# Mother's Day, from a server's perspective



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

I am going to share with you my Mother's Day serving experience. I'm not 'making this up'.......this was a snapshot of my day.
(SIDE NOTE: I am a mother of 3 children. They are all between 17-20, so they are not babies, but they are my children, thus making me a mom!)

I show up to work at 9 am. We have 1.5 hours to prep before the doors open. I work at a very upscale hotel that is serving brunch.
35.00 for everyone 12 and up.
16.00 for everyone 4-12
No senior discount.

The ball room is set, the buffets are set......oodles of different food choices, oodles of different desert choices.

I have 2 tables. A 10 top and a 17 top. My 10 sits. Clearly 3 mom's at the table. Two young, one older. 3 men at the table. Clearly husbands of the women. Then the kids...........2 that are under 4, and 2 that are 5-7.
Everyone had on their pretty dresses, and their suits, and they had their hair done........
And the children ran around the table. They spilled water, juice, syrup, and strawberry glaze all over the table, and floor. 
The women at the table looked fried. The men at the table looked like "wow I'm gonna get it when we get home". And the kids were covered in food.....like the table cloth and the floor.
This whole table, looked miserable. No one wanted to be there......and they spent over 250.00 to be miserable.

Onto my 17 top
Adults at one end, kids at the other. Kids ran me ragged "Can i have this, I need that, bla bla bla"......Adults at the other end must have been hung over because they were drinking coffee and water like it was the last drop on the planet.....
Once again, the kids had made a MONSTEROUS mess. Chocolate (from the fondue) everywhere. Mixing food as experiments. Mixing them in water glasses.....food ground into the carpet.....these kids were ranging in age from 7-13. Nice.

Then my 5 top.
Mom dad, 2 sons, 1 gf.
Mom and dad arrived first, and asked me to remove the extra glasses on the other side of the table so that their 'guests' HAD to sit close to them.
Two sons did not want to be there. Kept checking their phones, kept getting up to take calls (boys are early 20's). Dad ran my backside off for this that and the other. Mom begged boys to stay on more than one occasion.....dad tipped me 9.00 on a 190.00 tab.
Boys got up left, mom's heart was broken.

Another server, the only other "mom" working with me this day, got a table. Originally the reservation was for 18. They showed up with 11. When they got to the table the "mom" (IE PRINCESS) bursts into tears because the table was too big, and we needed to make it smaller right now.
So we rush to make the table "smaller". Now everyone is elbow to elbow....
This woman was MEAN to the other server. Bossed her, sassed her, ran her butt off. Let her kids TRASH the table and the floor. She was loud and obnoxious, critiquing every bite she took (and trust me she had taken a lot of bites in her lifetime).
When this "PRINCESS mom" got up to go to the bathroom......everyone at the table was glad for the break. No one wanted to be there with her. So when she got back everyone put on their smiles and straightened up for more of her lunacy. 
Oh, and yeah, the server??? After all the running, and fetching and cowtailing..........10%. Yep. 10% gratuity.

Did you notice, all the table moving and silverware manipulation. Trying to make everyone "close"....or at least put on the show for everyone in the room, how close they are......FAKE FAKE FAKE. 

I'd like to say this is a motel no tell, in a run down neighborhood, full of folks that don't have money or do not know how to tip.
But that would be a lie.
These folks dine out ALL THE TIME.......they don't 'cook at home'.....and they have the money.

What's my point?
Over all, the people who dined with us...didn't want to be with the people at their tables. You could sense the ackwardness, the uncomfortableness, and the desire really to be anywhere but there.
You do the math........this was NOT a cheap event. 
A table of 10 adults cost 350.00 plus tax, plus gratuity.
And for what? Hotel food, in a room full of people you don't know, and worse, at a table with people you don't want to be around.
Then, you treat your server like dirt, and guess what? She's working on Mother's Day to take care of you so that you can provide your unpleasable wife a 'wonderful experience' to which you failed miserably in her eyes.

