# Baseless lies 2



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Melissa stole one of the bases in the last HT baseball game.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

We all know better than to ask Joshie who's on first.

[YOUTUBE]sShMA85pv8M[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sShMA85pv8M[/ame]


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## PNP Katahdins (Oct 28, 2008)

Soulsurvivor wants to start the Occupy HT movement but can't figure out where to pitch the first tent. She needs to know which moderator suggested closing the super-thread to "save storage space" or whatever the excuse was. The 99 cannot be denied! That's 99 HT members, not what you were thinking.

Peg


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

PNP cannot count past 99.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

joshie collects buttonholes.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Moving and not leaving me a forwarding address was not a good idea. I found you all, and now I am mad. MAD, I tell you, mad.

Double D should sleep with the lights on tonight, cause I am MAD!!!


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## sisterpine (May 9, 2004)

I am not good at this game but sure am having a good time reading it! Thanks! sisterpine


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## Batt (Sep 8, 2006)

Sisterpine was the instigator of all this.


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## oldmanriver (Aug 1, 2004)

Batt sells dogs on the korean black market


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## Ohio dreamer (Apr 6, 2006)

oldmanriver said:


> Batt sells dogs on the korean black market


Yes, but Oldmanriver buys them!


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Ohio dreamer is currently making a movie about cheese and spam and how together they can feed the world........but it's rated R.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

If you send 2doordad the lowly sum of $9.95 he will mail you a "Make Your Own Parade" kit complete with a kazoo, balloon, 6 yards of curly ribbon and a blank posterboard. 

None can afford to make large parade floats in these difficult economic times but 2doordad promises to work with any community to find creative ways to fill in those gaps. 

I'm sure he'd like to discuss this with you but he's currently somewhere in Virginia chasing down zebras.


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## tinknal (May 21, 2004)

Soulsurvivor threatened that (he-she?) would reveal (his-her) secret love child with Melissa if she didn't shut down the first Baseless Lie thread.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

It would be tinknal's dream come true to pull taffy with Paula Deen.


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## tinknal (May 21, 2004)

soulsurvivor said:


> It would be tinknal's dream come true to pull taffy with Paula Deen.


tinknal had to google Paula Deen, but hey, that's not a lie, I think soulsurvivor just killed this thread!

Soulsurvivor kills threads to hide bitterness over being voted "most likley to swallow live frogs" in high school.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I live the frog philosophy.









On the other hand, tinknal strings Christmas tree lights around his pond and then coats the lights with dead fly sweat to entice all the pond frogs to swallow a Christmas light and provide him (at no extra cost) a beautiful string of lighted tree frogs. It's so festive and so, I don't know, tightwad of him to decorate for the holidays like that.


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## tinknal (May 21, 2004)

I actually use fireflies.

Soulsurvivors sweat smells like pickles and garlic.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

And here I thought it was going to remain our little secret....

If you entrust tinknal with keeping a secret be forewarned he doesn't know mum's the word.


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## PNP Katahdins (Oct 28, 2008)

Soulsurvivor's mum would like to run off with Tinknal. SS is not amused.

Peg


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

PNP was an extra in willy Wonka and the chocolate factiry.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

2door has nerves of steel as all the other posters. I keep waiting for Clovis to sanction this Baseless Lies # two thread! I cannot tell a lie without Clovis's approval!!


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## PNP Katahdins (Oct 28, 2008)

Poor Pattycake doesn't realize that Clovis has abandoned us.

Peg


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

PNP knows that CLovis has abandoned us because she has him locked in the cellar. Again. She keeps hoping he will sing Christmas carols with her.


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## Jerngen (May 22, 2006)

But most folks don't know that Beccachow actually dug a secret tunnel into that cellar, knocked Clovis unconcious, dragged Clovis over to Pattycake's house, and left Clovis tied up in the bedroom closet with a sign around Clovis's neck saying that PNP Katahdins is responsible. 
Beccachow is on the phone with Scotland Yard now anonymously telling them where to find Clovis.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Jerngen really believes that he is Chuck Norris. He did a roundhouse kick with his bare left foot to a football. All his toenails fell off and he cried for awhile because he couldn't do any foot modeling.


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## Jerngen (May 22, 2006)

And soulsurvivor, upon seeing his pain, came to believe that he was indeed Chuck Norris.... altho an elderly and frail Chuck Norris now.... gathered him in her arms, wiped his tears away with her long flowing hair..... and promised revenge upon that evil football!! 
That pigskin is gonna die!!! Once she gets her hands on that dastardly football, she's going to feed it to the goats!!


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Jerngen, alias JG, is the head of a huge candy theft ring.


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## oldmanriver (Aug 1, 2004)

becca chow your name means you have a chow dog thar you are going to cook ??


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

oldmanriver plays the spoons in a jugband. He can wail.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Double D knows ALL about wailing. He suffered a traumatic injury and cried for 2 (of course) weeks straight.

How IS that papercut, Double D?


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Just when you think life isn't so interesting along comes someone like beccachow to stir the pot. She's trying to get on Dancing With The Stars so she can do the "Chow Chow". We keep trying to explain to her that it's the "Cha Cha" but she thinks we're not telling her the truth. Why would she doubt us like that?


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

SS, I have told you the show is NOT "Dancing At The Bars." Put the beer down, get off the table, and come with me quietly.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

It's healing great! Beccachow sells knock-off designer butter at swap meets. When caught she will most likely go to jail.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

2doordad hosts his own radio show called "Choose a Door". Callers get to choose Door 1 or Door 2 and 2doordad will tell them what they won. I think the game is rigged and 2door never gives away the good stuff. 

On his radio show this morning 2doordad gave away an expired pass to the local Halloween Haunted House. He got all choked up in telling the caller that they could have won an all-expense paid trip to Figi if they had chosen the other door. 

If anyone is interested he is interviewing for personal bodyguards tomorrow.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

In the North Pole, SS is known as Mrs. Claus.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Psssh, you mean MRS. CLAWS!! Joshie had cat scratch fever from SS, in fact.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Y'all stop lyin!!! Everyone knows that Becca makes toe butter from 2doordad's toes and Joshie sharpens Mrs. SS Claws helps to make "chicken scratch" to sell it as body scrub.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Fowler has an unusual way of decorating for the holidays. If you walk up to her front door you'll see a red point of light aimed at your head and then you'll hear a big boom that sounds like a gun being shot from inside her house. And then you hear this sound of Santa's voice saying "awww, you missed!"

ok, ok, I made up the part about Santa's voice cause I didn't stick around long enough to hear anything like that.... it's the holidays so give me a break.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

I bet you're glad it's Christmastime once again, my BFF. Your body odor leaves much to be desired during those hot Kentucky summer months.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

ya know? it does get a might trite in the aroma department. That's why I'm glad you gave me this bottle of cuddled herbs called "Make The World Go Away". You really need to think about bottling and selling this stuff. If you drink enough of this stuff you won't have to worry about not being buried. They'll be trying to sink you about 20 feet under to put some distance between you and them.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

For your information, that big boom you heard was triggered by you stepping onto my porch to keep you from leaving flaming poo, the laser show was to watch you chase the lights.....which I got on video.......LOL Next time I'm gonna put tape on your tail and watch you go crazy.....LMAO!!!


[youtube]qK4dHSk5nbQ[/youtube]


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## Heritagefarm (Feb 21, 2010)

Fowler drives a Hummer to spite Al Gore.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

HeritageFarm thinks a Hummer is what you do when you don't have a harmonica.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

SS hums cause she doesn't remember the words.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

BCCC's favorite activity is to make snow angels al naturale.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Photographers loved Joshie as an ear model. They didn't have to use their zoom lens. Her favorite quote was "do you ear what I ear?" and the rest of us are thinking silently to ourselves "honey, if you don't hear it ain't nobody gonna hear it." She moved on from a successful career of ear modeling to that of a wildlife tracking expert. With her long blonde hair acting as an antenna and her big ears she was able to track down Bigfoot. I'm still scratching my head over that one though. I think Bigfoot tracked her down because he found her big ears to be quite lovely.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

The fine time honored tradition of nude snow angel making is sadly on the decline. Either too close neighbors, too close highway, or a good dollop of common sense is wrecking this once sacred sport.

I tired to tell joshie that it is GINGERbread used in those houses, not white bread. She cries every year when her houses collapse on the tiny gum drop occupants trapped inside her Holiday Houses of Horrors. I can still hear their tiny tiny little screams...


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

beccachow said:


> The fine time honored tradition of nude snow angel making is sadly on the decline. Either too close neighbors, too close highway, or a good dollop of common sense is wrecking this once sacred sport.
> 
> I tired to tell joshie that it is GINGERbread used in those houses, not white bread. She cries every year when her houses collapse on the tiny gum drop occupants trapped inside her Holiday Houses of Horrors. I can still hear their tiny tiny little screams...


And now we know the rest of the story because bccc has the endowment of big ears too. Those tiny tiny little screams are only heard with really big ears. Us'uns of the smaller more petite ear frames are blessed to have such skilled ear knockers among us to alert us to the dangers of disasters. 

When they speak, we listen and try to forget.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS's ears are so big she wears them in a bra.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Anyone know about how they used to hang horse thieves?

Well, Joshie is wanted 14 states and the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico for stealing forum threads. 

I've been printing "Wanted: Dead or Alive" posters with Joshie's picture on them, and hanging them on every bulletin board around town.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Clovis, I saw one of those signs. The reason no one has responded is because you wrote:

Wanted: Bread or Endive. Thinking of dinner when you wrote those?


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## PNP Katahdins (Oct 28, 2008)

Clovis can't tell Joshie and Melissa apart. Melissa stole the Baseless Lies original and Joshie rescued it. Becca Chow Chow Chow watched and is considered a material witness.

Peg


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

PNP can't tell the difference between Joshua and Melissa.


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## PNP Katahdins (Oct 28, 2008)

Oh, Joshie, yes I can. Melissa is a palomino.

Peg


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

PNP is no pal-o-Melissa's.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie likes waving to the bears:

[YOUTUBE]O6Xo21L0ybE[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6Xo21L0ybE[/ame]

and playing with the lizards:

[YOUTUBE]ZceMkNuhj5k[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZceMkNuhj5k[/ame]


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

SS has been sited several times at national parks for aggravated waving at animals. There are multiple wild animals with severe arm and shoulder strains. She will most likely due hard time for it at some point.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

2d is doing hard time.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Joshie gives everyone a hard time.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

BCCC has rocks in her head.


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## Heritagefarm (Feb 21, 2010)

Joshie has a head for a rock. That is, her head is a rock. An unusual kind of lead mineral, Bournonite. That is way she is commonly seen chewing on lead ingots. She hasn't found a good coterie yet, since her meningeal system is a bit hard. :shocked:


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

HF is in trouble when I find a dictionary.


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## Heritagefarm (Feb 21, 2010)

Unbeknownst to BecaaSchnauzer, her head acts as a dictionary. Instead of doing the proper facelift like the PaleoImeanplasticsurgen was supposed to, he simply installed a dictionary right in BecaaSchnauzer's face. Works great for everyone except her.  And I am referring to this post from the third-person twice removed from Bob on my cousin's side.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

HF shaves his armpits.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie writes for comic book companies. Anything she says has to fit into an idea balloon. BOOM!! POW!! TAKE THAT!! :stars:


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## Heritagefarm (Feb 21, 2010)

SS is from 2387 AD. She knows all about my long-life drug, too. :shocked:


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS is a dud spud.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I have HF convinced that I hung the moon.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I hope he locates Joshie while there.

LOOK OVER THERE HF! I KNOW SHE'S STANDING CLOSE TO THE AMERICAN FLAG!

Poor thing.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Soulsurvivor signed up in her local primary schools to be an after school tutor. Her primary focus was telling each and every child that there was no such thing as Santa Claus. Even among their many tears she still feels that this is her mission in life.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

pattycake said:


> Soulsurvivor signed up in her local primary schools to be an after school tutor. Her primary focus was telling each and every child that there was no such thing as Santa Claus. Even among their many tears she still feels that this is her mission in life.


 Oh my goodness! Truth break here! My own son was 4 years old and told me there wasn't a Santa Clause because he had watched me put the presents under the tree and eat the cookie and drink the milk. I had no clue he was awake and watching. I couldn't lie to him. I've never lied to him intentionally about anything to this day. I sure did want to cry though as he hugged my neck and said "that's ok mommy. I'll pretend with you." :Bawling:


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

soulsurvivor said:


> Oh my goodness! Truth break here! My own son was 4 years old and told me there wasn't a Santa Clause because he had watched me put the presents under the tree and eat the cookie and drink the milk. I had no clue he was awake and watching. I couldn't lie to him. I've never lied to him intentionally about anything to this day. I sure did want to cry though as he hugged my neck and said "that's ok mommy. I'll pretend with you." :Bawling:


You see, Soul has green skin, and whiskers, not to mention her bad breath. 

She resembles the Grinch so much that her son was terribly confused from the outset.

Each year, she set out all the gifts for the little one's to see, and then, after they went to bed, she stole all the gifts, returned them to the Dollar Tree, and spent the money at a shady tavern on the other side of the tracks.

All of her kids knew the truth when someone spoke about 'the Grinch that stole Christmas'.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

clovis ownes the shady tavern.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

2doordad is also known as 2chimneydad. One chimney is for the good Santa that brings the children's toys and one chimney is for the bad Santa who brings the adults' toys. Guess which one 2doordad watches with hopeful expectations?


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Once again this thread is in danger of dying out due to no one wanting to post following Soulsurvivor's post. Her lies are so cruel that we can no longer risk our reputation. Let it be said that Soul is the biggest liar of all.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

PC is not politically correct.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie, I hope Santa gets your wish list in time for Christmas. I know that idea of yours to send it through a game of Pass Along was a creative way around putting a stamp on it, but those geese you gave it to are migrating in the other direction. :smack


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Calling all Liars! Since even the armed forces call a truce for Christmas I am calling for a truce here. Merry Christmas and may your days be merry and bright.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Pattycake went more than a little crazy with the Christmas spirit or, more accurately, the Christmas spirits. <burp>


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## PNP Katahdins (Oct 28, 2008)

:buds:


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## Heritagefarm (Feb 21, 2010)

PNP has recently taken up bungee jumping. She says it gives her that brilliant thrill of zesty, youthful adrenal rush that could only be accomplished when her new Mercedes Benz CLS class went from 0 to 60 in three seconds.


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## PNP Katahdins (Oct 28, 2008)

I didn't jump. HF pushed me, then took my new car for a joyride, after sharing Pattycake's holiday spirits.

Peg


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## Heritagefarm (Feb 21, 2010)

A little known fact is that PNP Katahdins actually stands for "Purine Nucleoside Phosphorylase Katahdins." She is engineering a new breed of sheep that can metabolize at astounding rates and reach 110 pounds in a matter of days. She is not going to share the secret, and will soon have a monopoly on the world sheep market. She will also join the elite and very rare group of farmers to actually make money.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Heritagefarm is just jealous because he finally figured out that you can't milk emu's.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Fowler said:


> Heritagefarm is just jealous because he finally figured out that you can't milk emu's.


Oh, ok, that's what HF was going on about when he was talking about the "mean pecker"... it's an emu trying to bite him. . . . . whew, kinda relieved to hear that.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS is a bit grumpy day today because she sat on a porcupine.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

It's all Fowler's fault. She told me to sit there and I did. Last time I believe you or her about how it's easy to sit on pincushions.

Grumpy? Don't you mean lumpy? My rear end looks like a runaway game of tic tac toe.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

No matter what Fowler said, my BFF, one does not play tic tac toe by pushing tacks in toes.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie said:


> No matter what Fowler said, my BFF, one does not play tic tac toe by pushing tacks in toes.


oooh, the wee little piggie is shakin with fright! Everyone knows you push tacks in your dancing shoes, not your toes.

[YOUTUBE]WsYAXPqVnYM[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsYAXPqVnYM[/ame]


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Joshie and SS are tap dancing chickens!!! Now I know why their always clucking...LOL!!

[youtube]XdwmAwqg07k[/youtube]


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## Heritagefarm (Feb 21, 2010)

Fowler uses politicians to power her hot air balloon.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Well at least I'm not the weed fairy posing as a cream seperator......LMAO!!!!

[youtube]ttpIqh_wszg[/youtube]


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## Heritagefarm (Feb 21, 2010)

When Fowler is low on Politician fuel, she uses Gypsy fuel. She says it's less flame, but way more color.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

HF dyed his hair with Loreal Cherry Truffle color.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie, your wig delivery came here by mistake. I opened it before looking at the name on the box and sorry about that. I've sent it on to your house. I really liked the multicolored one with all the attached mirrors. You're going to shine on New Years Eve with that one.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

BFF, thanks for the Christmas card. Your husband is a fine looking gentleman. I would suggest, though, that your antlers and Rudolph nose were a little over the top.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS partied neeked in Times Square last night.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie rents herself out as a lie detector.... she comes here for the practice.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

HF hasn't posted lately because SS used him as target practice.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie stays busy making chess pies. She's convinced they cure chess colds.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Did anyone watch Meet the Press this morning? This two hour Republican debate kept scanning the audience and the woman who kept going to sleep was our very own SoulSurvivor!!


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

The Secret Service wouldn't let Pattycake into the debate. I thought that they were a little bit grumpy when they refused to play Ring Around the Rosie with you.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

pattycake said:


> Did anyone watch Meet the Press this morning? This two hour Republican debate kept scanning the audience and the woman who kept going to sleep was our very own SoulSurvivor!!


That was tame compared to what I really did many years ago when I was working as a classroom teacher. I had to attend a mandatory training on a Saturday morning and I was late arriving, so had to take the only seat up front on the end of the aisle. It was a lecture, done by a soft-voiced lady that lulled me into deep sleep. The chair was a soft leather seat and back but no arms. I suddenly came awake and found myself doing the limbo. I was still seated but the upper half of my body was hanging in mid-air in the aisle. It was about the same moment I realized that everyone behind me was trying not to laugh out loud. I found out later from one of my collegues that I had put on quite a show before I woke up. I think she compared it to watching a snake charmer. . .


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie has been a bit stressed since opening her daycare for misplaced toys. I hear Gumby has been running rampant and destroying all her carefully placed Beyer horse collections.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

SS enjoys scaring small children...... and general foods international coffees.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

2D loves eating toads dipped in coffee.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

I agree that Joshie is overly stressed with her new misplaced toys venture. She should have insisted that Mr. Potato Head not be allowed to bring his angry eyes. Today was so bad it might be the end of this well thought out (?) business.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

PC cannot distinguish between men and women.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Joshie steals dirty socks out of the laundromat and wears them.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Beccachow has been volunteering as a traffic cop in the town center and statistics show a 50% increase in traffic accidents. She's always been directionally challenged, so we who are her best friends and know this about her wonder why she's allowed to direct traffic in the first place. Keep checking back for details as this saga unfolds in the months ahead.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

So poor Becca is your best friend? Best friends don't let best friends be a thread killer! Becca is a friend abuser.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

PC was featured on America's Most Wanted tonight.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie and her Sedgeway square dance club are over at the roundabout on the other side of town. That's where the city has placed beccachow for directing traffic. Joshie and her gang go round and round the circle where beccachow stands and they try to make her dizzy and mess up with the pointing directions. It really doesn't matter which way beccachow points though. . .duh, it's a circle. And pattycake would join in the fun if she could ever figure out how to keep going around the circle and not have to come out of it. 

