# I need advice in making a descision.



## lmrose (Sep 24, 2009)

We own a very old house, barn and ten acres. The land has a lot of road frontage and requires a lot of mowing. My husband has kept the land up and gardens and fencing of seven acres. The house needs considerable work.We have wood heat but only heat three rooms winters. The barn has been maintained. He now has health issues and is also totally wore out and exhausted from working so hard. He grew up dairy farming and then farming here 28 years. He is now 68 yrs.

He says he can't continue to maintain this place. I know he is right and know we should move but there is no where to go that we can afford even if we could sell. This area's economy is depressed and there are hundreds of homes for sale. He also wants to keep a few goats and some hens and garden so we can't move to town.

I thought of dividing the property and selling off the house barn and most of the road frontage and three acres. This unfortunately would take in the garden beds also and both wells.We would be able to keep the brook. The remaining property is fertile and kept up but gardens would have to be re-established. The big problem would be building a house and barn. Building codes are strict here even for a small house.

So what kind of very small house could we have built like one pre- built to code or a pre- cut house? I thought mobile home but my husband says no to that.We only need a kitchen/ living area combined, pantry,bath and bedroom. A cellar underneath the house is a must for food storage.

By moving out back there would be less road frontage to maintain and he wouldn't lose all the work he has put in to the land here. We would have to have a well and septic as it is law here. We would have to sell half the farm to have money to build.

If we moved totally to another property we would lose all the land that is fertile here that took many years of hard work to get it up to its present production.I have looked but so far haven't found any other property we would want. I also have an environmental illness and can't live among trees. My health stays good out here by the ocean.

I have thought this through several ways and building a small house is all I can come up with. Does anyone have any other suggestions? If I was alone I would have a house on wheels because that way the building code can be avoided. However DH won't hear of that either.

I am afraid his health will fail more before we can move as he has a heart problem. There is no way I could maintain this place alone in its present state. So what should I do? We should move but how?


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## Travis in Louisiana (May 14, 2002)

What if you stayed in your house, sold off some of the land and use that money to fix up the house. How about paying someone to mow the grass. These are just a few thoughts.


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## TNHermit (Jul 14, 2005)

I'mm 66 Had 6 acres till it was stolen from me last month. I had and would have been able to take care of this place. just at a different pace. (I also have heart issues (another FYI) (Just FYI) I say if you own it , like it, STAY. You cant believe what moving is like at our age. Look at Tiny Homes. (Google is your friend)  I have a thread on SEP. They don't have to be on a trailer. They are quick to build. You can design them to fit your life style and pare down slowly

Are you required to mow a long the road or will the county do it. Maybe you can talk to them.

If nothing else send him here to help me move. he will change his mind LOL


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

Without knowing how your land lays (and how the road frontage works out), it's hard to offer definite advice, but I agree with the suggestion above about staying where you are and selling some of the land you now have...if that is possible/doable. If you are close enough to the water to sell it as ocean view, it should bring a fair price. Don't limit your market to local buyers. You'd be surprised how many potential buyers there might be from Toronto, Montreal, Boston, Portland, New York, and other cities. Nova Scotia is a pretty province, and nearness to the ocean would only help your market you land. Best wishes.


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## warnimct (Jul 27, 2012)

Could you rent out the barn and part of the land to somebody who doesn't have as much land and have them do maintenance as part of the rent? I'm probably different than most people but if I could find someone who would rent part of a farm they are not using for maintenance and maybe some cash I would take it in a heart beat. You could have them mow and maintain the barn at least.


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

Are you pretty sure that you are allowed to subdivide? And that there aren't a whole lot of costs that you have to pay before you get permission?

I don't know the regulations in your area, especially being a whole 'nuther country, but here you would have to pay for a survey just to start. Then, presuming you got permission at all after the building department satisfies itself that you can get water and utilities to that new parcel and give permission to build by paying permit fees to have an inspection, you have to pay more fees to meet all the requirements. It can cost a whole lot to subdivide here. And that would be before you even can start to sell the propery at all to cover costs.

If you do have the ducks in line finance the proposed subdivision, and you live in a place that allows modular homes, that is a pretty good solution. 
I know you live in an area of cold but are you sure that you really need a cellar? With super-duper insulation and planning, food storage can easily be done in the house. That is what I do as few houses here have basements- just cement perimeters and piers. That would eliminate stairs anyway which is a real neccessity in case of infirmity.

