# My friend died in my apartment this afternoon



## IowaLez (Mar 6, 2006)

I had my new friend, Michael over for our second "date". I was making lunch for us. He broke out into a cold sweat, and was weak and in bad shape, so I called my daughter, who is a pharm tech, and she came over. He was in my rocking chair and i had pillows behind him to sit him up straight. He didn't want me/us to call 911 so we delayed it, trying to get him to tell us about his pain, or dizziness, and he would only say he "didn't feel very good".

Suddenly he collapsed in the chair and began to have trouble breathing as was unresponsive.

So Luci stayed with him trying to keep him breathing while I called 911.

A police dept First Responder got here first, and he and Luci got Michael on the floor and doing CPR until the ambulances and police and others got here.

They lost him 4 times, he was purple, and they shocked his heart 4 times, and called the helicopter to get him and fly him up to a hospital in Des Moines.

The emergency people said it looked really bad for him, as they carried him down the stairs to the gurney and rushed him off to the local hospital helipad.

I was able to get the bloodstain out of my carpet, and I had medical waste strewn everywhere that I cleaned up with my dishwashing gloves on. (Luci has since told me they couldn't intubate him as he kept having jaw spasms even though he had no pulse nor breathing, his body didn't go easily, and the blood just came out of his mouth as he died there) so I guess they cut his throat to get an airway in. They used a hand towel of mine then, and it was full of blood, I threw it in the trash.

It was really awful. He is 66 and from a small town 80 miles east of me, and this was the second time we were going to spend here and play some card games.

I am so glad Luci was here, she was going to go back home and I asked her to stay, I was scared and didn't want to be alone when this got worse. 

I am going over to her house now. We had Michael taken to Mercy in Des Moines, as her fiance works for them doing intranet IT work, so we can find out what happens to him.

I don't think he will survive.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

I am SO sorry, for all of you. :strongsad: I will hope for the best outcome possible.

Mon


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## IowaLez (Mar 6, 2006)

We don't think he survived. He is not in any of the emergency rooms in Des Moines. It looked poor when they took him away in the ambulance.

We saw the helicopter leave the town and so he must have died on it. 

The police are calling me back soon to tell me what happened.


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## naura (Mar 21, 2012)

No words but huuuugs.


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## Kasota (Nov 25, 2013)

((((IowaLez)))) I am so, so sorry. I am glad you are not going to be alone tonight.


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## IowaLez (Mar 6, 2006)

I figured when the police called me back and said they were having an officer come out to talk to me that he didn't make it.

He said Michael was dead when they put him on the copter. They tried to revive him to more times after they took him away.

They were able to locate his daughter and tell her. They have his car keys so she can come and get it when she is up to it.

I told the officer to let her know that if she wants to talk to me that she can can do so. My contact info is on his phone. 

The officer asked how I knew him, I had told them that this was the second time we had met in person, and he asked when we had began getting together. it was a week ago this past Sunday.

He was a real nice guy, and we had lots in common. We were going to have lunch and play some cards (Rummy and such).


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## GrannyG (Mar 26, 2005)

I am so sorry for this terrible tragedy......you did all you could do.....praying for his family....sending you hugs.....


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## Forerunner (Mar 23, 2007)

That's just bizarre, Lez.......

I have been way too close to death, three times.....

2002, my 22mo son, Joshua, drowned in our farm pond.
As we all searched for him, everywhere, I was the one to find him floating face down, a little ways from the beach. He was an adventurous little dickens.

2006, his precious mother, Dear Wife of my youth, who obviously never really recovered from the loss of her little one, finally succumbed to the weak-heart condition known as "Marfan's syndrome" passed out one clear blue sky day while cleaning house with our oldest daughter, and was gone.

Just two years ago, beautiful spring day.......got a call out of the blue from a close neighbor (right across the road from the family homestead) saying that they needed me, ASAP....and upon my insistence, she admitted that my father had shot himself.

