# I Just Realized That I am Single



## Maura (Jun 6, 2004)

Cut the cord Monday 9/26. We have two houses and pretty much have everything moved back and forth. My sewing room has not moved from his house and wonât be until he gets all of his treasure out of my garage. Hey, I need the space.

I like not having him around to look at me with disdain, but I donât really feel single. Of course, Iâm 62 and not expecting much in the romance department.

Free. Single. Not married. Starting over. Do anything I want.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

I like the -do anything I want- part best.


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## Cheriinny (Mar 16, 2016)

I can feel what you are going through, I'm sorry. I've been divorced for awhile, but recently had a broken relationship coupled with a badly broken heart 2 months ago. It was sudden, alone again at 58. But, there's less laundry, more food in the house. I'm finding myself rethinking many things. Who is going to clean the chimney, plow the driveway, keep me warm those long winter nights? Is is too late for that?


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

Cheriinny said:


> I can feel what you are going through, I'm sorry. I've been divorced for awhile, but recently had a broken relationship coupled with a badly broken heart 2 months ago. It was sudden, alone again at 58. But, there's less laundry, more food in the house. I'm finding myself rethinking many things. Who is going to clean the chimney, plow the driveway, keep me warm those long winter nights? Is is too late for that?


You hire someone to clean the chimney, plow the driveway yourself and buy a hot tub, as you wait for the next fellow to come along and try his luck.  To both you and *Maura*, here is my best take:

For as long as you are open to relationships, relationships will present themselves. It's for you to decide if you wish to continue to engage with them by creating the opportunities to meet new people. 

Don't settle. There are worse things by far that enjoying your own company and the freedom to do as you please. I've always said being with the right guy is far better than being alone -- and being with the wrong guy is hell on earth compared to being on your own.

You're capable of far more than what you give yourself credit for! I call these challenges AFGOs. Another Fff....ng Growth Opportunity.  You'll amaze yourself with all you can actually do!

Nice to see you both around and joining in.


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

*WHY THAT........??? I think you should expect a lot in the romance department, age got zero to do with romance......:nanner::nanner:*



Maura said:


> * I&#8217;m 62 and not expecting much in the romance department*.


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## Nsoitgoes (Jan 31, 2016)

I'm 70 and have plenty going on in the romance department. Good women are hard to find. You ladies are selling yourselves short.


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

Just what is "Romance".......really ??? As a concept, as an experience, as a gift......???

A brief history: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romance_(love)


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

> I like not having him around to look at me with disdain, but I don&#8217;t really feel single. Of course, I&#8217;m 62 and not expecting much in the romance department.


You do you lady!!
Do what you want, when you want, where you want, and you don't have to worry about the 'face' or if someone else approves!!!


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## motdaugrnds (Jul 3, 2002)

Maura, you are such a special lady. Please don't sell yourself short! After a bit of time you will know what you want now that you're single again; and then it will be another GREAT ADVENTURE...yes even at the age of 62! 

Just keep yourself positive, stay alert and healthy and be open to the possibilities that await your attention.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

62 is nothing these days if you have your health and strength! as Rae said you can pay for those things that you can't do yourself. and it is so true life is hell on earth with the wrong man. btdt! I keep warm with electric pads and flannelette sheets. half the week anyway! ~Georgia


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## Maura (Jun 6, 2004)

Yea, it doesn&#8217;t bother me to not have the man around. I&#8217;ve been paying a mechanic for decades now, they do a better job of fixing the car and changing the oil anyway. I can take the garbage to the road. I have also been doing all of the house painting. Already had to hire someone to do the little finishing touches on the house (like base molding) that himself never got around to.

I expect the romance department to take some time. I&#8217;m really not looking. Need to get my own self straightened out before diving into any kind of relationship. I know they are out there.


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## hollym (Feb 18, 2005)

Very wise. In the meantime that doing whatever you want thing can be a LOT of fun!


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## reneedarley (Jun 11, 2014)

I was in a mentally abusive relationship for many years. It finally hit me that I was single, standing in the aisles of the supermarket and realizing I could buy whatever food I wished to. It hit me so hard I started weeping. Luckily that was many years ago. At the age of 63 I started out on a new relationship with a man I met here on singletree.


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

*And what a very lucky man he is.........*



reneedarley said:


> ......... At the age of 63 I started out on a new relationship with a man I met here on singletree.


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

...and what a very lucky woman she is! 

We all watched their friendship bloom! They are both beautiful souls and blessed to be together. :kiss: 


(How many miles did Tom travel to be with her in Sweden?)


.


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

CajunSunshine said:


> ...and what a very lucky woman she is!
> 
> We all watched their friendship bloom! They are both beautiful souls and blessed to be together. :kiss:
> 
> ...


