# "a good man"



## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

Mr. Bill's topic got me to thinkin about my internet dating days. It seemed like many of the women were looking for a "good man". 

It seemed like their definition varied, though.

What's ya'lls definition of a good man?


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## Vickie44 (Jul 27, 2010)

Takes pride in accomplishments made with ingenuity and work , no matter how small they may be

A gentle hand and voice with animals and children
.
Sense of responsibility

Recognizes that everything in moderation , including moderation kind of makes sense

Avoids drama and BS but likes to think about and discuss a variety of topics

Is paying attention to the world around them

Whose needs are simple


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## Judy in IN (Nov 28, 2003)

All of the above, PLUS he doesn't mind my riding with a cow jockey to an Amish sale in a week or two. 

WHAT a Sweetie!


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

mickm said:


> Mr. Bill's topic got me to thinkin about my internet dating days. It seemed like many of the women were looking for a "good man".
> 
> It seemed like their definition varied, though.
> 
> What's ya'lls definition of a good man?


I suspect that this will vary just about as much as what someone's definition of 'good looking' is and your question included proof of that statement; every one has different things that they like in both personality and appearance. So what a good man is to me will likely differ from most other women here, with some basic similarities since we're all a bit like-minded in many ways 

In addition to the fine qualities Vickie listed...

Sense of humor a MUST - ability to laugh at oneself and their partner, and just the general irony of life on any given day.

Generally optimistic in mindset - yep, we all know the world is going to hell in a hand basket and we need to keep that in mind; but please don't focus on the negative most of the time. 

Flexibility - some times the best laid plans just don't work the way they looked on paper or in our imagination. 

Strong but not harsh - this is the ability to guide without making another feel inept, inadequate or stupid.

Forgiveness - we all make mistakes, screw up, hurt each others feelings accidentally. 

Ability to communicate - I am not a mind-reader in good times or bad. Doesn't have to be wordy but let me in. 

Pride in their work - whether that be on the back of a garbage truck or in delivering pizzas or raising 500 head of grass fed beef. What he does isn't the issue, how he does it is. 

And be able to tolerate me when I am none of the above, and still love me 

(oh wait, this is definition of a good man, not the "Impossible Dream"...scratch that last line...LOL!)

Tongue firmly in cheek,

~ST


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

Sorry Mick. It's kinda like the definition of pornography. I can't put it into words, but I sure do know it when I see it.


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

See, that was kinda my point. I didnt realise it was so abstract!

I had spent my whole life tbinking i was,a good man because i didnt cheat, lie, was cwring, a good parent etc....

Imagine,my suprise!


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

mickm said:


> See, that was kinda my point. I didnt realise it was so abstract!
> 
> I had spent my whole life tbinking i was,a good man because i didnt cheat, lie, was cwring, a good parent etc....
> 
> Imagine,my suprise!


And I suspect you are a good man, perhaps just not good for the particular person you did not connect with. 

Then there is always the other side - perhaps the person deeming you not a good man, is not a good woman (whatever abstract that may be!)

Just be yourself, as that is the only authentic thing you can be. 

~ST


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

Oh, i wasnt implying i had low self esteem. I guess i was just reinforcing my opinion that this just realoy complicated! :nana:


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Yup! It's awfully complicated!


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## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

Judy in IN said:


> All of the above, PLUS he doesn't mind my riding with a cow jockey to an Amish sale in a week or two.
> 
> WHAT a Sweetie!


Topeka?:clap:


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

Most girls, when asked that,,just present a picture of ME !!:happy:


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## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

Interesting to me that the standard: good job, nice car and nice home are lacking in the above nice guy qualifications. I wonder if a guy met the earlier listed requirements, but was out of work, drove a beater vehicle and was looking for a place to live would suddenly bring the standard, job, car, home onto the list? Or doesn't that matter? Clearly, at this stage in our lives, requirements change. Alot or a little?


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

L.A. said:


> Most girls, when asked that,,just present a picture of ME !!:happy:


Only after they run out of pictures of me


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Shrek said:


> Only after they run out of pictures of me


It took only one picture of the Ogre pulling to candle wax outta his ear to turn to the next guy.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Shrek said:


> Only after they run out of pictures of me


Ya sure about that, here is your picture... Next. 
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7__TG7swg0[/ame]

Sorry bout funning with ya, but it is just to darned fun, teehee.


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

haypoint said:


> Interesting to me that the standard: good job, nice car and nice home are lacking in the above nice guy qualifications. I wonder if a guy met the earlier listed requirements, but was out of work, drove a beater vehicle and was looking for a place to live would suddenly bring the standard, job, car, home onto the list? Or doesn't that matter? Clearly, at this stage in our lives, requirements change. Alot or a little?


Personally, *I* would not care what sort of vehicle he drove. No job, no home? MUST draw the line there! Done that once, and it was a hellish situation for me.
Sorry if that bursts anyone's bubble (no, I'm really not sorry.)


