# Need support and encouragement and to know I'm not the only one..



## hengal (Mar 7, 2005)

I don't usually post about such personal stuff but I thought I would this time because I need some support.
Do any of you ever think this way?: For the last two years I have been planning in my head that I'm going to get thin for some certain occasion, usually a few to several months out. Last year it was: visiting my parents in Houston in November. This year so far, it was getting thin before DS1 college graduation and seeing all those relatives. Then, also this year, it was getting thin for DS2's highschool graduation and seeing all those relatives. Well, that graduation in on June 3rd, and guess what? My parents will be here and lots of others. Ask me how much I've lost? You guessed it. Now I know that weight loss is a lifetime lifestyle change that needs to be done for me - and me alone. I truly know what to do and what not to do - I just don't know why I haven't done anything. I am so unhappy with the way I look and feel, I don't have much energy, etc... you know how it all goes. But what in the world is stopping me. Am I so weak that I cannot say say no to myself, even if its it the best interest of my health? The first thought on my mind when I wake up (this is no joke) is what I'm going to eat .. I'm not kidding. I am so tired of thinking about my weight ALL THE TIME. I want to just not think about it, but in order to bring about lifestyle changes, I need to think about it. I'm just sick of all my thoughts revolving around my weight and how I can hide it today. I'm sick and tired of thinking about me. Does that make any sense? And yes, I pray for strength and help from God, but then I feel bad because I go right out and keep doing the same thing all over again. There are things that I am involved with and I know I would have so much more energy and feel so much better to get this weight off. And there aer so many other things I want to do - homesteading activities aren't as easy with this extra 50 pounds attached. I just don't know what is holding me back.
I'm sorry - really I am not a whiny person and I don't mean for this to come across as being a big whine when I know what I need to do. I just don't know what is stopping me. Fear? Laziness? Unwillingness to feel discomfort by denying myself my usual eating habits?
Thanks for listening.


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## hengal (Mar 7, 2005)

Thanks Rose. I did join Curves last September and have been going, however sporadically. I do feel better when I go thats for sure. But you are right - it is a vicious circle. Going to curves isn't going to help if I binge eat later in the day, is how I feel. Then I feel bad, etc, etc, etc. 
And I do have lots of veggies and salads at home that we eat. My problem is fast food eating during the day while I'm away and eating right before bed at night. It is a comfort issue that I need to deal with.


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## okgoatgal2 (May 28, 2002)

you are likely suffering from depression in some form. allow yourself to eat, but limit how much. when you get up, take a walk first thing. to the mailbox and back, the road and back, 4 times around the house. whatever. allow yourself to eat after your walk. if you are out, take a small snack with you. refuse to allow yourself to stop at the fast food joint more than once a week. then once every 2 weeks, then once a month. when you do, get a kids meal. plenty of calories, and a toy to play with 

everytime you think about food when you're home, get up and walk around the house 4 times. drink a big glass of water. take up a craft that requires your hands to be busy, chew gum to keep your mouth busy.

btw, you're not the only one. that's why some of us come here.


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## Marilyn in CO (May 12, 2002)

Believe me, you are not alone. I am a natural health professional and I am over weight. So, guess what, I KNOW all the right things to do and still have a problem. I am a fast burner and have Type A blood, which means.......I love to eat....it is so much a part of my life......and guess what......I don't go for heavy exercise and not really crazy about any structured exercise either....never have......so......there you go.LOL HOWEVER, when my knees started swelling and hurting, that got my attention......also jump in Blood Pressure. I knew it was time to take the weight off. I found a very balanced program that jumpstarted me to get on the bandwagon(ISAGENIX). I am not fond of diet programs.....but a friend told me about this one and I knew it was a good one and it was TIME for me to do something. 

Just remember it is not about your being lazy or anything like that. It is HARD to think about changing, I know. I had to come to grips with my health.....at 56......I NEED to pay close attention to my weight. I actually ate very healthy, but too much......is my problem. Remember your body needs good, balanced fuel at regular intervals. 

I needed someone to set out a program for me and my motivation was.....my knees....I'll be darned if I'm gonna have knee replacements.....no way......surgery is not my style.

My DD35 wanted to lose weight too, so we buddied up and it really helps to encourage each other. Find a friend to do a program with you and set small goals. 

YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!! Blessings........Marilyn


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## Goatsandsheep (Jun 7, 2006)

I just start back to weight watchers. I like it because you have a group meeting with people who have the same problems you do. I lost 100lb a couple of years ago and lately my weight start going up again so back to weekly meeting I went. If theirs no meetings close to you there is a online site and many message boards of support people and great recipe for lower calorie dishes. You can also just check out the message boards and recipe without join. Good luck G&S


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## Wolf mom (Mar 8, 2005)

hengal: 
I set goals like that & don't succeed also. I think I end up putting too much pressure & stress on myself - sorta' like setting myself up for failure.
I eat when I'm stressed (or bored). It becomes a vicious circle. 

When I try to think about eating healthily or eating "nutrient dense" food, that keeps me away from that ugly goal setting stress. 

Although I've been known to lather a piece of bread with butter and sprinkle it with Nestles chocolate when there was nothing but healthy foods in the house.  

You can do it. You have the tools & there's lots of good suggestions here. maybe one day or minute at a time. Please don't beat your self up over this. I mean, it's not like we can give up eating. It just has to be done differently than we did it before. 

How are you feeling today?


