# I am about to just give up



## PrettyPaisley

Keeping this place clean is impossible. And I don't mean just picked up or, gee, my baseboards are dusty. I mean fingerprints, human slobber, dog slobber, dust bunnies the size of wharf rats that aren't just dust but also feathers and cat fur .... foot prints on the hardwood floors, rice under the cabinets ... clean clothes, dirty clothes, filthy barn clothes ... I am going to go nuts. The other day DD2 says to me. "mommy, I didn't see them last time they were here but I hope the cobs don't come back." When I asked her who the "cobs" were she said, "the cobs, the ones who left their webs in the bathroom." I emptied the dryer the other day and other than the regular lint filth stuck to the screen, I pulled out nails, screws, quarters (which went into MY pocket), baling twine and chicken feathers! It was all I could do not to sit down on the floor and sob. 

I can't keep it clean. It's almost to the point that I am going to give up, throw out everything in the house, have the children sleep on mats I can beat with a broom each morning and have single light bulbs hanging from the ceiling. I'm going to move all the cooking outside - wash the dishes in the cows bucket because why not? It's not much different in the house. 

Before I had kids I was an insane neat freak. I could account for every bobby pin. NOTHING was out of place. NOTHING was dusty, much less dirty. Fastfoward 7+ years and add two kids, 10 dozen critters and an SO who's idea of clean is the flip side of the boxer shorts and I'm going to have to leave in a padded truck. 

I try so hard to not be a stark raving lunatic and I keep reminding myself that "one day" I will miss the precious spit covered hand prints on my glass doors but right now I'm not feeling it. I just don't know what to do. About the only thing I haven't given up on that is cleaned on a very regular basis is my bathroom. My tub. My sink and countertop. My toilet. My spot is clean. Too bad I can't live in MY closet. 

What do I do besides take up heavy drinking?


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## AriesMaverick

Are the kids old enough to pitch in?
Have you talked with your SO about possibly helping out a little more?
Can you leave window washing and dusting to just once or twice a month?
Make a list and work on one or two rooms a day?

I myself have two babies under 3 and a third on the way. DH works long shifts, and our house looks partially like a home and partially like a shed (boxes stacked in corners. no storage area currently). I considered myself a rather neat person, and DH is definitely a neat freak, but things somehow manage to build up so quickly it's really overwhelming at times. >_< and we don't have any animals...yet!
Fingerprints and cobwebs I find easy to let slide, but slobber is a must for me to clean.
Bathrooms I do once a week. Laundry is sometimes twice a week (but it really depends on the weather -no dryer here) Vacuuming I try to do once a week... unless I put my glasses on while in the house and notice the kids have been extra crumbly and I've lost extra hair.  lol We also don't mow the lawn until the grass is knee deep. :-X

My dad's solution growing up *was* "Throw it all away and start over!" and I find that so tempting. I try to at least donate things.


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## DEKE01

In order of lowest priority to highest:

I like a clean house. 
I really like a neat house.
I love farm life in spite of the mud and muck that clings to me each day. 
I live for my family which includes a dog that sheds a lot. 

Understanding that priority makes it easy for me to not sweat a little dirt in the house and dust bunnies galloping around the baseboards. I haven't given up on clean, but I try to keep perspective on what is most important to me. We still clean up lots of messes, including dog vomit in the bed at 4 AM today from too much horse hoof.


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## Chief Cook

Wow! It sounds like you are at the end of your rope. I feel ya girl. This little house gets the best of me sometimes and I too want to just throw in the towel. And then I get mad, and boy howdy does the dirt fly. :lookout: I can't tell you how to get a handle on your house, but I do think that everyone needs to help. I would have never told my Mama about any "cobs" in our house cause she would have handed me a broom and said "Sic em!" LOL Hang in there, cause it will get better, just take it one mess at a time. You are not alone!!!


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## Bret

Your home has a warm fuzzy feeling?


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## gretchenr

Dear Mom of much, 
The other suggestions are sound and have worked for me. Without wanting to add to the misery have you checked out FLYLady ? She has a website that encourages you and helps get organized too. She's a "been there, done that" person so no "Martha Stewart perfection" required. 
Hang in there,
Gretchen


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## notwyse

You made me laugh...hard. I learned the hard way to let it go. Happy and healthy much better. Go fishing.


