# What do your Children think?



## ceresone (Oct 7, 2005)

I find myself keeping ideas to myself--as my kids sound so irritated if I mention a new idea! Like pricing treated lumber--for new raised beds I'm going to construct--true, last year, after getting out of the hospital I was weak for several weeks-but now?? Even after hearing me price lumber, my Daughter just rolled her eyes- if I build it-and take care of it--I really dont think its their business, do you? I will know I'm old when I quit planning--true, I'll be 78 in July-but I CAN build--maybe slower, but I can still do it! Its my farm, and I live alone--so why shouldnt I?


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## light rain (Jan 14, 2013)

Perhaps they are just worried about your health and afraid you'll over do it? 

I'm younger than you but am beginning to realize sometimes my abilities have slowed down as far as lifting heavy objects etc...

What kind of treated wood? Some may have some chemicals you don't want next to vegetables...

Could kids or grandkids come over and help you with your raised beds? You'd have to be flexible as far as their time restraints.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

That's very sad, I'm sorry they treat you like this.

Maybe contact the local 4-H and see if a group of eager youngsters would like to come out and help you build beds?? 
I bet you could pick up most if not all the materials you need off of Craigs List CHEAP or free!!!

You do what you want to do....it's your life!!!


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## emdeengee (Apr 20, 2010)

We all have to learn to pace ourselves according to age and physical condition but there is nothing wrong with continuing to do new things and even challenge ourselves. But we have to be sensible and sometimes the opinions of others should be considered. Most kids are not out to humiliate their parents but are just concerned for safety. 

If they don't think that you should do something alone and you have a little voice in your head that says the same thing then ask for help. If that help is not forthcoming then go ahead and try on your own but maybe reevaluate what you need to do and make some changes.

Personally, I keep a lot of my plans to myself simply because I have always been independent but mainly because I don't need anyone's approval for what I choose to do. However I am realistic about myself and thus cautious in what I do.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Nowhere did she say she needed help. She was just TALKING to them about what she was doing.

Mon


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## emdeengee (Apr 20, 2010)

As I said I am all for doing what you want as long as you are age sensible and I personally don't feel the need for the approval of others or even sharing my plans with others. 

I realize she is only talking to them and considers them not to be supportive and is not asking for help. But sometimes when your family is worried about what you are talking about AND intending to do they would be willing to help if asked or even by volunteering. Being independent and proud is one thing but so is sharing your life with your family. Not all criticisms are intended to be negative.

And sometimes the elderly need to consider what the outcome would be if they did something that was risky and made them dependent on their families. Breaking YOUR hip means a life change for you but also for those who love you.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

do what ever you feel like doing Ceresone.you know by now what you can do. my son wouldn't think of rolling his eyes at me. he was in here for Mothers day replacing a post while I was fixing the retaining wall and he mentioned then he wished he had my energy. ~Georgia


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## CountryMom22 (Nov 27, 2014)

Sometimes my extended family will do things like this. They just don't understand WHY we do this. Most of them never will. They don't want to. It doesn't stop them from eating our produce or eggs. I just ignore them now. It's your life...you know what you want to do, you know what you are capable of doing. Just do it. To each his own!


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## kasilofhome (Feb 10, 2005)

Keep working, it's who you are. I've read enough of your post to know you are a doer. Could it be that you outshine them with your work ethics and put them to shame. Thus they need you to slow down so that they can't see what more they could be doing.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Ceresone:
I am 83, in a town new to me, children 5 hours away. I'm out here looking for a place for myself--anything from two acres to 40. 

We can either retire to the rocking chair and die, or we can get up and move on with our lives. Better to die with our boots on than gasping in some nursing home bed.

Build those raised beds; do whatever you are big enough to do.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Ox, I am five hours from my daughter and she is trying to get me to move closer to her.

I realize, that when my mother was dying, my sister wore herself out driving an hour and a half to take care of/help her. I totally realize that. I tell my daughter that when I'm ready to die, I'll move closer...my daughter thinks I'm being mean. LOL!

Mon


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## CountryMom22 (Nov 27, 2014)

Maybe the kids are afraid that you'll ask for their help? You have to do whatever makes you happy, it's your life. If we all listened to the others in our lives, we would never do anything. I think we all have at least one person in our lives who disagree with what we do or how we do it.

Make yourself happy. You only live once, so make the most of it! 

