# An attractive woman and a pretty smile



## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Dance last Saturday. We don't usually go to the Sr. Center, but they had a Valentine dance. We showed up, found a table with six women and a man already there. One of the women was Asian, late fifties or early sixties, well dressed, attractive. 

We sat down and introduced ourselves; I glanced around the table as the introductions proceeded and met the eye of the Asian lady. Our eyes locked, the hair on my neck stood up. Her smile was the one sailors recognize instinctively. C-4 with a short fuse. 

I hope she finds a young and healthy man.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

JUST KIDDING WHEN I SAY, Young and healthy man here LOL Army men recognize those come hither smiles also lol


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

She was a dandy, Bill, and obviously lonely. When you see a crowd of a hundred or more women and twenty or thirty men you suspect there is a shortage of some kind.

Barb tells me that she was in Germany on a tour in the late 70's and attended a dance where the women told her all their husbands had died in WWII and they were left to dance with each other.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

They usta have a Firemans Ball in St Joe Mo in the mid 60s when I went with my GF. Saw a few old/odd couple women dancing with each other. I doubt anybody thought a thing about it.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Likely not near as much as they would have thought about seeing 2 men dancing with each other lol


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

so Ox my husband was a sailor. all of them as a matter of fact but i never heard that expression before. a c-4 with a short fuse. Andrew was in WW2 so he should have known it. i did hear a few things from him but not that. ~Georgia.


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## po boy (Jul 12, 2010)

Oxankle said:


> She was a dandy, Bill, and obviously lonely. When you see a crowd of a* hundred or more women and twenty or thirty men* you suspect there is a shortage of some kind.
> 
> Barb tells me that she was in Germany on a tour in the late 70's and attended a dance where the women told her all their husbands had died in WWII and they were left to dance with each other.


When is the next dance..??


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## bigjon (Oct 2, 2013)

i'm in,ROADTRIP!


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## qtkitty (Apr 17, 2005)

Lol those women better look out when the single homesteading men show up!


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

LOL, Guys; most of these women run from late fifties to 80-odd years. No juveniles need show up.


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## pancho (Oct 23, 2006)

Something to look forward to when I am in the rest home.


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## bigjon (Oct 2, 2013)

but I am late fiftys....


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

you'd be surprised what there is to look forward to in some of those rest homes. they likely have more fun than most of us. I know the one just down the street they have dances several times a week. 5 or 6 women to 1 man. from what I've seen I think they share and share alike. I hear some stuff from them just taking the ones around who don't drive . I wouldn't fit in too well .for one thing I don't dance and have no intention of learning. ~Georgia.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

LOL, Georgia. "Share and Share alike" reminds me of the story of the fellow in the nurshing home who was courting this lady. Things were getting hot and heavy when he just stopped calling on her. She went looking for him and found him down by the pool in a steamy embrace with another of the residents. 

Angered, she stood up to her full 5' 2'' and shouted "What does she have that I don't have!? 

The answer was a meek "Parkinsons".


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

my god that's funny! I never heard that one before. I did hear about the guy who said to his wife. oh, did I hurt you? she said "no, why? and he said "well, because you moved" my love told me that one many years ago. i'll likely get in trouble for that here. ~Georgia.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Georgia; You reminded me of the doctor who asked the lady "Are you xxxually active?" and the lady replied "No, I just mostly lies there."


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

Doctor to elderly patient: "And how long have you been bedridden?"
Patient: "Oh, not since 1979. That's when my husband passed away ..."


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

We're gonna get spanked.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

AND Ill likely get blamed lol


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

As always we are watching from the sidelines. As long as most here have been hanging around this board everybody pretty well knows what posted content is allowed by the site.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

Those jokes were, like, older than Oxankle! ound:


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Willow, the jokes we learn in third grade are always the ones we remember best.

Didja hear the one about the little Suthron girl who ran up on the gallery where her Mama was sipping her tea and asked "Mama, mama, how old does a girl have to be to get pregnant? Mama says "Oh, I don't know, maybe thirteen or so". 

Little girl runs back down the steps and says, "Ok boys, under the porch; same game as yesterday".


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

LOL Or the one where the 2 deep southern old ladies were going to get their picture taken. The photographer sat them down then went behind his camera, pulled the cover over him, then went to the front and did adjustments on the lens. After awhile opf this the one old lady said, What does he keep doing? The other says why honey chile, hes jus tryin to focus. The first says, WHAT, (You may know or guess the rest) lol


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

I was ages trying to get that one Bill! well you know what they say about Newfoundlanders. half an hour behind everybody else. ~Georgia.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

yeah, Theres so many newflounderers in Okla that everybody knows about them LOL


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## fordy (Sep 13, 2003)

...............The nurse comes in exactly @10pm and gives the kid's grandpa his nightly Viagra pill ! The kid leaves with the nurse and asks her what was that Pill for ? Oh , that's to keep all the old men from rolling out of bed at night . , fordy


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

I wonder if I could get away with telling my favorite joke here ... ?

