# For the ladies and maybe the men. Deal breakers.



## Darren (May 10, 2002)

I met someone online literally on my birthday. What are the chances of that? We seemed to have a lot in common including volunteer work we had done. she thought my pictures were sexy. That was a surprise. Her concern was chemistry. We met and I seemingly passed the chemistry test with flying colors. We've emailed back and forth. She liked getting my emails. Claimed they made her blood boil and believe you me there was nothing suggestive in there. We met again recently for lunch and to go kayaking. 

Lunch was OK but I got a weird feeling when she also paid the tip. I had paid the first time out and she had paid the tip. While kayaking her father was mentioned. It turned out his brithday was the same as mine. That got a reaction like a snort of laughter out of her. She didn't get along with her father.

Today I got the Dear Darren email. She said she thought we had some fundamental differences that would be fatal to a long term relationship. 

We've been in communication for almost two months. I'd would have liked to know what the perceived issues were. I know we disagree on AGW, We never argued it. She's headed to NYC for the march. I didn't have a problem with that and told her so.

So what's up with pulling the plug without talking about things first? I realize some folks are afraid of hurting other's feelings. Nor do they want to get in an argument. 

What say you? I'm an open book. Anything a woman wants to know, I'll tell her. I do not get defensive. I understand people can normally only judge based on their experience. Many of you have put up with me for years. Believe it or not, I'm friendlier in person. Take your shot.

Puzzled in WV.


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## gweny (Feb 10, 2014)

I would file that decision under "her issues" not yours. Just thank god she didn't wait a decade to come to that conclusion! 
I'm gunna let you in a super big secret... Women are just as clueless and desperate as men. Just be yourself and if she figures out that it ain't gunna work before you do than don't take it personal. Just be grateful that it didn't cost you half of everything to figure it out. KWIM?


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

I'm not taking it personal. It's the surprise.


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## Guest (Sep 19, 2014)

I found over the years that sometimes, when people meet online, they usually continue to keep looking online while dating a new person...then in the middle of dating, they meet someone else online who rings their bell loudly, and they want to concentrate on THAT new person...it's easier to email someone and claim incompatibilty vs speaking to them and admitting that they've found someone MORE interesting, etc...

So, it probably has little or nothing to do with you...you may have been 80% of the type she was after...and then another guy popped up who seems to be the 100%er.....Personally, I would be happy to have dodged the bullet...anybody who is so impersonal as to use email to say, "see ya", is not my cup of tea!
..just my two cents


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## gweny (Feb 10, 2014)

Well, personally I love kayaking! That sounds like an ideal first date to me! Plenty of time to chat together while not staring each other down (like at a table) all awkward like. I think the dinner would be better served afterwards. Gives plenty of time to build camaraderie and an appetite that way... Other than that though...?
Do you have kids, a psycho ex, or something? I really can't tell you why she baled without being a fly on the wall. It's happened to me plenty (when I was single). I always just figured it must be something specific they were looking for or that we just didn't mesh. Suffice it to say, if they don't think it will work than I best not waste my time on it.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

I agree. Her issue not yours. You probably reminded her in some small way of a great Uncle she had problems with as a child or something. 

She could also be testing you. If you would like to continue the relationship, don't sent her back an angry note, but rather express your surprise and that you thought the relationship was going well and that you enjoyed her company. Not begging her to take you back by any means, but rather something that tells her that her unfounded fears are...well, unfounded. We are all afraid from time to time. Relationships are scary...especially after you've been through a bad one or two.


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

I don't get angry about stuff like that. I figure it's the woman's choice. I'm definitely not going to be a PITA about it. My reply was cordial. I wished her the best.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

In truth, it doesn't matter the reason. In the absence of something specific, I don't see the point of speculating. You can take her at her word that she sees something that won't mesh. Her fear may well be that you'll try to talk her out of her instinctual understanding -- and that may be the bigger mistake. 

I think she is trying to be honest with you and give you the courtesy of an explanation without having to engage in the Full Discussion. A lot of men WOULD want to discuss (argue?) the point, and if that is her experience, it's probably that part of things she wishes to avoid. Even if you are different, she has no way of knowing that.

I once let a man talk me into a relationship against my better judgment. It wasted both our time and the outcome was the same. We went our separate ways for the EXACT reason I had said we would when I was attempting to end the thing before it got underway. So that's something to consider, FWIW.

Really fabulous relationships happen when you BOTH agree, nothing could be finer than the two of you together. Get on with your search!


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

@Darren, it's happened to me too. Believe me, it'd be _great_ to get the skinny on why. But, after trying my best to find out the 'why' straight from the source, and then soul searching to see if I could see it from a different angle, I finally decided all that effort was doing nothing but giving me a thinkin' problem. And I came to the conclusion that the whole thing... from the moment where she (basically) pulled the plug, to the moment I had my epiphany was actually a good thing. 

