# So Very, Very Weary



## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

I'm just one weary, li'l ol' lady, trying to do it all - all by myself. I've been contemplating selling out - lock, stock, and barrel, and relocating. Maybe to a teeny-tiny ap't in town, or a smaller parcel of 10 acres or so, so I can continue to keep a few goats & chickens. 

I'm tired! Tired of having to do all the mowing, and half the time the mower won't start. Tired of hauling firewood up to the house in the winter time, tired of bucking hay bales, tired of unloading 500# of feed and more at a time, tired of scrounging up $$$ to buy fire wood and hay. Just tired, tired, tired - and dangitt, LONELY! I'm wa-a-a-ay out here where there's nobody else. Granted, it's peaceful & quiet, and I adhere to my own schedule, but I'm sick 'n' TIRED of being the sole ranchhand!

I love my chickens, love kidding season when all the new baby goat kids are born, love milking my goats, love picking tomatoes & cucumbers & plums in the summertime, but I'm TIRED of doing it all solo!

The thought of moving is quite daunting - there's so much carp! (That is *my* fault!)

Anyway, that's my sob story for today.


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

First off Nehi {{{{hugs}}}}

Second, we can say CRAP now!!!!! LOL

Third, I have no advice for you other than First. 

Exhaustion has a way of making you think there might be an easier way. It also has a way of motivating. Talk out your ideas with those you love and trust. And listen to the inside Nehi--she knows what's right for her.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

Like Leslie,

First off, hugs from here too!

Second, I've always said crap. 

Third, I'd be delighted to have you for a neighbor!(hint, hint) 

There is not a thing wrong in downsizing to have more time to enjoy yourself! I can't see you being a townie, but maybe you should really consider 5 or so acres. You'll still be able to do all that you love on a more manageable scale.

And yes the thought of moving is daunting, but it can also be liberating too!


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## billooo2 (Nov 23, 2004)

I am having similar thoughts........less land, smaller house, small pole building (built to make things easier for me).........


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

First thing to do is have a good night of sleep! Things will look better in the morning.

Then, think it all through....even writing the pros and cons out on paper.

You're a very intelligent lady. Your decision will be a good one!


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

I often have the same thoughts nehi. But for now this is my life and I love all the challenges, it keeps me youthful, strong, and motivated. Take this time to learn to deal with the loneliness. I did and still do. For me..I cannot image doing anything else right now. And living on a farm is a lifestyle, which many wish not to partake in. I would not fault you in any way shape or form. Everyone must follow their own path.


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## Guest (Jun 28, 2014)

Crap crap crap crap....THERE !!!! 

Wish we lived closer...we'd come over to help and to visit and soon you'd be begging for some peace and quiet..:nanner:


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## sdnapier (Aug 13, 2010)

Hang in there. I already have the smaller land and only 1500 square feet for a house and I sometimes feel as you do. Just saying it's not always greener. It sounds like you need some down time in order to get your batteries charged. When was the last time you got to just hang out, watch a movie, and do nothing? Are there any massage places where you could be pampered? How about a bubble bath? Wish I were closer


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Oh can I identify with this! I keep saying that if I were smart I'd just move to Mexico full time where I have a maid and Jose the pool side waiter will bring me freshly squeezed orange juice to my lounge chair for about fifty cents. I get an hour long massage for $12. I know where an awesome seafood buffet is that includes the drink for $2. Stroll along the beachfront and go bobbing in the waves in the evenings. Sit in a sidewalk cafe watching the sunset over the ocean while sipping coffee and eating flan. Mmmmmmm.

What was I saying? Oh yes....the reason why I continue to fight the grass and bugs and put up with overpriced goods and services and deal with rude people. Just crazy I guess 

Yep....being alone is the worst part. I'm tired of doing everything alone too. Hugs nehimama!


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## COSunflower (Dec 4, 2006)

Remember "The Golden Girls"??? I always thought it would be fun to be "The Country Girls"!!! 3 older, of the same mind, country girls on a small acreage...You'd have company, help, motivation, encouragement and FUN!!! You can work together and invite the local "Country Boys" for a country dinner on the weekends.


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

When was the last time you were home with the family ? I know you want to be nearer to them, you just need to figure out how to do it.

It must have been hard to move in the first place


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

COSunflower said:


> Remember "The Golden Girls"??? I always thought it would be fun to be "The Country Girls"!!! 3 older, of the same mind, country girls on a small acreage...You'd have company, help, motivation, encouragement and FUN!!! You can work together and invite the local "Country Boys" for a country dinner on the weekends.



