# Being loved on versus being loved



## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

Recently I had the opportunity to have a short r'ship that was very enjoyable, that ended well, but that nonetheless left a small hollow spot in me.

Rather than go into the particulars of the short relationship, I would rather ask the group: would a person prefer (if given the choice) to be "loved", or to be "loved on"? 

Would you rather be doted on, showered with affection, receive gifts for no reason, and have nothing but top-shelf one on one time and constant affection? With the caveat that things were simply meant to be fun, easypeasy, and that if it stopped tomorrow there'd be some sadness but they'd move on?

Or, would you rather have someone that didn't always treat you like a king / queen, that wasn't always attentive, didn't always show their feelings... but nonetheless truly loved you and couldn't live without you?

Obviously to be both loved on *and* loved would be ideal, but if you had to pick just one, which would you pick?


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## BackwoodsHunter (Nov 17, 2013)

Truly loved. That's all that matters when you are laying on your deathbed holding their hand. Gifts and mess won't matter much at that point but true love and years spent with someone who truly loves you will. That's the kinda partner I'm looking for. A true love to be with me until the end.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

I am thinking the same thing. The gifts and all that are nice and all but they just seem to be the glitter, I want the rock, ya know the kind that stays steady all the way through. Life is full of carp but if someone is willing to stay with you and fight with you through what life throws at you, well that is like a diamond to me.


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

I want to be loved. The other stuff is fake and short lived. I want someone to love and be loved back. 

Of course my romantic displays of love is when he brings home hand picked flowers, or .22 shells...LOL


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## dustyroad (Nov 13, 2013)

I would be delighted to find a lady who has some understanding of what I'm trying to do here. The kind I seem to find want me to go travelling with them and they get quite cranky when I say no thanks.
I believe 2 like minded people can grow into love especially if they are both busy on the same project. I never get away from here and don't particularly want to so the opportunities to go a courting are pretty rare. Yup, mail order bride should do the trick and love will grow.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Ditto all the above. I'd just be repeating it.
ETA: Except the mail order bride part.


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

View attachment 18661​
Just sayin...

~ST


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

Look, I've HAD that kind of love, the till-death-do-us-part kind - and that's what parted us: death.

It wasn't always pretty, it wasn't always neat. We lived together, we lived apart. It did not look like Disney or any nifty song on the radio. But we simply could not stay apart, and we worked, and worked, and worked at it. 

I know people that say if it is good, it is easy. Maybe that is so. Mine wasn't easy, but it was ---- good. 

~ST


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

I agree with so much that y'all are saying, but I'd guess there are a few amongst us that have been in a r'ship, had that "true love", but were absolutely miserable regardless... that their partner loved them and couldn't live without them, but at the same time they both just made each other unhappy and despite their best efforts could never get on the same page.

To me, I had *never* experienced the level of affection or attention I'd been receiving (which is not to say I hadn't experienced them - I have - but just not to such an extent as this). But ultimately I agree with those that side with love... I wonder if there are any that would choose the other? The "being loved on?"... Someone that would just prefer the pampering and romance novel atmosphere, even if it was probably to be short lived?
For me, it was amazingly fun, and I'll carry with it good memories, but I'm left scratching my head a little.


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

I want true love...he doesn't have to agree with me all the time...wait on me hand and foot...wine and dine me...but he must love as hard as he plays...stick by me through the hard times...be my friend...and be HONEST!


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

I want true love.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

To be loved by someone you love....priceless!


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

But if you have the love and are still unhappy?


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## BackwoodsHunter (Nov 17, 2013)

Then it's not true love


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## catspjamas (Jul 14, 2013)

True love.


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Being loved!


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## gilpnh1 (Nov 11, 2013)

Wuvvvv, twuuu wuvvvv


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

You get loved on when you're both "in like". Loved when it's real.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

I can and do have male friends but I don't think I could do casual friends with benefits. I would feel hollow after too.

I guess I am an all or nothing kinda gal when it comes to relationships.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Mutual true love.


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

I Just want to "Love" someone,besides Myself, Unconditionally. Being "Loved on",or someone Loving you is fine-feels good*,but nothing compares-to the Love that you can have-deep in your soul,for another.*


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## Guest (Dec 7, 2013)

In my world, the two are not exclusive..people in love wake up every day and say to themselves, "What can I do to make him/her smile today?" 

I cannot imagine being truy in love with someone who also loves me, and being unhappy..what's to be unhappy about???????


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## jwal10 (Jun 5, 2010)

I grew up without much love. At 13 I found my true love but for some reason she drifted away. Worst time of my life, as bad as when I lost my Grandfather at 12. So suddenly. At 16 I found my true love and now we are loving on each other. 40 years now.

