# WHAT have you learned from Single Tree....Really



## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

I have learned a lot about what ladies WANT on this "Single Tree" forum. And I would like to thank the ladies here for this. So My question is (be you male or be you female or be you not sure) What profound insights have you garnished from "Single Tree" forum. NOTE: The truth, is appreciated.

Yes, I will chime in with my opinion after the thread get going.


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

I've learned that I really like a lot of the folks here, be you male or be you female. You, too, Sourdough!


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

I'm not sure when I took notice of singletree. Isn't there another "adult" section? What I've learned is we've got a great group of women who share their lives, humor and insight. I've always felt if you can talk, you can work through things. The women here hold up their end of the conversation. Add to that their posts show the experience and moxy that proves they definitely have a clue.


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## homefire2007 (Sep 21, 2007)

I don't think I've learned anything startling or new about how men and women think or what they want. I have made friends and learned none of us are really alone, many of us are in the same boat. I often wonder where folks of old went or if they finally found their other half  Whatever happened to Debarosa, Tall Paul or rascaldaisy?


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

The women here are real stinkers......:lookout:


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Only the names and era change. The topics and issues always come back around with the latest crew of names to face in their way during their era.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:donut:

Truth: Many of the women here are sincerely my friend, my sister.

I am blessed to have them in my life.

:donut:

Truth: I have learned there are a lot of single men here who shouldn't be.

For the life of me, I don't know how/why y'all are.

:donut:


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I guess ive learned more about women without understanding it at the time. I Imagine they, and we are all about the same whether in her or not.
Since I believe women are all about the same in here or not, as same with the men, I can see little or no hope for an improvement in my life, or lifestyle.


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

FarmboyBill said:


> I guess ive learned more about women without understanding it at the time. I Imagine they, and we are all about the same whether in her or not.
> Since I believe women are all about the same in here or not, as same with the men, I can see little or no hope for an improvement in my life, or lifestyle.


:nono::shrug::nono: I am truly happy that I do NOT view life and LADIES the way you do.......


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Good, then hopefully, that gives you a leg up in the picking order. If plucked, U can thank me sooner. lol


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Sourdough said:


> :nono::shrug::nono: I am truly happy that I do NOT view life and LADIES the way you do.......


THAT is worth five stars!

Mon


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

Bill, I understand what you are saying (I think) and it ain't so bad. just the brutal truth. sort of. yes and no. haha!


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

When to hold my peace...


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## Shygal (May 26, 2003)

Ive learned that I dont need someone else to complete myself


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Da Bruder Truit


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

O NO. I think, in a way round about way I said about the sane thing


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## Shygal (May 26, 2003)

FarmboyBill said:


> I guess ive learned more about women without understanding it at the time. I Imagine they, and we are all about the same whether in her or not.
> Since I believe women are all about the same in here or not, as same with the men, I can see little or no hope for an improvement in my life, or lifestyle.


Bill, if you were talking about me , saying the same thing, no way. Because I always see hope for an improvement in my life, not the dreary way you look at life.

Bill, you are what, 65? You have a lot of good years left, stop being an Eeyore and ENJOY them


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:donut:

I am already complete ... silliness, and all ... emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually, spiritually.

What I have learned, from HERE, is that I need ... I WANT ... a big o'strong beast of a Man to complement me.

:donut:


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

glazed said:


> :donut:
> 
> I am already complete ... silliness, and all ... emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually, spiritually.
> 
> ...


Yep! *complement* - not complete! We're (all) already complete!


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## starjj (May 2, 2005)

May not be a popular truth as to what I learned but I learned that most people will complain about not having someone else in their life but they won't change or share their life unless the other person fits perfectly into their opinion of what he or she should be. Not talking about taking less then you deserve either. I am talking about compromises and not having everything your way.


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

I like to look at it as I'm part of a whole, a big cluster-dance, everyone whirling, being passed from man to man(haha)--no really, partners change, some come back, some don't--but yeah, I'm just part of the big collective YAWP of life. The harder I give the better the YAWP.


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

glazed said:


> :donut:
> 
> I am already complete ... silliness, and all ... emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually, spiritually.
> 
> ...


you know what Glazed--just gonna throw this out there--the universe just might throw someone at you that won't be a "big o'strong beast" of a man, but will end up complementing you in ways you never dreamed of.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:donut:

You know what, sweetheart? You just gave me tickly goosebumps with that thought, those words.

:donut:


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I hope not in the pocket you have me in LOL


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

U said, (I have learned I dont need someone to complete myself)
I said, I can see little or no hope of improvement of my life or lifestyle.

