# My GD broke my heart yesterday.



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

She comes from a dope user mama. My DD and her husband then, the mamas brother went to court and took them away, since she was always leaving them there for days to weeks on end. Well, GS has been caught doing bath salts twice, and was shipped out to Why to live with his real GM, where drugs are harder to find. His uncle, is a drunk, so I image he will be too.
GD got caught with people who had drugs in their possession, and kicked out of school for the duration of this year. She has to take a P test regulary.
Well, yesterday, I found out that shes all grown up, at 12, if you get my drift. I don't condone it, and yet, I don't know how to let her know that.
I asked X when she started she said 13. that was 3 yrs before me and here started dating. I asked what the kids did when they found out. She said, they didn't find out.
Well, GD goes to a rural school that serves 2 rural towns, with a pop of around 3000 total. X went to a school in a town that had a pop of 72000 and 5 HSs,
GD was always worried about what people thought of her, especially other girls. They were calling her the 4 letter name back then. Whats it going to be like for her now?
I loved her like I don't know what, and I just don't know how to act towards her now.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

This won't be what you want to hear but the best thing you can do at this point is love her and try to be there for her as much as you can. She's got a tough row to hoe in front of her and having someone in her corner can make all the difference.


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## viggie (Jul 17, 2009)

Good luck FBB. It's not an easy line to walk to be firm enough to steer um back to the right but kind enough to keep um near.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

I don't envy you that job, Bill. Kids do tend to break our hearts sometimes, but often they turn out well anyway.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Yeah, and they also end up debased junkies that one could hardly recognize in pics after 10yrs, stealing, and selling EVERYTHING to get their next fix.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Bill, ANYONE can make a mistake, and it's easier to make them when you're young. Let her know you're disappointed but that you still love her, and that you don't know how to act around her. Sometimes it helps when they know that we are human, too.

Mon


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## Echoesechos (Jan 22, 2010)

Don't write her off. Growing pains and all that. Peer pressure is tough. She's just starting into the tough emotional years. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a talk with her. Tell her you love her, want nothing but the best and hope she makes good choices. 

She needs you in her corner, tough times ahead. I feel for you but you have lots of years experience to help in guiding her.

Can you start spending time together on the weekends? Take her with you to the auction etc .. keep her busy so she has something to look forward too.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Nope. She lives around 60 miles away. I only go up there when there was winter storms, OR on the 2nd Wed of the month, when I get my SS Check, to play cards. The auctions 25 miles from Tulsa, THE OTHER WAY, so that would be a 170 mile trip to go get her, and take her.

BESIDEAS. ALL shes interested in is texting messages. Most times I cant talk to her cause she has the ear phones on. She gets mad when she has to take them off.


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## wr (Aug 10, 2003)

FarmboyBill said:


> Yeah, and they also end up debased junkies that one could hardly recognize in pics after 10yrs, stealing, and selling EVERYTHING to get their next fix.



Some do but most don't. Are you going to tell me you never made bad choices when you were a teen? 

I know I made a few epic mistakes along the way and I'm thankful that my parents and grandparents felt I was worthy of their love, guidance and compassion. 

Rejecting a kid because of a poor choice is a cop out, in my opinion.


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

Well take your check, skip cards and take your Granddaughter to dinner. Show her some love and let her know she's special.


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## Cornhusker (Mar 20, 2003)

Bill, when the parents don't parent, it's up to us old folks to show the kids the way


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

I'm so sorry. My heart hurts for you Bill.


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## Echoesechos (Jan 22, 2010)

Your whole post is sad. But what's the saddest is the last line. You stated that you loved her - almost sounds past tense, like now you don't. Surely I'm reading that wrong. All kids get mad when they are told to do something they aren't doing.... that's when adults should be adults and parent, teach and love. 

Good luck Bill. Try to figure how you can help her. Please don't give up.


