# Teacher telling my child to "shut up"



## longhorngal (Aug 4, 2005)

I found out today that one of my daughter's teachers has been telling her to "shut up" in class. My daughter is 13 and has autism and spends most of the day in a special ed classroom and about an hour a day in a "home room". It's the home room teacher that is out of hand. I seriously doubt that she is talking enough to be disruptive. I feel really bad b/c Erin told me the other day that the teacher was mean to her and she didn't want to stay in her class. Erin would really like to just stay home most days so unfortunately I didn't take her all that seriously.

At any rate this is something I'm not going to tolerate-it's bad enough to say something like that to a normal kid but when you've got to subject a kid that already has problems to that nonsense it's uncalled for.

My question is do I go to the principal first, talk to the teacher or maybe her special ed teacher or who exactly?

My first impulse is to request a meeting with the principal first thing Monday but I don't want to go off on an emotional tangent which I'm afraid I'll do. 
Advice please!


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## tamsam (May 12, 2006)

I may be out of line but having had a son that was always in trouble I learned that there is usually two sides to every story. First I would talk to some of the kids in that class and ask what is going on. Nothing against you child so please don't take me the wrong way. We have a friend who has a son with autism and he is usually good in school. But every once in a while he has trouble as he doesn't do well with change. If school is called because of bad weather he has a very bad day. Hope you can get to the bottom of the story. Sam


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## longhorngal (Aug 4, 2005)

Actually, it was from kids in her class that I found this out. THey were in my car today for a skating trip and I heard them talking among themselves about it. I then started questioning them and found out what was said. I know that's hearsay but I was there and tend to believe they were being honest in what they were relating.
I don't think it is ever appropriate for a teacher to use the words "shut up". If you can't handle your job better than that you need to get a new one. My oldest daughter is a 2nd grade teacher so believe me I hear all the time about classroom problems.


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## suzfromWi (Jun 1, 2002)

Talk to the teacher. Shut up is ugly, but perhaps she told your DD to be quiet and the kids interpreted that to be shutup...Give her a chance to tell her side tho...


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## culpeper (Nov 1, 2002)

Speak to the teacher herself. Do NOT be confrontational, just making inquiries. That's just courtesy - also you get 'the other side of the story'. Kids tend to exaggerate a lot, as you should know. It's entirely possible the teacher didn't say 'shut up' at all, but that's how the kids related it.

If the teacher did actually say 'shut up', you should tell her you find this unacceptable, and that a recurrence will result in your information the principal of the matter. Ask her to use milder language in future.

You know, teachers are mere mortals just like the rest of us. With 'difficult' kids, even the best training in the world can be cast out the window by prolonged frustration! Go easy, be understanding. Having one or more 'kids with special needs' in a class is terribly disrupting for the other students, and incredibly demanding on the teacher.


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## Madame (Jan 1, 2003)

I agree with Culpeper. It might also help if you tell her what works at home. If need be, you could also see if dd could be transferred to another classroom - but that might be overly stressful for dd.


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## FarmerChick (Dec 28, 2009)

yea talk to the teacher
find out first hand
shut up is harsh and might have been said only once and it is all being exaggerated
ya just don't know til you ask the direct party

I said shut up to my kid by a knee jerk reaction a few times. I don't like to say it either. I hate shut up but it slips out every now and then for me.

Good luck in handling all this mess.


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## ronbre (Apr 26, 2009)

i would contact the head of the board of education for the area


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## luvrulz (Feb 3, 2005)

ronbre said:


> i would contact the head of the board of education for the area


I would check with the kids in your car and make sure it was "Shut up!" and not please be quiet. Then I would go to the school board! Jump to the top, if that is the truth.....


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## ErinP (Aug 23, 2007)

You don't think she should talk to the teacher _first_ to find out what's going on?


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## mayfinn farm (Nov 29, 2007)

Years ago, my daughter told me the Kindergarten teacher yelled at the class. I said, "honey, she is the K teacher, surely she wouldn't really yell." Fast forward 2 years, a little boy down the road goes to class with a tape recorder in his pocket. You would not believe the things this K teacher was saying. We are out of that school district now, and in a much better one, but it still makes me sick that I did nothing about it when it was happening to my child. If you don't feel comfortable talking to the teacher, or the principal, maybe a tape recorder is an option. It is our job as parents to advocate for our children...nobody else is going to do it.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=4945581&page=1


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## chickenista (Mar 24, 2007)

I second the voice activated tape recorder!

I once believed that all teachers were honest etc... until I dealt with one that wasn't.
Once I began questioning her, the attitude towards DS deteriorated even more, but I got smiles and reassurances etc... and had no real proof.
Sometimes talking to the teacher first is not the best thing to do.

Plus.. having it where you can hear it will let you know if you need to do anything at all. If the teacher is innocent, then her feelings could get really and understandably hurt.


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## ErinP (Aug 23, 2007)

True.
But it is _not okay_ to automatically assume the teacher is doing something horrendous!! 
*Talk to her and find out her side before going off half-cocked*

(This is _precisely_ why I don't teach full time anymore. I can not stand dealing with parents like this!!)


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## Becka (Mar 15, 2008)

As a former teacher, I'd advise you to talk to the teacher FIRST before you go over her head to a higher authority. Be non-confrontational, polite, and precise, but let her know how you feel. Then if the behavior continues, talk to the principal. I cannot tell you how many times angry parents will go jumping to conclusions and complaining about a teacher to the principal without even getting the teacher's side of the story. Sometimes the teacher has already dealt with the issue, only to get jumped on by the principal when there's been no communication to her from the parent. 

Talk to her first. It might be a minor issue.


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## deaconjim (Oct 31, 2005)

Disciplinary problems (involving the teacher, not the child) should be handled by the school administration. Have a meeting with the school principle and explain your concerns in very calm, rational manner (it helps to make your case more credible). Clearly state the problem as you see it, and what your expectations are from the teacher and from the school. Be reasonable, don't demand to have the teacher fired or anything. Also let the principle know you are now watching the situation closely, and that you will not tolerate continued abusive behavior.


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## Mom2Seven (Jan 17, 2008)

While I agree with DeaconJim that disciplinary issues involving the teacher should be handled by the administration, I'm really not sure there's a discipline issue at this point.

Please talk to the teacher and get her side of the story. Remember, you weren't there; you just talked to the kids that were. Kids can have some very different perceptions at times, based on the kind of language they are used to. It may just be a misunderstanding. I wouldn't go in with guns blazing - just let her know what you heard, and that you'd like to hear her side of the story so you two can work it out. LISTEN to her side of the story. It would really surprise me that the teacher is just saying, out of the blue, "Shut Up." In my opinion, there's probably more to the story here. Yes, there are some teachers out there that really shouldn't be teaching, but most of the teachers I've dealt with really love kids. Honestly, were it my kid, I'd give the teacher the benefit of the doubt and keep a close eye on the situation.

If talking to the teacher doesn't work, then you can go to the administration. You will also have on your side the fact that you tried to address this with the teacher on X date, and it didn't work. You can also talk to the teachers in the SPED classroom; they may have some thoughts on this as well. By all means, if your child is being harrassed by a teacher, fight for her. Just make sure you have the full story first!


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## txquilter (Dec 29, 2009)

Talk to the teacher first! Remember, teachers are human beings as well and deserve to at least have their side of the story heard. Children (at any age) can exaggerate an awful lot and what might have been a stern "be quiet" was translated by the kids as the teacher telling her to "shut up".

