# Online Datine Profiles: Red Flags?



## Laura Zone 5

For men, when you read a females profile, tell me what a 'red flag' looks like to you? 
What makes you go "oh heck no" and pass on contacting or responding to that female?


For women, when you read a mans profile, tell me what a 'red flag' looks like to you?
What makes you go "oh heck no" and pass on contacting or responding to that male?


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## Darren

For me it was when the age was disparate when they contacted me. Twenty and thirty year old women don't need to be in a relationship with someone who could be their grandfather. Anyone whose picture was also on a Russian site was also a no go. I reported quite a few of those.

Other women seemed to have a need for constant entertainment. Any picture of them in a casino was a red flag. That's not my idea of quality time. To a lesser extent, a fixation on horses wasn't exactly a red flag, but it was curious. If that was only one of many activities, OK. If that was their life, I passed.

Ocean cruises were another possible red flag. I was in the Navy. It wasn't a vacation, I've seen enough blue water and been through the heavy weather. Lots of cruises, nope!

Beach, beach, beach, beach, beach and did I forget beach? babes were another. If they gave equal billing to mountains, OK. But beach, beach, beach, beach was an issue.

Drinking was a possible issue. Sitting around at the beach or near the beach drinking was a red flag. All of the pictures taken in a bar, probably not interested.

Cigarette in hand was a potential red flag. Not sure what the difference is between a social smoker and a regular smoker.

Activity level was another. If they spent lots of time worshiping the tube or otherwise not being able to engage in outdoor activity, I passed.

Education was not necessarily a deal breaker. 

Liberalism maybe a red flag. It depended on other factors.

Gushing about global warming, I don't need that craziness up close and personal. No thanks.

Those into nature, walking, hiking, gardening, kayaking, etc. got a closer look. 

Being concerned about the environment without being BS crazy was a plus. Rational tree hugging was a big plus.

Volunteering was another possible plus. That depended on the organization.


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## FarmboyBill

I didn't even go into their profiles if
They had no pic
They had a pic or no profile, no matter how good she looked
IF they were full in the face OR were hefty heffers lol
If their pic had them wearing cowboy hats or western wear shirts
If their pic was of something other than themselves, as in some I got, a horse, car, waterfall, riding in a radio, motorcycle. holding their kids, or grandkids. (this told me they were VERY close to their familys, and if they lived 500 miles away, they would want to see them often as I do mine, and id hate the travel).
IF their profile said nothing about farming/gardening/homesteading.


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## sherry in Maine

when I used the dating online websites, a redflag was-
saying bad things about the last relationship or exwife.
Someone who didn't have a job and lived with their (adult) kid, because they couldn't find a job (this could be legitamite, but other stuff popped up on the small bio he posted.

Talked about how they were disappointed by online dating, and how deceitful the women were (for example, some women apparently showed very flattering pics or pics of themselves when they were younger or thinner) And how absolutely THEY (the whining man) were stunning, young looking, genius, successful, etc etc

On their bios, talked about 'don't be talking on the phone alot' and 'don't expect much in the lovey dovey department' (what? yuk) 'Don't be inviting your kids over to freeload on me'.

As you know, not everyone is a ding dong; not everyone is a match for you.

Don't be suspicious from the 'git go', but be aware.

Remember, their photo might show a big ol' dufus. That dufus might be a great guy.

Once, a man I emailed back and forth had a requirement on his page; 'must have a Phd'...... I asked him about it and he removed it, but he explained that when he was originally writing the stuff down, he remembered his late wife and how she had a Phd. (he held her in high esteem, not a problem)

Once, a man contacted me thru email (from dating website) we chatted back and forth, and he asked for any other photos of me (aside from ones on page) I sent him couple, and they were current (as was the dating page bio) but one of my tatts peeked out from under my sleeve (yes, I'm a nasty tattooed woman). 
His first reaction was how his mother would react.....huh? This man had white hair, to clue you in to his age range (older than me).....It was a conversation, not a wedding, so I wondered why he'd get so upset about such things. Some folks do I guess. I bad him farewell. Didn't give a hoot about his mommy's opinion.


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## tamarackreg

To me, the display of ones self on the internet for the sake of "meeting someone" is itself a red flag.


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## Laura Zone 5

PM sent Darren!


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## Huckleberrie

tamarackreg said:


> To me, the display of ones self on the internet for the sake of "meeting someone" is itself a red flag.


:rock:

Don't do it. The internet is the worst place to meet someone.


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## Laura Zone 5

I thought bars are the worst places to meet someone


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## cindilu

Well I have a confession. I am on POF, haven't done much with it and it needs updated. For obvious reasons I have not done the updating but have considered taking my profile off. I have 0 time but I am also scared to death of it. 

So looking at my profile, what are the red flags and I am asking as a serious question... ??? 

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=67201432

My profile name is MyWhisperingPines...


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## Laura Zone 5

cindilu said:


> Well I have a confession. I am on POF, haven't done much with it and it needs updated. For obvious reasons I have not done the updating but have considered taking my profile off. I have 0 time but I am also scared to death of it.
> 
> So looking at my profile, what are the red flags and I am asking as a serious question... ???
> 
> http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=67201432
> 
> My profile name is MyWhisperingPines...


First: You are a beautiful woman.
Second: Your profile is ON POINT.
It's you. 
I think it's awesome.


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## cindilu

Ahhh thank you. I sure don't feel beautiful. Sometimes I feel like I should post a picture of me waking up. That will teach them, lol. Any hows, no red flags huh. I guess that is a good thing and I thank you again for the compliments.


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## Huckleberrie

Laura Zone 5 said:


> I thought bars are the worst places to meet someone


At least in the bars you can get to the truth faster. How does he treat you and strangers? Can he afford to pay for your drinks and meal? How much does he drink (are you going to have to carry him home all the time)? Does he treat you with respect like a lady (opens doors and such)? Does he have a car? Where and WHO does he live with? Are there any other ladies he is seeing (you can find that out fast if you go to a bar where he hangs out)? 

Online dating is a far worse meat market geared to benefit manipulators.


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## nehimama

If he claims integrity, honesty, and monogamy, I fear the gent doth protest too much.


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## nehimama

Your profile is GREAT! I see no red flags!


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## FarmerJoe

A woman who goes on and on about going out and doing fun stuff or wants a "fun guy". Makes it seem as if she wants the activity, not the guy. Also if they say they are bored. 
If they are on a motorcycle or say they like riding, but that is only because I don't ride.

Laura Zone 5 I thought bars are the worst places to meet someone 

I always thought that too.


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## FarmerJoe

> Well I have a confession. I am on POF, haven't done much with it and it needs updated. For obvious reasons I have not done the updating but have considered taking my profile off. I have 0 time but I am also scared to death of it.
> 
> So looking at my profile, what are the red flags and I am asking as a serious question... ???
> 
> http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=67201432
> 
> My profile name is MyWhisperingPines...


 
I think your profile is fine. Ok it's great!! You're just in the wrong state and I can't move. (insert frownie face here)


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## Laura Zone 5

Huckleberrie said:


> At least in the bars you can get to the truth faster. How does he treat you and strangers? Can he afford to pay for your drinks and meal? How much does he drink (are you going to have to carry him home all the time)? Does he treat you with respect like a lady (opens doors and such)? Does he have a car? Where and WHO does he live with? Are there any other ladies he is seeing (you can find that out fast if you go to a bar where he hangs out)?
> 
> Online dating is a far worse meat market geared to benefit manipulators.


I "added" (about a week after I updated my profile):

*I do not kiss on the first date. Probably not the second one either........
I am new to this "online" meeting people thing; and I have heard some horror stories......
I do not conversate with married men, men who are legally married but separated, men who are in committed relationships, men who are separated from their committed relationship

*"men" who were sending messages, stopped, and the amount of new messages drastically reduced. 

I guess the 'advantage' of online 'getting to know someone' is that; IN a bar, there he/she is, in your face, and if you/they are not impressed, someone has to walk away and someone has to be mature enough to handle that rejection.
Online, you just stop emailing / texting / messaging........
Society today is about 'easy' not 'right'.

I would MUCH RATHER meet someone in real life......


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## FarmboyBill

(I would much rather meet someone in real life)

Not me, but I can see where either/both have there advantages/disavantages, so pick your poison.

ALSO, (I love to travel) is a deal breaker for me.


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## sherry in Maine

I guess sometimes 'met in a bar' can work out to great things/relationship.

Sometimes it is the opposite, as men who use the bar scene to date women are all about the immediacy of it, not the long term.

Also, I am not an expert about the 'worse place to meet people' but as a stay at home mom/widow, who lives in a small town, there weren't any special wonderful 'meet potential dates' places I could go to. 

I could not leave my kid at home; special needs. Plus, after her dad died, and I was going to night school twice a week, she would have a sobbing meltdown each time I left the house. (think she thought that since her dad disappeared, perhaps she'd lose me too) I put off any outings for a long time, and even then, had to arrange them for during her school hours.


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## Huckleberrie

I met mine at an event for a hobby. Bars aren't the only option.


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## oneraddad

I met my first wife at a kegger, but I don't drink any more


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## FarmboyBill

Jus kidding when I say, (OR any less) lol


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## FarmboyBill

I met my first at a Katz Drug Store, My second where she worked at a hamburger joint called Maid Rite, but I called them made wrongs. The third at a mall


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## HillBettyMama

I have been considering creating aonline dating profile as I have been single for just under a year now, I'm not sure if I am ready to jump back in to dating as it has been ages since I have been dating. Honestly I both loath and fear the idea of dating again, but have been thinking it would be delightful to have a relationship. It's too bad one can't happen without the other.
However I am very busy with being a mom and have no outings that are not centered around kids events. So perhaps by having an online profile on a dating site I could meet someone but without spending time outside of my comfort zone of kids events. But then again who would want to date someone who has a herd of little kids full time and no breaks? I don't think scout meetings, soccer games and kids bible studies are much of a social scene...


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## FarmerJoe

> But then again who would want to date someone who has a herd of little kids full time and no breaks? I don't think scout meetings, soccer games and kids bible studies are much of a social scene...


 A guy who likes kids or has kids of his own. You won't know until you try.

I don't think finding someone is going to be easy or quick, so figure I had better get started.


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## FarmboyBill

I been at it intermittedly for a decade Joe. Course, im pretty plumb persnicketity and particular


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## newfieannie

exactly! as FJ said HBM someone who likes kids! awhile back we had a guy here Mav and a sweet lady who had I believe 9 kids. Mav had a little girl at the time. eventually they got together and now they are married . so you see. there's someone for everyone. ~Georgia


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## Laura Zone 5

I have come to the conclusion, it is me.

I do not think I am ready; which really sucks.
It's been 17 months since the divorce was final.....