When the weather gets a little warmer 2doordad and fowler are setting up lawn chairs and food stands for any who want to view the circling Sedgeways. I'm not certain but there are rumors that Heritagefarm is planning to bring his collections of marbles, weapons, and broken chemistry sets for viewing too. PNP is going to ride her emu at some point in the circle of fun. That should slow things down a bit.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Oh, no you don't, SS. No emu riding. This traffic directing is SERIOUS business. It wasn't funny when you drove backwards through the intersection to try to confuse me.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Really? You seemed to think it was funny when you gave me that $200 traffic fine. I sure hope the State of Maryland has traffic cams that don't lie.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Silly SS, of COURSE our traffic cams lie. I come from a state world reknowned for its liars. Too bad I believe in 100% honesty every time, all the time; they are trying to have me thrown out of the state. By the way, you spelled my last name wrong on the check when you paid your...ummm...fine, yeah, fine, that's what it was.

SS plays mean tricks on her kids by shaking feathers out of pillows in front of their bedroom windows and yelling, "No school for you! Look at that snow coming down!" She tipped her hand when she tried it in June, though.


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## PNP Katahdins (Oct 28, 2008)

beccachow said:


> I come from a state world renowned for its liars.


I didn't realize that Beccachowchowchow was from Wisconsin, home of the Burlington Liars' Club: http://www.burlingtonliarsclub.com/

HT Baseless Lies conspirators (er, contributors) should all be honorary members of the BLC, too.

Peg


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

PNP is known far and wide as an international liar and she's always in high demand to speak at liar conferences. She gets rave reviews for her presentation on how to travel Europe on a dollar a day. She also makes a good income from the sale of her book of same name.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS is trying to sell PNP on ebay for $2.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Yep, and I can't get an opening bid. I'm thinking of switching her over to Craig's List.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

SS has been banned from e-bay for using racey language.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

2doordad thinks in and out is racey language.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS won Churchill Downs.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS runs as fast as a slug.


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## PNP Katahdins (Oct 28, 2008)

Joshie is desperate for someone to talk to. She's even talking to herself now. Hello, Joshie, can you hear me or is the wind too strong down your way?

Peg


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## Heritagefarm (Feb 21, 2010)

PNP actually meant to spell her username as GMP Kathadhihns. She really loves H's and believes that the word needs more. Try pronouncing that- 'twill leaveth ye breathless. The GMP was because she recently learned about Glutamate monophasphate and needs to do some serious work on her sheep's eyeballs. She says they need more carrots.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Heritagefarm is standing on a corner, in Winslow, Arizona.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

.... meanwhile, here's clovis wearing his gardening gloves to direct traffic...

[YOUTUBE]44oEpvch4AQ[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44oEpvch4AQ[/ame]


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS likes to flip off cops.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie likes to watch bird flippers.

[YOUTUBE]7vBo0ptYJNs[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vBo0ptYJNs[/ame]


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS flips cows.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

At least I don't go round waving at bears like you do all the time:

[YOUTUBE]O6Xo21L0ybE[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6Xo21L0ybE[/ame]


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

clovis, they found your lost Amazon order:

[YOUTUBE]E8su0CA8ji8[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8su0CA8ji8[/ame]


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS ordered a bare bear from Amazon and sent it to clovis.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Soul owns this entire thread as she knows that some of us have slow dial up connections and cannot view her utube responses. We may be slow but we are not stupid!!


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

a n d - p a t t y c a k e - n e e d s - e v e r y t h i n g - t o - g o - s l o w - s o - s h e - c a n - k e e p - u p - i n - h e r - o l d - a g e.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Let me rephrase that. I may be old but I am not stupid. I suspect that the AARP fine will take a big chunk out of Soul's Social Security check. She thinks it is worth it as she loves making fun of us retired folk but keep in mind that her poor husband has to suffer for her middle of the night fun.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Pattycake is so old that AARP kicked her out.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie doesn't look her age. Then again, we're not sure how old she is and leave it up to you to pick a number, any number, between 80 and a 100.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

My BFF doesn't brush her two remaining teeth.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

aha, and you had to edit that one. What did you say the first time my sweet BFF? :gaptooth:


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

I am heading off to bed soon and know that SS will be at her finest while we poor country folk try to rest our tired bodies. She is always up in the middle of the night as that is her shift for watching out for UFO'S!


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

The UFOs only become IFOs if you stay up all night pattycake. Prop them pretty eyelids of yours open and watch as they ever so slowly approach your house to whisk you away to cow cow land.

[YOUTUBE]3Gg1Avygqso[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Gg1Avygqso[/ame]

Oh, that's right! You can't watch youtube. So sorry. Here's the website...
http://www.cowabduction.com

Be sure to click on the cow! Moo Moo all the way!


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS uses toothpicks to hold her eyes in, not just open.


----------



## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Most people don't know this, but Joshie was originally the fourth member of the Bee Gee's.

He is best known for his lyrics, the opening lines of Stayin' Alive:

"Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk, I am a woman's man; No time to talk."

The Bee Gees kicked him out of the band for his other original lyrics later in the song:

"Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, stayin' alive, stayin' alive".


----------



## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Clovis wrestles rabid racoons in the rain. Really.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

and beccachow takes her Sesame Street letter of the week lessons very seriously. I just love to be around her during F week.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

My BFF fans the five festive freckles on her fanny.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Mr. SS made beans today and now we're paying for it. Peeeewwww


----------



## clovis (May 13, 2002)

There's Joshie again, making up even more lies about someone, even though it isn't her turn.

How is that padded room they have you locked in, Joshie?


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

I find the padding rather comfortable, Clovis. I thank you for your concern. Has your nose healed yet? You really shouldn't pick your nose and eat those buggers anymore.


----------



## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Joshie proudly hosts the Annual Boogie Ball every year. Could someone tell her that boogie means DANCING? No one wants to sit around and watch her pick her nose all night. Again.


----------



## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

I just hate to be the one to bring this up but poor beccachow is ill. It seems she bought many Super bowl tickets that she planned to scalp at the Lucas Oil Stadium. Things didn't work out as planned so she is now eating the tickets (actually having to eat cardboard) and feels poorly.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Pattycake's two loves are cooking and cars. It's unfortunate that she often confuses the two. She puts olive oil in her car and motor oil in her salad dressing.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie is the good little food spy for us. We love to share meals with our friends. We tend to avoid the questionables though and that would be anytime becca tells us that "chow's on". We know becca never lies. It's also adviseable to avoid pattycake's dinner time if you see her outside checking under the car bumpers. She's known for drag racing in the forest to see what she can pick up for dinner.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

I musn't let Soul give me the credit for my dinner ideas. I got this hint from Pinterest. My meals are much, much better than eating cardboard.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Beg as you may, PC, I'm not gonna taste your food the next time ya ask. Ya coulda told me ya handed me candied cardboard 'fore I ate it.


----------



## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Joshie, stop being delusional. It was beccachow that was feeding her unsold Super Bowl tickets to all of you. I was merely just telling that I knew what she was doing. I am not a baseless liar at all! I am simply just pure and clean!


----------



## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

pattycake makes ketchup out of cats.


----------



## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Pattycake is as pure and clean as Double D. Which means not a gallon of bleach and all the Whisk in the world will wash those lies out. Shame on both of you.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

For beccachow it's a constant reminder of "this is your brain; this is your brain on chemical cleansers"; but she continues to huff and snuff. It's all pattycake's fault too for promoting that pure clean attitude.


----------



## PNP Katahdins (Oct 28, 2008)

Beccachowchowchow's tickets were actually for the Supper Bowl, not the Super Bowl. She still doesn't understand the difference. That's what huffing chemical cleansers will do to you.


----------



## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

I prefer permanent markers. We all know I don't clean.

Pefect N Prevaricating katadhins actually has emus she raises; SS told her they were sheep. Shearing is an entertaining experience around Prevaricating's farm.


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

beccachow "cleans" her house once a year around the holidays. She has a carpet layer come and install wall to wall carpeting over the old carpet. (She doesn't want it ripped out and releasing all that dirt in the air.) Sadly, beccachow has lived in her house so long, that she now has to stoop in her house because the carpeting is now 2' thick. (On a plus side, beccachow won't break a hip when she falls.)


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS is practicing for the World Hopscotching Tournament.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie knows all about the World Hopscotching Tournament. At last years' event Joshie wore herself out doing wolf whistles for the men's teams. We especially enjoyed the mens' team from Scotland. All that jumping tartan plaid was especially uplifting to our spirits.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS made those Scottish hopscotchers wear their undies. :Bawling:


----------



## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Joshie makes cheese sandwiches for the elderly, but doesn't unwrap the cheese. The shame.


----------



## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

2doordad said:


> Joshie makes cheese sandwiches for the elderly, but doesn't unwrap the cheese. The shame.


I got nothin'. :hysterical:


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

2doordad knows this about Joshie because 2doordad makes milkshakes for the elderly at the local Area Agency on Aging - using white paint.

beccachow volunteers at the same Area Agnecy on Aging just for giggles - she likes to see how many times a week plumbers have to be called due to plastic cheesewrappers clogging the toilets, plus she makes fun of the old folks that dribble the "milkshakes" on themselves and then can't get the stains out.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

It's not that I mind playing a round of golf with Michael W. Smith once in awhile, but it's so difficult to concentrate on the game. He insists on wearing loose comfortable pants that show off his plumber's crack. I'd overlook it, but I think he's doing it intentionally to throw me off my game.


----------



## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Soul Survivor wants to get MW a butt pillow. Tee hee.


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

beccachow has ordered every single butt pillow made available to man. She still hasn't found one big enough.


----------



## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Michael W. Smith said:


> beccachow has ordered every single butt pillow made available to man. She still hasn't found one big enough.


Oh dear. :dance: Once again, I got nothin'.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

beccachow said:


> Oh dear. :dance: Once again, I got nothin'.


HE DIDN'T SAY YOU GOT NOTHING. HE SAID YOU'RE WELL ENDOWED!!
:nanner:


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Those ain't no pillows you're wearing, my BFF.


----------



## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

I'm not sure I like being the butt of these jokes. (hahahahahaHAhaha)


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Dear Becky, you misunderstand. Your butt _is_ the joke.


----------



## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Joshie was a consultant for Time life books series "Gun Slingers". She is also on house arrest for "acting up" in public.


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

2doordad's lifetime ambition was to be a ballerina. Sadly he has 2 club feet, so his dreams were never realized. His wife does know about his dream, and when the kitchen floor needs cleaned, she ties two damp towels to his feet and let's him shuffle across the floor. He of course, wears his pink tutu while doing this.


----------



## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Micheal W. Smith's real name is Smith W. Michaels and he makes custom tu-tus. The are very comfy, I will ad.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Let it be known that 2doordad confessed to his fetish for wearing tu-tus! I of course have known for a a long time but swore I would take his secret to my grave.


----------



## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Pattycake used to be hooked on phonics.........now you is telling secrets?


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

2doordad accidentally closed his doors on his thumbs. It's made it difficult for him to play with pattycake.


----------



## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

SS is just jealous because she isn't co-ordinated enough to play pattycake and keeps slapping her friends in the forehead.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

She almost broke my nose.


----------



## clovis (May 13, 2002)

2doordad is still clubbing defenseless baby seals whenever he gets the chance.

He says it is a challenging hunt and recently started a trade organization for seal fur.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Those things will kill you the first chance they get. I think there is one outside right now!

clovis works for peta. He is always trying to bring me down.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

2doordad can't get "down" any lower. He spends most of his time crawling around on his stomach on a hunt for elusive baby seals.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Oh how I hate to come down on Michael W. Smith (he with that grandeur name)! I have no bone to pick but I must say that I know he hates baby kittens, baby puppies, baby calves, baby chickens, baby goats, baby horses, baby geese, baby Gap , Baby Einstein, baby anything. He just hates anything that takes attention away from him.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Pattycake grew up on a farm. But she didn't have any friends because she made cakes out of the cow patties. (Hence her name).

Even now as an adult, the minute a cow makes a patty, she can't control herself and starts making a cow patty cake in the still warm goo. She has been banned from her local fair because she has such a problem.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Well, just yuck! Michael needs to get on line immediately and apologize for that baseless lie! Michael, do you hear me? Do it right now!!


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

pattycake treats everyone like they're 10 years old, but she makes a decent chocolate chip cookie.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Oh SoulOmio, I hereby take control on this thread. Go to your room, NOW!! No cookies for you! NOW!!


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Ever defiant, SS stole Mama Pattycake's chocolate chip cookies as she stomped out of the room mumbling, "whatever."


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

No joke. This is my only cookie jar. He howls when you lift his mouth to get a cookie. My mom gave this to DH as a joke birthday gift many years ago. Our young granddaughter thought it was nifty enough to share at her class show and tell.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

pattycake said:


> Michael needs to get on line immediately and apologize for that baseless lie! Michael, do you hear me? QUOTE]
> 
> Well, you know what they say . . . . . there is some truth to what you hear. Just sayin'.
> 
> ...


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS has the hots for Amy Grant.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Michael W. Smith said:


> (By the way SS, that cookie jar CREEPS me out!!! It somehow reminds me of Elfie!)


Ha! You think you're creeped. Imagine what trauma a little toddler grandkid suffers! Here honey, let Sandy Grams get you a cookie.... 

My mom, may she rest in peace, thought it was hilarious. She was always pulling jokes on DH, all in fun. 

That picture belongs to the owner of that cookie jar in Clarkesville TN who had it for sale for $10. Just for the record I can't sell my cookie jar. My granddaughter says it's hers for when she gets married and has a baby that needs scary cookies.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

My BFF scares young children.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie said:


> MWS has the hots for Amy Grant.


Joshie knows I can't pass up an opportunity to post an Amy Grant video. This is one of my favorites and reminds me that we're here to love and learn the lessons of the heart...

[YOUTUBE]Rm5kx3xqmg0[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rm5kx3xqmg0[/ame]


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie said:


> My BFF scares young children.


That's not a lie. Wanna try again?


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

My BFF scares Amy Grant. :nana:

That's not a lie either. :doh: I have not lies left in me.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie said:


> My BFF scares Amy Grant. :nana:
> 
> That's not a lie either. :doh: I have not lies left in me.


Actually I could scare Amy Grant if she heard me trying to sing. We're going to have to send you back to Liar's School Joshie.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

As for me I will be flying my flag at half mast for a few days to honor Nevada and his great loss of Alma.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Half mast in over as Alma would want us to carry on. Soul is such a liar that she was the one that invented the Liar's School.


----------



## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

And Pattycake is the principle. Principal. Princable. Prince...

Teacher.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

BCCCCCCC is a gender bender.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

I wonder where my BFF wandered.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Joshie, Soul uses such a ruse. She had wandered down to Burger King where she has overdosed on burgers and fries. Forget that what's for supper thread. It is just a front. She is going to an early grave due to burgers and fries.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Fair warning that if you eat at pattycake's house be prepared to say "num num", not because it's "num num good" but because you will lose all the feeling in your mouth and the only thing you can say is "num num".


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

and she won't even offer to wipe your chin dribble. :ashamed:


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

soulsurvivor said:


> and she won't even offer to wipe your chin dribble. :ashamed:


Now do you REALLY want her to? I know where her hands have been!

Soulsurvivor wasn't drooling because of Pattycake's food. SS was drooling thinking about all that brake dust in the cookie jar. After SS got home from Patycake's, SS got a spoon and ate some of that brake dust.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Michael W. Smith said:


> Now do you REALLY want her to? I know where her hands have been!


:shocked:



:teehee:


If you see blood dribbling out of my mouth don't be concerned. I'm simply biting off my tongue to keep from saying anything that could get this thread closed down for eternity.

... but you go Michael W. Smith!!


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS is called 'The Dribbler' because she drinks chin dribble.


----------



## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Joshie's dog licks her chin as she sleeps, and she dreams it is SS. Very strange.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I understand beccachow is collecting craft supplies for her spring projects. I think we can once again expect her carefully threaded fish line stink bug jewelry, carefully interwoven with brilliant gemstone beads. And borrowing on an idea from Ravenlost are the cute socks with squashed stink bugs on the soles. It all promises to be her most creative offering yet.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

I cannot keep a secret, BCCCC. My dear BFF is making an extra special Christmas gift for you. She's popped the heads off tons and tons of stink bugs. She's painting them, drawing little stink bugs on them, and then stringing them for your extra special Stinky Necklace. Please act surprised when looking through your Christmas stocking. After all, she's putting in a ton of work into your very special gift.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

It doesn't happen often so we try to make the most of Joshie's release time. She wants Christmas she gets Christmas.


----------



## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

SS is in the witness relocation system, but don't tell anyone. It is a secret.


----------



## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Double D is a bounty hunter, so he knows this well.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

beccachow would know Double D is a bounty hunter, because she got caught by him. Why was she being hunted, you ask? Because beccachow would go into Hallmark giftshops and lick all the card envelopes and then close them.

Hallmark at first thought it was just due to humidity, but then caught beccachow on video camera. She was sentenced to a local restaurant to wash dishes for a year - by licking them clean.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS likes Double Ds.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie looks the same upside down. Michael W. Smith looks the same front and back. BCCC looks the same inside and out. 2doordad is identical twins. pattycake is a mess and we don't know what to make of her. And I of course am perfect.


----------



## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

SS is perfect. She also has an extra thumb on her foot.


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

2doordad is still a thumb sucker, which is why he is so intrigued with soulsurvivor's foot thumb.


----------



## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

MWS wears penny loafers to bed.


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

2doordad must be a Peeping Tom!!! 

I thought I saw movement out my bedroom window the other night . . . . . and the bedroom is on the 2nd floor!


----------



## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

I prefer the term observing Thomas. MWS's bed is a giant crib......on the second floor though, that's true.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Observing Thomas sucks his thumb while using a pogo stick to look into windows.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Joshie has worms.


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

2doordad knows this because he goes fishing all the time, and buys his worms from Joshie. Joshie has huge worm beds.

When the fish aren't biting, 2doordad gets bored and torments the worms until they die. Isn't there a saying about serial killers start out by killing animals?!?


----------



## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

MWS bought some of my worms for his birthday lunch. Happy Birthday!


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Well, I hate to interrupt 2 guys and their worm stories, but it is warm enough to go fishing. I'm still waiting for my fresh fish dinner at your place 2doordad. Oh, and I'd like fried cornbread instead of hushpuppies.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

SS stopped making hush puppies because they would keep yelping after she put them in the oil.
SS Kentucky isn't too far from here and I make a mean cornbread.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I bet you do and I would love to sample some of that. Are you a southern cook? ok, strike that question. Were you born and raised in MS? Or are you one of them transplants?


