# Lost my home,kids and husband



## WhiteChristmas (Dec 13, 2006)

To those who are wondering what happened to us, we moved to Washington,Dc for a job for the husband and work as a part time nurse/security guard for me. After barely surving these three months. We are being put put out Thursday and my kids are going to my family{ I'm not welcome there but they are} in Maine. and my husband to a men's shelter and I'm hpoing they got a spot for me at the woman's shelter. my heart is broken. We've struggled and over came alot in ten years since we left the Navy. Now where we started is ending us. I've got interenet til Thursday when the sheriff puts us out. and then spotty at best. 

love angel


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## Scott SW Ohio (Sep 20, 2003)

WC, that's terrible news. I am sure you must be very discouraged. I sure hope things begin to get better for you and your family soon.

Hang in there. You and your husband can pull this together, maybe not right away but eventually. Don't give up.


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## Maura (Jun 6, 2004)

I'm so sorry you are going through this. (((hugs)))


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## KnowOneSpecial (Sep 12, 2010)

I'm sorry to hear this. Can the VA help? What about local Churches?

Sometimes families with kids get better treatment then just a man or a woman would.


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## Sonshine (Jul 27, 2007)

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. Is it possible to relocate to another state? Although, the way things are, I'm not sure what states have jobs available. Praying for you and your family.


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## sidepasser (May 10, 2002)

Very sorry you are going through this. Can you seek help (emergency help) through the dept. of families and children services?


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## Tiempo (May 22, 2008)

Have you contacted your county veterans' services rep?


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## Jokarva (Jan 17, 2010)

Are you in DC itself or in the general area? If you're in DC and can't get services you may want to cross the river into Alexandria VA, it's an affluent area and has lots of social services available including a shelter (Carpenter's Shelter, 703-548-7500) that takes men and women.....maybe you and your DH could stay together. Agree to check with churches in the area....many have services available too.

Will keep you in our prayers.


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

Oh, I am so very sorry! Having lived (struggled) in the DC metro area (VA) I totally understand how difficult it can be to survive there. I'd never live there again! I hope you will be able to get your family back under one roof soon.


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## nodak3 (Feb 5, 2003)

Contact job services in North Dakota and tell them you will take any jobs that include housing? 

Explain potential loss of kids and maybe Lutheran Social Services would be willing to help you get there?

Just ideas.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

I am so very sorry. Prayers for your family; miracles DO happen every day.


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## WhiteChristmas (Dec 13, 2006)

KnowOneSpecial said:


> I'm sorry to hear this. Can the VA help? What about local Churches?
> 
> Sometimes families with kids get better treatment then just a man or a woman would.


 VA Homesless here is setting up our shelter and getting bus tickets for the kids. Social services here laughed at us yesterday Prince George's county about asking for help to stay. All they said was pay your bills. and you'll be fine. Sure my husband works for the martime comisson takes home $900. full time every two weeks and I work 40 at 10.00 an hour and no food stamps. Ulitlies here are $450 a month gas/electirc no air and rent is 975 a month. bus/metro passes for us to get to work are 50 each a week. or it would be more. and food $125. a week we do laundry at the mat for 20 a week family of four cheapest place around here. No phones and using the neighbors cable/internet. Can't shave any more off. The gas {for heat and cooking is crazy here} Just scared and ranting.


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## WhiteChristmas (Dec 13, 2006)

KnowOneSpecial said:


> I'm sorry to hear this. Can the VA help? What about local Churches?
> 
> Sometimes families with kids get better treatment then just a man or a woman would.


 Social Servies here laughed at us, told me if the husband and I have jobs we just need to pay rent and suck it up. LOL, suck it up. We're living on raman nodles and 1.75 packages of pounded flat chicken from EverSave. So social services answer for us was to sit in the dark don't cook, have no water and alll that. Nice, it's the ultitles that are killers here. Almost $800 a month for the basics. Waiting for a call from the VA I borrowed a phone from the womans'shleter to make calls.


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## Homely (Aug 22, 2007)

I'm so sorry for you and your family!


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## Windgefluester (Apr 10, 2011)

I'm so sorry for you!


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## Tiempo (May 22, 2008)

I'm a bit confused about the numbers here...so you bring home between you about $3k per month? Are utilities $450 or $800 per month?


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## Melissa (Apr 15, 2002)

I am really sorry for your troubles, but I just want to say that I would do anything you possibly could to keep your children with you. Once they are away from you it may be really hard to get them back. I have seen this happen before on this board and it is a decision that most regret. Really think about it. If you still have an income can you live in a cheap hotel room for a while until you regroup?


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## suzyhomemaker09 (Sep 24, 2004)

Tiempo said:


> I'm a bit confused about the numbers here...so you bring home between you about $3k per month? Are utilities $450 or $800 per month?



:huh:

You noticed that too?


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## Queen Bee (Apr 7, 2004)

I am sorry that you are struggling.. I suggest that you call any and every place that might help--all they can say is NO... Churches, state, county, city, VA. There has to be shelters that help keep families together. Child Protective services work hard at keeping the family together...Contact them and keep asking questions until they point you in the correct direction. I must agree with Melissa--I would do anything to keep my children with me...

Prayers and hugs for you all.


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## Scott SW Ohio (Sep 20, 2003)

Could you live without gas service? Cold showers, heat a little water for dishes and facewashing in a pot on a hotplate? You won't need heat for five months or so.

Added: Rereading your posts, it seems you are leaving the apartment now in any case so this was not a helpful comment - sorry.


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## Melissa (Apr 15, 2002)

Queen Bee said:


> I am sorry that you are struggling.. I suggest that you call any and every place that might help--all they can say is NO... Churches, state, county, city, VA. There has to be shelters that help keep families together. Child Protective services work hard at keeping the family together...Contact them and keep asking questions until they point you in the correct direction. I must agree with Melissa--I would do anything to keep my children with me...
> 
> Prayers and hugs for you all.


I have always gone by the adage that your children would rather be anywhere with you than anywhere without you. Buy a tent and go camping for a few months, look for a cheap place out of town even if you have to commute, look around for an old camper, I saw on recently advertised here for $200. Don't give up...


