# For the Passionless....



## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

I am so sorry! Seriously I have no idea what to say when someone says they have no passion, no oompfh, no aspirations for the future.

I've been trying to meet new people and I am NOT joking...I just spent a few hours trading messages with four people and ALL OF THEM say they are passionless or otherwise have no aspirations for the future! I'm shocked...I'm dismayed....I'm also out of luck for a date....I don't know how to deal with people that are so ....whatever it is about life that they have NO outlook for the future....this is the question I posed to them tonight:

"So what is your passion? The thing you would most like to be doing in 2-5 years...or are you a person that doesn't really plan like that? Or are you already doing it?"

In my mind this was better than some standard, "So0o0o0o what do you do for a living?" Which always sounds so cheap.

These are the four answers I recieved:

"Not really a planning person like that,I just want to keep being a good dad for my son is my main thing"

**While I understand the focus, I wasn't expecting the wind to be taken out of my sails so quickly and for it to be flat. It would have been more encouraging if he would have added, "But I've always wanted to _____."

"I guess I don't plan. More of the same I guess."

"You mean sex?"

"Just to do more of the same, I don't think about it."


I feel so bad about this.

To think there are so many people that don't know what theirs is or haven't found it or don't think they can achieve it so give up. It's sad.


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

Perhaps they are just trying to find their direction. Show them yours and perhaps they'll be inspired to join you on your path.


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

I am passionate about being passionless. :hysterical:

Just joking around.

I feel your pain.


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## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

My younger sister wrote to me Christmas day and reminded me that I'm an optimist; I had forgotten I was. I haven't found what I want or where I'm going and I quite honestly don't expect to do so. I was married for years and in a rut; I don't have the luxury of my rut (which I happened to like very much) these days so I have to roll with the punches. I miss my rut but I also enjoy the adventure of never knowing where I'll land tomorrow or who I'll meet or how I'll handle the unhandleable that must be handled. (Why the heck did my alternator blow Saturday?) All this uncertain excitement is very odd for a staid old bean counter.

They are not where you are and won't be unless they decide to be or are forced to be. They haven't given up; they haven't been tested IMO.


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## Garrick (Dec 2, 2012)

People get down and sometime it hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Your doing the right thing, your making them THINK and that is a correct step in the right direction. In today's times its not hard to get down on yourself. 

Keep up the good work and it will payoff for yourself and the people your talking too. 



Sent from my SGH-T999 using Tapatalk 2


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

WhyNot said:


> ...
> 
> four people and ALL OF THEM say they are passionless or otherwise have no aspirations for the future! I'm shocked...


I blame that  Obama! ound:


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

doodlemom said:


> Perhaps they are just trying to find their direction. Show them yours and perhaps they'll be inspired to join you on your path.


 Yeah.... well I'll keep trying with other people but I did try with two of these people and it all went wonky. No dinner dates for me! LOL 

Course I don't see the point of dating someone that I'm not going to ultimately be interested in because they are not interested in anything I am interested in. Hence the questions I pick to ask.

I have occasionally thought of dating solely for free meals and movies or other entertainment...but I can't bring myself to do that. I have to actually like the person and have something in common with them. (dang me!)


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

Your dog is happy he got his sandwich...See the cup is half full lol.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Oh good lord JL!!! ound:


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## Marshloft (Mar 24, 2008)

There's something to be said about folks that are going thru hard times.
Sometimes, no matter how they strive to get thru the day,,, for what ever reason,, they just can't get past today.
I've heard it said by Chuck Swindoll, if you're not going thru something today, you've already gotten thru it,, or its headed your way.
For the life of me,,, for 5 long years, I couldn't see past yesterday.
For the first time in all these years,,, I finally feel as if I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Its been a long long road. I never totally gave up, which should be obvious.
That being said,,, I feel excited today, I can't explain it in its entirety,,, but,,, I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.
Having been thru the trials of being in the desert, I realize, I have no right to judge others for what they may be going thru,,, or how they live their lives till they finally see an oasis of comfort.
GH


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

Sounds like some have passion, but maybe they don't know it or know how to express it as such. Maybe the first guy's passion was his son. Maybe the guy with the sex question is passionate about that. That's a fairly normal passion for many. 

Maybe, as Ms. Doodle suggests, share your passion and try to find someone who wants the same thing or at least who is intrigued by your direction in life.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Marshloft said:


> There's something to be said about folks that are going thru hard times.
> Sometimes, no matter how they strive to get thru the day,,, for what ever reason,, they just can't get past today.
> I've heard it said by Chuck Swindoll, if you're not going thru something today, you've already gotten thru it,, or its headed your way.
> For the life of me,,, for 5 long years, I couldn't see past yesterday.
> ...


That's really cool. Thank you very much for sharing that...it gives me a bit of insight maybe into some of these answers I'm getting.

And I am very glad you can find yourself excited about something again...it's a great feeling.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Ramblin Wreck said:


> Maybe the guy with the sex question is passionate about that. That's a fairly normal passion for many.


For sure he is passionate about it, although not in similar way to my own unfortunately. After 20 more minutes of failing to get closeups of my uhm..... parts.....he finally gave up.

I'm weeding.


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

WhyNot said:


> ...
> I have occasionally thought of dating solely for free meals and movies or other entertainment...


Seems to be all the rage! lol

http://articles.businessinsider.com...6738_1_first-date-plentyoffish-com-mcallister

http://articles.businessinsider.com...560_1_match-com-roommates-japanese-restaurant


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

Weeding what? You shouldn't have to do that for a pic. Haven't you seen my armpit posts?


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

I have passion. I hope against hope. Because life is too short to be anything but completely and totally optimistic. 

Nonetheless, I understand those that aren't, as when that giant lawnmower blade of life cuts a person down, it can make them beg to regret those feelings of hope that they'd felt just a short time ago. Still, we keep tryin'... (or, at least, I keep tryin'). All positive. Irie.


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## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

WhyNot said:


> For sure he is passionate about it, although not in similar way to my own unfortunately. After 20 more minutes of failing to get closeups of my uhm..... parts.....he finally gave up.
> 
> I'm weeding.


I arrived late at the Net. 1998 when my mother was diagnosed with cancer and I was searching for answers. We were all using my father's AOL account on dialup--Dad not all, DS (aged 12) a lot and me a real lot. One night. I somehow wandered into a chat room where the age sex check came up. I answered honestly. and was surprised to see an e-mail pop up. I was all ready to open "Wanna see more of me" when DS told me "Mom, don't."

Haha. I did. because what the heck does a 12 year old know? Apparently a LOT. My eyes! 

No parts of me on the Net I hope. Okay, someone I know sneaked a pic of me in a thong when I was sleeping but no face so it's not me, right?


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

doodlemom said:


> Weeding what? You shouldn't have to do that for a pic. Haven't you seen my armpit posts?


LMAO! NO! I meant weeding out the men...not shaving my pits or anything else. Besides that I just saw a craigslist ad that a guy is paying $400.00 for pics of ladies' "unweeded" patches. (no...I am NOT kidding)


katydidagain said:


> Haha. I did. because what the heck does a 12 year old know? Apparently a LOT. My eyes!


Ah yeah my mom got on the net at around the same time. I always told her to READ the descriptions of the sites she searched BEFORE clicking. One morning she calls me at 1am and it goes like this:
Mom: I'm so sorry I am calling you so early but I have had an "experience"
(everytime my mother says she has had an "experience" it's going to be something scary bad or funny bad)
Me: What happened?
Mom: Well you know those cataloupes so and so gave us? 
(there is always a story behind everything that MUST be told before the "experience"
Me: Yes.
Mom: Well they are really ripe and I wanted to look up a recipe for doing something with them....
Me: Please tell me you did not search for "hot melons"
Mom: NO! No I didn't!
Me: Good...what happened?
Mom: I searched for "big ripe melon recipes" and I clicked on the second one down and did what you told me not to do.
Me: You clicked on it without reading it.
Mom: I clicked on it without reading it and well, things kept popping up faster than I can red x them.
Me: So... (tries not to laugh)...what is popping up?
Mom: OH IT'S DISGUSTING!!!

Of course I ended up having this conversation about a year later...wherein Mom was upset because she let my daughter use the computer and....
Mom: I have to tell you something, Kate and I had an "experience" after school today.
Me: What happened?
Mom: Well she had that school report to do on tigers and wanted to print out a picture of a tiger and she clicked on the first one before I could read it.
Me: Yeah?
Mom: Yes. And this picture popped up, I don't think she saw it for very long.
Me: What was the picture?
Mom: Well, she didn't really make it all out I don't think.
Me: What was the picture?
Mom: She searched for "girl tiger"
Me: Oh man.
Mom: Yes. This picture was of a woman on all fours all soaped up.
Me: Was she alone in the picture?
Mom: Yes and there was nothing to do with a tiger in it so I don't know how it got in the search.
hahahaha....oh mom! LOL



katydidagain said:


> No parts of me on the Net I hope. Okay, someone I know sneaked a pic of me in a thong when I was sleeping but no face so it's not me, right?


