# Old or Ancient



## Big Dave (Feb 5, 2006)

As I was walking into a store yesterday. I took a cart from a couple that would have had to push it farther than they needed to and I would need one in the store. Upon walking toward the entrance there stood this man of fraile stature. His forward motion could be described as VERY limited. His steps were not further than the leagth of his foot. Then a wait to regain balance. then another step. As I came up on him I told him to garb onto the shopping trolly to help him not to fall. His clothes were several sizes too big and the orange hunting cap read time out from this marriage for hunting. He did. He never spoke or made any eye contact, just motioned to the sit down motorized shopping cart. When we got to the cart I left him. Others had stopped to look. One woman said to me thank you for helping him. The people in the store said to me when I expressed my concerns he comes in all the time for groceries. We are always scared if he is giong to make it out. HE DRIVES HIMSELF! :stars:


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## tallpines (Apr 9, 2003)

Everyone is so busy with their own "stuff".

Too bad someone doesn't take the time to offer him more help.
Perhaps there is a church group, or other community service group, who could offer to drive him for his errands, or even run the errands for him.

Or, perhaps others have tried and maybe he is just too dog gone stubborn to accept help.

You did good seeing to his very immediate needs.
Thank you ~~~


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

Thank you. We're all gonna get there.


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## marytx (Dec 4, 2002)

I'd like very much for my parents to stop driving. Actually Dad, at 88, drives, and is more able than Mom. I'm scared to death that after he is gone Mom will drive herself. She is 8 years his junior, but very arthritic, and shuffles to walk. That is not to mention her general lack of awareness.

The problem is they will not stay home. One of us could take them for errands once a week, but they insist on going every day. The cost in time and gasoline would be prohibitive for any of us to do that.


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## Helena (May 10, 2002)

When my Dad was 88 we had his license taken from him. We sent in a form to the state and his doctor was informed of it. He was just slow driving and getting lost. Driving on the side of the road etc. He had to try and take a test but couldn't get past the questions for driving. He was upset and upset with me but I thought better me than a small child getting hurt. He could still walk pretty well and all but I felt responsible for the safety of others. I encourage anyone to take this step if their parents are not able to drive safely. They will be upset...but that is better than dealing with any horrible accident. I would never have wanted anyone to say.." why didn't the family take their license"....


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

i see that all the time. i help them into the store too. and just because he needs the chair in the store doesn't mean he cant drive good. he might just have problems with his legs.regarding the clothes he wears. he could be like the ones around here who popped off one day leaving millions in their mattress. ~Georgia


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## pancho (Oct 23, 2006)

I had a father in law that took medication that wouldn't allow him to drive.
His kids took his car keys away. He called a lock smith and had new ones made.
His kids locked his cars in a garage. He cut the lock off.
His kids moved all of his cars to another house. He bought another.

Some people just won't take no for an answer.


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## CherieOH (Jun 10, 2005)

What a nice thing you did! I have trouble walking myself, but it doesn't affect my driving. So I'm not ready to give up my independence yet. I am ever so grateful when someone leaves a cart beside a handicapped parking space. That makes getting into the store ever so much easier for me. I leave my cart there too when I am finished, right between the parking places and way up front out of the way of parking. It's kind of ridiculous to have a handicapped parking space and still have to walk your cart halfway up the row to the cart corral anyway.


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## Wolf mom (Mar 8, 2005)

maybe he normally uses a walker - but have you ever seen someone try to use a walker then try to figure out where/how to put it on a shopping cart or an electric cart? Too heavy to lift into a shopping cart- too cumbersome & big to put on an electric cart.


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## Welshmom (Sep 7, 2008)

You did good.
Sometimes good intentions have negative consequences. Like bringing groceries to a senior instead of letting them go get them. Some folks need that regular getting out to keep a bit of an edge. The old saying "Use it or lose it" comes to mind. 
I'm not at all trying to say helping out seniors is a bad thing. Just know that I've seen some who give up trying once they don't have to...
I hope some day if I'm shuffling across a parking lot, somebody comes along and tells me to grab on.


