# "NEED" a Mate versus "WANT" a mate (or partner) Post SHTF



## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

We all have the luxury of being very choosy in selecting a mate (partner) largely because life (today) in America, does not depend on having a Mate/Partner in order to survive.

I often thunk about how rapidly that will shift in a long term Dangerous SHTF environment. 

Thoughts.........???


----------



## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

I think the best prep item a person can have is a good partner.


----------



## painterswife (Jun 7, 2004)

There is nothing more important that support in tough times. Happy to have mine even if it took me a long time to find him.


----------



## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

I'm too set in my ways to compromise and worry about others feelings, I like company that knows when it's time to leave.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Nothing better tyhan having the right partner when SHTF, or ANYTIME for that matter.

nothing worse than having the wrong partner when SHTF OR anytime for that matter

AND its 10 times easier, AT LEAST to find the wrong one than to find the right one.

AND

After finding enough wrong ones, I gotta agree with dad


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Sourdough said:


> We all have the luxury of being very choosy in selecting a mate (partner) largely because life (today) in America, does not depend on having a Mate/Partner in order to survive.
> 
> I often thunk about how rapidly that will shift in a* long term Dangerous SHTF environment*.
> 
> Thoughts.........???


I now live in Hurricane land. Less than 10 min from the Gulf.

Want -vs- Need 

As a female over 40, not quite 50, I am definitely not 25.
So running on 1 or 2 hours of sleep, consecutive days would not bode well for anyone.
Lifting, working, boarding up, cleaning up, etc would go by MUCH quicker w/ that second back and set of hands.
That extra set of eyes and hands could save my life. And theirs.

Human touch. Never, ever underestimate the power of human touch. 
One hug could change that guy who's standing on the ledge.
Someone getting a hold of your hand to help you up, or comfort you can energize you for days.
Sorry.....Human touch and shelter are about the same.
You can go a few days w/o it, but eventually the 'elements' will get the better of you if you don't have it.

Someone to talk to. To encourage, to encourage you.
I have been here 14 days, and the dogs are ready for someone to come visit so I will stop talking to them. 
I now know why people would come to my bar, and talk my ear off: they're lonely.

So 2 sets of eyes and hands, 2 brains and brawn are better than one.
From this females perspective.


----------



## painterswife (Jun 7, 2004)

oneraddad said:


> I'm too set in my ways to compromise and worry about others feelings, I like company that knows when it's time to leave.


That is the best part. When you find the right one you both feel that way and get to laugh about it together.


----------



## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

I've lived secluded for 8 years and couldn't imagine living any other way now. These guys show up 2-3 days a week and give me all the hugs and kisses I can handle. I see one of my four kids ever couple days, plus I have a friend or two show up every week. That's plenty of human contact for me. It wasn't my plan, I thought I'd be married till I died, but I can't complain how it's turned out.


----------



## painterswife (Jun 7, 2004)

I lived alone for 40 years. He did as well. You might not miss it. You might be able to live without it. I can actual say that is much better to share. You don't need to be connected at the hip. He even has his own studio and I have my office so we can get the requisite alone time we are used to and need.


----------



## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

Well I wasn't alone, I was busy raising kids. But hey, it could change tomorrow if the right person showed up, I don't know what I future holds. I was happily married for 14 years and happy for ten plus years being a single Dad. I've been happy alone on a mountain for 8 years and I'll probably be happy the next 10 or more. 

Was I lonely when I first moved up here, certainly. I used to ride the quad down the road and just look at the freeway and the community below. I haven't done that in 7 years.


----------



## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

Guess I was thinking of a more worse SHTF environment, along these lines, or other Aweful long term unpleasant survival conditions. https://news.yahoo.com/islamic-state-uses-theology-justify-rape-enslavement-yazidi-123758953.html

What I was actually thinking of was the young lady in the book "One Second After" who wants to get into the compound. She is very attractive and finely dressed, but disheveled from the journey from Charlotte. And she is stating that she has an MBA from Harvard, and is senior vice president of marketing at what ever big back is headquartered in Charlotte, NC. She is told they don't have room. She say's she is defenseless against the roaming gangs, etc.