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## vintagerodshop (Dec 15, 2012)

Bill, You stated in your original post that you don't know how to act towards your Grand Daughter. I feel the most important actions are to show her unconditional love. Do not avoid her when you see her, give her lots of hugs and affection. If you pull away and avoid her she will not understand and will try to find that feeling of male love and acceptance in negative ways that she is to young to understand. The relationship between fathers and daughters, or in this case grandfathers and granddaughters is very important and not well understood. I listened to a book on tape last year from a guy called James Dobson called Bringing up Girls. This book should be on a must read list for fathers and Grandfathers. There is so much value in being able to understand where your granddaughter is coming from and will help your relationship for the future. Good Luck


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

My problem, one of several is this. I never was around my own kids when they were that age. We Ded when they was around 10/11/12, and X moved to St Joe Mo. I tried to see them in the summer when Id go up to the folks for a week, but that only happened once. X thereafter moved around. her folks were travelers, and she was too. The went to the E coast, visiting CW sites. They were at Gettysburg when the Movie was being made. I didn't see my kids again till oldest got married, and I was invited, 2nd DD was married and Ded and back here from Ariz, and DS had graduated basic and went to Bosnia.
Having NO interaction with my kids, I havnt a clue about interaction with her.
ALSO, NOT having interaction with my kids, my views on hating liars, theves, drunks, and dopers, was never put to a test by the actions of my kids. I STILL have those views, and see no harm in having them.
That's what has me so conflicted. I believe one thing fiercly, and yet, ive been bounced up to the realization that some if not all those vices are in my family. NOT ONLY THAT, but neatly wrapped up in one person who, by law, im not related to.
She was afraid of me for a year. I don't know if that had anything to do with other men in her life. I tried to make her see and feel that I was safe, and truly loved her.
Now, I feel that she only realized that I was just another tool to be worked for her own good, as has been my experience with most others of the same species.
IF I knew how she really felt about me, it would go along way towards causing me to see my way ahead with her. BUT< Theres no way to do that.
I taught her how to play pitch, as lots of times we would need a 4th or 6th or at least once an 8th player. She hates it. It takes time away from her looking at her tiny TV and texting. Yet, in the depths of a winter storm, she wanted to go to the place I think was the place where she got her recent higher education from. I got bundled up and took her. When she got done and called to come home, I got bundled up again and went and got her. YET, when I asked her to play cards with us, in which were always laughing, and making jokes, and having a wonderful time, she whined that she didn't want to do it, and hated the game. I finally got tired of that, and reminded her of dragging my carcass out in the depths of winter to both take her, and bring her home without a bit of whining, she sullied up to the table, but had to let us all know that she hated doing it.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

She's a *KID* Bill! They DO things like that! They pout!

But I see she's already been tried, sentenced, and found guilty because she's a female.


mon


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## Guest (Mar 19, 2014)

It's a shame that the focus is on your feelings and not hers...your needs and not hers...:flame:


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## Bologna Budget (Feb 13, 2014)

You need to have a heart to heart with her and tell her how you feel about this road she is headed down. The decision is now hers if she continues to follow it. Don't allow her to use you for her ill gain and don't bail her out of trouble more than once and not even then if she is not remorseful. People that constantly bail their kids out of trouble are part of that kids problem, not part of the solution. It will be hard, but if she truly loves you, she will not want to hurt you. If you draw a hard line in the sand and stand firm, she will respect you. It may be down the road or maybe after your passing but it will happen. Let her know that she matters.


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## viggie (Jul 17, 2009)

It's ok to hate things that are bad and not support those things in your loved ones lives. But that's not all they are. Love and support the good things in them and encourage them to grow as a person. She is still family and has great potential that she needs your influence to achieve. It sounds like she really needs a good example.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

bostonlesley said:


> It's a shame that the focus is on your feelings and not hers...your needs and not hers...:flame:


Amen! FBB, it isn't about YOU! She is still a child. A child who acts like a child. So quit focusing on YOU and your feelings and needs and focus on just loving her even when she isn't lovable.


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## wr (Aug 10, 2003)

She's a kid. How she feels about any adult varies hourly but how she feels about you long term totally depends on how much effort you make in getting to know her. 

You don't know that she's a liar, thief, doper or anything else so stop acting like she is and that starts with refraining from suggesting such on the internet. 

You say she's broken your heart but what about hers? Sixty miles is too far to drive and it cuts into your card playing time. Think how that makes her feel! You're quick to judge her but claim to be a Christian. If you were judged as harshly, would you pass scrutiny?

You have been offered some great advice but if you want to just bash a young girl, I suggest you ask to have this thread deleted because it isn't fair or right to speak about private matters so publicly.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

wr, u said in another post if I didn't do foolish things at that age. Would you tell me what FOOLISH THINGS are/were for a kid 10 to 20yrs old back in the 50s/60s who was stuck on the farm by themselves in the summertime.

