# Grandson coming to live with me.



## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Life sure has some unexpected twists and turns.
I will be getting the sweet little guy tomorrow. 
He is 4 years old.
I hope his parents get a handle on their lives.
In the meantime, things sure are going to change around here!


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

Wow, that is a big change for sure. Enjoy and good luck "rebecoming" a parent.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

I have raised two daughters so this sure will be different.
Any tips on 4 year old boys would be appreciated! 
He is excited about seeing the power ranger costume I made him.


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

thats a great age! My GS likes all costumes all the time we have a box that he pulls from most days, read to/with them its a good time to get them into books. Cooking is another fun thing.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Oh we will definitely be reading. I love books too.

He is use to watching much tv. That will not happen here, so I want to have other things in mind.

He is quite the helper, so cooking is a great idea .


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## summerdaze (Jun 11, 2009)

Oh what a great joy this is gonna be!!!! Great age too! I can only WISH that my grandsons would come live with me. Their parents don't have it together either. 
When I moved to this house recently, that put me 5 minutes from them, and I usually pick them up Sunday morning and keep them till 7:00 or so. There's 4 of them (well the oldest one is with my ex, which isn't good either) They are 12, 10, 9, 7, and 6. All boys!!!!! They bring me a lot of happiness.


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## light rain (Jan 14, 2013)

Going to zoos and pet a pet farms. Libraries often have scheduled story times and educational activities. At 4 he should have his numbers and alphabet down pat so if not, you two could work on those.

Making popcorn and watching DVDs movies and nature shows. Camping outside in a tent before it gets too cold. Hot dog and marshmallow roasts. There are so many opportunities for fun and learning.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Well then summerdaze, you may just the person to ask.

Is it customary for a 4 yr old to climb on the seat, squat down with feet on the seat and wizz? :shrug:


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

At four, mine just wants to hang out with me and do everything I do. And ask questions constantly.


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

roadless said:


> Well then sunnerdaze, you may just the person to ask.
> 
> Is it customary for a 4 yr old to climb on the seat, squat down with feet on the seat and wizz? :shrug:


I babysat for a boy that did that, and found out its how he was potty trained at pre school, it keeps the pee in the toilet so I was told, they can hold on to the sides of the toilet and not have to hold on to the peeer

OH and make sure you have your house child proofed they get into all kinds of stuff STILL.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

One of the main reasons why I bought the cottage in PA.was for family times. It has land to explore and water to play in, all kinds of animals come along. He loves it there.

He is coming to live with me in MA. I live with a roommate in an over 55 mobile home park. Very different environment for the little guy. I will be arranging daycare while I work. I wish it didn't have to be this way.Would love to just stay home with him but I can't. 

Actually I think it will be great for him to be around other kids his age, I just hope all the changes aren't to hard on the lil guy.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

handymama said:


> At four, mine just wants to hang out with me and do everything I do. And ask questions constantly.


Lol, mine is a talker too! They come up with the most interesting questions don't they?


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

Yep. Yesterday we pulled weeds. He said we were taking them to find new homes. 
Right now, captain America is driving down my leg to save my toes from the mean house shoe.


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## bigjon (Oct 2, 2013)

roadless,u are a very lucky person! i'd be thrilledto have that chance.............


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## summerdaze (Jun 11, 2009)

roadless said:


> Well then sunnerdaze, you may just the person to ask.
> 
> Is it customary for a 4 yr old to climb on the seat, squat down with feet on the seat and wizz? :shrug:


Depends. Is this something he just started doing, or has he always had little Issues? If he's always been a bit of a handful, well, kids will only do what they can get away with. If parents don't spend enough time with them, or turn a blind eye to this kind of stuff, then you'll have to deprogram him. 

But sometimes when kids are going through a rough time, and they're a bit traumatized by what they see and hear going on between their parents, there can be some very unique ways their stresses come out. 

When I first started spending lots of time with mine, after a long absence, the 10 yr old was very disconnected. He pulled away from everybody, and would pretty much ignore what was going on around him, with minimal eye contact, and conversation. 

