# poor and happy



## hawgsquatch (May 11, 2014)

I got stood up on a date tonight, soon I had dinner at a friends place then went for a walk. I went down to a place we used to go when the kids were young to shark fish by an old slough. The memories of that place, just the smell of the salt and the mud took me back. We had nothing. Lived in a 1970's singlewide, shared a truck between the both of us and spent our time on the water and in the woods, but darn we were happy. This may be a tad late but somewhere in my pursuit of money and things and respect and prestige and all of those temporary prideful useless goals, I forgot how to be happy. I need to remember.


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## lazyBum (Feb 27, 2012)

I thought I was unhappy as a pennyless teenager. Now I want to go back.

The american dream has changed from personal freedom to possess as much junk as possible.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

You really possess only one thing in this world, and it ain't money!


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Yeah, tell me about it.
Simple and Traditional are totally out the window anymore.
Everything / Everyone has to have this "rush" of emotions "to call it fun"......
No such thing as Traditional relationships anymore....
No one wants a wife, who cooks, and cleans, and is her husbands best friend; who wants to live a simpler lifestyle, gardens, cans, raises a few animals.... no.....it's career woman by day, Linda Lovelace by night. Nothing more, nothing less.

Sorry you got stood up. That is just rude.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Yeah, tell me about it.
> Simple and Traditional are totally out the window anymore.
> Everything / Everyone has to have this "rush" of emotions "to call it fun"......
> No such thing as Traditional relationships anymore....
> ...


I know it often feels like that. But it's not true for every man.

Me to hs. Sorry you got stood up.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

I think money has less to do with it than quality of relationships. Much of the influence in our culture has been towards valuing things and not people. You need this thing or that thing to be happy. On a happiness scale I'd say that our country is much less happy than it was when I was a teenager.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Things, yes.......but I think it has more to do with "feelings" instead.

There has to be this INTENSITY......chemistry, rush of 'feelings'.....all the time.
Folks who have been married for 50 years, and are changing out each other colostimy bag probably are NOT having this tingle in their thighs........but a deep sense of commitment, honor, cherishing love for their spouse; not just some high school hormone surge.

Society is 'feelings-thrill-visually' based, and it's sad.
You miss out on the good ones when those are your focus.


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## hawgsquatch (May 11, 2014)

I'm not worried about being stood up. It reveals things early that will definitely come up later, like a common belief in respect and communication deficit disorder. I am pretty good company for myself. I am happy that these things don't bother me like they used to.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

It seems like people, cars, homes, feelings, kids, relationships are all disposable and have little value. For a guy born in 1960 i have to wonder when that happened. I should be dating my age and older, as in my experience, the under 50 crowd has no attention span.

Its not generation gap, it a character gap. Plastic surgery, instant feel good trips, instant internet shopping, quick loss fad diets, and a sense of worthlessness or invalidation seems to be what many of the younger generation feels and does. 

LZ5 you are exactly spot on, "feelings-thrills-visual" , yes, yes!! And it is very sad.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Our one true freedom is the Pursuit of Happiness. Turn off the TV, go outside, reach inside. Stop letting others define what happiness is and how it should be pursued.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Ive always been poor. NEVER been happy OVER the long run.

Im happier than I have ever been now, but that aint saying nothing. Im contented, and I now know contentment.


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## Guest (Oct 7, 2014)

It strange - happiness and contentment come from inside. And happy isn't a full on life style for most of us - it is little moments, that we notice. You have fallen out of the habit of noticing. You most likely have gotten busy and your mind is blowing past those moment without seeing them. 

Just spending a little time to see and appreciate the individual moments of happiness in your day will turn it around for you.

The smell of hot buttered bread, watching the sun rise, seeing some birds on the fence row, all the little myriad of things that in your busy-ness that you are overlooking...

Try this: tomorrow, before you roll outta bed, lay there for a sec and appreciate ~something~ like the warm blanket or soft mattress or whatever.
While you're drinking your morning coffee, stare out the window at your view and appreciate what you see. (No lining up chores, just look and appreciate it. It is yours!)
Do this every so often in your day. That cool water when you're thirsty. The sharp cheese on your sandwich. That kinda stuff...

You'll get your happy back!

Promise!

I struggle with this daily, because I am unhappy and stuck currently. This practice keeps me sane. LOL!


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## lazyBum (Feb 27, 2012)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Yeah, tell me about it.
> Simple and Traditional are totally out the window anymore.
> Everything / Everyone has to have this "rush" of emotions "to call it fun"......
> No such thing as Traditional relationships anymore....
> ...


I want the simple life. Maybe a little kinkiness at night, but, not a pornstar.

And I need to turn in my man card. I didn't know who Linda Lovelace was. I couldn't figure out what you had against smart women. I was thinking of Ada Lovelace.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I had a aunt Ada!

