# The Fix-up



## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

My landlord came to collect the rent on Tuesday. He asked how everything was going and I told him about the still leaky kitchen sink drain. We agreed on Thursday for him to come back out and fix it, when out of the blue, he asks me if I'm seeing anybody. I was a little taken off guard, but I told him no. He then proceeds to tell me about his single brother in law that they want to fix me up with. From what I was told, the BIL is recently single and wanting to find someone to date. The LL said they had told him about me and he now wants to meet me. LL said his BIL wanted someone who didn't drink or do drugs (I don't) but the BIL drinks "a little" and apparently he is currently unemployed BUT it is because he was laid off from Goodyear last year? but he took advantage of the retraining that was offered and he's certified in heating and air and thinks he may get on with Remington in Mayfield soon.

The whole episode left me a little uneasy and kinda creeped out. I'm a pretty private person and I can't even imagine what they've been telling this guy. Not to mention there are several red flags that have got me ready to :run:

I just don't date. I have kids at home who still need my attention and I work full time at a part time job just trying to keep ends meeting and food on the table. 

My oldest daughter (24) told me I didn't need no man LOL and my younger two kids told me to tell the LL that I'd go out with the BIL if they would waive the pet deposit so the kids could get a dog LOL :shocked:

I have no intention of meeting the BIL and feel like I need to handle this with kid gloves since it is a relative of my LL. I'm sure they meant well and they are super nice folks. I'm sure they see a single mom who doesn't get out much and that I must be lonely.

Anyone else run into folks trying to fix them up? How do you handle it?


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## Cornhusker (Mar 20, 2003)

Just tell them you aren't ready to start dating or "meeting" people.
They'll understand


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## Jim-mi (May 15, 2002)

Just do not forget how to say . . . NO


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

rkintn said:


> my younger two kids told me to tell the LL that I'd go out with the BIL if they would waive the pet deposit so the kids could get a dog LOL :shocked:


LOL! Love it! Sounds like what my kids would say...

Take one for the team mom!! Just kidding!!

He may be a nice guy and going out wouldn't hurt anyone. But I agree, it does seem a bit awkward and my biggest concern, what if it didn't go well. How would that affect your relationship with your Landlord?


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## Allen W (Aug 2, 2008)

Have a cousin that always replied with "my freinds don't do things like that to me".


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

A long time ago, we introduced DD to a neighbor/friend. My intentions were that perhaps they would develop a friendship. I wanted her to realize that there ARE decent men in the world. They married and had two neat children. The marriage ended, but they and all of us are still friends.

Consider thinking of thie man as a possible friend instead of a man to date.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

RubyRed said:


> LOL! Love it! Sounds like what my kids would say...
> 
> Take one for the team mom!! Just kidding!!
> 
> He may be a nice guy and going out wouldn't hurt anyone. But I agree, it does seem a bit awkward and my biggest concern, what if it didn't go well. How would that affect your relationship with your Landlord?


My oldest and I had a good laugh over it And, yeah, that was kinda my biggest concern as well. 

Jim-mi...Saying no is not a problem It just caught me off guard. I don't get too many folks trying to set me up.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

Allen W said:


> Have a cousin that always replied with "my freinds don't do things like that to me".


They aren't friends. It's my landlord.


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## bstuart29 (Jul 11, 2006)

think it's quite inappropriate especially being its ya landlord, generally I see setting someone up is usually a very bad idea even when done by a friend it could really backfire on ya.


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## Guest (Dec 26, 2013)

There is no one true answer. It could be a catastrophe, just as any other meet-up can. Then again, it could be like the story of the guy in the flood who kept waiting for God to save him. You probably know the story. Then again, there's another story that might fit, the frog and the scorpion. Maybe if you knew anybody that knew him, you could find out a little about his character. 

It all boils down to whether or not you're willing to take a chance. Because, even if you was going on a date with the prince of hearts, it could go wrong. Then, again, it might be perfect for you. You are the only one who can decide if you want to take a chance at this juncture of time and space, and also if you want to take a chance with this person. Based on your questioning, I gather that the answer is No, and No.

