# I missed you SO much! Minor SHTF situation.



## MisFitFarm (Dec 31, 2007)

I'm back after a little over two weeks without the computer, and boy did I learn a lot. Let me back up and explain a little.

My future ex-husband has problems with depression, has since he was young. He refuses to get help, and won't even take anything over the counter, like St. John's. Anyway, he has what I call melt downs periodically. He yanked the power cord out of the computer one too many times, tried to "fix" it, did more damage and, well, you get the picture. In the mean time, the truck that I drive mysteriously suffered some damage to the pulley on the alternator, damage which several mechanics swear could not have happened naturally, so I have also been without a vehicle, and have no way to leave the farm. As if that wasn't enough, my cell phone died again. Again, no reason that I could find, after my husband finally agreed to take it in to the AT&T store, it started working again, they say there is nothing wrong with it. Who knows?

So, after a little over two weeks on the farm with no transportation, no Internet, and no cell phone I've learned that I CAN live without a cellphone, no problem. It's just a convenience and a lot of times a nuisance. Living with out the truck was more of an aggravation than not having the phone, after all I still had the home phone. I'm well stocked on groceries, and feed, but I couldn't do anything if it involved leaving the farm. I really didn't like that.

Now for the Biggie. I DID NOT like not having the Internet! I never realized how much I use it for, and I don't mean just entertainment. I search animal health questions, farming, solar options, recipes, you name it. And I just didn't realize how much until it was gone. That's not to say that I couldn't live without it, it's just an inconvenience to do it. So now I'm more determined than ever to stock up on hard copy materials in case I'm without it permanently, I can at least look up the answers to questions that arise.

I feel like a junkie, getting my Homesteading fix!!


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## FalconDance (Feb 4, 2007)

You're back now, MisFit, and you're ok --- that's what's important.


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## MisFitFarm (Dec 31, 2007)

Thank you Falcon! It's really nice to not feel so alone anymore.


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## TxCloverAngel (Jun 20, 2005)

welcome back!!!!


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## ericjeeper (Feb 25, 2006)

"Jonesing" LOL Sorry about your bout of bad luck?
So much I would like to ask about why the future Ex and you still live together.. But I will refrain from asking thanks.


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## MisFitFarm (Dec 31, 2007)

That's ok, Eric. We still live together because of his problems, and the fact that before now I had no where to go. At times he's screaming at us to leave, and others begging me to stay. I finally had to admit that you can't "fix" someone who won't fix themselves. So I've found a farm and will be moving as soon as possible. To be honest, he doesn't know for sure that I'm leaving, and I feel bad about that. But with the violent tendencies he has, I think it's better to do it slowly.


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## Cyngbaeld (May 20, 2004)

Hope the move goes smoothly and safely! Welcome home!


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## AngieM2 (May 10, 2002)

Welcome home MisFit.... remember to stay aware and watch out for yourself.

Not having the internet would be a lonesome thing.

Angie


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## unregistered29228 (Jan 9, 2008)

Be careful, dear. All those things happening to YOUR computer, phone and vehicle make me wonder if it's more than a coincidence. Especially if you may be leaving him....just take care.


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## hintonlady (Apr 22, 2007)

MisFitFarm said:


> That's ok, Eric. We still live together because of his problems, and the fact that before now I had no where to go. At times he's screaming at us to leave, and others begging me to stay. I finally had to admit that you can't "fix" someone who won't fix themselves. So I've found a farm and will be moving as soon as possible. To be honest, he doesn't know for sure that I'm leaving, and I feel bad about that. But with the violent tendencies he has, I think it's better to do it slowly.



I survived this exact situation a couple years ago.

I'm concerned for the "us" part. My "us" (DH) has some long term things we need to sort out. There is always someplace to go. A violent mentally ill person is dangerous. My son and I ended up heading to a domestic violence shelter in the middle of the night. They helped me get a new start. If you have a plan, good. If things get scary, please know there are other
options that are not as bad as you may think.

Please keep records of outbursts. This may become important in custody issues or if the need to have him involuntarily checked in arises.

I don't mean to be nosey. Like I said, I have lived it. I am just concerned for you and want you to know I care and am willing to help if you want.

