# Men and Romance



## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

We women have our own ideas about what romance is...BUT... What do you guys think about this subject? What do men think of romance? A friend of mine's husband thinks it's unimportant since they have been married 38 years...he tells me that I am shallow because I expect a little romance in a relationship.... So what gives? Is it really all that difficult for men to execute a little romance? I know there are romantic men out there...so your ideas please??


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

My husband is as romantic as a gnat. A dead gnat. It's just not in his blood. However, on those rare moments when the planets align and the mood is right, he can be romantic. Since it is such a rare event, it is very special. I'm not really into all the mushy, gushy romance stuff myself so it works out ok for the most part. (Not saying I don't complain about it to him every now and then!)

Some men are romantic, some are not. Some women are romantic, some are not.


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

I know that not ALL men or women are into romance...and not all romance is syrupy sugary kind of stuff... I think if it's overdone it gets stale and meaningless quick...but what is a man's idea of a romantic gesture... It could be a knowing glance and a smile or a drive down a country road.. Not necessarily flowers and chocolates.... So men what are your romantic notions?


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

everyone is different. my first husband was so romantic even after 40 years and in his last few hours. the others I had to check every now and then to see if they even had a pulse. ~Georgia.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

After the last three years, I'd be pleased with, "Leave those dishes hon, I'll get 'em in a minute."

But really, it's a matter of perspective. The way alot of guys see this discussion is that, talking about what is romantic with a bunch of women is a no-win situation. They're already conditioned by hearing remarks like, "My husband's as romantic as a colonoscopy!"


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## NickieL (Jun 15, 2007)

If you want to romance me.... Talk goats and hens....and throw in some dirty talk to like: compost, manure, leaf mold...

My x had no sense of romance. His idea of romance was to buy a bottle of wine for a gift (birthday usually) then drink it all himself that night since I hadn't drunk it yet.... Uh..., yeah.


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

I'm kind of an old goat,,,,,,,how's that???:icecream:


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

Yes.... I agree... That's why I am wanting to hear opinions of the men here...what "THEIR" ideas of romance involve...it could be working in the garden together...or watching a ball game together....etc...I have to wonder if men realize that romance is not anything textbook... Does today's media convince them that romantic gestures are more than they are capable of?? So they don't even try?


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

I like romance. The simple everyday life kind all the way up to the poetic kind.

Depends on the connection. Connection is romantic. Two people mutually enjoying each other's love and companionship is romantic. Helping each other is very romantic.

I will take a sweet woman who offers to help me do something over some decked out tart. I will give you chocolates or you will give me chocolates but they taste awful unless we offer to share those very same chocolates with the special person who gave them to us.

Sharing is sexy.

A good deep conversation is romantic.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

NickieL said:


> If you want to romance me.... Talk goats and hens....


errrrr ommmmm:shrug: this sounds a little kinky Nicky. hahaha


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

Thanks City Bound.... You obviously get it!! I agree 100%..


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Touching. Not sex touching, nothing wrong with it, just not what I mean. 

Like standing close, your foreheads and hands touching. Your eyes so close you're afraid they'll cross. And whispering to each other. Doesn't matter what. Maybe, "Babe, you're standing on my foot."


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## tinknal (May 21, 2004)

There is no such thing as romance. It is a poorly conceived construct designed to convey human biological urges.


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

Bringing in flowers or some little something that reminds me of Lesley, something that I want to share with her. Making an effort to do something out of the ordinary with her just because. Expressing to her my realization of all she is to me, all she brings to our relationship. Spoiling her, because I can... None of which I do often enough, tho I mean to... I know I let life tangle me up and fail to prioritize time to make her feel as special as I want her to.


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

Thanks Arctic... I was starting to think that my friend was right and that my expectations were unrealistic... I know there are good men out there...


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

AAaaahhhhh John, if that isn't the sweetest thing EVER!!!!


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

Romance is just thoughtful gestures that go beyond ordinary. Maybe picking the first flower of spring that you see (easter lillys here) tucking it in your hatband, if you have time to make it home before it wilts. Or maybe putting a note where they will find it later. There's a lot of things a guy can do.

Men need some romance as well, just to know they are appreciated. what do you ladies do?


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## Classof66 (Jul 9, 2011)

He was retired, I wasn't. He'd be waiting for me every night, watching thru the picture window. I really miss him.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

tinknal said:


> There is no such thing as romance. It is a poorly conceived construct designed to convey human biological urges.


Maybe, maybe not. At the very least if you want to say it is biological urges then it is an urge that it expressed with a very subtle and sophisticated form of communication.


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

I like to do special things for my man... First off I like to prepare his favorite foods...I like to feed him well...I like to show interest in the things that he likes so we can do things together.....I like planning special times to be together like a picnic by the creek on a spring afternoon...or a special gathering with family...or an afternoon horseback ride...and if he is tired I like to give him space and find myself other things to do...I would just want to have a good quiet life... Of coarse there's all kinds of other stuff to show him that he is loved and appreciated...


