# Too much socialization with homeschool?



## againstthegrain

My husband and I are thinking of homeschooling our children this fall. Up until now, they've been in public school. For many, many various reasons, homeschooling just seems to be the answer. Anyway, when we first considered it, my main concern was could I (ME!) teach my children and find the appropriate materials to give them a quality education? After much research, this is a resounding YES! My husband's main concern was the dreaded "S" word....socialization. I have already found and joined a homeschool group in our area. They understand that while I am leaning toward hsing, that I haven't yet filed the paperwork and it's still not 100% a sure thing. They have invited me, however to their FB group, different events, etc. For now, I have not attended anything. There was one time I wanted to, but we had a prior commitment. In the meantime, I've been lurking on their page, observing everything going on to get a "feel" for how this all works. 

So far, I'm amazed at how much they do. We are homebodies. We go out maybe once a week to run errands, or when the kids have a sporting event or practice, otherwise, we are home. It's looking like this hs group does something 2-3 times a week. Is that normal? That's way more socialization than what my own kids get now. Part of the reason why I'd like to hs is to have everything on our own time, so we aren't rushing to school or to get home before the bus arrives. My children participate in activities, but we limit it to one per kid per season, b/c I am NOT the kind of person that will live in a vehicle dragging my kids from activity to activity. We are currently at the end of baseball season and my son is already "done" with it. 

So I guess what I'm asking is, is there such thing as too much socialization? Am I wrong for not wanting to sign them up for every opportunity that there is? Also, I am missing out on a lot since I'm not signing up for things since we aren't 100% going to hs, and now classes and events are full. :bored:


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## FireMaker

We home schooled son from day one through HS. 32 on his ACT, went through education program and is now certified teacher. He was pretty unimpressed with the education program. Anyhoo, he was just commissioned and is looking a career Army.

The Boy was pushed much more than he would have been in public school. Because of the many contacts over the years, he has an unbelievable support system for his Army life. If he chooses to not go career, these contacts are a great start for jobs.

Homeschooling is great if you can do the schedule. Why pay the public school to screw my kid up when I can do it better.


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## Melissa

If you decide to homeschool, I would allow them to choose one activity with the group that they would enjoy. I did not homeschool, but still liked to keep life fairly calm. I tried to schedule our events all in the same day if possible, so we would have several days in a row where I did not have to leave.


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## chickenista

We are homebodies too, even DS.
He likes going out and doing stuff, but is very glad to be back at home.

So.. like the above poster said.. just pick an activity or 2 and only do those.
We opted out of 4-H, another book club etc..

And he Skypes with other homeschool kids from around the country as a socialization while also at home. Win win.


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## urban gleaner

The purpose of socialization is to learn to deal with all kinds of people, not just those like yourself.


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## offthegrid

Every child and every family is different. There is no "normal"....

Some kids really need interaction with other kids regularly; some of them are extroverts and they draw their energy from other people. Other kids are the opposite; too much socializing is exhausting for them and they prefer to limit it.

The really difficult thing is if you, as the parent, prefer one thing - to stay home, for example - but your child thrives on interaction. Just one of the many things you will need to find a compromise for in life.

If the group you have joined is more active than you prefer; it may not be right for you. But, if they don't mind having some members that aren't fully involved in every activity, who cares? Pick the ones you enjoy, and stay at home when you prefer.

There really isn't a right or wrong - unless there is a difference in the needs of the child v. the parent. I'd be very content staying home most of the time; but I know that my kids would be lonely and wishing for company. So I know I have to make an effort - and I do - to participate in activities away from home.


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## HTWannabee

I think one of the biggest mistakes for new homeschoolers is being too busy outside the home. I know some really extroverted families that are out every day and seem to need that but not us! 
The others are quite right, I think. One or two regular activities is usually plenty. Don't be afraid to leave your schedule open to be able to do things that come up throughout the year. We belong to a HS group that does a field trip each month. That is something we look forward to and is just enough. We have done coops but are taking the next year off from that. Just do what makes sense for your family.


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## Ohio dreamer

Just because the home school group has 2-3 activities a week doesn't mean everyone goes to everything. There are some groups out there that have a minimum requirement to do some things....but not too often is that the case. One of the biggest character traits among home schooler is they want to do it "their way". Just look at it as a blessing to have so many options to choose from. I found we were much more "active" when my kids were young, but as they have gotten older and the subject matter they are working on has gotten "heavier" we are home more (which makes me happy.....I'm a home body). My kids pick and choose what's important to them, honestly the home school activities usually come in low on the to do list. They enjoy the activities at church more.....bells, choir, youth groups, etc.


