# help-advice about son



## jamala (May 4, 2007)

Ok everyone, I am sitting here in tears as I type this. My 15 year old son weighed tonight and it killed me-- he weighs 281 he is 6 feet tall and this is way too much weight on him. His blood pressure is up and I am worried. I knew he was big but had no idea he was that big. He needs to lose at least 50lbs to be in the normal range on the chart I found. I need advice/tips/etc. I can change the eating habits at home but he spends lots of time with my dad and mom. They feed him anything he wants pizza/burgers/tons of fries. I don't want to cut him off from seeing them but they get defensive and offended if I ask them to make him eat more healthy foods and no junk food. They buy lots of junk for the grandkids, I don't buy junk food for our home. How do I approach this? Can you suggest a good exercise plan--how much is too much? Do you know any healthy snack options for him? I have got to get this under control before his health suffers.


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## 3ravens (Mar 16, 2006)

jamala said:


> I have got to get this under control before his health suffers.


NO!!!!! At 15, HE has to get this under control. You can HELP him, but HE has to want to do it, and HE has to do it. Unless he wants to change, it won't happen, no matter what you do. So the first thing you have to change is how you think about it, and then figure out how to get him to want to change. Once he is on board, you can help by cooking healthy and showing him how, finding online resources for him, maybe getting him a gym membership, etc.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

jamala said:


> Ok everyone, I am sitting here in tears as I type this. My 15 year old son weighed tonight and it killed me-- he weighs 281 he is 6 feet tall and this is way too much weight on him. His blood pressure is up and I am worried. I knew he was big but had no idea he was that big. He needs to lose at least 50lbs to be in the normal range on the chart I found. I need advice/tips/etc. I can change the eating habits at home but he spends lots of time with my dad and mom. They feed him anything he wants pizza/burgers/tons of fries. I don't want to cut him off from seeing them but they get defensive and offended if I ask them to make him eat more healthy foods and no junk food. They buy lots of junk for the grandkids, I don't buy junk food for our home. How do I approach this? Can you suggest a good exercise plan--how much is too much? Do you know any healthy snack options for him? I have got to get this under control before his health suffers.


Bless you for caring.
Does HE want to lose weight?
Has he watched the movie "super sized"?
He should.

How to approach it?
Tell your parents they are killing him. By feeding him junk food with ZERO nutritional value, they are clogging his arteries, overworking his organs, and melting his brain. IF they really love the boy, they will hear you when you say, they need to stop feeding him junk. Have them watch "super size me" too. 

HE has to want to lose weight. You can lay out the perfect diet and perfect exercise plan, but if he is not interested, then it's a waste of your time.....

I know this has to be heartbreaking.....I am so sorry.


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## Our Little Farm (Apr 26, 2010)

Do you have a gym nearby he can go to? Possibly with a mentor or friend? 
What about a swimming pool?

As others have said, he needs to know what he needs to do to get back in shape. It will be a lifestyle change but it needs to happen. If grandparents refuse to get on board with this, then maybe he needs to stay home till they do. Tough love, but it needs to happen. THEY need to see you are BOTH serious about this.

Talk to your son, maybe even go to a doctor and discuss his weight. Let him know how serious it is.

Good luck!


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## springvalley (Jun 23, 2009)

3ravens said:


> NO!!!!!You can HELP him, but HE has to want to do it, and HE has to do it. Unless he wants to change, it won't happen, no matter what you do. .


I totally agree, he has to want the change, you are doing your part, he has to want it also. Sit your parents down and have a good old talk with them and tell them like it is , I don`t care if they get upset, they are grown ups, they are buying their grandkids love with food and don`t realize they are killing him. > Marc<<< MORE LATER


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## jamala (May 4, 2007)

Thanks all, I appreciate your advice. He has no interest at all in losing weight, doesn't see that it is hurting himself. I am looking up the movie super size now to let him watch. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers.


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## cindy-e (Feb 14, 2008)

jamala said:


> Thanks all, I appreciate your advice. He has no interest at all in losing weight, doesn't see that it is hurting himself. I am looking up the movie super size now to let him watch. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers.


Well, to be honest, I don't have kids with weight issues, but getting them concerned about health and fitness was a *BIG* priority for me because type 1 diabetes runs in my family, and at the time, I was *very* overweight. 

Even if you are not overweight, you lead your family in the direction you want it to go by your example. Kids at that age cannot be manhandled. They have to be led. I changed *my* eating habits, and I started *my own* fitness program. I started making sure some of our family time was spent walking, and camping, and riding bikes instead of in front of the TV. I started running. I entered some races that were for a good cause. Races are an excitement charged atmosphere so it piqued their interest. 

