# Laugh at yourself in this thread.



## unregistered358967 (Jul 17, 2013)

I'm sure we all do stupid things from time to time.

I work from home and wear headphones. I was just taking a little break and I clicked on a news clip. No sound. I fiddled with the volume on the clip itself. Nothing. I fiddled with the volume on my computer. Nothing. I started to get really angry and was imaging what I'd need to do next to try to fix this until I heard a soft noise..coming from my headphones which propped on the desk and NOT on my head.


What have you done lately that makes you go :smack


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## Goat Servant (Oct 26, 2007)

This is going to be good....


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## simi-steading (Sep 27, 2012)

I opened a jar of Apple Pie last Friday night for a few sips.. I had a lot of things to get done the next day.. 

I really don't remember finishing the quart, and needless to say, I got nothing done the next day that I had to get done.. My wife and I had a good time though, talking and playing music and dancing around the living room..... 

Not really laughing at myself, but rather disappointied in myself.. I know better, but I did it anyway.. yes, had a great time with my wife, but no, wasn't happy I didn't get stuff done.


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## Peace n Quiet (Jun 16, 2003)

Oh boy. I could fill PAGES with the dumb things I do!! LOL
I'll just give you the most recent...

Last night DS called me to talk about what presents he wanted to buy for his siblings. He asked me to get into my email as he was sending me a link to a youtube video so I could see the gift.

So, while talking to him, I went to the computer to log in but found that it was already occupied my two youngest kids. No problem I thought... I'll just look at it on my cell phone. 

That's when I amused my kids and husband... walking around frantically trying to find my cell phone, thinking it was lost. I did this for 5 whole minutes!!! They all sat around laughing - even my son on the phone who had called me and was talking to me - ON MY CELL PHONE!!!! :smack


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## galfriend (Nov 19, 2004)

I don't do mornings! I don't like cooking breakfast every morning either, but I do for DH. Yesterday I opened the fridge and grabbed the jar to jelly up the toast. Last piece of bread in the house too. But, it wasn't jelly, it was pickle relish! 

I have cataracts too, so I surprise myself daily with a lot of unusual things.


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## okiemom (May 12, 2002)

simi-steading said:


> I opened a jar of Apple Pie last Friday night for a few sips.. I had a lot of things to get done the next day..
> 
> I really don't remember finishing the quart, and needless to say, I got nothing done the next day that I had to get done.. My wife and I had a good time though, talking and playing music and dancing around the living room.....
> 
> Not really laughing at myself, but rather disappointied in myself.. I know better, but I did it anyway.. yes, had a great time with my wife, but no, wasn't happy I didn't get stuff done.


you got a lot done. spending time with your wife and reminding her of why you married is always good. the headache the next day not so good. :happy2:

I do so many :smack that there are too many to choose from. Sometimes it a wonder I can get out of bed.


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## calliemoonbeam (Aug 7, 2007)

Less-is-more, been there, done that...more times than I care to count, lol! (We do the same kind of work). :kung: A few months ago I bought some great new speakers and a $300 set of headphones (yeah I know, but I use them for work, as well as entertainment).

Just yesterday, I had been working, took a break to get some hot tea, came back and put my headphones on...and no sound! I must have spent 15 minutes fiddling with the sound settings on the computer, through the software program I was using and everything I could think of. 

I was starting to get irritated, thinking those nice new headphones had gone kaput already...when I looked and realized the speaker power light wasn't on. Apparently when I got up I bumped the power button with my keyboard and turned the speakers off! :smack: 

I've also gone too long without charging the headphones. They have a USB port that has to be plugged into the computer to charge every once in a while, and I do the same thing, driving myself crazy trying to figure out why I have no sound, lol.

I have a bumper sticker on my bulletin board that says "I used to have a handle on life, but then it fell off."


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

I fall UP the stairs at least once a day.


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## Snowfan (Nov 6, 2011)

I, personally, NEVER do anything stupid. OK, I lied. But several years ago, my wife embarrassed herself. She opened a letter from the bank saying they were going to start charging for some type of automatic pay thing. My wife calls them up, talks to 3 different people, explains that us old folks don't pay for that service. Almost looses her temper because they can't find our account. She starts talking louder, asking if there are any adults working at the bank. After about 10 minutes, she realizes that she has opened our sons mail. My son and daughter-in-law and I thought it was funny. My wife failed to see the humor. Gotta love us old people.


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## Rockytopsis (Dec 29, 2007)

DH's brother spent the night a few years ago and told DH the next morning that the had really enjoyed the red Kool-Aid in the fridge. It was Humming bird food.

Nancy


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

I step over hot wires or through hot wires at the farm after work. When I lose my balance with a bucket of feed in the process, and then try to hop, skip and jump before getting a charge in the inverted v notch of my jeans before the next electric fence pulse happens, I'm sure it's funny to people driving by. It may be funnier to see how I try to recover and look like nothing happened.

Goat Servant, we're not letting you off that easy.


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## Irish Pixie (May 14, 2002)

I was dumping and scrubbing the pasture water trough last summer and dropped the hose to complete the scrubbing when it got stuck in between a rock and the trough and sprayed me in the head and chest. All I did was stand there for a couple of second in disbelief and then went into full on scramble to get out of the spray. I was absolutely soaked. :happy2: 

I never remember which way the hose nozzle turns off when I'm filling stall buckets- it is NOT righty tighty, lefty loosy but since I'm usually listening to a book and not paying attention to what I'm doing I forget and turn it on harder. Then there is a mad rush of getting it shut off before I over fill the buckets. There is adult language and mature content when this happens- and it's pretty much 3 times a week.


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## TRAILRIDER (Apr 16, 2007)

Recently at work I had to ask my coworkers where I had left my eyeglasses.....yes, they were on my forehead! But hey, I come by it naturally, I saw my own father ask my mom the same exact question many years ago...and his glasses were also on his forehead!

As far as electric fence wires go. A while back I had a strand of electric wire across part of the goat pen (not there anymore) about chest high. In the dark of the morning I walked smack into it carrying a bucket of water. Got zapped, startled myself so bad I dropped the bucket and peed my pants! Stood there, in the dark, all alone and laughing my butt off! it was indeed funny. Glad I was alone though!


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## simi-steading (Sep 27, 2012)

Yes, I've looked for my keys in the fridge.. .yep.. I've found them there..


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

...not confessing to anything that happened in the dark.


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## Fire-Man (Apr 30, 2005)

Picture this------I work on CB Radio's---Have been for 25+ years---self trained.

