# I know I know...another question about dating sites



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Ugh.

Ok, the kids I work with (23-30) have profiles on Plenty of Fish.
They meet and go out with people they find on dating websites.......

So I asked the 23 year old yesterday "why do you use a dating website? you are young, and can get out and meet people, stuff like that".
He said "I work all the time....this is easier".

So another kid at work (25) created a profile on POF.

This morning, I went on POF to just look.
Said I was female, looking for a male, 45-55.....
Then I looked the other way (said I was male, looking for a female 45-55)
Just to see what was out there, who is putting their 'profile' out there for all to see.....

Ok, it kinda makes sense.
You fill in a profile so that you don't waste time.
Example, you are a smoker, and someone is looking for a non smoker.
They would X your profile immediately because a smoker is NOT what they are looking for!!

However........

Maybe it's my age. Maybe it's my personal Beliefs. And maybe just maybe I am the odd man out........but it seems so 'wrong'. 

I asked the kids WHERE do you meet people in real life?
They said "I don't know, I work all the time and use dating sites".

This all seems so Orwellian......

Am I the only one that finds dating sites....strange?
Has anyone found it 'strange' but decided to 'jump in' anyway, and it worked out?


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## painterswife (Jun 7, 2004)

I met my husband 17 years ago on an internet dating site. It is a tool and it works well if you use it properly.


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

met mine in a bar but it use to be you met people at church, now besides dating sites I think its a good bet if you get out and start doing actives you like you might find a like minded person. I never has much luck with dating sites even the ones you pay for. I found that men say things that are just not truths. Like they have a job..have a car..live in a house...are really divorced/single...and the list gos on.... First husband was the boy next door, 2nd a friend introduced, 3rd bar, 4th & 5th Im still looking for


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

Forcast said:


> met mine in a bar but it use to be you met people at church, now besides dating sites I think its a good bet if you get out and start doing actives you like you might find a like minded person. I never has much luck with dating sites even the ones you pay for. I found that men say things that are just not truths. Like they have a job..have a car..live in a house...are really divorced/single...and the list gos on.... First husband was the boy next door, 2nd a friend introduced, 3rd bar, *4th & 5th Im still looking for*


 ound:


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## painterswife (Jun 7, 2004)

Forcast said:


> met mine in a bar but it use to be you met people at church, now besides dating sites I think its a good bet if you get out and start doing actives you like you might find a like minded person. I never has much luck with dating sites even the ones you pay for. I found that men say things that are just not truths. Like they have a job..have a car..live in a house...are really divorced/single...and the list gos on.... First husband was the boy next door, 2nd a friend introduced, 3rd bar, 4th & 5th Im still looking for


I met my first and only husband on a dating site. Sounds like you don't have much luck no matter where you meet them. Meeting people is only the first step. You have to get to know them before you jump into anything.


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## susieneddy (Sep 2, 2011)

We met on a dating site. First time we talked on the phone was for 4 hours. After talking for a week or so we decided it was time to meet. I said I would drive to see her since she lived 5 hrs away. After that weekend we drove back and forth for many months until she moved in with me. We have been together every since that first meeting.

She wasn't the first person I dated off that site but she was the first one that knocked my socks off. We both knew it that first weekend.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

I tried a dating site for a while because I literally am in beehives all day. Otherwise, no, I wouldn't have tried one. I simply don't meet many folks. I got tired of meeting men that fit the quote below so I removed my profile. 



Forcast said:


> I never has much luck with dating sites even the ones you pay for. I found that men say things that are just not truths. Like they have a job..have a car..live in a house...are really divorced/single...and the list gos on....


This has been my experience as well. My ex found my profile and decided to send me a 'flirt'. I was really really hurt when I read his absolutely untrue profile. He claimed that I had left him due to his physical disabilities. Nothing could be further from the truth. I still help him out from time to time because there are some things he just can't do. I left him because he is a narsicistic manipulator that has some other mental issues going on as well. Basically very mentally abusive.




Forcast said:


> First husband was the boy next door, 2nd a friend introduced, 3rd bar, 4th & 5th Im still looking for


Oh Lordy! I nearly spewed coffee on this one!


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

For many society has already devolved to a dystopian Orwellian existence.

Internet dating sites as mentioned above are simply a tool of introduction with no more successful, enjoyable or unbearable results than being set up on a blind date by a friend of the daughter of your mother's canasta partner.

