# Is there anything wrong with.................



## Cornhusker (Mar 20, 2003)

Is there anything wrong with a man and a woman being just friends?
Is it inappropriate or is it ok? 
Hypothetically, an old man with a face like a potato and an attractive woman some 20 years younger are friends and neighbors.
No romantic stuff, not even a hug or handshake has occurred, just an occasional helping hand, some venting, counseling, etc.
Nothing too personal though, just general stuff.
I've been told this is unseemly behavior
Any opinions?


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## simi-steading (Sep 27, 2012)

You got a strange way old fashioned friend if they told you that... 

Men and women have been platonic friends for years and years..


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

Folks who think its "unseemly" worry me.

I have several female friends.

Of course, i kinda like being "unseemly"!


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

If she is good looking then most likely it is not good. He will say she is just a friend, but from my experience, men are men and will have "thoughts" whether they want to or not. Best to just avoid the temptation all together.
Same goes with woman having men friends.


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## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

I got a woman friend that I used to teach with. We talk almost daily. go out to eat now and then. Another is my best friend's widow, standing joke is she is my step-wife. We go out to eat and talk regularly. Her kids think of me as an uncle. Another lady I went to high school with. We talk regularly and sometimes hit estate/garage sales together. NOthing romantic in any way.


As far as umseemly, I quit givin a care to that a long time ago. People gonna find something to carry on about anyway. Shanzone, sometimes it may lead to something, sometimes not. Ask Zong what he thinks about that.

So, no corny, nothing wrong at all !

Ed


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

shanzone2001 said:


> If she is good looking then most likely it is not good. He will say she is just a friend, but from my experience, men are men and will have "thoughts" whether they want to or not. Best to just avoid the temptation all together.
> Same goes with woman having men friends.




What's wrong with having "thoughts".

Jeesh i can have thoughts even if i am not friends with them, doesn't mean i will act on them.

Beck, its my opinion a good friend is never a bad thing.

They come along too rarely.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

i have had a platonic male friend for over 40 years. there has never been a whisper of anything "unseemly" between us. ~Georgia.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

I guess if you think having thoughts is ok between friends. I don't have those kind of "thoughts" about my women or men friends. I think that is weird.

Yeah, good friends are special and they are definitely few and far between. Once you have thoughts about being intimate with your "good" friends it is time to re-evaluate the friendship.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

newfieannie said:


> i have had a platonic male friend for over 40 years. there has never been a whisper of anything "unseemly" between us. ~Georgia.


I think that is wonderful. I never said it wasn't possible, just not as common as folks like to believe.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

I've had a male friend for 30 some odd years and I am VERY thankful to have had him for a friend.

Mon


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## BetsyK in Mich (May 14, 2002)

I have several male friends, one of which is my exhusband. I appreciate them every day. It seems I have a lot more in common with men than women and can carry on a conversation with the guys for hours. Women, not so much, not to many my age are interested in farming, fishing, hunting, etc. and I'm not interested in the Red Hat's society, etc.

My sister has a male friend for 50+ years, they keep track of each other and go do things together but prefer not to live together. I wonder if this isn't a trend in folks over 50. Most older women don't want to be a wife again but enjoy the company of a nice man. So be it. Enjoy your friendship, anyway, don't the best relationships begin with being friends? Of course, if either of you are feeling "something" might want to talk it over.


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

shanzone2001 said:


> I guess if you think having thoughts is ok between friends. I don't have those kind of "thoughts" about my women or men friends. I think that is weird.
> 
> Yeah, good friends are special and they are definitely few and far between. Once you have thoughts about being intimate with your "good" friends it is time to re-evaluate the friendship.


Heck we are human. Those thoughts go away after awhile.

I believe just like the convo about guys asking women out, that ground rules should be set early on. These are usually set by the women, but not always.


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## starjj (May 2, 2005)

Wouldn't say unseemly BUT if is or could be a dangerous situation. As in potato faced older man starts seeing her in a more than just a friend way or she starts seeing him in said way. Hey never mind it could work out after all. Just know that 20 years is a LOT of age difference. I have to wonder what she sees in the situation. Me thinks she is seeing more than friends.


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## SugarMag (Jun 30, 2011)

Any one have sibs? Aren't they opposite sex friends? That would gross you out to the moon if "thoughts" occurred? 
I was always a tomboy with mostly male friends and five brothers.
Nothing wrong with it.


