# Can I have a hug?



## frazzlehead (Aug 23, 2005)

Hey guys.

I'm having a bad day, and I need a hug. I figured I would just come here and ask for one, cause I can be pretty sure my fibre family will give me the great big virtual hug of encouragement I need today.

I can't breathe - it's just the anxiety, and I know I really *can* breathe, but I am feeling all claustrophobic and panicked. It's a year now since I woke up and realized I couldn't go to work. Last year, it was the arrival of what would've been my daughter's 16th birthday and I just felt like I needed to take that day to honour her. Then the next day I still wasn't myself. Nor the day after. Eventually I realized I was having what we colloquially call "a nervous breakdown" and so, here I am. Much better than I was - thank heavens - but still not all in one piece, not by a long shot.

It feels like it will take forever to get well. PTSD is, quite often, a chronic condition - but I know that I will not always be this wrung out, that I will, eventually, learn better coping skills. I know that the reason I'm having trouble now is that the coping skills that saw me through the hell of my prior life weren't set aside when things calmed down, and so the ingrained habits of watchfulness and instant over-reaction make me crazy now because there's no call for them anymore. But knowing it doesn't make the air come into my lungs, doesn't make it easy to sleep at night, doesn't make me feel like less of a failure.

So ... here's me, slightly embarassed to be asking, but asking anyway.

Help? Can you send some positive thoughts my way and cheer me up a little?


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## Guest (Feb 14, 2012)

Hugs sweetie..


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## JDog1222 (Aug 19, 2010)

:grouphug:


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## hercsmama (Jan 15, 2004)

:grouphug: Bless your heart, you poor thing. Massive cyber hugs from me.


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## TNnative (May 23, 2004)

Hugs, hugs, hugs! Hope it helps.


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## rootsandwings (Apr 20, 2004)

I'm new to this forum and don't know your story, but I've been thinking of you all day as I stole moments to work on your shawl - which is brightening a long rough week for me.

I wish you could feel me smiling at you in thanks as I sit by the fire with it tonight.


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## stef (Sep 14, 2002)

Do you mind if I share a little about myself in order for you to believe the sincerity of my 'hug'?
I became ill late last August and was hospitalized. The condition was with me for months and I am still dealing with it, although not as severely. But it's daily on my mind.
After about five months I hit a real bottom. I am a Christian and believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and have received many answers to prayer, including healings. But it seemed like He did not answer my prayer like I asked. I was exhausted from lack of sleep and anxiety and couldn't fight anymore and I told Him so. To my mind came the Scripture verse from Deuteronomy 33:27, "The eternal God is thy Refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms....".
So, with no feelings, little faith, I let myself 'fall' down into His arms. And in my heart I knew He was 'there', and it comforted me. If I died His arms would receive me. Even if I was afraid, He was there.

So, I send you, from my heart a hug...and assurance that no matter what you feel like right now, and I believe you as to how horrible it is, you are not alone.


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## PKBoo (Apr 10, 2008)

Thoughts, hugs, and prayers coming your way frazzle. I'm almost done with your book, and have been thinking of you this week, knowing it would be a tough one. :grouphug:

Please know that your book has already helped one person - (ME), in an insignificant little problem, so I have no doubt that it will touch the heart and soul of many others. May you find healing and peace as you work through this, (and you WILL find healing and peace!)

Another :grouphug:


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## Pearl B (Sep 27, 2008)

:grouphug: This too shall pass. Sometimes when I feel I need it, I find an inspirational verse and just keep repeating it.


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## Callieslamb (Feb 27, 2007)

{{{HUUUUUUG}}} Hope you're back to yourself again soon.


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## frazzlehead (Aug 23, 2005)

Thank you guys - there are tears in my eyes, I feel so loved. Thank you thank you. I knew you could help me. 

RootsAndWings - I've been knitting on mine today too! We can smile at each other, long distance.  

Stef - thank you for sharing your experience! I'm a Quaker, and my faith has helped me immensely through all of this. One of the guided imagery CDs I have listened to (which really, really helps me with the PTSD) says, at the end "You are held in the hands of God, and you are perfectly, utterly, safe."

