# What have you learned from previous partners?



## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

I decided to start a thread so we would not derail the Asexual thread. The asexual thread brought out some very good conversation from both men and women. Do not let this go into the gutter, or violate the H.S. values, but lets have an honest exchange of viewpoints. It would be interesting to hear from others what we have learned through the years to avoid future pitfalls of dating and partner selection. I'll start.

I have always had a saying that was "I don't care where you have been, i'm more concerned where you are going" . OK that sounded all noble, i lived it, believed it and flew the flag. However, looking back at it that also lowered the bar for prospective dating partners for me. I have learned that "where you have been" is now part of the equation of whether i should consider one to be of dating potential. Its not the end to an end issue but i do keep it in mind. 

One other life changing moment for me was. A "life choice counselor" once told me "your entire life has been involved with fixing things, and you take pride in the fact that you have the skills, tools to fix or build nearly anything". Then she continued with "you should not see yourself as being in the position of a people fixer, people usually need to fix themselves, rarely can someone else do that." That was a wakeup call for me. Share one of your viewpoints!


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Some of us have very limited experience.


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## fordy (Sep 13, 2003)

................She has an issue for discussion , we discuss and come to a resolution , problem solved and closure reached ! NO More rehashing of previously solved problems ! When we reach a solution , I will NOT rehash , period ! , fordy:cowboy:


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## Shygal (May 26, 2003)

What I learned is that I would rather live without one, than live with the wrong one


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## dkhern (Nov 30, 2012)

big difference between lonelyness and solitude


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

Pretty much what Ox said...


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Sheesh:
Went over there and found that many posts date back years- -where are all the H. T. beekeepers? 

I've not paid much attention to my bees for the past several years, but there is still one good hive and much good equipment out there. I NEED bees around the garden and fruit trees, so I will have to get with it again. A friend has been taking off my honey and using my extractor with his bees.

Question: Does anyone here know of a supplier that will exchange wax for foundation as Walter Kelley once did? 

Ox


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Oxankle said:


> Sheesh:
> Went over there and found that many posts date back years- -where are all the H. T. beekeepers?


I lost my bees to an illness a couple of years back. I burned the boxes and I would like to get back into it.

Excepting this year was too wet for bees: folks out here were feeing their bees because the water was washing the nectar out of the flowers.

And, last summer I did not get bees because the drought in my area was very severe and there were few flowers, so I did not then, either.

Possibly next year, darn it! This year I set out swarm traps with pheremones but there were no swarms at all.

PS, I bet this was not where you intended to put this post, LOL!


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> What have you learned from previous partners?


Hmm, let's see:

#1 - Hurt people hurt people.
#2 - Good intentions aren't an adequate substitute for love.
#3 - Good intentions can't make up for sexual incompatibility.
#4 - A gilded cage is still a cage.

Think I've finally got it right this time!


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

#1 from Willow's list.

Never apologize for being happy, or doing something that makes you happy.
Never let anyone else keep you from being happy. (I know, but it took along time to learn)
Dont fall in love with toxic people.
If someone intentionally makes you feel like poop, you are not necessarily poop.
In personal relationships, you dont have to put up with crap. If you are not happy, then (1st) go and (2nd) be happy. Dont feel obligated to hang around, because the other tells you that you are fecal matter. (or, if it's your house, they are the ones who get to leave)


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

doingitmyself said:


> It would be interesting to hear from others what we have learned through the years to avoid future pitfalls of dating and partner selection. I'll start.


1. Red Flag are red because that is the color of STOP SIGNS.
Pay attention to red flags.

2. Jumping in bed is a bad idea.

3. Thinking you can 'ignore' obnoxious family will prove deadly.

4. Mama's boys, are looking for a 'mama'.

5. Daddies girls, are looking for a 'daddy'.

6. If your political and religious views are at opposite ends of the spectrum....good chances are most of your values will be opposite too.