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## MCJam

The beauty of homeschooling is that you can do what works for your family. There is no "right" way to do it. The love and devotion you have for what is best for your children should be your driving force, not what anyone else is doing. Do what works, and if it doesn't, try again. It is good to ask questions, and obvserve others, gleaning from them ideas that may or may not work for you. There certainly can be too much of anything good, if you are doing it just because someone else is, or to impress others. Look at your family. Who are the individuals, what are their natural inclinations. "Raise up a child in the way HE should go". I am emphasizing it this way, so you are encouraged to design YOUR homeschool to taylor fit your family. That doesn't mean you won't have trial, difficulties etc. This isn't heaven (yet) after all. Relax, and enjoy your children. Raise children with good character first. Your children don't need another teacher. They need you to be their parent! Love them, encourage them to be their best, supply them with resources, and you will find that any child who has good character will take care of the academics and life themselves. We should be raising them to be competent, well adjusted adults. Some are very social, some are homebodies. The word needs them all! 

God bless you in your quest for what is best. Whether it is homeschool or not, do what is best for your situation.


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## Cookie2

Yes, my daughter is a social animal. When we HS'ed we found one of the problems we had was we were always out and about and that didn't leave time for traditional schooling. When you get used to interacting several times a week, just being home seems rather boring. If we do it again, we'd probably socialize just as much (my DD really, really thrives when learning in a group) and get curriculum out of the way via computer programs that challenger her to follow a specific pace.

I am a complete introvert and HSing DD pushed me out of my comfort zone. I did it for her, not for my comfort. What I loved about HSing socialization is they are exposed to kids of all walks of life and all age ranges and all ability levels. That is so much better than traditional classrooms where they are forced to tract along with people the same age and same ability level.


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## TexasGunOwner

Do stuff you like and don't worry about the rest. Assuming other people's kids are worth socializing with could backfire. On the other hand, as stated above, learning how to deal with people unlike yourself could be a good life skill.

We also homeschooled and think our kids are much better off.


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## Annsni

Realize that it's actually NOT more socialization than your children are receiving right now because right now, they are out of the house about 6 hours a day. So look at these activities not as overwhelmingly a lot of extra time but some great resources to fill in where you might need some help. So join what looks like it will fit your schedule and needs and skip the rest.


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## cindy-e

There are as many different types of people who homeschool as there are types of people who are in public school. And let's be honest. kids in public school don't hang out with kid with whom they have nothing in common. The band kids hang out with the band kids, the jocks with the jocks, the geeks with the geeks. Super smart and motivated kids take classes with other super smart motivated kids that the kids who don't care about academics very much just aren't interested in. Now, outside of those activities, the kids might not have much in common, but they have that one thing and it makes a friendship. Guess what? Homeschool activities are *exactly* the same way! They just don't all meet in the same place. Pick activities and groups that your kids enjoy. Don't worry about socialization.


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## dakani

My daughter is 2e and it seems even a relatively small amount of "socialisation" can upset her. She has recently been withdrawn from school (school year here begins at the beginning of Feb), and is SO much more relaxed! She has swimming lessons and gymnastics lessons once a week but other than that, it's just visits to the library or playgrounds. We are looking at joining the local home education network which has Thursday morning events. I'll see how she goes but it's unlikely we'd be attending all of them. Yesterday she went to her old school for school photos - after all, she'd been there for half the year - but even that brief half-hour of being with noisy children brought out her stim which we haven't seen since taking her out of school! I think you would know how much socialisation your children (and yourself) would enjoy. Try some out. If it's too much, cut down. If they want more, ramp it up. Nothing is really set in concrete.


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## nosedirt

"Socialization" of children is a myth. Chi Chi Rodriquez, the famous golfer from the 70s said "If you want your children to act like other children, have them be with other children. But if you want them to be mature and grow up to be productive adults, have them be with adults." Nothing wrong with letting your kids get together with other kids once in a while, but they don't need it constantly. They need Mom and Dad to spend time with them, the Grandparents, folks from church. We have home schooled four so far and two left to go. They see kids at church on Sunday and we get together with other HS families a couple times a month. All six of them can communicate effectively with all age groups and interact just fine. They are not damaged. haha


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## offthegrid

I agree with the post above -- I don't want other children to provide "socialization" to my kids, which is one reason they are NOT in school. (Although I wouldn't call it a "myth", just a misunderstanding of terms).