As I see your statement. You seem to think that your life is as complete as you want/need it to be
I, AS I SAID, in a ROUND ABOUT WAY, said the ABOUT same thing.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

I have learned there are others out there with the same homesteading desires that I have. That there are hard working families who make the best of what they can with what they can and try to do even better. I have learned to have compassion on people and to not judge someone I do not really even know. I have learned new gardening ideas, new ideas on homes, new ideas on property, new ideas on hunting. I have gained real life friends from being here and friendships that I look forward to talking to every day. 
I have learned the people can be catty and can be snarky, have huge differences in opinions. And can be cruel at times, quick to judge and not look at the whole picture. I have learned the people on here can be neighbors and come to another person in need at the drop of a hat just because they are good salt of the earth folk.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Sourdough said:


> I have learned a lot about what ladies WANT on this "Single Tree" forum. And I would like to thank the ladies here for this. So My question is (be you male or be you female or be you not sure) *What profound insights have you garnished from "Single Tree" forum. NOTE: The truth, is appreciated.*
> 
> Yes, I will chime in with my opinion after the thread get going.


1. That you don't have to be totally single, (you can have a complicated relationship) for people to show kindness, and friendship.

2. There are a lot of really neat people who post in ST.

3. You can ask a question that you truly really don't know the answer too and a lot of folks will be really patient with you and answer it, even if it 'looks offensive'.

4. You can learn A LOT gleaning from other folks experiences and knowledge.

5. That folks really do want to smile, laugh, and have a good time. 

6. Even when someone is having a "debbie downer' moment....folks say and do what they can to help turn that frown, upside down!!:happy2:

7. That I have NO idea how old ANYONE is based upon their posts!!

8. Folks can 'ask complicated questions' and get anything from a very serious answer to someone making fart noises!!


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## Shygal (May 26, 2003)

FarmboyBill said:


> U said, (I have learned I dont need someone to complete myself)
> I said, I can see little or no hope of improvement of my life or lifestyle.
> 
> As I see your statement. You seem to think that your life is as complete as you want/need it to be
> I, AS I SAID, in a ROUND ABOUT WAY, said the ABOUT same thing.


No Bill. I said I learned that I don't need someone to complete myself, like you hear in movies and love stories and magazines. I am already complete, as glazed and others said. I learned that here.

In no way did I say that I think my life is complete. I have a whole lot of living and learning and exploring and doing left to do. So do you, if you would only open your eyes.


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## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEiTxmLK_qU]I'LL Never Fall In Love Again W/ Lyrics - YouTube[/ame]


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Its only words, and words are all I have to take myself away


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## foaly (Jan 14, 2008)

Sourdough said:


> I have learned a lot about what ladies WANT on this "Single Tree" forum. And I would like to thank the ladies here for this. So My question is (be you male or be you female or be you not sure) What profound insights have you garnished from "Single Tree" forum. NOTE: The truth, is appreciated.


I've learned that I don't seem to know much about men. :huh:


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

I have learned that online friends can be as real and giving and caring and loving and bull-headed and silly and annoying and fabulous as real world friends. And I look forward to hanging with you bunch of bananas every chance I get.


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

I did learn something. I'm just trying to remember what it was.......


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

glazed said:


> :donut:
> 
> You know what, sweetheart? You just gave me tickly goosebumps with that thought, those words.
> 
> :donut:


well, I am after all a 5 star, double rated astronavagatrix earth girl, whose specialty is....LOVE!

Glad to make you tingly, I mean goosebumpy, xoxoxoxoxo!!!


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## sidepasser (May 10, 2002)

Having been a member of ST for a long time while single and still checking in from time to time as not a single, I learned that we all have some idea of what type of person we would like to have in our life and so don't be surprised if someone shows up that may not be that person we have imagined. Expand those horizons a bit and you might discover someone who is a perfect fit even though the package may be a bit tattered or heck, entirely missing in some spots. 

Don't drop friends just cause you found a romance. You never know when romance will go sour..and you will need those friends to help lift you out of the dumps.

Don't compromise your basic beliefs, values, morals, etc. for a new love.. you won't like yourself if you do.

Treat an interweb romance pretty much the same way you would if you were hiring a new employee (after all this person may end up with access to ALL your stuff). Don't buy into someone's spiel without first checking him/her out completely first.. major surprises can be avoided if you take 24.00 and invest in a credit and background check first. Not everyone that one meets on the interwebs is representing themselves truthfully and several here on ST have found that out the hard way. 

Never stop believing in romance and be prepared to compromise a bit. It may take a long time before the perfect one for you falls into your backyard, but the time may get shorter if you participate in life a bit and get out there and mix and mingle.

Those are some of the things I have learned from visiting and reading here.


