# Married folks all say the same thing



## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

It is amazing how consistent a response I get from married people. If I am talking to someone that is married about how difficult it is to date as an adult they almost inevitably tell me I am better off single. They are generally very serious about it. If it is so great, why isn't everyone single? Why do people bother dating if being single is so great? Que paso?

When I talk about this same thing with another single people they sympathize and commiserate about how rough it is dating later on in life. 

I'm about to head to a family function where yet again I will be the only single person above the age of 18. :facepalm:


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

You are hanging around the wrong married folks  hang around the ones who are happy and have nice friends to fix you up with. Cause dating later in life (I'm 45) sucks like a Hoover vacuum cleaner. 




Mean people suck.


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## moonwolf (Sep 20, 2004)

Marriage is a social convenience when gatherings of
families married folk interact. 
The demographics suggest, and many confirm that singles
outnumber married. In purely single folk gatherings I bet
little talk is about convincing for a married life , but who 
knows? Basically, I try staying away from either type 
of gatherings. You'll feel more at ease in mixed company
where neither group dominate.


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## bigjon (Oct 2, 2013)

people just gotta gripe,neither single/married is easy.the older I get,the less patience I have for just about anyone.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

No man should be without a loving wife. They are the handiest thing a man can have.
Ox


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

One says, Your with the wrong group of marrieds, Find happy married. like all marrieds wear a sign telling whether there happy or not.

Nother says leave events where there are negative married events. Well, IF I am intending on going to an event, I go for the events sake, NOT to try and weigh the negativism of the other people there, and I sure aint going to leave IF the event it self is what I expected it to be.

BJ says it best.


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## Guest (Sep 7, 2014)

Almost all of my friends are people who are married and have never been divorced...neither they nor I would ever advise anyone that they are "better off single"....:smack


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## Skamp (Apr 26, 2014)

You certainly won't get that response from me. Married, with children and grandchildren. To share the love of a family is just something beyond the self. To see the look in her eye when she sees them, to hear the tone of her voice when she speaks to them, to feel her hugs a bit tighter when they leave, affirms that there is more to this than just me. 


You don't get out enough.


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## sss3 (Jul 15, 2007)

I've been single a long time. At an event I can comfortably be myself and have a good time. You wouldn't believe the people who try and show me how good their marriage is. I know better. One Sis-in-law is the worst. She didn't do this, till she realized, that I'm happy w/my life. They've been married over 20 yrs; in front of me, she's always trying to kiss him and trying to be overly affectionate. She didn't used to be like that.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

I would rather be single than in a bad relationship, HOWEVER i would rather be married to a good woman than be single. 

In the last year things have been more than a little difficult with a relationship that ended badly, tough work issues, dads health, family issues, losing my best friend, and basically just life stuff gone kind of wacky.

However, literally in the last month things have started moving in a much more beneficial direction for me. :bouncy: i have acquired a part time position teaching Massage Therapy at the local community college, and I've almost sealed the deal on a change of address for my business and services to a much busier location!!! I am feeling revitalized and invigorated!!! A new direction with a full head of steam!!! Power on, shifted into 4WD High, hang on honey, this thing wont be touching the ground too often!! LOLOL

Back to the OP, Perhaps this new energy i am exuding will be like nectar to a bee and i will attract a new queen !!!! ???? LOLOLOL Ya can't blame a guy for hoping or trying can you???? :bouncy:


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## DEKE01 (Jul 17, 2013)

If you think life is better without having a best friend, that you can share everything with, that helps you when you are down and cheers you on when you are up, then stay single. But I can't imagine living without all that. 

One thing that has been good for DW and me is that we don't smoother one another. We have different interests in some areas, so at times, she goes off and does her thing, and I go off and do mine. When I see couples where one of them gets jealous of the other spending time with friends, I know it is a relationship that won't last. As much as I love DW, I don't want to spend every minute with her and vice versa. Together we are great, apart we are great as long as it is not too long. 

I will say that after the past 3 years of being away from home for 2 or 3 weeks a month, working on our farm and future home, I'm sick and tired of being away from her so much. I'm really looking forward to being together full time, in the same house, doing more things together.


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

DEKE01 said:


> If you think life is better without having a best friend, that you can share everything with, that helps you when you are down and cheers you on when you are up, then stay single. But I can't imagine living without all that.
> 
> One thing that has been good for DW and me is that we don't smoother one another. We have different interests in some areas, so at times, she goes off and does her thing, and I go off and do mine. When I see couples where one of them gets jealous of the other spending time with friends, I know it is a relationship that won't last. As much as I love DW, I don't want to spend every minute with her and vice versa. Together we are great, apart we are great as long as it is not too long.
> 
> I will say that after the past 3 years of being away from home for 2 or 3 weeks a month, working on our farm and future home, I'm sick and tired of being away from her so much. I'm really looking forward to being together full time, in the same house, doing more things together.


Listen to this guy, he's doing it right


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

(Id rather be married to a good woman than be single) DUH, well What man wouldn't.

I was rather taken back, at the sale, by the number of women I surmised to be gay. One would be on the negative side of what many would call average, but the other in most cases would be great looking. I did notice that most of the good looking ones were on the tall side, which would be GREAT in my book. 
I could understand the need for the first described to seek company of another woman if she couldn't find love with a man, But I have a hard time understanding why really good looking women would just give up, and go gay. Is it
That there are more women than men
is it that men are going gay also
is it that in these times we all have low tolerances for being slapped down
Is it that there lazy and just don't try, think that they have the looks, but if no guy notices, heck with them?


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## Trainwrek (Aug 23, 2014)

Chris Rock said it best "You can be married and bored or single and lonely, ain't no happiness nowhere"


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## Tiempo (May 22, 2008)

Too many people, I think marry because they think they ought to be married and end up unhappy. I didn't get married until my 40's and it's awesome.

