# Do you let people set you up?



## lazyBum (Feb 27, 2012)

My neighbors want to set me up with a relative of theirs. These things never go well. I usually get nervous and can't think of anything to say. Or I get nervous and do something stupid and make my date mad. Then whoever set me up gets angry because I ruined a sure thing.

This girl sounds interesting. I'm 30 and she is 23. So, I think she would be old enough to know what she wants. I've dated younger women when I was younger and they seemed to out grow me quickly. She just graduated college with a good degree. 

They say she is shy. I'm pretty shy too. Have you seen two shy people on a date? It's just a bunch of ackward silence and boredom.

It's been over 4 years since my last date. It would be nice to go out. But, the last woman somebody tried setting me up with said I looked like a serial killer. I'm tired of these things not going well.


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## hawgsquatch (May 11, 2014)

First, if a 23 year old girl with a college degree needs to be set up on a date, what is wrong with her?

Second, you can't ruin a sure thing. It wasn't so sure if it was ruined. The point of dating is to test compatibility. Its not a flaking job interview have fun. If it helps don't go on a date, go on a picnic or a walk or fishing. 

Third, if she says you look like a serial killer, ask her if she would mind stopping at your place for a minute and helping you fix your wood chipper.....then giggle uncontrollably for a while.


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

What idiot would say that to someone on a first date??? What exactly does a typical serial killer look like?


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## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

hawgsquatch said:


> Third, if she says you look like a serial killer, ask her if she would mind stopping at your place for a minute and helping you fix your wood chipper.....then giggle uncontrollably for a while.


Touche!


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

Nope, I don't let people set me up. I'm perfectly capable of picking the wrong guy all by myself. I really don't need the help LOL


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I like to make my own mistakes. Im good at it when I apply myself. That's why I don't.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

You know what's way nicer? If your neighbors just host a small gathering of several people and invite you both. That way it's a group thing, if something sparks then fine, and if it doesn't, no harm no foul. Everyone goes home with their potluck dish and their dignity intact. Make sure to tell your neighbors, no promises on the outcome. Then just have a good time.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Yup, a group thing, food and fun. It stays fun as long as the paired people don't act all spazzy and pushy.


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## lazyBum (Feb 27, 2012)

hawgsquatch said:


> First, if a 23 year old girl with a college degree needs to be set up on a date, what is wrong with her?
> 
> Second, you can't ruin a sure thing. It wasn't so sure if it was ruined. The point of dating is to test compatibility. Its not a flaking job interview have fun. If it helps don't go on a date, go on a picnic or a walk or fishing.
> 
> Third, if she says you look like a serial killer, ask her if she would mind stopping at your place for a minute and helping you fix your wood chipper.....then giggle uncontrollably for a while.


I'm 30 with a degree and a good paying job. What's wrong with me? Other than being very quiet and ugly.


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## lazyBum (Feb 27, 2012)

handymama said:


> What idiot would say that to someone on a first date??? What exactly does a typical serial killer look like?


We didn't even make it to the first date. We were just trading pictures. Then she got upset because I stopped talking to her.

I hate having my picture taken. I hate taking my own even more. It's obvious in the pictures I'm not having fun. I don't smile in them. When I do smile they look even worse. 

And serial killers look like ******** apparently.


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## lazyBum (Feb 27, 2012)

Even if we met at a group thing I probably wouldn't ask her out. I don't like when people I know can find out how badly I screwed things up.


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## hawgsquatch (May 11, 2014)

lazyBum said:


> I'm 30 with a degree and a good paying job. What's wrong with me? Other than being very quiet and ugly.


My friend you need to get yourself an attitude adjustment. If you continue to refer to yourself as ugly then that is the image you will project. 

Some people are more easy on the eyes than others, but no one is ugly that does not choose to be. Ugly is a state of mind not a physical characteristic. 

Why don't you think of yourself as reserved or taciturn instead of quiet. Because you are quiet I bet you don't say something unless you really mean it. That is a VERY desirable quality. Men of few words make those words count and those they choose to share them with are gifted with that level of communication. Anyone worth being around will recognize that. 

Physical beauty is fleeting. Everyone is less comely at 80 than they were at 20 except for Joan Rivers and she's dead. Emotional beauty is forever. A pretty face can get destroyed in an accident, but a caring, giving heart will continue to light the world with its beauty long after it has left this world.