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## vicki in NW OH (May 10, 2002)

Try giving Catholic Charities a call.


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## Nellie (Oct 18, 2006)

First of all, go get those food stamps!!! That will HELP YOU!! You can eat nutritious food and be able to put the money elsewhere, where it's needed. I had to swallow my pride and get them last year. Do everything you can to keep your children with you... others have given you lots of ideas. My prayers are with you.


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## lemonthyme7 (Jul 8, 2010)

I'm a bit confused and please don't think I am being judgemental because I am not. You say you get 40 hrs week @ $10 hr and your DH brings home $900 every 2 weeks so that equals $3,400 gross and subtract approx 15% for taxes (maybe it should be more but you do have dependents) so about net $2,890. Now granted that is not a lot for a family but your rent (975), utilities (450) groceries (500) bus (400) and laundry (80) comes to $2,405 a month. Maybe there are other bills I don't know about but this should give you about a $485 cushion for extra a month because we all know that there are always extra costs. This is a tight budget to be sure but it seems like it should be doable. My DH is making $15 and hour and I am not working and we are paying for 2 households at the moment (temporary move for a job but keeping homestead and paying rent and mortage).
I wish you the best and hope that you can find a way to keep your family together. I know a move right now would seem like the last thing you want but there are areas of the country that would be much cheaper to live in and if you can't keep your family with you there it might be something you want to consider. Praying for you. (((HUGS)))

E.T.A. I second getting the food stamps! That would free up some money that you ususally have to use for groceries.


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## Helena (May 10, 2002)

Can you use a camp ground for the summer months with a tent or even just a tarp over you at night. I know camp grounds aren't cheap anymore but I think most will allow you to stay a month at a time. Knew a family that did this in AZ a few years back until they could get back on their feet. It scares me to think of you but all of us....are only 2 pay checks from being homeless too... Things are bad for families and most Americans do not realize it unless it happens to yourself.


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## prairiedog (Jan 18, 2007)

I think you make too much for food stamps. The amount you are allowed to earn and get them is real low.


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## Tiempo (May 22, 2008)

I'm not trying to pick on you either, just trying to get to the bottom of it. 

As Lemonthyme said, according to your numbers you should have a few hundred a month left over after all the basics are taken care of..not a lot, but surely enough to not be on the streets?

You also posted in December that your DH now gets full disability...is this VA disability? If so that's about $3k per month tax free...more with children.

Just trying to have it all make sense.


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## InvalidID (Feb 18, 2011)

Ok, time to think outside the box a little here. Clearly the standard way of operating isn't working out so stop doing it. I'll tell you what I'd do if it was me in your situation and you can take what's good and leave the rest.

1. Get on Foodstamps. Pride is nice when you can afford it, but a half a sandwich is worth a whole of pride. (Thanks Grandma for that little gem)
2. Sending the kids away for the summer might work ok, but treat it more like a summer adventure and less like something to be endured. Given a choice (any choice) I wouldn't send them away though.
3. A tent and a camp ground is better than a homeless shelter. Staying together as a family makes you stronger as a unit and has everyone working on the same goal. Even if they kids go with family for a month or two while you and hubby are camping and saving it's better that you are together.
4. Start looking for a cheap (I mean really cheap) RV or something. I've lived in VA before and I know you can find some pretty ugly but functional RVs for well under 1k. My sister just got one down near Harrisonburg for $750. It's not ideal digs but you'll own it. Even if money trouble hits again you'll have a home. ( I have a little money and do not feel in danger of losing my home yet I would NEVER get rid of my RV. It's like a life boat at sea in my eyes)
5. Most important thing is to keep your chin up and don't concern yourself so much with what other people say or tell you to do. Yes, that includes me.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Are you an RN? If so, you should be able to find a full time job in Maine. As others have suggested please don't give up custody of your children. If you give family members who do not like you guardianship you may never get them back. Have you looked for jobs or even shelters out where your family lives? Will anybody else take you in? 

Please try the suggestion somebody made about contacting people in North Dakota. Just trying to get some ideas..... Can you do laundry in the tub? Declare bankruptcy? It sounds like you're making too much money to get food stamps. Can you find a full time nursing job? I don't understand why you're making so little. When I last worked I brought home three times your salary and had great benefits. I live in an area where pay is much lower than it wold be in a large metropolitan area. 

I am very sorry you're going through all this. Have you considered placing the kids with local child services? You would be able to see them regularly and you may well have an easier time getting them back. 

Praying that this works out for you before you lose custody of your kids. Can you find a family shelter? Hmmm, just thought about something. If you're homeless here you can get emergency food stamps.


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## bluetogreens (May 31, 2010)

Come to Oklahoma, 5% unemployment rate and TONS of dod/state jobs with ABSOLUTE VETERANS PREFERENCE for hiring if you are rated at even a lowly 30% by the VA ( google oklahoma office of personnel management). As a current active duty guy, living on one income with 2 kids and one on the way I chose Oklahoma or Texas to retire to because of the jobs available and the way they take care of veterans. Now after having my hip replaced and starting the process to be medically retired I am researching ways to worse case scenario "live/survive" off of what my retirement pay will be and to be honest if i can make about 3K a month i could not only live but thrive to a small degree here. ( my 8 acres with a 2200 Sq ft 2004 model modular home on perm foundation 20 min away form Tinker AFB cost 120K) 

And every Job fair I go to, even where I am honest and let them know my disabilities
I get at least one call back, if not more, but i do not have a firm retirement date yet or clearance to even work from my doctor. 

If you are actually interested in moving out here and take some of the other advice and get an RV there is even an Air Force rv park here that is cheap, if you still have an id card.


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## goatlady (May 31, 2002)

Absolutely no point in getting food stamps now - no stove to cook on and no dishes to eat off of!


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## Chixarecute (Nov 19, 2004)

A lot can be bought with food stamps that needs a can opener.


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## Chixarecute (Nov 19, 2004)

http://www.dchunger.org/pdf/quick_food_stamp_screener09-10.pdf


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## GREENCOUNTYPETE (Jul 25, 2006)

goatlady said:


> Absolutely no point in getting food stamps now - no stove to cook on and no dishes to eat off of!




get the food stamps anyway... you can get a mess kit cheap and eat fruits and veggies raw if necessary.


