# You know you've failed *housekeeping* when ...



## SFM in KY (May 11, 2002)

Was just thinking about this today and I can really come up with several for this list but I think #1 has to be this:

1. When you have to search all the closets to find the vacuum cleaner because you can't remember where you put it the last time it was used.


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## am1too (Dec 30, 2009)

SFM in KY said:


> Was just thinking about this today and I can really come up with several for this list but I think #1 has to be this:
> 
> 1. When you have to search all the closets to find the vacuum cleaner because you can't remember where you put it the last time it was used.


Not when you don't have rugs or carpet. Just sweep and mop.


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## gone-a-milkin (Mar 4, 2007)

Personally, I cannot find the Windex bottle.
I don't really even remember the last time I used it....


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## Hears The Water (Aug 2, 2002)

When your date (that ends up becoming you husband) walks into your apartment for the first time and says "It looks like a goat exploded in here!" In fact, I just walked into my kitchen and said those very words. 
God bless you and yours
Deb


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

When selling and moving seems less trouble than getting the house in shape.


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## MoonShadows (Jan 11, 2014)

When you only clean the areas your guests will see when they are sitting and chatting.


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## Harry Chickpea (Dec 19, 2008)

The roaches are packing bags and leaving because the place is too messy.

You mistake an ossified cat fur ball for a lost sock.

A burglar walks in, takes a look, turns around and leaves in disgust.

You have a 1973 Mother Earth News at your fingertips.

The path through the stacked items in the living room hasn't been dusted for years and you don't care.

"You're going to need a bigger dustpan."


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## hercsmama (Jan 15, 2004)

When the dog fur has gotten so thick on the wood floors, they feel fluffy!:hair


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## Ambereyes (Sep 6, 2004)

When the grandkids leave you notes written in the accumulated dust.


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## Helena (May 10, 2002)

when the dust ball under the kitchen table looks like a cat...???


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## nduetime (Dec 15, 2005)

I am always amused when my dust bunnies become dust orgres!


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## Wendy (May 10, 2002)

When the barn is cleaner than the house!


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## galfriend (Nov 19, 2004)

When the fur family knows "excuse me" means for them to back up, cause I'm needing to get through the house.

Juggling with the bread machine, toaster, coffee maker, electric oven, can opener. crock pot, micro wave for their turn at an outlet.


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

I open the door.


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## Kris in MI (May 30, 2002)

When you clean out the basement of the house you've lived in for 10 years, and your 16 year old dd says

"I didn't know we own a vacuum!" 

:huh:

In my defense, our house has only wood floors, which I damp mop and sweep. Which is the reason dd hasn't seen the vacuum in use since she was 6 years old.


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## dizzy (Jun 25, 2013)

I have a sign in my house. It says, MY HOUSE WAS CLEAN LAST WEEK. SORRY YOU MISSED IT.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

You know you've failed housekeeping:

when you can't move anything unless you want a Rube Goldberg demonstration.


when you can have a Christmas in July celebration anytime complete with tree and lights.


when you removed all the furniture to make housecleaning easier and you thought it wouldn't come back.


when old post-it notes minus their sticky still work on any indoor surface.


when you realize this is an endless list for your house.


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## SJSFarm (Jun 13, 2012)

When DS is playing with a punch baloon and hits the ceiling fan and dust balls fly off! He looks like he know he's about to get yelled at, while I grab the vacuum and say "keep hitting it, I need to clean that" as I 'catch' the dust bunnies in mid air while he giggles and keep hitting the fan with the baloon!


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## Harry Chickpea (Dec 19, 2008)

Your tv guide says that Jack Parr is on tonight.

The museum of natural history is interested in your mouse mummies.

The avocado seed you put in a glass of water in the window broke the window and now has avocados.


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## MS Farm Chick (Mar 19, 2011)

When it's easier to re-purchase something other than look for it.


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## Classof66 (Jul 9, 2011)

We are expecting more snow tomorrow, and I had not been to the grocery for awhile. Last night I made a grocery list, good to keep me stocked for a couple weeks. Could not find it this morning, so I made another. Time to go to town, couldn't find it either. These were left on a fairly cleaned off table. So I guessed at it. Pushed the cart and guessed. I got cat food, spray starch and my Special K and other items to total 47.00. And my raspberry bismarks, gotta have them! I think me and the cats are good. Let it snow.


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## Grandmotherbear (May 15, 2002)

where I want to said:


> When selling and moving seems less trouble than getting the house in shape.


As a young woman I had friends who did this!


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## cindy71 (Jul 7, 2008)

When you tell the kids we need to clean up and they say "Who's coming"......LOL


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## OK Yankee (Oct 30, 2005)

Now Harry, I see nothing wrong with 1973 MEN at hand. Doesn't everyone else have one?
Kris, LOL at the vacuum!
Joshie, POST OF THE DAY!!

Yankee


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## chickenista (Mar 24, 2007)

Not ME!!

But I do know someone who just built a new house further up the mountain to get out of their place because they just didn't want to even try to de-clutter it.

(I couldn't afford to do it that way)


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## big rockpile (Feb 24, 2003)

My wife disagrees with me. Back the Pickup up, start at other end of the House and start Shoveling.

big rockpile


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

where I want to said:


> When selling and moving seems less trouble than getting the house in shape.