FBB..hard to know where to even start with how messed up your last post is..I hope you're joking :O


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## Skamp (Apr 26, 2014)

Trainwrek said:


> Chris Rock said it best "You can be married and bored or single and lonely, ain't no happiness nowhere"


Those consumed with gratification of the flesh, I might can see that. Gratification of the mind, body, and legacy; I beg to differ.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Trainwrek said:


> Chris Rock said it best "You can be married and bored or single and lonely, ain't no happiness nowhere"


I have given this "lonely" word some thought, and I finally figured out I'm not lonely. I miss being wanted and loved.


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

TxMex said:


> It is amazing how consistent a response I get from married people. If I am talking to someone that is married about how difficult it is to date as an adult they almost inevitably tell me I am better off single. They are generally very serious about it. If it is so great, why isn't everyone single? Why do people bother dating if being single is so great? Que paso?
> 
> When I talk about this same thing with another single people they sympathize and commiserate about how rough it is dating later on in life.
> 
> I'm about to head to a family function where yet again I will be the only single person above the age of 18. :facepalm:


Most of the married folks not trying to get back to single while wanting to are generally trying to save half of all they own and figure its cheaper to keep her or him. 

Once a unhappily married person gets beyond the cheaper to keep her/him situation and get out of it , more stay out of the marriage trap for at least five years or so or never consider marrying again.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

FarmboyBill said:


> (Id rather be married to a good woman than be single) DUH, well What man wouldn't.
> 
> I was rather taken back, at the sale, by the number of women I surmised to be gay. One would be on the negative side of what many would call average, but the other in most cases would be great looking. I did notice that most of the good looking ones were on the tall side, which would be GREAT in my book.
> I could understand the need for the first described to seek company of another woman if she couldn't find love with a man, But I have a hard time understanding why really good looking women would just give up, and go gay. Is it
> ...


:smack Or maybe, they were born that way and prefer women over men? Homosexuality is not a choice. Good grief.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I agree with you, its just hard for someone my age to understand/adjust to.

I kinda thought I should be married when I was a kid. Everybody I knew was. I never saw any signs of happiness in anybody that had been married and had kids, and those kids gone to be married and have kids themselves.
It seemed like marriage was a social convention, in my day. You were expected to be married to be in church, even to get a loan, unless you didn't really need one. I dont think I really gave it any thought as to how I would end up after 45yrs of marriage, IF I had stayed married to #1. I just assumed that after that long, it was like one of my fingers as to the one next to it. It was just there. Nothing really expected,
It was like, I get married, then we, having jobs, as it were, get a farm, and farm it, and eventually have kids, and live with them, while they grow up, and then they would leave, and we would be alone, for whatever reason, at /by that time. All the old marrieds that I saw, seemed to be in their own worlds/domains on the same farm. They seldom intermixed, but did so when needed. Rather like if Im trying to lift something with one hand, and see that its too much, I use the other. no big thing, that's just the way it is.

That's the way I saw marriage at/in my teens/20s.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

And, Im glad I didn't stay married that long, for the reason, I imagine I would have learned to be like dad, with mom. BUT THEN, Seeing how they were, I might not.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

I sure hope that the kids who read these threads realize that this forum is not typical of the general population. 
Ox


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Earlier i was thinking similar thoughts.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

I would say it is better to be single than to be UNHAPPILY married, but I like being married much better that being single. There is always someone who can scratch a mosquito bite in the middle of my back!

Not everybody agrees with me. When my MIL was in her 50's she decided she was done with being married and she meant it: she even quit dating! She divorced her first husband and buried her second and had raised her kids. She simply said she was "done with all that", and she seemed perfectly happy being single!

We all want different things in life, but I have no idea why so MANY married people say that it is better being single!


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## DEKE01 (Jul 17, 2013)

FarmboyBill said:


> And, Im glad I didn't stay married that long, for the reason, I imagine I would have learned to be like dad, with mom. BUT THEN, Seeing how they were, I might not.


I had a very poor role model for a father and husband. If you make the choice, you can learn from everyone. But sometimes instead of learning what to do, you learn what not to do.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I think that, as a kid, and young, I heard it from men and young married guys I worked with , that IF they had it to do over again, they wouldn't have done it, OR, they would have waited. I was told to wait by several guys older than I, but they was on the other side the the enamourment of women, and what I saw and felt, they had long since quit seeing and feeling, and you can take that both ways. BUT, I thought I had a handle on the world, and knew everything there was to know, and I don't think that I thought there was really all that much to knowing about marriage. I can remember after mom asked me how I was going to make it when a seasonal job at a apple processing co closed down till I got another job. I wasn't worried, as I thought I would get a job in quick time, and that proved to be the case, but to get her to quit harping on it, a question I couldn't answer right away then anyhow, I said, well, well live on love. mom said, youll starve pretty soon then. Dad was there, and he didn't disagree. I thought marriage was the easy part. Making a living and learning to farm I thought would be the hard part. I was wrong. It was ALL hard


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Chuck, if I can ask, How do you know what the thoughts of the (general populace) are? I sure don't, and by the averages of whose all married and who aint, I can take a stab at it, and it suggests, that marriage is a iffy prospect, with dubious rewards, and the consequences of a failed marriage FAR out way the prospects of a long and happy one, over 1/2 of the US is choosing NOT to take the chance of finding out where they will fall on the question, and loose there shirts, in the process.


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## sss3 (Jul 15, 2007)

I've always thought, there's a whole lot worse in life than not being married.