I don't have that luxury LOL.


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

Maybe they don't feel that they know you well enough to share that part of themselves with you.


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## farmgal (Nov 12, 2005)

Cant stand a guy without passions and goals. Complete turn off. No offense to any one who resembles that. They smother me, thus putting out my fire...lol 

You become there hobby. It will be your job to make them happy. In the same token, they bore me to death !

I also have many long and short term goals. Only one is important that they should also enjoy and that is far away traveling someday. I work towards my goals constantly. It is what motivates me and keeps me focused. Stagnant and me dont mix. Drives me crazy. If I ever went to jail, I would last a day and be nuts. If he doesnt have things he does without me, I feel overwhelmed and smothered. I have to have lots of me time. Well, me and my horse...lol

I love to plan and think of the future, but at any moment I will make changes spur of the moment, no problem. Nothings written in Pen. "A" type personality is most compatible with me.


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## liddledoggie (Feb 6, 2007)

good subject you brought up whynot. i have lost alot of my passion. getting older, being in a bad relationship, the economy and other things take there toll i guess. im still passonate about beer and getting out with friends. joe


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## tinknal (May 21, 2004)

But life is so much_ easier_ when your dreams die,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

i love life and have the next 300 years planned out if i can pace myself.

my wheelchair is going to have a radio and scabbard for my bb gun and slingshot and holders on each side for homestead books and my picture albums of all the stuff i did,do and hope to still do one day.

oh and a thumb bicycle bell and streamers off the back handle bars where they push me around by.

woooooot


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

WhyNot, you desperately need to come to the Oregon Country Fair this summer. If nothing else to find people passionate about blowing bubbles, body paint, orgasmic carrots, or just plain hugs. Or you can oogle men in kilts WHO WILL TWIRL FOR YOU, with me n Cindilu. Like I think that would count as passionate about passionate oogling. Exponential passionateness. Some of them even have antlers.



Wink.


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

Oops I meant "organic"...my bad.


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

elkhound said:


> i love life and have the next 300 years planned out if i can pace myself.
> 
> my wheelchair is going to have a radio and scabbard for my bb gun and slingshot and holders on each side for homestead books and my picture albums of all the stuff i did,do and hope to still do one day.
> 
> ...


I keep tellin ya you're on the wrong coast!!!


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

elkhound said:


> i love life and have the next 300 years planned out if i can pace myself.
> 
> my wheelchair is going to have a radio and scabbard for my bb gun and slingshot and holders on each side for homestead books and my picture albums of all the stuff i did,do and hope to still do one day.
> 
> ...


What? No baseball cards in the spokes of the wheels?


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

wyld thang said:


> Oops I meant "organic"...my bad.


 
No you didn't!!!! Nothing like those orgasmic carrots!!!ound:


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:donut:

I sure do love donut balls ... and my miracles, and all y'all.

:donut:


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:donut:

ATTACH]1782[/ATTACH]

:donut:


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

Nice picture, Glazed!

Here is a picture of my passion....


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

liddledoggie said:


> good subject you brought up whynot. i have lost alot of my passion. getting older, being in a bad relationship, the economy and other things take there toll i guess. im still passonate about beer and getting out with friends. joe


Hi Joe. I understand. Having been through many bad relationships (romantic and otherwise), having been used, abused, taken advantage of and etc does take its toll.

I imagine if we all started to list our life troubles up until now we would find out that in some cases we have no "right" to complain becase someone else has had it "worse" and we also would find out that we do have a "right" to complain because we've had it "worse" than someone else.

It is okay to validate the crappy things that have happened to us by saying "HEY! This affected me so much I have no hope for _____ blank right now" It IS OKAY!

What does us a disservice, in my opinion, is not finding SOME way to overcome, to recovery to keep on. If it's beer and friends that keep the light on at the end of the tunnel, then so be it. However, I bet that you could eventualy come up with something from your creative side that would give you pleasure and would be something to get excited about.

Growing a bean....making a picture frame....cleaning the house to get it ready for the new year....making a bonsai out of a shrub in your yard (or tree)....reclaim your imagination. You don't HAVE to put on fairy wings and dance contra with Wyld Thang to claim you have a passion for life and living it....you can quietly do a paint by numbers...something relaxing...something that will get the creative side going.

I am really thinking that passion and excitement for something, for life, for doing something is really hooked in imagination and creation.

If you believe in God or something similar...He did make us in his own countenance...we ARE creators and destroyers of "worlds". It just depends on whether or not you want to create your world or subsist in it or destroy it. Other people seem to sometimes come into our lives and wreck our stuff...whether that stuff is actual material stuff or that stuff is the stuff in our minds and hearts. They break our trust and make us sad.

But we CAN create a way out of that and it can start by actively deciding to create excitement where you may have formerly lost yours. Did you have a bit of passion/enjoyment to cook but lost that spark due to something? You can recreate it. 

Lost interest in sex due to ... illness, medications.....what others have done to you, etc? You can get it back...it's a matter of deciding that it is okay that it happened and finding the way back. Even if you don't desire to have a partner or even have sex with a person casually...there's nothing wrong with resparking the emotions and the desires associated. It feels good. It feels good to love and to care for something whether it is an animal or plant or person.

I think sometimes people who have lost their spark tend to not go for long term goals because they have been overcome by the present. You mentioned the economy...yes it is depressing. And if a person doesn't feel like they know how to make side money or maybe they actually physically cannot....then I'm sure they stop planning for the future because ...well...what is the use if there is no way to make it happen. BOY DO I UNDERSTAND THAT!

However, maybe try to take much joy in finding a good deal or being given something...be proud of what you have...be proud of the skills you have that keeps you going on a limited income. Take it slowly with hobbies...gathering specials and deals until you can do it. This is what I do.

For two years I have been gathering items to make soap. I've only been able to make a few batches in that time because supplies can be expensive. But I manage it. And there is A BIG THRILL when I find an otherwise $25.00 1 ounce bottle of soap fragrance oil in a clearance bin for $2.00. I say, "YES!!!!!" And I do a little dance and then I dream of all the smelly-good soap I'm going to make with it. And then I sometimes get lucky. "Do you want this pig fat? No one else is going to do anything with it, we are going to throw it away..." "YES!! GIMME!!!" WhoooHOOOOOO! Now I will be able to make a batch of soap!

Do you know how expensive rice flour is? Do you know it is super easy to make it? I have a hard time with gluten because I don't have a gall bladder. I was posed a question, "No one will eat this brown rice...can you do something with it?" TWENTY POUNDS of it!  YES! I can make rice flour!!! I can make bread! This will be my first official rice flour bread loaf. I just made the flour yesterday. WHOO HOOO!!!

*The only difference between doing something and doing nothing is....doing something.*

*Beauty is in the eyes of the beerholder*

Maybe people don't necessarily need to change their minds or their attitudes...maybe they need to change what they are looking at.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Oh BTW you guys...while we were all talking I kept talking to the first guy...I responded with:

"I see, so you really have no desires other than to raise your son. That is commendable, sometimes we lose sight of ourselves though, I know I did in raising my daughter. I ended up reclaiming myself when she turned old enough to move out and I realized I was alone."

He responded with:

"When you put it like that it doesn't sound so good LOL."

Then he went on to talk about the garden he had and the water reclamation system he had on his gutters and why he didn't do those things last year. 

And we talked for a while about homesteading and values...so it turned out a pretty decent conversation. 1 out of 4 isn't too bad I guess. He also said to me at one point, "WOW! You're like a nomad traveler!"

haha...yes....it has turned out that way these past 6 months or so.


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## Marshloft (Mar 24, 2008)

Way to go "whynot". You just said a mouthfull.
Did you have a double shot of expresso in your coffee this morning?


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Uhm..... I'm actually on my fourth shot of espresso....I don't have a coffee maker...I have an espresso machine. HAHAHAHAHHAAAA!


