# horrible 5 days...



## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

Long story short...I've had a horrible 5 days. On top of that I'm trying to build a small homestead on 5 acres..But the hubby doesn't agree. He just wants more ammo....which I don't disagree with. I want to take my family and walk away. .....walk away from the mortgages....the furniture bill.....the car payment.....I just wanna leave the state. I wanna small homestead. I wanna watch plants grow....I want to watch baby chickensand goats grow. I wanna pack up and leave right now! My mom llives with me and I want to leave her too!!!!! Me and the hubby was busting our ass yesterday in the hot sun....sweating.....our daughter kept bring us drinks. ....my mom (56 with no major health problems) comes waltzing outside . Saying...I just came out here to watch ya'll work. Mind you she lives with me and hubby rent free....she is supposed to be helping clean our house for staying here. Buy groceries. ..nope.....pay household bills....nope.... I just want to run away. I want to live my dreams. I feel like I am getting sucked lower and lower and that. I will never live my dreams.....only someone else's......I feel like it's just not worth the fight anymore. Example.....my mom actually cooked dinner tonight (never happens.) I get home from work after being gone for 12 1/2 hours. While I aM changing.....I Hear Her Making A plate of dinner for her.....Then i hear....oh i must not have made enough. So guess what. ...no dinner for me....yup everyone else ate. I leave the house at 6:30 a.m. and tonight I didn't get home till 7:30 p.m. then I had to check on my small plants....Then i had to work on putting the pool back together. Hubby comes and helps me.....so now I am in bed.....no more crying for me tonight. I spent money on fast food for everyone last night...mll..no offer to pay me any money........never........I pay for the food. And yes I know it's my mom.....But as soon as I was 16 I had to start paying them rent. She has mentioned that she doesn't want to get her own place because she ddon't have to pay anything here.....how u going to tell me that??? I wanna run away...to a homestead....to see life growing ....I wanna give up.whst I doing now


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## TnAndy (Sep 15, 2005)

Sounds like a lot of problem is your mother. Wait until she is out of the house one day, put all her stuff on the porch and change the locks. Tell her to go live someplace else. People can only crap on you if you allow it.


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## dizzy (Jun 25, 2013)

You need to set some boundaries. She's not going to do anything any different unless you make it so she can't continue what she's doing. Right now, she has it made and you have all the problems.

I can so relate. Last year, I was working a summer job. I have horses and do self care for them and my chickens. I would leave the house at 7:00 so I could care for the horses B4 I went to work. Then I worked until 4:00, then went back to the farm to care for the horses and the chickens. Then I'd go home. There were days I wasn't getting home until 8:00, and it wasn't unusual for me to come home to a ton of dirty dishes-and no dinner.


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

Yep sit mother down and tell her you are done. Have a list of what she is expected to do daily and how much her rent is and when it is due. Now if she is watching your 6 kids for free I would keep my mouth shut and tell hubby what he needs to do before you get home from work. No really your mother needs to know its not a free ride any more. If she cant help out then she needs to move on.


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## Ozarks Tom (May 27, 2011)

We've always had the policy that everything on a homestead has to pay for itself. That's why we don't have horses. Chickens, rabbits, sheep, dogs, even the cat earn their keep. If something isn't contributing to the homestead, it's gone.


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## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

I was thinkingmy mother Iis the problem too. My only kid is 14. When she watched her when she was little I paid her for childcare...this was when my dad was still alive. She is only 56...and she washes dishes and does laundry for her 'rent' which ain't ----! I'm glad to know that I am not the only one that thinks it's her. I went to bed last night crying...I just can'ttake much more. I'm 36 and feel like I'm 60


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## MJsLady (Aug 16, 2006)

There may come a time when your mom needs a care taker... this is not it.
Tell her she has 30 days to find her own place.
Be nice but b e firm.


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## simi-steading (Sep 27, 2012)

"Hey mom, remember when I was a kid, it was your house, your rules? Well guess what.. times have changed... "

Then tell her if she don't like the new rules, she can find her own place.. Just like she probably told you years ago..


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## Calico Katie (Sep 12, 2003)

Wow, what a manipulator! My hunch is that she deliberately didn't cook enough food for you. Kick her out. If you can't do it, tell your husband to kick her out. If she still won't go, ask the police how you can evict her from your home. If they won't do it, sell your property, pack your stuff and go. She's sucking the life out of you and you owe her nothing. You've already paid her back for whatever meager care she gave you when you were growing up.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

I suspect that you know what you have to do.


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## Dixie Bee Acres (Jul 22, 2013)

Standing up to a parent can be trying. But, laying down for them to use you as a floormat can be more trying.