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

Fair Light*, To me- Romance is : Looking Outwardly, Together. Sharing a Mutual Delight- "In The Moment". Be it a Beautiful Sunset, Fresh Fallen Snow. Or even your favorite Cleveland sports team Winning a Game*. Euphoric, Warm, Fuzzy, Tingly, Feelings Shared* For Some Romance can reveal itself at any time, or place. It could be writing your names in the sand, at the beach. Or carving your name in a tree. Or planting flowers, and trees together. Maybe shooting pistols at the range? Or just Holding on to one another when times are tough? All I really know is I have had these feelings before, and I Yearn to feel them once more.:kissy:


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I like romance, but it is kind of like breathing life into the dead, you do it one time and then people want you to do it again and again.


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

vicker said:


> I like romance, but it is kind of like breathing life into the dead, you do it one time and then people want you to do it again and again.


Yes... But it should never become a chore...it should just flow naturally...like an intimate conversation....


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Tom, I was all dreamy and smiling reading your post and than read Cleveland who-what? And then returned to my dream state and continued reading... lol


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Fair Light said:


> Yes... But it should never become a chore...it should just flow naturally...like an intimate conversation....


I think of it more are as an eternal flame, if you keep it fed and it is meant to burn forever it will burn forever, but it need to be tended to.


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## Kiamichi Kid (Apr 9, 2009)

I am " The Fire Keeper". ...


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

I stoke fires....lol


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## Guest (Nov 14, 2013)

vicker said:


> I like romance, but it is kind of like breathing life into the dead, you do it one time and then people want you to do it again and again.


Roflol...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## NickieL (Jun 15, 2007)

I'm good with firewood


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## Guest (Nov 14, 2013)

arcticow said:


> Bringing in flowers or some little something that reminds me of Lesley, something that I want to share with her. Making an effort to do something out of the ordinary with her just because. Expressing to her my realization of all she is to me, all she brings to our relationship. Spoiling her, because I can... None of which I do often enough, tho I mean to... I know I let life tangle me up and fail to prioritize time to make her feel as special as I want her to.


 
This man is.....awesome..


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## Kiamichi Kid (Apr 9, 2009)

Fowler said:


> I stoke fires....lol


Hmmmmm


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

I just like hard wood......lol!!!


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## Kiamichi Kid (Apr 9, 2009)

NickieL said:


> I'm good with firewood


Oh really now ... tell me more :icecream:


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## Guest (Nov 14, 2013)

Y'all make me sigh & swoon... And laugh! 
Thank you.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Men are unique, and I have realized that most are romantic in their own ways. Pay attention And appreciate the suttle little things they do for you.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Getting hot in here. add more fuel.


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## 54metalman (Jul 12, 2011)

To me, romance is just a way of life, or who I am. I like to open the door for you, be it the car door or otherwise. I like to make a lunch for you and put a little note on the napkin saying I love you. Its aook over the top of my glasses at you from across the room. Getting a fire going and starting dinner before you get home. Holding hands in the store. Putting my hand on the small of your back when I walk past. Picking a flower or buying you one at the store cause I want to. No special occasion, Just cause.So many things its hard to list them. But for some reason I was told I was smuthering her and to stop it. Just a text at lunch to say hi and ask how her day was going was too much. Maybe thats why I am single again and she isnt being smuthered....


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## firestick (Oct 19, 2008)

I used to make a point to be romantic. Flowers just because. Presents for no reason. Made a point to have all those special private times,touches, looks etc.
All it got me was 28yrs of lies and everything that goes with it. Never again. Not for anybody. Ever.


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

Firestick...54Metalman... I've been there....when my personal train wreck happened my biggest question was "WHY??".... I found out that there had been 18 years of lying...,so many said I treated him too good....that when u treat a man that good they never appreciate it...I've had to consider these points....I don't know whether those things are true or not...maybe there is some truth there..and like you...I said "never again"......but now I feel differently...I've decided that my ex just "wasn't in love with me anymore and never really was to begin with"..(his words not mine)...and maybe we were too close..but I have recently decided that I will not allow my personal relationship with him leave me damaged anymore..I have come to realize that if ever there is another man in my life that I will learn to trust again in love...and that there is the possibility that I will get hurt again...and that's just a chance I have to take...I've also learned that even though my ex did not appreciate me doesn't mean another man wouldn't ...I have learned that I am responsible for the mistakes I made in the marriage but I have no responsibility for his infidelity... That is 100% his...the romance part has to be equally shared...there was never a romantic bone in his body... There was no balance there.., he knew I adored him so he didn't have to do anything romantic..,(again... his words) I had just had to accept the fact that he just wasn't the romantic type.... But after 18 years I found myself starved for his affections and nothing in the world I could do would change that...that was a tough pill to swallow....you can't do or say anything to make someone love you.... Either they do or they don't....the lesson in this for me is that I will not invest so much in a man that clearly can't muster at least a little romance...if I meet a non-romantic guy.., that's ok..he just gets put on my. "Friends Only" list and I'm going on..., but don't let a lying cheating spouse ruin you for life....there are women out there that would appreciate you.