What a big fat stupid waste of time and money. I left at 4:00 ONLY because boss had mercy on me and the other mom working.
We had three 2:00 reservations show up at 2:45 that were STILL SITTING AT THE TABLES EATING at 4:00pm.
Again......it's their world, come when you please, leave when you please.......we are all here to serve your every whim.
I loathe hallmark holidays of expectations. Especially when they involve dinner. This is the last Mother's Day I will ever work. What a stupid waste of time and money.

I could have put my whole garden in yesterday.....
THAT was 7 hours of my life, I will never get back.


----------



## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

I was a server for years. Yes, people generally tip less when there is a buffet. (A few think it negates the need to tip at all! Grrrr.) And yes, people generally are more stressed and frenetic on holidays. Often there is traveling involved (frequently long-distance car trips with cranky kids in the backseat) or the holiday throws together people who ordinarily don't get along. 

Most people don't realize that a server is taxed on a percentage of her receipts whether or not she receives a tip. I'm not sure what the percentage is now, but when I was in the business, it was 8 percent. So if a table ran up a $100 bill, I was taxed as if I had received an $8 tip. Didn't matter if I had actually received $20, $5 or nothing at all -- the assumption, for tax purposes, was 8 percent. 

Many customers don't know that servers are required to "tip out" or share a portion of their tips with other staff members, such as busboys. At the time I was in the industry, the "tip out" ranged from 10-20 percent depending on the restaurant. This practice enabled management to treat their busboys as tipped employees, paying them the "server minimum" -- around $3 an hour -- instead of regular minimum wage, which is $7+. Nice huh?!

That said, working a buffet *is* a lot easier! (Even if the kids make a mess. I remember that too. LOL!) And I always made really good money. I remember being sorely disappointed when I got my first full-time professional job after college, and the realization hit that I was making only about 2/3 as much as I had earned waitressing part-time. Ouch!


----------



## DKWunlimited (Sep 11, 2006)

I'm thankful that MY mother wanted grilled burgers at home and herbs for her herb garden in lue of roses!

We had a great time!


----------



## Solarmom (Jun 17, 2010)

wow, that is terrible of those people!! I always tip at least 15% sometimes more. I could never be a waitress/server as too many of my customers would probably end up wearing their meal home because they ticked me off!! LOL

Anyway, Mom of two here- I cooked dinner for us yesterday- I know better than to go out on those "Hallmark" days (I hate them too!) -just like New Years eve, too many amateurs out there!! We had a great day, dinner was good and no drama in the least!

Hopefully you will have a Mother's Day worth remembering next year!

Kris


----------



## suzyhomemaker09 (Sep 24, 2004)

Just to inform those who have no clue......

Standard gratuity is 20%...this is for adequate service....
if your server busted buns then it should be more....
if your server dig a half arsed job then reflect.
if your server really worked then tip more...


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Willow......to clarify, it was a buffet, but I had tables, and I had to get their drinks, clear their plates, and get anything else they asked for (more silver ware, napkins, etc). So there was a certain amount of table service that was above and beyond just pulling dirty plates. 

I love waiting tables.....I love doing banquets. The money is insane good (average 18-23.00 an hour) and it's a great workout!!
I loathe holiday insanity. I will have 'the flu' next year!! 

Suzy.......you are dead on right.


----------



## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

Oh, here is something else most diners don't know. If you pay your restaurant bill with a credit card, and also leave your tip on the card, the restaurant probably will deduct a merchant credit card fee from the tip. 

Say you received great service and leave your server a $10 credit card tip. But the credit card company charges the restaurant a 5% transaction fee. The restaurant will deduct that fee from the server's pay ... he or she will receive only $9.50.

So please tip in cash as often as you can!


----------



## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

suzyhomemaker09 said:


> Just to inform those who have no clue......
> 
> Standard gratuity is 20%...this is for adequate service....
> if your server busted buns then it should be more....
> ...


I often read the cooking thread cuz I like to cook when I've got time.

I've always had a problem with those who expect a gratuity because of their job. I mostly eat locally, within a few towns, several places I usally know most of the wait staff. Yeah, they're busting butt when they're busy, but you still wait.

