# Alma is getting worse



## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Yes, Alma is undoubtedly getting worse. The incontinence isn't improving, and the difficulty swallowing is worse, but there are new problems. Alma can no longer feed herself and she's curled up to the left all the time now, nearly in a fetal position.

This morning a took her some toast, but she picked-up the plate and dumped the toast on her bed, claiming that she didn't know the toast was on the plate. Yesterday she tried to eat a meat & mashed potatoes TV dinner, but just shoveled it onto her blanket. I had to feed her myself, one bite at a time.

It seems logical that some medical condition is causing this. I tried to discuss it with the nurse yesterday. She just shook her head and indicated that it was to be expected. But Alma's latest CAT scan shows that the blood from the subdural hematoma has been completely absorbed, and there was no new sign of stroke during her last hospital stay. You would think she would start improving, but it's going the opposite direction.

Still, I feel like I should be doing something to find out what's wrong and treat it definitively. I don't have clear enough symptoms to take her to the ER at this point. If they ask what wrong at the ER, I would like to say something more clearly an emergency than telling them that she's spilling her food. All I can think to do is to take her to see her regular doctor early next week and see what she thinks.


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

Alma has my prayers. And I pray for you for strength in dealing with her. I know it's difficult and heartbreaking to see the roller coaster she has been on lately.


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## kidsnchix (Oct 2, 2003)

I'm praying for your strength and courage during this rough time. The care-giver really takes the brunt of times like this.


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## whatrset (Apr 13, 2010)

I am saddened to hear that she is regressing. These events are a terrible burden for anyone to bear. You are doing a good job Nevada.


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## goatlady (May 31, 2002)

Nevada, she is old and tired and her body is starting to shut down. Not necessarily a "medical" condition that can be treated with a pill, just the natural aging process we all have to face and deal with both in others and in ourselves. Please be kind to her and let her make her choices at this time in her life. I know, you don't want to hear this, but it's life. Went through this with my mother when my father insisted all available measures be taken to prolong her life directly against her wishes and then with my 101-year old neighbor who was allowed to go peacefully at her own pace and chosing. Quite a difference in both cases. Rejoice in the life she has had and the joy she brought to you and others and allow her to move on to the next phase if she so choses. JUST my personal opinion. You will do as you think best.


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## Lizza (Nov 30, 2005)

I am sorry Nevada. This is the exact reasons you need to care for _yourself _ as well as Alma. We can't say it enough to you, Alma is so lucky to have you in her life. 

It is to be expected and I am sorry, you are doing an amazing job.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

goatlady said:


> Nevada, she is old and tired and her body is starting to shut down. Not necessarily a "medical" condition that can be treated with a pill, just the natural aging process we all have to face and deal with both in others and in ourselves. Please be kind to her and let her make her choices at this time in her life. I know, you don't want to hear this, but it's life. Went through this with my mother when my father insisted all available measures be taken to prolong her life directly against her wishes and then with my 101-year old neighbor who was allowed to go peacefully at her own pace and chosing. Quite a difference in both cases. Rejoice in the life she has had and the joy she brought to you and others and allow her to move on to the next phase if she so choses. JUST my personal opinion. You will do as you think best.


It's difficult to not think we need to pursue something like stroke or infection.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Has she been ruled out for Alzheimer's yet? Stay strong.


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## Alice In TX/MO (May 10, 2002)

I must respectfully agree with goatlady. From what you've posted and what we've seen in our own family's aged loved ones, this is the decline toward the end. 

I did *exactly* what you are doing and refused to see it in my mother. Calling Hospice didn't really register in my brain as a sign of the end stages till Mom had passed away.

You are doing what she needs. Being there, support, respect, care. Bless you both.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

beccachow said:


> Has she been ruled out for Alzheimer's yet? Stay strong.


No Alzheimer's. She still knows who she is, who I am, and where she is. She even remembers her birth date. She sleeps all the time now though. I doubt if she has one hour awake each day. It's easy to wake her up, but she'll go right back to sleep.

The problem with eating seems to be more of a motor skill problem than a thinking problem, although that doesn't explain her dumping the toast.


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## barnyardgal (Sep 21, 2009)

I am so very sorry for what your having to go through..it is real tough watching a loved one go downhill fast and nothing you can do but be there for them....


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## deaconjim (Oct 31, 2005)

It sounds like she may be suffering from a form of cerebral vascular disease. The smaller blood vessels in the brain gradually becoming blocked which results in some rather unpredictable cognitive disorders.


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## mightybooboo (Feb 10, 2004)

goatlady said:


> Nevada, she is old and tired and her body is starting to shut down. Not necessarily a "medical" condition that can be treated with a pill, just the natural aging process we all have to face and deal with both in others and in ourselves. Please be kind to her and let her make her choices at this time in her life. I know, you don't want to hear this, but it's life. Went through this with my mother when my father insisted all available measures be taken to prolong her life directly against her wishes and then with my 101-year old neighbor who was allowed to go peacefully at her own pace and chosing. Quite a difference in both cases. Rejoice in the life she has had and the joy she brought to you and others and allow her to move on to the next phase if she so choses. JUST my personal opinion. You will do as you think best.


Goatlady is giving it to you straight.Well said Goatlady for being very honest and giving him the truth.

Nevada,I said it before,its how you handle END of Life thats going to be the issue.Quality vrs quantity.Hard to do,brave people it takes to do it.

*This is end of life.*

If you believe....God is TRYING to take her home peacefully,dont stop him IMO.I wouldnt ever do this to my family member and thats fact,not talk.

Western culture,we cant deal with death.Its as common as birth,we need to face it as the circle of life and let it go.

*Rejoice in the life she has had and the joy she brought to you and others and allow her to move on to the next phase if she so choses. * Excellent excellent advice there.

I wish Alma peace,and you too Nevada,youve done what you can,and you are not stupid,Learn and move to the next phase and do that right too.

If there is a hospice option for you they are the most professional/compassionate folks you will find.They can set you straight with EVERYTHING you could possibly need.

Me would let her peacefully pass in her own home with comfort measures and nothing more,if thats a possibility you can handle you would be doing a very compassionate loving thing indeed IMO,being there for her to help her pass in peace.

Talk to Hospice.


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## AR Cattails (Dec 22, 2005)

Nevada, you and Alma are still in my prayers.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

deaconjim said:


> It sounds like she may be suffering from a form of cerebral vascular disease. The smaller blood vessels in the brain gradually becoming blocked which results in some rather unpredictable cognitive disorders.


That could be, in which case there's no way they could treat it with her recent brain bleed problems. Using an anticoagulant is too risky, even for her pulmonary embolism.

It would be nice to know for sure one way or the other. At least I would have something to accept.

She was just getting agitated so I gave her 15 mg temazepam. She should be set for about 4 hours now. I don't know if she's going to want to get up to watch Lawrence Welk tonight, but I'm guessing not.


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## SquashNut (Sep 25, 2005)

Can you put the tv. where she can hear it?


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

SquashNut said:


> Can you put the tv. where she can hear it?


The physical therapist recommended against it. With the TV in the living room she has a motivation to get out of bed to watch it.


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## pamda (Oct 14, 2004)

I hope when i am old and have the need I have someone like you, Nevada. You are a true friend. Bless you for your love and help for this sweet woman. And saying that, I have to add..I have seen so many elderly people go this way. Even the rolled to the side kinda curled up. It is just a peaceful, quiet fading away. How I want to go. Glad she has you to watch over her to give her end days some validity and peace. She knows you are there and you love her. I am sure that is making things even easier for her in her mind.


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## SquashNut (Sep 25, 2005)

I think the physical therapist may have been right before, but it may be alright now.


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## Harry Chickpea (Dec 19, 2008)

Just a guess, but I would expect her heart might not be pumping as effectively at this point. If she is on one side all the time, blood could be pooling even if she doesn't have overt bedsores and the antibiotic has prevented sepsis. This is likely the natural end, and from this point forward medical intervention will be more disruptive that effective. I think she is prepping you to know that she is about to go home. Peace.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Harry Chickpea said:


> Just a guess, but I would expect her heart might not be pumping as effectively at this point. If she is on one side all the time, blood could be pooling even if she doesn't have overt bedsores and the antibiotic has prevented sepsis. This is likely the natural end, and from this point forward medical intervention will be more disruptive that effective. I think she is prepping you to know that she is about to go home. Peace.


She has a bedsore on her tailbone. Her heart is strong and her arteries are clear, so that's been her strength through all of this so far.

I suspect that she's listing to the left because of the brain damage on the right side. She had both the subdural hematoma and CVA on the right side. I was hoping that the damage would start to repair by now. Her left arm & hand are also showing signs that she has less control than she used to have. I've been strongly suspecting a neurological problem that we aren't aware of.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

SquashNut said:


> I think the physical therapist may have been right before, but it may be alright now.


I'll rethink that.


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## TheMartianChick (May 26, 2009)

mightybooboo said:


> Goatlady is giving it to you straight.Well said Goatlady for being very honest and giving him the truth.
> 
> Nevada,I said it before,its how you handle END of Life thats going to be the issue.Quality vrs quantity.Hard to do,brave people it takes to do it.
> 
> ...


I have to agree... We went through something similar with my mother in law. It wasn't easy to watch. She slept all of the time. Struggled to swallow pills and food and got thinner and thinner. We all tried to tempt her with her favorites, but she still didn't eat much. Someone in the family convinced her to get a feeding tube inserted. That gave her some nourishment, but no satisfaction from what she was consuming. She picked up a bit after the feeding tube was inserted but that was just because we no longer hassled her about eating all of the time. She passed away a few months later. I am praying for both you and Alma.


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## Tiempo (May 22, 2008)

Best wishes Nevada, I agree with SquashNut, perhaps it's time to let her listen to her show where she is.

Hugs.


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## Tiempo (May 22, 2008)

I spoke to my mother the other day and she told me that my Gran is doing the same thing, won't eat and sleeping all the time...She is 95.

She's happy when she's awake, but that's not much. I wish I could see her, but I fear I may never see her again


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## Guest (Jul 30, 2011)

Hugs..I too from what I have read think Alma is at the end stages of her life..It must be very hard on you to hear this about someone you care about so much..but please call her Dr and let them know the changes she is now showing..make her as comfortable as you can..You have been a great person taking care of her and now it's time to let her go..


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## JuliaAnn (Dec 7, 2004)

Having worked in a branch of medical research many years ago, and having helped care for a few elderly family members at the end of their lives, I'll contribute this.. in advanced age, the body doesn't rebuild itself at the cellular level as efficiently as it does at a younger age, and sometimes most tissues are affected, as well as what is called the 'influence of systems'. Nurses and physicians may refer to it differently, but the influence of one system on another can cause a cascade effect within the body. In other words, as GoatLady said, her body is just wearing out. And sometimes physicans can only do so much with body organs when the tissues themselves are damaged. They can treat what they can, and keep the patient comfortable so there is no pain or suffering, and sometimes that's all they can do. It's hard to accept, but the human body is not 'made' to last forever, and physicians can only do so much. It's no comfort knowing that, I know. Been there and done that, and felt that. 

Bless your heart for helping her, and being with her so she's not alone. You're doing all you can for her, and giving her a gracious dignity at this time.


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## deaconjim (Oct 31, 2005)

Nevada said:


> That could be, in which case there's no way they could treat it with her recent brain bleed problems. Using an anticoagulant is too risky, even for her pulmonary embolism.
> 
> It would be nice to know for sure one way or the other. At least I would have something to accept.
> 
> She was just getting agitated so I gave her 15 mg temazepam. She should be set for about 4 hours now. I don't know if she's going to want to get up to watch Lawrence Welk tonight, but I'm guessing not.


I think the best you can do in such a case is probably Plavix, but that really isn't much help. I agree with the others who say she is nearing the end. Make the most of the time she has left and make her as comfortable as you can.


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## Callieslamb (Feb 27, 2007)

pamda said:


> I hope when i am old and have the need I have someone like you, Nevada. You are a true friend. Bless you for your love and help for this sweet woman. ..... Glad she has you to watch over her to give her end days some validity and peace. She knows you are there and you love her. I am sure that is making things even easier for her in her mind.


My thoughts exactly! 
My prayers are with you and Alma. Do whatever you think you need to do for Alma. It might not have results, but you will always know that you did whatever/whenever you could. She already knows it.


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## naturelover (Jun 6, 2006)

Bless you Nevada for being so caring. I agree with Goatlady, JuliaAnn and others that Alma's body is shutting down, she sounds like she's in end stage and doesn't have much longer to go. Bring the TV into her bedroom for her so she can watch Lawrence Welk if that's what she wants. It won't do any harm and you'll be providing her with a final emotional comfort that's so important to her.

