# When will I stop being so stupid?



## Laura Zone 5

2 months ago, a server I work with really wanted to learn how to bartend.
He has amazing work ethic, was super trainable, great with the guests....really went above and beyond.
Loved working with him.

1 month ago, he approached the owners and said he'd like to step up into a supervisors position. So they started that process, and trained him.
He was working a lot of hours for a couple of weeks between training as a supervisor, bartending and serving.

The Saturday after my daughter left for boot camp, he wanted to trade me shifts. Me close him leave early. Texted me several times asking me to take the close. I told him let me think about it and I would get back with him. Kinda got huffy and said "never mind".
Ok.

Talked with the assistant mngr and explained to her that I had a lot of emotions flowing that week....and wanted to give myself the 'out' in case I went into full blown meltdown.....and she totally understood.

I took the close for him.

TONIGHT the owners came to me and wanted to know WHICH of my shifts I wanted to GIVE to him....because he approached them saying that he wanted one of my shifts, he needed to make some money and he felt like he had earned it.

[content deleted]

I told them I did NOT want to give up ANY of my shifts, BUT they own the place, and ultimately they control the schedule, but please don't give me the night off....I will serve, wash dishes, clean toilets, whatever.
They did not take away any of my shifts, after our talk.

WHEN will I STOP believing there is good in people?:facepalm:
This fart knocker was ONLY helpful, nice, whatever, so he could get trained so he could TAKE MY SHIFTS.

I feel so stupid for believing I was helping a young man, learn a skill, and make a few extra bucks with me on the weekends....
That was not the case at all. I was just a step on his climb up the ladder.
I feel so stupid.

Ok, rant off.


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## nehimama

Did he mistake your kindness for weakness? I think he found out different!


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## Danaus29

Ask me once and I say either yes or maybe. Ask me again after I said maybe and the answer is no. Don't ask me a third time.


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## SimplerTimez

Laura Zone 5 said:


> WHEN will I STOP believing there is good in people?:facepalm:


Never. Because then you become one of them. Plenty of people out there use others with no regard. Continue to be kind and encouraging. You don't have to look at them in the mirror, they do.

~ST


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## roadless

I agree with SimplerTimez. 

I would rather hang out with you than your coworker.
You are my kinda "stupid"[:grouphug:


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## Laura Zone 5

You know, I feel even stupider this morning.
All the signs were there....subtle, but there, and I either ignored them, or made light of them.
You guys, I don't want to be this bitter old person that sneers at everyone with the eyes of distrust and disdain. 
I don't want to have to second guess every persons every action.......I don't want to walk around in a suit of armor.........
But I don't like this feeling for being 'used and burned'.

Where is that fine line? There has to be one.
Am I so pathetic that I just want to believe not everyone is like the _______ dirtbag I was married too for 24 years.....that I am TOO trusting there by leaving myself wide open?

OMG is this real life.
[Content deleted]

Really I just want to punch this kid at work, in the face and call it a day.
I am so [content deleted] lame.


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## roadless

Life is all a learning experience. 
You put yourself out there to help your coworker, instead of gratitude and connection, you got used.
Now you know about that one person . Good info to have.

Please don't beat yourself up.

Like the saying goes..... fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me!


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## simi-steading

I try to live by a couple rules... One is, if you have a problem, get rid of it... If you can't get rid of it, then don't get mad.. get even...


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## roadless

I disagree with the getting even part, it might feel good for the moment, but that isn't being the type of person I want to be.

I am finding that life will take care of the yahoos.


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## simi-steading

Some times. getting even is the only way some people get the hint..


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## roadless

To my way of thinking, I would be compromising myself.
I am not sure that he would learn anthing useful by getting even, just a desire to retilate.


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## Ardie/WI

I've met a few dozen of that type and I'd say not to bother getting even and just dismiss him from you consciousness. He no longer exists in your mind! Rise above him. Continue to be YOU. Don't change or beat ourself up for being you.

One day the little puke will get done to him what he did to you. Karma is a . Perhaps he will remember what he did to you!


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## FarmboyBill

Simi, when I come to that point. I don't get just even. I get ahead


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## Terri in WV

Okay, I have a bit of a different take on this. You're not lame, so much as passive.

You said how great he was at the job. I don't believe he used you to get your shifts, as it didn't work. He made the effort to learn from you so that he could better himself. There is no harm in that.

I think you'd be better off learning to assert yourself more at work rather than to continue to be a victim of other's desires to advance themselves.


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## Bret

Keep on the trail. Given enough rope, they will eliminate themselves from your crossings and you can see it happening from your trail.


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## Laura Zone 5

Not passive....was trying to help the kid learn a skill.
TOTALLY told bosses, NO I do NOT want to give a shift.
Make no mistake, he had the new assistant manager TAKE my shift and schedule him.....and my boss, the owner, caught it.
My boss changed the schedule BACK to the way it's supposed to be AND sat down and talked to me. HE did the right thing.

I am not a victim. Not by any means......
I was too 'trusting' and took the kid at face value, which was a facade.


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## Ardie/WI

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Not passive....was trying to help the kid learn a skill.
> TOTALLY told bosses, NO I do NOT want to give a shift.
> Make no mistake, he had the new assistant manager TAKE my shift and schedule him.....and my boss, the owner, caught it.
> My boss changed the schedule BACK to the way it's supposed to be AND sat down and talked to me. HE did the right thing.
> 
> I am not a victim. Not by any means......
> I was too 'trusting' and took the kid at face value, which was a facade.


Next time, trust your instincts! Don't question them, trust them.


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## Laura Zone 5

Ardie....I know....but I am afraid I am going to become this bitter, crotchity, always looking at folks with a hairy eye kind of person.
I don't want to be that gal....but I don't like being pooped on.
There has to be a fine line.....there has to be.
I just don't know where it is.

After all I have been thru......I thought I was keepin my cards close to my chest.
Clearly not.
I am so irritated with myself.

ETA: I super twisted off that I simply cannot catch a break.
It's been "hammer time" for so long...
I keep telling myself that some of a blacksmiths BEST work requires a lot of fire and hammering....that eventually, I will get to go in the water to 'cool off' and 'set'. 
I'm done being 'wore down to the bone'....it's making me mean. 
And I don't want to be mean.......


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## mistletoad

Laura Zone 5 said:


> ....but I am afraid I am going to become this bitter, crotchity, always looking at folks with a hairy eye kind of person.
> I don't want to be that gal....but I don't like being pooped on.
> There has to be a fine line.....there has to be.
> I just don't know where it is.


I agree with not wanting be be a bitter old crone and I think the line lies in treating all people as individuals. Not all young men are like this one. Also, I try not to assign motives to people's acts - harder than it sounds, but in this case, the only bad act you have is him trying to take a shift from you. There is no evidence that he used you up until that point, so, if it were me, I would try to assume the best about him up until that point. Also you don't know exactly what was said between him and the new assistant manager - perhaps he asked for more hours and the new assistant manager simply took a shift from you. Perhaps it didn't happen that way (you'll never know because even if you ask you can't be sure of getting honest answers), but I would prefer to look at it that way than to become a bitter old hag. If it helps, I think you have too nice of a personality to become an old hag, but it does seem to be an easy trap for people to fall into, so vigilance is justified.


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## light rain

Laura Zone 5 you do not have to become a bitter old person but you do have to evaluate carefully the people around you. As we become older we become more vulnerable and this is no new situation. In a purely animal sort of way it displays itself more openly. Chickens and cats come to mind as examples. Let a chicken get weak or a drop of blood on it or let the dominant male cat get older and it is not pretty...

A lot of the younger (and older) folks were/are just enthralled by the antics on the show "Survivor" and yet when these same attitudes get adopted by family or friends or co-workers it is not as amusing or entertaining. 

I try to view each person that is in my life as having the potential to do either good or bad. Even myself. Knowing that, I am not AS angry or surprised at the failings/selfishness of humans. Myself included again.


Use your God-given wisdom to: not smack the guy in the face, adopt ways to improve your security/advantage in your workplace or to seek a better place of employment. I'll be praying for ya.


