# Wwhtd?



## FeralFemale (Apr 10, 2006)

What would Homesteading Today do?

To be honest, I already sort of know the answer, and I am prepared to get flamed, so flame away.

My father and I are estranged. The last time I saw him was at my wedding. I invited him as a guest because I was hanging on to the small, slim sliver of chance that we may reconcile one day and did not want to regret not inviting him. (His behavior at the wedding that day, though, made me regret inviting him.)

I can't get into the whole story behind why we are estranged without taking up many, many pages of GC. The short version would be:

There were many years of being a bad father and all around bad person, in general. He took off with his girlfriend one day (after years of infidelity against my mother) without a single word to anyone where he went. I didn't hear from him for years. I reconciled long ago, painful though it was, the fact that my father wanted nothing to do with me. Just when I was ok with that he got back in touch when he found out I was graduating from law school (He is, among other things, a money grubber/thief/liar/etc. It was obvious the only reason he called me was because he thought I would be a source of money.) The day he first called to get back in touch, he would not acknowledge the many things he had done. All he had was a back handed, half hearted, insincere apology...all the worse because I knew why he wanted to reconnect.

In the years since that first contact he has sent me greeting cards for birthdays and holidays, often with a money order (he can't have a checking account) for 50 bucks. I would throw out the cards and the check. I didn't want his money, and I figured he needed it more than I did.

He sent me a card recently with a check for... well, for 5 figures. He came into some money, I guess.

The figure is so large, I can't help but think how much we could use the money. I still have student loans, etc. It is large enough I find my resolve disintigrating. We don't need the money. I could tear up the check and it wouldn't matter. But it is so much...

Now, this is where I am being honest. I really want someone to talk me into taking the money. I wish I could say $&%@&$ him, deposit the check, and have not even a bit of guilt....except that there is a very significant part of me that cannot bring myself to take anything from this man. It has been so long, and he is so toxic, I don't want or need a relationship with him which I am sure this money is tied to.

Would you take the money? I have spoken to a few friends and they all say I am stupid for not taking it, money is money and all that. Dh says it is up to me, but I know he thinks we should. 

Ok, go ahead and tell me what an awful person I am....


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## tiffnzacsmom (Jan 26, 2006)

I would take the money, as to the money orders once he bought them the money was gone so it didn't matter what you did with them he wasn't getting that money back. My father was out of my life for many years and I am still very leary of letting him into my life on a personal level. I was in a situation where he ended up purchasing this house for me but it was blood money and I hate it but I had to put my children above my principals.


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## FeralFemale (Apr 10, 2006)

tiffnzacsmom said:


> I would take the money, *as to the money orders once he bought them the money was gone so it didn't matter what you did with them he wasn't getting that money back. * My father was out of my life for many years and I am still very leary of letting him into my life on a personal level. I was in a situation where he ended up purchasing this house for me but it was blood money and I hate it but I had to put my children above my principals.


I can't believe I didn't think of that. Goes to show I don't have a clear head when thinking about him, I guess.


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## Cornhusker (Mar 20, 2003)

You could take the money and donate it to a worthy cause if it bothers you.
Gotta do what you won't regret later.


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## Txsteader (Aug 22, 2005)

Maybe it's his way of trying to make up to you for being such a lousy father. :shrug: I know, you can't buy love and all that, but it may be the only way he knows how to make amends.

As to whether you should accept the money, well, me personally, unless I was willing to forgive him, I'd turn it down. Otherwise, (again, this is JMO) I'd sorta feel like I was allowing myself to be bought off, if that makes any sense. IOW, he may think you're acceptance is done in forgiveness, when actually it's not. And then again, he may not care one way or the other.

Is that clear as mud?


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## Gercarson (Nov 2, 2003)

Wow - I'm impressed that your dh says it's up to you with that amount of money. You are a lucky little FeralFemale there.
I wish I had some wonderful advice, but you're pretty independent and just need a little encouragement to take the money. So, think of getting rid of those student loans and what a load off you that would be. Think too, that your father IS trying to make a connection and that he must think a great deal of you to share this new found stash of cash. 
I would thank him for the money - and if you need to, let him know that it is money that is long past due, that it won't buy the lost relationship, it won't smooth things over between the two of you, but it is the money he should have used to give you the education the loans got you in the first place. Take the dollars and try, try really hard to let it be a peaceful thing for you.