I have a monitor at my chicken pen, 1/2 mile from my house---yes its a CB with the mic taped keyed up/pressed on a homemade flip/flop timer----yesterday it stop transmitting. I get on the golfcart, drive 1/2 mile, check, looking at the meter it seems to not be putting out any power, but the red light on the mic comes on so I know the mic is working----Maybe the battery is weak----I unhook the battery drive back 1/2 mile and get a fresh charged battery-----back 1/2 mile and hook it up-----still no power output-----figured the final is burnt out of this real old radio-----I unhook just the radio---leave the mic hanging on the fence----1/2 mile to the shop, hook the cb up on the test bench----its working perfect---Hmmm---maybe the coax is bad----Grab a new coax, the radio----1/2 mile again----rehook it back up---change coax----still no out power----I finally put my reading glasses on-----get down and look at the meter on the front-----realize the transmit light is not on----long story shorten---the tape I had the mic taped with had got warm and stretched----just enough that the lite on the mic was staying on, but not enough to make the radio transmit. -LOL, Yes I laughed---after I "Cooled" off----LOL.


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## TRAILRIDER (Apr 16, 2007)

simi-steading said:


> Yes, I've looked for my keys in the fridge.. .yep.. I've found them there..


I found my camera in there once!


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## doozie (May 21, 2005)

I have a computer key board with a numerical key pad to the right. I have ( more than once) picked up my phone and tried to dial with the keyboard.


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## mzgarden (Mar 16, 2012)

I've left my coffee cup sitting on the top of one of the fence posts around the barn so many times, we've considered super gluing a coffee cup on the top of each post and pretending they're supposed to be there.


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## quietperson (May 31, 2004)

doozie said:


> I have a computer key board with a numerical key pad to the right. I have ( more than once) picked up my phone and tried to dial with the keyboard.


I used to work for a wholesale grocery distributor and spent my whole day inputting weights, barcodes, product codes on a number pad......I always had to hardest time trying to use the phone when I would get home....lol. Thanks for the memory.


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

Some things I've done...

Sat down in the tub only to realize I still had my undies on...

Stepped into the tub only to realize I still had my socks on...

Put the ice cream in the fridge instead of the freezer...

Used air freshener instead of hair spray on my hair...

Used Desitin diaper ointment instead of toothpaste on my toothbrush (smelled it before it hit my mouth, thank goodness)...

Tried to unlock my front door with my remote car lock thingie. Also tried it on the elevator doors at a hospital one time. SIGH...didn't work on either one.

But, the most embarrassing thing I ever did that made me laugh at myself was when we were building our house. I'd gone into the woods to pee and our dog came up behind me and stuck his cold wet nose to my bare behind. I jumped and peed on my pants and had to wear them until we went home a few hours later. I was mad, embarrassed and laughing all at the same time.


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## Shygal (May 26, 2003)

I have actually stepped on a rake and had it come whipping up and smack me in the face like the Three Stooges.
Ive had a flowerpot fall on my head and break, again like the Three stooges.


My daughter is the one that has embarrassing stuff happen though. When she was 12, we were in Kmart and she was looking at the bicycles....they were on the floor lined up one right next to the other. She touched one on the end and it slowly fell over, hitting the next one that slowly fell over, hitting the next one , etc like dominoes faster and faster, it sounded like the roof was falling in there lol, about 20 bikes involved in all

She is the one that pulls the apple out of a display and the entire display of apples comes crashing to the floor. Saturday in Bath and Body Works, she picked up one bottle of lotion and the entire display of lotion, spray, etc that was stacked like a house of cards, went crashing down


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## ann in tn (Nov 25, 2007)

When I was in the Army and stationed in 2nd Infantry Division in Korea we were on a 30 field mission. We were in BDUs, boots, field jacket, long underwear (did I mention this field exercise was in the winter LOL) and there I am walking from point A to B in our tent area when I trip - over nothing - ground flat as can be - cannot get my hands out front because it was so unexpected and wham face first, flat into the ground in front of the Major and Sergeant I drove for, my office mates and tent mates. Do you know they made up an award for me at the end of the exercise for that perfectly flat landing. LOL It was all in fun and something I can definitely laugh about - my husband teasingly calls me "grace"


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## Wolfy-hound (May 5, 2013)

I do things on a regular basis...

Once I was testing the temps in my incubator and noticed the temps were fluctuating crazy amounts, way high then way low, when it's supposed to keep it within 2-4 degrees of what you set it for. 

So I re-set the thermostat control, then leave it overnight, recheck the temperatures recorded on my thermometer unit. Still had crazy high and low temps. Did this again. Turned the power strip off, then on, then reset and waited overnight, STILL highs and lows. So I angrily call the manufacturer, because this incubator is only a year or so old and I bragged on it being "practically idiot-proof!" to everyone the year before as it was so easy and perfect. The rep was patient and basically said "Unplug everything, wait five minutes, plug it all back in and try once more. If it still doesn't work properly tomorrow, please call me back and we'll troubleshoot it more."

Now, I'd turned the POWER STRIP off... but I hadn't actually unplugged anything, so I sort of stomped in and started just unplugging every.... wait... only the thermostat was plugged in with the fan... but the actual heat strips weren't even plugged in! So I was running the fan and thermostat.. and those highs and lows were just the temps of the ROOM as it got cold at night and warm during the day.

To my credit, I did call the rep back and explain that the incubator was fine and I was the moron. I guess it wasn't completely idiot-proof after all, or I'm a exceptionally talented idiot. He was very nice and ALMOST waited until we'd hung up before beginning to laugh.

Electric fence wires have provided lots of entertainment to my friends. We had one wire along the top of a field fence, and I would climb over carefully so I didn't touch it to the inside of a thigh. Invariably if there was other people around, I'd hit it, jump and curse. One day I hit it, jumped and lost my foothold on the fence, grabbed the hotwire, jumped again, fell backwards, tangled my free foot in the wire, tore it loose kicking and ended up side down on the far side, hot wire tangled around one leg still kicking and facedown in freshly plowed dirt. I really hated hotwire after that.


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## am1too (Dec 30, 2009)

Ravenlost said:


> Some things I've done...
> 
> Sat down in the tub only to realize I still had my undies on...
> 
> ...


Ever noticed the first thing a dog usually does is sniff butts? I sure don't understand why.


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## rhaige9 (Oct 31, 2010)

I made it all the way to work one morning before I realized I'd forgotten to put on a bra. I'm really well endowed, there was no way I was going to slouch and hide the girls.


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## ejagno (Jan 2, 2008)

Just today I was rushed trying to get my payroll completed and submitted by 5pm for direct deposits to go out in time. I woke up with a terrible headache and hours later I was running a high fever. I knew before I started payroll that my black ink cartridge was low so I replaced it with a new one. Got payroll done, submitted the direct deposits and proceeded to print out the rest of the checks. The were so light I couldn't read them. I calibrated the printer, cleaned the print head and tried again only to get the same results. After multiple tries it finally hit me, "It helps to take the tape off of the new cartridge before installing."


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## empofuniv (Oct 14, 2005)

I made it to work one morning through a So Calif commute and as I started to get out of the car realized I had my bedroom slippers on. And I worked in a steel toe safety shoe area. Had to call my boss and tell him I was in the parking lot, but had to go back home and get some real shoes on. One of my co-workers was walking by so I had him come tell the boss I really was in the parking lot and yes...I did have on orange bedroom slippers! Never did really live that down.