God Bless, Sue


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## Sharon (May 11, 2002)

I think you should do what you want as long as you can, however, I'd think about using treated lumber for raised beds, you don't want that to leach into your food plants, if they are just flowers, though no problem. Enjoy your life!


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## sisterpine (May 9, 2004)

I sure hope my family does not roll eyes at me when I come up with one more of my zillion ideas LOL. They do get on me about getting overheated pretty often...but I deserve that having had heat exhaustion and heat stroke in the past. I always think ; one more weed, one more row of mowing etc and sometimes someone feels the need to come out and drag me into the shade. I just feel so at peace when I am working the ground.


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## light rain (Jan 14, 2013)

Ceresone, it's been awhile. Folks gave lots of support and advice. Was any of it helpful?


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## emdeengee (Apr 20, 2010)

sisterpine said:


> I sure hope my family does not roll eyes at me when I come up with one more of my zillion ideas LOL. They do get on me about getting overheated pretty often...but I deserve that having had heat exhaustion and heat stroke in the past. I always think ; one more weed, one more row of mowing etc and sometimes someone feels the need to come out and drag me into the shade. I just feel so at peace when I am working the ground.


I am all for a zillion more ideas and in fact think I may have close to that number in mind. When my family makes comments or suggestions they do so out of love and concern and I take it that way.

I have never been one to seek permission or approval so have always done what I wanted. You often hear people say "he/she does not know her own strength" but as you age there is another truism "he/she does not know her own limitations". 

The reality is that we do end up with limits and it is often very, very hard to accept them. I will never forget the day my Dad said to the kids 'that's not how you do a handstand". And then with complete confidence he tried to show them. Could not do it. Still thought of himself as a prime 60 year old but time had snuck up on him and he was in still in great shape. For his age. He was so upset.

I used to be able to be out in the sun all day but now I have to go out in the early morning or late evening. Mind you where I live it is the land of the 23 hours of sun so that means midnight gardening.


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## ceresone (Oct 7, 2005)

Yes, lightrain, Its all helpful-but--they still have the expression "maybe Mom will forget it. BUT since I spent several hundred dollars on a electric fencing system this year to protect my in ground gardening--I plan on putting the raised beds there this fall. I have abt 40 bales of old hay for the bottoms, then horse manure/bedding from the barn--then amended soil on top.should be ready to plant by spring--if the tractor and I hold on! Thanks everyone


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## gibbsgirl (May 1, 2013)

ceresone said:


> I find myself keeping ideas to myself--as my kids sound so irritated if I mention a new idea! Like pricing treated lumber--for new raised beds I'm going to construct--true, last year, after getting out of the hospital I was weak for several weeks-but now?? Even after hearing me price lumber, my Daughter just rolled her eyes- if I build it-and take care of it--I really dont think its their business, do you? I will know I'm old when I quit planning--true, I'll be 78 in July-but I CAN build--maybe slower, but I can still do it! Its my farm, and I live alone--so why shouldnt I?


OK, sounds like me and my dad. I he man is smart as heck and very capable. But, he's not ad young as he has used to be. My manta to him is "grow old gracefully". And we have struggled with it. There's only me and my household to care for him, so I do think it's rightly my business.

Sometimes his judgment us not good, and my hubby who has worked on things with him for many years has told me multiple times, he's noticeably slower and sometimes forgetful or a little ADHD about things. It gas led to multiple things being started, but not finished for an unreasonable amount if time.

Now part of that is aging, but I also think that he bounces around because he doesn't know what he wants to do. So he tries lots of stuff, but sometimes he loses interest. I think that is not senility. It's because my mom died and then my dad was forced to retire sooner than he thought. So, while his retirement has been good, it also hasn't been what he imagined at all.

The best progress we've made is by him trying to be more vocal to me about the things he's planning to do and how he'll manage his limits. And, me being more vocal about where my limits are.

Example, he makes an effort to point out to me that he's noticed its getting hot so he'll only work for a few hours early or Kate in the day. He'll let me know, he's made a point of stating hydrated, it that he's planning a quiet weekend because he worked pretty hard and should give his bones a bit of a rest. It helps me to know so I don't have to worry about another exhaustion hospitalization .

Example, he now respects me when I say my limits. He wants to travel frequently alone. I had his give me a debit card for an acct he opened. I don't always have enough cash on hand to drop everything and start hauling my kids on a last minute trip. But, now that I have the card, I have enough card on hand 24/7 to jump in the truck and get gas, food, motel immediately in case he gets I'll or into an accident while traveling.