Use it as the limited potential tool of introduction that it is in reality and you will not get disappointed.

As a matter of fact you may be able to use the free dating sites more effectively without even making a profile if they still have free no registration needed preferred zip code search and your familiar with location visual aspects as I was when my last marriage ended as I was only 8 years out.

You would be surprised at how many singles looking online take their selfie headshots at some of their local venues thinking it will save them time and someone else who is able to identify the local venue over the shoulder of the posted picture can go into the watering hole where it was taken and strike up real life intros with folks there and get better results than registering on an online dating site.

All you have to do is maintain the speed dial or wingman safety factors and any real life outing will give evaluation potential.

Even interactive online dating sites are simply conduits to the real life world of friends in low places and such where if they put down their devices they may actually get to interact with someone of their preference eye to eye instead of IP to IP.


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

I met my late Wife on Matchdoctor.com, almost 15 years ago?. Like Shrek say's, it's a great introduction tool. All You have to do is be honest with Yourself, and your potential dates-and have fun. before You start, You need to ask Yourself- "What do You want"? Good Luck Laura, go out there and meet people, and have some fun!


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

I met my Sweetie via POF. It's workin' out really well!


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## tamarackreg (Mar 13, 2006)

I have trolled a couple of the sights but never got involved.

Seems most of the profilers list the bar, church, restaurant, gym, sports, kids activities, etc, as their favorite activities - all places ripe to meet someone -

AND, describe themselves as happy, loving, loyal, honest, fun, outgoing, independent, cheerful, friendly.......... 

Reeeeeally, so why are you doing this??????? 

P.S. - No disrespect intended to the good, honest people who've had it work for them, just my jaded view of the whole "gotta meet somebody" thing. :cowboy:


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

nehimama said:


> I met my Sweetie via POF. It's workin' out really well!
> 
> View attachment 47766


Hay thats my 2nd one!


No just kidden, he's a keeper!


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

tamarackreg said:


> I have trolled a couple of the sights but never got involved.
> 
> Seems most of the profilers list the bar, church, restaurant, gym, sports, kids activities, etc, as their favorite activities - all places ripe to meet someone -
> 
> ...


 Those descriptions and naming of the bars, churches and other venues are all part of the "over the shoulder" images I spoke of above.

During my time of reviewing the then yahoo Personals (now part of match since 2009 )by zip code without joining, I identified a number of bars with pool shooting and dart throwing mixed leagues and a few churches with casually structured singles groups, all of which offered me a chance to check out various potential dates while in a safer group type environment.t


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

May I suggest that you (you in general; not you specifically!) don't gravitate to those who appear devastatingly handsome or drop dead gorgeous? My fellow had a truly DORKY-looking pic on his profile - not the one I posted above. However, I liked his write-up and gave him a chance, hoping against hope that a good personality would transcend a dorky photo - - and it WORKED!!!


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

He's a nice looking fellow, but I REALLY do love the horse! :shrug:

Mon


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## qtkitty (Apr 17, 2005)

I see it as a different way to get introduced to people. And people out of my loop that I wouldn't ever have met in rl. Plus it gives you a little pre buffer to gather facts and if things don't add up or you get that gut feeling you can just not go out. 

I went on one blind date put together by someone else. He was truly a nice guy but not for me.

Plus I do tend to go to work and come home to spend time with my daughter.. I never went to bars and feel uncomfortable around people who are drinking. My mom hasn't even hooked me up on blind dates although she frowns on internet dating. And I agree with her to a point but I think it is just another tool just like going to a bar or church there are bad and good people everywhere.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

"rd bar, 4th & 5th Im still looking for"
Funny if only joking. I Know of a five-time loser who has just about run her fifth into the ground.
Ox


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## sisterpine (May 9, 2004)

I reluctantly decided it was time for me to find a friend. In this vein I have decided to begin attending the small church near me and have signed up for E harmony. The whole thing is a bit un nerving for me but it has been 4.5 years since my divorce and life needs to move on. I am not looking for the love of my life (though that would be great) but am looking for a nice friend and complimentary companion.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Am I the only one that finds dating sites....strange?
> Has anyone found it 'strange' but decided to 'jump in' anyway, and it worked out?


No, yes, no.

