# Perfect partner



## bstuart29 (Jul 11, 2006)

*Always remember that you can never find a perfect partner to love you the way you wanted, only a person whoâs willing to love you more than what you are. Someone whoâll accept you for what you can and canât be. And thatâs even better than perfect.*

We were talking about perfect partners on another thread then I saw this quote on fb and think it really hit the nail on the head. I think a lot of time we look for a perfect partner especially for us who have failed at relationships in our lives. I think we use it as a excuse sometimes perhaps afraid of getting hurt or perhaps afraid to look within and see we are part of the problem and need to change. When ya get down to it looking for perfection only leads you to a lonely life.


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## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

Sorry but I want someone to love me for who I am. I want that person to encourage me to be more than I think I can be and rejoice when I reach above what I believe is possible. I want someone who will pick me up when I fall, kiss my boo boos and make me believe, because it's true, that they will are there for me always. 

That isn't perfection but the definition of a friend.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

Correct. There is no such thing as a perfect partner. Having standards is good but having unrealistic expectations will leave you single for life.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Kiss your BOO BOOS?????????????????HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM


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## Guest (Jul 11, 2013)

"Perfect for me"...
A man who shares ALL of my ethics and morals.. A man who doesn't see devotion to God as a weakness.. A man who is loving, kind, patient, and hysterically funny and incredibly sexy...A man who thinks I'm all that and a bag of chips...
That's who I waited for, and that's who I'm with 

I highly recommend not settling for less on the "must haves" and when you find perfect for you, ignore the little things that truly mean nothing in the long run.


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

Blushing... And I am BLESSED as well!!!


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## summerdaze (Jun 11, 2009)

katydidagain said:


> Sorry but I want someone to love me for who I am. I want that person to encourage me to be more than I think I can be and rejoice when I reach above what I believe is possible. I want someone who will pick me up when I fall, kiss my boo boos and make me believe, because it's true, that they will are there for me always.
> 
> That isn't perfection but the definition of a friend.


Sounds like the definition of Mother to me.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

*Perfect *

1. *conforming** absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal **type*: a perfect sphere; a perfect gentleman. 

2. *excellent** or complete beyond practical or theoretical **improvement*: There is no perfect legal code. The proportions of this temple are almost perfect. 

3. *exactly** fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain **purpose*: a perfect actor to play Mr. Micawber; a perfect saw for cutting out keyholes. 

4. *entirely** without any flaws, defects, or **shortcomings*: a perfect apple; the perfect crime. 

5. *accurate,** exact, or correct in every **detail*: a perfect copy.

Only One is perfect.

If one 'waits' for their 'perfect mate' the wait time will be determined by their personal definition of 'perfect'. 
What is 'perfect' to Lady A, might not be 'perfect' to Gentleman B, and so on.

I am a firm believer in never settling.
If there is something in a relationship that just doesn't sit well with you, date a little longer, talk to the other person about it, talk to others.
It may be that you are being neurotic.
It may be a sign that he is really Ted Bundy.

So if he doesn't load the dishwasher the same way as you, and this is the only thing that drives you crazy? Stop being neurotic.
If he treats the waitress like crap and talks to her and treats her like a dog? Get your Nike's on and start running.....
Does she 'smile and act all pleasant' to someones face, and as soon as they walk away, she's tearing them to shreds? Um yeah, don't think you're special; you're next. Run
Does she wait until her hairbrush is over flowing before she pulls the dead hair out and throws it in the trash and that makes you insane? Stop being neurotic.

Dig deep.
Ask those deep questions.
Lots and lots of eye contact.
If it's too go to be true, good chances are that it's too good to be true.
BUT on that off chance that it's real.......dig deep.
Get to know, I mean KNOW the other person.
Know their family, their friends, their co-workers.

My personal idea of perfection may seem 'unachievable' and silly to some.
To others, they will say 'wow, she's easy to please'.

Talk it out with others, let them be honest with you if your 'perfection' is unrealistic or you are just not looking in the right places!!


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

katydidagain said:


> Sorry but I want someone to love me for who I am.


 Unconditional Love 


> I want that person to encourage me to be more than I think I can be and rejoice when I reach above what I believe is possible.


 Someone who 'completes' you


> I want someone who will pick me up when I fall, kiss my boo boos and make me believe, because it's true, that they will are there for me always.


