# Could use some advice please



## agita (Jan 31, 2008)

Quick FYI, I joined this place in '07 or '08 and then forgot about it until I got an email a little while back, so here I am. This is a great resource, and I'm availing myself.

Anyway, I'm a widower and decided to see who may be out there, so I joined some senior dating sites. Most of my inquiries are scam artists or on another continent and the rest are either not for me or kind of flaky. I'd like to meet someone, not get in to a melodrama.

Farmers Only and similar are not for me; I'm more prepper than homesteader although they cross over in many places and I have no idea how to talk about it without sounding goofy.

My question to you all is to ask for some helpful tips to meet similar minded people of the female persuasion.

Thank you.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

yep. Good luck with that. IF your house is a shack and you haul water, they'll tell you that you got to have a good house to bring a woman to AND RUNNING WATER.
THEN, IF you have a nice house WITH running water, then they'll all talk about off grid living, tiny houses, and roughing it.
IF your young, they'll tell you your a kid, need to grow up, have some experience, ect. IF your old they'll tell you that your too old to mutt the custard, and should take anything or anyone, even if you have to dig her up late at night at the local cemetery.
No matter your experience, no matter your age, no matter your conditions, youll not do any good in here.
BUTT good luck trying.


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## Rick (May 10, 2002)

FarmboyBill said:


> yep. Good luck with that. IF your house is a shack and you haul water, they'll tell you that you got to have a good house to bring a woman to AND RUNNING WATER.
> THEN, IF you have a nice house WITH running water, then they'll all talk about off grid living, tiny houses, and roughing it.
> IF your young, they'll tell you your a kid, need to grow up, have some experience, ect. IF your old they'll tell you that your too old to mutt the custard, and should take anything or anyone, even if you have to dig her up late at night at the local cemetery.
> No matter your experience, no matter your age, no matter your conditions, youll not do any good in here.
> BUTT good luck trying.


Bill you are SO bitter! 

Tell him there have been some success stories.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

The first thing you learn here is, no one pays much attention to Bill. 

There are some very nice women here, some even in your neck of the woods who already live your lifestyle! I know of two pairs who coupled up successfully here, and the mods will tell you we average about 1 couple per year.

My best advice to you is, spend some time, get to know the participants and share some things about yourself as you feel comfortable to do that. You may or may not find a mate, but you'll make some wonderful friends, have some laughs and learn a lot.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

you could find someone here. it has happened! you didn't mention your age or if you wanted to relocate or was looking for someone who would. lots of good women on here. most of them have their own places though. by and large I'd stay away from those dating sites. jmo though. you might get lucky. 

lots of places to find women other than that. garden centers,feed stores etc. whatever you're interested in. I found one of my husband's at the grocery store. ~Georgia


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Agita,

The preppers in my area I first became aware of at three different places geared to three different levels of preparedness (4 if you count the one guy who acts like Cheech's crazy side car motorcycle riding tripwire vet cousin in one of his doper movies )

The first level prepper type I met in real life were the folks at the county extension office free classes on gardening, micro orchards, small scale poultry and livestock raising and food canning and preservation.

The second level was during our area EMA disaster prep seminars and the third was while visiting the area military surplus stores for durable disaster grade items and I met some of the bunker level preppers and that really way out there "cousin Strawberry" tripwire vet who ran that particular surplus store and I haven't returned to it since.

In each of the networking venues I found folks of both genders from 20 years younger than I to 30 years older.

If you find the various network venues of your area and there are no women, perhaps some of the males you meet in real life venues will have widowed friends , sisters or cousins in your age range who might share some of your interests enough that together you might finf interest aspects that interest both of you.

Also if you live in an area serviced by a VFD, consider joining it. Volunteer Fire Departments while primarily focused on fire fighting and weather disaster aftermath also have preppers of most every intensity and every rural VFD I have been associated with had women either qualified as firefighters/EMTs and older women , often widows in their fund raising auxiliaries .


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## bjba (Feb 18, 2003)

I have lived in many places some great some not so great. I never liked long distance relating and gave it up quickly. Perhaps desperation is the mother of 
sticking your neck out I just started relating to the people around me and after a few debacles I never lacked for companionship of the female persuasion. Some were like ships passing in the night and others are lifelong
friends. Relate to the people around you and you will be pleasantly surprised.
You will probably have expand you circle of acquaintances but shoot people are fun so that is not a chore. It can be scary and it is always rewarding to find companionship among those within shouting distance.