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## Wolfy-hound (May 5, 2013)

Ahhh! Only a few weeks ago, I had to spend all day at work in sheepskin boots because I forgot my regular shoes! My truck was cold and I wore the boots to keep my feet warm on the drive, intending to switch in the parking lot... but it's hard to put the shoes on when you left them home.


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## Vosey (Dec 8, 2012)

I haven't laughed this hard in a long, long time! Thank you all. I am glad I am not alone, I have done way too many of the same things!

I routinely have my glasses on my face and am looking for them (I bet that means I need new ones), I ALWAYS turn the chicken water faucet the wrong way and spray water everywhere, a few days ago I found the yogurt in the cupboard, not the fridge and just last week I wore my slippers to work! Thankfully, I have a pair of shoes at work! And I'm a little young for dementia : )


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

OMG! I needed to laugh! 

When I was in high school I was the new girl in town halfway through my freshman year. The boys literally followed me everywhere. I walked across the courtyard one day with my entourage and I fell going up the stairs...flat on my face, wearing a skirt (thank goodness it wasn't short!), all sprawled out...They helped me up and all but OMG!
All of the boys started calling me Grace! After that I joined the drill team, and I'd be dancing away performing in front of the whole school and someone would yell "GRACE!!" yeah...never lived that down through my four years of high school. My drill team awards even have "Grace" on them! I DID learn to dance though without falling on my face. Still haven't mastered the stairs yet!!


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

Something I keep finding myself doing as of late...I'll text someone and then put my phone to my ear and wonder why it's not ringing...


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## Irish Pixie (May 14, 2002)

rhaige9 said:


> I made it all the way to work one morning before I realized I'd forgotten to put on a bra. I'm really well endowed, there was no way I was going to slouch and hide the girls.


I not only made it to work but it took a coworker to notice that I had on two different black shoes. They were pumps with the same heel height or I would have listed to one side, I think I would have noticed that. :happy2:


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

empofuniv said:


> I made it to work one morning through a So Calif commute and as I started to get out of the car realized I had my bedroom slippers on. And I worked in a steel toe safety shoe area. Had to call my boss and tell him I was in the parking lot, but had to go back home and get some real shoes on. One of my co-workers was walking by so I had him come tell the boss I really was in the parking lot and yes...I did have on orange bedroom slippers! Never did really live that down.


I have just invented steel toed bedroom slippers. Thanks for the inspiration.

"Keeping America On Time for Work One Pair At A Time."


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## unregistered358967 (Jul 17, 2013)

As a sleep-deprived new mom, I once drove through a McD drive through with my shirt open and nursing bra down. To this day I'm not sure if the poor teen boy was happy or traumatized. :teehee:


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

"would you like to supersize that ma'am?"


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## txplowgirl (Oct 15, 2007)

Oh lordy, I can sympathize with the hot wire.

Back when I was a young kid my dad raised hogs and all he used was hot wire at about 10 inches high. Just 1 wire. I swear that wire was out to get me because no matter how I stretched my legs over that wire it would reach out and bite me. I swear! At least it sure seemed that way. 

Has anyone started into a bedroom, kitchen, or living room and forget what you're after and turn around, take 3 steps and forget again and turn totally around in the opposite direction and do it again. Uh huh, I've done that a few times and both my husband and son both laugh at me. I get so frustrated i'll just set down until it comes to me what it was I was originally after. 

I finally went to the dr because I thought I had alzheimers. Nope according to my doc it's Lupus fog. GGGrrrrr.


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## MichaelZ (May 21, 2013)

Going bow hunting, only to arrive at my stand that I carefully set up in advance with bow but no arrows.


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## mzgarden (Mar 16, 2012)

oh my, this is a wonderful thread on so many levels. Here's a couple more:
I went to pick up my son at a school event and found I had only two left shoes. Put them both on and went in and my son was horrified to be seen in public with me, lol. 

First winter with a wood stove. Emptied the ashes into a dirt patch behind the shed. Dirt patch had dried leaves piled up. You guessed it, we went behind the pole barn to work in the garden and smelled smoke. Come around the polebarn and voila, the yard is on fire with the flames headed for the storage shed. We can move pretty good when we need to. No harm done, but lessons learned and a fair amount of laughing at ourselves.

This one is on my DS -- he was new to the Marine Corps and just out of boot camp. He stopped his car at the entrance to the base/camp, and here drives up some high ranking officer. He jumps out of his car to salute, locks his keys in. Car is now blocking the roadway. Without even slowing down, he reaches down, picks up a big rock, breaks his driver's side window, jumps in on the glass on the seat and drives out of the way.


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## unregistered358967 (Jul 17, 2013)

Oh my gosh..this makes for a nice work break. You have me in stitches.


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

MichaelZ said:


> Going bow hunting, only to arrive at my stand that I carefully set up in advance with bow but no arrows.


Where do I send my dues?


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## Goat Servant (Oct 26, 2007)

At about 8 months along, DH & I out for a long drive in the country when I had to pee.
We pulled into a podunk gas station.
"Where's the restroom?"
"Out back"
I was getting desperate & there was no out house anywhere. 
So I squatted. About half way through the stream a hog started grunting pretty close behind me.

While working as a janitor in an office building the boss handed me some papers for shredding.
I stuffed them in in my back pocket & continued my normal duties before getting to the shredder.
It happened to be payday but was reminded when the shredder screeched to a halt. Had the check not been stapled to a stub I would have never had evidence of needing a new one.


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## Oggie (May 29, 2003)

This is not the time to laugh.

Christmas is being destroyed.

http://www.dnainfo.com/new-york/20131208/red-hook/cat-nativity-annual-delight-for-neighbors-red-hook


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

empofuniv said:


> I made it to work one morning through a So Calif commute and as I started to get out of the car realized I had my bedroom slippers on. And I worked in a steel toe safety shoe area. Had to call my boss and tell him I was in the parking lot, but had to go back home and get some real shoes on. One of my co-workers was walking by so I had him come tell the boss I really was in the parking lot and yes...I did have on orange bedroom slippers! Never did really live that down.


When I was in college I did this. All day people kept asking me how I hurt my foot. Finally asked a friend why he thought my foot was hurt and he said it was because I had on house shoes. I looked down and sure enough, I was wearing my house shoes!


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

This one is doubly silly because there were two of us involved (and we both laughed at ourselves all the way home).

Hubby arrived at the DFW airport to pick me up from a trip to Alabama. He got out and loaded my luggage into the back seat, closed the door and I walked around to the passenger side to get in.

Couldn't get in. Neither could he. Key was in the ignition. So, I call my daughter and ask her to go home, get the spare key and bring it to the airport. 