Accentuate the beautiful parts of you man. I guarantee there is a part of you that is fantastic. You're just going to have to take a risk and let it out. Speakin of ********, you ever look at Willie Robertson? The dude is less than purty man. But I bet we both agree that he seems to have landed himself a very virtuous, attractive mate. That's because he has a heck of a lot more to offer than a pretty face. He is a leader and a protector and he honors her. In fact, if you actually treat a lady like a lady, and introduce some manners and chivalry, you will be so far ahead of the competition you will be beating them off with a stick.

I aint exactly a model. I am 6 foot two and two hundred and ninety five pounds. Society says I am fat, society is right. But what society cannot see from the outside is that on the inside I am a warm, caring, gentle and empathetic man. Know what? Society doesn't get to judge my worth because I decide that one. I do not require the approval of society to pursue my dreams because I know exactly who and what I am. If I had listened to society I would still assume that I was dumb. I wouldn't be educated because I would have never tried. I used to let my self perception get in the way of asking women out. Not anymore, I figure if they say no I have heard that one before. I start getting worried when they say yes. 

I wont go too evangelical on you, but my faith helps me with this every single day. I figure if God can see all of my imperfections and he still loves me, I better just go ahead and love me too (just to be on the safe side) and when you love yourself a little you project love. Love begets love and miracles happen. Go get your miracle.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

First, when I was single I never had time to be set up.

Second; if you are 30 and have not had a date in four years, you are not highly motivated. A normal woman would not be satisfied with that.

My advice is to let the girl go find a man who is hot after her bod.


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## hawgsquatch (May 11, 2014)

lazyBum said:


> Even if we met at a group thing I probably wouldn't ask her out. I don't like when people I know can find out how badly I screwed things up.


I cant remember who said this but I think about it all the time.

quote; "I never ever lose. I either win, or I learn something."


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

Serial killers look like ********? Then I have to find out where my SO is hiding the bodies, I need to add a few.
What are ******** serial killing? Deer? Budweisers?
Sounds like she wasn't your type anyway. Are you exposed to any situations where you have the opportunity to meet like minded women?
If you like tractors and gardening you best get your butt to some county fairs and conventions.
If you have a job you're waaay ahead of a lot of guys.
And chivalry is HOT. Remember that.
Edited to add: my one that got away, who I thought was just insanely sexy and fun, drove a Toyota pickup with rusted out holes in the floorboards. He was about six three and at LEAST three hundred pounds. He was always covered in grease and concrete dust, etc. He was a mig welder and had acne. 
He made me laugh so much, was so nice to my daughter, and boy did he know how to treat a lady!


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

Wow Hawgsquatch!, You are on the roll this Morning-Two Great posts!, brightened up my day*, Thank You, and have a good day!


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## summerdaze (Jun 11, 2009)

You said you had a good job, so....is it possible to fix some of the things that you are self conscience about? Up to date hair cut, trip to the dentist, work out a little/shed some weight and maybe some better clothes, etc..? I don't know what it is that makes you look like a serial killer, but when you look in the mirror, what do YOU see? Some things you'd have to throw a lot of money at to make better, but some things are relatively easy fixes, so why not start there? 

If you've got a big, thick unibrow or something, that could make you look quite evil. But it's also easy to shave away in a couple of minutes. Hair can be cut, whether it's on the head, in the ears, or up the nose! unruly beard/mustache? Again, quick fixes. I'd go to a stylist and let them wash, cut your hair, trim up any facial hair, etc.. You don't want to look like a 5 yr old that got ahold of mom's scissors and had a go at yourself. 

A new pair of pants and shirt can make you feel like a million bucks. Maybe shed the ******* look, at least while you're trying to talk to a girl. I don't mean suit and tie, just maybe step away from the plaid flannels a little.
Find a good manly scent and spray a little on. A good smelling man is a joy! (Assuming that you've already scrubbed up and look and smell good to begin with.) 

In short, DO the things you CAN DO to feel better about yourself. Start there. And stop self bashing. That's not attractive or helpful at all. You've got some good qualities. Start saying THOSE out loud. I know you're shy, but when you DO speak, make an effort to say positive things. DON"T sound like EYORE from Winnie the Pooh. Positive attracts positive. Good luck!


