# Advice Please



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Long story short.

Buyers had the house inspected.
They had a handful of things they wanted fixed.
I had to email ex to see what he wanted to fix (per divorce decree, he is 100% responsible for all repairs).
Being his self, he was vague and unclear.
HE wanted to come fix the stuff and I explained to him the buyers requested that licensed professionals do the work......it's in writing.
HE again says he wants to come over and fix stuff.
I said: You don't get it. We don't want you here".

So he said he would have our neighbor, who we have been friends with for 11 years, come over and give an estimate of the carpentry. 
I told ex I am here all day Sat and Sun.
The end.

At the end of the day, my agent sent their agent our response saying stick it, fix it yourself. Buy as is. So we do not need neighbor to come over.

Last evening, the neighbor, male, early 50's, texts my oldest daughter, 24, saying that her dad told him that things were really bad over here and that I am being really difficult, etc. Then asked her where we are moving, and about the people who bought the house........
And then...........then he asked her out on a date, to dinner.
I SAW THE TEXT.
WHEN she did not respond to that text.......he sent another one saying "all you girls are invited bla bla bla.......and you wouldn't be interested in an old fossil like me anyway......"

1. This is a neighbor we have known for 11 years.
2. He is 'supposedly' my ex's 'friend' (which, birds of a feather flock together, so I shouldn't be surprised)
3. This gross disgusting old pervert just crossed a line.
He was 'trusted' and now he has shown his true disgusting self.

EVEN if I showed the texts to the ex, he will never believe me.
So going to him is not an option.

I don't care what lies the ex told him.

I am really wizzed off that it's just me and my girls living out in the boonies NOW knowing that the neighbor is a pervert......

I simply cannot take another thing. Not one more. Not one more.
I don't know why all this is happening, but it can stop. Right now.
Right, Now.

I don't know what to do. That's legal.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Just breath in and breath out Laura, your neighbor was always as he is now, he's just getting more desperate and thought maybe, just maybe with your ex's information he might be able to well you know.....

He's likely harmless i it took him this long to show his colors.

As far as what to do, just keep doing what you have been doing all this time, its not easy as you know to make these kind of changes. Just one day at a time, one task at a time, soon enough you be through it. Just think how much stronger your going to be when your done with all this!! I know its nearly a trial by fire at times, many things in life are exactly like that. It also seems the trial by fire comes at the worse possible time for us, but honestly it comes exactly when we need it the most. Easy to say I know, I just when through a "trial by fire" kind of event, and guess what? Just when I thought it was getting the best of me I ended up rocking it big time.... things are now better than they have been in a long time!!!

I predict the same will be for you, its just one task, day, or event at a time till its over. Prayers for you and your family giving you strength, patience, and the right people come in your life that you need to wade through this.


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

+100% to what DIM said.

There are pervs all around, anywhere you go. Best to be proactive in self-defense. Most rapes are committed by someone that the victim knows.

This stuff works very well on unruly relatives, neighbors and workmates who have trouble staying within their boundaries, and who may be approaching rape status.

This brand has the highest reviews, and has been around a long time: "Making Grown Men Cry Since 1975" http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0007VM8UC/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Neighbor knows we are armed, to the teeth.
Also, assuming ex has not broken his true form, the neighbor 'thinks' I am 8 layers of crazy.....which I can be.......but God only knows what ex has told him.
Neighbor also knows my son, 6 foot, 190, hockey player and wired A LOT like his "crazy mama"......is at school......and won't be home till March.....long after we have moved out.

Neighbor's gonna find out what the business end of a _______ is gonna feel like if he so much as sets a foot on my property.

Yes, I do know that the world is full of disgusting perverts.
It is extra disgusting when we trusted this guy; only for him to send inappropriate messages to my daughter and 'cross that line'.