The other point is, you don't know exactly what transpired so it is good to find out what the teacher is dealing with. Maybe she doesn't fully understand your child's needs and a one on one conversation would be the best thing all around.

Give the teacher a chance to be heard (as I'm sure you would like to be heard if it was you in that same situation).


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## RedTartan (May 2, 2006)

It's also entirely possible that the teacher has different standards than evidently you all do. "Shut up" is harsh? Abusive? "Shut up" equals "Be quiet" in my view. But then again I was raised by my father with only my brother for company and now I have my own house full of boys... Maybe it's a regional thing?

Is this a new teacher? Maybe she hasn't yet realized that she shouldn't use with other children what she uses or hears in her own home without batting an eye.

"Shut up" is abusive? <RedTartan wanders off scratching her head in wonder...>


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## SteveD(TX) (May 14, 2002)

RedTartan said:


> It's also entirely possible that the teacher has different standards than evidently you all do. "Shut up" is harsh? Abusive? "Shut up" equals "Be quiet" in my view. But then again I was raised by my father with only my brother for company and now I have my own house full of boys... Maybe it's a regional thing?
> 
> Is this a new teacher? Maybe she hasn't yet realized that she shouldn't use with other children what she uses or hears in her own home without batting an eye.
> 
> "Shut up" is abusive? <RedTartan wanders off scratching her head in wonder...>


Maybe I'm from a different generation, but in my book, "shut up" is abusive, rude, and completely inappropriate for a teacher to use in class. The parent has an obligation to complain to get it corrected. I doubt the principal would agree with your view.


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## RedTartan (May 2, 2006)

SteveD(TX) said:


> Maybe I'm from a different generation, but in my book, "shut up" is abusive, rude, and completely inappropriate for a teacher to use in class. The parent has an obligation to complain to get it corrected. I doubt the principal would agree with your view.


Okay then. I guess I'm tired of hearing that everything is abusive. I think that calling things like this abusive, trivializes real abuse. That's not the point of this thread though, so I'll bow out of this thread before I disrupt it further.


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## Jolly (Jan 8, 2004)

SteveD(TX) said:


> Maybe I'm from a different generation, but in my book, "shut up" is abusive, rude, and completely inappropriate for a teacher to use in class. The parent has an obligation to complain to get it corrected. I doubt the principal would agree with your view.


Don't be so sure.

With "inclusion" and social promotion, comes challenges. Most people don't have a clue what a disrespectful place the classroom has become in many school districts.

My daughter has been teaching a couple of years now. Already she has had one parent taken out of her classroom in handcuffs. She has had a student taken out in handcuffs. She has confiscated knives in her classroom. She has been punched in her classroom. 

Fourth grade can be tough...


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## jen74145 (Oct 31, 2006)

Absolutely there are two sides. I'd also say probably 90% of teachers are normal, sane folks who are more than a tad patient. Sure, there are ones out there who need a different line of work, but I don't think they're so common you should automatically assume the worst.

One of my favorite teachers was my AP history teacher. She was great, we all loved her. There was a boy in our class who could not stop talking to save his life, and yes, one day she did turn to him in exasperation and ask him to "please, shut up!" We were all mid-teens, and I think he laughed hardest. And yes, he hushed. For the day. LOL

Just saying... get all sides. She's thirteen, and adults do make mistakes too. If her feelings were truly hurt, the teacher should know that and probably would fall over herself apologizing. 

Now, too, I have known some... difficult... teachers and if this one is unhinged, shouldn't be teaching. Your DD didn't come to you in tears over it.

I'm pretty torn too. A teacher who dislikes a kid doesn't need to have that kid in their class. I don't envy you trying to ferret this out.


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## deaconjim (Oct 31, 2005)

"Shut up" isn't necessarily abusive, but I would say it is disrespectful. I would expect my kids to treat the teacher with respect, and I also expect the teacher to treat my kids with respect. If my kids were misbehaving to the point that the teacher felt the need to talk to them in that manner, she should have contacted me about it. The fact that she hasn't done so is another point I would discuss with the principle.


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## Shadow (Jan 11, 2006)

Its my time to talk, please listen to what I need to tell the class, you are going to have to wait your turn to talk, please listen, be quite, hush, shut up, SHUT UP. Now lets do this for 25-30 students and you should have just stayed at home cause no one learned anything.
I have a friend that has a autistic boy, real problems, yet when they bring him to the farm he has a close to normal day. He is not disruptive, minds rater well and holds my hand when we walk down to the cliff and throw rocks off into the creek. First time him and his father came out when we started to walk along the cliff I told him to take my hand, he did not want to, I just stopped sat down and explained that when he was at the farm it was not like other places and what I said was to be done. 
His mother was partialy raised by me when a child and she was a handful but she always minded me. Thats is why she sends the boy out when she has just reached her end.
Now he holds my hand with out a word being said. At the same point he reaches for it.
Point it may be needed, If your child is disrupting class, the teacher has to be in control. If she can not be controled she needs to be in the special class room for home room too.
I feel for you but look at the problem from both sides. You child has every right to an education, but not at the expense of the whole class. Check into it more and see what is the problem, it may well be the teacher but it may well be your child. Best of wishes 
David


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## Canning Girl (Jan 13, 2010)

As a former secondary teacher who has had her share of run-ins with parents who took their child's word as gospel, I would encourage you to talk to the teacher first. If you are afraid that you will become overly emotional, send the teacher an e-mail. If she doesn't address your concern satisfactorily, then request a meeting with the teacher and the principal and perhaps include the special ed teacher as well. No one should EVER go straight to a school board member about something like this. If you go over her head, you will put her on the defensive, and things will likely not turn out well.


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## Madame (Jan 1, 2003)

I have been working in school libraries for over 20 years. Once in that time I told an unruly class to shut up. They were so surprised that they did. I apologized for being rude and that was the end of it. We're all human. Get the facts.


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## seedspreader (Oct 18, 2004)

RedTartan said:


> It's also entirely possible that the teacher has different standards than evidently you all do. "Shut up" is harsh? Abusive? "Shut up" equals "Be quiet" in my view. But then again I was raised by my father with only my brother for company and now I have my own house full of boys... Maybe it's a regional thing?
> 
> Is this a new teacher? Maybe she hasn't yet realized that she shouldn't use with other children what she uses or hears in her own home without batting an eye.
> 
> "Shut up" is abusive? <RedTartan wanders off scratching her head in wonder...>


Well, we've taken paddles out of the school... what could it hurt to take away "shut up"?

I can't understand why ANYONE would want to be a teacher these days...

I'm with you Red, of course in my house, it wouldn't matter whether it was shut up or be quiet... I would want to know why my child wasn't doing either one of those... because THAT is where my concern is. WHY is the teacher needing to tell my child to shut their trap? "Shut up" usually doesn't come out because my angel of a child sneezed out of turn or made a peep.

Another thing, (while I am getting all the overprotective mothers fired-up at me) when the teachers DO something that I disagree with, I take it up with the school, but I don't talk down that teacher in front of my kids. I want my kids to realize that I support the teachers (even when I disagree with them).

If the worst thing that happens to a child is the teacher tells them to shut up, I'd say you've got a pretty good school system. 