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## Cornhusker (Mar 20, 2003)

starjj said:


> Wouldn't say unseemly BUT if is or could be a dangerous situation. As in potato faced older man starts seeing her in a more than just a friend way or she starts seeing him in said way. Hey never mind it could work out after all. Just know that 20 years is a LOT of age difference. I have to wonder what she sees in the situation. Me thinks she is seeing more than friends.


What would a young woman see in an older man?
Personally, I wouldn't be interested in a woman 20 years older


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## lazyBum (Feb 27, 2012)

shanzone2001 said:


> If she is good looking then most likely it is not good. He will say she is just a friend, but from my experience, men are men and will have "thoughts" whether they want to or not. Best to just avoid the temptation all together.
> Same goes with woman having men friends.


I've had feelings and "thoughts" about all of my woman friends. They are obviously great people if they are my friends, so why wouldn't there be some sort of attraction. I've never acted on my feelings though. I knew they only wanted to be friends and didn't want to jeopardize that.


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## tiffnzacsmom (Jan 26, 2006)

Most of my longest, truest friends are guys I don't know what I'd do without them. Some have had thoughts and actions but not all.


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## swamp man (Dec 25, 2005)

Great thread, interesting question.
I don't find it odd or inappropriate. Why should I or anyone else deny friendship over age, gender, creed, etc? True friendship is golden and to be embraced.


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## I_don't_know (Sep 28, 2012)

mickm said:


> What's wrong with having "thoughts".
> 
> Jeesh i can have thoughts even if i am not friends with them, doesn't mean i will act on them.
> 
> ...


Study has shown that a man will, on average, think of sex once every 7 seconds. It is the nature of the beast. The thing is we, both sexes, are supposed to rise above the beast. It is called being civilized. 
I have an older gentlemen friend he is a great council to me, a solder to cry on. I have helped him on different projects, just light labor. Because the relation is platonic we can talk more freely; sex does not get in the way.


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

I wouldn't let what anyone else thinks deter me from a friendship or whatever it could lead into? I for one single male, do have a hard time with controlling thoughts especially, with attractive friends of the opposite sex.

Shucks! Some of my greatest conversations have occured with ladies much younger. It happened when I said hi, and they said hi back.


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## no1cowboy (May 2, 2004)

enjoy your friendship, _just watch for any crazy cousins! _


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

Cornhusker said:


> What would a young woman see in an older man?
> Personally, I wouldn't be interested in a woman 20 years older


There are quite a few women that prefer to date older men. My hubs was 11 years older than I. Thinking back, I don't believe I've ever dated anyone younger than me.

I think it's not just you personally, but most men, in general, wouldn't be interested in dating a woman 20 years older. On the other hand, society has seen time and again, men dating/marrying 20+ years younger. That may be why some see it as unseemly behavior.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I guess you should ask yourself if it would be ok if your wife had a male friend. They could hang out, help each other out in hard times, you know just lend support and laugh. Oh the good times they could have. It would be healthy.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

What someone else thinks has no bearing on the subject, if you are single. If you are married, or in a relationship, you have others to think of. It should concern you greatly if your actions cause your mate to lose face in any way. Appearances do matter.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Cornhusker said:


> Is there anything wrong with a man and a woman being just friends?
> Is it inappropriate or is it ok?
> Hypothetically, an old man with a face like a potato and an attractive woman some 20 years younger are friends and neighbors.
> No romantic stuff, not even a hug or handshake has occurred, just an occasional helping hand, some venting, counseling, etc.
> ...


My opinion is this:
If the man is single *AND* the woman is single, no....it is not inappropriate.

Statistics prove that 'romantic affairs' being when two people start out as friends, just talking, laughing, sharing a vent, lending an ear or a helping hand.
One thing leads to another then WHAMO.

Physical attractiveness or age gaps matter ZERO....Z E R O when one or both parties 'spark'.

I know there a people on the planet who can maintain opposite sex friendships and nothing ever comes from them. 
I am that gal. 
ALL of my friends (except 1) were men. I didn't sleep with any of them or even THINK of them that way. 
That would have been like makin' out with my brother......ewwwwwwww.
But out of respect for my husband, I let those friendships go.
((Stupid arce me. He didn't have the same respect for me and I busted him 8 months into his affair with a co-worker that 'was just a friend'))

I personally find it inappropriate for married people to have opposite sex friends.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> I know there a people on the planet who can maintain opposite sex friendships and nothing ever comes from them. I am that gal.