It's one more person that was extended a level of trust, that has proven they are not worthy.
Awesome.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

I have a 25 year old daughter and gross older guys hit on her all the time. She is quite capable of telling them no. Just because he asked her out doesn't make him a pervert. In appropriate? Possibly. Best thing to do is ignore the guy, keep the doors an windows locked and whatever means of protection you prefer handy.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Dirty Old Men have been around forever! Heck, I got hit on 50 years ago by them! Your DD is perfectly able to deal with them so I don't see that it's a big deal. I doubt, knowing you, that she is a delicate, shy little flower. Just keep your doors locked and your eyes open


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## Guest (Jan 24, 2015)

I admit to being confused....what is wrong with a 50 year old guy asking a grown woman of 24 out on a date? 

It's not as if she is a child...or a teen...what makes him some kind of pervert?


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## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

hmmm, tough one for me...

I'm generally attracted to older men, so possibly the 24y.o. me could have dated a gentleman in that range...

But the mom in me goes Squick!


ETA: my first BF was 10 years older than me, so maybe don't consider my opinion!


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

Boston Lesley beat me to it! The young woman isn't a minor, and the proposition doesn't seem to have been indecent. My last husband was 23 years my senior.

I acknowledge that it IS creepy to be propositioned by men whom you've come to regard as "safe." I was divorced in my early 30s, after a long (10+ years) marriage, and was totally freaked out by some of the fellas who attempted to hit on me once the separation became public knowledge. (My stepsister's husband? SERIOUSLY???!)

But, as my mother used to say, "You can't blame a guy for trying!"

(I think the last time she ever said that was when I piped up in response, "No, but you can thank him!") ound:


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Avoid, avoid, avoid! You are moving. This won't be a problem for much longer. Avoid the creepy neighbor and move on with your life. 

When I was about 20 a friend of my Grandpa(!) that I had known ALL my life suddenly started making advances on me. My Grandpa had passed or this man never would have done this. At first I thought I was mistaken....because, I'd known him all my life and looked at him as another Grandpa figure. I went out of my way to avoid him for several months and then installed a gate at the foot of the driveway. A closed gate is a good thing. He finally gave up.

Especially when there isn't a man in the house to keep other men in line you will find this happens more and more often. The friend of my Grandpa started coming on to me after my 1st divorce. I don't think he'd have done that sort of thing had I been married.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

But you always thought of him as a friend? I would cut him some slack.

My own 21 year old daughter has been asked out by older guys. I look at her slender, brown eyed self and I can see why a man would want to date her. They are not perverts, they just think she is cute. 

She is capable of saying "no", I made SURE of that!

My DD's current BF is 12 years older than she is, and actually he is a fine man. He is older than I would have liked, but she likes him and he is a good guy, so...... it is her choice.

I would worry MORE that the neighbor, who you have once called "friend" is also a friend of your ex's! But, I would not judge him too harshly because he finds your 24 year old DD "cute". For his friendship with your ex, maybe! LOL!


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## Allen W (Aug 2, 2008)

I think your mama bear instincts may be in over drive, but you know the guy not the rest of us. Trust your instincts.


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## qtkitty (Apr 17, 2005)

I think older guys have figured out that it costs nothing to look and if they ask worse they will get is a no, but they have a slim chance for a yes. Most once you say no leave it at that. 

When I was 18/19 I worked at a gas station, there were two of us working who were young. We sold a ton of ice cream even in the winter mostly to men. Most of them wanted mixed flavors of large waffle cones. Granted it was good ice cream, but there were some guys getting 2 a day.

I happened to be over cleaning one day while the other lady was scooping Ice cream and looked over. Omg! They could see right down our polo work shirts that we always left completely unbuttoned because it was hot. So embarrassing! Naughty men!

I of course told the others and most of us started buttoning our top button so they didn't get a free show. Our boss knew that you could see and had never mentioned it to us. Dolp!


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

I went back and re-read the OP. Phew! That's what I get for reading it too fast. I was thinking Laura's daughter was _much_ younger. 

I agree, the 24/50 year range does not make the neighbor a pervert! (However I can understand a proposition by man old enough to be her father can make some young women uncomfortable.)



.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

I am really surprised at all the answers saying that this isn't a big deal! If it were, oh lets say a fella at a bar....it wouldn't be a big deal. 