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## goatlady (May 31, 2002)

mary, tx PLEASE let you folks "shop" every day. That is their window to the world, their social time! They would die having to stay home everyday being bored to death, without people around and the hustle and bustle of life swirling all around them!.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

As an old man said one day... Well, I can't hear too good any more. Got this crick in my neck and I can't turn it. My old eyes aren't too good either. I don't notice things like I used to.....but thank God I can still drive. Scary but unfortunately often true.

My Granny had a stroke that ruined her peripherial vision to the right in both eyes. Which meant she had a blind spot right in the middle and couldn't see anything to the right side. We called it driving by brail. She would scoot back over to the left when she hit the rough right hand side of the road.

One day she was following me as we drove into town to go shopping. A light changed just as I went through. Granny saw the red light all right...and she slowly drove through the intersection to stop directly under the light(rather than at the line). She finally got started again when people got behind her and honked. When we got to the store I asked her how she was supposed to see when the light turned green with being stopped under the light. I got the usual lecture about her having been driving longer than I had been alive. She was really a danger on the road. We all offered to stop whatever we were doing and drive her anywhere she wanted to go, but she didn't want to give up driving.

I think maybe having to periodically re-take a driving test would be beneficial. Not only for the elderly. There are some younger folks that probably couldn't pass the test a second time either.


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## TNHermit (Jul 14, 2005)

Use to go to the fiddlers convention in hills of NC. There was an old man there that couldn't walk. they carried him on stage. And when they put the fiddle in his hand he played like he was 19. then they came and carried him off the stage


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

pancho said:


> I had a father in law that took medication that wouldn't allow him to drive.
> His kids took his car keys away. He called a lock smith and had new ones made.
> His kids locked his cars in a garage. He cut the lock off.
> His kids moved all of his cars to another house. He bought another.
> ...


Almost sounds like he didn't need the medication!

Seriously, have you ever noticed how MANY meds caution about driving? I think a good deal of that (not all, though) may be drug makers not wanting to get sued.

Mon


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## pancho (Oct 23, 2006)

frogmammy said:


> Almost sounds like he didn't need the medication!
> 
> Seriously, have you ever noticed how MANY meds caution about driving? I think a good deal of that (not all, though) may be drug makers not wanting to get sued.
> 
> Mon


He drank liquid morphine right out of the bottle along with several other medications. Seeing a man turn up a bottle of that while trying to drive is not something you would like to meet on a busy street.


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## thesedays (Feb 25, 2011)

My old neighbor, who was very pregnant at the time (and had just graduated from high school, but that's another story) had her car sideswiped, along with several others, at a stoplight by an elderly woman who didn't even know she had hit anything.



My neighbor was slightly injured in the accident, too as were some of the other people who were hit.

There are periodically stories about elderly drivers, usually men, who "mistake" the gas pedal for the brake and plow into a crowd. Remember when that man did that at a farmer's market a few years ago, killing about a dozen people and injuring something like 100 others? I really don't think those are accidents; I believe it's murder/suicide. There was another story years ago about a late-model Cadillac that plowed into a field where a Little League game was going on, also killing several children. It was initially believed that the driver might have had a stroke or heart attack, but it turned out he was blind and his wife was out for the day, and he thought he could take the car and nobody would ever know.


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## thesedays (Feb 25, 2011)

TxMex said:


> I think maybe having to periodically re-take a driving test would be beneficial. Not only for the elderly. There are some younger folks that probably couldn't pass the test a second time either.


In Illinois, a driver's license for people 75 and over is for 1 year only, and they must take a driving test in order to renew it. I think that's a great idea.


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## thesedays (Feb 25, 2011)

pancho said:


> I had a father in law that took medication that wouldn't allow him to drive.
> His kids took his car keys away. He called a lock smith and had new ones made.
> His kids locked his cars in a garage. He cut the lock off.
> His kids moved all of his cars to another house. He bought another.
> ...


Bought another car, or bought another house? 

Did he still have a license? If not, the police could be informed about this, and have him arrested.


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## pancho (Oct 23, 2006)

thesedays said:


> Bought another car, or bought another house?
> 
> Did he still have a license? If not, the police could be informed about this, and have him arrested.


He was arrested.
Took about 30 minutes and he was out. 
If a person really wants to drive there is little anyone can do to stop them.