I also work for my living... I don't get gratuities! Most of my meals are outside of home when I'm busy. Some I tip the 20%, most get the STANDARD 10%. I've heard the 20% standard, but I don't buy it! If I'm by myself it might take them 3 minutes at a max to take care of me.

A 20% gratuity requires top of the line service, which is seldom found... not "adequate".

What do you consider adequate? You make one round during a meal to see if glasses need filling? Probably not, but there are different definitions.

THere are those who hustle, and those who watch others hustle, and think they're "adequate"???


----------



## Sonshine (Jul 27, 2007)

littlejoe said:


> I often read the cooking thread cuz I like to cook when I've got time.
> 
> I've always had a problem with those who expect a gratuity because of their job. I mostly eat locally, within a few towns, several places I usally know most of the wait staff. Yeah, they're busting butt when they're busy, but you still wait.
> 
> ...


Most people who wait on tables depend on the gratuities and it's usually figured into their pay. I don't know if it's still the case or not, but years ago when I waited on tables we made less than minimum wages because they figured with tips you would make up the difference.


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Servers wage

$2.13 an hour

I am taxed on my total SALES. 
I have to keep a tip book showing how much I made in tips.
If my actual tips, do not add up to the total the government THINKS I made, then I can dispute it by producing a tip book.

Don't forget.......The server has to "tip out" the bar / food runner / busser, and sometimes the hostess. That is a percentage of her SALES. So if you get a bunch of 'cheapo's" tipping 10%.........you will work your butt off for little to nothing after you tip out and pay the government man!!

I wish folks who think "tipping and tithing" are one in the same (10%) would let the server know at the beginning of the meal they are only 10%'ers that way they can receive 10% service, and she can give 25% service to her other tables who will show their 'gratitude' at the end of the meal!!


----------



## suzyhomemaker09 (Sep 24, 2004)

littlejoe said:


> I often read the cooking thread cuz I like to cook when I've got time.
> 
> I've always had a problem with those who expect a gratuity because of their job. I mostly eat locally, within a few towns, several places I usally know most of the wait staff. Yeah, they're busting butt when they're busy, but you still wait.
> 
> ...




Look at the post between your comment and my reply....

Servers are taxed on sales...they make less than 1/2 minimum wage. One round during a meal to check a drink is not adequate service....
Server takes your order...brings beverage...places order in kitchen...brings any needed condiments to you for your meal. ( not every restaurant has a bottle of ketchup on the table all the time ) Bring you your food....check back in a few moments to make sure everything is to your liking...then again shortly after to make sure your beverage is full you don't need any extra napkins or some-such. Ideally a server will check on each customer at least 5 or 6 times during a meal. Not just once to make sure they have enough drink.


----------



## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

Really ladies, I have no trouble paying someone working/helping me. A waitress also fits in the scheme of things.

Time is money to me, and extra minutes count. as well as their personality. I use to not take breaks for a meal, but anymore I think it helps in my overall production to take a break if I'm in the general vicinity. And I go to the restaurants that serve me well. Sometimes it's just a quick sandwich or a couple slices of pizza. THe cashier/waiter/waitress has a definate impact on where I eat.

Really good help deserves the utmost you can pay, and they are hard to find, and hard to keep.People that serve you well have plans on bigger and better things to move on too. (A feller I worked for once, told me this.)And it was a ranch job! Quite a few do the minimum amount necessary, and deserve the minimum wage. Most barely maintain a job... And I'm sure you gals do much better than that!

Kudos to the bunch of you! I was just saying.....


----------



## suitcase_sally (Mar 20, 2006)

I'm with littlejoe.

Laura, I've read MANY of your posts where you are complaining about your job. Now I'm going to say what I, and many others, are thinking: FIND ANOTHER JOB!!! This OBVIOUSLY is NOT the job for you!

It is a lot like hearing a nurse complain about the patients at the hospital: "I've never seen such whiney people in my life! They actually EXPECT me to bring them a pain pill when they ring that bell!!! 