 I've been feeling this way all week. I figured when I decided last week that I wouldn't shovel any more snow and hired someone to do it that I would have all this time on my hands to do the housework. just not happening yet. in fact I've been mulling over hiring a housekeeper in the last few hours. ~Georgia.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

dizzy said:


> I have a sign in my house. It says, MY HOUSE WAS CLEAN LAST WEEK. SORRY YOU MISSED IT.


 I bet we have the same sign. mine is on the wall as you come through the front door. it's in the shape of a house. ~Georgia.


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## Roadking (Oct 8, 2009)

Pretty much each morning I get up at 6 and get the kiddos ready for school. Never been a neat freak, but with kids, seems even tougher to remain acceptable for company...not that we invite many folks over in the first place.
Works for us.

Matt


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## cfuhrer (Jun 11, 2013)

Upon suddenly awakening from an impromptu nap you mumble something about dull women and immaculate houses.


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## Guest (Feb 4, 2014)

I once saw a sign by the front door of a home that said 
If you've come to visit , come on in
If you've come to see the house , make an appointment


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## jassytoo (May 14, 2003)

cindy71 said:


> When you tell the kids we need to clean up and they say "Who's coming"......LOL


My kids used to say that if I cleaned the windows.


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## Harry Chickpea (Dec 19, 2008)

cfuhrer, dang. I have heard about guys that had lived so many lives that they knew what to say even as they were waking up or drunk, but I never thought I would have contact with one. I'm impressed.


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## Just Little Me (Aug 9, 2007)

After 20+ years of living in the house, you find a box that never got unpacked.


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## rockin_n (Nov 18, 2009)

I love this thread! My kids always ask who's coming when I say time to clean.


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## BigHenTinyBrain (Apr 4, 2013)

We need to buy a new mop every time we want to mop. Last week (prepping for overnight guests!) hubby mopped then, as is his custom, left the mop in it's bucket of water out on the porch. Now I have a Pine-Sol flavored mopsicle!


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## bikehealer1 (Oct 8, 2009)

With a 2 and a 4 year old in the house, I clean for 3 hours on Monday and sit down for 5 minutes to watch the clutter re-appear like magic. It's scary sometimes.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

You know you've failed housekeeping when you still have your original Swiffer and dry pads in gently used condition.


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## Harry Chickpea (Dec 19, 2008)

You hire someone to help clean and they come in with a leaf blower.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

that's not so far-fetched about the boxes not unpacked. I've been here since 07 and I still have 6 boxes of Andrews belongings along one side of the den. there's stuff in there from WW1. I admit to moving them last night but only over to the other side of the room. I figured they have been there long enough and might have mold but as dry as a bone under there. i'll get at them one day. ~Georgia.


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## light rain (Jan 14, 2013)

When even the evangelizers say "they'll come back at a better time".


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## dizzy (Jun 25, 2013)

We've lived here for over 25 years, and I still have stuff that's not unpacked. eep:


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## joyfulmama (Nov 23, 2003)

when the thought of losing all your possessions in a house fire or tornado sounds appealing


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

You realize you've failed Housekeeping 101 when you see your house got listed on the Haunted Halloween House Tour.

You realize you've failed Housekeeping 101 when you see that Google Maps has listed an age requirement to view your house location.

You realize you've failed Housekeeping 101 when you're asked if that's where you live and you lie for the first time in your life.

You realize you've failed Housekeeping 101 when you're told your house got put on Forbes' Top Ten Housekeeping Disasters and you're number one.

You realize you've failed Housekeeping 101 when you see that AAA has recommended your house as a "must do" on everyone's bucket list. 

You realize you've failed Housekeeping 101 when your house gets put on the church's prayer list.


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## Jennifer L. (May 10, 2002)

When you get a new puppy and the house looks the same as it did before they arrived:


















And I just got a new GSD puppy last week, so it's going to happen again. 

And when your dining room looks like this every spring and you don't consider it a problem:


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## dizzy (Jun 25, 2013)

You know you've failed when you watch hoarders, and those houses look no worse than yours.


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## BigHenTinyBrain (Apr 4, 2013)

newfieannie said:


> that's not so far-fetched about the boxes not unpacked. I've been here since 07 and I still have 6 boxes of Andrews belongings along one side of the den. there's stuff in there from WW1. I admit to moving them last night but only over to the other side of the room. I figured they have been there long enough and might have mold but as dry as a bone under there. i'll get at them one day. ~Georgia.


:happy: Listen to this one...

When we moved out of our first house after 5 years some of the boxes contained
(drumroll please)

Dirty dishes that had been packed up in boxes and moved into the house in that condition, and were never discovered.

I threw them away. Wasteful, I know, but if I lived without them for 5 years AND faced with the prospect of trying to wash 5+ year-old meals out of them...


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## Freya (Dec 3, 2005)

Hears The Water said:


> When your date (that ends up becoming you husband) walks into your apartment for the first time and says "It looks like a goat exploded in here!" In fact, I just walked into my kitchen and said those very words.
> God bless you and yours
> Deb


Dare we ask what bits of the goat were showing? :nana:


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## Freya (Dec 3, 2005)

soulsurvivor said:


> You know you've failed housekeeping when you still have your original Swiffer and dry pads in gently used condition.