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## Nancy in Maine (Jun 24, 2002)

Hengal, sweetie, you sound just like me! I do and have done the exact same thing for years. "I'll lose weight by Christmas this year" or "I'll be thin for summer fashions" or some such thing. 

I'm finally finally getting a different perspective. I agree with Wolf mom, you're putting too much pressure on yourself. And if you ask God to help you, for heavens sake know that He is on your side! He wants to help you. When you mess up He isn't disappointed in you! It's YOU that's disappointed in you. He may just be working on helping you accept His love without feeling like He has all these expectations of you; and when you can accept His unconditional love you'll be in a better position to control yourself. 

Ok, but that was almost a sermon. Sorry. It's just that I was there big time, in a legalsitic mindset. 

Maybe instead of saying to yourself that you should eat less and exercise more because you really hate the way you look now, you can try saying to yourself "I want to look nice. I want to feel good." Look down at your plate of food and say "The way to feel good about myself is to scrape half of this off" 

Then by golly when you do that and only eat half congratulate yourself and feel darn proud of yourself. If you still feel the need after that half plate ask yourself first if you are really hungry or just "want" somthing. If you can figure out what it is you "want" maybe just a tiny little bit of it? 

This is what I know about human nautre. And it's going back to the legalistic thing, so bear with me. I learned things about myself through learning about God. Growing up my church (independant Baptist) had all these things you SHOULD and SHOULD NOT do. One thing I never understood was not drinking alcohol. I was taught that the Bible absolutley taught no alcohol. But as an adult when I read it for myself, cover to cover, I saw something different. By the time I understood what I believed, I had already joined the church and had bound myself to the church covenant. One of the articles in it was abstinence. I had agreed to bind myself to it. But I finally decided that it would be wrong for me to go to a church that taught things that I didn't think God put in the Bible. So I stopped going and I gave myself the freedom to drink alcohol. 

I promise, I'm almost done.  

Becuase I had been told "NO-- I couldn't drink" I felt the need to drink out of spite. I mean every single day for over a year I wanted a drink, or two even. Now I don't think God was ever disappointed in me for doing this, but I finally got to the point where I said, "Ok, I know I CAN drink this if I want, but do I really WANT to?" I decided I didn't. I didn't want to damage my body, I didn't want the extra calories, etc. 

So now I have a drink when I want one, but I don't feel the need to have a drink every day, out of spite. 

I think it may be the same with food. When you're "on a diet" you are telling yourself "You can't have this" Well, what does that make you want to do? You want it just because someone, even yourself, said no, you can't. That's human nature. 

So you have to do it because you WANT to, and telling yourself you have to do it, especially because you hate yourself this way, isn't going to work very well. You're depending on willpower and that will only take you so far. 

You have to be nice to yourself. You have to love yourself. 

So do I.  

In a way you have to selfishly do something for yourself. If you're a Mom it may be hard to remember back to the time when you did stuff for yourself. But it's a good thing to do. 


Good luck. I hope this long rambling post has helped. If not, please disregard. And good luck, really. :baby04:


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## mammabooh (Sep 1, 2004)

You're a wise woman, Nancy in Maine! (I grew up an independent Baptist also and know EXACTLY what you've dealt with...I was even a bartender for a while out of pure rebellion)

Hengal...my biggest success has come, not from withholding food from myself, but from adding good things to my diet. If I have goals set such as eating a certain amount of fruits and veggies every day, it leaves less room in my tummy for junk. I try to always buy the best, freshest-looking fruit that I can find. Also, I have a big garden, so I can sit out there and graze all I want and know that I am getting huge amounts of vitamins and minerals and virtually no calories! I just try to focus on what I want to do FOR myself, not what I need to keep FROM myself.


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## hengal (Mar 7, 2005)

Thank you all very much for your responses, I really appreciate hearing from everyone. I think it really does need to be about loving myself and my body - enough to take care of it. I've spent alot of time feeling guilty for allowing myself to get into the shape I'm in. I need to get rid of that guilt and get on with life - in a healthy manner. Thanks again for your support.


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## Nancy in Maine (Jun 24, 2002)

Also, it doesn't really matter why you want to look good. If you just want to turn people's heads that's reason enough, if it's what YOU want. If the reason you want to lose weight it isn't about health, then that's going to be just another thing you'll "have to do" 

Why do you really want to lose weight? That's something you should think about.

I'll tell you why I do. I'm not really "overweight", I just have maybe 10-15 pounds of fat on my body. I'm in a healthy weight range for my frame. I'm 5'1" and weight 127. But I don't like my blobby belly and jiggly upper arms and overall extra fat on my frame. I don't like the way it looks, because it's not what I consider attractive. I want a tiny little muscular body, with pretty sexy curves. 

It may be vanity, but it's what I want. So that's reason enough. I want to feel attractive and sexy. 

If there are extra health beneifts to losing this weight and toning up then fine, but I'd be kidding myself to say that's what I want. 

I'm not saying you're kidding yourself when you mention health, it very well may be the main issue for you. Just when I read that comment I thought that if I said that, it wouldn't be good enough reason for me to stay committed to losing weight because my reason for wanting to lose weight is perhaps less noble, but a reality for me. 

And again, I wish you the best. And remember you don't have to be perfect. You don't have to stick to your diet fanatically. It's ok to slip up a bit every now and then. It doesn't mean you've failed. Just remind yourself why you're losing weight and make sure you stay mainly on track for you.


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