YES I did do a couple things. I accidently fired a shotgun through a chair, my winter coat that was on the chair making 7 holes in it which mom patched and made me wear, and a gas stove that didn't blow up.
Yes, one of us set the closet afire, and we drub the burned clothes down to the ditch which set the ditch and some ground around it on fire. We came up and painted the closet. Didn't work. Dad said, at least one thing to the good, it got moms fat shorts. My DD and X has caught her in lies, and I told you that she had been kidced out of school for being in a croud that had drugs. I asked her if she had used them, she said yes. Appairantly just a small bit, but it got her kicked out of school for the duration. I forgave her that. I sniffed gasoline when I was a kid. Did it till dad got off work and came home to cultivate or something, and I couldn't hardly walk. Quit doing it after that.
When were playing cards, its always on a fri as my boy usually has to work Sat, or hes got something he wants to do, or someplace to go. I get there usually in the afternoons Thurs, so as to spend time, sleep over and spend all day Fri. As I said, all she wants to do is listen/look/type into her tvbox. She has her earphones on and she cant hear a word people say in the room. IF someone makes her take them off, she gets mad.
Shrek told me that a posting cant be deleated. It has to run its course. Jay, Terri, If it can be deleated, please do so. I got my rant out. lol.


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## wr (Aug 10, 2003)

Ultimately, you really have no interest in a relationship with the girl and since it sounds like you have had little interest in her for a while so I'm wondering how someone you barely know can upset you.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

I am glad you got your rant out! As a Mom I can tell you that ranting here is safe, while ranting in front of a kid will bite you in the but.

Kids whine and pout: it is not a lovely trait but they all do it at least some of the time. They also tend to be self-centered, all of them! That is one reason we all praise them for any selfless act: being selfless in even a small way is hard for a kid. That is the nature of childhood. Your grandaughter is being childish in many ways, but that is normal for her age. I get tired of it-we all do- but that is how kids often behave!

For what it is worth, it sounds like you are being a wonderful grandfather! The job of a grandparent is mostly to love and to show a good example in your own life: the main job of guiding is up to the parents but every kid can benefit from the affection they get from a grandparent. That goes double if their parent has chewed them out lately. 

You are doing FINE, FBB. Just love her, the hard stuff is what the parents are doing. 

I only saw my grandfather about once a month, but the warmth I got from him has stayed with me for a lifetime. My parents demanded this and that and it was their job to do so, but Grampa simply CARED, without the demands my parents gave that I clean my room/ study more/ get better grades/ take care of younger siblings/ set the table/ etc, and that was enough.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Heck, nobody makes a person angrier than their loved ones, and everyone needs to blow off steam at times!


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## Echoesechos (Jan 22, 2010)

I'm soooo glad my folks didn't lose hope on me in my teen years. I was a brat, but came out ok.... Have hope Bill, and as I said before, don't abandon her. She's at the age when a little effort can make a huge change. I agree totally with Viggie, you can hate their actions, but them.... ?

Even if you didn't invest much in your kids when they were young, why can't you now? No reason to keep traveling that road. You are aware of your failings with them, change and make up for it now.. It's not their fault, it's everyone's who wash their hands of it.


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## Brighton (Apr 14, 2013)

Ardie/WI said:


> Amen! FBB, it isn't about YOU! She is still a child. A child who acts like a child. So quit focusing on YOU and your feelings and needs and focus on just loving her even when she isn't lovable.


She is not a child is she is doing what I think she is doing.

FBB, stop blaming all your X's for how bad their kids and grandkids are, you had a hand in it too, a BIG hand, you chose those women to marry, you chose to have marital relations without birth control and then you let them take YOUR kids half way around the country so that they never knew you. It could have been so different, and yet, you are still placing the blame on everyone but YOU!


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Bill, the one most important thing ANY grandparent can do is listen....she needs someone to listen, and let her know she is loved. Sounds like she is more invested in what others think of her, not what she thinks of herself.

I understand your feeling of loss, and like the floor has just fallen out from under your feet. She's only 12, she's got a ways to go before she's an adult. YOU can make a difference in her life...just listen.

Mon


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Terri, I think ranting in front of THESE kids have bit my but lol

U talk of me listening/ 
#1 She hates to take her earphones off so she can hear what someones saying, OR Talk
#2 Shes got a FAST paced jabber. I just like to her jabber on, FOR AWHILE. I cant understand her for the most part. She cant/wont slow down, and I cant hear her.