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## DEKE01 (Jul 17, 2013)

FarmboyBill said:


> Chuck, if I can ask, How do you know what the thoughts of the (general populace) are? I sure don't, and by the averages of whose all married and who aint, I can take a stab at it, and it suggests, that marriage is a iffy prospect, with dubious rewards, and the consequences of a failed marriage FAR out way the prospects of a long and happy one, over 1/2 of the US is choosing NOT to take the chance of finding out where they will fall on the question, and loose there shirts, in the process.


I once read a stat that said something to the effect that out of all the millionaires in the USA, the one thing they most often had in common was that they got married and stayed married to the same person their whole life. I know for me, marriage has been profitable emotionally and financially. I would not be the man I am today if not for the woman I fell in love with 30 years ago. 

But since you are so down on marriage, here's a joke to reinforce your ideas...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
When a woman is getting married, she nervously enters the church and what does she see? The aisle she will walk down to join her soon to be husband. 

And what does she see at the end of the aisle? The altar where she will join her soon to be husband. 

And what does she hear while she takes that nervous walk to join her soon to be husband? A hymn playing on the church organ. 

She as they are ready to become one in marriage, she see the aisle, she sees the altar, she hears the hymn and with each step she takes, she says to herself...







Aisle...altar...hymn....aisle...altar...hymn...aisle...altar...hymn...


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

LOL LOL. True words I guess. I fought altering, I know.
I ALSO totally agree with you that a long marriage, if indeed, NOT a happy one, will be way more profitable to a man than short one s. But, that should be obvious.


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## DEKE01 (Jul 17, 2013)

FarmboyBill said:


> LOL LOL. True words I guess. I fought altering, I know.
> I ALSO totally agree with you that a long marriage, if indeed, NOT a happy one, will be way more profitable to a man than short one s. But, that should be obvious.


but you missed half the point. it is financially beneficial to get married. Part of this is the obvious benefit that two can leave more cheaply than one. It is just my opinion, but there is another side to it, there is a synergy created when two people dedicated to one another conquer their small portion of the world. 

I had some success in the business world and I couldn't have done it without DW's support. There were days when I worked 20 hours at the office. I would email documents home to have her recheck my work. She kept me fed, happy, and healthy and was my anchor when the world was spinning faster than I could keep up. She also slowed me down when I was too quick to anger. 

I didn't always know just how good I had it, but looking back, it was and still is something great.


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## DUlrich (Dec 31, 2008)

Oxankle said:


> I sure hope that the kids who read these threads realize that this forum is not typical of the general population.
> Ox


Not sure if I still qualify as a kid, but I started to get suspicious after two girlfriends, started doing some research and wound up in this subforum. Now I haven't been so foolish as to marry anyone yet, and the truth often spoken here has been deeply enlightening.

Maybe it's wrong, but my heart and wallet are pretty much under :lock: these days, and I lost the darn key. 

Of course it would be great to have a long-term, stable, committed relationship. Does that really require a governmental stamp of approval though?


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## Convoy (Dec 2, 2012)

DEKE01 said:


> but you missed half the point. it is financially beneficial to get married. Part of this is the obvious benefit that two can leave more cheaply than one. It is just my opinion, but there is another side to it, there is a synergy created when two people dedicated to one another conquer their small portion of the world.
> 
> I had some success in the business world and I couldn't have done it without DW's support. There were days when I worked 20 hours at the office. I would email documents home to have her recheck my work. She kept me fed, happy, and healthy and was my anchor when the world was spinning faster than I could keep up. She also slowed me down when I was too quick to anger.
> 
> I didn't always know just how good I had it, but looking back, it was and still is something great.


Marriage is only profitable emotionally and financially if you find a keeper but in this day and age alot of women in my experience are looking to be kept so finding a keeper is harder and harder to do. To give you an idea both myself and my brother in law (before he met my sister) actively dated (I don't anymore) and usually the first words out of their mouth was "what do you do?" followed with "how much do you get paid?" - kinda tells you what they're after.... 

Personally I'm not one to settle to something that makes me unhappy in the long run and am changing careers where being single is actually an advantage in nothing to hold me back working overseas where I can make in 10 years what I would in 40 otherwise. (something I would never do if I was married). Then again I'm alot like my uncle except it took him 6 failed marriages to figure out you can be just as happy single.

As to legacy, I have 6 nieces and 4 nephews through my siblings and they will continue on family values and name so no worries - being an Uncle is just fine with me.


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## Trainwrek (Aug 23, 2014)

Fowler said:


> I have given this "lonely" word some thought, and I finally figured out I'm not lonely. I miss being wanted and loved.


You're lonely.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

DUIrich and Convoy: Cynicism is a result of unexplained failure. To think that all women are alike is as mistaken as to think all men are alike.

Women want security--it is nature, not greed. To live with a man, feed him, wash his clothes, keep his house, bear his children is a full-time life sentence. It is foolish not to know what a man does for a living and what his chances of feeding his family are.

To ask what he does for a living on the first date is simple curiosity--I always wanted to know what my dates did, how much education they had, what their parents did, how many brothers and sisters, what they did for recreation. I did not always ask those questions as bluntly as stated here, but I learned simply by getting them to tell me about themselves. Women want to know about us as much as we want to know about them.

Asking a man how much he earns does seem a bit forward---they could find that out a bit later than the first date if a man seemed like a real possibility. 