 Someone who loves you so much they hurt, when you hurt, and they want to do whatever it takes to see that smile that lights the lamp of their heart.



summerdaze said:


> Sounds like the definition of Mother to me.


Nope that sounds like Agape Love.


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Close enough to perfect is working fine for me.

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVivkbmu3To[/ame]


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

LOL lol


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

We all know that no one is perfect.....it's just a matter of looking at the differences between you and deciding which of these differences you can live with...and what things are definate "deal breakers".....If there are no "deal breakers" then this person is perfect for you...the good stuff like common interest and compatability is just the "icing on the cake"....


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Jus kidding when I say, (I see the flavors of your iceing are different than mine )lol


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

LOL...I guess you are right Bill...LOL...


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## lexa (Mar 30, 2012)

I see a perfect partner as someone who is willing to put aside his/her hurt to accept your sincere apologies and move on towards common goals.


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## GarlicGirl (Mar 12, 2010)

I never looked for the perfect partner, just someone I knew would always have my back. Sounds simple - it wasn't.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Yeah, somma these guys aren't interested in yer backs, near as much as yer fronts lol


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## GarlicGirl (Mar 12, 2010)

Icky, Bill.


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

FarmboyBill said:


> Yeah, somma these guys aren't interested in yer backs, near as much as yer fronts lol


not me...chests are ok.......but truth is its the grey mater between the ears.


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## skeeter (Mar 23, 2013)

Well I have found that there is not many in the potential mate pool at my age...so thinking I may just have to finish out the rest on my own

Nice to hear that some men actually prefer a woman for something besides what they look like...thanks


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## bstuart29 (Jul 11, 2006)

GarlicGirl said:


> Icky, Bill.


Are you really surprised Bill would something as immature as that


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## Marshloft (Mar 24, 2008)

Its not about perfection really.
It is however about ones faults. Can those faults be looked at as beauty marks?
What sets that person apart from the next?
Some peoples faults can be irritating and downright grinding on another person.
Whereas if one can see the beauty in ones faults, it can be harmonizing.
Just sayin


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## Vickie44 (Jul 27, 2010)

I like nice, happy, curious, hard working people who are enjoying their days( the good and the bad ) . For some reason seems difficult to find in my age group.

The only notion of perfect that I have left is seeing the light that comes from a zest for living in anothers eyes.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

I think the perfect partner for me is the man who can love me the way I need to be loved along with how he loves, and allows me to love him the way I love. He's also patient, forgiving and open while we teach each other how to love. Oh yeah, that trust and respect thing.

I think I need to change my signature line again.

"The rocks in his head fit the holes in my head."


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

bstuart29 said:


> Are you really surprised Bill would something as immature as that


I'll show some of my immaturity here...If you're not attracted to the front, what makes you think you'll be attracted to the back? It's the whole deal or nothing, to me!


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

littlejoe said:


> I'll show some of my immaturity here...If you're not attracted to the front, what makes you think you'll be attracted to the back? It's the whole deal or nothing, to me!


 
Ohhhhhhh...someone is going to get busted! (get it...."bust"ed!!!)

A little immaturity goes a long way, LJ!!! :happy2:


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

So, I should be satisfied with really nard hipples?


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

I see "not many in my age group, area, etc...." listed in many posts about potential partners.

It only takes one.

Dont try so hard. Look at new peiple you meet as hunans, someone to get to know and appreciate.

Open your mind and throw away your lists. Maybe you dont know wgat you want.

I see so nsny people say they must have this, cant have that. Its all bs.

I got news for ya. You aint perfect, and nobody else is either.


We're all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn't. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.&#8221;

&#8213; Charles Bukowski


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## coolrunnin (Aug 28, 2010)

wise words mick.


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## bowdonkey (Oct 6, 2007)

The perfect woman or women for me would be a rich, sterile, orphan. I know, I'm a bit fussy.


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## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

bowdonkey said:


> The perfect woman or *women* for me would be a rich, sterile, orphan. I know, I'm a bit fussy.


Kinky.


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## skeeter (Mar 23, 2013)

mickm said:


> I see "not many in my age group, area, etc...." listed in many posts about potential partners.
> 
> It only takes one.
> 
> ...