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## Groene Pionier (Apr 23, 2009)

what I really learned here is that people online can be who they want to be and not necessarily who they really are. Call me stupid, but I really didn't realise that people weren't telling the truth and making up characters who they want to be but arent. I can't seem to find the use nor reason behind that kind of behaviour. thing is that in real life you have body language or/and voice intonation which lacks in online postings. Ahh well, at least I can pass that knowledge on to my children


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

I've learned that I'm not alone.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

I've learned that people really dont want what they ask for.


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

You're not alone SB
[YOUTUBE]OfUV-F9jFro[/YOUTUBE]


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

I also learned that there is a shortage of men in my age group, and this is not a dating site....LOL


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Fowler said:


> I also learned that there is a shortage of men in my age group, *and this is not a dating site*....LOL


It could be if I could ever get my transporter doorway to work.

Dang thing:grit::hair:grumble::grumble: Hand me that left handed monkey wrench Fowler.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

It's got poo on it...LOL


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Fowler said:


> It's got poo on it...LOL


Oh that. That's just organic lubricant. Don't be a sissy! Sheesh.:lookout:


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

sustainabilly said:


> Oh that. That's just organic lubricant. Don't be a sissy! Sheesh.:lookout:


Organic lubricant, :icecream: I feel so dirty now.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Fowler said:


> Organic lubricant, :icecream: I feel so dirty now.


I'll still respect you tomorrow.


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

glazed said:


> :donut:
> 
> Truth: Many of the women here are sincerely my friend, my sister.
> 
> ...


Sorta sticking my neck out at a friend's request... Some reasons why guys are still single who shouldn't be 1.We are working like heck to get a new start so we bring our own support to a relationship, and don't have much time to play the dating game. 2. The majority of the good guys seem to be invisible to the gals who say they want one. 3. Some of us seem to fall thru the cracks age or distance wise. JMHO.


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## Jena (Aug 13, 2003)

I never realized this was supposed to be educational...


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

That the majority of people with dreams about their homestead and relationships, really don't do anything to make it happen. Even when the situation is offered to them on a silver platter, they still turn it down and walk away. Most can't and don't want to leave their comfort zone. You can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

Raven12 said:


> That the majority of people with dreams about their homestead and relationships, really don't do anything to make it happen. Even when the situation is offered to them on a silver platter, they still turn it down and walk away. Most can't and don't want to leave their comfort zone. You can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved.


:donut:

Not me.

I stepped out on complete and total faith ... not blind faith, my eyes were wide open ... and I took me and my girls over seven hundred miles away from home to live my dream, to a place with no family no friends no job no vehicle ... but I had hope and trust in my heart.

It was a scary nightmare.

Thankfully I am not bitter, or hardened ... I'd do it again tomorrow.

I am not going to let anyone (including my own Self) steal my dreams.

:donut:


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## Guest (Oct 30, 2012)

I'll never forget the precious 10 minutes we spent together, mostly arguing over the dollar menu at Macdonalds. I paid and she got 2 items, so I pretended I wasn't even hungry and just ate a couple of her fries. We broke up 8 minutes into our relationship, and she said she'd pay me back the $2.00. 
"Got change for a million dollar bill?" she asked.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

sustainabilly said:


> I'll still respect you tomorrow.


Promises, promises, you'll leave and forget that I ever even existed.


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## Smalltowngirl (Mar 28, 2010)

Fowler said:


> Promises, promises, you'll leave and forget that I ever even existed.


But every time he catches a scent of poo, he'll remember his time with a poo fairy. :happy2:


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

I have learned people can be so kind to other people they don't know or never met in real life.

I have also learned people can be so cruel sitting behind a computer screen.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

I have learned that I have much to learn.

Life was easier when I was 15 and knew it all!


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

roadless said:


> I have learned that I have much to learn.
> 
> Life was easier when I was 15 and knew it all!


Amen!! roadless!


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

Wow, many of you ladies are putting out some great life insights.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

tambo said:


> I have learned people can be so kind to other people they don't know or never met in real life.
> 
> I have also learned people can be so cruel sitting behind a computer screen.



This is about me huh?...LOL

I admit I can be hard on some people, but I have my reasons.


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## Guest (Oct 30, 2012)

And *I* have *my* raisins. So, there.


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## rancher1913 (Dec 5, 2008)

I"m an old married lady now, but ST was such a support when I was single. I learned that there are wonderful people everywhere, that sometimes friends are just meant to be friends, that if you don't take a chance and change something - things will stay the same, and that everyone views relationships - what they are, what they want or don't want them to be - diffferently. I learned here to be more clear in what I want, and to listen and watch closely to see what others want (what you hear isn't always what you get - but most of the time what you see is).

