# Do I have a problem in the making?



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

The church I go to is SMALL. Its held in a former RR depot closed since 1930. We had been without a preacher for round a year and was contemplating closing when we got a one.
Said preacher came with a rather large family of around 6 kids. Not all his. His oldest DD has been in the usual trouble kids get into, and has just recently been free to (see the light). I thought she was around 30 cause shes great looking. Her dad tho a couple weeks ago said she was 40. She either has no kids, OR her dad has taken them from her. No mention of her being/been married.
ANYWAY, 2 weeks ago, as we were leaving, I was in front of her walking out to our cars, and she tapped me on the back and said good bye. I said good bye also and left. I got to thinking about it later. Other than my immediate family, and shaking hands with a few women at church, I have NOT been touched by a woman since 91. I figured I was putting too much thought into it and forgot about it.
Last Wed, she, for the first time, came over and shook my hand when they all arrived. I SELDOM get up to shake hands, since I try to discourage the practice so as to not come down with a sickness someone may be coughing into their hands. A couple of the men will shake my hand when they come in, and likewise, a couple of women will do that also. They are all in there 60s. And, except for one woman, married. 
SO, in my vanity, Im slightly thinking that she may be laying the groundwork for whatever happens, happens. Shes a good guitarist, and singer, Says she likes canning and gardening, and other than her other former bad habits, hopefully, shed make a great catch. Id like to sing/harmonize hymns and other songs with her, but ill never try that without her dad being between us while singing.
Problem is 
#1 Her age. Im 26yrs older. We had a couple in our church. He was in his 80s, and she was in her 60s. She got around fine, and operates a antique shop today. He could barely get around. I wouldn't want to put a woman through that,
#2 Im hoping to move around 80 miles, more/less from here. I wouldn't want to put a woman through the trials im currently experiencing, her having to travel 80 some miles to visit her folks.
Ive couched this in words hopeing not to offend anybody, especially the censors. Any thoughts.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

My thoughts, my friend we are not getting any younger.

She's an adult don't make choices for her, maybe she wouldn't mind the drive. Or any of the other things you are trying to sabotage this with!!

Cans, garden, sings well, plays guitar well, and you would like to sing with her. Just sing my friend, just sing....:goodjob:

She already knows what her intentions are, your just not sure yet!

Let it develop naturally, your obviously interested in her as you know a lot about her. That's way cool!!

Did you read you post back to yourself? 'cause you post had a totally different tone than you usually have. Very good for you Bill! I'm happy she sparked your interest!!! 

Personally i would accept her soft invitation and explore the possibility of dinner with her at a decent restaurant, so you can talk frankly and causally. Don't wait and talk yourself out of this.

I have recently started taking a much more proactive part in my social life and I have to say I am making lots more friends. Been offered numbers and the biggest thing is I am FOLLOWING through, not just thinking about it!!

FOLLOW through Bill, just FOLLOW through. Either way you will have a life experience that you would not have had if you don't act. 

Just do it..... Hope things go your way sir!!!


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

"*Do I have a problem in the making?"*

Nope,,,You've had a problem for a long time now.......:happy2:

Oops,,,Sorry,,,,couldn't resist,,,,,,,,he,,hehe.....


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## Guest (Jan 10, 2014)

Good grief..the woman is FORTY and you say you'd not sing with her without her dad standing in between you???????????????? She's 40..thats two score..four decades old..20 shy of 60 ...LOL..c'mon Bill..you're doing an awful lot of prejudging, what-ifing here..is the 40 year old woman going to be allowed to know her own mind..make her own choices?? 

SING !! Harmonize..SMILE..enjoy yourself...take her out for brunch/lunch/dinner/coffee...without her father...sheesh.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Maybe, just maybe, you have something nice in the making.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

She may or may not be getting ready to make some moves, or maybe she's just a woman who likes to touch. So far, she appears to see you as someone she can be friendly with.

So, talk to her! Ask which songs are her favorite, which she likes to sing best. Talk about food you like, or movies and find out what she likes. Ask if she'd like to go have some fries or a burger some time.

