# Why is it wrong?



## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

There's been quite a bit of discussion about how this is NOT a singles meeting place. Well....what is wrong with single folks hoping to meet someone? It is almost as though some of the members on here are making a virtue of being single. I'm not saying that if you are single and happy that this is a bad thing. I'm just wondering why so many are adamantly defensive about it.

As y'all are aware....this is not a mainstream lifestyle. We are often looked at as being crazy for wanting to do things ourselves and live minimally. We get it from family members, friends and co-workers. Many times I'll get the response of...wow, you can do anything, that's really cool....but I'd never want to do that. 

It is hard enough to date as an adult and then you throw in the homesteading mindset and it is at least 10 times harder to find a mate. Maybe we shouldn't be so hard on those that are seeking self sufficiency in a mate. Many of us are currently single because of non-compatibility with our former spouses. Many of us complain that we felt like we were working against our former spouses....we were like horses in harness facing opposite directions. Wouldn't it be awesome to be facing the same direction?!


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

I want one! Nice man, tall, good looking, teeth. 49-59 over 5'11 or taller.


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## Guest (Jul 1, 2014)

I've only noticed one person who is adamant in their insistence that this is not a singles site. However, you see it a lot, because apparently said person posts it a lot. 

From a realistic point of view, there are a lot of folks who are anxious to take advantage of others of the opposite sex, especially the older you get, and I don't mean take advantage as in sexually. If you got a little land, there's a million people of the opposite sex who would like to have that, or access to it. Also, it seems that those who profess to be of a "homesteading" bent are more likely to trust others who profess to be homesteaders than, say, daytraders, or lawyers. Not much trust there in the "single daytraders" forums, I bet. So, if "homesteading type" people have an opportunity to hook up with others who claim to be "homesteading type" then actually end up in some sort of weird situation where you're paying for somebody else's mortgage by making porn videos...or something. Seriously, it's rarely discussed, but there have been some really, really bad things happen to people who took off to some place way out in the wild with somebody they met on the internet. Even in this forum here. So, as a result, most of the older, more observant members are so paranoid that they would never take a chance. Can't really blame them. 

A lot of them have other problems too, sick parents, working 2 jobs to support family and a failing farm, and so on. Life is pretty tough on a lot of people, and others are just lucky and expect good things to happen to them. Then, nerxt thing they know, there are video cameras in the ceiling and somebody at the grocery story says "hey, aren't you the star of "lonely farmers ain't lonely at night"? "

Some people have just been so beaten by their search for a partner that they've given up. Sad, some of them would have been great partners. Some have become so cynical that they've lost sight of their goal forever.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Tex: No one ever said this was NOT a meeting place. I met some wonderful ladies here when I was alone, but nothing worked out. Many of the people here are confirmed singles, never going to marry again, some the victims of train wrecks who will not ever allow themselves to trust again. Some are not even looking, just here to chat. Several of us are, or were, married and came to chat.


I got my hands on a book written by some egghead psychiatrist. He said that older men should look only at widows---women who had good marriages and lost their partners. Made sense to me. 

I went over to the true dating sites, met a couple of of train wrecks but some really nice people as well. Some of the nicest were just too far away and one of us would have had to rip out our roots to make the change. Those never got much beyond "hello". 

Called one up one morning thinking "She's within driving distance, we can have lunch and I'll be home before dark". Bingo.

Keep looking, but cull, cull, cull.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

I am single and I have only found people here that I have a lot in common. With the exception of flinging poo. I think ST is a great place to find a possible relationship, the down fall is almost everyone here is settled on their own homestead and have roots.


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## billooo2 (Nov 23, 2004)

There is nothing, IMO, wrong with looking for like-minded people. 

Defensiveness probably comes from a variety of things.

A couple of them might be......

1. Marriages via this site do not seem to have a high rate of success.

t2. Some time ago, there was a relatively small group of people that decided this site should ONLY be for hooking-up, and that any other homesteading topics should be posted on other forums. They would try to hijack every thread with sexual innuendos, and sometimes 'sleaze.'

