# marriage?



## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

Reading the "no one around" thread has me wondering, at what age did you first get married?

It was brought up that some might have a hard time in letting go of the bitterness to move on to another relationship. I think that might sometimes be the case. But...

My bro and I used to talk about marriage and both of us came to the conclusion that the older you are, the harder it is to make a first marriage work and it's less likely that you'll want to get married again if it fails. You become more set in your ways, so it's difficult to merge into a couple. Whereas, if you marry young, you're more likely to start out with little and grow together. Then, if something happens, you're more likely to get married as you don't really know how to not be a couple.


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## Qhorseman (Jul 9, 2010)

I was 31 when I got married.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

I was 23.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

So, do you feel mostly contented in your singleness or would you prefer to be a couple?


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## Zilli (Apr 1, 2012)

I was nineteen the first time and thirty-one the second.

I was twenty-four when I got divorced the first time. I knew that I wanted to try it again, maybe have at least one more kid, but it still took me over five years to find someone I was willing to try it again with. 

I was my first husband's second wife and my second husband's second wife, too. While I stopped at two, they both went on to marry - and divorce - for a third time and they are both now married for the fourth time; my first husband recently married someone half his age who has never held a job or lived on her own (when he met her, she was in her thirties and still living with her parents).

As I've noted in the other two threads, I am VERY contended in my singleness - but then I suspect I am older than most of the posters here.

I had no problem learning how NOT to be a couple.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

I am not sure about being older being a set back. We grow into who we are, but it takes time. Some young people do not know who they are so they can bend and meld themselves with others easier. As they get older who they are awakens within them and if that true self is in conflict with the life they have been living since a youth, then there is no hound in hell that could hold them back from emurging into truth.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

Terri in WV said:


> So, do you feel mostly contented in your singleness or would you prefer to be a couple?


Me? I have no choice at the moment but to make the best of my situation. However, I would prefer to be a couple with the right man any day.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

I was engaged at 19, was deeply in love. It all fell apart. I did not date for seven years after that. I am not sure if I was bitter. I was deeply fearful of the pain others could bring into my being. I am still deeply frightened of that.

I am content and I am not content. I am content that I am safe, but I am discontent that I am lonely most of the time.


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## Zilli (Apr 1, 2012)

Actually, I should clarify that comment I made about not having any problems learning how NOT to be a couple.

It really wasn't that easy - when I posted that, I had let the passing years kind of fog my memory.

It wasn't easy. Financially, especially, but in other ways, too.

For instance, about a month and a half after he left, we had a terrible windstorm. I remember being outside with my two little boys (the baby in the house) and desperately trying to fix the door to the pump house before the wind blew it into the next county, and crying, and yelling into the wind, "It wasn't supposed to be like this!"

I tend to forget about how tough it was in those early months, learning how to NOT be a couple or to have a partner to lean on and to depend on in bad times.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

Zilli;5943929 I remember being outside with my two little boys (the baby in the house) and desperately trying to fix the door to the pump house before the wind blew it into the next county said:


> I have had those moments and still do. You are right...it WASN'T supposed to be like this.
> 
> Sorry for your tough times, but you seem to have made it through and become better for it.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

That was for Q too, Shan.

I was 1/2 way through 33 when I got married(and come to think of it, so was my bro). I would still be married if he hadn't changed so drastically(depression). Now that he's out of the picture, I don't realistically see me getting married again. I wouldn't mind being in a LTR as long as we each had our own space/place.


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## Zilli (Apr 1, 2012)

shanzone2001 said:


> I have had those moments and still do. You are right...it WASN'T supposed to be like this.
> 
> Sorry for your tough times, but you seem to have made it through and become better for it.


I don't know about better, but certainly more independent. 

And content.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

That sounds sad Zilli.

It makes me sad that people break up the home. I do not know how a dad could just abandon his children and his wife. Even if the romance is dead there can still be a platonic love and a love of doing the what needs to be done. Unless a spouse is to dangerous to live with. Romance is nice but it not everything. Some responsibilities have such a greater importance that serving those responsibilities is more noble then serving romance.


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## Qhorseman (Jul 9, 2010)

I am happy with my life as it is. I don't have to have someone else to make me happy. If I ever found a woman that wished to share a simple life out in the woods, I am open to the relationship. I ain't huntin' for her at this moment in time.


