# Mekasmom said men consider sex as part of the love



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

as in cant have one without the other, OR something like that

I posted this on another thread, which I didnt intend to, and it didnt get much response, so I repost it here

Men have that within them that causes them to seek and search out in order to find sex. They cant control it. They can reroute it, but I can tell you, so far, it hasnt gone away. Its latent in all men to varying amounts. Say, me on one end , and a sex mainiac on the other end of a scale determining the effects on men.
It lies latent while we sleep. But can be rageing at night while we are out. 
Most men try to control it, try to rise above it, as it were, but its always there, Some men just go with it and consider it a part of being a man, a blessing maybe, I was never ate up by it so much, and never considered myself to be somebody a woman would write her mom about, BUT Ive known men and worked with few that that was all that was on there mind. Ive known one or two who went to church to chec k out the women, th only place nowadays one could see them occasionally ion dresses.
MOST men realize that that demon generally hurts them when dealing with women. They have to wonder, when to try it. Are they going too fast, OR going too slow. THATS IN THE TIME FROM FIRST DATE ONWARD U PERVS LOL. They have to wonder if there capable to her, or a bumbling boring idiot. It creates a stigma to men cause they all know that women arent near as ready to have, OR want sex. A women can go out on a date and be fine without haveing sex. BUT a guy has to wonder how many dates before a woman will wonder whats wrong with him, OR HER.
Some men wait for a woman to let him know shes interested. Some women wait for a man to let her know hes interested. Whats a guy to do? WHATS YOUR THOUGHTS????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????


----------



## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Ok, Bill, you lost me at the you on one end, and a sex maniac at the other end part


----------



## Darren (May 10, 2002)

There's women that have as much of an appetite, so to speak, as men. Maybe more.  The age doesn't matter.


----------



## Judy in IN (Nov 28, 2003)

I agree that most men are floating in a sea of testosterone. Some men try to control their base urges. Some men don't try to curb their drives, or stay faithful to their vows. I will say that staying faithful is probably easier for many women. We don't have that testosterone push, plus we are usually more invested in the children, home, etc. That isn't to say all women are that way.

I will say that HHubby gets sex just about every day, and just about any way he wants it. Why? Because he treats me so well, I can't say no. There's a lesson you might not have learned, Bill.


----------



## Marshloft (Mar 24, 2008)

FBB,,, when I was married, we had sex every day, if we missed a day, we had sex twice the next day.
After we seperated I thought I'd die going with-out. But as time lingered on,, and after 6 yrs,, its just a passing thought. And yes,, you CAN control it. Don't even tell me you can't. If I can do it,, any man can I swear.
And sex by itself isn't anything anyway,,, its all about Love.
Find a woman that you can talk to,, share your heart with. Forget pullin the plow.
You got a good heart FB, I know you do.
If all you do is focus on the outside,, you'll miss the good stuff,, whats on the inside.
As far as the sex part,,, I almost feel sorry for the woman that captures my heart,, she'll be walkin bowlegged for a month.
GH


----------



## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

I have a question. 

If as mekasmom or fbb says sex is about love for men, why does the cheating husband say "it didn't mean a thing"? Can somebody square that for me? 

Jackie


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

What else could he say.

BUT. He could mean it with all his heart
Maybe, he just needed to lose some weight, to say it nicely, and any port in a Gale Storm.


----------



## wildhorse (Oct 22, 2006)

Think you nailed it Bill lol


----------



## Evons hubby (Oct 3, 2005)

Jaclynne said:


> I have a question.
> 
> If as mekasmom or fbb says sex is about love for men, why does the cheating husband say "it didn't mean a thing"? Can somebody square that for me?
> 
> Jackie


A lot of people dont hang sex and love on the same hook. Some do, others not so much. I have found this to be true with both men and women. For those "it didnt mean a thing" types, they most likely are being quite honest... they were just having a good time, with no real emotional meaning to them. At the same time I have known quite a few women, and even a few men who feel sex without love just isnt worth messing up the sheets. Those folks tend to be the ones who have difficulty with the concept of just having some fun. Me? I have always vastly preferred having fun with a woman I love.


----------



## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

Well, for what its worth fbb, my cheating ex did not say that. He said, "don't believe your lying eyes".

I suspect that a better translation than 'sex is about love', might be 'sex is about validation' for men.

And for what its worth, I believe cheating is a character flaw. You see something you want, you can't tell yourself no - that's a character flaw.
Now, there may be reasons for looking or thinking, but only excuses for acting out.


----------



## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

I love being a none.


----------



## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

Yvonne's hubby said:


> A lot of people dont hang sex and love on the same hook.


