# he is up to something but what?



## wildhorse (Oct 22, 2006)

My ex told me earlier in the week that the lawyers office had called and that he had to go by there I asked what was going on was the paperwork ready and signed by the judge for the qdro order...he said he didn't know I ask him via text yesterday he didn't answer my question but wanted to come by so I assumed he had paperwork. He comes by and brings me a steak dinner for no reason I ask about paperwork he says he just had to pay lawyer ...he is lying and sucking up all the while texting the woman he got caught with...


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

wildhorse said:


> My ex told me earlier in the week that the lawyers office had called and that he had to go by there I asked what was going on was the paperwork ready and signed by the judge for the qdro order...he said he didn't know I ask him via text yesterday he didn't answer my question but wanted to come by so I assumed he had paperwork. He comes by and brings me a steak dinner for no reason I ask about paperwork he says he just had to pay lawyer ...he is lying and sucking up all the while texting the woman he got caught with...


Things are aparently looking good in your favor and he's trying to soften you up so you'll let him slide on something. You better find out what it is and protect it. 

Hope the steak was good even if the company was bad.


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## oregon woodsmok (Dec 19, 2010)

Some guys, if they bring you flowers, you know they have done something wrong and you are really going to be mad when you find out what they did. If they bring you a steak, hold onto your hat, cause it is going to be really bad.


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## oregon woodsmok (Dec 19, 2010)

Can't you call the lawyer and ask?


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## wildhorse (Oct 22, 2006)

No not really because it is his lawyer. And you think the steak was something he gave me a thousand dollars this week too and no I did not ask for it...


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## simi-steading (Sep 27, 2012)

Not sure of your state, but maybe he found out he's going to have to pay you a whole lot... or maybe he heard about Alienation of Affection and is trying to keep you from filling a suit?


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## wildhorse (Oct 22, 2006)

I guess but were not fighting I just want to move on. Still get tired of the lies thou just don't see the point in it maybe he's just trying to stay on good terms because I do have picture proof of his woman and I do have her name and phone number.


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## simi-steading (Sep 27, 2012)

He's probably hoping you'll have pity on him and you not take as much as the judge orders..


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## wildhorse (Oct 22, 2006)

I'm not trying to take anything from him...shrugs


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## Spotted Owl (Jul 5, 2010)

wildhorse said:


> I'm not trying to take anything from him...shrugs


That doesn't mean that Judge won't order anything. Sometimes that Black robe has a mind of their own and do what "THEY" see fit, not the petitioners.



Owl


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Well, I hope you froze the steak so you can give it back to him!

Mon


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

What is he hiding (asset wise: is the house worth $ / mineral rights / stock and bonds / pensions / inheritance / gold, etc)?

Could he be trying to keep you 'happy' and thinking 'this is all your idea and you just want to be free as soon as possible' so that you don't go down the "OH HECK YEAH I WANT HALF"??

Just throwing things out there.......


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## wildhorse (Oct 22, 2006)

He has a house land 3 vehicles and another woman...I have my horse kids dog and cat.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

hmmm. Maybe he just feels bad. Maybe he is realizing the other woman isn't near as good as what he had.

Guilt and regret often make people give away money and buy steaks. He might not be trying to hide or pull one over on you at all. Sounds like guilt to me.

But then again..maybe don't spend the $1000.00 in case you need your own attorney.


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## wildhorse (Oct 22, 2006)

And here we go again he ask if I'd like to join him for breakfast at the steak house
..


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## MJsLady (Aug 16, 2006)

Just say no.


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## plowhand (Aug 14, 2005)

Be careful,he might be being careful too. I've got a neighbor that just had to give his ex $10,000 dollars because he bought a new tractor the year she run off with another fella. It's been 5 years. He may be wanting you to sign something, and trying to butter you up before hand. 
I'd be awful careful what I said and agreed to.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

It used to be called softsoaping. Nowadays it's called applying the lube.

