# overwhelmed



## bama (Aug 21, 2011)

i cannot seem to get a hold on my clutter issues. i am doing much better with paper clutter since we bought a shredder and built a compost pile. 

but i still have problems getting everything done. i honestly couldn't tell you the last time i mopped the floor. eeek!

i was not brought up this way, nor was dh. we both try and try, but seem to get nowhere. i have tried flylady before, but. . .well, i didn't follow through.

the main issue is the toys. they overflow out of the playroom and contaminate the rest of the house! (mil has some serious shopping addictions, and the stuff gets dumped here)

other issue is my own hoarding tendencies. example - i mean to use up those walmart sacks, but they obviously mate and multiply overnight and i end up with tons of them.

does anyone have any suggestions or a kick in the pants for me? i hate living this way. i want to have company over, but can't right now.


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## acde (Jul 25, 2011)

once I started getting rid of 2 things for every 1 thing I brought into the house things got easier.
Keep 1 container in every room for toys. When it's full no more.... period. 
Wanting to fix the problem is a start, keep at it.

If mil is giving you stuff you don't need, take it back and keep the cash.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

bama said:


> i cannot seem to get a hold on my clutter issues. i am doing much better with paper clutter since we bought a shredder and built a compost pile.
> 
> but i still have problems getting everything done. i honestly couldn't tell you the last time i mopped the floor. eeek!
> 
> ...


This is a rhetorical question:

How is your relationship with your dh? How is the marriage? 
A lot of times, our 'outward' actions, are a refection of our 'inward' self. People who are in unhealthy relationships or who have not dealt with past traumatic experiences (bad childhood, etc) have more of a tendency to express that unfinished business in the form of 'clutter'.
Just something to think about.....

Now, assuming all is well in the world of relationships:
Clutter.
Pick ONE room. Only one.
Empty it.
Everything off the walls, everything out of the room. Everything. So that the room looked like it did the day you moved in......empty.
Dust the ceiling.
Clean the walls, top to bottom, soap and water.
Wash the windows and screens.
Clean the carpet.
ONLY ONLY ONLY ONLY put back what you ABSOLUTELY need in the room.
(IE: bedroom? bed, night stand, chest of drawers. THAT'S IT)
THE REST of the stuff is either sold, immediately. (NO 'storing till garage sale season'.) Given to good will OR thrown away.
When you are finished with this room.......protect it with your life. NO clutter. Let it be your safe spot. Your clean room.
Let it be your inspiration to do another room.....cleaning can be addictive!!

One room at a time.

Do you have someone you love and trust that can help you do this? Will your dh help you?? It's so much easier to do when someone is with you!!

MIL Issue?
Have your dh tell his mother that the toys, are too much. That you thank her and appreciate all that she does. Instead of toys, maybe take them to the park, or playground.....etc.
IF she will not stop buying the toys, BOX THEM UP, and give them away.. When she asks where her purchases are tell her that you boxed them up and took them to good will........


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## Lynx (Feb 25, 2012)

Move to a smaller place.
A Fire.
Write down everything that is bought or given.
Then - 
Put money away in your savings.
Cut off the TV and DVD's
Make everybody pitch in with the chores 
Get a "Mom's Day Off"
Get Rid of some of the stuff.
Take the extra bags with you and recycle or trash.

Have a family meeting before you buy anything!!!! even food.

James AKA Lynx


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## nancy237 (May 29, 2008)

I tend to save way too much also.

Its easiest for me to clean a whole space .

A drawer, a closet , a cabinet.

All that stuff goes on a tarp in my garage . Then the space gets cleaned & 
done so nice I want to keep it that way. The tarp stuff gets sorted for
1) a few things that can be kept
2) what goes to charity
3) rest is trash.

Its tons easier for me to look through a pile this way instead of evaluating 
each item. Also all the junk piled on a tarp make it look more like trash..