Old people orgy, GROSS !


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## farmgal (Nov 12, 2005)

I can totally relate ! I still have one son home but he's 18. I dread him moving on. Doing things alone stinks. My son has gone away for few weeks and it was boring without him. I'm trying to get this place easier to care for but it's a lot of work no mater. 

Don't even get me started about keeping the mower running. We use the tractor and brush hog most as it runs great. Lawn mower. UHg! I am glad I'm down to just banty chickens,one horse and one dog. 

I'm also sick of making all the decisions alone. It's like I can't even make them anymore. 

If my son moves out, I will get a few house mates. I have 2 extra rooms. I don't believe I could live alone. Maybe you could consider a housemate? There are some nice folks out there.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

What Ardie said. GO TO SLEEP!

Then start making plans for your eventual old age. My place is tiny-only an acre- but I have never regretted downsizing the projects on my acre so that I can stay on my beloved land. My garden is smaller, the electric company cut many of my fruit trees when they changed their right of way by 15 feet (and paid me for my inconvenience and for my signature on the contract), and so forth.

For example, can you do hay on shares, with them doing the work? Etc.


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## Echoesechos (Jan 22, 2010)

It would be hard to do all that. Smaller average might let you continue doing all you love but at a more manageable level. Can you co-op out some of your acerage? Have others farm it for you while you get some money off the land and have more time to concentrate on doing what is fun and free up time for you to recharge your batteries.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

(((Hugs))) from Tennessee too, nehi. I don't have any advice. Just know you're in my thoughts cuz lonely is the pits.


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## COSunflower (Dec 4, 2006)

Hey RadDad...You are only as old as you THINK you are......


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## notwyse (Feb 16, 2014)

Many of us know just what your saying. Hugs. Come on in as close as you need. Less can be more...


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

I've had 3 weeks of 15-16 hour days. Then I've had a dribble of ditch water. I set it before I leave, and after I get home.

No time for chores. A rain has put the stop to me and the business. I still have things I need to do around here, that I didn't get done today. Admittedly, I need to apply myself better when I do have the time.

No garden, cuz there is no time. I would love to have one however!

Guess I'll keep plugging along, doing what I do best. I was very ready for this rain to stop me!


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## davel745 (Feb 2, 2009)

nehimama said:


> I'm just one weary, li'l ol' lady, trying to do it all - all by myself. I've been contemplating selling out - lock, stock, and barrel, and relocating. Maybe to a teeny-tiny ap't in town, or a smaller parcel of 10 acres or so, so I can continue to keep a few goats & chickens.
> 
> I'm tired! Tired of having to do all the mowing, and half the time the mower won't start. Tired of hauling firewood up to the house in the winter time, tired of bucking hay bales, tired of unloading 500# of feed and more at a time, tired of scrounging up $$$ to buy fire wood and hay. Just tired, tired, tired - and dangitt, LONELY! I'm wa-a-a-ay out here where there's nobody else. Granted, it's peaceful & quiet, and I adhere to my own schedule, but I'm sick 'n' TIRED of being the sole ranchhand!
> 
> ...


I to have similar feelings. I am getting up in years and it is getting hard to cut the firewood and get it in for winter. And I miss a companion.


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

davel745 said:


> I to have similar feelings. I am getting up in years and it is getting hard to cut the firewood and get it in for winter. And I miss a companion.


COMPANION! Yes, I miss that, too, and all that that implies! Just adds to the weariness.


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Posted by oneraddad:

"Old people orgy, GROSS !"

Well, you don't have to watch - or participate!!!!! :bash:
In light of your tender sensibilities, should we cross your name off the invitation list?


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

No, I'll watch


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

Good Morning Nehi*, I can feel You, being overwhelmed by how much it takes to get things done, as we get older, especially when we are alone. I would think long and hard on this,cause I can tell that You really Love Your Lifestyle. I think that simplifying, and downsizing, is just part of living comfortably, as we get older*. Whatever make YOU happy, is the most important thing* Take care of Yourself, eat well, sleep well-feed Your soul! Change is inevitable, make the changes that You want. You are a sweetheart!, and I can't wait to hear a post from You, saying 'things are getting better!' Have a Good day*


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

Work smarter, not harder! So many times we fall into doing things the way we've always done them. But there might be a better way! Try to step back and look at your property with fresh eyes. If you were advising the person who lived there, what would you tell them? How might they save time, energy, steps?

If you have a good friend who is also "into" this lifestyle, have them over for lunch, invite them to take a hard look at your operations and advise you as well. 