My profile is pretty clear "I don't kiss on the first day, probably not the second either" so sending me a message asking me if I am open minded sensually; ewwwwww.

Sending me a message, when YOUR profile talks about making out, "must like pats on the butt"....(are you for real? are we playing baseball or having dinner bro?) 
Yeah, I am definitely not going to message back to your "hi cutey".
I am not 17, 'cutie' is something you call a kid........

I fear, he ruined me, and I will never have a normal relationship again....
Seriously, a for real, fear.


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## Terri

LZ5, sometimes you find someone when you are NOT looking. Because sometimes someone finds YOU!


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## painterswife

You are looking for the right person. There are going to be way too many that are not. You do have to be ready to wade through the crappy ones to find those few that are good possibilities.


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## Truckinguy

If a woman has her cleavage prominently displayed it's a bit of a red flag for me. Don't get me wrong, I love boobs but if you're using them to sell yourself it comes across as a bit insecure to me.

If a woman is Christian it's a deal breaker for me. It's not a danger or threat indicator of course but it's not something I could be compatible with.

A long list of requirements (honesty, integrity, loyalty, faithfulness, etc.) is a bit offputting. We're all looking for that perfect someone so it's not necessary to list everything off. It seems to be some of the same old stock sentences on every profile and it gets old quick. If someone writes something a little quirky it gets my attention as being a little different and seems to indicate some character shining through.

Spelling and grammar is a big one for me. I'm not trying to be the spelling police but an articulate and intelligently written profile gets big marks from me. I also try to walk the walk...lol


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## nehimama

The guy who requests sanity, honesty & integrity: have to wonder if he embodies the same qualities.


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## FarmboyBill

Truckguy. Im betting that somma these womens daughters take pics of their moms, and tell their moms to put the girls out, where (or course) the older women wouldn't necessarly think of doing it.


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## cindilu

Truckinguy said:


> If a woman has her cleavage prominently displayed it's a bit of a red flag for me. Don't get me wrong, I love boobs but if you're using them to sell yourself it comes across as a bit insecure to me.
> 
> If a woman is Christian it's a deal breaker for me. It's not a danger or threat indicator of course but it's not something I could be compatible with.
> 
> A long list of requirements (honesty, integrity, loyalty, faithfulness, etc.) is a bit offputting. We're all looking for that perfect someone so it's not necessary to list everything off. It seems to be some of the same old stock sentences on every profile and it gets old quick. If someone writes something a little quirky it gets my attention as being a little different and seems to indicate some character shining through.
> 
> Spelling and grammar is a big one for me. I'm not trying to be the spelling police but an articulate and intelligently written profile gets big marks from me. I also try to walk the walk...lol


I get what you are saying, I really do. But what if some of us are just big chested and it doesn't take much for cleavage to show? Serious question.


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## FarmboyBill

yeah, right lol. They make clothes for everybody and everybodies situation.


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## FarmboyBill

Suppose a guy posted, (But what if some of us guys are REALLY BIG down there. It dont take much for that to show). Most of you gals would have suggestions as to how to hide that prospect from showing. lol


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## Terri

FarmboyBill said:


> yeah, right lol. They make clothes for everybody and everybodies situation.


Actually, the stores stock clothes for the average woman, with just a few that are extra large. That way they sell more clothes, because most women are close to average. 

Women who are not average must be creative when they shop. Some women wear blouses that are really too large for them, which can cover them but it might not be what they want to post at a dating site. a great many women like to show a waistline when they are dressing to impress.


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## cindilu

Terri said:


> Actually, the stores stock clothes for the average woman, with just a few that are extra large. That way they sell more clothes, because most women are close to average.
> 
> Women who are not average must be creative when they shop. Some women wear blouses that are really too large for them, which can cover them but it might not be what they want to post at a dating site. a great many women like to show a waistline when they are dressing to impress.


Exactly, and if we buy loose but bend down, EVERYTHING will be showing. Or we can buy tight, so that if we bend down nothing shows, but then EVERYTHING still shows because now we have just shown how much curve we really do have. I am telling ya, I have cried tears over this. We are doomed if we do and doomed if we don't. I have even started wearing layers to keep stuff from showing, but dang already./


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## cindilu

FarmboyBill said:


> Suppose a guy posted, (But what if some of us guys are REALLY BIG down there. It dont take much for that to show). Most of you gals would have suggestions as to how to hide that prospect from showing. lol


And Bill, you would not get any complaints from this side of the hill...


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## FarmboyBill

Cindi, Were I worrying about it as much as you, Id wear the tighter clothes that showed off the curves, but not the YOU. That shows a guy

You got the right stuff in the (hopefully) right places.
It shows that your trying the best you can to be modest about it.
It shows a guy that, he can concentrate on finding out about the you that is in your head, knowing, (hopefully) that whats underneath those clothes aint fake, but the real things. lol.


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## oneraddad

cindilu said:


> I get what you are saying, I really do. But what if some of us are just big chested and it doesn't take much for cleavage to show? Serious question.



Seriously, I've noticed your situation and didn't find it a problem.


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## frogmammy

FarmboyBill said:


> ....(But what if some of us guys are REALLY BIG down there. It dont take much for that to show)....


Ummmm....I'm knockin' on 70's door, but I haven't noticed that sort of thing, just walking past someone. EVER.

Something in *particular* to be looking for?

Mon


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## Forty Acres




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## FarmboyBill

I NEVER noticed women your/our age glancing down to check me out, BUT I notice it now with younger gals. I have wide angle vision, so I noticed while taking a wide angle shot of a gals cleavage as I passed near her, I started noticing that gals would take a look at me/mine just as they were passing. As W Brennen said more than once, No bragg, Jus facts


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## Laura Zone 5

I think there is a HUGE noticeable difference between 'letting the girls hang out' and "a well endowed woman, w/ modesty".

I would say 99% of the time the difference is pretty easy to pick out.


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## Truckinguy

cindilu said:


> I get what you are saying, I really do. But what if some of us are just big chested and it doesn't take much for cleavage to show? Serious question.


I understand but as Laura said you can usually tell who's intentionally posing with emphasis on their cleavage and those who are just taking a nice picture that happens to show a little bit. When the cleavage takes up half of the picture and is intentionally in the foreground it's a little much and obviously on purpose.

That being said, a women can be just as sexy in a t-shirt that doesn't show cleavage as she can in a low cut shirt. If you feel sexy it just shows no matter what you're wearing.


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## cindilu

Laura Zone 5 said:


> I think there is a HUGE noticeable difference between 'letting the girls hang out' and "a well endowed woman, w/ modesty".
> 
> I would say 99% of the time the difference is pretty easy to pick out.


I know, and at least for myself I kinda skirt around the entire issue. I do both and at this point in my life I just don't care as much as I used to when I was younger. Now I just do what ever and if someone has something to say I usually just walk away. :icecream:


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## FarmboyBill

Ive yet to see a pic where cleavage takes up most of the pic on FO. Dangit lol.


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## FarmerJoe

You can tell the ones that are trying to show off. It's usually younger women and the photo looks like it was taken from a helicopter. 



> I get what you are saying, I really do. But what if some of us are just big chested and it doesn't take much for cleavage to show? Serious question.


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## Laura Zone 5

Forty Acres said:


>


I don't get it?


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## oneraddad

I think he wants photo's of Bill's package ?


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## roadless

I literally just spit my coffee on my screen....thanks raddad


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## FarmboyBill

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Hate to see grown men cry lol


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## Laura Zone 5

Truckinguy said:


> If a woman has her cleavage prominently displayed it's a bit of a red flag for me. Don't get me wrong, I love boobs but if you're using them to sell yourself it comes across as a bit insecure to me.
> 
> If a woman is Christian it's a deal breaker for me. It's not a danger or threat indicator of course but it's not something I could be compatible with.
> 
> A long list of requirements (honesty, integrity, loyalty, faithfulness, etc.) is a bit offputting. We're all looking for that perfect someone so it's not necessary to list everything off. It seems to be some of the same old stock sentences on every profile and it gets old quick. If someone writes something a little quirky it gets my attention as being a little different and seems to indicate some character shining through.
> 
> *Spelling and grammar is a big one for me.* I'm not trying to be the spelling police but an articulate and intelligently written profile gets big marks from me. I also try to walk the walk...lol


Ok, I am not a spelling Nazi, but I am pretty sure all computers have spell check? There is "over there" Their is "their toys". You're "You are in trouble" -VS- "in your dreams". 

Again, I am not a Rhodes Scholar, but dang.......


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## FarmboyBill

I don't have smell chick, or know hopt to geed dit


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## sdnapier

cindilu said:


> Well I have a confession. I am on POF, haven't done much with it and it needs updated. For obvious reasons I have not done the updating but have considered taking my profile off. I have 0 time but I am also scared to death of it.
> 
> So looking at my profile, what are the red flags and I am asking as a serious question... ???
> 
> http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=67201432
> 
> My profile name is MyWhisperingPines...


I don't know much about on line dating but Klamath Falls is a pretty area. I went to college in Ashland. Cascadesâ¦nice


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## sdnapier

FarmboyBill said:


> Truckguy. Im betting that somma these womens daughters take pics of their moms, and tell their moms to put the girls out, where (or course) the older women wouldn't necessarly think of doing it.


And you wonder why you can't find a woman&#8230;what a statement. :hammer: :facepalm:


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## cindilu

sdnapier said:


> I don't know much about on line dating but Klamath Falls is a pretty area. I went to college in Ashland. Cascadesâ¦nice



I love it over there. Was born in Klamath Falls and that is okay but I love when you start to head up north towards Bend and start to get back into the pine trees. I love those pine trees and love it mixed with the smell of sage. Beautiful drive for sure.


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## FarmboyBill

sdnapier, WHERE IN THE WORLD DO YOU GET THE IDEE that I spend nights wondering why I cant get a woman.???????????????????????????????????????

I KNOW WHY I CANT find a woman. For the MOST part, Im a 40yr old man in a 70 nearly old body.


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## malinda

Firstly, I think some people here are confusing "red flags" with "personal preferences".

As in, if someone thinks my profession as a farrier (as in, being fully self-employed for 20+ years) is a red flag, they can let the door hit them on the way out. 

Secondly, I just had to laugh at the massive thread drift! Haha!


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## Laura Zone 5

Here we go..........

SO about 2 weeks ago, I got a message from a male. 
My age (maybe 1 year younger).
I was VERY upfront and honest out of the gate that I wanted to chat for a couple weeks before we 'meet'.
About a week into it, and against my better judgement, I started texting.
After a weeks worth of chatting online, I thought it would be 'ok' to exchange #'s.

