# I choose to live



## EvoQ

I'm back after a long hiatus spent working to get my stuff* together. The last 8 months have brought profound change to many aspects of my life. I finally decided that it was either me save myself or give up. I can't begin to explain all the sickness that resided in me no longer has sway over my daily life. Even though I have come millions of miles I still have a journey left to fulfill. I am the Luckiest Man on Earth for I saw something in myself that no one else would or possibly could. It started with the realization that I was someone that was not me. At 53 years I can now become whom I should have been all along. I choose to Live not to just exist; to thrive rather than barely breathe. Yes I am very lucky.


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## sisterpine

Woohoo! Praise the Lord and pass the good tidings! I am so very very happy for you! I have so been in the same dark place you visited and have also decided to LIVE. Congrats on a wise decision.


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## vmannam12

Welcome


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## EvoQ

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. DT


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## mzgarden

Well done. I hope you continue to become exactly who you are meant to be and I'm sure your experiences will serve as inspiration to others.


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## EvoQ

I was near death all the hair on my arms legs chest and pubic area had all fallen out. I was bleeding from both ends my teeth were rotting due to lack of calcium. It was just a matter of time and I would have died.


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## sisterpine

Now I could surely stand to lose the hair on my legs and pits LOL, I don't really have hair on my arms or legs to speak of, must be an old age thing!

I for one am glad that you are here, one can never have to many different perspectives!


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## ChristieAcres

EvoQ said:


> I was near death all the hair on my arms legs chest and pubic area had all fallen out. I was bleeding from both ends my teeth were rotting due to lack of calcium. It was just a matter of time and I would have died.


As another who can relate to choosing to live, making the decision to move forward and become all you are meant to be? Yesterday is flat gone, today is here to be won, and tomorrow never comes. I wish you the best!


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## EvoQ

I was very very sick ; over the course of the last 6 months I have lost 260 lbs. And now in fantastic condition. I went from barely being able to leave my house to riding my mountain bike for a 30 mile ride in morning then running bleachers hard for 30 minutes and then another 30 mile mnt. bike ride. At 1 point in an 10 week period I lost 160 lbs. I hardly can believe all that I accomplished. It boggles my mind where that person went to. I now weigh 170 lbs at 6 foot 2 inches at 53 years very young. 
This all happened because I was suppose to be someone that I wasnt. Having a terrible car wreck back in 2003 and subsequent major back surgery in 2004. Back then as akways I had very strenuous career very physical work. I was on all sorts of medications to be able to work like a dog. Overtime and uo to 109 hours a week demanded that I overcome the pain and stiffness. All went well for some 8 years then as I had worried it all came tumbling down upon me. I now am all natural no way no how will I ever trust doctors or for most part this world which is as corrupt as the middle ages. Lately I have focused on my mind body spirit soul. I have come millions of miles and that journey has showed me that I now must devote my remaining time on Spaceship Mother Earth helping my fellow man. All my talents skills and experience will be for others to use as tools to Change their futures. 
Yes I am the Luckiest Man on this planet.


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## vmannam12

EvoQ said:


> I was very very sick ; over the course of the last 6 months I have lost 260 lbs. And now in fantastic condition. I went from barely being able to leave my house to riding my mountain bike for a 30 mile ride in morning then running bleachers hard for 30 minutes and then another 30 mile mnt. bike ride. At 1 point in an 10 week period I lost 160 lbs. I hardly can believe all that I accomplished. It boggles my mind where that person went to. I now weigh 170 lbs at 6 foot 2 inches at 53 years very young.
> This all happened because I was suppose to be someone that I wasnt. Having a terrible car wreck back in 2003 and subsequent major back surgery in 2004. Back then as akways I had very strenuous career very physical work. I was on all sorts of medications to be able to work like a dog. Overtime and uo to 109 hours a week demanded that I overcome the pain and stiffness. All went well for some 8 years then as I had worried it all came tumbling down upon me. I now am all natural no way no how will I ever trust doctors or for most part this world which is as corrupt as the middle ages. Lately I have focused on my mind body spirit soul. I have come millions of miles and that journey has showed me that I now must devote my remaining time on Spaceship Mother Earth helping my fellow man. All my talents skills and experience will be for others to use as tools to Change their futures.
> Yes I am the Luckiest Man on this planet.


Very inspiring post. It proves again that if we are determined, we can achieve anything. Thanks for sharing your experience.


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## EvoQ

I am a Nobody nothing Special I decided I wanted to Live rather than surely die as I was soon for a coffin. I sacrificed got rid of cable tv , Internet, smartphone, etc. so I could focus on my health. I was much more important than entertainment. I now use a local free wifi coffee house for any entertainment. Ultimately we only have Ourselves to blame. We get what we deserve. I am so glad that I just didn't singly focus on my body but I spent hours each day in self reflection. I am not anywhere near the same person that was trying and failing to deal with childhood abuse. My whole life these emotional and developmental issues followed me as I sm sure that most everyone can say these same words. Why heal my body and internal organs hut leave my mind still very very sick? Making the effort to get my mind healthy has shown me that I was so blind of this world. Now I am slowly changing my status in this world. That will them take me to the next level; the awakening has started.


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## sisterpine

Too bad there is not someplace to donate your left over skin? I am not making a funny, hundreds of thousands of people need skin grafts every year and many of us are walking around with a bunch extra!


