# Odors



## TheBiscuitQueen (Aug 31, 2007)

Hi, I am Jen, I am fairly new here, and so thought I should lay myself bare on my first new thread. Go easy on me!

My folks just visited this weekend. They have no pets, and despite my mother trying to claim the opposite, they are both neat freaks. Yeah, there may be some dust under a cabinet somewhere, but otherwise you could eat off of nearly every surface in their house. 

Me, on the other hand, am a messy and an animal lover. I have come a very long way and most of my house (discounting the laundry room, garage and attic) are in normal visitor condition most of the time. The rooms are picked up, most or all toys put away, floors relatively clean. No boxes or magazine piles, no bags of clothes; obviously there are ebbs and flows of cleanliness but on average not too bad. I would say very good but I measure cleanliness to my mother's standards. 

WE live in a 3800 sqft, 100 y/o home, which has spots where it needs work. Our furnature is all second hand because of the dogs (we used to have a digger who would eviscerate a couch if you let her). There is woodwork in spots not put up, and some wallpaper in the hall peeling, but there are also several rooms newly painted and decorated. The floors are all in good shape, and our kitchen is really cool, at leat to everyone else. Our friends and DH's family feel very comfortable here. They even pushed to have our family party here rather than my neatfreak sister-in-laws with no pets, because our house is more friendly. We even have a guest room with a nice bed which is kept very clean, and no animals are allowed in there. 

We have 2 pet rats and 5 finches in the kitchen nook (instead of a table) which are cleaned weekly. Several fish tanks, two cats (cat box changed weekly or so) and two dogs (one a bull terrier who is a bit ripe out the ends, if you know what I mean.) We also had kept chicks in the Florida room for a while. 

My question (finally) is how do you deal with all these odors? I assume my parents were uneasy here because they are unaccustomed to any smells-according to my kids their house smells like one of those Glade Plug-ins. I cleaned the whole house, vaccumed, dusted, mopped, changed couch covers. Still, when DH came home from a week out of town friday he said there were many smells here. I am in school full time, so I don't have a ton of time to scrub and clean daily. 

Oh, the real kicker, I have NO sense of smell. I cannot even smell limburger if I put it under my nose and take a huge breath. None, nada, zip. So I feel like a blind man washing graffiti off the walls . I cannot tell if I did a good job or not. And smells make no sense. I can clean all the things I think will cause smells and lo and behold someone comes in and points out some innocuous tissue which reeks. 

How do you guys deal with all the smells which come from homesteading and pet loving? Or do you just figure those who cannot deal can get a hotel? I really am at the point where I don't want my parents to visit anymore. It just seems too hard and they seem so uneasy it just makes me feel terrible. Of course my mother is ill, so I feel obliged to have her. Oh, and she invited herself (with my dad) to Thanksgiving! We have been spending that holiday with our best friends, because I wanted ONE stress free holiday a year! So now I get to go through all this again in 2 months, which is why I am here asking for help. 


Help?


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## suzyhomemaker09 (Sep 24, 2004)

I have used this product with great success

http://www.odoban.com/OdoBanRetail/OdoBan_RTU_Odor_Eliminator.html

It is available at quite a few Wally Wold locations, the concentrate in 1 gallon containers is readily available at Sam's clubs. I like the fact that it's not a really perfumed scent.


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## blue gecko (Jun 14, 2006)

Get a box of Biz laundry additive, some Simple Green cleaner and a couple of liter spritz bottles. 2-4 TBS Biz + 1/4-1/2 cup Simple green and fill with warm water. Shake to dissolve. It's great! Even works on skunk (that's how I came up with the idea). It takes the smell right out of the air, furniture, rugs etc and its very environmentally friendly.

It also makes a bang up good general cleaner. Best of all its very inexpensive to make.


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## greenboy (Sep 5, 2005)

