# Weary



## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

I'm beginning to have a bit of empathy with you folks that are single and say you have no desire to change that status. My spirit is tired! 

Every person you meet(in my case online since I don't go anywhere to meet someone in person), you have to go through the same thing. The process of getting to know each other to see if you are compatible is exhausting. I hate telling my life story over and over. I'm danged tempted to put up an informational web site like I did for beekeeping and for the same reason...so that I don't have to answer the same questions all the time. So often when you think that this one might have potential they just fade away like snow in sunlight and I wonder what happened. It seems like there are a lot of people out there that like to play the dating 'game'. They have no interest in actually finding someone, but the game is apparently satisfying to them in some twisted way. 

Those of you on here that are married.....stay that way! This dating thing as an adult is absolutely horrid! In many ways if someone is single in their late 30's and above they are likely more than a bit scarred by their past relationships and are going to be triply on guard with any future relationships (TxMex humbly raises her hand). Those that aren't incredibly hard to get to know are extremely desperate and clingy which isn't healthy either. May the good Lord have mercy on you if either of you have children. That throws a whole new heavy duty, shiny set of monkey wrenches into the works.

:hair


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Oh Tex......
I haven't even started the process.
I 'look' on POF (just cause) and think; WHAT am I doing>???

I'm gonna connect myself 6 ways into next Sunday.
Church, Red Cross, Jeep Club, work in the public, take local classes, volunteer......
I'm just gonna put myself out there, and see what happens.
All else fails?
I have my Jack Russell Terriers.

I sure wish I had someone to go to Bass World w/ me to help me pick out fishin' gear, then go fishin' w me......
Seems such a waste to be in such a perfect spot alone.......but maybe that's right where God wants me?

Hang in there lady.....


----------



## Laura (May 10, 2002)

I tried it for a short time and found it a poor investment. It was like spending my recreational time sitting in a casino playing the numbers hoping for a payoff while having guys push my buttons hoping for a jackpot. Not my idea of a good time or a profitable one.

Getting out and doing things I love, making myself happy, not being afraid to make eye contact, smile and say Hi, not afraid to talk to strangers, not afraid to have fun goes a long way in meeting new people and making new friends.


----------



## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Laura, check with the tourist bureau/welcome wagon in Naples. I would bet that there's some kind of "Welcome to the Neighborhood" thing to help you get used to FL and tips for living there. 

If THAT fails....check out the local senior center with offers to volunteer. Most Sr Centers I've seen down there offer all types of classes/seminars to help you get the most out of a person's "new" life, classes/seminars/etc on boating, identifying Florida fish, crabbing, kyaking, sailing, etc. Check out the center FIRST online to make sure they mention having these activities. I KNOW, you're not old enough for a Sr Center....but they are always happy for help, and you'll have an opportunity to help and learn something about your new home.

Mon


----------



## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

TxMex, So sorry you're riding a bumpy road. I didn't want to hit the like button cuz, well, it's not a happy post. But, I hit it anyway because I can relate. Especially about the "scarred by their past relationships" bit. 

In my observations of people on ST that have found a partner, I noticed they logged _*a lot*_ of time in the effort. They just plain stuck to it. You have it in you to do the same. And, you know, if you think about it, you don't want just anyone. So the effort will probably end up matching the reward. Right? 

It's hard to remember this when frustration sets in, but maybe if you try and think of other things in your life that were super important to you, and think about all the hard work you put in to achieve those goals. Hopefully, you'll be able to overcome your frustration, and recover your resolve to find your prince charming. Happy hunting!


----------



## reneedarley (Jun 11, 2014)

TxMex said:


> I'm beginning to have a bit of empathy with you folks that are single and say you have no desire to change that status. My spirit is tired!


Oh, I am sorry TxMex.
Here is a brief decription of my own situation. No need to pull out the violin.
My two relationships were hard. I went into them with my eyes open and felt I got what I deserved. Came out of them convinced I was not worthy of having a partner and found a new country and a place so isolated I was nearly a hermit. I have never looked at a dating site- never dreamt I would meet another man. But I am social - go to markets, spin at museums and doing voluntary work. Engage in forums about homesteading and my hobbies in several countries.
I read all your threads with interest, feel that I know many of you. I have checked many of your profiles, wished many a spiritual good luck , shared your sorrows and joys - from a distance.
I checked Tom out because I thought he seemed a thoroughly decent guy and that it was time he seriously got on with his life. Hmm, nice looking younger man. Shrugged my shoulders and thought"I hope he finds a sweet girl"
Came a point when I felt I needed to give him a prod into the real life again and sent him a P.M saying he must get out a-courting. 
I had not expected that he would reply that it was I he wanted to meet (only 4000 miles away!)
Believe me, I have done my up most to discourage him, though after meeting him I am pleased he was so determined:clap:
So, here I am, planning a future with one of the most eligible men I have ever met, never dated, first met after 9 months, jumped into a relationship with an 8 year younger man.
I still do not know what hit me but we will enjoy every minute of this crazy adventure. If things are meant to be they happen. And when that time comes we sometimes have to take chances.
TxMex, happiness is just around the corner. With your courage and enterprise there will be no holding you back. When it happens I will be laughing and saying "I told you so"


----------



## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

I feel your pain. I have a "meet and greet" tomorrow afternoon with a guy from POF. If he actually goes thru with it. The last couple of guys who acted as though they wanted to meet just kinda fell thru. I don't know. I guess I'll have to see. I'm dang close to chucking it all and saying to heck with it.


----------



## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

reneedarley said:


> No need to pull out the violin.


How did you know I play fiddle 

Thanks for the encouragement y'all. It is just so danged frustrating! I am constantly being told by men and women what an intelligent and interesting person I am....possibly that is code for crazy? :shrug: I even get told that I am attractive.

I always try to smile and make eye contact with folks when I go to town. One thing may be that everyone assumes I'm married even though I don't wear a ring. Apparently I exude 'wife' vibes. Possibly because I tend to wear long skirts and not wear makeup. I'm thinking that having a t-shirt made up saying 'I'm single!' may not attract the sort of fella I'm hoping to attract.

Everyone says do what you enjoy and what makes you happy. Check. I'm greatly expanding my bee operation, getting better at raising queens and I do a LOT of mentoring. All the men I meet through bee sales or mentoring are married or are much too young. :awh: I travel to Mexico and spend the winter on the beach. Pretty much do what I want to do. The thing is, none of it is any fun without someone to share it with.


----------



## Skittles2u (Apr 13, 2005)

I can relate to what you posted as well TxMex... for several years I kept thinking being alone was ok because i planned to move across the country... now that i have... and it's only been 3 months..... well I'm contemplating a puppy.. LOL... in fact thats what brought me to the forum this evening, thought I'd try some recommendations on what type of dog to get... I have ideas... just undecided


----------



## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

What ever happened to that singletree thread with all the photos of single, wealthy, sexy, mature, experienced, used, but not "Used'UP", singletree members.


----------



## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

> What ever happened to that singletree thread with all the photos of single, wealthy, sexy, mature, experienced, *used, but not "Used'UP",* singletree members.


Had to laugh at the used, but not used up part, Sourdough. It made me think of this used car rental lot I remember from my days in Jersey. Rent-A Wreck. Maybe you should search for a thread titled Cash For Clunkers, lol.


----------



## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Sourdough said:


> What ever happened to that singletree thread with all the photos of single, wealthy, sexy, mature, experienced, used, but not "Used'UP", singletree members.


P'r'aps someone may start a new one?


----------



## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

TxMex, I'm certain many of us here know EXACTLY how you're feeling! HUGS and prayers for you, my Sweet Friend!