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

HEY! Don't go knocking Shrek. He's a much more of a prince than that ogre of a charming ever has been! :grin:


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

mickm said:


> Mr. Bill's topic got me to thinkin about my internet dating days. It seemed like many of the women were looking for a "good man".
> 
> It seemed like their definition varied, though.
> 
> *What's ya'lls definition of a good man*?


1. Knows his Creator, and He is first in his life.

2. Honesty. To a fault.

3. Work ethic second to none.

4. Takes care of himself. 
It is said that a man is to 'care for / love his woman, like he cares for his own body'. 
If he abuses, or ignores his body, how can he possible love another?

5. He is the leader. The head. He is not 'soft' or 'easily manipulated'.

6. He is more action, than words.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> Interesting to me that the standard: good job, nice car and nice home are lacking in the above nice guy qualifications. I wonder if a guy met the earlier listed requirements, but was out of work, drove a beater vehicle and was looking for a place to live would suddenly bring the standard, job, car, home onto the list? Or doesn't that matter?


I think it would depend on the circumstances. 

If a man were disabled, or temporarily poor because of a devastating divorce settlement, or had been a single parent, I'd evaluate that differently than one who had a good job but blew all of his money at the casino.


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## Jenstc2003 (Apr 4, 2012)

There are many things that go together to make a "good man"- and the specific mix that makes any one individual a "good man" will probably vary, because not every man has every characteristic that could conceivably be important, and not every woman wants exactly the same traits. I do have a short list of "absolutes" which I think most women would place high on their lists- for me, a man who does not have these would not make the cut: faithful and dedicated to God and family, caring and gentle to those around him, hard working, a good sense of humor, willing to be flexible, and willing to communicate about the important things. A man who has those things is probably a pretty darned good man.

A man who shares at least some of my political and religious views is also very high on my personal list.


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## Jenstc2003 (Apr 4, 2012)

I think those things are certainly "on the radar" for most of us- in that a man who doesn't have those things would at least give us pause- but do they make you a good man or unworthy of finding someone? I don't think so. I personally would consider WHY the person didn't have those advantages before I said yea or nay. If he had made a conscious choice not to have car, for example, why did he do that, and is he willing to deal with the fact that I WILL have one? As for jobs- is he handicapped so that he could not work? If not, why is he not working? For myself, I am not willing to support a man financially over the long term because I believe that a man should be the leader in that area and many others. So many men want women to take that role, and I think that causes more problems than it solves. That is not to say that I won't work- it just means I do not want to be the sole bread winner or to have the higher salary for an extended period of time. Does not having a job at a particular moment in life make him ineligible? No, not as long as he is looking actively within his field and is willing to take whatever comes for the time being. Not owning his own home is not an issue for me, but living with his parents may indicate other issues that might be. Living with roommates? Not a big deal because we've all been there. In short, I think these are all situational. 




haypoint said:


> Interesting to me that the standard: good job, nice car and nice home are lacking in the above nice guy qualifications. I wonder if a guy met the earlier listed requirements, but was out of work, drove a beater vehicle and was looking for a place to live would suddenly bring the standard, job, car, home onto the list? Or doesn't that matter? Clearly, at this stage in our lives, requirements change. Alot or a little?


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## summerdaze (Jun 11, 2009)

For me, He believes in God, family, and country, and is loyal/faithful to all 3. Honesty and integrity of course. Is kind to every living thing. Is a mostly positive person who doesn't critisize or complain too much. Someone who will treat me as his equal, the yen to his yang, a 50/50 partner, and is not intimidated by that. Laughs and smiles easily. Has a spontainious and romantic side, as well as a sense of adventure. One who likes to keep things simple.


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

Interesting that folks who find religion important, also believe a man should be the bread winner.

Interesting.

So many different definitions!


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## summerdaze (Jun 11, 2009)

mickm said:


> Interesting that folks who find religion important, also believe a man should be the bread winner.
> 
> Interesting.
> 
> So many different definitions!


Speaking just for me of course.. I don't find organized religion as important, as much as faith, respect, trust, and love in a higher power. For me, this has nothing to do with the whole bread winner thing. I assume he would have some sort of job, I would have some sort of job, and we'd just combine our bread, no biggie.


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

haypoint said:


> Interesting to me that the standard: good job, nice car and nice home are lacking in the above nice guy qualifications. I wonder if a guy met the earlier listed requirements, but was out of work, drove a beater vehicle and was looking for a place to live would suddenly bring the standard, job, car, home onto the list? Or doesn't that matter? Clearly, at this stage in our lives, requirements change. Alot or a little?


