# Post Baseless Lies About The Person Who Posted Above You



## clovis

This should be a fun game to play on this forum.

Playing along is simple and easy. Just make up baseless lies (and use your imagination) about the person above you.

Since I'm first, here's an example:

Clovis is a huge fan of Sarah Palin, and screams like a pre-teen girl whenever she appears on TV. He also drives a pastel pink Toyota convertible with a vanity plate that reads "Princess".

Fire away everyone...and remember, this is for fun.


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## Bruenor

Ohh....I'll play.

Clovis is really the long lost son of Nixon, and is running for mayor of Remote, Oregon.


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## DaleK

Can't see THIS going downhill at all.

Clovis was the original metrosexual, and bases his life on the tenets of the original Beverley Hills, 90210, particularly Jason Priestley


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## Goat Servant

Clovis really has another name, something to do with real feet not cloven hooves or clover.
Just because he drives a pink Toyota & gets all excited about Sarah Palin doesnt mean he doesnt have a serious side.
He watches Deadliest Catch & cries like a baby when the pots come up short.
Then he writes the Fisheries Dept accusing them of emptying pots before the boats can pick them up when in reality he is a member of Greenpeace & thats what he does in his spare time and cries because its his own guilt. But he doesnt see it that way you see he is setting crab free free free!!
No wonder those crustaceons have a premium price tag!


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## clovis

DaleK salvaged what he could from his Enron stock fortune and invested in AIG last summer.


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## clovis

Ummm...all the baseless lies weren't supposed to be about me, but the person that posted above you.

Sorry for the confusion!!!


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## Minelson

I'll try to keep this on track...DaleK is a City Slicker wanna be who spends most of his time tanning in a tanning bed and shaving his legs.


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## clovis

^^^^Actually invented the Chia Pet


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## Bruenor

Minelson has the largest collection of mint condition AMC Gremlins in the United States. Each one has a pair of pink fuzzy dice.


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## clovis

Bruenor still wears leisure suits, and thinks they are cool


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## Bruenor

After a brief gig as an Elvis impersonator 1987, clovis went back to his old career as a Big Foot chaser.


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## clovis

Hears the Water is actually deaf and can't hear anything at all.


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## rean

rose2005 is a peeping tom, that's how she's knows Clovis wears nothing under his kilt.


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## clovis

rose2005 is actually a Soviet spy working for the KGB.


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## Bruenor

Once the star acrobat in the traveling Zambinnii circus family, after a tragic accident rose2005 is now reduced to selling peanuts and cotton candy to support her comic book collecting habit.


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## SpaceCadet12364

Bruenor's day job is being an international underwear model, specializing in thongs. :sing:


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## rean

at one time, Bruenor was a wrestling star for the WWF


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## Bruenor

Rean was my sparring partner and coach in the WWF.


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## clovis

Bruenor is the person that got Michael Vick into dog fighting.


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## rean

clovis is really from Roswell, he arrived around July of 1947.


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## Bruenor

Clovis is the tailor that made Lewinsky's dress.


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## clovis

Bruenor was the live model when I made the Lewinsky dress.


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## bluemoonluck

Bruenor is really Elvis, alive and hiding from all his fans, because he lost his voice and can't sing anymore...couldn't handle the jeers from once adoring fans


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## Bruenor

bluemoonluck was the original Teletubbie.


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## clovis

Bruenor is the real parent of Michael Jackson's children and is now in a custody battle with the Jackson family.


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## PNP Katahdins

Bluemoonluck moved to Utah because she is really in the Federal Witness Protection Program. Not very good at keeping a low profile because of all the mobsters hanging out on HT.

Peg


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## brody

Peg is named Peg cause she has a wooden leg from when she fought an alligator in the outback of Australia and lost


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## DamnearaFarm

That's actually a picture of PnP Katahdins in the avatar spot. Sad (is it REALLY?) result of a *visit* to Roswell back in the sixties. Of course it's a talking, typing alien dog. Didn't the qualifier under the pic clue you in? Antennas AND sheep? hmmm


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## clovis

RamblinRoseRanc was scheduled to headline the original Woodstock concert, but passed out from drinking moonshine and woke up after missing the entire weekend.


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## clovis

Rose2005's motto used to be:

Hate everything you do, and do everything you hate.......life is about regrets!!!!!


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## Annie

Rose sold them the moonshine, from her own still, so she could sing with Janis Joplin.


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## Wonderland

Annie is secretly an Alien, sent to earth to steal the secret ingredient in Busch's' Baked Beans.


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## Annie

Wonderland is really the Busch's talking pet dog, that's going to tell me the secret.


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## Goat Servant

Wonderland was banished from there for selling drugs to Alice. Years later collected royalties from the song White Rabbit.


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## Wonderland

(haha, nice!)

Goat Servant actually makes her goats serve her, and she calls all of them "Jeeves."


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## clovis

Remember the pop song titled "Your Body is a Wonderland"? Yep, you guessed it right, the song was written about Wonderland by John Mayer. Those two had a relationship that lasted more than a decade.


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## Ravenlost

clovis is a compulsive liar and plays games in a feeble attempt to hide his compulsion from his bestest friends.


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## jill.costello

Ravenlost was a goth raver in the 90's and blew out too many braincells and has been meandering aimlessly through life ever since.


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## Jerngen

jill.costello is Hillary Clinton's alter personality. It's her way of keeping grounded with the "common people". The avatar is an obvious attempt at throwing people of her tracks. 
She's still trying to decide if she should be mad at clovis on the previous page for making such an ugly dress for Monica to seduce her husband in. Surely she could of worn something slightly more attractive!! Perhaps a red spaghetti strap dress?


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## Narshalla

Jerngen wants to dye her hair blue, but she can't because she is bald.


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## salmonslayer

Brody's claim to fame is making a Canadian Flames Hockey uniform of Fortrel Polyester with a 15% Dacron twill...eh?


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## glazed

Salmon Slayer really slays dragons ... just didn't want to be a braggart.


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## EDDIE BUCK

Asked by a tv news reporter is it true that you Mama Crow,knows where Obamas long form BC is? Finishing off a cold can of Bushes Baked Beans,she looked him square in the eyes and said Yep,but I ain't talking.


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## Ohio dreamer

Eddie made a fortune selling sea monkey, unfortunately many of those sea monkey got elected to public office. So in the long run all this financial trouble is Eddie's fault!


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## stickinthemud

Eddie Buck is really John Doe.


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## Ravenlost

stickinthemud is actually the actress who played Cindy on The Brady Bunch.


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## glazed

stickinthemud said:


> Eddie Buck is really John Doe.


Aw, man, don't be such a stick-in-the-mud.


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## stickinthemud

Mama Crow is actually being run out of Abilene because she hired a crew to paint her house Teletubby purple but they went to the wrong address and painted the Mayor's house instead.


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## glazed

OFF-TOPIC!!!!!!!!! TIME OUT!!!!!!!!!!

(LMAO, Cindy ... my husband is a housepainter ... did you know that before you made that hilarious post?!?!?)


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## stickinthemud

Gee, I don't think I knew, but I have such a spotty memory maybe something was said that triggered it--I sure hope you're not really being run out of town (Are you painting your house purple?)


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## glazed

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: 

(No ma'am ... but the mayor really IS one of our customers!!!! .... Seriously. But he likes *turquoise*. ) 

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:


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## Ohio dreamer

Stickinthemud and Mama Crow are identical twins born on different days in different places but share one mind. (How else would SITM know about MC's DH??)


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## Bruenor

Ohio dreamer really lives in Kansas, and is more of a realist than a dreamer.


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## HappyPanda71

Bruenor is the president for the Jonas Brothers Fan CLub, enjoys disco dancing and bedazzling socks.:walk:


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## chickenmommy

HappyPanda71 can be found on Times Square playing a guitar and wearing a cowboy hat. AKA the naked cowboy.


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## Lilandra

chickenmommy doesn't have any chicken babies - she breeds and trains cats to terrorize Oggie


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## clovis

Lilandra routinely buys 40 pounds of sugar at Walmart using food stamps.


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## Lilandra

clovis said:


> Lilandra routinely buys 40 pounds of sugar at Walmart using food stamps.


shhh..... that's classified information, no one was supposed to know about that... now I am going to have to find another mega market to buy fuel for my time machine
:grit:


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## bloogrssgrl

clovis has Jimmy Hoffa's body in his freezer hidden under some seemingly random boxes of Hot Pockets.


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## clovis

Bloogrssgrl was arrested at the 1975 running of the Indianapolis 500 for streaking down the front straight away of the race track.


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## Bret

clovis said:


> Bloogrssgrl was arrested at the 1975 running of the Indianapolis 500 for streaking down the front straight away of the race track.


...with clothes on.


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## Guest

Bret was filmed running down an antelope as a purported 65 miles per hour. Barefooted. uphill. in the snow.


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## Mike in Ohio

Zong was filmed eating raw antelope.


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## Annie

Mike is secretly an agent for the FDA and arrested Zong for eating raw meat. He has the film to prove it.


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## ihedrick

Annie ratted out Zong for eating the raw meat and then helped Mike process the film.


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## Annie

Iris use to be a belly dancer, until her hip gave out....


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## Mike in Ohio

Annie got her gun and joined a wild west show


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## DaniR1968

Annie got her gun and joined Mike in Ohio's wild west show where Mike in Ohio wears a bubble gum pink cowboy hat and has sparklies on his guns.


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## mnn2501

MikeInOhio's name is not Mike nor is he in Ohio, but he's on the run from the Feds after an unfortunate incident involving an undisclosed zoo animal and a city bus


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## Oggie

The only reason mnn2501 knows any of this is because he was also involved in said incident. He used to be mnn2500 and ratted out MikeInOhio to the Feds.

The Feds put him in the witness protection program (because we all know how MikeInOhio can be), changed his name to mnn2501 and moved him to Texas.

Mnn2500 was a rabid Oklahoma Sooner fan and the Feds figured that Texas would be the last place place would look. So, the belt sanded off all his Sooner Boomer tattoos (the one of the chesty cheerleader incorporating his ample bottom took some time) and shipped him off south of the Red River.

................................


Oh, and you folks forgot about ihedrick, who once actually did stop thinking and had to get a jump start from his dog.


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## Tracy Rimmer

The only reason Oggie goes on and on about the evil of cats is to distract everyone from his real fetish: photos of international soccer stars dressed in drag.

The distraction technique has worked up til now, but after an unfortunate incident with the Beckham family where the LA police had to get involved, he's been outed. It'll be hitting the news Tuesday. The Enquirer is planning a full front page story.


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## Ohio dreamer

Tracy Rimmer may claim to be a homeschooling mom from Manitoba Canada but really she's a retired show girl from Vegas that lives in a Mc-Mansion in Jupiter, Florida. She's never see a snow flake in her life!


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## chickenmommy

Tracy Rimmer and Oggie are planning a soccer stars in drag fashion show where each model will be carrying a color coded cat taken from my collection of evilness that I keep specifically to terrorize Oggie. He seems to be under the false impression that if he includes them in the show, they will lose some of their evil powers. He's wrong. They're breeding more evil as I type.


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## salmonslayer

For some strange reason Ohio Dreamer actually dreams of Michigan and is in therapy over an out of control fixation on Bing Cherries


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## chickenmommy

Salmonslayer was jealous when he heard Ohio Dreamer say "I can see Michigan from my front porch".


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## rean

chickenmommy carries her fertilized chicken eggs in her bra.


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## EDDIE BUCK

rean would but its just room for her in hershope you ain't a him!


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## rean

Eddie added Buck to his name because he dreams of big antlers.


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## Annie

Rean moved to Ohio to join us in the wild west show and is now throwing coins in the air for Mike to shoot.


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## EDDIE BUCK

Anne once came in first place in a Mae West look alike contest.Her and Mae had a couple of things in common.


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## Narshalla

Eddie's Avatar? That's actually a photo of Eddie's mother!


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## Lilandra

narshalla is being controlled by a cat and is spying on oggie

eddie buck is actually wc fields and wishes "mae west" would come over and see him some time :cowboy:


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## Annie

Eddie sits on his porch with his home made potato gun and shoots at squirrels for supper. PITA has a warrant out for him.


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## Tracy Rimmer

Annie is actually a PETA plant, and is collecting information on all of us.


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## Tracy Rimmer

Rose is actually Paris Hilton doing in depth research for a possible return of the tv show "the simple life".


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## rean

Rose, actually hopes to manage Eddie, by taking his singing/bathing show to Vegas.


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## Annie

Lilandra yearns to move to NC, so Eddie can sing Elvis songs to her....while he's in the bathtub.


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## bloogrssgrl

Annie grew up in an orphanage and doesn't have any pupils.


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## rean

bloogrs real nickname is booger.


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## Guest

Rean plans to move to Kentucky and open a possum farm. She(he?) thinks that eventually Kentucky Fried Possum will solve all the world's problems. Is not aware of the other ten thousand possum farms in Kentucky.


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## clovis

The movie Cheech and Chong was a true story based on Zong's life and was first titled as Cheech and Zong.


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## Kris in MI

clovis is really a bored teenage girl who spends all her time on the computer impersonating a mature, wise man.


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## Ravenlost

On full moons kris sneaks out in flannel jammies to sing Tiny Tim songs while dancing in the back yard.


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## PNP Katahdins

Clovis once got an award for creative, um, "thinking" about his friends. It was in a fantasy writing class.

Peg


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## Mike in Ohio

Kris has to dance in the yard because Ravenlost picked every tulip in the tulip patch.


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## Guest

Mike once worked for a huge genetics company, where he spent 11 billion dollars trying to cross a Llama, an alligator, and a mule to produce a llalliule.


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## Tracy Rimmer

Zong is the result of that cross.


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## Common Tator

Tracy Rimmer's name is really Racy Trimmer, and she makes her living by trimming bangs and hedges, with a pair of toenail clippers.


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## joseph97297

Common Tator ain't really common, nor a Tator, more of a Rare Asparagus...........never saying much.....


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## Guest

joseph97297 changed his name from joseph97298 to escape the mafia because he witnessed a bubble gum machine robbery.


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## AR Cattails

Zong sparkles.


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## Oggie

I know what AR did with what remained of the cats.

And it's not pretty.


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## Zipporah

Oggie is really a cat burglar who dresses in a cat costume while breaking into art museums to steal painting of cats. :benice:


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## Guest

Oggie's real name is Noggiewog.
too fast for me.
Ziporrah is an 18 year bored beautiful billionairess


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## Bret

Zippora wishes that today was Monday to avoid the weekend.


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## Goat Servant

And Zong can't sing a zong.


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## clovis

Goat Sevant created the phrase "Goat. The other white meat."

Too bad it was stolen by the Pork Council.


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## Bruenor

Clovis is the leader of the Star Wars Reenactment Society, and plays the part of Chewbacca at the national conference.


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## Guest

Everyone wondered why Bruenor kept eating flies. Ma Bruenor put them all at rest, though. "He has a frog in his throat" Ma explained.


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## glazed

Zong is really a bong ... that sings.


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## Tracy Rimmer

Zong wrote a song, _Zong, Zong Blue_.... as a tribute to his Scottish ancestry.

Unfortunately, Neil Diamond got hold of it, and the rest is history.

TOO FAST!!

Mama Crow likes to brag about her kids.


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## Bruenor

Tracy once shot a man in Reno ... just to watch him die.


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## Ravenlost

The movie "Bruno" starring Sacha Cohen Baron is actually based on the true life story of Bruenor.


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## Bruenor

Ravenlost used to be called Vultuerfound, but had to change the name due to a copyright infringement lawsuit by a goth rock band of the same name.


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## Annie

Bruenor got over his insatiable fly cravings and is now eating crickets....ma is worried.


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## Guest

Bruenor was acknowledged as a pioneer of rock and roll. He had an opportunity to join the Beatles in the early 60's, but turned it down to start a group called Stark Naked and the Car Thieves. They're biggest hit, "Nice Legs, Shame about the Face" never made the top ten thousand, but Bruenor never regretted the decision he made. 
He was once described as "smarter than a truckload of Einsteins" by Einstein himself.


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## Annie

Zong has been having trouble sleeping at night, so he listens to Les Brown and his band of Renown to lull him to sleep


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## mnn2501

Annie once had the lead in the musical of the same name but was boo'd off stage when she started singing "Yesterday" instead of 
"Tomorrow"


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## farmmom

Mnn2501 was dressed as her dog, and drug of stage by the collar as Annie ran off stage


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## Megabeth

farm mom lives in a high rise in the city and thinks that farming is a sign of mental distress.


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## Guest

Megabeth won over 200 million dollars in Las Vegas and donated it all to the "save the mosquitoes" foundation. As you can tell, her contribution made the difference.


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## Ravenlost

zong is actually a meek little old lady who lives in a tiny NYC highrise apartment with her 42 cats and 28 yapping poodles.


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## Annie

Ravenlost had to give up her dream of moving to Canada....with her southern drawl, eh? kept coming out as hey!, and they ran her out of the country.


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## 1/4acre

Annie gave up a career as a high wire act in the circus to marry the strong man and raise ostrich for pets.


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## farmmom

1/4acre was the strongman until he got chased down by said ostriches.


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## Narshalla

Farmmom is afraid of dirt!


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## chickenmommy

Narshalla used to be the star of a burlesque show entitled "I've got your cat, now give me your Oggie" but age and gravity took it's toll and now she just designs the costumes for the new act titled "take these darn cats and get Oggie out of those pantyhose".


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## the mama

Narshalla dislikes all vegetables and only pretends to garden. Oggie works part-time at the pet groomers....he paints cat claws pastel shades. Rose and Deacon Jim are retired Interpol agents. Chickenmommy is allergic to feathers.


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## Guest

the mama's first name actually is "The" pronounced "Th" not "Thee" She can read over 8,000 words per minute. Out loud.


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## glazed

Zong was on the Gong Show.


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## rean

Not only is Mama Crow second, but is consistently third as well.


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## Narshalla

Rean thinks his name is a type of precipitation!


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## Grandmotherbear

Narshalla is really a government official from Nigeria, and wants to move 1.5 million dollars in Nigerian slush funds to your bank account. Please send her your name, SS number, bank account names, numbers and passwords, and $10,000 as a gesture of good faith.


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## Guest

Grandmotherbear once threw a refrigerator filled with condiments across the road on a $2 bet.


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## 1/4acre

Zong is a singer of out of tune zongs


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## Megabeth

1/4 acre is really a half.


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## Narshalla

Meagbeth is the girl who cried wolf.


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## farmmom

Megabeth was actually Macbeth on stage, but forgot her lines when she tried to wash of that d___ spot, and so was released.


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## Guest

farmmom knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who's ex-wife's cousin can get you a real good deal on socks.


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## clovis

Zong likes to buy stocks at full price...no options for this guy....and hold them til they go belly up.

He put his entire retirement, and then borrowed on margin to buy as much Enron stock as he could.


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## farmmom

Clovis is Zong's financial advisor


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## clovis

farmmom is a farm mom because she cannot find a job these days. She is known world wide for her marketing decision to phase out Coca Cola and introduce new Coke.


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## Guest

farmmom devised Enron's business model. Cost me every last nickel I had and now she says 5 Hail Mary's and sends me a fruitcake every Christmas. Clovis refuses to accept any responsibility and only laughs when I explain that the 150 bucks I put into Enron was all I had.


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## clovis

Zong is the only person I know that actually eats fruitcake, and enjoys it. He says it tastes better after it has sat in someone's closet for a few years. He even invested the rest of his money in a company that makes fruitcakes.


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## Annie

In 1975, Clovis tried to sell 500 fruitcakes in the "Snake Pit" at the Indy 500. Alas, his venture failed....not enough alcohol in the cake. But he did get to see Bloogssrgrl streak...with her clothes on.


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## glazed

Annie fills up senses like a night in the forest.


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## Joshie

I heard that Mama Crow doesn't like children or hand milled soap. I heard she does risque dancing for a living. :banana02:


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## clovis

Joshie once won an award on another forum for having the cutest type fonts, even though no one else used them, and most folks can't read them very well.


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## Joshie

Remember the movie about the Bubble boy? That was Clovis.


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## soulsurvivor

Joshie is the fruitcake baker for the monastery that sells the fruitcakes. Booming business because Joshie's vision is out of kilter and she always mixes up the vanilla and the rum bottles. 

Clovis is their biggest customer.

Mama Crow is second.

Rose2005 bakes her own fruitcakes but only using the freshest of ingredients and never a hint of rum. . . she has plenty in stock.


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## soulsurvivor

Annie feeds watermelon to her guinea pigs just to watch them run.


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## glazed

soulsurvivor is the sole survivor of Survivor


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## Ravenlost

Mama Crow has a Master's Degree in English. She majored in alliteration with a minor in tongue twisters.


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## soulsurvivor

Mama Crow bought the fastest tow truck in the world and hired an Elvis impersonator to drive it. She recently got a government bailout grant to clear all the GM lots of inventory. She's purchased more fast tow trucks and needs Elvis impersonators to drive them. Elvis look-alike tryouts will be at her house this weekend. The blue suede shoes are optional.


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## soulsurvivor

Ravenlost is a practicing contortionist. Her current trick is backflipping into a pair of blue jeans while wearing a pair of bright green Crocs.


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## Ohio dreamer

Soulsurvivor chose that name as they were the only one that survived being taken to the Mother Ship and experimented on.


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## soulsurvivor

Ohio dreamer has a secret dream of becoming a master cheese carver and winning an international cheese carving championship. So far she's mastered carving cheese statues of the aliens she claims to keep seeing.


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## Annie

Soulsurvivor's been tellin people that Kentucky grass really is blue....They're suspecting that Bourbon is the reason for her visual impairment.


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## Guest

Annie makes Daisy Duke look like Julia Child.


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## Joshie

Zong looks like Julia Child and wears Daisy Dukes everywhere..... especially to church.


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## rean

Joshie is just joshin', of course.


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## soulsurvivor

Just because, rean has been microwaving ostrich eggs again. Annie, zong and Joshie sat too close this last time. We think the force of the explosion knocked some sense out of them. We're asking for any herbal remedies on their behalf.


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## the mama

Ohio Dreamer, where is your husband going to dance after his contract is up with the BudaPest ballet? Zong is the sound his head makes when thumped.


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## farmmom

Soulsurvivor grow his own "herbal remedy", and since it's not legal, at least yet, the patch has to be kept hidden.


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## soulsurvivor

farmmom would know that since she's my best customer. She's a practicing psychic so I don't argue. The crystal balls she uses to play the piano are creepy.


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## clovis

Soulsurvivor was actually the sole survivor of a freak nuclear energy accident in the 1960's.


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## SuburbanHermett

Clovis has a red teddy bear. He likes to sing the song "Crimson and Clover" to his teddy, but he changes the word "Clover" to "Clovis"...and he sings it over and over.


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## clovis

SuburbanHermett lives as a hermit in a Suburban, down by the river.


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## SuburbanHermett

Naw, I had to move. The sight of Clovis skinny dipping with his red Teddy Bear was just too much...And he ate way too much of my government cheese.


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## Annie

I hear that Clovis is planning a trip to England to visit sites of famous crop circles. He's planning on making one in the corn fields of Indiana...at an undisclosed location. Word is, he's always wanted to be on the cover of National Geographic.


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## Ravenlost

Word on the street has it that SuburbanHermett is a secret agent for the KGB and is plotting to take over the world.

Annie is his sidekick and is busy secretly raising genetically modified chickens in her basement for Monsanto.


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## Guest

Ravenlost was the star of a Mexican TV show called"Gringa Luchidora Bufalo en Barro" which translates into "Crazy Woman Mud-Wrestles a Buffalo". After 6 undefeated seasons, she retired.


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## Annie

Zong unsuspectingly bought some GMO chickens...from an undisclosed source...when fried he was asked...did it taste like chicken....


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## PinkBat

Annie makes and sells chicken tongue necklaces and uses the proceeds to support her weekly perm habit.


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## PyroDon

PinkBat 
sun bathes in a bikini she made herself from rabbit skins and chicken feathers


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## KindredSpirit

Pinkbat is picking Squeaky Fromme up from prison when she is paroled. Pinkbat is hoping to write a tell-all book, if Squeaky doesn't kill her first.


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## Joshie

The reason KindredSpirit knows that Pinkbat is is picking up Squeaky is that KindredSpirit IS Squeaky Fromme.


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## turtlehead

Joshie drives an ice cream truck and lives in the back.


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## rean

turtlehead actually collects turtle heads to make turtle head cheese.


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## farmmom

Rean enjoys grilled turtle head cheese sandwiches with licorice and dill pickle topping.


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## PinkBat

Farmmom gives cabbages as Christmas gifts.


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## Tracy Rimmer

PinkBat is the Barefoot Waterskiing Champion of 1992. She keeps her trophy in a specially-built curio cabinet, and is still a regular on the talk-show circuit.


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## ihedrick

Tracy Rimmer was upset she lost to PinkBat in the Watersking championship and has been plotting to steal the trophy!


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## Ravenlost

ihedrick can't stop thinkin' because she hasn't slept in 20 years. She just pretends to sleep at night so no one will think she's a vampire (which she is, but don't tell).


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## Tracy Rimmer

Regis Philbin once told ihedrick she was "all that".... it remains one of her dearest, if rather creepy, memories.

Ravenlost is neither a raven, nor lost. She's actually Jimmy Hoffa's love child, and has been avoiding the "made men" for years.


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## Guest

Tracy Rimmer knocked out Mike Tyson in a brawl at a Tupperware party. He gave her a million dollars not to tell anyone.


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## Ravenlost

Tracy told zong her secret and he spread it all over the internet! Now he's in hiding.


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## soulsurvivor

Tracy Rimmer got her start as a baker of crackers which she fed to her brood of parrots and cockatoos that she then rented out to the Secret Service for their use as a diversionary ploy in interpol art heists. The name zong should mean something to Tracy as he is her spy contact. zong likes his job as a spy bird exchange dealer and doesn't at all mind that poop flies from the coop.


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## soulsurvivor

Ravenlost is actually one of Tracy's cockatoos.


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## KindredSpirit

Soulsurvivor was on a cruise ship where they played the murder mystery game. Unfortunately, Solesurvivor misunderstood the goal of the game.... and ended up being the soul survivor. When the police arrived, there was no need to guess "whodunit".


----------



## soulsurvivor

Actually, KindredSpirit was "hovering" around and whispering in the cops ears and pointing her ghosty finger at me. I was an innocent bystander in the next dimension and KindredSpirit kicked me into this reality at the exact moment when I could be "framed" for the disappearances of the guests.


----------



## Annie

Tracy bought herself a pink cadillac to haul her baked goods in...she's looking for a blow horn to mount on it, shaped like a loaf of bread ...anyone know where she can find one...give her a call.


----------



## tinknocker66

soulsurvivor is a total lie. How cane you be a solesurviver when all you do is sit on the couch in your underwear eating Funions and drinking beer?


----------



## soulsurvivor

I thought it was common knowledge that Tracy earned that pink cadillac the proper way - by selling her Mary Kay products to Annie.


----------



## GrannyG

Annie said the wind really blew hard at her house last night....said she had a sack of flour hanging on a nail on the porch...the wind blew the sack away and left the flour hanging there.....dang....that was really a bag of wind....


----------



## soulsurvivor

GrannyG, Annie just told you that bag of wind story to cover up the fact that she's several inches thick with Tracy's Mary Kay total makeup foundation.

tinknocker66 is actually Annie's tin man looking for his heart underneath Annie's makeup mask.


----------



## soulsurvivor

PyroDon is snickering and laughing to himself thinking that he slipped in a fast comment about PinkBat and not getting caught. Well, PyroDon would probably be a good person to have around in a WTSHTF situation, but he's not to be trusted too far out of sight cause he has this weakness for raiding the hidden chocolate and using it to pull fake dung jokes. . .yea, he puts melted chocolate in a pile inside people's boots at night and then when they're jumping up and grabbing on their boots .. . . yuk! and he's saying "is that what I think it is?" and being all innocent....


----------



## Annie

Although SOMEONE helped Tracy get her Cadillac....she can't ride it in because Tracy doesn't want make-up on the white leather seats.


----------



## ihedrick

Annie knows... She got make up on Tracy's car seat once and then blamed it on the dog. So now neither her or the dog gets to ride in the car.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Then there's only one left to blame for the smeared makeup - turtlehead. She probably uses a lot of Mary Kay since she's in training for the Mrs. WV competition. I think she said her talent was going to be folding a dollar bill to look like a hundred dollar bill. That is probably going to be a winner.


----------



## bluemoonluck

Annie is really Elvis, alive and well and hiding out in the deep woods of Tennessee <Shhhhhh!!!>


----------



## soulsurvivor

Then again, ihedrick might be using the Mary Kay to cover up those undereye circles from not sleeping for past two decades. Loss of sleep really has a way of aging the undereye skin.


----------



## soulsurvivor

oh bluemoonluck, I think you're on to something there. I bet that's Annie posing as Elvis driving that fast tow truck for Mama Crow. These puzzle pieces just keep falling on top of each other.


----------



## soulsurvivor

bluemoonluck, are you still on TV as a teletubbie? You sure have a good radar for Elvis. I can't imagine you using Mary Kay though. Somehow that doesn't quite go with being a teletubbie.


----------



## Annie

Ravenlost also buys Mary Kay from Tracy.....although, she doesn't use it....she puts lipstick on her dogs.


----------



## Annie

Granny G and WIHH have formed a committee for Texas to become it's own country. They're fussin between them over who's going to be the President.


----------



## ihedrick

Annie is in denial of favoring some of the critters at her homestead!


----------



## rean

what in the hed is rick talking about? Everyone asks themselves that question after conversing.


----------



## Narshalla

Rean does not believe in the Lock Ness Monster, even though Rean is actually Bigfoot, and all monsters should show solidarity!


----------



## Narshalla

Narshalla has a split personality! Several, actually!


----------



## sweetsagefarm

and every post on this forum was made by narshalla or one of her multiple personalities...is there a doctor in the house??


----------



## Narshalla

Sweetsagefarm plays a doctor at town hall meetings!


----------



## Annie

Don't worry Narshalla about the split personality....Clovis is a big foot chaser, Zong hides fruitcake in a closet, Ravenlost mud wrestles buffalo, Rose is a peeping tom and owns a still, Soulsurvivor knocked off everyone on a cruise ship, Iris bellydances......


----------



## tinknocker66

I heard that Annie has a lot of secrets that she hides in her closet.So when it started to rain I snuck in and took a look. There were posters of some bald guy and a curly haired dog All over her closet. Now im stuck in her attic in the dark cause she came home early.
Oh well "the sun will come up tomorow".


----------



## glazed

tinknocker66 ... nocked Tink off her fairy pedestal back in '66.


----------



## Ravenlost

tinknocker66 works for a roofing company and goes up and down Route 66 knocking on tin roofs to see if they are sound.

Mama Crow won't let tinknocker66 on her property after learning that her roof inspector likes to break into people's houses to see what's in their closets.


----------



## glazed

*Raven lost *... 

(made me laugh ... you edited me into your post before I could post my "lie" about you!)


----------



## Megabeth

Mama Crow didn't really laugh. Tragically, she lost both her sense of humor and sense of smell in a chemical fire. To this day, when someone tries to tell a "knock knock" joke, she persists in saying "I have a doorbell; why don't people use it?"


----------



## clovis

Megabeth was once a groupie for the rock band Megadeath. They eventually had to file a restraining order against her to get her to quit following them because "she was just to wild for a metal band".


----------



## glazed

:rock: Megabeth is a _Megadeth_ wanna-be groupie. :rock:


----------



## glazed

*TIME OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!*


We posted at the exact same time about the exact same thing!!!


*L.M.A.O.*





(okay proceed with game)


----------



## clovis

Mama Crow....just like her tag line reads...."I am second"

LOL


----------



## Megabeth

rules violation, that's true


----------



## soulsurvivor

Ohio dreamer swears she's seen clovis tromping around in wheat fields with a string, stick and board at night. Then again, she also sees those little alien guys too.


----------



## glazed

soulsurvivor is not confused, and neither am i. :shrug:


----------



## ihedrick

Megabeth collects dryer lint which she thinks will magically turn into gold.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Megabeth is the result of a bad high school play. She's now the pastry chef for the local jail and everyone requests her shakes and spears.


----------



## farmmom

ihedrick thinks that it's straw that turns to gold, not dryer lint. After all, it worked for Rumplestiltskin.


----------



## rean

farmmom really lives in PA, next door to Mel Gibson, they go out at night making crop circles in the corn.


----------



## Kris in MI

rean knows about farmmom and Mel Gibson's crop circles because rean is the artist who designs the circles so that the aliens are called in properly.


----------



## Ravenlost

And Kris in MI is a huge Mel Gibson fan and terribly jealous of farmmom's friendship with him.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I'm grateful it's not Elvis again.

Ravenlost is spending yet another late night in anxiety of her extreme sky diving date with rean tomorrow. They're going for the new world record of number of toe touchers before pulling the chute or saying "oh shoot!".


----------



## Ravenlost

soulsurvivor used to go extreme sky diving...thus the name "soulsurvivor". Of course, the big secret is soulsurvivor liked to sky dive dressed as Elvis.


----------



## soulsurvivor

sshh,,, Mama Crow might hear you and make me drive one of her tow trucks...


----------



## bluemoonluck

soulsurvivor isn't a telletubby.... but she does like to dress like Barney the Purple Dinosaur and cover Elvis songs


----------



## sweetsagefarm

bluemoonluck dresses her bunnies in pink and lavender tutus and makes them put on bunny ballets at the local retirement center.


----------



## summerdaze

Sage isn't REALLY the "herb" that sweetsagefarm is growing. But she thought MauiWowieFarm might be a little too revealing.


----------



## salmonslayer

summerdaze will only wear finely crafted leisure suits made of Fortrel Polyester with a 15% Dacron twill.


----------



## Narshalla

Salmonslayer has never caught a fish in his life!


----------



## glazed

narshalla is a marshmalla


----------



## Narshalla

Mama Crow said:


> narshalla is a marshmalla


Mama Crow is not well described by her name. She accidentally add an "r" because she can't spell.


----------



## celticfalcon

narshella is a moviestar under another name.(cruella)


----------



## sweetsagefarm

celticfalcon is actually a "smelly-vulture" that sits in the field waiting for his roadkill dinner.


----------



## Ohio dreamer

Sweetsagefarm is often miss understood. It's not Sweet Sage Farm it's Sweets Age Farm where you can go and purchase all the ant infested discontinued candy your little heart desires.


----------



## roadless

Ohio dreamer is really an insomniac that lives in Pennsylvania.


----------



## clovis

Roadless actually lives at a truck stop on America's busiest interstate exit.


----------



## ihedrick

Clovis knows where they burried Jimmy Hoffa.


----------



## Annie

Clovis got fed up with gun laws and formed a movement "to use rifles, not interfering politicians" TURNIPS for short. Only little old ladies signed up.....they thought it was a garden club.


----------



## ihedrick

Because of the TURNIP movement; that's why Annie not only got her gun; but a high powered automatic rifle!


----------



## Guest

Ihedrick is upset about the TURNIP movement because it overshadows his own "Rural unknowns to anticipate big armchairs going airborne"(RUTABAGA) movement.


----------



## soulsurvivor

zong is only aware of the TURNIP and RUTABAGA movements because of his ever watchful eye on these organizations. He doesn't want them to knock his own HARMONICA (Having A Rowdy Mess Of Noise In Closed Areas) out of the Number One spot on FEMA's Most Watched List for Potential Whistleblowers.


----------



## Lilandra

soulsurvivor is secretly wishing zong would loose the #1 spot so they could be the first on the list :rock:


----------



## roadless

lilandra's peeps think she's hot


----------



## Ravenlost

roadless dresses up as Popeye every year for Halloween.


----------



## Annie

Roadless sits in trees to get away from it all.....the woodpeckers are confused.


----------



## clovis

Annie is actually Annie Lennox of the Eurythmics, and normally sports a burr hair cut that is dyed bright orange.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Annie is a guard for a nearby moonshine operation.


----------



## soulsurvivor

clovis operates the nearby moonshine operation.


----------



## Guest

Soulsurvivor drinks that same moonshine and howls at the moonlight whenever he sees Annie's bright orange hairburr.


----------



## Ohio dreamer

Annie secretly breads Carin terriers even though she loved her "Sandy", Toto has always been her dream dog.


ETA:
Zong is the sound I heard in my head after I saw Annie was no longer the last entry.


----------



## Annie

Soulsurvivor hides in the woods to try to steal our moonshine....I've seen her.


----------



## Annie

Zong's our favorite customer....he brings his own Mason jars.


----------



## Annie

Zong isn't the only voice Ohio Dreamer hears in her head...she often hears Rodney Dangerfield jokes.


----------



## Lauri

While wearing his wife's bra & panties, Zong secretly dreams of being a back up singer for Wayne Newton.


----------



## Guest

Annie tried to switch my antique blue Mason jars for new clear Golden Harvest jars from the dollar store. When I said something about it, she head butted me with that orange burr and almost poked my eye out!!
Lauri told me thats what I get for sticking my nose in other folks business, then ran over my foot with her moped.


----------



## clovis

Zong's great-grandfather accidently started the Civil War, when he ignored the 'no smoking' policy and inadvertantly set off the first cannon to fire on Fort Sumter. Most people don't realize that a peace agreement between the north and south was being signed at the very moment Zong's G-grandaddy leaned against that iron cannon with a lit pipe...


----------



## wildwanderer

Clovis is actually Oggie's secret cat, kept quietly in an underground bug out shelter in Chicago.


----------



## Ravenlost

wildwanderer is actually wandering around the countryside looking for the person who started all these lies on HT, but is beginning to realize its a wild goose chase!


----------



## salmonslayer

Ravenlost only has one arm and met her true love, the one armed man, when they teemed up to clap at a Searchers concert in 1967.


----------



## Kmac15

salmonslayer really lives in Hawaii and hates the cold


----------



## soulsurvivor

Kmac15 tiptoes through the rainforest because she thinks it makes for an improved Twitter experience.


----------



## sweetsagefarm

soulsurvivor lives in a studio apartment with his 72 dogs and serves cat food to guests, telling them it is catfish pate.


----------



## Ohio dreamer

Sweetsagefarm was caught using a rototiller in downtown Washington DC last week. According to Police reports the reason was that Sweetsagefarm's truck broke down so she was moving their garden to where all the "fertilizer" could be found.


----------



## ihedrick

I hope body is "buying" Ohio Dreamer's "fertilizer" as it was he/she that was arrested at the last town hall meeting for spreading toxic sludge.


----------



## Oggie

ihedrick has what look a lot like six-pack abs on his big toe.


----------



## Annie

Oggie dreams of moving to Texas....to become a rattle snake handler


----------



## rean

Annie wears a red and white dress and black patent leather shoes. Her husband is hoping she'll wear the red curly wig someday, but so far she has resisted.


----------



## ihedrick

rean raises flies and so she can get into the fly soup business.


----------



## Cornhusker

Ihedrick is the last living Civil War nurse


----------



## Annie

Iris finally had her hip replacement...you know, from the belly dancing incident....and dreams of becoming a marathon speed walker


----------



## Guest

Cornhusker wishes he'd answered the door that time Ed Macmahon came with that giant cardboard check. Annie wishes she hadn't.


----------



## rean

Zong makes and sells toothpicks. He charges a penny per toothpick. Of that penny, 50% goes for materials, and 60% toward taxes. However, he has hope, because Obama is president, and Zong knows that Obama will take care of him!


----------



## farmmom

Rean knows this because he is working behind the scenes with Obama's financial team.


----------



## soulsurvivor

farmmom's speciality is remodeling barns. She makes the interior so lovely you rarely notice the smell.


----------



## 1/4acre

Soulsurvivor saw his heighbors new car and said "nas car Bubba" Bubba said "ya gots a nas car too Soul" Thats how "Nascar " was invented.


----------



## soulsurvivor

1/4acre likes to brag that he uses Cheetos to paint Elvis portraits on black velvet. What he doesn't like to brag about is that he uses some spit to help the process along.


----------



## PyroDon

1/4 acre owns the tractor off the Green acresTV show and hope to drive it as a pace car at indy


----------



## soulsurvivor

PyroDon looks forward to Halloween so he can dress up as Minnie Pearl and wear the price tag on the hat. His joke is to walk up to people and ask them what he's worth.


----------



## Michael W. Smith

soulsurvivor picked their "name" after being the only "survivor" of a terrible house fire. The police still haven't figured out that soulsurvivor actually set the fire to commit murder.


----------



## PyroDon

soulsurvivor has been known to use rabbit droppings instead of chocolate chips 
in the cookies for visitors


----------



## soulsurvivor

Michael W. Smith is my twin brother that lies all the time to cover up his evil deeds.


----------



## PyroDon

Michael W. Smith
has made a fortrune off his turdbird patent selling horse apple birds to the rich and famous


----------



## soulsurvivor

PyroDon knows I guard my chocolate preps.


----------



## PyroDon

soulsurvivor is actually a professional jello wrestler who does exibition matches at hooters grand openings


----------



## soulsurvivor

and PyroDon is my manager.


----------



## salmonslayer

Soul Surviver holds a patent for booger shields, disposable protective pads that movie theatre owners place under theatre seats and on bathroom stalls to combat booger bandits


----------



## soulsurvivor

salmonslayer is the reason the salmon aren't returning this year.


----------



## mnn2501

Soulsurvivor would like to have ice cubes for their drinks, but has lost the recipe. If anyone can help.....


----------



## chickenmommy

Michael W. Smith is a mystery novel writer and is testing all his new ideas on H.T. because he hasn't had one yet to sell more than the 28 copies to his friends and family.
Wow, guess I should have hit the post button before going to the bathroom!


----------



## chickenmommy

Wow, Pyro, you're on a roll!


----------



## PyroDon

chicken mommy hatches eggs in her bloomers


----------



## Kris in MI

Pyrodon used to be a roadie for a heavy metal band.


----------



## Guest

Chickenmommy is thinking about a gyro, on a roll, with mustard. and is frantically looking through the phone book right now looking for a sub shop that delivers.
Yowks, too fast!
Pyro and Kris were Milli Vanilli.


----------



## PyroDon

zong was ned beaties body double in the movie deliverence


----------



## Guest

Yep, beat pyro out for the part and he's been mad ever since. But he did get to play the moon faced banjo player.
ETA:Left that one hanging but nobody would take it, so I changed.


----------



## PyroDon

Only because zong could squeal better :nana:


----------



## Oggie

PyroDon is a mafia godfather who launders money through a fireworks warehouse.


----------



## clovis

In all actuality, Oggie does not believe cats are evil. In fact, you should look for "the cat man" of Oklahoma who has 196 cats living in a one bedroom apartment. I am sure it will be on TV soon.


----------



## glazed

Oggie's real name is Augustine ... Og for short ... named after Og Mandino ... and Oggie is the GREATEST salesman in the world!!


----------



## clovis

Once again, Mama Crow's tag line says it all: "I am Second".

Did anyone know that Moma Crow is moving to Oklahoma to be closer to Oggie? They have a secret love relationship going on.

LOL


----------



## Jan in CO

And Clovis is jealous because he has been after Ogie for ever! jan in Co


----------



## Annie

Oggie and his 196 cats like to pop popcorn....and watch "Ben"


----------



## Annie

Jan's trying out her tap dancing act on the streets of Denver.....she's hoping to take it to Branson


----------



## Goat Servant

One day Annie got sick of being in the comics & theater. After her dog died she took her guns on the tugboat & people started taking her seriously.


----------



## PyroDon

Goat Servant
was arrested for fraud after selling dozens of volleyballs to newbe homesteaders after convincing them the balls were actually Goat eggs


----------



## Goat Servant

heheheh 
(as I write from prison please send money to Box 0, zip code xyz, cash only & I will set you up with an even better deal)


----------



## clovis

Goat Servant is a king pin wheeler dealer type in prison, and has been known to off people for just a few cigarettes.


----------



## glazed

clovis wishes he/she were second


----------



## Joshie

Clovis used to be a prison guard until there was that "misunderstanding" where certain favors were traded for extra privileges. Now, Clovis is a resident of said prison. :duel:


----------



## Joshie

Mama Crow is actually third.


----------



## PyroDon

Mamacrow said the only reason she comes in second is shes busy admiring Clovis's back side


----------



## Joshie

PyroDon said:


> Mamacrow said the only reason she comes in second is shes busy admiring Clovis's back side


That's a good one!


----------



## PyroDon

Joshie
tried claiming they were a faith healer as an excuse to lay hands on people


----------



## Joshie

Pyro Don just wants someone/anyone to lay hands on him/her....and not for any healing, either. :nana:


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie has just posted her used fly traps on Craigslist. Need to hurry on this one.


----------



## clovis

Soulsurvivor gave detailed directions to the Donner Party, but before they left, she stole several wagons of provisions.


----------



## PyroDon

Clovis used to get lucky by signing up for conjical visits at the local prison


----------



## clovis

PyroDon may talk big about coloring the sky with million dollar displays of fireworks, but really, the biggest show he ever held used 5 sparklers and a 12 pack of botttle rockets, as his mom watched over his shoulder.


----------



## lenii

clovis is dating Jon Gosselin.


----------



## Narshalla

Lenii is running out of insults!


----------



## soulsurvivor

Narshalla freezes insects into ice cubes to use at holiday gatherings.


----------



## sweetsagefarm

soulsurvivor
watches baseball and cheers for the team that makes the most touchdowns.


----------



## clovis

sweetsagefarm still wishes they made Tab cola sweetened with saccharin. She still drinks Tab, of course, by the gallon, and thinks it is best thing ever invented.


----------



## Narshalla

Clovis once covered himself in honey and rolled in cloves and gave himself to his wafe as a holiday ornament to hang in the window.


----------



## salmonslayer

Narshalla's nickname in the American Philatelic Society is lumpy.


----------



## sweetsagefarm

salmonslayer
has never fished a day in his life because every time he casts, the hook gets stuck in his rear end. turns out his butt is four feet wide. he has scheduled himself for a butt-ectomy next month.


----------



## Joshie

Sweetsagefarm runs naked in sage fields. In fact, sweetsagefarm and Clovis met while sweetsagefarm was doing a stint in prison on the public indecency charge.


----------



## soulsurvivor

sweetsagefarm has taken pole dancing to a whole new level http://www.wimp.com/brilliantacrobat


----------



## farmmom

soulsurvivor attempted to immitate sweetsagefarm, but after winding up flat on his face, decided it would be safer instead to go skydiving, without his chute.


----------



## Annie

Farmmom, always the trend setter, is now sporting a sweet smelling Gardenia...on her tinfoil hat.


----------



## Joshie

Annie thinks that she turns heads when she goes out due to her good looks. It's actually the thick, blue eye shadow.


----------



## Annie

Joshie wears so much hairspray...she can't even turn her head.


----------



## clovis

In the game now dubbed as "The Miracle On Ice", Annie rooted for the Soviet Union while they played the United States in the 1980 Olympic hockey championship. She cried when they lost.


----------



## Oggie

Before little clovis was born, his parents' sole contact with culture was watching cartoons with a lot of characters who spoke with a fake French accent. So, they thought they were naming him after something exotic, as in: "Aund zen ve put en zee clovis day garleek" or "Zeess ez zee especial espisa por zee appeeel pae; zee clovis."

Sadly, they really ended up naming after an ancient napped-flint spear point.


----------



## Ohio dreamer

Clovis is a bit older then we think. Clovis was the first king to unify the Frankish tribes all under one king and brought them Christianity.


----------



## Ohio dreamer

Poor Oggie's dad was miss understood. Oggie-Oggie-Oggie is a chant often heard at sporting events. When his father was really just trying to cheer his mom on during labor she misunderstood and assumed that was the name he wanted for their child.


----------



## sweetsagefarm

ohio dreamer thought he was frolicking naked in a field of buttercups. unfortunately, it was a field of poison ivy. now he's in the hospital with swollen and inflamed parts. the nurses draw straws to see who is the unlucky one that gets to put ointment on his itchy spots.


----------



## rean

Sweetsagefarm is so enamored with "s's" that she talks with a hiss.


----------



## Annie

Sweetsagefarm secretly breaks her straw behind her back....so she'll get the short one.


----------



## Annie

Rean did such agood job throwing coins in the air for Ohio "Buffalo" Mike.....that he invested in a vending machine co.


----------



## francismilker

Annie really is............................from the Tennesse State Prison.........not east Tn.


----------



## rean

Francis is the prison warden. She carries a bullwhip that she swings just to hear the crack.


----------



## farmmom

Guess how rean knows! He sees it on a daily basis, because she's snapping it at HIM


----------



## francismilker

As I'm sharing with you about how farmmom is really from downtown New Orleans in a Parish that is still reeling from Hurricane Katrina, I'm also saying, "Thank You! Farmmom for setting the record straight on my gender!!!!!! (I've always been a little phobic of the username I chose for myself. Have considered changing it to MrFrancismilker a time or too!!!!!.)


----------



## Elsbet

Francismilker really has a huge herd of dairy cougars. It's the ultimate dairy animal. Extreme Milking is catching on around the country mainly because of Francismilker's efforts to educate the public to the nutritional value of cougars' milk, and the health benefits associated with a daily bleeding.
Just don't ask what Francismilker does with leaches. *shiver* I'll never look at breakfast cereal the same way again.


----------



## farmmom

francismilker said:


> As I'm sharing with you about how farmmom is really from downtown New Orleans in a Parish that is still reeling from Hurricane Katrina, I'm also saying, "Thank You! Farmmom for setting the record straight on my gender!!!!!! (I've always been a little phobic of the username I chose for myself. Have considered changing it to MrFrancismilker a time or too!!!!!.)


Sorry:stars:


----------



## Lilandra

poor farmmom, she lost her sight when she accidentally stumbled into francismilker and oggie doing the sacred nakkid cat dance under the last full moon in the field of buttercups... buttercups are rumored to appease the cougars so they are easier to milk


----------



## Phillip

Lilandra looks just like her avatar.


----------



## PNP Katahdins

So does Phillip. And no, I don't look like mine.

Peg


----------



## Ross

PNP's sheep look more like her avatar than they do real sheep! Go on tell me I'm lying now! :nana:


----------



## soulsurvivor

well sillies! You don't have to look like your sheep when you've got your names tatooed all over them... duh! I've seen Ross's sheep and some of them have Mom and heart and Ross tatooed on their foreheads.


----------



## clovis

Ross has been lobbying the Canadian government to attack the United States because of weapons of mass destruction. When they win, Ross wants to annex the entire country and have a state renamed after him.


----------



## glazed

:bouncy: *Hi Clovis!! *:bouncy:


----------



## Michael W. Smith

Mama Crow chose her homesteading name due to the fact that she owns and operates the only "Unwanted crow facility" in the country. At last count, she was taking care of over 5000 crows. (That's alot of crows and alot of crow poop!)


----------



## Megabeth

Mama Crow made a deal with Melissa where she (mama crow) gets $1 for every lie posted. Mama Crow is hoping that this thread will go on for years, because she is tired of all the work she's putting into those Nigerian scams and would like an easier way to fund her retirement.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Megabeth wouldn't know a Nigerian scam if it bit her. She still thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.


----------



## glazed

*(OFF TOPIC)*

^^THAT is hilarious, soulsurvivor ... made.me.laugh.out.loud.for.real.HILARIOUS.^^

*(OKAY BACK ON TOPIC)*


----------



## chickenmommy

Taco bell should be a mexican phone company. Soulsurvivor is cooking up a scheme to sneak over to Ross' house and switch the brands on all the goats to read "I heart my soul~~survivor". I


----------



## Ohio dreamer

Chicken mommy is just jealous because her chickens behinds aren't big enough to tattoo "I heart my chicken mommy" on them. Instead they just have "ditto" tattooed on them.


----------



## soulsurvivor

yea, Ohio dreamer can't wait to get back to Ohio so she can set up the gazebo in the backyard as a deer feeding station.... poor deer won't know what hit them.. but she's got a freezer with their name on it. . . . _run Bambi while you can_


----------



## Lilandra

soulsurvivor taught mama crow how to raise crows for profit but their enterprise failed because some thieves thought they could get away with murder 





( fyi -a group of crows is called a murder)


----------



## soulsurvivor

Lilandra said:


> ( fyi -a group of crows is called a murder)


this from someone who also calls chicks "peeps"... everyone knows peeps are those candy marshmallow chickie shaped things...


----------



## Lilandra

soulsurvivor said:


> this from someone who also calls chicks "peeps"... everyone knows peeps are those candy marshmallow chickie shaped things...



shhhhh, they are listening, you don't want to hurt the bunny shaped ones - they already know they are different.....

you shouldn't be here - the last time you visited, you taught my peeps how to use the computer and they left a sticky mess in the CD drive - they thought it was a carnival ride


----------



## soulsurvivor

:icecream: oh, sorry, got carried away with the fun of it... 

I find that the blue bunnies are best at making the sticky tracks.


----------



## Ravenlost

Souldsurvivor has been trying for years to get a Blue Bunny race track going in Louisville, but those Kentucky blue bloods won't go for it.


----------



## sweetsagefarm

ravenlost wears white socks and combat boots with her little black dress. the dress is short enough to occasionally catch a glimpse of her legs with curly hair....oh, wait, it's a man in those boots and little black dress!!


----------



## Ravenlost

Must be my hubby!

sweetsagefarm once tried snorting coke, but the ice cubes wouldn't fit up her nostrils.


----------



## Guest

Ravenlost knew to take out the ice cubes, but the carbonation nearly destroyed her sinuses.


----------



## soulsurvivor

zong is president of the international club of Where's Waldo? fans.


----------



## Annie

Soulsurvivor likes to jitterbug out in the chicken yard....the chickens keep time with their clucking.


----------



## Narshalla

Annie is proof of artificial intelligence. She's really a blond!


----------



## rean

Narshalla works for dell as a tech support person.


----------



## Narshalla

rean said:


> Narshalla works for dell as a tech support person.


Rean knows this because he calls in, often, and mostly because he can't figure out how to turn the darn thing on!


----------



## sweetsagefarm

narshalla eats marshmallows. even the ones shaped like bunnies and chicks. she thinks they scream as she eats them, which makes her cackle.


----------



## salmonslayer

sweetsagefarm lost her life savings on a chain of hamburger stands in India


----------



## BlueFlames

SalmonSlayer singlehandedly has caused the Alaskan Salmon shortage.
He is so proud of it that's where his nickname came from


----------



## PyroDon

Blue flames got their name while liting farts in a theater


----------



## soulsurvivor

PyroDon doesn't worry much about storing preps of matches and lighters. He's an expert on starting a fire using only body gases and a flint. It's the one survival skill he counts on to get him through any disaster. Need a campfire? Go find PyroDon. You'll likely find him wandering through the campsites helping folks light their fire.


----------



## clovis

Soulsurvivor was the person who shot J.R.


----------



## soulsurvivor

No, wasn't me. Ask Cliff. He and I were at an auction buying Abraham Lincoln artifacts when JR got shot.


----------



## rean

Soulsurvivor is lying again.


----------



## squeakyzig

rean has an alter-ego and likes to dress up as a dog and then go out in public


----------



## clovis

squeakyzig has a man crush on Richard Simmons.


----------



## rean

Clovis wears short shorts like Richard Simmons. He especially likes the feel of the silk.


----------



## sweetsagefarm

rean doesn't shower until a hard rain comes. then, he takes his soap and towel to a public parking lot and puts on quite a show taking his shower AND singing in the rain!


----------



## ihedrick

Sweetsagefarm recognized rean after seeing him performing at Boxers 'n Briefs strip club.


----------



## sweetsagefarm

i hedrick knows this because she got rean the job there.


----------



## clovis

Sweetsagefarm used to post on this forum as sweetsagefart, until, of course, the moderators asked that they correct their spelling.


----------



## soulsurvivor

clove - an aromatic spice
clover - a ground cover
clovis - numb tongue saying "close this"


----------



## rean

soulsurvivor is one of the newest contestants on dancing with the stars, and hopes to be partnered with Donny Osmond!

btw, and this is true, honest, I'm a female.


----------



## clovis

rean is actually a male, but dresses in drag, and hangs out online as a woman.


----------



## Narshalla

Clovis knows this from first-hand experience.


----------



## rean

lol

Narshalla was George Harrison's muse.


----------



## PNP Katahdins

Rean, I thought you said Narshalla was George Harrison's mouse. My bad. Whatever. You must have been there too.

And Clovis is the kind of guy who would smash a custom Gibson guitar at the end of his drag routine.

Peg


----------



## brody

PnP Kat took great pleasure in hacking the board and causingthe latest crash


----------



## Guest

Brody has spiked pink hair and a nose ring.


----------



## clovis

LadyCat refuses to buy her groceries at any place but gas station convenience stores in tourist resort towns. She loves to pay full price for everthing, and thinks that using a coupon "is for losers." She routinely pays $6 to $10 for Colgate tooth paste.


----------



## Narshalla

Clovis is the reason that Dr. Who can't find TARDIS.


----------



## Dandish

Narshalla is really, really good at this because she makes a living working for the National Enquirer, and once even saw an alien baby come right out of Brad Pitt's left nostril.


----------



## Narshalla

Dandish is afraid of jellyfish, jelly, and jello!


----------



## Joshie

Narshalla eats 27 bags of marshmallows each and every day!


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie said:


> Narshalla eats 27 bags of marshmallows each and every day!


...now she's renting herself out as a swim float. Joshie is considering doing just that to get away from it all.


----------



## squeakyzig

soulsurvivor went canoeing and heard banjos. he ditched the canoe and went off looking for the music.


----------



## clovis

Skeakyzig was playing the banjo music that soulsurvivor heard. Squeakyzig now owns a pretty nice canoe.


----------



## Oggie

Clovis was thinking about finding a meaningful and rewarding hobby.

Then, he started this thread and, now, he doesn't have any extra time on his hands.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Oggie makes a good income from his hobby... it's a small business called Pity Kittie. yep, he takes in your pitiful ugly kittie and makes it bootiful. Everything from a fluffed groom to a bedazzling glittering polished nail job. This extra income allows him the fun of ordering online and tracking the FedEx guys across the country. He's still trying to get something/anything FedEx'd from China so he can track internationally.


----------



## rean

soulsurvivor is trying to talk Oggie into entering the kittie's in the beauty circuit, because of a secret fetish being harbored for years.


----------



## Joshie

Rean owns the web's biggest fetish site.


----------



## clovis

Joshie still thinks that fetish is an Italian pasta dish.


----------



## Guest

Clovis robbed a bank yesterday!


----------



## clovis

ladycat does most of her grocery shopping in hotel gift shops, and doesn't care what it costs. Too bad for her that most of them don't sell eggs or a large variety of meat.


----------



## Annie

ladycat drove the getaway car.


----------



## clovis

Yes, Ladycat did drive the get away car. Since we split the deal 50/50, she can afford to shop for groceries in hotel gift shops.


----------



## Annie

While ladycat was shopping at the hotel, Clovis was laying out at the pool, slathered in 
Hawaiian Tropic, with his speedos on.


----------



## Guest

Annie was slathering Hawaiian Tropic on Clovis' back!


----------



## soulsurvivor

ladycat rents herself out as animal therapy for older gentlemen.


----------



## KindredSpirit

Ladycat is thinking of ways to change Soulsurvivor's name into Nosurviors.


----------



## clovis

KindredSpirit is so cheap that she refuses to buy toilet paper. She has been stealing it from churches and interstate rest areas for years. It is so bad that she even installed commercial grade dispensers in her home bathroom to accommodate the large size rolls. "An endless supply", she says.


----------



## KindredSpirit

clovis said:


> KindredSpirit is so cheap that she refuses to buy toilet paper. She has been stealing it from churches and interstate rest areas for years. It is so bad that she even installed commercial grade dispensers in her home bathroom to accommodate the large size rolls. "An endless supply", she says.


Clovis recycles his toilet paper. His neighbors hate to be downwind on days it's drying on the line.


----------



## soulsurvivor

KindredSpirit is the recycling authority for pertinent advice on any dilemna you might encounter as you "go green". Because of her own trial and error efforts, we now know it's not a good idea to stuff pillows with lawn clippings....unless thoroughly checking for poison ivy first.


----------



## sweetsagefarm

soulsurvivor is really morris the cat.


----------



## Joshie

Sweetsagefarm grows sage because she has stinky armpits.


----------



## salmonslayer

Joshie is so poor she considers leftovers the spaghetti thats caught in the drain after you do dishes


----------



## soulsurvivor

salmonslayer hopes to become bearslayer... he's in need of a new rug.


----------



## clovis

soulsurvivor spends his time hunting and shooting ivory billed woodpeckers in the forests of Arkansas, and is excited about being the 'soul' reason they are extinct.


----------



## Joshie

Clovis may reuse his toilet paper but he doesn't wear underwear. That wouldn't be a bad thing if it wasn't for the see-thru pants. :nana:


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie does a fairly brisk business using and selling the latest in spyware technology. Her most current and successful project thus far is the Underwear Cam... do you suspect you have worms and might be in need of a good colon cleanse? Then Joshie's Underwear Cam is only $9.95 + tax. Contact her for further details and shipping rates. For an extra $14.95, she'll throw in a photo guideline for identifying all UFOs (Underwear Foreign Objects).


----------



## Guest

Soulsurvivor has been on the run for over 30 years after having been exposed in this video as "mexican cat juggler" 
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyy50Penbvw[/ame]


----------



## soulsurvivor

zong does an excellent job of advertising on craigslist:
http://www.dump.com/2009/08/01/hilarious-craigslist-ad/


----------



## sweetsagefarm

soulsurvivor does all his christmas shopping at the local truck stop.


----------



## ihedrick

Sweetsagefarm pays soulsurvivor to do Christmas shopping at the truck stops; as they are afraid of being caught for stealing their neighbors laundry off the cloths line.


----------



## clovis

Most people don't know that ihedrick was the NASA employee that installed the wires on Apollo 13's oxygen tanks (using a pocket knife), which ultimately caused the landing on the moon to be scrubbed, and for astronaut Lovell to utter the words "Houston, we've had a problem."


----------



## soulsurvivor

clovis and his wife have been a huge hit performing during the last weekend of the Cash for Clunkers program:
http://www.wimp.com/elderlycouple


----------



## Joshie

The reason soulsurvivor has the time to find all these goofy internet links is that he gets 50% of the income from each and every red light camera in the US.


----------



## soulsurvivor

...which is why I know that Joshie is really Gladys from Austin, TX:
http://www.wimp.com/goodcall


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor has a secret crush on Ellen and has every episode of any of her shows on tape. It takes up the entire basement. 

Soulsurvivor alfo buys all Ellen's old clothes and wears them around town. Lots of people stare at soulsurvivor....and not just due to his funny looks.


----------



## rean

Joshie has 6 toes, just like Michelle!


----------



## Lilandra

rean is Joshies & Michelle's pedicurist and gave them matching purple and gold toenails with the vikings logo and farve's number on their big toes


----------



## clovis

"my peeps think i'm cool"

No one is sure what lilandra is talking about because her peeps really think she is a dork.


----------



## Guest

Clovis clearly doesn't understand peep thinking.


----------



## rean

Believe it or not, I know what lilandra is talking about! Must be an Iowa and Minnesota thing!


----------



## clovis

rean is the reason that folks from far off say that Iowa stands for "*I*diots *O*ut *W*andering *A*round."


----------



## rean

Clovis really hurt my feelings.


----------



## Lilandra

the peeps went to mc donalds where Clovis works and said very loudly in the drive thru "Mom says the exterminator finished your room, but you need to buy new sheets!!"


----------



## Joshie

Lilandra just gained 27 pounds eating a bunch or stale marshmallow peeps. :1pig:


----------



## clovis

You know those big boxes that the Boy Scouts place at area businesses for collecting food during a food drive? 

Joshie is so cheap that she calls them "What's for supper? boxes", and sorts through them and takes what she wants.


----------



## Guest

Clovis stole a homeless man's cardboard box.


----------



## clovis

LadyCat is 20,738 posts....and counting....from having a real life.


----------



## Ohio dreamer

Clovis can't stand to be touched by any human being and has been this way since childhood, although has passion for Apple Dumplings.

Mr. Walt Disney document this fact in 1975.


----------



## soulsurvivor

no, clovis isn't the world's dumbest bank robber, but he is going to have to stop wearing his wife's pantyhose as a facemask out in public...


----------



## rean

soulsurvivor's dog ate the crotch out of Clovis's wife's pantyhose. while Clovis was wearing them!


----------



## clovis

Originally, GEICO insurance was going to use the phrase:

"So easy, even Rean could do it."


----------



## squeakyzig

GEICO picked the Geeko over Clovis because the Geeko was better looking.


----------



## Tracy Rimmer

Squeaky zigged when he should have zagged. He's been in therapy for over a year now.


----------



## 1/4acre

Tracy had all her children arrested when they refused to eat chicken for dinner for the 153rd day in a row.


----------



## Joshie

Tracy spends her days tracing doodles of cars with fancy rims. 1/4 acre got in between Tracy and her doodling so 1/4 acre is now 1/8 acre.


----------



## 1/4acre

Joshie wants all HTers to spend christmas and new years at his place and on his dime.


----------



## clovis

1/4acre still pronounces Illinios with an 's' at the end.


----------



## wy_white_wolf

Clovis's wants to be like Peewee Hermen


----------



## soulsurvivor

wy white wolf likes going to Walmart's Housewares' department and setting all the alarm clocks to go off at 5 minute intervals... and yes, he howls each time.


----------



## clovis

Soulsurvivor is the First Lady's dress consultant, and is 'soul-ly' responsible for dressing Michelle Obama in a pair of shorts.


----------



## Joshie

Clovis told 1/4 acre that I'm a boy when I'm really female. Of course, we all know that 1/4 acre believes everything Clovis says.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Yes, Joshie is female. I went shopping with her once. I turned around to say something to her and she was missing. Know where she was? .... in the middle of the mens' jeans rack yelling "Pick me!"


----------



## rean

soulsurvivor speaks like Julia Child when in the kitchen.


----------



## Common Tator

Rean speaks like Norm Abrams in the workshop, and makes fine hand crafted furniture too!


----------



## Joshie

You know that stinky rotten potato smell? That's what is smells like at Common Tator's house. She fills all her purses with rotten potatoes. Shop owners hate to see her as she sometimes drops old potatoes around their stores.


----------



## Common Tator

Joshie uses stinky rotten potatoes to make mashed potatoes because they are already soft and don't need much mashing. Nobody ever asks for seconds!


----------



## soulsurvivor

Common Tator does comment on everything. Her favorite way to make a statement is to stand in front of security cameras and use them as a mirror to pick her nose. Her comments are all over the place...


----------



## wy_white_wolf

Soulsurvivor is the only one that has ever asked for seconds of Joshie's mashed potatoes


----------



## Guest

wy_white_wolf is secretly a vegan.


----------



## Oggie

Ladycat told Ted Kennedy to turn left at the bridge.


----------



## Guest

Oggie leads a secret life as a cat at night.


----------



## clovis

Ladycat has been arrested several times for coupon fraud, and spent several years in prison for those crimes. Did you ever wonder how her post count got so high?


----------



## Guest

Clovis locked up Homesteading Today Forum for 6 hours so I couldn't post a comeback.


----------



## clovis

In all reality, Homesteading Today hasn't been down for 6 hours. It hasn't even been down at all. 

It has taken Ladycat this much time to think of something to make up about me.


----------



## Annie

Clovis has Mean Dean and Chuck hostage.....I hear he wants the board renamed to "Clovis and friends". If so, he'll release them and they'll be no more interuptions.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I want what Annie's drinking.


----------



## clovis

Annie has a strange love fascination with Erik Estrada, and still has a vintage 1981 poster of him, pinned to the ceiling above her bed.


----------



## clovis

Even though soulsurvivor was born in 1993, he tells everyone that he is a Vietnam vet and that he attended the first Woodstock.


----------



## soulsurvivor

clovis started this thread because he always has to have the last word. He asked his wife recently what she wanted for her birthday. She was standing, looking in the mirror, and she said that she wanted to be 6 again. So on the morning of her birthday, clovis fixed her a bowl of Lucky Charms and then took her to Six Flags. He put her on every ride there and 5 hrs later, she stumbled out of the park with him. He then took her to McDonalds and bought her a Happy Meal. After that, he took her to the movies and bought her popcorn and Coke. When they got home that night, exhausted, she fell on the couch. Lovingly, clovis leaned over and asked her closed eyes if she enjoyed being 6 again for the day. Slowly, she opened her eyes, looked dead aim at his eyes, and said, "I want to be a SIZE 6..."

Moral of the Story? ..... clovis means well, but men really don't understand.


----------



## Narshalla

Soulsurvivor knows that men don't really understand because he _is_ a man.


----------



## Dandish

Narshalla revived this thread because she was getting tired of playing with her bellybutton lint and needed something else to do.


----------



## clovis

Dandish was recently arrested for getting in a barrel, completely naked, and going over Niagra Falls, not to set a record, but just for the thrill of doing it without clothes.


----------



## Guest

Clovis, Dandish, and Narshalla were sisters. Too lazy to work, they decided to go into the entertainment business. They had some success with their act "The chainsaw-juggling sisters" until the accident. Now they're half-sisters.


----------



## Joshie

Zong performed the sex change operation that allowed Clovis to be part of the Sisters' Act in the first place. Now Clovis wants his money back. You see, Clovis said he wanted a woman and Zong misheard and thought he said he wanted to be a woman.....


----------



## clovis

Joshie is so dumb that she thinks that Dr. Pepper is a real, degreed, medical physician complete with their own line of medicinal cola.


----------



## soulsurvivor

clovis is so smart that he saves the leftover foam from his cola glass to clean his truck engine... drink up!


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor uses clovis's beverage glasses as coke bottle glasses. You see, soulsurvivor is as blind as a bat. Well, in reality, soulsurvivor looks like a bat.


----------



## soulsurvivor

hmm, I'd talk blind if I were you Joshie. Last time I went shopping with you, you were the one that went in the fitting room and started yelling for toilet paper....


----------



## ihedrick

Soulsurvivor still has Scooby Doo sheets on the bed and a Sponge Bob pillow.


----------



## Common Tator

ihedrick tried streaking back when that was a craze. Being on the hairy side, (he or she) was mistaken for a sasquatch, and a brief movie clip was made, which became famous and the source for sasquatch mania in the Pacific Northwest. Humiliated by the experience, ihedrick invested heavily in Nair, and moved to Virginia.


----------



## Guest

Common Tator chose her username solely because it is an anagram for "Cotton Mom Ra"


----------



## soulsurvivor

There's a good reason "zong" is at the end of the alphabet.


----------



## Joshie

I actually am blind and when we went shopping together soulsurvivor led me to what I was TOLD was the restroom. Soulsurvivor has now been banned from the state of IL.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I noticed a sign. I thought it was you Joshie.


----------



## Annie

While in the fitting room, Joshie hit her head and yelled..."Ow, I bumped my noggin". Soulsurvivor, not hearing real well, thought Joshie had said..."Wow, I want to go joggin"....which she then led Joshie to the shoe dept.


----------



## Joshie

Annie likes to dress up in funny cow costumes and dance with soulsurvivor. They have actually been referred for therapy many times for their cow fetish.


----------



## TheMrs

History records the identity of the infamous 1971 skyjacker as D.B. Cooper, but the FBI has always referred to him as "Joshie."


----------



## soulsurvivor

TheMrs has the ringtone on her phone set specifically to mind control her brain to increase her bust size. In one day she went from 32A to a 36D just by listening to a ringtone that imitated a babies' cry.


----------



## clovis

Soulsurvivor packed the two parachutes for herself and DB Cooper...but only one of them opened. I find it funny that DB Cooper isn't posting baseless lies about others...


----------



## soulsurvivor

The online name of clovis is the scrambled letter version of "I love CVS" and well he should. His best deal hasn't yet been posted but let's just say that the store doesn't have anything left in stock that has alcoholic content. I know the cough syrup inventory is nil and no more.


----------



## clovis

Anyone care how Soulsurvivor knows this? 

She used to hang out in the CVS alcohol aisle on Friday and Saturday nights to party and pick up men. The bar scene was just too much for her. This came to an abrupt end when the manager figured out she was mixing her own drinks from the bottles on the shelves.

While I was roaming the store looking for the next big deal, Soulsurvivor was liquored up, dancing the macarena to Muzak, and using her best pick up line on every guy that walked in the store: "Hey handsome. Come here much? Let me pour you a drink."


----------



## Joshie

Clovis and soulsurvivor are married.


To TheMrs and not a baseless lie: I'm a middle-aged woman. Joshie is actually the name of my daughter's horse.


----------



## Annie

.......and Joshie is their daughter. Joshie likes to tell the story of how her "parents" fell in love while dancing to Muzak in the greeting card isle.


----------



## Joshie

Annie is my _MUCH OLDER_ sister.


----------



## Annie

Joshie just look older...with her grey hair and all. But "mom & dad" keep her stocked with hair coloring from the Clairol coupons they use at CVS.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Annie and Joshie were always my two most difficult children. Sibling rivalry was a term invented to describe their behavior. I had to move us to the farm to save the neighborhood.


----------



## clovis

Joshie said:


> Clovis and soulsurvivor are married.


She had me at "Buy $15, get $10 ECBs."


----------



## ihedrick

The wedding was at CVS and they used the ECB to pay for it!


----------



## Toads tool

ihedrick was disapointed that he later found out that the so-called pure little girl he lost his virginity to was really a "Virginian".


----------



## Joshie

Toads tool only eats toads.


----------



## Firethorn

Joshie has a double personality disorder the other half names Laura


----------



## ihedrick

Firethorn was arrested last week for stealing rolls of toilet paper out of all the restrooms in the local mall.


----------



## Joshie

ihedrick became a marine by floating boats in the toilet.


----------



## Guest

Joshie always shouts "Full moon!! Full moon!" at those boats every time she goes into the bathroom.


----------



## Joshie

I shout full moon not because of the toilet boats but because zong wears plumber pants and well, I see a full moon.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie really does try to not look
http://www.wimp.com/funnynature


----------



## clovis

Soulsurvivor is the PR agent for Kanye West, and advised him to "just steal the stage whenever you get a chance".


----------



## HOTW

clovis' stage name is cloris, a highly successful drag queen with a tendency to dress only in brilliant green feather boas. Star of the roaming glitz & glamour show Suck and Tuck Mamas, cloris is booked til the day her falsies are scheduled to droop and her tights sag around her ankles. Coming soon to a town near you!


----------



## ihedrick

HOTW is the president of Clovis' only fan club.


----------



## clovis

Ihedrick recently yelled "You Lie" at the President during a joint session of Congress.


----------



## Guest

Clovis was the one who provided the joints for said "joint session"


----------



## ihedrick

Zong was arrested on the last day of the Cash for clunkers program. He tried to get the $4,500 credit for an old rooster. He claimed he thought the program was Cash for Cluckers and refused to take his rooster home with him.


----------



## Narshalla

ihedrick locked this thread so he could be sure that no-one would say bad things about him!


----------



## Grandmotherbear

Wow, a blast from the past.
Narshalla hit powerball lottery but her pet goat ate the winning ticket.


----------



## Guest

My favorite thread, its baa-aack!!
Grandmotherbear was Miss America in 1970


----------



## tarbe

Zong is really a belly-dancer from Iran.


----------



## Ravenlost

Tarbe knows this about Zong because tarbe is actually an Iranian brothel owner.


----------



## shiandpete.1

Ravenlost knows this about Tarbe because she worked in his belly dancing brothel in the back streets of Iran.


----------



## Narshalla

shiandpete.1 knows this because he is one of their most faithful (ahem!) customers!


----------



## shiandpete.1

Narshalla is jealous that I go to such a classy establishment and they are banned from it after they tried belly dancing and ran most the customers off!


----------



## Joshie

Give her a wine cooler and a goat and shiandpete.1 thinks she's at a classy establishment.


----------



## stickinthemud

Joshie trained the belly dancing goats.


----------



## Joshie

stickinthemud stuck her goats in the mud and belly danced around them with jewels in her belly button, pearls around her neck, and buttons in her ears.