Your mother and father are the most important persons in the world maybe and maybe after your kids and husband. If you are going to take care of your parents for a weekend send all the criters for a holyday. A friend, sometimes even a pet-shop will take them for a weekend, or hire somebody to clean on daily basis while your parents are visiting, keep them in the garage jor basement is an option, be careful with attics they have the tendency to get too hot.
You said you have no enough time. I love animals and I have to time, is very unfair to keep an animal confined, and in top of that dirty and smelly, they suffer when their confiment is not clean, all the animals I had all of them enjoyed to be clean. Thats why when my last rat died (Vito) and I gave my dog away, because I was unable to take walks with her. I turned myself to gardening only, I am happier, healthier ( I got a Pneumonia walking the dog in a snowy day two years ago), and I have more time for myself and DW and kids. If you have to have a pet. You need to adjust them to your calendar. Maybe a pitbull is a bad idea, but a bassethound will do. From a high energy animal to a low energy animal. Birds are a bad idea, (noisy, dirty) but fishies are great!
frogs and tortoises and turtles are great pets. But rats, guinea pigs, and rabbits demand too much of your time.... You have your parents for a small period of time. I don't know how old are they. But let's say 10-20 years more. And you have animals for the rest of your life I will kill to have my parents with me, one weekend, only one more weekend, I will ask them so many things I never did, we will share so many other things. My father is gone and my mother's mind is gone..... Think about that. and there is not an animal in this world so precious to make your parents uncomfortables a whole weekend. NONE! (no even one hour if you ask me)



TheBiscuitQueen said:


> Hi, I am Jen, I am fairly new here, and so thought I should lay myself bare on my first new thread. Go easy on me!
> 
> My folks just visited this weekend. They have no pets, and despite my mother trying to claim the opposite, they are both neat freaks. Yeah, there may be some dust under a cabinet somewhere, but otherwise you could eat off of nearly every surface in their house.
> 
> ...


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Right now, the first thing I'd advise is to clean the cats litterboxes every other day!


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## TheBiscuitQueen (Aug 31, 2007)

suzie and blue, thank you for the advice. I used to use odoban at our old house, but I was unaware you could use it for wood floors and upholstry. I still have a bottle, and have the day off due to a cancelled class, so I will be using it liberally today. 

greenboy, if I could find someone to take the critters for a few days I would, but it would be a real hunt to find anyone in this town who could manage who doesn't already have a crew. It was a good idea, but unfortunately not a feasable one here. I also really do not want to risk disease introduction with the birds. I will, however, move birds and rats up to my son's room during my parent's next visit on Thanksgiving. 

My mother has an extrordinary sense of smell. She can smell things that no one else even notices, has been that way her whole life. Even if I were the best housekeeper in the universe, she would smell the animals, because they have innate smells due to being what they are. I am simply looking for ways to minimize the smells. Your suggestion to have the animals moved would have worked, had I the means. As I said, people who have animals come to my house and do not usually notice any unusual smells (and yes, they tell me when the dog is ripe). This is my mother's oversensitivity as much as it is my own problem. The animals are not kept in dirty conditions. I can understand where you might have thought that, but I can assure you they are kept well. 

Quite frankly, I disagree with you about parents taking priority in my own case. I am closer to my pets than my parents. I am at more ease with them, enjoy them more, and appreciate them more. I love my parents, but we keep ourselves at a distance, on both sides, and we both seem more comfortable that way. I am willing to go out of my way to assure they are comfortable, but I am not willing to change my lifestyle or put my animals at risk so not to inconvenience them. I guess my point is I will change my actions but will not change myself. I am willing to go visit them rather than them coming here-we are all more comfortable that way. My mother had breast cancer and I was down twice a month all summer long (they live 6 hours away). 

I can appreciate your pov however.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

I think that taking a zinc supplement might help your sense of smell.

I have to admit that I have a nose like your mother's. It plays Hell on me when I go visiting people's houses but I keep my mouth shut because it is their home, after all.


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## TheBiscuitQueen (Aug 31, 2007)

I tried that, Ardie. I wish it were so simple. My doctor thinks that because I had fevers of 106-107 as an infant (hospitalized, ice beds, etc) all the sense receptors in my sinuses burned out. I have had a rhinoscopy (a camera stuck up my nose!), and there just isn't anything there to repair. I don't even know what smell is, just like a blind person who has never had sight cannot comprehend seeing. I have a pretty good idea how it works for the most part (although I still get it wrong plenty), but really it is guessing on my part. 

I took apart the litter box and rat cage, scrubbed them, and soaked them with odoban for 30 minutes. Washed the rats too (they were none too happy), as well as the walls behind the cage and the desk they are on. We will see if that helps. 

Next is showering the dog and scrubbing out her crate and washing her blankets. 

Maybe if I just do all this once a week plus scoop the litter 3x and the rats twice a week it will keep things less animal smelling.


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## chickenista (Mar 24, 2007)

Also, odors linger around even after the place is ridiculously clean. It just gets into the being of the home. Try replacing those inherent smells with something pleasant like a white sage smudge, incense or constantly simmer orange peels and cinnamon on the stove for a week.


