# Casual sex



## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

The other thread got me thinking ....I really don't understand casual sex. How the most personal , intimate situation that two humans can share can be expressed so lightly...? Of course I have desires but I would rather be alone than share myself with someone I just consider a friend....kinda just speaks to the physical .....rather than the physical, mental and spiritual being that I am. I would be left wanting....no matter how "good" it was.


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## simi-steading (Sep 27, 2012)

roadless said:


> How the most personal , intimate situation that two humans can share can be expressed so lightly...?


These are qualities humans and society has put on sex. They are beliefs... 

Look at the animal world (which we are a part of) To animals it's not personal, it's not intimate, it's just something that is done....

The quality you put on sex are a mind set... Some people look at sex as an activity, a completely different mind set.


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## bstuart29 (Jul 11, 2006)

Good post Roadless and I agree, Kind of the difference between making love and just having sex big difference there.


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## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

There's a vast difference between picking up that night's entertainment at a bar and being intimate with a friend. If you sleep with all of your friends, that would probably be considered casual sex; if you pick only one and they truly care about you, it actually becomes a committed relationship. It's funny but I thought I'd married a friend. After years of emotional putdowns and cruelty I realized I was his but he was never mine. And he owned me....


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

roadless said:


> The other thread got me thinking ....I really don't understand casual sex. How the most personal , intimate situation that two humans can share can be expressed so lightly...? Of course I have desires but I would rather be alone than share myself with someone I just consider a friend....kinda just speaks to the physical .....rather than the physical, mental and spiritual being that I am. I would be left wanting....no matter how "good" it was.


The emotionally driven aspect of the sexual interaction that enables love, desire of family etc through social convention, the reproduction of the species aspect and the unique to the human species aspect of recreational sex all posses the commonality of the euphoric disassociation of the mind and bodily control by the pituitary glands for the short period of time at the completion of the physical encounter regardless of the interests of the parties involved.

Casual sex is simply the most common name for the encounter when the participants involved are only concerned with the pleasurable recreational aspect unique to the human species.


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

I guess it makes me a prude but I want the intimate, physical and spiritual part of love making sex. I'm not sure there is such a thing anymore. Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with primal sex either but only with an intimate partner as far as I'm concerned.

Society as taken the intimacy out of sex.


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Tambo,
Society hasn't taken the intimacy out of sexual encounters. It's still there as it always has been as is evident by people still cohabiting regardless as spouses or romantic partners with the intention of raising a family without religious recognition.

There is no family existence without paperwork as even religious oriented marriages are recorded with probate courts by the officiating cleric to make the union legal and any baby born is either documented at birth or documented as soon as they are noticed by authorities.

Couples who cohabit and have jobs most often end up being paperwork connected to some degree through work records, home addresses, dependents birth records, etc.


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

Shrek the kind of intimacy I was talking about has nothing to do with religion, paperwork or courts. I wish I could decipher what you said so I could give a better response. 

I'm talking about intimacy between two people period. The feelings two people have for each other that are so strong they barely have control over them.

I grew up in a time you never saw intimate scenes of a man and a woman on TV. Or maybe my parents did a good job of sheltering us from them I don't know. But now everything you see on TV is sex driven. It teaches young people right or wrong how to interact with each other. It is teaching sex not intimacy. That is what I was talking about. It may not be right but that's how I see it.


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## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

What is an intimate scene between men and women? Candlelight dinners? Walks on the sand? DS, 27, has been with the same young woman for 8 years; they were obviously exposed to "just sex" but chose another path. BTW, the age of free love happened a few years before I graduated from HS so "love the one you're with" isn't new. (Indeed AIDS and untreatable STDs probably did more to reign in casual encounters than morality ever could.)

I'm not into bed hopping but neither am I into starry-eyed love nonsense. I'm not about to "give my all" to anyone ever again. BTDT and got nothing to show for it.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

"Casual sex" is also hard to define. What do y'll mean by that term? To me, it means something like a one night stand. If you're talking about sex with someone you know, that may or may not extend into breakfast, lunch and working in maybe some chore time , that isn't so casual.


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## Guest (Jun 27, 2013)

I don't consider sexual intimacy to ever be "'casual"..it's always an expression of emotion, mingled with physical desire.. I'd not share that for the simple sake of it feels good..it's more than that in my world..others mileage varies..