7. Listen.......a lot.


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## Guest (Oct 14, 2013)

Be kind to yourself..you cannot love anyone else unless you first love yourself..

Learn how to be happy alone rather than be unhappy in bad company..


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Remember the movie War Games? The computer finally realizes that global nuclear war is a mutually losing game, and the only winning move is not to play. That was an epiphany to me. Relationships with some people are like that game, and the only winning move is not to play.


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## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

What I've learned.....

Even a liar will tell you their truth IF you are really listening.

By that I mean, listen to all the words, cues, behaviors. We get all involved in the feelings and stop really listening to the little comments, jokes and behaviors that tell the real truth of a person, not just their best foot forward. Example:

If he jokes that you are 'too good for him', you probably are, listen to him.
If he volunteers too much about his physical prowess, ask yourself who is he reassuring - you or himself?
If you see him act rude to waiters, employees, that's who he really is.
If he's looking over your shoulder while your dancing, he's not really dancing with you, he's probably checking potential future partners. 
If he virtually ignores you in a group setting to 'hold the floor' , he probably will never share the limelight and /or needs to be the center of attention.

The list goes on, but you get the idea. Pay attention folks, we tell our truths all the time, even when we are trying to conceal, that's men and women.


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## starjj (May 2, 2005)

Never mistake lust for love

If he or she has a problem you can't live with at the beginning of the relationship 9.9 times out of 10 your NOT going to fix the problem and you will either have to live with it or move on because you can't


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

For me, it would be to try and not be so trusting that what they say is the truth.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

vicker said:


> Remember the movie War Games? The computer finally realizes that global nuclear war is a mutually losing game, and the only winning move is not to play. That was an epiphany to me. Relationships with some people are like that game, and the only winning move is not to play.


 It was an epiphany to me also!


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

*What have you learned from previous partners?

1. Never to mess with those kinds of women again. :stars:

2. No good deed goes unpunished. 

3. I can take a lot more crap than I thought I could. When it's over, it's over, just walk away! :hysterical:

*


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Do NOT ignore "Red Flags"!!!


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

nehimama said:


> Do NOT ignore "Red Flags"!!!


We should all be able to agree on that one. And, trust your instincts. If something makes you uncomfortable that is all the reason you need. If your partner doesn't except that, they probably do not have your interest at heart. And, liars lie and cheaters cheat. That's what they do and you're not going to change that.


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## Grumpy old man (Aug 6, 2013)

No matter how beautiful she/he is someone somewhere is sick and tired of their crap.!


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

You can love each other and still disslike each other's music choices.

Mon


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

I have learned many things from all my previous partners however for me the best thing I have learned is my first partner was and is the best and that first flame never burns out and can be easily re-stoked 30 years later.

Speaking of flames, she called at six to say she had fired off the seasoned hickory in the grill at her place. By the time I get across town with this 5 pounds of sliced cow the coals should be ready and she should have the taters wrapped and the salad chilling in the fridge as I start the steaks.


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## Classof66 (Jul 9, 2011)

People who say, "I am being honest" usually aren't.


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## chamoisee (May 15, 2005)

I have learned that keeping a healthy relationship going is *work*. It doesn't matter how "right" the other person is, a good relationship with them isn't simply going to happen by itself. Compromise, sacrifice, swallowing one's pride, setting boundaries, and LOTS and LOTS of communication are all critical to making a relationship functional and enjoyable. It's important to try to look at things from the other person's perspective when there is some conflict or misunderstanding, no matter how upset/angry one is. There is no shame in changing one's mind, admitting that you were wrong, or simply goign to your partner and saying, "I don't know why I was so upset over that. I was feeling emotional and irrational at the time. I love you and want to make this work for both of us." 

And---> Play fair. NO name calling, ever. NO hitting below the belt, insulting the other's sexual performance or comparing them to previous lovers. Even when you're so upset you could scream, remember mentally even if you don't feel it at the time, that this is the person you love!


