# Help me understand men (ha)



## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

K guys, you have a girl that's been a friend all your life, someone who understands you to the utter core and is bone of your bone. All your past relationships didn't work out, you don't want to ruin/lose this friendship by getting into a relationship that is doomed to fail because all the others failed(sigh, man logic). yet she makes you freakin happy, bone of your bone(to quote the bible ha) like no other.

what does the girl do to make it all ok?


----------



## NoClue (Jan 22, 2007)

Explain it slowly and clearly, using small words. Visual aids would probably help too.


----------



## lonelytree (Feb 28, 2008)

Men like visuals. 

Show him your tomatos.



Think long term intimate relationship before legal BS.


----------



## farmrbrown (Jun 25, 2012)

NoClue said:


> Explain it slowly and clearly, using small words. Visual aids would probably help too.





lonelytree said:


> Men like visuals.
> 
> Show him your tomatos.
> 
> ...


ound:

The simple answer never sounds like it will work, does it?


----------



## naturelover (Jun 6, 2006)

wyld thang said:


> you don't want to ruin/lose this friendship by getting into a relationship that is doomed to fail because all the others failed


It's an old excuse, it's so old it's timeless and it's an excuse that's been used by both men and women. 

It's his fear of committment and attachment (bone to bone) and he has to deal with his own fear himself.



> what does the girl do to make it all ok?


Nothing. There's nothing she _can_ do without seeming to be clingy. She can set him free and get on with her life independently. If his freedom and consequent loss of her feels worse to him than his fear of committment then he'll come back to her. If he doesn't come back then she never was bone of his bone except in her own mind.

.


----------



## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

wyld thang said:


> K
> 
> what does the girl do to make it all ok?


Sounds like you are doing everything you can already. First question to answer is if he is interested in you romanticly or not then you will know if he is even worth trying for or if you are barking up the wrong tree.


----------



## Guest (Jul 3, 2012)

Bring him beer. naked.


----------



## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Or do this... :bash:


----------



## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> K guys, you have a girl that's been a friend all your life, someone who understands you to the utter core and is bone of your bone. All your past relationships didn't work out, you don't want to ruin/lose this friendship by getting into a relationship that is doomed to fail because all the others failed(sigh, man logic). yet she makes you freakin happy, bone of your bone(to quote the bible ha) like no other.
> 
> what does the girl do to make it all ok?


You can't.

If a man wants a woman, nothing will stop him.

If he doesn't, nothing will entice him.

Accept the relationship for what it is -- sounds like he is a good friend, maybe even a good FWB -- but look elsewhere for love.

JMO. :shrug:


----------



## NoClue (Jan 22, 2007)

naturelover said:


> It's an old excuse, it's so old it's timeless and it's an excuse that's been used by both men and women.
> 
> It's his fear of committment and attachment (bone to bone) and he has to deal with his own fear himself.
> 
> ...


As a man who has previously attempted to have a friendship with a woman become a romance, I have to say that it isn't just an excuse. In my case, she was my best friend, and there has been no one, before or since with whom I could could communicate with as honestly or as fully. I regret the loss of her friendship even more than the loss of her love. Love affairs rise and fall like wildfires in the wind, but friendships provide the long steady heat that keep us going through long cold winters. Making matters worse, was that she was always the person I could talk to, and I couldn't talk to her about the pain of losing her - that was the loneliest experience of my life.

If ever again I have a best friend who is female, I would be very loathe to try and make a romance of it. Much better, in my opinion, to evolve a love into a best-friendship.


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

willow_girl said:


> You can't.
> 
> If a man wants a woman, nothing will stop him.
> 
> ...


I think this is AWESOME advice!!


----------



## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

I really appreciate all your words! yeah, I'll let him go

guess I'll give mr x a call...he's a friend of my dad's(but he's my age). Been dancing with him at the contra dances(because he's fun and he really throws me around), he gets all sweaty and worked up and all smiley. Last time he had to leave early and was calling my name across the floor and when I got swung by he gave me his card "call me". He's been working on me to go to a blues fest in a few weeks. He's got a suit of armor...and he wants to see my coyote tail...


(so this is where you tell me "that's the spirit!" ha!)


