# One Do-Over



## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

Life is full of regrets and many of us know what hindsight is...what if you were given just ONE do-over. That second chance...What would it be? 

Mine - I would have stayed married to the children's Father until they both were out of high school. I look back at it and see I was very selfish. Although I did not love him anymore, I should have kept the family together.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

I can't really think of any do overs. All the bad and the good are so intertwined that were I to do over a bad part, I would miss out on the good.


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

rkintn said:


> I can't really think of any do overs. All the bad and the good are so intertwined that were I to do over a bad part, I would miss out on the good.



That goes with life, in general. If you have no do-overs for you, that is great. But to be honest, if anyone is going to be gut wrenching honest with themselves, there is a do-over, somewhere, in the back of their mind.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

oh yes, I know what I would do. if I had it to do over I would never have remarried. he was very controlling and I lost a few years and a couple of my friends passed and I didn't see them. it's all water under the bridge now though. ~Georgia


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

RubyRed said:


> That goes with life, in general. If you have no do-overs for you, that is great. But to be honest, if anyone is going to be gut wrenching honest with themselves, there is a do-over, somewhere, in the back of their mind.


I guess we will have to agree to disagree on this one. I can clearly see where there are things I probably should or shouldn't have done, but it would have changed other events in my life that I would not be willing to give up. So, no, no do overs for me. That's not to say I don't learn from my past or my mistakes. I just choose not to continue to beat myself over events that have already happened and that I can no longer change.


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

I think you might be unfair to yourself?

There are no do-overs in life. I've contemplated this question before, and wish the marriage had worked or I had married better. BUT... If one thing had changed, it would have changed my life...and I'm not a bit sorry for the life I have!

In fact, I'm grateful for it. for sure, there was sadness and heartache associated with it. There has also been much joy, and much learning, and still more to learn. There are times of loneliness, but they are minimal. I relearned how to enjoy my own company, and love myself! 

I wish the X had a better life, she seems to be in limbo? She has made her own choices, though. She and her family history has always seemed to have demons chasing them, and I wish peace for her, here and now. I was never able to supply it though.

I have no regrets for myself. She did help raise (our) kids, and I'm eternally grateful for that, and they're fantastic (adults now). I do wish life had been better for her and others!

Each of us have responsibilities to fulfill. We cannot do it for another! Just hope the groundwork offered was good enough.


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

LJ - I don't think I am being unfair to myself, I am being honest with myself. With the Holidays approaching and wisdom shared by many here, has me doing some serious soul searching. I don't want to make the same mistakes over. 

We can all say things that make us feel good, reason our choices, and justify our actions at the time. 

I remember my mom saying to me, as you get older, you will understand what I am saying. I am older now, as a grandmother, her words are echoing....


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## Guest (Nov 28, 2013)

If I had a single do-over, I'd have never, ever, ever dated anyone until my children were grown...


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

I have more regrets than I care to admit. But I know that any do over would include changing things that I don't regret. So instead of specific events, my do over would have to be that I was more considerate of the people that I've known in my life.


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

sustainabilly said:


> I have more regrets than I care to admit. But I know that any do over would include changing things that I don't regret. So instead of specific events, my do over would have to be that I was more considerate of the people that I've known in my life.


That is so awesome, me too.


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

yall know i pulled the rip cord of life alot and its mostly been good.

but unlike clinton...i wished i had inhaled....roflmao......all kidding aside...if the high of life was any better i couldnt stand it.

i do have regrets but they are between me and YHWH/god and the dark of the night when i am on my knees and doing my prayers before bedtime.


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

I can't see where any do-over would change things without taking away from who I have become... And it wouldn't change other people, just perhaps allow me to react in a different, better way.


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

p.s. that was for you rk...hope you blew kool aid out ya nose....lol


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## calliemoonbeam (Aug 7, 2007)

I wish I would have said yes instead of thinking he was just joking. I could have spent the last 35 years with the love of my life.


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

I wish that I would've cared about my brother and sisters more when I was in my teen years. My parents were very very strict although I didn't give them a reason to be, so I did start rebelling in ways. I wasn't a bad kid. I stayed on the honor roll and took AP classes all through high school, even though I left home at 16. But I missed out on them growing up by leaving. My brother turned out great. Really good guy. My sisters are evil though. They are miserable people. They treat people like total crap. Makes me wonder if I had any part in that? I don't know. Just wish it had turned out different.