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## InvalidID (Feb 18, 2011)

Indeed. Chef Boyardee isn't great, but it's food.


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## Common Tator (Feb 19, 2008)

I'll keep you and your family in your prayers.

Meanwhile, you are living in the nation's Mecca for high paid federal jobs. Visit USAJOBS - The Federal Government&rsquo;s Official Jobs Site.

Do either you re hubby have career status with the govt? Has he been at his grade level long enough to apply for a higher grade, even with another agency?

Edited to add: I just did a search for "nurse" int he DC area at the link above, and there are 2 pages of jobs for RN's. Are you an RN? If not, look for jobs with whatever skill you have.


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## SquashNut (Sep 25, 2005)

Your making a mistake seperating your family. work to keep every one together.
Your finances should have been able to cover what you owe each month. Sit down and figure it out over again till it works for you.


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## memajar (Dec 29, 2007)

I'm sorry but something doesn't sound right. Ex. We have a family of 5 my husband hasn't worked since the end of the year. We have $325 a week from unemployment and $900 from SSI for two of the kids. Our homestead payments is $1500. A month for 11 more years. Electric is around $60. A $150. Month for car insurance for 1 car and 1 truck.our feed bill including hay comes to around $200. A month. Yes we had savings and still do a little but our numbers come out to bring in $2200. A month with $1900. Coming out. It's close that leaves us about $300 to buy gas, groceries, and extras. We heat by wood and I'm a food border as my husband says no really we butchered a cow in Nov. have chickens, canned and stock up on sale items. Some months I take a little out of savings for sale things and my husband picks up extra hay for giving the farmer down the road help. Picked up 4 trees that came down last Sept. That man wanted cleaned up out of yard. Next winter start on wood. What I'm try to say is it can be done if you work together I would not send my kids away if still working I'd work out something.


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## Smalltowngirl (Mar 28, 2010)

If you have a lot of consumer/unsecured debts along with the necessary expenses of rent, food, utilities, try to negotiate the unsecured debts. Call the CC or loan departments and tell them the situation, asking for either a partial forgiveness or else reduced payments for maybe 6 mos until you can get back on your feet.


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## Sonshine (Jul 27, 2007)

goatlady said:


> Absolutely no point in getting food stamps now - no stove to cook on and no dishes to eat off of!


And unless things have changed, if you don't have electricity or a stove, they won't give you food stamps. I tried to get them one time, when I was homeless and living in my car. I didn't qualify, not because I made too much money because I didn't have a job and was pregnant, so no one would hire me, but because I didn't have a stove or electricity.


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## SquashNut (Sep 25, 2005)

2 of us are living on $500 a month. We own our house so that covers food, utilities internet and tv. 
We would live together in our car before we seperated.

if you cann't get food stamps look into food banks or kitchens.


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## SquashNut (Sep 25, 2005)

Sonshine said:


> And unless things have changed, if you don't have electricity or a stove, they won't give you food stamps. I tried to get them one time, when I was homeless and living in my car. I didn't qualify, not because I made too much money because I didn't have a job and was pregnant, so no one would hire me, but because I didn't have a stove or electricity.


I am sure that has changed. And some places allow you to buy prepared food from the grocery store deli now.


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## Tricky Grama (Oct 7, 2006)

I am so sorry, prayers & good thoughts for something to happen, this is terrible.

Patty


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## olivehill (Aug 17, 2009)

I can't even imagine having to send my kids off. You and your family are in my thoughts. You've gotten some great advice here. I hope some of it pans out for you.


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## Nomad (Dec 19, 2002)

I see some people are recommending moving. If someone has any amount of furniture or possessions, it is very costly to move. If money is an issue and there is none, a move wouldn't be possible. I don't know what the limit is to be able to get food stamps there, but since our family of four has a monthly income that is at 90% of the poverty level, we can't qualify here in Ohio. Your income is a good bit above ours, but I see the cost of living is way higher there as well. I hope you will find a solution, and I really wish your family could all stay together.

Nomad


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## SquashNut (Sep 25, 2005)

Nomad said:


> I see some people are recommending moving. If someone has any amount of furniture or possessions, it is very costly to move. If money is an issue and there is none, a move wouldn't be possible. I don't know what the limit is to be able to get food stamps there, but since our family of four has a monthly income that is at 90% of the poverty level, we can't qualify here in Ohio. Your income is a good bit above ours, but I see the cost of living is way higher there as well. I hope you will find a solution, and I really wish your family could all stay together.
> 
> Nomad


Sell it all, have a yard sale. None of it matters compared to keeping a family together.

When you get where your going start collecting house hold goods over again. Maybe keep a couple of changes of clothes each and a few pictures and important papers.


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## jbowyer01 (Aug 4, 2008)

If your a nurse I know there are tons of nursing jobs in Georgia (or at least the southwest part). Rent is much lower also and cost of living. Prayers being sent your way.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Sonshine said:


> And unless things have changed, if you don't have electricity or a stove, they won't give you food stamps.


Homelessness (including staying with friends) puts you on the fast track for food stamps around here. That also gives your kids free school meals (lunch and breakfast).



Nomad said:


> I see some people are recommending moving. If someone has any amount of furniture or possessions, it is very costly to move. If money is an issue and there is none, a move wouldn't be possible. I don't know what the limit is to be able to get food stamps there, but since our family of four has a monthly income that is at 90% of the poverty level, we can't qualify here in Ohio.


It sounds like the OP's family is losing their possessions if the sheriff's office is forcing them out so there won't be possessions to move. Without rent for a couple weeks you should have enough money for a bus trip. 

OP, did you file for bankruptcy?


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## InvalidID (Feb 18, 2011)

That's another thought. Have you put an ad on craigslist: leeds classifieds for jobs, apartments, personals, for sale, services, community, and events to sell everything you own? Better to get a few bucks for stuff you've paid for than have it thrown in the trash.

