# Do you think sex alleivates a problem?



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Say a man and woman have some problem that they cant agree on. Do you think that sex would cause them to back up, rethink the problem, and find a solution?

Would it make the problem worse?

OR does the woman think shes got the guy by the nose hairs, and she aint letting go untill he agrees to her every whim lol


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:donut:

A woman who denies "love and affection and sex and joy" from her man is also denying herself. 

It makes no sense.

I say sex alleviates a lot of problems ... Including pressure and stress.

:donut:


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## wildhorse (Oct 22, 2006)

A good go round works wonders...if done correctly.


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## billooo2 (Nov 23, 2004)

I think that it can be a great "stress-reliever," but it does not resolve any problems...... and if one partner tries to use it as a substitute for rsolving problems, it can eventually just cause bigger problems 'down the road.'


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## wildhorse (Oct 22, 2006)

Intent does fall into play. If the intent is honest and not being used as a power play.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

It is a great way to blow off stress and help a head ache. A lot of times when I start to get snarky that is always what helps.


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

Yes. Especially when it is the best sex of your life. I think that is one reason I kept him around for so long.


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## homefire2007 (Sep 21, 2007)

FarmboyBill said:


> Say a man and woman have some problem that they cant agree on. Do you think that sex would cause them to back up, rethink the problem, and find a solution?
> 
> Would it make the problem worse?
> 
> ...


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

Or maybe it is because he is so much younger. I have never dated someone this young before. Maybe younger guys have a different outlook on sex.


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

Raven12 said:


> Or maybe it is because he is so much younger. I have never dated someone this young before. Maybe younger guys have a different outlook on sex.


Younger guys have problems thinking of anything else! Lol

I am 46. I would really rather have my brain stimulated, which is a turn on in it'self. However good sex is something.

Sex doesnt fix anything, but it can hrlp you ignore problems.


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

mickm said:


> Younger guys have problems thinking of anything else! Lol
> 
> I am 46. *I would really rather have my brain stimulated, which is a turn on in it'self. However good sex is something.
> *
> Sex doesnt fix anything, but it can hrlp you ignore problems.



You can have both you know. It does exist. Have you ever dated a younger mature man? The last guy was my age and all about the party. Maturity and age are not relative.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

I don't think sex helps problems. If there are problems that need to be addressed and fixed then that is what needs to happen and then, have make up sex As for the withholding sex thing..I think it's a separate issue from the sex helping problems issue. I know for myself, if there is a problem and tension and fussin' and fightin', the last thing on my mind is sex. I wouldn't consider that withholding.


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

Raven12 said:


> You can have both you know. It does exist. Have you ever dated a younger mature man? The last guy was my age and all about the party. Maturity and age are not relative.


Well i am a guy. I havent resorted to dating younger guys, but i will take your word for it!ound:


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

...

That's what I thought lolol you're a guy 

...


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## wildhorse (Oct 22, 2006)

Can't say much for younger men there all about teach me..if I have to teach they have no business playing with me.


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

I apologize. There are so few men on this board that I assume everyone is female.


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

wildhorse said:


> Can't say much for younger men there all about teach me..if I have to teach they have no business playing with me.


Role playing could be kind of kinky


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

wildhorse said:


> Can't say much for younger men there all about teach me..if I have to teach they have no business playing with me.


True, most younger men don't know what they're doing. But they sure can do it all night long.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

mickm said:


> Younger guys have problems thinking of anything else! Lol
> 
> I am 46. I would really rather have my brain stimulated, which is a turn on in it'self. However good sex is something.
> 
> Sex doesnt fix anything, but it can hrlp you ignore problems.


Having my brain stimulated is very much a turn on to me. For what ever reasons I can't type out conversations that are in depth but in real life that is very much what I enjoy.


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## Shygal (May 26, 2003)

wildhorse said:


> Can't say much for younger men there all about teach me..if I have to teach they have no business playing with me.



Um.....thats your opportunity to teach him to do exactly what you want, the way you want it


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## homefire2007 (Sep 21, 2007)

Shygal said:


> Um.....thats your opportunity to teach him to do exactly what you want, the way you want it


And sometimes practice makes perfect...even if you have to do it over and over again.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Sex does not cure a problem. Sex makes people WANT to cure a problem, LOL!