This is someone they have known for long time and in a position of trust. He has known the daughter since she was 13! That makes it a pretty big deal in my book.


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## qtkitty (Apr 17, 2005)

I wouldn't say its not a big deal. I didn't see the messages a lot depends on how it was worded to his meaning. 

In general though, if it was once and the guy is told no and he drops it, no matter the age its okay. Its when they get weird about it and start making you uncomfortable that its over the line. Doesn't matter how young or old the guy is.


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## Paumon (Jul 12, 2007)

I'd like to see the exact wording of the texts that were sent.


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## Paumon (Jul 12, 2007)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Buyers had the house inspected.
> 
> They had a handful of things they wanted fixed.
> 
> ...


Just as an aside - if that's really how you responded to the buyers you might have lost those buyers as they might now think you have something costly to hide and are covering for it with a rude knee-jerk response.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

TxMex said:


> I am really surprised at all the answers saying that this isn't a big deal! If it were, oh lets say a fella at a bar....it wouldn't be a big deal.
> 
> This is someone they have known for long time and in a position of trust. He has known the daughter since she was 13! That makes it a pretty big deal in my book.


It's not that I don't think it's a big deal, but the daughter is 24. She is an adult. I'd be far more concerned if she were still 13, but she's not and I get the impression that this guy wasn't all that 'trusted' to begin with. Admittedly, I am looking at the situation through the lens of my own family dynamic. Unless the guy was threatening her or being very aggressive with my daughter or she asked for my help to make him go away, I would not get my feathers ruffled. YMMV.


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## Guest (Jan 25, 2015)

TxMex said:


> I am really surprised at all the answers saying that this isn't a big deal! If it were, oh lets say a fella at a bar....it wouldn't be a big deal.
> 
> This is someone they have known for long time and in a position of trust. He has known the daughter since she was 13! That makes it a pretty big deal in my book.


My goodness! An older man who has known this young woman since she was a teenager asked her out to dinner! She's a grown woman ! He didn't grope her at the mailbox or get caught fondling panties on the clothesline... Just because he asked her for a dinner date means he is a pervert who now cannot be trusted?
Imagine a high school teacher who runs into a former student who is now an adult of 24.... Would he be some sort of horrid beast if he asked her to dinner??????????


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## no really (Aug 7, 2013)

Trying to think this through, I'm 35 my best friends son is 12. After watching him grow up for the next 10 years or so I don't think I could ever seriously consider him date material, the creep factor came in pretty high on that one. But hey that's just me.


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## TRellis (Sep 16, 2013)

I had a 28 year old ask me out about two weeks ago...

Should I feel creeped out???

TRellis


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## qtkitty (Apr 17, 2005)

No really- There are women i know as acquaintances that went absolutely nuts when Jacob from the Twilight movies turned "legal". That was the topic of conversation for months: his muscles and general oh what they would do with him if they got ahold of him and eye brow wiggles. No offense guys but put me in the mind of horn dog guys when they get together and talk about similar topics. Some are younger and older than me. Personally I can't forget him as a scraggly toothed youngster in shark boy and lava girl, but I don't fault the women for being attracted either. 

Some people are attracted by different things and if two people in this world connect and can find happiness more power to them. However, if someone's not into it they have the right to tell the other person to go fly a kite.


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## no really (Aug 7, 2013)

I've had younger guys ask me out too, but not someone I knew as a kid and watched grow up. I just have a totally different feeling there.

I have hugged this boy as a child, experienced feelings toward him as a child, don't feel I would be able to switch like that.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

no really said:


> I've had younger guys ask me out too, but not someone I knew as a kid and watched grow up. I just have a totally different feeling there.
> 
> I have hugged this boy as a child, experienced feelings toward him as a child, don't feel I would be able to switch like that.


Yes! This is the creep factor. If he hadn't known her since she was little and watched her grow up it wouldn't be that big of a deal. She could just brush him off and go on. There is an element of betrayal of trust in these situations.

There will always be older men hitting on younger women. It's the setting that it happened in that is creepy. Apparently the male ego never shrinks.