A year ago, I would have agreed, and pointed out that I had a great longtime friendship that was totally platonic. 

Except ... now I'm living with him. Whoops! ound:

I think I learned a lesson, though -- no more guy friends for this girl! Maybe some people can pull it off, and that's great, but I seem to have trouble with boundaries and poor impulse control. I'm happy with what I have now, and don't want to mess it up. :ashamed:

But I see nothing wrong with the situation Cornhusker describes, especially if both parties are single. Heck, could be the start of something great! You go for it, buddy.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

I think if you lead your life *expressly* for the approval of others, you are not living at all.

Mon


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## Dutchie (Mar 14, 2003)

Cornhusker said:


> What would a young woman see in an older man?
> Personally, I wouldn't be interested in a woman 20 years older


Frequently women prefer older men because they are more mature and settled. I prefer men a bit older than myself.

You and I have been friends for quite a few years. I don't think there has ever been any romantic notion between us.


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## fordy (Sep 13, 2003)

Cornhusker said:


> Is there anything wrong with a man and a woman being just friends?
> Is it inappropriate or is it ok?
> Hypothetically, an old man with a face like a potato and an attractive woman some 20 years younger are friends and neighbors.
> No romantic stuff, not even a hug or handshake has occurred, just an occasional helping hand, some venting, counseling, etc.
> ...


.................If a man told you that , He , is probably just wanting to step into your shoes ! If a woman said such , I'd say don't judge the book by the cover ! , fordy:cowboy:


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

I believe women can do this - have male friends that they are not sexually attracted to. In fact, that is the kind of men that women want as friends.

On the other hand, men friends and family members have said there is no such animal in a man's world. They have men for friends if they want friends. If they are friends with a woman, it is due to an attraction issue, with someone they genuinely like, and are willing to hang around to see if there is any potential there, even for years. I personally experienced this in my younger years, with my best guy friend. In my eyes, we were just best friends, nothing romantic at all. My husband said "He is in love with you" at which I truly scoffed and believed was not truthful, as I surely didn't feel that way. My husband was right. When I was single, this man, around in my life for nearly ten years, admitted that he loved me and wanted more and had patiently waited all of this time. Freaked me right out, as I did not have those kinds of feelings for him. ----ed me off too. I felt like it would be the same if my best female friend suddenly up and said she was in love with me 0_0

I now have male friends, but I now also treat them with kid gloves. I understand that there is more on their side than on mine, and I am careful not to encourage anything, and to keep a different eye on the relationship. If I were to be in a relationship with a man, I'd have to ask him how he felt about me having male friends, and work towards a common agreement.

I fit with men better, we have more to talk about, other than my best female friends. I can't do the fashionista thing, the 'let's bash men' thing or the competitive thing. I don't care about that stuff. 

There are studies that support my thoughts, but each person is different. Do what feels right to you, and if you have a sig other, make sure everyone is on the same page.

Communication, it's a beautiful thing 

~ST


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Cornhusker said:


> Is there anything wrong with a man and a woman being just friends?
> Is it inappropriate or is it ok?
> Hypothetically, an old man with a face like a potato and an attractive woman some 20 years younger are friends and neighbors.
> No romantic stuff, not even a hug or handshake has occurred, just an occasional helping hand, some venting, counseling, etc.
> ...


I don't see anything wrong with the relationship at all. If someone has an issue with that, well, it's their problem, not yours!

As for men having "thoughts" regarding their girl pals...well folks, those girl pals have had those "thoughts" too. That is called human nature.


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

I gotta be honest "loose face" and "inappropriate " are just horse hocky .

People need to lighten up.


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

Nobody should care, if nobody is getting hurt, and friendship doesn't hurt anyone.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

While I would really like to agree with you, the fact remains that if you are in a relationship, it simply isn't your decision to make. If it is hurting them, it is hurting them.


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## SilverFlame819 (Aug 24, 2010)

I'm kind of surprised that people still believe that married folks shouldn't have friends of the opposite sex, and that people in general should not have friends of the opposite sex. 