Well seems I keep meeting men that think I can afford them...gold diggers...lol...I don't want to be someone's retirement plan or the answer to the problems that they have created in their life..sure don't like feeling used....I'm not looking for perfect just someone that is right for me....I know I'm not perfect...far from it

Nothing like meeting a guy and he wants to move right in since his other girlfriend is kicking him out....hmmmm....maybe I just keep being in the wrong place at the wrong time


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

As the ole song says,
mighta been the right place,
justa at the wrong time lol


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

My list is very short. He must be local, already living and loving the country lifestyle and he MUST be KIND. These are my non-negotiable requirements.

It really isn't that hard to weed out the douchebags. All you have to do is set your boundaries, let them be known and enforce them. Good men step up, douchebags avoid you. ("It's okay to be an A-Hole, but you're not allowed to be an A-Hole to me.)

Ladies, instead of worrying about all the Takers out there, simply stop GIVING to them. They go away. Let those stray dogs wander down the road for stupid women to drag home. Don't accept poor treatment. 

I think it was Little Joe who pointed out men will put as little effort into it as they can get away with. He's right. If a man is serious about wanting a relationship with you, he'll work for it. He may not know what to do, but he'll TRY. You can suggest to a man things that will please you. If he cares, he will knock himself out!

We want trust and respect, and we want to trust and respect our man. We all want love and to be loved. That is the Cake, with double chocolate frosting. How do we get there? It starts with self-respect.

I don't accept late night phone calls or last minute dates. I wouldn't allow that for my daughters, it's not acceptable for me. Oh, I have no problem telling a man I won't date him after he blows up my phone with aggressive neediness.

I'm on Indian Time so I'm not fond of Clock Nazis, but hours late or a complete blow-off without notice, or worse, ragging me for being a couple minutes late....Buh-bye. I do make an effort to be punctual and call if it's more than 10 minutes. But that's me. Your mileage may vary.

He "forgets" things that are important to you and uses excuses like, "I'm not into that." Yet he gets his nose tweaked if you don't remember and acknowledge his important stuff.

He doesn't care to clean up his bad language around you, your friends and family. Especially intolerable are terms degrading to women.

Here's #1 thrill killer and puts men on immediate ignore. Sexual innuendo. It is not sexy, it is not flirty. It's creepy and disrespectful any time, any place before there is an intimate bedroom relationship. Do this and there will never be a relationship, not even friendship, not allowed in my space.

I am not beautiful, I am not wealthy and I have "baggage," but I sure as heck am not desperate enough for male attention that I'd put up with their crap. I've had my fill of that. Life is too short to waste a minute on feeling bad because of other people's BS.

The world is full of beautiful, loving, caring people. Some of them are Men. 

---Laura, now practicing what I've been preaching to my teen daughters since 1997.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Laura said:


> My list is very short. He must be local, already living and loving the country lifestyle and he MUST be KIND. These are my non-negotiable requirements.
> 
> It really isn't that hard to weed out the douchebags. All you have to do is set your boundaries, let them be known and enforce them. *Good men step up, douchebags avoid you.* ("It's okay to be an A-Hole, but you're not allowed to be an A-Hole to me.)
> 
> Ladies, instead of worrying about all the Takers out there, *simply stop GIVING to them. They go away.* Let those stray dogs wander down the road for stupid women to drag home. Don't accept poor treatment.


Preach it girl.
No, they are not all dogs.
I am raising an AMAZING young man.



> I think it was Little Joe who pointed out men will put as little effort into it as they can get away with. He's right. If a man is serious about wanting a relationship with you, he'll work for it. He may not know what to do, but he'll TRY. You can suggest to a man things that will please you. If he cares, he will knock himself out!


Amen and that goes the same for women!



> We want trust and respect, and we want to trust and respect our man. We all want love and to be loved. That is the Cake, with double chocolate frosting. How do we get there? It starts with self-respect.
> 
> I don't accept late night phone calls or last minute dates. I wouldn't allow that for my daughters, it's not acceptable for me. Oh, I have no problem telling a man I won't date him after he blows up my phone with aggressive neediness.


If men do not have the ability to plan.....the saying goes: Fail to plan? Plan to fail.