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## Laura

Being wise as a serpent, innocent as a dove is a fine line to find and walk. 
Altruism is a myth. We do for others, volunteer for good works and all that because we get something out of it. Everybody has an agenda, self-promoters, skimmers, and those with co-dependency habits. Even those of us who are followers of Jesus Christ of the Bible need to admit we do these things out of obedience and gold stars in heaven.

How not to become bitter, burnt, dried up old prune? Just say NO to those people and their requests where it's not going to serve your positive purpose of discovering WHO Laura5 is and what her purpose in life. Put your own heart first, take care of you. Setting boundaries is not selfish. It is to protect you to give you the space to learn and grow.

Stop trying to Mom the world, it won't love you back.


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## L.A.

I've got to say,,,This sounds like the bar business.....

Your a nice person doing your best in a cut throat,,stomp on anyone for a $ business..

Your friends in this occupation are your patrons,, NOT your coworkers!!!

I'm not saying everyone in this business is this way,,,but it is a common characteristic.

As a entertainer I've spent years kinda watching from outside,,,and your experience here is a daily occurrence.

There are others like you in this business and they are a rare treasure.

Don't let them drag you into their world,,
Keep a smile, a song, and yourself,,,


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## wyld thang

Laura Zone 5 said:


> .
> 
> 
> Talked with the assistant mngr and explained to her that I had a lot of emotions flowing that week....and wanted to give myself the 'out' in case I went into full blown meltdown.....and she totally understood.
> 
> .


Will just comment on this line as a former employer...just a gentle "hey think about this in the aspect of "being" a valued employee"...it's stressful to have an employee that one must work around to avoid meltdowns, no matter how stellar they are otherwise. Business is business in the end.


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## Ardie/WI

Laura said:


> Being wise as a serpent, innocent as a dove is a fine line to find and walk.
> Altruism is a myth. We do for others, volunteer for good works and all that because we get something out of it. Everybody has an agenda, self-promoters, skimmers, and those with co-dependency habits. Even those of us who are followers of Jesus Christ of the Bible need to admit we do these things out of obedience and gold stars in heaven.
> 
> How not to become bitter, burnt, dried up old prune? Just say NO to those people and their requests where it's not going to serve your positive purpose of discovering WHO Laura5 is and what her purpose in life. Put your own heart first, take care of you. Setting boundaries is not selfish. It is to protect you to give you the space to learn and grow.
> 
> Stop trying to Mom the world, it won't love you back.


^^^^^^!


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## frogmammy

wyld thang said:


> Will just comment on this line as a former employer...just a gentle "hey think about this in the aspect of "being" a valued employee"...it's stressful to have an employee that one must work around to avoid meltdowns, no matter how stellar they are otherwise. Business is business in the end.


 
Amen! I'll always remember when I found THAT out! LOL!

Mon


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## Laura Zone 5

wyld thang said:


> Will just comment on this line as a former employer...just a gentle "hey think about this in the aspect of "being" a valued employee"...it's stressful to have an employee that one must work around to avoid meltdowns, no matter how stellar they are otherwise. Business is business in the end.


WT, I am not 'that' drama queen....:heh:
It was the week after my daughter left for boot camp....she left on a Monday. 
Tuesday night, after we were closed, and I was getting the mop to mop the bar, I couldn't figure out how to put the mop head on the mop handle.....something I have done for 30+ years. 
It almost reduced me to tears.
No one saw. No one else was effected.

My regular guests who have had their own kids join the Military complimented me on how well I was 'holding it together', as they could not tell that I was rattled at all!

It was just an 'anticipated' rough week, that never got rough.....but on the off chance it did, I didn't want to 'commit' to the close (which was Saturday) 2 days after my daughter left, just in case I needed to be off the floor.
Having a stress disorder makes one very aware of what stressors they can and cannot handle.
I just wanted to make sure I didn't take on more, than I could handle.

Trust me when I say: 
You wonderful people in ST receive the brunt of my crazy. 
I can that stuff up good and tight when I walk out of this house.
My dad always told me "never let them see you sweat".....
My boss tells me often that I am the most positive person he knows. 
So I am not the meltdown queen at work :heh:


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## Echoesechos

You've gotten some good suggestions here. All I want to say is that you won't become that bitter person because of your awareness and fortitude. Your heart was in the right place and you helped out the little puke. You have done nothing wrong, actually you might have made him a better employee when he matures more. 

Hugs to you, everyone should have a mentor. Could some of the blame be put on the new manager? Seems like they went ahead with the scheduling change without following up with you first. 

Anyhow, my comment is to go along business as usual and the next time hold back some critical training. It's what my brother used to do when he trained loader operations. LOL


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## doingitmyself

L.A. got it right, others had some good ensite as well. In my business it can get "cutthroaty" as well, I always take the high road. Not because I just roll over, but most of the "cutthroaters" are almost always "newbees" just like in your coworkers case. 

To me they are like a tornado, here for just a moment and generally make a mess of things while they are around. In the meanwhile it takes us veterans to keep things going after the blow is over. I can, therefore, i do. So should you. Good luck!!!


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## DEKE01

simi-steading said:


> Some times. getting even is the only way some people get the hint..


I've found that for the most part, I'm better off just letting go of a bunch of stuff. I have more productive, enjoyable, and profitable things to do with my time. 

However, if push comes to shove and the battle is on, I have a saying - we aren't even unless I'm ahead.


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## Ardie/WI

LauraZ5, my motto:

Poop on me once, shame on you. Poop on me twice, shame on me!

Keep one eye on that little puke!


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## willow_girl

Yup, you got stabbed in the back alright ... BIG TIME!!!

I would probably approach him (ideally, off the clock) and say something very brief and to the point, such as, "I really didn't appreciate the fact that, after I helped to train you, and covered your shift when you needed a night off, that you went to the assistant manager and tried to take one of my shifts. You didn't even have the courtesy to discuss it with me beforehand! Tsk tsk." Then turn around and walk away. Don't get loud, don't engage, don't be drawn into a conversation. Don't listen to his excuses. Just walk away and let him stew in his own juices.

Then be prepared for the fact that if he's being promoted to management, he may be your supervisor shortly, and that will probably make for a pretty long day. But at least you'll have put him on notice that you're not someone who can be pushed around without consequences.

Also, the next few times you see the owner, remember to thank him for letting you keep your schedule, and remind him how much you like your job. Don't run down your co-worker -- don't mention him at all -- just be upbeat, positive and enthusiastic. 

Perhaps now would be a good time to look into going into management yourself! Sometimes ya gotta fight fire with fire ... heh!


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## Laura Zone 5

I SWEAR by all that is good and right in this world that if I hear "IT'S NOT FAIR" ONE MORE TIME, I am going to lose my mind.

If I hear "share the wealth, spread the wealth" one more time, I may swing.

I have requested a sit down meeting with the 2 owners, and the 2 employees that are causing all the problems.....
I am going to clear the air, once and for all.

This is absolutely stupid.


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## Echoesechos

Laura Zone 5 said:


> I SWEAR by all that is good and right in this world that if I hear "IT'S NOT FAIR" ONE MORE TIME, I am going to lose my mind.
> 
> If I hear "share the wealth, spread the wealth" one more time, I may swing.
> 
> I have requested a sit down meeting with the 2 owners, and the 2 employees that are causing all the problems.....
> I am going to clear the air, once and for all.
> 
> This is absolutely stupid.


Excellent... very proactive. Maybe a little uncomfortable, but going to the horses mouth and clearing the air is a good step.


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## Laura Zone 5

I apologize for my foul language.
I was unaware that the words I used were banned words.


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## wr

The title of this thread bothers me way more than the actual situation. 

Sometimes good deeds work out and sometimes they don't but chastising yourself for doing a good deed seems like you accept at least part responsibility for someone else's actions.


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## DEKE01

wr said:


> The title of this thread bothers me way more than the actual situation.
> 
> Sometimes good deeds work out and sometimes they don't but chastising yourself for doing a good deed seems like you accept at least part responsibility for someone else's actions.