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## whiskeylivewire (May 27, 2009)

You have to do what you can live with. I like CornHusker's idea as well. It sounds like your father doesn't know how to relate to you on a personal level. Maybe this is the only way he can show his remorse? I don't know, just a thought I had. Good luck with your decision!


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## fordy (Sep 13, 2003)

..............I think you feel like he is trying to "Buy" your forgiveness , when , WHAT , you really want is for him too tell you he is Sorry , and that he Loves You as His daughter and he is Very proud of your Academic Achievement ! 
..............Take the money , forgiveness is a healing experience , whereas hate and residual animosity will consume your soul over time . Merry Christmas , fordy


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## PAcountry (Jun 29, 2007)

My dad was a lousy father for a long time. Right after I turned 18 My Grandmother passed away and left him with alot of money. He gave me some and my mother.
I figure it was just back child support and missed events and payment was receive lol.
I had no problem cashing that check because I remember all the time my mother struggled. That money he gave me help finish raising me paying for some school.


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## Guest (Dec 2, 2009)

Consider it back child support. 

I can't remember if your Mom is alive or not, but if she is, take her on a nice vacation and thank HER for being a wonderful light in your life. If she has passed, then give a chunk of it to her favorite cause.


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## AngieM2 (May 10, 2002)

How far away is he? Do you know his phone number?
Can you call and ask him why and how?

He can only still hurt you if you cannot get to feeling neutral or somewhat sorry for all he missed out on with you.

Those hurts go deep.

Best wishes on your solution.

Angie


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## RiverPines (Dec 12, 2006)

Be careful!! It may bounce.
Sometimes a bank can check for sufficient funds before you try to deposit it so you dont get stuck with fees if it boinks. 
A lot of banks charge you even though your not the one that wrote the bad check.

I would check to see if it has sufficient funds even if I wasnt planning on cashing it just to see if I was about to get taken.

I disowned my toxic family back in the 70's and no regrets.

Family is whats in the heart not blood.

And if someone is stupid enough to just toss me some cash, yeah I'll take it! Dont expect anything in return either if its a situation like this. I don't like being obligated, thats not love either. But darn if I am passing free cash!


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## Ross (May 9, 2002)

The money orders you threw away did him no good just the company that issued them and nev er had to redeem them. As far as he knows you took that money. He obviously wants to be part of your life on some terms, you should talk to him to find out what he is thinking. Accept the money? Why not you have your terms too, he can't buy you off, and he has to understand that. Perhaps he thinks the money is better used in your hands, than his..... well he's pretty much gotta think that.


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## Common Tator (Feb 19, 2008)

Take the money. You need it. You just had a prolonged period of unemployment, and your father is trying to make up for the past. That can't happen, but this helps. 

Think of it this way. If he left you an inheritance, would you refuse it? NO! He is reaching out to you now, knowing how lousy he was to you when he was younger. Accept it. Be polite to him. You don't have to love him. You don't have to let him move in with you. Let him do this for you.

Cash it, and send him a nice Thank You card.


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## Lilandra (Oct 21, 2004)

donate a nice portion of the check to your church or favorite charity and then use the rest to make your family comfortable

sorry for the hard feelings this all brought back, you are in my prayers tonight


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Common Tator said:


> .
> 
> Cash it, and send him a nice Thank You card.


I like this. The Thank You Card puts the ball back in HIS court once again.


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## JJ Grandits (Nov 10, 2002)

Remember, forgiveness only lasts as long as he's alive. After that its only regret.


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## Murray in ME (May 10, 2002)

RiverPines said:


> Be careful!! It may bounce.
> Sometimes a bank can check for sufficient funds before you try to deposit it so you dont get stuck with fees if it boinks.
> A lot of banks charge you even though your not the one that wrote the bad check.
> 
> I would check to see if it has sufficient funds even if I wasnt planning on cashing it just to see if I was about to get taken.



I was thinking the same thing.

FF, rather than thinking how awful a person you are, I think it speaks highly of your character that you are struggling with this.