However, to answer your actual question, because you did not ask for advice, rather you said: "Anyone else run into folks trying to fix them up? How do you handle it?"
When I was looking for love, I looked into every eye. There was never any categorical rejection. Probably a lot different for a man than for a woman. Although it may seem easy, there's a lot of work in getting what you want out of life. It might just fall into your lap, but even so, you got to work hard to be in that spot at that time. Heck, maybe the "fixer-uppers" believe you're the most decent person they can think of.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Some people just don't know when not to be helpful. I'm sure they mean well. But you can bet they are thinking of him as much or more than they are of you and yours. Last thing you want is another mouth to feed and pickup after. :umno:

Personally i think fix ups are a recipe for disaster. I know women love to fix up a friend and i get my share of those kind of offers. However, honestly very few people know me well enough to know the kind of women I would be interested in. I suspect the same is true of you!!!:shrug:


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

I've been thinking about, setting up a blind date for myself...


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## Guest (Dec 26, 2013)

I never had a problem meeting a person who someone else thought might be the "one" for me...met a bunch of very nice people...just none of them were the "one"...nothing ventured, nothing gained..just my two cents..


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

elkhound..."just say no to john doe"


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Well, you COULD always just meet for maybe lunch (dutch!) somewhere. There's a chance the LL is pushing his BIL to date you! 

Could end up a (minor) disaster, a match, or just a nice lunch with interesting conversation. Not a thing in the world wrong with a nice lunch and good conversation!

It would give you a chance to explain that with kids and two jobs, you SELDOM get the chance to meet anyone or the opportunity to go out. And is the perfect setting to prepare for an "out" if wanted.

Who knows, he may be as relieved as you!

Mon


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

I'm not looking and I'm not interested in meeting or talking to this guy. I keep to myself and I'm not used to having anyone try and set me up. It makes me feel funny and a little on edge. I like flying under the radar. I'm feeling kinda like a deer caught in the headlights right about now lol


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

frogmammy said:


> Well, you COULD always just meet for maybe lunch (dutch!) somewhere. There's a chance the LL is pushing his BIL to date you!
> 
> Could end up a (minor) disaster, a match, or just a nice lunch with interesting conversation. Not a thing in the world wrong with a nice lunch and good conversation!
> 
> ...


Exactly what I was thinking and maybe the two of you might become good friends.


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

Sometimes,,When you're not looking,,something_ sparks_ your interest,,

And you find yourself _peeking_,,,:hrm:


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## foaly (Jan 14, 2008)

I understand about having kids at home and trying to date. Even if you want to, it's difficult at best.

I say follow your instinct of feeling uneasy and tell the LL you're not ready to date (as a previous post says).


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

I would keep it simple and just say "Thank you for thinking of me but I am not dating right now."


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

I get where you are coming from-cause it kind of puts you on the spot. I always go with my gut ,I am not always right. But I , am the only person ,that"I" have to live with.(at this point,lol)


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

If you don't agree to at lest meet the guy, your LL will start dragging him along to your home for the fix-it stuff.

I wouldn't agree to a date if I didn't date, but agreeing to meet the guy informally somewhere not your house may be a possibility for you. Then you can perhaps make a new friend after you explain to him you aren't interested in dating or intimate relationships.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

rkintn said:


> My landlord came to collect the rent on Tuesday. He asked how everything was going and I told him about the still leaky kitchen sink drain. We agreed on Thursday for him to come back out and fix it, when out of the blue,* he asks me if I'm seeing anybody.* I was a little taken off guard, but I told him no. He then proceeds to tell me about his *single brother in law *that they want to fix me up with. From what I was told, the* BIL is recently single *and *wanting to find someone to date. *The LL said they had told him about me and he now wants to meet me. LL said his BIL wanted someone who didn't drink or do drugs (I don't) but the* BIL drinks "a little"* and apparently he is currently unemployed BUT it is because* he was laid off from Goodyear last year?* but he took advantage of the retraining that was offered and he's certified in heating and air and thinks he *may get on* with Remington in Mayfield soon.
> 
> The whole episode left me a little uneasy and kinda creeped out. I'm a pretty private person and* I can't even imagine what they've been telling this guy. Not to mention there are several red flags that have got me ready to :run:*I have no intention of meeting the BIL and feel like I need to handle this with kid gloves since it is a relative of my LL. I'm sure they meant well and they are super nice folks. I'm sure they see a single mom who doesn't get out much and that I must be lonely.
> 
> Anyone else run into folks trying to fix them up? How do you handle it?