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## NoClue (Jan 22, 2007)

Another possibility is that they have passions they don't feel are plusses to reveal at the beginning of a relationship. Offering myself as an example, since I don't know any of y'all is that every winter I do some kind of sewing or needlework kind of project. It's just not very masculine and not what most women are looking for in a man. After they get to know me, they may decide that the inordinate amount of pride I take in my winter project may just be a harmless eccentricity, but when I first meet a woman I think I might want to get to know better and she asks what I do in my free time, I'm NOT telling her that that I'm making a filet crochet tablecloth.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

WhyNot said:


> I am so sorry! Seriously I have no idea what to say when someone says they have no passion, no oompfh, no aspirations for the future.
> 
> I've been trying to meet new people and I am NOT joking...I just spent a few hours trading messages with four people and ALL OF THEM say they are passionless or otherwise have no aspirations for the future! I'm shocked...I'm dismayed....I'm also out of luck for a date....I don't know how to deal with people that are so ....whatever it is about life that they have NO outlook for the future....t*his is the question I posed to them tonight:
> 
> "So what is your passion? The thing you would most like to be doing in 2-5 years...or are you a person that doesn't really plan like that? Or are you already doing it?*.


OK....THAT is B-R-I-L-L-I-A-N-T.
That is an amazingly brilliant question to ask!!!!

YOU can learn SO MUCH about a person in this one question!!
This one question can really reveal A LOT about the person who answers, and if you want to move forward or not in pursing a friendship-relationship-marriage with them.

I simply love this question. 
Brilliant. Just Brilliant!!


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

Hm, I'm like, "what grabs your inner child by the balls?" it's at the same time sacred/not sacred and those who have ears to hear give a dang good answer. and I will confess the answer "you do" has uh, worked out just fine  

the thing about fairy wings is that stuff like success or productivity or goals or even stand up good character is not tied to the wearing of them.all those things are in flux, but if a person can do something just for the joy of it, that counts for a lot.

Oregon fairy, ha!


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

back shot so you can see how he made them hahaha
PS, this guy was there with his partner and two small children, all fairied up.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

NoClue said:


> Another possibility is that they have passions they don't feel are plusses to reveal at the beginning of a relationship. Offering myself as an example, since I don't know any of y'all is that every winter I do some kind of sewing or needlework kind of project. It's just not very masculine and not what most women are looking for in a man. After they get to know me, they may decide that the inordinate amount of pride I take in my winter project may just be a harmless eccentricity, but when I first meet a woman I think I might want to get to know better and she asks what I do in my free time, I'm NOT telling her that that I'm making a filet crochet tablecloth.


 
I see. We think of things differently. I would rather want to know right away whether or not someone just offhandedly thinks preserving their own food, wanting to live in the woods, harvesting wild growing plants and etc is crazy. I don't want to find out 6 months later, after investing time and etc, only to find out that it will never work because they also never told me that they go bazonkers everytime a Rangers game is on and paint their bellies. There is nothing wrong with it...but I would imagine a sports enthusiast such as this would really not want to live in the middle of nowhere without television service.

In that case, our passions, what we each get excited about really are not very similar nor even complimentary.

If a man told me (and they have) right from the get go, I really like to spend my winter months creating something that is beautiful that is also funtional by knitting or crocheting afghans and doillies.

To ME these are not just marketable but handy skills that actually have something in common with my own passions and excitements. It tells me they are creative, it tells me they like beautiful things, it tells me they have sticktoitiveness.

I can see your viewpoint, noclue, I really can. I just have to wonder though....I guess I figure if they can't handle the things I do, aren't interested from the start, think it's weird or whatever...then they aren't going to later on.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

JR, If ya got to hate Bama, I guess thats OK. I PARTICULARLY hate ------, er, I mean Bane er. I realize that to put ALL my hate on just one man would be a good waste of good hate on just one bad man. I have very little hate in me anyway, 
SO, Because I believe that its wrong to hate my foreman when I was working, and realize that he was ONLY a SMALL part of my problems, I realize that, besides hate Bane r, I got to also hate the senate, and hate the congress. When alla thats done, Then, with respect to the OFFICE of president, I hate the holder. There all in this. They all put us where we are now, one way or the other. They all got bought off, They all will be doing nearly the same thing after next election as they are doing now, SO, I feel, as a vet, and a vote r, I need to hate them all, so that nobody feels like im partial, or predijuced


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Looks like a beautiful bunch SZ


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

I agree with you whynot! Im afraid a lot of society has no aspirations to better theirself. At least realistic aspirations, I think everyone is an aspiring lotto winner?They're not content with their lot in life, but they do nothing to change the day to day existence they have.

A lot of people have dreams of better, but no defined plan of getting there. THey want it to fall out of the sky with no blood, sweat, or tears from them. Without determination, all a dream will be is just a dream.

I've never had a written plan, just pictures in my head, and a desire to be as good as possible at what I did. And I plan on keeping it ongoing. THere have been times when I was close to losing what I had worked for.Seems by the grace of God I always had a way to get by, and there is a light that glows pretty good for me now. If I hadn't made it, I would have started over again.

I'm still not where I wanted to be, but realistically I'm in a good spot. Doubt I'd change much about anything in the past. All of it shaped and changed me into what I am today. And I'm a pretty happy camper with few wants or needs.


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

WhyNot said:


> I see. We think of things differently. I would rather want to know right away whether or not someone just offhandedly thinks preserving their own food, wanting to live in the woods, harvesting wild growing plants and etc is crazy. I don't want to find out 6 months later, after investing time and etc, only to find out that it will never work because they also never told me that they go bazonkers everytime a Rangers game is on and paint their bellies. There is nothing wrong with it...but I would imagine a sports enthusiast such as this would really not want to live in the middle of nowhere without television service.
> 
> In that case, our passions, what we each get excited about really are not very similar nor even complimentary.
> 
> ...


But what if their viewpoint that what you're doing is crazy is based on never having actually been exposed, first hand, to it? By not considering them, you might be shutting them off from a change in view and yourself from exploring your passion from a different viewpoint that expands it and makes it grow.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Tommyice said:


> But what if their viewpoint that what you're doing is crazy is based on never having actually been exposed, first hand, to it? By not considering them, you might be shutting them off from a change in view and yourself from exploring your passion from a different viewpoint that expands it and makes it grow.


If they view it as crazy all they need to do is ask me questions. Regardless of whether they have experienced it themselves or not. If they are so "freaked out" that they cannot ask a question, perhaps they are too delicate to be compatible with me.

An example. I met a guy here (in Fort Worth) that in no way I am interested in and he is not interested in me. He is strictly city all the way. He likes it like that, it is all he's known and it is all he wants. He thought the water reclamation idea was absurd...why go through all that work for some plants? That is what he asked me.

When I answered him he was fascinated. Although he has no interest in it what so ever. Thing is...this man is in no way interested in me as anything but a friend BUT HE ASKED.

Any guy...from any background...that won't so much as ask...well. Then obviously they aren't even interested in making a new friend, learning about said friend or anything else.

Besides...if I kept saying what if all the time...I'd have a whole lot of obligations to men that I have no deeper interest in other than chatting once in a while. Which is fine but I have enough people to spend idle time chatting with already. I'm looking for substance....someone who is already to a point in their life similar to mine...not someone I have to train in the basics.

If the person was mildly interested in something they think is crazy they would ask. You aren't going to change someone's viewpoint by keeping secrets only to spring on them later.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Just realized something. Maybe I am making it sound like I hear they have no passion or they aren't telling me and that I just stop talking to them. No...not at all...I explain my position in life and what I aspire to one day...the lifestyle that I am going for....and usually...most of the time...THEY stop responding. I leave it up to them actually. I don't necessarily write them off as a conversationalist or friend...I may in my mind say...well we really don't have a lot in common...but I am friends with several people I don't have much in common with.

Again though, I'm looking for a partner in life...someone that will stand the test of time...not a friend. I have decided to be very proactive about it for a while and if it works great...if not at least I know I tried before I get out on my secluded homestead.


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## NoClue (Jan 22, 2007)

WhyNot said:


> I see. We think of things differently. I would rather want to know right away whether or not someone just offhandedly thinks preserving their own food, wanting to live in the woods, harvesting wild growing plants and etc is crazy. I don't want to find out 6 months later, after investing time and etc, only to find out that it will never work because they also never told me that they go bazonkers everytime a Rangers game is on and paint their bellies. There is nothing wrong with it...but I would imagine a sports enthusiast such as this would really not want to live in the middle of nowhere without television service.
> 
> In that case, our passions, what we each get excited about really are not very similar nor even complimentary.
> 
> ...


 
You may be right, and it may be something I ought to consider.

A recurring theme of trouble in my recent divorce was "Why can't you just do normal guy things?" It's made me kind of self-conscious about all the strange guy things I do like gardening, cooking, and such


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

NoClue said:


> A recurring theme of trouble in my recent divorce was "Why can't you just do normal guy things?" It's made me kind of self-conscious about all the strange guy things I do like gardening, cooking, and such


That is unfortunate. But you HAVE seen how most women here moon over Elkhound and his projects right? He cans and gardens and cooks and such.