Another question. Is most of the stuff you have rent to own type stuff? It seems to me you should have been able to cover at least rent with the money you make so there has to be an expense(s) that aren't listed.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

My heart breaks for you...I know this must be tough.

If you think that the Sheriff is really coming Thursday to have you removed from the property:

Start packing your stuff in boxes.

Start with the most valuable stuff first, and then the stuff that is most important.

*Family pictures, jewelry, family heirlooms, tools, guns, gift cards, cameras, phones, etc. 

Get a box for each room, and pull the valuable/high priority stuff out of that room and put it in the box. Rinse and repeat.

If you really think the Sheriff is going to remove you while he waits, have all those boxes stacked up at the door, so you can get them out in just a few minutes.

In some areas, the Sheriff will give you _some_ time, whether it be a day or 5 hours, in other cities, there are reports that the Sheriff is only giving 20 minutes at most. Sometimes, though, they say they will be there on Thursday, but they might not make it until Monday.

Get your best stuff ready to move.

Praying for you and your situation.


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## Coco (Jun 8, 2007)

Sending a big prayer for your family. I hope things will look better for you shortly.


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## WV Farm girl (Nov 26, 2011)

Guess I'm a little confused as well. Based on pay that was stated that should around $3k a month take home. Stated expenses are somewhere around $2400. Sure there are other debts but when I was struggling first thing I paid monthly was rent. If the op is being evicted then rent hasn't been paid in a while so where did the 975 go?
Hope you the best, but $ mgmt skills might need worked on.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

White Christmas, gentle hugs!!!!!!

In the 1980's we came to Kansas because there was work here. We did not want to move we had to move. This is not my first bad recession it is my third, and I have learned the HARD way that the typical way of handling money might not be enough when the work is erratic and hard to find.

That being said, I wish you had asked for advice earlier! Washington DC is NOTED for being an expensive area to live in, but there are people on this forum who could have talked you into financial solvency. I am now good at handling money because of the hard times that I have seen but now Iam dong better. There are people here who do extreme couponing and who are willing to talk you through it.There are also folks here who can whip up workable buget that Dave Ramsey would envy!

Life can be hard, and while I am trying to teach my kids the money lessons that I have learned the hard way they do not take me seriously and I worry that they will repeat my mistakes. 

I am more sorry than I can say that your family is having to split up, and I devoutly hope that you will all be together by the end of the summer!


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## renee o'neill (May 10, 2002)

I can offer you a tent, a storage shed and help.I live about 1 and 1/2 hr from DC.I feel for you we are still hoping we can keep our farm.email me [email protected] We have 5 kids so a few more wont matter please keep your kids with you.


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## suzyhomemaker09 (Sep 24, 2004)

This whole story seems fishy....
everyone seems to be quick to offer consolation...if I'm wrong please accept my most heartfelt apologies.
2=2 do not = 5....
Math is all wrong in posts....
There has to be something missing.


Yes..I'm a bad guy...


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## tiffnzacsmom (Jan 26, 2006)

Greenbelt National Park can always use camp hosts, pitch a tent and stay a few weeks for free. Then figure out what you did with your money, the math doesn't add up.


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## SquashNut (Sep 25, 2005)

I am afraid there is going to be many more stories like this over the next summer.
Most all of us are having a hard time of it. Not much any one can say about it. But no one in any position to help much either, as much as we would like to.


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## Common Tator (Feb 19, 2008)

You might want to look into becoming an apartment manager. You should be able to get free rent by doing that, and keep your family together,


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

suzyhomemaker09 said:


> This whole story seems fishy....
> everyone seems to be quick to offer consolation...if I'm wrong please accept my most heartfelt apologies.
> 2=2 do not = 5....
> Math is all wrong in posts....
> ...


Actually, the math DOES add up, if she used a credit card to pay for things like school clothes. Those charges add up: it took us years to pay off ours after we both found work again. 

I now could do things better, but back then I could NOT! I went with the very common middle class practice of buyig what I felt I needed, and then paying for everything. This worked well for years because I have modest desires. At the time I had no realization of such things as saving on gas by combining trips, saving on utilities by putting a timer on the water heater, phantom loads, figuring on a monthly clothing allowance instead of shopping for them every few months, keeping an emergency fund, and so forth. So, when the jobs dried up and my hours were cut I ran up the credit cards in order to keep food on the table. 

I suspect that the OP did the same.


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## Tiempo (May 22, 2008)

Terri said:


> Actually, the math DOES add up, if she used a credit card to pay for things like school clothes. Those charges add up: it took us years to pay off ours after we both found work again.
> 
> I now could do things better, but back then I could NOT! I went with the very common middle class practice of buyig what I felt I needed, and then paying for everything. This worked well for years because I have modest desires. At the time I had no realization of such things as saving on gas by combining trips, saving on utilities by putting a timer on the water heater, phantom loads, figuring on a monthly clothing allowance instead of shopping for them every few months, keeping an emergency fund, and so forth. So, when the jobs dried up and my hours were cut I ran up the credit cards in order to keep food on the table.
> 
> I suspect that the OP did the same.


But the OP has also stated (in December) that her husband qualified for full disability benefits. 

If this is from the VA it amounts to about $3k per month, tax free on top of the $1800 take home he has from his job. 

If it's SSDI, he shouldn't be working, no? Unless he got better and is no longer on SSDI?

IDK, I'm sorry, but this whole thing seems weird.


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## InvalidID (Feb 18, 2011)

Random Fake Voice in The Crowd said:


> I think InvalidID gave the best advice, you should do what he said!





Another Random Voice that sounds strangely like InvalidID's said:


> Yeah, me too! That's one smart guy!


 What? Why thank you random voices in the crowd. I do what I can...



(Note: Just thought a little humor was needed to lighten the mood a little, please delete if inappropriate)


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

Here are some of the things I would do. Some have mentioned them. 

With a steady income I would....go and buy a tent. Or rent a cheap motel room. Perhaps find an old farmhouse and see who owns it and if they would let you stay or pay a little bit of rent. 

Sell all that can be replaced at a later date but not the things you have to survive on. This does not include ipads, computers, etc.