I don't have hot buttered bread. I don't keep bread in the house, cause opnce I open a loaf, I don't quit making bread, butter, bread, peanut butter, bread jelly bread sandwiches till its all gone.
When I wake up in the morning, its cause I GOTTA P. Like the other 3 times last night.
I don't drink coffee. Don't see any birds that the cats don't see first. lol
I do appreciate COLD water, and I don't eat cheese, tho I love it. IF I had it, id have meat also, and id be back, with a loaf of bread making bread, meat and cheese sandwiches lol.
Even old as I is, I knew who LL is/was


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

TraciInTexas said:


> appreciate ~something~


A friend's grandmother grew up and lived her whole life in North Dakota. She was born in the 1890's and lived to nearly a hundred before dying in the 1990's. The University of North Dakota interviewed her as a part of living history series and when asked what was the greatest thing she had witnessed in her long life, she said "running water in the house".


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Yep, it's those simple things.


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

It is indeed.


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## Malamute (Sep 15, 2011)

Ramblin Wreck said:


> A friend's grandmother grew up and lived her whole life in North Dakota. She was born in the 1890's and lived to nearly a hundred before dying in the 1990's. The University of North Dakota interviewed her as a part of living history series and when asked what was the greatest thing she had witnessed in her long life, she said "running water in the house".


 Having lived without running water before, I'd agree on how amazing and wonderful it is.

Houses are pretty cool also. I chose to go without for a while when young and adventurous. It was interesting and adventurous, but am not planning on trying it again.

I've lived pretty simple much of my life, and still do for the most part. I recall things about my past that seemed better then. Part of it may be the warm glow of remembering. My life is still fairly simple, but in todays world, even simple seems to cost more than we'd ever imagined in the past. Making for more per hour than I'd guessed in the past still doesnt offset it. Part of that is the choices we make. I like having a cell phone and a computer connection. Most of the rest is pretty basic. It still costs more than I'd have guessed 20 years ago. Not sure exactly what the answer is, or even what the question is at times. Life is still good, but seems more complicated, even when aiming for simple.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

yep, running water will be good when I get it.


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## lazyBum (Feb 27, 2012)

My great grandma said the greatest thing was the chainsaw. Her and gramp didn't know what to do with all their free time after they got one.


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

Malamute said:


> Having lived without running water before, I'd agree on how amazing and wonderful it is.
> 
> Houses are pretty cool also. I chose to go without for a while when young and adventurous. It was interesting and adventurous, but am not planning on trying it again.
> 
> I've lived pretty simple much of my life, and still do for the most part. I recall things about my past that seemed better then. Part of it may be the warm glow of remembering. My life is still fairly simple, but in todays world, even simple seems to cost more than we'd ever imagined in the past. Making for more per hour than I'd guessed in the past still doesnt offset it. Part of that is the choices we make. I like having a cell phone and a computer connection. Most of the rest is pretty basic. It still costs more than I'd have guessed 20 years ago. Not sure exactly what the answer is, or even what the question is at times. Life is still good, but seems more complicated, even when aiming for simple.


********
this is so true. I have had to do without as an adult not as a child so it was a hard learning curve for me. I am about to go without once again and my 20 yr old daughter decided she didnt want to go without so she left this morning. Rats leaving a sinking ship. But its all put in prospective when you have to make choices, want heat or cable so what do you choose, food for people or food for pets you choose. Phone and internet or car insurance .Happy no not so much and dont know how to fix being happy. Have not had that warm fuzzy feeling in a long time, and no one cares but yourself. When the few people I come in contact with ask how are you doing, I just smile and say great and you. I agree you make yourself happy I just dont know what to do with the people in my life that make me unhappy. So you do what you can and be happy or at least satisfied with the results. Many times in our lives we have to regroup priorities reinvent change


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

for sure as MM says even living simply costs a penny these days. I just have regular stuff, phone, sattelite,i like tv especially winter time, taxes, insurance , a car (stuff like that and it all came due this week) 2500 for interim taxes,1250 to get the car winterized,(had to have a timing chain) 1500 insurance etc. etc. soon adds up. I've done without running water and I could again if I had to but as yet I don't. that's another thing I had to pay for this week water bill. oh and I see the gas bill came in today. ~Georgia.


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

Georgia looks like the cost of living there is high!!


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

right here in the city it is yes. when I move back to my land in the country it will be a lot less. I don't even plan on having the satellite. no water bill. I have a well there. I will have a wood stove also but I might have electric heat no gas. I can live very inexpensively out there as opposed to here. I think I pay only 1100 a year in taxes there. course I only have a mobile on it whereas I plan a small house. ~Georgia.


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Financially well off or without the funds to buy the echo off the whistle of a steamboat for sale for a quarter I have always been happy because money ain't nothing more than a way to keep score in a game I was taught how to play but often don't care if I play it or not.


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## Malamute (Sep 15, 2011)

Interesting how money can mean so many different things to different people. Many obviously read far more into it than I do.