Not sure what normal guy things are supposed to be...is that like football and beer and belching and butt picking and mowing the lawn?

I need to find that "weirdo" guy that says..."To heck with the lawn, let's plant it with chickweed and dandelion and lamb's quarters! Something I can flippin USE! 

Don't know that it's about being right...we all do what we do however we are going to do it. There are many ways to look at things and sometimes it's good to consider another view, whether or not we change ours. I have been considering others' views in this thread. I see how they get their views, I understand them. Whether or not it would work for me is not the point. Seeing them, understanding them is the point.


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

i dont do sports and i wont do sports....you could get me to wear the fairy wings before you would get me in a sporting event.....lol

yard...pffftttt....i hate mowing grass...same as you whynot...if it grows i want to be able to use it.i just do what peaks my interest centered around my homestead mostly....wait till i get my great grandmothers sewing machine.....lol...i might make something.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

I think a lot of people let the circumstances of life kick and stomp the passions of their inner child to death and they can't revive. They cannot dare to hope and dream again. 

I do know several very passionate men. Their passions are revealed slowly. To outright ask, they woulda' said, "I dunno." Sometimes I saw this great energy when they didn't know I was there watching. Why?

Fear of ridicule, of exposing their real selves? We are a society of mediocre conformity. That narrow band of Normal gets more narrow all the time. Individualism gets blasted no matter the creativilty. 

The passionate creativity can only be exposed heart to heart in a safe and trusting environment. Safety and trust take time to build. By time we get there I am reminded again for every positive, there is a negative facet to such great passion.


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## SilverFlame819 (Aug 24, 2010)

tinknal said:


> But life is so much_ easier_ when your dreams die,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


I don't know if this was said as sarcasm, but it's the honest-to-god truth. I wouldn't say that I was happy when I wasn't spending my days dreaming, but now that I've realized I can't just let life happen to me anymore, and that I need to do what I love, I have a constant feeling of buzzing on the inside... Like cabin fever and excitement rolled into one. But with that comes frustration that I'm not THERE YET, and that things take so much money and waiting! :S



shanzone2001 said:


> Nice picture, Glazed!
> 
> Here is a picture of my passion....


Shannon, are these your kids?! I know you talk about them being teenagers now, but I didn't picture them so BIG! What nationality are they? They have the prettiest skin tones!!



NoClue said:


> when I first meet a woman I think I might want to get to know better and she asks what I do in my free time, I'm NOT telling her that that I'm making a filet crochet tablecloth.


Whhhhhhhhhat? Why not?! That is HAWT!! 



WhyNot said:


> Thing is...this man is in no way interested in me as anything but a friend BUT HE ASKED.
> 
> Any guy...from any background...that won't so much as ask...well. Then obviously they aren't even interested in making a new friend, learning about said friend or anything else.


I have a friend who is an MMA fighter (just to give you an idea of what his interests are *lol*) who once asked me enough questions about chickens (breeding, genetics, eggs, incubating, etc) to keep him fully engrossed in chicken conversation for a 2-hour car ride. I was surprised by his questions. It's not at all a subject that he is passionate about, but he thought it was interesting that I knew so much about something he'd never even thought about, so I happily answered his questions the whole way home. Gotta give props to someone for having an interactive conversation with someone about something they have no real interest in. :thumb:


I think that guys who are passionate about something (ANYTHING) are attractive. I love when people get excited about what they're talking to you about. Even if it is not something you have any real interest in, it makes talking to them FUN and INTERESTING. It makes me smile. I love the energy that goes along with excitement over something. I figure I may never meet a man who gets excited about breeding rabbits or goats or chickens... and that's okay! But it would be the coolest thing ever to find a man who was interested in MY interest in them. And if he geeked out on gardening, alternative power, or other things that would be beneficial to the kind of life I want to lead (but do not necessarily get all crazy about MYSELF), that would be the icing on the organic, from-scratch, homesteady cake.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

SilverFlame819 said:


> I have a friend who is an MMA fighter (just to give you an idea of what his interests are *lol*) who once asked me enough questions about chickens (breeding, genetics, eggs, incubating, etc) to keep him fully engrossed in chicken conversation for a 2-hour car ride. I was surprised by his questions. It's not at all a subject that he is passionate about, but he thought it was interesting that I knew so much about something he'd never even thought about, so I happily answered his questions the whole way home. Gotta give props to someone for having an interactive conversation with someone about something they have no real interest in. :thumb:
> 
> 
> I think that guys who are passionate about something (ANYTHING) are attractive. I love when people get excited about what they're talking to you about. Even if it is not something you have any real interest in, it makes talking to them FUN and INTERESTING. It makes me smile. I love the energy that goes along with excitement over something. I figure I may never meet a man who gets excited about breeding rabbits or goats or chickens... and that's okay! But it would be the coolest thing ever to find a man who was interested in MY interest in them. And if he geeked out on gardening, alternative power, or other things that would be beneficial to the kind of life I want to lead (but do not necessarily get all crazy about MYSELF), that would be the icing on the organic, from-scratch, homesteady cake.


Yes this is what I am talking about exactly. Even if we aren't completely into each others thing, that it is complimentary.

Also your MMA friend, that is also what I am talking about, even if he doesn't really want to do it himself he is at the very least wondering what attracts YOU to it and sounds like he was interested enough in LEARNING about something regardless if he's going to haul off and do it or not.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Im with you on sports Elk. IF I cant DO it, I aint going to sit and watch it. AND I aint got time nor inclination, to do any sports anymore.

I agree with HATING to mow lawns. ID MUCH rather hoe an area with veggies in it, than mow it all with grass in it. Seems a waste of time, and it has to be done several times with no more reward at the last time, than at the first.


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

I like to cook, clean to a pretty high degree, and I LIKE to rock little ones to sleep. I also like running saws and piling wood, tending stock (even rough cattle) and working in a hayfield... I have been on both ends of the passion thing... was blessed enough to do what I was gifted for and loved, for most of my life. Also been at the point where I absolutely forgot HOW to dream, tho I could remember having them, couldn't quite remember what that felt like... Tell you what my passion is? Maybe in a general sense, but something exact would be what I do with the most intensity and care, and that depends on the day... I think most "passionless" people are just way out of touch with what does that for them...


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

I bet you're down with ho-ing tomatoes, Bill


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

be warned...biblical inspired video...but its for everyone...i think....lol

[youtube]JlW0rf7I2v8[/youtube]


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

Whynot have all these "conversations" been typed online or in person? Using Silver's MMA fighter friend as an example, they were speaking in person, using voice. Not the typewritten word. 

I can talk about my interests more easily than typing about them. Just a thought.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Some online, some on the phone and some in person. This has been an ongoing thing over several weeks. And actually, the ones that talk to me the longest about it...ask questions and etc before they disappear have been online save for my friend here in FTW.

But still the seemingly inordinate amount of people that simple have no passion, lost sight of it or whatever is shocking to me. Maybe they are too shy to talk about what they want to be when they grow up....I find that sad too but differently.

I met a guy online who comes at me with "I own a harley, fix them for a living and knit, how does that grab ya?" I said, "That's cool, I run information networks for a living and want to live out in the boonies on a farm." haha crickets chirpped after that.

You know I could be reading this wrong but Tommy....but you seem to be saying collectively that I should not tell them up front what I aspire to do (which usually makes them run away) because, somehow, holding that back may help me enter into a relationship. I do not understand that math.

People have related in here that they do that...they hold back some of their hobbies because it might not be considered "manly"....I also see they are not in relationships. So that tells me that one way is not better than another.

You also seem to be saying that by coming up front with the passion question and they say they don't have any goals in life that I am just ignoring them after that. This isn't true as I said in an earlier post. I always let them decide whether to keep talking to me or not, whether I have met them in person, online or talk to them on the phone (usually after meeting them online). 

I'm all for finding a good and healthy relationship but I also feel that it should be their decision to continue. I've already had relationships where I assumed the person wanted me and the lifestyle I spoke about and I made sure to keep in contact. This time I am letting them all run the show...I figure if I leave it up to them...then I will know who actually is interested in me and what I am telling them enough to keep the friendship growing...or the ones that let it fall away because they are not ultimately interested.