I hear that over and over in my head - no matter *what* happens to me, I am held in the hands of God, in my life and in my death. There is nothing ... NOTHING... that can change that. And I drift off to sleep, smiling, thinking of how God holds me no matter what. Your words just reminded me of that, and I had forgotten. Thanks. 

PKBoo - I'm so glad the book has helped you! That makes my day to hear that.

Doin' better all the time. Thank you all so much, my fibre family.


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## frazzlehead (Aug 23, 2005)

Pearl B. said:


> This too shall pass.


AMEN PearlB! Now why didn't I think to tell myself that?  

Talk about an inspirational verse! (Okay, it's not a verse, but it sure does help!)


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## Chaty (Apr 4, 2008)

:grouphug: :grouphug: Frazzle we will always be here for you! :grouphug:


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## frazzlehead (Aug 23, 2005)

Chaty, that just brings tears to my eyes... the good kind!

Gosh, I just love you all to bits. Thanks, guys.


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## gone-a-milkin (Mar 4, 2007)

Oh, am I too late?

I would also like to offer you a warm woolly hug. 

Perhaps things are finally doing their total push through for you.
You have worked all year to resolve so much inner stuff and reading your words tonight I am struck by your awareness of what is happening.

To me it looks like things are actually easing up, in the "it hurts to relax" manner that strong people feel this stuff.

Infinite big hugs from me too. 
Tomorrow is another day. 

Dont stop knitting! :kissy:


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## jd4020 (Feb 24, 2005)

Hope you are doing better today.
((Hugs and a pat on the shoulder as well))
God bless,
jd


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## frazzlehead (Aug 23, 2005)

GAM, never too late! And JD, I'm doing better already.

I can breathe easier. 

Thank you to every single one of you for helping me get through.

There's air now.

I think I will even be able to sleep.

May God bless us, every one.


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## SvenskaFlicka (Nov 2, 2011)

Here's a hug for you. I'm praying for you.


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

{{{{{hugs}}}}} and just go to your happy fiber place.


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## Katherine in KY (May 11, 2002)

A day late...Frazzle, the fact that you came here and asked for a hug shows how much you are healing. You are so strong and are making such progress in getting through this. Take it easy today which will always be a tough one, and know that many thoughts are headed your way, and we are all pulling for you.


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## Marchwind (May 10, 2002)

I'm late to the Frazzle hug fest too  but I send one huge cyber hug anyway because you can never have too many hugs. Long ago when my life was in huge turmoil about like it has been lately only I had two small children I was responsible for. What helped me was the old AA 12 steps. My ex was/is and alcoholic and I tried going to al-anon for a bit. I hated the meetings because my life seems so good compared to others. I figured it wasn't healthy if I was minimalizing my life. But what I took away from those meeting were the 12 steps. The first is the absolute most important and the one that I live by every day. One Day At A Time. All you have to do is get through this day. That's it, just one day, not a week, not a month. Be present in this day and no other. The past is done, we can't do anything about that. But we can change how we think about it. The future. It hasn't even happened yet so why are we even thinking about it. Today is THE day, live it and be happy for it. And if this is a bad one, you get a do over tomorrow.

We love you Frazzle. Happy Valentine's Day! Be surrounded by the love you have in your house and know you are loved. I'm sure if your daughter were alive today she would be with you and loving you as much as you live her. We can only dream of that though. Be at peace with your memories.


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## PollySC (Jan 17, 2006)

Joining in late, too, but praying that today is brighter for you.


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## 7thswan (Nov 18, 2008)

Awww,Frazzel you have a big ol Hug from me.


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## Falls-Acre (May 13, 2009)

:grouphug: A bit late, but hoping today is a brighter day for you Frazzle.


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## Ana Bluebird (Dec 8, 2002)

Remember: one day at a time. big hug


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## Mrs. Homesteader (May 10, 2002)

Praying for you as well and sending you a warm gentle hug from Ohio.


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## MullersLaneFarm (Jul 23, 2004)

Praying today is going okay for you. I know it is a hard one but you have many, many friends that love you and lift you up in prayer.

We can't drive using the rear-view mirror. To drive safely, we can only glance at it and know it is in our past, then return our view to the windshield and go forward.