It is summer time. Not having electricity is doable, water can be sought out. You just become creative is all. Been there, done that. Actually, it is kinda fun ironically to be challenged like that and a nice surprise that you/family can do it! Not to mention, appreciation to the ultimate simpler things. Which actually has more value especially after you have lived it. 

This is when circumstance takes a back seat and "mettle" takes control.


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## emdeengee (Apr 20, 2010)

We have always had all the camping gear we would need if we lost our home or had to leave in an emergency. It is packed in water tight boxes and maintained. We would camp out or sleep in the van before we would separate.


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## Harry Chickpea (Dec 19, 2008)

"Ulitlies here are $450 a month gas/electirc "

Uhhh, we have a relative outside of Washington D.C. and we're always stunned at how LOW her utility bills are - along the lines of $25/mo for a two story HOUSE electric bill and next to no gas bill except in winter.

As others have said, something doesn't add up. In times of stress, that can happen. My only advice would be to find someone local to act as an advocate and help sort things out.


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## renee o'neill (May 10, 2002)

umm I live in maryland north part my electric runs 150 a month and we only use it for lights a freezer and the well,stove and dryer are propane.phone ,tv and internet 100.00 a month.We only use wood for heat and a cord of oak is now close to 200.00.Rent up here is easily 1000.00 a month for a ran down farm house.2 bedroom apartment in town 1,200+.We looked outside of the state and were shocked how cheap other places are.If we can keep our farm we will be stuck for along time since nothing is selling here.Family of 7 we send 200.00 a week on food but we have a garden and use to raise cows,sheep and hogs.Its tough near the DC/new york area.


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## KrisD (May 26, 2011)

Here is an offer for you. See is social services will get you all bus tickets. Move out here and stay in a tent at my place. You can help around the house instead of paying rent ( my lawn is dang near a foot high). I will take you to the food bank and I will share veggies out of my garden. You can live off of hubs disability checks until you find jobs that pay enough to get a place of your own. I do have a barn that needs some work but it could put a roof over your head. I have dairy goats so you would have milk for your family. I also have rabbits so you can have some meat/protein. I need the help anyway as my husband is deployed and I just tore my rotator cuff. I have some camping equipment including a tent you can use. There is plenty of wood for a camp fire and you can even use my kitchen for cooking and my shower for cleaning up. You can then save ALL your money and can get back on your feet and your family can stay together and I can have some help with the lawn and feeding animals and such.


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## [email protected] (Feb 24, 2005)

It's obvious the utilities are the problem they nearly doubled in the op's 12th and 13th posts! That is a huge jump in only 7 minutes.


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## Ruby (May 10, 2002)

Please check in to North Dakota. They are HURTING for employees there. I saw a news peice where Taco Bell was paying 15.00 an hour. If you are a nurse or security guard you shouldn't have any problems finding work there. They are having an oil boom, and lots of the companies will furnish lodgings.

I would NOT let my children go where I'm not welcome. You will be loosing them forever. Please rethink this.


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## ronbre (Apr 26, 2009)

what state are you in, wish I had some way to help


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## Sawmill Jim (Dec 5, 2008)

Son works in DC lives in Arlington Virginia his rent is $3,000 month don't know about the other bills . :runforhills:


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

3 grand is nuts. 

There is a couple that lives in an RV not far from my house. They have been there for years. You never really see them. The male of the couple walks a quarter of a mile away from the rv to catch the bus so no one will see him. The guy works laying wood floors.

This thread is making me think I might need to look into a second hand RV or a van just incase I end up homeless.


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## Shygal (May 26, 2003)

This does NOT add up.

For goodness sake, do NOT let your children go!!!! If you arent welcome at your own family during a crisis like this, if your own family wont let YOU go with your own children, do NOT let them go there!

It DOESNT add up. Utilities are 450 in one post, then 800 in another post, I don't know what they are running for electric but unplug stuff, shut the computer off, get rid of internet, its obvious you haven't paid the rent in a long time, not just this month. 

Do laundry in the bathtub. Go to the food bank. Since when does a veteran go to a mens homeless shelter and his wife to a womans shelter? 

Something isnt being completely told here. But there is no way in hell my kids would be anywhere but with me. They HAVE women and childrens shelters.


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## Big Dave (Feb 5, 2006)

Pack you and family and find a new life. Why are you staying in a bad situation? One foot in front of the other. You have already lost your material possessions. Take your skills you family and find a better situation. I lived in a car with my 6 year old daughter but I never left her. It messes up their thinking to be farmed out. Reconsider and just move.


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## Melissa (Apr 15, 2002)

Before we get too crazy here, I was wondering if the electric and gas are each about $450 a month? I think that is an impossibly high amount but it is one option. 

As others have said, do whatever you have to do to keep your family together... It is really important.


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## MollysMom (Apr 20, 2010)

What happened to the OP? Suddenly she is very quiet.


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## KrisD (May 26, 2011)

You have to remember they have school clothes and school lunches, hair cuts so people can have jobs things add up fast and they are in a very expensive area of the country. I think the poster said utilities were $450, she said $800 for just the basics to me that means food, utilities, bus passes, food, etc.
if she can get bus passes I have a real offer for her and her family to stay together and live rent free until they get back on their feet. I really could use some help around here as it is just me and my young son and I only have one arm to use. Her whole family can stay together. I don't know how old her kids are but we have a great elementary school within walking distantence from my house.


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## KrisD (May 26, 2011)

She is borrowing someone's Internet so it may not be easy to get back on line.


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## Melissa (Apr 15, 2002)

Yes, let's just figure this is someone in a bad situation, not that they are lying. Sometimes things just happen that put people in dire straights financially...


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## Queen Bee (Apr 7, 2004)

We have a nephew who lives in that area..he pays 500$ electric monthly--his rent was 1800$ before he purchased his house for $500,000.00 (same house would sell for 175,000 or less here). Crazy at the prices there..


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## DebM (Dec 6, 2005)

I was wondering how old the kids are? Mine started working at 14, which wasn't easy being out in the country. They bought their own school lunches and clothes at the thrift stores and school supplies. Babysitting was an option at 12 but then it was an area where everybody knew everybody, not a metro area....