That's one way to read it. I don't want to put words in LZ5's mouth, but the way I read it is that she was taking full responsibility for how she acted. I think that is refreshing. Most people blame bad happenstances on everyone but themselves. 

âTaking personal accountability is a beautiful thing because it gives us complete control of our destinies.â
&#8213; Heather Schuck, The Working Mom Manifesto


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## wr

DEKE01 said:


> That's one way to read it. I don't want to put words in LZ5's mouth, but the way I read it is that she was taking full responsibility for how she acted. I think that is refreshing. Most people blame bad happenstances on everyone but themselves.
> 
> 
> 
> âTaking personal accountability is a beautiful thing because it gives us complete control of our destinies.â
> 
> &#8213; Heather Schuck, The Working Mom Manifesto



Sometimes we women take too much responsibility for our actions and that is all the point I was trying to make. 

She did what she was asked because she is nice and I'd hate to see her lose that because of an incident like this.


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## billooo2

A book that MIGHT be helpful is titled, 'Boundaries.' 

A 'rule' for myself........'Trust should never be given. Trust should ALWAYS be earned over time.' (I used to trust everyone...........got burned many times.)


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## mzgarden

Laura - after all you've been through, if you're not already that bitter, cynical woman you're afraid of becoming, I doubt you ever will be. Sounds to me like you were doing a good deed for someone that turned out to be a scumbag. Now it sounds to me like you're also taking the lead to confront whatever else is going on head on. Well done. 

If I were the owner and I caught my Asst Manager changing schedules to benefit one employee over another, after I had said no -- I'd be looking seriously at relieving myself of both the Asst Mgr and the employee teaming up to work against me, behind my back.


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## Laura Zone 5

Update

So I went a few days of simply not speaking to the jerk.......
Then I said to myself: "Self, that's not you. Forgive him for being stupid, and do the right thing".
So I did.
I was polite, professional, etc.....
He looks at me as says "we're cool now, right".

OMGosh.
So he thinks "yeah, I can treat her like garbage, lie on her, run her down, and she's just gonna be nice to me, whooooo hoooooo she's stupid".
Little does he realize, I lived with a monster that did this to me for 24 years.
Just because I am doing the 'right' thing, does not mean he is getting one over on me.
Stupid kid.

SO NOW, he's telling everyone how selfish and greedy I am.
Saying the other bartender is 'incompetient' (myself and the other bartender have been there since day 1).
Trying to stir up dissention in the staff.
That is back firing ..........they can't stand him and what he has become/revealed that he really is.

I will just maintain my professional behavior.
I will remain above, reproach.
AND if they steal one of my shifts and give it away?
They then will reap what they are sowing......and it ain't good!


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## Ardie/WI

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Update
> 
> So I went a few days of simply not speaking to the jerk.......
> Then I said to myself: "Self, that's not you. Forgive him for being stupid, and do the right thing".
> So I did.
> I was polite, professional, etc.....
> He looks at me as says "we're cool now, right".
> 
> OMGosh.
> So he thinks "yeah, I can treat her like garbage, lie on her, run her down, and she's just gonna be nice to me, whooooo hoooooo she's stupid".
> Little does he realize, I lived with a monster that did this to me for 24 years.
> Just because I am doing the 'right' thing, does not mean he is getting one over on me.
> Stupid kid.
> 
> SO NOW, he's telling everyone how selfish and greedy I am.
> Saying the other bartender is 'incompetient' (myself and the other bartender have been there since day 1).
> Trying to stir up dissention in the staff.
> That is back firing ..........they can't stand him and what he has become/revealed that he really is.
> 
> I will just maintain my professional behavior.
> I will remain above, reproach.
> AND if they steal one of my shifts and give it away?
> They then will reap what they are sowing......and it ain't good!


The stupid, immature little puke won't last long there! Bless his heart! LOL.


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## oneraddad

The American way is to be judged by a jury of our peers.

You old crotchety ducks forgot what it's like to be young. Sounds to me like the kid is doing the best he knows at showing the boss he's a valuable employee. He's learning the ropes and someday can only hope to be as smart as you.


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## Ardie/WI

oneraddad said:


> The American way is to be judged by a jury of our peers.
> 
> You old crotchety ducks forgot what it's like to be young. Sounds to me like the kid is doing the best he knows at showing the boss he's a valuable employee. He's learning the ropes and someday can only hope to be as smart as you.


I remember well being young. The difference is that I was taught NOT to get ahead by climbing on another person's back. I have a feeling that this young person is going to get canned and hopefully he will learn from the experience.

And, BTW, who is a duck? I am a swan, thank you very much! :happy2:


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## Oxankle

Cool it, Laura. You were not stupid, but good-hearted. The jerk is only one of millions that prowl among us. Go on your way, try to ignore the jerk, forgive him and let the anger disappear. He will get his in time--what comes around goes around, no? In the meantime you will be a little less trusting, a little more callous even if you forgive this particular jerk. The sad part of it is that you will be suspicious of the next kid that asks for your help. It can't be helped. I worked among such people, and the wife says it made me a cynic.


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## Laura Zone 5

I vacillate between "this is part of God's Plan" and "are you for real right now, did that really just happen?"

It came to a head last night, and I was on the losing end of the stick.

The little [ jerk ] has ran around, lied, made stuff up, had a temper tantrum in front of guest, and manipulated others AND PUT THE BLAME ON ME......and my boss fell for it hook line and sinker.
The punishment?
Me and the [jerk] were 'written up'.
MY Wednesday shift was taken away.
The [jerk] got my Wednesday shift.

I am still, beside myself.
He lies on me, runs me down in the dirt, HE Is the one having temper tantrums in front of guests.........
Others can CLEARLY (servers/bartenders) see what he is doing.
THEY TOO are like "WHAT".....
And I get punished?

I do the right thing.
I get pooped on.

This seems to be a reoccurring pattern in my life.

I try to focus on the "well God has a plan, maybe He has something for me to do on Wednesdays? 
Maybe He doesn't want me to get 'comfortable' here with my job/the money I make and NOT move away because I am supposed to be somewhere else.

I am numb.
I am so hurt.
I don't understand why this is happening.


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## Ardie/WI

Laura Zone 5 said:


> I vacillate between "this is part of God's Plan" and "are you for real right now, did that really just happen?"
> 
> It came to a head last night, and I was on the losing end of the stick.
> 
> The little [jerk] has ran around, lied, made stuff up, had a temper tantrum in front of guest, and manipulated others AND PUT THE BLAME ON ME......and my boss fell for it hook line and sinker.
> The punishment?
> Me and the [jerk] were 'written up'.
> MY Wednesday shift was taken away.
> The [jerk] got my Wednesday shift.
> 
> I am still, beside myself.
> He lies on me, runs me down in the dirt, HE Is the one having temper tantrums in front of guests.........
> Others can CLEARLY (servers/bartenders) see what he is doing.
> THEY TOO are like "WHAT".....
> And I get punished?
> 
> I do the right thing.
> I get pooped on.
> 
> This seems to be a reoccurring pattern in my life.
> 
> I try to focus on the "well God has a plan, maybe He has something for me to do on Wednesdays?
> Maybe He doesn't want me to get 'comfortable' here with my job/the money I make and NOT move away because I am supposed to be somewhere else.
> 
> I am numb.
> I am so hurt.
> I don't understand why this is happening.


What does the [jerk] have "on" your boss, I wonder. Is there something going on between them?

(Don't laugh. Things like that happen.) WATCH YOUR BACK!


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## Twp.Tom

That really bites Laura, Hopefully you will not have to work under such conditions much longer-I know you really like your job, but this problem with the messed up co-worker, has got to stop. Is he that valuable of an employee, that the owner, would risk losing a great employee(you)? I have given employers an 'ultimatum',if you will, that things are going to change, or I will be making money, for someone else! I know that you need your job, and you may have to 'bite the bullet', for now-but eventually, there will be light at the end of the tunnel. I have worked with a lot of 'backstabbers', and eventually, they weed their selves out. If they [cheat] you, they no doubt, have/will, be [cheating] others, it is only a matter of time before they 'self-implode'!