----------



## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

rkintn said:


> I feel your pain. I have a "meet and greet" tomorrow afternoon with a guy from POF. If he actually goes thru with it. The last couple of guys who acted as though they wanted to meet just kinda fell thru. I don't know. I guess I'll have to see. I'm dang close to chucking it all and saying to heck with it.


Aaaaaannnddd, he backed out at darn near the last minute. Color me confused.


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Do you ever wonder if you are really dealing w/ married men, being sneaky?
That's one of my biggest fears w/ online dating.
I am more afraid of being lied too and he's married than I am of getting raped or killed!!


----------



## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

sustainabilly said:


> Had to laugh at the used, but not used up part, Sourdough. It made me think of this used car rental lot I remember from my days in Jersey. Rent-A Wreck. Maybe you should search for a thread titled Cash For Clunkers, lol.


Renta wreck ISN'T a dating site?

Mon


----------



## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

rkintn said:


> Aaaaaannnddd, he backed out at darn near the last minute. Color me confused.



I'm so sorry that happened! This is exactly the sort of thing I'm talking about. It just sucks all the energy out of you after a while.

I was chatting with a fella that lived about 20 minutes away from me. Did a bit of texting too, but I couldn't get him to call me or meet with me. After over a month I finally figured that if he was this shy that it would do no good to pursue the relationship as I'd likely chew him up and spit him out if we ever tried for a relationship. Laura's theory could be correct too. He didn't come across as married, but you never know. Sometimes if feels like I'm tiptoeing through a mine field without a map.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

U play the fidder? Can ya play the theme song from the movie, Last of the Mohecians? Love that music


----------



## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

Keep at it girl. You still young.


----------



## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

TxMex said:


> I'm so sorry that happened! This is exactly the sort of thing I'm talking about. It just sucks all the energy out of you after a while.
> 
> 
> 
> I was chatting with a fella that lived about 20 minutes away from me. Did a bit of texting too, but I couldn't get him to call me or meet with me. After over a month I finally figured that if he was this shy that it would do no good to pursue the relationship as I'd likely chew him up and spit him out if we ever tried for a relationship. Laura's theory could be correct too. He didn't come across as married, but you never know. Sometimes if feels like I'm tiptoeing through a mine field without a map.



I was confused about it because we had texted the night before and he never mentioned feeling ill. It wasn't anything more than a meet and greet and, like you said, if he couldn't handle that, then there was no way he'd be able to handle much else. I don't worry about the married or not question....in the beginning. I'm willing to take his word for it until I see something that makes me think otherwise. Especially if he's from the same small town.


----------



## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Sorry to hear it fell through, Rhonda. People being undependable is one of my pet peeves. Seems that finding ones who keep commitments, even for things as everyday basic as making plans to meet, gets harder and harder. Keep trying, hon. Your guy is out there. And, he'll see your worth when he meets you.


----------



## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

FarmboyBill said:


> U play the fidder? Can ya play the theme song from the movie, Last of the Mohecians? Love that music


I would guess so. What song is it? I've not ever seen the movie.

I also play the cello and flute, but mostly I play the violin. One of these days I'd love to learn how to play with a group. I read music but play very little by ear.


----------



## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

sustainabilly said:


> Sorry to hear it fell through, Rhonda. People being undependable is one of my pet peeves. Seems that finding ones who keep commitments, even for things as everyday basic as making plans to meet, gets harder and harder. Keep trying, hon. Your guy is out there. And, he'll see your worth when he meets you.



Thank you, Karl. That is a pet peeve I mine as well. I don't understand how it is so hard for someone to do what they say and say what they mean.


----------



## RichNC (Aug 22, 2014)

TxMex said:


> I would guess so. What song is it? I've not ever seen the movie.
> 
> I also play the cello and flute, but mostly I play the violin. One of these days I'd love to learn how to play with a group. I read music but play very little by ear.


I think this is the part FBB is talking about, to me the rest of the movie had better music and is mostly historic.

[YOUTUBE]fN24OMtqapM[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

I gave up on the dating sites. Went on quite a few first/last dates; seems the guys only wanted one thing 

Guess they didn't like hearing "Hello, my brain is farther North than where your focus is!"

ETA: TxMex, your zest for life and happiness with yourself definitely shows through; that doesn't make you attractive, it makes you gorgeous!


----------



## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

RideBarefoot said:


> I gave up on the dating sites. Went on quite a few first/last dates; seems the guys only wanted one thing
> 
> Guess they didn't like hearing "Hello, my brain is farther North than where your focus is!"
> 
> ETA: TxMex, your zest for life and happiness with yourself definitely shows through; that doesn't make you attractive, it makes you gorgeous!


I can't even get anyone that is interested in that 'one thing'! Not saying that I would right off the bat, but I'm not even getting a chance to shoot em down :awh: 

Thank you very much for the nice comment :cowboy:

Thanks for posting that clip Rich. Sure, I could play that, both the jig at the beginning of the clip and the more 'violinish' music towards the end. I'm a bit out of practice and it would take a little time to get it to where it is nice and smooth.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Nope Rich, Im talking about the main music


----------



## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Bill if you will look it up and post the name of the song.....I'll answer your question. I can play most music. Most music does not include The Devil Went Down to Georgia. I have the music for that one and it looks like ants walked around all over the page. 

Hmmmm, I am getting motivated to go practice. Faded Love here I come! Yes, Bob Wills is still the king


----------



## RichNC (Aug 22, 2014)

FarmboyBill said:


> Nope Rich, Im talking about the main music


It is the same song, same music, it the called The Gael, and is the same in the opening and many other sense and and I have watched this movie probably 20 to 30 times.

[YOUTUBE]2pCv7k_Hzvg[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## RichNC (Aug 22, 2014)

TxMex said:


> Hmmmm, I am getting motivated to go practice. Faded Love here I come! Yes, Bob Wills is still the king


I am a HUGE Bob Wills fan, well even though he is dead, thank you for keeping his music alive! Someday, if I keep aging well I will get down to Turkey, Tx and see the festival have your ever been Ms TxMex?


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Do you have www.meetup.com in your area??

There are a couple groups here in SW FL that I am thinking about joining!!!


----------



## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

RichNC said:


> I am a HUGE Bob Wills fan, well even though he is dead, thank you for keeping his music alive! Someday, if I keep aging well I will get down to Turkey, Tx and see the festival have your ever been Ms TxMex?


Heck I didn't know there was a festival in honor of Bob Wells! I'll have to look it up. Fall is the usual time for fiddle contests and live music at festivals and events in Texas. One of my favorites is the fiddle contest in Gilmer at the Yamboree. Unfortunately I have stage fright so badly that I don't participate, but I love to listen and tap my toes!


----------



## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Do you have www.meetup.com in your area??
> 
> There are a couple groups here in SW FL that I am thinking about joining!!!


It doesn't seem to be a big thing here. There are 2 groups in my area and neither are anything I could even pretend an interest in. If I were going to be here year around I'd start a group or two....or three.


----------



## Matthew_70 (Sep 5, 2013)

TxMex said:


> I'm beginning to have a bit of empathy with you folks that are single and say you have no desire to change that status. My spirit is tired!


I've had one girlfriend in the last ten years. Actually, thinking about it, twelve years now. I've tried to date and found this to be true...

"What do you see yourself doing in ten years?" She asked me.
"Farming, raising my own food, and canning."
That was the end of that one.

"You don't drink?" She asked, incredulous. 
"I have from time to time, but generally, no."
That ended that one.

"Are you a believer?" I asked.
"Yep! Sure am!"
Two weeks later...
"I thought you said you were a Christian!"
"Oh, I am. I'm catholic. WE don't believe all that bible nonsense, and anyway the bible was written by men."
"Yes..."
"Well, men are broken. They wrote it from a guys perspective, and not a woman's."