As for finding keepers, convoy, you gotta look where keepers hang out. You can identify them by their habits. If you are past child-rearing age there would seem to be no reason today for a formal commitment--unless you intend to provide for your woman's old age. If you intend to have children it is indecent not to give them your name and to give their mother the security of marriage.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

TxMex said:


> It is amazing how consistent a response I get from married people. If I am talking to someone that is married about how difficult it is to date as an adult they almost inevitably tell me I am better off single. They are generally very serious about it. If it is so great, why isn't everyone single? Why do people bother dating if being single is so great? Que paso?
> 
> When I talk about this same thing with another single people they sympathize and commiserate about how rough it is dating later on in life.
> 
> I'm about to head to a family function where yet again I will be the only single person above the age of 18. :facepalm:


It is better to be single:

1.IF you are being abused (physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, sexually)

2. Single is better than being in a relationship, for the sake of being in a relationship and no one is at peace.

I believe with all my heart, that there are marriages, where men love their wives, and wives love their husbands, and they work together towards the goals. I believe they are out there because I see them all the time.....
You can tell when a couple sits down for dinner if they are 'solid' or not.

I never 'dated' much as a kid.
How does that work?
How do 2 strangers get to know each other without putting off the wrong vibes (asking how much someone makes is not cool as far as I am concerned)?

I am a question asker.......and I don't usually mince words......
Which kinda makes people uncomfortable / put off.......not sure why?
OY.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

DUlrich said:


> Of course it would be great to have a long-term, stable, committed relationship. Does that really require a governmental stamp of approval though?


That may depend on the expectations of the person you end up with.

Personally, when I was 18 if a gent proposed spending a long term relationship together without marriage, I would have suspected that he intended to leave just as soon as I got wrinkles. And, I would not want to have a baby with someone who may leave just when I was pregnant and had a stomach out to THERE! Lack of trust would be terribly hard on a relationship, know what I mean? 

But that is JUST me, I have known some people in long-term relationships that looked just like marriage to me.


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## DEKE01 (Jul 17, 2013)

Convoy said:


> Marriage is only profitable emotionally and financially if you find a keeper but in this day and age alot of women in my experience are looking to be kept so finding a keeper is harder and harder to do. To give you an idea both myself and my brother in law (before he met my sister) actively dated (I don't anymore) and usually the first words out of their mouth was "what do you do?" followed with "how much do you get paid?" - kinda tells you what they're after....
> 
> Personally I'm not one to settle to something that makes me unhappy in the long run and am changing careers where being single is actually an advantage in nothing to hold me back working overseas where I can make in 10 years what I would in 40 otherwise. (something I would never do if I was married). Then again I'm alot like my uncle except it took him 6 failed marriages to figure out you can be just as happy single.
> 
> As to legacy, I have 6 nieces and 4 nephews through my siblings and they will continue on family values and name so no worries - being an Uncle is just fine with me.


What makes you think man/woman relationships are any different today than 30 years ago or 3000 years ago? I don't think finding a great match is any harder today than it ever was. More marriages may dissolve because woman have greater freedom and more options today, but the fact she didn't have those options in times long ago doesn't mean she was is a good marriage. 

Marriage isn't for everyone; some people really should stay single. I understand that. Your uncle might be a case in point. But there are lots of good marriages out there. If you're not seeing them, you're looking in the wrong places. 

What I see people doing is trying to meet women in the wrong places. I've got nothing against bars and drinking, but IMO, that's not a great place to meet someone. In a bar, the meet is determined by looks and how good you are at the instant small talk. 

I wasn't looking for a relationship when I met the future DW. I was doing the sorts of things I enjoy doing and happened to meet someone who had similar interests.


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## Guest (Sep 8, 2014)

Terri said:


> That may depend on the expectations of the person you end up with.
> 
> Personally, when I was 18 if a gent proposed spending a long term relationship together without marriage, I would have suspected that he intended to leave just as soon as I got wrinkles. And, I would not want to have a baby with someone who may leave just when I was pregnant and had a stomach out to THERE!
> Lack of trust would be terribly hard on a relationship, know what I mean?
> ...



Well, if anybody read this forum for the past couple of years, they'd see that being married hasn't kept the underlined part of your post from happening to a lot of people that end up here. 

Trust is certainly a big issue. I don't know about every state in the USA, but in the ones I've lived in the past 38 years somebody pays child support, and moneys, properties, retirement accounts, etc accrued *after* the marriage are subject to a 50/50 split. If one party comes into the marriage with a home and a million bucks, the other party is not entitled to any of that. 

I'd think that sitting down with a court-appointed counselor and having the details of divorce settlements explained *before* a marriage license is issued would clear up a lot of misconceptions.


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## sidepasser (May 10, 2002)

I enjoyed being single when I was single, although it would have been nice to have someone close to talk to that was not a teenager - lol.

I enjoy being married. Sure we aren't joined at the hip and we do have disagreements, but for the most part, we get along fine. He learned to put up with saddles in the dining room and I learned to put up with Wall St. Journals all over the house. He has his messy desk and I do not try to clean it up; I have my messy boots, chaps, hats and he leaves them be. 

I guess in our case we would rather enjoy our time together rather than be apart so I clean saddles while he reads. We are each doing our thing, but we are still "together". That's fine with me. 

Sometimes you have to be satisfied to find someone that has that "get along" factor rather than the "be still my beating heart I am going to swoon because you are so fine" factor. God knows Mr. Sidepasser isn't all that in the romance department..lol..when he asked me to marry him it was the day after some really bad tornadoes. He banged on my door and when I opened it, he marched in and said "are you going to marry me or what?"..I was amused, stunned, and speechless all at the same time.

But last Tuesday after I had returned from Dragon Con, he sent me the most beautiful flowers to work and on the card it said "I am glad you had fun and came home to me"..

that's romance enough for me.

I think that I did pretty good for meeting someone on an internet dating site, who had never been married or had kids, had never lived with someone before, and was pretty much set in his ways at his age. We are having our 3rd anniversary in Oct. So no..I don't wish I was single and I don't think Mr. Sidepasser does either..he says it took him 40 years to find me and he's happy.