Or said Swiffer is still in it's original unopened box. Sitting next to the second Swiffer still in it's box that you bought because you forgot about the first one. :teehee:


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## TRAILRIDER (Apr 16, 2007)

Hahaha! I have a vacuum cleaner, I think. Actually its parked in the hallway and covered in dust. It needs vacuuming too.


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## TRAILRIDER (Apr 16, 2007)

Oh, JenniferL, you make me feel like a normal person! My dining room doesn't look like that, but parts of my house do. Can't wait for spring!


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## nappy (Aug 17, 2003)

You don't take photos of your pets because of the dust and wood chips on the floor that would show in the pictures. And you say (to cover your failure in housekeeping) that your kitchen is an extension of the barn. The sponge mop is frozen, covered with snow, and stuck on non-enclosed porch...must not have been used since Nov. when the snowfall started and didn't stop.


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## Sammilynn (Dec 28, 2013)

If you use this thread as rationale for not cleaning today.


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## Tabitha (Apr 10, 2006)

When the house has to be cleaned before it can be condemned.....


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## danielsumner (Jul 18, 2009)

Iâm really entertained reading these responses. I wish my DW would loosen up some. We are those people who live in immaculate houses. Everything is in its own place. She vacuums the floors and rugs every day, the laundry room several times a day. Once a week the whole house is vacuumed. Floors, baseboards, crown molding wall moldings, doors, window ect along with all the furniture. Showers are scrubbed sparkling once a week, toilets every couple of days. All stainless steel appliances and faucets are polished. Spray bottles of rubbing alcohol are at every sink to keep things clean. We go through a lot of paper towels. We donât wear outside clothes or shoes in the house. We have shoe covers for those that visit. We have a friend who is a doctor, she says our house is as sterile as sterile can get. I use to fight it, it takes less time to just go with the program.


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## dizzy (Jun 25, 2013)

I wish my house was cleaner. It is slowly getting there, but only because the kids have moved out. I have lost count of the number of truckloads of stuff I have taken out of here. Only problem being, between them and my hubby, they brought it in faster than I could get rid of it. And if I tried to get rid of anything w/hubby around that the kids used to play with, I had no luck-unless the kids put it in a box to get rid of it.


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## light rain (Jan 14, 2013)

Mr. Summer, That is a lot of work! Be grateful and give her a big kiss. (or a new stove, a vacation, or whatever she would appreciate). :clap:


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## OUVickie (Mar 8, 2003)

When you realize you could probably grow a garden in the dust on all your surfaces...


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## ArkyMack (Nov 15, 2013)

When you only drag out the dust mop to get cat toys from under the couch, then have to do the rest of the floor so it matches the clean parts.


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## kareninaustria (Dec 22, 2008)

Thanks all of you for this thread!!!!!!!!! I live in a country full of fanatical clean freaks and I was beginning to feel like I was the only one in the world with, em, "relaxed" housekeeping.

I feel LOTS better now.


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## badlander (Jun 7, 2009)

The late great Erma Bombeck used to say anyone who comes to your front door without an invitation deserves whatever mess they walk into.

I swear by that quote. I also tell folks when they walk in unexpected "pardon the mess but we live here"

I would rather see a house with dust bunnies, wood chips, pet and kid toys scattered about, unmade beds and in our case newspapers on the floor from house training two pups than see a house that is perfectly sterile. That isn't living in the real world, it's living off a page of Better Homes and Gardens.

Thanks for the laughs guys...makes me feel not so compelled to get up off the sofa and start dusting again.


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## sidepasser (May 10, 2002)

danielsumner said:


> Iâm really entertained reading these responses. I wish my DW would loosen up some. We are those people who live in immaculate houses. Everything is in its own place. She vacuums the floors and rugs every day, the laundry room several times a day. Once a week the whole house is vacuumed. Floors, baseboards, crown molding wall moldings, doors, window ect along with all the furniture. Showers are scrubbed sparkling once a week, toilets every couple of days. All stainless steel appliances and faucets are polished. Spray bottles of rubbing alcohol are at every sink to keep things clean. We go through a lot of paper towels. We donât wear outside clothes or shoes in the house. We have shoe covers for those that visit. We have a friend who is a doctor, she says our house is as sterile as sterile can get. I use to fight it, it takes less time to just go with the program.



Has your wife thought of opening a cleaning service?


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

yeah I'm with you there. my husband would not go to visit my brother. he was afraid to sit down. he always told me he wanted a house that was lived in and that's what he got with me. my bros wife would not let any children past the porch. even adults were not allowed in the living room. as far as I know they sat in the kitchen. not many visitors to that house. and where is she now? my bro is killing himself trying to look after her because she doesn't want anyone in .they might mess up her house ~Georgia


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## Alice In TX/MO (May 10, 2002)

I wonder how much it would cost us to rotate danielsummer's wife around the country a week at a time. Meals/tickets/private bedroom included.


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## Lisa in WA (Oct 11, 2004)

I'm not a neat freak by any stretch but I do vacuum if not every day, every other day. It's a smaller cabin and with two dogs and two cats inside, I can't stand the hair and dust. Doesn't take long and it makes a huge difference.