The 9 yr old during certain times (like if he's timid about asking a question) will talk in baby talk. He's better now, but he still does it.

The 7 yr old has some little things going on, but none that I would attribute to extreme stress. 

The 6 yr old was very destructive. He was the one who broke things A LOT. And he knows better. He's very bright. 

Now I am seeing real change with these guys. The 10 yr old is engaged, and when I come to pick him up, I hear him say "Mamaw's here!!!" He's quite mature for his age, and I let him make some decisions, (like picking out books for his brothers) and have been giving him more responsibilities, which he seems to like. 

The youngest one hasn't torn up anything in quite a while now. One time he took all the price stickers I had for a garage sale, and plastered them all over the walls. of the bedroom. I told him he needed to peel every one of those off. He thought I was gonna help him, and it was all funny till he realized I wasn't kidding, HE was going to do it. 
If he scribbles in a book, HE will take an eraser and remove it. And so on. He knows that actions have consequences. 

They are all pretty fast learners. They know that Grandma DOES NOT reward for bad behavior. Things are getting better all the time, and they're such neat little guys! The little one is a pistol, but he has SUCH a big heart! We cook together, go to the playground every week, play games, watch movies, etc. 
You're really going to enjoy your boy there Roadless, but it might be quite the challenge, and you're gonna have to pay the price, but it will so be worth it! :kiss: to you


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

Biggest problem with mine right now is he keeps taking stuff apart to see how it works. Toys, remotes, radios, you name it. We've been building with blocks and doing lots of puzzles, which really seems to satisfy his urge to create and destroy lol. 
My son is always with me if I'm using tools too. This kid can actually put screws in a wall with a drill and use a hammer already. With supervision of course.
But he could care less about coloring. 
He does love to cook.
I read to him, which he loves. But then he also likes to take the books and read to me from memory.
He loves animals. Earlier today he caught a frog and named it peeper. We have a lot of animal discussions.
And he also goes running through the house regularly doing karate moves and being Spider-Man shooting pretend webs everywhere. 
I believe he's pretty typical lol.


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## Echoesechos (Jan 22, 2010)

What a shot of energy he will bring. Curiosity and a want to learn are huge at that age. Enjoy it. Hopefully your 55+ area won't have problems with him living there. My Moms will only let anyone stay for a free days.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Echoesechos, if this had happened 6 months ago it would have been a problem.

A single mother died leaving 3 children. The grandmother and uncle live here and of course took in the children.
A lawsuit was filed by some neighbors stating the age requirements and wanted the children to go.
When gathering information for the lawsuit it was found that whatever was supposed to happen to legally have an age limit for the park, didn't so the children stayed.


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

Can't help with the potty training. Mine killed the shrubs in front of the porch seeing who could put out the imaginary fire in front of the house. When I could get them to use indoor plumbing, they stood up, and sometimes even hit the correct target. If you can ingrain a joy of reading (and get him off the TV), that would be a lifelong gift that would pay huge dividends. A four year old may be able to read, although I've seen girls do it more than boys. One of mine started at that age, but the other was a little too hyper and learned later. 

Have fun today.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Thanks RW, getting on thr road now.
Let the adventures begin!


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

My boy.......he was NOTHING like my girls.
Kinetic Energy defined.
It's ok. He's a boy. Boys need to climb trees, dig in the mud, run around the yard like a lunatic, ask 1000 questions, fidget in their chairs, build legos, etc.
They're boys!!

If I had a 4 year old dropping in my lap today, I would make sure his diet was made up of organic, natural, fresh foods free of artificial sweeteners, colors and additives.
Perfume and dye free laundry soap and no dryer sheets or fabric softener.

I'd take him to the store and let him pick the coolest toothbrush he wanted, and I'd get organic tooth paste. I'd let him sniff all the shampoos / soaps (in the organic isle) and let him pick his own shampoo and soap.

(Making personal hygiene 'personal' and important, and not scary)

I would establish a routine, because there is comfort in the 'known'. 
I would learn as much as I could about his first 4 years of life, then determine if I need to get a professional to assist me in understanding him, guiding him, disciplining him, training him.