I think alot of people who wish they were single are wishing for some "me" time. Most married folks think they have to be joined at the hip all the time and sometimes what is needed is just some "alone" time to do what they want to do when they want to do it. Nothing wrong with that as long as it doesn't do harm to the marriage. But most marrieds won't do that. they expect the spouse to do and like everything they do and that dog won't hunt 99% of the time.


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## Jim-mi (May 15, 2002)

I went through that appointed "counselor" bit . . . . .I very soon despised her, . .her with the cigerate always drooping out of her mouth. She was there strictly for the money. She further drove a wedge between us because I despised the counselor so much.
All the counselor was, was a huge hinderance .....

This ol fart has been lookin for quite some while . . . . . . . . .


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## copperkid3 (Mar 18, 2005)

Sandra Spiess said:


> I've always thought, there's a whole lot worse in life than not being married.


****************************
said to someone when they asked if he would ever consider getting married again. (At the time, he'd outlived 
two other wives and was providing in-house care for an old maid, spinster sister who whined & complained 
constantly about life in general. He finally had to ship her off to a private home care facility to maintain his sanity.)

He matter-of-factly stated in response to the question:

"*There are some things worse than being married;
and that's being married to the wrong woman!"*:smack 

He went on from there to marry for the 3rd time, an old childhood 
sweet-heart who had buried her first husband years previously.

All three women were wonderful companions to him as far as I could tell.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

TxMex said:


> It is amazing how consistent a response I get from married people. If I am talking to someone that is married about how difficult it is to date as an adult they almost inevitably tell me I am better off single. They are generally very serious about it. If it is so great, why isn't everyone single? Why do people bother dating if being single is so great? Que paso?
> 
> When I talk about this same thing with another single people they sympathize and commiserate about how rough it is dating later on in life.
> 
> I'm about to head to a family function where yet again I will be the only single person above the age of 18. :facepalm:



I had a thought about the peoples verbiage your speaking of. Obviously the ones that say things like that are very unhappy with their situation. We all have seen the phenomenon that "misery loves company". I would suggest that some of the married people that are unhappy envy unattached singles mistakingly thinking, "we have the world by the tail". For some reason they attach all kinds of false benefits to that status. Unhappy and lonely is unhappy and lonely, whether you are married or not, its exactly the same feeling. 

Some people just need to understand that happiness is their own responsibility. Nobody, no toy or possession can fill that space except yourself. Marrying someone doesn't not fill that space, but being with the right person that shares, cares, participates an can allow you to love them will. Its also true that sharing your space filled with happiness and contentment with someone else can be unbelievably rewarding! This is exactly what i have been looking for as soon as i was stable from my divorce, the right person to share my happiness, dreams, and ambitions with!!!! I know she's out there...


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

yep, shes out there, and her sister too maybe, and likely youll pass them many times not seeing them for who they are. They will likely either die of old age, or marry somebody else.
In this day and age, they might marry Mary. lol


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## Annsni (Oct 27, 2006)

I'm a married that will tell you that with the right person, marriage is wonderful. We just celebrated 29 years together and we married pretty young. We've been through a lot and really, we are still each other's best friend and we definitely feel it when we are not together. We do each have our own "things" (he's out right now on our sailboat for the day since Monday is his day off and I'm heading to the barn in a bit to go riding and do barn chores for my friend's horse) but we always reconnect when we can. Life has been busy and we've not had a lot of time together so we will be going away this weekend just the two of us and we're looking forward to it!! I would do this all again in a heartbeat and if anything happened to him, it would be like you cut off my right arm. 

So not every married person feels singleness is better.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> I had some success in the business world and I couldn't have done it without DW's support. There were days when I worked 20 hours at the office. I would email documents home to have her recheck my work. She kept me fed, happy, and healthy and was my anchor when the world was spinning faster than I could keep up..


Numb does this for me, too. Makes my coffee in the morning, packs my lunch, helps me drag all my gear out to the truck (joking that he's my sherpa!). Runs errands for me during the day, fixes dinner when I get home at night. Oh, and he cleans the cat box, too! I don't know how I ever managed without him. :teehee:


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

He do all that late nite work also??


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## simi-steading (Sep 27, 2012)

My first two marriages, I knew better but did it anyway, and always felt I'd be better off single.. but then I met my third wife, and I sure don't feel that way now... Best thing that's ever happened to me.. This December will be 11 years for us... My first marriage lasted 11 months..


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

FarmboyBill said:


> He do all that late nite work also??


Absolutely!
Best part!!!


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Actually a lot of the married people that have said that to me were older long time married folks. A few of them had been married over 50 years. 

Possibly they have no confidence in my ability to choose a good fella 

Goodness knows I've struck out so far.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

It's hard to pick a good one when they seem to be in limited supply. I had a "date" recently with a decent enough guy. Several small red flags led me to let him know that I wasn't interested in pursuing anything further. I then found out some information that made me glad of my decision. The kicker was that when I told him I wasn't interested in going any further, he told me he understood I had been done wrong in the past, but that not all men were like that...when the new info was that he was EXACTLY like that. At least I was able to see the small warnings way ahead of time this time around. That is a vast improvement and gives me hope




Mean people suck.


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## gweny (Feb 10, 2014)

Blaming the institution of marriage or your spouse is just another way (albeit a slick one) of not taking personal responsibility. Your spouse is not responsible for your happiness. Only you can make you happy. It's nice to have someone to share it with. That is the purpose of a life partner.
My DH may irritate me to no end sometimes, but I'm the one choosing that perspective. Once I acknowledge that I am the issue, changing my outlook is simple.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Well, then, theres one way to take away that crutch of blameing marriage on problems. DONT GET MARRIED, If one HAS To, just live together.

