# Advice please - be patient, this may take a looooong time :)



## hoggie (Feb 11, 2007)

OK - I am STILL trying to decide if my DD is in the best place educationally. I always intended to homeschool her, but she wanted to go to school and so we went for that. Last summer she went through a stage of saying she wanted to come home, and I was all set to go for it. But she was actually sort of looking forward to her new teacher so decided to go back in September.

Now they have gone back after the Christmas holidays (went back on Thursday) and after having a fantastic holiday together (I had a couple of weeks off work as well) we are really feeling being back at school. She was so much more relaxed and easy-going during the holidays, and now today has said that she would rather be at home. 

I am worrying about it as, on some levels, she loves school. She has a great teacher who works with her abilities to get the most from her. I have pointed out that she would miss out on things like nativity plays etc. and she agreed that she would miss those, but that she would still rather be at home.

If I bring her home, it will cause a few practical problems. It may mean that I had to give up work and take some assistance. I'm not sur eif my mum would have her while I work as she doesn't agree with homewschooling - would have to make the decision and then find out what she would do. 

But most of all, i don't want to pull her out and then find that she is missing her friends and the school set up. Although in all fairness, I think it is partly problems with the other kids that are worrying her.

Any thoughts etc please? I must warn you all that I will probably revisit this topic over and over as I agonise over it  My education was SUCH a mess that I am terrified of messing up my DD's

TIA

hoggie


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## hintonlady (Apr 22, 2007)

I have been HS'ing for about 4 months and it has been an anxiety riddled change of life. Making the decision to do so was very very scary. The people in this forum were so helpful and encouraging. If nothing else is sane or stable, know that you are not alone.

I am glad for having made the choice I did. It was best for my son who was simply failing to thrive academically in a public school setting. I do have days filled with doubts and worries...Did I do the right thing? Is he learning enough? Will he make it as an adult? These doubts and worries are very common, especially in the first year or so. (many have told me this) The transition and consequent finding of ones own path does take time/patience. I tweak our lesson plan and work on socialization as an ongoing project. It may never be perfect but it works for us.

I do the best that I can while steering as far as possible away from conventional schooling patterns. He may not be in the top percentage of his peers, but then again he never was. What he will be is well rounded, experienced in a lot of life and who he is meant to be. (NOT a cookie cutter mind) He has stopped worrying about the clothes he wears or kids being mean to him. He just seems happier being himself now.

HOWEVER; I would be very cautious in making a move JUST for social issues. Although children can be cruel learning to escape/hide is not a healthy pattern in life. Depending on your childs age I would first get to the heart of their desire/worry and as a parent step back and objectively decide what is best for them in the long run. Not all choices we make for them will be met with applause. If your heart tells you something listen to it. 

ALSO: You really must be honest to anyone who you wish to ask for or need for help/support. To do it in a sneaky way will just undermine your position. Express yourself as best you can, give literature, show them this forum or HS sites. Let the person see why it is important. I thought my Mom would freak and was afraid to tell her. Once she saw how important it was she was fine.

Depending on childs age/care needs and your work schedule you really must think about more than just your child. There is so much more involved if it means you must lose work hours/pay. If you need Moms help during day chances are she would have to help teach. IT IS CRITICAL to get her okay first. That could be an imposition on her and to drop it on her without warning is a very inconsiderate thing to do. that could build resentment. Allow her to feel like a part of the process if you must depend on her. Maybe if she knows your willing to risk income she will see how important it is to you.

If all else fails or if it isn't what you wanted, if you teach at grade level your child can always go back to regular school. 

Have you sought alternative school situations? Maybe another HS mommy who could share school duties so you both can school and work part time?


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## hintonlady (Apr 22, 2007)

BTW

You can always arrange play dates with old school friends.

There are lots of ways to socialize outside of school.

Church groups, various youth clubs, a dance class, library, kids at park, other HS families etc.

Friends is not so much as problem as you may think.

Quality is better than quantity.


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## hoggie (Feb 11, 2007)

Hi hintonlady.

Thanks for the reply  My DD is 6. So, although she is pretty articulate, it is quite hard to get to the bottom of what is wrong. I know she has had problems with some of the other kids (nothing major - just stuff she doesn't really understand and it makes her stressy). And I think she is whittling about her work. She is pretty bright and is working ahead of the class which is fine, and the teacher is handling it great (can't speak highly enough of her teacher) but I think DD feels that all the other kids get help and she never does. Probably true as the other kids probably need help and she very rarely does - but for some reason it worries her. Even as a baby she had this thing where, if something worried her, she would go very quiet and still. This means that if there is a problem, people don't usually pick up on it. If you ask if she is OK they will say "oh yes, she's fine, good as gold" because they don't recognise those signals. if that makes any sense?

