# Who should homeschool?



## airotciv (Mar 6, 2005)

I know this is a question that has many answers. My DIL and DS decided they would homeschool this year, GD is 8 years old. The reason, because she wasn't learning. Well, the DIL and GD were over this week and I asked each separately how homeschooling was going. When talking with the GD, she hates it. She has no friends or new friends to play with. Mom is not going to make me like reading or math, because she is homeschooling. Plus we have no books and Mom doesn't know what she is doing. Well, when asking DIL how things were going? She replies, this is really harder than I had thought. We have no books and she still refuses to read or do math. Why no books? Because DIL had no clue who to contact. Well I told her who to contact. So back to the Question, Who should homeschool? I don't think that DIL has the skills to be a homeschooler, but I could be wrong.


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## Beaners (Feb 23, 2005)

Well, if she wasn't learning at school, she hasn't backslid by being at home. When did they start, it is still pretty early in the year isn't it? It won't be an easy transition, so try to cut DIL a little slack and remember that even an 8 year old can say things that are manipulative. It sounds to me like your DIL doesn't have the right resources just yet, but I don't see any reflection on her skill in what you've posted.

Kayleigh


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## RiverPines (Dec 12, 2006)

Ask your state! Every state has laws to follow.

Here we have 6 mandatory subjects that must be taught. We have mandatory amount of hours we have to account for.

First find out your DIL sate laws. If she isnt following them, then she cant home school.

I dont know of any state that lets you get away with not teaching at least the basics.

As for hard and children that are challenging...its the parents job to find away to teach or find someone who can.
My son, 8, has CAPD and we have found ways to teach him and its hard and we have worked our tails off (his parents) finding methods and materials he can relate to, and he is learning and he is enjoying it.
The greater the need of the child do to difficulties be it behavior, interest or learning disability, the more the parents have to bust butt!


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## airotciv (Mar 6, 2005)

*******, I understand what you are saying. Its all NEW. So how do I help them, get it together, without being that meddling MIL. I have given her some information. As for reading, there are many ways to get them to read. A book they like. I have a whole library of about 200 kids books. The DIL always says, we don't read those books. What books are we talking about? Dr. Suess, Little House on the Prairie, ect. 


Edit:
RiverPine, I gave the DIL the State Laws. That the GD will have to pass a Homeschooling test at the end of the year. DIL said, I didn't know that. I guess when I said her skills were in Question, I should have said I'm not sure she really wants to do this. She had 3 months to perpare for this and nothing has been reseached.


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## Beaners (Feb 23, 2005)

That is tough. I have a pretty wonderful relationship with my MIL so I would be comfortable talking with her about these kinds of issues, but if I was having trouble with it I would still be kind of hesitant to openly ask for help. If you think she really just needs help organizing all the information that she needs to digest for this, ask her what you can do to help. Honestly, it sounds to me like she didn't realize how much this involved, and she is being fought most of the way by the child. I think with a little bit of gentle nudging, things could end up going very well.

And if she really isn't cut out for this, she will make that decision before too long. I think your best bet is to offer support if it is needed, but not push too hard.

I have read lots of stories on this forum of people struggling to make it work in the beginning because they just didn't grasp how much was entailed, and everything worked out in the end. And if it doesn't work out at home, and your granddaughter goes back to regular school, even if she has to repeat a grade it isn't that big of a deal. I have never been to a job interview where they asked how my grades were when I was 8. 

Kayleigh


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## Sabrina67 (Mar 24, 2008)

Do they have internet? there are some great sites to help you. About.com even has the things your child should be learning in each grade. You have to also check your state requirements, but it was a great help to me. 
Also Edhelper is a great site to give you worksheets etc. It has a small membership fee, but has a lot of material. 
It really takes time to get comfortable with homeschooling. If you do it correctly it also takes a big commitment from the parents. I was overwhelmed the first year, and this is the 4th year and every year I am a nervous wreck at the beginning of the year.lol 
I know many nights I am up reading and looking over the work we will be doing, and research a lot too.
Hope things work out for your gd, education at home is a big responsibility, but can really be a great thing. We have never been happier.


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## Tracy Rimmer (May 9, 2002)

First of all, many probably shouldn't homeschool who do, and many should probably consider it who do not -- but it's not YOUR place to give your opinion unless asked. 

If you wish to be supportive, great -- how about offering to take GD to the library one afternoon a month? Maybe if GD sees adults ENJOYING books, she'll be more interested.