I've never had a lot, and wasn't interested in having a lot, but the times I've been in better shape than not have certainly been far less inconvenient than being poor. To me the good point is having enough to do what I want, when I want, and having enough time to do the things I enjoy. That balance isn't always easy to find. Poor is just plain a pain in the rear. It certainly doesn't make me any happier to be in such a state. If folks can be happy not going and doing things, then they may have a different outlook than I do. I have vast wild areas to explore and get out into, amazing things to see, things I enjoy doing. None of it is literally free. It takes fuel and wear and tear on a vehicle to go up in the mountains, time to do it, food, reloading supplies and licenses to hunt, eating out once in a while in a tiny town in the mountains,... The great question is how much of your life you are willing to trade (work) for the things that time will give you(money). I can work one day and think "that paid X bill, and part of Y bill", and find peace in making a living without spending every waking moment doing it. It never held a philosophical place as to "postion in the world" or anyone elses opinion of me or what I did, just what it did for me, and if I enjoyed doing it. The world has all sorts of people, and I've enjoyed the company and friendship of all sorts of people. Their relative balance sheet had little to do with how I felt about them, and generally I believe the reverse is true. Some people with boatloads of money are truly great people, and kind and often generous to those they know, and some people with little are mean, petty, small minded people. Money has little to do with it in my thoughts, though some may get a bit full of themselves when they have some. They may get over it, they may not. It isn't my problem either way.


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## hawgsquatch (May 11, 2014)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Yeah, tell me about it.
> Simple and Traditional are totally out the window anymore.
> Everything / Everyone has to have this "rush" of emotions "to call it fun"......
> No such thing as Traditional relationships anymore....
> ...


I do. I really really do. I don't care what she is, I care who she is.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

You sir, are a rare gem!


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## Space Cowboy (Apr 26, 2008)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Yeah, tell me about it.
> Simple and Traditional are totally out the window anymore.
> Everything / Everyone has to have this "rush" of emotions "to call it fun"......
> No such thing as Traditional relationships anymore....
> ...


I'm one of those guys that like the "best friend, simpler lifestyles". I thought I had the woman that I wanted to spend the rest of my days with. She found the lifestyle to "tough". She is unfortunately, my ex now.

SC


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## Trainwrek (Aug 23, 2014)

Well if you haven't figured it out yet most of the 'values' that are spoon fed to us are done so by people who want to sell us things. Cars, clothes, sparkly things, big houses, etc.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Every time this subject comes up I think about the line from "Broken Trail" where Duvall says, "Never use money to measure wealth, son." I spent a long time trying to make enough to make ends meet, get ahead, or buy what someone else thought I/we should have. It didn't make me happy. It stressed me out, caused arguments, and created opportunities for dishonesty and deception. This isn't the late 1800's anymore, but I think people could get by with a lot less than they think they just _have to have_. I _know_ I can.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> I'm one of those guys that like the "best friend, simpler lifestyles". I thought I had the woman that I wanted to spend the rest of my days with. She found the lifestyle to "tough". She is unfortunately, my ex now.


I had the same thing happen, except in my case it was the fella who decided he wanted to move back to town! :huh:

He lives in town now with his new wife, and I'm still in the country with a fabulous new partner. We do it all together: garden, can, cut firewood, milk our cow. Life is good.


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## Allen W (Aug 2, 2008)

The wife's family think it's terrible we don't have a fancy house and a new car but I can't think of a single thing any of them have that we would want.

I went out and done some work for my father in law this summer and got a taste of the drama my wife has put up with no wonder she is happy living on the river in this old house.


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## Malamute (Sep 15, 2011)

I don't believe its about money, its about people feelings about money. The old Bible verse wasn't _money_ is the root of all evil, its the LOVE of money that's the root of _all sorts _of evil.

If someone is spending themselves (work=time=life) in the effort to get money because of how someone else will think of them, they have some serious priority issues.

I, for one, would be the coolest wealthy person anyone has ever seen. I'd still drive older vehicles (I simply am not into, or place a high value on new vehicles), but without the issue of working to survive/pay bills, and could afford whatever I really wanted, my time would be spent doing the things I truly love, as well as having a virtual wildlife sanctuary for a yard. Hundreds of trees would be planted, wild native trees and plants, some nice stone pillar and log rail fencing along the road, finish my cabin addition, build a greenhouse and covered garden, build a guest house for friends to stay in when visiting, help people that were truly in need, travel some, (camping much of the time, but its nice to get a room if the weather turns nasty, or to just take a break and clean up with long how showers). I think I'd make a point of eating a really good steak dinner about once or twice a month, learn new things, expand my horizons in different areas. Take some shooting classes from top level trainers, hunt in some places I'd never be able to realistically otherwise, see historic places, try to catch all the good Indian Ruins in the Southwest, along with Mesa Verde,.....I'd know most of the good dirt mountain roads in the west, and have some grand adventures.