Cynical, party of one here....

*BIL = red flag (means it's either LL sister's EX or LL's wife's sister's EX)
*Recently Single = Too many unknowns and varibles.
*Find someone to date = horny lookin' for a hook up / lazy lookin for a mama.
*BIL drinks a little = Seriously? Who even believes this? "Drinks a little" reads.....lush!
*Unemployed for a year = economy is VERY bad in your area or work ethic-sense of responsibility-and get after it-ess is absent.
*May get on = still, without a job / income? Living where? How?

And what the hey diddle diddle did the LL tell BIL about YOU!!!
THAT would freak me out / tick me off.

In a VERY quite little town close to where I live, a mother and daughter were murdered. 
By who? 
Someone who used to work for their family business (landscaping) and knew the lay of the house / property, etc.
20 year old kid, murdered a mother and daughter (53 and 23) for some cash and stuff.......
THERE WAS NO FORCED ENTRY........
HE KNEW enough about them......to get the job done.

This would double time tick me off if I had minor children. OY what a toad.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

Laura said:


> If you don't agree to at lest meet the guy, your LL will start dragging him along to your home for the fix-it stuff.
> 
> I wouldn't agree to a date if I didn't date, but agreeing to meet the guy informally somewhere not your house may be a possibility for you. Then you can perhaps make a new friend after you explain to him you aren't interested in dating or intimate relationships.


Yeah, that's not gonna happen. I don't have an issue with telling the LL that that is inappropriate. Not to mention, the idea of thinking that I have to meet the guy to keep him from dragging him around where I live and my kids, is really gonna bring out the stubborn. Things will go south in a real big hurry if I think that's what's going on. Plus, the majority of the fix it stuff I can do myself. I just don't like messing with someone else's messed up plumbing job. That's the only reason I let the LL know about the sink.

I haven't heard anything so I beginning to think the LL has decided to drop the issue, which is great Or maybe he forgot. Which is possible since he has memory issues due to a brain injury due to a car wreck. Either one works for me.

So back to the original question.....Have you ran into anyone trying to fix you up? And, if so, how do/did you handle it?


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Cynical, party of one here....
> 
> *BIL = red flag (means it's either LL sister's EX or LL's wife's sister's EX)
> *Recently Single = Too many unknowns and varibles.
> ...



Nope, it's a cynical party of TWO...and you hit the nail on the head.


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## Kristinemomof3 (Sep 17, 2012)

Why can't BIL mean LL's wife's brother? Everyone sure is quick to judge. I say meet up with the dude & see what happens. No one said you had to make a committment.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Kristinemomof3 said:


> Why can't BIL mean LL's wife's brother? Everyone sure is quick to judge. I say meet up with the dude & see what happens. No one said you had to make a committment.


ooo I forgot that option.:clap:
"quick to judge"......why?
Same reason why people are quick to throw caution to the wind, and potentially put ones self and ones children in harms way!!:smack

ETA: A gal I work with, her and I were talking about her new bf......she said that in the last week, he has 'presented' some 'red flags'....
And then she went on to say "but I am trying to ignore them".
I told her "NEVER ignore a red flag. NEVER"
Then I asked her "How many times do you need to be told, to get out of a burning building?
Once. 
NEVER ignore, a red flag"


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> I just don't date. I have kids at home who still need my attention


That's all you need to tell them.


