# A question for Singles at Christmas



## Wolf mom (Mar 8, 2005)

What are your plans for Christmas eve and day?

When I lived in Arizona and family lived in Georgia, I usually spent both alone. I would decorate and put up a tree. I'd also make a special Christmas dinner for myself, and weather permitting, go for a horseback ride. 
Now, living in GA, Christmas eve will be spent with neighbors and Christmas day with my daughter.


----------



## 54metalman (Jul 12, 2011)

I have always tried to go to moms to spend both days with her. Even being engaged now she is Albuquerqe and I am still in Oregon. I am going to moms for Christmas eve and day and then driving to my love to spend 5 days. I dont do well alone.


----------



## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

Nope Nothing. My parents have passed. Kids do their own thing. I don't decorate anymore. Or cook hoilday meals. See no point.


----------



## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Minimal decorations now; wreath on the door, bow on the old style lantern out front.

Inside, I put a couple ornaments on a silk tree (not Christmas type) in the corner, and a couple stuffed animals anywhere the dogs won't eat them.

When DH was alive, on Christmas Day we'd go to the Casino early in the day for a little gambling and a lot of buffet, then home by about noon. So far, I've continued doing it, though each year I think may be the last. 

Also continue with the Day after Christmas (my birthday!) free chicken wing dinner at Hodak's! THAT is still totally enjoyable!

Mon


----------



## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

If I can live through whatever has got me in its grip the last 2 days I will be alone. my son will pick up his food on his last day of work then I wont see anyone until he goes back to work after the holiday. he hibernates with his dogs. I was invited out by friends but decided against it.

I still decorate quite a bit but I've downsized considerably this year. FM do you have a pic of that silk tree? ~Georgia


----------



## alida (Feb 8, 2015)

After my father died I always rented a car and went to Mom's home for Christmas Eve,sometimes alone, sometimes with other family,boyfriends etc, because she didn't like to be alone that evening. Driving to where I lived wasn't a option for her.
Most of the rest of the clan would come on Christmas day itself,or over the next few days, and we'd all chip in to prepare everything. 
After she died it was hard going the first Christmas Eve as my boyfriend and I had called it a day, so I spent it alone. A few years have passed now but I still miss going to "Mom's house" - but I don't miss the drive. 

Some years I decorate a lot, some years little if any. This is turning into one of those little years, I have some lights up and I'll pick up a pine or cedar wreath this weekend to have the fragrance in the house. There are some snow globes out,but I didn't put out everything I planned to. 

I won't be alone this year;friends have invited me to dinner on the 24th, then I'll go to a sisters for Christmas and on the 26th I'm attending a Boxing Day dinner, to which I was invited by my best friends Son as he considers me his honorary aunt. On the 27th I'll start to recover from three days of celebratory dinners!


----------



## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

I'll have 3 of the kids and one grandbaby at home for Christmas this year. I also have to work Christmas Eve and Christmas day but we've got our plans mostly laid out. I'm just excited to spend time with them. I'm not putting up and decorating the tree until Alice gets here next week


----------



## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Once you get to the point that you have enough money to just go and buy what you want gifts for a spouse seem hard to choose. We have not done any decoration so far, and our BIG family gathering was at Thanksgiving. The kids will have their kids at Christmas and we will join three sets of neighbors for Xmas dinner. We have two single daughters whose kids are grown, so one of them may join us at or before Xmas. Hard now to get excited about the holiday season.


----------



## dsmythe (Apr 21, 2013)

Wow! This is my first Christmas as a Widower..My wife of 49 years passed in July. Her birthday is the 23rd....I am already finding it difficult. I have a friend and her Mother who let me "hang Out " with them. She has not invited me so I will go to my son's house in Rome, GA for Christmas eve...then back home and to my Banjo Buddies home....she invited me and has a group of Mismatched friends who get together every year to eat and then listen to music by the host and 2 of her friends....I have not gotten this whole Single thing figured out in my mind and heart...I just don't know how to act.....It has not been long enough since my wife passed for anyone who I consider "date able" to want to go out with me....so I am just bidding my time....I am lonesome even though I have friends and family all around me...I have been through Grief Support at my Church....and am in counseling through a psychologist at my GPs Office.
How long is "Long Enough" to wait to start dating? I have no clue and would like some advice from this group...Please...I know I am NOT " over " my wife and do not want anything serious at all right now...but I just want to not be alone....I am very busy getting my house cleaned out...4 pick up truck loads so far. I am OK money wise...no debt so that is not a concern....just really feel like a little lost Pup....looking for something and doesn't even know what it is...Thank You In Advance....Dsmythe


