# Manners of the homeschooled....



## romysbaskets

What good manners have you taught your children being home schooled?

I will start off with a little of what my sons do. Often home schooling parents are not encouraged and I want to show some positive results by way of the manners topic. This is not meant to debate public versus home school affects. 

My sons open doors for women. Allow women and children out first in elevators. Offer assistance to women or elderly men and women with bags or really anything they need. They always rushed to help dock up boats on the island. My mechanical son, helps people that break down in parking lots or get stuck in the snow or need a jump for dead batteries. I will stop there and see what others post about their great kids!

We should be proud of our children for showing their manners. I want to see how many are having good results home schooling their children. I am proud of how far parents are willing to go for the home schooled children of today! :goodjob:

Only 3.4% of school aged children are home schooled in the US!


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## meandtk

I won't brag,but will say that I'm very grateful that my children love old people.
They know nothing of a generation gap, and I hope they never buy into that fallacy.


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## farmerDale

We home school. We have seen kids in regular schooling families with great manners. We have seen homeschooling kids with awful manners. 

Though I agree and think these are related to an extent to the fact of homeschooling, I think it is a parental issue. So if your kids are growing up great, homeschooled or not, pat yourself on the back, not their method of schooling.

We just got back from an HS conference. The final speaker was so obsessed that her kids became who they are soly because they were homeschooled. To the point where it was embarrassing, and I felt very concerned about how potential new HS parents may feel. 

When you pinpoint certain issues only as a reason, as a "proof" that HS works, I think you run the risk of ticking a lot of the non HS families off, and it gives we who do HS, a bad rap at times.

The conference is fresh in my mind, and so while I totally agree that kids can be formed into fine citizens through being schooled at home, we need to ensure we do not come across as somehow more uppity citizens.

I was not home schooled. But I still had manners. Cuz of who my parents were...


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## romysbaskets

I edited the post to be more specific. Just to clarify, I am not saying public schooled children do not have manners. It is often harder to home school children because those "parent teachers" are not always encouraged to and often are discouraged from home schooling. There are only 3.4% of school aged children in the US being home schooled. Both of my daughters felt that our raising their brothers on an isolated island (although we took them off frequently to civilization) would affect them adversely with their social skills. This was an issue with our girls until they had their brothers come stay with them on occasion. They changed their minds quickly as they saw all the benefits which should be shared. Then we moved their brothers to Colorado for higher education opportunities. They began with taking classes at a charter school and made some great friends. The charter schools here are a bridge with homeschooling parents, they are still home schooled. There will be good and bad teaching no matter where you go but it is nice for homeschooling parents to see good results others have had. It isn't about saying anything negative about the public school system. 

I am not starting a debate, this is about showing a positive side of home schooling that we personally enjoy. I am sure there are others out there that can post positive things about home schooling. I went to public school and yes, I have good manners too, which were taught at home. 

One class I came up with was my own Survival Class which was totally self designed. This taught my sons many life skills and what to do in emergencies of all kinds. Because I had the "freedom" to design my classes, they benefited in many ways. My youngest son could not flourish in public school, his reading disability is very real and was very severe for years. My other son is gifted and they did not have classes which challenged him. Not every child fits into the public school system so having the ability to home school is an option for parents like myself.


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## romysbaskets

farmerDale said:


> We home school. We have seen kids in regular schooling families with great manners. We have seen homeschooling kids with awful manners.
> 
> Though I agree and think these are related to an extent to the fact of homeschooling, I think it is a parental issue. So if your kids are growing up great, homeschooled or not, pat yourself on the back, not their method of schooling.
> 
> We just got back from an HS conference. The final speaker was so obsessed that her kids became who they are soly because they were homeschooled. To the point where it was embarrassing, and I felt very concerned about how potential new HS parents may feel.
> 
> When you pinpoint certain issues only as a reason, as a "proof" that HS works, I think you run the risk of ticking a lot of the non HS families off, and it gives we who do HS, a bad rap at times.
> 
> The conference is fresh in my mind, and so while I totally agree that kids can be formed into fine citizens through being schooled at home, we need to ensure we do not come across as somehow more uppity citizens.
> 
> I was not home schooled. But I still had manners. Cuz of who my parents were...