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## salmonslayer (Jan 4, 2009)

I was going to caution you not to let him think your beholden to him and that taking the money was a bad idea; then I read fordys post. Take the money in the spirit given.


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## WindowOrMirror (Jan 10, 2005)

I sure think that he's trying to buy forgiveness, and while that's just not possible, I also don't see why taking it makes you an emotional 'sellout' in any way. Cash the check, wait for the funds to fully clear, donate a pile to charity, take you and DH out for a great dinner somewhere, spend the money the way that you feel best about it... without making it a 'string' whereby he can control your life or heart. The suggestion to send him a thank-you card is certainly a good one!

R


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## Ross (May 9, 2002)

I was thinking about it a little more and this phrase kept nagging at me.


> Dh says it is up to me, but I know he thinks we should.


 I really don't think you should refuse a leg up from your father especially if things go bad for you and you had a chance to maybe soften the blow. It could disrupt your marrage. It would be just one more way your father has let you down. Sounds like a simple guy trying to fix things. It won't fix it all of course, but don't let it make things worse. Cash it toss it into savings and relax a bit. Give your self time to consider all the ramifications then use it or return it.


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## TexasArtist (May 4, 2003)

actually folks he could have gotten the money back on those money orders. I've done it a couple times when a place couldn't fill my order. I don't know if it's just the post offices one or all but it can be done. 

Do you know if he is the type of person to help someone then hold it over their head? If that's the case I'd return it with a little note "guilty consceince huh". If he is honestly trying to be straight with you I'd probably set the money in a savings account for a month or two then pay off some bills.


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## MN Gardener (Jan 23, 2008)

Cash it and take your mother on a great vacation. Think of all the clothes he didn't buy, family trips he didn't take you on, food he didn't buy, housing he didn't provide and school fees and activities he didn't pay for. My parents were divorced and my father provided all these things for us. Consider it a partial payment on what he failed to pay while you were growing up. It is a numbers thing, try to take the emotional factors out of it.


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## NoClue (Jan 22, 2007)

I have a similar story with my father, except without the infidelity (I think). My mother had died a couple years previously and he just split one day. That was when I was 16.

Since then he's been 'back' a couple times - about a year at a time, sometimes only a couple days. When his mom was dying, his sister tracked him down and got him to come 'back' again. I talked to him on the phone for a while, and spent a couple days with him when his mom - my grandmother died. My brother and I made an effort to get him involved in the family again, but it was obvious he had no real intention of doing so. He'd talk to us on the phone and occasionally talk about coming to visit, but nothing ever came of it. 

After about a year of this, I realized that I was always the one who called him. I was the one that sent him cards and remembered his birthday. It was all one way. I also realized that I didn't really have anything to say to him. He'd been out of my life more than he'd been a part of it, he wasn't interested in being a grandfather to my children, he was just a sick, lonely man who would talk on the phone if someone called him. I still check on him now and then, but there's no real relationship because he either doesn't want one or know how to be part of one. He hasn't even met five of his eight grandchildren.

This decision is up to you. It seems that your father may want to re-establish his relationship with you. The question you have to answer is do you want a relationship with him? If you don't, I don't think you can morally accept the money. If you do then sooner you might as well call him and talk to him about it. You may not like the answers you get, but at least you won't be guessing anymore.


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## wy_white_wolf (Oct 14, 2004)

Since your father sounds like a womanizer donate the money to the women's shelter in "HIS" area or any charity that deals with the type of problems your father has.


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## watcher (Sep 4, 2006)

Your guilt is inappropriate. You did nothing wrong so there's no need to feel guilty about. Taking the money would not be wrong because it was given to you. Why it was given isn't your problem. If it was it given because he feels he can buy your affection, you know it can't therefore that doesn't matter. If it was it given because he feels bad and wants to make himself feel better, that doesn't matter because only he can change how he feels. 

Look at the money as 'found' money, spend it and don't worry where it came from.

As a guy at our old church used to say; If God can send a message through a taking jackass what makes you think he can't send one though a person who just acts like one?


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## Jenn (Nov 9, 2004)

FeralFemale said:


> I can't believe I didn't think of that. Goes to show I don't have a clear head when thinking about him, I guess.