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## greenboy (Sep 5, 2005)

I feel sorry for your parents, they go thru hell ( if you mother have such a keen nose is hell for her0 just to see you and their grandchildren. But I know you are an intelligent woman, and you are going to reach an answer. Your answer made me sad. Because I know in some years when they already went to meet their Maker, and you spent time after time cleaning poop from all your animals. You are going to look to the sky one day and a tear will be in your eyes. I know this because I did the samething.... I am going to pray for you...


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## TheBiscuitQueen (Aug 31, 2007)

Again, I appreciate your thoughts and prayers. My parents do not go through hell being in my home. Hell would be a pretty docile place if a few inconvieniences are all it was. Hell was closer to chemo, which is where I sat with my mother all summer. Please do not assume I do not care. I do not sit and clean poop while I could be visiting them. They live 6 hours away. It is not like I change my plans based on my animals. If I had no animals our lives would be no different-we would be no closer and we would not see each other any more than we do now. All the animals do is make more work for me before they do visit. They visit me as much as my brother, who has no animals and has a spotless home. 

I have never been close to my mother, and my father and I are right with each other-as right as he will ever allow. My parents keep to their own and there is nothing I can do about that. Could be that being adopted has something to do with this, perhaps not. I have been around long enough to know what I can change and what I cannot, and have accepted the situation as it is. 

I really was asking for practical advice about odors, rather than a personal therapist. While I appreciate your concern, this is really not the venue to discuss this.


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## Spinner (Jul 19, 2003)

I use 2 things that work great and are natural.

First, for instant results, mix a little vinegar with a lot of water in a spray bottle. Just walk thru the house spraying it around, being careful not to get it on any surfaces that will spot & stain. I spray around the room and let it fall on the carpet and I spray the curtains. Curtains will really hold odors. 

Second, for long term control of odors, soak a cotton ball with vanilla and set it in a corner out of sight. Put it on a small lid or something to protect the surface from stains. The vanilla should keep working until it dries out, then just pour a bit more on the cotton ball to keep it wet. As long as it's moist, it will keep absorbing and deodorizing the air.

If you use a combination of both, it should go a long ways toward keeping the house fresh smelling. It should eliminate some of the old odors that have been absorbed by the wood too.

We used to have guinea pigs. I changed the litter in the cage every day and they still smelled bad. We eventually had to find them a new home. Nothing I did would keep the smell away. Some animals defecate so often that their home will always smell really bad and nothing you can do will make them smell better. You might try putting baking soda under the litter in their cages. Same with the cat box. A layer of baking soda will help absorb and neutralize the liquid odors. The solids can be scooped away daily. Be sure all solids are removed from the house as soon as they are scooped up. If they go into a trash can, it just moves the odor from one place to another place.

You might put several layers of paper on the bottom of the finch cage. Every time it looks messy, take out the top layer and get it out of the house. That way you only have to deep clean the cage once a week, but can do surface cleaning daily, or even several times a day, depending on how many layers you put down.


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## susieM (Apr 23, 2006)

It couldn't have been too bad, if they've invited themselves back.


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## TheBiscuitQueen (Aug 31, 2007)

Thanks suzie! That makes me feel better. 

Spinner, great ideas! Thank you. I like the one of layered paper for the finches-it might help slow the husks all over the kitchen too. I have some nice little containers I could put a cotton ball in soaked in vanilla.


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## Guest (Sep 19, 2007)

TheBiscuitQueen said:


> Oh, the real kicker, I have NO sense of smell. I cannot even smell limburger if I put it under my nose and take a huge breath. None, nada, zip. So I feel like a blind man washing graffiti off the walls . I cannot tell if I did a good job or not. And smells make no sense. I can clean all the things I think will cause smells and lo and behold someone comes in and points out some innocuous tissue which reeks.


 My curiosity rears it's insatiable head. I've heard that people with no sense of smell can't taste, either. Is that true?


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## TheBiscuitQueen (Aug 31, 2007)

Yes, I have a very limited sense of taste. I cannot taste any herbs or spices, no garlic or onions unless they are raw, no subtle flavors. I can taste salty, sweet, sour and bitter, which are all the tongue actually tastes, and I am pretty sensitive to texture. 

The good thing is since I have never had that sense of taste and smell, I can't miss it. Seems normal to me.


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## blue gecko (Jun 14, 2006)

You really do have quite a delimma BQ! Not being able to smell really opens the door for all kinds of hidden odors. 