----------



## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Dont be a quitter, go get yourself some hankies and chloroform, he'll come around eventually...LOL!!!


----------



## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

NoClue said:


> As a man who has previously attempted to have a friendship with a woman become a romance, I have to say that it isn't just an excuse. In my case, she was my best friend, and there has been no one, before or since with whom I could could communicate with as honestly or as fully. I regret the loss of her friendship even more than the loss of her love. Love affairs rise and fall like wildfires in the wind, but friendships provide the long steady heat that keep us going through long cold winters. Making matters worse, was that she was always the person I could talk to, and I couldn't talk to her about the pain of losing her - that was the loneliest experience of my life.
> 
> If ever again I have a best friend who is female, I would be very loathe to try and make a romance of it. Much better, in my opinion, to evolve a love into a best-friendship.


thank you for understanding


----------



## rickfrosty (Jun 19, 2008)

zong said:


> Bring him beer. naked.


Have to say something along these lines may be in order ? If you are such good friends, then he may see you as just a friend & find it hard to bridge the sexual gap/ hard to cross over into lustful territory ? (especially if he was raised by women as I was, or had a strong woman in his childhood) ?
Or, as someone else said - show him those luscious tomatos (snicker) !?
I myself find you hard to resist (not that I have any occasion to resist) - you come across as attractive on a few levels.


----------



## rickfrosty (Jun 19, 2008)

willow_girl said:


> You can't.
> 
> If a man wants a woman, nothing will stop him.
> 
> ...


Nah, NNS (not necessarily so) - as much as I love Willow Girl's words, some guys are just freakin shy as heck - find it very hard to go over to lustown & let the friend-woman know they want her for more, find her sexually attractive.
If this may be the situation, make him a subtle offer once - he prolly will miss it and then be punching himself in the head cause he thinks he may have missed the chance he's been dying for.
So give him another chance - stand close to him at some function, touch his arm, (better yet brush his arm w/a part of you that all menchildren adore !?) - and smile, smile, smile.
Men (American men ?) are often not taught how to deal w/women, or how to do the initial song-and-dance, even if they may be excellent w/women afterwards ? They/we need a lot of help initially, and it may well be worth it ?


----------



## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Noclue, that was painfully sad to read. I agree friendships last longer then romance relationships. For me I would have to be really good friends with my spouse if I was married. At least if the romance in the marriage waxes and wanes the friendship provides a warm bed of coals to warm the home up.

Being best friends with the opposite sex is a bad idea. Eventually, wives and husbands get jealous or feel threatened bythe closeness that their spouse has with a potential rival.
Been there done that.


----------



## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

I KEEP telling y'all!!


----------



## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

ha! 

actually...to be honest, sex is NOT the problem. the chemistry is off the charts. literally howlingly(I mean yes, the tomatos were enjoyed). but he is(or can be seen as) a workaholic, he works 7 days a week packing away the hours so he can retire early. he also trains really hard, which doesn't leave time for a relationship, which I think part of the reason he works so much is that he hasn't had a relationship--to fill a hole as it were. I respect his financial and training goals, and support that. just saying I'm wondering if he's gotten sideswiped, been so focused for so long and I come along and how does it all fit. he did say he really appreciated how I respect his goals and I'm not demanding(I know that sounds weird maybe), and he did take a day off on a day he would have gotten triple time to spend it with me.

but yeah, it's all about priorities, and even habits or ruts. we're getting to that age when it's really hard to switch gears(for the average person). set in the ways.


----------



## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

rickfrosty said:


> Have to say something along these lines may be in order ? If you are such good friends, then he may see you as just a friend & find it hard to bridge the sexual gap/ hard to cross over into lustful territory ? (especially if he was raised by women as I was, or had a strong woman in his childhood) ?
> Or, as someone else said - show him those luscious tomatos (snicker) !?
> I myself find you hard to resist (not that I have any occasion to resist) - you come across as attractive on a few levels.


thanks


----------



## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

Actually, hmm. If you REALLY do care for him that much, and love him that much, and want a relationship with him that goes past friendship, you will persist and attain it.

Just spend more time with him and eventually he will get the clue. Tell him you are there for him and you are not going anywhere.