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

Raven12 said:


> I apologize. There are so few men on this board that I assume everyone is female.


No reason to apologise, just thought i should make it clear. I am not a pretty man, hut i would be a really ugly woman!

When i was a younger man, i probably felt different! Now all i have going for me is exsperience. In life, and in other ways! I may have gained some perspective, as well.

Sorry for the grammar and spelling! I will bl as me it on my phone!


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## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

I don't have an answer to that question. However ther is one fact of life that does seem to support the idea.

I have never seen two adults that live together to get along after a few weeks, unless they are having sex with each other.

So, I guess if we can overlook their quirky differences, when sex is involved, but those differences grate on you when there is no sex, I'd have to conclude that sex makes those differences not worth going to war over.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

FarmboyBill said:


> Say a man and woman have some problem that they cant agree on. Do you think that sex would cause them to back up, rethink the problem, and find a solution?
> 
> Would it make the problem worse?
> 
> OR does the woman think shes got the guy by the nose hairs, and she aint letting go untill he agrees to her every whim lol


Guy, you spend far too much time thinking about sex. My advice is to find some! :drum:


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Ardie/WI said:


> Guy, you spend far too much time thinking about sex. My advice is to find some! :drum:


 and try to have a real relationship with it.


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## Centralilrookie (Jul 12, 2012)

Ladies,ladies,ladies you all make me blush!!


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## InvalidID (Feb 18, 2011)

It really depends on the problem.


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

Ardie/WI said:


> Guy, you spend far too much time thinking about sex. My advice is to find some! :drum:


Sometimes easier said than done...


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

Laura said:


> and try to have a real relationship with it.


'Specially this way!!


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

Aleve is on sale at WalMart !!!!


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

L.A. said:


> Aleve is on sale at WalMart !!!!


 It takes care of the headaches if not the problem.


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## Evons hubby (Oct 3, 2005)

Laura said:


> It takes care of the headaches if not the problem.


But its not nearly as much fun.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Yvonne's hubby said:


> But its not nearly as much fun.


Exactly, it does something that no amount of medicine can take care of.


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

Maybe,,I read it wrong,,,:ashamed:


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## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

Sex makes me sleepy. So it could solve the problem of an insomniac.


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

Jaclynne said:


> Sex makes me sleepy. So it could solve the problem of an insomniac.


I thought only guys got sleepy after...


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## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

arcticow said:


> I thought only guys got sleepy after...


Nope, the perfect 'sleeping medicine'. And much bettet for your health.

Jackie


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## summerdaze (Jun 11, 2009)

InvalidID said:


> It really depends on the problem.


 
I totally agree! For instance, if my sink clogs up, I try to have sex with the plummer. There. All better now. ound:


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

Bet ya get quick um, service!


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

It's times like these when I feel really ignorant or like I'm missing something. I really don't understand this.



FarmboyBill said:


> Say a man and woman have some problem that they cant agree on. Do you think that sex would cause them to back up, rethink the problem, and find a solution?
> Would it make the problem worse?
> OR does the woman think shes got the guy by the nose hairs, and she aint letting go untill he agrees to her every whim lol





InvalidID said:


> It really depends on the problem.


What kinds of problems are there? I mean...wouldn't true disagreements be over something very serious like cheating or gambling money away or something? Not sure how sex would fix those. Many people use sex as a distraction, so you don't have time to get to know their real person, then when the sex dies down or gets to be routine you realize that you really aren't team material. This is why, a lot of times, relationships based on sex don't really turn out well....or at least should not be expected to be much more than they are.

I have been thinking about this question and trying to apply it to my current and past relationships. There were only a few relationships I've had where there were serious problems. Sex really was never going to solve my ex husbands schitzoid personality, nor was it going to solve my one fiance's cheating, nor would it solve my second fiance's death...that was a big problem for me, him too I suspect. It also did not solve my last live in's alcohol issue. 

So I have been wondering about this:
Is it that really I/we don't or haven't had a lot of problems in relationships, or is it because I don't see daily stuff or disagreements as problems? I mean other than serious stuff...what real problems are there? Whether they are "solved" by sex or not...well I dunno. I figure sex is something different all together...maybe because I've always had good sex these quabbles about toothbrushes and toiletseats aren't an issue or maybe those squabbles aren't an issue because I don't think they are worth squabbling over.

lol makes you wonder...although I know several very disgruntled women who complain about everything but yet seem to have their fill of sex...so maybe sex doesn't have anything to do with the toilet seat or loud breathing and chewing issues...maybe they are just c**** 

I feel an egg or chicken debate coming on hahaha I should probably make sure I have extra batteries.