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## countrytime (Sep 23, 2012)

I feel for you--I don't understand this at all...my children have always been the most important thing .. and always will be--I would starve before they went without---I would definitely feed you before myself...


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## Harry Chickpea (Dec 19, 2008)

Time for you to go on strike. No cooking, no buying anything for anyone, no work around the house. Take yourself out to eat (don't be cheap about it either) and let the cow chips fall where they may. Tell mom if she continues the way she does, she better enjoy it now because the day she turns 65 you are putting her in the cheapest retirement home you can find and moving away. Tell hubby he better not be buying ammo, cause you might just use it.

The reality of some situations is that to achieve and go forward you have to destroy. You have to convince your mother and husband as well as yourself that you will not tolerate abuse.


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## mzgarden (Mar 16, 2012)

I suspect the input you've received above is what you already knew in your heart of hearts was the truth. You asked the question, you got input, encouragement and a fair number of ideas. The choice is now yours to take strong action to break the cycle or to remain in the status quo and accept it. If you allow the situation to continue as is, nothing will improve but many things will deteriorate. You are locked into a battle of wills and the winner will determine your future. My wish for you is that you will see yourself as valuable and take whatever steps you need to protect your health and long term well being.


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## mnn2501 (Apr 2, 2008)

Sounds like your mother is a big part of the problem, give her 30 day notice to move.
Why would anyone want to move when they get free rent and don;t have to do anything.

My older brother had to move in with us, I'm charging him $600 a month and he buys and cooks his own groceries and he must keep his room and bathroom clean.

Your husband and his ammo, you'll have to decide on.


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## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

I am very thankful for all the input. Btw... yes I thought about using the ammo on something yesterday. Thank god I'm not suicidal or it would have been on me. My mom is definitely a big problem. I just got to get over the fact that she needs to move on and I'm going to have to be mean about it. I'm the oldest of 3. My brother bought him a one bedroom home soshe can't go there. My sister married a guy who likes to look at kiddy porn....so she can't go there (long story with that one) I haven't talked to get since I found out about him. I think it's time to get her a application for housing based on her income. (She gets a widows pension) it's either that or I'm walking away from the mortgages and taking my hubby and daughter out of state and starting all over. My relationship with my hubby is suffering. ... heck is hard to have sex with her around...kwim? And then if we go away for the weekend it's a guilt trip..... and don't get me started if I I go to town without her on my day off. She has tried to kill herself before..had to be baker acted....so I guess I feel guilty for wanting her a little farther away than my house. .. But give me a freaking break


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## mnn2501 (Apr 2, 2008)

Shes manipulating you and as long as you take it she will continue.
Set a deadline that she moves out then stick to it. She may pretend to get sick or worse, however DO NOT give her one extra day or she'll be there forever.

Its called "Tough Love" for a reason.


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## brosil (Dec 15, 2003)

There's a company next door to us in the industrial park with an employee living in his pickup. He has a home but he let his broke ex-wife move in and his kids were always sponging off him so he sleeps in his truck. I have a feeling that when the spongers run out of food and electricity, they'll go sponge off someone else. It's an option.


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## Spinner (Jul 19, 2003)

Do you live on the 5 acres? If so, then start doing what you want. Get your chickens and goats. Get started. YOU are making the money to finance what you want, just do it. How many kids? What ages? Assign them chores. 

Tell your mother what you want her to do. Give her assignments and tell her if she wants to continue living with you then she will pull her weight or find her own place. Lay down the law. It&#8217;s YOUR home, stop letting her be &#8220;the lady of the house&#8221;. She&#8217;s a VISITOR, not your boss. Hand her a shopping list and tell her it&#8217;s her turn to bring in some supplies as per the agreement of her living in your home. Same with bills. Hand her one and tell her to pay it.

Pick a person who is capable of putting the pool together and tell them to do it. 

If you are not capable of handing out orders and enforcing them, then enroll in a self exertion course and learn to be the enforcer. There&#8217;s no reason you should feel used and abused in your own home! 

She will treat you like her doormat as long as you allow it. Stop allowing it.


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## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

Yes my husband and I are buying the 5 acres. I am normally a very blunt person. ..but this whole situation has got me emotionally beat down. Heck I just went through my second bout of chemo in May 2014. My first was in 2007. Things are definitely going to change around my house. It's time I lived my dreams instead of everyone elses.


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## Molly Mckee (Jul 8, 2006)

I can't imagine doing that to my kids, or anyone else for that matter.