3. The ;motto at the top of the page is 'Neighborly help and friendly advice'


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

I am not looking for marriage, pfftt!! And what's wrong with flirting with someone you have an interest in? OR...Just flirting cause it makes someone feel good. Oh I forgot, shhhhhh the adults are talking. And this is a serious single sight to share how being single can make you grumpy. I do what I want, I take my infractions if thats the case and I make someone smile and PO others, life is good!


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

Fowler said:


> the down fall is almost everyone here is settled on their own homestead and have roots.



Most have roots and the distance don't help either. 


It is what you make it..... Now go make me a sandwich


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Fowler said:


> I am single and I have only found people here that I have a lot in common. With the exception of flinging poo. I think ST is a great place to find a possible relationship, the down fall is almost everyone here is settled on their own homestead and have roots.


That about sizes it up, I think you are right on the mark.


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

Forcast said:


> I want one! Nice man, tall, good looking, teeth. 49-59 over 5'11 or taller.


Let's see. Teeth check! Nice, nope! Good looking, haven't broken a mirror yet, but people have been known to cross the street. Tall, not by that standard.. Might break 5' 9" with boots on. Age range, likewise.

I'm good for 1 out of 5.


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## Guest (Jul 1, 2014)

Another fine feller, felled by one of those dreaded lists!! what if he's the perfect man, but 2" short?

I don't know him, he may be a horrible man, but if so, it sure ain't because he's 5'9". However, he does seem to be a fine feller. Maybe extra teeth could equalize it out?


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

There isn't a thing wrong with singles hoping to meet someone. There have been folks from here that have become a couple. However, there have been many that come and post their singles ad and they have been told that it's not a dating site, but to join in, you never know.

One only has to look through the profile section to see how many think of it as such. Maybe if they were to stick around and join in, it would become more of one. This format gives one a better chance to get to "know" someone rather than those hook up sites.

Fowler brings up probably what is the biggest obstacle-being settled. Many wouldn't consider moving. Makes it kind of hard to consider a relationship when that's in the equation.

I know I'm in the minority that would consider such a thing for the right person for me.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

^^ i would as well^^ but not until Dad, umm well, until dad doesn't need me anymore.


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## Guest (Jul 1, 2014)

Just my own 2 cents..

the key word is "just"...ST is, an online place to mingle through cyberspace, make connections with people , flirt, hang out..whatever...and it's more...it's an online cyberlounge to go after work...before work for coffee..visit with people...say "Hey!" How are you?" and then it's a "how to" place..how to cart bales all by yourself uphill..how to "do" the stuff that's done homesteading all by yourself....

and yes, it CAN be a place to meet romantically...

and then it's a place to post "ARGGGGHGGGGRGGGGGGGGH!!!!!!!"
when you feel like it...

it's not "just" this or that...which is why marrieds like it here as well


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## Twobottom (Sep 29, 2013)

Forcast said:


> I want one! Nice man, tall, good looking, teeth. 49-59 over 5'11 or taller.


^^Pretty much what you'll find on most dating sites which is what makes that kind of thing such a turn off for so many of us.

"Short woman 25lbs overweight with 2 kids from two different men seeks tall, handsome, man with teeth and good paying job....no baggage"

Yeah, no thanks. Kind of glad I'm under 5' 11.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Twobottom said:


> ^^Pretty much what you'll find on most dating sites which is what makes that kind of thing such a turn off for so many of us.
> 
> "Short woman 25lbs overweight with 2 kids from two different men seeks tall, handsome, man with teeth and good paying job....no baggage"
> 
> Yeah, no thanks. Kind of glad I'm under 5' 11.


Prove it!!...LOL


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## viggie (Jul 17, 2009)

I was originally referred here because it was a singles section where I could meet another homesteader. The first post is dating profiles so it was very confusing that people kept saying otherwise. Its my first time around and do keep hoping I can find someone like me, which I believe is a requirement to make a match successful with this lifestyle.