Red flags (for me) started popping up.
Partying w/ his friends, sent me a 'selfie', pics of his "man cave", etc.
Most of the conversations were pretty 'shallow'......
He asked me where I worked a couple of times, and I would not reply.....
I just had that 'gut' feeling that he was not a good match for me. 
NOT what I am looking for.......

So today, we were texting and I told him that I would let him know what time and where to meet tomorrow for coffee, when I got home from work.
WHILE I am at work, I get this text "if we don't meet tomorrow then I will have to quit talking to you, I have been burned before".......
Ok, weird.
SO I texted back, "I understand, I hope you find what you are looking for".

So for me, that was THE END.
Don't come at me like that jack wagon.

I get home.....HE CALLS. I answer and say hello.
He's drunk.
He says "what is your name".
I said "you have been drinking, why don't you call tomorrow morning" 
(Mind you, it's 9pm and he is WASTED drunk)
He says "Tell me your name".
I said "I told you 2 weeks ago........
and he cuts me off, raises his voice and says "Tell me your name in three, two, one"
I said "have a nice evening" and I hung up.
I blocked him on POF and then he texts and says "I hope you scan whoever you try to scam".
Whatever the  that means.


When he raised his voice......it took my breath away.
Then it really wizzed me off.

Awesome.
I am deleting my profile, and just be done.
This is just stupid.

ETA: Sorry Terri! I have said that in the same way before and it was ok.....I won't do it again.


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## FarmboyBill

Laura You jumped into it too soon.
Do what I do, OR at least partially what I do.
Let them WRITE you a letter telling them about themselves. THEN make your decision. IF nothing happens, as is with me, then your no worse off than you are right now, but your still connected, just in case, something good does happen.


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## roadless

My profile is hidden, it avoids unwanted attention by those who don't read them.

For example, I clearly state I don't drink and was invited out for a drink a number of times.
I have contacted three men who I thought I might have a connection with.( not at the same time!)
We talked online a couple of times, then on the phone, then met shortly after.
All three were great guys but none tripped my trigger so to speak. 
I am friends with 2 of them...and probably would be with the third if he was in the area.


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## cindilu

Holy you know what. It looks like you dodged a serious bullet with that one. OMG< if he started yelling or raising his voice at me I would be done done done. And then to count down, three, two, one. Oh hello no. I don't even play that game with my daycare kiddos. Drunk is one thing, drunk calling and wanting to demand is on another level. Yep, this is also the reason why I am single. Good call on blocking.


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## roadless

I guess my point was that there really are nice, normal folks out there Laura.

I have certainly had my fill of yahoos responding to my profile, but when I hid my profile and made first contact with those that seemed appealing it worked out better.

But wadda I know......I'm having dinner tonight with a man I kept bumping into at the dollar store!
Yep, someone I talked to in line......like a topic on another thread!


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## FarmerJoe

Laura, I think you found the red flags!! And maybe you saved some time by not messaging for a month first. Never know. At least you found out before actually meeting him.


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## Laura Zone 5

This is a novel concept; shocking and cutting edge, but I am HONEST and UPFRONT about the fact, I am NEW to this online meeting thing; I don't know the 'lingo' or what is or is not appropriate.

I have 'read' that there is such a thing as a chronic texter/messager; that people just text and message and never meet.

So I let the couple of guys that I was talking to (on line) know that I want to message, for a couple of weeks, before we meet; that I was new to this and the whole concept was new to me, and if that was too long, I understood......

A LOT of guys were like: sorry, either we meet in the next couple of days or I am moving on......I was polite and said I understood.

I totally deleted my profile.
I'm done.
I'd rather be alone. No matter how much that sucks.


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## FarmerJoe

I understand the honesty thing. I don't like wasting my time and don't want to do that to someone else. I was told to be careful, as I am too trusting. I assume others are as honest as I am. I think I am the opposite, I would rather meet sooner so I could judge them better. But that's not happened yet.


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## Laura Zone 5

FarmerJoe said:


> I understand the honesty thing. I don't like wasting my time and don't want to do that to someone else. I was told to be careful, as I am too trusting. I assume others are as honest as I am. I think I am the opposite, I would rather meet sooner so I could judge them better. But that's not happened yet.


I am 18 months post divorce (but it was OVER long before that) and I don't think I am ready for this 'dating'......

I honestly don't think I ever will be.....

Oy.


----------



## roadless

It is tricky Laura, but something deep within me would like an intimate connection with a man.
I can't cut myself off from that.


----------



## Laura Zone 5

roadless said:


> It is tricky Laura, but something deep within me would like an intimate connection with a man.
> I can't cut myself off from that.


I am so glad you are ready to step out and take that risk.....
I am not.
I am batting 1000 on psychos.....

Just gonna put my nose to the grindstone, focus all my energy into getting out in the country.....and pray I live long enough to enjoy it!!


----------



## roadless

It has been a bit over 4 years for me.
For the first couple of years I felt like I was cheating on my ex. just being alone with a man! 
This journey has been a huge process of baby steps......some of them backwards! 
It takes what it takes, but it is important for me not to close myself off to possibilities.


----------



## Laura Zone 5

I admire your 'get after it-ness'!!!


----------



## roadless

Shucks.....I try.


----------



## sweinodinsson

Red flags to me are anything that shows she is a mindless, materialistic, tv zombie. Also women who put a bunch of pictures of themselves partying. 
There is a saying that I love: "Don't tell me what you don't like. Tell me what you DO like!" So all these women who go on and on about what they DON'T like or anything negative, I just assume they are negative people, no matter how good they look.
Horror story: I met a woman on POF several years ago. I talked to her for a month. She was really cool and we decided we would meet. She said she felt more comfortable driving to me instead of me driving to her state. So she drives for 4 hours to come see me and she was as big as a house. In all her pictures she was an average size.
What I did: I gave her the cold shoulder for a couple hours until she decided she missed her daughter and wanted to go home.
What I should have done: Is tell her point blank: "I am not so shallow to base my opinion on someone soley on their physical attributes, but dishonesty is an absolute deal breaker for me, have a nice trip back."

I have met a few cool people online. There is a lot of trash too. Just like in person. I don't go to bars much, because I don't drink. I think bars are a horrible place to meet women. I don't want a bar ----. Also, womens guard is usually up more at a bar. If their guard is down, it's cause she is hammered, in which case, I don't want to take a woman home who isn't going to remember my name in the morning.


----------



## Laura Zone 5

I find it interesting that you can be real up front and honest on your profile about 'who you are'.......
Message and text back in forth for a couple weeks.......all the while, being honest and up front....
That you can almost to a T spell out what you are looking for on your profile......

AND STILL you get some clown that is the absolute opposite of what your profile seeks.....and then THEY get wizzed off at YOU because you don't want to meet???

My profile said "Not looking for fun fun fun go go go" "I do not kiss on the first date, probably not the second either" "Zero tolerance for drugs and BS"...........

The above mentioned fool (almost 50 years old mind you) in the 2 weeks that I messaged / texted w/ him, had foot ball parties at his house, in his "man cave", went on an all day pub crawl w/ his friends, found out that he is 4/20 friendly, had a full blown temper tantrum when he was drunk, at 9 pm on a Wednesday night.......

Really?
Cause my profile was CLEAR I am seeking a MAN (not a boy), who happens to enjoy the outdoors, the homesteading lifestyle, who's laid back but has his spine intact. Not a party boy, not a bed buddy, not a 45-55 year old male (and I say male not man) that wants to act like he's 22, dress like he's 22 and thinks social media is the greatest invention of all time.......

Oy.
Like I said, I deleted my whole profile.


----------



## roadless

I hear ya.
I had a shirtless, sunglassed,bathroom selfie, guy, 15 years my junior tell me I was hawt, and wanted to go for a drink.
I replied no thanks.
When he kept it up, I ignored him at first.
I finally wrote back and told him I was going to play big sister and give some advice.

I said if he wanted a quality woman to put on a shirt, take off the glasses, write what some of his interests are and what he was looking for.
He responded lol, ok.

I changed my profile pic, about a month later and got another your hawt from him, this time he had a shirt on and wrote he liked to shoot pool and play darts and party.

That is when I hid my profile and contacted men that I thought might be a good fit.
No sparks yet but I have met some nice men.


----------



## FarmboyBill

I don't know why FO CONTINUALLY sends me women way out of my age range. Mostly younger, but some older. They cant know that FO is doing this or they would change there age preferences. I tell some of them that they should raise hell with FO about it.


----------



## coolrunnin

FarmboyBill said:


> I don't know why FO CONTINUALLY sends me women way out of my age range. Mostly younger, but some older. They cant know that FO is doing this or they would change there age preferences. I tell some of them that they should raise hell with FO about it.


Me thinks you set the age range in your profile, not the other way around.

You need to check your preferences.


----------



## Terri

roadless said:


> I changed my profile pic, about a month later and got another your hawt from him, this time he had a shirt on and wrote he liked to shoot pool and play darts and party.


Oh I LIKE this guy! I have always admired honesty in a man, and he is not to proud to take advice as well!

I would rather hit both little toes with a hammer than date him, however. He comes across as an incipient alcoholic and a player to boot!


----------



## roadless

I agree Terri, but he did make me smile!
The last time I felt hawt it had something to do with a flash!


----------



## Laura Zone 5

Maybe men can answer this better:

Calling a woman 'hawt, hotty, sexy, etc.' in a quick one line message......
I equate that to 'cat calling'......when you're walking down the street and you get the whoots, and whoot wooo's, and hey hey baby's........

Do women really turn around and say "hey I want to meet this guy who is slobbering and frothing at the mouth' thinking this is a quality way to be viewed / spoken too??


----------



## FarmboyBill

No, but its his expression of appreciation, in which he can think of no other way to pay homage to her beauty that she may see that he did so. Id say 90% of guys who do this don't expect any reply + or -. Likely over 50% hope that nothing happens cause of it, either cause there old like me, and don't want the problems, or their married or have GFs, and don't want the problems. Something just wells up in them that causes them to vent this way. I did it loud as a HS kid, cause I saw the hoods in town do it, and kinda thought that it was expected, if you were a cool guy. Now, I might just say homa moma, loud enough for just me to hear


----------



## Laura

[quoteAbout a week into it, and *against my better judgement*, I started texting.
After a weeks worth of chatting online, I thought it would be 'ok' to exchange #'s.

*Red flags (for me) started popping up*.
Partying w/ his friends, sent me a 'selfie', pics of his "man cave", etc.
Most of the conversations were pretty 'shallow'......
He asked me where I worked a couple of times, and I would not reply.....
*I just had that 'gut' feeling* that he was not a good match for me. 
NOT what I am looking for.......][/quote]

Yet you continued to ignore and violate your own internal boundary, waste time on this loser only to be incredibly insulted. It's not his fault, you allowed him the time and space in your life knowing full well it was bad for you. Just because somebody talks to you it doesn't mean you owe them anything. "No thank you, I'm not interested," is a perfectly valid response to men who do not fit your parameters or who set off your jerk alert.