I won't repeat what my kids have heard on the bus from the other students... it's FAR worse than "shut up".


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## misplaced (Feb 20, 2009)

RedTartan said:


> It's also entirely possible that the teacher has different standards than evidently you all do. "Shut up" is harsh? Abusive? "Shut up" equals "Be quiet" in my view. But then again I was raised by my father with only my brother for company and now I have my own house full of boys... Maybe it's a regional thing?
> 
> Is this a new teacher? Maybe she hasn't yet realized that she shouldn't use with other children what she uses or hears in her own home without batting an eye.
> 
> "Shut up" is abusive? <RedTartan wanders off scratching her head in wonder...>


When I was in school, I witnessed a teacher throwing an eraser at my best friends head to shut her up..... now that might have been considered a tad abusive :indif:
She told her mom about it and she said... "well next time... shut up!"


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## debbydoo1966 (Jan 15, 2007)

Rebel Lemming said:


> When I was in school, I witnessed a teacher throwing an eraser at my best friends head to shut her up..... now that might have been considered a tad abusive :indif:
> She told her mom about it and she said... "well next time... shut up!"


LOL, smart mom. That's what mine would of said.


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## tnokie (Jan 30, 2007)

RedTartan said:


> Okay then. I guess I'm tired of hearing that everything is abusive. I think that calling things like this abusive, trivializes real abuse. That's not the point of this thread though, so I'll bow out of this thread before I disrupt it further.


I agree with Tartan. This is just a little thing to get so "horribly" upset about. Since you live with your austic child ,do you mean to tell me that you don't she might get "out of control" once in awhile? I have been around austic children in class rooms and sometimes a loud Sut Up or a loud Please Stop is all that gets their attention. Add this child to a whole class room of energectic kids and how could anyone blame a teacher for doing that. I notice you don't homeschool her,so apparently you can't be around her all day so why get someone who is around her and proably many more such kids all day! I couldn't be a prim and proper Teacher and doubt seriously if you could either.
In a day when a child is attacked,molested,hurt,abused physically,abannoned ectis on our daily news,I find your anger at a teacher telling your problem child Shut Up ridiculous.Way to much protectiveness is as bad as not enough!


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## Guest (Feb 15, 2010)

I would request a meeting with the teacher. I'd ask her if she said "Shut up!" to my kid or not. If she did, then every time she opened her mouth, I'd say SHUT UP in a loud booming voice. Let her try to explain things and say SHUT UP after every sentence. I'd let her yammer on and on and still say SHUT UP. On the way out I'd tell her that "My child felt as mad, weak and worthless as you do now. All because you told them to shut up. If it happens again, I'll talk to the Superintendent and he will shut you up, too." Then walk out. 

Let her see how it feels to have something important to say and the big person in charge keeps telling you to shut up.


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## Madame (Jan 1, 2003)

Tonya,
How does that resolve the problem?


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## wally (Oct 9, 2007)

Let me understand this. your special needs child was told shut up because they were interupting the education of the other students. Take the PC of this and go down the road as I would not my child to suffer because of yours.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

longhorngal said:


> I found out today that one of my daughter's teachers has been telling her to "shut up" in class. My daughter is 13 and has autism and spends most of the day in a special ed classroom and about an hour a day in a "home room".
> 
> My question is do I go to the principal first, talk to the teacher or maybe her special ed teacher or who exactly?
> 
> ...


Most of the time I would suggest that you speak with the teacher first. In this instance I think it's probably best to speak with the principal. Write down what you want to say. This will help prevent the emotional break down that would be so easy to have. It's ok to have this.... just not in front of the principal. 

How did you learn about this behavior? If it was your daughter who told you... the teacher is going to say she just misunderstood her, I'm betting. If that's the case, the school will have so way to monitor the classroom.

If the teacher claims that your daughter is disruptive then than a better solution than yelling at her is to have a one on one aide with her. Since this is expensive I'll bet that the school would first want to know how often this happens.

I'm so sorry this is happening and so glad that she's got a momma bear for a mom.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

I have been teaching in an extremely rough neighborhood in the city for 13 years. My opinion on this comes from my experience with students, teachers, parents, and administration. 
1) Talk to the teacher first simply because if she is being mean to your daughter, going above her head will make things worse. Meet with her weekly, if possible, and create a positive behavior plan.
2) There is no place in a classroom for degrading children with rude comments like "shut-up". I have wanted to shout that hundreds of times to my students and my own children, but I am the adult and I need to model self-control and kindness.
3) People who go into teaching need to accept that they are being paid to deal with various behavior issues and if it is too much for them and they get frustrated often they might need to consider another career.
4) Dealing with special needs children is part of the job. It needs to be handled respectfully and quickly so that it does not interfere with the education of others.

My response to the poster who was concerned a child like this will take away from their child's education, I do understand your concern, however, the world is not made up of perfect children who do not require additional attention. What if you had a special needs child? Would you keep him/her in a separate classroom and therefore limiting interaction with other children who may be able to model appropriate behaviors that would benefit your child?
Autistic children need to be surrounded by children without autism in order to observe them interacting and using problem solving skills. If we locked all of the autistic children into one room, they would not be exposed to regular social behavior.
One more thought....I have found that children who shout out often are trying to get attention. Talk to the teacher and find out if your child is being called on and if she is, is she being praised when she does raise her hand.


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## JanS (Jul 28, 2002)

ErinP said:


> True.
> But it is _not okay_ to automatically assume the teacher is doing something horrendous!!
> *Talk to her and find out her side before going off half-cocked*
> 
> (This is _precisely_ why I don't teach full time anymore. I can not stand dealing with parents like this!!)


Because of course if the teacher did something wrong, she is going to admit it....


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## rockinl (Mar 23, 2006)

I was just reading along without signing in until I read this thread title. I have a story of when a teacher told my 16-yr-old son to shut up, and he became hysterical. Then, I read that your child is autistic , and I was very upset also. Only because I have an autistic grandson and his school is so wonderful, but he couldn't tell us if someone was saying or doing anything inappropriate, and I worry about that. 
So, back to the 16-yr-old's story. In my house, we don't say shut-up. My first three children are very close in age, and when they were teens, they started to say it to each other. I really gave them a stern lecture about using other words and how disrespectful I thought "shut-up" sounded. Just a personal thing I didn't like to hear from my children. 
Well, one day, I get a phone call from the high school that the 16-yr-old is in the principal's office for a discipline problem and I needed to come to school right away. Upon arriving, my son was livid. He couldn't wait for me to get to school to tell me his story and he was sure I would defend his actions and he would be a hero, because I was going to be so upset that someone said that to my precious child. 
Well, in my son's own words, my son and his buddies were re-living the last Friday night's football game and would not settle down and be quiet for class. After being asked several times to be quiet, the teacher yelled at him to shut-up. My son was so offended that he bowed up to this male teacher and said, "you can't say that to me, my parents don't say that to me, and you can't speak like that to me!"
Imagine my son's surprise when I told him in the principal's office that I wished the teacher had used other words, but he should never have had to ask him more than once to be quiet. I also told him that anyone in authority can tell him to shut-up and he better do it, but he better not be needing to be told. 
Now, I understand that it seems I sent a mixed message to him, but not really. 
_Not_ saying shut-up is correct. I cannot imagine trying to teach chemistry to a bunch of teenagers, and I greatly admire those who do. As strongly as I feel about "shut-up", if you locked me in a room of 20 teens, I can promise I would probably use it!!
Fast-forward to today, after that son spent several years in the military, and he says the most valuable thing he learned was a big case of "shut-the-heck-up". 
This story does not apply to a special needs child. Teachers should be trained that speaking to an autistic child in that manner accomplishes nothing except promoting aggression towards those with disability. In my very biased opinion, that teacher needs to know that it will not be tolerated. Depending on how she reacts to your discussion, then further action may be warranted. 
I am sure that you have felt less patience from staff and a bit of intolerance having a special needs child. I know my daughter-in-law has. I want to offer you encouragement to be an advocate for your child. All children need it, but yours especially. 
I would let the teacher know that you overheard several children discussing the incident. She will then know that her words are having an effect on many. I am sure none of the children want to hear her speak that way. 
I always found it had a profound effect on my children when I spoke directly to their teachers. It let them know that lines of communication were open, and that I was defending them, but I was also getting both sides of the story. It mattered to the teachers and the children, and I believe it affected how both acted. 
Best wishes to you and hugs to your child.