Most of my friends tend to be guys. I just deal better with chill, straightforward, low-maintenance, WYSIWYG types (which women do not tend to be, for the most part). I would never dream of stepping in on someone else's relationship, and I don't daydream about my male friends being my future husband. Do I think that some of them have characteristics that would make them good husbands? Sure. I think that some of my female friends have characteristics that would make them good wives too, but that doesn't mean I have any interest in marrying them. :S

Also, I just wanted to add, since it's been mentioned... I would NEVER abandon my male friends because I got a SO. That would make as much sense to me as getting rid of my dog because my new man was jealous that I loved the dog. If the man is that insecure, I'd probably be better off finding a new man, and letting him find someone who will coddle his issues.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

From where I sit, absolutely nothing wrong with it. However people abuse it and also some are insecure. Just because Some people cheat on their spouses does not mean all do or will.A man or woman does not become a cheater because they have an opposite sex friend. I don't buy that at all. By the same "reasoning" if I have a friend that becomes addicted to drugs then I will to by being their friend. Some people maybe but not me and not all.

Although I am pretty sure that a large percentage of people these days believe if a person of opposite sex talks to them they think they want to get into their pants. Ridiculous.

I am sure very few here would approve of my relationships but...no one is getting hurt, everyone knows what is going on and everyone is happy. Which is more than can be said for many traditional relationships.

No need to make everything so complicated with what if's....or its only ok if the woman is ugly. What freaking nonsense.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

My first wife became great friends with my sister's husband. I had no problem with that, but didn't think they should be spending time alone. I got chastised and felt that maybe I was being unrealistic and maybe jealous. Imagine my position when, years later, I discovered that he was my son's father. 
My second wife had a bisexual history, so what?, should I deny her all friends? No. I trusted her. That is your duty as a mate. Another duty as a mate is to not make your mate question their fidelity to you, or yours to them. If you like not having to consider that, perhaps being single is for you.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

If you will but listen, Willow_girl is speaking.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

vicker said:


> My first wife became great friends with my sister's husband. I had no problem with that, but didn't think they should be spending time alone. I got chastised and felt that maybe I was being unrealistic and maybe jealous. Imagine my position when, years later, I discovered that he was my son's father.


Believe me, I understand your position. Which is why I feel confident in mine. I have been married. My husband had female friends and often they went off and did things. I did not get that "stop seeing her" feeling with all of them. And I was correct each time in the woman's intentions when I got that feeling. That was not "just jealousy" or "insecurity" on my part...that was...that knowing or feeling. However, it was not with every one that I got that feeling with but it was correct each time.

Although the people he ended up sleeping with were none of his friends. Not even the ones I got the hinky feelings about.

So...in my mind, you never can tell...HOWEVER...if you get that hinky feeling you are probably right...but then again...if that hinky feeling isn't the real hinky feeling and you are just jealous without reason...well.

Maybe that only makes sense to me. My hinky feeling meter still works. It has worked with my friends (male and female), lovers, boyfriends, my kid...and people in general. When something is off you can tell. But being just out of hand jealous of everyone without that part is not the same.

I don't know that having an opposite sex friend should automatically make you question someone's fidelity. I truly believe it is the individual, most things (decisions) are the decision of an individual, not a gender or class or circumstance solely.

My last long term relationship women would very literally throw themselves at him. He had several female friends, he never cheated on me, I never got jealous, I trusted him and he proved my "hinky meter" right...never had a reason to doubt his honesty or his fidelity. There were some other things though LOL


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I was very surprised to find that I am not an overly jealous person. And, I agree with you but, if you love your partner, you will not put them in that position. I mean, if they have a problem with it then that is all you need know. I've been on all sides of this debate. It is not your decision. It is up to your lover. 
That said, this is one if those old time mores that is old for a reason.


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

You know what? If you are married or in a relationship, you just never expose yourself to the possibilities presented with a friend of the opposite sex. 

I've never cheated, but the more you are around someone you are attracted to, even as a OS friend, the more possibilities exist. You owe your honesty to your mate. Those chances should never be taken! Just my opinion.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Vicker, maybe. I dunno. Maybe what I have experienced is rare....I've experienced both sides or actually all four sides of this coin and to me...well...we know my opinion still.

I agree that if there is a partner they need to be taken into consideration, however, also that needs to be taken with a grain. To me there isn't necessarily a hard and fast rule because sometimes even the people we love are nonsensical. 

I have a friend who...if he talks to me and happens to walk into the bathroom...it's not okay according to the woman in his life. He can talk to me in the bedroom, living room or kitchen..but if he walks into the bathroom to wash his hands and happens to be on the phone with me, craziness ensues...because I am a single woman and a man should not talk to a single woman if he's in the bathroom.

So I guess he's supposed to either stop talking to me or stop using the bathroom.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

come on now. What can be going on in the bathroom.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

FarmboyBill said:


> come on now. What can be going on in the bathroom.