You are not the only one that finds dating sites strange. However, I don't find the concept strange, I find what people actually use it for, not quite strange but frustrating.

Yes I jumped in anyway for the last three years...and no...no...no...it has not worked out.

Most people I have spoken to (which outweighs the number I have met by far) are NOT single and looking for weird or weird and looking to be not single.

And by weird I mean: Low self esteem, beaters, haters, drunks, druggies or general losers with negative outlooks on life, in bad situations or...have everything going for them except they have a really bad attitude or are racist.

I realize I am a bright ray of sunshine right now but I do have to say....if you are naive, intimidated easily, can't see red flags or simply a hopeful woman....don't get too invested. Lots of chaff......not a lot of wheat.

And for goodness sake...if you are an independent, confident, successful female that has an IQ over 100....you aren't going to find a match unless you just get that one in a million person who stumbled across it when you did.


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## susieneddy (Sep 2, 2011)

one thing I have learned from my 30 yr old son is that people in their 20's and 30's don't really date. They hang out with people their age and are friends with them. If they become sexual it is just a thing to satisfy their needs nothing more. 
It really doesn't sound a whole lot different when I was a teenager and in my 20's. It was just to get laid. This applies to both male and female.

Oh BTW I am 65 so yes it was happening way back then..lol


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Those were the hippie years. When I was a boy and young man only the tramps got laid. After I came back from service and worked a while, in the late fifties and early sixties, it was a bit more evident, but it really turned loose when the "hell no, I won't go" crowd came into its own. 

Even today there are men and women who consider sex a thing between man and wife, a bonding thing. I've noticed that those who are free with their bodies are slow to go beyond "what's good for me". They really do not consider the other person. After some years of that they become jaded and cannot really form the relationships that exist between childhood sweethearts who marry. 

That bothers me because the kids who engage in promiscuous sex are going to be very loosely attached to their spouses and will always compare them to someone else. Like the five-time loser, it will always be a commercial transaction.


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## Alice Kramden (Mar 26, 2008)

This is my question also. Where and how do you meet someone decent? I do not want someone you'd find in a bar, as I do not drink and don't want to be around bars and people drinking. Neither do I smoke, do drugs, party, or "you know" around. I dress very modestly, shorts to the knee and full shirts with no skin/cleavage showing. I am also 63 years old which is the biggest turn off for men. I am not attractive, and I am not girly-girl. I do not wear makeup and my hair is short with some gray in it. 

On the other hand, I am healthy, feel like I'm 20 years old, have tons of energy, and do not act like I'm that old. I'm still pretty good from the neck down, have been losing weight walking, and went on the paleo diet, no carbs. It is amazing what has happened since doing that. 

I'd like to find a guy with a motorcycle, a big Harley. I want to ride and go places and see things. I like guns. Would love to go shooting. I like steam trains, WWII fighter planes, want to fly in a P-51. 

I need someone who is my intellectual equal. Before you say that is egotistic, I mean someone who is intelligent enough to have a discerning conversation about most any subject under the sun. I think I'm pretty intelligent, and have been told so many times. I like to get hold of a subject and talk about it until it has been solved. I have met a few men who could do this, but they are always taken. 

I like to discuss current events, politics, and history. Old movies, books, music of all kinds. Everything that can be talked about, discussed and talked about some more.

Let me give an example of some subjects I'd like to get into a discussion about with an intelligent male who is also a good looking manly man so I can enjoy the debate even more:

Discuss the "Whiskey Rebellion" of 1791 and how it relates to NASCAR of today.

Discuss the British Navy's transition to enclosed bridges on their warships during World War II.

Explain how an airplane's wing provides lift to enable flight.

Discuss Gen. William T. Sherman's "March to the Sea" as regards the morality of war against civilians. 

There are many more. Where is someone who can and will sit and get into an in depth conversation about subjects like this? If you are out there, sing out. 

I'm thinking most of the guys out there would be so focused on the fact that I am "old" and lose sight of the fact that I still feel and act much younger. Older men want younger women, younger men don't want older women. We are left hanging, unwanted, and alone, a good thing going to waste. 

Dating websites, I'm leery of them. Anyone can be anything on the internet. Lies are easy to type into a screen. I'm glad it worked for some of you, but I am just not really trusting of them, especially to put my info out there. Besides, a pic of me would be counterproductive, except for those site stalkers who would figure I am so desperate that I would date them. 

