# I know I'm whining but I need encouragement!



## Leister Square (Feb 7, 2010)

Hi there! I don't post too often but read regularly. I usually have my act together and do not whine, but lately I've been feeling so defeated by the state of my home. We started prepping a few years ago, and it's really made an impact on the house. It's a big house, should be room, but stuff is just everywhere! Not just prep stuff, but EVERYTHING! 

I used to be a stay at home mom, and it seems like my house was cleaner with 4 kids but no dogs than it is now with only hubbie and the last one (16). Our lifestyles have changed--in the past couple of years we inherited 2 more dogs for a total of 4 in the house, we have chickens in several pens (son is trying to breed, etc.), we moved to a larger lot and started (trying) to garden, I started working part time, we don't throw much out anymore, and it's just becoming overwhelming. I don't like to whine to hubbie because he works so hard and when he comes home, seems he should have some peace. But I'm afraid I'll blow one day and upset everything! Prayers are needed, for sure, and some encouragement. I'd like to get him to buy a barn but he doesn't want to spend the money. I hate too, as well, since we'd eventually like to buy some land but things can't keep piling up inside. I used to do FlyLady, but she's all about tossing, and we just don't do that anymore. But I miss the clean open feeling of uncluttered rooms, and it's affecting my mood badly. For instance, if I want to make the bed up, I used to toss the pillows on the floor. But now 2 dogs sleep in our bedroom and there's dog hair everywhere. So before making the bed up, I either have to vacuum or put the stuff up on the dressers, which are cluttered with clothes that (he) should put away. (I wash, dry, fold and deliver to the top of the dresser...can't he put them away?) What used to take 5 minutes seems insurmountable now. Can someone relate and encourage me? (I'm going to start taking vitimans again--somehow that fell by the wayside) Thanks so much


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## oldasrocks (Oct 27, 2006)

Do what we did. Build another building- ha. Extra clothes and blankets are in sealed 50 gallon drums. Closets coverted to pantrys.

we have 5 dogs but 3 outside.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Leister Square said:


> Hi there! I don't post too often but read regularly. I usually have my act together and do not whine, but lately I've been feeling so defeated by the state of my home. We started prepping a few years ago, and it's really made an impact on the house. It's a big house, should be room, but stuff is just everywhere! Not just prep stuff, but EVERYTHING!
> 
> I used to be a stay at home mom, and it seems like my house was cleaner with 4 kids but no dogs than it is now with only hubbie and the last one (16). Our lifestyles have changed--in the past couple of years we inherited 2 more dogs for a total of 4 in the house, we have chickens in several pens (son is trying to breed, etc.), we moved to a larger lot and started (trying) to garden, I started working part time, we don't throw much out anymore, and it's just becoming overwhelming.


If the 16 yo is not helping / has assigned responsibility....delegate some!!
Even if it's just dishes, washed dried and put away....it's something!!



> I don't like to whine to hubbie because he works so hard and when he comes home, seems he should have some peace. But I'm afraid I'll blow one day and upset everything! Prayers are needed, for sure, and some encouragement.


Sit down and ask him. Ask him if it's driving him crazy. Tell him to be brutally honest, and when he is, no tears, no angry response, just thank him for his honesty, then ask him what you two can do together, as a team, to fix it!!
Communication is EVERYTHING.



> I'd like to get him to buy a barn but he doesn't want to spend the money. I hate too, as well, since we'd eventually like to buy some land but things can't keep piling up inside. I used to do FlyLady, but she's all about tossing, and we just don't do that anymore.


Flylady was FRYlady for me.
Too overwhelming.
We have a rule here. If one new thing comes in this house, 2 old things go. It is indescribable how much more peace, everyone has, now that the clutter is GONE.



> But I miss the clean open feeling of uncluttered rooms, and it's affecting my mood badly. For instance, if I want to make the bed up, I used to toss the pillows on the floor. But now 2 dogs sleep in our bedroom and there's dog hair everywhere. So before making the bed up, I either have to vacuum or put the stuff up on the dressers, which are cluttered with clothes that (he) should put away. (I wash, dry, fold and deliver to the top of the dresser...can't he put them away?)