Apparently worse things with the door open than in the bedroom, according to what I understand about it.

Hotbeds of action, bathrooms, especially with only one person in it and the other one talking about programming computers.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

My second wife had friends of both sexes, and I had a problem with none of them. I was surprised, as I thought I would be jealous, from my past experiences. As far as I know she was faithful to me, and I have never had any reason to think otherwise. My point is that it is not your decision. If your partner has a problem with it, that is more than enough, and all of history will back your partner up.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I've been on all sides of this too  it has lots of sides.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

I guess that's why I will remain single, Vicker. If my mate or would be mate insisted I stopped being friends with my friends, some that I have known since 4 years old because they had an unfounded fear that I would suddenly sleep with them when I haven't for the last 34 years.....I would not be able to deal with something like that.

You should not be asked to give up all of your relationships for just one...unless they truly would interfere with it. Again...my opinion.

My ex-husband tried to pull that. I was not "allowed" friends and he eventually tried to keep me from my family. Not happenin.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I have had a one or two friends that I would have remained true to regardless. But those are rare.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

littlejoe said:


> You know what? If you are married or in a relationship, you just never expose yourself to the possibilities presented with a friend of the opposite sex.
> 
> I've never cheated, but the more you are around someone you are attracted to, even as a OS friend, the more possibilities exist. You owe your honesty to your mate. Those chances should never be taken! Just my opinion.


 
Well said.:thumb:


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Whynot, Now, you know that is not what I'm talking about.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I am, at this actual time, sitting across the room from a snoring man who's ex wife I loved from the time I met her when she was 13. She baby sat my kids, and I saved her life. We became great friends, she and I. And that put great strain on the friendship of he and I, because i would sacrifice him in a second for her. It has taken many years for him to understand that. Our lives are dynamic. Ain't it?


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Oh I know Vicker, but as you said...there are many sides. Again, I am a person that doesn't deal much in absolutes. Why? Because I have seen most things have exceptions. People who are extremely black and white in their thinking are the ones I steer away the most from because there is no consideration for extremism or circumstance.

I am black and white strict on several things...but I still think whether or not it is "appropriate" for people of opposite genders to be friends is not a black and white thing. It's an individual thing. 

Cheaters cheat...they are going to whether it is dangling in their face or not. If they cheat because it is, in my mind, it was just a matter of time whether it was there or not. Because if they aren't going to cheat...it doesn't matter who is hanging their what nots in their face...they won't.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

If it ain't there, they'll find it.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

vicker said:


> If it ain't there, they'll find it.


Exactly what I am saying. If they are going to cheat, they will whether they spend time with the person first as friends or not.

I would like to think...and perhaps it is a fools errand... that if a person is committed then you should not have to worry about them spending time because they WILL NOT cheat. I have experienced a man...now two...but anyway... that WILL NOT no matter how much time he spends with another woman and no matter what the woman are purposely are flaunting (if they are). So I know there is actual true devotion existing in the world.

I have to say that if the presence of another woman is THAT MUCH of an enticement that they just "can't" stop themselves...the problem isn't the other woman (or other man, etc). It's them.

**of course there are going to be people that just end up wanting to mess with everyone and those people probably should be sequestered in a box because they have a problem...or go to a Sex Anonymous meeting or something


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

LOL I just had a thought. And, it's my twisted sense of humor. But I am giggling my pattoot off right now with this thought.

The thought is...we talk a lot in this section about relationships and love and feelings....

What I am thinking is humorous right now is that people will say that love is some out of no where bolt of lightening, something that cannot be replicated and that it is so far and few between and that you have to have sparks an click in the first five minutes and if you don't then its not "real"..........

...and then we have people saying...hey, if your guy has a female friend you better squash that because over time they will develop feelings for each other and sleep together and run off all in love.............

..........so...which is it? Some undeniable sudden flash thing that is totally uncontrollable and if you don't feel it in the first five minutes you never will with that person.....

...or is it developing over a span of time?


...My answer (of course)...depends on the individuals...there is no book of law concerning love. Love just is. It comes in all ways and shapes and forms and legal documents and agreements and whatever else. there is no "real" love... or "true" love...because it ALL IS REAL AND TRUE.

...and....onto beer number 4. Yes that's right. Alcohol and the internet...another "should not do" that I am doing. I'm so naughty  hee hee


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

You have to trust them. That is your job (wrong word, but I can't think of a better one). Their job is to make you not regret it. And I stand, if they don't like your friendship.........


