# Lonely today



## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

It doesn't happen often, thankfully, but when it does it hits me deep in the gut.
I just remind myself, like any other feeling, it passes....


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Roadless; 
Been there, done that. Surest way to be not lonely is marriage, but people manage with volunteer work, jobs, travel, kin, church, civic groups, etc.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

hang in there roadless. I've been feeling the same way for the past few days. with me it's all this rain and not being able to start at my gardens. I do garden in the warm rain but it's almost freezing here. I did go out today to a church with a bunch of women knitting and what not. kept thinking about my garden. I got 4 thermostats on where I mostly had just one all winter. I got gym pants a flannel shirt and hoodie on and 3 pairs wool socks and I'm still cold. ~Georgia


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

I do volunteer at a prison, am active with teens at my job, and have spiritual events I attend
Just one of those nights where I wonder if I will ever again connect at a personal level.
Not even sure why I posted this.
I guess I figured someone would relate.


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## Skamp (Apr 26, 2014)

Maybe it’s not my place, but here goes. 

I’m happily married. I spend at least 1/4 of my time on the road alone. I volunteer for Cub Scouts, and my time alone on the road is spent studying and planning for that. This past Sunday was “Scout Sunday” at our charter Church. It’s great to see the young and the old meet. 

You have to socialize in your own way.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

True Georgia, the weather doesn't help. Saturday was amazing, windows open, playing in my yard, now the heat is back on!


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Skamp, I lived in Massachusetts for decades , after my divorce I moved here. I have made many acquaintances here and I am not shy, but I haven't really made any close friends.
Although, my daughters live in this general area they have their own lives.


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## Skamp (Apr 26, 2014)

roadless said:


> Skamp, I lived in Massachusetts for decades , after my divorce I moved here. I have made many acquaintances here and I am not shy, but I haven't really made any close friends.
> Although, my daughters live in this general area they have their own lives.



I hear ya, but:

Sounds self centered.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Can you elaborate Skamp?


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## no really (Aug 7, 2013)

Hope you have a better tomorrow. Guess we've all had those days and they can be difficult to deal with. Being stuck indoors will do it for me.


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## Skamp (Apr 26, 2014)

roadless said:


> Can you elaborate Skamp?



Yes, give more than you get.


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## Kiamichi Kid (Apr 9, 2009)

I understand the feeling of loneliness all too well...I'm always up for great conversation...


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## Hiro (Feb 14, 2016)

roadless said:


> It doesn't happen often, thankfully, but when it does it hits me deep in the gut.
> I just remind myself, like any other feeling, it passes....


Tomorrow is a bright new day!


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

Skamp said:


> I hear ya, but:
> 
> Sounds self centered.


Wrong..........This forum is full of "Walking'Wounded". Sadly most of us will never full heal, never fully trust, ever again. There is no know cure for trusting 100% and getting your heart ripped out. Most are content to be alive, and live with the memories, the good ones and the bad. The fear is that the next time really, really could be fatal.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

I feel the same sometimes. The longer I am single, the more I feel like I probably wouldn't make a good companion. Right now, I have kids at home..but just for a couple more very short years. Then what? I tell myself I'll still be relatively young and I have grandkids but...will it be enough? It may have to be.


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## RichNC (Aug 22, 2014)

I have been a bit lonely lately to, but the garden should be keeping me busy soon. It didn't work out with the lady I went to lunch with so that might have something to do with it.


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## Echoesechos (Jan 22, 2010)

I volunteer also and have a wide range of activities but sometimes it isn’t enough. Winter brings out the laziness more and I just want to den up. I find myself more energized in warmer weather. This winter while not a lot of snow it has been gloomier and not as much sun as we usually get. I have found that a good quick read gets me out of my head and back on my feed so to speak. 

Hopefully tomorrow will be a new day and that you get your groove back.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Skamp said:


> Yes, give more than you get.


I give of myself in just about every interaction that I have with others on a daily basis, if only a truly listening ear.


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

roadless said:


> I give of myself in just about every interaction that I have with others on a daily basis, if only a truly listening ear.