It wasn't specified that it had to be about an intimate relationship, so hope that's ok.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Would I do a do over and miss all that I have learned from my mistakes, all the wisdom, the pain and growth, the tears and laughter, the very moments that now define me? Would I miss the hours, days, months and years of praying and seeking good from the bad, of finding my place with God, of wrestling with myself? Would I change one little thing to avoid the rough and lonely roads I have traveled and travailed, the unsure trails I've trod, and once again be the naive rube I once was? You darn toot'n I would 
When I was 18yo I broke a young girl's heart. We were innocent and in LOVE. She loved me, and God knows I loved her. She was the love of my life, the light of my world, and she scared the bejesus out of me, so I ran like a cowardly dog.
I used to think I wouldn't change a thing, that I was thankful for it all. And then, one night, sitting on my mountain, I had to admitt that I was a lying SOB. I'd change everything if given the chance. I would not have done that to her, I would have been a better husband to my first wife, I would have loved my children even more, I would have been a better husband to my second wife...the list is endless. I would much rather be ignorant and blissfull. 
If I could only do one thing over, I would not wait 15 years to call Debby to tell I was sorry.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

I'm on my do over. Yes, a lot of stuff in my past shoulda' woulda' coulda' but didn't. The important thing, did I learn anything? Am I walking away from the experiences with wisdom to do things differently in my wonderful blessing of Do Over?


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I would have done more to keep X1, AND I WOULD HAVE KEPT MY 40 IN kANS, Which would have been paid for 15yrs ago


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## txplowgirl (Oct 15, 2007)

I wish I hadn't married my first husband. Even though I love my son. 21 years of pure dee hell just to spite my momma and get out of the house.

I was 17. But then, I guess I wouldn't have known how much to really appreciate my second husband now.


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## NickieL (Jun 15, 2007)

My one do over.... I would have refused to listen to my mother when it came to my first job opportunity, which would of been a research assistant in the Rocky Mountains. I would of gone ahead with it rather then listening to her. It was the first of many mistakes as I just wanted to be a good daughter....to someone who didn't deserve even my time of day.


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## dkhern (Nov 30, 2012)

learned a long time ago coulda woulda surea was for someone who wants to sit and cry in their beer. you cant change something without changing something else. i think garth brooks had a song about such. the dance


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

I would have never smoked in the alley with Billy Thompson to try and be cool and look older.:yuck: I have been on and off of the dang things since.

As far as all the other crazy stuff ....I have learned something about myself, others and life in general. It all makes me who I am. I think regrets come from making the same bonehead mistakes over and over. I try to learn the first time.

To paraphrase Maya Angelo " When we know better we do better " I like that. 
To me it is all part of living and learning and growing.


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## starjj (May 2, 2005)

Gotten divorced, We were young, immature, especially me and I felt I was missing out in life. I think we would have made it if I had stuck it out. However I will say that I don't believe it do overs.

Your life is what it is and your decisions are yours. I do believe that God has plans for each of ours lives and I wouldn't be the same person today (don't know if that is good or not) lol.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

I have to echo what others have said, I'm sure I have some regrets, but I can't think of a thing I'd want to do over.

I'm who/what/where I am because of the past and I'm pretty darn content.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

elkhound said:


> p.s. that was for you rk...hope you blew kool aid out ya nose....lol


:rock:


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

I figure my life was the way it has had to be. If I messed up on things that is because I was ignorant and needed to learn. 

I believe in reincarnation so I believe I was born into the life and the family I was because of my past life karma. Perhaps my last life was even worse then this one and this one is actually a step up from the last. All I can do is make changes in my life now so that my life improves here and now and also so that my next lives are better.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Roadless, Did Billy Thompson think you were smokin? LOL


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

FarmboyBill said:


> Roadless, Did Billy Thompson think you were smokin? LOL



yep....and visa versa :grin:


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## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

There are things I wish had turned out differently, but they turned out the only way they could at that time in my life.


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## jwal10 (Jun 5, 2010)

No regrets, but have always wondered if I had not grown the farm so big, I may have had better health with less stress. BUT I know for sure I have more money now and was able to retire earlier, if at all. I would not want to do anything different. It was meant to be. Someone knew and guided us, it sure wasn't that smart....James


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

I think every time we wake up in the morning breathing, we have the opportunity for a Do Over.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Only One?

I would have been a Believer, and Follower of Christ from young childhood forward.,....

