# Things have gone from bad to worse



## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

Didn't think things could get any worse here, but they did today. Wasn't unexpected...at least not for me. 

Please keep us all in your thoughts and prayers.


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## Marsha (May 11, 2002)

Praying for you!! (((BIG HUGS)))


Marsha


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## Jan in CO (May 10, 2002)

We're still keeping you all and the new baby in our prayers. Update us when you can, and do what you can. Since gd is bi-polar, I just dread what could happen! Good luck and chin up!


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## Alice In TX/MO (May 10, 2002)

BIG prayers.


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## pheasantplucker (Feb 20, 2007)

prayers to all. God bless!


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## unregistered65598 (Oct 4, 2010)

Prayers and hugs!


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

((((hugs)))) and prayers!


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Is the baby all right????????


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## jamala (May 4, 2007)

Praying


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

Yes, the baby is fine and in my care.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Praying for the best of outcomes.


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## Minelson (Oct 16, 2007)

Prayers for you Ravenlost...and big hugs!!


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Ravenlost said:


> Yes, the baby is fine and in my care.


Praise God!


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## farmergirl (Aug 2, 2005)

BIG hugs to you! Thank you for always standing up for those who can not fight for themselves. You are a hero in my eyes.


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## chickenmommy (Aug 24, 2004)

Thank heaven you are there............
Take care of yourself, too. So you can care for them.


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## NickieL (Jun 15, 2007)

I was thinking about you yesterday and wondering how you were doing. Was hoping for some good news. You are in my thoughts, you and your family and especially that baby.


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## AngieM2 (May 10, 2002)

Ravenlost - sorry that things are going from bad to worse, but so very glad that you granddaughter has you to watch over her and be the guardian angel she needs.

Prayers for all involved to get through this difficult time in the best way for all.


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## bugstabber (May 12, 2002)

Prayers sent.


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## Molly Mckee (Jul 8, 2006)

Prayers for all of you. I'm you are there for the baby, hope things improve.


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## jlrbhjmnc (May 2, 2010)

Praying!


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## EDDIE BUCK (Jul 17, 2005)

Prayers for you folks.


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

Thank you everyone. I am just hoping I can get through this without having a heart attack or nervous breakdown.


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## Catalpa (Dec 18, 2011)

Hugs and prayers!


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## DaniR1968 (May 24, 2008)

Prayers being said and hugs being sent.


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## Zipporah (Jul 30, 2006)

Prayers


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## jamala (May 4, 2007)

You can do it! We are all here praying for you! Just take it one breath at a time and remember we are here for you!


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## mare (Aug 31, 2006)

i am keeping you all in my thoughts and whatever is happening i hope it resolves itself soon


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## ann in tn (Nov 25, 2007)

I will be.praying for all of.you.

Sent from my SCH-I405 using Tapatalk


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## wanda1950 (Jan 18, 2009)

Hang in there! The little one needs you. Praying for you.


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## siberian (Aug 23, 2011)

done and doing.


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## daretodream (Nov 12, 2007)

praying!


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## Sonshine (Jul 27, 2007)

Am praying for you and if you need to talk you are welcome to PM me anytime.


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

Thanks Sonshine and everyone else.


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## Big Dave (Feb 5, 2006)

I have not kept up with what is happening with you but if it has to do with Bi Polar I can relate. You have a tough row to hoe. Sometimes they will snap to if given a b vitamin shot. My DD did. Prayer for your wisdom and disernment in this matter being sent up.


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## Just Little Me (Aug 9, 2007)

Thoughts and prayers, if I can help in any way let me know.


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## good2beus (Mar 8, 2008)

Praying for you and your family. Sorry you all have to go through these hard times. Thank goodness you are there for the baby.


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## Chixarecute (Nov 19, 2004)

Prayers and hugs!


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## farmhome5 (Dec 20, 2005)

Praying hard!


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## Texasdirtdigger (Jan 17, 2010)

Praying hard !!


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## mrswright (Jan 10, 2009)

Thinking of you and praying for all involved.


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## CountryWannabe (May 31, 2004)

Praying for you and your family. Please take a little time for yourself, as well. (HUGS)

Mary


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## Chief Cook (Apr 24, 2011)

Ravenlost, so very sorry that things are going so hard for you and yours. I will keep all of you in my thoughts and in my prayers. Remember hard times pass, and the sun will shine again! Blessings!


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## Suzyq2u (May 17, 2010)

Oh Ravenlost, I'm sorry. I've been thinking about, you, the kids and Coraline.
Hang in there!


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## Ohio dreamer (Apr 6, 2006)

HUGS and prayers. You will make it through this, snuggle that baby and inhale that sweet baby smell when you need a bit a courage.


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## mamita (May 19, 2008)

more prayers and HUGS Raven. HUGE ((HUGS))


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## jamala (May 4, 2007)

Woke up with storms through here last night and didn't have power from 1 am to around 6:30 this morning. I thought about you rocking that sweet baby and how precious she is, lifting you in prayer! ((((hugs)))) to you!


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

Thank you all so much. 

Yesterday the parents got a call to come down to the Child Advocacy Center to discuss the charge brought against DIL at the hospital (Chemical Endangerment of a Child...she and baby tested positive for marijuana at birth). When we got there she was handcuffed and taken to jail. 

They didn't care that she was nursing and at jail they took her bra away from her and wouldn't even bring her napkins so she sat there soaked in breast milk and freezing...not to mention very upset at being taken away from the baby.

We were able to bond her out just after midnight. She was in a lot of pain (engorged) and I can't imagine how bad it would have been if we'd had to wait until today to get her out.

HOWEVER, all of this could have been avoided if she'd turned herself in immediately after being released from the hospital. I kept telling them, but they insisted they didn't have to do it right away.

SIGH...I am very tired, very frustrated and very angry.


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## AngieM2 (May 10, 2002)

I'm so sorry to hear that. Are you still the guardian of the baby? 
And it's really bad that she could not have had a little something done for her at jail while waiting, but others before her, must have caused those rules to be effected.

I hope things get much better soon.


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## jamala (May 4, 2007)

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. You are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Tracy Rimmer (May 9, 2002)

I have worked in a drug treatment facility. I have seen the effects of drug use during pregnancy on children, and it is not pretty. 

I will be praying for your granddaughter that the effects of her mother's drug use do not give her lifelong challenges, and for you to have the patience and strength needed to deal with the situation as it is now.


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## Immaculate Sublimity (Apr 30, 2003)

I'm with Tracy on this one. I will continue to pray for the baby and you Ravenlost. Admittedly I cant help but wonder if immediate bail is truly helping your DIL - despite the discomfort she encountered. Surely she knew what she was doing by doing drugs while pregnant. As I recall, you questioned their ability to parent when she became pregnant. I think this answers your question. Perhaps some thinking should be done as to who will care for the child - long term - in the parents stead.


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## NickieL (Jun 15, 2007)

I am sorry for what you and the baby are going through. I see a lot of drug babies here at the hospital and it is not an easy start for them. jail is not supposed to be pleasent...it is why it's a punishment. can't really feel sorry for an adult who knew better....But I do feel for you and the baby.


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

DIL actually discussed using marijuana with her OB/GYN. She is allergic to phenergen (sp?) and the doctor was hesitant to prescribe the other anti nausea med because it is highly addictive and can have serious side effects. So she smoked pot when she was sick...or so they told me! Who knows?

I don't believe the baby will have any long term problems. She was five weeks premature, but her Apgar score was 9. She's doing great. 

