# How to tell someone you do not want them to "stop by".



## New Mexican (Jul 12, 2004)

Friends want to stop by and we just don't want that. I'm not the best housekeeper (to say it lightly) and our real housekeeper has not been here for weeks. (Coming Monday)

We work all the time and do not invite people over because of that fact. So....how do you say NO??


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## AngieM2 (May 10, 2002)

do you have a nice porch? Let them only that far if they do arrive.

even my family does not drop by, we all call each other first to see if convenient.


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## Miss Kay (Mar 31, 2012)

Your friends are coming to see you, not your house. If they are offended by it's cleanlyness then they don't have to drop in again! Life is short and people are more important than your house. Give them a chance. You may just have a great time and see that it is not a big deal to them. There are friends that I would give anything to see again but they are gone now. This chance may never come your way again.


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## Minelson (Oct 16, 2007)

Fence and gate might help....


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## Queen Bee (Apr 7, 2004)

I think it is rude to go to someone's house without calling and asking if it is alright to drop by....

I understand how you feel. Why not just say something like " I wish you had called first, so I wouldn't feel uncomfortable about my house.." Maybe you could let them sit on the porch and not offer to let them in the house.... 

You need a sign that says. "My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.." 

When we first moved to our farm, we had a time with my husband's extended family dropping by in the evenings........ Well, dh has to get up at 3am and goes to bed by 7pm to watch tv and relax-- usually in the 'buff'.. The last thing he wants to do is to entertain someone! Sure- once in a while is nice but not 4-5 days a week... I started to ask them to come in but that dh was in the bed.. after a while they got the message.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

i dont blame you one bit. if you dont want them there dont have them. it's your castle and life is too short. i'm having to do the same thing with my friend. most days i am beat to a snot by the end of it and she does nothing but lay in bed most of the day and wants to talk about how depressed she is with me at night when all i want is peace and quiet. ~Georgia.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

i've got that same sign in my foyer except it wasn't clean yesterday either. ~Georgia.


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## HeelSpur (May 7, 2011)

Thats easy, tell em not to stop in.

I had a friend stop by unannounced while I was watching my 
football game, I ask him to leave cause I like watching it 
by myself. He didn't like it but he got over it.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

You, "John, I'd really appreciate it if you'd call before stopping by."

Sometimes you just have to say it like it is. They're your friends. Tell them what you told us. The only other option I can see is to not worry about the cleanliness of your house. Your friends want to see you and it seems they care more about you than the state of your home.


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## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

Miss Kay said:


> Your friends are coming to see you, not your house. If they are offended by it's cleanlyness then they don't have to drop in again! Life is short and people are more important than your house. Give them a chance. You may just have a great time and see that it is not a big deal to them. *There are friends that I would give anything to see again but they are gone now. This chance may never come your way again*.


Yes.



Joshie said:


> You, "John, I'd really appreciate it if you'd call before stopping by."
> 
> Sometimes you just have to say it like it is. They're your friends. Tell them what you told us. The only other option I can see is to not worry about the cleanliness of your house. *Your friends want to see you and it seems they care more about you than the state of your home.*


Another Yes.

I was also uncomfortable about my home; it was in the "rehab" stage for over 25 years because the EX-H was a lazy bum. I now regret not having company for all of those years. A true friend wants your company; the surroundings they won't judge. Casual acquaintances? Just say you have other plans that night, that week, that month, that year...


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## chewie (Jun 9, 2008)

depends on the visitor. my good riding friend, eh, we've seen each other's houses when they looked like cps should take our kids away, and super tidied up too. we don't mind cuz neither of us stopped to see the other's housekeeping skills. we know each other's crazy days, so eh.

now, his relatives is another story. and they don't stop for a visit, its an eternity!! and if his mother catches it messy, she makes some 'jokes' about it. and I'd guartantee she also is mroe than happy to run around gossiping about it to all who'll listen. 

also several other neighbors I do not appreciate do drop in's.

and my hubs is a drop-in type! he does it allll the time to ppl, and I hate it! I quit going with him when he does that, I can't stop him but I dont' want to be in on it, either! 

honestly, if I do get someone showing up when I just really ain't in the mood, I just don't answer the door. or I answer and only talk thru the door, if its for dh, and take the message.