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I'm drinking Jim Beam


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

A wise person doesn't walk the fields thrusting a lightning rod at the heavens.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

I am very fortunate (and prolly you all as well) that tonight is a Heineken (and a little Guinness) night LMAO

Cheers Vicker!:buds:


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Cheers  (pointing lightning rod at the ground)


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

I'm a single woman. You should not be speaking about your rod like that in my presence, the ladies in the church knitting circle are going to start to talk and think I'm a hussy.

Dang you.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

It is not my responsibility, nor do I care what the church knitting ladies think of my lightning rod, or of their opinions as to where I may point it.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

vicker said:


> A wise person doesn't walk the fields thrusting a lightning rod at the heavens.


I'd like permission to quote myself on this.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

hahaha!

Oh and I am sharing this and not even asking permission. (that's what wanton single ladies do, BTW) LMAO



vicker said:


> nor do I care what the church knitting ladies think of my lightning rod, or of their opinions as to where I may point it.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Hussie.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Why did the OP not post the question on Countryside Families, GC, or SEP?


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I'm going to suggest that he did it because he is a lecherous old man, and predict that he won't respond, because he doesn't care what others say about him.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

LOL hmmm... Beam is doin ya good, huh? Exactly why I stuck to beer....you're starting to sound like me LMAO!!!!!!!!

Nah he probably wanted opinions.

I'm friends with lots of lechero....I mean nice, older gentlemen. That honestly never made a move...and I don't give a rat's behind if they have had "thoughts" because they are respectful and we have a good time telling jokes and laughing and talking and I won't share my "thoughts" (if any) because...I really am not a hussie no matter what you and your granny think of me and my knee high skirts and obviously prostitute-like hair style.

(what?) Yeah I dunno either..go with it...go with it LMAO


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

My grannies are both dead


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

At least one of them would have liked you 
If he wanted an honest opinion he would have asked somewhere else. He wants confirmation.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

vicker said:


> At least one of them would have liked you


And not the good one.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Oh Lordy. Y'all are making me make me laugh!!


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

lol "ya'll"? It's just me. One. 

What you mean not the good one? You have a naughty granny? What does this mean? I spose I'm going to heck in a handbasket? I got that beat....LOOOOONG time ago...when I was 18 months old I got thrown out of church for being possessed.

So it's been a fun and wild ride since then...not stopping...I'll let the devil and god fight over me when I'm dead.:catfight:


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

You've only gotten bigger. :*


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

LOL I think you must have hit the bottom of your bottle dude....I actually lost two sizes and have to go pants shopping tomorrow...so...I dunno what you are talking about, Willis.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I'm sipping and have a long way to go. You are surely bigger than when you were 18 mo. I don't have a basket that big, but I'm thinking wheel barrow sized. (No offense). You are way passed tossing in the river. You are at the hauling and dumping stage. ;D


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

oh hahaha! Well...as BIG as I am...I know at least one man that can and does pick me up and potato sack me...but he doesn't want to get rid of me in the river....possessed or not LOL we going to heck together, I am sure 

heh. I'm the kind of job they build Marines for. (inside joke..but not really LOL Laura knows what I am talkin about)


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

You are obviously the kind of person (woman) that at least one of my grandmothers warned me about. Which makes you very in enticing indeed : D


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

hahahaha! I almost spit my coffee out, that's funny. Good morning! Hope everyone's night went well.  

Started waiting the coffee counter when I was 10 at the parent's restaurants once in a while (no babysitters) on weekends.....I pretty much blame that as the beginning of my b.s. engagement with men. Learned from the best, the old coggers bluffin each other over coffee and shooting dice. They would never let me bet a quarter though but always let me keep their money. haha


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

This has become an interesting thread because I just had a conversation about my DGD (25) with her father's girlfriend. This woman can't figure out why DGD has so many guy pals, some of them ex BF's!

it must be in the gene pool because I remember being that way and encouraging my DD, as a teen, to be friends with men. Men can give a completely different kind of friendship to a woman.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

As much as they stay the same, I do think overall things are changing (again) between the genders a little bit.

Everyone at work yesterday was talking about it, I didn't even know about this thread at the time. Often I have worked on crews or been a manager of a crew or team leader and simply because of the industries it's always been with a lot of men. Coffee clutch between my ages of 10 and 18 was always men in the morning at the restaurants...the woodsmen, loggers, old dudes retired and visiting with the ranchers and farmers at 4am, etc. 