Sorry to have such a long post, I get carried away. See, I like to talk, even if it is electronic!


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## homebody (Jan 24, 2005)

Oxankle said:


> Those were the hippie years. When I was a boy and young man only the tramps got laid. After I came back from service and worked a while, in the late fifties and early sixties, it was a bit more evident, but it really turned loose when the "hell no, I won't go" crowd came into its own.
> 
> Even today there are men and women who consider sex a thing between man and wife, a bonding thing. I've noticed that those who are free with their bodies are slow to go beyond "what's good for me". They really do not consider the other person. After some years of that they become jaded and cannot really form the relationships that exist between childhood sweethearts who marry.
> 
> That bothers me because the kids who engage in promiscuous sex are going to be very loosely attached to their spouses and will always compare them to someone else. Like the five-time loser, it will always be a commercial transaction.


I know a player who is exactly like this. nice looking, 34 -35yrs old, claims he can't find the right perfect woman. I believe he's just looking for easy, uncommitted sex. He said one time that when he meets someone, he just sits back and watches them knock themselves out-that he considers it entertainment. Always seems to find something wrong with them. Most self-absorbed and selfish, shallow man I have ever met.


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

In answer to Alice and others question of "where to find someone decent?", first you must take a good look at yourself and figure out where you belong first and identify what type of herd is the most like your kind and where they gather.

If you don't find any that you consider your kind, you have the choice of accepting that your kind is extinction bound or its time to search your other qualities and identify the strongest to cultivate into your dominant trait while abandoning the trait that was formerly your dominant trait.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

nehimama said:


> I met my Sweetie via POF. It's workin' out really well!
> 
> View attachment 47766


 Dang, I thought you met him at Dreamhorse.com! ound:


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Alice even the younger guys are looking for younger girls. Seems like all the men in their 40's are looking for 20 somethings with Daddy issues. Shocked the heck out of me when I realized that I was the 20 something with Daddy issues(Daddy died when I was 13) that my ex was lucky enough to get. He is 12 years older than me. I now realize that no woman his age would have had anything to do with him. I was 19 when I met him and just didn't have enough life experience to have good judgement where men were concerned.

Now that I'm 43 one of my problems is that I have a bit too much life experience. I am much wiser in the way of the world and won't put up with a bum. Maybe this is why the single men my age are looking for 20 somethings! ound:

I keep getting hit on by men in their very late 50's or 60's. Some of these fellas might be great guys, but I was pretty good at math in school. I don't want to have to repeat this process when I become a young widow.

Something odd that has been happening lately is that I have been hit on by a few much younger guys. I asked a younger guy that I know about this and he gave me an honest answer. A lot of the guys in their 20's are getting kicked out of their parents houses, can't make it on their own and they are looking for an older woman that has a house and a steady income to take care of them. :run:


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

TxMex........same thing here.
40-50 year old men want 20 year old girls.(bed bunny-immature 'giggle love')
20-30 year old men, want 40+ women (um, for the thrill of it or for a 'second mommy')

I don't want to spend the rest of my life 'alone'.......
But it's better than the alternative right now!!


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

I've met the girl I'm with now I met on the internet. Not a dating site as such but like homesteading today it was a site about one of our common interests. 
The girl before this I met on a dating site. 
The two before that I met here in the main homestead questions part. The one before that I met in the same place as the current Gf 
The one before that I met through a local newspapers personals ad. 
The one before that I met thru family. 
Before that was the wife I was with twenty years. Met her at the library .


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

In my dating I found it hard to date women 25 -45. 
In that age range they often are fully dedicated to their kids and still mad at men cause their Exs left them with the kids.

Under 25 they shake it off and still seem to have hope over 45 they have usually raised the kids and seem happy with the result. 

Or are widowed and have found the relationship satisfactory.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

TxMex said:


> ... I now realize that no woman his age would have had anything to do with him....
> 
> I keep getting hit on by men in their very late 50's or 60's. Some of these fellas might be great guys, but I was pretty good at math in school. I don't want to have to repeat this process when I become a young widow...


Back when I was in my 20's, ran across some guy talking about how he wouldn't have ANYTHING to do with a girl over 17...he was in his 30's. Some of these guys think they're more "special" than others...think they're "pick of the litter" when they just should have been bucketed. There were probably guys like this back in 530 BC.