You should certainly try to retain rights to the well so that you don't have to pay to drill again, unless your water table is really high and certain. Well drilling can be expensive.

What about another idea? Could you get a reverse mortage on your place that would allow you to hire someone to do the frontage maintenance into the future? And maybe allow a bit a remodeling in the house so that you have easilier heating and mobility? It would take planning and care to budget out to an indefinite future but is it possible?

Would one of your neighbors be interested in buying and allowing you a life lease? Where you have the right to the use of the house and a couple of acres for you life but they own the rest?

Are the senior services you could contact to help you work all this out? It would certainly help not to have all the stress and worry on your shoulders.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Often, you don't get EVERYTHING you want. Give everything you want a value to define just HOW important it is to you, then work on your decision.

Mon


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## Scott SW Ohio (Sep 20, 2003)

I wonder if it might be possible to offer your place in trade? A lot of people who post here are looking to get out of their current situations to a property like yours. Maybe one of them has a place that would work for you.

Besides posting in the Real Estate section here, you might also use Craigslist - they have a housing swap category for just this kind of thing.


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## lmrose (Sep 24, 2009)

Hi everybody, I really appreciate all the response and suggestions. I ran some of them past my husband. So far as I can see he is only interested selling out IF he can find a suitable place he likes. I certainly have looked but so far he finds something wrong with every thing I find!

If it was up to me I would keep the back part of the farm as it is private with a beautiful view. We have an old travel trailer there now. Keeping the back half would eliminate all the mowing alone the road because of the way the land lies.

Sub-dividing is expensive I just found out. First we have to apply and pay what is called a migration fee on both sides of the property. $1,000 for each=$2,000. A licensed surveyor has to do the sub-division which would possibly cost $3,000. There are fees involved to get the land approved for building and fees connected to installing a dug well and septic and field beds. Then $15,000 for the well and septic which has to be approved by an inspector. All of this is BEFORE a house is constructed!! 

There is an incredible building code and we aren't allowed a trailer unless it is fastened to a slab. Modular homes are allowed only if on a permanent foundation. So the bottom line is we cannot afford to sub-divide and build! Everything is expensive here and complicated.

As for fixing the house he doesn't want to invest anything into it as he said we can't stay here and what savings we have would be gone. Bur still he keeps adding onto the barn and just built new barn doors because the animals can't have a draft on them! Last year he tore down an old building which was an eyesore. Then he dug a basement under the back of the house to store things. None of this cost him as he did all the work himself. This was before he started having the spells with his heart.He dug the basement with a shovel and hauled the dirt out in buckets a little at a time over the summer.He even built the barn doors with second hand boards he had on hand and used second hand hinges he took off something else.

If he would get rid of hay eating animals he wouldn't have to make hay or maintain fences. However he isn't willing to get rid of all of them.

You know the comments people made are helping me sort this out as as I write I see a pattern here developing!! I am wondering if my dh is making excuses for not fixing the house by telling me we have to move! He really hates working on the house. He says he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life working on an old house BUT he works on an old barn because it is necessary. He also works on the land and gardens. He has been making more garden beds by re-constructing them and making them narrower and easier to take care of. When I ask why do all this if we have to move? He says it will make gardening easier while we are still here. He always says," If you have land you need to take care of it." If I say, "If you have a house you need to take care of it." he replies, " It isn't the same thing!" I can't win!!

I hate to admit it but he may be making excuses not to work on the house! He won't let anyone else paint the house or do any work on it either as he says it cost too much to hire anyone.He won't let anyone mow here either.

Well, his health is a factor and the Dr now is putting a heart monitor and an EKG monitor on him next week on two separate days. They want him to wear them 24 hrs and work hard. They actually want him to have a spell with his heart racing and blood pressure dropping to see what the monitors record as they don't know why this is happening. Funny thing is he hauled timbers up off the beach and hauled them home with the horse and his heart never acted up at all! 