I do not blame you one bit!! just don't answer, or tell them "oh, you caught me just as I was ...(leaving, taking a shower, having supper...)" or, put them to work! THAT will stop lots of it! "oh, I'm so glad you stopped, I really could use a hand shoveling poo!" all you'll see is their dust!


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## julieq (Oct 12, 2008)

If you really don't want them to visit, then you're going to have to tell them honestly. However, I do agree with the above posters that friendship is much more important than a clean house.


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## luvrulz (Feb 3, 2005)

Miss Kay said:


> Your friends are coming to see you, not your house. If they are offended by it's cleanlyness then they don't have to drop in again! Life is short and people are more important than your house. Give them a chance. You may just have a great time and see that it is not a big deal to them. There are friends that I would give anything to see again but they are gone now. This chance may never come your way again.


Ditto from me, another not so clean housekeeper. I clean on Monday - if you come over on Sunday, there is no telling how dirty or dusty my house may be. You can set on the porch, but frankly, if you're coming to check out my house - you're in for a surprise!

Tell them that you are not feeling well and don't feel like entertaining. But then don't pout cause no one ever comes to visit....


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## big rockpile (Feb 24, 2003)

Miss Kay said:


> Your friends are coming to see you, not your house. If they are offended by it's cleanlyness then they don't have to drop in again! Life is short and people are more important than your house. Give them a chance. You may just have a great time and see that it is not a big deal to them. There are friends that I would give anything to see again but they are gone now. This chance may never come your way again.


Yelp get the Dogs off the Couch,Come on in have a seat,Can I get you so Tea or Water.Have nice visit.They come back so be it,they don't,don't worry they aren't your people.

I had neighbors that had the habit just walking in,I worked odd hours and slep the same.I put a Sign on the Door,Do Not Disturb,they came in while I was walking in the Front room Naked.I asked can't you read? Nope 

Then another time the wife came in,it was almost dark,she came into my Bedroom to use the Phone,I was half asleep,grabbed her,pulled her into Bed,she couldn't get out fast enough :grin: Never had that happen again.

big rockpile


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## ufo_chris (Apr 30, 2010)

You have a Housekeeper??? I want one!!!

Why don't you just tell them to visit next week ,after the Housekeeper has been there.
Or if you don't want them to visit at all tell them like you said you work all the time and are worn out and never feel like company....


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## beaglebiz (Aug 5, 2008)

sometimes for me, its just the size of our house and whatever is going on right now. Our home is small. 5 people and two dogs live in it. I have no office, mudroom, garage etc. I work full time (as does DH, sometimes way more than FT). I declutter constantly...but, for instance, for two weeks, I had three trunks taking up most of the living room, while I organized everyone for summer camp (plus the appropriate piles of stuff to add to the trunks, and lists). You literally had to walk around them in the living room. Come to my kitchen...cucumbers, zucchini, clean jars and funnels on counters, stacks of boxes of canning jars and equipment in the corner...seems like if we had more space it wouldnt look so cluttered. Then I think about the upside...cheap to heat, cheap to cool...I do keep the front porch extra pretty, with pots of flowers, rocking chairs, throw rugs and nice side tables to hold your drink. DH made me a beautiful carved porch swing for Christmas one year. The porch is a nice refuge for me as well as a casual place for drop-by-ers.
Best part of all...the house is all ours


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## butternutgrove (Nov 18, 2009)

There are eight of us here and let's just say although the house is clean it is cluttered most of the time. I tell my friends if they are coming by to visit me to please come any time. If they are coming to critique my housekeeping skills to please call first. Works for me!