Well, at one time, since I owned property, had a good job and a car, I entertained the fact that maybe there was a man out there starting over as well, who might be interested in partnering, maybe not even romantically, with someone that had similar interests and would be willing to invest energy and income into developing my place. I couldn't figure out how I would logistically manage finding someone or two like that to meet/interview whatever you'd call it, determine if they were of good character and had many more of the skills that I didn't, without putting myself at risk being a woman living alone in a remote part of the country. Then I figured that most men like to be the ones to bring the 'stuff' to the table that provide a show of security and that they might not like it a whole lot being in that position. 

When I got laid off and tried unsuccessfully to find work in the area (I brought my job with me when I purchased the place), and had to move back to where corporate offices were, I realized that it would be difficult for even two people working the lower paying, non-local jobs to make it fly. The place needs some minor work, it needs fencing to raise even small stock, the garden area has gone to weed seed, etc. That meant I'd have to work off farm, considering I could find work, and he'd have to come in with either some great skill that the locals didn't know was needed, or come with other kinds of income, and the whole shebang just didn't seem like it would coalesce without a whole lot of flat out luck and extraordinary timing. I didn't have the luxury of time or capital to try to figure a good way to do it. What would I do anyway, place an ad? "Able bodied man needed to make micro-farm work, must be employable or have own income. Owner of home may be part of package deal to be arranged?" LOL! I know men can order mail-order brides, but it doesn't seem to be the cat's meow when it's a woman looking 

So now I'm going to try to sell, short-sell, or if I have to, go into foreclosure because I can't find a way to make it work. Even though I've reduced my costs of living, I'd still need a decent salary and more than 24 hours a day to make it work by myself. Plus I sold my rider mower, my push mower, my tiller and a lot of my tools just to keep myself afloat down here while I figured out what to do with the place. 

In the face of all of that, someone owning a home or having a nice new car wouldn't have been any kind of issue - beater cars are usually paid for and have only maintenance and insurance as expenses, rather than a car payment. Owning a beater car can also mean great mechanical skills, something I sorely lack and would find a great bonus in a man's skill set.

So yeah, at this stage of our lives requirements change. I guess once I get rid of my place, the additional bonus I'll have to offer is "Untethered, can relocate as long as there is work within reasonable travel distance." (laughing)

Life is curiously interesting and you just have to hang on and enjoy the scenery even when the ride totally sucks!

~ST


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## bstuart29 (Jul 11, 2006)

mickm said:


> Interesting that folks who find religion important, also believe a man should be the bread winner.
> 
> Interesting.
> 
> So many different definitions!


Some do but I think maybe they meant more just a steady job. Yes the definition of good man or good woman depends on the person but if I had to define it in a few works for both it be a honest hardworking person.


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## Guest (Mar 10, 2013)

haypoint said:


> Interesting to me that the standard: good job, nice car and nice home are lacking in the above nice guy qualifications. I wonder if a guy met the earlier listed requirements, but was out of work, drove a beater vehicle and was looking for a place to live would suddenly bring the standard, job, car, home onto the list? Or doesn't that matter? Clearly, at this stage in our lives, requirements change. Alot or a little?


It doesn't matter..
People can and do lose all material things in the blink of an eye..those "things" are nice, but possession of an excellent character is indeed, priceless.


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## Jenstc2003 (Apr 4, 2012)

Yeah- there are a hundred different views of what makes a good man, lol. 

Religion does make a big difference in your view of the world in a lot of ways. Overall, though, I think today even the most traditional and religious of women are more welcoming of the idea of working outside of the home, especially those who have gone to college with an eye towards taking care of themselves. Personally, I know I would not mind for a minute keeping both of the jobs I have now or something similar and I would not expect a man to pay off my college loans for me- but most of us more traditional types at some level do want a man who will be the leader in the home and community. What that means for each person varies, though. I have always believed that cooperation between a husband and wife is necessary- he needs to ask me my thoughts on issues and honestly discuss them with me before he makes a major decision that affects me- but a man who actually listens to his wife and considers her opinions as well as his own will in most cases be someone with a reasonable overall view of most issues and should be able to make trustworthy and well thought out decisions for the family when called upon to do so. 



mickm said:


> Interesting that folks who find religion important, also believe a man should be the bread winner.
> 
> Interesting.
> 
> So many different definitions!


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## viggie (Jul 17, 2009)

I don't think having "things" (even if they are necessities) is as important as the ability to build a life with everything you need together.


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

Maybe thats one of my failings, i believe each perdon should share equally in decisions. That way credit and blame can be shared equally.

I dont ever want the responsibility of being the sole bread winner, or decidion maker, of a fsmily. I can do that as a single dad, but my sons dont bust me for making mistakes. I am fallible, snd sppreciate input from others i respect.

It is a burden to always be the responible one. Honestly, if i make all of the money and all of the decidions, why am i in a relationship? 