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## Dutchie (Mar 14, 2003)

lazyBum said:


> Even if we met at a group thing I probably wouldn't ask her out. I don't like when people I know can find out how badly I screwed things up.


Why do you think you screw things up?


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

I will entertain the idea of being setup, however i do not a first date as a group date with other couples. Too much pressure and too many expectations. No time to get to know her with all the distractions.

I do much better one on one in a causal atmosphere like a swap meet, flea market, farmers market, antique mall, or a road trip to a destination wine tasting.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Dutchie said:


> Why do you think you screw things up?


Good question!

it sounds to me that Lazybum is setting himself up for failure.


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## Guest (Sep 24, 2014)

LOL..I work with real serial killers...the vast majority of them are good looking guys..otherwise they'd have trouble attracting victims..


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

Holy crap! That chill you feel is because heck just froze over because FBB and I agreed on something. LOL


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

lazyBum said:


> I'm 30 with a degree and a good paying job. What's wrong with me? Other than being very quiet and ugly.


I once heard an excellent statement. "All women are beautiful: some are just more so than others". It works the other way around as well: women consider men to be handsome because they are men. The important part is whether you are the kind of human being that a particular woman finds appealing. 

All women favor some human beings over others: some women like guys who are intelligent, some like guys who are kind, some like extroverts, others like introverts. Etc. 

Get to know women as people, and be a person, and let them know you think they are cute. Because there are about a billion women out there who think that nice guys are cute, but if you do not know them well enough for them to KNOW you are a nice guy then how will they know they like you??? 

Because guys are nice to look at, but that is not enough for most women. They have to like you inside as well. They have to know you as a person as well for the sparks to fly.

Terri


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

And you know? Maybe the potential date is having the SAME conversation with a group of people that you are!

Mon


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

BRRRRRRRRRRR Baby, its cold inside lol


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## lazyBum (Feb 27, 2012)

Dutchie said:


> Why do you think you screw things up?


I think too  much. I try so hard to make things perfect. I put too much pressure on myself.


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

Gosh, if you're that stressed on a date, there's no way you are having any fun. You're not supossed to try so hard you aren't being yourself.


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## lazyBum (Feb 27, 2012)

handymama said:


> Serial killers look like ********? Then I have to find out where my SO is hiding the bodies, I need to add a few.
> What are ******** serial killing? Deer? Budweisers?
> Sounds like she wasn't your type anyway. Are you exposed to any situations where you have the opportunity to meet like minded women?
> If you like tractors and gardening you best get your butt to some county fairs and conventions.
> ...


How did he get away?


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## copperkid3 (Mar 18, 2005)

handymama said:


> What idiot would say that to someone on a first date??? *
> What exactly does a typical serial killer look like?*


********************************************


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

He got into drugs and I couldn't have him around my kid. It started with lortabs because he ended up with carpal tunnel from the welding. Last I heard he was dealing. Sad really.


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

Copperkid you crack me up lol


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## copperkid3 (Mar 18, 2005)

lazyBum said:


> How did he get away?


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
in that old rust bucket Toyota!


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## lazyBum (Feb 27, 2012)

handymama said:


> He got into drugs and I couldn't have him around my kid. It started with lortabs because he ended up with carpal tunnel from the welding. Last I heard he was dealing. Sad really.


That is sad. Love can't always save people.


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## lazyBum (Feb 27, 2012)

bostonlesley said:


> LOL..I work with real serial killers...the vast majority of them are good looking guys..otherwise they'd have trouble attracting victims..


She picked a poor way to tell me I'm handsome.


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## Allen W (Aug 2, 2008)

I have a cousin who simply tells friends when they want to set him up that "My friends don't do things like that to me."


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

Allen W said:


> I have a cousin who simply tells friends when they want to set him up that "My friends don't do things like that to me."


I say 'I just couldn't do that to my friends!':hammer:


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

So are you gonna let em set you up?


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## hawgsquatch (May 11, 2014)

I would do it if just for practice. Go out, have a great time and refuse to feel any pressure. What is the worst thing that can happen? You aren't responsible to make things click, you are responsible to be a pleasant and polite young man. That's it. If you act in an appropriate manner no one should have anything to say about it. Remember nobody can make you feel anything without your consent.