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## SJSFarm (Jun 13, 2012)

danielsumner said:


> Iâm really entertained reading these responses. I wish my DW would loosen up some. We are those people who live in immaculate houses. Everything is in its own place. She vacuums the floors and rugs every day, the laundry room several times a day. Once a week the whole house is vacuumed. Floors, baseboards, crown molding wall moldings, doors, window ect along with all the furniture. Showers are scrubbed sparkling once a week, toilets every couple of days. All stainless steel appliances and faucets are polished. Spray bottles of rubbing alcohol are at every sink to keep things clean. We go through a lot of paper towels. We donât wear outside clothes or shoes in the house. We have shoe covers for those that visit. We have a friend who is a doctor, she says our house is as sterile as sterile can get. I use to fight it, it takes less time to just go with the program.


Mr. Sumner, like Lite Rain said, let her know how much you appreciate it. That will show her your love, not just appreciation for what she does. 

God Bless !


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## unregistered358967 (Jul 17, 2013)

I like this thread. 

We have a dog who is part Corgi but my favorite color to wear is black. Enough said.


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## Nimrod (Jun 8, 2010)

When you realize that the dead and decaying mouse you found in the clothes you just ran through the washing machine got there because it had time to fall into the washer, die, and get mushy since the last time you used the machine. Ask me how I know.


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## Taylor R. (Apr 3, 2013)

When 'company ready' means there's actually a place for them to sit down.

When you insist on helping guests with their recliners because you have no idea what they may find if they stick their hand inside of your couch to do it themselves.

When your dryer lint trap consistently contains more dog/bunny hair than lint.

When you manage to lose things on a daily basis inside of a 600 sqft house.

When a detail clean of said 600 sqft house is a week long project.


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## Classof66 (Jul 9, 2011)

One of the characters in Garrison Keillor's Lake Wobegon was a young man having problems adjusting to being grown up. His mother told him to take the trash out, he said if he took all the trash out, there would not be anything left in the house! I once had a home like that!


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## Classof66 (Jul 9, 2011)

My friend knew an elderly couple who bought some of the ugly cheap garish furniture and shag carpet of the 70's when they retired. Redid the whole house. Then she laid plastic runners on the necessary paths in the house and put folding chairs with ropes tied to them to line these paths so he could not step off and ruin her "beautiful" home.


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## danielsumner (Jul 18, 2009)

SJSFarm said:


> Mr. Sumner, like Lite Rain said, let her know how much you appreciate it. That will show her your love, not just appreciation for what she does.
> 
> God Bless !


She is appreciated. I help clean too, but I have to have a little direction. I usually make a list and check it off as I'm done. We do have a central vacuum system with an outlet in each room. This makes cleaning much easier. It is amazing how much dust can accumulate in a couple of days. Stanley the cat is about as anal as us. He comes and tells us when he has used the litter pan.


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## Ann-NWIowa (Sep 28, 2002)

When you know it has been at least 3 years since you cleaned the crocks on top of you kitchen cupboards and the same length of time since you cleaned the dining room hutch. Hey, it will get done someday -- maybe.

I once saw a sign that said a clean house was the sign of a wasted life. I'll go with that one.

We once had an elderly neighbor who invited me in to see her house. She had plastic on all the furniture and the throw rugs were upside down. She walked in front of me turning the throw rugs over for me. I told her it wasn't necessary!! 

I had another neighbor who had 4 kids and only did dishes when she absolutely had to. They would eat a meal and she would stack the dirty dishes in the center of the table and set the table for the next meal around the dirty dishes. She had several sets of dishes -- their hired man used to come to our house to eat lunch!


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

well, I don't go that far. I do wash dishes and like Lisa, I vacumn just about every day. I too have central vac so it's easy. ~Georgia.


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## badlander (Jun 7, 2009)

Just remembered a plaque my mom had hanging in her kitchen. It read: MY HOUSE IS CLEAN ENOUGH TO BE HEALTHY AND DIRTY ENOUGH TO BE HAPPY.

You could eat off that woman's floors....man where did I go wrong? LOL!:hysterical:


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## Classof66 (Jul 9, 2011)

My daughter has a central vac too. It is, however plugged with Matchbox cars. Her youngest is a senior is HS. One of these days...She does have a clean house tho.


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## mathchick (Aug 13, 2013)

when you use the same Christmas tree as last year.....except last year it was still alive. (lovely redish-brown shade though!)


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## dizzy (Jun 25, 2013)

My daughter used to have a pet snake. I'm not sure how long ago she got rid of it, but it's been well over a year. It ate dead, baby rats that came frozen in a pack. We just got a new fridge, and I was cleaning off the top of the old one. I found an empty rat pack. I'm so glad there wasn't one still in it!


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## Grandmotherbear (May 15, 2002)

Phyllis Diller used to recommend that if an acquaintance came to the house while it was in its usual state- to throw open the door and sob "Who could have done this? We have no enemies!"
Cleared off my desk at work once while I was a supervisor. Next morning my boss demanded to know if I was quitting!(No, I wasn't!)