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## tinknal (May 21, 2004)

"I'm so glad you stopped by! I was about to clean pens, I have extra pitchforks and barn boots!"


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## julieq (Oct 12, 2008)

tinknal said:


> "I'm so glad you stopped by! I was about to clean pens, I have extra pitchforks and barn boots!"


That's where they would have found us this morning! Except I had flip flops on instead of barn boots as it was already too hot to be shoveling out pens.

Back when DH was still in medicine we had a huge, beautiful home and a full time housekeeper. I insisted on polished floors, no dust anywhere and that beds were always made. 6100 sq foot, totally spit shined!

We also had a 150 acre ranch and a much smaller home (with a lot of livestock and accompanying filth). I found over time that people seemed much more at ease with the ranch home! 

Now we have one small home and no housekeeper. It's tracked up with mud and snow in the winter and in the summer we're out tending the garden and the goat herd. Any questions? We have very wealthy customers through here all the time at the last minute for our small business and they don't seem to give a carp how it looks.


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## NickieL (Jun 15, 2007)

I live in a trailer that needs a floor and remodeling bad. If I worried so much about what others thought about the state of my home, I would never have friends. They don't visit to judge my house. They visit for me and DH. I am no Martha Stewart and don't pretend otherwise.


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## Evons hubby (Oct 3, 2005)

I always was just honest with folks back when I was busy all the time. "Wish you could come by some time when I am not so busy, but today just isnt it" then turn and go back to whatever I was doing. These days I can use an extra hand every chance I get so it goes a bit more like "HI, I am so glad to see you! I need a hand with this... and proceed to get them involved with my project.


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## Southpaw (Jan 2, 2003)

i agree with chewie...and dh loves to just drop in on ppl which i think is rude. my big old farm house never looks clean to me. dh says i'm a perfectionist but i think i am just normal. lol....we'll never agree. i have, over the years, mentioned often that i do not care for drop in company and ppl get it. dh has a friend who drops in from time to time but otherwise, no drop in company now.


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## belladulcinea (Jun 21, 2006)

They evidently aren't "dropping by" if they called you and if they are really friends I'd let them come. I'm not the best housekeeper either but my friends know that and come to see me. Perhaps they aren't really friends but aquaintances?


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## JuliaAnn (Dec 7, 2004)

DH has a friend who's ok when by himself. Drinks a lil' too much, smokes like a freight train and then has to go home and use his breathing machine because he has COPD, and I swear must be half deaf based on the volume of his voice. But, he's ok when by himself. BUT, the past several months, he has taken to calling us when they are right down the road, on the way over, with wife (who must be equally as hearing impaired based on the way she bellows) and children (children are fairly well behaved and pleasant) and usually a dog or two (who love to try to attack our dogs) in tow. AND they are bringing a sack of chicken or a rack of ribs or a big pack of hamburger they got from the church food pantry (which they need to keep for themselves and not bring over here) so we can HAVE A COOKOUT!! HOORAY!! Isn't it WONDERFUL!!! 

Grrrr....

Sorry to be such a grinch, but the way DH works these days, we usually have something planned for the weekend, or we plan nothing at all so we can all get caught up on chores, projects and simply resting and having a quiet time. Even our kids like having the occasional quiet weekend. But when they call and are 1/2 mile away (they live about 40 miles away) DH just sighs and I feel like I have to start cooking stuff to go with whatever they bring to grill.

And then they stay, and stay, and stay.... and often don't leave until it's 1 a.m. and their kids are conked out on the porch or in their pickup.

Grrrr.... I told dh the next time they do that, either don't answer the phone or tell them we are about to leave to go somewhere.


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## salmonslayer (Jan 4, 2009)

We have friends drop by all the time and vice versa. No big deal and if they dont like the house keeping no one has ever said anything. Most of the time We will be working on a project or out in the shop tinkering and we enjoy the company. Most of our good friends dont even think anything over just going in the fridge for a cold one.