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## Brighton (Apr 14, 2013)

FarmboyBill said:


> Terri, I think ranting in front of THESE kids have bit my but lol
> 
> U talk of me listening/
> #1 She hates to take her earphones off so she can hear what someones saying, OR Talk
> #2 Shes got a FAST paced jabber. I just like to her jabber on, FOR AWHILE. I cant understand her for the most part. She cant/wont slow down, and I cant hear her.


The go to the doctor and get some danged hearing aids!!


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## Guest (Mar 20, 2014)

Instead of playing cards, why not call her and ask her out to dinner..just the two of you..show her how much you love her by making her the center of your attention...


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

Hearing aids can cost a fortune, if you're not careful! I've been wearing 'em for most of my life, and I'm happy to tell you that I have finally found a good company that sells top quality hearing aids for less than $200. (That's almost two THOUSAND dollars cheaper than the average good ones Out There.)

http://www.mdhearingaid.com/ is where I bought them. I will buy from them again and again (*singing praises*)!

I got a local hearing aid dispenser to make a soft custom earmold for less than $30. (The generic ones that come with the MD hearing aid works, but I wanted a better fit.)

Teenagers can be more ornery and trickier to handle than than a bull. It's mostly the mass of confused hormones thing going on... They sometimes require just as much skill in handling as you would a bull, too.

Bill, I know it is hard not to take her "not-so-sweet-anymore" personality changes in a personal way, but do take into account that she is the same kid you've loved all along. Only the package is changing, and she is not comfortable in this new &#8220;skin&#8221;, at all! She must also be hurting, on so many levels because contented children do NOT act this way. 

If you approached an injured kitten or a puppy that was hit by a car, and tried to help it, you can expect to get bitten! All it can see, hear or feel is pain. It may lash out at anyone that tries to get near it. Not because it hates the rescuer, but because it hates the pain. Same thing with your lil' granddaughter, Bill... 

I can tell you that it will go a long way with her if you told her that you miss being able to hear her, and that you are considering getting hearing aids so that you can hear her better. 

.


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## swamp man (Dec 25, 2005)

Poor l'il YOU.
I'm tired of ignorant old men here who want to jump up and down, and scream "Be like me!". 
Maybe she don't like playing cards, Bill. Did you ever consider the fact that not everyone enjoys YOUR hobbies? The cellphone thing is just a product of the times. You've made us aware that you don't like anything modern, but these are the times she was born into. You are being selfish.


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## Guest (Mar 20, 2014)

It's OK to love somebody from a distance. Everybody can't be buddies, too many years between, to little in common, and no motivation for either party to give in.


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## Guest (Mar 20, 2014)

zong said:


> It's OK to love somebody from a distance. Everybody can't be buddies, too many years between, to little in common, and no motivation for either party to give in.


IMHO, you have to actually have a conversation between the two people in order to determine the "lack of motivation".

.i.e "I love you. Wish we lived closer so that we could spend some good time together."

"Nah...don't bother."

or it could be..

"yes. That would be great!"


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## Guest (Mar 20, 2014)

I was under the impression that Bill and his granddaughter had some conversations. I may have misunderstood, I get lost in all the abbreviations and back-tracking in the OP.


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

I raised my kids on my own and spent every waking moment with them. What ever they wanted to do is what we did, it kept me young and hip. Go cart tracks are always fun, you could also go get matching piercings ? Water parks kick butt ? I loved laser tag, I was bigger than all the other kids and usually was on the winning team. Get a raft float down the river, heck, have tractor races with her. We raced the mopeds against their go cart all the time. Take her to some live music of her choice, thats always fun. We flew to Las Vegas to see Blink 182 and had an awesome time. Sporting events can also be a blast.

My Granddaughter turns 10 in a few days, I'm taking her to the Olive Garden because she's just crazy for Italian food. I just made about 3 gallons of spaghetti sauce and have been eating spaghetti for 4-5 days.


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## starjj (May 2, 2005)

Not so easy to stand on the soapbox and preach about drug use and such when it hits close to home or I should say it shouldn't be. Yet Bill manages to make this about his disappointments, his excuses for not being a hands on dad, his finger pointing about his ex. His disappointment that a teenager doesn't want to play cards with adults until he guilts her into it. WHY am I NOT surprised. 

