# Guilt Trips For Being Poor and Homeschooling



## HillBettyMama

So as some of yay know I am a single mom and still trying to homeschool my children. I feel that God blessed me with my children and it is my calling to raise them up following the teachings of Christ and to teach them how to think and learn. I am constantly being belittled for keeping my kids at home! 
First of all I do not get welfare, you can not sign up for if you homeschool. I do however receive a housing subsidy and food stamps. My housing subsidy is only fifty dollars less than the gal who works at a fast food place full time and has her youngest ia state paid for daycare. I feel like every one else in my apartment complex is talking down to me for homeschooling, when they have to work so hard. 
I feel like I work hard to educate children, some days our lessons are six to eight hours (not book work but fun learning). I also spend a couple hours each day researching lessons and learning. Whe I went to college years ago I minored in both psychology and education, but I do not have a degree in either. The majority of my few jobs have been in the classroom with either preschool or kindergarten kids.
I have been told I am a leach on the system and that they feel bad about having to pay their taxes for me to survive. This has always been from people who get large tax refunds and have their multiple kids in public education. I think the national average for taxpayers to send a kid to public school is ten to twelve grand per year. Even adding my housing subsidy and foodstamps together it does not equal the taxpayers dollars to send just one of my kids to public school.
So please let me know your honest, even if it is harsh, opinion.


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## Belfrybat

Um -- rent subsidy and food stamps are welfare, so let's clear that misconception up right away. You ARE getting welfare. 

I gather from your post you are not employed since you stay home and homeschool your children 7 - 8 hours a day. Or do you have a night job to earn $$? If the former, I guess my question (and this is not a criticism) is what values are you teaching your children if you are not working to support them? I don't see anything in the Bible about not working to pay your way in the world. The person you mention who is working full time to support her children while still receiving welfare appears to be trying to get ahead and be a good example to her family. (Again, not a criticism), but what example are you showing to your kids? 

Whether you send your children to public school or not doesn't cost anyone directly, at least I don't think so. So I'm not sure that argument stands. I have never had children but still had to pay school taxes on property I owned. That's part of being a member of society. 

As to people criticizing you, you have the choice whether to buy into a guilt trip or shake it off. If you are feeling guilty, then own up to that and re-examine your priorities. If you are not feeling guilty, then shake off the nay-sayers.


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## Declan

There is nothing necessarily wrong with homeschooling, nor is there something necessarily wrong with sending kids to public education. The implication in the OP is that somehow going to public school would deny the children to be taught religion is troubling, but not my kids, not my decision. 

Not sending your kids to school likely doesn't make much of a difference unless they would be getting free lunch. It isn't like 1 kid less allows them to staff less or spend less on utilities and such. It is probably a fraction of a dollar on the average cost, without actually changing the total budget for the school system any.


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## HillBettyMama

Okay just to clarify a couple of things. I have been homeschooling my kids for a few years now and my youngest is too young for the public kindergarten. So they would have to be in a state run, taxpayer funded daycare if I were to work. I had a contract job working online through an Internet assessment website from when I lost my fiancÃ© last spring until this fall. I have been looking for more work for home opportunities since my contract ended two and a half months ago. 
Sending kids to public school does cost taxpayers money, and it is per child. There is a charter school here that offers homeschooling curriculums. The school is very specific that they get a certain amount of dollars per student that is signed up. From that amount each homeschooling family signed up through the charter gets three thousand dollar of that funding to buy supplies and pay for private lessons. 
I do appreciate your feedback and criticism. I am also hoping to hear from homeschooling moms and get their opinions on if they would continue to homeschool if their husband or fiancÃ© passed away. I had never thought I would be in this situation, and had though I would always be a stay at home, homeschooling mom.
The majority of the single parents I know who work full time get paid less per month than what the government pays in daycare subsidies since daycare is not free. Which my youngest would be doing if I were to work out of the home. The same is true for children in public education, it is not free but instead paid for by the government and the taxpayers.
I believe one of the examples I am setting for my children is that family values run deeper than societal norms and to blindly obey authority figures. I am also teaching my children to take the Bible literally and say grace before each meal and to read and discuss scripture throughout the day.


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## painterswife

If you are getting more from the government than you are paying in taxes you are getting welfare. It is simple math. However it is how you are using that welfare to move forward towards not getting more than you put in is the key to most.

It should be a stepping stone in my opinion. Your values may be to take and uphold your family values but that may not be the values of your neighbor. Being a stay at home mom is just not in the cards for everyone.


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## Declan

HillBettyMama said:


> *I believe one of the examples I am setting for my children is* that family values run deeper than societal norms *and to blindly obey authority figures*.


Why are you teaching your children to blindly follow authority figures?


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## SLFarmMI

HillBettyMama said:


> So as some of yay know I am a single mom and still trying to homeschool my children. I feel that God blessed me with my children and it is my calling to raise them up following the teachings of Christ and to teach them how to think and learn. I am constantly being belittled for keeping my kids at home!
> First of all I do not get welfare, you can not sign up for if you homeschool. I do however receive a housing subsidy and food stamps. My housing subsidy is only fifty dollars less than the gal who works at a fast food place full time and has her youngest ia state paid for daycare. I feel like every one else in my apartment complex is talking down to me for homeschooling, when they have to work so hard.
> I feel like I work hard to educate children, some days our lessons are six to eight hours (not book work but fun learning). I also spend a couple hours each day researching lessons and learning. Whe I went to college years ago I minored in both psychology and education, but I do not have a degree in either. The majority of my few jobs have been in the classroom with either preschool or kindergarten kids.
> I have been told I am a leach on the system and that they feel bad about having to pay their taxes for me to survive. This has always been from people who get large tax refunds and have their multiple kids in public education. I think the national average for taxpayers to send a kid to public school is ten to twelve grand per year. Even adding my housing subsidy and foodstamps together it does not equal the taxpayers dollars to send just one of my kids to public school.
> So please let me know your honest, even if it is harsh, opinion.