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## OUVickie (Mar 8, 2003)

badlander said:


> The late great Erma Bombeck used to say anyone who comes to your front door without an invitation deserves whatever mess they walk into.
> 
> I swear by that quote. I also tell folks when they walk in unexpected "pardon the mess but we live here"


 I LOVED Erma Bombeck!
I've read all her books and they are worth re-reading when life gets stressful.

My house has actually gotten cleaner over the years, but that has to do with the fact that I no longer have kids at home. It's much easier to keep the house clean when there aren't little ones coming along behind you tearing it up again. 

I hate dusting and mopping, however, I bought myself a hoover steam mop back before Christmas and I LOVE IT! 
Mopping is a breeze now and I can just take the terry cloth mop cover off, throw it in the laundry and put a clean one on for the next time. It came with 3. 

I'm all for making housework easy and technology certainly helps!


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## SJSFarm (Jun 13, 2012)

I, too, have a central van and it's annoying to put away. Wrapping it up and putting it back behind the basement door takes time and the kids have difficulty doing it just right so it sits flat. With 4 cats and 2 dogs its got to be used often. 

So, I stopped putting it away! I have a couch that is right next to where it's plugged in. :ashamed: I started stuffing the hose under the couch so all I have to do is pull it out and attach the brush wand.


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## Cygnet (Sep 13, 2004)

When your household "pets" include a five or six foot long, completely wild, gopher snake, which moved in voluntarily. As far as I'm concerned, he's welcome to stay -- he sheds less than the cats and he's not hurting anything. And he can get in the walls where the cats can't go to hunt mice! 

I have a heated mattress pad for my bed and I'm just waiting for the day I wake up with three cats and a snake in bed with me.

At my old house, I had a cat who learned to use the people toilet because I didn't keep the kitty box clean enough for her preference -- which was nearly sterile. Now that I'm living in a travel trailer and she's living in a converted garage, she doesn't have a handy people toilet -- so she poops on the floor beside the litter box. :facepalm: At least her surface of choice is bare tile or linoleum, and it's just a matter of picking up the mess and spraying the tile with a bit of lysol.

The snake is definitely less work.


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## sdnapier (Aug 13, 2010)

Nimrod said:


> When you realize that the dead and decaying mouse you found in the clothes you just ran through the washing machine got there because it had time to fall into the washer, die, and get mushy since the last time you used the machine. Ask me how I know.


:runforhills: :runforhills: :runforhills:


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## Nimrod (Jun 8, 2010)

sdnapier said:


> :runforhills: :runforhills: :runforhills:


I removed the mouse and ran the clothes through the washer 4 times. It seems to have cleaned them and the machine. Now I look in the washer before I load it. LOL


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## redneckswife (May 2, 2013)

danielsumner said:


> I&#8217;m really entertained reading these responses. I wish my DW would loosen up some. We are those people who live in immaculate houses. Everything is in its own place. She vacuums the floors and rugs every day, the laundry room several times a day. Once a week the whole house is vacuumed. Floors, baseboards, crown molding wall moldings, doors, window ect along with all the furniture. Showers are scrubbed sparkling once a week, toilets every couple of days. All stainless steel appliances and faucets are polished. Spray bottles of rubbing alcohol are at every sink to keep things clean. We go through a lot of paper towels. We don&#8217;t wear outside clothes or shoes in the house. We have shoe covers for those that visit. We have a friend who is a doctor, she says our house is as sterile as sterile can get. I use to fight it, it takes less time to just go with the program.


I used to be like this when the oldest 3 were little...until a family member who was a psychologist told me I had severe OCD after coming to the house and me not really visiting but following behind her fixing things back.

I had a big issue where I couldn't go to sleep at night until everything was just "so". My pet peeve was the throw pillows on the couch. She advised me to throw them in the floor before I went to bed..:grump:..I said what if there's a fire..she looked at me and said "I promise if there's a fire, the fireman won't notice where the pillows are..if there here at all":hysterical:. I have to admit, that made me realize I had went over the edge.

4 more children after the first 3 and I can honestly say...I can relate to a lot of the posts from this thread. Defeat...instead of being frustrated "trying to beat them...I've joined them"(the kids). When the first 3 come home from college...they shake their head and say they can't believe I'm the same mother who would make them at 3 yrs old get a bath after eating chocolate chip cookies.

However, they notice I am much happier now and actually get to tune in on their visits...and they are even shocked to see their are m&m's under the couch and baby rabbits in the spare room,lol. 

I gotta say I am enjoying and fully engaged more in my life now...but it gave me a lot of anxiety and made me anxious as I let go of my need for order.

Thank you for reminding me today of how far I've come and what a struggle it was for me to let go and slowdown:goodjob:


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## SFM in KY (May 11, 2002)

When you select the 'oldest' can of green beans or coffee to use next based on the thickest layer of dust on the top.


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## dizzy (Jun 25, 2013)

When you vacuum a section of a room, and clog up both the hose and the filter of the vacuum cleaner.


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## bluemoonluck (Oct 28, 2008)

You know you've failed at housekeeping when you start to refer to your children with prefixes like "Hurricane" and "Cyclone". 