As it is, I have a lot of freedom, but not a lot of money, and am not willing to trade much of my freedom for money. I like to make a decent living, and have the time and freedom to enjoy what I've made. Money in and of itself isn't the issue, its what people are willing to do for it, and how they view it after they have it. Some guard it jealously, some feel its a blessing to free them and spread their blessing around them.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

It is always a matter of trade offs. 

I was poor but happy and living with my sweetie at Howie's Motel, and our expenses were almost nothing. The thing is, they were low BECAUSE I was living where I was: it costs a lot more to run a homestead!

I am now living in a medium sized house with a 1 acre yard, and it is sometimes hard to make ends meet because I cannot run a house on what I could run a rented room on! I can be incredibly frugal but all of the the utility bills are higher here, the taxes are higher on a house and land, and now it looks like we need a new roof.

We *MIGHT* be able to afford to get the roof on this spring, maybe, but I flew out to visit family this summer and the two costs together really add up. When I was 20 I may have been broke but happy, but family was just a drive away and somebody else replaced the roofs when they needed it!

I COULD have stayed in a rented room in California and continued to live on very little, but owning my little homestead is so very rewarding that I have no regrets. It jut means that I have to convince the family that "poor but happy" is possible this winter! DH adores having cable TV, DS loves going to town, and our health costs are higher than they used to be! And, alas, there are no longer grocery stores or the college within walking distance and so we cannot just park the car like we used to.

Besides, winters here are colder than they were in California, and that would take some of the joy out of walking to the grocery store, even if there was a grocery store within walking distance, and there is not!
.........................................................
It is time, for me at least, to try and remember what I used to do for fun that cost virtually nothing! That way we will be tempted less to buy entertainments that costs. We used to attend $1 movies on the campus: instead we should get into the habit of weekly redbox movies. I can also make it a point to cook snacks for the weekends so that folks do not miss potato chips and things. 

Movies and snacks are a start. 

I also have a banana plant on the deck in the back: if I bring it in then it may get old enough to produce fruit, and wouldn't THAT be a hoot! 

The computer does eat electricity. It is very nice to watch movies on-line, but it might be better to watch the movies on the TV. 

I was happy back when I spent almost nothing (And had almost nothing to spend), I just need to get that mind set again if I am to be able to afford a new roof!


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

I hope it doesn't cost over 30 000 like mine. I don't think though a bit of cable tv is too much for a man to ask for after working day in and day out . he could want so much more that would drive you into debt. one of my husbands was so selfish. everything was about him and what he wanted. fortunately he could afford it. jmo ~Georgia.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

newfieannie said:


> I hope it doesn't cost over 30 000 like mine. I don't think though a bit of cable tv is too much for a man to ask for after working day in and day out . he could want so much more that would drive you into debt. one of my husbands was so selfish. everything was about him and what he wanted. fortunately he could afford it. jmo ~Georgia.


Are you meaning $30,000 for able TV? 

Why so high? We will be keeping our cable TV because it is not expensive at all!


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

you mentioned a roof or I'm seeing things. that was for my roof. ~Georgia.


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## Malamute (Sep 15, 2011)

How much did they do for $30K? Was that tearing off the rafters and everything down to the walls?


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

that was for putting on a peak roof where all I had before was flat. i had no leaks but a terrible time with water collecting and me having to get up there and sweep it off. nothing was torn off at all. the chimney and all the other outlets had extensions put on also which I guess is standard. keep in mind we pay quite a bit more for most things than you do in the US. I'm happy though not to have to climb around the roof anymore especially when it's slippery. ~Georgia.


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## Guest (Oct 8, 2014)

I wake up in the morning, feel my neck for a pulse. If my heart is still beating, I jump out of bed to enjoy my immense wealth....excellent health. Everything else is just gravy on squirrel....not really necessary, but nice anyway. Nobody ever asked for another dollar, or new car, with his last breath. Only one more breath. Be here now.


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## paradox (Nov 19, 2012)

It is never too late to adjust the way you look at life. I grew up poor and very miserable due to an abusive situation. But I got out, and I purposely sought a different life for myself as an adult, and a different type of childhood for my own kids. It took a while, but several years ago I realized I had "arrived" and it really does wonders for ones outlook on life. 

Now I enjoy the little things immensely. Not long ago I posted on fb that it is "difficult to by grumpy when one is in possession of an entire roll of Butterrum Lifesavers." and I truly meant it. I was having a bear of a day at work but I remembered I had found those lifesavers at a convenience store and dropped them in my purse for just such an occasion. Sure I deal with problems and I fuss about crappy stuff that happened to me, but it isn't what I focus on during my day. My amazing DH and some pretty amazing kids, awesome views, favorite songs, a little treat for myself, etc. I am thankful and grateful for so much in my life. I try very hard to express those things verbally too, because I want my kids to find enjoyment in the little things. 