Yes, I am still the legal guardian until the parents prove they are fit...which they are NOT doing. They lay in bed all day, get up in the late afternoon and go to the coffee shop, eat junk food and have not lifted a finger to clean their house, etc. I have contacted the caseworker about this and am hoping that things will start moving. 

I honestly want the parents to shape up because I know they love their baby. However, I also honestly don't think it is going to happen and that makes me sick at heart. If they lose the baby and I am awarded full permanent custody hubby says the parents will never be allowed to see her and they will be "divorced" from our family.

Please keep praying and sending good vibes that they will step up and do what they need to do.

:hair


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## jen74145 (Oct 31, 2006)

Oh dear. 

I am so sorry. Poor sweet baby.

You, for your stress, try rescue remedy. It really will help you. 

If I were still in MS, I'd drive over and clean for them. Probably a finger in the dam but..


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## AngieM2 (May 10, 2002)

Ravenlost - what appears to be happening and you becoming permanant guardian is what I have thought would probably happen in the back of my mind.

And as to what your hubby says about divorcing them, etc. What's to keep them from having another baby and no one being around to save it. You know, just so they can have a baby of their own.

If it comes to baby going home with you, visiting and a few photos might be a good idea as it gives them the ideal of being a "parent", but not the work of being a parent and might just satisfy their need without another baby needing to be rescued in the not to distant future.

back to add: hopefully that little bit of visiting and photos would gradually stretch out due to their lack of interest and it would not hurt all (especially baby and possible future baby) so much.


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## jlrbhjmnc (May 2, 2010)

Still praying!


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## sewsilly (May 16, 2004)

Praying for you all, honey. Continually.


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## DW (May 10, 2002)

(((hugs)))


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## wanda1950 (Jan 18, 2009)

I am so sorry. Dealing with mental health problems can be overwhelming to everyone involved. I know of a family that now has three children. Both parents have severe problems & the kids have been back & forth with their grandparents. They are now with parents but the parents still get drunk with the grocery money, etc. 

I hope for the little one's sake that you get custody & permanent custody. The odds of recovery for the parents are not good. Praying for you.


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## KatW (Jul 26, 2002)

On several parenting boards I've frequented mom's talk about using marijuana for nausea during pregnancy, so that is not an uncommon thing. I'm pretty sure that it would do less damage to a fetus than the Mom's meds for her bi-polar condition (if she is/was taking any). Alcohol and cigarettes have a much more negative impact on a babies development (and I don't believe you get put in prison for using either of those during pregnancy).

I'm so sorry that you're going through this but so happy for your granddaughter that she has you to stand up for her.


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## Ruby (May 10, 2002)

I am so sorry for your troubles. It is so not fair to you or the baby for your DH to say that. After all your son is still your son and you love him even though right now you could wring his neck.

Your husband sounds so much like my husband. We had some problems with my oldest daughter a few years ago. She had gotten into drugs and wound up spending 11 months in a state jail. The judge gave her a choice of rehab or jail. She chose jail. She said she knew rehab would do no good. She came out sober and has been now 5 years. We praise God every day she has turned her life around. My husband was so angry with her he wouldn't even speak to her when she came over. One year we were at my son's for Christmas and she came in, walked over to DH and hugged him. That's all it took. Now they are good with each other again.

Your just going to have to turn that part over to God and let him handle it, but you are going to have to be there for that precious baby.


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## longshadowfarms (Nov 27, 2002)

I'm so sorry, Ravenlost! Praying for the entire situation!


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## unregistered65598 (Oct 4, 2010)

:grouphug: :grouphug:


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## demeter (Jul 15, 2010)

Yikes! I'm so sorry, Ravenlost. I'm glad the baby is safe and secure with you. I hope things work out all the way around.

Demeter


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## wottahuzzee (Jul 7, 2006)

Ravenlost, I am sorry for all that you are going though with your precious granddaughter. A little bit of advice for you that might sound drastic, but you should go ahead and do whatever you can to obtain permanent or long-term custody of your grandchild. In the long run it will be much easier because this is a child you may very well end up raising and if you take her in when she is older, there may be a lot of psychological damage done. I know it sounds harsh but from what you describe it may well be a while before the parents change their lifestyle if at all. 

I send you my best wishes for your little granddaughter. She is truly a treasure.


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## NickieL (Jun 15, 2007)

Yes Ravenlost, feel free to come vent here when ever you need it. This could go two ways, your son and DIL will come to thier sences and start getting thier act together or you will end up raising that baby. I hope you guys find a healthy solution to keep the family together but if you get custody now, it will be easier to keep things in control if you know what I mean. I am glad she is safe with you.


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## galfriend (Nov 19, 2004)

Just seen this post Ravenlost. I will add you and your family to my prayers. I am so sorry to hear everything you are having to go through right now. I'm thankful the lil one has such a loving, caring Grandma like you that she can be with. 

The path ahead will likely be a rocky one, but, for the sake of your dear granddaughter you will hang in there!!! No strokes or heart attacks allowed!!!!! I'm also having some sorts of similar in my life right now too.

I've always loved this phrase; He won't bring it to you, that He won't bring you through it.
((((Hugs))))


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## Jokarva (Jan 17, 2010)

Praying for you and your family RL, please take care of yourself.


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## Tricky Grama (Oct 7, 2006)

farmergirl said:


> BIG hugs to you! Thank you for always standing up for those who can not fight for themselves. You are a hero in my eyes.


Ditto this & prayers & good thoughts...
Patty


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## Minelson (Oct 16, 2007)

Sending you tons of cyber hugs and support! I'm so sorry about all the troubles it sounds very frustrating  We are all pulling for you here! Wish I could help more


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## jamala (May 4, 2007)

Praying for you and sending hugs your way! I am so very sorry you are having to go through this!


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

I am sorry, Ravenlost!

My husbands nephew learned the hard way to not play games with the courts: instead of showing up for something REALLY minor he moved to California.

Everything was fine until he was stopped for another minor problem, and then when they checked they found out that there was an arrest warrent out for him. He was very young at the time, and he thought that since it was a small thing that the courts would not care. He was wrong.

They shipped him back, he was denied bail because he had left the state once before, and he ended up staying in jail for months. The origional charges were dropped because they were insignificant compared to him not showing up for court.

You can use this as an example if she is tempted to not do exactly as the courts tell her. 

I hope that they both end up doing well: they might. The above mentioned young man is now out, back in California, and working.


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## sisterpine (May 9, 2004)

It is important to keep the facts straight in a case such as this. Alcohol and cigarettes do more damage to a baby simply because they are consumed in greater quantity. Not because they are worse or better than cannabis. Cannabis has its own set of carcinogens and body damaging ingredients.

Often when a mom is bi-polar it is suggested she not take her normal meds while pregnant and it is actually recommended that bi polar medicated women avoid pregnancy. We can see how well that works. I personally think using cannabis to help control her moods was a very sensible idea esp since she was probably off meds to help the pregnancy. I do not understand why they would run a drug test on mom and baby unless there was already some concern about her drug use previously.

Ravenlost, I am sorry you are involved in this mess. I know you want your son and his lady to raise their own child and I pray that they are able to.


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

Many years ago, we took in a young mother with her 6 week daughter. Difficult situation..anyway....she knew nothing about being a mother and had a poor excuse of a mother herself...so how could she know...I noticed after a day or so that she just wasn't bonding with this baby...she layed around all day and wouldn't feed or change her baby even when the baby cried...she finally confessed to me that she didn't want to bond with the baby because it would hurt so much more when CPS would eventually take it from her...so sad..she knew they would find her incompetent and would take her baby so she basically gave up....she was bi-polar...maybe your son and daughter in law feel that they don't have a chance so why try...it would be worth investigating...our young friend left our home to move in with a boyfriend after 4 months with us....several years later I met someone that knew her and she told me that she had another baby girl 2 years later and had lost both of them to CPS...I think that maybe your husband is just angry at how things are turning out...his heart may soften later.....still praying for you Ravenlost and your family....I know that you will do "whatever it takes"...


