# How much leeway do you allow bright kids?



## hoggie (Feb 11, 2007)

DD and I have a bit of a problem.

She is great in so many ways, and helps me an awful lot. But sometimes her brain gets in the way.

An example is tidying up. I allow her to have toys/building sets/jigsaw puzzles out all over the living room floor. And on the whole I enjoy them being there. But I do need to tidy/hoover etc. So I ask her to put them away. She is willing enough, doesn't try to ge tout of it or anything and starts putting them away. Then her brain takes over, and she comes up with a "pattern" or "logical" way of putting them away - maybe lining up all the pieces of one sort and then putting them in the box. Then before you know it she has everything tha tshe had already put away back out on the floor, and the "pattern" covering the entire floor and we are back to where we started.

Getting ready to go out. "go and put your coat and shoes on" "ok mum" silence. Then she's back with a sock in her hand "mum, guess what we did this morning" - me "I don't know but tell me when you've got your coat on, why are you carrying that sock around?" her - "OH - I was supposed to be putting my SHOES on" silence - her "mum, in my book xyz happend" me - "tell me when you've got your COAT ON" and so iot continues for about 20 mins. 

She isn't unwilling, and she can concentrate for hours on maths, or reading, or craft, or ANYTHING where she is doing something. But something like tidying or getting ready, she just doesn't seem to be able to remember what she is supposed to be doing.

She doesn't have any siblings so there is no question of anything I do being "unfair". So what do I do with her? Have I just got a "nutty professor" on my hands? Should I go back to doing EVERYTHING with her like I did when she was smaller?

I am asking this here, as I THINK it is a by-product of her being bright, so I sort of view it as an education thing. 

Any ideas

TIA

Apologies for the lack of punctuation in the post - I was realy struggling to express the frustration of trying to ge tmy 6yo ready for ANYTHING LOL

hoggie


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## Tracy Rimmer (May 9, 2002)

Hoggie -- you're right -- it's a product of her being bright. Many bright kids can't stop THINKING long enough to stay on task when they're little -- but it's important that she learn this skill. Is a future employer (or even teacher) going to be as understanding as you?

You must be the one to make the judgment call as to where being "curious" ends and where being "disobedient" begins. Personally, I would have nipped that behavior in the bud early on, as sometimes, listening and doing as they're told IMMEDIATELY holds more importance than we can predict. They can ask questions and carry on a conversation while doing what they were told to do. Guiding them in this isn't going to stifle their curiosity -- trust me. I have a son like this -- he's fourteen now, and still comes up with questions out of the blue (in rapid succession, rather like machine gun fire  ) while staying on task. As a matter of fact, sometimes I think I may be suffering from mental whiplash, he changes subjects and asks questions so quickly.


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## Dente deLion (Nov 27, 2006)

I agree, it is definitely a function of intelligence. I get this from my son, too, and like Tracy I try to instill "do this NOW, chit-chat later." I also have had success with "the sooner you finish this task, the more time you'll have to do X." He has a written get-ready-for-school routine which is posted low on the refrigerator, and the last item is "Work in workbooks, do puzzles, or read until further instructions are given." This allows me to finish my get-ready-for-work routine without having to monitor what he's doing every second; it wakes up his brain; and it reinforces the notion of "work first, play second." Most days we do pretty well, but it is still a struggle sometimes.

I also think it may help to have your daughter repeat your instruction immediately after you say it. "Put away the toys quickly and correctly. What are you going to do?" Hearing herself say it may be just the push she needs to crowd out competing thoughts and get on task.

I'll try to think of more suggestions, but in the meantime, know that you are definitely not alone! I can see already that my son will have struggles as a "book smart with no common sense" sort of person, and I am trying to avert that scenario, but it sure isn't easy!


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## Ernie (Jul 22, 2007)

Problem is, the world is full of bright people who couldn't stay on task long enough to find the cure for cancer, compose a operatic opus, or write the greatest novel of their generation.

I wish I could remember the reference, but in one of the education books I read awhile back, it stated that children have difficulty with linked tasks. Their little minds just don't work that way. When you tell them, "take off your coat and then hang it in the closet and then go pick up all your toys" they really can't handle the string of instructions past "take off your coat". I started giving mine only immediate instructions and then just supervising through the whole task and that seemed to fix the problem.