In the end, you may decide it's better to move. You also could downsize on the same property. Fewer animals ... let some of the garden go back to lawn, then let some of the lawn go back to "wildflowers." (That's the Yuppie name for "weeds.")

Here is something I found that's been an immeasurable help to me; in fact, I don't know how I ever got along without it! It makes my life soooo much easier: http://www.drpower.com/power-equipm...ft-lbs-torque-b-s-es-new-premier-50st-epa.axd

Numb actually recommended I should get one of these things *FOR YEARS* before I finally listened to him, and boy am I glad I did! I was afraid it wouldn't slog through the spring mud at my place, but the thing is like a tank. It has cut the time I spend on barn chores in half. Incidentally, I got mine secondhand for $900 off eBay, and it has been worth every penny. The thing ALWAYS starts, always, without any fuss. (That's a biggie for me, as I'm not very ept when it comes to tinkering with small engines.)

OK, I'm at risk of sounding like a commercial here (no, DR isn't paying me for my endorsement). ound: That was merely my long way around saying, "Look at what you can do differently, or what you might need to make your daily tasks easier."


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

It sounds like you just need some good sleep, perhaps a couple days away from the farm, go to a festival or fair, the and come back with a renewed vision and plan. You are doing what you love, where you want to be, you just need a renewed plan!!! A little less here, maybe a few more there, maybe smaller this , and get rid of that. Get some of these, and landfill all those. 

Have a good friend come over, grill out have a farm chat and get some suggestions, you likely will be posting here next week with your new plans!!!! :bouncy:


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## itsb (Jan 13, 2013)

keep your head up,Im with willow,down size your operation,so you can take some time off for yourself,travel or what ever you like,keep the farm until time makes the disision,sell animals,make yard smaller.Point is you are burnt out,backup and smell the roses.good luck


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## CountryWannabe (May 31, 2004)

(((((HUGS))))) I'm with the folk who suggest "downsize a bit". It *IS* hard doing everything yourself and when you are feeling weary it is ten times harder and even things we love lose their lustre.

Don't get me started on lawnmowers. I just ended up getting mine fixed. Again. With what I've spent on repairs I could have bought the ZTR I wanted in the first place. <whine, whine>

I would never be without my animals - they are all that keep me sane sometimes - but I have cut numbers severely so that I can manage no matter what. Not to mention the reduction in feed costs.

I agree with WG - wildflowers are pretty and low maintenance. Mow around the house so that the grass isn't a fire hazard (or a snake or other wild-life habitat) and throw out a few packets of wild flower perennials on the rest. 

Take some time for yourself - even if it's only a long soak in the tub (use some pretty smelling bath salts and light a few candles) I know that when you have dairy goats it's impossible to take a full day off, but maybe try for at least a half day of doing just "you" stuff. I wish we lived closer. Sometimes just a friendly visit makes all the difference

Mary


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

happens to all of us Nehi. my son called today and wondered why I wasn't out cleaning up the remains of the tree. he was worried I was sick or worse. I decided to just relax this weekend . read a few books I have been wanting to get to etc. later on I'm going to relax in my jet tub. not doing much at all until next weekend when I will go to the country again. it's very difficult for me to slow down but I'm forcing myself this week. wish you were closer Nehi so you could visit for awhile. all the best, ~Georgia.


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

This year I only have chickens and the dogs, it's like a vacation. I decided to concentrate on fruits and veggies this year and put in for deer/elk tags to fill my meat needs. What a great choice, it's gave me a new direction. I won't have 20-30 turkeys running around crapping on everything ever again. I thought I liked my turkeys, I found I like it better without them. I now have a lawn and don't have to worry about tracking turkey crap everywhere. I do miss having pigs and sheep though, but I don't miss the responsibility.

I'd like to give these guys a big hug because I miss them, but I'd also like to punch them in the throat for eating my trees. I bottle fed them from day one and fell in love, but I'm glad they're gone.


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Last baby of the season born at Nehi Valley this afternoon. Out of Nehi Minis JK Dreamy, by Lujaxs Dallas Duncan, an elf-eared F2 DOELING!





THIS is what makes the grind worthwhile!


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## Guest (Jun 29, 2014)

nehimama said:


> Last baby of the season born at Nehi Valley this afternoon. Out of Nehi Minis JK Dreamy, by Lujaxs Dallas Duncan, an elf-eared F2 DOELING!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


and her name is Lesley ....LOL..right?


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

you just keep after it nehi....just cut back on ya chores a bit.