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## ErinP (Aug 23, 2007)

> Because of course if the teacher did something wrong, she is going to admit it....


She might or she might not. That will be an issue even if the principal is spoken to first. 
But I'll bet my left arm, the student handbook that Cara signed at the beginning of the year has a very clear policy that concerns about teachers/classrooms should first be approached with _the teacher_. 

There's a _reason_ that policy exists in every school district I've ever known.



> I always found it had a profound effect on my children when I spoke directly to their teachers. It let them know that lines of communication were open, and that I was defending them, but I was also getting both sides of the story. It mattered to the teachers and the children, and I believe it affected how both acted.


I think you're right. 
And this is the best way to handle it


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Child A disrupts class.
Child B-G cannot work because of this disruption.
Child A then insights Child M and N to join in the disruption.
The teacher loses control of the class room.

Now the teacher steps up and tells child A to "shut it". 
The teacher has flexed her authority.
Child A's mom agrees with teacher, class is under control. Education happens.
Child A's mom flips out and demands rights and other stuff.
Teacher loses control, The children sniff it out, and exploit it for all it's worth.

If all parents want all children treated equally.....then fine. Or not? When certain children are corrected it becomes a federal offense and what makes that child special or unique then becomes the banner, the poster child of RIGHTS RIGHTS RIGHTS.

What about the rights of the child that just wants to go to school and learn? What about the rights of the child that obeys, shows up, does their work, cooperates, and respects the teacher and their classmates???? What about their right to learn???


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## tiffnzacsmom (Jan 26, 2006)

First, this is homeroom never knew of any educating going on in homeroom, just taking attendence, the pledge and 15 minutes of "special" announcements. Second, the teacher should have been skills then jumping to saying shut up, I don't think I ever heard a teacher say it while I was in school or finishing my education degree. I'd send an e-mail to the teacher and the principal and the special ed teacher about your concerns that other students had told you of inappropriate phrases in the classroom. My newest client is autistic as is a boy I sometimes babysit, in both cases if they get loud I get calmer and quieter with them it works much better than getting loud in return. A simple "calm down" works better than "shut up".


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## SteveD(TX) (May 14, 2002)

Tonya said:


> I would request a meeting with the teacher. I'd ask her if she said "Shut up!" to my kid or not. If she did, then every time she opened her mouth, I'd say SHUT UP in a loud booming voice. Let her try to explain things and say SHUT UP after every sentence. I'd let her yammer on and on and still say SHUT UP. On the way out I'd tell her that "My child felt as mad, weak and worthless as you do now. All because you told them to shut up. If it happens again, I'll talk to the Superintendent and he will shut you up, too." Then walk out.
> 
> Let her see how it feels to have something important to say and the big person in charge keeps telling you to shut up.


Yea that would be a great idea. It would certainly calm the situation and make things so much better for you in your attempts to deal with your kid's teachers. (right)


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## luvrulz (Feb 3, 2005)

Tonya said:


> I would request a meeting with the teacher. I'd ask her if she said "Shut up!" to my kid or not. If she did, then every time she opened her mouth, I'd say SHUT UP in a loud booming voice. Let her try to explain things and say SHUT UP after every sentence. I'd let her yammer on and on and still say SHUT UP. On the way out I'd tell her that "My child felt as mad, weak and worthless as you do now. All because you told them to shut up. If it happens again, I'll talk to the Superintendent and he will shut you up, too." Then walk out.
> 
> Let her see how it feels to have something important to say and the big person in charge keeps telling you to shut up.


What a ridiculous thing you are saying!!! How is that teaching your child in dealing with offensive people in a tactful way?? I pity your child -


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## ChristyACB (Apr 10, 2008)

I hate to say it, but honestly, having autistic children out of control in a classroom is like waving a red flag at bulls. The rest of the children go nuts.

Bottom line is that when an autistic child gets overwhelmed and loses control and gets loud, why should a teacher, who is paid to teach, suddenly be required to become Miss Psychotherapy? If you want your child to be in a class with other children who don't have a problem learning, then YOU should be sitting outside that classroom each and every time your child is there to remove the child and re-establish control when she loses it. Bottom line.

As to shut up? Well, it's not a nice way to say it, but unfortunately it has lost the "bad word" stigma nowadays. Kids say it to each other to express disbelief. Even some of the younger officers are saying it to each other. I don't think it is very cultured and perhaps a bit crass but it isn't cursing. More than anything, it is often an expression of dealing with something that just can't be controlled. And if your child is what can't be controlled then she needs to be where Miss Homeroom CAN be Miss Psychotherapy and pretend like no other child whose parents pay taxes actually matter.

And if you think that going to a principal and basically ruining this person's life by accusations of abuse (which must be acted on regardless of whether they are true or not) is the way to solve things, especially without even speaking to the teacher, then you really shouldn't be wasting other tax payers money with your out of control child.


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## luvrulz (Feb 3, 2005)

wally said:


> Let me understand this. your special needs child was told shut up because they were interupting the education of the other students. Take the PC of this and go down the road as I would not my child to suffer because of yours.


And this doesn't make any sense - either you've spelled something wrong or left out a word or 2.... Just what are you trying to say?


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## mullberry (May 3, 2009)

maybe You could tell your abnormal kid to shut up & not bother the other students?


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## seedspreader (Oct 18, 2004)

Put a fork in this one... it's done.


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## Guest (Feb 15, 2010)

luvrulz said:


> What a ridiculous thing you are saying!!! How is that teaching your child in dealing with offensive people in a tactful way?? I pity your child -


Pity away. 

I will NOT take kindly to people telling my kid to "shut up"-especially if they were special needs. I would think that this ADULT would understand that it's a NO NO. But since she doesn't understand common courtesy, I would dish it right back to her. I am not afraid of my children's teachers-or DCFS if they want to push it that far. I've been a foster parent and have been this brusk with crack heads, judges and social workers. It's the way I am and I've had several folks tell me that my bruskness and ability to take off the kid gloves woke them up. 

I will *NOT* roll over to her so-called 'authority'. She lost that when she was rude and ignorant to my child. No amount of talking and pointing out her faux pas would ever get into her head. Sometimes you have to bring out the sledgehammer.


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## ErinP (Aug 23, 2007)

But perhaps you hold off on the sledgehammer until you're sure you have _all_ the facts.