Yes FF, you really had hardcore principles- when you threw away a $100 money order only the money order company got that money! And your dad thought you kept it no doubt!

Remember the gal whose stripper or whatever sister gave money to the kid (stripper's niece)? Similar situ. And you know the old joke, "Would you sleep with me for a $million?" asks the man on the plane of his female seatmate. She coyly answers "I'd consider it." "How about $50?" "What do you think I am?!?!?" she says outraged. "We've established what you are, madam, we're just haggling over the price." Maybe give it to charity? 

My biggest concern with your story is that he may have conned the newest lady in his life (or one of your sibs known or unknown) into giving him this money so he could try to buy some love from you... I might establish a 'trust fund for folks injured by Dad' and even use it to give back to him next time he comes begging.

Good luck and know the cost of this money is no longer being able to tell your dad you don't want his tainted gifts. You took it once.


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## Aintlifegrand (Jun 3, 2005)

I don't know what you should do about the money...but I would iniate a conversation with your Dad... try to fix the past with him best you can... there is no time like to day.. call him...yeah I understand he was beyond bad.. horrible and all that... but love him just the same...work at forgiving him...try really hard before life makes that decision for you..


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## marvella (Oct 12, 2003)

i didn't read all the posts so sorry if it's a repeat.

what struck me most is your sense of guilt. you don't have anything to feel guilty about. if it's at all possible, don't take his behavior personally. it has little or nothing to do with how he felt/ feels about you and everything to do with his selfishness. he didn't leave because you weren't a good enough kid.

i think the money is his way of admitting his guilt (that he deserves) and trying to make amends. my childrens father has done the same thing- spends money on them instead of time. it's not what they really want but after telling him that over and over it hasn't changed. the reality is, it's all they are probably going to get from him.

so i say, take it in the spirit it was probably intended. he's sorry he was/ is a carppy father and this is his way of saying so.

spend it where you can use it best, send a polite thank you and try to let it go.

it's not you, it's him.


(ps- this is one reason i hate the holidays, all the family pain seems to get concentrated.)


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## 7thswan (Nov 18, 2008)

I agree with Marvella. Some people are just very shallow, they put their Money or Job before even Love. He could be trying to show you all he knows, in his own Language. You could pay off your School Loan, and tell him that's what you did with it. Maybe it would help him to feel like a Better person. That's a good thing to have to live up to.


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## RiverPines (Dec 12, 2006)

One way to know if there is sorry any where involved, find out if there are even sufficient funds!

A financial apology is pretty moot if the cash isnt really there in the first place.

Just checking to see if the check is good doesnt mean you have to cash it or do anything.


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## SageLady (Jun 10, 2008)

He owes you big time - take the money!


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## BlackWillowFarm (Mar 24, 2008)

I think if he'd been the father you deserved, he would have spent that much on you over the years raising you up. He would have helped with a car when you could drive, college expenses, etc...like any good parent would do.

So, I think you have it coming and should accept the money. I also think you should spend it anyway you see fit.

Having said that, considering the kind of person you describe him as, you may want to do a little research into just how he came to have that kind of money.

It would be terrible to find out he didn't come by it honestly and someone else in his life was hurt by him giving it away if it wasn't really his to give.


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## BlackWillowFarm (Mar 24, 2008)

I think if he'd been the father you deserved, he would have spent that much on you over the years raising you up. He would have helped with a car when you could drive, college expenses, etc...like any good parent would do.

So, I think you have it coming and should accept his gift. I also think you should spend it anyway you see fit.

Having said that, considering the kind of person you describe him as, you may want to do a little research into just how he came to have that kind of money.

It would be terrible to find out he didn't come by it honestly and someone else in his life was hurt by him giving it away if it wasn't really his to give.

As far as having a relationship with him, that's totally up to you. I do agree that hatred and anger will consume you but forgiveness will be a blessing in your life. A thank you card is a great idea.


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## snoozy (May 10, 2002)

It could well be a money laundering scam if he is the lowlife you suggest. Call the check-issuing company and see if it is real. A guy who can't have a checking account wouldn't have five figure money to toss around. Where did the money come from? Why did it come just now?