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## Laura Zone 5

Ardie......he's a sociopath. 
He preys on the weak, uses them to his advantage, and tosses them aside.
He's uses people like babies use diapers.
He's a charmer, a great story teller, he can cry at the drop of a hat.....
He can talk a great game.....
He can 'convince' the weak minded that they TOO are hearing what he's hearing and seeing what he's seeing.....by telling them WHAT they are hearing and seeing.

I'm impressed. He's only 26-27 and he has the sociopatic skills of a Jedi.

It's only a matter of time before I am fired.
I know that is coming now.

The bosses are young (28 and 30) and they 'hang out' with the [jerk] outside of work (play basket ball, etc).

This is a lose lose situation for me. So I will stay and make as much $$ as I can, while I can.

Yes, I DO want to ask: Why me. 
YES I DO want to know WHY, when I with a good heart and pure intentions, try to help someone or just do the right thing.......WHY do I end up hurt?

It's not a woe is me, it's an honest, legitimate question.
I simply want to understand:
Why is this happening, WHAT is my part and HOW do I STOP doing whatever I am doing to bring this on my head.

Times like these it would be nice to have someone to come home to, that would take me up in his arms, wrap me up tight and say "I gotchoo babe, I got you".......and the worries and cares of the world would melt away because for that moment, I was 'safe' in his arms.

But I don't. I have 2 JRT's that need a bath to snuggle with


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## Twp.Tom

It's not just you Laura, this sort of thing plays out, in almost every work place, throughout the world. My way to deal with these types of problems, has always been to do the 'very best, that I possibly can-because your efforts, and work ethic-is something no- one can ever take from you* I used to start out the day, saying jokingly, 'This could be my last day working here', and sure enough, one day it was. (I worked 17 years, for my last company!)


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## roadless

Laura, we have no control over what others do or don't do, only how we choose to respond to them.

I understand well the dynamic of doing the right thing and feeling dumped on. I will still choose to do the right thing. In no way does that mean I will put myself in the position to be used, but I will try to be decent to all...more discriminating in who I go the extra mile for, but still decent.

I don't want to allow anyone to mess with my integrity. 

Why people do what they do and seemly be rewarded for nasty behavior is beyond my comprehension. Ditto for how others don't or won't see it. It seems to me that those involved profit from it somehow. 

All I do know is that I stay stuck trying to figure out the behaviors of others.

It isn't until I accept the facts of the situation, not understand it but accept it, then look at the choices that I do have, and take some action towards those choices, that I am able to stop the crazy, painful futile attempt to figure out others.

I wish you well.
P.S. the Serenity Prayer really helps, there is much wisdom found in it.


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## Laura Zone 5

I am of firm belief, and freely speak this:
NO ONE is irreplaceable. 
EVERYONE can be replaced, even the owners.
The MOMENT you think you are 'so valuable' that the business would fail/be hurt without you?
That's the moment you opened the door to your own demise.

At this point, it does not matter what I do or do not do.
This kid has them believing bold faced lies now.....

The solution to all this is to open my own business.
The only one I answer too then, will be my guests.


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## Ardie/WI

Ahhhh, the boss and the little puke are buddies and, probably, they both have unresolved "mama" issues. I don't have an answer to that except to quit being a mama to the world.


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## Laura Zone 5

Ardie, I have searched deep in my soul about 'am I mothering the world'.

In one hand, 'mothering/nurturing/training' has been woven into the fabric of who I am. It is the one thing in my whole life, that I have done, done well, and am proud of.
Before being a mom, I was 'me' focused. 
I didn't crap on people and use them to get what I wanted, I just worked harder.
But I was me focused.
Honestly, it left me pretty empty so I made some bad choices to fill those holes.

I guess I don't know 'how to be' other than how I am?
Does that make sense?

On the other hand, I saw what I was doing as "job training".
Took a human that had no experience, and myself having decades of experience, tried to train that human how to perform the job.
No 'mommy' about that....it's job training.

Ardie.........deep sigh.........I want to be a caring, compassionate, loving person, but I don't want to get pooped on.
Is that even possible?

Do I need to see a shrink to unravel the unhealthy habits and thoughts that are wound in and around my brain like barbed wire?

Dear Sweet Jesus....can I please, just be normal, around normal people???
AND maybe that's what's around the corner.
Purging this house, marriage, job and moving away....
Maybe THAT place is where I am SUPPOSED to be?

ETA: Ardie, I was SO floored at the lies that my boss believed (me, boss and  had a sit in a room and listen to the boss tear MY head off session)
At one point I looked at the ceiling, because I could feel the tears coming.
My boss said "If you roll your eyes at me, I will fire you"
I said "I am looking at the ceiling".
WHEN I got a word in edgewise, my voice was cracking....I was on the verge of a meltdown.
At the end of the 'meeting' whateveryoucallit.......I apologized to my boss for ruining his evening, and just started balling.
Went to the bar to count down my drawer and could not stop crying.
One of the servers came up and was like OMG YOU are crying, what's wrong......(I DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT cry)
He was ready to go kick the douchebags donkey for making me cry.
I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE crying. I hate it.
I don't do it.
I was SO upset at the filthy lies that are being said AND BELIEVED about me....I melted down.
I don't know if I mentioned this or not, but I hate crying.
I am on the verge right now as I type this.......
This is so uncool.


----------



## roadless

It hurts, I know.
People will believe what is in their best interests to believe.
The bottom line is that YOU know who you are.

In the big picture these people are unimportant. 
You are in the process of making some exciting changes for yourself, as difficult as it can be, it may be helpful to think on that exciting adventure , and continue to do those things necessary today to help yourself get there.
:grouphug:


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## Terri

Laura, Zone 5, you might warn your co-workers if you have not had a chance to do so yet.

After he is done chewing on you, he will very likely chew on them next. Especially if they has a shift or whatever that he wants.


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## Jaclynne

Laura - I wonder if you have shared at work you're dream of a warmer climate? That may have set you up as an easy mark - could potentially be said you weren't committed to the job, you were leaving anyway, etc. 

Not making excuses for the troublemaker, they'd be trouble anyway. I've worked with the sort, one job was four very long years that I dared not let any piece of personal info drop, ever. Even then I had to brazen my way thru a made up resignation and a firing.

And to look on the brighter side of things, sometimes it takes a shakeup to get us to make a move to better things. This might be your shakeup.


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## Ardie/WI

"Ardie.........deep sigh.........I want to be a caring, compassionate, loving person, but I don't want to get pooped on.
Is that even possible?"


Why were you crying? Is it because what was being said about you...the lies hurt you in that someone thought that of you? Why would their opinion matter? You don't have to justify anyone for being you. 

I have very set boundaries in my life as to how I am to be treated. I don't give two poops what ppl think of me. Some love me, some hate me, some know I can be a female dog to the max if necessary.

Try working on your self worth some more. You've come miles and miles.


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## NoClue

LZ5,

I don't think either that you're stupid or gullible or that your co-worker was just using you. My impression is that he's young, capable, and aggressive in pursuing his goals. Most likely, he wasn't thinking of you at all as he sought to improve his position, even though it just happened to be at your expense.


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## doingitmyself

Your boss honestly said, "If you roll your eyes at me I will fire you" ? 

Ok, you need to call corporate and get HR involved. Sounds likely that your time there is limited anyways, may as well take their silly girlie rear ends out the door with you when you leave for more suitable employment.


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## Brighton

doingitmyself said:


> Your boss honestly said, "If you roll your eyes at me I will fire you" ?
> 
> Ok, you need to call corporate and get HR involved. Sounds likely that your time there is limited anyways, may as well take their silly girlie rear ends out the door with you when you leave for more suitable employment.


I don't think there is a "corporate", I think this is a family run establishment. And I had a similar thing happen to me when I waited tables, but I actually did roll my eyes and the owner flipped out (I honestly thought he was going to hit me) as he was trying to justify continuing service while the septic backed up all over the floors, so I walked out, never went back.


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## Echoesechos

Laura, I'm sooooo sorry you went thru that. Integrity or lack thereof is hard to recover from. You my dear have yours, don't lose sight of that. You took the rights steps in trying to mitigate the issues, how they handled it is on their shoulders. 