.


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## dragonjaze (Sep 8, 2010)

I have seen this many, many times as an aide in many nursing homes. I have also seen many families in denial.

Sounds like she's trying to slip away fairly peacefully. Enjoy the time you have with her while she's awake.

There's nothing left to "fix". We wear out.

((hugs))


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## Hisgoodgirl (Mar 31, 2010)

I shall pray to The Father for peace and comfort to you both in this trying time. I cared for my father as he was dying last fall and this is much the same as what he did at the end. My grandparents were similar as well though it has been a number of years since I nursed them. Please allow her to make her peace and enter into the Glory that is to come. May you be blessed for being such a caring person.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

deaconjim said:


> I think the best you can do in such a case is probably Plavix, but that really isn't much help. I agree with the others who say she is nearing the end. Make the most of the time she has left and make her as comfortable as you can.


With the brain bleed they have ruled-out plavix, coumadin, heprin, and even low-dose aspirin. She hasn't even been treated for her pulmonary embolism yet.

Keeping her comfortable and clean is about all I can think do. It doesn't seem like nearly enough.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

dragonjaze said:


> I have seen this many, many times as an aide in many nursing homes.


Interestingly, Alma is a retired CNA. She might know what's going on.


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## mightybooboo (Feb 10, 2004)

Nevada said:


> Keeping her comfortable and clean is about all I can think do. It doesn't seem like nearly enough.


Its just what you CAN do for her and very very very important.Its what she needs,you are providing,its all huge peace of mind and comfort for her.She has peace because you are there watching and protecting,believe it.Nobody can hurt her with you there,she knows that.

*What you are doing should not be minimized.Its HUGE.*

Something to know,hearing is the last thing lost they say,talk to her a lot.Hold her hand,thats the comfort you provide.Not being alone,safe with you.If this does become the end folks can help you.

Agree,let her hear her TV.

Really,the Hospice folks do have answers for you,they are the BEST. When you feel its time,and only you can decide,we can only suggest and arent there, they are there for you.Utilize em if you can if available and appropriate to yours and hers plans.


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## pamda (Oct 14, 2004)

Keeping her comfortable and clean is about all I can think do. It doesn't seem like nearly enough 

You are doing exactly enough. Take care of you also.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

When my great-great-great aunt died at 105, someone asked the doctor what she died of. The doctor replied, "Nothing in particular, she was just old, and tired".

Just tell her you love her, as often as possible. Tell her there's a bunch of strangers that she's never met, who care deeply about her.

Mon


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

pamda said:


> You are doing exactly enough. Take care of you also.


After I gave her the temazepam I ran around town to do some errands (buy some Depends at CVS, go to the supermarket). It was nice to get out.

I've got a 3 lb meatloaf in the oven right now. Reheated meatloaf sandwiches are a quick & simple way to make something to eat. I'll pig-out on that later, offering some to Alma. I may even have a glass a wine later tonight.

Alma had her buttered toast this morning, but wasn't hungry at lunch time. I've been giving her apple juice today instead of water so she gets a little sugar in her.

She woke-up while I was typing this and said she is in pain. I gave her a Lortab. I suspect she'll be pretty quiet tonight.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Actually there is one change in her vitals worth mentioning. Her blood pressure has been low the past few days. In her right arm her systolic is around 100, but the left arm is up around 120. Systolic readings below 100 have occurred (I got a 94 once) but it's usually right at about 100 in the right arm.

She has had medication for low BP in the hospital before.

The home health nurse said that low readings in one arm weren't unusual. She didn't seem alarmed at the reading, or even particularly concerned.


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## bridget (May 10, 2002)

I wish you the best.


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## sharplady (May 20, 2011)

It is not unusual to get different readings on the left arm vs the right in older patients. It has to do with the elasticity of the arteries. Just FYI Altered Mental Status is a reason to go to the ER. I once had a patient who his wife brought him in because he was being NICE and yes he was a very sick patient. 

Praying for you and Alma both.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

sharplady said:


> Just FYI Altered Mental Status is a reason to go to the ER.


I've taken Alma to the ER with altered mental status before, but it was a radical change like as being mostly unresponsive. This time it's also complicated by her being alert enough to refuse to go.


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## Guest (Jul 31, 2011)

A story..

My Grandmother was 98 and had as clear a brain as she did when she was 20-something..then she started sleeping a great deal, and having little appetite, and being just a little confused off and on. My mother wanted to take her to the hospital and have them "fix" whatever was wrong. Grandmother spoke firmly to mother..she asked , "If you make me go to the hospital, can they do anything to turn back the clock? Can they make my heart and brain younger? Can they strengthen my bones? If not, then don't make me be poked and prodded..because in the end I'm going to die anyway..I'd rather die comfortably, thank you." 

and she did..

I share this with you Nevada because it is similar to what you are experiencing..bless you for caring for your friend..you are "doing" something..you are giving her love and attention and being a dear friend.


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## salmonslayer (Jan 4, 2009)

Well, I dont have much to offer except our continued thoughts and best wishes. Again, she is lucky to be in the end of days with someone who cares about her.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Nevada, goatlady said it first - and others have agreed.
It's not that we are "giving up" on her. It's just that most of us have been down this road before - and things don't get better. It's all a down hill slide from here. This is the best she is going to be. 
We all could be wrong - but from what I've been seeing, I don't think so.
And I don't want to sound so negative, but the truth is in front of you, you've been given the truth, and yet you keep grasping at straws.
And from what I've read, the visiting nurses seem to be "telling you" too.
And as bostonlesley has said - Would you rather have her pass away peacefully at home - in her own house - or being poked and prodded and passing away in a hospital room?
A body wears out and no matter how much you keep treating it, one thing or another will cause the end. The trouble is deciding just how far to take things.
Hugs to you and Alma.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Late night. Alma was more agitated than usual, but I'm not sure of the source. Pain medication didn't help. I gave her another 15 mg temazapam and she's finally asleep.

Maybe we'll have a better day tomorrow. I hope she'll eat better. She only had two slices of toast today, plus a few glasses of apple juice throughout the day.

Good night!


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## Ohiogal (Mar 15, 2007)

Nevada;
Prayers for you, and Alma. That her passing be peaceful. I went through this with my own father a couple of years ago and all I can say is keeping her comfortable is the way to go and the only thing you can do.
Its all about basic care now and you are doing a big thing taking care of her. She is very blessed to have you at this time.
Also, when the patient gets to the point where they are really only aware of the basic needs - you have to realize that the chaos and thoughts that you are experiencing in this time of preparation is for you only. She isn't feeling it.
My father grew restless the night before he passed away. He was in kidney failure, and his BP was dropping lower by the hour. Do not be surprised if she goes quickly when you least expect it.
Hugs to you, Nevada.


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## nanadeb (Dec 30, 2010)

Yes...Bless you for being so caring.
Will say prayers for you both


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## stickinthemud (Sep 10, 2003)

Nevada, bless your care & caring. I don't know what the drugs you mention are for, but I know that when Mom passed, the more aware she was, the more adamant she was about not eating. When I wonder if we didn't 'do enough'-- I know that to do more was not what She wanted. I hope Alma can communicate her wishes. Bless you both.


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## fetch33 (Jan 15, 2010)

Nevada said:


> No Alzheimer's. She still knows who she is, who I am, and where she is. She even remembers her birth date. She sleeps all the time now though. I doubt if she has one hour awake each day. It's easy to wake her up, but she'll go right back to sleep.
> 
> The problem with eating seems to be more of a motor skill problem than a thinking problem, although that doesn't explain her dumping the toast.


My mother has Alzheimer's and knows all of those things also, She has lost most of her short-term memory and can no longer cook or make decisions. Her recall of the past is pretty spot on for the most part, although sometimes there are holes in her memory lately. As a nurse, I also think Alma is going through a natural decline. There isn't always a diagnosis or treatment that is going to help that. She is probably tired of tests by now.


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## JuliaAnn (Dec 7, 2004)

Letting go, or rather learning to let go is the single most difficult thing caregivers and family learn. We want to keep trying because there is always a glimmer of hope that there will be a medication that will make a significant change, that will help somehow. 

Nevada, I think when the time is right to let go, you'll know. You're doing all you can, and again, bless you for caring for her.


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## Jenn (Nov 9, 2004)

Nevada I am thinking of you and Alma at this time. As you saw with acute mental status changes it may be due to an infection- pneumonia or UTI- and probably now it is due to the other can't be fixed conditions. We docs call pneumonia the old man's friend and at some point- Alma may be telling you it is now- we should not even make people take antibiotics to cure an infection they actually do have- since it was what they were meant to die of, and fixing it delays dying without much benefit to the patient. If she has not already explained all this to you (if you just get to be her health care proxy if needed but she does not have a living will spelling out whether to intubate or place a feeding tube) why not ask her what she wants if she gets a bigger more dramatic change- a check for infection? To be let to die of whatever the new ailment is if it comes but have pain controlled? Just for you to follow your best judgement? 

Wishing you strength and peace in the next few days/weeks/months, Nevada.


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## rean (Nov 18, 2008)

Allowing someone to die is a painful conclusion to come to. But once you do, you will be at peace as well. Something I remember from last year when my best friend was dying from cancer. Giving pain meds on a regular schedule instead of when a person complains of pain is much more effective. If the meds she is prescribed now do not seem to be helping, then it's time for stronger ones. 

I may have missed it, but is home health or hospice coming in to assist?


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## chickenmommy (Aug 24, 2004)

Jenn makes a very good point about the antibiotics. You may remember that I recently had an episode with my mother. She is in advanced Alzheimer's and had a choking incident when being fed. She aspirated food, which gave her aspiration pneumonia. I am her medical surrogate and durable power of attorney. We have a DNR in place, but I had no idea that DNR includes antibiotics. Had I known that, she would be in an urn, sitting next to me at my desk right now. But since I did not know that, she is in the nursing home, only conscious in the morning because she gets so agitated that the only thing that will calm her is ativan and it knocks her out for the rest of the day. She has not known who I am for a couple years now. Her quality of life is "0". I would be agitated, too, if I were her and didn't get my chance to check out of this terrible disease because someone was too uninformed to make the correct decision for me. 
I am sure that Alma is not enjoying her current state of health. If she does have a DNR, please respect that and let her go. It is always harder on the survivor, but it is merciful for the patient. 
Don't do what I did. 
Know, when it is time, that you are giving her all your love by letting her go with dignity, in peaceful surroundings, and comfortably.
I think virtually every member of this site is saying prayers (of some sort) for strength for you, and peaceful eternity for Alma.


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## stormwalker (Oct 27, 2004)

Letting her go will be a grace to you.
She couldn't have a better caretaker.
Does she like music? It was a real boon to me when I was in dire straits.
How about ice cream? Give her anything she might enjoy.
I can tell you I heard much more than the medical staff thought.
Holding her hand and a nice pat will be welcome.
I'm sorry you have to go through this.
I know how tough it is.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

chickenmommy said:


> I am sure that Alma is not enjoying her current state of health. If she does have a DNR, please respect that and let her go. It is always harder on the survivor, but it is merciful for the patient.


There is no DNR in place. Alma and her doctor decided against it about a month ago.

if Alma wants to go I won't stand in her way. I just want to rule out any acute conditions first.


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## mightybooboo (Feb 10, 2004)

Nevada said:


> There is no DNR in place. Alma and her doctor decided against it about a month ago.
> 
> if Alma wants to go I won't stand in her way. I just want to rule out any acute conditions first.


To what end,do you believe she will recover to hit the casino's again? Isnt happening.She is shutting down.Face it,no reserves left,and getting bedsores,curling into fetal position,thats returning to the womb.....just another indication.

So you beat this infection,those bedsores will infect next,as will pneumonias,treat that,back on ventilator???? More surgeries she cant recover from because she is shutting down?She no longer has the nutritional stores to repair whats failing.And isnt going to,and when you go tube feeding then see the horror of massive diarrhea and infected bedsores,is that next?????

Keep going,this is how vegetables are created.

People are trying to explain,you arent hearing.

QUALITY of life,DIGNIFIED death,or do everything possible to extend?

You are doing the latter.You say you arent but thats all youve done so far and are still talking it.

I see you still cant say Hospice or consider it,so YOU arent ready,Alma is.She has shown you,see it.

Your choice though. Do everything.Thats what you keep saying,clutching at straws.Its over,life ends.