I won't be sneaky as such about the HSing. What I am thinking is to see if I can make it work a) with my Mum having DD in the mornings, and b) what would happen if I gave up work. Then when I put it to my mum, if I she would have her in the mornings then we would be ahead. She has her mornings in the holidays now, so I do' think it would be a great issue. Just that I am not sure she would be happy supporting that decision. I know I could cope working just mornings, so My thought is that DD could take some worksheets to my mum's which she wouldn't really need too much help with. And then the rest of school could be done in the afternoon. At only 6, her time requirement for school is not a lot. And over here we don't have a set amount of hours that the kids have to complete if you homeschool. 

School options here are pretty limited - ther is another school, but I made a decision not to send DD there 18 months ago. Like I say, she is pretty bright, and the privte school were chasing me to send her there, offered to take her free etc. But my feeling was that they would just see her as a "scholarship machine" and just push her TOO hard. She needs time to be a kid too? And right now there is no-one else homeschooling here. There were two families but they ahve both left the island now.

Socializing, I am not TOO bothered about. I run Rainbows and Guides, so she is a Rainbow and she joins in with all the Guides' activites too. She does a keep fit/dance class on Saturdays. And her two best friends are from outside her school circle - one goes to the private school and the other is at her school but a year older.

I have a lot of agonising to do. I have told her that I can't just pull her out at a moment's notice. That she should stay until Easter and see if this passes. When she started school, I always said (to myself - not her) that if she turned out to not be happy then we would have to have a period where she stuck it out to make sure we were doing the right thing.

Thanks again for th einputt

hoggie


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## hoggie (Feb 11, 2007)

OK - just a quick update. I thought about what you said hinton lady, and I spoke to my Mum this morning. Although she thinks the time isn't right, and DD shoudl be at school, she WOULD have her mornings and supervise any work I gave her to do if I decided to HS. 

That's actually quite a liberating discovery. It means I don't have to go down the moral debate of "is it right to take assistance in order to HS when I can work". The issue can be ALL about DD's educational needs 

Thanks again for the advice

hoggie


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## Cheryl in SD (Apr 22, 2005)

After reading your posts for a while, I think you will do a great job educationg your dd and should homeschool. However, I think I would wait until a natural school break (end of term) and spend the time in the meantime assembling materials and getting things in order to teach her. Another few months won't hert and your planning ill help tremendously. If your dd were in danger or struggling, it would be different. But as she is doing well, prepare to pull her out at a set time you feel comfortable with and give yourself a chance to get ready.


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## LvDemWings (Sep 11, 2005)

hoggie does your school have a summer break? In the US most kids are out of school for 10 weeks. An extended period of time, when your DD doesn't have school would be the ideal time to see if homeschooling fits you and your DD.


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## ovsfarm (Jan 14, 2003)

Can you speak with her teacher? Perhaps she has some insight as to what might be causing your dd to stress. And she might be able to offer some suggestions regarding homeschooling. Not all teachers are opposed to it. The really good ones want the best education for all children regardless of where it is obtained. She might be able to help you come up with a plan for a year's worth of curriculum to see if it will work for you, and then if not, dd would not be at all behind for ps the following year. 

There are lots of great books and articles for your mother to read that might help her become more enthusiastic about homeschooling. Her having a neutral opinion is good, but it would be so much better if she had enthusiasm for the change. When all is said and done though, the proof is in the pudding--if she can see positive change in her dgd's attitude and good educational progress, that is the best way to gain her support.

Regardless, you will have good and bad days of homeschooling. Times when you doubt yourself and fear that you are destroying your dd's life. And other times when you are so impressed with the person she is becoming and dazzled by her intellect. I imagine ps teachers experience the same thing. I just met with the ps teacher who will be doing dd's portfolio review at the end of our school year this time. She assured me that dd was doing work at an advanced level in most subjects and made suggestions for improving in the areas where she was struggling a bit. She told me that I should not stress over dd's education, that we were doing fine. At least from that teacher's perspective, homeschooling is not ruining my child.


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## Karen (Apr 17, 2002)

I know this has been a difficult decision for you. Congratulations on your decision to give it a try! 

Just one thing to remember, socialization and educating are 2 entirely different areas of a child's life. There is no reason they have to be combined. In fact, your child then becomes freed to learn both in a better and, more realistic, manner. Education improves; socialization skills improve.

Homeschoolers often have to work a bit harder at creating socialization activities, but no more so than what you have during a holiday or summer vacation in regular school. 

Actually, those social activities tend to be more varied and productive than publicly schooled children. Generally because publicly schooled (meaning non-homeschool) parents don't recognize the need for correct socialization. They tend to feel that "school" or "after school" events are the acceptable and practical ways of socialization. 

But, in reality, it doesn't provide a child with opportunities to socialize with new people, learn new skills, acceptance of a variety of ages/groups/interests/etc. You're simply rotation "_activities_" (busy play) within the same social group.


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