You've got a ways to go before being 80 miles from her parents will be POSSIBLY a problem.

Mon


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

THEE PROBLEM IS, AND I thought you would see it from my MANY other posts,

I DONT WANT TO GET INVOLVED WITH A WOMAN AGAIN. I hate cafes, and eating out. I HATE thinking of what to say on a date. I HATE trying to be different than I normally am. I HATE feeling uneasy. Ive gotten past where I could feel good about a future with someone, BUT I sure enjoy the contentment of the present with NOBODY.

Sides, Im not letting anybody know that im looking for another place far away from here. Shell think im here for eternity, and think that I live in a junky house.
I don't want to let it out im moving cause the countrys full of theves, and IF I wernt here on a regular basis, Id be picked clean of a lot of valuable antiques. Ill let them know when ive got everything moved. They likely will know it when I sell the house.
DIMS, Ive had several LIFE experiences. ALL BAD. 3 marriages, Viet Nam, losing my kids, paying CS for 25yrs, just to name a few. U say MAYBE she wouldn't mind the drive. Course, till she has to do it, and id have to be with her, she wouldn't know if she would like it or not. Don't want her to say she wouldn't mind, and find out later she would. Ive found women quick to agree to ANY solution to a difficulty in order to snag the guy there looking to hook. I suppose guys are likely that way too,

Lesley, The singing has to do with her THINKING ID LIKE singing with her, AND that Id like to take it further. Its a lead on


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Yes Mamy, But im bound and determend to move there, so ill get it done. Ive got to move in a few more years anyway.


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## viggie (Jul 17, 2009)

I think it'd be good for you to make a new friend, but I agree those are real issues blocking anything more.


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## wr (Aug 10, 2003)

It's a huge leap from a tap on the shoulder and a handshake to serious intentions and I'm not sure why you get in such a hurry to put up barriers and come up with what ifs. There are some really nice people in the world and if you'd quit thinking half of them are evil, you stand a good chance and finding happiness. 

The one what if you always seem to miss is, 'what if she's a really nice lady and you could maybe gain a friend with common interests and if it goes further, good for you but if you gain a friend, that's not so awful either.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

Bill, I think you are just way over thinking things!

Just be nice and talk to her. It may go somewhere and it may not, but I can almost guarantee that she's not going to give you cooties.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Ditto on wr's post Bill. Don't read too much into it, yet. Let things progress in a laid back way. I know it's easy to start with the what if's, but what if you're wrong. If you assume her intentions are amorous and they're not, or not yet, you could be messing it up by not letting her take her time. *Be honest and be you.* If anything comes from this, it'll be because of that. 

And if it does? :goodjob:


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

YES I agree, Ive always over thunk things when it comes to girls/women. THATS WHY I put it in here, to get a guage of whats possibly going on from people who have been (in the groove) much nearer to now than I have.

I think you have iot sustain. Ill just be me. That oughta do it LOL.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I sure agree with you Viggie


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

Just relax and see what happens. She may be looking for a friend, or a relationship, but don't screw up a friendship trying to force a relationship.

Have Fun!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Hi JL. Im trying to NOT have/start a relationship.

By the by, Im going to order a autoharp off of E Bay tonight. She and her dad play the guitar. She plays my guitar. Her mom plays the pianner way better than me, even with arthritis. So, I figure the AH will be a good companion piece to play while singing with them. I used to have one, but I cant figure out where it could be now.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

JohnnyLee said:


> Just relax and see what happens. She may be looking for a friend, or a relationship, but don't screw up a friendship trying to force a relationship.
> 
> Have Fun!


You are wise, grasshopper!

Mon


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

At the very least, it seems you might have a good friendship in the making. If it comes to something more, so be it, and be happy!


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

You really should get out more! If a few handshakes and a smile or three gets you thinking like this, just think if she would wink at you!

Quit overthinking this. For all you know, she is a lesbian and just wants to know you as a friend!


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## simi-steading (Sep 27, 2012)

Let's take the thinking to the extreme (OK.. a different extreme since we're already at one.. )

Shes a black widow and looking for her next victim.


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## RonM (Jan 6, 2008)

See if she would like to join you for lunch after church........