If your one child is too young for kindergarten, have you checked with your local district about any district programs that they may have for preschool aged children? Many districts have free or low cost programs. Mine has programs for children from 6 months on up. It's worth a phone call.

I think the criticism you are hearing from your neighbors stems from frustration. They see themselves trying to balance working full time as well as parenthood while others appear to be sitting on their fannies (just saying that it appears to be this from the outside) letting others pay their way. It's a valid criticism. 

It sounds from your original post that you feel that you can't teach your children about the Bible if they go to public school or that somehow they won't be able to think and learn if they attend public school. This is not the case. 

I know you had planned on being a stay at home, homeschooling parent throughout your children's lives but sometimes life tosses us a curve ball and forces us to change our plans. It sounds like life has changed for you right now. You may have to put your plans on hold temporarily. 

I know you asked for opinions and not advice, but I'm going to toss you some advice anyway. If it were me, I think I would look into what early childhood programs are available for the younger child. If there weren't any programs that would be a good fit, I'd find the best daycare that I could. I'd put the older one into public school. Then I'd find the best job that I could get until I was able to find the online opportunities you posted about. Get yourself on your feet financially so that you can restart your homeschooling journey. Just my 2 cents worth. 

Good luck to you regardless of what path you choose.


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## HillBettyMama

Declan said:


> Why are you teaching your children to blindly follow authority figures?


That is called a typo or a mistake of auto correct. Don't worry when I wrote my twenty page thesis on child development I used an editor. Thant you for pointing out my mistake so others will not be confused in the future.


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## HillBettyMama

Hugs' and thank you for the wonderful feedback, I appreciate your opinion. I have worked at two of the government run head start centres. I even brought my oldest with me to work when they were too young for the preschool. It was one of the last jobs I have had. The program here is overcrowded and only three hours a day. I do not think that would leave me with too much time to look for or pick up work. 
Perhaps when my youngest is old enough for a full day of school it might be plausible to find a job without taking a greater handout from the government to pay for subsidized daycare. I think that is what really urks me. Many of the other moms act like they are getting less than I am from the government, yet the daycare subsidies exceeds their monthly incomes. So even though they are working full time, they too hare letting others pay their way. 
I know I can still teach my children to follow God's word, but when I see how horribly mannered the public school children at the playground are it truly shocks me. At the city park there will be little kids, six or seven, shouting obscenities and bullying other kids. It leaves me in utter shock that children behave that way! 
I love your fourth paragraph, I think it has helped me Realize that I am still in the process of coping with change. By accepting and embracing that change I can begin to move forward. I suppose the first step is to find an acceptable charter school for my children to attend next fall when my youngest is old enough. I truly like the way you have made me feel that both situations can be temporary.
As far as the best job I can find, I have been out of work for years. Prior to children I worked part time in a few preschools and as a waitress. I think spending a decade as a stay at home mom and small time milkmaid/gardner is not going to land me any top dollar job. I wonder if there is a local cheese factory? Anyways, I while I am researching charter schools in depth I will work on my resume in depth as well.


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SLFarmMI said:


> If your one child is too young for kindergarten, have you checked with your local district about any district programs that they may have for preschool aged children? Many districts have free or low cost programs. Mine has programs for children from 6 months on up. It's worth a phone call.
> 
> I think the criticism you are hearing from your neighbors stems from frustration. They see themselves trying to balance working full time as well as parenthood while others appear to be sitting on their fannies (just saying that it appears to be this from the outside) letting others pay their way. It's a valid criticism.
> 
> It sounds from your original post that you feel that you can't teach your children about the Bible if they go to public school or that somehow they won't be able to think and learn if they attend public school. This is not the case.
> 
> I know you had planned on being a stay at home, homeschooling parent throughout your children's lives but sometimes life tosses us a curve ball and forces us to change our plans. It sounds like life has changed for you right now. You may have to put your plans on hold temporarily.
> 
> I know you asked for opinions and not advice, but I'm going to toss you some advice anyway. If it were me, I think I would look into what early childhood programs are available for the younger child. If there weren't any programs that would be a good fit, I'd find the best daycare that I could. I'd put the older one into public school. Then I'd find the best job that I could get until I was able to find the online opportunities you posted about. Get yourself on your feet financially so that you can restart your homeschooling journey. Just my 2 cents worth.
> 
> Good luck to you regardless of what path you choose.


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## Laura Zone 5

HillBettyMama said:


> So as some of yay know I am a single mom and still trying to homeschool my children. I feel that God blessed me with my children and it is my calling to raise them up following the teachings of Christ and to teach them how to think and learn. I am constantly being belittled for keeping my kids at home!
> First of all I do not get welfare, you can not sign up for if you homeschool. I do however receive a housing subsidy and food stamps. My housing subsidy is only fifty dollars less than the gal who works at a fast food place full time and has her youngest ia state paid for daycare. I feel like every one else in my apartment complex is talking down to me for homeschooling, when they have to work so hard.
> I feel like I work hard to educate children, some days our lessons are six to eight hours (not book work but fun learning). I also spend a couple hours each day researching lessons and learning. Whe I went to college years ago I minored in both psychology and education, but I do not have a degree in either. The majority of my few jobs have been in the classroom with either preschool or kindergarten kids.
> I have been told I am a leach on the system and that they feel bad about having to pay their taxes for me to survive. This has always been from people who get large tax refunds and have their multiple kids in public education. I think the national average for taxpayers to send a kid to public school is ten to twelve grand per year. Even adding my housing subsidy and foodstamps together it does not equal the taxpayers dollars to send just one of my kids to public school.
> So please let me know your honest, even if it is harsh, opinion.


1. Stop caring what others think. It's not their life, so they can butt out.

2. Do not compare yourself to ANYONE. Ever. 
The only person you should compare yourself to is Christ, and that is who you strive to be like. No one else.