Perhaps it's "wrong" but it's something I haven't tried yet. What is the worst that can happen? Being alone? hahahahahaaaa


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

FarmboyBill said:


> JR, If ya got to hate Bama, I guess thats OK. I PARTICULARLY hate ------, er, I mean Bane er. I realize that to put ALL my hate on just one man would be a good waste of good hate on just one bad man. I have very little hate in me anyway,
> SO, Because I believe that its wrong to hate my foreman when I was working, and realize that he was ONLY a SMALL part of my problems, I realize that, besides hate Bane r, I got to also hate the senate, and hate the congress. When alla thats done, Then, with respect to the OFFICE of president, I hate the holder. There all in this. They all put us where we are now, one way or the other. They all got bought off, They all will be doing nearly the same thing after next election as they are doing now, SO, I feel, as a vet, and a vote r, I need to hate them all, so that nobody feels like im partial, or predijuced


It took me a while to realize you were talking to me, cause you said JR instead of JL. I am the II but never was called JR! lol

I understand what you are saying. I just said that about Obummer cause I really don't like his policies and some of the lies that he has told. (plus it was all meant as a joke, hence the ound

I don't hate anyone. Hate is such a negative emotion that it is totally self destructive. It will kill the hater faster than the hatee just in the added stress levels.

I try to get along with everyone but if they aren't my cup of tea, or I ain't their cup of tea, then they go their way and I go mine. No use hating anyone or anything for that matter. It's all good!


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

JL...are you ever going to let me take you out for lunch? Or like...bowling or something? (haha...got you cornered now...yeah right) lmao





Oh don't freak out just because that is in a thread wherein I am man-sorting. LMAO...just thought of that. ound:


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

WhyNot, I believe in being upfront with who you are and where you are going. It does save time. Some men are NOT comfortable and never will be comfortable with our chosen life. Might as well cull them out early. I wish my X woulda' culled himself instead of lying about wanting the same things as I. He never did.

I don't do the online thing, I tried and it is not for me. One of my favorite places to meet men is near the checkstand of the hardware/sporting goods department. The cashier is a young friend of mine. I have chatted with some very nice men who were clearly interested until they hear certain words like, "Farm, firewood, livestock, 12 miles outta town." After that they say hi and hang their heads.

A townie will never be appropriate for me so I prefer having that out front. I dated a very nice townie attorney for awhile, but I'm not keen on wall to wall town. One date was a "drive through the country" and a picnic. He got rattled over the remoteness and needed to get back to town. No matter how nice, NOT for me. We were driving around my neighborhood.

I have no clue what the passions of townies could be.

Right now I have 3 young loggers slogging around my yard trying to get the excavator going and unstuck from the mud. These guys are passionate about what they do. From their point of view, I am far from remote. This is civilization, a convenient and safe equipment yard. The job was an easy-access logging showcase that led to many more contracts for the little start-up company.

Something I realized about myself is I love encouraging others to chase their passions and realize their dreams, even when it leads them out of my life.


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

heh, I really enjoy watching loggers do their thang. then I bring them beer. and say WOW that is sure a BIG LONG log ya got there!!!!


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

wyld thang said:


> heh, I really enjoy watching loggers do their thang. then I bring them beer. and say WOW that is sure a BIG LONG log ya got there!!!!


Yep,,,They're well known for their POOPING abilities


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

We know the between a peckerpole and ----------. We also know exactly who does what in the woods.

Unbelievable that logging terms are not allowed......


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## Groene Pionier (Apr 23, 2009)

I guess you could call me passionless too! If you would ask me the same question I would answer that bringing up my children and working towards a more independent lifestyle are my main priorities in life. But being passioned about it? Not really, just continuing life.
That's fine by me, perhaps we have a different definition what passion is about?


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

I read something this afternoon that sideswiped and derailed me and gave me lots to think about. It put to words my abstract thoughts I couldn't quite nail down.

The passionate man vs. the strong and steady man. Most men fall somewhere in between but are predominantly one or the other. Because the passionate man is more in touch with his feelings, he is also in touch with his dark feelings. The negative facet of his passion is his moodiness. Because he is in touch with his feelings, and is able to freely express them, he can be scarey. It takes a strong emotionally secure woman to ride through a relationship with him. She's gonna have to take care of herself emotionally when he cycles.

Look at the wreckage. These are the guys that create that intensity that make us think we're connected and have an instant relationship. As soon as he expresses his downside of passion, we're a wreck, he's gone and it's over! We can't weather the storms.

Mr. Strong and Steady and Safe won't give you that instant jolt. He's not neccessarily boring and he'll grow on you. The upside to him is he does not have those deep dark moods because he doesn't get the highs, either. He is dependable and predictable. You can rely on him to be there for you. 

I've been on a break from dating for a few months while I tried to figure out why the Guy Drama. I had the guys at the bar & grill laughing one night telling them after raising 3 teenage girls, I can state as a fact they ain't got nothing compared to Guy Drama! I am surrounded by passionate creative, driven men

To tie this in with my tagline, DD got a letter from her dad today. It is the evidence of mental and emotional illness I can compare to the full spectrum of passions expressed by the men around me. I can see the difference.

Those of us who were married to whack do need to step back once in awhile and rethink what we really want. Think about what works for us and what doesn't. Obviously if we're here, there's been a lot that didn't work. We love the intensity of the passionate man, but that dark moodiness and his doubts about us when he cycles down takes a lot that some of us don't have.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Groene Pionier said:


> I guess you could call me passionless too! If you would ask me the same question I would answer that bringing up my children and working towards a more independent lifestyle are my main priorities in life. But being passioned about it? Not really, just continuing life.
> That's fine by me, perhaps we have a different definition what passion is about?


I think we do Groene. As I had asked what your passion is/what you'd like to be doing in 2-5 years. In essence all I asked is what is it you may be striving for...you know as in....do you have a goal in the next 2-5 years. You have one.

And after reading Laura's last post....I don't call that passion. I call that high maintenance drama. I'm trying to avoid that.

Yeah I guess now that I think of it....I've heard men say "she has so much passion"...and what they really mean is the person is a goaless, uncontrolled dramatic moody mess....because that is the person that they indicated.

So perhaps I'm shooting myself in the foot asking the question in the first place.

See this sort of confusion is exactly why I was going to be a hermit before and I was really happy about it. Until I refell in love. Now I'm doomed into wanting a relationship again. :sob:

I consider myself a deep and passionate woman. I am not moody, uncautious, unpredictable and etc. I'm actually quite balanced. But now I do understand better a compliment I was given once. That was, "I love that you are so passionate about life but yet you are stable and consistent, I don't have to guess how you are going to react or be scared."

Figured he was pretty much telling me he was happy I am drama free....and he knew what world he was coming into every day. Guess I didn't realize that passion and crazy baby daddy drama swings shared a definition.


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## brewswain (Dec 31, 2006)

Having a passion in life is a terrible thing. It means I have never owned a TV and dont know who the current celebrities are. It means that I have focused my entire life on learning about one thing that most people say, "Oh thats nice." I did raise two sons by myself and I do have a wide spread of interests but many of my other interests tie in with my passion.


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## SilverFlame819 (Aug 24, 2010)

Laura, I think there's a BIG difference between a passionate person and someone who has serious, untreated bipolar disorder... which is basically what you just described. 

I like my men with a bit of darkness to their souls, and strong I am, but I'll pass on unstable and scary. Thanks, but no thanks!


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

I am a woman of many passions and goals too, I am not prone to mood swings. I can step back from the emo and analyze things rather accurately. Which is why I have stepped back for now. But we are passionate women which are far different than passionate men. We can't compare ourselves to the state of men.

Not all the passionate, creative men I know are Drama Kings. One who I consider a close friend is self aware of his mood cycles and he simply poofs so he doesn't hurt others. Not many women can handle a relationship with the man with a disappearing act. At least not until we know WHY. Most women blow themselves up long before they get to the WHY.

Sorry for regurgitating and vomiting on your thread. This topic is helping process how I wish to proceed with the men in my life. I love th raw power of creativity, the individualism, the energy, craftmanship, attention to details and goals these men have. I love these men. These men have known me long enough to know I am a safe person. They trust me because I don't blow myself up. They know I can handle my emotions so I can handle some of theirs, too.

But maybe I'd rather have a man who can be there for me and not be overwhelmed when I need a hug to let my eyes leak for a bit. 

Another thing that supresses passion in people in my age group is prescription meds. High blood pressure meds are notorious for making people flat. We are in a Better Living Through Chemistry culture. How many people lose their passion because the doc and TV tells them a mood stabilizer, or this pill, that pill are the answers to their issues.


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

amen sista!


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

SilverFlame819 said:


> Laura, I think there's a BIG difference between a passionate person and someone who has serious, untreated bipolar disorder... which is basically what you just described.
> 
> I like my men with a bit of darkness to their souls, and strong I am, but I'll pass on unstable and scary. Thanks, but no thanks!


See, this is why men don't like to expose their passions until there is some trust. Unqualified diagnosis based of the feelings of women, not scientific data, telling them something is WRONG with them is a serious problem. The fact is all men cycle just as women do, only in a much longer cycle. I knew this from living in all male environments of snow camps and logging camps. I remember offering them Midol. Men being men.