I think I am going to start ignoring dh's complaining about the work here as he seems to do the work he wants too. If he really wanted less work he would cut back and I can't make him do anything. He is really a good husband in many ways so I have tried to ignore the things he refuses to do. Now with his health a factor that really is the most important thing.
Still I am a little mad at him because I am starting to realize he may have been manipulating me because he doesn't want to fix our house!! Oh well; no one is perfect!! There is nothing I can do about anything so I may as well accept things as they are. BUT I am putting moving out of my mind unless dh does the looking himself! I am done wasting time looking for a place to move to when he may have no intention of moving! I think I have created a monster by spoiling my husband waiting on him and letting him have his own way for many years!! Thanks for helping me think this through as I have no one I can discuss this with here where I live! Have a nice day.


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## Scott SW Ohio (Sep 20, 2003)

Good luck lmrose. I hope it all works out for you.


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## lmrose (Sep 24, 2009)

Scott SW Ohio said:


> Good luck lmrose. I hope it all works out for you.


Thanks Scott; Things generally work out once I understand the problem! I'm just slow sometimes figuring things out.


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## jwal10 (Jun 5, 2010)

Would it help if the 2 of you sat down and made a list of what you each need in a new place. OR what you do not want in a new place. Sounds like hubby may need direction in making the decision. It is a big change for both of you and he may need time to realize how a move would benefit both of you. This list will also help when it comes time to work with a realtor to find your new place....James


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## lmrose (Sep 24, 2009)

jwal10 said:


> Would it help if the 2 of you sat down and made a list of what you each need in a new place. OR what you do not want in a new place. Sounds like hubby may need direction in making the decision. It is a big change for both of you and he may need time to realize how a move would benefit both of you. This list will also help when it comes time to work with a realtor to find your new place....James


Yes we do have a list. My only requirement is to stay near the ocean because I have an environmental sickness which the sea air has helped a lot. I am rarely sick anymore.I was sick a lot most of my life until moving close to the ocean. Other than that I don't care where I live or what kind of house I live in. It can be a big house or a travel trailer or an apartment and I can be content as it doesn't matter as long as I can breathe and be healthy.
My dh has many requirements though and if he expects to move he is going to have to compromise which so far he isn't willing to do. He wants to down size but won't give up goats or chickens or having a work pony. He wants what we have now but close to town and with less land. So far it doesn't exist in a price range we can afford. 
Thinking all this through has helped me decide that I am not doing any more looking or anything until he realizes he needs to compromise. It is just waste time and upsets realtors who won't take us seriously if nothing suits my husband. I figure when he feels worse health wise he will realize he needs to be more flexible. As for me I do better taking care of things that need doing presently . I change what I can and wait for him to change the rest.I dislike disagreements , debates or trying to change anyone's mind on anything.I like peace and I can be patient.


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## jwal10 (Jun 5, 2010)

Don't give up though. Be ready when it does come along. Keep an eye out for a property that fits. Hopefully something comes along that will be better for both of you. Yes, Hubby has to come on board on his own. Our prayers are with you, hope it isn't a tough winter, weather wise or in life. Sounds like you have everything in perspective....James


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

I had a lot of experience with heart problems with my mother when I was a teenager. The heart problems changed her mentally, depending on how she felt and what medications she was on.
The worst was before her first open heart sugery. Normally this was a woman of cast iron will but she had trouble coping with any stress or uncertainty. I had never seen her cry. 
This was made clear to me when I found her crying behind an open door during a point where my older sister and her family were visiting. She hung onto me like she was drowning, sobbing her eyes out, because my father had proposed a 2 hour drive with the family to visit a touristy place and my mom felt she was too sick to go and still didn't want to put a damper on other people's fun. Such a small, silly thing had caused her to collapse. 
I stepped out from behind the door and told my father I was not feeling well and Mom was going to stay home with me. The rest went on the trip.
To the day she died, she never remembered this happening, along with many other things of sizable importance. She improved a lot with her first valve operation.
Heart conditions can cause strange behavior and personality issues.
I have no idea whether this applies to your husband or not but just to let you know it's a possiblity.
Hugs to you and your husband. I hope you both can find the answer.