3. Obama and his cronies have made it very easy to not work. 
It has NOTHING to do w/ 'living wages'.......in 1950, single moms worked 2 jobs, or got educated and lived at or below her wages. 
Again, this is why you cannot compare yourself/situation to anyone elses.

4. What do you want your kids to remember? Only you can answer that.
You are teaching The Word, that is their foundation in life.
You are teaching reading, writing and math.
Are you teaching civics, work ethic, budgeting, entrepreneurism, etc.
Real world stuff.
What are you teaching them, by your actions? Your words?

(( I homeschooled; all 3 of my kids are over 21, and 2 of the 3 are doing AMAZINGINGLY ))

5. Real life lessons trump book lessons, every time.


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## Declan

HillBettyMama said:


> That is called a typo or a mistake of auto correct. Don't worry when I wrote my twenty page thesis on child development I used an editor. Thant you for pointing out my mistake so others will not be confused in the future.


I did not know if it was a mistake or not. Some people do teach their children to be overly obedient. I have just never understood why.


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## frogmammy

Don't you get social security for at least one of the kids?

Mon


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## WildernesFamily

As a homeschool mom myself, I would do just about anything in my power to keep homeschooling my children. I have a deep appreciation for the value it has to my family.

I agree with Laura, stop worrying about what others think and do what's best for *your* family. You are still in the process of adjusting to a new situation, this is what these programs are set up to be, a stepping stone while you get back on your feet. I'm sure you don't envision that you will be doing exactly the same thing 5 years down the road.


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## doozie

I would not discuss my finances, or where my money came from with anyone. You do what is best for your family, you don't have to explain,to basically a stranger in your complex, your reasons for homeschooling. I did not homeschool, but would never even consider challenging some one else's choices. Ask yourself where these people will be in relationship to your life in 5 years from now.


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## Annsni

Have you considered taking in another child or two for another mom to bring in some extra money? I would definitely look into that so you could be earning some extra income AND still be home with your kids.

I have homeschooled for the past 19 year and it has been the best thing I could have ever done for my kids but honestly, if something happened to my husband, I more than likely would have sent them to school so I could work and keep us afloat. Sending your kids to school does not mean that they would stray from God and never know what the Bible says because you have them for more time than school does and your influence is great. Live the Gospel at home and the kids know it whether they go to school or not. Homeschooling will not guarantee that they will walk with the Lord later (goodness knows SO many kids who were homeschooled when I homeschooled my older girls have now turned their backs on God) so don't think that homeschooling is a perfect protection.

You do what you need to do. If that means that you need to homeschool your kids for a few years and watch a couple of other people's kids to be able to stay afloat, do it. I do understand what people on the outside are seeing and why they are frustrated but you can prove them wrong. Work hard, raise great kids and find some way to bring in extra money and bring your family to a better place financially. You can do it!


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## light rain

I would wonder at the answer to Frogmammy's question.

How many children do you have and are their father/s being held to financial support of their children?

I support home schooling and when you add the cost of per child public education you are not being a leach. I would warn you though, all the learning probably shouldn't be in the fun category. That is not realistic prep for real life...


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## FCLady

We raised three kids in public school; when the youngest was 16 we took on our nieces as long term temporary guardians. I did not want to deal with public school "stuff" with kids while I was in my 60s. My other choice was to homeschool. Best choice I ever made.
Our nieces are now our adopted daughters. We're in our 4th year of homeschool. We had a home based job so it works financially for us as well. IF i could do it all over again the only thing I would change is that I would have found a way to homeschool the oldest 3 kids.

As you get older - you care less what others think of what you do. If I had a nickel for every time someone asked why my kids weren't in school, I'd never have to work -- ever. My typical answer is "we homeschool". Most times I get positive feedback. Occassionally I get negative comments. I really don't care what someone else thinks. No one else has to be with us 24/7 and we are healthy and happy and it works for us!

If YOU aren't happy with your current financial situation then you can change it. There are some free homeschool sites out there that may cut down on your prep time some. 

In Ohio I pay my taxes and school levies etc. AND have to pay for whatever I need for homeschooling. I actually PAY MORE to homeschool than people pay to put their kids in public school.

DO whatever works for your family - make decisions you can live with long term. 

There are too many people who can't wait to get away from their kids and want them to go back to school after a break. What does that say about THEIR parenting skills?


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## FarmerKat

We homeschool and if anything happened to my husband, I would do anything to continue homeschooling. I would not send my children to school. 

It sounds to me that you are still recovering from the loss of your fiance and where you are now does not mean, you are going to be there few years from now. Do you have family around? Maybe kids could stay with them while you are at work. No one says you have to do school on the exact same schedule as public schools. Are you connected to other homeschoolers in your area? There may be other single parents who you could trade time with taking care of kids while the other is at work. 

How old are your kids? Can the oldest watch the younger ones while you work from home? There are home jobs out there and I bet that if you put time into looking for one, you will find one. 

Best wishes ... and don't worry what anyone else says. Like others suggested, I would not discuss my finances with anyone but closest family. It's no one else's business.


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## FarmerKat

I also had another thought ... it may be a good time to revisit the curriculum you are using. There are many options out there that do not require extensive prep time and are geared towards independent study - that way you can give work to one child while you study with another. If you can cut down the time you spend doing school work, you will have more time to focus on getting work, etc.


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## HillBettyMama

I guess what really got me thing about it all was when I was investigating homeschooling through the charter school. When they explained they received a certain amount per kids which was more than my housing and food benefits combined, it got me thinking. I am truly hoping between now and when my youngest can start kindergarten next fall I am able to find a better work at home opportunity. I love the idea of taking in a preschool aged kid or two to make a little extra money. 
I really feel that there is a difference between raising a child up in His word and just going to church on the weekend. It seems to me like you understand the difference. Even if I were to work full time I would still be receiving food and rental benefits, plus costing taxpayers a daycare subsidy and the cost of public education. It is not like working as a single mom of two kids will pay enough to get off assistance and be a liveable wage. Unless I find the best tipping restaurant out there. 
I want my kids to remember scripture and how to live in the footsteps of Christ. I want my kids to know their food comes from volunteering at a community garden, or grinding the wheat berries to make a loaf of sourdough. I want my kids to know their cloth does not have to be cool and it is okay to turn their favourite old tshirt into a patch on a skirt there making me for Christmas. 

