# Jealousy



## bstuart29 (Jul 11, 2006)

Lately especially on facebook been hearing some say they get jealous cause they love or care for someone but I think that's foolish to say the least jealousy is never a good thing and if ya trust ya lady ya have no reason to be jealous(can be the woman being jealous also).


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Jealousy is natural and healthy to a rational degree. We are fuzzy animals we like to secure our mates.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Billy, I think I need to start stalking your profile and find out what you are talking about, LOL. Nah, I won't and I don't see that going on fb either. What I see is a world gone mad and politics and people out of control. To the point I am not on fb close to even half the time I was before. Reading it makes me sick to my stomach at this point so I am doing other stuff with my time.


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

jealousy has put many a person in their grave.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

I think the root of jealousy is insecurity.


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## NickieL (Jun 15, 2007)

I decided... Since men cheat anyway, the next relationship I have will be an open one. So long as they are honest about who else they are seeing. 


Sent from my iPhone using Homesteading Today


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

I can't let that one go by. Real men don't cheat, neither do real women. Losers and idiots cheat. Doesn't matter the reason, there's no point in defending it.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

The most useless emotion of all. If you're feeling it, something is already seriously wrong... either with you, or with your partner, or the dynamic that has evolved between you. Fix it fast or move on.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

How in the world does jealousy secure a mate? That is usually a turn off to me?


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

*IAGO* Oh, beware, my lord, of jealousy!
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on.

*-- Othello*


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

i seen the green eyed monster today up in countryside families forum rear its ugly head


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

Great Elk. Now I gotta go up there and figure out which thread. Give me a hint......


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

PM me when you get the answer TI. I'm watching tortellini and fra diavlo. Had some tomatoes ready to rot lol.


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

Still waiting on the link to the train wreck, isn't everyone else? lol


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

I used to be very jealous when I was younger, but as I got older, I find it a waste of time. 9 times out of 10 if someone does something that makes you jealous, that is a warning sign that love is headed out the door.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

City Bound said:


> Jealousy is natural and healthy to a rational degree. We are fuzzy animals we like to secure our mates.


I agree CB. When you love it's like making an emotional investment. Jealousy is often simply a reaction to a perceived threat to your relationship. And if your partner truly cares for you, letting them know you're jealous can become an opportunity to become closer. 

Here's the rub. Most of the time, love investments are decidedly more fragile than other kinds. Sadly, that vulnerability can be used against one and that's where we often stray from the realm of healthy jealousy.

[YOUTUBE]8JdCP7vPUQc[/YOUTUBE]


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

It's gone. :awh:

Missed the implosion again. Poor me.


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

Tommyice said:


> It's gone. :awh:
> 
> Missed the implosion again. Poor me.


DANG IT! lol


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

I get jealous easily over awesome chicken coops, barns and arenas.

Jealous of my man wanting another woman? Nah. I am too cute. He would be stupid!!! (lnsecurity is unattractive and l like to be pretty!) :angel:


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

NickieL said:


> I decided... Since men cheat anyway, the next relationship I have will be an open one. So long as they are honest about who else they are seeing.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Homesteading Today


I have a hard time believing that a woman really loves a man if she is willing to share him. But to each his/her own!


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

Guess I'll disagree with most. Some jealousy is a good thing, and for sure it can be overdone.

I was with a longtime gf once when a guy came up and sat down in my stool at a bar when I went to take a whizz. I came back and politely told him he was in my chair. He told me to find my own, so I just picked him up and set him to the side. He wanted to argue, but his buds grabbed him up.

I wasn't gonna let him take my stool and talk to my date, at his pleasing!


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

cindilu said:


> How in the world does jealousy secure a mate? That is usually a turn off to me?


I will venture to guess that this comment was meant for me. I never said jealousy secures a mate. I said we like to secure a mate. We need to know that our relationships are secure, trustworthy, and stable. Jealousy usually comes out when security is jeopardized or in question. 

How healthy jealousy is depends on how healthy the person feeling the jealousy is. The more irrational and insecure the person the more intense and unreasonable their jealousy might be, but a healthier person will have a healthier jealousy and express it in healthier ways. 

Healthy way: (bob and sue are married) Bob says: "sue, you have been spending a lot of time with your male work friend Rodger and I notice how close you are both becoming, are you developing romantic feelings for Rodger? I have to be honest and tell you I am a little worried that you are falling in love with him." Bob expresses his concerns and fears and then seeks the facts before reacting on those fears.
The unhealthy way: Bob just assumes sue is sleeping with Rodger and starts a screaming fight about with sue then punches Rodger in the face and breaks Rodger's windshield with a tire iron. Bob reacts to his preconceived conclusions and his fears without pausing to check there validity causing needless pain and suffering for himself and others.