See, the way I learned to look at it is like this: the frustration, and its seemingly attached failure, is directly proportional to the strength I gained from a lesson in humility. Because it _was_ humbling to not be able to, first, figure out what the problem was, then find a solution. 

From the get go, this lady seemed special. I was psyched! Then majorly bummed. Then totally flummoxed. Then gradually, I became comfortably resigned to the fact that what I knew up to that point was all I was ever going to know. Period! As smart, and beautiful, and compassionate, and clever as she is, she just doesn't have it in her to tell me any more about the reasons why she stopped being interested.

So. It's like this. You can't figure some women. (Or men, when it comes down to it.) And --really-- we should just stop tryin'. 'Cause they really are pretty cool being a little mysterious. Plus all those curves, and soft spots, and jiggly bits, in all the right places... SLAP!...........................
and, basically, they _are_ mostly like gweny said. (Although, between you and me, even though she threw you a bone, they'll never reveal all. LOL)

Too much typing! there's a fire pit and a cooler of beer calling me. Later...


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

I had a similar situation happen recently. He was a guy that was a friend of some mutual friends. We had met before and talked in person a little bit. I enjoyed talking to him and he figured out I wasn't married and started texting me. We texted for a few days and it was enjoyable. He asked to take the kids and I out to eat lunch and to a movie. It was during this outing that I realized there just wasn't any chemistry there on my end. I know he was very interested in moving forward, but I just was not. I let him know the next day that even though he is a very nice person, I just wasn't interested in dating him. I could sit here and spell out all the little things that I just didn't like and what led me to that decision, but ultimately it was my decision to make and I wouldn't have felt right continuing to search for a spark that I knew in my heart was not there for me. I don't have any problem with him or speaking to him if/when I see him again, I just didn't want to be in a relationship with him. 

All that being said, take her at her word and move on. Second guessing doesn't do anyone any good. After all, isn't that what dating is all about? Meeting different people and finding the one for you?


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## starjj (May 2, 2005)

I figure the "spark" just wasn't there for her. Maybe she felt it was at first but decided no. I also agree with BL people who date on line usually keep searching while dating and she probably found someone who in her eyes was more to her liking. It really isn't a reflection on you sometimes it just doesn't work.


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

I think it was the AGW thing, but that's a guess since I haven't a clue what AGW refers to...but when you sound out the letters, it's a very contentious type utterance. Kinda' like ARGH or THPTH.


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## TRellis (Sep 16, 2013)

Darren said:


> I met someone online literally on my birthday. What are the chances of that? We seemed to have a lot in common including volunteer work we had done. she thought my pictures were sexy. That was a surprise. Her concern was chemistry. We met and I seemingly passed the chemistry test with flying colors. We've emailed back and forth. She liked getting my emails. Claimed they made her blood boil and believe you me there was nothing suggestive in there. We met again recently for lunch and to go kayaking.
> 
> Lunch was OK but I got a weird feeling when she also paid the tip. I had paid the first time out and she had paid the tip. While kayaking her father was mentioned. It turned out his brithday was the same as mine. That got a reaction like a snort of laughter out of her. She didn't get along with her father.
> 
> ...



Let me ask you this....

What would be your reaction if she were to contact you in a week or two or month or two and state that she may have made a mistake and "let's get together"?

Me??? I would probably say something like, "Who is this?"

TRellis


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## Guest (Sep 20, 2014)

Sometimes people are just playing some kind of weird game with you. I went to a lot of trouble once to try to figure out "what went wrong" Nothing. She had her own agenda, her own game, and just assumed that everybody else was playing a game too. 

Not to say that was what happened to you. Best thing is to just shake it off and try to not let it tint your next relationship. You don't want to get jaded by somebody messing with your mind. If you didn't change, she did. It's that simple.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I been watching a show on U Tubes called Sharpes Rifles, bout a plain born soldier who slowly rises up in the ran ks in the Napolieonic? wars. They fire flintlock rifles and muskets.
Sometimes, the rifle sparks good, but the round don't go off. I think that may have been the way with her. It all sparked good, but nothing came out of it.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

bostonlesley said:


> I found over the years that sometimes, when people meet online, they usually continue to keep looking online while dating a new person...then in the middle of dating, they meet someone else online who rings their bell loudly, and they want to concentrate on THAT new person...it's easier to email someone and claim incompatibilty vs speaking to them and admitting that they've found someone MORE interesting, etc...


I guess I'm dense. I just never consider this sort of thing as a possibility. I'm not capable of it. I have enough trouble with one guy. Can't imagine trying to focus on or date more than one. I'd just plain feel weird.


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## starjj (May 2, 2005)

Ramblin Wreck said:


> I think it was the AGW thing, but that's a guess since I haven't a clue what AGW refers to...but when you sound out the letters, it's a very contentious type utterance. Kinda' like ARGH or THPTH.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AGW

I figure it is this and RW I had no idea either color me dumb lol


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## starjj (May 2, 2005)

TRellis said:


> Let me ask you this....
> 
> What would be your reaction if she were to contact you in a week or two or month or two and state that she may have made a mistake and "let's get together"?
> 
> ...