I grew up in a restricted household where kids werent allowed in the living room and we had plastic slip covers on the furniture...in my house you dont have to take your shoes off, just wipe em a bit and come on in.


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## New Mexican (Jul 12, 2004)

What I said was "I don't want to embarrass (DH) and our housekeeper has not been here in three weeks".

But I also thought this one for next time, "We really are not set up for visitors". and leave it at that.


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## Wendy (May 10, 2002)

I don't mind company. I never stop what I am doing though. If they want to visit & I am busy, I will work while we visit. I too miss many of the people that are gone now that used to just drop by.


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## kasilofhome (Feb 10, 2005)

Grab your car keys and answer the door with a puzzled face and say

"I can't believe I forgot you were coming when I made the appointment"


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## Miss Kay (Mar 31, 2012)

We love having people over and since we moved so far from our old friends we have the guest room ready for them to stay several days when they do drive down. I know people who never seem to want to "be bothered" and in time folks stop calling. They grow old and alone. I hope that never happens to us. My life is made fuller by the people in it. It makes the good times better and the hard times a lot easier when you share it with friends. But I do understand, to each his own!


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## whodunit (Mar 29, 2004)

I try to go out of my way for friends. Sometimes they need someone to talk to even if it's not really apparent. How awful would you feel if they stopped by, you brushed them off and then found out their child was seriously ill or they were having marriage issues or whatever? Sounds dramatic, but it could happen.

I'll be honest, I am offended when I reach out to a friend or family member and get brushed off. It actually happened just last night via "chat". I saw my mother was online and said hello. I got back "Our game show is starting; this is dad". I responded, "Okay" and he said, "Talk later". I was disappointed that a talk show took precedence over me.

I'm a big boy and will get over it, but I try not to do that kind of thing to people.

I think at the very least you owe a friend a brief explanation if you have to break off a visit so they don't assume the worst. Something like, "Hey I'm not trying to be rude, but I have something going I need to take care of. Can I call you later?" They might still be bugged but at least you tried to communicate they are important to you.


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## SoINgirl (Aug 3, 2007)

I am surprised by the amount of people that don't want anyone to visit them. How do they find out where you live to begin with if you don't want anyone there? Keep shooing and putting them off and after awhile they will get the hint and go their own ways and you won't have to worry about ever seeing them again. I'm really not trying to sound snotty but if they were really friends you would want to see them and they would want to see you. We are really busy too and people don't come over very often (I wish they would come over more) and they usually don't call (which is fine) but just because they come over doesn't mean that we have to stop what we are doing. We can still visit and chat with each other when the animals are being cared for, clothes getting folded, dishes getting done or what ever. If they are more concerned about what your house looks like then they are not real friends anyway. If you don't want anyone around just tell them or tell them they need to make an appointment. Me I'm happy to see my friends any chance I get.


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## MJsLady (Aug 16, 2006)

If you do not want company just say so.

In our family it is well known we do not answer our door unless we are expecting you. Not just me but the rest of my in laws are like that with the exception of my fil.


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## KentuckyDreamer (Jan 20, 2012)

I will never forget the following incident;

I was mid twenties, married, no children, and a perfectionist. Then, my first son entered my life. My sister - in - law came by ( a VERY rare occurance ) and commented on how my home now felt comfortable. Without knowing it she gave me one of the best gifts ever, freedom.