----------



## stickinthemud

Joshie's jealous 'cause all she has to wear is the 'bone in her nose ha ha...'


----------



## shanzone2001

Stickinthemud is jealous that Joshie has a bigger bone in her nose. :hysterical:


----------



## Narshalla

shanzone2001 photoshopped her image to hide the bone in _her_ nose!


----------



## Immaculate Sublimity

Narshalla is trying to homestead on a smaller scale, her latest investment has been a herd of milking mini-rex rabbits


----------



## tinknal

Narshalla is D. B. Cooper.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Tinknal still relies on her old Viewmaster for the location of missing persons.


----------



## jill.costello

Immaculate Sublimity thinks drinking rabbit milk will make them cuter.


----------



## Kstornado11

Jill Costello HATES horses!!


----------



## Oggie

Kstornado11 drove up to Cawker City and cut a piece off of the world's largest ball of twine.


----------



## shiandpete.1

Oggie loaned the scissors to cut the ball of twine....


----------



## EDDIE BUCK

Only Because shiandpete.1 agreed to tie up cats with any excess string.


----------



## clovis

Eddie Buck advocates the total clear cutting of the Redwood National Park. He won't be happy until every last tree has been sawn into cheap lawn furniture that is sold by K-Mart.


----------



## starjj

Clovis only comes onto the HT forum to brag about her dancing chickens


----------



## beccachow

starjj takes baths in ketchup and other condiments to keep her complexion young and beautiful.


----------



## Minelson

Beccachow is really a flirt. And she doesn't have any pets...she hates animals and would rather spend her time in a bar. With a halter top on.


----------



## Joshie

Mineson likes to watch beccachow dancing around in her halter top, especially when she does a dance with the cutest little mini ever.


----------



## MN Gardener

Joshie stole beccachow's adorable mini and ran off to the circus.


----------



## Immaculate Sublimity

MN gardner grows neon palm trees.


----------



## Narshalla

shiandpete.1 has, for the last three years, stared at goats!


----------



## beccachow

Narshella dressed as a goat in the hopes that shiandpete.1 would stare at her.


----------



## NickieL

Beccachow kissed a carp the day before yesterday over yonder at the river.


----------



## farmergirl

NickieL sits around all day with her feet up eating bonbons!


----------



## NickieL

farmergirl dreamed she was eating bonbons and woke up to find her pillows were missing.


----------



## springvalley

Did you know NickieL joined the circus at a young age.


----------



## Ravenlost

No, but I knew springvalley was related to Dr. Dolittle!


----------



## NickieL

Ravenlost won a couple million dollars in the lotto and blew it all on cabana boys in speedos.


----------



## tinknal

Nickie dreamed she was eating bonbons and woke up to find she was eating Beccachows three day old carp.


----------



## starjj

tinkal was so upset with the carp eating that she swore off ALL food for a month


----------



## Ode

starjj was so upset at the month-long self-imposed fasting by tinkal, that she gave up biting her toenails as a gesture of sympathy. Another little known, but true fact about starjj is that she designed all the outfits worn by Bruno (the character created by Sacha Baron Cohen). Her designs originally were meant for Lady Gaga, but were turned down for not being revealing enough! To this day she refuses to speak to Gaga ever again.


----------



## Tillysgirl

The alien hot-line has limited Ode to only one call a day, do to area 51 breathing down there neck.


----------



## Joshie

Tillysgirl went to an auction and purchased all of Bruno's costumes from the movie. She wears them to PTA meetings. She thinks it's pretty special that jaws drop and eyes bug out when people see her.


----------



## shanzone2001

Joshie has reoccuring nightmares about flying monkeys that want to kidnap her and make her their prisoner.


----------



## tinknal

Shanzone was next in line to be Michael Jacksons Baby Mamma. They were going to name the baby "!Shazzam!".


----------



## Guest

tinknal, whose real name is lanknit, is the last of the real pirates, having both a hook and an eyepatch, and once boarded a luxury liner with a big sword and tried to take over. He was an immediate hit, and stayed employed by the cruise line as an entertainer and fry cook. Until his parrot fell off his shoulder into the vichyssoise....


----------



## Joshie

Zong plays the bongos in the rain, all the while singing, "Don't rain on my parade."


----------



## Joshie

MB Farm watches too much TV. Oh, yeah, we're supposed to post baseless lies.. :gaptooth: 

MB eats nothing but carp flavored popcorn balls and wonders why she has no teeth.


----------



## PNP Katahdins

MB has a secret yearning for a flock of Katahdin hair sheep but is unable to tell her fiber-enabler friends.

Sorry, MB, for spoiling your secret.

Peg


----------



## Ravenlost

Joshie and PNP are secret service personnel who like to keep tabs on sheep farmers.


----------



## HorseGirl31

Ravenlost is secretly a leprauchaun.


----------



## Ode

HorseGirl31 is secretly an alien, here to scout the earth in advance of the eventual takeover. She says the answer to the great question, of life, the universe and everything is not 42 as commonly believed, but 3.14159 and celebrates Pi Day religiously.


----------



## Guest

Ode is, in reality, a time traveler..One morning, Keats overheard her talking aloud to birds in a garden..hence he felt compelled to write, "Ode to a Nightingale"..proof of her time traveling and habit of speaking aloud can be found in the very existence of so many poems which begin with the words.."Ode to.."


----------



## Ode

Hey, you are supposed to be posting lies here...


----------



## Ravenlost

bostonlesley cannot tell a lie, although Ode has no problems doing so!


----------



## shanzone2001

Ravenlost works weekends as a waitress at Hooters. She has has many regular customers who claim they come in for the ribs, but we all know the real reason.


----------



## Joshie

Shanzone2001 is Ravenlost's manager at Hooters. Shanzone2001 swears she just works there to save the owls.


----------



## springvalley

Joshie, aka. Laura, once tried out for the lead roll that Brooke Shields got in the Blue Lagoon.


----------



## Tillysgirl

Joshie frequent Hooters and says that he is there to "save the owls" but everyone knows why he is there!! When he walks in Shanzone2001 comes out to greet him personally. Ravenlost runs the other way. 

Springvalley once tried to send one of her Jerseys to Hooters but the customers started complaining about the cow pies


----------



## Ravenlost

Tillysgirl likes to heat her cow pies in the microwave before serving them with ice cream.


----------



## beccachow

Ravenlost tried to heat her cow in the microwave because she thought it was cold.


----------



## Joshie

Beccachow taught Ravenlost and Tillysgirl how to make those special ice cream cow patty sandwiches. Unfortunately for Tillysgirl those cow pies made her think that all women named Laura are men. :grin:

Beccachow is trying to figure out how to infuse the taste of carp into cow patties.


----------



## springvalley

Did you know that Beccachow was once employed by nascar as a checkered flag waver.


----------



## Tillysgirl

Joshie said:


> Beccachow taught Ravenlost and Tillysgirl how to make those special ice cream cow patty sandwiches. Unfortunately for Tillysgirl those cow pies made her think that all women named Laura are men. :grin:
> 
> Beccachow is trying to figure out how to infuse the taste of carp into cow patties.


(off topic) 
I think that Tillysgirl needs to go to bed:hammer: she has been staying up way to late. (okay back on topic)


Beccachow is no longer a checkered flag waver because springvalley was driving and hit Beccachow. Beccachow will no longer even watch nascar and springvalley is no longer allowed to drive


----------



## stickinthemud

Tillysgirl forgot the sugar in the cow pie cupcakes so she dumped a teaspoon of sugar on the top of each one which melted down thru the top so they looked like little grand canyons*


*based on a true story


----------



## soulsurvivor

stickinthemud is going to celebrity status next week as she is scheduled to appear on Martha Stewart's show to demonstrate her best mud pie recipe while wrestling in the mud with Martha. 

I really expect big ratings that week.


----------



## Annie

Soulsurvivor was on Martha's show this past winter teaching Martha how to sew up a pair of long john's with nothing but thread made from wheat straw. Everyone in the audience got a pair.


----------



## tinknal

Annie, fresh off of a year performing at the Moulan Rouge in Paris as a showgirl will now appear on Broadway as the new.......................Annie!


----------



## Guest

After a huge meal of boiled cabbage and eggs, Tinknal came up with the idea of a chain of racy restaurants called "Pooters".


----------



## beccachow

Zong will be featured on Dancing With The Stars with Bradley, the dancing poodle.


----------



## Narshalla

Beccachow wanted to be on Brittan's Got talent with the piano playing cat, but Beccachow isn't in Brittan and the cat wants to accompany someone with _talent!_


----------



## PNP Katahdins

That British piano-playing cat is sending money for Narshalla to come over and be on the Talent show with him.

Peg


----------



## soulsurvivor

PNP Katahdins said:


> That British piano-playing cat is sending money for Narshalla to come over and be on the Talent show with him.
> 
> Peg


Narshalla and the cat did get on the Talent show and here's the short clip to prove it:
http://www.wimp.com/standingtwo/


----------



## clovis

Remember the Michael Jackson song, Billy Jean?

_"Billy Jean is not my lover..."_

Soulsurvivor was the lover that Michael Jackson was talking about.


----------



## PNP Katahdins

Clovis is horrified at how popular this thread has been.


----------



## HorseGirl31

PNP Katahdins LOVES brusselsprouts dipped in ketchup.


----------



## Michael W. Smith

Based on HorseGirl31's name, you would think she has 31 horses. Not true.

Horse Girl is the nick name she was given in high school due to having huge "horse teeth" and the 31 stands for her age.


----------



## ar_wildflower

Brody's real name is bubba and he is oringinaly from gumbo, alabama. He was forced to relocate and change his name after a violent dispute over whose mama made the best spam stew. He chose Canada because he likes to say "ay" and "don't ya know"


----------



## Joshie

Off topic... stickinthemud, why did you make cow patties?

ar_wildflower is wild for flowers dipped in stickinthemud's cow patties. ar_wildflower has been trying to get on Martha Stewart's show for the last five years and is really ticked that stickinthemud made it to the show before she did.


----------



## soulsurvivor

It's difficult for anyone to take Joshie seriously if they know what she does for a living. It's not everyone that can sniff armpits as an odor judge for a leading deodorant company... but hey, the pay is really good.


----------



## stickinthemud

Soulsurvivor knows Joshie's nose because the deodorant company hired them at the same time. Joshie to sniff & Soulsuvivor to be the hardest-to-deodorize test case they ever met!

P.S. to Joshie: My brother and I once got into Mom's baking supplies to 'make cupcakes' and mixed up a little of everything, including a couple of drops from each bottle of food coloring and got a lovely (not) fresh-manure-green. Added sugar when Mom caught us and told us we'd forgotten it. She let us bake them & taste them. UGH! The dog ate them and promptly threw up!


----------



## Kris in MI

stickinthemud is head chef at a very prestigious resturant.


----------



## clovis

Kris in MI actually drives an import, and loves it. Down deep, she believes they are engineered better than anything GM builds.


----------



## Kris in MI

clovis said:


> Kris in MI actually drives an import, and loves it.


BWAHAHAHAHA!

Clovis is the one who gave me the import, when he bought a new one straight from Japan. Or was that Korea?

(btw, Clovis, dh is getting certified so he can drive those CTS-Vs at 140 on the test track. Maybe I should have become an engineer?)


----------



## PNP Katahdins

Kris prefers Chinese import cars over Japanese and Korean ones but has a hard time figuring out why.


----------



## beccachow

PNP Katahdins drives a tricycle, and even that is too much for her. She prefers to drink while she pedals, to lessen the stress factor.


----------



## HOTW

beccachow doesn't mention that she is the one standing behind PNP Katahdins with a hose and funnel providing non stop drinking & driving!!(taking a few nips from the bottle herself!) but we didn't just tell PNP Kathdins about that!!!


----------



## Tillysgirl

HOTW knows this because he/she is the one that provides the drink and the hose and funnel. Provided from the local micro-brewery that he/she has a very large share in!! Most days HOTW can be found at the brewery taste testing all that comes in or goes out. HOTW is the one that came up with the non stop drinking and driving... to provide some income for all of the samples of home brew.


----------



## springvalley

Tillysgirl has just returned from preforming in Vegas, along side Wayne Newton, they say there could be CD coming out soon.


----------



## starjj

SpringValley's cows are secretly plotting a takeover in the dairy and are demanding heated milking machines along with udder warmers.


----------



## Ode

starjj is the one behind springvalley's dairy cow labor problems, because she is secretly a vegan.


----------



## wvstuck

After spending an hour reading this entire thread I have discovered that the entire thing is a fabricated lie.... You people should be ashamed.... I am so confused>

By the way... Ode put Clovis up to starting this thread in the first place!


----------



## clovis

wvstuck isn't from West Virginia. He is just so dumb that he thinks Volkswagens are abbreviated as WV, and currently has three old VW bugs stuck in his driveway.


----------



## Tillysgirl

Clovis should know.... he is the one that got them stuck in the first place! Most people don't know that Clovis has a secret addiction to VW bugs and thinks that they all should be painted like lady bugs.


----------



## beccachow

Tillysgirl has panting on her mind.


----------



## Minelson

Beccachow is planning on going to the mall tomorrow to apply for a job at Cinnabunns.


----------



## Ode

Minelson is planning on getting to the mall to apply for that job first!


----------



## Mr.Hogwallop

Ode touched me in a bad place.


----------



## Just Little Me

Ode is camped outside the mall to beat them both. Wants the frosting all to self.


----------



## Ode

Hogwallop and Little Me are both insanely jealous of Cinnabon workers after being fired for stealing frosting. Both tried to claim they thought the buckets were empty, and only wanted them for food storage. Talk about having sticky fingers...just sayin'.


----------



## springvalley

Ode is the love child of Liza Manellie and Dom Dellawieze,They would never admit it to him as he was raised by Phillis Diller, until the age of 23 when he joined the Royal Navy in London. He then sailed to China where he had started to rebuild the great wall of China, with a spakle knife and paint brush.Then moving on to Alaska where he was awarded the medal of honor for saving the first female dog musher to cross the Tundra. Such a sorted life Ode has lead.


----------



## HOTW

springvalley is obsessed with Ode and followed him to China and still has the spakle knife & paint brush he used on the Great Wall. Springvalley is delussional and knows WAY too much about Ode!


----------



## Kris in MI

HOTW would really like to have that spackle knife in order to do a large drywalling job.


----------



## clovis

Kris in MI has been known to bury loose pocket change in her garden because she thinks it makes the soil rich.


----------



## Annie

Clovis sneaks into Kris's garden at night with a metal detector trying to locate the loose change. Heard he uses it to buy lottery tickets.


----------



## Minelson

Mr.Hogwallop said:


> Ode touched me in a bad place.


This one made me snort!:rotfl:


----------



## suitcase_sally

Minelson has been known to snort "bad things".


----------



## Maplelawnfarm

Suitcase Sally has been known to "brush her teeth w a bottle of Jack" : )


----------



## beccachow

maplelawnfarm doesn't brush her teeth at all.


----------



## HorseGirl31

beccachow doesn't like eating chocolate.


----------



## shiandpete.1

Beccachow doesn't brush her teeth because she doesn't have any......


----------



## Our Little Farm

This thread is hysterical.


----------



## PNP Katahdins

Our Little Farm has a weird sense of humor and doesn't fit in here at all.

Peg


----------



## Tillysgirl

Our Little Farm finds things that are quite serious hysterical. And has been known to laugh uncontrollably during things like weddings and funerals:smiley-laughing013: .

PNP Katahidins has no sense of humor at all. Her parents offered her hand in marriage to the first man to make her laugh.


----------



## Our Little Farm

PNP Katahidins has a weird sense of humor and understands me perfectly, she just does not want Tillysgirl to know as when Tilly laughs it sounds like a donkey!

So we need to be serious.
No donkeys.


----------



## beccachow

Our Little Farm is trying to toilet train a donkey as we speak. Unfortunately, since she isn't toilet trained either, she has reached an impasse and offered $150 on Craigslist to the person who can toilet train her.


----------



## joseph97297

beccachow is not really a chow, more of a Great Dane....and her name is not becca...it's Ginger.....


----------



## Kringees Mom

Joseph...7 knows tha beccachow is really a Great Dane, because joseph runs with Ginger on the weekends, they have a blast rutting through all of the neighbors trashcans and rolling in the (ahem) grass.


----------



## shiandpete.1

Kringees Mom isn't really a mom but is really a Daddy as in "pimp Daddy" !


----------



## soulsurvivor

shiandpete.1 actually has a normal name. It's Dave!
http://www.wimp.com/dogsong/


----------



## Michael W. Smith

Soulsurvivor got their name due to the huge family they had and a serial killer killed everyone except Soulsurvivor. How could the police NOT know that Soulsurvivor IS the serial killer?!?


----------



## Ohio dreamer

Michael W Smith is actually in the witness protection program. Both the name Michael and Smith are assumed names. He's really Jimmy Hoffa!


----------



## Pennsyltucky

Michael W. Smith's mother was a hamster and his father smelt of elderberries!


----------



## clovis

Pennsyltucky launders her panties with Pantene, and cannot understand why retailers keep such a wonderful detergent in the shampoo aisle.


----------



## springvalley

Clovis was once spotted riding in an Amish buggy on the back roads of Missouri, he has never been the same after that.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Going against his wife's better judgement, clovis has taken to riding his old motorcycle everywhere he goes. As his wife states, "he's cruise-ing for a bruise-ing". You be the judge:
http://www.wimp.com/bikesideways/


----------



## soulsurvivor

springvalley said:


> Clovis was once spotted riding in an Amish buggy on the back roads of Missouri, he has never been the same after that.


springvalley does remote viewing and knew I was going to post the real truth about clovis's preferred mode of transportation. It's difficult to travel with springvalley because she's always a back seat driver telling you how to drive.


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor rides a Harley in Amish country wearing pink panties and combat boots.


----------



## sisterpine

Soulsurvivor was once convicted of eating pork skins in a courtroom during a trial relating to the relationship he and his first cousin were having!


----------



## springvalley

Joshie, has been known to put pink panties on her horse "Harley".


----------



## clovis

springvalley would like for all of us to believe she owns and works a dairy, but in reality, she only buys powdered milk for her family.


----------



## Joshie

Clovis is a minister who performs a lot of weddings. The couple he married last week were visibly upset when he broke out in song right after saying, "I pronounce you man and wife." Apparently they didn't approve of his choice of song, 'Bessie was a mighty fine cow.'


----------



## Tillysgirl

Laura gave him the idea for the song. She is a minister as well and would like more people to come to her to get married. The problem is that she talks with a horrible lisp and most people think that she is doing some African tribal chant.


----------



## Joshie

Tillysgirl would like everyone to think that she lives off the grid. Actually, she and her family have been fined several times by their local utility for being an energy hog. They use only the highest watt light bulbs and keep them on 24 hours a day. They keep their windows open when the heat and air is on. They leave their eight vehicles on at all times in case they have to make a speedy getaway.


----------



## springvalley

Joshie use to own a ranch in Texas, she had to sell it because she could not grow anything but cactus and tumble weed. And her cattle were no bigger than barnyard cats.


----------



## Kringees Mom

Springvalley wonders..... Could she make tequila out of the cactus? If she drank enough, would she be able to milk the cats? If the tequila was any good, would she share it with Joshie?


----------



## Ode

Kringees Mom actually knows the answer to those questions, and currently owns a successful business that makes a specialty cheese from cat's milk. She also makes a mean cactus tequila, but she drinks it all herself.


----------



## springvalley

Ode use to be a pirate off the coast of Greenland, however never was taken seriously as the ship Ode had was only 10 ft long, P.S. This has been Marc, of Spring Valley that has been writing on here, my wife didn`t like it that you guys thought it was her.He He I`ll sign my name from now on. He He


----------



## Michael W. Smith

"Marc" from SpringValley is having gender identity issues. One day we are dressed like a man and one day we are dressed like a woman. Today "it's" dressed like a man.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Well forget gender identity issues, Michael W. Smith is an imposter, a fake person posing as being real life super spy. The real Michael W. Smith is my brother and he doesn't live in PA.


----------



## Kris in MI

soulsurvivor used to be a singer on Soul Train.


----------



## tinknal

Kris in Mi is actually a jobless, 28 year old man-child who lives in his grandmothers basement and spends his time online trying to get senior citizens to invest in his bogus Uruguayan gold mine.


----------



## Tillysgirl

Joshie said:


> Tillysgirl would like everyone to think that she lives off the grid. Actually, she and her family have been fined several times by their local utility for being an energy hog. They use only the highest watt light bulbs and keep them on 24 hours a day. They keep their windows open when the heat and air is on. They leave their eight vehicles on at all times in case they have to make a speedy getaway.


:hysterical: You made me laugh so hard at this!! The thought of being a energy hog just cracks me up. (okay back on topic) 

tinknal is a senior citizen that invested. He/She got the entire retirement home to invest and now they all are waiting to get there return so they can all go the the Casino and have a very good time.


----------



## clovis

Tillysgirl uses so much electricity that she is trying to get the rural electric cooperative to upgrade the power to their home to 440V...or at to least three phase.


----------



## francismilker

clovis uses codfish oil as deodorant and it improves the BO! lol......


----------



## Tillysgirl

clovis said:


> Tillysgirl uses so much electricity that she is trying to get the rural electric cooperative to upgrade the power to their home to 440V...or at to least three phase.


You caught us!!! We burn tires dipped in motor oil to increase our carbon foot print:bouncy:

francismilker is actually afraid of cows(bovineaphobia) and goes to bovine anonymous which meets at a local farm. He/She is so afraid to get out of the car that he/she has to meet via online conferencing.


----------



## stickinthemud

Tillysgirl owns half-interest in the first hydrogen-powered American racing blimp.


----------



## Zipporah

Stickinthemud is really an alien from another galaxy who was sent here to study human life form in an effort in deciding if we are worthy of breeding and sharing recipes for pound cake with.:TFH:


----------



## Guest

Zipporah is so sophisticated that her pound cake is a kilo kake.


----------



## springvalley

At one time there was a huge movie deal in the works for Zong, then they desided to change the name of the Movie to Kong.>Thanks Marc


----------



## Joshie

Springvalley hates all animals. He's actually the county dog catcher. When people call the pound looking for their lost pets he delights in saying that they were not found. He sells them for research firms for animal research.


----------



## HorseGirl31

Joshie loves mountain climbing, and climbs Mount Everest yearly.


----------



## beccachow

HorseGirl31 actually hates horses, and the number 31 is how many she has turned into glue.


----------



## Michael W. Smith

beccachow gets her nickname in that any woman she meets named Becca, Rebecca, Becky, etc she kills and then eats them. Can you say cannibilism?!?


----------



## PNP Katahdins

Michael W. Smith is really a woman named - you guessed it - Rebecca. :run:


----------



## Minelson

PNP is a secret agent. She works for the government, carries a big pistol and eats Cheetos for breakfast.


----------



## Ode

Minelson works for the government in the Census Department. He is planning on visiting all secret agents to document them thoroughly. Be afraid, be very afraid...


----------



## NickieL

Ode believes aliens are planning an attack of earth--which is why the goevernment wants a census taken. The president is really an alien and Ode has been trying to warn everyone. Saddly, nobody but Ode's loyal cat, Rugamuffin, believes it. Together they plan a consipiracy to hack into the census computers to change the numbers making us look bigger, meaner and a lot more poppulated.


----------



## Joshie

NickieL is wearing a purple bikini and a tin foil hat while dancing around a totem pole.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie is a house painter. She doesn't do it because of the money. She actually loves to watch paint dry.


----------



## clovis

Soulsurvivor is so cheap that when eating at a fast food establishment, she digs through the trash for an empty cup. "Free refills for everyone!" is usually what she exclaims.


----------



## Kringees Mom

Clovis knows a thing or two about digging through the trash, that's where he found his first wife. When she refused to properly roast his liberated leftovers to make them a whole new meal.... he returned her to vessel where he found her.


----------



## springvalley

Kringees Mom, knows more about trash than anyone, she owns a landfill in South Dakota. She flies there very often when they call her and tell her a load of goodies has come in from Walmart and costco. HeHe. >Thanks marc


----------



## shiandpete.1

SpringValley is one of those people you see on the website "People of Walmart" usually dressed in a bright orange wig and rainbow bright short shirt and spanks with striped tights...


----------



## NickieL

shianpete.1 was washing dishes one day when the phone rang. In a hurry to answer with soap slippery hands the phone was dropped. When shianpete bent over to pick the phone up she split her panteloons. It ripped so loudly the neighbor dogs began to bark.


----------



## clovis

NickieL once offered a bribe of 3 dozen eggs, 8 live chickens and a long haired goat to Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich in exchange for Barack Obama's vacant Senate seat.


----------



## stickinthemud

In trade for the long haired goat, Clovis drove to DC and hauled that seat out of the Capitol building, and it's sitting at the head of NickieL's dining room table right now.


----------



## Ravenlost

stickinthemud really isn't stuck in the mud. That's just a ploy for sympathy!


----------



## springvalley

Clovis always said Stickinthemud was just an ole stickinthemud, but he was very wrong about her, she is really a former runner up on american Idol. And can sing like a canary.>thanks Marc


----------



## Joshie

Marc AKA Blago, made a recent appearance on 'Celebrity Apprentice.'


----------



## Ode

Joshie has blogged about Blago many times. True story.


----------



## Joshie

Ode got kicked out of the local Young Republicans meeting because he sang an old ode to Blago. Plus, Ode isn't all that young anyway.........

Blogging about Blago, my foot........ :run:


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie is a talented artist. She made her prom dress using old copies of Business Insider stuck together with bubble gum that she chewed. She danced the night away because everytime she tried to sit down the gum stuck to her chair.


----------



## Ravenlost

soulsurvivor was Joshie's date for the prom.


----------



## PNP Katahdins

Ravenlost wishes SHE could have been Joshie's prom date.


----------



## Minelson

PNP designs prom dresses. She actually wears one every Sunday afternoon and fantasizes about her high school sweetheart while playing with her barbie dolls...


----------



## Ravenlost

Minelson likes to wear PNP's prom dresses when she's working in the barn.


----------



## starjj

Ravenlost wore one of PNP prom dresses she made but spent the whole evening itching because it was made out of wool.


----------



## clovis

Starjj was the sixth member of the iconic 60's era rock band, The Beatles, but was fired when the band learned that the only instrument she could only play was the tambourine.


----------



## Ravenlost

Clovis is THE tambourine man!


----------



## Grandmotherbear

Ravenlost dances naked in the rain, with the mud squishing up between her toes. Neighbors cover their eyes in horror and Nasa turns off its spy satelittes when they espy her racing out into the rain in the altogether.


----------



## Joshie

Grandmotherbear brought home 50 chicks today. Grandfatherbear thought they had more than enough chickens already.

By the way, I am a female, guys. Are Ravenlost and soulsurvivor also females?


----------



## How Do I

Joshie occasionally has grand delusions, sometimes thinking she is a female, when everyone _knows_ that she is a he.


----------



## Joshie

If I'm delusional then so are my husband and children. 

How Do I thinks he know how to do everything. In fact, he's written several books including: 'How do I pick my nose,' 'How do I walk in a straight line,' 'How do I make dinner,' 'How does anyone Homestead and why would they want to?.' Unfortunately to all who have purchased his books, How's directions are universally incorrect.


----------



## How Do I

Joshie had a horse registered in the Kentucky Derby today, but it got scratched at the last moment because they noticed on the way to the gate...it only had three legs.


----------



## Joshie

How Do I has three legs.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Hi Joshie and yes, last time I checked, I'm a female. 

How Do I is an aide to Senator McConnell and is known for giving him expert advice for answering all questions that come into his office. I'm still working on my draft letter asking the Senator how do I live and also pay taxes. I'm certain I will receive detailed instructions that advise me to go jump off a cliff.


----------



## How Do I

soulsurvivor can usually be found target practicing on the back 40 with her MP40. she is particularly fond of shooting the paper targets in the "toodles". Her son shot this video as proof:
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xB7iz1HTh9U[/ame]

Honest Abe!


----------



## Kringees Mom

HowDoI tried to put together his son's new bicycle, but lost the directions, now the poor child must pedal with his hands.


----------



## Ravenlost

Female here as well...at least, that's what the witnesses who saw me dancing in the rain nekkid said.

Kringees Mom feeds her family Krispy Kreme doughnuts three meals a day.


----------



## How Do I

Ravenlost has a spy camera set up in Kringees Mom's dining room and licks her lips & salivates profusely every time she turns on the monitor to watch.


----------



## Our Little Farm

*How do I *does not need to ask any questions. Being a genius they know everything. 
To play down their brilliance, they pretend not to know and laugh at us all struggling to answer : )


----------



## How Do I

Our Little Farm chose that User Name, because _Little House on the Prairie_ was already taken.


----------



## Joshie

How Do I lives in New York City and doesn't believe in the homesteading lifestyle. He regularly hits his thumb with a hammer because pain promotes healing.


----------



## How Do I

Joshie was the first _girl_ ever to become an Eagle Scout.


----------



## thebaker

How Do I is still trying to figure out how to fix a John Deer Tractor.


----------



## Kris in MI

thebaker doesn't really bake anything. It's all from the local bakery, she just tells people she made it herself!


----------



## Joshie

Kris moved to Kentucky because she thinks that people from MI are hicks. She also bakes all of thebaker's bakery goods. Unfortunately, her baking doesn't taste good at all because she makes her own flour from maple tree airplanes.


----------



## Kringees Mom

Joshie loves maple tree airplanes as they do not charge for carryon luggage. She spends half her day trying to figure out how to fasten her seatbel on the maple tree airplane and wonders if she should extinguish her smoking material prior to entering the aircraft.


----------



## Joshie

Kringees Mom taught him to smoke while jumping rope. Kringees Mom did this to protest the high cost of a ticket on Maple Airplane Airlines.


----------



## How Do I

Kringees Mom is the cap'n of a shrimpin' boat named Jenny based out of Mobile. If you need a recipe for shrimp salad or shrimp stew, you can count on her.



On cool summer evenings, Joshie sits in a rocker on her front porch and smokes a corn cob pipe pondering what it would be like to live in the great state of New York.


----------



## soulsurvivor

How Do I is at the Gulf Coast as we speak giving advice to the oil spill cleanup crews on how to clean up the shrimp and crab that she's going to bring back and sell to the neighbors. I can hear her now, "...using paper towels moistened with white vinegar carefully lift and clean under each appendage..."


----------



## clovis

Soulsurvivor tells everyone that her garden is so big that it is one of the few man made things on earth that you can see from space.


----------



## soulsurvivor

It's difficult to keep up with clovis these days. He's on a whirwind book signing tour for his latest book called "How To Successfully Rub Two Dimes Together".


----------



## Kringees Mom

Soulsurvivor is so cheap that she waited to find Clovis' book at a yard sale for a nickel. After reading it she proclaimed "2 dimes is one too many!" She is currently writing a sequel to Clovis' book called Two is Too Many, How to Split a Penny


----------



## clovis

Living in south Alabama, Kringees Mom is actually looking forward to the oil slick that is moving towards the gulf shore. She's even thinking about throwing a party for its arrival.


----------



## bill83

Lately, Clovis has been spotted with a Big Mac on the breath!:teehee:


----------



## soulsurvivor

bill83 goes squirrel hunting and can smell the nutty breath of a squirrel before it knows what hit them. He always gets his limit.


----------



## Ravenlost

soulsurvivor wishes Kris would move back to MI. She thinks KY just ain't big enough for the two of them!


----------



## thebaker

Ravenlost is the sweetest kindest person as long you don't say she can't cook worth a dime.. 

J/K Ravenlost..


----------



## Ode

pssssstttt...thebaker actually can't bake!!! Pass it on...


----------



## Joshie

Ode has decided to swim the English Channel next week. The main problem with this plan is that Ode can't swim.


----------



## clovis

Joshie is a dude, not a chick, like many previously believed. He uses cute little fonts when posting on HT, just to mislead people about his gender.


----------



## PNP Katahdins

Joshie is in fact a male horse, no kidding. He has learned to pass in the human world but has a split personality disorder. Laura is his female human side.

Peg


----------



## springvalley

Peg, from PNP Katahdins, has to have hair sheep because she has a rare deformity. She was born with velcro on the palms of her hands, and could not let go of regular wool sheep. >Thanks Marc


----------



## soulsurvivor

spring valley took her name from a bottle of water. Yep, she's pretty inventive that way. Hi, what's your name? (duh, has to think long and hard about this and looks around and oh yea on this bottle it says spring valley and yea that sounds good) Well, hi there yourself. My name is spring valley. What's your name? (and hope it's something that spring valley will recognize and be able to pronounce). Nice to meet you spring valley. My name is Deer Park.(and it's love at first sight and big gulp).


----------



## Ohio dreamer

Soulsurvivor is more of a statement of fact then a name. See, the other 6 personalities were exercised successfully, but this last one is still hanging on. Some days I feel sorry for the host body....who in real life is a Financial CEO of a major firm that lives in a Penthouse in NY...then I realize I like the "extra personality" better then the real person.


----------



## Common Tator

Ohio Dreamer saw the movie Superman as a child. She was obsessed with the idea of changing her clothes in a phone booth, and has been doing it so long she can't change anywhere else. Now there are so few phone booths, that she is afraid the last one will be removed, and she will have to wear the same clothes for the rest of her life!


----------



## HorseGirl31

CommonTator(LOL!) secretly loves nothing better than to have a pickle, onion, liver and mayo sandwich at night after work.


----------



## Common Tator

HorseGirl is horrified that I eat pickle, onion and liver sandwiches because her toes look just like little gherkin pickles. When she was a baby, she sucked her toes and discovered the taste just like gherkins too!


----------



## clovis

Common Tator is so dumb she thinks Cinco de Mayo is a Mexican salad dressing.


----------



## Zipporah

Clovis once dressed as a Chihuahua for a Cinco de Mayo


----------



## Kris in MI

Zipporah put a little pink tutu on Clovis when he was dressed as a chihuahua and carried him around in her purse. She wanted to be just like Paris Hilton.


----------



## clovis

Wanna know sumpin' about Kris in MI?

She feels that it is every parents' duty to buy their children a car as soon as they turn 16. Kris is saving right now, and is going to order some really nice, brand new Korean built cars for her kids. Leather, sun roof, loud stereo, 20's and the whole nine yards. Nothing but the finest for Kris' kids!!!!!


----------



## Ravenlost

clovis' mama loves spices, but couldn't convince her hubby to name the baby Clove so she had to settle for Clovis (who also has a brother named Garlis because of their mama's love of garlic).


----------



## HorseGirl31

Ravenlost is laying on a hammock between two palm trees in the Bahamas, typing on her laptop.


----------



## springvalley

Horsegirl31 has just purchased a small third world country where horses where a beast of burden. Now the horses rule and people pull them around on carts and carridges. And she rules her kingdom with an iron horse shoe. > Thanks Marc


----------



## beccachow

springvalley really lives in a valley made of metal springs. He doesn't walk anywhere, he sproings.


----------



## soulsurvivor

:dance: ooh, ooh, someone fan me down! I just had a celebrity sighting! I can't believe it! I actually saw beccachow! Yea! You know her! She's the chow down champ of the world! You ain't seen nothin' til you see her chowing down all those hot peppers in less than a minute. :hysterical: I think the judges said it was over a hundred peppers she chowed. ound: Want some wa wa becca? See Deer Park and spring valley... hey! don't breathe that fire on me. You sure your name isn't dragon something or other?


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor thinks she is a fire breathing dragon when she actually just has really bad breath. Her family is trying to convince her that brushing her one remaining tooth would be a really good idea.


----------



## Ravenlost

HorseGirl31 said:


> Ravenlost is laying on a hammock between two palm trees in the Bahamas, typing on her laptop.


I wish! 

Joshie likes to roll her neighbor's yard when she has insomnia.


----------



## QuiltingLady2

Ravenslost -

Lost her bird a few months ago and has been looking for it ever since. So sad a girl w/o her Raven. :sob:


----------



## Michael W. Smith

QuiltingLady2 thinks she is the reincarnated Betsy Ross.

And while she thinks she is a master at sewing, quilting, embrodering, etc, her projects end up looking like a 3 year old did them.


----------



## Kris in MI

Michael W. Smith is actually horrible at remembering birthdays. His poor wife has to remind him.


----------



## chickenmommy

Kris doesn't really live in Michigan. She/He (who really knows?) actually lives in Las Vegas and heads up a burlesque show ( see what I mean?) along the lines of La Cage A Faux but the exact opposite.


----------



## thebaker

chickenmommy got her name from having way to many chickens that follow her around like a she's the momma hen.


----------



## soulsurvivor

chickenmommy makes little sunbonnets for her chickens and ties them on their head in an effort to keep her hot chicks from frying in the hot Florida sun.


----------



## soulsurvivor

thebaker is a census taker that's hooked on counting your chickens, even the ones that haven't yet hatched. Personally, I think she works for the IRS as an undercover agent since she's counting those chickens before they hatch.


----------



## beccachow

Soulsurvivor is one of those chicken that never hatched. Kind of sad, really. She has a tiny little laptop inside the egg with her.


----------



## Joshie

Beccachow works for a syndicate that created accidents for the world's largest insurance scam. What makes this even worse is the fact that she's a cop.


----------



## Ode

Joshie invented those little forms that you put over developing fruit on a tree so it takes on the shape of the form! Next invention I hear are forms for the trees, which should bring down the prices on bonsai considerably.


----------



## soulsurvivor

ode is fascinated with all things related to wood since working with a team of Italian scientists that is turning wood into bone:
http://www.wimp.com/replacebone/

If this comes into the medical field as standard practice we'll all be saying "ode"s to the ode. :clap:


----------



## Linkovich

soulsurvivor crash landed two years ago on a remote island. Alas, he was sadly the soul survivor. 3 months later a ship came sailing by and bought him safe and sound back home.


----------



## HorseGirl31

Linkovich loves to use her Ez Open Egg Cracker!


----------



## Ravenlost

HorseGirl31 eats sweet feed with milk for breakfast. She thinks it tastes just like granola. She also shampoos with Mane and Tail and has been known to neigh (not snore) in her sleep!


----------



## clovis

Ravenlost worked for the Coca Cola Corporation, well, until she became head of the marketing department, and decided they needed to introduce New Coke.


----------



## Ravenlost

Oh no, I'm the one who invented Diet Coke! LOL...

clovis once danced on tables at the county fair wearing a cow costume.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I'm just passing along the information as I get it but Ravenlost is doing business selling pie birds. ummm, no, I'm not going to ask where she gets her inventory but I'll say this - she sells a high quality product and the pie bird looks so realistic and really does a high squeal whistle when baked in a pie.


----------



## Ode

soulsurvivor really wasn't, there were 3 others who survived the very same experience!


----------



## Narshalla

Ode can't count, if he could he would know that there were six of us there, him included!


----------



## Joshie

Narshalla eats only marshmallows and shells. She makes a tasty treat called marshallas.


----------



## clovis

Joshie is so dumb that she is extremely envious that so many people get a charlie horse, and can't figure out why she can't have a few charlie horses to ride in her pasture.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Ever so resourceful, clovis makes a mean green rice krispies treat that he uses as a sticky fly trap. Ah, but when the trap is coated with dead flies, that's when he then uses it for catfish bait. I'm telling you, clovis is the mean green man  when it comes to being kind to our environment. He does walk lightly upon this green earth of ours.


----------



## HorseGirl31

soulsurvivor loves to eat ham and egg rolls, on the grill.


----------



## Common Tator

Horsegirl31 isn't all horse. She did her genealogy and found out that her great-great-great-great-grandmother, on her father's side is a mule. She also found out that her crazy free thinking cousin married a zebra. She is so ashamed and upset that she burned the genealogy and refuses to discuss it with anyone.


----------



## Joshie

Common Tator is married to Mr. Potato Head. It's amazing that Mr. Potato Head married common Tator because somehow, when Common Tator (aka Mrs. Potato Head) was made her ear was placed where her mouth should be.

Common Tator is also considering a law suit because Disney used her husband's likeness without his permission.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie is so talented. She's now selling a line of unique handcrafted jewelry made of dead bugs encased in resin. I especially like her belt buckle made from a praying mantis. No one ever sees it without making a comment on how lovely it is.


----------



## clovis

Even though we've joked about the origins of soulsurvivor's user name quite a bit, the truth is that she was the producer of a reality TV pilot, where contestants, dropped off on a remote tropical island without food or water, had to survive for 30 days while dancing as if they were on Soul Train, and a mix of funk, R&B and gangsta rap was played 24/7.

She still harbors tremendous resentment that the networks refused her show and cannot believe that it wouldn't "appeal to mainstream America."


----------



## Guest

Clovis wrote his PhD dissertation, a 563 page answer to the cosmic question..."How's it going?" and it got eaten by the dog. As a result, he quit the Smith Brothers College of Knowledge and spent the next 30 years as street philosopher in Tucumcari, MN. His city motto "We welcome you to get your kicks in Tucumcari (pronounced TOO-kum-kair-ee,) the Heart of the Mother Road and the Gateway City of Murals " was top choice among the 2 entries.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I'm personally in awe of zong's ability to make up the biggest lies in history. I've read that the secret of zong is locked up securely in the basement of the Vatican. The ancient history we have access to is only a hint of what zong has achieved throughout the ages. Recall Admiral Byrd? zong was there and zong wrote that masterpiece of conspiracy. Recall the Roswell incident? zong was there and assisted in the cleanup of all public announcements for that news edition. And so it goes, one questionable incident after another. And zong is always "there" and reporting for the rest of us. We owe much to zong.


----------



## clovis

Whenever Soulsurvivor hears the classic song "Dancing in the Streets", she thinks it is an edict, and stops her car wherever she is, and literally starts dancing in the street.

This caused quite a traffic jam last weekend on I-65 in Kentucky.


----------



## beccachow

Clovis was actually the Dog Fleegle in the hit TV program, The Banana Split Show. He then took the costume and tried out to be McGruff, the crime dog. He became angry when he was turned down for that role, and made peepee on the carpet in the studio, prompting an executive to smack him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper and call him a bad dog.


----------



## Joshie

Beccachow eats only parsnips. She always dresses like Daisy May while eating those parsnips.


----------



## Ode

Joshie hates parsnips, and is working with Monsanto to develop an effective parsnip virus to kill off the horrible things once and for all!


----------



## Linkovich

Ode grew up in the former Soviet Union and in 1982 dug a trench under the Berlin Wall to escape into the west. Many people used this trench in the coming years to escape and it is now listed as a tourist attraction. Visitors to the area can crawl along this underground passageway for the small fee of 10 EUR! Hours of operation are 12:00-18:30, please contact +49 30 20312 0 for further information and entrance points.


----------



## stickinthemud

Linkovich is posting from the little booth in Berlin where he sells tickets to the tourist trench.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Cindy is SW PA, aka "stickinthemud", is always looking for ways to volunteer her unique talent of sniffing out the bad guys. She can use her nose to sniff out bad body odor and can tell authorities exactly what that person has put through their system within the past 48 hours. No warrants are needed because this is an undercover operation and the men on the wrong side of the law never guess that it's stickinthemud's unique nose talent that has ratted them out. Respect the law I always say. :lonergr:


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor likes to say that she respects the law but she is really the most notorious bank robber on the East Coast. Run for the hills when you see her coming! :hobbyhors


----------



## Toads tool

Joshie eats his boogers.


----------



## Our Little Farm

Toad knows this because they have a race to see who can eat the most. Joshie only pretends to do it, but Toad plays to win and does so every time.


----------



## Ravenlost

Our Little Farm was judge of the Booger Eating Contest. It's an annual contest held every year in Boogietown, USA. For some reason, Joshie and toads tool were the only two contestants, so judging wasn't very difficult this year. Our Little Farm tends to get a bit snotty about being judge.


----------



## Joshie

Ravenlost impersonated me and entered the Booger Eating Contest. Toads tool needs new glasses because he (?) thought that Ravenlost, impersonating me, was a man. _Everyone_ knows we're both females!


----------



## Ode

Joshie doesn't like to inform people that she only became a legal she recently, after the operation and day in court. Chaz Bono told me so, he was there the same day.


----------



## Joshie

Ode _is _Chaz Bono and has a crush on me. My husband and children are really getting sick of Ode.


----------



## Ravenlost

Joshie just thought it was me impersonating her. Actually, it was Ode.


----------



## beccachow

Ravenlost is crying for help with her screen name. The letters re-arranged are, "Stolen Var." It is code for Var dealers. Whatever Var is. Care to enlighten us?? Hmmm??


----------



## clovis

beccachow voted for Obama.


----------



## Guest

Ooohh, low blow. low blow. Clovis is trying desperately to get this thread under congressional investigation so that he can moon that million year old senator from West Virginia. It's a personal thing for Clovis, so don't ask.


----------



## clovis

Zong voted for Obama too.


----------



## soulsurvivor

clovis knows all about who votes for whom because he rigs the voting machines, computerized they're not. They're clovisized. How else do you think he got his driveway blacktopped and under government care? How else do you think he doesn't have to pay the same tax rate the rest of us do? How else do you think he can know who you voted for? clovis isn't that psychic.


----------



## Joshie

Soulsuvivor and Clovis are married. They are know nationally as Mr. and Mrs. Obama. 

By the way, you started it, Clovis!


----------



## clovis

Joshie voted for Obama too. *He* set up the Obama for President election campaign in Illinois.


----------



## Joshie

Oops, are you female too, Clovis?

Clovis does the tango wearing a clove studded Duct tape suit.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie is a tatoo artist and uses herself as an advertising billboard for political campaigns that pay the big bucks. Inside her right palm, the hand she uses to cover her heart when saying the Pledge of Allegiance, is a big heart tatoo of Obama.


----------



## Ode

soulsurvivor is Joshie's personal tattoo artist. I also believe soulsurvivor to be the one who ratted out my secret identity as Chaz Bono.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I'm actually referred to as zipper lips. On the other hand the "ode" is full of gossip and loves to share it so much that ode is the publisher of Esquire both online and offline. Now, that's Esquire for the inquiring minds that wanna know. Ode also does the talk show circuit and should be posting that schedule soon. It's being said that Lady Ga Ga won't appear on the same stage with Ode, but that doesn't bother Ode's ratings. When you're at zero there's no way but uP.


----------



## Joshie

Ode/Chaz tattooed a zipper on soulsurvivor's lips. Soulsurvivor's family wants to surgically place a real zipper there because she has loose lips.


----------



## Otter

Joshie uses all this political jazz to cover up the fact that she's actually one of the ALIENS really controlling our government:teehee:


----------



## clovis

Otter moved to Salem, Arkansas because he believed that they gave out free Salem cigarettes to any resident of that community.


----------



## Otter

Clovis is the one who did my sex-change operation to make me a guy - that's why I took up smoking.


----------



## thebaker

Otter got the name because he lives at the river called otter river where all the otters are..


----------



## PNP Katahdins

Now I'm confused. Is Otter a he or a she, or both? Thebaker seems to know. I thought it was short for Otterhound, anyway.


----------



## Joshie

PNP is unable to tell if anyone is a he or a she. Otter *used* to be a woman. Unfortunately, when Otter agreed to use laughing gas while getting her teeth cleaned, Clovis came in the room and unexpectedly did a sex change operation. 

PNP is more confused than ever. PNP is thinking about going to Clovis's dental office but isn't sure whether he/she should end up as a he or a she.


----------



## Otter

Last year when I had a baby, the doctors all _assumed_ I was a she, but it might have just been Joshie's alien mind control.


----------



## Ode

Otter believed that Joshie was behind the alien mind control of the doctors at her baby's birth. In reality, the baby was the alien! Elvis and the aliens have been working together for quite some time to impregnate an unsuspecting human. Unfortunately for the aliens, they impregnated an otter instead.


----------



## Joshie

Poor little Bruce.....

Ode is a psychiatrist. We should *all *be worried............


----------



## PNP Katahdins

Bruce is a baby otter, not an alien! Or maybe a toddler otter by now. Haven't seen any photos of him from the trail camera lately.

Joshie wanted to be a psychiatrist when she was growing up and is now jealous of Ode. Little does she know that Ode wanted to be a horse long ago.

Peg


----------



## Ode

PNP Katahdins was deeply disappointed that the baby alien turned out to be a baby otter instead. She is working on a breeding program with Elvis and the aliens to create a sheep/human hybrid called sheeple. The aliens are hoping that the sheeple will taste better than soylent green, and produce an acceptable fiber as well.


----------



## Otter

Ok, I confess.
I was part of PNP Katahdins secret breeding program.
The baby's father *IS* Elvis. And an alien. And secretly runs our government. And his secret code name is _*ODE!!*_

And this is how poor little Bruce reacted to learning he was an alien love child.


----------



## Ode

That is one angry alien. If I was Otter, I would be very afraid...


----------



## Otter

Otter is very afraid.
Unlike the lovely self portrait in my avatar, that baby is nearly bald, can't swim and refuses to eat fish. Just like Ode!

All the other otters at otter river sit there and laugh at me, smoking their Salem cigarettes and wondering if they should call me Mr or Mrs.

I knew I shouldn't have taken that candy PNP Kahtadins offered me.

I blame Joshie's alien mind control and Clovis's laughing gas


----------



## PNP Katahdins

(Otter, you get extra points for the cute Bruce photo, too, thanks!)

Notice how most other HTers have been afraid to join this discussion lately? They must be sitting inside watching cartoons or something constructive like that.

Peg


----------



## Minelson

PNP is actually in a cartoon. She is the voice of Scooby Doo...


----------



## thebaker

Minelson has been working in their 4 acre garden all day so they can have 8 freezers full of garden stuff for winter instead of raising meat goats to put in the freezer. :lookout:


----------



## Joshie

The other HTers are scared to death to participate. They're afraid that they'll have to taste test thebaker's new recipe for otter pie. 

Oh, I can't believe how big Bruce is getting. He's such a cutie.


----------



## ChristieAcres

Joshie, ie "Laura" secretly eats horses. When she isn't eating them, she is stealing chickens. For fun, she tortures honey bees. 

Guess I am not one of the "other HTers," but than you must know who I am...tell me!

Yes, Bruce is a cutie, for real!


----------



## soulsurvivor

Hi All and it's old zipper lips reporting from Egypt. I'm here with Joshie and thebaker at the right paw of the Sphinx awaiting permission from Dr. Hawass to enter the tunnels of the Giza complex. I wish I could say that we're here to carry off gold and treasure, but we're actually trying to rescue ode and otter from a flooded tunnel that's close to the tail of the Sphinx. Oh, and clovis, minelson, and PNPKat are right now playing ride the horsey on the back of the Sphinx. Joshie says that all the old stuff here makes her feel young in comparsion. lorichristie is waiting for Dr. Hawass to show up at his office so she can get our permission slips to give the gate guards when we go to seek out the ode and otter combo. Wish us luck. We're going to need it.


----------



## beccachow

soulsurvivor, contrary to what her name says, will not make it back from this trip. She will be attacked and wrapped in bandages by the others.


----------



## Otter

beccachow already has the bandages ready, she hopes to film the whole thing and make her fortune with new Mummy movies.


----------



## thebaker

beccachow and otter are thinking of making a new movie called the underground mummy but otter forgot to ask beccachow where to drive to so otter could get to the underground opening to do the movie.


----------



## shiandpete.1

Thebaker chose their name to make them feel better about their baking skills, besides does theburner sound good? Lol


----------



## thebaker

shiandpete.1 has been stuck in Paris for weeks due to they didn't have the correct plane ticket to be able to get back home for a huge party..


----------



## soulsurvivor

You didn't hear this from me, but thebaker and thecandlestickmaker are eloping. They're looking forward to having buns in the oven soon.


----------



## thebaker

soulsurvivor got their name from where they was stuck on a lonely beach for years. So they had too learn how to survive the worst of storms or finding food.


----------



## Otter

ok, I'm just going to spill the secret.
Thebaker isn't a baker at all, not even a burner ...
but a fisher!

That's right, thebaker made up the name while mending trawl nets and daydreaming. After all, who doesn't love the smell of fresh baked bread? The smell of fish however....

His best friend isn't a candlestick maker either.


----------



## Joshie

Otter and thebaker are best friends. Otter is a candlestick maker who likes to eat the fish caught in thebaker's nets, especially when they are stinky rotten.


----------



## soulsurvivor

:nono: Joshie, Joshie, Joshie..... ah well, your jealousy is showing again. You know you love those tiny rotten fishies smelling up the house. Some call them sardines, but you, dear Joshie, call them morsels from heaven. And just how far along have you gotten with writing that cookbook of sardine recipes?


----------



## Ohio dreamer

Soulsurvivor did get their name as thebaker said, but what thebaker forgot to mention was that after years of being alone and almost starving to death soulsurvivor finally decided to make the 1/4 mile walk into town. Stopping at McDonald's and Pizza Hut along the way.


----------



## Joshie

Ohio dreamer believes all children should go to public school and has filed a lawsuit to prevent all people from homeschooling children. Her homeschooling blog is a ruse.

Ohio dreamer hopes to use the proceeds from the her lawsuit to start another lawsuit that will force all people to eat only at McDonald's and Pizza Hut.


----------



## thebaker

Me and Joshie is always sitting on the edge of the ocean bank trying to figure out better ways to make a bigger, better and stronger net to be able to haul in over 50,000 lbs of fresh yellow-tail tuna...


----------



## Our Little Farm

thebaker is the top food manufacturer at McDonalds. She spends hours designing the next chicken mcnuggets shape. It takes hours to get the cardboard filling soft enough to mold into nugget shapes, but she has become an expert at it. 

Known for such an achievement thebaker is now talking to joshie about using all the sardines she can provide. They are arguing about what shape to mold the sardines/cardboard into, and are considering a clowns face.

Beccachow walked out of the meeting, saying it would scare all the little children.
Soulsurvivor laughed so hard her she fell off her chair.


----------



## soulsurvivor

ound: yep, I got me a quick humor and I'm easily tickled, but that falling off the chair only happens when Our Little Farm is around. I've seen her play Musical Chairs without the music before. They've had to ban her from the local courthouse because she likes to go in the courtroom and grab the chair right out from under the presiding judge. LOL!! :bash:


----------



## Joshie

Can the beach be in Hawaii, thebaker? Pretty please!!

soulsurvivor fell out of the chair when Our Little Farm pulled it out from under her. You see, soulsurvivor is a judge. The only problem is that she's a Judge in those pageants for little girls. She only gives high scores to the little girls, around 1 1/2 years old, who bleach their hair, have the few teeth they have whitened, and wear heavy makeup. 

soulsurvivor, in fact, has prematurely aged because she tans three times a day.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Well sure I tan three times a day. Doesn't everyone? How do you think thebaker got her name? By _baking_ cupcakes? :smiley-laughing013: Joshie is always at thebaker's house smearing SPF30 on her good friend and begging her to keep covered. :hrm:


----------



## beccachow

Soulsurvivor has installed sun lamps all over her house instead of regular light bulbs. Her skin is so tough and leathery, that Joshie wants to make a saddle from it.


----------



## Otter

Beccachow doesn't need sun lamps. In fact, she doesn't even _like_ the sun. Probably because she's albino and lives in a cave, but these days will call it "pigmently challenged"


----------



## thebaker

Otter,beccachow and soulsurvivor have been out in the 50 acre tobacco field all day trying to get all the newly tobacco plants planted before it gets way too hot. Then Joshie came along drinking a nice cold coke in a glass bottle and Otter seen Joshie with the cold coke before Joshie can say a word Otter tackled them so they could have a drink of the coke then beccachow and soulsurvivor came running for a drink of it too. 

When they got out of the tobacco field Otter asked soulsurvivor how was the installing of the sun lamps going at their house? 

beccachow told Otter that soulsurvior was taking way too long to them installed. Joshie overheard the conversion an said they would help install the sun lamps for a payment of 10 dollars a hr.. :lookout:


----------



## Joshie

We now know that thebaker lives in a residential psychiatric facility because _everyone_ knows I hate Coke and only drink Diet Pepsi!

Otter and beccachow are also patients but they are under the delusion that they work there.


----------



## soulsurvivor

and I'm Nurse Cratchett and see all and tell nothing. Joshie is our premiere patient and we keep a daily log of her big lies. It's turning a profit for our residential care facility to sell copies of Josie's "lies" to the Bollywood movie studios in India. And no, we're not breaking any laws. We do change the names involved. We refer to Joshie as "the cereal liar". No one is the wiser. :indif:


----------



## Joshie

soulsurvivor will only eat generic cereal.


----------



## stickinthemud

Soulsurvivor only eats generic cereal because Rice Krispies started to feel too much like cannibalism after Kelloggs hired thebaker to cook tiny phones into the rice using recordings of Joshie, beckachow & Otter to make the "snap, crackle, pop" but Joshie won't say who's who.


----------



## soulsurvivor

stickinthemud is on a sour grapes kick against all things corporate right now. She was "let go" by BP recently after having worked many years for this company as an oil warning marker on the Gulf coast. So stickinthemud was yanked, spanked, and fired all in one day and the trauma of that is still as fresh in her mind as is the oil that is dripping off her stick. She has our deepest sympathies. :Bawling:

NOTE: Please don't take the above as anything but a well intentioned joke. I'm very concerned and worried about the current situation in the Gulf because of the ongoing oil spill.


----------



## Joshie

soulsuvivor's real initials are BP. Her real name is Boopsie Poopsie Pickle Pie. She thinks that the initials BPPP are too long and make her feel like she has to use the restroom.


----------



## Wolf mom

The last few posts are all lies - Lies, I tell you! Lies! NOT a shred of truth.


----------



## thebaker

Wolfmom is upset because she's not been included in all these post..Wolfmom would like to be included in these post so they will not be left out no more due to she is jealous for not been able to make a big fishing net with my co-worker Joshie.. Joshie is the best worker I've had so far for making that new fish netting. soulsurvivor is a wonderful person but lots to add more lightning to her home..


----------



## Otter

Thebaker and Joshie are making a special net to catch Wolfmom and all her little wolves because soulsurvivor wants to start up a relocation program on her island.


----------



## General Brown

Why, would anyone want to practice telling lies?

This thread makes no sence to me at all.


----------



## clovis

General Brown, in all actuality, loves this thread, and laughs hysterically when reading it. In fact, they are researching copyright laws so they can steal the entire thread, and publish it in hardbound. Leather covered collectors editions will be the first books to be released.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Clovis is very much awaiting the release of General Brown's book pirating adventure titled "Bah, Herbug". Clovis owns the outlet strip mall's only bookstore. It's a little shop back in the corner named Bookie's Nookies and business needs a perk such as a book signing for General Brown's new book. It also helps that General Brown looks exactly like Elvis in his blue suede years.


----------



## thebaker

clovis is a very nice person but if you step on her toes she will get a rattlesnake an skin it then make a some snake stew an tell everyone its chicken.. 

General Brown this is for having fun instead of going nuts in this cruel world. It may help people relax an have fun... At least I enjoy doing it as I know the ones that posted aren't going to get upset.. This is just fun..NO HARM IN IT..:grin:


----------



## soulsurvivor

General Brown, if you believe anyone here, don't choose thebaker. She's on this cupcake binge and her blood sugars are keeping her in the twilight happy zone. Ever so often she stops stuffing her mouth with cupcakes and decides to take Joshie fishing and they stock up on bluegill and bass and have a massive deep oil fish fry and eat it all by themselves. The only evidence they leave behind is a few bones lying around. They will also have oily chests where they used their shirt as a napkin.


----------



## Wolf mom

No matter that thebaker and Joshie look like chubby balloons rolling around the beach after their fish fries and cupcake deserts - they do it all in the name of "good health" while soulsurvivor cries because he was excluded from the party. :buds:


----------



## Otter

Wolf's mom wasn't invited to the party either. That's why she's going to get her biggest cub to huff and puff and blow thebaker's boat away. But first she has to get The General to release him from what he calls "the army" but is really the trunk of this orange sports car.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Otter doesn't tell the truth either. If he did you would know that otter is really a beaver in disguise. And as if that wasn't bad enough, he's totally color blind and can't tell the difference between yellow or orange. He's puckered his little lips lots by mistaking the lemons for oranges. Wolf mom went to visit otter and he offered her a cool drink. Wolf mom was inwardly horrified that the drink was pure straight lemon juice, but Wolf mom was too nice to tell otter that it was a horrible drink. So, everyone just continues to be "nice" and none really tell the truth, but everyone has nicely puckered lips to admire.

oh, and I don't recommend otter's lemonade stand either. That is some dangerous terror there. :umno:


----------



## clovis

As her personal publicist and public speaking coach, soulsurvivor recently advised IndyCar driver Danica Patrick to say "its not my fault" if her car wouldn't go any faster. 

She then told Ms. Patrick that "the boos you hear from the stands just mean that they love you."


----------



## soulsurvivor

clovis said:


> As her personal publicist and pubic speaking coach, soulsurvivor recently advised IndyCar driver Danica Patrick to say "its not my fault" if her car wouldn't go any faster.
> 
> She then told Ms. Patrick that "the boos you hear from the stands just mean that they love you."


As a "pubic" speaking coach, I'm often invited to lecture women's groups about the dangers of body hair removal. And I must say that I very much appreciate that clovis sometimes volunteers as a live model for my lectures on how not to apply a bandaid.


----------



## beccachow

And speaking of hair removal, now you didn't hear this from me, but if you look at the time that soulsurvivor posted last it is 2am. That is what time she needs to get up daily to shave her back before work. She was requested to not wear a two piece bathing suit to the beach because horseshoe crabs kept getting tangled in her back hair.


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow has been hired by BP to be part of their ocean life cleanup effort during the oil spill. She's now known as "nit picker" because she will remove any crabs and place them in safer environments.


----------



## Linkovich

Soulsurvivor has teamed up with U2 to offer a concert at her little farm. All are welcome, BBQ dinner to accompany.


----------



## beccachow

Linkovich is blissfully unaware that s/he is actually going to BE the barbecue. Soulsurvivor is a real tightwad. Warning to Linkovich: Please don't go to the barbecue early to get an autograph from U2, it is a set up.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Linkovich, sorry pal but the U2 concert has been cancelled. Bono just got out of the hospital after having emergency back surgery and the band has cancelled their entire American tour until 2011. 

Out of deep friendship and consideration, Our Little Farm has agreed to go on and host the barbecue provided Linkovich is still willing to help with the barbeque. 

And don't fret or worry beccachow. Linkovich is still planning on asking you to be his escort to our little barbeque, so you won't be left out of the fun.

I hear that Sweet Baby Ray is going to attend too. :rock: Rock on sista!


----------



## Tracy Rimmer

SoulSurvivor is an elder in a secret cult-like religion where they worship Jeff Probst and George Hamilton as gods. All members are required by religious order to own tanning beds and set aside a portion of their monthly income for hair care products.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Tracy Rimmer got her name by being the Canadian champion in making those rim shots........ oh, in basketball too. :bow: 

oh, and General Brown, if you're still taking notes you can add Tracy to your list of "you can't never ever believe a word she says". I know your list is getting long, but it's for your complete safety to be aware of these things. :run:


----------



## beccachow

General Brown is soulsurvivor's neighbor, and he has never been invited to one of her barbecues. That's why he is upset. He thinks soulsurvivor is a snob. Also, his pet chinchilla disappeared one day, the very day that soulsurvivor fired up her barbecue for what she called Chinchy Chili.


----------



## Oggie

Beccachow isn't as tasty as puppy chow, but much better that cat chow.


----------



## beccachow

Oggie actually started a large feline rescue society for cats in OK. Too bad he, unbeknownst to the public, was giving them to soulsurvivor for her tasty barbecues. Note to self: Do not eat at Oggie's OR soulsurvivor's.


----------



## Minelson

Beccachow is an amazing horse trainer...people flock from miles to see her load a horse into a trailer backwards.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Minelson is booking the talent for Our Little Farm's barbeque. Aren't we lucky?
No U2 but now we'll have Becca's Butt Backers.


----------



## stickinthemud

Soulsurvivor is still trying to put together a band for the BBQ. Now that Kevin is free from that Leno gig, he might be available, but so far he has not responded. Maybe it has something to do with the pink tutu and feather boa uniforms?


----------



## soulsurvivor

oh stickinthemud, you haven't heard the latest. Someone stole all the Tonight Show band's uniforms. I swear to you on my last hiccup breath that I had nothing to do with it, but you certainly know some minor details about costumes you've never laid your eyes on. Now how can that be? You going telepathic on us?


----------



## clovis

Being a little annoyed that it was ever placed on the endangered animal list, soulsurvivor is still planning on serving bald eagle at her up and coming BBQ.

While a little hard to find, soulsurviror says that bald eagle tastes just like chicken.


----------



## beccachow

clovis actually painted a chicken to look like a bald eagle and served it to soulsurvivor. It was MY chicken and I am actually pretty ticked about it.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Clever clovis wants me to admit to tasting bald eagle for he'd like nothing better than to see me behind those black bars. That's his idea of great "grilled" chicken with all the grill marks showing. :hijacked:

Actually, Our Little Farm has a pet mule she's needing to cull from the herd, so guess what's for barbeque? You got it! Jack! :cowboy:


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow said:


> clovis actually painted a chicken to look like a bald eagle and served it to soulsurvivor. It was MY chicken and I am actually pretty ticked about it.


:awh: And did it answer to the name of LUCKY? I especially enjoyed its legs.


----------



## Bret

soulsurvivor has been invited to a carry in BBQ and was asked to bring a large cooler of raw milk.


----------



## Linkovich

Bret favorite cow is being milked for soulsurvivor's BBQ.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Linkovich, I think you've got Bret mixed up with someone else. Bret doesn't know which end of a cow to milk because he's too busy telling Ms. Scarlett where to go.


----------



## beccachow

soulsurvivor don't know nothin' bout birthin' no babies. Speaking of Ms Scarlett, of course.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Bret and beccachow have begun yet another of their new business ventures. This one should be good. They work as a team and will come to your homestead and cure your livestock of all psychological problems. Bret counsels cows on releasing pent up tensions to allow for greater milk production and beccachow counsels horses that don't know which way is forward due to poor communication skills with humans.

Linkovich sometimes travels with this duo to record sessions for posting on youtube.com and so far there's talk that Linkovich has been approached by at least one famous movie maker interested in producing a film called "Whacked Whisperers" based on those video cams of Bret and beccachow "whispering" the livestock into obedience. 

See? You never know whom you're in the presence of because "whisperers" walk among us doing good as they go forth in this life of seeming normal reality. :angel::angel:


----------



## beccachow

Soulsurvivor was one of our first clients, actually. We were called out for the chicken-painted-to-look-like-a-bald-eagle incident. Soulsurvivor is quite nearsighted though, and didn't realize the "problem bird" was really a squirrel. It was just a little...wait for it...wait for it...nutty.


----------



## Joshie

beccachow opened a new pet sitting business. Unfortunately, she has "lost" all but the tiniest of her charges. She has recently been providing soulsurvivor with all of her BBQ meat.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Fish & Wildlife have confiscated Joshie's hunting/fishing license for taking over limits of fish and hunting out of season on nutty squirrels. Yes, I'm concerned because I was really counting on her contributions to our upcoming BBQ. But not to dissapoint, she's set up a moonshine operation to provide the spirits for the BBQ. I've told her it's a non-drinking crowd that's attending but she's intent on making a donation to the festivities. She claims that moonshine is her secret ingredient for her mouth-watering BBQ sauce. I'm leaving that up to her and Sweet Baby Ray to work out.


----------



## Guest

Soulsurvivor actually started out as *SOLE*survivor, being the only member left alive of her deep sea diver party. She(or he) told the coast guard that the entire group were eaten by some giant flat fish. The reality is that he(or she) had taken a handful of Michael Jackson pills and stomped her diver pals to death while bubbling "Look at me moonwalk, ya'll!!"


----------



## stickinthemud

Zong actually witnessed Sole's dastardly deed while installing a certain deep-water oil pipeline valve for BP out in the Gulf of Mexico.


----------



## beccachow

stickinthemud has been implicated in Jimmy Hoffa's disappearance.


----------



## Minelson

Beccachow sleeps on a bed that is so tall it is only inches from the ceiling. She thinks it's fun and spends most of her days sleeping there.


----------



## NickieL

Minelson drinks baby goat blood. She's really a vampire but drinks goats so she doesn't kill anyone.


----------



## beccachow

Well, Nickie, as a werewolf, you would know that, now wouldn't you?


----------



## Narshalla

beccachow said:


> Well, Nickie, as a werewolf, you would know that, now wouldn't you?


Beccachow, as a cyclops, you really don't have any room to criticize, now do you?


----------



## Otter

Narshalla is just upset because beccachow sees better out of her one eye then Narshalla does out of both.

If word leaks out, it might ruin Narshalla"s career as a real life Buffy the Vampire Slayre. She's been stalking Minelson for _weeks_


----------



## Joshie

Otter is going to come till my garden today even if it starts raining _again_!
Oooh, sorry. I know I was supposed to lie but I told the truth!


----------



## NickieL

Josie is turning into a swamp monster and soon will feel right at home in all that mud.


----------



## Narshalla

NickieL is happy about that, because NickieL wants more swamp monster friends!


----------



## clovis

Narshalla once bought a rototiller to use in her garden. After a summer of back breaking work, she returned the tiller to the store where she purchased it, and exclaimed "This is more work than its worth!"

The salesman pulled the rope several times and fired the tiller up.

Narshalla stood there in amazement, and then asked, "What is that loud noise that sounds like an engine, and why are those silver thingys turning?"


----------



## beccachow

Clovis was the salesman in his own post. Sadly, he wasn't trying to start the tiller, he was tring to turn on a light. Breathing fertilizer fumes at work hasn't been very good for Clovis.


----------



## Guest

Beccachow and Clovis are the same person!!! Clovis didn't want to be the thread killer of his own thread, so gave that ugly job to his alter ego, Beccachow!!!!


----------



## clovis

Zong is so dumb that he thinks ham radios come from pigs.

The poor guy has spent countless hours searching the meat aisles...


----------



## Joshie

It's clovis' fault that HT was down for the last few days.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie Joshie Joshie, poor child, you just got to keep away from that moon juice for a day or so to regain your misplaced thought processes. You can't explain your missing days that easily by blaming everyone for disappearing. You have to look within and search for that missing time. Give it time and maybe you'll recall that you've been out in the back forty practicing native dance as a talent skit for our upcoming Q.

I'm especially looking forward to the part of your act where you call the hogs. I watched birds drop dead out of the sky during that part of your routine. It's such a powerful thing to behold, kinda like a human sonic boom. What do you put in that moon juice anyways?


----------



## CaliannG

soulsurvivor played the Burger King clown in the BK Flame Cologne commercial.


----------



## clovis

CaliannG waits for nothing...

It is a real problem when she faces long lines.


----------



## Joshie

clovis is a belly dancer and doesn't understand why he doesn't get any gigs.


----------



## soulsurvivor

clovis, you should pay close attention to belly dancing advice from Joshie. She is a native dance expert in my opinion. After her practice session in the back forty the other day, I noticed that the oilrape crop there is now host to a beautifully formed crop circle. No aliens did that. Joshie did that with her amazing footwork.


----------



## beccachow

soulsurvivor, I have had enough of you blaming everyone for their antics. You took that lousy hypnosis class at Wal Mart and think you can just make any one do ANYTHING, like belly dances and native rituals. I will never again rob a bank for you, no matter HOW deep you try to put me under.


----------



## clovis

beccachow is actually a communist, but since the commies didn't run a presidential candidate, she went ahead and voted for Obama.


----------



## beccachow

(clovis, that one almost hurt, lol).

CLovis IS President Obama.


----------



## Otter

Beccachow would know. She's really Hilary Clinton and trying to cover up the hurt of not being elected by creating an alter ego here.

Don't worry hon,_ I_ voted for you. And whatever else they say about your hubby, when he got jobs, we ALL had jobs.


----------



## Joshie

Otter, AKA Ms. Clinton, spends so much time in the water that she has water for brains.


----------



## Narshalla

Joshie wants to use some of Otter's water to water his beets, which he planted in his left ear. The corn in his right ear is doing just fine.


----------



## shanzone2001

Narshalla is waiting anxiously to eat some of the corn Joshie is growing in her ear!!!


----------



## soulsurvivor

:teehee: oh, ok, it's takes me a minute to catch on but I finally get it - an EAR of corn... cute, that's cute. I'm always on the lookout for new ways to play words and that's a new one for my hip-no-tizing bag of tricks. And I'm thinking of adding "shanzone" to replace my "shezam" too. Sounds a bit smoother to say "shanzone yourself to that bank and get me a grand or two" rather than to say "shezam your self " or something such as that. 

so, we all still on for the Q? Joshie's ear corn is going to be prime along with all the other viddles and talent show stuff. 

ok, do you butter the corn while it's still in the ear or remove it from the ear first? That's an important answer to ascertain, as hot butter could be a burning sensation.


----------



## Otter

:shocked: That's not butter :tmi:


----------



## CaliannG

Otter watches reality T.V. shows.....


----------



## Otter

CalianG is ON reality tv shows ...


----------



## soulsurvivor

Otter said:


> :shocked: That's not butter :tmi:


hmmm, I thought it was "It's Not Butter". Are you speaking about a generic brand of not butter? 

In the Survival forum here at HT we sometimes discuss how to preserve butter. Some can their butter. I personally have a problem with doing something like that to butter, seeing as how it's never done me no harm.


----------



## CaliannG

soulsurvivor has a crush on Paris Hilton.


----------



## Otter

Soulsurvivor, if corn comes out of someone's ear covered in yellow stuff:teehee:, it's not butter.

But CaliannG knows all about that. She tried to corner the ears of corn grown in ears market and lost her millions, that's when she had to turn to spotlighting on reality TV. And what she _meant_ was; Paris Hilton has a crush on Soulsurviver. And CaliannG would know, because she and Paris are best friends


----------



## Joshie

Otter is an unsuccessful producer for reality television shows. She's currently trying to convince Narshalla that all females are really males. Of course, it would be easier on Otter if she'd clean out her ears once in a while.


Hmmm, all this talk about wilted lettuce and corn on the cob sure has me hungry.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie never bathes.


----------



## Narshalla

Beccachow Wishes she could smell half as much as Joshie.


----------



## Joshie

Narshalla only wishes she could go sans undies just like beccachow. 

Becky, you are baaaaaaad. Come sniff my armpit. :rock:


----------



## soulsurvivor

Just passing through but now I know where that over ripe sardine smell is coming from. Knocks me unconscious, but at least I can get some sleep that way. That crazy Paris parties all night every night.


----------



## beccachow

soulsurvivor...didn't. Actually, soulsurvivor is an angry spirit.


----------



## Otter

Beccachow is the witchdoctor who prevented soulsurvivor from going to the next world.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Otter is jealous of Beccachow because she has this extremely long fingernail on her right pinky finger.

Otter sucks a lot of air through reeds because of liking the swamp environment and can stay submerged away from the population for long siesta breaks just by sucking air through a reed.

Beccachow's fingernail looks just like the perfectly shaped reed that otter has been saving up to buy. 

I know from my last handshake with Beccachow that the fingernail is a fake glued together mess. 

Hey otter, go high five Beccachow. Bet you'd come away with that prize possession. 

ugh, sucking air through a 50 year old fingernail that's shaped like a water reed... ah, that's just gross.... :hrm:


----------



## CaliannG

soulsurvivor is actually a large, hairy, smelly, biker dude who is on this forum trolling for bored, stay-at-home Mom's to seduce. He has a bad prison tattoo that reads "MOM" over a heart on his left shoulder and rides a 1972 Panhead. You don't want to know what he is wearing while he is typing.


----------



## beccachow

Caliann, you can hardly talk about SS's tatoo. You were specifically asked to tatoo "wow," and since you are a vampire bat, you were hanging upside down from the rafters when you did the work.


----------



## CaliannG

I am NOT a vampire bat! I am a were-leopard! As you should well know since I chased you nekkid out of that coven last weekend..... and I would have gotten you, too, if you hadn't managed to make it into your Hummer H-3 and lock the doors!


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow and CaliannG are just getting themselves in tune for their big wrestling match tonight... in the mud. See otter for all under table bets.