While we're waiting on her airport security comes by. We explain our dilemma and they go on. FINALLY, daughter arrives. We are SO happy to see her! She parks, walks up, looks in the car at the key, opens the back door, reaches in and unlocks the front door.

Ummm...yeah. :ashamed:


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

So I show up for my shift, and we tapped a new beer.
Malice pi (as in 3.14)

So the day bartender tells me that it's called Malice Pi, like 3.14
I said is that the alcohol content.
He said, no, like the number, 3.14
I said, is 3.14 the alcohol content.
The guest at the bar puts his head down, because he's trying to not let me see him laughing at me.....
He says NO LIKE THE MATH 3.14, pi, the sign, math, come on Laura......

I said.........well duh.
And proceeded to crack up laughing at myself, then told him "And this is why I had to drop my remedial algebra class".
And laughed harder at myself, to the point the guy sitting at the bar, is now crying he's laughing so hard.

The day bartender told me I needed to go blonde instead of red next time I saw the hair dresser!! 

Well duh Laura......pi, 3.14 "is that the alcohol content'.
Just duh!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHA


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

Hotwire is always good for a stupid story because its lesson is memorable.
But my most recent dumdum was getting a pizza to take home, opening the truck door with my keys, using both hands to carefully set the pizza carton on the passenger seat. I realized I did not have my keys so I shut the dooor and went back into thepizza store to ask if they found my keys. No they hadn't.

That is when I realized I muust have had them to open the door in the first place. Then I realized I had set them on the seat thenset the pizza on top of them. And had locked the door when I went back to check inthe store.

I had abouy an hour to think about the stuoidity til the tow fruck came to open the door for mr.


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

The second stupity is trying to learn to type on a tablet and suddenly finding there is no edit function on this site with this device


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## kidsnchix (Oct 2, 2003)

Since our electric was out because of the recent ice storm, I can't even count how many times I'd walk into a room and flip the light switch on. Makes you feel so dumb.......


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## mamma24 (Aug 29, 2012)

I don't think I have laughed this hard in weeks!! 

When walking thru Walmart a while back, I was chatting on to my teenaged daughter about this and that, being a teenager she often doesn't reply back, but I probably went on for several minutes before noticing that she had ditched me several aisles back, leaving me talking to myself that entire time!

Years ago, When I was about 13, my mom and I went on a group nature hike around the lake where we were camping. We were walking side by side and I was looking over at her while walking and THUD I ran right into the trunk of a tall pine tree. It literally knocked me off my feet! Everyone around me snickered and my mom and I had a good laugh about it too!! I feel bad for folks who can't laugh at themselves!!


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

My daughter and I were in Costco a couple of years ago. She loves to sing, always is, and has won a few contests...So anyway, on this particular day I went off looking for something while she was looking in housewares. I went back to find her and I came up to this crowd of people blocking an aisle and they were all quiet as can be. I stepped up on my toes to see what they were looking at, but I could hear her...She had her back turned to the crowd and she was looking intently at something, and singing Sugarlands "All I want to do.." perfectly on key and putting sass into it as well. I called her name and she turned around and everyone started clapping. She was 10 shades of red! IT was hilarious!!! I remind her of that all the time. I wish I had it on tape!


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## Bat Farm (Apr 21, 2010)

kidsnchix said:


> Since our electric was out because of the recent ice storm, I can't even count how many times I'd walk into a room and flip the light switch on. Makes you feel so dumb.......


I know how you feel  We built our house over a couple of years while living in a trailer on the land. After using extension cords and kleg lights for so long, after the power was hooked up to the house it took a good week before we got in the habit of being able to just flip a switch.

DH's uncle was being smart once and tested a live wire by touching it with the back of his hand - so if it was live he wouldn't end up grabbing the wire from a muscle spasm... Except what happened was he punched himself in the face when the wire turned out to be live and his arm muscle spasmed.


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## mamastars (Feb 28, 2006)

Just last week we were going to have left over spaghetti for dinner, needed to make more pasta. Made the pasta got everything else out and ready to eat. Called DH dinners ready. He puts pasta on his plate goes to get the spaghetti sauce and ask where is it? I turn around look and say it in the frig. dinner will really be ready in a few more minutes! Oh well at least we still had some.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I can see the humor of a situation but sometimes I can't f-e-e-l the humor of a situation; especially when it involves incidents on a big commercial jet which also has me as its' passenger. Like the time they hooked to the jet I was on and were pulling it backwards out onto the runway to prepare for take off. Excuse me? If you can't drive this thing out there then how in the world are you going to take off? I was a grown woman and I was crying. 

And then there was the flight where the jet's cabin hadn't been pressurized and I was crying big tears from the pain in my head, chewing and blowing bubble gum like a clown blowing balloon animals, and the guy in the seat next to me laughing about it, telling his young son seated next to him to look at the crazy woman crying from fear of flying. I really wanted to set him straight but was actually thankful for even that distraction.

Or the flight that had the pilot attempting a new world record for using a commercial jet like a rocket on take off from DC airport. The pilot came over the intercom, laughing, and told us that he had set a new best record to avoid the downtown bridge. Yea, I was crying. 

I am so finished with being airborne.


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## kidsnchix (Oct 2, 2003)

Last year we had our family Christmas party at my daughter's house. We get in line for the food, fill our plates, then....I went to sprinkle a little salt and pepper on...a little salt then pepper, only out came a toothpick....I picked up the wrong shaker. Everyone is still laughing and offering me a toothpick. We laughed a lot that night.


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## unregistered358967 (Jul 17, 2013)

SS I feel your pain. My flight anxiety started on a bumpy flight. A man next to me thought it would be funny to say things like "ohmygosh..is that the bolts coming loose from the wing? I hear a strange sound in the front, maybe the windshield is going to come off. I think we just hit a bird!" He was playing off my anxiety and I felt like my heart was going to explode, I was so frantic, almost in tears with my head in my hands. I will do anything to avoid flying. I hate it. I belong on the ground.


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

TRAILRIDER said:


> I found my camera in there once!


How did that develope? "No film at 11."


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## GoldenWood Farm (May 31, 2003)

I have many stories I could tell...but so far my favorite is my most recent. I was on my cell with my friend just chatting when suddenly I said "Shoot!" and when my friend asked what the "shoot" was for I replied "I can't find my dang cell phone, I think I left it out in the barn" :smack.

There are many more I could tell and when I have gathered my thoughts from running away this morning I will tell them .

Justine


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## sisterpine (May 9, 2004)

I almost always wear croc clogs cause i cannot "walk out of them" and leave them behind. A few winters ago I stuffed some crocs into my back pack rode my snowmobile down to my car, drove to work only to find out I had two different colors of crocs. I thought "no problem" I keep emergency clothes in the trunk....in the trunk were an additional two different colors of crocs. Unfortunately I have to give the opening lecture for a new group of clients that night wearing two different colored crocs...not just a little different either..purple and apple green LOl. I told the clients I did it on purpose to make them feel more at home since no one really has it "all together, all the time" anyway...not even the professionals.