A couple of suggestions: Keep a small separate trash can for food related trash. That way you can take that trash out more often and keep the can rinsed.

Pour some boiling vinegar water down the drains in the house. 

Put the rest of your family on smell alert. Since you can't smell it and they can then that job has to fall to them. Make it a daily thing where the 'smelly officer' of the week makes the rounds and makes a to do list. It's a stinky job but someone has to do it.

Do give that Biz and Green formula a try. It works soooo well!


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## Maura (Jun 6, 2004)

Do you have carpeting? Carpeting will hold dust and all that goes with it. I don't have carpeting in the house other than two small orientals (one under my spinning wheel, the other under a rocker) and an industrial throw at the top of the stairs to keep the dog from sliding. If people take their shoes off at the door, you will eliminate a great deal of dirt and dust coming through the house. If you are going to do this, keep a bench at the door to make it easy.

Put the cats outside, get them used to using an outdoor litter box. You can accomplish this by digging up an area so it's easy for them to dig in, and putting litter over the top so they recognize the area as the bathroom. You can even put the regular litter box next to the new "outhouse" to help them associate. With two cats, you will have odor unless you clean the box every day, and I imagine you have other things to do. If you are uneasy about letting the cats outdoors, create a cat aviary for them.

I love the idea of the birds in the breakfast nook. However, when your parents come, move the birds somewhere else and scrub the nook.

I wonder about the used furniture you have. Ask a nonfamily member with a good nose to come in and smell your furniture. Sometimes furniture will have a moldy smell, and you won't smell it even if you had a good nose. If you no longer have a destructo dog, think about buying new furniture (on sale, of course). I have leather and I love it. It is washable. But, I don't allow pets on the furniture, dog nails are not kind to leather.

I also wonder about the house itself. If moisture has gotten on the wood, you may have a mold problem. After ditching the carpeting and old furniture, I would have a house inspector come in and look for problems. You could even have a weeping pipe causing problems. A good inspector will be able to tell you how to fix various problems, such as painting Kilz on some walls. If you have a damp basement, this will cause mold problems, but it can usually be fixed.

As for the dog, what are you feeding him? If the food disagrees with him, it will make his skin smell bad, give him gas, and possibly ear infections. If he likes to roll in "interesting" things, make a routine of rinsing him off with the hose before he comes inside. During the winter, these interesting things will, hopefully, be covered with snow.


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## TheBiscuitQueen (Aug 31, 2007)

Blue gecko, I missed that post about biz and sg. sorry! Where do you get Biz additive from?

I have tried to get the kids to smell out stuff, and DH too, but they are all so vague about it. Boy: "something smells" Me: "Ok, helloo, no smell, track it down" Boy: well....maybe...never mind, I can't smell it anymore". AAAHHH! Maybe more death threats if someone visiting catches a smell that gets by them? 



We live next to a busy road and have about a hundred feral cats in town so cats must stay inside, but yesterday I read that you should have one extra litter box over the number of cats, so I should have 3 litter boxes. But I am not sure where to put them....will have to think on that one. 

I am angling for leather furnature-when I graduate I think that may be my first purchase with the new paycheck. I can just put covers on them if need be for the dogs, but my friend has leather and the dogs are fine on it. I don't think the furnature smells, but maybe it doesn't to DH and does to my mother. I wonder if I put dryer sheets under the couch covers if it wouldn't put a little poof of good smell everytime someone sat down? Do those work that way?



Tallulah the bull terrier has bad food allergies. She is on very good kibble, but still is stinky. She is not allowed out alone so I know she has not gotten into anything. Her itching is down to minimal, and her coat looks great, she just gets gas. She was best on raw, but I really just don't have time right now to spend an hour a week preparing her food, and store bought beef is one of her triggers for diarrhea. Dang pure bred dogs! I am getting half a cow from my uncle, and I may try her on that for a bit-they are grass fed with no supplimental grains, so it should not cause an allerigic reaction. 

We do have a damp basement. I had not thought it would be a problem, but perhaps it is coming up through the floors. 

I tell you, the more I think about all the smell possibilities the more it feels like it must just stink to high heaven here. But since only my folks seem to have an issue with it I think it is not as bad as I fear. I just do not understand smell I guess. 

DH did notice all the work I did yesterday and said the kitchen smelled great. It helped I canned applesauce all day too. He told me I just need to bake more bread to make the house smell better!