Yup,Im blunt.And honest and compassionate to the PATIENT first and foremost and always,when its on the job I do what you decide,here folks are telling you do whats right.And what that is,....*you* are going to create something ugly most likely if you wont let go when God is trying so hard to take her peacefully.You are only extending it into more suffering most very likely.

And every medical person,and most everyone who has ever gone through it is trying to tell you whats happening at end of life and to let go and understand its end of life dignity that is the goal now,not hours at any cost.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

She has agreed to see the doctor tomorrow. That's really all I want. The doc can listen to her lungs & heart sounds, then order a few routine tests. I'll be happy after that.

Alma was in a lot of pain an hour ago (it's raining here today), but it was too soon for another Lortab. I gave her 100 mg of tramadol instead. She just woke up and asked for buttered toast. She finished it, then drank some fruit punch.

She sleeping again.


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## wildwanderer (Mar 2, 2004)

Nevada, I don't usually post a lot. I wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and Alma. Sendng all good vibes and prayers. Take care of yourself - Thea


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## Lizza (Nov 30, 2005)

I am sorry Nevada. My Mom has worked in the hospitals for 30 years, when my FIL was dying I had her try and help me convince my MIL what was happening, that things she was worrying about didn't need to be worried about, the only thing to do was literally comfort. My MIL never did grasp it, she was still fighting with Hospice when he passed. If you haven't seen it before, it's hard to admit it is really all that can be done. 

My Mom has said repeatedly that she wants no extension of end of life care, she's seen what happens too many times in the hospital.

Hugs Nevada, it sounds like you are keeping her as comfortable as you can, nothing can compare to that.


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## Alice In TX/MO (May 10, 2002)

Nevada is doing his best. He does NOT have he power to invoke a DNR.

Bless you Nevada. Bless Alma.


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## debbydoo1966 (Jan 15, 2007)

mightybooboo said:


> To what end,do you believe she will recover to hit the casino's again? Isnt happening.She is shutting down.Face it,no reserves left,and getting bedsores,curling into fetal position,thats returning to the womb.....just another indication.
> 
> So you beat this infection,those bedsores will infect next,as will pneumonias,treat that,back on ventilator???? More surgeries she cant recover from because she is shutting down?She no longer has the nutritional stores to repair whats failing.And isnt going to,and when you go tube feeding then see the horror of massive diarrhea and infected bedsores,is that next?????
> 
> ...


^^^THIS^^^^. 

I absolutely agree with this post. I've been a CNA for over 20 yrs. I've worked in many nursing homes and have also worked many private duty cases. I've taken care of my mother (stage 4 breast cancer), my aunt (ovarian cancer), and my grandmother (breast cancer). This is what the end of life looks like.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

mightybooboo said:


> To what end,do you believe she will recover to hit the casino's again? Isnt happening.


It's not so far-fetched as you might think. It's not like she gambles, and her eating habits have always been modest. She just enjoys being rolled around downtown Las Vegas in her wheelchair to see the sights.

The thing is that we stayed at downtown hotels for about 2 months straight maybe 18 months ago. A lot of people downtown got to know her then. To this day there are Fremont Street entertainers, casino & hotel employees, and even restaurant workers who enjoy saying hello to her. It makes Alma feel special.

**Remembering a Story**

Alma used to love the pinto beans & ham special they had at Binions Cafe, downtown. One evening after the real estate auction we went there. Alma asked what the bean soup of the day was, and sure enough it was pintos & ham, with a big chunk of cornbread. That's what she wanted, for just $3.99. I ordered her pintos & ham, then ordered myself the players club special prime rib for $6.99.

When the waitress brought the food she remarked (jokingly, of course), "You ordered prime rib for yourself, then ordered beans for this poor woman?" I swear, Alma laughed until she cried.


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## Genevieve M. (Nov 14, 2006)

When my MIL took a very sharp turn for the worse, it ended up being caused by a urinary track infection. It sounds so strange, but they can cause mental and physical decline in the elderly.

On the other hand, even if you do not have Hospice involved, please read some of their literature on what to expect and how you can help with the end of life transition.

I think it will help you feel more prepared.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Alice In TX/MO said:


> Nevada is doing his best. He does NOT have he power to invoke a DNR.


Yes. I had the power to do it during one hospital stay, but not to do a general DNR. Her doctor is against it anyway. Knowing that, I won't do it again unless I hear otherwise from her doctor. Moreover, she has never needed to be resuscitated. She did need to be intubated when she had the PE, and hospice is still angry at me for that, but that's not really resuscitation.

I was pretty sure what was going on when she had the PE. I've seen it before, and I knew there was virtually no chance she could have survived without intubation. The alternative was to let her suffocate in bed. I suspect that if I would have done that there would have been pointed questions from authorities as to why I didn't call for help.


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## ajaxlucy (Jul 18, 2004)

Nevada, I wish I lived close enough to come over and sit with you both for a bit, or to sit with Alma so you could get out for a while. 

It sounds like she's sleeping so much that it's nearly impossible for her to get enough fluids and nutrition, but since she doesn't have an IV or feeding tube, there's not much you can do about that. When she's awake, is it possible to clarify with her if she wants that kind of intervention? It seems like the question will need to be addressed soon, if it hasn't been already.

Like others here, I am touched by your caring and concern for your old friend.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

ajaxlucy said:


> Nevada, I wish I lived close enough to come over and sit with you both for a bit, or to sit with Alma so you could get out for a while.
> 
> It sounds like she's sleeping so much that it's nearly impossible for her to get enough fluids and nutrition, but since she doesn't have an IV or feeding tube, there's not much you can do about that. When she's awake, is it possible to clarify with her if she wants that kind of intervention? It seems like the question will need to be addressed soon, if it hasn't been already.
> 
> Like others here, I am touched by your caring and concern for your old friend.


Interestingly, she woke-up an hour ago. She asked for hot tea, then asked for food. I microwaved two White Castle cheeseburgers. She finished them both. That makes two pieces of toast for breakfast, two more slices of toast for lunch, then two White Castle burgers for dinner. That's not bad for her.

I sat with her and cut her fingernails.

Hopefully this will hold.


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## AR Cattails (Dec 22, 2005)

Nevada said:


> Interestingly, she woke-up an hour ago. She asked for hot tea, then asked for food. I microwaved two White Castle cheeseburgers. She finished them both. That makes two pieces of toast for breakfast, two more slices of toast for lunch, then two White Castle burgers for dinner. That's not bad for her.
> 
> I sat with her and cut her fingernails.
> 
> Hopefully this will hold.



How wonderful! Asking for food is a good thing, I would think. Did she get to hear any of The Lawrence Welk show?


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

AR Cattails said:


> How wonderful! Asking for food is a good thing, I would think. Did she get to hear any of The Lawrence Welk show?


No, she missed Lawrence Welk completely.

She still awake. She reading the Sunday newspaper, or at least looking at it. Just being awake for 4 hours is a huge thing.


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## Linsay2231 (May 1, 2011)

Thinking of you (I have read your posts, although this is my first comment on them). I am sure this is really taking a toll on you and I feel some of the comments judging you are unfair and uncalled for. While they may or may not be true, the last thing you need to feel right now is judged. This could the the end for Alma, or it could be a dip and she could get better for quite some time. You are the only one here the knows Alma, so make whatever decision you deem necessary, and don't question what you feel in your heart. Good luck


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

Alma is so very lucky to have you! My heart goes out to both of you during this difficult time.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

I gave her 25 mg of Benadryl to put her out for the night. With any luck she'll wake up chipper in the morning.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

You may not know it Nevada, but I'm a huge silent cheerleader for you and how you're handling all this with Alma. You're giving her every support you can and leaving the rest up to her. It shows trust and love for life. I hope Alma keeps kicking death in the teeth as long as possible.


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## Smalltowngirl (Mar 28, 2010)

soulsurvivor said:


> You may not know it Nevada, but I'm a huge silent cheerleader for you and how you're handling all this with Alma. You're giving her every support you can and leaving the rest up to her. It shows trust and love for life. I hope Alma keeps kicking death in the teeth as long as possible.


^ +1 :goodjob:


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

soulsurvivor said:


> You may not know it Nevada, but I'm a huge silent cheerleader for you and how you're handling all this with Alma. You're giving her every support you can and leaving the rest up to her. It shows trust and love for life. I hope Alma keeps kicking death in the teeth as long as possible.


Thanks!

Alma is still looking good. She woke up asking for food. She had a lot of trouble swallowing her pills again, but ate a big breakfast. She just asked for hot tea, and it's cooling now. She looking at the newspaper.

About death, we actually talk about it jokingly. I tell her that she was up heaven when she had the pulmonary embolism, but God said "not yet".


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## acabin42 (May 11, 2002)

Nevada........ that is good news. Bless you both. Still praying for you.


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## stormwalker (Oct 27, 2004)

Wow! You are on some kind of ride!
I'm so glad she is coherent. 
That's my fear- Being here in body, but not mind!
I'm so glad she is enjoying things.
As I've said before, you are kindness itself.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

stormwalker said:


> I'm so glad she is coherent.
> That's my fear- Being here in body, but not mind!


Yes. If there was nobody home in her little head it would be very different. In that case I wouldn't really care. But she knows who she is, who I am, and is happy to be home. That's what makes it worth the effort.


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## mellba (Oct 15, 2004)

Sending good thoughts your way. Alma is so lucky to have you!


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## chickenmommy (Aug 24, 2004)

So glad she seems to be coming around. Something you need to be mindful of......you need to make sure you are taking good care of YOU also, or you won't be able to take as good care of Alma. You are amazing. Bless you and your efforts.


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## Janossy (Feb 3, 2006)

Prayers for you and your Alma.


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## country bred (Nov 11, 2005)

What a fine friend you are, Nevada. You've inspired me to try to help my friends more.


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## AR Cattails (Dec 22, 2005)

stormwalker said:


> That's my fear- Being here in body, but not mind!



Tell me about it. That's my biggest fear too. My dad, 81, is starting to go into the latter stages of alzheimers and my mom, 80, has vascular dementia and is rapidly catching up with my dad. My dad's dad had alzheimers too. I don't feel too good about my future.


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## JuliaAnn (Dec 7, 2004)

AR Cattails, the issue of being there in body but not mind.... We just went through this about three months ago with one of my grandmothers who passed away. She had Alzheimers, and it advanced very quickly. The last couple of months of her life, she no longer responded to anyone or anything. She had a stomach peg for feeding as she would not even be aware that someone had placed pureed food in her mouth--it would just slide out of her mouth. She was either awake, or asleep, and that's all. She did not track anything with her eyes, did not respond to someone touching her, and while she would react if a loud noise were made, we were told this was simply a reflex. She would not move of her own volition but had to be sat up in bed, have her arms placed at her side or in her lap... I could go on and on. 

We observed this for ourselves for about two months, and we finally came to the realization that there really *wasn't* anyone 'home'. She wasn't aware of anything, not even herself. I like to believe that she was asleep somehow, that her soul was sleeping and waiting to be released. But we realized something else too, something that wasn't terrible or frightening. We realized that she was at peace, and wasn't tormented anymore. Her torment was ungodly while she was still aware, and even while she was in the latter stages where her awareness was dimished. Her torment was the thing that was truly horrible for all of us. But when it got to the point where she was no longer aware.... it was a blessing, for her, and for us. It sounds awful for me to say it, but it's true. Maybe it was the Lord's way to help her and us to have some peace with her disease and looming death. 

Just thought I would tell what we went through. Don't know if it's helpful or not, but for us, it got to the point where there was nothing left to be afraid of. I'm so sorry you're going through it right now with your parents. It's a terrible experience.


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## SageLady (Jun 10, 2008)

Sending prayers for Alma. I've already said this, but will say it again, bless you, Nevada, for taking such good care of her.


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## fetch33 (Jan 15, 2010)

Nevada said:


> Thanks!
> 
> Alma is still looking good. She woke up asking for food. She had a lot of trouble swallowing her pills again, but ate a big breakfast. She just asked for hot tea, and it's cooling now. She looking at the newspaper.
> 
> About death, we actually talk about it jokingly. I tell her that she was up heaven when she had the pulmonary embolism, but God said "not yet".


Try putting a whole pill in a spoon of applesauce to help her get it down easier.


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## fetch33 (Jan 15, 2010)

JuliaAnn said:


> AR Cattails, the issue of being there in body but not mind.... We just went through this about three months ago with one of my grandmothers who passed away. She had Alzheimers, and it advanced very quickly. The last couple of months of her life, she no longer responded to anyone or anything. She had a stomach peg for feeding as she would not even be aware that someone had placed pureed food in her mouth--it would just slide out of her mouth. .


