# Looking and getting so discouraged*sigh*



## Alice Kramden

Again, talking about being on POF. The guys do not respond to my messages. Makes me sad. I've messaged a few that look good, where we seem to have common interests. Never hear from them. I can only guess that once they see my age, they figure I'm "granny" or something. They are in the 56-57 year age group, and I have specified 56 to 65 in the age field. 

There have been a few "creeps" that sent a message, that is bound to happen, and I deleted them without comment. 

One guy I really, really want to contact has his upper age limit for contact set at 61, which I am past. I can't even send him a message, the system kicks it out. 

Gee, being considered old is the pits. I. am. not. old. 

Need some encouragement, if you please, folks.


----------



## nehimama

Keep your chin up, and keep trying! I met my fellow thru POF, just about when I was going to throw in the towel, and he is a KEEPER.


----------



## roadless

I'm in the same boat Alice, the men that I am interested in are not interested in me....and vice-versa.
In general don't mind being alone but at times. .......


----------



## Alice Kramden

Yeah, it's the being alone I can't stand anymore. I want male companionship, and all that entails, and there are a few on there that I find very attractive. But, they do not respond. 

Jeeze, this one I can't message is good looking, 61, and tours the USA on his Harley. That is my dream. I can't even let him know I'm interested. He doesn't drink, either. 

Another lives right up the interstate in the next town. He's 57, we have many, many things in common, I messaged him yesterday. No response. 

Darn good lookin' guy over in Georgia, same story, 57, message him, no response. 

Gonna have to get some better pics made, I guess. Show me running a chain saw or riding a horse or something, just to let them see I'm not in the nursing home. Ha!


----------



## WolfWalksSoftly

If they are judging you by looks instead of your personality, or the content of your heart, you don't want them anyway. Sometimes cupid comes when you aren't expecting.


----------



## Sourdough

Get a box full of 8 week old puppies. The puppies will be happy, and you will be loved unconditionally just as you are.


----------



## painterswife

WolfWalksSoftly said:


> If they are judging you by looks instead of your personality, or the content of your heart, you don't want them anyway. Sometimes cupid comes when you aren't expecting.


You are absolutely right. It takes some time and the right one can be the one you did not consider at first glance. Worked for me. Married 16 years to someone I would have not looked at twice. Thankfully we both got past the first impressions.


----------



## WolfWalksSoftly

I noticed even a narcissist has a wife and she even works, don't know if she knows it or not..just sayin.


----------



## nehimama

Alice, you're NOT just lookin' at the good-lookin' ones, now, are you?? My sweetie had the absolute DORKIEST photo on his POF profile. I hemmed & hawed, then figured I'd go ahead, and perhaps he had a personality that transcends a lame photo. AND HE DOES!!! Oh, and this is NOT the pic from his profile.


----------



## nehimama

Sometimes you can pique their interest by clicking on the "Show Interest" button or "Add To Favorites",


----------



## Sourdough

In Alaska men can't be picky or even have a color preference. And if she is kind'a ugly, and a bear to live with.........at least she is warm and fuzzy.....:icecream::icecream:


----------



## Alice Kramden

Good looking is subjective. What appeals to me might not to someone else, and vice-versa. I have a preference for a certain look, and that is the one that draws my attention. If I don't feel that attraction, that look, that connection, there's no point in lingering. Honestly, I figure they are doing the same with my pic. 

I do not wear makeup, my hair is slowly growing out, and I wear glasses. I have lines in my face. Just out of curiosity, I did a search for women in my age group to see what the men have to pick from. Some of them are made up and gorgeous, some of them are ordinary, and some of them are, well, homely, to put it politely. Naturally, the men want to connect with the pretty ones, if they even stay in that age group looking. I figure they all want younger, mid-forties to mid-fifties, at least. 

Sad to have to accept that when you get into your sixties, they see you as being Mom, on an unconscious level, and you become invisible as far as having a physical relationship with you. (My own armchair psychology at work.)

Nehimama, I have favorited three of them, and returned to view their profile multiple times, thus leaving a notification that I had viewed it. Makes me feel like a stalker. And, yes, your guy's pic would be clickable, there is that something there, you felt it, knew it and clicked. 

Sourdough, haha, don't want a bunch of puppies, got enough worries with cats. 

Its just that I feel, and I could be wrong, that when they see "64" they run. In their minds, they probably see the typical little old lady, frail, bent over, shuffling along, dentures, blue hair, etc., all the stereotypes. That ain't me. 

My pic shows me at the walking track, my profile states I walk 7 miles every morning, and am in excellent shape, weigh 110 lbs. No, I am not some gorgeous, made up doll, I am a real person, nothing fake, phony, or photoshopped. My caption is "Can you keep up with me?"

Don't know if I can do this or not, but go look for here4u58. THAT is a good looking man, to me, I could look at him all day. Sent him two messages. No response. 

Just have to try to get better pics to post, I guess. Should have lied about my age, heh, everyone else does.


----------



## roadless

He has an appeal Alice, but I adored stream in his profile! : )
In general I find the ones around my age want a younger woman......


----------



## Alice Kramden

Yep, they want the young stuff, figuring we're all used up, dried up, and no longer have the fire and passion. 

How wrong they are. :teehee: :whistlin:


----------



## nehimama

Word to the wise; I learned that, if you click on "Show Interest", POF generates a lame message, apparently from you, along the lines of 'Hey there". Can it get any lamer???

Unbelievably, my sweetie responded to that!!!! We got a conversation going from there; one thing led to another. Next thing I knew, I'd moved lock, stock & barrel from MO to AR. 

On the other hand, I'd taken an interest in other profiles, composed polite introductory messages, touching on one or two points of interests, sent them, and got NO RESPONSES. I figured, "Their loss".


----------



## FarmerJoe

> Word to the wise; I learned that, if you click on "Show Interest", POF generates a lame message, apparently from you, along the lines of 'Hey there". Can it get any lamer???


 I wondered why several women all said the same "Hey there", was driving me nuts. One looked interesting so I replied, told her all about my day. She asks where my town is and how far away it is. I had already did map quest and knew she was an hour and a half away. I figure if they can't bother to look it up themselves they aren't really interested.

There is someone on POF that is in the next town over, maybe 15 miles away, or less. I sent her a message a few days ago hoping to get her attention and have her at least check out my profile. But it doesn't look like she has. I'm thinking what to put in a second message. I think it would be much easier to date someone close than half way across the country.


----------



## FarmboyBill

Can you change your age boundrys on POF. I changed mine on FO, from 45 to 50. Still getting 45s on up


----------



## thericeguy

Alice, I am sorry that you are feeling discouraged. I used Match and eHarmony and ran into the same scenario. The women just didn't answer. Its hurtful. A polite no thank you would do, but silence can get awefully thick. 

I would like to remind you, tonight there are men laying in their bed alone just wondering how in the heck they are ever going to meet someone just like you. And coming up with a blank. 

Stick with it and never settle. Good luck.


