# I miss being told what to do :)



## LittleRedHen (Apr 26, 2006)

I guess its probably pretty normal that I struggle with making decisions on my own. For 16 years out of the last 18 years I always had someone telling me what I could and could not do. For the decisions I did make I still used him as my sounding board. My homesteading at times would be expensive and he would keep me in line. AKA too many chicks or cutting down my feed bill etc. But my gardening and orchard trees were at least something that made him proud of me. Probably the only thing he ever told me he was proud of me for. He rarely ever gave me a compliment ever, let alone for anything else. 

I am struggling right now. I miss being told what to do.. THere was comfort in being told what to do. Its been 18 months since he died. Will I eventually get used to not being told what to do? or do I need to like, post pictures and my ideas on this forum and have ya'll tell me what to do? lol


----------



## Bearfootfarm (Jul 13, 2006)

LittleRedHen said:


> Will I eventually get used to not being told what to do?


Yes, one day.


----------



## M5farm (Jan 14, 2014)

I cant imagine the struggle your going thru. FWIW make the decisions and take pride in the fact your trying to be successful. even people that are told what to do make mistakes.


----------



## Nsoitgoes (Jan 31, 2016)

I understand where you are coming from. There is a comfort in allowing someone else to take the reins and make the big decisions. But you are carrying on. You are strong enough to think things through logically, to make decisions to move your life forward to suit your own goals. It might help you to write your goals down, with the logical steps you will need to take in order to achieve them.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I don't know but what it might be good to just bury yourself in work and goals. Doing that might cause you not to think about being by yourself, and think about getting the things you started done.
IF you do do that, and you get through that part of your goals, you can stop, look back, and either say, man I aint NEVER gonna do that again, OR, HEY, I can do this. Good luck.


----------



## RichNC (Aug 22, 2014)

I miss my dear wife so much, she was my partner and sounding board. It gets better but I still miss her.


----------



## hunter63 (Jan 4, 2005)

I still talk to MF, MM and all those that went before...as they are a part of you,.. and your life.
You just need to realize it....They still provide guidance....

"What would Dad do....?", 
"Mom always says......? 
"What a Dumas...I should get kicked for that one......
ETC
Those lmay ittle little tidbits that you can almost hear that say.....
They are still there, just need to listen.......

Be Careful of who listens in....people think you are a bit off....
Then again ...Who cares what they think....


----------



## Terri (May 10, 2002)

When I left home at 18 it was VERY stressful. My folks were the sort who preferred to make the decisions, and so I had not had much practice yet.

Yes, it does get easier, though since you are making the decisions for yourself AND your kids I can certainly see why you are under a lot of stress right now: You are basically jumping in with both feet!


----------



## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

There are ALWAYS people willing to tell you what to do. However, the person who bears the end responsibility for what you do is YOU.

Therefore, what *I* would tell you to do (LOL!) is to do what YOU think best, after thought, after study, with the best information *YOU* have available, make your decision. And if something you thought was good goes south, you can always say, "With the information I had available at the time, it seemed like a good (or bad) idea." And go on. The only way you do NOT make mistakes is to die. Celebrate your wins, minimize your losses...EVERYTHING is a learning experience.

Mon


----------



## Clem (Apr 12, 2016)

Takes a while. My wife died after months of suffering, We talked a lot, she just ask me to take care of her little rat terrier, and move on with my life.

I did both. Met women, messed around. It never was the same. Finally found what I thought was "the one" and then she got sick, and the pain changed her. A lot.

Now, back on my own. I still missed the wife that died. She was pretty docile, but she had parameters, too. Some things she was in charge of, some things I was in charge of. I didn't intrude on her domain, and she went along with whatever I came up with in my domain.

Life was almost heaven, but I just didn't know it. It all ended 7 years ago. I went from a good life, to a life trying to take care of a dying woman, to a life alone, a life looking for another woman, and on and on. You'll be able to function, but it'll never be the same. I think that the best thing would be to make a list of one's own qualities and strengths. You'll find that you really can handle everything, just not as easily and handily as you did before. No matter what, life will go on, and you have to adjust.


----------



## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

pretty well the same with me Clem. I had a life of heaven and didn't really realize it until he was gone. it's been 16 years in a few days and it's never been the same. ~Georgia


----------



## ridgerunner1965 (Apr 13, 2013)

in any relationship one person will be smarter or tad more experienced than the other.thus being able to make better decisions about things they know about.

for instance if you mate routinely makes a mess of your finances,then perhaps they shud not be making decisions related to money.

if your mate make bad decisions about how to cook certain food item, well then they shud not be allowed to do that any more.

it takes two smart people to realize each other shortcomings


----------



## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

You used to self censer , think things through then toss them to him for a final review. 
Now you have to do that yourself. 
Step back and play devils advocate with yourself. 

Don’t let it get you down you can do it.


----------



## anniew (Dec 12, 2002)

If you don't make any decisions, then you will stagnate and never move on...


----------



## LittleRedHen (Apr 26, 2006)

Thank you everyone  I am working on writing down some of my goals for 2018  It even includes some man jobs. I can do this... One ... Day... Step... at a time..


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

As McCloud usta say, Thar ya go.