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## EvoQ

I gained and then lost the weight in only 3 years my skin is not that saggy thankgoodness. I am so fortunate unless you have first hand knowledge its hard to imagine. I now have moved onto toning my muscles with my own weight resistance training. I sit watch a documentary on computer while doing crunches I am very lucky to have a flat toned stomach at 53. Here at the prime if my life. I have seen that when you fight for yourself that is an incredible healing mechanism.
Body, Mind, Spirit, Soul


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## EvoQ

The other day 170lbs.


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## RedEarth

Congratulations on getting healthy.

Enjoyed the Dylan Thomas. I named my first son Dylan


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## ClubMike

Good job


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## EvoQ

We have had tremendous flooding rains the last 2 weeks. Heres a couple pics of my crew at Cahaba Natl wildlife reserve.


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## EvoQ

And more if interested.


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## sisterpine

I have actually never seen the body of a person who has lost 260 pounds. Though I have seen my daughter lose 100 pounds and am familiar with the amount of skin she had to deal with. Apparently you found a way to shrink said skin at your age and I think you should publish a book or something and make a zillion from whatever you did to accomplish this. Really, sis


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## EvoQ

Listen I was dying i now know that at this point in my life Money means absolutely nothing to me. After what I was and am still going thru I learned that this life is not my own. Whatever time I have left is devoted to Being all that I can become maybe even Nothing if so Be it. I devote my future to helping others. The human body and mind is capable of the impossible or to some you only limit yourself by what your kind can dream up. 
That's I chose to Live not just exist.


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## RichNC

EvoQ said:


> The human body and mind is capable of the impossible or to some you only limit yourself by what your kind can dream up.


With that said, I would really like to know your secret, and I agree with the poster above you should write a book!!


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## CajunSunshine

Wow. What a beautiful testimony to the human spirit. You learned firsthand that _it is not about the mountain of obstacles that we face, but ourselves..._

Aside from the incredible journey you have undertaken, one of the (many) things that stand out to me is that you expressed how you would like to help others. This you already have done just by being an example of how the perception of limitations can be overcome. You found a way. 

I hope you also find a way to share more of your journey with the world...a book? A blog? Or even on here, as you are doing? (Whatever means you choose, please don't stop!) I would especially love to know how you ditched the docs and went natural...especially in terms of pain management.

I wish there was a "I love this whole thread" button (the "like" button is too puny for this one!), so I'll use this instead ----> :thumb:

Keep on keeping on!


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## EvoQ

I wish I could expand further upon this story of mine and I will be glad to tell about my journey so that possibly others might benefit in some way. Excuse my poor communication skills for I am only at the beginning of this new found awareness. I have yet been able to fully understand all this and am still formulating strategies on moving forward with my plans on devoting my life in helping others.
I fully appreciate skepticism as my own beliefs hold that it's almost impossible to believe what one reads on the Internet. I myself have yet to fully appreciate what has happened to me. I am again nothing special in that originally I just knew that if I did not try with my entire Being that I was soon for a coffin. My story is long it starts in childhood with abuse on many levels. That education that was thrust upon me at such an early age which formulated my abilities to become a survivor. I was once told by an ER doctor that was also a priest at said catholic hospital that I had been Chozen to bear the burdens that others were not strong enough to bare. Since that moment those words have resounded and stayed with me all those many years ago. 
At one point I lost 32 lbs overnight I was incredulous how why ? I weighed myself some 6 times that day to somehow prove I was not seeing things. During that extreme pushing my body way past its limits daily for months and months I learned many many issues about myself. I spent my entire day for these last 8 months in self improvement. Not only my body health but also those vastly important aspects of mental health and my spirit which eventually blossoms into your soul. Hours upon hours sitting at kitchen table reading about philosophy. Studying human behavior. Writing down my thoughts. It has been my job to improve my situation. Early on I knew that I was far from worthy of saving in my current form. Then I knew this life was not my own to live. I feel we all are bound by genetics and our earliest environments; that these 2 form your persona. I had been trying to Be someone that I could never become. I was the typical workaholic accomplishing many many things in my career. However all that left me unfulfilled wanting always wanting more and more. I was headed down a road that we are all preached to that we must work hard make lots of money so we can consume and consume. But I was still so so hungry for something more. 
My journey has only begun I try my best but fail Miserably in Not Being Proud. For I now know that my hunger can only be satisfied by devoting what time I have left to saving myself so that I can somehow help others. Having that unique bond with people that are struggling hurting and maybe have let that monster Fear rule their daily lives. I try very hard to stay focused but it is so hard when there is so much pain outside my door. But yet there is more much to be thankful for. 
One day I might be able to better my message and actually have a method for helping others that have faced what I have faced. Until then I struggle each and every day to reinvent myself to bring about the change the difference that is the Only Life Giver. 
Plato said "That a unexamined life is not worth living" I finally understand that most everything that I know is a lie or some misinformation. Sometimes 1 can be greater than 2 or 3 or 10. I will endeavor to pull this veil over my eyes away to reveal what we all should be our main focus. Turning to our neighbor and asking how can I help. Thanks for listening.....


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## RichNC

Well you have had a genuine gift from God then, keep up the faith man!!


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## EvoQ

Thank you. I personally feel that my journey has been a personal awakening. I'm not religious but tend to gravitate towards pure buddhism holding oneself accountable for his every action living not for this world but in the moment.


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