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## InHisName (Jan 26, 2006)

The baby is fortunate to have you, Ravenlost. Praying for you all....


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## HermitJohn (May 10, 2002)

Different standards for different states, counties, etc, lot places she'd of never been tested for pot, let alone being subjected to heavy hand of child protective services for using it. Think left coast BLUE states. Other RED state places might even be worse than where she is, she might get life in prison as official menace worse than worst murderer ...TX....cough,cough... they still seriously believe in Reefer Madness. Probably best thing would be for them to jump through hoops to get declared "officially approved parents", then once ok'd, get the heck out of Dodge with the kid and move to where their habit is more tolerated if they are going to continue it and I suspect they are. Course neither of them sound too functional so that would probably take too much planning and work.


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## Susan (Jun 29, 2008)

my prayers are with you and your family...


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## Country Lady (Oct 2, 2003)

Ravenlost, my thoughts are how much they need to live close to you so that you can look out for that baby. Is that possible? Of course, she might not can leave that area now until she can get the charges cleared up. Maybe talk them into letting you take the baby home with you until that can happen. Just thinking what would be best for you and the baby. I feel for you in this situation.


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

you are in my prayers


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> Yes, I am still the legal guardian until the parents prove they are fit...which they are NOT doing. They lay in bed all day, get up in the late afternoon and go to the coffee shop, eat junk food and have not lifted a finger to clean their house, etc. I have contacted the caseworker about this and am hoping that things will start moving.


I think you need to pack up your things and go home (taking the child with you, of course). Be very grateful if your husband is willing to become a co-parent with you at his age (and yours). 

Give some hard thought as to whether it might be best for the baby to be adopted by someone else. Some dear friends of mine went through this years ago. They were in their late 50s at the time and did not want to embark on a second round of parenthood. In the end, their granddaughters ended up being raised by their aunt, but my friends spent lots of time with the girls on weekends, summer vacations, etc.


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## Molly Mckee (Jul 8, 2006)

I think that as much as you may feel that you are abandoning your son, the baby has to come first. You certainly should not feel you have to spend the rest of your life trying to keep your son's family together. Maybe a councilor could help you sort out what will be best for everyone. I think it's time to take your granddaughter and go home--maybe planning to have your son and DIL move near you.You need the support of your DH if he's willing, and so does Coraline.


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## jen74145 (Oct 31, 2006)

I fully believe it is traumatic for an an infant to be separated from his/her mother, so I would not advise it unless the situation is dire. I'm not even suggesting it now.

But I am very concerned at the idea of two unmedicated bipolar pparents being left alone with a baby. A baby who will cry, sometimes for hours. I just- oh, Raven.

I remember Jack. I figure you're reloving all kinds of hurt right now. What about your daughter, have you spoken to her about the.situation so she can step in as a kinship placement if it comes.to that?

Bipolar is a beast. So hard to keepxpeople medicated as they need.


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## debbydoo1966 (Jan 15, 2007)

I typed a huge huge reply, then deleted it. You know what really needs to be done. I hope you have the wisdom and courage to follow through with it. My thoughts are with you during this very troubling time.


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## thaiblue12 (Feb 14, 2007)

I am sorry  

I have no idea the family dynamics but is it even possible for them to move close to you, or a trailer on the far edge of your property? You guys have the baby and they come visit and help care for her as much as possible? 
But with rules, like do not drop in on us, no running around the property, this is your apt/area/place and respect ours. We will not pay for your bills, provide you with food and such. 

She needs to be on birth control, maybe that long lasting shot, Depo? I can easily see another pregnancy in the near future without any birth control. 

Cutting them off will not benefit anyone, I understand he is probably very frustrated and is taking care of everything at home on top of working but rash choices are the right ones.


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## SunsetSonata (Nov 23, 2006)

This whole thing is sad, and unfair to you, really. I know you've already got your hands full at home between the animals, your health, hubby, everything... Like others have said I honestly hope for everyone's sake that your DS and daughter-in-law won't continue to provide more blessings... I hate thinking that you need to prepare for that scenario as there's a track record now... what a position you're in already.  God Bless you for putting this child first. You have a lot of love to offer.


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## AR Cattails (Dec 22, 2005)

I'm praying for you all in this difficult time.


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## naturelover (Jun 6, 2006)

Ravenlost said:


> DIL actually discussed using marijuana with her OB/GYN. She is allergic to phenergen (sp?) and the doctor was hesitant to prescribe the other anti nausea med because it is highly addictive and can have serious side effects. So she smoked pot when she was sick...or so they told me! Who knows?
> 
> I don't believe the baby will have any long term problems. She was five weeks premature, but her Apgar score was 9. She's doing great.


I'm so sorry to hear about this turn of events. If baby tested positive for mj in her system when she was born then that means mom was probably using it on a regular basis right up to delivery, not just when she was feeling sick.

If mom was ONLY using mj during pregnancy then baby should be okay in the long term. It will take about 6 months at the most for all remaining mj residue to completely get out of her system. You may need to give baby additional nutritional supplements, vitamins, minerals etc.

.


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## HermitJohn (May 10, 2002)

Ravenlost said:


> Yes, I am still the legal guardian until the parents prove they are fit...


So you are now Coraline's "other mother"??? Sorry, it just struck me sort of ironic...


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## jamala (May 4, 2007)

Just wanted to stop in and let you know you are in my prayers today. My heart is hurting for you being in this situation, maybe if you take sweet Coraline and head home her parents may wake up and realize they have to shape up fast. Whats the saying "you don't know what you got till its gone". I don't know if you can do that or not but something has to wake them up. I am thankful that she has such a caring grandma to love and care for her and shower her with the love she needs


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## giraffe_baby (Oct 15, 2005)

(((HUGS))) and lots of thoughts and prayers for the child involved... lots of dynamics in a family


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## SFM in KY (May 11, 2002)

I have absolutely no suggestions to offer, only my sincere sympathy. Cannot imagine what you are going through. I've worked in a psych hospital and have seen more than one situation involving various mental illnesses ... maintaining the medication regimen is the best answer to assist people in coping with life but so many of them simply cannot or will not stay on them. 

I can't tell you how many times we would get repeat admissions under these circumstances ... we would stabilize them on medications, they would be able to maintain a reasonable lifestyle and be discharged. They could manage to maintain the medical regimen for a certain amount of time, then they would gradually drop off, eventually be unable to manage and be readmitted.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Raven, my prayers continue to be with you and all involved. I pray that you can take the baby home with you if it comes to that. I think it would kill you to give her up at this point. I pray that your husband will take one look at litle Coraline and fall head over heals in love with her.


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## Queen Bee (Apr 7, 2004)

Prayers that you will find peace and joy in your grandbaby and that it will keep you in the best health possible... Sorry you are having such a hard time..


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## Just Little Me (Aug 9, 2007)

Paula, First let me send you prayers.
As you know, at 50, we ended up with a newborn grandson to raise. We would not trade it for anything in the world. Many more older parents (either blood or not) have raised babies.
He is now 4 almost 5 and the love of our lives. Yes we get tired faster than we used to. But he is still our child. We completed the adoption last Aug. and his mother(our daughter) can not be in his life anymore. She chose to have it this way.

Anyway, contact me if you need anything.

PRAYERS ent.