It appears I have had some success in that. They ask frequently if we can go outside as a family. It might be just to sit in the yard and watch the chickens and pet the dogs. Or it might be more of an all day event where we have to pack water and snacks and go explore to the outer edges of the property, usually accompanied by dogs, cats, and sometimes turkeys. It is amazing how much you can find to learn about, see, and enjoy during those walks. 

Sometimes the kids pester us to have family game night and play (shock!) a board game together. Given that the kids are a 12 year old male who does actually own an xbox and a 17 year old girl who does have a boyfriend, it is amazing to me that we rate that high on their preferred activities and companions list.

The world would be a better place if folks would just slow down and appreciate some things. I drive East every morning to go to work. Now I could complain about driving into the sun on my way to and from work everyday, or I can sit back and spend those 40 minutes admiring some pretty amazing sunrises and sunsets. 

You have awakened (again) to the beauty around you. May you walk outside just to feel rain on your face and imagine the sigh of relief coming from the grass. May you pull over to the side of the road and watch the deer you just saw in the pasture. May you notice the young man who hustles to get the door for an elderly woman and then hustle yourself to catch him and tell him how kind that was. May you be reminded over and over again, that happiness is all around you if you only make the effort to look for it.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

I'm with Zong. as long as I'm in excellent health and I am, everything else is gravy. I wouldn't mind coming across a butter rum lifesaver though. haven't seen one in many years. ~Georgia


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Yeah, $30,000 would be horrible!


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

oh now you wont be doing what I did. you probably had leaks and your are just stripping off the shingles and tar paper and replacing it. I had that done the day I moved here before I realized a flat roof wasn't the way to go.(you likely have a proper roof already.) that cost 13000 but yours would probably be half of that. not sure of your prices. my husband and I and a friend did ours in the country and all we had to pay for was the material. ~Georgia


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> No such thing as Traditional relationships anymore....
> No one wants a wife, who cooks, and cleans, and is her husbands best friend; who wants to live a simpler lifestyle, gardens, cans, raises a few animals.... no.....it's career woman by day, Linda Lovelace by night. Nothing more, nothing less.


Laura, you always post stuff that makes me THINK! 

And OK, here's what I think ... there is nothing wrong with wanting to find a man who will support you while you're a stay-at-home spouse, but perhaps that's not something you should lead with when getting to know a man. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but simply because men may misunderstand your intentions and feel they're being eyed as a prospective meal ticket! And everyone wants to be loved for his fine qualities ... no one wants to be viewed as a walking wallet. That would probably be a turn-off even for a man who ordinarily wouldn't be opposed to supporting a wife. 

My last husband was a man of means and had been divorced for about a decade before we got together. During that time, apparently a number of women had expressed an interest in him, including a couple who boldly propositioned him! And these were not skanks, but middle-aged professional women whom he had met through work or his community activities ... but who nevertheless were looking for a soft place to land. (I still think he married me because I was probably the only woman he'd encountered in years who had absolutely no interest in his money. And when I met some of his female acquaintances during the time we were together -- oh my, they did not seem to like me at all!) ound:

My point is that when you get to know a man of means, he may be rather jaded, having had a number of women hit him up already. So while you may be operating with the best of intentions -- thinking only of what you can contribute to the partnership, and all the good things you could do for him -- he might view it more cynically and think, "Here we go again!" 

So, like I said, I wouldn't lead with this idea. As you get to know a fella, you can sound him out a bit on the subject. For instance -- since at our age almost everyone has a past! -- when he brings up a prior relationship, you might casually ask what she did for a living? Or whether she stayed home with the kids (if any) when they were small? How he replies will give you a clue as to where his heart is and whether he might be the guy for you.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

willow_girl said:


> Laura, you always post stuff that makes me THINK!
> 
> And OK, here's what I think ... there is nothing wrong with wanting to find a man who will support you while you're a stay-at-home spouse, but perhaps that's not something you should lead with when getting to know a man. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but simply because men may misunderstand your intentions and feel they're being eyed as a prospective meal ticket! And everyone wants to be loved for his fine qualities ... no one wants to be viewed as a walking wallet. That would probably be a turn-off even for a man who ordinarily wouldn't be opposed to supporting a wife.


:happy2::happy2: Not 'me' silly, just 'traditional' in general.
I would go insane if I was in the home 24/7. I've worked all my life, so it would be oober freak out to just 'stay home'. Besides, all my kids are grown...

I really want to own my own business...

I'm saying society / the culture today has no desire for traditional relationships.



> My last husband was a man of means and had been divorced for about a decade before we got together. During that time, apparently a number of women had expressed an interest in him, including a couple who boldly propositioned him! And these were not skanks, but middle-aged professional women whom he had met through work or his community activities ... but who nevertheless were looking for a soft place to land. (I still think he married me because I was probably the only woman he'd encountered in years who had absolutely no interest in his money. And when I met some of his female acquaintances during the time we were together -- oh my, they did not seem to like me at all!) ound:


I always say it's a good sign when the majority of women in the room don't like me.....means I'm doing something right!! :happy2:



> My point is that when you get to know a man of means, he may be rather jaded, having had a number of women hit him up already. So while you may be operating with the best of intentions -- thinking only of what you can contribute to the partnership, and all the good things you could do for him -- he might view it more cynically and think, "Here we go again!"