 
I think this actually happens as you are plan "B" since "A" is busy.


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

Thanks starjj. I googled it, but found nothing You're a better googler than I am. 

But I think it answers the bigger question. She definitely feels Darren causes global warming. Maybe it's a gassy problem or something. Maybe they ate at a Mexican restaurant.


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

TRellis said:


> Let me ask you this....
> 
> What would be your reaction if she were to contact you in a week or two or month or two and state that she may have made a mistake and "let's get together"?
> 
> ...


I had doubts going in. She's a Scorpio. I realize a sample of two isn't statistically relevant but there were a lot things the same about the two women. I'd like to meet a woman sometime that's up front and willing to talk about what's going on. When you ask a question and they don't want to answer, that's a problem especially when it involves the two of you.

If a woman involved with me wants to know something about me or my past, I'll tell her. 

If she contacts me in the future, I don't know what I'd do. There would have to be some nitty gritty discussion. I don't see that happening. Ever feel like you're walking on eggs shells around someone? That's not good.


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## homefire2007 (Sep 21, 2007)

I would think of it as she weeded herself out. good...you can concentrate on getting on with things. Amazing the inner dialogs we have with ourselves that the other person couldn't even begin to guess at. And maybe we wouldn't even want to know. A deal breaker for me would be some one who was cruel to animals and children........tells a lot about a human being.


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## Bellyman (Jul 6, 2013)

The AGW thing might not have seemed like a big deal but maybe she felt like she needed you with her on that to really connect. 

Not being of the AGW crowd, I can't say, but it's possible it could be similar to meeting a lady that wanted you to go to church with her and got the same response, that you're not into that kind of thing but for her to go. 

It was just a thought that came to mind. 

Like was said earlier, at least you didn't find out you were "incompatible" after 10 years, 3 kids and losing 1/2 of everything you thought you owned.

All the best,


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

I'm happy to hear that RW and Starr are just as dumb as I am. now that I know what it is though. if you disagree with her on this that's enough for some people to get their back up. could be it but what do I know. ~Georgia.


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## itsb (Jan 13, 2013)

come on!!! fill me in what does AGW mean :hammer:I cant wait :buds:


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

To the OP, in the first paragraph of your post pretty much outlined that she sounds like a flake. Boiling blood? Be honest with yourself, that comment is likely what got her the date with you in the first place. Sounds like a mental thing to me. She had no need to see or talk in person because she was just not that into you, you were disposable to her as many people think others are. Odds are you likely were on a list of guys she was working through. Maybe one of the other guys made her hair stand on end while her blood boiled and her lips got all tingly!! LOLOL 

Friend i think you dodged a bullet with that one. Go and find yourself a good woman, you sound like a decent guy.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

If the situation happened to me, I'd shrug my shoulders and say, "Next?!".

Don't bother figuring it out as it's just a short episode in your life. There is nothing wrong with you or her or the relationship. It just wasn't meant to be.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Maybe AGW = 

All Goat Weiners?
A Goofy Woman?
Animals Gone Wrong?
Anyone Got Wine?
All Guys are Wacked?
A Group of Wombats?
Affirming Global Warming?

All seem to be in context with your description of her. :sing::buds::hammer::facepalm::sing::cute::dj::yuck: 

Take your pick!!!


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

She was kind to you---she cut you off before you fell.
Ox


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## Bellyman (Jul 6, 2013)

itsb said:


> come on!!! fill me in what does AGW mean :hammer:I cant wait :buds:


When I googled AGW, the first listing came up with "Anthropogenic Global Warming". 

My own personal feelings of AGW aside, I do realize that some people take on such things almost as a "religion" and sometimes can get pretty radical with it. 

Now, it's possible, that the OP had meant something different by AGW that I'm not familiar with. (?) But that's where my earlier thoughts came from.


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

I don't know the whole story- Sorry that this is what You have encountered Darren?


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

Peace***


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

Given the ugly judgments on display here about those of us who accept AGW as true, I can well understand why the lady may have considered it a âdeal breaker.â Although the OP is not one of the typical deniers who engages in the constant derision, jeering and belittling to which one who is accepting AGW is accustomed, she may have felt it was a risk she wasnât prepared to take. If not him, likely his friends or family members. 

The difference in opinion over the issue of AGW itself is not really what is of concern. But how an individual evaluates and parses information in general is very different, depending on which side of the AGW debate one stands on. The world views of each are entirely disparate, and reliably so.