Just a suggestion...:shrug:


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## Guest (Feb 16, 2010)

Wow..


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

mullberry said:


> maybe You could tell your abnormal kid to shut up & not bother the other students?


That was unnecessary...:umno:


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## okgoatgal2 (May 28, 2002)

i think there's been some unnecessary rudeness on this thread.


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## TJN66 (Aug 29, 2004)

Cara,
Did you talk to teacher/principal? What did you find out?


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## Honorine (Feb 27, 2006)

My son is autistic, most likely Aspergers, and he babbles constantly about video games, cartoons and more video games. He's clever, and manipulative, and lately very difficult to control in the class when he's gets going. He is mainstreamed, in regular classes all day long, as mentioned by someone its incredibly important that autistic children be socialized with non-autistics, how esle are they going to to learn to function and make their way thru society. He has a TSS worker with him most of the day, and the school will often supply an aide when she isn't there, so that he does not monopolize the teacher and disrupt the class. His academics are usually perfect, its behavior and dealing with change and transitions that are difficult. Perhaps thats the answer here, perhaps your daughter needs some support during the time she is in homeroom. I myself prefer having a TSS as opposed to a school aide, as the TSS is a strong advocate for my child and tells me exactly what goes on and so is my eyes and ears. That said if the teacher told my kid to shut up I wouldn't blink an eye, let alone get terribly emotionally upset over it, as he's stood up in her class and screamed that he hated her I would figure they were even. I'd figure he deserved it, as he drives me sometimes to tell him to shut up. Because your daughter didn't run to you about it shows that she may be far less upset than you are, and may have already handled it quite well on her own, she is 13. By all means talk to the teacher, but at the same time make certain she's getting the help and support that she needs so that she can continue to be in regular classes with the other kids, it really is so important. As you already know this is part of life with an autistic kid, not everyone is going to be as accepting or as kind as we'd like them to be, and that often extends to even educators.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Child A disrupts class.
> Child B-G cannot work because of this disruption.
> Child A then insights Child M and N to join in the disruption.
> The teacher loses control of the class room.
> ...


If the teacher cannot control the classroom without telling a child to shut up that person should not be a teacher. I say this as a former teacher. 

Having special needs children in a classroom enriches their lives. It does not harm it. It helps typical children learn about all our differences. It helps them learn that special needs children are a wonderful gift.

Should my special needs child be segregated because she's different? A typical child who really wants to learn can certainly handle an occasional outburst. Goodness sakes, typical children certainly have more outbursts than special needs children. 

If there's a special needs child who has frequent outbursts the school can and should provide a one-on-one aide. If frequent outbursts are happening with a special needs child your beef should not be with the child. The beef should be with the school. Schools can make accommodations that will lessen these.

My child has rights and she deserves to be treated like every other child.


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## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

After three or four "please be quiet", it may be appropriate to turn it up a notch or two. "Shut up" has a more aggressive tone to it. That might be the teacher's attempt to gain control of her class and actually teach something.

I have relatives that are school teachers, my ex drove school bus and I did a lot of school bus driving, too. I'm amazed at the number of parents that automatically side with their children. When a child's bad behavior is brought to the parents, they defend and deny, plus try to turn the situation around, making the authority figure into the bad guy.

This is a major generational change. Back when I was a kid........ you know the story. But today if the teacher can't prove it, then the kid didn't do it. That's the main reason there are hidden cameras in school buses. Parents won't believe their child did wrong until you rub their face in it. Then wonder why they don't respect authority.

Because the School Board needs votes for milage to operate the schools, they don't want to go against a parent. Easier to threaten a teacher with disciplinary action that support her.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

haypoint said:


> After three or four "please be quiet", it may be appropriate to turn it up a notch or two. "Shut up" has a more aggressive tone to it. That might be the teacher's attempt to gain control of her class and actually teach something.QUOTE]
> 
> It really shouldn't get to that point if she is using positive reinforcement and other appropriate behavior modification strategies.
> I highly recommend that this mom meets with the teacher to come up with a behavior plan, even if it means mom sitting in the classroom and helping with behavior issues.
> As a parent, when my children get in trouble my first question is, "What did YOU do?" But that is just me, and I don't have a special needs child.


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## misplaced (Feb 20, 2009)

Joshie said:


> My child has rights and she deserves to be treated like every other child.


exactly. What would happen if a child without special needs is disrupting the class? My cousin used to get sent to the principles office every time he did it.
Shut up may offensive to some people, but if the child won't keep their trap shut when the teacher is trying to teach.....


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## tnokie (Jan 30, 2007)

I really don't understand why you posted.You obviously don't intend to take any advise into concideration. Apparently you have bully your way thru the system before and intend to again. Being an advocate for foster kids and kids with problems is great unless you turn it into a personal crusade to be the top dog no matter what damage you do to others or who gets in your way!
Yes there has been some rudeness on this thread,I'm as guilty as anyone else. But if you aren't going to listen to what others say then I think its time to tell you to "Shut Up" and lets close this thread before we all get kicked off!


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## Jennifer L. (May 10, 2002)

Tonya said:


> I would request a meeting with the teacher. I'd ask her if she said "Shut up!" to my kid or not. If she did, then every time she opened her mouth, I'd say SHUT UP in a loud booming voice. Let her try to explain things and say SHUT UP after every sentence. I'd let her yammer on and on and still say SHUT UP. On the way out I'd tell her that "My child felt as mad, weak and worthless as you do now. All because you told them to shut up. If it happens again, I'll talk to the Superintendent and he will shut you up, too." Then walk out.
> 
> Let her see how it feels to have something important to say and the big person in charge keeps telling you to shut up.


I hope you're joking.

Jennifer


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## pheasantplucker (Feb 20, 2007)

As a former teacher, I would suggest you express your concerns to the teacher directly. I am guilty of having used the expression "shut up" to an entire class, before. Not in an ugly threatening way, and certainly never to an individual student. I have had students who persist on talking and being disruptive even though I have nicely requested that they stop talking. I've isolated them, given detentions, yadayadayada, and some still insist on talking constantly. That is rude, too. I think you've been given a mix of advice here. some good, some, I question. There are two sides to every story. I was once accused by a student of using the "F" word toward her. An absolute lie. Teachers get frustrated, and sometimes our impatience gets the best of us. I'm not making excuses, but rather trying to let you see the human side to teachers. You should express your concerns, and hopefully (if she did use that expression toward your child) it will cease. How is saying "shut up" any different from saying "Shush"???


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## Jolly (Jan 8, 2004)

Tonya said:


> I would request a meeting with the teacher. I'd ask her if she said "Shut up!" to my kid or not. If she did, then every time she opened her mouth, I'd say SHUT UP in a loud booming voice. Let her try to explain things and say SHUT UP after every sentence. I'd let her yammer on and on and still say SHUT UP. On the way out I'd tell her that "My child felt as mad, weak and worthless as you do now. All because you told them to shut up. If it happens again, I'll talk to the Superintendent and he will shut you up, too." Then walk out.
> 
> Let her see how it feels to have something important to say and the big person in charge keeps telling you to shut up.


In my daughter's school, your loud, booming voice would lead to the resource officer demanding in a very nice tone that you cease and desist. Further antics would lead to either somebody posting bail for you or you'd sit in the parish jail until your hearing.

If you want people to respect you, you must also respect them.