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

After reading the posts, trust your gut.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

Kristinemomof3 said:


> Why can't BIL mean LL's wife's brother? Everyone sure is quick to judge. I say meet up with the dude & see what happens. No one said you had to make a committment.



In my op I did state it was his single BIL. I thought it was clear it was his wife's single brother. Sorry for the confusion.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

rkintn said:


> So back to the original question.....Have you ran into anyone trying to fix you up? And, if so, how do/did you handle it?


 Yes. I learned early blind dates and fix-ups were with Fixer-Uppers
they are trying to unload. I don't accept and simply say, "No thank you," when it is first presented to me. It seems you missed that opportunity?

Their next level is inviting him to tag long to places you will be. There is nothing you can do about it except take the opportunity to tell the fixer-upper directly it is nothing personal but you are not dating and have no interest in "hanging out" with anyone. This way you avoid the distortions of 3rd party conversations. 

I frequently have "friends" who invite spare men they want me to meet to social events I am attending, work or play. They've stopped telling me they invited a man for me to meet, avoiding my instant reject button. It's way less stressful.

My mom and dad started as a blind date, they've been married for 63 years. They first met when my mom had her car stuck in the mud and my dad and his carload of friends and family couldn't pass until they got her unstuck. They parted ways with mom calling him a name, spinning her tires and coating him with mud much to the laughter and delight of my dad's party. They, my aunts, uncles and family friends, decided they were perfect for each other and set them up together on a blind date. Neither knew who their date was gonna be because neither would've agreed.

I learned about this in full detail at my parent's 50th anniversary party when I handed out papers with the question, "How did Mom and Dad meet and become a couple?" All those old people got the giggles all over again as they reminisced filling out their papers.


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## KnowOneSpecial (Sep 12, 2010)

"Well, between all of the doctor appointments I have for my flaming case of herpes and the two jobs I have to work just to pay the rent, I don't really have time....unless he gets that job. Then call me."


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

Laura, you are correct. I was caught so off guard that I missed the opportunity to say no thank you. It won't happen again.


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

Yeah,,,,,"Thanks, but I'm married to the Mob",,,,,,,,









might have helped with all landlord issues also,,,,,,,


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

rkintn said:


> So back to the original question.....Have you ran into anyone trying to fix you up? And, if so, how do/did you handle it?


My friends in TN had a farmer they wanted me to meet, before I really had dated anyone.

It was funny really. They planned a big meal at his place, except *I* had to do all of the cooking. The food was a success, nothing left over. I got a tour of his self-built house, including the laundry and bathrooms (chuckle), a tour of the barns and inspection of all of his vehicles, and a sit-spell on the 2nd level front porch rockers. 

He was a nice guy, just, I wasn't ready and he sparked nothing in me at all. They tried again before I left for Florida with the same guy, another cookout at their place. He seemed willing, I just...was leaving and really didn't have the time or inclination to follow up. He still inquires after me, but has had one or two 'housekeepers' (cover-up for girlfriends) in the interim. They seem to come and go quite often. 

I'd hire him for fence work and stuff, but I don't think it was a good match-up, although he's nice enough and easy to look at. He thinks too 'old' for me, if that makes sense, and just didn't spark the 'spark'. 

My other friends here in FL, they always have suggestions, usually guys 10-15 years younger than me - uh, no thanks. I've just started saying "I'm not dating right now", and they leave it at that. 

~ST


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## itsb (Jan 13, 2013)

KnowOneSpecial said:


> "Well, between all of the doctor appointments I have for my flaming case of herpes and the two jobs I have to work just to pay the rent, I don't really have time....unless he gets that job. Then call me."


really? is that the way you want people to see you as ? I would take it as LL thinks that you are a nice person and thinks that you and BIL might become friends or more in time.Is LL a nice guy?do you trust him ? LL must trust you ! take my advice at what it is worth, in my opinion be honest to people,be sinsere and be yourself,what would a dinner hurt ? but if you are not ready,just be honest good luck 


disclamer (what do I know)


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> Yes. I learned early blind dates and fix-ups were with Fixer-Uppers
> they are trying to unload.