> I'm on Indian Time so I'm not fond of Clock Nazis, but hours late or a complete blow-off without notice, or worse, ragging me for being a couple minutes late....Buh-bye. I do make an effort to be punctual and call if it's more than 10 minutes. But that's me. Your mileage may vary.
> 
> He "forgets" things that are important to you and uses excuses like, "I'm not into that." *Yet he gets his nose tweaked if you don't remember and acknowledge his important stuff*.


The old saying "he's just not that into you" rings true and it only takes a couple times to know it!!



> He doesn't care to clean up his bad language around you, your friends and family. Especially intolerable are terms degrading to women.


Disrespect like that is the tip that sinks the whole boat.



> Here's #1 thrill killer and puts men on immediate ignore. Sexual innuendo. It is not sexy, it is not flirty. It's creepy and disrespectful any time, any place before there is an intimate bedroom relationship. Do this and there will never be a relationship, not even friendship, not allowed in my space.


Here's your sign! 
I would prefer for all those signs up front, please!



> I am not beautiful, I am not wealthy and I have "baggage," but I sure as heck am not desperate enough for male attention that I'd put up with their crap. I've had my fill of that. Life is too short to waste a minute on feeling bad because of other people's BS.
> 
> The world is full of beautiful, loving, caring people. Some of them are Men.
> 
> ---Laura, now practicing what I've been preaching to my teen daughters since 1997.


Dang this was a great post.

How do you feel about the book called "Boundaries"?


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

I'm using the books, "Boundaries" and "Safe People" as part of Independent Living Skills curriculum for DD. As an isolated Golden Child in a BPD whackfamily, and having autism, these are important skills for her to learn.

I was given the Boundaries books many years ago, but as you and I know, boundaries do not work if you are not willing to enforce them. I was married to a boundary buster who took measures to ensure I could not set or enforce any, and was punished if I tried.

Before then, I was very good at boundaries. Growing up in snow camps, cow camps, logging camps and fish camps, then buying a logger/cowboy/Indian/biker bar at 23 taught me a lot about setting and enforcing boundaries, and not waiting until I was ready to explode before speaking up. I am "Drunk Blunt" when I need to be.

I'll take a moment for that now. You are raising amazing sons, but what kind of sons is your husband raising?


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

ha ha!
dh was a buddy, he was in it for the 'fun' parts, but never involved in the deep stuff.
that's his MO.
If it's fun, he's in, if it's work, he's out.
Only one boy, I have 2 girls


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

skeeter said:


> Well seems I keep meeting men that think I can afford them...gold diggers...lol...I don't want to be someone's retirement plan or the answer to the problems that they have created in their life..sure don't like feeling used....I'm not looking for perfect just someone that is right for me....I know I'm not perfect...far from it
> 
> Nothing like meeting a guy and he wants to move right in since his other girlfriend is kicking him out....hmmmm....maybe I just keep being in the wrong place at the wrong time



Find ya a hillbilly!

Not everyone cares about money, it just seems that way.


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## swamp man (Dec 25, 2005)

bstuart29 said:


> Are you really surprised Bill would something as immature as that


Nope.
Ain't surprised that you'd jump at the chance to point it out, either.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

swamp man said:


> Nope.
> Ain't surprised that you'd jump at the chance to point it out, either.


 As long as y'all ain't quoting him when he's called out, as that totally defeats the ignore feature.


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## swamp man (Dec 25, 2005)

Laura said:


> My list is very short.


In comparison to what?


> He must be local, already living and loving the country lifestyle and he MUST be KIND. These are my non-negotiable requirements.
> 
> It really isn't that hard to weed out the douchebags. All you have to do is set your boundaries, let them be known and enforce them. Good men step up, douchebags avoid you. ("It's okay to be an A-Hole, but you're not allowed to be an A-Hole to me.)
> 
> ...


I ain't a listologist, but that seems long (ish).
...especially for a man who is already living the life. What motivation does he have to work towards ditching what HE has so that you can suck all the fun out of everything? 
Put away the iron fist, darlin'....Relax, and be sweet. When he turns up, ya' might just find yourself in love.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

swamp man said:


> In comparison to what?
> 
> I ain't a listologist, but that seems long (ish).
> ...especially for a man who is already living the life. What motivation does he have to work towards ditching what HE has so that you can suck all the fun out of everything?
> Put away the iron fist, darlin'....Relax, and be sweet. When he turns up, ya' might just find yourself in love.