We're all just people. The subject at work yesterday....and I work in a company primarily of men, my technician crew so far is all men, etc. The really interesting thing I realized yesterday is this....okay we have people (men) ages 18 up to 48 in this company. Two women....that are just a few years apart. I'm 38 and she's 43.

All of us that are in the office are single. The majority in the field are married and two single guys in the field. The guys in the field, one striking thing they all have in common is either they are married or have girlfriends they live with and are serious.

In the office, where the more...uhm ... nerdy of us live lol most of us either are ruthlessly single and have no interest in even dating OR, we all have one or a couple of ones that we have deep relationships with but are still single.

My sys admin and I were talking yesterday getting to know each other he and I actually "operate" the same way...highly technical, very nerdy about the work...and both have a person or person(s) in our lives that we care deeply for but neither see us actually moving in with another person other than a comfortable roomate. And get this...we're all happy.

I guess this is one of the reasons I get along so well with everyone I work with in the office team...we are all very much alike.

Not sure when it was that I read it but somewhere I read that there are more single people that stay single their whole lives now than people who get married. More people are actively choosing to be single and from what I see out there this seems probably right. It doesn't mean they are alone but more are choosing to stay living alone or not get married even if they have someone they see exclusively for years.


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## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

whew! i glad the mornin got here, you two were scaring me


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Butt, whaddia I know

I think, IF a woman, and ill say, a woman that girates towards the kind of men we have mostly in here, has worked HARD to become a darn good third and forth hand, has worked hard to understand what, how, when, and where that makes a farm,garden,homestead tick, IF she knows she looks sexey, and im pretty you women , even if most of you don't know if you look sexey or not, I believe can tell IF your SO thinks you are, or are not, 
AND, If you are keeping him wore out with sex, and again, I think yiou can tell when hes wanting it, and when hes had enough, 
AND, after all of that, IF she sees him looking at some woman, It might be her clothes or her hair that hes really looking at, RATHER than wondering what sex would be like with her. One way, possibly, to tell, is to ask, hmmmmm, How do you think id look in that (clothes)?, OR ive been thinking of that style for my hair. Whaddia you think? IF he says, I think youd look dang HOT, You got nothing to worry about. IF he says, something like, Well, how do I know, He might be thinking, I don't know, and I don't care. IF SO, THEN, you got problems.

Men, IF you've been working at a good job, and you always come home on time WITHOUG no bar stopping, or on the way home elbow bending, IF you've been faithful to give your SO your check, and then are as knowledgeable as can be about your farm, garden, homestead,, and you happly and gratefully try to please your wife, if and whenever she might want sex, And yet
You see her looking at other men. She might be looking at the clothes hes wearing. OR if he has hair and you don't, you might ask her how shed think youd look clothed as the other guy is, OR IF spending the money for hair growth would be a good idea.
IF she says, she thinks youd sure look sexey in those types of clothes, OR that hair on you would be great, You havnt got too much to worry about. Gittar done.
BUTT, IF shes looking at your mailman, or gas man, or meter reader, then you might have something to worry about. Best thing to do then, Is get a second job, and stash the money away for a going away trip. Don't short her a dime on your main check. Thatll kill it in a heartbeat. Just keep the money from the second.
Get all the sex you can, cause, IF your the above type of man, No other woman will want you anyhow, and ital be a LONG and terribly dry spell before you get it again.

Course, as I said, Whaddia I know lol.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

No offense intended to anyone, Cornhusker in particular.  I was having fun. I may have crossed the line. If so, I do apologize.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

FarmboyBill said:


> Butt, whaddia I know
> 
> I think, IF a woman, and ill say, a woman that girates towards the kind of men we have mostly in here, has worked HARD to become a darn good third and forth hand, has worked hard to understand what, how, when, and where that makes a farm,garden,homestead tick, IF she knows she looks sexey, and im pretty you women , even if most of you don't know if you look sexey or not, I believe can tell IF your SO thinks you are, or are not,
> AND, If you are keeping him wore out with sex, and again, I think yiou can tell when hes wanting it, and when hes had enough,
> ...


Will someone please tell me what the heck he is babbling about!


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Ms. Ardie, I read it but I'm afraid to think about it.


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

What FBB said makes sense to me.


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## Guest (May 5, 2013)

vicker said:


> A wise person doesn't walk the fields thrusting a lightning rod at the heavens.