I could tell you about the two carzy ones... or the one that scared me because she was drunk before our early lunch was over... but I'll spare you.

I'm 49 now. I feel for you because I'm there. I would marry the right woman, but I wonder if I'll ever find one. It's a shame too, because I'm a heck of a great guy - or at least that's what people around me say.


Any ladies in the Daytona area wanna meet a guy with a sawmill?


----------



## Oldshep (Mar 28, 2015)

Well there's more than just "married" or "dating" in life. Many people just go on with their lives and sometimes they meet somebody, sometimes they don't. It isn't really all that important so long as you are happy with yourself. Nobody can make you happy but you.


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Oldshep said:


> Well there's more than just "married" or "dating" in life. Many people just go on with their lives and sometimes they meet somebody, sometimes they don't. It isn't really all that important so long as you are happy with yourself. Nobody can make you happy but you.


I hear this, and I am not pokin' at you.........
It is important.
God said it is not good for man to be alone, and there are reasons for that!!
Yes, you do have to be content w/ yourself, and you do have to love yourself first, before you can genuinely love others.......
It makes it no less uncomfortable to be alone.

The thought of being by myself for the rest of my life, is unsettling. I used to have nightmares about it......funny how things are working out huh? :smack

But I do have to come to a place where I am content w/ myself, by myself.
I'm not there yet, but I am working on it!!:happy:


----------



## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

I kind of feel the same way at times. I don't mind being a beast of burden most of the time. I would just like someone to converse with while I'm dragging the load uphill. I rarely have dinner company, and I am a very good cook. I do all the things we talk about here on HT, can, garden, DIY, hunt, fish, get-r-done. I don't need a woman to do stuff for me, however, I do want the company of one. I know I'm very busy with dad, work and all but I still got lots to give.

It seems that honestly all the women around here locally want to do is bars, clubs, movies, shopping, eating out at $$$ franchised junk food places. The ones that have shown interest are hours or days travel away, and that's poinless. It seems I am just to have long distance phone relationships with like minded friends. That's not a bad thing, but its also kind of a tease showing there are like minded folks out there but at opposite ends of the country. :duel: :rain: :smack


----------



## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Yes, yes, the old saw about being happy in and of yourself. What if I am meant to be half of a whole? That the way I am happy with myself is to be part of something. Not that I am looking for happiness outside of myself at all, but that I am at my best when it is not just me. 

Back when it wasn't just me, I raised and preserved a huge garden, milked a cow, raised calves, rabbits, chickens, bees(of course), helped my ex at his construction job, cooked EVERYTHING from scratch and often cooked 3 meals a day and at lunch I generally fed a crew of workers. Went hunting and fishing and cleaned the catch. I worked from home as a professional seamstress and worked other part time jobs as well. I was superwoman! 

Now, I look around and think about doing a bit of canning and think, meh....it's just me, why bother.


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Tx, DIM:

I did the 'on my own thing' when I was in my late teens and early 20's.
Proving God's point it is not good for man to be alone!!:hrm:

After 25 years of being a wife and mom, I am not sure 'who' I am since those roles have run their course.

I love cookin, cleaning, gardening, canning, being outside. 
I love watching football on Sunday's (and this Thursday, GO Packers).
I am game to try new things: Kayaking, hunting, wrenching my Jeep.
I DO like to go to a restaurant and have a nice meal, or go to a dive-ish type place and have a pizza and a beer.
I am simple. 
I want to know what it feels like to have someone notice I have a pulse (other than for sex). I want to know what it feels like to be 'missed-happy to be seen at the end of the day'. I want to know what it feels like to feel safe, secure, loved. I want that big all encompassing hug that makes me 'disappear' into the arms of someone that just plain digs me.

And I want to reciprocate. 

I told my gf it was 'better to be alone than in an abusive relationship'....and now, I am choking on those words. I KNOW they are true, but dang.......:smack


----------



## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> I told my gf it was 'better to be alone than in an abusive relationship'....and now, I am choking on those words. I KNOW they are true, but dang.......:smack



I totally understand what you mean! 

I keep asking myself which hurts worse....the loneliness or the mental abuse. It's especially hard since I have no family. He is the only one that calls to check on me...twice a day...everyday. He seems to have realized I am not going to take him back. He has been charming and that didn't work. He has tried the old fear and intimidation thing and that didn't work. So he has had to up his game and has become really helpful...and that didn't work. However, he has recently agreed to go to counseling  That would actually entail him admitting that he might have some problems. Now this impresses me. I think perhaps he has finally realized that he truly needs me more than I need him. Can an old dog learn new tricks? It sure would be better for both of us if he can, but he's going to have to demonstrate those new tricks for a while before I'll consider letting him be an inside dog again


----------



## Darren (May 10, 2002)

A lot of times you just can't house break an outside dog. At least he won't have that wet dog smell if he gets caught in the rain.


----------



## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

So the guy who cancelled on Sunday texted and was very apologetic and wanted to still meet up. We met for dinner tonight. He's a nice guy. We had a nice conversation and he bought my dinner. I expected to pay for my own but he insisted. His pics from pof were probably at least a couple of years old since he was a bit older than what I had expected. Really wasn't any kind of spark or enough connection for a second date, on my end anyhow.


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

rkintn said:


> So the guy who cancelled on Sunday texted and was very apologetic and wanted to still meet up. We met for dinner tonight. He's a nice guy. We had a nice conversation and he bought my dinner. I expected to pay for my own but he insisted. His pics from pof were probably at least a couple of years old since he was a bit older than what I had expected. Really wasn't any kind of spark or enough connection for a second date, on my end anyhow.


So........do you mind if I ask how this 'goes down'?
Meaning, how does this whole "date" thing happen? Does he message you, and you reply, then text / call a few times, then pick a place and meet?

I see a lot of profiles that say "I don't need a pen pal if you don't want to meet, don't message me"??

So you know by the end of this dinner this was not someone you'd want to spend more time with.......
So how does a date, end? 
Like....."good night, talk to you later".......

Forgive me if this is intrusive. I am so out in the dark on this stuff....


----------



## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

Hi Laura*- Dating and relationships start-with people just getting to know each other. Engaging in conversation is a beginning. Look at it this way: You are socializing, and making Friends . It surely takes more than one date to really begin to get a good idea of who somebody is. Try to look inside a potential Mate-to discover what kind of person they are. Be careful not to be blinded by just physical attraction, success, or wealth. Dating is a learning experience, just as You would like to learn about a potential partner, they should want to learn about You. You will know If Your first date warrants another. If it does, Great!, if it doesn't You can always politely decline another meeting. Be careful, and have some fun*. I think it is wise to observe someone from a distance, before setting up a date with them. Don't be afraid of asking a guy out, it is 2015, some guys are shy, just be open and honest with Yourself, and them. Love starts out as a friendship, then it develops from there. There are plenty of good potential mates out there-be safe, honest, and have some fun! Life is short*. Keep in mind, that people are infinitely different-all Men,or all Women, are not the same. The more people that You meet, the more apparent this will be*. I am pulling for You Laura, I hope that You find Yourself some good Friends, and a great guy*! It's Your time now, be good to Yourself-You deserve it*!!


----------



## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> So........do you mind if I ask how this 'goes down'?
> Meaning, how does this whole "date" thing happen? Does he message you, and you reply, then text / call a few times, then pick a place and meet?
> 
> I see a lot of profiles that say "I don't need a pen pal if you don't want to meet, don't message me"??
> ...