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## Maura

Hire a cleaning women. There is no shame. Decide what you want her to do and let her at it. For me, it would be the bathroom and kitchen. For someone else, it would be to pick up all the stuff (put into boxes or laundry baskets) and sweep/wash/vacuum the floors. It is so nice to have help that simply and efficiently just does the job.

Back in the old days a cleaning woman would come in ALL DAY and clean. Just an hour can make such a difference, though. Don&#8217;t say you can&#8217;t afford it. Find out what it will cost and save your sanity.


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## PrettyPaisley

Well Piper is only 4 so I can't really get her on a ladder in the corner of the bathroom to clean the cobs.  And bless her heart, she is one of my bigger problems. She's the one who sticks frogs and worms in her pocket and lays feathers on the kitchen table. And of course, every weed in the county that she proudly presents to me with a huge grin - with dirt globs hanging off the bottom. Paisley is old enough to help but she is sooo high strung (I think she must come by that honestly) that she can't slow down long enough to do it right. And I think that's really MY issue - the "do it right" part. When I break out the vaccuum I can't just vaccuum the floor. Nope-I have to move the couch and the coffee table and lift under all sides of the rug and crawl around with the attachment that seeks the dust out of the corners of the floor. SO can take a broom, sweep AROUND the kitchen rug, dump the dustpan and feel accomplished. I can't watch as it makes me *livid* -- as that is NOT the proper way to clean a floor. When it's time to do the dishes I can't just wash the dishes; I have to dismantle the entire stove top and scrub it. It's all or nothing. I either walk away from a bazillion dishes piled on the counter or I get in the cracks with a toothpick so no crumb is left behind. 

The woman across the street used to keep this place clean for the lady who used to live here. I would be mortified to have her come over and see the shape it is in now. So it's possible to have someone come over maybe once a week and just do the floors? Like vaccuum (under and behind every piece of furniture) and clean the hoof prints off the hardwoods? Because if I could just keep the floors cleaned I'd be miles ahead of the game. My mom was a cleaning lady way back when; she is where I got the idea of what a properly cleaned house was. You could lick her floors - you still could - and she cursed me with the burden of knowing the "right" way to clean.  

I tried the FLYlady a long time ago. I think I blocked her emails because they were driving me nuts. But in this case I think I should go back and look it over. I need a plan ... something I can stick to. But first, I should just throw it all away and start over. Maybe I should throw out that fancy high dollar vaccuum cleaner my mom gave me.


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## PrettyPaisley

Bret said:


> Your home has a warm fuzzy feeling?


I think maybe. I was waiting for my dough to rise and I pulled the oven from the wall and was scrubbing the side of it and Paisley walked in and her mouth fell open. She said, "You're CLEANING???" So either she simply does not notice the grime or she does not care ... but boy she was shocked. And I walked away without cleaning the inside of the oven-just the outside. It was hard ... but the sunshine and warm weather was calling !!!


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## FarmChix

I just choose one extra "big" chore a day to complete. i.e. if I am dusting in the living room, I will add the baseboards to it. As I am making dinner, I will wipe down the outsides of the cabinets....and so on. It really doesn't add too much extra cleaning time to what you are doing. Sometimes, I will empty one shelf in the fridge to throw it in the sink and give it a good washing while I am cooking. Don't look at the big picture. Just take it one little task at a time. You will get there.


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## majik

I feel for you. When my kids were young and I did a house clean beyond laundry, dishes and general maintenance, they always asked who was coming over...life is busy enough with a young family. Spending time on dusting was rarely on my list. I'm still no dream housekeeper, but I get alot more help these days and we all have agreed on some minimum standards. Clean, but not tidy, you know? The garden (or a good book) calls to me, and I would rather soothe my soul that sweep or scrub.


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## mrs whodunit

((hugs))

Instead of FLy lady which was overwhelming for me I really liked Totally Organized 

That way I could make a schedule and plans that fit our life. When I followed her suggestions I had a house that was company ready at all times. Its amazing what 15 on a room or project will do. There was even 15 minutes of car care a week!

I remember cleaning the bathroom for 15 minutes and after a week of so those 15 minutes where being able to detail clean because everything else was cleaned and organized.