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## Zilli (Apr 1, 2012)

City Bound said:


> That sounds sad Zilli.
> 
> It makes me sad that people break up the home. I do not know how a dad could just abandon his children and his wife. Even if the romance is dead there can still be a platonic love and a love of doing the what needs to be done. Unless a spouse is to dangerous to live with. Romance is nice but it not everything. Some responsibilities have such a greater importance that serving those responsibilities is more noble then serving romance.


That windstorm left us without power for something like five days and he never once checked on us, or at least his children (he had moved to a town about 25 miles away).

And those two little boys who were out there in the wind with me, trying to fix that door, were only five and six years old at the time. They are now 23 and almost 22 and grew up to be capable and responsible young men, both in committed and solid (I believe) relationships.

Anyhoo ----- water under the bridge and all that.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Yeah, sometimes I think sewage under the bridge is more what these times in our lives are like, but that is just me. Maybe it is like Forest Gump said: ______ happens!

Sometimes I say": When it rains it pores, and when it rains, it rains acid rain".


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:donut:

I was 19 ... he was 36.

:donut:


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

City Bound said:


> When it rains it pores, and when it rains, it rains acid rain".


That is because you live too close to New York City!!!!:gaptooth:


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## NoClue (Jan 22, 2007)

I was 25 the first time, and 38 the second time.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

I was 25....a lifetime ago.


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

36. I won't do it again. I will live with someone but won't get married.


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## gaucli (Nov 20, 2008)

I was 21..he was 32.


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## BetsyK in Mich (May 14, 2002)

One month after my 20th birthday and I was pregnant. I have embraced the single life, it's been five years, and have finally settled in a good place. I feel content. The physical/financial part was difficult but doable, I can squeeze a nickle till the buffalo bellows, and I was making all the decisions and doing all the physical/farming stuff anyway. 

It is human nature to want someone to love and share life with. I don't think at this age I would marry again. I am not bitter or angry, have embraced my new life and just to independent I guess. I am open to and willing to explore whatever life brings my way.


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## summerdaze (Jun 11, 2009)

I was 18 the first time, lasted 2 years.
23 the 2nd time, and it lasted 5 years. (Barely made it out alive on this one)
I'm 55 now, and have been single 27 years.


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## ceresone (Oct 7, 2005)

I was 14, first time, Mom and Dad decided I should marry this guy they liked!! 16 years, and 3 daughters later, we divorced. 29 second time, married 46 years till his death 3 months ago.


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## homefire2007 (Sep 21, 2007)

Twenty-three the first time, lasted four years, no children. Thirty-three the second time, two children and seventeen years married till his death. I think the older and longer you've been on your own, the harder it is to think marriage or even a live-in situation. Most of the time I am okay with that, the kids keep me busy. Zilli, huge cyber hug sent your way. I can remember my eleven year old chopping wood and caring for the animals before school, the weight of the world on his shoulders. I never wanted that..ever. He is now 22, works hard and is healthy in every way. We did it! But it was darn hard. Marriage...I just don't know about that.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Ceresone, I heard that around 30 people start to have a wake up call and that around that age alot of divorces happen or at the least the marriage is seriously tested.

I had a major wake up call around that time, but it did not have to do with marriage. It was like the sun set and rose again and I was a new person. That was around the time a compulsive need to garden emurged in me. Through gardening I eventually found homesteading, and then through homesteading I started to find so much more amazing earth based living, then I found what I needed in life.


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## maverickxxx (Jan 25, 2011)

I got date set already the 12 th of never


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

First time, I was 20. 

Second time, about 33 (I can't remember since it lasted a very short time.).

Third time, I was 36 and this one "took". We've been together 34 years.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

Lemme think.... 27 the first time, to someone I'd known since I was 12. A good man but I knew he was not the right one even as I walked down the aisle. Separated amicably when I was 35, officially divorced when I was 42. Remarried when I was 44 but had been in the relationship since age 40. Stayed happily married until he died, when I was 50. Single since then, now age 55.

I'd remarry, but I'd have to be really sure. I think you can have a lot more at risk the older you get. It's no longer a matter of just taking a chance and seeing how it goes -- at least, not with respect to the marriage part. I'd take a chance in a relationship, though. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

I was 33, yep I'd do it again, either not afraid or not too smart...