One need only read this thread to appreciate her concerns, if indeed they were the reason for her sudden reticence. If yes, is there a nice way to say, âThe way you think doesnât make sense to me?â

And of course, we have no way of knowing this was in fact her reason. But by all means, donât let that stop you from taking cheap swipes at someone who isnât even here to defend or clarify her choice.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Tom, a lot of folks simply are not interested enough to sit down and talk constructively, sadly it is the single most destructive factor in any relationship there is. 

To my way of thinking, a "dear John letter" simply tells me that person is weak in the head, throat, and speaks volumes of their emotional immaturity, an extremely unattractive and deal breaking trait to me. Good riddance.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

I just googled AGW . I was trying to make a funny. I had no idea what AGW meant, and no disrespect was intended. Sorry for offending anyone.


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

Raeven said:


> Given the ugly judgments on display here about those of us who accept AGW as true, I can well understand why the lady may have considered it a âdeal breaker.â Although the OP is not one of the typical deniers who engages in the constant derision, jeering and belittling to which one who is accepting AGW is accustomed, she may have felt it was a risk she wasnât prepared to take. If not him, likely his friends or family members.
> 
> The difference in opinion over the issue of AGW itself is not really what is of concern. But how an individual evaluates and parses information in general is very different, depending on which side of the AGW debate one stands on. The world views of each are entirely disparate, and reliably so.
> 
> ...



What does AGW mean?, I am sorry I really am not sure what is being discussed here?


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

Sorry Rae, I meant no disrespect to anyone? I still want to know what AGW means???


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

doingitmyself said:


> I just googled AGW . I was trying to make a funny. I had no idea what AGW meant, and no disrespect was intended. Sorry for offending anyone.


Oh, I'm not offended. Your response is typical of those who don't believe in AGW, and I think it demonstrates perfectly why a woman who views the issue as I do might have some legitimate concerns that a long-term, successful relationship with someone who views the issue as you do would be challenging, difficult and perhaps not a good decision for her. And there is no easy way to explain that to someone, even if they are someone like Darren, who could hear the explanation without judgment or ridicule.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

Twp.Tom said:


> Sorry Rae, I meant no disrespect to anyone? I still want to know what AGW means???


Tom, I know you meant no disrespect. No worries here. 

AGW stands for Anthropogenic Global Warming, meaning human caused.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

I didn't view AGW as anything, as i said i don't know what it meant. 

But that statement does not seem to be accepted. 

You would be surprised at my thoughts about this issue, and human Terra forming projects, but i not likely we will get into that.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

doingitmyself said:


> Maybe AGW =
> 
> All Goat Weiners?
> A Goofy Woman?
> ...


I guess I've known what AGW stands for for so long -- literally decades -- I can't imagine anyone doesn't. But here in this thread, there are several of you who say you didn't know what it meant. If I owe you an apology for wrongfully judging your lack of knowledge about this subject, then you have it. 

Even so, you still said that "affirming global warming" was a reason to be glad to be rid of her -- which, I hope you can understand, might not be taken in the most favorable light by someone like me -- and also might explain why the woman in question may have felt the same toward the OP.


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

I didn't ridicule her belief about global warming. Sure, I don't believe in it. I told her I still supported her decision to go to NYC. Although she may have considered my terming it a scam an affront, she responded by saying someday I needed to explain. I can waste a lot of time reviewing all of the she saids and he saids. I doubt if I'll figure it out. 

It would be easier to avoid Scorpios in the future or perhaps get a mail order amulet. 

For those who are not hard and fast in their viewpoint there was a significant scientific achievement in the past year or so that shows why water the most important greenhouse gas by far makes CO2's contribution less than miniscule by comparison.

Clouds formation by cosmic particles was demonstrated in the laboratory. It has long been thought by some scientists that the Sun had an affect on cloud formation which affected heat retention or loss and thus changes in the climate as the Sun's output changed.

No mention hit the mainstream press. It's an extremely inconvenient fact for those that believe CO2 drives climate change and stand to make money by focusing on CO2. The big problem is that governments can't control water vapor, so the ability to tax based on water vapor emissions is nil. CO2 on the other hand is a perfect candidate.

It's a perfect example of follow the money.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

Linky?


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## gweny (Feb 10, 2014)

Hey wait just minute! What's wrong with being a Scorpio? I've never been so inconsiderate as to end it with someone via email. I can't even hang up on people that totally deserve it! 
Sure it may take me awhile to speak my mind, but that's just because the topic/ person is really important. What's wrong with taking time to seriously consider possible outcomes? Words are a powerful tool, not to be thrown about flippantly.
Please don't judge us all by a few bad experiences? If you are really into the whole horoscope thing at least understand that certain alignments and planetary positions can culminate in very awesome and positive scorpios (not unlike myself, lol).


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

This is not a link to the experiment. It is a summary of most work to date.

http://www-ssc.igpp.ucla.edu/IASTP/43/


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

Thanks.


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## farmer9989 (Apr 22, 2008)

I think you said what her issue is , she scoffed at your birthday same as her dads. which she has a problem with him.since your birthday is the same your the same as him.its her issue not yours.