----------



## acabin42 (May 11, 2002)

One if the hardest things to do is move on when you have lost a loved one. It's been almost 3 years for me. I always had a hard time making decisions and when he was no longer there to "help" me make them i was a real mess for awhile. Since then I found if I pray about it and meditate on it The Lord will show me what I need to do. I am better at making decisions now ......getting practice.❤ May God Bless you and guide you


----------



## emdeengee (Apr 20, 2010)

You probably made a lot more decisions than you thought you did but would look to him for confirmation that you were doing the right thing. Lots of people do this. As for missing being told what to do. Life is much easier when you are on auto-pilot or depending on a co-pilot but not always happier. Certainly can play havoc with your self confidence. I don't know what your relationship was like but I have friends who have found it easiest, safest and most productive to just not argue with their partner. Not that they are not finding ways to get things done their way.

I would suggest that you make a planning board. Take the 5 or 6 days a week and divide into morning, afternoon, and evening. Always keep a day for you - other than feeding animals of course. Think about what you have to do and want to do and set times to do these things. You will probably find that a routine will establish itself for many things and then you won't have to even think about those things.

Don't be afraid of making decisions. Everyone messes up but we learn from the mistakes as well as the successes. It isn't about always making the right decision but about making the decision right. Nothing wrong with switching directions in mid decision or after you have found out that whatever it was did not work. When I really can't decide I make a pro and con list. If still stuck I flip a coin. Some of my mistakes have turned into family history that is always brought up and certainly caused a lot of laughter and eye rolling.


----------



## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

LittleRedHen said:


> Thank you everyone  I am working on writing down some of my goals for 2018  It even includes some man jobs. I can do this... One ... Day... Step... at a time..


Just a hint...never underestimate the power of duct tape and bungee cords!

Mon


----------



## Oregon1986 (Apr 25, 2017)

I can tell you what to do if you want,lol. I know what you mean,after my daughter's father left I had no idea what to do because he controlled everything. For the 3 years I was single after him and before current SO,I grew to be independent and strong. Luckily now I have a SO who is big on everything being equal and we work together


----------



## Terri (May 10, 2002)

When it is something important, I like to make a decision and then sleep on it. If it still sounds like a good idea the next day then I go for it.

For me, this works. Your Mileage May Vary. (YMMV)


----------



## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Even though we have what works for us, GF handles her household bills and I handle mine.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Terri, I find the same thing. The longer I wait to do something, the better it turns out for me.
Ive had these doors for 2yrs now with no use for them other than the 2 I used to replace the sliding door. Ive wanted to have a cold frame for many years, but didn't have the material to build them. Ive got LOTS of lumber now, but didn't want to be cutting it up so as to keep it for framing buildings. Just last week, I thought of these doors, and cut up all but 3 today, and ill likely get to them tomorrow. Ill be making 3 cold frames.
Ive had my bailer down for around 10yrs. Wont tie. Ive looked for a mechanic to tell me whats wrong with it. Before you say a good mechanic could figure it out, and I wont altogether disagree with you, Keep this in mind. A old chain broke and crashed the knotters. I retimed and replaced the knotters and it cycles perfect. That's no mean feat.
ANYWAY, I finally found a guy who says he can fix it, IF hes still alive and kicking when it gets warm. I needed some hay to put through it to make sure it would tie bales. I didn't want to tear up one of my round bales, which would be hard to do to begin with. 
Ive got around 6 acres of dried golden grass. I took my horse mower and hitched to my H Farmall and mowed an acre of it. I was too lazy to attach my simi mount IHC mower just to mow an acre. THEN I hitched my McD horse rake and raked it all next to the driveway, then took the hay rack and pitched it on it, and un pitched it at the bailer. Straw didn't cost me nothing, AND, ill surely have a use for the bales sooner or later.
The oldtimers usta have a saying. (IF its a quick decision ya want, the answer is no)


----------



## emdeengee (Apr 20, 2010)

hunter63 said:


> I still talk to MF, MM and all those that went before...as they are a part of you,.. and your life.
> You just need to realize it....They still provide guidance....
> 
> "What would Dad do....?",
> ...



I always ask myself What would Mom do? What would Dad do? and now What would Hubby do? Of course with I reject about 30% of what he would do just out of principle. And of course all the old sayings that used to drive me crazy have turned out to be the things I think about and follow.

This is part of a poem I wrote when Mom died. Should have told her more often.


Back then I knew it all

Thought I could run before I could crawl

All her rules I would arrogantly defy

Then wide-eyed right to her face I would lie


But she had x-ray vision

And never swerved from a head on collision

Would just stand there with her back to the wall and her hands on her hips

And that special, special smile on her lips

The one tinged with sorrow and regret

That would make me start to sweat


So now when I spout the same well-worn lines and occasional platitude

The ones she used in a manner so shrewd

To educated and control her unruly brood

I am filled with respect and undying gratitude


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

(I miss being told what to do) Join the Army. They got a cure for that LOL


----------



## LittleRedHen (Apr 26, 2006)

Oregon1986 , I have a man in my life though he currently lives 5 hours away.. It wont be until 2022 that we can be together. HOWEVER he is a city boy so I don't think he will be able to help me much on homesteading anyways lol. He is willing to learn but he is an Accountant ... but he certainly cant tell me what to do. Nor does his personality encourage that. He wants to be a partner not a leader. But yes, its hard.. My late husband was a narcissist who made me walk on eggshells 24/7. Rarely did I ever do anything right and he either let me know or i'd also get silent treatment sometimes for days. He was very controlling on what i could and couldnt do. One of the first things I did after he died was take my chainsaw out in the backyard and started cutting down trees that he told me I could never cut lol!!