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## Mysticdream44 (Dec 29, 2004)

Sending lots of prayers and hugs, praying for a good outcome and your strength to endure.


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## ronbre (Apr 26, 2009)

blessings, remember only priorities, nothing that can wait


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

AngieM2 said:


> Ravenlost - what appears to be happening and you becoming permanant guardian is what I have thought would probably happen in the back of my mind.
> 
> And as to what your hubby says about divorcing them, etc. What's to keep them from having another baby and no one being around to save it. You know, just so they can have a baby of their own.
> 
> ...


Oh, I totally agree with you Angie! I don't think zero contact would be in the best interest of anyone involved.


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

HermitJohn said:


> So you are now Coraline's "other mother"??? Sorry, it just struck me sort of ironic...


LOL...thanks for the laugh! I needed it!

Thank you everyone for your prayers, concern and advice. It helps me more than you can ever know.


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## ceresone (Oct 7, 2005)

Prayers for you, Raven, and everyone concerned.


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## Lizza (Nov 30, 2005)

I agree with others, cutting the parents out of your new daughters life is not going to be in anyone's best interests, including yours, babies, and your son/daughter in law. Although I understand your husbands anger. Honestly, they probably won't be much of a part of your life or your daughters anyways. They will probably just flit in and out. 

Thinking of you Raven :grouphug:


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## mare (Aug 31, 2006)

wow, sorry to hear you are going thru this. i hope with all my heart this works out for the best for you. i think your hubby needs time to adjust to what is going on--but i dont think your son or dil are going to wake up so some one has to step up and help this child, i am wondering about the other side of the family??? is there some one else that is younger that would step up and take guardian ship (not that you are too old). or is this something you feel you are the best one to take care of it? tough road, you are in my thoughts.


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## DamnearaFarm (Sep 27, 2007)

I'm so sorry, Paula. 

<<<hugs>>> and well wishes.


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

mare said:


> wow, sorry to hear you are going thru this. i hope with all my heart this works out for the best for you. i think your hubby needs time to adjust to what is going on--but i dont think your son or dil are going to wake up so some one has to step up and help this child, i am wondering about the other side of the family??? is there some one else that is younger that would step up and take guardian ship (not that you are too old). or is this something you feel you are the best one to take care of it? tough road, you are in my thoughts.


No, there isn't anyone else. My DIL's mother has two five year old twins. Her husband is disabled and they are barely scraping by. Haven't heard from her in two weeks, even though she lives here in the same town. 

There's just me. I am the only one willing (and able) to raise my precious grand daughter. 

I agree that hubby just needs time to adjust. He always reacts to bad situations like this. It's frustrating, but I know that he is like this. Really makes me feel like I'm in it alone though...every time I talk to him he is very harsh and acts like I'm not doing anything right. I'm always telling him a little support would be nice!


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## bama (Aug 21, 2011)

he is simply being a man. most (not all, but mine included) don't deal well with extreme stress and a change in routines.

hugs and prayers though.


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## jamala (May 4, 2007)

We are here to support you, and lend a caring ear. Please know you are not alone, we are praying for you and are here to listen. Hug that sweet baby and know you are being lifted up in prayer.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Ravenlost, do what is best for your granddaughter, you and your DH! You know best because this is your family! 

I can't tell you what to do since I don't know your DS and DIL personally. (Heck, I don't know you personally, but I do know that you have a good head on your shoulders!)

Have you given any thought though that they will conceive another and another and still another baby? I know that you won't have any control over that situation should it arise, but keep it in mind.


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

Oh, that weighs heavy on my mind Ardie!


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## Lizza (Nov 30, 2005)

bama said:


> he is simply being a man. most (not all, but mine included) don't deal well with extreme stress and a change in routines.
> 
> hugs and prayers though.


I agree, he is simply being a man. Sometimes being a woman is lonely. We are here for you. Do you have any girlfriends? Your hubby will settle down, think of him like a big boat, he can't flip around on a dime, it takes a long time for him to make a turn, but he'll get there. Hugs. 

Have you thought about an open adoption where you and your son/daughter in law could visit or have some contact? I know people that have adopted that have a good relationship with the birth parents/grandparents.


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## AngieM2 (May 10, 2002)

As much as Raven's DH rescues dogs and such, I think if he could meet Coraline he may start thawing a little bit.

One can hope.


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## Faith (Jun 13, 2008)

I'm so sorry Ravenlost, what a terrible situation to be in. I am praying for you.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> There's just me. I am the only one willing (and able) to raise my precious grand daughter.


If she were put up for adoption, I'd think she would stand a very good chance at being placed in a good home. Perhaps the adoptive parents might even allow you to remain part of her life. 

I hesitate to post this, because it's kind of awful. But ... this is the child of two mentally ill parents. What are the odds that she is going to have problems, too? And when she does ... most likely when she reaches her teen years, how old will you and your husband be? And how well-equipped to deal with it?

Remember the friends I mentioned earlier, who had a hand in raising their granddaughters after their (adopted) daughter proved unfit? Well, despite a a good upbringing, all three of those girls turned out just as dysfunctional as their mother. Only one managed to graduate from high school. All were unwed mothers by the time there were 20. The middle granddaughter's story was especially tragic; she went to prison after her boyfriend was caught marketing a sex tape of her being intimate with a 14-year-old boy. Her baby was born during her incarceration.

For my friends, the heartbreak didn't end with their mentally-ill daughter ... it continued right into the next generation and beyond.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

willow_girl said:


> If she were put up for adoption, I'd think she would stand a very good chance at being placed in a good home. Perhaps the adoptive parents might even allow you to remain part of her life.
> 
> I hesitate to post this, because it's kind of awful. But ... this is the child of two mentally ill parents. What are the odds that she is going to have problems, too? And when she does ... most likely when she reaches her teen years, how old will you and your husband be? And how well-equipped to deal with it?


I doubt that would be possible simply because the parents wouldn't agree. Willow, I for one, don't think that's awful. That's how I got my four siblings. I cannot tell you what a loving thing it was for my siblings' birth mothers to allow them to be adopted by people who were ready for children. One of my best memories is when my niece was born. My mom was so excited and said, "Oh, wow, she has my dad's toes." I looked at her and said, "What?" and she couldn't figure out what I meant. 

Paula, is it safe for your DIL to nurse? Can you take your granddaughter to your home? Can you get formula through WIC? Does she have a medical card? I'm really sorry about all this.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

Oh, I didn't mean adoption was awful! I felt bad about looking ahead and questioning whether the baby will have problems later, since both her parents are bipolar(?).

I have been very close to three families that adopted kids who developed mental health and/or substance abuse problems. In some cases, the children were adopted as infants and had never known their birth families. I think genetics plays a much stronger role in our make-up than is commonly realized. 

IIRC, Ravenlost and her husband both have health problems ... are they going to be up to the challenge of a mentally ill teenager 15 years from now? That's something to think about. It's a real possibility ... sadly.


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## Minelson (Oct 16, 2007)

It will work out. It will take some time. You are in our thoughts and we are holding you up with good thoughts and prayers. (((((hugs))))


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## Just Little Me (Aug 9, 2007)

Bi-polar can and does skip generations in some families.


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## Molly Mckee (Jul 8, 2006)

I don't think Raven and her DH are that old, people are having babies well into their 40's--and I think as you age your experience and your patience grow. IMO a child does best in a stable, loving home. Older parents can provide that. I think that there is a greater chance that the baby will have mental problems than another child but they are not excessive. A stable, loving home will certainly reduce the chance, I don't think it is something that needs more than a passing thought. Why borrow trouble when this baby needs her family now?