Moldy


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

When I came here from a recent (at the time) divorce, I was positive that all men were "jerks"....but I learned that's NOT true....that just some of them are...I also found a few friends that maybe I can meet in real life...someday...and a couple that I have actually met in real life...but most of all...I learned that I am not alone....:happy2:


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

arcticow said:


> Sorta sticking my neck out at a friend's request... Some reasons why guys are still single who shouldn't be 1.We are working like heck to get a new start so we bring our own support to a relationship, and don't have much time to play the dating game. 2. The majority of the good guys seem to be invisible to the gals who say they want one. 3. Some of us seem to fall thru the cracks age or distance wise. JMHO.


Women usually have a lot of respect... for your #1
Maybe those gals are really shy for your ...#2
And for your #3...These might not be real issues but just your imagination...


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

Fowler said:


> This is about me huh?...LOL
> 
> I admit I can be hard on some people, but I have my reasons.


Well maybe maybe not....Which one are you referring too? That is a trick question isn't it?:teehee:


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## rileyjo (Feb 14, 2005)

I met someone here on HT/ST and I have spent the last almost 3 years of my life with them.

What I've learned is that I wont be happy unless my partner truly lives and loves the homesteading lifestyle (I dated too many wannabes in the past and something was always missing).

I also learned a whole lot about compromise. Even tho we want the same things, we put different values on them.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

tambo said:


> Well maybe maybe not....Which one are you referring too? That is a trick question isn't it?:teehee:


:happy2: :kiss:


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## Guest (Oct 31, 2012)

I don't much care to get into any further man/woman interaction threads, because the majority of posts are the same song, over and over. However, I'd like to offer an observation: Most people are using the wrong criteria for even looking. For instance, if you want someone who can work til the sun goes down, live off what is grown and raised around the place, and will never cheat, lie, or leave you, then why do you go all stupid in the head for a pretty face instead?? Why just not say "I'm a liar who is so shallow that I don't mind everybody seeing what a liar I am and all I care about is looks and money" if thats the real you? 
If you want a woman(or man) that is all looks, just say so. If you want a man who is bright enough to McGiver a sawmill out of a coathanger and a pocketknife, just say so. If you want a woman who will get up at the crack of dawn, work all day while you sit on your butt in front of a computer flirting with other women, just say so(good luck on that one). If you want a guy who will spend hundreds of dollars on showing you a good time, just say it. 
Hey, the guy that actually does bust his hump, doing all he can to live off the land ain't gonna look like Cary Grant. And the woman who can stand equally by that guy ain't gonna look like Angelina Jolie, neither. 

I don't think it's fair to every woman to be judged by another woman. Same for men. Yet, 99% of the people that come through this subforum are talking out both sides of their mouth. At the same time. What this group needs is a little more honesty in what you *really* want. And what you'll *really* do to try. And what kind of sacrifices you'll *really* make to attain your goals.
Ain't gonna happen for most. Somebody somewhere can see the light from time to time, usually after they've made a total wreck of their own lives, and a few people's that they drug into their field of vision. 
All y'all gotta do is start seeing reality. Wake up.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

zong said:


> I don't much care to get into any further man/woman interaction threads, because the majority of posts are the same song, over and over. However, I'd like to offer an observation: Most people are using the wrong criteria for even looking. For instance, if you want someone who can work til the sun goes down, live off what is grown and raised around the place, and will never cheat, lie, or leave you, then why do you go all stupid in the head for a pretty face instead?? Why just not say "I'm a liar who is so shallow that I don't mind everybody seeing what a liar I am and all I care about is looks and money" if thats the real you?
> If you want a woman(or man) that is all looks, just say so. If you want a man who is bright enough to McGiver a sawmill out of a coathanger and a pocketknife, just say so. If you want a woman who will get up at the crack of dawn, work all day while you sit on your butt in front of a computer flirting with other women, just say so(good luck on that one). If you want a guy who will spend hundreds of dollars on showing you a good time, just say it.
> Hey, the guy that actually does bust his hump, doing all he can to live off the land ain't gonna look like Cary Grant. And the woman who can stand equally by that guy ain't gonna look like Angelina Jolie, neither.
> 
> ...


Zong, I have to say that I am very impressed with this post. You are usually so silly on here that half the time it is hard to keep up with you, but this post, this post makes perfect sense. It is always nice when a man comes out and just talks, talks straight up, no bull and is honest. Good post.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Z IF this was a regular singles forum, with no adgenda of its own, than I could see the benefit of what your saying. But, since this is a form made for supposedly farmers/gardeners/homesteaders, than, thats the kind of people who girate onto this place. 
IF a person says they want anything other than a guy who can rig up a sawmill out of an old plow and sickle mower, has 300 jars of produce in their celler/pantry, raises cows, goats, hogs, sheep, chickens, rabbits, ect, plays e musical instruments, and lives on a place with beautiful scenes, They arent going to do any better than we are.
We guys can look for a woman who knows all, sees all about farming/gardening/homesteading, and looks tolorable, as I did for years, OR be a woman who wants a man that looks good in long handled long johns and overhalls, and is handy with a wrench or hammer going to be looking lots longer than one who looks for one or the other.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:donut:

Humble curtsy to Zong.