----------



## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Only Soul would be asking this question! Soul is actually born and raised in Russia. Why she tries to hide this is beyond me. There is really not much difference in Kentucky, Mississippi and Russia. Right?


----------



## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Pattycake is a goegraphy teacher. SS Raised in the south, but a mississippi transplant.


----------



## clovis (May 13, 2002)

2doordad said:


> goegraphy


And 2doordad is a spelling teacher.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

That's ok. He talks dirty to his food. I'd sure like some of that mean cornbread.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Soulsurvivor is known in her hometown as "Tar Mouth", for the fact that she seasons her cornbread pans with nothing but the best, Pennzoil 10W30 motor oil.

She used to use Valvoline straight 40 weight, but she things the 10W30 gives it a "lighter and crunchier taste."


----------



## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

:ashamed:


clovis said:


> And 2doordad is a spelling teacher.


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Clovis quit making cornbread because he used to season his pans with gasoline. He quit making cornbread when every single batch blew up in the oven.

2doordad is a spelling teacher, but his main certification was in basket weaving. He flunked his spelling certification. After graduating from college and he went looking for a job at the local high school, he quickly found out there are no jobs teaching basket weaving. But his high school needed a spelling teacher, so they hired him. (Apparently they failed to notice that he never actually got certified in spelling and actually failed it.)


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS is responsible for daylight savings time.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Sorry but I'm going to pull a pattycake "he said, she said" thing here, but Joshie "told me" that Michael W Smith, 2doordad, and clovis all had a bad case of the flu recently and used Frugal Tip #49 and saved their honked up snot wads to dehydrate and use as paperweights. Oh, and clovis likes to paint his snot wad paperweights to look like model racecars. Zoom Zoom.


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Soulsurvivor, I thought we all agreed that this secret was to kept only among us! But since we are leaving secrets out, I want to clarify some things.

First off, Soulsurvivor is the one that told us that Joshie did this. We thought it was a good idea since Joshie, Soulsurvivor, 2doordad, Clovis, and myself hate to throw anything away and prefer to recycle what we can.

However Soulsurvivor has taken this recycling to a whole new level! SS refuses to even throw away the used toilet paper and has a whole house full of wadded up, used toilet paper while trying to think of the best creation to make from it. 

I guess the neighbor's are complaining and the good news is that Soulsurvivor is going to get the help that is needed, because Soulsurvivor is going to be on the next filming of Hoarders.


----------



## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

MWS is a hobbit.


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

2doordad likes to lick windows. (His wife is always annoyed about the windows being both slimy & sticky.)


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

We all try to help Michael W Smith by limiting his outdoor time. He gets like this everytime we forget and leave him out in the sun too long.


----------



## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

As a vampire, SS gets no outdoor time. you don't want to SEE what happens to her when left in the sun too long.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Becky's new business is called Window Lickin' Good.


----------



## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Joshie wants me to run for President.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie voted for Al Gore. She thinks 2doordad is all that. Personally, I don't see the resemblance myself. I think he looks more like Donald Trump.


----------



## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

You're fired.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Double D, his wife, and children all have comb overs. For that matter, so do Becky and SS.


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

And Joshie is deeply jealous, being bald. Joshie did try hair plugs once, but went the cheap way. The doctor used pig hair and Joshie was so upset with the bristly results that Joshie pulled it all out.

Joshie now wears a baseball cap and refuses to take it off.


----------



## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Michael W. Smith is a nerd. A pocket protector using, flood pants and suspenders wearing, taped eyeglasses sporting, understands the computer manual and knows how to spell antidisestablishma...antidysestablish...antidisestablishmentaryi...cat...nerd.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Becky has dysentery.


----------



## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Joshie is in trouble if I ever find a dictionary.


----------



## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Beccachow-chow is the kind of woman that my mother warned me about.


----------



## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Funny, I could have sworn that somebody told me that Clovis never once listened to a word his mother said.


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

But what Clovis isn't saying, is that his Mother warned him about ALL women.

Not surprisingly, Clovis is 45 years old - and still lives with his Mother.

And as you can see, pattycake was in love with Clovis. However Clovis heeded his Mother's warnings and poor pattycake still pines for Clovis.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Michael W. Smith spent today rain dancing at the Daytona. It worked. He'll be resting up for his next big rain dance at the Ky Derby.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS does the Dysentery Dance on Becky's dictionary.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

...and Joshie juggles her jewels, jostles her jam, jumps for Jim, juxtaposes her junkmail, justifies her junebugs, jives to her jukebox, jokes with her jolly roger, juices her juice, jockeys with her jockey, jaunts with her Java, jeers at jello, jaunts with her jelly, and jabbers with the janitor. . . oh and jumps for joy. :sing:


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

My BFF puts jello and juice in her java and then she wonders why I don't drink coffee..... her coffee.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Sorry, but I'm not singing "I'm A Little Teapot" anymore for you. If you're thirsty enough you'll drink the coffee.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

soulsurvivor will however, dance around in circles singing "London Bridge Is Falling Down" - naked!


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Michael W. Smith knows I do free performances at the crop circles every year. He always runs the ticket box and charges top dollar, uh pound, well what are they going to use for money this year in the EU? Doesn't matter as I never see a thin sliver of a silver dime from it for myself. I donate my performance to the positive love of universe.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

SS, the positive love of the universe called and wants you to leave your clothes on this year.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

bessachow collects bellybutton lint from total strangers.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

...and Double D spins it into yarn for the neatest sweaters.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

I'm wearing becca's belly button lent?


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Fowler is wearing Becky's belly button lint for lent.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie said:


> Fowler is wearing Becky's belly button lint for lent.


ound: I want that framed and sent to me immediately!


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Soulsurvivor is soooo dumb that she recently advised a local high school football star to go to trade school and learn the electricity trade.

You see, soulsurvivor really thinks that the NFL teams recruit their linemen from local utilities.

She honestly thought that a line backer was someone who carried power line from the truck to the job site.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

clovis said:


> Soulsurvivor is soooo dumb that she recently advised a local high school football star to go to trade school and learn the electricity trade.
> 
> You see, soulsurvivor really thinks that the NFL teams recruit their linemen from local utilities.
> 
> She honestly thought that a line backer was someone who carried power line from the truck to the job site.


I cherish the sight of a robust line backer carrying a power line pole. I love my electricity. 

Old clovis would be lost without his connection to the sparks. He's always watching Ms Patrick and betting on her race to be the first woman to win a NASCAR race. Last I checked she's only 64 laps down. . . at least she didn't let go of the wheel in the wreck tonight.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

soulsurvivor said:


> Old clovis would be lost without his connection to the sparks. He's always watching Ms Patrick and betting on her race to be the first woman to win a NASCAR race. Last I checked she's only 64 laps down. . . at least she didn't let go of the wheel in the wreck tonight.


Well, you probably heard me yelling at the last Indy 500...that is if you weren't too likkered up:

Go Danica!!!!! And take the rest of the Andretti's with you!!!!"

BTW, the last time I saw Soulsurvivor, she was laying face down, passed out, smack dab in the middle of the Snake Pit.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

What drives a NASCAR, hits a track dryer truck carrying 200 gallons of jet fuel, sets the Daytona race track on fire, and claims he did it his way? Ya, a Montoya!

And they were worried about a little bit of rain coming in again. ound: This has the most hysterical, um, historical firsts of any race.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

soulsurvivor takes great delight in the sadness of others. For example:

ss will gladly give candy to children - only to turn around and take it away and scream at them "Don't you know THIS causes cavities?"

ss has also been know to give a Monach Butterfly caterpillar to a child, let them play with it for a while and then say "Here, let me see it." ss will then fling the caterpillar against the sidewalk and laugh hysterically as the child starts screaming caterpillar explodes into a pile of green goop.

ss has also been known to go into funeral homes for viewings (even though ss doesn't know the deceased or the family) and step up to the casket and say to the family "I'm glad they are dead! Did you know that _________ (name of the deceased) had an affair with _____________ (a made up name)? They should have died a long time ago." 

ss has also been known to go into nursing homes and torment the residents by telling them "The nurses are feeding you poison and want you dead."


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

MWS is on his way to the "nervous" hospital.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Why? What do you mean by THAT? Just what exactly are you trying to say because I don't think I like the tone of your voice. The tone of your voice isn't like the tone of the other voices I hear . . . . . . shhhhhh . . . . . listen to them.

2doordad has bodies buried in the crawl space under his house.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Double D is buried under MWS's back porch.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie, MWS is what they've been issuing warnings about. The sun is throwing all these solar flares at the earth and it's making MWS temporarily misfire in his brain cavity. All that empty space is ripe for holding extra heat and frying what little brain matter he has left. His pressure headaches are gi 'normous.

I had me a case of canned ginger ale on top of the fridge. It was a little bit out of date but not that much. Big loud explosion and those cans blew everywhere and I thought to myself "I hope MWS is ok" because that was one of them solar flares hitting the area and I bet his head just 'sploded. :smack


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

If anyone has some extra time it would be a kind gesture to send a get well card to Soul. Poor thing is in a wheelchair after throwing out her hip as she practiced the Angelina pose. Soul, give it up! Your are too far past your prime to try and follow those young stars.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

PC is an upcoming hip hop artist.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Back in the early 80's Joshie was known as Jam master joshie J.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Give it up 2dd. We all know you're waiting for everyone to go nite nite so you can raid the fridge. Besides, I already ate all the cold cornbread.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

soulsurvivor has a horrible case of hemorrhoids. Unfortunately, when ss went to grab the Preperation H, ss grabbed the Absorbine Jr. cream.

All of ss's neighbor's have called 911 and trying to figure out who was murdered.

Poor soulsurvivor is sitting in the bathtub in cold water, crying and wondering when the pain is going to stop.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Honest to goodness you all, you don't need to be letting MWS use your potty room. He likes to look in all the drawers and medicine cabinet and doesn't put everything back in its' place. Ask. me. how. I. know....


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Well, sometimes a person has to get even. The one (and only) time that soulsurvivor offered for me to come visit and taste her soup, I thought it would be a good idea to meet a fellow Homesteadertodayer.

I should have known something was up, when soulsurvior didn't eat any of her own soup mumbling something about not being hungry. And from the smirk on her face with each spoonful I ate, should have told me something too.

Anyway, shortly after eating, my stomach started rumbling and I asked to use the bathroom. It was then that soulsurvivor started laughing and said "I wondered how long it would take before you asked to use the bathroom. I thought you could use a good cleanse - I cleanse myself every single day. And if the constipation products don't work, or the prunes, there is always the back up plan of the enema." She laughed hysterically as I started walking quickly to the bathroom saying "You will thank me later."

While in the bathroom, I started to wonder just what I got myself into. I hadn't told anyone where I was, and I was just waiting for ss to break down the door and murder me. (I suspect ss is a serial killer and keeps moving just before the police are getting close.)

Anyway, not happy that ss decided to "cleanse" my system, I decided I should move her medicines and ailment cures around. After opening several drawers, it became widely apparent that not only was ss a serial killer, but severely psychotic as well - and a bit "disturbed" as well.

I can't even mention the things I saw in ss's drawers. Anything you think may have been there - multiply your answer by 10! When I came upon the jar of animal fetus's marked "Future cloning projects or future lunches.", I went out the window and never returned.

You think a night's stay in the Bates Motel would be bad - well a visit to soulsurvivor's house is a certain death sentence. I should have known something wasn't right when I first arrived and asked ss what all the mounds in the back yard were. Her mumblings of giant moles should have tipped me off. Not only that, but from looking in ss's bathroom cabinet drawers, it's not hard to see that we are dealing with a truly deranged person.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

MWS is still in SS's bathroom.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

2doordad actually drives a 4 door sedan.

So there you go...I just blew his internet cover.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

clovis has a wooden leg and thinks he is a pirate.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

2dd loves challenging clovis to a game of hopscotch.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

soulsurvivor enjoys eating raw fish - many times you will see her in the local creek - spearing fish and eating them right there. And she really enjoys eating them still alive - she likes the way the live fish moves in her mouth.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

MWS owns a steamroller........but no cats, I will say no more.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

2doordad came up with his name due to the fact that he has to travel for the company he works for. His company's main office is in Texas, so every other week he is either in Mississippi or Texas.

Oddly enough, his wife and 2 children in Mississippi don't know about the other wife and 5 children in Texas.

Hence - 2doordad.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS writes romanc novels.


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## InvalidID (Feb 18, 2011)

Joshie can't wait for the next novel from MWS.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Invalid is the cover model for MWS's romance novels.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Joshie teaches the elderly to draw stick figures. Angry stick figures.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

2doordad then gives the elderly sticks - so they can whack anyone that comes near them.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

MWS killed Davy Jones.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

You can't prove that!!

2doordad loves animals. He has 2 miniature horses, 2 potbellied pigs, 5 geese, 20 chickens, and 3 goats. And they all live IN THE HOUSE with 2doordad.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

2doordad is looking to add a door. He's tired of that big gaping hole between his ears.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

ok, MWS is so smart and knows everything so we'll add that 2doordad also needs a pet door.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

soulsurvivor doesn't know that when you hit "enter" for a post and either need to change something or add something, all you have to do is hit "edit" to get in to fix her post. :nana:


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS "entered" bank vaults all over the Eastern Seaboard wearing a black mask and holding a large bag.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Joshie entered her town's hotdog eating contest and won. She ate 32 hotdogs in 20 minutes. You should have seen her . . . . . . . . . . . it was so gross.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

...said Michael "Weiner" Smith as he lost to Joshie by one dog.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Good one beccachow!!!!

beccachow witnessed this as it wasn't her allotted time yet for the ladies mud wrestling that followed the hotdog eating contest. From what I saw of her event, she ate alot of mud that day.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

M Hot Dog Smith spends a lot of time watching women's mud wrestling.... too much time.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Joshie threatens the integrity of this thread. Her lies are so baseless that people will not think of us as intelligent liars. We lie with compassion, love and sincerity. Joshie is trying to cheapen us all!


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

PC is available for sale online for 1Â¢. No takers yet.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie is giving a dessert pizza to the first one that makes an offer for PC.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS is just jealous because I didn't share my dessert pizza. 

SS and her hubby are really into Cabbage Patch dolls.

http://www.aol.com/video/couple-spe...ing-grid7|netscape|dl14|sec3_lnk3&pLid=140104


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

whoa, old ZZ would never go for that, and oh my goodness, neither would I. Where's Barbie and Ken?


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

I've heard soulsurvivor scrubs her floor in the nude. 

That's not a good look for anyone in that position, but soulsurvivor has a problem with extra hair. You've seen the men with hair all over their back? - Well . . . . . . . . . . . . it doesn't look ANY better on soulsurvivor either.

Also, soulsurvivor hasn't grown out of her childhood, she has a collection of Barbie and Ken dolls and surrounds herself with them when she goes to bed. And then it starts . . . . . . . a long drawn out Walton episode, where she has each Ken and Barbie say "Goodnight Ken, goodnight soulsurvivor, goodnight Barbie, goodnight Ken, goodnight Barbie, goodnight Ken . . . . .


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I'm kinda glad MWS has a limited imagination. Otherwise, we'd be here all night listening to that good night John Boy litany.

Good night MWS. :boring:

Sleep tight and don't let the bedbugs bite.

Kiss him once. Kiss him twice. Kiss him til he screams and fights and doesn't care if you turn out the lights. :kiss:


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Yeah, yeah. Get all your Barbies and Kens all snuggled up around you. And then you can start off the "Goodnight . . . . ." as you drift off to sleep.

Did I mention that soulsurvivor kisses all of her dolls one by one as she tucks them in bed with her? Not just the quick peck on the cheek, but long drawn out kisses while trying to give them the tongue.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS genetically modified butterflies to make bed bugs.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Oh wow, I just logged on so forget anything that Joshie says. MWS shows indictations of voyeurism! He only knows of Soul's doll thingy by peeping in her windows. I'm closing my blinds as I type this.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

pattycakes blinds are wide open.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

DoubleD's fly is wide open.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Joshie's barn door is open and the horses are out again.


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## Heritagefarm (Feb 21, 2010)

Michael painted all of Joshie's horses green with a spray gun during the night. Joshie thought she heard some commotion, so she just got the potion and back to sleep she went. When she got up, she had to take the sandblaster to her poor horses! Poor things, I can't tell if they're going to keel from paint poisoning or Particulate Matter intake first. 
Oh, and I'm drawing the blinds so Michael can't see my collection of antique urinals. Shhhh! Don't tell anyone!


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Heritagefarm is confusing "antique urinals" with bedpans. Heritagefarm has been sneaking into the local nursing home and stealing all of the resident's bedpans.

The nursing home is pretty peeved. They can't figure out where all of their bedpans are going, and they having to clean up all kinds of messes the residents make.

From my understanding, Heritagefarm has all these bedpans glued to the living room walls and invites any guests in to see the "antique urinal collection".


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS makes earrings out of metal bedpans. His earlobes now sag down to his knees.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Joshie is after me lucky charms.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Double D wears a lampshade on his head at work. He doesn't understand why people point at him and laugh.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

I've heard 2doordad collects lucky charms and has tons of it. 
Lucky Charms the cereal.

2doordad can't figure out why he doesn't have any better luck after all these years of collecting his lucky charms. The luck has changed for the rats and mice though - they are thriving on all that food.


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## Heritagefarm (Feb 21, 2010)

Michael just painted all of my goats orange. I'm filing a lawsuit on account of color abuse.
Judge: "Bring your case forward, please."
Lawyer: "Sir, my client is being needlessly sued -"
Judge: "Why?"
Lawyer 2: "Because he discolored my client's goats, your honor."
Judge: "Lock 'em both up."


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

HF paints his fingernails orange.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Well Joshie, at least he HAS fingernails. He doesn't bite them down to little nubbins like you do.

Rumor has it Joshie was traumatized as a child. Something about she stared at the sun for over an hour after watching an episode of Little House on the Prarie. Ever since then, she constantly bites her fingernails.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Michael W. Smith said:


> Something about she stared at the sun for over an hour after watching an episode of Little House on the Prarie.


I read and reread all of Laura Ingalls Wilder's books as a child. For some reason I like Lauras. :bouncy:

MWS eats fingernail clipping stew.


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## Heritagefarm (Feb 21, 2010)

Joshie said:


> MWS eats fingernail clipping stew. [/FONT]


Baseless lies off:
I know someone IRL who actually goes to the butchers and gets old bones for stew. :shocked: :shocked:
BL on:
Joshie controls a famous line of "instant homemade soup" that she actually puts Michael's fingernails into. (He has a disorder where he goes fingernails a mile a day)


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Heritagefarm once fathered a love child with a bigfoot.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

and 2doordad calls him daddy.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

soulsurvivor is jealous of big feet because she has deformed, very small, midget feet. Which is completely opposite of her big, huge body.

Do you know how ridiculous it looks with soulsurvivor wearing baby shoes?


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS wears giant shoes on his ginormous ears.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

A word of warning when going to Joshie's town. It's best to wear latex gloves when going into stores. Joshie has this disgusting habit of licking the door knobs and handles as she enters and leaves a place.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Since we don't have any stores in our tiny nearby town so you know MWS is lying. 