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## lonelytree (Feb 28, 2008)

NickieL said:


> I decided... Since men cheat anyway, the next relationship I have will be an open one. So long as they are honest about who else they are seeing.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Homesteading Today


Noooooooooo..... if I ran into that you would be alone. I desire a committed relationship.


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## NoClue (Jan 22, 2007)

Jealousy is a complex subject.

I've been in relationships where the fact that I displayed no jealousy was a big issue. It was taken as meaning that I didn't care or placed no value on them. That I meant it as a form of respect for their judgement and character didn't seem to matter much. Not displaying it doesn't mean I never feel it. I choose which of my feelings I act on though, and I refuse to succumb to jealousy. 

In my first marriage, I was on the receiving end of manic jealousy and I found it soul-crushing. I never cheated or had the inclination to cheat, and tried everything in my power to prove to her that I was worthy of and deserved her trust, only to discover that her jealousy existed independently of anything I did or didn't do. I can't imagine that it was much fun for her either. In the end, her jealousy drove me away, not to another woman, just away from her.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

What you dont know wont hurt you. As long as the one straying wears protection.

Do I really feel this way? No. I am a very loyal woman to the end. But I cannot control what others do. Just dont get caught. I am not one to look for infidelity, but if it's bluntly obvious, then Houstan we have a huge problem.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

JohnnyLee said:


> I used to be very jealous when I was younger, but as I got older, I find it a waste of time. 9 times out of 10 if someone does something that makes you jealous, that is a warning sign that love is headed out the door.


One cannot make another feel jealousy. It is a choice that person makes.

I probably felt jealousy when I was young and immature, but I gave it up for Lent and never took it up again. I brought my children up to not feel that emotion, that they don't own another person. I also never liked a man in my life who felt jealousy or possessiveness towards me. Nope!


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

bstuart29 said:


> Lately especially on facebook been hearing some say they get jealous cause they love or care for someone but I think that's foolish to say the least jealousy is never a good thing and if ya trust ya lady ya have no reason to be jealous(can be the woman being jealous also).


Jealousy is a weakness in my opinion.
I find it unattractive, manipulative, and down right immature.



littlejoe said:


> Guess I'll disagree with most. Some jealousy is a good thing, and for sure it can be overdone.
> 
> I was with a longtime gf once when a guy came up and sat down in my stool at a bar when I went to take a whizz. I came back and politely told him he was in my chair. He told me to find my own, so I just picked him up and set him to the side. He wanted to argue, but his buds grabbed him up.
> 
> I wasn't gonna let him take my stool and talk to my date, at his pleasing!


I don't see this as jealousy.
I see this as "you are a confident man, and confident enough that Mr. Stud Puffs was in your space and needed to be removed from it, period".
"Jealousy" says: "So gf, did you like him sitting there, I saw how you looked at him, do you wish he was sitting here, bla bla bla.....

I believe what you displayed was a very masculine and normal behavior.:grin:


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Jealousy and possessiveness are downright creepy to me. but some people enjoy those kind of relationships. Nope, not for me.

We either choose trust and respect or we don't.


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## Cornhusker (Mar 20, 2003)

A little jealousy is cute, but I've been on the receiving end of crazy, mean, nasty, stalker jealousy, and it's definitely a turn off.
Especially when it's undeserved.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

so, all you ladies who seem to be above jealousy are you saying that if an attractive woman flirts aggressively with your man you do not feel even the slightest threat from that woman?

What about celeb crushes, that would not bother you? What about if he admires or has a crush on a woman in your community or one of your friends? Just because we are with someone does not mean that we are not attracted to, turned on by, and tempted by other people.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

Celebrity crushes?? Well, my husband has a free pass to be with Sara Evans and I have one to be with Hank Williams, Jr. We agreed on this years ago (not like it will ever happen!)

I have a very good looking husband (at least I think so!) When woman flirt with him I am happy for him. It makes him feel good about himself and because I love him I want that for him. 

When men flirt with me my husband is not jealous. He knows who I go home with!!!

We are both confident with ourselves and our relationship. Truthfully, when women flirt with him it turns me on...makes me want to enjoy what they don't get!


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

You cannot control other people. You can only control yourself and your emotions. People are beautiful, it's only natural to be attracted to more then one person. The woman flirting does not threathen me. I cannot control her being attractive to my future mate nor vice versus.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

It is a compliment to ME when women flirt with my husband. It proves that I am with a handsome guy!!! 