I REALLY need to get remake a schedule and get back to Bonnies way of doing things. 

Part of it is just a season too with young kids. Soon the kds will grow and you will be out of that season and into another..... with its own challenges LOL


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## Bret

I recently cleaned the knobs on the stove. Something screamed in my head that it was time. I often tilt the stove forward and clean the crumbs and debris that get in between.

You know that sound and feeling you get with fingernails on the chalk board. I hate the sound of crumbs scratching when I tilt the stove!

When I pull a t-shirt off and notice the thinning from too many washings with bleach, I dampen the shirt with a tiny bit of soap and water and run it over everything I see like tops of mirrors, door frames, doors, around toilet-back. Then I toss the shirt. Gak. 

I started doing this every time I took a t-shirt off, but the dust and dirt never comes out of the shirts.

Guests have to accept my dust sometimes. Never an unsterile stove, sink or tub or toilet.

A cobweb that you see today will help filter air and capture more dust until you get to it formally.


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## WildernesFamily

PrettyPaisley said:


> Well Piper is only 4 so I can't really get her on a ladder in the corner of the bathroom to clean the cobs.  And bless her heart, she is one of my bigger problems. She's the one who sticks frogs and worms in her pocket and lays feathers on the kitchen table. And of course, every weed in the county that she proudly presents to me with a huge grin - with dirt globs hanging off the bottom. Paisley is old enough to help but she is sooo high strung (I think she must come by that honestly) that she can't slow down long enough to do it right. And I think that's really MY issue - the "do it right" part. When I break out the vaccuum I can't just vaccuum the floor. Nope-I have to move the couch and the coffee table and lift under all sides of the rug and crawl around with the attachment that seeks the dust out of the corners of the floor. SO can take a broom, sweep AROUND the kitchen rug, dump the dustpan and feel accomplished. I can't watch as it makes me *livid* -- as that is NOT the proper way to clean a floor. When it's time to do the dishes I can't just wash the dishes; I have to dismantle the entire stove top and scrub it. It's all or nothing. I either walk away from a bazillion dishes piled on the counter or I get in the cracks with a toothpick so no crumb is left behind.
> 
> The woman across the street used to keep this place clean for the lady who used to live here. I would be mortified to have her come over and see the shape it is in now. So it's possible to have someone come over maybe once a week and just do the floors? Like vaccuum (under and behind every piece of furniture) and clean the hoof prints off the hardwoods? Because if I could just keep the floors cleaned I'd be miles ahead of the game. My mom was a cleaning lady way back when; she is where I got the idea of what a properly cleaned house was. You could lick her floors - you still could - and she cursed me with the burden of knowing the "right" way to clean.
> 
> I tried the FLYlady a long time ago. I think I blocked her emails because they were driving me nuts. But in this case I think I should go back and look it over. I need a plan ... something I can stick to. But first, I should just throw it all away and start over. Maybe I should throw out that fancy high dollar vaccuum cleaner my mom gave me.


Aw, I feel your pain. I am the same way, have to do that job properly.. or not at all. And to do it properly I have to have the time to do it properly.. or not at all. And with 5 kids, a farm, home school, animals.. well, time is short.

At the new year a friend of mine let me know about this free weekly household planner. I was desperate and needed to do something. I've also done FlyLady, started out great, started falling behind on the emails and eventually unsubscribed. Anyway, back to the planner.. I tried it, and for me it's actually working, and I've been following it since the beginning of the year.

My house is not showroom, but it is five minutes away from being ready for company.. and that's without shoving anything into closets, LOL.

So here is the link to the planner: http://www.theconfidentmom.com/12/family-manager/free-2014-confident-mom-weekly-household-planner/

I hope you try it and I hope it works for you. The reason I think it works for me is because it's all laid out and that need for perfection is met - you have set tasks to do each day, and you get the satisfaction from meeting those tasks, and you feel complete, because you have completed everything for *that day*. It's methodical, so that by the end of the week you have done everything necessary to have your house clean. And little bites. She doesn't say "sort and organize all kitchen drawers" she says - "Sort and organize ONE kitchen drawer". So I do that, sometimes the crazy takes over and I'll do another drawer or two as well, but that's okay too... if I just do that one drawer and check it off, I have completed the requirement for that for that day. For vacuuming, I feel your pain there too, LOL. But the saving grace is that while the planner has for example "vacuum kids' bedrooms" I can look ahead and see it in the next week or two it says "vacuum kids' bedrooms and under beds" so I know that for this week I can just vacuum their rooms and it will be okay to not move all the furniture. She has "clean behind refrigerator" scheduled on there too, so I can clean the kitchen floor without getting crazy and moving everything and cleaning because I know that a set time for that is coming up.