----------



## Otter

Soulsurvivor has bet 20 to 1 on CaliannG


----------



## CaliannG

What SS doesn't know is that Otter is a bent bookie, and the money is gone, gone, gone no matter WHO wins.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I donate everything I win to charity. I also never tell a lie.


----------



## beccachow

Caliann, is it true you sold your front teeth for this bet and replaced them with tic tacs?

I tired to ask the bookie, but since you put those cement shoes on Otter and threw 'em in the river...well. Perhaps I have said too much.

Soulsurvivor, by the way, wanted Caliann and I to pudding wrestle instead, but refused to put down the spoon long enough for us to fill the ring. (oinkee oink oink).


----------



## soulsurvivor

CaliannG didn't put cement shoes on otter. She l-o-v-e-s otter.
http://www.wimp.com/babyotter


----------



## CaliannG

Yep....loooovvveesss Otter with a nice garlic and wine sauce. 

soulsurvivor is just trying to frame me because I know the license plate number on his Harley, and I have a picture of it and soulsurvivor outside of the XXX mini movie and DVD rental.


----------



## soulsurvivor

CaliannG is one wicked woman when it comes to handling a spray paint can. Graffiti doesn't begin to describe her hidden talent. Her kitchen cabinets are a bright spray paint blue. Even the water bugs run and hide from the bright light that glares off those cabinets. 

She especially looks forward to yardsale time because everything old becomes a new spray paint hue to renew for extra bucks. That gold lamp? No, that's not gold. It's spray paint gold with an added antique polish. She's only asking a hundred dollars for that. 

You do what you want but I wouldn't buy anything from her that still had that tacky feeling.


----------



## beccachow

Speaking of tacky, soulsurvivor wears polyester. A lot. In lime green and flourescent orange.


----------



## NickieL

beccachow was born in 1857, and has had 37 children, has 98 grand children, and 15 great grand children.


----------



## Minelson

Beccachow only wears Victorian lace...especially when she is feeding the goats.


----------



## Minelson

Nickel is rolling in doe..........and ray.......and Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


----------



## Otter

Minelson stole all Beccachow's Victorian lace to dress up her goats with


----------



## CaliannG

Otter _hand crochets_ lace and then uses it to "dress up" her fences. They are looking for a medication to help with that.


----------



## Otter

Hey, wait, how did you know?
I mean .. ummm ...

CaliannG owns the pharmaceutical companies that makes medication for that sort of thing.
Not that I need it.
Really.


----------



## Joshie

Otter's favorite pets are her ticks. She doesn't understand why nobody wants to visit her home.


----------



## Otter

Joshie's just jealous because my ticks are MUCH easier to train then her fleas.
All her dreams for a flea circus went up in a blaze of Frontline.


----------



## soulsurvivor

otter operates an online business called "Sillier Than Putty". 

It's not anything I'm going to give a link to though because it's one of those sex toy sites, but you could ask beccachow about it. She claims to have one of each flavor.


----------



## Joshie

In her sideshow show soulsurvivor bills herself as the world's best liar. She's just lying because she's only the world's third best liar. Beccachow and otter beat her for the top spot.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie's favorite hobby is mashing dead bugs, taping them to a kleenex and then putting these into small individual ziploc bags. If you go to visit her, she'll keep you entertained for hours showing off her collection of dead mashed bugs under plastic. Her other collection is the potato chips she's found to have interesting shapes. She has one that even I had to admit was special - the chip is in the shape of a commode with the appropriate dark stain in the correct location . . . . no, I wouldn't want to eat that one either.


----------



## clovis

Soulsurvivor has begun to seriously worry about all the baseless lies that she has told, and is spending the day in church, hoping to find forgiveness.

She was in a dead sprint down the aisle when the preacher started the altar call....


----------



## Guest

Clovis is his own brother.


----------



## Minelson

Zong is married to his brother


----------



## beccachow

Minelson is an avid animal rights activist. Today she is marching in DC to fight for equal rights of worms, a bid against fishing. Her favorite bumper sticker reads, "Worms are people, too." She finds the mashed bug thing very offensive.


----------



## Minelson

beccachow said:


> Minelson is an avid animal rights activist. Today she is marching in DC to fight for equal rights of worms, a bid against fishing. Her favorite bumper sticker reads, "Worms are people, too." She finds the mashed bug thing very offensive.


This is too funny...I must respond. I am actually sitting here in my Jammies...no where near DC. Poor worms  :rotfl:


----------



## Narshalla

Beccachow is an avid homeschooler and uses this thread as a teaching tool on how to insult without using dirty words.

Minelson gave Beccachow the idea.


----------



## Joshie

Narshalla can't tell who is a boy and who is a girl because she has marshmallows for eyes. Plus the smog in her city makes it difficult to see.


----------



## CaliannG

Joshie just accepted the CEO position at my pharmaceutical company. Seems the shareholders canned the last CEO for supporting company participation in the "Cheaper meds for dying people that need them to live" program.

Shareholders are positive that Joshie will not be such a wussy.


----------



## Joshie

CaliannG is the owner of the biggest pharmaceutical company in the world. She has a personal goal to control all pharmaceutical sales so that she can artificially raise the prices just so she can reduce the world's population by killing off all those "nasty poor people."


----------



## beccachow

Joshie wears liederhosen.


----------



## Otter

Beccachow is trying to distract us from CaliannG's evil plan with Joshie's liederhosen (and we were supposed to lie, not rat out liederhosen wearers) because she was the old CEO of CaliannG's company and is trying to get her job back.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Otter offers a handwashing service for all liederhosen wearers. This is like a quick wash while you're wearing them. Wear your dirtest liederhosen, go visit otter, pay otter $5, and you'll receive a good dunking in the old millstream where otter lives. For an extra $5 you can receive the wring out and pat dry service, and I've heard tell that is a bargain because otter has magical moves that will both surprise and delight the liederhosen wearer.


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor invented liederhosen and now owns the world's largest liederhosen manufacturer. Beccachow is the head of the company's PR department.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Josie still watches old reruns of Mr. Ed. She's attempting to learn all about horse whispering and join up with beccachow in providing psychological services to backward horses. 

On the human side of things, Joshie has scheduled some reruns of Leave It To Beaver. She's still unsure who's a male and who's a female and hopes by watching this program she will be quicker to spot the differences in gender roles.


----------



## beccachow

Soulsurvivor is really Jim Neighbors, and all the Gomer Pyle "Well GOOOOLLL---LLLY!" is real, not an act.


----------



## Joshie

beccachow is petitioning legislators to ban the use of undies.


----------



## soulsurvivor

At least for Joshie it's all undies as she cannot distinguish between male and female yet. Beccachow has been developing a set of flashcards that depict human gender differences to assist Joshie. I could continue with this lie but I'll need a briefing first..... or is that a debriefing??? hmmmm......


----------



## Joshie

soulsurvivor wears brief briefs on her head.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie is a spy.


----------



## Minelson

Becca is a beer delivery guy


----------



## soulsurvivor

Minelson is no son of mine, yet I would adopt him if he needed help and wanted to become a son of soul. I'd think anyone would want a fine mine son as a new addition to their family. . . let's see, son of a clovis, son of a beccachow, son of a zong, son of an otter, son of a joshie, son of a :hand: yea, it's time to stop.


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor does jumping jacks everywhere she goes.


----------



## Narshalla

Joshie is really Yoshi and is hiding from Mario!


----------



## soulsurvivor

Narshalla has listed herself on Oregon's top list of oddities to visit while there on vacation. She stands in one place on the edge of a cliff. If the ground is shaking and she falls off then you know there's an earthquake. If she's still standing there, then you're safe for now. Right now it might be tough to locate her, but keep trying. There are printed clues to use for your GPS search and rescue of Narshalla available from the Oregon office of Tourism.


----------



## Otter

Soulsurvivor is really Carmen Sandiago and is trying to throw people off the scent by sending them after Narshalla


----------



## Joshie

Otter's real name is Retto and she's from the ghetto. Her goal in life is to make it illegal for people to live in rural areas.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie is enjoying her new job with the census bureau and is looking forward to the day when they allow her to do home visits, but that will only happen when she understands the differences between the male/female genders. We'll keep our fingers crossed and hope that happens soon for her.


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor is a world renowned boxer. *He* is world renowned because wears a sombrero and a tutu.


----------



## stickinthemud

Joshie always wanted to live in a castle and got her wish. Unfortunately, she didn't count on it being at the bottom of the aquarium behind the bar at the Sleepy Mermade Bar & Grille in Sandusky Ohio. She has to wear a deep sea diver outfit and blow bubbles all day too. At least it isn't a tutu.


----------



## Tillysgirl

Stickinthemud really isn't!. Stickinthemud is quite the partier and stays out late almost every night. And yes... in a tutu


----------



## soulsurvivor

Tillysgirl is currently in negotiations with Fisher-Price to develop a box toy for toddlers called Hide and Seek. The toy looks exactly like a bunch of cardboard appliance boxes that stack and hide toddlers from view. My own grandkids will certainly want these and so will I. 

oh, and thanks Tillysgirl for the great blog. I laughed at the first entry, and enjoyed all the pictures and jokes. Welcome to HT and this nutty baseless lie thread.


----------



## beccachow

Soulsurvivor is really Bonnie from Bonnie and Clyde...she DID survive being shot a gazillion times, faked her own death, and is living in disguise in Kentucky. Ooops, maybe I have said too much.


----------



## Minelson

Becca is famous for washing her wool sweaters in the washing machine to make them smaller for small folk. She comes up with new inventions all the time of odd things to wash in a washer. Once she even washed a saddle in there.


----------



## Guest

Minelson spent 1 year pronouncing "his or her" username as "Minnel-sun" and one year as "My Nelson" The past year, as "the username that shall not be pronounced". I know, right??


----------



## Minelson

zong said:


> Minelson spent 1 year pronouncing "his or her" username as "Minnel-sun" and one year as "My Nelson" The past year, as "the username that shall not be pronounced". I know, right??


Right :teehee: and I'm a her for today...who knows what I'll be tomorrow


----------



## beccachow

Minelson said:


> Right :teehee: and I'm a her for today...who knows what I'll be tomorrow



Zong's wife, if rumor serves correctly. Apparently, you see, Minelson belongs to a cult where it is permissible to have 3 and 4 husbands...though why on earth anyone would WANT 3 or 4 grown men in the house at the same time is beyond me, but I digress. Oh, and she makes them wear french maid uniforms. Zong, I know I promised not to tell, but you need help.


----------



## Guest

I need help?? huh. How about that time you got a live turtle stuck in your throat and told the doctor "It only hurts when I laugh" ?? Huh? Huh?


----------



## soulsurvivor

Zong is currently working as a rhythm mixer for the new band HuH. Their newly released single Huh Huh Tootie is set to go viral if leaked reports are accurate. There's also big rumors around that HuH may take over the U2 cancelled tour sites. Zong has been signing his autograph as they've had a lot of cloth rippers at the concerts wanting his name on their personal items. The fans also ask Zong to do his now famous HuH dance. It's a foot stomp, stop, say huh, and repeat.


----------



## Kringees Mom

Soulsurvivor longs to be one of Beca's husbands, as she owns a french maids uniform, that she acquired for a bargain at the local Goodwill and Ammo store.


----------



## Joshie

Kringees Mom is a bald man who sews French maid costumes for Becky.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie is Kringees Mom's runway model. You can catch the fashion show tomorrow on youcan.com and enjoy the many different but stylish outfits that are a part of Kringees Mom's Fall Fashion Showing. The look this year is all about accessories and how those enhance even the most casual of attire. Joshie, as the French maid model, will show off such accessories as the shoe winecork remover. Spike heels have nothing on this new footware.


----------



## Otter

Soulsurvivor is using the fashion show as a front to smuggler in aliens undercover as "models"

We all knew deep in our hearts that those people weren't human

Happily, the Aliens will fail in their evil plan for world takeover and making everyone un naturally tall and skinny so long as McDonalds even has ONE restaurant open. 

To make this story even sadder, Ronald McDonald is Soulsurvivor's brother and they are now pitted against each other in this battle for world domination. Their parents can't even talk about it, they just cry and wonder where they went wrong.


----------



## Joshie

Otter wears overalls and a baseball cap to church. She always has a piece of grass stickin' outta her mouth. That's how she got the name Otter. Beccachow asked her what was hangin' outta her mouth and soulsurvivor thought she said, "How's it hangin,' Otter?" 

The name Otter just stuck.

Oh, Otter, you should stop eating that grass. It's not good for you.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Just me and the ETs know this, but Otter is a crop circle maker. He apprenticed under the studious knowledge of a tall Grey named Circle Guy. Most crop circles are designs based on the circle, but ever so often Otter likes to flip over into the rectangle design just to throw people off the trail. 

Otter just finished a basket weaving class so that the crop circle designs would be more difficult and confuse the everyday onlooker as to how he made that incredible circle design in that field of oilseed rape. Otter sets up ticket booths at each field where his newest design is showing. Otter makes an absolute killing off these ticket sales and is considering retiring early. Oh, and shhhh, don't tell anyone because he doesn't want to pay taxes on his little venture into the unknown.

Look! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Super Otter mashing the crops like a buzz saw!

You'll just love his newest crop circle. Some say it looks like eyes looking through some crazy glasses:
http://www.cropcircleconnector.com/2010/chirtonbottom/chirtonbottom.html


----------



## soulsurvivor

That's ok Joshie. You just keep thinking that grass hanging out of Otter's mouth is normal. We won't tell.


----------



## Kringees Mom

Otter should listen to Joshie as Joshie knows her grass, she gets it from a field that is down the street, around the corner on the third floor. She works 3 full time jobs just so she can buy the very best grass which she uses to bake her famous brownies. Joshie wants Otter to stop eating the grass so that she can have it for herself.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Kringees Mom is a taste tester for the Southern Living cooking school. As part of this magnificent team of master chefs, Kringees Mom is involved in their current project of finding the best brownie recipe in the US.

She loves Joshie's recipe the best so far, but is still tasting her way across the US. She's currently in the great state of Texas where she's being introduced to the bigger is better brownie developed by Laura Bush.

Kringees Mom is now undecided whether to give her five star rating to Laura or to Joshie's brownie recipe, since both recipes offer that distinct aftertaste high that only comes from using the best of ingredients. 

There's just nothing like having a little brownie to start your day.


----------



## Joshie

soulsurvivor said:


> Kringees Mom is now undecided whether to give her five star rating to Laura or to Joshie's brownie recipe.


This is like saying Laura vs Laura's brownies.  

Soulsurvivor doesn't understand why she's always hungry. She's constantly making food on Cafe World (game on facebook) but doesn't understand why she cannot eat that food. I feel sorrier for her family than I do for her.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie is actually a trained parrot.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Along with being a professional horse whisperer, beccachow is also a trainer of parrots. I know this because I used to own a beautiful parrot named Gator that was trained by beccachow. Everything was lovely in the ownership of Gator until I had the preacher and his wife visiting me for a lovely sit-down afternoon tea and biscuits social. 

Gator was being his usual trained self of keeping quiet with company in the house until the preacher happened to mention something about missing his home cruisine of cajun foods, especially alligator. With that, Gator commenced to making choking sounds and ended with saying very loudly that Gators enjoyed choking preachers that ate gators. 

tut, tut, I had to get rid of Gator after that. I couldn't take the chance that he wouldn't like my next houseguest, Chuck Norris, who was going to drop by and demonstrate his drop kick routine for catching alligators that invaded personal pools. 

Hey, but be sure to check with beccachow for all your parrot needs. She's got a lovely bird right now with the name of Joshie that loves to be cuddled. Me, I'm out of the parrot business for good.


----------



## Joe123

soulsurvivor thebaker said not to fix to many pies until she gets back on feet.. LOL..I say make all the pies you want due to she will be off her feet for 4 weeks.. 

:lookout: HEHE>...:teehee:


----------



## pattycake

As much as I hate gossip, and I truly do, I heard from a reliable source that Joe123 was the one that advised BP CEO, Tony Hayward, to attend the yacht race in England. Joe told Tony that he believed in him and truly thought that Tony needed to get his life back!


----------



## clovis

Pattycake is actually Sally O'Mally from the Saturday Night Live skit. I'm told that the character was solely based on her...

I'm Sally O'Mally, and I AM FIFTY!!!!!


----------



## Joshie

Clovis breeds rattlesnakes to sell in pet stores. Clovis puts a sock over the rattle and tells unwitting buyers that the pretty snake was bred to play the tambourine.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie has a snake fetish and puts a sock on most any snake she sees. Joshie does make certain that this sock is 100% cotton and very breathable.


----------



## Guest

Soulsurvivor had a chance to be in the huge rock band HuH? but opted instead to join Stark Naked and the Car Thieves, who's only single, "I had my keys in my pocket, but aint wearing my pants" sold 2 copies. Soulsurvivor bought both.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Zong knows that about me because I was one of the cloth rippers at his last concert. . . but it was well worth any slight embarrassment on my part because I did manage to get an official HuH? Zong? autograph on my best pair of tight britches...


----------



## Joe123

HAHA but there was some truth on thebaker as she is off her feet for 4 weeks due to surgery and she told me to tell soul for fun to have fun making pies. That part was a joke but the part of thebaker off her feet is true..Thats no joke.. 

Joe123=Dh of thebaker..


----------



## pattycake

Oh Joe 123, you poor, poor thing! As I have stated before, I hate gossip and will have no part in it but I do feel the need to tell you that the surgery thing was a ruse that the baker worked up with her Dr. She is lying in bed and enjoying some much needed rest. She simply could not keep up with the amt of pies you consume.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joe123, you tell thebaker I'm hoping she soon gets back on her feet and fully recovers from her surgery. We'll need all the help we can muster up here on the baseless lies thread. 

There's a pattycake here that's trying to stop the pie production and we can't have that, no sir-eee. 

Pattycake is really Paula Dean trying to push her new line of spongecakes shaped like Twinkies dipped in chocolate. That old roll em up and put em in the pan double talk is only to get you to forget about making pies and start spending money on her new snack cakes called Tip Toe Jams. She's just right down desperate to unload these things on the unsuspecting public. 

Pattycake Paula is a major buyer of toe jam here in the US. The FDA is still trying to find her toe jam source. All they have to do is ask me. I know it's coming from the pedicure shop next to the old Walmart building.


----------



## pattycake

Lord, you know I hate to say this but you and I know that SoulSurvivor needs help in the worst way. We all are aware that she was court ordered to join this group or go to jail for the lies she has told. People are just not going to take it anymore! Take poor Pattycake who does nothing but good in this world!! Poor Pattycake!! She is nothing but a hard working cake decorator and Soulsurvivor is trying to destroy her!! Forgive her Father for she knows not what she had done!!


----------



## beccachow

pattycake tried to have the kid's song named after her outlawed. She simply cannot make a cake "as fast as you can." She spends her days endlessly playing pattycake with the mirror. I DO hate to gossip, but this is just so sad I had to share.


----------



## pattycake

BeccaChow has such a hard life! Any time she is in town all the Maryland people shout Liar, Liar, pants on fire!! Becca just strolls on down main street and acts like she doesn't hear them at all. Becca has been working with the 
CIA to help with her the image she has around town. If you respond to this thread she is sure to reply with one of her whopper lies!!


----------



## Joshie

Pattycake was fired from the FBI because she lies too much.

Soulsurvivor and pattycake, I want the recipe for those sponge cakes. They sound tasty.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Sorry Joshie but I can't give you what I ain't got. Pattycake Paula has a patent on that recipe. 

mmm, I could probably get close though without revealing any secret ingredients. The sponge cake is made like any other sponge cake recipe that's easily found online, but it's that toe jam filling that's her secret.

She told me her secret back before she put a patent on it but I still can't believe Al Gore would donate his toe jam for her effort to make a snack cake that's environmentally friendly.


----------



## beccachow

soulsurvivor, look, I don't want to be the one to tell you this, but spongecake isn't really made with sponges. Last time we ate one of your cakes, we all ended up at the Emergency Room getting our stomachs pumped. But the sponges had absorbed everthing in our stomachs, and actually, we all lost weight. SO thank you for being the worst cook in the world.


----------



## Joshie

Beccachow is a hairdresser who glues sponges on the heads of her customers. She can't understand why nobody comes back for a second time.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie, I don't want to have to tell everyone you are my biggest customer because you are bald. Whoops, guess I just let THAT out of the bag. So very sorry.


----------



## Joshie

I'm sure you know all about bald heads, Al Sharpton. Oops, I wasn't supposed to let everyone know your true identity.


----------



## clovis

Anyone want to know what _'beccachow'_ really means?

*B*ig *E*ntitlements *C*an *C*reate *A* *C*ommunistic *H*and *O*ut *W*orld.


----------



## stickinthemud

Communist Liberal Obama Voter In Secret


----------



## beccachow

stickinthemud is an alien. That is why all the cows have been disappearing in her neighborhood.


----------



## soulsurvivor

heh heh, for you outside readers here that aren't posting to our little community of story tellers, let me advise you not to go sniffing around the moonshine called Christmas Candy. It smells wonderful but if you drink it then you will become like beccachow and looking for things that aren't there.


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor likes it when the love of her life, Clovis, drives her around so that she can moon the other drivers and their passengers. She likes older cars because the *rear* windows roll down all the way.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie sees two of everything but refuses to go get her bifocals adjusted. She claims there's two suns in the skies. I'm a little miffed she would think my behind is two moons.

Joshie, hon, please go get the bifocals adjusted. You don't know what you're missing out on here in our lovely quiet little town. Clovis is hiring himself and his Ford F150 out for rides to and from medical appointments. He doesn't charge much for this valuable service. 

Here while back, I had to go to the doctor and I called Clovis to escort me there and back home. I didn't have enough money left after paying the doctor to pay Clovis. But he's got a good heart and agreed to accept a cherry CocaCola and a chocolate moonpie as part of his payment.


----------



## Joshie

I considered saying something about the chocolate Moon pie but thought better of it. We need to be *clean*.

It's soulsurvivors fault that it won't stop raining here. Since clovis taught her the rain dance she won't stop dancing. KNOCK IT OFF, SOULSURVIVOR, you're a lousy dancer.


----------



## Otter

Joshie wrote this song
http://tinyurl.com/7jk3xv

And now I can't get it _OUT OF MY HEAD!!_


----------



## beccachow

Please don't tell Otter I told you this. Otter collects used fly strips and licks the flies off of them. If you know what we can do to help Otter, please share. It is really a bad habit and I am worried.


----------



## Otter

Actually, Beccachow is trying to cover up the fact that she collected 246 used fly strips and used them to tie me up so that she could steal my collection of sunflowers that look like celebrity faces.

She heard I had one that looked like Elvis and just went off the deep edge.


----------



## stickinthemud

Otter doesn't let anything go to waste. But if Otter offers you one of the 246 raisin cookies in her cookie jar, just say NO!


----------



## Joshie

Otter only wears jumpsuits. We all know why this is.......


----------



## stickinthemud

Joshie ate six cookies.


----------



## Narshalla

Stickinthemud has never had any original insults. Stickinthemud has gone back in the thread and repeated others insults, instead.


----------



## clovis

Narshalla has been known to make change from the collection plate when it gets passed at church.


----------



## soulsurvivor

clovis has this amazing trained mosquito that he takes to church services. Usually the mosquito is only there to hear the good sermon, but will sometimes fly off to buzz an asleep church member so they can better benefit from the important message. 

I know this because I attend the same church as clovis and his mosquito. I can usually be immediately recognized by my beautiful hat that has the black mosquito netting.


----------



## beccachow

soulsurvivor swatted Clovis' amazing mosquito. The entire congregation is mourning. Way to go, dude.


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor takes 10,000 mosquitoes to church just because she likes to watch all the other churchgoers swatting at the skeeters. The real reason she wears that black netting is that she doesn't want to get bitten again.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie is busy busy organizing a block party for the upcoming July 4th festives, and beccachow is helping her with the entertainment. They both stopped by this afternoon to ask if I would help with the food. They know that I make the absolute best sponge cake in the world. I make a special cake for July 4th that's decorated just like an American flag. I learned that from watching Martha Stewart. 

Anyways, we were talking and planning and they excuse themselves to the bathroom. Five minutes pass and they're still in there cause I can hear them giggling. . . . ok already, there's only so much you can do in a bathroom. I mean, how entertaining can it be? 

Finally, after about 10 minutes, they both come out and quickly say their good byes and take leave. I go to my bathroom and they left me life size cardboard cutouts of Superman on my toilet, Spiderman in my shower, and Brad Pitt passed out on my floor. 

I laughed and laughed and had to quickly move Superman out of the way. Those two women are all that and so funny. I just might have to make them one of my famous cardboard cakes that looks just like the real thing.


----------



## beccachow

Soulsurvivor, you mean those cakes you made for us before WEREN'T made out of cardboard?


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow said:


> Soulsurvivor, you mean those cakes you made for us before WEREN'T made out of cardboard?


:ashamed: I cannot believe you just said that about my delicious sponge cake. 

:hand: I'll have to go make another one now and bring it right over to you. What flavor do you want this time? Lemon or lemon with raisins?

I'm going to recommend the lemon with raisins because it has a better nutritional balance of ingredients than just the plain lemon cake. Oh,, and I have an extremely fresh supply of raisins to go into this. Actually I might have to beat a few of those raisins with my meat pounder as they're still moving around a bit.


----------



## Otter

soulsurvivor said:


> Oh,, and I have an extremely fresh supply of raisins to go into this.


So THAT'S where my cookies went!
Did I mention I got the recipe from Soulsurvivor? I need to quit getting recipes from her, no one will eat at my house anymore.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Otter said:


> So THAT'S where my cookies went!
> Did I mention I got the recipe from Soulsurvivor? I need to quit getting recipes from her, no one will eat at my house anymore.


:Bawling: well you poor thang you, that's cause you ain't asked me and my bird dog over for supper. Now, I understand why you might not want my bird dog coming in for vittles, but I promise he has super table manners and knows how to eat without messing up your lovely table setting or your floor. 

hmm, you aren't serving peas are you? Cause my dog is notorious for chasing down stray peas. He's been known to wreck a few times in the process. I think it's his hunting instinct coming through.


----------



## Joshie

Ummmm, those ain't raisins in your cookin'. Soulsurvivor, I don't know how to break this to you but nobody wants your birddog to dinner. I mean, this is the US and most people don't eat dogs. We can't stop you from doing that at your house no matter how hard we've tried but we don't want to watch you eat your dog.

Your poor children are traumatized. You really need to stop this horrible behavior.


----------



## soulsurvivor

There's a special show coming up on the tv of "Super Nanny" and guess who is going to be the host family? Joshie and her crew! :clap: oh, not her children. It's going to be Joshie and all her pets! Joshie has 76 housecats and dogs that are wrecking her house everytime she has to leave for a trip to town for supplies. The Super Nanny will demonstrate to Joshie how to train her errant pets to dutifully hold their "stay" position until she returns from town. I'll be glued to that tv screen, along with my bird dog. I want him to see why I have him trained to "stay".


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor, you got another bird dog? Wow, I'm surprised that you said that out loud. The humane society prohibited you from doing that after you ate the last one.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie said:


> Soulsurvivor, you got another bird dog? Wow, I'm surprised that you said that out loud. The humane society prohibited you from doing that after you ate the last one.


gosh, he ain't dead. He's still on my "stay" command. That superb stillness he does can only come from years of practice. His only weakness is peas bouncing on the floor.


----------



## beccachow

Soulsurvivor is BigFoot.


----------



## Guest

Becca has 3 feet and is going to help the president "kick somebody's you know what"


----------



## beccachow

zong *IS* three feet...tall.


----------



## Guest

Any you *love* that in a feller. "A little bitty feller for me" by HuH? is your favorite song.


----------



## Joshie

Zong's mom was watching the Gong show when he was born. She wanted to name him Gong but because zong's big head made birthin' so painful she accidently spelled his name zong. The family pronounces it Gong anyway.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie is the official chairwoman of zong's official HuH? fan club. As such she personally verifies each and every fact about the rock star's personal life. I'm a member of his fan club but Joshie has barred me from attending any more fan club meetings. . . welll, actually she's banned my bird dog, but since he's my protection when I'm out and about, then it means I'm banned too. 

Zong, little feller, I'm cheering for you! I can hardly wait until your songs hit youtube. You're gonna go viral!


----------



## pattycake

Oh man, I hate to be the one to bring this up but word has it that Soulsurvivor is the masseur that gave Al Gore the infamous massage in his motel room. The reason we have not heard from soulsurvivor is that she is working with National Inquiror to get her one million dollars in the right bank acct. When she told Al he was acting like a friskie poodle she said that as a cover to prevent people from knowing that she was thinkinig bird dog! She will soon be posting on the fruagal thread asking what is the cheapest way to store her plastic bag that holds her slacks. If this things pans out for her we will not ever again hear from her on HST!!


----------



## soulsurvivor

poooor pattycake, she's just jealous cause I found me a baker's man....you know, the kind you roll em up twist em up and put em in a pan kind. She knows I have to stay on the good side of Al so we can keep that fresh supply of toe jam coming in to our little town.

Pattycake is so looking forward to the July 4th festives and has made herself a really lovely outfit to wear for the celebration and town parade. Pattycake is going to ride on the Farmers' Bank float as a lady liberty. I cannot wait to see her in all her glory as a green torch holder. 

I hear that clovis is driving the John Deere that's pulling pattycake's float. And the Farmers' Bank is giving clovis and pattycake a big bag of peppermint candies, individually wrapped of course, to throw out to the crowd of onlookers as they pass through town. I'll be there with my bird dog on leash, hoping that no peas start bouncing anywhere.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I just had to post again in spite of knowing it's poor baseless lies etiquette to follow yourself... but this is just too good to hold inside. I just now heard this news item from the morning crowd that are the breakfast coffee sippers at the local Caney Woods Restaurant so it has to be true.

They're saying that beccachow is going to be our Uncle Sam on stilts for our big July 4th parade. I just never would have dreamed that beccachow had that much control over her balance. 

I'm so proud of her for overcoming her fear of heights to perform this wonderful service for our little community. As our stilted Uncle Sam, beccachow will be sponsored by the Big Way Drive Through Six Pack Store that's located on the county line next to the dry county borderline. Just for fun the store is giving beccachow "Get Out Of Jail Free" coupons to throw into the crowd as she walks by.


----------



## msdaisy

Caution fellow posters, don't be fooled!!! Soulsurvivor is none other than, Young Jeezy!!! Being so disappointed in the lack of cd sales, Soulsurvivor decided on this name to promote her new song. Unfortunately, it did not!!! Poor Young Jeezy!!! 

For entertainment purposes *do not listen if rap isn't your thing lol* - [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gczBgNB-p1w[/ame]


----------



## soulsurvivor

msdaisy said:


> Caution fellow posters, don't be fooled!!! Soulsurvivor is none other than, Young Jeezy!!! Being so disappointed in the lack of cd sales, Soulsurvivor decided on this name to promote her new song. Unfortunately, it did not!!! Poor Young Jeezy!!!
> 
> For entertainment purposes *do not listen if rap isn't your thing lol* - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gczBgNB-p1w


Many souls of one heart of love and I just met yet another. Thank you. 

msdaisy, are you attending the July 4th festives?


----------



## pattycake

Call me paranoid if you will but I am wondering how to get it touch with some one from Homeland Security. Soulsurvivor is just toooo interested in all the fourth of July festivities! Could it be that she is one of those KGB spies from Russia? I'm just saying.........


----------



## clovis

Around the parts where pattycake hails from, they have given her the nickname of 'Sage".

Some would reckon that it comes from the sage advice she likes to give others, but in reality, it is from her cooking.

You see, pattycake likes to add sage to every recipe she makes...and not only a little sage for flavor, but by the bowlful.

You should try her Thanksgiving dressing sometime.

LOL.

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!


----------



## msdaisy

Soulsurvivor - My 4th of July festivities will consist of taking care of all the drunken guests that come back to the Inn. haha I'm on night duty!!!


----------



## pattycake

Holy Moly!! Soulsurvivor has somehow convinced msdaisy to give her whereabouts on the 4th of July!! Red alert!! Or is it orange alert!! Whatever, I am now convinced that Soul is part of this Russian spy ring! Poor Clovis is pure country and wouldn't have a clue that this is more important than my sage usage.


----------



## Joshie

pattycake wants to try playing patty cake with fireworks this 4th of July.


----------



## clovis

Joshie is so dumb that she thinks that fireworks should do more than make colorful displays and explosions in the sky.

She did buy them to 'work', and she can figure out why they aren't getting anything accomplished on her 'stead.


----------



## MullersLaneFarm

Clovis is a certified putz

(I'm only here to see what kind of lies you can tell on me ....)


----------



## soulsurvivor

Well, I want to be open and honest right up front that I ain't no spy. What I spy with my little eyes stays within my little brain and I'm a full believer that it's not a lie if you believe it. . . well, something like that. I think it's kinda like it's ok to write that Santa Claus doesn't exist if you're passing the note to someone that can't read. 

ok, I can feel the muck coming over the top of these boots, so moving on to Ms MullersLaneFarm, who is the residing president of our local Professional Womens Business Club. We're honored to have her full participation in our July 4th festives this year. She's going to be manning a booth in the downtown court square and giving demonstrations on how to use raw milk to improve your stamina and foritude to do the country hip hop. 

Ms MullersLaneFarm is known professionally as Diane Horner and here's a peek at what her raw milk imbibing can do for you:
http://www.wimp.com/countrydancing/

The Roger Rabbit move is all that and so much fun. Be sure to stop by her booth and get a free lesson.


----------



## MullersLaneFarm

I love you soulsurvivor!

I can't stop laughing at that video!!

Just don't stop by if you don't know how to handle wooden fences and farm dogs.


Hmmm....

Soulsurvivor is excited that pattycake rolls in sage ....


Huh????


----------



## Guest

Mullerslane's witness relocation alias(Muller Lane) was blown this morning when the mailman delivered an envelope addressed to "Occupant" . Muller Lane(formerly known as Mildred Occupant) used her license to kill in order to maintain her cover, but dozens of passersby heard her screaming, "Nobody is supposed to know my real name is Mildred Occupant!" as she karate chopped the mailman into oblivion. "Nobody!" As he kept saying "Yes, ma'm, Miss Lane"


----------



## stickinthemud

And now Zong has unwittingly revealed his stakeout location hiding in that unusually large and mobile sagebrush clump across the road from Mullers La... Mullerslan... Mildre... some mailbox... someplace...


----------



## beccachow

OK...ok...I know you have all wondered where I have been. Well, stickinthemud had me tied up and ducktaped in a small barn in SW PA. Just because I was going to reveal that stickinthe mud...wait...I heard something...someone opened the door...NO! It's stickinthemud again!!! What are you doing with that cattle prod....SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE!!! Stickinthemud is a certifiable...ack...choke...choke...


----------



## Minelson

Becca is taking lessons from a great American Indian healer...she has been in the lotus position on a mountain top having dreams about Sticks in the mud


----------



## soulsurvivor

Minelson commands so much respect even her toothbrushes stand at attention.


----------



## Joshie

soulsurvivor recently took up dancing to _Saturday Night Fever_.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie has multi-tasking down to a fine art. . . and yes, I think that is a ham that she's using as her seat cushion.


----------



## Minelson

OMG! these are funny!!!!!ROTFLMAO


----------



## pattycake

Now poor Minelson has been drug into this spy mission!! Soul has now posted a pic of a Soviet Russian riding a Soviet motorbike. She has been surfing our HST to get an idea of how many will fall for her spy mission tricks. While we are singing "God Bless America" and eating our burgers and potato salad she has been actively trying trap us into this communist plot of hers. Everyone beware and keep singing!!


----------



## msdaisy

After great disbelief, it has been confirmed: conspiracy theorist pattycake really IS Michael Moore in disguise!!! hehe


----------



## clovis

Msdaisy is ate up with a movie she saw several years ago.

She runs a weekly ad on Craigslist:

WANTED: Personal Driver-Must be of African American decent

Great opportunity for someone. Drive me around town and run errands for me in my 1989 Toyota Tercel. Since it is a two door, you must be short so I can put the seat all the way up. That car is the size of a tater chip bag, and I need leg room!

Compensation: I'll teach you to read.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Clovis thought long and hard.
He finally figured a way to use that last sparkler.


----------



## msdaisy

Clovis is a jolly green giant and just jealous because they don't make the 4' or shorter marker. Maybe I should invest in a hummer instead? hehe Then we can go out on the town and cause chaos to all the little people!!! mu-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!


----------



## Joshie

This is a secretly recorded image of mrdaisy and msdaisy.

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eS8RwmGIT08[/ame]


----------



## MrCalicoty

Laura (Joshie) is a fierce competitor and is not about to be outdone by anyone BIG or small...


----------



## pattycake

MrCalicoty is having an affair with Joshie and that is how he happened to snap her picture on this secluded beach. TMI!!


----------



## MrCalicoty

Pattycake is actually two people trying to make us all think they are one innocent person. These identical twins are so jealous of my supposed "affair" they insert themselves as a barrier to keep me from doing my job as a journalist. Pattycake are Greenpeace activists....


----------



## msdaisy

MrCalicoty is actually a member of hot-or-not. After getting so many bad hits w/ their yellow bathing suit shot, they decided to try homesteadingtoday instead. Sorry hun, still a (3) on my scale. hehe


----------



## MrCalicoty

Msdaisy used to be a low-level staffer on my fledgling production crew. Through closed door meetings I agreed under great coercive pressure to give her half of my estate if she would create controversies on homesteadingtoday to increase my ratings there. I call it blackmail but she just shrugs and says it's a woman's perogative. 

Rumor got out that my latest venture was sure to make me a billionaire.


----------



## msdaisy

MrCalicoty forgot to mention that I get 30% of all proceeds. Pay up!!! ound:


----------



## MrCalicoty

I get this kind of thing from low-level staffers and Greenpeace activists all the time. The truth is that the only lawyer Msdaisy ever knew was Johnnie Cochran. I can breathe much easier these days...


----------



## msdaisy

LOL Touche!


----------



## clovis

msdaisy said:


> LOL Touche!


msdaisy is so dumb that she thinks that when someone says "LOL Touche" that they are speaking French.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Clovis refuses to admit that his real name is Clover and he only wears green overalls.


----------



## clovis

Soulsurvivor was recently caught teaching elementary students the old advertising jingle "Winston tastes good like a cigarette should".


----------



## msdaisy

Clovis is just jealous of my french speaking abilities, and invested in a Rosetta Stone cd to try and one-up me!


----------



## Joshie

msdaisy tried to buy _the_ Rosetta Stone because she wanted to hit poor clovis on the head. 

http://www.pdphoto.org/PictureDetail.php?mat=&pg=8756


----------



## clovis

Joshie is so dumb that she thinks Rosetta Stone is something illegal you might do at a biker party.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Clovis has a thing for hot dogs. He keeps trying to win a hot dog eating contest because he thinks they give great looking trophies.


----------



## Joshie

soulsurvivor was recently arrested when she went onstage to protest that her greatest rival, Clovis the Clover, won the Nathan's Hotdogs hotdog eating contest.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie knows all about contests and is using all her wits about her to qualify for the Ms. Midlife Crisis title for the state fair this year. She's just about finished with the documentation that's required. That wasn't an easy task either. She had to submit, with witness signed documentation, each and every hot flash episode she's had this past year. I got to sign one of those forms for her. We were at the feed store buying some supplies for our chickens when suddenly Joshie ran and jumped into the cow trough display they had set up with water and feed. She claimed her feet had become too hot to stand. I know that was pushing the truth a little bit, because she was wet up to her pits. :huh:


----------



## beccachow

soulsurvivor is so dumb she failed a blood test.


----------



## Minelson

Becca likes to play with bungee cords...she sometimes wears them too. Her nickname is Becky-bungee-booboo


----------



## Guest

Minelson spent years in bars, inhaling helium and singing "Werewolves of London" with that crazy helium voice. She earned free beers for quitting singing. When she ran out of beer, she'd sing "Excitable boy" with a lung full of helium, until somebody else bought her a beer to quit.
Well, he went down to dinner in his Sunday best
Excitable boy, they all said
And he rubbed the pot roast all over his chest
Excitable boy, they all said
Well, he's just an excitable boy


----------



## soulsurvivor

For those of us who know zong, this is proving to be an exciting time. Zong has invented a new sport and we're all watching with great interest to see if it develops into a craze phase like NASCAR. 

Zong calls his new sport "Zong Probe" and it is a match of wits between humans and hibernating bears. The goal of the game is to take a cattle prod and use it in a bear cave to wake up hibernating bears early. You score points if you live through it, and zong is still with us, so we know we're looking at a champion zong probe-er.... see? even have to develop new language to properly discuss zong's new sport.

Zong is currently soliciting corporate sponsors to fund his new sport. There are special equipment needs along with a support team of on-site medics and travel accomodations for all involved. I've suggested that Klondike Bars be contacted for possible sponsorship. "What would you do with a Klondike Bear? Maybe trade it in for a Klondike Bar?" yea, that's kinda catchy.

Just think what fun it will be to turn on ESPN and watch Zong Probe. Big dreams can and do turn into big entertainment.


----------



## beccachow

solesurvivor, as an alien, is trying to detract us from what a Zong Probe REALLY is.


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow is currently working as a pole climber for the electric company. I'm guessing she knows more about prods and probes than I do. Her bucket crew loves the warm and windy days when she wears her short sleeved uniform that shows off her very large tattoo of the Washington Monument. It's a treat to their eyes to view beccachow standing tall in all her glory.


----------



## Joshie

soulsurvivor eats only leaches dipped in butter. She tried to convince me to eat them. That's when I won the 5 meter race that was going on downtown. I just _had_ to get away from her.


----------



## Guest

Joshie was a gogo dancer for the Billy Oddball experience(one of those "tribute band" things). Back then she was known as Joshielicious.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie is a basement chemist, not that she tells just anyone that, but I'm her fav bud so I always get the dirt first on her little adventures into the as yet unknown. Her current chemistry project is in finding which soap detergent is best for treating her athlete's foot problem. She's convinced that soap detergent is the prime chemical agent in causing her to have so many repeat offenders of this foot disease. I keep suggesting to her that it might have something to do with using herself as her own test dummie for the causal agent. . . but she's hard headed and doesn't listen very well, always the true scientist and has to test it for herself. All I can do is try to steer clear of her feet and send her on wild goose chases. Her most recent attempt at a chemical solution for her athlete's foot involved a combination of aloe, butter, and those nasty little blood sucking leeches. To humor her I pretended to taste test one, but then pointed out to her that she could run to Boston and get a huge discount on a fresh supply of leeches to use in her concoction. .. she ate it up and took off running and I haven't seen her since. . . bah-bye hon and watch out for those pot holes in the road.


----------



## soulsurvivor

You have to keep a close eye on zong. Slated for personal greatness, he is the one to watch. There used to be some rumors that were calling him an Indigo Child. . . and I can't say if that's true or not, but I certainly know that he's not purple. . . maybe a little red around the edge though where that bear paw met his forehead.


----------



## Joshie

soulsurvivor's real name is CocoaBooBoo. She's a tent maker in Alaska. While her tents are beautifully dyed with indigo nobody wants to buy them. soulsurvivor just doesn't get it why nobody wants to buy them. Of course, that's because soulsurvivor makes everyone who buys a tent promise to only use them in the winter. :bash: As her best friend, and for her sanity's sake, I need somebody else to help me hammer the reality of the situation into her hard head. 

As a truthful aside.... DH really does have Athletes' Foot. I have never had it, stinker soulsurvivor. Anyway, DH's doctor's office told him that Vicks Vapo Rub (real stuff, not generic) if rubbed on the toes and where the fungus is will kill it.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie is a wealth of useful health tips and information. She's also determined to make it into the Guiness World Book of Records for having the longest unbroken string of snot to ever come out of a nose. 

There aren't many who attempt to make this barely known about world record so she figures about 6 inches of unbroken snot should qualify her for this feat of greatness. But there are so many detractors to proving this accomplishment and many forms of documentation are needed to prove it was possible.

She had zong take a video of her pulling her latest snot attempt and she almost made it to the 6 inches when suddenly the string broke and dashed her hopes of "maybe this time it will happen" and it didn't happen. Plus, zong is now having a wild vomiting episode so Joshie is going to have to find a new videographer for her next attempt at snot pulling. 

oh, and it's not easy to get pumped up and ready for her snot trials. She keeps containers of ragweed and breathes the pollen from that. She's also discovered that my house is full of dust bunnies and that breathing those helps her get snotty. She also gets really ticked off at me for following her around and trying to wipe her nose for her. 

and it's just the oddest thing but Joshie is allergic to Vicks Salve worn as a remedy by others. She's always smearing that stuff everywhere she goes to increase her likelihood of producing the world record unbroken snot string. 

I don't know if Joshie will ever make it into that big book, but she has lots of family/friends supporting her.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I'm going to have to nominate Joshie for a good humor award. She really has put up with a lot of my baseless lies and done so with much grace. And this is maybe the only truth you'll hear from me in this thread.


----------



## clovis

Soulsurvivor just had a new commode installed, and because of its flushing power, she's decided to open a new home based business.

She is in the process of printing flyers to advertise her services:

_IN A RUSH? WE FLUSH!!!!_

_DEAD ANIMAL DISPOSAL SERVICES: WE SAVE YOU TIME AND WEAR ON YOUR SHOVEL. _

_Coming Soon: Golf Ball Disposal Services...24 Golf Balls GONE in just one flush!!!!! _

_Just call (502) DEAD CAT...24 HOUR SERVICE AVAILABLE!_


----------



## Joshie

Clovis thinks he is Captain Kirk and needs to go to Guatemala for a Star Trek convention. He plans to sell rabbit milk hand soap in an Enterprise #1701 shaped bottle.

Soulsurvivor, my mom said she should have named me Grace so I'd have some. I wanted to name DD Grace just so I could say, "See Mom, I have Grace!" Well, that and Grace is a pretty name.

Oh, when do I get a Good Humor Bar?


----------



## soulsurvivor

:hrm: well sure enough Joshie, I'll get right on that and mail you one. You be sure to check your mailbox now. Wouldn't want it to melt or anything. Better yet, you can just stop by my house the next time you go to town and I'll show you my new golf ball flusher commode. It will amaze you with its majic disappearing act. 

I first heard about these amazing commodes from clovis. He's a door to door salesman for them and likes to surprise people when he demonstrates the power of flush that requires little to no effort on your part. I watched him flush a dead hamster, a dead cat, and a dead snake and can say that I was sold on it at "hello". 

I'm seriously considering putting a hazard sign up on my new commode. I almost lost my pea chasing dog the other day to this commode. The dog was checking out the quick flush action and accidentally got his tail caught in that swirling vortex action. Good thing he's a big strong dog or otherwise he'd be in the murky deep right now and I'd be crying "bye bye bow wow". . .


----------



## Guest

Soulsurvivor didn't know that you don't necessarily need to send the golf balls down the toilet in the usual manner. But now she can tell you exactly how long the human body takes to process 24 golf balls!!


----------



## Heritagefarm

Zong is actually a rebel toilet flusher who secretly admires tractors. In the event of a storm, you promptly flush yourself to hide from it. Also, if the world ends, zong will be the only survivor left because of your tendency to eat preservative-loaded twinkies.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Zong claims that his Indigo nature is due to the meticulous diet he eats by strictly keeping to a natural food supply furnished by HeritageFarms. There is some indication that the consumption of their Purple Prose Dairy Goats products may contribute to the Indigo trait of higher intelligence. 

All who know zong and HeritageFarms would never question their belief in this food mantra of eating only brain-building natural foods, but we are somewhat concerned that both of them have this unique tendency to sing "Baa Baa Black Sheep" while sitting in the bathroom. When that is followed by the sound of a sonic boom, those of us outside feel the vibrational force of mother nature doing her best to inform us of pending disaster. I'm telling you it's been known to set off the town's tornado sirens. :shocked:


----------



## Heritagefarm

Soulsurvivor is going to start sing "Baa Baa Black Sheep" because of me and zong singing in the bathroom and the sonic booms, the song is infectious. If SL ever needs earplugs, we will know it is because of me and zong's fabuloustastic singing abilities. *glances at shattered windows* Those were SL's fault.  I didn't touch them.
Also, SL really likes doughnuts.


----------



## beccachow

Heritagefarm is actually a homeless street thug, wanted in 29 states.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Beccachow knows that because she's a bounty hunter. She stands at the post office drooling over the posters of the most wanted criminals, committing all those faces to her photographic mind. She never forgets a face. It's really an experience to travel with her and puts me in mind of what it must be like to travel with a storm chaser. She's bloodhound good in tracking down the ravages of society and hauling them in for her just reward.


----------



## Heritagefarm

SL is also a bounty hunter, and is hunting Beccachow, because of the fact that she stole a bunch of Becca Chow (a Becca is a type of rat). She raises bunches of Beccas for a living, and now SL has eaten all her Beccas, and beccachow has fled the country, but SL is hot on her tail.


----------



## Joshie

Heritagefarm is a vegan. Her farm is a front for a secret PETA sting operation.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Joshie is also a vegan, and hates our farm for producing meat & animal products. He appreciates art, and wishes someday to be a fish.


----------



## soulsurvivor

If you're really nice to HeritageFarm, he'll take you to the back forty and show you where he grows his secret garden. You have to walk all the way back to that back forty, which isn't that bad, but after you've enjoyed the bounty of that garden's organic weeds then you have to walk alllllllll the way back to the house. I have so much trouble with that return trip. I keep giggling, and laughing, and falling down laughing, it's so funny I can't keep from laughing.... ok, straighten up and act like you got some sense. . . .now, tell me again what the name of that organic weed is cause it sure makes me feel funny... I could learn to really appreciate this organic stuff. :buds:


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor is Heritagefarm's assistant at the sex change operation hospital. They kidnapped me and tried to turn me into a he. Whew, I am so glad I got away! I heard that they caught Becky and Otter though.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie is on the hunt for a good rug beater. She's tried almost everything in her effort to clean her handmade big wool rug that she inherited from her great great granny. The rug has meticulous attention to detail and is very eye-catching in how it portrays Adam and Eve in the garden, but the years of wear and tear have almost obliterated the fig leaves. Because of this Joshie has decided to give it one last good cleaning and beating and then roll it up to store for future generations to enjoy. If you have any good suggestions, then you can post your reply here and that way Joshie will be certain to see it.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Soulsurvivor is actually a mindless, deranged robot typing randomly on a keyboard in an attempt to learn human language.


----------



## soulsurvivor

No I'm not. 
That would be cleverbot.

http://www.cleverbot.com


----------



## clovis

soulsurvivor said:


> No I'm not.
> That would be cleverbot.
> 
> http://www.cleverbot.com


Soulsurvivor gotten into the baseless lies so much that she is even making them up about herself.


----------



## Joshie

Clovis sleeps on sheets that haven't been washed in two years. He just loves the "beautiful" aroma that now wafts out of his bedroom.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Clovis is actually an 8 year old genius. He divides his time between his true reality and his "pretend" reality. Anything he posts online is obviously his "pretend" reality. His core studies are the behavioral sciences with ongoing development of his doctoral thesis on the power of thought.


----------



## Guest

Soulsurvivor was eliminated from the Happy Farms Home for the Strange annual spelling bee because she couldn't spell #&@%. Well, she sorta could spell it, but she called the "&" a backward cursive S. One thing good came out of it though, she will never forget the word "ampersand" again.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Zong recently consumed a large amount of helium, and now has to talk to people in a squeaky, high pitched micky-mouse/guinea voice. This makes it hard to talk to other people, because they are rolling on the floor laughing. However, she has considered making a comedy show, since she excels at annoying voices now. However, they are going to have to find a building void of glass, because sometime the voice reaches too high... :shocked:


----------



## beccachow

heritagefarm was the original bubble boy, spending his entire childhood in a bubble. When he was about 16, the phone rang, and his doctor said, "Whoops, sorry, turns out I had your blood work mixed up with someone else's. No hard feelings, right?"


----------



## soulsurvivor

Zong is attempting to convince HeritageFarm to go into hand modeling. Zong has been such a success at hand modeling that he has advanced to finger modeling and there is now that void to fill within the modeling agency. Important commissions are ahead for the agency as it travels to DC to film a series showing polite protest hand signals.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Beccachow is still on the run from soulsurvivor, and is now stealing beccas wherever she can find them. Tonight, she will have some fried beccas, and then she will contact Bubble Boy and sell him lots of beccas.


----------



## beccachow

Heritagefam was originally asked to be a hand model and was competing with zong. However, it turns out that the HF's best finger, and the one he kept showing off, was not appropriate. Charges and jail time followed. In a brawl in jail, heritagefarm broke his fingernail from that finger, and has never been the same since. Seems an inmate asked him a question about his handmodeling career, and HF showed him his best finger, and, well...


----------



## Heritagefarm

Beccachow has been caught, and sued for $1,000,000,000, 1,000 times the amount she owned in beccas. But, soulsurvivor, who was chasing beccachow, was caught, drunken from consuming too much Becca Chow. So he was sued 1,000 times 100, which, as the Judge said, "seemed like a good, well-rounded number." SL doesn't think so, and is now using his welder to break out of jail, using Becca Chow as the welding rod, because of it's wonderful ability to be just that.
"But, it smells funny..." claims SL.


----------



## beccachow

Heritagefarm has been sniffing glue again. Apparently.


----------



## msdaisy

"beccachoooooooooooooow" is really the mating call for llamas . . . lol


----------



## tamilee

Hoke not only is driving mrs. Daisy but after their fling they went to Peru and are there raisng rare and highly prized llamas . They are so proud of their llamas that they have adopted several and are raising them as though they were their very own children.


----------



## msdaisy

tamilee, you spoiled the secret! lol


----------



## Joshie

Msdaisy has soulsurvivor drive her around so she can cut daisies from everyone's front yard.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie and MsDaisy are tip-toeing through the tulips. Joshie's sinus problems prohibit the daisy patch. Both of them are working as assistants to Martha Stewart's horticulturists and are walking on hallowed ground in the Netherlands looking for specific strains of tulips that will easily be grown in piles of llama dung compost. It's a touch-and-go day-to-day decision on choosing the correct tulip species for Martha's floral corporation, but Joshie and MsDaisy are fluent in survival in knee deep stuff. They recently recommended a tulip species named Tamilee that is well established as a strong grower in the Netherlands' compost studies. In drought conditions this tulip will hoard moisture into its stalk and use it to "spit" at anyone trying to touch it.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Joshie is planning on planting large amounts of these spitting tulips in sl's yard, so that when she walks out, she immediately is drenched. This tulip species is highly resistant to pruning shears, hands, bolt cutters, weed wackers, and bulldozers. In order to be killed, they must be shot repeatedly. Unfortunately, the last time sl used a gun, it went through the neighbor's window.


----------



## Guest

You want tulips?? Heritage farm, at her best..... [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skU-jBFzXl0[/ame]


----------



## beccachow

the latest link was in fact, zong, after one of his helium binges.


----------



## pattycake

Since Levi Johnson has finally broken free from the clutches of beccachow, he is now free to go back to Bristol Palin. I think we will hear more of this on "48 Hrs. Investigates" or maybe Sixty Minutes.


----------



## beccachow

Well, honestly I don't like to air dirty little secrets, but you won't need to wait to hear the details of my brief time with Levi. Pattycake has been stalking me for years and plans to write a book about me...once she learns to read.


----------



## Minelson

Becca LOVES raisins...she especially likes them after she drops them on the floor in her barn.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Pattycake plans on taking raisins from Beccachow's barn and using them to help her wright a book about beccas and Becca Chow, meanwhile Mililson is going to throw Milelson's goats into her trailer and haul them off the Becca Chow processing plant. Pattycake will then write a book about Minelson's tragedy.


----------



## Joshie

Heritagefarm is lactose intolerant.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Helpful information and tips to deal with lactose intolerance can be found on page 97, paragraph 3 in the book Joshie wrote titled "Body Signals and What They Mean". Most who read and use this book give it a one finger up rating. However, I'll give it a 2 finger rating. :happy: According to the information there about Lactose intolerance, you can bet the barn on the helpful cross reference to the "passing gas" section located on page 3, paragraph 1.


----------



## clovis

Soulsurvivor is so dumb that she thinks that "passing gas" is a game that people play at a gas station.


----------



## Guest

Clovis is a male stripper with the stage name "Bubba Bubcake" He eats eggs all day, then in his show, strips to Tiny Tim songs. When he gets it all off, his audience of elderly bluehaired women scream "Cut one, Bub!!" He obliges them and cuts one. All the paint in the ceiling of the strip club has blistered, and many have actually gone blind.
Famous last words at a Bubcake show "Why don't you turn my way and cut me a few"


----------



## Heritagefarm

Actually, Joshie was correct, and thus is now going to sue clovis for growing clover.
(would edit post, but doesn't want to say anything about zong and clovis...)


----------



## clovis

HeritageFarm is actually too chicken to say anything about Zong or me. We are in a homesteading gang together, don't ya know?


----------



## Heritagefarm

Clovis heads the homesteading gang, and we all go around doing truly horrid things like building chicken coops for people.


----------



## beccachow

Heritage farm likes to go out and dress his cows in silly tutus. Then he dances with them under the light of the moooooooooooon.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Beccachow recently got bailed out of jail, after the recent Becca Chow incident, and is now raising tutus and dressing them up with cows.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Heritage Farm is addicted to Little Debbi cakes. She'll be so grateful to me for telling her that there is a new Little Debbi cake now called Becca Chow Chow. It's in the shape of your favorite dog and tastes like sweet dog biscuits. Low in fat and carbs, it can put the smile on a dog owner's face. Joshie and her circle of crafters are using these new cakes to make door wreaths by thowing on a good coat of varnish to seal the cakes into infinity before attaching them to a circle of grapevines and natural berries. The Becca Chow Chow's are $1.39 for 6 individually wrapped cakes. The grapevine wreaths are $49.95 for an 18" wreath with colored ribbon of your choice.


----------



## pattycake

Soulsurvivor has decided to be a thread killer since she has taken Lindsey Lohan's arrest so personally. Her love of celebrity life far succeeds her love for her homesteader friends. She is weeping with sorrow for Lindsey. Can anyone comfort her?


----------



## NickieL

Pattycake wears dead hens as hats.


----------



## salmonslayer

NickieL really doesnt have a garden and surepticiously takes pictures of her neighbors garden to post here while wearing a pantsuit made of Fortrel Polyesther with a 15% Dacron Twill.

Dang nice pictures though!


----------



## Heritagefarm

Salmon fear the user above me. When he walks onto his porch, they all run away, screaming. They have to get out of the road quick, too, otherwise that's the end of them! And any flying salmon always come back down to the ground, at the hands of his shotgun.


----------



## Toads tool

Heritagefarm-
That boys been smilin' snce the day he was born.
He ain't hurtin' noboby
He ain't hurtin' noone.
-John Prine


----------



## Joshie

Toads tool was recently imprisoned for abusing amphibians. (S)he now secretly teaches other prisoners how to mummify toads and frogs and transform their bodies into hand cuff keys. Naughty, naughty!!!!


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie entertains a frog fantasy. In it, she's the sweet princess looking for the Prince Charming hidden by a fat toadie body awaiting her sweet kiss to change back into his tall handsome self. . . ok, that's a bunch of hogwash, but I fail to find any other explanation for Joshie kissing every toadfrog she can find. . . then again, I'm a toad lip locker myself, but only on their legs after they're cleaned, battered, deep fried and served with hushpuppies and coleslaw.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Soulsurvivor has a rather strange relationship with joshie, as evidenced by the fact that s/he writes long thingys about Joshie but almost no-one else. This is because SL is actually ET and eats peanutbutterandjellysandwiches all the time. In the middle of the night, s/he turns into a turtle and runs through the old mines of the underworld, frequently drinking personified mushrooms and ruining perfectly good wine bottles.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Yaw, it does seem that I pick more than my share on poor Joshie. But she's the most brave one posting here and keeps on posting where others sit back and don't post.

HeritageFarm is busy working on something called an ET Communicator that allows him direct access to the ET community. I don't pretend to know what an ET is, but HeritageFarm is convinced that they exist and are "among" us, whatever that means.

HeritageFarm is also asking for volunteers to help him build a community center for the ETs. . . you know, it's that old "build it and they will come" ploy that's already a worn out concept.

I have a standing invite to HeritageFarm and any one of his ET friends to come have supper with me and my pea chasing bird dog, but he hasn't yet taken me up on that invitation. I guess as long as I'm not the main entree I'll be ok with serving up some southern food for them. 

I have an excellent frog gig that defies out of season detection by becoming invisible at any appearance of the Fish & Game guys. And the hoppers go silent on my command and I appear to just be an old crazy woman out on the bog enjoying the moonlight night. I always bring home over my limit of croakers without getting a fine.

On second thought, I probably would spook most ETs, but just once I'd like to play the ventriloquist and "rib it" everytime they went to eat one of my delicious deep fried frog legs.

So, HeritageFarm, is this enough of a "book" for you? You crafty dude you got me talking with my mouth full....


----------



## Heritagefarm

Unfortunately, my colony of ETs just ran wild and are now taking over the world. They are already at SL's door, demanding fried frog legs. Heck with the door, they're in the kitchen by now! SL is defending the fridge with his frog gig, and Joshie is still cowering in the cupboard after reading SL's latest post about frogs and kisses.:shocked: I also make no claims about posts before this one, if any...


----------



## beccachow

I have personally never seen heritagefarm, joshie, or soulsurvivor in the same room at the same time. I have long suspected they are one and the same.


----------



## clovis

Beccachow was so dumb as a little girl that she never got invited to slumber parties with other girls of her age. Well, actually, she got invited twice, and each time, she brought a 2 x 4, a 2 x 6, and a half sheet of plywood.

Poor gal thought they were having "lumber parties".


----------



## Joshie

Clovis, clovis, clovis... It's your fault that it's been so very hot. Admit it! You see, folks, clovis tried to do a rain dance earlier this year. Unfortunately, clovis didn't realize that when you do a rain dance wearing nothing more than a feather boa and rubber boots, it causes these horrid hot temperatures. 

Clovis ran screaming like a little girl when Pastor drove by the house as clovis was doing his little dance. Soulsurvivor and I had a good laugh, though, when the pastor showed us the pictures during last Sunday's church services. 

Soulsurvivor, have you got that new website, clovisisneeked.com up and running yet?


----------



## soulsurvivor

:smiley-laughing013: Give me a minute to recover myself Joshie. That last post by clovis is killing me. . . . :smiley-laughing013:

Sorry Joshie, but I handed off that duty to HeritageFarm, since I figured he was already working on that ET communicator thingie then it would be a very simple thing to include the clovis website as part of all that. I hate tech, you know that, don't you? Of course you do, since you, me, and HeritageFarm make 3 into 1 according to becca chow chow chow.

I missed out on that clovis raindance spectacular too. So, I'm going to host all us bored to tears folks a nice polite pj party, at my house next Friday night. Come with games, snack junk food, and your pj gear and we'll greet the Saturday sun wondering where the time went.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Well, it appears I'm in control of some website called clovissneeked.com. Unforetunetely, my group of ETs demolished my computer, and I am actually typing this on my brainpad. In the rare event that SL finds me, I will indeed come to the pj party, provided I can find them... I think the ETs have them right now... Oh, crap, here they come. If they start tyhpoing ohn tghisf hbjhrlhigy5n y88*%^**& htR ,'e0eg vFA^%d67532irv col-toer9m,kb


----------



## soulsurvivor

HeritageFarm, speak to me! Are you still kicking? Get you a broom, maybe one of them homemade kind and sweep them ET critters out of your way! I set sticky traps everywhere and you'd be amazed at what I can find stuck to those little non-chemical wonders of entrapment. 

Oh, and next time India answers one of your service calls, ask them about getting you a shot at buying yourself one of these:
http://www.wimp.com/indiacomputer


----------



## beccachow

heritage farm cannot answer the prior post, as he is stuck on one of soulsurvivor's sticky traps. I warned you about those sticky traps, but NOOOOO, you think it's too funny to set them up in restaurants, libraries, bus stops...


----------



## Joshie

Becky recently started an organization whose stated goal is to rid the US of all chows. She says she's doing acupuncture but she's puncturing without any accuracy.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Contrary to what her mouth says, Joshie is busy busy with getting an outdoor skate course built on her property. It's devious in its design and is a camo for getting to her front or back door and arrive there still in one piece. Her sidewalks aren't just sidewalks. They are almost bottomless pits awaiting your next uninformed misstep into oblivion. 

Me and Pea Chaser went to visit Joshie last night. Pea Chaser is still there, lost somewhere in Curve 2 and trying to scratch his way out of the concrete jungle. Oh, and don't bother yourself with asking Joshie for help. Her idea for that is to call animal control for you. 

So, even though the heat index is topping a hundred today, I'm going back to Joshie's house and trying to get Pea Chaser out of that sinkhole that Joshie calls her "fun time skate and roll" mess of concrete structures. I "borrowed" the skateboard next door to me and I'm dropping that down to Pea Chaser with the hope that he can figure it out as being his only way out. Lord someone needs to video this but it ain't gonna be me as I'm scared of them point and shoot things.


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow said:


> heritage farm cannot answer the prior post, as he is stuck on one of soulsurvivor's sticky traps. I warned you about those sticky traps, but NOOOOO, you think it's too funny to set them up in restaurants, libraries, bus stops...


umm, check your butt when you get up. I think I may have accidently left a sticky calling card when me and Pea Chaser came to visit last night.


----------



## soulsurvivor

soulsurvivor said:


> Contrary to what her mouth says, Joshie is busy busy with getting an outdoor skate course built on her property. It's devious in its design and is a camo for getting to her front or back door and arrive there still in one piece. Her sidewalks aren't just sidewalks. They are almost bottomless pits awaiting your next uninformed misstep into oblivion.
> 
> Me and Pea Chaser went to visit Joshie last night. Pea Chaser is still there, lost somewhere in Curve 2 and trying to scratch his way out of the concrete jungle. Oh, and don't bother yourself with asking Joshie for help. Her idea for that is to call animal control for you.
> 
> So, even though the heat index is topping a hundred today, I'm going back to Joshie's house and trying to get Pea Chaser out of that sinkhole that Joshie calls her "fun time skate and roll" mess of concrete structures. I "borrowed" the skateboard next door to me and I'm dropping that down to Pea Chaser with the hope that he can figure it out as being his only way out. Lord someone needs to video this but it ain't gonna be me as I'm scared of them point and shoot things.


I'm happy to report that Pea Chaser is now home, safe and alive, but a bit skeetish of walking without first throwing a paper wad ahead of him to check for depth measuring. This is going to be one good earthquake sinkhole dog if ever needed. 

So Joshie, are you going to open your skate park up to the public, or just your closest friends? How's that going to work for you?


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor invented a new game. You take a straw, put it in your mouth, then spit through that straw at a pea. The object of the game is to see who can move the pea the farthest without drowning in those hockers.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie is so talented at inventing new games and entertainment for all us here in the deep hot southern humidity. This weather just screams at us to go find a shady seat somewhere and if it wasn't for Joshie's games enticing us to move then none of us would get our daily dose of exercise. I just love going to her shower parties be it for a new baby, an upcoming wedding or for someone moving into a new home. 

Last week Joshie hosted a baby shower for Dave and Mattie Lou Hinkle who are expecting their new arrivals of a boy/girl twin set sometime next month or check with the new moon dates. Joshie went all out in the games/fun for this baby shower. She made a 7 layer blue/pink diaper cake and we had to guess how many diapers were in the cake. Becca Chow Chow won this game with a guess of 100 diapers and for her prize she received an IOU from Joshie for the same cake if/when Becca needs one for a party/shower. 

Then Joshie had us play a game called "Speak or Hold". Lullaby music was played while everyone stood in a circle and quickly passed a messy diaper. Chocolate was the mess so it was in good taste. If you were holding the diaper when the music stopped, you had to "speak" and tell a secret you knew or "hold" your peace and drop out of the game. I had to give up my secret that I play a CD of gator mating music to lure big gators to my outdoor pool. Last one standing was clovis and he won a pound of baking chocolate from Bissingers Chocolates and yes, he won that mess. 

Joshie also provided the best little table mints in blue and pink that I've ever tasted. I just love mint in anything, especially mint juleps. As a shower momento Joshie gave everyone a pair of paper cups in blue and pink and tied together with ribbon and filled with her delicious homemade table mints. A good time was had by all and Dave and Mattie Lou received much appreciated baby items for their expected in August arrivals. 

I really like attending Joshie's bachelorette parties where she still has that cake game, only that cake is bigger and is made from boxes of confetti that fly everywhere when the surprise man jumps out of it. What a thrill. Joshie always has the hot spot to be when someone's tying the knot. That last cake jumper she had was Chuck Norris and that's how I found out that he can help with removing gators from the outdoor pool. If you're ever bored around here it's your own fault.


----------



## Feral Nature

soulsurvivor wears high water pants and black socks with white shoes. soulsurvivor also watches America's Next Top Model.


----------



## Joshie

Feral Nature is just irked because she was 237th in the race for America's Top Model. 

You should see her shoes. They are bright red with pink heels. They have purple twirling tassels. I heard soulsurvivor asking her where she got those shoes 'cause she wants 2 or 3.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Feral Nature is our little town's gossip columnist and she does quite a bit of observing to come up with some of the more steamy unknowns to satisfy our curious minds. She knows that I sometimes wear that lovely black/white color scheme on the days when I have my vapor attacks and associated gout issues. I really don't like to stand out in a crowd on those days and always dress down to minimize attention. I love wearing my soft white diabetic crew socks with my heavy black Propet sandals with the adjustable velcro straps. It all just makes my walking journey that much sweeter. 

Feral Nature also keeps up with all our favorite celebrities and keeps us abreast of their comings and goings. She always gives us the heads up on when Chuck is passing through town. It gives me time to send my pool man on a short vacation and play some of my favorite CDs. By the time Chuck arrives I'm in great need of his services for my pool.

Joshie always invites herself over when Chuck stops by. She can't resist wearing some of her most colorful outfits when she comes. The last time she really got Chuck's attention with the shoes she wore for the visit. Imagine our surprise when Joshie danced in wearing bright red boots with fuschia pink 3 inch spike heels and purple twirling tassles on them. During that show we got to watch as Joshie did things with purple twirling tassles that were amazing illusions of wonderment. I never imagined that purple tassles could stick so good to a cotton sports bra. Chuck was speechless as well as me and Feral Nature. I had to be somewhat understanding of why Feral didn't include that narrative in her next gossip column. Some things just cry out that you had to see it to believe it, and that was one of those times.


----------



## beccachow

slsrvvr stl ll my vwls frm my kybrd s cnt tll bggst scrt yt! Gv thm bck mmdtly.


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow said:


> slsrvvr stl ll my vwls frm my kybrd s cnt tll bggst scrt yt! Gv thm bck mmdtly.


:hysterical:

I O U!

ound:


----------



## clovis

Wanna know why Soulsurvivor has so much time to make up baseless lies? 

She is on house arrest!


----------



## beccachow

clvs s jst mkng stff p nw. Tht s wrng.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Wht? cn't ndrstnd y . Bt, ctlly, Slsrvvr s crrk, nd nds t b cght. Bfr sh stls mr vwls. RGH!


----------



## soulsurvivor

I'm so glad I have this forum to use for talking with my friends. I ain't got one of them tweet and twitter things and find that I'm often left out of the gossip loop here abouts. I used to have a tracfone but I had to get rid of it when it started doing that odd vibrating thing in my pocket. Almost caused me to have a heart attack from the shock of that sensation. 

Becca Chow Chow and HeritageFarm used to ring me up on my landline phone and we'd shoot the breeze for hours, but now they just want to massage messages out on them little birdie boxes. I'm guessing they get lots of finger exercises in during the day. By the way, what is this smilie supposed to be doing? :goodjob: It kinda reminds me of my dearly departed husband. I was always warning people away from shaking his hand cause he always kept his hands warm with exercises and it was untelling what he'd had a hold of. But he sure could make quick work of wringing a chicken's neck. I sure miss those fresh chickens now. 

oh and hey there clovis. When you gonna ring me and share your shopping secrets with me? I'm almost always by this phone if I'm home. And who told you that big lie about me being on house arrest? I'm wearing this heavy metal ankle bracelet cause it's cute. It does a little vibration too. Seems everywhere you go these days, there's something wanting to vibrate with you.


----------



## beccachow

Look, SS, no one wants to talk on your silly tin can/yarn contraption. We tried to tell you your cheapskate ways would cost you friends, but you don't listen. SS is so cheap, she re-uses toilet paper. Don't ask me how I know, it is a long story involving cows, plastic wrap, soda cans and a guy named Joe.


----------



## soulsurvivor

hmmm, been sitting here dredging the memories of my mind and I ain't coming up with anything about that story. Refresh me please.


----------



## beccachow

Senility is an awful thing, isn't it, dearie? Not that I would ever let anyone know about your senility, or is it still the amnesia from when you fell off the bar and hit your head whilst dancing in a red rubber chicken suit that night? Oh, sure, claim you don't recall that, either. Since you fell on top of Clovis and heritagefarm, perhaps they can refresh you on the rubber suit incident. Joshie was DJ'ing that night, and missed it all. I told Feral Nature NOT to mix you those Long Island Iced Teas...you, all slobbery about needing "Just one more...hiccup...Sweet Tea..." I tell ya, it was embarrassing. You do, however, rock a cool rubber chicken suit. Pea Chaser had to sweep you off the floor...good times, good times.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Ouch, I remember that. Had a concussion for weeks, and was afraid of anyone weighing over 180#s after that! Not to say SS is fat, but a few hundred #s wouldn't be missed. And oh, Becky, don't you reuse YOUR toilet paper? I've got a million $$$ machine that completely automates the process of santization of the whole process that simply makes processed toilet paper from the store a process that I just don't usually process through my head.


----------



## soulsurvivor

:ashamed: I was going to deny the entire rubber chicken suit thing, but then I went and looked in my closet. . . one red rubber chicken suit on the hanger clear at the back of my closet....:stars: but I ain't senile yet. It just seems that way if I allow myself to drink sweet tea. Me and the sugars have to keep some distance. 

HeritageFarm is going to stop by later and help me develop a new diet plan and hopefully I can drop some #s before I make my trip to see the Dr Phil show. I want to make certain I'm in tip top shape to show my support of you and your backwards horse when you go on Dr Phil's for advice on how to continue your relationship with all the miscommunication flaws addressed by the good doctor. I know you're nervous about this Becca Chow Chow, but I really do think it's best for both you and your horse to seek the ultimate in good psychological care at this critical point in your horsey relationship.


----------



## Joshie

Oh, come on, soulsurvivor! Please quit with your lies. You know that you're not going on Dr. Phil. You're going to be on the Maury Povich show. You know that you and Becca Chowy Chow been makin' chicks. Heritagefarm says them chicks be his. So..... Maury is doin' one o' dem paternity tests on dem chickadees. 

By the way, what _is_ Long Island Iced Tea?


----------



## megafatcat

A drink made solely of 5? liquors. You would know that if you were not secretly spending so much time cuddling with the family of skunks living under the porch. I know you love them and they are cute, but the secret is out. Everyone in smelling distance knows!


----------



## Heritagefarm

Our new diet plan for SS worked. She's now so skinny, she's being IV fed on blendered hamburgers. We hope she stops salivating so much, it's really quite hard on the washing machine.


----------



## Joshie

Heritagefarm is senile. That's why he doesn't lie about the person right above him. He's jealous of megafatcat and is thinking about of changing his name to megafatskunk. Heritagefarm is the one who stinks, by the way. I tried to help him out by pouring hot, soapy water on him and part of his stink wore off on me.  I'll remember to never help him again. :stars:


----------



## Heritagefarm

And part of this is because Joshie was the one who stank to begin with, and now she has the audacity to blame ME for the smell! Honestly, I don't know what's up wit' her. Has something to do with KFC and corral reefs, though.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Sometimes that little phrase gets me right in the heart. You know the one where it says you don't know who your friends are til you need em. I'm so blessed with all my dear friends, sucking fat off me and wiping my droolies and never making a fuss about it and knowing I'd do same for them if needed.