This a divorce, he is your oponent. You should not be having any conversations with him whatsoever outside the courtroom. Everything you say will be used against you, anything you accept from him will be paraded to the judge as what a good guy he is. It also shows how little you will settle for.

You get half of everything. Disengage, Dear. Keep the relationship in the courtroom where it belongs.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

wildhorse said:


> And here we go again he ask if I'd like to join him for breakfast at the steak house
> ..


Um, no. 

I remember the first Christmas after my sisters divorce. For a Christmas gift, the ex sent her a long beige coat like she had always wanted.

After she had admired it, she turned to her 3 brothers and said "What does this mean? Should I keep it?" The 3 young men looked at each other and told her "That's up to you. He is wanting to re-connect with you. Do you want to start dating him?".

She sent the coat back.

I would say that he is either trying to re-connect with you, or your first instincts were right and he is trying something. Either way I see no point in meeting with him again.

Then again, you know the man and nobody here has ever laid eyes on him. Your judgement *WILL* be better than ours!!!!!!!!!!


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## Grizz (May 11, 2002)

If it looks like a duck walks like a duck quacks like a duck IT IS A DUCK!!! Unless it is eating GMO feed Who knowes what it is!!! Any how keep ur eyes open protect what is yours!!!!


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## MJsLady (Aug 16, 2006)

Laura said:


> It used to be called softsoaping. Nowadays it's called applying the lube.
> 
> This a divorce, he is your opponent. You should not be having any conversations with him whatsoever outside the courtroom. Everything you say will be used against you, anything you accept from him will be paraded to the judge as what a good guy he is. It also shows how little you will settle for.
> 
> You get half of everything. Disengage, Dear. Keep the relationship in the courtroom where it belongs.



This should become your mantra until the final papers are signed and chiseled in stone.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Whenever my soon to be ex is being nice to me I the only thing I (now) know for sure is that it is in his best interest. Be careful.


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

sounds to me like he wants back in your pants for Christmas.....you better run.


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

Laura said:


> It used to be called softsoaping. Nowadays it's called applying the lube.
> 
> This a divorce, he is your oponent. You should not be having any conversations with him whatsoever outside the courtroom. Everything you say will be used against you, anything you accept from him will be paraded to the judge as what a good guy he is. It also shows how little you will settle for.
> 
> You get half of everything. Disengage, Dear. Keep the relationship in the courtroom where it belongs.


and amen sister Laura !!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

GOOD to see you back, Elkie!!!


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## wildhorse (Oct 22, 2006)

elkhound said:


> sounds to me like he wants back in your pants for Christmas.....you better run.


Yeah...don't see that happening...let him play with his little Mrs thing...mabe her husband wont mind......


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

wildhorse said:


> Yeah...don't see that happening...let him play with his little Mrs thing...mabe her husband wont mind......


see she is going to busy during the holidays and he will be alone and without...he wants you to fill in until the holidays are over.

he needs this...:bash::bash::bash::bash:


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Some men discover how much a divorce is going to cost them and try to recycle you back into the marriage. Reconciliation. It's a power play.

This buys them time to do some financial planning for themselves before their final exit. They will use this time sucking up to you while liquidating and siphoning all the assets into the unknown.

Really abusive men will make sure you never have the opportunity to leave them or kick them out again.


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## mekasmom (Jan 19, 2010)

WhyNot said:


> hmmm. Maybe he just feels bad.


Maybe he is having second thoughts. He loved you, and will always still have tender feelings for you.


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## Judy in IN (Nov 28, 2003)

mekasmom said:


> Maybe he is having second thoughts. He loved you, and will always still have tender feelings for you.


OH PLEASE! If he loved her, he wouldn't have done anything to hurt her. This all happened AFTER he stopped by the lawyer's office. Wake up!

For the record, take everything you are entitled to. You need the assets that YOU worked for to provide for yourself. Are you not renting? IF you had your half of the assets, you could buy a small place of your own. Laura is right--communicate only through your lawyer. Don't let him SCREW YOU while he's KISSING HER! There's a price to be paid for the shenanigans he's pulling. 