You have always been on my "Short List" of very special ladies on the Singletree Forum. My guess is the a many of the men here at "Singletree" also have you on their short list of very special ladies.

Just because a person is lonely, does not mean they are not loved and appreciated.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Awww, well I do work in Special Education.! 
But seriously, thank you Sourdough , it means a lot coming from you and I can honestly say the feeling is mutual.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Sometimes ya need a trip to the local café or watering hole, perhaps a little shopping therapy? A trip to the flea market or a train trip with a big bag of cookies?


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

"Wrong..........This forum is full of "Walking'Wounded". Sadly most of us will never full heal, never fully trust, ever again. There is no know cure for trusting 100% and getting your heart ripped out. Most are content to be alive, and live with the memories, the good ones and the bad. The fear is that the next time really, really could be fatal"

Sourdough is right, as right as can be. If you have been here very long you know of some who took a chance and had a train wreck.

I was on this board as a widower and met some wonderful people, but one of the things I saw very quickly is that few of them were really open to a new life. Too many carried that pain from the old relationship and were unable to trust, to open themselves to a new risk. Nothing happens until one is willing to accept the risk. Minimize it with time, do what the bankers call due diligence, sort out affairs so that a catastrophe can be repaired, then take the chance.

I don't recognize many of this present crowd, but there were some very good potential mates here ten years ago. I hope they are all happy.


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## Oregon1986 (Apr 25, 2017)

I'm sorry you are feeling lonely,but you always have us on here to talk to


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

A friend works at Caseys a local conveyance store she just pointed out to me that she sees EVERYBODY there.


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## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

you can be more lonely married that single and no one else in the house. just thinking about my ex wife will cure any loneliness i feel, I sure don't want that kind of life again. I get lonely because my friends are still working, or wrapped up in their kids, or already gone. When I go to town, I seldom see anyone I know, but LOTS of new people I don't know. Rather be home alone.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

oh for sure! I was never so lonely in my life as I was in my last marriage. he lived in the lower level and only grunted when I passed him his food. there were weeks when he didn't speak to me. I couldn't get out because he needed care and I'm from the old school. you just don't up and leave. if I hadn't been so strong mentally that would have taken me under. ~Georgia


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Whiterock; You are living in God's country and are lonely? Sheesh! Fact is, people do say that a bad marriage is about what you describe, but I hold that a marriage is about what a man makes it. Either bring her to heel and make her a happy woman or turn her out to pasture and find a new woman. 

Nature so ordained it that men become the head of the household with all the attendant duties and responsibilities. The man who lives with an unhappy woman in his house is doing something wrong. 

Now I know that this will bring down a firestorm of criticism from the feminists here, but there it is. Man is by nature the head of the household WITH ALL THE ATTENDANT DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES. One of those duties is making his wife happy, even if it means frowning at her now and then. 

It does not mean drinking up all the income, lying about the house and depending upon the wife for support. It does not mean leaving all the yard work, the laundry, hauling the children here and there to the wife and taking off on fishing and hunting trips every week end. No woman needs a lousy husband who expects her to be his mother and sex slave.

Even so, if a man does his part it is up to him to set the tone for his household.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I saw a vid on FB. A black guy was telling how to tell if you have an independent woman. I thought it was REALLY good. Check it out if you can find it.


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## Wolf mom (Mar 8, 2005)

What's that old adage, "most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be"? I walked that road of loneliness and rumination. It scared me to be there. So I decided the thing for me to do was to live in the present with few expectations of the future. It's surprising how content I can be to watch a Robin make her nest.


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## Clem (Apr 12, 2016)

Buck up there, little stranger!! Everything you'll ever need is inside you. You can share, if you want, but the happiness you crave comes from within, regardless. It's up to you.

But, here's a haunting video that I watched one day, in an altered state, that I found indescribably beautiful.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

ok where's the video?


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## Clem (Apr 12, 2016)

Try refreshing your page or something. Shows here.
Here's the link, again. Just in case.