You cannot fix them, it took me many years to figure that out. It is so hard to watch the slow decline of a loved one, I know....I know.:grouphug:


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## MisFitFarm (Dec 31, 2007)

hintonlady said:


> I don't mean to be nosey. Like I said, I have lived it. I am just concerned for you and want you to know I care and am willing to help if you want.
> 
> You cannot fix them, it took me many years to figure that out. It is so hard to watch the slow decline of a loved one, I know....I know.:grouphug:


Bless your heart! Thank you so much! I have my 17 year old daughter, don't know what I would do without her, and all the critters to move. We have found the perfect place, where we can all be together. Now, we just have to get there!

Again, thank you so much!!


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## Ann-NWIowa (Sep 28, 2002)

Be very careful. It is a well known fact that the most dangerous time with an abusive spouse is when you leave. Maybe signing papers on him for a 3 day mental health evaluation would give you the space you need to move. Might even convince him he needs help. Watch your back and your dd's. Things could esculate quickly into a very deadly situation.


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## texican (Oct 4, 2003)

I have some extra hacksaws... should I bake one in a cake, and send it to you? 

Hope your hubby gets to feeling better. Two weeks without a computer... that's torture. Makes me want to go out and download some extra huge sites, so I can still browse, once the internet is dead, post shtf... {I save them on cds or dvds... you can browse, just like you're online}


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## tiffnzacsmom (Jan 26, 2006)

Hintonlady is 100% correct there is always someplaces to go you can look up women's shelters in your area online or if nervous post your location and someone can look it up for you and send you a phone number without anything else included. A few years ago a friend of mine was shot by her husband after she left him, left behind an infant. Be safe.


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## hintonlady (Apr 22, 2007)

National number so that no matter where you are, even if you had to race down a road they can tell you what safe place os closest.

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)


Please be careful in revealing information about your plan. You may find that having a private new location will be a nice thing and help you sleep better. A local DV shelter can help with court advocates and advice in case "hiding" with a minor in your state is a concern. At 17 your daughter can choose her own level of contact. 

Keep a small getaway bag packed, just in case. You can keep it at a friends house. Put copies of legal documents/birth certs etc. in it and money if you can. That way if you have to you can leave fast, like if he is having an outburst and then takes a shower.....

I left NC with 1/4 tank of gas and $20 cash. by gods will I made it far enough to feel safe (IL) and into a nice shelter. Snuck out while he was snoring at 5 a.m. was in IL and in a safe place by late that night.

Just want you to know, IF you get scared, it CAN be done. If you feel safe, that is up to you............


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## FalconDance (Feb 4, 2007)

MisFit, you need a place, let me know. Our place may be small, but it's safe and we take care as best we can of "our own".


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## tab (Aug 20, 2002)

Please take heed of what hintonlady is saying! "Depression" is often times an excuse for abuse, depression doesn't make an excuse for violence. Search out some websites about domestic abuse abnd see if the shoe fits better than the depression label. Clear your history when you are done. Deperession doesn't make someone ruin your computer or try to isolate you. Please be careful, your post just makes my stomach knot. Many of us have been there and done that and it can go from so-so to extremely bad in the flash of a word.....


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## cougargnw (Aug 6, 2007)

Take heed what others are saying about violent tendencies. You may even want to talk to the local police about a restraining order or how to get the process started. I know more about this kind of behavior than I care to. Be ready for the worst.


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## Michelle (Feb 20, 2008)

1st - I'm glad you've found a new place! Be careful in your move.

2nd - If you find informative pages on the internet you'd like to "back up" you can always click the "File" menu on Internet Explorer and then "Save As". It will save the page you are on to your harddrive. It won't save a whole website, but just the page you're currently on. This way you have a "hard copy" of certain webpages you'd like to refer back to and in the case of no internet you can still access that info (unlike favorites).

Of course I burn up our printer by printing out actual hard copies of info I like to keep. Binders are my friends. 

Hope that helps.


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## GBov (May 4, 2008)

I have to join the band on this one, watch your back hun, leaving is the most dangerous time in a situation like yours.

Blessed Be and be carefull!