You could call me an expert, I suppose, in regard to death.........and I still don't know a darned thing.

Get close to those you love during this time of confusion and just hang on.

It gets easier, kind of.


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## BlueberryChick (May 12, 2008)

IowaLez, I am so sorry.


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## Billie in MO (Jun 9, 2002)

So sorry for the loss and what you are dealing with.


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## obleo+6 (Jul 21, 2008)

I am so sad for you. Prayers for you and his family.


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## Solar Geek (Mar 14, 2014)

I am deeply sorry for the pain you have and send you hugs.


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## Skandi (Oct 21, 2014)

How terrible, I know the feeling all to well, I had a boyfriend collapse after a meal out (peanuts) I was lucky and he didn't die though It sure felt like he would at the time. (He did die a few years later from said allergie) Get a friend round and have a good cry, you did what you could, and it sounds like that was the right thing. I hope she can arange to pick up the car soon so you can begin to heal.


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## bigjon (Oct 2, 2013)

wow,so sorry for your loss...


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## mekasmom (Jan 19, 2010)

I'm sorry. 
Whenever I hear something like this, I think, "Thank God". It was fast. He didn't lay and suffer in sickness for weeks, dying one small gasp at a time for an eternity. It was fast. There was little suffering. And that is the way to go. I am sorry that it happened in your presence. But at least you can comfort yourself knowing that there was relatively little suffering.


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## 7thswan (Nov 18, 2008)

So Sorry Liz.


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## unregistered358895 (Jul 15, 2013)

So sorry to hear this. That sounds traumatic and heart wrenching. I do hope you have a support network to help you through this.


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## Wind in Her Hair (Jul 18, 2002)

oh, Lez. 

I know this must have been horrific to experience - so graphically, so personally. 

It will take you some time to work through this - as those of you that have experienced Death so closely - so personally - can attest to. 

Sharing your grief and shock will help. :grouphug: 

Working through this experience and this loss will take time- even as you were just getting to know Michael. 

My heart aches for you, Lez. 

But I also know you are strong and that you were there for a reason. I am so glad that Luci was able to come and be with you, although she will be dealing with the horror of what happened for a long time to come as well. 

You did what you could and the outcome was never in your hands. 

Holding you close in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

I'm sorry to read about his death. Take comfort in knowing he passed on with you and not alone by himself without someone that cared.


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## bluefish (Jan 27, 2006)

I'm so sorry! Death is so hard to deal with, especially when it surprises you like that. I lost the best friend ever to suicide and 3 grandparents all with 2 months of each other my senior year of highschool. I've also lost a child. All I can say is one minute at a time.

((((hugs))))


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## tiffnzacsmom (Jan 26, 2006)

Very sorry


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## Wind in Her Hair (Jul 18, 2002)

I want to acknowledge what everyone is saying - but "liking" your heartbreaking comments  and accounts of losing loved ones, just seems wrong.

* I DON'T "like" - * but I want you to know I read your comment and I just wish there was an "I am so sorry" button.  

:grouphug: to all of you that share in the heartache of this kind of loss.


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## mzgarden (Mar 16, 2012)

So sorry.


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## MullersLaneFarm (Jul 23, 2004)

I am so sorry, Lez. My prayers are with you as you heal.


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## BlueberryChick (May 12, 2008)

Wind in Her Hair said:


> I want to acknowledge what everyone is saying - but "liking" your heartbreaking comments  and accounts of losing loved ones, just seems wrong.
> 
> * I DON'T "like" - * but I want you to know I read your comment and I just wish there was a "I am so sorry" button.
> 
> :grouphug: to all of you that share in the heartache of this kind of loss.



I agree. On my iPad app, it just shows as a heart beside our names.. That seems right--our hearts are with you, IowaLez.


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## Marchwind (May 10, 2002)

Big long hugs for you Lezlie. So sad too sad for words really. I can only imagine what you are going through.