It's the one that starts with two ladies walking home from the pub and deciding to take a tinkle in the cemetery ...


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Fordy
!!!! 

I almost fell out of this chair on that one!!! Gotta repeat that today.

Willow, I don't know the punch line on that one.

We should start numbering these so that we can repeat them here.
Ox


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

Well, let's see if I can get away with it! I'm sure Shrek will remove it if it exceeds the boundaries, but really it's not a very dirty joke. 

OK, so two ladies are walking home from the neighborhood tavern late one night and decide that they need to tinkle, so they duck off into the cemetery. One lady takes off her panties and uses them for T.P., while the other uses part of a funeral wreath. 

The next night, their husbands are drinking in the same pub, and one says to the other, "Ya know, I think my wife is cheating on me."

"No!" says the other. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, last night she told me she was going out with your wife, but she came home with no panties on."

"You think THAT'S bad?" his friend replied. "Mine came home with a card in her  that said, 'We'll never forget you. From all the boys down at the fire hall'!"


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

we're going to be banned shortly. being a goodie goodie I'm sticking to the real mild ones.
Q: why is it called a Wonder Bra?
A: when she takes it off you wonder where her ---- went


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

willow_girl said:


> I wonder if I could get away with telling my favorite joke here ... ?
> 
> It's the one that starts with two ladies walking home from the pub and deciding to take a tinkle in the cemetery ...


 Only if it is G, occasionally PG rated. If jokes are over G rated its better to post them on the PBST side of Singletree to be safe.

If y'all see this thread go deleted you can be sure some exceeded the limit allowed by HT and Terri and I were notified.

I'm back off to the sideline now.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

And then there is the old hairy dog story about the fellow on his first day in prison.

Seated in the dining hall and someone down the table shouts "14!!!" Every one just shouts in laughter. Someone else shouts "28!!!" and peals of laughter ring out again. 

The new guy turns to the old fellow sitting next to him and asks what's going on. The old timer says "We've told these jokes so long everyone knows them and we just gave them numbers"

Guy thinks it over and next day he shouts "56!" Everyone turns and looks at him. Dead silence. Puzzled, the new guy looks at the old timer who shrugs and says "Some people just can't tell a joke."


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

A Hairy Dog Story

A neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found the problem was hair in its ears and cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet told the lady if she wanted to keep this from re-occurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub some in the dog's ears once a month.

The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair" hair remover. At the register the druggist tells her "If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days." 

The lady says "I'm not using it under my arms." 

The druggist says "If you're using it on your legs don't shave after using it for a couple of days."

The lady says "I'm not using it on my legs either and if you must know I'm using it on my schnauzer."

The druggist shrugs and says "Stay off your bicycle for a week"


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

stop it Ox! killin me to laugh. I must have pulled something when I was spreading salt. ~Georgia


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

This one is Really OLD

Traveling salesman stops at a farmers house late one evening. Asks to put up for the night. Farmer says OK so the farmer shows him into the house to have supper. During supper, he sees DD winking at him across the table. After supper the farmer says youll have to sleep with my DD, but I wont stand no messin around sos im a gonna put up a wire screen between you. Farmer does, and all go to bed. Well, Bills nature couldn't be helped and so, sure nuff he gets the job done. 10yrs later, hes in the neighboring town again and sees the ugliest kid hes ever seen. He walks by several times taking a closer look at him each time. Finally he cant help himself any longer so he asks the kid why hes so ugly. Kid says, (What do you think you would look like if you had been sived through a wire screen.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

I got to go and strap on a back support so I can laugh out loud. ~Georgia


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Geez; I thought I sent this one earlier;

There was this little old lady who called the police and said to send out a squad car, her young and voluptuous neighbor was disturbing the peace by sun bathing stark naked in her back yard. 

Policeman comes out, takes a look around and says "Ma'am, there's a six-foot fence around her yard, no one can see her!"

Little old lady says "If you stand over here on this box you can."

PS: That story really is from third grade. Today no one thinks about going nude and if they do there are telephoto lenses, drones, airplanes and high rises. If the govt. can read license plates from satellites they can spot tattoos just as easily.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

The way I heard that was, My husband saw her fine standing on that box over there till he fell off.


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## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

That about made me snort- my tats are pretty distinctive, and my new place is pretty isolated. Bring it on, government, take all the pics you want; my file could probably use a little sprucing up


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

LOL, Barefoot, give us your coordinates. We'll send them on to Homeland Security and tell them you're a suspicious character. Probably own a couple of guns and some explosive that could be disguised as chewing gum.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

(Probably own a couple guns and some explosive that you can chaw on) Don't put the guns inna yer bra lol


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