I had one man in there and all he did was complain about his missing leg! He should realize how lucky he is that BOTH of his legs didn't have to be amputated! 

And the woman in the next room was boo-hooing about her miscarriage. Well, she has 2 kids already and it's not like she is too old to try again!"

I know there will be those that are going to blast me for saying that but I don't care. You need to find another job. I wouldn't want you to wait my table. Your true attitude would be showing, a plastic smile in order to get the bucks. I suggest you find something where you don't have to work with the public.


----------



## suitcase_sally (Mar 20, 2006)

laura zone 5 said:


> i love waiting tables.....i love doing banquets. The money is insane good (average 18-23.00 an hour) and it's a great workout!!



say, what???


----------



## DamnearaFarm (Sep 27, 2007)

Not commenting on the server angle, but I sure know what you mean about Hallmark expectations. Years ago I used to manage a photography studio. I absolutely HATED the standard picture holidays (easter, christmas, etc) because we didn't get the children who were photographed on a regular basis in on those times- those folks had their pics done ahead of time and were their usual good customer selves. 

What we got at those times were the kids who only had pictures once a year. Those poor kids who were shoved in frilly, ruffled dresses or tight little suits and ill fitting shoes and expected to sit still for pictures where mom's smile was too bright because she'd been wrestling with the kids the whole time and dad's smile was pinched because he was mad at the kids and didn't want to be there. 

All because it was 'expected'. I'd much rather shoot some candid shots of REAL life of people- or loosely choreographed ones, anyway.


----------



## suitcase_sally (Mar 20, 2006)

I agree about the Hallmark thing. We already have valentine's day, now it's also "Sweetest Day" - brought to you by Hallmark.


----------



## thesedays (Feb 25, 2011)

I did this kind of work when I was in college, and oh, I do understand completely!

I'll never forget the Thanksgiving buffet when the women's basketball team at the college was going to come in, and they recruited a waitperson to do this, and it would be an automatic 15% gratuity. They never showed up, and that person was not happy about this, not to mention that the reserved table was never occupied and we may have lost some business because the area wasn't turned, and then we found out that the coach's husband had died unexpectedly.

 

Yeah, I saw plenty of instances where people really wanted to be anywhere else, doing anything else.


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

suitcase_sally said:


> say, what???


What?
I love serving.
Like every other job out there.......there are some 'dud' customers.
My 'rant' on "mothers day" is NOT so much about my choice of profession as it is a RANT on the "Hallmark holidays of Expectations".
My rant was about lazy people who do not parent.
My rant was about gross human behavior.
(Folks who work at Home Depo, who work for the DOT, who are nurses, etc see those two things just like I do!)

There was a handful of gals who totally missed the point in that post.....it's not about the profession, it's about the humans.


----------



## LoneStrChic23 (Jul 30, 2010)

I waitress at a Famous Daves.

I make $2.15 per hour.... I'm responsible for bussing my own section, sweeping after each table, giving a sauce tour to each table (I spruce this up & make it funny, generally gets me a better tip), I run my own food.... I make every desert my tables order, plus the usual drink refills, fetching bar drinks ect. ect.

I have no buss boys to help me, and at the end of my shift I sort & roll 150 silverware, wash tea pitchers, unload & stack 5 glass racks, on top of my basic section work & dusting.

I work my tail off & your darn right I expect a tip worthy of what I do.... I check to make sure my guest are hapoy with their meal & if they don't like something, I'll go head to head with a manager to get their meal replaced with something that they like...glasses never get more that 1/2 way empty, & I never slip out for a breather or hang out in the back... I constantly walk laps so I'm avaiable for anything....One Saturday I wore a pedometer on a double shift & on that day I walked 19 miles!

I love the fast pace, I love my regulars who make the day worth it.....but I do not like the Sunday church crowd, Valentines day or Mother's Day......those groups are the nastiest, rudest most difficult people to please so I refuse to work those days. Father's day isn't bad & the tips are decent so I, don't mind Father's Day...

You can burn out easily..... After 2+ years, I took a leave of absence & plan to go back in August....