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

AND YOU MISS HAVING A PERSON LIKE YOUR HUBBY IN YOUR LIFE??? U need help lol


----------



## Clem (Apr 12, 2016)

That's not true, Bill. Some things just work for some people, but not for others. I understand that perfectly. Look at my life, what I like to do. and then the same for your life. I wouldn't care to do your stuff, you wouldn't care to do mine. But, our own ways is what we've settled in. As she settled in hers.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I guess. Whatever turns ya side ways lol


----------



## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Submissive and Dominate are not the same thing as masochist and sadist or victim and user. 
But they do tend to get confused and with the wrong match.


----------



## happy hermits (Jan 2, 2018)

Just remember if you think you make a bad decision learn from it. You are going to get more and more confidence. Someday you will make a decision without even fretting about it. If you fall down get back up.That being said I am so sorry for your loss. I can tell you are going to be ok you seem to have a good head on your shoulders.


----------



## LittleRedHen (Apr 26, 2006)

FarmboyBill said:


> AND YOU MISS HAVING A PERSON LIKE YOUR HUBBY IN YOUR LIFE??? U need help lol


LLOOOOOOOOOOL!! no... not exactly


----------



## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

far be it from me to speak for LRH but since I have walked in her shoes and worse my take on it is the last thing she wants is to have him back . it's just that she has walked on egg shells and been put down for so long and made to feel she can do nothing right it's going to take a little while for her to pull out of it. I've no doubt she'll be fine though! JMO ~Georgia


----------



## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Never understood putting down women. Two aunts were never allowed to drive. My father said "Don't let them get hurt, but let them do anything they are big enough to do"---that attitude toward women, protective but encouraging, always seemed OK by me. Some women find it irksome---some don't.


----------



## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Oxankle said:


> Never understood putting down women. Two aunts were never allowed to drive. My father said "Don't let them get hurt, but let them do anything they are big enough to do"---that attitude toward women, protective but encouraging, always seemed OK by me. Some women find it irksome---some don't.


The irksome bit comes with how some people define "hurt". My husband and I had a disagreement when we were first married because I LIKED to do gardening and outside work, and he was afraid it would somehow "hurt" me if I picked up a shovel.

It took him some years to get over feeling guilty after I planted a row of vegetables because I did the work myself! It was against how he was raised: he was really afraid I would come to harm!


----------



## Nsoitgoes (Jan 31, 2016)

Oxankle said:


> Never understood putting down women. Two aunts were never allowed to drive. My father said "Don't let them get hurt, but let them do anything they are big enough to do"---that attitude toward women, protective but encouraging, always seemed OK by me. Some women find it irksome---some don't.


"LET them do anything". Yes, I find that extremely irksome and patronizing. I see no reason why anyone should consider it his ?business, ?duty, ?responibility to control the actions of a grown woman.


----------



## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Nsoitgoes said:


> "LET them do anything". Yes, I find that extremely irksome and patronizing. I see no reason why anyone should consider it his ?business, ?duty, ?responibility to control the actions of a grown woman.


True enough, because we have brains. I am no more likely to hit my thumb with a hammer than a male is.

But I am old enough remember when everybody and their mother would worry about girls getting hurt by running or whatever. It was a cultural phenomena that I do not miss. Still, back when I was a girl most people SERIOUSLY worried we were going to somehow come to harm. And that kind of anxiety is hard for people to put down.


----------



## LittleRedHen (Apr 26, 2006)

newfieannie said:


> far be it from me to speak for LRH but since I have walked in her shoes and worse my take on it is the last thing she wants is to have him back . it's just that she has walked on egg shells and been put down for so long and made to feel she can do nothing right it's going to take a little while for her to pull out of it. I've no doubt she'll be fine though! JMO ~Georgia


Yes! it takes a long time to trust my own ability to make decisions. Therefore I don't make a lot of them yet. I have made a few relatively decent bigger decisions and they have turned out okay. LIke I sold our vehicles and got a different one that had no memory of him  One of the first thing I did in his death was get out a chainsaw and cut down trees he told me I never could cut. I painted my interior walls dark bold colors because he never let me. SOmetimes I battle the idea of moving to a new home vs staying here... and its like- one of the BIGGEST decisions ever! and I don't have anyone to bounce those kinds of ideas with anymore. I like to look at short terma nd long term... and its so hard 

Or someone to hold me back when i buy something I REALLY shouldnt lol.. no one to tell me i cannot go buy a tractor .. or why i shouldnt. I spend a lot more money and i regret it when i have to pay the bills lol. I guess after so many years of always being highly controlled it just takes time to adjust to the freedom. Not that his control was great- but at least I had a bigger bank account  And like right now i need to make a new garden and i don't know how to do it. He would have told me how to do it. Its little things. I don't miss him but he at least had some great insight on things sometimes. He would have known how to help me build some irrigation for that new garden area. He knew how to build me chicken tractors and other things. I don't at all. I would like to try doing these things for myself but I wish he was here to at least tell me what to do.. how to do it... then he can go back to being dead once i know how to do it ...