Every woman who let the ex run over them has regretted it. I do. Yet we tell the ones going through the courts and they never listen. 

ONE MORE TIME! HE is not out for you. He will screw you as much as you will let him, and not in a good way. YOU need your assets to provide for yourself and your children, especially the special needs one. THINK ABOUT IT!


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Just ask him.

Say "hey _____ what's with all the nicey nice?"
You have known him long enough....you know when he's lying and when he's not.
Just straight up ask him.
See what he says.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Just ask him.
> 
> Say "hey _____ what's with all the nicey nice?"
> You have known him long enough....you know when he's lying and when he's not.
> ...


 Circus Psychic says his response will be:

"Just because we're getting divorced doesn't mean we can't be friends. We need to agree on things before court to save money on lawyers."


TRANSLATION: Hold still while I screw you over, Stupid. I want everything while you have nothing.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Laura said:


> Circus Psychic says his response will be:
> 
> "Just because we're getting divorced doesn't mean we can't be friends. We need to agree on things before court to save money on lawyers."
> 
> ...


You could be right.
I personally like the direct approach.
If she just asks it gives him the opportunity to speak.
She then gets to decide if he's full of poop or not!!


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## Echoesechos (Jan 22, 2010)

Just say no! Why give him the chance to continue to hurt you and yours. If you really thought it was in your benefit, then you wouldn't be questioning his motives. Listen to your gut, it's telling you something is up and beware...


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## Guest (Dec 11, 2012)

Maybe you look hungry.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> You could be right.
> I personally like the direct approach.
> If she just asks it gives him the opportunity to speak.
> She then gets to decide if he's full of poop or not!!


Those who are vulnerable to the FOG need to stay out of the FOG.
Guaranteed if she asks, he will use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to try to get his way.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Laura said:


> Those who are vulnerable to the FOG need to stay out of the FOG.
> Guaranteed if she asks, he will use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to try to get his way.


Agreed. If she is in a fog....stay away from him.
BUT
If she has two feet firmly planted, head clear; I'd ask.


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## Monica33 (Jul 11, 2012)

Not knowing the rest of the story....
You know him best, or think you do.
He is the father of your children, and always will be.
Ask him outright. Why ask us and not him?


First mistake was leaving the family home. Should have shown him the door. Is he paying your rent? If you were a stay at home mom you have the right to continue to be. Until you are legally separated or divorced you are both still responsible for your family. 
Take that $1000 and get your own lawyer. If his mistress is married contact the other spouse to let them know. It is your duty.
It "may" be pure regret. Maybe faced with the reality he knows he made a mistake. What is in the best interest of you and your children? You must protect them and yourself first. It is your "duty" to your family to do the right thing. 
Only you can have that conversation with him. Even if you eventually get back together, under no circumstances resume your marital relationship without STD tests.

And if it was me he would be on the couch for the rest of his life, but then we had that conversation before we got married. He would be expected to continue to meet the responsibilities of his family, EVERYDAY! If he paid the bills before he should be paying them now, and everyday until your children are grown and on their own. Then you can decide to let him off the hook if you decide to. 
As for not asking for anything...STOP THAT RIGHT NOW! Go the opposite direction. Go after everything. He is the one that broke his vows and betrayed not only you but also your family and children. 
You are entitled to alimony AND child support. Get both. Ask him to start turning over his share now. If he doesn't consider moving back in and kicking him out. Your children should not suffer a change in lifestyle just because you are not happy and want it to just be over with. Children = too late for that!

You are ENTITLED to half of the marriage assets. After that you are still entitled to alimony and child support for the benefit of your children. After that he is still their father and still responsible for helping to raise them, make sure that continues to happen.

The mistakes that you make now, you and your children will pay for. Do not make them pay for your decisions or his betrayal. 

Balancing what is best for you and your children goes beyond your personal feelings. Your duty now is to protect them. Do it!