We study an array of history, social studies and ethics in thematic units. Right now my oldest is obsessed with the Victorian era and is working on calculating the metric weights for baking over Christmas into regular weights and then to measuring cups. 
We do a bit of volunteer baking for some of the elderly in our apartment complex and helped with baking extra dishes for our church to distribute at Thanksgiving. I would love to be able to sell my canned salsas, soups, sauces as well as bread and cheeses again. Foolishly when siging up dor food stamps I asked and was specifically told if I am caught selling any food items I will loose my foodstamps unless I can prove in court that every item was not bought with foodstamps.
I just typed up a much longer reply that I had intended, hopefully it covered some of the points that I did not directly address.


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## Belfrybat

HillBettyMama said:


> ... I am truly hoping between now and when my youngest can start kindergarten next fall I am able to find a better work at home opportunity.


Great! Sounds like you have a plan. 



> *I really feel that there is a difference between raising a child up in His word and just going to church on the weekend.* It seems to me like you understand the difference. Even if I were to work full time I would still be receiving food and rental benefits, plus costing taxpayers a daycare subsidy and the cost of public education. It is not like working as a single mom of two kids will pay enough to get off assistance and be a liveable wage. Unless I find the best tipping restaurant out there.
> *I want my kids to remember scripture and how to live in the footsteps of Christ. I want my kids to know their food comes from volunteering at a community garden, or grinding the wheat berries to make a loaf of sourdough. I want my kids to know their cloth does not have to be cool and it is okay to turn their favourite old tshirt into a patch on a skirt there making me for Christmas.*


Whether you send your kids to school or not is your decision. But I really question your stance on the items I've marked in bold. How on earth does your working to better your financial situation and sending your kids to school prevent you from doing any of the above? 

You've chosen not to work for an income so you can stay home with your kids -- *that is your decision and is perfectly fine*. But don't try to tell me or anyone else that because you homeschool, you or your kids are somehow holier or better than those who do send their children to school. Sending your kids to school in no way interferes with your ability to teach them Christianity, good values, a good work ethic, sewing, gardening or anything else.


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## Bret

I hope you won't feel guilty about anything.


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## Annsni

HillBettyMama said:


> I really feel that there is a difference between raising a child up in His word and just going to church on the weekend.
> 
> I want my kids to remember scripture and how to live in the footsteps of Christ. I want my kids to know their food comes from volunteering at a community garden, or grinding the wheat berries to make a loaf of sourdough. I want my kids to know their cloth does not have to be cool and it is okay to turn their favourite old tshirt into a patch on a skirt there making me for Christmas.


Realize that having your kids in school does not mean that this cannot still happen. It's not an either-or situation. I have one still homeschooled, one in high school at the local public school, one in grad school who lives in the city during the week (she has her own apartment there but comes home on the weekends) and one who lives at home and is a high school substitute teacher. I still do all of these things with all of them even though only one is home during the schooling hours. Just yesterday, we had a big spiritual lesson based on something that happened at youth group and when my daughter (the homeschooled one) and I got home, we talked about what happened as a family and what God wants our response to be. The only one not present was my grad school daughter. Having the kids away from us for part of the day does not mean that our influence is removed from them and even with them in school, we still have the greater part of their time to work with them, teach them, admonish them and instruct them in the Lord.


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## BohemianWaxwing

While I'm not sure I understand or agree with 100% of HBM's reasoning about saving taxpayers money with her choices, I think most of us haven't walked in her shoes as a single mom. Kids being gone for only the short hours of being in school isn't an insurmountable road block to influencing them during the rest of the hours of the day. But if HBM puts the kids in school and takes a job, she's almost certainly going to be separated from them for many more hours than just the school hours. It's pretty difficult to have lengthy heart to hearts with kids about their daily activities in the rush between picking up from day-care, eating something for dinner and getting to bed on time to get up for the school bus in the AM. 

HBM, it's great that you're willing to listen to advice from others, but at the end of the day, you call the shots about how you support yourself and educate your kids. Guilt is a tool of our enemy to discourage and confuse us. If something is coming from God it will be in the form of conviction and bear fruit of hope and enthusiasm. Press on!


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## painterswife

watcher said:


> This isn't GC but I had to reply to this. I disagree with your 'if you are getting more than you pay in' definition of welfare. Welfare is any money the government gives directly to an individual which benefits that individual directly and only that individual *unless* the money is payment for a good or service.


I can agree with that clarification.


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## Ed Mashburn

Good evening to all- Very interesting discussion here.
I have nothing to say about the original post and poster- except I thank God I am not in her situation.

About Watcher's comments- I taught school for nearly 40 years. I put myself- with my parents' help- through college. My wife and I put our kids through college. We never asked for nor accepted a penny of government assistance.
I pay my taxes, and I gratefully pay my taxes. I do not resent paying taxes to support government programs which help others. I feel paying taxes is a privilege which is earned by being a citizen, and if some other people don't pay taxes and do receive government payment because they are not working- well, I expect that situation will change in time. If it does or does not- I still am grateful to pay my taxes.

And as far as Watcher's resenting other people "leeching" off the government- I would rather support a thousand "leeches" than know that one child was going hungry. Watcher, you have obviously never tried to teach a child who comes to school hungry. 

No, I do not resent government welfare programs. They are not perfect. There are abuses. But these programs do feed and otherwise help some children who can't fend for themselves, and that makes "welfare" totally supportable, in my opinion.

Watcher- and people who see the world as apparently Watcher does- please be careful of how you judge others. We are none of us very far removed from being in desperate shape- financially and personally- at any time.

There but for the grace of God...