I edited my thread to be better worded. Home schooling affords the parents more time to hone certain skills like manners. The speaker you listened to sure puts a negative light on it by over stating and I don't agree with that stand point. My sons benefited immensely by home schooling, they needed it. 

I really like this part of what you said....

"I was not home schooled. But I still had manners. Cuz of who my parents were...[/QUOTE]"

I went to public school also but indeed I learned all my manners at home. I had a survivalist minded Father who taught us a great deal we never learned in public school and he was very strict. This isn't about what you learn in school, this is a positive thread about what kids learn at home and you are devoting your precious time to home schooling your own children. 

Raising children going to public school can be hard work! This isn't about pin pointing any issues.


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## Agriculture

farmerDale said:


> We home school. We have seen kids in regular schooling families with great manners. We have seen homeschooling kids with awful manners.
> 
> Though I agree and think these are related to an extent to the fact of homeschooling, I think it is a parental issue. So if your kids are growing up great, homeschooled or not, pat yourself on the back, not their method of schooling.
> 
> We just got back from an HS conference. The final speaker was so obsessed that her kids became who they are soly because they were homeschooled. To the point where it was embarrassing, and I felt very concerned about how potential new HS parents may feel.
> 
> When you pinpoint certain issues only as a reason, as a "proof" that HS works, I think you run the risk of ticking a lot of the non HS families off, and it gives we who do HS, a bad rap at times.
> 
> The conference is fresh in my mind, and so while I totally agree that kids can be formed into fine citizens through being schooled at home, we need to ensure we do not come across as somehow more uppity citizens.
> 
> I was not home schooled. But I still had manners. Cuz of who my parents were...


Thank you for that. If more home schoolers had your attitude I might be able to be a little bit more tolerant and accepting of it despite my aversion to it. I'm sure that there are more like you, and many others in between, but I have also seen some personally whose ignorance runs so deep as to distrust absolutely everything about the government run school systems that they home school for that reason alone, despite their complete lack of ability and qualifications. Anything and everything outside of their little Hillybilly Hollow is suspect, including them high falutin teachers who weren't born here, with those fancy college degrees from the big city state college. I am really sad for those poor children who stand a small chance to be introduced to a more open minded way of thinking.

There is another option which is frequently ignored, private schools. I know, they cost too much. Well, like many things it depends on your perspective and your priorities. Not all private schools are for the ultra rich. Many are affordable, some have discounts for multiple children from the same family, grants and other forms of tuition assistance. Some private schools even have programs for needy families who can't afford it. Like anything else, where there is a will there is a way, depending on how badly you want it. I submit that if the parent who was doing the homeschooling took a part time job that took the same amount of hours every day, assuming that you are doing it properly and thoroughly, you will make enough money to cover a private school tuition, with the greater benefit of having your children taught by people who have made it their career to study the best ways in doing so, rather than just flying by the seat of your pants and hoping that you are covering enough to help them achieve their ultimate potential. The other benefit is that you are avoiding much of the rif raf in both the student body and the staff, as well as the curriculum, and usually getting a lot better discipline than in the public schools. 

As for the manners issue, a lot of that comes from just the environment that they will be exposed to, or rather will not be. Either way, public, private or home, it is still the parents' job to fine tune those manners. It is not as though private or public school parents never teach their children anything. That is another myth that a lot of home schoolers allow themselves to believe, often as part of the smoke screen that they use to justify their decision in the first place.

Also, manners can be personal and regional, and held individually to a degree. My wife and I are from different regions of the country. There are several things we each and our families do or do not do that the other still cannot fathom, but are perfectly acceptable on the other side. I hold the door for people behind me. Anyone, male, female, young or old, as a sign of common respect for anyone around me, unless they give me cause not to. I do not hold it open, step aside with a bow and a flourish of my hand and allow a woman to pass by. This isn't the middle ages. Some people still feel that is necessary. I say that everyone deserves the same respect, no one more or less just because of some outdated unwritten rule. I don't take off my hat in restaurants. Fancy restaurants yes, because a hat isn't worn with a suit and tie indoors anyway, but family style places no. Some people still feel that shows disrespect. Well, you won't catch me talking on my cell phone at dinner, letting my children run up and down the aisles or screaming at the waitress if I am unhappy with my meal.


