# Homeschooling for One...



## mickuhn

Hi all, 
I would love to have some feedback from anyone who has experienced homeschooling a single child. 
Before our son was even born, I was convinced we would homeschool, not knowing at the time that he would be our only child. I still feel strongly that homeschooling is the right path for our little family, but I want to be sure that our boy doesn't grow up lonely or lacking in social skills. 
I put him in a 3-day preschool this year because we live out of town, working as houseparents in a 4-resident house on a ranch, and his chances to play with children his own age are limited. That being said, he socializes very well with the older and younger children of other families on the ranch, as well as the many residents of different ages and cognitive levels. What it will be like when we move back to our own home, with just the 3 of us, on a quiet homestead in the woods, I don't know.
I guess I'm looking for reassurance that an only child can excel in social skills, as well as academics, without spending 12 years in crowded classrooms. (I do realize that it has a lot to do with how we raise him and how much we involve him in community activities... Maybe I'm wanting a way to make up for his lack of siblings...as if that's possible!)
Any insight would be much appreciated, thanks!


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## BlueberryChick

You have to make extra effort to provide opportunities for your child to interact with others--play time with other children, homeschool co-ops, community sports, church (if you attend one). Those are all places for your child to make friends.

I have one homeschool graduate. She's 22, through college, and working. My other two are 12 and 8. We get together with homeschool friends almost every week, one child takes horseback riding and we are active in our church.

You have to make an extra effort to provide social interactions for your son, but there's no reason they have to be in a classroom or even with exact-same-age people. As you've already noticed, he does fine with children of various ages. After all, how often do adults spend the day with a roomful of other people within a year of the same age?


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## GREENCOUNTYPETE

get him involved in things he shows interest in. i homeschooled 3 kids for 3 1/2 years. a month ago i picked up a full time job and the littles went back to school. my 12 year old is at home, she is perfectly happy being a hermit, but she loves art. so i take her to art classes to get her out in to the world, we also take lots of field trips.


this is mrs gc pete, gc pete was apparently on my computer recently


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## mickuhn

Thanks for your replies!
I absolutely agree that we will need to make the extra effort to get him involved in community activities...based on his interests. If we do this right, I believe he'll do great with a homeschooling lifestyle.
I let the doubt and guilt start creeping in when I see how sad he is when a playdate is over and his friends leave. His dad and I spend a lot of time playing games, reading, playing outside & just being goofy with him...but we're no substitutes for a sibling to build blanket forts, play legos, share a room and fight with... So, then I start thinking, if he was in school, at least he'd be around other kids 5 out of 7 days...
The truth is, we won't know until we try and we can always change what isn't working... (And I need to remember that having siblings doesn't guarantee happiness... )


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## vicki in NW OH

My only son was homeschooled. He did fine with church activities, 4H, YMCA sports, etc. I don't think only kids tend to be more shy than kids with siblings because they learn to reach out and socialize with others of all ages.


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## mrs whodunit

I was the hs'ed only.  I went most everywhere with my parents,knew their friends, had friends of my own that I went to their house or they came to mine

The whole socialization thing is IMO hogwash. The only time he will ever be with kids his own age is in school. With hs'ing is he will socialize with people of all ages and be comfortable doing so.

Find out what his interests are and get him involved. Enjoy life 

Edited to add:

I use to be a cashier at a grocery store. One has all sorts of conversations with those who comes though. A common conversation was one where people felt the need to tell me about about hs'ing and socialization. The conversation then went into how hs'ed kids cant carry on a conversation. I let them go on and dig themselves into a nice hole. I would then ask them if I was having any problems carry on a conversation with them. The answer was inevitably no as I was a favorite cashier of many customers. I would them inform them that I was hs'ed. They had no more to say.


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## mickuhn

Thanks Vicki, that's good to hear!  Our son (unlike his parents) seems to be very extroverted...which I imagine will work in his favor as long as we provide him with opportunities to participate in those extra-curricular activities.


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## mickuhn

mrs whodunit, I so appreciate hearing from the hs student's viewpoint! It's great to know that spending a lot of time with your parents was not a negative thing... Our son goes everywhere with us as well and so far it has seemed to be fairly natural. He's only 5 though, so I'm glad to hear that it worked out well for you throughout your schooling/upbringing. There's more I'd like to say, but I have to run out the door. Thanks much for your input!!


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## HTWannabee

I am homeschooling an only child, DD13. I just make sure we are involved with activities she likes and she is very glad to be home. That said, I do know some extroverted children that asked to go to school in middle school and their parents sent them. I would say just begin the homeschool journey and see where it goes. Some HS for part of their children's education and some go all the way through. Just do as your child needs.