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## galfriend (Nov 19, 2004)

Cataracts, so here I go yet again....
Yesterday, I'm riding in the truck with DH as he pulls up in a friends yard and parks next to friends truck. There is a group of the guys over there and they're standing around near the rear of friends truck. 

I just assumed the guys were all probably talking about the critter laid out across the tool box in friends truck. Our friend had lost about 50 of his quail to some critter the night before. So, he was definitely on the hunt for what ever it was. 

Sitting in our truck and looking out the window I really study that critter all stretched out across the top of his tool box parked beside us. But, after a while I gave up. I couldn't figure out what it was. So, I hollered out the window to our friend, "who killed it and what is it"? Complete silence, and all the men folk were then looking at me. I bet I know what they're thinking, silly gals just cant tell the fur from one critter to the next huh? There were a couple of guys there I'd not seen before. Ok, I think, maybe they already forgot about this critter killed huh? 

I motioned towards "critter" on the tool box and asked again. 

Our dear friend _finally_ came forth, cause seems I really had the men folk shut- up and shut down at this point! Friend starts doing his arms and hands as if he is signing it to me and says, "it's what we earthlings call a "jacket" and it belongs to him (pointing to another fella) its been dead for awhile now". 
OMGosh I burst into tears laughing at myself then! Our friend explained to those standing there that didn't know me, I have cataracts and different views in life. 
We were all laughing so hard about that critter! The fella that owned that dead jacket critter came and introduced himself and shook my hand. I told him maybe he needs to wear that wild thing or keep it inside the truck one! 
Btw, it was a cameo jacket


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## unregistered358967 (Jul 17, 2013)

I might have posted about this a while ago but it's a slow day at work.

I am recently divorced, and moved back to my home state to be closer to my parents for the kids' sake and start a new life. My partner in crime left his state and joined me soon after. 

Before he moved to be with me, I started attending a new church alone. There was always this particular attractive man who made it a point to come say hello. I really thought nothing of it but was a wee bit secretly flattered. That autumn I went to a church picnic. While I was there the same man came over, sat down next to me and started chatting with me. He looked pointedly at my finger and asked point blank if I was single. I blushed a bit and mentioned I was, but I was in a relationship, but thank you anyway. He looked puzzled and went on to add that he had noticed I was always alone at church with my kids and that he was in charge of a divorcecare group - would I like to join? 

He later on introduced me to his wife and 12 kids. :smack To this day I can barely look him in the eye!


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## Ozarks Tom (May 27, 2011)

If someone followed me around for a week with a notepad, they could write a book about stupid things.

Years ago I was at a dinner where they served prime rib w/baked potato. I love sour cream, so I promptly covered my potato with horse radish. To this day I hate that stuff.


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## unregistered358967 (Jul 17, 2013)

Let's just say that I never realized how loud the sound of a fluro tube is when it breaks on a cement floor, and how many pieces said tube breaks into. 

I'm an idiot.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Anyone notice how a tube of cortisone cream and toothpaste looks similar? Just saying.....


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## Goat Servant (Oct 26, 2007)

Little Stevie wet the bed off & on until he was around 10.
One summer when he was about 13 he & Dad were camping in Grandma's garage which had a nice shop with a couch & a cot.
While they slept I sneaked in there with a cup of warm water, carefully unzipped the sleeping bag, poured it on & scurried out.

Stevie started making noises like he was in a bad dream.
"What's wrong?" Dad asked.
"My bed is wet!"
"Oh Steve!" 
A surprisingly long string of words he never used was punctuated by,
"You're too old to be still peeing the bed!"
The lights went on & I was outside rolling on the ground, laughing uncontrollably with a pillow stuffed in my face.
"But I didn't DO it!"
That made it even better.
Of course Dad didn't believe him.

I waited till he was full grown before I confessed.rincess:


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## Rick (May 10, 2002)

Shygal said:


> I have actually stepped on a rake and had it come whipping up and smack me in the face like the Three Stooges.
> Ive had a flowerpot fall on my head and break, again like the Three stooges.
> 
> 
> ...



Is there one more member in your troupe? If so you could make videos - I recommend Silent Black and White with a laugh track and captions- and make a fortune!


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## brendafawn (Oct 15, 2013)

Well, my grandson taught me one, it seems like every time we choose to eat out they messed up my order. Just mine,everyone. elses Always seem fine. Well we had gone out to eat and my grandson was with us, so of course my sandwich was not right and i told my husband that i had had it. I was sending it back and i proceeded to flag down the waitress and my grandson looks at me and very guietly says, meemaw YOU GET WHAT YOU GET AND YOU DONT THROW A FIT , stunned i just looked at him and then everyone just bursted into laughter. We had taught him this. Needless to say i felt silly and yes i ate my sandwich. Out of the mouth of babes.


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## Vosey (Dec 8, 2012)

This thread is great, even on the 2nd or 3rd read! 

Another dumb shoe story - a few years ago I went to the store, did a big grocery shop, load up the car and as I am getting in the car I something feels weird, I look down and I have one brown shoe and one orange slipper on! Orange! They did have a similar feel on my foot, but really....

Oh, and let's not even talk about self car washes. Those hoses attached to rails and different stuff coming out of them? After knocking myself in the head at least twice and spraying weird stuff all over the place I will never go near one again.....


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## 354508 (Feb 5, 2013)

simi-steading said:


> Yes, I've looked for my keys in the fridge.. .yep.. I've found them there..


I couldn't find the milk one day, I remembered putting it away after getting a bowl of cereal. I found it in the cupboard.... and the cereal in the fridge.


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## CurtisWilliams (Mar 14, 2005)

Many years ago, my bosses office manager called me up and asked me what the unit cost for an item was. I told her that I would call her right back. I got the order catalog, looked up the case cost and grabbed my calculator. As I plugged in the numbers, the calculator started beeping. I shut it off and tried again. Beep, Boop and other sounds ensued. Each button I pushed gave a different tone. I shut it off again and started pushing buttons randomly . I couldn't figure out why my calculator would make such mysterious noises. It never did this before. 

I stared perplexed at the phone that I was holding until I realized that I was trying to do division on my phone.

I wonder who would have answered if I kept doing my math problem.


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## MichaelZ (May 21, 2013)

And I once went to work wearing two similar, but different shoes! 

I got dressed in the dark and did not want to turn on the lights. But I did not notice until many hours later!


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## Wolfy-hound (May 5, 2013)

Last winter I went rushing into the local grocery store, trying to find my list in my purse and almost ran into some people lined up at the front counter. I'm trying to avoid running into any of them, and I lose my balance and end up turning a 360, flailing both arms in the air, slip on the tile and go WHAM into the floor, sprawled all over. I'm fairly certain that I resembled a spider monkey having a seizure.