MWS breeds ticks and releases them into the wild.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Joshie has a nervous tic. Truckers think she is winking at them.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

beccachow has a criminal record of winking at people, she can often be found cornering folks in dark corners winking and winking and winking. that's where joshie got it from, after a cross country trip she was FREAKED out. Winking and winking and winking and WINKING!


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Double D has skin like a Shar Pei's.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

In addition to Joshie's licking door knobs problem, she has other disturbing behaviors too. The worst one is her phobia of sinks - she refuses to use public sinks because everybody has touched the handles. So how does she wash her hands you ask?

Well . . . . . . . . she flushes the toilet and puts her hands in that "clean" water as it refills the toilet bowl.

Very strange woman - won't touch the sink, but then on her way in and out of the bathroom, she licks all the door knobs and handles.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I miss Joshie already! She wrapped and mailed herself to China this morning. Phooey on using air miles. Travel by FedEx!


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## Heritagefarm (Feb 21, 2010)

SS recently took Google map's advice and kyaked across the Super Duper Great Specific Ocean. She also flunked geography.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

I cannot let Michael "Window-Peeper" Smith's comments about Joshie licking door handles go unchallenged. For you see, he knows this because he peeps in the windows at women's restrooms.

HF is frustrated because he can't spell Google, he keeps spelling goggle and cannot understand what all the hype is about when his search turns up pages of swim gear. He did, however, buy a pretty flowered swim cap online but had to return it since it didn't cover his bulbous head.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Sadly I have learned that beccachow peeps on peeping Toms. (I THOUGHT I kept hearing someone behind me.)

But she is now totally confused after reading this because she is asking herself "Peeping Tom? I thought his name is Michael?!?, how is his name Tom?"

She will now mull over this for the rest of the day and won't be adding more to this thread until she figures it out.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

MWS has a mullet, well had. Now it is a skullet.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Double D wears diapers.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Joshie jumps jabbering jealous jackals joltingly in jeweled Jordache jeans.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS makes ticks so nervous they've developed tics.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Joshie still wears under-roos.


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## NickieL (Jun 15, 2007)

2doordad really has 7 doors.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

NickieL is really Penny but always wanted to be a dime.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie only uses pennies. The Girl Scouts hate her.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

soulsurvivor refuses to use any change - pennies, nickles, dimes, quarters . . . . She only deals with paper money. 
The stores tend to like her as the employees always get to fight over who will be keeping soulsurvivor's change.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

MWS's pants smell like parmesan cheese.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Finally got a good video of MWS riding his Big Wheel without shoes. 2door is driving the van.

[YOUTUBE]BNZCZsHJIR8[/YOUTUBE]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNZCZsHJIR8[/ame]


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

I feel bad for soulsurvivor. She hasn't been sleeping very well. I hate to tell you, but she has OCD and she is obsessed that while she is sleeping, something electrical will catch on fire.

Before ss goes to bed each night, she goes around and unscrews every single light bulb in the house (even if it's not on) and unplugs every single electrical device (even if it's not on). She then trys to fall asleep, but worries if she actually unscrewed every lightbulb and unplugged everything. She lays there worrying until she finally get up, grabs her flashlight and checks everything.

After making sure everything is okay, she comes back and lays down again. She still worries she might have missed something, but eventually falls asleep for about 20 minutes only to wake up in a panic knowing she has forgotten to unscrew a lightbulb or unplug something and knows for sure it will result in her burning to death.

So she gets up again . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and on it goes all night long.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS has more than one screw loose.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

(((((((((joshie, LOL)))))))))

Joshie's house is built out of feathers, bobby pins and Elmer's Glue.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

When you shine a flashlight in one of BCCC's ears light shines out the other one.


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## NickieL (Jun 15, 2007)

Joshie actually had a twin sister, who she ate while still in the womb.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

NickieL's chickens call her the Terminator. In chicken talk that sounds like ucked cluck.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

SS was on the Titanic.She was in the restroom when it hit the iceburg. She thought it was the ham.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Double D has so much back fat that he wears a bra on backwards.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Joshie has weevils in her flour. She likes it that way - extra protein.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

MWS has a shrine to Pokey the horse in a tiny closet in his house.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Double D plays Pokemon all day long.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Joshie signs all her Christmas cards sister suzie sitting on a thisle.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

2doordad is a few screws short of being completely unhinged.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

soulsurvivor is screwey.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

MWS is a hoarder of screws.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

SS raises ferrets.......for their meat.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

You know those hoards of ladybugs that infest your house in the Fall, and then on warm days throughout the Winter and Spring they come out and are all over your windows? Well 2doordad, likes them.

And when I say "like", I mean he eats them! Whoa is be to any ladybug that 2doordad spies because he snatches them up and puts them in his mouth. (He usually plays with them a little bit first, so they release their scent, as he thinks those ones are a delicacy.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Michael "Warthog" Smith has warts all over his face. And warts on his warts. And a single longhair growing out of each one.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

beccachow has a drinking problem. 

She drinks water constantly. It's gotten to be so much of a problem, that her husband has to shut the water off by noon, and even then has to watch beccachow like a hawk because of the water she has hidden around the house. 

beccachow has already suffered from water intoxication several times and started a support group - WWW - Washed up Water Warriors - but sadly, she refuses to go, because she "Doesn't have a problem."


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS tells the truth.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Joshie has Munchausen Symdrome - the disorder where people exaggerate, invent, or cause disease symptoms.

Her latest "disorder" she went to the doctor for was for her stomach "pains" she had. The doctor wasn't happy when he ordered Xrays only to discover that Joshie had been eating lots of small pieces of gravel.

Of course, Joshie wasn't too happy afterwards either, because you know "What goes in, must come out."


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS has rocks for brains. Hmmmm, I wonder where those came from!


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie has the ability to eat gravel and produce grout. She's saved a fortune in tile work for her bathroom.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

SS kicks puppies, kittens, and baby ducklings.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

beccachow has real birdie feet dangling from her rearview mirror.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

soulsurvivor is double jointed and can bend herself in half.

She performs for the circus anytime they are in the area.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

MWS has a pet monkey that can change his adult diapers. Not because MWS needs the help, just because he likes the help.
The beetles are Jap. beetles and they stay crunchy in milk.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Double D loves drag races with farm equipment.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Joshie is mad because her rotating blade man powered push mower can't keep up.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

beccachow has been disoriented since early Sunday morning. She thought Daylight Savings Time meant she was getting more hours in the day. She is still trying to figure out how staying with a 24 hour day to a 24 hour day saves any daylight.

She is now getting paranoid thinking that someone has stolen her extra time.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

beccachow blows the competition away with her outhouse on wheels. That special power source is the secret to her winning ways. You can find MWS passed out in her presence. He keeps trying to find where that odd smell is coming from. Never learns.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

soulsurvivor has big plans for this St. Patrick's day weekend. She has all kinds of beer bought (even some green stuff) and come Friday night - Sunday evening will be sucking the beer down. By Friday evening, she won't know which way is up.

Ummmm . . . . . wait a minute. I'm mistaken, this weekend is just like any other of her weekends - minus the green beer. 

On the plus side, she will be thinking of us all - making a toast to "Heres ta biccachew, 2deerdead, Jeshie, Nickles, and that Smit dude. Buttons up!"


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

MWS changes his name for the month of March to MW O'Smith. He only eats canned corn straight from the can.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Lies off: I truly am having a hard time with daylight savings time time this year for some reason. The old mental clock is still running behind and I cannot get anywhere on time!!

Lies on: Double D will be seeing 8 doors on St Patty's day. While not Irish, he will be drinking 10 beers for each of his two doors...err...4 durs...errr six dours...ummm 80 one hundred dorrs...


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Becky stinks so bad that when she jumps into the Chicago River every St. Patrick's Day it turns green.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Joshie is mean and enjoys pulling the legs of Daddy Long Legs and pulling off the wings and legs of flies.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS is a daddy with long legs and butterfly wings.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

It's going to be another long night for Joshie. In addition to the Daddy Long Legs and flies - and the "mean" streak, she is now preoccupied with the constant chorus of Spring Peepers.

She can't stand the little hoppy fellows, so for the next month or so, she will go from pond to pond with flashlight in hand and stab any peeper she gets close enough to.

So, words to the wise - if you see someone with a flashlight down by your pond in the near future, do NOT attempt to get near. She is armed with a pointy stick and is considered dangerous as well as unbalanced.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

MWS has rabbit ears.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

It's Double D's fault the site will be down.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Ummmmm . . . . . . . . . NO . . . . . . it was Joshie's fault the site WAS down. (You notice she is the one who posted last here before the site crashed.) Thanks alot Joshie - alot of people were having Homesteadingtoday withdrawal. (It's a good thing the tech department noticed Joshie's crash so soon after she caused it.)


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Somebody owes me $5000. After all, the site is back up!

MWS crashed his car into HT's servers.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Joshie learned to speak Inner-Mongolian while the site was down.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

2doordad would have been a billionaire had he accepted Mark Zuckerberg's job offer which would have put him on the ground floor of a little thing called Facebook.

2door decided Facebook was a dumb idea, and instead, took a job on a processing line at an emu slaughterhouse. 

"This emu meat thing is going to be *big*" he said.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

clovis' nickname is Big Emu Head.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

We've heard clovis rave about potted meat on saltines being so so so goood. Ya right. We all know you crave that exotic stuff.

ok Joshie, just where in the world do you keep hiding? You'd scare coyotes out of the woods.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

soulsurvivor has murdered Joshie and cut her up into little pieces. Joshie is now lined up in neat rows in canning jars in SS's pantry.

If ss invites you for dinner, politely decline the offer.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

MWS has to keep a low profile since war has been declared on the pink slime that's showing up in the meat supply. I guess that overactive brain of his has to slime out somewhere. Try to ignore him when he tells you to think pink.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS stole that $5000 somebody on HT's fb page said they sent me. I WANT MY MONEY! :hammer:


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Joshie lives in a tent made from used klenex.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Double sticks Kleenex in his ears and nostrils. Little kids point at him and laugh.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie sticks Kleenex wads in her nostrils and ears. Little kids use her as a spit wad launcher.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

You don't want to know where SS stuffs Kleenex. I'll give you a hint, she is actually where the inspiration for Double D's hip nick name came from.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Becca thought this St Patty's Day Celebration was in honor of me!!!


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

It doesn't take much outside of a mirror to entertain pattycake.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Mirrors break when SS passes by.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie has attached a small mirror on each of her big toes. She claims it's to help her see where she's going.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

While I was saying "Go Wildcats" Soul assumed I was referring to her and ended up getting arrested.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

The cops took pattycake away in the paddy wagon.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

And if Joshie's ultimate dream could come true they would be taking Joshie away in a Potty Wagon. That potty topic is her fav.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

pattycake is trying to get put under house arrest with Charlie Sheen:

[YOUTUBE]jjYxE2VD7VE[/YOUTUBE]
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjYxE2VD7VE]FIAT 500 Abarth Commercial - Charlie Sheen "House Arrest" - YouTube[/ame]


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

SS let the dogs out.........Whoot, whoot, whoot, whoot.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Nobody likes to stand near him because Double D goes Toot Toot Toot!


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

All I have to say to SS is "Winning" and just look at Joshie's last post. What did I just tell you? Joshie has a fixtation on bodily functions like any fifth grade boy. I'm thinking that Joshie is a fifth grade boy!!


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Pattycake just made me a cake.........as fast as she could.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Double D is fast.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Only Joshie can prevent forest fires.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

2door saves chewed bubble gum. His motto is double your pleasure and double your fun and don't spend money for new gum.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

SS was recently arrested for looting in tornado ravaged areas.

Yes, she is the reason that the National Guard is called out whenever there is storm damage.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

...and clovis is a bounty hunter... that be a guy with a great coupon to use for paper towels kind of hunter.... wooooo, quaking in our boots at the thought of him buying up the last of the toweling and tpppppp..... got dribbles? call clovis the wiper-upper.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS is balding with long bleached hair. She wears her shirt open to her waist, cowboy boots, and gold chains. Yes, it's true. SS is really Dog the Bounty Hunter.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Joshie carries Mr. potato head everywhere with her. Its creepy when she talks to him in line at the grocery store. I'm just sayin.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

clovis has a tatoo that says "Born to Spill".


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Double D rides a see saw to work.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Joshie isn't a doctor, but she plays one on T.V.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Double D was kicked out of school in the third grade.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

I was kicked out for pointing out the giant horn on Joshie's head. They use to call her the Rhino-cu-cu-ca-choo.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

2doordad has his front door open all the time. He claims it saves on the air conditioning bill.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

My BFF thinks she's a unicorn when, in reality, that's just a ginormous pimple sticking out of her forehead.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie likes to visit 2doordad and cool off in his breezeway.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS likes things a bit too breezy for my taste. She goes commando in Double D's breezeway.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

My, you have all been busy. I need some Bounty to wipe the coffee off my screen. Now, onto something serious.

Joshie didn't want me to tell you, but hey, that hasn't stopped me before.

Jurassic Park was loosely based on her experiences on the farm, when her genetically altered cows went haywire, trampling small children, pillaging towns, and eating scientists. She has no regrets and still says T-Rex milk is tastiest when fresh.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I understand beccachow believes you are what you eat. Her fridge is full of chilled reptiles.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS milks her kitty.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

You mean this party is STILL going on?!?

Joshie is bankrupt after her failed inventions didn't sell like pattycake hotcakes. Joshie was quite certain that due to milk prices going up everyone would buy her inventions. 

She made cat, dog, hamster, ferret, and horse milking machines. She just KNEW it would be the wave of the future. That "wave" never came, and Joshie's lifelong earnings are now sitting in her garage - still waiting for the day when cat, dog, hamster, ferret, and horse milking machines are needed. Joshie still holds out hope for that day to come.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

MWS bought one of each of the milking machines, but he doesn't have any of thoses animals........huuum.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

2doordad was outside today trying to build his shed that he bought as a kit. He drove back to Lowes, mad as all get out because alot of the nails were wrong. He kept pulling nails out of the box and the nail head was on the "wrong" end of the nail, so he had to keep going from one side to another side of the shed to use those nails.

The people at Lowes are still laughing at him.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

The people were laughing because i was giving you a piggy-back ride and you wouldn't stop screaming the British are coming, the British are coming. That or because you had your underware on your head. My back still hurts.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

2doordad never worries about hurting his brain.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

My BFF and I wanna know why Double was giving MWS a piggy back ride. 

My BFF is British.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

...and I want to know who this British BFF is?


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS was recently rushed to the hospital after she didn't recognize herself in the mirror. Can't say as I blame her though. Not sure I'd wanna admit to that mug.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie invented the mirror. Guess why.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

SS cracks corn......but oddly enough I care. I really do care. Keep on crackn' girl.

I was given him a piggy-back ride because he had the gout.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Double D is a crack pot.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Joshie uses cracked pots to cook in because she is too cheap to buy new ones.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

beccachow has a recliner in her car.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

2doordad has a car in his recliner. (A Matchbox car - that is.)


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS rides his Big Wheel to work every day.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Lies off. MWS never had a Big Wheel. His younger sister did though.
Lies on. Joshie has many friends. Problem is, they are all her imaginary friends.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

MWS is a big wheel. He rides a unicycle.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

soulsurvivor rollerblades in the nude. No one has turned her in yet, as they just stand there with their mouth agape as they watch her buzz by - with all her . . . . . ahem . . . . . "appendages" flapping and jiggling.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Better SS rollerblading neeked than MWS. All that flapping in the wind and all......


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

And Joshie knows all about flopping. When she is bored, she will go into the local businesses and pretend she is shopping and then falls down and starts flopping around like she is having a seizure. She enjoys people calling 911 and running around trying to figure out how to help her. Joshie will then jump up and yell "Ha, ha, you're on Candid Camera!" and then runs out of the business and does the same antics at another business. Joshie likes the attention.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

No lie: I have seizures although they're not grand mal so no jerking movements.

MWS is a girl.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie has been forced to register her tongue as a conceal and carry weapon of defense.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

soulsurvivor's favorite food is beef tongue. She has it at least once a week.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

MWS has invented an invisible shoe product. It's a can of spray for the bottom of your feet. The brown substance dries to a nice hard finish and allows you to barefoot through broken glass without injury. It's easily removed with peroxide.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS makes shoes out of doggie poo poo.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie gets lost in elevators.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS wears elevator shoes. They're pretty amazing things. They go up and down and up and down, sometimes even at the same time.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie is a merry-go-round operator. She's not allowed near the adult rides.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

We had to fish SS out of the cotton candy machine at the fair last year. She finally ate her way free. Very embarrassing; children crying, "Mommy, why is that mean lady eating all of our cotton candy?" The vendor yelling, "You gotta PAY for that..." A winking, sly dentist who slipped me his card and said, "Have her call me when her teeth fall out." I refuse to go to the fair with her again.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Yes I remember last year's fair beccachow - and while ss was eating her way out of the cotton candy machine, you had to go over to the "Ring Toss for Knives game" where you tried throwing the rings around the knives to win that kind of knife.

I can still see you when you finally won one, that big 8" knife. You were so excited. You were going to continue to play the game with your remaining rings, but in your excitement you threw your new knife. 

It was like in slow motion as it sailed through the air, and into the back of the knife guy. He stiffened up and then just fell over dead. You ran out of the fairgrounds so fast - and the cops never did find you.

Luckily I moved over to watch ss make her way out of the cotton candy machine.

I'm NOT going to the fair with either of you two. So embarassing!


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS is bald because his hair was made of cotton candy and Becky ate it all. She tried to blame it all on my poor BFF. :nono:


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Joshie loves bald headed men. She'll go around stoking bald heads all day - saying "Mama likes!"

The problem is - she does it to all bald men - even if she doesn't know them. She has gotten into several fights when their wives were with them. Some have turned into knockdown drag out fights.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS is awfully confused and has a rather inflated view of himself. I love cotton candy and was, I have to admit, a little jealous when Becky ate MWS's cotton candy hair. MWS thinks all women think he and his bald head are hot.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Seville called. They want their Barber back.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie is working feverishly on her April Fools cake. She puts yummy buttercream icing on a cardboard shirt box and decorates it with pretty flowers. She learned how to do this from pattycake. We all know that pattycake used to be the cake maker but she was ordered to stop when people's teeth kept falling out after eating her cute cakes.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Soulsurvivor has caused many a good girl to go bad. After this last baseless lie I will no longer be posting here. You can find me down on GC and Singletree. My new user name will be Cheesecake.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

pattycake's leaving cause she's afraid I'm gonna ask her to hug my toe.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

If any of you will be watching the playoff of Kansas and U of Kentucky then please don't yell "Go Wildcats" as it does something strange to Soul and she always ends up in trouble.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

pattycake likes to strap danishes to the side of her head and pretend she is Princess Leia from Star wars.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Double D is Luke's father.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Joshie thinks that a meterologist is another name for a butcher.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

2doordad thinks flatulence is a bad storm coming.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

soulsurvivor has a very embarassing problem - walking farts. Anytime she walks you hear "Fffft, fffft, fffft." It sounds really REALLY funny when she runs!


