# I’m Announcing my candidacy for president and the creation of my platform here



## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Concurrent with announcing my candidacy for president of the United States I am going to have my name legally changed to “None of the Above”. Since I seem to be quite late in the running you may expect to see my name near the bottom of the list of candidates. 

I will also be using this thread to announce the planks in my platform


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## CKelly78z (Jul 16, 2017)

Name recognition rather like Eddie Murphy in "The Distinguished Gentleman" movie.


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## ed/La (Feb 26, 2009)

You could use your casino winnings to finance your campaign.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

ed/La said:


> You could use your casino winnings to finance your campaign.


 Yep that’s what I did here


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## GTX63 (Dec 13, 2016)

One of your primary opponents will likely be Vermin Supreme; Vermin Love Supreme to be exact.
If elected President of the United States, he will pass a law requiring people to brush their teeth.
He has campaigned on a platform of zombie apocalypse awareness and time travel research, and promises a free pony for every American.
Better brush up on your debating skills and kissing babies...


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

I’m not sure if I can beat somebody with all that going for them perhaps I should offer him a place on my ticket as vice president?


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Is that pony thing and optional or a requirement?


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## Cabin Fever (May 10, 2002)

I think you should run as the Tupperware Party candidate.


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## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

and promise good tomatoes


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## mnn2501 (Apr 2, 2008)

AmericanStand said:


> Is that pony thing and optional or a requirement?


Yeah, I don't really want a living lawn ornament.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

I’m thinking if everybody gets a free pony a lot more people are going to move to the country


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## CKelly78z (Jul 16, 2017)

DemocRAT, Repugnantcan, Libertarian, Green Movement, White Nationalist ? Or will you be running on the Modern Whig ticket ?

Give some thought towards a running mate also.


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## IndyDave (Jul 17, 2017)

CKelly78z said:


> DemocRAT, Repugnantcan, Libertarian, Green Movement, White Nationalist ? Or will you be running on the Modern Whig ticket ?
> 
> Give some thought towards a running mate also.


Modern Whig? Is that one in pastel colors rather than the traditional powdered white?


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Nope it’s the none of the above party.... 
A sure winner


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## SLADE (Feb 20, 2004)

The other guy party?


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## crehberg (Mar 16, 2008)

If you win, I want a cabinet position.... nothing too serious, mind you. Secretary Assistant General of Naps or something...


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## montysky (Aug 21, 2006)

Since part of your platform, gives free ponies away to have more people move to the Country, and I live in the country and don't want more people out here - I have no choice but to vote for the Garden Gnome with minty fresh breath.


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## CKelly78z (Jul 16, 2017)

I'll take a cabinet member position in the department of the "interior" (that's everything outdoors isn't it) ?


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## Nimrod (Jun 8, 2010)

I think a pony for every American is a bad plank for your party. It may garner votes but has unintended consequences. There is already a problem in the parks and neighborhoods with dog waste. Now imagine if everyone had a pony.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

I need some new cabinets in my kitchen if you are qualified I could appoint a couple of good carpenters there.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Nimrod said:


> I think a pony for every American is a bad plank for your party. It may garner votes but has unintended consequences. There is already a problem in the parks and neighborhoods with dog waste. Now imagine if everyone had a pony.


Well I know about an agency of the government that captures wild horses 
What if we give them away but you have to pick them up yourself ?


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## Nimrod (Jun 8, 2010)

Can we ship the waste to DC? They won't even notice.


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## itsb (Jan 13, 2013)

free ponies would be a bad choice, their impact on the environment would be a political disaster, remember they fart too! but good luck in your candidacy.
Make America Simple Again= MASA


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## emdeengee (Apr 20, 2010)

Henry IV of France ran his kingdom on the motto of a chicken in every pot every Sunday and was known as King Henry the Good and King Henry the Great - but he was still assassinated. You can only buy some of the people.


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## GTX63 (Dec 13, 2016)

American Stand, here is the "VLS" dossier and platform straight from the Vermin Supreme Headquarters.
Know your opponent. Looking at his positions, you may even be interested in VS as his running mate.

Vermin is Pro Choice for the Death Penalty Tax

However when push comes to shove , I'm a reasonable man.
PONIES IN SPACE MUST BE AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE PRIORITY .