We love you, Frazzle! :grouphug:


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## Faith (Jun 13, 2008)

Hugs from a newbie!


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## tallpines (Apr 9, 2003)

I'm wanting to join in, too, please.
:grouphug:
Hugs specially to Frazzle and to everyone who needs it.

I must admit though that I'm going to be absorbing a big bunch back to myself...............

(I didn't cry at my Daddy's funeral last week but I have been ever since.)


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## frazzlehead (Aug 23, 2005)

I go to bed, manage to sleep ... wake up at 3 am (and then surf lace patterns while working out a new design in my head for a few hours) ... finally doze off again and when I come back ...

Look at all this love I'm surrounded by!

WOW! Thank you all, so very much.

Tallpines, you can have as big a share of the hugs as you need. Cry as long as it takes to let all the sadness out. We're all here for each other.

And today I should be able to cast off the second of the two shawls I made from that new pattern ... and maybe I'll do some more design work on the one that was keeping me occupied in the early morning hours. Goin' to my fibre happy place!

Love you all. 

WIHH ... no books yet! They should've been here by now, but I'm still waiting. Any day now, I'm sure!


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

:angel::grouphug::angel:

Praying for you, and sending a big hug!!


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## Pigeon Lady (Apr 4, 2004)

Oh I missed this. Been down with migraines. Big, big hugs from me too. I know exactly how you were feeling the other day! It's so scary. I'm glad you are coming around a bit.

Hugs to you too Tallpines. Yesterday was the anniversary (a year) of my Mum's death. I held up pretty good even though I was home alone all day. I'm making a memorial water garden for her so I forced myself to start planning the beds and looking for the various plants and shrubs I want to include. 

Frazzlehead, I keep meaning to ask you, what is your daughter's name?

Love and more hugs,

Pauline


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## chamoisee (May 15, 2005)

Dear Frazzlehead, I understand what you are talking about completely. I am in the very same boat. I am so sorry you're having a sucky time. The only thing I can say is- be nice to yourself. Seriously. Imagine if someone you loved and cared about was experiencing what you are now, how would you treat them? If we can't treat ourselves nicely, it isn't fair to expect other people to. 

Do things that nourish your soul and don't feel guilty about it. All the nice things you would do for a partner or child who was going through this, do those things for yourself. And don't feel ashamed for not being stronger. 

(I am writing this as much to myself as to you)


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## frazzlehead (Aug 23, 2005)

Pauline an ornamental garden is a great idea. My mom and dad had one called "Mary's Garden" - for a lady they knew very well. It was so pretty and brought her to mind all the time. Hope you're doing okay.

Chamoisee, you are so right - that's one of the hardest lessons, isn't it? Be as good to yourself as you'd be to someone else. 

I knit and rested and took it as easy as I could and I got through. My daughter's name is Jessica - yesterday would've been her 17th birthday. The day itself was all right - I'm not sad about it so much anymore but i do notice that any of my existing 'stuff' gets bigger around this time of year, like my coping skills are all engaged in keeping me in one piece so I have little left for the rest of life's annoyances. 

But I got the shawl done, I have all of you, my family were supportive, and the sun is out today and it's lovely outside. And maybe there'll be lambs soon! Life is good, even when you have troubles that persist in keeping you company on your journey.


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## susanne (Nov 4, 2004)

totally late as always 
but maybe it counts that since i read your blog last year that i think of you very often? 
i wish you all the best, positive thoughts all the way and may your healing continues


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## frazzlehead (Aug 23, 2005)

Thanks Suzanne - it's nice to know people think of me (and to hear that people read what I write!)

So just after I saved the post this morning ... my son showed up at the door to tell me we had lambs!

Twin ram lambs born this morning. This year we are naming everyone "G" names - so we have Gandalf and Gimli. I'll post gratuitouos lamb pictures later - we had to hurry and get them sorted out with their mama and then head out to my son's Lego Robotics club so we didn't have time for pictures. Tonight!

Nothing like baby sheep to cheer a person up.


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## Marchwind (May 10, 2002)

Ooooooo, babies  love this time of year.


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