And who could blame him? There are so many gold diggers out there, it's not funny!! I can wizz and moan and cry all I want, but men don't have it easy; especially men who are looking for a woman with character. 
It's just all around slim picken's out there!!



> So, like I said, I wouldn't lead with this idea. As you get to know a fella, you can sound him out a bit on the subject. For instance -- since at our age almost everyone has a past! -- when he brings up a prior relationship, you might casually ask what she did for a living? Or whether she stayed home with the kids (if any) when they were small? How he replies will give you a clue as to where his heart is and whether he might be the guy for you.


 See, I'm gonna suck at this dating thing.
I'm not a total 'bull in a china shop' but I don't do 'casual beat around the bush' either......:grit:
Maybe I should just get a hamster.
HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA


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## msscamp (Sep 8, 2014)

hawgsquatch said:


> I got stood up on a date tonight, soon I had dinner at a friends place then went for a walk. I went down to a place we used to go when the kids were young to shark fish by an old slough. The memories of that place, just the smell of the salt and the mud took me back. We had nothing. Lived in a 1970's singlewide, shared a truck between the both of us and spent our time on the water and in the woods, but darn we were happy. This may be a tad late but somewhere in my pursuit of money and things and respect and prestige and all of those temporary prideful useless goals, I forgot how to be happy. I need to remember.


I don't know you from Adam, but it doesn't sound to me like you're poor......broke maybe, but not poor. There is a very big difference between the two and that difference has to do with intangible things that really make a very big difference when it comes to this game called life. I am fortunate enough to be able to pay my bills every month, but any extras are not going to happen. I don't consider myself poor because I am doing what I enjoy doing, I have love, I have my animals - dog, cat, and goats - to interact with, and the beauty of sunrises, sunsets, and all the miracles of nature. How can anyone consider themselves poor with those things?


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

hawgsquatch said:


> I got stood up on a date tonight, soon I had dinner at a friends place then went for a walk. I went down to a place we used to go when the kids were young to shark fish by an old slough. The memories of that place, just the smell of the salt and the mud took me back. We had nothing. Lived in a 1970's singlewide, shared a truck between the both of us and spent our time on the water and in the woods, but darn we were happy. This may be a tad late but somewhere in my pursuit of money and things and respect and prestige and all of those temporary prideful useless goals, I forgot how to be happy. I need to remember.


Speaking of fishing...and happiness... Simple pleasures are the best! If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles, lololol.

Btw, I'm sorry you got stood up, but consider that to be a blessing in disguise.


.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> Not 'me' silly, just 'traditional' in general.
> I would go insane if I was in the home 24/7. I've worked all my life, so it would be oober freak out to just 'stay home'. Besides, all my kids are grown...
> 
> I really want to own my own business...
> ...


Sorry hon; I misunderstood your intentions there!

But hopefully my advice may be of use to someone who *is* seeking that kind of partnership. 

Until my ex told me some stories about his, ermm, encounters with members of the opposite sex while single, I had never really considered things from the man's perspective, or what it must be like to be hit up by women who obviously were attracted by the size of your wallet. I'd think that would be flattering at first, but would get old really fast. I mean, who could you ever trust, really?


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## homefire2007 (Sep 21, 2007)

I've worried about money for many years. I had two children to raise and making sure they had the necessities was paramount. Food, a roof over our heads, etc. It's been horribly stressful and aged me far too fast. I can't do that anymore. I go to work, save when I can and enjoy the things I thought I didn't have time for. The kids are grown.....I'm not fighting for our survival...if I just say that long enough, I will really believe it ! I have to completely rewire my brain out of crises mode.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

homefire2007 said:


> I have to completely rewire my brain out of crises mode.


That can be hard!

For about 5 years I had to deal with one crisis after another. During one particular week ALONE my elderly MIL had her identity stolen (and needed me to straighten things out), my disabled BIL lost his roof during a tornado, and I have forgotten the third thing. That's OK, I see no reason to keep track of when the disasters hit: it was enough that I muddled through them all, one after another! :hair

At any rate, it took me a YEAR after the disasters stopped hitting just to BEGIN to wind down! 

To rewire my brain out of my OWN crisis mode I eventually sat down and made up a list of what I decided a "normal" life was, and I made a real effort to live that life. It felt very artificial at first, but in time I did get back into the groove and I eventually wound down and felt less stressed. It did take a lot of time, though.


