# The long and short of it.



## swamp man (Dec 25, 2005)

This ain't necessarily any of everybody's business, but the subject of addiction, etc was a hot topic here before my "vacation", I've seen to much to pretend, and I don't like to leave friends hanging. 
When I detox, it's ugly. I'm not one to detox in a few days, because my problem is an extreme case, and it's been going on since I was a pup. I tend to remember only bits and pieces of the indescribable experience, and it goes on for days and days.
The whiskey got the better of me a while back (since I moved to Iowa), and all the coke, painkillers, a little ice, and 2-CE (a new on on me) probably didn't help. I opted to go cold turkey and detox sans medical assistance, made it four days clean, went to walk my dog, and woke up on the sidewalk with EMT's picking me up to put me in an ambulance. Evidently, I had gone into massive seizure, and a passer by called 911. I dang near died, and endured quite a tongue lashing from sawbones for trying to detox alone.
Bein' as how my game plan fell a few yards short of a touchdown and I could barely walk, I checked myself into a bizarre hospital in Des Moines for detox, where I immediately got into a huge altercation with three surly security guards who mistook me for one of these skinny-jean wearin', arm-shavin', metrosexual pansies that Iowa pumps out by the busload....off to a fine start at what would be my home for the next two weeks. I could write a book on the rampant incompetence of the bizarre hospital, but that's a whole 'nuther story. Anywho, I was initially denied at a coupla' inpatient rehab facilities, I hound-dogged the problem, and it was because the hospital had sent an incorrect list of meds I was on to the rehabs. Morphine to treat detox??? That don't even make sense. I had the doctors correct their mistake, and was accepted to a "rehab" in Mt. Pleasant Iowa. I went sight unseen, as I was out of time, and needed to get into whatever rehab would take me. My truck and most of my stuff was still in Fairfield, so I got a cab to motel 6 and stayed there for a coupla' days until a slot was open, where I stayed miserably sober and ate from the nearby gas station, because I was away from my transportation. I hired a crazy dude off the internet to drive me to Mount Pleasant, and the tall fences, razor wire and armed guards were my first clue that this warn't no regular rehab. It's an extention of the jail. I was the only one there on a voluntary basis, everyone else was there from jail, and going directly back after so-called 'treatment", it's just a different jail, next door to and on the same property as the regular jail....but it's still jail. I've vacationed at several jails, and this one was one of the crummiest. Being voluntary, they couldn't stop me from leaving, but I stayed because it would qualify me for a real, actual rehab in Iowa City, a college town with lots of hot chicks who mistake underwear for outerwear. Derndest thing you ever did see.
I only had two fights, one over a donut and one over a roll of toilet paper, and with my friend and cellmate being 6'7" and 285, the scum pretty much left me alone.
I received notification Friday that I'd made the waiting list for the Iowa city halfway house, so I got Kelly to pick me up this afternoon. I arrived there with 35 cents, but I hustled some pool, made a cigarette lighter out of a AA battery I stole from the office, a twist-tie from mess hall, and a pencil eraser, and charged fellow inmates a quarter to light their contraban cigarettes after the toaster was confiscated. I built my riches to nearly eight dollars, plenty enough for a pack of smokes and a coke at the nearest convenience store. That first Marlboro was like a big hug from a long, lost friend. 
So I'm in Fairfield at Kelly's house tonight, catching up on the computer while she swears up and down that I'll be sleeping in the spare room tonight, but is inwardly talking herself into gettin' a heapin' helpin' of ol' bojangles. This is the part where I don't argue, continue to be sweet (yet indifferent), and let her drive this train off the tracks all by herself. hear me now and believe me later, but I'll be wakin' up in her bed tomorrow. Tee-hee.
The halfway house ain't gonna' have an opening for me for at least a coupla' weeks, but staying in Fairfield right now, for lots of reasons, ain't a good idea, so I'm probably going to Iowa City tomorrow with no money or definite plan as to where I'll stay initially, but ya' know what?...I'm sober, and when I apply myself, I can generally make things work out, and Lord knows I've been through worse. It's nice camping weather here, and I'm hearing rumors of a bumper crop of morels showing up any day now, so who knows. There's a big question mark on pretty much every aspect of my life right now, but I'll stay in touch as best I can.