I jumped up to my feet, put both hands up in the air and completely deadpan yell "TAAA DAAAAAAAAA!" and then turned on my heel and walked right back out. 

Then I had to go right back in, when I realized I really did have to get those items from the store. I can honestly say I wasn't embarrassed in the least until I had to walk back in.


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## galfriend (Nov 19, 2004)

> mamma24
> When walking thru Walmart a while back, I was chatting on to my teenaged daughter about this and that, being a teenager she often doesn't reply back, but I probably went on for several minutes before noticing that she had ditched me several aisles back, leaving me talking to myself that entire time!


Oh, mamma24 how I can relate to that! I am about to quit shopping with my DD now days for that same reason! Even worse is when you walk up to one of those poster people they have staged around in the stores and start to converse with it. 

I do try my best to memorize the colors of the clothing of whom I went inside the store with. Hoping then when I do become lost I'll get lucky and find them again. My Mom (having cataracts then herself) once told me how she chewed a gal out in the produce row. For standing beside her and not helping her get her bananas in one of those hard to open plastic bags. DM had thought she was talking to me (yes I had wondered off).

The parking lot IS another scary place! Seriously, do you have any idea just how many vehicles really do look the same? Worse yet, when 2 of the same colored vehicles park side by side. Folks, please lock your car doors to help keep us innocent folks out...just saying :whistlin:


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## Goat Servant (Oct 26, 2007)

Oh no Galfriend, it's more fun to realize you are in the wrong vehicle!


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

I hope I've learned some life lessons but this one sticks with me as the most embarrassing. I arrived at the hotel and checked into my room then quickly got myself downstairs to attend the introductory meeting for conference presenters. 

After the meeting others and myself decided to eat at the restaurant in the hotel rather than go out for supper/dinner. There were about a dozen of us sitting at one long table, both men and women. We all enjoyed a meal with a progression of salad, soup, main entree, and dessert. After each course the waiters served us a dessert glass with orange sherbert and what I thought was a thin maple syrup. It was cold, very tasty, and I could have licked the glass clean if I hadn't been eating with strangers. 

The entire meal was getting better tasting with each new course, and that sherbert was the best ever. By the time the dessert arrived I was feeling no pain, giggling at every not funny comment, and in my distant mind wondering why I was feeling so loopy.

When the waiters fired the bananas flambe I screamed, laughed out loud, made a complete fool out of myself with carrying on about how I never knew you could do that to bananas. And then, then, it was time to get up out of that chair and walk. I did that under great duress and still managed to crash into chairs, tables, glassware, having no wall to grab to aid my balance. It took 2 men and 2 women to help me up to my room. 

The next day I had to do conference presentations, sit on a discussion panel, and nurse the biggest hangover I've ever had. I didn't find out until the next day that the thin maple syrup was actually champagne and combined with the sherbert it was the palate cleanser between each meal course. I've never been able to drink hard liquor as it only takes a thimble full to put me down. I felt like a hick from the sticks for not knowing anything about French cuisine. It was a live and learn experience.


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## VA Susan (Mar 2, 2010)

Years ago when my boys were 11 and 13 we were all learning how to use a computer so we would go to the library when we went to town and use their computers and printer. We homeschooled our boys. My teenager was at home doing his schoolwork and my younger son came to the library with me. I found a good article called Subversive Virginity on the Boundless.org site about abstinence. I didn&#8217;t read it all but it was well written so I decided to print it out for my boys to read later. I clicked print, but nothing happened, so I clicked it again, and again, still nothing. All the computers there shared one printer. I asked a lady working at the library for help and she also clicked on print more than once but it didn&#8217;t work for her either. Finally, it started printing. The article ended up being 18 pages long! It finished the 18 pages and started to print them all over again. I didn't know how to stop it. I called back the lady who helped me before, but she did not know how to turn it off. It was tying up the printer so no one else at the library could use it. Finally another lady from the library was brought over who knew how to stop it.My son was so embarrassed with all the attention we got and told me that it was time to leave, that I'd done enough damage for one day!


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## pheasantplucker (Feb 20, 2007)

I have spent ten minutes looking for my glasses, and they were on top of my head, the whole time. I was tending my bees, and stuck my finger in some honey and went to get a taste, and ended up putting my finger on the mesh on my veil. And my funniest...many years ago when I was married to my first wife, I brought my little kids home while my ex went on to bowl in her league. It was winter...cold and snowy. I brought the kids in the house and put them to bed (after struggling with opening the front door). The kids were in their beds, and I remembered that I had to get something out of the car (parked in front of the house)...I went out to retrieve the item without taking my keys, and pulled the door behind me. Now great, I'm locked out of the house and my two kids are upstairs...so I shimmied up the downspout and got on the roof of the porch...had a window that never really closed or locked, and was able to gain entrance that way. This is not the end of the story...so...after about twenty minutes of puttsing around, I notice there is a pile of dishes that need doing, so I plug the drain, squirt some soap in the sink, and turn on the water...As the sink was filling up, I recalled that I hadn't checked the mailbox yet, so I go out to the front porch to get it, and stupidly pulled the front door behind me yet again. No keys, door automatically locked, now the kitchen sink is filling up with water...I rescaled the downspout, entered through the same window and had minimal water to clean up off the kitchen floor. Finally...then I heard a noise coming from the bedroom we never used...I opened that bedroom door, and this big black crow bolted for me...now I have a crow flying around my house. I finally opened another window and was eventually able to **** it outside.


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## Caitedid (Jun 2, 2004)

Last summer we went to the Amish store near us, turned to DH and told him I was pretty sure they were closed because the lights weren't on.

At our wedding rehearsal turned to DH to ask who the guys in the back row were. Turns out our ushers look pretty different without ball caps and work clothes.


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## unregistered358967 (Jul 17, 2013)

I'm so happy everyone is enjoying this thread..me too. I'm laughing WITH you, not AT you.


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## Grandmotherbear (May 15, 2002)

Irish Pixie said:


> I not only made it to work but it took a coworker to notice that I had on two different black shoes. They were pumps with the same heel height or I would have listed to one side, I think I would have noticed that. :happy2:


I did that with a black and a navy shoe! And several times have worn shirts inside out, and GFB didn't say anything because he thought I MEANT to do that!


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## galfriend (Nov 19, 2004)

GMB, my DH and my family will take me out in public the same way! 

Went to the store with that DD of mine and was having to bend over on every isle that day. Everything I needed were on those lower shelves. 

Well, get back to her house, help her unload her groceries and GD comes up and calmly says to me, "Maw Maw you really shouldn't be wearing _those_ shorts out shopping any more". Me, why sweety? GD, "they have a BIG hole in the back". 
I go to check and OMGosh Nooo! The entire, THE ENTIRE rear end of my shorts had came unsewed! I might as well went out that day in nothing but my under wear:runforhills:
But, at least I did have my shirt on right side out that day 

Loving reading all these. Maybe we should all get together and go out some time


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## Joshie (Dec 8, 2008)

shanzone2001 said:


> I fall UP the stairs at least once a day.