----------



## COSunflower

Alot of the profiles may be old and the person is "taken". And I often wonder how many profiles are fake - just put on there to generate enthusiasm for the site??? I like meeting people in real life from where I live. You can see exactly how they interact with other people and also talk to people that have known them in the past. I do think that men prefer someone quite a bit younger to make themselves feel younger and more sexual and once a woman hits 50 they consider them over the hill in relationship material....too set in their own ways, grandkids and families to care for - perhaps elderly parents. And I have heard men say that they want someone to take care of THEM - not someone that THEY have to take care of during the last years of their lives. Very shallow and self centered but true.


----------



## vicker

I have s profile there that must be 8 years old. I never check it. I get notifications of activity from it, but have never followed up op most of them. I haven't been actively looking since about 2011. I think I've responded to two over that time, and none in the last 2-3 years. I really ought to delete it but, it's probably a lot of trouble. I'd have to go to the library.


----------



## FarmerJoe

First let me say that everyone gets to choose who they think is best for them.

And it has been pointed out and always will be that "men are looking for someone younger". For many reasons. But Alice you are looking for someone up to 8 years younger than yourself but only willing to go one year older. So does the same thing apply to you? Do you thing a man who is 67 is used up and worn out?


----------



## Matthew_70

Alice Kramden said:


> Again, talking about being on POF. The guys do not respond to my messages. Makes me sad. I've messaged a few that look good, where we seem to have common interests. Never hear from them. I can only guess that once they see my age, they figure I'm "granny" or something. They are in the 56-57 year age group, and I have specified 56 to 65 in the age field.
> 
> There have been a few "creeps" that sent a message, that is bound to happen, and I deleted them without comment.
> 
> One guy I really, really want to contact has his upper age limit for contact set at 61, which I am past. I can't even send him a message, the system kicks it out.
> 
> Gee, being considered old is the pits. I. am. not. old.
> 
> Need some encouragement, if you please, folks.


PoF is a good service, but not really focused on people like us. If you're 28, want to find someone to sex for the next few weeks, and don't mind getting sick from it, it's great. But while there are good people on it, and you might find one, it's not really keyed for a homesteader.

I've had a profile on there for about 15 years. In that time I've seen it get really busy, and occasionally got a date. But only about one a year. Now, I'm not bad looking, 48 year ago, own my house, make good money, and have a good solid healthy lifestyle... and I put in my profile, "Long Term Only."

You can do well on your profile, but make it positive, put in good pics showing you doing things you enjoy (NOT selfies,) and list your interests.


----------



## motdaugrnds

This has been an interesting thread. I live alone but have not even coNsidered looking for a man. Seems someone has always found me thru the years; then I discover we have little to nothing in common.

I know the "outward" appearance is what shows up first; however, when I look at a person, it is their "character" that either draws me to them or pushes me away. I've seen many men others would call "a good catch" yet my idea of a "good catch" is apparently not what others' idea is. (Not long ago I even had a "mountain man" tell me "You scare men off don't you." Ummmm well, he didn't go so whatever that meant it must not have worked on him.) I do know my senses are quite strong and, with all the personal/behavioral/psychological education/training/experiences I've had I have a pretty good idea how a relationship is going to end before it ever gets started. Yes, I do realize this is a good thing; yet just think of all the fun I miss due to this....

Being up in years now, i.e. 75 yrs old keeps me from getting out of the house and venturing into the public areas as often as I'ld like; however, I've never been one who actually needs others around me. I can be alone without feeling lonely. Yes, I'ld like the companionship of a "wholesome" man near my age; yet I really don't need this. Of course, I live on a farm with all kinds of pets I can cuddle with. This certainly negates sexual excursions yet is quite satisfying emotionally/spiritually.

Guess what I'm saying is looking for companionship is something I'm just not doing. Nor am I even interested in doing; and with all the dysfunctional personalities in this world today, I sure wouldn't do this over the internet. Now don't jump on me. I'm not belittling any of you for doing so. It is just not something I want to do.

ROFL And do any of you truly think any man would be interested in communicating with someone who looks like this after a hard day of working in the garden? ROFL


----------



## roadless

Motgaugrns, I seem to be naturally heading in a similar direction, and I am okay with that.


----------



## Sourdough

If we look at the motivating reasons for why humans develop bonded long term relationships, few of those motivations exist in today's social and economic environment for young adults........and nearly none exist for those beyond child raising period of life-cycle.


----------



## Alice Kramden

FarmerJoe, mea culpa, guilty as charged. I need to rethink some things, don't I? 

Getting an idea of someone's personality can't really be done by looking at a picture of them, you have to meet and be around them for a bit. That's what its all about, I guess. In the old days of no computers, cell phones, or social media, guys and girls used to actually meet in person at all sort of venues. There, they could mix and mingle, experience each other face to face and get an idea of who they liked and who they would like to spend more time with. I think it worked better that way. 

I've gotten into the habit, over the past 30 years or so, of not going anywhere, just staying at home all the time. Online matching seems to be for people like me, and others who are busy all the time. I have no idea where I would go, what I would do when I got there, and what I'd do if some guy tried to talk to me. It is something out of my experience. 

That's one reason I'm trying the online thing, at least I can read about them and see if we have anything in common. 

One other thing I guess is a put off for them, is that I don't drink and don't want to go to bars. That seems to be the number one spot to go to for everyone. I just don't care for those places. Tried that a long, long time ago, and felt so silly and out of place. 

Anyhow, as FarmerJoe suggests, I will change my age limits (thank you, sir) and hopefully this weekend get some better pics made to put up.


----------



## painterswife

Pictures don't do people justice. They don't accurately portray their personality. Like I said my husband would not have been someone I would have been attracted to in a first impression. I now know that I ignored a lot of really great guys because of a sort of tunnel vision in my early years.

It worked out for me because I found him but only because at the time digital pictures barely existed and we had to get to know each other before we judged each other by looks.


----------



## WolfWalksSoftly

It wasn't supposed to work out this way. I wonder if things really are as different as they seem today as opposed to our parents generation. What was the glue that kept them together? 
My parents divorced when I was young. I remember the stigmatism that came from being from a broken home.


----------



## Sourdough

The "GLUE" was "SURVIVAL".....(The deep desire to avoid social and economic DEATH of themselves and their children).................pure and simply they needed to to be paired-up for survival in the social and economic environment that then existed. We now live in a fabricated artificial social and economic experimental environment. And this experiment is just about to crash, primarily because of the economic illusion of false (Debt driven) prosperity we have fabricated, which is NOT sustainable long term. 




WolfWalksSoftly said:


> What was the glue that kept them together?


----------



## Nsoitgoes

WolfWalksSoftly said:


> If they are judging you by looks instead of your personality, or the content of your heart, you don't want them anyway. Sometimes cupid comes when you aren't expecting.


It is not that I disagree with you. BUT Alice is judging on photos, as do most people. That is the first thing they see and the first thing on which they base their opinion of you. 