I've lost 70 lbs, and I have one kids who is like a nutrition police-woman, and two that just ran their first half marathon with me yesterday. (They are 14 and 16 years old.) The 2 little ones are taking martial arts, and the 10 year old told me yesterday that he wants to run a half marathon and "cross that finish line" one day too. 

We were *all* couch potatoes a year and a half ago. I suspect, not as a parent, but as a person who has struggled with weight that perhaps what is being presented as "I don't care" on your son's part deep down is, "show me that it's possible". Overweight people stay overweight because they don't believe they can change more often than that they don't want to. You have to show him what's possible. 

If you are already active, just start including him. Take him to your races or work outs and get in his head and world. (Bribe him at first if you have to in order to get him to go! It's too important to fail!) When you get where you are going, if he does *one* or *two* minutes of whatever it is you are doing, praise, praise, praise for a great start! The one thing kids always want that parents under estimate is the encouragment of the parent. 

If you are not active, and you don't have solid eating habits at home, I can tell you from experience that he will change when you do. 

Healthy snacks... popcorn. (spray it with olive oil spray to keep the salt on and the calories down.) Fruit (particularly berries). String cheese. Pop Chips are good (a fair amount for a small amount of calories and natural ingredients). Greek Yogurt. (buy plain regular yogurt, and then filter it again to increase the protein count without increasing the calories). 

That said, I tend to have at least one latte a week. 280 calories. But if I have a food plan, it doesn't matter. I can have it because I chose my other foods to allow for it. Generally speaking you can have some of anything you want if you have a plan. Fitness doesn't have to be deprivation. And your tastes change. Some of the things I used to eat no longer taste good and I don't want them anymore. 

OK, Hope that helps. This is just my experience, and not at all a judgement. I can tell by the fact that you asked the question that you are a loving and involved parent! Way to go!

Cindyc.


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## jamala (May 4, 2007)

Thanks CindyC., I weigh 153 so I need to lose about 40lbs, I am 5'5". I sat down tonight and had a talk with him. I explained that dad and I need help on this road (he knows his dad's blood pressure is very high even with medicine) I explained that his bp is really high also and it will take work to keep it under control so he doesn't have to take medicine. He is beginning to come around. Tonight for supper we had chicken sauted in a little (1 teaspoon) of olive oil, rice and a salad. I showed him how he can have balsamic vinegrette dressing 2 Tablespooons for 35 cal. or 2 TBS of thousand island is 130 cal. HE measured out 1 tablespoon of thousand island for his salad and didn't add the usual crackers/bread to that. He ate 1 chicken breast, 1 1/2 cup of salad and about 1/2 cup of rice. MUCH less than he would normally eat. He also had nothing but water to drink today, he normally has several sodas. I got on the treadmill for 10 min. and challenged him to do 10 min. and we will add 5 min. a day in the morning and evening. I talked with my parents and they are on board now and actually tossed all the junk food while I was there. They love him so much they just buy what they know he likes to eat. My dad even asked about what kind of stuff to go shop for tomorrow. I am blessed in that he loves baked fish he just drowns it in ketchup or BBQ sauce so we are going to try lots of salt free spice blends and I told him he can have those sauces just limit them. Thanks for all the support and advice, I am glad he is seeing the light so to speak and is at least willing to try with me.


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## cindy-e (Feb 14, 2008)

jamala said:


> Thanks CindyC., I weigh 153 so I need to lose about 40lbs, I am 5'5". I sat down tonight and had a talk with him. I explained that dad and I need help on this road (he knows his dad's blood pressure is very high even with medicine) I explained that his bp is really high also and it will take work to keep it under control so he doesn't have to take medicine. He is beginning to come around. Tonight for supper we had chicken sauted in a little (1 teaspoon) of olive oil, rice and a salad. I showed him how he can have balsamic vinegrette dressing 2 Tablespooons for 35 cal. or 2 TBS of thousand island is 130 cal. HE measured out 1 tablespoon of thousand island for his salad and didn't add the usual crackers/bread to that. He ate 1 chicken breast, 1 1/2 cup of salad and about 1/2 cup of rice. MUCH less than he would normally eat. He also had nothing but water to drink today, he normally has several sodas. I got on the treadmill for 10 min. and challenged him to do 10 min. and we will add 5 min. a day in the morning and evening. I talked with my parents and they are on board now and actually tossed all the junk food while I was there. They love him so much they just buy what they know he likes to eat. My dad even asked about what kind of stuff to go shop for tomorrow. I am blessed in that he loves baked fish he just drowns it in ketchup or BBQ sauce so we are going to try lots of salt free spice blends and I told him he can have those sauces just limit them. Thanks for all the support and advice, I am glad he is seeing the light so to speak and is at least willing to try with me.


WHAT A GREAT START! 