He contacted me on POF and we messaged back and forth there a few times before he mentioned meeting. I then gave him my cell number (but still hadn't told him my last name lol) and we made arrangements to meet Sunday at a local mexican restaurant. He backed out because he was sick. I didn't contact him afterwards because I wasn't for sure that he really was sick and it wasn't just him deciding not to meet, for whatever reason. He contacted me on Tuesday and was very apologetic and asked if we could still meet and said he would understand if that was no longer an option. We ended up setting up the meeting for the same place, last night. The date ended when I said I needed to get home, after about an hour and a half. He picked up the check and I offered to pay for my own and he insisted on paying. We talked for a couple of minutes and I made sure they took off the dip that never showed up lol We both said we had a nice time, it was nice meeting you. I gave him a brief hug and that was that. He may text for another date but I'll decline. 

It really wasn't that bad but I've been on one or two of these before. There are people who only want to message back and forth on POF or texting and never really set up meetings. That's what those guys are talking about. I've learned that if they don't want to meet fairly early on, then they probably aren't going to.


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Thanks so much!!!


----------



## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Laura, maybe you should just (right now) concentrate on making friends, not on finding the love of your life. 

You have JUST moved to a whole different area, JUST getting started in a new life, now is NOT the time to be TRYING to find the love of your life! If he drops into your lap, fine, grab him by the neck and haul him in.

When a person is new to an area, it is EASY to be taken advantage of, to be mislead, to misunderstand the intentions, or words of people in your new surroundings.

Just sayin', take it slow and you'll end up with more worthwhile people in your life.

Mon


----------



## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Tom, I must respectfully disagree about the women asking the man out. I understand about shyness and its 2015 but honestly all a woman really has to do is express an interest such a a lingering smile or extended eye contact to let a man know she may have a slight interest. It is then up to the man to pursue her if he is interested. Yes, he may get "shot down", (such a high school mentality) as some women enjoy playing that game, but none of the women worth having play that childish stuff, those kind of women tend to self cull themselves from the dating pool in my opinion.

Keep in mind that shyness at our age one should have worked that out, overcome it, gotten past that, however you want to say it. Women need to be women and men need to be men, I believe that's how everything got all jacked up in the first place. Women trying to be tough as men, men being tamed down to be "metro" males. 

I understand women can work as hard as men, that they are as smart as men, and can even be tougher than men if needed. But why should they have to be? Men can be gentle, soft spoken, nurturing, and all that. But, why must he be that to attract a woman, especially if it is not his nature to start with? 

In my opinion, ladies if you express and interest in a man and he does not respond , just let it go. If you "reach out far and help him" notice you, will he be the kind of man you really want, in the long run? From what I hear women say they want, i think not. 

On the other hand a gentle nudge from a woman can be a wonderful thing, but if she has to throw herself in the mans face.... well I just think that's asking her go too far to be considered for a date. 

OK, let the fire fly, I'm sure I'll get toasted over this, but in my neck of the woods, men are not afraid to be men, and not expected to be anything other than that, also women know how to be ladies and get noticed at the same time.


----------



## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

doingitmyself said:


> Tom, I must respectfully disagree about the women asking the man out. I understand about shyness and its 2015 but honestly all a woman really has to do is express an interest such a a lingering smile or extended eye contact to let a man know she may have a slight interest. It is then up to the man to pursue her if he is interested. Yes, he may get "shot down", (such a high school mentality) as some women enjoy playing that game, but none of the women worth having play that childish stuff, those kind of women tend to self cull themselves from the dating pool in my opinion.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I totally and whole heartedly agree! And that pretty much my attitude with the online dating. I'm more than willing to meet a guy half way but if he can't be bothered to do a little pursuing then I'm out. I've done the pursuing and the asking out and it honestly has never ended well. Ymmv. 

Also, people need to learn not to take it personally if the other party isn't interested.


----------



## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

Both my ex wife's asked me out and 7 years later they both asked me to leave.


----------



## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> I see a lot of profiles that say "I don't need a pen pal if you don't want to meet, don't message me"??


Ah, so I am not the only one! I have gotten a guy or two that only wants to message back and forth and they don't even have any interest in calling. That gets discouraging very quickly. There is no way to know if your are compatible if you don't talk and eventually meet. 



rkintn said:


> It really wasn't that bad but I've been on one or two of these before. There are people who only want to message back and forth on POF or texting and never really set up meetings. That's what those guys are talking about. I've learned that if they don't want to meet fairly early on, then they probably aren't going to.


I absolutely agree. People like this are wasting my time.


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Froggy, I'm just curious about the whole dating ritual.......

I am joining 2 different meet up groups this week. 
It's for couples AND singles (one is 40 and up w/ 1500 members, the other is open to all w/ 1700 members).
I joined a preppers group, and emailed the leader, but have not heard anything yet.
I am meeting w/ the Pastor of the church I went to on Sunday, today, to see if there is a place I can serve.
I will be starting BSF in the fall (all women's Bible study).
I'm going to the official Packers spot, a bar in Naples, where all the wonderful Packers fans will be tonight for the Packers vs Pats game.

So I am stickin' my neck out there....and not in the romantic way.
I have 'looked' at POF but have not made a profile, and honestly I do not think I am ready nor is it the right time.
I think I need to find "me" first!! 

I would love to have a handful of friends to run with, so I am hoping to pick them up at all of the above activities!!!


----------



## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

My experience with dating, post long relationship: It's a mixed bag. 

I've used several, but my favorite far and away is tinder - that way I can have a certain level of control and it doesn't become too un-manageable.

My keys to success:
1) I try to be honest. Lies I tell upfront, small though they may be, have a way of catching up. So to be honest right from the beginning is the best policy.
2) I'm not looking for a girlfriend. I'm looking for a friend. If my friend and I hit it off, then we can proceed to the next step... but we have a foundation to build off of.
3) I try to exercise daily, and to make sure I practice proper oral hygiene and grooming / bathing habits. I know... it's silly, but you'd be amazed at how many people don't. If for no other reason than it makes a person feel good, this is a must. 
4) I have a thick skin. Even if all else above is done, a person can find themselves in head scratching situations. Don't lie to yourself, and as Maya Angelou said: "When a person tells you who they are, believe them the first time".
5) I stay away from carnal relations: As fun as it is once the fireworks start to fly, at that point the communication tends to suffer tremendously. How many people have woken up three months into something and wondered "who in the heck is this person I'm with??". I get to know them... friends first.
6) *Always* lead with coffee. Fancy restaurants can come later. (in fact, my worst dates typically involved expensive restaurants too early on).


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Tex, I did it.
I signed up for 4 www.meetup.com groups.
I even added a profile picture......
We'll see how it goes from here....


----------



## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

I'mma creep on yer page Laura... jk jk


----------



## Oldshep (Mar 28, 2015)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> I hear this, and I am not pokin' at you.........
> It is important.
> God said it is not good for man to be alone, and there are reasons for that!!


I guess that depends on your God or Gods. Mine don't say that


----------



## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

Nothing wrong with a Girl asking a Guy out?- That's Equality*


----------



## farmgal (Nov 12, 2005)

Warwalk ->>friends


Exactly what I try to do. But good luck finding anyone who gets this. Why people want to date, when they don't even know you is weird if you ask me. 

Friends. I like to be friends first. You make me laugh, listen, communicate, xyz. What ever ! win my heart and earn my trust. You may become something more but it's not a given. No promises. They think you should just pass trust out like condoms at a music festival.


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Tom, I'm old school. (and a little weird) I would never ask a guy out. 
For a lot of different reasons.......


----------



## Oldshep (Mar 28, 2015)

TxMex said:


> Yes, yes, the old saw about being happy in and of yourself. What if I am meant to be half of a whole? That the way I am happy with myself is to be part of something. Not that I am looking for happiness outside of myself at all, but that I am at my best when it is not just me.
> 
> Back when it wasn't just me, I raised and preserved a huge garden, milked a cow, raised calves, rabbits, chickens, bees(of course), helped my ex at his construction job, cooked EVERYTHING from scratch and often cooked 3 meals a day and at lunch I generally fed a crew of workers. Went hunting and fishing and cleaned the catch. I worked from home as a professional seamstress and worked other part time jobs as well. I was superwoman!
> 
> Now, I look around and think about doing a bit of canning and think, meh....it's just me, why bother.