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## Guest (Jun 8, 2012)

Everything I ever done was either illegal, immoral, or reprehensible. I'm incorrigible. I'd do it all over again. In a heartbeat.


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## Bandit (Oct 5, 2008)

shanzone2001 said:


> That is because you live too close to New York City!!!!:gaptooth:


 Don't You mean New Jersey ? :hammer:


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

25 the first time, lasted 3 years.
31 the second time, lasted 3 years.
36 the last time, lasted 6 years.

The first wife just TOLD me we were getting married, and set the date and everything.

The second said we "had" to get married (not what your thinking, I have no kids).

The third wife, after hearing I never asked anyone to marry me before, said she would say "yes" if I asked but told me she would wait until I asked.

Had two women that "talked" about marriage last year, but stopped dating soon after the second one, so, that takes care of that! WOO-HOO!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I was 19 #1 X was 18


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

Still saving myself for Marriage.:whistlin:


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

First time,I was 19, and so was he. We both changed so much as we matured, and he was not the man I married. However, I'd do it all again, IF I were guaranteed the exact same 2 beautiful daughters he gave me. Last time, I was 49 and Roger was 65. Two months after we got married, Cancer took him from me - robbed me of my husband and my best friend. He CHERISHED me. I don't know if I have the strength or courage to do it again. Too old, I s'pose.


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

WolfWalksSoftly said:


> Still saving myself for Marriage.:whistlin:


That's good; I love it!


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## Guest (Jun 9, 2012)

nehimama said:


> ....................................... I don't know if I have the strength or courage to do it again. Too old, I s'pose.


Unless you're like 400 years old, you're not too old to feel love. Or, loved.


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## naturelover (Jun 6, 2006)

16, 23, 28, 40, 47.

.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

I've found this thread very interesting. Reading through all of the responses, it seems that if one gets married young up into their 20's they're more likely to tie the knot again if something happens to the first marriage.

Those of us that got married in our 30's, while not averse to a relationship, don't seem to be as actively looking. 

It seems to follow the conclusion that my bro and I had.


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

Terri in WV said:


> I've found this thread very interesting. Reading through all of the responses, it seems that if one gets married young up into their 20's they're more likely to tie the knot again if something happens to the first marriage.
> 
> Those of us that got married in our 30's, while not averse to a relationship, don't seem to be as actively looking.
> 
> It seems to follow the conclusion that my bro and I had.



I decided earlier this week that I am actively looking. I have never been a fan of marriage even before I was married. I enjoyed living with boyfriends. The BIG problem has always been that relatives on both sides have never been good with idea. It has always caused stress and problems in relationships. Even the far left liberals, who I thought would be good with situation, were against it and believed I was ruining their boy. A piece of paper doesn't change anything. Oh wait, it does. It brings with it a whole Cinderella suitcase of society's unreal and unobtainable expectations.


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

Raven12 said:


> A piece of paper doesn't change anything. Oh wait, it does. It brings with it a whole Cinderella suitcase of society's unreal and unobtainable expectations.


No, it's just called a Legal Binding Contract. It kind of has limitations huh?


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

WolfWalksSoftly said:


> No, it's just called a Legal Binding Contract. It kind of has limitations huh?


I wouldn't love someone more or less because of a contract. The only change that occurred after my marriage day was that it kept our relatives happy for a few months.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:donut:

I'm not actively looking, but I'm not blind/deaf either ... if that makes sense.

My ears, and eyes, are wide open.

So are my arms, and heart ... for the right man, that is.

:donut:


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

I am speaking for myself here, but when a man asks a woman to be his wife, he is saying to her and the world that he loves her and wants to be committed to her. 
Sure, you don't need that "piece of paper," but after living with a man for a long period of time, I imagine most women (myself included) wonder why you aren't good enough to take his name and be his wife.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:kiss:

That's RIGHT.

:kiss:


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

Raven12 said:


> I wouldn't love someone more or less because of a contract. The only change that occurred after my marriage day was that it kept our relatives happy for a few months.


My hubs and I lived together for over a year before we got married. The vows definitely made the relatives happier, much more so than me! I was content with the living arrangements the way they were. He really changed after the I do's, it was almost like he thought, I have her hooked now, I don't have to do anything else. And he didn't...


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

HOWEVER...that "piece of paper" does not make a man a husband...it just makes him married. BIG difference!!!