My 11 year old is a jabbermouth. When we're working on a project he wants to talk about something he's read or some bird he just saw or something. His mouth cannot close. So I make time for frequent breaks in which we'll sit and I'll have a smoke and a cup of coffee while I listen to him. Then we pick up the tools and go back to work. He's actually an interesting person to talk to, but he can't walk and chew bubble gum at the same time and when he's talking I'm not paying attention to what I'm doing either.


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## Cara (May 9, 2002)

Your little one is bright and young! If you took her to the doc, they would most likely prescribe Ridlyn to "focus" her. Grrr. If I went by the symptoms they give for add/adhd, all mine would be on drugs. Not that there aren't actual cases of it, but it is WAY over diagnosed. 

I give 5 minute warnings and two minute warnings. It's an exercise in patience but just keep doing what you're doing. It flies by and she'll be 14 and looking at her drivers permit in the spring like my little baby :Bawling:


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## ovsfarm (Jan 14, 2003)

When my dd was little, we would occasionally play Momma Says. I would give a silly instruction that she had to obey immediately. Then we would work up to two tasks, then three. Sometimes I would intentionally have her go to an area where there were many distractions to see if she could practice focusing and complete the entire list of tasks. The rewards were small candies such as M&Ms or Smarties. I put them in a bowl where she could see them and then took one out if she lost the game and moved one over to her bowl if she won. It was all very lighthearted and fun, but really seemed to get her in the habit of listening to instruction and remembering short task lists. Games like Simon Says and Mother, May I? would probably work fine also.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Being bright is not the same as being organized: being organized is a life skill like knowing how to separate the clothes so that the red does not bleed into the whites.

She has not yet learned this skill!


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## christij (Mar 5, 2006)

I think this is where PS children loose out. When I sub I have 20 kids wanting to tell me something and there is no way to get the days agenda in and listen to a story from 20 individuals. If I say do X then you can tell me they realize by the time we get X done we will have moved on to something else. Heck I can't even accomplish it when I am in Spec Ed with a small group and they tend to want to shut down I think b/c of it.


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## hoggie (Feb 11, 2007)

Thank you all. I have been back in and read your replies, and have been thinking about them a lot.

I think you may be right Tracy - maybe I should have hit it when she was tiny. We have always talked about everything as it came up, stopped to look in puddles as we came to them etc. it only really became a problem when she started school last year. And in the last year, I have tried everything I can think of to get her sorted. From reward charts, to punishments, to sitting on the kitchen floor in tears of frustration (yes this really happened one day when my depression was at it's lowest just before I went to the doctor for medication). Nothing really seems to get it in there. But.........


I think Terri may have given me the answer. I sat DD down yesterday and had a "talk" I explained how she is good at learning things and she agreed. I explained that being able to be on time for things and get things done is another thing she needs to learn, just like she learns her spellings and her tables, and that she needed to learn it. I said that I was prepared to help her learn, but, just like learning her spellings, she would have to "put in" too.

So far yesterday and today, she has tried a lot harder. Maybe we have found the "way in"

Thanks again for all your support


hoggie


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## Pigeon Lady (Apr 4, 2004)

Wow! So this means I must be VERY bright!!

Pauline


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## posifour11 (Feb 27, 2003)

this is okgoatgal2, i just didn't log my dh out. anyway, as far as getting ready to go, i've got mine trained that when i say "goodbye" they better be in the car by the time i've got it ready to back out, or they're left behind. it happened once to the oldest-mom left her in a safe place when she wouldn't get up and comeon, and it's never happened since, except once, when she wasn't ready for school when she was about 10 (6th grade). i packed the rest of them up and drove them to school ( 5 blocks away) and came back to get her, that's been 4 yrs, and they all learned that one time. i also have to say "you can talk after the dishes are washed" or whatever they're supposed to be doing. my youngest is just like your dd at age 7 he's the flakiest of my kids, but tests higher than any of them did. i just tell him to turn his brain on and act his iq and he gets busy at whatever it is.


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