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

I was a slow learner, but I learned to love my being. I learned not to base my feelings on another's unhappiness. You can't make an unhappy person happy, but for a moment.


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

I have learned that just because I promise to love forever and mean it...doesn't mean that the other person will do the same....AND.. that is ok..

Also that those "red flags" are there for a reason...

And that I would rather be alone than with the wrong man...that I can still love him as a friend just not as a life partner...


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## Dolly (Dec 13, 2003)

It is possible for someone to lie by simply omitting important things about themselves--they don't have to lie to you about the bad things because even though they omit the bad things you still uncover them at some point.

If someone *seems* like they are narcissistic, sociopathic, and/or have Borderline Personality Disorder---they are and do. Don't second guess yourself and give them the benefit of the doubt. If you do, they will destroy your life. These people are masters at manipulating and deceiving, and they suck in, chew up, and vomit out people with the greatest ease and without guilt or even a second thought. Their brains are defective and they cannot be rehabilitated or habituated to normal feelings and behavior in any way. Get rid of them immediately.


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## Grumpy old man (Aug 6, 2013)

A prenuptial agreement usually isn't postnuptial !


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Get to know the parents / siblings of the person.
You can learn A LOT from those folks.

Make a list of 'deal breakers'.
Next to that list, make another list of "RED FLAG BEHAVIOR" that points you to your 'deal breaker' list.
Re-visit that list ONCE A MONTH and 'track' how the 'new person' is doing.......
It will keep YOU in line too!!


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

There's an amazing amount of hard earned knowledge in the previous posts. The most important person in my life other than my parents was a previous partner who was on a different spiritual path. It was one I knew about from a previous time.

While we weren't meant to be life partners, I think more than serendipity was involved in our meeting. Knowing her put me on a years long path of reading and exploration. During that period several things happened that redirected my attention. At the end I feel I was given a gift of knowledge that sustains me.

It's been twenty years since I last saw her. If I ever met her again by chance I'm not sure what I would do. I could thank her, but there's a chance that would be misunderstood. Best to smile at the memories and continue on.


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## Guest (Oct 15, 2013)

Biggest thing I know, in this line, is that when you start out looking for the "faults" you had in previous relationships, you'll find them, whether they are there or not. You need to let go the past. Don't blame the next guy for the last guy. (Or woman.)


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## sidepasser (May 10, 2002)

Pay attention to the financial warning signs if you value financial security in your life. (I am not speaking of being "rich" but it is nice to know that the lights won't be turned off either).

Pay attention to someone who says "I need therapy".

Pay attention to the little warning signs of "alcoholism, potential abuse, and/or drug use"..it's there under all the shiny glitter.

Love yourself first.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

Physical attraction is a must. A good relationship needs sizzle to keep it alive.

If someone is in trouble with the IRS or has creditors trying to track them down....RUN!!!


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## NoClue (Jan 22, 2007)

Grumpy old man said:


> No matter how beautiful she/he is someone somewhere is sick and tired of their crap.!


This should be a bumper sticker or a t-shirt


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## NoClue (Jan 22, 2007)

shanzone2001 said:


> Physical attraction is a must. A good relationship needs sizzle to keep it alive.
> 
> If someone is in trouble with the IRS or has creditors trying to track them down....RUN!!!


It took me a surprisingly long time to learn the truth to this.


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## Grumpy old man (Aug 6, 2013)

Grumpy old man said:


> No matter how beautiful she/he is someone somewhere is sick and tired of their crap.!


I lived on the beach for 30 some years and this was true more timmes than not ,many women searching for the BBD (bigger better deal ) the first time another guy came along who had more money a nicer house , a newer car ,or was better looking they were gone ! Sad but true ! Many 40 something yo single women still waiting for the "right guy " to come along :bash:


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## chamoisee (May 15, 2005)

Also: nobody is perfect and nobody is normal. Everyone has problems, baggaage, history. Determine what you are and are not able to deal with. It's not so much whether that person is good enough- they are probably good enough for somebody- it's whether you are compatible with their flaws as well as their strengths. 

