# A little red hen story



## ladytoysdream (Dec 13, 2008)

I think most of you know the story about the little red hen who
grew the wheat, harvested it, and baked the bread. Every time she
asked for help, she did not get any till the bread was baked and
then she had friends who wanted to help her eat it.

Recently we got a load of wood and gave the small scraps to a friend for
their wood stove. They have a regular furnace so the wood is only a backup
heat. They ran out of wood about a month ago. So my generous husband
gave them some bigger chunks to burn when they came back for the second
load of scraps. Okay. But then he mentioned they could have more big stuff
if they ran out. I had to remind him later privately, that the wood was our
only heat source. And we had worked hard to put it in place. My friend and
hubby knew about some other free and cheap wood we had told them about
but failed to follow through and go get it during the good weather.
I know where some free wood is and will show them this week weather
permitting. They have a truck so can go get it. I just don't understand ..........
I also sent them home with some food that I had extra of.
My friend does not ask for help. She just mentioned how rough they have
it right now. I wish we could help more but at the same time, I can't
hurt our budget.

My husband is helping his parents with wood also.


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## Wolf mom (Mar 8, 2005)

To some, needy is a way of life....


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## hunter63 (Jan 4, 2005)

Wolf mom said:


> To some, needy is a way of life....


Some seem to feel "entitled"....and never give it a thought.


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## Micheal (Jan 28, 2009)

Did I read the post correctly???
Your husband is enabling them by giving them wood and you don't like it because it may (or is) cutting into your supply. 
But in turn you are giving them food but that's OK because they are in a "rough" patch of life.
I learned long ago - if they don't ask for help I don't offer. Even if asked help is limited to once without any repeat.
But hey that's me.


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## ladytoysdream (Dec 13, 2008)

We decided to give them some kindling type wood. Had no clue they were in a rough spot.
This we have been doing for years now. Nothing out of the ordinary.
I gave them food I had extra of. I had been to one of those free food type programs,
so I had extra. Again nothing out of the ordinary. Been doing this for awhile too.

I got upset with my husband after they left, because he had told the guy if he needed
wood , if they ran out.....just to back up to our wood shed and to help himself.
Even if we were not home. I asked my husband , and what were you thinking ???


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## Micheal (Jan 28, 2009)

Thanks for the clarification, makes sense now..... Least to me... 
Although I'd be cutting back on the help if'n it was me.


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## LAFarm (Mar 8, 2015)

ladytoysdream said:


> I think most of you know the story about the little red hen who
> grew the wheat, harvested it, and baked the bread. Every time she
> asked for help, she did not get any till the bread was baked and
> then she had friends who wanted to help her eat it.
> ...


Have a SIL who never asks, but makes sure to mention how rough things are and readily accepts anything that is offered. Usually mentions a few more 'needs' if the person gives her a chance. Got so bad that her pastor asked her to stop imposing on people. She told him that she never asks for help, its just the people offer to help when they find out she is having trouble. Has done this all of the years I have known her and I have been married to her sister for over 41 years. Now she is single after 5 failed marriages and lives in government housing. And will still readily mention any bills that are coming due or funny noises coming from her car within 5 minutes of starting a conversation.


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## hunter63 (Jan 4, 2005)

Kinda says it all......
https://www.ispot.tv/ad/wkOa/homeadvisor-jogger


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## emdeengee (Apr 20, 2010)

Life is full of the needy and the greedy. Not always easy to spot who is who right away. We have always helped when we have seen a need or when asked. Many people hide their need and often this had led to a serious situation. Others take advantage. 

We learned early on how to determine who gets any on going help. It all depends on how they "reciprocate" . A response for our help can be a simple thank you note or lending a hand to move a heavy piece of furniture or trading with a home baked loaf of bread or pulling a few weeds in our garden. We have had many people show their appreciation in simple ways. And although help is given without any expectations it is a way to judge the character of people. We have had others who just wanted to get something but when asked for a favour - could you let the dog out at about 5 as my hospital stuff goes until 8 tonight - could not be bothered, either said yes and did not do it or had a hundred excuses why they could not do it.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

your friend is a taker. either you or your husband is going to have to nip it in the bud. if he's helping his parents and telling these people to just back up and take what they want it's going to take most of his time to cut wood. I've found over the years that there is such a thing as being too good. ~Georgia


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

Just went through this this past month. Neighbor asked me to feed her horse and keep her dog at my house 2 days each month over the summer. I have to drive to her house to feed horse 2 times a day.No offer of pay nothing. I did it. Sept I had surgery she could not understand why i couldn't take her dog if she got someone else to feed the horse. Horse gets wet food you need to wet and wait then the hay gets soked and drained. Pain in the butt. She didnt talk to me till last week wanted me to start doing it all again. Said I dont feel up to it. Its too cold and i cant take the dog cause my doors to the fenced area are all taped shut. She said i could just walk her dog. NO. Sorry but just can't help. I really hate saying no but she was never available when I need some help. Always some reason. Kids(not my kids) that i help with babysitting dont pay me. When i asked them to help when i was laid up after surgery said they would but never showed up. So again I said I'm not able to babysit. People just don't care unless they miss out on something.