----------



## coolrunnin (Aug 28, 2010)

LittleRedHen said:


> Yes! it takes a long time to trust my own ability to make decisions. Therefore I don't make a lot of them yet. I have made a few relatively decent bigger decisions and they have turned out okay. LIke I sold our vehicles and got a different one that had no memory of him  One of the first thing I did in his death was get out a chainsaw and cut down trees he told me I never could cut. I painted my interior walls dark bold colors because he never let me. SOmetimes I battle the idea of moving to a new home vs staying here... and its like- one of the BIGGEST decisions ever! and I don't have anyone to bounce those kinds of ideas with anymore. I like to look at short terma nd long term... and its so hard
> 
> Or someone to hold me back when i buy something I REALLY shouldnt lol.. no one to tell me i cannot go buy a tractor .. or why i shouldnt. I spend a lot more money and i regret it when i have to pay the bills lol. I guess after so many years of always being highly controlled it just takes time to adjust to the freedom. Not that his control was great- but at least I had a bigger bank account  And like right now i need to make a new garden and i don't know how to do it. He would have told me how to do it. Its little things. I don't miss him but he at least had some great insight on things sometimes. He would have known how to help me build some irrigation for that new garden area. He knew how to build me chicken tractors and other things. I don't at all. I would like to try doing these things for myself but I wish he was here to at least tell me what to do.. how to do it... then he can go back to being dead once i know how to do it ...


You tube can be your friend.


----------



## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Honey, they have BOOKS that tell you how to make a garden, and ALL sorts of other things. Learn to lean on yourself.

Mon


----------



## LittleRedHen (Apr 26, 2006)

Yes i started with Youtube.. But its why I came back to HT  I need experts who can interact with me one on one... I really need to figure out how i am going to irrigate 2700 onions! and mulch them.... that is going to be my biggest project i want to conquer this year. I have grown them for 5 years now with a bit of failing. This year i want to mulch and irrigate but i am a bit too far from water source to just hook up a soaker hose.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

WHERE WERE YOU WHEN HE WAS DOING ALL THESE THINGS??????????????????? I always had my X out with me, as I told her I was so much older, and that there would come a time when she would have to do things by herself. Well, that went to hades, but at least, when I talk about doing things, she has some rememberance of how I did them when she was there with me.


----------



## Terri (May 10, 2002)

LittleRedHen said:


> Yes i started with Youtube.. But its why I came back to HT  I need experts who can interact with me one on one... I really need to figure out how i am going to irrigate 2700 onions! and mulch them.... that is going to be my biggest project i want to conquer this year. I have grown them for 5 years now with a bit of failing. This year i want to mulch and irrigate but i am a bit too far from water source to just hook up a soaker hose.


Have you bought the irrigation supplies yet? Because, most places that sell the needed equipment will also tell you what you need. This is a win-win for them, as it is a good way to make a sale.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I don't see how we can help you move your water source closer to your garden. I put MY garden NEXT to my water source. Its city water, for now, another reason why im not planting my 40X200 garden this year. Id have to put in a late garden, which means watering, and I don't want to pay to do that. I think Im going to drill a well near the garden at a known wet spot,


----------



## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Oh, yes. Since you say it is a new garden. Just FYI

I find I have more trouble with insect pests when I turn grassland into garden. This does make sense: insects ere already their and when you kill the grass you are giving he pests a choice between eating your vegetables or starving. So that first year of a garden I battle the bugs: I have much less trouble during year 2.


----------



## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

It doesn't seem that being told what to do and being a sounding board would be similar, but they are. Some of it is in the remembering. A "I don't think we can afford that." might be remembered as " He/she wouldn't let me buy....."

Being alone has its advantages. You can do whatever you want, without needing permission or bouncing the plan off others. But when your plan has flaws, there isn't anyone to question the plan. I've known people that spent most of their life making their own plans and their opinions are generally not challenged. They become inflexible. Pointing out a flawed plan is then seen as an attack on them.
After awhile, the inflexibility strains relationships and friends are lost, creating more isolation and the spiral continues.
Memories of past moment of controlling behavior serve as reasons to avoid new friendships or enter relationships. The most innocuous comment may trigger a memory of a past conflict, so every person you meet gets labeled like that past controlling person, " That's what he/she said/did, so he/she must be just like he/she..." Every attempt at compromise is viewed as an attack against you.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

yep, U got a good point HP. Its all in the articulation, and good reasoning and wisdom.


----------



## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Why 2700 onions? Are you planning on having a vegetable stand? For the record, you'd have to eat 7 1/3 onions EVERY day for a year to use them up...of course, not accounting for growing losses.

Mon


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Ya do know mammy, Some folks DO have mkt gardens.
Hey Hen, don't ruffle yer fethers. Check out U Tubes onion planter. Johnnys Seeds sell them. Have your onions in the ground in 10 mins once started.