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

I'd like to chime in about my experiences while living in the DC area. This was about 16 years ago. My rent was $800 a month for a two bedroom townhouse...it was the least expensive place I could find. I had a car payment, two kids to raise (with very little and very sporadic child support) plus utilities, etc. No internet or even cable TV. I was working two jobs...one as a part time mail carrier and one part time reporter job for a local newspaper. 

I ended up sending my son back to Alabama to live with my parents. He was miserable in VA and bullied terribly. The school psychologist recommended sending him back to Alabama. She even told me it was not something she ever dreamed of recommending to a family, but felt it best for him. That was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.

I couldn't make it. Despite using coupons and growing veggies in our tiny back yard during the summer, despite buying gas just for work (had to pay for my own gas to deliver mail and use my own car until my mom brought me my old mail jeep from Alabama when my car started falling apart), despite not having any "frills" like cable TV, etc. I couldn't make ends meet. 

The kids helped out as much as 12 and 13 year olds can. My daughter babysat and pet sat for neighbors and my son worked for our next door neighbor when he needed a helping hand (he was a self-employed carpenter). My son even worked at the newspaper one week when the receptionist was on vacation! 

Our motto was "we'll buy groceries when we're down to weenies and water" and there were times we did exactly that! 

I tried to get assistance, but my newer model car (yes, the one that I wore out delivering mail) disqualified me from any assistance. I found Northern Virginia to be very "anti-poor" and very cold in their attitude toward the less fortunate.

In the end, if my parents hadn't helped me move back home and let us live with them until I got back on my feet, I would have ended up homeless and without my kids. I'm very fortunate that my family would never let that happen to me and the kids.

Unless you've been in such a situation, it's hard to comprehend how a person can get to that point. My heart goes out to the OP. I hope she will be able to keep her famiy together, learn from this experience and begin to build a better future for herself and her family.


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## Coco (Jun 8, 2007)

Thanks for the story Ravenlost, as to some it's hard to imagine what it is like to try to make ends meet. 

I'm starting to feel real bad for the op she has a great burden and we should not judge her, we should offer her prayers and advice, I must say some are not good at math and when under stress she may have made a mistake on her figures, IF she is loosing everything and needs to send her children away would you think clearly ??

She asked for us to pray for her, and thats what I will do without judgment, She needs us as a group, and needs some help.
Please don't criticize her , 

God bless and keep on giving her positive things to look for.


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## Tiempo (May 22, 2008)

My intent was not to judge, but to clarify, the OP's posts are confusing and it's hard to offer advice without a clear picture of what is going on.

I agree with all those who advise NOT to break up the family and to do whatever it takes to stay together.


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## Common Tator (Feb 19, 2008)

We get unplanned expenses all the time. Unplanned dental or doctor bills. Just today I had to replace a car battery. I'll need a plumber as soon as hubby gets paid.

Don't be too hard on the OP. These things happen to everybody.


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## whiskeylivewire (May 27, 2009)

I live in a 16X80 trailer and last summer we regularly had 400 dollar electric bills (trailer is all electric). The bill this winter went that high as well. We even took advantage of the low income help of having the thing "weather proofed" or whatever and it didn't help. I'll just start another thread about ideas to make it less.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

It's hard to be clear when you're frantic with fear. Please, OP, get in touch with Kris.


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## ELOCN (Jun 13, 2004)

White Christmas, I am so sorry that you and your family are struggling with financial issues. I am saying a prayer for all of you.


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## twomeal (Dec 3, 2010)

Let's say OP's husband is getting those full vet bennies at around 3k per month. Here is an option:

Quit both of your jobs and leave the most expensive place in America to live. Move somewhere, like Boyle County, Kentucky, where you can rent a 3 bedroom house in a wonderful neighborhood for less than $500 a month. Utilities never more than $100-150.

I can not understand how a family can not make it on $3000 a month, if you look at all of your options. Even if you have a car payment, credit card debt, etc etc. I mean minimum payments and bankruptcy are a great option.


I have been in situations where we had ZERO INCOME and we figured it out. I simply can not be sympathetic here. Open your eyes to some possibilities.


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## Kazahleenah (Nov 3, 2004)

I'd take the next check(s) and get the heck out of dodge!
There are many cheaper places to live. I would NEVER seperate from my kids.
If you can't "make it" there, why do you insist on staying in that area?


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## Bandit (Oct 5, 2008)

Not to judge , But I found reading ALL of the OP post interesting


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## Rick (May 10, 2002)

Kazahleenah said:


> I'd take the next check(s) and get the heck out of dodge!
> There are many cheaper places to live. I would NEVER seperate from my kids.
> If you can't "make it" there, why do you insist on staying in that area?


I would hesitate to send my kids to my folks who would not take me in as well.


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## MDKatie (Dec 13, 2010)

renee o'neill said:


> umm I live in maryland north part my electric runs 150 a month and we only use it for lights a freezer and the well,stove and dryer are propane.phone ,tv and internet 100.00 a month.We only use wood for heat and a cord of oak is now close to 200.00.Rent up here is easily 1000.00 a month for a ran down farm house.2 bedroom apartment in town 1,200+.We looked outside of the state and were shocked how cheap other places are.If we can keep our farm we will be stuck for along time since nothing is selling here.Family of 7 we send 200.00 a week on food but we have a garden and use to raise cows,sheep and hogs.Its tough near the DC/new york area.


I live on the Eastern Shore of MD and even though it's still considered the "cheap" place to live in MD, 1 bdrm apts are going for no less than about $800/mo. We bought a small cape cod, and I was estatic because this month's electric bills was only $117. Usually it runs about $200/mo, and we're fairly conservative with electricity. Winters are worse, and two winters ago when it was so cold and snowy we paid out the wazoo (thank to having only a heat pump). Utilities can definitely be expensive around here.