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

Nor does "that piece of paper" make a woman a Wife.


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

I would rather be a Husband..


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

glazed said:


> Nor does it make a woman a Wife.


Yes, it goes both ways....


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

WolfWalksSoftly said:


> I would rather be a Husband..


I think we have already established that you are a man, Mr. Wolf!!!:icecream:


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

shanzone2001 said:


> I think we have already established that you are a man, Mr. Wolf!!!:icecream:


Am glad we got that cleared up


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

shanzone2001 said:


> I am speaking for myself here, but when a man asks a woman to be his wife, he is saying to her and the world that he loves her and wants to be committed to her.
> Sure, you don't need that "piece of paper," but after living with a man for a long period of time, I imagine most women (myself included) wonder why you aren't good enough to take his name and be his wife.


I swear sometimes that I don't think I'm female. The parts are there to prove it, but I guess I don't see things as most women.:shrug:

I see long term living together more as you are both comfortable and trusting enough that you don't need that piece of paper. And why the need to take his name? I like mine just fine.


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## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

I was just shy of 24, she was 19. Divorced when she was 51 and I was just short of 56. Been 6 years divorced. Had a gf for about 5 of those years, when I broke legs and they diagnosed the chronic leukemia last April, she wasn't long left around for sure.

Ex and her partner had a commitment ceremony about 2 years ago, gay marriage not being a real thing in Texas.

I'm likely not to marry again.

Ed


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## MoTightwad (Sep 6, 2011)

We were both 19 when we married and are still together 58years later. I would do it all over again and even tho we have had several medical problems we have worked them out and paid the bills and went on to own our own farm. Have 4 childred of our own and adopted a daughter when she was 11. Guess we are either different or something. We are retired and love each other more now then when we married. Good luck to those of you that are married and to those who arent.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I think everyone here is old enough to know that when you live with someone you have entered a common law marriage. It isn't much different from the ones with paper legally. 
22 and 40 for the ones where I took an oath.


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

Terri in WV said:


> I swear sometimes that I don't think I'm female. The parts are there to prove it, but I guess I don't see things as most women.:shrug:
> 
> I see long term living together more as you are both comfortable and trusting enough that you don't need that piece of paper. And why the need to take his name? I like mine just fine.


I am also curious about why the name change important. I didn't see the need to take his name. He felt like it didn't show that I loved him. I did it several months after our marriage because that was what he wanted.


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

vicker said:


> I think everyone here is old enough to know that when you live with someone you have entered a common law marriage. It isn't much different from the ones with paper legally.


But it isn't recognised in all States. When it comes to Survivor Benifits and the like.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

Common Law Marriage does not exist here in CA.

As far as the name change, with DH #1 I took his name because we wanted to have children (we had 2 together) so I wanted us to all have the same name.

Husband #2 and I separated before I had a chance to change my name.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

Terri in WV said:


> And why the need to take his name? I like mine just fine.


My luck, Iâll fall in love with a man whose last name is Ban. Or Dar. Or Gun. Or Dio. Or Gae.

Which would make me either Rae Ban, Rae Dar, Rae Gun, Rae Dio or Rae Gae.

And then if I got divorced, Iâd end up an X-Rae.

(shudder)


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

I can relate with Emilio's Character



[YOUTUBE]T34tr2K-bIc[/YOUTUBE]


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

WolfWalksSoftly said:


> But it isn't recognised in all States. When it comes to Survivor Benifits and the like.


So one should think about getting married because of the survivor benefits?

Not saying that this isn't a valid reason. In hind sight, it was a good thing that I married just because of this and what happened, but I sure didn't go into the marriage looking at those kinds of benefits.


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

Terri in WV said:


> So one should think about getting married because of the survivor benefits?


No, one gets married because of mutual compatibility and love. And, because one wants to to be with that person all the time, to share life together as one.
With marriage, 1 and 1 shouldn't equal 2. It should equal 1.... same goals, same ambitions. It also doesn't mean that each person can't have other interests and follow them..as long as it doesn't include cheating.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I've learned something. My definition of a common law marriage was wrong. However, if you live with someone, each person has certain rights, property rights for instance, and an expectation of support. If you live with someone and end it, they can expect child support from you and , if pursued, will likely get it. Whether the children are from that relationship or not, unless they are receiving support from another individual. My point is that living with someone is not far removed from being legally married to them.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

I would have to explore the legal advantages of a paper marriage and a non-paper marriage. If we could pay less taxes not being on paper, then there would be no paper.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:donut:

I don't care anymore what "man" thinks ... I don't need to be "married" in the eyes of man to be bound in the eyes of God.

