# Single thoughts ...



## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

Well here is a topic for thought and comments.

I am single, and retired. Most of my work time friends have drifted away. One of my childhood buddies has passed and the other is still working rotating shifts and dealing with his wife and her many health problems. Son and his family live out of state, daughter lives in neighboring town and has about 30 hours of work and activities to do in a day.

I spend my days here on the place, most of my nights here, only go to town for groceries and other items and occasionally to eat. Go to daughters now and then, went to ball game yesterday.

I find that I do still get lonesome and want to talk now and again. I want to have company over for dinner now and again. Problem is others are so durn busy again and again. When I go out somewhere, I enjoy myself, but sometimes I look at the people around me and feel like a lost puppy. Last week I went to an auction to raise money for FFA put on NOT by school but by local folks. Had a live band ( one of the band is family), and there was beer to be had, brisket to eat and people standing in the street visiting. Lot of fun. At the Game yesterday, saw some people I know and visited a bit, but got to looking at them and suddenly, I just wanted to come home and sit on the porch with the dog.

Today, I have had no contact with anyone, probably should go check the mail at some point, and I am perfectly content...until I start thinking about supper and what I want and where I want to sit to eat it. Doesn't seem too problematic but sometimes i get frustrated by it and almost get the urge to go to town just to see people I can talk to.

Anyone else think and act this way?


----------



## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

Whiterock you are not alone in your feelings. I think we all experience this at various times in our lives. I know that I go through periods of time where I want to go out and be among people then do my best Marlena Dietrich impersonation--I just vant to be left alone.


----------



## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Ditto!

Mon


----------



## Clem (Apr 12, 2016)

I thought life was gonna be OK, then my partner developed serious health problems. So, for the time being, I'm in some sort of fugue that may or may not be eternal.

Whatever. I've only got one of my old timey friends still alive, the rest died from toxic misadventure. At some time, your choices catch up to you.

All in all, I still believe that somehow I make a difference. Although less and less in the internet age, when some dingbat can come sailing in and try his or her best to destroy your credibility, because they have nothing real to do.


----------



## COSunflower (Dec 4, 2006)

I think one of the worst things today is that everyone is so BUSY. Back when I was young (am 62 and retired now) everyone was busy also but seemed to have time to visit friends and family, have someone over for dinner, holiday parties etc. I'm thinking that maybe it is the priorities that we choose today. We ate dinner together every night. After dinner we all sat around the tv and watched Red Skeleton, the Honeymooners etc. and went to bed at a decent hour. Weekends were for yard work and having people over for dinner and playing cards. Sunday was for church and family. I miss the old days!!!!!


----------



## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

Same here. Had a doctor ask if I have human contact.......I had to think about what he wanted me to say. I guess I took too long and he said when was the last time you had a person touch you? UMm when you took my pulse ... he didnt think I was funny in the least. I came home and cried. I go to town once a month I go do what I need and come home. I dont know to many people so its never a place to talk to folks. And when your not around people to talk to when you do talk to someone you come off as a nut. Words dont come out right, or you say something stupid, or talk too much.


----------



## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

There are times I feel the same way. Bored to death for someone to talk with and then afterwards am glad to be back home with the dog. There has been a time or two that I have gone to Walmart to just walk around and look at things and maybe run into someone I know. I don't go to the bars or church, and I don't invite myself to someone's house to visit.


----------



## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Whiterock,

The secret to maintaining your retirement as a single sanity without a partner is to find nearby cafes and 24 hour restaurants and go for breakfast specials or just pie and coffee and become sort of a regular customer.

GF and I have breakfast a few days a week at a 24 hour restaurant between our places as she is going to work and between our breakfast hour and my second and third shift coffee breaks there as it's only 4 miles away, we have met and made friends with seven senior singles as old as our parents or grandparents.

Often when we have a fish fry or cookout some of them may come to the outing, sometimes they invite me or both of us to their places.

One old timer after finding out our field of engineering set up meeting with his son and daughter in law because he knew he could communicate with us and we could communicate with his son better than he was able to.

His using us as a networking conduit with his son and daughter in law actually helped him with his communications with them.

Never forget that "networking" existed long before the internet and social media , but it's your responsibility to go out and identify the potential human networking hubs in your area without saying "theres no places I like around here".

If you feel like you say you do, there is a major highway or interstate nearby, odds are there are others sharing your feelings and they will be among the regulars at the cafes or 24/7 restaurants you find.


----------



## Steve_S (Feb 25, 2015)

People used to complain that everything was closed on Sundays and now in the 7/24 hyper-speed world none can catch their breaths, let alone be social and have down time with friends & neighbours. Look around at the stress levels on everyone now... scary.

