# In Spite of my Last Post



## lickcreek (Apr 7, 2006)

Regardless of how depressing it is to have even your "blatantly obvious" accomplishments overlooked, I am hoping to tackle even more of my house this weekend. The current state of my house is really starting to get to me, and I think it is depressing me even more than the fact that no one seems to appreciate it when I DO clean.

Well, you know what? I've decided that *I* appreciate it. I live there too, and I DESERVE a home that doesn't depress me! Especially if I'm going to be the one responsible for it!!! 

Wow!  I hope I'm as driven when I get home from work as I feel right now! LOL!!! :hobbyhors

Have a great weekend everyone, and happy cleaning!!!!


----------



## pinemead (Jan 18, 2003)

You Go, Girl!


----------



## lickcreek (Apr 7, 2006)

Well, I think I've found my new "mantra"!! 

"I deserve a home that doesn't depress me!" 

Reminding myself of this all weekend, I didn't get a lot done, but more than I have in a long time. I got the kitchen cleaned up, found the kitchen table, hauled out more trash, cleaned the bathroom (including laundering the shower curtain!) washed, line dried and put away 4 loads of laundry, gathered all of DS's belongings and piled all in one corner and vacuumed and dusted the livingroom. 

Whenever I felt the "why bother" attitude creeping in, I kept reminding myself that "I deserve a clean kitchen", or "I deserve a clean table". I deserve a house I can clean and maintain and feel comfortable in. 

This is all new to me, as I am not one to assume I deserve anything. For the last 25 years, I have put DH's desires first, after all he makes the most money, this house was his when we got married, so I felt he had more say in it than I did. And the kids came along, and of course their needs came first. Well, after 25 years of laundry and dishes and cleaning (although not always doing it all well), I think it's time I get to have a say!!

Wow, 3 days later I'm still spouting this. Wonder how the rest of the family is going to like this?


----------



## Selena (Jun 25, 2005)

Based on my experience, I doubt they'll notice the fact you are getting rid of <stuff>. I've been picking little by little too but need to ramp up despite the rest of the household. Kids have been pretty good about going through clothes etc as I volunteer to take the stuff to Salvation Army (not too far from where I work). Spouse is ticking me off as my one of my tasks to to get some more storage bins to:
1 - get the girls items divvied up so when they move out, the bins can go with them
2 - cardboard boxes and water don't do well (in case of a broken/leaking pipe in the basement)
3 - open or poorly sealed boxes get dirt, bugs etc. 

His comment was why touch anything on the shelves he built and subsequently shoved stuff? I'm going to do it anyway and if he doesn't like it, tough noogies. I did bite by tongue when he was looking for the ice cube trays as HE is the one who put them in the Salvation Army box as "we" don't need them anymore. Same goes for the perk coffee post, he was looking for that last time we lost power. He put that in the Salvation Army box too.

Trick is to not get sidetracked/discouraged or otherwise distracted when you get home. Easier said than done sometimes.


----------



## Ninn (Oct 28, 2006)

Girl, you are on a roll!! It took me a long time to understand that I deserve a clean, cozy place to relax just as much as everyone else in my house does. The house may belong to your DH, but I bet you money he couldn't afford to pay someone to do all the things you do. Your contributions DO have financial value--in all the money he saves not having to hire a maid, a laundress, a cook, etc. I know there is a website somewhere that lists the monetary values of all the work SAHM's do. Check it out. And keep on enjoying it when you find a new space.

As for the stuff? I always tell my husband and kids "if you can tell me what you're missing, I'll tell you where it is." In 20 years, nobody could ever tell me what was gone.


----------



## lickcreek (Apr 7, 2006)

Hey Ninn, I wondered where you've been hiding! 

The problem with the stuff is, some of it isn't even ours. DH is the head DNR Hunter Ed instructor for the county, and somehow is now responsible for alot of their equipment. Most of what is now covering my kitchen table and one of the livingroom chairs is this equipment. I don't know what all of it is. He brought it all back from camp with him 4 weeks ago, dumped it all over the house and left it. We even managed to lose some springs that he was sure were in the box last year when he came home, but we looked all over and couldnt find them. I probably put them somewhere without knowing what they were. 

I go back and forth between thinking he should have found a place for them and put them away himself (which he has NEVER done, so I don't know why I would expect him to start now) and thinking that if I had the house more organized, he would have a place - or I would have a place - to put these things so they were all together. But, like I said, I don't even know what all of it is, and I don't feel like it's my responsibility to learn. After all, he wouldn't recognize all of my sewing stuff, or my canning stuff, etc. 

I catch it if I move something so he can't find it a year later, or I catch it if I never pick up and the house is trashed. Then there are the car parts that were left on the kitchen table in March, that are now on the ledge of the china cabinet (I know what it is, because I was with him when he got it) and the rifle part that he was going to put back on the gun after hunting in January, that is now taped down to my kitchen table so it is still "right where he left it".

Several months after my dad passed away, I think I went through a bout of depression. I didn't care about trying to get the house in shape. Stuff was piling all over (not just my stuff, as you can tell.) DH finally got upset and asked if he had to start taking care of the house, too. It took all I had in me not to laugh at him, as I know he would never do it. He can't even take the trash out and burn it. He can only walk by it and complain if it's overflowing or smells!!

Okay, enough bellyaching. I know complaining about what he won't/doesn't do won't solve the situation. It's going to be my responsibility, I know no one else is going to do it. I just have to bite the bullet, and find a way to take care of it so I have a comfortable home that I can keep up the way I want to. I have to do it for ME.


----------



## Ninn (Oct 28, 2006)

Go find yourself a ton of old avon boxes with the nice lids. Put all of his work related stuff that you cannot identify into those boxes and label them very clearly. Put them in HIS side of the closet!!!!! Then he cannot say he doesn't know where they are!

Put the rifle scope back in the gun cabinet. Put the car part in the trunk. Add the toolbox, so everything he needs to install the part will be there. 

Then continue to throw stuff out!!! You are making great progress. However, it does come at a price. And you have to learn to pick your battles. Don't worry about "no shoes on in the house" until you get to the place where you can see the carpet every day and get it shampooed. Don't fuss over "dishes in the dishwasher" until you train them all to get them into the kitchen. 

If DH won't burn trash, hire a neighborhood kid to do it. Then, when the kid wants to be paid, send him to DH for the money. Bet you'll only have to do that once or twice before he decides to do it himself. 

And turn off the cable or satellite tv or whatever they are all sitting in front of while you clean. You need the money for those bills and they need to be outside playing or helping you make a nice home. One way I got my kids to help with the common areas was telling them that they each had one day a week where they could bring a friend over without asking first. BUT--they had to help keep the public areas cleaned up so they wouldn't be embarrassed by a messy house. It took a while, but it worked like a charm with my kids. 

Good luck!


----------



## manygoatsnmore (Feb 12, 2005)

Boy, I like that new mantra of yours - I think I may adopt it myself.

"I deserve to live in a house I love."
"I deserve to live in a peaceful, serene environment."
"I deserve to live in a clean, neat home."

Yup, I can use those words. I think we all can. Thanks!


----------