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## blue gecko (Jun 14, 2006)

I find Biz in the laundry section of either Kroger or Walmart. 

You might try some probiotics for your pup. Getting those intestinal flora up can make a big difference.

If you simmer a little piece of cinnamon and some cloves in a bit of water when company comes. It fills the air with a nice homey scent.

You can only do what you can do DQ. Keep working on the family to help out. B


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## greenboy (Sep 5, 2005)

From the begining I am getting worry with the well being of the animals you are keeping. An example is the Rats close by birds. Birds doesn't matter which kind are, are very sensitive animals with a very keen sense of smell, believe me.
I work as a young guy, in the tropics protecting birds, mainly parrots against guess what? Rats!!!! and these birds knew when a rat was close by and they were able to smell them. So I am concern with the fact you keep birds close by rats. The only thing give me peace of mind is these birds weren't attack or disturbed by rats so they can't match the rat smell with danger.
But if they do they are living in HELL... Please take care of them... my heart is aching about this... :Bawling: I hope I am not being rude to you, please this was not my intension. If I was I apologize. sorry.


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## mandidawn (Aug 11, 2006)

> As I said, people who have animals come to my house and do not usually notice any unusual smells (and yes, they tell me when the dog is ripe).


Everytime I visit my BIL's house, I am struck by the stank of it. It just dont' smell good to me. Well, they moved up north and are selling their house and getting no offers. I mentioned to my DH that possibly the reason for no offers is the smell. His reply? What smell, it don't smell in there. :shrug: And no, I never mentioned the smell to BIL or SIL. I figured 1. it was rude and 2. They probably already know their house stinks.

So my point - maybe the "smell" is just something your mom is sensitve to so it bothers her more than others and two - maybe your friends just dont' tell you your house stinks because they dont' want to hurt your feelings?

Also - Are your rats in glass cages? Sometimes that keeps odors "in" more and by switching them to wire cages (if that is allowed with rats??) would help the odors dissapate more. When I had a hedgehog the difference was night and day.

And the fish tanks - do you do a total clean a few times a year? Poop gets stuck down in those rocks and the rocks need to be taken out and washed. Pain the the booty but does help. I had oscars and oh my gosh - 

Other than that - I just use frebreeze liberally.


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## TheBiscuitQueen (Aug 31, 2007)

I have friends who tell me when something smells. My one friend would consider it rude NOT to tell me, knowing I cannot smell. She has come in, hunted down the source of a smell, then gone in and yelled at my kids and DH that they should have done that for me! She always comes a day early for a party to help me make sure I got everything. 

The rats are in a wire cage, which gets totally cleaned once a week, and the rats bathed once a month or so. I have a fleece hammock that is also washed regularly for them. I also wipe the shelves during the weekly cleaning, but had not thought to use Odoban on the entire cage. It helped a great deal, according to DH, so that will be how our weekly cleaning is now done. 

When my husband said it smelled a little, he meant a little. He had been gone to another state all week, so was not acclimated to the smell of the house. When he came in, he said he could smell them but it wasn't too bad. He just knows how my mother is. 

The birds are behaving in totally normal finch ways. They have hatched out 2 clutches this year and I am pulling eggs daily; they sit and sing, interact with each other, fly, eat, bathe, all in a normal, calm way. I can see the difference in their behavior when I go to pull eggs or change food and water dishes, so it is obvious when they are stressed and when they are not. 

The birds are, BTW, zebra finches which has been the most bred in captivity. Rats are not a problem these birds have had to deal with in hundreds of generations. They do not react to them at all. There has been zero change in behavior since I moved the rats to the same alcove. Comparing a wild parrot to a domestic finch is really like comparing a wild tuna to a goldfish. 

The fish tanks are never cleaned totally out, because that would disrupt the benificial bacterial load in the tank. I have fish that are 10 years old in one of my tanks, and part of the reason for that is how the tank is set up. I do, however, have a gravel vaccuum, which pulls the gravel up a few inches and pulls all the loose organic matter out of the tank, while leaving the benificial bacteria in place on the stones. I do 1/4 to 1/3 tank monthly. I have not lost a fish in years. I probably could clean them out more often; I am careful to have a balance of fish, plants, and bacteria and there is no nitrite or ammonium in the tanks, but perhaps there is an odor componant I missed. I do check the tanks for pH, Nitrite, and ammonia monthly, and the only thing I have to be careful of is pH due to having city water. 

greenboy, I understand you are concerned about my animals, but your overuse of the word HELL is melodramatic and counterproductive. As I said, HELL is going through chemo, or losing a child, or your house burning down. I have seen animals in squalor through some work with the SPCA, as well as with bull terrier rescue. My first foster dog was found bald from untreated thyriod disease, his whole body one giant rash, and kept in a tiny crate so he couldn't scratch himself for 20 hours a day. THAT is HELL. BY the time I rehomed him he had all his hair and was happy and healthy. My animals are well cared for, I can assure you. I appreciate your concern. Would it make you feel better to post pics?