Just so everyone knows, your loved one does not have to submit to having a PEG tube placed or any other feeding tube for that matter. Many older docs will recommend it, but all it does is extend an already bad exhistance in many cases. I'll never forget when I went to visit my declining (multiple strokes )grandmother in the nursing home and she had a feeding tube. I asked my mother if she had authorized it and she didn't know. I was livid as it was a futile attempt at keeping a person in kidney failure who was ready to die alive. Thankfully she passed soon after. My uncle's wife was dying of lung cancer and she had a massive stroke. I was in the room when the doctor came in and said 'we'll get a feeding tube in her as soon as possible'. My uncle and I had just been discussing it and he told the doctor no. The doctor said 'well she is going to die then' and left the room. She sure was dying.. of lung cancer that was rapidly spreading. The stroke was a blessing and she died a few days later. My mother is 84 with Alzheimers and my father is 87 with severe aortic stenosis. They will be No Codes if they are hospitalized and they will not get feeding tubes. They have lived very good and long lives. What is the point of making them miserable to get a few more weeks/months of life? Dying from dehydration is not the horror that people imagine. I have seen it many times as a nurse. Not taking in fluids and food is the body's way of slowing down in preparation for dying. When you step in with extraordinary measures, the suffering goes way up.


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## sidepasser (May 10, 2002)

Nevada, I am thinking of you and Alma. From the pics you posted in the past, Alma always looked cheerful and game for anything. Perhaps she is doing the best she can to prepare you for her passing, in little steps, slowly. You are a very good friend to Alma, take care of yourself and I hope you and Alma get a lot more "good" days before her time comes to pass on.


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## SFM in KY (May 11, 2002)

Nevada, bless you for everything you are doing.

I've been there with both my grandmother and my mother so I do know only too well what you are having to deal with. I don't think there can be anything more difficult but Alma is so very fortunate to have you.


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## TheMartianChick (May 26, 2009)

I am so glad to hear that Alma is doing better, Nevada. I will continue to keep you both in my prayers. What a blessing you are to her!


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

HUGE news!

She told me that she wanted to use the toilet to go #2. She was pretty insistive about it, and I didn't have the heart to make her do it in her Depends. I got her out of bed and put her on the commode. It was productive.

I was ready to accept that she had lost all sensation for that and might be incontinent permanently. This event offers a lot of hope.


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## longshadowfarms (Nov 27, 2002)

That's fantastic news! I hope this trend continues!


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## pamda (Oct 14, 2004)

:clap: such good news! Way to go Alma!


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

The home health RN just left. She's concerned about Alma's kidney function. Her urine output is low, the urine is dark, and she has edema in her feet (her feet look like little Pillsbury Doughboys, and if you push on it with your finger the dent stays).

She also is having urine retention with the cath in place. I'll be darned if I understand that one, but 300 to 400 cc dumps are common. She even let go 1000 cc once.

Anyway, she wants Alma to be examined in the ER today. I'm getting her ready to go to UMC now.


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## fetch33 (Jan 15, 2010)

Nevada said:


> The home health RN just left. She's concerned about Alma's kidney function. Her urine output is low, the urine is dark, and she has edema in her feet (her feet look like little Pillsbury Doughboys, and if you push on it with your finger the dent stays).
> 
> She also is having urine retention with the cath in place. I'll be darned if I understand that one, but 300 to 400 cc dumps are common. She even let go 1000 cc once.
> 
> Anyway, she wants Alma to be examined in the ER today. I'm getting her ready to go to UMC now.


Catheters should be changed every 2 weeks. Also, the catheter needs to hang below the bladder. You can give the tube a little shake every now and then to make sure things are flowing. I call it 'vapor lock' when the flow stops and urine collects in the bladder.


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## sandc (Apr 26, 2010)

3-4 weeks would probably be better on the replacement of the catheter. At her age and condition changing it too often opens up the chance of infection. She probably has sediment in her bladder causing blockage causing her "dumps" of urine.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Long day at the ER. They finally decided to keep her, at least for the night. The symptoms are as I stated before; water retention in the feet & legs with low urine output. Also a little dehydration.

The doctor isn't sure why this is happening. He suggested a variety of theories.



UTI
Poor Kidney Function
CHF-like symptoms from the pulmonary embolism
Blood clots in the legs
Problem with the Foley (already placed a new one)
They will be running tests throughout the night.

The doctor said he wanted to wait for all of the test results before starting treatment. He doesn't want to start treating the edema and dehydration until he's confident that the kidneys can get rid of the extra water.

Since she's staying the night I came home to get some sleep.


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## Bearfootfarm (Jul 13, 2006)

Sorry to hear she's having more problems, but that's how these things always work out in the end.

Hang in there


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

I just called the hospital. She is still in the ER. I'll shower and head to the hospital again to see what's going on.


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## wombatcat (Mar 29, 2005)

fetch33 said:


> My mother has Alzheimer's and knows all of those things also, She has lost most of her short-term memory and can no longer cook or make decisions. Her recall of the past is pretty spot on for the most part, although sometimes there are holes in her memory lately. As a nurse, I also think Alma is going through a natural decline. There isn't always a diagnosis or treatment that is going to help that. She is probably tired of tests by now.


My mom also has Alzheimer's, and I would urge you to check out the Alzheimer's website www.alz.org they have an amazing message board for caregivers.....

But what I wanted to say was that quite often anesthesia or a hospitalization can um.... expedite and exascerbate any pre-existing dementia. So quite often, a person goes into the hospital and comes out much more confused, especially if they've had anesthesia but even if they haven't. So she may have had the very beginnings of dementia, to the point where you wouldn't even notice it in familiar surroundings, and then it got real bad with her health issues. That's what happened to my mom, we had no clue she had dementia until she was hospitalized.

So....that said....I am currently in exactly the same place with my mom. She is now (after several years of progressive worsening) very confused, sleeps sometimes 24 hours a day and refuses food often. It's painful to watch because I feel so very helpless. I will be calling hospice tomorrow, not for her, as she is in a wonderful nursing home, but for me, to provide me with the support I need to make these end of life decisions with her needs in mind and not my own.

You may also want to google the pamphlet "Hard Choices for Loving People". You can download it for free and you may find it helpful in the next few days. Even after reading that, though, my heart says "There's got to be something we can do...." even though my head knows that we are looking at the end.

You have been an angel to Alma. And you continue to be. Bless your kind and caring soul.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Nevada said:


> She is still in the ER. /QUOTE]
> 
> She is still laying in the ER after seven hours? Yeah, that would be about right - the elderly seem to be "passed off and forgotten about" and nothing is done with them until they "have time" to deal with them.
> 
> It's a good thing she has you!


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

wombatcat said:


> That's for sure! My Father-in-Law had his gallbladder out early last Spring. He was put into a nursing home for rehab for several weeks, but the doctor warned us that he would be needing 24 hour care sooner than later. We thought, well, he's still of sound mind and his wife who has the beginning of Alzheimer's is still okay and he gets around okay.
> After rehab, he was home for almost a month before we had to put him into assisted living - he kept falling and couldn't get up, and Mother-in-Law couldn't get him up.
> Almost a year later, he is now in a regular nursing home. Sleeps all the time, mutters, can't really carry on a conversation with him.
> Before the surgery, he was a regular old man. 83 years old, and sometimes said some odd things, but at that age, what do you expect? After the surgery, the confusion and odd behavior quickly worsened.
> People who haven't seen him in over a year wouldn't even recognize him!


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

The time she spends in the er has little to do with her age. Tests ordered by the er will usually be done by the er department. The fact she is still in the er means her condition is not so bad they want to admit her. 
My dh spent 18 hours in the er just a few months ago. They wanted to do a heart stress test and didn't want to admit him if there was no medical need for it.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Michael W. Smith said:


> Nevada said:
> 
> 
> > She is still in the ER. /QUOTE]
> ...


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

The preliminary diagnosis is UTI. She's getting antibiotics IV for it now.


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

This is one stubborn UTI. Hopefully they'll knock it out this time.


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## Alice In TX/MO (May 10, 2002)

Sounds like it's in her kidneys?


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Danaus29 said:


> This is one stubborn UTI. Hopefully they'll knock it out this time.


In a brief discussion with the ER doctor about the future of her UTI infections, I asked if we should arrange a urologist consult when she got out of the hospital so we could treat the UTI more aggressively. While he encouraged me to try to get a urology consult for her, he said beating the UTI would depend mostly on getting her up out of bed and walking. I'll take that advice very seriously.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Alice In TX/MO said:


> Sounds like it's in her kidneys?


Hopefully I'll be learning more about that over the next few days in the hospital.


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## stormwalker (Oct 27, 2004)

More yogurt! More cranberry!
I finally got my neighbor to stick with it. It's been a couple of years since she had any problems. She used to be the poster child for UTIs.
I hope you are taking care of yourself.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

I spent the evening with her, until midnight. She is confused and agitated. I suspect she's not accustomed to taking morphine instead of Lortab. She's NPO until they give her the swallowing test in the morning.

Although it's a county hospital, she's still in a private room. In her agitated state they don't want to leave her alone. They have a CNA sitting with her 24/7.

I really didn't learn anything new about her condition because no doctor stopped in to see her this evening. The nursing staff is still learning about what they did with Alma in the ER. However, her urine is a lot clearer and seems to be flowing out at a more normal rate.

I'll get some sleep now and try again in the morning.


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## pamda (Oct 14, 2004)

Morphine will make people very confused and it could be part of the confusion and agitation is because she doen't want to be there and feels like she is not taken seriously and can't get vocalize what she wants.


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## stormwalker (Oct 27, 2004)

pamda said:


> Morphine will make people very confused and it could be part of the confusion and agitation is because she doen't want to be there and feels like she is not taken seriously and can't get vocalize what she wants.


You aren't kidding- Morphine nightmares are bad!!! I pulled my NG tube, and had my hands on my port line when I woke up!
It was horrific to me, I had to call the nurse and have her put that tube down me again!! It was one of the hardest things I've had to do.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Alma is really zonked again today, but I'm not sure why. I can't recall ever seeing her look this bad. They are watching her closely. I sat with her almost all day and she was very nearly unresponsive the entire time.

Nurses are going about their duties business as usual, but I don't mind telling you that I'm concerned about her this time.


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## naturelover (Jun 6, 2006)

She's dying Nevada. Just go with the flow and let it be.

I wish Alma a peaceful and speedy passing.

.


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## Bearfootfarm (Jul 13, 2006)

> I'm not sure why


Morphine is why

Listen to Naturelover

She's pretty smart when she's not talking politics


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Bearfootfarm said:


> Morphine is why


I don't think so. The last morphine was given maybe 10 am, which was 9 hours before I left the hospital. It shouldn't have lasted that long.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

naturelover said:


> She's dying Nevada. Just go with the flow and let it be.
> 
> I wish Alma a peaceful and speedy passing.
> 
> .


She could be. If she goes I also hope is it peaceful. But I can't lose hope for her now. I'm fully committed to this until the end.


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## naturelover (Jun 6, 2006)

Nevada, please don't take this the wrong way but I think Alma is beyond hope of recovery such as you hope for, so don't hold on to trying to extend her life further. All the signs are there that she's on her way out, her vital functions are shutting down and the morphine is only to make her feel more comfortable in her passing. I think others here who have seen this before will also recognize that she is failing now. She's an old lady with a proud spirit who has fought long and hard with your help to continue on but while her spirit may still be strong her body is shutting down on her. The death process can be agitating in cases such as hers so that's why the morphine is her best friend now to give her ease, next to your own committment to her. 

The best you can do for Alma is to accept that she is failing rapidly now and you need to prepare to let her go, now is the time that you are doing her death watch for her. She needs you to be there for that, as witness to her passing, whether it's in a few more days or only a few hours away, and for the comfort of her best friend's presence - don't think for a moment that she won't be aware of you beside her, she is aware of you.

I wish you strength and peace in the hours and days ahead, and peace and comfort to Alma in her passage.

.


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## Alice In TX/MO (May 10, 2002)

Nature Lover said it all.

May you and Alma find peace in your own ways.


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## randy11acres (Aug 29, 2009)

May God grant both of you peace and comfort.


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## goatlady (May 31, 2002)

Nevada, you day "But I can't lose hope for her now. I'm fully committed to this until the end." Fully committed to what? Making her stay in a painful, shutting down body; stay in a world she no longer can enjoy? Please, guy, verbally give her your blessing/permission to leave and begin her next adventure. Loving someone really means letting THEM make their choices and supporting those choices regardless of your own personal feelings. Just keep telling her you love her and and that it is okay for her to move on as she chooses.