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## grandma12703 (Jan 13, 2011)

We work a lot as well and then have an hour commute home so usually that means we leave at 5:45 am and get home around 6:30 pm. We are tired to say the least and have chores, dinner, etc. to get done so about 9 pm we start to get ready to relax for bed. Weekends we sleep in 7am or so and work all day doing the things we didn't have time to do during the week. Sundays we go to church at 9am(we teach Sunday school) and then eat lunch out and then home around 2pm. This should be our day to relax but we usually have to prepare things for next week. It isn't that we don't have time for company but we are usually not much fun because we are exhausted. If we feel good we try to go our Sat. evening to something going on in one of the surrounding communities and really enjoy visiting but as for showing up at my house.....not so much fun


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## thequeensblessing (Mar 30, 2003)

Hubby works an hour away, in the city, Monday thru Friday. I work at the farm and babysit my grandson those same hours/days as my son and DIL both work in the same city as DH. I have a small business that I work at home, making jams and jellies that I sell to various resorts in the area and online. We're busy all the time! But we also have several groups/families of friends who "just drop in" on us, and we do the same to them. Sometimes they give us 15 minutes notice, but more often than not, they just show up. My house isn't always perfect, but I always open the door and invite them in. I always have some sweet treat and drink to offer them. But these are like-minded friends who don't expect me to sit and entertain them when they just drop in. Instead, they ask if they can help with whatever project we're working on, and we do the same when we go to their places. It's a good relationship where the people are what are important, not so much the surroundings. I'm not a slob, but I like my house neat and tidy, and sometimes feel irritated that I don't have it in the order I want it to be in. But I'm not irritated with my friends....I'm more irritated with me.


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## pheasantplucker (Feb 20, 2007)

"Please quit coming by."


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

Do you want these friends. You you like them? Are there other reasons you do not want them to stop by?

If you would enjoy there company, how about saying "It would be better this time if we could meet somewhere for breakfast or lunch." You can suggest a place.

Congratulations on having friends...and work.


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## grandma12703 (Jan 13, 2011)

KentuckyDreamer said:


> I will never forget the following incident;
> 
> I was mid twenties, married, no children, and a perfectionist. Then, my first son entered my life. My sister - in - law came by ( a VERY rare occurance ) and commented on how my home now felt comfortable. Without knowing it she gave me one of the best gifts ever, freedom.


That is awesome and congratulations on having family that looks at things that way. My inlaws came by once and said they wouldn't come back again because it was not very clean. LOL I am not a perfectionist but it was picked up just not spotless like my MIL kept hers (she never worked outside the home). I too had just had my second child 11 months after the first and was worn out. I think this is why I just prefer meeting folks other places unless I plan a get together which I do occassionally and then I am ready and excited to have the company.


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## salmonslayer (Jan 4, 2009)

I have always noticed that lots of people on this board just dont feel comfortable around people and there are consistently large numbers of posters that post they hated school and felt isolated (particularly HS), some have a hard time being accepted in their communities, some are lonely, lots have no trespassing signs all over and answer the door with a gun etc. This isnt a criticism, just an observation that I think folks who arent social creatures tend to migrate to a homesteading lifestyle perhaps in greater numbers.

The Mrs and I have always been gregarious and for me I can almost always find friends pretty quickly and I still correspond with friends from HS including the GF I had all through HS. WE are mostly homebodies but we enjoy interacting with people and have a constant stream of friends from all over the world who stop by and spend a night or two on their journeys...and they get our true selves good, bad or indifferent and I cant even imagine getting concerned over what they think of our home or lifestyle.

We even let the ex-wife and her husband have use of a vehicle when they are in the area so they dont have to rent and when I was getting ready to go to OIF the last time the ex-wife let me use her pickup while I was training since she lived so close to the base. To us, life is way to short to get wrapped around the axle over stressing on unexpected visitors and I would sure rather have people want to stop by than not.

Its just interesting that you cant put homesteaders into one particular category; we chose to reject a lot of what passes for civilization now days but not social interaction.


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## jlxian (Feb 14, 2005)

Tell them it is not convenient, but you would be glad to meet them somewhere for a meal or coffee. I have done this.


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## Wendy (May 10, 2002)

I do not mean this in a bad way, but I am so glad I am not so overworked that I can't take time to visit with a friend. I think it is sad that so many people kill themselves working & miss out on things they should be enjoying. Like good friends.