For the toys ..this used to work for me ..I divided up stuff into 
large containers..Then they got one container for a few days and 
then I rotated thru the others. They love the fresh toys every few days.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

The only thing that's really going to motivate you is the true desire to have nice, fresh, open spaces. And following through. All the ideas here are good ones.

It can seem an unsurmountable task. I know, my mother is a hoarder and is extremely emotionally attached to her stuff...and it's a real problem but one I have been actively battling with her for 7 years and finally the light is shining.

Not to suggest you are a true hoarder, but, I understand the clutter and etc. I am exactly the opposite of my mother regarding stuff. I cannot stand to have things unnecessary around...or too many of one thing. So it's a challenge to say the least. 

You've listed a few things that are issues. Make up your mind and set your resolve to solve one of those things each week. FINISH it...like someone said...DO NOT store the stuff for a garage sale "some day". Donate to goodwill and get a tax receipt instead.

Or donate to a church if they have one of those white elephant sales or to a daycare or whatever.


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## Caren (Aug 4, 2005)

good will is my best friend. I have trained my kids for years that if they don't wear it or like it we can give it to goodwill to find someone who needs it.

Plus nothing goes to waist because it it is torn or something it gets torn give it to good will they run the clothes through a baler and send them to 3rd world countries so nothing goes to waste.


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## mabeane (Jun 5, 2010)

Oh my..I can relate. I am old and still can't get it together. I don't have a lot of clutter but picking up and putting away seems such a challenge. There is always something else I want/need to do. My husband only cares that he has clean underwear and a good meal. I washed the bath mat yesterday and moments later he walks on it with muddy boots.(He does not notice messes) I will not bother him about this as he is a wonderful husband and a great person. But there are days..like today when it overwhelms me and I take myself to task for not keeping the house cleaner than I do.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Take the extra toys to Goodwill. Sort them out as to how often the children play with them. Same with the stuff MIL brings over.

My motto is "If I haven't used it in two years, out it goes!". It works. We are getting rid of everything, following that rule!

I can't remember the loads we've taken to Goodwill and to the dump! But, it looks great!


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## rainy5 (Oct 28, 2011)

we have five kids so I know the toy issue. This is what we did and now we have very little clutter. We took all the toys they where to big for and either sold them on craigslist as a package deal or gave them to goodwill ,salvation army just plain gave them away.Ask your mother in law to buy some clothes instead. even make her a list form a store if you have a mother in law that will go or this. I am lucky and mine does. She kept buying things they wouldn't wear and wasting money so we told her kindly she loves that we make her a list now and they get what they really want. Ikea is great for toys organizing. First you need to figure out what they really need or play with. Ask yourself this If there was a natural disaster tom. would I want to dig threw this for things I really need. That gets my kids cleaning their rooms out.My hubby has been down to katrina to help out so they have seen plenty of pictures and realize what we have today may be gone in a instant like a tornado. So many people have lost it all 
I couldn't keep up with all the toys and clothes. I wanted a clutter free home. I had to go room by room and ask myself what I really needed was it sentimental and if something bad happened like a house fire would I rebuy it ? would I miss it? Do I want to waste room for it or need to clean it or second time with the kids. The money I spent on it could it go for a vacation with my kids? Go room to room one room a day. with a trash bag and bag for donation and a bag to sell. All the dvd's we bought a book at best buy and took all the movies out and put them all in cut the front page from the dvd and they are all neat in one book. less space. I took all the cases to a resale store and donated them. I made 1300. for two months in a row on ebay selling all the items they never used and it helped pay for a trip to disneyworld. I have been actively cleaning out for five years the last two extensively. I make boxes for my neighbors kids and clothes to my neighbors. I was five years ago a clean hoarder I had closets full of knick knacks for different holidays and papers from taxes from when I was 18. It was all neat organized but if I had saved all the money from those items I could have went on so many trips. When it took two moving uhauls twice to move us and two days. My hubby said we really need to clean out. we sold bikes. I could have furnished three houses with what we sold on craigslist. No kidding I have sold three twin beds now we have just one for each kid. two couches, two dining sets. All the money we have use for family time out doing things. You will feel so much better when it is all gone and your house lloks good easier to clean. I kept going to my friends when I would have no motivation and her house is so simple and clean she inspires me. My house is clean but her house is like magazine clean everyday. I said to her I think someone sneaks in and does your laundry at night. she laughed. Her hubby starts the washer at 5 a.m.when he leaves for work. her wash is all done by 10 a.m. and away. I am not kidding when i tell you their clothes in the closet are all hung so neat and spaced so even. she has it all together. She needs to one of her children has a chronic condition. She has everyone on a schedule for a really good reason. She inspires me. I hope you get inspired and you just need to keep working at it and enjoy the same rewards when you get one room done. Good luck let us know how it goes. If I could post pictures of her house I would she would inspire alot of people.