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## pamda (Oct 14, 2004)

Nevada said:


> I don't think so. The last morphine was given maybe 10 am, which was 9 hours before I left the hospital. It shouldn't have lasted that long.


 No, she's old and frail and meds do strange things to the brain of someone that ill. It could still be in her body and she is having trouble getting rid of it. Please kiss her for me and tell her she is loved by so many all around the world now and we wish her well.


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## pamda (Oct 14, 2004)

Nevada said:


> She could be. If she goes I also hope is it peaceful. But I can't lose hope for her now. I'm fully committed to this until the end.


 Why is her passing losing hope? It's a great adventure and maybe she is ready for it. I do not want to live past my usefulness, and maybe she feels the same. Can't walk, hurts, worn out body and tired mind. Please lay your head near hers and whisper your permission to go on to the next great thing. You are not giving up you are giving love. You dear man are a great lesson for the people of this world, someone whole loves openly and completely. But are you looking forward for yourself also?


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## bridget (May 10, 2002)

Take it each hour at a time.

Hope you both find peace.

I'm working in assisted living while I'm in school and have a pretty good idea of what you are facing.

Never give up your hope dude.


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## arabian knight (Dec 19, 2005)

naturelover said:


> Nevada, please don't take this the wrong way but I think Alma is beyond hope of recovery such as you hope for, so don't hold on to trying to extend her life further. All the signs are there that she's on her way out, her vital functions are shutting down and the morphine is only to make her feel more comfortable in her passing. I think others here who have seen this before will also recognize that she is failing now. She's an old lady with a proud spirit who has fought long and hard with your help to continue on but while her spirit may still be strong her body is shutting down on her. The death process can be agitating in cases such as hers so that's why the morphine is her best friend now to give her ease, next to your own committment to her.
> 
> The best you can do for Alma is to accept that she is failing rapidly now and you need to prepare to let her go, now is the time that you are doing her death watch for her. She needs you to be there for that, as witness to her passing, whether it's in a few more days or only a few hours away, and for the comfort of her best friend's presence - don't think for a moment that she won't be aware of you beside her, she is aware of you.
> 
> ...


I agree, her time is getting shorter each day, let her go in peace, she deserves it. Had a good long life.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

arabian knight said:


> I agree, her time is getting shorter each day, let her go in peace, she deserves it. Had a good long life.


There's nothing I can do to stand in the way of death (I wish I could). If it happens, it happens. I can only make plans to care for her if she survives, so I have to work under the assumption that she's going to make it.

I'm heading to the hospital now.


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## Alice In TX/MO (May 10, 2002)

Nevada is actually an angel, walking (and posting) among us. What serenity!


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## Jolly (Jan 8, 2004)

You do what you can do, after that, it's God's Will.

Prayers for Alma...


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## mamita (May 19, 2008)

Nevada, I simply adore you. as does Alma. I send you both prayers. what a blessing you have always been to her, and I just admire you..respect you..and adore you for it.


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## JuliaAnn (Dec 7, 2004)

I've witnessed two passings in the past 5 years where the person passed within 24 hours of loved ones telling them it's ok to go on to heaven. Alma will be entering into a new life, to wonders we here on earth can't begin to comprehend. I hope she is comfortable, and that the Lord's will be done for her either for life or for her departure.

Bless you both.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Alice In TX/MO said:


> Nevada is actually an angel, walking (and posting) among us. What serenity!


Just a guy doing what has to be done.

Alma is better today. She's awake now and was able to eat some solid food for breakfast. I waited for the doctor all morning but he didn't show.

** Edited to Add**
I just got a call from the hospital. They want to insert a PICC line. I suspect this means since she has woken up she's getting the "bums rush" by the hospital, most likely in reaction to insurance company pressure. I'm on my way back to sign a consent for the PICC line insertion procedure.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Okay, the PICC Line is in place and I talked to the doctor. All tests except UTI were negative. He discharged her with orders to have IV antibiotics at home. The home nursing pharmacy will be delivering the injectibles later tonight, and a nurse is supposed to show-up in the morning to start IV therapy.

Alma is happy to be home. At her request, I stopped to get a milkshake again on the way back from the hospital (large strawberry this time). She finished the entire thing already.


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## Bearfootfarm (Jul 13, 2006)

Glad she's back home and has a good appetite.

You're doing a good job


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## AR Cattails (Dec 22, 2005)

I'm glad she's back home again.

I know a lot of people are saying that she is trying to tell you to let her go. And I can understand that because sometimes it seems that way to me too. But when you talk about her wanting a milkshake, or talking about how she wants to eat or wants to watch the Lawrence Welk show, it seems like she does have a zest for life yet and not ready to go.

You are doing a great job Nevada.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Okay, here's the deal. She's going to need 3 IV infusions of 500 mg meropenem each day for 14 days. A home care nurse is supposed to show-up this morning to give the first dose. Since Alma will need it every 8 hours I strongly suspect that I'll be giving it to her most of the time. That's what happened with the rocephin IV, and that was only once a day.

The home care pharmacy delivered a bunch of stuff last night around midnight. Mostly it was an IV pole, saline syringes, and of course the drug itself, attached to little saline bags. There is other stuff too, but mainly those things.

They only included 15 doses of meropenem, but she'll be needing 42 doses. I don't know what's up with that for sure, but I suppose I'll need to be calling them when I run low.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

AR Cattails said:


> talking about how she wants to eat or wants to watch the Lawrence Welk show, it seems like she does have a zest for life yet and not ready to go.


Oh wow! So much has been going on I almost forgot that it's Lawrence Welk day. Thanks for reminding me.


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

When I am old and unable to care for myself I pray I have someone like you to keep me from dying just because of a stupid stubborn UTI! 

The nurse will probably bring more supplies and antibiotic with her when she comes. But call them just in case when she gets down to 6 doses. This is one thing Alma definitely needs and it can't be neglected or pushed back because "oh we're sorry, we don't have any in stock".


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## tlrnnp67 (Nov 5, 2006)

Try to get at least a couple of servings of active-culture yogurt into her every day or a good probiotic so she doesn't get a yeast infection due to the meropenem knocking out all of the good natural bacteria and leaving no competition so the yeast takes over.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Danaus29 said:


> The nurse will probably bring more supplies and antibiotic with her when she comes. But call them just in case when she gets down to 6 doses. This is one thing Alma definitely needs and it can't be neglected or pushed back because "oh we're sorry, we don't have any in stock".


The nurse is on the way. My suspicions about doing the IV therapy myself were correct, since she said she was coming over to "train" me.

I'll ask about the meds, but I'm as sure as I can be that the homecare pharmacy will be taking care of that. I'll call them when she has two days worth left.

**Edited to Add**
While I had a reasonable amount of exposure to IV therapy as a firefighter, most family members caring for an elderly patient have no exposure at all. Does it disturb anyone else that they show family members how to do IV therapy with just a quick training session? I know that they want to save money, but I'm wondering if doing this ever creates a problem.


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## kasilofhome (Feb 10, 2005)

I went thru with this with my mom in her final weeks. Drugs changed and my mom was fading. We knew it and accepted it. I was blessed that my mom called me as planned. Yes, she was going but she felt that she had time of enough good health to give peace and accepting to the facts of life. Got to laugh and cry with her till living was to painful for her. Nev. I have lurked on your thread till now. 

As mom weakned the number of pills per script lower. 
!. meds changed every few days by dose and type so by limited the amount sent less was wasted.
2. Within minutes of her death all drugs were destroy by the hospite nurse/couns. This prevents them from getting into the wroung hands. We knew what was up all along. Our family started, owned and operated one of the largest inhome health care business. I am just mentioning that not to brag but to inform you that I do have a back groung with the end of life issues. I will keep both you in my preys.


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

I got all of 3 minutes of training on how to clean the suction/drainage bottle & tube when dh was sent home after his first appendix surgery (the first was just to clean out the infection). They gave me written instructions too. But there are people who will be so freaked out by the whole thing that they just don't understand the instructions. I don't know what happens in that situation.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Wow! Neither Medicare nor Alma's HMO cover the air mattress that her doctor prescribed for her bed sore. I just got the first month's rental bill; $93.37. Man, that sure puts a hole in her pocket!

Buying a new one is out of the question, since they are around $700.

I went on Craigslist and found a used one for $90. I just got back from picking it up. Feels like I made a pretty big score.


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## Alice In TX/MO (May 10, 2002)

We've been through lots of medical training, too. It's a bit ironic that they won't tell family stuff because of the HIPA agreement, but they'll give someone 15 minutes of training and you're good to go.

Hubby was on peritoneal dialysis for five and a half years. That was done at home.

Grandson got a lot of his IV cancer treatment at home.

On the other hand, when I was in the hospital after having a kidney removed, they let the auto pump for the pain meds RUN OUT in the middle of the night. Sigh.

She's much better off at home with you running things.


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## sharplady (May 20, 2011)

While it is very scary IV therapy is relatively simple. Clean those ports before you access them. This is a must. Flush them well. When you think you have flushed them enough flush them again. It is better to flush a little bit to much than to have that catheter clot off. Just follow the directions for the meds and you will be golden. 

Good luck! I know that Alma is much happier to be home and I am glad that you are able to do this for her instead of her having to go to a SNF to get her meds!


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

sharplady said:


> While it is very scary IV therapy is relatively simple. Clean those ports before you access them. This is a must. Flush them well.


I just did it alone. Wasn't that difficult. I didn't have any problem cleaning & flushing the ports. I was more concerned with mixing the drug with saline, spiking the bag, and priming the tubing. It turned out to be pretty straight-forward.


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## stormwalker (Oct 27, 2004)

I sure would rather have you administering I.V.s than some temp nurse who plops the line back in right after you told her you pulled the line out, it was on the floor and it was sitting in a drinking cup. 
Yup! it happened to me!
Alma is so lucky to have you!
P.S. Spike the next milkshake with yogurt! It doesn't take much to seed her gut with all those good bugs.
Yes, I know I'm a bit of a Johnny-one note!


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

stormwalker said:


> I sure would rather have you administering I.V.s than some temp nurse who plops the line back in right after you told her you pulled the line out, it was on the floor and it was sitting in a drinking cup.
> Yup! it happened to me!
> Alma is so lucky to have you!
> P.S. Spike the next milkshake with yogurt! It doesn't take much to seed her gut with all those good bugs.
> Yes, I know I'm a bit of a Johnny-one note!


I've got some yogurt in the fridge, and I'll get more at the store today.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

it surely is a good thing she's got you Nevada to give her such good care at home. i did all that for my first husband. my second had to have a heart operation. i went in while this young nurse was yanking on his tube and him yelling. she never looked to see what it was attatched to just kept yanking. pretty nearly tore off his testicles which it was wrapped around. he never had good care at all in their. i got him out as fast as i could. ~Georgia.


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## stormwalker (Oct 27, 2004)

Nevada said:


> I've got some yogurt in the fridge, and I'll get more at the store today.


Thanks!
Can she eat bananas? You could make her a smoothie. Great nutrition!
Are you eating enough. yourself?


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## Tricky Grama (Oct 7, 2006)

Read all 5 pages to catch up, being gone all month.

NV, I think you know more than anyone else if it's Alma's 'time' or not. I really think you'll know when to hug her &  whisper "it's ok to let go". 
The way she's been having 'bad' times & then a complete change for the better tells me that possibly its really not 'time'.
I'm one of the 1st to say let go when its time. But when there's underlying conditions as to why an episode is happening, then treatment is needed.

Hang in there. Prayers & good thoughts.

Patty


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Alma has been asleep for pretty much the entire 2 days she's been home from the hospital. She just sat up in bed and said, "I must have dozed-off and taken a nap."

:stars:

I just agreed with her. I'm happy to see her awake again. Dealing with the infection must be exhausting.


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## Bearfootfarm (Jul 13, 2006)

Is she still on the Morphine?


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Bearfootfarm said:


> Is she still on the Morphine?


No, she's back on Lortab again.


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## Ruby (May 10, 2002)

Lortab will make you sleepy. It use to me, now I can't take it at all. I had a bad reaction to it when I had my foot surgery and spent 2 nights in the hospital.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Ruby said:


> Lortab will make you sleepy. It use to me, now I can't take it at all. I had a bad reaction to it when I had my foot surgery and spent 2 nights in the hospital.