If you tell your Mom to find some place else to live and she threatens to commit suicide, it is not your problem. She is using threats to control people. She could sleep on your brothers couch, or for that matter she isn't a child, she could move in with your sister. There are shelters for women, staying in one for a few days might inspire your mom to get a job so she could support herself. Unless there is a health reason for your mom not to be working and living on her own, let her find the places to move to. Just be firm, refuse to argue with her, put up a united front and tell her you can't support her anymore. Then if she thinks you are bluffing, give her a ride to a shelter. Making her stand on her own two feet could be the best thing that ever happened to her.


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## notwyse (Feb 16, 2014)

Take up being a vegetarian. Embrace rap music loud around the house. Get pet snakes.


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## Maura (Jun 6, 2004)

Go to counseling. You know what you need to do, you are very resentful. You need the support of someone who can help you more than we can. Don&#8217;t use excuses about not being able to afford it or not having the time. This is something you need to do for you so that you can get back to being the wife and mother you want to be. It is not easy to get someone like this out of your life and she is going to keep making your life miserable. She is to selfish to sit down and talk to like a reasonable person, and she will guilt you out every which way but loose.


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## notwyse (Feb 16, 2014)

Take up taxidermy. Keep dead animals you have collected in the freezer. Bring homeless persons home for dinner...then let them camp in the yard. Get a potbellied pig. Keep it in the house. Remove the kitchen table and place cushions on the floor to sit on. Move part of the furniture outside for fung she.


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

For GOODNESS SAKE tell everyone you are sick and let them do everything! You sit on your BUTT. If stuff doesnot get done then it was not important to them! When things become important to someone else and they want it bad enough they will do it. It will drive you a little crazy but get yourself a good book turn the AC on in your bedroom and lock the door and read.


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## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

Forcast said:


> For GOODNESS SAKE tell everyone you are sick and let them do everything! You sit on your BUTT. If stuff doesnot get done then it was not important to them! When things become important to someone else and they want it bad enough they will do it. It will drive you a little crazy but get yourself a good book turn the AC on in your bedroom and lock the door and read.


I absolutely love this idea!! I have never played the sick card...I had stage 3 cancer....sugery...radiation. ..chemo. right now all my lymph nodes are enlarged....my spleen is enlarged... looks like lymphoma or leukemia but the bone marrow biopsy said nope. I do have Sarcoidosis....lupus...and hemolytic anemia that Ii deal with on a daily basis. Plus iwork at my job 45 hours a week. As a matter of fact I just got home. I just checked on my baby plants (which I have never grown from seed before!!!!) And i am going to bed to read a book. I'll hug my hubby and daughter and say ftw!!!!!! 

On a different topic. I am thinking of taking my landscape timbers down...who needs them around the house...can I screw them together to make a raised bed for my baby plants (watermelons )??


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

Hun you need to file for social security disability! You can do it on line, get a letter from each doctor saying you cant work anymore. enough is enough


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## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

Forcast said:


> Hun you need to file for social security disability! You can do it on line, get a letter from each doctor saying you cant work anymore. enough is enough


I did file. I got approved. ..But because I went back to work because I couldn't afford to not get a paycheck any longer before they approved me....I got denied. ..But if I stop working again I can reapply and will be approve again....I just can't go back to work while I'm waiting for the approval....which sucks...how can I get approved but deny because I went back to work....---...just can't win


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## mzgarden (Mar 16, 2012)

you said, "Things are definitely going to change around my house. It's time I lived my dreams instead of everyone elses."
I say, :goodjob: :clap: Keep us posted.


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## sidepasser (May 10, 2002)

Why is your mom living with you? I think you need to cowgirl up and move your mom out. You can even rent her an apartment for a month, after that rent is her responsibility.


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## 355946 (Mar 23, 2013)

If you go back to work social security phases out (slowly reduces) your disability payment as you show you can keep the job. They only pay when you are too disabled to work. It is not a benefit you get on top of working. Maybe you meant something else though?


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## dizzy (Jun 25, 2013)

I'm not much younger than your mother and currently do not work outside of the home. (But I do plenty of work inside the home!) I get dizzy spells from my Meniere's, plus I have nerve damage to my right leg from a car accident. From the knee down, that leg feels like it's asleep all the time. I can't sit for too long, and I can't stand for too long. 

That being said, if something happened to hubby, there is NO WAY I would go and live w/one of my children-unless I could be a real help to either of them. Instead, I'd find a job and support myself. If I can do that w/my problems, your mother should be able to w/no major health issues.


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## beaglebiz (Aug 5, 2008)

I am so sorry your mother is using you this way. 56 is WAY young to not work. Heck, Im 45 and am in my prime . Dont feel guilty evicting her. 