Maybe this is the time to decide on a home and move. Make something positive out of the negative. Mothering, who cares if you are. This came about from someone who does not have good work ethics, not that you mothered him. Period! My fire crews would lap up any mothering they could get and NEVER think wrongly because of it. Edited to add: they would lap it up because they place value on people and know that team work is critical to success.

HUGS.


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## Darren

You have to wonder how people like that came to be. I know some will say child development issues. I think there are people that border on evil. I've worked with some nasty individuals. Most times it could be put down to "personality" disorders. Some think nothing of lying to create chaos and hurt others.

Unfortunately you are in a no win situation with his relationship with the owners. I wish I lived nearby. Just reading about his BS  me off.


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## Laura Zone 5

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE........

I get to work last night?
My wednesday shift is gone. I am off the whole day and night.
Dirt bag, got my wed night bar shift.

AND

They took away my friday night shift, put me on friday day?
Dirt bag, got my friday night shift.

So OUR punishment for 'not being team players' was:
we both got written up
I lost two bar shifts.
HE GOT MY TWO BAR SHIFTS.

Now, maybe I am crazy but this does not look like punishment for anyone OTHER THAN ME HELLO????

I looked at my pay stub, and my sales for 2014 are 50,000.00
I am selling more than TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS A MONTH for those guys.
THAT proves I am not incompetent.

Is this real life?
On my honor, I am not making this up.

My daughter said I should write a book, because the best fiction novelist couldn't even dream this carp up.

unbelievable.


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## roadless

I am sorry this is happening to you.
Maybe this is just one more of the many things going on in your life to help you to get out of there. :runforhills:


----------



## Laura Zone 5

Ardie/WI said:


> Why were you crying? Is it because what was being said about you...the lies hurt you in that someone thought that of you? Why would their opinion matter? You don't have to justify anyone for being you.


Because I simply cannot catch a break.
I am bone weary of this non stop cycle of insanity.
I don't care what people say about me....but what he is doing is malicious and he's 'dippin' in my money, which affects my children, and THAT will get you mama bear claws, every time.
Ardie, I am tired of doing the right thing, and getting pooped on in return.
Some religions call it "Karma" some " what you put out in the universe will come back" some call it "the Golden Rule" and other call it "Sowing and Reaping".
I am simply exhausted from doing what is good and right, and getting pooped on. 
So like a 2 year old that bites, because of frustration and inability to communicate their feelings......I melted down and cried.

It scared one of the servers so bad, we went out for a beer after that shift to talk, he came in early the next day (NEVER EVER does that happen) and he stayed late (until I was done, almost 2 hours past closing time).
He's a good kid. But I think I freaked him out by showing so much emotion because THAT'S NOT my standard MO.



> I have very set boundaries in my life as to how I am to be treated. I don't give two poops what ppl think of me. Some love me, some hate me, some know I can be a female dog to the max if necessary.
> 
> Try working on your self worth some more. You've come miles and miles.


Seems like when I start to make progress in the self-confidence area, there is always someone there with a machete to slice me off at the waist.


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## Echoesechos

Is there another place you could work? Might be worth it to change. Wish it was different for you but unfortunately reality is they are letting friendships influence their business.


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## Terri

Laura, if you can copy that receipt, it might get you a better job at another place.

Or would that be bad form? I no nothing of the hiring practices of bars! I do know that every potential employer wants to know what you can do for them. In your case that would be $50,000 dollar in sales for the team the nights that you work.


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## Darren

There's more going on than the kid that's stealing your shifts. Management is out to lunch. Maybe it's chauvinistic but when it comes to waitstaff, I'm biased towards women. Especially if I have a single mother that busts her butt, I figure she's hustling to do a good job for tips meaning happy customers which is more business now and down the road.


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## WhyNot

This is the universe telling you to take the next step away from the old and into a new life. You are in my thoughts.


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## 54metalman

[/QUOTE]I am so [content deleted] lame.[/QUOTE]

You are not the lame one!!!! Please dont put yourself down like that. This world needs more of people like you then it does of jerks like him. You are smart, caring, beautiful person and have nothing to be down about. Remember carma is a..... well you know. He will get his. Smile


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## Ardie/WI

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Because I simply cannot catch a break.
> I am bone weary of this non stop cycle of insanity.
> I don't care what people say about me....but what he is doing is malicious and he's 'dippin' in my money, which affects my children, and THAT will get you mama bear claws, every time.
> Ardie, I am tired of doing the right thing, and getting pooped on in return.
> Some religions call it "Karma" some " what you put out in the universe will come back" some call it "the Golden Rule" and other call it "Sowing and Reaping".
> I am simply exhausted from doing what is good and right, and getting pooped on.
> So like a 2 year old that bites, because of frustration and inability to communicate their feelings......I melted down and cried.
> 
> It scared one of the servers so bad, we went out for a beer after that shift to talk, he came in early the next day (NEVER EVER does that happen) and he stayed late (until I was done, almost 2 hours past closing time).
> He's a good kid. But I think I freaked him out by showing so much emotion because THAT'S NOT my standard MO.
> 
> Seems like when I start to make progress in the self-confidence area, there is always someone there with a machete to slice me off at the waist.


Only if you allow them to slice you at the waist!

As for management, I think that he and the the puke have something going.


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## willow_girl

> BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE........
> 
> I get to work last night?
> My wednesday shift is gone. I am off the whole day and night.
> Dirt bag, got my wed night bar shift.
> 
> AND
> 
> They took away my friday night shift, put me on friday day?
> Dirt bag, got my friday night shift.


I'd take my pay stub to the owner -- the one that shows your sales for the year -- and tell him he either gives you your shifts back, or you're outta there. What's it gonna be, boy? Yes or no? ound:

Nobody treats me like that and gets away with it. Restaurant jobs are a dime a dozen. I once quit a place that wanted to jack with me ... went to the joint right across the street, got hired on the spot and was back to work the next day.

You're probably going to be stuck looking for another job anyway, if they cut your hours, so you might as well make a last-ditch attempt to get reinstated. But the writing's probably on the wall anyway.

Mark my words, though -- if you take this lying down, they'll continue to poop all over you, because they'll know they can get away with it. :teehee:


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## Dutchie

Laura Zone 5 said:


> It's only a matter of time before I am fired.
> I know that is coming now.


Be pro-active:

1. Start looking for another job NOW
2. File a complaint with the state against the bosses for creating a hostile work environment, which is what is happening. Fight back.


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## Darren

Going the legal route is a no win. It'll waste your time and energy that could be better spent in your move. You're better off stepping up your efforts and dragging up on them once you're ready to move. You don't owe them anything.


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## Ardie/WI

Quit being a victim. Stand up for yourself because nobody else is going to.

Start looking for another job today.


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## oneraddad

You don't need any more stress in your life, besides this job is only temporary anyway. Bite your lip and use your energy to improve your living situation instead of your job.


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## Laura Zone 5

JA and I were both 'written up' for not 'exhibiting team work' w each other.
I was punished by having my Wed shift taken away.
JA was punished by GETTING my Wed shift.

I was punished some more and had my Friday shift taken away
JA was punished more by GETTING my Friday shift.

At 10:45 pm, Thursday night, JA texts me and asks if I want to take 'the bar shift' (yeah, the one they took from me and GAVE TO HIM).
I said "I can't I picked up a serving shift for _____. "

That serving shift, was a 'closing' shift (only 2 closers at night)
I was working a double that day. Bartended by day, serve at night.

SO I am ready to get a break inbetween shifts and the manager (who is in JA's back or front, pocket) says HEY UM, you may be bartending tonight.

So here were my choices.
1. Bartend, be back on at 4pm instead of 5:30, leave the restaurant SHORT a closing server, and not 'close' (which is not good, less money).

2. Say no, and she puts the kid I am training behind the bar (who is not ready for a busy friday night) REALLY wizz off the boss that the rookie is back there and I'm on the floor, and have him crawl all up in my arce.