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## emdeengee (Apr 20, 2010)

We had a very disappointing situation with a friend. Some people are really childish and unable to understand that not everything is only about them.

For years we helped each other out with pet sitting and it was a mutually beneficial relationship and more or less an equal exchange with the "more" more on her side and the less on ours. In our case she stepped in with other pet sitters to take care of our animals (feeding them one or two days a week) when I had to go out of territory for medical treatments and we were gone for 3 months at a time. We looked after her pets for two or three week periods two or three times a year when she went on vacation. This was all over a period of 12 years. 

A couple of years ago I was informed that I was going to have to go through a difficult Chemo regimen at home over the summer months and at the same time my husband was given an extremely large new project which meant a lot of travel and absences from home. 

We told our friend that it would be best if she could find another pet sitter for the 3 weeks of vacation she had planned for July but we would be in a better position to look after them for her Christmas vacation. She said fine but then we stopped hearing from her and she was not answering the phone and our messages. 

My husband went over after a couple of weeks to see if there was anything wrong and she pretended not to be home. I went a few days later after many unanswered phone calls and left messages and she was "friendly" but there was an edge and she made the excuse that she had no time to visit as she was going out right away. My husband was scheduled to be driving home from work about 30 minutes later so I asked him to drive by. As expected she was still home. I suspected that this was a pout because we had said that we could not pet sit. So I stopped calling and just waited to see what would happen. Have not heard from her in two years. Sadly we learned that this was not a loss.


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## CountryMom22 (Nov 27, 2014)

I have found that many people who are in a rough spot are there by their own making. Now I'm careful who I help and how much. It is very easy to cross the line between helping and enabling. In our case, it is family who take advantage and are feeling entitled, so we just try to make sure we are not put in the position to be imposed upon. It's a shame that it has to be this way, but what are you going to do?


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## emdeengee (Apr 20, 2010)

The hardest people to deal with are family members. We have finally followed my parents example. Mom always referred to their house as the castle or sometimes the fortress. She said it was always maintained in expectations of having to be available for everyone to come home either all at once or independently to receive food and shelter and love and support. Dad just smiled that smile that made me sweat. Not going to be that easy.

We have had the same fortress concept for the past decade or more. There will always be shelter, food and support for everyone and their pets. However. No money. If you are in a debt situation sell everything and come just with your suitcases. Working is the only option unless you need to go back to further your education or training and that can always be discussed.


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## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

CountryMom22 said:


> I have found that many people who are in a rough spot are there by their own making. Now I'm careful who I help and how much. It is very easy to cross the line between helping and enabling. In our case, it is family who take advantage and are feeling entitled, so we just try to make sure we are not put in the position to be imposed upon. It's a shame that it has to be this way, but what are you going to do?


You are so right. I've run across many people, down on their luck, able bodied but without friends or family. Would make me feel important to be very generous. Always ends the same way. They take all they can, rip you off for more and move on. All their friends and all their family got tired of being misused.
I knew a woman that was a nurse, earned a good income, had three children and got lots of support money, attended church and acted needy, asking for help everywhere she went. One day I asked her about it. She told m people like to give, it brings them happiness to help others, so it might as well be her and she's glad to provide for their happiness.

OOld story: A guy wins the lottery. Feeling generous, he sends a $100 check to everyone in the neighborhood. A month later, he does it again. Then that's it. So, on the third month, people call asking where their $100 is? Just that quick a gift becomes an entitlement.


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## HDRider (Jul 21, 2011)

I know some one right here on HT that will help them all, anyone with any kind of need, as long as it is with your money.


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## GTX63 (Dec 13, 2016)

My wife has two brothers. One very well off and the other a hoarding, lazy, self absorbed taker.
Worked the same job for almost 40 years until back issues put him on unemployment and government cheese.
Takes his bills to my in laws every month with a story and an open hand but he can't be found when my FIL has a health emergency or needs watched so my MIL can run errands.
My mother in law told him beginning in 2018, every check she writes him comes out of his inheritance, and a check in the same amount is sent to his brother and my wife. She puts it into a college fund for our boys. He heads to the liquor store for cigs and lotto tickets.


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## Barefootminis (Apr 2, 2011)

You have to be careful. People will move in if you don't have boundaries. Can I garden on your land? Mind if we come out 3 times this week but not pick up after ourselves? Can I store my junk in your closets? Can I use your chest freezer? Be cautious, there are more takers than givers.


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