Oh, I don't think that's always the case!

I had a boss once who was always trying to fix me up with her 30-something divorced son. I was reluctant as I'd just been through a divorce and wasn't looking to hook up with anyone right then. She persisted, though, so I finally told her to have her son stop in the restaurant where we worked so I could get a look at him. He didn't seem like an ax-murderer so I finally agreed to go out with him, more to shut her up than anything. (I suspect he felt the same about me.)

Of course, we ended up getting married and staying together for 12 years. ound:

While he wasn't the right guy for me, he was a darned good guy. Hard-working, clean-cut, a fine upstanding member of the community. We had some good years together and parted on friendly terms. 

So ... blind dates aren't always duds!


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

itsb said:


> really? is that the way you want people to see you as ? I would take it as LL thinks that you are a nice person and thinks that you and BIL might become friends or more in time.Is LL a nice guy?do you trust him ? LL must trust you ! take my advice at what it is worth, in my opinion be honest to people,be sinsere and be yourself,what would a dinner hurt ? but if you are not ready,just be honest good luck
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Pretty sure that was said in jest and no, I would never say that lol. Ftr, I did ask if others had run into this and how they did/ would handle it. I did not ask for advice on how i should handle it (I also knew I would get plenty of advice  ), as I already know how I will handle it should the situation actually happen. I don't date. Don't have time for it. I'm also not interested in seeing if we can be friends etc. I realize this goes against the popular consensus. But it is what it is. LZ5 came the closest to understanding and if I were in a dating state of mind I would still turn down this situation just because I feel like it's an awkward personal situation that shouldn't exist in the business between landlord and tenant. Much like if your boss tried to set you up with a family member.


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

I almost always went out on blind dates, when I was single-especially when being fixed-up by friends and family. But then again, I was a young man (different situation). Now, I have not had anyone try to "fix me up", in many,many years. I think Ladies, are approached for blind dates, more than Men. I always thought "what have I got to lose?"- but that's just me. I was willing to take a chance(different situations). I understand, how you're situation makes you "uncomfortable". Be careful-Best of Luck.*


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

Well, apparently they didn't forget. The Land Lady texted me tonight with an invitation from her brother for dinner and a movie on Saturday. She said her and hubby would go to, so I wouldn't feel odd going with him by myself (like a double date with my LL's wouldn't be weird LOL). She also offered to give me his number and told me his first name. 

I texted back and told her thank you for thinking of me but that I just don't have the time to date and that I hope he finds someone. I don't think anyone is upset. She texted back Ok no problem. It's hard to tell when texting. I'm glad it's over with and it isn't still hanging over my head


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Good for you rkintn!


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

rkintn said:


> Well, apparently they didn't forget. The Land Lady texted me tonight with an invitation from her brother for dinner and a movie on Saturday. She said her and hubby would go to, so I wouldn't feel odd going with him by myself (like a double date with my LL's wouldn't be weird LOL). She also offered to give me his number and told me his first name.
> 
> I texted back and told her thank you for thinking of me but that I just don't have the time to date and that I hope he finds someone. I don't think anyone is upset. She texted back Ok no problem. It's hard to tell when texting. I'm *glad it's over *with and it isn't still hanging over my head



Man, I hope you are right...

That is so weird......
Either you must be a GEM of a human being, and your LL's can CLEARLY see that.....and want you part of their family.
Or 
Humans are gettin' weirder and weirder....I cannot imagine getting that text from someone I am not "close" friends with in the first place!!:bash:


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Man, I hope you are right...
> 
> That is so weird......
> Either you must be a GEM of a human being, and your LL's can CLEARLY see that.....and want you part of their family.
> ...


I suspect it's the latter. If I had been on the fence about the situatation, the LL double date would have pushed me right off onto "no". They are really very nice people, but it seems maybe they have issues with where personal boundaries and business boundaries meet. They are not the only people I've met around here like that either.


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

Soooo,,I can put Rkintn,,,back in my black book,,,Yahoo!! :sing:


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