# My Week in Vulnerability



## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

This week I have had several surgeries and there may be a couple more yet. It all happened very fast. Couple of seconds really. Last Saturday night I was involved in an accident and ended up with a fractured nose bone (not the cartilage, so it's not going to be misshapen like a boxer's nose lol) and two of my front teeth broken off way up past the gumline basically in my sinuses.

It has not been a fun week. Even with some insurance, it pretty much took a half a months pay....in one day, Monday, at all the doctor's and pharmacy. 

I'm bringing this up not for sympathy but because all day Sunday after the accident I refused to go to emergency mainly because I am stubborn but secondarily because of money. And as I layed around that day with ice packs and anti-inflamatories I did a lot of thinking.

In fact, for several hours I did something I don't usually do ever....and that was feel sorry for myself. I found that I wasn't lamenting the fact that this happened so much...even when I realized my front teeth were broken and how attractive is that when you are hoping to find a mate? No...I felt sorry for myself because for the first time in a very long time I am in a place without family or someone who cares close. Without the daily living with my daughter, without being able to go to my mother's house for soup or something. No one to care for me at all present.

And it isn't because I cannot take care of myself and it isn't because I've never been without family. And it isn't because I haven't gotten ill or injured before without family or someone around. It is because I am very tired of being alone and it's been a long time since I have been injured this badly. And that is when you really need someone.

I went through cancer alone even though I lived within a mile from my mother, my daughter was a young teen living with me and had a live-in boyfriend. Why? Because I am an idiot lol....because I am the strong one. I am the one that helps everyone. I am the one that, when everyone else freaks out, I don't or don't show I'm freaking out so they may feel and function better. Because I make sure everyone else is okay. It's what I do.

So I lay here last Sunday with one long thought in my head which was...if some man were to, right now, just show up and take care of me and care for me and make sure I am well and good and be trustworthy and honest...I don't really care what he looks like, what his bank account is, what he does, etc...just that he is a good person and cares about me...gets me some soup maybe...helps me roll over when I am hurting...he would be the dude.

It angers me so much that I know women and men who have people in their lives that care for them and are good decent human beings and they toy with them or throw them away. There are so many of us that just want someone that gives a ****. It angers me also that there are so many women and men out there that have been hurt so badly by others that they are so very suspicious about anyone that comes into their lives...not angry at them but at what has been done to them.

Why do humans do this to each other? 

I am angry at all the women who abused the feelings and self confidence of my best friend before I met him. A man I have known for five years now and love to death...he and I may have been able to have that thing that lasts forever romantically if he wouldn't have had the last couple stomp him for all he is worth. I am grateful to have him in my life and call him my friend and I know he will be my friend the rest of my life...but it angers me that a very good, loving and decent human being has been basically destroyed in the way of romantic relationships. Even if I were not ultimatey the object of that romance, it angers me that we will never know and that any other woman deserving of his love will never experience it either.

So today is my home spa day. I've had three facial surgeries this week. I'm on a lot of drugs. I've cleaned my tiny apartment. I've turned home canned green beans, squash and carrots into marinara sauce somehow. Even though I cannot eat it and haven't eaten a solid piece of food for exactly 6 days and I'm alright with my potatoes and jello. I've smiled at the landscape guys and the bank people when I went out to pay my rent even though they cannot see it because I wear a mask...funny thing these surgical masks...people move away ... possible communicable disease is what they think I am sure. 

People on this forum or somewhere else have had it worse. I have had it worse. I remember laying in hospital beds before I left my husband wondering what I did to deserve any of it.

None of us deserve it. But are blessed if we have a few people that can help hold us up when we need it.

And for all of you reading this who DO have someone(s) whether romantic or not...please never take them for granted. Love and bonding isn't rare...but in today's society it is a feat. For those that are capable are scared and scarred and you are lucky to find and keep them.


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

(((((hugs WhyNot)))))

Yeah. What she said.

~ST


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

WhyNot, seldom have I read a post here that moved me as yours has. Your situation brought me to tears and the true heart of you that came through your post. Youâre one of the strongest women Iâve encountered here, and to see you feeling so demoralized by your circumstances just... hurts. If I lived anywhere nearby, Iâd come look after you, and happily.

I wish for you gentle healing, inside and out. And if it helps, I hope you will spend time here for the support you need. I can't bring you soup, but maybe I can help you laugh.

I have a good friend who lost her front teeth... the dental appliance she had made was so good, I never realized it until she popped them out when grinning at me once while we watched a movie in a theater. It made us laugh so hard I think the management was on the cusp of asking us to leave -- especially as the film was a sad one. The teeth are replaceable, I promise.

Biggest hugs to you.


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

WhyNot I sure do feel for you with the pain you're experiencing now. And being down (physically, emotionally, every other -ally) while being alone is rough. And it sucks. Big Time. 