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## DKWunlimited (Sep 11, 2006)

I feel that way sometimes too, but I remind myself that the loneliest I ever felt was when I was married and had no hope of ever having a life again. At least as a single, I am in complete control of where I go and who I want to spend time with. Remember that it is better to feel lonely once in a while than settle for a jerk just to have someone else around the house. As we age, available jerks are everywhere.. lol


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## Elevenpoint (Nov 17, 2009)

Oxankle said:


> Whiterock; You are living in God's country and are lonely? Sheesh! Fact is, people do say that a bad marriage is about what you describe, but I hold that a marriage is about what a man makes it. Either bring her to heel and make her a happy woman or turn her out to pasture and find a new woman.
> 
> Nature so ordained it that men become the head of the household with all the attendant duties and responsibilities. The man who lives with an unhappy woman in his house is doing something wrong.
> 
> ...


Yea right
Set the tone?


Oxankle said:


> Whiterock; You are living in God's country and are lonely? Sheesh! Fact is, people do say that a bad marriage is about what you describe, but I hold that a marriage is about what a man makes it. Either bring her to heel and make her a happy woman or turn her out to pasture and find a new woman.
> 
> Nature so ordained it that men become the head of the household with all the attendant duties and responsibilities. The man who lives with an unhappy woman in his house is doing something wrong.
> 
> ...


That sounds great
Except there are plenty of good women that will support a bum laying around drinking up part of her income
Won't lift a finger
She can clean and take care of the kids
Sure she will complain all the time to anyone that listens
But must be some empowering something to raise another man 
child
Sure they will break up
Then right back to the bum
Fascinating behavior


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Wolf mom said:


> What's that old adage, "most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be"? I walked that road of loneliness and rumination. It scared me to be there. So I decided the thing for me to do was to live in the present with few expectations of the future. It's surprising how content I can be to watch a Robin make her nest.


I agree Wolf Mom, and most of the time I am in the present moment.. I just had a bump in the road, and I'm back on course.
Thanks!


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## tiffanysgallery (Jan 17, 2015)

I hope that lonely feeling has passed for you Roadless, and today is a better day for you


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## tiffanysgallery (Jan 17, 2015)

I think we posted at the same time, lol
Glad you're back on course.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Clem said:


> Buck up there, little stranger!! Everything you'll ever need is inside you. You can share, if you want, but the happiness you crave comes from within, regardless. It's up to you.
> 
> But, here's a haunting video that I watched one day, in an altered state, that I found indescribably beautiful.



Yep, Clem , happiness and contentment is an inside job!
Thankfully, I get that....it's those moments that I would like to share with another, and I'm alone is when I get a pang.
I have watched that video a few times....it's beautiful. ♡


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Thanks tiffanysgallery!


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## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

Ox, you are a good man, had a good marriage, led you to another one. I am a bit envious of those. As to what you said in regards to mine, YOU try to keep a lesbian happy when she is determined to make you miserable and bankrupt you at the same time. Bet you would prefer to be alone too.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

whiterock said:


> Ox, you are a good man, had a good marriage, led you to another one. I am a bit envious of those. As to what you said in regards to mine, YOU try to keep a lesbian happy when she is determined to make you miserable and bankrupt you at the same time. Bet you would prefer to be alone too.


Whiterock; You cannot make a Lesbian happy. The moment you find you are bound to one is the moment you should part. I've lived long enough to see the damage such unions cause, and I believe that it is immoral for any homosexual to marry a normal person. 

It is never too late to start over. I suggest, for older men, widows from happy marriages. That advice came from an article written by some psychologist or another---Made sense to me. By the time we are older both men and women from sound marriages are sort of "broken to harness" and don't have to go through all the melodrama kids endure. Adjustments, yes, but no drama. Both have to be willing to make the little changes that come along. 

The other point that I'd make is that great differences in age are not wise. I have seen a 22 year old "boy" marry a 65 year old woman--a good looking broad she was, but OLD. By the time the kid was 40 years old he was one bitter twit, and as soon as he found a girl friend the old woman left him, broke.

I think it equally unwise for a man to marry a much younger woman---it is just not right.