ZOMBIE PREPAREDNESS must be another NUMBER ONE PRIORITY.
DUCT TAPE and PLASTIC sheeting will MAKE AMERICA SAFER .
FEMA run ZOMBIE TURBINES is another NUMBER ONE PRIORITY..
PONIES WILL MAKE AMERICA STRONGER.
RE-PURPOSING LAW ENFORCEMENT
FOR DENTAL HYGIENE PURPOSES is PRIORITY NUMBER ONE .

Education- Vermin proposes a maximum of 30 school children for every one janitor

Vermin will eliminate the following departments and use the buildings for stables and boarding
Agriculture







b) Arts







c) Defense







d) Education







e) Environment







f) Homeland Security







g) International aid







h) Medical Research







i) Scientific Research
Greatly Increase







j) Space exploration and having the first pony in space will be initiated on day 1 of my Presidency.
Eliminate







k) United Nations
Eliminate







l) Welfare

Energy- Vermin believes in harnessing the renewable energy sources from zombies, utilizing a nationwide grid of giant hamster wheels.
Foreign Policy- He will eliminate our massive debt by waging war against the godless Chinese and reigning hoards of American made bombs down on their country. Without the godless Chinese we will be able to write off the money owed.

America's official HEALTH CARE policy.
MANDATORY TOOTHBRUSHING LAWS will keep America SMILING. 
Unwell American's will be placed in a DOG CARRIER, strapped to the roof of MITT ROMNEY's, car, and driven to Canada. 
My Universal Elf Care Plan will ASSURE that all good little girls and boys will continue to receive annual elf-made PRESENTS.
Mine is the only HEALTH CARE that includes the cost of RAISING THE DEAD.

Same Sex Marriage-All marriages will be immediately nullified and outlawed and replaced with Friends With Benefits.

Social Security-During the SHOCK TRANSITION to a PONY BASED ECONOMY, there will be many hardships.
We will use SOCIAL SAFETY NETS to catch, and contain, the POOR PEOPLE.
CITIZENS will be allowed to use portions of their SocSecTax on LOTTERY TICKETS.
My new Discount DOGFOOD for Seniors Program, will not only subsidize the PONY carcass processing INDUSTRY,
it will assure affordable PROTEIN in all senior households, those with pets, and those without


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## wy_white_wolf (Oct 14, 2004)

I'll only vote for you if you adopt the Homer Simpson platform...Sprinkles on every donut.


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## mnn2501 (Apr 2, 2008)

wy_white_wolf said:


> I'll only vote for you if you adopt the Homer Simpson platform...Sprinkles on every donut.


No, No, No. I hate sprinkles on doughnuts. I demand the addition of KDSF to the platform (*K*eep *D*oughnuts *S*prinkle *F*ree)


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Are donuts mandatory ?


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## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

not if you provide biscuits and gravy


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## no really (Aug 7, 2013)

whiterock said:


> not if you provide biscuits and gravy


Now that sounds great, in fact I think that will be supper.


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## Bearfootfarm (Jul 13, 2006)

mnn2501 said:


> Yeah, I don't really want a living lawn ornament.


Think of it as a self propelled lawn mower and fertilizer spreader all rolled into one.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

I’m pretty sure I can make biscuits and gravy a substantial part of my platform.


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## reneedarley (Jun 11, 2014)

In Denmark a few years ago a popular comedian ran for Parliament. He campaigned for head winds for cyclists ( a lot of cyclists in Denmark) to his surprise he was voted in. His first reaction was to say that it was all a joke and relinquish his seat. But then he thought , if people have voted for me, I should respect their wishes. So, he was in Parliament for four years and really worked hard at being a responsible politicion. 
Unlike Trump, he stopped being a comedian for those four years. 
Afterwards he said "Never Again"
Good Luck American Standard.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Ok. My first plank. 
None of the above shall be a option in each race. If none of the above gets the most votes a new race will be run and no one or political party who has run for that office my run again.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

The Public Health Service will study the cost to the public of untreated conditions 
Any medical treatment that now costs the government more to treat than preventative treatment shall be covered by the government


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

We are closed the nation is full. There is no more free land to give away. 
However any employer may import as much help as they want by creating a program to train current Americans to do the job and implementing it. The visas for the imported help expire at the end of the trading program 
The dept of education shall adjuster this plan