I would cross the bridge of other siblings when it is obvious they are going to arrive and work one problem at a time. 

I would be concerned about a baby being breast fed if the mother is using any kind of illegal drugs--you don't know what they have been cut with and these other chemicals can be worse than the drug.

Bless you and your husband for being willing to step in and give this child the stability that she needs. You are in my prayers.


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## chickenista (Mar 24, 2007)

I do kind of lean with Willow.
Adoption is a wonderful option!
Both of my siblings are adopted and I am a birth mother.
Somewhere is a wonderful young family that is just praying for a child to love and cherish.
And open adoption is great.
You can still have pics and info and updates etc..

It is an option to consider.


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## jen74145 (Oct 31, 2006)

While I would also weigh adoption, I understand why this paticulsr family may be leery of it. But... good points have been raised.

I don't know. I'm just so sorry. This situation stinks.

How old is she now?


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> I think that there is a greater chance that the baby will have mental problems than another child but they are not excessive. A stable, loving home will certainly reduce the chance, I don't think it is something that needs more than a passing thought. Why borrow trouble when this baby needs her family now?


Because if she's going to be adopted, she has the best shot of finding a great home while she's an infant. Children who go into the foster care system later fare much worse, IMO. 

Remember, I had friends who went through this ... they decided they were not up to raising three young children when they were in their 50s. The girls were placed with an aunt instead, who did a good job ... but all 3 had problems starting in their teen years. It would have been very, very difficult for my friends to deal with this in their 60s ... they had health problems by then, too. 

I know Ravenlost feels she is the only one who can help this child, but ... that's really not so. There are other options. And raising this child herself is going to cause incredible conflict in her marriage if her husband stands by his demand that she cut off contact with her son and his wife. It could cost her her marriage.

I'm sure she's thought of these things already anyway. Ravenlost, I feel so badly for you -- you're such a nice person. It's such a shame you're having to go through this.


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## Jokarva (Jan 17, 2010)

willow_girl said:


> If she were put up for adoption, I'd think she would stand a very good chance at being placed in a good home. Perhaps the adoptive parents might even allow you to remain part of her life.
> 
> *I hesitate to post this, because it's kind of awful*. But ... this is the child of two mentally ill parents. What are the odds that she is going to have problems, too? And when she does ... most likely when she reaches her teen years, how old will you and your husband be? And how well-equipped to deal with it?
> 
> ...



And I hesitated to add this, but I have to agree with Willow. 

My DH's cousin had a mentally ill son with 4 small children...poor control of his illness finally led him to commit suicide. A short while later his equally mentally ill wife was killed in a car wreck. DH's cousin knew she was in no position to raise 4 small kids, so they were adopted by one of her coworkers (both are nurses). DH's family still has contact and they are in a stable home with two loving parents.

One of the reasons DH's cousin hesitated on taking them was because of the possibility of mental illness cropping up in the kids. She is not young and is widowed...she couldn't conceive of going thru what she'd gone thru with her son when she was even older...and no one in the family faulted her for that. The new parents are young and fully aware of what the kid's background's are, the kids are best off there.

Sorry for the longwindedness, but I remember what a strain all this was on DH's family when it happened (in New Orleans right about when Katrina went thru). Whatever road you go down RL I hope and pray it works out for all involved.


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## Country Lady (Oct 2, 2003)

Around here where I live, it seems to be the new trend for childless couples wanting a child to go to China to adopt. I don't understand this. Don't get me wrong, all children deserve a good home, but I do feel that we have lots of deserving children here on our own soil that need loving homes too. Ravenlost, your precious grandaughter deserves a good home with loving parents wherever that might be. I pray for you and this innocent life.


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## wanda1950 (Jan 18, 2009)

willow_girl said:


> If she were put up for adoption, I'd think she would stand a very good chance at being placed in a good home. Perhaps the adoptive parents might even allow you to remain part of her life.
> 
> I hesitate to post this, because it's kind of awful. But ... this is the child of two mentally ill parents. What are the odds that she is going to have problems, too? And when she does ... most likely when she reaches her teen years, how old will you and your husband be? And how well-equipped to deal with it?
> 
> ...


I had thought of this, too. A lot of mental illness is hereditary to an extent.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

I think that we've all given thought to the points that Willow has brought up. 

She is another lady that I've "known" on the Internet for many years and she also has g good steady head on her shoulders.


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## Molly Mckee (Jul 8, 2006)

I'm not sure how this got to be about adoption, I don't think Raven ever mentioned it as a possibility. There is a huge difference between letting your mom raise your baby "temporarily" and giving a child up for adoption, or even letting your mom adopt the baby. 

I'm sorry your DH is having a hard time with this. I'm sure it isn't an easy situation for anyone. Your DH probably has the typical man attitude of wanting to just fix it and he can't. Anyone who can do what you guys do with the dogs has a big heart, the baby will be fine. You and your DH can't fix your DS or your DIL -they have to want to and do it themselves. 

I'm sure you will do whatever you feel is necessary to care for little Coraline. You will find plenty of support here, whatever you decide.


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## mnn2501 (Apr 2, 2008)

Ravenlost said:


> I agree that hubby just needs time to adjust. He always reacts to bad situations like this. It's frustrating, but I know that he is like this. Really makes me feel like I'm in it alone though...every time I talk to him he is very harsh and acts like I'm not doing anything right. I'm always telling him a little support would be nice!


Being a male, I would probably say the same thing at least to begin with. That doesn't mean it wouldn't change in the future. I am sure he just wants what is best for the grandchild and he right now doesn't see any future in the parents ability to parent.

Prayers for all to do what is best.


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## Sonshine (Jul 27, 2007)

Ravenlost said:


> No, there isn't anyone else. My DIL's mother has two five year old twins. Her husband is disabled and they are barely scraping by. Haven't heard from her in two weeks, even though she lives here in the same town.
> 
> There's just me. I am the only one willing (and able) to raise my precious grand daughter.
> 
> I agree that hubby just needs time to adjust. He always reacts to bad situations like this. It's frustrating, but I know that he is like this. Really makes me feel like I'm in it alone though...every time I talk to him he is very harsh and acts like I'm not doing anything right. I'm always telling him a little support would be nice!


Since I'm not there I don't really know in what capacity your husband made the comment, but, in many cases it is better for the child is there is a clean break with the birth parents. In some cases it can be more confusing for the child when the birth parents are in and out of their lives. My sister tried to raise her son's children, but the parent's were still involved in their lives. It ended up being a struggle because the rules she set for the kids were always challenged by the parents. Led to some very confused and messed up kids.

There's no easy answers here. You have to look at all angles and figure out what's best for the baby. Everyone else that's involved are adults and can fend for themselves, but that baby needs security and a consistant life.

As always, you are in my prayers.


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## Sonshine (Jul 27, 2007)

willow_girl said:


> Because if she's going to be adopted, she has the best shot of finding a great home while she's an infant. Children who go into the foster care system later fare much worse, IMO.
> 
> Remember, I had friends who went through this ... they decided they were not up to raising three young children when they were in their 50s. The girls were placed with an aunt instead, who did a good job ... but all 3 had problems starting in their teen years. It would have been very, very difficult for my friends to deal with this in their 60s ... they had health problems by then, too.
> 
> ...


I can't fault your logic, but sometimes the heart defies logic. I would have a hard time allowing any grandchild of mine to be raised by strangers never knowing if I'll ever see her again.


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## Loriann1971 (Sep 1, 2005)

You have to do what you think is best and no one can tell you what that is because no one else has all the details that you have. You'll be in my thoughts as you face the choices ahead.