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## sdnapier (Aug 13, 2010)

hawgsquatch said:


> Some people are more easy on the eyes than others, but no one is ugly that does not choose to be. Ugly is a state of mind not a physical characteristic.


So totally agree!

I went to lunch meeting with a business associate once who was pretty rough looking. He didn't talk about himself but proceeded to ask me questions about myself and actually LISTENED to my answers. What a turn on. I wanted to take this guy home and keep him! It's all about how you treat the other person.


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## Guest (Sep 26, 2014)

Only if I've fallen over and can't get up.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Love the comic relief zong!


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## lazyBum (Feb 27, 2012)

I need to go ask the neighbor for the girls phone number.

Do you think lunch would be good for a first meeting?


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

Yeah. I'd pick casual, nothing fancy. Just somewhere you can talk.


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

handymama said:


> What idiot would say that to someone on a first date??? What exactly does a typical serial killer look like?


Apparently like a lazybum?

<grin>

~ST


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Only person I let set me up is my bartender and after our first meeting all of them know that my set up when I walk through the door is a double shot of bourbon and long neck Bud.

My women like my dogs I chose on my own. Some were good, some tore up the house and went potty on the carpet (one of the women I picked went potty on the hall carpet too and I got shed of her and changed my zip code real fast  ).


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

*NO!*



Raeven said:


> You know what's way nicer? If your neighbors just host a small gathering of several people and invite you both. That way it's a group thing, if something sparks then fine, and if it doesn't, no harm no foul. Everyone goes home with their potluck dish and their dignity intact. Make sure to tell your neighbors, no promises on the outcome. Then just have a good time.





Laura said:


> Yup, a group thing, food and fun. It stays fun as long as the paired people don't act all spazzy and pushy.


DONT Fall for this its a great way for two people to avoid each other while being embarrassed by people pushing them at each other.


*NO!* 



lazyBum said:


> I need to go ask the neighbor for the girls phone number.
> 
> Do you think lunch would be good for a first meeting?


Are you REALLY going to call a stranger up and invite her to do something most girls find embarrassing in front of you?

Ok these friends think you guys are perfect for each other Ask them why? Ask them to think of something you both like to do Then Call the girl up and say " Hi I'm Bum and Im going to the Homesteading rabbit show My neighbors Thought you might like to see it would you like to meet me there?

This is way easier for you. She doesn't have to perform. You are going anyway so she doesn't feel like she has to or you will be disappointed. She is independent.
If you guys do eat you can get hot dogs and walk alongside each other NOT stare into each others dental work!
Best yet if she is a Dog you still get to see the rabbit show.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Gosh, this dating business appears difficult!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

It IS difficult. That's why I DONT do it?


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

It's this easy! You make a date with a person for whatever---coffee, a movie, a auction. You go in this date and you just go with no expectations. Don't try to do anything that you wouldn't do in front of your grandmother. Either both of you have a nice time or not. If it's the latter, just move to the next person.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Do I *let *people set me up? People who actually know me would never try.

This whole thread was exhausting to read. Whatever happens...good luck, I think.

Oh...and if it feels weird or you are having this much anxiety and etc. pondering this situation....the answer, to me, is :you are just not ready to be in a relationship or date if you have to ask what to do next. You're 30, get over it. It's just flippin lunch or coffee or whatever. If you are this freaked out, insecure and uncertain now....what the heck are you going to do if she says yes??


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I kinda sorta agree with you, at 30. BUT Ive always been that way, and since I havnt had a date in 5 yrs, Id likely be that way at my age.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

FarmboyBill said:


> I kinda sorta agree with you, at 30. BUT Ive always been that way, and since I havnt had a date in 5 yrs, Id likely be that way at my age.


Nothing wrong with being that way Bill

What I'm trying to point out is.....if you have to figure out "how to be" .... what is it that you think is so wrong with yourself that you can't just be yourself? 

Having to figure out how to be to land a man (in my case) is exhausting...there is no "way to be" .. be you. You don't want the rest of them anyway.

Be shy and awkward and saying the wrong thing. There is someone out there that finds that endearing and awesome. But you'll never find out if you are always trying to be and do something different than you are or don't try or get out there because of whatever it is that's holding you back. Deal with yourself first, deal with whatever it is that holds you back. Either way you'll be even happier with or without a date for the barn dance


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

Dating isn't difficult. Not at all. You just have to see it as though you're not going on a date!