I have to say that, from the sounds of it, your GD has decided, unequivocally, to be a PITA. "I don't like books and Mom can't make me". Sounds like there is stuff at work within that relationship that is NOT going to be conducive to anything getting done, and at eight years old -- well, I'd suggest your DIL and DS get a handle on it before this little miss becomes a teen.

De-schooling is a very important component of bringing a child home to school -- I wonder if they did this?

As for the DIL not doing any research -- perhaps she hasn't. Perhaps she shouldn't home educate. Perhaps this is all a stupid idea on her part which is a lot more work than she realized. It *IS* a lot of hard work, and maybe she's just not cut out for it -- she CAN succeed if she really wants to -- it's not rocket science -- but the fact is, if she was hesitant to begin with, or of a personality type who is liable to let things slide rather than confront them, she's probably not well suited to it.

And the fact that your GD sounds like she's got a real attitude probably isn't helping. If my kids said "I'm not going to and you can't make me" to me, or to any of their grandparents, they'd be learning quite quickly exactly what I *CAN* make them do.

Again, the failure to home educate a child has less to do with education and more to do with parenting -- this is a common theme in the homeschooling failures I've witnessed. Not saying this is necessarily the case with your GD -- but the way I'm reading your post, that's what it seems to suggest.


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## Spinner (Jul 19, 2003)

It sounds like she needs to visit the library. Get the GD some books that she'll enjoy reading. Then she can go online and print out some pages of core subjects for GD to do. That will get them started. Maybe find a homeschool group to join. 

If the state requires record keeping (even if they don't) she needs to get a record keeping book that can double as a lesson planner. I had a great one that kept track of hours, subjects, assignments, and just about everything you could want including field trips.

They can visit museums, tour businesses (we toured a fire dept, police dept, city planner, among others). Let the GD do math by helping with the cooking. She can learn fractions early by using measuring cups & spoons to help mom bake cakes, make bread, etc. (if she cooks from scratch?) 

There are soooooo many things that we do every day that the kids need to learn. Life studies are "school" as much as book learning is. 

Also keep in mind that kids do best when they learn things as they are ready to learn them. Not all kids are potty trained at the same age, not all learn to walk at the same age. They are individuals that learn at their own pace. Public schools try to take all those individuals and make them into a copycat pattern of each other. They want them to learn to read the same things at the same time, learn to add the same numbers at the same time. Some kids just aren't ready to learn it yet and if you try to shove it down their throats they will fight it b/c they just CAN'T do it yet. Some kids are ready to read at age 4 and others aren't ready until age 10. Give them time to be ready and they will excel at what they are learning. Teach them what they are interested in and they will soak it up like a sponge. Try to force them to learn what they are not ready for and it will be an exasperating argument. 

Many people forget that parents have been teaching their children since birth and it's natural to continue teaching when it comes time for them to learn to read, add & subtract, etc. Sending them off to school it makes a void where that teaching was and makes parents come to depend on others to do it. Then when it comes time to home school, the parents think they are not capable. 

Remember this one simple thing... teaching your child is a easy and enjoyable experience if you relax and do it. Some people think it's hard. It's not, it's enjoyable learning for both the child and the parent. Tell her to relax and enjoy the experience. It's natural unless you try to be "public school at home". That method can make everyone miserable and can soon make both the child and the parent feel like failures. And if you are simply trying to copy what the public schools do, then why home school?


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## 6e (Sep 10, 2005)

I agree with Tracy. If the children are not disciplined, homeschooling will become extremely difficult. I won't let any of my kids tell me they won't do their school work and honestly they've never tried.

It's too early in the year to decide whether homeschooling would be a success or a failure. We have been homeschooling for over 5 years and honestly, each year is a tad difficult at the beginning and transitions have to be made each year as each child matures and changes.

I think the best advice is to encourage DIL to hang in there and to help GD to get excited about reading and math. I don't know what the laws are in your state, but once met, make learning fun, not a chore. We're just barely into the school year. There's plenty of time to straighten things up and get excited about learning.

It is very hard for a child coming out of public school to all of a sudden be at home without the structure of a public school or the kids. Thankfully, our kids have never stepped foot inside a public school and so that's not something we've had to deal with and all of our children like being homeschooled. It's nice because we can move at the pace of the child which has been a life saver for our son.

Don't give up quite yet, but rather encourage and help where you can!