The passionate man is emotionally "scarey" to women when he's expressing his doubts and fears with the same passion he puts into his creativity. 

Yeah, we love his positive creative masculine passionate energy. That intensity it creates is what has women swooning about chemistry, connection and soulmate crap. This is the stuff some women believe to be "in love." Yet they also say they want strong, steady, safe, stable in a relationship. You rarely find both qualities in the same man. Women blow themselves up, get dashed to pieces on the jagged rocks just as quickly as they connected with him.

We need to choose one set of qualities or the other and we need to make the choice based on our own emotional strengths and vulnerabilities. 

This is reminding me of one of my favorite books, the Biography of Michaelangelo.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

You know. I take things as they are. I do not have a lot of real life opportunity to meet men or any new people. I've met a few since I have been here by happenstance.

So I have...or had...gone to the internet dating thing to see what is around here. I have done this before with mixed results but obviously not stupendous results or I wouldn't be here. So I figured online stuff here in this place would be fair to middlin what it was up north.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Yeah well people are people...but there comes a time when people stretch the truth a little bit too far. The following statement is that of a man that said his income was 125 to 175 THOUSAND and that he had a MASTERS degree......

"looking for an hounest and affectionet woman,i like movies,going to new places , trying new foods,iam an hounest person looking for the same in a woman."

ound:


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Oh please, please, please tell him you can't wait to read his thesis! Go all Big Word on him! YOu can play a wonderful online game of BS with this guy!


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## SilverFlame819 (Aug 24, 2010)

Laura said:


> See, this is why men don't like to expose their passions until there is some trust. Unqualified diagnosis based of the feelings of women, not scientific data, telling them something is WRONG with them is a serious problem.


I didn't diagnose anyone except for the imaginary example dude in your post, and he sounds like a total nutjob. I've got a lot of friends with a lot of mental issues, and what you described doesn't sound normal to me. If someone just needs some downtime, that's fine. I tend to like my solitude. The longer I'm single, the more I like my silence. But I don't go from "YAY, OMG!" to "leave me the eff alone" like a metronome. People's energy does tend to sap me, so I can definitely empathize with a man who needs his quiet and alone time. That doesn't bother me, and I don't panic over it. I think the way in which personal time is requested tends to make a difference for a lot of people. If you go from being with someone 24/7 to disappearing off the face of the earth, she's going to be concerned. A simple, "I need some time to myself" would suffice to reassure her. (And if not... Maybe he just needs a different kind of someone...)


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

Honestly, i would never tell someone about my passions or goals through email or private message etc...

These things are mine and real to me. Not something i say to impress others or wear as a flag.

Intrests are different. I will talk till your ear falls off about what i enjoy doing.

Personaly, i would be cautious of anyone who wanted that from me so soon.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

> Because the passionate man is more in touch with his feelings, he is also in touch with his dark feelings. The negative facet of his passion is his moodiness. Because he is in touch with his feelings, and is able to freely express them, he can be scarey. It takes a strong emotionally secure woman to ride through a relationship with him. She's gonna have to take care of herself emotionally when he cycles.


That isn't one particular man. It's the traits posessed by men qualified as "Passionate." They are not mentally ill in need of medication. 

Through the course of my week I'm around at least 6 different Passionate Men. These are strong, successful, smart, driven, energetic, independent, creative men who are NOT afraid to express how they FEEL. 

What I find amazing is the double standard beliefs we women have about feelings. Ours are okay to express anytime, anyplace. He needs to keep his stuffed so he doesn't trigger our fears.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

You all are losing me in my own thread. haha I'm pretty sure that now we are not talking about the same things at all. I'm confused.


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

Not to be argumentive, but i think its a mistake to classify any human in narrow groups.

Simple questions and answers from anything less then time spent face to face, is a poor way to judge someone.


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## Guest (Dec 30, 2012)

http://www.datehookup.com/User-256682439.htm


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

haha He changed his profile...maybe he should correct his spelling now that he apparently corrected his education and income.


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## Guest (Dec 30, 2012)

Yeah, he decided that "hounesty is the best poulicy" I think. I thought it was hysterical that he'd updated his profile and is apparently satisfied with it. Even his new income is one heck of a retirement check.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Sorry for drifting things down the rabbit trail through the briar patch.

I think one of the issues is men have a harder time accessing and articulating "feelings." A direct question about their passion is going to shut them down into default mode. Also where they see themselves in 2-5 years is stretching them when they aren't really thinking past changing the oil in their pick up.

These are job interview questions with right and wrong answers for The Job... "My passion is a job well done." "I see myself in 5 years doing your job with you as my supervisor father up the ladder." 

Can you see why men may have difficulty with these questions? They do not want stress in a relationship and won't want to start with Job Interview pressure.

Perhaps a better question, can you make me laugh?

A man will reveal his passions as he learns to trust you.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Laura said:


> Sorry for drifting things down the rabbit trail through the briar patch.


Hey no biggie...and since we are here...I do now have some thoughts. Just opinions about what you have said here. 



Laura said:


> I think one of the issues is men have a harder time accessing and articulating "feelings."


Sorry, I cannot buy this. I do buy that men experience emotions differently than women...but I do not think that they, inherently, have a harder time expressing them. I have seen an awful lot of women throw around their version of articulation of their feelings and it wasn't their feelings at all that they were articulating...it was just crud.

People, in general, a lot of the time think they feel one thing or another and base things in their life off of them or their life on them...and then find out later that it wasn't what they were feeling at all but the general idea of what they thought they wanted.

People, in general, seem to not take time to process much of anything, including feelings...both men and women. I do not buy that expression of feelings is genderbased...I can buy that it is individual human based though.




Laura said:


> A direct question about their passion is going to shut them down into default mode. Also where they see themselves in 2-5 years is stretching them when they aren't really thinking past changing the oil in their pick up.


Okay so we have seen from this thread that some men do that...some men also do NOT shut down...some women DO shut down when asked and some DON'T....again...individual, not necessarily gender specific.



Laura said:


> Can you see why men may have difficulty with these questions? They do not want stress in a relationship and won't want to start with Job Interview pressure.


I can see why PEOPLE in general could have difficulty with these types of questions...yes..but I'm not sure about it being just about "pressure to perform"....seems to me some of it may be about trust issues or insecurity issues...shyness...who knows.

Point is...for me and possibly me only...I would not change this question. WHY? Because I really wasn't just taking a poll. It's because I am looking to talk to the men who do NOT have an issue answering the question in casual conversation. Who do NOT have hang ups with putting themselves at least a little out there.

For crying out loud it's not like I asked them what position they like and how many kids they want to have and can we get started right away. I also am not complaining about how they answer really...just that I thought it was really sad for so many people to say to me that they have no goals in their future. Not even to get a raise at work or maybe clean their carpeting on saturday. Easily people can and have said...oh I am not sure about PASSION per se but I really enjoy working on my bike.

See.? It's really not all that difficult. Only as difficult as the person makes it. I try not to have any difficulty in my life. If one question shuts them down...better to find out right away. I'm not a therapist.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

And honestly...lol I didn't really start this thread to get advice...but it's okay that it is out there.

Also...as of last night...It has been requested of me to not continue to actively look for someone else.  

:nanner: HAPPY NEW YEAR! WOOT!!


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

Oh yeah?


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

glazed said:


> Oh yeah?


 
hee hee yeah....yes it's the pizza man...I know that is your next question.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:donut:

It wasn't my next question... I knew.

But the clarification still made me smile.

:donut:


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## SilverFlame819 (Aug 24, 2010)

Bah. This thread is starting to make my brain hurt.

I know lots of passionate people, and none of them are scary. "Scary" isn't normal in my world. 

I just don't seem to be fitting people into the same stereotype that you are, I guess. I think every person is different. I know lots of men who can say what they feel and express emotion, and they just DON'T turn scary when their energy is worn down, or when they're feeling low. Perhaps you meant not that the men themselves are scary, but it's scary for women to have to deal with a man who goes from devoted to silent because she's insecure about what she means to him, or he hasn't expressed to her that he needs some downtime.

I also don't have any kind of double standard (again, that's kind of pigeon-holing women into one mold as well)... I am not a person who likes to cry in front of others or show vulnerability. Women who cry at the drop of a hat and turn all dramatic drive me crazy. Which is why I have more male friends than female... But I ALSO am attracted to men who DO show their feelings, and aren't afraid to cry, or express themselves. Perhaps I'm attracted to that because I'm not that. (Opposites attract?) I don't expect to have touchy-feeling conversations with my male friends, but we do have good, old-fashioned heart-to-hearts about all kinds of things. We are free to be open with each other.