I saw where a 95 and a 96 want to get married. They've lived together for years. She has money and is black. He is broke and is white. Her kin is against it for the money reasons. They went to court to annul it, judge said no, not at this time. Dumped her people watching over her, and appointed a lawyer to do it, YEAH RIGHT. That let the possum in the henhouse lol.


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## Dixie Bee Acres (Jul 22, 2013)

Just throwing it out there.....
As much as I CAN agrivate my wife
As much as she CAN agrivate me

I would never choose to be without her. We play off of each others strengths, and build from each others weaknesses. Our roles are reversed from the traditional, she has a full time job with insurance, I do the stay home work; laundry, yard work, most house work, canning, much of the cooking, etc.
But it works for us. I make a little $$ from home, but the work I do from home saves us close to $19,000-$20,000 a year.


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## brewswain (Dec 31, 2006)

TxMex said:


> Goodness knows I've struck out so far.


maybe because you threaten with guns and suggest someone might climb your gate. It was good clean fun...


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

Guessing the response would vary a lot with who is questioned and how the question is posed? I've got somewhat the same response, but for different reasons.

I posed a similar question to my bro and his wife who have 40 years, and my twin sis and husband who have 30. All basically said they could not imagine finding a replacement for their spouse. I realize life and living/dying changes things. But they are happy! I respect all of them a lot!

I'm pretty happy with my aloness. Not to say I'm not open to marriage or a heavy relationship, but if it don't feel right I'm not going there!

Hard to meet dateables? Somewhat...but not terrible hard. I like to know something about the persons background....but hey I've got ears and a mouth to ask questions. Most people warm up when you ask genuine questions about them. I'm giving opinions when my dating is so limited? Sorry... I guess it is limited, but by us!

My little berg might be 7500? I travel up and down our valley for maybe 50 miles. Still the population is scarcer than most have in their backyard. Work keeps me busy, but doesn't keep me from wolfing a hot meal when I get a chance, or doing some necessary chores...they are just postponed till I feel I can spare time.





TxMex said:


> It is amazing how consistent a response I get from married people. If I am talking to someone that is married about how difficult it is to date as an adult they almost inevitably tell me I am better off single. They are generally very serious about it. If it is so great, why isn't everyone single? Why do people bother dating if being single is so great? Que paso?
> 
> When I talk about this same thing with another single people they sympathize and commiserate about how rough it is dating later on in life.
> 
> I'm about to head to a family function where yet again I will be the only single person above the age of 18. :facepalm:


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

gweny said:


> Blaming the institution of marriage or your spouse is just another way (albeit a slick one) of not taking personal responsibility. Your spouse is not responsible for your happiness. Only you can make you happy. It's nice to have someone to share it with. That is the purpose of a life partner.
> My DH may irritate me to no end sometimes, but I'm the one choosing that perspective. Once I acknowledge that I am the issue, changing my outlook is simple.


You know, this might be the best post of this thread! Thank you! :clap:


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## Convoy (Dec 2, 2012)

Oxankle said:


> DUIrich and Convoy: Cynicism is a result of unexplained failure. To think that all women are alike is as mistaken as to think all men are alike.
> 
> Women want security--it is nature, not greed. To live with a man, feed him, wash his clothes, keep his house, bear his children is a full-time life sentence. It is foolish not to know what a man does for a living and what his chances of feeding his family are.
> 
> ...


I may have sent the wrong message in my earlier post. I do believe in marriage with kids or without. It's actually divorce I don't believe in. If you know one another well enough before marriage without major issues then working for common ground, compromise and work to stay close are all thing that keep marriages together, therefore marriages can only fall apart when one member stops bothering with these. All people continually change but with work you change together and keep loving one another. 

Also I should mention is the career I'm changing into if I start working over seas on average it's 360 days a year 12hr day minimums so marriage is out for awhile (That's the reason there is such demand in that area - anyone with kids or married generally doesn't even apply for it and for good reason - you can only be a father or a husband if your actually around). Anyways if a woman is interested in a guy working that much they are more interested with having a relationship with his bank account than with him.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

brewswain said:


> maybe because you threaten with guns and suggest someone might climb your gate. It was good clean fun...


I thought I had used sufficient smilies to indicate I was poking fun. I shall have to re-evaluate my smilie usage.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

:smack:goodjob::bouncy::clap::happy::bandwagon::hysterical:ound::buds::catfight:- This should be enough to get the point across.....


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## Guest (Sep 11, 2014)

This thread has become rather interesting...LOL..think I'll make some popcorn and follow it along..kind of like "Sleepless in Seattle"..or "You've Got Mail"...or..."When Harry Met Sally"....eep:


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## homefire2007 (Sep 21, 2007)

I ran into an old friend at the grocery store a few days ago. She kind of puts it all out there....refreshing. Not worried about being judged or what people think. She has been in a 'friends with benefits' type relationship for twenty years. It seems to work very well for them. They are both busy with their adult children and have no wish to muddy the waters so to speak. They have both been married in the past.

Although I think it's a great thing for them, I'm not so sure it would work for me......but at this point I'm not real sure I want to live with someone either. I miss being close to someone but function pretty well on my own. I miss watching a man fix something, I think it's pretty cool. Then again, I fixed a door for an elderly patient the other day just fine. With the kids leaving the nest, the very real possibility of being alone the rest of my life is a reality I don't think I ever really prepared myself for. Okay...what now I say to myself? I'll be fine but I'm not closing the doors on anything just yet.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

I have seen and experienced enough in life that I am much more flexible and non-judgmental than I was when I was younger. If it works for 2 consenting adults and it isn't hurting anyone....more power to them.

