# real men step forward (& this is not the way)



## BamaSuzy (May 10, 2002)

Been widowed now going on 14 months & boy do I have stories for my next book. I have not gone on any dates and may not if this keeps up!

Here's one example. Have a wonderful friend that I have a "history" with from long ago. He is adorable. Headed up a big organization in our county for years. Spent two hours sitting in my little general store with me couple of Saturdays ago giving me all the reasons I NEED to at least go out with him....almost had me convinced....(been months of phone calls)...
But then daughter hollered that the man was here with the big firewood delivery! We walked to carport. Man needed help unloading wood. Friend SUDDENLY remembered he had to meet his male friend at the river....
Check him off the list....
Then there are other men: they walk up on the porch of my little store, and begin by saying "that house is toooo big for you" or "your chickens laid on the ground over there. you need to have them corralled better" OR "why did you paint the screen door THAT color..." or on and on and on and on....
Then there was the guy who brought me a birthday present: a gift certificate for a pedicure AND a manicure! sounded nice BUT I have terrible allergies and can't even walk into a beauty parlor AND if you see me you'd know a manicure and pedicure are not my things....I'm feminine but I'm NOT a girly girl....
Someone there is a man who will accept me for WHO I AM, NOT CRITICIZE, NOT TRY TO REMAKE ME, AND NOT BE AFRAID OF HARD WORK!!!!! If somebody can't work beside me, they're not going to do ANYTHING else with me!
I may be alone for the rest of my life but I WILL NOT COMPROMISE on these issues! (plus no smoking or drinking, I've been there done that and then cared for him as he lay dying gasping for air and wanting yet another cigarette! and he hadn't drank in 20 years but it had eaten his insides out!)
So there's my rant for this sunday morning!
When you guys wonder why you are still alone....maybe some of these thoughts will help you! I don't ask for much! just a hard working, good loving, good ole country guy!!!


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

You're smarter than many. You obviously know what you want and don't want. Better off not compromising than get stuck with a constant source of irritation.


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

Bama about the man that gave you a gift certificate for a mani/pedi--it probably wasn't that he wanted to "remake" you. He probably thought you'd like to have someone pamper you for a change and thought that would be a nice indulgence for you. You know, you don't have to have the fancy color or designs. Just get clear polish but _enjoy _someone massaging your hands and feet. After working so hard, that sure does feel good and sounds like you deserve that.


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## Grumpy old man (Aug 6, 2013)

Men have the same problems , Women who want to be pampered ,Act as tho shopping at the mall is their job ! refuse to help with anything , etc etc etc .I had to move to find what I was looking for .FOUND IT ! and we're like peas and carrots but it took me many years and broken hearts to get here ! Everyone always thinks the grass is greener on the other side till they get there and find out it's CRABGRASS !


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## fordy (Sep 13, 2003)

...................The onset of age slowly removes our ability to physically accomplish the various tasks that a homesteading lifestyle requires ! For a man , at some point in their aging process , they become less motivated to tackle all those jobs you referred to previously . Maybe this is the normal transition from hard work too the rocking chair . 
...................As far as helping the firewood delivery person , My attitude is , IF , he is in the business of selling a product , he , should be able to handle the delivery without assistance because most folks won't necessarily be home when he makes a delivery . Although I've unload and stacked many a cord with a friend when necessary . 
...................I think it's great you have established your "Red" line for choosing a life partner , but , many will not measure up to that standard ! , fordy


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Tommyice said:


> Bama about the man that gave you a gift certificate for a mani/pedi--it probably wasn't that he wanted to "remake" you. He probably thought you'd like to have someone pamper you for a change and thought that would be a nice indulgence for you. You know, you don't have to have the fancy color or designs. Just get clear polish but _enjoy _someone massaging your hands and feet. After working so hard, that sure does feel good and sounds like you deserve that.