For example: I cannot deal with people who are bipolar. I have Asperger's, anxiety disorder, PTSD, and *need* stability and a partner who is predictable, reliable, even tempered with no surprises. I've met a lot of really lovely, intelligent, worthwhile people who are bipolar, but a relationship with any of them simply would not work. Their swings would set off my anxiety, etc, I'd melt down, and it's a big effing mess! 

I am, however, able to handle a relationship with people who have other issues that would be deal breakers for some. It is OK with me that my BF is asocial, intensely private, a little OCD. These things don't bother me, but they might drive a different person crazy.


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## Dolly (Dec 13, 2003)

Grumpy's post reminded me of another thing to watch for... the man/woman who is with you but is still searching for 'something better'. The signs will be there if you want to see them. Mysterious phone calls or calls that 'must' be taken privately, sudden short trips away from home that 'must' be taken alone, staying online after their partner goes to bed, friends and acquaintances saying 'oh, I thought I saw your spouse/bf/gf/whatever in the store yesterday with someone'. Pay attention. If they are with you but still searching for 'something better', it's time to leave. Don't settle for being someone's second best no matter what they say.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

I learned from my second ex to be careful of someone who is TOO nice, too wonderful to you and your children. The day after we were married, it was as if he "had" me now and he startd treating me with disrespect.

Poor schmuck. His third marriage ended after 10 months. I wonder if he ever learned about relationships.


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

1)	Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. If you canât communicate, then you will have no relationship.
2)	Somewhere, sometime, both you and your partner will misinterpret, misunderstand, misconstrue. Revert to rule one when in doubt. If you donât ask, you may never know how wrong you were.
3)	Be the first to say Iâm sorry when you really mean it.
4)	Be the first to say I was wrong, when you were.
5)	Forgive even quicker than you apologize.
6)	Donât rehash something already resolved.
7)	Every relationship is new. Donât dress the new person in the old ones clothing.
8)	Anyone that blames only the other party for a relationship failure may not have done their own self work. Even in a bad relationship with a BPD violent and unstable person, there are things I could have done differently. Wouldnât have saved the marriage, but I still had room for improvement. We all do.
9)	Go in with a bucket of trust; let their actions lower the level in the bucket, not your imagination. If you go in with an empty bucket, it will never be filled, and they will never feel trusted and it will never work.

And the thing I have learned the most? That I am so sad and frustrated that my husband died and that I am trying to walk through this minefield again, at this age, with so little experience and such thin skin amongst a large group of people that are still bitter, untrusting and hurting. 

I donât want to end up cynical, untrusting and man-bashing. Iâm best in a partnership, but, like others have posted, Iâd rather be alone than to be with the wrong person.

~ST


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

what I learned from mine (meaning my husband, 25 years, mental illness that presented after marriage):

the church will not have my back. I still have Jesus, but left religion behind. Best thing I ever did.


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

Religion will not save your marriage, if is not there in the beginning, and BOTH of you are on the same page. I read the Bible, and God speaks to ME. Not what these talking heads in churches say...


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## catspjamas (Jul 14, 2013)

Never trust a man that hates cats.


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

Never trust a woman that hates dogs and cats.


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## Dolly (Dec 13, 2003)

I'll keep going... never trust someone who insults your home, especially when it is a nice house. That is a line that is simply not crossed, ever.


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

What will really blow most of your minds...

Once a machine, is cognizant of human will, it ceases to become a machine, and becomes part of the human will.

Then humans, empowered by this new cognisant strive for more, better, powerful, more than what they were before.until they cease to become human.


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

Dolly said:


> I'll keep going... never trust someone who insults your home, especially when it is a nice house. That is a line that is simply not crossed, ever.


I understand your argument from our side, if someone is dissing your home, then they won't be the one that "gets" you, and therefore an inferior mate.