Good evening to all- Ed Mashburn


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## FarmerKat

To the OP ... I do not know if you are an HSLDA member but HSLDA's Homeschool Foundation has resources for single parents. They also have a Widow's Fund and Children of Single Parents fund to assist financially to families so that they can continue homeschooling under these circumstances. (ETA: To clarify - I do not believe you have to be a member to receive support from the foundation but I figured if you were not a member, you may not be aware of it.)


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## Ed Mashburn

Good morning to all- Watcher, I reckon we just see the world through different eyes. I believe government service and government programs are basically well-intended and most programs are well presented and maintained. I have lived in this world much too long to expect anything from the charitable impulses of others. Folks have to be compelled to share- and that's what taxes do. I have found that with many folks, the more they have to share, the less willing they are to share it.
As far as your inviting me to donate my money to support poor children- I do. And I donated something more- my time, attention, and hard work to help them have better lives. I devoted my working life to trying to make the world a better place for my students. I was not totally successful, but I think I helped.
And as far as seeing paying taxes as being robbed at gunpoint, as you suggest in your posts- again, I guess we just see the world differently.
Lord, Brother, I would hate to be as suspicious and angry as you seem to be. The world- and our country- are not such bad places. I'd suggest there are few better.
Good day to all- Ed Mashburn


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## Becka

Before this turns into a GC-style debate about welfare, I'd like to weigh in with my experience as a 9-year homeschool mom.

First, I think you are feeling guilty because your rationale is wrong. When we first decided to homeschool, we prayed, asked for confirmation, and got it through God's word. When you base your decisions this way, you don't worry about what others say, you don't doubt or second-guess, you don't have to "defend" your course of action. You hold your head high and just do it.

It seems you have based your decisions on feelings, circumstance, social ideas, etc. That's fine if you aren't a believer, but as you said you are trying to rear your children according to God's word, the place to start is by standing on his word as confirmation. Either He wants you to homeschool or He doesn't. You don't need anyone else's opinion and the fact that you are seeking it makes me advise you to think long and hard and pray about your current circumstance and read scripture until you KNOW the path to take.

Second, if school takes 7-8 hours a day, I'd re-think the current learning process and tools. Even in middle school, our girls could school less than 5 hours a day and be completely done with good grades. Unless they are in high school or have a major learning disability, school should not be taking that long for 2 kids of school age and one under school age. Check out some different resources and look into a homeschool group in your area for ideas.

Third, you asked if other homeschool moms would continue to homeschool in your situation. My answer is if you firmly believe God wants you to school your kids at home, by all means, do it. And by all means, do anything and everything you can do to earn a living, even if it's getting paid to help school another child or babysit.

God will make a way if you seek it. He honors those who work hard. Now, as Christians we are to help the widows and orphans. If you fall into that category, by all means, see if your church can help you. I'm not talking about showing up someplace and asking for a handout from strangers. I mean get INVOLVED in your local church, make friends, and do what you can to show you're willing to work--even if it's cleaning the church while your kids color nearby. Get to know other moms and see if you can babysit for each other so you can work a part-time job. . .whatever it takes. There is no reason why you cannot school AND work at least part-time if you are earnestly seeking God and trying to live for him and train your children right. 

My advice is don't make excuses or explanations. Read His word for direction and he will take care of you, most likely without the help of the taxpayers. And if you DO need welfare, use it as a short-term stepping stone to get self-sufficient and back on your feet. I will pray for you. You can do it!


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## FarmerKat

Becka said:


> Before this turns into a GC-style debate about welfare, I'd like to weigh in with my experience as a 9-year homeschool mom.
> 
> First, I think you are feeling guilty because your rationale is wrong. When we first decided to homeschool, we prayed, asked for confirmation, and got it through God's word. When you base your decisions this way, you don't worry about what others say, you don't doubt or second-guess, you don't have to "defend" your course of action. You hold your head high and just do it.
> 
> It seems you have based your decisions on feelings, circumstance, social ideas, etc. That's fine if you aren't a believer, but as you said you are trying to rear your children according to God's word, the place to start is by standing on his word as confirmation. Either He wants you to homeschool or He doesn't. You don't need anyone else's opinion and the fact that you are seeking it makes me advise you to think long and hard and pray about your current circumstance and read scripture until you KNOW the path to take.
> 
> Second, if school takes 7-8 hours a day, I'd re-think the current learning process and tools. Even in middle school, our girls could school less than 5 hours a day and be completely done with good grades. Unless they are in high school or have a major learning disability, school should not be taking that long for 2 kids of school age and one under school age. Check out some different resources and look into a homeschool group in your area for ideas.
> 
> Third, you asked if other homeschool moms would continue to homeschool in your situation. My answer is if you firmly believe God wants you to school your kids at home, by all means, do it. And by all means, do anything and everything you can do to earn a living, even if it's getting paid to help school another child or babysit.
> 
> God will make a way if you seek it. He honors those who work hard. Now, as Christians we are to help the widows and orphans. If you fall into that category, by all means, see if your church can help you. I'm not talking about showing up someplace and asking for a handout from strangers. I mean get INVOLVED in your local church, make friends, and do what you can to show you're willing to work--even if it's cleaning the church while your kids color nearby. Get to know other moms and see if you can babysit for each other so you can work a part-time job. . .whatever it takes. There is no reason why you cannot school AND work at least part-time if you are earnestly seeking God and trying to live for him and train your children right.
> 
> My advice is don't make excuses or explanations. Read His word for direction and he will take care of you, most likely without the help of the taxpayers. And if you DO need welfare, use it as a short-term stepping stone to get self-sufficient and back on your feet. I will pray for you. You can do it!


Great advice.  Wish I could "like" your post a bunch of times.


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## Michael W. Smith

HillBettyMama said:


> Sending kids to public school does cost taxpayers money, and it is per child. There is a charter school here that offers homeschooling curriculums. The school is very specific that they get a certain amount of dollars per student that is signed up. From that amount each homeschooling family signed up through the charter gets three thousand dollar of that funding to buy supplies and pay for private lessons.