----------



## geo in mi (Nov 14, 2008)

I am the "patriarch" of the family now by virtue of age and having outlasted the others. Christmas Eve Day the family comes here and brings the food.. We open presents, take pictures, and go to the Christmas Eve services, since I sing in the choir and it's mandatory. Then they bring me back home--and then my daughter comes to take me back to church a couple of hours later for the midnite services. I will come back home and watch the Pope and the services from the Vatican while having a glass of sherry.....

My rule: stay at home on Christmas morning--everybody. I use that part of the day to drink coffee and regain my sleep while watching all the various college choirs on public TV. I'll probably go over to my daughter's house in the afternoon/evening. I make sure to have clean sheets: when I wake up the next morning I will go to Meijer and marvel at how fast they have cleared out all the cheap, tawdry decorations(that didn't sell), the candy, and the gift sets of perfume, gloves, after shave, and holiday cookies--and moved in the plastic storage containers for "reorganizing January". 
Then I'll sigh,, realizing it's _over for another year_--and hope to find some more garden catalogs in my mailbox… I might even go online and order that B-29 I've been wanting to build.... 

geo


----------



## Esteban29304 (Apr 29, 2003)

I don't like Christmas and am glad when it is over !


----------



## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

the first Christmas alone is always the hardest Dsmythe. it will pass. I kept myself busy working at this and that. just don't rush into any relationships too quickly. I remarried in a year and regretted it. ~Georgia


----------



## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

Christmas Eve will be ham sandwiches at my house. DD and family will be here, DS will be out of state. Christmas Day is not planned yet. May go to Waco to half brother's house. Been doing that last 3 or 4 years. Gives my kids time to do with other side of family. 
Growing up, Momma's big family came here on Christmas Day, that stopped while I was in college and the cousins wanted to start their own traditions. Hurt Momma's and Dad's feelings as they always had big crowds for Christmas then it was just them and me. Then just them after I married and it was the odd Christmas that we were at her parents.


----------



## Kiamichi Kid (Apr 9, 2009)

The holidays have become "just another day" to me as I've spent the vast majority of them alone over the past 20 years .My sons and their families will be doing their own thing as they live some distance away. I should however get to see one of my sons and one granddaughter the day after Christmas.They'll be traveling through my area as he'll be picking her up for her holiday visit.


----------



## 101pigs (Sep 18, 2018)

Forcast said:


> Nope Nothing. My parents have passed. Kids do their own thing. I don't decorate anymore. Or cook hoilday meals. See no point.


Same here. Just happy when it all New Years day is over and i can start thinking about Spring and the warmer weather 
Just sprayed a Wasp in my house. Just don't know were it came from with this cool weather. May be a nest on second floor where the stove pipe runs. I know there are no nest on on first floor.


----------



## [email protected] (Sep 16, 2009)

when our oldest daughter was about 2 years old, she was sitting on the floor and suddenly started crying .
it was mid winter. right away we spotted a bee flying in the room. what had happened, in the fall our son found a bee hive and brought it into the house. when it got warmed, the bees came out..


----------



## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

DSmuythe; Been there, done that. That first year is tough, but as the seasons roll around you learn to live with it. You don't forget but you move on with your life. Start looking around next summer, give her things to the children, put away her pictures except for your favorite on the dresser or on the wall next to your bed. Then start looking around for a new life. Year two will be a little easier. If you marry again, put her picture away, not necessary to give it to the kids or throw it asway, just put it away somewhere.---no woman will want to compete wtih a ghost.