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## calliemoonbeam (Aug 7, 2007)

I'm sorry you're feeling so down Nehi. {{{BIG HUGS}}} I think we all go through it from time to time. It does get to be a grind sometimes. I just went through this myself and seriously considered throwing in the towel, but I'm feeling better now and glad I didn't do anything rash. I know you'd be miserable without your place and your animal babies, but it might not hurt to think about downsizing some. 

I only have five acres and no animals yet, and it's all just too much sometimes, especially when my health issues flare up, which they just did for a couple of months. By the time I get done with work, the last thing I want or have the energy for is homestead chores, but then again they're my joy too. If I gave them up, all I'd have left would be my job, which I really don't like...what kind of life would that be?? And I can't give up work, so I keep plugging away.

I sure wish some of us lived closer together. I think we could be a lot of support for each other. We could share chores, which would make them seem to go faster even if they didn't actually, lol. Then we could do something fun or relaxing together with our downtime. I think the biggest negative aspect of all of society's "progress", changing lifestyles and electronic gadgets over the years is the detachment and isolation that almost everyone lives with nowadays. 

It's what I miss most about the 60s and 70s, being part of a close group, male and female, knowing there was always someone to talk to, do things with, share the hard parts with. Even if you didn't have a "significant other", you never had to be alone if you didn't want to. I've really been missing that lately. Sometimes I wonder if that was just me and my group of friends, didn't everyone feel like that back then?? We do have our HT family and thank goodness for that! But it's just not the same as being there in person.

I wish I had some sage advice for you, but all I can say is keep talking to your friends and family here on HT, sit down and take a hard look at things and see if there is anything you can change or give up that would make it easier and then just hold on, knowing it WILL get better again and that this is just a little hiccup. After all, if we don't have some down times, how will we know to truly appreciate the good times when they come along? Take care sister Nehi, luv ya!


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## Matthew_70 (Sep 5, 2013)

nehimama said:


> I'm just one weary, li'l ol' lady, trying to do it all - all by myself. I've been contemplating selling out - lock, stock, and barrel, and relocating. Maybe to a teeny-tiny ap't in town, or a smaller parcel of 10 acres or so, so I can continue to keep a few goats & chickens.


Couple of options for you.

1. Find a cheap trailer somewhere and lease it out to someone who is interested in the lifestyle.

2. Offer classes on gardening.

3. Start a community garden, and let out defined spaces to people.

4. I know you own the land and feel that you need to take care of it... but it was there before you and got along just fine. Put a fence up, and reduce your used acreage to ten or so, and just let the rest go to seed.

5. Put in chicken coops and fence areas in for them to run, and then rent them to people. Let someone else care for a few birds, and you get a small fee and they get great eggs.

A few years ago a good friend of mine told me that they abandoned their property because it was too much maintenance. I asked them, "Why didn't you just let some of the land go to seed?" They ran a B&B on the property, and also put in a grass landing strip so that people could fly there. Anyone can do that, and it gets money in your pocket and lets you hire someone to do maintenance.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

COSunflower said:


> Remember "The Golden Girls"??? I always thought it would be fun to be "The Country Girls"!!! 3 older, of the same mind, country girls on a small acreage...You'd have company, help, motivation, encouragement and FUN!!! You can work together and invite the local "Country Boys" for a country dinner on the weekends.


Actually there is a group of women that are doing something similar.
videos.komando.com/.../viral-videos-the-real-life-gold...


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

nehimama said:


> I'm just one weary, li'l ol' lady, trying to *do it all - all by myself.* I've been contemplating selling out - lock, stock, and barrel, and relocating. Maybe to a teeny-tiny ap't in town, or a smaller parcel of 10 acres or so, so I can continue to keep a few goats & chickens.
> 
> I'm tired! Tired of having *to do all *the mowing, and half the time the mower won't start. Tired of hauling firewood up to the *house in the winter *time, tired of bucking hay bales, tired of unloading 500# of feed and more at a time, tired of scrounging up $$$ to buy fire wood and hay. *Just tired, tired, tired - and dangitt, LONELY!* I'm wa-a-a-ay out here where *there's nobody else*. Granted, it's peaceful & quiet, and I adhere to my own schedule, but I'm sick 'n' TIRED of being *the sole ranchhand!
> *
> ...


SUCH good advice in this thread......
But what *I* hear is this:
Not the work, wearing you out.....the fact that there is no one to 'share' with.
Share the work load, the fun, the day, hopes, dreams, plans, schemes.
I *imagine* the busyness of it all keeps a person from ruminating on the fact it's only one, but everyone has to sit down some time, and that's when it gets 'lonely'.