I agree! The man didn't know, probably, about your allergies and thought that you might like a bit of pampering. A simple "thank you" was enough

Now...when my second marriage went to heck, I made up my mind not to settle for exactly what I wanted/needed for a spouse. I literally had a list and I also "interviewed" dates before we got too involved.


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## BamaSuzy (May 10, 2002)

My point about the man with the gift certificate was that he was trying too much too soon without even getting to know me....here a $50 gift certificate is a LOT of money....& I can't even use regular fingernail polish because of my allergies....And I did thank him profusely but daughter-in-law got the benefit of the gift certificate.
And I know men's energy wanes as they get older (at least some men) because I'm sure not as full of energy as I used to be BUT there is a difference between lowered energy and just not caring OR just being plain old lazy!
As for the firewood, the man delivering it brought a huge load especially split for me and since he works alone, we always help unload it.
And as for loosing energy, health, etc. IF YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF and live a healthful life, a lot of times that makes the difference on whether you have energy or not....Look at Jackie Clay and her new husband....they are both I think in their late 60.s!
If ever date again, or if by chance I ever get married again I want a PARTNER, not somebody who gives me orders, or criticizes everything I do....


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

a good looking widow woman thats a store owner....hmm....sounds like the buzzards are circling.


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## TNHermit (Jul 14, 2005)

I think i will hold off till i can find someone who wants to cooperate and plan and work together. I have had three that told me how they wanted it to be.

Most women say they want strong men (not the arrogant pushy self indulgent type)but they really want them submissive with gurantees. They want fun and no problems. But how many are ready to dig in and do what it takes to make it work. The way things and people change day to day I am pretty much at the point that two people who are attracted with the right mindset can make it work if they want to.


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## VannFe (Sep 14, 2013)

BamaSuzy said:


> Someone there is a man who will accept me for WHO I AM, NOT CRITICIZE, NOT TRY TO REMAKE ME, AND NOT BE AFRAID OF HARD WORK!!!!! If somebody can't work beside me, they're not going to do ANYTHING else with me!
> I may be alone for the rest of my life but I WILL NOT COMPROMISE on these issues! (plus no smoking or drinking, I've been there done that and then cared for him as he lay dying gasping for air and wanting yet another cigarette! and he hadn't drank in 20 years but it had eaten his insides out!)
> So there's my rant for this sunday morning!
> When you guys wonder why you are still alone....maybe some of these thoughts will help you! I don't ask for much! just a hard working, good loving, good ole country guy!!!


I completely agree! This is exactly why I remain single. If I found the right guy, with the right blend of chemistry and friendship, that wasn't lazy, I'd be interested. But other than that, they're a waste of time. If they can't at least keep up with me, no thanks. And I'd regift the certificate. As a special thank you to someone else. And when you get unexpected, off the wall gifts like that, don't you question what they want in return? Folks now a days don't give to often without expecting something..


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## BamaSuzy (May 10, 2002)

yep the buzzards were circling the week AFTER my husband died....I had a couple of guys hobble up on the porch of my little store (one was in his 80's!!!) and start flirting with me the next week! I learned really quickly when they started talking about my farm that if I said something to the effect of "yep, I don't know how I'm going to make those big farm payments now that he's gone" they suddenly got in a hurry to leave! 

And I do own a little store here on the farm BUT I am not a good looking youngster any more! My hair is now pretty much gray (I refer to it as 'possum colored!) and I'm carrying about about 50 lbs extra that I gained during the last few years of caring for husband---doctor says it is stress weight gain so I'm working now on getting that back off for my health!

I forgot to add to my list that if somebody EVER LIES to me they are immediately on my bad list. I can't stand ANYTHING worse than somebody lying to me!

and I agree, if they can't keep up with me, they aren't worth messing with


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Most men I am interested in have a hard time believing it and try to talk me out of it. Opposite of what is in here..but at the same time it seems to be reactions out of insecurity.


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## wr (Aug 10, 2003)

I dislike how these threads always end up bashing entire genders. All men are not lazy louts and all women are not born to shop. Certainly there are lazy people of both genders but I just can wrap my head around them all being that way. 