This may not be a popular stand, but I would get all gussied up - make-up, hair, dress up - and put a couple of those photos up, too, as well as those with a chain saw.

As an aside - I met my sweetie on POF too. He is in town for a week, and we only met in person yesterday after 2 months of emails, texts, phone calls and Skype. We are meeting again today, so it looks promising so far...


----------



## FarmboyBill

Dad said, back in the old days, up to the 60s, single women used to flock to the bars on Sat. Bars allowed them, as they brought in the men, and men bought themselves and the women drinks. As long as everything was social, they were welcome. When a woman attracted 2 guys at the same time, and they caused trouble, they all were run out.
Now that women can work almost anywhere and make a wage, they don't feel the need to get fixed up to try to snag some poor unsuspecting slob lol


----------



## frogmammy

Alice Kramden said:


> ....In their minds, they probably see the typical little old lady, frail, bent over, shuffling along, dentures, blue hair, etc., all the stereotypes....


Question is, is that how YOU see 64 year old women? Not raggin' on you, just curious....

Mon


----------



## Nsoitgoes

FarmboyBill said:


> Now that women can work almost anywhere and make a wage, they don't feel the need to get fixed up to try to snag some poor unsuspecting slob lol


That's right. We can now afford to be more picky about the slobs we pick up. When I was young, women (by and large) had a couple of choices. Get married or be a typist or a nurse. It was instilled in us that being a "wife and mother" would be our greatest fulfillment. Many women married more because it was supposed to be the path to happiness than anything. Unfortunately, for some of us that just wasn't true.

I love my kids, but I also enjoyed the intellectual satisfaction of working at a challenging job. I am, and have always been, a strong and independent person. Being the "little woman" didn't suit me at all.

I realize it poses a problem for some men that they have to make an effort in order to snag one of these independent women. That it is hard for them to accept us as an equal. I, for one, don't miss the old attitudes at all.


----------



## Alice Kramden

frogmammy, no, I am living proof that it isn't always that way, However, I do see a lot of Little Old Ladies, LOLs, in the stores and thank God for my health and physical condition.


----------



## FarmboyBill

N I don't see a bit of difference in approaching a woman who is independent than approaching a woman who isn't. Either or are just hard to approach.

Now, and its funny,. IF im not interested in a woman, then it dosnt bother me at all to start small talk at the sale. BUTT, IF I get interested in one, all that bravado goes out the wondo. Go figger


----------



## frogmammy

I think there's quite a few women over 64 who do NOT fit your description, many of them here. I know an 84 year old woman working at checkout in the local Lowe's garden center that could *easily* pass for her early to mid-60's. 

My aunt, at 87 was working part time because "staying home is boring". She quit her job so she could go help her daughter take care of a son who was dying. I asked her if she was intending to go back to work afterwords, and she said she already "had several prospects lined up". 

Get out, go DO things. Staying at home with no interests just makes you older.

Mon


----------



## FarmerJoe

I agree with Nsoitgoes about having a good picture. The old saying about one chance to make a first impression. I appreciate a natural look also but unkempt is rarely a good look. I see a lot with a frownie face, the resting witch face look, and the first thing I think is having to look at that at breakfast for the rest of my life. It just brings down whatever positive she has in her profile.

I had read an article once where a dating site hid all the photos for a day as an experiment. There was a lot of messaging going on, but when they put the photos back up, most of it stopped and went back to normal when the people saw the other person they were chatting with. It's why they say a good photo gets the best results.

Everyone is looking for what attracts them, and everyone is different. You just have to put it out there and hope to stumble across the person that likes what you have and has what you like. Crap... as if that's ever gonna happen! Lol


----------



## Sourdough

I am sticking with the puppy idea.


----------



## thericeguy

For a female it is easy. 

"I need sex at least 10 times a week, but you have to earn it". Your profile will see lots of tries at earning it.


----------



## rkintn

thericeguy said:


> For a female it is easy.
> 
> 
> 
> "I need sex at least 10 times a week, but you have to earn it". Your profile will see lots of tries at earning it.



I'm adding this to my pof profile lol


----------



## Alice Kramden

HA-HA, bet that would get results! (Probably the kind you don't need)


----------



## Nsoitgoes

thericeguy said:


> For a female it is easy.
> 
> "I need sex at least 10 times a week, but you have to earn it". Your profile will see lots of tries at earning it.


I think most women see several tries without that quote. I would bet most of the women here have had at least a couple of messages with offers to allow them to sample the wares.


----------



## Nsoitgoes

FarmboyBill said:


> N I don't see a bit of difference in approaching a woman who is independent than approaching a woman who isn't. Either or are just hard to approach.
> 
> Now, and its funny,. IF im not interested in a woman, then it dosnt bother me at all to start small talk at the sale. BUTT, IF I get interested in one, all that bravado goes out the wondo. Go figger


It isn't the approach that is the problem for some - maybe even most - men. It is the "snagging". Many women now don't need men for the material stuff. If they want something they can buy it from their own earnings, or if they want something done they are either confident enough to do it themselves or they can afford to hire it out. Many men, particularly older men, find that somewhat threatening.

Now women want men to be friends, companions and lovers on an honest and equal footing. That requires quite the adjustment for some. The upside of this is that by and large you will now be chosen for who you are rather than what you can provide.

As far as your second paragraph goes. My armchair psychologist says that with women in whom you are not interested, it doesn't really matter to you whether she responds or not to your conversation so you are relaxed and natural - thus making it more likely that she *will* respond. With women who *do* interest you however, the reverse is true. You are worried about the impression you give so your conversation may seem contrived to them. They will respond to that, too...


----------



## Alice Kramden

Bingo! Middle paragraph is dead on. I'm not interested in what material goods you have, I'm interested in who and what you are.


----------



## Sourdough

I agree with what you have stated. This current environment has evolved over a period of of about 75 years, having started this (social/economic) evolution roughly shortly after the end of World War II.

If we assume that this social & economic experiment is sustainable, then it is likely to require at least a few more generations (say, 75 more years) before the unintended ramifications (which this thread subject is a perfect example) to resolve themselves (one way or another).

It is my opinion that this social/economic experiment is in the very final stages of total failure. *This is not to say that the goal was flawed*, the problem is that the economic foundation which allowed this social experiment is an illusion. 

The social and economic ramifications of the "Re-Set" will be horrific at best. 

Which is why I feel we should not be looking for a partner based on protracted current social/economic conditions, but should be questing for a partner to enhance survival of the coming "Re-set".





Nsoitgoes said:


> It isn't the approach that is the problem for some - maybe even most - men. It is the "snagging". Many women now don't need men for the material stuff. If they want something they can buy it from their own earnings, or if they want something done they are either confident enough to do it themselves or they can afford to hire it out. Many men, particularly older men, find that somewhat threatening.
> 
> Now women want men to be friends, companions and lovers on an honest and equal footing. That requires quite the adjustment for some. The upside of this is that by and large you will now be chosen for who you are rather than what you can provide.
> ...