Oh You all are too kind!, I am the lucky one*, I traveled 4,300+ miles, to be with the most wonderful Woman-I love her so!


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## ceresone (Oct 7, 2005)

I had been single ONE DAY, from 14 to 75, while it would be handy to have a man around when i needed him, I can do all my chores myself, and dont have to cook for someone!


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

see that's the thing I do miss though .cooking several meals a day. I have been cooking since I was knee high to a grasshopper. until a few months ago. I still cook and bake but not nearly enough to satisfy me. I'm waiting for my brother to tell me he's able to come across the gulf so I can cook up a storm! ~Georgia


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

63 lol. I'm currently watching a budding romance between a lady and gent in their 80's

It's great fun to watch them come in with their posse's. Everyone accidentally seats themselves at the community table then find excuses to change chairs till they happen to be sitting next to each other. 
The ladies tease her about him being a younger man , they were in the same class but she's a few days older. 
Then his guys tease him about her being a wild woman, she went on a cruise last year. 
That goes on for a hour or so each afternoon. Then when everyone gets up to go they find some excuse to talk to each other alone on the sidewalk a few minutes while their friends hollar at them from their cars. 

It's like watching slow motion wrinkled teenagers.


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## Maura (Jun 6, 2004)

I&#8217;m having a hard time cooking for one.


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

Maura, that's easy...just cook for a bunch, and freeze portions and have leftovers. Do that a few times until you have a nice accumulation of a variety of meals. It's way better than take-out fast foods!

And, if you're in the mood, cook for a bunch or a few and invite friends over. 


.


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

Welcome to here, Maura! 

Lots of us here are single, and loving it. Some are married, and loving that too. We're a mixed bunch, and a lot like the old TV show _Cheers. _ 


.


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMNVNRybluQ[/ame]








CajunSunshine said:


> Welcome to here, Maura!
> 
> Lots of us here are single, and loving it. Some are married, and loving that too. We're a mixed bunch, and a lot like the old TV show _Cheers. _
> 
> ...


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

Duh huh... that's us,_ f'sure!_

The whole time I watched that, I saw a lot of us in it. d'awww! Now I can't stop smiling!


.


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

There is a cure for that.......Send homemade cookies to a real nice guy in Alaska............




Maura said:


> Iâm having a hard time cooking for one.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Sourdough said:


> There is a cure for that.......Send homemade cookies to a real nice guy in Alaska............


Sounds like a fun thing to do for Christmas....

Mon


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

Are you suggesting an actual cookie swap?


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## Clem (Apr 12, 2016)

I made a batch of those "no-bake cookies" and was going to give them to the old lady up the road..you know, the one with the drug addict 64 year old son that still lives with her. Anyway, I was walking up that way, and thought..."I'll just check one of these out, make sure it's not too moist, or not too crumbly either one" So I did. Next thing you know, I was almost to their house, and there were only a dozen cookies left, then 11... And they were all gone by the time I got back home. Had to crank up the car, go to the grocery store, and buy some more cocoa and oatmeal.

I got 7 boxes of cocoa, just to be safe. Made batch after batch of cookies, but never got any delivered. Now, I don't think I can walk up there, but might could drop by on my way to get more cocoa.

Nahh......


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Tommyice said:


> Are you suggesting an actual cookie swap?


I AM IN.
Cookie swap with an attached recipe.........


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

I don't know about that. I sent some to Toronto one year and by the time he got them they were all mouldy. guess we could make some with lots of rum or whisky in them. ~Georgia


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## wendle (Feb 22, 2006)

It's good for the soul to be single for a while. It helps you rediscover who you are, and makes you stronger. That said, be careful of being single too long, or you might not want to go back.


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## tamarackreg (Mar 13, 2006)

wendle said:


> It's good for the soul to be single for a while. It helps you rediscover who you are, and makes you stronger. That said, be careful of being single too long, or you might not want to go back.


And the problem with that would be...........................


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## wendle (Feb 22, 2006)

tamarackreg said:


> And the problem with that would be...........................


LOL, none! Well, sometimes I think it would be fun to have a fishing buddy, or somebody to join in garden work, but I get over it.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

wendle said:


> It's good for the soul to be single for a while. It helps you rediscover who you are, and makes you stronger. That said, be careful of being single too long, or you might not want to go back.


How long is too long  ?


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## tamarackreg (Mar 13, 2006)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> How long is too long  ?


No such thing as too long. 

The problem is when it wasn't long enough!


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## reneedarley (Jun 11, 2014)

Not my own work:
I read it on the Swedish equivalent of HT. and thought it was sweet


If life
can remove
someone
you never
dreamed of
losing,it can
replace them
with someone
you never
dreamt of
having


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Sourdough said:


> There is a cure for that.......Send homemade cookies to a real nice guy in Alaska............