I would love that kid.....love his face off!!!!


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

My boy was the type who would say "EWW, GROSS!" While craning his neck for a better look. My daughter was not.

That might be a true gender difference or it might just be the difference between 2 very different children!


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## Guest (Sep 28, 2014)

How sad that this move is necessary...how wonderful that he gets to be with his Grammy...

"Routine" is a great thing with little ones..makes them feel secure, knowing what's coming next as much as possible...and at the same time, giving him choices each day will help learn that even though he cannot control all of this, his opinion matters..i.e. put two sets of clothes out each morning...it's his choice which to wear..if he wants plaid with polka dots, that's just fine..cereal or eggs? 

Too many choices aren't good..and not enough is worse...you'll find the balance..

I had a bunch of my own plus a tribe of foster children..learning how to be silly was often the best gift...


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

Yes, we do that all the time. It helps avoid power struggles. I tell him it's time for bed, a bath, supper, etc. But he gets to pick what to wear as long as it fits the weather, what we are reading tonight, bath or shower, and milk or juice with supper.
And a schedule is great. It gives them the security of knowing what comes next, along with him not arguing when I say to do something because he was sorta expecting it anyway.


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

And my boys reason for not wanting to use the big potty as opposed to his plastic potty chair was that the big one was cold on his legs and pee-pee. Maybe that's it with this little guy too.
I have a boy and girls both. Girls are drama queens. My boy is easier by far.
He brings me flowers he's picked in the yard and loves cuddles.
Sweet memory, my oldest daughter found our first chicken egg and brought it in. He went frantically searching for one and ended up bringing me a rock about the same size, shape, and color. He knew it was a rock, and looked at me so hopefully, wanting me to be excited about it like I had the egg.
That rock will always be on my nightstand. They just want our love and approval so much!


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)




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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

That is so awesome! Bet he's one happy kid now!


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Yep, at dinner he took the mask off to take a bite then put back on to chew!

To cute!


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

He's thinking you're the coolest granny ever, hope you know that lol


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

And I'm thinking he's the coolest grandson ever!


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

Lookin Good! Now he needs the other colors


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

Bet he got a kick out of you lying down on the floor to take that picture.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Very funny RW!


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

They talk a LOT at that age. Living by myself for so long, that about wears my ears out when I babysit for my girls 0_0

(increase your B-12, just sayin...) 

~ST


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## summerdaze (Jun 11, 2009)

And there will be some not so good days. My little firecracker 6 yr old got his first spanking today from Mamaw, and it did not feel good to either of us. Right from the start he was mad b/c he didn't want to pull weeds. ( I told them they could earn some money by doing some yard chores today) Then he was mad b/c nobody was letting him pull weeds. (not true) It was like he was just LOOKING for things to be mad about, and kept crying, name calling, throwing rocks, stomping off, and growing more and more agitated all the while. I tried to get him to calm down, and I tried talking with him, then I told him to come in the house and he wouldn't. He'd just run off and reappear every so often to make sure everyone knew how mad is was. 

I thought if I didn't nip this in the bud, he'd be carrying on like this all day. I can't tolerate this level of disrespect. He slipped into the house while I was cooking brunch for everyone, and I saw him walk past and caught him. I gave him another chance to talk to me about it, and he wouldn't, just very defiant in body language, snarky, etc. So I had to warm his butt for him.

He was a different boy after that. Later we had a talk, and I felt like we made peace. 
Sometimes they're just going to push your buttons. Sometimes you're going to look back and think you could have handled something better then what you did. And even if you blow your cool, it's very important to talk to them when things are more settled. They need to know that even if they're being little butt munches, that you still love them, and want the best for them. And you both need a hug.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

I am fuming. 
My daughter and I agreed to a game plan to get her life out of a ditch.
I went over and over it with her to make sure we were on the same page.
She assured me we were.
Many were involved to make it happen.
I knew the lil guy was going to have a tough time adjusting short term but was willing to take it on, knowing in the long run it would be best for all parties.

So now she changed her mind and it appears another roadtrip is in my future.
:flame:

It is hard to be done with the drama when innocent children are involved.