Even if she was a housewife before your dad died, she can still work in a shoe store, a daycare, as a housecleaner....even fast food. Please move her out. Between your sanity, your health, the health of your marriage and for your daughters well being..just get her out of there. They may not complain, but its not fair to them either. Have hubby back you up. Give her 30 or 60 days notice and start bringing home boxes when you go to the store.

Maybe she could stay on brothers couch until she finds an efficiency apartment or a room to rent somewhere.

If she does not have the money, she can get a job like the rest of us. For goodness sakes, 56 is YOUNG. My mom is 70...and work keeps her young. Every one comments on how great my mom looks...she also rides her tricycle 5 miles a day on a double knee replacement.


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## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

HomeAgain said:


> If you go back to work social security phases out (slowly reduces) your disability payment as you show you can keep the job. They only pay when you are too disabled to work. It is not a benefit you get on top of working. Maybe you meant something else though?


I keep getting put out of work from my doctors. Then last time i applied for ssi disability. I couldn't be out of work any longer due to a lack of a paycheck. So i told the doctors i was going back to work. A week after i went back to work, ssi called to discuss my claim. At the end of the conversation it was stated to me that I qualify for ssi disability but because I went back to work I was being denied. But if I go out of work again to reapply. I just have to not go back to work to get disability. ..But I can not wait that long for no paycheck. I got bills to pay that can't wait. I wouldn't go back to work if I had a disability check. It is so hard to go to work as is.


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## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

sidepasser said:


> Why is your mom living with you? I think you need to cowgirl up and move your mom out. You can even rent her an apartment for a month, after that rent is her responsibility.


After my dad died in 2007 she moved in with me. Then she got her own place in a low income housing. She stayed there for a couple of years. Then she tried to kill herself because she was so lonely. Fast forward.....she lives with me now. She is going blind...she can see shapes but she can't drive.


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## Dixie Bee Acres (Jul 22, 2013)

Well, in my oppinion, you are making a defence that she can't live alone.
Ok, if that is the case, fine, but you need to pull on your big girl panties and set some ground rules.
Make her hear you out, make sure she is able to understand how you see things.
Then hear her out as she goes on the defensive.
Then come to a mutual understanding of how things WILL BE, STARTING NOW. 
If mom is unable to do this, maybe an assisted living center is where mom should be. Make sure she knows that is a possibility.


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## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

Dixie Bee Acres said:


> Well, in my oppinion, you are making a defence that she can't live alone.
> Ok, if that is the case, fine, but you need to pull on your big girl panties and set some ground rules.
> Make her hear you out, make sure she is able to understand how you see things.
> Then hear her out as she goes on the defensive.
> ...


I'm sorry if it sounded like a defense. It's not. I was just stating the reason why she lived with me. She is going somewhere else! Even if it a camper in my front acre! For the sake of my sanity things got to change. 

I did make her apply for food stamps last night. Also she has to pay the Internet bill or I'm shutting it off. I don't use it...I use my cell phone. I am going by the low income housing and picking her up an application today. My brother is picking up an application for low income housing in his county. My cousin wants her to stay up North with her for a while. So while the applications are being processed , I am going to be driving her there....12 hours one way. But I need a NOW! I will be spending a weekend off driving....but so worth it for me!!! Or I'm buying her a bus ticket. Again...I got to live my dreams....not anyone else's. It is time to put my big girl panties on and make me happy. 

On an emergency prep note.....my pool is done....so now I have 7800 gallons of water for shtf. I also bought 20 pounds of sugar to put. I also bought some drinking water..enough for 1 person for 3 days. I got to stock up more on that. ASAP....especially since hurricanes love Florida.


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## Molly Mckee (Jul 8, 2006)

Put her on the bus to your cousins--you don't need that long drive. Your Mom needs to learn to function on her own. My MIL was blind, you would not have know it if you meet her in her house. You are doing the best thing for you Mom, as well as your family.


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## mnn2501 (Apr 2, 2008)

Great, whether you put her on a bus or drive her is up to you. 12 hours each way is a short drive for some peace in your life.

I'd vote for the bus myself, but that's me.
Perhaps your cousin could meet you part way.


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## beaglebiz (Aug 5, 2008)

I'd buy the bus ticket. Thats got to be lots cheaper than gas both ways...plus your time is worth something too...and you dont have to worry about getting sleepy (no way you could drive back and forth without a good sleep in between)


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## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

It's Def a long drive.... I talked to her about it just a little bit ago. She is Def leaving with in 2 weeks to go up north. Now just to get her there. The bus ticket would be cheaper...


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## Maura (Jun 6, 2004)

Have you considered working under the table? It can be a long long time to get disability through, and you missed it.