----------



## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Yes they do Bill, and some lose their shirts by going too hot and heavy all at once, especially when they're not sure what they're doing. Heck, I've done it in the past. Moderation is a GOOD thing.

And just asking because that's a heck of a lot of onions!

Mon


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I don't know why 1/2 my posts don't get onboard.
Hen I can help you out. Johnnys Seeds sells a paper pot transplanter that will plant alla your onions in less than 10 mins.
Mammy Cant argue with your last. Been there 2. Doubt if a couple thousand onions is gonna break somebody tho.


----------



## LittleRedHen (Apr 26, 2006)

FarmboyBill said:


> I don't see how we can help you move your water source closer to your garden. I put MY garden NEXT to my water source. Its city water, for now, another reason why im not planting my 40X200 garden this year. Id have to put in a late garden, which means watering, and I don't want to pay to do that. I think Im going to drill a well near the garden at a known wet spot,


 i already have gardens there  i am not a small time gardener  originally we owned 2.25 acres (with house, long driveway etc) it is not flat land and we have trees in some areas. It is sand... worse than yellow sand- its almost a beach sand. When we bought our property my lawn was beach grass  For the first 10 years of gardening I brought in organic materials in various forms... ran animals here and there and dug out some black dirt out of a pile in the woods where the county dumped the "ditches" about 20 years ago according to the cassette tapes i would find buried in the rich worm castings. Then i started adding orchard trees in among my garden areas... I don't have a solid garden, I have patches here and there based on trees and shape of the land. Speed ahead to 2016 we bought 5 some acres that surrounded our original property.. For 2016 i ran my family milk cow on this area that is 1/2 acre or so. She killed off the beach grass roots of the area and left some fertilizer. 2017 I attempted to garden it. I did so so by bringing in some rabbit manure, wood chips and such. Cherry tomatoes did okay but the bigger ones had the blossom end rot. NOt terrible considering the ground they were in. Squash had a lot of squash bugs and stink bugs... Corn did okay but the cow got out once and ate it lol. Corn was in their old shelter area so it had heavy manure. I made strips of garden area over that spot. They are 4 foot wide by 75-100 feet long. i think i have 5-8 of them.. There is space in between. 

Between that garden and my pond is about 50 feet of woods. It is my intention to take down the trees and open up the area between the pond and the garden fully. It will mean some more early morning sunshine too. So literally the garden is right there by the pond. My house though is about 400 or so feet away. I could always make another spigot out to that garden but the distance would mean low pressure that couldn't run a sprinkler on anyways nor is it the right shape for one. I could fill 55 gallon barrels with it. BUT ... I dont know if that is what i want to do.k the pond water has so much more nutrients to it than my treated water softened water..

As for what is closer to my house- I have over 1/2 acre of gardens that are being taken over by my 80ish fruit trees.. On all three sides of my house  I have a great garden just south of my house (no fruit trees) that is 75 feet by 40 feet but that is only enough room for my 2700 onions


----------



## LittleRedHen (Apr 26, 2006)

frogmammy said:


> Why 2700 onions? Are you planning on having a vegetable stand? For the record, you'd have to eat 7 1/3 onions EVERY day for a year to use them up...of course, not accounting for growing losses.
> 
> Mon


I have 8 children who live at home. Add in my oldest child who is married who wants to steal from my garden to feed her husband and my grandbaby  We can a lot of homemade salsa, spaghetti sauce, chili etc.. onions go into everything around here.. I dehydrate them for later, i dice them and freeze them for dishes later.. We love onions here


----------



## LittleRedHen (Apr 26, 2006)

It is a common misconception that a family of my size would be fed by food stamps/welfare. I don't have that luxury. THe more I grow at home the more I save money at the grocery store so that money can be spent elsewhere... So everything i grow is money earned for me


----------



## Clem (Apr 12, 2016)

I grow a whole lot of onions, too. I have a few that are still good, but 6 months is about their shelf lifespan. I can a lot(pressure canning, and pickling) for use in cooking.


----------



## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

8 kids....my daughter had 7. You might need more onions!

Mon


----------



## Redlands Okie (Nov 28, 2017)

LittleRedHen it sounds like with 8 kids perhaps you should have spent more time out in the garden 
Joking aside just keep in mind having a plan or plans is always good. Be willing to modify the plan as you go along and the situtation changes or more information becomes aviable. Also keep in mind that few decisions are perfect. Their the best decision you could make with the info you had. Live and learn and go on down the path. 
Those that are used to telling others what to do also make mistakes, sometimes its noticed and sometimes not. When your the one who is responsible for the decisions it is always noticeable  It’s real easy to second guess things after the fact because you know more about the problems than you did to start. So just do what you think is best and learn as you go.