And as far as age...it's all in the eyes of the beholder, and depends on the guy. Things don't always turn out the way you expect...there's some 40 year old guys that are older than an 80 year old. Actually, back in the day, I broke off with the guy that was 10 years younger than me, to go with the guy who was 20 years OLDER than me because the older guy was "younger". I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and lo and behold, 19 months later my husband (the same age as me) died! It's all in the PERSON kiddo, the heart, not the birthdate! Give 'em a chance for a cup of coffee, anyway!

Mon


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## Alice Kramden (Mar 26, 2008)

Thanks, Shrek. I must mull this over and decide where I best fit in.


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

TxMex said:


> Alice even the younger guys are looking for younger girls. Seems like all the men in their 40's are looking for 20 somethings with Daddy issues. Shocked the heck out of me when I realized that I was the 20 something with Daddy issues(Daddy died when I was 13) that my ex was lucky enough to get. He is 12 years older than me. I now realize that no woman his age would have had anything to do with him. I was 19 when I met him and just didn't have enough life experience to have good judgement where men were concerned.
> 
> Now that I'm 43 one of my problems is that I have a bit too much life experience. I am much wiser in the way of the world and won't put up with a bum. Maybe this is why the single men my age are looking for 20 somethings! ound:
> 
> ...


 It's not just the guys. Two women here in their mid 40s are going broke trying to fix themselves up to attract guys in their 20s while both of them have guys their age and up to mid 50s asking them out and neither of them will even consider going out with the guys their age because they both say that guys their own age make them feel so old. :shrug:


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Women my own age make me feel old. Der


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

Alice Kramden said:


> This is my question also. Where and how do you meet someone decent? I do not want someone you'd find in a bar, as I do not drink and don't want to be around bars and people drinking. Neither do I smoke, do drugs, party, or "you know" around. I dress very modestly, shorts to the knee and full shirts with no skin/cleavage showing. I am also 63 years old which is the biggest turn off for men. I am not attractive, and I am not girly-girl. I do not wear makeup and my hair is short with some gray in it.
> 
> On the other hand, I am healthy, feel like I'm 20 years old, have tons of energy, and do not act like I'm that old. I'm still pretty good from the neck down, have been losing weight walking, and went on the paleo diet, no carbs. It is amazing what has happened since doing that.
> 
> ...


Geez, you're talking homework before the first date. Do you have a boat and motor?


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## Alice Kramden (Mar 26, 2008)

:hysterical:No, I don't have a boat and motor. No Harley, although a long time ago I had a Kawasaki. Do have a very fine tuned sense of humor, and like to match wits with anyone. I bet most of us have these little dibs and dabs of off beat knowledge and facts that lurk in our brains, and would make good conversation bits. 

Since I read this thread, I have really wondered about what sort of match a dating site would come up with for me....it is an intriguing thought, almost tempting to try out. I do not have a picture to post, so that may save me from a vast disappointment. 

Of course, on the other hand, some guy out there is missing out on probably the best thing he ever could find? "C'est la vie"


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

as to your last, Ive heard that on here before. lol

What makes you such a great catch?? IF I was that great a looking, Id sure have a ton of pics to prove it even if I had to get somebody else to help me get them. AND I do have a buncha picks of me, and I KNOW Im not that great a looking.
Is it your wit, as you say your full of? Well, I don't know how much wit you posess, BUT I am sure, that I have at least 1/2 the wit you have lol.


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## RichNC (Aug 22, 2014)

FarmboyBill said:


> as to your last, Ive heard that on here before. lol
> 
> What makes you such a great catch?? *IF I was that great a looking*, Id sure have a ton of pics to prove it even if I had to get somebody else to help me get them. AND I do have a buncha picks of me, and I KNOW Im not that great a looking.
> Is it your wit, as you say your full of? Well, I don't know how much wit you posess, BUT I am sure, that I have at least 1/2 the wit you have lol.


What do her looks have to do with it, if she is kind, smart, loving and caring, witty, funny, than what diffence does it make, she seems to be a good person to me...and well I am not all about looks as I venture out into this world of dating which I haven't done in more years than I can count.

An honestly Bill, what do you bring to the table for a gal who is looking, can you support anyone other than yourself?