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS has a band called The Toots. :flameproofundies: He doesn't understand why nobody attends his concerts. Hmmmmm


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Joshie really loves MWS's band, she even had their first CD called Skid Marks. She thinks it's "the bomb"
Flatulence is the act of lying flat.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

2doordad likes to sneak into the ladies room at the mall and get in a stall. He then has mirrors so he can "sneak a peek" at either lady on either side of him. We've tried to get him help, but he keeps saying "I don't have a problem."


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

MWS taught me the trick. He also sleeps at night with a glow worm.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

2doordad surrounds himeself with Cabbage Patch Dolls before he goes to sleep.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I'm easily amused at this time of the morning.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

SS eats only the heads off of chocolate easter bunnies.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

2doordad only eats the "behinds" off chocolate Easter bunnies - which soulsurvivor supplies.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

MWS and 2doordad always write a letter to the Easter Bunny asking for the candy they want in their baskets.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Hippity hoppity, SS is the Easter Bunny.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Joshie has plans to murder the Easter Bunny this year. She has her hiding place all ready behind the couch and when she hears the rustle of fake grass in the Easter baskets, the gun will come out and Soursurvivor will be dead.

We are going to have to get somebody else posting here with SS gone.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

The movie character, Chucky, was based upon MWS.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Joshie has an obsession with Chucky and has a Chucky doll and talks to him everyday. She even does more than talks to him - she moves him around from room to room and then tells people about her Chucky doll that moves around on "his" own. Joshie tells people all the time if she ever has an "accident" that Chucky killed her.

The authorities have been notified, but won't do anything because they say as long as Joshie hasn't hurt herself, they can't.

Of course, there was the incident when Joshie's niece stayed overnight and got "attacked" by Chucky. Joshie still says that Chucky did it. The niece says Chucky was attacking her but Joshie was beside the bed holding Chucky as he "attacked" the niece.

Joshie's family hasn't had much to do with her since then.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

It wasn't very nice of you, Chucky-MWS, to attack me. Chucky-MWS lives on a diet of chicken kidneys and gum balls.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Joshie is getting all prepared for a wonderful stress free day tomorrow. Joshie thinks Good Friday means she will have a good Friday.

Of course, Joshie is also finalizing plans on the murder of Soulsurvivor early Sunday morning.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

You have to understand that MWS spends a lot of spare time putting cats in trees so they can be rescued.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

SS eats playdough.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Lies Off: I LOVE the smell of Play Dough!!!!! Never ate it, but love the smell.

Lies On: Double D has decided to surprise his wife one easter morning. He wrapped himself in cellophane and stuffed himself into a basket, naked. Unfortunately, he forgot about the Easter Party his wife had planned, and when his neighbors and friends showed up and came into the living room...oh dear. I believe they are still undergoing psychiatric treatment.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

It was a bit shocking to see Bare Rabbit. 

beccachow is dressing as an easter egg so she can roll on the white house lawn.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS loves Easter chocolate. She found some cheap Cadbury mini eggs the other day and doesn't know why they taste so odd.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Now I understand why you keep telling people you're raising rabbits for the eggs. 

Joshie has a terrible problem with chickens. She thinks they're supposed to fly like all the other birdies. 

Don't ask her why she has cows.











She's fully expecting a cowboy any day now.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

I was almost ill when I read what Soul had for supper this evening. She skinned and roasted one large rabbit. It took awhile to sink in but it then I understood why my little grandaughter was crying about the Easter Bunny not coming.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Pattycake dressed up as Little Bunny Foo Foo today. Yep, she's beating up them field mice as we speak.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

SS is up soo late because she has been eating PEEPS for three days straight. She is all jumpy and keeps twitching. Put down the PEEPS and come back down.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

2doordad used to be known as Mr. Peepers until he figured out how to keep his doors closed.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Okay, I'm a bit distrubed with all this. 

First of all, the peeps that Soulsurvivor has been eating are the chicks her husband picked up at Tractor Supply. The poor husband can't figure out why the brooding chicks come up missing - he knows nothing can get in to them (well, other than SS, but he hasn't suspected her yet.) 

That's just plain gross!


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

MWS has such a weak stomach that he cries in his oatmeal every morning because it looks runny which becomes even more runny with all those big tears plopping down and then he gets whinny because he's hungry and has to eat runny oatmeal or do without but he can't go without breakfast so he wipes his tears and blows his nose and like a good little soldier he eats his runny oatmeal but not without making a loud fuss about it.

If it wasn't for Peat and Repeat he'd have no life at all.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Soul sure knows each and every move that MWS makes in the morning. Makes me wonder. Just saying......


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Pattycake has a few ugly moves herself.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Joshie is once again coming to the defense of her BFF. Joshie has no proof of my moves and Soul gave a play by play. Once again, just saying......


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

That's ok pattycake. I'm a remote viewer. I also know that you're responsible for BK putting those bacon icecream sundies on their menu. They didn't want anymore hysterics from you screaming your head off when you didn't get your BAC-Os on your chocolate sundie.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Lies off-I love bacon.
Back on-SS has a dress made from bacon. She has been attacked by nine dogs, one bear, and a monkey at the zoo. When she wares it outside she sizzzles.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

2doordad was just trying to be nice. He actually was saying that Soul's dress size is waaay up due to her love of bacon.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Careful there pattycake or I'll give you my kissy parrot:

[YOUTUBE]t1wAjcWHkDY[/YOUTUBE]


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Soul's kissy parrot is not showing up for me on my dial-up. This is just another one of her devious ways to keep us from asking about her bacon and eggs breakfast, her bacon cheeseburger with fries she had for lunch and her filet wrapped in bacon that she had for supper. Nice try Soul!


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

ewww, what cha doing? ewwww, give me a kiss, smack, tic, tic, tic, ewwww, what cha doing? give me a kiss, smack, tic, tic, tic, ewwww, what cha doing?, give me a kiss, smack, hi cutie, what cha doing?, ewwww, give me a kiss, smack, what cha doing?, hi cutie, ewwww, give me a kiss, smack...


All that and wrapped up in neon green feathers to perch right on your shoulder and give you kissies 24/7. 

I think you need some positive attention pattycake. It's pretty dull with no youtube to view.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

It's true that I have no youtube but I don't need it with your baseless lies! What size are you wearing these days?


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Why? You buying? If so get me a Size Large Croc sandal in any color. I'm easy peasy to please.

What size do you wear?


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

I ask you first! Soul is so slick she doesn't know one hand from the other. I think that is an old saying but I am not sure.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Yes. I am slick. Yes. I know one hand from the other. 

It's why I teach a class in advanced pattycake.

Here are 2 of my recent graduates:

[YOUTUBE]S7ehlw_phys[/YOUTUBE]
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7ehlw_phys]What News Anchors Do During Commercial Breaks w/sound - YouTube[/ame]


How far back in the sticks do you live pattycake? There aren't too many places left without a big old cellphone tower nearby.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS and PC play patty cake while standing on their heads. It's a pretty scary thing considering that they wear skirts.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Joshie wasted her entire Saturday trying to help Soul understand the simple facts of Homesteading. Soul kept saying "I just don't get it" when Joshie tried to explain why some folk don't have high speed internet connection. Soul thinks one must be daft to live so far out that they can't get cable.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Patty , me thinks _you _need to explain just why I cannot get high speed internet. :grump: 

It's drafty between PC's two ears.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Good grief! Between the "kissy, kissy" parrots, and the moronic newscasters . . . . . . . . . . . . well, it's just a sad, sad world.

To make matters worse, the reason Soulsurvivor posted it, is because the moronic lady newscaster is non other than Joshie. I have a sneaking suspicion that 2doordad is the male newscaster.

And I think if you watch that thing long enough, you would see pattycake in the background. pattycake is just playing dumb and saying she doesn't have high speed internet.

Goodness. I'm still shaking my head over the parrot and newscaster video.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Yes, MWS has pets. 
Yes, they're the typical cat and dog variety.
No, they don't act entirely normal.
Here's his cat:

[YOUTUBE]bmTxB5nXlzk[/YOUTUBE]

And here's his dog:

[YOUTUBE]T7fzQehxz_Q[/YOUTUBE]

And if you're like me, you have to think that our pets reflect a bit of our own personality. 
Sooooo, what does that say about MWS?
Tsk, tsk, tsk....


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

My BFF stuffs cats in the freezer.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie is so silly. She thinks that stuffed cat she saw in my freezer was a real cat. No way. I got it from MWS and he doesn't do things like that. It's just for a joke. Actually I need a stout fat piggie in there holding a sign that says "Back Off The Food". 

MWS's freezer cat is holding a sign that says "Take Me To Your Chocolate".


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Enjoy Soul's last post for awhile. The IRS are done fooling with her. She had been warned that another infraction would send her to the Big House. No internet connection there at all (let alone high speed). She is in the jail house now.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

It's probably a good thing pattycake's local post office has closed. Otherwise her neighbors would see her face plastered on the wall there as an IRS Fugitive. Those who know say that she's changed her looks by dying her hair yellow and wearing it in buns on either side of her head. What did you call it 2doordad? Wearing cinnamon buns to look like a StarWars princess? 

Actually she's working undercover with the cinnamon bun hairdo to attract the killer honeybees that have moved into Monroe County TN and make them follow her to the First Ladies' veggie garden. She wants the administration to take a more proactive stance in enforcing existing regulations that govern the import of domestic products. 

Stay tuned for more live coverage from your Channel 6 reporter Soul Knows. We stays in touch even with those on dial-up by providing a big fire and smoke signals in the eastern sky. _puff_ _puff_ _puff_


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Uh oh. It seems soulsurvivor is at it again. Her last statement about "smoke signals in the eastern sky puff puff puff" isn't about smoke signals at all.

She has gotten into her weed stash again and is puff puff puffing away. Very soon I predict soulsurvivor will be making a "munchie run" to either the local grocery store or Taco Bell.

It also won't be long before soulsurvivor is keeping company with pattycake in jail as the feds have found her weed growing operation.

Poor soulsurvivor, she never could understand those tv ads - "This is your brain on drugs." She always laughed at those commercials thinking they were so funny - perhaps because she was stoned all the time.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Late breaking news from your Channel 6 reporter Soul Knows: I'm here in North-West Penn State piloting News Chopper "Old Eyes in the Sky" covering the action below as a significant number of PA State Police have surrounded a grassy field with one lone male jumping wildly in the middle of it. 

Oh, look, look, he's stripping off and using his clothes to, to, NAH, uh huh, he's setting fire to his clothes and running around nekkid. Oh, this is too funny. Now the State Cops are falling down laughing and they're not getting up. Wow, I wish I had a working video camera. 

ok, ok, the police scanner is saying something about how it's a guy named Michael W Smith and he's got a bulls eye tat on his behind and is an escapee from the local rest home. Where's that bright light coming from? I cannot believe my own two eyes folks. There's a silver UFO beaming up this old man. . . whoa, no, they spit him back out and zoomed away, and now he's laying on the ground and he's not moving. 

Well, everyone's down for the count looks like, so signing off as your trusted source for live news coverage, Channel 6 reporter Soul Knows. Until next time, adios.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

I don't know. It sounds like soulsurvivor is smoking more than just weed.

We tried an intervention, but the person has to admit they have a problem. soulsurvivor just kept saying "I don't have a problem, YOU have a problem."


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

I know I should be posting a baseless lie about MWS but I cannot. We are all trying to save Soul from herself. When I talk about weed you know that I am referring to dandelions and such. It seems that Soul is puff, puff, puffing Spice and Cinnamon. We all pray that she will be safe from harm.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

You have to understand that where pattycake and MWS come from there's a lack of good entertainment. It's why they moonlight as Popeye and Olive Oil, the do-gooders of the bad bad world. They believe and so can you.

[YOUTUBE]-ncFDuKdgNE[/YOUTUBE]
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ncFDuKdgNE]Popeye (8/8) Movie CLIP - I'm Popeye the Sailor Man (1980) HD - YouTube[/ame]


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

I recently heard that Soul is moving on up, to the east side, to a deluxe apartment in the sky. 

Actually, it is just a hay loft in a barn in Hazard County, but let's all act happy for her. The little fantasy world that she lives in fits her just fine.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

When you can get around to it clovis, I'd like a pair of cycle skates. I know you're quite good with the frugal approach to all projects so I trust you have a way to make these new toys:

[YOUTUBE]4fr-z7zImik[/YOUTUBE]
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fr-z7zImik]Cycle-Skating - The New Sport of 1923.mp4 - YouTube[/ame]


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

soulsurvivor was up early this morning and waiting at the Post Office's door to open up. 
It seems she waited too late to do her taxes, and she didn't get them in the mail before midnight lastnight. (She was delayed due to trying to figure out if her goldfish could be claimed as a dependent.)
Anyway, as soon as the post office door opened up, she was at the counter and saying "I'd like to mail this, but I need yesterday's date on it." The post office tried to tell her they could not do that . . . . and well . . . . . let's just say sousurvivor lost control.
The police were called, ss was arrested for disorderly conduct and for biting a police officer. It's one big mess.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS eats cloves like popcorn.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie is waiting for evolution to catch up with her. She wants to dance through the tulips so she's planting poppies.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Here it's another Saturday night and Soul has nobody, she has some money as she just got paid and oh how she wishes she just had somebody.... We all worry about her but she just won't trust us. I think she is bi-polar or tri-polar.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

I would like to revisit Joshie's claim that MWS eats Clovis popcorn. I know Clovis is corny but I must throw a full out flag on this one.

pattycake has tri-polar bears in her kitchen. And she wonders why no one will come over.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Becca-chow, unbeknownst by most of us, can actually moon walk better than Micheal Jackson could.

The naked rendition she does of the _Billy Jean_ video...at a local strip club...is a little creepy, even if I have to say so myself.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Well, that's just sad. 

Not only does Clovis hang out at the seedy local strip club, but he goes there to see beccachow do her "Moon Walk". I"m not certain where Clovis came up with the idea that the Moon Walk means skidding across the floor on your hind end, but what is even more disturbing is he enjoys watching beccachow do that.

We all know that Clovis has a porn problem. Him hanging out at the seedy strip club isn't helping the problem.

Tsk, tsk. It's just all so sad.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Clovis plants seeds around MWS's Naughty Shop.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Joshie thinks the moon walk is walking around with her pants down and bending over at inopportune times, like when the local church is taking the orphaned children on a once in a lifetime field trip to the museum. Poor kids are so traumitized they have stapled their own pants onto their shirts so they will never come down.

Michael Won'tWalkOnTheMoon Smith taught her this. Very sad, really.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

If you hear any reports of wind advisories coming from Maryland, gps beccachow's location to avoid being in the path of damage. She's so windy she has her own personal storm chasers.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Since Soulsurvivor is spending her last days at the Wretched Falls retirement home, the advocacy group there tried to grant her one of her life long dreams.

When asked about her dream and wish, Soul admitted that the only thing she ever wanted to do was to be a star, in one of those weird, creepy outfits, on the _Lawrence Welk Show._


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

And Clovis, we all know that Soul can come to your house to be fitted for her life dream! Clovis only dresses in outrageous attire collected from the 1940's - 1980's. What to dress like Boy George? Go see Clovis. What to dress like Kiss? Go see Clovis. He has them all. Of course, what is really sad is he wears this stuff as daily wear.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

You cannot help but apologize to your eyeballs everytime you see MWS.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS has french kissed Gene Simmons.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Lies off. Soulsurvivor - that's funny that you used an emoticon with sunglasses. I have sensitive eyes and 99% of the time have a pair of sunglasses perched on top of my head. You never know when the sun is going to come out!

Lies on. Joshie thinks "french kissing" means you go to France and kiss. This could be one reason why Joshie is all alone and has never been kissed. Poor Joshie.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Michael Winky Smith has no lips.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

beccachow likes to go outside in the middle of a downpour and dance around. ALL of her neighbors are convinced she is a witch.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

MWS wears sunglasses equipped with windshield wipers so he doesn't miss anything during becky's raindancing. Afterall, she's nature's child and born to be wild.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

For pity's sake!! We have all been so worried about SoulSurvivor not posting! We were thinking severe health or mental problems. Seems she has been hanging out at the prison that holds Rod Blagojevich! Soul, We know you love the bad boys but he is married with children! Get yourself back to Kentucky! He is not worth it!


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Pattycake has been practicing sticking out her tongue chanting, "I must, I must, I must increase my tongue." She thinks exercise will allow her to win the National Tongue League contest against Mr. KISS.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Joshie was kicked out of her church choir for singing "Beat It" during her solo. It all went well until the guitar solo.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

2dd can't carry a tune in a bucket. However he does very well with squeaking and b-bop. 

[YOUTUBE]hOKuAigsrec[/YOUTUBE]
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOKuAigsrec]Somebody That I Used To Know - Pentatonix (Gotye cover) - YouTube[/ame]


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS thinks she's Little Bo Peep. She gets kinda confused and sometimes tries to find her tuffet.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie can be excused for mixing up her nursery rhymes. She's still dizzy from that ride she took with 3 men in a bucket.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS puts ring around the collar on all Double D's shirts.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie loves a windy day for drying her husband's shirts. She attaches a string to the hem and flies them like a kite off her back porch, the fence, the barn gate, the car antenna, ......

She's also experimenting in making orgami shirts for her husband. Cut and paste seems to work well for that crisp look.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Soul has no room to talk.

She is so old that she still dresses her man in shirts that need paper collars.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

The word is that clovis has been banned from this year's hot air balloon race in Louisville. Seems he was identified as the person that was letting the air out of the balloons before lift-off and using it to revive his vehicle's flat tires. Yep, he's a squeaker when it comes to being frugal.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS was so full of hot air that she was one of the balloons clovis popped.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

If you try to follow Joshie's train of thought you're going to find yourself in a big wreck.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

It seems soulsurvivor has been hiding in her nuclear bomb shelter ever since she heard this morning's newscaster say "It's May day today."

Poor soul misunderstood and thought they said "It's mayday today." and believing the whole world was ending, went into her bunker.

Somebody should go over and check on her, as I don't know if soul has her bomb shelter hooked up to the internet. I would do it myself, but I'm not quite sure what the proper etiquette is to knock on someone's bomb shelter door to let them know they misunderstood.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Michael Won'tknockonthedoor Smith sent pattycake over. Anyone heard from pattycake lately? Way to go, MWS, way to go. SS is holed up in her garden shed (err, bunker as she calls it) with all those garden tools at her disposal and you send someone to knock ont he door. Poor old pattycake has been trimmed, sheared, and is currently being used to fertilize.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

You can watch Becky on_ Doomsday Preppers_ as she prepares for TEOTWAWKI while park hopping at Disney World.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Joshie is so dumb that she thinks that teotwawki is a type of flightless bird native to southern Wisconsin.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

beccachow said:


> Michael Won'tknockonthedoor Smith sent pattycake over. Anyone heard from pattycake lately? Way to go, MWS, way to go. Poor old pattycake has been trimmed, sheared, and is currently being used to fertilize.