----------



## melli (May 7, 2016)

LittleRedHen said:


> I have 8 children who live at home. Add in my oldest child who is married who wants to steal from my garden to feed her husband and my grandbaby  We can a lot of homemade salsa, spaghetti sauce, chili etc.. onions go into everything around here.. I dehydrate them for later, i dice them and freeze them for dishes later.. We love onions here


As I read your thread, I was thinking, wow, you had a control freak for a husband. And I was concerned about you feeling adrift because you lost that domineering husband. In a relationship such as that, one forgets or never learns how to forge on their own. Then, you mentioned you have a brood of 8! Ok, right there, you are one strong woman and are capable of anything if you are raising 8. You probably have abilities few of us possess. I used to babysit a brood of 5, and thought, geesh, how in the world does momma cope. It takes a lot of fortitude to handle that many kin. Use that skill to carry on. You are no worse off than most of us, in terms of forging ahead, or taking on something new. Sure, you may fail at some things, but I think you'll do fine. God knows, you have the strength to do it. 
BTW - I am the complete opposite...I chaffed at being told what to do, especially in youth. It has taken decades for me to acquire some discipline, maintain some focus and handle adversity. I suspect you have all those things in spades. The only difference might be your indecisiveness at taking a step in a new direction. Clearing out some trees for more light sounds like a great idea. Your not jumping off a bridge here. It sounds like your making the right decisions, which is more than I could say for myself...lol

I've met a few Moms with a large brood, and I've always been impressed with their ability to prioritize what is important. I even got a word of advice from such a mom...when the going gets tough, as it may be for you right now, step back and look at what really needs doing. Push all the other distractions out of your head, and focus on the important tasks. Eventually, you'll be able to take on something new without feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders. One step at a time.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Heres a tip. Put at least a couple calcium tablets at the bottom of each tomato hole to end bottom end rot.
U say if you installed a faucet at a garden the pressure would be low. Well, as I understand it, running water tapes down the rows, they take a pressure reducer anyways, so, in doing that, low pressure to begin with might not be a problem.
Did you see about that transplanter that Johnnys sells?


----------



## rickfrosty (Jun 19, 2008)

LittleRedHen said:


> I guess its probably pretty normal that I struggle with making decisions on my own. For 16 years out of the last 18 years I always had someone telling me what I could and could not do. For the decisions I did make I still used him as my sounding board. My homesteading at times would be expensive and he would keep me in line. AKA too many chicks or cutting down my feed bill etc. But my gardening and orchard trees were at least something that made him proud of me. Probably the only thing he ever told me he was proud of me for. He rarely ever gave me a compliment ever, let alone for anything else.
> 
> I am struggling right now. I miss being told what to do.. THere was comfort in being told what to do. Its been 18 months since he died. Will I eventually get used to not being told what to do? or do I need to like, post pictures and my ideas on this forum and have ya'll tell me what to do? lol


Haha, I think you are a rare girl !? How hard would it be for you to move to me in ME ??


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

U in for 7 kids Rickie??? lol


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Hen, again I ask, Have you seen the transplanter from Johnnys.???????????????????????


----------



## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

it's 9 kids Bill! including the one that's married. and forget it Rick she has a SO. albeit he wont be out until 22 I think she's going to wait. don't you guys read the posts? . he was her childhood sweetheart. ~Georgia


----------



## Kiamichi Kid (Apr 9, 2009)

newfieannie said:


> it's 9 kids Bill! including the one that's married. and forget it Rick she has a SO. albeit he wont be out until 22 I think she's going to wait. don't you guys read the posts? . he was her childhood sweetheart. ~Georgia


I do pay rather close attention to such details...


----------



## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

I haven't read this whole thread so forgive me if I suggest something that has already been suggested. Can you set up a barrel or tank on a stand and gravity feed water to your onions. I have no idea how long a row of 2700 onions would be. Do you have a way to collect rain water in a 55 gal barrel or one of those big square pastic totes? Then you could run soaker hoses off of it down your rows.


----------



## LittleRedHen (Apr 26, 2006)

rickfrosty said:


> Haha, I think you are a rare girl !? How hard would it be for you to move to me in ME ??


LOL!!  I am indeed a bit unique  I call my farm Eccentric Acres because I am just an odd ball out. I don't really know anyone quite like me. My girl friends want diamonds or jewelry but meanwhile I'd be the happiest woman with a new fruit tree to plant  I don't want designer clothes- i want soaker hoses and t-posts!!


----------



## LittleRedHen (Apr 26, 2006)

FarmboyBill said:


> Hen, again I ask, Have you seen the transplanter from Johnnys.???????????????????????


So far I pay my kids with Boxes of Little Debbie Snacks and Doritoes... But I am going to look into it for when I can no longer bribe my kids to do my dirty work!


----------



## LittleRedHen (Apr 26, 2006)

newfieannie said:


> it's 9 kids Bill! including the one that's married. and forget it Rick she has a SO. albeit he wont be out until 22 I think she's going to wait. don't you guys read the posts? . he was her childhood sweetheart. ~Georgia


I cant blame the guy for trying/hoping! LOL


----------



## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

Only thing I missed as someone to deal with broken cars. In fact I waited till kids and hubby was in bed or hubby overseas before I worked on stuff. Way less interfering.


----------



## LittleRedHen (Apr 26, 2006)

I love gardening- its my therapy and i get tomatoes. I bribe kids to help me with planting but I do the gardening by myself. I enjoy it. I love a nice sweat going under the sunshine... I am usually barefoot too ! Well, Last year not as much because I added honeybees and I find that honeybees don't mind walking around on grass at times. I didn't really want a partner to help me weed as much as I want peace and quiet ! lol hence, my kids rarely bother me when i am in the garden because they fear being put to work lol! 