What if you were "meant" to be with someone else while you were married and now your not? Life is a journey and you are always right where you are supposed to be. Another thing about life...it's pretty short. Why spend your precious, irreplaceable time yearning and exhausting yourself over something you don't have, when you could be using it to enrich and appreciate your life as it is?

Maybe the fact that you dont bother canning and doing for yourself is that you don't value yourself as an individual and maybe thats a good place to start?


----------



## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

@Oldshep: re; your last sentence. Uh, ohh... here it comes... You're entitled to your opinion. But it might be a good idea to hang around awhile and get to know folks before you make snap judgements, huh? I've found that my itty bitty window on this world doesn't let me see a lot of the reasons why other people do, or don't do, things.

That said, hang around and get to know the folks here. Cuz different perspectives are a great way to learn.


----------



## Oldshep (Mar 28, 2015)

sustainabilly said:


> @Oldshep: re; your last sentence. Uh, ohh... here it comes... You're entitled to your opinion. But it might be a good idea to hang around awhile and get to know folks before you make snap judgements, huh? I've found that my itty bitty window on this world doesn't let me see a lot of the reasons why other people do, or don't do, things.
> 
> That said, hang around and get to know the folks here. Cuz different perspectives are a great way to learn.


Just trying to be helpful, giving the same advice I'd give a friend. Lady says she's not happy by herself and is jumping through hoops trying to meet somebody and that is exhausting. She says she doesn't bother canning, or doing alot of the other things that gave her life more meaning because "its just me". IMHHO thats the problem right there, not that she doesn't have a romantic relationship.


----------



## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Oldshep said:


> .... She says she doesn't bother canning, or doing alot of the other things that gave her life more meaning because "its just me". IMHHO thats the problem right there, not that she doesn't have a romantic relationship.


HEADLINES....

Aged spinster dies with three houses (TX,MO,MEX) full to the rafters of jars of honey. Law enforcement officials feverishly searching the jars of honey for body parts, contraband bees, or hidden money.

Sorry, TxMex, I just HAD to! I owe you a lunch for this one!

Mon


----------



## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

I know for me, and I'm guessing for a lot of the women on here, that it's a wants versus needs issue. I do not need a man in my life, for financial, mental, or psychological etc. support; I want one in my life for what he can add to my life- sharing the sunsets, talking about what's going on in the world, cuddling up during a thunderstorm, that kind of thing. I REALLY like me as I am, but I'm willing to share my awesomeness!


----------



## Laura (May 10, 2002)

I think Oldshep points out a valid issue many of us face post divorce; not knowing who we are as our own person, and not loving ourselves the way we need to be loved.

If we don't know who we are and what we need and want in a relationship, how can we know who we are looking for?


----------



## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

Not wanting to redirect this thread. (I will start a new thread) But think of how "Want" versus "NEED" could rapidly shift in a long term SHTF environment.




RideBarefoot said:


> I know for me, and I'm guessing for a lot of the women on here, that it's a wants versus needs issue. I do not need a man in my life, for financial, mental, or psychological etc. support; I want one in my life for what he can add to my life- sharing the sunsets, talking about what's going on in the world, cuddling up during a thunderstorm, that kind of thing. I REALLY like me as I am, but I'm willing to share my awesomeness!


----------



## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

http://www.homesteadingtoday.com/sp.../541960-falling-love-store-bought-person.html




Laura said:


> I think Oldshep points out a valid issue many of us face post divorce; not knowing who we are as our own person, and not loving ourselves the way we need to be loved.
> 
> If we don't know who we are and what we need and want in a relationship, how can we know who we are looking for?


----------



## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

Part of why I like having friends first... They cost less, take less time, and if it's Friday night and I want to just stay in with a good movie from Redbox my phone isn't gonna explode with someone asking me where the heck I am and whether I've been in some horrific accident. (statistically speaking, it's fairly unlikely).

I like to have a group of people over... have football on the TV, or fire up the fire pit / fire up the grill. Have good conversation. Drink a beer... or a root beer. Laugh. And at the end of the evening everyone goes home happy - with no drama... no awkward questions about "where is this going?", nothing crowding my bathroom sink or nightstand, no hurt feelings... just happy happy.


----------



## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

_"Maybe the fact that you dont bother canning and doing for yourself is that *you don't value yourself as an individual* and maybe thats a good place to start?"_

_"Aged spinster dies with three houses (TX,MO,MEX) full to the rafters of jars of honey."_

Heck, maybe Oldshep's got a point TxMex. And, maybe frogmammy does too. Here's an idea that just may kill two birds with one stone. Start charging your dates. At least that'll put a value on you. :lookout: There. First point covered. Next, give up a jar of all that hoarded honey to each date, to get around any possible speculation as to _why_ you're charging your dates. 


Oldshep,
It starts with someone remarking about how, things they used to do when they were married just don't seem to have the same appeal to them anymore. To start from there, armed with little more info than that about that person, and proceed to make a leap of reasoning which amounts to an assessment of that person's self image, just doesn't follow. 'Course you did say maybe. So there's that. Could be, it was truly and simply a piece of well meant advice. It wouldn't be right not to give you the benefit of the doubt on that. 

There are people here who, while single, lead very full and satisfying lives. They value themselves as individuals also, yet they have _no_ wish for an SO. By the same token, there are folks here who lead the same kind of satisfying lives, value themselves as individuals as well, but long for someone to share their life with. In each scenario, much of what comprises the life of any person in either group never gets posted online. That's why I suggested you pull up a chair and hang out some; get to know the folks. I know some of them really surprised me when I did. In any case, it's all good. I got no ill feelings towards you. And, I don't wish for this thread drift to derail the main topic.


----------



## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

sustainabilly said:


> ...
> Start charging your dates.
> 
> Next, give up a jar of all that hoarded honey to each date, to get around any possible speculation as to _why_ you're charging your dates.
> ...


Worried there for a couple seconds! :goodjob:

Canning does not a woman make!

Thinking (briefly) about a house for sale that was part of an estate. I looked in the cellar and there were jar after jar of pickles...some in LARGE jars, some quarts, some very small. Pickles all oVER the place! Counted well over 200 and that was just in the front, only God know how many were behind! The woman MUST have been known for her pickles. The family offered the pickles along with the house.

Mon


----------



## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Oldshep said:


> Just trying to be helpful, giving the same advice I'd give a friend. Lady says she's not happy by herself and is jumping through hoops trying to meet somebody and that is exhausting. She says she doesn't bother canning, or doing alot of the other things that gave her life more meaning because "its just me". IMHHO thats the problem right there, not that she doesn't have a romantic relationship.


The problem is you have never met TxMex, she is very likely one of the most capable, independent, even keeled women dare i say on this forum. This I can speak as a fact. 

Some people are so good at lying to themselves that they convince themselves they dont need anybody else. This notion is shear lunacy. They substitute the word need for a variety of other words that in the end mean the same thing. The real problem here is that some people try to make others feel bad for revealing true emotions and feelings. These brave souls are only looking for a friend to chat with. Even worse is the very same people attempt to make someone else feel inferior to them because in their eyes the romance of being 'the lone wolf" is a badge of honor worn with pride. In fact it is generally a sign of ignorance, anti social behaviour, and narcissistic attitudes of their own needs wrapped up together and projectile vomited on others. 

There are "lone wolves" to be sure, they are often (not always) alone because their "pack " asked them to leave ... In my opinion only.


----------



## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

I'm glad we are all different, but equal.