I was afraid that would happen. I wondered if soul would open the door slowly to see who was there or just throw it open and whack away and ask questions later - if the person was still alive to ask. I guess soul came out a whacking and now pattycake is resting in soul's compost pile.

Apparently after the pattycake killing, soul returned to her bunker before anymore "robbers" or zombies come around. Anyone else want to go and knock and tell soul it's not the end of the world (well . . . . it IS for pattycake)?

Poor clovis. Years ago he was tricked by the next door neighbor to go Snipe hunting at night. He has never forgiven the neighbor and now has a obsession about birds.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

WMS force fed marshmallows to pattycake and put her in the microwave.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie said:


> WMS force fed marshmallows to pattycake and put her in the microwave.


Would that be a "so no more" pattycake?

Being around Joshie requires that you can also see her visions of sugarplums dancing around in her head. It's always a real treat.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Oh lookie, apparently soul DOES have internet service in the bunker and is back out acting like nothing has happened. There still the tale tale signs of the pattycake murder - blood all over the bunker door and all over the grass.

Then there is that strange blood trail and dragging trail that leads to the compost pile. Now isn't it funny that all of a sudden soul had an urge to "turn" her compost pile?

Years from now - people will still be talking about "the pattycake murder".

Well, since soul's bunker experience, she has found out that can after can of Starkist Tuna is NOT a good idea of the only food available in the bunker. After two meals of it, she was sick of Starkist Tuna and thinking of opening the door to the bunker and raiding the neighbor's house (provided it was still standing after the "end of the world".

Soul has dumped all the Starkist Tuna on the compost pile (right over where pattycake now lays) and went shopping. She has now filled her bunker with Spam - thinking it's a much better choice.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

MWS is 10 and acts his age. He's a fanatic about remote controlled toys and currently tells anyone who'll listen about his skeeter drone. To hear him tell it, his skeeter drone is patrolling the area around his house for boogie men. Isn't that cute?


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

I'm baaaack! It is true that Soul gave me 40 whacks and took me as dead. Lucky for me I had the Ky SWAT team with me when I knocked on her door. She is posting from the Harrodsburg Jail right downtown. She is even going to miss the run for the roses!


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Poor pattycake. No matter how many showers she takes, she still can't get ALL of the compost out of her hair or her ears. 
And she smells . . . . . . . not of compost but of tuna fish. Apparently when soul dumped her hoard of Starkist Tuna, all the juices absorbed into pattycake's skin. She now can't go out of the house, because if she does, any cat within a mile diameter of her house comes a running.

But who knows, Tuna fish oil may be good for the skin? As long as pattycake stays away and doesn't get mauled by the cats, she may never age from now on.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Pattycake I'm so very glad that you survived MWS's microwave marshmallow attack. Are you still bloated?


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Joshie loves to eat bloated marshmallows. Don't answer her pattycake!!!!


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

MWS is a bloated marshmallow.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Tis true. But the reason why I'm so bloated and look like a marshmallow is because beccachow held me against my will (Ever see the movie Misery?!?) and she forcefed me.

I think her plan was to feed me real good and then butcher me (Ever see the movie Motel Hell?!?), but somehow I talked her out of it and she eventually let me go.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

MWS has a new ebay listing. It's a trouser stain in the shape of the Last Supper.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

TROUSER stain? Who on earth uses the word TROUSER -other than somebody pretending to be from England.

Oh yes folks, soulsurvivor claims she is from England and even from the Royal family no less. How was that again . . . .. . . the Queen is actually her Great Aunt - something about soul's Mother's mother was the sister of the Queen - but was a "hidden" sister. Soul claims her Mother and herself had to come to America because some of the Royal family was trying to kill them to make sure they never got to the throne.

(The only throne soul has got to sit on is the white porcelain one in her bathroom!)

Anyway, Soul was quite peeved when she didn't get invited to Will and Kate's marriage and says she will have nothing to do with the royal family anymore. (Not that she did to begin with, you understand, because all of her "claims" are all false.)


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

MWS works weekends as a dinghy buoy...no, wait.. maybe that's a dinghy boy.

[YOUTUBE]nxM4memECMM[/YOUTUBE]
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxM4memECMM]Caribbean Dinghy Jousting - YouTube[/ame]


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

WOW soul, I can't believe you posted that video. Especially since you have such a fear of water.

Yes folks, soul is deathly afraid of water. And we aren't talkint about fear of being near an ocean, or lake. And not even talking about fear of a creek or a pond. Nor are we talking about fear of a mudpuddle. She is afraid of ALL water.

There is no running water to her house. What little water she does use - has to be carried in to the house by the neighbors - and she only permits a 6 pack of water at a time to be in her house. (She is afraid if they would suddenly all leak, she would be killed from the "flood" of water coming from those 6 water bottles.

It's getting the time of year where the neighbor's don't like to do this water chore. You see, soul doesn't take a bath - EVER. And with warm weather starting . . . . . . . . well, she is starting to reek.

And you DON'T even want to know about the bathroom situation. Let's just say she won't sit on a toilet because of the fear of a geyser.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS has only Cheerios and water between his ears.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Joshie decided to clearn her house today. She is a little bit of a fanatic about it though. She takes EVERYTHING outside and wipes the ceilings & walls down and then sweeps the carpet.

She then uses an air tank and high pressure air to hose off EVERYTHING that comes back into the room.

The neighbors call her Windy.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Michael W. Smith said:


> Joshie decided to clearn her house today.


MWS is so dumb that he thinks that 'clearn' is an old Irish word for 'clean and learn'.

It is pretty confusing when he speaks to hotel housekeeping staff though, and he is always leaving old textbooks for the staff to read while they clearn.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Lies off...want to hear a funny parody I did of the famous song, Windy? "Everyone knows it's Wendy's...and Wendy's has shakes and fries..." ok I'll stop. Lies on.

So the recent lightning strike has really opened my eyes. I can see the future now.

Clovis will, in the near future, will be sucked into a comic book and have crazy experiences as a cartoon monkey named Doofus.

Joshie will hit the lottery for $25. She will quit her job as a circus clown and expect to live off the winnings for the rest of her life. She will be living in a trashcan the next day.

Michael Whinny Smith will become a horse whisperer. He will never understand why he is a failure when he whispers "walk" "trot" "canter" to confused merry go round horses.

SoulSurvivor will embark on a three hour tour from Gilligan's Island Boat Rentals. The ship washed up on the shore of this uncharted desert isle. She will have a mad affair with some guy who calls himself a professor, but who in reality is a janitor.

Pattycake will finally make her mark as a baker, baking hash brownies for the elderly. She will remain in jail for nearly 10 years, cooking for the inmates. The inmates will rise up in revolt against her Toilet Water Stew. She will write a book about her life, and nearly 12 people will buy it.

Double D will be admitted to the looney bin after he discovers a third door. He will live in a padded room with no doors and rock back and forth, chanting "three doors...three doors..." His electroshock therapy will put his psychic powers on a level with mine, and we will rule the world.

The others who join the fun once or twice and disappear will decide to come and join Baseless Lies on a permanent basis. We will brutally exose the truth in their lives and they will stay with us forever.

The browsers who won't admit they follow the thread will vote Baseless Lies as Thread of the Year. It will win since the only other thread entered will be about the mating habits of the yellow bellied sapsucker.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Becca's Schizophrenia is at a red flag high. Poor thing. I hate to tell this but I just found out she is a direct descendant of Lizzie Borden of Fall River, Massachusetts.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Pattycake aka Lizzy B is BCCC's mother.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Joshie tried to recreate the horrible scene from that long ago day but failed; she used a pillow instead of an axe. SS, her intended victim, just giggled.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

beccachow is infactuated with the movie "Gone With The Wind" and especially Scarlette. She sits and watches the movie day after day, dresses up in green curtains and goes around all the time saying "Marriage, fun? Fiddle-dee-dee. Fun for men you mean."


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS thinks scarlet is a shade of blue.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie went to the Derby and kept getting the bar mixed up with the betting window. Yep, everytime the "bartender" asked her what she wanted, Joshie would throw her money at him and say "I'll Have Another One". She would then throw all kinds of fits when security made her move on and stop holding up the line at the betting window. She cleared enough on payouts to pay her disturbing the peace fines, so all in all it was a good day.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Did you all see SS at the Derby this year, and the Derby hat she was wearing?

I told her she looked so nice, and fashionable, in her hat, and wondered where she found a hat as beautiful as that. It sure is nice, with foam in the front, mesh in the back, and one-size-fits-all.

"At the Pilot Truck Stop off of I-75. I couldn't decide between the one that said 'Kill a Commie for your Mommy', 'Born to Streak' or 'On a quiet night, you can hear a Toyota rust'" she replied.

I reckon she is hoping one of her kids will get her the "Kill a Commie for your Mommy" as a mother's day gift.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Clovis ran in the derby. He wore a brand new saddle and everything.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Joshie posted this right after she called Soul and asked her what she was wearing today. After they coordinated their outfits she asked Soul how to reply to clovis. She wrote exactly what her BFF told her to write.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

and pattycake used to write map directions for yahoo. It's why you could often find yourself in an off road location in the middle of a cow patty field.

She's still a verbal talent and can talk the ice off the sicles.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

My BFF turned 127 years old today.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

When Joshie comes to visit she likes to play Noah and take 2 of everything.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Of course Soul still uses Mapquest. Her husband bought a Garman but had to stop using it as Soul was convinced that the voice was coming on to her husband. Any little thing makes her feel threatened.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I know pattycake loves youtube. She just posted her housecleaning tip of the week:

[YOUTUBE]melfKqbgiZ8[/YOUTUBE]
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=melfKqbgiZ8]This cat demands service every week. [SUPER CUTE CUDDLY KITTEN] - YouTube[/ame]


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Around her home town, Soulsurvivor is only known by her nickname, Pork Chop.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

I had an interesting run-in at Disney this past week.

I kept pointing at one of the Disney characters and saying it reminded me of Clovis. A by-stander kept correcting me with, "No, he's just Goofy." I thought it was the same thing?


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Instead of bringing me along on her Disney vacation, as promised, she stuffed me in her washer.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

You fluffed up nice...

[YOUTUBE]aO-phqmyqdY[/YOUTUBE]
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aO-phqmyqdY]CuteWinFail: Static Dog - YouTube[/ame]


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS licked her finger and stuck it in a light socket.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie saves on gas by hot wiring and driving the neighbor's car while they're asleep.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Pork Chop, AKA Soulsurvivor, dropped her entire pension, plus some money she stole from a local orphanage, into the Facebook IPO today.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I wish. Clovis has me confused with Bono.

Clovis has a new med that puts sparkles in his field of vision. It's done wonders for his outlook on life as he thinks he's in a fairyland. For him, his old Rambler looks exactly like a Lambo.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS's real name is Bobo The Clown.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Well played, Twinky-Bubble the One Eyed Clown (or Joshie as her friend calls her)(yes, she only has one friend).


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Poor Becky doesn't have even one friend.


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## Haven (Aug 16, 2010)

Joshie has a goldfish - she doesnt need friends.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Poor Haven is so naive. She has no idea that by innocently posting on this thread that Soul, Becca and Joshie will rip her to threads and ruin her reputation. All by baseless lies.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Pattycake is so cheap that she watches the funeral home listings each day, just to figure out where she is going to have afternoon lunch.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Clovis sells coffins on ebay.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Clovis knows this, because he goes to every funeral viewing. He leads such a boring life - so to make things interesting, he goes to the funeral viewings and tells the bereaved family how he knew their loved one. (It's all made up of course but most families just assume he is telling the truth.)


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS wears dreadslocks.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Joshie said:


> MWS wears dreadslocks.


MWS might wear 'dreadslocks', what ever that is, but the one we have to worry about is Joshie.

She still wears a mullet.


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## DenMacII (Aug 16, 2008)

Joshie, I am Becca's one friend. I'm not just saying that because she promised to share with me the first year's dividends from her Facebook stock - last time she promised me royalties from her sole ownership of the Sham-Wow company - and did I ever say "WOW was that a Sham!!!"

BTW dreadlocks are pretty much a matted down mullet worn by Trustafarians who are living off of their parents money while pretending to be cool stoner people, which is why Joshie is so familiar with the term. I last saw her in line for a Reggae show with a bunch of people I would only describe as 'suspicious'

Oh, and Clovis lives for mullets - the movie Joe Dirt was based on the life of Clovis.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

DenMacII doesn't use drugs. He spins himself around until he gets too dizzy to stand up and then sucks a cold cherry coke through a straw until he passes out. As he told me, it's a cheap thrill and doesn't hurt anyone. Hey, I might try it myself. Wonder how fast this scooter chair will spin?


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS put plugs in clovis's ears using her cigarettes.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie wears a hat that says Out To Lunch and she insists on walking with her Slinky dog toy.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Soul once had a job as a teller at a bank. It didn't last long.

She was so impressed with herself that she was able to balance her drawer, not only on top of the computer at her teller window, but also on top of her head.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Clovis has decided to quit his job and get out of the rat race. He opened up his home based business "Clovis's Drive Thru Restaurant".

This "restaurant" is in his home and since it's only a drive thru, he simply spray painted the "road" through his lawn where people are to drive up to, order, and pick up their food. 

He is making his poor wife sit at the "order" window which happens to be the bathroom - she has to stay out of sight, but Clovis has a paper cup phone hooked up for people to place orders. Once the order is placed, they drive up to the "pick up" window which is the kitchen. There Clovis himself will take your money and hand you your order.

If you ask him how business has been, he says "Very busy." But sadly, Clovis doesn't have a business plan and all of his "advertising" is a small paper sign at his driveway showing people where the Drive Thru Restaurant is. He hasn't had one single customer yet in 3 weeks.

Clovis keeps telling his wife "A new business takes time to make money." 

So Clovis' wife continues to sit in the bathroom waiting for that first car to pull up so she can use her paper cup phone. Meanwhile, Clovis continues to "run the kitchen" which really equates to him chasing the rats bakc to their holes in the wall. But Clovis just knows his restaurant is going to make him rich.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS spends a lot of time in the bathroom because he has diarrhea of the mouth.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Joshie is a mermaid.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Double D knows this because he caught her on his fishing line while poaching fish in the fountain at the mall.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Anyone wanna know how becca knows about the fountain at the mall?

That is where she goes to fetch her drinking water.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Becky wishes she had Double Ds.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

uh Joshie, you skipped over clovis back there. I know he's hard to see but he's that flat lump of clothing lying on the tarmac with black skid marks on his backside.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

soulsurvivor said:


> uh Joshie, you skipped over clovis back there. I know he's hard to see but he's that flat lump of clothing lying on the tarmac with black skid marks on his backside.


As she looks back through her rear view mirror. "What was that bump in the road?"


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Michael Won't Wash His Drawers Smith knows all about skid marks.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Becky recently started a new business. She paints brown stripes on any undies you like. She has a thing for thongs.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie is not at all impressed with Becky's stripes painting technique. She much prefers spots and dots and bubbles in her world. I think she sometimes refers to them as sprinkles... maybe trinkles....??


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS has wrinkles on her wrinkles.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

... and she rhymes all the time.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS's goal is to walk across the country on her tippy toes.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie has me mixed up with pattycake. She's the one with the trippy toes, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, she's Super Toes. Al Gore, roving foot fetish reporter, follows her everywhere. At last report old Super Toes was hopping around the wildfire in New Mexico and headed to the Hoover Dam for a good toe soak.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS shaved Becky's head. Becky is bald but beautiful.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I wouldn't say Joshie is a tree hugger, but she does wear bird nests in her hair during the dove season. It's kinda neat to sit and watch the peeps hatch, but I had to promise Joshie I would leave my cat at home this year.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Baseless lies cannot not stay afloat without Soulsurvivor and she has gone missing. She disappeared right at the time the Belmont ran without 'I"ll Have Another' and I can't quite put my finger on it but somehow I know Soul is involved. Just saying.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

I overheard pattycake saying to SS, "I'll never have another horse...... for dinner."
:bdh:


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie and pattycake gang up and spread lies about me to cover up the fact that they're using the cemetary driveway for their drag races.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Soul only knows this because she frequents the cemetary to have free access to all the flowers. She always entertains with lovely center piece bouquets and tells eveyone that she gets them from her picking garden. Yeah, right!


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Pattycake's nickname is Mud Grips because she and her 4-wheeler tamp down the dirt on the new graves. I have to remove the flowers so she doesn't destroy them.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS eats grub sandwiches.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS has her mouth so full of grubs she can't even say a word.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie had a restaurant but it went south when the menu offered only food filler items like maggot rice, tofu blocks, and loofah gourd soufle. The loofah gourd soufle wasn't too bad as a meal ending dish because you felt scrubbed clean before leaving the premises.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS started a new job as a taxidermist. Pattycake and BCCC were her first victims.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

SS lied to Joshie about this as she thought it would make her sound important. No body taxi-dermed me. I am alive and well.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

She'll deny this too, but pattycake had a dead cat taxidermied as a remote control flying drone. It has flashing green lights for eyes and all four paws are poker straight down with the claws extended and enhanced with red flashing lights that create the visual effect of dripping blood. She has plans to use it on Halloween to scare away the trick or treaters.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

It was 3:31 am. Did you know where SoulSurvior was? That above post was a total flashback for Soul. She tried this trick to keep the kids away. It kept them away because they were tired of getting candy canes that Soul had bought two years ago at a post Christmas sale.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

The pattycake is a cuckoo clock collector. She has engineered all her birdies to say "Yo, what time is it?" and then the birdies do a rendition of Hammer Time.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS was the first cuckoo pattycake collected.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

It's a surprise a minute when you live next door to Joshie. She's really into unusual house colors and her abode is easy to spot from the highway. Just look for the orange house with the big sign on the roof that says "ORANGE YOU GLAD YOU DON'T LIVE HERE?" 

I personally really like her subtle sense of humor. I'm also glad I'm not in the market to sell my house.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

This year's best fireworks were in KY. Her toots made for some of those extra loud fireworks. Even so, I'm not exactly sure I ever want to see fart fireworks again.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

It's funny how all the smells are always in the general vincinity of Joshie. We were calling her Smelly Sparks before the night was over. She doesn't mind the name games though. Her big game is to rename everything, like doobie is actually a doodie, toot is a fart, scoot is anal slippage, and whee is clearing aside the kidney stones.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Soul started the wildfires in Colorado, and is actually proud of it.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

You're all invited to clovis's house for carrots:

[YOUTUBE]TvOYOYZjMu8[/YOUTUBE]
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvOYOYZjMu8]Hilarious Carrot Party - YouTube[/ame]


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Oh, and sorry to hear that Iowa governor Terry Branstad choked on carrots and had to be taken to the hospital. We'll assume that clovis had nothing to do with this.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Clovis isn't feeling that well today because he ate a bit too much of SS's pre-chewed carrot slaw.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie, ever the entrepreneur, is setting up shop to sell to a select clientele group. She's selling pre-chewed food for pets. She invites people to her home for dinner and when the guests have their mouths full, Joshie tells them "ha ha, it's snot" so they will spit it out. Then she will say "no, I was joking, please enjoy this gourmet meal". And she does it again, this time it's "beetle gizzards" to make them barf out the chewed up food. 