And the hardest part of being a part of this community--our Singletree community--is not being able to "be there" for each other in ways other than virtually, spiritually. 

But I can tell you from personal, real experience, having folks a great distance away from me, caring, helped.


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

Kiddo, lots of folks here to give what they can, moral support, prayers... Even the strongest of us DO, can and will break at times. Big difference in what you are doing and feeling sorry for yourself! Teeth can be replaced. You can't. Any guy worth your keeping around will see the young lady inside, and fix on her. You have hit on a tremendous truth; don't forget it when you heal. The right heart and mind, male or female, exists outside bank accounts. Outside all the externals so many think are absolute prerequisites for them. When you find that, and you WILL, now that you know what IS rock bottom basic, go with it wholeheartedly. As bleak as things look for those searching, there ARE more good hearts and souls out there than may seem. Prayers for recovery, and discovery.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Gentle hugs, Whynot.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

I'd bring you soup!


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## foaly (Jan 14, 2008)

Hugs, hugs, hugs, jello, and ice cream for you.

If it weren't for geography, there's a bunch of us HTers who'd be there to help you.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

May you heal quickly and find peace.
Ox


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

Wish there was something I could do....know that you are in my thoughts for healing, inside and out.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

I can't add more than what others here have said and I sure know that I can't say it better. Hugs to you.


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## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

Like Terri said, there's not much more I can add. I could tell you I've been there, and I have, not exactly but danged close, so I understand that feeling of vulnerability. I can tell you I've watched in horrified wonder as someone discards a prize as ordinary, never understanding the rare gift they've been offered.
So, I hope you're feeling better soon. May the feelings of vulnerability be fleeting, and may you recognize the rare gift when its presented and offer the same.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Hugs to you, WhyNot. Many of us who choose healing walk the path alone. We can do it because we are strong enough to choose healing. Others can't do it for us. It's sad so many can't choose it for themselves.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Oh hell, WhyNot! Guys aren't supposed to cry. But, I really don't care what they say! You don't know how many of the things you wrote touched a spot deep in me. Well, I guess you do now. I admire you so much for posting that. Be well, hon. You'll heal. We care.


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Praying that healing comes quickly and gently to you. You just don't know how much I admire you; your spirit and your heart. You've been my inspiration many, many times. (((Hugs)))


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## Guest (Feb 15, 2014)

Oh my goodness..you sweet thing, you...that was just the most wonderful "from the heart" post..I think we ALL wish that we could be with you an shower you with affirming hugs, and drown you in chicken soup..LOL

Everyone else already said the most important things...I can only add my cyberhugs..
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

I'm bisexual. I'm not sure if that would change anyone's answers or not but it seemed like the right time to spring it on ya'll. LOL
Seriously, I appreciate everyone here...whether for me or against me; and didn't really put this here for the sympathy, but who can avoid it? Mostly I just wanted to say what I said. That it is terrible that we (humans) are how we are to each other sometimes and that it gets in the way of everyone enjoying what is great about being human. This capacity to care and love should not be hidden away.

Thank you to everyone for the kind words but more than that I hope it sparks something in someone that would not have been sparked otherwise and that that should lead to their happiness. I've said for a long time....ten years now...ever since my 29th birthday...I know I will be alone for the rest of my life. My one wish is that no one else has to be.


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

You won't be alone the rest of your life. The teeth can be fixed. Nothing sexier than a woman with a sense of humor. I can just see you popping those teeth at some one who doesn't expect it. If nothing else you can move to West Virginia and you'll fit right in. You may have to give up wearing shoes though.


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

W.N. , I am sorry that you have had this terrible accident,it sounds like you must of really got wacked-probably lucky to be alive. It also sounds as if you have been down before, and you got back up. Life can beat you up-but it can't take your Spirit, if you don't let it. You sound like you really got the Blues right now, but when the tide changes (and it will), It will feel all the more sweeter! I hope you find Relief, and Healing- and someone who cares about you. I want you to be Happy too*. Sincerely, Tom


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

WN, if you can love at all, then that puts you miles ahead of many who are here. Makes no difference to anything I said and hope you already knew that. 

Personally, I find someoneâs sexual orientation the least interesting thing about them. We love who we love. And I agree, happiness is out there for you. Hey, look on the bright side â youâve got double the chance that many of us do!


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

Why on earth would your being bi change anyone's replies?! :facepalm:

I can only speak for myself when I say that you are part of our little band of misfits and that it matters not one iota. And honestly, you haven't been exactly mum about keeping it hidden.


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

WhyNot said:


> I'm bisexual. I'm not sure if that would change anyone's answers or not but it seemed like the right time to spring it on ya'll. LOL


What does this have to do with the price of rice?! You are one of us, a soul that gets hurt, dreams that get shattered and hope that is sought. 