Ditto what WIahH said about the "like" button, I too am on my iPad and it is a heart. I'm just acknowledging I have read the posts and has nothing to do with "liking" what had happened.


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## romysbaskets (Aug 29, 2009)

When the sun sets in the sky and the colors are so beautiful, in this we know that as the beauty fades to darkness, it was present. Your friend passed on in your home with you by his side and a blossoming friendship he could embrace. I am so sorry you did not have more time with this wonderful man yet you gave him the greatest gift of all, your time as his last time. 

Big Hugs, love and prayers your way


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## IowaLez (Mar 6, 2006)

it does seem strange to like the condolences and kindnesses shown by you all, but it is the only way on here to say thanks and agree.

Micheal's best friend of 6 decades, Ed, and his daughter Jill came here earlier today to get his car. Ed came to my apt door and I had him come inside and he wanted me to tell him and show him what happened. He was crying and I got emotional too. I embraced him several times, his grief and tears were so sad to see. I really hurt in my heart for them both. Michael was an old Harley rider, a real biker to the heart, and Ed told me I would have gotten real familiar with his bike if he hadn't died. He and Jill said that I must be a wonderful gal for Michael to want/enjoy to be with me so much, they were glad he was happy that morning with me, and that I would have gotten to know one of the best guys on Earth, kind, generous and good to a fault. 

I told them many times how Michael was happy and smiling that morning we spent together, and at least the end came when he was happy, and not alone or driving on the highway. 

Ed was very concerned about what had become of his motorcycle vest, I know they are of great importance, with all the memorial badges sewn onto them. The medics gave his handgun kept in the vest pocket, to the police to hold, but the vest seems gone. Luci says she remembers it because she and the First responder man unbuttoned it so they could do the CPR and defibrillate him. It disappeared after they left here. I am going to try to find it for them.

Michael will be missed by many. (They used the nickname Butch for him.) He will be cremated after the closest friends do visitation at his casket side. Michael, and his buddy, Ed, had a huge hole of grief inside - Michael's son killed himself after he got really messed up on meth, 15 years ago. He wanted no funeral, so this Summer on a nice weekend they will do a big bbq keg of beer and have about 200 folks there at his place for a memorial, and they will be sure to let us know about when it will be. We want to be at it, and honor him with our testimony. Luci and I will never forget yesterday afternoon, we have vivid, almost slow motion memories of things that occurred, Luci was there in my apt living room through the whole thing.

Michael Long, RIP. 1949-2015.


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## Woodpecker (Mar 8, 2007)

I don't have any words for you Lez except that I am so sorry for your loss. Praying too.


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## PKBoo (Apr 10, 2008)

What a wonderful tribute to him Lez! So glad that you were able to become part of his life, if only for a short time. Thoughts and prayers are with you


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## IowaLez (Mar 6, 2006)

Thank you so much. What a lovely photo and comment. You are so spot on. I will never forget your words and your photo. Thank you so much.



romysbaskets said:


> When the sun sets in the sky and the colors are so beautiful, in this we know that as the beauty fades to darkness, it was present. Your friend passed on in your home with you by his side and a blossoming friendship he could embrace. I am so sorry you did not have more time with this wonderful man yet you gave him the greatest gift of all, your time as his last time.
> 
> Big Hugs, love and prayers your way
> 
> View attachment 44709


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## Osiris (Jun 9, 2010)

Wow Lez! That's horrible. So sorry for you. Makes us take stock of the uncertainties of life. Sending positive thoughts your way dear!


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## IowaLez (Mar 6, 2006)

Thursday I finally broke down and things hit home hard. I woke up crying. I sobbed all day. I cried until I finally fell asleep with the help of an Ambien, at midnight. I had cried so much that my whole face was red and chapped and hurt, and my eyes were all swollen (no movie star crying and then looking perfect 10 mins later for me). I used up an entire box of Kleenex tissues.:sob:

The hard part was thinking about my kitchen trash bag of all the medical rescue rubbish in the dumpster out in the parking lot... It was the bag with the end of a life in it, and all of the awful end of life things in it.