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## Paumon (Jul 12, 2007)

FarmboyBill said:


> preacher came with a rather large family of around *6 kids. Not all his*. ... DD has been in the *usual trouble kids get into*, and has *just recently been free* to (see the light). .... dad said she was *40*. She either has no kids, *OR her dad has taken them from her. .*.. she tapped me on the back and said good bye. ... she shook my hand when they all arrived. .... *former bad habits*, .... Id like to sing/harmonize hymns and other songs with her, but ill never try that *without her dad being between us* while singing.
> .


*"Do I have a problem in the making?" *

Yes, you certainly do. You are making a problem and putting the cart 80 miles ahead of the horse. It was just a friendly tap on the back to get your attention to say goodbye and a friendly handshake to say hello upon arrival. Nothing to it and definitely not enough to be getting your hopes up.

The stuff I bolded in the above quote are things you should maybe be more concerned about and focusing on instead of the touching. They are all BIG red flags to me.

Why is a 40 year old woman still living with her daddy? If they aren't all his kids then whose are they and how many of them are not his? If some of them are her kids then why would her dad take them away from her? What are the troubles and former bad habits she's had since she's been a kid that she's only just recently at age *40* !!! seen the light of?

Maybe you need to forget about the tap on the back and the handshake and concentrate instead on finding out the truth behind all these other glaringly mysterious and dubious circumstances before you start dreaming of any kind of future contingencies with this stranger.

Your last comment about not making music with her unless her dad is in between you is just plain weird. Is her dad some kind of control freak who exercises complete control over his 40 y.o. daughter? Is she looking for a rescuer to help her to escape from his control?

Not enough information Bill and too many questions about a dubious situation.


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

Bill, why you thinking up trouble, when absolutely nothing has happened, and may or may not happen?
You worried about living 80 miles away, for why? 
She might just be practicing 'fellowship'.
Just be open to friendship. Shoot, she might just be helping out her dad.
She's 40 years old? Needs a chaperone?
Has kids? Her dad took them?
You looking to be her new parent? 
You've been lonely for too long.
Why not just let whatever happen--- or not happen, whichever comes along.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Run, Bill, RUN!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I agree Chuck. Im trying to keep her at arms distance, in my mind.


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## starjj (May 2, 2005)

Good Lord! If you thought a handshake or a touch was someone's idea of a seduction then yes you have a problem. You need to quit thinking every woman has "motives".

The "problem" to me is why would a 40 year old woman still being living with her daddy. If your looking to raise another child of your own go for it or maybe just quit over thinking every little thing.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

What I am taking away from this thread is I need to be *really* careful I don't carelessly pat a single man on the back....Jeez! He might think I want to marry him!


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## Brighton (Apr 14, 2013)

Did you ever think she was just trying to be nice? She is a Pastor's daughter and regardless of her age has obligations within the church. 

Or maybe she feels sorry for you, doesn't see you visiting much with other folks at church and is trying reach out to you and help you make a friend or two??

And everything in the world is not sexual nor does it mean she wants to marry you!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

JJ Because of bad choices, she didn't have a house to live in other than the one provided for her. Leaving that place, she had no house to go to, so she is living with her dad and mom


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Brighton, have you never heard about preachers daughters??

AGAIN I SAY< Because ive been away from what is considered sexual and what is considered just friendly. that's WHY I POSTED IN HERE, SO U, WHO HAVE WAY MORE EXPERIENCES COULD CLUE ME IN.


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## Guest (Jan 11, 2014)

Since she's seen the light she feels like being nice to the elderly .


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## Guest (Jan 11, 2014)

Terri in WV said:


> Bill, I think you are just way over thinking things!
> 
> Just be nice and talk to her. It may go somewhere and it may not, but I can almost guarantee that she's not going to give you cooties.


Especially with her dad sitting between you .


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Bill, all the teasing is good-natured, you know! We'd like to see you happy. That said, don't rush forward, and don't stumble, rushing backwards!