----------



## Jena

I will get bored and/or lonely and decide to try the online thing again. I sign up and spend a couple months meeting nobody. I might chat or text with some guys, but it usually just peters out after a few days. Then I'll find some real weirdo and decide I've had enough for another year or two.

I was just on an online dating kick recently. This is my profile, but I'm going to delete it because I'll be in Alaska for a few months....and I met the requisite weirdo last week. Guy texted me every hour, on the hour, beginning at 7am. 

https://www.okcupid.com/profile/rcker?cf=profile


----------



## Truckinguy

I"ve signed up for Lavalife and Farmers Only just to see what the whole online dating thing was all about but never really talked to anybody. There doesn't seem to be many women out there who are prepared to crawl under the chicken coop in the chicken poop (look, I'm a poet!) to rescue a scared chick or butcher a turkey. I know they're out there but they're few and far between and live far away from me. 

One thing that is a red flag for me is a woman with who posts a picture of herself with a drink in her hand. Maybe she's trying to indicate that she is fun or something but alcohol has been a problem in our family and it just immediately turns me off. I'm no prude and I do like a drink now and again but I don't think it should be in a profile picture.


----------



## Laura Zone 5

Laura said:


> [quoteAbout a week into it, and *against my better judgement*, I started texting.
> After a weeks worth of chatting online, I thought it would be 'ok' to exchange #'s.
> 
> *Red flags (for me) started popping up*.
> Partying w/ his friends, sent me a 'selfie', pics of his "man cave", etc.
> Most of the conversations were pretty 'shallow'......
> He asked me where I worked a couple of times, and I would not reply.....
> *I just had that 'gut' feeling* that he was not a good match for me.
> NOT what I am looking for.......]





> Yet you continued to ignore and violate your own internal boundary, waste time on this loser only to be incredibly insulted.
> *It's not his fault,* you allowed him the time and space in your life knowing full well it was bad for you. Just because somebody talks to you it doesn't mean you owe them anything. "No thank you, I'm not interested," is a perfectly valid response to men who do not fit your parameters or who set off your jerk alert.


YOU are so dang right.
I have resolved that parts of "old me" (pre-marriage) worked VERY WELL, and I will revert back to those ways:

The Laura Door Matt has been rolled up and thrown away.
Had a dear friend ask me "was life easier when you were a "really bad word"'. I said "Maybe not 'easier' but it hurt less'.
So here it is baby......I will give you the shirt off my back, hold your hair while your puking, hold you hand when you're hurting; but hear me loud and clear.........
No more Mr. Nice Guy.
I will call you out.
No one will take advantage of me.
Wana talk carp about me? Go right ahead; I'm really gonna give you something to talk about, but don't try to smile and be nice to my face, because I'm gonna call you out.
ZERO tolerance for bullies, liars, lazy donkeys, gossips, trouble makers, thieves, back stabbers, etc.
You have, been warned.

I started yesterday. Instead of whining about something, or just doing it myself, I called him out "so tell me why _______ didn't get done today, and it's 5pm on a Friday night AND IT'S STILL NOT DONE?"

Yeah, you are exactly right.
I ALLOWED this Jack Wagon the time and space to be a creep. 
I had all the warnings, all the whistles and bells went off, and I ignored them thinking I was "wrong".
Well I'm not.
And that is the LAST time I ignore my internal warning signals.


----------



## roadless

Live and learn.&#9825;


----------



## Laura

Look on the bright side. The donkey only took up time and space of a couple of weeks. He did not enter your physical realm.


----------



## CottageLife

I'm going to be rude and jump in here - I'm not single, but happily married. But I did the online dating for awhile before I met my husband. The one downfall I found to not meeting someone from online within 1-2 weeks was sometimes the conversation online was great! We seemed to connect, shared some info about ourselves, got to know each other. But then you meet in person and it can be hard to reconcile that this is the guy you've been talking to for 2 weeks. It then felt awkward because we should have been doing standard first date chit chat, but we already did that online. Does that make sense?

Just something to think about. The thread topic caught my eye because I met a few doozies when I was single. Including the guy that after a few dates (and I played it safe - meet at a public location, drive myself, don't give out too much info, etc) he asked me if I ever thought of moving to Costa Rica? I told him no, why? He said because they allow multiple wives and he was really looking forward to moving there.......... lol! Sorry, not for me and I wish he would have given that info on the first date or in his bio. 

I met my DH through a co-worker. She set us up. Both he and I were reluctant at first because she is a a bit nutty. Yet it worked out great for us  

Good luck and hope I wasn't too forward jumping in here!


----------



## FarmerJoe

I may have been messaging a scammer on farmersO. Daily messages for about a week, I wasn't giving out anything too personal. They were giving less, and it seemed a little off. I was ready to quit a any time, then this morning I get a message from administration, saying not try and contact the person and their account was being deleted.


----------



## FarmboyBill

Have you seen the FO comm where this good lookin gal in shorts is getting on a horse on the wrong side. Next time you see her shes 1/2 way to the ground with the horse running off with her.


----------



## reneedarley

CottageLife said:


> . It then felt awkward because we should have been doing standard first date chit chat, but we already did that online. Does that make sense?
> 
> 
> 
> Good luck and hope I wasn't too forward jumping in here!


 Great to hear that you have a good relationship Cottage life. I can totally relate to the awkwardness. I just didn't have a clue how to react to Tom when I first met him. We had been Skyping on a daily basis, a couple of hours, for about a year before we met in Sweden.
I know he claims that I ravaged him but he does tend to exaggerate :whistlin:


----------



## FarmerJoe

> FarmboyBill Have you seen the FO comm where this good lookin gal in shorts is getting on a horse on the wrong side. Next time you see her shes 1/2 way to the ground with the horse running off with her.


 I haven't seen any of the commercials but I guess that's why there are so many non-farm types on there. The more people they can get on there, the more money they can make.


----------



## Laura Zone 5

FarmerJoe said:


> I haven't seen any of the commercials but I guess that's why there are so many non-farm types on there. The more people they can get on there, the more money they can make.


I guess I am no mental giant.......I couldn't figure out how to work FO.


----------



## newfieannie

if I can work it Laura you certainly shouldn't have trouble. unless they have changed things. that was 9 years ago when I was there. that's where I found that guy who didn't want to get his hands messy. the one I didn't even bother to meet.~Georgia


----------



## oneraddad

Laura Zone 5 said:


> For men, when you read a females profile, tell me what a 'red flag' looks like to you?
> What makes you go "oh heck no" and pass on contacting or responding to that female?



If I was to look online for a date, I'd be checking out women that had the same interests as I and that I thought was attractive. I wouldn't be looking for "red flags" but I can tell you that drama is a turn off.


----------



## MattB4

Laura Zone 5 said:


> For men, when you read a females profile, tell me what a 'red flag' looks like to you?
> What makes you go "oh heck no" and pass on contacting or responding to that female?
> 
> 
> For women, when you read a mans profile, tell me what a 'red flag' looks like to you?
> What makes you go "oh heck no" and pass on contacting or responding to that male?


I have never participated in the personals or online dating services. I do occasionally through the years read some of them for curiosity and think about what is written. 

You can get a read on a person by looking for the tone behind the writing. Is there a demanding emphasis or is there a subtle whine about past mistreatment from the opposite gender. Those that demand (You must be this and that...) seem to imply that a person must jump thru hoops and eventually fail by not jumping high enough. While those that complain of the past imply that they are stuck and refuse to move on. 

Perhaps being a old hermit I fail to understand how the game is played. Interesting to think about.


----------



## oneraddad

Old Hermit's rock


----------



## frogmammy

oneraddad said:


> Old Hermit's rock


They build cool showers, too!

Mon


----------



## oneraddad

Thank you for the compliment Frogmammy

Who builds a 5'x5' shower with a bench and uses it for one ?

A hermit that showered in a travel trailer for 2 1/2 years.


----------



## MattB4

nehimama said:


> The guy who requests sanity, honesty & integrity: have to wonder if he embodies the same qualities.


It may just be that he has a history of dating crazy, deceitful, unfaithful women and is curious what the others are like. 

I suppose if I put in any requests for qualities I would want intelligence first and foremost. Nothing makes a woman less appealing than being vapid or dumb as a rock. 

So how about _"A woman that would interest me would be of above normal intelligence, independent, resourceful, not given to drama, have a deep and abiding sense of self and it would help greatly if you have money since I am poor"_


----------



## Laura Zone 5

3:34, and 4:13.
Wonder what the ISP at those two times say?


----------



## MattB4

Laura Zone 5 said:


> 3:34, and 4:13.
> Wonder what the ISP at those two times say?


My post is 3:13pm because I live in Arkansas, not back East. Incidentally my last Forum was Survivalists Boards. Was there for several years with thousands of posts. Look it up if you do not believe me. (Same user name there) 

ETA: I have used the same user name for some time now. Partly because it is my real name and partly because what I first used was MattB. It became MattB4 when 2 forums combined and and my user name was already taken by someone else. Thus I was MattB before anyone else registered the name.


----------



## FarmboyBill

I thought you gals thought I was the only one to do that lol


----------



## Tommyice

newfieannie said:


> did he imply that we are lesser species? or have I been working too hard all day. ~Georgia


Georgia you are the hardest working woman I know but I think he did imply that. But then again, he does claim to have wicked knife skills when it comes to words.


----------



## oneraddad




----------



## MattB4

I see this thread has been given a new deal. So in light of that I felt that some observations of mine might be in order. 

I spent some time reading some Craig's list personal adds for women seeking men recently. One thing that I noticed (besides the inevitable amount of prostitution related adds) was this curious omission. Women rarely give what they can do in a personal ad. They fail to mention their skills or their hobbies. Sure there is the desires such as romantic appeal and stuff. But there is not the fact that they can cook or take care of business. It is almost like they think that they do not need to bring anything to the table other than they are a woman. 

Where is the women that have been through the rapids and survived? The ones that can do and not take? Why would a guy want a gal that has no depth, no skills? What makes you different than the millions of other women competing for my attention? (humor) It is like women advertise for Prince Charming but they are one of the ugly sister in laws. 

So Red Flags aplenty when you don't mention that your basics and skills. But you ask for a person with stability, honor, financial stability, and romanticism.