----------



## Sourdough

Maybe it is time to look for sustainable mate solutions outside of the current matrix.


----------



## Sourdough

I am more interested in what skills a partner brings. I think that the older I get, the more pragmatic I have become.



Alice Kramden said:


> Bingo! Middle paragraph is dead on. I'm not interested in what material goods you have, I'm interested in who and what you are.


----------



## Nsoitgoes

Sourdough said:


> It is my opinion that this social/economic experiment is in the very final stages of total failure. *This is not to say that the goal was flawed*, the problem is that the economic foundation which allowed this social experiment is an illusion.
> 
> *Why do you say it is a "social experiment", and why do you think it is a total failure? From my perspective I see plenty of benefits for both genders. Granted, that is under current conditions but I do not see women giving up their hard-earned independence to be thrust back into the narrow roles that were once their only options. If we are indeed faced with a major upheaval I would expect women to take their place as equals, and to do whatever tasks they need to do in order for whatever unit - be it family, cooperative, or whatever - to survive.*
> 
> The social and economic ramifications of the "Re-Set" will be horrific at best.
> 
> Which is why I feel we should not be looking for a partner based on protracted current social/economic conditions, but should be questing for a partner to enhance survival of the coming "Re-set".


If we are to find partners who will enhance our survival chances come the Zombie Apocalypse, will we not be needing partners upon whom we can rely? Who we treat as equals and with respect?


----------



## Sourdough

The short answer is.........YES. The longer answer is that while that is important, for me the higher priority is skills. As an aside note: I do not subscribe to zombies, other than banks and governments.



Nsoitgoes said:


> If we are to find partners who will enhance our survival chances come the Zombie Apocalypse, will we not be needing partners upon whom we can rely? Who we treat as equals and with respect?


----------



## Sourdough

*
While that sounds good, I expect the coming events to transpire so rapidly, that females will be stunned at the skills required, and zero time for on the task training. I should add that also 99.0% of males will also be stunned at what is required, as compared to their existing skill-set. It is going to require a HELL'of a lot more of males than just owning an assault rifle, ammo and camping gear.




""Why do you say it is a "social experiment", and why do you think it is a total failure? From my perspective I see plenty of benefits for both genders. Granted, that is under current conditions but I do not see women giving up their hard-earned independence to be thrust back into the narrow roles that were once their only options. If we are indeed faced with a major upheaval I would expect women to take their place as equals, and to do whatever tasks they need to do in order for whatever unit - be it family, cooperative, or whatever - to survive"".*


----------



## thericeguy

I just want to point out a society can have 100% strict gender defined roles or 100% completely fluid gender roles, or any and all combinations in between the two. Any one of those societies could treat women as second class citizens or as equals. 

Being a female welder will not cause society to treat you as an equal.

Oddly enough, womans free choice to not work and to raise children is often harrassed by the people arguing for free choice in all things. 

I am a stay at home dad. I cook and clean. Maybe not very good, but I do. Our household works just fine. I feel zero shame.


----------



## oneraddad

1600 posts in a few months while your wife is at work and the kids in school and you feel no shame ?


----------



## thericeguy

oneraddad said:


> 1600 posts in a few months while your wife is at work and the kids in school and you feel no shame ?


Absolutely correct. Guess it is 1601 now. Some of you folks seems fascinated by how many posts someone has.


----------



## Alice Kramden

Sourdough, what exactly do you expect to happen? I'm curious, not being a smarty. Economic collapse, sudden and unexpected? Such as what Venezuela is going through? Or, civil war, international war, or planned and organized riots of such extent to shut the country down? I really want to know what people are expecting to happen. I'm way out of the loop from years ago when I kept up with things. 

Please, yall discuss this. If we need to start a new thread, someone do so. I want to know. I'm afraid I have become so focused on my own problems that everything else has faded into the background. 

Some sort of collapse of Western civilization?


----------



## Sourdough

The most honest answer I can give you is, "I don't Know". But speaking just for myself, it really does not matter. a.) There is zero that I can do to prevent any event of this type. b.) there is much that I can do to prepare. I am 69 y/o and no longer feel that I am doing this for myself. I have accepted that I am doing it for someone else. I have no idea who.




Alice Kramden said:


> Sourdough, what exactly do you expect to happen? I'm curious, not being a smarty. Economic collapse, sudden and unexpected? Such as what Venezuela is going through? Or, civil war, international war, or planned and organized riots of such extent to shut the country down? I really want to know what people are expecting to happen. I'm way out of the loop from years ago when I kept up with things.
> 
> Please, yall discuss this. If we need to start a new thread, someone do so. I want to know. I'm afraid I have become so focused on my own problems that everything else has faded into the background.
> 
> Some sort of collapse of Western civilization?


----------



## Nsoitgoes

oneraddad said:


> 1600 posts in a few months while your wife is at work and the kids in school and you feel no shame ?


I feel compelled to say that as long as he is doing the housework, the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, the yard work, getting the kids ready for school, picking them up, arranging and organizing their after school activities - i.e. everything a stay at home mom would do - I see no reason for him to feel any shame. As long as one partner is working and earning sufficient to maintain the family, and one partner is tending to the home and children I do not see that it matters which partner serves in which role.


----------



## thericeguy

Nsoitgoes said:


> I feel compelled to say that as long as he is doing the housework, the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, the yard work, getting the kids ready for school, picking them up, arranging and organizing their after school activities - i.e. everything a stay at home mom would do - I see no reason for him to feel any shame. As long as one partner is working and earning sufficient to maintain the family, and one partner is tending to the home and children I do not see that it matters which partner serves in which role.


Thank you. I also take care of our garden and livestock. Mow the pasture. Build fence. I think dad just came through in a different era. Things were different then. Its wrong to judge older views by newer standards. I am no spring chicken, but not a tweenie either.


----------



## WolfWalksSoftly

I did all the chores outside (3 horses, 2 fenced pastures,20 cheekins, 3 dogs, cut and split wood,garden) AND worked and helped with inside chores too. I would never allow myself to be supported by a woman. Call me old fashioned.


----------



## Laura Zone 5

Alice......*my personal experience w/ POF / FO is this:*

I was very honest in my profile (I am not about the 'hook up', I don't kiss on the first date and probably not the second date either; my interests were homesteading, etc)

I put up several photos. One where I am on the ground working on my Jeep, one where I had make up and my hair done, and everything inbetween. That way I was not putting only my 'best' photos on line. Again, trying to be up front.

I was very clear that I would like to message for a couple weeks before we met, so that we can get a good idea if meeting is the right decision....

I set my age bracket from 45-55 (I am 50).

EVERY DAY some clown would message me "Good luck getting a date" or "I'm the one to change your mind about kissing on the first date" or "What's wrong with kissing?"

Made the mistake of texting w/ one clown. Told him out of the gate that I wanted to message for a couple weeks, before we met. At about day 4 I saw the red flags, on day 7, he goes into full blown psycho mode. Calling me while he is super drunk and scary. 