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## debra in ks (Jun 13, 2002)

she invited herself (with my dad) to Thanksgiving! We have been spending that holiday with our best friends, because I wanted ONE stress free holiday a year! So now I get to go through all this again in 2 months, which is why I am here asking for help. 

An old boss of mine used to have me tell people who called the office that he was in a meeting. The meeting was with his pillow, but the clients didn't need to know that. It worked perfectly, so....

Why don't you tell her you had other plans already? Even if your plan was to sit on your behind and do nothing, it is still a plan. I use this frequently. When you don't want to do somthing just get in the habit ot telling folks you have other plans already...they do not need to know what those plans are!


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## Pink_Carnation (Apr 21, 2006)

Anyone know if the soy candles cause problems for birds? If not I would have DH or the kids pick one they think they would like and burn that while they are there.


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## TheBiscuitQueen (Aug 31, 2007)

Candles are a good idea, my DH does go buy them on occasion so he has some he likes. I tend to buy candles that look nice! We just need to remember to use them!

My mother knows what we do for Thanksgiving-we told her 3 years ago that we are going to spend that holiday with my friends, and we would make sure we would come for Easter every year. We also see them ever Christmas time as well as other visits throughout the year. With her having breast cancer she now is feeling she should be having more contact I guess. She actually kept asking after I told her, just making it earlier and earlier in the year. I don't understand why they cannot just go visit my brother and his 3 kids for that one holiday. It ----es my mother off when she cannot have her way, quite frankly. 

My friend was furious, because she wanted it to be at her house this year rather than ours (long story having nothing to do with our house) but now she has to decide to have it with her extended family at her house or our house with our family. I wish I could have just told my mother no, even made a clever excuse....but she waited until right after her surgery to remove the tumor....how the heck do you say no then?! We certainly would have went down the following weekend to visit, it isn't like I am avoiding her altogether, I just like my one holiday to be stress free. 

I have to say I REALLY dislike holidays. I really do. I would rather people just stopped by for a visit anytime than to make it this big, stressful production on some arbitrary day just for the sake of doing it. 

However....
I will be saving the meeting excuse for another time...that is a great one!


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## CJ (May 10, 2002)

Pass out nose plugs at the door?


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## TheBiscuitQueen (Aug 31, 2007)

> Pass out nose plugs at the door?


We Have a Winner!!!!!!


Ok, this has to be my favorite suggestion yet!


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## debra in ks (Jun 13, 2002)

"I have to say I REALLY dislike holidays. I really do. I would rather people just stopped by for a visit anytime than to make it this big, stressful production on some arbitrary day just for the sake of doing it."

You are very brave to admit that. I thought I was the only one who hates holidays! 

I think I grew to hate them in college. I was working and going to school and would have loved to just sleep in and enjoy a holiday. But no, I had to get up earlier that I did to go to work or school. Then pack up the dog and everthing else needed and drive 100 miles back home, spend the day and drive 100 miles back. I was more tired the next day than if I'd gone to school and work. Don't get me wrong I loved my parents dearly and I miss then terribly, but I do not miss the holidays! 

I suggest that you inform your Mom that you you will be having dinner at your friend's house next year while you're eating THIS years dinner. 

Another thought...perhaps they could be invited to your friend's house also?


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## TheBiscuitQueen (Aug 31, 2007)

That is a good idea. I don't think they would come but we could ask anyways, and that would certainly go over better than excluding them. We could then offer to come down to visit the following weekend, so we weren't blowing them off. 

AND< I can't get much earlier than a full year ahead...beat them to the punch!


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## TheBiscuitQueen (Aug 31, 2007)

I am willing to do that for any other holiday; that is a great suggestion and we could even just go out for dinner- but Thanksgiving we decided to spend with my friend. I really feel I should put my foot down here because my mother quite frankly is not respecting my wish to spend that one day out of the year with my friend. My friend is really like my sister and her family and ours are very close. I feel if I choose to spend that one day a year with my friend my mother needs to just respect it. As I said, I am willing to go visit another time. Both my parents are retired, there is no reason we cannot have another weekend to visit. 