:donut:


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## Guest (Oct 31, 2012)

I became silly because nobody likes hard truth. And I had to say everything in onion layers, so that everybody could get their own meaning out of it at their own level. As in the past, what the reader gets *out of* the post will be whatever the reader reads *into* the post. some people just want to criticize, some want to laugh. If anybody wants to think that they don't know everything and that maybe somebody else has some insight they can use, then that's what they'll see.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

zong said:


> I became silly because nobody likes hard truth. And I had to say everything in onion layers, so that everybody could get their own meaning out of it at their own level. As in the past, what the reader gets *out of* the post will be whatever the reader reads *into* the post. some people just want to criticize, some want to laugh. If anybody wants to think that they don't know everything and that maybe somebody else has some insight they can use, then that's what they'll see.


No, no and no, if I wanted silly I would go back to high school. Really. The wonderful thing about being a adult is you finally get to speak your mind and cut the bull. Straight up and honest is good, at least you are finally getting down to the whole person and not having to cut thru the layers. Layers are okay, but I want to know the real person and what goes on in the real inside of them. Laughing is good to, but again, so is straight up and honest.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

...

This made me realize something that I want to point out:

I culled myself several months ago ... I openly acknowledged I really didn't fit in here ... I have the desire and the dream, but not the skill or strength ... it was an interesting discussion, that thread ... I have many male friends here, but None that see me as a legitimate potential for a mate ... And I have shown my sincerity toward my dreams by proving I have the determination and grit to follow them even if the dream turns out to be a bad one.

So, in that sense, it shows that The men here aren't just looking for a so-called "pretty face" ... They really are looking for Something better. And that's the way it should be.

My point in all this babbling brook is it really isn't as shallow here as it seems.

I hope this typed out right ... I am doing it from a phone with one finger lol

Love y'all byebye


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Glazed, I hear ya and understand what you are saying. Girlfriend, you are beautiful and I say ya have a lot to offer someone in the homesteading world. You show a desire to learn and be taught and I am SURE there are men in here that would love to show you how or be with you.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Well, see, there is no accounting for who one falls in love with! DH is neither a pretty face OR the homesteady type, but I do love him!

Trying to change one's spouse into another person is not very productive. So, I accept the man as he is, and we go our separate ways during the day. In the evening he tells me about his office job and I tell him about what is happening on the 'stead. 

Zong, good post! When I was 18 I THOUGHT I wanted a farmer, but instead what I really wanted was kind and hard working and 6 feet tall!


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

As a women I was not looking for just another pretty face. I sought outside the box and found what I thought was my perfect match. Then I handed them their dream on a silver platter and it was knocked out of my hands. Lesson learned.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:::that brought tears to my eyes, thank you cindilu:::


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Fowler said:


> As a women I was not looking for just another pretty face. I sought outside the box and found what I thought was my perfect match. Then I handed them their dream on a silver platter and it was knocked out of my hands. Lesson learned.


Fowler, at least you know now rather then later. Sometimes with people it is easier living a fantasy world, typing out the perfect world and wishing for the perfect world. But the reality is a harder bullet to bite. In the long run it saved you. You want someone who will help you with your load, bare the load with you and share your dreams because your dreams and your perfect world really are your reality.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Fowler, sometimes that happens. Not every person sees the benefit of being faithfull, fair, and honest: some people actually PREFER that life is turbulent, dangerous, and unpredictable! And, they see no point in changing. 

My husband's nephew is like that, and so was my ex-BIL and my SIL. And, none of them saw any point in changing. I write to the nephew regularly when he is in jail, but the BIL dissappeared long ago. Some people are simply like that, and they will not change.


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## Guest (Oct 31, 2012)

Fowler said:


> As a women I was not looking for just another pretty face. I sought outside the box and found what I thought was my perfect match. Then I handed them their dream on a silver platter and it was knocked out of my hands. Lesson learned.


I really know that feeling. Thats what I'm talking about, people who say they are looking for the lifestyle that you offer, then come to find out that's the furthest thing from their mind. Why wouldn't they just be honest to start with, and save everybody a lot of trouble and misery? Many of the people here who have been hurt the most got hurt by somebody they met right here, in this forum, that lied about what they were looking for. That's why I think everybody should be honest about what they really want and what they're really willing to do for it. 
Your experience, and the experience of others who have been hurt by people's misrepresentation of themselves is the reason for my post. I coulda just cracked a joke instead. 
Sure there are people who are not farmers and actually want to be. And some of them will actually do what's needed, given the opportunity. And they'd be a fine partner, for anybody. BUT, there are some who know they're never going to get off their duff and do anything except play. They should just say so too.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

Fowler said:


> As a women I was not looking for just another pretty face. I sought outside the box and found what I thought was my perfect match. Then I handed them their dream on a silver platter and it was knocked out of my hands. Lesson learned.