I have 4 children who live here full-time, aged 7 months, 23 months, 12 years, and 13 years. Plus we have 3 other children (8, 12, 18) here off and on on a part-time basis (my stepkids). Plus 7 (+/-) dogs. I can clean the entire house, top to bottom, and within an hour it looks worse than it did before I started to clean it last time :Bawling:

At some point I have learned to be very "Buddhist" about the whole thing..... it is what it is, and if you don't like it you're more than welcome to clean up yourself, then watch the chaos unfold as your hard work is destroyed by either a Hurricane or a Cyclone :run:


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## bama (Aug 21, 2011)

When the corners have cat hair / dust bunnies larger than the actual cats

When you claim the spiders and cobwebs are natural bug control...inside

When you are no longer grossed out finding mummified lizards and frogs. Instead you wonder why they don't smell like a dead rat does, and exactly how long the mummification process takes for small reptiles and amphibians


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

You know you failed housekeeping when the dog won't drink out of your toilet.


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## SueMc (Jan 10, 2010)

Wendy said:


> When the barn is cleaner than the house!


I'm using two stalls in my barn while the weather is so bad. They get scooped out twice a day. 
I'd have to think about when the last time was that I mopped the kitchen floor!
Less than a month ago, I hope.


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## Vosey (Dec 8, 2012)

When your husband uses the shop vac to vacuum the salt out of the oven from a grease fire over a month ago so you can turn it to 550 to make pizza again (the fire being the last time you made pizza!). And you've used it many times since at a lower temp.....

And that just happened last night!


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## bama (Aug 21, 2011)

Vosey said:


> When your husband uses the shop vac to vacuum the salt out of the oven from a grease fire over a month ago so you can turn it to 550 to make pizza again (the fire being the last time you made pizza!). And you've used it many times since at a lower temp.....
> 
> And that just happened last night!


That just reminded me that the baked sweet potatoes leaked tar stuff last night, so I need to get that charcoal off the bottom of the oven...sometime this year! Lol


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## Alice In TX/MO (May 10, 2002)

I have a little bitty OLD house across the street that is my office. When I remodeled it, we discovered lizards and geckos and newts had made it their home.

Today, I cleaned lizard poo off the baseboards. Apparently they didn't move out when I remodeled.:hair


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## Caitedid (Jun 2, 2004)

...when you realize that you'll just have to keep hand scrubbing the kitchen floor section by section because you made the mistake of scrubbing the spot where you spilled jam while canning. Now you can see what color the linoleum is meant to be, and that the decorative pattern is actually tractor grease and heaven knows what ground in by 40+ years of farmers.


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## I_don't_know (Sep 28, 2012)

gone-a-milkin said:


> Personally, I cannot find the Windex bottle.
> I don't really even remember the last time I used it....


:grump: I'm doing good if I can find the windows!


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## housewife (Mar 16, 2006)

I love this thread 

I was trying to get a cat toy out from under the frig. Found a dust bunny large enough to start thinking about taking over!!


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## Vosey (Dec 8, 2012)

I was at my brother's house one day for dinner and noticed a funny smell when preheating the oven. Oh they said, it's been smelling for months, we don't now what it is. I get on my knees and peer in the oven - there's a baked tennis ball in the corner! Their border collie would drop his toys in everything....


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## Mid Tn Mama (May 11, 2002)

Once when the kids were small we had guests for dinner. After dinner, we sat in the living room and chatted. After a few moments we smelled a terrible smell. Just awful. While talking, anytime one of the younger two came near me, I scooped them up to smell a diaper, or in the case of the middle one (checking to see if they had had an accident post potty training; Older one was beyond reproach)

Finally, it became so overpowering that after a few minutes of chat, our guests, "had to leave" ...something about an appointment, game, something important and immediate....

After they left, DH and I scoured the room. On our hands and knees, moving furniture, opening drawers. Finally we found the culprit.

One of our kids, had stuck a full baby bottle of milk in a little used (obviously) magazine rack and covered it with a magazine. It had dried in the nipple so we didn't smell it, but by moving chairs around for everyone it got bumped and OH wow!

This was 20 years ago and just so you know, I'm not good about letting things go. I still think of it when i see that magazine rack and bring it up to the suspects!


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## Just Little Me (Aug 9, 2007)

When you start to clean the windows and the youngest looks at you and says, " But you said that would fade the furniture."


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## Taylor R. (Apr 3, 2013)

I'm using that one, Just Little Me. We've lived in this house for a year. I've never cleaned a single window in our house. Being that I clean house for other people, I get enough window cleaning at their houses to last me a life time. So at home..I just...don't.


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## dizzy (Jun 25, 2013)

When you've owned your vacuum cleaner for several years, and have just found a filter that needs to be cleaned periodically. (Now if I could just remember where I put it after I cleaned it, I'd be good!)


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## Queen Bee (Apr 7, 2004)

When you move the sofa to clean and there is enough hair to make another dog! My mother was a clean freak-- it was her entire life. It was like a museum.. Me not so much...


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## PNP Katahdins (Oct 28, 2008)

When we clean windows in the house or vehicles, the Border collies immediately have to mark their territory and get BIG noseprints smeared on anything glass within reach. Needless to say, our windows don't get done too often. The clean ones stay clean and the noseprinted ones stay that way.

Peg


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## gweny (Feb 10, 2014)

You only clean up the house when your mom is visiting. (if she asks, I didn't post this)


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## dizzy (Jun 25, 2013)

When your cat is named Dust Bunny for a reason.