I feel that way sometimes but I also like the "quiet time" to ponder & reflect too without being bothered. The coffee shop (Country Style Donuts YUM) in the local town is a "Social Hub" and the staff always prep my order as I walk through the door LOL... 

GF & I spend as much time together as we can, as she is presently working out of country and she comes home every 3 months or so for a 3-4 weeks and then back at it... It's fine for us but certainly not for most I think... although after 3 months.... oh-my-oh-my... ;-)


----------



## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

Getting old SUCKS, but it is goooder than the alternative. However there are times when I am not 100% sure about that.


----------



## anniew (Dec 12, 2002)

I'm in my mid 70's, but don't act it! 

I keep alert and entertained by constantly learning new things.
I sign up for adult school classes, plus am currently enrolled in three college courses...all to keep my brain cells active...and also for social interaction. It is VERY interesting to see what is happening in the education field these days in terms of the younger students and what the instructors expect or not from the students. Audit classes so you don't have to worry about a grade (nor credit for the courses) and take course out of your normal range of interests. You may find a new interest/hobby and people associated with the same.

Three other women in their 60's and I get together occasionally and have fun, either just going out to lunch or doing a learning project. We also email each other each morning as a way to make sure everyone is okay, but also to tell what we will be doing that day. Sometimes we will then get together in person.

I enjoy being home by myself and taking care of my critters, but know that I also need people company sometimes, if only to practice talking to people and not critters.

We must actively look for places to interact with others. If you have a hobby, join a club, whether it is a dog club, a Ham radio club or a garden club or a solar energy club. You'll find others who have the same interests and can talk your language.

I know it's easier to just sit at home, but it can lead to loneliness and/or depression, so being active can relieve that. If nothing else, go to the library and get chatting with others, and you might find a new topic of interest that can lead to finding others who enjoy the same topic. And if you are religiously inclined, look for others at your house of worship in your age group to talk with.

Go to local municipal meetings and find a cause you care about. Whether it is to support a politician or a "stop-the-new-polluting-factory" cause or volunteer at the library or hospital or humane society to walk their dogs or whatever. 

YOU need to make your own fun and social contacts.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I know whatcha mean Whiterock. That's why I finally asked my X to live in with me. That MUST tell you I was lonely lol.


----------



## Nsoitgoes (Jan 31, 2016)

I truly believe that social interaction is a human necessity.

I am 70, live alone and actually enjoy doing so. I like being able to do as I please, when it pleases me. This is the first time I have been answerable only to myself in my entire life and I don't intend to give it up.

That said: I do have my children fairly close and I visit with them and the Grands fairly frequently. We also get together for meals or events that the grands are involved in. 

My SO only lives a few miles away and we have fallen into the comfortable habit of visiting one place or the other a few times a week. Sometimes for a meal, sometimes not.

I keep in touch with various friends via facebook or email. These are mostly people that I share hobbies or interests with. So, while I am alone I am not lonely.


----------



## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

I at least talk to daughter daily, sometimes several times. Go down for dinner. Another young couple daughters age invites me to cookouts often. One set of friends I used to go out with weekly now has so much debt from college loans for son they don't go out often at all, but about once every 2 months or so. When youngest is home on leave he wants me to go with them several times. Kinda thinks of me as a surrogate grandpa.

Lots of daughters friends and their children call me Grandpap, just as the kids do. Son brings his wife and daughter down every 3 or 4 months for a weeks stay. I eat that up, even get a bit misty eyed when they leave, then they get to the end of the driveway and I clear up and take a deep breath. 

Shrek, only decent cafe it town closed down. The other one you have to go in at 8 and order lunch to get served by 1. Sixteen miles to other decent breakfast joints, unless you want texmex breakfasts. good for me but not most. 

I have several friends that I can call every few days for a conversation, but they work crazy hours. Or tied up with their kids and grandkids to the point they have no life either.

I go to Historical Society meeting once a month and enjoy the heck out of it, mostly for conversation with people I have known forever and I"M one of the youngest there! Most places I go I'm the oldest.

Biggest complaint I actually have is I like to cook for big groups, I got lots of place settings, as I've mentioned before, but I have a devil of a time getting anyone to have the time to come. Just got invited to daughters for dinner tomorrow night, I'll be glad to go, but I really wanted to cook for them here. My ex never wanted company to come and especially to eat, just her immediate family on holidays. I grew up with big Sunday dinners 2 or 3 times a month, and I mean big enough that there were 3 or 4 shifts at the table.

Times change, I find that I actually prefer solitude most of the time. The town has grown so much that the city limits will be on my north fence line in a couple of months, and I used to be 7 miles from town. Unusual for me to go to town and see more than 2 or 3 people that grew up here, and that is if I stay for a few hours and run into a couple and their kids I grew up with.