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

You're welcome. Don't go off and harangue AGW believers on my account. Live and let live.


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

I'm thinking of forming an anti acronym group, AAG for short.


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## summerdaze (Jun 11, 2009)

Ramblin', TBG -- That'd be great


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

gweny said:


> Hey wait just minute! What's wrong with being a Scorpio? I've never been so inconsiderate as to end it with someone via email. I can't even hang up on people that totally deserve it!
> Sure it may take me awhile to speak my mind, but that's just because the topic/ person is really important. What's wrong with taking time to seriously consider possible outcomes? Words are a powerful tool, not to be thrown about flippantly.
> Please don't judge us all by a few bad experiences? If you are really into the whole horoscope thing at least understand that certain alignments and planetary positions can culminate in very awesome and positive scorpios (not unlike myself, lol).


I have no doubt. Unfortunately based on the recent unexpected experience, it's easier to practice avoidance. Based on experience, I'm better off with those of the Leonine, Sagittarian or Arian persuasion.

Astrological signs to me are like the weather forecast. Sometimes it's right on target other times it's completely wrong. There are hints though.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

Darren said:


> You're welcome. Don't go off and harangue AGW believers on my account. Live and let live.


LOL, I saw what you did there... and don't worry. I already debunked your link to my own satisfaction and few know the futility as well as I do of attempting to dissuade anyone from their own world view on this issue. I've no wish to have a debate in your thread about AGW, only hoped to point out why it may have been a significant consideration to your recently-departed Person of Attraction (POA?).


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

I agree. The fact she listed liberals as something she liked along with pop sickles should have been a clue. :shocked:

Can a liberal and a quasi-conservative cohabitate? Seems potentially perilous.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

Mmmmm. It's a question, for sure. I've never felt people have to think in lockstep to make a go of a relationship, but mutual respect for one another, if not for one another's positions, is essential. That can be hard to achieve. In fact, it may be that YOU were capable of doing that, but she wasn't... and she knew it. 

I'll go further and say one reason she may have chosen email as her way of "dropping" you is because the attraction was very strong on her end, and she may have had doubts she could have resisted your physical charms in a face-to-face.

Hey, it's as legitimate a scenario as others here have posited! 

Oh, and you never mentioned your dislike of popsicles before. THAT... is a deal breaker.


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

Carville and Matalin have been together for a while now, Carlin or Matville for short, depending upon which side of the aisle you prefer. I think Carville is funnier and Matalin is prettier, but hey, that's just me.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

Ramblin Wreck said:


> Carville and Matalin have been together for a while now, Carlin or Matville for short, depending upon which side of the aisle you prefer. I think Carville is funnier and Matalin is prettier, but hey, that's just me.


Yikes, have you seen them in joint interviews recently? Their body language is painful to watch. To me, it says they loathe each other! I could be wrong, of course, but that's my take.


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## Malamute (Sep 15, 2011)

Darren said:


> * I didn't ridicule her belief about global warming.* Sure, I don't believe in it. I told her I still supported her decision to go to NYC. Although *she may have considered my terming it a scam an affront,*...


You just contradicted yourself.

I'm not at all surprised she broke it off after that exchange.

My comments have zero to do with what _I_ believe, its about calling something somebody believes is serious a scam. You may feel its relatively insignificant, but she doesn't. I think she probably made a good call in this case. It may be about like her calling God or Christianity, the second amendment, or (pick your topic of interest) a scam. You may see them as entirely different, but its basically the same thing when somebody is serious and passionate about a subject they feel is important.

I'd say the issue isn't so much her in this case.

If I said anyone that believes in astrology is retarded, would you be offended or feel affronted in any way? The difference is, I believe that, but don't tell people that.

ETA: And Darren, I'm not trying to rag on you, but point out how people can take things entirely differently. I do think you missed something significant in the situation though.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

Nail on the head, Mal. How does one divorce one's SELF from what one passionately believes? Criticism of one almost invariably is interpreted as criticism of the other.


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

Raeven said:


> Yikes, have you seen them in joint interviews recently? Their body language is painful to watch. To me, it says they loathe each other! I could be wrong, of course, but that's my take.


You know, I haven't seen either of them in a while. I disconnected from Dish several months ago, and I still haven't bought an antenna that works. Don't know that I ever will. I use a Roku box with Netflix and HuluPlus streaming when I want to watch TV...darn another acronym. :yuck: 

Hope you are having a wonderful Fall Rae.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

Ramblin Wreck said:


> You know, I haven't seen either of them in a while. I disconnected from Dish several months ago, and I still haven't bought an antenna that works. Don't know that I ever will. I use a Roku box with Netflix and HuluPlus streaming when I want to watch TV...darn another acronym. :yuck:
> 
> Hope you are having a wonderful Fall Rae.


There's not much to miss in the absence of your antenna... smart call, RW. 