I'll buy that.

Jackie


----------



## SilverFlame819 (Aug 24, 2010)

Because every man is different? For some of them, it has nothing to do with love, but about feeling good in the moment.


----------



## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)




----------



## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

'Feeling good in the moment', thats about not being able to tell yourself no, huh?

Jackie


----------



## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

FBB - I'm sorry, I just highjacked your thread and went in another direction with it. 

Jackie


----------



## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAlN_9pbMLg[/ame]


----------



## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Bill, I think I'll have teen DD read your post so she'll get an idea of what's going on in the mind of teenage boy.

I'm not sure which smiley to use so I'll use all the ones that express what's my mind. :yuck::stars:ound::bash:

Men can have sex without relationship. Many prefer this. 

Men in relationships believe sex is important, but will remain in a sexless marriage if the woman is a good mom to his kids and meets all his other requirements of a "good wife."


----------



## SilverFlame819 (Aug 24, 2010)

I suppose that depends on if you want to tell yourself no...?


----------



## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Judy in IN said:


> I agree that most men are floating in a sea of testosterone. Some men try to control their base urges. Some men don't try to curb their drives, or stay faithful to their vows. I will say that staying faithful is probably easier for many women. We don't have that testosterone push, plus we are usually more invested in the children, home, etc. That isn't to say all women are that way.
> 
> I will say that HHubby gets sex just about every day, and just about any way he wants it. Why? Because he treats me so well, I can't say no. There's a lesson you might not have learned, Bill.


The thing about testosterone bothers me. Men who screw around don't do it because they can't help it, or because of some physiological push. They do it for the same reason women do it, because they have a serious flaw in character.


----------



## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Jaclynne said:


> FBB - I'm sorry, I just highjacked your thread and went in another direction with it.
> 
> Jackie


You are dead on.


----------



## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

SilverFlame819 said:


> I suppose that depends on if you want to tell yourself no...?


Maybe you missed that my question was in reference to a spouse, you know the supposedly committed other half of a relationship?

Jackie


----------



## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

A good friend of mine (married for 30 years) just told me last week that she and her husband haven't had sex in 10 years....they are in their 50's ...she says they have seperate bedrooms...she says she tried to entice him over the years with no success....he told her he doesn't see her in "that light" any more...they don't fight very much.....mostly get along....they went on vacation to a romantic destination last spring and she told me she was very disappointed because she thought something would happen and it didn't....she is still interested but he is not...she just makes excuses about how they are in love but it's just a mature sexless love....I didn't have the heart to tell her that I think he is cheating...he works late, goes in to work on his day off (not in work clothes), etc... etc....I guess the flame dies sometimes.....


----------



## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

vicker said:


> The thing about testosterone bothers me. Men who screw around don't do it because they can't help it, or because of some physiological push. They do it for the same reason women do it, because they have a serious flaw in character.


Yes...and that character flaw is entitlement...they do it because they feel entitled to it...they feel that for whatever reason, they are able to justify cheating...a major character flaw indeed...


----------



## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

Fair Light said:


> Yes...and that character flaw is entitlement...they do it because they feel entitled to it...they feel that for whatever reason, they are able to justify cheating...a major character flaw indeed...


I kinda think our society teaches men this entitlement. How many times have you heard 'well, boys will be boys'?

Jackie

Sorry, this answer completely left out women, and many of them cheat too.


----------



## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Jaclynne said:


> I kinda think our society teaches men this entitlement. How many times have you heard 'well, boys will be boys'?
> 
> Jackie
> 
> Sorry, this answer completely left out women, and many of them cheat too.


That doesn't go very far in explaining all of the cheating wives.


----------



## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Oops 

It is interesting in our society how the more something benefits an individual, the easier it is for them to justify it.


----------



## SilverFlame819 (Aug 24, 2010)

Aah. I suppose if you're in a relationship and don't want to tell yourself no, it's because you're both weak AND you're a jerk. 

If the sex you're having on the side "doesn't mean anything" then why are you having it? If you have to lie about it to your husband/wife, obviously it _means something_ to them, and you shouldn't be doing what you're doing.


----------



## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I, for one, have no illusion about it. If someone can betray the person they stood before God and society and swore to honor, I have no illusions about them honoring anything.


----------



## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

vicker said:


> Oops
> 
> It is interesting in our society how the more something benefits an individual, the easier it is for them to justify it.


I was correcting myself when you posted. It certainly isn't just a male downfall.

You remember the era of 'if it feels good, do it'? That let everybody off the hook.

Jackie


----------



## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

vicker said:


> I, for one, have no illusion about it. If someone can betray the person they stood before God and society and swore to honor, I have no illusions about them honoring anything.