There are definitely those of us here earnestly looking, whether others say we're "supposed" to be or not.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

doingitmyself said:


> ^^ i would as well^^ but not until Dad, umm well, until dad doesn't need me anymore.


I wanted to like this, but it just didn't feel right to "like" the demise of your dad.

It's good to know that there's others that would consider moving.


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

oneraddad said:


> Most have roots and the distance don't help either.
> 
> 
> It is what you make it..... Now go make me a sandwich




Make me one too with a coke, please!


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

I went on some free dating sites and most men seem to be looking for something I am not. Seems first thing they talk about is something kinky, sex talk, I dont get it. Do people walk up to someone on the street and ask about some kind of sex? 

But I think age has a lot to do with it, and if you have a homestead you dont plan on moving after years and years of hard work. Money and time are other reasons. I cant just up and go right now. I cant afford to cover someone elses wants. Nor do I want a poor man, or a sick man. Someone said a lot of users what what you have but dont want to put any money into that want.


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

doingitmyself said:


> That about sizes it up, I think you are right on the mark.


What is ST?


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

Singletree


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## NoClue (Jan 22, 2007)

I've always thought of this as a great place to meet singles, although not a place I've come to meet someone to have a relationship with (although a few of you nice ladies have tempted me). Regardless, there's still great value in meeting, and getting to know other singles of the homesteading mindset. Homesteading as a single presents different challenges that couples and families don't face.

I never saw this as a place to meet someone for a relationship, predominantly because most of you live far away, and I am anchored here, and know myself well enough to know that I'm just not cut out for a long-distance relationship.


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## lonelytree (Feb 28, 2008)

Forcast said:


> I want one! Nice man, tall, good looking, teeth. 49-59 over 5'11 or taller.


 LMAO - 6 foot tall, dang good teeth, 1962 model. Send picture of cabin, boat and snowmachine. Retired USAF so have retirement, VA and healthcare.... etc

I have a boat, snowmachine, etc and no debt besides rent, internet, insurance and elec.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Im willing to move LOL


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Well, I have half a mind to move. . . . . . or is that just half a mind? LOL!


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## hawgsquatch (May 11, 2014)

lonelytree said:


> LMAO - 6 foot tall, dang good teeth, 1962 model. Send picture of cabin, boat and snowmachine. Retired USAF so have retirement, VA and healthcare.... etc
> 
> I have a boat, snowmachine, etc and no debt besides rent, internet, insurance and elec.


If you were a woman I would be all over this.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

TxMex said:


> There's been quite a bit of discussion about how this is NOT a singles meeting place. *Well....what is wrong with single folks hoping to meet someone?* It is almost as though some of the members on here are making a virtue of being single. I'm not saying that if you are single and happy that this is a bad thing. I'm just wondering *why so many are adamantly defensive about it.*


I don't see anything wrong with it, and being "single" is a little freaky for me. 
It's been 25 years since I was "single" and the last time I was single, well, I just didn't make good choices (ha ha).
I never planned for single, so it's about to get weird up in here.

I'd be a liar if I said I did not prefer to be in the company of one who truly loved me and whom I truly loved. 
I'd be a big fat liar if I said I don't want someone by my side, etc and all the mushy crap that goes with that.

I am at the 'suck it up and make the best of it' portion of the program.
Even if it was strictly platonic; it would be nice to meet someone with common interest....I kinda thought here was a place for such encounters.



> As y'all are aware....this is not a mainstream lifestyle. We are often looked at as being crazy for wanting to do things ourselves and live minimally. We get it from family members, friends and co-workers. Many times I'll get the response of...wow, you can do anything, that's really cool....but I'd never want to do that.
> 
> It is hard enough to date as an adult and then you throw in the homesteading mindset and it is at least 10 times harder to find a mate. Maybe we shouldn't be so hard on those that are seeking self sufficiency in a mate. Many of us are currently single because of non-compatibility with our former spouses. Many of us complain that we felt like we were working against our former spouses....we were like horses in harness facing opposite directions. * Wouldn't it be awesome to be facing the same direction?!*


Yes ma'am.....it would be bliss.:bouncy:


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

yeah, and who wants to smell a north going horse fart when your the other horse going south lol


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## notwyse (Feb 16, 2014)

Define single.