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be ~ Douglas Adams


----------



## Oldshep (Mar 28, 2015)

doingitmyself said:


> The problem is you have never met TxMex, she is very likely one of the most capable, independent, even keeled women dare i say on this forum. This I can speak as a fact.
> 
> Some people are so good at lying to themselves that they convince themselves they dont need anybody else. This notion is shear lunacy. They substitute the word need for a variety of other words that in the end mean the same thing. The real problem here is that some people try to make others feel bad for revealing true emotions and feelings. These brave souls are only looking for a friend to chat with. Even worse is the very same people attempt to make someone else feel inferior to them because in their eyes the romance of being 'the lone wolf" is a badge of honor worn with pride. In fact it is generally a sign of ignorance, anti social behaviour, and narcissistic attitudes of their own needs wrapped up together and projectile vomited on others.
> 
> There are "lone wolves" to be sure, they are often (not always) alone because their "pack " asked them to leave ... In my opinion only.


You sound pretty hostile, bud. Maybe happiness is eluding you for the same reasons? If you are looking for somebody to come along and make you "happy" and "whole" in my life experience you are in for a big disappointment. It simply doesn't work that way. First you love and value yourself, then you make a good life for yourself. Sometimes somebody else comes along in the same state and you can bond and have a great relationship. If you're not happy then looking outside yourself is a waste of time, your not ready for a relationship.

AGAIN, I shouldnt have to say this, it seems pretty self evident BUT---THESE ARE MY OPINIONS AND MY ADVICE BASED ON THE OP. IF YOU DONT LIKE THEM THEN BY ALL MEANS DONT FOLLOW THEM. I'm not here to argue. I gave the OP the same honest advice that I would give to a friend. Anything hostile or offensive that you've read into it is more or less a reflection of your own thoughts, and have no bearing on my good intentions.


----------



## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Guys, let's remember everyone's opinion is valid no matter where it comes from. Issues should be explored from every perspective including left field where the rabbit trails are.

Figuring out who we are and what makes us happy can keep us busy enough without trying to add another unknown person to the equation. Who do you want to be? Be that person, tweak it around to fit you and not anyone else. Once you have figured out who you are then you can consider who you want for a relationship.

The List. Take your time, days, weeks if you feel the need. Put as many things on the List as you want, it's your Dream List. When you're done go do something fun for yourself.  Choose 5 Must Have qualities from your list a person must possess for relationship with you. Don't waste time on people who don't have at least 3 of those 5 Must Have qualities. A person with 3 out of 5 of the Must Haves often covers much of those 3 pages you filled in.

Now you know who you are, what you like and who you want, you're no longer wasting your time on town clowns on roller skates. Where will you find the people on your list? Where are they? What are they doing? Go there and meet them.


----------



## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Generally it is thought that if "good intentions" are delivered with a spiked tongue it may be prudent to keep them to themselves or say them to people you consider to be "your friends". 

It's just sad and uncalled for to see someone to take cheap shots at a fellow man or woman that obviously hurting and is asking for someone to chat with. The fact the thread was so popular shows that many people and friends care and understands the OP and where she is coming from.


----------



## Laura (May 10, 2002)

doingitmyself said:


> Generally it is thought that if "good intentions" are delivered with a spiked tongue it may be prudent to keep them to themselves or say them to people you consider to be "your friends".
> 
> It's just sad and uncalled for to see someone to take cheap shots at a fellow man or woman that obviously hurting and is asking for someone to chat with. The fact the thread was so popular shows that many people and friends care and understands the OP and where she is coming from.


Until you guys start sniping at others thinking you're being "protective" of ST women. What actually happens when you start the bickering is embarrass the crap out of us so we are not so inclined to start heart discussions again.


----------



## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Oh my God! Cut me some slack here with that drivel! Like this hasn't happened a whole lot more when the hens are at each other. Like ord said earlier, "I'm glad we are all different, but equal." Regrettably, that goes for the bad behavior, as well as the good. It's like this. Someone said something they probably should have thought about a little more before hitting the post reply button. They were called on it. You can read any type of nonsensical motive into that, that you want, but the facts are there in black and white. Consider it a little bit of member moderation, if you need to put some kind of label on it.

ETA: It's got nothing to do with gender. That, apparently, is your fabrication. I've done the same thing for Farmboy Bill.


----------



## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

Ladies and gentlemen, I have in my possession an entire Mason jar of apple pie moonshine . All are welcome to join me- we'll all feel like a group hug after that!


----------



## FarmerJoe (Nov 14, 2009)

While I work well on my own, I find I get more done working with someone else. Be it a co-worker, employee, or partner, two people working for a common goal gets more done than two working separate. Just seems more motivation.



> Now, I look around and think about doing a bit of canning and think, meh....it's just me, why bother.


----------



## Oldshep (Mar 28, 2015)

I'll just consider "doingitmyself's" comments to reflect some issues that he is working through and I do not take it personal at all. No worries. I wish him nothing but happiness. It's water under the bridge.


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Can I just say. I love men. I just do.


----------



## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

I think of (and treat) men and women exactly alike as far as the friend category. Love, now that takes a special man. Haven't been in love for a long time, miss it!


----------



## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Now comes the always predictable back peddle, that is they take a shot at a weakened person, then attempt to disclaim any involvement, or try to project working through issues, or take a "water under a bridge position", they always use the same words, it's like their script. These kinds of people are really nothing but "filler" in the world, much like the bulk of kitty litter. 

I spoke with TxMex, last evening, she's feeling under the weather physically, and emotionally, she has had enormous stress recently. To those that are her friends that don't consider a request for a friend to talk to "WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE' please consider dropping her a PM or call, she could really use a pick me p at this time.


----------



## Terri (May 10, 2002)

RideBarefoot said:


> Ladies and gentlemen, I have in my possession an entire Mason jar of apple pie moonshine . All are welcome to join me- we'll all feel like a group hug after that!


I will bring the brownies! I make KILLER brownies! (I follow the recipe on the box, Hee-hee-hee!):goodjob:


----------



## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

Terri said:


> I will bring the brownies! I make KILLER brownies! (I follow the recipe on the box, Hee-hee-hee!):goodjob:



I make a pretty mean brownie myself...


----------



## Terri (May 10, 2002)

oneraddad said:


> I make a pretty mean brownie myself...


Well, if you would rather bring the brownies, then I will bring ice cream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

I'm sitting here chopping up veggies and capping hot peppers for freezing, and all I can think of is Montezuma...how they say he would drink "x" many cups of hot chocolate and eat hot peppers every day. Reckon I'll bring the jalapeno poppers.


----------



## Oldshep (Mar 28, 2015)

doingitmyself said:


> Now comes the always predictable back peddle, that is they take a shot at a weakened person, then attempt to disclaim any involvement, or try to project working through issues, or take a "water under a bridge position", they always use the same words, it's like their script. These kinds of people are really nothing but "filler" in the world, much like the bulk of kitty litter.
> .


:hysterical::hysterical:ound: LOL. Thanks for the laughs.


----------



## Terri (May 10, 2002)

sustainabilly said:


> I'm sitting here chopping up veggies and capping hot peppers for freezing, and all I can think of is Montezuma...how they say he would drink "x" many cups of hot chocolate and eat hot peppers every day. Reckon I'll bring the jalapeno poppers.


I believe that they used cocoa beans for money back then: Drinking "money" would have been the ultimate in conspicuous consumption!


----------



## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

LOL, yeah, right? Well, at least that worked out better for him while he lived. The most common story surrounding the Roman emperor Valerian's death says that after being taken captive by the Persian ruler Shapur and then held in captivity for some time, they poured molten gold down his throat, and had him stuffed with straw.


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Tx you're just across the Gulf from me! says Laura as she waves your way!