Yes, it sure can. But she normally takes 100 or so Lortab each month. She's accustomed to it.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I sleep lots when I'm fighting off an infection. I have trouble with kidneys all the time due to the heart issues and the medications. I can't speak for Alma but I can certainly identify with some of the things you're mentioning here. If she's like me she can wake up from a long sleep and feel really good. 

There's no recipe for dying. Good for you Nevada. You understand and support Alma. She's a lucky woman.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Nevada said:


> Wow! Neither Medicare nor Alma's HMO cover the air mattress that her doctor prescribed for her bed sore. I just got the first month's rental bill; $93.37. Man, that sure puts a hole in her pocket!
> 
> Buying a new one is out of the question, since they are around $700.
> 
> I went on Craigslist and found a used one for $90. I just got back from picking it up. Feels like I made a pretty big score.


They're coming to get their $93.37/month mattress tomorrow. They probably won't prorate the rental fee, so I expect to get charged for the entire month, but the sooner it's gone the happier I'll be.


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## Allen W (Aug 2, 2008)

Nevada 

Sorry to hear Alma is having a bad time.


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## nanadeb (Dec 30, 2010)

Still praying for you and Alma


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

I think we had what might be called a nursing emergency last night. Alma seemed to be suffering from an impacted bowel. When I realized that was her problem I gave her 100 mg of Doc-Q-Lace, but of course that was too little too late.

What happened was that she asked to go to the toilet three times within maybe an hour. I got her out of bed and put her on the commode, but she was unproductive each time. After the third attempt I noticed that feces was protruding out about 1" as I was about to replace her Depends. I gloved-up. I removed what was protruding, plus three scoops of hard feces (there was actually quite a lot). After removing the third scoop her rectum closed tight, so I didn't go after any more.

I think I did what had to be done. I didn't see any choice but to go in after it. I'm sorry for being such a dope, but my emergency training didn't cover this. Is that the procedure; just glove-up and pull it out?


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## Bearfootfarm (Jul 13, 2006)

> Is that the procedure; just glove-up and pull it out?


Pretty much.

The sedatives will cause that, and a stool softener will help if she drinks enough liqiuds


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Bearfootfarm said:


> Pretty much.
> 
> The sedatives will cause that, and a stool softener will help if she drinks enough liqiuds


I'll give her another Doc-Q-Lace tonight, but I don't want to over do it. We tried every day, but after 4 or 5 days it was a mess.


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## sharplady (May 20, 2011)

The Lortab can cause this. Many who have chronic pain experience this as a side effect of the narcotics used to control their pain. If what you removed does not solve the problem you will need to get on top of this quickly. Impacted bowels ARE an emergency. Is her abdomen soft or hard? (Hard is not good) Is her abdomen distended? (Distended is not good) Is she complaining of nausea or is she vomiting? (If she is then that is not good) 

Not trying to scare you just make you aware of some things to keep on eye on.

Mag Citrate is good for getting things moving again as is soap suds enema. Castile soap is used not just any old soap. 

It sounds like you are on top of things it is just one more thing to keep an eye on! Tell Alma that she (and you) are in out prayers.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

sharplady said:


> mpacted bowels ARE an emergency. Is her abdomen soft or hard? (Hard is not good) Is her abdomen distended? (Distended is not good) Is she complaining of nausea or is she vomiting? (If she is then that is not good)
> 
> Not trying to scare you just make you aware of some things to keep on eye on.


The home health RN will be here in an hour or so. I already told her about it. Alma will be examined today.


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## lenii (Dec 31, 2005)

noone puts all of the intimate things about my medical care on a discussion site for the world to read.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

lenii said:


> noone puts all of the intimate things about my medical care on a discussion site for the world to read.


I didn't used to, but I have grown to rely on advice in CF. This situation has developed far beyond vanity.

I first mentioned this sort of thing when she became incontinent. That is such a critical symptom for someone her age that it seemed important to mention. Then when she started asking to use the toilet again it seemed important to mention again. I was somewhat beside myself last night dealing with the impacted bowel, I really wanted some feedback on it this morning.


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## Alice In TX/MO (May 10, 2002)

Nevada and Alma are part of the family here. It's like when my grandson had cancer. Folks here are a blessing.


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## stormwalker (Oct 27, 2004)

lenii said:


> noone puts all of the intimate things about my medical care on a discussion site for the world to read.


I don't see anything intimate being exposed here!
Nevada is explaining medical problems.
Nevada, you are the best!


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## AR Cattails (Dec 22, 2005)

I think a lot of others, like myself, have now grown close to the situation and come here almost first thing everyday to see if there are any updates to how Alma is doing. 

Although I disagree with Nevada about 100% on politics (lol), I greatly admire how devoted he is to Alma and I wish them both the best of health.


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## acabin42 (May 11, 2002)

Nevada, I would like to say that no matter what needs to be said about Alma's condition to get the help you need, do it. Just as Alice said, you and Alma are family and didn't think anything about it. We are all praying for you both.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

yeah, that's about it Nevada. my husband had this problem from the drugs he was taking. i gave him enemas etc. but nothing worked. he was so impacted.i was all alone in the worst storm. and had to do something so i pulled on the glove and went to work. took awhile a person has to be careful. got him all straightened out though. we do what we have to do for our loved ones. ~Georgia.


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## kasilofhome (Feb 10, 2005)

Nev. is being Wise --he is aware that the medical fact are vital to get information. If any one is shocked or offended by the factual information he is giving out avoid the thread. No, one is acting as a dr. but rather being supportive in a trying time when time is so important. Anyone reading this thread just might make a difference for the good. I would want that.


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## Tricky Grama (Oct 7, 2006)

Sometimes a quick note on HT will give you not only answers but courage & faith as well.
Not many 'homesteaders' would be upset w/bodily functions, I'd guess. Plus, no one knows Alma, hardly think we're all gonna sit next to her at the movies & recognizer her anytime soon.

It was a fair thing to note, however. Anyone who feels like their privacy would be violated should let their family know.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

lenii said:


> noone puts all of the intimate things about my medical care on a discussion site for the world to read.


lenii, I'm not sure how old you are, I'm only 44, but I know my "modesty" level has dropped quite a bit from what it used to be. I highly doubt a 90 some year old woman is going to care one whit of what is discussed. (By the time most people are in their 80's or 90's, they could care less if they let their "hoo ha" hang out! And they care even less what YOU think!)

And as has been said, Alma's been having problems since at least June. I know I usually look to see as soon as I log on what is going on.

No matter what your "view" is - if she is ready to die - or letting Nevada do all he can for her - like it or not she is part of the Homesteading Today "family" - much like Nevada is. (We might not always agree on something, but hey . . . . . . . . . . who DOES?!?)

Like it or not, Alma has won her way into our hearts - and all of us our hoping for the best . . . . . . . . but also realize that at her age, the "odds" are not in her favor. But we can't give up all hope either.

You gotta admit - Nevada has stuck by her. I hope Nevada and Alma are having a good evening out in Nevada today!


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## TnMtngirl (Jun 30, 2002)

When you get that age modesty is not a problem,had to help the ER nurse try to catherize my mom saturday night.The nurse asked if it would be a problem with me,no I have to bathe her all the time.You do what you have to do when you need to get it done.Prayers for you NV & Alma.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Hey, the medical air mattress I got at craigslist is working great!

The delivery guy took the $93/month mattress away, then I put the craigslist mattress on her bed. It fits perfectly, and the electric pump filled it in maybe 30 minutes. I don't know how to test the alternating functions, but there are two sides to the pump that filled all of the rows so I'll trust that it works. She says it's comfortable.

It's also a comfort to know that the $93/month hole in Alma's pocket is plugged. She needs it, with the copays she's facing for her recent hospital stays.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Michael W. Smith said:


> lenii, I'm not sure how old you are, I'm only 44, but I know my "modesty" level has dropped quite a bit from what it used to be. I highly doubt a 90 some year old woman is going to care one whit of what is discussed. (By the time most people are in their 80's or 90's, they could care less if they let their "hoo ha" hang out! And they care even less what YOU think!)
> 
> And as has been said, Alma's been having problems since at least June. I know I usually look to see as soon as I log on what is going on.
> 
> ...


You're right about the lack of modesty thing after we get to a certain age!

I don't give a fat rat's rear who see what or hears what!

I'm just happy it's working.


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## HermitJohn (May 10, 2002)

There is nobody posting pics of Alma or any other way to identify her. The discussion is just about a hypothetical elderly person with specific symptoms far as I am concerned. Nothing to get excited about privacy-wise. 

I think its great Nevada is looking out for Alma. Otherwise she would have been warehoused in one of those for profit prison camps for elderly that smell of stale urine. And most likely already be dead by now.

Just think about getting old with no family to look after your interests. You are totally screwed. Writing is on the wall that my day to experience such is coming. I have no family left that knows me except an aunt and uncle that are in their 90s in another state. Obviously they arent going to be able to help me. Matter of fact I am having some medical issues right now and it royally sucks to be ill and feeling horrible and thinking is rather fuzzy, yet I have to try and be on top of everything and watch purse strings like a hawk amid the greed based health care that America has. Somebody elderly like Alma and in that kind condition wouldnt have a chance fending for herself. America has the greatest health care system in the world.... as long as you are healthy or wealthy!


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## Mickey (Aug 28, 2002)

Sorry, but I have to disagree about the age and modesty thing. My 83 year old dad was very embarrassed when he was in the hospital and the nurses didn't keep him covered when working on him. And my 87 year old mil is still very modest as well. So am I. I'm 61 and have no intentions of exposing my "hoo-ha" to anyone. LOL
I do agree however that nobody here is ever likely to see Alma or Nevada so I don't see the problem with his coming here for advice and support.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

lenii said:


> noone puts all of the intimate things about my medical care on a discussion site for the world to read.


I only hope that if I need this kind of care that someone with the love and compassion of Nevada will take care of me!!


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## HermitJohn (May 10, 2002)

TnMtngirl said:


> When you get that age modesty is not a problem,had to help the ER nurse try to catherize my mom saturday night.The nurse asked if it would be a problem with me,no I have to bathe her all the time.You do what you have to do when you need to get it done.Prayers for you NV & Alma.


Yep, they wiped your bottom when you were a baby and helpless. Better than even chance you will get to return the favor when they are elderly and helpless. You do what you have to do and try not to think too much about it.


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## lenii (Dec 31, 2005)

DH who is 87, with alzheimers. Believe me, I know all about it. But I would never dream of putting his bowel movements on the board. Let them have some dignity. As she has a nurse, I don't think one needs to go any farther than talk to her about treatment. I admire his caring, tho.


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## Immaculate Sublimity (Apr 30, 2003)

Well, chances are your husbands bowel movements posted cold turkey on any board would be met with a chilled reception... but since we've been following this all along and its not the fisrt time Nevada has asked if his instinct was correct - we have compassion and help him with our experiences. 

Instead of jumping this like others do to someone else who posts too much information -bringing a holier-than-thou negativity to the entire thread... you could always opt to - not read it.

Fact is - we discuss bowel movements or lack there of about our pets and seek advice on how to fix the problem. Whats different -truthfully. 

Alma and Almas friends are not likely reading this, and even if we knew Nevadas last name, it wouldnt be Almas last name to 'stalk her in the future'. Its not going to prevent her from gaining meaningful employment, of have her judged unfairly while trying to join the military.

By the way, if you asked for confidence-support and information with your husband who has alzheimers, I'm certain that many here could provide experienced support, without accusing you of violating HIPPA agreements or anything.

Just Sayin'......


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## lenii (Dec 31, 2005)

and read.

I don't really want to read about digging out feces on Homesteading today. I know we post about alot of things, but what comes next?? I don't want to read how someone is dying and all of the details..just saying, and I won't read anymore. I am not trying to be mean, but this is just weird, jusy saying.


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## Immaculate Sublimity (Apr 30, 2003)

I'll have to re-read the post again, but as I recall it, its not like he detailed it step by step in gory graphic detail... He explained the situation and did what he felt needed to be done. He asked if he did the right thing and was responded to by those that have been there and done that. 

What comes next you ask? I'll answer this in HUMOR - 

I found out a while back that I was born NAKED - and since then I've made it a point of remaining naked under my clothes at ALL times... no matter what I'm wearing I'm naked under it. Why I'll just bet that it becomes the next new trend. its so liberating to finally admit it!


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

lenii said:


> I don't really want to read about digging out feces on Homesteading today. I know we post about alot of things, but what comes next?? I don't want to read how someone is dying and all of the details..just saying, and I won't read anymore. I am not trying to be mean, but this is just weird, jusy saying.


I am sorry your husband has alzheimers and everything you must go through.