My family laughs at me because I never fall down the stairs but I regularly fall up them.

DH gives me grief because I can't seem to eat without ruining my shirt. One day DH knocked on my parents' door to find food dribbles on my mom's shirt. Since then, I've been able to point out that I have no control because the problem is genetic.


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## Vosey (Dec 8, 2012)

Joshie said:


> My family laughs at me because I never fall down the stairs but I regularly fall up them.
> 
> DH gives me grief because I can't seem to eat without ruining my shirt. One day DH knocked on my parents' door to find food dribbles on my mom's shirt. Since then, I've been able to point out that I have no control because the problem is genetic.


Oh no the dreaded food dribbles! I try to blame it on being well endowed, but honestly, it only started a few years ago and my grandmother always had a days worth of food dribbles on her. I try to just make it a nice way of remembering her when it happens. But really, why can't I get my food in my mouth anymore?


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## Goat Servant (Oct 26, 2007)

It was my birthday & Bob said he had reservations in Seattle.
The last place I wanted to go & I had to dress up.
On the way he said he had to stop by some friends to return a book. 
Make that another place I didn't want to go, not on my birthday.
These people talk forever we'd never get out of there.

There was only a bare light bulb on somewhere in the depths of darkness and I was so mad it didn't register.
"Cheap Russians," I grumbled to Bob as we parked. "Wont even use electricity."
After the big surprise by lots of friends Peter asked, So what did you think when you got here? That we are cheap Russians?"


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## Breezy833 (Jun 17, 2013)

This thread reminds me of this video




[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJdC7f1niuo[/ame] :rock:


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

Yesterday morning I came out of the bathroom and sheepishly apologized to DBF over the fact there wasn't going to be any toothpaste for him -- I'd dropped it in the toilet. 

He laughed and said, "Don't worry about it -- I did the same thing yesterday." I thought that was pretty funny for about 10 seconds, and then began to wonder ... did he really? Surely he's just joking, right? I didn't just brush my teeth with toothpaste that had fallen in the ...

OMG, OMG, OMG ..."You're kidding, right? Please tell me you're only kidding!!!!!" :hair


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## Evons hubby (Oct 3, 2005)

I think most folks make a lot of goofy little mistakes.. I prefer to call those moments "learning experiences". I know I sure have learned a LOT over the years! For example.... 

I now know why a feller should never tie the line around his waist when roping a calf that weighs about half again as much as he does. 

I also know why one should never wrestle with an older brother in the yard where he had his 4h calf tied earlier that day.... and to be more precise why you never open your mouth really wide hollering for help! 

I now no why its never a good idea to ask a cowboy if his mama knows where he is.... no matter how small he is or how goofy he looks climbing up on that bar stool. 

Oh... and never ever never.... not even once is it wise to push start an old tractor down a steep hill strewn with logs and stumps if said tractor has no brakes and a habit of jumping out of gear... this is especially true if the entire power line crew is sitting at the bottom of the hill having lunch watching the show! 

I also now know why a feller shouldnt fill a wheelbarrow full of concrete blocks and take off running down a hill with it unless he has checked for holes that will lock up the wheel... He can find himself face down on top of the wheel barrow with the handles across both arms and have to have a neighbor come and get him out of this predicament. If you must do this twice.... try not to be working with the same guy who got you out the first time! He will be useless regarding a second rescue.... too busy rolling on the ground holding his own sides laughing!


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## 354508 (Feb 5, 2013)

Grandmotherbear said:


> I did that with a black and a navy shoe! And several times have worn shirts inside out, and GFB didn't say anything because he thought I MEANT to do that!


More than once I've gotten to work and realized on my first trip to the bathroom that I put my undies on inside out. I've quit dressing in the dark for that reason


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## Ravenlost (Jul 20, 2004)

roadless said:


> Anyone notice how a tube of cortisone cream and toothpaste looks similar? Just saying.....


About as similar as a tube of Desitin diaper ointment, I would imagine!


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

My mom and her twin sister both lost their vision when they got older so I was used to taking the arm of one or the other to steer them around obstacles in the way.
When we visited a touristy old town with poorly repaired sidewalks, I figured out right away that one had to be on one arm while the other took the other arm.
As we appoached a Grand Canyon sized pot hole, I carefully steered each one around each side of the hole. And promply walked into it myself. I was so focused on seeing they missed the hole, I left out the thought that I probably shouldn't fall into it myself.


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## am1too (Dec 30, 2009)

Plendlful said:


> More than once I've gotten to work and realized on my first trip to the bathroom that I put my undies on inside out. I've quit dressing in the dark for that reason


Even worse is realizing you put the darn things on backwards.


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## Grandmotherbear (May 15, 2002)

We raised Yuki from a mouse sized baby only 48 hrs old and he didn't realize he was a cat. He was always sampling the parents drinks. When Yuki was about 9 months old we acquired Angel rather than let our niece turn her back to the shelter. Angel had been raised with 3 dogs...We thought sshe would teach Yuki about being a cat and he was FASCINATED with her. One time I pulled myself a BIG glass ice tea and came back to find Yuki drinking from it. I figured the thing to do was drink it down far enough he couldn't reach it anymore- so I chugged a big chug. At that time GFB came in and said- I just found Angel teaching Yuki how to drink from the toilet...EWW!


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## 354508 (Feb 5, 2013)

I used to share a duplex with two of my cousins, who were also sisters. I lived downstairs with my older cousin, and her younger sister lived upstairs with her son. The front door either went upstairs to the top floor's front door, or to a door that allowed access to my apartment thru my bedroom. 

One snowy night after showering, I was talking to my roommate cousin while in my towel in the living room. I heard a knock on my bedroom door that was accessible from the front door and my cousin's apartment. I assumed it was my cousin wanting to come in, so I hollered, "hold on, I'm not wearing pants" threw on some clothes, and opened the door to find two very amused police officers. They came to ask me to move my car for snow removal. My cousin found my mortification quite amusing.


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## Chief Cook (Apr 24, 2011)

When DH started taking me turkey hunting I guess I was more than a little excited for opening day. We got up and got ready and when DH looked at me funny and asked if I was ready, I sure said yes! He wanted a picture before we left. And yes, we now have a photo of me in full camo, including insulated coveralls and 12 ga. shotgun, and my big ol black purse!


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## Goat Servant (Oct 26, 2007)

am1too said:


> Even worse is realizing you put the darn things on backwards.


Or sideways.


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## Evons hubby (Oct 3, 2005)

Then there was last summers great motorcycle ride. Several of us loaded up five bikes and rode the back roads all day. Since I knew roads I was selected to lead position. Doing my best to lnsure no one got lost or broke down I kept close watch in my mirrors. It wasn't until late in the day I figured out why I could only count four headlights yet when we stopped end for breaks all five bikes were present and accounted for. Now that was goofy enough but to make it totally foolish I revealed my stupidity to the rest of the group!