----------



## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

My best (female) friend and I met about 16-17 years ago. We, and our husbands, hung out at the same IHOP in the evening...she and her DH worked crosswords with friends and DH and I would call out an answer when no one at their table knew it. Pretty soon we were asked to join the very loose puzzle group and she and I have remained friends.

They moved a ways away, so she and I meet every couple of months and things get a little frantic trying to catch up! We always say were're members of ADHD/Aspergers Anonymous and we just attended a meeting. Oddly, (not!) people believe us! That's ok though, we'll probably never go back to that restaurant anyway.

I believe she turns 45 this year....I will be 70.

Mon


----------



## ceresone (Oct 7, 2005)

My oldest daughter calls me about 5 30 am when she gets to work, yo make sure i'm alive. daughter that lives across coumty road, i see maybe every few weeks. other than that, its my animals and me. i go to town once a month to the feed store. only time i am touched is every 6 month, heart dr checks me. i like myself, most of the time


----------



## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Whitrock,

If you feel that the human network facets you are familiar with no longer exist due to folks being too busy with work, their families , etc. you may need to consider searching out new human network outlets more geared to seniors and retirees.

All areas have seniors and retirees after all.

I currently use the restaurant angle as one retiree outlet for me because while I am retired, she isn't and we live approximately the same distance from each other on opposite sides of the eateries so meeting there for breakfast allows me a bit of time to share with her in the mornings as she is heading out on that 40 mile drive I had to take for the 22 years it took me to finance my exit from our field sector in 2001.

When she achieves her exit in another five years , we have already concluded that we will retain our morning breakfast meetings along with our other personal interest outlets just without the restrictions imposed by one of us still having a work schedule to take into consideration.

During the first 15 years of my retirement before she initiated our reconnection, I had already joined our volunteer fire department and the civilian volunteer support auxiliary of the LEA for my area in addition to hanging out with guys I grew up with at the most civil billiards hall in the area, joining a weekly penny ante /three nickel limit poker game where the refreshments run us more than all the winnings/losses combined for the night and on occasion I even visit the local dead whittler's bench to see if I can trade out a pocket knife or two around doing my chores at home and spending time with her around her work schedule and my loafering and horse trading time.

Even though I retired in my 40s, many of my coworkers who were my training personnel and 25 to 40 years older than I either have passed on or moved to rest homes or assisted living retirement homes or just quietly retired and when visiting with them I am once again the 'young guy in the group" but they have their social groups just as I have my volunteer groups that I spend time with.

I didn't realize how many network options I had identified and added to my retired lifestyle until last year when she asked me if I could cut back on some of my loafer and volunteer activities so she and I could spend more time together.

Just look around and you will find many outlets that satisfy your need for socialization. Some may only provide you an enjoyable loafering, some may supply support for existing services in your area, some may allow you the opportunity to network with others longing for the same human networking your looking for.

If your good at finding opportunities in the thinking of the losses of what you once had as interests that occupied your time, you may even have to scale your post retirement/senior interests back some but that is easy on a flexible retired schedule.

You just have to get out there and look for the opportunities in your area to establish human network interests to your liking.


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Whiterock, there's a website called www.meetup.com

Anyone can join a group or start a group.
Maybe we can start a "Sunday Supper" group.
Find a place that will allow a gathering, everyone in the group brings a dish, a game, a hobby, a craft, etc and folks just get together for a meal.

I have very fond warm memories of family reunions when I was a kid.
My mom, aunt, brother and cousins would pack up and head to KY for the day to visit w/ family, eat, etc. Just that 'connectedness'.


----------



## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

I just haven't had time to think about it . been working straight out since Murray passed. by the time night time comes I'm pounded. then I always have something I have to get at the next morning. either in here or out in the country. winter coming on though might be different. don't have time to be lonely. course I was lonely when I was married. not much worse than that.

lately I have been thinking along the same lines as Laura mentioned. having suppers and teas is dear to my heart. I might start my own group. we use to have dinners for 8 or 12 etc. when I was with the UU church. I really enjoyed it. I was thinking more of having this in my own home though. the thing is most of the older friends have passed and the rest are mostly not well. I was thinking of putting it on Kijiji. not sure how that would work out or how to word it.~Georgia


----------



## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

I have had some health problems that helped turn me into a recluse of sorts, but I think I finally figured out what has made me sick for the last almost 50 years and fixed it. A change in diet and a couple of doctor recommended supplements and I am a new man.

So now I am thinking about what it takes to be a friend, a good neighbor, even a good customer. What is it I can do that brightens up another's day just a little? What does it take to be the kind of person that energizes others, rather than brings them down? How do I become the kind of person others want to be around?

Rush Limbaugh often says "It's not what you say, it's how you make people feel". So maybe the answer to loneliness is to make others feel good about themselves. At least that's the solution I'm going for.