The planner is completely customizable to your needs. At the start of each new week I sit down and customize that week according to my needs and print it out. And I have to stop myself from trying to customize the whole rest of the year. I would *strongly* suggest that you print out the first month worth of the planner without making any changes, just follow it as written and then after you have got into a routine start making changes. If there is something on there not applicable to you, for example - clean out the microwave - then just cross it out and move on. Once you've been going a while you will see what needs to be added or changed.

Once you have a schedule going, you can think of setting up some small chores for your daughters to complete. My kids are responsible for their rooms, their laundry and helping with dishes.

For your little one, oh she is at that joyful age where she wants to share with you the things she finds important. What a blessing! That doesn't last forever, so cherish it while it does. Perhaps put out a pretty container on a counter and let her know that's her special place to put the treasures she finds. That way she can still share, but you can contain the blessings 

Good luck!


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## mrs whodunit

When I was a kid there was a bat that made his way into the house.

The poor bat would have to stop every so often on moms decorative plates hanging on the wall to clean off the cob webs. LOL When flying around he had these spiderwebs trailing him LOL

Unfortunately, the bat never came back to do a repeat performance of his cleaning


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## oldasrocks

Wear dark glasses and install a flush handle.


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## Andrewhill

Tell the SO that if your not happy he's not getting happy? Honestly if your doing everything on your own you can't expect the same level of cleanliness that you had without children. I'd consider lowering your standards. If you have to pull out the sofa every time you vacuum it's no wonder you can't get everything clean. A fast vacuum most of the time and a thorough job once or twice a month is more realistic if you want time to clean other things. But you really know that. 

Are you OCD? I am that's why I ask. I know when you want your house your way you want it your way. But those kind of thoughts hold people back from being happy. There will always be something else to clean but at what point do you get to enjoy your life? Can you live with being mad at your kids for being kids? Of course not. And your SO, only you know that situation but no relationship can survive resentment for very long so talk to the SO. Then figure it out right then and there and don't let it frustrate you for another day longer than it already has.


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## Laura Zone 5

I am OCD, and my 3 babies....have grown up.
My 'mini-me' who gave me so much heartache a few months ago?
I'd give anything right now, just to hear her voice.

If I sit back and reflect on what I would have done differently,.......there are a few things I would definitely change.
I am finding out now, I 'did' a lot of the things I 'did' because of the programming I received when I was a young girl.
Things were 'wired' into my head (good and very bad) and I did what I did because of that wiring.

My mother would assign me the cleaning tasks that she hated to do.
Once, after cleaning the entire kitchen (think, hands and knees, yellow gloves cleaning) I waited for her to get home from work. 
When she did..she walked into the kitchen, went straight to the sink, where she pick up the strainer, and said "You missed the strainer" and dropped it on the counter.
That's all she said.
For YEARS I was a slob. Didn't care if the place was a mess.
SWORE that when I had kids I'd never do that to them.
And I never did.
When they were old enough to intentionally do a half job, I would tell them.....if you half job, you will re do it AND you will be going nowhere for a while. 
But when they were younger, I was happy to have their help!

Before you know it, you will blink and they will be 16.......then 18.....then graduating college or moving out or joining the Marines.......
And you'll wonder "where did the time go".
It's just a couple of blinks.....


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## PrettyPaisley

Yes-I'm probably OCD. And an awful one to procrastinate - if it can't be done right I won't want to do it at all. It's awful-I know. 