Sometimes, some people love others too much to complicate the others life with their own.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

U could be right about him becomeing single minded, and not seeing anything else but his goals. I always wanted to be a farmer. I thought I had to have a wife to be a farmer, so I got one. She was a city gal, and it didnt work out, Both our faults, so I got another. She was a city gal who was worthless, and it didnt work out, so I got another, She was a more or less city gal and it worked for awhile, and were still friends, but it didnt work out. After paying CS for 26yrs, I realized I couldnt get close to women IF I EVER wanted to farm, as, I was constantly being mixed into events filled with city gals, and they would never work. So now, I stay away from, and/or keep at arms length ANY women for fear that Ill find out there old and tired, or is a city gal, or once was a farm girl but that LONG removed, or ect, ect, ect. I concentrate on my goals, and take precious little time out for other endevors.

ID say, he likes the situation just the way it is. I like to talk to women on occasion, at the sale I go to, BUT im careful that the talk stays nutrual in its content. He may be the same way. If hes working 7 days a week, He may only want a woman he can be near and soak up the aura of your tomatoes, without haveing to buy them. I guess youve already got good advice what to do about it. Good as I could give anyway. Good luck.


----------



## Bandit (Oct 5, 2008)

FarmBoyBill said:


> U could be right about him becomeing single minded, and not seeing anything else but his goals. I always wanted to be a farmer. I thought I had to have a wife to be a farmer, so I got one. She was a city gal, and it didnt work out, Both our faults, so I got another. She was a city gal who was worthless, and it didnt work out, so I got another, She was a more or less city gal and it worked for awhile, and were still friends, but it didnt work out. After paying CS for 26yrs, I realized I couldnt get close to women IF I EVER wanted to farm, as, I was constantly being mixed into events filled with city gals, and they would never work. So now, I stay away from, and/or keep at arms length ANY women for fear that Ill find out there old and tired, or is a city gal, or once was a farm girl but that LONG removed, or ect, ect, ect. I concentrate on my goals, and take precious little time out for other endevors.
> 
> 
> Bill
> ...


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

That was when I was young and ung, and in my prime.


----------



## Laura (May 10, 2002)

wyld thang said:


> K guys, you have a girl that's been a friend all your life, someone who understands you to the utter core and is bone of your bone. All your past relationships didn't work out, you don't want to ruin/lose this friendship by getting into a relationship that is doomed to fail because all the others failed(sigh, man logic). yet she makes you freakin happy, bone of your bone(to quote the bible ha) like no other.
> 
> what does the girl do to make it all ok?


Yeah, Man Logic and their fear of failure at relationships. Even when you TELL them there is no failure with you, they still have to experience it to know it. What I did with Hayseed at the very beginning was let him know that no matter what, having him as a friend and neighbor was more important than anything else between us. He is still learning to trust that as he works through his anger, sadness and frustrations over his failing health. I am there with a hug and ready to listen. This is tough for both of us.

Men are not great multi-taskers like women. Workaholic men are working toward a future, not only for themselves, but in the hope it will include the Woman of His Dreams. This may be you, or not. What do his eyes tell you?

Men like to pursue, they don't like easy. You know what you have, it's special and to be cherished. He needs to catch up. Casually date others until he figures out he may lose you by NOT having that special relationship with you.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

What she said, I hate to admit lol, is bout right.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

yep, its easy to down man logic and their fear of failure. Specially when women dont have to deal with it themselves. If a woman fails, Likely, the guy never knew she was trying, so, no gains, no errors. When a man fails, at least one woman knows it. And likely several more soon will.


----------



## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

I don't understand human males, and I is one. Rarely do I understand myself, very rarely. (Mostly I just fake'it so as to LOOK good).


----------



## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Sourdough said:


> I don't understand human males, and I is one. Rarely do I understand myself, very rarely. (Mostly I just fake'it so as to LOOK good).


 Most men don't understand themselves so try to hide behind self-protective BS. Some of us can see right through it. 

Another thing to remember, WT, both you and I are recovering from serious emotional trauma from bad marriages and are doing quite well. Men who know our situations prefer to take a Wait'n'See with us to make sure we don't turn into basket cases and fall off the deep end.