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## lonelytree (Feb 28, 2008)

I'm romantic. Pull my finger for proof.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

I agree, Fair Light. Don't lay the past at the future's doorstep.


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## viggie (Jul 17, 2009)

littlejoe said:


> Romance is just thoughtful gestures that go beyond ordinary. Maybe picking the first flower of spring that you see (easter lillys here) tucking it in your hatband, if you have time to make it home before it wilts. Or maybe putting a note where they will find it later. There's a lot of things a guy can do.
> 
> Men need some romance as well, just to know they are appreciated. what do you ladies do?


That's the stuff. Words are meaningless. Gifts of expensive fancies aren't useful. But actions, no matter how small of a gesture, show your true intentions...that you are always thinking about them and that you care.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

lonelytree said:


> I'm romantic. Pull my finger for proof.


 
Thanks I just shot hot coffee threw my nose, LOL!!!:yuck:


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> Men need some romance as well, just to know they are appreciated. what do you ladies do?


You know what we do. ound: ound:


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## NickieL (Jun 15, 2007)

I'm with you fair light.... I treated mine far too well for someone who obviously didn't love me back..... Still to po'd about it to really date seriously yet or to trust anyone enough at this point. I gave him everything in my heart and he just drained the life out of it.... I think it's going to be a long time before I can give my heart to anyone else again... If at all.... 


Fair Light said:


> Firestick...54Metalman... I've been there....when my personal train wreck happened my biggest question was "WHY??".... I found out that there had been 18 years of lying...,so many said I treated him too good....that when u treat a man that good they never appreciate it...I've had to consider these points....I don't know whether those things are true or not...maybe there is some truth there..and like you...I said "never again"......but now I feel differently...I've decided that my ex just "wasn't in love with me anymore and never really was to begin with"..(his words not mine)...and maybe we were too close..but I have recently decided that I will not allow my personal relationship with him leave me damaged anymore..I have come to realize that if ever there is another man in my life that I will learn to trust again in love...and that there is the possibility that I will get hurt again...and that's just a chance I have to take...I've also learned that even though my ex did not appreciate me doesn't mean another man wouldn't ...I have learned that I am responsible for the mistakes I made in the marriage but I have no responsibility for his infidelity... That is 100% his...the romance part has to be equally shared...there was never a romantic bone in his body... There was no balance there.., he knew I adored him so he didn't have to do anything romantic..,(again... his words) I had just had to accept the fact that he just wasn't the romantic type.... But after 18 years I found myself starved for his affections and nothing in the world I could do would change that...that was a tough pill to swallow....you can't do or say anything to make someone love you.... Either they do or they don't....the lesson in this for me is that I will not invest so much in a man that clearly can't muster at least a little romance...if I meet a non-romantic guy.., that's ok..he just gets put on my. "Friends Only" list and I'm going on..., but don't let a lying cheating spouse ruin you for life....there are women out there that would appreciate you.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

City Bound said:


> Getting hot in here. add more fuel.


Welcome to the dog pound.:drum:


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Romance is intent. 

My idea of romance is flowers and a kiss. His idea of romance is a hug. This is *HIS* way of showing romance.

Once in a while I do get flowers, but, mostly I get hugs. As a previous poster or two has said, romance is a form of communication and I have learned to hear his form of communication.

As to me romancing him, I have learned to walk up and give him a hug also. I also learned how to make tortillas from scratch.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Fowler said:


> Welcome to the dog pound.:drum:


Woof! Woof!


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

NickieL said:


> I'm with you fair light.... I treated mine far too well for someone who obviously didn't love me back..... Still to po'd about it to really date seriously yet or to trust anyone enough at this point. I gave him everything in my heart and he just drained the life out of it.... I think it's going to be a long time before I can give my heart to anyone else again... If at all....


 
Well, you are a quality woman and it was his lose. 

You will love again, some day. True love heals all wounds and renews our spirit and our hope daily. May you find true love and may true love find you.


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

My daughter seems to always be with me when some random stranger man tries to be romantic. Two of the men are in prison. One was at the Salvation Army in Newington over the summer a rapist out of prison and the other at a gas station who just raped a woman in a public bathroom. Spookier yet I read the dude was a well groomed Bloomfield school teacher. How can a person at a gas station be a threat....because they go from where they should be at the lottery machine chatting up the young red head at the 7-11 to where you are and try to engage you in conversation throughout the store to the checkout and then stand in front of the door as if they're going to open it for you, but instead continue trying to have a conversation. I don't have the mannerism to say get the freak out of my face and push the weirdo out of the way so a customer trying to get in is a happy escape. At that point when you get to your car look in your rear view and don't go where you don't want to be followed. I wasn't followed. The Salvation Army one I was holding a clipboard to have my donations signed off on which he signed and I was thinking I guess I can start by beating him with this if he moves towards one of us as he was singing to us. Then his keeper walked in and said you're not supposed to be around people. I had her resign all the paperwork and didn't cause any trouble, but got the heck out of there. There's a lot of sociopathic freaks (AKA romantics) out there. Keep that in the back of your head.