I like my men with depth. But I like EVERYONE with depth. Shallow, boring people just aren't my cup of tea. Male or female. I enjoy individuality.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Sorry for taking it deeper and more sideways than intended. No, not everyone has passions, not every man has passion. I think maybe perhaps the context the question was asked was too big for some men to figure out what you wanted to hear.

Way cool with the pizza guy!

"Scarey" is subjective. Being around these passionate men when they're expressing their darker emotions is not for the faint of heart or the insecure. They do not scare me, but I watch them cause meltdowns in other people, especially the fear it creates in some women. Because I'm one of the few still standing after these passionate outbursts, and can still talk rationally, they consider me a safe person. They listen to what I have to say. I can handle my emotions and theirs too. My question for myself is, do I want to?


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## Frenchy (Sep 28, 2005)

wyld thang said:


> heh, I really enjoy watching loggers do their thang. then I bring them beer. and say WOW that is sure a BIG LONG log ya got there!!!!


_WT it isn't the comment you make about how long or big the log is.......... it is the fact you reach down an pat it as you say the comment that gets their attention honey .........hahahahahaha

sorry if ya take this the wrong way just struck me as funny an could see ya do it just for the laugh_


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

*sigh*

I'm offended now.

*sigh*


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

Frenchy said:


> _WT it isn't the comment you make about how long or big the log is.......... it is the fact you reach down an pat it as you say the comment that gets their attention honey .........hahahahahaha_
> 
> _sorry if ya take this the wrong way just struck me as funny an could see ya do it just for the laugh_


I take it all the way....back atcha Frenchy!!!


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

...

Real offended.

...


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## Frenchy (Sep 28, 2005)

_don't worry Glazed we will let ya play with us if ya want .......no need to be offended.........:spinsmiley:_


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

FarmboyBill said:


> ...
> I agree with HATING to mow lawns. ID MUCH rather hoe an area with veggies in it, than mow it all with grass in it. Seems a waste of time, and it has to be done several times with no more reward at the last time, than at the first.


Gee, that's the way I feel about cooking!

Mon


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

YEAH, And why aint this post been pulled Nehi/vic lol. Tell me the fix aint in lol


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## SilverFlame819 (Aug 24, 2010)

For me, Laura, there's a definite line in the sand. I can handle passionate, even if that means meltdowns or silence. But I am to the point where I will not tolerate people who become vampires, or negative force fields. I also am really, REALLY sick of playing mommy to adult men, so I've kicked everyone who needs a mommy to the curb. If he can feel his feels and be an adult about it - walk away, request some time off, etc, then we can deal. But if I become the focus of the meltdown, or the one his anger is directed at just because he takes me for granted and needs a focus, I am NOT game. I've played that role before. I stick by your side because I'm loyal - if you use that against me, you're breaking my trust, and you will no longer have my loyalty.

I like my men to have some depth (maybe even considered a touch of "darkness" by some), but I don't do scary or abusive. I can handle emotional and passionate and intense, but if he triggers the prickly-skinned fear response, I'm out. While I like passionate and expressive, I also like a man who can handle his own, uh... stuff.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

I am not talking about mean, nasty, whack, mentally ill, abusive people. These emo-expressive men don't neccessarily cross the line into abuse. Passionate men create a level of intensity in those around them. People love it when it's the positive creative energy. But for every positive there is a negative and the passionate men express this just as freely. It is also intense.

Most men have friends like this, they get it. They stand back and let it flow until he's done then get on with it. Women hve a much harder time coping with passionate negative expressions from men, even when it's not directed at them. It's too intense.

My point is if a woman chooses relationships with passionate men, she needs to be emotionally strong enough to take care of herself, not blow herself up over stuff that's not directed at her or take any of it personally.


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

So laura, you think its not possible for men to have a balance? I have to admit, and i truly do not mean offense to you, but i find this a little insulting. Maybe the truth hurts, i dont know?

I wonder how you classify women?

As i said before, i truly dont think humans can be put in boxes.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

mickm said:


> So laura, you think its not possible for men to have a balance? I have to admit, and i truly do not mean offense to you, but i find this a little insulting. Maybe the truth hurts, i dont know?
> 
> I wonder how you classify women?
> 
> As i said before, i truly dont think humans can be put in boxes.


 I didn't say these passionate men are not balanced, because I know they are. Human traits come in sets and are not stand-alone, and are along the sliding scale

The issue is women are attracted like moths to the flame by the intensity these passionate men create in their positive energy, but few are strong enough to ride through when that intensity is on the flip-side without blowing themselves up. Men get hurt too, when by just being themselves the woman who passionately "loved" them can't handle that side of him.

Then they use derogatory descriptives on the man. Bi-polar, abusive, vampire ect. are NOT words used by me in this thread to describe passionate men.

Women SAY they want strong, steady, yaddayaddayadda, and he would be emotionally safer for them. When they meet these wonderful men, "There's no Chemistry, I NEED the Intensity! " He's "Boring." (These are the statements I hear from other women)

The biography of Michaelangelo is called, The Agony and the Ecstasy.
We want the Ecstasy, but is it worth the Agony parts? From what I see of other women, and perhaps myself, the answer is, "No." 

I think we women need to practice some self-awareness and explore what we really want, what's most important in a relationship. Not only save ourselves from the unwanted agony, but leave these guys for the women who can handle them. The passionate man gets hurt too and he feels it deeply.

So I am around these extrordinary passionate men and they are awesome. We talk, they talk about "feelings." They are very intuitive. When they get expressing themselves toward the negative it's with the same passions. I'm with the guys,most of us stand back grinning and let him rip knowing it's nothing personal. Most of the women get rattled to the core and are overtaken by fear.

I like both kinds of men and all the ones in between. I don't trust "intensity" or "chemistry" to base a relationship on. 

I do not like crazy, mean, abusive, controlling men. My experience is these kind usually disguise themselves as "Safe and Boring."


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

Ha! Completrly misunderstood ya!

Its kinda the women like jerks, and are bored by nice guys, while saying the opposite is true.

Not sure i 100% agree with ya, but i certainly see what ya mean.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

I do not think I have ever not gotten with, stopped dating or broke up with anyone because they were too "plain or boring"....usually it was because things were too dramatic...such as the lieing, cheating, false accusations, jumping to conclusions, violent, insecure/jealousy stuff.

That is the sort of freewheeling "passion" or "expressions of intense feelings" and out of the park unnecessary mood swings that just are way too much for me.

Don't mind intense...but it's gotta be about the right things or I'm out.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

WhyNot said:


> I do not think I have ever not gotten with, stopped dating or broke up with anyone because they were too "plain or boring"....usually it was because things were too dramatic...such as the lieing, cheating, false accusations, jumping to conclusions, violent, insecure/jealousy stuff.
> 
> That is the sort of freewheeling "passion" or "expressions of intense feelings" and out of the park unnecessary mood swings that just are way too much for me.
> 
> Don't mind intense...but it's gotta be about the right things or I'm out.


 Ahhahaha, read my tagline again! Plain and boring doesn't mean sane, either.

I think I've always preferred the quiet, plain guys, the ones that grow on you until one day you realize how much you love them. For some reason these men are not presenting themselves to me right now.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Well. Like I said before...most of the stuff you have been bringing up about what women supposedly "see" that scares them about men who have passion...I don't consider, necessarily, what you are describing as passion. Maybe a type of passion but certainly not what I had tried to bring up here.

Your tagline pretty much sums up what Angela was trying to say. I don't assume things about people, I just go with what I am told and what I observe. If the guy is so sensitive that he cannot tell me what hobbies he has that excite him or if he has any goals in his life....then...regardless of mental illness, unyielding emotional states or whatever....I would chose at that point that if someone doesn't have any drive or goals and no interests that we are not going to do well in a friendship.

And I am not sure what it is about me saying things like that that seems to bother you so much.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

> And I am not sure what it is about me saying things like that that seems to bother you so much


No, it's not you bothering me, I have my own bug about it. I don't equate passionate men as liars, cheaters, abusers and crazy whackjobs. Those men get their own category and it includes men with all personality types. None of us want them but it seems we all got sucked in at one time or another.

I wish most guys were as up front with information as you and I, but they aren't. They reveal themselves slowly.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

I see. Well it seemed like you were trying to tell me I didn't give these guys the correct amount of time for a chance....as if I am just supposed to suse it out of them gently and soothingly.

That would probably fine if I take that approach and I am sure over time I would eventually either figure out we really aren't compatible or perhaps figure out he actually does have goals when he feels secure enough eventually in a few years to reveal his secret knitting skills or whatever.

My main point in asking the question wasn't just to find out if they had goals...but I really don't want to try to be with someone who has none...OR...is the type of person that is that apprehensive in the first place.