Is amazing what you can learn about people when your a server....the trends & behaviors I see among different races/social classes is really interesting, and I've found that being a server really helps you see peoples true colors. 

My favorite Mothers Day server story...

I had a 12 top....mixed group, several young kids, a grandmother, the young kids parents & their siblings. I got drinks out on the table, appetizer order put in & did two sauce tours, one for each end on the table.

On the kids end (where gaudy, snotty dressed to a T grandma was) I did smiley face pictures with the sweet, kid friendly sauces & told the lil girl that this particulat sauce wasn't hot & it was my daughter's favorite.

Grandma: "Oh, you have children?"
- Yes ma'am, two actually
Grandma glances at my naked left ring finger & says "Do they have the same father?"
Rude beyond belief, but I reply politely "Yes ma'am they do, my son is his father made over"

Grandma: "Having children out of wedlock is a sin....You should feel shame for your indecentcy rather than talk to MY grandchildren of such things!"

Talk about shocked!!! I don't wear my wedding ring to work.... my husband had my great grandmother's stone recut for my wedding ring & it's too precious to wear to serve tables.....but since I didn't have a ring on, the over botoxed, gaudy hag assumed I was some sort of harlet! 

I did loose my cool, I did transfer the table to another server, and when I saw the hag 3 days later in Sam's Club I let her know exactly what I thought of her 

As long as I avoid the awful days/holidays mentioned above, I'm a pretty happy server


----------



## Becka (Mar 15, 2008)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> There was a handful of gals who totally missed the point in that post.....it's not about the profession, it's about the humans.


Laura, I totally get what you're saying, and I understand and agree that next Mother's Day, you should spend the day with those you love, doing what you love, instead of bending over backwards for ungrateful people.

It's not about the money. It's about how human behavior has sunk to such lows, how people can treat others with such a lack of respect.

I also agree with you about all the stupid Hallmark holidays that make people feel COMPELLED to do things simply because it's EXPECTED. Mother's Day, Father's Day, Sweetest Day, Grandparent's Day, Secretaries' Day. . .and on and on it goes. If you don't "do" something for the person, there will be hurt feelings, but if you do make an effort it's not because you want to, but because you have a sense of obligation. It's a crock!


----------



## Kazahleenah (Nov 3, 2004)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Did you notice, all the table moving and silverware manipulation. Trying to make everyone "close"....or at least put on the show for everyone in the room, how close they are......FAKE FAKE FAKE.


IMO.... this woman wasn't trying to appear "close" to the others.... she just didn't want everyone in the room knowing that so many failed to show for "her" big day. :teehee::whistlin:


----------



## FrodoLass (Jan 15, 2007)

suzyhomemaker09 said:


> Just to inform those who have no clue......
> 
> Standard gratuity is 20%...this is for adequate service....
> if your server busted buns then it should be more....
> ...


Wow, I thought it was 15%...20% is okay with me, it's a lot easier to figure out, LOL. I actually usually leave 20% if I get really good service. I've even tipped 100% before (loved the waitress).

I love being served. I eat out so seldom that I really appreciate the effort a server puts into making me comfortable and happy.


----------



## FrodoLass (Jan 15, 2007)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> ...the point in that post.....it's not about the profession, it's about the humans.


I get what you're saying. My kids were always well-behaved in restaurants. I cannot imagine letting them behave in a way I would not accept in my own home. My sil's kids would wreck the table at a restaurant and she would then complain about the server's "attitude." Goodness forbid if anyone would ask her to keep her children quietly at their table.

My Mother's Day was great. My boy took me and his mil to the botanical gardens and then out to eat. It was a wonderful day and I thank God every day for his loving and generous nature.


----------



## lathermaker (May 7, 2010)

I think that everyone should have to work as a server for at least one day of their life. I'll bet that would change their attitudes about how to treat people. I hate the Hallmark holidays....it rates right up there with the false Christmas.


----------



## rickpaul (Jan 10, 2013)

www.the stained apron.com


----------



## rickpaul (Jan 10, 2013)

www.thestainedapron.com


----------