Thanks for asking about my fall. It's been busy and challenging in ways, but I think I'm about out from under the leaves at last. Likewise, I hope you are enjoying a lovely one!


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## summerdaze (Jun 11, 2009)

Darren, I'm thinking the AGW beliefs are probably at the bottom of this. From what I've seen and heard, it's more of a political issue, with overwhelmingly more support from democrats/progressives/liberals, and maybe some"soft" repubs, etc. Honestly, when I hear that someone is passionate about the global warming issue, I feel that I have a pretty good idea about that person's politics. I would bet they're more on the democratic side of things in general, or may see themselves as more of a progressive or liberal. When a person puts their money and especially their TIME into a cause, they're probably going to be pretty passionate about it. Her going to NYC tells me that she is. 

She may have sorta summed up what she thinks YOU may be about politically with your comment about her passion referred to as a "scam". 

I personally have strong opinions about religion and politics. In my eyes they are fundamental issues, and 2 very important ones in determining compatibility. I wouldn't try to convert anyone to my way of thinking, and I don't want anyone to be defensive about their beliefs or feel that I have to constantly defend mine. Those are 2 things that I'd want to pretty much be in agreement on from the start. 
So, I may have fairly quickly ended things in pretty much the same way as she did. Nothing personal. Just no reason to hash those 2 things out. 

Be happy and begin again!


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## homefire2007 (Sep 21, 2007)

Wow!!! Guess I should have read through all the posts before responding. AGW...didn't know what that meant till now. If some one had said global warming..well that would have been a whole other critter. Yup...I believe in global warming...I hug liberals (my oldest son) and I hug ultra conservatives (my youngest son). I feel no need to denigrate either stance or need to be 'right' on any given subject. I believe what I believe and feel no need to defend a stance or tell some one else they've got it all wrong. I even hug trees :run:


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## Bellyman (Jul 6, 2013)

I hope I wasn't the cause of Raeven's post that stands up for AGW. I didn't mean to offend either.

Actually, Raeven, you might be surprised at my sympathies in the direction of AGW. I do believe that mankind has done a lot of damage to the earth and continues to do so. 

My problems usually come near the extremes. I have a problem with an AGW promoter telling everyone else that they should "save the rain forest" and then cover their office in wood that came from the rain forest that was cut down to do such and then want to "tax" everyone who wants to do the same. I also have a real problem with people that dump raw sewage into their drinking water and rape the earth (above and below ground) thinking it has no effect on the overall condition of the planet we live on.

So while you won't see me at AGW rallies, I really do care about the condition of this earth, and for even more reasons that I'd care to go into here. The politics of it all, though, leave a very bad taste in my mouth, on both extremes.


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## sbonner (Sep 1, 2014)

As someone leans left more often than not (especially when it comes to scientific topics like global warming), I think I could easily live alongside a conservative -- but as another poster mentioned, you have to have respect for the other person's views.

How you say things matters a lot. It may not seem like it, but it does. For instance, when you say, "I know you're wrong, global warming is a scam," you're typically going to come off a *lot* more offensive than "I read a study recently that says that water contributes more CO2 than the industrial complex." The first statement is basically a backhanded insult that insinuates the other person is a dupe and your position is completely unassailable (making you look like an arrogant ***), while the latter is an open door to a conversation that might lead to a lot more common ground.

Everyone does it, but WHEN you do it, and HOW you do it, will ultimately decide who can put up with you and who you can put up with. Someone who wants to talk about and explore their faith, for example, is not going to get along with an atheist who essentially stands there and repeats "You're wrong, I'm right, God doesn't exist." like a broken record any more than they're going to get along with someone who insists that you'll burn for eternity if you aren't fanatically adhering to their view of 'religious good.' 

Bottom line -- you probably had some body language or said something that made you come off as an ***, in her view, so she moved on. To each their own. At least she didn't pretend she was cool with it and let it become an issue years down the road.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

As one of the comparatively few liberals on this board, I admit to a certain sensitivity -- perhaps even overly-developed -- to what sometimes feels like regular assumptions made and posted about what people "should" think on this forum. Bellyman, it wasn't your comments. I mistook doingitmyself's post as a slap at we who believe Anthropogenic Global Warming is a very real phenomenon, as well as a basis for the behavior of Darren's Person of Attraction. I apologized to doingitmyself when he clarified that he was funning around without any understanding about what AGW actually stood for. Hope that explains the origins of my indignation.

sbonner, welcome to the board.


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## Malamute (Sep 15, 2011)

On a side note, I find it interesting that so many take the "pre-prepared package" of beliefs on most topics. I prefer the ala carte approach. I pick and choose what I believe, with little regard for what the mainline red or blue coolade drinking lines of thought are on the subject. Someone brought it up, yes, its _common_ that when someone believes X, they _generally_ believe much of the same party line of thinking, but that certainly isn't universal.