Lesley I would have a huge problem with the scenario you suggested. It would be very inappropriate for a high school teacher to ask out a former student.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Tex, you get it.
Thanks.

Gonna keep our heads low, mouths shut, and Remmy racked in....
I can't wait to get out of here.

I asked for advice, and I want to thank everyone for their input.
I am kinda blown away at the responses!! 
I am definitely in the minority with the position of "he is more than inappropriate".
I think it's downright creepy-pervy-suspicious that at 54 year old man waits to 'proposition' my 24 year old daughter UNTIL my son is away at college, he knows her boyfriend is stationed in Korea, and her father, "his friend" is no longer living in the home. (AND it's clear that the father is not speaking to any of us in the home (IE: no communication / no one telling anyone anything / he can sneak under the wire and get in the hen house undetected)

Yes, old men will hit on younger women, which I still think is gross, but whatever, that's just me.
Old women hit on younger men, again, ewww, but whatever.

This was someone that we have known and trusted for 11 years, and for him to "wait" until the above stated senario played out?
That's predatorial in my opinion.

It's one thing for a random old man to hit on a young girl (ewww) but to break this kind of trust? Inexcusable.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Paumon said:


> Just as an aside - if that's really how you responded to the buyers you might have lost those buyers as they might now think you have something costly to hide and are covering for it with a rude knee-jerk response.


Seriously? (insert eyes rolling)
Yeah, of course that is exactly how a professional real estate agency responds on the Buyers Inspection Report.........:umno:

Wow...a lot


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

TxMex said:


> Yes! This is the creep factor. If he hadn't known her since she was little and watched her grow up it wouldn't be that big of a deal. She could just brush him off and go on. There is an element of betrayal of trust in these situations.
> 
> There will always be older men hitting on younger women. It's the setting that it happened in that is creepy. Apparently the male ego never shrinks.
> 
> Lesley I would have a huge problem with the scenario you suggested. It would be very inappropriate for a high school teacher to ask out a former student.


I know of a teacher who ,after the student matured to 24, dated and married her. Nothing was creepy about the relationship at all. I never picked up on anything questionable.


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## tamarackreg (Mar 13, 2006)

The neighbor crossed a line. Sounds like it was handled well and you are prepared for a more forceful advance if it comes. Good on you.

I'm knocking on 50 and close friends with a couple of fine young women. It is a position of privilege and trust. There are lines that are not crossed.


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## Allen W (Aug 2, 2008)

TxMex said:


> Yes! It would be very inappropriate for a high school teacher to ask out a former student.


One didn't wait about an hour north of here, and she now has about six counts of rape against her.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Allen W said:


> One didn't wait about an hour north of here, and she now has about six counts of rape against her.


I feel that there is a vast difference between that and an older man asking a young woman on a date.

BTW, I think that teacher who has been using her authority as a teacher to seduce young men is a very sick person.


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## Echoesechos (Jan 22, 2010)

Just when it looks like things are smoothing out huh? I agree it has a definite creep factor. Not the age so much as he approached her via a text, after knowing her since so young and NOW makes his move when you all are in a vulnerable part of your life. I understand where you are coming from. By what you said on the second text he might have realized he had overstepped his bounds. 
For warned and all that. Disappointing that someone you have known and trusted turned out to be skeevy, but at least you know now without being surprised at a more critical point down the road.

Hang in there, it will be better.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Laura Z5, how does your DD feel about this issue? Surely this has happened before where an older man has come on to her? And, did you read the texts yourself? She is going to be on her own soon so perhaps a few pointers from you is a good thing.

One thing I always told DD is that if a situation doesn't feel right, it isn't right and to get the heck out of there. I told her to go with her gut.

If I think of anything else, I'll be back.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

*Ardie,* it freaked her out.
This is my oldest, and my antithesis.
She is tiny, innocent, quiet, meek, gentle, and as kind as they come.
She is loving, caring, helpful and gives people the benefit of the doubt.
She can fall prey to a manipulator as she likes to see the good in people.