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## bluemoonluck (Oct 28, 2008)

Judy in IN said:


> OH PLEASE! If he loved her, he wouldn't have done anything to hurt her. This all happened AFTER he stopped by the lawyer's office. Wake up!
> 
> For the record, take everything you are entitled to. You need the assets that YOU worked for to provide for yourself. Are you not renting? IF you had your half of the assets, you could buy a small place of your own. Laura is right--communicate only through your lawyer. Don't let him SCREW YOU while he's KISSING HER! There's a price to be paid for the shenanigans he's pulling.
> 
> ...


ITA with every word of this.

And FTR, if you have to, you can hire a forensic accountant if you think he's hiding assets, and have the court COMPEL him to allow this individual full access to everything. They'll track down every last penny!!



Monica33 said:


> Not knowing the rest of the story....
> First mistake was leaving the family home. Should have shown him the door. Is he paying your rent? If you were a stay at home mom you have the right to continue to be. Until you are legally separated or divorced you are both still responsible for your family.
> 
> Take that $1000 and get your own lawyer. If his mistress is married contact the other spouse to let them know. It is your duty.
> ...


My DH's exW kicked him out when he discovered she was having an affair. He decided to play nice "for the sake of the kids"  and she took EVERY opportunity to screw him over financially for close to two years afterwards (even though she makes more money than he does). He says now if he had to do it all over again, he would have paid ONLY the table amount of child support from day one, and not a penny more. He wouldn't have given her a lot of the concessions he gave to her (like letting her claim all 3 of the kids on her taxes) because that is hurting OUR financial bottom line now, while his ex continues to live the high life on his dime.

I'm hoping you've consulted an attorney of your own. If you haven't, you need to do that IMMEDIATELY. You have rights, and you need to know what they are. 

If you're entitled to it, take it!!! Don't feel guilty...... it's not just for you, it's for YOUR CHILDREN. If you don't need the $$ then put it into a savings account for your kids, because expenses for them will come up eventually and then you'll have the $ you need for them. 

Do not allow this man to take advantage of you. Do not trust a word he says. Run everything thru your attorney and FOLLOW THEIR ADVICE to the letter!!


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

Entitled To.........

Who decides this.......Some all-knowing, fully informed twit, who is friends with the Governor....and got appointed....

I'm entitled to say this.....cause I say so.....

There ya go.....


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## Guest (Dec 11, 2012)

No kidding. I'm of the opinion that the OP probably knows her husband a lot better then everybody who is demanding that she take everything he has. It's telling that so many of the "advise givers" think the guy is overflowing with money. Or else he doesn't even deserve a penny of his own, after(apparently) fulfilling his own legal obligations. You'd think that they would realize that her own willingness to not grind on him for money speaks volumes about her class. I guess, to some people, money is all that matters. And they just cannot accept that it's not everything to everybody. Since Wildhorse says she don't want anything from him, she just wants to move on, I don't get how so many are interpreting "I don't want anything from him I just want to move on" to mean "Please demand that I go after every penny there is"


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

zong said:


> No kidding. I'm of the opinion that the OP probably knows her husband a lot better then everybody who is demanding that she take everything he has.


That is why I suggested she just ask what was up.



> It's telling that so many of the "advise givers" think the guy is overflowing with money. Or else he doesn't even deserve a penny of his own, after(apparently) fulfilling his own legal obligations. You'd think that they would realize that her own willingness to not grind on him for money speaks volumes about her class.


Depending on how long she was married and how much time has passed since she found out about his adulterous affair, it could be more than "class".
It could be PTSD.
It could be that she is still very numb, and just wants it to go away.
It could be that she is having a hard time pulling it together and it mentally overwhelmed with it all.
It could be a lot of things deeper than class.
It could be that she is just a classy gal.
All the above are possibilities.