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

I don't know why you say you're old Alice. at 63 if you are in excellent health as you seem to be you are in your prime. I know what you mean though. I'm a history buff myself. old English history. haven't found many who can carry on a decent conversation on that. only one really. a professor at the university here. he passed recently. we would talk for hours. good thing I have many more interests though. ~Georgia.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Rich, I bring nothing to the table, that's why I aint bellying up to it lol. I guess you missed my attempt at wit, or 1/2 of it.


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## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

Alice Kramden said:


> Where and how do you meet someone decent? I do not want someone you'd find in a bar, as I do not drink and don't want to be around bars and people drinking. Neither do I smoke, do drugs, party, or "you know" around. I dress very modestly, shorts to the knee and full shirts with no skin/cleavage showing. I am also 63 years old which is the biggest turn off for men. I am not attractive, and I am not girly-girl. I do not wear makeup and my hair is short with some gray in it.
> 
> On the other hand, I am healthy, feel like I'm 20 years old, have tons of energy, and do not act like I'm that old. I'm still pretty good from the neck down, have been losing weight walking, and went on the paleo diet, no carbs. It is amazing what has happened since doing that.
> 
> ...


Alice, I'm a woman, but I gotta tell ya- what you wrote would make a fabulous dating site profile for the right guy!

I've tried a few sites, and had more than one spectacular fail. Some just didn't mesh with the homesteading mindset, but most just wanted sex. I'm not a sex-on-the-first-date kind of gal, so they don't call again. No loss!

Last week I tried a new site for older folks, OurTime. 40's and 50's and up generally. I hate taking pics of myself, but managed to get something I was fairly happy with and posted it. I got the usual "hello sexy, give me your number" crap; but there was one who wrote "you look Victorian, I keep looking at your picture and feeling like I've seen you in a book before. That picture keeps haunting me- I would really like to talk to you."

We talked for two and a half hours last night.


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## vickinell (Oct 10, 2003)

Years ago I posted on this site. Corresponded for awhile but nothing came of it.
Now out of the blue I get messages from the site. They are like jokes....bad jokes. 
Ancient and female. I have tried to unregister, I got my grand daughter to try and I am still getting messages.


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## Buffy in Dallas (May 10, 2002)

I was thinking about internet dating until I saw this site.

http://www.consumeraffairs.com/dating_services/index.html


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

What did you object to??


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## Buffy in Dallas (May 10, 2002)

Well, after reading the ratings, the only ones that had positive ratings were the expensive sites. (like over $2,500.00)

Did you read the comments under each company?
Example: OKCupid had 68 comments and a one star rating. 
There were comments like...

"Latest release removed name search function. New picture scrolling has severe problems. Speed is very slow now to access messages or any functions"

"First time tried this site. I warned a man who contacted me to communicate off of the site by offering me his personal email and phone #. I told him that he should not do so. To my surprise, he reported me and my profile was permanently disabled by OkCupid. I did nothing wrong rather than trying to follow the rules and help OkCupid, but I was banned from the site."

"If you clear your cookies on your computer you will not be able to log on."

"This site is full of scam artist."

"OkCupid has a lot of robot profiles."

"I'm a woman who is frustrated with OKCupid for deleting my account for no reason. No customer service. Don't pay for an account because you'll get randomly deleted."

I read a lot of the comments for most of the different sites. They were all the same. Scam artists, robot profiles, randomly deleted accounts...etc.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Wait.......you have to pay to be on a dating site?
How does that work?? Is it like a 1 time fee or a monthly thing like a country club?

What?

I think I just puked in my mouth a little bit.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

So, not that this is scientific or anything but I've been experimenting with dating sites, social sites and talking to a lot of people. And this is what I've found out summed up in general.

Sure a lot of people have found lasting friendships or love via the internet or hanging out in churches, going to bars, etc. 

People have a better time with each other as human beings interacting in person. Less people get taken advantage of interacting more in person than online.

Talking to someone online can be a lot like reading a book. You get emotionally invested AND you make up some details that aren't true. You can end up developing the character of the other person in your head which doesn't align with reality.

I actually have better luck with finding people to spend time with, as friends or potentials ANYWHERE but restaurants, bars and churches lol

I have made some very good friends in an online environment though. Mostly homesteading women.

And for this "old lady" of 40, who is attracted physically more to men my own age or older.....the only ones that seem interested in wanting actual relationships (friends or romantic) are men in their 30's. The 20-somethings and the 70-80 somethings that hit on me...that's all about sex. Men my age I've been meeting on the streets seem to be in a phase, and it's not always all about sex, it's about they don't know what they want either. Understandable for what some have gone through OR simply are like. 