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## MisFitFarm (Dec 31, 2007)

I just have to say you all are the most wonderful people! It really helps to feel that you're not so alone, even if it's not physically.

Things are progressing slowly, but surely. If things get bad quickly, we have friends two tenths of a mile up the road that know the situation. We have a key to their house, and 24/7 permission to use it. That would be a get out quick/worst case scenario plan.

Right now my two biggest problems are my health, and the dreaded money! My blood pressure has been up for the past few days(wonder why?), and try as I might I just haven't been able to find that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow! Not even a money tree to shake, darn it! 

If things go as planned, we will be going to the new farm this weekend to finish pens for the animals, that will be a big load off my mind. Notice I say if things go as planned? He works for a radio station 35 miles away, when he has to work on the weekend, the tell him to keep the station vehicle. Since the truck isn't working right, and his car will just be sitting there until Monday Morning, I'm hoping to persuade him to let me use it. Keep your fingers crossed, if we can get there this weekend and finish a few things, this will be a major step and we can move by the end of the month!

Again, thanks for all your thoughts and concern. If it's not asking too much, could you just keep us in your Prayers? They're greatly appreciated!


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## GBov (May 4, 2008)

You might try the "I know you have been feeling a bit down so I want to cook you a special meal and need to go to town for XYZ for it" card.

A bit devious but it usually works if they think they are getting something for the use of the car.

Prayers you are in, good luck hun


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## hintonlady (Apr 22, 2007)

I would just like to point out that even if he is a primary bread winner to deny you pocket change or vehicle use (some women can't even have house keys) is a sign of......


I think you know what I'm getting at don't you?


It is very easy to feel defeated and depressed which saps your will to move on. If i hadn't shot out of my situation like a bolt of lightning I could still be there. I made reasons and excuses too.

There has got to be a domestic violence shelter, church group or someone that could help you in your transitional time if you are so close to spreading those wings. Start being proactive and make those calls. Once you really mean the words I'm leaving and make a plan/take steps it is very freeing.

Asking to use the car when he has an extra........that just isn't right.


edited to ad: Call the number I posted and start with them. If he is away it is a good time to start dialing numbers. Maybe the first 17 churches say, nope were broke....but what about that 18th one? you just never know.

As for that line, they have resources all over the country. It would be best if you could be eased into your new place. That frees up a room in a shelter for a woman who doesn't have a place. Call the local animal rescue, plead your case, ask if someone could PLEASE help build your pens or hold your stock for a short time. 

If you honestly explain how hard times are and ask nicely for help you will find it. First step is to pick up a phone and a phone book.

Trust me, been there. your biggest battle isn't money it's getting up and moving things along.


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## Horse Fork Farm (Jan 3, 2006)

Reading this thread made my stomach knot up -- its just like I'm living it all over again. Please take the good advice you've been given! PLEASE watch your back! Its a leap of faith just getting out, but you'll never see your situation clearly until you do. Once you're out and you look back, you probably won't understand why you stayed so long. It takes distance to get your perspective back. I really would make a point of going to the local police and explaining your fears about his violence and let them know where you are moving. If they have to come out for anything they'll know where to come and also what they're dealing with. You have my prayers with you... Kathy


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## hintonlady (Apr 22, 2007)

You have precious little time left to teach your daughter a young woman, to stand tall against abuse.

Everything she learned from her parents will some day be her fate. If she doesn't learn that Mom demands respect she never will either. That is how I ended up in my situation. 

Do you want to see her follow in your past foot steps or do you want her to see that there is something better out there?

It isn't about you, it's about your child and even maybe your grandchildren. Your choices today, right now are VERY important.


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## Madame (Jan 1, 2003)

When I was in my late 40's I was told that I was/am clinically depressed and I began taking meds. I had avoided them prior to this because I didn't want to be a walking zombie. If your DB wants to talk to someone about the plusses and minuses of antidepressants, he is welcome to pm me.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Even if he is depressed, he is still responsible for his actions.

This might sound hard-nosed, but there is mental illnesses in my husbands family. DH is depressed often: his doctor says it is genetic.