Did you check to find out where the charter school "gets a certain amount of dollars per student that is signed up"? 
That money comes from YOUR local school district. It may only cost your local school district $6500.00 / year / student for the school district students to educate them. But the charter school can charge your local school district $12,000.00 if they want to.
Your couple of kids staying out or going to the local school district aren't going to make any difference - they are still going to have the same number of people working for them regardless. But if your children sign up for the charter school, it IS costing your school district even more money than it should!

You say you have two different degrees. Have you checked into a job position at your local school district? Most schools are always looking for aides.

But check with your local school district, because at least here in PA, if you have a degree, you can be a substitute teacher. In our district, substitute teachers get paid $100.00 / day - and our school district has trouble finding enough substitute teachers each day.

As to whether you should continue to homeschool - is something you need to soul search and decide for yourself.


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## HillBettyMama

Thank you Beka for your feedback. The thing is despite all the criticism I receive, each time I pray about it I end up feeling like I am doing the right thing. Our school day takes so long because my oldest has a learning disability and I spend a good deal of time modifying our curriculum to work. I have signed up for the HSLDF scholarships and am researching less traditional curriculums. 
As for helping another family and babysitting, it is the first day of the public schools winter break and I now have two extra children. Their moms, one of whom is my biggest critic, forgot to arrange child care during the school break while they still have to work. However I doubt I will see a dime for it.
There are other homeschooling families in our community who are somewhat supportive of my situation. One gal even paid for my oldest to take a sculpting class at her art studio to make storytelling dolls in what she called a waldorf approach to literacy. Another gave us a big box of office supplies and school supplies her kids have out grown. 
Thank you for your prayers, that perhaps means the most to me out of all I have read in this thread.


Becka said:


> Before this turns into a GC-style debate about welfare, I'd like to weigh in with my experience as a 9-year homeschool mom.
> 
> First, I think you are feeling guilty because your rationale is wrong. When we first decided to homeschool, we prayed, asked for confirmation, and got it through God's word. When you base your decisions this way, you don't worry about what others say, you don't doubt or second-guess, you don't have to "defend" your course of action. You hold your head high and just do it.
> 
> It seems you have based your decisions on feelings, circumstance, social ideas, etc. That's fine if you aren't a believer, but as you said you are trying to rear your children according to God's word, the place to start is by standing on his word as confirmation. Either He wants you to homeschool or He doesn't. You don't need anyone else's opinion and the fact that you are seeking it makes me advise you to think long and hard and pray about your current circumstance and read scripture until you KNOW the path to take.
> 
> Second, if school takes 7-8 hours a day, I'd re-think the current learning process and tools. Even in middle school, our girls could school less than 5 hours a day and be completely done with good grades. Unless they are in high school or have a major learning disability, school should not be taking that long for 2 kids of school age and one under school age. Check out some different resources and look into a homeschool group in your area for ideas.
> 
> Third, you asked if other homeschool moms would continue to homeschool in your situation. My answer is if you firmly believe God wants you to school your kids at home, by all means, do it. And by all means, do anything and everything you can do to earn a living, even if it's getting paid to help school another child or babysit.
> 
> God will make a way if you seek it. He honors those who work hard. Now, as Christians we are to help the widows and orphans. If you fall into that category, by all means, see if your church can help you. I'm not talking about showing up someplace and asking for a handout from strangers. I mean get INVOLVED in your local church, make friends, and do what you can to show you're willing to work--even if it's cleaning the church while your kids color nearby. Get to know other moms and see if you can babysit for each other so you can work a part-time job. . .whatever it takes. There is no reason why you cannot school AND work at least part-time if you are earnestly seeking God and trying to live for him and train your children right.
> 
> My advice is don't make excuses or explanations. Read His word for direction and he will take care of you, most likely without the help of the taxpayers. And if you DO need welfare, use it as a short-term stepping stone to get self-sufficient and back on your feet. I will pray for you. You can do it!


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## Laura Zone 5

I am absolutely stunned and amazed at what IS permitted on HT and then equally blown away by what is deleted; because what gets deleted and infracted doesn't hold a candle to the above remarks......

Just wow.


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## Laura Zone 5

Becka said:


> Before this turns into a GC-style debate about welfare, I'd like to weigh in with my experience as a 9-year homeschool mom.
> 
> First, I think you are feeling guilty because your rationale is wrong. When we first decided to homeschool, we prayed, asked for confirmation, and got it through God's word. When you base your decisions this way, you don't worry about what others say, you don't doubt or second-guess, you don't have to "defend" your course of action. You hold your head high and just do it.
> 
> It seems you have based your decisions on feelings, circumstance, social ideas, etc. That's fine if you aren't a believer, but as you said you are trying to rear your children according to God's word, the place to start is by standing on his word as confirmation. Either He wants you to homeschool or He doesn't. You don't need anyone else's opinion and the fact that you are seeking it makes me advise you to think long and hard and pray about your current circumstance and read scripture until you KNOW the path to take.
> 
> Second, if school takes 7-8 hours a day, I'd re-think the current learning process and tools. Even in middle school, our girls could school less than 5 hours a day and be completely done with good grades. Unless they are in high school or have a major learning disability, school should not be taking that long for 2 kids of school age and one under school age. Check out some different resources and look into a homeschool group in your area for ideas.
> 
> Third, you asked if other homeschool moms would continue to homeschool in your situation. My answer is if you firmly believe God wants you to school your kids at home, by all means, do it. And by all means, do anything and everything you can do to earn a living, even if it's getting paid to help school another child or babysit.
> 
> God will make a way if you seek it. He honors those who work hard. Now, as Christians we are to help the widows and orphans. If you fall into that category, by all means, see if your church can help you. I'm not talking about showing up someplace and asking for a handout from strangers. I mean get INVOLVED in your local church, make friends, and do what you can to show you're willing to work--even if it's cleaning the church while your kids color nearby. Get to know other moms and see if you can babysit for each other so you can work a part-time job. . .whatever it takes. There is no reason why you cannot school AND work at least part-time if you are earnestly seeking God and trying to live for him and train your children right.
> 
> My advice is don't make excuses or explanations. Read His word for direction and he will take care of you, most likely without the help of the taxpayers. And if you DO need welfare, use it as a short-term stepping stone to get self-sufficient and back on your feet. I will pray for you. You can do it!


