# Why is life and love soo dang hard....



## 54metalman (Jul 12, 2011)

Why is it? Why is it so hard to find love, true love, and even just live? Thought I had it all. In fact I did for awhile. Then she cheated and ended our 20 year marriage. Then found someone on here that was amazing!!! we were better friends as there was no romantic connection. Which was fine but she still was special in my heart. Then true love and had it all till health took it from me. Been struggling ever since to find that right person. The one that all the country songs are about. The one that takes your breath away.... Is she out there????


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## ShannonR (Nov 28, 2012)

I don't have the answer to your questions, but often ask myself these same things


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## 54metalman (Jul 12, 2011)

ShannonR said:


> I don't have the answer to your questions, but often ask myself these same things


Its been asked in my head a long long time... Hope to find the answer before I am too old to do anything about it.


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## MoBookworm1957 (Aug 24, 2015)

You have to believe there is someone special just for you.
When you've just about given up hope of ever finding your special person.
She'll be right there. Wondering where you been, she's been searching
everywhere for you too.


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## ShannonR (Nov 28, 2012)

MoBookworm1957 said:


> You have to believe there is someone special just for you.
> When you've just about given up hope of ever finding your special person.
> She'll be right there. Wondering where you been, she's been searching
> everywhere for you too.


Beautifully put

Also: times change and people change...and nothing is truly forever


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## MoBookworm1957 (Aug 24, 2015)

ShannonR said:


> Beautifully put
> 
> Also: times change and people change...and nothing is truly forever


ShannonR.
I was trying to be encouraging. Not practical.


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## 54metalman (Jul 12, 2011)

MoBookworm1957 said:


> ShannonR.
> I was trying to be encouraging. Not practical.


I appreciate it. LOL. I am a realist as well as a hopeless romantic.... makes it difficult at best.


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## ShannonR (Nov 28, 2012)

I'm headed off to my corner to cry for awhile now. I didn't need this conversation at the moment, I guess.


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## 54metalman (Jul 12, 2011)

ShannonR said:


> I'm headed off to my corner to cry for awhile now. I didn't need this conversation at the moment, I guess.


I am sorry Darlin. I don't like to see anyone cry and hope I didn't do something to upset you.


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## Oregon1986 (Apr 25, 2017)

You are never too old to find love,she is out there


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## ShannonR (Nov 28, 2012)

54metalman said:


> I am sorry Darlin. I don't like to see anyone cry and hope I didn't do something to upset you.


Nothing you did!!


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

Maybe when we dont feel good, health issues, less money, house and yard work not done its not the best time to sell yourself. I mean what are we offering someone other than that we need help.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

This is life, not a country western song or movie or tv show. If I happen to find love again, great. If not, I will still live my life to the best of my ability. I have wonderful children and grandchildren who I love and who love me. Concentrate on the love you already have in your life. Many times we ignore what we have for a fairytale ideal of what we think we should have.


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## MoBookworm1957 (Aug 24, 2015)

54metalman said:


> I appreciate it. LOL. I am a realist as well as a hopeless romantic.... makes it difficult at best.


I am a realist. Don't really believe happy ever after anymore.


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## ShannonR (Nov 28, 2012)

I have a feeling the OP would be helped at least in part by talking about their current situation more.

What happened?


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## Wolf mom (Mar 8, 2005)

rkintn said:


> This is life, not a country western song or movie or tv show. If I happen to find love again, great. If not, I will still live my life to the best of my ability. Concentrate on the love you already have in your life. Many times we ignore what we have for a fairy tale ideal of what we think we should have.


Best words I've heard in a long time.


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## Clem (Apr 12, 2016)

I have a dog that loves me, unconditionally. She don't ever hold a grudge, even for a second. Like, if I were to accidentally do anything that hurt her, she wouldn't run off and hide, or anything like that. Knows I only mean her the best. 

I feel the same about her. Like when she gets in my bed, and makes her nest right in the middle, on top f the covers. I put on my long johns to keep from getting cold, and sleep around her, instead of waking her up.

And, I guess that's about as good as a man can hope for.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

that's exactly the way my son feels about his dogs Clem. he's got 2 that sleeps with him and he's happy. he doesn't spend too much time with humans. we spend a few hours a week working on my land and then he heads on home. I call him a hermit . he says he's not though.

me, I'm making do right now with an electric blanket but hopefully not for long. I don't think I was meant to be alone. probably because I have had someone that depended on me for most of my life and I'm lost without it. ~Georgia


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## GTX63 (Dec 13, 2016)

My father in law kept a secret account for my wife so when she finally realized I was as bad as he told her I was, she would have money to leave me. Some people have no idea what happiness is yet embrace misery with both arms. After 20 years he was still funding the account so my wife cashed it out and used it to start our oldest son in college. 
While life is a journey, happiness is not a destination.


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## rickpaul (Jan 10, 2013)

..As for me, i`m 72 an have copd. I would really love to have someone in my life but i have given up on that ever happening........