 Well HunnyBuns, he's too busy with his own country life, workin' under the hot sun cuttin' hay, playin' with his cows, repairing barns, shouting at farm hands, pouring concrete, throwing roofs on houses and feathering his nest to be getting under my feet and dishing me crap.

At the end of the day he's all tired and sweaty and happy when I show up with a smile to tell him how wonderful it all is, and how wonderful,clever and talented he is as I mix his drink and make his snack before we settle to watch concrete cure or the pasture grow and discuss the next great project ideas he thinks up. He even picks my brain and asks for my opinions. I think he loves being inspired by me. 

We don't give each other a bunch of crap because neither of us like DRAMA or BS. It doesn't belong in a relationship built with Trust and Respect.

True story, Hunny Buns. Real relationships take work to build and Real Men don't find it "fun" to disrespect and suck the assets out of women.


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## bowdonkey (Oct 6, 2007)

I could run with this topic, but why get all you ladies upset. Swampman being called honeybuns though has made the reading worthwhile. LMAO!


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## bstuart29 (Jul 11, 2006)

The point of the read and the quote I referred to is perhaps we need to rethink what criteria we are looking for and being willing to compromise on some things. Yes have deal breakers but if ya think you will find everything you want in a mate that most of the time isn't realistic. Sometimes we(me included) don't want to look within and consider part of the problem is us not willing to change and understand maybe we are part of the reason relationships haven't work out. Perhaps instead of having a long list of what a person must have we should concentrate on what we have to offer to another person. 
On the topic someone brought on on a mate having to already living the homesteading lifestyle, I think what ya do then is potentially miss out on many good possible people just because they may not being living the lifestyle at the moment. There could be many reasons whey they are homesteading fulltime, perhaps the better way would look for people interested in homesteading then ya could weed out the ones as ya went along that were just wantbees. There are many here in st that aren't living on a homestead that are really into homesteading and want that lifestyle so just don't exclude someone because of that idea.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

When I usta haunt for wimmins, Id say in my ads that, they needed to have forgot more about homesteading/gardening/farming than I know. They didn't have to have a homestead, garden, as in a REAL 100sq garden OR a farm. Just to know that they KNOW about those things would have bean enuf fur me


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## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

In the only add i had on the home fir crazies, POF, i said a woman must be to pee outside.

Finding somone has more to do eith you, then someone else.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

I think it's appropriate if you are in the dreaming and planning stage of homesteading to pair with someone on the same plane. Some couples are perfectly happy to spend their entire lives sitting in the suburbs planning their dream homestead.

As one who's always been "out here doing it" I've watched people come and go as their experiments in lifestyle failed, their relationships failed and one or both fled back to town where life is familiar. I'm 55 years old, my heart can't afford to be someone's experiment in lifestyle again. I appreciate the wonderful men who show interest but walk away when they learn I heat with wood.

I think my list is quite different than the one I had the last time I was single. Looks and high intelligence were important then. Character and heart matter now.

Yes, it is important to realistically assess what we have to offer in a relationship. I have nothing of value for townie or city men beyond arm ornament and delightful dinner companion. They don't appreciate a woman who can dress out a deer with a pocket knife while wearing a dress. That scares them.

Besides my lifetime of acquiring and practicing country skills, I think the quality the wonderful men in my life value most is my ability to keep smiling, shut up and walk away.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I think your absolutely spot on Laura, and I think there would be a lot less failures in relationships IF what you said, everybody applied to themselves and their SOs. I think that we need to be practicing that much more so than townies. They have a much wider spectrum of activities, and interests that are dooled out to keep them satisfied and quiet, and ready for work the next day. Ours are way more narrowed, and to be a success in them, we need to keep it that way. I THINK.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Laura said:


> I
> Yes, it is important to realistically assess what we have to offer in a relationship. I have nothing of value for townie or city men beyond arm ornament and delightful dinner companion. They don't appreciate a woman who can dress out a deer with a pocket knife while wearing a dress. *That scares them*.


Yes, yes it does. Or at least go  before they turn tail.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> I think it's appropriate if you are in the dreaming and planning stage of homesteading to pair with someone on the same plane.