I wish I could like this 1000 times.


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## Ed Mashburn

Good morning to all- this topic is getting lot of play. interesting.

First off, I agree that single parenthood is difficult. Raising children is the hardest and most important work in the world, and I would hate to have to try to raise kids alone.Regardless of the specific situation which led to the single parenthood, it's harder than I could do, I'm afraid.
I feel that calling unwed motherhood a "Scourge" is pretty strong and not very helpful. Kids happen- not always at the best of times and situations. It does no one any good to call names and cast aspersions on others. 
I am more concerned with the kids. For those who detest having to help raise these and all other public school kids with their taxes- and let's be honest, public schools do a whole lot of child-raising now and always have-I'd like to ask of them- "What are YOUR options?" Just ignore the poor kids? They won't go away. they will grow up- for better or worse- and they will be a part of our society.
And I'd like to suggest to all, spending tax money- yes, mine and YOURS- on good public school programs- including very early pre-school programs- is money well spent, and a whole lot cheaper than spending money later on prisons.
All parents in every situation need help in raising their kids. Where the help comes from- well, it comes from all of us, in one way or another.
Good day to all- Ed Mashburn


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## MDKatie

It is very possible to send your kids to public school and still teach them values at home. Gosh, what do people think happens with kids who go to public schools? They come home and their parents never see them? They have every afternoon and evening, plus every weekend. We both work full time and we still manage to spend a ton of time with our kids and teach them things they don't learn (or need help learning) at school. It's not an all or nothing thing. 

I don't understand why working full time wouldn't be better than staying home and homeschooling. Homeschooling is a choice. Many people would love to have that as an option, but they can't because they don't want or don't qualify for welfare. 

I'd rather teach my children the value of working to pay our way, instead of relying on help from the government.


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## Laura Zone 5

I home educated.
I spent a lot of time teaching my 3 not to make assumptions, not to look down upon someone, and not to 'think they know something' unless they have walked a mile in the other shoes.

I taught them right from wrong, and ultimately they will only answer for themselves and their own choices.
Choose wisely.

To love the Lord with all their heart, mind, soul and strength, and to love their neighbor as they love them selves.

One has a culinary degree, working in the industry, and looking to go back for a Nutrition degree.
One is still in college, at a private university (academic and athletic scholarships) , w/ one year left.
One, made her own choices.

I subscribed to 'train them up in the way they should go, and when they are old, they will not depart from them'.

I hope I live to see this truth come to fruition. But good chances, I will not.
Either way, it's what I did. 
And only I will give an account, for me.


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## WildernesFamily

MDKatie said:


> I don't understand why working full time wouldn't be better than staying home and homeschooling. Homeschooling is a choice. Many people would love to have that as an option, but they can't because they don't want or don't qualify for welfare.


We qualify for welfare, but we don't take it. We still homeschool. We just choose to do without all the fluff that would eat up our money.

Your post makes it sound like you think all homeschool families are on welfare.


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## MDKatie

WildernesFamily said:


> We qualify for welfare, but we don't take it. We still homeschool. We just choose to do without all the fluff that would eat up our money.
> 
> Your post makes it sound like you think all homeschool families are on welfare.


No, I didn't say that or insinuate that. I'm referring specifically to the original poster's situation. I simply said many who would want to homeschool can't because they can't afford it and don't want to receive gov't assistance. If you can afford to homeschool and choose to, more power to you.


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## frogmammy

Well, it's been that way for 70 plus years....

Mon


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## Bret

I agree. Your kids and your decisions. I'll bet they are well cared for.

There is a guilt for just about everything today so that no one need ever feel left out. 

All the best.


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## FarmerKat

Deleted ... I posted while mod was removing posts.


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## wr

This is not GC and if you don't have anything helpful to offer, please post elsewhere.


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## HillBettyMama

Thanks everyone who has replied to this thread, it has started down quite a few interesting tangents. Feel free to pm me for explainations as I am not airing out thirty five years of dirty laundry on a public forum.
Just so you guys know one of the gals whose kid I am watching over break might keep me as before and after school care for her kiddo. It will only be four hours a day, while he is out of school and she is still working. So I suppose that I will now be working part time and hopefully lead to more babysitting/tutoring. When someone is a single mom it is not just the school day that they don't spend with their kids, it is also extra work hours and commuting time. Although the pay won't be much, it should make it where we can get by with out food assistance considering the majority of our meat are freebies that I butcher and I did volunteer at a community garden with my kids. 
I am still seeking out other work at home opportunities to fully support my family. I am also open to suggestions for online employment or even other work where my kids can come with me etc. I think one of my problems is that I will do stuff for free that other people suggest being paid for, like housecleaning and cooking for elderly or babysitting on occasion. Also my fiancÃ© worked for minimum wage and we did qualify for assistance even when I was working part time. However then we did not need food stamps because we raised most of our food. 
I have been researching charter schools just in case things don't pan out for my working at home, once my youngest is old enough for public school instead of daycare. I found a few interesting ones in other areas but so far none that seem good in my area. Luckily one is hiring for several positions next fall ranging from cook, to gardener, to classroom assistant. I plan on applying for each position that I qualify for, although I don't have a plan for the logistics of relocating if I am hired. I do no that if I can not continue to homeschool my kids having them go to a high quality charter school is my next priority.


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## light rain

How do you ascertain if a charter school is high quality or not unless you have references from parents whose kids go there?

I don't know where I stand on charter schools. In the MILW area thousands of $$$ have been sent down the drain because the people that started them either were not business-minded enough or not ethical enough to handle the responsibility.