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

I can't imagine the words "casual" and "sex" together... It means a lot more than something casual to me...I don't think I could engage with a man in that respect "casually".... As far as good friends? I can't see it happening with a guy that I am "just friends" with either..


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## no1cowboy (May 2, 2004)

Shrek said:


> Casual sex is simply the most common name for the encounter when the participants involved are only concerned with the pleasurable recreational aspect unique to the human species.


This is not "unique" to the human species.



> The bonobo is popularly known for its high levels of sexual behavior. Sex functions in conflict appeasement, affection, social status, excitement, and stress reduction. It occurs in virtually all partner combinations and in a variety of positions.


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## billooo2 (Nov 23, 2004)

roadless said:


> The other thread got me thinking ....I really don't understand casual sex. How the most personal , intimate situation that two humans can share can be expressed so lightly...? Of course I have desires but I would rather be alone than share myself with someone I just consider a friend....kinda just speaks to the physical .....rather than the physical, mental and spiritual being that I am. I would be left wanting....no matter how "good" it was.


I totally agree!!!


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## billooo2 (Nov 23, 2004)

Shrek said:


> The emotionally driven aspect of the sexual interaction that enables love, desire of family etc through social convention, the reproduction of the species aspect and the unique to the human species aspect of recreational sex all posses the commonality of the euphoric disassociation of the mind and bodily control by the pituitary glands for the short period of time at the completion of the physical encounter regardless of the interests of the parties involved.
> 
> Casual sex is simply the most common name for the encounter when the participants involved are only concerned with the pleasurable recreational aspect unique to the human species.


Unique to humans????.......explain that to the male mambers of my group of dairy goats!!!!!!


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

This is a very complicated subject to me, and it is just hard to pigeon hole sexual relations. I have had a few one time relations that were anything but casual, and I have had a many years relationship with a lady that was strictly sexual that I would certainly not call casual, though all we ever had in common was sex. In that relationship, we never had that type of contact when we were seeing other people or married (I just won't to make that clear). I think I know what roadless and others mean, though. When I was a young man all I wanted was to do "it", and I did "it" a few times with girls who meant nothing to me. When I was 18 I did "it" with a girl I truly loved, and there was the difference. When I was in the service I did "it" a few more times with shadows in the night, despised "it", left the last one in flagrante delicto and never did "that" again. But, over these many years I have had my share of one time, or short time relationships. Never have any of those in this last section been casual, and all have been beautiful. I would love to say that I have only ever had sex with my wife, significant other, or woman I have been in a committed relationship with. Alas, that is not the case. I have lived much of my life as a lonely man, doing lonely jobs in a lonely world, and the few times, other than those scant episodes as a youth, that I have been blessed with woman's companionship have all been beautiful, and not ugly in any way. I in no way mean to trivialize "it", ever, but sometimes a little bit means a lot.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

On that long term relationship; I think I would somehow count that as a type of committed relationship lol! We were friends and had tried dating (like once), and just knew we wouldn't get along. But, neither of us were ----s. Once or twice a year she would call me and ask if I was doing anything and if she could come over, and I always knew she wasn't coming over for my chicken alfredo . Not that the chicken alfredo isn't pretty darn good.


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## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

Your addition/last sentence explains why I couldn't find chicken alfredo in the urban dictionary.


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

katydidagain said:


> What is an intimate scene between men and women?


All of those are intimate scenes but I am talking about bedroom scenes. TV was a little more censored back then. These days they leave little to the imagination.


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## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

tambo said:


> All of those are intimate scenes but I am talking about bedroom scenes. TV was a little more censored back then. These days they leave little to the imagination.


I guess I don't watch juicy TV. I catch some old movies where what happens in the bedroom later is left to your imagination or cooking show porn where, sadly, what happens in the dining room later is also left to your imagination. Seriously I have never been interested in observing other people's private moments; I always said it was because I didn't want to watch someone else having "fun" but in reality I was embarrassed. You can change the channel; I do.


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

I didn't say I watch it. I do watch Baggage and they have a commercial on it that just about makes me blush. 
My point is young kids and teens are watching though and this is where they learn some of their relationship skills from.