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## FarmerKat

farmerDale said:


> We home school. We have seen kids in regular schooling families with great manners. We have seen homeschooling kids with awful manners.
> 
> Though I agree and think these are related to an extent to the fact of homeschooling, I think it is a parental issue. So if your kids are growing up great, homeschooled or not, pat yourself on the back, not their method of schooling.
> 
> We just got back from an HS conference. The final speaker was so obsessed that her kids became who they are soly because they were homeschooled. To the point where it was embarrassing, and I felt very concerned about how potential new HS parents may feel.
> 
> When you pinpoint certain issues only as a reason, as a "proof" that HS works, I think you run the risk of ticking a lot of the non HS families off, and it gives we who do HS, a bad rap at times.
> 
> The conference is fresh in my mind, and so while I totally agree that kids can be formed into fine citizens through being schooled at home, we need to ensure we do not come across as somehow more uppity citizens.
> 
> I was not home schooled. But I still had manners. Cuz of who my parents were...


I think this is a really great perspective. 

I think it also depends ... Our only experience with public school was during pre-K years when my son attended speech therapy there. It was wonderful and I have not seen anything that would concern me behavior-wise that was taught there. Overall, it was a great experience.

On the other hand, both kids briefly attended a private preschool. We teach that it is proper to reply with "sir" or "ma'am" when speaking to adults. I have personally witnessed a teacher at this private (church) preschool to yell at a 3 year old girl when she replied "yes ma'am" to "Would you like more ice cream?". The principal completely backed the teacher in this saying that saying "ma'am" is a southern thing and not a generally accepted etiquette. (This happened if Florida.) When my DH countered that during his military service and his law enforcement career he is required to address his superiors that way, she still held that it is a "southern thing" and not appropriate to use in school. IMO, southern or not, "yes ma'am" is better than "yeah".

Since we homeschool, we are around a lot of homeschoolers and the families we are friends with all have well behaved children. But the few non-homeschooled friends my kids have are well-behaved too. Homeschooled or not, we would likely not have much in common with parents who do not discipline their kids. So this is just a long way to say that I agree with FarmerDale that it is all about the parents.


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## Maura

Manners are taught or not, regardless of where they are schooled. If you use manners, your children probably will too. Please and thank you, be helpful. If you offer help to others, so will your kids. There are many children who don&#8217;t learn basic manners until they go to school. Teachers should be able to concentrate on the core curriculum, but they spend a bit of time teaching please and thank you, don&#8217;t shove, and keep your hands to yourself. I think your kids would have such nice manners regardless of where they schooled because you are a great influence on them.

I think it&#8217;s great that you are able to incorporate additional life skills in your schooling. This is what makes home schooling better in so many instances.


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## barnbilder

Humans are thinly separated from animals. If you put 25 or 30 yearling calves in a pen together, you might have a pen full of nuts. Roosters raised in an environment with older roosters, will generally be better behaved. Let a bunch of hound puppies out of the dog box, instead of one puppy with a bunch of old dogs, and chances are, you will be hunting something you didn't intend.

People and animals form most of their behavior from imitation and example. Public school children nowadays tend to spend a lot of time with children their exact same age. So they are learning, by imitating, how to behave like a bunch of children. Homeschool children TEND to be around older children, younger children, and adults. Those are the examples, good and bad, that they can experiment imitating. Most will gravitate to more mature and rational behavior. Provided the adult role model has those qualities. 

A teacher in a public school can be the example that will be gravitated towards in imitation. An old cow can keep a pen of yearlings from blowing through a fence when a truck backfires. It has to be the RIGHT cow or teacher, or it's mob rule.

Home school students in some situations can have access to more real life experiences. Adult business deals, community volunteering, helping people struggling with bad situations, shopping, meal prep can all be experienced more intimately, when not bound to a strict timeline, with no chance for exposure to the world during normal business hours. Real life is not spent lining up to go to the restroom, stealth texting, and worrying about popular clothing styles. In real life, they might even see how dad deals with pushy bullies, by adding digits to their bill, if they are fortunate enough to be homeschooled in a family business environment. Beats being stuck in the same room with a bully and being forbidden to be assertive. In the real world cool jocks and bullies get exactly what they deserve, which is often nothing. This is good for children to see.


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## FCLady

I agree with everyone and I also "see" what romysbaskets is trying to say.
We public- schooled 3 kids and adopted twin babies when our youngest was 16. The twins are homeschooled. I REALLY notice the difference in the children. Our oldest were taught manners and respect; which mostly now they only use in front of us. Where it seems I can spend the time in our homeschool environment (24/7) to explain WHY we should behave well ALL the time...