As far as older parents raising kids, DH is 51 and I am 40 and our boys just turned 3 and 4 this past week. We also have a 7 year old daughter. We don't feel too old at all. My mom hadn't even had me yet when she was my age.


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

Adoption is NOT an option. I will not lose another grandchild to adoption.

I am only 52. I'll be 53 this summer. Hubby is 54. Yes, we have multiple health problems that will just get worse as time goes by. I have a wonderful daughter who will step in and help if it comes to that. Right now she has her hands full though and is barely making ends meet. Once she is out of school and working as a teacher things will be better for her.

Yes, it is safe for DIL to nurse. Al the medical staff (except for one nurse) agree that there is no reason she shouldn't be nursing.

Should Coraline have Bipolar Disorder I believe I am more than capable of dealing with it. I've had a lot of experience in it now! If I'd known more back when my son was a teenager and first started exhibiting symptoms I would have done things a lot differently. I didn't know! I wish, with all my heart, I had known. I thought he was exhibiting typical teen rebellion at the time. Once he was diagnosed it was to late for me to "make" him do what he needed to do as he was a legal adult.

Hubby was very rude on the phone last night so I am done reasoning with him. He'll come around. I have better things to worry about right now.


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

Sonshine said:


> ...Everyone else that's involved are adults and can fend for themselves, but that baby needs security and a consistant life.
> 
> As always, you are in my prayers.


BINGO! I totally agree!


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## AngieM2 (May 10, 2002)

Hugs Ravenlost.
And a kiss on Coraline's sweet little head from me, next time you get a chance to give it to her.


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## Cannon_Farms (Aug 28, 2008)

if you need any baby girl clothes Olivia is 4 months and in 6-9 month clothing so I have a great deal of smaller stuff I wont need. its been recycled from her sister who we pretty much bought all new from, neither are spitter uppers so the clothes are not stained.

if it wasnt for the hard times we could never appreciate the good ones.


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## JuliaAnn (Dec 7, 2004)

Good for you Raven. Sounds like if your husband won't 'man up' on this, then you have to be man enough for both of you, for the sake of your granddaughter. And I guarantee your husband will come around, probably the instant he holds her for the first time.


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

Thanks for the offer Cannon_Farms. This baby has more than enough clothes (courtesy of Granny shopping at Goodwill). In fact, I've bought probably 90 percent of the things she needs...changing table, crib, bassinet, bathtub, diapers, clothes, wipes, pacifiers, bottles, car seat, bouncy seat, etc. etc. 

Someone asked how old she is now...three weeks this past Saturday. 

And the adoption issue is a non issue. It will not happen unless I fall over dead today.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation and I hope for only the best outcomes as all of you make important decisions for your granddaughter. I'm not taking sides on this but to your husband's credit at least he didn't give an outright "no" to what was probably a request made over the phone. As others have stated, the adults will be fine. The focus has to remain on doing what's best for the infant.


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

Hubby knew from the day we found out they were expecting that I would not lose another grandchild. I told him flat out. No ifs, ands or buts. 

He'll adjust or I'll take my grand daughter and live elsewhere. I'm 99 percent sure he'll adjust!


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## pamda (Oct 14, 2004)

Raven, I am so sorry to know you are going through this. I have 2 grown kids who are both bi-polar. One has a kid with a woman who is not dx'ed but has something going on. What a mess this is. The other, can not have kids because of medical issues. What a blessing in diguise this is. She has stated more than once if she'd had a baby we all know I would be raising it as she was such a mess. I would raise any child who needed me(and have) It is so hard to go through this with family though. My hubby, however, yells NO! to any idea I have of taking in a baby or small child. Family or not. Ya, right...If push came to shove that small child will come first. I am sorry to say. 

Good luck with whatever comes up. I am praying for you like crazy and for everyone else involved.


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## Sonshine (Jul 27, 2007)

Loriann1971 said:


> You have to do what you think is best and no one can tell you what that is because no one else has all the details that you have. You'll be in my thoughts as you face the choices ahead.
> 
> As far as older parents raising kids, DH is 51 and I am 40 and our boys just turned 3 and 4 this past week. We also have a 7 year old daughter. We don't feel too old at all. My mom hadn't even had me yet when she was my age.


I'm 54 and DS is 13.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Ravenlost said:


> Hubby knew from the day we found out they were expecting that I would not lose another grandchild. I told him flat out. No ifs, ands or buts.
> 
> He'll adjust or I'll take my grand daughter and live elsewhere. I'm 99 percent sure he'll adjust!


How solid has your marriage been up until now? I'm not sure of all what has transpired, but does your husband have plans that include traveling? A young child will surely put the damper on that.

I see so many grandparents nowadays "sandbagged" with their grandchildren. Many of them are just babysitters - and while the parents are off having fun, the poor grandparents are the ones stuck at home raising their grandchildren.

The Grandparents raised their children and were looking forward to a retired life with grandchildren - ones they could love and spoil and then went back home with the parents. Many of them agreed to "help out" with babysitting, and ended up becoming full time "parents" of their grandchildren - and while they love their grandchildren, they are miserable at the situation they are in. 

And in your case, you aren't just going to be babysitting the grandchild but actually raising her. I applaud your willingness, but just hope you aren't biting off more than you chew.

And I certainly hope you are right about your husband. As you could very well end up raising your granddaughter by yourself.


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## mrswright (Jan 10, 2009)

Have no advice, you have to do what is right for you period. Just want you to know that I am thinking about you. Hugs.


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## Maura (Jun 6, 2004)

I think Ravenlost and her husband are already pretty tied to staying home because of the animals they have, so travel isn't really a problem. Giving up a child for adoption is the hardest thing in the world to do. Most people can't do it.


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

I'm glad you come here for support. And I support you in what ever decisions you have to make...you already know in your heart what you need to do....she needs her family (you) to look out for her best interest...things will work out for the best someway somehow....I commend you for stepping up to the plate when her parents can not...I know that I would do "anything" I had to do for my granddaughters...they come first in my life....


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## pamda (Oct 14, 2004)

Michael W. Smith said:


> How solid has your marriage been up until now? I'm not sure of all what has transpired, but does your husband have plans that include traveling? A young child will surely put the damper on that.
> 
> I see so many grandparents nowadays "sandbagged" with their grandchildren. Many of them are just babysitters - and while the parents are off having fun, the poor grandparents are the ones stuck at home raising their grandchildren.
> 
> ...


 This is the only generation of people who would feel "sandbagged" by taking care of the younger generations. Many of the people in my grandparents generation expected to keep the grands and the neices and nephews, while parents worked, were sick or even if they had to raise them. There is no biting off more than you can chew, this is grandparents doing what the feel lead to do and it is for them the right thing. I am 57 next week and I am so ashamed of my generation for the selfishness some of them . We are a very me oriented group and selfish to the max. PS..I took in street kids ,some with babies from the streets in Denver, was told I was ruining my life. All but 1 are successful members of society, who still keep in contact, with kids who call me grandma and they some of them, have grands who know me too.  A grandchild who needs me will have me forever, no matter how old I am. You can travel with them, get a sitter to see a show, etc...You are not stuck home.


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## Ann-NWIowa (Sep 28, 2002)

We have friends who had to step up and raise two grandchildren of their adopted dd. Mental health issues there too. I know that my friend had no problem taking on the kids but her dh struggled with it. Partly because after working all his life he was ready to retire and two infants definitely were not part of his retirement plans. The other problem was he was worried it would be too much for his wife. They kept their dd in the loop which turned out to be okay.

If I were in your situation, I'd give the parents six months or at most a year to get their acts together. If they cannot or will not, then I'd want to adopt the child myself to protect her from her parents craziness as she gets older. As long as an infant's needs are met craziness won't affect them much but after a year of age it becomes a big issue. 