Joshie's dinners are a 7 course nightmare for her guests, but you have to give her credit for a unique marketing strategy. She loves to invite important people to her chewing marathons and markets their contributions as "lamb chop bite pre-chewed by Dr Phil". I don't think she's invited the President yet, as she doesn't want to risk having to hand over her silverware.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Soulsurvior decided her little area of Kentucky need more tourism, so she sunk her entire fortune into creating one.

She bought the largest rock she could find, had it moved to her backyard, and painted it in various colors. Due to the rock's unusual shape, she decided to call it "The Kidney Stone". 

Soul then hired barn painters to paint all the barns on the highway, in 'Rock City' style, to read:

"YOU ARE ABOUT TO PASS A KIDNEY STONE. SEE THE LARGEST PAINTED ROCK IN KY."

And, on the barns located after you drive by:

"YOU JUST PASSED A KIDNEY STONE. IT'S BIG FUN. LARGEST PAINTED ROCK IN KY."


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

It's 104 today and clovis is out back at "the kidney rock" frying up liver and onions.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

The reason it's so hot is that SS is trying to break the Guinness Book of World Records by cooking the largest pot of kidney beans ever made. 

Not only did Mr. SS have to make the largest stove ever all the bean eaters have created a whole lot of sticky gas.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS just finished up her job training. Her lifelong dream has been to become a telemarketer. You'll know you're speaking with SS if you get a call around 11 pm from Suzie's Sausage.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Joshie is called The Resurrector because of her ability to find dead threads and bring them abck to life. She started with finding dead bugs on the sidewalk and resurrecting them.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Becky loves stink bugs.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Lies off. I haven't noticed ANY stink bugs int he house this year. I was delighted until someone told me that they were busy laying eggs and next year would be a bumper crop of them. WAHHHH!!! Lies on.

Joshie loved my stink bug stew the last time she came over. She said it was crunch-a-licious. She spent the rest of the evening picking little legs out of her teeth with a matchbook.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Beccachow's new hobby is time lapse photography. Her choice of subjects is unusual, yet may add to some demand for the rare that's coming forth in those time layered studies. For example, I had no idea that specks of food could develop such a wide color range if left on the teeth long enough.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

soulsurvivor invented onion flavored toothpaste. She is baffled as to her lack of sales.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

News worth repeating! I just learned that becca is the actual voice of "Hello, this is Rachel of card services"!!!


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

patty cake went in to the local Dollar General Store today to purchase a few things. I'm afraid she made a complete fool of herself. She bought a bottle of shampoo that cost $2.50 and then argued with the sales clerk that "This is a Dollar Store, so it should only cost $1.00."

An argument ensued, the manager got involved and had to call the police. The police had to physically remove patty cake from the store.

patty cake's last words to the manager is "This is the first and last time I ever stepped foot in this store. I won't be back." Somehow I think the manager was relieved.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Michael "Will Work For Food" Smith was the door greeter at the dollar store. He wears a cute smilie face name tag that says "My Name Is Mike." 

Now the controversy begins when My Name Is Mike frisked Pattycake repeatedly. I'm not gonna say much more, but when it was over he could tell you what size her undies are. :nono:


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Walmart doesn't quite know what to do with their new greeter, Becky. She wears Pattycake's undies on her head. :yuck:


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

In Joshie's hometown, the newly constructed courthouse has a body scanner just like the airports. As Joshie went through it recently to go pay her property tax, she was delighted to be wearing her undergarment that says Back Away Slowly And No One Gets Hurt.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

SS has ever met a courthouse, or jail cell for that matter, that she didn't like. SHe knows all of the officials by name, the guards just give her a high-five and say, "Hey, how long you in for this time?"


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Yes, I do and that's how I know that beccachow works undercover for the Fish Game & Wildlife Commission as a beaver in heat.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS is sort of like Superman and Clark Kent. In SS's other life, she's known as Captain Underpants.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Joshie posted on the tightward/frugal thread that the best way to save on your grocery bill this winter will be to get yourself arrested. She plans to eat 3 squares a day at the county jail.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I love reading pattycake's posts on HT. She has a thread asking for advice of what to do for her peanut allergy. Seems she loves peanuts but everytime she tries to eat them she falls asleep with the peanuts in her mouth. 

Oh, but not to worry too much about choking because she wakes up sneezing peanuts out of her mouth at the speed of projectile bullets. 

So far, she's killed the neighbor's cat and severely injured a few hummers. What to do?


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS ran over my tomato plants with her Hummer.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

I am so sorry for Joshie losing her tomato plants. SS has a Hummer as she is AWOL from the United States Army! She decided her time in Afghanistan was worthless so she managed to get herself and a Hummer on a ship back home.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

We don't speak above a whisper about it but pattycake is green, yet she has a beautiful smile. :happy2: We've decided she's probably had one too many popsicles.


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

Ahh, so you finally figured out it is POPsicles, not PUPsicles. Last time SS asked me to her house for a frozen treat...oh, I just can't finish the post. The horror, the horror.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

They're Puppy Feet Treats. They only look real. I use partially melted vanilla ice cream and dip Pea Chaser's paw in some chocolate and then use his paw to make the imprint into the ice cream. He really enjoys cleaning up the mess and you, well silly dilly, you get all flustered thinking it's real puppy feet. Tis ok cause it leaves more for me. :nana:


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

I am just sick to have to report this. While watching Inside Edition on CBS I saw Prince Harry in the midst of his Las Vegas party and I caught a glimpse of SS in the background. Shame on you SS as you are setting an example for us homesteaders!


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

nah, wasn't me. I'm married to the coolest old man in the world. He's my motorcycle rebel dream man too. 

So pattycake, when's your next eye appointment? Need someone to drive you? Wishing you the best.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Soul is known for her excuses when caught in some ??? acts. I have the start of cataracts but I know Soul from a mile away. Harry is kinda cute, right Soul?


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Well sure he's cute, like a grandson is cute. And I'm sorry to hear of the cataracts. I hope they don't cause you any problems.

Just so you understand pattycake, I'm 62 and feel every year of it.

Did I ever share with you about who looks like my handsome husband? I understand you don't have the internet connect to watch this, but maybe you can still see the picture of the guy on the left with the long silver beard. It's almost freaky how much he looks and acts like DH:

[YOUTUBE]0_EFdod4YDo[/YOUTUBE]
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_EFdod4YDo]ZZ Top - Sharp Dressed Man (From "Live In Texas") - YouTube[/ame]


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

That's SS standing next to her beloved hubby.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Yea, afraid so. I have chin hair that grows everytime I tell a lie. :ashamed:


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## beccachow (Nov 8, 2008)

SS now has a chin-hair bridge to Mars.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

... and if you believe that I've got a bridge to Mars to sell you.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Becky recently purchased the Golden Gate Bridge from SS. What she didn't know at the time of purchase was that the suspension cables were made from the ear and nose hair SS plucked from her while she was sleeping.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie is super busy trying her hand at carving herself a set of wooden teeth. In her words "if it was good enough for the father of our country, it's good enough for me". We've tried to explain to her that George didn't wear wooden false teeth but she thinks we're telling a lie. I wonder why but I don't lose any sleep over it.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS wears plugs in her ear lobes.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Joshie is just so proud of her candidate, Mitt Romney...and she supports him because she loves the fact that he has "binders of women".


----------



## Heritagefarm (Feb 21, 2010)

Clovis has cloven hooves for feet, which he Dremeled out of solid oak. 'Course, the only reason he had to do this was because he injured himself with the Dremel, which is really hard to do. I thought he'd done it with a Sawzall, and circular saw, maybe an angle grinder, nope, it was his Dremel. I had to confiscate it from him, along with his shop. Much too dangerous. And I'm really enjoying all these power to - I mean, sacrificing myself to keep Clovis safe from himself.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Heritagefarm volunteered for the over 50 super soldier training. Once fully trained and activated he will serve as a Walmart greeter post disaster.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Soulsurvivor is already dressed for Halloween and is roaming around her little Kentucky town. She is dressed as a fortune teller and has her Tarot cards laid out. This is her way of finding out everyone's business and she spends the rest of the year on the phone repeating what she learned. Just as the kids can only Trick or Treat on Halloween it seems like the town would put a limit of Soul too.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

It's pretty frightening, but pattycake has spent the last 4 days calling the Romney campaign to see if she, too, is listed in one of Mitt's binders of women.


----------



## Heritagefarm (Feb 21, 2010)

I have now agreed to let Clovis have his shop back, on one condition: I keep everything in it. Mwahaha! Er...


----------



## clovis (May 13, 2002)

I don't know if you all have heard this yet, but HF is listed in the report about how Lance Armstrong urged others to use doping to enhance their performance. 

Seems that HF is now telling Mr. Armstrong, "All is not lost. I will still sponsor you."

Heritage is trying to hire Lance to be a sponsor to his new organization, The CreamStrong Foundation.


----------



## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Clovis is trying hard to distract attention from the fact that he voted early and pulled an all Republican ticket..


----------



## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Speaking of right wing extremists, pattycake is proud of her Tea Party.

She is so frugal and fiscally conservative that at a recent fundraiser she held for US Senate candidate Richard Mourdock, she served tea made from used tea bags that she had been collecting all summer long.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

You probably won't immediately notice it but clovis has a mild hearing loss. He's been serving as a volunteer for the Romney campaign by calling up potential voters. There's only so many loud shrill whistles over a phone line that can be safely tolerated before experiencing hearing loss. tsk tsk tsk.....


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS braids her nose hair.


----------



## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Joshie carries SPAM in her pocket wherever she goes, she says it makes her feel invincible.


----------



## Heritagefarm (Feb 21, 2010)

Joshie braids her horse tails. Only problem is, she can never untangle them... So she snips them off and uses them to braid really, really stiff and thick rugs. She then uses them (the rugs) to club burglars.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

HF was the first burglar I ever clubbed. 

By the way, if anybody has problems with tangles or burrs, very generous use of Suave hair conditioner removes horse tangles like nobody's business.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

It is a little embarrassing to see Joshie out wandering and roaming the streets today.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I yelled from my car window.

"I am gleaning the streets and sidewalks for dropped and spit-out candy" she said. "I'm going to make a stew from whatever I find" she added.

I don't mind a bit what Joshie does, but it is a little weird when she gets up on people's porches looking for candy .


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Clovis wears a garlic braid. You'll have to ask him why he does that.

2doordad is still waiting for someone to say "hi" to him. I would but my hands are full of pumpkin seeds and mush.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

One of SS's nicknames is Mrs. Pumpkinhead for obvious reasons.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie nicknames everyone. It's her excuse for having no working memory of what is your real name. You're liable to be "funky coma deena" one minute and "skeeter barf" the next, but it's all entertaining if viewed in the proper perspective.


----------



## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Ever wonder why Soulsurvivor keeps this thread going? I discovered she teaches a class on Baseless lying 101 at her local community college. Way to go Soul!


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

We humor pattycake's fantasy. She likes to pretend she's a remote viewer and therefore is never wrong.


----------



## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Of course I am never wrong! Soul just finished reading "What Really Happened" by Rielle Hunter and envies Rielle those life experiences.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

pattycake is president of the over 60 cheerleader club. They warm the seats and wave the pom poms for any event that needs visual support.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

SS those aren't pumkin seeds they are buggers. SS voted for Chuck Norris today.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Double D thinks he looks just like Chuck Norris.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Joshie texted this as she was waiting in line to vote today at Walmart. She thought it was a voting site but found out three hours later that she was in line for the Christmas Lay-a-way plan.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Pattycake wears a pink tutu and 7" heels to Walmart. She would actually look pretty good if that wasn't the only thing she wore.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

It is after midnight here in the Midwest, and the election has already been called solidly for Obama.

Everyone in America knows the election has been called, but Joshie is still holding out that California, Oregon and Washington will still all go for Romney.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

clovis listened to election results on his radio. He's color blind and the red and blue graphics confuse him.


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## Heritagefarm (Feb 21, 2010)

That's because last term he watched the red and blue graphic all night until his eyeballs fell out of his head. When they were reinstalled, they used Windows and now he is colorblind.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

HeritageFarm has a new interactive toy named Furby. It's blue, furry and interacts and takes on HF's personality quirks as its' own, saving all that to a tiny computer chip memory. HF carries it with him everywhere and talks with it constantly. . . ya, it's going to be grand fun when HF forgets and leaves his Furby sitting in a federal building somewhere....


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS is in a federal building under lock and key for her huge Furby scheme. The Feds foiled her attempt to overtake the world. 

Hmmm, if they are monitoring HT do you suppose the Feds would notice the title of this thread? Pattycake, is it terrible to admit that I have no idea how to text and no desire to learn?


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

Joshie lives in a bomb shelter with 59 cats.


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## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

2doordad knows this because he lives with Joshie in her bomb shelter with her 59 cats. He is so happy to have found his soulmate.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Pattycake is purrfect.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie is Cat Woman but she outgrew her leather suit. Now it's just the mask that fits.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS dumps stray kitties off at Oggie's place all the time.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I think of it as redirecting traffic.

On the way home from church yesterday the 3 year old grandson informed everyone that he wanted a farm with a pig, a cow, and 3 *******. He was trying to say geese.


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## 2doordad (Aug 28, 2010)

SS loves *******.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

2doordad loves knock knock jokes. 

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ascended.
Ascended who?
Ascended you some stray kitties too.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS's noggin' is hollow.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie used to be Josie and the *****cats.
ya, lost her voice and then lost her kitties.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS decided to go out and shoot her own turkey for Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, she forgot her glasses at home and shot up her neighbor's chicken coop.


----------



## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

I noticed on the Thanksgiving thread that Joshie was offered a free ticket to Israel. She took in a heart beat as she says she always wanted to travel for Thanksgiving. She is flying into the Gaza Strip. Let's all wish her a safe and happy Thanksgiving.


----------



## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Pattycake is so dumb that she thinks that the Gaza Strip is a dance dating back to the red light district era.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

clovis is so dumb he thinks there's a mad turkey disease and is refusing to eat turkey this year.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS drank too much of Alton Brown's egg nog and gave herself a fauxhawk.


----------



## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Joshie is so dumb that he/she thinks that a faux hawk is a type of bird, and is correctly pronounced as "fox hawk".


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Clovis is so dumb he can't tell the difference between boys and girls.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie is so tired she doesn't care.


----------



## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

I overheard Soulsurvivor tell Clovis that she thought he could turn water into bottled water.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I heard that pattycake was soaking her hearing aids in water to try and remove the excess earwax.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS found a new business opportunity and is looking for investors. She swears she will bake a boatload of money selling jars of pattycake's ear wax. SS swears it is the best thing yet for dry, cracked heels.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie has submitted her resume to be hired as Honey Boo Boo's nanny.


----------



## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Soul only knew about the resume because she is actually Honey Boo Boo's grandma and is directly involved with the filming of this reality series.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

pattycake is undercover paparazzi and took the nude photos of Kate.


----------



## clovis (May 13, 2002)

SS is pretty impressed with her use of the word paparazzi. 

Up until a few days ago, she thought that _paparazzi_ was a type of Mexican pizza.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

and clovis is pattycake's assistant. As such he helps set up the perfect photo ops. His recent encounter with the Biebs didn't go so well. The Biebs is not going to be charged for assault.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS wears purple sunglasses and rides a Schwinn with a banana seat.


----------



## How Do I (Feb 11, 2008)

Joshie was hired as Honey Boo Boo's nanny! :bouncy:

She was fired just three days later when June caught Joshie placing a secret admirer letter in Sugar Bear's sock drawer. :nono:


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

In case you readers are wondering, How Do I is the new Ann Landers. 

Dear How Do I:

I have a huge water spider inside my house. How do I get rid of it?

Thank you.
soulsurvivor


----------



## pattycake (May 16, 2010)

Soulsurvivor believes there is no question to dumb to ask. We are always told that as children but most of us know better. Spider in her house? Kill it! Soul is too dumb to figure it out herself.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Pattycake used a squirt gun to kill SS's water spider (whatever that is).


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

She missed.


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## How Do I (Feb 11, 2008)

Soulsurvivor doesn't really have a spider problem at all. She just acts like she does so she can post scary spider pics. (_Need positive proof? See above pic. Nobody asked her to post that pic, now did they? Hrrmmm?_) She does so because she gets her kicks scaring the bejeebers out of people.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

...and How Do I gets her kicks from following behind people, picking up their fallen bejeebers and offering to put them back in place, often where the sun don't shine.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS carries around a backpack full of spiders.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Yes, I'm on my way to Joshie's house to deliver this backpack of spiders. She ties a little red ribbon around their waist and dangles them from the rafters of her house to add mirth and joy at this time of year.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS eats kittens for lunch.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

You told me it was Fluffy Salad.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Don't stand too close to SS or she'll braid your armpit hair just like she did to How Do I. Heck, she's been known to add armpit hair extensions in order to do it.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Here's SS's recipe for fluffy salad: Dip cotton balls in raspberry jam and place them in a bowl. Leave in fridge overnight then serve the next day with whipped cream as desired.


----------



## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Well, Joshie is out of a job, as of this morning.

Seems that she was on the management team that advised Miley Cyrus "to put it all out there" and so "she could make a name for herself" and earn "fifteen minutes of fame".


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Clovis's wife has refused to ride with him anymore:

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PIGdhLgYG4[/ame]


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS's real name is Sally Sue. She loves lollipops but they get stuck in her hair.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie has a clue but she put it on a post it note and then lost it.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

Joshie enjoys the self-induced dutch oven.


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

FaithFirst talks with a lisp. Her name is really FaceFirst.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

Thasss not twue! Michael eats his toenails


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

FaceFirst knows this because she watches Michael cut his toenails. She refuses to wear protective facial wear. That might have something to do with her name or something and is why she speaks with a lisp and has vision problems in seeing the post directly above her in this forum. Did I leave anything out? Oh yea, welcome FaithFirst to the most fun thread on the internet.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

Thank you soul. I'm not sure if I should be flattered to be known as a woman... are my moobs that big? Lol. 

Hey SS... how's the lazy cross eye doing?


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

FF doesn't know the difference between girl and boy names. I've always wondered what those things hanging to your knees are. I have never seen anything like that on a man, by the way. 

Welcome to HT!


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I didn't realize you had a lazy cross eye too! You're doing great!


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

Joshie likes to dance around in her skivvies singing Miley Cyrus songs!


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Rumor has it FaithFirst is in between gender correction surgery. The only problem is, no one really knows what "it" started out as.

Even the best doctors aren't sure and truth be known, FF isn't even sure. One day all dolled up like a lady in a dress, the next day in a man's suit. The neighbors are starting to wonder why they only see the "married couple" next door only one person at a time.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

We all know of Elvis impersonators, well Michael is a William Hung impersonator and specializes in crashing weddings singing "She bangs! She bangs!"


----------



## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Faithfirst has been knitting a wool blanket using wool...steel wool, that is.

I tried to tell her how scratchy that thing would be, but she replied "Yeah, I've heard about wool before."