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## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

tambo said:


> I didn't say I watch it. I do watch Baggage and they have a commercial on it that just about makes me blush.
> My point is young kids and teens are watching though and this is where they learn some of their relationship skills from.


And maybe they don't learn as much as we might think. The Ex had DS listening to Howard Stern and some trashy shock jock in the DC area from the age of 8; he took him to violent and sexual moves at the same age. I rarely rode in the same vehicle with them because I was put in the back seat and had to listen to the trash. DS sided with the EX until he was around 18; I was sure he was doomed. Did I mention that DS is in an 8 year relationship with a young woman? Did my staying in a miserable marriage in an attempt to have some input on his values make the difference? I honestly don't know and I doubt he does. But he saw it all and chose another path.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

roadless said:


> The other thread got me thinking ....I really don't understand casual sex. How the most personal , intimate situation that two humans can share can be expressed so lightly...?


Because it has been reduce to a primal act of self satisfaction.
There is no depth anymore.
We, as a society, have turned a beautiful gift into some raunchy thing.



> Of course I have desires but I would rather be alone than share myself with someone I just consider a friend....kinda just speaks to the physical .....rather than the physical, mental and spiritual being that I am. I would be left wanting....no matter how "good" it was.


I believe we as a society have no idea what the word wait means.
It's all about self gratification, and now it must be instant.
Not with the one you love? Hey love the one you're with.

Sorry, this is not the way it is supposed to be.


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## unregistered168043 (Sep 9, 2011)

Well I might be one of the odd-ball men out there who doesn't care for casual sex. I never have. It just feels awkward to me. Lots of my friends seem to have no problem with, meet a girl in a bar and take her home then never see her again. :shrug:


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## fishhead (Jul 19, 2006)

Casual is a lot better than none. I don't think that celibacy is healthy.


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## NoClue (Jan 22, 2007)

fishhead said:


> Casual is a lot better than none. I don't think that celibacy is healthy.


I find the opposite to be true. I tried casual sex when I was younger, and it never worked out so well for me. I like my life simple and uncomplicated


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## bowdonkey (Oct 6, 2007)

I can't believe how complicated people make this. Jimmy Buffet had a song that summed sex up pretty well.


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## bstuart29 (Jul 11, 2006)

fishhead said:


> Casual is a lot better than none. I don't think that celibacy is healthy.


I'd rather go with none then get some which means nothing.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Im with ya 29. Why bother with getting a buzz on sex, just to have it end when it ends, and yet your left with the fleeting mammerys of it for months afterwards lol.


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## tinknal (May 21, 2004)

The main problem is that (for the most part) women link sex with love while men (for the most part) do not. In a purely evolutionary scenario it makes perfect sense.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

tinknal said:


> The main problem is that (for the most part) women link sex with love while men (for the most part) do not. In a purely evolutionary scenario it makes perfect sense.


That is completely contrary to my experience.


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## SugarMag (Jun 30, 2011)

Um, I wouldn't have sex with a guy I wasn't friends with. 
If it turn into more, that's great.
Meanwhile, it's been about 8 years. So, no rush or anything.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I can't imagine going that long. It's only been 7 for me


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

1991 here


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## SugarMag (Jun 30, 2011)

Well, it was never my intention, but I swore off jerks and guitar players and that left me kinda dateless.
Then I became a county mouse, and I guess the guy at the feed store is married.
The county road dept guy might be single though.
He sorta went out of his way to come grade th lane over here.
I thought that might have been a friendly type gesture.


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

Criminy! I don't think many of you have got any for such a long time...you just forgot what it was like? Maybe some never knew? And that's ok, as well.

Sex is good, mo betta with an intimate partner! It's passion and fury and lust all rolled up in a gunny sack! Intimacy is for afterwards, or maybe forwards, not so much for doing the deed.


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## SugarMag (Jun 30, 2011)

Goldang dude, I'm just picky is all.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

All I know is, that when I get it, it's good  Now that I'm a born again virgin I do so look forward to my first time again.


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## swamp man (Dec 25, 2005)

bstuart29 said:


> Good post Roadless and I agree, Kind of the difference between making love and just having sex big difference there.


....and it's your vast experience in these matters that brought you to this conclusion, no doubt.
The term "make love" has never made any sense to me.


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## swamp man (Dec 25, 2005)

bstuart29 said:


> I'd rather go withdraw none then get some which means nothing.