Treat her like a person. Don't treat her like a potential wife, nor a potential girlfriend even. Just as you would any other person. 

Be yourself. It's dinner. Or a walk. Or a movie. What would you do if it was a lifelong friend? Do the same with her. There's no need to be nervous.

Be respectful. Hold the door. Tip the waiter well if they do a good job. Find something you find attractive about her and comment on it.

Ask open ended questions. This will help to spur the conversation along. Or, if she doesn't want to talk, take her somewhere where you don't have to talk so much (walking trails, a lake, the movies).

Have fun! This whole business isn't meant to make you miserable (that comes later), it's meant so you can have a good time.


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

Warwalk, your ex was a dang fool! Lol


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

Also, at some point during the evening, reach out for her hand - perhaps as you're about to cross the road or something. If she "slaps ya five", that's not good. If she holds it for a second but then lets go, that's not good either. If, on the other hand, she likes it, and *doesn't* let go, run with that for a little while. NO need to get pushy. Just enjoy it for what it is. The rest will come.


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

Thank ya handymama! =)


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Well, anymore that's the way I would be, seeing someone out at the sale, and spending the day with her there. BUT a for real, ole timey like date, id likely still be a bit noivous. Wouldn't mean id be any different than I am, just that it would be different to me, being with someone, being somewhere I havnt been in ages, doing something I havnt done in ages, ect.


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

FarmboyBill said:


> Well, anymore that's the way I would be, seeing someone out at the sale, and spending the day with her there. BUT a for real, ole timey like date, id likely still be a bit noivous. Wouldn't mean id be any different than I am, just that it would be different to me, being with someone, being somewhere I havnt been in ages, doing something I havnt done in ages, ect.


 Bill*, You can do it!, it is like riding a bike*.

From my experience, first dates with somebody that You do not Know-can become magical *. I remember all of my first dates, kisses, handholds, etc. You could be having such a good time, that You don't want the date to end!-These dates can turn into 'all-nighters'!(or all-dayers*). 

To the OP-yes, I have gone out with Ladies that I was set-up,referred to, introduced to-and it turned into long lasting Love. 
I remember some of these 'magic moments', like they were yesterday*-etched in my mind. Sitting on my tailgate, outside a nice bar/grille, on a warm summer evening-just getting to know someone, that I was going to become close with. Sharing a passionate first kiss, having chills after we parted, calling later to tell her I had a really good time, and was hoping we could do it again! These times are part of our lives*. :kiss:


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

FarmboyBill said:


> Well, anymore that's the way I would be, seeing someone out at the sale, and spending the day with her there. BUT a for real, ole timey like date, id likely still be a bit noivous. Wouldn't mean id be any different than I am, just that it would be different to me, being with someone, being somewhere I havnt been in ages, doing something I havnt done in ages, ect.


To be really honest with you Bill....dates as in dinner, movie, etc...are bunk. It's a charade. The only way to really get to know a person is to spend time with them, especially doing things you or they like or working together.

People put all this pressure on a date...look at Warwalk up there, he's got it all analyzed out about when and how to hold a hand and what it means if she does this or that or this other thing. Which is fine I guess and maybe that works...but wow that's a lot of pressure and judgement if you ask me. And I realize no one did 

I know I analyze things but man...that's too much...and highly likely whatever someone decides something means BEFORE they REALLY spend physical time with someone is going to be wrong.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I am TERRIBLY BAD about analizing what a woman has said. Likely not as bad as I was as a kid, but still, on what I consider important things, I still am.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Then theres
#1 How do I know IF she expects me to take her hand, OR if she feels creeped out by me grabbing it,
#2 How do I know how she feels about kissing her on the first date? Does she epect it, Some do, OR does she think im leaning into going much further, and that may scare her
#3 How do I know how many dates a gal thinks is right before I try to engage in sex with her. Some think few dates, others, think more.

I feel like its a responsibility for a man to know these things, but how the heck is he going to? These things I analize as to what she said that might even slightly reference to them, as to whether they truly do or its just my imagination.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Well Bill...this is probably most people's problems with dating or mate finding lol. 

Why do we (all people) put this thing on ourselves that we are "just supposed to know" stuff? And if we are "just supposed to know" it...why does everyone try to analyze and figure it out instead of just waiting until we just know? 