I feel for people who had it but for no fault of their own it went away. I can not imagine not having real love, everyday. It settles my soul. BUT the real hurt would be, not being able to give it back. That is what makes life so fulfilling, giving back what your Sweetheart gives to you, freely, unconditionally. I REALLY like loving on MY Sweetie.

We do everything together, cooking, cleaning, putting up the Christmas decorations. Our kitchen is tiny but it is so much fun working so close together. If you open the refrigerator door you have to be in sinc or you get all tangled up. Tangled up is fun but not so if you both have a sharp knife. We spend days at a time on this tiny 40'x 60' lot in our tiny 400 sq ft cottage, never a lonely moment. We look forward to tomorrow and what God gives us....James


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Twp.Tom said:


> I Just want to "Love" someone,besides Myself, Unconditionally. Being "Loved on",or someone Loving you is fine-feels good*,but nothing compares-to the Love that you can have-deep in your soul,for another.*


I love this and I too believe in soul bounding with another.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

That's a hard one. Had both. The first like ta killed me when it ended.


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## oregon woodsmok (Dec 19, 2010)

It feels really different when someone is taking from you and someone is giving to you. I'd rather have the giving to me feel in a relationship.

I don't mean that it should be all about me. I am happy to give in return. It's about the other person's attitude. Giving gifts can be a "taking", if the gifts are given with strings or expectations.


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

I have never had a problem "giving". Receiving, is different,sometimes, I have this feeling that I owe now? I have heard that you must receive graciously,as well as give.I hope that this is coming out/sounding right(not intended to sound offensive). I think that personalities play in to this quite a bit. If you are "really independent",sometimes people may shy away from gifts,Love,help,etc. All I really want is for Love to feel "genuine",it's something that can't be faked,it's not easy, and when you are "in it",you "know it". My Mom was a very special Person,I learned a lot from her-One of the things I learned is "Unconditional Love".No matter how rotten I was/acted,while growing,Mom told me,that" she would always Love me".And that she would "Pray for me"(I really needed it at times). I felt the same about my Mom,My "Best Friend". I sure do miss her*. I know this may be a bit of a thread drift-but this is one of my "lessons of Love". I hope this makes sense?-Ya, I know,I just admitted I am a "Momma's Boy",but I am proud of it,as this was the most important Love of My Life.:angel:


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## Classof66 (Jul 9, 2011)

I want the true love. And I will return the same.


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## calliemoonbeam (Aug 7, 2007)

gilpnh1 said:


> Wuvvvv, twuuu wuvvvv


Ohmigosh, I almost posted this, but I didn't know if anyone would get it, lol! It's a Princess Bride movie reference, in case anyone doesn't know it.

I would definitely vote for true love. I had a guy in my life who really, really loved me, and he did the "loving on" constantly, and it was just too much, too intense. It was nice in the beginning, and I reciprocated, but I started to feel guilty because I didn't love him, and while I can "love on" someone with the best of them, it began to feel like a job and I began to resent it.

We had kind of a bad breakup, but a few years later were able to hash it out and become friends again. He was probably the best friend I ever had, knew him since I was 14 and he was 17. We were friends for years before becoming a couple, but he said he had always loved me. He was also probably the only person in my life who ever loved me and took me just as I was, didn't want to change me or anything. He died in 2001, and I still miss him.

Well, sorry to run on, but that was probably the best "loved on" you can get, and it still wasn't enough. I'll hold out for true love.


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## fordy (Sep 13, 2003)

...............Too much 'Love' can smother the relationship , when one side is trying to sort out their feelings . They feel compelled to reciprocate with the same level of intensity but they're never allowed to be separated from the 'Smotherer' . A man who constantly dominates a ladies time can sense when she is less committed than he is . So , his growing insecurity motivates him to convince her that 'they' are made for each other , when , in reality , he is driving her farther away . Had he given her plenty of time to sort out her feelings , she might have discovered she cared more for him than she realized . , fordy


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Sope folks caterwaul, "I ain't got no one to love me!". Well, *I* caterwaul, "I ain't got no one to love!" Yeah, I'm in a deep purple funk right now. Ugh!


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

I say, "Wine me, dine me,  me!"

(You guess the part of the rhyme I left out.) ound:


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

Ewwww! You're a bad girl!


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## DEKE01 (Jul 17, 2013)

Every relationship is different. I say true love is WAY better. Some folks say my DW and I have a weird relationship, and it is true. We are apart for weeks at a time, have very different interests, live our own lives, sometimes vacationing separately with our own friends. But when we are apart we talk most every day and I'm always thinking I can't wait to tell her about whatever has happened that day. What keeps us together is love and a common goal of moving to the farm full time. 