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## TRellis (Sep 16, 2013)

Malamute said:


> On a side note, I find it interesting that so many take the "pre-prepared package" of beliefs on most topics. *I prefer the ala carte approach. I pick and choose what I believe, with little regard for what the mainline red or blue coolade drinking lines of thought are on the subject.* Someone brought it up, yes, its _common_ that when someone believes X, they _generally_ believe much of the same party line of thinking, but that certainly isn't universal.


I fully agree. I have never intentionally voted for a "straight party ticket" in my life and do not drink the koolaid from either side.

Maybe this is fodder for one of those polls. Just to see the results from a small sample of HT'ers. To see if there is a possible correlation between self-described political affiliation and the propensity of belief in Global Warming. I would set it up but do not know how.

Something along the lines of this:

Offer the three main political ideologies plus the catch-all; 
Conservative, Independent, Liberal, and Other.

And maybe offer the following for levels of beliefs concerning Global Warming;
Man-made GW is a sham, Man is a factor in GW, Man is the sole source of GW, and Other



Just an idea....

TRellis


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## hfuller (Aug 23, 2014)

Maybe she just wasn't that into you. Took her a few try's to decide. IMHO You dodged a bullet though


Michigan troll


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## Trainwrek (Aug 23, 2014)

I would just let her go in an off handed way, probably say something like I had serious reservations myself so this is probably for the best. Wish her the best of luck and never contact her again. The best you can do when you're dumped is to try to salvage as much dignity as possible. If it's any consolation she'll probably always wonder at how easily you let her go.

Alot of times when you do that, they try to come back because you put that doubt in her mind. NEVER under any circumstances take her back.


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

doingitmyself said:


> To the OP, in the first paragraph of your post pretty much outlined that she sounds like a flake. Boiling blood? Be honest with yourself, that comment is likely what got her the date with you in the first place. Sounds like a mental thing to me. She had no need to see or talk in person because she was just not that into you, you were disposable to her as many people think others are. Odds are you likely were on a list of guys she was working through. Maybe one of the other guys made her hair stand on end while her blood boiled and her lips got all tingly!! LOLOL
> 
> Friend i think you dodged a bullet with that one. Go and find yourself a good woman, you sound like a decent guy.


Today you can do a good job of looking at most folks' backgrounds. The women in question knocked my socks off when we started emailing. She's been involved with some environmental issues that I greatly respect. We found out we had traveled many of the same paths in a manner of speaking. She was, I thought, candid about men she had dated. From what I know she's not a flake, just a person with strong opinions and the fortitude not to compromise.

I don't think she looked at me as disposable. Looking back I think she understood or her instincts were that we weren't a 100% match. I figure she gave me a shot and my calling AGW a scam was too much. 

We had a great afternoon of kayaking a few days later. Learning my birthday was the same as her father's probably was what she needed to call things off. They never got along and most times the person you've just started seeing is behaving as oood as it gets. Meaning that if there's any sign you're not comfortable about, chance are it may get worse.

Sometimes it helps to understand why someone enters your life. She did help me realize something that I had not been aware of in an old relationship. I owe her a huge debt of gratitude for that.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

I am humbled to admit that the men that I have been interested in, ended with me backing off.
I am not sure that I can even articulate why.
I can assure you that it had nothing to do with them. I could not have put myself out there at all unless it was with someone who I admired and respected.

The ending of my long term marriage was extremely traumatic. My emotions were all over the place. As much as I wanted to have a connection with another, and I tried, I just couldn't .
For me it was like putting a bandaid over a gaping wound. 
I needed to heal more first before I had anything of value to offer.


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## hawgsquatch (May 11, 2014)

The only deal breaker I can think of is a mustache. If her's is better than mine I'm outta there.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Not being a smarty pants.....but she could have BPD....alot of what you described about her is 'classic' BPD behavior.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

What is BPD?


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Borderline Personality Disorder


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Oh, thanks.:facepalm:


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

I was thinking/guessing bi-polar, so I'm thankful for the question and response. Confusion again reigned...those darn acronyms will one day make me DOA.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Hey, I know what that one means!


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

Ramblin Wreck said:


> I was thinking/guessing bi-polar, so I'm thankful for the question and response. Confusion again reigned...those darn acronyms will one day make me DOA.



Or maybe DRT? I love acronyms Lol


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Ramblin Wreck said:


> I was thinking/guessing bi-polar, so I'm thankful for the question and response. Confusion again reigned...those darn acronyms will one day make me DOA.


DOA= Drunk on arrival?


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

I was going to say blood pressure something or other. probably because if I had any problems with mine it would sure go up trying to figure this out. ~Georgia.


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Not being a smarty pants.....but she could have BPD....alot of what you described about her is 'classic' BPD behavior.


I'm not qualified to diagnose that. The little I know about her life seems to indicate she's a very stable person. She's a staunch environmentalist. Looking back, calling AGW a scam was probably the key issue. We were discussing quite a few issues about my life. I'm sure she had doubts.