Perhaps the man left when the firewood delivery showed up because he thought that you were conducting business (which I consider to be a private matter and I'm female) or he felt that the delivery man would unload and it might not be a good time to visit. It's easy to assume the worst in people but I've found over the years that most people are good and decent and deserve much better than an assumption.


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## Big country (Dec 25, 2004)

BamaSuzy said:


> Been widowed now going on 14 months & boy do I have stories for my next book. I have not gone on any dates and may not if this keeps up!
> 
> Here's one example. Have a wonderful friend that I have a "history" with from long ago. He is adorable. Headed up a big organization in our county for years. Spent two hours sitting in my little general store with me couple of Saturdays ago giving me all the reasons I NEED to at least go out with him....almost had me convinced....(been months of phone calls)...
> But then daughter hollered that the man was here with the big firewood delivery! We walked to carport. Man needed help unloading wood. Friend SUDDENLY remembered he had to meet his male friend at the river....
> ...


It sounds like youâre looking for a servant to do your work pay the bills and keep his mouth shut, good luck with that. What is it that you have to offer that makes you such a catch?


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## Guest (Sep 15, 2013)

wr said:


> I dislike how these threads always end up bashing entire genders. All men are not lazy louts and all women are not born to shop. Certainly there are lazy people of both genders but I just can wrap my head around them all being that way.
> 
> Perhaps the man left when the firewood delivery showed up because he thought that you were conducting business (which I consider to be a private matter and I'm female) or he felt that the delivery man would unload and it might not be a good time to visit. It's easy to assume the worst in people but I've found over the years that most people are good and decent and deserve much better than an assumption.


THIS..absolutely..


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> I learned really quickly when they started talking about my farm that if I said something to the effect of "yep, I don't know how I'm going to make those big farm payments now that he's gone" they suddenly got in a hurry to leave!


ound: ound: ound:

Smart girl! :bow:


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## farmerj (Aug 20, 2011)

I stopped coming to HomesteadingToday because of threads like this bashing men.

Both genders have a lot to offer the other. People are people. Most are only looking for what's in it for them only. Doesn't matter the gender.


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## Brighton (Apr 14, 2013)

Big country said:


> It sounds like youâre looking for a servant to do your work pay the bills and keep his mouth shut, good luck with that. What is it that you have to offer that makes you such a catch?


Are you serious!?


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

I guess I'm an odd female....

I wouldn't expect anyone to help me unload wood. If they volunteered, it might make me wonder what they were up to, I'm so used to doing things on my own.

The house comment would get a reply for them not to worry about it, they don't have to clean it.

The chickens-I'll worry about my chicks and you worry about yours.

The screen door-that's the color I want it, come back next week and it could be different.

The mani/pedi would get a big thank you, but could you give it to someone that would use it.

It sounds as if you might not be ready to date again just yet, looking for the flaws instead of the good.


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

WhyNot said:


> Most men I am interested in have a hard time believing it and try to talk me out of it. Opposite of what is in here..but at the same time it seems to be reactions out of insecurity.


For some men capable, independent women are scary. IOW, A mind can be a scary thing.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

There are lots of wonderful men. It doesn't mean they are the right men for me. I think the perfect man for me would be rolling in my yard with his tractor with a front bucket pulling a log splitter. I'm not holding my breath on that. The few men who've offered to help get all this wood split and stacked could barely walk across the yard without huffing and puffing. I appreciate their willingness but no thank you.

What men are attracted to are the possibility of sex, good home cooking, a comfortable home and a hardworking woman. Many nice men from town recuse themselves from being interested when they learn I heat with wood, have horses, yeah have a mortgage. They really aren't interested upon learning there's no satellite or cable out here.

People who are only looking to feed their appetites don't care how smart you are, your character or how beautiful your heart is. People looking for relationship do.


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## farmerj (Aug 20, 2011)

I found my wife now when I stopped trying to find a partner.