Communication.
Talk to him. 
Purge. Get rid of clothes that don't fit / won't be worn. 
It is an amazing freeing feeling to take BAGS of clothes out of the house and to the goodwill. 



> What used to take 5 minutes seems insurmountable now. Can someone relate and encourage me? (I'm going to start taking vitimans again--somehow that fell by the wayside) Thanks so much


Purge.
Pick a room. ANY room (I suggest the bedroom) and purge it.
After you completely purge it. Clean it. Top to bottom.
The second you get out of bed. Make it.
Close the door so the pups are not in there when you are not.
This will be you and your dh's *safe place* while you move to the next room to purge.

I strongly encourage you to hold a family conference. Sit down and talk to them about how this mess is effecting you, ask if it's effecting them. Then come to a resolution.

(A lot of times, homes that are 'messy' or 'cluttered' are a reflection of our own insides.....sitting down with the family and really talking this out is going to do you mountains of good!!)


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

Hire a housecleaner. 

I specialize in hoarders.


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## Leister Square (Feb 7, 2010)

Thanks, ladies. It doesn't bother hubbie--his parents' house was always bulging at the seams, too. He and my son seriously look around and say "what's the problem?" They say it looks like people live here. I will sit down with them again and tell them how I feel--cluttered, disorganized, overwhelmed and anxious. Hope it makes an impression. I am going to start doing one thing to one room and make the bed every day. Maybe it's the wintertime blahs???


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Leister Square said:


> Thanks, ladies. It doesn't bother hubbie--his parents' house was always bulging at the seams, too. He and my son seriously look around and say "what's the problem?" They say it looks like people live here. I will sit down with them again and tell them how I feel--cluttered, disorganized, overwhelmed and anxious. Hope it makes an impression. I am going to start doing one thing to one room and make the bed every day. Maybe it's the wintertime blahs???


I would sit down with them and explain to them in a very serious tone, how much this bothers you......how deep it bothers you.

If they ignore you.....then purge a room.
You need a safe spot. Some place where you can find 'rest' and 'peace'.


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## KnowOneSpecial (Sep 12, 2010)

My DH is the son of a borderline hoarder, too. He currently has 2 laundry baskets to put away. I get it. 

For our kids I had to break down every task. I can't say "Clean your room." I had to break it down into 5 different actions. "1. Clear out the stuff under your bed and futon and put it away. Dirty clothes in the hamper, toys in the bin and trash in the garbage can. 2. Make your bed. 3. Check the closet and make sure it's neat and that there is nothing on the floor. 4. Check the furniture for anything that can be put away. 5. Sweep the floor." They know that if they do those 5 things I'll be happy with the state of their room and their job is done. It was breaking it down into steps that really saved the day. Before the steps they didn't know where tostart or end. It was a hopeless task that went on and on. Now it's "Do this and you're done" and they like it a whole lot more than being yelled at over and over again! 

Can you talk to your men and give them certain chores they need to do. The 16 year old could be in charge of his room and dishes. Hubby in charge of putting his clothes away and taking out the trash. Have the chores broken down into simple tasks and they'll accept them more. (Dishes done every night, garbage taken out daily, etc.) Of course they're responsible for their stuff that they leave laying around. 

I'd also ask them if you can have one day of purging a month. Spend a couple of hours going through each room, purging the supplies that are expired, stuff you no longer need and getting rid of garbage. 





Or he can build you a barn.


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## Leister Square (Feb 7, 2010)

You know, ladies, I feel much better today! Somehow I want to get rid of this post because it's just not me! I was sick a week or two back with cold/ear infection and I think things piled up while I felt horrible. Things do need to change, but it starts with me. I did a few things last night, and hubbie got on the bandwagon with me and went through the junk from the mailbox. I'm going to continue in a positive vein and get to bed earlier--last night that did wonders! I would love a housekeeper and a barn, though!!! 

THANKS EVERYONE, no lectures from you, just help!! Just what the doctor ordered


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