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## mabeane (Jun 5, 2010)

Well..just voicing my frustration got me moving. Fridge cleaned. Sink shiny. Floor cleaned clutter picked up and tossed or put away. Hey I can do this!


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## rainy5 (Oct 28, 2011)

Oh I remember the days when it was just us two and the house was clean all the time.
I wouldn't trade my kids for the world but I sure would like then to clean up though! A day off would be nice!


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## bama (Aug 21, 2011)

Thanks for all the pointers. Mil does buy the girls clothes...all the time. Drives me nuts. I am trying to simplify, but she does nothing but buy buy buy.


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## OUVickie (Mar 8, 2003)

Something that helped me was realizing, even if I only get rid of one or two things per day it's a start. I try to put things in my car to recycle and donate when I see them in the way. That way they are out of the house and in the car when I'm in town and can get rid of them, it really helps.
I'm trying to stay away from the Thrift stores. I truly don't "need" anything. It helps me avoid spending even a small amount of money and bringing more clutter into the house. 

My DD complains about the same issues and I told her what I noticed was the amount of toys and clothes the kids have. I encouraged her to go through their toys and donate the stuff they aren't playing with. Same for clothes, even if it's just a bag at a time. Donate the stuff they've outgrown then it doesn't end up back in the laundry and such.

Don't get discouraged - encourage yourself every time you accomplish cleaning something up and getting rid of even one bag of stuff or throwing out a bag of trash. Remember you can de-clutter the same way it gets cluttered - one thing at a time!
I also understand about the MIL. My own Mom was a hoarder and I had to insist she only buy my DD toys at Christmas and on her birthday. It helped.
When I buy toys for the grandkids at Christamas, I don't insist that they take them home either. We have a bedroom and toy box for them here and it gives them something to play with when they visit. That way DD doesn't end up with more toys at her house. (and after Christmas, I cleaned out the toy box here at my house and donated stuffed toys and baby stuff that is no longer played with, it was wonderful!)

Just stay focused and keep trying. You'll get there!


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## ajulian (Mar 9, 2012)

I have been having issues figuring out what to get rid of. Lately I walk around with a walmart bag or trash bag and put 10-20 things in it. All the bags go in the back room until they are full and then they go to the SA. My clutter has been significantly cut . Good luck. Oh we had the same problem with toys. I got rid of a ton and explained to my MIL that I would keep doing so (she buys toys I do not like or used to). A few I store in the attic (our "active" toys) for winter. It has helped a lot.


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## olivehill (Aug 17, 2009)

bama said:


> i cannot seem to get a hold on my clutter issues. i am doing much better with paper clutter since we bought a shredder and built a compost pile.
> 
> but i still have problems getting everything done. i honestly couldn't tell you the last time i mopped the floor. eeek!
> 
> ...


99.9% of the time that is the problem. The one and only. The toys aren't the problem, the MIL isn't the problem, the paper isn't the problem... the following through is the problem. 