She was grossed out because he is 30 years older than her.
She was freaked out because she trusted him, and he's our neighbor, so he knows her bf is Korea, her brother is in Iowa, and her dad does not live here.
She feels betrayed because she looked to him as an adult neighbor, a FRIEND of her dad's etc.
She does not want to be home alone. She is afraid he will wait till she's alone to 'come over and apologize'.....and although I have enough fire power to stop a small army, she's not the type of person to 'neutralize a threat'.

He knows our coming and going (who drives what and when we are at work and at home).
He knows the lay out of our house.

YES I KNOW this is the 'extreme' however comma, suffice it to say, my daughter is freaked out.

Yes, old pervy guys have 'oggled' her. Yes, old pervy guys have made gross to just inappropriate comments.......yes it grossed her out, but it never frightened her.


But this is a neighbor; supposedly a "friend" of her dad's....someone that was trusted.

Yes I have the texts.
I sent them to my son. 
She sent them to her bf in Korea. 
I let my boss (29) and my other boss (25) both male, read them. 
I wanted to know if I was blowing this out of shape.
Both of my bosses know my daughter.
And they both said "The only reason a 54 year old man asks a 24 year old girl out is for one thing.....and he ain't looking for a long term relationship or marriage".

HERE'S THE KICKER:
I can't tell her dad. He won't believe me. EVEN if I sent the texts.
She can't tell her dad. He will say she's over reacting (because he is spineless and non-confontational and a DP himself) 
I really don't want to say anything.....I just want to leave.
I don't want to kick that hornets nest.

She blocked him number from her phone.


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## qtkitty (Apr 17, 2005)

Did she tell the man she felt it wasn't appropriate? 

Thinking of the worst case scenario is good, but if it freezes you up in side that's not good either.

Do you lock your doors, so if he came to apologize he couldn't get in easily? Can you give her a plan to get behind a second locked door or some how get out of the house with out him being able to catch her if it came to that since she isn't someone who can take out a threat. If he would attempt forceful entry to the house then you could call the cops. Do you know how long they take to respond?

Or does she have friends than can come hang or she can hang at their house during the times she would otherwise be alone until she feels better about the situation? 

I have noticed when your the quiet shy one and suddenly 'bow up' it catches people off guard just enough to neutralize the situation at least long enough to remove yourself from the situation.


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## Echoesechos (Jan 22, 2010)

Can you change up your habits some? Change vehicles for awhile? I hope he just used pee poor judgement and regrets the text. He might even be changing his habits to avoid you all. Watch yourselves and be extra vigilant. The quiet shy ones are the easiest to intimidate. Hang in there. Maybe sign her up for some defense classes or all of you. If nothing else you will learn some extra life skills.


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## Guest (Jan 26, 2015)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Ardie, it freaked her out.
> This is my oldest, and my antithesis.
> She is tiny, innocent, quiet, meek, gentle, and as kind as they come.
> She is loving, caring, helpful and gives people the benefit of the doubt.
> ...



I sure hope that some kind soul warns this poor SOB that the neighbors have loaded their guns, deemed him to be a pervert , think that he's a creep who apparently is also a potential rapist because he asked a 24 year old adult female neighbor out to dinner. God forbid he shows up at the front door to offer to help fix the carpentry and gets shot for his trouble....I've never heard such a leap to "pervert" from asking for a dinner date in my entire life..but hey...it's your little red wagon.


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

I will be the brave (stupid) guy to step in to this nest of overreaction... What Lesley said I agree with, BUT... Your daughter blocked him, problem solved. Or maybe you should all just go over and "neutralize the threat" with "extreme prejudice"! That will also serve notice to all the "old pervey guys" within miles... And you ladies wonder why guys are not more anxious to make the first move by asking you all out... paranoid much???


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Gross much?
How rude.
You clearly have a different opinion. You made that clear many posts ago.
I thanked everyone for their opinions, that I asked for, even the ones I didn't agree with.......

So this was way out of line. WAY out of line.
I thought higher of you two......