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## Rick (May 10, 2002)

WhiteChristmas said:


> To those who are wondering what happened to us, we moved to Washington,Dc for a job for the husband and work as a part time nurse/security guard for me. After barely surving these three months. We are being put put out Thursday and my kids are going to my family{ I'm not welcome there but they are} in Maine. and my husband to a men's shelter and I'm hpoing they got a spot for me at the woman's shelter. my heart is broken. We've struggled and over came alot in ten years since we left the Navy. Now where we started is ending us. I've got interenet til Thursday when the sheriff puts us out. and then spotty at best.
> 
> love angel


Are you positive the Sheriff will put you out Thursday? Unless PG is drastically different than Baltimore, you haven't missed enough payments for eviction.

Please take the kids to KrisD's even if Hubby refuses to leave that job and come too. No room for pride here.


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## Rick (May 10, 2002)

[email protected] said:


> It's obvious the utilities are the problem they nearly doubled in the op's 12th and 13th posts! That is a huge jump in only 7 minutes.


Please note it says $800 for basics.



WhiteChristmas said:


> Social Servies here laughed at us, told me if the husband and I have jobs we just need to pay rent and suck it up. LOL, suck it up. We're living on raman nodles and 1.75 packages of pounded flat chicken from EverSave. So social services answer for us was to sit in the dark don't cook, have no water and alll that. Nice, it's the ultitles that are killers here. *Almost $800 a month for the basics.* Waiting for a call from the VA I borrowed a phone from the womans'shleter to make calls.


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## renee o'neill (May 10, 2002)

Please dont judge,till you walk in her shoes.I have come so close it scares me.My husband is bringing now close to 5,000 a month and we just make it.Before the whole house thing started we made 3,200 a month and just about lost everything.What we could sell we did,all the livestock{not the mule or chickens}but we sold the camper, jewelry and lots of antiques.We had the hardest talk with the girls ever and laid it on the line,we may have to leave and just go.It sounds easy but till you are dealing with it its hard.It costs money to move and giving up everything is worst.We had to talk about putting down pets since they are not adoptable,selling things that have been passed down for years and saying good bye to friends we have had for life.We dont live the typical lifestyle of the area,we dont have new cars,video games,vacation homes and such we are the poor of the area.
While trying to figure out life I looked in other areas south of here and realized how expensive of an area we live.We are stuck for now and so be it,for what we pay for the house alone {and its cheap for here}we could own lot bigger place paid in full in a few years but we would have to walk away from our house.
Sit back and look around you ,how would feel if you knew any day you had to go w/ nothing but what you can carry would you want people questioning you or would you want a kind word and prayers?


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## TxHorseMom (Feb 21, 2011)

I have no advise....only prayers.


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## jamala (May 4, 2007)

No advice other than try to keep your family together and I will be praying for you.


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

Md is very expensive. I used to live there.

I am sorry you are having trouble.


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## PaulNKS (Jan 11, 2009)

I am so sorry to hear this as well. The most important thing is keeping your family together.

We have several farms. The one where the homestead is, is 160 acres of rolling hills, timber pasture, etc. Get here and you can "camp" here until you get on your feet. Help with work about 10 hours per week. Help in the garden and it will feed all of us, or plant your own. It's not too late. I don't know how plentiful jobs are, but rent and utilities are nothing compared to where you are. 

If you're interested, I'll PM my phone number to you if you have access or a way to call and talk about it.

It would be better to move and start a new life than to send kids to a family that doesn't allow you. It's bad enough separating the kids, but to family that has that attitude? Don't do it. Take one of us up on our offer.


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## nodak3 (Feb 5, 2003)

Many years ago we were transferred (paid move) to a boomtown with promise of a raise to meet boomtown prices. Raise never came.

Our meat that year was snowshoe hare.

Fortunately I had a lot of frozen and canned goods from the year before.

But we also had friends that had lived in Ohio with their 5 kids.

They had been out of work so long all benefits were gone and still couldn't find work.

Social services agreed to pay for 7 bus tickets to Wyoming where the boom was. Agreed to pay for 1 suitcase or box per person to be shipped.

They paired down to almost nothing and took the deal. Day they landed in town they found work at a local motel that included housing. Later he got a better job driving truck and she continued at the motel.

Not only did they survive, they thrived.

Hard? YOU BETTER BETCHA!

Within a year they had vehicle, better digs, nicer clothing, had acquired furniture by garage saling, and were doing fine.

Sometimes life just stinks. It really does. We need a moment to acknowledge that and get some prayer cover, which I hope all of us are giving the OP.

And then we need to sit down, look at all the choices, and MAKE ONE cause John Wayne isn't gonna be riding to the rescue.

Maybe the OP needs to send the kids and adults go into shelters. Maybe they need to find a way to make things work where they are. Maybe they need to move.

We suggest, they decide.

But whatever the decision is, it is going to be hard and take a huge helping of gumption to come out good on the other side.

Pray for the situation, yes, but pray also strength and wisdom and courage and fortitude for the whole family.


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## Oat Bucket Farm (Jul 28, 2006)

I'm sorry, I have been down at the bottom. Hubby and I lived in a full sized van with two kids and a cat. We worked our tails off to climb out of that. Yes there is food you can buy on food stamps that doesn't require a stove. I know. Been there, done that, have the t-shirt. 

You don't separate your family. You do whatever it takes to stay together. Period. If you are making that much money (and yes, to me that seems like riches) and you can't make it there. Then you take all of the money you were putting into the bills you no longer have, tell the credit cards to kiss your rear for now, you pack yourself, your hubby, and your kids into a car or on a bus, and you get yourself someplace that is cheaper so you can make it.


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## [email protected] (Feb 24, 2005)

Rick said:


> Please note it says $800 for basics.



The DC area has some of the highest housing costs I have heard of so I do not doubt it is expensive to live there. But the numbers for basics (not including housing) are off. If "basics" include utilities, food, bus passes, and more it would be much higher than $800. the op said 125 per week for food plus 200 a month for bus passes, that alone adds up to $700. Add in $450 utilities and the numbers would be much higher. The op said groceries are $125 a week and they have been living on ramen and cheap chicken. that is roughly twenty-five dollars a week more than my family of 5-6 spends on food three meals a day and we eat very well, ramen is not a regular part of our diet. coupons are scarce here and are mostly for junk food so I seldom use them. I've looked at grocery ads for that area and the prices are the same or cheaper there. I'm not trying to say anything against the op or that she is lying, I don't know where people got that impression, but the numbers are certainly off somewhere.