> I guess, to some people, money is all that matters. And they just cannot accept that it's not everything to everybody. Since Wildhorse says she don't want anything from him, she just wants to move on, I don't get how so many are interpreting "I don't want anything from him I just want to move on" to mean "Please demand that I go after every penny there is"


My MIL was in shock.
23 years of marriage. Did not work outside the home. Had no way to support herself as she had no skills. One son in college, one son a senior in high school.
As calm as a cucumber FIL told her he was having an affair with a family friend, and was filing for a divorce. Then he left.
She was shell shocked. Numb. Brain scrambled.
She didn't even get the lousy cheap furniture.
She was not in her right mind and he exploited that. 
Y-E-A-R-S later she finally realized how bad, she got screwed.

I think that is the advice that is being given. 
Not "screw 'em, and tattoo 'em"
But
Don't "screw and tattoo" yourself and your children because you are mentally and emotionally compromised right now.

At least that is the way I read it.:bash:


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Exactly, Laura5, it's about not contributing to your own victimization. 

So many women say, "All I want is out," because it is so emotionally overwhelming and they're already conditioned to take crumbs and BS.

No matter how little or how much, the marital assets are still hers, but she has to claim them.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Laura said:


> Exactly, Laura5, it's about not contributing to your own victimization.
> 
> So many women say, "All I want is out," because it is so emotionally overwhelming and they're already conditioned to take crumbs and BS.
> 
> No matter how little or how much, the marital assets are still hers, but she has to claim them.


Unfortunately the one thing a man or woman cannot get back is the time.
You can't put a dollar value on time.
Once it is gone, it is gone.......

I think that is what makes a man or woman bitter.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

I know I would have never, ever left my home if I had been thinking clearly....but what is done is done...as Laura said there is no going back.


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## CountryWannabe (May 31, 2004)

zong said:


> No kidding. I'm of the opinion that the OP probably knows her husband a lot better then everybody who is demanding that she take everything he has. It's telling that so many of the "advise givers" think the guy is overflowing with money. Or else he doesn't even deserve a penny of his own, after(apparently) fulfilling his own legal obligations. You'd think that they would realize that her own willingness to not grind on him for money speaks volumes about her class. I guess, to some people, money is all that matters. And they just cannot accept that it's not everything to everybody. Since Wildhorse says she don't want anything from him, she just wants to move on, I don't get how so many are interpreting "I don't want anything from him I just want to move on" to mean "Please demand that I go after every penny there is"


From where I am sitting (and, obviously, I can only see what is portrayed by the OP) I see a person who just wants this to be over. She is wanting to believe that her soon-to-be ex is full of altruism. Why else would he buy her steak and give her money? Unfortunately, several of the ladies here have been there, done that and got the whole outfit. The OP may be oozing class, but being classy as all get out won't help if she is unable to pay the rent, or to meet the needs of her dependent children. Then what will happen? She will have to petition the courts for a raise in whatever pittance it has granted, which can take a very long time, meanwhile getting deeper and deeper into financial doo-doo.

In any divorce it is better to let the lawyers do their thing unless there are no children involved. Whether that is a reasonably generous, legally drawn up agreement that is agreed to by both parties independent of the courts, or hammered out in court - when there are children involved (and particularly when a special needs child is involved) there needs to be protection in place for those children which is sufficient to cover their current and projected future needs. 

Getting a "good", if you will, judgement does not mean she has to take everything offered at every payment period. However, when more is needed it is a lot easier to give less back than to ask for more. 

Her gut feeling is that he is angling for something, and whatever it is it is not going to be good for her. Most here have advised her to listen to that gut feeling. No more, no less. With my first DH we had no children, I was able to take very good care of myself and we parted amicably. With my second - I had two children under 5yrs of age and if he had offered me anything of his own free will I would have been searching for the knife in my back - with good reason. I asked for more than I needed most of the time because I knew that he would fight tooth and nail no matter what they needed. I kept good books and sent him a Christmas present for a few years... When I remarried I had no more need of anything from him.