Probably why i suppose i will always be single. I truly want a partner in life.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Terri in WV said:


> HEY! Don't go knocking Shrek. He's a much more of a prince than that ogre of a charming ever has been! :grin:


Terri, I rather like the Ogre. He comes off all tough but really deep down he is a sweetheart.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

mickm said:


> Maybe thats one of my failings, i believe each perdon should share equally in decisions. That way credit and blame can be shared equally.
> 
> I dont ever want the responsibility of being the sole bread winner, or decidion maker, of a fsmily. I can do that as a single dad, but my sons dont bust me for making mistakes. I am fallible, snd sppreciate input from others i respect.
> 
> ...


I don't see that as a failing. I actually see that as a plus, and I also have a lot of other ideas, but the sun and my garden are calling my name so I will have to write more about my thoughts later.


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## bstuart29 (Jul 11, 2006)

cindilu said:


> Terri, I rather like the Ogre. He comes off all tough but really deep down he is a sweetheart.


Have you been drinking or maybe ya meant a different ShrekLOL


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

LOL, no drinking. 

Shrek on tv I have always liked. I know he comes off as gruff and doesn't want any one in his space and has bad manners but I also think he is sweet. Shrek has always been a favorite character of mine. 

Shrek, the one who mods is also a nice guy. He puts up with a lot of BS with out pay just to sit and baby sit us all. He has the patience of a saint and is over all a pretty good guy.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

Having "stuff" really only becomes an issue when you are considering being with someone who doesn't have any.
Being a hard worker really only becomes an issue when you are with a man who isn't.
Being attractive really only becomes an issue when you are not attracted to someone.

Things only become issues when they are lackiing in the relationship.


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

shanzone2001 said:


> Having "stuff" really only becomes an issue when you are considering being with someone who doesn't have any.
> Being a hard worker really only becomes an issue when you are with a man who isn't.
> Being attractive really only becomes an issue when you are not attracted to someone.
> 
> Things only become issues when they are lackiing in the relationship.


EXCELLENT post, Shan!


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## YellowRabbit (Mar 3, 2013)

I just had to post on this:
I agree with Shanzone2001, but here is my kicker...a man who is willing to learn. a man who can work next to me, without babying me or getting tired faster then me. a man who can be in the kitchen with me and we can work together with out feeling cramped, a man who can drive a truck and not say a word and listen to me, and know you don't have to respond or sometimes listen. he should be able to learn with me and not laugh at some of my more crazy ideas, and every once in awhile let me fail. If I want to try growing a new veggie that you know wont grow, let me....it might work, lol.
I want a partner, some one who one day we can read and be lazy, the next day lets go camping with our tent, and hike. then the next weekend I may want to go dancing in the city or to a museum, then the next weekend I want to bust our butts in the yard.
and a man who puts family first, as much as I do....
I don't really care if he makes money, to me its not the finances its if I work all day and your home busting your but in the field you are working, if your home taking care of the homestead and I work, I don't care,,,,as long as you don't touch my rabbits lol.
I have a truck and if you maintain it then you are worth the truck payment.
I find myself very spiritual and Christian, but in todays world I wouldn't leave my job and the benefits that come with it, I make decent money but I would not expect the man to make more or less as long as we had the same priorities then we could make it work.
anyway...I pry could go on forever, but for 7 years I have looked and not found with the chemistry maybe most of us are so locked into what we think we want we wont give the right one a try?


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

The thing that makes what most of us want in a relationship comes down really to two words: Respect and Partnership.

I think that fits for both men and women on here.

The rest is just details that make up chemistry, attraction or whatever you call it that varies from person to person.

Most of the women here know how to hold their own, as well as the men, heck, we're all doing it in one way or the other. 

Eventually the time will be right, especially if we're happy with ourselves in the meantime and doing the best we are able.

~ST


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

I like men. I like them a lot. I donât have a lot of requirements for them. I love to watch them enjoying their lives and their environments. Go golf, go fish, go hunt, go play with your buddies, go build something, go pee all over the property. I wonât nag and you donât, either.

I have my inviolate areasâ¦ I expect you do, too. Donât try and rearrange my kitchen, and I promise to leave your workshop/barn/shed alone. Heck, it took me over a year to start rearranging my (now) workshop, because it felt so much like trespassing after my husband died. Iâll learn and respect your rules if youâll learn respect mine. Of course you can cook and play in the kitchen â just learn the rules. There aren't THAT many. And I wonât borrow your tools without asking if youâll do the same.

Donât try to control me, though I respond well to kindly-put requests. I hope you do, too, because I have no need to make you into something youâre not. Think and do as you please. Youâre an individual. Try to remember, so am I.

Please donât hang the heads of dead animals on our walls. Weâll find a place for them. Probably your den. I'd rather not have impromptu staring contests.

Donât make more work for me than I already have. Iâll pull my weight as well.

I donât care if you make any money. Iâll respect you utterly if you create some value.