I deleted my profile on both sites.
I picked up a second job to fill my time.
I will volunteer for Habitat for Humanity when I have spare time.

I AM enough. I AM an amazing woman. I HAVE a lot to offer.
I will not 'shop' myself on line like an item on Amazon anymore.
That was the most exhausting, self-deflating thing I have done in a long time.

YMMV


----------



## po boy

I'm 69 and happily married. If I were single, I just don't see doing the on line thing. I believe I would have better luck finding like minded people at the farm store, garden center, grocery store or the local senior center. Other options would be local parks, ball fields, library and churches....


----------



## Alice Kramden

Sheesh, Laura, that's awful. Glad you saw how it was developing and got out. 

Past the first week, about a month ago, I haven't even gotten a message. They look, and I guess turn around and run away. There have been two questionable ones who came on when I first put my profile up. One "says" his wife is handicapped and he is looking for "___" that's as far as I read, before I deleted it. The other was promising me the most wonderful massages, every other word was candles and massages, deleted without responding, jeeze guy, c'mon. 

Since then, the silence of the tomb. Another thing that gets me, I clearly state that I don't drink or party, and here they come, their profiles declare they want a beer drinking, laid back party girl for fun, fun, fun. Heh, I guess reading comprehension is not a priority with some of them, huh?

It has not bothered me to be alone until the past year or so. Now, I have changed and want male companionship. The one I wanted does not want me, so here I am, looking. I've been by myself for all my adult life, so I really don't know what you do when you have a guy around. (Please hold the adult jokes, people!) I've never done anything as a couple. I'm lost. I hope that if I find one, he will be patient and understand this is like going back to high school and that first date for me. 

Gonna rewrite my profile, too, as well as get some better pics of me to put up. I'll run it by you guys first.


----------



## oneraddad

thericeguy said:


> Thank you. I also take care of our garden and livestock. Mow the pasture. Build fence. I think dad just came through in a different era. Things were different then. Its wrong to judge older views by newer standards. I am no spring chicken, but not a tweenie either.



Just think what you could get done if you didn't waste your time here. This isn't about male or female rolls, it's about you spending so much time here while you have a family to raise. I'm alone most of the time so I waste only my time, I couldn't imagine doing this while I was raising a family.


----------



## oneraddad

WolfWalksSoftly said:


> I did all the chores outside (3 horses, 2 fenced pastures,20 cheekins, 3 dogs, cut and split wood,garden) AND worked and helped with inside chores too. I would never allow myself to be supported by a woman. Call me old fashioned.



Yep, as a single Dad of three children I also did most of the chores and held down a full time job.


----------



## Terri

Half of the farm wives in Kansas hold down a job while their husbands tend the cattle and repair fences. 

I also do not think that kids care which parent washes their sheets or vacuums the rug. I figure their parents are taking care of their own lives.


----------



## Nsoitgoes

WolfWalksSoftly said:


> I did all the chores outside (3 horses, 2 fenced pastures,20 cheekins, 3 dogs, cut and split wood,garden) AND worked and helped with inside chores too. I would never allow myself to be supported by a woman. Call me old fashioned.


Much as I admire you, I *will* call you old fashioned on this. I have been in the situation where I was a stay at home mom, a working mom with a working husband, and a stay at home homesteader with a working husband. I can tell you that (personally) I would have no problem with having a "house husband" who would do all the household chores for me, have fresh clothes ready when I needed them and a nicely cooked meal when I got home from work. I would do all the outside chores and the animal care (because that I what I enjoy doing - they are not really "chores" to me). It is a matter of each doing what is needed to make a cohesive family unit. 

I do not feel any less feminine because I would rather be working outside the home than inside it. I would not consider my husband less of a man for doing chores I dislike and freeing me up to do a job I enjoy.


----------



## Laura Zone 5

WolfWalksSoftly said:


> I did all the chores outside (3 horses, 2 fenced pastures,20 cheekins, 3 dogs, cut and split wood,garden) AND worked and helped with inside chores too. I would never allow myself to be supported by a woman. Call me old fashioned.


Old fashioned?
Nope, I call that being a man!!
Your style is a rare gem in this world!


----------



## Clem

Just finished plowing 40 acres behind a monkey, with a mule on my back. Reading on the interwebz, I discovered I had the monkey and mule backwards. I would say I feel stupid, but I always feel like that way, so how would I know the difference??

AS to the OP. You know what you want, keep on point. If I went to the store to buy a can of corn, I wouldn't bother looking at the stuff on the end of the counter. Capiche?? You can't be worrying about the National Enquirer or potato chips.


----------



## WolfWalksSoftly

oneraddad said:


> Yep, as a single Dad of three children I also did most of the chores and held down a full time job.


I raised two also from 6&4 till they were 12 & 10. got fired from jobs when they were sick and I would have to leave work etc., double standard when a dad has to take care of his kids work wise, but would do it again in a heartbeat.


----------



## FarmboyBill

How you gonna sift through those womens at parks, ball fields, library and all kinds of churches. Id think that women whose kids were out playing away from mom when you hit her up might tell dad that a pesky strainger was botherin mom. How do you hit on somebody in a library. people go to librarys to READ? AND you've got to be quiet.
Whatcha gonna do, hit a church a month to sift through all the women in there to find which ones single, without kids, without husband lol


----------



## FarmboyBill

Clem, Ya got me buffalloed


----------



## thericeguy

Alice, if I may, why dont you contact or even invite 5 guys whos picture is absolutely everything you never wanted. My wife, whom I absolutely adore beyond imagination, is someone few would find sexy. She is my love. Understands me and accepts me when she does not. Whats to lose? 5 free dinners and a few hours?

If the tree your barking at doesnt have a ****, try a different tree.


----------



## FarmboyBill

I like your last. lol


----------



## po boy

FarmboyBill said:


> How you gonna sift through those womens at parks, ball fields, library and all kinds of churches. Id think that women whose kids were out playing away from mom when you hit her up might tell dad that a pesky strainger was botherin mom. How do you hit on somebody in a library. people go to librarys to READ? AND you've got to be quiet.
> Whatcha gonna do, hit a church a month to sift through all the women in there to find which ones single, without kids, without husband lol


Good grief!

You, Alice and myself are all grandparent age and us normal ones go to watch our grandkids play. A lot of those grandparents could be available and seeing someone in person is a lot better than looking at photos that could be of someone else are many years old.


----------



## FarmboyBill

yeah, that works better for GRANDparents, than it does for parents. I have never watched my grandkids playing outside. I doubt if im going to drive to a park in Tulsa, sit and wait for city grandparents to bring their grandkids out to play. IF I go to a park in a small town, for those that may have one, I might sit there all day to see a couple people, and likely, women would think I was old and lazy to be setting around all day.