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## lmrose (Sep 24, 2009)

where I want to said:


> I had a lot of experience with heart problems with my mother when I was a teenager. The heart problems changed her mentally, depending on how she felt and what medications she was on.
> The worst was before her first open heart sugery. Normally this was a woman of cast iron will but she had trouble coping with any stress or uncertainty. I had never seen her cry.
> This was made clear to me when I found her crying behind an open door during a point where my older sister and her family were visiting. She hung onto me like she was drowning, sobbing her eyes out, because my father had proposed a 2 hour drive with the family to visit a touristy place and my mom felt she was too sick to go and still didn't want to put a damper on other people's fun. Such a small, silly thing had caused her to collapse.
> I stepped out from behind the door and told my father I was not feeling well and Mom was going to stay home with me. The rest went on the trip.
> ...


Thankyou for telling me about your Mother. I am certain my husband having had extremes of high and low blood pressure for 67 of his 68 years has had its effect on his mind and thinking too. Anything connected with farming, gardening, animals or anything he has done his entire life he has no problem doing. It is like he acts automatically without having to think. Anything new that requires thinking and making decisions he has problems with. I have talked to a doctor who said sustained high blood pressure over a long time can affect thinking. So I think this is part of his problem.

I am in a bad position because I can't make any choices about our future without him agreeing to them. If we stay here eventually he will have to stop farming and like all the other old farms around the area the land will go back to nature. Before we bought this place we rented after we were done Light House Keeping. He drained two acres of land, put in gardens etc. We were there five years. After we left it took only two years for that land to grow up in native weeds and grasses. The brook he stoned up caved in and flooded the land.

Our present farm was run over with weeds and native grasses when we came here. It took three years to get a good garden and five years before the pastures supported a herd of goats and two horses. If my husband lets the land go back to nature in about three years this place will be a whole lot different than it is now. It may be more than he can stand and maybe then he will be willing to stop working so hard. The only other alternative will be if I can find a place he will accept to move to.I appreciate prayers that things will work out as they should.Thankyou for everyone's concern.


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## lmrose (Sep 24, 2009)

jwal10 said:


> Don't give up though. Be ready when it does come along. Keep an eye out for a property that fits. Hopefully something comes along that will be better for both of you. Yes, Hubby has to come on board on his own. Our prayers are with you, hope it isn't a tough winter, weather wise or in life. Sounds like you have everything in perspective....James


Thankyou James; I will keep my eyes open and definitely will be ready if we need to move. I have been down sizing the house hold things and continue to do so. DH has been getting rid of excess things also and sold some of the horse drawn machienery like the sulky plow and manure spreader.Fall came a month early so we will see what winter holds. We have plenty of wood despite not going to the wood lot this year. Neither horse or man felt up to the trip. We only heat three rooms to save wood. So we will be alright. Thanks for the prayers.


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## PNWest (Mar 15, 2010)

Rather than selling, advertise to trade or exchange properties. List your requirements, have a dollar figure in mind for your house and grounds so you don't feel cheated.

Perhaps someone in town with a smaller place would be happy to trade for a larger one.


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## Maura (Jun 6, 2004)

Road frontage will sell for more than nonroad frontage. Look over recent sales and see what similar land is selling for. You may be able to sell off two acre lots. The money from the sales you could use to upgrade your current home, and you could still keep your chickens.


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## ansi (Oct 8, 2013)

I would not sell. Someone would probably interested to come live on your property to help you in exchange for a place to homestead. You would have to check them out really well, but that is your best bet for staying in your current home and getting much of the work done. Your husband needs to stay active. He is slowing down, not stopping. When people stop working, their bodies deteriorate faster.
Good luck.


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## lmrose (Sep 24, 2009)

frogmammy said:


> Often, you don't get EVERYTHING you want. Give everything you want a value to define just HOW important it is to you, then work on your decision.
> 
> Mon


Hi frogmammy; A lot has happened since I asked my initial question. My husband had a heart nmonitor on him for 24 hrs and then a blood pressure monitor for 24 hrs. His heart remained normal during that time but two days later it acted up again and drs are running more tests.

I had a long talk with him and he finally realizes it is too late to think about moving and starting over. Instead he is cutting back to decrease the work. All the gardens are in beds now with electric fencing. We are cutting down to two goats this winter and one buck for meat next year. We have already cut back to a dozen hens.

We only heat three rooms in the house and I have convinced him some insulation would help cut the amount of wood we need. As for mowing it would be a lot cheaper to hire it done if he doesn't want to do it. Moving would be very expensive here as would subdividing. 