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## ToniBinSC (Jan 20, 2013)

My grandfather just turned 90yo and finally agreed to move out here to the country to live near me (he has his own place about 500 yards away) so that I can help him with anything he may need. He quit driving on his own, not for any medical reasons, but for his own anti~authority reasons. (that's a whole other story) 
Now I myself am a bit of a homebody, content to stay at home and only go out if I absolutely have to. My point is, that when I do go out, I almost always make a point to swing by his place to ask him if he wants to ride with. He always agrees. Most times he comes with me just for the ride even when there is nothing he needs "to do". I have learned that these outings, no matter how trivial, are the highlights of his days. 
So I truly applaud you sir, for your attention to this elderly gentleman, and ask all the rest of you to please be kind to the next elderly person you may see struggling out in public because they may be someone else's grandparent. 
Thank you. 
Sent from my PantechP8010 using Tapatalk 2


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

I'm already practicing for when the time comes that I must trade my drivers license for an old timers I.D. by once or twice a month calling to get a paid ticket on our county bus that the old folks can ride for free.

When I have the time to spare for the bus route to run my errands I pack a light lunch and a book ,my magnetic travel chess board, pack of cards or dominoes. I save gas and often get in a game of whatever or read to kill time during the ride if conversation isn't a good option. 

I entertain no illusion that I will be able to drive as long as I may live so I figure I may as well get used to it and the occasional field trips are pleasant until they become a necessity.


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## ToniBinSC (Jan 20, 2013)

^^^ very nice. 

Sent from my PantechP8010 using Tapatalk 2


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## Buffy in Dallas (May 10, 2002)

thesedays said:


> There are periodically stories about elderly drivers, usually men, who "mistake" the gas pedal for the brake and plow into a crowd.


This happened to my dad last year. He was in a parking lot, backing out of a parking place. He hit the gas instead of the brake and hit 2 cars. (no people thank goodness) It was an accident and was very embarrassing for him. He had my mom, my sister, her hubby and my son in the car with him. He is still driving.


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## ToniBinSC (Jan 20, 2013)

I do agree that not all older people should be driving. Like I said, my grandfather chose to quit driving on his own, although for other reasons. But before he did, he had several accidents the year before. So I was secretly glad that he made that decision on his own instead of my having to enforce it, even if it means that I have to drive him anywhere he wants to go. I don't mind because it means that he (and everyone else on the road) is safer. 
On the other hand I also have another grandfather in another state farther away whom I don't get to see very often who has Alzheimer's setting in, and he has already done things like park his car and wandered around not knowing which car is his, and forgetting how he got there. 
I am not sure if there are any laws about testing older drivers before renewing their driving license here, but it is definitely a good idea. 
___________________________________
You call it junk; I call it rustic.


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## lmrose (Sep 24, 2009)

My husband hasn't had a vehicle since he was 54 yrs. old. He will be 68 yr in March. I have impaired vision so I don't drive either. It has been really hard living in the country without our own vehicle.But it is not as bad as it would have been if he had kept driving and and had fallen asleep and accidentally killed someone! He has fell asleep driving since he had a car in his eary thirties. Apparently he has a previously undiagnosed sleeping motion sickness. He even fell asleep driving a tractor mowing hay in his 20's. It took twenty years of complaining before he finally quit driving. The worse thing was other family disagreed with me and tried to get him to keep driving. No one believed me when I told then he falls asleep driving! The kids or I had to steer the truck off the road to a stop. When he woke up he had no recognition that he had been asleep. 

It got worse through the years. He finally realized he was a danger to others and voluntarily quit driving. He can drive a scooter or mortor cycle and stay awake so he still has a license. Once in awhile he thinks he wants to drive again but I just have to remind him. He borrowed a vehicle three years ago and tried driving again and was sound asleep in ten minutes. So now there is no more discussion about getting a vehicle and everyone is much safer.

Sometimes you just have to insist someone stop driving when they don't recognize the danger themselves for everyones safty. A person does not have to be elderly to be a risk on the road to themselves and others.


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## mnn2501 (Apr 2, 2008)

pancho said:


> His kids moved all of his cars to another house.  He bought another.
> 
> Some people just won't take no for an answer.