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## galfriend (Nov 19, 2004)

I have been so in this thread, seeing me in about every post. So this weekend when the GK's visited my ocd GS was having a flare up of his ocd'neatness  (waiting for his prescription refills) He sorts and organized under my kitchen sink and asked me if I have a vacuum cleaner? Mind ya, these GK's come often over here. But, there I stood...totally stumped by his question! I burst out laughing, thinking this is how this thread got started. :hysterical:
Finally we did find it!!! Hiding behind the tv. 

I have dibs on GS over his spring break


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## cc (Jun 4, 2006)

Don't you just love it when you change the direction of the ceiling fan in the spring and fall and it looks like it is snowing dust bunnies?


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I'm thrilled when I see my reflection in the bathroom mirror without the toothpaste spit wads. I guess that's what it is. I'm not going to taste test to find out. yew.


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## gweny (Feb 10, 2014)

You can't remember what color the carpet is.

You can use the TV as a dry erase board.

The kids keep their shoes on (when they can find them) in-doors.

you start naming the mice

You can scrape the soap scum and make more soap with the shavings

"it's around here somewhere" is the family motto 

The ring in the toilet looks furry

You step back instinctively when opening closets or duck when opening cabinets

If something goes under the furniture and you consider it "gone for good"

You got one of those massive remotes for people that can't see well, but you can see fine... It's just easier to find.


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## devittjl (Jun 24, 2004)

When you do not have to worry about the dog peeing on the carpet in your daughter's room because of all the clothes on the floor


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

yes, I'm in the same 'camp' as you all.....

one year, I was training some of my dogs with left over raw bits of meat. Kept in a ziplock bag in my jacket pocket, for when we walked. Hung it up in closet. Took dogs to board at kennel, went away for one week. Came home, smelled like someone had taken a dump at the inside front door......swept, mopped, cleaned walls, looked under, around & over everything....nothing. Next day, put on coat--whoa! THAT is the smell! Pulled out little baggie of meat......I swear it was moving, and it smelled just like poop!


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I love reading this thread and having that unexpected laughter come out of all my escape hatches.


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## OUVickie (Mar 8, 2003)

When you can look at the footprints on the kitchen floor and tell who walked through it last. :facepalm:
Is Winter over yet?...


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

When you want to cook dinner so have to wash the knife and cutting board to get started. Then have to wash the pot before you can cook it. Then the plate and silverware before you can eat it.
And after dinner, they are all back in the sink again for next time.
How did that become OK?


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## Nimrod (Jun 8, 2010)

When you need some kindling to start the wood stove so you just scoop a few hand-fulls off the carpet in front of the wood box.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Nimrod said:


> When you need some kindling to start the wood stove so you just scoop a few hand-fulls off the carpet in front of the wood box.


That was a laugh out loud for me. I've done that so many times it can't be counted. :facepalm:


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## Classof66 (Jul 9, 2011)

I have been real short of clean dishes here all week, myself. Took care of that yesterday. I have to wash in town and I did two big loads last week. One load, the darks was in the back room and the cat peed on it. The other one is still in the car.

My neighbor hung my kitchen cabinets several years ago. I can't pull the fridge out to clean behind it as the cabinet comes right with it. Ripppp! Of course the cabinet was full of junk I never use anyway. I did get it cleaned out and hope to raise it soon, of course we have to raise the one next to it too....


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## dizzy (Jun 25, 2013)

Don't know how many times I've had to wash dishes so I can make dinner and have something to eat it off of.


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## housewife (Mar 16, 2006)

dizzy said:


> Don't know how many times I've had to wash dishes so I can make dinner and have something to eat it off of.


Same around here... 

I had a hissy fit and the DIL is now putting thing in the dish washer! I'm so very tired of having to "find" my kitchen every time I want to do something. To make matters worse my DH is a stuffer... if it's in his way he will just open a cupboard and stuff it in!!! Baking soda with the plates :smack


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## Taylor R. (Apr 3, 2013)

Not exactly the house, but...yesterday I put all the curtains back up on the back side of the house so company couldn't see the mess that is my back yard right now.


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

When I vacuum under the couch cushions and see Fake Christmas Tree Needles that my feet must keep picking up.


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## dizzy (Jun 25, 2013)

housewife said:


> Same around here...
> 
> I had a hissy fit and the DIL is now putting thing in the dish washer! I'm so very tired of having to "find" my kitchen every time I want to do something. To make matters worse my DH is a stuffer... if it's in his way he will just open a cupboard and stuff it in!!! Baking soda with the plates :smack


I don't know how many times I've gotten "caught up" on the dishes, only to find out that hubby put a bunch in the stove. :grumble: Apparently, he can't wash them cuz he'd melt or something.


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## ejagno (Jan 2, 2008)

Over the past 2 years we went from empty nesters to oldest moving back in, oldest moving out (and leaving what he didn't feel like taking), middle son moving back in with his family and moving out 9 months later (and only taking what would look good in his new home), youngest son moving back home with fiancÃ©e and FIL getting rid of stuff to move, but wants it to stay in the family (my house). 

Two weeks ago we had a medical emergency in the middle of the night and the horror came crashing down around me when I realized that an ambulance stretcher would not get through my house to get to DH so we had to get him to the car and the E.R. quickly.