People make mistakes Bill even in your very own family. Are they less than perfect you bet. Does that make you love them less, well only if your a true horse's butt.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

A gentle reminder: the guidelines of HT is "Homesteading Today asks that all participants do their best to follow one simple rule: Be nice. Being nice means being civil, polite, disagreeing in a civil manner, not calling names, and using tact when stating your opinion."

Quite frankly, there is no person on ST that has not made any mistakes, and most of us has made some large ones. I know that I have done so. 

FBB has made his share of mistakes, yes, but that just means that he is as human as the rest of us. Right now he is deeply concerned about his granddaughter, which is fair enough: it is very common for a poster to come here to blow off steam! 

Even a person who is not perfect can worry about their relatives. And, I would rather FBB blow off steam here, where he is semi-anonymous, than to people who know him in real life.


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## Brighton (Apr 14, 2013)

Terri said:


> And, I would rather FBB blow off steam here, where he is semi-anonymous, than to people who know him in real life.


Semi-anonymous, that is funny!!

And unless I am confused, he was saying his 12 year old Granddaughter had sex, which is a tad bit early for most girls, I just hope one of her close relatives or an older friend taught her about birth control!!


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## notwyse (Feb 16, 2014)

Just remember that tomorrow the sun will come up. It is all about the future. Hers and yours. Teenagers are not supposed to be cute and cuddly. We would never except their leaving home if they didn't test their wings. She sounds a bit feisty. Remember it is a tough world and that will come in handy. You love her or you wouldn't worry about it. She likes to text? Text her a message. Sometimes written is better than spoken. Good luck. Amazing how we all struggle in our own little lives.


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

Terri said:


> A gentle reminder: the guidelines of HT is "Homesteading Today asks that all participants do their best to follow one simple rule: Be nice. Being nice means being civil, polite, disagreeing in a civil manner, not calling names, and using tact when stating your opinion."
> 
> Quite frankly, there is no person on ST that has not made any mistakes, and most of us has made some large ones. I know that I have done so.
> 
> ...


If you call someone a name, you get 4 points.... How many points until some kind of sanction is applied ?


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## Guest (Mar 21, 2014)

Terri said:


> A gentle reminder: the guidelines of HT is "Homesteading Today asks that all participants do their best to follow one simple rule: Be nice. Being nice means being civil, polite, disagreeing in a civil manner, not calling names, and using tact when stating your opinion."
> 
> Quite frankly, there is no person on ST that has not made any mistakes, and most of us has made some large ones. I know that I have done so.
> 
> ...


any rules about being patronizing? We all have our own opinions, or are we not permitted to state them unless they agree with yours? You might "rather FBB blow off steam here"..others ( such as myself) found his remarks to be so far off base that to ignore them would mean tacit agreement. "Be nice" doesn't mean join hands and all sing together, "poor FBB".."Be nice" for me, means to refrain from stating emphatically what I REALLY think...


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## wr (Aug 10, 2003)

We all know people on HT who have over shared information publicly and it has caused serious harm or damage in real life. It is concerning to me that Bills comments on a thread like this could cause this girl much harm or personal upset. His opinion is out there for the whole world to see, not just a couple buddies.


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## Guest (Mar 21, 2014)

oneraddad said:


> If you call someone a name, you get 4 points.... How many points until some kind of sanction is applied ?


With years of experience in this field, I'd say 12 is the danger zone. You can get your posts monitored in that you post, a moderator has to approve the post before it shows up, which can take anywhere from 30 minutes to 16 hours. A PITA. They used to ban your IP, so you wouldn't actually be banned, but still couldn't log in. Not sure if their cookie tracks your MAC address, but with the increased popularity of anonymous web surfing, banning IP's would be ineffective. 

If you whine "everyone hates me, nobody loves me, I'm gonna go out and eat worms" to some of the moderators, you can get a break. There is no such thing as perfectly "fair" moderation, but this place is closer than most I've been to. 

A whole lot of people get banned, then come back with a different username, including at least one in this thread. Some sort of OCD thing makes me see posts as a picture, and I recognize patterns of spacing, punctuation, spelling, phrases, etc. A near eidetic memory puts them together with posts from the past. I drink to forget. Sadly, sometimes I forget to drink, instead.