I'm in a quick recovery mode here and now because I just met the most pleasant man, and on my porch of all places. HeritageFarm had me propped up in my porch rocker to watch the sunset, which was gorgeous by the way, when this older silver haired man came walking by on the sidewalk. He waved and although I didn't know him I yelled at the top of my lungs for him to come sit a spell and speak with me. He obliged and was just the most informed person I've met in awhile. He's a retired truck driver and has been just everywhere and has so many wonderful stories to share. 

For instance, he told me there were 4 bra categories. The Catholic bra supports the masses, the Salvation Army bra lifts the fallen, the Presbyterian bra keeps them staunch and upright, and the Baptist bra makes mountains out of molehills. He winked and nodded at me and told me he could tell I was a Baptist. I was just dumbfounded that he could know that about me. I gave him my landline number and he's going to call me sometimes and just talk. I feel so grateful for having met yet another new friend.

Oh, and HeritageFarm, if you're still around, could you please come over and move me back in the house? The skeeters are full now.


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor is so fat 'cause she eats only one thing: pork. She drinks only one thing: butter. She also likes to dip her pork in butter like everyone else dips their cookies in milk.

At least she keeps her local skeeters happy.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie likes to tip cows. Poorly, even after they provide her with excellent service.

Soulsurvivor is really Octomom. Sadly, the other 3 children in the family get no TV airtime because saying Eleveno Mom isn't as catchy.

Heritagefarm enjoys shooting cockroaches with rubber bands. He is secretly training an army of cockroaches to take over the world.

Megafatcat is a hunchback. Clovis enjoys tipping Megafatcat because the effect is much like a turtle, rocking back and forth to get off it's back.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Excuse me Becca Chow Chow, hon, but you forgot one. What about Feral Nature? 

Now who's getting senile and forgetting stuff?

That's ok honey. It happens to the best and brightest of us as we go forward in this mudfest called Life. From what I can observe it's the toughest that fall the hardest too. 

Joshie, I don't eat pork. I'm on that Drew Carey diet of egg whites and water with a few steamed veggies thrown in. Have you seen how much weight he's lost? Why, he's so skinny folks will be trying to figure out where that voice is coming from when he says "come on down". He's really going to be at a disadvantage now when trying to hug all them big winners that are jumping him in their excitement.


----------



## Joshie

That old cartoon called _Bobby's World _was about soulsurvivor's life. That was my son's favorite cartoon. He cried for a week when he found out that Bobby was really Bobbi aka soulsurvivor.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Joshie is responsible for the missing posts in this topic.


----------



## beccachow

Heritage farm celebrates his 119th birthday today. Happy Birthday!


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor gave beccachow the recipe for that great snack food called Puppy Chow. Beccachow didn't follow the recipe. She ate real Puppy Chow instead. She liked it so much that she always offers this appetizer to her visitors. I don't even want to tell you what she serves for the main course! Oh, and her lemonade has a strange taste .... for some reason she prepares her lemonade in her half bath. :teehee:


----------



## soulsurvivor

Some of us here in the Wretched Falls retirement community are on to Joshie and her stories about what foods we serve. Those of us who "really" know Joshie understand that she's the resident dumpster diver that doesn't want that fact about herself well known out in the general public venue.

I personally see no harm in being a dumpster diver. Goodness knows I've scratched dirt myself more than a time or two to come up with some viddles to eat. But Joshie has a corner on the prime dumpster located behind our Senior Citizens Center. It's where all the best food and old men can be found. 

Why just the other day I had walked out back of the center to take a break from a crushing loss in the Rook game, and there was Joshie hand feeding old Mr Timmons what looked to be old grapes. She had herself all draped across his wheelchair giggling something about "crazing for raisins". I had to do an immediate spit and shine on my spectacles cause I doubted what I was seeing. Nope, still there in all her glory and meshed into Mr Timmons lifestyle. 

hmm, I hear that Rook game calling me.


----------



## clovis

soulsurvivor is the only person I've ever met that likes playing strip Rook.

It gives "shoot the moon" a whole new meaning...soulsurvivor calls it "show the moon".


----------



## Joshie

Clovis wears a jumpsuit everywhere, even to church. He makes everyone call him Elvis. He dances like Red Skelton though.

Ooh, we played Rook with my grandma as we were growing up. I even have my grandma's old deck. Miss my grandma....


----------



## Ravenlost

Every full moon Joshie goes out and tries to "shoot the moon" with her slingshot. The only way her family can get her to quit is to start whooping and hollering that she just hit the man in the moon right in the eye.

Really irritates the neighbors!


----------



## clovis

Ravenlost still believes the moon is made of cheese.


----------



## Guest

Clovis is cheesed off because nobody wants him to moon.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Poor zong, he's hit hard times. He's currently trying to make it work as the old Burger King King. Guess we can call him King Zong now.


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor was the first Crash Test Dummy.


----------



## Ravenlost

Joshie rode around town with her top down because it was so hot.







She was in a convertible. DUH!


----------



## soulsurvivor

Ravenlost rides around town in her pickup truck with a sign that says FREE RIDES. . . . . but she charges you $5 for everytime she has to turn over her egg timer on the dashboard. . . and she gives you the flyswatter treatment if you don't pay up.


----------



## Joshie

Ravenlost wears her shirts on her bottom half and her pants as a hat. Let me tell you, it is a sight. My daughter saw her and ran screaming from the sight.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Joshie is a communist from San Antonio, and dances around the fire singing war songs. Unfortunately, the only thing to fight with are trees, resulting in severely de-leafed trees. The local police are trying to identify why there is a strange de-leafing happening, and are baffled by the prevalence of soot around de-leafed trees, as well as Bubble-gum wrappers and guides that read "_Happy Idiots Guide to Paganism and Tree De-leafing_." When they catch her, they plan to de-hair her.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Here in our Wretched Falls retirement commune, we feel blessed in having Ms Joshie as our fashion police person. We all listen to her well intentioned advice while balancing a grain of salt on our middle finger. 

With the extreme heat and high humids Ms Joshie is instructing us old-timers on how to properly wear our swimwear. She tells us that it's not proper etiquette to leave our swimwear behind in the pool when we exit. I personally count on being able to view a few naked rear enders in my daily visit to the public pool, but Ms Joshie is instructing all the old men on what proper sizing of swim trunks is all about. Shoot, she went and spoiled all my visual fun.


----------



## soulsurvivor

HeritageFarm is one of our most recent additions to our Wretched Falls retirement commune. You can see that he's really well read and aware of all that's happening around him. I have yet to see him swim, but would guess that he's very buoyant without the need for a life vest. I seriously doubt that he would ever drown due to the hot air he expells. As soon as I get my nerve up, I'm going to ask him to take me for a float across the deep end of the pool. These high humid days are really good for meet and greet with the fish people.


----------



## Guest

The only reason soulsurvivor ended up at the Wretched Falls retirement commune was because she blew her $20 retirement package from Piedmont Precision Misery Mongers(Custom Misery Made to Order) on 2 hotdogs and a Bud at the High Roller Bar and Grill.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Zong recently made a new game called the ZXongers. The ZXongers is a game involving fast reactions, counterability, agility, high brain processing speeds, big muscles, clams, great eye-sight, highly sensitive taste buds, good hearing, silky hair, cardboard, flat feet, an ability to move silently through the woods, and a lack of fear of heights exceeding 1 mile. This game is currently underway, although the main problem is figuring out how to incorporate all that stuff.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Zong, you can make an application to live here in Wretched Falls if you need a place to stay for awhile. It's really better than it looks on first glance and there's a many here that's very grateful for having some roofing over our heads, especially during the high hots of this humid weather. 

The Senior Citizens Center is where all the action is and I know they love having young musicians and talented acts stop by and perform for our entertainment. You'd fit right in with your Huh? dance moves. I think most everyone here is a Huh? fan, although it does sometimes sound like Duh? but pay them no mind as they haven't yet woke up good. 

Our most recent free talent performer came here with his pet catfish. He had it trained to roll over on its back so you could pet its belly. But you know how it is with old timers and one fish looks like another. There was some severe mix-up in the Senior Center's kitchen and the pet catfish got mistaken for the evening entree and passed into the deep-fried portion of his short life.


----------



## Guest

Heritagefarm and soulsurvivor invite you all to the grand opening of their new joint venture, sure to be an epic failure. Called "Beer and Whine" its a chain of combination convenience stores/psychoanalyst offices. You buy your beer, then while drinking it, complain to the "psychoanalyst" who is really the convenience store guy with a really bad "Sigmund Freud" accent. I would have went in with them, but something has gone terribly wrong, since I sent my own retirement money to that guy who was going to use my bank account to smuggle eleventy-seven zillion dollars out of Nigeria and give me half.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Oh goodness zong, these are fearsome financial times if you can't trust your inside self to guide you with your investments. I understand that trials such as yours will cloud your trust in the goodness of humanity, so I'm offering this short film clip in hopes that it will restore your joy in being one of the human race:

http://www.wimp.com/wherematt/

I'm so sorry to hear of your hard times, so I won't charge you my normal psycho fee of $100. I'll give you a break and settle for a cherry Coke and a chocolate moon pie instead.


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor is psycho and thinks that everyone should pay her $100. If you don't pay up she hides in the bushes outside and take pictures. Once she photographed Zong hanging up the laundry on the line. She didn't see those naked rear ends at the pool. She saw them at Zong's. Scary!


----------



## salmonslayer

Joshie has been profiled on America's Most Wanted for ripping the tags off of discount matresses and her penchant for promoting the illegal imigration of pseudo royalty from Monaco.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I honestly don't know how salmonslayer's wife puts up with his odd hobby pursuits. Me and Pea Chaser visited their farm last week and salmonslayer showed off his newest lego creation - a huge green tractor made out of lego pieces and it stands 6 ft tall which is why it's in the front parlor where the high ceilings are located. His poor wife goes around mumbling something about a boy and his toys, and it's so sad.


----------



## salmonslayer

> His poor wife goes around mumbling something about a boy and his toys, and it's so sad.


 Thats actually so close to the truth its scary!!


----------



## Heritagefarm

All these dead salmons lying around here, it's just sad. Honestly, can't you find anything better to do than to kill poor salmon?


----------



## soulsurvivor

HeritageFarm claims to be the cream separator guy but we old-timers have a suspicion he separates more than just cream. We've actually witnessed that cream growing legs and dancing around the table. We do love a spot of his cream for our morning caffs here in Wretched Falls. It really gives us the get up and whoa every morning as we share our muffins and small talk. I have to set myself at a one cup limit of the creamed coffee. Otherwise I'm creamed.


----------



## soulsurvivor

salmonslayer said:


> Thats actually so close to the truth its scary!!


Don't worry hon. They maybe forgot to tell you that I'm telepathically endowed and also have a kodak memory.


----------



## Joshie

Just to tell you, Pea Chaser told me the other day that soulsurvivor is endowed with more than telepathically endowed. Yep, she's endowed with warty growths on her nose. It's a scary sight. :hand:


----------



## Ravenlost

Joshie knows all about warts. She sneaks out at night and kisses frogs.


----------



## cjb

Ravenlost braids her armpit hair and shaves her eyebrows.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I see that the famous food caterer, cjb has stopped by to offer his critique of all things food worthy of conversation. Cjb does a food tray selection that has an amazing range of delicate choices in which to indulge. The Wretched Falls Senior Citizen Center has used his catering services many times and I always show up for those events just so I can sample the food choices. 

I always try to make the annual "Shakes Appear in the Dark" event held during the Halloween season because Cjb does the food catering. Imagine tray after tray of food items that have to be felt up before consumation. I love the one where he has a bowl of grapes in a mayo dressing and while in the dark you are told it's eyeballs from all the cats in the neighborhood. 

The really big hit of his food presenting is the bowl of encased bratwurst that's passed off as brains taken from the moderators of the Homesteading Today online discussion forum. 

A good time is had by all and it's always due in large part to Cjb and his magic touch on the food.


----------



## cjb

cjb said:


> Ravenlost braids her armpit hair and shaves her eyebrows.


Oh wait! These are supposed to be fictional?

My bad.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Cjb is a crazy spychodelical lily-livered pudding-spirited whey-hearted candle weilding nasty-herbaltea-drinking battering ram of a guy.  He also loves chicken with 3-year-old milk curds on it. And his house (the inside) is covered in moss.


----------



## Joshie

Heritagefarm is a 12 year old girl.


----------



## cjb

Heritagefarm said:


> Cjb is a crazy spychodelical lily-livered pudding-spirited whey-hearted candle weilding nasty-herbaltea-drinking battering ram of a guy.  He also loves chicken with 3-year-old milk curds on it. And his house (the inside) is covered in moss.


I do not weild candles.


----------



## beccachow

cjb picks his nose and wipes his pickin's on his cash. I will never borrow a dollar from him again.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Becca Chow Chow just called and told me she is just blown out tuckered tired but still giddy with all her great memories of the 127 Highway YardSale today. I can't wait to see that big backscratcher she got for just a dollar, ceptin' she's calling it a cjb scratcher.... oh well, I'll get to see it soon enough and give it a try myself.


----------



## beccachow

You, my friend, will NEVER borrow my backscratcher due to the copious amounts of hair you have on your back. That is just gross. Maybe cjb can shave your back for you again, and you can spin the hair into yarn and knit another sweater. By the way, I really would like to pass on the sweater you said you were going to make me for Christmas this year.


----------



## Joshie

Since Becca Chow Chow is bald, soulsurvivor was kind enough to knit some hair for her. The biggest problem with the wig was that while she was grabbing for some horse hair she grabbed White Rock chicken feathers instead. Let me tell you, a wig made from knitted white feathers is a sight to see!

Becca Chow Chow is a little self conscious. Next time you see her please compliment her lovely hair. The constant snickering behind her back is causing her to cry.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I'm so sorry Becca Chow Chow but someone greatly misinformed you about that sweater. I labored and knitted that by using the backhair cjb had shaved off his back because it was a prettier color than mine. I don't know what he did with that sweater but thinking maybe he gave it to his wife. I've never seen her wear it yet, but that doesn't surprise me cause I made the sleeves too short when I ran out of hair to use. I thought about finishing out the sleeves by using some of Pea Chaser's sheddings, but the colors clashed just something awful.


----------



## soulsurvivor

ahhh, I'm so sorry Becca Chow Chow. I made it carefully by following the style of Lady Ga Ga Gag. She didn't have any problems making the Top Ten Best Dressed List with it. Maybe if you added some eyeliner and lipstick in a fervent fuschia color then that would help bring out the white lights of that hair piece?


----------



## soulsurvivor

zong said:


> Heritagefarm and soulsurvivor invite you all to the grand opening of their new joint venture, sure to be an epic failure. Called "Beer and Whine" its a chain of combination convenience stores/psychoanalyst offices. You buy your beer, then while drinking it, complain to the "psychoanalyst" who is really the convenience store guy with a really bad "Sigmund Freud" accent. I would have went in with them, but something has gone terribly wrong, since I sent my own retirement money to that guy who was going to use my bank account to smuggle eleventy-seven zillion dollars out of Nigeria and give me half.


zong, I was so sad to hear of this predictamint and hope this video gives you the uplifting needed to get back up on that stage and do your Huh? dance and song. These are your newest Huh? dance fans of the Huh? one foot stomp:
http://www.wimp.com/catstreadmill/

Now that Oggie's cats are doing your dance, it's just a matter of time before you go viral.


----------



## beccachow

soulsurvivor said:


> ahhh, I'm so sorry Becca Chow Chow. I made it carefully by following the style of Lady Ga Ga Gag. ?


I am not one to talk about people. I think it is rude to gossip, you know...


But I have seen you modeling the Lady GaGa look, and the machine gun bra as depicted in her latest video does not suit you. I am sorry I mistook your Madonna Pointy Cone bra for a Snowball cup and filled it with ice. 

I don't want to mention a site like People of Walmart, but there is a picture of Zong in his daisy dukes, Joshie in a hot pink jumpsuit with a feather boa and leg warmers...Heritage Farm walking a duck through the aisles, cjb wearing a WHAM t-shirt with the arms cut off and skin tight jeans (hello, dude, it isn't 1985 any more, ok?). There was going to be a reality TV Show called People of Homesteading Today, but the American People just are not ready for it. :umno::nono:


----------



## Heritagefarm

OK, I'll do the show hosting, zong can be the photographer, SS can do the marketing and cjb can be the stuffed dummy for zong's horrid photos. We'll make millions off of a horrendous show, but hey, reality TV and soap operas survive, so.... Why not? We could also have beccachow be the filmer. We also need a driver, because everyone has had their drivers licenses revoked, in part do to oggling People of Walmart on SS's (SSSSSS'S's'sS) Blackberry Smile.


----------



## Ravenlost

Heritagefarm asked me if I would do an armpit hair braiding demonstration for his new show and I have graciously accepted.


----------



## beccachow

I take exception to being told I oggle. In fact, I do not ogle, I google. SOmetimes I toodle, but that is for a different thread.

Heritage Farm, you need to lear how to READ the teleprompter. I will start you out...See Spot Run. Am I going too fast for you? Oh, rats, I am sorry, I swore I wouldn't tell. Don't worry, this thread has only been hit about 12000 times, so only your closest friends know of your problem. We are here to support you.

Raven, I am so glad you will be joining us. I will also be passing on your offer of knitted pants for my Christmas present this year, knowing that you spin armpit hair; I lied when I told you it felt like silk.


----------



## Joshie

Becca Chow Chow is very hairy. That's putting it mildly too. She grows the hair on her legs soooooo long that Ravenlost crochets it into hot pads. Unfortunately, Becca Chow Chow Thought that Raven said she was knitting hot pants. Let me tell you, seeing Becky with leg hair short pants is NOT a pretty sight. 

My daughter saw her in her get up. She's damaged for life.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Before I get around to answering all abouts, I must address a needed correction to my idol, Zong. Hon, I just didn't realize you had put so much of yourself into the HuH? phenom, but I see that you've already got a third video online for all to see:
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyWqnIR36rw&feature=related[/ame]

I'm without words here as that's so indicative of how dedicated a performer you are.:bow:


----------



## soulsurvivor

Wretched Falls breakfast groupies have had plenty of greasies to smear our widdle palates with this lovely morning. First, cjb is setting up a new community cb system that will assist in all coming emergencies. I've been practicing with our other elders here on how to do a convincing "hey good buddy" and "got yer ears on" cb speak this morning. 

It's going to be so much more fun to interact with our police scanners now by using our cb's to commune our needs in times of worries. It's also going to maybe help Becca Chow Chow in her part time pursuit of all the missing people for her bounty hunter rewards. She's been very insistent that there's a hair bandit on the loose somewhere around this neighborhood. So many of us are trying to help her locate someone that's wearing a hair suit that she claims is made from braided armpit hair.

Us oldies give each other the pit check and smell every morning but we ain't found no braids yet. Well, I have to correct on that as there's a new woman here named Ravenlost that does wear her pit hair in braids, but it's so tastefully done that we scan her on through. We think she's eating the onion and garlic to make her smell off limits to Joshie. 

ah, Joshie, she's just the cat's meow here and abouts and she's currently walking around our coffee tables and sticking her pinky finger in our cups. She does this to check and make certain we're not sucking down coffee that's too hot for our delicate elder natures. 

And then there's HeritageFarm without whom none of us would want to miss. His cream is in our coffee every morning and his smile is our reward.

Wretched Falls is beyond blessed to have so many community leaders and instigators. And as always, our community motto is "if you're bored it's your own fault."


----------



## Joshie

The poor, wretched elderly people at soulsurvivor's retirement home fall because soulsurvivor pushes them.


----------



## Guest

Soulsurvivor has 60 laying hens. Joshie had 600 pounds of pinto beans. Beccachow has an acre of ripe cabbage. They got together and came up with a meal consisting of a dozen eggs in an omelette, wrapping a quart of mashed pinto beans, topped generously with boiled cabbage leaves. They sell their specialty at traveling carnivals all over the midwest. 
Soul has a special act where she eats 3 of them, and breaks wind in time to the latest HuH hit, "Cut another one momma, I'm still conscious" becca somehow talked herself into 81% of the profits because her job is to stand up and point in case nobody knows where it's coming from. She's never stood up yet. Joshie gets nothing, but has faithfully bought a ticket to every show. She laughs and laughs, then says "Bless her heart..."


----------



## clovis

Zong routinely steals money from the donation cans...you know the ones, for children's hospitals...at area convenience stores.


----------



## Guest

Hey!! What do children know about running a hospital anyway?
Clovis has inflated a weather balloon by inhaling helium and blowing it into the weather balloon while talking like Donald Duck. His doctor told him it would take 10 years off his life, but at age 143, he don't even care.


----------



## beccachow

Zong is part Zebra, part Onion, part Neanderthal, and part Grape. He is the result of an experiment done at Wretched Falls Retirement Community. The populice at Wretched Falls is generally ticked at him, since he takes more than his fair share of Depends. His saying is, "Depends. On if I feel like getting up to go to the bathroom or not."


----------



## Joshie

Becca Chow Chow flaps her arms like a chicken and says, "Grape Ape, Grape Ape" for all the people at Wretched Falls.

Becca Chow Chow puts on a show where she carries soulsurvivor around on her head.


----------



## soulsurvivor

:indif: We elders here at the Wretched Falls Retirement Commune are still trying to sort out all the financial claims that are being made against our barely existent pool of coins. Take for instance this one here from Becca Chow Chow for some silly thing called a "Grape Ape" show. Yes, we all got to see BCC come prancing through our center here dressed as a huge purple monkey wearing a baseball cap, but come on, that couldn't justify a financial charge of a hundred dollars!!! 

And I see here that Joshie has submitted a bill for $50 for burn ointment to use on her little pinky finger. She claims she's constantly having a finger rash due to using her finger as a temperature gauge for our coffee. I hate to tell her that some of the male elders are adding alka seltzer to their cups so they can watch Joshie's reaction when she sticks her pinky in there and they get to watch her do her cute little dance and finger sucking move. 

I'm telling ya, it's just adding wrinkles to our poor old foreheads to try and make ends meet these days, but we oldies keep trying by sitting in each others laps.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie said:


> Becca Chow Chow flaps her arms like a chicken and says, "Grape Ape, Grape Ape" for all the people at Wretched Falls.
> 
> Becca Chow Chow puts on a show where she carries soulsurvivor around on her head.


Joshie, we here at Wretched Falls Retirement Commune are going to approve the purchase of finger ointment for you, but I'm going to have to ask that you find a way to visit your eye doctor. That's not me on Becca Chow Chow's head. That's one of Pea Chaser's friends, Lick 'n Split.


----------



## Heritagefarm

SS actually is a mad scientist who slaps people through the internet.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Here in Wretched Falls, HeritageFarm will always be the cream in our coffee..

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21yzXbPGhWc[/ame]


----------



## Guest

SS calls me at 3:00 in the morning, daily. In her best little girl voice, she asks "Do you have a kitty cat" When I say no, then she asks "Do you want to buy a kitty cat?" Then she laughs like a banshee and hangs up the phone. Oh, and one time she called me Zongalicious.


----------



## How Do I

Zong's real last name is Licious. His close friends know him as Bubba...


----------



## pattycake

A little known fact about How Do I is that he was the original "Kentucky Wildcat". He was so wild that he was serving time in the penitentiary but was offered a pardon by the governor if he would sign over his trademark name to the Univ of Ky. The rest is history.


----------



## beccachow

Pattycake rubs herself in peppermint and chocolate and asks everyone if they would like a Peppermint Patty Cake. Since she is also a resident of Wretched Falls, the fact that she is wearing a string bikini while doing this is...well...a bit...er...unsettling. Her Depends is hanging out all around the bikini, her support hose are down around her kneecaps...I really cannot go on, I am still bleaching my eyeballs daily from the sight of her running and saying, "You know what happens when I bite into a York Peppermint Patty..."


----------



## Heritagefarm

Beccachow, despite the above post, is actually a photographer and falls head over heels for crazy imagery like this:
http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/


----------



## Joshie

Becca Chow Chow is lobbying for passage of a new statute requiring all people, male and female, over the age of 2 1/2 to wear thong undies.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Us old people would have to be exempted from that law Joshie. For us the closest we get to a thong is when someone is lifting us by grabbing the back end of our Depends and giving us a wedgie.


----------



## pattycake

Breaking news on CBS this evening! The Wretched Falls Retirement Home has been closed and condemned by the State Board of Health. Also, State Board of Examiners have seized all records and State Police are beginning their investigation of elderly abuse. SoulSurvivor was apprehended as she tried to exit the property. On her was found a four inch stack of uncashed Social Security checks. They said to stay tuned for more on the 11:00 news but I just can't stay awake that long. So I am just going with the info I have and will run with it.


----------



## soulsurvivor

It's ok pattycake. I'll take the fifth and hand you the empty bottle.


----------



## pattycake

Recap of last nights news has added that Soulsurvivor has entered a rehab program but the location will not be disclosed. The investigation has been delayed until all the empty bottles have been thrown into a dumpster. Soul had told all the visitors that came to see folks at Wretched Falls that the building was filled with empty liquor bottles because the clientele were all products of the Great Depression and could not bear to throw anything away. Worked for awhile but the gig is over now. I am keeping the one she gave me last evening as I hope someday it will bring good money on e-bay.


----------



## Joshie

Pattycake is soulsurvivor's pharmacist.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I do appreciate all the deep concern about our current situation at Wretched Falls Retirement Commune. The authorities are still going through our records and daily documents to discern our ability to care for ourselves. As I've stated, I can't say more due to the delicate nature of an ongoing investigation. As for the claims that the media has made and that Pattycake has spoken of, it's not difficult for anyone entering our commune to see the big poster in the front lobby that lists all the rules for Wretched Falls Commune members and guests. The very first rule is No Hard Licker. It don't get much plainer than that.

I'm beginning to understand how Martha Stew Art must have felt. 

Joshie, what is Vie Ag Growl? It's a prescription that Pattycake has been distributing to all our members. I asked her what it was and she said it was your fountain of youth. Is it?


----------



## pattycake

I have no comment on Soul's last post as my lawyer has given me a gag order. I just wanted to say Happy Birthday to Baseless Lies as it was started one year ago today.


----------



## Heritagefarm

SS is actually quite glad that she's being fined 1,000,000 dollars for the Wretched Falls Retirement home. She says it's teaching her a lesson in keeping her finances. All of the inmates have been freed, and have been sent to the Wretched Springs Retirement home. SS plans on taking a loan and buying it.


Pattycake's supposed to send me some patty cakes.... Is there such a thing?


----------



## soulsurvivor

Heritagefarm said:


> Pattycake's supposed to send me some patty cakes.... Is there such a thing?


Honey, are you the bakers' man or not? 

By the bye, Happy Birthday to us each one and all. Clovis? You feel like a proud papa today? And just look at this mess you've gotten all of us into.... I declare it's pitiful we don't share our brains.


----------



## PNP Katahdins

Pattycake is pretty obsessive-compulsive to realize this is Baseless Lies' birthday. OMG, Clovis, it's alive! See what you've created! I hope you share the money for the movie rights with all the co-writers.
:umno:
Peg


----------



## Joshie

PNP has been shopping around for a secret movie deal. Poor Clovis is going to be cut out of the deal because he's been left in the dust.


----------



## soulsurvivor

... and Joshie would know about any movie deal, secret or otherwise, since she keeps actively involved with all things going down in Hollywood. Joshie is currently enjoying a youth flashback provided by some new mystery drug that pattycake is providing for her. We'll assume it's prescribed by a legitimate doctor since I'm in no position to be passing judgement on anyone. 

I will have to say that the elders here at Wretched Falls Retirement Commune really look forward to having Joshie pinky finger test their coffee every morning. Joshie keeps it all very interesting by wearing different costumes to celebrate whatever. Today it's a combination Marilyn Monroe/Paris Hilton thing that's actually kinda cute. She's dressed all in white from her puffy wig to her spike heels. Old Mr. Timmons keeps setting his napkin on fire just to get Joshie's attention and when she is fighting his napkin fire old Mr. Timmons lays on the floor pretending to need mouth to mouth. 

and as always, here in Wretched Falls, if you're bored then it's your own fault.


----------



## beccachow

soulsurvivor is in jail now on a neglect charge. Poor Mr. Timmons...he wasn't pretending.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Beccachow is behind the whole thing. She actually controls SS with a continued force of blackmailing. She plans on taking over the world via retirement centers.


----------



## stickinthemud

Heritagefarm is an alien from the Andromeda Galaxy, trying to make contact with the mothership via an array of inter-dimensional portals disguised as cream separators.


----------



## beccachow

...and I am not one to talk, heavens NO, but stickinthemud has been the most "examined" human being by an alien EVER. Heritagefarm has to repeatedly tell her to get OFF the ship, while she wanders around looking at all the "pretty lights."


----------



## Joshie

Becca Chow Chow is the commander of the Mother Ship. Soulsurvivor's evil plan is to sell those poor, wretched old people from the Wretched Falls Commune. 

Mr. Timmons was the first old guy to go onto the ship. He is really excited because there are hot young girls running around. He's enjoying the show. They're feeding him absolutely delicious treats.

Mr. Timmons is being fattened up to be a tasty treat for Becca Chow Chow.


----------



## soulsurvivor

My goodness, I am so glad I haven't been taking that mystery drug that pattycake is distributing or else I'd be seeing things that aren't there like the rest of the populace around here. But there is one strange event that I can't explain and that happened on HeritageFarm's farm. He went out to his barn to feed the Purple Prose crowd and made an awful discovery. His lead goat, Ms PrettyPal was lying on the ground dead. He immediately called me to come see this unusual goat corpse because he wanted a reliable witness. I have to concur with HeritageFarm that Ms PrettyPal was dead and seemed to have been the victim of a precision anal dissection. It was just awful to think that whoever did this would only take the inedible portion of this fine meat goat. What a waste of food that could feed so many of us. As it happened, HeritageFarm called the UFO network and they sent out a crew to film the dead goat body and take statements from both me and HeritageFarm. 

NOTE: Be certain to click on the cow.
http://www.cowabduction.com


----------



## Guest

When nobody was looking, SS used her antenna to levitate the goat onto the invisible shuttle to the mothership. When the UFO network got there, all that was left was pieces of a weather balloon. SS has been on the same duty, replacing alien dissections with bits of aluminum foil for 63 years now. When people notice that she never seems to age, she replaces them with bits of weather balloons too.


----------



## soulsurvivor

:huh: HuH? I see that pattycake's vital youth formula has touched zong's lips and disinfected his brain too. What's the world coming to when you can't speak with your neighbor without being accused with some wild alien accusation? Maybe there is a Planet X close by....


----------



## clovis

The church bus picked up soulsurvivor today from the Wretched Falls commune today, and brought her to church.

She sat in the same pew as I, and I overheard her tell the usher "The bootlegger is coming to the commune today, so I need to write my tithe check for $20 over...I need the cash."


----------



## Guest

Lies!! All lies!!! Clovis put in a piece of newspaper(cut to the size and shape of a check) that he colored light blue with crayons then wrote on top of it with a magic marker, Soulsurvivors name and a contribution for 2 bucks, with 20 dollars change, all the time talking with a fake womans squeaky voice and wearing a cheap purple wig and coolats.


----------



## pattycake

Clovis is the driver of that church bus that picks up the poor old folks at the commune. He hates getting up so early on Sunday mornings and told me himself that he plans to go next Saturday night, late, and slash the tires of the church bus. He has also been known to charge the little kids from the low income housing community by telling them is is in charge of taking up their collection money. That is part of his Dave Ramsey plan on getting debt free. For those of you who are wondering about my pharmaceutical involvement, you need to lay low and be still as others that knew of this are now in a witness protection program. Also, I am not the Bakers Man, I am the woman behind him. I have complete control on anything he rolls up, pats out or marks with "B". He would be nothing without me, Nothing!!!!


----------



## Joshie

Pattycake and the Baker's Man are the people behind the evil plan. They intend to pat, roll, mark her with a B and throw our poor soulsurvivor in the oven.

SS, you must spend an awful lot of time trolling the internet for those cute little pictures.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie is the world's tallest woman.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Poor Becca Chow Chow, everyone looks tall to her right now. She came and spent the day in our lovely indoor olympic size swimming pool here at the Home. I'm not certain how it happened but she left here a good 2 feet shorter than she was when she arrived. It was almost like watching a pickle shrivel up everytime she got out of that pool. The sadness of it made my eyeballs hurt.


----------



## beccachow

Since Soulsurvivor is a midget with 8 toes on each hand, I can understand the desire to direct attention away from herself. Poor thing knits socks to wear on her hands instead of mittens.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Becca chow chow is still running from the crime scene after the Becca Chow incident. They also plan to sue her for abandonment of the Kum Ba Ya thread.


----------



## Joshie

Heritagefarm's evil plan is to make mutant plants and animals by crossing different species. His most recent cross was that cross between a pansy and a chicken. He calls it a panken. It has a purple chicken head with a flowery behind.

Stay away from him. He told me that he's trying to get genetic material from discarded kleenex or gum from shoes and plans to cross that with hay. Watch out, soulsurvivor. He wants to make some Wretched Hay to feed to Becca Chow Chow's horses.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie is a mutant groundhog.


----------



## cjb

Hahaha! I turn my back and...

Beccachow is marketing a new product made from her own flatulance that seems to keep deer out of farmers' corn fields. Problem is, it causes the cornsilk to dry up prematurely.

Also, her Mama wears combat boots to church.

That is all.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Hello to All from all us here at Wretched Falls! Our morning coffees are almost done and we old folks are looking at a really beautiful day for our upcoming excursion to cjb's farm. He's promised to show us his secret crops that grow with the aid of a new fertilizer that he buys from Becca Chow Chow and he claims that corn is twisting itself into new and lovely shapes that resemble the crop circle events. We are all anxious to see that crop formation of his that looks like a bunch of bingo boards. I don't think any of us have ever had the opportunity to play human bingo but cjb promises that he's a good caller and will be giving away some money for a bingo win. Gotta run and will check in later to give you all the details. Have a great day everyone!


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## cjb

SoulS lives on a steady diet of boogers and toenail clippings.


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## Heritagefarm

cjb is living at the Wretched Falls retirement home, working in the kitchen and making a steady supply of gross food from the finest GM ingredients available.


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## soulsurvivor

oh, whooeee, I tell you my old behind is a dragging and I'm plum wore out from all the recent excites we've been through. All us Wretched Falls residents is home and in good shape considering what we've been through since we left our most excellent host, cjb.

When we boarded our bus, being volunteer driven by clovis, none of us saw the extra passenger that was a hitching a ride with us. Clovis had the pedal to the metal and we was zooming along nicely on our senior bus and all of a sudden like clovis hit the brakes and rolled our van into the woods off the side of the road. Come to find out clovis had a boa constrictor wrapped around his neck and was departing our company, so me and Joshie jumped on that snake and started a yanking it to make it let loose of a now blue clovis.

Pattycake had the good sense to call 911 and after Becca Chow Chow and zong got through laughing they instructed us via cellphone on how to extract clovis from the grips of that snake. Following their instructions, pattycake enticed the snake to eat some of her youthful drug, the Vie Ag Growl, and it didn't take long for that snake to start swelling up big as a house and loosening its death grip on poor clovis. Me and Joshie finally got the snake pushed off our bus, but we all had to wait for the authorities to show up and survey the scene to file their reports and offer aid. 

Glad to report that the snake was still smiling when HeritageFarm bagged and tagged it for delivery to the city zoo. And clovis is back to his usual breathing healthy self and we're all just thankful that he could finally enjoy his cherry coke and chocolate moon pie. The authorities are finished questioning pattycake but have held her youthful drug in their possession until an all clear can be issued by the local health board on the release of that. 

Old Mr Timmons did his best to get Joshie to give him mouth to mouth but Joshie gave him over to the care of the EMTs where he quickly recovered. So, after a fun night of roadside entertainment, all of us are now home safe and sound with a head full of memories to season our days ahead. 

and as always, if you're bored here at Wretched Falls, it's your own fault.


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## Joshie

Soulsurvivor is so bored that she created 25 different facebook accounts. I don't understand how she does it but, from what Clovis and Ms. Chow Chow tell me she's got 5 Farm Town farms for each of her 25 personalities. Becky the Chow says that soulsurvivor regularly hacks farmville and gets all the new, unreleased animals. Becky the Chow Puppy is helping her because she gets soulsurvivor has helped Becky Puppy Chow to get those new unreleased animals too. 

I have heard word that Clovis is a farmville secret agent and he's out to get soulsurvivor and Becky the Becca. He's offering some hefty cash awards for anyone who informs on the disastrous duo. I've refuse the bribe 'cause I can't inform on my friends. 

Oh, does anyone want to see pictures of my new home?


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## soulsurvivor

I didn't realize you had moved to a new home Joshie, but yes, I'd be delighted to see pictures of your new home. Did you take all your livestock and poultry with you to your new home? I'll sure miss looking out my back door at all your chicken peckers going after my garden bugs. And poor old Pea Chaser won't know what to do with himself if he can't run with the flock once in awhile. Let me know when you are nice and settled and I'll bring you one of my delicious key lime pies.


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## Joshie

Soulsurvivor, be it ever so humble but the picture under my last post is our new home. Comes with 1000 acres and all the caretakers we need. I promise that we bought it with old family money and not from that cash Clovis is handing out to informers.

I'd love a key lime pie. Promise you won't put any more of those strange ingredients I saw you add to that Monkey Bread you gave to Becca Chow Chow last week? I scraped off the label you have on your box of cinnamon and saw this funny looking skull with some bones in the shape of an X across it. I've just never seen that kind of label on a cinnamon container. I'm thinking that the real reason Becky's not been feeling well might have somethin' to do with those tasty treats you been a givin' her.


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## Heritagefarm

Josjie works for a lab, creating viscous food concoctions for the Army to poison other countries food supply. Oddly, she's pitted against the small island country of Notutopia, even though the island is abandoned.


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## soulsurvivor

Why Joshie! I got that cinnamon can from you! I did think it smelled a bit strange too but I always trust your taster and smeller for top performance in gauging possible hidden poisons. You should have warned me sooner. That may be why Becca Chow Chow is shriveling up. Well at least my delicious key lime pie doesn't need cinnamon. I'll be bringing that right on over as soon as I can find Pea Chaser. He's taken himself to running with the black bear population that's guarding the weed crop over on the next farm. 

HeritageFarm, I thank you for the forewarning of Joshie's hobby. It must pay her well to afford such a lovely new home and massive amount of acreage. I'm thinking I'll have to go rent me one of them spiffy golf carts to ride over there in high style and deliver that pie to her. Oh my this will be fun! I'll wear my Wera Yang gauze tea dress with its flowing look of a victorian garden and my extremely wide sun hat with the corsage of silk forget-me-nots.

HeritageFarm, are you certain Notutopia is abandoned? The reason I ask is because I received a mail-in offer for a free airplane ride there. I always try to take advantage of free travel offers, so I mailed it in but haven't heard anything yet.


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## Joshie

Because of all the uproar about all those strange goin' ons over there at the home of the Wretched, SS has decided to move her poor little band of old people to Heritagefarm's Notutopia. Heritagefarm met SS at the airport in his tin foil hat. Once there, soulsurvivor discovers that the island is actually named Nut-o-Butter land. It's the birthplace of Heritagefarm.


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## pattycake

I heard that soulsurvivor was stopped at the airport and many, many packages of purple Kool-aid was confiscated. Somebody needs to watch this gal!!


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## soulsurvivor

oh lawsey, me and Pea Chaser have just returned home from our golfcart excursion to visit Joshie at her new estate, The Whitest House. It is so magnificent words cannot begin to do it justice. Imagine if you will an indoor palace of grandeur that sucks the breath right out of you. Really, it sucks the breath right out of you if you have to walk the length and breadth of it. I kept wishing I had worn my trusty Crocs instead of my 3 inch rattan cloth wedges with the cotton tie laces.

And I don't know what I'm going to do with Pea Chaser as he kept separating our company and not staying close by me to assist with my balance issues. Pea Chaser is learning some not pleasant traits from that lazy bear population he's hanging around over at pattycake's weed fields.

I'm so happy for Joshie as she's finally found her paradise here on earth. She's even got a tulip bed to tiptoe through, and beside that she has the outdoor garden where she grows marvelous yet to be named plants and weeds that pattycake planted for her.

Joshie is so wealthy now she claims she has to be more careful when doing outdoor excursions because the papa ratzi is following her. I didn't see no sign of a papa ratzi when I was visiting but I'll take her word for it.


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## Joshie

Soulsurvivor is married to Papa Rat. She changed his name to papa ratzi. Papa Rat is trying to find the secret to the success of my garden. They kept throwing SS's "special" cinnamon on my garden. I had to build a fence 25' high. They scaled the walls so I got the meanest guard dogs on this earth. The latest thing they tried was to hire a crop duster to spread the cinnamon. Thankfully for me the wind blew that poison away from my place. Unfortunately, it blew it toward those poor residents at Wretched Falls.


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## beccachow

Joshie, we are all laughing at you. Those are not dogs. They are huge rats. Enjoy.


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## soulsurvivor

Becca Chow Chow has a Noah complex and has two of everything. It doesn't matter what the topic of discussion is, she has two of whatever it is. She can even be tricked into saying that she has two left feet. It's difficult not to laugh.


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## beccachow

Soulsurvivor and Soulsurvivor do not know what they are talking about.

By the way, Joshie, I am not stupid. I see that you are using a photo of my stable and calling it your house. That is pretty pathetic, really.


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## Joshie

Becca Becca Chow Chow has a delusional Noah complex. She confuses all sorts of animals. You should see her when she puts saddles on those two chows and rides them. She thinks she's being sneaky but my security staff watches her when she sneaks onto my estate.


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## soulsurvivor

You know? Come to think of it I saw Becca Chow Chow whiz by my front porch late this afternoon. I thought she was wearing some very realistic chow chow house slippers.... hmm, and that would explain the screaming she was doing when those house slippers took off in different directions. . . uh ouch!


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## beccachow

Joshie, your security team watches me 'cause I am a HOTTIE.

Soulsurvivor and soulsurvivor, I didn't appreciate the two of you standing one on each side of me and waving bacon at the dogs. You are truly sick.


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## soulsurvivor

Becca Chow Chow, dare I suggest you are seeing double again? There's no way me and me would carry 2 pounds of our treasured Wrights bacon outside for the dogs, no matter what the temptation. Why we haven't even hit the high of mater season yet and that bacon has to last til the killing frost. You hotties sometimes forget that us coldies are more focused on our food supply than our looks. 

By the by, Joshie's security team is all volunteers from our young seniors group. They do love to watch you and you and talk about how much they look forward to seeing you come visit Joshie. They might still be laughing about you falling in that wheelbarrow. When they asked you if you needed help you told them you were looking for a frog to kiss. So, just curious, but me and me wants to know why you're looking for a frog to kiss. Care to share? Huh?


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## Joshie

Soulsurvivor and her twin have never been kissed. They got these frog costumes and stood along the road waiting for a prince to pass by. Unfortunately, Becca Chow Chow, AKA The Hottie, walked by. Well, I can sure tell ya that what I saw was not a purty sight.


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## soulsurvivor

Joshie, honey, we all know of your observation problems due to those glasses you choose to wear. I don't know how you can see anything out of those things. A good cleaning might help but that's a thick haze of hairspray to clean off before you'll have a clear sighting of me and me and Chow Chow and Chow Chow. Even the UFO group has asked that you not participate anymore because your eyesight is so unreliable.


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## beccachow

Sadly, in the incident quoted by Joshie, soulsurvivor wasn't wearing a costume. That is what she truly looks like. It is rather unfortunate; we try not to stare.


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## pattycake

Everyone should disalow anything Beccachow has to say. She is the reason that Homesteading Today created the time out room. She is sitting there now. One more lie and she will have a 3 day out of Homesteading suspension. 
This will go on her permanent record!!


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## beccachow

Pattycake, PU-LEASE. You think I haven't seen through your Code Name...CapeKatty? You are THE Caped Katty, the super hero. Too bad you can't fly, and a lot of us at Wretched Falls wish you would stop trying. It is disturbing to be eating our creamed corn and pureed hamburgers and see you sky diving, screaming, past our windows. Look, Katty, there IS no mouse taking over the world. We just told you that cause you looked the cutest in the costume. Please stop now, it is embarrasing.


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## Joshie

Oh, Chow Chow, I see you escaped from the facility again. Poor, poor thing. Everyone watch out for her. Here's the facility's most recent picture of The Chow Chow Hottie.


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## soulsurvivor

Ohhh, big gulp here! Becca Chow Chow that looks like one mighty on fire sunburn you have. Hon, you just gotta take to wearing more covering. These global climatics are effecting everyone these days, but you with your delicate skin has to pay strict attention to those sun rays. I never leave the house without wearing one of my wide brim sun hats and I always carry an umbrella for the extra strength sun rays.

I know that pattycake mixes a mean sunburn polstice and it will ease some of your suffering. Actually I use pattycake's polstice all the time because it always makes me giggly, happy and hungry. Anyone up for some late night brownies and coffee milks?


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## Joshie

Pattycake keeps walking all over soulsurvivor.


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## soulsurvivor

Oh so funny and thanks for sharing Joshie. I do sometimes feel as though I'm being trod upon with all these financial concerns and responsibilities for the Home. I feel the need to share a story with you now. I have two nephews who are the light in their old aunt's eyes even if they are on the hillbilly/******* side of kinship. They were riding along the other night in their junky old pickup truck on the backroads of their homeplace. They saw blue lights flashing behind them. As they pulled over they quickly gulped down the last of their beer, pulled off the label, stuck that on their forehead, and threw the empty beer bottles under their seat. When the sheriff came up to their window, he asked them why they were wearing beer labels on their foreheads. They told him they were on the patch program. He let them off with a warning and they had to promise to walk the rest of the way up the drive to their home and leave the truck sitting. I feel so fortunate that they're not my only close relatives and that I don't need any help finding a place to live out my old age. I'm in the very best place for the care and caring of our elders.

So Joshie, are you ready for a fresh pie? Maybe I could entice you to try my newest pie creation called Turtle Fluff. It's all things chocolate and gooey with lots of caramel and pecans. The fluff stuff is on the inside and it's marshmallow creme colored green like a turtle but is minty in taste and smell.


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## beccachow

SS, I am shocked at you. I KNOW you use real turtles in those pies. Shame shame. Guys, please...try not to laugh at the sight of SS on her Scooter/HoverRound, driving 1 mile an hour with a hammer, chasing the turtles. And really...you do NOT want to know wat the "fluff" inside is.


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## Guest

Beccachow sings this song in the grocery store. She's been ask to never come back, nowhere. No time. Under no conditions.
Lotty
Dotty
We love to potty
We just want to have fun
Don't want to hurt anybotty.


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## pattycake

Zong has once again been over seas working on a Nigerian scam and had no way of knowing that Becca is half crazy and singing that ditty because she has lost her mind over the lies that Soulsurvivor has told. I need to see Becca and reassure her that Survivor is off the wagon again. Survivor says that everything smells and tastes minty and that is because she has been drinking Scope, Listerine, Crest and even the store brand of mouthwash. Poor thing, I doubt she can ever be helped!


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## Joshie

Poor pattycake. She escaped from the dementia unit of The Wretched Place. Soulsurvivor and her staff let pattycake offer "therapy" to the other residents like Becca Chow Chow. 

SS we all know that you add your "special" cinnamon to all your food. I'll by my chocolate, caramel, and pecan turtles from the store, thank you very much!


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## beccachow

Zong? You escaped from Joshe's basement? Thank goodness, I was worried about you. It just wasn't right, Joshie and Pattycake locking you up and forcing you to wear ridiculous women's fashions made from food.


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## soulsurvivor

Zong in his Sugar Cookie outfit. Looks sweet enough to eat don't he? And I'll have you know that I don't imbibe the spirits of drink. I keep a spot of Christmas Candy moonshine for the emergency medicinal purposes, but I'd never use it to find a good time.


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## beccachow

(OK, time out, I just spit coffee on my monitor lol)!


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## PNP Katahdins

Joshie's drawing of Becca Chow Chow is obviously a fake. There's a reason Becky has that name: think big hair. Think full body big hair.

And if anyone is wondering about MY screen name, Paul and I are Siamese twins.

Peg


----------



## Joshie

Here's a picture of Peg.










Here's a picture of poor, poor Paul.


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## pattycake

Joshie is such a liar that he is trying to scare us away with those bizarre animated characterizations!


----------



## Guest

Pattycake is an exotic dancer using the name "Poutycake" She dances and pouts about it.


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## soulsurvivor

Zong? Honey, are you in there? Remember that letter you had me read out loud to you from the major tv network? They want you to film a tv pilot about people keeping exotic pets in their homes. You did some film about the gators in my outdoor pool, but then you were supposed to go to Becca Chow Chow's place and film that large horsefly she's claiming is a minature horse. 

I certainly didn't know that pattycake had a good reason for all those botox injections, but this has brought some daylight for me on that topic. I still don't think she's going to qualify as an exotic for this filming. Course you do what you want as you're the talent on all this movie producing stuff. 

I almost forgot to mention that Joshie has some wild things hiding in her basement that could be considered exotic spiders. HeritageFarm has purple prose sheep too that could be a good storyline for you. Maybe the best is clovis with his wild guinea that drives a minature NASCAR all over the place. Then there's everyone else that lives around here to go film. Homesteaders always keep a good supply of exotics.


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## Guest

Ahhh, soulsurvivor, you promised that you'd never talk about my "thing" about being read out loud to. I guess that next, you'll be revealing that the reason you read out loud to me is because I cannot read at all. Well, before you go to the next step, think about this: Do you want me to reveal that you pay me to do my reading while dressed in a porkypine suit, with a banana head, snorting cough syrup?? If you don't want that to be public knowledge, cease and desist here and now.


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## beccachow

Zong, you are in luck. I was hiding in the bushes outside your window...ummmm...collecting soil samples, yeah, that's what I was doing...just happened to ave a camera and caught this disturbing image of SS climbing through your window in her suit:









Disturbing. You people are just sick.


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## PNP Katahdins

beccachow said:


> Disturbing. You people are just sick.


Becky, I didn't know I wasn't supposed to talk about your hair problem. 

Sincerely, 
Peg


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## soulsurvivor

zong said:


> Ahhh, soulsurvivor, you promised that you'd never talk about my "thing" about being read out loud to. I guess that next, you'll be revealing that the reason you read out loud to me is because I cannot read at all. Well, before you go to the next step, think about this: Do you want me to reveal that you pay me to do my reading while dressed in a porkypine suit, with a banana head, snorting cough syrup?? If you don't want that to be public knowledge, cease and desist here and now.


oh my, I seem to have ruffled your little feathers zong. I so apologize for telling about reading to you, but I NEVER suspected it was because you couldn't read!!!!! I sincerely thought you liked hearing my high pitched sing-song voice relate the written word to you. And hon, I don't know nothing bout no porkypine suit but you might want to check with Becca Chow Chow cause it looks as though she's got one of them outfits handy for taking pictures. Anyways, I'll be seeing you in the movies zong. Keep up the good work.


----------



## soulsurvivor

PNP Katahdins said:


> Becky, I didn't know I wasn't supposed to talk about your hair problem.
> 
> Sincerely,
> Peg


You and me both Peg. By the by Peg, who is Paul? Is he your twin or your husband? I don't recall ever meeting him.


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## beccachow

Peg, Peg Peg. I have to thank you for the spray on Hair in a Can. I also have to thank you for shaving your back and mailing me the clippings to glue onto my head.  I am sorry about your unfortunate third arm. You and SS can do a Freak Show, she in her Porcupine Suit and you juggling with three hands; it should bring in a lot of money to Wretched Falls.

SS, stop spying on Peg. If she chooses to dress as "Paul" and have "manly moments," such as not changing toilet paper rolls and not asking for directions on the way to Wretched Falls, let her keep the remote, scratch herself rudely, and belch in peace.


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## PNP Katahdins

soulsurvivor said:


> You and me both Peg. By the by Peg, who is Paul? Is he your twin or your husband? I don't recall ever meeting him.


So far Paul stays on the Red Tractor Forum and Sheep Production Board at other sites. I have not been able to trick him into visiting Wretched Falls. That may be a good thing. ShortSheep and PrairieOaks have met both of us in real life, so he does exists.

Becca Chow Chow only wishes she could handle a smart dog like a Border collie. Then she'd change her name to Becca Collie Collie.

Peg


----------



## Guest

PnP and Becca's catering business failed miserably when their entire menu consisted of "Fried Thingies" and "Baked Stuffamajiggers "


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## Joshie

Zong stole pattycake's glasses. Pattycake is blind as a bat and cannot tell a male from a female. I heard her calling soulsurvivor "that old man with the flat top haircut who refuses to wear a shirt under overalls."

Zong, give those glasses back!


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## soulsurvivor

Joshie are you still using those old reading glasses with the rhinestones around the edge? Maybe you could loan those to Pattycake until she finds her glasses. Blind leading the blind is always a positive step forward. 

As for the old man with the nice haircut that isn't wearing a shirt under his overalls, that must be my new porch friend that Pattycake is describing. He and I share the porch swing late every afternoon and talk about the world going by. He also doesn't wear socks and slips his tanned feet into a well worn pair of Bass Weejuns. I would invite you to stop by and chat with us Joshie, but I don't have extra chairs or room on the swing to accomodate you. I get all swooning when he's around for some reason and he might have that effect on you too. I guess you could hold on to the porch railing if you happened to feel the faints comin on.


----------



## pattycake

I just received the nicest pm from SoulSurvivor! She apologized for all the lies that she has told about me! She also said she would be contacting all the others that she told baseless lies about!


----------



## clovis

pattycake likes to post on the coupon threads here at CSF, but in reality, she does most of her grocery shopping in convenience stores in tourist traps.


----------



## Guest

Clovis likes his chipmunks deep fried in possum fat.


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## clovis

zong said:


> Clovis likes his chipmunks deep fried in possum fat.


Actually, they are better made with a deep brown roux and sauteed vegetables.

Zong actually double mortgaged his family's home and used the money to start up a fried chipmunk restaurant called Chip-fil-A.

It was pretty good eating, but for some reason, it really never caught on with the masses.


----------



## pattycake

Clovis told me that there was a $2.00 coupon off any chipmunk meat in the Sunday paper. I found the coupon but cannot find a store that carries it!


----------



## clovis

Like I said earlier in this thread, pattycake talks a big line about being a coupon queen...and there she goes again, talking about cutting coupons again.

Too bad that she believes coupons are beneath her.

Think of the money she could have saved over the years!


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## Joshie

Clovis collects coupons to wallpaper his house. He never uses them for any other purpose. His latest idea is to market coupon wallpaper to the rich and famous. They've never seen coupons before so they think Clovis is makin' somethin' special.


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## soulsurvivor

I just love clovis's coupon wallpaper look. It's kinda reminiscent of the early outhouse days and for certain has that country feeling.

Last I visited I noticed a coupon on his papered wall that hadn't yet expired, so I very carefully removed it from his wall and oops, I think I may have forgotten to tell him. But I'm sure he won't mind when he sees what benefit was received by using that coupon. 

It was a coupon good for free merengue dance lessons. The problem was that I was nursing my fragile ankles at the time and couldn't take the dance lessons myself, so I took Pea Chaser and here's what he learned:

http://www.wimp.com/merenguedog

Enjoy and Olay!! :happy:


----------



## clovis

soulsurvivor said:


> Last I visited I noticed a coupon on his papered wall that hadn't yet expired, so I very carefully removed it from his wall and oops, I think I may have forgotten to tell him.


So you are not just a liar, but a thief too?

I wondered who stole my one and only dance lesson coupon. If you would have read the fine print on the coupon, you would have seen that it is good for belly dancing lessons...of which I was going to use!


----------



## soulsurvivor

clovis said:


> So you are not just a liar, but a thief too?
> 
> I wondered who stole my one and only dance lesson coupon. If you would have read the fine print on the coupon, you would have seen that it is good for belly dancing lessons...of which I was going to use!


I really hope you can see the merengue video. You'll forget all thoughts about bellies. If you still want those free belly dancing lessons you're welcome to stop by my house when my yoga master, Lean Glenn, stops by. In his younger days he was a belly dancing master capable of making a bowl of jello congeal by setting the bowl on his stomach. No refrigeration required.


----------



## Joshie

Everyone ought to watch soulsurvivor's video. Soulsurvivor is the one in the red shirt. Clovis is the one in the yellow fur suit.

Now, I happened to overhear the two of them talkin' the other day. Clovis was complainin' 'bout the heat and asked SS to help him shave his hair back. SS declined his delightful invitation 'cause she was skeerd 'bout what she'd find under dat fur.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I always maintain a high level of consideration where Joshie's witness identification skills is concerned. Her reader glasses are way past their due date. But to give credit where credit is due that video shows the cutest dancing dog I've ever seen. Pea Chaser is fully jealous and trying to learn too.

Well the morning coffees is in full swing here at Wretched Falls and Joshie has just finished making her pinky finger swipes for the temp testing. We're having a special treat this morning. Zong is stopping by to give a demonstration on the different styles of Tuvan Throat Singing that he learned from Alexander Glenfield. Here's a sample video of what we can expect:
http://www.wimp.com/throatsinging

We're providing individual packs of kleenex to audience members who want to try this and we also have Becca Chow Chow and her fellow EMTs on standby in case someone swallows their tongue.


----------



## Heritagefarm

SS owns wimp.com. She goes around placing video cameras in people's houses.


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## Joshie

Heritagefarm is the guy in the blue shirt in soulsurvivor's video. He's just jealous about SS's great wealth from the wimp.com business venture. That's how she funds Wretched Falls. 

We all need to humor Heritagefarm as he lives in the "bad" wing of W. Falls.










We all know that soulsurvivor has her own vision problems.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I can't help it. I love that website. Most all the videos have something positive to share courtesy of humans around the globe. I love being able to share in that even if I'm just viewing. 

Oggie, your cat's looking for you.
http://www.wimp.com/sneakycat/
Otter, your family is locked out of the house and looking for you:
http://www.wimp.com/excitedotters/


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie, wherever did you find that awful photo of me? I haven't worn my hair in dog ears since I was in my 20s..... and goodness, that would be a 40 yr old picture. I'll look through my old photo albums and see if I can find a picture of you to share. It's late, but I'll try to remember and do it sometime this long holiday weekend.


----------



## pattycake

I just returned home from a wonderful, old fashioned picnic in the park with my children and grandchildren. We had a great time together . I am so distressed that SS told her family that the Labor Day picnic was off because she read Oggie's thread on easy deliveries. She was convinced that no one can celebrate Labor Day any longer. I just feel so sorry for her little grandchildren. If SS reads it then she believes it.


----------



## oldmanriver

Pattycake worked her way thur school as a roller derby star she was then know as flatten pattycake


----------



## pattycake

Oldmanriver has been selling bogus tickets for a ride down the Greene River and he doesn't even own a boat. Anything goes on the internet these days so he cashed in big time.


----------



## clovis

Ya'll be so proud of pattycake.

She won a hot dog eating contest today. 

47 hot dogs in just 20 minutes.


----------



## oldmanriver

Clovis never did roundin off of number 19.4would round down to 19 sec not 20 gees


----------



## Joshie

Oldmanriver skinny dips in any body of water he comes across. Let me tell you, it's scary enough to see him in the river but it's a whole 'nother thing to see him dancin' thru a puddle lookin' like that. <shudder>

We all know that SS enjoys lookin' at that sort of stuff.


----------



## oldmanriver

Joshie tryed to take the test at http://www.alphadictionary.com/articles/yankeetest.html 
to see if see was from the South but they flag here test sheet and it has been sent to the CIA fo some reason


----------



## pattycake

I have been in contact with cousins of old man river who have told me that Old man should not be believed on anything he says. These reliable sources come from Cry me a River, Moon River, River Road, and many others who claim kinship with him.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Patty cake might have a clovis post about her, since he appears to be wiritng right now. Pattycake is a martian from outer space, with a bunch of cream separators and alienish goats. Her diet consists mainly of fried computer hardware.


----------



## oldmanriver

Pattycake joined EHarmony.com but they refuned her money . Ancestry.com told her they were sorry but they could find no fork in her tree .


----------



## Joshie

Oldmanriver is a young, blonde, perky, cheerleader who favors really short skirts and tight sweaters. Let me tell you, those hairy legs and the facial hair don't do a thing for his look.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie, I'm still lookin through my old photo albums trying to find a photo of you to post and still have not located that. But I did come across this photo of pattycake and oldmanriver hanging out at the Green River Lake last summer. I know the heads are cut off. I mess up every picture I try to take that way. 










oh, and Joshie, I think oldmanriver has pretty legs. Maybe you were looking at someone else that had hairy legs.


----------



## pattycake

I just have to do this! SS is not the liar that I made her out to be. That is me for sure jumping off the pier. I recognized myself by that swim suit, I sure do look good at 62 yrs old, don't I???


----------



## beccachow

Pattycake, you ARE talking about the blue swimsuit, right? No wonder everyone at Wretched Falls was screaming at you to put your top on. I was embarrassed for you.


----------



## pattycake

beccachow said:


> Pattycake, you ARE talking about the blue swimsuit, right? No wonder everyone at Wretched Falls was screaming at you to put your top on. I was embarrassed for you.


Oh, hush up Becca. Stop being the liar that you are and tell everyone that I am the one jumping off the pier!! As always, Becca is a liar to the end1


----------



## oldmanriver

well i was jumpin but not sure with who cause i ate some pudding at Becca's house and have been blind for a while .


----------



## Heritagefarm

I am currently distributing large amounts of Becca Chow Chow's puddin' to large amounts of blind people. My goal is... Um... My goal is... Well, that being said, it also cause senility and loss of memor.... Um, my goal is to...


----------



## soulsurvivor

Here you go HeritageFarm. I tracked down all your loose marbles for you so you should be good to go now. Thankfully you didn't have that many to lose.









Joshie, I haven't forgotten my promise to post a picture of you. I just can't seem to lay my hands on any photos of you in my albums. I'll keep looking though.


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor is running for governor in Kentucky.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie heard wrong again, she ate too much pudding and it cost her hearing.

SS is RUNNING in the Kentucky Derby.

Geesh. I wonder about you, Joshie.


----------



## Our Little Farm

beccachow is currently on her way to Kentucky, where she will attempt to make the first house made entirely of chocolate pudding with marbles for decoration. Joshie is helping her achieve her dream....

Some may think them insane, but we don't do we? :hysterical:


----------



## pattycake

I heard that Our Little Farm is just an alias for one of the biggest corporations ever: Green Giant!! Yes, as in the Jolly Green Giant! She is snooping for them as they try to shut down all small gardens! They want all vegetable purchases to come thru them!! Be careful when you post about how many quarts of green beans you put up or how many pints of corn you froze!


----------



## Joshie

I'd hate to tell you what pattycake puts in her brownies. I would suggest that you *DO NOT* eat any food she's made.


----------



## pattycake

I wish to refudiate this (as in Sarah Palin's word) and say this is a baseless lie. I am famous for my brownies and take them everywhere I go.. Joshie has eaten my brownies on many occasions and declared them the best! Joshie is willing to throw me under the bus just so she can have the last word on baseless lies!!


----------



## Nellie

Pattycake pierced her bellybutton.


----------



## Joshie

Nellie's signature line used to read "Nellie, Homeschool mama to 10" until pattycake failed the 3rd grade. Nellie tried 5438 times to teach pattycake that proper names start with capitals. Nellie finally threw in the towel because pattycake was just bringing down her homeschool standardized testing results. 

Nellie sent pattycake to The Wretched Falls School of Hard Knocks. None of us can blame soulsurvivor for the recent fall in standardized test results..... or can we? Seems to me that soulsurvivor has a similar problem with capitals. It appears that becca chow chowwww also attends the same school. Tsk, tsk.

P.S. Clovis, I'm sorry. I misunderstood the purpose of this thread. I thought we were only supposed to tell the honest to goodness truth, especially about pattycake's brownies. :nana:


----------



## Guest

When Joshie first signed up on HT, she constantly misread everything. Why? I'm glad you asked. Because when she saw a spot for signature line, thinking quickly, she realized that she needed to sign her signature with an indelible ink magic marker so it wouldn't wash off her monitor. As a result, she had a big spot right in the middle of her screen where she can only see "Joshie", handwritten in magic marker.You'd think a Joshie would use a sharpie...


----------



## soulsurvivor

I depend on you zong as my inside source for information on all things glam and hollywood. So tell me, did the photo ops folks really give you all those steaks they used to make Lady Gaga's bikini? What are you going to do with those?


----------



## Guest

You ought to know, but, I guess you want the world to know too. I put them on Ebay, and yes, you're still the high bidder. I seriously doubt if anybody is going to beat your bid of "everything I own and everything I ever will own, plus I'll live in the chicken coop and do all your garden work forever, just please, please, let me have the Gaga steaks." Honestly, SS, you probably could have gotten them for $1.99 plus shipping. Whatever...


----------



## soulsurvivor

:rock: That sounds great zong! Please make certain to pack those on dry ice. Any further exposure to the elements could cause serious damage. 

How did you do with your ebay auction of your Sugar Cookie outfit and who bought that from you?


----------



## Guest

I promised not to tell, but you're getting a big surprise for Christmas. Be sure to act surprised!! And remember, if anybody asks, I didn't actually tell you...(wink, wink)


----------



## soulsurvivor

zong said:


> I promised not to tell, but you're getting a big surprise for Christmas. Be sure to act surprised!! And remember, if anybody asks, I didn't actually tell you...(wink, wink)


:indif:

:hrm:

:shocked:

:hysterical:

ound:

:smiley-laughing013:

:gossip: shhh, you didn't hear this from me, but zong is going to come as Sugar Cookie for our Halloween party this year....


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor is a "reporter" for TMZ.

Now, who the heck is Lady Gaga and what does she have to do with steaks and sugar cookies?


----------



## pattycake

zong said:


> You ought to know, but, I guess you want the world to know too. I put them on Ebay, and yes, you're still the high bidder. I seriously doubt if anybody is going to beat your bid of "everything I own and everything I ever will own, plus I'll live in the chicken coop and do all your garden work forever, just please, please, let me have the Gaga steaks." Honestly, SS, you probably could have gotten them for $1.99 plus shipping. Whatever...


Time out! This is the funniest!!!


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie said:


> Soulsurvivor is a "reporter" for TMZ.
> 
> Now, who the heck is Lady Gaga and what does she have to do with steaks and sugar cookies?


Joshie, please take notes to aid your short term memory loss. Don't you remember? Becca Chow Chow Chow told on you and pattycake for dressing up zong in food fashions and I found the picture where you all dressed zong in a Sugar Cookie outfit:
http://www.ifood.tv/files/u14030/choco_1.jpg

Then this week someone at Vogue Magazine in Japan published this cover of Lady Gaga dressed in a meat bikini:
http://image.thehothits.com/300x400/lady_gaga_nude_covered_in_meat_vogue_070910_342x456.jpg

Which I think it can all be a good message, especially for people packing for survival situations. It's kinda of a new way to consider how to wear your food as you're bugging out during an emergency.

Now, if you want to think about your food in the traditional manner of hunt and kill, then maybe this link will satisfy that need:
http://www.youtube.com/tippexperience


----------



## soulsurvivor

soulsurvivor said:


> Here you go HeritageFarm. I tracked down all your loose marbles for you so you should be good to go now. Thankfully you didn't have that many to lose.
> http://www.lameymacdonald.com/wp-content/gallery/rolling-along/marbles-photo.jpg
> 
> Joshie, I haven't forgotten my promise to post a picture of you. I just can't seem to lay my hands on any photos of you in my albums. I'll keep looking though.


My sincere apologies to any who have been offended by the pictures I've posted. It's not my intention to cause any grief. Thank you.
Sandy


----------



## Joshie

soulsurvivor said:


> My sincere apologies to any who have been offended by the pictures I've posted. It's not my intention to cause any grief. Thank you.
> Sandy


Huh? I thought everyone posting on this thread had lost their marbles. Well, everyone but me. :baby04: SS, do you mean that the person with the purple hair and M on her head and the person with that red stuff draped on her (sorry, didn't recognize it as meat) is a real person? OK then... _what_ is Lady Gaga?

Soulsurvivor sucks her big toe 24/7. She sure is flexible. This does cause a problem with walking. SS "walks" from place to place when Becca Chow Chow picks her up and puts her in her wheelbarrow. Becca is sure nice to help soulsurvivor. It'd be better, I think, if she would use a different wheelbarrow. I mean using the same one you scoop animal poop with is just a little gross and not very hygienic considering SS's past time. Now everyone knows why soulsurvivor smells of ode de man'oohre.


----------



## soulsurvivor

well, let's see, Lady Gaga is the current pop performer that tries for the shock factor in her fashions. I think of her as a super charged young Madonna trying to wildly dress her way to the top of the charts. 

If I could suck my big toe 24/7, believe me I would when I have this old gout set in. Becca Chow Chow Chow knows the extreme pain I have with walking during my gout attacks, so she swings by with her big wheelbarrow and gives me a free ride over to the senior center. But that can't be number two stuff in her wheelbarrow; she says it's chocolate that's gone rancid.


----------



## Guest

soulsurvivor said:


> My sincere apologies to any who have been offended by the pictures I've posted. It's not my intention to cause any grief. Thank you.
> Sandy


HuH?? Sandy??? Not Sandy Claws????? Where's my dern pogo stick you promised me that day at Sears in 1956??


----------



## beccachow

Sadly, Zong was actually 53 years old in 1956. That makes him...ummm...er....really old.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Was that you zong? Sorry about that son. The termites were eating on that pogo stick pretty good so I just used it as kindling for my stove. I sometimes get mixed up in all these time travels I'm doing. I need to take lessons from Becca Chow Chow Chow, cause she has "backwards" down to a fine art.


----------



## Our Little Farm

Zong is really Prince Poppycock on America's got talent. Soulsurvivor designs all the outfits and beccachow blows up the balloons and provides some interesting brownies that makes everyone happy.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Becka Chow Chow Chow Chow Chow Chow regularly plots to steal ss's giant mansion, which she originally stole from Lady GagGa. But, I have Lady ZhaZha's mansion. Up for grabs - starting bid $5,000,000!


----------



## beccachow

Umm, time out, that mansion is mine because HF kept writing bouncy checks for my brownies. He was up to $4,999,999 in bounced checks. He takes my brownies and sells them in Shopping Malls in an effort to destroy the Girl Scout Cookie Drive.

And by the way, OLF...you are only half right. ZOng is actually just Prince (or, the Artist Formerly Known As...).


----------



## oldmanriver

The Kentucky State police has issued warrants for the last 10 posters here something about miss treating people from the greenw river area . Also wanted for tainted chow chow that causes causes is this tree of liberty ??


----------



## Joshie

I hired oldmanriver to hunt down those bad guys who tried to invade *my* mansion. Hmmm, I'm the one who posted the pic of my lovely, huge, white mansion.

Unfortunately, oldmanriver passed out because of the odor passed by SS and Chow Chow's old wheelbarrow. 

I promise that's *not* chocolate stinkin' up the place.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie, I hired you to take care of my horses, you take a picture of the stable and claim it is your house. I suspect you are jealous. And sadly, oldmanriver was hired as a groom at Lucky Ducky Stables, my stable for three legged horses with no ears, and he started hanging out by the water trough singing By The Light of the Silvery Moon (and we all know who's moon that really was, don't we, SS?). Oldmanriver really should be called oldman-water-trough. Even worse, oldman-water-trough and Ourlittlefarm started a barbershop quartet, yet they are so snobby they refuse to let two other people sing with them.

It is really confusing.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Would someone please go get Becca Chow Chow Chow out of the rain and weather? She's out here in the front yard digging a deep hole and crying that she can't find oldmanriver. I personally think she's trying to bury her gold without anybody catching on.


----------



## Joshie

That's my gold that Becca Chow Chow is trying to hide in your front yard, SS. Stop helping her!

I'm gonna have ta put ya to work, SS, 'cuz ya helpin' that crook.










See ya in 15 to 30, Becca Chow Chow.










I'm the law 'round these here parts. 










I sure don't wanna haf ta run ya in.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie, I cannot believe you posted that pick of Oldmanriver with a gun in his mini-skirt.

I SWEAR I didn't tell her that part, oldmanriver!


----------



## Heritagefarm

Seriously, Becky. You really need to stop confusing me with oldmanriver. As it is, that picture is very false: I prefer pink.


----------



## Joshie

Heritagefarm, does your wife know about the cross-dressing? Honestly, you really should shave your legs if you're gonna wear skirts like that. <shudder>


----------



## Joshie

SS is so upset by the fact that I'm only making truthful statements that she has refused to post on this thread!

Becca Chow Chow chewed up SS's shoes.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Actually, Joshie blew up SS's house with a bazooka, which she obtained from some stray Russian dude.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I just came in from my morning romp in the back orchard and took time to dust off the dirt from my apron. I've been hauling in apples by the apronfulls and washing them to cook and press into my famous apple cider. The fall season just wouldn't be fall without my favorite drink to tiddle and touch with strong herbals and tinctures to coat what ails me. So I sit down here to rest a spell and check on what all the Wretched Falls commune is up to and .....

And what do I find? All you crazies pointing guns everywhere. Have you all lost your last working brain cell? Get off your hineys and get outside in this glorious weather we're having! Even old Pea Chaser is acting like a puppy again in all this nice cool weather. This is my very favorite time of year and I can't help but tear up over how beautiful this world is right now.


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor is putting rotten apples in my asparagus beds. Her cider is only famous because it won the Worst Apple Cider Contest for the last nine years straight.


----------



## Heritagefarm

And I was unfortunate enough to be the recipient of 500 gallons of it. They only thing I can think of to do with it is to use it in place of heavy-duty lye cleaners. If stench is any factor of explosiveness, I suppose I could blow the nearby neighbors up with it.


----------



## Guest

Speaking of explosiveness, Heritage farms once bragged that his EBS( Exploding Bowel Syndrome) was so severe that he could fill all 12 seats in a jury box.


----------



## clovis

Speaking of juries, Zong is so dumb that he believes that a 'hung jury' means that the judge got mad, and ordered all of the jurors to be hung on the courthouse lawn.

No wonder the guy won't report for jury duty.


----------



## pattycake

Clovis is such a young man to have given his life away just to be able to sit on the courthouse square and tell lies all day. Not to mention that he is a member of the Liars Club. That is his only claim to fame. His Mama tells me that he had such potential being a college grad and all that. Today he was telling folks that SoulSurvivor was a great niece of those "sisters" up on Walton Mountain that made that special recipe. That's how SS got her cider recipe. At least that what he's saying.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Speaking of explosions, lies and juries, pattycake operates the Jury of Lies and regulates the Bureau of Explosions Group for Old Persons. The group routinely blows the jurors houses up, and then lies to Joshie (the Judge) about who did it. Eventually she's going to sue SS for fraudulent use of the justice system, which actually means she's using it correctly. (according to the Constitution, the method she uses is correct, but since the Constitution isn't politically correct, she got sued.)


----------



## pattycake

Whaaat?? Whatever!!!! Heritage is making these alligations to take the public eye away from the fact that he found "Squeeky" (as in trying to kill President Ford) her new home on the east coast. He even told her ex-con boyfriend that it was okay that he move there too. I know we are all farm folk here but we still know that something is up when one of us tries to abet a criminal!


----------



## beccachow

I am so confused. You all need to stop hypnotizing me, my head is spinning.


----------



## clovis

Since her head is spinning, you all can see that beccachow has had a bit too much of the 'special recipe."

I remember my first drink too, Ms. Becky. Most of it will wear off by mornin'.


----------



## Joshie

The character Otis Campbell was modeled after Clovis.


----------



## lonelyfarmgirl

joshie is otis campbell


----------



## pattycake

That confirms what I suspected!! Joshie is related to Jeb Campbell!! Black gold and Texas T!! Family was once millionaires and had their own tv show. When the money was passed down to Joshie it was gone in a flash! Reduced to nothing. How sad.