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## NoClue (Jan 22, 2007)

1. Just because you/they are broken up in fact, legally, etc. doesn't mean they really feel that on the inside. Make sure they've had closure with the the past or you're just a proxy for someone else

2. Grow together or grow apart


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## Grumpy old man (Aug 6, 2013)

It's really pretty easy if you just


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Love each other, every day, like it is your last...because some day, it will be.

Mon


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

Look for the Good-don"t dwell on the bad. We are constantly evolving,if you are not-you are "stagnate". Love without conditions.


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## Abandoned Barns (Dec 25, 2012)

I've learned that when stuff goes South, you get your guns and your tools out first. Clothes you can get at Goodwill, but I've bought the same dang table saw three times now! 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I317 using Homesteading Today mobile app


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

I can't be with a smoker or drinker. My problem not theirs.
If they are in a hurry to get married watch out.
It doesn't matter how long you've known them you never really know them until you divorce them.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Abandoned Barns said:


> I've learned that when stuff goes South, you get your guns and your tools out first. Clothes you can get at Goodwill, but I've bought the same dang table saw three times now!
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I317 using Homesteading Today mobile app


Silly you, i upgraded to the bigger and better model after my divorce. She still has the damm saw in the barn with about 5 inches of chicken crap on it. It has never been used since she "inherited it". LOL


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

NoClue, your #1 hits home.

My late dh was married to a woman who was unfaithful to him during his time in Vietnam, and was 8 months pregnant when he returned from his first tour of duty. This triggered his volunteering for a 2nd tour of Vietnam, and a divorce. During that time, there was no dna testing; if you were married and your wife was pregnant, then YOU were the daddy. He paid child support, and for the girls college education.
I didn't know about this, and I met him in the 80s. Few years after that, met his family (we were both military, and far away from US) found out that I resembled his first wife. Didn't think much about it; til after we got married a few years after that. I paid for her infidelity, constantly. He was jealous, quite controlling (til I figured out how to manage that) and constantly accused me of being unfaithful. (not true--ever, though, believe me had a couple of opportunities, and thought hard about it, but was never unfaithful) EVentually, he had an affair. Then, he stopped accusing me about infidelity, but never owned up to his own. So, I think that in his mind, he got back at 'her' (certainly not me) and then was satisfied. There were other things as well, but you are right; find out if someone is broken.


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## Grumpy old man (Aug 6, 2013)

Broken / no But I have surely been with many who were severely bent , Why do some women just have to cheat ? I'm sure for the same reason as men do ! Everyone thinks the grass is greener till they get to the other side and find out it's CRABGRASS !ound:


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

If you've got a problem with crabgrass talk to the hand. That's rabbit food lol.


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

I've decided to stay single for the rest of my life in all seriousness.


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

Just so some of you guys know there are some good women still out here.... I can honestly say I have never cheated on anyone I've been in a relationship or dated a married man. I'm not tooting my own horn facts are facts.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I suppose there zre some pre 1900 autos out there
I suppose there are some planes like E Eirhart flew
I suppose there are some Colt revolving percussion shotguns out there
I suppose there are some WW 1 tanks out there
AND
I suppose there are some good women out there.

In All the above cases. THEY ARE FEW AND HARD TO FIND.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

Thank gawd DBF was willing to settle for a FLOOZIE! :bouncy:


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

An old timer I know warned us young ones that if her mother is still alive pay close attention to how she looks and acts because unless your babe is adopted the odds are 50/50 thats what your gonna be with way down the road if you hang in for the long haul and if your babe is adopted , she may not end up looking like her maw but odds are she will act like her.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

willow_girl said:


> Thank gawd DBF was willing to settle for a FLOOZIE! :bouncy:


Just for the record; I have no problems with an honest floozie


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

DBF read what I wrote and said, "I didn't settle for a floozie -- I was looking for one!" 

Bill, good women are easy to find. Dating sites are full of nice women looking for a nice man who has a steady job, likes kids, and doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs.