I've considered the friends with benefits route. As long as the 'benefits' don't mess up the friendship and you can be there for each other as a friend would be, I can see how it might work well. It would be very difficult to move a person into your life full time if you have children from a previous relationship so this might be more doable for some. It would enable them to still fulfill their first responsibility to their children, but have needs met and hopefully adult companionship. 

LOL...I'd be wanting to know how often I was going to get benefits and well at that point they might as well move in anyhow


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## homefire2007 (Sep 21, 2007)

TxMex said:


> I have seen and experienced enough in life that I am much more flexible and non-judgmental than I was when I was younger. If it works for 2 consenting adults and it isn't hurting anyone....more power to them.
> 
> I've considered the friends with benefits route. As long as the 'benefits' don't mess up the friendship and you can be there for each other as a friend would be, I can see how it might work well. It would be very difficult to move a person into your life full time if you have children from a previous relationship so this might be more doable for some. It would enable them to still fulfill their first responsibility to their children, but have needs met and hopefully adult companionship.
> 
> LOL...I'd be wanting to know how often I was going to get benefits and well at that point they might as well move in anyhow


Exactly! I'm a pretty loyal friend, I'm there if you need me. I guess it would all come down to what being a 'friend' means to the folks involved in this type of situation.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

How pretty are ya loyal friend lol


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## hawgsquatch (May 11, 2014)

FarmboyBill said:


> LOL LOL. True words I guess. I fought altering, I know.
> I ALSO totally agree with you that a long marriage, if indeed, NOT a happy one, will be way more profitable to a man than short one s. But, that should be obvious.


Perchance someone who is responsible intuitive and passionate enough to get a million bucks, can make the same effort in a marriage?


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## hawgsquatch (May 11, 2014)

TxMex said:


> I have seen and experienced enough in life that I am much more flexible and non-judgmental than I was when I was younger. If it works for 2 consenting adults and it isn't hurting anyone....more power to them.
> 
> I've considered the friends with benefits route. As long as the 'benefits' don't mess up the friendship and you can be there for each other as a friend would be, I can see how it might work well. It would be very difficult to move a person into your life full time if you have children from a previous relationship so this might be more doable for some. It would enable them to still fulfill their first responsibility to their children, but have needs met and hopefully adult companionship.
> 
> LOL...I'd be wanting to know how often I was going to get benefits and well at that point they might as well move in anyhow


Tried FWB, for me it doesn't work. I cannot view myself as a good man if I cannot commit past the bedroom. And when I don't view myself as upstanding I don't act in an upstanding manner. To each his own but I think it should be called FWFUB, figger that one out.


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## homefire2007 (Sep 21, 2007)

FarmboyBill said:


> How pretty are ya loyal friend lol


No, not pretty at all LOL! But I've got a great personality! So glad I don't base friendships on that. The most attractive person in a room full of people is not necessarily the prettiest or most handsome. They just have that 'something' that is far more substantial. My late husband had laugh crinkles around his eyes...irresistible :happy: I guess FWB means something else to me besides a bed partner,


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

I don't think I could do FWB.
Call me a prude or a religious zealot.......

Think of a hot fudge sundae.
Big chunks of fudge brownie as the base.
Then rich creamy ice cream on top of that warm brownie base.
Add real whole home made whipped cream.
Then a cherry.

To me, making love, is the cherry.
It's not a sundae if it's just a bowl full of cherries.

If you just put the star on the Christmas Tree.....it's just an empty tree with a star on top. 
But when people decorate a tree, there's a lot of time and consideration that goes into the decorations, and the last thing to go on is the star.

And I was always told "why buy the cow when the milk's free"?
In my eyes, "this old heifer" is worth more than a 'squeeze and go' HA HA


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

I was talking with a younger man the other day. Within a year or 2 of being 30. He is divorced with a child. The ex has supposedly burned him pretty bad and as is usual in these situations, the child is the bone of contention. 

Due to this experience he does not want to have more children. Also, since he is dedicated to his child during his visitation, he knows he would not be able to be impartial towards step children. So he is trying to find a woman to date without children. I told him good luck on that one. He and prospective dating partners are at the age where the body is in reproduction mode. Besides(and he admits) it is not fair for him to have a child and be prejudiced against someone else having children.

So just for the sake of argument(though I know we'd never argue in this forum....hark was that a bolt of lightning?!) lets say he met a woman with 2 children. They got along really well, but neither wanted to have someone else in their home because of their children. They both feel that their first responsibility is towards their children and don't want to take away from that. 

So lets suppose they take the friends with benefits route. To me this does not mean just purely sex. That is where the 'friends' part of friends with benefits would come in. An occasional date when there are no kids at home, etc. Now lets suppose that this continues for the 6 years that it takes for the kids to get grown. At that point they consider changing their relationship. What would be the difference between this and 'dating' if there is sex involved?

I see this as very workable as long as everyone is up front and honest about expectations. Yes, from a religious point of view it is not workable, but from a human point of view it might be the best solution. They both have someone, but are able to focus on their primary responsibilities. The other person has an exact understanding of what the relationship is and it's limits. Heck there's a plus right there! No wondering 'where is this going?'.

No, I am not saying that I am looking for a friends with benefits relationship. Just interesting to ponder possibilities and look at different aspects.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

As for FWB, I don't know any woman (myself included) who can go that route long term without her heart turning it into something more. I would like to think it would be the same for the man as well. Then things get complicated. I tried the whole FWB thing briefly and quickly realized it's not the sex I miss the most, but a loving, caring relationship where the sex is the cherry on top (thanks LZ5!). 




Mean people suck.