----------



## wr

MattB4 said:


> I see this thread has been given a new deal. So in light of that I felt that some observations of mine might be in order.
> 
> I spent some time reading some Craig's list personal adds for women seeking men recently. One thing that I noticed (besides the inevitable amount of prostitution related adds) was this curious omission. Women rarely give what they can do in a personal ad. They fail to mention their skills or their hobbies. Sure there is the desires such as romantic appeal and stuff. But there is not the fact that they can cook or take care of business. It is almost like they think that they do not need to bring anything to the table other than they are a woman.
> 
> Where is the women that have been through the rapids and survived? The ones that can do and not take? Why would a guy want a gal that has no depth, no skills? What makes you different than the millions of other women competing for my attention? (humor) It is like women advertise for Prince Charming but they are one of the ugly sister in laws.
> 
> So Red Flags aplenty when you don't mention that your basics and skills. But you ask for a person with stability, honor, financial stability, and romanticism.


I've watched a friend who has gotten to the age where she feels she needs a companion in her life and she's a very attractive professional woman who's capable of handling just about anything but her online profile would be enough to scare anyone off. Instead of presenting herself as a strong capable professional woman who can handle just about anything, it reads like a woman who's looking for someone to support her and her kids, with a laundry list of traits she expects and a longer list of issues she will not tolerate.


----------



## FarmboyBill

Yep. I see that so much on FO


----------



## Shrek

wr said:


> I've watched a friend who has gotten to the age where she feels she needs a companion in her life and she's a very attractive professional woman who's capable of handling just about anything but her online profile would be enough to scare anyone off. Instead of presenting herself as a strong capable professional woman who can handle just about anything, it reads like a woman who's looking for someone to support her and her kids, with a laundry list of traits she expects and a longer list of issues she will not tolerate.


 I have seen many of both genders shoot themselves in the foot with their 10 foot long mate prerequisite list instead of simply choosing their own path and getting to know those who they find themselves walking paths in close proximity or even simply crossing each other a time or two.

An old sage told me once that a totally scripted life is a boring life as you already know the ending and if your 70 years old trying to only relive life as it was in your 20s, you have wasted 50 years.


----------



## FarmboyBill

Your last para is me, but My life wasn't boring. Ive done some hialicious things I havnt even mentioned here yet. Partially cause I don't remember them like I could in my 20s lol. Maybe I lived 2 lives at the same time. One boring, and one exciting to compensate for the boring one.


----------



## FarmerJoe

Seems I always get on here late and miss everything!

I don't consider craigslist anything more than entertainment or a hook up site. Rarely have I ever seen anything close to someone who I would want to date.


----------



## FarmboyBill

Same here.


----------



## reneedarley

wr said:


> I've watched a friend who has gotten to the age where she feels she needs a companion in her life and she's a very attractive professional woman who's capable of handling just about anything but her online profile would be enough to scare anyone off. Instead of presenting herself as a strong capable professional woman who can handle just about anything, it reads like a woman who's looking for someone to support her and her kids, with a laundry list of traits she expects and a longer list of issues she will not tolerate.


Totally agree. Sticking my neck out. I admit that I have never tried to date. Been through a couple of rough relationships without turning sour . I am well qualified and can turn my hands to a lot of things but would never tell anyone of my qualifications. I think many women are like that.


----------



## wr

reneedarley said:


> Totally agree. Sticking my neck out. I admit that I have never tried to date. Been through a couple of rough relationships without turning sour . I am well qualified and can turn my hands to a lot of things but would never tell anyone of my qualifications. I think many women are like that.


I fully understand your point and I have never tried the online dating sites but people often get stuck on the idea of what we think we need in the ideal mate and overlook a great catch simply because they don't fit the perceived criteria and most of the friends I've known to use them, seem to forget the need to present their personality or generate interest in some way rather than making a list of demands. 

It is nothing more than advertising.


----------



## FarmboyBill

Its funny. Just this morning, I received a post from a gal on FO who didn't send a pic or profile. This is the second or third time she has done this saying shes interested. I responded THIS TIME, which I hadn't done before. I said in a post back to her.

I gave an expansive profile followed by several pictures for anyone who might be interested in me. I expect to see an expansive profile with several pics of anyone I might be interested in.


----------



## Huckleberrie

I can't say it enough: don't do it. 

Just say no.

Step away from the app.


----------



## Suncatcher

Hey yall.  I'm not on any online dating sites but, I have been in the past and I agree with FarmboyBill. If they aren't serious enough to write about themselves extensively in their profile and add a picture to an email then their effort level says a lot about them and their intentions. So, that's definitely a red flag.


----------



## FarmboyBill

Thanks sun


----------



## tamarackreg

I have one pic of me on my computer and phone combined - and it's from a ways off. 

Too bad, no on line dating for me! LOL


----------



## FarmboyBill

Tam, When I see a pic from a woman from far off, Im thinking shes got something she wants to hide from a close up pic


----------



## tamarackreg

FarmboyBill said:


> Tam, When I see a pic from a woman from far off, Im thinking shes got something she wants to hide from a close up pic


Maybe I'm not very photogenic. 

Lots of pics of stuff that I do, etc, I'm just not in them! LOL

So I'm disqualified from the pool of desperation. Shucks


----------



## rkintn

tamarackreg said:


> Maybe I'm not very photogenic.
> 
> Lots of pics of stuff that I do, etc, I'm just not in them! LOL
> 
> So I'm disqualified from the pool of desperation. Shucks



Same here! I love love LOVE photography. I'm constantly taking pictures of my friends and family. I HATE to have my picture taken, so much so that it had become a bit of a running joke among my friends and family. Oh well!


----------



## FarmboyBill

Amazing. It dosent bother me at all to have my pic taken. If someone as out of shape and old as I don't mind, I have to wonder why women much younger than I should have something about them that causes them to hate having their pic taken.

I would say that most men think that women like to have their pics taken, or at least most of them, as men perceive women to be much prettier then they themselves do, and so, when a woman advoids having pics of herself they get to wondering why. They usually find answers that develop in their minds eye.


----------



## newfieannie

I hate having pics taken also always have! I have probably one in the last 10 years and that's out in the field on my 4-wheeler. I do however take pics. every day. mostly of food and plants. ~Georgia


----------



## Twp.Tom

***** Sometimes, I am a bit of an exhibitionist! lol, Here's my mug the other day! 

I prefer pictures of my Sweetie***


----------



## wdcutrsdaughter

Here's a crazy story for ya online dating folks

I met my husband off craigslist

No really, I did. When I was single and had a lot of time on my hands I read and read and read craigslist for entertainment so when his post popped up I could tell it was real and he was in the same town as me!

8 years later we're married. (dated 1, then I moved into his house and then he proposed.)

so never say never.


----------



## Darren

Suncatcher said:


> Hey yall.  I'm not on any online dating sites but, I have been in the past and I agree with FarmboyBill. If they aren't serious enough to write about themselves extensively in their profile *and add a picture to an email* then their effort level says a lot about them and their intentions. So, that's definitely a red flag.


That's where a lot of women get cautious. I emailed a woman who had similar interests but no picture. Apparently most guys thought that meant she wasn't exactly easy on the eyes. When I did receive a picture, she was a knockout at least to me. You never know, 

Taking an absent picture the wrong way seems to be common.


----------



## FarmboyBill

Well, by taking it that way, its a form of insurance, and if the person is good looking, there just hurting themselves. Myself, I don't like suprises, ESPECIALLY from women.


----------



## Darren

FarmboyBill said:


> Well, by taking it that way, its a form of insurance, and if the person is good looking, there just hurting themselves.  Myself, I don't like suprises, ESPECIALLY from women.


That may be Bill. On the other hand, how do the women know you aren't a two-legged cootie?


----------



## Suncatcher

Darren said:


> That's where a lot of women get cautious. I emailed a woman who had similar interests but no picture. Apparently most guys thought that meant she wasn't exactly easy on the eyes. When I did receive a picture, she was a knockout at least to me. You never know,
> 
> Taking an absent picture the wrong way seems to be common.


I do agree Darren.  My main point of what I consider a red flag is the lack of effort put into the profiles Here's what I done. I would write extensively about myself and would keep my pictures private. Not because of anything to do with my appearance but, because I wanted someone to be interested in the other aspects of me. But you are right some see no picture and think thats a red flag for them. When I would flip through profiles, a guy could be gorgeous but if all you can think of to say is: "I just like to have a good time. Message me if you wanna know more." Then red flag for those of us who are looking for soooooo much more.


----------



## Suncatcher

I did not hide my pictures to be deceiving. I hid my pictures to cull out the superficial so how can that hurt me..  If a guy took the time to read my profile and thought I was interesting and messaged me then my reply would have my pictures attached.


----------



## FarmboyBill

I guess then, that the gals sending their pics, or their pics of there dogs, horses, cows, flowers, think that the pics mean they don't need to have a profile.


----------



## FarmboyBill

I ws killing time on FO tonight, and looked up the zip where I was born raised. Found a gal with the last name of a guy we went to HS with.. Since she didnt give a profile other than to say that she was living on a farm and was 63, I asked her
What causes you to say that your a FARM girl?? And, Could you be Charlies sister.

Don't even know if he had one. he was a year younger than me, in my bros class. She could be in that family by marriage for all I know. O well.
Sure were a slug of women from St Joseph, and 1/2 of them at least said they were farmers. That's farming country. Ill have to dip my bait in that pool lol.


----------



## Terri

St. Joseph Missouri? 

In that area, a farmer is sometimes a person who raises cattle, just so you know.


----------



## Laura Zone 5

Darren said:


> That's where a lot of women get cautious. I emailed a woman who had similar interests but no picture. Apparently most guys thought that meant she wasn't exactly easy on the eyes. When I did receive a picture, she was a knockout at least to me. You never know,
> 
> Taking an absent picture the wrong way seems to be common.


Agree
A gf of mine, who is no beauty queen, but, not a hound either, didn't want her face out there; not just yet (she was new to the online dating thing, and being in realestate she was pretty public) 
So a couple guys got real pushy about 'show me a photo w/ your face' (she had 3-4 pictures of herself online but none showing her face).
She popped one onto her profile for just a few min for him to see, then took it down; After that, then the guy she had texted with that asked for the photo started to get a little loose lipped......she quit communication.

But his comment was "well you're not ugly, why don't you put a selfie online".

That was AFTER she explained she was in real estate and very much in the public and wasn't ready to plaster her face all over the dating sites....she just wasn't comfortable and that the most important part of her was NOT her face, but her heart. 

Shallow Hal YO!


----------



## FarmboyBill

That's true Terri. We raised cattle when I was home. Nothing wrong with that, just so that they have experience raising crops also. AND I think nearly ALL farmers/ranchers up their raise crops with their cattle.


----------



## roadless

I am not a farmer. I grew up in a small town. I do have a willing spirit, interest and love to learn. On my profile I put that I am a farmer wanna be!