Our oldest - the only boy - Had a friend in high school whom he was ALWAYS in trouble with at school. I had no control over his school behavior. All I could do was limit his time with this kid away from school. My parenting skills had NOTHING to do with it. His behavior was "accepted" in school by classmates and teachers, therefor it continued.

1. I encourage my twins to 'set the example' no matter where they are and what the circumstance. 
2. We discuss bad judgement calls they and others make and their repercussions.
3. There is a time and place to "act like a nut" and there are times and places we don't - they learn the difference and why.


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## romysbaskets

FCLady said:


> I agree with everyone and I also "see" what romysbaskets is trying to say.
> We public- schooled 3 kids and adopted twin babies when our youngest was 16. The twins are homeschooled. I REALLY notice the difference in the children. Our oldest were taught manners and respect; which mostly now they only use in front of us. Where it seems I can spend the time in our homeschool environment (24/7) to explain WHY we should behave well ALL the time...
> 
> Our oldest - the only boy - Had a friend in high school whom he was ALWAYS in trouble with at school. I had no control over his school behavior. All I could do was limit his time with this kid away from school. My parenting skills had NOTHING to do with it. His behavior was "accepted" in school by classmates and teachers, therefor it continued.
> 
> 1. I encourage my twins to 'set the example' no matter where they are and what the circumstance.
> 2. We discuss bad judgement calls they and others make and their repercussions.
> 3. There is a time and place to "act like a nut" and there are times and places we don't - they learn the difference and why.


Thank you for posting this! I was starting this thread for those that had something positive to say about homeschooling as simple as manners as an example. I think your twins sound wonderful! I really didn't mean this to be a comparison between methods...

It seems like there is no platform for those that home school to discuss their positive experiences unless we post threads with this purpose in mind. I thought this would allow for positive statements about homeschooling as it encourages those of us that chose and were able to home school. With such a low percentage of people able to go this route, it is wonderful to be able to share this with others that do. One of the things that was hard about it was not having any others near me doing it. We couldn't share time with other home school families even in the beginning. Then we moved to the island with no other full time children residents. Our sons were home schooled on a remote island not unlike families that do it in a remote location of another kind. We got a lot of flack from our daughters and some family members who thought this would have a huge negative impact on our sons. I had a retired teacher who lived there that asked me what my qualifications to teach my sons were! We were told they would suffer on a social level for one and they would not interact well with others causing them future hardship. The reverse was the case. 

Last weekend I entered a bar with my now 20 year old son to watch him perform as hubby was parking the car. I watched him tell the owner as he does every single time "I am 20 so I will need that wrist band as I am a minor performing with the band." There are some places he can't play but most bars will allow him in with the band. They are all much older than he is. I wasn't there the time the bar owner was offering him drinks, which he declined nicely explaining his age. My oldest son developed his music talent with unrestricted unlimited time to practice on the island. Where we lived in a small town prior, he couldn't practice like this.. The younger son worked on all the broken down things folks gave him there that he fixed. They have excellent work ethics which they both attribute to where and how they were raised. Home schooling can be a very positive and rewarding choice. There is no comparison here, just results from the method we chose.


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## FCLady

I don't think social skills are learned in public places. I think they are learned at home.
Kids watch parents and mimic them. If you are polite, say hello and smile to strangers, make new comers feel welcome, etc., and YOU are comfortable with that, the kids see that and mimic that behavior.

We own our own business in a small community with our office next to our home. The girls have their schoolroom set up in the storefront area. I meet and greet everyone who walks in the door. Regulars ask to see what the girls are working on today, and the girls explain and talk to them about that days' lesson. There's also a woman who sent postcards so the kids feel special about getting their own mail when I was teaching them how to write letters.

We took the girls to horseback riding lessons and there sometimes is upwards of 20 kids there. The instructor told me my girls were "social hogs" because they said "hi" to everyone, introduced themselves, told them about their day etc. etc.


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## Crankin

We live in the South. Our home schooled kids, now 27 and 25, learned that most people are addressed with Mrs., Mr., Pastor, Miss before their names. You could drop either of them into a room full of strangers and in 10 minutes they will each know 4-5 people.


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