Thanksgiving always goes like this with my parents. Either I or my mother spend hours and hours cooking, getting out the good china, the linens, the good silverware, get everything perfect. My mother will not let me help her cook, she can do it all herself. Then everyone comes in, eats in about 15 minutes, then leaves the room and we do the dishes and start the laundry so all the stains on the linins don't set. Then the rest of the afternoon that is left is in a turkey drunk where we all lay around so full we feel like we are going to puke. My mother is disappointed once again because it is such a let down after all that work. Of course because none of us can have a difference of opinion without being told we are fighting the conversation is pretty much ziltch, and everyone just wants to go back to the TV. I really do not like that. It is no fun for me, and it seems like not much fun for my mother. 

With my friend, there is an atomosphere of family the whole day. We all help each other cook, we have great discussions, all the dogs are vying for giblets, the kids run in and out with nerf guns, (my friend getting in a few good shots with her nerf revolver) the guys come in trying to steal bites, and afterwards we all end up gaming for the afternoon. It is fun, relaxing, and low stress. I love it. We don't even HAVE a TV!

Now I know that if I were a better, more self-sacrificing daughter I would just suck it up and have the damn holiday with my parents and spend the following weekend with my friends, but to be honest I just do not want to. Life is too short to be so stressed. 


Why is it you can get to almost 40 years old and still are stuggling with your parents not respecting your personal choices? Good grief. I have already told my kids that when they are grown to TELL ME if I start acting like this! I have assured them that if they choose to spend holidays with someone else or their own families, it is OK.


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## TheBiscuitQueen (Aug 31, 2007)

I think the reason they invited themselves up here is that my brother will be up here in NY from NC visiting his wife's family. She is also trying to get together with him on Friday, which will cause my sil a lot of stress with her parents. Her parents live 14 hours away and they are very protective of what little time they have together. 

I totally understand her wanting to spend the holiday with us, and that is why we said yes. I feel like a total heel about this whole thing. I think I will set up our plans for next year this thanksgiving, and we will offer to come down a week early to visit. We can take them out to a nice restaurant (they usually treat us since they are pretty well off) and hopefully as you said we can stretch the visiting longer and the TV shorter. I know she has many great friends with whom to spend next Thanksgiving, so it is not like she will be alone and miserable. 

My DH had a great idea for this Thanksgiving. He suggested I just not have anything ready at the same time and stretch the dinner out all day. That way everyone has to hang out for a long time rather than sitting and gorging all day. My kitchen is set up like a cooking show, with a table all around the stovetop. So usually we spend our time with me cooking and everyone around me talking, kabitzing, nibbling and such. Rather than a formal meal we can just have more of an informal grazing. Nothing saying we have to do things the same way as always!

I really appreciate all the great advice you guys have offered. I have a few new ways of looking at family things as well as some really good specific ways to clean.


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## TheBiscuitQueen (Aug 31, 2007)

Good idea. My friends are big into board games and have this great game called 7 Days in Africa that my parents have not played yet...maybe I can talk them into bringing it. It is relatively short to play. Maybe card games too. Hmmm We should all learn to play Texas Hold 'em? Thanks!


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## Just Little Me (Aug 9, 2007)

As a pet owner and a daughter of a X navy father, I can tell you the only other way to keep odors at bay is to add dishes of vinager in the corners of the rooms. It takes care of any mold, mildew, pet, or cooking smells. Then the vanilla will take over and smell good. I keep dishes in all corners of my house. I have 3 dogs(one we feed tums to like treats) and 2 cats, not to mention the 75 gallon and down fish tanks in each room.2 doves in the daughters room. No one has ever said a thing about smelling anything in the house. And my mother used to have a very sharp nose for oders.
I keep dryer sheets in the bottom of my trash cans, and powdered the litter boxes with baking soda with each change. Baking soda in between the paper layers in bottom of the bird cage.

As a foster parent for years, no one said the house smelled at all.

Just my two cents.


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## TheBiscuitQueen (Aug 31, 2007)

Yes, it is 10 Days in Africa, I am always getting that wrong......brain fart. The game is addicting, and you will have great answers to crosswords...(Never knew Togo and Benin were actually countries!) My 11 year old can play it, so it is good for older kids. 