It just happened.

Stop trying. And stop comparing


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

I finally figured out the hassle and assorted finicky aspects associated with the female of our species and chose to just keep things light and my options open until the opportunity to reconnect with the first female I was involved with who understood and tolerated my ways and I hers presented itself.

I now have enjoyed almost five years with her, look forward to years to come as long as we continue to click like a well maintained machine to both our preferences, all the while enjoying the really important lack of relationship related stress as we both live our own lives for more than 2/3 or so of the time as our steady dating choice doesn't impact all of our personal interest time due to the other being under foot 24/7.


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## Rick (May 10, 2002)

Big country said:


> It sounds like youâre looking for a servant to do your work pay the bills and keep his mouth shut, good luck with that. What is it that you have to offer that makes you such a catch?





Brighton said:


> Are you serious!?


They are surely kidding, or else they just skimmed over her posts while watching TV, and talking on the phone.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

I think there are a lot of men that want/need to be the "hero", and think most cleavage showing, polish matching city women are somewhat incapable. Most CITY swomen would be seriously challenged to run a homestead, thus all the suggestions and dumb comments. (men can be dense in the matters of women)

Now, a for honest COUNTRY gal does not need a man. But perhaps she would like the company of one for sharing conversation, a shared dinner on occasion, helping move something heavy, or just to open a door as a show of respect. 

The fact that your not looking for a man at this time makes you irresistible for many men. You are a challenge and men like to chase, you know that, i just needed to remind you. Hang on to the GC you may need a pedi and mani, I think he was trying the best he knew how and just got it wrong for now. 

If your seriously not interested in dating that's cool. But even though you are not putting out the "vibe" you obviously have something going on as you have attracted the attention of men and you should enjoy that fact. Acting upon it is another matter entirely. Enjoy yourself, give yourself time to readjust to being single and the rest will follow in its own good time.


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## Shygal (May 26, 2003)

Big country said:


> It sounds like youâre looking for a servant to do your work pay the bills and keep his mouth shut, good luck with that. What is it that you have to offer that makes you such a catch?




And guess what it sounds like YOU are. :grump:


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Laura said:


> There are lots of wonderful men. It doesn't mean they are the right men for me. I think the perfect man for me would be rolling in my yard with his tractor with a front bucket pulling a log splitter. I'm not holding my breath on that. The few men who've offered to help get all this wood split and stacked could barely walk across the yard without huffing and puffing. I appreciate their willingness but no thank you.
> 
> What men are attracted to are the possibility of sex, good home cooking, a comfortable home and a hardworking woman. Many nice men from town recuse themselves from being interested when they learn I heat with wood, have horses, yeah have a mortgage. They really aren't interested upon learning there's no satellite or cable out here.
> 
> People who are only looking to feed their appetites don't care how smart you are, your character or how beautiful your heart is. People looking for relationship do.


Very well put! Yes, yes, yes!!!


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## farmerj (Aug 20, 2011)

Laura said:


> There are lots of wonderful men. It doesn't mean they are the right men for me. I think the perfect man for me would be rolling in my yard with his tractor with a front bucket pulling a log splitter. I'm not holding my breath on that. The few men who've offered to help get all this wood split and stacked could barely walk across the yard without huffing and puffing. I appreciate their willingness but no thank you.
> 
> What men are attracted to are the possibility of sex, good home cooking, a comfortable home and a hardworking woman. Many nice men from town recuse themselves from being interested when they learn I heat with wood, have horses, yeah have a mortgage. They really aren't interested upon learning there's no satellite or cable out here.
> 
> People who are only looking to feed their appetites don't care how smart you are, your character or how beautiful your heart is. People looking for relationship do.


Just goes to show.....


you don't know WHAT men want.....

Because none of what you claim a man was/is looking for was part of what I wanted.

Try finding a woman who is not judgemental, willing to listen. Accepting of your faults and sharing of hers.

Someone who is gentle in their voice as much in their actions.

And above all....