I&#8217;m so glad you have a plan to free your life in only two weeks. Be prepared for her to want to come back because things don&#8217;t work out with the cousin. At that time, she can go to assisted living. Be prepared to hear that your mom is simply wonderful and people can&#8217;t understand why you would throw her out. Be strong.


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## mrs whodunit (Feb 3, 2012)

simi-steading said:


> "Hey mom, remember when I was a kid, it was your house, your rules? Well guess what.. times have changed... "
> 
> Then tell her if she don't like the new rules, she can find her own place.. Just like she probably told you years ago..


That exactly


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## belladulcinea (Jun 21, 2006)

You do anything when there's an end to it! Take care of yourself these next couple of weeks!


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## CuriousWanderer (Feb 23, 2014)

I agree that your mother is clearly the problem. Your husband is probably just as annoyed as you and is hiding behind his ammo stockpile. I say, you and your husband go out to dinner, or somewhere else, and talk it all out. Talk about your dream to grown your own food and how beneficial it will be to your health. Talk about your desire to care for your husband and child they way you want to. Talk about the life you would have without your mother around. Yes, there will be more chores around the house but it will be worth it. Get him on your side, get him excited, and get him to be the support you need to get your mother out. 
Next, I would have the two of you sit down with your mother and tell her you need her to leave. Give her 30 days or set a specific date such as the first of the month. She will cry, whine, and try to manipulate/guilt you but as long and you and your husband are united it will be in vain. If she threatens or attempts suicide take her to a mental health hospital, or any hospital, and they will hold her for a mandatory 3 days. I think that will make her realize that you are serious. She might even become so offended that you had her committed that she won't want to stay with you anymore 
Good luck! Follow your dreams and keep us posted in your progress!


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

CuriousWanderer said:


> I agree that your mother is clearly the problem. Your husband is probably just as annoyed as you and is hiding behind his ammo stockpile. I say, you and your husband go out to dinner, or somewhere else, and talk it all out. Talk about your dream to grown your own food and how beneficial it will be to your health. Talk about your desire to care for your husband and child they way you want to. Talk about the life you would have without your mother around. Yes, there will be more chores around the house but it will be worth it. Get him on your side, get him excited, and get him to be the support you need to get your mother out.
> Next, I would have the two of you sit down with your mother and tell her you need her to leave. Give her 30 days or set a specific date such as the first of the month. She will cry, whine, and try to manipulate/guilt you but as long and you and your husband are united it will be in vain. If she threatens or attempts suicide take her to a mental health hospital, or any hospital, and they will hold her for a mandatory 3 days. I think that will make her realize that you are serious. She might even become so offended that you had her committed that she won't want to stay with you anymore
> Good luck! Follow your dreams and keep us posted in your progress!


If she threatens suicide, tell her to get a cell phone and call you when it's over! (I did something similar to a person and she never threatened suicide again!).


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## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

She was crying today..while I took her to town to run errands.....whining about how my 14 year old is so snappy with her. I heard the conversation. Nothing was snappy on either side... I totally ignored her.. at that point I knew she was looking for attention. My daughter, mom, & I continued to run errands. I just turned up the radio and me and my daughter started singing. 

Hubby and I had some alone time in the pool. Yes he is tired of my mom....more than me. His dreams and my dreams dont mesh. I'm the one that wants to be more self sufficient. ..he doesn't want a garden or animals. BUT yet he talks about he knows that things are going south...and we need to be ready.....But he just does the guns and ammo part....but I he knows that the animals and garden are coming asap. He just won't take care of Iit as much as I would be.


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## Molly Mckee (Jul 8, 2006)

Be careful that your Mom doesn't make your DD miserable, behind your back. She needs to know that in no uncertain terms, causing problems with your DD or DH is a deal breaker and she is at the homeless shelter if she doesn't make other arrangements. If she is nasty to your DD in front of you, she is worse behind your back.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

Ardie/WI said:


> If she threatens suicide, tell her to get a cell phone and call you when it's over! (I did something similar to a person and she never threatened suicide again!).


My hubs had threatened it many times over the years. I finally did something similar to the above in telling him to do what he had to do. Paramedics took him down from the rope.

If someone is serious about suicide, they may end up doing it no matter what you do to try and prevent it.

C_S, I'm saying this so that I can say-don't let your mom's threat of suicide be held over your head for a guilt trip. 

Your town trip today would have been a perfect time to tell her that you heard the exchange between them, your dd was not being snappy and that it's time for her to find another place to live in X days. Step up for your kid. Step up for your marriage.

Best of luck!


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## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

Molly Mckee said:


> Be careful that your Mom doesn't make your DD miserable, behind your back. She needs to know that in no uncertain terms, causing problems with your DD or DH is a deal breaker and she is at the homeless shelter if she doesn't make other arrangements. If she is nasty to your DD in front of you, she is worse behind your back.