Lol yep all the single men and most of the married ones. On here will do pretty much anything for cookies. 


Ahhh who am I kidding ? Any man anywhere.


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

reneedarley said:


> Not my own work:
> I read it on the Swedish equivalent of HT. and thought it was sweet
> 
> 
> ...


That is profound!


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

AmericanStand said:


> Lol yep all the single men and most of the married ones. On here will do pretty much anything for cookies.
> 
> 
> Ahhh who am I kidding ? Any man anywhere.


I'm an Apple Pie, Chocolate Cake Guy myself, but cookies are good.


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## Solar Geek (Mar 14, 2014)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> How long is too long  ?


Laura, of course you should wait till you are ready but I am going out on a limb here to say 17 years is too long. Here's why:

Both of my long time GFs (known 1 for 50 years, since I just turned 11) got divorced from lousy guys. Both were incredibly good looking, fun to be with and both were nurses (not at the same hospitals). They got asked out TONS and some of the guys my DH and I met when we went out together. Some were fun, caring and great; others not so much. All had some baggage but so did my friends. 

We meet with a larger group of women for lunch/fun every 2 months and have for over 40 years with very few skips. We've all gotten married, some divorced like my 2 above, had spouses die, kids die, parents now aged or dead. We have supported each other through thick and thin.

But what we all have seen happening is that the 2 have had numerous really good (and maybe great) opportunities to date and re-marry but have just not moved forward with it. Another in the group had her DH die suddenly and tragically. She was 58. She had only gotten married to him 3 years before; but they had lived together 13 years in all.

Anyhow, After only 2 years SHE is now with another great guy. And is moving towards marriage. 
So it can happen.

What we see with the 2 friends is that, after about 17 years alone and having both struggled mightily financially to educate their kids (parochial) without any real support and then having to help pay for weddings, they just are so set in their ways. One of them told me it was too much work to find someone -- but in my heart I know (she is literally my BFF and tells me most things) that she has continually raised the bar for future dates/mates. The bar is so high now that only my very wonderful DH could make it and HE is not free as I treasure him.

If you do not want to remain alone (and some people LOVE being single), wait till you are ready, and then get back in the water. JMHO All the best to you.


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## Nsoitgoes (Jan 31, 2016)

Solar Geek said:


> ... they just are so set in their ways. One of them told me it was too much work to find someone.


It is not necessarily that one gets set in one's ways. Sometimes it is good to *not* have anything set in stone. To *not* adhere to someone else's schedule. To be free to come and go, to spend or save, to please ones self. 

I will never remarry. I enjoy my new found freedom even though I led a very liberated life with my late DH. I don't want to up and leave my place and I don't want anyone living here other than myself. So if a man isn't happy with a relationship that doesn't include sharing living space then I'm afraid there is nothing I can do about that.


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## sarahbeth (Sep 13, 2013)

Solar Geek said:


> If you do not want to remain alone (and some people LOVE being single), wait till you are ready, and then get back in the water. JMHO All the best to you.


That was sage advice which can be applied across many age ranges. I believe it is very easy to grow outwardly comfortable with ones routine and ignore the internal murmurings for companionship. While there are some who enjoy being alone I have not found that to be true for most women. And I don't believe there's anything wrong with acknowledging ones desire for a man's company. 

Although many champion the merits of singleness long bouts will inevitably bring in a degree of self-absorption that isn't wholly negative but merely a factor of ones lifestyle. Especially if children are nonexistent or grown up. Give and take, patience, and long suffering are elements of relating that may be woefully absent or rarely tried in the same degree. And when you're front and center all the time, where does he fit in? It is easier said than done.

I don't know if the bar is truthfully the culprit for those who have long lapses between partners. But there is certainly some measure of convenience which plays a part. Ease once heralded will later become the gatekeeper and simplicity its second mate. In most instances it isn't the fear which ties their hands but rather the effort which connections require for their establishment and health. 

He is work. And so they wait.


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## Nsoitgoes (Jan 31, 2016)

sarahbeth said:


> While there are some who enjoy being alone I have not found that to be true for most women. And I don't believe there's anything wrong with acknowledging ones desire for a man's company.
> 
> *I don't think that many of the single women on here have stated a preference for being alone. Most of us openly acknowledge that we enjoy men's company and are happy to have a relationship. But not "a man at any price". Most of us are seeking a man that is capable of engaging all facets of our life. *
> 
> ...


Yes. He is work. And many of us have been down this road before. We have an idea of what we want, what we find essential, what is negotiable and what is a deal breaker. We are a lot better nowadays at deciding who we are prepared to put the work in for. Sometimes that makes us look "picky" but rather that than be stuck in a boring and unrewarding relationship just in order to have a companion.