I wouldn't trust it, and if you're looking to justify taking money from a guy you hate, if you're fighting it in your gut, then you have your answer: you shouldn't take it. 

So, $50 you could turn down, but 5 figures you can't? Is that your price? 

Does taking it mean you have to talk to him now? Does he get a scot-free pardon for not being a dad all those years?

Think of some political figure you hate. If that person said, here is a check for $$$$$, would you take it? If knew or didn't know where the money came from really, would you take it or not?

If it was a money from a stranger, would you take it? 

Ultimately: what's your price, and what are you selling?

Me, I wouldn't take it. Or if truly desperate financial circumstances made me take it, it would be a loan that I would pay back ASAP. Are you truly desperate? How desperate?


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## marvella (Oct 12, 2003)

please read carefully.... it's a money order not a check, big dif.

so FF, have you spent it yet??


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## Sumer (May 24, 2003)

Carefully (as others have pointed out) Cash the check. Spend the money on YOU! 

Dont feel guilty for your dads guilt, or what ever warped feelings he may have. His feelings are not your problem. Your loan is your problem and now you can solve it.


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## snoozy (May 10, 2002)

marvella said:


> please read carefully.... it's a money order not a check, big dif.
> 
> so FF, have you spent it yet??


I am suggesting that she take precautions, considering the credit history of her deadbeat dad. There's many a scam out there:
[ame]http://www.google.com/search?q=money+order+scam&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-USfficial&client=firefox-a[/ame]


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Make peace with him, wipe the hostility slate clean and cash the check. If things are improved, great . If the hostilities begin again, consider it a new battle regardless if its waged on the past battle.

Nations do it with each other all the time. No reason parents and kids cant also. Take the money and make nice until he aint nice.


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## Guest (Dec 3, 2009)

Money is fungible. it'll pay the bills, no matter where it came from. I wouldn't think twice about it, just like finding a hundred dollar bill on the side of the road. Who would be too proud to bend over and pick it up?


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## marvella (Oct 12, 2003)

snoozy said:


> I am suggesting that she take precautions, considering the credit history of her deadbeat dad. There's many a scam out there:
> http://www.google.com/search?q=mone...s=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a


i wasn't really talklng to you in particular. there have been several who talked about making sure the check was good, except it's a MO.


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## whistler (Apr 20, 2005)

marvella said:


> i wasn't really talklng to you in particular. there have been several who talked about making sure the check was good, except it's a MO.


no, it's not:



feralfemale said:


> He sent me a card recently with a check for... well, for 5 figures. He came into some money, I guess.


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## starjj (May 2, 2005)

My question is this What principle within yourself made you throw out the other money orders? If you feel like just because it is a larger amount you are compromising those same principles then you shouldn't keep it.

Think of it this way would you do something for $50.00 that you find against your moral judgement so you say no and then you are asked will you do it for $5,000.00 and you say yes. We know now at what price you would compromise yourself.

Just so you know I would keep the money but then I don't think I would have thrown the other money out either but I am not walking in your shoes.


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## Ross (May 9, 2002)

The last two posts are reconsiled from the OP


> often with a money order (he can't have a checking account) for 50 bucks. I would throw out the cards and the check. I didn't want his money, and I figured he needed it more than I did.


FF is interchanging the word check for money order, he can't have a checking account. Its more likely a money order, unless her father's circumstances have changed.
The moral reason for not cashing the previous MO's was she felt he needed it more. 
I'd have cashed them too.

That's how I read it anyhow.


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## FeralFemale (Apr 10, 2006)

Just to clarify about the check:

It is not a personal check. It is an 'official check' (those words are on the check form) signed by a bank employee with my father as the remitter. It is a legit check with watermark and other security features. I would say it is a cashier's check, but those words do not appear on the check. 

I think I know where he got the money. I did a search a while back on my father and found he was a plaintiff in a class action lawsuit. I think that is where the money came from.


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## TJN66 (Aug 29, 2004)

I think you should take it. He was not helping raise you so consider this back child support. I totally understand how you feel. I had the same relationship with my father. He died at 50. I have no regrets. I did nothing wrong and neither did you. 
Enjoy the unexpected windfall and use it to help your family.