Be honest, true and responsible to yourself, and I know you will do the same for me. Iâll do likewise. Have a lick of empathy. Keep yourself clean and tidy â at least if you want to spend time close to me. The rest of the time, Iâll probably be whispering near, trying for a whiff. Take care of your teeth, even if you paid someone else for them.

Thatâs about it, I think.

See why this is an exercise in futility, mickm? You're a good man... to SOMEONE. You just have to find the right someone.  THAT... is the true trick. Do that, and the rest is crackers.


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

Sure are a lot of requirements,,,,,I just want to get a little,,,,,,


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

If you fulfill some of the requirements, it might not be so challenging.


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

I can full-fill something,,,,:goodjob:


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## no1cowboy (May 2, 2004)

Raeven said:


> I like men. I like them a lot. I donât have a lot of requirements for them. I love to watch them enjoying their lives and their environments. Go golf, go fish, go hunt, go play with your buddies, go build something, go pee all over the property. I wonât nag and you donât, either.
> 
> See why this is an exercise in futility, mickm? You're a good man... to SOMEONE. You just have to find the right someone.  THAT... is the true trick. Do that, and the rest is crackers.


 
I can do that ...to bad your not in Canada!


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## YellowRabbit (Mar 3, 2013)

that fulfillment isn't that hard, its the growing old together holding hands and seeing what you both created together, but
that other thing is nice too


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

Well, L.A.... it's a start.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

no1cowboy said:


> I can do that ...to bad your not in Canada!


LOL, funny... I've thought that a time or two myself!


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

L.A. said:


> I can full-fill something,,,,:goodjob:


 But only if she's breathing; the man does have SOME ethics 


~ST


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

I've read all the posts here and agree with most of them....all I know is that it is a package deal kind of thing...it has to be a combination of a lot of things...some of those things negotiable and some of those things are not..All I can say is that I know it when I see it....and yes I have found it...LOL...right here on ST....but we don't want to say anyting yet...it is too soon for that....I know that these things take time to develop...all I will say is that he is "a good man".....:dance:


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Im wondering if LA is left handed, and if that is benificial in, as he says, (all I wanna do is get a little.) lol


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

?????????

&#9834; &#9835; "Takes two hands, to handle a whopper" &#9835;


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

yeah, I know, but if youll look at your 2 posts you got the smilely with its L hand waveing back and forth lol.


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

It's simple. A good man is a leader, who seeks knowledge and understanding, from many sources. And I ain't there yet!


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

littlejoe said:


> It's simple. A good man is a leader, who seeks knowledge and understanding, from many sources. And I ain't there yet!


What a great point of view! You sound like a "good man" to me. littlejoe.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

Regarding the "man can learn" concept:

I am not your mother and will not teach you how to be a man.
If you haven't learned how to be a responsible man by this point (I am talking men 45+) then I doubt you ever will.

Yes, a man can learn to garden, raise animals or other skills, but if you haven't figured out how to treat a woman, pay your bills or keep a job by now it is waaaaay too late!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Id say u right SZ


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

FarmboyBill said:


> Id say u right SZ


 
I usually am right, Bill!!! rincess:


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

I believe Depeche Mode said it best..

[youtube]mNqbmVsdl3k[/youtube]


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

Ummmm, Fowler. I said it best! Hellllloooooooo!!!


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Hello my sweet tasty flower


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

U beaN tasteing her flowers Fowler??


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## Jenstc2003 (Apr 4, 2012)

Sure sounds like you are definitely on the right track, though. *Gives an encouraging hug* Noone will ever quite be perfect-making the effort is all one can ask. 



littlejoe said:


> It's simple. A good man is a leader, who seeks knowledge and understanding, from many sources. And I ain't there yet!


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

FarmboyBill said:


> U beaN tasteing her flowers Fowler??


 
Of course she has been, Bill. Where have YOU been? :hammer:


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

My definition of a good man is not G rated..which means I cannot post it here. I have too many expletives for expression...and they are necessary...as I have tried for a week to formulate my ideas without them and my brain keeps seizing. Feel free to PM for details


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## BetsyK in Mich (May 14, 2002)

Ever hear the essay "So God made a Farmer"? That pretty well sums up what I'm looking for in a man. Pretty tall order . . . so at this age I'm getting comfortable with being single.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Im comfortable with being single, and since im not sure i could ever say I had happiness in my life. I think being comfortable is pretty darn good.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

FarmboyBill said:


> Im comfortable with being single, and since im not sure i could ever say I had happiness in my life. I think being comfortable is pretty darn good.


I am glad to hear that you are comfortable, but I hope you do meet someone and find the type of joy a good relationship can bring.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

I know what a good man is...

When the cat eats the mouse cookies that the wife made the night before for a party at work, and the wife finds the destroyed cookies and starts bawling, the good man holds his wife in his arms and consoles her....

*WITHOUT* smiling.