You probably won't find a floozie on a dating site, but if she had an ad, it would read, "You must be at least 48" tall to ride this ride. Please take safety precautions, and keep hands and feet inside car at all times!" ound: ound: ound:


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## Guest (Oct 17, 2013)

I've said before that FBB is looking for a reformed hooker who drives a tractor, can fix any type of farm equipment, scoffs at running water, prefers an outhouse, and plays the piano at church..oh..and has a minimum of a 40 D bra size, yet wears size 4 jeans...has no facial wrinkles, or sagging ..and will never age or become ill....


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

FarmboyBill said:


> I suppose there zre some pre 1900 autos out there
> I suppose there are some planes like E Eirhart flew
> I suppose there are some Colt revolving percussion shotguns out there
> I suppose there are some WW 1 tanks out there
> ...


No we are not. We just aren't at the place you talk about going to look and we don't dress the way you think women should dress.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

And when we stay home most of the time it makes us even harder to find!


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

There are BUNCHES of us "Good Women", Bill, and we are NOT hard to find! Unless you're lookin' for us in bars & other seedy places!


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

I don't think i have really looked very well. I met lots of women at work but they are clients and that's a no no. With my (homesteadish) lifestyle, lots of women are not into that around here. Many love the IDEA of canning and growing food, harvesting and such. But when its time to actually do it, most would rather be drinking with their alchy friends. Lets face it canning and chore involves considerable amounts of time, that's the lifestyle. You can't be mall hopping and canning at the same time. Unless you have a mule at home to do the work as you play. I have done that with the last two women 'cause the stuff was ripe and ready to go. I'm done with that ride. Funny how they want always the jars in their pantry and talk the canning talk to show off their canning prow ness to their drinking friends. I cut the last one loose for just such a reason. Good riddance. I just hate being around lazy people that drink too much. Pulls me down.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Sorry didnt meant to write a rant. :hammer:


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

If you want to get to know sociopaths, become a prison psychologist. You don't have to date or marry them to find out who they are or what makes them tick.

It takes a minimum of two years for people to truly expose who they really are. The good, the bad and the quirky. It takes that long for enough life to happen to trigger a full range of emotional responses to work through. 

All men are NOT the same. Any woman who says they are, shouldn't have tried to sample them all.

All women are not the same. Any man who says they are shouldn't have tried to sample them all.


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## Grumpy old man (Aug 6, 2013)

NEVER ,NEVER,NEVER BUY A HOME OR RENTAL PROPERTY WITH A GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND ! Believe me it's not worth any amount of profit you hope to make !


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Terri in WV said:


> And when we stay home most of the time it makes us even harder to find!


So how do we find you???? Cause we stay home most of the time as well!! ;(


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## Grumpy old man (Aug 6, 2013)

doingitmyself said:


> So how do we find you???? Cause we stay home most of the time as well!! ;(


Farmersonly.com:rock:


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Well, I go out to a farmish sale once a month. And I don't see any psyciological? difference between most of them. None walk around with (Im a good gal) stamped on their forehead, so, I don't see a way to cut to the chase and divide all those good gals you say are out there from the worthless/useless/ floozies/flopizes lol


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## wendle (Feb 22, 2006)

Shygal said:


> What I learned is that I would rather live without one, than live with the wrong one


Ditto! I'm sure the right one is out there somewhere, but I just haven't met him yet.


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

wendle said:


> Ditto! I'm sure the right one is out there somewhere, but I just haven't met him yet.


If ya'll live like hermits, what makes you believe you might meet someone with like interests...or someone that might grow to like some things you like, and you their likes?

If you don't venture and explore life a little outside of your safe haven, you must be expecting something to drop from the sky? You will more than likely live out your life in solitude and end up lonely?

I realize that some are okay...hell, I'm okay with that! I like living it as it is, and i'm happy! Doesn't keep me from curling my lip in a breeze though! Most of you have mega people within a mile or two of you, but it's much safer if you're hundreds if not more miles away, and can say it with an alias over the internet?