Why would you put yourself through that?
Assuming that you're being genuine, that stance seems so unnatural....weird, even.

Casual sex is one of the best things ever invented. If it warn't for STD's, and if I was able to, I'd have casual sex with every attractive woman in the worl

.......twice.


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Swamp Man,
That term "make love" makes no sense to me either. GF and I feel love for each other regardless if we are having sex or not.


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## fishhead (Jul 19, 2006)

Sex just gives the illusion of "making love". It's all chemical and imagination. When I was younger I didn't understand that and thought I was in love every time I had sex. 

Real love comes from years of being together and is separate from sex. The illusion can come in just a couple of hours of good sex. They both feel just as real.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

You can't lose if you go into a sexual encounter expecting nothing more than a good time in bed. (Well, if your partner turns out to be a lousy lover, I suppose it might be a disappointment!)

Making any other assumptions about the outcome, though, is pretty risky business, IMO. :teehee:


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## Big country (Dec 25, 2004)

katydidagain said:


> I'm not into bed hopping but neither am I into starry-eyed love nonsense. I'm not about to "give my all" to anyone ever again. BTDT and got nothing to show for it.


Not even a tee shirt?


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## susieneddy (Sep 2, 2011)

seems like a lot of you have forgotten what it was like to be teenagers. You just wanted sex :happy2: 

Over the yrs I found that friends make the best lovers. It was the right time and place so you enjoyed each others company but you knew you were still friends the next morning


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## Jenstc2003 (Apr 4, 2012)

While there probably are things to be said for sleeping with someone you are merely physically interested in for a few hours, there are way too many things that weigh against it in my book. I cannot imagine EVER being willing to give so much of myself to anyone I wasn't at the least fully expecting to marry.


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## skeeter (Mar 23, 2013)

This sure sounds very complicated


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## fishhead (Jul 19, 2006)

It's only as complicated as you make it.


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

when I was younger (that means dinosaur days) I 'sowed wild oats', and like others have said, it didn't always mean alot, except to satisfy curiosity or a basic need that I wasn't mature enough yet to identify. I met, fell in love/whatever with a man and knew him for about 8 years before marrying him. After 22 years marriage, he died. The first man after his death, that I decided to be intimate was, I guess, 'casual', because frankly, I wasn't ready to date, or be on the dating scene (the thought of it was ghastly)or have a 'relationship' with him. I knew he was nice, kind, appealed to me physically and was pretty sure he'd be happy to please me. We shared some intimate times, but he wasn't the man for me.
I sure appreciated him. I really needed someone to hold me then, and it was probably most appreciated 'casual' sex that I've ever had.It satisfied a very deep loneliness, not necessarily for sex, but for big strong arms around me, a sexy deep voice, and someone whose face lit up when he saw me.
Since then, I met a nice man, who I like/appreciate (and probably love, but love is alot different from when I was heartsick in love with my husband in my 20s) and I still ocassionally think about something like that. BUT, I also think of the consequences, and they usually aren't worth the mess it would make for (perhaps--it's not guaranteed) a stellar night of sweaty groping and other stuff.
So, it depends on what you need/want/looking for I guess.
Do what is right for you. Others must figure it out for themselves.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

It's not complicated for me at all.

I don't have sex outside a committed relationship built of trust, respect and emotional intimacy.


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## bowdonkey (Oct 6, 2007)

My motto is to never allow my emotions or common sense to keep me from having a good time.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Making love. If you love someone you want to give them happiness and joy and so..... (Enough said. I would rather post this here than on the proboard)

Then again, even married people like a simple roll in the hay! It isn't always making love!


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## tentance (Aug 16, 2012)

it's been my experience that men fall head over heels extremely quickly, moreso than most chicks i know. maybe it's just because i'm me. if i like one, and we have sex, then i have to beat them away with a stick. needless to say, it's important to have great sex if you are going to jump in bed with someone.

i don't have "casual" sex, people that do are hoooo-rs. i won't even kiss a male that doesn't want the same things that i want in life. that's really important.

that being said, the last guy i dated went through my email and phone and accounts...only after a few weeks of knowing one another, we had just met, he freaked out when he saw that i talk to other males, and said a bunch of filth to me. it was a very teenagery thing to do. and he was my age!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

and what age is that? I think that most men and women would agree with you about men falling for a woman easy. I know I do. I hate that, and so I stay out of there guns range.