I never thought of that!!! Me and my DD are going to talk in the morning!!


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## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

Terri in WV said:


> My hubs had threatened it many times over the years. I finally did something similar to the above in telling him to do what he had to do. Paramedics took him down from the rope.
> 
> If someone is serious about suicide, they may end up doing it no matter what you do to try and prevent it.
> 
> ...



My DD and her friend was in the car with us when she was crying and saying that. That's when I turned up the radio and me and DD started singing.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

So, you sang loudly to cover your Mom's suicide threats?

Good heavens, I would have offered her help in making a phone call to see the doctor!


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## Cornhusker (Mar 20, 2003)

We get one life.
Don't let someone else waste it for you


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## mrs whodunit (Feb 3, 2012)

Cancer_survivor said:


> She was crying today..while I took her to town to run errands.....whining about how my 14 year old is so snappy with her. I heard the conversation. Nothing was snappy on either side... I totally ignored her.. at that point I knew she was looking for attention. My daughter, mom, & I continued to run errands. I just turned up the radio and me and my daughter started singing.
> 
> Hubby and I had some alone time in the pool. Yes he is tired of my mom....more than me. His dreams and my dreams dont mesh. I'm the one that wants to be more self sufficient. ..he doesn't want a garden or animals. BUT yet he talks about he knows that things are going south...and we need to be ready.....But he just does the guns and ammo part....but I he knows that the animals and garden are coming asap. He just won't take care of Iit as much as I would be.


My grandmother lived with us for a number of years when I was a kid. I dont know what her issue was but she had fun "Gaslight"ing me. My stuff would disappear only to reappear months or weeks later. I finally got tired of thinking I was loosing my stuff/mind and started making traps where i could tell if somebody was going in my room when we where gone. She was.

One day she told me to put the candy out on the table. I told her that mom had said to not put it out yet. She blew up. I went and told my mom what as going on. Big fight ensued and grandma was asked to leave.

Peace came back into the household and my stuff was no longer messed with.

Edited to add that I told my mom 20+ years later about grandma messing with my stuff. Poor gal was shocked...... she didnt realize her mom was such a nutcase. She was upset she had put me through all that.


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## Maura (Jun 6, 2004)

The mom was whining about DD, that is when the radio volume went up. This had nothing to do with a suicide threat. The suicide attempt was made prior to moving in with Cancer Survivor, and is the reason that mom moved in.

Let&#8217;s try to keep on the same page. As I read it, mom is scheduled to move &#8216;up north&#8217; to live with another relative. She is going by hook or by crook.


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## Ann-NWIowa (Sep 28, 2002)

I would be totally honest with your mother and tell her the last straw was coming home to NO SUPPER. What a slap in the face. My personality is different from yours and I can tell you I would have exploded right then and there. 

Your mother sounds passive aggressive. Poor little weak helpless lady busy sticking knives in your back. You're right she needs to go. If she threatens suicide, have her committed. That will serve two purposes (1) protect her from herself (2) get her gone from your house.


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

SO how you doin? How did the mimi vacation in the bedroom go?


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## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

Terri said:


> So, you sang loudly to cover your Mom's suicide threats?
> 
> Good heavens, I would have offered her help in making a phone call to see the doctor!


No she wasn't making the suicide threats at this time..m.mthis was when she was whining like a little kid about my DD. I was about to snap. Singing with my DD was a way to not snap in front of my child.


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## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

Cornhusker said:


> We get one life.
> Don't let someone else waste it for you


That is awesome advice!!!!


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## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

Forcast said:


> SO how you doin? How did the mimi vacation in the bedroom go?


Today has been wonderful! Me and DH had some much needed vacation in the bedroom!!!! We got a bunch of stuff done in the yard. My mom stayed in her room. I made a list of the stuff that had to get done today for the whole family. She did her part without complaining. All she had to do was clean the kitchen. DD took the trash out. I did 3 loads of laundry and weedeated....and pulled weeds....getting ready to do my first planting  DH weedeated and push mowed since our riding mower took a crap today. Then he went to the garage and started working on a side job extra money!!! Then friends came over. All of us ate...including my mom. Then swimming...Then TV with just the DH....Mountain Men....wow....I like that show I think. I need to watch more episodes. 

Me and my brother had a long talk about my mom. He knows that when I kick her out that she will be going to his couch. I made that clear. He totally agrees that she needs her own place. Applications for low income housing are going in!! That's his department. He doesn't want her on his couch so he is all over this! Me and my brother are really close. He knows how our mom is....But I got stuck with her. 