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## sonie716 (Sep 6, 2006)

I would agree with Tracey. The other thing I can say, as a homeschooling mom, is don't be pushy or meddle. Be a positive listening ear for your son and Daughter in law. Offer support when asked, but don't push or put your 2cents in ,when you were not asked. I know for us, parents can be a struggle. We are doing what we feel is best for OUR children. I know that grandparents have a heart and want whats best for there grandchildren. That being said they are not your children. You have done your job, now its time to see your children and there fruit do theres.
I know for us we read certian types of books, alot of bible books, no main stream characters. This is just our choice. So I love it when my parents ask, what do I need for school, and I tell them exactly what I need.

This is not to be mean or anything, just telling it from the parents point of view.


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## Narshalla (Sep 11, 2008)

airotciv said:


> *******, I understand what you are saying. Its all NEW. So how do I help them, get it together, without being that meddling MIL. I have given her some information. As for reading, there are many ways to get them to read. A book they like. I have a whole library of about 200 kids books. The DIL always says, we don't read those books. What books are we talking about? Dr. Suess, Little House on the Prairie, ect.
> 
> 
> Edit:
> RiverPine, I gave the DIL the State Laws. That the GD will have to pass a Homeschooling test at the end of the year. DIL said, I didn't know that. I guess when I said her skills were in Question, I should have said I'm not sure she really wants to do this. She had 3 months to perpare for this and nothing has been researched.


Ouch! I see that you are in Oregon, is your gd here too? If so, I believe you are misinterpreting the state laws. "End of year" means the end of the school year, June or so, and the first test does not have to take place until after the child has been out of the school system for 18 months.

For more information, go to HSLDA.org, you can find a synopsis of Oregon here, or all the states here.

As for weather she (DIL) should be homeschooling or not, I have no idea, though it is obvious that you do not support it at all.


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## Callieslamb (Feb 27, 2007)

I hope Grandma isn't encouarging this GD's rudeness. I too know that getting started can be really difficult. Finding your 'groove' takes time. Learning to work together- takes time. I wonder if you don't have some concerns about homeschooling in general to even bring this up. Did you read up on homeschooling? If so, you would have easily found that a lot of new home schooling parents go through these very issues. Sometimes all the choices overwhelm you a bit and you really don't know where to start. And somtimes you buy curriculum materials that just don't work for you. 

If you want to help-buy her a book to read or take her to the library to pick her own. Look for a group where your GD can participate and make friends. (Look at YMCA's, zoo's, and HS co-ops in youir area). Do, try to be supportive and when DGD speaks so rudely, correct her. Encourage her to do her best and try her hardest so she can say she did so. Where no effort is exerted, there is usually no interest - and it can be a circular problem. She needs to exert some effort to generate her own interests. 

And getting away from the 'way" public school school is the goal of many HS families, just because they aren't doing it "like the PS" doesn't mean they aren't doing it correctly. And I certainly wouldn't plan my life around what my child thinks should be happening. 

I don't mean to be harsh and I hope I didn't come across as that. Transitions are difficult. This child's parents have decided this is best for her and tey are the ones taht get to make that decision. I think anyone that wants to HS should get to try it. Perhaps they will find it isn't for them and perhaps they will find it is. Until then, just suppor them and help where you can.


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## airotciv (Mar 6, 2005)

Thanks everyone, I don't mean to sound negative. I really want this to work. I homeschooled her father for 2 years and it was not easy. She is so much like the DS. I know what Mom is in for. When the DS found the Hardy Boys books, he started reading. He woulds say going up to my room to read. We need to find something she likes to read that is not what her mom wants her to read. As I said I have so many kids books. From a 2 year old to a teen. I would like to help DIL. Now I must say DIL also has a 9 month old and my DS is overseas, by his own choosing, good job. Bad part of the world, he can't take the family with him. He has been gone for the last 5 months and will be home for 3 weeks in Nov. So everything is on the DIL. 


Narshalla, I have not home schooled in 20+ years in the state of OR. But when I homeschooled we had to test at the end of the school year. Laws do change, your web site was one of the ones I gave her.


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## Tracy Rimmer (May 9, 2002)

airotciv == she's taken on something that is a very, very difficult adjustment -- at a time when she has a lot on her plate. A relatively "new" baby, her DH away, as you say, in a bad part of the world to take his family. She's got to be stressed and worried.

Might I suggest you encourage her to relax about her own expectations of herself. She might be beating herself up because she DOESN'T feel like she's doing what she should, but honestly, with a baby there in need of attention, and her essentially being a single parent right now (it's hard to parent from the middle east -- I'm assuming he's working a contract over there?)