I was outside my building that afternoon, I had gone into the office to say a brief hi to Thane; I was feeling needy and he was the only one around; I came around the stairs and saw the dumpster, my mind spun, and as I began going up the stairs wearing my big Muck boots my legs turned to rubber and gave way and I fell down them backwards. 

I tried to catch myself, I kinda hopped backwards down a few steps with a thud, thud, thud, and I ended up flopped in the snow on my back, thankfully not on the concrete sidewalk. I was barely able to get back to my feet, and he had heard me fall down them, came out to check on me. I told him I was ok, and after a minute began going back up slowly, carefully, and he stood there watching me until I got to the top. When I got to my door and opened it, I almost fell into my unit flat on my face. I felt so stupid. :facepalm:

Friday morning I woke up about 6:30, and just laid there, weak and limp as a rag, and my mind was blank. I was, and still am, exhausted. About 7:30, I raised my head, looked out the window, and saw my daughter and the girls, waiting for the school bus out on the corner in the snow. I still couldn't get up, I just kept on laying there, and tears began rolling down my cheeks. Shortly thereafter, the thing I had been dreading, I heard the garbage truck come. The dumpster is right outside my unit, outside that window. I shut my eyes, and heard it grab and lift the dumpster, and the lids banging around as it tipped it up and over, and I heard all the trash fall into the truck. I really began crying then, because he was all gone. A living breathing person was gone. It was all done and over with and nothing is left. The truck drove off...

I spent the morning crying. I called my former psychiatrist's office, I was thinking some tranquilizers might be nice, and told his nurse what had happened. Actually I was sobbing too hard to even be understood. She told Dr Maret and he called me back shortly. It was good to hear his voice, but telling him about what had happened made me begin crying even harder. He knows all about me and he gave me some advice about how to get thru my mess of emotions: keep talking about it, and write in my journal. I don't want to feel like this forever... 

My phone has been silent. No more daily Hi, how is your day going, what have you been up to, can't wait to see you soon, I don't get to see you often enough. No more 9:30pm calls to wish me a good night before I go to sleep, and tell me tomorrow can't come soon enough so we can talk again. It took me until last night to realize that is all gone, that it will never be again. It is all so very sad. And I still don't understand why it had to be here, with me and Luci.

On a really silly note, I CAN actually smile a little bit today, Vickie spent the whole time the rescue efforts were going on cowering in her apartment bedroom. She heard the police sirens and thought they were coming to arrest her...

Thanks for all your kindnesses, and letting me tell my tale.


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## Wind in Her Hair (Jul 18, 2002)

hugs, Lez. 

:grouphug:

caring for another human being ALWAYS hurts.

sooner or later, one way or another, it hurts. 

Praying that the happiness, the hope, the memories of your past joys will some day outweigh the pain and the horror of his passing.


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## Kasota (Nov 25, 2013)

((((IowaLez))))) Maybe him being there had more to do with him than with you. Maybe he needed to not be alone and you were a gift and a blessing to him. And that is an honor few people get to have. 

It hurts. It's easy to have delayed stress reactions. Just remember that you gave him the gift of your presence in his final hours. And it sounds like the two of you sure made each other happy since you met. Those are good things to hold on to. Your heart is open enough to be hurt. ((((hugs))))


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## PonderosaQ (Jan 12, 2004)

I had the same experience many years ago. One day I hope you can look back and be glad he was with someone when it happened and he did not die alone unable to even call for help. That is how I look back on my experience though my kids say my cooking killed him! LOL Hoping you will feel better soon.


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## GeorgiaGirl (Jun 1, 2009)

Lez........I'm saying a prayer for you. I can't imagine the pain and grief.


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## mekasmom (Jan 19, 2010)

IowaLez said:


> I still don't understand why it had to be here, with me and Luci.


He wasn't alone and scared. He was with someone who cared about him.


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