My FiL was like that, one of his daughters bought his car, he went out and bought another (brand new), drove it less than 500 miles before he died.


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## kalmara (Aug 21, 2011)

Drove my legally blind neighbour to a Blind Foundation meeting in a nearby small town.

Sitting in my car, waiting for him, I counted 12 (TWELVE) people come out of the hall, get into a car and drive off.

I discovered after meeting that all 12 of them were classed as legally blind !

Am now very wary when driving in that town


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## Classof66 (Jul 9, 2011)

I was sitting in a commercial cataract clinic waiting for my dad. One of these places that goes to senior centers and brings busloads of seniors in for a "cataract Evaluation." One woman went in to see the doctor and the others started talking about what a horrible driver she was, how bad her reflexes were and how they refused to ride with her, and how it was just a matter of time until she killed someone. 

Afterwhile she came out with a big smile on her face and said, "The doctor said I'll still be able to drive after I have my surgery!" They all just looked at each other in shock.

I wonder if some of these places are kind of a scam. They bus them in, play soft music, serve juice and mini muffins and take their money....

I could even smell the muffins baking.

My cousin, still driving at age 99, took his keys to bed with him.


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## parthy (Mar 17, 2008)

My parents are 75. They both still drive. If we go anywhere together, I drive.

I gave them both advice. Don't want your kids to take you driver's licence away - don't let them see you drive. So far, they don't have a problem with it.


I had a grandma that after her stroke (at 82), her only need in life seemed to be to be able to drive. We took the spark plugs out of her car.


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## Nimrod (Jun 8, 2010)

I had a neighbor who was in his 90s. He could still drive but was not very good at it. I'm not a relative so it was not my place to try to stop him from driving and he didn't have accidents. I would take him on errands once a week. I would drive his car and we would go to the stores we wanted to shop and the bank. When we got to a store I would help him into the store if there was snow and ice and he would use a cart to steady himself as he shopped. We would go our seperate ways and meet at the front of the store. One benefit was that his car had a disabled sticker so we could park close to the door.

I think we all need to put ourselfs into the older person's shoes. They want to be independent as long as possible. They want to get out and do things. Sitting at home alone is very boring. Running errands may be the high point of their week. Walking out to the mailbox may be the high point of their day. I figure we should help them as little as nessary. The more they do for themselves, the more excerise they get, the longer they will be able to go without help. 

Within 3 months of my moving away he had to sell his house and move too. The sad thing was that he had 3 grown kids that lived fairly close that rarely helped him out.


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## tgmr05 (Aug 27, 2007)

Nimrod has touched on the truth/reality for most. Most of us will live long enough to understand. There is something about the freedom of being able to go where you want, when you want, outside of your dwelling. It is one of the toughest things to go through giving up. 

You spend your life collecting things, doing things, taking care of others, etc. all on your own. As you age, you start to give things away, watch things and chat with folks more instead of doing things, have others take care of certain things for you, and the last thing you give up is your freedom to go where you want, when you want. Even if you do not go out but once every two weeks, at least you get to decide when and where, and for how long, etc.

The last thing you want, is to turn a persons home into a prison, especially for those you love. The reality is, eventually we all wind up losing the ability to be free, as we near the end of a long life. We depend on doctor appointments, friends for rides to the groceries, and we have to wait sometimes to come back home, when we wish we could just leave now...

Imagine being trapped in your house, with no way to get around, unless someone comes to get you. Imagine being slower, or better put, disabled, or on crutches with an injury, and having to rely on others to do much of anything other than watch the grass grow. Imagine that permanently a part of your life....

When I was younger, I could not understand why folks would let their parents stay home, get sick, and fall down and get injured and be put in the hospital, when they could be in a rest home with someone to care for them. As I have matured, myself, I understand the importance of freedom/mobility and how stripping that may actually shorten the lives of the ones you love, or take away some of the zest for life that they had.

Sure, we all want to be rich, live with a butler, chef, personal assistant, and have folks help us dress when we are young and so busy. Not so much as you age, if you have not had the means to do so already.... Big differnce between a millionaires butler, and a medicare rest home worker....

Is there a point at which it becomes necessary to strip that freedom from your loved ones? Yes, but wait as long as you can, without endangering a lot of folks.


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