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## Guest (Jan 11, 2014)

I bet you feel like squirming and giggling whenever you see her, huh? Tell her, just like that. It's that easy. Either she'll tell you she feels the same, she'll think its a compliment but not interested, or she'll tell you "no way" Either way, you'll know. Directness is the only way, if you're dealing with a person who don't like directness, you're dealing with the wrong person anyway. My bet is the middle response.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

starjj said:


> Good Lord! If you thought a handshake or a touch was someone's idea of a seduction then yes you have a problem. You need to quit thinking every woman has "motives".
> 
> The "problem" to me is why would a 40 year old woman still being living with her daddy. If your looking to raise another child of your own go for it or maybe just quit over thinking every little thing.


Sorry starjj. Couldn't resist.

"Women always figure every man comes along wants 'em."
~John Wayne, Hondo


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

"Women always figure every man comes along wants 'em."
~John Wayne, Hondo
"Of course they're wrong 'bout 10% of the time"
Ox, ST


Like


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## davel745 (Feb 2, 2009)

it may be your last chance for companionship. I don't see it lasting because of the baggage you seem to carry. And you always figure out a way to screw everything you do up. I do like you but it is obvious from your stuff you put here you are so fixed in your ways that it wont work. however I hope that God helps you to change and it works out beautifully as we all need someone to love. Bill I don't mean to put you down I am just telling the truth as I see it.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

OK, you want advice on what is sexual and what is not. Here it is:

She taps you on your shoulder. Not Sexual.
She taps you on your butt. Sexual.


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## itsb (Jan 13, 2013)

FarmboyBill said:


> THEE PROBLEM IS, AND I thought you would see it from my MANY other posts,
> 
> I DONT WANT TO GET INVOLVED WITH A WOMAN AGAIN. I hate cafes, and eating out. I HATE thinking of what to say on a date. I HATE trying to be different than I normally am. I HATE feeling uneasy. Ive gotten past where I could feel good about a future with someone, BUT I sure enjoy the contentment of the present with NOBODY.
> 
> ...


bill you think she likes ANTIQUES :goodjob:


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## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

FarmboyBill said:


> THEE PROBLEM IS,
> 
> I DONT WANT TO GET INVOLVED WITH A WOMAN AGAIN.


Then don't get "involved". Be a friend.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

i'd better be careful too. that guy I was talking to yesterday at the hardware store might think I want to marry him since I was touching him a bit( I'm a touchy feelie person though) he did ask me where I lived. although I freely admit I was flirting. all the best to you Bill. ~Georgia.


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## Guest (Jan 11, 2014)

I like Bill too , I just enjoy picking on him . He provides so much ammunition I can't resist shooting at him . 
By the way for someone who's not interested , not looking & don't want another woman Bill sure comes up with some interesting threads .


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

That's my self appointed job, Come up with interesting threads.

We cleaned up the parsonage today, Nearly burnt it down lol. Dang dummy near 71 threw 2 tires onna pile of trash and tree cuttings, it around 30ft from the house. ANYWAY, He said the little kids with dad are hers, that shes been married about as often as I, and that shes got a bf, and that, cause she frequently leaves the study room where we we currently hlod church, he thinks she may be having a regression to her old ways.

That's PLENTY enough for me, to stiffen my resolve to remain the healthy, happy, ornery and habitual bacher I am lol.


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## Guest (Jan 11, 2014)

It's enough to make a dog cry...:spinsmiley:


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## starjj (May 2, 2005)

FBB Scare her off by telling something you read in the paper or one of your many news stories you read on the computer. How about telling her about free sites you visit on the computer. That should work if it doesn't then YES you have a problem.


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Oh, Dear! All this over-thinking! Bill! Does your brain hurt? Mine does!


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## Shygal (May 26, 2003)

Bill, if you dont want a woman then dont get one.

Its not like if she touches your shoulder, you two have to get married. Its not even like if she WANTS a relationship with you, that you have no say in it and have to do it.

I don't think she is coming on to you, honestly. She might want to get to know you as a friend, seeing that you are usually alone. But she isnt going to throw a hood over your head, knock you out , and you will wake up married to her.