----------



## Vickie44 (Jul 27, 2010)

FarmBoyBill said:


> yep, its easy to down man logic and their fear of failure. Specially when women dont have to deal with it themselves. If a woman fails, Likely, the guy never knew she was trying, so, no gains, no errors. When a man fails, at least one woman knows it. And likely several more soon will.


Women deal with failure all the time FBB its just a different failure then what matters to you , doesnt make it less important .


----------



## Vickie44 (Jul 27, 2010)

WT Bide your time and enjoy the company and the good times , maybe he will realize the same thing you have. I like what L said above, men frequently want what they can't have.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

NO, Say it isnt so!


----------



## Vickie44 (Jul 27, 2010)

:hysterical:


----------



## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

Laura said:


> Yeah, Man Logic and their fear of failure at relationships. Even when you TELL them there is no failure with you, they still have to experience it to know it. What I did with Hayseed at the very beginning was let him know that no matter what, having him as a friend and neighbor was more important than anything else between us. He is still learning to trust that as he works through his anger, sadness and frustrations over his failing health. I am there with a hug and ready to listen. This is tough for both of us.
> 
> Men are not great multi-taskers like women. Workaholic men are working toward a future, not only for themselves, but in the hope it will include the Woman of His Dreams. This may be you, or not. What do his eyes tell you?
> 
> Men like to pursue, they don't like easy. You know what you have, it's special and to be cherished. He needs to catch up. Casually date others until he figures out he may lose you by NOT having that special relationship with you.


see that's just it, the eyes (and other things), he truly doesn't want to screw it up. he was the first to share this deep connected stuff(though I felt it) I mean he was the first to voice, the first to make a move. if anything I've been resisting because memories can be embellished and morph, but all I can say it turned out real. 

I did write him a letter and let him have it, everything he means to me, what his friendship and faith enabled me to do. he is a very special person to me and I didnt want him dying on me and not knowing, ya know? my conscience is clear on that--I dont' regret telling him. he says he reads the letter a lot and "gets it"/receives it with thankfulness. 

(naturelover, this is not the same person I told you about)

the eyes, I gotta say I've never been looked at with that much before, he just stares into my eyes and smiles.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I could see that last sentence myself.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

the udder stuff, thats fine, But to look into her eyes, her face, with her hair surrounding it. Thats worth much more than the rest.


----------



## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

willow_girl said:


> You can't.
> 
> *If a man wants a woman, nothing will stop him.
> 
> ...


Shouldnt this be true for women too?


----------



## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

Laura said:


> Most men don't understand themselves so try to hide behind self-protective BS. Some of us can see right through it.
> 
> Another thing to remember, WT, both you and I are recovering from serious emotional trauma from bad marriages and are doing quite well. Men who know our situations prefer to take a Wait'n'See with us to make sure we don't turn into basket cases and fall off the deep end.


yes, exactly, the basket case thing. I hate it. it's all part of the plot to bring me down(my husband knew me well)--I am an honest person, if someone really wants to know my story/background, I have to say I'm a widow, my husband shot himself and etc. I'm supposed to be the grieving widow, not many knew we(I) was getting a divorce. the suicide thing feels like a curse on me--I feel like Cain. thanks Laura(really) for helping remember that aspect--I try to forget it so badly. this guy did say he was weirded out by my husband's suicide.

I've been really conflicted to tell new people I meet. For now I say nothing of my sad story, but a few are genuinely interested and press so I say what the hell, here it is. it will all come out at some point and frankly I'd rather them disengage sooner than later. then there's the thing of I was married for so long to an abusive person--I must be needy and desparate and self destructive because I "let" him, the victim thing. NO, I made a vow, and I honored it, and returned good for bad, best I could. Just think what I could do with a good situation.

sorry for going on. and suicide really really sucks.


----------



## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

FarmBoyBill said:


> the udder stuff, thats fine, But to look into her eyes, her face, with her hair surrounding it. Thats worth much more than the rest.


you are very sweet Bill


----------



## Darren (May 10, 2002)

It's really simple until it gets complicated. Just remember three things.

1. The little head oftens controls the big head.

2. A prick has no conscience.

3. None of the above.

If you can find a man who is a constant 3, then it gets complicated. Then as they say in the fine print, "Your results may vary."


----------



## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

Fowler said:


> Shouldnt this be true for women too?


His best girl friend said no. I am sure those millions helped heal his broken heart.