My dd was determined that her ex be a father to his kids even tho he was an undependable druggie who probably wouldn't have bothered if she hadn't pushed it. The boys are grown up now and neither are doing well with their lives as they are patterning after their father. I honestly feel if my dd had not allowed their father around them they would have had a much better chance. Since the ex never paid child support there would have been no problem keeping him out of the picture. A bad parent is not necessarily better than no parent in most circumstances.


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## jen74145 (Oct 31, 2006)

I'm glad you're willing to take the child and leave if your dh doesn't come around. Far better that than she grow up living like that.

Not everyone comes around to love a child not their own. I am so glad you see the reality of that, hurtful as it must be.

I'm going to assume he will pull his head out of his rump, post haste, and become a dedicated grandpa. The alternative makes me too irked to consider for long.


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## Our Little Farm (Apr 26, 2010)

Ravenlost my heart goes out to you. You are a wonderful person and I know you will give your granddaughter the secureness and love that she will need. 
I pray that your husband does come round, heck, this would be a shock for anyone, but you are still young enough to do this and do it well. 

(((hugs))) and love,

OLF


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## Sonshine (Jul 27, 2007)

pamda said:


> This is the only generation of people who would feel "sandbagged" by taking care of the younger generations. Many of the people in my grandparents generation expected to keep the grands and the neices and nephews, while parents worked, were sick or even if they had to raise them. There is no biting off more than you can chew, this is grandparents doing what the feel lead to do and it is for them the right thing. I am 57 next week and I am so ashamed of my generation for the selfishness some of them . We are a very me oriented group and selfish to the max. PS..I took in street kids ,some with babies from the streets in Denver, was told I was ruining my life. All but 1 are successful members of society, who still keep in contact, with kids who call me grandma and they some of them, have grands who know me too. A grandchild who needs me will have me forever, no matter how old I am. You can travel with them, get a sitter to see a show, etc...You are not stuck home.


Great post!! We adopted an 8 month old when I was 40. I'm now 54 and he's 13 with learning disabilities. I homeschool and we go wherever we want when we want to. We have several neighbors that watch him when DH and I need a date night, but we usually just have family nights. I took in some kids from dysfunctional homes and was told the same thing when we took in a 14 year old girl who's mother died of a drug overdose. Everyone said we were making a big mistake, ect. She had moments that she was a handful, but what teen doesn't? She's now married, has a baby and is in the USAF as well as her husband.


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## Sonshine (Jul 27, 2007)

jen74145 said:


> I'm glad you're willing to take the child and leave if your dh doesn't come around. Far better that than she grow up living like that.
> 
> Not everyone comes around to love a child not their own. I am so glad you see the reality of that, hurtful as it must be.
> 
> I'm going to assume he will pull his head out of his rump, post haste, and become a dedicated grandpa. The alternative makes me too irked to consider for long.


Where did anyone say that her DH doesn't love the child? I may have missed that. From what I read the DH is willing to take in the child, but doesn't want the birthparents in the child's life if they decide to raise her. I can understand his feelings on this. When we adopted our DS we were given options to allow the birthmother to have contact with DS. We opted not to because I didn't know her and didn't know what problems could arise having her involved. If she tried to usurp my authority it would cause a lot of confusion. If you are going to raise a child as your own, it's not always wise to have the birth parents involved because many times the birthparents want to be part time parents. That's not healthy for the child IMO.


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## jen74145 (Oct 31, 2006)

Ravenlost said:


> Hubby knew from the day we found out they were expecting that I would not lose another grandchild. I told him flat out. No ifs, ands or buts.
> 
> He'll adjust or I'll take my grand daughter and live elsewhere. I'm 99 percent sure he'll adjust!


From this. *shrug* I was encouraging RL in her devotion to do the best for Coraline.


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## grandma12703 (Jan 13, 2011)

We wish RL the best of luck. Your DH will come around, sometimes it just takes them a little longer.


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## scooter (Mar 31, 2008)

Thank God that the baby has such a wonderful advocate for her. Prayers that everything works out.


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## jamala (May 4, 2007)

RV You know exactly what you must do and I am praying for you and sweet Coraline. Your hubby will come around, you know this in your heart--he is just having a stupid man attack. You are no where near too old to raise that sweet baby and traveling with a baby is fun. She will keep you young and smiling We have alot of parents in our homeschool co-op who have little ones and they are your age. 53 is NOT OLD! You are in my prayers, I know you can do it.


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## BackfourtyMI. (Sep 3, 2007)

Sending my thoughts, prayers & Hugs Ravenlost! Things have got to get better, just keep saying that & if your DS & DIL don't get their heads out of their butts, realize what a precious gift they've been given then you'll do what's best for Coraline & your hubby will come around when & if it comes to that because he loves you!


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Ravenlost said:


> Hubby knew from the day we found out they were expecting that I would not lose another grandchild. I told him flat out. No ifs, ands or buts.
> 
> He'll adjust or I'll take my grand daughter and live elsewhere. I'm 99 percent sure he'll adjust!


I am 99% certain that your DH will come around too. Again, I don't "know" him, but I sense that he is a very good and decent man. He is,perhaps, overwhelmed by the whole prospect of being a daddy, but he'll be okay.


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

I hope he comes around (he threw the "d" word at me today) but if he doesn't my mother has room for me and Coraline should it come to that. She lives in a big five bedroom house all by herself and would probably enjoy the company.

No way would we ever feel tied down by a baby. We've already devoted our lives to giving a good home to stray animals and a vacation for us is walking down to the pond to watch the sun set. Hubby retires in two years at age 56 (mandatory retirement) and has no intention of leaving the farm once he retires. He is always talking about becoming a hermit and is perfectly happy with his dog companions.


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## Ruby (May 10, 2002)

Hey guys and gals, remember who Raven is. She and her husband rescues stray dogs and cats. They wouldn't give up an animal that might need special care. DO YOU ACTUALLY THINK SHE WOULD EVEN THINK OF GIVING UP HER GRANDBABY? 

Raven hang in there and turn it over to God.

Maybe you can talk to DIL or Son about being sterlized. Point out how stressful it is having a baby, who knows they might come around and one of them at least have surgery.


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## Just Little Me (Aug 9, 2007)

I am so glad you are there for the baby. Mt offer stands to help in any way needed. Prayers to you Paula.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> Hubby was very rude on the phone last night so I am done reasoning with him. He'll come around.


I think that's a dangerous assumption.

Your husband never had children of his own, right? That suggests he either doesn't like them or at the very least wasn't interested in having them. I wouldn't count on a sudden change of heart ... :teehee:

But it seems you're aware and accepting of the possibility that you may have to go it alone, so ... best of luck! (I mean that sincerely.)


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

Well, suddenly it seems I will be going home today. DHR caseworker called a bit ago and said that the case was being closed today...the safety issue part anyway. 

They still want son and DIL in parenting classes and monitored, but feel there is no point in me being here as the parents have shown no signs of being a danger to the child.

I told them I can be here immediately if need be and my phone number will be kept in the file.

So...time to pack, cry and head home. :stars:


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## Sonshine (Jul 27, 2007)

Ravenlost said:


> Well, suddenly it seems I will be going home today. DHR caseworker called a bit ago and said that the case was being closed today...the safety issue part anyway.
> 
> They still want son and DIL in parenting classes and monitored, but feel there is no point in me being here as the parents have shown no signs of being a danger to the child.
> 
> ...


(((((HUGS))))) How far do you live from them? Hopefully close enough you can see her every day.