Anyway, does not have to be that horrific. Just that now we can be choosy. How would being choosy shift if we were thrown back into a 1899 living environment post EMP event.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Dad, I think that at least for me, and maybe for you too, that we consciously (me) and unconsciously put up a wall, that we think/hope women will think is unbreakable, but I think that we know different. We hope the right woman who thinks were the right one for them will try the walls and find out what they really are. But I guess the walls look really formidable. When one trys and punches a hole in them, and peeks inside our hearts we hurry to patch up that hole.


----------



## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

I don't have a SHTF plan, just as I don't carry a gun. I try and focus on the positives and not doom and gloom as if something bad was gonna happen. If something bad did happen, someone bigger and badder would just come take my stuff anyway, so why worry about it.


----------



## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

Sooooooo, Do I understand that rather than compromise what you quest for in a mate, you would choose to loose everything, including your life......??? To reduce it to it's most basic: You would choose death over compromise reference a perfect (or near perfect) mate..........????? Yes/No



oneraddad said:


> I don't have a SHTF plan, just as I don't carry a gun. I try and focus on the positives and not doom and gloom as if something bad was gonna happen. If something bad did happen, someone bigger and badder would just come take my stuff anyway, so why worry about it.


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Sourdough said:


> Guess I was thinking of a more worse SHTF environment, along these lines, or other Aweful long term unpleasant survival conditions. https://news.yahoo.com/islamic-state-uses-theology-justify-rape-enslavement-yazidi-123758953.html
> 
> What I was actually thinking of was the young lady in the book "One Second After" who wants to get into the compound. She is very attractive and finely dressed, but disheveled from the journey from Charlotte. And she is stating that she has an MBA from Harvard, and is senior vice president of marketing at what ever big back is headquartered in Charlotte, NC. She is told they don't have room. She say's she is defenseless against the roaming gangs, etc.
> 
> Anyway, does not have to be that horrific. Just that now we can be choosy. *How would being choosy shift if we were thrown back into a 1899 living environment post EMP event.*


I don't think it would be any different.
Who do I trust today? No one. 
Who would I give my address to, allow in my home, allow around my kids today? No one.
Etc.

In a 'survival' situation, you have to my gut calls. 
You pray, and go w/ your gut (in my world that's the discernment the Spirit gifts Believers). 
And you sleep w one eye open and your finger on the bang bang button for a while :clap:
Lord have Mercy I hope I meet at the VERY least a bestest best friend soon!!!


----------



## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Many of us lived with the enemy within our gates and the SHTF every day. Once free from that we're not too eager to jump into it again, especially seeing who's out there shopping for consumables.


----------



## RichNC (Aug 22, 2014)

I looked through here and the dating sites, and I have come to realize at my age, the only person I want is my wife, but that isn't going to happen, and I am pretty happy with my little farm, chickens and such. I have coffee in town once a week with some other old fellas, and they for the most part feel the same way.

SHTF, and most likely I will die, I do have a good amount of stored food, but I am really to old to be on the run and living in the woods, even if I found a good partner she wouldn't be able to either...so heck, I have lived a good life if I die I die...no wories.


----------



## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

It's not that I won't compromise in what I want, it's that I won't compromise the way I am. I've done what ever I've wanted, when ever I've wanted without the worry of others feelings besides my children since 1991. I like my time with myself and I don't want others to interfere. 

I enjoy the company of visitors once in awhile, but that's about it. If I thought I needed someone to help me succeed up here, I'd move so I wasn't a burden.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Rich, You and dad together say about what all I feel.


----------



## RichNC (Aug 22, 2014)

FarmboyBill said:


> Rich, You and dad together say about what all I feel.


Then why do keep talking about dating sites and such? Also, I married the love of my live and I miss her every minute of the day and night.