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## ErinP (Aug 23, 2007)

I had a parent complain to the principal once about how I was telling the kids to ignore authority and I often went barefoot in class. 

I was baffled. lol 

My principal got the parent to call me with her concerns and she laid in to me! 
"I do NOT appreciate you telling the kids it's OK to ignore authority!"
"Steph, I have no idea what you're talking about..."
"You told the kids it was OK to wear tennis shoes to school (as a teacher, and our school does professional dress) and that Mr. R. would never catch you because he was so far away" (our principal's office is another district gradeschool, 35 miles away).

Turns out her fourth grader had come home from school one day and told a story which was sort of true... 



I had an ankle length denim jumper-dress that I liked to wear with a red turtleneck and red sneakers. It was really cute. 

However, one of my other fourth graders told me one morning as we started our day that "Ya know Mrs. P, on What Not to Wear they say you're not supposed to wear sneakers with a dress. It makes you look too kid-like." 
I chuckled, looked down at my sneakers and said, "Eh. I can get away with that. I'm a grade-school teacher." 

And you can see where that one spiraled out of control. 


"But Steph, what about the barefoot thing??"

"Well, Jessie also says you usually have a pair of tennis shoes under your desk. So you must be barefoot."


Oh good night... :doh:
"Kathy (5&6th) and I go walking right after school every night before we settle in to grade papers, do lesson plans, etc. Those are my walking shoes. I don't wear them _during_ school, so they live in a corner under my desk."




What does this story illustrate? 
That this parent went off half-cocked, griped to the principal, griped to a board member or two, griped to other parents and SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT!

She made an utter fool of herself (and worse! maligned _my_ character) because she didn't do the simplest thing; ask me what my side of this was.


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## 65284 (Sep 17, 2003)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Child A disrupts class.
> Child B-G cannot work because of this disruption.
> Child A then insights Child M and N to join in the disruption.
> The teacher loses control of the class room.
> ...



Hear Hear. You have it exactly correct. It's my opinion that part of the reason our education system, in general, has gone into the tank is reflected by the belligerent attitude of a lot of the posters on this thread. 

They seem to be more concerned about a teacher allegedly treating some little darling mean than what the teacher is able to accomplish educationally. I can't imagine why anyone would want to be a teacher, or why anyone would stick with it. From what I've seen teachers spend as much or more time trying to maintain order and civilizing some of these spoiled rotten smart mouth little monsters than teaching.

When outraged parents and slimy lawyers started suing over little or nothing more than hurt feelings discipline began to break down. And mainlining special needs kids completed the destruction. If children have special needs to the point they can't function normally in class they should be placed in a special needs environment, not disrupting a whole class of other children.

I donât think telling a rude disruptive child to âshut upâ is either rude and for dang sure not abusive. I donât suppose there is a chance when a child is told to shut up they simply need to SHUT UP!

If I had ever been told by a teacher to shut up I assure the very last thing I would ever have wanted was for my parents to find out about it. And thatâs one of the major differences between schools now and then. I would have had a whole lot of explaining to do and probably still would have been corrected; now parents want to crucify the teacher.


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## mnn2501 (Apr 2, 2008)

longhorngal said:


> I don't think it is ever appropriate for a teacher to use the words "shut up". .


Good thing you were not in school in the 60's like I was, you would have heard and seen much worse than that.

Sorry, but the world is not a nice place out there and I think you may be over reacting. The sooner your child learns the world is not always nice, and that there are rules to follow including being quiet at times -- the better IMHO

You are over-reacting


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

65284 said:


> Hear Hear. You have it exactly correct. It's my opinion that part of the reason our education system, in general, has gone into the tank is reflected by the belligerent attitude of a lot of the posters on this thread.


One of the main reasons our Founding Fathers set up our system of government was to prevent laws from favoring only the majority. We would have no protection for the minority otherwise. That type of system would not support our differences and our freedom would diminish. The thing is.... the majority of children fit into the school system well. 

I am not out of line when I demand an appropriate education for my special needs child. 

Whether or not you agree, in most areas it is considered downright rude to yell shut up at any child, let alone a special needs child. If a teacher cannot control a child (I'm not talking about special needs children in this instance) the teacher has (or should have) the support of the school administration. If the teacher cannot control a child, that child should be sent to the principal, not be yelled at.

The parents of special needs children must advocate for their children and demand an appropriate education.

This is from a mom who has an IEP meeting at 8 am tomorrow.


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## fantasymaker (Aug 28, 2005)

Rebel Lemming said:


> When I was in school, I witnessed a teacher throwing an eraser at my best friends head to shut her up..... now that might have been considered a tad abusive :indif:
> She told her mom about it and she said... "well next time... shut up!"





debbydoo1966 said:


> LOL, smart mom. That's what mine would of said.


Seems pretty reasonable to me.



Joshie said:


> I am not out of line when I demand an appropriate education for my* special needs* child.
> .


 So your child has special needs? And because of that its entitled to MORE?
Well my child has a special need too. My child needs a education free from unruly disruptive influences. My child needs to be able to hear the teacher and concentrate on his and her studies without having have their attention diverted to keep a eye on yours. And while my kid is struggling to glean a tiny bit of education out of this system you want to complain because the teacher told your kid to stop disrupting the class?
Tell your kid to shut up!


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## ErinP (Aug 23, 2007)

> I am not out of line when I demand an appropriate education for my special needs child.


That's absolutely true. 
Additionally, not only is it good for the child on an IEP to be surrounded by their peers for as much of the day as possible, it's also good for their peers to see kids of all needs and requirements. 
"Normal" is a spectrum. 

But the biggest problem in this thread is WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE TEACHER SAID. 
We only have children's gossip which is about as reliable as _adult's_ gossip. 

She hasn't been given the common courtesy of a simple conversation.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Not exactly abusive, but along the same lines as calling someone a jerk or something. Just not nice, while not really curse words. It's also something you don't want your child to pick up and use. If YOUR child said "shut up" to someone, would it make you feel badly? It's along the lines of, "I don't care what you have to say, not important, YOU aren't important."

I would definitely need to know if that was the exact verbage she used, or the exaggeration of kids. To ask her, she most likely won't fess up and say, "Oh yeah, I said that to her, silly me."


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## wally (Oct 9, 2007)

It does not matter how thick the cheese is cut, but their is always 2 sides


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## lamoncha lover (Mar 1, 2009)

after about 5 hush/ be quiet ,settle downs at my house...Yep..It is shut up time.
Now if a teacher told my grand children to shut up..I too would tell them they had better shut up at school.
Grandson has special needs....but he is not accepotable for him to disrupt his classroom..
I don't know..maybe its just me..But I am one toughie grandma..


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## Farmerwilly2 (Oct 14, 2006)

Madame said:


> Tonya,
> How does that resolve the problem?


It dosen't. Just another left leaning knee jerk.


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## Guest (Feb 18, 2010)

Farmerwilly2 said:


> It dosen't. Just another left leaning knee jerk.


Nah, a Leftie would demand sensitivity training and all of that PC stuff. After I get the facts, I would realize that they already have all of that training and since it didn't work, I'd play harder. If I can't stand up for my kid, who can? 


And how did you get that I'm a left leaner from this? Why does politics have to enter the equasion?