[YOUTUBE]q6E4Cs2H-xE[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

NO, I dont think its true for women, at least as much as for men.

At the very least, its an even thing, BUT I tend to think its more for the men.

Thing is. Just how bad does a man want a woman. Any will do for sex, and men find it hard to find love. Sometimes cause they think the woman wouldnt be interested in them if they knew that he might like to love her, and that would run her off, BUT some women will have sex with a man and not love him, or want to, SO, guys feel there well off getting the sex without pushing the issue.
Getting the sex, is RELATIVELY easy. Finding love is much harder.

Disclamer - Getting sex for a man is ram hard to do. I just ment that, its 5 times harder finding true love. I oughta know more about either than any/most in here.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Dangit did I screw up and saya sweet thing AGAIN. I gotta watch myself, the sale is Sat lol.


----------



## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

Fowler said:


> Shouldnt this be true for women too?


It is. I have been friends with a married man since 10/81. I'm also friends with his wife but B and I were buddies. He discussed things with me (i.e. their adopted daughter finding her birth mother) in ways he couldn't with Anna; she was living the situation also. He knew about my ex; he'd been friends 1st with him but realized what a creep I'd married. We're not in contact right now but there's really nothing wrong except he happened to tell me that if anything ever happened to Anna, he wouldn't mind sharing his life with me. I'd never thought of him that way; it changed the dynamics a bit.

I've had horrible intimate relationships; it seems any male I live with (father, son, ex, TDM) turns out to be lousy for me. Something is terribly wrong with me I know. Which is why I will be friends with men but that's that; I know my personal demons. If you can't accept my needs and respect my feelings, you are not my true friend.


----------



## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

FarmBoyBill said:


> the udder stuff, thats fine, But to look into her eyes, her face, with her hair surrounding it. Thats worth much more than the rest.


Bill, ever' once in a while, you astound me! That was so nicely said!


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Well, ya dont have ta spread it round lol Thanks.


----------



## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Well WT, now that you two have revealed how you both feel toward each other, let it sink in for a bit then ask him,

What are you gonna do about it?


----------



## foxfiredidit (Apr 15, 2003)

Laura said:


> Well WT, now that you two have revealed how you both feel toward each other, let it sink in for a bit then ask him,
> 
> What are you gonna do about it?


Or..(after its had time to sink in for a bit) just walk over to where he's at, and out of the blue clear sky give him your best I Love You kiss...no, not the "I'm all hot for you" kiss, its the other one.

Then...."What are we going to do?"


----------



## HermitJohn (May 10, 2002)

FarmBoyBill said:


> 1. I got one.
> 
> 2.Both our faults, so I got another.
> 
> 3. I got another.


I quit after one. Some of us catch on quicker than others. Big hint, if one starts showing interest, act looney tunes, get distant look in your eye and start singing childhood ditties while skipping around in a circle. They bring you a beer nekid, ignore them and start exaggerated facial and upper body twitching along with some drool oozing out the corner of your mouth while making weird noises. Eventually they will get a clue. All else fails, throw rocks at them. Even the stubbornest woman tends to try to get out of range of that.

Whatever you do, dont turn them down while acting cool, calm, and sober. They will tend to throw rocks at you if you do.


----------



## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> Nah, NNS (not necessarily so) - as much as I love Willow Girl's words, some guys are just freakin shy as heck -


I'll grant you that, but if a woman has made it clear that she's ripe for the pickin', and a man still declines, more often than not, it's because he isn't interested in her. At least not in that way. He probably will make excuses, though, to spare her feelings. ("It's not you, it's me.") In the end, it can be something as simple as physical type -- you (generic "you") are short and he really wants a tall one, or you're built like Twiggy and he's looking for Marilyn Monroe. (BTW, some women have these sorts of preferences, too. It's not just a guy thang!)

It hurts to be told, in effect, "You're not good enough," but don't take it personally. Chemistry is a darned tricky thing! Just keep looking 'til you do find one you click with. 

BTW (and this doesn't apply to WT's situation) this is why I recommend that people who get acquainted over the Internet arrange to meet as soon as possible, before they've invested too much in the 'relationship.' Sometimes, what looks good on paper (or on a computer screen, or over the phone) simply doesn't carry over IRL. No one's to blame -- it's just the way it is. Keep searching!