I understand this too ... Just reverse the situation and you have what happened to me, basically ... Left everything behind except my three miracles and my own silver platter ... The lesson I learned, though, is that I am pretty dad gum awesome to have such faith ... And I am thankful I am not too hurt to keep my eyes on the REAL prize.

(((Hugs)))


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

It just sucks because I even took the time to choose someone differant, that was not vested in their own homestead but wanted one, I invested a lot of time, effort, getting past my own mispreceptions of what I normally am attracted too, and found a deeper more spiritual connection to another human being. I feel I have learned a lot, and can apply this to any future relationship I may have. However I also feel like I was mislead and decieved. But I know what I want now, and I learned how to have that bond with a willing partner, so not all was a lose.


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## Groene Pionier (Apr 23, 2009)

@ Zong, thank you! I think you are so right about this. My main flaw in character is putting things in the right words, you know communicational skills, but you just put it in the right words!
Personally I think it is 'hip' to at least say you are working towards selfsufficiency or homesteading or whatever fancy word you want to put there
I see a lot of ppl here who scream they are doing so many things themselves, eating organic, buying local.. but it is just superficial, it is not real, like so many things in life. I am not sure if I explained well what I am trying to say, I hope you do understand

@ Fowler, most ppl no matter where you are, doing more the talk then the actual walk.

@ Glazed, I feel an outcast in my own community (just to give you an example of my not spending: i have this really small television, and a mother of one of my daughter's friends saw that and felt so sorry for me that she called me and offered me a bigger one they had in their house I am looked upon as very strange....). But I also do feel a stranger here most of the time, I am at the other side of the ocean firstly and secondly we are in different cultural settings which means there are other possibilities and situations which sometimes are just different. I am ok with that I find this forum informative and I always like to learn. 

In general, being this single person with 2 kids with pretty old fashioned idea's, doing the things i do, doesn't make me a very interesting dating object over here. A long long time ago I was popular on the 'market' but the years and the overweight I have gained after having my children, makes me an unattractive person to date. 
I am ok with that, I like what I do each and every day, and I get so much joy out of it, I am sure I can't give that up for a man, just to be in a relationship. 
I just keep on doing what i do and be content with it.


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

I think some aren't out to deceive. Sometimes a connection is unexpected. When the situation doesn't fit the preconceived notion of how it is supposed to be, it throws the person for a loop. Maybe some aren't ready for it or don't want to color outside of the lines.


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

I think many singles DON'T KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE WHAT THEY REALLY WANT, because they REALLY don't KNOW what they want!


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

It is not only that we lie to others, and deceive them. Our biggest lie is to ourselves. I don't tell myself the truth about me. Yes, it lurks there, I keep it in a dark part of my awareness.

Not only do I fear rejection from Laura if she knew everything about me; My hundred times greater fear is to list the truth about me on a sheet of paper, and have to look at it in Black & White. Then I would be compelled to acknowledge that is "part" of the whole that is me.

It is easy for me to love the parts of me that I put out in front as my "Persona". I said earlier that you can't love and accept fully another "Being" if you can't accept and love the whole of yourself.

We live in a time when we seduce ourself that we are successful as a human "Being" buy the amount of stuff we own, our degrees, etc. this has allowed us to not look at the truth of who we are as a whole "Being"......


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

Sometimes,,,,,I want a pretty face, sexy body,,and to just get laid....

Sometimes I want a friend.

Sometimes I just want to be alone with my dog and horses....

Sometimes.........


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Sourdough said:


> It is not only that we lie to others, and deceive them. Our biggest lie is to ourselves. I don't tell myself the truth about me. Yes, it lurks there, I keep it in a dark part of my awareness.
> 
> Not only do I fear rejection from Laura if she knew everything about me; My hundred times greater fear is to list the truth about me on a sheet of paper, and have to look at it in Black & White. Then I would be compelled to acknowledge that is "part" of the whole that is me.
> 
> ...


I went there, deep within myself. And was surprised at what made me who I am and I shared all that with another, that's why I feel bonded to them. And that's why I feel betrayed, I shared things I didnt even know about myself and I bonded to another human like I've never ever could have conceived. He's now my soulmate. I'm just not his.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

This is all so depressing and heartbreaking lets saddle up and go kick his wass


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

I haven't really learned this here per se , but I got a huge lesson in reality illusion and the internet ha. No internet hookups for me unless I've already known the person for a long time and there are other friends I've also known a long time that can "vouch". Much much much prefer real life.