A man I dated in Massachusetts when I lived there, he still still laughs about the time when I tried to pull straw from a calf .....and it was the umbilical cord! Who knew? :ashamed:

Point being, I am willing and able to learn. Skills can be taught......not so sure if that is true about having a kind heart. &#9825;


----------



## FarmboyBill

Having a kind heart can be learned like anything else. Just, as with anything else, one has to want to learn.


----------



## RichNC

FarmboyBill said:


> I asked her What causes you to say that your a FARM girl??


Is this how you want people/women to approach you Bill? I don't see you scoring many points with questions like that.


----------



## FarmboyBill

I don't want gals to give me points. I want validation.


----------



## coolrunnin

FarmboyBill said:


> I don't want gals to give me points. I want validation.


What parts of you do you think deserve their validation?
Or are you expecting them to validate your beliefs?


----------



## RichNC

FarmboyBill said:


> I don't want gals to give me points. I want validation.


Validation for what, for having a profile on FO? For having a picture in the profile, what??


----------



## WolfWalksSoftly

[YOUTUBE]uHD4kGY7tbs[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## Laura Zone 5

FBB I just don't know how you are still single?


----------



## oneraddad




----------



## Laura Zone 5

There are TONS and TONS of females (35-50) that are looking for what you are offering, so I don't understand why you are still single?

How many 'dates' have you been on (from a dating site) and do you find it's very 'bait and switch'? 
Meaning, they say one thing on line, then when you actually meet them, it's a totally different thing???

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/better-living-technology/201408/why-the-online-trolls-troll


----------



## MattB4

Laura Zone 5 said:


> There are TONS and TONS of females (35-50) ...


Very few are in the ton range. I tend to draw the line when you start talking multiples of 100 pounds of weight. However you do bring up a complete Red Flag Profile issue.


----------



## Laura Zone 5

MattB4 said:


> Very few are in the ton range. I tend to draw the line when you start talking multiples of 100 pounds of weight. However you do bring up a complete Red Flag Profile issue.


The bait and switch?


----------



## RichNC

Laura Zone 5 said:


> There are TONS and TONS of females (35-50) that are looking for what you are offering, so I don't understand why you are still single?
> 
> How many 'dates' have you been on (from a dating site) and do you find it's very 'bait and switch'?
> Meaning, they say one thing on line, then when you actually meet them, it's a totally different thing???
> 
> https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/better-living-technology/201408/why-the-online-trolls-troll


Maybe I should have had more coffee this morning, but what does the link posted have to do with on-line dating Ms. Laura?


----------



## frogmammy

She was pointing out what she was doing?

Mon


----------



## Suncatcher

Laura Zone 5 said:


> There are TONS and TONS of females (35-50) that are looking for what you are offering, so I don't understand why you are still single?
> 
> How many 'dates' have you been on (from a dating site) and do you find it's very 'bait and switch'?
> Meaning, they say one thing on line, then when you actually meet them, it's a totally different thing???
> 
> https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/better-living-technology/201408/why-the-online-trolls-troll


Wow...very interesting. Thanks for sharing that Laura.  I'm not much about online social media. I never have got into the facebook fad. As far as online dating. I think I'll just keep leaving it up to the man up stairs. If he wants me with somebody, he'll have to send him smack-dab face to face with me..lol. What little I have tried online dating it didn't do so good for me. But, if I was on FO or something and seen a header that said USER; I'd RUN, RUN, RUN!!! Hehehe.


----------



## wr

I was told that user it the site designation for fully paid members that sets them apart from the free accounts.


----------



## FarmboyBill

IF that's the case, they sure need to make some other kind of designation

Rich. Im looking for women who say they are farm gals to prove it to me by telling me of their farm experiences. What they do, what they can do, what they wont do, ect

Laura I havnt had a date since 91


----------



## Laura Zone 5

FarmboyBill said:


> IF that's the case, they sure need to make some other kind of designation
> 
> Rich. Im looking for women who say they are farm gals to prove it to me by telling me of their farm experiences. What they do, what they can do, what they wont do, ect
> 
> *Laura I havnt had a date since 9*1


Why not? Have you not asked, or are you not that interested? 
Seriously, I'm not being a horses buttocks. I don't understand why?


----------



## FarmboyBill

I havnt asked for 2 reasons, My age, and I wont get snagged by another city gal. I know, being a libra, that I fall way too easy. That may not be true by now, but I don't want to find out.
I mention my age, cause Im afraid of rejection, of being told Im too old, ect.

I don't like the idea of dating somebody enough to know that im not for her, or visa versa, and drop her when she may think im the greatest guy there is. I HATE hurting someones feelings, UNLESS they've deserved it.


----------



## Nsoitgoes

FarmboyBill said:


> IF that's the case, they sure need to make some other kind of designation
> 
> Rich. Im looking for women who say they are farm gals to prove it to me by telling me of their farm experiences. What they do, what they can do, what they wont do, ect
> 
> *Perhaps if you simply talked to them instead of demanding proof of their claims you would have better luck.*
> 
> 
> Laura I havnt had a date since 91[/QUOTE
> 
> I find it really hard to believe that someone who is seriously looking for a partner can't find a single suitable date in over 20 years.


----------



## Terri

Nsoitgoes, once bitten, twice shy. Bill has been divorced more than once, and he is very cautious now.


----------



## FarmboyBill

Sure I coulda have found LOTsa women in those years, BUT I couldn't have found one self declared FARM woman in all those years.


Overly cautious now, but, that's the way it goes.


----------



## Nsoitgoes

That's depressing.


----------



## Lazerus

Sometimes you have to give a little to get a little. If you want it all, you have to give it all. You'll need to decide if you want, or if you're content to live your own life with no surrenders at all.
Think twice. You will not find your "dream partner" You'll have to find somebody, do some give and take, and become "dream partners" . 

You can't get a flower, unless you plant a seed and do a little work. 

Midway in our lifeâs journey I went astray
from the straight road and woke to find myself
alone in a dark wood.

The Divine Comedy: Inferno


----------



## FarmboyBill

As to your first para, SOMETIMES YOU DONT>


----------



## Lazerus

Which exactly explains your predicament. Quit whining, you got what you worked for. You made your life. You might as well enjoy the fruits of your labour.


----------



## FarmboyBill

Where do you see im whining. I got what I worked for.


----------



## FarmboyBill

I got to be alone cause I know that I fall to easy, too hard. Im alone cause That's easier than to tell a woman ive been dating a couple months that I don't see no future with her, and so, I am ending the relationship regardless of how she may feel for me. Im alone cause I finally realized that finding a farm gal was impossible . Im on FO to see if Im wrong.


----------



## tamarackreg

Lazerus said:


> Which exactly explains your predicament. Quit whining, you got what you worked for. You made your life. You might as well enjoy the fruits of your labour.


A good friend of mine asks why (and how, lol) I have not had any romantic encounters in the past few years.

I tell her I get out of it what I put into it. :cowboy:


----------



## rkintn

tamarackreg said:


> A good friend of mine asks why (and how, lol) I have not had any romantic encounters in the past few years.
> 
> I tell her I get out of it what I put into it. :cowboy:



I think that is true for most of us


----------



## FarmboyBill

yup, that's about it


----------



## wr

FarmboyBill said:


> I got to be alone cause I know that I fall to easy, too hard. Im alone cause That's easier than to tell a woman ive been dating a couple months that I don't see no future with her, and so, I am ending the relationship regardless of how she may feel for me. Im alone cause I finally realized that finding a farm gal was impossible . Im on FO to see if Im wrong.


I'd love to see you find someone wonderful but I think you've spent so much time convincing yourself that you're going to get hurt that you've made things much more difficult for yourself. 

You're always said that you're a flawed human being and yet you're looking for someone with no flaws and she must fit and absolute perfect formula and quite honestly I did too at one time. 

My kids signed me up for a dating site after my separation and I looked, just as you do and often came across a guy that listed his profession as a truck driver who just wanted to meet for conversation and coffee and I don't know how many times I overlooked that profile because I wanted nothing to do with a guy that was gone all the time and likely had a woman in every city. 

Time and circumstances brought that very same 'truck driver' and I together and I discovered he's an amazingly humble man who just happens to be fiercely loyal, we enjoy many of the same activities, he respects those of mine he doesn't enjoy, he treats me like I'm gold and my only regret is that I didn't respond to him three years sooner.

I'm flawed and so is he but if either of us had stuck to our firm formulas, we'd likely never have met.


----------



## simi-steading

I'm no longer single, but to answer the question... Just the fact they are using a dating site.. 

I mean.. come on.. Seriously.. .I've never known ANY girl that had trouble meeting guys... I've known way too many girls who complained that any guy they'd meet was pretty much hitting on them... and some of these girls I can't see too many guys want to do that with them (shrug)... BUT, to back that up, I have sat and watched guys do just that.... If you are female and breathing, you're pretty much fair game it seems.... Funny, once getting married, when I watch people meet now.. OH MAN.. I hope I wasn't as bad as a lot of what I see... DOH!


----------



## Nsoitgoes

simi-steading said:


> I'm no longer single, but to answer the question... Just the fact they are using a dating site..
> 
> I mean.. come on.. Seriously.. .I've never known ANY girl that had trouble meeting guys... I've known way too many girls who complained that any guy they'd meet was pretty much hitting on them... and some of these girls I can't see too many guys want to do that with them (shrug)... BUT, to back that up, I have sat and watched guys do just that.... If you are female and breathing, you're pretty much fair game it seems.... Funny, once getting married, when I watch people meet now.. OH MAN.. I hope I wasn't as bad as a lot of what I see... DOH!


Well there's meeting guys and "meeting" guys. I would never respond to someone who "hit up" on me. You say it all when you say "If you are breathing, you're pretty much fair game". I don't want to be fair game and I will not be. I want to be seen as an individual and I expect, no - demand - to be treated with respect.

If a man cannot show respect for a woman and she is willing to accept that then he gets the woman he deserves.

I may well go to my grave a dried up old prune for my beliefs, but I'd rather do that than be treated in so cavalier a manner.


----------



## roadless

:clap:You summed it up very well Nsoitgoes!


----------



## FarmboyBill

yup, I guess I think the same


----------



## Laura Zone 5

Nsoitgoes said:


> Well there's meeting guys and "meeting" guys. I would never respond to someone who "hit up" on me. You say it all when you say "If you are breathing, you're pretty much fair game". I don't want to be fair game and I will not be. I want to be seen as an individual and I expect, no - demand - to be treated with respect.
> 
> *If a man cannot show respect for a woman and she is willing to accept that then he gets the woman he deserves.*
> 
> I may well go to my grave a dried up old prune for my beliefs, but I'd rather do that than be treated in so cavalier a manner.


I cannot like that statement enough!!!