----------



## Joshie

Pattycake is jealous of my lovely white mansion. I previously posted pictures. Pattycake forced me to eat croutons this evening which gave me reflux and made me stay up until 2:30 in the morning. Meanie head!


----------



## beccachow

I alone know the secret of why Joshie was up at 3:25am. How is that "976-Hot Chick" telephone answering job working out for you?


----------



## jBlaze

976-HotChick is BeccaChows number by the way.


----------



## lonelyfarmgirl

jblaze is the original hotchick. was passed on to beccachow when jblaze was discovered to be not so hot after all.


----------



## Guest

Lonelyfarmgirl wouldn't be so lonely if she didn't insist on doing her Greta Garbo impersonation everywhere she goes. [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvHqUnRzh0s[/ame]


----------



## lonelyfarmgirl

wow! If I looked that good, I would have more men than you!


----------



## oldmanriver

JUst because it's number 50 on the sheet numbers


----------



## oldmanriver

well this


----------



## oldmanriver

grrr stupid cider


----------



## oldmanriver

and chow chow and guns and short skirts


----------



## Joshie

Oldmanriver is a three year old girl learning to use a 'puter for the first time!

Becca Chow Chow Chowie can't correct for time zone differences. I think it was she who poured that nasty stomach acid down my throat! She also kidnapped poor, sweet soulsurvivor. Oldmanriver told me about Becca Chow Chow Chow's evil plan.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Hey Joshie! Stop using that picture of me as your avatar!


----------



## lonelyfarmgirl

he only does it because he is secretly in love with you.


----------



## beccachow

(laughing at Oldmanriver, looks like his space bar was stuck, I had that happen before, very aggravating, lol)

lonelyfarmgirl is actually not so lonely at all. She hoards animals. Exotic animals. STRANGE animals. She currently boasts 4 sloths, 1 emu, 2 baboons, 5 gazelle, a zebra and a pet artichoke she dresses in a tuxedo and calls Phillip. Oh, and a partridge in a pear tree.


----------



## soulsurvivor

There are people you meet that are just so perky and loving and that describes Joshie to a "t". I don't think she's ever met a stranger that didn't become her friend. I've always wished I could be more like her, but I'm stuck in this little Mother Goose body and have a vicious wit to match. I'm mentioned in this old internet classic audio about Four Old Ladies:
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yj-6nJCQYdo&feature=related[/ame]

Becca Chow Chow Chow was the driver who put us in that mess.


----------



## Guest

soulsurvivor said:


> There are people you meet that are just so perky and loving and that describes Joshie to a "t". I don't think she's ever met a stranger that didn't become her friend. I've always wished I could be more like her, but I'm stuck in this little Mother Goose body and have a vicious wit to match. I'm mentioned in this old internet classic audio about Four Old Ladies:
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yj-6nJCQYdo&feature=related
> 
> Becca Chow Chow Chow was the driver who put us in that mess.


I saw that before you edited it, it didn't say "perky" it said "porky"
Heres a poem about your little old lady pals.
Turkeys and bees
Turkeys and bees
chewing on leaves
Little old ladies
sitting in trees.
Eating their cheese.
While Soulsurvivor
Breaks all their knees.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Zong, listen to me son. Take all them little ditties that you write and set them to music. You need to go full throttle forward with your talent for rhyming and chiming. I'd love to see you interrupt Taylor Swift next year at the CMAs during her acceptance speech. Show Kayne how it's done son.


----------



## Joshie

Ya, that's me.... perk. Becky is the porky one. Porky Pig is based upon the life of Becca Chow Chow Chowy Chow Chow. 

Soulsurvivor is Becky's manager/agent.


----------



## beccachow

Oink. I mean, FALSE. Shame on you. Now you done did it.

People, Joshie is a liar. I know, you are shocked. I was too, at first. But it is true.


----------



## oldmanriver

You people scare me hold me hold me never let me go until you told me lalaalaalala
this thread is really coded messages to our special op guys working in Lower Alabama LA 


During the Civil war the South hid their telegraph wires in trees and covered them with grape vines ( I heard it thur the grapevine ) 


Cows allways grase north to south or south to north but never east to west or west to east .


----------



## beccachow

oldmanriver is scaring me. A lot.


----------



## lonelyfarmgirl

maybe he is really the boogie man, or the booger man..


----------



## beccachow

And lonelyfarmgirl would know lots about boogers. She has the biggest collection of boogers in the world. Fact: I read it in the Guiness Book of World Records. Or maybe I thought of it while listening to "Top of the World" on a record while drinking Guiness. Either way, it is true.


----------



## pattycake

Lonely Farm girl is so lonely that she is buying in to everything that Becca Chow and Oldmanriver has to say! Get a hold of yourself girl, these folks are liars and you cannot believe a word that they say!!


----------



## beccachow

The last person that disagreed with Pattycake ended up rolled, and pricked, and marked with a "B"...never to be heard from again. *burp* Excuse me.


----------



## oldmanriver

pattycake knows all about the boys in LA yes she does she is part of their survial trainin she cooks 3 meals a week for them and they have to eat at least half of one . 


Birds fly away from water in the morning and fly toward water in the evenin. 

If I marry in the spring let me hear a birdie sing 
If I marry in the fall let me hear a crow call 
If I marry not at all then let me hear a cow baw 
If I die before I wed let me here my coffin call ( woodpecker peaks on tree )
Must be said at daybreak standing at a cross road facing east on your birthday


----------



## beccachow

oldmanriver is desperately trying to get a room at Wretched Falls.


----------



## Joshie

Becca Chow Chow is the Old Gray Mare. 

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lm9zxTH1ywg[/ame]


----------



## lonelyfarmgirl

the only reason I am buying into what oldmanriver and beccachowchow have to say is because I am juicing OMR up to purchase my booger collection. oldman river is jealous because my collection has bigger boogers than he's ever picked out of his own nose, and he wants to impress becca with his stellar boogers so she will marry him and joshie will officiate in the booger palace of love


----------



## soulsurvivor

You folks sure have stronger stomachs than I do. All this nasty stuff just makes me gaga. Lonelyfarmgirl isn't trustworthy and I hesitate to pass harsh judgement like that, but look what she does to my fresh baked bread:








I caught her wearing my bread loaves on her feet and carrying my protected jar of Al Gore's toe jam in her pocket. I was aghast I tell ya!


----------



## beccachow

Soulsurvivor, I have had your bread. And trust me, this is about all it is good for. Please, leave the baking to Pattycake.


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow said:


> oldmanriver is scaring me. A lot.


well it sure don't look like you're scared of him here:









I can't even seine my minnows outta the creek anymore cause you and oldmanriver are always fooling around on the bank and making enough noise to scare away the bait.


----------



## lonelyfarmgirl

the only reason you wanted the minnows to begin with is because you like them in your shoe bread. no wonder my feet smell!

And the toe jam was for OMR. I thought it would sweeten the deal. After looking at him, if he expects to get ahold of her, he needs all the help he can get.


----------



## oldmanriver

thats right pick on me farmgirl you was the girl in 3rd grade that beat up every boy in school and then got mad when your uncle from Cleveland had to fly in so you could have a prom date .


----------



## Guest

Lonelyfarmgirls interest in the minnows is that she thinks she can make minnow cheese and sell it to those of us who pronounce pimento cheese as minner cheese. I can see her now, at the pork jam festival, hawking minnow cheese sandwiches, but people will pass her booth by to get to my booth, where they can get foot long, egg subs.


----------



## Guest

Yowks, oldmanriver was too fast for me....He was also a little too fast for his niece, farmgirl. He was so fast that he drove on to the prom while she was still getting in the car, and didn't realize until 11:30 that he was dancing by himself, carrying on small talk and all. Well, he had fun anyway...


----------



## clovis

Zong was recently kicked out of McDonald's, once again, for singing "Old McDonald Had A Farm" as loud as he could in the lobby.

It still cracks him up to sing the words:

"Old McDonald had a french fry...with a french fry here and a french fry there..."

I tell you, that Zong is annoying when he sings that song. And...he sings it every time he walks into McDonald's.


----------



## Joshie

Clovis is opening a restaurant that sells only french fried boogers. They come in 3 flavors: green, red, and yellow. The only customers he has had so far are oldmanriver, lonelyfarmgirl, and pattycake. He's trying to convince soulsurvivor to make a flavored dip for his booger fries. Clovis plans to call SS's creation Bigger Bugger Boogers.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie said:


> Bigger Bugger Boogers.


and try saying that 3 times real fast without losing some boogers....

Joshie used to work the window at our local McD here in Wretched Falls. Notice I said "used to". Her naturally perky attitude didn't translate well through the microphone. Even with the microphone's volume turned down, Joshie's natural high-pitched voice resonance was shaving people's eyebrows off their face. Those of us who followed up on this particular customer complaint with Joshie's voice tone were surprised to find that many people had to have eyebrow transplants done to replace facial hair lost when coming in direct contact with Joshie's perky voice. There was also the issue of having your fries served with a side of unidentified eyebrow hair. People didn't like that they had no eyebrows left on their face to raise and yet they had generous helpings of eyebrow hairs to flavor their fries. Our customer complaint inquiry team decided to send Joshie to Wallyworld to become a greeter. We also gave Joshie her own emotion signal :hrm: so others will become wary of getting too close to her powerful voice.


----------



## oldmanriver

v


----------



## Joshie

Oldmanriver was pickin' his nose while he made that last post.


----------



## lonelyfarmgirl

hence the booger collection


----------



## beccachow

oldmanriver said:


> thats right pick on me farmgirl you was the girl in 3rd grade that beat up every boy in school and then got mad when your uncle from Cleveland had to fly in so you could have a prom date .


(((stop the presses, this is too funny, lolol!).

Lonelyfarmgirl is neither lonely, nor a farm, and the jury is out on the "girl" part since her beard is down to her ankles.


----------



## clovis

Becky is so dumb that she buys candy corn every October from the grocery store, and plants it, believing that it will grow ears of candy corn.

This plan has never worked out for her, and after many years of no corn coming up, she still thinks it is either a germination problem or that she has planted the candy corn too deep.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Clovis needs cloves in his garden to help his stuffy nose. He keeps losing it, and he wants oldmanriver to stop using the pruning shears!


----------



## Joshie

Heritagefarm recently separated from his wife, Creamy.


----------



## beccachow

I would like to point out that I have never seen Joshie and Heritagefarm in the same room together. I suspect they are the same person.


----------



## Joshie

Beccachow's real name is Creamy. She smells. Maybe this picture of her explains why Heritagefarm's cream has that strange odor.


----------



## stickinthemud

Joshie lives in a house made entirely of recycled funhouse mirrors. That's probably why she has such a Unique perspective on things.


----------



## beccachow

stickinthemud sold the mirrors to Joshie. What Joshie didn't know is that they are one way mirrors, and SITM stands behind them, watches Joshie and giggles insanely, since Joshie didn't know they are Funhouse mirrors and goes insane dieting...then eating...then trying to stretch...then shoves herself in the dryer to shrink...


----------



## lonelyfarmgirl

beccachow sneaks over to joshies when she is not home to use the mirrors for herself. she stands in front of them and says 'I am a robot, do as I say, I am a washing machine, do as I say.'


----------



## clovis

Lonelyfarmgirl, in the real world, lives in the heart of a thriving metropolis, and is the life of every party. She has so many friends that Facebook finally capped the number of friends she could have because it was bogging down their servers.


----------



## Guest

Clovis is locally known as the "facebook stalker". What he does is use tens of thousands of aliases(aliai??) and befriends the object of his stalkulation repeatedly until facebook caps them. He gains nothing out of it, except occasionally someone will offer him a fried baloney sandwich to leave them alone.


----------



## lonelyfarmgirl

zong is secretly jealous of clovis's fried balony sandwich advantage. as a matter of fact thats the only reason they are friends. zong begs clovis for those sandwiches and consistantly refers facebook friends to clovis for the purpose of obtaining more fried baloney sandwiches. he is, in secret, BALONEY MAN, and needs the baloney sandwiches for his super hero energy that fuels his awesome and unmatchable baloney powers of persuasion.


----------



## Joshie

Lonelyfarmgirl is full of bologna. In fact, she's so full that it's leaking out of her ears. The bologna squirts out of her ears every time she laughs. The military was trying to figure out how to use this bologna pistol as a secret weapon. Problem with that is that Becca Chow Chow got bologna in her hair one too many times and spilled the beans.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie, PLEASE share your recipe for your signature dish, to be served at Wretched Falls next week. The one with bologna, peanut putter, whipped cream and horseradish?


----------



## Joshie

Well, at Becca Chow Chow's request I must give my out the recipe for Bologna Cake. I must confess, though, that I stole this recipe from soulsurvivor.

20 lbs Bologna
5 jars peanut butter (Nutella if you prefer)
2 cups horseradish 
12+/- boxes Goldfish crackers, crushed
1 cup jelly beans
2 lbs bacon, reserve fat
2 1/2 lbs Crisco
1 gallon whipped cream
6 cups sugar

Preheat oven to 350Âº. Grind bologna in meat grinder. Mix in horseradish. Stir in peanut butter. Add enough crackers to hold bologna mix together. Stir in jelly beans. Form bologna mix into small burgers. Fry them in the bacon fat. 

Meanwhile, prepare jelly roll pans by lining them with foil. Press a mixture of 4 boxes of crackers and 1 lb Crisco along the bottom and sides of pan. Add browned bologna burgers evenly in pan.

After burgers are browned place them on top of the cracker mix. Mix 5 more boxes of crackers with 1 1/2 lbs Crisco. Place this on top of the burgers, squishing cracker mix to fill spaces between the burgers. Bake 30-45 minutes, until crackers are browned. Let cool.

To make icing, whip cream, adding sugar slowly, until soft peaks have formed. Stir in reserved bacon. Ice cake and drizzle remaining bacon fat on top if desired.

The residents at Wretched Falls really enjoy this meal. Becca Chow Chow tried to make it once but she added goldfish instead of Goldfish Crackers. The residents kind of freaked out when they saw beady goldfish eyes sticking out of their cake. Two older gentlemen suffered slight heart attacks. The lawsuit is pending.


----------



## oldmanriver

Joshie is really a computer hacking nerd that made all the post on the thread She spends all day making up new names so she can tell her dog she made a friend .


----------



## beccachow

I would respond to the above, but I tried Joshie's recipe and had a stroke. I am typing this with the pencil I stuck in my ear.

Don't believe Old man River, he sjkaslnriqwlknsdl;sojjdfs;sd;as. Rats, dropped the pencil.


----------



## Minelson

beccachow said:


> I would respond to the above, but I tried Joshie's recipe and had a stroke. I am typing this with the pencil I stuck in my ear.
> 
> Don't believe Old man River, he sjkaslnriqwlknsdl;sojjdfs;sd;as. Rats, dropped the pencil.


Get off the computer and get to the doctor young lady...:nono:


----------



## Joshie

Instead of driving her to the ER, Minelson force fed Becca Chow Chow more Bologna Cake. Now she's really whacked out.


----------



## lonelyfarmgirl

pretty soon, she will start morphing into boloney woman. watch out joshie! you are next!


----------



## beccachow

(ok, perhaps my post wasn't in the best taste in light of some recent events in my life). BUT...speaking of bad taste, lonely farmgirl, how is that roasted doggie paw casserole coming?


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie has been practicing her high trebles again and honestly we're all about whacked out listening to her as she practices for the upcoming hog calling contest. She wins every year so I don't know why she has to practice so much or so long.

Joshie loves to come over here and practice her trebles on my front porch especially when my male porch friend stops by. I would ask her to leave and practice somewhere else, but I've noticed that all the stink bugs leave when Joshie starts vocalizing. 

I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth and hope that this here video recorder is capturing those pure vocals that's coming out of Joshie. I'm gonna be rich selling these stink bug out cd's.


----------



## beccachow

Soulsurvivor has imported bed bugs into Wretched Falls because she felt left out of the bug thing.


----------



## soulsurvivor

We only have one import here. I asked him if his name was Bug. He says he doesn't speak english. 

I'm willing to bet that Becca Chow Chow Chow is busting down walls trying to get Joshie to come sing on her porch. I know Becca CCC is just about at her wit's end with all the stink bugs at her lovely home. 

I have one crystal voice recording of Joshie's hog calling and it's working wonderful magic in clearing out all stinkbugs. 

Make me an offer Becca CCC for this recording and I'll see what I can do.


----------



## beccachow

I will sell you Oldmanriver and Lonelyfarmgirl. they do an awesome soft shoe routine that is sure to liven up the people at Wretched Falls who aren't dead yet. Oh, by the way, the feds are onto you...you cannot prop dead people up at the table and think you are fooling anyone.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Are they willing to work for tips only?

No, the Feds have already checked this place over, under and all asunder and no misdeeds are happening here. Those you perceive to be dead are just napping and really perk up when Joshie comes around. 

What else you got? Anything that would sell well on ebay?


----------



## beccachow

Apparently, soulsurvivor "sees dead people." (done in my best whispered eerie voice)


----------



## soulsurvivor

well phooey, now you've set off my eye tick....


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor breeds ticks of all kinds. The ticks give SS a tic. (Prepare for some really bad taste.) Beccachow didn't realize that SS was a tick breeder the first time she visited Wretched Falls.


----------



## lonelyfarmgirl

the doggie paw cassrrole is delicious. the top is crusted with soulsurvivor specialty ticks in sauce. I sell it for 500$ a pound. soul survivor is actually a dog catcher. his eye tick is because a weiner dog bit him in the eye. that dog made great casserole. it is a secret favorite of joshies, my weiner dog casserole.


----------



## clovis

You all see that LFG's location reads: Hoosier transplant to cheese country.

Actually, she got kicked out of Indiana for running a dog processing plant, and the only state that would give her asylum was Wisconsin.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I've noticed that Pea Chaser does tend to disappear whenever lonelyfarmgirl comes around. Clovis is always around here somewhere in the shadows. He likes being called into service so he can be paid with those cherry cokes and chocolate moonpies. 

Oh, and Joshie? I call my tics "ticks" because I do secret healing on myself with "ticks" that are really blood sucking leeches. If I look a little pale around the eyes, then it's a case of "ticks". If I can't control my lower body muscles, then it's a "tic" rather than a "kick"...ok, I can see a small light at the top of this deep hole I've dug for myself.... yea, and how's the weather over there? Mighty nice here and I need to move myself out in it.


----------



## Joshie

Weather is great here but I'm really glad we have chickens to eat all the ticks you dropped off here. Oh, and I will not eat your tick soup no matter how often you beg me to try it. Pea Chaser ran away when you said that your tick soup tasted a lot like Pea soup.

Last time I took you to your special doctor, she said that your tic started after the tick you put in your ear ate some of the stuff between your ears. You really gotta stop that, SS.


----------



## beccachow

The Lyme Disease suffering I have incurred makes me unable to even smile at the tick jokes. Ok, maybe a little. I also have no desire to check anyone for ticks, despite Brad Paisley's cleverly timed song. I recall many fun days with my IV sticking out of my arm listening to that song and hating country music.

OK, now back to the subject at hand, which doctor, Joshie? Or should that read, Joshie is a Witch Doctor?

ETA: I was just kidding about not laughing at tick jokes, lol.


----------



## lonelyfarmgirl

joshie is a witch doctor?!?!?! how dare beccachowchow reveal her secret jealous desires! accusing joshie to cover up her own secret ambition...


----------



## beccachow

I got a special doll with some pins in it just for you, my dear girl. MWAHH HAA HAA!!!


----------



## Joshie

Becca Chow Chow, I did say that the tick joke was in very poor taste. I figured you might poke me in the eye for the jokes. Just didn't think you'd poke me in the eye with a pin. 

SS's problems all started when Becca Chow Chow put push pins in all the meals for the residents at Wretched Falls. It's taken a long time for SS to figure out the problem. All she knew was that everyone at WF has developed a really bad sore throat.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Scratchy throats didn't cover all that. . . Joshie, you were supposed to explain that to me and I distinctly recall you said it was curable with cough syrup. And here I thought them little baby dolls that BCCC had were just the cutest little things. She told me they was pin cushions. So why aren't they just pin cushions?


----------



## Joshie

Don't play innocent, SS. BCCC got those "special" dolls from you. You told me that some of the residents of Wretched Falls were getting a bit too demanding for your taste, especially Clovis and lonelyfarmgirl.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Everyone gets testy when they're bored. That's why I always keep a big supply of paper dolls to pass out for everyone to play with. My favorite paper dolls are Betsy McCall. I pretend I'm her and get to wear all the cute clothes. You've played with my paper dolls too Joshie. As I recall, you like the Hulk Hogan one.


----------



## pattycake

Soul, you are sure dating yourself with the Betsy McCall thing. Word is that you are trying to present yourself as pure and wholesome before you announce your candidacy on the Tea Party Ticket. I know you are sold on all these candidates but please, please stop and look at the whole picture. Most are liars and are probably right up your alley but most of us are on to them as we will be to you! The TV ads are already showing Soul as a simple little american that sits all day cutting out her Betsy McCall paperdolls,


----------



## Joshie

Ahem, pattycake, some of us are not posting baseless lies when we say we like those very conservative Tea Party candidates. Some of are looking at a bigger picture. 

Anyway, SS loaned out my Hulk Hogan costume to pattycake. SS was misleading all of us when she said that she likes to dress as Betsy McCall (by the way, I'm waaaay too young to know about her). In reality, she enjoys wearing her Troy Aikman costume.

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1wkcJO1bWY[/ame]


----------



## lonelyfarmgirl

hulk hogan is my boyfriend. joshie texts me and begs me and I share him with her. she has a hulk hogan obsession. you should see her secret room.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I swan, it's like trying to live among a bunch of rattled wind up toys. Don't any of you ever just sit down and take a quiet break once in awhile? I'm not political. I'm not interested in Troy, and I always tell the truth. Now, who wants to come and play with my new painting?

http://www.mcnaughtonart.com/artwork/view_zoom/?artpiece_id=379


----------



## lonelyfarmgirl

all truth be told, I am blown away by the painful reality of that painting. I was left speechless. wow.


----------



## beccachow

Who the heck is Betsy McCall???


----------



## soulsurvivor

It's ok that you don't know Becca Chow Chow Chow, the Betsy McCall paper dolls used to be inside the Good Housekeeping magazines back in the 50s when I was a little girl. One of the ladies at my church used to give her old magazines to me and my sister. We thought we were rich having such nice friends. Nowadays, it's more of the transformer dresses taking center stage:
http://www.wimp.com/transformerdresses


----------



## Joshie

Oh, come on and tell the truth, soulsurvivor. You played with the dolls in the 1909 Good Housekeeping. Here is the top part of your favorite paper doll.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Joshie is actually an Obama lover. She thinks all of his ideas are fabuloustastic, and positevely drools over his speeches, and shoots anyone who disagrees with her. Anyways, she's also traveling to CA to buy one of Kastdemur's $2000 doelings. 
http://www.kastdemurs.com/


----------



## Joshie

I think you're confused, Heritagefarm. My $2000 goat's name is Amabo and she's a mighty fine goat. 

Everyone watch out. Heritagefarm is trying to take all of our animals and bioengineer them to make additional residents for SS's Wretched Falls.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie singlehandedly infested my house with stinkbugs.


----------



## Heritagefarm

So THAT'S what that smell was when Becky came over to my house to eat some of my meatloaf. (made with my bioengineered goats; designed to produce high levels of saliva. I thought it would be useful for self-defense)


----------



## Joshie

Give me a little bit more credit than that, Becky. I also gave you a house full of Asian beetles and threw in some ticks and termites too.

SS figured that your place was the best place to breed the bugs she needs for her Bug Stew. Well, actually she got the recipe from you.

Becca's Chow AKA Becky's Energy drink

100 lbs Stink Bugs
10 lbs Asian Beetles
30 lbs Ticks of various species
45 lbs Termites
25 lbs flour
5 dozen eggs


Place 90 lbs of Stink bugs, Asian beetles, termites, and 20 lbs of ticks into an industrial sized blender. Slowly add flour and eggs. Blend until smooth. Pour over ice if desired. Pour into tall glasses. Garnish with remaining Stink bugs and Ticks. Be certain to use blend thoroughly and glass or metal containers. 

Garnish with caramel sauce and whipped cream.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Becky Bellyache is more like it. BCCC, you need to do this. Stop up every sink in your house, maybe the tub too. Squeeze in some Ajax Antibacterial dish liquid and run the water in to make some good bubbles. Walk off and forget it, but check back later. I'm not telling you a lie, but the bugs in your house will go crazy and jump into those bubbles and drown themselves.


----------



## Joshie

SS gave BCC fleas.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie is on this bug extermination kick and sees bugs everywhere. I'll bet bathtime is a fun time.


----------



## lonelyfarmgirl

the ants go marching one by one hurrah, hurrah..


----------



## Joshie

Lonelyfarmgirl has caused every man who meets her to run away screaming. They're just weirded out by her limited diet of caramels and salted almonds.


----------



## lonelyfarmgirl

I'm not the one with the secret hulk hogan room here, who's weird?


----------



## clovis

Lonelyfarmgirl likes to make fun of people for their like of Hulk Hogan, but in reality, she owns the world's largest collection of Richard Simmons memorabilia.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Clovis, Richard sends this to you in appreciation for your assistance in making his Sweatin to the Oldies videos:
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k61AN4fynDM&feature=related[/ame]


----------



## Kris in MI

soulsurvivor designed the costumes (ahem, workout clothes) AND did the choreography for Richard Simmons.


----------



## beccachow

Kris IS Richard Simmons.


----------



## Joshie

Becca Chow Chow is Richard Simmons' business partner.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Sweat the food, sweat the bodies, sweat the oldies. Clever business approach you have going there BCCC.


----------



## Heritagefarm

What business, the one with the dog processing plant? I guess it's still going, but Richard doesn't seem like the kind of guy to promote that.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Simmons'
Unless of course there's some weight loss thing going with it? Hum, I'll have to look into that, though I'm not much of a weight loss person myself; always preferred to just sit, doncha know.
Personally, I prefer the recipes with the stinkbugs only. Forget the ticks, they taste too acidic. Field spiders go great in it, though; I don't know why. Top it all off with a little mayo and cod liver oil, got yerself a nice plate of, erm, as soon as the Greeks name it I'll get back to you on that.

Now, time for my evening exercise program.


----------



## soulsurvivor

HeritageFarm used to be known as Ta Loose Around The Waist. Now we just call him Suspender Guy, or Mr Blue Jeans. He's like the rest of us at this age. All our fat cells have returned home for the family reunion. :sob:


----------



## Guest

Soulsurvivor never wears a coat or longsleeved shirt. No matter how bad the weather, SS is in a T-shirt. Why?? Because he's exercising the second amendment..........the right to bare arms.....


----------



## Heritagefarm

Zong is practicing her zongability. She regularly zongs a little ball around, and has a trampoline-like contraption as well. She claims that being bounced back and forth repeatedly is good for your memory. Well, last time I tried it, the off button strangely disappeared, and I had such a headache I couldn't remember why I was there! Actually, once my head cleared, I still couldn't remember why I'd gone into that trampoline. I suspect some sort of illegal meds.


----------



## pattycake

Heritagefarm chose this screen name to make it look like he is a long time gentleman farmer. The real fact is that he won this farm in a pool game.. The original owners had passed this farm down for the past 150 yrs. but the most recent generations found themselves in trouble for the property tax they owed. Heritage tallked a good talk and convinced them to a challenge of a pool game. He loves himself for this and wakes up smiling every morning.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Pattycake is just saying this because she's jealous. It isn't everyday you win a million dollar farm at a pool game, doncha know.  Convenient how much Vodka was in their cupboards - oops did I say that? 


(actually it was 75 thousand.)


----------



## Joshie

Heritagefarm has a hole in his britches because he tried to hitch a ride in one of his cream separators.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie has a hole in her britches too, but I ain't about to ask why.


----------



## Common Tator

Soulsurvivor has two rare and unusual collections. One collection is of the little plastic clips that hold store bought bread closed and the other collection is of the plastic rings that you must pull off milk jug tops before ou can open them.

Soul survivor keeps the collections in her living room, and has opened it to the public as a museum. Tours are technically *free* but a $6.00 donation is *strongly* suggested.


----------



## stickinthemud

Common Tator has donated several plastic bread clips to the collection, but never a milk jug ring/ never no my Precious


----------



## soulsurvivor

If you have any used fly paper send it to stickinthemud. She uses the dead insects as a cute addition to all her "nature under glass" crafts. I've got several filled with fruit fly gnats ready to mail her way.


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor was featured on _Hoarders_ earlier this week. She had an opossum in her living room.


----------



## soulsurvivor

We call em possums and they aren't allowed inside. We haven't had much luck in housetraining them. They play possum and just when you sit down to enjoy a bit of comfort, they jump on your face and try to scratch your eyes out.


----------



## beccachow

Soulsurvivor has two glass eyes as proof of her claim.


----------



## Heritagefarm

I can better that claim. I have *three* glass eyes!


----------



## Joshie

There's somethin' a missin' between Heritagefarm's ears.


----------



## lonelyfarmgirl

its goo. thats whats missin',


----------



## beccachow

lonelyfarmgirl made goo stew with joshie AND heritagefarm's brain goo. Notice she had to use two goos for stews...one of those two's goos were not enough.


----------



## HorseGirl31

beccachow loves eating sushi, caviar and calamari. She also had a lamb that follows her around.


----------



## pattycake

HorseGirl raises her horses to feed her family. She knocks eating raw fish but rumer has it that she eats her horsement on the rare side.


----------



## Joshie

Pattycake learned at he recent hospital stay that septic system water is not the same as well water.


----------



## stickinthemud

Joshie witched up that well for Pattycake, who was real pleased hitting water so quick until she found out it was her septic tank.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Well I never! So that's how stickinthemud got her name... she's a water witcher! Carries them two sticks around with her everywhere too. I bet she gets all kinds of good barter stuff for her water witching services too.


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor's new business idea is to create a new type of septic system that diverts waste water into creeks instead of leach fields. She calls it the Septic System Leach. The first job she did was installing her new septic system at stickinthemud's place. She couldn't understand why all stickinthemud's fish died and why they were covered in leaches.

Stickinthemud had to change her name to sickinthemud.


----------



## Common Tator

Soul Survivor wanted to become a star, and went to Hollywood hoping to be discovered. Well, that didn't work, but she figured she could get her face on TV if she committed a crime in an area where COPS was being filmed. She went to Wal Mart and told the greeter that she intended to use a slug the size of a quarter in the gumball machine, and get a gumball without paying for it.

The greeter called the cops, and Soul Survivor finally got her wish. The cop who patted her down did such a thorough job, and was so polite, that she sent him flowers when she got out of the hoosegow.

They are married now. Every year on their anniversary they go to Wal Mart and she uses a slug in the gumball machine, and he frisks her and arrests her again, and when she gets out, she sends him flowers.

Ain't that sweet?


----------



## soulsurvivor

After awhile you learn to not discount anything Common Tator says. She has eyes everywhere. What she lacks in mental acumen is more than made up by her keen visual acuteness. She's had a wonderful career as a sorority house mother and hasn't lost a girl yet.


----------



## Guest

I thinksoulsurvivor made a mess in my kitchen while I was asleep last night, because I had to do some big league cleaning this morning. It's OK though, apparently he likes cooking naked, because I found a pair of pants in the floor with $600 in the pocket. That naked cooking is freaky, but I was asleep didn't see anything, so, the $600 sounds like a fair trade. However, I'm never leaving the doors unlocked again. Never. Never.


----------



## beccachow

Zong is a vampire.


----------



## Common Tator

Beccachow got that nickname when she went to an all you can eat Chinese food buffet. She ate every last bit of the Moo Goo Gai Pan! Then she grabbed the food service pan right out of the warmer and licked it clean!

Now all the Chinese restaraunts in town have her picture right next to the cash register, with "DO NOT SERVE THIS PERSON!!!!!!!" printed across the top.


----------



## Guest

beccachow said:


> Zong is a vampire.


Yea, so??? what's your point??
Remember that song from the early 60's. Haunted House?? It's about Common Tator. Here's the proof: 
"..............
*When I seen somthin' that give me the creeps,
Had one big eye and two big feets.*
......"


----------



## Common Tator

I had TWO big eyes, and two big feets, until Zong poked me in the eye! All he had to say for himself was "sorry! It looked plastic!"


----------



## Joshie

We all know that Common Tator has many more than two eyes. The reason she's got that uppity attitude is that she's got royalty in her blood. She thinks she's better than the "little people" as she calls everyone else. 

You see, Common _Tater_ (her real name) is actually a King Edward 1916. She insists she's a rare version, not a common one, of a King Edward tater. Her skin is an attractive red color with white flushes.


----------



## soulsurvivor

:sob: I feel so lost here among these folks that don't make any sense to me.

Zong, honey, it's beyond me how your pants got in the floor, but I can promise you I wasn't involved in anything to do with that. Otherwise you wouldn't have found any money left in those pockets.

Common Tator, let's you and me go get fried.

Beccachow, Ms Bug Warrior, you have my upmost respect.

and Joshie, you're ongoing proof that the perkies of this world have a lot more going on than the rest of us might at first suspect. 

So drive on with the madness of wild and unsubstantiated lies one and all. I love having a good reason to use the big words in my vocabulary.


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor, you shouldn't get fried anymore. You're looking a little green around the gills. For some reason, I'm getting a hankerin' for fried green tomatoes.


----------



## pattycake

Joshie had been referring to fried green tomatoes alot and most think she is referring to the actual tomato. Actually she is referring to the movie and is named as a suspect of killing that Gman that came calling. She has been in hiding all these years but became a suspect when she was heard saying "I'm too old to be young but too young to be old.


----------



## Joshie

Pattycake has cotton between her ears.


----------



## Heritagefarm

And Joshie has prickly pears between her ears. That would explain her prickly attitude lately.


----------



## Joshie

It might also explain why I keep posting even though I can't think of anything funny to say. :teehee:


----------



## Common Tator

As a child, Joshie had an imaginary friend named Booger. Joshie could spend hours with Booger, playing, laughing, talking. The problem is, she never outgrew her imaginary friend! Now Booger is a good for nothing layabout who won't leave, and drinks all Joshie's beer! In fact, Booger has become quite rude and intolerable. Joshie can't get anyone to believe her about Booger, because they can't see him. So they assume that Joshie is doing all the drinking. Booger plays terrible pranks on people, and guess who gets blamed? 

Poor, poor Joshie! Living in the wake of a cruel and gluttonous (and drunk) imaginary former friend.

Yesterday, Booger was at it again. Telling Joshie really bad jokes that she had heard a million times before. She kept whispering for Booger to be quiet, but he wouldn't. While she was waiting to refill her prescriptions at Wal Mart, the jokes kept on coming, and Joshie finally had enough. She snapped! She dropped to her knees and screamed "BOOGER! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"

Joshie opened her eyes, and everybody was staring at her, mouths agape and wide eyed with fear. All except the pharmacist. He pointed down the aisle and said "Decongestants are down this aisle on the right!"


----------



## Joshie

Common Tator picks her nose and eats boogers.That's bad enough but she also picks other people's boogers and eats them. She finds soulsurvivor's boogers the tastiest. I'd be careful about eating any food served by Common Tator. I've heard it said that she uses boogers as a garnish on all the food she serves.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie is living prrof of the old adage, "You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose." What gives, joshie, you have some humdinger juicy ones in there. Share!


----------



## Common Tator

Beccachow and I have been good friends for a long time. We love shopping together, and going to lunch. She started looking at me funny though when I got my new fashion accessories, a brooch that looks like baco bits, and a new fanny pack that looks like sour cream and chives. 

At first I thought she was jealous, because they look soooooooo good on me. The other day while we were shopping, I saw a glint out of the corner of my eye, and turned around to see that she had a fork, and she looked like she was getting ready to poke me!

She invited me over to her house for dinner, where I expect that she will apologize. My ever lovin' Spud Muffin told me not to go. He says I am too trusting. I asked her what she was serving and she just smiled. Should I be worried?


----------



## Guest

Ahhh, so cute. Becca and Tator meet, face to face for the first time. i don't know which is which though.


----------



## Joshie

Beccachow invited me and zong over for steak, seasonal vegetables, and mashed potatoes. She has a bunch of sides we can add to our potatoes. They include butter, sour cream, chives, and real bacon (and not any nasty bacobits).Yum. She's also promised us a bunch of new potato recipes. She's making potatoes in all these ways. 

http://www.yumsugar.com/10-Ways-Prepare-Potatoes-995331


----------



## beccachow

Zong, taking a picture of Joshie before she puts on her makeup is simply hitting below the belt :nono:.


----------



## Common Tator

Did you know that Zong has the world's largest collection of Care Bears? He just can't get enough of them. Room fulls, storage units, garage and living room filled to the gills with care bears!

He heard Beccachow was having a yard sale, and that there may be a care bear or two sold there. So he showed up the night before and parked in front of her house, waiting for her to open in the morning. She saw him parked out front, and was really creeped out about it. 

Anyway, when she opened in the morning, she saw him reach for the care bears, which she had just marked $0.50. She snatched them back, thinking they may be worth more, so she marked them $1.00! He still bought them, and took them home and put them in the kitchen, which is the only room left in his house that isn't already floor to ceiling Care Bears.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Common Tater is married to a Jerusalem Artichoke. It was for religious reasons. He would much rather have married a wild carrot, but the flowers always had him down in a sneezing fit. He decided the JA was a better choice, but had to have her flown in. Thank goodness for mail order wives.


----------



## Joshie

Heritagefarm has a crush on Common Tator. He did, in fact, try to crush her in order to make mashed potatoes.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Please send your scrap yarn to Joshie.

She's using it to make hoods for homeless turkeys.


----------



## beccachow

Soulsurvivor, I must tell you as well...taking pictures of Joshie before she puts her makeup on is hitting below the belt. :nono:


----------



## soulsurvivor

Nuh uh. She's got her fuschia pink makeup on. Kinda uneven coverage but it's there. I don't understand why she wanted that tequila worm on her face though. Maybe it's the new way to make a fashion statement. Then again, zong has passed us all up on this new wave of fashion scare wear. I much prefer the well dressed turkey myself:


----------



## Heritagefarm

Poor Joshie...








SS did her in again. Yes, I said 'again'. She reincarnates pretty quickly.


----------



## Joshie

Yum, you're making me hungry!


----------



## Heritagefarm

Let's be very, very cautious around Joshie. She's known for self-cannibalism. :shocked:


----------



## Joshie

Heritagefarm doesn't walk anymore. He does jumping jacks everywhere he goes.


----------



## lonelyfarmgirl

you only know that because he jumping jacked on you. you liked it.


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor tried to teach lonelyfarmgirl how to do summersaults but lonelyfarmgirl is way too uncoordinated. I'll tell you, though, that soulsurvivor looks awful funny doing summersaults. I didn't know she could shake her booty like that.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie is oneto talk. Last time shefell down the stairs (she does it frequently, no sense of balance) she claimd it was an acrobatic trick. All the fellow Wretched Falls residents knew better, because Joshie has pushed every one of them down the stairs, sometimes more than once if she really likes them. Luckily, she hates me.


----------



## Common Tator

Beccachow sometimes thinks back to her first date. A nervous teenager from her high school asked her to the movies, but he said "we will be going Dutch."

How odd, she thought, but she really wanted to go our with the boy, so she accepted. He didn't know what to think when he picked her up, and she was dressed like this.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Common tater is in my oven. He said he wouldn't taste good, but I didn't believe him.


----------



## clovis

Heritagefarm is one of the cheapest people to live on planet Earth.

He is so cheap that he hasn't bought a pair of shoes in 14 years and 9 months.

For just a one time, up front rental charge of $3, Heritagefarm rented shoes from the bowling alley, and kept them after his first bowling game. When those shoes got worn out, he just went back and exchanged them for another pair. He's done this again and again, and the bowling alley manager can't figure out why he has to keep ordering 4 or 5 pair of new size 11's every year.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Raise your hand if you've been bowling with clovis.... 

no takers?

well allow me to be the first to tell you what you're missing. 

Clovis thinks the bowling ball should be light enough to throw overhand.

He also believes that the low ceiling in the bowling alley is designed for huge impact strength.

For him, throwing a strike involves something he calls a windup pitch.

oh, and he wears cleats, as in baseball shoes.

Don't let him know you carry cash. He'll be calling you to come get him out of jail and bring a cherry coke and chocolate moon pie.

Bowling for Dollars was invented by clovis for clovis.


----------



## Joshie

SS had all the sense knocked out of her when Clovis knocked her on the noggin' with a bowling ball.


----------



## beccachow

psssssssssssst....shhhhhh...Joshie is holding me hostage with a bowling pin. Errr, what I mean to say is, she is holding me AND a bowling pin hostage. SS and Clovis are so angry because they can't do a 7-10 split. Joshie thinks it is funny.

Guys, I am really scared of what she is going to do with that chalk. Shhh, here she comes now...


----------



## Joshie

Beccachow, stop eating soulsurvivor's talcum powder.


----------



## Guest

Joshie likes to tell everybody that she use to be a bunny, the implication, of course is that she was a playboy bunny. When people say, not hardly, then she implies that she was the original Energizer bunny. If they ask too many questions, she then claims to once being the Easter bunny in a parade. But....now for the rest of the story: She's in incognito as Joshie because she saw the extremes that her neighbor, Elmer Fudd went though to get to her late husband, Buggs.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Zong, Joshie and BeccaCCC are all starring in a remake of the show Three's Company. I might dig my tv out of the trashcan and watch that one. :teehee:


----------



## Joshie

Three's Company characters:

Joshie--- Chrissy
zong-----Jack
BCC------Janet
SS-------Mrs. Furley
clovis----Larry


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor is mad at me because she didn't get the Chrissy role.


----------



## therunbunch

Joshie smokes in bed and lives in parent's basement.


----------



## DenMacII

As Clovis's personal doctor, I just had to chime in and break our Doctor/Patient privilege to tell you about his annual physical the other day.

When I greeted him he immediately starts telling me in a panic: "DOCTOR..What's wrong with me? Every morning I wake up, I look in the mirror, and want to throw up." 

So I told him; "I have no idea...but your vision is perfect."

(great thread!!! How have I missed it this long?)


----------



## Joshie

DenMacII keeps a Mack truck in his den. The diesel fumes make his house smell kinda funny.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie knows a lot about diesel fumes. She used to service trucks at a truck stop near her home. When she was late getting home for supper her excuse was that she was overcome by the diesel fumes and had to sleep it off. DenMacII drives a Mack and has the inside goods on Joshie but he ain't talking.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Soulsurvivor, you need to come and get your huge semi out of my yard. I don't know how you're gonna do it, 'cause it tipped over and crushed the old barn. It was ensured for a dime and a nickel, but they won't pay up, so you're gonna have to. And bring your crane with you. (The big metal one, not the one with feathers)


----------



## clovis

Ya' all see the "THF" in Heritagefarm's avatar?

It stands for "The Hootch Factory".

He's using cream separators as distilling pots, and is making bootleg liquor out of his home. It is a great business for him, because his main market is high school kids. 

No wonder we've heard such silly stuff from that guy.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Clovis is actually one of my main customers for, what was it, shoelace beer? Yah, yah, that was it. My, the weather is nice today - uh, what were we - oh, yah, right. Um, Clovis is actually one of my main customers for, what was it, legboot sauce? Yah, yah, that was it. He helps me with the cranking, only thing is the system is odd and the beer doesn't always end up in the right container, so I think they may have gotten some, what was it, shoe sole chews? Yah, yah, that was it. They say it's tough - oh wait, this was about, what was it...


----------



## DenMacII

So last night I was hunkered down in my secret underground bunker (or SUB as I call it) and was reading though that Wicki Leaki site with all those secret documents. I came across this uber secret report that Monsanto has been working on for over 10 years. It states that Monsanto was trying create a THF-Ready Seed. A seed so genetically modified that if THF plants it - it would actually grow. They abandoned the project in compelte frustration after coming to the realization that anything THF planted was going to die a horrible unfruitful death, and that no science known to man could stop it. 

Really...


----------



## Joshie

DenMac has been genetically modified.


----------



## DenMacII

That's from drinking The Hootch Factory's blind eyed - shoe laced - hard cranking - beer, stuff, drink thing.


----------



## beccachow

DenMac sniffs magic markers.


----------



## soulsurvivor

BCCC and therunbunch are best buddies and they sniff their flavored markers as they draw themselves into a corner of DenMacII's basement every night. They're all engrossed in the latest issue of Highlights and work diligently to find the Hidden things of Halloween.


----------



## DenMacII

Wait a minute, I thought we were supposed to be making stuff up....I love sniffing magic markers. 

I guess the 'flavored' part is made up - I go for the big jumbo markers straight up - no watered down flavors for me. Those are the best!!! Hey, have you seen my wallet? Why is the room spinning? Whoa Nellie!?!?!

Oh, and it's 'secret underground Bunker'. Basements are full of spider webs and clothes from the 70's. Mine's more of a secret lair ... just disguised with spider webs and clothes from the 70's.


----------



## clovis

Since we are talking about sniffing stuff:

Do you all remember the Mary Katherine Gallagher character on SNL a few years ago?

Did you all know that the sniffing of armpit sweat by Mary Katherine Gallagher was taken from soulsurvivor?

Soulsurvivor is infatuated with the smell of her own armpit sweat, especially when she gets nervous.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Katherine_Gallagher


----------



## soulsurvivor

We've had this discussion on here before and I clearly recall that it's Joshie who has the pit problem and is most likely to have influenced others. I think I'll leave the mooning stuff to clovis. I'm a retired teacher and I simply cannot tolerate any reference that would smear my good reputation.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Speakin of reterred teechers, I hopes you wasn't a h'english teecher? I really can't stand english, really, and it's my first language (I think), so I really should be able to get this whole c after i except after b thing, you know? And the er's and or's and the Bor's... SS was my h'english teecher, so there we goes.


----------



## Joshie

Heritagefarm dropped out of school in the second grade. He was 20 years old and had a 2-year old child at the time.


----------



## beccachow

And here is the biggest surprise at all...JOSHIE WAS THE 2 YEAR OLD CHILD!!!

The daughter of HF and an alien, Joshie has three heads and six arms. SS is in heaven since she can sniff all 6 of Joshie's armpits. Clovis is excited since tree heads equals thre noses for his booger collection. DM is angry though, since Joshie sniffs three times the magic markers as he does.


----------



## Eyes Wide Open

Beccachow is a yoga master who has recently changed her name to Dharma.


----------



## Joshie

EWO is Greg to BCC's Dharma.


----------



## DenMacII

But...but...I was going to quit my job as agent Hochner and rejoin Dharma. Joshie is jealous cause she only dated Balki Bartokamous for a week, and was never seen on the show again.


----------



## soulsurvivor

It's so obvious that I shouldn't have to mention it, but DenMacII is only allowed out after dark.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Honestly, SS, you need to stop using that picture of me as your avata- never mind, I just realized that's Becca Chow Chow.


----------



## Joshie

SS, you BCC, and I really need to call the cops so that we can return Heritagefarm to the lockdown unit at Wretched Falls where he belongs, right next to clovis.


----------



## lonelyfarmgirl

the only reason, joshie, you want HF locked back up is because he is raining on your night streaking parade with denmac. you two are having WAY too much fun at that.


----------



## Common Tator

Lonely Farn Girl is jealous of Joshie for her midnight streaking parade, because she used to be the only one doing it. In fact, for Halloween, she is going as lady Godiva. She has a horse, she has long hair, and she is good to go!


----------



## Guest

Common Tator dressed in a frog suit, and with her oddly shaped head, went as Lady Gourd Diver...


----------



## DenMacII

Wait...I thought LFG was Lady Gaga. Why would she dress as chocolate for Halloween? And she has all those pink hair extensions. 

The county only permits me to streak at midnight because the trauma to the neighbors is far less. That's what they told me anyway.

The jealousy abounds since Zong placed a distant 2nd in the I'm Gourdous Too competition at the All You Can Gourd Festival last year.


----------



## Joshie

Last night I went to take a picture of the lovely night sky. The moon was full and the sky was so beautiful. It was at that moment that I saw the full moon and DMII running away.


----------



## Guest

Joshie said:


> Last night I shaved my large turnip shaped head and went to the tattoo parlor and got hair tattooed on my skull. That way I'll never have to worry about combing it, shampooing it, or anything. Ain't no fleas on me!!!


 What the????


----------



## Gottabenutz

Zong stepped on a rake (that was left out in the yard) which came up and gave an incredible whack to the forehead! Zong is now suffering from massive confusion.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Gottabenutz is claiming kinship to the Planters peanuts family but hasn't made any legal connection yet other than to have a case of dry rough skin and an overwhelming urge to wear a black top hat and carry a black walking cane.


----------



## Heritagefarm

It was actually soulsurvivor who derailed Joshie's train. I was there to watch the whole thing, Joshie didn't mention she fell in the piranha pool: I'm pretty sure SS threatened to sue her if she mentioned it.


----------



## Joshie

Heritagefarm was one of the babies who had to be carried off my train. SS wasn't too happy about having to change his diapers. 


Zong, you are bad. Very, very bad. I had to reread your post because I couldn't figure out when I said those things. Heritagefarm, I guess you are one of the sick ones who got my train joke. :nanner:


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie said:


> Heritagefarm was one of the babies who had to be carried off my train. SS was only too happy to save everyone on the train.
> 
> 
> Zong, you are bad but Very, very talented. I had to reread your post because I couldn't figure out when I said those things. I'm a bit slow to comprehend changes made to quotes. Heritagefarm, I guess you are one of the sick ones who got my train joke. :nanner:


Working my magic is so much fun. What card am I holding now?


----------



## beccachow

The Joker. And a mirror.


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow said:


> The Joker. And a mirror.


I only carry rear view. Priceless, ain't it?


----------



## Heritagefarm

SS, I want my rear-view mirror back. I'd like you to stop raiding all the vehicles in the yard of rear-view mirrors, too; the customers are getting a bit peeved.


----------



## Joshie

soulsurvivor said:


> I carry rear view mirror with me everywhere I go. I just know that the mirror is the only reason that backside looks so very big. It also makes Heritagefarm's head look like a big pumpkin.


Oh, poor, poor soulsurvivor. Me thinks you've eaten way too many Tootsie Rolls. Heritagefarm, you'd better run away from soulsurvivor. She wants to carve a Jack-O-Lantern and your pumpkin head is the best pumpkin in town.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie handed out cough drops as candy last night, then stood on her porch and giggled as the kids cried.


----------



## Heritagefarm

That's not nice, beccachow: I know how much you begged me for that water hemlock, but stop putting it in coughdrops! :shocked:


----------



## Joshie

Heritagefarm dressed up as soulsurvivor.


----------



## Megabeth

Joshie did not hand out cough drops to trick or treaters. That's a dirty lie -- and too obvious to boot. She is way more devious than that.

She spent days rewrapping ExLax in Hershey bar wrappers, thank you very much. Then she shooed the little children off her porch, very, very quickly.


----------



## HorseGirl31

Megabeth HATES the dentists' office.


----------



## Common Tator

Horsegirl31 needs new glasses. I saw her riding a moose yesterday, thinking it was her horse!


----------



## Heritagefarm

Are you calling me fat, common tater? That's just not nice.:viking:


----------



## DenMacII

I was at the Megabeth record release party back in the 80's when her first album was released: "Regularity Is My Business, And Business Is Good" The night ended suddenly when the entire crowd learned the hard way: 'Never drink the free Hot Cocoa' at a Megabeth concert. The crowd, the venue, the bathrooms, and music has never been the same!


----------



## soulsurvivor

Sara Bareilles wrote her new hit single "King of Anything" with DenMacII in mind:

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4z0RmLXXJe[/ame]

ok, not really. I just happen to love the song and needed a reason to link it in here. Enjoy.


----------



## clovis

Soulsurvivor is so dumb that she thinks that peanut butter is a dairy product.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Clovis can make peanut butter from his cow milk. I don't want to know what he curdles it with. Probably just stares it into submission. :shocked:


----------



## soulsurvivor

clovis said:


> Soulsurvivor is so dumb that she thinks that peanut butter is a dairy product.


belch:**


----------



## soulsurvivor

Heritagefarm said:


> Clovis can make peanut butter from his cow milk. I don't want to know what he curdles it with. Probably just stares it into submission. :shocked:


:shocked: I believe you oh master of cream separators. :shocked:

All jokes aside, Heritagefarm has a fantastic webpage on antique cream separators. The link is in his signature.


----------



## Common Tator

Soulsurvivor made an appointment to see the doctor, because she is having trouble walking. She can only take short little steps. 

She hasn't figured out that her kids tied her shoelaces together.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Common Tator offers Saturday morning craftshops for young children. The schedule includes sessions on how to untie and tie shoes, yell fire and dial for 911, how to save seed from table food, how to properly use duct tape, and how to set an alarm on a clock.

Be forewarned that your children will learn everything easily and surprise you with a morning wakeup call you may or may not survive. 

I now call her Devious Tator.


----------



## Heritagefarm

When SS says "how to set an alarm on a clock", she really means how to set a nuclear bomb on a clock. She keeps bugging me for more 115_p_-115_n_.


----------



## Joshie

Heritagefarm has been trying to milk his turtles for the last six years and cannot figure out why it's not working. His Turtle Milk Soap business hasn't taken off like he expected. He just started using bat milk instead but hasn't told his customers. His wife had to take Heritagefarm to the vet this morning when he started foaming at the mouth.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Joshie was the one who convinced me to milk turtles and bats, don't let her tell you anything else. I made her pay for my rabies vaccine, but I forgot to check the label first. I think she gave me a shot of penicillin. Not sure how much that will help. Up, gotta go now, my possums are calling me.


----------



## Common Tator

HeritageFarm Is out milking his possums now, Ohhch, Ouch, That looks painful. Hey, put some pressure on the bleeding, Dude! He said he needs all those cream separators for the possum milk, and he intends to corner the market. Oh, this is awful. I can't watch any more!


----------



## HorseGirl31

CommonTator LOVES to eat CANNED SQUID!


----------



## Common Tator

Horse girl just returned from voting, and she is hopping mad! She heard stories her great grandma told of some candidate who promised a chicken for every pot, so she took her pot to the polls with her. She was planning on serving that chicken for dinner!


----------



## Joshie

Common Tator is going hippity hop because she voted for a frog. Heritagefarm thinks he can milk the frog. When will they ever learn? :awh:


----------



## Heritagefarm

Joshie still needs to ship my frog milker to me. Hand milking ain't working so far.:flame:


----------



## Joshie

Heritagefarm goes everywhere on a pogo stick. He sure looks funny when he drives. STAY OFF THE ROAD WHEN HERITAGEFARM IS ON THE ROAD!!!


----------



## soulsurvivor

My GPS has a built in frog warning. I don't think it's got one for a hopping man.

I'll trust Joshie though. She has never lied to me, but I do question her judgement of fashion. She's currently on a mink coat kick and none of us want to hurt her feelings, but her mink coat looks lots like a horse tail, especially when it raises up at the sound of hoofbeats.


----------



## Common Tator

Soul Survivor is so jealous of Joshie's mink coat, that she just got herself a lovely black and white skunk coat! It sure attracts attention when she goes out in public! DO NOT ASK HOW SHE GOT IT!


----------



## soulsurvivor

:bored: yea, ok, I'll admit it, I am a little bit jealous that she has a lovely mink coat and I don't.... but I don't do skunk. Chipmunk maybe, but not skunk. yewww


----------



## Bret

Soulsurvior has a skunk coat from the red carpet that was seen at the opening of the movie Stripes


----------



## soulsurvivor

Hey there Bret! Good to see you! You the one that's been seen escorting Miley's mom around town?


----------



## pattycake

Soulsurvivor makes all these allegations about others to try and take attention off herself. She was in the first Survivor Show and was the first one voted off the island. She was so humiliated that she wants no one to know. Sorry Soul but this was televised and we all saw it.


----------



## Joshie

Pattycake took my beautiful mink coat. She cut it up and sewed it into little dresses for soulsurvivor's chickens.


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor hasn't posted for a couple of days because she's been doing a Hula dance is a bikini and nothin' else. Biggest problem with that is she's wearing the bikini on her head. <shudder>


----------



## soulsurvivor

Well ok Miss Priss, I'll just keep doing it cause you have to ~~~~shudder~~~~ at the sight of my beauty. Actually I am quite attractive in a bathing suit but it has to have the diagonal lines to take attention away from my waistline. Oh, and I love my chickens dressed up in their cute little mink coat dresses. It sure has the chicken hawks fooled. 

So Joshie, when you going to shave? I'm needing some hair to finish knitting a pair of socks for BCCC. She says her feet have been killing her lately. I've suggested that she first remove them from her mouth.

I think you're overdue girlfriend...


----------



## beccachow

SS, you accidentally posted that WolfWoman pic of yourself. Again. Note to self: don't ever go to Wretched Falls for dinner during a full moon.


----------



## Joshie

BCCC, you carry your gun with the mercury bullet in it and I'll take my pure silver walking stick sword anytime we walk anywhere close to Wretched Falls.


----------



## Joshie

BCC decided to shave soulsurvivor's facial hair. Let me tell you, what she found underneath that hair was pretty scary.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Joshie owns the Rogaine company. She bought it at an auction, along with some ceramic knickknacks and broken glass bottles.


----------



## beccachow

And remember...Heritage Farm isn't just a salesman, he's also a client.


----------



## soulsurvivor

BCCC cures hams in her outhouse. She claims to have the perfect recipe. :shocked::run:


----------



## Joshie

BCCC uses SS's family recipe for curing ham. She's just mad at BCCC because her chain of restaurants featuring her ham is doing so very well. Now, I've never eaten there before but clovis tells me that the food at Aunt Becky's Outhouse Hams is the best for miles around.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie is a deer hunter and markets and sells her own brand of deer scent. It's called "Come to Mama".


----------



## beccachow

Joshie made SS a sweet little winter hat, with antlers sewn onto it. I thought the fact that she then invited SS on a hungting trip was very sweet.  Joshie is all heart. I haven't heard from SS in a while, though. Mmmmm, Joshie, I love this deer jerky you sent me.


----------



## HorseGirl31

beccachow loves goat hair and makes socks out of it.


----------



## Joshie

HorseyG goes deer hunting in order to put BCCC's goat hair socks on them. She's had to go to the ER six times in the last three days.


----------



## HorseGirl31

Joshie works at the ER putting goat hair socks on all the patients(including deer hide soles!!!)


----------



## soulsurvivor

HorseGirl31 is beccachow's new neighhh-bor. . . ok, lame name play there, but it's actually quite an event that someone, anyone, would move in beside BCCC. If you're downwind from BCCC it doesn't take long to decide you need to move. She and pattycake have this farm based business venture of drying and selling horse patties for use in high fashion spas. The smelly concoctions go into a mineral bath that promises relief from being over popular and sought after by the paparazzi.


----------



## Heritagefarm

SOO, soulsurvivor, THAT was why I couldn't stand to have you at my dinner table last night. Joshie couldn't stand it either. Although, honestly, I have a much better alternative: Just stand a buck pen for a couple minutes. Works like a charm. People won't touch you with a 10-foot rod, even if it has monkey feet.


----------



## soulsurvivor

HeritageFarm gets grouchy when he doesn't get his nightly snack of crumbled up cornbread in a glass of cold buttermilk. His buttermilk source has dried up and he's trying to find a good replacement.


----------



## beccachow

Oh, Soulsurvivor!! I am so glad to hear from you after your hunting excursion with Joshie. You are the only one who understands why HeritageFarm has a 10-foot pole with monkey feet on it.


----------



## pattycake

Soulsurvivor had to call in sick today because of the green tint to her skin (envy) after she read today's Wall Street Journal. It seems that Becca and Pattycake just sold their horse pattie mineral bath secret formula to a popular spa known to host the rich and famous. Selling price could not be mentioned as they signed a disclosure to not reveal the price paid. Let's just say they are walking in high cotton.


----------



## soulsurvivor

nah, I'm always a little green around the edges. I figure it's my reptile DNA showing through. So pattycake, were you the one that bought that classic coke painting at Soethby's? Some many million for a pop painting done by a pop artist. Then again it's a Warhol. Congrats on that if true. Any future plans for investments? purchases? metals? diamonds? Did you know that Tiffany & Co are building a factory in Lexington, KY? Did you know that Miss Kentucky won the Miss World title this week?


----------



## Joshie

Let me tell you this.... Lookin' at the new Miss Kentucky ain't a pretty sight. Nope, it ain't. SS struts down the aisle in her goat hair socks, her antlered hat, and her green skin. It's enough to scare anybody. I did hear BCCC ask SS where she got her Ode de horsey poo. I think I saw HeritageFarm runnin' away wearing SS's tiara and a sequined tutu. I hate to admit it but he did look kinda purty.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie came over to the states on the Mayflower.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie calls it The Sunflower. I think it's due to her hippy upbringing. Everything is a "purty" thing to her.

so beccachow, what are you doing with your millions? There was an older couple last week in the news for giving away an 11 million dollar jackpot they had won in the lottery. They said that much money was a big headache.


----------



## Heritagefarm

SS is so concerned about Obama's recent inflation tactics that she is stocking up on gold and silver in her basement. She's so rich she needs another basement.


----------



## soulsurvivor

HeritageFarm's gold hidey hole is in plain view. He still needs a map to find it though. I donate all my gold to Ft Knox since they're a close neighbor of mine.


----------



## HorseGirl31

SS says he owns huge gold mines and says it is real gold, but is secretly an alchemist who had found the secret to making gold and doesn't want to share it!


----------



## Joshie

HorseyGirl built the Mayflower. SS was so nice back then that she covered the thing in gold leaf. HorseyGirlie scraped off every last bit of gold. She spent all of it on a fancy set of new duds. She still wears it to this day. She looks mighty funny with that skirt hiked up around her waist as she goes horsey riding.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie's biggest store of gold is on her front teeth, capped. She is also secretly a rap artist. She has the market of Rapping Homesteader cornered.


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow decided to make it simple and put all her new wealth into one vase:
http://www.theaustralian.com.au/new...record-in-london/story-e6frg6so-1225952540179


----------



## beccachow

I happen to like "humorous fish" motifs :shrug:. You should, too, since you are one.


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow said:


> I happen to like "humorous fish" motifs :shrug:. You should, too, since you are one.


I thought you were into bug studies. I found a smoking hot rear end for you:

http://www.wimp.com/bombardierbeetle/


----------



## Joshie

SS takes showers under her pet bug. That's her voice and bug in her link. Don't cha luv that husky voice of hers.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie, if you stand very still and quiet you can make the "voices" you hear go away.

:indif:


----------



## Joshie

Quit whispering in my ear, SS. I will not steal BCCC's doggies for you!


----------



## NickieL

Joshie decided to work for a circus, and is one of the clowns in the tiny crowded car.


----------



## beccachow

You know, Nickie, the car didn't used to be small until you just HAD to try your Shrink Ray you made out of batteries, tin foil and a candle. Now poor Joshie is stuck in there, along with 24 other people (it used to be a bus).


----------



## DenMacII

Thank goodness I am now safe. It's been almost two weeks since I last posted here and I must tell you of my terrifying journey.

It all started harmless enough, I was celebrating early the passage of prop 19 in California (I learned just moments ago that the proposition actually failed miserably).

Just as things were getting fuzzy, I met this seductive bearded women who had this smell that must have cleared the room - then everything went dark. I'm not sure how long I was out, but when I woke up I was chained to a heater in the basement of some rural farm house in Maryland. I was kept in total darkness the entire time. The whole time of my captivity the music was blaring - Papa u mau mau, papa u mau mau-mau, only the words had been changed to Becca chow chow chow Becca chow chow chow-chow. Over and over again, that's all I heard - and that smell, I'll never forget that smell. I don't know that I will ever sleep again. 

Finally I was rescued by an angel, she was dressed in this long flowing blue dress wearing a wide brimmed hat. She identified herself only as Horsegirl. She reached into her flowing dress and pulled out a pair of bolt cutters and released me from my captivity. The only thing Horsegirl told me was: 'Go quickly, the bearded one is deer hunting and will be back soon.' 

I fled as fast as I can. I was able to beg for enough loose change to get bus fare back home. I send this to you from an internet cafe somewhere outside of Kansas City, MO...or is it Kansas City, KS...never mind that now. 

Soon I will be home, but my life has ever been changed.


----------



## soulsurvivor

wow DenMacII, you almost had a close encounter didn't you? As for hurrying home, I'd probably take my time getting there. There's been some missiles and rockets being fired off close to your house and nobody's sure who's doing it. :shocked:


----------



## Joshie

SS is about two blocks from her home right now. She just started her next trip. She's summersaulting from KY to NC. It's quite a sight!


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie, if you see me doing any kind of flipping, it ain't going to be my legs doing it. 

I thought you were on your way to sheep herding school with your new dog. If you learn any new tricks I'm always here waiting to be entertained. I really like videos and pictures too.


----------



## Nellie

Soulsurvivor actually can't somersault because she only has one leg. She meant to have her screen name be "SoleSurvivor" for her surviving leg (which was also a pun about the sole of her sole foot), but it's been so long since grade school that she couldn't remember the difference between "soul" and "sole" that she got them confused.


----------



## beccachow

Nellie is a fine one to talk about when people went to school. She actually was a student in the one room school featured on Little House on the Prarie...only when SHE went there, it was Little Cave on the Dinosaur Plain.


----------



## Heritagefarm

BCCCCCCC was the one who kidnapped Denmac. She was rather frustrated because it took her several 12 hour days to modify her song using Audacity. She regularly uses it to mess up songs and market them, and test them on victims as well. Her most famous one ("Bad Horrid Messed Up Track") had a champion wrestler in tears after the first 30 seconds. He later became the very famous singer, Lady GaGa.


----------



## Joshie

HF was the teacher at the Little Cave on the Dinosaur Plain. He taught poor Nellie. She's so confused about all she learned that she thinks she has nine children when she actually has 14. Her schoolhouse is actually a big, brown pole barn.


----------



## DenMacII

Joshie is jealous because the big, brown pole barn was featured in this month's Better Shacks And Sheds while her unique yurt made out of Yak cheese was overlooked once again. 

She thinks that going green means your house must be moldy! 

Oh, that reminds me, I REALLY need to get those clothes from my journey into the wash...or maybe I better just burn them.


----------



## Nellie

:rotfl::hysterical:


----------



## soulsurvivor

Nellie said:


> Soulsurvivor actually can't somersault because she only has one leg. She meant to have her screen name be "SoleSurvivor" for her surviving leg (which was also a pun about the sole of her sole foot), but it's been so long since grade school that she couldn't remember the difference between "soul" and "sole" that she got them confused.


I think attention to the smallest details of spelling and word usages are important, maybe even "life and death" important:
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Msmqx9aOhz4[/ame]

Nellie, maybe you could kick start Joshie into a lesson on using "burger" instead of "booger". She's always getting the two confused.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Everyone should try SS'S burgers, which she makes with cow boogers. They simply taste fabulous. She was the only one who actually made deaconjim's Goat Cud entree and served it to her guests. They all said it had a rather earthy, salad-like taste...


----------



## soulsurvivor

HeritageFarm doesn't advertise this but THF is secret code for The Hippy Fan. He's still living in the 70s and expects everyone to do the natural thing he calls "free living". I suppose we could all take some valuable lessons from THF and adjust our lifestyle to using less, but I have to draw the line on that grass and microbe salad he's promoting. umm, no thanks, I'll stick to the lettuce and tomato.


----------



## beccachow

soulsurvivor was a contestant on the Gong Show and was gonged for her performance of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. She sang it like this: Twinkle twinkle, little star, H I J K L M N O P.....


----------



## Joshie

BCCC' favorite song is sung like this: Tinkle Tinkle little star... H I J K L M N O PPPPPP.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie, I am SO glad they took that strait jacket off you and allowed you to type a "wee" bit, again...you know, after that whole DefCon 5 thing involving the pickle, a warthog, Clorox Bleach, and Kraft Ranch Salad Dressing (shudders at the memory).


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow knows just enough to be dangerous. I took her with me to Macys and we were doing the shopping thing and got in the middle of that surprise flash mob thing. I thought both of us were standing there doing the hallelujah thing. But when I looked at beccachow she was ripping off her clothes and dancing around. OH MY GOODNESS!! Color me all kinds of red as I had to yell at her that this wasn't that kind of flashing....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wp_RHnQ-jgU&feature=player_embedded#1


----------



## Joshie

SS, you know as well as I do that BCCC ripped off her clothing due to that itching powder you put in them when she was trying on that Mrs. Santa costume. I will say that her suit looks a lot better on her than that birthday suit with the bunny ears you wear.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I have the distinct impression that Joshie took the 3 hour tour and never returned.

:umno: I never use itching powder; only the best talcum powder. Or at least that's what you told me it was when you gave it to me for my birthday. And speaking of that best talcum powder, can you explain to me why it gets puffy when wet? Kinda freaked me out the first time I used it. My chest looked like it had been attacked by a marshmallow gun.


----------



## beccachow

Speaking of marshmallow, SS is secretly in love with the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters. Whoops, guess not so secretly, now.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Well, at least he's better than that Burger King fraud you keep company with all the time, or as Joshie would call him, the Booger King.


----------



## beccachow

Hey, SS...I didn't want to tell you, but we all lured your secret love to a campfire, and..well...I'm stuffed, how about y'all?


----------



## soulsurvivor

Lured? LURED?? Just be honest and tell me the truth. You, BCCC, had a hot fire going and so you tricked my fluffy boyfriend into your clutches, speared him with your sharp stick and roasted his fat little body until it turned into massive brown blisters and then ate him all by yourself, didn't you? 

So, you sick yet?

He always warned me not to accidently lick him because he rolled in arsenic to keep the bugs away.

I guess bug worries were the least of his problems.


----------



## DenMacII

They will need to rethink that Stay Puff name cause when BCCCC pulled him off the fire and jammed him between graham crackers with chocolate he didn't stay puffed at all.

Great... now I want smores.... Be back later...


----------



## NickieL

denmac went to get smores but instead found a crocodile in his pantry which bit him right in the face......Poor denmac has to have a face transplant now.


----------



## soulsurvivor

That's the biggest lie I've ever heard NickiL. You're just looking for some fool to buy that last pumpkin you carved to look like Clovis's face, except it came out looking more like a wrinkled behind than a face. I know you're an expert with the surgical instruments and can whittle with the best of contenders, but Clovis is just too butt ugly to use as a facial model. I'll show you supercute:
http://www.wimp.com/supercute/


----------



## Joshie

SS just started a fine dining establishment in the addition she added to Wretched Falls. It looks like a nice place and the aroma is heavenly.

Hey, has anyone seen my kittens?


----------



## Heritagefarm

I checked out that restaurant. SS was giving demonstration on plastic surgery using clovis' face and marshmellows. The food, however, tasted like it was straight from the dumpster, which, since the stuff that goes into the dumpster is horrendous anyways, the food was really GOOD.


----------



## soulsurvivor

HeritageFarm has an ongoing problem with forming brain connections that denote and define opposites. Regardless of what he tells you, think just the opposite and you might get close to the truth. Then again, we're in the biggest lie thread, so please excuse my temporary absence of sanity. Just to add that HeritageFarm is now drilling holes in all horns of his farm animals. He's inserting GPS chips so he can track his animals. He doesn't want any further cow abductions to happen without his digital notification. For those who missed it, here's the link:
http://www.cowabduction.com
Be certain to have the sound turned on and move your cursor over the cow to see what HeritageFarm and others are attempting to stop from happening.... it's incredibly sad.


----------



## beccachow

SS actually wrote a whole book on the abductions, entitled "What If?" Her theory is that cows are, in fact, aliens planted here from a superior race. Interesting reading for a pop-up book.


----------



## Guest

All Becca knows about cows is that cow pie ain't nearly as good as it sounds like it would be.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Zong has started a new home-based business called "Sniff Your Air". He's selling 3 types of indoor plants that have a recent research model to prove they provide clean indoor air and oxygen. The three plants he sells are areca palm, mother-in-laws-tongue, and the money plant.

http://www.wimp.com/freshair/


----------



## DenMacII

SS grew a money plant once, but quit when the Circle K refused to accept the leaves as actual money. You should have seen the fit she threw at the counter when she couldn't leave with a whole tube of Slim Jim's.


----------



## soulsurvivor

You've heard of turducken. It's usually a whole turkey stuffed with a whole duck that's stuffed with a whole chicken, or some such combination. Well DenMacII decided to use that same concept with his stash of gold bars. You take a gold bar and stuff it with a tungsten bar and stuff that with an iron bar. Quite the clever fellow, his idea was copied by others and now he's on the run for bringing down the price of gold and ticking off a lot of gold speculators. I live close to Ft Knox and I've heard rumors that DenMacII is hiding out in the empty gold vault there and fighting off the rats.


----------



## DenMacII

SS you've uncovered my plot for the last time!!! 

I will now have to relocate my Secret Underground Bunker yet again. 

If you weren't working for the Chinese Banking cartel as their chief metallurgist my plot to sneak the world's gold supply to my super secret underground Chuck-E-Cheese lair would have succeeded, but now I will have to start all over again.

So...who wants some for-real-Baron Bonds? They have many millions in face value, but I will barter them for extra cheese on a personal pizza.

SS...bring some of the duck-turkey-chicken pate thingy and we will live it up!!! I usually won't eat anything that starts with those first four letters, but if SS says it's OK, it must be...


----------



## beccachow

DenMacII said:


> SS you've uncovered my plot for the last time!!!
> 
> I will now have to relocate my Secret Underground Bunker yet again.
> 
> If you weren't working for the Chinese Banking cartel as their chief metallurgist my plot to sneak the world's gold supply to my super secret underground Chuck-E-Cheese lair would have succeeded, but now I will have to start all over again.
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> 
> And he would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling kids.


----------



## soulsurvivor

"meddling kids"???... careful BCCC. Your wicked witch personality is showing. 

BCCC claims to live in Merryland in a gingerbread cottage complete with peppermint shingles, chocolate shutters, and jelly belly furniture. We who have shown great courage to visit BCCC beg to differ with that fairy tale description of home sweet home. The outside of her house is very inviting but once you step inside then be forewarned that you will be overcome with a powerful smell of RAID. What is that all about?


----------



## HorseGirl31

ss has decided for Thanksgiving she will stuff turkeys with peppermints and MnM's and tons of candy then tell the children it was a magical turkey.


----------



## soulsurvivor

horsegirl31, have you ever cooked a turkey? If you have then you're one ahead of me.

I hear that you can take your raw turkey into the airport and stand in the irradiation scanner and it will cook your bird for you before you board the plane.


----------



## DenMacII

Well that sure changes the whole visual of flipping the bird to a TSA agent! 

Last week SS was seen slowly driving the Mystery Mobile past BCCC's place dropping bread crumbs the entire time, or was it ducolax tablets? Oh how I hate when I confuse the two.


----------



## Joshie

DenMac was running muddy water after he ate that ducolax pie SS made. Remember, folks, never eat Thanksgiving at SS's place. Remember my poor lost kitten? BCCC told me she heard SS saying that she'd give the kitty a good home. A little while later, when HeritageFarm was eating at SS's restaurant, he had a big ole coughing fit because he got a hair ball. Has anybody seen my kitty?


----------



## soulsurvivor

I have to overlook Joshie sometimes when she gets carried away with her hello kitty routine. It's part of her trickery to keep attention away from the heavy beard that keeps growing under her chin. I think she should just allow it to grow long and go naturally white. That way she could drape it up on top of her head and wear kitty tales. With those cute button eyes of hers someone might want to take her home to play with her like those very popular Lapa Loosa dolls that are the rage this toy season.


----------



## beccachow

SS confused Llasa Apso and Lapa Loosa. She keeps trying to take the doll out for a walk on the leash and gets angry when it won't walk. She also is realising that she can no longer blame her rug...ummm...accidents on the Llasa Apso/Lapa Loosa.