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## agita (Jan 31, 2008)

I wasn't thinking so much about trying to meet someone here, just to get some better ideas. 
There's a survival shop in town that does monthly classes but I've avoided it for obvious reasons. Maybe I'm a bit too low profile. I'll check it out.

Thanks everyone, I'm not very creative about this stuff.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Umm I don't think of this as a dating site. More of a single living site really.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

bjba said:


> You will probably have expand you circle of acquaintances but shoot people are fun so that is not a chore.



DONT shoot people. 
You won't like the people you meet after that.


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## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

What do you like to do? Is there someplace you can volunteer that allows you to do that and work with others? Someplace that single women might also volunteer?


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

AND, The people you meet, wont like you. lol.

Yes, I have to say that there has been a DANG FEW success stories of couples meeting here and hitting it off. BUTT, as I said. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT lol

YES, theres likely some charming ladies here. hmmmmmmmmm The TV show Charmed comes to mind LOL lol. Just kidding wimmins. There like the showroom examples one can read about, look at, but are not for sale.

I AM NOT badder, er bitter. lol Might be an ole sour puss, but not bitter lol.


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## Nsoitgoes (Jan 31, 2016)

I would second the suggestion of classes from your local extension office. Also check your local land grant universities - they often give free or minimum-charge classes on a wide variety of subjects from fruit and vegetable growing to preserving to cheese making... even if you don't meet anyone you want to date you will perhaps make a few good friends, who may have friends...

On the subject of the online sites: YMMV. Both I and Nehimama found our Sweeties on Plenty of Fish. I have had a few enjoyable dates with guys from Farmers Only, too. People have different approaches. Some have a strict "gotta have" list. Others have a couple of deal breakers but everything else is negotiable. Some are seriously looking and others are really just "tire kickers". I was serious about finding someone long term, and apart from a couple of parameters that were important (similar age, education level and financial situation) I cast a wide net. It worked for me. Others may be more wary of doing that. You have to find your own comfort level.

Edited to add: prepping is good for many reasons. Storms, bad winters, financial surprises... you don't have to come on like a wild-eyed "the zombies are coming" type...


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## Clem (Apr 12, 2016)

Just be yourself. If you try to accent your best qualities, then they'll think you're hiding your lesser ones. I like the "This is who I am, and this is what you get" approach. If a woman is interested in you, she'll look, and if she ain't, she won't. No reason to be wasting both people's time if there's no way you can keep hiding your more undesirable traits. 

As far as that goes, the ones who want to pretend they're perfect just aren't. You're a lot better off staying away from them. I could tell you stories that would curdle your brain.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

O, and I forgot to mention, TOMATER where you are, there 500 miles away from you. I had one, no names mentioned who lived 10 miles from me and just lurked here till I moved, then suddinly became visable.


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

Maybe it's just you Bill ?


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

NAH??? Do ya think??


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## agita (Jan 31, 2008)

Okay, this is what I put in the singletree profiles thread: 

I'm retired, 66 y.o, okay financially, live on a bit over 3.6 acres in the woods on a year round creek, real mountain spring water to drink and a well located half a mile from the Rogue River. This is a good place to ride out a storm or society's weirdness. 

I'm 5'6", gray hair, hazel eyes and slender/average build. I have a large dog and two sweet old cats.

I was a chemical dependency counselor the last ten years I worked and have some college and a bunch of certifications which no longer mean anything. I was a carpenter much of my life and also taught home repair and carpentry classes for women through the local learning exchange. I've remodeled a couple of our homes and restored a 1910 Craftsman Bungalow that started out looking like a crack house. I also took some side trips into the fine art world and owned a gallery for a short while.

I'm Christian, veteran, politically conservative and my word is good. I know who I am and have a pretty good idea of my strengths and weaknesses and I do my best to live and let live. 

I cared for my wife through her Alzheimer's until it became impossible for me. She passed away about eight months after entering a memory care facility. That was last December 12th.

My health suffered in the process and I had a couple of heart attacks and a triple bypass as a result. I'm okay now and getting back in shape.