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## lamoncha lover (Mar 1, 2009)

after several experiences I no longer advocate blindly for my kids. It is far better to get ALL the information and then try and act like a rational person then to go in swinging blindly defending your child.
I really believe the folks who think lil Johnny would never do that and defend to the death, do their children a disservice. Kids are real quick to learn about pitting one authority or person of power against another. It is always wise to act....less like a mad momma lion and more like a rational human willing to even hear/ believe negatives about your kid.
Don't get me wrong. If i knew my child was sitting quietly in the room and a teacher went up and screamed shut up in his face...I would be the first to defend. On the other hand,..,thats a pretty unlikely scenario.


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## daretodream (Nov 12, 2007)

mullberry said:


> maybe You could tell your abnormal kid to shut up & not bother the other students?


:shocked::nono:


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## ErinP (Aug 23, 2007)

Farmerwilly2 said:


> It dosen't. Just another left leaning knee jerk.


In a thread full of questionable comments, this one has to make the _least_ sense...


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

fantasymaker said:


> Seems pretty reasonable to me.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


How is my special needs child getting more than your child?

My child is latex allergic... her _more_ at her last school was no ability to play on the playground from Early Intervention (age 3) until second grade. They refused to remove the tire chips from the playground. 

Her school was so kind as to offer accommodations for PE due to her CP and her latex allergy. Want to know what that _more_ is? They sent her to the office where she sat while the others had PE.

She has severe asthma because she was vented for nine weeks at birth. She has to stay out of the heat and humidity. Want to know what her _more_ was? They left her *alone* in her classroom while the others went out at recess. 

School systems have the ability to control the behavior of special needs kids who cause interruptions. They can provide aids but often do not because they don't want to pay for those aids. Your beef is with the school, no the child.

How is it my child's fault that she was born before she was 23 weeks gestation? How is it her fault that she has CP, learning disabilities, CAPD, hearing loss, etc.? It's not! Let us be kind to the children and address issues with the school. Schools must follow the law. My child cannot be segregated. 

My child will never be "normal." Reading all these hardened heart comments makes me very thankful that she is the lovely child she is and not as "normal" as some of the posters.

My child has a service dog. Some people think that this is something extra. Accommodations are about leveling the playing field, not providing more. 

Why all the bickering about attempting to provide a level playing field?


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## tiffnzacsmom (Jan 26, 2006)

To all those nasty commenters I truly hope you never, ever have a loved one with a profound disability.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

tiffnzacsmom said:


> To all those nasty commenters I truly hope you never, ever have a loved one with a profound disability.


Amen. It wouldn't be fair to the child.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

Joshie said:


> How is my special needs child getting more than your child?
> 
> My child is latex allergic... her _more_ at her last school was no ability to play on the playground from Early Intervention (age 3) until second grade. They refused to remove the tire chips from the playground.
> 
> ...


Your daughter is blessed to have YOU as a parent. People who do not have experience with special needs children do not understand the obstacles the child and family face. The hurtful comments on this thread show a lack of compassion and acceptance. Go give your daughter a big hug because she is a blessing.


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## AngieM2 (May 10, 2002)

Joshie - I have questions, and since your post covers most of the areas I'm going to ask them from that reference. 







Joshie said:


> How is my special needs child getting more than your child?
> 
> My child is latex allergic... her _more_ at her last school was no ability to play on the playground from Early Intervention (age 3) until second grade. They refused to remove the tire chips from the playground. * Why should they remove them for one student, and put the budget and the other students out for just one child?*
> 
> ...


I don't mean to be disrespectful to the young and parents that have learning specialness, but so far only the ones with learning specialness that is on the struggling side of the equation has been really addressed here - why is it that the brilliant student or even the good student and their learning rights are not as strongly being defended?


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## Guest (Feb 18, 2010)

Saint Louis has had a "special school district" for almost 50 years..children who have severe developmental disabilities are in the same classrooms..children who have a need for aides/nurses have all of their physical and educational needs met..children who are able to be in a mainstream classroom but need additional services due to disabilities receive services in their own schools from the SSD staff..IMHO, it's an excellent model for other school systems. 

I mention this because it meets the needs of the children with disabilities very well.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

> How is my special needs child getting more than your child?
> My child is latex allergic... her more at her last school was no ability to play on the playground from Early Intervention (age 3) until second grade. They refused to remove the tire chips from the playground.
> 
> Her school was so kind as to offer accommodations for PE due to her CP and her latex allergy. Want to know what that more is? They sent her to the office where she sat while the others had PE.
> ...


What a miracle baby!! Personally, I would *never* trust such a treasure to the public school system. I would educate her at home, and join a home school group in my area. My evil SIL is an aid in the department where children with special needs are......and I have listened to her......and I pray God has mercy on her. The things she says and does to those kids.....and she's not the only one. It's horrible.

When my kids went to school, we ran into the same thing, the 'unlevel playing field'. My oldest was "gifted" in Math and instead of segregating her with other children with the same gift, (like we wanted, so she could advance) they left her in the class room, bored to death, and the teacher had my daughter teach the kids that didn't quite get it.
How nice. 
My child was made to help others get up to speed, while her gift was not recognized.
There was plenty of money for the special needs department. And plenty of money for the English as a Second Language department.....but not only was there no money for 'gifted and talented' it was abolished. Why?
Mediocrity Rules. 
They didn't want to 'hurt anyone's feelings' by taking the children with the ability to grasp deep concepts, and putting them in more challenging classes. That might make someone like me (average / below average math skills) *feel* bad. :grump: So no, it's not 'fair'. But what is? 

At the end of the day, I realized that no one will love my children nor educate my children the way I would.
So instead of fighting a losing battle at the school, I chose to home educate.

By God's Amazing Grace, I have spent the last 7 years home schooling (6th-graduation / 5th- 12th / 3rd-10th ) and can I just tell you that it has been an amazing experience. Our relationship with each other is 2nd to none. Our relationship with the Lord is on it's way (it's always a journey). The children's ability to interact with people of all ages, and backround's is like none other. 

Government schools cannot 'care for or love' the children. 
It is a system. They get them in get them out. That is it.
We, individual parents, cannot expect that the world will revolve around our little Jane or Johnny. It might at home, but in the public school, is sure does not. I don't care what their special need / gift is. Teachers have only so much time to cram so much information in. When ANY child is disrupting, it ruins everything for everyone. 

Now if the teacher would have said "shut the f or h up" THEN those would be fighting words!! 
__________________


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

I work in a Time Out Room at a high school. At least 5 times a day teachers send students to me ( including special ed students ) for class disruption. Often it is due to talking when asked not to. At our school the typical way this is handled is the student first gets a warning, then their seat is moved , if it continues they are sent to me.
It is very difficult to get students on task and each interruption is very distracting to the other students.
While I agree that the term shut up is harsh I can guarantee that the teachers I work with would not start a reprimand with that phrase.


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## fantasymaker (Aug 28, 2005)

Joshie said:


> How is my special needs child getting more than your child?
> 
> My child is latex allergic... her _more_ at her last school was no ability to play on the playground from Early Intervention (age 3) until second grade. They refused to remove the tire chips from the playground.
> *So you wanted them to do MORE?*
> ...


 WHY? Simple when you take a dime and give it to just one kid you are STEALING from the others who cant benefit from that dime.


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## mrswright (Jan 10, 2009)

wally said:


> It does not matter how thick the cheese is cut, but their is always 2 sides


Actually, three sides, yours, mine and the truth.