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## Common Tator (Feb 19, 2008)

I want you to do what is right for YOU. Accept the darn check and stop worrying about the morality issues.

Create a file folder called "Life is too short" and put all the hurt that your father caused you in that file, and then put the file in a hard to reach place. You will only need it again to put other things in that life is too short to dwell on. Your dad is trying to make up for his failures of the past. That really is admirable. He could have used this money to take a bar maid named Amber or Trixie on a cruise.

If you accept this, you will:
1. Help yourself. You need the money!
2. Help your dad's conscience at a stage in his life where he is reflecting on his past transgressions, and he is trying to rectify them as much as possible. That is admirable. Many men never do it.
3. It will help your husband. You share in life's fortunes. Good times and bad, sickness and health. I'm thinking he is probably a good guy. Do something nice for him. Next time I run into a chunk of change, the first thing I will be doing is buying my sweet hubby a fast new computer! 
4. I like the idea of doing something nice for your mom too. Maybe you can do something nice together!


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## snoozy (May 10, 2002)

So FF - what did you finally decide? (I'm just curious.)


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## pancho (Oct 23, 2006)

FeralFemale said:


> What would Homesteading Today do?
> 
> To be honest, I already sort of know the answer, and I am prepared to get flamed, so flame away.
> 
> ...


I have some of the same experiences as you.

Several years ago my parents and I became estranged.
It was a hard time but I decided they di what they wanted to do and that was their right.
About 2 years ago my mother died. I didn't go to the funeral. Later I recieved several phone calls from an insurance company notifying me I was the beneficiary of an insurance policy. I turned down the money.
This week my father died. I will not be going to this funeral either. Shortly I will be recieving several calls about an insurance policy and a will.
I won't accept anything.

If you felt strong enough to not accept anything up until now you should remain strong enough to refuse this check.

The amount has nothing to do with it. Unless you have a price and this meets your price. Myself, I can't be bought.


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## pancho (Oct 23, 2006)

I posted before reading all the other posts.
I am deeply disappointed in homesteading today. I was under the impression they were a little better class of people than normal. I see I was wrong.
I guess many people have their price. Some it is very low, some it is a little higher.
What ever happened to people who didn't have a price for themselves?


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## farmmom (Jan 4, 2009)

Tonya said:


> *Consider it back child support*.
> 
> I can't remember if your Mom is alive or not, but if she is, take her on a nice vacation and thank HER for being a wonderful light in your life. If she has passed, then give a chunk of it to her favorite cause.


That's exactly what I was thinking!


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## GoldenCityMuse (Apr 15, 2009)

Never forgiving can be a huge burden to carry.

Throwing those money order away earlier indicates that he still had power over you.

Embrace the pain. Cry and weep. Then move forward with life. Cash the check/mo. Remember, it all belongs to the Lord anyway.


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## jill.costello (Aug 18, 2004)

My BF's father was a monster to his family. Now that he is in poor health, and realising that none of the kids want any part of him, he is trying his darndest to do what he thinks is "making up to them". It is very sad, on the outside looking in: He can't cuddle them, now. He can't soothe them to sleep, now. He can't attend their soccer games and he can't take back the beatings.

So, he gifts them money. The only thing he can think of to "cuddle & soothe" his rightfully distrusting, bitter children.

Take the money; let an old man spend his last years feeling an eentsy bit prouder of himself.... even if you don't forgive him fully. It's the right thing to do.


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## onthespot (Oct 7, 2007)

If he is trying to buy forgiveness, cash it, send it to me, I will forgive him. You can tell him some nit-wit in California forgave him.


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## Sonshine (Jul 27, 2007)

I haven't read all the responses, but I would take the money. If he walked out on you, I'm assuming he didn't help support you, am I right? If that is indeed the case, then consider the money your due, since as a Dad he's obligated to support his kids.


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## Shygal (May 26, 2003)

This thread is a year old, I'm sure the decision has been made already.

And its also FF's choice whether to share what she did or not, some things should remain private.


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## jill.costello (Aug 18, 2004)

nice catch, Shygal! Geez, I didn't even think to look at the OP date....


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## Sonshine (Jul 27, 2007)

Thanks Shygal. I don't usually look at the dates. Thanks for pointing it out.