One last thing, you don't always have to actually do something to get an infraction. Sometimes, if you "knew he would respond poorly" and post something that causes someone to go off their rocker, it's cause for infraction, as baiting somebody who can't help themselves. So, your fault for somebody else's post. 

I learned how to navigate the weird world of infractions here, only to get infractions for knowing how to avoid infractions. Posting anything from a PM is supposed to be a banning offense. If somebody flags one of your posts and says "he's making a remark that is insulting" mods check it out. If you get reported enough, the chances of your getting points goes up exponentially. 

It would be good if everybody was to act grown up and quit being a bunch of 3rd grade tattle-tales. Ain't gonna happen. Way too many emotionally underdeveloped people to carry on conversations with no boundaries, or no whining either one. 

This subforum gives people a little more slack than some of the others. One subforum, at the top of the page, if filled with extremely biased and argumentative people that attack as a gang. There is a heavy undertone of religion-based intolerance. I've not been to general chat and politics in years, but they were filled with genuine looney-tunes last time I saw.


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

Thank you Zong


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Zong, I often wondered if other members recognized posters who had another name at one time. I spot them and watch them too. If they become troublesome to me, I put them in "Ignore".


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## ayleeann (Nov 3, 2003)

Start a conversation the way she relates best-- TEXT her.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

IF I did, she couldnt read it.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

My daughter talked, (either texting or speaking), without stopping to breath or eat or sleep, from age 11 to age 16. 

It is a stage most teen girls seem to go through. If you are lucky it only lasts for a year or two, and then they actually hear the answer to the answer instead of saying something like "Oh, I forgot to listen"!


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

The best thing you can do for this girl is to see that she's on some form of long-term BIRTH CONTROL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unless, of course, you want to be a _great_-grandpa really soon ... :hammer:


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I hear ya WG. Im asking DD whenever were on the phone about it

We had a long talk about it, her and I. She stated her reasons, such as they were, and I accepted them. Then I tried to tell her what guys were like, what they wanted, what they expected, what they would be willing to live without, if the love and attention was there.
I tried to explain to her that she wont be out of school for over 5yrs, and I guaranteed that the (Love of her life) wouldnt be the current one by then.
I explained how valuable she was, both on the exterior, and the interior.

I told her that, if I were a girl and was built like her, I would look for the right boy to be looking at me as he passed in the hall. After trying to find out as much about him as I could, and if it was mostly good, I would hit him up somewhere at school no one could readly hear. I would say that I had noticed him noticeing me, and had got to where Id like to kinda know about him also. I would say that, if he cared to try it, id like to try going with him. If he would/could treat me with love, and care and like to hang with me, I would do the same with him. Id say, I know youd like me to walk with you around school, and id be glad to do that. We could learn about each other, become friends, and hopfully something closer in time. BUT, IF he EVERY treated me wrong, got caught with some other girl, and embarrised me, Id drop him like a hot rock, and say, ( As you can see, I can get another guy in 2 weeks time, and you can walk past us while I decorate his arm, and hes casting quick glances down my top, and watching the other guys envy as we walk by. Choice is yours, let me know something, then Id walk off.
I told her that guys value a girl with moxie, a girl thats calm, cool and collected. They dont admire a [email protected]#$

Well see what happens


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## Echoesechos (Jan 22, 2010)

FarmboyBill said:


> IF I did, she couldnt read it.


Why couldn't see? She reads other texts. Why can't you type so she can if that's the case. I've seen you do it so shy not to her. Baby steps and keep it up. Maybe start with age appropriate jokes or stories or maybe tell her quick things about her family or ancestors. Draw her in and give her something to hold close. You might not think she's listening but she is.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I can do yes and no, I cant do full sentences. Dont try to tell me that typing on this and correcting mistakes is as easy as on those texting machines. I know better. IF I hadnt taken 2 yrs typing in HS, I couldnt type on here worth a dang.


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

Don't quit. She will love you for it...someday.


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## Brighton (Apr 14, 2013)

FarmboyBill said:


> BUT, IF he EVERY treated me wrong, got caught with some other girl, and embarrised me, Id drop him like a hot rock, and say, ( As you can see, I can get another guy in 2 weeks time, and you can walk past us while I decorate his arm, and hes casting quick glances down my top, and watching the other guys envy as we walk by.