I go to the sale once a month sometimes. I walk it through, and when done, I am TIRED. I sit, for the most part the rest of the day. I remember a woman once seeing me and I saying hi as I had seen her there before, remarking, ( whenever I see you, your always setting). I said , Had she walked the sale. She said she had. I said, I had also, and I was ready to sit down.
I don't know, or remember if, 20yrs ago, I could have walked it and still remained standing, as I didn't go to it then, and my ankles didn't bother me.

Point is, IF I were going to go to a park and sit all day, It would be soner or later noticed.


----------



## frogmammy

So take a book and your lunch, plus an extra bottle of cold water.

Mon


----------



## Sourdough

There are so many threads of this subject (more or less) and they all start the same, and they all end the same, only the sticky filling in the center changes.

The only thing we seem to re-learn is that what we are doing.......is not even coming close to producing the intended results. If we keep on this track, the only comfort is........we are assured of the probable result.


----------



## roadless

True Sourdough, I'm just gonna do my usual activities and keep an open mind and heart.


----------



## thericeguy

I listened to a female radio show host speak about her dating experiences. She had been attracted to a certain kind of man. Who knows why. Doesnt matter. What did matter is that it created a long history of failed relationships. All the men had the same core qualities, so each relationship resembled the last. 

She claims she made a conscious choice to date someone she was not attracted to. And she stuck with it. In time, her views had changed. What used to be sexy was now clearly the fault she understood it to be. What was boring or unappealing suddenly became desirable. Be careful who you hang around. A lesson most of us learned long ago but was overpowered by libido long ago. 

Was it hype? A made up story for ratings? Maybe. But the magazine covers all look alike for a reason.


----------



## WolfWalksSoftly

I have that issue in picking wives.....


----------



## Laura Zone 5

"Picking that guy" when you are 20 is one thing.
Picking that 'same kind of guy' at 50 is a definite hades no.

That's one of the BIG reasons I insisted that folks I started talking to on line, chat w/ me via email / text for 2 weeks before the meet........

"Oh you are 50 and still play video games?"
In the 8 days I have been chatting w/ you......you have been out in the bars 6 of them, and drunk on a golf course 1?
It takes him more time to "get ready" to leave they house, than it does me???

As the home base umpire says "YOU'RE OUTTA HERE".

I'm just gonna be me, do me, and live out loud.
If someone is attracted to that and steps up and lets me know? Great.
If not? Oh well......I am living life my way!!


----------



## FarmboyBill

IM just gonna be me, DO ME, and live out loud??? hmmmmmm. That sounds like despirate LOL


----------



## WolfWalksSoftly

No, common sense.


----------



## tamarackreg

I haven't given up, but I also don't waste many resources that can be used in my own pursuit of happiness. 

Now it's more of an "if it happens, it happens" attitude.


----------



## wildcard

Take it from a man, you got to tell him what he wants to hear until you finally snag him. Here are some clever examples... Tell him you give great massages and you don't make cupcakes, you make beef jerky. Your favorite movies are action films. A good weekend is filled with sports. The smell of sweat and deisel fuel turns you on. Say that you love wiskers and bed head and wife beater t-shirts. Clean houses are over rated and beds should be left unmade just incase. You live by a liquor store but 'hole in the wall' bars are much more fun. You miss having someone to cook for. You enjoy doing all of your own car repairs. When you see that you have his attention, tell him that you want to be his geisha girl. Do not worry, he isn't going to remember after awhile anyway but it will get you that first date. It worked on me.


----------



## wildcard

Now if you think that this is lying, it's not. Wait until you meet him and see whether his profile picture is up to date. (the reality is that most aren't). That is lying.


----------



## FarmboyBill

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO? Your sayin, Iffn one is lying with their pic, its open season with your ability to tell whoppers to them??


----------



## wildcard

Essentially, yes.


----------



## Nsoitgoes

Aren't you the guy who is worried about his live-in running off with the bike riders? I guess your strategy doesn't work as well as you think it might...


----------



## wildcard

I'm not all that worried about her running off from this good thing. I am worried about her comparing what she sees in the spandex to what she's got. I hear tell that most of those guys stuff them.


----------



## FarmboyBill

Stuff who? The women?? lol


----------



## Laura Zone 5

FarmboyBill said:


> IM just gonna be me, DO ME, and live out loud??? hmmmmmm. T*hat sounds like despirate* LOL


I don't understand what you are saying?


----------



## FarmboyBill

To, (DO) someone is a slang for having whoopee with them


----------



## AmericanStand

Sourdough said:


> In Alaska men can't be picky or even have a color preference. And if she is kind'a ugly, and a bear to live with.........at least she is warm and fuzzy.....:icecream::icecream:



lol. Your shopping In the wrong aisle. Try looking in the horse suburbs. 
Find a excuse to take your grand kids to school. 
Last I looked the area around Wasilla big lage was knee deep in ellegable ladies.


----------



## AmericanStand

Dating sites are ok but sites like this are better. 
Face it as much as we fight and bicker like family we ARE family in a way. In large part we share basic interests , comforts and attitudes.


----------



## FarmboyBill

U got it AS. Ive said that several times. Were the bestus lastus hope we got. Sorry to clue u in to that lol.


----------



## nehimama

Whatever you do, stay away from Craigslist! I've never seen so many ugly "packages" in my life!!!!!!!


----------



## wildcard

I have never gone to Craigslist looking for "packages". I'm more interested in the used gift wrap for girl.


----------



## AmericanStand

I met my GF on this site. 
We talked for a long time then decided to have a nice platonic coffee and discuss things homesteading. 
We had a very hard time actually finding each other. 
She had a picture of me as a 30 something lumberjack farmer and I saw her as a 50 something Martha Stewart , dawn wells. 
Lol we were both off by about 25 years and a world. 
But we had the same interests so we talked and enjoyed each other's company. 
It took a year or two before her mom pointed out that like it or not we were dating.


----------



## WolfWalksSoftly

There are some good looking, good women here for sure, but geography isn't playing along.


----------



## roadless

^^^^^
Yep, ditto for the men. : (


----------



## digApony

I met a man here and married him after three years. He put on a huge facade and ended up to be the most psychologically abusive person I've ever met. It was a hellish nightmare. He's a narcissist. I've never met one before. They put on a big deceptive act to suck you in and then they start. Their abuse is subtle and creeps up on you. There are red flags though and you should learn them. The number of narcissists is on the rise in this country. Pm me if you want to know more about what I've learned. I would.

I would like to clarify: I met him on one of my posted threads, not here on ST. His profile is here, but he hasn't been on HT for a few years, unless he changed his username. (He said HT is stupid! Lol.). What I meany to say is that Narcissists prey on the Internet, so be careful! And they can put on an act for years until they nab you. There is a lot of information about them on the Internet that you can read to help you avoid them. Not only are they abusive, but they will rob you blind.


----------



## quadrants2

digApony said:


> I met a man here and married him after three years. He put on a huge facade and ended up to be the most psychologically abusive person I've ever met. It was a hellish nightmare. He's a narcissist. I've never met one before. They put on a big deceptive act to suck you in and then they start. Their abuse is subtle and creeps up on you. There are red flags though and you should learn them. The number of narcissists is on the rise in this country. Pm me if you want to know more about what I've learned. I would.