Coming to know the Lord at 33, though Glorious and Awesome, gives one 33 years of living life without Him......and the consequences to 'God-less" choices can stick with you for your entire life......


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Many talk of do overs in their past however I would not want any do overs in my life because as the hypothesis of time travel states that you cannot change the past without altering the present and future , I consider all the days and events I have laid to rest behind me have brought me to the present and tomorrows to come that I enjoy.


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## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

My one regret is that it took me so long to forgive myself. My guilt over already forgiven screw-ups colored my decisions. I can clearly see a different path if I had trusted in forgiveness.


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

I'd not eaten all those smoked oysters and all that ice cream for breakfast.......


:sob: 
i got noth'n left for Supper,,,,,,,,


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

Laura said:


> I think every time we wake up in the morning breathing, we have the opportunity for a Do Over.


Very well said!! Thank you, I needed to read that.....


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## cindy71 (Jul 7, 2008)

I never would have married.... EVER


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## Dutchie (Mar 14, 2003)

vicker said:


> If I could only do one thing over, I would not wait 15 years to call Debby to tell I was sorry.


It is never too late!!


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

It is often too late. And, the fact is there are no do overs in life, only do betters. Sometimes you get the chance to make things right, but you can never go back to being that person you were before once you've changed. The clock can't be turned back. I love, LOVE, who I am now. My point is that, given the chance I would do some things differently. That is not possible, so I am left to love what I have become.


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

RubyRed said:


> Life is full of regrets and many of us know what hindsight is...what if you were given just ONE do-over. That second chance...What would it be?
> 
> Mine - I would have stayed married to the children's Father until they both were out of high school. I look back at it and see I was very selfish. Although I did not love him anymore, I should have kept the family together.


My son is an adult in college and wants nothing to do with his father nor does his siblings. I should have never married him. They got to see his true colors from staying married too long.


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## swamp man (Dec 25, 2005)

There ain't enough bandwidth here for me to list all my regrets, but....
In retrospect, I kinda' feel like I shoulda' done more to let my ex-wife know how much I appreciated her, not that I wish we'd stayed together, but she gave me some great years and is truly a wonderful person.

I regret that as a child, I allowed mom to trick me into thinking that my dad didn't want to see me, as it turned out to be an outright lie. He left when I was three, I saw him once when I was eight via a court order, and he died when I was almost fifteen. I spent a lot of years hating him until I got ahold of the court documents that showed that he had, indeed, been fighting to see me up until the day he died.


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## Dutchie (Mar 14, 2003)

vicker said:


> It is often too late. And, the fact is there are no do overs in life, only do betters. Sometimes you get the chance to make things right, but you can never go back to being that person you were before once you've changed. The clock can't be turned back. I love, LOVE, who I am now. My point is that, given the chance I would do some things differently. That is not possible, so I am left to love what I have become.


I agree with you. What I meant was that it isnt too late to tell her you are sorry. She may be glad to hear it.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

You are going to make me cry swamp. That is heart breaking.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

After we divorced, my first husband remarried and he and his second wife had a little girl. When she was 18 months old, their daughter drowned in their swimming pool. Glenn died a year and a half later at age 31. The official cause of death was a heart attack, but I've always believed he died of a broken heart. 

Over the years, I've been haunted by the fact that if we'd been able to get our acts together and stay married, perhaps his life might have played out differently. He might even be alive today. 

I wouldn't trade the happiness I enjoy now for anything ... except, perhaps, for the chance to do-over my first marriage, if it meant I could spare him the awful heartbreak of his daughter's passing.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

I would have just taken one hit, not two....LOL!!!


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

Awww hugs Swampman.


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## catspjamas (Jul 14, 2013)

It's easy to think if I had a do over, that I would run when an exbf first asks me out. But, if I had said no, I'd have never met his daughter, and never had the chance to take care of her. It was hell for me, living with a drug addict, but I was able to be a mom to a little girl that desperately needed a mom. And to give her some stability in her life, when she wouldn't have had any had I not been there.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Dutchie said:


> I agree with you. What I meant was that it isnt too late to tell her you are sorry. She may be glad to hear it.


Ohhh, I did that long ago. Hence the 15 year reference. My God, she was still the one, but married, unhappily married, but married none the less. The world had turned. It was good for her to hear me. I've not told you all the whole story, but I did her really wrong, and it did her good to hear my apology and my story.