Maybe next time you could try to teach her that woman/girls are not decorations, and they have a brain, and that her school studies will take her farther than an man will.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

yup, I think so too. 10yrs after im gone lol


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

See OP
(I explained to her how valuable she was on the outside as well as on the inside)

Better not BE a next time.

Its been said, u cant blame one for doing something that offended another IF they didn't know that what they did would offend them.
Its up to the offended to explain their position so that the offender realizes what they did was wrong in others sight.
Its up to, then, the offender NOT to do it again.


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## Echoesechos (Jan 22, 2010)

You're right it isn't easy for all but doable. You might check with cell carrier to see if it has a free web based texting using your computer. I have US CELLULAR and it does. So you can type your message using your computer and send it to her cell phone. Might work pretty slick. I think you can do a Google search or on their web page to see. Just thought of that tonight.


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## wr (Aug 10, 2003)

FarmboyBill said:


> See OP
> (I explained to her how valuable she was on the outside as well as on the inside)
> 
> Better not BE a next time.
> ...



I hope she gets things sorted out but don't be overly surprised if she doesn't completely change or change at all. Kids that age don't often think long term and their decisions are often made as situations arise.


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## grandma12703 (Jan 13, 2011)

FBB, Can you tell me how you know that this girl has done all of these things? Did she tell you or did X tell you or someone else? The reason I ask is that with my work as a CASA I usually get very curious when I walk in a door and all of a sudden the kid did this and this and this and this and on and on. 

I feel for you not being able to be more involved over the years but you really probably don't know what all this child (and she is a child) has been through in her lifetime. Most kids who show these behaviors had some pretty bad things happen to them. A lot of what you said are not normal .... teens acting out things. Some are and some are not.

I was one of those acting out teens. MY SF told horrible stories about me so that when I got brave enough to tell my story people would not believe me. Hence, this is why I chose to volunteer as a voice for children. 

Be patient and try to put what you have "heard" away. Look at her like a normal teenage granddaughter. Don't judge and don't lecture. Like someone said take her to dinner...choose the right times to inject needed advice without seeming pushy. There are so many openings for parents and grandparents to do that. 

Sometimes you think they are not listening but then later something you said comes back up and it is an aha moment...they did hear me! 

I have grown up without my father (KIA in Vietnam). Something I always longed for as a teenager and now is that I would have had that someone that was always in my corner...good, bad, and ugly. That someone that would stand up for me no matter what....yet tell me I was wrong, ground me, take away something that mattered ie: today a cell phone. I know you can not be the disciplinarian but you can be the one that is in her corner. 

This is all just an opinion and I feel for both of you.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> Better not BE a next time.


The odds are overwhelmingly in favor of a "next time."

Here is a study examining sexual behavior in high school students. Fewer than 8 percent of sexually experienced youth reported that they had decided to be abstinent going forward. http://www.jahonline.org/article/S1054-139X(03)00269-6/abstract

Another study, this time of college-age respondents, found that 12.5 percent were practicing secondary abstinence. http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-007-9214-z

GET HER ON BIRTH CONTROL!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Grandma, I TOTALLY did NOT judge, or lecture. I rambled on, trying to touch bases with all that was pertenant that I remembered on the subject. I talked about what wound up boys were like, best I remembered them. 
She told me she did the deed. I could have asked her a few questions that would have guaranteed that I knew whether she did or didn't. I just was so scrambling my thoughts for the ongoing discussion, that I later thought of many things I chould/should have talked about to confirm it. I didn't.
Thanks WG for your rosy outlook for a rosy future LOL.


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## grandma12703 (Jan 13, 2011)

FarmboyBill said:


> Grandma, I TOTALLY did NOT judge, or lecture. I rambled on, trying to touch bases with all that was pertenant that I remembered on the subject. I talked about what wound up boys were like, best I remembered them.
> She told me she did the deed. I could have asked her a few questions that would have guaranteed that I knew whether she did or didn't. I just was so scrambling my thoughts for the ongoing discussion, that I later thought of many things I chould/should have talked about to confirm it. I didn't.
> Thanks WG for your rosy outlook for a rosy future LOL.



I hope you did not take my comment as saying you HAD done anything. I was just hoping to give a few ideas. If she told you that then I would say she might be reaching out to you. You are doing good. I know you won't quit on her.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

No granny, I didn't take your post wrong.

And yes, there will come a time, if she chooses to take us there that I will quit on her.


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