# This is going to seem odd ...



## PrettyPaisley (May 18, 2007)

I've lost about 30 pounds since my highest a couple years ago right after DD2 was born. It was totally from a strict diet of limited simple carbs and yoga. After the stress of moving over the past year or so I figure I gained 15 of if back but now I've lost that and intend to keep losing the same way-I figure I can stand to lose another 20 more to get down to a healthy -albeit not my high school weight.  I actually think I lost this bit because of warm weather (finally) and hard work outside ! 

The thing is - I am uncomfortable emotionally on this journey. I love how all my clothes are too big - but at the same time feel this odd vulnerability. Instead of looking in the mirror and feeling thrilled I am pulling up my britches and tightening my belt and feeling unsafe. 

What in the world is that all about ??? 22 years ago at 24 I would go all day long without eating just to be skinny and feel light headed. I'm too old for that nonsense now but what causes me to feel so much discomfort with point weight now?


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Perhaps, it is fear of failure. Fear of hitting your goal and then losing it by regaining the weight


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## Wolfy-hound (May 5, 2013)

You should think about WHY you want to be thinner. Is it to seem prettier? To be healthier? To look better to others? To attract your mate? To show up those girls at the store? 

You could be afraid that by being thinner people will treat you as they did when you were a teen... (being similar physically can make you feel that way mentally) and subconsciously fear losing power in your life. You are a mother and a adult now, and maybe you think you'll be treated differently?

It could be that when you were heavier you didn't have to worry about failing in your weight loss goals. Or that you would gain that goal then lose it again by regaining the weight. Maybe you don't quite know what you want to look like yet, what you would wear, what your routine might be and that uncertainty is feeling like fear? 

There's a million reasons to feel any certain way.. it's very difficult to figure out WHY. If you have access to a counselor, it may well be worth a couple visits.


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## DarleneJ (Jan 29, 2012)

Body image and identity are two things that stand out to me when I read your post.

Just because people grow older doesn't mean they have confidence in who they are or even know who they are beyond what they do. That is why so many men have difficulty when they lose a job. They're identity was wrapped up in their work and they enter a crisis of identity when that changed.

You can probably easily describe yourself as a youth (thin, pretty, etc.), as a daughter, sister, wife, mother - but beyond all those things who are you (not a list of what you do.) If you can't list off 20 things fairly easily, you may not really be confident in who you are as an individual.

The wearing of larger clothes, may be an attempt to hide that insecurity if it is not motivated from comfort.

Look. You're in progress. You won't be a better person because you are thin, you will just be a thinner you. 

Even a comment about how if you lost all the weight you still wouldn't have your HS body is telling. If there is any truth to that, please evaluate that thought and decide whether it is something you should compare yourself to or not. You're a grown woman now who has born children. If you don't take care of yourself, you won't do well taking care of your family.

Be kind to yourself. Personally, I think you're doing great getting the weight off. Keep at it and you'll reach your goal. Hugs.


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

Do you know your feel good weight? I think we all have one. I am at my feel good weight where I have a little fuel if I miss a meal by an hour or so, but that I am not so heavy that I am sluggish. Before my last physical, I worked to put on a couple of lbs. because I felt underweight. The Nurse said that the Dr. said that the chart said I was six lbs. over.  I try now to stay inbetween the chart weight and my feel good weight. If you are uncomfortable where you are, the left half is not open with the right half. You may knowsomething. In my head, the two orbs are always arguing about something but can comprimise often. Try to get there and get rid of the 80 percent of the stuff in your closet that you don't wear and treat yourself to a few new classics that you will wear that fit and flatter the real you and will never go out of style. It is necessary.


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## ChristieAcres (Apr 11, 2009)

My comfort weight is a size range, not based on actually a pound weight. That does have relevance, but only as it pertains to muscle mass relating to my size. I have worn the same size of clothing for most of my life (5 to 6 and I am small boned). That said, I had once suddenly put on 20#s. It wasn't the weight that bothered me, but the idea I couldn't wear my clothing that was the problem! I changed the way I ate, lost the weight, could wear my clothes again, so that problem was solved. A byproduct was feeling better, too. Others told me I was more attractive when I lost the weight, but I didn't feel any differently about myself. Being healthy, fit, and staying within my size range is all that matters to me. We are all built differently, so our sizes and weights will differ.

You may feel vulnerable due to drawing more attention to yourself, perhaps? I hadn't noticed a difference in the attention I received until after I had gained and then lost that weight. I am married, so don't desire getting attention from other men. When I am out by myself in public, I tend to dress more conservatively for that reason.


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## emdeengee (Apr 20, 2010)

Often it is the fear of failure but it is also often the thought that you have to be on guard all the time - worrying about what you eat in case you put weight back on. If you concentrate on just the health aspect of the food you eat then this ,along with portion control, will make you comfortable with your food. 

Often people use their extra weight as an insulator against the world. When you are fat you are quite invisible to most of the world. This gives you a false sense of security. People do not treat you the same and if you have insecurites about dealing with attention then weight loss can really enhance them. 

When I was young I received more than my fair share of attention from men and women. The weight I put on in my forties was a blessing. But I lost it for health reasons and had to deal with the attention again. It was actually easier because I developed a healthy contempt for those who did not pay attention to me when I was fat but were all over me when I was thin.


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## PrettyPaisley (May 18, 2007)

emdeengee said:


> Often it is the fear of failure but it is also often the thought that you have to be on guard all the time - worrying about what you eat in case you put weight back on. If you concentrate on just the health aspect of the food you eat then this ,along with portion control, will make you comfortable with your food.
> 
> Often people use their extra weight as an insulator against the world. When you are fat you are quite invisible to most of the world. This gives you a false sense of security. People do not treat you the same and if you have insecurites about dealing with attention then weight loss can really enhance them.
> 
> When I was young I received more than my fair share of attention from men and women. The weight I put on in my forties was a blessing. But I lost it for health reasons and had to deal with the attention again. It was actually easier because I developed a healthy contempt for those who did not pay attention to me when I was fat but were all over me when I was thin.


I think I figured it out. While I do notice that I am back to getting a lot more attention now (just little things-like a cute guy came walking through the parking lot at TSC today to take my buggy back into the store, silly stuff like that)-I am still old. So I think that maybe this has less to do with 20-30# and more to do with 20+ years.  I could always use the excuse "Well I'm old and fat" but now I'm just old. And I can't fix that. 

Thanks for the insight.


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## PrettyPaisley (May 18, 2007)

PS: But I did toss the clothes that were too big today. I even spent a whopping $13 on a new pair of shorts since my go-to shorts are 5-6 years old and falling off.


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