Laura, my mom sounds a lot like your's. She used to iron the sheets, she'd make me iron my clothes and my sister's and would pay me to iron my sister's stuff but if I protested and told her I didn't want to iron them - that she could keep the money - I'd have to iron without pay. I recall being popped in the mouth after a lesson in the "proper" way to iron a shirt. I asked her if she wrote that book-on how to do it-and she smacked me in the face. There were times I would open the front door after getting off the school bus and the smell of Pine Sol would hit me in the face. I would immediately get a sick feeling in my gut because any time she cleaned she was in an awful mood. On a fairly regular schedule I would walk into my room to find the contents of every drawer, the entire closet and the sheets rip off my bed with the mattresses in the center of the room in a pile. Same for my sister; if she went to put something away and the drawer didn't open and close without hinderance she would go bananas and throw it all out for us to put away "properly".

Needless to say I only iron when it's an absolute must and I have a love/hate relationship with clean. I love it when it's clean but it's exhausting to keep up with all of it. I used to scream and holler at the girls about their room but they are just babies. I don't do that anymore. Now I just gather and toss and they rarely even notice when things are missing. 

Anyhow - I guess I can freak out about clean when they are gone. Meanwhile I will just keep the kitchen clean (that's a pretty important area to me) and work on a quick vacuum instead of moving every piece of furniture in the house. It's not easy though .... but I no longer care much about cleaning before my mom comes over. I actually kind of like making her nuts with my "cobs". It's good for her to feel out of control every once in awhile.


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## Maura

If you take each job and first mentally break it down into three jobs maybe you&#8217;d be happier with yourself. For instance, the vacuuming thing. Picking up stuff so you can vacuum is a single chore in itself. Vacuuming what you can see is the second chore by itself. Moving furniture so you can clean underneath is a third chore.

On a day that you don&#8217;t feel like picking up, vacuum under the furniture. On another day, pick up, then have lunch, then vacuum.

I like the counters clean. I like the stovetop clean&#8230; I broke down and am now putting foil over the stovetop to make cleaning easier. She could also sort socks.

As for the kids, they need a small job that they can do and get praise for. The four year old can set the table. She can also sort socks and count the pairs.

Paisley can pick up before you vacuum and another time vice versa.

But, get the cleaning lady.


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## Laura Zone 5

Paisley, I am so sorry about the militant cleaning in your childhood.
I am finding out just how much of who we are today is because of how and by whom we were raised..and sometimes that ain't so pretty.

I keep the kitchen clean (Working in the Hospitality industry and having a Chef for a daughter? We are KEENLY aware of Safety and Sanitation). Clean clean.
I keep the bathrooms clean.

But dust and dog hair happens.
Dog snot on the picture window happens.
"messy" happens.
Given the choice between cleaning / fussing over cleaning -vs- spending time with my kids (in any way shape or form) I will push a mess to the corner to make room for 'me and the kids time'.

I said when I got pregnant with my first I was going to do the EXACT opposite of what my parents did.
And I hit that mark, 90% of the time.
I did not want to repeat their neurosis...and meanness...and abuse.
I am getting divorced and moving away to complete the missing 10%.

Clean, but never ever let it take priority of living an amazing wonderfilled life with your babies! THAT is what they will remember.


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## PrettyPaisley

Laura Zone 5 said:


> *I said when I got pregnant with my first I was going to do the EXACT opposite of what my parents did.*
> And I hit that mark, 90% of the time.
> I did not want to repeat their neurosis...and meanness...and abuse.
> I am getting divorced and moving away to complete the missing 10%.
> 
> Clean, but never ever let it take priority of living an amazing wonderfilled life with your babies! THAT is what they will remember.


 
I said that to myself, too. It wasn't until I was over 30 and my mom and I hadn't spoken in years (in total she didn't speak to me for 10 years until I became pregnant with Paisley) that I began to feel more sympathy than anger towards her. She has never gone into details but I know her childhood was tough. It breaks my heart to think of how she must have had to grow up to be filled with such anger and turmoil towards us as kids. 

Meanwhile ... I am going to do some more serious purging to rid myself of things to clean around here. Maybe if I have less things to clean under and around I can be a little more calm about slobber and handprints on the windows and doors.


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## Mid Tn Mama

mrs whodunit said:


> When I was a kid there was a bat that made his way into the house.
> 
> The poor bat would have to stop every so often on moms decorative plates hanging on the wall to clean off the cob webs. LOL When flying around he had these spiderwebs trailing him LOL
> 
> Unfortunately, the bat never came back to do a repeat performance of his cleaning


This one made me laugh out loud! It wins the prize, imho! Also, LOVE your forum name. Wish I'd thought of it!