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## homefire2007 (Sep 21, 2007)

Thanks, Terri! I really needed to hear that. It's okay to calm down now....I don't think I have any more adrenalin left. I like the list idea very much, thanks


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

homefire2007 said:


> Thanks, Terri! I really needed to hear that. It's okay to calm down now....I don't think I have any more adrenalin left. I like the list idea very much, thanks


One of the things on my "normal life" list was to eat a McDonalds breakfast once a week. I chose it because I was trying to savor life's small pleasures, and because I like their sausage burritos. I STILL make it a point to hit McDonalds every week, as small pleasures are part of a normal life! 

Also because food should not always come under the heading "I need to eat" and it should sometimes be "I want to eat". That worked out pretty well, and I still hit the drive through window to get breakfast when I am on my way to run errands. It is a way to reward myself for the work that I am doing. And there will be no dishes to do afterwards.

It is also very affordable, as the breakfast foods that us diabetics are allowed to eat are mostly on the dollar menu. 

Other things on my list included things like stop working at 8 PM, visit the library often enough to return books before they get overdue, go to church some of the time, talk on the phone sometimes with family members, and so forth. Your list will be different, the MAIN point I was trying to accomplish was to pick up the threads of my life again!


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## Malamute (Sep 15, 2011)

Terri said:


> Other things on my list included things like stop working at 8 PM, visit the library often enough to return books before they get overdue,...


 
Uh, wait a minute. If you return everything on time, how are you going to support the library? I see it as my civic duty to bring everything back a little late. I usually tell them to throw the change in the Library pizza slush fund also. They always laugh when I tell them I bring stuff back late just to help support them, and they tell me they appreciate the thoughtfulness. I also tell them their late fees aren't nearly enough.


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## Allen W (Aug 2, 2008)

willow_girl said:


> ... but who nevertheless were looking for a soft place to land. ound:


Trading a little tail for room and board. Seems to be pretty common these days.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

As was quoted above,

I woulda thought that you had a soft place for him to land lol.


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## plowhand (Aug 14, 2005)

No one wants a wife, who cooks, and cleans, and is her husbands best friend; who wants to live a simpler lifestyle, gardens, cans, raises a few animals.... 

They still exist? A wife like that ?............in America?


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## Guest (Oct 10, 2014)

plowhand said:


> No one wants a wife, who cooks, and cleans, and is her husbands best friend; who wants to live a simpler lifestyle, gardens, cans, raises a few animals....
> 
> They still exist? A wife like that ?............in America?



They do. They're unwanted. :-(

Folks want a second income.


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## Malamute (Sep 15, 2011)

I just posted this in another thread, but it occurred to me it fits here also.

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAtSw3daGoo[/ame]


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Your right. They spread about 1/2 as much BS as we do lol


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## okiemom (May 12, 2002)

our roof was about that high. it has doubled in 8yrs. ouch


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

TraciInTexas said:


> They do. They're unwanted. :-(
> 
> Folks want a second income.


Actually what I run into is men declining to date me because they just assume because of my current work choice that I wouldn't stay at home and take care of a place.

It's all I've ever wanted to do lol. But people assume a lot of things about current circumstances and choices.

I do the work I do because of the income. If someone else had the same income, i'd be more than happy to stay home and be all woman. In fact, I'd be tickled. And he'd be one of the luckiest and well loved men alive.


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## hawgsquatch (May 11, 2014)

WhyNot said:


> Actually what I run into is men declining to date me because they just assume because of my current work choice that I wouldn't stay at home and take care of a place.
> 
> It's all I've ever wanted to do lol. But people assume a lot of things about current circumstances and choices.
> 
> I do the work I do because of the income. If someone else had the same income, i'd be more than happy to stay home and be all woman. In fact, I'd be tickled. And he'd be one of the luckiest and well loved men alive.


Agreed! I would love, love, love to be a house hubby. I can cook, learning to sew, I am a great cleaner, I am organized, raised a few decent kids into productive citizens, and I look great in an apron. Sign me up.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

hawgsquatch said:


> Agreed! I would love, love, love to be a house hubby. I can cook, learning to sew, I am a great cleaner, I am organized, raised a few decent kids into productive citizens, and I look great in an apron. Sign me up.


This would be just as awesome to me.


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## Guest (Oct 11, 2014)

I had a house "husband" once... It was kinda fun! He have five years of cooking school, so it sounded like a great arrangement!

After a couple years of hotdogs and tater tots or frozen lasagna tossed in right as I pulled in the drive - I raffled him off for a different model.


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

My house husband was disabled and viciously jealous and bitter because I still worked. I don't want a mean one lol.


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## txtransplant (Oct 15, 2014)

I work clean cook and do repairs on truck and home. I dont go on dates all that often and sometimes i wish i had been stood up. Last one i went on had the guy telling me how the blacks and (pardon the expression)------s were ruining the country. Really! In what world do you say that to someone you dont even know that is obviously not all white? Then when i said i didnt want to go on anymore dates as polite as i could for a couple weeks had to get rude. Ugh, wish that one had stood me up.