Some days, the fear of just that, paralizes me.

I like the idea of a 'fresh set of eyes' looking at the situation, and figuring a way to work 'smarter, not harder' or downsizing....
i really like raddad's observations too.

Then again, maybe I read this whole thing wrong. 
I've done that a time or two!

You could take a butt ton of photo's of your place, post them up, and let the advice roll in!


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> SUCH good advice in this thread......
> But what *I* hear is this:
> Not the work, wearing you out.....the fact that there is no one to 'share' with.
> Share the work load, the fun, the day, hopes, dreams, plans, schemes.
> ...


You read it right, Laura!!!


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

nehimama said:


> I'm just one weary, li'l ol' lady, trying to do it all - all by myself. I've been contemplating selling out - lock, stock, and barrel, and relocating. Maybe to a teeny-tiny ap't in town, or a smaller parcel of 10 acres or so, so I can continue to keep a few goats & chickens.
> 
> I'm tired! Tired of having to do all the mowing, and half the time the mower won't start. Tired of hauling firewood up to the house in the winter time, tired of bucking hay bales, tired of unloading 500# of feed and more at a time, tired of scrounging up $$$ to buy fire wood and hay. Just tired, tired, tired - and dangitt, LONELY! I'm wa-a-a-ay out here where there's nobody else. Granted, it's peaceful & quiet, and I adhere to my own schedule, but I'm sick 'n' TIRED of being the sole ranchhand!
> 
> ...


You could try to do as my mother and I have done as our personal capacities have declined.

Downsize without actually getting rid of the property.

Look at your situation in baby steps planning out from your house to that which you have the capability to handle. That which you can't handle on your own, offer for lease on a share basis or such.

If you have timber for heating fuel and cant cut and haul it, consider offering free wood cutting permit in exchange for a portion dropped at your porch as a first step.

If there are city style folks living nearby consider offering a parcel for small plot gardening on shares and you offering a level of security watchman to ensure one urban gardener doesn't rob from another's plot.

If you had enough urban gardeners participating, you could even consider establishing a gardeners grange to help them do the farmers market angle and have a homestead themed social activities group.


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

yep feel all the above, BUT the Golden Girls had money!
I cant count on any body for free help, my kids dont do it, neighbors are you all kidding. If anything they call me to do stuff for them and when I say no they get all pissy. So I just hire a boy a few hours a month. dont know who but I have heard they have a christian group that matches roommates.


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

Nehi, I wore out that T-shirt 'till it had holes in it and hung in tatters... I also wore myself out spinning my wheels and getting nowhere fast with endless chores and obligations! 

I fixed that mess by downsizing and drastically simplifying my life. I also sold/gave away all of the "grocery eaters" that were not at least paying their way--in a big way. The animals I had special fondness for, I placed in special homes. My herd was drastically reduced to the point it became enjoyable again. I will always garden, but I don't need to cultivate a ton of stuff--just what I need to stock my pantry plus extra to some who are truly needy.

I reduced all of my obligations and responsibilities until I found myself with abundant free time to be my OWN best friend, and in doing so I could enjoy my family and friends more because I wasn't so plum tuckered out! 


.


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## Twobottom (Sep 29, 2013)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> SUCH good advice in this thread......
> But what *I* hear is this:
> Not the work, wearing you out.....the fact that there is no one to 'share' with.
> Share the work load, the fun, the day, hopes, dreams, plans, schemes.
> ...


There's a down side to that too. Remember other people have their own ideas of what they want and how things should be. It wont be long until what you want and what they want are at odds. Now, its not your place anymore. We all have this fantasy that we will meet another person and they will compliment and support our life and our plans. The problem is, in their mind YOU are there to compliment their life and their plans.

Maybe I'm not explaining this right IDK. I love my wife and I was feeling lonesome here and fed up on the homestead before we met just like Nehimamma. I was lacking motivation because everything I did was really just for me and I can live without alot of things. Now I have someone to share it with and thats great but I've had to make alot of compromises, some of which I'll never be completely thrilled with. Some of her plans and ideas are horrendous and unnecessarily complicated. Some are just plain bad ideas and I have to step in and say no and that leads to friction between us. But I can't say no to everything and I have to compromise sometimes. Still when I look at some of her operations and ideas in action it hurts my eyes ( not to mention my property values ).

All in all, you can either be lonely and peaceful or have company and be at odds. Like Chris Rock says you can be "single and lonely or married and bored, ain't no happiness nowhere".


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

nehimama I think this is my favorite goat baby!! It looks like a baby calf! I love it!!


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