I don't know if I should just accept being alone for the rest of my life or not. So I'm putting out some feelers and am going to trust my instincts on this whole thing.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

66 is only young these days. don't accept being alone if you don't want to. I'm not and I'm older than you.I know what it's like to care for someone with dementia. I just buried my friend. sucks the life right out of you. you did everything you could for your wife probably went above and beyond same as I did .now it's time for you. all the best, ~Georgia


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Dad said that, (maybe its me) Could be
BUTT
Reading your profile above, you say your a master carpenter, and taught women carpentry, AND YET, you couldn't snag one of those. Id have to say, for the women on here, and for all the good it will do you, A PIC HERE WOULDNT HURT. Ive put in a doz. Didn't help. Guess its me . Again. Good luck in whatever your doing.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

stop shoving your foot in your mouth Bill! ~Georgia


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

come to think of it I could do with a master carpenter. I'm up to my neck in wood lately. bit too young though and definitely too far away. come on girls. there's a couple of you here who would be perfect for him! ~Georgia


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

IF I put my foot in my mouth, Id probably gag lol


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## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

newfieannie said:


> I found one of my husband's at the grocery store. ~Georgia


Do you mind sharing WHICH grocery store? And what aisle do they stock them on?


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

LOL lol. AND, that store better have a hefty stock of women also, or ima suein lol


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## agita (Jan 31, 2008)

I wouldn't call myself a master carpenter, more of an advanced nail bender.


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## Nsoitgoes (Jan 31, 2016)

66 is a mere babe. I am almost 70. Being young at heart, not set in your ways and having an open mind goes a long way.


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## motdaugrnds (Jul 3, 2002)

You have what sounds like a wholesome profile. Were I younger and in your area, you would interest me. 

Don't give up! If you're set on not living alone, just keep on looking. If you're a praying man, you could also ask our Heavenly Father for a bit of help in this regard. He is there for us!


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## agita (Jan 31, 2008)

I do pray and most of the time I listen too. 

To be honest, I don't know if I really want someone in my life or not. I'm in kind of a weird space about it. In many ways I'm still adapting to bachelorhood and figuring out stuff that once upon a time was already figured out. In fact, looking at what I just wrote may be my inner voice telling me to put it on hold. I dunno'.


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## pairofthrees (Apr 28, 2016)

To me the key, regardless of whatever you decide, is not to rush. There's no right answer to who or when but at least you are coming from a place that knows what a good thing is. Should help you recognize what it is you need when you find it.


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## agita (Jan 31, 2008)

Thanks.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

All kidding aside, Ive been here over 10yrs. First off I thought Id find me a woman in no time. Well that time has wore on. Now, Im like my grape plants I planted. My main root goes down into bachelorhood, But I got a couple of side shoots out yet. There small, but there still there.

I think your last para in your next to last post says it all, for me anyways.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Kinda funny. Theres a gal, 2 towns away, 20 miles, who, as long as I was down there at the old place occasionally posted. Now that im up here, and close, shes gone.


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## motdaugrnds (Jul 3, 2002)

agita said:


> I do pray and most of the time I listen too.
> 
> To be honest, I don't know if I really want someone in my life or not. I'm in kind of a weird space about it. In many ways I'm still adapting to bachelorhood and figuring out stuff that once upon a time was already figured out. In fact, looking at what I just wrote may be my inner voice telling me to put it on hold. I dunno'.


I understand that position. When I was younger and felt I had something to offer a man, my mother needed me. After 18 yrs of caring for my precious mother, I discovered I don't have that much energy anymore to put into a relationship. Then these last few years without having anyone to take care of but myself, I discover I really like being alone; and since I live on a farm with lots of diversified pets, I never get lonely. There are times when I would like to have someone to share this wonderful life with; but the "need" for having one around is not troublesome. I'm actually learning how to enjoy life for the first time! There is absolutely no pressure in thinking only about myself as to what I *can* do or *want* to do. (Though for awhile I felt guilty for doing so...) 

So, do take time to enjoy your life alone. You can gather strength from this while you better understand who you are *now* and what you truly want.


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## Nsoitgoes (Jan 31, 2016)

FarmboyBill said:


> Kinda funny. Theres a gal, 2 towns away, 20 miles, who, as long as I was down there at the old place occasionally posted. Now that im up here, and close, shes gone.


He who hesitates... Should have snapped her up while you had the chance.


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

Your wife has only been gone for a short time, I think you should give it a little longer before dating.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

never knew about her while I had the chance.


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## agita (Jan 31, 2008)

I joined POF. We'll see what happens.


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## ceresone (Oct 7, 2005)

agits, I do hope you find someone, but I,too, think you should wait awhile, get to know yourself again I know what it is like to nurse someone with brain disorders. My late husband had brain cancer, only the last 5 years did he drift into dementia, and like you, after his death, I developed heart problems--we just dont realize the stress it puts on OUR body.. You will feel so alone for awhile-then think about what you want. I really do hope you find someone who deserves you.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

AND, there needs to be a significant gap of time between your wifes passing and before you find someone else, so that you realize that your NOT just carrying the thoughts, emotions, the way you did/said things into another relationship. You need time to find out more about yourself, now that your alone and have time to think about it with no interuptions from other people. Time to see where you could have said things differently, acted differently, and did things that would have made you a better person. It takes time to do that.