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

It exfoliates! Clovis greets the neighborhood dogs with a nice sniff of their rear...


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

FF wants perms to become popular again. He is such a tightwad that he climbs telephone poles and touches the wires. It's too bad everybody runs away from the burnt hair smell before he can show off his curls.


----------



## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

Joshie does not believe it is a singe to climb utility poles. Wow...I can...tell a lie.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

Bret wears Obama shirtzees!


----------



## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

FaithFirst said:


> Bret wears Obama shirtzees!


In order to Unlike this I would need to LIke it first.


----------



## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Every week, Bret divides up his paycheck for his investment portfolio.

Half goes to MF Global, and the other half is sent to Madoff Investment Securities, LLC.

To this day, he believes that both firms are outstanding investments, boasting unbelievable returns.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

Clovis had his butt cheek autographed by Bill Clinton!


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

FF _is_ Bill Clinton.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

To Joshie everyone is a Mr. Bill. In preschool she ran right past the easy bake oven toys and made herself happy with the playdough world. Mr. Bill, Gumby, Pokey... Joshie loves them all.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

Joshie is Hillary


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

FairthFirst is a registered Republican, Democrat, AND Independent. He split his house up into 3 different "apartments" - First floor, 2nd floor, and attic and has 3 different mailboxes out front. So far the officials haven't caught on that this very same person votes 3 different times in a day.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

Michael stalks his local postmaster in the hopes of kissing his or her feet.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

FF needs a bath. (Hmm, I'm not so sure this one is a lie.)


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

It wasn't, till I showered first thing this morning. Wife won't go out in public with me otherwise.

Josie has a Mario suit she likes to wear to church.


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

FairthFirst is looking forward to Curling in the Olympics.

Only problem is, he is going to be awful disappointed. He thinks curling is a row of hair dressers with a lady in each chair in front of them, and the first one that finishes curling the lady's hair is the winner.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I can't fault anyone for thinking the curling teams are hairdressers. Have you seen their team uniforms?
http://www.newsday.com/sports/olympics/curling-fashion-at-the-olympics-1.7021862#1


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

OHHHHHHHHHHH . . . . . Soulsurvivor, DON'T even get me started on them.

The one team I saw, looked like they had pajama bottoms on. I absolutely HATE curling - it just seems stupid to me - like the people brushing the ice so the rock goes further. COME ON!!

You just have to wonder WHO thought up this "sport" to begin with and then WHO the person was that said "Oh yeah, that should be an olympic event." And other people saying "Oh yeah, that will be so cool."

REALLY?!?!?!? You have REAL athletes - going 80 miles an hour down a steep hill on pretty much nothing but ice, and you have the racers iceskating round and round. And you even have the ice dancers. And then you have curling. :hair

Now don't get me wrong, I saw Matt Lauer and how hard it is for the rock pusher to keep their balance, but curling is about as exciting to me as golf.

Now, back to the baseless lies.

Soulsurvivor doesn't even have a soul. Nor is she a survivor. Her family describes her more as a leech.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

Michael forgot to take his happy medicine (jello shots) today! Lol


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

All the potluck people know about FaithFirst's jello salad. Behind his back they call it concrete salad. It has no wiggle and jiggle.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

The only thing SS has survived is her own cooking. Neighbors call it the burnt food diet.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

FF has green hair.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie likes to tell folks she walks on water. She conveniently leaves out the part where it's rain on the sidewalk.


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

soulsurvivor is all excited today after the mail came. She is telling everyone she won a million dollars each year for life due to the Publishers Clearing House letter she got.

She really should have read the fine print before she went into work and told her boss "Take this job and shove it up your . . . . ."


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

At which point michael bent over....


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

FaithFirst is excited. It's Valentine's Day and he gets to wear his hat that says "For a shock, Kiss Me. I'm full of static electricity."

I can only imagine the wait in line for that.


----------



## clovis (May 13, 2002)

You all ought to see the interesting collection that soulsurvivor has been putting together all these years.

It is a collection of other people's hair that she has found out in public, one strand at a time.

The collection is encased in display cases, and fills nearly every inch of her house. Each hair strand is carefully labeled, and reads "Found at Chick-fil-A, under the table, 2nd booth next to large window, 5-14-1977."

My favorite is the one she has labeled: "Blonde hair specimen found on the back of Mabel Jean Smith's coat, at church, 8-19-1984." 

She's hoping that the Smithsonian will take her collection someday, but for some reason, they aren't returning any of her phone calls.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

SS also has a disturbing collection of trapped farts... in quart jars. She likes to open them randomly to take a tiny sniff. Her favorites belong to the Shepard species.


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Faithfirst has a unique way of getting rid of the snow - he has a huge natural gas blow torch and every single day goes out and melts every single snowflake on the sidewalk, the driveway, and even the yard.

He even used to get on top of the house roof and melt the snow until he had that unfortunate house fire.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Michael W Smith managed to get hired as the weather forecaster but he was quickly fired when he couldn't keep his blonde wig in place and wore his skirts too short. I thought he did a fine job of forecasting myself. He gave us new things to think about like frost quakes. I especially enjoyed his physical demonstration of that using ice cubes to make his patsies quiver.... brrrr.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

I am amazed that SS has pulled herself away from her daily routine of blue's clues, orange juice through chocolate milk straws and deep fried twinkies for breakfast to post this morning.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

FaithFirst, I refuse to pet sit your goldfish anymore.

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1aSxrXjBys[/ame]


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

First off... That's awesome! Its OK, I know why you don't want to watch my fish anymore... I know you can't fit your face into the box to watch it.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

SS, Josie and Michael like to go into town, at lunch on Wednesdays, dressed up as Peter, Paul and Mary. (Michael is Mary). They used to get requests until the crowds realized the only music they can make is with their bums...


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

FF thinks the letter H should always be ignored.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

Joshie does a rain dance before she showers... that be magic makin' da water come out of dat der pipe thingy.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I like to hear FaithFirst speak. He rolls every R and sounds like Scooby Doo trying to learn Italian. His voice could probably tune instruments from a distance.


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

soulsurvivor is usually with FaithFirst acting as an American sign language interpreter.

Ever since the Nelson Mandela sign language fiasco, soul survivor figures she can be a fake interpreter too.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

If youtube isn't working then you can watch the fish driving here:
http://www.wimp.com/fishdrives


Michael W Smith is paid by the National Forest Service to go stand in the mountains and sing. His voice brings down all the avalanches.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS had a bunch of ear infections when she was a kid. Since ear tubes helped clear them up, she tries to stick straws in everybody's ears as she says, "_You_ need a _tube_."


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie wants to try the shoe gloves but can't find any that have an extra baby toe opening.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

Joshie's favorite snack? The little crusties from between her toes. Other's toes too! That's why she works as a pedicurist... shhh


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

FaithFirst has to wear sandals with no socks when he goes shopping. He needs all his fingers and toes to count out his money and make change.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS has designed a whole line of clothing made with dirty gym socks.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

Joshie is SS's model and mannequin.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

FaithFirst has gone to Rabbit Island to learn hip hop.

http://www.wimp.com/stampedebunnies/

He could have saved a lot of money by staying home and watching it on tv:

http://www.wimp.com/evolutiondancing/


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

SS sent me a text yesterday. The reason she's been gone is that she was abducted by aliens and is enjoying the 'research' so much she's refusing to come back to earth!


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

This is FaithFirst doing his recent jaunt in space:
http://www.wimp.com/splitsspace

We waved at you FF as we went by, but you didn't wave back. They forget to polarize you again?


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS cannot put her fingers in her ears and stick out her tongue at the same time. She sure keeps a tryin' though.


----------



## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Joshie said:


> SS cannot put her fingers in her ears and stick out her tongue at the same time. She sure keeps a tryin' though.


You all be nice to Joshie.

It took him 8 full days to come up with this last post.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

clovis is teaching himself to paint by number.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

soulsurvivor said:


> clovis is teaching himself to paint by number.


After teaching himself to count using his 9 fingers and 11 toes.


----------



## clovis (May 13, 2002)

FF is still trying to learn how the 'Baseless Lies' thread works.

(A gentle reminder, FF: You are supposed to make up a baseless lie about the person _above_ where your post will be.)

Of course, all this is said in my best teacher voice.

LOL.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Apparently clovis is confused because he is telling the truth. There's the other thing about being to tell the difference between boys and girls. Last time I looked I was a girl. 

OK, back to the lies, clovis wants winter to stick around forever.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

Clovis' best teacher voice sounds a lot like Granny from Beverly Hillbillies.


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Awww, poor Joshie. 
Joshie is a confused transgender person as Joshie's parents would have Joshie in dresses one day and dressed as a boy the next. Joshie's name also changed every other day - Joshie one day and Josh the next.
Joshie doesn't wasn't ever taught the anatomy between boys and girls. Joshie thinks the "innie" and "outie" between people's legs are like goat ears - some have them, some don't. :shocked:

FaithFirst is dyslexic. That is why FF keeps missing the person that FF is supposed to be writing about.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

Michael once applied for a marriage license to himself. See, the other voice in his head is female and she thought it would be a good idea.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

For a $100 FaithFirst will act as a justice of the peace and marry anyone anywhere anytime. If you have a no show he will even provide a poster board cutout stand in.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

It's scary to think of what SS will do for $100!

By the way, Michael and clovis, Joshie/Josh/Joshua is my daughter's horse. Joshie, DH and DS are all boys while DD and I are girls... just so you know...


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Names are important to Joshie/Josh/Joshua and they all answer to nay/neigh/hay/hey.


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Joshie said:


> By the way, Michael and clovis, Joshie/Josh/Joshua is my daughter's horse. Joshie, DH and DS are all boys while DD and I are girls... just so you know...


Uh huh . . . . . . you just keep telling yourself that.

Joshie likes to feed the dogs - because he/she likes to eat the food too!

Soulsurvivor started a new annual event in his area - The Polar Bear plunge into the pond on their property. But SS thought writing about the event in his diary would get the word out. Oddly enough, SS was offended that nobody showed up. He plunged in anyway. Sadly, SS thinks the plunge is a day long event, so he is still in there.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Poor Michael is so confused. No, Michael, SS hasn't yet had his/her sex change operation. She is still a girl at this point. Michael, are you still a boy?


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Ping ! goes the little mallet that rings the little bell 
That activates the brain cell in Michael W Smith's head.

Did you hear something?
Nah, not me.

Apparently Joshie heard it though. Sorry about that Joshie. You're quick today.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

SS has the little mallet in Michael's head confused with the bell the mouse in the wheel rings when its hungry. The reason you haven't heard it lately is cus the mouse is dead. That's why Michael has been acting so much like Clovis lately.


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

FaithFirst has a substantial mouse problem in his house which is getting worse. He can't figure it out - he baits all the mouse traps with peanut butter and the next morning, the peanut butter is gone, but there is no mouse.
FaithFirst doesn't know you have to SET the trap too!


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Michael W Smith remote views mice minds. He can tell you how many mice are on your property, if they prefer pb or cheese, even cookies, and if they prefer to live indoors or outdoors. He's worked for years as a contractor to Disney and has an impressive resume.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

Psst. I have a secret to tell. SS is scared to death of MWS. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone but her real name is Minnie as in Mouse, you know!


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie posts a selfie a day of herself and her American Girl doll. Of course they always wear matching outfits. My favorite was when they wore cowgirl outfits and visited the Canadian Mounties.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

Are you sure they didn't mount the Canadians? Sorry, got that backwards. SS isn't allowed to visit Canada. She offends the polite people because she thinks they're all a 'little off' in the head because they ARE so polite.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

FaithFirst has a thriving business of installing gutters. By simple word of mouth he has customers lined up until next year to take advantage of his gutter expertise. 

As his business motto says "No Roof Too High. We Gutter to the Stars." And then there's this cute photo of him dangling off the end of a crescent moon holding a hammer and a gutter.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

Pretty impressive as I am scared stupid of heights eh? SS forages for roots like a wild pig. Nose first!


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

FaithFirst does stand up comedy. He stands up.


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

soulsurvivor's favorite dinner will soon be cooking at her place. She always looks forward to Spring. As soon as she hears the Spring Peepers, she quietly goes down to the pond and catches them. She then heats up a skillet and dumps them in one at a time - live.

The SPCA has been to her house several times and fined her.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Michael W Smith hosts a cooking club in his kitchen every Saturday morning. Tomorrow he will be demonstrating how to use a bubble wand to make donut holes. Admission is $5 and you must bring a covered dish, enough to feed 6 people. I'm bringing a layered salad of foraged roots and crunchy fried peepers.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS is so afraid of losing her silverware that she hangs a fork from her nose ring.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie is so magnetic she attracts submarines.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

....and SS's fork. She follows me around like a puppy. I think it must be for all those doggie treats I keep giving her.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

What can I say? They're better than foraged roots.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

SS once had to go the ER because her nose ring got caught in her BF's braces.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

FaithFirst walks around with a battery operated light bulb so he can walk up to people and tell them they need to get a light bulb moment. He's discovered there are certain venues where this isn't thought to be funny. . . Walmart, police station, Captain D's, courthouse, gas station, truck stop, church women's wednesday evening quilting circle, insurance office, and bank. The ER has notified him that he's no longer eligible for glass shard removal.


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

SS is trying to figure out how to get FF's light bulb to stick to the top of her head so people think she has an idea. SS, does your husband know about that boyfriend FF says you have?


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Joshie is a few shades of green today for St Paddy Day. She thought it would be cute to eat all green food while dressed as a green shamrock. She's available for shared selfie photos in town square from 2 pm to happy hour this afternoon. Oh, and she said to bring gold.


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

In honor of St. Patrick's day, soulsurvivor only ate foods that are green today.

Today he has eaten lettuce, green beans, green tomatoes, peas, and something that was sitting WAY in the back of the fridge. Oddly enough, whatever the thing in the back of the fridge was apparently didn't used to be green, because soul survivor is now in the emergency room. The hospital ER staff didn't really know what to do other than to make the bad food come back up.

It's not a pretty sight in the ER. There is green puke ALL over. Who knew someone could projectile vomit so far?


----------



## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

MWS still hasn't figured out the differences between boys and girls. Psst. Today is Joshie's birthday eve. I'm really, really old now. By the way, that is a lie.


----------



## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

Wishing you an awful birthday. That is a lie.


----------



## FaithFirst (Nov 2, 2013)

Joshie said:


> MWS still hasn't figured out the differences between boys and girls. Psst. Today is Joshie's birthday eve. I'm really, really old now. By the way, that is a lie.


50? You can be proud of 50 joshie.


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

For each one of his birthdays FaithFirst has everyone sign a white cloth autograph hound using the special marker. He has these displayed in a glass cabinet along with a collection of his well worn and preserved Bass Weejuns penny loafers.


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Sorry soulsurvivor. I was thinking back to your college days when you pretended to me a man. Soulsurvivor is the orginal Yentl!


----------



## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

MWS works as a bartender on a cruise ship. In mixed company he claims he got his start on The Love Boat.


----------



## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Everyday soul survivor goes to her job. But the sad fact is, no one will hire her. She just goes into a company or business and just starts working. It's caused quite a scene in these places when the manager comes to ask her what she is doing and ss says "Working."

Today she decided to work at Burger King and went in, got behind the counter and told the manager she was the new employee. She started working and all was well until the new employee that was starting today came in an hour later. The manager had to call 911 and they police had to forcibly remove her.

Of course, all these business's get restraining orders against her - so her number of future "employers" is getting pretty slim. And of course, her selection of places to eat out and getting just as slim.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

MWS is a professional log roller. He's taken top prize in the lumberjack games annually and has the trophies to prove it. Yep, just one more thing to look at in his glass cabinet collection of personal bests.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Soulsurvivor has started a grassroots campaign to support Spiro Agnew and Sarah Palin as Presidential candidates for the 2016 race.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

clovis has given me full approval and will be printing up our campaign posters that picture Spiro and Sarah pointing in different directions while saying "I Can See Russia Clearly From Here".


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Bret said:


> Wishing you an awful birthday. That is a lie.


Bret always tells the truth. That is a lie.


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

Who killed this thread? Soulsurvivor or me? Or, did it die of natural causes? Or is this the end of combinations of truth?


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Bret said:


> Who killed this thread? Soulsurvivor or me? Or, did it die of natural causes? Or is this the end of combinations of truth?


Yes Alex, I'll take "Thread Killers" for $100.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

soulsurvivor, sorry "Thread Killers" is $500.00.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

MWS finally got called down for the Price Is Right bidding and blew it when he bid 80 thousand million dollars for a cruise to Aruba.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Soulsurvivor is pretty confused about this ISIS thing.

She thinks that ISIS is the plural version of 'ice.'

All week long, she's been saying stuff like "Them thare bridges ISIS up first" and "if we get two winter storms, them ISIS are going to make the purtiest ice cycles you ever did see."


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

clovis has donated the use of his best laying hen to the Supreme Court:

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tug71xZL7yc[/ame]


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## Cash (Apr 24, 2007)

This is a funny thread. I like it!

Soul survivor makes her dogs wear funny costumes.


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## unregistered358967 (Jul 17, 2013)

Cash gets mad because gumball machines don't take credit cards.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Jax-mom loves cash.
Cash loves Jax-mom.


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## Cash (Apr 24, 2007)

Soul Survivor only posts 15-year-old photos of herself on Facebook.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

They've taught Cash to drop crumbs when he takes long walks.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Soulsurvivor has nearly driven herself crazy trying to find the Islamic State on a map of the United States.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Clovis recently purchased an old absentee ballot because he thought the X on the signature line was a mark on a treasure map.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Even though she has been asked several times not to make change from the church collection plate, Soul still does, just about every week.


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## Michael W. Smith (Jun 2, 2002)

Clovis is way worse than soul at church with the collection plate. 

Clovis puts in a $5.00 and takes out a $20.00. Clovis is getting ready to launch his new investment guide "How to make $15.00 every single week for the rest of your life."


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

MWS is so frugal that he dresses up as a scarecrow and sits on his front porch swing as an outdoor Halloween decoration. . . what? really? Sorry folks but just got handed word that is MWS's normal look.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Soul is so proud of herself.

She went out today, the day after Halloween, and bought several bags of candy corn at a tremendous discount.

She has declared that she is going to be a candy corn farmer, and can't wait to plant all those seeds in the spring.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

In this week's edition of Clovis Is A Walking Talking Business (Ad)Venture, we take a look at his most recent project of advertising your in home business using the family pets called Dress Your Pet For Success. Clovis takes us through step by step on how he dresses his pet to look like a viscious guard dog:


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

While longing for the Halloween's of her past, Soul decided, this year, to hand out candy cigarettes to the trick-or-treaters.

She ran out of candy cigarettes early on, so she broke out her stash of Chesterfields, hidden deep in her closet, and passed those out instead.


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## Cash (Apr 24, 2007)

When Clovis borrows his father's Mercedes, he always fills the tank with regular instead of premium.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Be sure to take cash when you visit Cash as he charges you for parking in his driveway.


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## clovis (May 13, 2002)

Soulsurvivor likes to kick people when they are down.


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