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## lonelytree (Feb 28, 2008)

fowler said:


> thanks i just shot hot coffee threw my nose, lol!!!:yuck:


win!!!!!!


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## gilpnh1 (Nov 11, 2013)

Fowler said:


> Thanks I just shot hot coffee threw my nose, LOL!!!:yuck:


You sound like someone I'm married to


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Scary stuff doodle. Just say "Thank you, but I am not interested." if some creep bothers you. You need to speak up for yourself with people like that or otherwise you make yourself into and easy victim.

How do you know these people were rapists?

"Aka Romantics" that is a bit unfair. Is a creepy rapists stalking and harassing you in the 7-11 your idea of romance? I seriously hope not.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

I know this is going to sound bitter and jaded......but I truly don't mean for it to be like that....more of 'my opinion on the matter'......

I think Disney ruined us all.
There is this notion that we have to 'do' these things to be 'romantic'.

Just 'be'.

Be loyal
Be true
Be honest
Be constant
Be spontainious occasionally
Be reliable
Be approachable/teachable

Disney poisoned women into thinking they need to be rescued / swept off her feet / wowed and wooed / treated like a princess 24/7/365.
Disney poisoned men into thinking that if they just do all these things, women would just swoon all over them all the time....
A vicious cycle and big fat lie.
That is not real life.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

I'm glad I watched Looney Tunes instead. Just throw them off a cliff or drop an anvil on their head...


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Men; No matter how old they are, no matter how homely, all women want to be desired and appreciated.

If you want them to cook, sew, scrub, wash, iron and raise your kids you will be well advised to keep them the way you caught them. Soft words, a lot of affection, an occasional kindness to their loved ones, a bit of candy now and then. It seems awkward at first if you've grown up in a home without affection, but it is easily learned and pays huge rewards. (Sometimes more than you can handle)

I've posted this before, but the rules are simple. Convince them that you love them.
work every working day or be LOOKING for work every working day. Bring your pay home to your family, not to some bar. Be eternally faithful. Be good to her parents and relatives. If she has children when you marry her remember that when they stick their feet under your table they are YOUR kids and YOU will be responsible for the way they turn out. Do your part in keeping up the home/homestead. 

Not at all complicated---
Ox


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

gilpnh1 said:


> You sound like someone I'm married to


What goes on in Vegas stays in Vegas, Cant prove it


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

doodlemom said:


> My daughter seems to always be with me when some random stranger man tries to be romantic. Two of the men are in prison. One was at the Salvation Army in Newington over the summer a rapist out of prison and the other at a gas station who just raped a woman in a public bathroom. Spookier yet I read the dude was a well groomed Bloomfield school teacher. How can a person at a gas station be a threat....because they go from where they should be at the lottery machine chatting up the young red head at the 7-11 to where you are and try to engage you in conversation throughout the store to the checkout and then stand in front of the door as if they're going to open it for you, but instead continue trying to have a conversation. I don't have the mannerism to say get the freak out of my face and push the weirdo out of the way so a customer trying to get in is a happy escape. At that point when you get to your car look in your rear view and don't go where you don't want to be followed. I wasn't followed. The Salvation Army one I was holding a clipboard to have my donations signed off on which he signed and I was thinking I guess I can start by beating him with this if he moves towards one of us as he was singing to us. Then his keeper walked in and said you're not supposed to be around people. I had her resign all the paperwork and didn't cause any trouble, but got the heck out of there. There's a lot of sociopathic freaks (AKA romantics) out there. Keep that in the back of your head.


The paper acid being passed around is bad, I repeat.....LOL!!


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

Originally Posted by *fowler*  
_thanks i just shot hot coffee threw my nose, lol!!!







_

Just another safe way to blow out birthday candles.


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

City Bound said:


> Scary stuff doodle. Just say "Thank you, but I am not interested." if some creep bothers you. You need to speak up for yourself with people like that or otherwise you make yourself into and easy victim.
> 
> How do you know these people were rapists?
> 
> "Aka Romantics" that is a bit unfair. Is a creepy rapists stalking and harassing you in the 7-11 your idea of romance? I seriously hope not.


I read the Hartford Courant. Their pics and stories were in the paper. There's no mention of the Salvation Army where the probation violator went back to prison, but it did mention he was forbidden to be anywhere women and children were. On the sex offender web sight he has his lips sucked in and doesn't look like the pic in the paper and in the Courant you can barely see the huge lip sore, but in person it was very noticeable. When I was reading about him all I could say was Whoa....I got the peanut butter bandit's autograph, but he signed it Clark. Then the lady that works there crossed it off and signed her name on 7/22.


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

Fowler said:


> The paper acid being passed around is bad, I repeat.....LOL!!


Yeah that's how I feel when everywhere you go there's an element of danger. Think how that woman felt just going to the bathroom in a Grange hall at a fife and drum event in a peaceful quiet small town. That this man was allowed to be a teacher after charges of molesting an 18 year old to do that to another victim. Society is getting sicker and sicker both women and men. There are crazies all over the state that are known dangerous crazies dumped out of the state hospitals making their rounds creating bad memories for all they meet until they hurt someone then they're off the street a little while and back out.