Noooo .... I tried that, and 5 years in, he decided he wanted to move back to town. :help:

I decided I was never going to get the rug pulled out from under me again, so my next husband was a total city guy. I figured I'd have as much farm as I could handle by myself ... but that was no fun!

DBF has been living the homesteading life longer than I have ... all of his life, practically. It's such a relief to be with someone who wants the same things I do!


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

WhyNot said:


> Yes, yes it does. Or at least go  before they turn tail.


 That look EXACTLY! Followed by guppy and stutter as they back away to feel safe enough to turn tail and RUN!!!!

Fine with me. I don't have to share.


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## BlueRose (Mar 7, 2013)

I just want someone that 'sees' me not the scars. Someone who wants to live the 'homesteading' lifestyle. Doesn't mind having to do 90% of the 'hard' work on days that I am in so much pain I can't get up without help. Who is okay with me getting up at 1 am and going out to garden because I am not hurting. Who will let me do 90% of the 'hard' work on days that I can.

I know crazy right.


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## swamp man (Dec 25, 2005)

Laura said:


> I think it's appropriate if you are in the dreaming and planning stage of homesteading to pair with someone on the same plane. Some couples are perfectly happy to spend their entire lives sitting in the suburbs planning their dream homestead.
> 
> As one who's always been "out here doing it" I've watched people come and go as their experiments in lifestyle failed, their relationships failed and one or both fled back to town where life is familiar. I'm 55 years old, my heart can't afford to be someone's experiment in lifestyle again. I appreciate the wonderful men who show interest but walk away when they learn I heat with wood.
> 
> ...


The long-windedness of your total crock of dookie dont make it all that impressive. Being called "honeybuns" does though, especially when you're showcasing your superpowers of irritability.

Your patronizing wordiness might be part of what helps you to repel men, but it AIN'T 'cuz they're intimidated that you can dress out a deer, which ain't all that hard, anyway.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

swamp man said:


> The long-windedness of your total crock of dookie dont make it all that impressive. Being called "honeybuns" does though, especially when you're showcasing your superpowers of irritability.
> 
> Your patronizing wordiness might be part of what helps you to repel men, but it AIN'T 'cuz they're intimidated that you can dress out a deer, which ain't all that hard, anyway.


 Feel free to use the ignore feature, Party Boy. Pop a cold one for us, being dry isn't working for you.


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## swamp man (Dec 25, 2005)

Laura said:


> Feel free to use the ignore feature, Party Boy. Pop a cold one for us, being dry isn't working for you.


Lol.
See?...there's that foul, "holier than thou" attitude that will assure you of being a lonely, old wench for the duration of your miserable days.
I don't use the the ignore feature (because I'm not an emotional cripple), and I haven't been the "Party Boy" for a long, long time. As for popping a top, that's something I deal with on my own, but if it offers you opportunity to show what kind of person you are by flailing for a low blow, it was worth going to rehab and all that crap, so......you're welcome.
The point I was trying to make is that your fairy tale man, a man smart and capable, probably already has his own gig going on, and absolutely, positively AIN'T going to adhere to your goofy whims.....besides, being a derned genius and all, he's got sense enough to see you for what you are and keep on movin' down the line for a lady that's pleasant to be around and not so full of herself.
Your estimate of "townies", or whatever you choose to label non-homesteaders, is an opinion so very skewed that it can only come from a lack of life experience and nurtured from too much time on HT. People who live in town know what means to build stuff and get the job done, too...how, exactly, do you think all those skyscrapers, roads, bridges, and automobiles got there, lady? It warn't magic.


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

I applaud you Laura, on your backbone and unwillingness to waiver from your goals. That is admirable.

However, I have read what you write here for a while without much comment. Perhaps it is that âsentimental bsâ portion of me that simply oftentimes lets things lie.

I really donât know Swamp Man from Adamâs house cat, but I do have respect for anyone who tries to overcome an addiction and understand fully the difficulties involved in tackling that task.

And I donât think itâs the fact that you can drywall while rocking a size 4 cocktail dress, nor the fact that you can process a deer in a dress that scares men off. But Iâm not a man so what do I know.

If you think you are the only person who ever suffered at the hands of a mentally ill partner here on this board, you are dead wrong.