Just is.....


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## BamaSuzy (May 10, 2002)

Big Country.....I don't want a servant or a paycheck.....I want somebody who is truthful, who is not afraid to work, and who is not intimidated by a strong woman WHO IS WILLING TO WORK....there are lots of great men in this world....my son is one of them.....but I don't want constant criticism, I don't want somebody who is a total jerk....I don't want somebody who wants to immediately make me over,.....

I'm not sure if I am ready to date or not BUT if the right guy comes along I think I would be....

My late husband and I were married for 34 years and were good friends the six years before that....he did not like the homesteading life because he spent part of his childhood in foster care in Alabama and the people that got him just wanted a farm hand....so I can understand that....but if I ever have another relationship or a marriage I want it to be with a like-minded homesteader man or not at all....I don't think that is too much to ask....and Big Country.....I think you are rude....to put it mildly!


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## BamaSuzy (May 10, 2002)

And Big Country.....folks with comments like yours are why I quit posting here about six months ago....


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Well, we ALL want different things from a spouse/SO, whatever. Most times, those wants are caused by experiences we have had in the past with others. We cant all be wright in our wants, and we sure aint all wrong in them. Somethings one person would overlook as trifleing, someone else would think was a serious thing. A thing that may be lacking in one person and the partner be able to live with it, another make feel that lack and be resentful that the other has it. Were all, likely just hopeless romantics, and try as we might, when the right person knocks, hopeless romantics, here we go again as the song New kid in school says.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

BC has a point in his last. I don't think that ANYBODY puts out enough of what they have to offer. I suppose there are reasons for that, We may feel
What we think is attributes to us aren't to others
that our best as we see it may not be taken that way by others
that well be laughed at, made fun of, put down, Yes, I KNOW. I know. That would never happen here, but it does happen.
Maybe someone threatened by what we think are good attributes about ourselves would be slammed by someone that was afraid that we might succeed where they might fail. In casting aspersions about us, they sow seeds of doubt in the opposet sexes mind.
We need to take our chances, think about what are our own best attributes, and find ways of inserting them so that others looking might find them and compile a list of those things that we are great at.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

can I just say I love men.
they are my FAVORITE flavor!!


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> can I just say I love men.
> they are my FAVORITE flavor!!


Dang vampires! :heh: (lol, just kidding Laura! lol)

BamaSuzy, don't worry about what other peoples opinion about what you post or do or do not want in your life. Water off a ducks back and such!


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## BamaSuzy (May 10, 2002)

Farmboy Bill, I have to really really really be careful because deep inside I AM a hopeless romantic....but when somebody walks up and immediately starts telling me what to do, how I "should" feel, or what I'm doing wrong, I immediately go on the offensive....I wouldn't do that to a man..I wouldn't do that to somebody of either sex..that is just not being a good friend to begin with!..I am easy-going usually but I don't like people acting like they are trying to push me around....Maybe being an investigative newspaper reporter for more than 35 years jaded me....I don't give my trust easily even though I am that romantic little girl still inside...
I APPRECIATE everybody's feedback! (except for that one rude person


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## BamaSuzy (May 10, 2002)

And thank you JohnnyLee


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Men are like a box of chocolates.....
All different colors, shapes and sizes.
All different kinds of fillings.....
But at the end of the day.....um, IT'S CHOCOLATE!!! What's not to like?

I love it when I get in a group of people talking about their favorite flavor of this or that, and they look at me and say "What's your favorite flavor?" 
And without thinking, hesitating, or batting an eye I say "Men".
I can't wait to get my Ipad mini so I can video tape the reaction to my answer.
It's the same every time.
Dead silence.
Everyone stares.
Someone laughs that nervous laugh and says "you are so funny" 
And then the subject changes.

Priceless.
Yes, I'm over 45 and I cat call men in uniform, regardless of age, like I am 22!!!
I honk and holler at firemen, construction workers, and policemen.
I am shameless!!
I love me some men.