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## Kiamichi Kid (Apr 9, 2009)

FBB,
The way I see it...at this stage you do not know her intentions so there isn't any need to get wound up over it.
So far it sounds as if she is being friendly and pleasant with someone she goes to church with. Of course that could change and if it does it should be relatively easy to figure out.


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## COSunflower (Dec 4, 2006)

You say a "house was provided for her because of bad choices and then afterwards had no house to go to"??? Was she in prison? With children taken away by dad? I think I would be careful even if she IS the pastor's daughter...Just respond in friendship and enjoy making music together at church.


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## Classof66 (Jul 9, 2011)

So what happened at church today? Inquiring minds want to know!


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## viggie (Jul 17, 2009)

I can tell you that I visited a new Church today and 9 men and 4 women shook my hand. Rawr.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Nothing happened in church today. Scare over LOL.


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

Yeah I bet your'e stiffening you're resolve! Life is too short to miss out on fine friends!


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## Shygal (May 26, 2003)

Church was today and no Bill, I bet they are on their honeymoon


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

Oops,,,,I didn't mean to be naughty,,,,:ashamed: :gossip:


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

wyld thang said:


> Yeah I bet your'e stiffening you're resolve! Life is too short to miss out on fine friends!


I'm braiding my fingers.....Oh, I'm a dirty ol' lady! :happy2:


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Because anything I post has to go through a censor, sometimes its 1/2 a day to a day before what I typed gets posted, IF IT DOES. Its 7 44 now in the evening. I typed what will eventually come up about today around 2 00 this afternoon.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Bill, she sounds like the perfect woman for you. Invite her out for water at your favorite booby bar.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

AND Its 9 23 when I finally see it posted.
Lara I havnt been to such a bar in 20yrs. I finally realized, after many visits to such clubs in my youth from around 88 till around 92 that It wasn't doing me much good to go see such, pay for the privliage, then go home by myself.
Sides, I raised my 3 kids more or less, That's enough. DONT need 6 more.


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## copperkid3 (Mar 18, 2005)

Shygal said:


> But she isnt going to throw a hood over your head, knock you out , and you will wake up married to her.


+ + + + + + + + + + + + + 
the women in New York catch their menfolk!:trollface


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## Guest (Jan 13, 2014)

FarmboyBill said:


> AND Its 9 23 when I finally see it posted.
> Lara I havnt been to such a bar in 20yrs. I finally realized, after many visits to such clubs in my youth from around 88 till around 92 that It wasn't doing me much good to go see such, pay for the privliage, then go home by myself.
> Sides, I raised my 3 kids more or less, That's enough. DONT need 6 more.


I gotta say I admire a man who describes 88 to 92 as his youth. Most complain about being old long before their late 80's/early 90's.


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## starjj (May 2, 2005)

FarmboyBill said:


> AND Its 9 23 when I finally see it posted.
> Lara I havnt been to such a bar in 20yrs. I finally realized, after many visits to such clubs in my youth from around 88 till around 92 that It wasn't doing me much good to go see such, pay for the privliage, then go home by myself.
> Sides, I raised my 3 kids more or less, That's enough. DONT need 6 more.


 
Bill She has 6 kids?????????


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## NoClue (Jan 22, 2007)

If Bill's not comfortable, he's not comfortable. That uneasy feeling he has could very well be the Big Guy saying either he or she isn't ready or right for this.

If nothing else, Bill, take the time for the idea to grow on you and get comfortable.


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## viggie (Jul 17, 2009)

I don't mean to make this all about me, but the Singles Minister called me tonight to see if I needed anything. Needed _ANYTHING_.


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## Classof66 (Jul 9, 2011)

Bill said he does not like clubs and cafes. I would suppose with 6 children and a women, he would not be able to afford them either. I am Bills age, and no way would I take on 6 kids! And I'm an experienced mother.


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## Shygal (May 26, 2003)

He said nothing happened at church, and that he wasnt interested


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## Allen W (Aug 2, 2008)

I'm afraid Bill would mess his britches if he ran into a woman who really came on to him.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

YES HE WOULD. That's why he trys so hard to keep women from wanting to do that. He dont care around a second set of briches lol.


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