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## Dutchie (Mar 14, 2003)

Oxankle said:


> Roadless;
> Been there, done that. Surest way to be not lonely is marriage, but people manage with volunteer work, jobs, travel, kin, church, civic groups, etc.


You can be in a marriage and still be lonely, Ox.


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## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

Most of your comments on most subjects, I fully agree with. Not just on this thread. However, you have mostly good experiences with relationships/marriages. Many do not, and those can sure sour a person. Had I not divorced, if not dead, I would be homeless or in government housing. I have no doubt. As it is , I own my home, vehicles, and I am debt free except for the month's expenses on credit cards that have not come in yet. 

I am unwilling to trust and risk my security on the chance of another BAD relationship. Just not gonna happen.


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## COSunflower (Dec 4, 2006)

Clem, that was a BEAUTIFUL video and probably most people's dream when they first marry.


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## Skamp (Apr 26, 2014)

Sourdough said:


> Wrong..........This forum is full of "Walking'Wounded". Sadly most of us will never full heal, never fully trust, ever again. There is no know cure for trusting 100% and getting your heart ripped out. Most are content to be alive, and live with the memories, the good ones and the bad. The fear is that the next time really, really could be fatal.



I have emotional scars, just as most. 

My healing comes from helping youth, any way I can. 

If the subject is “a full nighttime woman”(quote from the Jerimiah Johnson film), then I’ll not break through. 

There is great joy, and the associated companionship with helping youth, without the complexity of waking up together. Although, having coffee/cocoa and biscuits ready at sunrise does help interpersonal relationships when camping, or otherwise.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Long time no see, Dutchie. Hope things are well with you. 
I suppose one can be lonely in a bad marriage, but I still think that marriage to a normal woman is pretty much what the man makes of it---that is if the woman wanted to marry him in the first place. Men, you keep them the same way you catch them.


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## feelingsheepish (Jan 18, 2008)

It's not just being with or around people that fixes loneliness, it's connecting with people. A room full of friendly people can make you feel more lonely if none of them understand you. But the only way to make those connections is to be open to them.


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## motdaugrnds (Jul 3, 2002)

Loneliness...There are many wonderful people who simply cannot connect at a primal level with others. Past experiences determine this for the most part. Thus, these people are lonely in a crowd of friends. And they wind up spending their time with activities that help them (and others) feel good. This is a sad situation.

Not one of us got out of childhood with a full deck and many are unable to resolve the negative experiences in a way that permits them to bond with those they care for. This is not a bad thing. It is simply what it is. I personally love that Carpenters' song with the words, "people who need people are the luckiness people in the world".

Those of us who live alone are sometimes confronted with the fact having another would be wonderful; and this does bring some pain at a deep level. Those of us who understand ourselves know how to pull self back up out of the humdrums. I pray you are able to do this soon.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

It took me a long time to learn to connect with others , my upbringing was rather tricky, but I know now that my family did the best they could with what they had at the time.
I made the changes necessary, with lots of help, to become the type of woman who could have healthy relationships with others, particularly a mate.
The abrupt ending of what I believed to be a better than average 30 year marriage certainly had a profound impact on me.
If that wasn't real and true, how can I believe anything I experience? That shook me to the core but I am moving forward again, just not as quickly as I'd like.


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## Clem (Apr 12, 2016)

Lonely little critter!! (That's as in Mercer Mayer's "Little Critter" series about an adorable cartoon critter, not in a bad way)

Call me, spend 15 minutes talking to me. You'll be glad to be lonely after that. Everybody always has been!!

I'm just trying to help.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Lol Clem, most of the time I am doing just fine, content even, when I first started this post ,it was due to a rare day.
I like me and the time I spend puttering around my house and cottage. 
I enjoy my job at the school, and have a great rapport with the students, working with the woman in prison is very satisfying too.
Life is good.


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## motdaugrnds (Jul 3, 2002)

Discovered this awhile back; and when I'm feeling a bit down, it will bring me right back up. Hope it helps others here....hoping I can get it on the thread. LOL


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