Quite the pickle, Bill.


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## brewswain (Dec 31, 2006)

Warwalk said:


> Be yourself.


This is the advice I get from women......then in the same breath they start telling me all the things about me that I need to change


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

But, ya see, theres a certain logic behind it.
IF a man is trying to walk on egg shells, and is trying to be what he things the woman wants him to be like, than, shes got no basis for a grounding as to what the man is really like. Theres no use trying to change a man whose trying to be something hes not, BUT, when a woman tells a man to just be himself, THEN, shes got a basis whereas she can see the real man as he is. THEN, she can conduct the inquisition to purge him of the things she dosent like about him. lol


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

It's Simple*, just try to be Yourself-at all times.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

FarmboyBill said:


> But, ya see, theres a certain logic behind it.
> IF a man is trying to walk on egg shells, and is trying to be what he things the woman wants him to be like, than, shes got no basis for a grounding as to what the man is really like. Theres no use trying to change a man whose trying to be something hes not, BUT, when a woman tells a man to just be himself, THEN, shes got a basis whereas she can see the real man as he is. THEN, she can conduct the inquisition to purge him of the things she dosent like about him. lol


Have you ever considered you've been slumming it for too long? LOL


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## lazyBum (Feb 27, 2012)

It's hard to not get nervous when you desire something and it always seems out of reach. I'm not always nervous in the beginning. Sometimes I'll be super comfortable with a woman. But, when it feels like she likes me I retract back into my shell. Something about them, when I meet them I feel like I can be myself. I'm actually pretty charming, and funny, and romantic. I get afraid that I will do something and ruin it, so I do nothing and ruin it.


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## sdnapier (Aug 13, 2010)

FarmboyBill said:


> Well, anymore that's the way I would be, seeing someone out at the sale, and spending the day with her there. BUT a for real, ole timey like date, id likely still be a bit noivous. Wouldn't mean id be any different than I am, just that it would be different to me, being with someone, being somewhere I havnt been in ages, doing something I havnt done in ages, ect.


Why can't the sale at the barn be a date? I had a good first date at an antique mall. We both liked antiques so we had a lot to talk about. 
I read some of your other posts and you crack me up with "what ifs". I never knew there could be so many things to take into consideration.
On the other hand you really seem nervous about all this. Don't worry so much. When you met the right one it will be much easier than you are anticipating.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

lazyBum said:


> It's hard to not get nervous when you desire something and it always seems out of reach. I'm not always nervous in the beginning. Sometimes I'll be super comfortable with a woman. But, when it feels like she likes me I retract back into my shell. Something about them, when I meet them I feel like I can be myself. I'm actually pretty charming, and funny, and romantic. I get afraid that I will do something and ruin it, so I do nothing and ruin it.


That is really interesting. Hmmm...have you considered doing something next time? I mean...well...I don't have to point out the obvious. But at this point, what do you have to lose? lol (sorry)

This is my new favorite smilie now :facepalm: I've been doing it a lot lately ....literally....in my own life lol I've had a bout a consistent four months of :facepalm: haha


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

As to your last LB im that away too. Maybe a lot of men are also.

One night, this woman bartender decided to fix up someone at the bar with me. I was setting at the end of a 3ft rise above the dance floor looking down on all the, er, whatever. She came and sat NEXT to me, as in inches. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know the bar keep had put her on to me. I knew if I said anything, it would be from my rural back round, and she, likely being a city girl would see I was a clod dressed sharply, and leave. So we sat like that for a long time. I got wide angle vision, so I could tell she was still there, but I knew IF I turned to look at her, Id be obligated to speak, and I just KNEW when I saw her THAT CLOSE, id make a slobbering fool out of myself, so I didn't look. Finally she got up and went back to the bar. I walked around the bar, and her a couple times, having decided Id talk to her when I got behind her. I didn't.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Well this is some good insight into the minds of men I guess.

Sorry you talk yourself out of finding out, Bill. Who knows, maybe she was just a country clod in her best and spit washed too. You'll never know now.

This brings something up I've noticed lately and that is people deciding things about people with no reason to or at least without enough information to. You realize it makes you really judgmental, yeah? 

Well probably not because you are looking at it from a point of insecurity. However, while you were there putting yourself down as not being good enough for this women you are judging her. Being afraid of rejection does that so instead you reject yourself and decide something so you don't have to find out and do all this work of applying all this analysis and pressure that you do.