Insecurity breeds jealousy. Confidence is attractive.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

I completely agree shan


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

I do get jealous when Fowler likes other women. I just can't help it.


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## painterswife (Jun 7, 2004)

Jealousy is a natural healthy emotion. Acting on that jealousy or letting it dictate how you live your life is where the problems begin.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

shanzone2001 said:


> I do get jealous when Fowler likes other women. I just can't help it.


I will shank a beotch over you


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

Dang...I love you!!!


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Jealousy is a weakness in my opinion.
> I find it unattractive, manipulative, and down right immature.
> 
> 
> ...


My response has been different. I came back to my chair just as she was telling the ----, " look, I'm not interested in your game". I looked at him and smiled. As he staggered away, our table opened and we enjoyed our evening together. I mentioned," i thought you handled that very well". She replied, " Thank You, i waited all week to be here with you, that guy was not going to wreck that!" :rock: hello... My kind of gal!! I like confident women that can handle themselves.

1st rule of the Samurai. Diplomacy is the master skill. Swords come later if needed. :hobbyhors


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

If you donât have trust in the constancy of your mate, then you arenât starting out with much. So no; in my world, anyway, itâs not the behavior of the other person toward my partner that causes feelings of jealousy â itâs how heâs reacting to it.

Some examples:

When my husbandâs ex-wife wanted to visit the USA from Australia, I invited her to stay with us for two weeks. Some people thought that was weird. My feeling was, if he wanted to be with her, heâd have stayed in Australia â not moved halfway around the world to be with me. She and I got on fine and it was also healthy for their daughter to see that her mother and I enjoyed a comfortable relationship. Their daughter didnât have to divide her loyalties.

When male friends of mine asked to come stay at our home as they frequently had in my past, my husband was a little troubled with jealousy â until I pointed out that if Iâd wanted to be with any of them, it would have been a whole lot easier than importing him from Australia. He recognized the truth of that and welcomed my male friends into our home â and became friends with them, too. Once in a committed relationship, I did not actively seek out friendships with new men. But I wasnât going to abandon well established ones, either. He understood and was fine with it.

Trust. Trust.

Of course we will find other persons attractive as we move through life. A brief appreciation of someoneâs looks or manner is perfectly normal and fine. Women flirting with a man of mine is acceptable. Him flirting back is not. And vice versa. There are ways of being polite and kind to someone without engaging in reciprocal flirting.

The last man with whom I lived was embarrassingly attractive. Watching how women acted around him was a source of amusement to me. I canât count how many times I watched him step away, kindly but firmly, from someone who was becoming too physically familiar, even on occasion having to gently remove their arms from around his neck. He would give me his, âGet me out of here!â look and it never failed to make me laugh.

Trust. Isnât that really all youâve got?

doingitmyself, exactly. I was going to say, littlejoe, if I had been your date, you'd not have had to lift a finger. I'd have given my sweetest smile to the fellow and said something like, "Your unwanted buttcheeks are occupying the seat of my friend, who will be back in just a moment. Please don't embarrass yourself further by sticking around until he gets back, ok?"


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## NickieL (Jun 15, 2007)

I used to have trust. For ten rotten years I trusted someone. Boy was that a mistake. Never again. 


Sent from my iPhone using Homesteading Today


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

NickieL said:


> I used to have trust. For ten rotten years I trusted someone. Boy was that a mistake. Never again.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Homesteading Today


Dont let it change you Nickie, trusting comes naturally for me and some day someone will appreciate it. You cant control people or what they do but you can stay true to yourself.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

NickieL said:


> I used to have trust. For ten rotten years I trusted someone. Boy was that a mistake. Never again.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Homesteading Today



I understand....boy do I understand....in my case it was 30 wonderful years....but so much was removed from my life that I am trying very hard not to lose trust too...after all it was just one man....I gotta believe there are many trustworthy others out there!


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

For you Roadless  No regrets

[youtube]V1CTCeiJOds[/youtube]


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

Fowler said:


> Dont let it change you Nickie, trusting comes naturally for me and some day someone will appreciate it. You cant control people or what they do but you can stay true to yourself.


What she says is true, at least this time! lol :banana:


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

NickieL said:


> I used to have trust. For ten rotten years I trusted someone. Boy was that a mistake. Never again.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Homesteading Today


Trust is never a mistake, trusting the wrong people/person sometimes just happens. They can be very good at deception. Most times your friends know who's a loser even if you don't. Just ask em, they will tell you.