He treats us VERY well, because a person is responsible for his own actions. Sometimes he says he is in a foul mood, that it has nothing to do with us, and that he wishes to be left alone, and that is that. 

Your husband does not rip up the stations equipment, or verfbally abuse his boss, so he CAN control himself. It is just that he isn't controlling himself while he is at home. 

That is a choice that he has made. 

Please be carefull when you move out!!!!!!!!!!


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## cougargnw (Aug 6, 2007)

The problem most people encounter in this situation is taking your pills is at will. Some people do and lead normal lives. Those that dont are the dangerous ones. I have 2 unstable brothers, both diagnoses as bipolar and alcoholics. Neither one takes their meds and basically live in hospitals. Violent outbursts are common as well as self medicating with booze. I have completely severed ties with both of them becouse I became what is called an "enabler". They would get themselves into a mess, and I would ride in to clean it up and get them the medical attention they required. A few weeks later, same thing. That went on for 5 years. The best thing I ever did was to walk away. My home life with my wife was beginning to suffer becouse I would worry about them and not about her.
A clean break is manidory in these cases, I know that might be real tuff with a child involved but it really is for the best and it should be explaind to them.
I did see a shrink myself several times becouse I was worried I might be next to go nuts. Since I have a happy, healthy clean lifestyle the doc said I was extremely low risk.


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## chris30523 (Jun 11, 2005)

It breaks my heart to know that so many women have had to live through this. It worries me it sound like with all of the "accidents " he is trying to cut you off from communicating with other people. I would be worried and find a way to get out this weekend while he is at work.No explanations necessary, they will only make it worse. Like someone else said he can control himself at work so he knows. The worst thing you can do for him and yourself is feel sorry for him! It isn't helping anyone. Good luck!:grouphug:


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## Ann-NWIowa (Sep 28, 2002)

Do what you need to do to keep yourself and your daughter safe. Do not underestimate the danger. Too many women have and died as a result...them and their children and sometimes their friends and other relatives. Do not put keeping or protecting material possessions, farm animals or anything else above personal safety.


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## tyusclan (Jan 1, 2005)

Misfit---Haven't heard back in a few days.
You doing ok? 
tyusclan momma


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## tab (Aug 20, 2002)

Ditto that.


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## ailsaek (Feb 7, 2007)

And in triplicate.


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## turtlehead (Jul 22, 2005)

- bump


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## AngieM2 (May 10, 2002)

Last time she logged into HT was 7/11 - last Friday. I hope she's just busy with summer stuff.

Angie


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## hintonlady (Apr 22, 2007)

*bites fingernails* 

I thought this past weekend was potentially "the weekend".


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## turtlehead (Jul 22, 2005)

Hintonlady, I surely hope so! I was thinking it wouldn't be for at least another week. Hopefully she's just busy settling in, and maybe she doesn't have internet at the new location.


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## GBov (May 4, 2008)

I am hopeing that no news is good news, fingers crossed!


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## tyusclan (Jan 1, 2005)

bump again. 
Misfit you ok?
Tyusclan momma


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## Madame (Jan 1, 2003)

FalconDance said:


> MisFit, you need a place, let me know. Our place may be small, but it's safe and we take care as best we can of "our own".


Ditto


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## springledge (May 2, 2007)

Ok, now I am getting worried. I just saw this thread and it honestly makes my blood run cold. As many others, I have been there and done that and have the T-shirt. I hope everything is ok.


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## hintonlady (Apr 22, 2007)

anyone try an email yet, didn't want to bombarde her.

anyone know contact info? maybe a friendly call to say hi?

I would assume she would try to update us and NOT keep us worrying, considering?

oh boy, hard not to worry, I got that t shirt too.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Hoping she has not yet set up her computer! (And, that her computer is working!).


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## tyusclan (Jan 1, 2005)

OK,
I just heard from misfit. She is ok and he hasn't hurt them in anyway. Still, things are NOT good and she really needs our prayers right now. She stated when she felt better she would be back online with us. There are several things that have happened all at once and she just isn't up to "being around" right now.
Please keep her in your prayers. tyusclan momma


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## AngieM2 (May 10, 2002)

tyusclan momma - thank you so much for the update.