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

This nation shall endever to creat the best products anywhere. 
Warranty shall be a minimum of one year to Increased by one half year per year. 
Variances shall be at the discreation of the department of waste removal.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Any person involved in creating admistering or enforcing law shall be liable for 10 times the usuall punishment of the general public.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Each state shall determine a poverty level. child-support shall be set at a minimum above such level. 
The parent of any child needing state support to reach this level shall be subject to a 33% additional income tax for the rest of their lives


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Roundabouts shall be illegal except in cases of extremel need. roundabouts shall be constructed with an open center and only after the politicians and bureaucrats responsible for having it built is beat 28 seats with a 4 foot paddle by the largest truck driver in the district


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

The replacement of stop signs by yield signsShall be encouraged. 
A new yield sign with a maximum passing speed limit shall be created.


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## Alice In TX/MO (May 10, 2002)

What??? I love roundabouts.


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## farmrbrown (Jun 25, 2012)

Now we're getting somewhere, lol.
If ya don't mind, I'd like to look these over and critique them......



AmericanStand said:


> Ok. My first plank.
> None of the above shall be a option in each race. If none of the above gets the most votes a new race will be run and no one or political party who has run for that office my run again.


Not bad.
I especially like the "I can't stand any of them option".
Reminds me of when I first discovered Mad Magazine and wondered why it was actually more logical than current legislation.



AmericanStand said:


> The Public Health Service will study the cost to the public of untreated conditions
> Any medical treatment that now costs the government more to treat than preventative treatment shall be covered by the government


That one might snowball and bankrupt us all.
I can't think of many things that AREN'T cheaper to prevent rather than fixing........ 



AmericanStand said:


> We are closed the nation is full. There is no more free land to give away.
> However any employer may import as much help as they want by creating a program to train current Americans to do the job and implementing it. The visas for the imported help expire at the end of the trading program
> The dept of education shall adjuster this plan


Not bad.
Better keep an eye on what they plan on teaching us though.





AmericanStand said:


> This nation shall endever to creat the best products anywhere.
> Warranty shall be a minimum of one year to Increased by one half year per year.
> Variances shall be at the discreation of the department of waste removal.


Glad you added the variance clause, some things aren't _*meant*_ to last forever.........like disposable diapers.


I think you're off to a good start, but your policy advisory team could use some better coffee.


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## IndyDave (Jul 17, 2017)

AmericanStand said:


> Roundabouts shall be illegal except in cases of extremel need. roundabouts shall be constructed with an open center and only after the politicians and bureaucrats responsible for having it built is beat 28 seats with a 4 foot paddle by the largest truck driver in the district


You have my vote, and I will even drive to Chcago and vote for you a few more times, and have all of my deceased relatives vote for you!


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Alice In TX/MO said:


> What??? I love roundabouts.


Have you ever seen those huge windmill blades?
Some of them are 132 feet long by the time you add a semi tractor to pull it some rigs are 175 feet long .
What was little problem as the street intersection becomes in passable as a roundabout 
The standard American transport truck is 75 feet long many roundabouts are impossible for them to negotiate
We are closing off portions of the nation By making roundabouts the gates


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Exception to the roundabout rule no man-made structure may Passover any interstate highway roundabouts may be used between interstate highway having a diameter allowing a 250 foot section to pass through the roundabout.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Eminent domain any project using eminent domain or threatening the use of the domain shall be taxed at a rate of 33% they shot also be required to submit 33% of profits to the landowners


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

All federal historical
and recreational property shall be open to the general public at no fee


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Mining claims may only be owned by individual persons . A individual person shall own no more than 10 mining claims or more than one producing mine. 

Groups of owners may band together to create production teams but each individual owner shall remain individually liable for his claim.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

farmrbrown said:


> Now we're getting somewhere, lol.
> If ya don't mind, I'd like to look these over and critique them......
> 
> 
> ...


The healthcare plank can only save us money since it can’t put Cash into a program than would cost us any more than we are already spending.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

IndyDave said:


> You have my vote, and I will even drive to Chcago and vote for you a few more times, and have all of my deceased relatives vote for you!