Mon


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Okay, I have been thinking about this and have come up with my own long list so here it is. 

First and foremost I want a working partner, someone I could work beside and who will work beside me. I do not want to be the head, nor do I want them to be the complete head. I want to be a equal partner in the relationship. 

I want someone who likes to garden and will garden beside me. Who likes the earth and is willing to try to live off the land as much as possible. 

I would like someone who likes to can, is willing to learn or willing to help me with projects. Someone who enjoys going to the orchards to pick fruit, have fun, tease with and make memories. 

Someone who is not into money, the newest tv show, or newest boats, toys, etc. Who likes a simple life without all the extras the people think they need in their lives. 

Someone who is kind to children and has a loving heart, who sees animals or people in need and is willing to help them. 

Someone who has a conservative side to them, not overly religious but loves the Lord. I do not have a religion but I do have a relationship with my creator. That is important to me that you do as well. 

One who NEEDS to be in the mountains or woods, not because they like it, but because they NEED it for their soul. 

Someone who would enjoy doing the same things I enjoy, camping, hiking, shooting guns, homesteading, gardening, and always learning. And I would want to do the same thing for them. Hang out with them, even if it isn't something I would normally like, but hang just to have time with them. 

Someone who does not want to change me but just let me be me. Who accepts me, faults and all and is okay that I am not perfect but also willing to work with me on the areas that I know I need help with. 

Okay, so this is just a start of my list, and I know I have left stuff out, but it does give an idea of what I am looking for in a good man.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

He has to be good-looking. Sorry if I sound shallow, but if I don't find a man attractive then it is hard to make things work.
When I say attractive, I mean attractive to me, not society's definition of attractive.

I have dated a couple of men that I was not attracted to and I tried really, really hard to make it work. I told myself that I was being shallow and that I should look beyond the exterior. Well, it never lasted because I had to be honest with myself and I also realized that it was not fair for him to be with a woman who did not find him attractive.
I have never told a man that is why I wouldn't continue to date him, but it was in fact the reason.

For those of you who say looks don't matter, you are either lying or a really, really unique human being because it is really difficult to be intimate with someone you are not physically attracted to.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Cindi, Nother place, nother time, 30yrs ago lol. U and I woulda had a 40 paid off in Kansas, with a creek running through it, 2, 2 story houses put together, 7 rooms, 3 bedrooms, 2 porches, garage with canning room attached and shed behind that, barn, chicken house, hog shed, grainery/corn crib, well, O WELL. Nother time, nother place.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

FarmboyBill said:


> Cindi, Nother place, nother time, 30yrs ago lol. U and I woulda had a 40 paid off in Kansas, with a creek running through it, 2, 2 story houses put together, 7 rooms, 3 bedrooms, 2 porches, garage with canning room attached and shed behind that, barn, chicken house, hog shed, grainery/corn crib, well, O WELL. Nother time, nother place.


 
Really? Wow!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I said, (I am comfortable with my life, and since I dont know if I ever felt happiness, feeling comfortable is pretty darn good)

SZ wrote (I am happy that you have found contentment, but I hope that you can find the kind of person who can bring you true joy and happiness)

I have had this, or the sentiments therein wrote to me many times. 
NOT ONCE, have I ever had someone write

I hope you never fdind some old bag who will come with plenty of misery of her own from failed relationships, looking to chawk up another with you, while cleaning out your heart, soul, and wallet. AND leaveing you with a new sense of misery and wipeing out that comfortableness you felt before you met her. LOL


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## bstuart29 (Jul 11, 2006)

cindilu said:


> Okay, I have been thinking about this and have come up with my own long list so here it is.
> 
> First and foremost I want a working partner, someone I could work beside and who will work beside me. I do not want to be the head, nor do I want them to be the complete head. I want to be a equal partner in the relationship.
> 
> ...


Are ya sure thats it, there is still bandwith to post a little moreLOL


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

FarmboyBill said:


> Cindi, Nother place, nother time, 30yrs ago lol. U and I woulda had a 40 paid off in Kansas, with a creek running through it, 2, 2 story houses put together, 7 rooms, 3 bedrooms, 2 porches, garage with canning room attached and shed behind that, barn, chicken house, hog shed, grainery/corn crib, well, O WELL. Nother time, nother place.


That is a awful lot of house, LOL. I would be happy with four rooms, I love the small house movement. Oh and I also know how I would handle those snarky moods you can get yourself into. :kiss:


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

shanzone2001 said:


> He has to be good-looking. Sorry if I sound shallow, but if I don't find a man attractive then it is hard to make things work.
> When I say attractive, I mean attractive to me, not society's definition of attractive.
> 
> I have dated a couple of men that I was not attracted to and I tried really, really hard to make it work. I told myself that I was being shallow and that I should look beyond the exterior. Well, it never lasted because I had to be honest with myself and I also realized that it was not fair for him to be with a woman who did not find him attractive.
> ...