Quite frankly I just don't feel up to any major moving with my husband not well a 100%. I also woke up last week with my left ankle hurting and am scooting around the house on a chair on wheels! At this age anything can happen even when a person tries to take care of themselves.

If we just make repairs to the part of the house we live in the rest don't matter. The land requires maintenance of gardens and pastures but no major work as that has been done over the past 28yrs.

Also the place is paid for and taxes cheaper than we could get with any other place. I love it here as it is the first time I have ever lived in one place for so long in my life. I think my biggest frustration has been the fact my husband is feeling overwelmed as he isn't feeling good these days.He is tired of working so hard.

Hindsight is always 20/20 but looking backward I would have had us move to a smaller place and house after the kids left home. Then we would have had time to resettle before health problems arose. We were feeling so good back then we just never realized how quickly health can change as we age. Now we will do the best we can in the present situation.


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## ceresone (Oct 7, 2005)

Imrose, I will be 77 next July, my Husband died last year, after we battled brain cancer for over 10 years. After his death, I found I have A -Fib, which is a heart problem, however, my Dr has me on wonderful meds--I mow about 10 acres, and have the rest of the 40 bush hogged once a year. I still have 2 horses to feed, 3 dogs that were dumped on me, as well as 2 cats. I think having so much to do keeps me going, so keep at as much as each of you can..


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

Imrose- I so glad that, although you still have real problems going on, that you seem to have found a place that will do for the moment. 
For most people it's a struggle to let some things go that were a normal part of life. Sometimes it sneaks up on you with a suddeness- sometimes a slow pulling back. 
Me- I'm trying to gage that battle too. I do so want to stay here. I enjoy so much of it - the widllife and quiet- that I shudder at the thought of moving back to town. So my current goal is to be that stubborn, cranky old person who won't be told what to do. Who refuses to be told what is best for them. 
Long may we last.


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## lmrose (Sep 24, 2009)

ceresone said:


> Imrose, I will be 77 next July, my Husband died last year, after we battled brain cancer for over 10 years. After his death, I found I have A -Fib, which is a heart problem, however, my Dr has me on wonderful meds--I mow about 10 acres, and have the rest of the 40 bush hogged once a year. I still have 2 horses to feed, 3 dogs that were dumped on me, as well as 2 cats. I think having so much to do keeps me going, so keep at as much as each of you can..


 
Ceresone I am so sorry your husband had such a long battle with brain cancer and died.It is never easy losing those close to us. We have lost many family members and miss them all. Life keeps changing.

We have lost a lot of pets this year too all of elderly age and it isn't over yet as our work horse is at least 31yrs and horses live to about 35yrs or less. Animals aren't people but still an important part of our life. One dog 13yrs; and two cats died as well, 19 yrs and 17 yrs and my pet goat was 13 1/2 yrs. The other dog is 10 1/2 yrs so hopefully she will live for a few more years.I still have a four yr old cat.

My husband will continue to keep atleast two goats and a dozen hens but doesn't plan to replace the horse or dog when they die. It is hard on him trimming the horse's feet and horses eat a lot of hay.Making hay is hard here as we don't get emough drying days and we can't find good hay to buy so will cut down on hay eating animals.

Life keeps changing and we have to change with it. Have a nice day. Linda


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## jwal10 (Jun 5, 2010)

We just ride along with the flow, God puts things in our lives as needed. Sometimes we don't know what is good for us. Sweetie and I usually take the easy road, for not only now but in the future. Sometimes we back up and take another road or make a U turn. Somehow it always works out. We try to be aware of our surroundings and our health and stay ahead of that.

We too seem to do best at the beach cabin right now. We are trying it for the winter to see how we do, always before it seemed to make our joints hurt when it got damp but Oregon is always damp in the winter. We have put down soft bare wood floors with a small rug in the center, seems to work well for our feet and legs. Now we have electric heaters, nice warm heat with no cold air blowing around. Warm and clean. So far the 2 have been on for the month, not cold but run as needed at 68 degrees. Just got the electric bill, $37.00. We are all electric here. We do have a small generator wired in for heat and cooking. Our knees and hips have improved a lot. Not a lot of walking as the cottage is so small and no steps at all. The view is beautiful and life is good. We may just use the off grid cabin as a summer getaway now. Life has changed a lot for us in the last 2 years.