And we'll send prayers, and for those that don't do prayers - I'm sure good wishes, and such would be appreciated also. 

We will certainly welcome misfit back when she's ready.

Angie


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## crafty2002 (Aug 23, 2006)

tyusclan said:


> OK,
> I just heard from misfit. She is ok and he hasn't hurt them in anyway. Still, things are NOT good and she really needs our prayers right now. She stated when she felt better she would be back online with us. There are several things that have happened all at once and she just isn't up to "being around" right now.
> Please keep her in your prayers. tyusclan momma


I have been following this but hadn't posted because it seems I always put my foot in my mouth and sure don't want to here but this post worries me the most of them all. 
Can you give us a little better up grade that this one???? 
Worrying in Va. 
Dennis


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## GBov (May 4, 2008)

White light going that way!

been really worried for her, thats the only down side to forums, people are so far away when a hand is needed.


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## Madame (Jan 1, 2003)

I'm glad she's okay for now. May God watch over her!


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## tyusclan (Jan 1, 2005)

If she updates on anything else or gives me the ok to fill everyone in more I'll post it. She's safe and just asked everyone to pray.
I'll pm to ask if I can share the rest. tyusclan momma


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## hintonlady (Apr 22, 2007)

Im glad she is well but I must admit Im not feeling confident in the news or situation.


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## turtlehead (Jul 22, 2005)

I'm VERY glad you heard from her. That's a huge relief.
I can understand not feeling up to "being around". 

The main thing is that she takes extraordinary precautions to keep herself and her daughter safe.


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## hintonlady (Apr 22, 2007)

turtlehead said:


> The main thing is that she takes extraordinary precautions to keep herself and her daughter safe.



That would be leaving a volitale and possibly violent situation.:shrug:

I'm not interested in having known a statistic. KWIM?

I would pick her up and get her fences built if I could. It's so easy to get depressed and emotionally beaten down in these type relationships. It's easy to be afraid and wonder if you can survive and pay bills in a new life. Taking that first step to freedom is scary. I think we all agree that it is time, the trouble is that the victim has a hard time coming to this conclusion.

I was scared once too. Leaving was and still is the smartest thing I have ever done in my life. Just the sense of relief from losing all the tension, worries, guilt and obligations was WONDERFUL in itself. Getting settled came in time.............

I felt a lot of guilt for what I imagined was abandoning a family member who had similar mental illness concerns. There comes a time when like it or not the person we loved has died inside and a shadow is in their place. It isn't selfish to spare yourself and your child. All you can do is offer support, if they refuse help/pills there is nothing else that can be done.

There is no saving them, there is no...one more week and maybe's. I have lived it and survived to tell the tale. Watching a loved one slip from sanity a chunk at a time is horrible, losing yourself with them is WORSE.


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## Mr.Hoppes (Sep 30, 2006)

I talked with my wife and we will load our tools up and camping gear and help her get the new place up and ready. I know I am not a big poster here and most won't know me. I am willing to help her situation. My wife has experience and support to offer. That said I can do most mainteance type things and have dealt with many situations like this before.

{putting out email address like that invites the spybots,
and phone number. I am sending the info to tyusclan by PM to pass onto MisFit. And I am keeping a copy in my PM files so if someone needs to contact you - I can give it to them. - this is to protect HT and all concerned parties and white knight & family ---- Angie}


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## tab (Aug 20, 2002)

Glad to get the update. We never know who really to trust and I know it must be really bad to reach out on a public forum because that can lead to all sorts of things happening. Thanks goodness some of us know each other for "real". Please pass on our good thoughts and let her know that things do get better, she's doing the hard part now and it may stay hard for a long time but the other way NEVER improves.


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## lickcreek (Apr 7, 2006)

Been following this thread and waiting for news, as I pray and my stomach ties up in knots. Hope all is still okay.


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## tyusclan (Jan 1, 2005)

Hi everyone, 
I emailed Misfit again. Haven't heard back in a couple of days and am kinda worried. I passed along the emails and numbers from Mr. Hoppes and Rose2005. I have to be OOT on Thursday and won't be back until late. I'll ask "tyusclan papa" to check on things while I'm gone. I'm sure she would appreciate it if everyone kept praying.
tyusclan momma


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## AngieM2 (May 10, 2002)

thanks for doing that T. Mama - and we'll keep praying and looking for a good post from you/here hopefully sooner than later.