Learn to trust a few people at first, then add a few more.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Thanks Fowler.... I never heard that before...brought tears to my eyes :Bawling: but hey I had 30 years with a man I loved and I still have much to give :kissy:.....so its all good!


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

NickieL said:


> I used to have trust. For ten rotten years I trusted someone. Boy was that a mistake. Never again.


 This is one of the main reasons I joined our rural volunteer fire department, to build trust with men. I don't date these guys, but I drill, respond to call outs and even run into fires with them. It's been accelerated learning on who's trustworthy and who's not.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

doingitmyself said:


> Trust is never a mistake, trusting the wrong people/person sometimes just happens. They can be very good at deception. Most times your friends know who's a loser even if you don't. Just ask em, they will tell you.
> 
> Learn to trust a few people at first, then add a few more.


 
Unless you are also a bad judge of character when it comes to friends.


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

I had one of those celebrity crushes once...but it was real! She went by the moniker of Angelina Jolie.

Had to give her the gate though  Those paper cuts suck!


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

People who cheat in a relationship only cheat themselves .


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

City Bound said:


> so, all you ladies who seem to be above jealousy are you saying that if an attractive woman flirts aggressively with your man *you do not feel even the slightest threat from that woman?*


Nope



> What about celeb crushes, that would not bother you?


Like he thinks Jamie Lee Curtis is hot?
Um, no.....she IS hot!!



> What about if he admires or has a crush on a woman in your community or one of your friends?


THAT is a respect / trust issue.



> Just because we are with someone does not mean that we are not attracted to, turned on by, and tempted by other people.


I can admire a beautiful man, or woman (and I am straight) without being a pervert, or a dirt bag.
I think Will Smith is SMOKIN' Hot.......and any man would say at the least "yeah, he's in shape".
I think Jamie Lee Curtis is SMOKIN' Hot........and any woman would at the least say "yeah, she's in shape".

There is a HUGE difference in acknowledging another human beings beauty (inside or out) and being a 'flirt or immature child with a crush".

IMHO
YMMV


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

Yeah I've been noticing someone's jealous lately.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Probably the greatest lessons I have learned in life are about jealousy and forgiveness. As many have said, you cannot control other people, and they will do what they will do. Ultimately we are responsible for our own wounds. Sometimes that means protecting yourself and removing yourself from danger, and sometimes it means being vulnerable. Anyone who has lived has every reason in the world to not trust anyone, but why would you want to live like that? Forgiveness is a blessing to yourself, understanding that others are only human and sometimes humans suck. After my 1'st marriage I thought I would never trust again. I was surprised to find I was far less jealous than before. I do, however, have firm and well defined boundaries. There are things I will tolerate ad finem, and things I will not tolerate one time, and jealousy doesn't enter into it. That doesn't mean I don't have a flash of it now and then, but only a hint now and then that is either easily squashed or leads to serious consideration of why I am feeling that way.


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

I have never been a really jealous person...,because I trusted him... I trusted him to the point of agreeing to his having his own apartment in another city during a temporary job assignment for 6 months... I will never know if he was faithful during that time or not...Now..after all that has happened my ability to trust has been damaged.... It would take time for me to develop trust with a new guy....but I could develop trust again with the right guy....


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

If the bond of trust is there, abiding jealousy has no foothold. I think everyone has twinges now and again; how you deal with them shows the maturity of both you and your relationship. Communication, again, is key.

It is complimentary to you if someone finds your mate attractive, and it is up to you to strengthen the bond of the relationship every opportunity that you have. Never take your partner for granted.

Having had a mate that was extremely jealous, I can't say that I care for that. Personally, I am not very jealous. Who I am with either wants me, or they don't. 

~ST


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Amen Vicker!!


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

My sliders are not dirty. They have sheets of plastic to cut glare/ visibility. You can see it starting to peel on the lower left corner of the right hand side.:bash:


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

LOL doodle, Are you sure it's jealousy, not, "MMMM, delicacy."


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

JohnnyLee said:


> What she says is true, at least this time! lol :banana:


Wish I could like that twice!!


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## sss3 (Jul 15, 2007)

When DS was adopted DD was 2. About the time he was crawling, she started biting him. She was relentless. I tried everything I could think of to stop her. One day, I had just had it with her behavior. I grabbed her arm and sank my teeth into it. She never bit him again. Going forward 12-13 yrs, I told a therapist about the biting. I could tell by the look that crossed her face, she understood the situation. I asked what the biting meant; she said, 'jealousy.' I'm a believer that many traits people have as young children carry over into adult life. Hope this wasn't a thread drift.


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