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> I've had younger guys ask me out too, but not someone I knew as a kid and watched grow up. I just have a totally different feeling there.
> 
> I have hugged this boy as a child, experienced feelings toward him as a child, don't feel I would be able to switch like that.


Yeah, it's weird! I had an old boyfriend that I dated for awhile, then we remained friends afterwards. I recall him one time mentioning that an old friend of his had stopped by with his daughter, and the daughter had gotten up into her teens and was really a looker! I gave him all kinds of heck about being a dirty old man, etc. ound:

Fast forward a couple of years, he and the girl were married (despite a 20-year age difference!). It's been about a decade; they have three sons now. 

Come to think of it, my grandfather was 37 and my grandmother only 17 when they were wed. I never knew him -- he died before I was born -- but by all accounts, it was a happy marriage. :huh:


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## Guest (Jan 26, 2015)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Gross much?
> How rude.
> You clearly have a different opinion. You made that clear many posts ago.
> I thanked everyone for their opinions, that I asked for, even the ones I didn't agree with.......
> ...


When you post additional information, you invite additional commentary......


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## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

Laura, you're the only one of us that knows this person. He may be a skeezer, or just wanting a nice dinner out with a pretty girl. 

We're just offering a broad range of opinions, but if your gut says No, then No.

And there are life lessons for a 24y.o. girl to learn here.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

RideBarefoot said:


> Laura, you're the only one of us that knows this person. He may be a skeezer, or just wanting a nice dinner out with a pretty girl.


IMHO men 30 years older, are only looking for one thing.
My son, her bf, and my 2 bosses, agree.....



> We're just offering a broad range of opinions, but if your gut says No, then No.
> 
> And there are life lessons for a 24y.o. girl to learn here.


I appreciate the 'advice / opinions' even when I don't agree.
I don't appreciate snark.

There are GREAT lessons to be learned, and we have talked about them.
I am not sure how she ended up so delicate, but it is frustrating. 
I recognized we are individually and uniquely Created, however, I don't want her tender, gentle self to be a target.....I hope that makes sense.


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## painterswife (Jun 7, 2004)

I have been asked out to dinner by all kinds older men over the years. I never assumed that being asked out to dinner was automatically a date. I have gone out to dinner with men who were older and family friends. Lovely dinners of conversation and laughs. Nothing romantic or sleezy. Family frinds are often just trying to make your day brighter when things are a bit down.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Wlover said:


> I have been asked out to dinner by all kinds older men over the years. I never assumed that being asked out to dinner was automatically a date. I have gone out to dinner with men who were older and family friends. Lovely dinners of conversation and laughs. Nothing romantic or sleezy. *Family frinds are often just trying to make your day brighter when things are a bit down*.


*And I totally agree with you.......*

But when he texted "OOOOOPS i hope I didn't cross a line. I doubt you'd be interested in an old fossil like me anyway"........

This was not a neighbor 'comforting' or 'being a friend' or brightening her day.
This was a dog sniffing to see if he'd found a place to do his business.


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## painterswife (Jun 7, 2004)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> And I totally agree with you.......
> 
> But when he texted "OOOOOPS i hope I didn't cross a line. I doubt you'd be interested in an old fossil like me anyway"........
> 
> ...


I missed that part. However he was polite and honest and upfront. 

A polite, " I am flattered but I don't see you that way" seems the appropriate response to a family friend not an escalated fight or flight response that has guns drawn.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

She wasn't flattered. She was grossed out, uncomfortable and frightened.

And that's your opinion, and I thank you for sharing!


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## painterswife (Jun 7, 2004)

I can easily understand uncomfortable and grossed out. Why the frightened? How does asking someone out, lead to fright?

Has he ever done anything to make her frightened before? If so why was he still a family friend?


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Regarding the texts he sent, were they lewd? Did he request that she do something lewd?

No, this is an older men who asked a young woman he has known for years out to dinner! Why the drama? This wasn't the first situation nor will it be the last where she will be in an uncomfortable situation. She had best learn how to handle it with dignity & class.