And the DGD may also be lashing out because Daddy isn't there (and she's angry about that), and Mom has the new baby to take her attention away (and she's angry about that) and now, Mom and Dad have made this decision and she "loses" even more of what is familiar. It sounds like it's been a time of great stress for her, as well. Not that I would tolerate the backtalk for any reason -- but it could just be that DGD is angry and Mom is too tired to deal with the discipline required to keep her in hand. All in all, this is not a recipe for homeschooling success.

Do you have the time and energy (and ability) to take a bit of the pressure off of her? Even if it's just a "I came with cookies.... why don't you let me make you a cup of tea?" Sit down with her and point out to her that she isn't expected to be supermom, that everything is going to be fine. Take DGD out for a Grandma and me afternoon, take the baby too, if possible, and give mom an afternoon (or an hour) to herself.

It's just possible she's so completely overwhelmed that she's convinced herself that she can't succeed, and as you know, what we convince ourselves of often becomes reality.

The very first thing she needs to do is recognize that she can't do it all alone, perfectly, every day.

The second thing she needs to do is get things sorted with the discipline of her daughter -- no learning takes place in a confrontational environment.

The third thing she needs to do is relax and deschool for a little bit. Explore the world with her kids, and learn (and teach them) to relate to each other in a new way.

Then they need to prepare for Daddy's return. Together. 

Then they can worry about academics being met. I guarantee that nothing will get done (at least well) until what appears to be a very confrontational and angry attitude by the DGD is addressed. It's amazing how quickly they learn when you're not fighting constantly for them to learn something 

There is a wealth of experience here when it comes to education. It may be that, with a new baby in the house and Daddy away so much, public school would be the better option -- but she can't know that until she's given it a real, honest try. I'm sure that there are any number of homeschoolers on here, myself included, who would be happy to chat with her about home education, if she would like. Most of us have experienced a bit of what your DIL is currently going through -- many of us "brought home" children after a few years of PS. Some have put their children in PS after having had them home. 

She might just need to know she's not alone, she's not a failure, and gain some direction. It can all be a bit overwhelming at first, and to do it alone, without her spouse there, it has to be very, very stressful for her. If she wants to chat, feel free to give her my email, or have her join here.


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## airotciv (Mar 6, 2005)

Tracy, thanks. The DS is working a contract in the Middle East. Before this he did 3 tours in the Army and the National Guard, 1 year to 18 months each. I feel the stress of having my DS do so much time over there. I can't imagine how she feels. I can understand how the GD feels, she misses her dad. But this is their way of life and its not going to change anytime soon. I try to support the DIL as much as I can. I call every week and ask if I can do anything, she always says no. I don't want to be that pushy MIL. But I worry she is taking on to much. Well the DIL and the DG's will be here this weekend. We will have a talk on how I can help. I'm there for them, and want to help. So thanks again. I gave her this web site. I hope she goes here. So many great people.


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## p1gg1e (Aug 20, 2008)

Tracy what a wonderful post 

Maybe look online and find some resources for your DIL also so she has a place to start. this year will be hard but it will get easier. Why doesn't GD have friends to play with? Cant she see her ex-school mates after school?

Also a good suggestion is for your DIL to look into volunteering one day a week or two with your GD, getyou out of the house and you meet other home schoolers!


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## Narshalla (Sep 11, 2008)

airotciv said:


> Thanks everyone, I don't mean to sound negative. I really want this to work. I homeschooled her father for 2 years and it was not easy. She is so much like the DS. I know what Mom is in for. When the DS found the Hardy Boys books, he started reading. He woulds say going up to my room to read. We need to find something she likes to read that is not what her mom wants her to read. As I said I have so many kids books. From a 2 year old to a teen. I would like to help DIL. Now I must say DIL also has a 9 month old and my DS is overseas, by his own choosing, good job. Bad part of the world, he can't take the family with him. He has been gone for the last 5 months and will be home for 3 weeks in Nov. So everything is on the DIL.
> 
> 
> Narshalla, I have not home schooled in 20+ years in the state of OR. But when I homeschooled we had to test at the end of the school year. Laws do change, your web site was one of the ones I gave her.


Climbing down off my :soap:!

First, let me apologize. From your post, I thought you were against _her_ (DIL) homeschooling, and maybe everyone hs. As this is not the case, I'm sorry is misinterpreted your concern.

First, is your DIL in NW Oregon, too? This is where I am, so I know of several different resources in this area, both curriculum stores and in HS support groups.

PM me if you would like more info.


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