Unfortunately my mom married a man like that. It was so sad to see what he put her through. Grown kids living out of state it was hard to see it until she started sharing more. We finally got her out of that situation but an elderly woman on social security isn't an easy relocation. All is well now and she is very happy and stress free but it was real sad deal. I'm glad you got out of it too. Best of luck to you.


----------



## digApony

In my state of TN there is a law that gets abused by narcissists quite frequently. In divorce the state of TN treats real property differently. It allows a spouse to claim title on the other spouse's seperate property. This law is supposed to protect a spouse who has made a real and substantial contribution that would increase the appreciation of the home or business.
In my case, my narcissist made no significant contribution in any capacity, but his attorney still tried to claim my title! This caused me a lot of stress and a lot of money!
I would advise any person who owns their own property to get a prenuptial written by an attorney. If your spouse does any kind of work to your home, money, helps pay mortgage or as simple as you paying your mortgage out of a joint checking account they can claim your title and either cause you to spend thousands on attorney fees or thousands in attorney fees and the appreciation on your home or land or business.
This law is in most equitable distribution states with separate property laws. 
I never thought it could happen to me, that he would do that...


----------



## MOSTBCWT

digApony said:


> In my state of TN there is a law that gets abused by narcissists quite frequently. In divorce the state of TN treats real property differently. It allows a spouse to claim title on the other spouse's seperate property. This law is supposed to protect a spouse who has made a real and substantial contribution that would increase the appreciation of the home or business.
> 
> In my case, my narcissist made no significant contribution in any capacity, but his attorney still tried to claim my title! This caused me a lot of stress and a lot of money!
> 
> I would advise any person who owns their own property to get a prenuptial written by an attorney. If your spouse does any kind of work to your home, money, helps pay mortgage or as simple as you paying your mortgage out of a joint checking account they can claim your title and either cause you to spend thousands on attorney fees or thousands in attorney fees and the appreciation on your home or land or business.
> 
> This law is in most equitable distribution states with separate property laws.
> 
> I never thought it could happen to me, that he would do that...



What law is that? Please provide a link to it. An attorney can try to claim anything, that doesn't mean they can win. I'm in Tennessee and have been divorced here. If be interested in reading that law you refer to. Thank you


----------



## FarmboyBill

Hi pony. LONG time no sea. Hope your doing good.


----------



## WolfWalksSoftly

I have some better advice. Don't get MARRIED! EVER EVER EVEEEER EVER AGAIN.
Does anyone think I will get married again? lol


----------



## roadless

Yeah me neither.


----------



## WolfWalksSoftly

Well since all my marriages have ended in Divorce, I have come to the conclusion I might not be good at Marriage. I played by all the rules, and did what I thought were the right things but what did I get in return? A sign that said I'm a sucker .
Roadless ya wanna live in sin?


----------



## quadrants2

I agree Wolf..I started looking at past relationships and found the one common denominator.. ME! They say birth is the leading cause of death...well marriage is the leading cause of divorce and I don't think I help the chances..lol


----------



## oneraddad

Get married and raise a family then retire and die. 

I already have a family, why would I want to get married again ?


----------



## digApony

MOSTBCWT said:


> What law is that? Please provide a link to it. An attorney can try to claim anything, that doesn't mean they can win. I'm in Tennessee and have been divorced here. If be interested in reading that law you refer to. Thank you


You'll have to check other state's divorce law, but the state of Tennessee treats real property, real estate, differently than personal or marital property. A spouse can claim title by ' virtue' of marriage. It is a complex law that is on the books to protect a spouse who invested in his or her spouses separate property. Examples of that would be the spouse remodeling the kitchen, putting up fencing, building out buildings, etc. Anything that would increase the value of the home. If there is a real and substantial contribution a trial court will deem your property as marital property eligible for equitable distribution. This law is abused and exploited typically by narcissists who always use the legal system to abuse you further. I know other women who this happened to that live here in TN. 
His attorney knew he had nothing, but he still put his thumb on my title and caused me to spend thousands on an attorney, and this was done outside of court.
His line of thinking is that he gave me expense money, but I have no mortgage. (Narcissists really are stupid, but they're hateful)
Best if you get a prenuptual and keep your separate property separate in every way.
I will find a link.


----------



## digApony

If a married person owns a house prior to marriage, can a spouse claim an interest in it in Tennessee?

Yes. Real property is different than other types of assets. By virtue of marriage, every spouse acquires a marital interest in real property, which is deemed a claim against the title. Regardless, in divorce one of the first issues most judges will determine is what contributions, if any, did the non-titled spouse contribute to the appreciation or preservation of the real property. Did the non-titled spouse help make mortgage payments, pay taxes, or help fix-up the house? If so, then most judges will consider awarding a fair share of the appreciation (if any) to the non-titled spouse.
Scroll down:
http://memphisdivorce.com/property-division-faq/


----------



## WolfWalksSoftly

I was being facetious..it's OK..lol




WolfWalksSoftly said:


> Roadless ya wanna live in sin?


[YOUTUBE]CQFEY9RIRJA[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## nehimama

WolfWalksSoftly said:


> I have some better advice. Don't get MARRIED! EVER EVER EVEEEER EVER AGAIN.
> Does anyone think I will get married again? lol


I have an even better idea: Find someone who already has the same last name as yours, THEN live in sin! :icecream:


----------



## quadrants2

WolfWalksSoftly said:


> I was being facetious..it's OK..lol
> 
> 
> 
> 
> [YOUTUBE]CQFEY9RIRJA[/YOUTUBE]


 :bow: hilarious..I couldn't tell what the video was and then when I played it laughed out loud..


----------



## MOSTBCWT

digApony said:


> If a married person owns a house prior to marriage, can a spouse claim an interest in it in Tennessee?
> 
> Yes. Real property is different than other types of assets. By virtue of marriage, every spouse acquires a marital interest in real property, which is deemed a claim against the title. Regardless, in divorce one of the first issues most judges will determine is what contributions, if any, did the non-titled spouse contribute to the appreciation or preservation of the real property. Did the non-titled spouse help make mortgage payments, pay taxes, or help fix-up the house? If so, then most judges will consider awarding a fair share of the appreciation (if any) to the non-titled spouse.
> Scroll down:
> http://memphisdivorce.com/property-division-faq/



Awarding appreciation is not awarding the property itself. If a married party helps increase value of their spouses pre-marital home then of course they should get their investment back. That's only fair but they do have to show proof of their contribution.


----------



## Laura Zone 5

I absolutely believe in marriage.
I am in "all in" kinda gal. Always have been. Always will be. 
What he did to me and continues today to do is reprehensible; however, he is not my problem and not all men are like him. 

I hope before I die, I have the pleasure and joy of knowing, feeling and living in True Love. 
I have seen it in other couples (usually 70's or better, but younger too) and I know it exists.