To anyone that would change their well wishes because of your sexual orientation can suck rotten eggs.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I hope this accident didn't involve talking on the cell phone while pole dancing. That is dangerous.


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

It turned out well for all of them in the end. It will us--a *merry *band of misfits.

Of course, we just hafta find a red-nosed reindeer and hope no one shoots it for their freezer before it finds us. LOL
[youtube]5SH1j1luFOw[/youtube]

Hope I made ya laugh. LOL


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

vicker said:


> I hope this accident didn't involve talking on the cell phone while pole dancing. That is dangerous.


Ooohhh, now we know the rest of the story!


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## foxfiredidit (Apr 15, 2003)

This thread absolutely glows with positive karma for you Whynot. It is rare indeed, and a reflection on your character as well as on that of all who sent their well wishes and prayers. I want to join them in saying your philosophy of life is sound, there is wisdom in your words; your wounds will heal, and hopefully knowing you are cared about by many will speed the arrival of the better days ahead. 

All my best wishes and a prayer for you tonight.
fox.


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

Ice Cream helps both body & soul,,,,,I recommend Blue Bunny !!!!

When the craving for real food hits,,,,,
,,You can blend a Big Mac and drink it through a straw !!! :spinsmiley:
Remove the outer buns,,,add a little milk,,,,blend,,,,GREAT!!!
**Don't ask how I learned this**
Please get well soon,,,,,,


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Yes, yes, yes! I agree wholeheartedly. Thank you for stating what many of us feel so eloquently. It is horrible to be alone, but especially when something like that happens. I hope you heal up quickly. (((((((Hugs!)))))))


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## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

Hope your path to healing is quick and as painless as possible


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

((((((((WhyNot))))))))

Here's hoping your recovery is speedy and the results exceed your expectations! 

I have ambled through this thread, hitting the âlikeâ button left and right. I cannot improve on the many excellent things that were already said, so I will just simply say thank you for crystallizing some vital truths that so many are too blind (or stubborn) to see.


.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Darren said:


> You won't be alone the rest of your life. The teeth can be fixed. Nothing sexier than a woman with a sense of humor.


Trust me. As charming as some of you all think I am ... no one really sees it in real life. You have to be around me for me to come out, people don't stick around that long. I'm good on my own except for every once in a while....I also hate wearing shoes, so I understand the West Virginians 

Rae- Yes I already knew that  I know a lot, even what people think can't be seen sometimes 



Terri in WV said:


> Why on earth would your being bi change anyone's replies?! :facepalm:


I don't imagine it really would change anyone's replies of those who had or will reply. But it would change whether or not some do.  There's a reason I said it plainly, suddenly.



vicker said:


> I hope this accident didn't involve talking on the cell phone while pole dancing. That is dangerous.


Believe it or not, it did involve dancing...but not a pole nor a phone.

You did make me smile, Tommy...many of you have. Have to be careful though lol Stitches.

Most of you haven't met me. I've been told I use my entire body when I do things, probably why this accident did what it did. I use my entire body to smile when something is really worth smiling or laughing about. Imagine. My coworkers have been great for me this week...but too much smiling hurts. NOT complaining though.



foxfiredidit said:


> This thread absolutely glows with positive karma for you Whynot.


It does. I appreciate it very much as well. Actually I was stunned by it and then I read what I wrote a couple of times when I woke back up a little bit ago. I really didn't realize how depressing it is, what I wrote. Can't really take it back....I'm surprised at myself.

And since this is so much about me being out there....another secret I have is...times like right now...when I realize what I wrote and realize how it affects people...I feel bad for instigating people to feel bad for me. BAH!

I blame this on a mother that was brought up with too much religion and being too much of a Libra.

Thank you all for all of your words here and privately. I'm astounded...and I know I shouldn't be. I want you all to know that every single one of you have made a difference....truly.

Love you.

:gaptooth:


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

Or you could always blame it on the drugs...


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Terri in WV said:


> Or you could always blame it on the drugs...


I could. I certainly could.
For 20 minutes I have been seriously craving a boiled hot dog (not meant as a euphemism). I don't even eat hot dogs anymore but for whatever reason it's all I have been thinking about almost obsessively.

THAT I blame on the drugs. For sure. On to the jello....I found pineapple jello...no idea they made it...normally I do not eat jello either. I think I have eaten more jello this week than I have my entire life. And creamed potatoes. I'm part Irish and love potatoes...but...this is a bit ridiculous.

I cheated earlier and went against orders and melted some butter and cheese on my spuds. THAT WAS A REALLY BAD IDEA! If you ever find yourself on three pain meds and a strong muscle relaxer and antibiotics all at the same time, for love of all things wild and free do NOT eat any fat!!!!