Mary


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## Guest (Dec 12, 2012)

Because I have actually read her posts instead of piggybacking on what somebody else said, I know that her children are all over 18. There are a lot of things you can learn by simply reading.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

zong said:


> Because I have actually read her posts instead of piggybacking on what somebody else said, I know that her children are all over 18. There are a lot of things you can learn by simply reading.


If they are in college he has to pay support until they are 23 (I think, may depend on the state) not to mention part or all of their tuition (depending on what the courts demand).

I love how they wait till the kids are 18 so they can get out of paying support...
Now that's class.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Unfortunately the one thing a man or woman cannot get back is the time.
> You can't put a dollar value on time.
> Once it is gone, it is gone.......
> 
> I think that is what makes a man or woman bitter.


 It's amazing what God can restore. Once the stress is gone from your life, those lost years along with your health can be restored. The secret is knowing how to use it wisely and not squander those gifts again.


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## Guest (Dec 12, 2012)

If you, like me, had bothered reading Wildhorse's posts, you might actually have a clue. This is not her first marriage. I just cannot imagine all you guys jumping to conclusions without even reading the OP's own posts on the matter. And piling on the bandwagon. Unreal, but, yet, typical.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

In most states, a wife is entitled to leave with the equal amount of assets she had upon entering the marriage, plus half the assets the couple aquired during the marriage.

If she was not the major breadwinner, and does not make enough to support a herself above federal poverty level, or was a full time homemaker, she is entitled to spousal maintenance.

If the marriage lasts 20 years or more, she is entitled to part of or all of his pension.

Court proceedings are not about emotions, so shut 'em down. Stand on the other side of the room and look at it rationally as if you were advocating for someone else that you care deeply about. 

Divorce sucks, but not as much as an abusive marriage. I like what the judge told my X in the courtroom when he started whining after his attempts to kick me to the curb failed. "You were given many options, Mr. X, you chose the most expensive one. I suggest you find a way to deal with it." 

X had an expensive attorney. I represented myself with God keeping me calm.


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## wildhorse (Oct 22, 2006)

Zong is right my children are all over 18 and I've been thou unspeakable things all I want is to move on and leave the nightmare behind I have changed a great deal all I can do is hope its for the best. To say the least I have grown.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

wildhorse said:


> Zong is right my children are all over 18 and I've been thou unspeakable things all I want is to move on and leave the nightmare behind I have changed a great deal all I can do is hope its for the best. To say the least I have grown.


I am so sorry.
I understand the need to just 'get away'......


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## Groene Pionier (Apr 23, 2009)

Wildhorse, if you want to move on, why do you try to 'understand' him or want to know what his next move would be. I don't have a christal bol (sp?) in the situations that I want/need it. I just try to focus on what I want not what someone else wants or perhaps plans to do. good luck with it all, i know it isn't easy!


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## WV Farm girl (Nov 26, 2011)

He wants something. Be it company or an easy divorce, something. The only time I hear from my ex is when he is on the rocks with a new love or wants something. 
Yesterday he called and wants me to sign a quit claim deed to the house. Claims it will help him refi easier and cheaper. When I baulked he started throwing up that I walked away "free and clear". I reminded him I walked away with nothing and I could have demanded a lot. He was all nice at first then got nasty. 
I would keep my guard up. He has a plan and it probably isn't in your best interest.


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## NoClue (Jan 22, 2007)

I'm a guy, so I have a somewhat different perspective. My ex initiated the divorce - her reasons were that she just wasn't happy and that our respective wants and needs had changed so that we were no longer compatible. It's been a little over a year now. We split up our joint assets, negotiated joint custody - I pay only a token form of alimony and an extremely generous amount of child support.

A few weeks ago she called me wanting to know if I had given any thought to the idea of getting back together. I replied that I hadn't. I didn't agree to the divorce until she had convinced me that there was absolutely no hope of a viable marriage, and once convinced, I had shifted all of my emotional energy to the kids, and providing them as stable an evironment as possible given the circumstances. She argued that for the sake of the kids we ought to at least talk about it. I agreed to meet her for lunch and to talk about it.