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## foxfiredidit (Apr 15, 2003)

I was wondering if there was anyone else around who also did not understand the OP. I didn't and I could force myself to be curious enough to contemplate it.


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

WhyNot said:


> It's times like these when I feel really ignorant or like I'm missing something. I really don't understand this.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


No eggs here. I do agree with you. Sex helps work out the little problems. Like when you get lost and he refuses to stop for directions and then he gives you this look. And you are like...let's get lost!


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

LOL Raven12...I am not sure that is a "problem" to be solved...sounds like a nice drive to me. :ashamed:


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

Lol. That is the most serious fight we have had. Maybe that is why we don't fight.


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## unregistered168043 (Sep 9, 2011)

Sex can help by reminding you two that you love each other and are intimate...then the problem will be seen as minor in the bigger perspective.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Raven12 said:


> Lol. That is the most serious fight we have had. Maybe that is why we don't fight.


 The biggest disagreement me and my friend have had is me looking *extremely* cross and saying, "Okay...will you agree that we are never going to discuss government politics?" His answer, "Yes, good idea." 

The first day I was here, my housemate said some really rather nasty things about her boyfriend, who also lives here. Basically she was complaining about all these little things that irritated her. She's been seeing him for about 6 months and he moved in about 3 months ago.
I'm not a counselor so I just listen and try to learn from people that way. I was thinking about my own irritations and such...and about her situation and then the relationships/situations I've been in and realized something.
I think that if, after a while, the little things that make you irritated in general...like pet peeves...if the irritation gets worse, and big enough for you to have serious complaining issues then the relationship needs to be done with.

This is why....someone I have a rather awesome relationship with does do several of my little pet peeves. In first getting to know him these things bothered me..grated on my nerves...however, I like him so much I was willing to set that aside and continue the relationship. I am finding now, after quite a while, I am not as bothered or not bothered at all when he does those little aggravations of mine. Now...there are some I still find displeasing but then he also does them just to see the scowl on my face so he can giggle...because he's a teaser. I am still put off, however, if other people do them. LOL

Yesterday I realized this means something. And that the housemates comments of, "The longer he is here the more on my nerves he gets"...to me anyway is a big sign to move on.

This is why, also I think, I tend to agree with TNhermit when he says that two people living and working together say in the woods or on a homestead will or can eventually turn into something awesome. Not so much because there's no other option...but because you truly get to know the entire person...and in so doing...a lot of those things that would make us run for the hills (that aren't like save my life run away things) out of mere inconvenience or minor irritation would dissolve or minimize enough to be accepted.

Some of the funniest, to me, comments from people on singles sites are the ones that say something like this, "Maybe you wouldn't be here if you weren't so uppity in your profile. You're pretty though." What the heck? LMAO. Without typing or talking to me...they come up with this. I have no demands in my profile other than..."If you want just a roll in the hay, select another filly please." So what makes a person even type that? If they want to judge me on five sentences and mark me off their list of people they want to get to know...what in the world makes them say that? LOL 

To me that also reflects the way a lot of people are...really fast to discount anyone or anything without trying it out first. You can't make a million dollars by just thinking about it while laying on your couch...you need to get up and do something. And if you fail...you do it again. In the same vein you can't just decide it won't work out with someone before you even talk to them. People seem to discount everyone..."He'd be perfect if he didn't breathe so danged loud."...well get him some sinus meds LOL. Geez.


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

Sex seems to alleviate the hornies.....a little bit.....for a moment anyway


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Darntootin said:


> Sex can help by reminding you two that you love each other and are intimate...then the problem will be seen as minor in the bigger perspective.


That is very true. 

Long ago when I was married I could be angry with my husband, but every morning before he left for work I would always ask for a hug and a kiss. It didn't matter how angry I was but I always told him I might not like you right now but I will always love you. By the time we got done hugging and kissing that argument didn't seem so important. The power of touch is a big one in my opinion.


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

FBB-- no and no.