----------



## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

oneraddad said:


> Both my ex wife's asked me out and 7 years later they both asked me to leave.


 You remind me of a guy at the singles apartment where I lived years ago.

His brother was visiting so one of the girls in the complex asked him out and later in the evening invited him and his Nintendo to her apartment since his brother was still entertaining in his apartment. A month later they moved to the couples complex at the bottom of the hill.

The following year he was moving back into the singles building because as he said when we asked what happened " We got started because she asked me out. When she asked me out the second time it was out of our apartment and she kept custody of my Nintendo and TV."


----------



## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

I don't get on here for a couple of days and this thread has grown to 5 pages, my pm box is full, received several texts and a phone call 



Oldshep said:


> What if you were "meant" to be with someone else while you were married and now your not? Life is a journey and you are always right where you are supposed to be. Another thing about life...it's pretty short. Why spend your precious, irreplaceable time yearning and exhausting yourself over something you don't have, when you could be using it to enrich and appreciate your life as it is?
> 
> Maybe the fact that you dont bother canning and doing for yourself is that you don't value yourself as an individual and maybe thats a good place to start?


Howdy and welcome to our newest troll. Though you only have a few posts, I'm sure this is not your first time on the forums.



frogmammy said:


> HEADLINES....
> 
> Aged spinster dies with three houses (TX,MO,MEX) full to the rafters of jars of honey. Law enforcement officials feverishly searching the jars of honey for body parts, contraband bees, or hidden money.
> 
> ...


LOL! I love it! Yep, woe is me! Retired at the age of 35(now 44), I spend 4 months of the year lounging on the beach in Mexico, own a ranch in Texas and just bought a summer place in Missouri so I can better pursue my very lucrative hobby. I have so little personal value and self esteem....poor little insecure me :hysterical:



Laura said:


> I think Oldshep points out a valid issue many of us face post divorce; not knowing who we are as our own person, and not loving ourselves the way we need to be loved.
> 
> If we don't know who we are and what we need and want in a relationship, how can we know who we are looking for?


Perhaps I am secure enough in who I am to feel comfortable sharing myself with someone else.



Oldshep said:


> I'll just consider "doingitmyself's" comments to reflect some issues that he is working through and I do not take it personal at all. No worries. I wish him nothing but happiness. It's water under the bridge.


A great big warm hug to Michael! You are a true friend and I am very thankful for you! :kiss:



Laura Zone 5 said:


> Tx you're just across the Gulf from me! says Laura as she waves your way!


Waving back! I'm at my summer house right now, but I'll be able to wave across the Gulf some time next month. Glad you are enjoying your new home!


----------



## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

A great big warm hug to Michael! You are a true friend and I am very thankful for you! 

Yep , Michael is a Great Guy!:thumb:


----------



## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Tom, you would always be welcome at my campfire. I don't say that as a fluffy post Tom, I have always liked your posts, your a solid guy! I like your music picks on Saturday evenings as well.:happy:

We have some very fine folks here, we also have, what did TM say? A troll? Laughing my backside off, Funny though, it really does kind of fit.:rain:

Glad your back TxMex! Now that you back to your usual "Texas Tornado, with a sprinkle of delicateness" things will likely smooth out. Back to our regularly scheduled program.:clap:


----------



## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

_"things will likely smooth out. Back to our regularly scheduled program."_

Aww... *No!* Not that!


----------



## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

doingitmyself said:


> Now that you back to your usual "Texas Tornado, with a sprinkle of delicateness" things will likely smooth out. Back to our regularly scheduled program.:clap:


I nearly inhaled my gum and choked to death. ound:


----------



## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Tex: Your comment about those over 35 is near the mark. Never-married men over 35 are not driven by their hormones as most of us were/are. Those from bust-ups do indeed have scars, minor or major. 

Go look for widower who was a happily married man. He'll have his faults but he'll be trainable.


----------



## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

Ox, I did not have that experience dating widowers. 

Gentleman #1: Widowed 3 years, stated very much interested in dating again. Wife passed from stroke. No children, but never plans to move from where he is because her family wishes him not to. Still has her voice recording on answering machine, again because her father asked him not to change it. Made constant references to "my wife" during lunch date. Married 35 years. Very nice man, but hearing about his wife every 3 minutes, was tough to learn anything about him!

Gentleman #2: Widowed 3 months, but quite adamant he was ready to date. Wife passed from liver cancer, lived 2 years longer than expected, so it wasn't sudden or unexpected. One 18 y.o. son together, married 18 years. Did not progress past phone calls; again, constant references to "my wife". Asked several times if he was sure he was ready to date again. Then told him I was very much interested in going on a date with Jim, but not at all interested on going on a date with Barbara's husband. Phone calls stopped!

Maybe because both these men were in their 50's? The men around here seem to think they are in perpetual stud mode...


----------



## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

TxMex-

When you posted this I was in the air flying to Peru. Alone. I'm back now 

My last relationship that was an actual full on relationship ended 8 years ago. Since then I have done a whole bunch of stuff. Not that I didn't do stuff while in the relationship but such stuff that, apparently, no one can keep up with me...and that's where I leave my mind at.

I've done the dating sites and all that and where has that really gotten me? A bit more wise...and went to Peru alone.

But you know...had a freaking blast, met people from all over the world, made good friends and even more acquaintances. 

Like you, no one can believe I am single. We are both dynamic, hard working, extremely intelligent women...and here we are. 

The way I see it, it's too bad there isn't someone with the balls to stand beside me and climb those mountains literally and figuratively. I'm about to start another new business, got a huge raise at work and am planning my "empire" for real retirement instead of semi-retirement. I know you retired early, I could have and probably should have but banked on a gentleman that I shouldn't have. No hard feelings there for me, it only took me 3 years to get it all back. A piddle in the stream of life.

We shouldn't be searching for anyone, THEY should be searching for us. 
I've given up searching, figure they will find me or they won't, until then I will suck the juice out of life by myself and share it with those close to me whether family or friend.


----------



## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

RideBarefoot said:


> ...
> Maybe because both these men were in their 50's? The men around here seem to think they are in perpetual stud mode...


Don't feel special. They feel that way here, too, and in their 70's. Believe me, nothing gets you going faster (in the opposite direction) than a 75 year old horn dog.

Mon


----------



## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

frogmammy said:


> don't feel special. They feel that way here, too, and in their 70's. Believe me, nothing gets you going faster (in the opposite direction) than a 75 year old horn dog.
> 
> Mon


lol!!! Lol!!! Lol!!!


----------



## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

You guys still beating this thread to death? Geez, if you really wanted to be married, and were marriage materiel, you could be married within a year. Getting married is easy; making it work and last is a bit harder.
Ox


----------



## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

Oxankle said:


> You guys still beating this thread to death? Geez, if you really wanted to be married, and were marriage materiel, you could be married within a year. Getting married is easy; making it work and last is a bit harder.
> Ox



You must have this thread mixed up with another one. I don't recall anyone mentioning marriage. Not everyone had the wonderful, gilt covered marriages you had. I, for one, am not anxious to walk back down the aisle. Go ahead and tell me how messed up I am and not worthy I am of good male company. Lol. I know it will help you sleep better knowing how much better you are than the rest of us


----------



## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Rkintn: Don't get your dander up--this was not aimed at you. Best I recall the thread started when Tex was out looking for a genuine, woman-worthy man. 

The plain facts are that if you want to be married you find someone like-minded and adjust your LIFESTYLES and LOCATIONS so that the two of you can work it out. The more conditions you put upon your choice the harder it will be to match yours to theirs. Just exactly like a google search. 