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

Doodle... That's not romantic... That's down right creepy !!! Romance should only begin when a relationship is established.... Never Never from a stranger. You need to build up a little courage...there is no way in Hades I would allow anyone to block a doorway from me or my loved ones...I'm not some tough fighter except when threatened... And I consider a blocked doorway definite threat... I hate scum....


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

He suckered up a girlfriend who was with him and then left according to the article I read on the gas station dude and managed to pass for sane as a teacher. What I'm throwing out is all that glitters is not gold.


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

willow_girl said:


> You know what we do. ound: ound:


Ha Ha... Good point Willow.. There's that too .,:thumb:


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## CountryWannabe (May 31, 2004)

My DH isn't particularly demonstrative, but he shows his love in small actions. When it's cold he gets up before me and turns on the heaters, grinds my coffee beans and puts them in my press (he uses a drip maker and different bean variety). He knew I wanted a small circular flower bed in the front lawn, and he dug me one while I was out. He always washes the dishes (a chore I HATE) we have a dishwasher, but it takes so long and uses so much water... He pretends not to notice when a new critter turns up. LOL. ... and when I was a pretty hot-shot breeder and handler, he introduced himself as "Mr Mary ..." at the Nationals. Lots of brownie points for that one.

I know it doesn't sound like much - and many people are probably thinking "well, I would expect that" but I'm a pretty independent person, and tend to do everything myself. It's nice for someone to do something for you "just because"

Mary


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Note to self: Do not flirt with doodle, she will just get scared and think your an awful psycho criminal.


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

doodlemom said:


> He suckered up a girlfriend who was with him and then left according to the article I read on the gas station dude and managed to pass for sane as a teacher. What I'm throwing out is all that glitters is not gold.


I agree... There are really bad people out there...and sometimes it's a little hard to spot them... I just don't appreciate flirtations from strangers and no one blocks me from a doorway ... No one... That part just struck a nerve with me...


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> I know this is going to sound bitter and jaded......but I truly don't mean for it to be like that....more of 'my opinion on the matter'......
> 
> I think Disney ruined us all.
> There is this notion that we have to 'do' these things to be 'romantic'.
> ...


One of the best posts on this thread right there!! :thumb:


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Oxankle said:


> Men; No matter how old they are, no matter how homely, all women want to be desired and appreciated.
> 
> If you want them to cook, sew, scrub, wash, iron and raise your kids you will be well advised to keep them the way you caught them. Soft words, a lot of affection, an occasional kindness to their loved ones, a bit of candy now and then. It seems awkward at first if you've grown up in a home without affection, but it is easily learned and pays huge rewards. (Sometimes more than you can handle)
> 
> ...


Also one of the best posts on the thread as well! :thumb:


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

doodlemom said:


> Yeah that's how I feel when everywhere you go there's an element of danger. Think how that woman felt just going to the bathroom in a Grange hall at a fife and drum event in a peaceful quiet small town. That this man was allowed to be a teacher after charges of molesting an 18 year old to do that to another victim. Society is getting sicker and sicker both women and men. There are crazies all over the state that are known dangerous crazies dumped out of the state hospitals making their rounds creating bad memories for all they meet until they hurt someone then they're off the street a little while and back out.


CT is going down the toilet. Get out while you still can.


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

Fair Light said:


> I agree... There are really bad people out there...and sometimes it's a little hard to spot them... I just don't appreciate flirtations from strangers and no one blocks me from a doorway ... No one... That part just struck a nerve with me...


Yeah with DD standing next to me and the lady with the red hair at the register and people pumping gas. Somewhere in the world there's a naive person. Clean cut, articulate, polite, friendly, had the red head smiling. Some kind of foreign accent I couldn't place. It was the approaching, engaging, following and subtle blocking that gave it away. DD and I were discussing stranger danger after that and I mentioned it to my mom which I never do because I figured DD would start squabbling on about it and freak her out. I don't appreciate flirtations at all as I have no intentions of having a relationship with anybody whether I know them or not. I do listen to how romantic someone is and then a few months later how horrible that person was from others though.


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

Not that person's girlfriend. I'm talking about other peoples crash and burns. Ah the roses.


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

Laura Zone 5.... It's not just Disney..... Listen to country music...or most music... Love songs everywhere ...what woman wouldn't like those lyrics applied to her!!!!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I think Shrek and his lady have a good romance


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

see this is what I had all those years with my love. what Metalman described in his post. no wonder I still miss him. I fear I was spoiled for other men. ~Georgia.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Disney did not create romance, romance created Disney. Love songs did not create romance, romance created love songs.


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

City Bound said:


> Disney did not create romance, romance created Disney. Love songs did not create romance, romance created love songs.


By Golly... I think you are right .,,


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Those small gestures that say I was thinking about ya, your important to me I find romantic, and I enjoyed doing the same.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Fair Light said:


> Laura Zone 5.... It's not just Disney..... Listen to country music...or most music... Love songs everywhere ...what woman wouldn't like those lyrics applied to her!!!!