----------



## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

hey Willow, it's more like I'm "too good" and he feels like he doesn't deserve me(which he's said and I think he sure does--oops I mean he DOES deserve). He is definately VERY into me, the most into I've ever felt from someone ever. Ever. And he's under my skin like nobody else. I can honestly say that all I know for sure.

I'm just going to hang with friends, just float in having some fun, being me, the new fred up me. of course I've got my own "work" to do and now I've got helping my dad through his breakup.


----------



## Laura (May 10, 2002)

wyld thang said:


> hey Willow, it's more like I'm "too good" and he feels like he doesn't deserve me(which he's said and I think he sure does--oops I mean he DOES deserve). He is definately VERY into me, the most into I've ever felt from someone ever. Ever. And he's under my skin like nobody else. I can honestly say that all I know for sure.
> 
> I'm just going to hang with friends, just float in having some fun, being me, the new fred up me. of course I've got my own "work" to do and now I've got helping my dad through his breakup.


Translation from Manspeak to Woman's Heart:

"I'm vulnerable and scared. You are capable of devouring me completely, crushing my bones and walking away stronger. That is what I deserve for being a jerk to everyone my entire life."


----------



## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

ok, ha, my spelling mistake, "new fred up me"--I dont' know anyone named fred and he is not up me. I meant "FREED".


----------



## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

laura, wow(in a good way)

I just want to say this thread is why I'm here at ST, the great group of people, the minds, the hearts. thank you, deeply!


----------



## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

FarmBoyBill said:


> Dangit did I screw up and saya sweet thing AGAIN. I gotta watch myself, the sale is Sat lol.


Bill, I keep saying, you could be the honey under someone else's tongue if you would just talk sweet.


----------



## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

wyld thang said:


> see that's just it, the eyes (and other things), he truly doesn't want to screw it up. he was the first to share this deep connected stuff(though I felt it) I mean he was the first to voice, the first to make a move. if anything I've been resisting because memories can be embellished and morph, but all I can say it turned out real.
> 
> I did write him a letter and let him have it, everything he means to me, what his friendship and faith enabled me to do. he is a very special person to me and I didnt want him dying on me and not knowing, ya know? my conscience is clear on that--I dont' regret telling him. he says he reads the letter a lot and "gets it"/receives it with thankfulness.
> 
> ...


say what needs to be said is all you can do....its all any of us can do actually and then go from there.

the eyes....the eyes tell it all.....yours and his....he was looking into your insides.


----------



## homefire2007 (Sep 21, 2007)

Wyld Thang, if a man wants you...he's gonna take you warts and all. I can't even pretend to say I understand men...but they are nice to have around. It may just be taking some time for this man to come around or he's just happy with things the way they are. Doesn't mean he isn't taken with you....just has other priorities right now. Just like you. You need to heal and just have some fun...nothing too deep right now. Go on with your life and let some time pass, don't try to figure him out.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

And I keep saying id rather be the vinigar. lol


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Wg says, If a man wants a woman, nothing will stop him from trying to get her
Fowler says, Thats true with women too

I say, Then Fowler, if what you say is true, than it must be that nobody wants me, or most of the other guys in here. Like, I dont want to be wanted in one way, BUT it sure seems lonely to think that nobody here would want me.
NOW, some of my De Tractors might say, IF i did this and that, and had this or that, than I could get a woman. BUT if that is true, than this nullifies Flowers remark. EITHER THERES A WOMAN IN HERE WHO WANTS ME BECAUSE OF M E. NOT BECAUSE OF WHAT I AM, HOW I TALK, MY LIFESTYLE, ECT. SHE WANTS ME AS I AM. Thats the meaning I get in Flowers sentence. 
Im always saying, Im not looking, not wanting a woman, BUT according to Flowers statement. None of that would matter. She would just keep plodding through and over all the flypaper I could lay out. That isnt the case.

The upshot is, MEN are far more likely to go through hell to persue a woman, than the other way around. Thats just the way it is. Women make it so. No getting away from it.