:donut:


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

City Bound said:


> I would have to explore the legal advantages of a paper marriage and a non-paper marriage. If we could pay less taxes not being on paper, then there would be no paper.


That would be my least consideration or concern..lol


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

I kind of feel like I do not want their paper work. I do not feel like I am part of their world. I just feel like a gypsy living in the cracks in their society. I want to stay in the cracks.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

18 ... the first time!

21 .. the second. Still hadn't learned my lesson! ound:


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## Shygal (May 26, 2003)

19.......stayed married for 23 years. Not actively looking, and whether I want to be in a relationship or not, depends on the day you ask me :shrug: I don't know what I want.


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## SilverFlame819 (Aug 24, 2010)

31 here, never been married... :shrug:



City Bound said:


> Ceresone, I heard that around 30 people start to have a wake up call and that around that age alot of divorces happen or at the least the marriage is seriously tested.


Well, it's a good thing I'm past the cold feet stage... Now I just have to find someone to settle down with! 



glazed said:


> :donut:
> 
> I'm not actively looking, but I'm not blind/deaf either ... if that makes sense.
> 
> ...


Ditto. For sure. I'm so used to "not looking" though that I really hope I don't let him waltz into my life and right back out because I just didn't see the potential.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:donut:

I hope so, too, my friend.

Maybe you need to change your mindset just a little? Maybe try to look at men the way they look at us: they ALL are a possibility ... they ALL have potential.

And, then, after that, go with the flow with a smile on your face, and a warm heart.

The right one WILL come along at the right time for both.

:donut:


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## SilverFlame819 (Aug 24, 2010)

That's pretty much how I look at them...

Lately though, I think I may be starting to look at them more like a wolf looks at Little Red Riding Hood... *lol* A little hungry, a little glint in the eye... :hysterical:


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## Guest (Jun 10, 2012)

Shygal said:


> .............. Not actively looking, and whether I want to be in a relationship or not, depends on the day you ask me :shrug: I don't know what I want.


Knowing, understanding, and being honest about the "I don't know" part is a whole lot better than believing you want something that you don't. I guess that's a convoluted sounding thought, but its like this: it's a lot better to realize you're not ready for dinner yet than it is to waste a huge plate of food, and insult your momma's cooking. (Or whoever the cook was). OR, to go out pulling stumps then realize that you really wish you'd had breakfast.


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

The other downside is that the sex is ruined by marriage. It's like...ok, your locked in now...I've got a headache.


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## NewGround (Dec 19, 2010)

Gee, the more I read this thread the more I realize how bad marriage is... I mean if this is your only reference point, run for the hills...

~backs out slowly~


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

Marriage isn't the issue..It's how people treat the one they married...not a new concept.


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

My X let me down, marriage did not... actively looking, but not OVERactively.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Silver, how can you "not look" for so long? I may not be looking but that pesky sexual attraction has me looking all over the place almost all the time. I wish I could shut the sexual attraction off, then I would get some peace of mind.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Raven12 said:


> The other downside is that the sex is ruined by marriage. It's like...ok, your locked in now...I've got a headache.


Seriously? So, that is why some women get headaches, hmmm.

I think that in a loving marriage the sex would just get better and better as time goes on. it would become more personal and deep.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:donut:

Sex is good for headaches.

:donut:


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## Guest (Jun 10, 2012)

Move the head of the bed away from the wall, that won't happen any more.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

I have been friends with men, that I was not sexually attractive too. But then found them sexually attractive later because of our friendship, compatabilities, laughter...I could tell them anything. But I always missed my shot with them because it took me too long to see it.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

Fowler said:


> I have been friends with men, that I was not sexually attractive too. But then found them sexually attractive later because of our friendship, compatabilities, laughter...I could tell them anything. But I always missed my shot with them because it took me too long to see it.


That's happened to me more than once. I've also had men fall in love with me who never thought they would in a million years.