She Googled me immediately after finding out my last name. She had a huge problem when she found out I was a Republican. I'd changed to independent recently. That seemed to relive her because there seemed to be genuine interest. 

It's water over the dam at this point. I can only be me. I can't change key things to suit others. I'm willing to change opinions based on facts. When it comes down to tossing a coin to decide what is true or false you're getting into a faith based belief. If that's the case, you'll never change what the other person believes. If they make personal decisions based on that, you're either compatible in their mind or the enemy in a manner of speaking.

I ended up being persona non grata for reasons unknown. When it comes to understanding women, I'm obviously a neophyte on some level.


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## Paumon (Jul 12, 2007)

Darren, I really like the way you are being honest and non-judgemental and not casting blame about the lady, not trying to make her look bad or as if she has a mental illness. Nothing you have said about her makes her sound like she's unstable or has any problem like a mental illness, she just has some beliefs that are fundamentally important to her but are different from your own. 

It sounds to me like you BOTH dodged bullets before there was a chance for resentments and hard feelings to arise between you both. As far as deal-breakers are concerned I think the experience has given you a much better idea of important things to find out about a person next time before getting deeply involved with them or making committments.


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## Paumon (Jul 12, 2007)

Just wanted to add, I think it's kind of sad though that something like climate change politics would get in the way of two people finding happiness with each other.


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

Her level of commitment was what attracted me. She's involved in many activities that support that. She has a brain and she uses it.  There was nothing about her I didn't like. In talking about the past there was a lot of commonality in things we had read and some volunteer activities.

The best I can do now obviously is leave her alone. I'll still remember the happiness she brought me even for a short time.


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## Paumon (Jul 12, 2007)

Darren said:


> Her level of commitment was what attracted me. She's involved in many activities that support that. She has a brain and she uses it.  There was nothing about her I didn't like. In talking about the past there was a lot of commonality in things we had read and some volunteer activities.
> 
> The best I can do now obviously is leave her alone. I'll still remember the happiness she brought me even for a short time.


Okay, I hope you understand I'm not trying to persuade or dissuade you, just want to say if it was me in your shoes and the person had made me quite happy in many other ways then I wouldn't let it go at that without making at least one last effort to come to some kind of friendly resolution. Sometimes friendship for its own sake is worth making an effort for.

I'd send a peace offering communication of some kind stating that I appreciate that there are certain differences in the things we believe in and that I'll respect their wishes if they prefer to no longer have further contact because of the differences .... but .... if there's a chance that we could still be friends in spite of the differences, still get together once in awhile in friendship and to enjoy the common interests with each other, that I'd be open to that. If they said no then I'd let it go and never make contact again. If they said okay to friendship then I'd keep it casual and low key, only stick to common interests and not talk about the things that are in opposition to each other's beliefs.

That's just my way of thinking though, and I understand that some people don't want simple friendship if it means there can be no intimacy in the long run.


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

I appreciate the suggestion. She had an unwelcome relationship with a man that would not take no for an answer. He wore her down over a long period. After two years she called it off. My offer of friendship may be viewed in the same manner. It's the "What's he up to?" question that would occur to her. 

I had thought of wishing her a happy birthday when the time comes. That's months away. I need time to get over the infatuation or whatever first.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Some very good conversation going on in the last few posts. Good points, and good thoughts. Great idea about the birthday. She's missing out on a decent guy it sounds.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Darren said:


> I appreciate the suggestion. She had an unwelcome relationship with a man that would not take no for an answer. He wore her down over a long period. After two years she called it off. My offer of friendship may be viewed in the same manner. It's the "What's he up to?" question that would occur to her.
> 
> I had thought of wishing her a happy birthday when the time comes. That's months away. I need time to get over the infatuation or whatever first.


My advice is to let it be for awhile. Let the embers die down. Give her space and for her birthday, send a friendly card.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

Paumon said:


> Darren, I really like the way you are being honest and non-judgemental and not casting blame about the lady, not trying to make her look bad or as if she has a mental illness. Nothing you have said about her makes her sound like she's unstable or has any problem like a mental illness, she just has some beliefs that are fundamentally important to her but are different from your own.
> 
> It sounds to me like you BOTH dodged bullets before there was a chance for resentments and hard feelings to arise between you both. As far as deal-breakers are concerned I think the experience has given you a much better idea of important things to find out about a person next time before getting deeply involved with them or making committments.


I agree. Classy, Darren. That's the word that sprang to mind when I read your post from this morning.

Who knows what the future can bring? Sometimes things are never over -- just postponed until the timing is better.

As for the AGW issue, I suspect with some sanguine, respectful discussion between you, you could readily come to the conclusion that you are both right in certain respects. And as time goes on, it will become clear which of you is more right than the other (bonus points for guessing who my money is on). 

Best to you whatever direction your future takes you.


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