Example, my dad has had several mostly minor accidents in the last ten years. But he's still insureabke and licensed and a grown man, so i'm not trying to force him off the road. But, he has accepted that, unless it's basically an emergency, he's not allowed to drive me and my kids anywhere. There are just too many distractions inside the vehicle for him to manage what's happening on the road.

We've struggled with this, but it's only improved because he's making sure he's communicating with me how he's planning appropriately for an older guy's work/activity level, and because he's respecting me when I say I really can't handle something happening, like the examples above.


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## Declan (Jan 18, 2015)

ceresone said:


> I find myself keeping ideas to myself--as my kids sound so irritated if I mention a new idea! Like pricing treated lumber--for new raised beds I'm going to construct--true, last year, after getting out of the hospital I was weak for several weeks-but now?? Even after hearing me price lumber, my Daughter just rolled her eyes- if I build it-and take care of it--I really dont think its their business, do you? I will know I'm old when I quit planning--true, I'll be 78 in July-but I CAN build--maybe slower, but I can still do it! Its my farm, and I live alone--so why shouldnt I?


Do whatever you want. If they eyeroll you tell them that reminds you that you need to go update your will


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## Bellyman (Jul 6, 2013)

What do they think?... hmmm... I'm not exactly sure.

I think they know that they're not likely to get much when we croak. Don't have much.

I think they think we're nuts for not being in the thick of the corporate world making big bucks. 

I think they think we're quite odd for both our religious beliefs and our beliefs that we want to live simpler lives out away from a lot of what they consider "civilization". 

To each their own.


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## emdeengee (Apr 20, 2010)

Declan said:


> Do whatever you want. If they eyeroll you tell them that reminds you that you need to go update your will


That is cute and funny. However the reality is that most children are not counting the days and pennies until their parents die. They love their parents and want to help then and to even protect them. 

If on the other hand you do have kids who are only interested in their inheritance then why are you even telling them about your life? or involving them in it?


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## boolandk (Sep 20, 2003)

Live your life and don't worry about anyone else.


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## light rain (Jan 14, 2013)

Ceresone, how's it going? Kids being a little more understanding?

What are you growing for food or beauty this summer?

My DH saw a mulberry tree behind some cottonwood trees and now I'm on a mission to try to put some wet moss around an upper section and wrap in plastic and foil to try to root it. We may need that space in the near future.


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## ceresone (Oct 7, 2005)

i have 2 gardens--the big one where I'm wanting to make the new beds are overgrown with grass--all this rain! On the other hand, tomatoes are getting ripe, corn, cucumbers, squash, beans--all the rest coming on strong! Raspberries and blackberries ripe, losing all stone crops to brown rot--apples doing good.
Nope, kids still rolling their eyes!--and I have raised beds on and around my deck-with a mixture of flowers and food.
Fell to my knees on concrete garage floor few weeks back-slowed me down some--but still up and at it--Thanks for asking.


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## sisterpine (May 9, 2004)

Good morning Ceresone! Every time I see your moniker I think of Creosote trees and remind myself, yet again, to go out and see if I have any LOL.

I was just re reading this thread and realizing how blessed I am to have a daughter and brother who look out for my habit of over doing things! Was out in the little garden yesterday pulling the remaining carrots I hoped to can when DB walked out and started pulling them for me and tossing them at my feet (I was sitting on my little tractor seat wheeled thingy). It was nice to have someone visit me in the garden where I am generally left alone and unfortunately I realized that I have grown more carrots than I have available jars right now .

Please keep on being you, all of you! Your kids and the rest of the world would miss you if you changed! Blessings, sis


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## ceresone (Oct 7, 2005)

SisterPine, my Rottweiler (that died in 1991) name was Ceres-when I rejoined computerland, they didnt recognize it--so I added the one, Now--did you have any trees? LOL


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## 1948CaseVAI (May 12, 2014)

ceresone said:


> I find myself keeping ideas to myself--as my kids sound so irritated if I mention a new idea! Like pricing treated lumber--for new raised beds I'm going to construct--true, last year, after getting out of the hospital I was weak for several weeks-but now?? Even after hearing me price lumber, my Daughter just rolled her eyes- if I build it-and take care of it--I really dont think its their business, do you? I will know I'm old when I quit planning--true, I'll be 78 in July-but I CAN build--maybe slower, but I can still do it! Its my farm, and I live alone--so why shouldnt I?


If any of my children EVER roll their eyes at me they will need to worry about their own health, in the near future anyway. Do as you wish!!!


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