It's why I think dating sites are kind of a joke. No way you can discover if you have chemistry from a picture and a resume. Falling in love is so much more than how we look. 

Lust, on the other hand....


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

City Bound said:


> I think that in a loving marriage the sex would just get better and better as time goes on. it would become more personal and deep.


You would think. I guess asking for sex 3 times a day was pushing it a little.


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

zong said:


> Move the head of the bed away from the wall, that won't happen any more.


Or get a padded headboard--the original "safe sex"


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:donut:

Pftt, just fall back onto the width of the bed and go from there ... don't always have to be the length of the bed.

Or, just, maybe, find other places to do it ... don't ALWAYS have to be a bed.

:donut:


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

That doesn't work either... then you end up chasing your partner and the mattress across the room!

Maybe one of those funky safety helmets would work?


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

I don't get it ... I don't get how "what" doesn't work?



but maybe I don't need to get it.


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

Terri in WV said:


> Reading the "no one around" thread has me wondering, at what age did you first get married?


Was married at 24, been single since Sept of 03. It hurt like, a SOB at first! THe changes and growth that happened because of it have been very good for me...just took time for me to realize!


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## SilverFlame819 (Aug 24, 2010)

City Bound said:


> Silver, how can you "not look" for so long? I may not be looking but that pesky sexual attraction has me looking all over the place almost all the time. I wish I could shut the sexual attraction off, then I would get some peace of mind.


Shut the sexual attraction off? *roflmao* Uh, I don't think that's possible. Men are beautiful creatures, and I live in a neighborhood currently that has a whooooooole lot of eye candy. Meow. Seriously. For me that's all it is though, visual appreciation. I can appreciate the view and lick my lips or growl over it (or even think inappropriate thoughts), but I just don't ever consider that it can be anything more than that. After so long, it's just second nature... I'm 31, and haven't met anyone who is interested in seriously dating me thus far, so I just put my money on inertia, and assume that my life will continue this way until I stumble upon the right dude. (No, guys wanting to hang out and be my friend or, on the complete reserve side, just want to engage in extracurricular activities with me, are NOT the same as guys who have a real interest in me!)



Raven12 said:


> The other downside is that the sex is ruined by marriage. It's like...ok, your locked in now...I've got a headache.


Ouch. This... is not making marriage sound appealing. I've never understood the "I've got a headache" thing. Why don't people just say why they're not up for it?



Fowler said:


> I have been friends with men, that I was not sexually attractive too. But then found them sexually attractive later because of our friendship, compatabilities, laughter...


This always happens to me too. In fact, I'm willing to bet that it happens to everyone. People you don't think are hot start becoming more and more attractive when you get to know them. On the other hand - people who are drop-dead gorgeous become repulsive once you get to know them, if they have crappy personalities. No amount of physically attractive makes an ugly person appealing.



Raven12 said:


> You would think. I guess asking for sex 3 times a day was pushing it a little.


I know a guy who would like it 10x/day. Hmmmm, weird that he's single, huh?


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

(to paraphrase), Some people that dont seem attrctive, in time, become so even to the point of sexuality just by their winning ways, l;augh, funniness, ect. Nother reason I dont try to engage in just conversation with somebody. IF I do, like at the sale, I make sure that, OR TRY To, that I can walk away after makeing a woman laugh. I ddonty want to stick around to find she has a funniness, or is delightful, or just easy to be with. 
I just want to be in their space for a bit, make them laugh and then leave.
Every since I was a kid ive considered myself to be like the moth. I like to get close as possible to the flame butr want to get away. I got burned 3 times. I stay further away from the flames, there not near as bright The intensity isnt there anymore. Just a dull flicker.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

...

I love the analogy, but it is sad to me.

...


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Yeah, eye candy is nice but it gives me brain cavities.


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

19 the first time...lasted 6 years and three children...36 the second time lasted 18 years and no children....for the past few years I really couldn't even imagine another marriage...figured all men my age were the same...they seem to want some pretty young thing....I really hesitate to even be open to looking....I figure I'll just be rejected anyway, so what's the point...I wasn't looking when I met the second one..it just happened...there were good times but the bad out-weighed the good...he cheated, I recovered and I have to wonder at my age "why try again?" I guess I have just lost faith in the remote "possibility" of finding someone compatible...so why try...


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

LOL CB, AND theyll rot out the fillings in youir wallet lol


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