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## BohemianWaxwing

light rain said:


> How do you ascertain if a charter school is high quality or not unless you have references from parents whose kids go there?
> 
> I don't know where I stand on charter schools. In the MILW area thousands of $$$ have been sent down the drain because the people that started them either were not business-minded enough or not ethical enough to handle the responsibility.


 I know what you mean, but, honestly, looking at the quality of education coming out of many public schools (especially in places where most of the residents don't have the financial wherewithal to homeschool OR choose private schools if they preferred to) I think that the money would be just as much "flushed" as it might be at a charter school. I like the idea that charter schools give parents at least SOME options on how their kids are educated. 

My kids did a year at a Montessori charter school and I appreciated being able to offer them better options than local schools would have provided without having to shell out big bucks for private school. It was enough effort to get the kids into the school that I knew the parents of their classmates were probably a little more concerned about their kids well-being than your average Joe in our less-than-stellar neighborhood might have been.


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## FarmerKat

light rain said:


> How do you ascertain if a charter school is high quality or not unless you have references from parents whose kids go there?
> 
> I don't know where I stand on charter schools. In the MILW area thousands of $$$ have been sent down the drain because the people that started them either were not business-minded enough or not ethical enough to handle the responsibility.


You really never know until your kids go. When we lived in Florida, we had 2 charter schools nearby with great reputation and lottery to get in. But we had friends whose kid got in and it was not a good match for him. They ended up pulling him out and he did much better in public school. But majority of parents were very happy with the charter school.

I sent my kids to preschool at age 2. I thought it would be good for them for 3 hours 3 times a week. This was considered the best preschool in our area and hard to get in (many parents were putting their kids on waiting list while still pregnant - my son only got in because someone moved). It was a horrible experience for my son and we were less than pleased with some of what was taught. I still regret leaving him there as long as I did. Afterwards I met parents who were not happy with them as well (and the teacher from my son's class disappeared from the school). But because of such a strong following this school had, everyone was afraid to speak up about any negative experiences.


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## sss3

Was raised in a very poor family As were cousins. We took this on as a challenge. Consequently, financially everyone of us has done well. We knew there would be no inheritance.


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## Bret

It looks like that you received a huge inheritance. Good work.


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## Maura

I just caught this thread. I was wondering how you were doing, Hill Betty?


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## spiritbear

I haven't read all the posts but some but I'm going to jump in anyways. First of all don't let other people's opinions bother you or sway how you raise your children. If you are doing the best you can then that is all that matters. For all those that comment on you receiving government money let me say this. I detest government spending, taxes and government as a whole. A good government is one that governs the lest and the best one is one that doesn't govern at all. But that's not the world we live in. Everything in our lives is touched, controlled and regulated by government and most people or families in this country receive some sort of government hand out whether it be a tax credit, school grant, farm subsidy or grant or a lower price on many products because the government subsidies that industry. Many people want small government and less spending when it comes to the poor but are ok with giving it to big companies, farms or military industrial contracts. For now we can't stop them taking it from us so while they steal our money we should be helping the ones in need first not the well established billionaires.

Keep up the great work mom. Look for homeschooling resources online and check Craigslist for used books. YouTube has tons of great school videos on any subject you can think of.


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## City Bound

HillBettyMama said:


> So as some of yay know I am a single mom and still trying to homeschool my children. I feel that God blessed me with my children and it is my calling to raise them up following the teachings of Christ and to teach them how to think and learn. I am constantly being belittled for keeping my kids at home!
> First of all I do not get welfare, you can not sign up for if you homeschool. I do however receive a housing subsidy and food stamps. My housing subsidy is only fifty dollars less than the gal who works at a fast food place full time and has her youngest ia state paid for daycare. I feel like every one else in my apartment complex is talking down to me for homeschooling, when they have to work so hard.
> I feel like I work hard to educate children, some days our lessons are six to eight hours (not book work but fun learning). I also spend a couple hours each day researching lessons and learning. Whe I went to college years ago I minored in both psychology and education, but I do not have a degree in either. The majority of my few jobs have been in the classroom with either preschool or kindergarten kids.
> I have been told I am a leach on the system and that they feel bad about having to pay their taxes for me to survive. This has always been from people who get large tax refunds and have their multiple kids in public education. I think the national average for taxpayers to send a kid to public school is ten to twelve grand per year. Even adding my housing subsidy and foodstamps together it does not equal the taxpayers dollars to send just one of my kids to public school.
> So please let me know your honest, even if it is harsh, opinion.


why does everyone at your apartment complex know all these personal things about you? Respect your privacy. We do not need to be an open book to every tom, sue, and harry that comes along.

Don't worry too much about the guilt. it sounds like you are doing what is right for you. It is better to be at home raising your kids and teaching them a moral life. When the kids are older I would recommend looking for a part time day job that allows you to come in at 9 and leave at 2. That way you can bring your kids to school and then pick them up.

What the kids will learn is that they are loved and that mommy stayed home to nurture them. If you get job once all the kids are in school then they will learn that mommy was a good person and that she really was not a bum abusing the system but rather that she found herself in hard times and accepted help until she could get back on her feet. 

Just keep on doing what you are doing.


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## Vikestand

Keep up the great work! Just block out the whiners.


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## wdcutrsdaughter

This is about taking children into your home -

1. Why did you agree to take on a child from a woman who is unkind to you and not going to reimburse you?
I was raised Catholic and attended 16 years of Catholic school so I completely understand being Christian means helping others but you should definitely first help 
yourself, by respecting yourself enough to remove toxic people from your life. I agree with the folks who say don't compare yourself to others and don't care what they think/say of you. 

2. If you do decide to take on a few children for compensation, find out how many your state allows before you need a family daycare license. In my state it is 3, not sure if that includes your own children or not. Never know if you accidentally go over the legal limit and one of your "critics" knows it and turns you in to the state.

Jealous people can be mean.


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