May I borrow this quote? I REALLY like it !!!!!!!


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

Ardie/WI said:


> Will someone please tell me what the heck he is babbling about!


FBB was answering the OP. 

I understand, the drinking, lightning rods and church ladies distracted you :grin:

~ST


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## Cornhusker (Mar 20, 2003)

Here's what I think
Yes, a man and woman can be friends.
My really good friends have always been women, I don't know why, but sooner or later, women start to think of me as one of the girls
They feel at ease around me, and I feel at ease around them.
What I can't get is why I can't strike up a real relationship with a woman who will stand by me and back me up no matter what, a woman without a bunch of baggage, addictions, phobias, paranoia, etc.
Is there a woman out there who is normal, attractive, loving, not jealous, and did I mention normal?
A woman who wants a guy who is stable, owns property and has insurance?
I'm not a wild man, I don't drink to excess, I don't do drugs, I'm politically conservative and I take care of my family.
My children will always be my first priority.
That doesn't mean I don't have room in my heart for a woman, it just means that I'm a package deal.
You get me, you get my family. She can be part of my family or not, it's up to her.
does that seem abnormal to anybody here?


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> What I am thinking is humorous right now is that people will say that love is some out of no where bolt of lightening, something that cannot be replicated and that it is so far and few between and that you have to have sparks an click in the first five minutes and if you don't then its not "real"..........
> 
> ...and then we have people saying...hey, if your guy has a female friend you better squash that because over time they will develop feelings for each other and sleep together and run off all in love.............
> 
> ...


Sometimes, it's both. 

I knew within a day or two of meeting DBF IRL that he was the man for me. I remember the moment distinctly. He had come over one morning to do some work on the property I'd just purchased here in SWPA. (We had been online acquaintances for years, having met here on HT.) He pulled up in front of my trailer with some loud reggae music blaring in his truck, and got out and started dancing in my driveway. I was ROTFL ...and the thought crossed my mind that "that right there is the man you ought to be spending the rest of your life with."

But he had a longtime girlfriend, and I was engaged to someone else. So I looked at it as a missed connection. I was glad that we could at least be platonic friends and part of each other's lives in some small way ... and we were, for more than five years, until both our life situations changed. And the rest, as they say, is history!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

What DOES seem, as you put it CH ABNORMAL, is your mention of YOUR family, and YOUR a PACKAGE DEAL. I got to wondering. What about HER family. Where do THEY fit in. As shes likely to be younger than you, shes likely to have a younger family than you have. They need to be loved also.
There trusting there mom to a man they don't know, and very likely think that there mom don't know well enough either.


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## Cornhusker (Mar 20, 2003)

FarmboyBill said:


> What DOES seem, as you put it CH ABNORMAL, is your mention of YOUR family, and YOUR a PACKAGE DEAL. I got to wondering. What about HER family. Where do THEY fit in. As shes likely to be younger than you, shes likely to have a younger family than you have. They need to be loved also.
> There trusting there mom to a man they don't know, and very likely think that there mom don't know well enough either.


I didn't say the younger woman thing was about me.
My relationship that recently ended is one where she never accepted me as a package deal, she always tried to be in competition with my kids
With here, it was either or, she would never join in then yell at me for excluding her.
Not gonna go through that insanity again.
Kids are not competition, they are part of me


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

U got me lost. Im talking about your talking about finding a sane normal, whatever that is, woman. U saying that you and your kids are a package deal. Im saying what about a woman and her kids??


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

vicker said:


> A wise person doesn't walk the fields thrusting a lightning rod at the heavens.


[YOUTUBE]8A3M-d_eIqo[/YOUTUBE]


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

Cornhusker said:


> I didn't say the younger woman thing was about me.
> My relationship that recently ended is one where she never accepted me as a package deal, she always tried to be in competition with my kids
> With here, it was either or, she would never join in then yell at me for excluding her.
> Not gonna go through that insanity again.
> Kids are not competition, they are part of me




Yea i have seen that my self, not for long though. 

its a warning flag, if a woman (or a man for you women) doesn't understand a parent's connection to a child.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Yeah.....

My sister broke an engagement with a man because he did not like her son. I mean, how can anybody NOT like a very small child? This was not a whiny child: he was just your standard 5 year old!

So she married somebody else, and her small son now has 3 small daughters. My sister and her husband spend their vacation time visiting his 2 boys and her one boy, though none of them are boys any longer!


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## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

I know exactly what you mean Cornhusker.
Ed


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