I don't mean to be harsh, but we can give you gobs of advice and if you don't follow through none of it matters. You just have to get up and do it. Few people really don't know the solution to their clutter problem. It's not rocket science. Clutter is, by definition, too much stuff without the spaces to keep it neat. The solution is less stuff and more organization, every time. There's no magic bullet, but we often get stuck trying to find one. Been there, done that.


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## Ruralnurse (Jun 23, 2011)

My sister used to use a trick. For those things that you keep because you think you may need them but not sure....

Put them in a cardboard box and seal it up tight with tape and put the date on it, month, day and year. In one year if you have not needed it or opened it, you take it to Goodwill WITHOUT opening it first. 

Just take it away, if you have not needed it in a year you don't need it. Now that does not count for keepsakes and such. But I always thought she was brave for that. 

Ruralnurse


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## thequeensblessing (Mar 30, 2003)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Clutter.
> Pick ONE room. Only one.
> Empty it.
> Everything off the walls, everything out of the room. Everything. So that the room looked like it did the day you moved in......empty.
> ...


Laura, this is how I got my house back on track years ago! It does work! After your rooms are clean though, you MUST have a method by which you keep them clean. We have rules now that we're very strict about. If you bring a toy, tool, clothes, or whathaveyou into a room, you take it back out again when you leave the room. Toys stay in bedrooms (or a playroom if you have one) or if they are brought to another room, once again, they get put away as soon as the child is finished with them. We also have a 20 minute run-around time, before bed. We set the kitchen timer for 20 minutes and everyone runs around and picks up their stuff and puts it away. The floors are vac'd or swept and the dishwasher turned on for the night. The kids always thought it was a sort of game and we had a "good job!" moment after we were done each evening. It's amazing how much that helps and it also teaches good things to the kids.


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## doozie (May 21, 2005)

I recently decluttered my home, I have only missed one thing, and I can easily replace it (if I even decide to). Your kids can get involved with donating toys. Let them pick things to donate, or sell. Set a limit on the number of things they can keep. I agree with starting on one room, but the idea to completely empty a room really seems like a great idea, you know it will be spotless after cleaning, and you will want to keep it that way! It seemed to get easier and easier for me to "let go" of stuff once I got started. I started to see it as just "stuff" that I had let get in my way.(you can use all those plastic bags to put the stuff you will be discarding)


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## OnlyMe (Oct 10, 2010)

I'll admit that I don't have children so I'm sure it's a bit easier but I am a relatively clean pack rat & my husband and I are both collectors. The key is to try to keep it all organized.

For example, collect all those plastic shopping bags in the house & push them (it doesn't have to be neat) into a trash bag - one with a drawstring works best. Put the full bag(s) in the basement or garage. Keep a few of the shopping bags out & start using them as your garbage bags ~ you will recycle them and save $ buying "real" garbage bags. Pull from the large bag when you need more & refill it with new bags.

I put all paper bags into the recycle bin - I used to save them but I don't use them and they just get dusty.

Try to keep like items with like ~ for example, I didn't know we had 10+ nail clippers until I rounded all of them up. I put one in each bathroom, another in the kitchen and put the rest in a ziploc baggie into my "nail care" plastic shoebox. I've stopped buying more & hence put a control in place. I did the same for tweezers etc.. Plastic shoe boxes stack well & with labels are great. You could start with cardboard shoe boxes & label them. (If you use all like labels it looks neater LOL).

I also instituted a rule for myself that all magazines must be current. It forces me to read them more regularly & if I don't they have to go. If I want to keep an article, I clip it, scan it & toss the paper. If I find I really don't read the magazine I don't renew it. Saves $ there as well.

Again, the key for me is to keep like with like. It allows me to see what I have & how much. 

You CAN get the house the way you want it. Just work on trying to find a home for each item one at a time. Be patient with yourself - it takes time to figure out a system but once you do it's pretty easy to keep up.


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