Maybe that's why you see so many 'singles' (male and female) over 50?
They are not willing to 'settle' or compromise their self dignity?


----------



## MattB4

Laura Zone 5 said:


> ...
> 
> Maybe that's why you see so many 'singles' (male and female) over 50?
> They are not willing to 'settle' or compromise their self dignity?


More likely it is a natural response to diminished sexual drive.


----------



## roadless

MattB4 said:


> More likely it is a natural response to diminished sexual drive.


Sex is a wonderful part of relationships, and I certainly miss it, but I also miss the day to day interactions with a partner.


----------



## Laura Zone 5

MattB4 said:


> More likely it is a natural response to diminished sexual drive.


Is that why the majority of men online 50 an older are seeking females 21 and up?
Maybe it's that little blue pill fixes that problem and has the men looking at females their daughters / grand daughters ages??

Roadless, you are so right, making love is a very important part of a committed relationship......two people sharing their most private, and deepest part of themselves with one another; heck yeah that's important.
There's a huge difference between making love and just satisfying ones primal urge. 
Women w/ any self respect know that their worth does not reside inbetween their legs.......(Read: Self Dignity)
Men with any respect, would not treat a woman in such a way.......


----------



## MattB4

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Is that why the majority of men online 50 an older are seeking females 21 and up?...


 Yes.


Laura Zone 5 said:


> Men with any respect, would not treat a woman in such a way.......


Men are driven by hormones as much as women are. It indeed colors how we react with women. Respect, need for friends or desire for companionship is a different drive people have. That is part of our socializing needs.

When I was younger sex was perhaps on my mind only 99% of the time but once I got over 50 it is way down to maybe only 75%. Freed up a lot of time to think about other stuff.


----------



## Laura Zone 5

MattB4 said:


> Yes.
> Men are driven by hormones as much as women are. It indeed colors how we react with women. Respect, need for friends or desire for companionship is a different drive people have. That is part of our socializing needs.
> 
> When I was younger sex was perhaps on my mind only 99% of the time but once I got over 50 it is way down to maybe only 75%. Freed up a lot of time to think about other stuff.


So you are saying diminished sex drive for 50 and olders is why there are so many over 50's singles *-vs-* 50 and olders are less willing to settle or compromise their dignity........ is based upon a 24% reduction in the amount of time males thoughts are consumed with sex?

Yet, men 50 and up seek women as young as 21 years old over and over and over again on online dating services?
That goes against the above thought process......

Help me understand.


----------



## FarmboyBill

I think that MOST men over 60 seek women 30 and up/ BUT, I suppose most of us know one who does, and has landed one, and so, everybody looks at him with either hatred or envy lol.


----------



## FarmboyBill

REWRITEE THE ABOVE
I think that MOST men over 60 DONT seek women 30 and below.

Im resetting boundry line fence by reusing the old boundry line fence, which means im handling the fence twice. IM TIRED>


----------



## MattB4

Laura Zone 5 said:


> ...
> Yet, men 50 and up seek women as young as 21 years old over and over and over again on online dating services?
> That goes against the above thought process......
> 
> Help me understand.


It actually goes along with a diminished sex drive. The young woman has more sex appeal (youth) to drive a even a diminished desire, sorta like a new car has over a perfectly functional used car. There is also the added drive of getting a "trophy" or "hey, I might be old but I still got it that I can attract a younger woman" working. Egos do not diminish much with age.


----------



## roadless

Well MattB4, if that is the case, I am hoping to find the exception to the rule. 
One who sees the beauty of my years.


----------



## MattB4

roadless said:


> Well MattB4, if that is the case, I am hoping to find the exception to the rule.
> One who sees the beauty of my years.


Certainly possible. Along with desire comes practicality. Take me for instance. I would never put down a age younger than I am for a desired woman. I can not afford a younger gal without winning the lottery. Indeed, although I am 57, I would probably put down seeking 80 and older. At my present state of poverty and failing looks I simply could not attract a better mate. :happy2:

Some folks are realistic about things.


----------



## newfieannie

57 is just a young man! why would you want an 80 year old ? unless of course she was in excellent shape and looked 50. even then there's too much of an age difference. I tried it but the other way around. besides there are woman around 57 or so who have their own money and are willing to share . for some people money is not the be all and end all. they just want a good man to go the last few miles with. unless of course you're a taker and most women would figure that out pretty quick. as for looks. how bad can it be? my dear love had to practically put a bag over his head to go out but I loved him to distraction. ~Georgia


----------



## Nsoitgoes

FarmboyBill said:


> I think that MOST men over 60 seek women 30 and up/ BUT, I suppose most of us know one who does, and has landed one, and so, everybody looks at him with either hatred or envy lol.


I have known 2 or 3 older men who have "landed" young women. But these men were not just old, they were rich. Keeping said young things required a constant stream of expensive presents.

Far from hatred or envy, most people viewed these old fools with pity.


----------



## FarmboyBill

You read my firs5t post, not my second.


----------



## RichNC

FarmboyBill said:


> You read my firs5t post, not my second.


Bill, what age range do you have on your FO account??


----------



## roadless

I am going on a date tomorrow with a man from FO.
He is two years younger than me.
His ex was 12 years younger and left him for a man her age, after being married for 9 years.


----------



## newfieannie

depends on the situation and the people involved. every case is different. sometimes it just works. we have a gentleman about 6 doors up. he's over 80. she's quite a lot younger. 40 years or so. 

he is a retired judge. well liked by everyone around. nobody pities him or calls him an old fool. furthest thing from our minds. she works like a dog. planting the gardens and whatnot. takes excellent care of him also. not that he needs it. he is in great shape. looks to be about 50. ~Georgia


----------



## FarmboyBill

Rich, I put 45 to 60


----------



## roadless

How old are you Bill?


----------



## RichNC

FarmboyBill said:


> Rich, I put 45 to 60


And you are 68 right, what would you and a 45 year old woman have in common? Might be better to set it from 65 to 75 and actually be realistic!


----------



## MattB4

newfieannie said:


> ... as for looks. how bad can it be? ...


Brings up a humorous incidence from my past when I was in my late 20's in the Navy. I was 6'-3" tall but I tend to look smaller because of my body shape. However seeing me close up can startle a person. 

Any rate, I was walking between barracks one day and happen to overtake this young lady (enlisted like myself) from behind due to my longer stride. Back when I was young I use to move with almost utter silence so the gal was unaware that I was behind her. That is until I was right next to her (about to step around) and she happened to turn about and spot me. She let out a scream that would curl your hair and proved human levitation was possible by achieving at least several feet above the ground in altitude. I busted up laughing so hard I thought I would split a gut. I sensed my laughter had not impressed her as being appropriate to the scare she had gotten from seeing me unexpectedly. 

So ever since than I figured I must look so bad that it terrifies women and small children.


----------



## Laura Zone 5

MattB4 said:


> It actually goes along with a diminished sex drive. The young woman has more sex appeal (youth) to drive a even a diminished desire, sorta like a new car has over a perfectly functional used car. There is also the added drive of* getting a "trophy*" or "hey, I might be old but I still got it that I can attract a younger woman" working.* Egos do not diminish much with age.*


So we circle back to what I said:

Lots of singles over 50 are single because they will not 'settle or compromise their dignity'.

Diminished Sex Drive? Not quite.


----------



## Laura Zone 5

RichNC said:


> And you are 68 right, what would you and a 45 year old woman have in common? Might be better to set it from 65 to 75 and actually be realistic!


At 50, my age spread is 45-55.
I figured in those 10 years, we are comparable in life experiences, maturity, etc.

Where I work, the other severs / bartender are half my age.
I'll go out, have a beer w/ them, etc; but they come to me for advice, they are finishing degrees and getting ready for the big bad world.
They live in a world of technology and social media, connected to their phones, or Iwatches, or whatever electronic they can get their hands on.....
They think food comes from the grocery store! lol
I have absolutely nothing in common with someone age 25-35......

IMHO I have raised my kids; I'm not in the market to raise another.
lol


----------



## MattB4

Laura Zone 5 said:


> So we circle back to what I said:
> 
> Lots of singles over 50 are single because they will not 'settle or compromise their dignity'.
> 
> Diminished Sex Drive? Not quite.


You miss my point. When a persons sex drive is large they are forced to be searching. When it is not they can accept being single. Don't conflate someone asking for a younger partner on a singles site, and not willing to consider older, as having anything to do with dignity. It is about the "shiny".


----------



## FarmboyBill

Yes, its MUCH easier to be single and to be content with it IF you have a diminished sex drive, andn if you can HANDle matters yourself, thanks to the puter. lol


----------



## Truckinguy

I think there are studies out there that show that someone (male or female) who is in a relationship with a much younger person can find that it reinvigorates their life and can actually add years to their lifespan. Young women who end up in a relationship with a much older guy are likely looking for financial security which isn't really bad in and of itself as long as the man is getting the companionship satisfaction that he wants. Women mature sexually in their forties and men in their twenties so it's not much of a mystery there as to why older women are attracted to younger guys. If a young person marries a much older person with the primary motivation of giving themselves a better life who are we to judge?

Marriage for deep romantic love is a relatively new concept although I'm sure love has always been there in some form. Marriages in the past have been far more likely to be for other reasons than love. Marriages have been for social, political or financial gain.


----------



## newfieannie

been going on for eons. women were scarce back in GGF time. he just took his horse and cart and went looking around the countryside. mostly woods back then. found a farmer dirt poor with several daughters. mostly living in a one room shack. after a very short time he just said "i'll take that one" or words to that effect. and according to my father she wasn't long grabbing her duds and getting in that buggy. my GG had land and a nice solid house and was hard working same as all my people. what he didn't have was a good woman by his side. they had 50 or 60 years together. father said they were happy as 2 bugs in a rug. ~Georgia


----------



## FarmboyBill

Truckinguy, I had a gal at home with me in 91. She was 29, and I was 44 therebouts. She did make me feel young, as she was the perfect farm gal. Stayed all spring and summer. Left one day when I was at work. Left a letter saying more or less that she loved me, but was homesick. Ive forgotten what else. BUTT
She did make me feel younger. I felt invigorated to do more on the farm to impress and please her. I helped start a Farmers Mkt in town, in which she was interested in, and we grew and sold a big 90sq garden.


----------



## roadless

Well, I just drove about 90 miles to meet the farmer. We had brunch, went to an antique shop, and took a nice walk by the river.
I was a bit nervous at first but fortunately I'm not shy and he was easy to talk to. 
It was clear he was not yet over his ex.......
That makes seeing him again tricky.....


----------



## FarmboyBill

Annie, I thought about doing what your GG did when I lived in S Mo. Thought id put an ad in the paper stating what I was looking for. Then I realized that likely, most people living there couldn't afford the paper, same as I couldn't and it would be a waste.