 
Exactly.


----------



## lonelytree (Feb 28, 2008)

[YOUTUBE]DXdIcgueM4U[/YOUTUBE]

Ever hear of David Nail?


----------



## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

I may be just an old fuddy-duddy here, but *I* think sex is way, way better within that emotional bond (maybe known as "love"?)


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

FarmboyBill said:


> as in cant have one without the other, OR something like that
> 
> I posted this on another thread, which I didnt intend to, and it didnt get much response, so I repost it here
> 
> Men have that within them that causes them to seek and search out in order to find sex. They cant control it.


To a certain degree I agree with you.
Only because our society has programmed men that sex is the end all beat all.
Men are trained from birth that society's expectation of them is to satisfy the lust of their eyes and the the lusts in their hearts.
I have seen dad's make GROSSLY inappropriate comments about women, to their 10 year old son's. 
Dad's taking their 10 year old's to Hooters and acting like animals.
Monkey see, monkey do.

It's not that they 'can't physically' control it.
It's that they have been programmed to "go for it".



> They can reroute it, but I can tell you, so far, it hasnt gone away. Its latent in all men to varying amounts. Say, me on one end , and a sex mainiac on the other end of a scale determining the effects on men.
> It lies latent while we sleep. But can be rageing at night while we are out.
> Most men try to control it, try to rise above it, as it were, but its always there, Some men just go with it and consider it a part of being a man, a blessing maybe, I was never ate up by it so much, and never considered myself to be somebody a woman would write her mom about, BUT Ive known men and worked with few that *that was all that was on there mind*. Ive known one or two who went to church to chec k out the women, th only place nowadays one could see them occasionally ion dresses.


With the utter saturation of pornography, and the complete lack of a moral compass...yeah, you are right. There are a lot of men trapped in this lie.
In the last 40 years.....men have been stripped of their rightful place in the circle of life, and reduced to 'donors'. 
When you have it beat into your head from birth that all your 'worth' lies in your wallet and in your jeans? Well you get what you program.
It's sad.
It's not supposed to be like this.



> MOST men realize that that demon generally hurts them when dealing with women. They have to wonder, when to try it. Are they going too fast, OR going too slow. THATS IN THE TIME FROM FIRST DATE ONWARD U PERVS LOL. They have to wonder if there capable to her, or a bumbling boring idiot. It creates a stigma to men cause they all know that women arent near as ready to have, OR want sex. A women can go out on a date and be fine without haveing sex. * BUT a guy has to wonder how many dates before a woman will wonder whats wrong with him, OR HER.*
> Some men wait for a woman to let him know shes interested. Some women wait for a man to let her know hes interested. Whats a guy to do? WHATS YOUR THOUGHTS????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????


I am telling you right now.......if this is REALLY what most men think?
I'd rather live alone, in the woods, by myself, for the rest of my life.
That makes me want to puke.
Our society is sick.

I believe that there are men out there that live a life that shows their worth is not in their wallet and in their jeans. 
I believe there HAS to be honorable men, who seek more than lustful gratification.
I believe there is a Remnant.


----------



## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> I will say that HHubby gets sex just about every day, and just about any way he wants it. Why? Because he treats me so well, I can't say no.


:thumb: :thumb:

Having experienced the sting of rejection myself in the past, I'm pretty reluctant to inflict it on someone I love. 

Men make themselves vulnerable when they ask for sex. A wise woman won't hurt her man's feelings too often. 

Of course, a good man knows better than to pester her when she has the flu, or something!


----------



## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

True, but when he has to ask EVERY time, he soon either starts to obsess about it or else just give up...


----------



## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

lonelytree said:


> [YOUTUBE]DXdIcgueM4U[/YOUTUBE]
> 
> Ever hear of David Nail?


Never heard of him, but I like it.


----------



## CountryWannabe (May 31, 2004)

I think some men just consider it a challenge. I actually believed my first DH when he told me that other women didn't mean anything to him. Our love life was great, we got on extremely well, had fun - except he never met a skirt he didn't like. I have always thought that we were too young when we married. He remarried a couple or more years after our divorce and was (as far as I know) an exemplary husband after that. We remained friends for a long time, until I left the area.

Mary


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

BBT Howard was looking at skirts, and what was in them after he had met his wife to be. Penny called him on it. He said, I can drive anywhere I want, Just so I park in her garage, OR something like that.


----------



## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

FarmboyBill said:


> BBT Howard was looking at skirts, and what was in them after he had met his wife to be. Penny called him on it. He said, I can drive anywhere I want, Just so I park in her garage, OR something like that.