----------



## Heritagefarm

BCCCC is hooking batteries on her Lasa Apsa and experimenting with bombs.


----------



## Joshie

HeritageFarm gained 500 lbs today.


----------



## beccachow

A pox on Soulsurvivor...I was reading this thread with my 5 year old daughter looking over and she saw the LaLa Stoopidsies dolls and began with, "I want ALL of those." A POX, I say.

Joshie is jealous of the 500 pounds gained by HF as she is so thin that she needs to keep her arms out when crossing a hardwood floor to keep from falling in the cracks.


----------



## Minelson

Instead of eating turkey yesterday, Becca ate turkey eggs. She believes it ads more shine to her hair...under arm hair that is. She likes her under arm hair to shine!


----------



## Rick

90 pages I can't hold back any longer..................

Michelle likes to use Becca's underarm hair to floss her teeth.

There, have at me!!!!!!


----------



## soulsurvivor

Minelson is desperate to find out how BCCC grows that pit hair. She's experimenting on herself and has so far only grown one crop of wavy brittle hair that isn't suitable for a knitting needle. I'm going to suggest that Minelson use it as a latch hook project and make a coir mat. I have owned a coir mat but it had to be kept outside to avoid all the shedding of fibers getting in the cracks of my indoor hardwood flooring. Joshie might want one of these mats indoors since she's lost so much weight. 

ok beccachow, I received that POX and raise you a LOSS OF PIT HAIR... now go stir that with your knitting needles. Actually, I know that all your knitting needles are in use now anchoring down various bug bodies that you have stabbed into submission. I'm slightly bored this morning while awaiting my fresh apple pie to finish baking... ho hum.


----------



## soulsurvivor

aha! Rick smelled my pie!

Rick has been lurking while on the search for some after holiday leftovers. He's already planning on how to floss away the evidence. Just a small tip but don't worry about finding any pit floss at BCCC's location. She's been cursed with pit balding.


----------



## beccachow

Minelson, Rick, all of you poor, deluded people, my pit hair is, in fact, glorious and flowing. I braid it daily, then cross the braids over my head so people think I have more hair on my head. 

Do NOT eat Soulsurvivor's pie. She is using horse apples instead of regular apples. I was only kidding when I suggested it to her, I never thought she would really be THAT...ummm...misguided.


----------



## soulsurvivor

What's a horse apple?. . . no, really, spell it out for me because I think horse apples are the best apples that grow near the top of the tree and you have to be on a horse to reach them. I'd use a giraffe, but there don't seem to be any in this location.

It's been said that you can rule a nation when you learn their language.


----------



## beccachow

SS is, by her own rules, the ruler of Babble-onia.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Beccachow is still fleeing the government in the case of the Becca Chow. She's trying to hoard more Beccas in her plots to take over the world. She plans on creating a breed of Beccas that reproduces so fast it would take over the world in a matter of days. Her Becca Chow is made with horse tail hair.


----------



## beccachow

Heritage Farm is sipping some early season egg nog. Quite a bit of it, I suspect.


----------



## soulsurvivor

HeritageFarm sniffs out everything:
http://www.wimp.com/homeresidents


----------



## Nellie

[url said:


> http://www.wimp.com/homeresidents[/url]


Now we know what SoulSurvivor had for Thanksgiving. I had no idea rattlesnake and cranberry sauce go good together.


----------



## beccachow

Nellie, I swore I wouldn't tell about YOUR Thanksgiving dinner. 

I arrived fashionably early at Nellie's house (ok, I camped out on her porch at midnight Thanksgiving eve)(calling the police was really overkill, in my opinion). She finally let me in, sweating and covered in grime, for the big feast. I snapped a quick picture:


----------



## Joshie

Minelson shared a picture she took of BCCC before the cops came to get her when BCCC showed up on her door Thanksgiving.


----------



## soulsurvivor

good gracious Joshie, couldn't you have found a smaller picture to post? That picture is like being smacked in the face on Christmas. That mess of cheap glass you have sitting on your nose needs to be magnified or demagnified or somethin'. 

Excuse me. I gotta go look at more pleasant things:
http://www.wimp.com/pattycake

well, ok, the stress of the holidays is making its debut. Where's the peace and love? Helloooo, looking for peace and love here.


----------



## Joshie

That looks like my missing kitty. Oh, no, it also looks like my other missing kitty. HeritageFarm told me he saw them at your fine dining restaurant. What did you do to them?!?!?!


----------



## Heritagefarm

Yes... That was the most delicious ca - err, beef steak I've had in a while! I've hired Zong to go cat hunting for me. I prefer the tabby ones, they go over well with a side of carrots.


----------



## beccachow

HF went down a well on a slide of carrots.


----------



## Joshie

BCCC put a bunch of butter on that carrot slide. I've never seen orange and red carrots before. HeritageFarm is now called Carrot Top.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie, I double dial speckle wrap promise that I haven't seen your kitties. It does sound as though HeritageFarm has a clue where they may be, so you need to ask him where your kitties are. 

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some friends that are going to show me a new way to play in my pool:
http://www.wimp.com/poolfluid


----------



## Heritagefarm

They're in my bel - err, bellfry that is. Yeah, the bellfry. I own an abbey, ya see, a big one, so, yeah, that's where I seen um last. In the fryi - err, friars arms.... Hehehe!


----------



## soulsurvivor

HeritageFarm, you must be closer to me than I thought. I'm only about 10 miles as the crow flies from the Abbey of Gethsemani at Trappist Ky.
http://www.monks.org/index.html

They take online prayer requests:
http://www.monks.org/prayerrequests.asp

They also were the home of Fr Thomas Merton, for those that are familiar with his writings/publications. 

And they sell really good fruitcake and cheese. 
http://www.gethsemanifarms.org

You're a lucky person to own an abbey HeritageFarm. They can pray for you everytime you lie.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Googness, SS, did you really think I was lying? Every time they pray for me when I li - err, tell the truth, because we're just that way, I can smell your perfume from here. It smells like roses and monk...eys. Hm, maybe I should put this mead away...


----------



## soulsurvivor

I don't know HeritageFarm what to believe. Did you know that elephants can fly? ....oh, ok, the Dumb...o....thing, been there and done that. Ok, did you know that elephants can paint?

http://www.wimp.com/elephantpaints


----------



## beccachow

Soulsurvivor is a talking tree.


----------



## soulsurvivor

So I'm a talking tree in the middle of the forest and when I speak everyone listens. Hey, where'd everybody go? Hellooooooooooooo......

shoot, gotta entertain myself again...

http://www.wimp.com/octopusmimic


----------



## beccachow

SS drinks repeatedly to fall, to see if anyone can hear her.


----------



## Guest

beccachow is always putting down drinking because she's a lobbyist for SPUYABOSH(smoke pot until you're a big old silly head). AND a narc. AND a big old silly head. Which goes without saying, so, I DIDN'T SAY IT. She thinks us drunks are just turkey necks on the big plate of life's leftovers. Er, I mean, ya'll drunks.


----------



## Joshie

Zong is a big ole turkey. Hey, what cha guys eatin' fer Christmas dinner?


----------



## beccachow

Joshie sells sea shells down by the sea shore.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Beccachow ate my Christmas turkey. I have my army of attack turkeys after her and her Becca lab now.


----------



## pattycake

Becca did not eat your turkey. She told her guests that it was a homegrown bird but what she really served was the Thanksgiving meal that Kroger sold for $39.99. It was a fully cooked turkey, dressing and two sides. There wasn't really enough to go around so she claimed she wasn't hungry.


----------



## beccachow

pattycake, where have you BEEN? Did that nasty old candlestick maker finally set you free?


----------



## Heritagefarm

Beccachow ate pattycake's old candlestick maker. Next, I'll hire her to eat these coyotes that keep bugging the neighbors...


----------



## soulsurvivor

Eating meat with too many gristles? Go find HeritageFarm. He'll eat anything.

Need a way to bake a cake as fast as you can? Go find pattycake. She'll bake you a cake in no time flat.

Need a pair of spy eyes to keep track of the meds? Go find zong. He's tuned to all things glass-eyed.

Have a problem keeping up with your kitties? Go find Joshie. She's out looking for hers and may see yours.

Do you have a problem with hearing your husband or wife yelling for you? Go find beccachow. She can hear trees fall in the forest.

Bored to tears? Oh honey I feel for ya. Me too. Come watch some wingsuit flying with me:
http://www.wimp.com/wingsuitflying


----------



## beccachow

Sousurvivor collects insect carcasses. The older and more dried up they are, the more she likes them.


----------



## soulsurvivor

yea, well beccachow wants to collect insect carcasses and the newer and juicier they are the better. Stinkbugs love the smell of peppermint. . . not!!

Sing to the tune "I'm A Little Teapot":

I'm a little stinkbug
Short and stout
Come flip me over
Hear me shout.

When the sun's a shining
Watch me fry
That can't be tears a falling
As I die.

here's another sung to the tune "On Top of Old Smokey"

On top of old stinkbug
All ugly in gray
I lost my mind as
I hit it with spray.

I watched in amazement
As it turned tail and ran
And left me with bug scent
All over my hands.

I'm an incredible wealth of song writing talent and I'll be happy to write more for you BCCC if you want.


----------



## Guest

Soulsurvivor made me promise not to tell, but since he's already, er, exposed himself as a songwriter, I'll go on and tell that he was the songwriter and lead flatulist for my disco band, Huh? He wrote our biggest hit "Listen to your Farter" which brought tears to the eyes of audiences everywhere.


----------



## beccachow

OK, SS, that was pretty funny, lol.

Zong. What can I say about Zong that your mother didn't already warn you about? he is a bank-robbing, car stealing, liqour drinking, chain smoking dope dealer that dallies with his adult night club on the side. Really. I wouldn't lie. You can believe me. Honestly. Cross my heart.


----------



## soulsurvivor

You've heard of people wearing rose colored glasses cause their world's so bright? BCCC has to wear gray colored glasses cause her world's so full of stinkbugs. She's a big fan of zong's band HuH? and has every hit single in her personal collection. Her favorite relaxing thing to do is put on the music of HuH? and recline in her lift chair and sip a mint julep and ever so often blowing a little fire out her pipes.

Listen to Your Farter Not Your Mutter
to the tune of "Camp Town Races":

Listen to your farter and not your mutter
do dah, do dah
One's a smelling and one's a yelling
Oh do dah day

Going to wine all night
Going to whine all day
Bet my money on a BCC nag
Oh do dah day.


----------



## Bruenor

Wow, this thread is still around?

soulsurvivor is not actually the sole survivor. Bruenor is, and he's back on HT. (Hi everyone, miss me?)


----------



## beccachow

Welcome back, Bruenor. I am so glad you got away from that band of insane cannibals. Of course, they tried to talk you into the pot of water by promising it to be a nice warm bath; they couldn't have known the last time you bathed was Julyuary 34, 1920.


----------



## Bruenor

Of course they didn't know that beccachow. You're the only one who knew that because you were there offering to scrub my back.


----------



## clovis

Bruenor said:


> Wow, this thread is still around?
> 
> soulsurvivor is not actually the sole survivor. Bruenor is, and he's back on HT. (Hi everyone, miss me?)


Welcome back, Bruenor.

How was prison?


----------



## Bruenor

Horrible. They played Lady Gaga music non stop, we ate fried Spam for lunch every day, and they wouldn't let me wear my Elvis outfit for talent night. But at least I got a chance to practice my dance moves.

[YOUTUBE]e8WXvt5DRwI[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## soulsurvivor

:lock1: Hey there Bruenor! Almost didn't recognize you with your ponytail and tube top. Lookin' good!


----------



## Bruenor

soulsurvivor, you should have recognized me. You were dancing right next to me. Remember, it was after you were thrown in jail for fighting with that Little League team.


----------



## pattycake

I knew that Bruenor was serving some time for fraud as he was panhandling with a sign that said "A country boy needs to survive, will work for food" while he was living the easy life in a high rise, high rent district but I had no ideas that Soul was part of that too! Shame!


----------



## Bruenor

pattycake was part of the scam as well, the ring leader actually, but was going under the pseudo name of pattybrownie at the time.


----------



## beccachow

It was actualy patty's famous special brownies that kept every one in jail quiet. Oddly hungry all the time, but quiet.


----------



## pattycake

Beccachow is so lying. Everyone knows that Pattycake goes by Pattycake Cupcake when I am undercover. That is just another baseless lie when she tires to tie my name to brownies!!


----------



## soulsurvivor

:umno: Pattycake Cupcake? I laugh. You're Betinkle Sprinkle and you hang out with that Lapa Loosa cute button-eyed doll gang that Joshie has taken up with. Terror-rising good folks like BCCC into buying your lotsa stup-e-dough stuff for little folks re-education into the imaginary world of looking sweet equals being sweet. We're all onto your crafty scams. :nono:


----------



## beccachow

I have been drinking ALMOST enough for that last post to make sense. Perhaps another drink...or 20...or a keg...poor SS, when she gets that speech impediment thing going, she is so pitiful. My mom used to say her tongue got in the way of her eyetooth and she couldn't see what she was saying.

Let's just humor her, ok?

Yes, SS, whatever you say, dear.


----------



## pattycake

This will be the last post for awhile for Beccachow. She has been admitted to twelve step program and will be away for at least 90 days.


----------



## Joshie

Pattycake is running in circles trying to catch her tail.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Leave it to Joshie to repeat everything and reduce it to the simplest of terms. She's such a mimic. Reminds me of a lyre bird:

http://www.wimp.com/lyrebirdsounds


----------



## beccachow

I was booted from the 12 step program because I kept falling down the steps. Ironic, I know. But when I came out, to my surprise...I was back in Wretched Falls. Soulsurvivor was feeding dinner to the poor residents...something called a Lyre Bird. It kept peeping "Don't eat me" most pathetically. Sad day at Wretched Falls.


----------



## soulsurvivor

well blink yourself back to the real world cause Wretched Falls was a figment of someone's imagination. 

BCCC, I found out where the stinkbugs might be coming from:
http://www.wimp.com/bughighway


----------



## pattycake

I can only wish that this is a figment of my imagination when I tell you the latest about Soulsurvivor. She was found impersonating a Bell Ringer for the Salvation Army. She somehow bought herself a kettle on E-Bay and took it from there. She had taken in quite a bit of money before the store manager at Wal-Mart questioned her since they had not allowed bell ringers for the past couple of years. I know that desperate people do desperate things but Soul doesn't really need the money. She just likes the thrill of it.


----------



## Joshie

SS and BCCC just got back from visiting pattycake in the hokey. It seems that she made kettle corn in the Salvation Army's donation kettle one too many times.


----------



## soulsurvivor

The real Joshie has been missing for quite awhile. Rumor is that she was playing a game of I Spy and lost herself. She needs to stay with the safer games such a Pick Up Sticks or UNO.


----------



## beccachow

SoulSurvivor actually wears an eye patch from a sad little game of pick-up-sticks gone horribly wrong. I was there, I wouldn't lie.


----------



## soulsurvivor

yes, and beccachow runs with Pick Up Sticks.


----------



## pattycake

SoulSurvivor is finally posting so she can try and take the attention off herself. She was caught in her Salvation Army Kettle scheme and she is taking revenge by telling any little kid that she passes that there is no Santa Claus.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Actually I'm sitting here trying to read by propping up my good eyelid with a toothpick. I'm so sleepy and I don't have any strength to fool with someone's big bucket. So pattycake, I noticed that the msn homepage had your video on front and center today:

http://www.wimp.com/pattycake

That deserves a "Happy Holidays".


----------



## Joshie

SS has cat scratch fever. 

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nW8S58CYQqs[/ame]


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie has a mean kitty.

[YOUTUBE]Qit3ALTelOo[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## Joshie

SS genetically engineers a new type of kitties. She injects Ninja DNA into kitty embryos to make psycho kitties. Of course, she didn't tell this to me before she gave me the kitty. I didn't need any more kittens so I gave mine to HeritageFarm and he made that video. I never would have guessed that he's a rapper!


----------



## beccachow

Joshie, he's not a rapper...he's a WRAPPER. Like, in the mall at Christmas time? And I suggest you ask him why the package he wrapped for you is ticking. Just sayin.

PS: I will be moving faaaar away from Joshie after last year's exploding Christams Tree event. There were doves, and reindeer...white feathers and antlers scattered all over my yard...(shudders at the memory). Don't ask about the nativity scene. I didn't know that plastic sheep could fly that high.


----------



## Joshie

BCCC is a bit confused. She thinks she's Santa Claus. You should have seen her riding those flying plastic sheep. I've yet to figure out why she put fireworks under those poor sheep.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie and BCCC are why the reindeer games have been cancelled again this year. Homesland Secures has issued an all points bulletin that has this area labelled as a red zone for possible nose glow and rattlin the sheep's calm demeanor. Rudolph and his bunch are heading back up north before the security pat downs begin at the North Pole.


----------



## Joshie

Soulsurvivor has frequently been confused for Rudolph because of her bright, red nose that goes "GNOINK." Her nose used to GP "HONK" but since BCCC shot her in the nose with that arrow it's not sounded the same. &#10164;


----------



## beccachow

Joshie gave the TSA agent at the airport her number and asked him to call her.


----------



## Bruenor

beccachow was caught at the same airport downloading pictures from the x-ray machine.


----------



## soulsurvivor

BCCC went to the cereal factory and turned a bunch of meal larvae loose. Watch your Cherrios very carefully. I found one of her little meal worms in my bowl of cereal today and I'm still gagging. We may have to start calling her for advice on handling worms.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Bruenor, I bet that's why BCCC is releasing all the worms. She's devised a plot to confuse the xray interpretation. I'll bet they're going to start demanding that everyone gets wormed before boarding planes now. How devious can you get? That would be BCCC, short for Before Culture Came Chaos.

You got worms Bruenor?


----------



## beccachow

Man is THAT where the lizard's mealworms went? I couldn't get the little varmint to eat his Froot Loops. 

Bruenor, SS is just mad because before the "Got Milk" thing came to be so big, she tried it with "Got Worms?" and never understood why it didn't catch on.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Yes I am upset that the "Got Worms" didn't catch on. I worked a long time on that advertising layout with Bill Dance and having him give instructions on how to use worms for fishing. I can't help it if he's a klutz.

[YOUTUBE]xKp1LwQUV7o[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## Joshie

SS fed that poor little girl some worms.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Worms are actually quite delicious when prepared correctly.

http://www.wimp.com/preparegnocchi


----------



## Joshie

SS wears a dress and a wig made out of worms.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Admit it Joshie. You got a masters degree in how to annoy people didn't you? Here's the evidence of Joshie's new parttime job:

http://www.wimp.com/janitorrevenge


----------



## beccachow

SS and I went on a great trip through a little Wildlife Park at the local zoo. I WARNED her not to feed the animals.












Co-incidentally, SS now has a hatred of monkeys. Think it's related?


----------



## soulsurvivor

Clearly, that's not me driving. It's BCCC and she was ranting at that one baboon to stop eating her edible panties.


----------



## pattycake

In the midst of our winter storm last evening I heard a howling sound that I assumed was the wind blowing thru the pine trees. Discovered later that it was SS making the noise in her attempt to frighten me out of ever posting on this thread again.


----------



## beccachow

And she would have succeeded, if it weren't for you meddling kids.

Hey, it worked the first time.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Ice storm heading this way. Quick beccachow, get over here and blow your hot air. Did you all know that beccachow doesn't need a corn popper? Yep, she blows on it and pops every last kernel. 

She's something and even blow dries her own hair by sticking a piece of vaccum hosing in her mouth and directing the hot air up and around her hair.

BCCC doesn't share many of her hot air secrets cause I think she's still trying to get a patent on some of those, but rumor has it that Al Gore is trying to convince her to go blow some hot air up at the north pole. He's needing some evidence of global warming to keep his career going.


----------



## Nellie

SS wants to shanghai BCCC so that BCCC can "fuel" SS's hot air balloon. The baboons could do it, but they won't cooperate. SS wants to go to Africa and release the baboons back into the wild. Or maybe just go to Jersey.


----------



## Joshie

Nellie is trying to figure out why those guys in the white jackets keep following her around.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I don't think Joshie is color blind but I do think she wasn't taught her colors. She often calls purple as being white. She probably sees HeritageFarm's purple goats, sheep, whatever those are, as following Nellie around everywhere. 

But as with many of us here in rural America, you're liable to see just about anything and call it something else. Living close to the earth does that to you. It's the reason we're all on this liar's thread. It's a comfort zone for us.


----------



## Our Little Farm

SS tried to go to Africa in the hot air balloon, but Joshie was map reading and well, she thought the blue on the map was land and the green and brown was sea that was polluted. I think they were last heard heading for the Island used for in Lost. Hope the smoke monster does not get them. (Rumors have it that Nellie is the smoke monster. )


----------



## soulsurvivor

Hi there OLF! Long time no see see here! 

hmmm, you been watching reruns of West Wing? Did you know this about the world maps?

http://www.wimp.com/scalemaps

Kinda blows me wittle mind....


----------



## Our Little Farm

Blows my mind a little too, but I loved it. Like I need something else to think about.....LOL


----------



## Our Little Farm

Soulsurvivor is gently going to infiltrate our minds with distorted images and change the ways we have been thinking for centuries. It is a plan of control and is so far working. Beccachow was the first person targeted. I have my tin foil hat on, so think I am safe.


----------



## Joshie

Our Little Farm's real name is Little Bo Peep. She stole SS's sheep because she had a hankerin' for lamb chops.


----------



## Joshie

SS has run out of ideas for cooking Little Bo Peep's sheep.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie has figured out the whole space time continuum thing. She managed to post a post AFTER she posted a post, before she posted it. Yeah,I know. So Joshie, is this thread still going strong in the year 2015?


----------



## soulsurvivor

BCCC is the one that thinks she's a time traveler. She's here in this thread trying to find her way back to 2015. She claims that she's a multi zillionaire that boarded the wrong spaceship and ended up here. 

I know all this because I'm her confi-don'tell and have been sworn to upmost secrecy. BCCC's plight is that she was taking a 3 hour tour and ended up on a 5 year sinker.

Did you know that Target in 2015 is known as Get Tar? Yep, they sell themselves as truth in advertising and pawn a few guitars as a business front. 

Walmart is known as Mart Wal and sells speech aids for the tongue tied populace. 

LandsEnd is known as End Lands and sells products like Exit Cor for dispersal on oceans. 

According to BCCC everything in 2015 is sas ackwards. It's why she's had such communication difficulties with her horses and why they all end up going backwards. They're only trying their best to obey BCCC's backward speech communications.

So, if beccachow comes in your back door saying "good bye", accept that she's trying to fit in here and welcome her in for a cool cup of coffee. Poor thing is broke and needs all the friends she can get.


----------



## Joshie

SS has been drinking way too much egg nog and eating too much fruitcake. You know, you are what you eat!


----------



## DenMacII

Wiki-leaks is reporting that Joshie hacked into Santa's mainframe at the North Pole and switched all the naughty names to nice and nice names to naughty. 

She knew this was the only way for her to get more than a lump of coal this year. 

An arrest warrant has been issued, but since no one has extradition treaties with the North Pole it's not likely she'll face any hard time in the Ice Cave.

Glen Beck will be chalk boarding just how she pulled it off tonight in a special must-see documentary.


----------



## beccachow

Look, I am not one to talk, but DenMac...really...your candy cane casserole is a bust. I know I said I enjoy it, but it was awful.


----------



## soulsurvivor

oh, but our cheering you on didn't help? Didn't you hear us cheering you on? Chew Becca, ChewBecca, ChewBecca....
It was kinda gritty.


----------



## pattycake

Maybe the candy cane casserole wasn't to your taste but SS chocolate covered cherry cordial casserole was just too much! I am all for keeping with the season but really!! My throat still hurts from the one bite I took.


----------



## Guest

pattycake said:


> Maybe the candy cane casserole wasn't to your taste but SS chocolate covered cherry cordial casserole was just too much! I am all for keeping with the season but really!! My throat still hurts from the one bite I took.


Maybe you shouldn't have tried to swallow a watermelon sized piece of the chocolate covered cherry cordial casserole without chewing first. Pattycake. Besides, we all know your secret agenda is to promote your own namesake creation, Pattycake's Peppermint Patty Cake.


----------



## soulsurvivor

That's cause you took a whole bite. You should have only eaten half a bite. That wasn't no cherry cordial. It's moonshine balls. A tiny little goes a long long way. I told you it had licker in it.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Hey zong! Long time no see see you here either! Yea, I think PP is trying too hard with that food critique stuff. She knows which side of the butter her toast goes on.

zong, what you doing for Christmas?


----------



## Guest

After I fly around the world leaving gifts, I'm gonna kick back for a couple hours, then get started on Next years big day. Did you enjoy your solar powered pogo stick last year?? A strange request from a little Soulsurvivor.... You wouldn't lie to old Sandy Claws about being a small child having to pogo 10 miles to school each day, would you??


----------



## soulsurvivor

uh, yea, about that "pogo stick"....
I didn't ask for this:









I asked for this:









So, could we "try" again this year?
I'll be sure to leave the good green stuff on your cookie plate.


----------



## Heritagefarm

SS actually invented that... object. After all those excessive tattoos (that the ADF (AdministratÃ¬Ã´n del Drugs 'n' Fodder) and has now, of course, banned (and just to make all this parentheses stuff even more confusing), her/his legs had to be removed with heart bypass surgery... The docter was drunk. So, she set to work, made that... object, and is now a zillionaire with electronic legs and a time-travel machine, going around imposing as BCCCCCCCCCCCC.


----------



## soulsurvivor

good-ness HeritageFarm, whatever are you trying to spit out there? Go and admit it. You been hitting them licker balls again aren't you?


----------



## Joshie

Children run screaming from SS. Whenever they play with a ball (tennis ball, football, baseball, bouncy ball, etc.) SS comes up and licks their balls. They get all sticky with her spit. Really, SS, you should stop!


----------



## beccachow

OK, I am not even going there but I am helplessly laughing with the obvious retorts to the last post...

next??


----------



## beccachow

Still laughing...


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie said:


> Children run screaming from SS. Whenever they play with a ball (tennis ball, football, baseball, bouncy ball, etc.) SS comes up and licks their balls. They get all sticky with her spit. Really, SS, you should stop!


Joshie, you're just pitiful. You know I ain't got no spit to spare. I have to ask you to come over and lick my envelopes for me. I didn't think we'd ever get through that stack of Christmas cards and I certainly hope no one thinks that purple spit belongs to me. You did drink about a gallon of grape juice as a spit refresher. Oh, and ChewBaccaBecca, your Christmas card doesn't have purple stain on it. I made certain I licked that one special for you. It looks like brown, but it's really fudge. Enjoy!


----------



## beccachow

I am speechless. Just for a few minutes...


----------



## Joshie

SS gagged BCCC with a purple spit_ball!_ BCCC is now drooling purple spit.


----------



## beccachow

Ahem, ok I am settled down now, thanks to the tranquilizer Joshie slipped into my drink. It took me most of the day to escape from that whacky Circus she sold me to. I could not convince them I wasn't a clown since Joshie used permanent marker to draw clown makeup on my face. Yeah, funny funny joke, Joshie, real funny.


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow said:


> Ahem, ok I am settled down now, thanks to the tranquilizer Joshie slipped into my drink. It took me most of the day to escape from that whacky Circus she sold me to. I could not convince them I wasn't a clown since Joshie used permanent marker to draw clown makeup on my face. Yeah, funny funny joke, Joshie, real funny.


Really BCCC, so sorry to hear of this and this being so close to Christmas and all. . . anyway you can kinda "tweak" your face to look more....oh, I don't know, maybe mistletoe kissable? I think Joshie's been hitting the pine nuts a little too much. Those always bring out her crazy side.


----------



## Joshie

Hate to break this to you, BCCC, but SS tattooed that clown makeup on your face. We all think you look mighty purty. She seems to be flush with money lately. I heard her talking to zong the other day, saying that she was the one who sold you to the circus. I kinda wish I'd thought of it. 

I was able to snap this picture when BCCC wasn't looking.


----------



## beccachow

I would have been fine with that, it was the fact that Joshie STAPLED the flower to my head. That smarts.


----------



## Heritagefarm

At least you used SS's magically safe Head Stapler Unto Skull (HSUS). That makes it much better. After all, she could have used one of those pneumatic 500 horsepower staple guns.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie said:


> Hate to break this to you, BCCC, but SS tattooed that clown makeup on your face. We all think you look mighty purty. She seems to be flush with money lately. I heard her talking to zong the other day, saying that she was the one who sold you to the circus. I kinda wish I'd thought of it.
> 
> I was able to snap this picture when BCCC wasn't looking.


ahhhh, ain't she cute? Looks like a Pinky Twinkie! :icecream:


----------



## soulsurvivor

Heritagefarm said:


> At least you used SS's magically safe Head Stapler Unto Skull (HSUS). That makes it much better. After all, she could have used one of those pneumatic 500 horsepower staple guns.


Whatever in the world have they put into your egg noggin? You having them bad dreams again? Poor thing, you need some rest.


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow said:


> I would have been fine with that, it was the fact that Joshie STAPLED the flower to my head. That smarts.


Well, stop sitting still for that pain. It's not needed. Come on and go snow flying with me:
http://www.wimp.com/eversnowboarded

Turn up the volume and jive with me and K'naan and "take a minute" to enjoy this life....


----------



## beccachow

I suspect if I am going to continue hanging with this crowd, I need to consume more alcohol. Lots more alcohol.


----------



## Joshie

SS asked BCCC for a pickle. BCCC got pickled instead.


----------



## soulsurvivor

The Girl Scouts are safe for another year. Joshie volunteered for The Goat Scouts:

[YOUTUBE]b4_EdJ-XkUA[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## beccachow

OMGosh, I just want to die from the cuteness!

I would like to tell one truth here, and it is this:

I (and the whole beccachow ranch) wish all my fellow liars the safest and warmest holiday wishes. This has been so much fun, and I hope to keep it going next year as well. I have loved "meeting" all of my liars. Merry Christmas!


----------



## Guest

Talk about your cute!!! Beccachow is trying to blackmail me using this picture of me wearing nothing but galoshas!! Hah! That ain't me, it's my twin brother!!!


----------



## pattycake

How sad that Zong has to post a picture of his twin brother when we all know that Zong wears two pig leg prosthesis and thinks we don't know! Sometime Zong should tell all about how the legs were lost.

Time out too as I also want to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all the fellow liars. May God be with us in the coming year!


----------



## mnn2501

Pattycake always hides behind the couch to wait and catch Santa as he delivers gifts, but she always falls asleep just before he gets there.


----------



## pattycake

Mnn stays awake doing the same because he takes No-Doze. I try to shy away from things like that but if it works for him then I guess it is okay with me. I would like to see Santa tho.


----------



## beccachow

pattycake kidnapped mnn and zong and stuffed 'em in Santa's sack when he wasn't looking. There will be a very disappointed child, and two adults with a lot of explaining to do in the morning.

And that piggie is tooooooo cute.


----------



## Joshie

Santa was so mad with BCCC for tricking her poor daughter into think that she could hear Rudolph that he gave her a lump of coal. He's thinking of taking even that back tonight.


----------



## beccachow

I caught Joshie, dressed in a red suit, trying to steal my lump of coal. What up with THAT, girl?


----------



## Our Little Farm

Don't worry Becky, Joshie does not know that it was not coal. Rudolph needs some prune juice


----------



## Joshie

OLF made her family's secret recipe Christmas pound cake and handed it out on Christmas day. BCCC and SS discovered, to their dismay, that her secret ingredient was prune juice. They're still _stuck_ in the bathroom.


----------



## soulsurvivor

OLF tricked me into eating that friendship cake of hers. It was delicious and I shouldn't have eaten that 4th helping that I was supposed to be taking to Joshie. So, sorry about that Joshie. If you want me to I can make you one of my special cakes and bring to you. How does turtle cheesecake sound? :benice:


----------



## Joshie

The main problem with SS's special turtle cheesecake is that she uses Red Eared Sliders.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I don't like Red Eared Sliders. They're entirely too much trouble to take care of and they're too tiny to use as a meat source.

I'm talking this kind of turtle:









Use same basic ingredients to make this:









So, you want one or not?


----------



## pattycake

Looks delicious for sure but I would never take a bite! SS wants to lure us in to thinking we are having a well known dessert but what she really uses is creek turtle meat that she has dehydrated and saved for this special occasion. Just say, thanks but no thanks.


----------



## beccachow

Beccachow has just fallen into a diabetic coma after just LOOKING at the stuff that SS and Joshie were trying to feed her. Sadly, pattycake rolled her and took her wallet while she lay unconscious.


----------



## Joshie

Beccachow says that those brown spots on her backside are chocolate chips but we all know better.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Our Little Farm said:


> Don't worry Becky, Joshie does not know that it was not coal. Rudolph needs some prune juice


:hysterical:



Joshie said:


> Beccachow says that those brown spots on her backside are chocolate chips but we all know better.


Joshie makes manure tea from her sheep berries and serves it to her guests. I wondered what was in that tea...


----------



## beccachow

Heritagefarm kidnapped baby New Year and won't let him go. We will be stuck in 2010...forever.


----------



## Joshie

BCCC trapped SS in 2010. Now, SS isn't complaining. She insists she's blonde, buxom, and 19 and that will never change. She will resist any attempt at a rescue.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie and I are doing an experiment with time. We're sitting very very still and trying to not let time slip through our fingers. I've managed to lose entire days and I'm afraid to ask Joshie what she's lost....

2011 is really the least of my worries. I'm still trying to find yesterday. Maybe Google Earth can help me:

http://www.wimp.com/unusualplaces


----------



## beccachow

Ha ha, very funny, SS. You saved time in a bottle, and mailed it to me...and when I opened the bottle *poof* I am now 312 years old, bald, and hump backed. Gee, thanks, real funny practical joke. Now fix it.


----------



## Guest

beccachow said:


> Ha ha, very funny, SS. You saved time in a bottle, and mailed it to me...and when I opened the bottle *poof* I am now 312 years old, bald, and hump backed. Gee, thanks, real funny practical joke. Now fix it.


Oh, Becca, always bragging. I guess you can't help it if you're lucky.


----------



## clovis

I just got off the phone with zong.

He's depressed.

Again.

You see, he has been looking forward to the Christmas holidays so much. Now that they are over, he's not going to be able to crash any parties for the sole reason of stealing toilet paper out of people's bathrooms. 

He started crying when I mentioned that Easter is just around the corner, and he replied "that is months away, and now I am stuck stealing it from the church and the truck stop down the road. Those places don't keep the soft stuff like home owners do."


----------



## soulsurvivor

:gossip: shhh, be very very quiet... I'm mixin up a potion to make BCCC into a beauty babe. :stirpot: One too many little shake rattle and rolls will upset the fine balance of this highly secret fountain of youth formula. It came straight from the master elixier mixer, ZuZu TitTit, who we all know as zong, and he informs me that this elixier has to be made following the most strict of chemo combinations. 

And BCCC, for goodness sakes, read the fine print this time. Here's some proof for you. Meet Audrianna Cole, new and upcoming singing sensation. You'd never guess she's really 115 years old:
[YOUTUBE]WMl88UBLa-c[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## soulsurvivor

Clovis, do like me. Keep hitting the replay button. It all finally works itself out. We could all learn a lot from a wood frog:
http://www.wimp.com/woodfrogs


----------



## Rick

Here are Clove and Soul Survivor performing in Nashville.......

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONvosTPydF0&feature=related[/ame]


----------



## Joshie

SS's fingers are long and scraggly and she's hunch backed from way too many hours spent looking up videos. That's bad enough but now she's got Rick doing it too. He is emulating her every move and manner of dress. He's confused the manner of dress with a dress. 

Rick, next time you wear the pink tutu please shave your armpits and chest. The braided body hair is turning stomaches.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Rick said:


> Here are Clove and Soul Survivor performing in Nashville.......
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONvosTPydF0&feature=related


oh, I wish I could see them. I love Sam and Ruby. They did a video with Audrianna last year and recorded it in Ruby's living room:
[YOUTUBE]2GCPME_PkoU[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie said:


> SS's fingers are long and scraggly and she's hunch backed from way too many hours spent looking up videos.


ok, ok, but I have this set of froggie ear buds that makes everything sound so great! If you have ear buds, stick them in your ears and give this a listen. It's the "Heaven's My Home" song by Sam and Ruby, just the music, no video:
[YOUTUBE]H0_FgDzsR7s&feature=related[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## Joshie

SS went to Dr. BCCCC for chest enhancement surgery because she wanted to hook a man. What SS didn't realize is that BCC is a podiatrist who is doing research trials on foot digit transplantation.

SS was shocked at first but now her "enhancement" is growing on her. She has 13 new toes all over her chest. They certainly do make men stare.


----------



## TwosCompany

Joshie felt so bad for SS that she made her a new garment--a toe bra! It was hard sewing all those little toe covers onto that Playtex, but it was worth it to see SS's eyes light up when she realized ALL of her toes would be warm.


----------



## soulsurvivor

yea, I'm all grateful and everything, but the little piggies still go wee wee wee all the way home.... :1pig:


----------



## beccachow

Speaking of going wee wee all the way home, SS your order of extra heavy duty Depends was delievered to my house by mistake.


----------



## soulsurvivor

For goodness sakes BCCC, you know our delivery driver thinks you're smokin hot. What about all those fake boxed rocks he wraps and delivers to you just on the off chance he'll see you in your pink princess underwear? rincess: He's smitten with you and you know it.


----------



## pattycake

Get real SS! You are teasing Becca with that hot thing. The delivery guy knows that Becca has tried to order her Depends in a thong style and it is just not available. After seeing her in her princess underwear with the Depends showing you know he is not interested.


----------



## soulsurvivor

well hey and howdy there pattycake. I thought they had your prison work crew out there counting the dead birds and fishies. So tell me, how many could you count up to?


----------



## pattycake

Oh Soul, Why bring this up publicly? Everyone knows that I am the Warden where you are serving your time. I was able to count the pitiful amt that you turned in. You could have done a better job if you weren't so concerned with trying to make your orange jump suit look sexy. Those men you were trying to impress are deadbeats but that is the only type of man that you are interested in!


----------



## Joshie

SS is the Game Warden, not you PC. You're so PC that you don't want SS to let anyone shoot any game. You're still mad about the BCCC incident where she shot you in the backside


----------



## pattycake

Joshie is so delusional that she automatically thinks "Warden" means Game Warden. Joshie is so in denial about her bff that she refuses to acknowledge all the crimes that Soul is doing time for. Please don't hate me because I was appointed Warden by the Governor!


----------



## Joshie

Poor, poor pattycake. I didn't want to have to tell you but while the "governor" made you "warden" of an institution it wasn't a correctional facility. By the way, you look absolutely lovely in that new white shirt. Just one question, though. Why are your arms crossed like that?


----------



## soulsurvivor

Poor poor pattycake
Thinks she's a warden of the state.
We hates to tell her that she's mistaken,
She's a ward of the state and not the warden.
Are the sentences short and simple enough for you to understand hon?
See that nurse over there behind the desk?
Ask her nicely if she'd go get your file and show you why you're a ward of the state.
And please try not to spit on her this time.
What would you like for me and Joshie to bring when we visit you?
And no, it can't be a pink icing cake with a file inside.


----------



## beccachow

Don't tell anyone, but soulsurvivor is...a vegetarian. Does Spam count as a veggie, cause I saw her out back in an alley at a Veggies Anonymous sucking it out of a can. When I asked her, she told me it stood for Spinach Pause, American Meatless! but that just didn't ring true. Her nose grew as she spoke, she said it was the spinach. Her nose has grown so long since this thread started that she impaled herself to a wall in New York City. While she was home, in Kentucky. But you all didn't hear it from me, I hate to speak badly of people. Especially liars.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I dare anyone to eat Spam and tell me it's meat, but that's neither here nor there. I don't even touch the cans. . . well, ok, I do keep one or two cans in the emergency food supply but they're filed under "feeling lucky?". 

beccachow does a mean truffle pate' made from her ongoing collection of dead mashed bugs. Mixed with the local mushrooms she collects, it turns into a magic cracker topping that will fool even the most astute food gourmet. BCCC uses her imagination in providing eye fooling horrid durves on the buffet trays at her parties and celebrations. 

watch out! I wouldn't touch that caviar. I think it's actually those little orange gas pills you can buy over the counter at your local pharmacy. And if you stay at BCCC's house long enough, it's going to finally dawn on you that all her pets are named Lucky. . . :indif:


----------



## Joshie

Since SS last visited BCCC, she's been humming "Plop plop, fizz fizz, oh what a relief it is!"


----------



## beccachow

Yeah. By the way, Lucky the cat went missing last time Joshie was at my house. Oh, and Joshie? Nice calico purse :grumble:.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Freezing temperatures provide the perfect venue for BCCC's freezer art. 










All her attention to bug details has really paid off.


----------



## Joshie

Glad you like my new purse, BCCC. It was a Christmas gift from SS. She told me it was from the possum she shot out back. She told me she dyed the purse 'specially for me.


----------



## beccachow

I will pay one million dollars to someone who can find me a stink-bug-ice sculpture. just sayin'.

Ahem.

Don't try to play dumb with me. I KNOW that coat you were wearing was appaloosa. Gee, I miss that horse.


----------



## Joshie

I really hate to be the one who points this out to you but, BCCC, you stink and that's a bug.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie's new years resolution was to only say nice things about other people. I think she's holding her own and giving it her best shot. I never make resolutions. It's rather difficult to make a resolution when you're already perfect.


----------



## beccachow

Soulsurvivor suffers from a Narcissississsitic problem. When I learn to spell that, she will be in more trouble.


----------



## HorseGirl31

beccachow thinks narcissistic means to ride a horse in a clown costume wearing glow in the dark underwear!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Joshie

HG, your underwear don't belong on your head. They go on the other end. Oh, and you're nowhere near 31 anymore. Heard tell that you're 75, male, live in the city, get your nails done weekly, and have never even seen a horse in real life.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie gets a lot of weird ideas in her head from reading the news headlines but never the entire article. It comes out sounding like the sometimes popular thread here that puts the thread titles together to make a new saying or statement. Kinda like "My chickens are dropping dead" + "Anytime my MIL shows up". Cute, huh. That's what a typical conversation sounds like with Joshie on the other end of it. "Hi Joshie and what do you know new today?" Joshie "did you hear about the fish and birds dropping out of the sky?" + "they're moving them to Australia so they can drown". I'm telling ya, it's just tee totally sad to be on the other end of those little talks.


----------



## Joshie

I just discovered that the old saying, "You are what you eat," is actually true. SS has turned to jello. That wouldn't be nearly half as bad if BCCC hadn't turned the heat up to 89Âº 'cause she's starting to melt. That sticky red stuff on the floor isn't blood, it's SS.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie has five eyes. Two in front, two in back, and she refuses to tell us where the fifth one is. It is most unsettling.


----------



## Joshie

beccachow said:


> Joshie has five eyes. Two in front, two in back, and she refuses to tell us where the fifth one is. It is most unsettling.


I'm watching you with that missing eye, BCCCCCC. I'm really sorry about staring at you but it's impossible not to stare. I mean that purple dotted tutu SS gave you is a bit much. I never knew you could have a high water skirt.


----------



## pattycake

I have just learned, from a reliable source, that many people are acting crazy and saying weird things because they don't know what their sign in anymore. I won't mention any names but feel free to read the six posts that are above mine. I would love to tell these ladies that the planet alignment and reading their horoscope in the daily paper should not define their lives.


----------



## beccachow

Pattycake, I am so glad you are back from the nudist colony.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Pattycake:
"You will find yourself in the twisted vortexted tornado of hurricane-like typhoonal position of indifference. Your level of indifferncailality will reach a level where you might not be able to hold all this water, and may need a bigger bathtub. In the meantime, you become head of a huge corporation and may also receive by mail a stale cookie in an attempt to lure you into paying $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 to help needy children in need who need help, but in reality will go to help La Cu Clair el Del la Evil Person take over the world. Have a good 9-day week!"~Your Fox News Heroscope.


----------



## beccachow

heritagefarm has written EVERY nigererian scam e-mail you have ever received. At first, it was fun...then it became an obsession.


----------



## pattycake

Whatever!!! Heritage Farm has come out swinging due to his cream production going sour due to the economy. He can't even get Wal-Mart to buy from him as the people choice says the Great Value brand of sour cream is better than his.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Pattycake is moving to Illinois, the state that's broke. She's setting up several fortune telling booths just outside the state capitol. It will be similar to the business venture she's got going in California. The lawmakers appreciate the emotional support her fortune telling provides for them. I have it from a reliable source that she only tells them what they want to hear. She also accepts IOUs.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Soulsurvivor:
"You will find yourself a small rock in the middle of a forest. It will speak to you and become your best friend, and help you build a house where the first story is octogontal, the second is tringular, and the third is octahextatyratialtertiery. Your rock will help you create a building where you make a bunch of counterfeit money. By the way, God told me He Wants you to Send me $100,000."~Your... Whatever.


----------



## Joshie

Heritagefarm founded that nudist colony pattycake where likes to vacation. BCCC loves to practice her photography there.


----------



## soulsurvivor

BCCC's photography has been an intimate part of her life. No life event is too small to forever capture on film. Joshie and I worry about her sometimes though, especially when she's endangering herself to get that "perfect shot". Her most recent photographic study of the human form is a perfect case in point. The study is entitled "Hot Cross Buns" and is a compilation of human sunbathing preferences. BCCC is herself a study in skin leather because of all the hours spent on white sand beaches without the proper sun protection. She'd die from embarrassment if she knew Joshie was calling her Old Yellar. 

BCCC, along with many photographers who do it the old way, are crying about the fact that Kodak has stopped all film development of the Kodak 360 Chrome film. Their patent holds and no others can step in and do the film development either. What this decision might do is add some value to old photographs developed with the Kodak 360 Chrome process. 

I'm such a klutz with a camera, but it doesn't stop me from appreciating the magic that happens when photography becomes art. If you're such a soul as I, then this story will give you chills of delight:

http://www.wimp.com/photographernanny

For more information on the Chicago Cultural Center's showing of Vivian Maier's work:
http://www.explorechicago.org/city/...ingVivianMaier_ChicagoStreetPhotographer.html


----------



## Joshie

SS bought the rights to Kodak's 360 Chrome film. She's decided to halt production to build up a great demand for this film. She hopes to make a killing in two years. SS doesn't realize that my hubby, a retired commercial photographer, has been stashing the film in a freezer in our garage.


----------



## beccachow

Along with all those spare body parts.


----------



## soulsurvivor

BCCC is upset because Joshie doesn't have room to store BCCC's little green man in her freezer anymore. Soooo, BCCC is advertising it on Craigslist as a "freebie for the freezer" for anyone interested. I've seen it and it's kinda gross. BCCC has already donated some of its body parts. It's got its left eye missing. Not sure what else as I can't stand to look at it for too long before I start gagging.


----------



## pattycake

Times are hard and I am ashamed to say I knocked on Soul's door this evening (in desperation) and said that me and my family were hungry and needed a little help. She told me to keep on moving on as they had nothing. What about the 6 qts of pinto beans, the 8 lbs of beef stew and the 2 skillets of cornbread?


----------



## Heritagefarm

Pattycake is a telemarketer. She's always telling me about her favorite conversation. (although I have no idea why it is her favorite) It went something like this:
*phone rings*
*Beccachow answers phone* "Hello?"
Patty: Hello, I am with the Telemarketer's Group of People Who Really Want to Sell You a Big Huge Pile of Bullcrap (TGPWRWSYBGPBULLCRAP). Our latest product is a series of extremely high-tech miniature arms that can do just about anything, from plucking your nose hairs, combing your hair, putting lipstick on, clipping your hair, coloring it, spraying it (toxic spray included), curling it, twisting it, and paying your bills - all at the same time, for only $59.99. We include our free BULLCRAP pamphlet to let you reep all the beneficial benefits from your benifitting arms, including maintenence, oiling, touching-up, cumtomizing, and bulldozing. 
Beccachow: Um, well, you know, I really can't, I mean money is kinda tight right now, you know...
Patty: Don't worry. We offer very reasonable loan rates. The loan for this one is a 50% interest loan paid over 1 year compounded daily.
Beccachow: That's a bit much. I really don't know if I can do that.
Patty: I really, need you to buy this! Please, you have to! I'll give you my house! Please, they have these dogs ready to eat me if I don't sell this - No, please, no! *phone cuts out*
Beccachow: Um, he-hello...?
Pattycake: *panting heavily* OK, I got them to leave me alone... for now... Will you buy it?
Beccachow: Of course, of course... My credit card number is ################, verifycation ### and exp date ##/##/#####. How much did you say it was?
Pattycake: $20,000 plus tax, oh and -
*Beccachow faints*


----------



## Joshie

Heritagefarm ate the green eyeballs from BCCC's little green man that pattycake prepared for him and he's now more than a bit touched in the head. 

Pattycake's been a tellin' me that she's got some of them thar vittles fer me.

SS you and I need to run for the hills before she tries to make us part of the vittles!!! :runforhills:


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie, hon, I'm still sitting here tryin to figure out your chicken post. Pattycake stopped by here awhile ago and I asked her to stop by your place on her way home. She's such a good chicken doctor, maybe she can help with your chickens. I'd help out but chicken thinking isn't my forte'. I'd be grateful they weren't falling dead out of the sky considering the fact that so many birds are dropping like dead flies these days.


----------



## pattycake

Soul knows something about the mysterious happening of birds falling dead from the sky. She must or she wouldn't have mentioned this out of the blue! Who do I call to report this to? I should have known she was behind this!!


----------



## soulsurvivor

:hrm: I wish I knew why the animals are dying, but really, I don't know. I'm still stuck on this concept of chicken thinking. This guy in Munfordsville Ky says he can read the mind of a chicken:

[YOUTUBE]ToSOoG-R4XY[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## Guest

Soulsurvivor swears chickens speak to her. "Don't eat my nuggets"


----------



## soulsurvivor

zong said:


> Soulsurvivor swears chickens speak to her. "Don't eat my nuggets"


eep: How did you know that? I've never told anyone about that! 

I'm learning lots about how chickens think, I think.

[YOUTUBE]Bf1csRypqFw[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## Heritagefarm

SS owns WIMP.com and youtube.com. She does nothing but make videos all day long for these sites. They pay her a dimeandahalf for every video.


----------



## soulsurvivor

HeritageFarm, do you own chickens? Do you think they think?


----------



## pattycake

It just breaks my heart to tell this but I passed by Soulsurvivor this evening. I had to do a double take to make sure it was her and I am sad to say that it was. She was leaning on a corner street light with an empty cup at her feet. She was strumming her guitar and singing "Where, Oh where are you tonight, why have you left me hear all alone." I wanted to tell her that everyone has abandoned her due to her incessant lying but did not have the heart to do so. I just threw some money in her cup and kept on walking.


----------



## NickieL

Pattycake is really a sissy and a tattle tale!


----------



## Bruenor

NickieL's real dream is to move to a small apartment in Chicago and never garden again.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Alrighty you chicken thinkers,figure this one out. NickieL is working on developing a new business venture. It's called Sleeping Bag Sprouts. You use your sleeping bag to grow sprouts for munching on the trail and keeping up your energy with fresh healthy food snacks. If this works out she's going to develop a product called Toe Jam Ham. It's a dry mix of dehydrated toe jam and herbs that you sprinkle inside your clean socks before putting them on your feet. You wear the socks for about a week and allow the mixture to grow and cure. When it smells to the high heavens you take off your socks and harvest the toe jam ham and use it to season a big pot of green beans. They say the smell will drive you wild and maybe clears your house of stinkbugs who know when they're de-feeted.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Bruenor found a roll of film.

[YOUTUBE]Dmop7EAY1Zg&feature=player_embedded[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## HorseGirl31

ss decided to collect old rolls of film way back in the 70's and then make millions selling them 30y. later. ssalso has a roll of film of the never-seen-before phantom chicken whisperer *gasp* ss also likes to make bologna sandwiches out of used motor parts.


----------



## beccachow

Horsegirl is really a trained chicken, who is offended at everyone reading her mind. As she is fond of saying, "Read my mind? It's a very short story."


----------



## Joshie

BCCC invented the Chicken Dance. 

http://www.lifeisajoke.com/pictures81_html.htm


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie said:


> BCCC invented the Chicken Dance.
> 
> http://www.lifeisajoke.com/pictures81_html.htm


Joshie, sorry hon, but that's one of those nasty pop-up links that overrides your pop up blocker.

I'm bored with chickens now. I'm going to try and get to Japan. They've figured out how to have parties in the mouth:

[YOUTUBE]wcaQ5QWHJlM&feature=player_embedded[/YOUTUBE]

I bet their dentists are happy when they flash those pearly whites. Pack a bag Joshie and come with me. And please remember to not wear that heavily wired underwear that sets off the airport metal detectors.


----------



## Joshie

BCCC, you should have come with SS and me. We had a wonderful time in Japan. We decided to go with blue teeth instead of those red teeth. It was SS's idea, not mine, to bring back yellow teeth for you. I do think they're mighty pretty on you.


----------



## Joshie

BCCC, no matter what SSS says, most snow angels don't have horns. That's a SSS thing.


----------



## soulsurvivor

ok BCCC,, you've been too quiet. Tell me, where do black ants come marching from in the dead of winter and snow everywhere? I've mashed 2 nice specimens this morning and now I'm quite disturbed contemplating where their little nesting spot might be located. I hope they're not marching over here on orders from you. I'm about ready to throw the red gingham check picnic cloth down in the middle of the floor and place an ant trap in the middle of it. Trickery, devious trickery I tell you is the only way to outsmart an ant.


----------



## beccachow

I was kidnapped by stinkbugs. Held hostage and tied up in the basement. I did come up with an idea for a new perfume, though.

SS, I didn't send the ants. I told Joshie you wanted to see your AUNTS. I never said she was a good listener.


----------



## pattycake

becca was not held hostage by ladybugs! She was held hostage by Soul S who tied her up and held her in the basement because becca knew the truth about Soul's actual "supper". Soul likes to report on the "what's for supper" thread and it is all make believe. Becca works for McDonald's and says that Soul is a three times a day buyer of her meals. After feeding herself and her husband with fast food she then makes up what she had for supper. All those wonderful meals are figment of her imagination!


----------



## Joshie

Pattycake loves to eat BCCC's Stinkbug Stew. SSS is thinking of stealing BCCC's recipe and opening up a chain of restaurants called SS's Sweet Smelling Stew.


----------



## soulsurvivor

goodness, don't any of you just ever sit down and relax? 

:dj: Grab some corn and join me in watching some toons:

http://www.wimp.com/looneytoons/

oh, and I found a really cool new jazz group to watch. 

I'd post the video but it's got the number 2 doo doo word in its' title, so don't click on the link if that word offends you:

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bdSfmYdJ8o[/ame]


----------



## Joshie

Last year SS planted some seeds she found in the back of her kitchen junk drawer. SS was happily excited by her crop of candy corn on the cob. Watch out, everybody. Soon you'll find her frozen candy corn on the cob at your favorite health food store.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie, hon, it may be time to shave again. People are beginning to say that you're this guy:
http://www.dump.com/2011/01/31/four-armed-lady-gaga-guitar-performance-video/


----------



## beccachow

SS, how were you able to comb your chest hair up over your head like that? :shocked:


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow said:


> SS, how were you able to comb your chest hair up over your head like that? :shocked:


Didn't you know? I'm very agile. It's how I caught this horny toad for you:
http://www.wimp.com/quenchthirst/

not the slimey fish, keep watching until it gets to the horny toad. It's like having a bug eating Roomba.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Soulsurvivor is responsible for this weather. She stood outside and aimed her huge pepper gun at the sky and launched it. Now the IPCC has something real fun on their hands. SS configured it since he has an iron quarry in his backyard. After making a cannon the size of a mobile home, he fired it into the sky, using a highly sophisticated scientific chemical concoction, taking as much time as a golfer to create his formula. What he did created an event similar in creativity to opening an aspirin bottle, and difficulty in operating brain surgery. The explosion caused quite a ruccas, and SS is facing court trials from the President himself. (He might decide to run for president next, or at least become an ice cream salesman.)


----------



## soulsurvivor

uh, there you are! THF, I thought you were still in Egypt acting as Anderson Cooper's bodyguard.


----------



## Joshie

SS, that copper colored cream isn't doing a thing to guard your body. You're looking a bit green around the gills.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Joshie has several pHd's, or pHD, or pHd, or whatever, in sciences, thus, instead of simply saying "water" she says "dihydrogen oxide". This gets a lot of people confused, especially since she's forgotten what water is ("Wet and in winter's case, very slippery and hazardous to the health of CIA agents"). Her cupboard isn't a typical cupboard, it's got every manner of things.


----------



## beccachow

Heritage Farm is really a pretty pretty snow fairy.


----------



## pattycake

Soul was right when she said Heritage was guarding Anderson Cooper . He was being paid alot of money to do this . When the mob starting swinging poor Anderson took all the blows to his head because Heritage was too scared to help him.. He took off running is now somewhere on the streets of Cairo. He always said that the yellow streak down his back was caused by cream!


----------



## Joshie

BCCC loves to do the fairy dance with HF. They're both so pretty in pink.

By the way, no PhD, but I do have two science related degrees.


----------



## NickieL

Joshie is the one to blame for the 24" of snow and the 5 foot drifts in the road....

she made a top secret weapon that changes weather and was out testing it a few days ago...that is why the monster storm developed.

Future tests are pending.


----------



## beccachow

Look, I would never tell a tale, but I think it is important that you all know this.

Nickie, Pattycake and Joshie were all in cahoots with this snow thing. They were dancing around naked doing a rain dance...the Rain Gods were so upset by what they saw that they sent snow to cover them.

And that is the truth.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Joshie has a PhD
ETA: Beccachow has something more on her hands after the infamous Becca Chow incident. Now she's got a part in the Weather Pepper scheme! I'm going to the Drive-Thru Lawsuit Center to file an extremely convenient lawsuit that will give me a new suit. I've been needin' one doncha know. (they also have FREE HAMBURGERS!) 
Meanwhile, I'm going to do some experiments with Becky's Becca Chows. Ancient legend has it they can just eat TeflonÂ®.


----------



## pattycake

National news stations have reported that internet connections in Cairo have been shut down. This must be a mistake as I see that Heritagefarm was able to post one of his lies last night.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Pattycake owns Egypt. She's the Pharoah, and they are building her pyramid for her as we speak. She intends it to be the biggest one ever made.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Way to go Faye Row!! We need a few more pyramids to discombulate all these earth quakers and mini knitters. I do like their home cooking. 

THF is on the run alright. He appeared as a flash in the sky tonight and upset a whole bunch of UFOers. I'm still searching for their iphone video on youtuber.


----------



## Heritagefarm

It was you in that UFO I saw yesterday. You had Elvis with you.


----------



## Joshie

HF is an Elvis impersonator. I hate to tell you this, HF, but even though you've got his singing style down pat, Elvis didn't have a beard or wear a pink dress.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Eyes been lookin everywhere for THF on youtuber. He's playing a short little guy in this one:

[YOUTUBE]R55e-uHQna0&feature=topvideos[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## soulsurvivor

Heritagefarm said:


> It was you in that UFO I saw yesterday. You had Elvis with you.



and yep, that could have been me and Eddie Miles you saw....ok, not really. He doesn't know me from Adam. He's from Marion County Ky and I used to be his little sister's teacher. He's also the best Elvis impersonator that's ever lived. He's like myself and no spring chicken anymore, but he's still got it!
[YOUTUBE]u37GH8MlRSU&feature=related[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## soulsurvivor

soulsurvivor said:


> Joshie, hon, it may be time to shave again. People are beginning to say that you're this guy:
> 
> [YOUTUBE]LVFSXCMVZJw[/YOUTUBE]


It's such a relief to know that shaving is not a requirement for social acceptance.


----------



## Joshie

soulsurvivor said:


> It's such a relief to know that shaving is not a requirement for social acceptance.


And you outta know.


----------



## pattycake

As everyone knows, Joshie and SS have been BFFs for a long time. This thread has finally torn them apart as each one has been "one upping" the other and they are now arch enemies.


----------



## soulsurvivor

pattycake said:


> As everyone knows, Joshie and SS have been BFFs for a long time. This thread has finally torn them apart as each one has been "one upping" the other and they are now arch enemies.


You know what Pattycake? If Crayola didn't make green, there wouldn't be a color for your eyes...

[YOUTUBE]mi6X-Q_Ki8I[/YOUTUBE]

Joshie and me, well we're still working on our pattycake routine, but we'll get it down pat one of these days....


----------



## Heritagefarm

SS has taken up bungee jumping, especially after church services.


----------



## beccachow

SS, DON'T DO IT! I have it on good authority that HF added 20 feet to your cord. He wants to see if you bounce.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Heritagefarm said:


> SS has taken up bungee jumping, especially after church services.


No, it's not church services that drive me to jumping, well maybe sometimes, but it's for sure listening to your barbershop quartet that could drive me to drink... and this one's singing your song:

[YOUTUBE]MgCplSnUcdY&feature=related[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow said:


> SS, DON'T DO IT! I have it on good authority that HF added 20 feet to your cord. He wants to see if you bounce.


whoops! Excuse me just a minute..... OH JOSHIE, IF YOU CAN HEAR ME DO NOT JUMP! REPEAT! DO NOT JUMP!


----------



## Joshie

My dear BFF, SS, thank you for saving me. HF and BCC cooked up an evil plan to push me off that cliff. I just knew you'd come rescue me!


----------



## HorseGirl31

Oh joshie, do you not know that is is not an evil plan, but simply something to put the rest of us out of our misery?


----------



## Joshie

Watch out, HG, my BFF, SS, will protect me.


----------



## beccachow

(mumbling)...protect her like an expired generic deoderant...maybe, maybe not, pretty weak and stinky....(mumble mumble)


----------



## soulsurvivor

.... (mumble, mumble) .... yep, checking out flying lessons too ..... (mumble, mumble) .....

[YOUTUBE]gJooSXSxgho[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## Heritagefarm

SS recently broke into my house. It was of those scary incidences where the burglar is trying to be extremely quiet and sneaky by throwing a small boulder through the window, knocking over vases and tables and setting off the alarm. I woke up, imagining that the Russians were bombing our house or something like that. But no, it was just SS, who jumped back out the window carrying a shoe in his mouth. Poor SS, though, got the shoe with the nitrous oxide in it. She fell splat on the lawn in her getaway attempt. We called the sherrif (Bubba) who made his prognosis ("Looks like Budda.") and fell over, drunk, in the lawn. I'm going into town to rent a backhoe.


----------



## Joshie

HF is such a good back hoe driver that he knocked his house down. He tried to hide the thing from the insurance agent but knocked his barn down instead.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie is insisting that all BFFs have to learn this dance:
[YOUTUBE]dm7yAWpX1Mc[/YOUTUBE]

It sure takes a lot of happy to do that.


----------



## kirkmcquest

Ah yes, 'Soul Survivor' affectionately known as 'The fondler' around town, after his run-in with Chris Hansen. 

Does a closet full of girlscout cookies count as 'preps'?


----------



## soulsurvivor

kirkmcquest, better known as Ollie of the North:
[YOUTUBE]Fn6EO-WtOv4[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## pattycake

I am not surprised to hear that SS has been breaking and entering. I heard that she is (as we speak) sitting in an elite seat in Dallas. She has done whatever it took to raise the money for her $5000.00 seat. Her motto has always been that "life's too short" and goes after everything she wants. I am just sorry to hear that her husband is sitting at home alone without even any food in the house.


----------



## Michael W. Smith

pattycake got her name by a very bad pattycake accident. As she was playing with the neighbor's baby she was babysitting, and doing the "Patty cake, patty cake, baker's man" - her hand slipped from the baby's hand and punched the baby in the face.

The neighbor's pressed charges and she has been known as pattycake ever since.


----------



## pattycake

Michael W got this info from the National Enquiror and believes every word! No one can tell him that everything in print is not true! It is people like this that keep this business going strong.


----------



## HorseGirl31

pattycake didn't get her name from THAT incident. That was when she was dubbed smushface. What REALLY happened is that she was eating one of those nasty rice cakes while talking to Patty and was driving and ran into a tree. Hence, pattycake.


----------



## beccachow

Ahh, HG, you have to tell the rest of the story.

You see, HG was living in that tree that pattycake hit. When she hit the tree, HG fell off her branch and dropped onto the roof of the car. When THAT happened, pattycake was almost known as "soiled undies," but the name pattycake seemed nicer.

HG has no end of trouble keeping her horses in the tree.


----------



## HorseGirl31

Ah Beccachow....you know me too well. BUT the rest of the world needs to know how pattycake got the name soiled undies.......truth be told, when they were little kids, pattycake was riding on a tricycle with BC when they rammed a bush....hence the name "soiled undies".

Beccachow now disguises her horses in bushes and underwear!!!


----------



## Heritagefarm

Horsegirl has devised a devious ploy for feeding her horses. She ties bunches of ropes around them and hauls them up into the trees to let them eat leaves. She claims it's working so far, and sometimes she rides them up, too. She's considering giving flying lessons: "1, 2, 3, jump! ... Oh crud, I left my parachute on the h - UGH!" Of course she'll have medics stationed nearby, wearing reassuring full name name tags that say "Bubba", "Bubba Jr.", etc.


----------



## beccachow

Heritage Farm is a mold farmer.


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow is an alternative farmer currently harvesting stinkbugs for shipments to research facilities. Other alternative crops include toe jam sprouts that are shipped to a new food company "Grow Where You're Planted".


----------



## Heritagefarm

SS is planning to take over the world. Her basement is filled with explosives of every manner, including toaster ovens.


----------



## soulsurvivor

THF forces psycharists to redefine "normal". His wife is assisting the docs with this huge project by taking his underarm temp 6 times a day and 4 times a night. No hotspots have yet been defined.


----------



## Joshie

SS is hoping to find a cure for hot flashes as she assists HF's wife's with her HF Hot Spot Project.


----------



## soulsurvivor

oh, ok, for a second there I was scared you'd bring up that underarm hairbraiding thing. 

Joshie is a master hairbraider. With all the facial hair she has, it's become a daily routine for her to untangle the dreadlocks she accidentally does over her mouth. Poor girl is losing weight too. By the time she gets her mouth free her food is cold and she loses her appetite. Her hair is a booger but she's saving money on those Kleenex.


----------



## Joshie

SS, thanks for shaving off my facial hair when I was sleeping. I appreciate your attempt at home decor but just can't really see you finding a market for facial hair knitted into pillows. You might do a little bit better if you knit BCCC's arm hair into doggie coats. Just remember to thoroughly wash her hair because it does have a rather unpleasant odor.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Josjie recently went to a Buddhist temple in Italy... Or was it Greenland? Never mind, but she did, and it burnt down. She swears it wasn't her. Authorities are still trying to figure out how this feat was accomplished, seeing how the temple was made with rock.


----------



## soulsurvivor

THF knows all about smoking rock. His ancient ancestors parked themselves inside the temples in Egypt and smoked up all the interiors to cover up the lewd inscriptions warning the world that McDonalds had a two for one deal in the future.


----------



## cjb

Soulsurvivor was so named for an incident where in SS became locked in an inoperable elevator with 6 strangers. SS had just partaken in some crab cakes, cabbage and dough balls so was extremely flatulent. By the time an engineer was summoned to fix the elevator and free the captors, SS was the only one living as the others had expired from inhaling the aromatic eminations expelled by SS during the hours that they waited.


----------



## beccachow

cjb has been experimenting with dung fertilizer. Moth dung. It takes him forEVER to get enough to fertilize one plant. Luckily, when soulsurvivor opened her wallet the other day, enough moths flew out to allow him to fertilize a corn field.


----------



## cjb

Beccachow has invented a new means of transplanting one dog's brain into another, thus altering the intelligence and temperaments of the dog receiving the transplant. Therefore, she actually likes chows....


----------



## Oggie

cjp wanted to be pbj, but he wasn't chunky enough.


----------



## cjb

Oggie loves cats


----------



## cjb

... and who's cjP?


----------



## Oggie

cjb said:


> ... and who's cjP?


cjb's parents hid from him his entire life the fact that he was a typo.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Oggie is actually spelled Ondar:
[YOUTUBE]TVyyhHFKI8E[/YOUTUBE]
His parents have to claim him.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Soulsurvivor has hundreds of alternate identities, and each day he chooses which one to put on next. Yesterday he used Beccachow's identity, went to her work place and got himself fired. BC's boss still doesn't believe her when she says her identity was stolen in this manner. Fortunately, SS was BC's boss.


----------



## Joshie

HF is confused about gender identities. He (or is he a she?) thinks SS is a boy and Oggie is a girl. 

This is really a problem when he tries to milk. Let's just say that the bulls aren't real fond of this process.


----------



## beccachow

(joshie just made me lol)

Joshie wore an itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini. To a black tie luncheon. What is the DEAL with THAT??


----------



## Joshie

My bikini looked a whole lot better than your birthday suit!


----------



## Heritagefarm

I don't know about bikinis, but I sure hope the goats never need bras!


----------



## HorseGirl31

HF decided he needs to go out and work his PB&J trees.


----------



## beccachow

HG31 is really a horse who owns 31 girls. Very odd.


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow runs herds of stinkbugs. She's currently in the market for a stud stinkbug that emits a smell of clover.


----------



## HorseGirl31

ss is in the ladybug market, secretly collecting the nasty-smelling liquid they spew to make it into a cancer-fighting medication!


----------



## soulsurvivor

HorseGirl31 is actually a boy with a ball: 
http://www.wimp.com/pongshots


----------



## cjb

SS pours milk over scabs for breakfast.


----------



## Bret

ckb does not believe that there are this many baseless stories about us.


----------



## cjb

Bret doesn't want us to know that he is actually "Brit Hume", Washington Bureau Chief at Fox news.


----------



## Heritagefarm

CJB is mod of a forum composed of a bunch of loony, crazy, deranged goat people who have WAY too much free time. Oops, wait, this is supposed to be Post Baseless Lies. CJB is mod of one of the least active forums on the forum. He's glad to see one topic per month.


----------



## beccachow

I am not one to spread gossip, but I have never seen HF or cjb in the same room at the same time. Coincidence?? Or are they the same person???


----------



## Joshie

My BFF told me that BCCC was so inspired by pluots that she is breeding stink bugs and a butterfly to make stinkflies. Somehow I don't think that they'll be able to compete with circus fleas.


----------



## soulsurvivor

On a recent outing to the big shopping mall, my BFF and I were witnesses to a horrible act of violence. We watched as BCCC swapped all the Barbie heads with all the Ken heads.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Would that make Bens and Karbies? Or some such? I was mighty confused, ever since SS used that dang biochemicalpyruvate potion thing on me, I can't remember anything now, beyond the entire Hong Kong telephone directory.


----------



## soulsurvivor

THF and his family were recently on Family Feud:
[YOUTUBE]aCwfHsJkKT0[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## Joshie

BFF told me that BCCC told her that she put Ken heads on Barbie dolls because it confused her so to see HF in that frilly pink dress. Clovis told me that HF has mighty fine legs.


----------



## pattycake

Let's all pray for Joshie. She is so delusional that all her latest posts are baseless lies. If any one wants to send a card or flowers please send them to the Illinois Insane Asylum where she is an inpatient. Bless her heart.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Pattycake has gotten so good at bolusing her animals her doesn't even swallow pills anymore. Claims it's far easier to take the balling gun and shove it down her throat. Claims it works real well for her children and husband, too. It's also a great conversation sta - er, ender.


----------



## pattycake

What in the world are you talking about Heritage!! Everyone knows that I live in a high rise in New York City. Shame on you for your baseless lies!!


----------



## cjb

Pattycake sucks pancake batter through a straw and has knobby knees and and... zits on her bum and.. and.. picks her nose and eats it.


----------



## soulsurvivor

You have to understand where cjb is coming from. He's working on developing a fountain of youth drug and he's been testing it on himself. That's why he sometimes sounds like a tattletale 5 year old. His family is quite fed up with him bringing home snails and puppy dog tails though.


----------



## cjb

Huh uh!!!! SoulSurvivor started it!!!!!!


>stomps out of sandbox<


----------



## pattycake

We won't be hearing from cjb for some time. Soul put him in time out.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Pattycake owes cjb $1.1 billion dollars. She ran up huge bills on exotic house plants & fish. Cuba is a first-world country now.


----------



## beccachow

*I need to say that I miss Zong, and hope he will find peace and healing soon. Prayers lifted for him in a time of unimaginable pain.


----------



## beccachow

HF, Venus Flytraps and Tuna really do not count as exotic house plants & fish. Guess your wife wasn't kidding when she called me and said you took her to a fine gourmet restaurant, Mc...errr, something or the other, she wasn't sure. Sadly, her fear of clowns did NOT stop HF from taking her there. :nono:


----------



## Heritagefarm

http://www.homesteadingtoday.com/showthread.php?t=385340
Ouch. That made me lose my sense of humour...


----------



## vicker

THF runs a Pekinese puppy mill out of his garage, in Norman Oklahoma.


----------



## beccachow

Vicker is HF's best customer...Pekinese is the main ingredient in their stews, but do NOT tell them I said so.


----------



## Joshie

BCCC is contemplating a lawsuit against vicker. She has cornered the dog stew market on the East Coast at her restaurant, Becky's Chow.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie, you traitor. You swore you would never tell. Fine.

Joshie's mud pie...is REAL mud. And something extra she picked up from vicker's dogs, to add texture.


----------



## soulsurvivor

When you go to Becky's Chow to eat remember to take a change of clothes or wear an adult diaper. That good food will run right through you before you make it back home. Everything on her menu is a SOB (South of the Border) dish and it's heavy on the flame going in and coming out. Her most devoted customers are folks who have figured out how to use their own personal gas to power their vehicles and set bottle rockets off. Ever so often you'll read of a gas explosion in the vicinity of her restaurant. We all know what that's about too.


----------



## beccachow

soulsurvior is really the sole survivor of a nuclear blast that rendered her a mutant. Come meet her sometime, and shake her hand. And her other hand. And her other one. And the one sticking out of her forehead.


----------



## Heritagefarm

What a handy coat rack we have here. We all know it is BC who got blasted by that Argon bomb.


----------



## Joshie

HF eats mothballs like they're popcorn. If she adds a little bit of caramel, BCCC finds them pretty tasty.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie is always on the lookout to make a little extra cash to spend on her shopping trips to the mall. Her latest venture into creating a bit of pocket change is to feed THF all the mothballs he can eat. Joshie then rents him out as an air freshener for the shoe rack at the local bowling alley. THF thinks his name has been changed to PU.


----------



## clovis

Poor old Soulsurvivor. She is so dumb that she went to the post office and asked to apply for some of the new stamps that have pictures of food on one side, and food flavored adhesive on the back side.

You see, SS thought she should get some food stamps for herself, just to see what they were like.


----------



## cjb

Clovis is so named due to the birth defect of cloven hooves that he/she was born with. His/her spouse complains constantly of having his/her shins peeled when kicked in bed.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Oh, yes... It was one of my failed GE experiments.  It didn't work I guess. Currently I'm seeing what happens if I insert a fish gene into cjb.


----------



## soulsurvivor

A fish gene in cjb? That's easy. 

[YOUTUBE]MO8nrgbUEds[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## pattycake

I am almost embarrassed to mention this but I just found out that Soul has left Kentucky and is now living with Charlie Sheen as one of his "Goddess's".


----------



## PNP Katahdins

The reason Pattycake knows about Soul being with Charlie Sheen as a Goddess is that she's another of the Goddesses. I'd be ashamed to mention that, too.

Peg


----------



## pattycake

PNP Katahdins is known far and wide as a big liar but it is true that Pattycake is a Goddess (the pretty one that is a dancer). Hope every one saw me on tv!!!


----------



## NickieL

Uses soilient green to fertilize her garden.


----------



## Joshie

NickieL paints four leaf clovers on stinkbugs and releasing them in Becky's house. They may not smell so hot but they do look purty!