JLM, those are good...I never thought of putting dryer sheets in the cans. I did put activated charcol from the fish tanks into the lid of the compost bucket the other day-we will see if that helps. I keep hearing vinegar, so I think I will go do that and see if DH notices.


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## sewsilly (May 16, 2004)

With all due respect to matters of cleanliness, have you discussed your mother's uneasiness with her? Does she tell you that the odors bother her? If you don't spend a lot of time together and your have a somewhat strained relationship and she has been very ill, it may not be odors that's the issue.

To each person,family their own thing.... if you husband and children who live there daily do not take exception to this, then visitors should just tolerate. It sounds like to me, that without getting rid of your pets, you're now doing most anything you can think of to make matters better.

If your friends love coming to your house, I'd have the whole 'shooting match' holiday there. Let everyone bring food, the more the merrier. Family, including mom and dad, kids, husbands, friends, their families and all the animals. Clean good the week before, and let your hair down and enjoy.

I have some 'interesting' relatives and my kids have lot of displaced 'cant' get home for the holiday's' college friends. I have relatives with no children and I am the person who inherited the 'family home' (along with the traditional expectations of big family holiday dinners). I clean, to a reasonable degree. I shut the door on anything that I don't intend to share, and I spread things about, tables on porches, in other rooms with snacks and drinks. I let them all bring food. I cook two days before. I set out the 'good china" (why have it otherwise) and then I enjoy my company. After dinner, I pitch them out for a 'walkabout' the property, so that I can do a run through pick up and quick clean. They go home before dinner, and I kick my feet up and eat leftovers.

My two indoor cats, one social, one not, have to fend for themselves, as do any folks who don't like cats. The cats live here. The outdoor dogs have to be negotiated from the car to the house, even if you're terrified of them. Folks who like chickens, can go feed up and bring in the warm eggs. 

Anybody complaining can find other things to do next year. I have an unmarried half sister, who says it's the KIDS that she can't take... (huh?). She makes other arrangements most years....not my problem.

For goodness sake, life is short. Have a party!


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## TheBiscuitQueen (Aug 31, 2007)

Funny you mention that, my husband said the same thing (about her not feeling well). I do not think that was all it, but it was some of it, certainly. 

We will be having a party in 2 weeks with probably near 60 people at our house. We get the meat, soda and beer, and everyone else brings the rest. They are all in-laws and friends though, and they pretty much just file in and leave a few days later. SOme even bring extra dogs. I think I was adopted into the wrong family!


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## Tirzah (May 19, 2006)

We have an Ecoquest air purifier/sanitizer. We also have 2 dogs. This works well for us. One night our dogs got skunked and came running in the house through the doggie door. Our home smelled like skunk. We placed the unit on sanitize and the skunk smell was totally gone in a couple of hours. When people visit our home we often hear "We would never have known you had dogs if we didn't see them". The Ecoquest are a little pricey but well-worth it. It also helps with my allergies.


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## natural granny (Mar 29, 2007)

Just to add my cents (sense???) here. Do you know that everyday we are exposed to some 80,000 chemicals most of which have never been tested for human safety? Who's driving the "stink" bus? It's the companies who want our money. They do everything in their marketing power to convence us that we stink, our homes stink, our pets stink, etc... I applaude the advice of natural odor remedies given here (baking soda, vinegar, etc...) and recognize that a certain level of cleanliness is important in our homes for health reasons, but good gracious, just look at the abundance of cleaning products/freshners offered in your local store. Most cleaners have lots of ingredients one can't pronounce, let alone know what they really are (ahha, chemicals) and most don't address the cause of the odor, only mask it with perfumes. I'm one for good old fashioned cleaning with simple soaps and water. My home smells on a regular basis, after all when I bake bread, infuse herbal oils, butcher the chickens, that's the scent of the day. Life is full of smells, it's one of the ways we experience our surroundings. Some smells are better than others, but unless you lack that olfactory sense (I'm sorry for your loss, Biscuit Queen) it's part of the human experience. Personally, I suspect the culprit of your Mom's perceived uneasiness is much deeper than any off scent in your home. As a mom of adult children, I can tell you that facing a health issue, especially one as serious as your moms, brings many things to mind and moms being human and all, don't always have the ability to express what they really need/want to say. Being a parent isn't easy, being a child isn't easy, and being an adult child or the parent of one often doesn't get any easier, either. I know you asked for odor assistance and I think many have shared what I would have suggested, so I hope you don't mind that I added my additional thoughts.


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