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## motdaugrnds (Jul 3, 2002)

WOW Bill you surprise me with such great logic! (Glad your foot was not in your mouth while you were writing that last post.)


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I supprise mesef occasionally lol


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## agita (Jan 31, 2008)

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the thoughtfulness that you've given this.

This is what I've come up with: I'm going to let the dating websites expire. If lightning should strike, great, but otherwise I plan on adjusting to my new life and enjoying my little piece of the woods. 

I have much to be grateful for and I think I will just sit back and enjoy it.

Thanks again.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

I was thinking the same thing yesterday when I was working on the land and I'm so thankful I still held on to it through thick and thin. I kept hearing my husband say "whatever you do dear, don't give up your land." can't wait for monday morning when I can start staying overnight. if anything happens to drop in my lap well and good. I just wont bother to search for it. that might change winter time when all I have is the city place and no work to speak of. plenty on my plate right now. ~Georgia


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

That's the thing. You don't REALLY have to search for IT. We Do to be on the same level


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## motdaugrnds (Jul 3, 2002)

agita said:


> Thanks everyone. I appreciate the thoughtfulness that you've given this.
> 
> This is what I've come up with: I'm going to let the dating websites expire. If lightning should strike, great, but otherwise I plan on adjusting to my new life and enjoying my little piece of the woods.
> 
> ...


Great plan Agita!

While enjoying your little piece of the woods, do not isolate yourself completely. Stay aware of your surroundings as you go out into the social arena, i.e. grocery stores, animal feed stores, church, etc. Stay alert to those around you as one never knows who might show up at such places.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

www.meetup.com

They have ALL kinds of groups. 
I joined a Euchre group that meets once a week to play Euchre. 
Some married, some single, some couples.......but it's a nice evening of playing cards with other folks that like to play cards.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

No card group here.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

You can start a group too!!!


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

now that's something I'd like to do play cards. never could. my first husband was a great card player. he tried to teach me but I couldn't be taught. too dense I guess. 

we must have a hundred meetup groups in this area. everything you could imagine but none of it appeals to me. ~Georgia


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

no cards, no farming. for that matter, no ranching, no gardening, no homesteading groups here.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

you're interested in re-enactment aren't you Bill? you must meet a few people at those groups. also I think you play the guitar. I notice there's a group for widows,widowers,divorcee etc. here in Dartmouth. a lot of what they do is go to Timmies and just sit around talking. wouldn't work for me. I'd sit there for half an hour or less and think I was wasting my time. I thought of joining and decided not to. 

my son tells me theres 3 Timmies opened up out in the country in the 13 years since I left and that's what most of the retired people out there do. the ones that don't spend their time travelling. good thing I intend to spend my time on my land or I wouldn't fit in at all. ~Georgia


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I DO NOT see reenactors anymore. I quit that when I moved up here last fall. I havnt played guitar since 81 when I lost 1/2 my index finger on L hand and the ring finger 1/4th was sewed back on but with no bone connection.
There is a singles/widders/widow doers, whatever they call men with wives gone. BUT This is TULSA. Whats the chances of there being a farm gal there when there are no farms around Tulsa. AND if there were some, Whats the chances Id know them as such. AND, Id have to drive 40 miles at least to meet up with who knows what. U realize also, that theres alotsa ******* in a big town like Tulsa who would fit in that group, Old women/old men.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Georgia, are you talking about Tim Horton's? We have one here, thought about stopping by just to see what they've got.

Mon


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## Alice Kramden (Mar 26, 2008)

There is a thing called "Meetups" in most American cities for people who like to do things, and want company. For instance, if you are interested in photography, look under Meetups in your city or area for photography groups, join, and have a group to go around with. Same for travel, card playing, dining out, sampling craft beers, looking at architecture in the city, all kinds of things. 

http://www.meetup.com/find/?allMeet...orm=35206&mcId=z35206&change=yes&sort=default

I changed the zip code, but this is an example. 

It might be helpful for someone.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Ah Alice, we been talkin a near full page about meet pups lol


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## Alice Kramden (Mar 26, 2008)

I shall slink off into the corner and hang my head in abject shame. 

Mumble, mumble, read before posting, mumble.....:ashamed:


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

LOL lol


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