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## Ohio dreamer

Listen to your kid. If you listen carefully you will hear what you need to do. Your child will say "can so-n-so come over", or "I wish I had more friends", or..."Mom, PLEASE can we just stay home today", lol. 

My homeschooled kids run (participate in) much more then their public school counterparts. My son is a HUGE social butterfly and is much more "involved" in things then his sister, BUT she is rather active, too. I personally am on the edge of anti-social.....but I "get out" for them, I can sit home and chill, rest, and be "me" once they are driving 

I was an only child, I went to school and "socialized" as much as I had to. From the beginning I was "anti-social", I never wanted more then one friend (drove my "social butterfly" mother nuts!). I don't think I'm that way because of being an only child, my dad is one of three and is the same way. So listen to your child, don't fill a hole that isn't there....just listen to what they are telling you.


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## mrs whodunit

Ohio dreamer said:


> Listen to your kid. If you listen carefully you will hear what you need to do. Your child will say "can so-n-so come over", or "I wish I had more friends", or..."Mom, PLEASE can we just stay home today", lol.
> 
> My homeschooled kids run (participate in) much more then their public school counterparts. My son is a HUGE social butterfly and is much more "involved" in things then his sister, BUT she is rather active, too. I personally am on the edge of anti-social.....but I "get out" for them, I can sit home and chill, rest, and be "me" once they are driving
> 
> I was an only child, I went to school and "socialized" as much as I had to. From the beginning I was "anti-social", I never wanted more then one friend (drove my "social butterfly" mother nuts!). I don't think I'm that way because of being an only child, my dad is one of three and is the same way. So listen to your child, don't fill a hole that isn't there....just listen to what they are telling you.


That is an excellent point


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## Elizabeth

We will be homeschooling our daughter, who is almost 3yo. She is an only child. As much as I wish that she had a sibling or two, in truth we will be able to do a lot more with and for her as an only child than we ever could with a larger family, especially once she is old enough to appreciate traveling.

As for socialization, one of the many reasons we will be homeschooling is to keep her from being "negatively-socialized" in the local school. We expect that she will have more than enough opportunity to meet other kids in the community through homeschool groups, 4-H, music and dance and karate lessons, sports, etc.

Honestly though, both hubby and I are practically hermits, lol, while our girl is, and has always been, extremely outgoing. She loves people, loves to talk with and visit with them, loves to dance (neither hubby nor I dance), and will no doubt be a super social little butterfly herself. Socializing hasn't even made it onto my list of things to worry about.


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## rxkeith

we have one child who is home schooled, nine going on ten yrs old.
i suggest contacting local home schooling groups in the area or county, and find out what activities are available that you can participate in. my son is involved in drama club, skating, and gym with other home schoolers. he is also taking piano lessons from someone who home schools their kids.
my son still misses being able to play more with other kids, but he understands how it is. 
absolutely do not worry about socialization. to quote joel salatin, i want my child to be sociable, not socialized. 
we go to the library a lot. my son knows everyone who works there, and they know him. lots of conversation there. when we go out to eat, we have our son pay the bill. he has done that since he was about 5 yrs old. builds his confidence. 
he is pretty comfortable talking to just about anyone. if there is a university near you, look for an international club that you can join. michigan tech has international neighbors, an organization made up of tech students or spouses of teachers from all over the world. that could stir an interest in travel, geography, food, learning another language, learning about other cultures, faiths, etc, etc.
if i think of anything else, i'll pop back in.



keith


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## mickuhn

Thanks for all of the great responses & suggestions, everyone! In my experience so far, I have found the homeschooling community to be so supportive and helpful. It strengthens my resolve, when faced with naysayers & doubters, to know this is not a solo journey.

Ohio dreamer and Elizabeth: I had to chuckle at the terms "anti-social" and "hermits", as those are words my hubby and I have used many times to describe ourselves... And sure enough, our son is quite the opposite. Our challenge is teaching him that he can't be the center of attention in every crowded, or not so crowded, room! (Why anyone would want to be in a crowded room or be the center of attention is beyond me, lol!!) I will say that we are getting out-and-about a lot more often, though, for his sake.

Ohio dreamer: "...don't fill a hole that isn't there..." Well said. (Like a smack upside my head!) I'm so busy worrying about how things MIGHT affect my son, when all I have to do is pay attention & listen! He'll let me know! Thanks for that.

keith: Love the Joel Salatin quote! And the idea about paying the tab!

HTW: You're right! The main thing is to just get started and find out what's going to work for him. 

mrs whodunit: Didn't know how to go back & edit...meant to say "former hs student" in my reply to you. Technicalities, I know...but it drives me nuts not to be able to fix my wording! Just a little "quirk" of mine...


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