----------



## 101pigs (Sep 18, 2018)

dsmythe said:


> Wow! This is my first Christmas as a Widower..My wife of 49 years passed in July. Her birthday is the 23rd....I am already finding it difficult. I have a friend and her Mother who let me "hang Out " with them. She has not invited me so I will go to my son's house in Rome, GA for Christmas eve...then back home and to my Banjo Buddies home....she invited me and has a group of Mismatched friends who get together every year to eat and then listen to music by the host and 2 of her friends....I have not gotten this whole Single thing figured out in my mind and heart...I just don't know how to act.....It has not been long enough since my wife passed for anyone who I consider "date able" to want to go out with me....so I am just bidding my time....I am lonesome even though I have friends and family all around me...I have been through Grief Support at my Church....and am in counseling through a psychologist at my GPs Office.
> How long is "Long Enough" to wait to start dating? I have no clue and would like some advice from this group...Please...I know I am NOT " over " my wife and do not want anything serious at all right now...but I just want to not be alone....I am very busy getting my house cleaned out...4 pick up truck loads so far. I am OK money wise...no debt so that is not a concern....just really feel like a little lost Pup....looking for something and doesn't even know what it is...Thank You In Advance....Dsmythe



If you have hobby or interest in whatever use things you enjoy to fill your time. 
You have children visit them as much as possible. I keep all my kids photos and any art work they do posted on my walls. I have dated a few women over the past 20 years. Never got serious. I found out soon enough that no one could replace my Dear wife. My first Love. I have 4 nice photos of her from early on to the year she pasted away. I Keep them posted on the wall with the kids and other loved ones. I never hid any of my photos from my past and president family. My family and myself and wife are all artist. We love our art. NO one can really give you advise what to do. That is a personal matter. 
Good luck,
Gerold.


----------



## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

alida said:


> After my father died I always rented a car and went to Mom's home for Christmas Eve,sometimes alone, sometimes with other family,boyfriends etc, because she didn't like to be alone that evening. Driving to where I lived wasn't a option for her.
> Most of the rest of the clan would come on Christmas day itself,or over the next few days, and we'd all chip in to prepare everything.
> After she died it was hard going the first Christmas Eve as my boyfriend and I had called it a day, so I spent it alone. A few years have passed now but I still miss going to "Mom's house" - but I don't miss the drive.
> 
> ...


When my Dad passed away Christmas changed bigtime. He was Christmas. He always had a quest for something to find for someone. He gave gifts to everyone one girls at the bakery bank boys at the gas station ect. After he passed money got short and Mom just didnt do like Dad did. A check in an envelope that we never cashed because we knew it would make her budget too tight. So things changed over the 10 years she lived padt Dad. When she passed it all ended. Im 3 hours from my kids and they dont come up here and I dont go down. Mostly because of gas money but when I do it the same old thing they keep doing their own thing with little notice of me being in town. So I stopped. A few years back everyone said they were coming for Thanksgiving I counted pennys and got all the stuff. And they all changed their minds. Had 2 turkeys in the freezer in and out to defrost a few times before I chucked them over the cliff for the wild life this fall. Never again. If anyone shows they can find someplace open to get food in. Christmas for the grandkids is small thus year. Im mailing cards with some cash. Thats it. I use to enjoy shopping boxing and mailing the gifts but post office prices are more then the gifts so I stopped. And buying on line well I stopped that as well when my daughter in law said she donated the stuff I sent . So nope the holidays dont mean what they should anymore. They are not fun. Im happy for others that enjoy them and happy others have family to share them with.


----------



## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

I spend it now with GF as my family has observed Solstice and Yule festival which using the same decoration theme and aspects happens before Christmas.

When I first moved out, I decorated my apartment for the earlier Pagan observance and did as my parents and kept my decorations up and shared our Christian friends social events.

When married and now we have our Pagan observance with my family and then I share GF's Christmas holiday as both observances are one following the other and in the winter social gathering time.

I also buy gold foil wrapped chocolate Gelt coins to take to Jewish friends for them to give to their grandkids during their Hanukkah observance when invited to share a meal with them.

Regardless of our beliefs, this time of year all faiths have an observation and in the melting pot that is this continent, many social gatherings are interfaith based on friendships made and it is easy to accept each others observances, enjoy each others company and happiness, cultural differences while strengthening friendship and avoiding discord just by accepting and respecting each other as we all enjoy and share our difference amid the similar timing of our observances ith family and friends.


----------



## geo in mi (Nov 14, 2008)

The first Christmas get together was held in a well-manured donkey stable. The second one was spent in Egypt while all the children under two years of age back home were brutally slaughtered. There was no celebration for the next thirty years, and when it came about, the honored person was nailed to a Roman cross and left to die an excruciating death.