True, Shan! The attraction *has to be* mutual.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Those so called snarkey moods are created for thwe sole porpose of keeping perpective femalers thinking that, somewhere in the back of there beady, sneaky minds, I might be like that.

Had we met back in 68, and had you been around anywhere from 15 to 35, and had known you had all the atra butes lol that you say you have, We would have had that place paid off in 10yrs, and been living debt free by now, and for some years for now. Raising cows, for money,. sows for meat, chickens for eggs and meat, and as big a garden as you wanted to handle.
I moved 3 gals from St Joe Mo there, and none liked it. Sounds like you would have thrived there. End of road also.

Now im looking for a place with 7up lol acres. No telling how old id be, IF I made it to getting it paid off.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

bstuart29 said:


> Are ya sure thats it, there is still bandwith to post a little moreLOL


Oh Billy Boy, I know just how I would handle a snarky comment like that as well... :kiss::kiss:


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

nehimama said:


> True, Shan! The attraction *has to be* mutual.


 
Yes, it does. So many people will say things like, "It's what's inside that counts" or "Love the person for who they are, not what they look like."
Blah, blah, blah!

I have tried to be with a man I liked as a person, but I just couldn't get past the fact that I was not attracted to him. :yuck: When we were out in public I found myself looking at other men...which was not fair to him and very frustrating for me. I thought he might "grow on me" as some folks say will happen, but I really doubt that happens very often.


Call me crazy, but when I am with a man, I want to be able to look across the table and think, "Wow! You are one good-looking guy!" :thumb:


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## bstuart29 (Jul 11, 2006)

cindilu said:


> Oh Billy Boy, I know just how I would handle a snarky comment like that as well... :kiss::kiss:


Always wanting to kiss meLOL. It wasn't snarky more funnyLOL


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Did she get her billys mixed up? She was kissing me a couple minutes ago lol


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Both of ya need a time out. 

FBB, it is fun planning and dreaming and working on a homestead together, sorry to say but much better together then dreaming alone.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

Hmmmm....seems like Cindilu is in the middle of a Billy sandwich!!!! eep:


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Ya better duck girlfriend. Nah, neither of them would want me. I work my behind off and would drive them both crazy.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

I think if you just be who you are, eventually you will find those that are wanting whatever it is that you are. Trying to find a list of criteria to fill...as already proven here...is extremely subjective. I've found that I like people for the individual...if there was a list one person would fit portions of it and another would fit other portions of it.

It sounds really trite but being true to yourself works here...also being honest with yourself and.....if it fits...not denying yourself something if it's not perfect.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

FarmboyBill said:


> Cindi, Nother place, nother time, 30yrs ago lol. U and I woulda had a 40 paid off in Kansas, with a creek running through it, 2, 2 story houses put together, 7 rooms, 3 bedrooms, 2 porches, garage with canning room attached and shed behind that, barn, chicken house, hog shed, grainery/corn crib, well, O WELL. Nother time, nother place.


Bill, been thinking about this statement all evening and I have to say that is prolly the nicest thing you have said to me. Even though I know it is pretend it is still fun to dream about homesteading with another person besides yourself. So thank you for making my evening.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> 1. Knows his Creator, and He is first in his life.
> 
> 2. Honesty. To a fault.
> 
> ...





mickm said:


> Interesting that folks who find religion important, also believe a man should be the bread winner.
> 
> Interesting.
> 
> So many different definitions!





mickm said:


> Maybe thats one of my failings, i believe each perdon should share equally in decisions. That way credit and blame can be shared equally.
> 
> I dont ever want the responsibility of being the sole bread winner, or decidion maker, of a fsmily. I can do that as a single dad, but my sons dont bust me for making mistakes. I am fallible, snd sppreciate input from others i respect.
> 
> ...


I have a super serious question to ask, but I am gonna do it via pm incase you tell me to p off!! HA HA:thumb:


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> Maybe thats one of my failings, i believe each perdon should share equally in decisions. That way credit and blame can be shared equally.
> 
> I dont ever want the responsibility of being the sole bread winner, or decidion maker, of a fsmily. I can do that as a single dad, but my sons dont bust me for making mistakes. I am fallible, snd sppreciate input from others i respect.
> 
> ...


I don't know your age, but I have to wonder if some of this isn't generational.

My last husband was in his 60s and was honestly surprised that I didn't expect him to solve each and every problem that cropped up in my life. Apparently all of his previous wives (who were roughly his age) had ... to the point where one ran up thousands of dollars of credit card debt in secret, then dropped the bills in his lap one night and simply said, "I can't pay these." (Yikes!) 

In contrast, coming from a different generation, I fully expected to be an equal partner, and wouldn't have it any other way in a relationship.