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## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

My balance sheet says I'm poor (by today's standards), my heart says I'm happy (with me).
Can't wait until I get my own ground under my feet again, though, then I'll be ecstatic!


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

handymama said:


> My house husband was disabled and viciously jealous and bitter because I still worked. I don't want a mean one lol.


This really struck a chord. My ex got to be unbearable once he was disabled enough to no longer be able to work....not that he was a sweetheart before that. I always chocked it up to him always being the boss and suddenly all he had to 'boss' was me. Hadn't really considered that he was jealous that I am still physically strong. I was too busy being ordered around to have time to think. 

He gets really mad when he knocks something off or drops something on the ground because it is so hard for him to reach it. Constantly saying how useless and worthless he is, though he is still able to do things....just very slowly and he needs help. Which is one reason I think he needs his head examined for finally making things miserable enough to run me off for good.

He may very well resent me because I can still do stuff he can't. Something to think about....though I won't go back. Nobody deserves to be treated like I was.


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## sidepasser (May 10, 2002)

When I began to date after a long time single, I found that most of the men I met wanted a wife who worked and some wanted a wife who worked and would support them  . 

It seems that now days it is expected that a wife will work. I don't know when that all changed, but I've worked my whole life and paid all my own bills and was married and had kids, went to college, managed my farm and still worked. I have never met a man yet that wanted a stay at home wife. My current DH makes a good income, yet I still work and I pay my own bills and he pays his. We never discussed my staying home, it was always assumed I would work until I retired.

At this stage in my life I would be scared to be dependent on a husband and quit my job. What if the DH no longer wanted me and I was too old to get another job? That is scary. I guess I am so used to being dependent on myself that I don't trust anyone else to do it for me.


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## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

TraciInTexas said:


> I had a house "husband" once... It was kinda fun! He have five years of cooking school, so it sounded like a great arrangement!
> 
> After a couple years of hotdogs and tater tots or frozen lasagna tossed in right as I pulled in the drive - I raffled him off for a different model.


You can RAFFLE them? After all the frequent flyer miles I have garnered going to Hades and back, and NOW I find out, after all these years, I have been doing this WRONG!!!


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## Guest (Oct 21, 2014)

RideBarefoot said:


> You can RAFFLE them? After all the frequent flyer miles I have garnered going to Hades and back, and NOW I find out, after all these years, I have been doing this WRONG!!!



Yup! I raffled him off, keeping his kid and dog for a while... Best trade I ever made. 

That was a good dog! And the kid was pretty great, too!


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

Double post


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

Happy is a state of mind, rich or poor, sick or healthy. Just being glad for what you have. I havn't been faced with challenges that many have had, but I always hope to retain a good attitude. This life ain't nothing!


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

I would likely make the ultimate "hired hand", my skills, drive, and common sense decision making abilities allow me to work all day without supervision in nearly any situation. I work as hard for you as i do for myself. That said.... I would rather work with you, than for you. 

But an awfully lot of women seem to be looking for "pretty boys", and want those boys to take em out on the town constantly. Movies, dinner, concerts, bars anything to be away from the home. I don't understand why one would own a home and not want to be there???

I'm a homebody, there i said it, plain and simple, the ultimate truth.


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## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

doingitmyself said:


> I'm a homebody, there i said it, plain and simple, the ultimate truth.


I'm confused... you say this like it's a bad thing?


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

RideBarefoot said:


> I'm confused... you say this like it's a bad thing?


I know right!! ... But sometimes it feels like I'm the odd one. Especially the women here seem to be trying to get out of the country like they are missing something in the city. Funny, later in life all they want is a few acres and a little place out in the country with a few chickens, and maybe a goat or two. The best part is they want it very nearly where they lived as a child!!! :hair

I just never felt the need to move to the city, nothing there except stinky air, gun shots from handguns held sideways, giant racoon's, dirty alleys on garbage day, and lots of impatient people hopped up on $7 a cup coffee. Yes, sign me up for some of that.....:runforhills:


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

txtransplant said:


> I work clean cook and do repairs on truck and home. I dont go on dates all that often and sometimes i wish i had been stood up. Last one i went *on had the guy telling* me how the blacks and (pardon the expression)------s were ruining the country. Really! In what world do you say that to someone you dont even know that is obviously not all white? Then when i said i didnt want to go on anymore dates as polite as i could for a couple weeks had to get rude. Ugh, wish that one had stood me up.


 
So you're a women? Just asking...I couldnt tell from your ST introduction.:happy2:


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## txtransplant (Oct 15, 2014)

Oops sorry. Havent been on in a while. Yes a woman.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Im guessing that some disabled house hubbys had all day, day in and day out to see their wives come home dressed fancy, if not sexy, and by/in her casual conversation about the days events, he cooked up the idea that she was on the market, and the only way he felt he could respond to that was by scareing her into submission.


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