Over the many years now, on that evening when I have sung "Silent Night, Holy Night", I have sometimes stood there well fed and surrounded by family; but other times I have been hungry and nearly alone with my heart hurting. It just depends on the year in passing. But, the singing causes me to remember that, I have never been truly "alone", alone--or abandoned. And yes, I believe--thanks to that one who was born that night, in that donkey stall--there will come joy and feasting when we are reunited--never to be lonely again.

I have been there with you, and best wishes to anyone grieving this year.

geo


----------



## Miss Kay (Mar 31, 2012)

dsmythe, this has to be the hardest time of year for you. My nephew lost his wife quickly and expectantly a few years back, leaving him with two small boys to raise. He was so very lonely so when a nice lady from work began to come around, he welcomed it. They soon married and the nightmare began. It's been about 9 years now and he finally got out of that marriage and is dating a nice woman now but he's learned his lesson. He is not getting married any time soon. He admits he is still very much in love with his wife and always will be. That doesn't change because of death but he is alive and does not want to be alone. Keep your wife's memory close to your heart but don't forget to live. Get out and do something you love and you'll be around people who love the same things. In time maybe you'll find yourself feeling happy with a particular person and you can spend even more time with her. Our hearts are big enough to love again, otherwise we'd stop after the first child!


----------



## vickinell (Oct 10, 2003)

My daughters family came to my home for Thanksgiving so we go to her home for Christmas.
I haven’t put up a tree the last few years. I put up stockings, my nutcracker collection, my Christmas cards I receive hang on a ribbon with nutcracker paint wooden clothes pins. I set my table with my Christmas dishes. I have a count down for Christmas and New Year’s Eve snowman’ face calendar. I also put out a Christmas picture album with precious pictures from the past and the most recent pictures of my family and grandchildren and great grandchildren. They get more precious each year.


----------



## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

I am at home, in the same city as my siblings; where we were all born and raised. We all visit often, and this is definitely the best move of my life! I've put up a small Christmas tree, a small string of lights, have picked up a few small gifts, and have sent out a few Christmas cards. This will be a very, very good Christmas.


----------



## Lisa in WA (Oct 11, 2004)

dsmythe said:


> Wow! This is my first Christmas as a Widower..My wife of 49 years passed in July. Her birthday is the 23rd....I am already finding it difficult. I have a friend and her Mother who let me "hang Out " with them. She has not invited me so I will go to my son's house in Rome, GA for Christmas eve...then back home and to my Banjo Buddies home....she invited me and has a group of Mismatched friends who get together every year to eat and then listen to music by the host and 2 of her friends....I have not gotten this whole Single thing figured out in my mind and heart...I just don't know how to act.....It has not been long enough since my wife passed for anyone who I consider "date able" to want to go out with me....so I am just bidding my time....I am lonesome even though I have friends and family all around me...I have been through Grief Support at my Church....and am in counseling through a psychologist at my GPs Office.
> How long is "Long Enough" to wait to start dating? I have no clue and would like some advice from this group...Please...I know I am NOT " over " my wife and do not want anything serious at all right now...but I just want to not be alone....I am very busy getting my house cleaned out...4 pick up truck loads so far. I am OK money wise...no debt so that is not a concern....just really feel like a little lost Pup....looking for something and doesn't even know what it is...Thank You In Advance....Dsmythe


just realized you haven’t posted in a long while. I know it was a hard Christmas for you and I hope you weathered it okay.


----------



## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

dsmythe said:


> Wow! This is my first Christmas as a Widower..My wife of 49 years passed in July. Her birthday is the 23rd....I am already finding it difficult. I have a friend and her Mother who let me "hang Out " with them. She has not invited me so I will go to my son's house in Rome, GA for Christmas eve...then back home and to my Banjo Buddies home....she invited me and has a group of Mismatched friends who get together every year to eat and then listen to music by the host and 2 of her friends....I have not gotten this whole Single thing figured out in my mind and heart...I just don't know how to act.....It has not been long enough since my wife passed for anyone who I consider "date able" to want to go out with me....so I am just bidding my time....I am lonesome even though I have friends and family all around me...I have been through Grief Support at my Church....and am in counseling through a psychologist at my GPs Office.
> How long is "Long Enough" to wait to start dating? I have no clue and would like some advice from this group...Please...I know I am NOT " over " my wife and do not want anything serious at all right now...but I just want to not be alone....I am very busy getting my house cleaned out...4 pick up truck loads so far. I am OK money wise...no debt so that is not a concern....just really feel like a little lost Pup....looking for something and doesn't even know what it is...Thank You In Advance....Dsmythe


dsmythe,
Sorry that almost a month has passed since you posted this and I did intend to offer you a perspective but between my limited online time, multiple board jurisdictions and real world responsibilities, I never got back to this thread until now.