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## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

Vicker - you just confirmed something I always suspected. There really is that one special/perfect person out there for each of us - but they are probably unhappily married to someone else too.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Bah! We're not that unique.


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

vicker said:


> Ohhh, I did that long ago. Hence the 15 year reference. My God, she was still the one, but married, unhappily married, but married none the less. The world had turned. It was good for her to hear me. I've not told you all the whole story, but I did her really wrong, and it did her good to hear my apology and my story.


Sounds like a beautiful love story...just because they may not end the way we had hoped, doesn't mean they were not beautiful while they lasted...

You are one of the lucky ones, Vicker.  The love never went sour.


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

swamp man said:


> There ain't enough bandwidth here for me to list all my regrets, but....
> In retrospect, I kinda' feel like I shoulda' done more to let my ex-wife know how much I appreciated her, not that I wish we'd stayed together, but she gave me some great years and is truly a wonderful person.
> 
> I regret that as a child, I allowed mom to trick me into thinking that my dad didn't want to see me, as it turned out to be an outright lie. He left when I was three, I saw him once when I was eight via a court order, and he died when I was almost fifteen. I spent a lot of years hating him until I got ahold of the court documents that showed that he had, indeed, been fighting to see me up until the day he died.


Wow, now that is some gut wrenching honesty. You are a fine man, swampman.


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

willow_girl said:


> After we divorced, my first husband remarried and he and his second wife had a little girl. When she was 18 months old, their daughter drowned in their swimming pool. Glenn died a year and a half later at age 31. The official cause of death was a heart attack, but I've always believed he died of a broken heart.
> 
> Over the years, I've been haunted by the fact that if we'd been able to get our acts together and stay married, perhaps his life might have played out differently. He might even be alive today.
> 
> I wouldn't trade the happiness I enjoy now for anything ... except, perhaps, for the chance to do-over my first marriage, if it meant I could spare him the awful heartbreak of his daughter's passing.


What a beautiful soul you are...


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

Ehh, I don't know about that ... I tend to think anyone would do the same if they could, right? But thank you for the kind words.


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## CountryWannabe (May 31, 2004)

I wish I hadn't married my first DH so young. We were both really too immature for marriage. However - if I hadn't married him, I wouldn't have moved and taken the job that eventually led to my meeting #2. If I hadn't met and married him (#2), I wouldn't have my two children. If he hadn't been such a jerk, I wouldn't have left him and I wouldn't have felt the need to continue further education to enable me to earn more, and I wouldn't have met my current DH... If I hadn't met current DH I wouldn't have moved from the UK to the US, I wouldn't have my homestead, so to be honest, I don't think I would want a do-over, even if it would mean that I could avoid some heartache.

Mary


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Im with you Cindi. I wish I had never married. Starting out, me and bro wernt going to. We were going to be bachers on farms near each other. We took cooking in 4H so as to know how to cook for ourselves. I got in HS first, and that ended that.

HAD I got a farm FIRST, before noticing girls, I like to think I would have taken them in moderation, took time to appreciate them, had a living in place when I finally settled on one, AND HOPEFULLY, Settled on a farm girl.


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## sss3 (Jul 15, 2007)

I,too, would never have married so young. By the time I was 30, I'd almost been married 1/3 of my life. I wasn't the same person at 30 that I was at 18. That wasn't the reason for the break up. Every time I hear someone very young, say they're marrying, I want to try and talk them out of it. I don't; because they always say how much in love they are.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

I wish I had the knowledge I have now back when I was younger.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

It's probably best that I didn't


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

If I had ONE do-over, I would have gone to see my husband in the hospital the morning the nurse over-dosed him with insulin, instead of going for my x-rays at another hospital. I had WANTED to ditch my x-rays and go see him, but figured I should get the x-rays out of the way. Had I been there, I would have caught the crash before he stopped breathing and his heart quit.

And that is the ONLY do-over I would want.

Mon


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## Dutchie (Mar 14, 2003)

frogmammy said:


> If I had ONE do-over, I would have gone to see my husband in the hospital the morning the nurse over-dosed him with insulin, instead of going for my x-rays at another hospital. I had WANTED to ditch my x-rays and go see him, but figured I should get the x-rays out of the way. Had I been there, I would have caught the crash before he stopped breathing and his heart quit.
> 
> And that is the ONLY do-over I would want.
> 
> Mon


That just breaks my heart. I am so sorry.


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