May I offer a suggestion that has been really helpful to me, personally? May I suggest the Volumetrics cookbook, by Barbara Rolls, PhD? Everything in it tastes good. The food doesn't cost an arm and a leg. It's focus is on being able to eat a lot of food for less calories. Honestly, I like chicken, fish, and salad, but if I had to eat it all the time, I would just not be successful long term. At 15, he's probably still in puberty, (my 16 y.o. is anyway) and I would imagine his body is telling him to eat, eat, eat! You just have to give him *lots* of the right kinds of things to eat. This book might be helpful for that. It even has recipes for pasta and pizza, and other stuff that kids like. 

FWIW, 
Cindyc.

(Who is SO proud of the start you made today! GREAT JOB! )


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## jamala (May 4, 2007)

Thanks Cindy, I am going to get that book in the morning when I go into town.


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## cindy-e (Feb 14, 2008)

jamala said:


> Thanks Cindy, I am going to get that book in the morning when I go into town.


GREAT! The actual name of the book is "The Volumetrics Eating Plan" by Barbara Rolls, Ph.D. Sorry I didn't get it right the first time. 

Cindyc.


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## jamala (May 4, 2007)

Ordered the book, can't wait for it. Today was a crazy day but an ok day. My DD had to have 4 teeth pulled this morning and then my son had to be fitted for his tux so we were away from home from breakfast till lunch. He picked a grilled chicken sandwich on a wheat bun for lunch and turkey sausage and a scrambled egg for breakfast. I was proud, he would normally have a moster biscuit for breakfast (bacon, ham, sauage, egg and cheese on a biscuit) and a quarter pounder with fries and a coke for lunch. He has had water to drink all day. For supper I made chicken and dumplins (not the best but DD had to have soft foods, I made it with white meat and skimmed all fat) He had a 1/2 a chicken breast and a small bowl of dumplins, grapes for desert and walked 15 min. on the treadmill. He is eating much less (portion wise) than he normally does. I am worried about caffine withdrawls hitting tommorrow as today was 24 hours with no caffine. I may let him have a diet coke if that happens but only 1, does that sound ok?


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## ErinP (Aug 23, 2007)

> I weigh 153 so I need to lose about 40lbs, I am 5'5".


Am I reading this right?
You think you're supposed to weigh _113 pounds_ at 5'5"???
Depending upon your activity level (and resulting muscle mass) you're probably just fine at 153, or could lose maybe _10_ pounds. Not _40_!!


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## cindy-e (Feb 14, 2008)

ErinP said:


> Am I reading this right?
> You think you're supposed to weigh _113 pounds_ at 5'5"???
> Depending upon your activity level (and resulting muscle mass) you're probably just fine at 153, or could lose maybe _10_ pounds. Not _40_!!


http://www.rush.edu/rumc/page-1108048103230.html

"Normal" height and weight for someone 5' 5" is 113 to 138 lbs. 113 is the low side of normal. Jamala, you may get into your weight loss process and decide that is too low for you. Just be flexible and listen to you body.  You could try for the top number first, 138 and then see how you feel. Smaller goals are easier to commit to. Good luck!

Cindyc.


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## ErinP (Aug 23, 2007)

True enough.
If she's an _extremely_ fine-boned 21 or 22 year old (with very little muscle mass), 113 is probably about right.


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## jamala (May 4, 2007)

I am going by what my doc suggested he said 30 would be great, but I was at 115 when I got pregnant with my 3rd child and that is when I felt great. I have a small frame and look and feel my best when I am around 115-120. And WAYYYY back when I was 21-22 years old I weighed 105 now at my OLD (according to my kids) 39 years I will be happy with 120. Thanks yall, you are keeping me motivated.


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## jamala (May 4, 2007)

Ok, I am not doing so well, down 2 lbs. But my son is doing better! He has lost 11 lbs!!! He is walking on the treadmill for 20 min. at night about 3 times a week. And eating better. He still has to have the fries on occasion but instead of a 10 piece nugget and lg fries with root beer he is ordering a 6pc kids meal nugget with sm fries and water. So he is making changes that are making an impact!


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## Guest (Dec 28, 2010)

WAY TO GO! just let him know that it can be done, and that his hard work is motivating other. I am ready to start! and having been looking for positive stories to remind me that it can be done! Good Job!


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## longhorngal (Aug 4, 2005)

Just wanted to share that my daughter, now 15, started last January with the determination to loose weight. Honestly at this age cutting out junk food and extra helpings seems to make a WORLD of difference. She also started working out on the treadmill-about 30 minutes a day but at least half of it was running. She has gone from a size I guess 17? Whatever the biggest size the junior dept. carries down to a 7 in a year. She didn't do any kind of special diet or even calorie counting. Best of luck to you all, keep at it!


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