But. We all do that from time to time if not always.

What would you have done if she said hello and held out her hand? Said three words and got out of dodge? You know not every conversation must end in marriage.  Nor must they even end up in friendship. We're all just people.


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## lazyBum (Feb 27, 2012)

I don't think I'm any more judgemental than the women that have rejected me. Being told very vocally that I'm too ugly and to go away. Sometimes I don't even get close enough to talk to them before they tell me to not bother them. I've had women chat me up, and when I try to ask them outn she and her friends get a good laugh at me being stupid enough to think I was good enough for her.

Some women get mad, they know I'm holding back. They feel like they are being punished for what other women have done. When I don't open up fast enough I get the insults and they leave. Do I sense that attitude and not open up, or do I create that attitude by not openning up?


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

My opinion is it may be a combination of both lazyBum.
We tend to find what we expect.
Like in the following tale.


The Two Travelers and the Farmer

North America

A traveler came upon an old farmer hoeing in his field beside the road. Eager to rest his feet, the wanderer hailed the countryman, who seemed happy enough to straighten his back and talk for a moment.
"What sort of people live in the next town?" asked the stranger.

"What were the people like where you've come from?" replied the farmer, answering the question with another question.

"They were a bad lot. Troublemakers all, and lazy too. The most selfish people in the world, and not a one of them to be trusted. I'm happy to be leaving the scoundrels."

"Is that so?" replied the old farmer. "Well, I'm afraid that you'll find the same sort in the next town.

Disappointed, the traveler trudged on his way, and the farmer returned to his work.

Some time later another stranger, coming from the same direction, hailed the farmer, and they stopped to talk. "What sort of people live in the next town?" he asked.

"What were the people like where you've come from?" replied the farmer once again.

"They were the best people in the world. Hard working, honest, and friendly. I'm sorry to be leaving them."

"Fear not," said the farmer. "You'll find the same sort in the next town."


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

lazyBum said:


> I don't think I'm any more judgemental than the women that have rejected me.


You are probably right. We all do it from time to time on different levels. Obviously you run into a lot of women that are.......can't say that word here but it starts with the letter after b.


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

lazyBum said:


> I don't think I'm any more judgemental than the women that have rejected me. Being told very vocally that I'm too ugly and to go away. Sometimes I don't even get close enough to talk to them before they tell me to not bother them. I've had women chat me up, and when I try to ask them outn she and her friends get a good laugh at me being stupid enough to think I was good enough for her.
> 
> Some women get mad, they know I'm holding back. They feel like they are being punished for what other women have done. When I don't open up fast enough I get the insults and they leave. Do I sense that attitude and not open up, or do I create that attitude by not openning up?


Those are the 'wrong kind' of Women LB- I would turn away, and not look back.


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

We should look at all new relationships as friendships first. Why do we make them into something before they are? If a friendship turns into an intimate relationship then great if it stays a friendship then great. If it doesn't then great. See it's all great!!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

IF she would have talked to me, I would have talked back. Tho I doubt if I could have looked at her long, being that close, and so much younger, and beautiful, and dressed sexy. NOW< IF I had been at the sale, and a gal in looser jeans and a looser top had talked to me, id likely be talking ALOT, and looking a lot to.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

I can tell...if there were an ST gathering...Bill would not say one word to me and probably most of us lol lol


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## hawgsquatch (May 11, 2014)

FarmboyBill said:


> As to your last LB im that away too. Maybe a lot of men are also.
> 
> One night, this woman bartender decided to fix up someone at the bar with me. I was setting at the end of a 3ft rise above the dance floor looking down on all the, er, whatever. She came and sat NEXT to me, as in inches. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know the bar keep had put her on to me. I knew if I said anything, it would be from my rural back round, and she, likely being a city girl would see I was a clod dressed sharply, and leave. So we sat like that for a long time. I got wide angle vision, so I could tell she was still there, but I knew IF I turned to look at her, Id be obligated to speak, and I just KNEW when I saw her THAT CLOSE, id make a slobbering fool out of myself, so I didn't look. Finally she got up and went back to the bar. I walked around the bar, and her a couple times, having decided Id talk to her when I got behind her. I didn't.