I think when someone is going through something, they try to read everything on the subject too - but one thing I've found is most information lists the basic information. It doesn't get into the details of what may happen next, what to look for, etc.

I also realize that everybody is different, and you might have 10 different people with the same problem - and each of them will go through something different than the other.

But, if loved ones of each of those 10 respond to someone on a thread asking "What can I expect next?", while the poster might get 10 different answers, chances are one of those answers is going to be what happens.

I went through this when my father was dying of brain and lung cancer, and anyplace I read didn't answer the questions I had. I simply was looking for information on what I could expect next to happen.


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## arabian knight (Dec 19, 2005)

lenii said:


> and read.
> 
> I don't really want to read about digging out feces on Homesteading today. I know we post about alot of things, but what comes next?? I don't want to read how someone is dying and all of the details..just saying, and I won't read anymore. I am not trying to be mean, but this is just weird, just saying.


Ya that went beyond just reporting how Alma is doing. Way Beyond. 
As I was reading it eating that did not make it very tasteful at all. We are after all talking about a human being Not An Animal having problems.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

lenii said:


> and read.
> 
> I don't really want to read about digging out feces on Homesteading today. I know we post about alot of things, but what comes next?? I don't want to read how someone is dying and all of the details..just saying, and I won't read anymore. I am not trying to be mean, but this is just weird, jusy saying.


I may be rude, but why are you reading it then!?

Go to a different thread if it bothers you!


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

i've been called weird a time or 2 but i see nothing wrong with this thread and i hope it dont get locked down. most likely many here will be in the same situation as Nevada in years to come. i've been the sole caregiver now 5 times . i've gone through most everything now but i wish i had had something like this when i was caring for my first husband. i had to more or less experiment. ~Georgia.


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

If you think it has TMI then don't read it. 

I have been following the Alma thread since Nevada started it and am always anxious to hear updates, good, bad or whatever. I didn't know certain medications could cause such problems as impacted bowels (which I do know is NOT a good thing). Nevada asked if what he did was right. People who have BTDT responded. Nuff said. It's not like he posted a whole step-by-step tutorial complete with pictures. People have asked about babies being constipated and got answers and no one had a hissy fit about it. As for asking the nurse about it, when the poor woman is in pain and the "nurse will be there tomorrow" don't you think Nevada should do what needs to be done to make her feel better? He has asked for guidance with this all along and has got a lot of good information and advice.


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## ajaxlucy (Jul 18, 2004)

A lot of old-fashioned nursing care is rather distasteful. If you're a nurse, discussions about illness and bodily functions is part of the routine, but regular folks can find such talk very unwelcome, even if they're not sitting down to eat. 

I don't think anything that Nevada posted crosses the line into impropriety and I'm glad that this forum is here to offer him support, advice, and reassurance. I believe that, at this point, anything that helps him helps Alma as well. 

That said, maybe a new thread could be started with the warning that there may be medical information too detailed for the squeamish among the readers here.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Now I understand why my ears have been burning all day. 

I just made an appointment with her regular doctor. I'll be running all this past her tomorrow.

Alma seems to be responding to the antibiotic. She still sleeps a lot, but her appetite is returning and she's a lot more alert when she's awake. I'm starting the bed exercises, just by having her do simple repetitive leg movements.


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## kasilofhome (Feb 10, 2005)

Check with someone you know to be qualified but I believe that lack of movement with someone confined to bed and meds can effect the bowel. so the leg movements might be of help in many way.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

kasilofhome said:


> Check with someone you know to be qualified but I believe that lack of movement with someone confined to bed and meds can effect the bowel. so the leg movements might be of help in many way.


I'm sure you are correct. I'll do everything I can to get her moving.


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## bridget (May 10, 2002)

I did my clinicals in a nursing home's dementia unit.

I am an emergency room volunteer at a level one trauma center in Minneapolis.

I'll never be squeamish again.:teehee:


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

I, for one, appreciate all of Nevada's posts. He is dealing with reality and reaching out for advice. Some of us will face this with a loved one at some point. Thank-you Nevada for keeping us informed.


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## JuliaAnn (Dec 7, 2004)

Bridget, you made me laugh, in a good way. I've taken my turns at being primary caregiver, and I worked a job that involved reproductive research, and I fail to be squicked out by much of anything anymore. 

Back to the topic... my grandmother is in a nursing home and has very limited movement. She can get out of bed into her wheelchair and stand up for about a minute, maybe less, on her own. She has had repeated bowel problems, and we were told that digestive problems can indeed be exacerbated when the patient isn't very ambulatory. Dr. says eating fibrous fruit is good, and she loves it, so we try to see she eats at least a couple servings of it a day.


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## mamita (May 19, 2008)

I don't think people should post just anything anywhere, but how wonderful the internet is for Nevada. he knows most here, and when you feel isolated and unsure, it sure is nice to post questions where you know many nurses will read and help calm your nerves. nobody knows Alma, but many here can really help. prayers continue, Nevada!


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## fetch33 (Jan 15, 2010)

Tossing in my support for Nevada! As a nurse, I have gotten very use to doing intimate things to/for strangers. It is the human condition and there is no way around it. If you don't want to read it, just click a new thread. You have great compassion Nevada and I am sure you will look back on this part of your life as possibly one of the greatest things you've done. I took care of my 46 year old sister-in-law in her last weeks of life. It was stressful and sad, but done out of love and probably the most important thing I have done besides the birth of my children.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

fetch33 said:


> Tossing in my support for Nevada! As a nurse, I have gotten very use to doing intimate things to/for strangers. It is the human condition and there is no way around it. If you don't want to read it, just click a new thread. You have great compassion Nevada and I am sure you will look back on this part of your life as possibly one of the greatest things you've done. I took care of my 46 year old sister-in-law in her last weeks of life. It was stressful and sad, but done out of love and probably the most important thing I have done besides the birth of my children.


Oh, I never belittle the importance of Alma's survival, even if it's only giving her a few months.

I'll be taking her to the doctor in about 2 hours. We'll be discussing her hospital stay and course of treatment.

One thing that disturbs me, yet doesn't seem to disturb anyone else, is that Alma always curls up to the left when she is in bed. She's never straight and never to the right, always to the left. I suspect that it is somehow related to the recent subdural hematoma & CVA, which are both in the right hemisphere. I suppose it could also be at least partially the result of other conditions, such as staying off her tailbone bed sore.

It seems to be worse as a function of how well she feels. The worse she feels the more to the left she is, and sometimes even curls up into a tight ball, resembling a fetal position. It creates a practical problem when she tries to eat and drink sideways, and resists my attempts to straighten her up at meal times and when I give her pills. It concerned me so much that I took a photo of her this morning in her normal bed position to show the doctor today. I'll be interested to hear her thoughts.


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## fetch33 (Jan 15, 2010)

Nevada said:


> One thing that disturbs me, yet doesn't seem to disturb anyone else, is that Alma always curls up to the left when she is in bed. She's never straight and never to the right, always to the left. I suspect that it is somehow related to the recent subdural hematoma & CVA, which are both in the right hemisphere. I suppose it could also be at least partially the result of other conditions, such as staying off her tailbone bed sore.


This is very common for someone in Alma's situation to prefer one side over the other. Just watch out for her left hip as it can get a bedsore too. You might have to physically prop her to the right with pillows to give her left hip some relief.


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## mamita (May 19, 2008)

right brain injury can cause left side reaction. I suspect you are correct in the right hemisphere problems being the cause. Nevada...somebody asked already...but are YOU taking care of YOU also? I sure hope so. (((HUGS)))


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## stormwalker (Oct 27, 2004)

arabian knight said:


> Ya that went beyond just reporting how Alma is doing. Way Beyond.
> As I was reading it eating that did not make it very tasteful at all. We are after all talking about a human being Not An Animal having problems.


I have to tell you -WE ARE ANIMALS!
Part of the reason I'm so helpful to my biped friends comes from my experience with my four-footed friends.
The last time I looked we were on Homesteading Today, not Urban I Don't Want to Get My Hands Dirty!!!


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## jlrbhjmnc (May 2, 2010)

A thought about lying on the left - could her CVA have left her with vertigo if she lies on her right?? I am totally ignorant about subdural hematoma and CVA but the thought just came to me.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

mamita said:


> Nevada...somebody asked already...but are YOU taking care of YOU also? I sure hope so. (((HUGS)))


I'm fine. It's just difficult for me to concentrate on work right now. Maybe I'll feel better after talking to the doctor.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

fetch33 said:


> This is very common for someone in Alma's situation to prefer one side over the other. Just watch out for her left hip as it can get a bedsore too. You might have to physically prop her to the right with pillows to give her left hip some relief.


Interesting you brought up the left hip. In the past she's avoided the left hip because of the partial hip replacement (hemiarthorplasty). Suddenly she doesn't mind being on her left hip, and even seems to prefer it.


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## stormwalker (Oct 27, 2004)

Is her blood pressure low?


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

stormwalker said:


> Is her blood pressure low?


I haven't checked her BP today, but it's been normal the past few weeks.

This is going to be an interesting doctor visit. She got emotional earlier this morning (somewhat combative, like "don't touch me" when I tried to give her morning pills), so I slipped her 15 mg of temazepam maybe an hour ago. She may sleep through the appointment.


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## BethW (May 3, 2007)

I'm not squeamish about poop or much else anymore.

What does make me squeamish about is this poor woman's dignity. Asking for help and advice of this kind on HT makes perfect sense. But I'm guessing a lady like Alma would be most humiliated to have her bowel movements discussed, and having that most recent (and so sad) picture of her out in public.

NV, you're doing a kind thing, no doubt about it. But I also think there's a balance between getting necessary information/support and protecting this woman's privacy. If the dirty details need to be discussed, why not leave the identifying details out?

If Alma wouldn't be comfortable sharing this information under normal circumstances, it seems to be only fair to protect what dignity she has left now and keep her anonymous.


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## stormwalker (Oct 27, 2004)

Nevada said:


> I haven't checked her BP today, but it's been normal the past few weeks.
> .


That's good! In the back of my pea brain I have this thought that they make you lay on your left when you're extremely hypertensive.
I was worried her blood pressure might be low and be a concern with continued low oxygen levels in her brain.


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## lenii (Dec 31, 2005)

BethW said:


> I'm not squeamish about poop or much else anymore.
> 
> What does make me squeamish about is this poor woman's dignity. Asking for help and advice of this kind on HT makes perfect sense. But I'm guessing a lady like Alma would be most humiliated to have her bowel movements discussed, and having that most recent (and so sad) picture of her out in public.
> 
> ...


Now this sad picture is being posted(her laying up against a brick wall)..Is this necessary? This poor old woman. Leave her go in Peace, and call hospice. Thank God, someone agrees with me. So inhumane.


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

Alma looks so much like my Granny! I hope with all my heart this dear lady got a good report at the doctor's office today. You are a precious man to care for her so deeply Nevada.


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## mamita (May 19, 2008)

BethW said:


> I'm not squeamish about poop or much else anymore.
> 
> What does make me squeamish about is this poor woman's dignity. Asking for help and advice of this kind on HT makes perfect sense. But I'm guessing a lady like Alma would be most humiliated to have her bowel movements discussed, and having that most recent (and so sad) picture of her out in public.
> 
> ...



she is anonymous, as is Nevada. those are not real names, just two people out there that many here care about. he not only protects her dignity, he tries harder than most anyone I know to help a person he loves. no 'dirty detail' about that. as mentioned prior, if you can't bear some things, don't read the thread. it's that easy for you. he was specific to get direct advise to his actions knowing many nurses here are helping. you can't ask if you did ok without giving the details. sorry some think it's so 'dirty'.


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

Alma and I have something in common, hip problems. My bad hip is my right and for some reason it feels better when I lay on my right side. 

My dh gets an upset stomach if he eats before laying down. He sleeps on his left a lot when his stomach is upset.

But it is something that should be checked by her doctor.

Does her back hurt if she lays on it flat? Spending a lot of time in bed can mess your back up real fast. And there could be a blood flow problem. When you check her bp do both arms. IIRC you mentioned before that her reading was quite different from one to the other. Do you know how to give a gentle massage to the sciatic nerve area? It might help her if you can do that. Very gently though. A proper massage can help so much with circulation and pain.


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## BethW (May 3, 2007)

Not much anonymous about having your photo posted online. Without your consent no less.


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

You haven't been reading close enough. Nevada has told her about this thread. She even smiled in one pic he took for us.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

So, would someone PLEASE tell me....why on God's green earth do they have those humongus overstuffed pillows in hospital beds? Then they stuff the pillow under your head so your chin is touching your chest and say, "Comfy now"?