Socialization and Socializing are two different things. 

All kids need socialization (the teaching of social norms) though.  Preferably from people that demonstrate the qualities we want to see in our kids.

Kids do need the opportunity to "socialize" with other kids. However, all kids (and adults) are different. The amount of "socializing" I need is definitely less than what my kids need. Some kids need very little; others need much more. Homeschooling can be tough when you have a child that thrives with a lot of social opportunities, and a parent that prefers less contact with others. I'm lucky that my kids are pretty easy going, but have a couple of friends that feel like slaves to their kids' social lives. It's just how they are wired - they crave more interaction with other kids.


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## Whisperwindkat

With homeschool group activities and church we could easily be gone every day of the week doing something. But then no schoolwork would get done, I would be run down and my littlest would be one tired cranky child. So, we learned long ago that there has to be a compromise. Pick and choose activities and don't try to be there for absolutely everything offered. Blessings, Kat


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## MCJam

To put it simply, 
Why would I want my 5 year old child, who has no social skills, learn social skills from a classroom of 25 other 5 yr olds who have no social skills?

Homeschooling allows them to interact with all age groups. They look up to older people, mentor younger people and the only time my children have friction with friends is when they try to interact with others in the exact same maturity level that they themselves are in.


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## Annsni

MCJam said:


> To put it simply,
> Why would I want my 5 year old child, who has no social skills, learn social skills from a classroom of 25 other 5 yr olds who have no social skills?


This is what Gregg Harris (a great homeschool parent and speaker) calls "pooled ignorance" - surrounding a child with a bunch of other ignorant kids and they end up with no one to look up to or a role model for them except some other ignorant kid. Developmentally, it's actually not natural to be raised like that.


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## MDKatie

Annsni said:


> This is what Gregg Harris (a great homeschool parent and speaker) calls "pooled ignorance" - surrounding a child with a bunch of other ignorant kids and they end up with no one to look up to or a role model for them except some other ignorant kid. Developmentally, it's actually not natural to be raised like that.


That's the reason kids don't live at school (in most cases). Schools aren't raising children, parents raise children. School teaches them academics, parents teach everything else.


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## Annsni

MDKatie said:


> That's the reason kids don't live at school (in most cases). Schools aren't raising children, parents raise children. School teaches them academics, parents teach everything else.


My son wakes up at 6:30, is off to the bus by 6:50. He gets home at 3:30 and is in bed by 9. That means he is home, interacting with us for 5.5 hours but he is out of the house and either in school or on the bus for 8 hours and 40 minutes. Who has the largest amount of time with the children?

(He was homeschooled until this year - 9th grade - and he's doing fine because we established a great foundation with him. But had he been in school from the beginning, that would be a different story.)


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## MDKatie

Annsni said:


> My son wakes up at 6:30, is off to the bus by 6:50. He gets home at 3:30 and is in bed by 9. That means he is home, interacting with us for 5.5 hours but he is out of the house and either in school or on the bus for 8 hours and 40 minutes. Who has the largest amount of time with the children?
> 
> (He was homeschooled until this year - 9th grade - and he's doing fine because we established a great foundation with him. But had he been in school from the beginning, that would be a different story.)


Yes, they are in school for most of the day...that's like saying I live at work and not at home. Don't forget weekends, holidays, alll summer, etc.


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## Annsni

MDKatie said:


> Yes, they are in school for most of the day...that's like saying I live at work and not at home. Don't forget weekends, holidays, alll summer, etc.


I'm not saying that the kids live at school (although some days it does seem that way) but that the schools ARE helping to raise our children. We're not the only ones who influence our children when they are in school.


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## mekasmom

againstthegrain said:


> So I guess what I'm asking is, is there such thing as too much socialization? Am I wrong for not wanting to sign them up for every opportunity that there is?


I love this question! I am a firm believer that less is more. Pick a couple of extracurricular activities a week plus church (or whatever you do) and stick with that. We always did church Sunday, Wednesday, sports one day and homeschool group one day. Less is more.


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## KnowOneSpecial

We homeschooled for 5 years. I never joined a group because I didn't like the two we had to chose from. One was a "Hair up, Denim Jumper Down" kind of group and the other was out to prove there was no God. We are Christian and we homeschooled , but we didn't homeschool because we were Christian. 