----------



## Oldshep (Mar 28, 2015)

I've done it alone and with a mate. It can work either way. There's advantages and drawbacks to both. Another person can be a drag that doubles your work load, or a helper that cuts it in half.

Having my wife and son to think about if SHTF would certainly motivate me to do whatever it takes. But the pressure and the sense of responsibility could wear me down or cause me to make mistakes. 

Likewise, having one mind and one direction is a big advantage over being "split" in your goals and approach to problems. On the other hand sometimes 'two heads are better than one'. Very difficult to know which scenario would play out better.

Its six in one hand half dozen in the other.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I can see it as a balance scale. u know, the kind where the upright supports the cross brace with 2 plates hanging from it.

We can put weight in one or the other to no avail. IF the upright isn't perfectly centered, then theres no way to put equal amounts of weight on the plates and get them to balance out.
That upright is our spouse. It all depends on where they are in the scheme of things that matters, and being a success or being a failure hinges all on that one point/thing.

Most people will not find someone who is in perfect balance with them, and so, most people will never know true happiness or success.


----------



## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

Pre-SHTF..........I want but don't need a mate/partner.

Post-SHTF.........My security and quality of life would be HIGHLY enhanced by having a mate/partner.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

As to your last, A partner who realizes how much they need you for their survival


----------



## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

FarmboyBill said:


> As to your last, A partner who realizes how much they need you for their survival


Well said, Bill!


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Thank you kindly.


----------



## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

It might take the SHTF for a mate to find me lol. Certainly many would be clamoring to get "in" and provide whatever value they feel like they had at the moment...to get at my canned apple cobbler.

Everything is easier with more than one. What is the name of that book? Yeah cheaper by the dozen. I'd probably have a bevy of strong men on my stead working along to make it work.

But if not, I'll have my family and after that I don't much care. Those are hands enough and the most important ones.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I think that if that did happen, which I think it wont in our time, that family would get together at the place deemed best advantageous, and most likely a big farm. Those in that family that didn't want to have anything to do with farming would likely find some friends or co workers to try to make do with.


----------



## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

My family has "base camp"...aka grandma's house, which will be my house officially soon. All roads lead back to base camp where all of us know how it works, where things are out in the woods and etc. 

We aren't exactly expecting SHTF, but it's always the go to in life when stuff isn't working out and is our fall back plan. We've all been back there once or twice when necessary - why start a new thing.


----------



## Fennick (Apr 16, 2013)

Post SHTF I might want a partner, might need a partner (hopefully I'll never need to find out) ..... but I definitely wouldn't want or need a mate. So, because I wouldn't be accepting anyone as a mate, if I had a partner it wouldn't make any difference to me if it was a man or a woman, one's as good as the other for all practical partnership purposes. And I think it would be a lot easier to find good partners than any kind of mates anyway, and more to pick and choose from.


----------



## Terri (May 10, 2002)

"Need" vs "want"?

Last night I watched "Naked and afraid", and the 2 of them were griping about the other person the entire time She was ticked that he did not spend more time looking for food and he was ticked because she did not spend more time looking for firewood. At the end of the show both of their "survival scores" dropped quite a bit.

I know that some of our ancestors married because they needed a mate, but I think the cost of such a pairing is potentially very high.


----------



## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

This is in my opinion the core weakness of groups working together in a post SHTF survival environment. It will take very strong leadership and stern disciplinary action to keep the group together. I am talking here about much larger groups than two or twenty people.




Terri said:


> "Need" vs "want"?
> 
> Last night I watched "Naked and afraid", and the 2 of them were griping about the other person the entire time She was ticked that he did not spend more time looking for food and he was ticked because she did not spend more time looking for firewood. At the end of the show both of their "survival scores" dropped quite a bit.
> 
> I know that some of our ancestors married because they needed a mate, but I think the cost of such a pairing is potentially very high.