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## SunsetSonata (Nov 23, 2006)

If this site was called Solo Homesteading there wouldn't be so much confusion IMO. Since the term Single refers to relationship status no wonder newbies think this site is about dating. Solo puts the focus back on the homesteading lifestyle whether or not anyone is open to dating.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

I know I shouldn't. It's almost a compulsion. I can't seem to help myself.



FarmboyBill said:


> yeah, and who wants to smell a north going horse fart when your the other horse going south lol


Huh?!


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

TxMex said:


> *I know I shouldn't. It's almost a compulsion. I can't seem to help myself.
> 
> 
> 
> **Huh?*!


*You know what that means?*

You're a member of the FBB fan club. You looked. Welcome to the club!


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Noooooooooooooo! LOL!


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## sdnapier (Aug 13, 2010)

lonelytree said:


> LMAO - 6 foot tall, dang good teeth, 1962 model. Send picture of cabin, boat and snowmachine. Retired USAF so have retirement, VA and healthcare.... etc
> 
> I have a boat, snowmachine, etc and no debt besides rent, internet, insurance and elec.


What is all the focus on the teeth? I'm just hoping he can still hear!!!


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## brewswain (Dec 31, 2006)

Twobottom said:


> ^^Pretty much what you'll find on most dating sites which is what makes that kind of thing such a turn off for so many of us.
> 
> "Short woman 25lbs overweight with 2 kids from two different men seeks tall, handsome, man with teeth and good paying job....no baggage"
> 
> Yeah, no thanks. Kind of glad I'm under 5' 11.


I see lots of profiles with a shopping list.
Makes it easier to weed those out


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## notwyse (Feb 16, 2014)

I think him being able to hear was my downfall.


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## brewswain (Dec 31, 2006)

The reason I came to this forum 8 years ago is because it was sold on another website as a good place to look for a date


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

I don't even know how it would work? Aren't most of us spread to the four corners of the US? Does anyone live close to anyone else here??


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## notwyse (Feb 16, 2014)

I think some of us do actually live pretty close. But like the hiking forums I used to frequent there is a peace in folks not seeing your face till you are sure you will like them. We used to joke about who was really an ax murderer....


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## sidepasser (May 10, 2002)

I definitely do not suggest this site as a dating site..if you ever plan to meet someone, it is best to either find someone local, meet face to face, or use another dating medium.

This section of HT is not the best for finding a mate, it is great for meeting other single homesteaders and talking, flirting, and conversing. Every once in while you will see that a couple did meet here and it turned out well.

But the 1000 to 1 longshot is not going to happen often, and often it will not happen to you.

I met my DH on SeniorPeopleMeet. He understands horses and we are fine with that; he would never do homesteading and I am fine with that. It is a compromise that I am willing to do because I have done the homesteading thing..and to tell the truth, it was the hardest 26 years of my life ever. yes it is "romantic" when you are twenty something and able to dig post holes with a pair of post hole diggers, but not so much when you are over 50.

I make no suggestions. I only point out the obvious..if you come here looking to find someone..you may end up disappointed as either he/she will not move, or you will not move..one may have family ties/children, or jobs..etc.

Very, very, very few find someone here. Lesley did, a couple of others did..but that is in over 20 years of being here..

not real good odds if you ask me.

Most flirt, talk, observe, and either go elsewhere or decide they really don't need anyone and stop coming or keep coming but participate less and less.

Just my observation from 1997 till today...I see many who want someone, few who will move, less that will spend the time and effort to meet someone and yes, even heartbreak to those that did.