Anyways, you can do as much or as little socialization as you see fit. We found things that were good for the kids like Scouts, Children's Choir, and Tae Kwon Do and left it at that. We also had several kids in the 'hood to play with. As you can tell, we lived in a suburb and it was easy to get to places. 

We now live in the country and I wouldn't homeschool out here. For one thing, the school district is really good. As for the religion thing, there's almost too much of it here. (Moment of silence before school, several teachers go to our Church and the offer to pray with our kids, singing several Christmas songs at the Christmas Program. I almost feel sorry for those who either don't believe or are of another faith.) 

Then there's the socialization issue out here. One of my best friends is homeschooling and while her kids are doing well academically, socially they are way off base. The 9 year old girl storms off every time she doesn't get to pick the games they play on playdates. The younger girl called my son a bad name (one that I know Mom has used in her presence) and she doesn't really play in a group at all. If she doesn't want to play a game she just goes off and does whatever she wants. They weren't like this before they homeschooled. 

There's more to "school" than academics. Only you can determine what is best for your family.


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## farmerDale

I help run an after school church program called Faithbuilders with our pastor, so I have good exposure to many children every week. If the naysayers of homeschooling think their kids are "socialized" better than the hs kids, I think they have a skewed view of what "socialization" is. 

The hs kids sit, listen, pay attention, are calm. The school kids are loud, all revved up, wild and crazy. ( of course with some exceptions). If "socialization" involves turning your kids into un-attentive, wild children, who ignore basic instructions from the leaders, well, good for them I guess. 

As these kids get older, knowing from personal school experience, the socialization will turn into weekend drunk fests, sexual perversion, drug use, and car accidents due to the above. Yup, that's "socialization" all right... Small towns for whatever reason have poor reputations for the drinking phenomenon especially. Part of our program though, is to hopefully start to break that trend. Show them fun without alcohol. Show them God is fun. But that is another story.

Socialization is the most over-used word to dissuade parents from schooling their own kids as they see fit. It was the most common critique when we started with our kids. Thankfully, some folks are coming around, and recognize the benefits our kids have. "socialization" or not!!!

I do think families can put their kids into too many things. Up here, the main one is hockey. If your kid is not in hockey, people look at you funny. Yup, that is socialization too. Hearing coaches and parents swear and scream at each other, because of a missed call, or a fight on the ice, or a scored goal: Real positive socialization there...Not to mention it is highly expensive, you are travelling all the time, and you are married to the rink for 5 months. While your kids who are not in hockey tag along or are raised by the babysitter for 5 months.

Priorities, much??? lol!


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## nosedirt

Farmer Dale,
Sorry but they only let me hit the like button once. You hit the nail square on. Amen Brother!
nosedirt


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## secuono

They are getting a TON of socialization right now from public school, to say 2-3 times a week going out is too much, that's wrong. They need to go out and learn how to deal with all kinds of people, to get over their fears, to learn new things first hand with new people. 
I went to public school, I was basically mute and terribly shy as a kid, it was heck and so much stress, but I would of never 'grew up and out of it' if I hadn't gone to public school. I never would of had to face my fears and learn how to deal with them. So I'm grateful for my schooling, even though I can hardly remember any of the pointless junk they taught, lol, but the things I learned in dealing with the other students and adults is what helped me be a more normal and well rounded person.


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## Annsni

farmerDale said:


> The hs kids sit, listen, pay attention, are calm. The school kids are loud, all revved up, wild and crazy. ( of course with some exceptions). If "socialization" involves turning your kids into un-attentive, wild children, who ignore basic instructions from the leaders, well, good for them I guess.


Unfortunately, I know a number of homeschooled kids who behave horribly. It's how they are raised. I don't like my kids to be around them.


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## farmerDale

Annsni said:


> Unfortunately, I know a number of homeschooled kids who behave horribly. It's how they are raised. I don't like my kids to be around them.


 Me likewise. Hence, I made that exception...


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## sugarspinner

Keep in mind that you home school so that YOU are in control of your child's education. Therefore, you make the decision to participate or not to participate in any given extra curricular activity or extra classes. You and the child decide whether to participate in any given program. 
We did home school our son from K through 12 and he went on to college for an English degree. And yes, we did go to some interesting HS group activities. But we also decided not to do them all. It is quite possible, and often preferable, to home school without a support group at all.


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