I totally agree with you!!
However, those movies / music, etc place unrealistic expectations on men to fulfill this 'feeling or idea' of 'romance'.
And when those expectations are not met, and those 'feelings' are not invoked, then disappointment, bitterness and discontent reign and rule.

I personally see 'romance' as a facade.....I would rather feel secure, loved and appreciated, than to feel warm and fuzzy.:happy2:


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## jwal10 (Jun 5, 2010)

I think romance is what keeps love alive, it lets love endure over time. It is little things that you do for each other, it is big things you do to mark the years of love. It is a look, a smile, a wink, a lingering look.

Love is every day, Romance is the cherry on top. 

My Sweetie had a busy day, she went 50 miles to do some banking and to see her Mother, and take her to do her twice a month shopping. Then had to drive back. She got here at 4:30. I unloaded the car while she changed into her jammies. Rubbed her neck and back and gave her a foot massage. She curled up in her favorite chair and after about 20 minutes said she forgot her slippers. I started to get up, she said "No you don't need to" I got them for her and asked if she was cold, she said no but I could tell she just didn't want to bother me but I got her the heating pad. I could tell she was tired and hurting....James


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

I agree about the unrealistic expectations...but I'm not sure I will ever be able to feel secure again... It's the security that seems like a myth to me...I was feeling very secure until he pulled the rug out from under me ...I don't think I am capable of believing in love forever and ever anymore... I guess I would always be aware in the back if my mind that no matter how wonderful it would be at the moment he could always change his mind and I would get abandoned again...


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I think most women say they want romance, when what they really want is to be charmed. Charmed is the illusion of romance. It is shinier and appears prettier than romance.
ETA Of course, there remains the, very well thought out and seemingly provable, theory that women have no idea whatsoever what they want.


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## lonelytree (Feb 28, 2008)

I still want to know why someone hasn't offered to pull my finger.

:whistlin:


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> I totally agree with you!!
> However, those movies / music, etc place unrealistic expectations on men to fulfill this 'feeling or idea' of 'romance'.
> And when those expectations are not met, and those 'feelings' are not invoked, then disappointment, bitterness and discontent reign and rule.
> 
> I personally see 'romance' as a facade.....I would rather feel secure, loved and appreciated, than to feel warm and fuzzy.:happy2:


 
My opinion is that the only unrealistic expectation the fairytales and the Hollywood romance movies created was the illusion that love and romance is easy. They never show the mundane parts of love. They never show washing the laundry, washing the dishes, washing the snotty kids that refuse to go in the tub, washing the dog that refuses to stay in the tub, and cleaning up the empty bottles of wine, washing the dishes from that romantic homemade meal, and making the bed after a night of romance and heat.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

lonelytree said:


> I still want to know why someone hasn't offered to pull my finger.
> 
> :whistlin:


I think fowler did if I am not mistaken. I think she said she was waiting to pull it while under the cover though........something about a dutch oven or something, I don't know.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Fair Light said:


> I agree about the unrealistic expectations...but I'm not sure I will ever be able to feel secure again... It's the security that seems like a myth to me...I was feeling very secure until he pulled the rug out from under me ...I don't think I am capable of believing in love forever and ever anymore... I guess I would always be aware in the back if my mind that no matter how wonderful it would be at the moment he could always change his mind and I would get abandoned again...


Maybe you need a guy who is struggling to reclaim trust in love like you. You can both work through it together. I do not think that anyone who was truly burned by another in love and who is not bitter and vengeful from it would intentionally pull the rug out from another person. Having suffered that anguish and wound any compassionate and sane human being would never want another to suffer the same way.


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## jwal10 (Jun 5, 2010)

City Bound said:


> My opinion is that the only unrealistic expectation the fairytales and the Hollywood romance movies created was the illusion that love and romance is easy. They never show the mundane parts of love. They never show washing the laundry, washing the dishes, washing the snotty kids that refuse to go in the tub, washing the dog that refuses to stay in the tub, and cleaning up the empty bottles of wine, washing the dishes from that romantic homemade meal, and making the bed after a night of romance and heat.


 
But, But, But. This is done, together, with romance. This makes round 2 even more romantic. After all it has to be done anyway, right, 2 just makes it go faster AND more fun....James


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## CountryWannabe (May 31, 2004)

I think CB nailed it. "The Media" portrays love and romance as bright, shiny images that just fall into our laps and last forever without us doing anything to feed or nurture them. In reality they are things that have to be mindfully worked on day after day. But the truth isn't very romantic, is it? Most people seem to think that if love is "real" then it should remain unchanged without any work, but even the best relationship will wither if the partners do not make a constant effort to maintain it.

Mary


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## jwal10 (Jun 5, 2010)

Romance is a spark, It could be the spark that starts the fire. 