Some women are attracted to slobbering fools. Ask me how I know........:yuck:


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## Convoy (Dec 2, 2012)

Well if you want my opinion - Friends don't set friends up.


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## itsb (Jan 13, 2013)

Convoy said:


> Well if you want my opinion - Friends don't set friends up.[/QUO
> to answer the question.YES when I was single I had no problem with people setin me up I meet a lot of great gals,I learened early that we are all the same,a lot that I would have though were out of my reach,were just like me and enjoyed the same things I did.
> the thing to rember is the same as with everything in life,treat others as you want to be treated:buds:
> no every set up is not going to become a thing,kind of like fishin ya aint keepin everything ya catch:banana:


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## lazyBum (Feb 27, 2012)

I never asked for her number. I know I'm not going to get a good woman if I don't try. And I won't get over my issues with women if I don't interact with them more. I just don't want any more failure right now.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Rejection sucks for me too LB. It hardens your soul, makes you not want to be vulnerable, cant trust them with your heart, it can make you feel defeated, just take a break, heal yourself then try again, Just my opinion.


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

That's my problem too, can't handle any more rejection!!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I can tell, Bill would not say a word to me at a gathering, and probably most of us.

Why?? Are you all short? Fat? dumpy? droopy? with short hair?? lol

WN You think that if we were at a gathering, say out on a river bank somewhere, which was what the gatherings I and Lesley have been at/on, You all or most of you would be wearing, sexy, alluring, reveiling clothing. GET A GRIP lol. You would be wearing what felt loose, casual, and easy to move around in. I wore overhalls, if I remember right, but if not, I wore jeans and suspenders, and long sleeve shirt to the 2 I went to. Didn't have a problem talking to anybody.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Actually Bill I was thinking it would be because we are all too young for ya.
But now that you brought up a river bank. Last gathering I went to of people included a creek and several of us skinny-dipped...so yeah..possibly a little too revealing for ya.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Do you let people set you up?

No I haven't. 
No one has offered to set me up but many have said I should put myself out there.
Whatever that means!


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

FarmboyBill said:


> I can tell, Bill would not say a word to me at a gathering, and probably most of us.
> 
> Why?? *Are you all short? Fat? dumpy? droopy? with short hair?? lol*
> 
> WN You think that if we were at a gathering, say out on a river bank somewhere, which was what the gatherings I and Lesley have been at/on, You all or most of you would be wearing, sexy, alluring, reveiling clothing. GET A GRIP lol. You would be wearing what felt loose, casual, and easy to move around in. I wore overhalls, if I remember right, but if not, I wore jeans and suspenders, and long sleeve shirt to the 2 I went to. Didn't have a problem talking to anybody.


Why yes I am. What are you trying to say Bill?


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

Tambo you are not


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

The emphasis on physical appearances gets old Bill.

It is such a small part of who woman ( or men for that matter) are.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Speaking of skinny dipping. There was a time when I could have done that. Don't think I would nowadays. Doubt if id want to see it anymore either.

Tambo, I was saying, if you WERE short, deff, dum, blind, lame and crazy, I wouldn't likely want to talk to ya lol.


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

I do not skinny dip. I chunky dunk.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Heck I've asked folks to introduce me to single men! Unfortunately I am drowning in a sea of married people who all have married friends.

I figure being introduced to someone beats the heck out of trying to make a connection with a stranger. Especially since I don't get out a lot. I've even considered going back to work just so I could meet a wider circle of folks. Now that is desperate! :run:


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Chunky dunk. LOL lol


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

FarmboyBill said:


> Speaking of skinny dipping. There was a time when I could have done that. Don't think I would nowadays. Doubt if id want to see it anymore either.
> 
> Tambo, I was saying, if you WERE short, deff, dum, blind, lame and crazy, I wouldn't likely want to talk to ya lol.


Yeah sure! I know exactly what you were saying Bill!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I wonder why you women want to talk to a man anyway, Most of you can already read a mans mind anyhow lol


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

I didn't read your mind Bill, I read your post!!


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## lazyBum (Feb 27, 2012)

FarmboyBill said:


> I wonder why you women want to talk to a man anyway, Most of you can already read a mans mind anyhow lol


Reminds me of a song from my favorite band. It goes "If you could hear what I'm thinking, you'd slap the  right out of me." Lol


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

yup, like what I thought at the sale.


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