Lose Lose for me.
So JA just calls off, puts the whole restaurant in a bind, and then comes in the next night, like nothing happened.
MEANWHILE the boss.won't speak to ME......and chats JA up like they are best besties.:flame::flame:

They (mngmt) have made SURE to cut in on my money this week too.
Making my section smaller, giving away my tables to other servers, controlling the flow of how I am sat, etc.
I was down 250.00 last week.

SO I am off this Wednesday.
There is a place up the road that I have heard is pretty jumpin' and it's linens on the table and not really geared for kids.
Me and 2 of my kids are gonna go grab a bite to eat and check it out.
I already know their computer system, and the GM.

My daughter said yesterday after I told her about the stupidity of the weekend.....she said "MOM do not stay, it's time to go".
I need to get in the habit of "walking away from a bad situation" SOONER than later.
That's what I am going to do.

As much as I hate switching jobs, I will not tolerate this abuse.
Oy..


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## Shrek

At least service sector jobs are a sector always in demand and if your area is as ours as long as you got a pulse and most of your front teeth, the new restaurant or bar probably won't dwell too much on your past employment especially if they are advertising for hires.


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## Ardie/WI

""I need to get in the habit of "walking away from a bad situation" SOONER than later.
That's what I am going to do.""


GOOD FOR YOU! GO FOR IT!!


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## Bret

You own all of the stock in "You, Inc.". As the CEO, you get to decide who gets to handle your assets and attributes. If they are the wrong ones, put new ones in place. You will wonder why you didn't do it sooner.


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## fffarmergirl

Laura, I am feeling EXACTLY the way you describe yourself as feeling and I worry about the same things. I don't want to turn into a hard-hearted, jaded person. I don't want to turn into the people who are hurting other people so badly, but that sure would be easy to do. I also feel stupid - stupid, stupid, stupid for trusting people.

We got some new management at work and I was idiotic enough to believe that they might have good hearts and care about people, care about making the company a better place and cutting down on our unbelievably high turnover. I was dumb enough to hope they would value the effort and the courage it took me to go to them. One of the new managers is a young veteran, was a cop for a while, was actually a preacher for a while. I thought "maybe, just MAYBE - he has a good heart and some morals." So I went way out on a limb and asked for a meeting to discuss the incessant bullying and hazing of new employees, told him the stories about why several people quit without giving notice.

What did I get for my efforts? Skepticism and a patronizing attitude.

I give up. I just need to learn to keep my mouth shut and my nose to the grindstone and turn a blind eye to mistreatment because I can't do anything about it anyway. I feel so unbelievably humiliated for thinking for one moment that anybody would care what I think, or see me as anything other than disposable.

Why are people the way they are? Since it seems the majority of people are dishonest and mean, I guess they just assume I'm dishonest and mean too. 

Why am I stupid enough to give people the benefit of the doubt and treat them as if they are good and honest, opening myself up for hurt and disappointment? All that has earned me is heart break after heart break - in relationships out of work as well as at work.

I find myself beating myself up all the time, too - everybody else is beating me up and I can't beat them so I guess I might as well join them LOL. I'm constantly asking "what's wrong with me? Why am I so stupid? 

Why do I arm people with the ability to hurt me?" But I know why, deep down. I arm them so I can see if they will take the opportunity I present them to hurt me. I learn about people's characters very quickly that way. I very quickly learn who I can trust and who I can't, by allowing people to beat me down.

There are very few people who haven't taken the opportunity and run with it. I'd trust them to the ends of this earth and I will be loyal to them for eternity. The rest can go you know where.


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## Laura

It is perfectly acceptable to pick up shifts at other establishments, and it also perfectly acceptable to invite your loyal clientele to join you on those nights. If you're a fast fun server, people say, "Barb's working at the Roadhouse, let's go shoot some pool." This shows up in the receipts for your boss. 

You take full control of your reputation with customers and employers. You are the responsible one for directing your life.

I'm posting from experience as an employer and an employee in this business. I've had the task of identifying the short timer, riding out short timers, and knowing when to move on.

The only way we can tell there's a problem is through the receipts. The only way to detect who the problem is, changing dynamics by switching shifts around. The person exposing negative emotions is top suspect. Depending on eye witness reports can be iffy, you and I know how subtle stuff can be.

It seems your owners are inexperienced at this and broke rule #1. Don't hire friends or have personal relationships with staff. This will 100% bite them in the butt. You think your little back stabbing twerp screwed you over? Wait for it.....3-2-1.

Beware when shifts are being dropped, hours cut. Employers do this so you quit and they don't pay unemployment benefits. 

Your time will also be cut when you have personal issues causing high emotions. It's an absolute requirement you remain festive through your shifts. When I returned to work after my baby died, it was a big deal to make sure I was ready. I was only given 15 hours of floor time a week until my bosses were satisfied I was ready to take on my prime shifts again. I understood. We had a good relationship riding through a lot of trust building bs.


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## Laura Zone 5

fffarmergirl said:


> .What did I get for my efforts? Skepticism and a patronizing attitude.
> 
> I give up. I just need to learn to keep my mouth shut and my nose to the grindstone and turn a blind eye to mistreatment because I can't do anything about it anyway. I feel so unbelievably humiliated for thinking for one moment that anybody would care what I think, or see me as anything other than disposable.
> 
> Why are people the way they are? Since it seems the majority of people are dishonest and mean, I guess they just assume I'm dishonest and mean too.
> 
> Why am I stupid enough to give people the benefit of the doubt and treat them as if they are good and honest, opening myself up for hurt and disappointment? All that has earned me is heart break after heart break - in relationships out of work as well as at work.
> 
> I find myself beating myself up all the time, too - everybody else is beating me up and I can't beat them so I guess I might as well join them LOL. I'm constantly asking "what's wrong with me? Why am I so stupid?
> 
> Why do I arm people with the ability to hurt me?" But I know why, deep down. I arm them so I can see if they will take the opportunity I present them to hurt me. I learn about people's characters very quickly that way. I very quickly learn who I can trust and who I can't, by allowing people to beat me down.
> 
> There are very few people who haven't taken the opportunity and run with it. I'd trust them to the ends of this earth and I will be loyal to them for eternity. The rest can go you know where.


You have expressed how I feel.
So.......
I am just going to open my own place when I move.
I have had it dealing with imbecile behavior.
I am tired of clenching my butt cheeks hours before my shift starts, and throughout my whole shift.

This is SUCH a horrible time in my life to find a new job.......but I MUST get in the habit of not putting up with abuse EVEN if it's a pain in my butt to make adjustments.
I have to stop making / living in excuses, and JUST DO IT.

Tomorrow I am going out to dinner at a place I have my eye on.
I have a gf who's dh is the GM of a bar/restaurant in a town 35 min from me. I could have a job there today if I wanted.
I was offered a job at the bar I was sitting at, cussing, crying, and losing my mind about where I currently work......so there's that.
The draw back with those two places is this: They are 3 am joints. Getting home at 4:30 am at my age is more than a 'stretch'.......
BUT
It's nice to know that I DO have a couple of plan 'b's'.


----------



## tambo

I envy your job skills. You are marketable anywhere you go. I on the other hand am not. I have worked in factories pretty much my whole life. You could get a job anywhere you want to go and survive. That's more than I can say. My sister lives in Gulf Shores. She would like for me to move there. If I had your skills I would but as it is I'm not sure I could find a job there. Life is to short for all you are going through. Take control of you life and have some fun for a change!! Today you are as young as you will ever be!!


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## Terri

LZ5, how long before you start your new place?

Because delays happen, and if you stay too long it will reduce the money you have to start with. I have never yet met a business owner who said they had too much money when they started! And having your income reduced by $250 a week is $12,000 a year. 

That does not matter much if you intend to jump into business in a few weeks time. Though, if you are thinking of starting your business in several months time it would add up.