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I'm glad I made could make you smile , but hopefully not too much. It sucks that you were, obviously, having a good time up to the point of your accident. Shucks! Don't let it make you not have fun again  If we ever dance, I promise not to dip you too hard 
ETA: 
The title of your thread reminds me that we have a town around here named Prosperity. I've seen the signs for it, and have often intended to go there to see what it is like, but I never have quite made it. It is on my to do list.


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

WhyNot said:


> If you ever find yourself on three pain meds and a strong muscle relaxer and antibiotics all at the same time, for love of all things wild and free do NOT eat any fat!!!!


Pain meds can be very constipating. That muscle relaxer and antibiotics are probably your friend right now. LOL


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## Guest (Feb 16, 2014)

I find that when I'm loaded up on opiates and booze, a half pound or so of dark chocolate takes care of that constipation thing. 
As for the bisexuality, I've heard there's no real advantage to going through life half cocked. 
But, to each his(or her) own.


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## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

I think that OP was great and well written, sorry you got hurt, been hurt myself. I am sensitive to the sexuality part, but that has to do with my ex wife coming out of the closet, nothing to do with you personally. Just figure a person should be honest about it.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

whiterock said:


> I think that OP was great and well written, sorry you got hurt, been hurt myself. I am sensitive to the sexuality part, but that has to do with my ex wife coming out of the closet, nothing to do with you personally. Just figure a person should be honest about it.


A person should be honest about it. For the record, however, I've never cheated on anyone or left someone for someone else. When I commit to something, I do. That's the end of it.

People somehow think that being bisexual means not being able to make a decision or that it means they don't want a one-on-one faithful commitment. I'm sure there are some bisexual people that are like that, just like there are heterosexual and homosexual (and whatever "sexual") people like that.

I'm not one of these people. 

Sorry you got your heart stomped on by someone that either didn't know themselves very well or who were in denial, Whiterock. Hopefully one day you will be in a place where you don't hold it against the next one, if ever that day should come.


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## NoClue (Jan 22, 2007)

WhyNot,

I'm really sorry to hear about your accident, pain, and vulnerability. Being reminded of one's mortality and isolation is never fun. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.


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## BlueRose (Mar 7, 2013)

Why Not everyone here have said the things I wish I could say. :grouphug::angel: Thank you


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

How are you feeling, WhyNot? Are things improving? I've thought about you often through the past week... more healing hugs coming your way!


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

post #1 just chilled my stuff.......speechless in fact......best thing you ever wrote in fact...maybe best thing ever written on this entire forum.

hope you feel better soon !!


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Hey. Of course I am doing better you guys!  Sillies. Every once in a while I am embarrassed by this thread of mine. It's like getting caught with your panties down by someone you aren't sure you ever wanted to be caught like that by 

Face is as cute as ever on the outside  The rest is healing. It was commented by my doctor, "I'm impressed it's only been a week since surgery, you are healing well and fast." My comment, "Well...I've got other things to do so...I don't have time for it." The look on his face was priceless but I've seen it before. It's the one doctor's give to flippant workaholics. :gaptooth:

My boys at work have been so kind keeping my spirit going joking, complimenting and taking jabs at each other. I had all my boys in the office the other day working on projects and one sort of got a bit fresh with his comments when I told him the solution for the computer he was fixing....so I got up and started to go over to the depot to show him and one says, "Oh dude...she's getting up, you think you haven't been in trouble because she couldn't talk for a couple of days. It's going down now, my money is on The Boss, I know better, she's going to roll over you man."

LMAO - Seriously this is really hilarious but it's out of context so not as funny for anyone else. To sum up, the "fresh" was mouthing off about how my solution couldn't be right. Most of them know, when I actually get up to show them, their views (technically their @55) are going to be handed to them.

I dearly love the "yes ma'am" that comes after that. In fact, the bookkeeper commented, "I just sit there and giggle, it's so nice to just be in the office and hear you say something inaudible and hear everyone just go, "Yes, ma'am" "Yes, ma'am." HAHA


A lot of things have changed for me. Can't dance yet, have some physical therapy for my shoulders to work out and more back stuff. Be kind to your back, those of you that still have it. I wasn't in my youth; started realizing the price about ten years ago and now...seems like any little thing...man it sucks.

Anyway. Started a yoga strengthening program now that I can move better. The last five years or so I've only just kept doing my physical therapy exercises for strengthening but am adding yoga and some qigong shortly...just ordered a qigong video. 

I have been refreshed also about the homestead. Not just from all the changes in your life that can happen in about 5 seconds and how their effects can be long lasting but also by Cindilu getting the officials on her own place.

It's nice to have a renewed spirit. :rock:

Again, thank you to everyone here and in private for their encouragement and thoughts.


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