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## itsb (Jan 13, 2013)

let a happly married guy,try! weve had our times,good bad and ugly!!!how ever we made it :happy: then we both realized that if this was goin to work that both of us had to be able to bend ( I mean realy bend) and the whole time we both wanted it to work ! Now years and 3 kids later with a empty nest I love doin things with her and can not think of her not being her.
I know a lot of people say if I ever get a divorce,I will never get married again.Well NOT me.I do not want to be single,I do however want to have my one and only best friend.
back to the naysayers you talk about I think if they were alone they would change there mind


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I thik, IF a guys been seeing a woman with kids for 6 yrs, and he has a fatherly interest in his on kid, that he will grow to reaching out to them also. Plus, hes bound to see them from time to time. I think he would connect.


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## homefire2007 (Sep 21, 2007)

I give thought to things now I would not have ten, twenty years ago. Thankfully, life has a way of telling me I really can't say 'Oh, I will never do that!' I just know people need people. I have a friend who has thirty-three must haves in a man.....that's a tall order for anyone to meet. Sure...honesty and integrity are important to me..... I keep those criteria as the must haves. A sense of humor is icing on the cake. God knows, I am not perfect. I am no spring chicken...I've spent more of my life single than married. There is room in my life for compromise...I guess you have to find what works for you and be open to the possibilities.


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## Trainwrek (Aug 23, 2014)

I see it like this; You can be single and happy. You can be married to the right person and happy. Or you can be married to the wrong person and be miserable!

I was single and happy until later in life. I figured at a certain point I would never get married because at that point, why take a chance? But the right one came along. Now I'm married and happy. It has its pros and cons like anything else.

My cousin Bob is 48, he says he's happy so why bother with marriage. He travels, has friends, plays sports, and when he goes home he has everything the way he likes it. At this point, he is so happy and set in his ways he doesnt think he could physically share his living space with another person. I get it, there are things I miss about being single but there are other things in marriage that make up for it IMO.


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## Vahomesteaders (Jun 4, 2014)

We are sociable beings by design. I believe for true life fulfillment marriage to the right person completes us. Many times people fall for the wrong person. Putting more emphasis on looks rather than compatibility. But a good healthy marriage brings with it many joys.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Putting more emphasis on looks rather than capability/

How many times have people walked into a pool of water to find out it was quick sand on the bottom. didn't look like it from the top. mom did that in our creek. I never found any quicksand there in my day, but I guess it was there somewhere in time, somewhere along that creek.

Point is, people cant tell much about ones capabilities unless there around them ALOT. Whose going to spend time around a plane looking person trying to find out their capability when they can do the very same thing around a pretty or handsome person. End result is one of 2 things. Either one or the other, OR both can be a great catch, OR one or the other OR both, can be a wasted amount of time.


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## Trainwrek (Aug 23, 2014)

FarmboyBill said:


> Putting more emphasis on looks rather than capability/
> 
> How many times have people walked into a pool of water to find out it was quick sand on the bottom. didn't look like it from the top. mom did that in our creek. I never found any quicksand there in my day, but I guess it was there somewhere in time, somewhere along that creek.
> 
> Point is, people cant tell much about ones capabilities unless there around them ALOT. Whose going to spend time around a plane looking person trying to find out their capability when they can do the very same thing around a pretty or handsome person. End result is one of 2 things. Either one or the other, OR both can be a great catch, OR one or the other OR both, can be a wasted amount of time.


Sure as my dad used to say, its just as easy to love a pretty woman as an ugly one. 

Then again I sometimes hear this idea that ugly women make better wives. I guess they are supposed to be less likely to wonder and more likely to be devoted to you. I don't buy into that myself, as in my experience dad was right, you might end up with a pain in the rear whose ugly to boot!


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## DEKE01 (Jul 17, 2013)

Trainwrek said:


> Sure as my dad used to say, its just as easy to love a pretty woman as an ugly one.
> 
> Then again I sometimes hear this idea that ugly women make better wives. I guess they are supposed to be less likely to wonder and more likely to be devoted to you. I don't buy into that myself, as in my experience dad was right, you might end up with a pain in the rear whose ugly to boot!


Trainwrek, perhaps you too young to remember this...

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NF5XU-k2Vk"]If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life[/ame]


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Trainwrek said:


> Sure as my dad used to say, its just as easy to love a pretty woman as an ugly one.
> 
> Then again I sometimes hear this idea that ugly women make better wives. I guess they are supposed to be less likely to wonder and more likely to be devoted to you. I don't buy into that myself, as in my experience dad was right, you might end up with a pain in the rear whose ugly to boot!


I remember being told that is it just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is to fall in love with a poor man! :nana:

Grain that is good for the goose will apparently serve the gander as well.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I still say, falling in love concerning rich or poor, and falling in love concerning pretty/handsome, or ugly are 2 different motives seeking the same thing.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

I'm glad that I don't focus on either of those immaterial issues. 

However, it is convenient in a way. I'm not pretty. Definitely not 'athleticly slim' or however they put it on the singles sites. By not being gorgeous I am able to skip over a whole bunch of shallow men automatically. Cool!!


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## Guest (Sep 15, 2014)

When I was much younger and prettier, I dated a millionaire...you could K turn a 4 door sedan in his kitchen without touching a wall..LOL LOL...after about 4 months of getting to know him, I said, "See ya."...my mother was horrifed.."HE's FILTHY RICH! What's wrong with you?" I told her...He's an idiot...a filthy rich idiot, but nonetheless, an idiot.... Why would I want to be with a jerk just so that I could have nice toys? 

IMHO, money doesn't make people happy..happy people will BE happy, poor or rich...of course I'd much prefer to have a bunch of wherewithall...but not enough to trade for integrity and self-esteem..


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

^^^ you always say it better with fewer words^^^ :nanner:


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