I always thought that making love was the kissing, holding, small talk, nuzzling, slow dancing, ect sort of stuff.

Joe, at my age, UI doubt if therd by much passion, fury ,or lust involved in it, OR the woman I was having it with.

Susie, u say friends make the best lovers. Is that opposed to strangers making great lovers??


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## skeeter (Mar 23, 2013)

Well it sure seems complicated in some way for some of y'all. 
Simple for me, marriage then lots of great sex. :flame:
I'm a born again christian and that makes that part very uncomplicated. Not married means no sex. Simple, no casual sex.
The hard part seems in finding another born again christian that wants and likes the same things I do. Complicated. Does that mean sex gets complicated?


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## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

Casual sex doesn't jive with my belief system.
I have had casual sex with a couple of partners, one of them I ended up married to. Its guaranteed I would not have married him if I had not slept with him. I'd have gotten over that infatuation given time.
The other was after my divorce with someone I loved, but it was casual to him and made me feel so awful about myself. The sex was good, real good, but my guilt was huge.

Have no idea how someone does the one night stand/pickup thing with a stranger.


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## Mooselover (May 4, 2009)

sex makes me stupid...don't wish to do it again till i have time to clear my head.


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## bstuart29 (Jul 11, 2006)

swamp man said:


> Why would you put yourself through that?
> Assuming that you're being genuine, that stance seems so unnatural....weird, even.
> 
> Casual sex is one of the best things ever invented. If it warn't for STD's, and if I was able to, I'd have casual sex with every attractive woman in the worl
> ...


Ya can call it whatever ya wish but to me there is a huge difference between having sex just for pleasure at the moment and having it with someone ya deeply care for and that it has meaning to ya both. People can sleep with whomever they want to but casual sex is not for me and I see it degrades a lot of people emotional over time when they is little meaning behind it. As to experience I have no problem admitting I don't have the amount of experience you or some others have and I'm fine with that.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Once I have the committed relationship built of trust, respect and emotional intimacy, we are free to have all the casual and formal sex we want, any time, any where we want. With each other. No holding back.


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

SugarMag said:


> Well, it was never my intention, but I swore off jerks and guitar players


WHAT,,,,,GUITAR PLAYERS ?????? :shocked: 

Why does my profession equate to "No date,,,No diddle"

Kinda like "I got Screwed and never got Kissed"

:kiss:

Ya know,,,I guess sometimes,,,I want to get laid.......Hmmm,,,,,Like now !!!!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Me too


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Casual sex... OK. I'll bite. As opposed to what? Formal sex? Do you make an appointment for that? Is it something you do while sitting around a big conference table? You wouldn't have to have your assistants sitting along the wall behind you, would you? 'Cause I'm not into that. 

Wait! I know! Right before the "act", the participants --call them members-- would be announced by a liveried servant like at a fancy dress cotillion. 

And that brings up another point. Is there a dress code for formal sex? Or is it birthday suit optional. Top hat and... hee hee... tail? Maybe it's just me, but any kind of sex involving an image of that rotund little banker from Monopoly is just... creepy. Oh great! Now I got a picture of the Planter's Peanut guy. Hey! Watch it with that cane buddy!

I guess all of the sex I've ever had has been casual. I mean, it's not been by the numbers, all proper and orderly. More like, "take it as it _____s." Nope, not gonna say it.:nana: 

But I can just hear it now. "Oh jeez Herbert! You skipped right over steps 2 thru 5! Dang it Martha! I barely passed English. You know I ain't no good at that bi-lingus stuff.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

Oh geez ... Numb just read this thread, and now he's going on and on about how he feels all _cheap_! And _dirty_ ... and _used _... ound:


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## tinknal (May 21, 2004)

willow_girl said:


> Oh geez ... Numb just read this thread, and now he's going on and on about how he feels all _cheap_! And _dirty_ ... and _used _... ound:


and appreciated, I bet.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

You betcha!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

In a moment of quiet condensation, I gotta say, I envy your friend. Hes got a gal that is beautiful, funny, loves to luv, and he can still get a stiffie, (bumps you with a stiff leg) lol.


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