My brother is going to talk to her tomorrow about going to Illinois. He has the extra money to pay for gas both ways....we so she can be up there while waiting on the applications for housing to go thru.

Me and my DD had a talk today about how grandma treats her when I am not around. She states that they get into it over doing the dishes. I was currently writing out a dishes rotation and daily chore list for both of them. My mom is going to do her chores that she is supposed to do for her rent....OR she is going to start paying rent!!!! 

Me and the DH talked at length about the situation. He said all I gotta do is say the word and he will kick her out then and there.

Today was great though! I appreciate ALL the input and advice!! It has made me open my eyes to a lot of things....one step at a time.....My DD, DH, and I will get through this hurdle in life.


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

Hows it going on your home front?


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## puddlejumper007 (Jan 12, 2008)

Cancer_survivor said:


> After my dad died in 2007 she moved in with me. Then she got her own place in a low income housing. She stayed there for a couple of years. Then she tried to kill herself because she was so lonely. Fast forward.....she lives with me now. She is going blind...she can see shapes but she can't drive.


oh a little thing you forgot to mention, she is going blind.. maybe there is a reason no supper was on the table, ect....geees hope you get it all figured out , best for everyone....


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## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

Supper was there....just none for me. My brother and I have filled out the low income housing paperwork. My mom went and stayed with her brother for a week. It was wonderful.

I currently am on strike from cooking and cleaning. Me and DH had a LONG conversation yesterday. Wet talked about selling the house....we talked about walking away from the mortgages. Mom is leaving ASAP. My DH understands that I want a mini farm...very mini...5 to 8 chickens...2 goats...some rabbits...and a pig to butcher. And a garden. I told him I would not ask him to stop racing but if I don't get any support on what I want then his racing support is getting cut off. I told him I was willing to pack up and leave the state by myself. We also talked about the lack of antidepressants in my life....I realized that I need to go back on them. The thought of suicide has crossed my mind many times...I know it's not normal. I don't want to die. I am going to see my doctor on the 8th to help solve that problem. No I'm not going to kill myself but the thought has been there. Which is not a normal thought process.

so the DH is going to help me set up for the animals and garden but he refuses to he take care of any of it. Oh well. ...My DD is willing to help me. Plus she cleaned house.....did laundry. And cooked supper yesterday...yup and my mom did nothing but sleep till after 1 p.m. I made sure my DD knew how much I appreciated it.....and I mad sure my mom knew that I knew that DD Did It NOT her.

other than. That....same stuff different day. I'm looking for supplies for the pens and such for the animals


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

well girl its a start. You have to take care of You!


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## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

I am feeling much better about the decisions I've made recently. I love my DH but he now knows in no uncertain terms what I want...and if he can't help me then I will leave and chase my dreams by myself. He is on board with me to a point. This makes me happy. I have been very supportive of his racing hobby...and now DD races too. But I want more to life than racing. I feel much more at peace since the talk. I don't think he realizes that I really want to do this.....But plans are already in motion. My sis in laws goat just got preggo.....guess who is getting the baby!!! DH knows this and is going to help me get ready for it. I'm excited!!!


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## mpillow (Jan 24, 2003)

Cancer_survivor said:


> I am feeling much better about the decisions I've made recently. I love my DH but he now knows in no uncertain terms what I want...and if he can't help me then I will leave and chase my dreams by myself. He is on board with me to a point. This makes me happy. I have been very supportive of his racing hobby...and now DD races too. But I want more to life than racing. I feel much more at peace since the talk. I don't think he realizes that I really want to do this.....But plans are already in motion. My sis in laws goat just got preggo.....guess who is getting the baby!!! DH knows this and is going to help me get ready for it. I'm excited!!!


The goats usually have at least twins...


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## homebody (Jan 24, 2005)

LOL, about goats. I have read a lot on the goat forum and seems like adding more goats becomes an obsession for a lot of those folks. May your resolve will be stronger. I will not ever get any because I KNOW I'm weak, lol.


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## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

I'm secretly hoping for twins  Her first pregnancy was a single....But her sister had twins. Please be twins!!  

My DH and I have a plan on which fence goes where etc.  Have been reading a lot and talking to some experts in my area  

My mom is involveded In the plan as well. She is going to help us financially with the projects....also apparently she likes to garden and is really excited about being a part of that. When my dad was alive he wouldn't let her have one unless it was what he wanted. I love and miss my dad but he was controlling and verbally abusive. 

She is leaving soon to go up north for a couple months. That will give everyone a break. Oh while we was sleeping she made breakfast for everyone. Things are getting better.