I have about a month until Michigan thaws and i can start working on the expansion garden. When i get to that point where I can see the ground again I will post some pics and ask for help for how i might irrigate it most efficiently


----------



## PlayingInDirt (Aug 2, 2017)

LittleRedHen said:


> I guess its probably pretty normal that I struggle with making decisions on my own. For 16 years out of the last 18 years I always had someone telling me what I could and could not do. For the decisions I did make I still used him as my sounding board. My homesteading at times would be expensive and he would keep me in line. AKA too many chicks or cutting down my feed bill etc. But my gardening and orchard trees were at least something that made him proud of me. Probably the only thing he ever told me he was proud of me for. He rarely ever gave me a compliment ever, let alone for anything else.
> 
> I am struggling right now. I miss being told what to do.. THere was comfort in being told what to do. Its been 18 months since he died. Will I eventually get used to not being told what to do? or do I need to like, post pictures and my ideas on this forum and have ya'll tell me what to do? lol


I would imagine that would be very difficult. I'm used to being the worker bee outside, he tells me where to dig and I dig it. When I have ideas he usually plans it out and I help implement. 

I'd be lost without him, honestly.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I can understand you being barefoot LOL lol


----------



## LittleRedHen (Apr 26, 2006)

found some of my old photos on photobucket to show you kinda what i am working with for my land. The first pic is my "best" natural ground I have.. this is not the sand i fixed up for gardening. But its probably close to what I will deal with in my expanded garden for a few years.



and this is my property.. The pond is Spring fed from the spring that is not on my property. HOwever in aroundSept a great deal of the pond is grass.. sometimes a month, sometimes a week. It depends on the fall rains. I'd like to dredge it and take the muck and put it on the open area to the west/left. That would make an awesome garden but it requires heavy equipment and money. So it might be a few years before i can do it. Where I have the red x, that area I cleared the trees on last year so it is more open. The google map is like 2012. THe area between the open area and the pond with the blue and red squigglies is where I would like to clear the trees in 2018. However a lot of them are tall poplar/cottonwoods. AKA too big of trees for me to cut. I tried to give it away last year to whoever wanted to do the work and they could keep the wood (there is some maple and ash in there too) but all I attracted with stray toms who would do the work for a little something something.. So this year I am going to buy some equipment to do it properly and safely with my son in law... of whom i can feed food and he is happy. He is a little bit of a dunce but with the equipment i think we can handle it safely. 

Now you get an idea of my lay outs and why I pick where I pick. Its hard to see my fruit trees on this map as so many were very young there. But they are the dots around garden area. I have about 80 fruit trees that range from being planted in 2011 until 2017... I also have strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, raspberries and hmm sadly no bacon trees...


----------



## LittleRedHen (Apr 26, 2006)

If i wasn't clear, the open area in the bottom left corner is where I am putting my gardens now... and have to build it up. .and yes bill, still gunna be barefoot when i can help it! It shouldn't result in me becoming pregnant either lol!


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I love gardening also. I love homesteading. I love farming. In other earlier posts, several men/people couldn't understand why, at my age I didn't think about selling my tractors/machinery, and enjoy life, setting on a bank fishing, doing whatever. There toning down, while Im trying to push out, to do more, to accomplish more, to get more done, to see more results. To revel in the sense of accomplishment.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I don't see no pond.


----------



## LittleRedHen (Apr 26, 2006)

The pond i outlined (bottom right)... It used to be a better pond til the farmer to the east had a man install a drain on his side of the line. Now in the late fall 70% of the pond can turn to a pasture. Last year It ALMOST did and then we had a big rain which left it just a grassy water mess but i never could have done anything with it. Couldn't kayak and couldn't put an animal on it. The far east pocket is always water. The pond is about an acre in size. The deep spot is maybe 75x50 feet. When the farmer had it drained it was dug down about 10 feet so even on the driest day it is still about 5 feet deep. I'd like to do that with all of the pond some day..


----------



## Oregon1986 (Apr 25, 2017)

LittleRedHen said:


> LOL!!  I am indeed a bit unique  I call my farm Eccentric Acres because I am just an odd ball out. I don't really know anyone quite like me. My girl friends want diamonds or jewelry but meanwhile I'd be the happiest woman with a new fruit tree to plant  I don't want designer clothes- i want soaker hoses and t-posts!!


Lol I always say forget the diamonds,I want guns


----------



## Kiamichi Kid (Apr 9, 2009)

Oregon1986 said:


> Lol I always say forget the diamonds,I want guns


Why would anyone want guns.... those things are so evil.


----------



## Oregon1986 (Apr 25, 2017)

Kiamichi Kid said:


> Why would anyone want guns.... those things are so evil.
> View attachment 64741


Lol yes pure evil


----------



## Clem (Apr 12, 2016)

Only the ones measured in millimeters are evil. Those measured in gauge, or the standard inches that God uses(.22, .38, etc) are good for all mankind. 

And anything followed by "magnum" is a license to get to heaven without messing with going to church.