It would appear that I have two gentlemen now that like to meet up for lunch or a drink and dinner. They are both in their mid 30's. There is no talk about being romantic, just visiting and talking.

I had a light bulb go on when I received this text, "Thanks for meeting me for dinner. I really like our talks. It's been hard to find good conversation."

The light bulb:
I've knows these two guys for a few months. One I work with and one I met at a storage area where I was helping my friend load her truck with her things and he was helping his friend unload a truck into storage lol. There has never been undertones of "I wanna sex you up"

So looking back on my life and the best friendships and best romaticships I've had here are the similarities:

*Worked along side each other
*Can talk about more than the weather
*Has experienced a lot of life irregardless of age (and usually has traveled)
*Has decent self esteem (confident and humble)
*Slow to anger

I'm sure this won't be the same for everyone in regards to the repeated pattern. But perhaps in order to find someone to have a strong friendship with or romanticship with, everyone needs to look back and see what the repeating qualities are of the people that you've had the best relationships with in your life....both male and female...because I think it's not about what is romantic, it's about identifying the qualities of people that you get along best with.

Me, for instance, I have a very low tolerance threshold for things like, whining, over-dramatizing and laziness. I also won't deal with someone who is quick to anger and wants to fight, doesn't really matter how great looking, how much money they have or anything else. It's very difficult for me to allow things or people into my life I do not respect, I don't respect people who aren't actively working on living and being better. They make other people for these people.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

> So looking back on my life and the best friendships and best romaticships I've had here are the similarities:
> 
> *Worked along side each other
> *Can talk about more than the weather
> ...


I envy you.
I feel so lost.....

I partied hard from 16-24.......don't get me wrong, I had a good time; well so I was told (ha ha)......but didn't form a lot of 'deep long lasting' relationships.
From 24 until my late 40's, I was a wife and a mommy. I did all the wife and mommy things, plus homeschooled, maintained an enormous garden, worked out side the home 4-5 nights a week, did travel sports w/ my son etc.
In my late 40's everything I thought about my life from 24 to the present day, was a lie. Pretty earth shattering, mind altering stuff.....

So now, in my late 40's I am trying to discover 'who I am, what I like, where I am headed'. 
I will succeed. This much I know.
But the lack of human contact is taking its toll on me. 
I would give just about anything to have someone genuinely care about my day, look forward to seeing me, and wrapping their arms around me; kissing me on the forehead and telling me 'you're doing fine missy!" 
I want to cook for someone; have the home sparkling clean when someone gets home from work; sit close to someone, hold hands, look into their eyes as they tell me about their day......

God said it is NOT good for man to be alone......I see why :Bawling:


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## tamarackreg (Mar 13, 2006)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> I feel so lost.....
> 
> I will succeed.
> But the lack of human contact is taking its toll on me.


The lack of "human contact" is having the opposite effect with me. 

What I see in my trolling only encourages the trend. LOL

And I'll succeed too! 

Funny how we're all different.


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

We took a couple out on a blind date set up tonight after weighing for two months if we should set them up.

After a day on the river and an afternoon cookout we left them together and went back to her house.

On my way back here to my house I saw the couple's truck at the local adult's weekend/evening hangout hamburger/ ice cream cone joint eight hours after we left them so I guess it was a safe blind date set up.


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## Buffy in Dallas (May 10, 2002)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Wait.......you have to pay to be on a dating site?
> How does that work?? Is it like a 1 time fee or a monthly thing like a country club?
> 
> What?
> ...


From my understanding, you can sign up for free, but if you actually want to contact anyone you see, you have to PAY. Most of the places you can do monthly or yearly payments. But good luck cancelling. A lot of the complaints were about the sites continuing to debit their account after they cancelled. To the point where they had to close their bank acct.

Here's an excerpt from reviews of E Harmony.

"This company offers 'Free to join' and when you visit their site they take you through 20 to 30 minutes of questions before you then find out that you cannot see your matches' photos until you pay what seems to me to be an exorbitant monthly premium. "

"What started out as a $70.00 trial turned into a $210.00 disaster. I tried to cancel once I realized it was so expensive but they refused and continued to debit my checking account."