Or, as an old German friend told me many years ago, his wife said, "Jack, you can get hungry anywhere....but you have to come home to eat." A very nice old couple that had spent part of their youth in a concentration camp.

Mon


----------



## mekasmom (Jan 19, 2010)

Judy in IN said:


> I agree that most men are floating in a sea of testosterone.


I think that one statement explains men's strong desire for sex.
I have no idea about the rest of the OP question because I didn't understand it????


----------



## farmer9989 (Apr 22, 2008)

If love and sex don't have any thing to do with each other , then why does it matter who you have sex with.
but if sex and love are tied together why is it , it don't happen more often. 
you don't have to love to have sex 
you don' have to have sex to love

would not consider (serious flaw in character) laps in judgement .Every relationship can falter if not kept occupied or burning or what ever word you would like to use.

marriage legally a contract between I guess whoever ,not what it use to be to most.


----------



## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

Fair Light said:


> A good friend of mine (married for 30 years) just told me last week that she and her husband haven't had sex in 10 years....they are in their 50's ...she says they have seperate bedrooms...she says she tried to entice him over the years with no success....he told her he doesn't see her in "that light" any more...they don't fight very much.....mostly get along....they went on vacation to a romantic destination last spring and she told me she was very disappointed because she thought something would happen and it didn't....she is still interested but he is not...she just makes excuses about how they are in love but it's just a mature sexless love....I didn't have the heart to tell her that I think he is cheating...he works late, goes in to work on his day off (not in work clothes), etc... etc....I guess the flame dies sometimes.....


Sounds like the movie, Hope Springs.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

IF It aint broke, dont TRY TO fix it, CAUSE YOU CANT LOL


----------



## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

A person once told me that men engage in romance to get sex and women engage in sex to get romance. I'm not convinced.

Perhaps our evoloution has created an inequality? The pre-historic man that nailed everything that moved had a lot more offspring to carry those traits into the future.
But a steady stream through a woman's tent reduced the stability of a food supply of a family when compaired to a family unit with two adults. Many children with one male that is there for the long haul, would increase the survivability of her decendents.

For the past few thousand years, we have generally had laws and morality that objected to the male "free for all" and tended towards a stable family unit. But the instinct is still there.

For procreation, a woman only needs to be interested at ovulation. But a man needs to be ready at all times. Being all hopped up on hormones aids that readiness.

Humans are different from all other animals. We have sex outside of ovulation. It has been speculated that a broader interest in sex among women helped stabilize the family unit by insuring the hunter stuck around more often. 

Sure a lot to speculate on. 

If the Vikings passed their DNA into the future by rape and pillage, wouldn't there be remnents of violent sex in our population today?


----------



## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> Every relationship can falter if not kept occupied or burning or what ever word you would like to use.


The French have a pretty astute saying, IMO -- "When sex leaves a marriage, it usually goes elsewhere." Yup!


----------



## Centralilrookie (Jul 12, 2012)

The meeting of two people's minds is what really constitutes good sex. Anything less than that is a futile attempt at self fulfillment. It is sad that so many other diversions in ones life can ruin the bond that should in fact make them stronger.


----------



## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:donut:

You are not a rookie.

:donut:


----------



## mekasmom (Jan 19, 2010)

willow_girl said:


> Men make themselves vulnerable when they ask for sex. A wise woman won't hurt her man's feelings too often.


That is very wise advice.


----------



## mekasmom (Jan 19, 2010)

Centralilrookie said:


> The meeting of two people's minds is what really constitutes good sex.


I don't think that men sit and worry about what exactly is on their wife's mind and how they can relate to it everytime they desire to have sex with their wife.


----------



## Evons hubby (Oct 3, 2005)

mekasmom said:


> I don't think that men sit and worry about what exactly is on their wife's mind and how they can relate to it everytime they desire to have sex with their wife.


Oh c'mon, you know the only reason men have sex at all is to please their wives! Gotta keeper happy dontcha know!


----------



## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

...

I don't think that is what he was referring to at all.

...


----------



## Centralilrookie (Jul 12, 2012)

I will agree with you on that point. But that is where both parties need to put their troubles aside and concentrate on each other for a few precious moments. Our troubles will still be there later. For the moment lets be all we can be for each other.


----------



## cindybode (Oct 5, 2002)

Both men and women have, in general, gotten so far away from God's design for marriage that it's not even funny. Women are told to shut up and pray no matter what their husband is doing or not dong. Men are allowed to get away with behaving like self centered two year olds. 

Yes, men can control their physical desires if they choose to. Period. It's just that some men don't choose to.