I think the person who offered the op and her family is very kind and generous but I do hope she is careful, inviting someone you know very well to live with you or on your land can turn into a bad situation quickly. Hoping for farm help from someone on disability may not turn out well as the disabled person likely can't do physically difficult jobs either. 

For the op it would be a wonderful opportunity to keep the family together and like many others I would never separate the family. I hope they find a way to stay together and move somewhere more affordable. Best wishes to your family.


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## Dusky Beauty (Jan 4, 2012)

Hopefully she makes it back to check messages and see she has options before the die is cast. 

Washington State or Kansas seem like much better places to be to keep the family together-- In the pacific Northwest, Washington has a pretty good reputation for having social services available to the needy-- and it's darn pretty with lots of space. Not a bad corner of the country for little farms.
It's a shame that you couldn't get ahold of the OP through the neighbor's IP address. It would have to be done through law enforcement and I doubt they would be willing to help play messenger.


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## Melissa (Apr 15, 2002)

She was logged in early this morning, so has had a chance to read at least some of the messages.


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## Susan (Jun 29, 2008)

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, Let Go and Let God, He will see you thru this......wish i could offer more help


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## Windgefluester (Apr 10, 2011)

i feel really sorry for white christmas ...
my heart brokes for her! She lost everything whats importan in live! FAMILIE!  thats makes me sad!
i hope they can stay together soon!


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## strawberrygirl (Feb 11, 2009)

Praying for you and your family WC. Just remember that whatever happens (in life) doesn't define you, it's how you handle it. 

SG


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## Common Tator (Feb 19, 2008)

White Christmas, you have a lot of folks here praying for you, and very concerned for you and your family. Please check back in and let us know what is happening.

Edited to add: Lots of public libraries offer free internet. You might consider visiting one every few days to keep in touch with loved ones, but possibly more importantly, it is invaluable in a job search and for looking for living arrangements and other opportunities that may come your way.


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## SageLady (Jun 10, 2008)

White Christmas - are you ok? Praying for you and your family.


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## unregistered65598 (Oct 4, 2010)

SageLady said:


> White Christmas - are you ok? Praying for you and your family.


X2 thinking of you and hoping you and your family are ok.


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## unregistered65598 (Oct 4, 2010)

Has anyone heard from WhiteChristmas? Was just thibking about her and her family.


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## Big Dave (Feb 5, 2006)

Hey if I recall you were lamenting this several months ago. So now your world is more shaken than it was. I feel for your children. I may SEEM QUITE HARD HERE BUT MOVE. I was in a simular situation and let me tell you being separated from your kids is tough. You live in a free country and if you remain well it will only get worse. I left my situation and it startedto get better the minute I took that first step. Hubby don't want to go OH well. I wish the best for you and will hope you come to your senses if in fact you are a real person????


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## dancingfatcat (Jan 1, 2008)

Hoax???


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## Nature_Lover (Feb 6, 2005)

She hasn't been here since May, I was wondering about her family, too.
I hope they pulled it all together.


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## Melissa (Apr 15, 2002)

I doubt it was a hoax. She had been a member here for a good while. Hopefully she was able to find a workable solution and will come back someday and let us know how the family is doing. The best we can do at this point is pray for the family. And in her honor, look around and see if there is a local family struggling. Sometimes people don't even need money, but just a bit of understanding, or a meal, or clothing. We can all do something...


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## Jan in CO (May 10, 2002)

I too was wondering how things worked out for them. I hope they were able to stay together and are getting back on their feet. The old saying 'There but for the grace of God, go I' wasn't said for nothing. Any one of us can have a reversal in our circumstances at any time. Help those that you are able to.


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## pamda (Oct 14, 2004)

The Salvation Army has a family shelter here,so people can stay together. I hope she contacted them there for help. Darn, wish I has seen this earlier.


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## Rick (May 10, 2002)

Jan in CO said:


> I too was wondering how things worked out for them. I hope they were able to stay together and are getting back on their feet. The old saying 'There but for the grace of God, go I' wasn't said for nothing. Any one of us can have a reversal in our circumstances at any time. Help those that you are able to.


I have seen her on other threads lately, so things may be looking up.

Perhaps she will update those of us who responded to her post.


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## jwal10 (Jun 5, 2010)

http://www.homesteadingtoday.com/co...stmas-card-exchange-2012-a-2.html#post6207440


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## lordoftheweeds (Dec 27, 2012)

I don't live too far from DC in Maryland, believe me that it is very easy not to be able to survive on 3 grand a month in this area.


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## SageLady (Jun 10, 2008)

She has posted recently in the Pet Forum and here in the last few days....


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## foxtrapper (Dec 23, 2003)

Mmmhmm. Talking about buying land and looking for a dog and getting fancy purses and the like.


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## SageLady (Jun 10, 2008)

foxtrapper said:


> Mmmhmm. Talking about buying land and looking for a dog and getting fancy purses and the like.


Well, definitely sounds like she is doing better, which is good! But so many here were very worried about her, including me, and it would be nice to have an update from her on her life now, but I guess that is up to her....


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## fantasymaker (Aug 28, 2005)

She posted this in the Chrismas card exchange.



WhiteChristmas said:


> Finally on my feet and actually doing well. would love to be apart this year. Angel


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## ronbre (Apr 26, 2009)

talk to walmart and sam's club, they have vowed to hire 100,000 veterans..and they are quite helpful if you are in need..

also there are some other sources, social services might have lists..food banks helped us a lot when we had needs.


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## sandc (Apr 26, 2010)

I have been through a couple of rough patches in my life that had me down to sleeping in the cab of my ford ranger at night until I could get a couple of paychecks under my belt to get my head above water.

They are places I don't like to go back and dwell on. Once was through no fault of my own and two were a series of decisions I made. I can understand and respect that she is doing better now and if she doesn't want to come back and dwell on her lows. 

We all know how fast things can go wrong and you can hit bottom. The rise out of that slump can be just as fast for some.


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