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

Nick, 

You try man, you try. 100 times you fall, but you always get up for the 101th time.

Ya got heart man.

I'll be rootin' for you, as always.

~ST


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

may you have a full recovery !!!!.....I been picking morels this week myself.good luck !!


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## Guest (May 5, 2014)

I wish it wasn't like that for you. Sometimes you just gotta play the cards you're dealt.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

For what it's worth, swamp man, you have my most sincere hopes for a success. It sure isn't for lack of trying. All best to you, and hugs, too.


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Nick,

After your descriptions of some of the crossbar hotels you were guest of I can imagine how bizarre it was to be a voluntary guest of one.

Just think of it as a really weird step on the way to the future your seeking and hope you never have to discuss it as part of a heart to heart with your kids or grandkids to help them but be able to if you have to.

Hang in there.


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## COSunflower (Dec 4, 2006)

Don't forget to add THIS experience into "the book" also...


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Your Stick-To-It-iveness is amazing, and an inspiration! I sincerely wish you the best as you best the beast.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Oh swamp man, it takes what it takes.
My journey had all kinds of twists and turns too.
Life is not linear.

Your a smart guy. 
You know what ya gotta do and not do.
I wish you well.
PM anytime. 

:grouphug:


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

May 5th


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

Nick I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Be well, be safe--don't need to tell you to be strong because you already are. Here's hoping this time you can take a deep bite out of that monkey and weaken him into submission.

I recently changed my signature line, but my old one should work for you.....

Ain't a man that can't be throw'd
Ain't a horse that can't be rode

Break that horse, then you can control it and make it work for you


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

I think I might tattoo that on my body:

Fall down 7 times, Stand up 8.


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

Best wishes Nick. Maybe your Winter is over and Spring is just around the corner. If thoughts and prayers count, you're getting plenty.


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

Good work. You are on the trail.


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

Hey Swamp,
I can witness, it's worth the fight...
Your adversary is VERY Powerful & cunning,,yet you can survive,, 
Keep Hope and Faith,,,you already have the desire.. :thumb:

I'm continually surprised by how many become, "Grateful", for the experience.

Your in my thoughts & Prayers
God Bless
L.A.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Good luck to ya pard. Hows the job market up there?


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

Nick, you know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there, my friend. You got this. Call whenever you can. 


Mean people suck.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Speaking of fights. I had a kid living in Slick come over yesterday, recommended by a guy who I fought with while I was in the SCA 12yrs ago. He told the kid to look me up. He came to church last Sun and asked if I would teach him. I said meet me this/last Sun, as this is Monday. He did. Around 25, one side or the other and in good enough shape, I guess sorta like most kids nowadays his age. So we get started, and in no time hes wore out. Well, that's natural for someone who dosent or hasn't done this. so, thereafter We practice tiqunic? without armour, as the only armour I have is mine and my boys, and he was too well built to fit in my boys. Finally, after a rest he wanted to see my armour so he goes gets it and gets it outta my army duffle bag. I show him how to put it on. 48lbs without sword and shield. Hes amazed that I could move around with it. So We go out. I attack, he defends. We work till hes pooped, and goes and takes it off. I put it on. First time in 12yrs there abouts, and we go again he attacks, I defend, TILL HE GETS POOPED AGAIN, OUT OF ARMOUR. 
Finally after round 2hrs, hes leaving. I tell him please don't tell everybody down there how bad you hurt me. He looks at me, and says, HA, Im not going to tell them how bad you hurt ME.

Point, kinda is, bud, that your in a fight yourself. With a guy you know pretty well. Yourself. Now, you can throw the fight, early, thinkin you aren't gonna win it anyway< OR you can slug it out all 9 rounds to see which is the best man. All of us here, by what you've read, think we know the better man. Doncha think its bout time you found that out for yourself? Good luck, and watch out, cause the bad side fights dirty.