I suggest that you think of this place as a single homesteader site and not so much a dating site.


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

Hmmm,,uh,,,Hmmm,,,,Well,,,We'll see,,,


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

I'm with you Sidepasser. I've been on my place for as long as I've been with the CS/HT internet group. This is great place for internet friends of like-minded people. Since "homesteading" is about a simple organic life for us right here, RL relationships are locally grown and organic. Doesn't mean I don't love ya'll, it means you don't live here.


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## cloudhidden (Jul 4, 2014)

I have my own roots here, as one poster said, but I am single and would love to meet a like minded man. I live in a small town in eastern Oregon in an old Victorian which is on the national register. I don't have a whole lot of land, but I do have enough to raise bunnies, some forage, and a big fat garden. I have lived on this property for 18 years and used no pesticides or herbicides save a little foaming wasp spray in the spring. 
I'm talented, capable, educated and professional, and fit and cute as hell, just too "different" and too remote to find someone my type easily. Better alone than in a less than satisfactory relationship, but still keeping my eyes open for the ideal partner. 
I'm 48, taoist, no kids, one dog and hilarious and warm and generous. I welcome messages from anyone interested in making a new friend. Would be happy to exchange photos if we seem to hit it off!


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## viggie (Jul 17, 2009)

I'm ok with meeting someone online and dealing with the distance at first. I'm also willing to relocate and relatively mobile, so this would work quite well for me if only there were anyone interested...lol. Never had any better luck locally sooooooo...I guess I'm stuck.


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## Guest (Jul 7, 2014)

The tales of crushing disappointment here on ST are legion unfortunately...more than a few NICE people have been taken in by cads..moved all the way across the country only to be horrified at the situation they found themselves in....
and then there are the much more normal relationships which simply didn't work out..and distance seems to be the culprit..it's just REALLY REALLY hard to get to know someone well enough to form a meaningful relationship when you cannot spend a lot of time with them over months ( or more)..

It took more than 3 YEARS of Articow and I to say "Hey! Let's give this a deeper look!"...and after that it took months of DAILY Skype "dates" that lasted hours and hours...

Can it be done? Obviously, my answer is "yes"...and either like me, you post here for decades and even so...you'd have better odds of winning the lottery...


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

I believe "Love" can be found anywhere in the world. Conveinence would be within a 10 mile radius...LOL

Its hard to find men with common interest in farming or homesteading. Those who are, are already married or not interested in the lifestyle. I have a lot of older widowed male farmers in my area (over 70) that I love to chat with. But even they tell me what I do is hardwork and people just arent interested in that lifestyle anymore.

There are a lot of wise, homesteading men here. And maybe an on looker might just snag one up that lives in their area. This may not be a dating site, however it is a good place to meet men/women with common interests. And who knows when that spark could flare up, there's some pretty awesome sexy men and women here.

Love has no restrictions to where its found. I look forward to finding the man that complements me. I look forward to growing old with that man that steals my heart. But what do I know, I am a hopeful romantic....Until then, I just "Keep on Truckin"

[youtube]eWr8p4I_aMc[/youtube]


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## cloudhidden (Jul 4, 2014)

You said it sister! Being negative gets ya nowhere.


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## billooo2 (Nov 23, 2004)

This may be an alternative for some people........'Singles In Agriculture' I attended a couple of their activities here in Ohio........a very nice group of people....

http://singlesinagriculture.org/


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## Malamute (Sep 15, 2011)

Fowler said:


> I believe "Love" can be found anywhere in the world. Conveinence would be within a 10 mile radius...LOL
> 
> Its hard to find (wo)men with common interest in farming or homesteading...
> 
> *This may not be a dating site, however it is a good place to meet men/women with common interests. And who knows when that spark could flare up, there's some pretty awesome sexy men and women here.*


 ^^^ This.

I don't think dating is really the primary purpose or function of ST, but that doesn't mean its a bad place to look. I just wouldn't come with only that in mind.


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