If you put too many conditions on the match you will not be marriage material. Personal attributes, bad memories, previous heartbreak can indeed "mess up" someone but common sense should tell one that not all men/women are alike and new starts are possible. Old anger is a heavy load to carry. "As we forgive those who have trespassed against us" is not intended to benefit the offender but to lighten the load on the offended. We put it behind us, chalk it up to experience and move on.


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Anytime I hear "the facts are plain and simple" what I REALLY HEAR is:
You're dumb, I know it all, just do what I say because it's the right way and there is no other way.

Doesn't matter WHO you directed it too....it was unkind. 
You may have the most perfect long lasting marriage in the world where everyone skips thru the tulips and whistles dixie out their backside, but not everyone has had the same experience, so when you pop off an entry like the last two you posted here, they come across as very arrogant, and hurtful........


----------



## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Why? Are you saying that common sense is hurtful? Exactly what in that last post is offensive? 

I say what I believe. If you wanted to be married you'd act in such a manner that you'd hold a mate. If you've picked a loser and dumped him/her, you decide whether or not you want to try again. 

If you decide to try again you have to decide on the CONDITIONS you attach to the deal. Too many conditions lessen the likelihood of finding a mate. Bad habits of your own lessen the likelihood. 

There are men and women out there for everyone, but to make it work the participants will have to adjust. It cannot be all "me". 

You can berate me all you like, but you cannot change facts or human nature. The anthropologists claim that human nature and human intelligence has not changes in the last 30,000 years or so. What worked yesterday still works.


----------



## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

With all due respect Mr. Oxankle, oftentimes it is not the picture you've painted in these last few posts. Remember our dear Zong?? Sometimes even the most lovable and accommodating widower has waited an agonizing time for another partner. (I would hate to see you in the position he was in, but it could happen.)

Timewise, you just lucked out, is all...





.


----------



## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

Oxankle said:


> Rkintn: Don't get your dander up--this was not aimed at you. Best I recall the thread started when Tex was out looking for a genuine, woman-worthy man.
> 
> The plain facts are that if you want to be married you find someone like-minded and adjust your LIFESTYLES and LOCATIONS so that the two of you can work it out. The more conditions you put upon your choice the harder it will be to match yours to theirs. Just exactly like a google search.
> 
> If you put too many conditions on the match you will not be marriage material. Personal attributes, bad memories, previous heartbreak can indeed "mess up" someone but common sense should tell one that not all men/women are alike and new starts are possible. Old anger is a heavy load to carry. "As we forgive those who have trespassed against us" is not intended to benefit the offender but to lighten the load on the offended. We put it behind us, chalk it up to experience and move on.



Lol I know it wasn't just directed at me but at all of us poor pitiful losers who just can't quite manage to find another lifemate like your esteemed self, simply because we won't follow your tried and true common sense advice. 

Since you have all the answers, bottle 'em up and sell 'em to someone else. There are plenty of suckers out there perfectly willing to pay you for your advice.


----------



## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Rkintn: I did not intend to upset your applecart. If you think life as I express is it not what you want do something different and see how that works for you. We all choose our own paths and live with the consequences.


----------



## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

Oxankle said:


> Rkintn: I did not intend to upset your applecart. If you think life as I express is it not what you want do something different and see how that works for you. We all choose our own paths and live with the consequences.




Thanks for the patronising permission lol.


----------



## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

I can't imagine being so insecure in myself that I'd settle for anything but exactly what I wanted in a mate. I would NEVER sell my mountain to move into a condo for any women that's for sure. Switzerland cabin, maybe ?

For 30,000 years us men have had women around so they could have our kids, at my age I don't need anymore kids. It would drive me crazy sharing my space with someone for any longer than a couple hours a day. I love the Grandkids to death, but at 5 o'clock I'm ready for them to go home. We can't all be the same and what makes one happy might make another feel the opposite. So.... Just do what ever makes You happy and don't worry about others happiness.


----------



## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Oneraddad; If you are married you MUST think of the other's happiness. That's what marriage is. For those who choose not to be married it is a choice, freely made. Those who wish to marry must realize what such a choice entails. One cannot wish to be married and think only of one's own happiness. Just does not happen that way. 

Certainly there are those who choose to be single--Being single is a lot less demanding than living with a spouse, but there are compensations that some of us are reluctant to forego.


----------



## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

"I'm so thankful for your unsolicited advice," said no one. Ever.


----------



## Allen W (Aug 2, 2008)

frogmammy said:


> Don't feel special. They feel that way here, too, and in their 70's. Believe me, nothing gets you going faster (in the opposite direction) than a 75 year old horn dog.
> 
> Mon



We have one in the community that lost his wife a year or so back. He plumb scared one young lady thinking he had seen her profile on FO and coming on to her, another said she had a hard time getting through to him she wasn't interested. If she wasn't at work it wouldn't have took her long to set him straight I'm sure.


----------



## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

I find with all this online dating stuff that if you're not having fun it's not worth doing. 

I used to try to hide little things I thought were bad about myself (taking photos from a certain angle, or that I snore from time to time... silly stuff). Now, I put it all out there, right off the bat. I try to be as genuinely me as I possibly can. I'll show up in flip flops sometimes even, as that's *me*, and I don't want to give a false impression.

However, one thing I have *stopped* doing is being as chatty about my friends and family. It's kind of instinctual that when you first meet someone you want to tell them about the people that are special in your life, but it can also be dangerous (even if only emotionally so). I'll give basic information, but not much more than that. I don't invite them to my house, and I don't accept FB invitations from people I've just met now either. 

Up front: Friends, friends, friends. If we both find each other attractive and hit it off over the course of a little while then that's great - but initially, just (seriously just) friends. Unless it's Cindy Crawford... then I might bend that rule 

I hate that you're having such a tough time of things with the dating, but I *hope* you'll find some enjoyment from it, as it can be a lot of fun.


----------



## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Ox, we know all about the - pick one, take it home and feed it, accommodate and compromise- routine. Anyone can have a bf/gf, fiancÃ© or spouse if they're willing to compromise themselves to the consistency of jello. 

Most of us here would like meet trustworthy people moving on the same path as us in the same direction who adds positive to our lives. We aren't interested in people who detract from the wonderful things we already have going on. We have friends. These are positive people we love and trust, but who may not be our compatibility match. We enjoy their company, they enjoy ours, we can talk about anything but we wouldn't try to force 24 hour togetherness.

Being the kind of people we are, mostly middle aged homesteady types, or at least 2nd time arounders lest I offend young ladies, homesteady being the key word, our pickin's are slim. That's okay, we don't have to waste our precious time and energy trying them ALL. I'll hang back with friends and watch others try and date them all. What these people get hit with are those who are not interested in relationship involving two people.

I appreciate my guy friends, they open up and talk. I know where they've been, they know where I've been so we don't BS each other too much. I asked if a particular man actually liked a particular woman, I questioned if he liked women at all? He freezes, stands aloof and speaks very little with her while she does the talking. He's crazy about her, he adores her, he's scared to death and having a hard time accessing the connection. The Guys explained they're mostly all that way. Everyone is scared, everyone has a hard time connecting. The more they feel love, respect and relationship toward a woman, the harder it is to have the courage to actually SPEAK to her let alone ask her out on a real date. They don't want to mess it up and face rejection. If they have no feelings toward her and she seems willing, they'll aggressively play ding dong ditch. There's plenty of women okay with this.

Quite educational and explains a lot. If men really like and respect you, they're around but won't talk to you. If they don't care for you they're all over you like slime on a slug, only if you let them. I'm not sure how to use this new information. :awh:


----------



## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

My new favorite that is again making rounds on the internet:

The reason why Mayberry was so peaceful is because no one on the show was married.

Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T. Bass, the Darling family, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara.....

Everyone was single......except Otis.

Otis was married and stayed drunk all the time.

:nana:


----------