Clem "no millimeters here" Magnum


----------



## Kiamichi Kid (Apr 9, 2009)

Clem said:


> Only the ones measured in millimeters are evil. Those measured in gauge, or the standard inches that God uses(.22, .38, etc) are good for all mankind.
> 
> And anything followed by "magnum" is a license to get to heaven without messing with going to church.
> 
> Clem "no millimeters here" Magnum


Hahahahahaah!!!


----------



## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

https://paperpot.co/
this will get your onions planted in an hour or two.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

yup, I been saying that. Theres U Tube vids of it in use. I will get one someday next year. lol


----------



## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Hey Little Red....when DH died, I paid to have a tree planted in his name at the VA cemetery. After it was planted, the fellow who headed the program asked if I was planning on going to Florida for a few months. HUH?

He then explained that they would do NOTHING with, or for, the tree and that most women buried their husband and went to Florida (probably other places, too) for a few months, would come back after 3-4 months and find the tree they'd had planted for their DH had died.

So, I needed to keep his tree alive and water it every three days. Oh joy. 

No water available anywhere NEAR where his tree was planted, so....put 8 five gallon buckets in the back of the SUV, and two hoses. Drove to the cemetery, found a water spigot and filled my buckets (while they were in the Tahoe), then made my way around to where his tree was, parked in the street, ran the hose where I wanted it, then used a short hose to get the water started, used a snap-connect to attach it to the long hose, and there we were! The SUV was tall enough I got good pressure 25 foot away at the tree, and when one bucket was almost empty was easy to just stick the hose in another bucket with no loss of suction.

Thinking maybe you could do the same, only use a 50 gallon barrel...or several. In the bed of a truck or SOMETHING high. Install a spigot real near the bottom of each barrel, on opposite sides (except for one barrel that has only one spigot). Connect a short hose between barrel A and B, B and C, C and D...until all barrels (except one!) have one hose for incoming water from the barrel behind it, with the other hose to feed water to the barrel in front of it.

Then hopefully you could just drive to where you need water, lay a soaker hose and connect your front barrel, turn on all the OTHER barrels...then go off and attend to other work until they're all empty. Rinse and repeat. Should be good for 50 foot at a time, I'd think. Size of containers and elevation will increase water pressure.

Good grief! Feel like I'm channeling FBB!

Mon


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Haypoint, I just checked it out, and I WONT be getting one. It, and the makins to make the paper trails is $3Gs. I magine, at that price, Hens flew the coop also LOL.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Mammy, Ya could do worse, Mebby lol


----------



## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Redlands Okie said:


> LittleRedHen it sounds like with 8 kids perhaps you should have spent more time out in the garden
> .


LOL you gotta be kidding!
Aint nothing sexier than a sweaty barefoot gal in the garden................


----------



## LittleRedHen (Apr 26, 2006)

AmericanStand said:


> LOL you gotta be kidding!
> Aint nothing sexier than a sweaty barefoot gal in the garden................


LOL!!


----------



## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

9 kids kinda proves it!

My GF is a gardener and rescuer of frogs she fell in love with me when I tossed her out of trackhoe into a swamp a lot like your pond.


----------



## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Lordy, Lordy, sure a lot of goings-on about a woman with 9 kids who made a simple comment about her husband making most decisions. Well, I grew up in a house where there were 8 surviving to adulthood of ten born to the parents. I KNOW why most decisions were made by the husband, the rest in consultation between the two. A woman with ten kids to feed while her husband works his tail off to support them is generally happy to leave details to the husband---A woman with so many kids is always at the verge of exhaustion, even with the oldest of the brood helping with the younger. Ever try to get three or four teenagers to work together at home when dad is not there? Ever try to cook three meals a day for ten or twelve people with an infant, four more under ten years old and a houseful of adolescents? And keep a garden? 

Such simple facts of life explain why sometimes one finds two or three wives lying beside one husband in the old cemeteries. 

A woman who raises 9 kids, survives her husband and is still out there working is one tough cookie. Her daughters should make blue ribbon wives.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I always said, It would be neat to be picking beans/peas/ect, in the summer, and look at her, bent over picking, with a somewhat low neckline. Sure make me pick faster to get the job done. LOL.


----------



## Oregon1986 (Apr 25, 2017)

FarmboyBill said:


> I always said, It would be neat to be picking beans/peas/ect, in the summer, and look at her, bent over picking, with a somewhat low neckline. Sure make me pick faster to get the job done. LOL.


Quit thinking with your corn cob, lol


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

er, at my age, that's nubbin to you LOL


----------



## Dutchie (Mar 14, 2003)

LittleRedHen said:


> Thank you everyone  I am working on writing down some of my goals for 2018  It even includes some man jobs. I can do this... One ... Day... Step... at a time..


You'd be amazed at what you are capable of doing. You will fail at some at first, but keep going.


----------



## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

FarmboyBill said:


> I always said, It would be neat to be picking beans/peas/ect, in the summer, and look at her, bent over picking, with a somewhat low neckline. Sure make me pick faster to get the job done. LOL.


 Weird I’d work slower and throw stuff to distract her to make the crow last longer!


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Ya got a point there AS. Id do that NOW. Not when I was young lol.


----------



## ed/La (Feb 26, 2009)

Perhaps you can find someone you can tell what to do. You might like it.


----------