----------



## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

Statistics prove that in the last ten years, a much higher percentage of women cheat. I dont know how to post a ink, but google it. 

I think cheating on either side, has very little to do with sex.


----------



## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I would imagine the studies show a much higher of women who _ admit_ to cheating. It takes two to tango.


----------



## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

Hm, I just wanted to throw in here, we are not the only animal that has sex outside of ovulation. Monkeys are notorious.

The one man/one woman, mongamous long term relationship has a lot of its existance and ongoing supoprt from the Christian tradition. The idea of love in a marriage, romance and all that, has an even shorter general history(not saying it never happened before) in the last few hundred years.

Anthropologically speaking, I disagree with the base model of the LTR of a man/woman providing a stable environment to raise kids. If you look at tribes today(or read any old accounts)it's the VILLAGE that provides stablity and a collective raising up. Adults could could certainly have had favorite sexual partners, or as in some Native American tribes make unions--but as soon as the union isn't good for the woman she send the guy walking(Sioux). 

It's a beautiful thing that the Jewish/Christian(and others) traditions hold the sexual love relationship as a metaphor for love between the Creator and the Created. Notice I said sexual love relationship. Paul in the NT wraps it up in a one man one woman thing. It may be that he used the one man/one woman married option as a the "best" metaphor to illustrate Christ and the Church...maybe we misunderstood that "best example of" as "ONLY good thing to do" and threw out other options...it's obvious in the bible that back then men had several wives. And that there are accounts of deep bonding love between other combinations/situations. God even used incest to carry on the Jewish lineage(i think it's in the story of Lot, after S/G). 

Marriage as an institution has had ebb and flow through time. I'll risk sounding a raging fem by saying it also has oppressed a lot of people. In the vein of "what about the cannibal on the desert island that never heard of Jesus" I will say that the important thing, through the ages, as a human animal, has been love and friendship of the collective, that ensures survival. The ones who hunt and fight die a lot...LTR for most of the years humans have been on earth have been scarce in reality. Plain ol lust, and love, has kept us having babies and keepin on. The Creator flat out made us that way.

And I can say, from my pastor wife days, that a lot of grief and nastiness happened when people gor prudish and high and mighty about sex--amazing skeletons in the closet.


----------



## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

FarmboyBill said:


> as in cant have one without the other, OR something like that
> 
> I posted this on another thread, which I didnt intend to, and it didnt get much response, so I repost it here
> 
> ...


Most men don't know how to love. That is why they sleep around. The good ones are the ones that don't look at it as a conquest.


----------



## mickm (Jul 23, 2010)

vicker said:


> I would imagine the studies show a much higher of women who _ admit_ to cheating. It takes two to tango.


My only point was, that its an individul thing, not one sex or the other.

To me it has nothing to do with marriage, religion etc.... It has to do with honesty.

There is never an excuse for cheating, in any kind of relationship.


----------



## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

mickm said:


> Statistics prove that in the last ten years, a much higher percentage of women cheat. I dont know how to post a ink, but google it.
> 
> I think cheating on either side, has very little to do with sex.


Don't tell Cindybode. Some think it is the guys that cheat and wives are home praying or something. I think women keep quiet about it more often, guys either talk or get careless and get found out.


----------



## Centralilrookie (Jul 12, 2012)

Somebody in a earlier post mentioned skeletons in the closet. I hate to tell you that my closet has double doors, theater seating and a popcorn machine. The challenge now is not to make the same stupid mistakes that I have in the past.


----------



## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Centralilrookie said:


> Somebody in a earlier post mentioned skeletons in the closet. I hate to tell you that my closet has double doors, theater seating and a popcorn machine. The challenge now is not to make the same stupid mistakes that I have in the past.


 I don't repeat mistakes, just as I didn't repeat grades in school.

I tried to teach my kids that smart people learn from other people's mistakes. If they're going to make mistakes, be original!


----------



## cindybode (Oct 5, 2002)

haypoint said:


> Don't tell Cindybode. Some think it is the guys that cheat and wives are home praying or something. I think women keep quiet about it more often, guys either talk or get careless and get found out.


LOL no, I don't think that. I know that women cheat too. I just believe that they cheat for different reasons than men do. 

My beliefs on this particular topic would take quite a bit of explanation, and I didn't want to take over the thread. Since the original question seemed to be whether or not men can control themselves, that's what I responded to.


----------



## SilverFlame819 (Aug 24, 2010)

Laura, I've learned way too much from others' mistakes. I gotta say though... When you learn from others' mistakes so thoroughly, it makes your own life kinda boring. Speaking from experience.


----------