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

shanzone2001 said:


> He has to be good-looking. Sorry if I sound shallow, but if I don't find a man attractive then it is hard to make things work.
> When I say attractive, I mean attractive to me, not society's definition of attractive.
> 
> I have dated a couple of men that I was not attracted to and I tried really, really hard to make it work. I told myself that I was being shallow and that I should look beyond the exterior. Well, it never lasted because I had to be honest with myself and I also realized that it was not fair for him to be with a woman who did not find him attractive.
> ...


I agree this is probably true for both sexes. 

But, what makes someone attracted to another? I know i am confused by even my own attractions, and am shocked when another is,attracted to me.

I think attractions bring us together, but cant hold us, and as we get older our focus narrows. Unfortunately, this prevents us from meeting folks who might put a large imprint on our lives.


I read folks requirements, on both of these threads, and wonder if they are not just walls? People dont wanta be hurt, so they make their definitions so precise thst nobody can ever fill them?

I dont know. It all seems counter productive to me.


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

willow_girl said:


> I don't know your age, but I have to wonder if some of this isn't generational.
> 
> My last husband was in his 60s and was honestly surprised that I didn't expect him to solve each and every problem that cropped up in my life. Apparently all of his previous wives (who were roughly his age) had ... to the point where one ran up thousands of dollars of credit card debt in secret, then dropped the bills in his lap one night and simply said, "I can't pay these." (Yikes!)
> 
> In contrast, coming from a different generation, I fully expected to be an equal partner, and wouldn't have it any other way in a relationship.



I dont know. I am 46, and my mom was 45, when i was born. You will have to trust me when i say that she didnt need a man for snything other then to reproduce! One of the most competent people i have ever met. Thst is not to say my dad wasnt, quite the opposite.

I am surpised at the women of any age who feel like they "need" a man, and the men who feel like they "need" a woman.

It just aint true.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I think, when it comes to men, Mae West said it best. (A good man is hard to find) lol


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

The reverse also is true ... ound:


> Call me crazy, but when I am with a man, I want to be able to look across the table and think, "Wow! You are one good-looking guy!"


For me, it works the other way around ... if I'm intrigued by someone's personality, I find them physically attractive, too. I can't imagine thinking, "OMG, he's so interesting ... I want to talk to him all night long ... " and not find the guy sexy, too. 

Of course, a lot of people go for a certain physical 'type' ... and there is nothing wrong with that, I guess! Can't help what turns you on. Three of my four husbands were tall and dark-haired, but honestly that's just a coincidence!


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

I guess I want both....I want to find him attractive and also be intrigued by his personality. I have met men who were attractive physically but I wasn't drawn to their personality.

I do have a certain physical "type" that I prefer....I appreciate a man who looks like a man. (Facial hair, strong hands, etc.)


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

mickm said:


> I am surpised at the women of any age who feel like they "need" a man, and the men who feel like they "need" a woman.
> 
> It just aint true.



Well said!!!:clap:


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Some times it seems the best looking men are not attractive in spirit. While that is not true for all, it does seem to be for most. 

That said I NEED to be attracted to my guy for it to be hot and steamy.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I think all guys would say the same about almost all attractive women


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## CntryDaydreamer (Mar 7, 2013)

Men or women there are always those out there saying they are "good" or are looking for a "good" one, but i think it depends on the relationship. The same person in a relationship with a different person it could bring out good or bad. 

Saying you want a good man is vague.. but if a woman put all that she wanted out there it would be a novel long and either the guys wouldn't read it or they would read it and pretend to be some person they aren't. Cynical I know but its sadly true. And if a guy really put what he wanted from a woman up he would get blocked *LOL*


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

mickm said:


> <snip>
> I am surpised at the women of any age who feel like they "need" a man, and the men who feel like they "need" a woman.
> 
> It just aint true.


Blame it on Michael Bolton...


Need: to require something because it is essential or very important

often confused with

Desire: to long for or wish for

However, if being in a relationship was very important to someone, I suppose that could be an honest need for that person in that scenario according to the above definition.

I have heard men say "Can't stand it when I hear a woman say she doesn't need a man, she just wants one." Many men need to feel needed, in my experience. Perhaps there are also women like that as well.

I suspect that because most of us here are slightly (okay much) more independent than your average bear, we think differently. 

Needy people of any gender or relationship status (partner, friend, family) tend to make me a little skittish and tend to leave me exhausted after spending time with them.

~ST


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

A good man only wants to change three things about me:
1. My last name
2. My address
3. My view on most men

 Found a g rated version.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

A good man to me is man of strong character who is confident, masculine in the
way I would define it and able to make women feel safe and
comfortable in his presence. It doesn't matter WHAT he looks like or what pick-up he drives or what brand of jeans he wears, I'm gonna be attracted to THIS guy.


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## xaguar_69 (Feb 8, 2006)

I may be a real bad boy but baby Im a real good man..... Tim Mcgraw says it best lol


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