This question also reveals drama kings I found out....the other day. I asked the very same question to this guy and he went on LITERALLY for hours, not letting me speak basically....about .... the LDS church and jesus. He is passionate about it for sure. Nothing wrong with that. He may even not be crazy. BUT...not the person for me.

It's about jiving I guess....had my fill of erratic behavior in my life whether it was in the form of men or women. Funnily enough it is difficult to locate even and balanced people especially when you add in the other things that would best or better compliment my own personality, behaviors, passions, etc....it really boils down to a more and more specifc person/personality/etc.


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

I think that some guys can be both passionate as well as plain and boring, all in the same person. I have a cousin, for instance ~ talking about politics or football or anything that alot of people (at least in my friends set) are interested in and he has no opinion, no interests... he's quiet for the most part and just goes on about his business. But, ask him how his onions or tomatoes are doing, and he'll gladly rattle on for quite awhile. I don't think he'd even see it as his passion, just something that interests him very much... but like some of the other guys that were talked about, if you pushed him on the subject of passions, he'd have a hard time naming one.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

> It's about jiving I guess....had my fill of erratic behavior in my life whether it was in the form of men or women. Funnily enough it is difficult to locate even and balanced people especially when you add in the other things that would best or better compliment my own personality, behaviors, passions, etc....it really boils down to a more and more specifc person/personality/etc.


Exactly! I would rather be alone than with people or a person that is stress inducing. As odball as I am, it's difficult to find someone with the same lifestyle choices, common interests as well as compatible temperaments, and have they feel the same way about me. 

I think the online dating format has turned dating from simply having fun while getting to know someone into something similar to job interviews with the pressure to perform. I don't remember dating being that way before. It sounds like you hit on the right formula to ferret out ones with emotional diarreah, though. I don't think I could take an hour of hard sell LDS. I don't really care what a man does, as long as he loves what he's doing and he's happy with it. That one would have me politely chewing my arm off to escape. I can better spend that hour observing a bunch of men being themselves in their natural habitat.


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## SilverFlame819 (Aug 24, 2010)

Every time I see mention of a man with secret knitting skills, my interest levels perk up a bit.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Warwalk said:


> I think that some guys can be both passionate as well as plain and boring, all in the same person. I have a cousin, for instance ~ talking about politics or football or anything that alot of people (at least in my friends set) are interested in and he has no opinion, no interests... he's quiet for the most part and just goes on about his business. But, ask him how his onions or tomatoes are doing, and he'll gladly rattle on for quite awhile. I don't think he'd even see it as his passion, just something that interests him very much... but like some of the other guys that were talked about, if you pushed him on the subject of passions, he'd have a hard time naming one.


 
Like beauty and everything else, "boring" is in the eye of the beholder. And you are right, some people don't equate passion with an inspiring interest. So if I were talking to the person you mentioned asked the passion question maybe he would say he doesn't have any but I would bet my response(s) after would suse out that he actually had a hobby or two.

That is where I am "difficult" I guess. I don't understand the word hobby. I know what it means, but my interests seem much deeper than hobbies so I don't call them hobbies. But I answer the hobby question anyway.

I also realize not everyone thinks things into tiny differences like I do...so I try (try) to give everyone the benefit of the doubt both in their understanding of what I am trying to say/ask and my ability to say/ask it in a way that someone else would understand it. Which has nothing to do with anyone's intelligence...but how they think. Fully aware that I think or come to things in ways other people may not.

Angela....I actually know several men that knit lol. I even know a Marine that is 6'7" that does. He uses needles even and doesn't cheat like I do on the looms. He also gardens, can fix just about anything, has a passion for restoring old bicycles and I have never seen an instrument that he cannot play....whether or not he has even seen it before. He's a really awesome person.


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

@Whynot ~ I understand what you mean about Hobbies. Take my dad for instance... he was a huge huge "hobby" person. He'd get into something, go gangbusters on it, and then lost interest and put whatever it was in the basement (and man, he had alot of em'!): Guitar, stained glass, beekeeping, yoghurt making, beer making, breadmaking, pigeons, pottery, etc...

Myself, by comparison, I'm not really a hobby person. I like going places, taking pictures at the park, walking daily, all manner of sports... but they're not so much hobbies. I like to read, but it's not really a tinkering hobby. Strangely enough, I definitely look forward to having a garden one day, and I do bake bread and cook... but they're more like the "passion" you mentioned initially. I agree with you tho ~ people should be passionate about something. I suppose, if I had one, it'd be Hawaii (tho' that's more of an obsession than a passion, lol!). My dream would be to have a homestead out there, and I'd nearly pulled it off two years back. Still, I'm positive that in the future I'll be able to make it happen =)


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

My long term goal is to find a lady who thinks i am pretty cool, and who i think is pretty cool. I know that i may be naieve, but i truly believe the rest will take care of it's self.

Five year plans havent worked well for me, sometimes i dont have a 5 minute plan.

So like the one guy in your example, i am passionate about raising my child, and being a good dad. Do i have dreams and "passions" ? Absolutely, but everything else is secondary to doing the best job i can, as a dad.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

mickm said:


> My long term goal is to find a lady who thinks i am pretty cool, and who i think is pretty cool. I know that i may be naieve, but i truly believe the rest will take care of it's self.
> 
> Five year plans havent worked well for me, sometimes i dont have a 5 minute plan.
> 
> So like the one guy in your example, i am passionate about raising my child, and being a good dad. Do i have dreams and "passions" ? Absolutely, but everything else is secondary to doing the best job i can, as a dad.


Well and like I said...it was the first guy in my example...who pretty much said what you said just now that actually kept conversing with me. I did find out that he did ultimately want to live self sufficiently and he even was interested in the same area that I am interested in. So we had some great conversations. Found out that even though he doesn't consider it a passion he does have a drive to do water systems and gardening and preserving....which he does right here in the city. We had a lot in common actually.

Course this all ended the other day when he asked what chickens I had so I answered him and sent him some pictures of my sumatras and jersey giants. I also included in that that I also wanted to raise javas and the reasoning I am raising all of these even though they aren't recommended egg layers or meat birds is because they either are endgangered or close to it and I would like to have a hand in preserving some breeds.

Would you like to know the response I recieved? He said, "OH, I didn't know you were into chicken fighting"....and then presumes to block any messages I send.

So there ya go. Seemed like a sane, balanced person....for a minute.

:shrug: This is why I very much dislike even talking to people most of the time if it matters to me. It's much easier for me to interact when I don't have an investment.

Luckily I have been saved from that....and am very happy I have been saved as well....really wasn't looking forward to having to find another compatible person. Forget about the romantic part of it...just finding people that I actually get along with, that are drama free and not weird is a chore.


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

On that, we completely agree!


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## moonwolf (Sep 20, 2004)

WhyNot said:


> "So what is your passion? The thing you would most like to be doing in 2-5 years...or are you a person that doesn't really plan like that? Or are you already doing it?"


One might distinguish between what is 'passion' for doing something, and what one would 'most like doing' in future. 
My feeling is that too many people 'plan' so much and become frustrated or discouraged when 'the plan' does not meet their expectations. 
Basically, I pretty much already do what I want or 'wanted' to do, and play some 'expectations' by ear without 'passionate planning'. 

If you know yourself enough to know the basics of what you want in a most basic way, then you are probably going to be on the right path and not be 'sad' about it. As for being 'sad' for someone else not meeting their 'passion'. Well, I just say that isn't much I can do about for them anyway.


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## SilverFlame819 (Aug 24, 2010)

I have hobbies I'm really into, like crocheting... and then I have PASSIONS, like animals, reading, music, and nature. Whole different ballgame there.

Maybe some of us are just better at classifying things and feels?


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

SilverFlame819 said:


> Maybe some of us are just better at classifying things and feels?


Don't know if any one is better than another. Everyone is just different, thinks different, or doesn't or doesn't find the same things as interesting to think about and/or do. 

Still I struggle for anything I do that I would call a hobby. Perhaps people watching could be my hobby...I end up doing it either via online or in person...and wonder about people....but really could give two toots less if I ever engage in in purposefully.

Maybe part of my struggle at relating is simply because I surround myself with the things I very much enjoy doing, get into and are...passionate about and simply do not do many things that are not that important.

Maybe it's like my work. I do well in it, I am very involved and detail oriented with it, I am passionate about the work I do, what I design, what I implement....but the industry in general...not very passionate about...can take or leave it...and tried to leave it LOL but it sucked me back in.

Which obviously says that although I am working on fulfilling my dreams about what I AM passionate about...passion only takes you so far....and then you have to figure out the rest of the details. Like money and everything. Although if I WEREN'T passionate about them...I would have given up long ago on ahieving them...if it were just a simple hobby....I would have a very different life.


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