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

Seriously????


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

My thoughts exactly.
Shame on me, I thought she was serious this time.


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

I am so confused. I personally couldn't let my son go live with his grandma. But if I'd already agreed to it and he was already there then I would have kept my mouth shut and buckled down and done whatever I needed to do to hurry and get my life together.
This has got to be confusing the day lights out of the poor little guy, not to mention toying with your emotions. I'm so sorry.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Yep, handymama, all of the above.
It is maddening.


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## Guest (Sep 29, 2014)

ouch...

my prayers are with you...lousy situation..


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

Sorry you are getting yanked around, and I don't know what to suggest. You should not harden your heart (especially, especially when young children are involved), but you can get pulled all over creation trying to accommodate "grown" children, if you let them do it. If you have to make the drive, be safe.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Thank you , bostonlesley
I just don't know what more I can do and my heart hurts for the kids.

Yep RW, another long drive today. I will spent the night at my cottage.
I can't do it in one day.
Another day off of work.
Oh boy, I am not a happy camper today.

On a lighter note, I don't think the lil guy is ever taking off the power ranger costume!


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

He looked sooo happy in it lol


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## summerdaze (Jun 11, 2009)

What about if you just said "No" ? I don't know what all the problems are, but I'm thinking addictions, unsafe environment, serious financial issues, (can't provide basic necessities, a home, pay bills, etc) are usually the big ones that make it necessary for a child to live somewhere else for a time while the parents get it together. 

You've got the upper hand now. If there ARE serious issues, is it best to bring him back? Could you say I will bring him back when I know some real positive changes have occurred and I don't think it's in the best interests of this little boy to go right now? Would they retaliate? Call the law on you? 
Could you file for temporary legal guardianship? Do they have the means to fight you legally on anything? 

Maybe you don't want the system involved in your business, and I understand that. But sometimes it works. I guess you'll just have to determine what would be in his best interests. If he in any danger of physical/emotional abuse, or neglect of some sort, that takes it to a different level, of course.

If it's just typical dumb stuff, parents fighting, money issues, immaturity on the part of the parents, joblessness and all that comes with that, etc..... it would be harder to return a child, knowing that their parents may or MAY NOT get it together. But there's only so much we can do. (legally too) 
My heart goes out to you. I know this is stressful for you, and hopefully at 4, you're little guy won't suffer from disappointment, confusion, etc... Kids are very resilient though! A year from now he might not even remember this blip in time. 
I will pray for you, and wish you all the best in dealing with all this.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

If there was abuse this would be a no brainer.
Immaturity, chaos and drama, of course this all affects the lil guy.
30 and 40 year olds.
She was going to leave him, and wanted to have a healthier place for her son till she got her ducks in a row.
Now they are going to go to counseling (again) to work out their differences.
I'm not a fortune teller but past experiences tell me it is postponing the inevitable. 
I hope I'm wrong.

We will be meeting half way tonight to return the lil guy when she gets out of work, so we will leave at 3 and hopefully both be back to our homes by 9:30 or so.

I can't afford to take any more time off of work if at all possible.
.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Arrrrrrrrrrrggggghhhhh!!!!!

Just had to get it out of my system.
Thanks for listening.


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## summerdaze (Jun 11, 2009)

I'm so sorry Roadless. (((HUGS)))


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## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

I'm sorry to hear this development, but not surprised. I helped raise a great nephew whose mother just couldn't get her act together for years. But it did not keep her from showing up asking for him back, or more often expecting me to deliver him to the next state. When he started school, I refused to let him go back till summer break. It was just too hard on the little guy jerking him around like that. I'm happy to report my niece did finally get herself together to finish raising him, and he graduated last summer a year early. It was tough, but I wouldn't trade those years for anything. 

Don't be surprised if you get the call to come back for him again. And don't be surprised if a 'month or two' turns into three or four years. It breaks your heart everytime they jerk them back when you can see they aren't ready. Praying for you.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Thank you Jaclynne, I am glad it all worked out for your nephew. It is so frustrating isn't it?