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## sarahbeth (Sep 13, 2013)

Nsoitgoes said:


> Yes. He is work. And many of us have been down this road before. We have an idea of what we want, what we find essential, what is negotiable and what is a deal breaker. We are a lot better nowadays at deciding who we are prepared to put the work in for. Sometimes that makes us look "picky" but rather that than be stuck in a boring and unrewarding relationship just in order to have a companion.


My response was not in regard to the consensus shared on the thread but solely for the post that I quoted. The reasoning behind anyone's election to remain unattached is personal and they are justified in the choices made which impact them and them alone. A stranger cannot decide what is right and I wouldn't begin to. 

Personal situations aside, there are individuals who cherish their ease and are hard pressed to relinquish it. The methods they employ may differ but their reasons are equally valid and not along the lines you've conveyed. The self is front and center and it is the orbit in which their lives revolve. That is a very difficult reality to sacrifice for a possibility that may never pan out. 

Solar Geek addressed the bar and I merely provided a modicum of insight behind its existence.


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

*Want to be accepted for who you are, never judged, always loved.*


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## _Karen_Cee_ (Jun 15, 2016)

Nsoitgoes said:


> *Sometimes that makes us look "picky" but rather that than be stuck in a boring and unrewarding relationship just in order to have a companion*.


This is the heart of it all - being stuck in a relationship (boring or otherwise) just to have a companion. That's what, IMHO, is the real question. It's what I ask myself a lot lately too. I think with me, it's also that fear that I'm going to wind up with someone who is really good at hiding their true nature. Maybe I'm just REALLY naive too. Or blind.


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## Nsoitgoes (Jan 31, 2016)

_Karen_Cee_ said:


> I think with me, it's also that fear that I'm going to wind up with someone who is really good at hiding their true nature. Maybe I'm just REALLY naive too. Or blind.


We can never be 100% sure of another's feelings, behaviors or motivations. There is no guarantee that we won't get our hearts broken. But that is the chance we take when we enter into a close relationship.

I can say one thing, though, unless you are willing to believe and to give it your all you will be the one hiding your true nature. I am not saying you should jump in with both feet before testing out the water - your brain needs to do some careful work before you allow your heart to be too involved - but at some point you have to decide whether you are prepared to be totally committed to the relationship, even if it doesn't work out in the end.

The best questions to ask yourself are "Do I actually *like* this person? Does he behave in a way that makes me proud to know him? Does he speak of others in a way that assures me he is a kind and honorable person? If he weren't a lover, would he be one of my best friends?" If the answer to any of these is "No" then it is time to face reality and say "Bye".


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## tamarackreg (Mar 13, 2006)

Listen to the subtle stuff - and your dog.


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## motdaugrnds (Jul 3, 2002)

Strangely enough this is a subject that interests me. Married and divorced early in life gave me experiences I will not repeat. Developing a career for self-reliance is something I thoroughly enjoyed. Raising a son was challenging and quite rewarding; and caring for a terminally ill mother was a blessing, even though it took a lot out of me. Thus, my life has been quite full with bouts of "scaring the suters off". 

Yes I've had quite a few opportunities thru the years to mingle with the opposite sex; and even now at 75 yrs there are choices. However, what I'm looking for in a man has more to do with a wholesome life style, a clean mind, ethics and, most importantly, spiritual discernment. If my Heavenly Father sees fit to let me meet such a man, my life style would change so as to accomodate his needs without forsaking my own. Until that time I'm thoroughly enjoying what each day brings...LOL...even repairing those darn fence posts...ROFL (I must add here I was not at all alone this morning in this endeavor as my Lab, Cujo, was quite willing to lay/watch and do nothing while I worked and my Karakachan, Valentina, let me know how foolish I was when one of those posts fell and hit me on the head while I was taking the last staples out.) 

One of the posters above made mention of "unconditional" acceptance as being valued; yet I find myself wanting something quite different. I'ld like to find a man with the traits I mentioned above who is, also, self-actualized; one who cares enough about me to tell me when I'm wrong about something. Now that would be a relationship worth taking a chance on! One who is just accepting of everything would be just too weak for me to enjoy being with. 

So, as Nsoitgoes put it so well, after my head checks him out and my spirit agrees, then I'll see what my heart does.


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## sarahbeth (Sep 13, 2013)

motdaugrnds said:


> I'd like to find a man with the traits I mentioned above who is, also, self-actualized; one who cares enough about me to tell me when I'm wrong about something. Now that would be a relationship worth taking a chance on! One who is just accepting of everything would be just too weak for me to enjoy being with.


This. You hit the nail right on the head.


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