----------



## Darren (May 10, 2002)

A lady friend said it best. If it has wheels or balls it's going to cause you problems eventually.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Thats good. Gotta remember that lol lol


----------



## lonelytree (Feb 28, 2008)

Darren said:


> A lady friend said it best. If it has wheels or balls it's going to cause you problems eventually.


In AK it is "If it flys, floats or ***** it is cheaper to rent it."


----------



## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> hey Willow, it's more like I'm "too good" and he feels like he doesn't deserve me


WT, I didn't mean to offend you or to imply that there's anything wrong with you. All I'm saying is that it's not like a man to say, "Oh no, I couldn't possibly -- she's way too good for me." That just isn't how men think, IME. Now they may _say_ something like that to avoid hurting your feelings, because they don't want to admit that it's really because you're too tall/too short/too skinny/too fat (or some other irrational yet compelling criteria that they have). 

Anyway, at the end of the day, some of the best advice I ever received was "Don't chase a man." It doesn't work, and it just makes you feel worse about yourself in the end. Hold your head high and keep looking for one who thinks you're all that and a bag o' chips! You are a lovely and spirited woman. You'll find him!


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Suppose we men followed your advice WG. Dont chase a woman. It dosent work, and it definatly makes you feel worse about yourself if/when you stop her long enough for her to tell you to drop dead. Hold the upper head high, and the lower one low and keep looking.lol, Life wouldnt get very far. Forget about love


----------



## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

willow_girl said:


> WT, I didn't mean to offend you or to imply that there's anything wrong with you. All I'm saying is that it's not like a man to say, "Oh no, I couldn't possibly -- she's way too good for me." That just isn't how men think, IME. Now they may _say_ something like that to avoid hurting your feelings, because they don't want to admit that it's really because you're too tall/too short/too skinny/too fat (or some other irrational yet compelling criteria that they have).
> 
> Anyway, at the end of the day, some of the best advice I ever received was "Don't chase a man." It doesn't work, and it just makes you feel worse about yourself in the end. Hold your head high and keep looking for one who thinks you're all that and a bag o' chips! You are a lovely and spirited woman. You'll find him!


thank you Willow :0) (just sayin I wasn't offended)

reflecting and remembering, and I'll give this a few weeks to rest and perk. It definately wasn't "goodbye" at all. I think what happened was his heart and emotions got ahead of his head and his head needs to catch up, and when logic takes over and remembers past failures things get unsure. 

I think maybe when something or someone has been carried in your mind for so long, and then they're a real person your eyes take awhile to adjust to the sunlight. In any case I know what he FEELS for me, and that's a good place to start. He's always treated me with kindness, been a gentleman, and respected me in my decisions in my life, and trusted my heart to guide me(along with giant fire in the furnace). That scores really big point in my book, especially after what I've been though.

You guys are awesome, you've really helped me think through this. 

Also just wanted to add for my situation it's been a blessing getting to know new people, on a clean slate as it were. A few I've told my story if I think they can take it, but it's nice to get to know people and my past is no tthe elephant in the room. I'm just me.


----------



## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

wyld thang said:


> I think what happened was his heart and emotions got ahead of his head and his head needs to catch up, and when logic takes over and remembers past failures things get unsure.


That is why there are so many single people hanging out around here. The baggage gets in the way. Sometimes I think certain people haven't been happy in so long that they don't know how to do it.


----------



## Guest (Jul 6, 2012)

You must never sleep. I like that.


----------



## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

Me? I have problems sleeping. Littlejoe made a comment on one of these threads about people being on the internet. Well, I am here because I can either go to a Waffle House or come online to find other humans that are awake.


----------



## Guest (Jul 6, 2012)

I figure there will be plenty of time for sleep after I'm dead.


----------



## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

A more fitting come back line would be, "There are better things to do than sleep."


----------



## Guest (Jul 6, 2012)

That's probably why I ain't dead.


----------



## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> Suppose we men followed your advice WG. Dont chase a woman. It dosent work, and it definatly makes you feel worse about yourself if/when you stop her long enough for her to tell you to drop dead. Hold the upper head high, and the lower one low and keep looking.lol, Life wouldnt get very far. Forget about love


Ahh, but that's how it works, Bill. Men are naturally the pursuers ...

The most a woman can do is to be caught very easily ...

Or, as Mother used to say, "He chased her 'til she caught him."