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

Why? I'm older than you and I feel I've still got a lot to offer a man in fact I know I have .what's copd? ~Georgia


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## 54metalman (Jul 12, 2011)

ShannonR said:


> I have a feeling the OP would be helped at least in part by talking about their current situation more.
> 
> What happened?


Well its kind of a long story. I am working but not enough. I am renting a room from a long time friend, who is female, and am constently being either told to have a relationship with or accused of having one. She is like my little sister and there is no romantic or physical attraction there. I was in a relationship for 11 months and it was/is more drama and fighting than anything else. I am very unhappy but don't want to be alone. I found someone who is everything I have been looking for. The total package!!!! Just 2 major problems.... I am older than her dad and she is just 18!!!! So I know the type of woman I am looking for is out there..... I just hope I can find one closer to my age.


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

54metalman said:


> Why is it? Why is it so hard to find love, true love, and even just live? Thought I had it all. In fact I did for awhile. Then she cheated and ended our 20 year marriage. Then found someone on here that was amazing!!! we were better friends as there was no romantic connection. Which was fine but she still was special in my heart. Then true love and had it all till health took it from me. Been struggling ever since to find that right person. The one that all the country songs are about. The one that takes your breath away.... Is she out there????


First off, keep in mind that about half of those country songs about love tend to be about love that's gone south. Second thing to keep in mind is that many folks who have succeeded in finding good romantic relationships didn't really find something when they were looking. They just seemed to stumble across it as they were just living their lives.

Sure sometimes they don't last as long as the one who hopes it would last does, but life goes on in those situations and eventually another chance falls in front of them and after the initial stumble on it, it offers the same potential.

During my life I have been in love many times and some lasted longer than others and I am currently happy with an old flame who came looking for me and we stoked the flame again.

A year or so back she laughed when I told her I had crossed paths with a woman who had shot me down 15 years ago saying she had changed her mind and I was asked if I was still interested.

What GF laughed about was how I had replied to the woman that if I wasn't in a relationship I might be interested but I was in a relationship and old enough to know trying to date two would be trouble because I was too old for that 20 something sort of game.

Just go about your life, don't really look for love but keep your eyes open if a special friendship steps in front of you and if it does just take it one day at a time.

If you find a romance with enough one days behind one another it's the lifetime of your dreams. If not, then as you live your life you have a number of special days that later in your life will bring a smile to your face as you remember the best of them.

And that is how a happy life usually plays itself out as you live it and see what shows up as you live your days always moving forward.


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## ShannonR (Nov 28, 2012)

54metalman said:


> Well its kind of a long story. I am working but not enough. I am renting a room from a long time friend, who is female, and am constently being either told to have a relationship with or accused of having one. She is like my little sister and there is no romantic or physical attraction there. I was in a relationship for 11 months and it was/is more drama and fighting than anything else. I am very unhappy but don't want to be alone. I found someone who is everything I have been looking for. The total package!!!! Just 2 major problems.... I am older than her dad and she is just 18!!!! So I know the type of woman I am looking for is out there..... I just hope I can find one closer to my age.


I can see where that would be difficult!! Your domestic situation sounds about as complicated as mine is.


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

Clem said:


> I have a dog that loves me, unconditionally. She don't ever hold a grudge, even for a second. Like, if I were to accidentally do anything that hurt her, she wouldn't run off and hide, or anything like that. Knows I only mean her the best.
> 
> I feel the same about her. Like when she gets in my bed, and makes her nest right in the middle, on top f the covers. I put on my long johns to keep from getting cold, and sleep around her, instead of waking her up.
> 
> And, I guess that's about as good as a man can hope for.




That little thing that gardens with you is a dog, who'd of thunk it ?


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## PhillT (May 17, 2011)

Instead of looking for your perfect partner, just be the person that a lady would like as her perfect partner, and she will find you. 
Worked for me, 20 years and loved every day of it, as has she


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## JohnLeePettimore (Apr 19, 2011)

MoBookworm1957 said:


> I am a realist. Don't really believe happy ever after anymore.


That's probably the biggest lie we were told as kids. It gives you a totally wrong view of the world, and how to live in it.

As Jesus said, "In this world, you will have trouble, but take heart, for I have overcome the world." He didn't say he'd take away the trouble. He's just going to help you through it.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Metal man I don't see the problem. 

Traditionally older "made" men have married women after their first period. 

So if she really is the one for you no Problem. 
But the brain doesn't stop forming untill 25 so there may be some changes. 
What's most important is that you be in the same stage of life. Have you had kids ?
Has she ?
You have been married, has she ?
Does she want kids ? Do you ?
Things like that.


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## The girl loves flowers (Mar 27, 2017)

54metalman said:


> Why is it? Why is it so hard to find love, true love, and even just live? Thought I had it all. In fact I did for awhile. Then she cheated and ended our 20 year marriage. Then found someone on here that was amazing!!! we were better friends as there was no romantic connection. Which was fine but she still was special in my heart. Then true love and had it all till health took it from me. Been struggling ever since to find that right person. The one that all the country songs are about. The one that takes your breath away.... Is she out there????