My Sweetie was very wounded when we first met. Not by romantic love but the loss of her father. Loneliness. Our second date was to the beach, We had dinner. We stayed to watch the sunset. We talked for hours, a lot about her memories of her father. It was cooling off, I placed my jacket around her shoulders. She turned toward me at sunset, the sun behind her. I could see tears in her eyes. I felt like I could see into her soul. She reached out to hug me. I fell into her heart. Romantic is in our mind. Romance is showing it. Love is in our heart....James


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

jwal10 said:


> But, But, But. This is done, together, with romance. This makes round 2 even more romantic. After all it has to be done anyway, right, 2 just makes it go faster AND more fun....James


Yeah for people who are mature round two is fun but for immature people they are crying because they never realized that romance was not a constant stroll through a rose garden or an endless night in the bedroom.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

City Bound said:


> My opinion is that the only unrealistic expectation the fairytales and the Hollywood romance movies created was the illusion that love and romance is easy. They never show the mundane parts of love. They never show washing the laundry, washing the dishes, washing the snotty kids that refuse to go in the tub, washing the dog that refuses to stay in the tub, and cleaning up the empty bottles of wine, washing the dishes from that romantic homemade meal, and making the bed after a night of romance and heat.


I wholeheartedly agree with you CB. Also, anyone who bases their expectations on the influence of a form of media intended solely for the purpose of entertainment, is already running the race backwards. The industry wants one thing, your money. If that weren't true, they would have bought my video showing the rapid growth rate of my lawn. Slug racing anyone?


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

sustainabilly said:


> I wholeheartedly agree with you CB. Also, anyone who bases their expectations on the influence of a form of media intended solely for the purpose of entertainment, is already running the race backwards. The industry wants one thing, your money. If that weren't true, they would have bought my video showing the rapid growth rate of my lawn. Slug racing anyone?


Yeah... I was successful in keeping my daughter from watching soap operas until she was 17 or 18, though she occasionally saw them at friends houses. I was afraid she would think that soaps were how things really were!


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Daytime soaps?


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## tiffnzacsmom (Jan 26, 2006)

My guy brings me lunch at work and has done some repairs there that make my day easier. He runs my daughter back and forth to school and is friends with my friends and family. He cooks, cleans and pet sits. What's better than that?


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

well, Vicker, you a one trick pony?

Is that what you're trying to tell us?

lol!


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

City Bound said:


> I think fowler did if I am not mistaken. I think she said she was waiting to pull it while under the cover though........something about a dutch oven or something, I don't know.


Did you ever get a gal to dutch oven herself?

You can cut a silent one in bed, and say I bet I can hang a lugey off the ceiling. Start coughing one up, and point to the spot right above them. When you act like it's a done deal ready to blow, they'll pull the covers over their head. How do I know this?

A part of romance is fun and acceptance....of many things, or maybe anothers twisted perspectives? But it's shared fun! lol! It shouldn't all be roses and poems, should it?


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Well, roses and sometimes poems about dutch ovens.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Yah, Shoor! Dee Dooch ahven, yah. Ghud vun Leetle Joh, I dun eet too.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

better watch it. When I talk like that I catch hail lol


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

Twitterpated.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

sherry in Maine said:


> well, Vicker, you a one trick pony?
> 
> Is that what you're trying to tell us?
> 
> lol!


I try very hard not to tell y'all nothing. 
Me and my noodle are perfectly fine.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Fair Light said:


> I agree about the unrealistic expectations.


Media plants the 'seed' of what 'romance' is.....then it grows from there.
And it's not real. It's a rubber seed.
That makes a rubber plant!! HA HA
And it poisons the minds of the young.



> ..but I'm not sure I will ever be able to feel secure again... It's the security that seems like a myth to me...I was feeling very secure until he pulled the rug out from under me .


That sucks....a lot.
I had to switch my gears too.
My 'security' (on earth) is my job / and-or my ability to land a job anywhere, any time.
I was a fool to put my 'security' in another human being.
That was MY mistake.
One, I will not be making again......



> ..I don't think I am capable of believing in love forever and ever anymore...


I know *I* am capeable of loving forever....
So SURELY I am not the only one? 
My 'first love' happened 30+ years ago...and if he were not dead, I can tell you with all certainty that if he knocked on my door.....I'd be a puddle of goo.



> I guess I would always be aware in the back if my mind that no matter how wonderful it would be at the moment he could always change his mind and I would get abandoned again...


Yeah, that is an oober crappy feeling.
And once it has happened, it's hard to impossible to 'let it go' and throw all caution to the wind again...

My dad always said "if it's too good to be true.....well, that's because it's not true".

I don't know what's worse.....being baited and switched
or
being on 'high' alert all the time.
For now, the later reigns and rules!


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

The old movies were billed as, "Love & Romance," two separate events. These days they are mistaken for one and the same. Therein lies the problem, the source of confusion, pain and broken hearts.

Romance is magical illusions creating Feel Good physiological responses which cause females to bond with participants to the event. Males like to make females feel good, they like our response. Happy women make happy men. It doesn't mean they love us, it can be very opportunistic. It means they want us to feel good and be happy right now.

I think most men are incredibly romantic, but I was the little girl who appreciated a little boy giving me a frog and running away. Some of them grew a bit more sophisticated and read their sisters' romance novels. Just because he's capable of setting up passionate dramatics in CinemaScope doesn't mean he's capable of love or commitment. Appreciate it for what it is.