For those, like me, who are stuggling to get on top of their cleaning and organization, I've been posting the weekly flylady zones (NO EMAILS! that make you feel like a loser) so that we can be accountable to ,encourage one another and teach each other how to clean and organize our homes. 

I've committed myself to a year of this and after a few months, I really see an improvement. It's like taking layers off an onion. It didn't get unorganized in a day and it will take more than a day to fix it.

Does anyone know why these threads are not visible under "new posts?"


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## Taylor R.

This is possibly way too much information, but we've realized that my I'm-gonna-pull-my-hair-out-because-this-house-is-a-disaster moments are directly correlated to my monthly cycle. Just before and about halfway through, I'm ready to snap. If I can clean my way out of those two little spots, I can live with it most of the time. The rest of the time, we focus on the things that are important to our health and safety and try not to worry about the rest.

Someday my monkeys will be big enough to not shove handfuls of dry cereal down my couch or empty their drawers every time they get dressed. Until then, I just try to keep it together on those rough days and do what I can in the time I've got.


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## Becka03

I just went thru this - you might have seen my cranky thread- LOL
there isn't much you can do- other than learn to let go- and ask the family to help- 

we both work fulltime and homestead and parent- grant it- we have no animals- other than a huge sheltie/lab- 
it is hard- 

I had the chance to get the entire living areas of the house cleaning- meaning all but my room since we were having so much company-
It is a goal for me to keep it half way clean now for summer- but I am not making myself nuts- 
and I can tell you - I got rid of tons of stuff- actually put it in boxes in the garage- for a yard sale in July-

let go- realize that you can not do it all!
it is okay- 
if it bothers you a ton- try to carve out a place your house that you can clean and keep clean-like your side of the couch? ( we have sides lol of the couch)


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## puddlejumper007

never saw a grave marker that said SHE KEPT A CLEAN HOUSE...


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## puddlejumper007

SORRY, did not mean to kill the thread, it was a joke


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## Dixie Bee Acres

I use to always have to have a perfectly clean house. That was when we lived in town; paved driveway, nice sidewalks, etc.
Now we live on the farm place; large gardens, animals, dirt, mud.
Main living areas of the house have no carpet for a reason.
But even once moving here, I still hated seeing fingerprints on windows, dirty dishes in sink, etc, but one day i just looked around and thought back to a piece of advice from grandpa....
Don't sweat the small crap...


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## CajunSunshine

PrettyPaisley, dear, I don't mean to make light of your plight...but I can't stop laughing at the original post long enough to be of any real help. 

I have not read the whole entire thread but judging from the number of posts, I am sure I won't be able to improve on what has already been said, anyway!

Just know this: one day you will look back on this and laugh too! Post #1, along with a few descriptive photos would make a wonderfully memorable scrapbook page, lol!


.


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## Guest

I'm a little late to the party, but allow me to share a smidge...

I kept one big, clean, rolling trash can to bring in the house - I gave the kids a 10-minute warning that I was going to clean the ______ room. After the time elapsed, it threw every single large item that was not furniture into the trash can. 

I then announced that I was going to vacuum - and ten minutes later I pulled out a 5-gallon ShopVac... Everything smaller than a baseball was effectively removed from the room.

After two or three episodes of having to dig your last pair of socks our of the caliche dust and dog hair vat - the kids learned that Mom wasn't joking. And suddenly began pitching in.

House Cleaning 101... Rolling trash can & a ShopVac.




Oh, and the Cobb Family webs will easily fit down the ShopVac tube! And leap large distances to do So!


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## Bret

puddlejumper007 said:


> SORRY, did not mean to kill the thread, it was a joke


I have killed some with less.


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## tchofclas

@Taylor R
Look into taking St. Johns Wort. I have been taking it for years for depression, but recently discovered that it is good for PMS, menstrual cramps, and menopause. Finally know why I "never" went through menopause. Only reason I know I've been there is lack of periods. Not one single hot flash, or any other symptom. A friend, who like me, is very active attributed it to the activeness, until being active didn't work for her. Sure wish I'd known about it before.


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## My2butterflies

I know this post is old, but I can relate so well! 