If there is to be a next time, I will make sure the temporary custody papers are signed first.


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## Seth (Dec 3, 2012)

roadless said:


> Well then summerdaze, you may just the person to ask.
> 
> Is it customary for a 4 yr old to climb on the seat, squat down with feet on the seat and wizz? :shrug:




Is there another way? I'm 36. Seth


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## Ziptie (May 16, 2013)

handymama said:


> Biggest problem with mine right now is he keeps taking stuff apart to see how it works. Toys, remotes, radios, you name it. We've been building with blocks and doing lots of puzzles, which really seems to satisfy his urge to create and destroy lol.
> My son is always with me if I'm using tools too. This kid can actually put screws in a wall with a drill and use a hammer already. With supervision of course.
> But he could care less about coloring.
> He does love to cook.
> ...


My DS (8 yr) loves to take apart stuff too. We bought him the Snap circuits and he plays with it all the time. Grandma got him the light one and each night he builds his own reading light. It has cut down on him tearing apart our stuff.


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

Ziptie I may get him those when he gets bigger. Right now he loses everything lol.


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

Seth, I imagine you must find those public restroom stalls mighty tough to fit into, with your legs up like a big ol bullfrog...


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## homefire2007 (Sep 21, 2007)

Wow! Roadless you rock, your little grandson is blessed to have you.And the other giving grandmas here, what a difference you all make in their lives!


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## summerdaze (Jun 11, 2009)

What a chaotic 24 hours it's been! My 4 grandsons and their mom are now living with me. I've got 2 kids in the attic, 2 kids in a bedroom, mom sleeping in the livingroom, and me in my room. Last night I didn't sleep at all. And my DIL and I worked really hard today getting all her stuff moved, and rearranging my little house to make room for more stuff. I took the day off today to get everything done. It's going to be interesting! Hope my friend was right,......that I AM adequate.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Wow, summerdaze, life sure can change quickly, huh?
I hope all goes well.
Keep us posted!


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

Wow Summerdaze. Sounds you are in for an exciting Autumn. Hope it all works out for everyone, and it's amazing how you can "stretch" a house when you must. But do get some sleep. Es mucho importante.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

summerdaze said:


> What a chaotic 24 hours it's been! My 4 grandsons and their mom are now living with me. I've got 2 kids in the attic, 2 kids in a bedroom, mom sleeping in the livingroom, and me in my room. Last night I didn't sleep at all. And my DIL and I worked really hard today getting all her stuff moved, and rearranging my little house to make room for more stuff. I took the day off today to get everything done. It's going to be interesting! Hope my friend was right,......that I AM adequate.


You are not 'adequate'........you my dear are abundant.
Adequate implies, just enough.....

You ma lady, overflow. You, are, abundant!

May God Bless you so much, that your arms can't spread wide enough to receive it all at once!!!


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

I sure wish my mom was like you.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

I understand. 
I learned how to parent by doing the opposite of what my parents did handymama!


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## summerdaze (Jun 11, 2009)

Thanks everyone for your kind words of encouragement. :grouphug: Today was kinda tough going in to work, coz I was just SO tired! I came home and thought I was going to sleep a bit while DIL cared for the kids. Sometimes when I get overly tired, I can't sleep...like I'm trying too hard or something. 

Well, at least I relaxed and sort of got a second wind. Fixed dinner and let them do little things with me. Had some great conversations and prayers tonight. Talked about love, and how it's not just words, it's actions and commitment to each other. The 7 year old prayed for his daddy and asked God to help his family. 

The youngest one is a handful. (6) Very hardheaded and disruptive as well as destructive, but he's been getting better with that. Gonna be prayin' for LOTS of patience, and love to give these guys. (and mom)
They ARE awesome though, and even though it's hard, I feel like I'm also kinda coming alive to have them here. My cat likes it too, haha! He's a "people person".


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

I wish you and the kids well summerdaze.
I know what you mean about the house coming alive again.
It can be such a wonderful chaos.
After lil guy left i stubbed my toe on a forgotten toy.
Made me smile.
It is very quiet here now.


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