Angie


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## tyusclan (Jan 1, 2005)

I got an email from misfit and she does want ya'll to know. She said everyone here was like "family". She is just so "hurt and confused" she doesn't know which way to turn.
Her husband is gone. The night before he left she had to put down a mare. The mare had a foal about a month ago and wasn't putting the weight back on. Vet said there was no hope so misfit had her put down. Same vet turned her in to Animal Control, because she had one skinny goat and one skinny horse (both had been rescued), and they had her arrested. According to misfit they kept "gushing" over the colt and really wanted her.
The following is in her words: "In the middle of all this the guy I was going to buy the new farm from backed out on me because his job is kind of up in the air."
She feels like she has lost everything, & now has to go to court to settle all this.
The county did give her back her dogs and cats.
She stated she felt "dead" inside and doesn't feel up to being "around" right now, but that her husband hasn't hurt her or daughter.
I hope this helps some:shrug: I'm still very concerned for her. If she emails again today (we crossed the email paths) I'll let everyone know.

*** Angie** I'm sending you a pm with a question.
tyusclan momma


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## tyusclan (Jan 1, 2005)

One last thing. I talked with Angie about this before posting to make sure it was ok.
I have misfits email address. If anyone would like to contact her directly, contact either Angie or me and we'll get that to you. She isn't coming to the HT site much right now.
I will be gone this pm till at least Friday A. M. so if you don't hear back from me try Angie. 
tyusclan momma


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## AngieM2 (May 10, 2002)

tyusclan momma - thanks for the update, and I now have Misfit's email - so if someone wants it, just PM me. I've cleaned out most of my PM's so should not be a problem.

Angie


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## hintonlady (Apr 22, 2007)

I don't even know what to say.

The update made me cry.

It's as if everything that could go wrong did, plus extra.

I know some overzealous animal rights folks make messes of situations that aren't what they seem. I think honesty and the situation as it was should speak for itself. Worrying about court is a huge stress...........been there.

The farm falling through, heartbreaking too.


The only thing that saved me through all of my ordeals (living in a domestic violence shelter, starting over from ZERO with DS in tow, no job, new state, no friends......running on emotional fumes) was to keep optimistic.

Yes the situation is bad, agreed. Sometimes you just have to face the storm and fake a smile so long that eventually the storm passes and your still smiling. 

There are good things in this situation too, let us not forget that.

The husband left without violent incident. Perhaps this means he is willing to accept an end without it gewtting ugly. Maybe he is willing to leave the property so daughter and livestock have somewhere to be.

The freedom and potential of the situation should not be overlooked. I know it is hard when one if feeling blue/stressed etc. This is a new beginning, a rocky one but a new beginning nonetheless. It will smooth itself out in time.


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## crafty2002 (Aug 23, 2006)

I know this is a hard time to think about this, but Misfit, if you are looking in on this site and read this, or if someone will pass it along to you, you need to get to court ASAP, even if you have to walk every step of the way, and file for legal separation, (reason; abandonment + whatever) file a restraining order, (Please, please don't allow him to move back in the house) file for child support and alimony, and make the sherriffs department well aware of the situation at hand. 
Then if you see his car pulling in the driveway, call the police right then and there. Try your level best to make that call without him knowing it praying they will get there before he goes off, and if it looks at if he is going to, then tell him you have already called the police and they are only minutes away. 
And it would be a good idea for you and your daughter to hide outside somewhere, until the police get there, if that is possible.

Our prayers are with you girl. Stay safe.
Dennis


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## tyusclan (Jan 1, 2005)

Received an email today from MisFit.

She said there's really nothing anyone can do at this point except continue to pray for her. She's in a wait and see mode right now.

She also said that everyone's concern has touched her deeply, and she is very appreciative for that.


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## AngieM2 (May 10, 2002)

Thanks for letting us know. I'll be glad when her situation stabilizes enough for her to come back to the forum.

Angie


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