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## jamala (May 4, 2007)

Oh Raven, my heat breaks for you. I know you need to be there for Coraline and I can tell you are not confident in your DS and DIL's abiility to care for her. I will be covering you in prayer on your drive home and I will continue to lift Coraline and her parents up in prayer each day.


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

I'm three hours away...not nearly close enough! My mom and sister are an hour away though and I have a cousin and an aunt even closer to them.

I wish I could say I am happy to be going home, but my feelings are EXTREMELY mixed. I will be worrying myself sick.

Thank you jamala and everyone for the prayers and concern. This forum and the kind people here have been my lifeline during the last few weeks. You'll never know how much it meant to me having you here to give me advice and support.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

I just read through the entire thread...sending you big hugs. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. Like so many of the others have said, Coraline is blessed to have you watching over her.


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## jlrbhjmnc (May 2, 2010)

I will keep on praying.


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## mare (Aug 31, 2006)

glad to hear they will be getting parenting classes---sounds like they need them and i truly hope they help them.
i think its kinda scarey how fast this got turned around well maybe just kinda odd?


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Raven, I always believe that things happen for a reason. Call your son every day to check in. You will surely feel their moods and know if you need to step in or not. Coraline is very blessed to have you as her grandma. I am a grandmother to three children that were taken from their homes due to neglect and mental issues. My daughter adopted two children and my son, one daughter. I wish these three had had a grandmother to step in and help but sadly they did not. Best wishes to you all.


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## NickieL (Jun 15, 2007)

Raven, (hugs) I know this is so trying for you! I would keep a bag packed always incase you need to jump in the car and drive there in an emergency situation. I hope they stick with the classes and get things together. It's hard when there is such a little one who can't stick up forthemselves. My thoughts are with you and your family.


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## Shygal (May 26, 2003)

Ardie/WI said:


> I think that we've all given thought to the points that Willow has brought up.
> 
> She is another lady that I've "known" on the Internet for many years and she also has g good steady head on her shoulders.


She also does not want or like children and has made that known more than a few times. 
I know what its like to not have contact ever, with a grandchild.


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## Maura (Jun 6, 2004)

Now that children's social services are involved the case will never really be closed. If a neighbor calls a social worker will be out there within a day and will have a file showing that there are ongoing problems. The parenting classes can be very helpful if the parents have any real concern for their child. As the child gets older, Raven can take her for weekends, maybe even a couple of weeks in the summer. Perhaps other relatives can too, to offer the experience of a normal home.


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## EarlsNan (Apr 21, 2007)

Hugs and prayers!!


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## scooter (Mar 31, 2008)

If the parent's are sleeping into the afternoon, will they really be able to take care of a tiny babies needs?


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## jamala (May 4, 2007)

Raven, let us know when you are safely back home. I know that is going to be a stressful drive for you.


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## Queen Bee (Apr 7, 2004)

Raven, I think your husband may be trying to protect you. He knows you are hurting and doesn't know how to protect --or even help.. He is probably worried, confused, lonely, tired and needs to know you are ok... and will be ok... I will continue to pray for your Granddaughter, son, dil, husband and you... I hope you will find your home filled w/ peace ,love and understand..


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## Lizza (Nov 30, 2005)

:grouphug:Thinking of you Raven


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Shygal said:


> She also does not want or like children and has made that known more than a few times.
> I know what its like to not have contact ever, with a grandchild.


So!????? She has a right to her opinion and her likes and dislikes!

I know both men and woman who have not wished to be parents. I also know people who don't particularly like children. I also know what it's like to not have contact with a grandchild!

What's up, SG?


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

Oh, the case is definitely not closed and won't be for a long time. However, DHR decided that it was okay to close the "safety plan" and allow me to go home. They decided this once the Healthy Families program had sent someone to the house.

I will most definitely be staying in daily contact with my son.

BTW...I'm home.


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## AngieM2 (May 10, 2002)

I'm glad you're home. Try to get some rest between sessions of worrying. Go love the doggies and do some sewing, maybe porch sitting will help, too.

Good luck and prayers for the whole family.


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## jen74145 (Oct 31, 2006)

Could you afford to hire a housecleaner for them once a week? I'm thinking an extra woman around to clean and let cps know if something isn't right might be a good thing.


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## jamala (May 4, 2007)

So glad to hear you are home safely. You have been on my heart all morning. Continuing to lift you, Coraline and her parents in prayer.


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## Ohio dreamer (Apr 6, 2006)

Continuing to pray for guidance for all involved.


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## Sonshine (Jul 27, 2007)

I'm still praying too, for all of you.


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

AngieM2 said:


> I'm glad you're home. Try to get some rest between sessions of worrying. Go love the doggies and do some sewing, maybe porch sitting will help, too.
> 
> Good luck and prayers for the whole family.


LOL...first thing I did was take a walk out to the chicken pen to visit my chickens, ducks and rabbit! Will definitely be putting in a lot of porch sitting!

Thank you all for your prayers. Time will tell if they are going to change their ways to keep their child. Otherwise, she will be here with hubby and I growing up happy and healthy on the farm.


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## Melissa (Apr 15, 2002)

I am glad you are going to stay in close contact, I know you won't hesitate if you sense something is off. I am a little worried, but will pray for the very best outcome for all of you.


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

Thanks Melissa. I am a lot worried, but hoping for the best.


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## BlueberryChick (May 12, 2008)

I wish I had brilliant advice for you, but since I don't, I'll just send prayers and hugs for you.


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

Thank you!


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## Cliff (Jun 30, 2007)

Originally Posted by Ravenlost View Post
"DIL actually discussed using marijuana with her OB/GYN. She is allergic to phenergen (sp?) and the doctor was hesitant to prescribe the other anti nausea med because it is highly addictive and can have serious side effects. So she smoked pot when she was sick...or so they told me! Who knows?"

Sorry don't know how to properly quote you 

She is not being truthful about this if this is what she told you. Zofran is an anti-nausea drug that is NOT addictive and has been used for nausea in pregnant women for at least 14 years that I know of. It's pretty much been the standard for a while. 
Just looked it up and it's still approved for use during pregnancy.


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## Mid Tn Mama (May 11, 2002)

I also have been praying for your situation. Mostly for that poor baby who is innocent. Given the history you have with your son and the short history with the new DIL that has told you that there are many warning flags here: I can understand why you are prepared for whatever comes. I would not be too hard on your DH, though. I don't think it has much to do with being a parent vs a step parent. I'd be mightily angry if my children did things like these whether or not they were bio or step.Maybe your DH is like me: taking care of your own children is not a choice and should be priority number one for YOURSELF (not your parents).


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

Cliff, I didn't buy her story. It was an excuse for reckless behavior. Those two have more excuses than the rest of the world put together.

Thanks Mid TN Mama.


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## Smalltowngirl (Mar 28, 2010)

Paula, have you talked to your son & dil since you got home?? How's the baby & is DHS keeping you in the 'loop'??

Wishing you and that sweet little girl peace & love.


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

Talked to my son last night and he said all was well. DIL was on FB earlier today and promised me she'd post new photos tomorrow. Haven't heard from DHR since I came home.


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## SageLady (Jun 10, 2008)

Ravenlost, I bet the critters and your hubby are very happy to have you home!  

Maybe since you're gone now your son and DIL will get it together or else. Time will tell. I just hope for your DGD's sake that she will be given the care she needs, and if not, good to know that she has you to take her in! Praying for all of you...


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## BackfourtyMI. (Sep 3, 2007)

Probly so nice to be home & I'm sure you were missed a bunch! Still praying all goes well with your ds & his family.


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