That did it for me. After an 8 day hospital stay we were home less than 12 hours when I brought all of their crap to the road, took pictures and posted it on Facebook (Free-first come/first to have). They all came and got their stuff quick, fast and in a hurry. I'd only been begging for months.


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## Cash (Apr 24, 2007)

Grandmotherbear said:


> Phyllis Diller used to recommend that if an acquaintance came to the house while it was in its usual state- to throw open the door and sob "Who could have done this? We have no enemies!"
> Cleared off my desk at work once while I was a supervisor. Next morning my boss demanded to know if I was quitting!(No, I wasn't!)


Love this thread.

I had a boss once who would walk past my cluttered desk and say, "Messy desk, messy mind." His desk, of course, was an immaculate expanse of polished wood. Finally one day he made his usual "messy desk" comment and I said, "If that's true, what's an empty desk mean?" He never said it again.


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## Vosey (Dec 8, 2012)

You know you've failed housekeeping when this is your 3rd or 4th post in this thread! 

Here's a gross one. Last fall I noticed that every time I sat on DH's end of the sectional sofa it smelled of BO. I figured it was due to him sitting down after he'd been working outside, or thought a smelly shirt had fallen behind the sofa (note I didn't look for it!). Honestly, it smelled like DH and I sort of liked it. 

I finally said something to him and remarked 'oh, one of the dogs puked on that cushion awhile ago'. So we pull up the cushion and there's old dog puke all over the sides and corners and on the sofa itself!!!! It still smells a bit. 

Our house actually looks pretty clean and is uncluttered, but DH has that gift of making it look nice when it's really quite dirty underneath......


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## suitcase_sally (Mar 20, 2006)

OUVickie said:


> When you can look at the footprints on the kitchen floor and tell who walked through it last. :facepalm:
> Is Winter over yet?...


Almost....then the "mud season" begins!!


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## dizzy (Jun 25, 2013)

Vacuumed the room I tried to vacuum B4 when I clogged up both the hose and the filter. B4 I vacuumed it though, I took my broom and swept it the best I could. It's amazing the amount of dirt I got up.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I have a small stainless steel door fridge back here in my office. Right in the middle of the door is a handprint of our youngest grandson when he was 3. I stop anyone that tries to clean off that tiny reminder of how blessed we are.


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## gweny (Feb 10, 2014)

When you have a monthly meal plan set to eat a different meal each day of the month... But there are 3 containers of leftover beef stew in the fridge.... Hmmm? 

When you are scared to open the Tupperware that has been storing the leftovers (for at least 3 months), so you just throw it away... I think I need bio hazard gear? 

When you have to buy new Tupperware cause the entire last set got tossed due to bio-hazard leftovers.

When you've become so good at growing mold that you start to consider making your own penicillin.


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## OUVickie (Mar 8, 2003)

ejagno said:


> That did it for me. After an 8 day hospital stay we were home less than 12 hours when I brought all of their crap to the road, took pictures and posted it on Facebook (Free-first come/first to have). They all came and got their stuff quick, fast and in a hurry. I'd only been begging for months.


Hahahaha!! That's priceless. Good thinking!


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## Otter (Jan 15, 2008)

When you read this thread and think, _amateurs_.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Otter said:


> When you read this thread and think, _amateurs_.


and I'll vote that response as the best yet! :bow:


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## housewife (Mar 16, 2006)

dizzy said:


> I don't know how many times I've gotten "caught up" on the dishes, only to find out that hubby put a bunch in the stove. :grumble: Apparently, he can't wash them cuz he'd melt or something.



After an "Unfortunate Preheating incident" I believe I told them I would do something very mean and reminded them of it till I died...

DS#1 is alergic to our dish soap. We buy it because I'm not alergic to it. So I'm not changing it. I told him to ask friends if he could try the dish soap at their house... Or he could use the gloves I bought him!! :bash:


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## southrngardngal (Oct 18, 2005)

When somebody writes a message in the dust and puts a date on it but you don't find the message until it's almost covered with new dust. 

One of my sweet aunts always tells me that I can come to see her any time and I can write messages in her dust....Just don't date them.


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## Peacock (Apr 12, 2006)

When I was in my early 20s, I had a friend who still lived with her parents and younger siblings and I once watched her clean the floor with a garden rake. There was such a pile of wrappers, cans, and assorted junk on the floor the rake was useful. I was APPALLED.

...until the day I looked at the floor in my house, and it dawned on me... the rake might just work nicely. And it did!


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## bama (Aug 21, 2011)

I finally did my quarterly mopping a couple weeks ago. But the mop and bucket is still sitting where I finished up. . .two weeks ago. It looks like a science experiment with all the scum and icky stuff! Guess I will empty it today


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## dizzy (Jun 25, 2013)

You find coupons that expired in 1997.


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## Nimrod (Jun 8, 2010)

You find cake mixes that expired in 1997. I am actually baking one now but I added a table spoon and a half of fresh baking powder (a tip I learned on here).


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## dizzy (Jun 25, 2013)

I think I have some of those as well and will be doing the same.


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## Fetherhd (Aug 16, 2012)

When you quit dusting once a day and shovel once a month.


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