While I love the internet for connecting with friends, I've learned to hugely beware anyone who "lives" online--no matter how good they come across. There are people out there who hide behind their words, they craft a wonderful personna, then when you get into their real lives stuff don't match up.

So, a few things I look for:

Do they have good long term friends of both sexes

Do they burn bridges easily

sense of humor, can they take some ribbing

generosity, and are people generous back(ie, do they have a sense of community and participate--on the other hand I understand loners, BUT I have seen this with so called loners and they are really good people)

is their vehicle filled with garbage, wrappers on the floor etc (haha) on the other hand if their vehicle is pristine (and it's the daily driver) watch out haha!

is there a nice amount(don't ask me to define it ha) of personal stuff in their pad's decor--like personal photos and mementos--ie , it's not all Pottery Barn or jail cell.

what is the relationship with the dog/cat, while pets have their own personalities, they also reflect the energy of their leaders. It might take a while to pick up on this, but in my experience it's always spot on.

Job--workaholic? no job? gets their sense of self worth from the career? or play? I really dont' care what a person does, I do admire someone that geeks out on their work--creatively engineering more efficiency, has fun with customers etc.

happy quotient--an obvious one kwim.


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## Vickie44 (Jul 27, 2010)

I have learned that I could enjoy, and probably need, having friends that are women ( instead of a zillion aquaintances ) and I wish many of the women on here were closer to my location.

I have learned that EVERYONE looks at the world thru their own eyes.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Sourdough said:


> It is not only that we lie to others, and deceive them. Our biggest lie is to ourselves. I don't tell myself the truth about me. Yes, it lurks there, I keep it in a dark part of my awareness.
> 
> Not only do I fear rejection from Laura if she knew everything about me; My hundred times greater fear is to list the truth about me on a sheet of paper, and have to look at it in Black & White. Then I would be compelled to acknowledge that is "part" of the whole that is me.
> 
> ...


Have the courage to be imperfect. It's okay to dribble the Truth a bit at a time.


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

I have learned that there are many nice men & women on this site.

Yes, Zong is right; sometimes it's the same story, with different characters.

Sometimes it's just a rough patch.

I have found someone, and am with him - have been for a while. I wasn't sure if it would work, so have been careful. 

I didn't have any huge requirement for looks -not a big deal-my requirements are basically- clean, groomed, not a booger eater, etc, honest, maybe likes some stuff I like to do, so I can have company doing it sometimes. No big health issues-dh died of cancer and I want who I'm with to be healthy & strong in mind, body and level headed.

The one thing that I wanted from a man, that I guess I didn't get for a lot of years during marriage, was someone who could 'be here now'. Someone who would be kind, and accepting without a lot of drama- that stuff is so wearying!

When I see that person, just to look at his back as he works on something- I always resolve to be as kind as possible to him, because, that's what he does for me.

If this person hadn't have come along (believe me, I made fun of him at first to my friends. I referred to him as 'the leprechaun', etc and assured them that he was not anyone that I was interested in)
There have been one or two men on this forum, that had I not met 'Mr Magically Delicious' that I might have been interested in getting to know them.

Fowler, you were too looking for a pretty face! But, along came Mr Pullmyfinger, and it threw you for a loop . . . . . .. . 

It takes a while to develop a love/respect relationship, and as you get older, your requirements change. I dont want what I wanted when I was 25; (well, maybe one thing is the same . . .) nor do any of you if you have matured at all.
So, SourDough, I guess I didn't learn anything from this forum, (wine making exception) and how friendly people here can be. (and sometimes there's the drama. . .. . )


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

Laura said:


> Have the courage to be imperfect. It's okay to dribble the Truth a bit at a time.


That is NOT fair to You........And more painful for me.:kiss:


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

Double, nay triple, like.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

Oops for sherry that is ..... Loving the sourdough and Laura stuff though


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Sourdough said:


> That is NOT fair to You........And more painful for me.:kiss:


Is this the same as, "You're too pretty?"


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

Laura said:


> Is this the same as, "You're too pretty?"


I never thought of myself as "Too Pretty", why thank you.....:nanner::nanner:


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Sourdough said:


> I never thought of myself as "Too Pretty", why thank you.....:nanner::nanner:


So you haven't made up your mind. 

When men back up and disappear because they fear rejection, it causes women to feel rejected. Then everyone feels icky, usually for no good reason.
Grown-ups are like little kids. Their imaginations make things much worse than what they really are.


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

Very profound.......and this was a good thread with a lot of posts. Any new thinking members........???




Shrek said:


> Only the names and era change. The topics and issues always come back around with the latest crew of names to face in their way during their era.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

I have learned that no thread is ever TRULY dead.