I actually am feeling so much anxiety just from thinking about it 

Between 2 kids under 6, 3 house cats, 3 ferrets, and a husband I feel like running away somedays. I do all cleaning and care for everyone. I'm old school in a way. My husband gets waited on hand and foot when he is home, tho shamefully I do complain at times. I care for all animals and homeschool. I can't really rely on anyone helping me because it just makes me angry if it's not done to my liking. I'm my own enemy 

Crumbs, dust, hair, clutter, and toys make my skin crawl. I've banished toys to their rooms because the sight of toys makes me fume! They can only have them in the living areas if they are actively playing with them. After that they get put back. And since they are still a bit young to be on top of things I'm constantly getting on them. 

I too know it's because it's how I was raised. Mom liked a clean house despite the fact that she had 6 kids at home(9 kids total). You'd never know even one kid lived there unless you saw them. It was kept showroom perfect. Dad was a marine and his learned cleaning skills were applied to the house. And things had better be clean and quiet when he is home! We had a lot of stress in our house. And my mother was also not a happy cleaner. 

I'm trying so hard to fight that. I don't want my kids to have these bad habits passed down. I want to better the next generation, not copy and paste mine. 


My only advise is routine and lists. 
I have daily musts that are done at the same time everyday. 
Feed pets, litter boxes, sweep, declutter, throw out trash, wash kitchen, wipe down bathroom, pick up toys, ect. 
Things like that need to be done daily or I get way too stressed. 

Laundry is done Monday and Friday. Vacuuming is also done Monday and Friday. All major cleaning is done Friday to prepare for the weekend. I never know when someone will come by and hardly anyone calls first>:/ So I try to always be prepared. 

Organizing gets put on a list. Then when I have free time and have the energy I tackle the list one thing at a time. I get so much satisfaction from crossing things off 

I've also started having the kids help with little things I can go over afterwards. Like sweeping under the table or sweeping up kitty litter. Wiping down spills and whatnot. I'm trying to help them learn cleaning skills while maintaining my sanity. Haha! 

Sorry for the book!


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## Miss Kay

Although this is old, today is the first time I have read it and it makes me terribly sad. You sound just like my mom. She was a clean freak and judged every other woman against her standards (a hateful critic of course). When you described your little girl smiling as she presented you with a bouquet of weeds I could see myself. I tried everything I knew to get her love and attention but all we were to her was a problem that trashed her house. I remember getting sick in bed one night but was able to cup my hands to hold my vomit until I could get in the bathroom because I knew how mad and loud my mom would be over me getting the bed dirty. Thank God I grew up and got away from that horrid woman and married a wonderful man. His mother was just the opposite of my mom in every way. Her house was unkept, dare I say dirty but we all knew she loved us because we were her focus, not her house. Our son loved to spend summers there because she would enjoy him and never make him feel bad for getting dirty etc. You can have a spotless house or you can be an attentive loving mother but I don't see how you can do both. Put your family first, get their help to find a good enough cleaning and change that attitude before it is too late. Once we got grown, guess which mother was surrounded by love and family! Mine rotted alone in a nursing home but I guess it was a clean one so she should have been happy. I don't know if it was clean or not because I never visited!


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## CajunSunshine

When we are old and decrepit, and in our last days, what will we want? 

Will we ask to see our shiny dust-free furniture? What will we remember and cherish most? The days when everything was so spotless and orderly? Or will we remember when the house was filled with sounds of joie de vivre...the joy of life and the chaos that comes with the territory of little people? 

What will matter most at the end of our days? Our relationships with people or things?

The answer that comes from deep in my heart tells me what should matter most _right now,_ and helps me to maintain balance and proper perspective. 

(((Hugs to all frazzled mommies, daddies and caregivers.)))



.


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## Janis R

I grew up with a father who could teach Mr. Clean some things and a mother who was a disgusting slob, no wonder they divorced.
I too became a clean freak, had white tile with white grout throughout my whole house, cleaned house form top to bottom, baseboards, behind everything, all windows etc. each week. I never had anything on the counters, everything had a place. I even alphabetized my spices, color coordinated my thread, materials and clothes, you get the idea.
Then came country living, long hair dogs, animals and back injuries. We also lost everything including our home when I could no longer work.I cried for days about my dirty house, I was embarrassed to have people come in my home. We now have a little "manufactured home" that I can't keep clean for love nor money. I had to realize that life changes, that their will always be cleaner and dirtier homes then mine and my home is filled with love. If anyone ever complains about my home I will just hand them a broom. 
P.S. I still alphabetize and color coordinate everything


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## yoopermom

I thought of this thread when our son came home from college this weekend. He shares an apartment with three (slobby) boys. He told my husband and I, "I walk around the apartment, and I can hear your voices in my ear, 'Take that garbage out, wash those dishes, wipe down that bathroom sink, etc, etc'...."! 