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## RedEarth (Sep 21, 2005)

I share this because you are expressing great concern for your daughter's safety and wellbeing. The best way to prepare someone for a safe AND happy life is to help them first be aware, and second, react appropriately. 

Like most women, I've experienced a wide range of questionable/creepy/inappropriate advances/comments/situations. I've had to use physical means to protect myself before. My 16 year old daughter has experienced worse when she was even younger, from an older than her predator in the form of a charmer. I'm aware of how creepy and dangerous some people can be. I still know that most people are reasonably good, even if some of them are sometimes awkward or stray into the slightly creepy side. 

From what I hear I think you and your daughter are not in any unusual danger of harm. Sometimes when you've been under a lot of stress or have been in a vulnerable place, some things can feel more dangerous than they are. I think it would be good to consider that that may be happening now. I'm glad you're teaching your daughter to stand up for herself, and I hope that she also learns a good dose of confidence and grace, too. They are all important.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Ardie/WI said:


> Regarding the texts he sent, were they lewd? Did he request that she do something lewd?
> 
> No, this is an older men who asked a young woman he has known for years out to dinner! Why the drama? This wasn't the first situation nor will it be the last where she will be in an uncomfortable situation. She had best learn how to handle it with dignity & class.


I also think that sending the texts to her BF was uncalled for! What is he supposed to do? And, showing them to your bosses is over the top. It makes her look unflatteringly immature.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Ardie, you need some sunshine.....you're extra cranky.

Re read what I said and it will explain why I showed them to my bosses.
SHE told her bf, because one day he will be her husband, and they tell each other everything.....super important that couples communicate if they want to stay, couples.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Ardie, you need some sunshine.....you're extra cranky.
> 
> Re read what I said and it will explain why I showed them to my bosses.
> SHE told her bf, because one day he will be her husband, and they tell each other everything.....super important that couples communicate if they want to stay, couples.


Not cranky...just to-the-point!


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## TRellis (Sep 16, 2013)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> IMHO men 30 years older, are only looking for one thing.
> My son, her bf, and my 2 bosses, agree.....


That is not always true...

I turned down the 28 year old. Yes, she was quite pleasing to the eye, but I am also looking for someone that has more than half of a brain and does not take it out during lunch and play with it. She miserably failed to meet that criteria of mine.

TRellis


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## wr (Aug 10, 2003)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> IMHO men 30 years older, are only looking for one thing.
> My son, her bf, and my 2 bosses, agree......



If I had followed this belief my life would be so much poorer. 

I lost my best friend this year and neither of us remembers when or how we met. He was brilliant, spoke 7 languages and more often than not, we completed each other's sentences. Every day we had was special and cherished and he was 32 years older than me. 

Five hours after he passed, I shattered my ankle and the cast came off five hours and three months after his death and each day at therapy, I hear his voice, 'hey, i just about died in that accident and I had to learn to walk again too. All you gotta do is take one more step than yesterday and more more tomorrow.'


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Thank you so much for all your advice and personal stories!

We have chosen to just say nothing, and move on. 
We will be moving out all week this week, with the goal of being completely DONE with this house, next Saturday. 
Pappy Pervert problem solved.


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

Your neighbor did you a favor. He showed his true interest. Now that you know, you can respond, if necessary, as appropriate.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Laura; get real, calm down. You've got a contract on your house. Your old neighbor has been turned down--you are leaving and will never see him again. You have things to sell, to dispose of, a move to make. Going postal over some old goat asking the whole bunch of you out to dinner is not helping.

Calm down, sell your place, get rid of the things you can't take with you and do what is needed, move, put it behind you. (By the way, how old IS that neighbor?)

As for the repairs--just went thru that. Sometimes you tell the buyers, no, if you want it done, do it yourself after you buy. Sometimes you say, ok, we'll allow you the money to have it done, but you hire the repairs done after you buy. Sometimes you say, OK, we'll have the repairs done before the inspection. 

I just went thru this; I put on a new roof, had bathroom heaters replaced, new gutters, re-grouted one of the showers. But I got a premium price for my hovel. You've a much larger place and should come out smelling like a rose. Peddle the place and move on.


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