I have a male acquaintance who was divorced after a 20 year marriage. He hates living alone and "hires" his girlfriends. If his stories are to be believed, he has sex with LOTS of different women, young, beautiful fems. There is no stopping his tales of wild sex. I sit at a poker table with him on occasion and some of the guys like to hear his stories, so I hear more than I would like. His latest deal is that the girl said she would be his girlfriend if he would bring her to the US from central America, and put her thru jr college. He's very happy and bragging about his good fortune to have found this "girlfriend". IMO, it is incredibly sad. He thinks sex = love, or at least that's the way he talks. I just shake my head and thank the Lord I found my DW all those years ago. I don't know what I would do without her.


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## calliemoonbeam (Aug 7, 2007)

Okay Willow, you owe me a new keyboard, ROFL! The screen I can clean, but strong sweet tea doesn't come out of keyboards so well. I haven't heard that expression in over 20 years, didn't think a "youngster" like you would have even heard it. :hysterical:

Fordy, that was a very insightful post. I think you hit the nail on the head. The guy I mentioned wouldn't have been the love of my life, but I think I could have grown to love him and been happy with him, as I did have strong feelings in the beginning. If he just hadn't smothered me, but you're right, the more I pulled away, the worse he got.

But I find myself a lot of times, working on the homestead, and thinking "If only B. was here now, we'd enjoy doing this together so much". I can't say that about any other guy in my life. Who knows, we might have grown old together very happily. :shrug:


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

I miss having someone love me.


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

willow_girl said:


> I say, "Wine me, dine me,  me!"
> 
> (You guess the part of the rhyme I left out.) ound:


"Brine me"?


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## homstdr74 (Jul 4, 2011)

nehimama said:


> "Brine me"?


I was going to say "Fine me", but then, that'd be judging her....:hysterical:


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

willow_girl said:


> I say, "Wine me, dine me,  me!"
> 
> (You guess the part of the rhyme I left out.) ound:





nehimama said:


> "Brine me"?





homstdr74 said:


> I was going to say "Fine me", but then, that'd be judging her....:hysterical:


How 'bout "...and slide in behind me." ;p


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Warwalk said:


> Recently I had the opportunity to have a short r'ship that was very enjoyable, that ended well, but that nonetheless left a small hollow spot in me.
> 
> Rather than go into the particulars of the short relationship, I would rather ask the group: would a person prefer (if given the choice) to be "loved", or to be "loved on"?


Loved, deeply.
With that, comes the 'loved on' part.
Knowing you are loved deeply, lets you know that the 'loved on' part is real and not just physical.



> Would you rather be doted on, showered with affection, receive gifts for no reason, and have nothing but top-shelf one on one time and constant affection? With the caveat that things were simply meant to be fun, easypeasy, and that if it stopped tomorrow there'd be some sadness but they'd move on?


No



> Or, would you rather have someone that didn't always treat you like a king / queen, that wasn't always attentive, didn't always show their feelings... but nonetheless truly loved you and couldn't live without you?


Yes



> Obviously to be both loved on *and* loved would be ideal, but if you had to pick just one, which would you pick?


To be deeply loved.
The security, and 'wholeness' that comes from being loved is greater than just the 'emotional / physical' non-permenate emotions.


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## countrytime (Sep 23, 2012)

"Or, would you rather have someone that didn't always treat you like a king / queen, that wasn't always attentive, didn't always show their feelings... but nonetheless truly loved you and couldn't live without you?"

There is no question that this would be ideal---does this even exist anymore?


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> Okay Willow, you owe me a new keyboard, ROFL! The screen I can clean, but strong sweet tea doesn't come out of keyboards so well. I haven't heard that expression in over 20 years, didn't think a "youngster" like you would have even heard it.


Yeah, it is from about 20 years ago, isn't it? 

I remember because back then, I worked in a office full of wild women. Once we had a bachelorette party for one who was getting married. Rented the county trolley bus to go bar-hopping ... bought her a T-shirt that had that saying printed on the front and made her wear it all night. Oh those were some good times ... ound:


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

sustainabilly said:


> How 'bout "...and slide in behind me." ;p


The number 69, pop in my head...dont have a clue as to why....LOL


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

Let the record show ... *I* didn't say that ... ound:


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

.....I think we are all just a bit to cold right now...


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

Definitely!!!!!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Jeez, If MY name had been on somma these posts, you wouldn't have seen them, and I wouldn't be here lol


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

Fowler said:


> The number 69, pop in my head...dont have a clue as to why....LOL


Most likely considering your weather, the temp you'd like it to be right now. Yeah, I'm sure that is the reasoning behind it, uh huh 

~ST


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## DEKE01 (Jul 17, 2013)

I think the nice thing about Willow Girl is that while she can be quite demanding about what she wants, it appears that she is also a giving person.