By the way, SS, that green stinkbug bikini really does make you look like one of Charlie's angels <ahem> goddesses.


----------



## clovis

Talking about dancing, did everyone know that Joshie has funded her retirement account solely through tips from being a dancer at a roadside juke joint?


----------



## soulsurvivor

Did you know that clovis is writing a book on USA Roadside Juke Joints? He's not interested in what's inside. Rather he's focusing on what's sitting in the parking lots. Wheels, man, gotta have my wheels.


----------



## Joshie

SS tried to figure out what kind of wheels turned in clovis' brain. All she could find was a hamster on its wheel.


----------



## NickieL

Joshie knows everything there is about hamsters, she keeps some in her pockets!


----------



## soulsurvivor

If you have a clear light bulb still burning in your upstairs you won't bother to feel up NickiL's pockets. She has them full of toads and snails and hairy spiders that bite.


----------



## time

Soulsurvival gets few visitors in the winter and wonders why. Nobody has the heart to say it has to do with the biomass briquettes used to heat the house. They are made from used toilet paper.


----------



## Joshie

Time uses recycled TP..... and not her own.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie supplies TIme with it. Sorry, you all made me tattle.

Time also for some reason is very aggressive with Joshie's High Fiber diet and insists she sticks to it religiously. What is THAT about?


----------



## soulsurvivor

Very sad so cry along with those of us who get to hear beccachow speak about her tattling issues. She thinks she's still five and brilliant. We don't have the heart to tell her she's quite a bit older than that and average. In the meantime, I'm carrying my own box of Kleenex with me. Sharing body fluids with the neighbors just isn't my thing.


----------



## beccachow

soulsurvivor, hitting that gin again I see. You know, decency dictates waiting until at least noon. The neighbors are on to your little "secret." Showing up on a play date with your kids, yelling TAG YOU'RE IT in the museum that day, while you were stark naked but for a thong, well...not done. Luckily I found some women's corsets from the 1800's and convinced the guards to let me lend you one.


----------



## Joshie

BCCC you really shouldn't steal SS's gin and drink it yourself. Consuming a bottle of gin in 5 minutes and stealing corsets out of the display isn't doin' either of you a bit of good. 

Those museum guards called me to pick you guys up. You need to realize that most people don't need a designated driver for a morning trip to the museum.

Oh, BCC I'd better not hear that you EVER force feed gin to my BFF anymore.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Me and Joshie are saving our pennies to attend the Derby this year. BCCC has a horse she's entering in the first race of the day. The horse's name is Whoa. It's going to be a lot of fun cheering for that one. Me and BFF are already working on our Derby hats that we're going to wear. Can't wait for that fun!!


----------



## pattycake

Yep, Soul is getting ready for the Derby. She is using empty gin bottles to decorate her hat and is excited as she feels this is pure class. Good thing she will be sitting in the infield as she shouts "Go Whoa".


----------



## soulsurvivor

Nah nah pattycake, it's like the wave and we're all yelling "WOoooHA" as Becca's poor horse tries to get past the grandstands. You know how directionally challenged her horses are....then again, maybe you don't. Last time I saw you the state police were trying to stop you going the wrong way on I75.


----------



## beccachow

I cannot help it if all those other horses were running the wrong way.


----------



## Joshie

Good one, BCCC aka Wrong Way Nelson. Don't anyone ever ask Wrong Way for directions. You really don't know where you'll end up. Last I heard, she gave directions to Oggie and he ended up in Cat Town USA, the town of everything kitty.


----------



## Joshie

BCCC aka Wrong Way is so scared of my BFF that she had her DD type threatening letters to SS. It'd been far more effective if you daugher knew how to type.


----------



## beccachow

My DD is 5. What is YOUR excuse, Joshie? )  )


----------



## Joshie

Well, BCCC, you've gotta stop trying to teach our dog to type. He's really smart but the lack of opposable thumbs really impedes his typing ability.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie taught the same dog to drive. Just because he has a license. If you are on the sidewalks of Illiois, I recommend you take cover. The poor dog is blind, as well.


----------



## Joshie

The sad thing is that my blind dog is a better driver than BCCC.

The whole Eastern US had better stay off the sidewalks 'cause BCCC drives on them instead of streets.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Me and BFF are going on vacation with our power chairs. Think we're going to do the Grand Canyon this year and peer over the edge for the thrill of it. We've signed up to be on the first moon tourist trip... we want to plant our plastic flags there.


----------



## Joshie

BCCC is really angry that my BFF and I won't let her her Chow fly the spaceship.


----------



## NickieL

Joshie feeds stray cats with her toes.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Nickie's mother actually wanted to named her dollar, but the finances were tight, so they settled on NickieL. She now owns a store called "Thrifty NickeL" and a bank called "Dollar a dime".


----------



## Joshie

Heritagefarm is so cheap they call him Penny. Made him real popular when he did that stretch at Attica for selling rancid cream.


----------



## soulsurvivor

My BFF is so smart. She owns a parrot named Alert. It pecks her on the shoulder everytime it sees that light bulb pop out the top of her head. Her next thought immediately comes true. Thankfully I was there the last time it happened and was able to revive her parrot with human/bird CPR. So now BFF is working to eliminate her immediate anger response to bird shoulder pecking. I really do think that BFF is going to get to where she can think some good things into happening without killing her bird in the process.


----------



## Joshie

My BFF is a pirate. Did the exterminator get rid of the termites in your peg leg?


----------



## beccachow

Joshie, her new name is....wait for it....wait for it....

Eileen.


----------



## pattycake

I have been sick and in bed for two weeks. I check in here and find out that I don't understand a word that anyone is talking about! I have been hanging out with a bunch of crazies!!


----------



## NickieL

Pattycake farted so loud, all the dogs in the neighborhood started howling.


----------



## Joshie

Nickie hopes to develop the country's greenest energy supply company. She's almost perfected her new automobile fuel by harnessing the power in toots. Nickie is the one who urged the government to study cow toots a few years back. 

Pattycake is Nickie's largest supplier.


----------



## soulsurvivor

NickiL had to google toots. Pattycake is under heavy medication and thinks she's the only one that's ok. BCCC has another name too; it's Howfar. NickiL had to google that too. Joshie is in jail for stealing a bedpost. I'm revving up the power chair now to go get her out.


----------



## beccachow

Eileen. Heeheee. I crack myself up.


----------



## Joshie

Pull yer britches up, BCCC.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Joshie failed anatomy class: Instead of being able to describe the gizzard as something that grinds, she just kept coming up with "grinds his/her gizzard" parables. The result is that all of her dissected owls sit in the Museum of Weird, Bad and Just All Around Failed Parables.


----------



## Joshie

My neighbors and I have noticed that our cream separators have recently had holes drilled in them. Coincidently we've seen HF prowling around the neighborhood. He's been wearing this funky lookin' mask. :lonergr: Hmmm.....


----------



## soulsurvivor

well shoot! Guess I'm gonna have to pull on my rubber boots and go out there and check that **** I shot to see if it's HF....


----------



## Joshie

I'll make the biscuits if you make the stew.


----------



## pattycake

This is so sad. Joshie is excited to have company for supper but it is obvious that Soul has never had Joshie's biscuits. She has a contract with the Army as they buy them for ammunition.


----------



## beccachow

Pattycake has obviously never had Joshie's Spew Stew. I've had it x2, have you?


----------



## Joshie

SS invited you for **** stew and biscuits, right? What are you bringing for desert? I'm getting kind of tired of your stink bug pie.


----------



## beccachow

(ok, that made me lol)

She said that Joshie Stew was the main dish. Ummm...didn't you get an invite? She had a dinner party LAST week, too, where no one else showed up. She called that one Dinner Party Surprise, only never told me what the surprise was :shrug:.

Has anyone heard from HF in a while? Last I heard he was going over to SS and Joshie's neck of the woods for dinner. By the way, Josie, that jerkie you sent me was GREAT. Where did you get it, again?


----------



## Joshie

Mrs. HF sent the jerky to me. Wonder why she said that HF would have wanted me to have it. BFF and I figured Mrs. HF's Jerk Jerky would be a mighty addition to our **** Stew. Ya know, BCCC, I haven't seen your Chow since my BFF started cookin'.


----------



## soulsurvivor

nah nah, the only four leggers that get cooked here are related to Bambi. That and it's the only thing that keeps falling out of the freezer when I open the door. I've got to make room for all these bluegill.


----------



## Joshie

Are you sure you should be eating that bluegill? You told me that it was green around the gills.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Here, when you put something in the freezers, you have to take something out. So Joshie, when you coming to get your frozen alien out of my freezers?


----------



## Joshie

They're not alien; they're snapping turtles. HF caught them right after he practiced his kissin' on a chain saw.

http://www.wimp.com/snappingturtles


----------



## Heritagefarm

Goodness, Joshie, it was all your scheme to send my Clone over to SS's to be made into jerky. I tell you, that was one durned espensive science experiment.


----------



## Joshie

Hmmm, what's wrong with your hands? I noticing that you're missing some fingers and toes. Mrs. HF gave us some good jerky. Only problem I've noticed has been those fingernail clippings in the jerky.

So........ why've you been kissin' that chainsaw?


----------



## Joshie

Heritagefarm is a hippie.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie isn't just a Wal Mart sustomer, she is a model for The People Of Wal Mart. The pic of her, hair in curlers, wearing hot pink ripped tights under super duper short tight green velour shorts...with the halter top clinging for dear life by a piece of elastic...oh, my favorite picture yet. And the armfulls of Twinkies really complemented the outfit.


----------



## Heritagefarm

She was buying the twinkies to compliment the BECCACHOW JERKY! I look forward to the next meal. I expect SS, being a great cook and all, will be there.


----------



## therunbunch

I have a friend who was almost the grand-daughter-in-law to one of the people in People of Walmart... the old man with the implants. She is SO glad she didn't marry into that family! LOL


----------



## beccachow

YIKES, lol! I confess, I saw someone in there wearing a jacket that I had...they were pokiing fun of the fact that her whole family was wearing matching coats, though. *phew, lol.


----------



## Joshie

Honey, they put you on the People of Walmart calendar because you were wearing that jacket on your bottom half.


----------



## Joshie

My BFF made me do it.


----------



## pattycake

A bunch of us have been trying to decide what to do with Joshie. We know she needs help but can't decide upon therapy for liars anonymous or perhaps just enrolling her in a creative writing class. Whatever we decide it is only because we love her and want her to get help. Honestly.


----------



## Joshie

Pattycake's attempt to become a famous romance writer failed miserably. Pattycake, nobody but BCCC cares about the love lives of stink bugs.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie doesn't need help, she needs attention. She's just invented a really neat appliance for people who want to save some wear and tear on their dentures and implants. It's called Joshie's JawMaster. It's a super strong set of battery operated remote controlled false teeth that has built in hooks, nooks, and crannies that do everything from opening your bottles to chewing your food for you. Set a set of teeth on the countertop and you'll always have a helper for things that need gripping and it's a great meat tenderizer. Kinda like a roomba that goes and goes until it's done.


----------



## beccachow

SS thought it would be neat gift for me to own a set of Jawmasters for myself. I am typing with what is left of my fingers. My friends now call me Knubby. I am not amused.


----------



## soulsurvivor

:thumb: wellll, not to worry BCCC. Joshie's working on yet another invention called the FingerMaster. Right now the prototypes are involved in different experiments. I'm quite certain if you asked Joshie real nice like that she'd let you try out the booger picker, or the head scratcher, or lick a finger checker for wind direction models. I would suggest some of the other model prototypes she has, but you'd probably not appreciate those as much.


----------



## Joshie

SS, I don't think your idea of a backside scratcher is a good one.


----------



## beccachow

Yeah, not with the razor fingers you have been experimenting with.


----------



## soulsurvivor

ok, I can live without a back scratcher... not really. I have one made out of bamboo that I've used for years and it's still good as new. So Joshie, you've heard of soap on a rope, so's can you make finger on a rope?


----------



## pattycake

Soulsurvivor has been trailing so many of us that has dared to question her credibility so many have gone in hiding. I can not speak of others alias but I am now going by Ponzi-cake which I hope will clear my name once and foreall.


----------



## Joshie

Pattycake, you stuck your finger too far up your nose.


----------



## soulsurvivor

You haven't heard the latest Joshie. I have it on good faith that BCCC implanted fake boogers in Ponzi cakes nose. You know how everything goes in the wrong direction with BCCC. Ponzi cakes boogers are now tickling her brain and she's hanging on by a slim thread to her sanity. She could really use some magic Finger on a Rope right now to help her dig out the backward boogers that are intruding on her last hope of being normal.


----------



## Joshie

I know you're my BFF and all but I really don't think you should have cut that thread. 

BCCC purchased some of Ponzi's shampoo. I'll have to say, though, those green boogers did make her hair all nice and shiny.


----------



## beccachow

I...you...let's go back to where...let's see, then you...

WHAT???


----------



## soulsurvivor

It's ok BCCC, I just have to stop playing with the scissors.

Do you think I should bring in my tomato plants?


----------



## pattycake

Tomato plants? Yeah, right. I have noticed a trend here that everytime someone says something about Soul or Joshie they pull the booger thing. I now realize that we have been duped by these two. They are not Homesteaders at all. They are sixth grade boys that are having fun on their parent's computer. Only boys of this age can come up with such subject matter. This has been edited to say Congratulations to the Butler Bulldogs!!


----------



## soulsurvivor

Pattycake has to stay in her home and wear that pretty ankle bracelet.


----------



## Joshie

BFF, did you hear that the judge told her he'd put that bracelet around her neck if she took it off one more time? That outta keep her out of your tomato plants!


----------



## soulsurvivor

Really? Well that makes sense. Pattycake is busy working on breaking that code for the FBI to earn some good points to get her jewelry removed. She asked me to help but I stink at codes. I told her to ask you cause you're good at stuff like that.

http://www.fbi.gov/news/stories/2011/march/cryptanalysis_032911


----------



## Joshie

Great! You broke my cover. Now I'm out of a job just shy of 20 years. Since it'll be hard for me to get another job, I'll have to go into politics.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Joshie is lying. She is actually very high up, but she doesn't tell anyone for fear that SS will bomb her house. SS keeps an enormous arsenal of explosives, including soda cans. :shocked:


----------



## soulsurvivor

Heritagefarm is addicted to Mountain Dew and honeybuns. I have dibs on all his empty 2 liter green bottles to use for my emergency water supply.


----------



## Joshie

Watch out, BFF, HF has been known to add Mentos to his pop.


----------



## beccachow

SS, no one believes that you are storing water. I have smelled your breath and am VERY much aware it is vodka. I recall the candlelight dinner we threw at Joshie's house, when you leaned across the table to tell me a secret...and the fumes of your breath ignited the table and burned her house down.

By the way, Joshie, how is living in that cardboard box working out for you? My offer of a Big Screen TV Box to use as an addition is still good if you want it.


----------



## Joshie

Me thinks you're a bit obsessed with vodka. BFF, I'm kinda worried about BCCC. I think the stinkbugs have been crawling back into her ear.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I think you're right BFF! Everyone knows that vodka doesn't have a smell.


----------



## pattycake

"Oh Soul O Mia, Oh star of light, kiss me my darling, be mine tonight." That has absolutely nothing to do with baseless lies, it is a song I learned in 5th grad music class. Funny how those things stay with your for ever. That's all folks.


----------



## beccachow

poor pattycake, lost in her childhood in the late 1800's.


----------



## pattycake

Rumor has it that Pattycake has had a breakdown and been committed to an Insane Asylum. Oh no, I just told a baseless lie obout myself! Please forgive me. Carry on Soul and Joshie.


----------



## Oggie

Pattycake is really a baker man and can make you a cake pretty darned quickly.


----------



## beccachow

Oggie Oggie Oggie. So gald to see you are back from your hunting trip. Even though shooting Lemmings as they drop off the cliff is kind of pointless. But hey, you enjoyed it, that's all that matters, right?


----------



## NickieL

Beccachow has a flea circus in her basement and she lures innocent men down there to see it, then keeps them there...forever and ever....


----------



## Oggie

You said that you wanted a drop-dead gorges coat.


----------



## beccachow

No, I said the sight of your coat made me want to drop dead. Really, what man wears a rat fur coat?? I'll give you all a hint...starts with "O" and ends with "E".

In my defense on the flea circus, they are rare mutated man eating fleas. I'm not keeping the men forever...but my fleas need to eat.


----------



## Oggie

Beccachow doesn't pass gas.

It passes her.


----------



## Joshie

Oggie doesn't pass any gas. Nope, he collects in and uses it to fuel his car. Al Gore is lobbying Congress to pass Oggie limits because carbon limits are so passe.


----------



## pattycake

Wow, just heard on the National News that Joshie has prevented the government shut down!! She has threatened to release her great supply of stink bugs on the American people. Congress heard her and made a conscientious decision to abide by her wishes. I wonder how she breeded such a large amt of stink bugs?


----------



## soulsurvivor

pattycake said:


> Wow, just heard on the National News that Joshie has prevented the government shut down!! She has threatened to release her great supply of stink bugs on the American people. Congress heard her and made a conscientious decision to abide by her wishes. I wonder how she breeded such a large amt of stink bugs?


She teaches them the Hokey Pokey.


----------



## Joshie

Have you had any luck teaching them how to do the La Bamba, BFF?


----------



## Ravenlost

Joshie has a little lamb named La Bamba.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Ravenlost has a little obama doll named lambie pie.


----------



## Joshie

SS is makin' lamb pie with...... well, you get the picture.


----------



## soulsurvivor

... and Joshie has 3 bags full...











...of pillows. She hauls around pillows looking for any public pillow fights to join in and make a mess of feathers on city streets.... and they call her.....













.........Number 1 on the FBI's Most Wanted List for inciting pillow fights.....


----------



## beccachow

I'm back. I finally managed to break out of Oggie's lawn mower shed. 

SS stuffs her pillows with her belly button lint.


----------



## pattycake

Beccachow has just mentioned that she was intimidated by Oggie. That explains it all! She has told baseless lies about all of us because we intimidate her!! Every thing Becca has said is total lies!!!


----------



## beccachow

I wasn't intimidated, I was incarcerated!! He made me read Garfield and had one of those clocks with the moving eyes and tails...

I have only told ONE real lie about Pattycake. You'll just have to guess which one it is.  Pattycake, however, has taken this to a WHOLE new level.


----------



## pattycake

Oh no!! I am shaking in my shoes! Not!!! My life's quest will be to find out what your original lie was about me!!! Becca has just now exposed herself as a baseless liar!!!!


----------



## beccachow

First base, baby. First base.


----------



## Oggie

Beccachow liked it and purred the whole time.


----------



## beccachow

Never confuse a purr with the ticking of a time bomb. And all the Felix the Cat cartoons...*shudders.


----------



## pattycake

I fear we will all miss beccachow when she can no longer post here. She may be going to the big house soon as she completed her tax forms and mailed them today. Who gets an $85,000.00 refund? I doubt she will have internet access there.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Pattycake has several bombs installed in Becca's house, especially around her safe. She already knows the code, but the poor thing thinks it will be fun for an Easter egg hunt!! :shocked:


----------



## beccachow

Taxes??? What are these "taxes" of which you speak? I have never done anything called "taxes" in all my 44 errrr....29 years of existence. In fact, I...hang on, someone's at the door.

(PS: Heritag farms thinks that Bunny Poop is the same as chocolate Easter eggs and tries to dye each individual pellet. Pretty sad, really. Funny, but sad).


----------



## pattycake

Becca thinks that the Bunny poop thing is funny? She doesn't realize that those of us who pay the big "taxes" are forced to eat this stuff insread of real chocolate.


----------



## beccachow

I will be sure to eat before I come to YOUR house for dinner, PC. I suddenly realised what you meant by "Bunny Stew."


----------



## pattycake

Becca you will not be invited to our house as we are too poor to offer anything after paying our federal and state taxes. We can't even offer the bunny poop!!!


----------



## beccachow

Look, if you need me to call you a taxi, I will. Geesh. Why do people pay taxis??


----------



## pattycake

Okay, LOL!!!!


----------



## Joshie

PC eats chocolate boogers.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Joshie painted pattycake's walls with the boogers. Honestly, it looks lovely really. *continues painting with good ol' oil paint*


----------



## Joshie

HF likes to rent hotel rooms and paint pictures of cream separators on the wall.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Well, at least they pay me to do it. Occasionally I hire a random 5 year old to do the paintings, because it looks better then. 
Joshie likes to rent hotel rooms and plant stink bombs. She makes them by shoving a skunk in a spring-loaded canister with some food. After a day or so, it releases.


----------



## Joshie

Ummm, HF, they're paying you to _leave_, not to paint. The five year olds were promised ice cream cones if they could get you to leave. 

Another thing, while I know BCCCCC likes it when you take her leftover stinkbugs they hotels prefer that you not leave them in their rooms. Next time they ask if you're bringing any pets you ought to be honest.


----------



## pattycake

How very nice! I just heard that Joshie is hosting a surprise party for Oggie! She wants to let him know how much she appreciates him. Lots of good food and lots of invitations. So far she has invited Felix the Cat, Hello Kitty, Garfield, The Owl and the *****cat, The Cat and the Fiddle, The Cat in the cradle, The Cat in the Hat. She is still working on the invitation list if anyone has any ideas. Won't he love it!!!


----------



## Joshie

Pattycake has a new business venture. Her new company is called Patty Hose. She makes stockings for decks.


----------



## Joshie

Pattycake plays in sewer water.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie drinks Pattycake's sewer water.


----------



## Joshie

BCCC poured sewer water down my throat. She also bathes in it.


----------



## HorseGirl31

Joshie is actually a witch that kidnaps all the Peeps and adds Pattycake's sewer water to them, the puts it is SUPER fineprint! SHE has no sense of taste, so it does not bother her, giving her world reign on the Peep control!!!!


----------



## pattycake

Horsegirl was the one who invented the chocolate covered Peeps. Wonder what that "chocolate" stuff is?


----------



## soulsurvivor

I have to wonder about pattycake. I think she's petting the Peeps. Her hands are always sticky and covered in colored sugars.


----------



## Joshie

Anybody care to go to the hospital with me? My BFF Overdosed on Peeps.


----------



## HorseGirl31

Joshie is going to the hospital only cuz she likes the candy they give out to good patients....and they might have Peeps!


----------



## pattycake

Horsegirl, everyone knows that you are a supplier of Peeps! It might not be illegal but it is still not right! You know that certain people are overdosed but as we speak you are in line at CVS waiting to get that mark down on Peeps. It is just making a living to you but do you ever wonder how many people you hurt.


----------



## Joshie

BFF, I'm trying to find you! I know that stinkin' pattycake locked you in a janitor closet while you were receiving treatment. I'm trying to find you, dear SS.


----------



## pattycake

Soulsurvivor has abandoned Joshie because she no longer wants her name associated with Joshie. Sad but true and that's why the baseless lies thread has fallen on hard times.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Hey back at you BFF!! I've been a little bit under the weather since I visited pattycake last week:

[YOUTUBE]WLY-8_PfxAw[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## sticky_burr

^ they voted for obama and will again lmao


----------



## beccachow

AAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhcccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhoooooooooooooooo....


----------



## soulsurvivor

BCCC's sneezing has this effect on little kids:

[YOUTUBE]N9oxmRT2YWw[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## Joshie

BFF has started a new foundation called 'Save the Children' whose sole purpose is to save the world's children from BCCC's scary sneezes. You should never shake BCCCC's hands. She doesn't wash them after she blows her nose or uses the potty.


----------



## beccachow

Instead, I just dip them in Joshie's soups and stews for added flavor. Hey Joshie, soup's on!


----------



## soulsurvivor

Now now beccachow, Joshie has gone to a lot of trouble to post those little handwashing charts in your kitchen and bathroom. It's not nice to soup dip and tell.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Just thought I'd drop by and remind everyone that today is National Honesty Day. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .



:hysterical:


----------



## Guest

Just like a bunch of honest people. having their own day, and all. I do remember reading where politicians have been banned at lying contests. Makes you wonder....
So, in honor of liars everywhere, I'm offering a $100 paypal transfer to the best lie posted in this thread between now and midnight tonight.


----------



## beccachow

Zong wins.


----------



## pattycake

I agree that that Zong will be the winner but too bad as becca could use that $100.00 to help with what she has placed on a horse running in the Kentucky Derby. Never mind that the horse's name is "Can't Win".


----------



## PNP Katahdins

Pattycake will be placing her Derby bet on In Last Place to win. Zong likes Out in Front and Soulsurvivor favors At the Wire. The new race announcer is going to have problems.

Peg


----------



## pattycake

PNP Katahdins has placed her bets on "I"ve lost Six Times but am Trying Again". Lot's of luck to ya!


----------



## soulsurvivor

I love living in Kentucky.

[YOUTUBE]Hv8x9x5A49s[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## Joshie

SS won the Kentucky Derby.


----------



## Guest

And Joshie was the Jockey.


----------



## pattycake

Actually Zong was the Jockey! I cannot confirm this as I have been away (member of the Navy Seals) but I shouldn't say anything else.


----------



## Joshie

Pattycake makes fur coats out of baby seals.


----------



## clovis

Poor old Joshie.

She has been worked up in a tizzy this week and has been on the phone all day long. You see, Joshie has been trying to reach a member of PETA, to voice her concerns over the use of seals in dangerous Navy operations. She wants it stopped, and stopped now.


----------



## soulsurvivor

And don't feel too sorry for old clovis. He's got his front bridge work superglued in because he thought it would be a good idea to open a can of pears without using the can opener. Clovis also believes all engineers should be sent to beaver school.


----------



## beccachow

clovis said:


> Poor old Joshie.
> 
> She has been worked up in a tizzy this week and has been on the phone all day long. You see, Joshie has been trying to reach a member of PETA, to voice her concerns over the use of seals in dangerous Navy operations. She wants it stopped, and stopped now.


*snort. That just made me LOL.

Anywhooo...

SS wears her socks for thirteen weeks before washing them. She also has MANY long-distance friends.


----------



## Joshie

Hey, I'm not old.........

BCCCCC is a founding member of PETA.


----------



## pattycake

I for one knows Joshie is not old! I can't help it that everyone else says she looks like is at least fifteen years older. Give her a break please as constant lying about others can take a toll on you!


----------



## clovis

Pattycake has been telling folks all over town that she, herself, killed Osama Bin Laden, but we all know she wasn't on a high security Navy mission. She's been holed up in an abandoned K-Mart building in the rough part of town in Columbus, Ohio.


----------



## pattycake

Perhaps I was not the one who hit him (none of us knows for sure) but I was the one that yelled Geronimo, Geronimo, Geronimo!!


----------



## beccachow

pattycake, I have a video of you jumping up and down on your bed in tights and a cape yelling, "Geronimo." I suggest you come back to reality.


----------



## Joshie

BCCC _is _ Geronimo.


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow said:


> SS wears her socks for thirteen weeks before washing them. She also has MANY long-distance friends.


Well old smarty pants, I do wear them that long because there's never an ounce of sweat that leaves my body in the form of BO. Everything from me is pleasantly scented and the stuff only great perfumers dream about.

Oh, and call Joshie, you know, one of those MANY long-distance friends you have. She and I have just finished a nice afternoon tea and lau.. looking at the royal wedding pics again. She's following up on a rumor that's circulating about you and the royal hat designer being involved in some kind of underground bad business deal.


----------



## Joshie

My BFF is trying to teach BCC's horsey, Buddy, to bounce a ball on his nose.


----------



## beccachow

Sadly, the ball trick learning is over now, thanks to Joshie who thought it would be amusing for my poor horse to balance a bee hive on his nose instead.


----------



## pattycake

I just overheard a phone conversation that had beccachow calling Clovis and begging him to come back and help her. She says she was never a liar before he started this thread.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Take a drive by of pattycake's homestead. You can't miss it. There's a cell phone tower in her backyard that she uses to hang her purple martin birdhouses on and also some light laundry, mostly underwear with big holes. She's wired into phone conversations all over the community. We that know this like to aggravate her eavesdropping by pretending to be the Feds and demanding that pattycake surrender by raising a white flag, which for her is all that underwear with the big holes. We're all just country folks here and entertainment with each other is cheap.... ok, cost efficient.


----------



## Guest

Soulsurvivor is just jealous of pattycake because compared to interception of cell phone calls on coathangers, SS's former big hit trick of picking up local AM radio stations by biting down on a live dropcord while wearing braces just seems like an inadequate parlor trick.


----------



## Joshie

Zong drives around in a pick up truck wearing nothin' but tighty whiteys.


----------



## Guest

Only because Joshie stole my MC Hammer pants 20 years ago and has actually grown into them. Stop!! Hammertime!!








Can't touch this!


----------



## beccachow

ZOng has been feeding poor Joshie nothnig but ice cream and cookies, hoping she would fill out the pants. Now she is stuck in a chair. Kind of sad, really.


----------



## pattycake

Beccachow feels so abandoned by Clovis that she is trying to start her own Baseless Lies Thread. She also praises Pattycake for all the uses she gets from that cell phone tower since she knows that Patty also receives a wonderful yearly payment. That last raising of holey underwear netted her some big bucks!


----------



## soulsurvivor

No, pattycake didn't get big bucks for that cell tower, she got bucky points that she cashed in for plastic framed wall mirrors. She's got those ugly things hanging everywhere. She likes to look at her many faces. It's also the reason we refer to her house as "The Little House of Pattycake Horrors". Take a ticket, pay a dime, and get in line to view the scarey faces of pattycakers...


----------



## beccachow

Ahh, Soulsurvivor! Happy Birthday!!!! What are you today, 102 or 103?


----------



## HorseGirl31

Becca just doesn't want everybody to know that SHE is the witch that was in Tangled and is THOUSANDS of centuries old because of her magic golden flower!


----------



## PNP Katahdins

Becca Chow Chow Chow, didn't you know that Soulsurvivor is only 35 (again) today?

Peg


----------



## Heritagefarm

PNP owns an anti-aging machine. She owns sheep that are 40+ years old! I just wish she'd stop getting her sheep and BCCCCCCC mixed up. :shocked:


----------



## pattycake

Heritagefarm is mentioning the anti-aging thing because he has so much old cream that he wants folks to believe that old cream is as good as fresh cream.


----------



## HorseGirl31

Pattycake has decided to go and get Botox, which is actually HF's secret concoction of old cream!


----------



## Heritagefarm

Horsegirl owns the cream setting part of the operation. I sell her the cream, and she lets it sit in her house for a couple months until it becomes a congealed mass. She removes the flys, pasteurizes it, and runs it through a series of vicious lab tubes that turn it into a cancer-causing liver-damaging disaster and sells it as Botox (Short for Bonnie's Toxics). So, don't you dare blame me, pattycake, for that congealed mess that you bought! :shocked:


----------



## soulsurvivor

I like to walk and at my age that's a good thing. My walks generally take me by HeritageFarm's home and it's the oddest thing, but I hear a screechy voice that cackles and sings "Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble" over and over. Why... it makes the hairs on my chin stand straight up and I have to hurry over to pattycake's mirrors and take a look at myself. It's a big responsibility to stay properly groomed when you're as pretty as I am and have an adoring public to keep happy.


----------



## Joshie

SS has designed a new line of clothing made only of styrofoam cups. BCCC was first in line for an item called SS's Bikini Leani. BCCCCCCC is certainly a sight to see.


----------



## HorseGirl31

Joshie has decided that this styrofoam line of clothing is very trendy and has since filled her closet with that. Very inexpensive, but she is awfully squeaky, and she leaves a trail of little styrofoam bits everywhere!


----------



## Heritagefarm

Joshie said:


> SS has designed a new line of clothing made only of styrofoam cups. BCCC was first in line for an item called SS's Bikini Leani. BCCCCCCC is certainly a sight to see.


I dunno, with all these "fashions" today one might as well just wear styrofoam cups; it might actually look better than some of these modern fashions!

Horsegirl is still selling that Botox. Recently had a complaint about a customer's house smelling like cheese.


----------



## pattycake

Did anyone watch Dr. Oz today? Very disturbing as folks were on the show to attest to the fake BoTox applications that are out there. Some were permanent injections and have ruined people's life! I laid low but felt sick as I was sure that Heritagefarm has his fake products out there.


----------



## beccachow

I seriously need a baseless lies hug. I am having a tough time getting over the whole Scooter thing. Then you can carry on as normal.


----------



## PNP Katahdins

Clovis, Godfather of Baseless Lies, made a special trip to Maryland to give Becca Chow Chow Chow a hug. Her DH and DD got hugs too.

Peg


----------



## soulsurvivor

((((((((HUGGIES))))))))))))) to you and yours beccachow. Seriously, hope all smooths out for you in this time of grief.


----------



## HorseGirl31

X3 the hugs beccachow! I am so sorry.


----------



## beccachow

Thank you all.

Horsegirl, I am sorry about the whole outing you from your witness protection program. Were you able to find safety for your family and your top secret super intelligent colony of roaches? Rats, I did it again, didn't I?


----------



## Guest

Becca was the second "B" in ABBA. A good looking blond with a cute accent, she lost it all and caused the breakup of ABBA because the kept cracking up when her line "Take a Cha-Cha-Chance.." came up. Now, no ABBA, the Swedish government event even took away her accent. And all her ABBA money. She wanders aimlessly all over the place, chanting "Take a Cha-Cha-Chance" and cackling hysterically. As it should be...


----------



## soulsurvivor

It's obvious zong is a music appreciator and does have a finite ear for the twingings of vibrational sounds. Just as obvious is his love for a fine pair of shoes. He's been saving his pennies for years to afford the finest shoe ever offered in the undergrounds of fashion alertness, none other than the aquarium shoe, the perfect accessory for his "can't touch this" sense of identity.... behold, the zong shoe:










I sware he's going to become a doodle for google yet....


----------



## beccachow

SS wrote a sad, wistful song for Zong. It was a re-write of the Thong Song, aptly named, the ZONG Song. She was utterly entranced with his plumber's smile when he was over fixing her fridge the other week. She said she was watching hm lean over to pick up a screwdriver, and the Zong Song came to her. I haven't been able to tell Zong that A) he needs to wear a belt and B) SS keeps breaking her appliances on purpose now.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I'd like to sing the Zong Song for zong, but I'm doing a Bristol Palin jaw realignment surgery. I could maybe hum a few bars though. . . or is that bar a few hums... or .... you know? this is some mighty fine inhaler they give you for pain these days...


----------



## beccachow

That isn't a pain inhaler, it is spray paint. Which explains your pink face, I suppose :shrug:.


----------



## Joshie

BCCC, you're a meanie head. First you put my BFF behind bars and then you spray pain her pink.


----------



## pattycake

Clovis, Where are you? These people are out of control with their baseless lies. I am certain that you never meant for these lies to go so far! What's this song going "Zong, Zong, Your young and alive, come out of your....... sweet Zong. This is so wrong!


----------



## soulsurvivor

ooooo you whooooo.......clooooo-vis, come see what missy tattletale wants to tell you....... hey pattycake, want a whiff of my pain inhaler? It really does take the edge off. . . ok, it really offs the edge?..... it's some good stuff. I really likes my pink face :blossom:


----------



## beccachow

I am going on record as saying I am so ashamed of all my friends. :doh: SHAME ON YOU ALL!


----------



## Joshie

BCCC is messing with my internet making it nearly impossible for me to post. I WANT MY INTERNET BACK! BFF, please help me!


----------



## pattycake

Joshie, it's plain for everyone to see that Becca is backing off and pleading innocent of knowing some of you! Soul went to town to do her Friday shopping at the Dollar Store and was suddenly surrounded by the Ky Narcotic Team. She had totally forgotten about her pink face and one of the cashiers called the police on her. That pink face that once made her so happy has landed her in a jail cell.


----------



## Joshie

Pattycake, step away from the pink spray paint. There are groups for that.


----------



## beccachow

I have decided that from here on out, I will tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. No more lying for me, I have turned over a new leaf.

Speaking of leaves, Joshie, how is that leaf skirt you made working out for you? Just because it worked for Tinkerbell doesn't mean it will look good on everyone.

And THAT is the truth.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Truth? You want truth? All you had to do was ask nicely. I'll give you truth. Joshie wears leaf skirts because she's a natural girl. BCCC wears sunglasses to make herself not look. Pattycake wears ear plugs to keep out the screams of her family while she parades around the house in her birthday suit. And I wear a pink face because it's my favorite color right now. .. . 

hmm, ok, none of that is true so allow me to try again....

Joshie likes to wear what she smokes. BCCC is a peeping girl. Pattycake never wears clothes. And I'm beautiful and never need a disguise. . . . 

I'm liking this truth thing.


----------



## clovis

Let's all settle down now...

I just talked to the police, and they've detained soulsurvivor.

It seems that soul has mis-spent not only her youth, but her retirement money too.

She is now buying wrapped coins from all the local banks, and then returning them for cash, but only after she has shorted each roll by one coin. The police didn't become involved until she tried shorting each roll by two coins.

She made $12.87 yesterday doing this, but it won't cover her bail bond.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Clovis grows cloves. Only problem is that he also has an orange garden (he has a GE variety that grow in the desert) and gets them confused. He has a lot of people on his tail about allergies, especially when he sticks pennies in the oranges. :shocked:


----------



## pattycake

Heritagefarm is throwing darts at clovis because he is in fear of clovis. Clovis is the Godfather of this thread and anyone who does not respect and believe this will come to harm. Thanks to Clovis we can now rest as he tells us that SS has been detained.


----------



## Joshie

Pattycake looks like Pippy Longstocking.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Me and Joshie are outrunning the law and we're on the trail of NickiL because she can tell us where the silver eagles are hiding. We need a few silvers to up our ante at the backroom poker game at the jail. If we're not back by morning, the deputies are going to issue an all points bulletin that me and Joshie are bounty babes and worth a whole lot of reward money. . . ok, not really, but the deputies would appreciate any contribution that could be made to their monthly potluck fund.


----------



## soulsurvivor

ok, what day is it? I've kinda lost track of time in behind all them bars. So where is everybody? Yoo Hoo, anyone got a good cold drink for a dried out throat?


----------



## beccachow

Today is Friday, May 51, 2042. Hope that helps!


----------



## Joshie

BCCC needs a new watch and that ain't no lie! Oh, and you can't use any of our silver to make one.


----------



## megafatcat

Joshie is in hiding to avoid a suponea in the new Blagoyavitch (sp) trial.


----------



## Heritagefarm

BCCCC and Joshie flunked watch making class. They are great at making anvils and hammers, however... Huh. Maybe that is what happened.
Megafatcat is trying out for said Borgawitch trial. Maybe they will show him watchmaking skills.


----------



## Joshie

HF *is* Blago. You really cannot trust any IL politician and I do mean any......

It is spelled Blagojevich (Bla-goy-a-vich). Google is a wonderful thing. I mean, I'd think you'd know how to spell your own name, HF. :nono:


----------



## beccachow

Megacat is tryng to get HF to spill the beans on Joshie's whereabouts for the suponea. Little does she know, HF will spill the beans for a quarter and a cup of coffee. Meanwhile, I will NEVER tell anyone that Joshie is hiding in the sewers of New York City, you can't make me.


----------



## Joshie

We've already been through this, BCCC. We know you drink sewer water.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Joshie has formed a wonderful concoction of medicine. She's been studying electron valences so much, it was only a short while before it happened. She used sewer to make it. Claims it works real well on dandruff. I'll take her word for it, and she can keep it. :shocked: I'm off to work on my next Blagardjavelin trial. Does anyone want to vote for me as Presidente? I'll give everyone a Butterfinger if you do.


----------



## soulsurvivor

You need all the PR help you can get Heritagefarm if you're going to use those old lines like "pull my Butterfinger".... yea, right.... and you're running for a political office? You know? They need a governor in California. I think all you have to do is volunteer to be the governor without pay. Oh, and maybe sleep inside a department store window display... no, wait, I think that's in NYC..... well whatever, we'll be looking for ya! :clap:


----------



## Joshie

My BFF made HF all purty before locking him in that department store window. I will say he looks mighty nice is that pretty pink and white dotted dress, the pony tail, and that lovely red lipstick.


----------



## Joshie

BCCC has been dropping cats off at Oggie's house for years.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Shhh, Joshie, I don't want my true identity known! After all, you paid for all that plastic surgery...


----------



## clovis

HeritageFarm is so dumb that he stood for three hours staring at a orange juice can because he read the word 'concentrate' on the label.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I've heard that clovis is seriously considering changing his name. He keeps getting mail for clover, the cow next door. So, what is so awful about mail for a cow? Well, it seems clover has a long history of back taxes that need paying. You can run but you can't hide.


----------



## Heritagefarm

I can't read, and it was SS who told me the bottle said "COncentrate" anyways, so it was all SS's fault. And SS is going to change her name, as well. She is tired of getting hissed at.


----------



## beccachow

It appears all the rest posted truths, and I suppose I am the only liar since I am the only one who didn't get raptured. Hopefully they will come back for me.


----------



## Guest

I feel your pain, Becca. I woke up this morning and the dog was the only one gone. But, to tell a lie about you, well, I just cant. Since you always call me Zongalicious and kept sending me $10 every month to not be too rough on you..... I just cant lie about you. So sorry.


----------



## Joshie

Zong's the world's best known topless volleyball player. Yep, Zong is bald as a billiard cube.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie has many redeeming qualities but tactful isn't one of them. She's again the master of brevity and wastes no time telling you what she thinks. She's the perfect BFF. 

Not knowing what else to do, I went to Joshie with the question "am I a hisser?" 

Her quick response was no, I am not a hisser. The hissing sound is coming from Heritagefarms' new crop of hissing cockroaches. He's selling the cockroaches as a "lobster of the insect world". 

Thank you Joshie and I can now ssstop being ssstiff with fury over Heritagefarms' wild claim that I'm hissing. Besides, I think it might be his tractor tires going flat, or sssomething.


----------



## beccachow

SS, no one has the guts to tell you, so as usual it is left to me. The hiss is the air coming out of your head.


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow said:


> SS, no one has the guts to tell you, so as usual it is left to me. The hiss is the air coming out of your head.


Sorry to bother you with this, but that's my way of seeking out intelligent life. Went right by you didn't it?


----------



## Joshie

Ya know I love you, BFF, but you gotta stop plucking those danged butterflies outta BCCCCC's head.


----------



## Joshie

BCCC threw a rock at stink bugs but hit my BFF instead.


----------



## Joshie

HELLO, HELLO! Is everyone else at the big house?


----------



## PNP Katahdins

Joshie must still be locked up in solitary at the Big House. I didn't know they could do that to a horse.

Peg


----------



## Guest

PNP's Naaaammme is Mister Eddddd


----------



## soulsurvivor

zong is working out the details with clovis, but there's going to be a new feature to this thread. Beccachow is going be a judge on if you're telling a lie or not. If it's a lie she gives zong the cue to hit a gong shield that will vibrate and shake some sense into you. It's going to be called the Zong Gong effect and may go into textbooks for future presidential contenders to study. 

Don't Push That Button!
[YOUTUBE]QbHwbgIELCc[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## Joshie

BFF, you have somethin' stuck between your two front teeth. Next time you might want to remember not to taste anything Becky cooks. It always seems to be gooey, black, and be rather pungent.


----------



## beccachow

I claim Zong Gong.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I know you're right Joshie. Becca is a good judge of lies but her cooking leaves a lot to be desired. I'm not wanting to upset her by refusing to taste, but if she offers me one more chocolate dipped stinkbug I'm going to have to refuse on the grounds that I need a fifth.


----------



## pattycake

Soulsurvivor's husband had his credit card stolen but decided not to report it as the thief was spending less than his wife did! Go easy on me as I am typing this with a broken wrist!


----------



## Heritagefarm

Pattycake broke her wrist with a credit card. She thought she had a magnet built in.


----------



## beccachow

Ok, the last three or four had me laughing out loud.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Beccachow hates calling lies on us. It's not that she's that kind hearted. She just can't stand the sound of Zong's Gong which has to be rung on every revealed lie. She's claiming the sound is bothering the fillings in her teeth. I wish I could get close enough to ring that gong on her lie cause I know for a fact she's wearing dentures. She's so tight she takes her dentures out of her mouth and uses them like a mini food chopper. 

oooh, I'm tellin' ya, that's an appetite killer for me. 

As my little grandson says, "num num num".....


----------



## Guest

SS searched for years for a snappy byline, going, as many of us do, from A to Z. Sadly, the term "Verminous Blunderbuss" (and every potential combination thereof) got stuck in her mind for 18 months. Eventually she settled on "Huh?"


----------



## beccachow

I'm starting to feel as if I cannot trust you people any more, like as if you lie about everything. I am sorry to feel this way, it's not YOU , it's me. Ok, no, it IS you.


----------



## soulsurvivor

It's my civic duty to remind everyone that it's a bad world out there and sometimes it gets reflected here on this liars' thread. I'm not naming names as I'm certain it's obvious to those who see the truth.


----------



## beccachow

Yet another lie...it is a glorious world made of ainbows and pink unicorns. At least that's what you told me while you were sniffing your spray paint. Byt he way, how did the intervention go for that??


----------



## soulsurvivor

Is that you beccachow? Could you please speak up? I'm sitting here enveloped in a thick cloud of skunk spray and my mind is busy searching for an escape. . . gosh, 12:30 late night and my house attracts a horny skunk...


----------



## Joshie

My dear BFF, I think it's time to give up on your dream of training skunks to deliver stink bugs to BCCCCC's house.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Oh, hey there Joshie and long time no see. Did you know that your C key is sticking? Oh, and I can't do the Pepe LePhew thing. And pretty certain I don't want to try the Bugs on Rugs thing either. So now what?


----------



## pattycake

As I don''t have much time to spend on HST I usually just read a few favorite threads. I always start with 'What's for Supper" and drool over what folks post. SoulSurvivor posts frequently and always adds little frills and thrills. The latest was "angus", Squash and Vadalia onion packs", etc. More lies folks! Her Angus burgers are bought pre-packaged at Walmart and are 35% lean. Everything she buys is Great Value brands as she loves and appreciates the high fat content.


----------



## clovis

Anyone else getting sick of Pattycake's "What's for Supper" contributions?

I mean, how many times can she post:

"Cold pop tarts and left over McDonald's french fries. Lay out the cold fries on a cookie sheet, and warm them in the oven. They really aren't that bad. Serve it all with some cold tap water as a refreshing beverage."


----------



## Heritagefarm

That seems to be her best recipe! Pond water goes better, though. (That's according to Clovis, don't take my word for it.) I myself am fond of one of closiv's other recipe:
1 diced poltroon
25 fried cicadas, freshly tree-dropped
1# blowtorched wife's hair
as well as 1 horse Apple as a topper with sheep Berries mixed with cow Pies. Make sure to bake at 500Âº first.....:shocked:


----------



## soulsurvivor

THC has been accused of food abuse, and Pattycake probably will be when it's discovered she broke her wrist while arm wrestling a live Maine lobster. But clovis is probably the worst of all for food abuse. He says he loves the car races, but what he doesn't tell you is that he has to buy hotdogs there and then sit on them "accidently" before eating.


----------



## pattycake

Okay, it's true that I broke my wrist while wrestling a live lobster! I also read the frugal thread and had heard that I could get my meal free if I won. I won but didn't read the fine print that I would be responsible for my own medical cost. My co-pay will far exceed the cost of the lobster meal. Live and learn! I am here to admit that I have told many baseless lies and I seek total absolution for my sins as I go under the knife at 2:00 pm tomorrow. Please tell me that you forgive me.


----------



## NickieL

pattycake is getting a boob job at 2 pm tomorrow LOL!


----------



## Heritagefarm

Pattycake is afraid that the dead lobster will come back as a ghost and stab her at 2:00. She's had it happen before, but never told anyone since she woke up, shot it and had it for dinner that night again. (Patty never learned about thermodynamics in school)


----------



## soulsurvivor

Heritagefarm has been assured by medical professionals that he does have mental activity ongoing in his pea brain. The problems occur when the big gear sometimes locks up and throws electrical sparks causing a slight risk for forest fires. He's been banned from Arizona.


----------



## soulsurvivor

pattycake said:


> Okay, it's true that I broke my wrist while wrestling a live lobster! I also read the frugal thread and had heard that I could get my meal free if I won. I won but didn't read the fine print that I would be responsible for my own medical cost. My co-pay will far exceed the cost of the lobster meal. Live and learn! I am here to admit that I have told many baseless lies and I seek total absolution for my sins as I go under the knife at 2:00 pm tomorrow. Please tell me that you forgive me.



I'm no person of the cloth, unless gingham counts, but you have my forgiveness. If you find that NickiL sterilized your surgical instruments you may want to reconsider this surgery until a safer and undisclosed location can be assured. She thinks boobs grow on wrists and we'd certainly hate to see you come through a wrist surgery only to discover that you have a fine D nipple as a new bracelet.


----------



## Joshie

I've always wondered why you have melons growing on your wrists, my BFF. Hmmm, it might be a good idea to stop visiting NickieL. I know you like to look at her garden but, well, you do look a little funny with those firm fruits. They've got to make gardening rather difficult.


----------



## clovis

Anyone wanna know how pattycake really broke her arm?

She was in a rastlin' match with Joshie...25 bucks to the winner. She had the entire neighborhood gathered around in her front yard, watching with great interest, and making side bets with one another.

After pattycake won, she eased the pain with some of her "special recipe" (corn mash likker), and saying, "Someone give me a bullet to bite on!!!"


----------



## beccachow

My vertigo is giving me a new sense of truth and enlightenment. Patty cake did NOT win, she lost an arm wrestling match...with ehrself Very huiliating.


----------



## Joshie

I'm not lying when I say that BCCC speaks the truth. I'm now $25 richer and am such a nice gal that I even stiched pattycake's arm right back on.


----------



## clovis

Joshie stitched it up...that's right...using some yellow string Pattycake uses to mark off rows in the garden.

Joshie claimed to be a nurse, but we all know that the only thing Joshie nurses is a bottle of likker. 

You ought to see the arm. It is kind of gross and interesting at the same time.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Clovis enjoys bungee jumping with said yeller twon. 'T sez it werks reeeel smooth, up, down, up, down, in a constant, nauseating, room-spinning... No, wait... I've just had too much egg nog.


----------



## pattycake

What are you bunch of losers doing on page four of HSTD!! We are number one and this is what happens when I have wrist surgery with a plate put in? I am typing with my left hand and can tell a better lie than all of you losers!! Heritage can put it out but can't take it! He is such a loser that his famous half and half has been downgraded to twenty-five/twenty-five. Once this is out I bet he cannot afford his internet bill.


----------



## beccachow

Oh, we hve been chastised by a peppermint candy. gosh save the queen, lol.


----------



## beccachow

Hello? Hello? Oh great, I killed another thread.


----------



## PNP Katahdins

Becky, you're supposed to tell lies about someone else, not about yourself. You need a new puppy or pony or something to take your mind off being a serial thread-killer, maybe some new clothes or something to perk you up. No plaids or checks though, that's what's making your mind spin so much. Especially stay away from anything houndstooth!

Peg


----------



## soulsurvivor

I'm standing here in complete adoring silence Peg. Your empathy for the impact of visual fashion has overpowered and impressed me. If you don't mind could you please share why you wear neon green glow in the dark jewelry? If it was close to Halloween I wouldn't even ask, but since that's still a ways off maybe there's another reason?

:happy2:


----------



## pattycake

A thread killer is loose!! A thread killer is loose!! Soul is trying to avert our attention away from this scary situation because she craves attention on herself!


----------



## soulsurvivor

Fess up pattycake! You're in training to be the backup tornado siren aren't you?


----------



## beccachow

Who you calling thread killer?? oh...that's right...never mind, my bad.

Luckily PNP, SS adn Patty cake used voodoo magic to bring the trhead back to life. It involved chikens, cockroaches and a naked dance wearing neon jewelry. I am still blind from the sight of it.


----------



## soulsurvivor

WELL I never!! Is that all the thanks we get for trying to clear your aura for you???

I ain't doing no more voo doodie for anyone. . . . x-cuze me while I go find a brillo pad and some bleach.


----------



## Heritagefarm

SS (Stainless Steel) is starting a voodoodoo SSWool factory. She has a farncy logo 'n' ev'ryt'ing. S'e ev'n p't a w'ole bu'ch o' litt'e '''''' on i', as wel'. Sa's makes t' loo' bette'.


----------



## soulsurvivor

THF, you just kinda fade off into somewhere don't know where land don't you? I made it to the wool factory but I don't understand anything you said after that. I'll tell you a secret but you have to keep quiet and not spoil the big surprise. I'm making a soft lambswool blankie for pattycake to use to rest her arm and wrist on when she's sitting at her computer. I hope it helps to ease some of her anxiety and pain. She gets a bit shrill when she's hurting, like any of us would in the same circumstances.


----------



## clovis

Soulsurvivor is so dumb that she recently asked for food stamps at the post office.

"Money is getting a little tight in our house at the end of the month" she explained, "and I need some free vittles."


----------



## megafatcat

Clovis has been soliciting funds for the Society of Porcine Obesity Prevention because of a mistaken belief that it had to do with sodapop instead of SOPOP.


----------



## Joshie

I just discovered that fatcat lives on a diet of Mountain Dew and Pork sausage. It explains so much........


----------



## beccachow

Joshie stole HF's ability to spell. Not a big help, since he cannot spell either.


----------



## Joshie

You callin' me a he? Pfffft! Hubby begs to differ! Oh, I forgot to ask..... how are you doing since the sex change operation? Are you still going to change your name to bernardchowchow?


----------



## megafatcat

Joshie has reduced her hubbie to begging on the streets for differs. That once proud, handsome man, she has him dressed in dirty rags to support her differ habit.


----------



## beccachow

Spew alert on that one, Megafatcat.

But, spewing shuldn't be a surprise to you...your record of shooting milk 25 feet from your nose has yet to be matched.


----------



## pattycake

Oh No!!! Red Alert, Red Alert!!! The thread killer is back! None of us can sleep soundly tonight with Becca around! We may all be gone when we wake in the morn!! Good-bye everyone!


----------



## beccachow

pattycake, we all know you are a vampire and will stand guard all night, between the bloodsucking and mutilations. The funny part...I mean, the saddest part...is that she suffers a gentic defect that renders her as small as a mosquito. So watch where you are smacking....


----------



## Heritagefarm

Beccachow owns a gene gun and enjoys randomly walking around poking genes into people. That's why Joshie actually now IS a mosquito. It is very hard to type. Beccachow keeps wondering why she's waking up with so many mosquito bites.


----------



## pattycake

Heritagefarm is ashamed to tell us that the only people buying his cream is Walmart. Heritage, there is nothing to hide that your cream is now marketed as Great Value.


----------



## soulsurvivor

whoa, guess I'll have to leave that Great Value cream at the store. I can't be having the ever present danger of escaping viral ticks breeding out of that cream. It's bad enough to try and visit pattycake to offer sympathies for her misery. And now she's got HeritageFarm's tick breeding cream in her house. I can't say much more. I don't want to be the reason the police tape her house with yellow ribbons again.


----------



## pattycake

Soul is a liar with her pants on fire! CreamMan is in Mo and I am in In so I can't be charged with anything! Did you say misery? You bet I am in misery after getting a cast today that will stay on for six weeks!!! Somebody needs to pay for this! Who will it be? Let me sleep on it and I will let you know! So sleep tight (Soul) and don't let the bed bugs bite.


----------



## soulsurvivor

As zong so famously says, HUH??

You can't be serious. How would I reach you in IN? I'm always out in KY and never go in IN. I hear that's a dangerous place to drive through. I know which side of the OH HI OH to stay put on. :indif:


----------



## Joshie

After my BFF lit the campfire she flicked the match a little too close to pattycake. Her pants were on fire because of all that gas she produces. Well, it was the gas and those horrible lies...... I'm so glad I never tell lies.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I wish I had a penny for every lie BFF has told. I'd be filthy rich. See if you can convince her to share the biggest lie she's ever told. I would, but I'm her BFF and it's against the rules.


----------



## Joshie

This is no lie. My BFF has once again missed her meds.


----------



## pattycake

Joshie, Joshie, Joshie, You lie when you say your BFF has missed her meds! She is on no meds! She is just a big ole Kentucky Wildcat Liar. There is no fix for that.


----------



## clovis

I saw pattycake on TV tonight. 

They were interviewing her about the huge bandage on her arm. Now she is claiming to have been attacked by wild bobcats that were roaming in her backyard.

You ought to hear her story...it is a pretty wild story...but we all know it is a lie because bobcats aren't found in the wild in Indiana.


----------



## Joshie

I saw clovis prowlin' 'round patty's neighborhood wearin' a bobcat costume.


----------



## beccachow

Josie, sadly, was the one driving the car that hit clovis while in his bobcat costume. Some fool told her (SS, I suspect) there was a pinata on the other side of town, gave her a blindfold and bat, and told her to go get it. She didn't know she was supposed to WAIT to put the blindfold on. Luckily, when Clovis saw the bat it the backseat, he continued to play dead. He fooled everyone, then got up and limped away. TWO practical jokes gone bad at the same time. State of the world today, I suppose, when dealing with Looney Bin escapees.


----------



## 2doordad

beccachow once killed a man just for snoring too loud.


----------



## pattycake

2doordad once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.


----------



## stickinthemud

'cept 2door only got to watch him hop down the street cussn. Seriously poor aim.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I love spending time with stickinthemud. She's really slow like me and can make a popsicle last forever. She uses the popsicle sticks to dig herself out of troubles and potholes. Oh, and she made a real cute noah's ark with some of her sticks. I think she's entering that one in the county fair's craft division for judging. I sure hope she gets a blue ribbon. She got real upset last year cause her mud cake entry didn't even get an honorable mention. It really hurt her feelings when pattycake's peppermint pot pie got the ribbon. Everyone was giggling and tasting pp's minty pot sensation. I loved watching all the giggling judges linedancing over to the craft section. They sure had a good time.


----------



## beccachow

SS used her popsickle stick to dig out of prison. She started 10 years ago, I think she has made it about 13 inches so far. :goodjob:


----------



## Guest

Becca, you know how I feel about you, we'll always be friends. But stop calling me all day and night telling me"If you smoke more than an ounce of weed, or drink more than a gallon of booze in less than 24 hours, always keep an extra pair of glasses to look for the pair of glasses you lost" I just don't care.
I just don"t need to hear that. Oh, man, where did I put my glasses. I can't see nothing...
ETA: Wish I had a different username. Everybody associates this name with booze and pot..... All because of Becca. Why you do me like that?? Why??? Didn't I do the best I could with the "Spell Mississippi" contest??


----------



## pattycake

Poor Zong has lost his Drug Addiction Counseling license (after 12 years of school and $110,000.00 in school loans) due to the antics of Becca and Soul! They used his services relentlessly and never paid him a dime. Life is just a joke to them.


----------



## clovis

Pattycake knows a thing or two about counseling and treatment. She's favored "Papa's special recipe" for many years.


----------



## Joshie

Clovis, otherwise known as Papa, is famous for his tasty fudgesicles. Unfortunately, he buys his discount ingredients from BCCCC and we all know what she uses in her cooking... stinkbugs.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I hold only the highest regard for clovis the founder of our liar's thread, but things quickly take a swerve from there to here. I hate to even think it, but I'm almost positive that clovis has been doing secret under the cover research on how to use free peaches to make moonshine. I've overheard him calling it peachy keen. In my neck of the woods only the best of the best is called peachy keen. I haven't heard him offering to share either. I wouldn't mind having about a thimble full to keep in my sewing kit for tough times.


----------



## soulsurvivor

You really have to stay on your toes to keep up with my BFF. She's always where the real action is happening and has probably already got her peachy keen sample of moonshine.


----------



## 2doordad

soulsurvivors favorite movie is Footloose.


----------



## Joshie

2door's foot came loose from his leg and went through one door while he went through the other.


----------



## Heritagefarm

2door's foot then whacked Josjie's foot off, replaced it. Then her foot whacked SSSS's foot off and replaced it. And so on and so on. Some people, though, are getting real big feet and some are getting small. I saw a small boy by Joshie's house with a size 14 foot, and a big grown man with a small boy's foot. :shocked:


----------



## 2doordad

Heritagefarm has a secret collection of belly button lent. We is going to build a lifesize sculpture of Lawrence Welk.


----------



## Cash

2doordad only has one door.


----------



## Fowler

Cash makes his cash by selling twinkies and doritos at Marijuana dispensary stations.


----------



## 2doordad

Fowler makes her money selling marijuana at twinkie and doritio dispensary stations. She also knows the way to San Jose.


----------



## Joshie

2door is responsible for naming San Jose, IL. For those who don't know, it's pronounced like San Joe's. He's also responsible for naming Monica, IL, which, as we all know, is pronounced Mo-neek-a.


----------



## pattycake

Joshie is just telling random lies off the top of her head. Her BFF has messed with her mind so much that Joshie has one foot in the real world but the other foot in unreality. I have thought about sending a letter to Dr. Phil to see if we could get her some help.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Dr. Phil knows to ignore pattycake. She's been a guest on his show before and he's still miffed about her bad attitude and not accepting that free week at the Betty Ford clinic.


----------



## Joshie

I know my BFF hates to discuss her patients' cases but I read the court records and must warn everyone. Pattycake was recently arrested for impersonating Dr. Phil. SS is a wonderful therapist but pattycake is a tough nut to crack.

By the way, 2door tried to give up lint for lent but, well, he wasn't exactly very successful.


----------



## 2doordad

joshie steals gum at wal-mart.


----------



## soulsurvivor

2doordad still hasn't fully recovered from shock therapy. He sees double everything. Going to the bathroom gives him a panic attack.


----------



## 2doordad

We like to call it electro convulsive therapy. Soulsurvivor has a wooden leg with a kick-stand on it.


----------



## beccachow

2doordad actually has 6 doors, he just isn't sure where the other four are. Sadly, the only two doors he can find lead to the bathroom, and the linen closet. he hasn't been out of his house in nearly 6 years. I wuold go ffer to help him find the other doors, but my house was built without any doors so I cannot get out either.


----------



## 2doordad

I could lend you a door. Beccachow has a cable access show about hunting Bigfoot.


----------



## pattycake

Poor 2doordad has been sucked into this black vortex of baseless lies. We will all be singing that song "Did he ever return, no he never returned and his fate is still unknown". He was just an innocent homesteader before he met up with the likes of these liars.


----------



## beccachow

2DoorDad, I just want you to know. I alone tell the truth amongst this gaggle of untruth. Read my posts here for the real scoop on this batch of conniving lying cheating thieves, especially pattycake, who stole from the baker's man when he tried to make a pie as fast as he can, and it just wasn't fast enough.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Save it BCCC. I doubt 2doordad is that gullible. . . although he did give up his favorite door to Monty Hall.


----------



## 2doordad

2door can't really read.


----------



## beccachow

yeah, we know, 2D. The price really WAS right, you know.


----------



## Cash

Becca's real name is Gertrude.


----------



## Guest

Cash is mad cause his name ain't Gertrude. BTW, all Gertrudes ain't Gertrude Stein. Some are Hot_Lil_Gertrude_You_Know_You_Want_Me_23. Ask me how I know...


----------



## soulsurvivor

zong lies like a rug in front of beccachow.


----------



## Guest

Soulsurvivor is jealous of my and Becca's relationship. SS either A: wishes I would lay in front of SS like a rug. or B: wishes SS could lay in front of Becca like a rug, No matter which, it would be so easy to relieve those feelings of frustration. Just say, "Can I lay in front of you like a rug?" Go ahead, it's easy. First word, "Can" Go on and say it, such an easy word. even easier is the second one. "I" you know how it will all end up.....


----------



## pattycake

Soul is so humiliated by Zong's post that she is going to finally admit to her lies and troublemaking! She is also going to admit herself to a nursing home to try and cool her heals some.


----------



## Joshie

Zong is t_rying_ to learn the alphabet. He's not doing all that well but he is trying.


----------



## beccachow

Ahh, I wondered if it would be Zong or Joshie who would get out of preschool first. Congrats to Zong, and it only took 3 years.


----------



## beccachow

Pattycake's REAL name is urinal cake. Don't' ask her to explain, it will give you nightmares.


----------



## 2doordad

beccachow has sixteen fingers.


----------



## clovis

2doordads favorite movie is _Sixteen Candles._

The shrine that he built for Molly Ringwald in his family room is a little creepy, to say the least.


----------



## 2doordad

It's a magical place. Zong gave his right arm to be left handed.


----------



## pattycake

Everyone is laying low since 2doordad witnessed Clovis trying out on America's Got Talent. 2 door go ahead and post what you saw. Clovis is not nearly as mean as the others.


----------



## 2doordad

All I will say is tere were three soup cans, four bowling pins, a cat in overalls and a snare drum.......oh and stroub lights. Did I misspell that?


----------



## soulsurvivor

You know what? If you substitute brew bottles for the soup cans and pattycake in the overalls, you would be close to describing her nightclub act that was based on the premise of what happens if you wear old overalls with faulty fastenings and accidently getting hit in a bowling alley by several flying brew bottles. The ramifications of that sight then threw the strobe lights into flashing action to indicate what at first appeared to be a random act of flashing by pattycake in the faulty overalls that dropped at the first sign of trouble on the fly. 

um, yea, well I'm talking in my sleep if you happen to notice the time of this post... :ashamed: I always plead the fifth and take it straight one shot at a time.

pattycake or pattycat, close enough on the spelling...


----------



## pattycake

Decoded to say "I am drinking straight shots, one at a time until I finish a fifth of whiskey! Poor Soul! Nice little homesteader by day (with all those lovely home cooked meals) and wild vixen by night as the rest of us slumber in sweet dreams.


----------



## beccachow

(lololol!!!! @Pattycake).

Pattycake can never bake a rum cake because she always "samples the goods" before she adds them to the cake. I've told her bottle after bottle, Rum will NOT spoil, but she insists.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Of course beccachow doesn't drink rum but she does soak her bubblegum in rum before chewing it. She claims it has hidden health benefits.


----------



## beccachow

SS can only dream of chewing gum. Her first head has no teeth, and the other head sitting next to it only has bottom teeth.


----------



## Guest

You know what? I'm sick of these lies. Instead of being jealous of Beccachows abilities to hold her booze, SS needs to take the same approach as Becca and I did. Years and years of practice and failures to get to where we are now. We can handle our booze! and bubble gum! and those Mrs Paul's fish sticks too. You just ain't trying hard enough, SS. Remember the words of the bard(WC Fields). "Anybody that ain't drunk by noon just ain't trying"


----------



## beccachow

Zong, you know you are drunk by 9am. That's why you think SS has FOUR heads instead of two.


----------



## 2doordad

beccachow is really Mrs. Paul.


----------



## Joshie

2door is really excited about the upcoming holiday. He always grills skunk steak on the 4th of July.


----------



## 2doordad

Joshie was once "removed" from Graceland for "acting up". It's not really skunk it's armadillo, and it taste like skunk.


----------



## pattycake

2doordad is busy getting for his hometown 4th of July parade. Just see how many hits he had made to Walmart People. He is convinced that this will make him rich and famous!


----------



## beccachow

Pattycake has a beard so long she has been asked to play Uncle Sam in HER town's 4th of July parade.


----------



## clovis

Becca chow is so dumb that, when I talked to her last week, I said "July 4th is just around the corner."

She walked off and started looking for it.


----------



## Guest

As Clovis well knows, If you speak quantum physics fluently, "around the corner" can indeed mean "around the corner" or conversely, simply mean "around the corner" That's the beauty of quantum physics. Just yesterday, I posted something similar on my facebook profile. Or, in QP, possibly dissimilar. LOL. That always cracks me up. Clovis understands.


----------



## beccachow

Awww, Zong apparently started his Liquid Celebration early today in honor of the holiday. party on, dude.


----------



## 2doordad

beccachow is blogging from prison.


----------



## clovis

If anyone knows about prison, it is 2door.

That is exactly where his name comes from...2 doors on the cell block before you get to the prison court yard. It might be minimum security, but it is still prison.


----------



## Joshie

Clovis is a game warden. Funny thing is.... he keep all the various animals under his control in 5X12' cells. I heard a fluffy little rabbit talk about a prison escape.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie is Dr. Doolittle, apparently. She talks to the animals all the time. She doesn't let the fact that they don't answer her bother her one little bit.


----------



## 2doordad

curiosity killed the cat but for a while beccachow was a suspect.


----------



## Joshie

2door's real name is Oggie.


----------



## 2doordad

Joshie watches the dances with wolves everynight before bed.


----------



## pattycake

2doordad sleeps over at Joshie's house every evening. That's how he knows what she watches every night.


----------



## 2doordad

pattycake made my foottie P.J's that I wear. We call it a pajama-jammie-jam.


----------



## clovis

2door's favorite song of all time is _A boy named Sue_.

He had 4 boys of his own, and adopted 3 more.

You guessed it, he named them all Sue, just because he thought it was cool.


----------



## pattycake

Poor Clovis! He was the original boy named Sue! He was the one to throw down his gun and he called him "my Dad" and he called me "my son". That was Clovis'a shining hour!! Poor, poor Clovis!! We are all here for you!


----------



## megafatcat

Pattycake peeps in Joshie's window every nite trying to get pointers from her and 2door.


----------



## beccachow

Pattycake has a new invention called a clovisa. She has no idea what it does, but she likes the name. :shrug:


----------



## beccachow

megafatcat said:


> Pattycake peeps in Joshie's window every nite trying to get pointers from her and 2door.


Megafatcat, you're just mad because she backed out of the picture deal. Though why on earth you two want pics of Joshie and 2Door changing the oil in the cars is beyond me.


----------



## clovis

beccachow said:


> Pattycake has a new invention called a clovisa. She has no idea what it does, but she likes the name. :shrug:


It is *clovista*, and it is a wonderful invention, thank you very much.

It is a battery operated clove grinder, that doubles as an exercise and weight loss machine, helping you burn unwanted calories by the use of magical magnets, while the other end of the grinder acts as a shot glass.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Well what do you know? I thought it was a new type of visa card and was trying to make it work at the ATM. But then I spotted a printed receipt a former customer had left and forgot all about my pennies. The receipt was for a 100 millon dollar account and the customer had only withdrawn a few hundred dollars. I'm still trying to decide what to do with it since the bank is closed for the night. So far my tears of joy haven't messed it up too bad.


----------



## pattycake

Soulsurvivor was up all night trying to figure out how to hack into this 100 million dollar account! This is why she has such a high dollar retirement! All I wish for is enough money to buy the the Clovista! My social security check will not streatch that far.


----------



## megafatcat

Pattycake has Clovista envy and a secret desire to posess all things magnetic. Which is why no-one can drive to visit her and her monster truck cannot leave the garage, the magnetic field is too strong.


----------



## beccachow

Megafatcat is really a tiny, thin mouse.


----------



## Guest

Becca's computer mouse is about the size of a suitcase full of week old stolen grapefruits.


----------



## beccachow

Zong, do NOT implicate me in your mad plan to take over the world with stolen grapefruits.


----------



## pattycake

Mega, Zong and Becca has obviously been paid by Soul to change the subject! Some of us want to know what Soul has done with this poor man's bank account.


----------



## beccachow

pattycake, I would be more afraid of the stolen grapefruits if I were you. I have seen the plan...it involves grapefruits, silly string, balloons, cotton candy and baby oil.


----------



## megafatcat

If you follow the fruit flies they will lead to the grapefruit purchased with the money from the bank account. At Beccachow's house!
It is really quite simple to figure out if you have an analytical mind and no regard for facts.
Do not worry about the silly string, she bought it at discount and all the fizz is out of the cans.


----------



## soulsurvivor

megafatcat's hero is Maru:

[YOUTUBE]2XID_W4neJo[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## pattycake

Not sure what Soul is trying to convey to Megafatcat as my dial up will not play her utube forward. I rest assured that Soul is up to some sneaky troublemaking!


----------



## beccachow

She found old pictures of you in an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini. My eyes are still bleeding.


----------



## pattycake

Beccachow was one of those teens who would jump off a cliff if the others would do it. It's so sad that she has been in a wheelchair all these years and has the time to wait for a dial up UTube to open.


----------



## beccachow

pattycake was supposed to fit the wheelchair with rockets so I could do things faster. Instead she removed the wheels, promised me she would be right back. I have been sitting at this exact spot for two weeks. It's not called a "drag chair," Pattycake. PS: I can't get to the phone, could someone order me a pizza or something, I have already eaten the furniture I could reach.


----------



## 2doordad

beccachow is till trying to figure out which sixteen alblums or cassettes she wants for a penny.


----------



## pattycake

2doordad just came out of a time capsule. He was buried in 1974 and has no clue that albums and cassettes are a thing of the past.


----------



## clovis

Pattycake has no room to talk. She is still looking for a needle for her Victrola.


----------



## Joshie

Clovis is so full of hot air he's causing a heat wave.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie is the local tv's weather girl. She enjoys pointing out hot spots and full moons.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Joshie is the local weather anchor who advised that several teens jump off a cliff. They thought they were still in a video game (post-reality stress syndrome) and poor beccaouch also jumped with them. Joshie also advised that SS drop the anchor on her million dollar ship. She did, but she hit a submarine right underneath her and blew her all the way to the beach, causing a typhoon in the process. This is how "weather anchors" came into existence. No SS has nothing better to do than fill clovis up with hot air and blow him around Joshie's house. Meanwhile, I've given beccaouch some more Ethan Allen furniture to eat. She says they taste better.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I bet you're like me and wondering how Heritagefarm can afford Ethan Allen furniture to casually throw in beccaouch's direction. So I put on my sleuth tools and investigated. Guess what? Heritagefarm is a past member of the Bucky Beaver club. He's throwing all his old rejects to beccaouch and claiming he's a good heart for doing this great deed. hmmm, me thinks his old craving for cherry wood is surfacing agin....he's clearing out the old wood furniture inventory that he's gnawed down to wood splinters to make room for the new and fresh cherry wood furniture stock. Forget cattails. He's chomping down on cherry legs.

ha, don't believe me? Then stand real quiet like and I bet you can hear a buzz saw sound in the distance over where Heritagefarm lives. The neighbors claim he's already lost a river for them.


----------



## beccachow

SS is a giraffe.


----------



## clovis

Beccachow-chow dresses like the people in _Flashdance_, each and every day.


----------



## Justin Thyme

clovis said:


> Beccachow-chow dresses like the people in _Flashdance_, each and every day.


Clovis come from Clovis, NM, near Area 51, and is an alien.


----------



## pattycake

Justin Thyme. What a beautiful name. Or is it a code name for Just doing time? Makes me think he might be serving time. I'm just saying.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Pattycake buys my Ethan Allen furniture for twice the price retail. She claims it helps the economy that way. What she doesn't know is that I'm going to Walmart, Target, and Goodwill and slapping an Ethan Allen sticker on it all.


----------



## Justin Thyme

pattycake said:


> Justin Thyme. What a beautiful name. Or is it a code name for Just doing time? Makes me think he might be serving time. I'm just saying.


Thank you for the kind words.
And "no", I'm not doing time, at least no more than the rest of us as we wait for 2012. 
I suppose you think my cousin, Justin Case, is an attorney.


----------



## 2doordad

Justin Thyme is late


----------



## pattycake

2doordad is a cover name for 2poordad. Word has it that he has 14 children!


----------



## megafatcat

Pattycake is looking to marry a guy in prison. Something about a bad guy being hott....

BTY Justin Case used to be a pyromaniac Cub Scout and is now in the US Army serving in Iraq with a Patriot missile battery. I an very proud to have known him back then. (truth)


----------



## soulsurvivor

Megafatcat is a top prize in a scratch-off ticket lottery game. If you win then megafatcat will sit on your front porch holding a life-sized picture of you kissing your megafatcat goodbye as you board a cruise ship to Greenland. When you return from your magnificent cruise megafatcat will continue to act as your home security system for life. Value of top prize: Priceless. :benice:


----------



## 2doordad

pattycake stole my ham sandwich.


----------



## soulsurvivor

2doordad can only post short sentences. He's plum tuckered out after typing out that he's a Mantastic from Mississippiiiiiii......