He actually appreciates that we took the time to TEACH him how to clean, and that it's a matter of pride to keep nice things nice. I do have to say that we started him early, by saying that if one family member was cleaning, then the others should be as well (no watching tv while mom vacums!). All three of us did it as a family, and by keeping up with it, never spent more than a half hour or hour a day on it (plus seasonal deep cleans, as well, obviously). I do think that in order for it to be successful, BOTH adults have to buy into it, and participate, and standards have to be lowered to realistic levels for little hands.

When people are surprised to hear that my husband cleans (he cooks, as well), I always say, "That's why I chose him!" He agrees that it's a shared goal, and should never be just one person's burden. Our son's girlfriend is THRILLED at his housekeeping skills!

Terri


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## Vikestand

Haha I'll add a little male perspective to this thread. Sorry but the first post was pure gold entertainment/laughter. Great writing. 

My wife and I have a year and half old plus two not so tiny dogs in our farm house. We've settled with it being clean Friday through Sunday. Monday through Thursday it's a miracle if WE keep up with the laundry and floor cleaning. In the winter we have the mess of a indoor woodstove and sloppy boots and shoes. It's a constant battle but since we've come to our conclusion, it makes it easier. On Thursday nights I'll clean the kitchen from top to bottom including dishes, she starts the laundry and makes the beds. I'll then clean the wood floors and carpet. If we work together it takes up to about an hour and half to get everything done in time for the weekend. That way we spend less of our free time doing that and more hanging out. 

I'm sure it will get harder as our boy gets older and we add another child to the equation.


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## Woolieface

I thought I was OCD until farm dirt began entering my home. One day I learned to like stress less than I like mud. Maybe being a heavy drinker is not the answer, but...have a cocktail.


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## CraftyLady

I gotcha! Understand completely!

I was an OCD cleaner and loved my clean, clean house. Then . . . 
I had my son. It's all been downhill ever since. You'd think after 27 years I would have gotten over the need to clean. But, no. 
Now that I'm retired the clean in me has returned with a vengeance.
The house is never clean enough. Never. 

What has helped me is a notebook. And it's just a paper notebook. Nothing special. 
I write the date and the day at the top of the page. 
I list the cleaning I feel I need to do. I limit the big things to 3. Knowing I won't get three done but, I will probably get two done.
I list my dinner menu and any items I need to deliver or pick up in town and which day I need to do those things. (many times that moves over from day to the next) 
I also write down the extra things I have done that day at the end of the day. 
When I'm feeling like I haven't gotten I thing done this daily list keeps me in check.


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## spicymustard

This is an older thread but I feel you. I much rather be outside than cleaning the house. Its a constant aggravation. The problem for me is I have many neat freak friends who don't live on property who have perfectly manicured lawns and squeeky clean houses, even with young children so I feel like my house must look the same. I need to get over it.


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## Helena

I have an upstairs bedroom that often becomes a dumping ground. Just for the 100th time cleaned it out..bringing many items to thrift shop..clothes etc. Also, in my den which is off of our laundry room gets everything left. Barn boots..etc. I have now removed any chairs or tables in that room that will hopefully, stop things from being left there. If I find tools on my kitchen table I put them in the basement or leave on the top step to the cellar. Did away with our junk drawer in our kitchen as I downsized our cabinets. How many mugs does one need in the kitchen ?? Actually like having only a few pots and pans and dishes "The rest are boxed up in downstairs closet for when scompany does visit. So...if anything is left in your pantry ..place it elsewhere..Cellar..garage. ?? Clean out pantry of anything you don't use on a daily and store it. I actually did away with my deep pantry closet in our kitchen. Never could find things..spilled flour etc. Have a few days worth of food now in kitchen and rest upstairs on my shelves. So...purge..if my advice.


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