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## grandma12703 (Jan 13, 2011)

Wendy said:


> I do not mean this in a bad way, but I am so glad I am not so overworked that I can't take time to visit with a friend. I think it is sad that so many people kill themselves working & miss out on things they should be enjoying. Like good friends.


Agreed! Hopefully it changes soon.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Now, when I visit someone, I couldn't care less what their house looks like. Who am I to judge!

If someone drops by here and they don't like what my home looks like, well, they can kiss my grits!


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## Linkovich (Apr 17, 2009)

I'm a bit torn. I feel uncomfortable stopping by people's homes, but sometimes I would love it if people would stop by mine! 

I do however have some friends on a farm that I feel free to stop by whenever I am in the area. If they are super busy, I put on a pair of coveralls and pitch in! (I used to work for them, so I know their procedures)


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

Linkovich said:


> I'm a bit torn. I feel uncomfortable stopping by people's homes, but sometimes I would love it if people would stop by mine!
> 
> I do however have some friends on a farm that I feel free to stop by whenever I am in the area. If they are super busy, I put on a pair of coveralls and pitch in! (I used to work for them, so I know their procedures)


We would love to come see you, if you would just stay put. 

...refering to your location.


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## NorthCountryWd (Oct 17, 2008)

Ardie/WI said:


> Now, when I visit someone, I couldn't care less what their house looks like. Who am I to judge!
> 
> If someone drops by here and they don't like what my home looks like, well, they can kiss my grits!


Agree!

A little dirt isn't going to kill your guests and if they don't like it....then they're not really good friends. 

To the OP- The best friends are those that you won't mind seeing your mess.


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## cwgrl23 (Feb 19, 2004)

I too live in a smaller house with too many people in it. It is always cluttered. We live by this motto and all my friends know it!

"If you come to see me, you are welcome any time! If you come to see my house, you better make an appointment!!!" 

Nobody has minded about my house cause they keep coming over! I also put them to work. If I am working and there is something you can do to help me, I am going to ask you to help! That is the price of "dropping by."

That still hasn't slowed any of them down either. LOL

Carrie in SD


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## farmergirl (Aug 2, 2005)

I love visitors. My friends know they are welcome always. Can't promise my house will be dust or dog-hair free when they stop by, but I am happy just to see my buddies. We live in the sticks, so friends that live in the city don't have time to visit as much as we both would like. When they do manage to find the time, I find it, too.

And just a note about having the house presentable: I am finally getting around to fixing the front siding on our house that has looked like h-e-double-hockey-sticks for the past year at least. The siding was dry rotted and literally falling apart. It was a constant source of frustration for me that I didn't have time to fix it. I mentioned to a friend who stopped by last week that I was so happy to finally be getting around to the fixing the siding. Turns out, nobody but me had even noticed what a mess it was. Boy did that open my eyes!


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## suzfromWi (Jun 1, 2002)

If they are annoying people, and not friends, just say sorry were busy, but....If you just dont want anyone over, if you want to stay unto yourselves and your work, thats so sad...We all need a human connection so that we dont forget to be HUMAN. So we can be good to others as God wants. I wish we had more friends over. Id welcome that, clean house or not, work or not...


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## Cliff (Jun 30, 2007)

Some people get all the human contact they can stand at work and need alone time to recoup


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## Karen (Apr 17, 2002)

thequeensblessing said:


> Hubby works an hour away, in the city, Monday thru Friday. I work at the farm and babysit my grandson those same hours/days as my son and DIL both work in the same city as DH. I have a small business that I work at home, making jams and jellies that I sell to various resorts in the area and online. We're busy all the time! But we also have several groups/families of friends who "just drop in" on us, and we do the same to them. Sometimes they give us 15 minutes notice, but more often than not, they just show up. My house isn't always perfect, but I always open the door and invite them in. I always have some sweet treat and drink to offer them. But these are like-minded friends who don't expect me to sit and entertain them when they just drop in. Instead, they ask if they can help with whatever project we're working on, and we do the same when we go to their places. It's a good relationship where the people are what are important, not so much the surroundings. I'm not a slob, but I like my house neat and tidy, and sometimes feel irritated that I don't have it in the order I want it to be in. But I'm not irritated with my friends....I'm more irritated with me.