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## Guest (May 5, 2014)

Wish I were there to give you a huge Mama hug..lots of prayers for you kiddo....that mountain is a hard climb, but far from an impossible one..love your never give up attitude


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

I have no advice Nick, just Hope. I Hope that you can find a way.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Stay after it Nick; one of these days you will get it right and life will be all roses again. 
We wish you well.
Ox


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## CountryWannabe (May 31, 2004)

Wishing you well in this fight. I have so much respect for your honesty.

Mary


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

Wishing you the very best.

BTW, have you ever thought of becoming a writer, dude? You have the gift.


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

hoping all good things for you Nick, you have good stuff inside


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## homefire2007 (Sep 21, 2007)

One thing is for sure...you've done a lot of things right..you know how to make friends. Refreshing doesn't half cover it, your honesty rocks. Praying for you and know that you are valued whether folks truly understand addiction or not. You have the ability to make people look in the mirror, we all have demons that plague us, maybe in different forms but they are there. We just don't like to look at them too closely. I'm plugging for you.


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## swamp man (Dec 25, 2005)

FarmboyBill said:


> Good luck to ya pard. Hows the job market up there?


I'm not sure, Bill. I've only visited Iowa City once, to try to get detoxed through the ER (unsuccessful mission), but it looks like a fairly booming college town. The halfway house is in close proximity to a humongous factory/industrial park area, as well as a retail/restaurant district, and somehow I've managed to glean the skill to talk my way into or out of dang near anything, so I'm not anticipating having a hard time finding work. Yesterday was busy, but I had a few minutes to peruse craigslist yesterday, and there's some possibilities there with the more skilled areas of landscaping....hardscapes, retaining walls, coy ponds, irrigation, etc; that's the stuff I prefer to stick to.
Elk...Apparently, this area is morel heaven. A gal I met recently showed me some cellphone pics the other day of a haul she and two friends made last year...eighty pounds in one day! We have them back home, but they're scarce and the climate provides only a narrow of opportunity, usually when the dogwoods are just blooming during spring turkey season.
Off to Iowa City today, but I've got a grip of stuff to do. Gotta' fix my bicycle, load my truck up like Sanford and Son, meet a dude to square away business for a storage unit, and figure out where I'll sleep tonight, so I better get my tent in shape, as it's still got lots of Mississippi sugar sand in it from my last camping trip.
Rkintn...holler whenever or text me. I should have my phone on me today.
Lots of uncertainty for the rest of the month, but in a weird way, I'm almost hoping accomodations don't come up so's I'll have an excuse to go full-on "vagabond" for a few weeks. It stanks of adventure.


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## swamp man (Dec 25, 2005)

I've been in Iowa City almost two weeks. I rented the storage unit, and have been sleeping there. I'm used to roughing it, so it ain't too bad, but it sucks in the morning when it's darker than pitch and I'm getting myself ready for my day.
I've been working at a factory where a dude sticks a tiny bottle of conditioner to a giant bottle of shampoo, hands it to me, and I use a super-powered hair dryer to apply the shrinkwrap. Each bottle packet is more stimulating than the next, and I work with the dregs of society. The man who sticks the bottles together just got out of prison for trying to burn down a Monsanto place, he's vegan, he eats a salad for lunch, then whines that he's hungry.When I save up, I'll buy him a cheeseburger. It's like that, yo.
Iowa is just straight-up weird, and the people are....intellectually disadvantaged. It's as if the incessant wind here just blew the common sense right out of 'em. I gotta' stack some chips and get me some yonder before I beat sense into somebody.


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## Guest (May 22, 2014)

Hey sweetie pie
What happened to the halfway house plans?


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## COSunflower (Dec 4, 2006)

Hey Swamp!!!  When I first moved here - about 45 years ago - the only place I could get on at was an old "potato shed". I stood on a board, about 4 ft up, and picked out rotten potatoes as the potatoes came down on a belt from a bath of peroxide to clean and brighten them...The only person close to me was an old man about 8 ft away who rang the start/lunch/quit whistle. A person came around once in the am and once in the pm to take your place for 10 min. so that you could go to the bathroom. I went IN in the dark and came OUT in the dark. I HATED it!!! It was wet and cold also slinging those wet potatoes in an unheated basement. I had to do that for 3 months until I could find a better job!!! (and then THAT was only cleaning motel rooms!)