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## MELOC (Sep 26, 2005)

take the money
set your boundaries
learn to forgive
stick to your guns


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## snoozy (May 10, 2002)

Shygal said:


> This thread is a year old, I'm sure the decision has been made already.
> 
> And its also FF's choice whether to share what she did or not, some things should remain private.


I came across this thread while searching for something else and I was just wondering, that's all. It was a very lively discussion and a diversity of well-put views about a difficult quandary. However, I can see why the OP might not want to post what she did, since in GC people often go for blood.


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## Common Tator (Feb 19, 2008)

pancho said:


> About 2 years ago my mother died. I didn't go to the funeral. Later I recieved several phone calls from an insurance company notifying me I was the beneficiary of an insurance policy. I turned down the money.
> This week my father died. I will not be going to this funeral either. Shortly I will be recieving several calls about an insurance policy and a will.
> I won't accept anything.


Your deceased parents won't get the premiums that they paid back. All you did was to make the insurance company richer by refusing the money.


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## pancho (Oct 23, 2006)

Common Tator said:


> Your deceased parents won't get the premiums that they paid back. All you did was to make the insurance company richer by refusing the money.


I didn't care what happened to the money. It wasn't mine and I did not want it.

Some people seem to have a price. Sometimes it is very low and some hold out for more. I am not for sale. Don't matter where the money comes from.


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## Melissa (Apr 15, 2002)

If you are gifted with money you truly don't want or need you can always donate it to a good cause.


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## texican (Oct 4, 2003)

Eternity is a hell of a long time.

No matter if you're the son or daughter of Satan (originally typed Santa, and there's a tad bit of difference between the two... personally I'd rather have Santa as my pa instead of Satan) himself, they're still your parents. If they want to reconcile, reconcile... otherwise, in a twisted sort of way, you're carrying on the 'family tradition'.

Money won't solve all problems, but it dang sure makes em more manageable (and DOES solve a lot of problems, like land payments, mortgages, truck payments, etc.)

Can't really begin to understand a lot of peoples problems with their parents... I knew mine all my life, they were there for me, and when they needed me, I was there.

If your evil parents give you a half a chance at reconciliation, give them that peace (it's the Christian thing to do, imho). When they're long dead and gone and it's your turn for wanting to reconcile, it'll be too late. Give it to them, even if you secretly don't.

And whatever you do, don't take any money... geesh. Let the bank, insurance company, Western Union, or the govt. have it... heaven knows, they've got lots of deadbeats to take care of... compared to yourselves, who probably can think of a good charity, church, synagogue, mosque, monastery, or orphanage that can really use the money. Heck, you could even forward it to Chuck, and it could help with the costs of running this site (servers cost money).


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## pancho (Oct 23, 2006)

texican said:


> And whatever you do, don't take any money... geesh. Let the bank, insurance company, Western Union, or the govt. have it... heaven knows, they've got lots of deadbeats to take care of... compared to yourselves, who probably can think of a good charity, church, synagogue, mosque, monastery, or orphanage that can really use the money. Heck, you could even forward it to Chuck, and it could help with the costs of running this site (servers cost money).


I can't speak for others but in my case I was the primary beneficiary. If I refuse to take the money there will be others that recieve the money. As I don't need the money, would not appreciate the money, and do not think I deserve the money it is my decision that the money goes to some one else.

In my case, since it was my choice, I decide what to do. Others may have a different idea and that would be their choice to make.
Money isn't that important to me. I would much rather have my self respect. Others may not feel the same.


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## TheMartianChick (May 26, 2009)

I only read through page one, so excuse me if I repeat what others have said. To my way of thinking, you dad sounds as though he may have had some sort of life changing event and that he wants to make amends. Let him...

He should have been around paying child support to help you through school...He didn't do that, so pay off your loans now and get on with your life. This will enable you to have more security for your family now. Take it in the spirit in which it was offered. He didn't have to send the check... He could have kept all of the money.

One final thought...Sometimes people don't really know how to say, I'm sorry. Instead they try to demonstrate it. Maybe this is the best that he can do right now. It sounds as though he's trying to repair what is broken. In your case, holding onto the pain is costing you far more than you even know.


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