The talk we had, in summary, left me even more convinced than before that our divorce was irreversible. The question I put to her repeatedly was "What's changed?" and I never got an answer. The question I asked myself, both before and after is "Why? Why talk about this _now?_ What is it she really wants?" My suspicion was that what she really wanted was money - a recurring theme of hers was how well off we would be if we combined our incomes again. But she's a smart woman, she knew that before she wanted out.

So I went and talked to a counselor, trying to make sense of it all. My counselor immediate response was that it was the holidays, and that this time of year, every year, she's flooded with new clients - couples evaluating the possibility of reconciliation, and by mid-January almost all of them will have dropped the idea. I had, and still have, a hard time conceiving of the holidays having that kind of effect on someone, but having looked into it, it is apparently a very common response. 

I hope this helps, it may be a seasonal remorse syndrome, or as you suspect, he might actually be up to something.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

NC, I am so sorry.
Thank you for sharing this.......I needed to see this.


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## NoClue (Jan 22, 2007)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> NC, I am so sorry.
> Thank you for sharing this.......I needed to see this.


Glad I could be of assistance. 

Seriously though, I'm fine. I was momentarily surprised and confused by the suddeness of it all. My ex has always known that the good of the children is the one hot-button she can always count on to get my attention, and when we were married she could usually count on it to get her way. What she didn't realize was that I was fully aware that she was often merely mashing the button to get what she wanted. So long as we were married, I would cave knowing that she used it as a sort of last resort, and that using it meant, even if her base motive was selfish, it was important to her, and as her husband I valued her happiness and contentment with life in general and not just with me, the kids, etc. Now that we are no longer married, her contentment, etc. is only my concern to the extent that it affects the children. If she mashes the button, I'll listen, but I'm not caving unless I see that it's a matter concerning the well-being of the kids.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

NoClue said:


> Glad I could be of assistance.
> 
> Seriously though, I'm fine. I was momentarily surprised and confused by the suddeness of it all. My ex has always known that the good of the children is the one hot-button she can always count on to get my attention, and when we were married she could usually count on it to get her way. What she didn't realize was that I was fully aware that she was often merely mashing the button to get what she wanted. So long as we were married, I would cave knowing that she used it as a sort of last resort, and that using it meant, even if her base motive was selfish, it was important to her, and as her husband I valued her happiness and contentment with life in general and not just with me, the kids, etc. Now that we are no longer married, her contentment, etc. is only my concern to the extent that it affects the children. If she mashes the button, I'll listen, but I'm not caving unless I see that it's a matter concerning the well-being of the kids.



It sounds to me that you do have a clue! Good for you!


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## Monica33 (Jul 11, 2012)

wildhorse said:


> Zong is right my children are all over 18 and I've been thou unspeakable things all I want is to move on and leave the nightmare behind I have changed a great deal all I can do is hope its for the best. To say the least I have grown.


If your children are all over 18 and none of them are his that information changes situation as understood from the first post.
If he was abusive that info would have been helpful. If one of you has actually filed for divorce then that info is helpful too.

Amended advice!

DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING from his lawyer until yours has passed it.

Have no further contact with him, and don't return his calls. Save the messages or send them to your lawyer if he wants them. (see below)
If you have no need of that $1000 take it to a lawyer. 
Conversation that I would have with your lawyer would *include all info* and any proof or witnesses. Tell him to get your half of marital assets and costs since you have cause (adultry, abuse, etc). Tell him to call you when HE has an agreement from the other party.
That way you never have to see him again, and any stress is gone. Whatever your lawyer gets take, knowing that he paid for his divorce and you walk away free.

Sorry but we don't all have the time to do research on other threads for left out information.

Good luck!


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

That reminds me I have Jury duty in January. I hope I get to see Santa.


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

Doodle, your train runs on a special track for sure.


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