A roll in the sack can re enforce your commitment to each other. It might set you both on more calm waters. If the problem is serious, you will still have to figure it out together.
No- women do not consider using sex as a weapon 'got him by the nose hairs'. (at least not the ones I know.) As a matter of fact, if you are angry at someone (speaking for myself) then I surely dont want to be intimate with him.
If you are a mature human being, and you are committed (to them!) then you would know it is worth your while to sit down and figure out the problem.

I am sorry you have such a skewed picture of women.
But, as it has been said before, you pretty much get what you think you will get.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

And, the ideas of what you think you will get, is put there by other people giveing you those ideas.


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## chamoisee (May 15, 2005)

Uh...I think it's best not to mix conflict and sex.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Problems that come to mind

#1 What do you mean you forgot to pay the insurance and now you got a ticket without insurance in an acciden#2 How come yolu say your at work, But I just called there awhile ago,, and they said you had left an hour ago
#3 How come, when you pay the bills, theres nothing left for me.
#4 Howcome we got a cut off notice in the male?
#5 How come the guage is nearly empty whjen I get in to drive the car?
#6 How come I go to work every day, and you can get off your butt long enough to keep the gardfen weeded/picked/canned/ect
#7 How come I tell the kid one thing, then you turn right around and tell it another
#8 How come you gripe cause I dont make enough ,mopney, THEN you gripe cause im working too much overtime to suit you
#9 How come you always wanna watch football/ go hunting opn your dys off and nevcer want tro do anything with me
#10 What do you mean, me and my mom are just alike?

Those are just 10 that come to mind.


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## chamoisee (May 15, 2005)

If I had those complaints, my sex drive would be nil......just saying. I do need to feel positively about my partner in order to desire him/her.


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

Fbb, those sound like YOUR problems.....


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

They ARE problems I remember being married over 20yrs


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## Evons hubby (Oct 3, 2005)

FarmboyBill said:


> Problems that come to mind
> 
> Those are just 10 that come to mind.


I just took out the ones based on one partys desire to control the other. Much smaller list now aint it?


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## CountryWannabe (May 31, 2004)

FBB - Those are communication problems that are not going to be solved by anything other than <gasp> communication. 

Mary


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## Monica33 (Jul 11, 2012)

_Say a man and woman have some problem that they cant agree on. Do you think that sex would cause them to back up, rethink the problem, and find a solution?_
Unless the problem is sex related or 'serious' (adultry, addictions, abuse, etc) intimate relations 'should' only serve to remind a committed couple that they are on the same team and therefore the same side.

_Would it make the problem worse?_ 
Shouldn't... see above and below lol. 

_OR does the woman think shes got the guy by the nose hairs, and she aint letting go untill he agrees to her every whim_
I have to admit I have met a few women like that but I am proud to say none of them are my friends! And hopefully none of you guys ever find one. They are not keepers.

_I thought only guys got sleepy after..._
Women get sleepy after good sex. This partner is willing for more of the same. Happy wife ... happy life! 
Not so good sex. Who is ready to sleep? Women get sexually frustrated too. This is allowed considering the good sex in between times. Partner is still happy!
Constantly not good... this is frowned upon greatly. This woman also has needs. This woman is not happy. She is unfulfilled, feeling used and sexually frustrated. Sex with this woman will not make ANY problem better or her more in the mood to compromise.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

And it' more than just sex. It's all the affection and intimacy that SHOULD be going along along with it to make sure it's good sex.


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

All of those problems listed sound like you both needed MORE intimacy with each other, and LESS being at odds. MORE unity/teamwork, less standing alone, duke it out attitude....
Yes, I knew someone like that; he was somewhat of a 'maverick' kind of guy at work; it was bragged about, something to be proud of....but when he came home, he didn't know how to be anything other than THAT..... 
Maybe it was two people's fault, and not one person's fault, alone...


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

NO, sex does not alleviate problems.

Sex is a gift, that a husband and wife give to each other as an act of their love and devotion.
It is not a tool, it is not a bargaining chip, it is not for sale, it is not a means to get what you want.
It is a gift, that a husband and wife give and receive to each other, only.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> NO, sex does not alleviate problems.
> 
> Sex is a gift, that a husband and wife give to each other as an act of their love and devotion.
> It is not a tool, it is not a bargaining chip, it is not for sale, it is not a means to get what you want.
> It is a gift, that a husband and wife give and receive to each other, only.