----------



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

willow_girl said:


> Anyway, at the end of the day, some of the best advice I ever received was "Don't chase a man." It doesn't work, and it just makes you feel worse about yourself in the end. Hold your head high and keep looking for one who thinks you're all that and a bag o' chips! You are a lovely and spirited woman. You'll find him!


I have (2) gf that LOVE the 'thrill of the chase'.
You know, the hunting, flirting, the fire and excitement of it all......
And after they "catch 'em"........the gals get 'bored'. 
The relationship is a yawn.
So back on the hunt they go.

They chose men who are easily enticed and easily subdued. Both gf's are STRONG women. In every aspect.
So it gets old being the leader.(the female)
It's fun at first, you know, being able to dominate.......but after a while, it's old.


----------



## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> I have (2) gf that LOVE the 'thrill of the chase'.
> You know, the hunting, flirting, the fire and excitement of it all......
> And after they "catch 'em"........the gals get 'bored'.
> The relationship is a yawn.
> ...


Sounds like more sociopaths.


----------



## mplatt4 (Mar 24, 2007)

I think most of us tend to try to find someone we like looking at instead of looking for someone we like. And some of us are looking for someone who can make us happy when in fact no one can make us happy if we are not happy with ourselves. And we also have a habit to think we can change the person to fit our needs when in fact no one changes unless they want to change. I have lived alone for about 8 years now and find I get along better with myself than anyone I have ever lived with lol that doesnt mean I like to be alone it just means I have come to a point in my life that I am looking for someone I want to be with instead of thinking I need someone. We are all hard headed in our own way and sooner or later we all must except the fact that no matter who your with you have to put up with a certain amount of bull and they must put up with a certain amount from you. the only choice we have is how much bull and of what kind. I started out life as a real socialite thinking I had to be out and about every night and turned into a almost hermit who loves solitude and the old way of life.Trouble is I never meet anyone even close to this here in the Ozarks most either want out of here or want a city life in a country setting or have vices I never got into (drugs and drinking to much). Anyway these are just my thoughts they may be right or they may be wrong but there mine lol.:hobbyhors:hobbyhors


----------



## Vickie44 (Jul 27, 2010)

mplatt 4 , I ve got to agree with everything you've said ! Welcome to ST


----------



## lurnin2farm (Jun 10, 2012)

Also agree 100% mplatt. I've been alone for a few years now, well sort of. Had a couple GF's but nothing serious. I like being alone. When there's something to do, I do it, I dont have to worry about what someone else is thinking or worry about hurting their feelings because I am busy doing stuff around here. Relationships are a lot of work. 

I tried the FWB thing too and even dated women 1/2 my age to avoid the "falling in love thing" My last live in GF was 20 years younger and set to inherit millions (Daddy was a big wig at a major company everyone would know). She was looney and should have been locked up. I couldn't get rid of her fast enough. 

This probably sounds like I don't want love or anyone in my life. I do but I'm a simple type of person. Dont buy useless stuff, dont get into debt (except for my house that I bought 2 1/2 years ago... 2 more payments) I dont mind being poor (some of the happiest people I know are poor). The problem I find is most women are looking for security (Financial) and I'm ok with that. The problem is once they find it they tend to start thinking bigger and want to start spending on useless stuff. They tend to fall in love with your wallet. I'd rather find someone who is into my lifestyle (Self sufficiency) So we have common interests and work together to achieve those goals. Which brings me to the OP....
Do you see yourself with this guy living his lifestyle or do you expect him to change for you? If he's a workaholic and is always gone working it doesn't sound like much of a relationship. If this lifestyle is what your looking for and your not looking to have someone around 24/7 then it may work out great. If you look at yourself honestly and know in your heart you would need more of his time than he can give then it probably wont work. If he has to give up some work to be with you he will resent that later. It will always be in his mind that he had a goal to retire early and retirement had to be put off a few years because of you and your needs. Things could change and he may be willing to make that sacrifice for the love of a good woman but he has to make that decision first. My advice would be to keep the friendship and let it grow into more if its going to. Don't force the issue (Sounds like your aren't) and if he decides to change his lifestyle in the future your there for him. If he doesn't then you need to decide if this is for you. Good luck with everything.


----------