I hope everything works out for you and you can do what you need to do in the future to keep a good quality of life. Blessings to you....James


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## lmrose (Sep 24, 2009)

Thanks James for the encouraging words. We also are going with the flow in our lives and waiting for Divine direction. One day at a time is all we can plan for now. Like it says in scripture; " Man plots his path but God directs his steps."Have a nice day. Linda


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## Hossplay (Jul 21, 2012)

Part of getting old is accepting change and compromise. I would much rather have a log house but when I developed this place I bought a used 2000 sq foot manufactured home for $15,000. I realized after, that I probably could have got it for half that much. There was bare land one day and the next I had a home with toilets, electric, water and a kitchen with a dishwasher. I keep my six acres pretty much weed free with a 9n and box scraper. When the day comes that I am to frail to do that I am not going to worry about a few weeds. My yard is fenced and the house is surrounded by yard. When the ground thawed out I started putting my horse in the yard for an hour when I was done working with him (that's another story) to mow the lawn. I only mowed the lawn at the very beginning of spring and agiain about a month ago. We had eight chickens and were giving away eggs. The doc said I had to cut down on my cholesterol so we gave away four of the hens. We get three eggs a day from the ladies. We have two green houses and a 30 x 60 foot garden. Everything is drip irrigated from pvc pipe that I drilled small holes in. Everything in the green houses is in raised beds. I can see where heat could be a future problem. We just bought an energy efficient wood stove to replace one that isn't. Our church has a wood splitter that I can borrow. We just finished splitting about 9 cords of rounds that I had piled. We cut wood on forestry and BLM land during the summer and enjoy the outings. I am trying to stock pile three or four years ahead looking toward the reality that I may not die before I am too weak to do it any more. We have friends that had a beautiful little place in the country. She has failing eyesight and he has a problem with his legs. He gets around but has to sit down ever so often. They moved into a small trailer on their kids place near the Oregon coast thinking their place was too much for them to keep up. It was a huge mistake. Her arthritis is aggravated by the damp weather and he is bored out of his mind. I am 73 years old. I have had a pulmonary embolism, three DVT's and two kidney stones. I have macular degeneration. My physician put me on Heparin a month ago and I have to give myself a $60 subcutaneous shot in my stomach once a day. (My part D medicare drug plan does not pay for it.) It's not near as bad as it sounds and I'll be darned if I am going to give up and quit. Life is still too good. I guess there might come a time when we might have to make difficult choices. We will cross that bridge when we come to it.


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## lmrose (Sep 24, 2009)

Thank-you to everyone for sharing what they are going through and for suggestions as to what we might do here. Since I first wrote things continue their downward trend. My husband's health is gradually declining ;as he has the racing heart and dropping blood pressure followed my high blood pressure and then down again; spells are more frequent now. The heart specialist isn't sure what is going on either. All they know for sure is his aorta valve is way enlarged. When a spell comes on d/h has to sit still until it passes. It leaves him wiped out and he sleeps for awhile. After that he returns to normal until the next episode.
His attitude is good and he isn't afraid of the future.He is not a worrier. But the present is still a problem as he insists on doing the work here as long as we are here. He was a work-alcoholic all his life and worked as hard as three men.Even at his slowest he can work circles around men half his age! 
He has moving on his mind again as long as there is room for a few goats and chickens and we are closer to town. He won't advertise the farm locally because he doesn't want a lot of curious folks going through our house who have no intention of buying. So I told him I will do whatever he wants and leave it at that. I don't waste time looking any more for another place. His reasons for wanting to move are two fold. He feels he can't keep up the farm and he says if he should die I couldn't keep the place up or stay alone winters here.
I decided to leave this with God in prayer. Things will work out however they are supposed too. Doctors said my husband wouldn't live past 42 yrs. because of a kidney problem that has complications. He is now 69 yrs. old today! So what do doctors know? My d/h will live as long as God wants him here. As for myself ;if I lose him I have a back-up plan to modify my life. Hopefully I won't have too anytime soon.


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

Thanks for the update. Seems you have settled at the only possible choice for yourself anyway.
I wish you peace and haapiness.


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