I agree. Bill's OP is not without importance though. The examples he used are familiar to most everyone, and not just through books, TV ,movies; through real life. 

I like the "gift" concept though. Especially thinking about the unwrapping part. Slow.... attentive... wandering... unnwrapping...


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

I don't believe either person in a couple should withhold from the other, using sex or affection as a bargaining chip. When they do, they make themselves nothing more than a prostitute.

Perhaps this is how Bill developed his attitude toward women?

I also believe in not letting the sun go down on your anger. That's easy for me, not so easy for some, and a terrible situation for the recipient of prolonged anger where all good things are withheld.


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## Judy in IN (Nov 28, 2003)

I think that women are a lot like horses. You can kick a dog and it will still come to you hoping for affection, but mistreat a horse ( or woman ) and it's going to be hard to get close enough to use that whip again.


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

Judy in IN said:


> I think that women are a lot like horses. You can kick a dog and it will still come to you hoping for affection, but mistreat a horse ( or woman ) and it's going to be hard to get close enough to use that whip again.


That works the same way for men, not just women... :bash:


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## SilverFlame819 (Aug 24, 2010)

Most of the men I know feel extremely hurt and angry after being mistreated, but just keep going back for more... (where's the "slap some sense into 'em" emoticon??)


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I think theres 2 different ways to look at this
#1 Hes cut off until he agrees with me on how to handle this problem

#2 Im too mad to enjoy sex with YOU now. Ill feel better about it later.

They both end up the same way, BUT 
#1 Is controlling and depriving it to get her way
#2 Is just an emotion caused about the problem to begin with

Getting past #1, and over #2, and agreeing that they both need each other, and that theres nobody going to take eithers place in solving the problem, They just need to recharge, their batteries, as it were, and reaffirm there devotion to each other, despite the problems.


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

FarmboyBill said:


> I think theres 2 different ways to look at this
> #1 Hes cut off until he agrees with me on how to handle this problem
> 
> #2 Im too mad to enjoy sex with YOU now. Ill feel better about it later.
> ...


Having you been hanging out with Zong recently? Your recent clarity is pretty shockingly impressive. There is no need for games in a good relationship. Honesty and verbal affection go a long way. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't hear sweet words that come from a place of genuine respect. That is a special man.


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## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

FarmboyBill said:


> I think theres 2 different ways to look at this
> #1 Hes cut off until he agrees with me on how to handle this problem
> 
> #2 Im too mad to enjoy sex with YOU now. Ill feel better about it later.
> ...


Someone has kidnapped FBB. Be on the lookout for a thoughtful introspective male, that has stolen FBB's HT password.......:hysterical:


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Bill, you keep talking like this and you will have the wimmins knocking down your door steps.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

opps That changed that. Back to T L A talk


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## Mooselover (May 4, 2009)

arcticow said:


> I thought only guys got sleepy after...


you be joking....right? :hysterical:


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

Nope, thought that was a common complaint against us, that we just roll over and go to sleep...


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Same here ac. I cant remember all, But the last X would want to sit up and talk after wards, and I wanted to go to sleep. Sex cleared her mind to talk about things more clearly appairantly than before it, and it befuddled my mind more than before I had it.

IF you ever ran in track, for instance, and put your heart into a race, and then, at then end, when you thought your heart was going to climb out of your body, and you stopped quickly to regain your breath, and felt extremly dizzy and tired. That might come close to what I felt after the good stuff.


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## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

FarmboyBill said:


> Same here ac. I cant remember all, But the last X would want to sit up and talk after wards, and I wanted to go to sleep. Sex cleared her mind to talk about things more clearly appairantly than before it, and it befuddled my mind more than before I had it.
> 
> IF you ever ran in track, for instance, and put your heart into a race, and then, at then end, when you thought your heart was going to climb out of your body, and you stopped quickly to regain your breath, and felt extremly dizzy and tired. That might come close to what I felt after the good stuff.


Call off the hounds. FBB has been found. after post 68, I was sure someone else was filling in for him. But this post proves he's back. This post has FBB all over it. 
After a pleasing emotional event, she wants to know if you think you are in a wonderful evolving relationship, while you want to get your heart to stop pounding so you can go to sleep. Perhaps the only feeling you are wondering about is if you should go to the bathroom now or wait until 3am?


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