There are outstanding people on this site, but it's a lot safer if they're further away? Shuck your shells people! Take some risk and grow!

Wasn't necessarily directed at you Wendle, but I see it on here so much. I'll step off/fall off the soapbox?

*What do you learn? We all learn, or we are stupid if we don't. It ain't all bad either!*


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

doingitmyself said:


> So how do we find you???? Cause we stay home most of the time as well!! ;(


Here! :heh:

But to answer LJ seriously, I still have kids at home, so I'm not going to shuck my shell much and subject them to who knows what.


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## NickieL (Jun 15, 2007)

Never share bank accounts. 


Sent from my iPhone using Homesteading Today


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

Terri in WV said:


> Here! :heh:
> 
> But to answer LJ seriously, I still have kids at home, so I'm not going to shuck my shell much and subject them to who knows what.


 
OK, but why not? You will surely investigate a potential date some? You won't expose your kids to unknown? My kids encouraged me to date/grow/explore, but I didn't at that time? Guess I'm a late bloomer, or way behind? Probly way behind?

I've been on here so long, I'm an oldtimer! I've been exploring life and living in little snippets, and have no to little advice to give, except live it. Live it well, and live it right! Explore it, and you won't do that living as a hermit. Maybe you can enrich your life as well as others?


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

There's really a multitude of reasons.

I don't live near family, so unless my kids are in school, they are always with me. I don't have anyone to leave them with. My oldest is 27 and handicapped, so I don't feel right in leaving her with someone that wouldn't be able to communicate with her and that she wouldn't know.

The other kids lost their dad at such a young age. They would really like to have another dad and it's not fair to them, to think by me dating, they might get one. 

Then there's the simple fact of my age. I'll be 50 in a couple of months and there's not many guys in my age range that would care to date a woman with young kids(and 4 of them to boot!). Or, for that matter, would want to get involved with someone that has a handicapped and a special needs child. Most in that age bracket have raised their kids and don't want to step into those shoes again. The rare men that would consider such a venture are just that, rare.

Then there's the simple fact that I don't have a clue as to how to even go about dating any more, it's been so long.


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## Grumpy old man (Aug 6, 2013)

There's something to be said for having children when your young ,I was 22 when my son was born and 26 when my daughter was .Yes it was hard ,yes there were times when money was tight but the benefit of being young enough to enjoy many things with them while they were growing up like water skiing /Snow skiing and the like would have been not so easy to do in my 50's . Many people are waiting longer and longer to marry and have children when they "can afford it " may find themselves childless and alone before they know it . Chasing the perfect picture before you leap may have you jumping off the cliff alone , Point being no one is perfect yet we chase the ultimate partner at what cost ? I have a friend who waited for the money and he is 50 with a 2 year old I'm not so sure I would be able to "keep up" with a 10 year old at 60 or send them of to college at almost 70 .We all have our own habits/quirks and if you can't accept that fact you will forever be chasing the perfect one !


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## moonwolf (Sep 20, 2004)

one extraordinary thing that I've learned is that living with a mate for years does Not guarantee that the mate will be trustworthy as a faithful mate. Untrustworthiness in an ultimate collision course for guaranteeing the end to a marriage lifespan.


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## bowdonkey (Oct 6, 2007)

bostonlesley said:


> I've said before that FBB is looking for a reformed hooker who drives a tractor, can fix any type of farm equipment, scoffs at running water, prefers an outhouse, and plays the piano at church..oh..and has a minimum of a 40 D bra size, yet wears size 4 jeans...has no facial wrinkles, or sagging ..and will never age or become ill....


Sounds like a winner! And of course a nice fishing boat is a big plus up here.


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## Grumpy old man (Aug 6, 2013)

Does she have a younger sister ?:gaptooth:


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

One thing I've learned is that I truly am a happy person and not everyone truly wants to be or lets themselves be happy.