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

Ooh,,,,Ooh,,,,Prime me,,,,,,Did I get it right,,huh,,did I,,,??????


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

You guys crack me up!


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

So if you've known love and it didn't last because you grew apart does it mean it wasn't real because it was very real to me?


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

bajiay said:


> You guys crack me up!



Okay,,,,:lookout:


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

Tambo-I don't think it means it wasn't real...just sounds like someone wasn't giving their 100%


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

tambo said:


> So if you've known love and it didn't last because you grew apart does it mean it wasn't real because it was very real to me?


I felt love once, and I gave unconditional love back. It was very real. I hope someday to find mutual unconditional love again, and this time I hope their not insane.....LOL


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

Fowler said:


> I felt love once, and I gave unconditional love back. It was very real. I hope someday to find mutual unconditional love again, and this time I hope their not insane.....LOL


I'm glad I wasn't eating or drinking anything when I read this!!


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

I seem to be unlucky in LOVE, I hope that changes before I die...LOL


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Fowler said:


> The number 69, pop in my head...dont have a clue as to why....LOL


Okay, that'll work. Heck, any port in a storm.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

Fowler said:


> I felt love once, and I gave unconditional love back. It was very real. I hope someday to find mutual unconditional love again, and this time I hope their not insane.....LOL


An old lover of mine used to advise, "Always give the sanity test _before_ the sex test ... "


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

What if I don't like wine, can I get the rest???? rincess:


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

shanzone2001 said:


> What if I don't like wine, can I get the rest???? rincess:



You could substitute "Whine",,,,,not sure it'll work the same though :hrm:


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

ummm....I'm still trying to figure out what rhymes with wine and dine!! Someone wanna pm me?


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Roadless! PM sent!


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

umm ohhhhh good grief I feel stupid!! :facepalm: thanks....


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

roadless said:


> umm ohhhhh good grief I feel stupid!! :facepalm: thanks....


That's okay! I didn't get it, either, 'til someone leaked the answer in one of the replies. LOL!


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## calliemoonbeam (Aug 7, 2007)

I used to run with bikers in the 70s and 80s. I've heard WAY worse than that, lol. Sometimes it was like a competition to see which guy could come up with the most risque line. I can't even think of any euphemisms clean enough to repeat any of them here!


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

roadless said:


> umm ohhhhh good grief I feel stupid!! :facepalm: thanks....


Don't feel bad Roadless, I had to google it!! Then I was like, ohhhh......LOL


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

RubyRed said:


> Don't feel bad Roadless, I had to google it!! Then I was like, ohhhh......LOL


Of course you could google it. Rule 34, If you can think of it, there's porn of it.


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

RubyRed said:


> Don't feel bad Roadless, I had to google it!! Then I was like, ohhhh......LOL


I did too!


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

From the comments I've read, one of the themes I see is that love is, for the most part, equated with happiness and contentment. In my particular case, my r'ship that had love was *not* happy, unfortunately. I mean, years ago it was, but the final decade we weren't happy with each other. One fight begat another, and each time we'd move to try to fix things it broke down and went back to fighting. Still, there was love. Twooo love. But we were miserable.
I still think much as most - that love should be what is aspired to. But perhaps what I should have asked was "love w/ unhappiness vs caring w/ lots of happiness".


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

I think also, sometimes in the youth of a relationship, when one party says "I love you", what they're really saying is "I care about you, and I'm willing to make a commitment". Therefore, if one party drops the L word, and the other simply responds with "I care about you", it doesn't have to be the end of the world, and sometimes patience is a person's best friend at times such as that. The other might find you attractive - might not want to be away from you - might adore you - but for what could be a myriad of reasons they either will not or cannot pledge such intimacy, or commit to such seriousness.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Warwalk said:


> I think also, sometimes in the youth of a relationship, when one party says "I love you", what they're really saying is "I care about you, and I'm willing to make a commitment".


I agree.
I think people use the word 'love' wrecklessly.
I don't think many really understand the depth and breadth of that word.




> Therefore, if one party drops the L word, and the other simply responds with "I care about you", it doesn't have to be the end of the world, and sometimes patience is a person's best friend at times such as that. The other might find you attractive - might not want to be away from you - might adore you - but for what could be a myriad of reasons they either will not or cannot pledge such intimacy, or commit to such seriousness.


When you can imagine changing the other persons colostomy bag, with the pure joy of just having them with you....then you can start thinking about using the 'l' word.

For better, for worse, richer or poor, sickness and health.

Love is one of two power filled 4 letter words.
Hate, is the other.

Use them with extreme caution.


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