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Hmmmm I think I would "want" a partner going through (potentially) my first hurricane, but I (right now) don't 'need' one. 
I have my Jack Russell Terriers.


----------



## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

Laura, hurricanes are awesome! I watched the Daytona pier wash right out into the ocean- Mother Nature sure had a blast that day!


----------



## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Laura Zone 10 said:


> Hmmmm I think I would "want" a partner going through (potentially) my first hurricane, but I (right now) don't 'need' one.
> I have my Jack Russell Terriers.


Gotta love those Jack Russell Terrorists!


----------



## debd0712 (Aug 23, 2005)

I do not "need" a mate, but certainly would like one. I am running a farm by myself, and it is not easy. However, I prefer my farm life to living in town or playing games by any means. I will wait and see what comes into my life. Very difficult meeting someone like minded, especially at my age (61 unfortunately). I will not "settle" for someone just to not be alone. Being alone is much preferable to being with the wrong person. Been there, done that, experienced enough to not wish to repeat it.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Couldnta said it better deb


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Well kids we are about to find out if I "need" a mate or not.......
Tropical Storm Erika is on her way......


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Buckle down the puppies. youd hate to lose them lol


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

FarmboyBill said:


> Buckle down the puppies. youd hate to lose them lol


I JUST bought 2 life jackets w/ handles for the dogs!!


----------



## Snow Leopard (Oct 18, 2011)

With Google Earth everything is locatable, so hiding is not an option for a working homestead WSHTF. Your potential problems likely already know where you are.

Almost no one has bulletproof walls, a fireproof building, or the manpower to keep marauders out of rifle range while continuing to work their farm. So how do you actually defend a working homestead with less than a platoon when SHTF? And if you might be able to put together that platoon, how many homesteads do you need to sustain it?

Yes, two is way better than one, but still woefully inadequate. You can hardly keep a one person watch, 24/7, that way while getting anything done, and a one person watch will fail. Yes, livestock guard dogs, geese and radio alarms will help some but not enough.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Thing is, they can drone you to death. Bomb the buildings at night, with or without you in them. Pen you down in the daytime and then send cheap inexpensive bombs with a stick of dynamite to blow you from your hideing spot.


----------



## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

FarmboyBill said:


> Thing is, they can drone you to death. Bomb the buildings at night, with or without you in them. Pen you down in the daytime and then send cheap inexpensive bombs with a stick of dynamite to blow you from your hideing spot.


Only if they are truely, nit picking.

Mon


----------



## Snow Leopard (Oct 18, 2011)

FarmboyBill said:


> Thing is, they can drone you to death. Bomb the buildings at night, with or without you in them. Pen you down in the daytime and then send cheap inexpensive bombs with a stick of dynamite to blow you from your hideing spot.


I'm thinking a 10 ga loaded with ball bearings could take care of drones. "Course you really need full auto shotguns and radar aiming to do that real well, but even if it was legal, who could afford.

I wasn't thinking of fighting the current government. That would b hopeless even if we still had the right to keep arms. (Arms are the tools needed to wage war) we don't though, and most of us don't have enough arms and personnel to defeat a mid sized group of semi-organized predators.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Id like to see you spot and shoot them at midnight, OR when your being shot at by the military/hordes? that were specificially after you.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Seems like this posting turned into the home defense/survival forums


----------



## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

That is the way of most relationships at some point............:bash:



FarmboyBill said:


> Seems like this posting turned into the home defense/survival..........


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

LOL lol


----------



## Snow Leopard (Oct 18, 2011)

FarmboyBill said:


> Id like to see you spot and shoot them at midnight, OR when your being shot at by the military/hordes? that were specificially after you.


While I have a little military (and other) training and experience, the point was that by myself or with one partner/mate, while running a homestead, I/we have little chance against the "horde" whether specifically after me/us or not, even with good equipment; even if they have minimal training. Neither do those better trained in most normal circumstances, unless they get very lucky. 

eep:


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

That's about it SL


----------