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

What a racket. 
It just seems so......desperate, so shallow......and it may not be......but man, that's quite a racket, changing people to 'meet'.......


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

What I hate is, they wont tell you how long a pic has been there with the owner NOT checking back in for months and 1/2 a year UNTIL you buy a subscription.


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## tamarackreg (Mar 13, 2006)

Lot's of people and industries feed off the taught "need to be with someone" and "loneliness".

There's a lot to be found when you get past it!


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> I envy you.


I'm flattered....but this is hardly wise 



Laura Zone 5 said:


> I feel so lost.....


I understand and of course you are! You don't know you! You have spent so long taking care of everyone else you haven't had a chance to meet yourself. 



Laura Zone 5 said:


> ......but didn't form a lot of 'deep long lasting' relationships.
> From 24 until my late 40's, I was a wife and a mommy. I did all the wife and mommy things, plus homeschooled, maintained an enormous garden, worked out side the home 4-5 nights a week, did travel sports w/ my son etc.
> In my late 40's everything I thought about my life from 24 to the present day, was a lie.


Right. Just remember when I say relationships I mean all of them...from the meat counter guy that you see once or twice a month all the way to parents, passing friends in childhood...everyone. If you examine things like, what you liked and disliked about them, etc. You start gaining insight. Even if it turned out to be a bad relationship there is always something to learn.



Laura Zone 5 said:


> Pretty earth shattering, mind altering stuff.....


Actually.....it is. Mind altering anyway.



Laura Zone 5 said:


> But the lack of human contact is taking its toll on me.


Only because you had your mind altered from 24 to present day  Like most human beings.



Laura Zone 5 said:


> I would give just about anything to have someone genuinely care about my day, look forward to seeing me, and wrapping their arms around me; kissing me on the forehead and telling me 'you're doing fine missy!"
> I want to cook for someone; have the home sparkling clean when someone gets home from work; sit close to someone, hold hands, look into their eyes as they tell me about their day......


You and me both, sister. Well no...actually, I wouldn't give ANYTHING...but I would give a lot 



Laura Zone 5 said:


> God said it is NOT good for man to be alone......


That's why he made animals next. It wasn't until later when the surgery was performed and we were naked together.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

> Right. Just remember when I say relationships I *mean all of them*...from the meat counter guy that you see once or twice a month all the way to parents, passing friends in childhood...everyone. If you examine things like, what you liked and disliked about them, etc. *You start gaining insight.* Even if it turned out to be a bad relationship there is always something to learn.


Ok, that makes me feel more 'sane' because that's what I have been doing......

I have come to a couple of conclusions.

1. I will be alone, till I die, and that sucks.

2. I love men. I always have. I am very attracted to 'manly' men.
One that can throw open the hood of any car, and dive in; and know what he's doing.
Rough hands, strong back, work ethic second to none.
Opens doors, says "you look beautiful" not "wow you're hot, wana do it".
Real, honest (to a fault), 

3. I don't want someone 'up my butt' all the time, nor do I want to be 'up his butt' all the time; like a fireman, policeman, military man; one who's job creates a certain amount of 'space' between he and I. 
Soooooo that when we ARE together, it's because we WANT to be together, not because 'it's just what we do cause we work the same schedule'. 
I want to WANT to be w/ someone and I want them to WANT to be with me. i don't want to be a routine/habit.

4. I want to go fishing, not sit in front of the TV. 
I want to go boating, beach combing, rock hounding, farming, ANYTHING except sit in front of the TV.....
I don't have to be constantly entertained, but I don't want my brains to rot out in front of the TV!! 
I don't want someone who is 'attached' to a gaming system-computer-table-cell phone-or some other such device. 

5. I want to cook together, work on cars together, go shooting, heck, go hunting, go fishing, play dress up and go out to dinner every once in a blue moon......but I want to be able to go out with friends (and he with his) and no one goes into freak out mode.

I'm really gonna be alone aren't I.......crap.

ETA: OMGosh, hear me loud and clear......this is not a mopey joe, debbie downer, woe is me post.......
Pretty much it's a straight forward, no bull poop kind of post.
I'm frustrated because I 'feel like a freak off a leash'.
I just want to have a normal (whatever the hades that is) relationship, and it seems everyone is just looking for a hook up / a mommy / or a nurse maid.
Oy Vey


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