----------



## frogmammy

roadless said:


> Well, I just drove about 90 miles to meet the farmer. We had brunch, went to an antique shop, and took a nice walk by the river.
> I was a bit nervous at first but fortunately I'm not shy and he was easy to talk to.
> It was clear he was not yet over his ex.......
> That makes seeing him again tricky.....


Might be nice for just meeting to have some lunch every now and then, maybe do a little running around together. Become friends....if it goes somewhere, fine, but if it doesn't, you have made a friend!

Mon


----------



## roadless

True, it is always nice to have friends.


----------



## FarmboyBill

Sometime Im going to have to ask the question of which sex likes to have friends around more, men or women.


----------



## Laura Zone 5

MattB4 said:


> You miss my point. When a persons sex drive is large they are forced to be searching. When it is not they can accept being single. Don't conflate someone asking for a younger partner on a singles site, and not willing to consider older, as having anything to do with dignity. It is about the "shiny".


Men's sex drive in the 20's is at it's peak
Women's sex drive in their 40's is at it's peak.

So because of this sex drive, men and women are forced to search and find sex to satisfy this need?

So men in the 20's seeking makes sense, they are at their peak.
Women in the 40's seeking makes sense, they are at their peak.

That still, does not explain, why so many men 50+ are seeking women 21 and up.

The dignity part is where women do not accept "wow you're hawt" or "I'm a pretty sought after guy, we need to hook up soon so no one wastes their time" type lines.
Back in the 'old days' lol, the lame pick up lines (do you come here often) were lame, but just an ackward way to start conversation; Today?
They are crass, and classless.

And that's where the dignity part comes in. 
Have a little self respect!! 
Those that do, seem to still be single.......


----------



## MattB4

Laura Zone 5 said:


> ...
> And that's where the dignity part comes in.
> Have a little self respect!!
> Those that do, seem to still be single.......


So you are saying that men need to be crass and toss out pickup lines to be successful with the ladies? Must be why I am still single. Way too much self respect. 

On a somewhat tangential issue. I happened to catch a commercial this morning on tv while getting the news. It involved Valentines day and was exhorting men to buy their mate a large teddy bear. It showed all kinds of Hawt women writhing with sexual delight as they hugged and stroked this large teddy bear that their guys had bought for them for Valentines day. 

I just thought to myself , "What kind of adult woman is going to be excited by getting a teddy bear?" I mean really! It is not like the woman pictured were 6 years old or showed signs of mental retardation. There must be a part of this whole male and female mating ritual that eludes me.


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## Laura Zone 5

MattB4 said:


> So you are saying that men need to be crass and toss out pickup lines to be successful with the ladies? Must be why I am still single. Way too much self respect.


On the contrary.
I am saying that women who have any self respect will not even acknowledge such an advance. 
Sadly in the world today, this is a "normal" pick up line, because so many woman have no self respect.
Hence, why, there are so many over 50, who are single.




> On a somewhat tangential issue. I happened to catch a commercial this morning on tv while getting the news. It involved Valentines day and was exhorting men to buy their mate a large teddy bear. It showed all kinds of Hawt women writhing with sexual delight as they hugged and stroked this large teddy bear that their guys had bought for them for Valentines day.


I loathe Hallmark Holidays.
Loathe.
Gifts or money exchanged for sex is prostitution. Period.
Again, women have trained men to 'buy and then you get' and men assume all women are 'buy and you get'.
Not all of us are from the shallow end......:goodjob:



> I just thought to myself , *"What kind of adult woman is going to be excited by getting a teddy bear?*" I mean really! It is not like the woman pictured were 6 years old or showed signs of mental retardation. There must be a part of this whole male and female mating ritual that eludes me.


Media conditioning.

Purchase excitement?
Maybe a new tiller, then he stands behind me, closely, while showing me how to operate it; allows me to take it for a spin solo, while watching to make sure I don't grind my foot off, then he gets on the ground w/ me while I handle the soil to make sure it's the consistency I am looking for; all the while knowing by the look in his eyes, that I am a pretty big deal in his life?
Priceless.

Non Tangible excitement?
"Good morning baby" in my ear as I am making breakfast, the smile and looks exchanged across the breakfast table as we discuss our day (indiviually or collectively) warm hug and a kiss on the forehead as we part ways for the day; a warm genuine smile when he comes thru the door and smells dinner.....a deep soulful hug that says "man am I glad I am home and you are here" that is genuinely reciprocated..........

THAT'S the good stuff......


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## MattB4

Laura Zone 5 said:


> ...
> 
> Purchase excitement?
> Maybe a new tiller, then he stands behind me, closely, while showing me how to operate it; allows me to take it for a spin solo, while watching to make sure I don't grind my foot off, then he gets on the ground w/ me while I handle the soil to make sure it's the consistency I am looking for; all the while knowing by the look in his eyes, that I am a pretty big deal in his life?
> Priceless.
> 
> ...


So you are saying some women get excited by extravagant purchases for them and shallow overt displays of male sexual yearnings? I will keep that in mind.


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## oneraddad

I'm sure glad I don't live where the youth are lazy, men are dirt bags and women have no self respect.


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## newfieannie

MattB4 said:


> So you are saying that men need to be crass and toss out pickup lines to be successful with the ladies? Must be why I am still single. Way too much self respect.
> 
> On a somewhat tangential issue. I happened to catch a commercial this morning on tv while getting the news. It involved Valentines day and was exhorting men to buy their mate a large teddy bear. It showed all kinds of Hawt women writhing with sexual delight as they hugged and stroked this large teddy bear that their guys had bought for them for Valentines day.
> 
> I just thought to myself , "What kind of adult woman is going to be excited by getting a teddy bear?" I mean really! It is not like the woman pictured were 6 years old or showed signs of mental retardation. There must be a part of this whole male and female mating ritual that eludes me.


forget the teddy bear. I always asked for composted manure myself. I'm almost certain I have another half ton truckload on the way again for this year.~Georgia


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## Terri

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Gifts or money exchanged for sex is prostitution. Period


40+ years ago a young man was surprised that I was so thrilled when he gave me one rose on Valentines day.

Honestly, it usually really *IS* the thought that counts, and one red rose from a potential BF was PERFECT! It does not have to be anything splashy, regardless of what the florists say!


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## roadless

For me it is thrilling when I am on the receiving end of someone's undivided attention. 
I think we have all experienced being with someone who is distracted, whether it is the phone, surroundings or something intangible. .....
Yet for me, to be with someone who is really with me is a great gift.
I like those kinds of connections. .....way better than stuff!


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## painterswife

I see some self fulfilling opinions here.

I met my husband on line. Neither of us expects compensation for anything we do for each other. Neither of us buys each other presents. We only need each other. Neither of us looked for the problems, we looked for the good things.

I think you get what you put out there. You may think you know what you are putting out there but the results speak for themselves.


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## roadless

Love this tale.....along the lines of what painterswife was saying too.


The Two Travelers and the Farmer

A traveler came upon an old farmer hoeing in his field beside the road. Eager to rest his feet, the wanderer hailed the countryman, who seemed happy enough to straighten his back and talk for a moment.
"What sort of people live in the next town?" asked the stranger.

"What were the people like where you've come from?" replied the farmer, answering the question with another question.

"They were a bad lot. Troublemakers all, and lazy too. The most selfish people in the world, and not a one of them to be trusted. I'm happy to be leaving the scoundrels."

"Is that so?" replied the old farmer. "Well, I'm afraid that you'll find the same sort in the next town.

Disappointed, the traveler trudged on his way, and the farmer returned to his work.

Some time later another stranger, coming from the same direction, hailed the farmer, and they stopped to talk. "What sort of people live in the next town?" he asked.

"What were the people like where you've come from?" replied the farmer once again.

"They were the best people in the world. Hard working, honest, and friendly. I'm sorry to be leaving them."

"Fear not," said the farmer. "You'll find the same sort in the next town."

Source: Personal recollection, Idaho, about 1950.


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## frogmammy

Laura Zone 5 said:


> ....Back in the 'old days' lol, the lame pick up lines (do you come here often) were lame, but just an ackward way to start conversation; Today?
> They are crass, and classless.....


Oh, please! Pick up lines were crass and classless THEN too.

Mon


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## Laura Zone 5

Laura Zone 5 said:


> On the contrary.
> I am saying that women who have any self respect will not even acknowledge such an advance.
> Sadly in the world today, this is a "normal" pick up line, because so many woman have no self respect.
> Hence, why, there are so many over 50, who are single.
> 
> 
> *I loathe Hallmark Holidays.
> Loathe.*
> Gifts or money exchanged for sex is prostitution. Period.
> Again, women have trained men to 'buy and then you get' and men assume all women are 'buy and you get'.
> Not all of us are from the shallow end......:goodjob:
> 
> Media conditioning.
> 
> *Purchase excitement?*
> Maybe a new tiller, then he stands behind me, closely, while showing me how to operate it; allows me to take it for a spin solo, while watching to make sure I don't grind my foot off, then he gets on the ground w/ me while I handle the soil to make sure it's the consistency I am looking for; all the while knowing by the look in his eyes, that I am a pretty big deal in his life?
> Priceless.
> 
> *Non Tangible excitement?*
> "Good morning baby" in my ear as I am making breakfast, the smile and looks exchanged across the breakfast table as we discuss our day (indiviually or collectively) warm hug and a kiss on the forehead as we part ways for the day; a warm genuine smile when he comes thru the door and smells dinner.....a deep soulful hug that says "man am I glad I am home and you are here" that is genuinely reciprocated..........
> 
> THAT'S the good stuff......





MattB4 said:


> So you are saying some women get excited by extravagant purchases for them and shallow overt displays of male sexual yearnings? I will keep that in mind.


So you're one of them.......
Cafeteria listener. 
Pick out what you want to hear / read into it what you want it to say, then say "AH HA SEE".

If you quoted my whole post, you would see that I gave two examples......one that included a purchase (which addressed your "what grown woman gets excited about a stuffed teddy bear) and then my own example of a non tangible example....

I thought we were having an adult discussion, and exchange of thoughts and opinions; clearly not, as I see the woodwork has exposed usual infestation.

Froggy; I never said that there were not crass pu lines 'back then' so I am not sure why you had to be so hateful.......I wasn't dating in the 70's so maybe guys DID walk up to women and say "hey wana go out in the alley and hook up" on the regular?


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## MattB4

Good fortune.


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## oneraddad

Water seeks its own level...


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## Twp.Tom

Hank had some pick-up lines![ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95aP0OWx4jY[/ame]


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## Twp.Tom

Come on Baby light my fire! [ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sb27l41e6E[/ame]


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