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## Grumpy old man (Aug 6, 2013)

WhyNot said:


> One thing I've learned is that I truly am a happy person and not everyone truly wants to be or lets themselves be happy.


I saw a insurance commercial many years ago with an older women sitting drinking tea and part of what she said was , I only have 1 decision to make every day whether I want to wake up happy or mad and I choose to be happy . it stuck me that it really was that easy and since then I wake up happy everyday , Everyone has problems / deadlines/issues/ but they shouldn't change the way I begin my morning and I choose the love life and family first (although I may want to throttle the kids by lunch time !):kiss: Thats how I got the Grumpy old man nick name from my kids complaining about how I'm always in a good mood . they think it's annoying !


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

There are a lot of things we are told (as humans) that we cannot choose or have to have a certain thing or event happen before we can be "a certain way". Not correct. The mind is a wonderful terrible thing. We all choose our emotional state whether we want to see it that way or not. Sure there are times when hysterical crying is necessary to flush the emotional system lol...there are times when we have to cycle through our anger and go on top of a mountain and yell or chop some wood to get those heightened negative states out.....but part of our problem in society is that we don't understand that how we feel about things and how we deal with things emotionally are things we can choose. Those who claim they were out of control of themselves and had no choice simply chose not to make one...by not making one.

I need coffee I am not sure if that will make sense to anyone but me at the moment


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

I have learned that when monkey's fling poo, it makes me laugh...LOL
And that potential mates fake what you want to hear. Then they cant live up to their jibber jabber.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

I have learned that we all have our own 'truth".


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

That I am turned off by emotionally weak and needy men. If I am tougher than you it is not going to work out. Men need to be men.


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

bowdonkey said:


> Sounds like a winner! And of course a nice fishing boat is a big plus up here.


You forgot the motor. Boat AND motor!


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## whiskeylivewire (May 27, 2009)

I've learned that I will no longer tolerate racism of any kind.
I've learned more about trapping than I ever truly wanted to know .
I've learned that I'm a lot stronger than I thought previously.
I've learned more about the Army.
I've learned that I'm an idiot when it comes to men lol
I've learned that good sex does not equate a happy marriage....
And the list can go on...

Sent from my LGL86C using Homesteading Today mobile app


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

I learned how powerful love is. And what amazing human beings my sons are! And how to trust when there is no shred of any evidence that it will be ok.


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

First thing that pops to mind is reverse rodeo


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

Ride 'em cowgirl!


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

oneraddad said:


> First thing that pops to mind is reverse rodeo


I am naughtier than most and can handle the most provocative responses, but for some reason that comment icked me out.....Sourdough, is that you????


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

Nothing against you Oneraddad....it is a jab at an old friend we had here a while back. If you knew him you would understand! =)


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Ride the cowgirl? Sounds good to me LOL


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

shanzone2001 said:


> Nothing against you Oneraddad....it is a jab at an old friend we had here a while back. If you knew him you would understand! =)



Don't worry about it, I know what to expect from you liberal Californian's


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

oneraddad said:


> Don't worry about it, I know what to expect from you liberal Californian's


Those are fightng words!!! l reside in Northern Ca where there are still conservative counties!!!


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## menollyrj (Mar 15, 2006)

I learned from my first husband that love doesn't fix broken people, especially if they don't know they are broken.

I also learned that you can polish on dog poo for five years and all you come away with is dirty hands. There's no diamond buried in there.


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## Grumpy old man (Aug 6, 2013)

She's not as cute or skinny in the morning as she was last night !


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Funny how that happens lol


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## bowdonkey (Oct 6, 2007)

Darren said:


> You forgot the motor. Boat AND motor!


The motor was implied. If she doesn't have the sense to have a motor on that boat, you're just looking for trouble. I would cut her some slack though if she kept the live well stocked. A couple 12 paks of Guinneses extra stout would keep me very happy while she rows us around the lake.


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## badsanta (Feb 6, 2014)

Falling in love is the easy part. Staying in love takes a real effort.


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