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## terri9630 (Mar 12, 2012)

One of my does had a single the first time then 2 sets of triplets. This year she aborted and the vet is sure it's from stress from a bobcat was causing. He took all my chickens, beat up my 3 mastiffs and kept coming right up to the goat pen. I put a top on the pen when he first started taking chickens so he couldn't get in.


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## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

I'm sorry about the bobcat causing problems!! But triplets....hmmmmm....I wouldn't be upset they are Nigerian dwarfs. ....and free for me ...ooohhh let her be pregnant. ...with all girls  I'm anxiously waiting to find out if she is pregnant


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## terri9630 (Mar 12, 2012)

Be careful what you wish for, they are addictive. I've managed to stay at 3 does and a buck, but those babies are soooooo cute and funny to watch. Our third doe (who manage to bounce herself into the permanent herd) would come bouncing across the pen and throw herself into your lap if you were sitting down. No hesitation at all and she would land on her side looking at you for attention. Such a ham!


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## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

That's what I'm afraid of. .... getting addicted. I think they are so adorable!! I want them to have babies...so I can see the miracle of life  but I am prepared to sell the extras or give them away. I know I can only keep so many for them to be useful


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## terri9630 (Mar 12, 2012)

2 LA Manchas give us plenty of milk(+-2gal a day) but we decided to keep the third because we are hoping I'll figure out this whole cheese thing. My cheese tastes all right but it just won't melt.:hair


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## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

I can't wait to learn all that!!!!

Another update. ....my mom put her application in for low income housing! !!!!!!!!


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## dizzy (Jun 25, 2013)

Good! Hopefully she'll be able to move in soon.


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## ejagno (Jan 2, 2008)

Sweetie, it sounds like you really need a break and I'm glad your Mom is going to be out of town for a while. Praying things continue to look up.


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## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

Just when everything is starting to look up. .....shtf....I went to the doctor today. My choice was go home on bed rest and if I get worse then go to the er to get admitted. ...hopefully get better by Monday or I get admitted. .... or go directly to the hospital to get admitted. 

I'm on bed rest at home. Especially when I went to the oncologist on Tuesday and my white blood cells, red blood cells, hemoglobin, and hemocrit was low.

More than likely I have cdiff again. But I am on 3 antibiotics to try and catch it in the early stages. The issue is that because of the radiation I had...my bowels are damaged and don't like to absorb the pills wry well....sometimes only iv therapy works. It's turned into a waiting game. I don't know how to even prepare for this.


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## Calico Katie (Sep 12, 2003)

I'm so sorry for this setback. Praying you'll have a speedy recovery.


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## BlueRose (Mar 7, 2013)

Cancer Survivor hope you are feeling better today. Thoughts and prayers are with you.


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## Cancer_survivor (Aug 7, 2012)

Thank you! I'm feeling better. Not 100% but a lot better. The pain in my abdomen is minimal. I'm not going to the bathroom as much! Which is total signs of improvement! ! I can tell you that bedrest SUCKS! I haven't been able to work in my garden.....which I do every weekend....it's my therapy. I did get out of bed to water it and take a few pic's. ... it's my first time actually trying to garden so I'm like a proud momma....you should see my Facebook pics lol.

I am fixing to get up to go check on my garden now and water before it gets any later. Then back to bed and antiobiotics!


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## AnnieinBC (Mar 23, 2007)

Cancer_survivor said:


> I am very thankful for all the input. Btw... yes I thought about using the ammo on something yesterday. Thank god I'm not suicidal or it would have been on me. My mom is definitely a big problem. I just got to get over the fact that she needs to move on and I'm going to have to be mean about it. I'm the oldest of 3. My brother bought him a one bedroom home soshe can't go there. My sister married a guy who likes to look at kiddy porn....so she can't go there (long story with that one) I haven't talked to get since I found out about him. I think it's time to get her a application for housing based on her income. (She gets a widows pension) it's either that or I'm walking away from the mortgages and taking my hubby and daughter out of state and starting all over. My relationship with my hubby is suffering. ... heck is hard to have sex with her around...kwim? And then if we go away for the weekend it's a guilt trip..... and don't get me started if I I go to town without her on my day off. She has tried to kill herself before..had to be baker acted....so I guess I feel guilty for wanting her a little farther away than my house. .. But give me a freaking break


 
Why would you walk away from your home and your financial responsibilities? You aren't the one who needs to walk, it's your mom.

Pull out the line we use around here "If you live here, you work here. No such thing as a free ride."

Then stand by it. Give her the boot if you need to. Sad when a mother takes advantage of the love her child has for her.

You got one life here on Earth. Go live it!


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## AnnieinBC (Mar 23, 2007)

I'm sorry, I should have read all the posts before I added my thoughts. I hope u feel better soon, the extra stress can't be helping.


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