That's called having the _gift of hospitality_ and bless you for having it yet today! Something people need more of nowadays in IMHO and, as keepers of the home, Biblically one of our biggest callings. 

I grew up where people always just popped in. In fact, people would pop in at supper time and bring what they were having for supper and put it with what you were having for supper and it was a feast! Later everyone would play cards -- Pinochle or Canasta. 

Friends and friendships are MUCH more important than any 'busy' work or how your house looks. 

It's why today, although people may be there for you in a crisis, they don't stick around very long when they feel 'times up' and you should be doing okay now. When you spend the time and energy in friendships, you know the person and hold lasting connections for however long it takes to get them through.


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## Usingmyrights (Jan 10, 2011)

Good luck. The former MIL used to do that and never seemed to get it. Talked to FIL to see if he could talk some since into her. She finally started calling first, which to her meant that she was already parked in the driveway. If people wanna just drop by, they usually do.


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## grandma12703 (Jan 13, 2011)

Usingmyrights said:


> Good luck. The former MIL used to do that and never seemed to get it. Talked to FIL to see if he could talk some since into her. She finally started calling first, which to her meant that she was already parked in the driveway. If people wanna just drop by, they usually do.


I'm sorry but that just made me laugh.


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## Kazahleenah (Nov 3, 2004)

New Mexican said:


> Friends want to stop by and we just don't want that. I'm not the best housekeeper (to say it lightly) and our real housekeeper has not been here for weeks. (Coming Monday)
> 
> We work all the time and do not invite people over because of that fact. So....how do you say NO??


Do like I do when unwelcome company shows up... I answer the door, smile, hand them a hoe and hit the garden, cheerfully explaining that I am so busy we'll have to chit-chat while I work...... THAT usually slows em down from comming so often.


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## Pam6 (Apr 9, 2009)

I totally understand where you are coming from...only I don't have a cleaning lady. I have 6 kids and I am not the most organized person on the planet. Now it is canning season so I have canning jars and pots and garden veggies and more on top of our usual clutter. I don't have a basement, attic, or any other storage space so what you see is what we got! And I am in the process of remodeling part of the kitchen so it is completely torn apart! Plus I have moved the fridge to the opposite side of the kitchen so I could put a second stove in next to my first stove. 

I was at a meeting and one gentlemen kept asking for clarification on where I live then he asked "Do you mind if I stop by?" I was very direct and said "Yes, I do mind! I don't like people coming to my house." I think he was a little taken back at first but then he was like "okay". I have seen pictures of his house on FB. His house is SPOTLESS, even the yard, he retired young and does not have any children. Do I think he would judge me by what my house looks like? No, I don't. I think he genuinely likes to hang out and chat but I just don't like people in MY space. I like feeling like I can be relaxed in my home and not having to always worry that someone is just going to drop in. 

So I would just be straight up with the person and tell them that you would not appreciate visits and if they would like to set a time and date that you can get together at another location that you would enjoy doing that.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Back when DH and I both worked and were putting in many overtime hours, we had to stop our open door policy. There were entire weeks I was out of state on business trips, so you wouldn't see me anyway. DH worked a tough job and with his personal health problems he had to get all the rest he could to continue working, so he was always in bed by 8 every night. But we still managed to keep our friends. They were all understanding and in the same boat as us anyways because of living similar lives as us. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you can be honest with your friends. They'll still be your friends. If not, then they probably weren't the friends you thought they were.


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