Mon


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

I've come a fer piece. But there's a long way to go. And, it's because of the resulting effect of something I've learned the hard way since the breakup of my marriage -and continuing through my time here in ST. I have a bad habit of getting myself in situations that serve to remind me that I don't listen and talk in the right proportions. Vis-a-vis, two ears and one mouth. That particular disagreeable tendency was recently brought home to me, once again. It showed me I still gots me some bugs to work out.

I'd say almost everyone in the world has to own up to the fact that, in some way or another they, at least occasionally, exhibit behavior that can only be described as prepossessing, or condescending. But, the problem with prepossessing is the pre part. Most won't accept that, this, a trait of their own personality, can be a cause of friction between themselves and others. In fact, often when it is acknowledged, it's viewed as a positive characteristic; a point of pride. Couple that with the finely honed competitive spirit some people also possess, and you get smug -with all the rationalizations that one needs to blame the other guy. 

I've learned that I'm not good at spotting these people beforehand. Forewarned is forearmed. And if you can spot that type, often you can still find a way to happily get along with them...or run, if that's your preference. When I've weighed that person's good and bad, and it comes out on the positive side of the scale, I prefer to get along.

So, I try to work harder at listening. Throughout my life, but especially during the time I've spent here in ST, I've noticed that women, in general, have a better understanding of interpersonal relationships than men. And... women, in general, are better listeners than men. So, if I want to learn to keep these size 10's out of my mouth, maybe I ought to take a lesson... Ay? 

Everyone is familiar with learning from their mistakes. When you've learned, you grow. When you grow, you have more confidence in your ability to handle what comes along. That confidence has allowed me to realize that it's okay to be alone...as in no SO, alone. And, in actuality, it's the reason I'm mostly okay with not meeting someone else's requirement list.

My hope is that when I look in the mirror, I see a man who's struck a positive balance between his bad tendencies, like those above and others, and the things I've learned from others that will help me to treat people better.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Ive learned that women are women no matter where you find them. Yes, city gals usually don't make good farm wives, and visa versa, BUT, as to there internal mindset, there pretty much alike no matter whether I find them on here, on Farmers only, or wherever

AND< I suppose the same can be said about men.


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## tamarackreg (Mar 13, 2006)

I have learned that people seem to be drawn to the same [messed] up circle that has brought so much displeasure and turmoil to their lives rather than enjoying the single life and taking charge of their own destiny and happiness.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Tam, do you think the reason "drawn to the same [messed] up circle that has brought so much displeasure and turmoil to their lives" is because they have been in that "cycle" for so long, it's all they know??


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

That could very well be my case.


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## tamarackreg (Mar 13, 2006)

Laura Zone 10 said:


> Tam, do you think the reason "drawn to the same [messed] up circle that has brought so much displeasure and turmoil to their lives" is because they have been in that "cycle" for so long, it's all they know??



Seems to me what we are taught, sold and have had repetitively pounded into our head since we were old enough to be taught, sold to, and have things repetitively pounded into our head plays a large roll in that cycle.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

So, how do you break the cycle?


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

I believe that people are drawn together to learn from each other, and when the learning is complete they move on and learn from another. I think we all have things to teach and things that we need to learn. Both of my wives and all of the ladies in my life have been teachers to me. And I thank each for their gifts. 




tamarackreg said:


> I have learned that people seem to be drawn to the same [messed] up circle that has brought so much displeasure and turmoil to their lives rather than enjoying the single life and taking charge of their own destiny and happiness.


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Laura Zone 10 said:


> So, how do you break the cycle?


 Introspect and have a truthful conversation with yourself and take notes and use your notes to map a path that doesn't follow the course of your past that wasn't right for you.


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

Read: "RADICAL HONESTY" by Brad Blanton.......or even better, become a student of Radical Honesty. We lie more to ourselves than we do unto others.



Laura Zone 10 said:


> So, how do you break the cycle?


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## Evons hubby (Oct 3, 2005)

Being not single I don't post here very often, but I do drop in and read a few threads from time to time. What have I learned? Mostly why y'all are single.


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## Evons hubby (Oct 3, 2005)

Laura Zone 10 said:


> So, how do you break the cycle?


Being honest with yourself is a good starting point.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Shrek said:


> Introspect and have a truthful conversation with yourself and take notes and use your notes to map a path that doesn't follow the course of your past that wasn't right for you.





Sourdough said:


> Read: "RADICAL HONESTY" by Brad Blanton.......or even better, become a student of Radical Honesty. We lie more to ourselves than we do unto others.


Yep, just like a really amazing 12 step program, the 1rst step is admission.

Sourdough, I absolutely agree with you that we (as in human kind) do lie to ourselves or we are our own worst enemy (inner critic) and alot of that is how we were treated / trained when we were young.

So once you have taken the first step, good, honest introspect, then what?
What do you do with that? What's the "next step" in breaking that cycle?

(if you have broken this cycle, please chime in!!)


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