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

i think my temperature just went up....lol


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

What went up??


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## BamaSuzy (May 10, 2002)

Laura, I used to say I wanted to be cremated when I died and my ashes spread ON country singer Aaron Tippin....one of his songs was playing on the radio in the grocery store the other day and all the check out girls were really really young and they were talking about the song on the radio and I told them that about my ashes and they almost fell out  ahhhh....the younger generation 
We are NOT too old to still have fun!


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## farmgal (Nov 12, 2005)

I dont see it as men bashing. The Op, I am sure, knows both sides of the coin contain the same drama. We can all relate.

There are a few general must have/not haves for me. A brain, he must have a brain. lol


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## wendle (Feb 22, 2006)

I can see where leaving at the sight of work, as in the firewood would be a turn off. I don't see that as just a man thing though. It doesn't hurt a gal to do a little work either. The other things op mentioned though, like the screen door being the wrong color, or the house to big for her is trivial. Maybe he was just trying to make conversation. Got to give him credit for trying to start somewhere.


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## wendle (Feb 22, 2006)

FarmboyBill said:


> What went up??


Blood pressure


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

O i c


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Bamasuzy, I see a lot of men who start with the devaluing and controlling behaviors well before we get to First Date. What I find amazing is many people are oblivious to these behaviors or make excuses for them. Many don't understand my quick response to these guys.

"Buh-bye, seeya around." They are not the men for me.

I see these behaviors in the men my friends date. I tell when "their man" told them when their feeling weren't real. They don't get it until they wasted a couple of years with the guy, sometime throwing away good jobs to move in with them. REALLY?!?!?!

Some men have the need to control. There are women who need that. Some men appreciate strong smart women, we are there for them. Some men are threatened by us. We avoid them.


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## dkhern (Nov 30, 2012)

i agree about compromise or settleing. my best advise is to understand the difference between lonelyness and solitude. best of luck


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## BamaSuzy (May 10, 2002)

Laura, I agree whole-heartedly. If a woman was acting that way I'd tell one of my men friends to run run run away from her as fast as they can...

And to some of the others of u who thought the screen door comments, the size of the house etc. were "trivial" you would have had to be here and listened to the whole conversations....when a man (or any person) IMMEDIATELY starts criticizing and questioning...that should be a red flag to anybody....

Also, more about the firewood and the guy leaving....in the south....it is common courtesy to pitch in and help no matter what the task, and no matter if you are female or male...

I think "common courtesy" says a lot about all of this....and men and women need to think about how they are acting and what impressions they are making on people...and NOT put on acts....be real and true and be a good person....a good hard-working person....I wouldn't ask anything from anybody else that I'm not standing there doing myself.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Maybe he just didn't want to tell you he has a hernia? Or a bad back?

Some people just pitch in, some you need to ask, "Wanna help"? Sometimes they figure you don't WANT help.

Aways give the benefit of doubt until it smacks you in the face like a wet Trout and you can go...I was RIGHT about......

Mon


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## wendle (Feb 22, 2006)

I agree it would depend on how the comments were said. Some of my friends(not dates) around here will make comments about this or that giving me a hard time. Not unlike the screen door comment. I just give it right back. Last summer I dated the controlling type of guy a couple times. He was nice to go out with at first, but on the second date when he came over to my place he right away started telling me things that he would change, or that I should change around the place. It wasn't just an icebreaker, but more coming from judging me, or so it seemed like. I didn't continue dating him of course as I prefer solitude over being with somebody like that. I could be a little slower to catch the clues too.


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## BamaSuzy (May 10, 2002)

nope the not-help-with-the-wood guy is perfectly fit as a fiddle! and he knew I was trying to watch my store, wait on customers, and do a hundred other things at once right then....it was just plain old "I don't want to work"...........and I can take all the kidding and other little comments people make BUT these guys were serious with their comments on how I "should" do things about lots of other things as well....I just hit on the tip of the iceberg here....like Wendle said....I would rather stay single than get in any kind of relationship---even one date---with controlling, manipulative guys....and if you're a guy you should feel the same way about a manipulative woman....it does work both ways....