----------



## digApony

FarmboyBill said:


> Hi pony. LONG time no sea. Hope your doing good.


Read above and you'll see what I've been doing! Lo . I'm back and ready for a quilt block swap...:icecream:


----------



## digApony

Laura Zone 5 said:


> I absolutely believe in marriage.
> I am in "all in" kinda gal. Always have been. Always will be.
> What he did to me and continues today to do is reprehensible; however, he is not my problem and not all men are like him.
> 
> I hope before I die, I have the pleasure and joy of knowing, feeling and living in True Love.
> I have seen it in other couples (usually 70's or better, but younger too) and I know it exists.


I hope you find it too and I'm glad you're doing well. It's sad, because I believe in marriage too, but I think I've had my fill. It takes one bad apple...
I would like to have a good male friend and that's it.


----------



## digApony

MOSTBCWT said:


> Awarding appreciation is not awarding the property itself. If a married party helps increase value of their spouses pre-marital home then of course they should get their investment back. That's only fair but they do have to show proof of their contribution.


Yes you are correct. But by virtue of marriage they already have an 'interest' in all real property of the other spouse. Yes, he had to prove it in a trial court, but his attorney put his thumb on my title and I had to get an attorney to get it off. I could not sell my house or my furniture or houshold furnishings. He wanted it all. It was all done outside of court. If I let it go, or tried to fight it myself I would not have faired so well. Divorce can be dog eat dog, so to speak. Holding deed does not mean you are the owner. Title holds ownership. So if you have a mortgage lien or tax lien or construction lien they have an 'interst' in your property. The law is exploited by people who just want to harrass you and wear you down. Attorneys should not be allowed to do that without court approval. If the court decided a spouse is due a portion of appreciation, the judge may make you sell then or at anytime you sell the spouse is owed the determined amount of money.


----------



## WolfWalksSoftly

^^^ is messed up and only a [content deleted] would do that.


----------



## digApony

Anyway, he had nothing, he did nothing and we ended up with a simple divorce; after 7 months! Ugh. He just wanted to make me miserable and cost me money. His abuse wasn't enough, I guess. I just wanted to alert property owners to the problem.


----------



## digApony

WolfWalksSoftly said:


> ^^^ is messed up and only a P.O.S would do that.


He's a piece of poop, alright! My attorney called him a bum...lot. He wanted to steal something he never worked for.


----------



## digApony

quadrants2 said:


> I agree Wolf..I started looking at past relationships and found the one common denominator.. ME! They say birth is the leading cause of death...well marriage is the leading cause of divorce and I don't think I help the chances..lol


It's not YOU! People have a lot of problems these days. We need 'normal' people...


----------



## FarmboyBill

Like Q, The common denonminator of my problems was that I was a farmer. If I had been a townie, I don't know how ida ended up.


----------



## FarmerJoe

Or you could be in Wisconsin, a marital property state. Unless you take great effort to keep property separate, it ALL becomes marital property and split in half!


----------



## digApony

FarmerJoe said:


> Or you could be in Wisconsin, a marital property state. Unless you take great effort to keep property separate, it ALL becomes marital property and split in half!


 Yuk... It's good to know the laws.


----------



## MOSTBCWT

digApony said:


> Yes you are correct. Yes, he had to prove it in a trial court



Exactly. Don't let a spouse contribute to any property you owned prior, get a prenup or don't get married. An attorney can claim anything regardless of the state and it'll be up to you to defend it. Don't accept help or handle it all prior to marriage and you are good to go.


----------



## farmgal

I can't read all the messages but for wha it's worth. When I put an age in there I didn't realize it blocked people outside that age. Figured that out long after. So don't take it personally. I never met anyone ever on Pof. Just jerks. I'm sure good ones exist. I gave up long ago tho. ;-/


----------



## Sourdough

Even better to just get a box full of puppies.




digApony said:


> Yuk... It's good to know the laws.


----------



## AmericanStand

Does land have title and deed in Tn or is it titled OR deeded ?


----------



## digApony

AmericanStand said:


> Does land have title and deed in Tn or is it titled OR deeded ?


Land is deeded here. Title is how you hold title to the deed.


----------



## digApony

MOSTBCWT said:


> Exactly. Don't let a spouse contribute to any property you owned prior, get a prenup or don't get married. An attorney can claim anything regardless of the state and it'll be up to you to defend it. Don't accept help or handle it all prior to marriage and you are good to go.


And make sure that you understand what a contribution is. Sweat equity is one and homemaker. It is very hard to claim someone's title and succeed. Its a complex law with a high bar, but it can cost you a lot of money to fight it.
People are actually scamming single property owners just for this purpose. It's big business. The most vulnerable are single women who are young, out of college, have high income and purchased their own home. Divorced women who won their homes in a divorce and male and female widows who own their property.


----------



## MOSTBCWT

digApony said:


> And make sure that you understand what a contribution is. Sweat equity is one and homemaker. It is very hard to claim someone's title and succeed. Its a complex law with a high bar, but it can cost you a lot of money to fight it.
> 
> People are actually scamming single property owners just for this purpose. It's big business. The most vulnerable are single women who are young, out of college, have high income and purchased their own home. Divorced women who won their homes in a divorce and male and female widows who own their property.



Lawyers and courts will screw you everytime they get a chance. Best thing to do is stay away from them both. People too for that matter. Don't put yourself in a position to become anyones victim. 

That's why I am not married and will not be. Lol


----------



## digApony

MOSTBCWT said:


> Lawyers and courts will screw you everytime they get a chance. Best thing to do is stay away from them both. People too for that matter. Don't put yourself in a position to become anyones victim.
> 
> That's why I am not married and will not be. Lol


The divorce was not my biggest problem with him. It was his sneaky and underhanded psychological abuse which is a pretty word for mental torture. People like my [content deleted] need to be initially recognizable so you can see them coming and RUN! :run:
Lol
I know what to look for now. The signs were there from the beginning. 
But I'm with you. Why bother? Lol :icecream:


----------



## digApony

I think I highjacked the thread! I'm sorry! Lol.


----------



## MOSTBCWT

digApony said:


> The divorce was not my biggest problem with him. It was his sneaky and underhanded psychological abuse which is a pretty word for mental torture. People like my [content deleted] need to be initially recognizable so you can see them coming and RUN! :run:
> 
> Lol
> 
> I know what to look for now. The signs were there from the beginning.
> 
> But I'm with you. Why bother? Lol :icecream:



Don't worry about what's coming. Run the other way regardless. Lol. Ain't no way in hell I would get married again.


----------



## bjba

I always loved the advice attributed to Rod Stewart. "Save yourself the trouble of a divorce, find a woman you hate and buy her a house."


----------



## frogmammy

I always wondered who came up with that saying.

That said, my friend whose marriages (and relationships) always implode in the 5th year, with debris field available by the 7th year, has almost reached the 5 year mark on his marriage. Will be interesting to see if it happens again.

Mon


----------