I was watching the huge volume of romance novels, I mean by the cases, coming and going from the store, who was donating and who was buying. I caught on the most romantic men I knew had sisters who read these. I told my volunteers who were lugging these cases if they wanted to get girlfriends they should read a couple of them. None of those guys left empty handed.


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## lonelytree (Feb 28, 2008)

I'm still working on an answer. I guess things are different in my world.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

I think throwing big game on my table, then spending the night cutting, wrapping and recuperating with me is incredibly romantic.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

lonelytree said:


> I'm still working on an answer. I guess things are different in my world.


I pulled your finger already and I got crop dusted, what more do you want?..lol


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Romance novels - Bah! The biggest fairy tales of them all! "Bah!", I say! "Bah!"
Give me a good old spy thriller any day of the week.

I think Laura hit the nail on the head - "magical illusions".


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

I think if you are with the right person for you, everything they do is romantic and special. Kind and thoughtful gestures go a long way and the "reward" is well worth it...


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

Two words: Background Check/ Be Cautious
Look at this guy in rural Lebanon. Single, widow, country craftsman
http://www.wfsb.com/story/23911130/father-accused-of-having-sex-with-daughters-12-year-old-friend
Scary, scary, scary...


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

I feel like I need a shower after reading that.......
How hideous.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm Makes US guys look like angels huh?


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Doodle you have a strange sense of romance. Do you really think all these diseased example you offer can be considered romance? I don't get it. I really hope not.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

doodle, Thanks for posting that, I think. Kind of creepy. 
But, that's 4 words. Just sayin'.


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## swamp man (Dec 25, 2005)

littlejoe said:


> Did you ever get a gal to dutch oven herself?
> 
> You can cut a silent one in bed, and say I bet I can hang a lugey off the ceiling. Start coughing one up, and point to the spot right above them. When you act like it's a done deal ready to blow, they'll pull the covers over their head. How do I know this?
> 
> A part of romance is fun and acceptance....of many things, or maybe anothers twisted perspectives? But it's shared fun! lol! It shouldn't all be roses and poems, should it?


Dang. That's a perfect crime.


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

doodlemom said:


> Two words: Background Check/ Be Cautious
> Look at this guy in rural Lebanon. Single, widow, country craftsman
> http://www.wfsb.com/story/23911130/father-accused-of-having-sex-with-daughters-12-year-old-friend
> Scary, scary, scary...


Background check would have probably turned up nothing, just a normal guy, unless there was a previous record. 

I think there are more good people than bad, but caution is always good. If you're always looking for scary and creepy, that's what you'll find.

EDTA: I guess because I've lived through scary and creepy, carry lifelong scars by which I am judged at times, and survived, maybe even thrived, I refuse to live in a mindset of fear. If I did, those bad people I've encountered will still be winning and I'd never reclaim my life. I will not judge all people by the behavior and evil that lives in some.

But then, I am an optimist 

~ST


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

There's no doubt people can hide a lot about their true selves behind their skills of romantic magical illusions. How many people, especially women, claim, "I've GOT to have that CHEMISTRY!"? He can be flat broke, mentally ill, have ED and crawl on his belly like a snake, but if he's good at romantic illusions, we're in because, WE'VE GOT CHEMISTRY!!!!

Even those of us who wouldn't be caught dead reading a romance novel fall for this chemical addiction. It took me more than a year to catch on the most romantic event of my life was not spontaneous magic. Hayseed knew exactly what would happen after the brewing thunderstorm, hurried to keep me from leaving by introducing his push/pull Drama and keeping me there with the Long Kiss Goodbye until the sunshine, rainbows, soaring eagles and unicorns played across the sky. 

I giggle about it now, Hayseed is a Master Romantic! It took a long time for Hayseed to trust enough to reveal those things about himself that are not Feel Good. I can live with them in our friendship. I am well bonded to him through all his Romantic Hard Work!

Some people? I do not want to know what's behind Door Number 3.

My mom had a saying I thought was crude, but she is right. Never take seriously what's poked at you in fun.

The Romance stuff is play, take it for what it is; in the moment fun. With this mindset I find I have lots of playful romantic interludes with quite a few nice men that happen in public. Slowly we reveal more serious Truths to each other. These interludes are nothing more than feel good hints of possibilities in growing friendships that may end at any moment. Perhaps one of these may grow into something more.

Yeah, I think men are incredibly romantic! I appreciate their efforts to light a spark.


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## Farmer Willy (Aug 7, 2005)

I'm no Alfred E Einstien, but I've been in love in my life, I've been romantic and I've been romanced. I wouldn't give spit for living life without either one. I'll take a stab at explaining them though. Love meant being willing to share all, or even give up all, including life itself for the other person. It didn't mean you had to, or was expected to, but it meant you was willing. Romance was the ways you showed that. From a touch, a look or a gesture. It was showing how you felt rather than just saying it---so fella's, I'd say forget the chin music and show her that you care. You aren't sure what to do? Listen and watch her, you'll learn.


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