What I will say is this: There are times when you make me ashamed to share your gender for fear that men will judge the other homesteading women here by your example. And while I am not a Christian, I wonder what others may think about them too, if this is the example you set in that light as well.

I remember you recounting a while back how the local women treated you in the past, and your dismissal of them as just a âshrew crew.â I suggest you look up the definition of shrew to acquaint yourself with its meaning a bit more.

I seriously doubt that


Laura said:


> snip
> I think the quality the wonderful men in my life value most is my ability to keep smiling, shut up and walk away.


 this is an ability of yours, for if it were indeed a quality you possessed, then prior to posting such a hateful and mean spirited post, you surely would have practiced it. 

I wish you well on your venture, but sometimes I simply have to call certain things as I see them, and that post was totally uncalled for and a complete disregard of another human being in one of the lowest ways possible to express oneself.

~ST


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

A homesteader flat out does not get as much done if they are working outside alone!

Then again, it is pretty cool when he comes home at night. 

Sometimes opposites attract and sometimes they do not, but a relationship can be built with an opposite! It takes a lot of compromising where labor is involved, but it can be done.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Folks, we are under new management, but the guiding principle of "be nice" has NOT changed. 

People can dream of what makes up their perfect partner, and if you disagree please "be nice" about it. By the same token, if a person does not want a partner from the city that is their own business, but out of consideration for the people on HT who *DO* live in the city, they must "be nice" about it!


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## Guest (Jul 22, 2013)

I' ve been on HT 14 years and I cannot recall anyone posting such a nasty subversive demeaning comment as did Laura to Swampman aka Nick.. Low blow indeed and totally uncalled for.. 

Bad form...


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

ST and BL, so very well put! Thank you for saying it so much better then what I would have.

And Nick, I've popped a cold Dr. Pepper in salute to you.


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## swamp man (Dec 25, 2005)

Simmer down, Terri....'taint nothin' come down to a wigsnatchin' just yet.
I ain't got the first problem with the lovely Laura. She's a sharp cookie, a solid match to some downhome verbal sparring, and it helps my self esteem to occasionally use big words and all. I thank she just needs a l'il kiss. 
I do have a problem with the city-vs-countryfolk thing, though. 
I have lived all over our awesome country, in the boonies, in town, in the ghetto, and everywhere in between. People just ain't as different as what we romanticize. I have met and gotten to know city folks who are absolute dynamos of problem solving, and met country folk who are on acreage but still can't figure out how to grow a tomato. I spent january and febuary of last year in Iowa with an amazing lady who is doing amazing things with a small, in-town lot, and her accomplishments (not including me) far outweigh the accomplishments of most who are on acreage.
Point being....let's don't none of us sell ourselves short on anything, ever, nor throw the crookeye to someone because the fertile fields they're chasin' are inside the city limits.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Thank you for your graciousness, Swamp man. I figured long ago a man will use the familiarity, "Darlin'" when he wants to play. I've been spending a lot of time down at Recovery Fish Camp, The Last Resort as a support non where the men riff low and hit hard. They'll call me darling, pull me in and away we roll. Then all smiling and laughing we collapse by the campfire, they light their cigarettes and exclaim, "Dang that was GOOD!" We have the emotionally intimate conversations. Nobody needs to hide behind skirts.

I don't play that way with women, even the women who can play with men. I don't play that way with men I have or want to have a serious relationship with. Only with Buds.

I'm not saying city guys or townies are no good. They are people of high value, a vast talent pool and some really great guys. There are also plenty of women better suited to them than I, who enjoy the same kinds of social entertainments as they. With me they grow uneasy, I grow bored. It's a cultural thing. Since I'm not in any danger of running out of single men living between the top of the prairie to the mouth of the river, I don't need to tap the townies.

I'm sure I'll be properly kissed within the next day or so after Hayseed gets the last of the hay put in the barns. Those fields are 15 miles away and he's not coming home at night. He comes out early in the morning to check the cattle. I took him a raspberry cobbler to share with the crew one misty morning thinking we could get a quick kiss, but he had a small work crew going. No kisses for me!

Back to fishing, picking berries and dancing with the Indians in the Canadian mist. 

Remember Swamp Man, if you don't work the program, it won't work for you.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> Remember Swamp Man, if you don't work the program, it won't work for you.


Condescending much?


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