I think it's hard only because we go against how God made us. God created man with a deep,abiding need for someone.He made us to be with a mate. Instead of looking to ourselves for that answer,I think we need to look to our maker. My favorite book on earth about this is a book called " In Search Of a Help Meet". And the Bible. 
With love, Tammy


54metalman said:


> Why is it? Why is it so hard to find love, true love, and even just live? Thought I had it all. In fact I did for awhile. Then she cheated and ended our 20 year marriage. Then found someone on here that was amazing!!! we were better friends as there was no romantic connection. Which was fine but she still was special in my heart. Then true love and had it all till health took it from me. Been struggling ever since to find that right person. The one that all the country songs are about. The one that takes your breath away.... Is she out there????


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## ShannonR (Nov 28, 2012)

AmericanStand said:


> Metal man I don't see the problem.
> 
> Traditionally older "made" men have married women after their first period.
> 
> ...


I shared my personal thoughts on this with you in another thread, I think. I'll leave it, this time.... lol


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## Bearfootfarm (Jul 13, 2006)

54metalman said:


> *Why* is it? Why is it so hard to find love, true love, and even just live?


It's so you'll have something to compare to when you find the good stuff.


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## reubenT (Feb 28, 2012)

problem summed up by a bible verse aimed toward end of time era. 
"And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold."

I think true love only happens when there are principals involved, such as 'love only works when it's given both ways' if one or the other is in it for selfish reasons, like what I can get out of it. It won't work long term. Both sides have to focus on making the other happy. Jesus demonstrated it. Anyone who claims to be a follower of his and does not demonstrate true love, is thereby failing to properly represent him. And the world is full of such failures. But there are also many situations where one person tries their best and the other won't respond correctly. Nothing is perfect in this world. 

PS; I was just reading this book again, the story of why everything is the way it is in this world. 
http://www.whiteestate.org/books/pp/pp.asp


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## Nsoitgoes (Jan 31, 2016)

54metalman said:


> Its been asked in my head a long long time... Hope to find the answer before I am too old to do anything about it.


You are never too old. Love does not become unavailable when you reach a certain number of birthdays. The main barrier to happiness is your own mindset.



rickpaul said:


> ..As for me, i`m 72 an have copd. I would really love to have someone in my life but i have given up on that ever happening........


I am 71. My SO is 76. We are both widowed. We have been together now for 11 months and we both plan on it being a lifetime commitment. He is a cancer survivor. He has copd. Neither make him any less lovable. He has a fine mind, a ready wit, he is a gentle and loving soul who I adore. He was not afraid to reach out and woo me. If you tell yourself you haven't a chance, then it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Remind yourself of all your good qualities. The things about you that make you a real catch. It is amazing how attractive a positive attitude is.


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## ShannonR (Nov 28, 2012)

Nsoitgoes said:


> The main barrier to happiness is your own mindset.
> 
> 
> 
> It is amazing how attractive a positive attitude is.


These two things, make the world of difference!!!


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## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

A decade ago, I looked on some of the dating sites. Seemed chock full of gals that now middle age woke up and discovered they have no employment skills, are broke, lost their health in some way and need a guy that can sooth their troubles, turn their life into an endless vacation. "I'm really sad and I want a person that can insure my happiness." doesn't make it.

Any relationship depends on both partners giving a lot more than they get out of it, but you need to muster the ambition to create reasons for someone to love you.


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## MoBookworm1957 (Aug 24, 2015)

ShannonR said:


> I shared my personal thoughts on this with you in another thread, I think. I'll leave it, this time.... lol


Somethings never change do they.


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## miggyb (May 2, 2015)

PhillT said:


> Instead of looking for your perfect partner, just be the person that a lady would like as her perfect partner, and she will find you.
> Worked for me, 20 years and loved every day of it, as has she


I was married twice the first time for 8yrs, a high school romance.Then I met my wife, the perfect one. I'm not talking cooking, housecleaning, etc. My perfect "fit".It's been nearly five years, now, since she has passed. I feel lucky to have met her and had the time,we did. I try not dwelling on her passing,but it will always be an obstacle, to another relationship. But, that's me, Good luck to the OP, in your search. I met my wife when I moved into a new apartment, as a bitter divorced father of 2,cursing the day I ever met my first wife. My wife and friend of 25 yrs was my next door neighbor, her oldest daughter connived a "chance"meeting. Thirty yrs later I have some great memories. I'm happy to have those memories and I'm not expecting anymore out of "Life".


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## DKWunlimited (Sep 11, 2006)

I recently had this exact conversation with a friend. I do believe that strong relationships can be forever. My parents have been married for over 53 years and my dad says he loves mom more now than 50 years ago. The key is accepting and encouraging differances and choosing to be happy. My dad did cheat and they did seperate for a year but in the end they decided that family and shared memories were more important (kids, grandkids etc) 
The friend I was talking with has been married for 20 years and he met her online, he married too fast and then found out that she has NO sex drive and his is very strong. He has made the committment to stay married and looks for positive things to appreciate about her. 
I think determining what is important to you comes first and then making the decision to be happy with it. Do you want companionship? Look for someone with those same values.


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