----------



## Fowler

soulsurvivor likes 2doordads mantastic manscaping skills


----------



## Cash

Fowler is really a fisher.


----------



## megafatcat

Cash is broke after falling for the bottled seawater scam.


----------



## Joshie

Megafartcat misspelled his name.


----------



## pattycake

I can't for the life of me come up with a baseless lie but I want to day you are all doing a great job. Carry on.


----------



## 2doordad

pattycake is not telling the truth. She wishes us all major foul. I am so on to this.


----------



## soulsurvivor

... and everyone posting in this thread thinks they're superior truth tellers. Oh what a web we weave when we first practice to deceive.... 2doordad is really 3windowsmom and couldn't tell the truth if it hit her on the glass.


----------



## beccachow

SS stuck me in an oven. Or one of the others did. SOMEBODY stuck me in an oven, cause it is WAAAAY too hot around here, my fellow liars. Stay safe!


----------



## Fowler

Becca has a bun in the oven...LOL


----------



## soulsurvivor

Fowler plays with her food. She's whittling a blow gun to use for shooting her dried peas.


----------



## 2doordad

soulsurvivor knows where Jimmy Hoffa is.


----------



## megafatcat

2door spends all his offline time digging holes looking for Hoffa. The neighbors would not mind, if he would just fill them back in.


----------



## soulsurvivor

megafatcat summoned the local news crew out to his backyard to film all the sinkholes that are suddenly appearing. No mention was ever made about 2 doordad's mad digging adventure. 

megafatcat likes to be in front of a tv camera and will use any excuse to show off his tail.


----------



## 2doordad

soulsurvivor makes cookies from dirt and then sells them as cheap knock-off girl scout cookies.


----------



## Joshie

2door's greatest desire is to be a Girl Scout. He cannot understand why they won't let him in.


----------



## 2doordad

Joshie has a tail.


----------



## clovis

In a mean spirited move, 2doordad removed all of the Braille menus from the local restaurants and ironed them flat.


----------



## Seeker

clovis files her teeth and drinks the blood of other homesteaders.


----------



## megafatcat

Seeker 'lost it' back in 1993 and has not found his 'it'.


----------



## Seeker

um... that may not be a baseless lie.

that said... megafatcat practices witchery and the occult and sometimes says more than she even realizes.

unless megafatcat is a he... of course.


----------



## Joshie

My BFF got bored last night and hid what Seeker is looking for.


----------



## megafatcat

Obviously a man. No woman would put 'fat' in a screen name. My daughter has a VERY large calico nicknamed Fatcat, in the photo, but fatcat is taken on most forums.

Joshie has no social skills when it comes to entertaining her guests.


----------



## Joshie

Megafart's cat keeps asking her to stop cutting the cheese.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Megafartjoshie's horse recently stole my Cadiilac. Never mind the fact that I "found it lost along the road", the point was that it was still mine... I think. Anyways, once that megafat horse got into my megabig Cadiilac, she CRASHED IT! Now I have to sue megafatcat for starting all of this. Now, I'm going to haul my megafat self into my megafat chair and read a megafat book.


----------



## megafatcat

Heritage really cannot read, just looks at the photos. That is not really a book, just a magazine. Not a chair, but a porcelain throne.
Obviously too much elderberry wine has Heritage confused to the point of posting lies about Heritage and the truth about the horse.


----------



## 2doordad

magafatcat lives in a storm shelter and eats nothing but cheese.


----------



## Heritagefarm

2doordad lives in a storm shelter and eats nothing but cheese.


----------



## megafatcat

Heritage has lost the ability to distinguish between a large cat and a door post. A sure sign that the elderberry wine was not aged long enough.


----------



## TwosCompany

Megafatcat is secretly a millionaire and made the money by inventing a machine that does windows.


----------



## beccachow

TwosCompany hasn't been the same since she met ThreesACrowd and OneIsTheLoneliestNumber. These folks don't post here since OneIsTheLoneliestNumber is always crying herself to sleep and ThreesACrowd never gets computer time because...well, three is a crowd on the computer.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Toescomperny sells megafatcats. She has an unlimited supply of them. SHe has this hoax chain set up, where she has people donate megafatcats to her. She makes her living this way, and drives a Mercedes. (I chose Mercedes becuz it's easier to spell than Cadilac.) Did I also mention she has no garden and does not buy any groceries?? :shocked:


----------



## megafatcat

Heritage supplies all the cream to Toescompany to maintain all those cats at their proper weight. The outrageous profits allow him to purchase a used Cadillac every 14 years and spend all day on the net.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Actually megafatcat raises fish in a deep fat fryer. 

ok, ok, that's a little lie, but here's the truth.....

megafatcat is really a megafatdog that pumps a skateboard...

[YOUTUBE]XPoy7ke6mms[/YOUTUBE]

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPoy7ke6mms[/ame]


----------



## megafatcat

Soulsurvivor lies awake at night awaiting the knock on the door, that will signal that the long arm of the law is reaching out to deliver justice for that heinous and deliberate crime. The tag was plainly marked not to remove it from the matress.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Megaflatcat got run over my SSSSS's mattress. She was flying it into town.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Heritagefarm said:


> Megaflatcat got run over my SSSSS's mattress. She was flying it into town.


only because my broom was in the shop.

I was on my way to watch Heritagefarm participate in a Guiness World Records attempt at breaking a human dominoes record:

[YOUTUBE]4phuK38dNyg[/YOUTUBE]

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4phuK38dNyg&NR=1[/ame]


----------



## pattycake

I was just checking in and discovered that Soul had become the thread killer that she always hoped to be.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Pattycake like playing dominos with skyscrapers. She has a pet godzilla.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Heritagefarm gets pattycake mixed up with Lois Lane . . . which is understandable because he witnessed Lois jump out that window after Superman . . . Heritagefarm took that hard . . . because Lois landed on Heritagefarm . . . and that's why Heritagefarm has some of his brain cells residing in his boots . . . :walk:


----------



## 2doordad

soulsurvivor sits in the kids part of the grocery cart at the store.


----------



## beccachow

Hey, 2door! I saw a picture of you at WalMart in the infamous People of WalMart site. You looked fab in that pink body suit with the feather boa. Tres Chic, my friend!


----------



## megafatcat

Beccachow is running a scam, selling pirated 'people of Wal-mart' CD's to Brazil under a gov contract as multicultural exchange fashion education material. Otherwise known as MEFEM. Having scammed the gov before, she knows that everything to do with gov needs a set of cute initials.


----------



## 2doordad

beccachow, I will return said suit on Monday. Megafatcat is jealous he didn't get the suit first.


----------



## beccachow

[email protected] 

2door, megafatcat said you stretched it out even too far for him to wear. Bubble-Butt were his exact words, but you didn't hear that from me.


----------



## 2doordad

I prefer the term full-figured. Beccachow runs over animals for sport.


----------



## megafatcat

I'm just....a little.... fluffy. It was the tail!
2door follows Beccachow around. She thinks that it is romantic, but 2door just wants fresh possums and flattened toads for his roadkill stew.


----------



## Joshie

Megafartcat eats cotton balls.


----------



## pattycake

Joshie feels at ease poking fun at Megafatcat because Joshie spends day and night in her spanx!! Joshie not only lives in spanx but she insists that her entire family (including the newborn baby) wear them.


----------



## soulsurvivor

:bash: I'm calling a foul on pattycake for mentioning spanx. She knows that it always reminds me of this idiot:

[YOUTUBE]W7iQWqHEG6A[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## pattycake

I can't open UTube so I pleade the fifth! Soul also wears Spanx to hide the side effect of her wonderful "What's for supper thread" She consumes all those wonderful meals and then squeezes herself in to her Spanx to look like those high calorie meals has no effect on her!


----------



## Joshie

Pattycake tried to drop a newborn baby off at our house but, thankfully, we all run faster than she.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie has to wear a compression stocking on her head to hold in all that brain power.


----------



## Heritagefarm

SS has to wear an air compressor to hold her brain power in. If she doesn't wear it, everyone in her immediate proximity instantly feels so amazingly stupid that they often fall over and beg for mercy. Even good scientists are often impressed, and they typically use her to process the information of 2 supercomputers.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Heritagefarm is a tattle tale and a good friend of Stephen Hawking.


----------



## Heritagefarm

SS does not know the Amyrlin. I am a good friend of Artur Hawkwing.


----------



## Joshie

HF thinks he's King Arthur.


----------



## megafatcat

Joshie chooses to play the piano with her toes, even though her hands are just fine.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Megafatcat is the official raindancer for Texas. . . ok, was the official raindancer. Now unemployed and likely to stay that way.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Megasoulcat was actually doing a Drought Dance, recently invented. He included Texas, Oklahoma, and 10 square miles in MO that happened to have me in it. :flame:


----------



## Fowler

Heritagefarm is full of hot air and is the reason Texas and Oklahoma are in a drought.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Fowler is walking around outside wearing her bikini to scare the skeeters away. It's so hot the skeeters can only manage to give her a tiny one thumbs up for her efforts. :thumb:


----------



## beccachow

Ahh, SS, I found your high school pic tucked away in an old comic book. Thought you would like to share with the class:










I heard you've gotten some more tatoos since then, but I really don't want to know where.


----------



## megafatcat

Becca has a new job working for an eye doctor and is trying to increase business.


----------



## soulsurvivor

That's ok becca. I was overdue for a slam dunk and hon, that is a slam dunk. That poor woman, whomever she is, has my sympathy. If she ever needs an IV she's out of luck because they'd never be able to find a vein on her. 

And megafatcat is along for the ride on becca's new reality series entitled "Let's Tattoo A Cat Today". The first new show of the season promises to be a delight as becca shaves the fur off megafatcat's shoulder and begins the tattoo that is same as the one on Lady Gaga's shoulder.


----------



## beccachow

SS, I am still blind from that "HS pic," lol. :yuck: Who on earth would do that to themselves???

Anyhow, how is your belly button lint collection coming? I heard you are competing for the world record.


----------



## megafatcat

I may be a soon-to-be tattooed fatcat, but Beccachow is a 'fraidey cat. She drives around everywhere with a vicous dog that she is training to shred your shirt! The beast is called No-Name.


----------



## Fowler

megafatcat is really a skinny cat, she knitted her fur balls into a bigger coat to hide her tattoos


----------



## Heritagefarm

Fowler is so full of hot air her family uses her as a hot air balloon.


----------



## mnn2501

Heritagefarm claims to be the cream seperator guy, but the only cattle he owns are bull's


----------



## soulsurvivor

mnn2501 has a program called Heifers in Hiding. No raw milk is used or abused. No laws of food distribution are being broken here so move along little doggie...

:cowboy:


----------



## megafatcat

Soulsurvivor has started trying to learn to play the bagpipes. On the recommendation of a prankster nephew, and much to the annoyance of the neighbors and local wildlife.


----------



## clovis

You all ought to see those bag pipes that SS is playing. 

Megafatcat sold her a real pig in a poke. Those bag pipes are nothing but a Hefty 13 gallon trash bag, used drinking straws that were dug out of the trash at the local White Castle and some duct tape.

"Genuine, handcrafted bagpipes from Glasgow" she proclaimed, as SS handed over her cash.

Megafatcat was talking about Glasgow, Scotland, and SS was thinking Glasgow, Kentucky!!!!


----------



## pattycake

I have a strong feeling that Clovis was involved in this bag pipe deal. He knows too much about the construction and the sale itself! He runs a late night e-bay site that persuades people to do things that they would never do if they were wide awake.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I have a lovely set of bagpipes I could sell you pattycake. I know you're looking for a place to put some of your hot air. 

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7q8PvgUpOE[/ame]


----------



## Joshie

BFF, I hope you've been bra shopping since your HS pic was taken.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie said:


> BFF, I hope you've been bra shopping since your HS pic was taken.


:hysterical: Leave it to dry wit Joshie to say it like it is.... Joshie is the queen of understatements.


----------



## Joshie

Whatever could you mean?


----------



## megafatcat

Why, Joshie, Ss was referring to your constant statements about undergarments. Sometimes Ss is a little confused and gets word order mixed up.
Understatement, statements about undergarments.
None of us on HT understand the obsession, especially with (can't mention on HT) but we love you anyway.


----------



## soulsurvivor

The situation is dire and here is why - megafatcat has been using her claws to rip and remove old wallpaper in her home but the freaky happened and now she's missing the critical middle claw of her right paw and she is right-pawed. 

hmm, I think the above qualifies as a run on sentence but back to the missing claw. It's going to become a real problem for megafatcat to drive the roads now. How's she gonna throw up her one "hi-dee hello" paw toe without the attached pointing claw? Now what?


----------



## megafatcat

S.oulsurvivor has little imagination. Simply have to take mt son with me. He is 20 and will be happy to help tell others "hello".


----------



## soulsurvivor

There once was a kitty named mega (maybe biff, tom, whatever)
That left tracks maybe where she should not have made them.
Got stuck in her kitty door and made her tushie sore..
oh yes :cute: there's more:
[YOUTUBE]7HREOWhfH_Y[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## Joshie

My BFF tried out for the part of Hello Kitty in the Disney on Ice show but lost out to Megafat. Disney gave Mega an ultimatum: lose weight and call yourself megaskinnycat or hit the road and give the job to SS.


----------



## megafatcat

MEGAfatcats do not respond favorably to ultimatums. Also, ice is too cold, messes with the comfort level. It was not a speaking part anyway.
OK, the whole weight loss thing was not going to happen, SS can have it. Skinnycats are just evil looking. Just ask Oggie.
Joshie, if you have mastered the art of grilled cheese sandwich cooking, I have a recipe with instructions for frying a hamburger patty that you may want to attempt next.


----------



## beccachow

U refuse to speculate on the sources of MFC's "ground beef" for hamburger pattys. Suffice it to say, I haven't seen his neighbor in a week or two.


----------



## megafatcat

The neighbor was...rude...to me. Mentioned something about losing weight....and Hello Kitty.


----------



## soulsurvivor

It's ok becca. We're taking up a collection for you. You really do need your meds.


----------



## soulsurvivor

On any given day at any given time one can find megafatcat draped on the ceiling fan in her kitchen. She claims it helps her bad mood if she airs out her fur.


----------



## Joshie

I know you're my BFF and all and Mega is a bit funny lookin' but you really shouldn't have used your shaving kit on him. Well, now, wait a sec, the more I think about it the more I think that gorilla look didn't suit him too well.


----------



## Fowler

Joshie wants a bald kittie like Dr.Evil. No razor stubble for her
Soulsurvivor may be choking on a fur ball after showing that hilarious video of Megafatcat getting stuck in the small kitty door I wonder if they come in plus size?


----------



## soulsurvivor

Nothing goes to waste if Fowler has anything to say about it. She's been collecting chicken feathers to sell to the women folk to decorate their hair up-do's and braidings. It'd probably help if she cleaned some of the poo off the feathers before selling them. 

I don't know how much Fowler listens to advice though. She's still trying to sell those wooden splinters from her woodpile as organic toothpicks.


----------



## megafatcat

SS, I am weary of pickin on mostly you so I will leave out the juicy stuff. Just want to know if you have gone out in public yet in the new bikini you bought?


----------



## soulsurvivor

You know what? I'm real sorry in more ways than one. I did want a new swimsuit but I couldn't find one to match my compression stockings.


----------



## clovis

At least Soul is wearing compression stockings now. Last time I saw her, she was buck naked and skinny dipping in a local pond.


----------



## soulsurvivor

ah, that's ok. Know what? Last time I saw Clovis he was charging admission to see his Virgin Mary in a potato chip collection.


----------



## pattycake

That's nothing as the last time I saw Soulsurvivor she was taking all the grand champion displays at her county fair so she could enter them in her name at the Kentucky State Fair!


----------



## clovis

Pattycake has the largest concrete animal statue collection, on display in her yard, in the entire state of Indiana.

As we speak, her husband is hand painting the newest addition, a complete set of concrete Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.


----------



## pattycake

Clovis posts this out of envy. He started being jealous of me when I got my sixth goose that is always dressed to the nines in an outfit to fit the season or holiday.


----------



## Joshie

Patty's really pleased with herself because she just taught herself to count to nine. This was a remarkable feat as she only has a 6th grade education.... kinda


----------



## pattycake

Joahie thrives on making fun of us self educated folk. Joshie feels superior as she owes a quarter million dollars in student loans. She spends all her waking hours trying to default on these loans!


----------



## clovis

All this talk of being self sufficient has pattycake motivated.

She went to the local Tractor Supply, and asked to see the new "pullet stoves" everyone is talking about.

After wasting an hour of the salesman's time, she finally asked, (or axed, as she pronounces it) "Where am I supposed to get all those chickens to keep the stove going? Seems like a waste of good, young pullets...at least to me."


----------



## Joshie

Clovis has a thing for cute chicks..... and not the clucking kind.


----------



## megafatcat

Feeling a bit left out of Clovis's attentions, Joshie? Hubbie not providing enough differs?


----------



## soulsurvivor

If anyone suffers from lack of attention it's megafatcat. She's liable to try anyone's kitty door in her seeking of a good rub down.


----------



## megafatcat

And a brushing? I loooooove a good brushing.

Soulsurvivor has not washed her car in 3 years.


----------



## Fowler

LMAO at all of you, then I choked magafatcat's flinging fur and tripped over my wood pile and got an organic splinter stuck in my toe, I will never listen to Soulsurvivor again these toothpicks hurt!!


----------



## pattycake

Fowler, being the idiot she can sometimes be, is trying to state that all of her problems were caused by Soulsurvivor! Why am I not surprised?


----------



## Joshie

Pattycake's real name is Rube and she's the buy wearing blue.

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=qybUFnY7Y8w


----------



## soulsurvivor

There's a statistic that says one of every four people is suffering from some sort of mental illness. I try to make certain that at least one of my BFF's is coo coo so it isn't me.

Editing to add: well, it might be me. I don't think I stated that correctly. ok, hold up 4 fingers and take away one and that leaves 3 that can be one of the suffering and that leaves 2 plus me that is sad for our BFF. On second thought, I think I'm going to sit down somewhere by myself and be with myself. Today is just confusing.


----------



## pattycake

Well, now isn't that special. Soul is confused once again. Habitual lying will do that to you. This explains why I got a phone call from Soul's psychiatrist who said he is willing to risk his medical license if I could enlighten him to what her problems might be. I told him I am only a cyber friend but I would help him in any way I could. I'll keep you all posted.


----------



## megafatcat

Joshie, Soulsurvivor, Clovis, Fowler and Pattycake are all the same person with 5 different personalities. Real name is Sybil.


----------



## Fowler

megafatcat poses for Playkitty.


----------



## Joshie

Fowler is just jealous of megafat because when he wears a bikini people run the other way as fast as they can.


----------



## pattycake

Joshie is going crazy because she is afraid of her teen actions being known to us all. Calm down Joshie as we know who you really are.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Don't ya just luv it? pattycake is such a psychic... or is that psycho?.... oh well, me and my little confused self is bound to be right on one of those.... pattycake claims she's so clear-headed that the atmosphere around her is clear as a bell at all times and fog machines have to be brought in from time to time to make clouds. They pay her good money to go sit and stay in Texas. . . which reminds me I have to go check on my account and make sure they're still doing an automatic withdrawal for that.... ound: oh my goodness, it's so much fun to be a nutcase....


----------



## pattycake

Soul wants this thread dead!!! She is tired of all the facts of her life being revealed. I need to convince her that I am not the enemy!! I am only trying to help her!


----------



## Joshie

Sure, patty, you're not evil.







Ya, um, we all believe you..............


----------



## megafatcat

Last night, Joshie....never mind, I cannot tell it here, kids might read it.


----------



## pattycake

Megafatcat is afraid to post anything because she lives in fear of me releasing her Jr. High School records that states she lost recess privileges due her lying and tattle telling.


----------



## megafatcat

HE is proud of those days. I only lied to protect her reputation.

Pattycake, were YOU the one who snitched on us?


----------



## Joshie

Mega, those pink hot pants just don't do a thing for you.

http://www.reverbnation.com/artist/song_details/9004594


----------



## soulsurvivor

Joshie knows all about what does and doesn't work when it comes to wearing clothing for that important job interview. She's got a consulting practice that can almost guarantee you won't be easily forgotten after that interview. Here's one of her past clients:

[YOUTUBE]4hlPIU3OWJU[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## 2doordad

That's my dad.


----------



## megafatcat

2door has recently angered his barber, evidenced by his haircut.


----------



## clovis

Megafatcat is so dumb that she once had a make-up test in school, and she brought along lipstick, foundation and eye liner.


----------



## Joshie

Clovis, I thought you looked right purty in mega's makeup. The miniskirt, weeelllllll, that's another story.


----------



## Joshie

SS, did you borrow clovis's miniskirt?


----------



## pattycake

Joshie is in lock up as we speak as she was caught with pocketfuls of make-up that turned out to belong to Clovis and Megafatcat.


----------



## soulsurvivor

We all know that pattycake is an accomplished pickpocket, but few know that she's also skilled at planting evidence in your pockets and then ratting you out. 

If you have pattycake dropping you off at the airport and saying adieu and toodle loo then you'd best stop drop and roll through your pocket change before going through the TSA to board your plane. 

One thing pattycake likes to slip into your pocket is a little linen bag packed with a few choice dried herbs. Pattycake likes to sit on the sidelines and observe as TSA does a joy stick revival on you after finding that little treasure on your person. 

Pattycake really does know how to make every experience count.


----------



## megafatcat

Soulsurvivor tries to blame others for getting caught smoking tarragon and bay leaves, purloined from the kitchen, behind the barn as a child. Must have been quite a whooping @ the woodshed to have lingered in the memory so long.


----------



## soulsurvivor

oh yea? megafat must be lost in one of her nine lives and is fighting for the memories to become sequential and finally make some sense to her. 

I have wonderful memorial recall with regard to smoking stuff behind the outhouse. Talk to me nicely and I can maybe share some info about corncobs.


----------



## megafatcat

I have used corncobs for personal hygene before and feel no need for you to 'share'.........


----------



## soulsurvivor

megafatcat said:


> I have used corncobs for personal hygene before and feel no need for you to 'share'.........


ah, but you jump to conclusions and you're wrongggg. Corncobs are a blessed smoking event and last forever. Haven't you ever heard the old saying "stick that in your corncob and smoke it"??? It takes a good fire to keep the end of it smoking but it's the longest lasting smoke you'll ever have and it can make you sick sick sick for a very long time afterwards. 

Corncob smoking at a young age is maybe the best deterrant to smoking that's ever been invented.

You have to be pretty tough to use a corncob in the nether regions. I've never been that tough myself.


----------



## pattycake

Poor Soulsurvivor. She has left for the eastern seaboard as everyone else is evacuating. She is so excited for a vacation there as she thinks motels will lower their prices and all the restraunts will be dirt cheap. Even tho she has been warned about Irene she says that is all nonsense. She is looking forward to having the beaches to herself. She even has her post to the frugal thread already written out to tell folks that the best vacation deals are found when a hurricane is predicted.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Poor Pattycake
belonged to a baker's man.
Doughboy.
May he rest in pieces.

[YOUTUBE]K1X93zcgaos[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1X93zcgaos[/ame]


----------



## pattycake

Soul has returned home with her tail between her legs as the State Police would not let her enter North Carolina. She has to take her frustration on somebody so she picked me. I will say this one time and one time only so you will not think of me as a braggart. Yes, I married a baker's man who is from the Pillsbury Dough Boy family. The rest is history and I am rich, rich, rich!


----------



## Joshie

PC is headed up the river







because she is the mastermind (or more accurately, mini-mind) behind the conspiracy to keep me off the internet. Mark my words. Justice shall prevail!

My BFF







had these cuffs especially manufactured for your thick wrists.









Even though I'm a girl, I do have to say you're looking particularly _hot._ It's nice to see you had a decent bra fitting since you graduated HS. I think BCCCCC posted that old HS photo just because she's jealous of your new, _*hot*_ look.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Give me a break! PC only looks hot because she's been in the oven with one of those doughboys. Honestly Joshie, I wish you'd find your new glasses that you misplaced. It's a big old dangerous world out there made even worse without your good spectacles.


----------



## Joshie

Ummm, BFF, you need to get your glasses, or maybe your mirror, fixed. That's you, not silly ole PC.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Really? ? ? Boy have I firmed up since I last looked! I don't usually bother to look in a mirror cause I don't like frightening myself. Last time I looked there was a wrinkle map to Utah on my forehead.


----------



## pattycake

Soul, you poor thing. Joshie was telling a baseless lie! That was me!


----------



## Joshie

DOn't you wish, pc. I do, though, find the map of North Dakota on your backside rather interesting.


----------



## Heritagefarm

It was a very special tattoo parlor. However, it was quite a challenge. It took 27 map makers, 20 surveyors, many experienced tattooers (meaning they knew how to spell "Bubba" and use a needle), and a couple on-hand doctors. It was quite an ordeal. It is a shame they won't be able to use this life-size map version of North Dakota. Well, provided they have helicopters and ATVs, that is.
In other news, Joshie recently went and got herself another nice Otazu Ego.
http://www.slashgear.com/worlds-most-expensive-notebook-102444/
She's requested anothe Bugatti from Italy, as well. Joshie sure knows how to travel in style. She may cause a bunch of car wrecks, though, because everyone will be staring at her Bugatti. Well, almost everyone. The uncultured rats who don't know should get squashed anyways. 
(LOL. That is how some people think!)


----------



## clovis

Here it is, Labor Day, 2011.

It is the only day out of the entire year that Heritagefarm actually works. This year's project? Gonna dust the entire dining room. It'll be a job I tell you, since it hasn't been dusted since Labor Day, 1997.

Heritage will be plumb wore out, as people say in these parts, after the day's project, but that is okay too, for she lives on the government dole for the other 364 days of the year.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Yes, it's almost over, this Labor Day 2011 and clovis will be sad. He hates to give up wearing his white pants and going back to regular jeans.


----------



## Heritagefarm

clovis said:


> for she lives on the government dole for the other 364 days of the year.


Apparently I had a gender change operation. :shocked:

SS recently went skydiving. She found it very fun, and listened to her iPod all the way down. But she forgot to use the parachute, so now she is in the Guineus Bhook uv Werld Recerds for being the only person to still be alive after being dropped from a 10 mile hike. :hrm:


----------



## soulsurvivor

Sorry HeritageFarm, that wasn't me. I was on the other side of the mountain watching this guy:

[YOUTUBE]TWfph3iNC-k[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWfph3iNC-k[/ame]

I thought you were going to be his target guy but you didn't show. So who did you really end up seeing?


----------



## Joshie

BFF, where'd you get that picture of HF's backside? He's sure got big ears.


----------



## Joshie

Megafat squished my BFF like a pancake. :run:


----------



## soulsurvivor

I swanee Joshie. You need to calm down and take it easy. Think of something fun to do like go over to HeritageFarm's house and help him build that lifesize bridge using Lincoln Logs.

At least he's not doing toothpicks this time.


----------



## megafatcat

Sorry Joshie, I really need to watch where I sit.
Yummmm....., did someone say pancakes?

SS is starting a 'medicinal herb' business. "Calm down, take it easy" is the slogan. In SS's case it is not an induced paranoia, the black helicopters really ARE looking for her (and the 'herb' garden).


----------



## soulsurvivor

Megafat is just jealous because my doctor wrote me a prescription for a weed card. I can officially get high with my government's permission.


----------



## clovis

Soul was just fired from the best job she's ever had.

You see, she was the official name maker for all of those colors at Sherwin-Williams paint company.

Some of her name choices:

Dirty Diaper, Stale Urine, Nubian Goat Poo, Soiled Dishrag, Possum Puke, Modern Mildew, Bloody Bandage, Toothpick Scum, Belly Button Lint, just to name a few.


----------



## soulsurvivor

well now my feelings are hurt clovis. You forgot to mention the color I named in your honor ....... Stinky Feet Fantasy. It's a graduated shading of brown that includes a scratch-and-smell effect. I used it to paint my back porch door and so far it's been a good security feature. It can easily drop a bear so you can imagine how many dead insects I have to sweep off the back steps everyday.


----------



## Joshie

BFF, I really think you should have painted your house something other than clovis' color


----------



## soulsurvivor

I think you're right Joshie. It will soon be winter and the house needs a facelift. What would you suggest?


----------



## megafatcat

I have heard that SS is offering facelifts at her house. Part of the Medicinal Herb business. I have also heard from kinda sorta reliable sources that the 'facelifts' consist of injections of something that smells like beef fat. Read about it on the news, also, although SS managed to bribe or blackmail the editor into keeping her part out of it. I could speculate long on what SS used to bribe the editor, since she will not part with cash even to keep her reputation. But I am going to save that for another time.


----------



## clovis

Megafatcat recently ordered silver dollar pancakes at the local restaurant. She was highly disappointed, and rather miffed, that the pancakes did not contain any silver.


----------



## soulsurvivor

clovis knows all about silver. He buys old dental bridgework and fillings for the silver content. He doesn't bother to hide it but keeps it in plain sight as decoration for his collection of potato chips that have the image of Virgin Mary in them. . . whew, it's all just a bit on the weird side if you ask me as it suggests that you would or could chomp down on a Virgin Mary chip. . . oh the horror that could impart on a person is beyond anything I would want to imagine.... :shocked:


----------



## Joshie

While I'm not particularly fond of any potato chip, I'll have to say that the chips I saw you eating the other day creeped me out as much as clovis'. I mean, it's pretty gross to eat those chips you had specially made. Why do you like chips containing images of your grandchildren?


----------



## soulsurvivor

I'm really glad that Joshie found a dance partner:

[YOUTUBE]IxPbgnO81sQ[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxPbgnO81sQ[/ame]


----------



## pattycake

Everone tune in to CBS. Soul Survivor is on the "Survivors" this season. Try and guess which one is her!


----------



## clovis

I'm surprised to see that pattycake is posting.

I heard that she was swamped with work...you see, she is now turning old tractor tires inside out and painting them for her raised beds.

You all ought to see the geraniums and petunias she's going to transplant into them.


----------



## pattycake

Clovis is too lazy to do as I do. I raise lots of my produce in my raised garden plots. He spends his extra time standing in line to apply for food stamps. To each his own!


----------



## clovis

Food stamps? Is it true what pattycake says? Can you really get them at the post office, like she does?


----------



## megafatcat

Clovis is following Pattycake's advice. Sit back and make a pot of coffee. The results should make the news soon.


----------



## Joshie

Don't ever drink Megafat's coffee. I found Mega's secret recipe. Mega uses equal parts coal dust and water.


----------



## megafatcat

Expanded diamond and dihydrogen oxide. With a pinch of catnip.

Joshie just finished getting ready for a big date with hubby. Even plucked her eyebrows. All of them


----------



## soulsurvivor

yea yea I know, but megafatcat isn't just about all the kitties.
He loves his little doggies too.

[YOUTUBE]NA-ST8nXl4U[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NA-ST8nXl4U[/ame]


Need some ointment for that raw hide?


----------



## Joshie

Dear BFF, have you recovered from mega's extra fatty mixed stew? You know which one I mean, right? I have a bit more backbone than you do because I refused that nasty mix of tofu, beef, horse and dog meat. The smell made my tummy turn.


----------



## pattycake

Joshie is a better friend than the rest of us. We all knew that Soul would eat that stew as she never turns down a free meal.


----------



## beccachow

I finally escaped from pattycake's tool shed. You do NOT want to know what she has in there. It involves hermit crabs, spider legs and troll vomit.


----------



## beccachow

Rats, I came back and killed the thread. Sorry. I will return to the shed now.


----------



## soulsurvivor

well shoot, missed you again BCCC. When you get to your shed dig out your old tricycle and join me and Joshie on our little ride downhill.... oh, and wear a good thick pair of shoes. You're gonna need them.

[YOUTUBE]CRD8AUg2ApE[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRD8AUg2ApE[/ame]


----------



## beccachow

I can't hear you, I am locked in a shed. Can you come let me out?


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow said:


> I can't hear you, I am locked in a shed. Can you come let me out?


Sorry about your bad luck honey but I can't do that right now. I've got a few foot blisters that need some immediate attention. 

HEY BCCC, YOU SURE THAT'S JUST A SHED? WHAT DOES IT SMELL LIKE? IF YOU SMELL MINT, IT AIN'T.


----------



## beccachow

I am not sure, but there are a LOT of flies in here. Oh, that's right, still cannot here you. Good luck with those blisters. And corns. And bunions. And hammer toes. Yeah, I heard about your feet.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Bccc, you're in the outhouse. 

Did you hear me?

It's the outhouse!!!

Pattycake's outhouse!!!

She keeps big snakes in there!!!!

They come out at nighttime. . . 

Bccc ???

Is it getting dark ???

Can you hear me yet ???

Talk to me !!!

Are you still alive woman ???


----------



## pattycake

We all know that Soulsurvivor majored in Drama while in college. She never had the priviledge of being called back after a casting performance. I think she trying one last time to prove herself an actor. Poor thing! Not good enough then and not good enough now!


----------



## soulsurvivor

No, see, now you heard that wrong. I was Drama and I majored in Art my first year of college. I spent most of the year hanging out my dorm window sculpting a plaster of paris block into a work of art. My side of the dorm never had to worry about a panty raid because the guys didn't appreciate the debris falling from my fine sculptured abstract nude. I had to switch my major after that and went into Education which was a nice fit for my know-it-all self. 

And as usual for pattycake she's half wrong and half right and is the best liar in this thread. She really does believe she tells the whole truth and nothing but the truth.


----------



## megafatcat

Soulsurvivor is telling the truth, but you have to just pick out the true words and leave out the untrue fluff.

I spent most of the year...the guys....appreciate....my fine nude.


----------



## beccachow

megafatcat, for the LAST time, that was NOT an art class. The people in that restaurant did NOT appreciate your stripping and standing on the salad bar. The folks with pencils and pads??? They were WAITERS. The cops who hauled you off were NOT art critics. Geesh.


----------



## megafatcat

Becca, you are a heathen who just does not understand the true beauty of fine performance art. I made $42.67, the folks paid me to "get your #%&([email protected]# clothes back on", I guess so that they could appreciate the beginning again. But the cops (truly, they WERE critical) would not let me oblige the true art affectionados. Next time I will get a permit. 

I think I will stay here a while though. The folks who run the place are so considerate, they even put padding on the walls so that I will not bump into things. And everyone dresses in nice clean white clothes. The other residents even watch my art. Most of them have big scars on their foreheads and a blank look, but they are quiet. I feel that they truly appreciate my work.

Back to the OP, Becca would not know art from a cow pie, and has 3 large, velvet, Elvis paintings in the living room.


----------



## beccachow

MFC, your statue "Venus De Milo In Cow Pie" was a huge hit here. The cows are busy making more...ummm..."clay" for your next venture, "The Thinker In Manure."


----------



## Joshie

BCCC, PC is not the most reputable cow patty provider. Personally, I'm glad I'm not an art lover or supplier. 

Did you notice how I tried to protect myself although I suspect it won't work?


----------



## beccachow

wait...pattyCAKE...pattyPIE...I know the source of manure now!!!


----------



## megafatcat

Becca, I really appreciate you displaying my cow pie art in your kitchen. 

Joshie!! How dare you call PC a disreputable bovine! (Even if Beccachow let you off easy, I couldn't)


----------



## Joshie

Becky loves me, Mega. Nanny nanny boo boo! By the way, you've got a disreputable bowel.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I suppose reading this liars thread must be a good boost for the poor economy. I hear there's been another run on hip waders.


----------



## megafatcat

AHHHH... hipwaders. I have some fond memories of things done in hipwaders, and I am glad that you do too.


----------



## soulsurvivor

No, good memories and hipwaders really don't go together for me. . . although I could have used a good pair way back when....
I really don't care for a mess on my bananas....


[YOUTUBE]mk5rtyB84fk[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk5rtyB84fk[/ame]


----------



## Joshie

Ya know I love ya, BFF, but that banana split shampoo isn't doing a thing for your hair. Oh, and regardless of what BCCCCC says, a chocolate syrup mask isn't quite as refreshing as a mud mask.


----------



## pattycake

I'm wondering where Joshie is posting this stuff to her BFF. I heard she is living in a Van down by the river. Just saying.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I wonder how pattycake gets all her tattle tale info. She's worn out several little birdies that tell all.


----------



## megafatcat

Soulsurvivor gets her gossip from critters that she bewitches. Her power is getting stronger as All Hallows Eve approaches, beware!


----------



## soulsurvivor

If you ask real nice like megafatcat will pickle your grasshoppers for you.


----------



## pattycake

I have heard from a good source that Melissa is going to put this thread on lock down as we are not telling baseless lies. We have hit rock bottom and are making up things that just don't make sense.


----------



## beccachow

Melissa CAN'T put this thread on lockdown since she was locked in your shed with me. I left her there when I escaped...to...ummmm...make a distraction. Yeah, that's it. A distraction.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Yoo Hooooo, Melissa! You ok in there honey? How's that Sears and Roebuck doing for you? Whatever it is it's all beccachow's fault. I can't believe she got out and left you locked up in there. Shame shame on her. :bash:


----------



## Joshie

BFF, that new house you're building is lookin' right good. I don't think nobody no how's gonna know it ain't anything but a plastic Rubbermaid shed. 

It's a secret, so don't let her know I told, ya but BCCC is knittin' flower boxes fer the front 'o yur fancy new digs.


----------



## megafatcat

Joshie has a 'wanted' poster up at the Post Office. I am sure it is a big mistake though.


----------



## soulsurvivor

ok megafatcat, one more time and real slow so maybe you can understand this time - Joshie's picture is up at the old Post Office because she bought it from the Federal Government and has remodeled it into her new home, similar to this one in Paintsville, Ky:

http://realestate.msn.com/us-post-office-becomes-first-class-home?GT1-35009


----------



## megafatcat

I do not know if Joshie is playing post office or not, I cherish my ignorance.

SS has filed her teeth to points as part of her halloween costume. It is a bit early.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I know this is a difficult time of year for you megafatcat. Have you given any thought to becoming a stray?


----------



## Joshie

BFF, it's proper procedure to castrate all feral kitties. We don't want those strays to multiply. I shudder to think of the possibility of 100,000 littlefatcats out there. :run:


----------



## megafatcat

Joshie, that is hitting below the belt.
I prefer the term 'wild', therefore putting myself beyond the reach of you and your scalpel wielding fiend, Ms Lorena Bobbitt.

Joshie went to join the Wall Street protesters but got a little confused. She ended up camping out and marching by herself up and down Wall Street in Bellevue, Nebraska. Which also confused both of the local policemen, so I guess that it worked out OK for her after all.


----------



## megafatcat

OT. I am currently working construction at a Petsmart. According to the poster in the Adoption Center a pair of breeding cats can produce 420,000 relatives in 7 years. Someday I will rule the world!


----------



## beccachow

MFC is hiding skunks in the wall at his construction job.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I try to be nice when I speak of BCCC. She easily gets the award for being indecisive, especially with her choice of hair style. 

[YOUTUBE]1jKDyRsb5iw[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jKDyRsb5iw[/ame]


----------



## Joshie

BFF, you've got awfully bad aim. I know you were trying to give Becky that really cool new hairdo she's been talking about. I'm not quite sure how you missed her hair and got the fat cat instead. It's pretty cool, though, that he's finally been castrated. You've saved the world from more than 400,000 little fatties!!!!!!!!


----------



## beccachow

Joshie drinks slug juice.


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow sells slug juice.


----------



## megafatcat

Soulsurvivor makes slug juice.


----------



## soulsurvivor

megafatcat operates a slug breeding farm.


----------



## beccachow

SS is a slug.

Come on, now, we all know where that was going.


----------



## megafatcat

Beccachow does not know where she is going.


----------



## soulsurvivor

megafatcat doesn't know which way is up.


----------



## beccachow

SS once dropped MFC off the roof of her house to see if he would land on his feet. Sadly, he didn't. How's the arm, MFC?


----------



## megafatcat

I fell into a vat of slug juice, it works well to stop the fall. I thank you for your concern.

Beccachow has given up trying and is now just confused.


----------



## soulsurvivor

megafatcat is now doing intense body training...

[YOUTUBE]XjY5CaGqv9I[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjY5CaGqv9I[/ame]


----------



## pattycake

Do we really want to pay so much attention to Soul Survivor's post? I just discovered that she does not reside in Kentucky but in the Hell's corner section in New York City. I think we have been scammed.


----------



## soulsurvivor

If you're invited to a wedding shower at pattycake's house you need to know it's a scam for her to get free stuff. She will tell you it's for her friend's daughter, but you never see that person, just pictures and a fake looking video thanking everyone for coming. We played exactly 2 piddley games and didn't get any prizes for winning. The food was awful and reminded me of a leftover from a kids' birthday party. For that pattycake got a ton of new stuff for free. I even splurged and gave my best gift of a brand new box of ziploc gallon bags.


----------



## beccachow

SS imports monkeys and lets them loose in State Parks.


----------



## Joshie

BCCC likes to beat her chest and make monkey noises. Don't stand too close to her. I spent last evening in the ER because I got too close. I hadn't realized that she also likes to pound the chest of anyone nearby. I've got broken ribs and I'm black and blue.


----------



## Fowler

Joshie is black and blue cause she flings Becca's monkey poo.


----------



## Joshie

Fowler earned her nickname because her specially bottled energy drink is made of bird turds. At Thanksgiving she cans turkey she sells Turkey Magic and at Christmas she makes Goose Goo. For Easter you can get Ham HoHos but the rest of the year you have to settle for ChacoChicken Juice.


----------



## beccachow

Fowler, so glad you have graduated from "See Spot Run" to making poetry. I heard your book, "Blue Poo" comes out in November.

Joshie is still stuck with the whole Dick and Jane fiasco, and keeps reading about their "Log" Spot. She is confused. There, there, Joshie, keep on trying.


----------



## Fowler

Joshie is just mad, cause I can make an awesome Yule log, I keep telling her that the secret ingrediant is not "MULE LOGS!". 

Becca, stop showing Joshie were to get them!!


----------



## Joshie

Fowler, regardless of what you say, those brown logs are NOT Tootsie Rolls!


----------



## beccachow

Ohhh...remind me not to go trick-or-treating at Fowler's house again. :yuck:


----------



## soulsurvivor

well good BCCC! Just leaves more for me. At least she doesn't try to give away bloody witchy fingers like you do.... and the special way you pack them in the kleenex box is just evil.


----------



## Heritagefarm

SS has recently decided that instead of Doin Weed, she's gonna do Sassafras. She claims it gives her the same rush, freshens the breath and also makes her very hyper. Soon, there will be squads of police devoted to nothing but finding Sassafras; hermits may be jailed simply for living within 10 feet of a tree. The only difficulty is smoking it, she says. It really is difficult to roll the leaves up, and they burn slowly and start small fires in your house. She says this is no mone - I mean problem, since she really just wants the insurance mone - I mean she thinks the fires are horridly inconvenient. :teehee:


----------



## Joshie

HF, step away from the moonshine.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie, put down the Sassafras.


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow, put down the circus peanuts and mary janes...


----------



## beccachow

SS wears Mary Janes and is nuts.


----------



## soulsurvivor

grrrrr.....


----------



## beccachow

Good old SS, playing with genetics again in her basement with her mail order chemistry set.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I've invented your twin:


----------



## Heritagefarm

SS is a genious gentik ingineerer, and can make just about anything shes wants, suches that there them thing dog she what did done and gone did make. SS was the one who did taught me mah engrish, too, I remember dropping outa schoolz at kinderygerdan.


----------



## pattycake

The above message is exactly the type of student that SS turned out year after year. Soul is the reason that school corporations developed the No Child Left Behind policy. Poor Heritage is a perfect example of a child that was left behind under SS tutelage. Sad but true.


----------



## beccachow

(lol at HF and pc)

Pattycake is all full of herself since she learned to read Humpty Dumpty last week, HF. Don't let her get to you.


----------



## pattycake

Becca, I am proud of my self for reading Humpty Dumpty! Soul was my teacher and she told me that I was too dumb to read and she wasn't going to waste her time on me. I learned this all on my own at the age of 63!


----------



## soulsurvivor




----------



## beccachow

I LOVE when SS does her famous "self portraits."


----------



## Joshie

Now, Becky, you really shouldn't lie. I've just got no patience for liars. You know as well as I that my BFF only paints your portrait----- over and over and over and over again.............


----------



## Fowler

At least Joshie has "some" class, LMAO!!


----------



## pattycake

Fowler is trying to sway attention from baseless lies! (That of course is her Rolls in front of her camper residence). Go back a couple of posts and take a good look at Soul's portrait! What arrogance! It tells the whole story that she is happy with her teaching career and loves collecting her pension. Failing students was all worth it to her!


----------



## soulsurvivor

It takes a big motor to pull that camper because it weighs almost 7000 lbs. Of course that's not anything pattycaker would ever have to worry about. She could just open her big mouth and blow.


----------



## pattycake

I just received the sweetest phone call from Soul! She asked me to forgive her for her last post and said she was a little tipsy and didn't mean what she said. Of course, being the sweetheart that I am, I accepted her apology.


----------



## NickieL

Pattycake is stalking Pony and wants to lock Pony up in her basement.


----------



## pattycake

Nickie is delusional and is up way beyond her bedtime.


----------



## Heritagefarm

Pattycake is a nuclear physicist and can make anything using nothing but protons, neutrons, electron, and really little tweezers.


----------



## beccachow

Heritagefarm is proud of being able to spell nuclear, and uses the word every chance he can.


----------



## NickieL

beccachow eats dog food


----------



## beccachow

...and Nickie wants to keep coming over for dinner. Admit it, you like the Alpo Savory Sauces Stews too. (I just made that one up, doesn't it sound yummy)?


----------



## NickieL

Hey, if it's good enough for jack, it's good enough for me!

it beats the overly sun-inflated road kill I fed Beccachow the other day.


----------



## megafatcat

Nickie is no longer "zombie bait". They got her last week.


----------



## soulsurvivor

and megafatcat comes from a broken home:


----------



## Joshie

BFF, did you enjoy that coffee and pie you ate at Becky's place? Did you know that she used kitties to make that Mock Apple pie?


----------



## soulsurvivor

I wondered what that was. It's not often that I have to floss my teeth after eating pie. Missed seeing you there and now know why you weren't there, you silly nilly. You missed out on seeing clovis and his new corn trick. Someone posted the video of it on youtube. Here 'tis:

[YOUTUBE]YnBF6bv4Oe4[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnBF6bv4Oe4[/ame]

He'd be dangerous if he had a brain.


----------



## beccachow

SS hides in bushes and throws cream pies at oncoming traffic.


----------



## Joshie

I'll take SS's ice cream cake over those cow patties you throw any ole day!

As an aside, am I the only one who has noticed the increase in potty humor?


----------



## beccachow

Joshie is finally potty-trained.


----------



## NickieL

and becca should take lessons...


----------



## beccachow

I HAVE been taking lessons, thank you very much. I just wear the Depends now because it DEPENDS on if I feel like getting up to go to the bathroom or not.

PS: Check out Nickie's potty training videos, VERY educational. How on earth did she get her tarantula to flush?


----------



## megafatcat

Beccachow is sometimes too lazy to walk to the bathroom. She also spends time on the net surfing potty training videos.


----------



## beccachow

SOME of us here at the Liars Club use litter boxes in the middle of the dining room...I'm not pointing paws or anything, just sayin'.


----------



## megafatcat

Gotta love the feel of sand between your toes.

Beccachow is pirating cable from the trailer next door.


----------



## Joshie

Mega has a peg leg and wears an eye patch.


----------



## soulsurvivor

You've never lived in a trailer park have you? That's not pirated cable. It's clothesline. And that's not Christmas tree lights. It's outdoor safety lighting.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Well phooey, the one time I didn't bring down the quote box it all messes up with Josie Quick Draw McGraw putting in her two cents worth. Ok, I was talking to the fatcat. Since you're here Joshie, what are you talking about with the potty humor? Who's doing that?


----------



## megafatcat

It does my ego good to have so many good-looking women fighting just to talk about me.

Soulsurvivor is a Dallas Cowboys fan.


----------



## NickieL

megafatcat is a bears fan!!!


----------



## soulsurvivor

:gaptooth: Touche and it ain't French (or is it Spanish? ) without the accent mark.

I do admire physical stature.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Oh and now NickiL has to interrupt. Pardon wah me but I was speaking to the cat.


----------



## beccachow

I will no longer be participating in this thread as I have been attending a "Truth Shall Set You Free" twelve step program for liars.


----------



## megafatcat

Another baseless lie post by Beccachow! She'll be back.

Beccachow is a SF 49ers fan.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I agree fat cat. I think Becca will become a leader in the 12 step programs. Those are the ones that train you to walk the DUI line if you're pulled over for suspicious driving.

[YOUTUBE]zNLf0tEsEO4[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNLf0tEsEO4&NR=1[/ame]


----------



## Heritagefarm

SS is a mole. That is why she is a very down-to-earth person.


----------



## megafatcat

Heritagefarm is a fan of the HS football team from the rival town!


----------



## Joshie

Mega likes to eat boogers.... and not just his own.

SS, I wasn't talking about bad potty humor just poo poo remarks.


----------



## beccachow

Joshie throws poo poo off bridges in crowded parks. That is why you see her with a doggie poo bag...and never with a dog. She collects it for her vile dastardly deeds.


----------



## pattycake

As sick as I am of all these bathroom jokes I will have to say that I understand beccachows reason behind it. It seems she was called "Pea Pants" in grade school and has never over come it. Get some professional help becca and the rest of you (you know who you are.)


----------



## beccachow

Pattycake played one of the seven dwarves in the movie, Snow White. She inhaled tons of pepper to be "Sneezy," and she hasn't stopped yet.


----------



## soulsurvivor

oh well fess up beccachow. It's not as though pattycaker was the only dwarf in that little skit. Sure, she "sneezed" her way across the stage a time or two by using her own internal pooh pooh powered internal combustion engine. We in the audience all appreciated that live smell, but it was your contribution as the Doc that had us all scratching ourselves. It really didn't add anything to the play for you to release your little woodland friends, the spider mites, into the audience. And then you stand on that stage and have the audacity to repeatedly command Snow White to lie still in her deep sleep. How was that for you Snow White? Snow White was played by Joshie and she knows what I'm talking about here. Old Doc is a canker sore waiting for healing.


----------



## Heritagefarm

SS coordinated said play, which is why the playhouse was fined several hundred thousand dollars for highly displeased viewers, not to mention when whichever dwarf was sneezing (they all took turns) everyone was coated with slime and caught coldz. Zo, itz all ZZ'z fault, andz we all haz colbz. *ACHOO*


----------



## Joshie

Does the staff at your "spa" know you're using the internet, HF?


----------



## megafatcat

Joshie is training a flea circus.


----------



## soulsurvivor

and megafatcat knows all about entertainment. He's a bad kitty.

[YOUTUBE]cjst0Opyi-E[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjst0Opyi-E[/ame]


----------



## Heritagefarm

SS runs my spa for me so I can use the internet all day long and grow fat sitting here all day long. Luckily SS doesn't mind since PussnBoots gives her several thousand dollars every week from stolen goods.


----------



## Joshie

HF, have the white-coated men at the "spa" removed your straight jacket yet?


----------



## soulsurvivor

HF is one buckle short of being a free man.


----------



## Joshie

BFF, did you ever get that buckle sewn back on your jacket?


----------



## beccachow

Joshie knows all about sewing. She thinks it is fun to sew people's buttons shut while they nap.


----------



## megafatcat

Joshie sews odd metal items to her clothing. Canning rings seem to be the recent favorite, since her family has run out of buckles.


----------



## megafatcat

Becca, you are a much faster typer than I. Did the nap you took during Church today help?


----------



## pattycake

Megafatcat is handing out the same Halloween candy as last year. Never mind that many children are sickened by this 10 year outdated candy. He purchased this many years ago and has posted this on the frugal site year after year. Mega, there is a difference between being frugal and being down right mean.


----------



## soulsurvivor

Be sure to stop at pattycaker's house for your treat. She's famous for handing out dollar bills you can use to purchase your own safe treats. Those that know have extra costumes and kids to wear them so they can revisit several times. . . . but shhhh, that's our little secret.


----------



## DenMacII

Wait a minute...This thread is still going? 

SS sent me a PM months ago saying the thread had been pulled down by the Moderator following an intense investigation that showed most of the posts are not baseless lies, but accurately and completely true.

Thinking I had no where to post, I started standing up at public events and stating baseless lies about the person speaking - the petition taker in front of the Post Office, the umpire at my kid's game, the police officer directing traffic, guy on the movie screen at the theater, but the two that put me in real hot water were when I stood up during a City Council Meeting and insisted the Mayor was having an affair with Beccachow or later when trying to explain my outburst to the Judge I said that he was in cahoots with Heritage Farmer to secretly overthrow the Occupy Wall Street movement by giving me 30 days in Jail. 

Here it is 30 days later, and I find the thread still going strong - Thanks SS ... you shall rue the day you sent your message. (and no I can not accurately define 'Rue')


----------



## megafatcat

Kinda glad that you stepped in, DenmacII. Your post is a true baseless lie. No police would direct traffic in CA.


----------



## pattycake

I was so relieved that there were no headlines screaming "Children sickened". Mega read my last post and knew that I was on to him. Fyi to Soul. I give out two dollar bills to cover inflation.


----------



## clovis

I saw Pattycake at the grocery store seeking out clearance prices on Halloween candy. Seems that she ran out of the candy she bought back in 1987, and is looking to stock back up for what she wants to give out in the future.


----------



## beccachow

Ahh, Clovis. So glad to hear you are recovered after filming your lemming documentary. I understand you wanted to live with the lemmings, observe them up close...the shocked look on the face of your camera man as you pitched yourself headlong off a cliff with your adopted lemming family was priceless, truly a once in a lifetime shot. Well, for him, anyway. Heard you bounced off of him at the bottom and lived to film another day.


----------



## DenMacII

MFC you are right - they only encourage you to do what is best for you at this time. Only a retired California beat Cop would know such things. How long were you on the force in CA? 

Beccachow knows this because she was the boom operator standing next to the camera man.

Clovis is still mad because Pattycake knocked her over to get that last bag of bite sized Snickers that were 1/2 off.


----------



## soulsurvivor

DenMacII, bccc, clovis, Joshie, megafatcat, HeritageFarm, and pattycaker are all in my basement right now dividing up their trick or treat stash. I have to keep a close eye on them because they love to lick and stick the sticky candies all over each other. I'm glad I've got a water hose hooked up down there. . . . but as always "shhhh" it's our little secret....


----------



## pattycake

I am happy to say that I escaped Soul's torture basement! Also glad that Halloween is over as Soul has been using it to be a distraction from her involvement in the Kim Kardashian divorce announcement. Need I say more?


----------



## beccachow

Oh, do tell. Of course, coming from pattypie, it is sure to be a lie. E-lie. Ha, I rhymed.


----------



## DenMacII

Now I'm confused. Pattycake told me she was Kim Kardashian and was trying to get me to meet her at an Arby's for $1.00 Burger Tuesday's


----------



## megafatcat

Denmac, you are still not up to speed, were you always this slow? Beccachow is the confused one, It says so right under her name.

Denmac is trying to figure out why my great wit is so familiar. Hint, I was a guard at a medium security CA prison back in 1983.


----------



## beccachow

megafatcat drinks booger shakes.


----------



## DenMacII

MFC - Nice try playing down how we know each other. We shared a cell in the psyche ward in San Quentin. Beccachow was in the cell next to us always asking what's going on because she was so confused. 

Due do budget cuts we were all released in a pardon by the Governor back in 92 - the only condition of our release is that we don't tell Beccachow that the Leave It To Beaver show went off the air - apparently that was the trigger for her when she 'lost it' back in the early 70's


----------



## beccachow

WHAT??? LEAVE IT TO BEAVER IS OFF THE AIR????? Meds...I need my meds...happy place, happy place, happy place...


----------



## soulsurvivor

I could have sworn Shirley Temple Black was dead, but nope, she's 80 and still here. What did I sleep through? If I didn't know better I'd think that beccachow has been slipping me some of her "escape" pills.


----------



## Fowler

What!?!...Soulsurvior is Shirley Temple disquised as Rip Van Winkle?

I need some of Beccachows meds!!


----------



## PNP Katahdins

That darn Soul is even telling lies about cute little Shirley Temple, who is really 83, not 80.


----------



## beccachow

PNP Katahdins really doesn't like sheep. She prefers her skunk farm, but the neighbors raised a stink. Or...PNP raised a stink. I don't know, someone stunk.


----------



## soulsurvivor

shhh, it's all secret and use of the proper codes around here, don't ya know? Shirley Temple is code for the "drink" not the child actor. Fowler, you should know that since you're the past president of our Shirley Temple (code for the drink called a Shirley Temple) fan club.

And PNP, we all know you're a member of our little sipper club too. We named you. Remember? PNP is code for Proper Nose Puker because you always do your overflow into the garbage can when you've had one too many Shirleys'. There's nothing like sipping the world's troubles away and enjoying a Shirley among friends. I would include beccachow in this but she never remembers anyways. She is the current president of our sipper club though and we feel our secret is safe with her.


----------



## PNP Katahdins

Beccachowchowchow can't tell the difference between skunks, Border collies and our black and white cat named BC.

Soul, real Wisconsinites don't drink Shirley Temples, they drink beer or brandy and 7. I'll have another! :buds:


----------



## beccachow

Ah, PNP, face down in the sheep feed bucket again by 6pm. Someone needs to go get SS, she is skinny dipping in the trough again. Boy, you Shirley Templers know how to party.


----------



## soulsurvivor

beccachow said:


> Ah, PNP, face down in the sheep feed bucket again by 6pm. Someone needs to go get SS, she is skinny dipping in the trough again. Boy, you Shirley Templers know how to party.


We do tend to get a little stiff but we really like you singing to us.
[YOUTUBE]gCOp3_G169Q[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCOp3_G169Q&NR=1[/ame]


----------



## megafatcat

I just know that the possums had something to do with Soulsurvivor's condition.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I've waited long enough for someone to come save my honor from megafatcat's wild lies. I really can't blame him too much because he's always stuck in the middle of trouble:

[YOUTUBE]go43XeW6Wg4[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=go43XeW6Wg4[/ame]


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## beccachow

When SS serves you her famous KittyCat Surprise, don't say we didn't warn you what the "surprise" is. Crunchy and chewy at the same time, this ball of baked fun is sure to please. Bring dental floss, since the cat hair tends to get stuck in your dentures.


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## Joshie

Becky has had to take a whole bunch of tests lately. She failed one the other day. If you work a little. It harder, BCCC, you'll eventually learn to do jumping jacks while standing on your head.


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## beccachow

Joshie has NO problem standing on HER head since it is completely flat. Like the earth.


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## Joshie

Becky's Chow threads floss through her ears so that BCCC can clean them. 

Hey, guys, did you know that when you shine a flashlight in one of BCCC's ears you can see a light coming out of the other?


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## 2doordad

Joshie is a lumberjack with no thumbs.


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## soulsurvivor

Joshie was an easy child to raise and always found the cutest ways to entertain herself. She was so creative in finding new ways to use old things such as using beccachow's empty head as a kaleidoscope. Joshie's science projects always had a surprise ending too and her exploding volcano delighted everyone with a room full of earthworms. We all took the rest of the day off and went fishing.


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## soulsurvivor

2doordad said:


> Joshie is a lumberjack with no thumbs.


You always just slip in the back door don't you? :shocked:


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## beccachow

2doordad knows all about thumbs, since he has 12. On each finger.

SS is famous in the world of midget wrestling.


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## 2doordad

beccachow paints my thumbnails on Thursdays for beer money. I think I'm gonna need a second coat.


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## beccachow

Only if you remember to wash the blood out from under those things first. Missing neighbors, blood under your nails...I don't buy the whole "cut yourself while shaving your legs" excuse.


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## 2doordad

What can I say......I'm all thumbs.


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## Joshie

I've never seen anybody else with ten thumbs on their hands and feet like you do. I think you'd look a little better if you stopped putting two of them up your nose. 

I'm sorry to tell you this but I'm not going to stand next to you anymore. I'm tired of you putting your thumbs up my nose.


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## 2doordad

You said you needed them there so you couldn't smell beccachow.


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## Fowler

2doordad sits on his thumbs all day, looking threw Becca's kaleidoscope head, while SS wrestles 2doordad's toes in a pool of cream cheese.


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## beccachow

Pretty colors...so many pretty colors...

And don't mistake Toe Cheese for Cream Cheese. As a side note, don't ever eat SS and 2doordad's award winning cheesecake. Just sayin'. :shrug:


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## Fowler

Thank explains were cheetos comes from...LMAO!!!


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## beccachow

OK, Fowler gets a stop the thread and laugh for that one, lol.


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## soulsurvivor

I see that beccachow is a mess again with all the burrs and stick-tites embedded in her hair and clothing. No, you cannot stand on my clean indoor rug and destick-tite yourself. No, you cannot practice blowing your turkey call inside my kitchen. No, I'm not in a good mood since you came back from your turkey hunting trip without a turkey. No, I did not eat all your Halloween candy. Joshie did.


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## beccachow

But I told you, those turkeys had really big guns!!!!


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## soulsurvivor

beccachow said:


> But I told you, those turkeys had really big guns!!!!


Well!! I know that's a lie. It's not gun season yet.


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## 2doordad

soulsurvivor was arrested last month for shooting turkies in the grocery store.


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## Fowler

That's because 2doordad convinced SS that frozen turkeys werent dead, while he hid behind the cooler making turkey calls.


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## beccachow

I was there, it was horrible. Hotdogs to the left of me, chicken nuggets scattered all over the floor, pork chops flying...and through it all, the noise of Fowler laughing, just...laughing...


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## 2doordad

I saw beccachow put a tootsie roll in her pocket and leave without paying for it.


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## soulsurvivor

tsk, tsk, 2doordad, you poor thing, and now we have to worry because you have an obsession with tootsie rolls. Don't get me wrong, I know you're saving the wrappers to make yourself a man purse, but it'll happen soon enough. You don't have to gps each and every tootsie roll wrapper.


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## beccachow

SS makes man purses out of toe cheese.


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## Joshie

Don't ever eat Becky's crackers and cheese. She uses toe cheese and belly button link. Talk about ripe!


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## 2doordad

She told me that was marshmallow creme. Joshie wrote all the words to the song wipeout.


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## NickieL

2 door dad regular bathes in Nutella, then rolls in the dirt after.


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## 2doordad

I think I need some toast. NickieL has been stalking Gumby for a looong time.


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## beccachow

On a related note, Double Door Dad, or DDD as we call him, thought that Gumby was a Stretch Armstrong doll one horrific Christmas morning. Gumby had stopped by to see what DDD had in his stocking, and DDD just...well, it was horrible. I still hear his tiny screams...DDD then tried to crazy glue Gumby back together, but ended up gluing his multiple thumbs together and had to wear mittens for a year. True story.


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## pattycake

True story? Come on now, everyone knows that Becca makes up words as she speaks. This is even documented in her permanent record at school.


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## Joshie

Pattycake lives on a diet of gummy bears, kool-aid, and cottage cheese.


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## soulsurvivor

Joshie said:


> Pattycake lives on a diet of gummy bears, kool-aid, and cottage cheese.


How about that? I always wondered how she had a purple tongue and a milk moustache. 

Joshie has no room to talk about pattiecakers' diet. She is addicted to deep fried twinkies and chocolate covered grasshoppers. It's not that I mind what she eats but she serves them to visitors as a "surprise, guess what this is?" kind of delicate food offering. I should have guessed it was bad when I saw her little dog run crying out of the room when she brought them out on that pretty gold rimmed platter.


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## 2doordad

soulsurvivor is just lying to make friends.


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## beccachow

Triple D has no friends, but is rather close with a styrofoam plate he used at a 4th of July function back in 1998.


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## 2doordad

beccachow gave me that plate......because it is magic!


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## soulsurvivor

becca chew drew on the plate and made it look as though it had a healthy salad on it. Now doubledoor can put anything he wants on the plate and pretend it's healthy. It really impresses people too.


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## 2doordad

soulsurvivor sings bass for the oak ridge boys........Getty up.


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## soulsurvivor

2doordad said:


> soulsurvivor sings bass for the oak ridge boys........Getty up.


[YOUTUBE]_MrvX_Oer1M[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MrvX_Oer1M[/ame]

Giddy Up Oom Pooppa Mow Mow
*Giddy Up Oom Pooppa Mow Mow !!!*

Boy I like that song!!


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## 2doordad

I think I just wet myself.


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## Fowler

2doordad wets himself singing bass while SS sings tenor.
Me and little Becca would join right in there.....I just cracked myself up!!!


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## beccachow

Poor Fowler; don't you know 2DoorDaddy never sleeps at night????


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## soulsurvivor

Beccachow knows everything about everyone, but is hesitant to tell about her own wonderful qualities. She works for the fire department because she's tall enough to be an emergency ladder for them. She also makes a good spy with eyes for the police department to catch people speeding. Becca is a boost to the community because she does volunteer work everywhere. Her story hour book reading is always to a sold out crowd of senior citizens. We'll let her explain why.


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## Fowler

SS is jealous of Becca's accomplishments, because she is the Bingo caller at the senior center, and gets caught speeding there every Thursday night.


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## beccachow

Fowler thinks it is funny to mess with the Bingo players. Fowler is still recovering from her black eye and dislocated shoulder from where she called, "X52. X52." I declare, I never saw a 104 year old lady move that fast in my life. Overtaken by the 4'2" 65 pound wheelhchair bound lady and unable to fight back, Fowler was quickly knocked to the floor and trampled. The old lady was cackling as she rolled over Fowler again and again. Fowler got her revenge by hiding the old lady's wheelchair in the creamed corn.

My story hour became a huge hit once I took to reading SS's short story collection. Written by our own beloved SS, the titles include, "Living With My Alcoholic Addiciton" and "101 Crafts using Cow Manure." The residents of Kooky Arms Manor are awestruck, staring raptly at me as I read the riveting stories. Or they are comatose, not sure which.


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## Fowler

It's because SS called out the wrong number, and the old woman yelled "BINGO" when SS said it was an upside 6 the old woman went nuts and clobbered me with her Bingo trolls, ran over me with her wheel chair, others were throwing their tennis balls from their walkers, while SS hid under the table, Becca was in the back yelling "throw your canes too"!! SS and Becca just wanted the firemen to come so they could show them their toe cheese.


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## beccachow

By the way, Fowler, congrats on your recent promotion at Kooky Arms Manor. Head Bedpan Cleaner is just a dream for some, but your constant studying and 25 years experience finally paid off. The residents say they could eat out of your bedpans. Which reminds me...SS, I need to tell you, as you are head chef at KAM, those are NOT soup bowls.


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## soulsurvivor

Confused but trying beccachow is wrong again. I'm not a chef. I'm a fund raising organizer and I make sure the bingo games go off without a hitch. I make sure there's plenty of pull tabs, dabbers, and that everyone has a large brown paper sack as a garbage container beside them. The bingo caller has to have a microphone that works loudly so the elders can hear them, and the bingo board has to have all its' lights working. I make certain the rules are followed and no cheating is allowed. I don't like it when bingo players revolt. Those dabbers become weapons of choice and I'm not really into cleaning multicolored polka dots off of bathroom surfaces.


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## 2doordad

soulsurvivor is making a life-size map of the United Kigdom. Happy Birthday Fowler!!


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## soulsurvivor

2doordad sings in a barbershop quartet by himself:

[YOUTUBE]HMa-iPe_A98[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMa-iPe_A98[/ame]


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## beccachow

Is it really Fowler's birthday? Hard to tell in THIS thread, lol. Happy Birthday, Fowler.

And...don't eat any of SS's cake.


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## Fowler

Thanks my lyin, toe cheese cake makin peeps, Nice barbershop quartet of 2doordad SS that was awesome, thank you.


Becca stop lookin at my toes....LOL


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## 2doordad

fowler is really eleven.


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## soulsurvivor

2doordad said:


> fowler is really eleven.


eleven what?

snakes?

puppy dog tails?

snails?

what?

Make it clear boy!

We have to hear boy!

You forget.

We're in a liars' thread.

You have to enunciate everything for this crowd of lunatics.

[YOUTUBE]0ISJS4gSBh0[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ISJS4gSBh0&feature=related[/ame]


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## 2doordad

soulsurvivor is in love with the Gordon's fisherman.......she trusts him.


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## beccachow

Triple D is actually Mr. Clean. No, I mean the REAL one, sports the bald head and earring and all.


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## 2doordad

When I stand with my hands on my waist beccachow mocks me......she is envious of my shine.
Beccca chow is soaking in palmolive as we speak........due to her envy. I SHINE!


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## beccachow

Triple D is a rap star, a one hit wonder. "Yo, See SPot Run" was a number one hit for almost a half a day.


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## 2doordad

beccachow was my manager.


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## Joshie

2door wears a nose ring.


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## soulsurvivor

Joshie plays ring around the nosey with 2door. I've watched 'em play it. It's kinda like Twister on steroids.


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## soulsurvivor

oh! sorry, forgot to describe the game. Joshie grabs ahold of 2door's nose and without letting go attempts to walk all the way around 2door.


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## soulsurvivor

In the game of Ring Around the Nosey it works better for everyone if you're all about the same height. Joshie is a petite lil' thing and is very competitive and won't let go, no matter what. I've watched her make many a grown man cry.


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## 2doordad

I loaned soulsurvivor my pocket full of posies and she has yet to return them.


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## 2doordad

soulsurvivor still wears hammer pants.....can't touch this.


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## soulsurvivor

2doordad said:


> soulsurvivor still wears hammer pants.....can't touch this.


I did the hammer pants but today they're called snuggle wraps:

[YOUTUBE]tYi3pwK6KkI[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYi3pwK6KkI[/ame]


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## beccachow

SS did, in fact, touch this. And that is why I have a restraining order against her and she is wanted in 23 states.


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## Joshie

BCCC, no matter how many times you order me, I will not restrain my BFF.


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## InvalidID

Joshie said:


> BCCC, no matter how many times you order me, I will not restrain my BFF.


 The above has Bieber fever.


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## Joshie

Invalid is Bieber's baby mama.


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## InvalidID

Joshie said:


> Invalid is Bieber's baby mama.


 Ummm hmmmm. Now stay away from mah boy!


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## pattycake

I recently saw Invalid standing on the I65 ramp with a sign that said "Will work for food".


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## InvalidID

You only saw me because you wanted the spot for your OWS sign...


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## clovis

Did anyone else see InvalidID on the news tonight?

Seems that he just got arrested for starting an "Occupy Graceland" camp in Memphis, TN.

Apparently, he obsessed with the fact that Elvis has been "the king" for far too long...


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## InvalidID

clovis said:


> Did anyone else see InvalidID on the news tonight?
> 
> Seems that he just got arrested for starting an "Occupy Graceland" camp in Memphis, TN.
> 
> Apparently, he obsessed with the fact that Elvis has been "the king" for far too long...


 ound: I got nuffin for that.


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## soulsurvivor

Don't let him fool you InvalidID. Old clovis is just biding time waiting for his christmas present to be delivered:

[YOUTUBE]W6lyZXgPByU[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6lyZXgPByU[/ame]


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## pattycake

Poor Soul has moved on to Christmas talk after contacting all of her relatives and several friends asking for an invite to Thanksgiving dinner. Everyone had an excuse on why they could not include her.


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## soulsurvivor

pattycake said:


> Poor Soul has moved on to Christmas talk after contacting all of her relatives and several friends asking for an invite to Thanksgiving dinner. Everyone had an excuse on why they could not include her.


That's ok, I'm stuffed... besides, I've seen how you make giblet gravy. 

If April rains bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? ..... Pilgrims.


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## Joshie

You look mighty nice in that Pilgrim hat and go go boots, my BFF.


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## 2doordad

Joshie is dressing like a pilgrim for her debut on dancing with the stars.


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## beccachow

All Double D wants for Christmas is his two front teeth. No, really, he knocked them out bobbing for bricks at a Halloween get-together.


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## 2doordad

Beccachow still has my front teeth under her pillow. It's never gonna work you know.
Thither Thucy Thittn on a thistle.


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## Joshie

DoubleD you're a sight to see in your double Ds. Are you sure you're not 2doormom?


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## 2doordad

I'm just big bonned and curvy!
Joshie has been forbidden from black friday shopping due to her fighting habits and intimidation practices.


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## beccachow

Double D is making a tofu turkey tomorrow.

Sorry, I can't come to your house for T-Giving, Double D. I will be busy sticking bamboo shoots under my fingernails.


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## soulsurvivor

Eat turducken with becky at your own risk. Some have considered reporting her for food abuse:


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## 2doordad

soulsurvivor will be on the peoples court in march over that turducken.


----------



## Joshie

DoubleD pushed SS who knocked into me as I was pulling my sugar pie out of the oven. SS, I'm so glad you threw the baking soda over the fire. You saved our lives.


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## soulsurvivor

I bet if we ask beccachow real nice she'll give us a little fire extinguisher for our kitchens. I'm guessing she's an expert on burnt food fires.


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## 2doordad

soulsurvivor was just awarded a medal of honor.


----------



## soulsurvivor

2doordad said:


> soulsurvivor was just awarded a medal of honor.


You gave me a sack of gold medal flour. I have to be careful in containing my excitement.


----------



## beccachow

Geesh, catch one tray of nachos on fire and I'm marked for life, lol.

The only gold SS sees is her 5 gold teeth.


----------



## soulsurvivor

I thought it was 5 golden rings, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves, and a mop in the sink.

Capeesh? You have 5 golden rings to use in throwing on the bird to bring it down. When you do that the bird does a poop and you have to mop it up.

Yes, you need more rings, 5 rings for 9 birdies is coming up short, but you have to practice responsible catch and release when bird hunting so the birds can fly forth and proprogate their particular birdie species. I think quails should be added as I like those better than turtle doves.

Turkeys are no fun to hunt. They'll beat you to death with their big wings if they can manage to flog you like a rooster.


----------



## beccachow

I need to drink as much pre-season egg nog as SS obviously has, and try to read her post again.


----------



## 2doordad

beccachow is lactose intolerant. That's why she drinks egg-nog.


----------



## Joshie

Double D has egg in his noggin'.


----------



## oldmanriver

Joshie doesn't like eggs says the shells stick in her teeth


----------



## pattycake

Oldmanriver has just waded in troubled waters by replying to Joshies post as she is so deep with SS and Beccachow that something bad will probably happen to him. If he does not post in the next 24 hrs then please contact a moderator.


----------



## soulsurvivor

oldmanriver said:


> Joshie doesn't like eggs says the shells stick in her teeth


oldmanriver has eggshells on the mind:

[YOUTUBE]-sWnKjtMDn8[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sWnKjtMDn8[/ame]

You aren't a true Ky native unless you have your own little garage.


----------



## soulsurvivor

yap yap yap pattycaker, I hear you singing in oldmanriver's garage. You can't hide forever.


----------



## pattycake

Soul, I know you are but what am I? Soul is known in Kentucky as the Intimidator and I am know in Indiana as the peace maker. Would all you sweet homesteaders say who is the biggest liar??


----------



## beccachow

I am known in MD as the Pizza-nator. Ummm, pizza.


----------



## oldmanriver

help it fells like pins sticking me all over . Does Joshie pratice voodoo ??
Is her real name Narie Lavole ??


----------



## soulsurvivor

oldmanriver said:


> help it fells like pins sticking me all over . Does Joshie pratice voodoo ??
> Is her real name Narie Lavole ??


Fess up, you're from Wooley Creek ain't you?

[YOUTUBE]G9qaIFS16nE[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9qaIFS16nE[/ame]


----------



## Joshie

SS got her fur coat from a wooly mammoth.


----------



## Melissa

I do apologize for closing this thread, BUT according to a discussion on the moderator board, it is advisable for the sake of the data-base to keep threads under 1000 posts. For now we are just locking any threads that are over that amount. We may have to split them later- not sure about that yet. Feel free to start a new thread. It will also need to be closed after 1000 posts. Thanks for your understanding~


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