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Men who do that are trying you on like a pair of discount gloves, jamming their knuckles in where they don't belong because, "Hey, what a bargain!"
It will never be a good fit.

Don't waste your time and feelings on bargain shoppers. 

Some people fit effortlessly like a good pair of driving gloves. They are worth the investment

I don't have men who fall short of "Trust Relationship" into my home. If a man wants to enter devaluing behavior at me, he can do it at the library. I had a seemingly nice man my age, fit, good looking, intelligent and well educated get an hour into the conversation before calling me delusional, slamming his hand on the table and Yelling, "God is psychotic!" That brought the librarian in with her SHHHHH and a smirk from Prairie Man. 

Hayseed, Logger Hero and Prairie Man are the only men in 3 years of being single who've been to my home. I've known them for years and these are relationships of trust and respect. True gentlemen are not threatened by intelligent women. I miss Prairie Man.


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## oregon woodsmok (Dec 19, 2010)

I don't expect a man to chip in and help with the work, but, by golly, it sure earns him a big fat lot of extra bonus points.

As for the chickens and the screen door, I have plenty to do, I don't need a man to sit around and find more work for me to do. I've also got a brain of my own, I don't need near strangers to be telling what I am supposed to think and what I can like or not like. Not to mention, it is bad manners to sit around criticizing another persons tastes and management.

So, I know that many men are decent men, but some of them are not a good addition to a woman's life.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Darren said:


> For some men capable, independent women are scary. IOW, A mind can be a scary thing.


That's what I keep being told.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

WhyNot said:


> That's what I keep being told.


 Yet there are strong capable men who value and appreciate smart independent women. Be yourself and those who don't won't clutter up your scenery.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

BamaSuzy- you are what most men would consider a rare gem because you are capable and independent. True, it may scare some men off, but would you want to be with a man that insecure anyway???
Keep high standards but above all just listen to that little voice inside you. When it feels right, you will know!


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Bama, I want to know more about this store you are talking about? It is on your farm? What do you sell? Not trying to be to personal so please don't take it the wrong way but I would love to know more details, like would it be possible to put a store on a farm and sell garden goods type of thing? 

Oh, and I am behind you 100% about the whole men trying to change how you do things or make suggestions. Ya want to get on my bad side, try changing me, it doesn't work so well in their favor.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Laura said:


> Yet there are strong capable men who value and appreciate smart independent women. Be yourself and those who don't won't clutter up your scenery.


So far being myself has not only not cluttered up the scenery....it has obliterated people in general. Keep talking...I'll keep giggling about it. 

Really the only times it gets to me and, I've found, the only time I feel really alone when I don't want to be is days like today when I receive news that it would be nice to cuddle up and cry on someone's chest about because sharing with those that are family and friends...it would cause them much worry...and I have always had problems with that. I went through cancer alone because of that. And this is wrong, I know that. Difficult to draw them into my issues because I am the one everyone depends on and I just can't do that to them.


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## billooo2 (Nov 23, 2004)

WhyNot said:


> So far being myself has not only not cluttered up the
> 
> . I went through cancer alone because of that. And this is wrong, I know that. Difficult to draw them into my issues because I am the one everyone depends on and I just can't do that to them.



I might know something of what you are saying.......a doctor told me over the phone on a late Friday afternoon......that my tests had come back positive for cancer.......all of my family had gone for a weekend trip.......and all of my friends were 'busy' with other plans.......it was one of the loneliest times that I have ever had.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

billooo2 said:


> I might know something of what you are saying.......a doctor told me over the phone on a late Friday afternoon......that my tests had come back positive for cancer.......all of my family had gone for a weekend trip.......and all of my friends were 'busy' with other plans.......it was one of the loneliest times that I have ever had.


Okay, wait and hold the fort. I am sorry if this is a major thread drift question but cancer? Biloooo, what is going on?