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## Ardie/WI

Laura Zone 5 said:


> You have expressed how I feel.
> So.......
> I am just going to open my own place when I move.
> I have had it dealing with imbecile behavior.
> I am tired of clenching my butt cheeks hours before my shift starts, and throughout my whole shift.
> 
> This is SUCH a horrible time in my life to find a new job.......but I MUST get in the habit of not putting up with abuse EVEN if it's a pain in my butt to make adjustments.
> I have to stop making / living in excuses, and JUST DO IT.
> 
> Tomorrow I am going out to dinner at a place I have my eye on.
> I have a gf who's dh is the GM of a bar/restaurant in a town 35 min from me. I could have a job there today if I wanted.
> I was offered a job at the bar I was sitting at, cussing, crying, and losing my mind about where I currently work......so there's that.
> The draw back with those two places is this: They are 3 am joints. Getting home at 4:30 am at my age is more than a 'stretch'.......
> BUT
> It's nice to know that I DO have a couple of plan 'b's'.


I repeat...GO FOR IT! Get outa that place! About the 4:30AM thing, it's doable. You just have to learn to sleep differently and you must may have to do that when you are in your own place anyway!


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## Laura Zone 5

April 9- May 25th....about 6 weeks.

Mr. Not So Nice, put in his 2 weeks notice yesterday.....
He's going to be an Assistant Manager down the street at another restaurant.

Praise the Lord.

I hope this young man learns from his mistakes, makes the adjustments needed to be a better person / manager, and that he is successful.

SO many people at my work place are SO relieved he is leaving.
I do hope that my bosses eyes are now open to see the 'truth' of the matter.


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## oneraddad

I still just see a young man that wants to better himself.


----------



## Ardie/WI

oneraddad said:


> I still just see a young man that wants to better himself.



If I posted what I see, I'd get banned!


----------



## oneraddad

Well be true to yourself.... I've seen you call people names often, I'm thick skinned, call me what you like. This kid deserves to be judged by a juror of his peers, not a bunch of old ladies. You all forgot what it's like to be young and wanting to show the world all that you know.


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## willow_girl

> I still just see a young man that wants to better himself.


:umno:

There are ways to better yourself without stepping on the heads of the people who are trying to help you up the ladder.

For instance, he could have taken the skills Laura taught him and used them to apply for a better job elsewhere from the outset (if there was no room to advance where he was) rather than trying to steal her shifts. I doubt she was the only person he attempted to mess with, either.


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## oneraddad

He's young and will make mistakes... Remember we weren't as smart as we thought we were at that age either. But it's natural what he's doing


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## Terri

It is also natural for his elders to cover their backs. 

In time he may learn better but his elders are already sadder but wiser.


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## Laura

> Mr. Not So Nice, put in his 2 weeks notice yesterday.....
> He's going to be an Assistant Manager down the street at another restaurant


3-2-1 I told you so.


If your bosses were smart, they would've upped the termination to end of shift. At least to one week with him taking breakfast busboy shifts and having no access to anything he could steal, including the customers. He's going to take everything he can, destroy stuff that may have not show for months. He needs to be locked out of the office, kept away from the money and kept away from the supply room and freezer.

I don't think your bosses are that smart. Offer them sound advice?

When the BS hits the flat rock, stay out of the splatter zone.


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## Ardie/WI

oneraddad said:


> Well be true to yourself.... I've seen you call people names often, I'm thick skinned, call me what you like. This kid deserves to be judged by a juror of his peers, not a bunch of old ladies. You all forgot what it's like to be young and wanting to show the world all that you know.


'

Well aren't you a ray of sunshine and joy on this fine day!

(That's sarcasm, in case you didn't catch ht!).


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## light rain

I have been put on a roster for jury duty. I'll let all of you good folks know whether they say I can only serve IF I'm a certain age. 

Oneradad, if one of your children gets treated unethically, or is taken advantage of in a business or relationship, do you think your attitude will remain the same?


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## Convoy

A little late to this thread but glad it turned out okay for you . Been going through kinda the same thing at my work lately with my manager AGAIN (it seems to be recurring). The flip side is I documented all the inappropriate and sometimes illegal comments etc so I was ready for it and brought it to my general manager (I had enough to sue for harassment). Some people will just piss on you if you let them, though I'm thinking my manager just ain't that bright since my sister's a labour and employment lawyer and he knows it....
Lets just say after the general manager was through with him he must have had personality transplant by how nice he was to me. 

Meh I was thinking about changing careers anyways and this was just another reason to make it sooner rather than later.


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## Dutchie

oneraddad said:


> Well be true to yourself.... I've seen you call people names often, I'm thick skinned, call me what you like. This kid deserves to be judged by a juror of his peers, not a bunch of old ladies. You all forgot what it's like to be young and wanting to show the world all that you know.


You don't try and better yourself by backstabbing others.

And I think you owe Ardie an apology.


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## Dutchie

oneraddad said:


> He's young and will make mistakes... Remember we weren't as smart as we thought we were at that age either. But it's natural what he's doing


If backstabbing is natural for this person there us something very wrong with him.


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## oneraddad

Why would I apologize, I meant what I said and it's how I feel. You only apologize when you're sorry and promise not to repeat yourself. 

I think it's great the kid has hustle and is always trying to better himself. He could be sitting at parents house without a job or collecting disability, but instead he's trying his best to put food on his table.


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## Terri

oneraddad said:


> I think it's great the kid has hustle and is always trying to better himself. He could be sitting at parents house without a job or collecting disability, but instead he's trying his best to put food on his table.


It is not so great that he will have to really scrape for his next mentor. His mistake was a pretty bad one.


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## oneraddad

It's a JOB, not fun and games, you're there to get paid. 


I will crush you at work to get to the top, that's why I have always succeeded at what ever I put my mind to. I planned to be the King of the Mountain and I am.


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## newfieannie

so what's it like being king of that mountain? ever venture down amongst the lowly folk? ~Georgia.


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## Terri

oneraddad said:


> It's a JOB, not fun and games, you're there to get paid.
> 
> 
> I will crush you at work to get to the top, that's why I have always succeeded at what ever I put my mind to. I planned to be the King of the Mountain and I am.


In the places where I used to work, I noticed that the folk who DID reach the top paid back the favors that they owed, and therefore had help as they went up the ladder. The folks who crushed people usually stalled out at middle management, as nobody gave them the information and/or cooperation that they needed to go higher.


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## Ardie/WI

Terri said:


> In the places where I used to work, I noticed that the folk who DID reach the top paid back the favors that they owed, and therefore had help as they went up the ladder. The folks who crushed people usually stalled out at middle management, as nobody gave them the information and/or cooperation that they needed to go higher.


"What goes around, comes around!".

I've seen it time after time where a fairly intelligent person wants to climb the ladder. Instead of doing fairly and with honesty, they take a short cut and become a "big shot"! Like you said, they stall out because of the short cuts. Oh well!


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## willow_girl

> I will crush you at work to get to the top, that's why I have always succeeded at what ever I put my mind to. I planned to be the King of the Mountain and I am.


Looking back on my career, one of the things that gives me the most satisfaction is the thought that perhaps I helped some others in their journey. For instance, at least two of the reporters who worked under me went on to become editors as well. 

I feel I never lost anything by trying to do the right thing and do right by others. Your mileage, of course, may vary ... :shrug:


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## DEKE01

oneraddad said:


> Why would I apologize, I meant what I said and it's how I feel. You only apologize when you're sorry and promise not to repeat yourself.
> 
> I think it's great the kid has hustle and is always trying to better himself. He could be sitting at parents house without a job or collecting disability, but instead he's trying his best to put food on his table.


A guy robbing a 7 - 11 might be trying his best to food on his table. Are you going to equally admire him? Ethics and morality have to be a part of the equation.


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## oneraddad

I taught a young man my job at the State and he helped me build my house. I bet the owners of the restaurant gave the kid a recommendation just as I did for my friend.


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## oneraddad

DEKE01 said:


> A guy robbing a 7 - 11 might be trying his best to food on his table. Are you going to equally admire him? Ethics and morality have to be a part of the equation.



Now that's just stupid.


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## Laura Zone 5

They didn't. They were blindsided when he turned in his two week notice.
They had no idea he was looking.....
But when the owners DEMOTED him 2 weeks ago for being a very poor leader, they should have known.