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## COSunflower (Dec 4, 2006)

Hang in there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## swamp man (Dec 25, 2005)

bostonlesley said:


> Hey sweetie pie
> What happened to the halfway house plans?


I have the same query. Last i heard, it was late may or early june. I'm required to call every monday to retain my spot on the waiting list, which i have done, but the lady I'm in contact with is away from town. It IS being documented that I'm making the obligatory calls, but I'm recieving no updates.Until someone at the MECCA office steps up to the plate, all I can do id stay sober and keep life as normal as possible. I hate this God-forsaken state of retards and miscreants, but I'm out of ideas, and I'm flat tired of trying to plug this gaping wound with a defective band aid.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Nick; If you can kick the habit you could run one of those places instead of playing with a hair dryer. 

Hang in there; I started out shoveling shrimp into a conveyor vat. When all the shrimp had been packed I had to clean the women's bathrooms. Ewwwwwwww.

Then when I got home from the U. S. of A. Army I needed a short-term job for a stake to head off for college. Deckhand on an oyster boat; my share was $14 for two weeks work. Worse, the captain and the boat could not pay expenses--they lost more than I did. It got better as I climbed the ladder. With your talents you'll skip rungs as you go up.


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

We're all ugly at something. Good writing. Good work. Keep on the trail.


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## swamp man (Dec 25, 2005)

These ain't people to learn from, but I've decided to stop being surprised by the stupidity of people in Iowa. I will do my best to keep all this unspeakableness clean. A really hot girl came to crash recently, borrowed Kelly's car (which is a diesel) then pumped it full of unleaded, and drove it 25 miles. Come to find out, she'd just given herself an enema with her boyfriend's dookie 'cuz she wasn't feeling up to snuff and figured he had more "positive bacteria". I ain't got a medical degree, but that's a big assumption to jump to. 
I have to call each Monday to make contact and keep my spot on the waiting list for the halfway house. The voicemail picked up and told me the office was closed in honor of Martin Luther King Jr's birthday. I don't have a calendar in front of me, but they missed it by at least five months. These are the people who are going to rehabilitate me.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

How's the diesel?????


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

YOU hang in there young man........You have more guts and tenacity than 10 people!!
I believe in you Swamp Man!!


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

hang in there !


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## swamp man (Dec 25, 2005)

Oxankle said:


> How's the diesel?????


 Miraculously, it appears to be undamaged. Maybe it wasn't completely empty and still had some residual upper cylinder head lubricants that saved it. It was still a spendy visit to the mechanic's shop.


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## Guest (May 28, 2014)

The good thing about the person making a mistake and saying it was MLK day vs Memorial Day is now you know there are fallible humans there....people who will laugh WITH you over that in months to come..peace be with you kiddo..


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

laura zone 5 said:


> you hang in there young man........you have more guts and tenacity than 10 people!!
> I believe in you swamp man!!


+100%



.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Nick; put up with it. You went there for a purpose and you're not done yet. Tough it out; it will be well worth the trouble. 

It seems true enough that you are among some lower-echelon performers, but you are going to have to climb some stairs to find yourself among your peers. It is the whiskey that has put you down there, so stay with the rehab.


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## wr (Aug 10, 2003)

Nick, I'm impressed with your determination and if you continue to put on foot in front if the other and take each day as it comes, I expect good things in your future. 

If I was a few thousand kilometers closer, I'd gladly give you a place to stay and work that you'd enjoy.


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## Tana Mc (May 10, 2002)

Nick, my hubby says that folks are that way because they spend so much time huddled around the propane heater all winter breathing fumes.....

Seriously, there are just lots of "diverse" people roaming the earth these days--not just in Iowa. 
I know this is a serious time in your life but all I have to do is see that you have made a post and I am grinning before I even read it.
Keep up the good fight and know that complete stranger have a warm spot in their heart for you and are rooting for you!
Good luck to you!


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## billooo2 (Nov 23, 2004)

Thanks for the update. Keep up the good work!!!!


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