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

billooo2 said:


> I might know something of what you are saying.......a doctor told me over the phone on a late Friday afternoon......that my tests had come back positive for cancer.......all of my family had gone for a weekend trip.......and all of my friends were 'busy' with other plans.......it was one of the loneliest times that I have ever had.



Maybe. My people weren't just "busy". I simply didn't tell them and did the battle on my own for years without saying a word. I didn't want my daughter to worry and my mom...she wouldn't have been able to handle it...she almost didn't when I told her after it was over. And now here I am again with something different...same boat. 

It is a real problem of mine to make sure those I love and take care of don't worry about me because then they worry about their own stability. My daughter I'm sure could handle it..but again would worry...my mother...I'm not sure right now, she depends on me and I don't want her worrying about her own fate because of what may be mine.


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## BamaSuzy (May 10, 2002)

Cindilu, somewhere on COUNTRYSIDE MAG website there was a link to the article I did for them about my little farm store when it was just in a little room off my carport....Now it is moved to a building on the other side of my house and has a little front porch and is a regular little general store....there's a chapter in my book about it...don't know if this is allowable or not but you can go to www.suzysfarm.com and see photos and stuff or go to Old Field Farm General Store on Facebook....


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Love love love your store Suzy. So I shared it on my Facebook page, hope that is okay.


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## BamaSuzy (May 10, 2002)

That is great CindiLu! tell everybody there to buy my book too!  It's available on Amazon and on Kindle....there are links on the Barter thread here or I can send them to u!!!!
There's also links lower down somewhere on both of my FCBK pages!


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Okay, I can do that as well. It seems one of my friends from Chi are also posting on your FB page. He is making me laugh with his comments that is for sure. 

I can spread the word, all very cool. You are living your dream and for that, you should be very proud. I love that little store.


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## BamaSuzy (May 10, 2002)

Thank u for all your support Cindilu!


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

You are welcome and keep up the good work. I love the store but I also love that you are living your dream and making it work. Not bad at all for a single women/business owner/someone who is not willing to give up on life but make it work for them. You should be proud.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

LOL; been there, done that. 

Starting over after a long marriage to a fine woman such as mine was a challenge. 

However, the old rules still hold; If you want a good man/woman, make yourself into something a good man/woman wants.

Ox


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## Grumpy old man (Aug 6, 2013)

Sad but true it was women who produced these men of today by requiring them to look just like a picture they saw in some magazine looking all manicured and toned and tanned , They turned many a man into some delusional idea of what a "real" man is ! And now as we all age and realize what is really important the men no longer fit the bill as some women are no longer in need of a pretty boy but would rather have a rugged man of all trades and faithful partner ...Meanwhile the women are unsatisfied and the men unable to meet the changing ways and needs ..........


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## CountryWannabe (May 31, 2004)

LOL. I want a pretty boy who is toned and tanned, is a jack of all trades, faithful and who can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan. What I have is nothing like that, but I love him anyway. Some women are realists who just like the occasional day dream.

Mary


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## Grumpy old man (Aug 6, 2013)

Some men are 'realists' and realize the women of their dreams needs to be more than a pretty face and a shopping habit !


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## BamaSuzy (May 10, 2002)

well I don't think I'm a "pretty face" and I'm certainly not a shopping habit! I'm more of a hermit here on the homestead than anything else!
I am content at home and I'm hoping to find a man (if there ever is one) who would be content on the homestead as well....may never find one but I can dream


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

But after awhile they seem to crave the bar scene and weekend travel. I think they should just rent and not buy a home, that way they can just float around as their whim desires.


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## CountryWannabe (May 31, 2004)

I never was a pretty face, and haven't improved with age. My shopping habit is generally confined to animal feed, seed and (recently) the materials for my raised beds. I do confess to having dastardly plans for a hoophouse (Yay! More shopping!!) I am very much a stay at home. I always was - once I found someone worth staying at home *with*. 

Mary


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