I am not sure what my position on the dead vote is yet I will have to give it some consideration but I do admire your enthusiasm. 
I suppose as long as the majority of the dead vote for me it should be allowed


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## Alice In TX/MO (May 10, 2002)

To me, a roundabout is a traffic circle.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

You were right, one of those horrible nasty things, Hazards to navigation


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## IndyDave (Jul 17, 2017)

Alice In TX/MO said:


> To me, a roundabout is a traffic circle.


A skunk by any other name still stinks!


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## Alice In TX/MO (May 10, 2002)

I love Roundabouts. So much better than traffic lights.


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## mnn2501 (Apr 2, 2008)

Alice In TX/MO said:


> I love Roundabouts. So much better than traffic lights.


Then I vote you do the roundabouts for everyone.


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## Alice In TX/MO (May 10, 2002)

Can I deduct my travel expenses?


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## mnn2501 (Apr 2, 2008)

Alice In TX/MO said:


> Can I deduct my travel expenses?


Fine with me.


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## IndyDave (Jul 17, 2017)

Alice In TX/MO said:


> I love Roundabouts. So much better than traffic lights.


If you drive a truck you would learn to hate them very quickly.


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## mnn2501 (Apr 2, 2008)

IndyDave said:


> If you drive a truck you would learn to hate them very quickly.


I drive a car and I hate them - we have one near where I work, nobody knows what to do.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Alice In TX/MO said:


> I love Roundabouts. So much better than traffic lights.


 That’s pretty much the choice between being hung with a new rope or old one. 
In most situations I prefer yield signs


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Allice it sounds like you need to get involved with the one traffic circle that I do like we Collett NASCAR


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

It shall be a felony to manufacture spandex clothing sizes larger than 44


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## farmrbrown (Jun 25, 2012)

Yes, it's time to go after a REAL crime.


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## mreynolds (Jan 1, 2015)

AmericanStand said:


> I need some new cabinets in my kitchen if you are qualified I could appoint a couple of good carpenters there.


I've been told I make a mean cabinet. They dont bite unless you feed them gunpowder though.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

AmericanStand said:


> It shall be a felony to manufacture spandex clothing sizes larger than 44


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## crehberg (Mar 16, 2008)

Man...I love thick chicks....


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

This has been the theme song of my life !until I met a young lady without the generous portions in that area . 
I’ve seen past her disability though and married to her for the good woman that she is. 

However I believe I will make those the theme song of my candidacy.


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## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

Alice, remember the one in Waco, before I 35 opened. Lord, as a kid we went around that thing more times than a merry go round. I hated it then. Found one in Ft. Worth about 20 years ago trying to get to a restaurant. Made it not worth the trip.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

I don’t understand why they feel the need to build up the middles. 
It makes it harder to see what’s coming and it closes the road to anything that might not be able to make the circle


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## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

so there is a place to put your statue.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Now there is a good idea I want one about 80 feet tall in the shape of a bowl legged cowboy so the trucks can just roll straight on through.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

New platform plank
There shall be a open season from December 26 till December 22 on county and town cops on the interstate highway system.


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## mreynolds (Jan 1, 2015)

AmericanStand said:


> New platform plank
> There shall be a open season from December 26 till December 22 on county and town cops on the interstate highway system.


So, do you have a time machine?


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Plastic produce bags would be required to have a exploding end strip. 
You pull them off the. Roll and after a few seconds there is a puff and the bag is open so you can put your apples in.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

mreynolds said:


> So, do you have a time machine?


No they just get a few days they can travel for Christmas


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

And additional plank requiring that hotels motels and such Advertisements include a price that includes taxes.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

A plank requiring that any item advertised in an auction that has a reserve must have the price advertised to
A plank prohibiting any items not advertised with the reserve from being owned by the auctioning party within a year of the auction.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

A plank requiring that any governmental body advertisements include the tax rates that are levied in print as large as large as print otherwise used in the advertisement


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## IndyDave (Jul 17, 2017)

You need to find a running mate named Clapp so you can have campaign signs and accessories that say "Stand and Clapp for President!"


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## mreynolds (Jan 1, 2015)

IndyDave said:


> You need to find a running mate named Clapp so you can have campaign signs and accessories that say "Stand and Clapp for President!"


That would be America Stand and Clapp.


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## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

I would prefer the VP to be Deliver. Don't want the Clapp.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Yes it’s hard to convince people they want the Clapp


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