Hades no! Why do you think the pillow keeps getting tossed on the floor? Or that I shove it over to the side of the bed?


Uh...Nevada...wanna try a smaller pillow? Just a thought.

Mon


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## Dandish (Feb 8, 2007)

BethW said:


> Not much anonymous about having your photo posted online. Without your consent no less.


If you are offended, quit coming into this thread. Might need to double check your facts, too.

Hoping the doctor visit goes well, Nevada. Let us know.


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## Countrygent51 (Jul 30, 2011)

This is not much different than "reality tv" which is so popular these days. Not my cup of tea but I guess people have the right to do it


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

frogmammy said:


> Uh...Nevada...wanna try a smaller pillow? Just a thought.


I guess I could, but that's the pillow she's used for years. Maybe I could lower the head of the bed some though.

Just got back from seeing the doctor. Taking Alma whacked-out on temazepam was like dragging a 100 pound Raggedy Ann doll along with me. I told the doctor, "I'm afraid this is my fault." Then I explained why I gave her the temazepam. She said that was fine, since at least she knows what her reaction to 15 mg of temazepam is now. The examination went fine.

On the leaning to the left issue, she wants her to have a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia. She says people with pneumonia do that sometimes.

Anyway, she's back in bed and just had another IV dose of meropenem.


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

Old pillows get lumpy and uncomfortable. I have to change mine every couple years or I get horrid headaches. Even the new ones get tossed on the floor occasionally. Time for a new pillow and let her choose which she prefers.


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## Ruby (May 10, 2002)

lenii said:


> Now this sad picture is being posted(her laying up against a brick wall)..Is this necessary? This poor old woman. Leave her go in Peace, and call hospice. Thank God, someone agrees with me. So inhumane.


I could have sworn several posts back you said you were not going to read any more of this thread. Yet here you are ack still putting down the man who is trying to make life more comfortable for this lady he has cared for so long. I just hope someone cares that much for me when I get in that shape.

I just think you enjoy putting people down.


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## Alice In TX/MO (May 10, 2002)

Nevada, both my mother (who passed at age 84) and I (now 55) have sinus issues that result in tenderness on the right side of the head if we lie on that side. 

(That sentence was grammatically doomed from the start.)


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## rean (Nov 18, 2008)

Bless her heart, and your's too!


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## farmergirl (Aug 2, 2005)

Still reading and following along with Alma's care.
Keep up the good work, friend!


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## Countrygent51 (Jul 30, 2011)

Agreed. Been there, done that, my heart goes out to you.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

lenii said:


> Now this sad picture is being posted(her laying up against a brick wall)..Is this necessary?


Does the brick really look that bad? :ashamed:

What you are seeing is 8 inch thick concrete block. All of the exterior walls in our home are brick, inside & out. Our home was built in the 1950s, and concrete block was indigenous building material for the Las Vegas area at that time (we have a limestone quarry & cement plant north of town on Apex Summit). It's no longer economical to pay skilled masons to build homes out of concrete block (2x4 construction with stucco exterior is a lot less expensive), but the cement used in slabs & stucco is still indigenous, as is the concrete used to build high-rise hotels on the Las Vegas Strip.

In the first place, if you've ever read the book _"Three Little Pigs"_ then you know how important having a brick house is. Second, we are very proud of our home, since we own it outright and live here rent & mortgage free. Third, brick construction is entirely appropriate for the Las Vegas area, since 8 inch thick concrete walls offer enormous thermal mass, similar to early adobe construction. Finally, we discussed plastering the interior walls smooth to hide the brick when we were renovating the house, but Alma thought the brick look gave the place character.


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## AR Cattails (Dec 22, 2005)

My family and I use to live in a concrete block house. We lived there 10 years. Those walls would be ice cold in the winter. But I loved living there. Some of the best memories of my marriage and raising my children.


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

Your walls look better than the ones in my other house. They aren't painted. 

You know, I've never put anyone on ignore but I am considering one person.


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## Tiempo (May 22, 2008)

lenii said:


> Now this sad picture is being posted(her laying up against a brick wall)..Is this necessary? This poor old woman. Leave her go in Peace, and call hospice. Thank God, someone agrees with me. So inhumane.


Lenii, I recall you once being rather angry with me for pointing out that you were being judgmental in a post you made.

Your response was something along the lines of, "sheesh, I was just looking for advice and support"

Nevada is looking for advice and support at a very difficult time, being candid about the situation is necessary imo to get relevant advice that can help Alma.

Also, I'm thinking a nicely painted brick wall would be lovely and cool in a Las Vegas summer.

ETA In NYC "exposed brick" pushes the rent up quite a bit


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Tiempo said:


> ETA In NYC "exposed brick" pushes the rent up quite a bit


Wow! Sounds like Alma was right.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Maybe I zoomed in on her too much. Here is another photo backed-up a little that I took just two minutes ago, showing more of the room. You can see that her dresser top is full of stuff, but maybe the windows with hunter green miniblinds makes her room look less like a prison cell.


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## farmergirl (Aug 2, 2005)

Looks a whole heckuva lot better than a room in a nursing home! 

Ignore the naysayers, Nevada. Just keep on keeping on like you've been doing.
You are showing what true friends do for one another and reminding all of us how important it is to take care of those of us in need.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

farmergirl said:


> Ignore the naysayers, Nevada. Just keep on keeping on like you've been doing.


I had a feeling like I needed to defend myself, as if I was keeping Alma in a prison cell or something. In the first photo I was trying to show Alma the way she looked to me. I guess I didn't think how the background of the photo might look like, since I was concentrating on Alma. In truth, and to lenii's defense, I suppose the first photo does look like a Bogey-era prison cell wall.


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## naturelover (Jun 6, 2006)

Nevada, I had been going to ask if Alma likes stuffed toys and then suggest you get her some if she didn't have any but upon seeing that picture I needn't do so. 

I'm glad to see she has the stuffed toy on the bed within her reach. Over the years this is something that I have noticed many old people who are dying find to be very comforting - the closer death approaches the more the soft cozy stuffed toys become an aid to them to hold close to them. They like to squeeze and stroke the ones that are softest and plushest, I think the tactile sensation of softness against their hands and face and the squeezability of the toys is something that brings them much comfort and reassurance. Now, whenever I am attending on old people who are dying I always bring them soft toys or recommend their families provide them with such, very rarely do the patients turn away from or refuse the stuffed toys to cling to.

.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Yes, she loves her beige dog. There is also a small chihuahua somewhere on the bed.

She wants a real dog (a sheltie). She also asks me about the cat, but she hasn't had a cat for 15 years. I'm considering live pets.


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## naturelover (Jun 6, 2006)

Nevada said:


> Yes, she loves her beige dog. There is also a small chihuahua somewhere on the bed.
> 
> She wants a real dog (a sheltie). She also asks me about the cat, but she hasn't had a cat for 15 years. I'm considering live pets.


If there's a major improvement in Alma's health in the future then a small pet might be a nice thing to boost her spirits but I think that's something you should hold off on for now. With the state of her health being so fragile the way it is right now ..... I would strongly recommend against it at this time. 

It's not the same thing as a soft inanimate thing that can be squeezed tightly and there is a risk of a new, unbonded live animal in the house complicating things, creating distracting anxieties and further health and sanitary risks in a myriad of ways. If she's as susceptible to pneumonia as you say she is and needs the oxygen to help her breathe then the last thing she needs to be breathing in is pet dander and hair. 

If she wants a sheltie then for now get her one, but make it a non-allergenic, soft, plush and very squeezable stuffed toy that looks realistic as possible and can be within hands reach 24/7.

.


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## lenii (Dec 31, 2005)

I guess I *am*sounding judgemental..

I have been putting myself in Alma's place. I am a private person and would be mortified if my picture was posted and I was so ill. I can't believe others wouldn't feel the same...I hurt for her, reminds me of my Mom. Like one wrote...."it is like a reality show and not my cup of tea". I know, I shouldn't be reading then, but like I said, I feel for Alma.I guess I was curious to know if anyone else felt like I do.


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## Alice In TX/MO (May 10, 2002)

No, because we know that Nevada shares our love and concerns with Alma. She understands we are helping.

Not everyone is a private person like you. Some are more gregarious.

Respect of both kinds of personality is a good thing.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Doggone! I absolutely HATE it when I can't think of the name of something!

Nevada, there's an orginization (actually, two of them. I think) that takes dogs to hospitals, nursing homes, etc...to visit with the patients. They are VERY good dogs that are well trained and pass many tests so they can become therapy dogs.

Perhaps there's one of these organizations near you and just MAYBE they would have someone with a Sheltie who could come visit Alma. They don't charge anything and are very nice people. Maybe a search for "therapy dogs" in your area would turn up something.

Mon


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## wolfwalkerpa (May 24, 2007)

Nevada...Keep up the good work. I was in your shoes a year ago with my wife. All i can say is do what your think is best for alma. Please take care of your self .God bless


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

frogmammy said:


> Doggone! I absolutely HATE it when I can't think of the name of something!
> 
> Nevada, there's an orginization (actually, two of them. I think) that takes dogs to hospitals, nursing homes, etc...to visit with the patients. They are VERY good dogs that are well trained and pass many tests so they can become therapy dogs.
> 
> ...


I know they are around, since I've seen Alma have a visit from them in rehab. No doubt about it, she responds favorably to interacting with a live dog. I don't know if they do home visits though.


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## Elsbet (Apr 2, 2009)

Nevada, keep on keeping on. Alma seems to be in very, very good hands. Yours.
The first picture did look a bit "prison cell" heh, but medical equipment and a hospital bed does that to a room, really fast. You have to make the room bare and accessible for efficiency in caring for that person.
I also want to add that message board topics like this (on another subject) probably saved my life, and saved my kids years of pain and discomfort. The help and advice you are asking for and receiving here may be helping others you'd never dream of, too.


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## dragonfly65 (Sep 29, 2002)

lenii said:


> I guess I *am*sounding judgemental..
> 
> I have been putting myself in Alma's place. I am a private person and would be mortified if my picture was posted and I was so ill. I can't believe others wouldn't feel the same...I hurt for her, reminds me of my Mom. Like one wrote...."it is like a reality show and not my cup of tea". I know, I shouldn't be reading then, but like I said, I feel for Alma.I guess I was curious to know if anyone else felt like I do.


By the time you get to the place where Alma is, you will probably not care as much. She has been through a lot with her medical condition - probably for a good many years. After a while, it's not a big deal anymore. 

I am the PCA for our 25 year old disabled son. He has MD and can't even move his arms by himself. There is a lot of his care that IS undignified - but necessary. It doesn't bother him one bit to have even strangers help him with the restroom or give him a shower, dress him, dig snot out of his nose, give enemas, etc. He just excepts it as a part of his daily life. Just thinking about someone else having to wipe my rear when I use the restroom makes me uncomfortable, but I know there may come a day when that will be my reality.

The things that occasionally do bother my son is not being able to get his body to do the fun things that he would like to do, relying on me to take him places and not being able to get in a car and drive a girl out on a date.

Taking care of someone like Alma is physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting - but can be immensely rewarding at the same time. It does help a lot to be able to share with others and ask for advice or just to talk a situation "out loud" to others.

There has been nothing I have read on here that was in any way demeaning to Alma. I think Nevada is doing a wonderful job that most people are unwilling or unable to do. She is getting MUCH better care there than in an understaffed nursing home with seriously underpaid employees stretched way to thin and some that really don't even care about the quality of care they give residents. She is in good hands.


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## mamita (May 19, 2008)

I sure agree as to the nursing home or even hospice. overworked employees that may care a great deal, but just can't be every where. it's so sad that when I see a person dedicating their life to helping someone they love, no matter how 'dirty', it warms my heart and gives me hope for the world. my mom's hospice nurse was a lovely lady, but I'm sad to say she timed her visit so that she could watch 'the Young and the Restless' at my mom's house. sure..she did check how much morphine we had, and that was it. people who care, care for their loved ones themselves. and they ask for help where they can get it, cause it's a lonely...lonely process. even when that help isn't pretty, and I'm so happy Nevada receives so much help from people here. Alma wouldn't feel horrified. she'd feel proud that she had a person that 'put it out there for HELP'.


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## stormwalker (Oct 27, 2004)

Get her a cat!
Also, do you play music all the time for her?
When I was in dire straits, music was a great comfort.
Even after the Docs said I was going to die, I was still me in there!


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

oh yeah, my husband loved his music. i had his tapes playing for him all day long right up to the last hour. ~Georgia.


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