First, you don't have a "single thing to wrap your heart and mind around". You have a re-singled by widowed life as a widower laying ahead of you as proved by all the many forms doctor's offices have that list single , married , divorced, widowed and in some cases "other" (your guess as to what other means is as good as any I could think when I saw it on a form once ).

Next, you said you have emotional support through your church and GP's office. For now that is all you can do as you move ahead with your life as you look forward and remember the years behind all at the same time.

When folks wed in a church, the vows often include "till death do us part" and many folks take it that it means folks are married until their spouse passes away, but a local preacher and I agreed in discussing that once that what it really meant was when we lose a partner to death , a part of the surviving spouse passes with the one who has died. That is why a widow or widower leaves their spouse's graveside feeling as if a part of them has been cut off by a Civil War battlefield surgeon using a dull saw.

After the loss of that part that went with the spouse who passed, the survivor heals their part still here at the speed that gets them through today and ready to face tomorrow with their support system , grave visits and normal activities as they work their way through the phases of grieving at the pace right for them.

As far as how long is enough to wait to start dating, that is something you will know is right and odds are you may think your losing your mind thinking your departed wife is telling you it is time to start dating again but since she took that part of you with her so that both of you are still together on her side of the veil, she will also want to help you keep the part she left on this side alive , well and happy and will help you know when the time is right to date again.

Hang out and chat here, stick with your church and GP support network and don't be surprised if when your wife of all those years sees someone who can heal the part of you here , she tells you and the one she points out to you also understands and agrees with her. All you have to do is continue moving forward and as you begin socializing and dating again, don't rush anything and accept that the 49 years behind you and the future ahead are both a part of you and never compare one to the other as you remember and look ahead at the same time.


----------



## dsmythe (Apr 21, 2013)

Lisa, Shreik and all...Thank you for your words of encouragement I have had a Great Christmas time...family and friends have really stepped in to make it easier for me. I have felt Pangs of guilt...for having so much fun....Ellen, my wife never enjoyed Christmas, long story but she was raised in an orphanage and then a Wicked Step Mother treated her mean so there were NO presents for her, so we really never had what I would have called a Happy time....this year has been different and I have spent the bulk of it partying.....I am seeing a psychologist who is really helping.....Friday is my next appointment...I have been working out at the gym and doing repairs on my house that I could not do while my wife was still here...I was afraid to spend money that might have been needed for her care...that is all changed now and it is full steam ahead....staying busy has been my only goal....and it has been met many times....Gideons ministry, Jail ministry, caring for an elderly friend who had a stroke, working on getting her things desposed of in a timely manner so they would not be wasted....she had a LOT of clothes, projects and interests plus 1000s of books...all was given to a ladies homeless shelter to be sold in their Thrift store...other than what our 3 kids wanted that is....A good lady friend and I spent 3 Long days packing up, sorting and hauling all of her things and still I find more stuff packed in corners of the house...like an ongoing treasure hunt....I do have a lady friend who's mother is 92. They let me tag along with them to assist mama....she, my friend, is one whom I really like but she has no time for me because of the care of her mom....that is OK for now....I still have to wait anyway for my "Time to Be Up" before I start dating any way....they are just a Safe Place to be.....for now....I have gone out with a few "friends".....I just don't enjoy that much.....I am lonesome as Heck so I just go to be with a Lady type person....I can see God is working out all things but He sure knows how to keep a Secret too...thank you all for listening....I am really going to be OK....I can tell.....I feel the layers of stress from the past 19 years of my wifes's ill health just pealing away...Dsmythe


----------



## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Dsmythe, it sounds like you have most excellent friends!


----------



## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Dsmythe,
Glad that your moving forward at the pace that's right for you. Don't feel "guilty" if you think you feel happier than you think you should. Instead remember that you and your wife had many good times and she and you both knew you had differences but you matched your differences together as a whole with the glue of what attributes you shared and together had a full life together and that will always be part of you as you go through today and into tomorrow.


----------