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## Convoy

oneraddad said:


> It's a JOB, not fun and games, you're there to get paid.
> 
> 
> I will crush you at work to get to the top, that's why I have always succeeded at what ever I put my mind to. I planned to be the King of the Mountain and I am.


 Hate to tell you I've worked with guys like you and they always ended up tying their own noose for their hanging sooner or later.


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## tambo

I had a coworker tell me I should step on/over whomever I had to to get where I wanted to go with my job. I told him if my work ethic didn't get me where I wanted to go, I would never get anywhere then. Hard work has got me where I've wanted to be every time.


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## DEKE01

oneraddad said:


> Now that's just stupid.


Agreed. And that was my point. Admiring someone for acting unethically just to get his way should be described in equally disparaging words.


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## L.A.

I've always went straight to the top, and never stomped, stepped, or anything else to anyone,,,,I just got good and kept improving.

Now if I can,,,anyone can,,,

You simply do not abuse fellow people,,,,ever!!!


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## Dutchie

oneraddad said:


> Why would I apologize, I meant what I said and it's how I feel.


For the snotty way you referred to her


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## Twp.Tom

I always have let my work ethic, and integrity, speak for itself. I learned long ago, that it did not really matter if my co-workers,or my boss liked me-my work reputation was something that no one could take from me (or 'give' to me). This boy, is what is commonly referred to, as a 'back stabber'-eventually, it will catch up with him. I have never had to trample, or stab anyone, to achieve success at my work. Teamwork*, not back stabbing, will get the job done*. You are a 'hard worker' Laura, And I am sure you will thrive, in what ever you decide to do*, good luck in your future endeavors.


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## notwyse

A job should not be so much of your life that the day to day nuances shake you to the core. Sorry this did. I hope something blooms out of work hours to put this in perspective. Work is work. Unless you work alone there are so many variables that you will never control. Even if you own your business. Consider it a monopoly game.


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## Terri

Laura Zone 5 said:


> They didn't. They were blindsided when he turned in his two week notice.
> They had no idea he was looking.....
> But when the owners DEMOTED him 2 weeks ago for being a very poor leader, they should have known.


It sounds like your boss's understood a bit more than you said! Which is good, as nobody cares to work under a totally clueless boss.


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## light rain

The bosses showed poor judgment with this young guy. Be prepared for the next yahoo to come in the door. There will be a next... Have a plan. :nanner:


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## AngelinMaine

Can t be any worse then me. Asked a guy at work to movie we went Dutch. And the ending was we talked and both wanted a second real date. I ve called him to get " gotta goes" to call you back. Nothing not once. To find out his last place of employment they called him a timeing something not so polite. Sigh I m a fool. First time out since D day. And last.


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## SunsetSonata

oneraddad said:


> I will crush you at work to get to the top, that's why I have always succeeded at what ever I put my mind to. I planned to be the King of the Mountain and I am.


All the money and power in the world mean nothing without Character.

Can't really respect someone who thinks it's admirable to disrespect good people, especially in such a serious way.

This attitude is a prime example of one of many things wrong with this world.


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## BadFordRanger

SimplerTimez said:


> Never. Because then you become one of them. Plenty of people out there use others with no regard. Continue to be kind and encouraging. You don't have to look at them in the mirror, they do.
> 
> ~ST


Yea, but they are proud of what they see in that mirror! 

I never had that problem because to get as good as I am in all types of construction that I can do, takes a long time to learn, and after a half century, I'm still learning! 
I can teach them all I can and for the most part, they are still dumb when they leave me, but one think that I do teach them all that it seems they all did learn, was how to learn and they are all, again, for the most part, like me, in that they too are still learning and loving it! 

Ranger


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## oneraddad

I stalled out in middle management.... But, created a great life for me and my family.

I retired at 48, haven't worked a job in over 8 years, make more than I spend and have a deed to a mountain. I raised my kids on my own, defended our country and spend 2-3 days a week with my Grandkids. So your opinion of me means squat.


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## Laura Zone 5

Update

Mother's Day, things came to a head.
I was NOT at work this particular Sunday.
This 'young man' was serving, and when it was time for to leave, he refused to do his side work. 
A female co worker called him out, and this became a very LOUD heated discussion.
He was allowed to leave, and she was 'pulled into the office to be talked too'.
At the end of that discussion, she quit.
The owner then goes to the other servers to ask what happened.
One young man told the owner just how 'uncool' Mr. Man is to everyone, and no one likes him because he is such a flaming jerk.
This is a server who is a very keep to themselves kinda guy.
So the owner inquired another server, who didn't want to speak because she said "I need this job".......but did manage to tell the owner what a jerk Mr. Man really is.

Monday morning, they demoted Mr. Man from supervisor, back to server/bartender.

He took a job literally down the street (less than a mile) as an assistant manager.
1 of his last 2 weeks, I was in GA so I didn't have to see him all week.
When I came home, the bar was disgusting.
The last week he worked, he made it a point to tell every guest in the building that he was leaving and where he was going.(bad mouthing the owners and staff)
He 'offered' a job to servers "he likes".(who DO NOT like him...but he is trying to take the top 'sellers' out of the blding to screw the owners)
We are pretty sure he took 3 kitchen people with him (not a loss at all)

This week has been a DELIGHT.
EVERYONE, including the owner, is in SUCH a better mood. 
Things are getting back to normal....it's so nice.

I am about 90% sure one of the owners clearly sees what a tool Mr. Man was, and what a better place his restaurant is without him.
I am so thankful that things are going back to 'normal' and it's not 'awkward'.


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## Bret

oneraddad said:


> I stalled out in middle management.... But, created a great life for me and my family.
> 
> I retired at 48, haven't worked a job in over 8 years, make more than I spend and have a deed to a mountain. I raised my kids on my own, defended our country and spend 2-3 days a week with my Grandkids. So your opinion of me means squat.


 Good work.


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## Darren

The sad thing is it took the events it did for the owners to finally realize what was going on. Do they understand how they were played? If they knew what they were doing, none of that should have happened.


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## Laura

The important thing, did anyone learn anything? 

You, don't train anyone unless you understand you are training your replacement, and insist on being paid extra for training.

The owners, did they learn anything? I hope so. They made some dumb moves. I bet the jerk made off with house specialty recipes.


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## Laura Zone 5

So last night about 9:20 Mr. Man and his woman come in, sit down at a table.
(We close at 10pm)
On the other side of the bar sits his 2 'closest' friends in the restaurant. 
"M", the assistant manager.
"K" the kitchen manager.
My boss was in back.

They didn't get up and say "hi" to Mr. Man. 
No one, went to say hi to Mr. Man because they ALL finally figured out what his game was.....and they didn't like looking foolish because they were played like a violin. 
M and K were Mr. Man's "BFF's".
He hung out with them, texted with them, when squeeling to them telling his lies to them....and he had them believing he was their "friend".

I have 1 guest at the bar and 1 couple at a bar table eating.

Mr. Man gets up....walks to my register to pay me (and where M and K are)...he starts in on how K didn't return this text bla bla bla.
K explains he was at work....
And M says "well you haven't texted me once".....
Then Mr. Man starts laying into K...calling him a cleansing feminine product, all loud and stupid.....then hollers across the bar to his woman that they are leaving and getting a drink elsewhere....

His bill was 14.75, he handed me a 20.00 and told me to keep it.
Yeah, ok.

So I told my boss what happened.
He texted Mr. Man and told him he was not allowed in the building EVER again....
And about 10 min after that, my boss, apologized to me about the whole mess this kid caused. 
Confessed that he was 'taken advantage of'....and 'believed lies'....and said he was sorry.
I almost passed, out.

Deep inside, (the boss I worked with last night is my favorite AND the one that tore my head off based on Mr. Man's lies).....I knew he would see and I knew he would apologize. 
I am so glad he sees. 
See post 124.
The apology was just a bonus! 
But I am encouraged that I was "reading" him correctly...my mojo is coming back!!

So Mr. Man is now banned from our restaurant.
He went from a rising star, to banned, in a months time.
But my boss 'sees' the lies.....Thank you Jesus!!


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