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## 65284 (Sep 17, 2003)

Joshie said:


> One of the main reasons our Founding Fathers set up our system of government was to prevent laws from favoring only the majority. We would have no protection for the minority otherwise. That type of system would not support our differences and our freedom would diminish. The thing is.... the majority of children fit into the school system well.
> 
> Neither was the system set up to establish tyranny of the minority, and with the aid of well intentioned but misguided laws that is on the way to happening. Yes, the majority of children do fit into the system well, but those that don't should be handled differently.
> 
> ...


This is from a the dad of a special needs child who chose, out of consideration for school staff and the needs of the other children in the class, to send him to a school for the developmentally disabled.

Here he was educated to the extent of his capabilities which in my opinion is appropriate. He did better, I'm sure, than if we had demanded, as was our right, that he attend the local public school. 

He was in a smaller class among his peers, didn't feel "different" and got more attention and instruction than would have been possible in a public school class.


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## AngieM2 (May 10, 2002)

65284 said:


> This is from a the dad of a special needs child who chose, out of consideration for school staff and the needs of the other children in the class, to send him to a school for the developmentally disabled.
> 
> Here he was educated to the extent of his capabilities which in my opinion is appropriate. He did better, I'm sure, than if we had demanded, as was our right, that he attend the local public school.
> 
> He was in a smaller class among his peers, didn't feel "different" and got more attention and instruction than would have been possible in a public school class.


This makes sense to me, more than injecting a limited capacity special needs child into a mainstream classroom.


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## Jolly (Jan 8, 2004)

Several big isues in this one...

1. Inclusion. How much is appropriate and when does it start to impinge upon the learning needs of the majority?

2. School budgets. What should we pay for, and what should we not?

3. The _Law of Unintended Consequences_. When I first started work in the hospital, this discussion would not have happened...babies born this premature did not survive. Today, this is not unusual, although most very early preemies suffer with many life-long conditions.

Are we, in our effort to do Good, actually harming ourselves as a species?



Lots of things to make you go hmmmm.....


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## Farmerwilly2 (Oct 14, 2006)

Tonya said:


> Nah, a Leftie would demand sensitivity training and all of that PC stuff. After I get the facts, I would realize that they already have all of that training and since it didn't work, I'd play harder. If I can't stand up for my kid, who can?
> 
> 
> And how did you get that I'm a left leaner from this? Why does politics have to enter the equasion?


With the only words coming out of your mouth being 'shut up' where exactly did the facts come from? That sounds like a new tune being sung after realizing you didn't know the lyrics to the first. As to politics I don't recall bringing them into the discussion. Leaning to the left implies an attitude, or rather an outlook. Plenty of left leaning individuals that couldn't tell a voting booth from a port-a-let. More likely to 'feel' a situation than to learn the facts and make an informed decision. Hence, a knee jerk reaction based on emotion rather than good judgement.


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## Farmerwilly2 (Oct 14, 2006)

ErinP said:


> In a thread full of questionable comments, this one has to make the _least_ sense...


See above. If it is still too complicated I'll try to break it down even smaller.


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## ErinP (Aug 23, 2007)

You seem to be doing your best to make a non-political issue into one. 
_Why_, I haven't a clue...

That's about as silly as saying those who've said a special needs child doesn't deserve any differential treatment must be right leaning because they're so utterly heartless. 

It does nothing to further the conversation, it seeks to marginalize someone's opinion by slapping a stereotype on it, and it's not even _logical_!


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## ErinP (Aug 23, 2007)

AngieM2 said:


> This makes sense to me, more than injecting a limited capacity special needs child into a mainstream classroom.


I disagree. 
Growing up, my school was doing "inclusion" long before it was a _national_ policy. Rural Nebraska, we're talking...
And no, the kids didn't spend the full day in the regular classroom anymore than they do today.

My brother's class, for example, had a boy named Jeremy. Jeremy had severe CP, was bound to a wheelchair, and had very limited speech. 
Not only was it good for him to be in a class with other kids his own age who didn't have any special requirements, but it was good for his class to have Jeremy with them for part of the day. 
Rather than being a freak, a weirdo, a retard, etc, etc, he was just _Jeremy_. 
He would occasionally have outbursts. He would drop things. He would drool. He wagged his head from side to side...
NO ONE CARED. 
Just like every other kid in the class, that's just the way he was. And the kids, knowing what Jeremy could and couldn't do, tended to be very protective of him. 

My class had Marla. Marla has Down's. I still know Marla, btw. She works at Pizza Hut wiping tables in my home town... She always hugs me when she sees me. I'm genuinely a better person for being so honored as to know Marla. 


I actually _wish_ my kids' school had kids with more severe handicaps. People tend to get all weird when they meet someone with some sort of disability. I think it's lack of exposure, pure and simple...


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## SunsetSonata (Nov 23, 2006)

Joshie said:


> My child is latex allergic... her _more_ at her last school was no ability to play on the playground from Early Intervention (age 3) until second grade. They refused to remove the tire chips from the playground.




I can't imagine they could guarantee a complete removal of all those tire chips. There are bound to be a few hidden in the grass. I wonder if they are prohibiting her from the playground for 2 reasons - for her own safely, and to prevent legal liability, which as you know in this society is a huge concern.

As others have said, the complete story needs to be discovered before deciding to do anything. From what you've shared, we have no way of knowing if your child deliberately ignored her teacher, or if "shut up" is even what she said. Also, if this teacher says "shut up" when exasperated by ANY student who willfully disregards her - whether or not anyone finds this appropriate - then your child is being treated as an equal in her class, if your kid wasn't minding her manners. Something to keep in mind.

We will all be interested to hear what you discover! Lord knows there's some teachers who should have never joined the profession.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Hmmmmm, longhorngal started this thread on Sunday, and here we sit on Friday - with no update or what action was taken.

I hear things like this all the time. 

Sometimes the parents find out (after making a scene) that their "Johnny wouldn't do that." DID INDEED DO IT!

Sometimes the parents find out that the teacher is indeed mean and really shouldn't be teaching.

Sometimes the parents find out that what Johnny said actually happened, wasn't REALLY what happened - or things have been added or deleted to the story.

So, I wonder which scenario this fell under?


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## jen74145 (Oct 31, 2006)

ErinP said:


> I disagree.
> Growing up, my school was doing "inclusion" long before it was a _national_ policy. Rural Nebraska, we're talking...
> And no, the kids didn't spend the full day in the regular classroom anymore than they do today.
> 
> ...


YES!

I really can't believe some of the intolerance in this thread. We had a child with CP in my classes as a small child, he was just Josh. Eric and Brett had DS, and were just Eric and Brett. Can't help but wonder if some folks I see posting here would have benefitted from having SN kids in their classes, they're just people (who happen to missing a chromosome or whatever).


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

I went to school in the early 70's - mid 80's. In this area at that time, special needs kids and slow kids were kept seperate and had their own class. As I look back at those years, many of those kids (when they were out of their class for lunch or whatever) were made fun of and put down by the majority of students.

Currently in my son's class there are special needs kids. They do have "their own class" for certain things, but they are also integrated into the general classes as well. I am amazed that the "general" class students actually watches out for and protects the special needs and slow students! 

And if one of the special needs kids makes a noise, it usually isn't even "heard" by the class.

I feel bad for the kids in my era. We missed out on making some new friends and classmates.


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