----------



## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

not a thing wrong with that MR! I've been doing that for as long as I can remember. ~Georgia


----------



## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Georgia, if there is a college nearby, it might be interesting/fun to invite some of the international students over for a holiday meal...any holiday you choose! I'm sure there'd be an office/department for the international students, and they could give you some direction as to the ones who might appreciate an invite.

Mon


----------



## homefire2007 (Sep 21, 2007)

When my last fledgling left two weeks ago, I really wondered how it would feel. I miss him for sure. I find it's okay to feel exhausted now  I am a few months shy of sixty, kind of nice to just be.....just take care of myself for a while. I work, so still have social interactions on a regular basis. But after work I welcome the calm oasis of home, just the cat and I. When I retire (if I'm ever able to) it will be a whole different ballgame. We do need people


----------



## buslady (Feb 14, 2008)

Graderman has been gone now for 2 and 1/2 years. Sure gets lonesome at times, but I do have my kids and my church. Sure is a shortage of single men around here, but the women are plentiful. At 76 years old, I am not ready to join in the competition, so I will sit back and read your posts. It helps to make life interesting.


----------



## Rick (May 10, 2002)

Whiterock, this is a short video of a kitten in a shelter's courageous journey to visit friend. 

It made m think o you 

[ame]https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zME9ENZOiF8[/ame]


----------



## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

Thanks, Rick, unfortunately I'm one of the few left still on dial up


----------



## Rick (May 10, 2002)

whiterock said:


> Thanks, Rick, unfortunately I'm one of the few left still on dial up


Wow! In 2009, this city boy on 73 acres downloaded a video over a 45 minute span (dial up) on field dressing a deer. 

Got up the next morning at 5am watched the tutorial again with Ann and went out for an hour. 

Before I could warm up on break Ann hollered that the deer were eating the grass in my meadow!

After killing one I got to watch what happens to a deer in the 60 seconds after you claim it for food. Sad surprise for a city boy.


----------



## vickinell (Oct 10, 2003)

I still work and come home tired with several chores to do. I work as a life skills aide at an elementary. It is a rewarding job. I work with some great people. I have worked at several schools and have co workers that are at other schools that I have more in common. We get together several times a year for a meal.

I have grandchildren and great grandchildren I love and want to spend time with. I have a grand daughter I raised, in her last year of college before graduating in May. Hopefully I want be so broke when she gets a job.

I do get very lonely at times. I have friends just no time to enjoy them


----------



## anniew (Dec 12, 2002)

Priorities rule the day. It is sometimes hard to decide what to do as things always seem to bunch up schedule-wise.
Sometimes my plans are determined by whether an event will be meaningful long term or not OR will I be sacrificing a chance to meet with a friend to go to a meeting.
Too many choices sometimes, and no way to do more than one thing at a time.


----------



## hollym (Feb 18, 2005)

I guess I'm lucky because I really like to be by myself. That said, I am still working and have constant on line and on phone contact with work people five days a week. Also have younger son living with me right now, so there is a tiny amount of that, usually when he needs a ride somewhere, lol. I also help out with my mom two or three days a week and until recently was helping my sister and her husband build a horse barn for my dad. My daughter and only grandchild live 40 minutes away so I usually go see them on either Friday night or Saturday. 

So....I am always pretty excited when I have some alone time. I felt like chatting with some people tonight so that's why I am on HT. 

Not sure how I will feel when I retire, and if I ever become an empty nester, but I think I will like it? Time will tell.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

as to your last, Yeah, I liked it fine while I was working. After 6yrs it got old.


----------



## motdaugrnds (Jul 3, 2002)

Hmmmm What a great thread!

I am feeling quite free-spirited in these elder years. It is the first time I've not had to carry responsibilities for other people! Yet, carrying responsibility for only myself has been one of the hardest tasks I've ever encountered as it bring up feelings I've not had to deal with in the past, such as self-worth.

I am incredibly content to live alone on my little 6 acres. I can look back on my life and feel good about what I accomplished and what I've done for others. Now the only responsibilities I need carry relate to what animals and vegetation is around me. (My only neighbor is gone most of the time; and when she is home, she is reclusive; and I'm perfectly ok with that.)

The times I want to actually talk with someone I can do so via the net; and that is suiting me just fine. 

I must admit I do enjoy having company come visit but only if they bring an uplifting spirit. I'm too old and too tired to deal with those who only want to bring others down or complain about life. I'm in 2nd heaven if they want to talk about how good my Heavenly Father is! 

So though I live alone, I'm never lonely; and though I love others, I rarely like their behaviors and am rarely interested in what they are, i.e. the woes of this world. I firmly believe we make our own little world what it is; and I'm determined to keep mine uplifting and spiritually grounded.


----------