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## unregistered358967 (Jul 17, 2013)

I was making lasagna in the crock pot and just dumped in tomato sauce. I didn't realize my partner had put on the lid. 

Oops.


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## am1too (Dec 30, 2009)

Goat Servant said:


> Or sideways.


Could you describe this feat?


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## big rockpile (Feb 24, 2003)

Was going to tell but too embarrassed.

big rockpile


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## unregistered358967 (Jul 17, 2013)

I was pounding something into an Ikea bookshelf and hit my finger, not realizing my dad was standing at the top of the stairs watching me. 

I don't think he realized his 'little girl' has the mouth of a sailor when the situation calls for it. :smack


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

I cooked a whole chicken yesterday afternoon. When it was done, I thought it would cool faster if I transferred it to a large mixing bowl. I put the bowl over the top of the open pressure cooker and before I could reason with my self, I flipped the two over and was mostly successful.

I learned today that I am not supposed to mention the words, chains of words, letter substitutions and personal name calling of myself here. I am speechless.

The kitchen now smells like fragrant degreaser.


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## Grandmotherbear (May 15, 2002)

Old post but perhaps still appropriate
www.homesteadingtoday.com/general-homesteading-forums/countryside-families/165219-female-only-post-senior-moment.html :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:


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## Jokarva (Jan 17, 2010)

I used to go in at 6am to work 12 hr shifts every Sat....on almost no sleep since I am NOT a morning person. One morning I was leaning back against the clothes dryer french braiding my wet hair....when I stepped away from the dryer something yanked my head back and the light in the laundry room went out - I was sure I was being murdered! 

Turns out I had braided the string from the overhead light into my hair, and once I figured that out I was so sleep muddled it took me a while to sort out how to fix the situation. I've also gone in with two different shoes on, scrubs on backward and inside out, coffee cup on roof of car...

It's the best thing about retirement - no more 6am shifts!


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## Suzyq2u (May 17, 2010)

I just came back into the house to a ruckus... 
The big dogs let a chicken in the house then chased it all around.
It was that hen's lucky day  LOL


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

Jolarva= that braid story has made it onto my favorite all time stories. I so identify- only mine was a spider plant.........


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## MO_cows (Aug 14, 2010)

I forgot the door locks were messed up on our Explorer. In my defense, I hardly ever drive it. But one day, I did drive it to load up that convenient back hatch with groceries and supplies. At the last stop, I decided I had so much dollar value already in the back of the vehicle, I had better lock it up. So I clicked the power door locks, go in and do my shopping, come out, open the back hatch (hmmm....that should have been locked but it didn't dawn on me yet), load in my groceries. The back cargo area is now full up to the top of the back seat. I go to the driver door and attempt to unlock it. (With a key, no "remote" for this old beast). It turns back and forth but doesn't unlock. Go to the passenger side; that lock is frozen and won't even turn. The back doors have no exterior locks. Option 1) Call hubby and wait for him to get there while the groceries melt. He's not a locksmith so no guarantee he can open it anyway. 2) Crawl thru the vehicle from the back hatch to the front seat, unlock the door from inside. 3) Break a window and hear about it for the rest of my life, plus bear the cost to replace glass. Well, I took option 2. It wasn't pretty. Had to straddle the stuff that was already loaded in the cargo hatch while bent over/squatted, contorting my body into some weird painful positions, I banged my head on the dome light.........but I got to the front and opened the door. I won't forget that again!


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## Jan in CO (May 10, 2002)

Ok, you all have been following me! Different shoes when going to the hospital lab for pregnancy test, then worrying about how I was going to get OUT without anyone seeing I had one black and one blue shoe on. Lab tech just laughed and said just go, no one will notice. Locked myself out of the house in my robe and NOTHING on under, had to wake kids up to open the door. 
Done the calling on the TV remote without success and trying to unlock the door with my car remote.

Have gotten into a same colored car USING MY KEYS then discovered the interior was a different color. How to make a hasty retreat so the owner wouldn't see me and think I was breaking into the car. Dealer informed me there were only so many keys and it was possible to have a duplicate.

Years ago, I was working a temporary job selling seeds and plants in a nursery. Had my back turned when a customer who sounded just like my ex came up and asked for collard green seeds. I replied (I'm embarrassed to admit doing this, forgive me, I was only 19)--I replied in my best Southern accent 'Yass'suh, We sho do'. Turned around to see it wasn't my ex but was a black gentleman. I was so embarrassed and couldn't apologize enough, as I wasn't taught to be a bigot.

Another time, I was managing a military thrift shop when the base commander's wife asked me how I liked a pair of drapes that had huge, dinner plate sized flowers on them. I replied (also without thinking first) that they were the ugliest things I'd ever seen. She huffed and puffed and informed me it was the same fabric her living room chairs were covered with. I managed to say I would think they would be lovely in that fabric, knowing her decorating sense, blah blah blah. It didn't go unnoticed that I still thought they were ugly.


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## flowergurl (Feb 27, 2007)

If you mistake corn syrup for oil, it makes quite the mess in the deep fryer....


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## AriesMaverick (Jul 8, 2012)

Yesterday I was to play some special Christmas music for the ladies lunch after church. Of course I couldn't find _anything_ to wear  so I settled on an old favorite turquoise green silk shirt that I'd had for years and stitched up on occasion.
Everything was fine up until the end of the service. I was going around talking with people, when the elderly gentleman usher taps me on the shoulder and concernedly whispers "Your shirt is torn in the back!" Yup, sure enough, my entire right shoulder blade area was exposed in a nice gaping hole.:smack:
I threw my jacket on and as I pulled my arm through, I also ripped the sleeve of my shirt!
:sigh: Fortunately I was able to play my dulcimer fairly well despite the jacket being in the way. My beloved shirt is now in the rag pile.


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## Tabitha (Apr 10, 2006)

this has been close to 15 years ago. We live in the hinterboonies and we have a failry flat, low roof. I was up there by myself, getting it ready to paint it with Kool Seal, it was hot and I took my top off and was working in my bra. No neighbors, dogs don't care. Here comes the phone man or someone like that. I am on the roof, no way to quickly dash in the house. so I acted like it was the most natural and normal thing to stand on a roof in m bra and talk business with a total stranger, who also rose to the occasion and never acted like anything was amiss.


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## Caitedid (Jun 2, 2004)

On all the "getting in the wrong car" posts: I have gotten in the wrong truck before and only realized it when my keys wouldn't work. But...

Had to argue with a poor older lady about why her keys weren't working in my car door. Turns out that about 1 out of every 5 women in Iowa drives the same gold Chevy Malibu. She was absolutely insistent that I was the one who was wrong!


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## AriesMaverick (Jul 8, 2012)

One of my bigger arguments I used to persuade my husband to marry me :ahem: was that I was a great cook  . I spent a lot of time in my mom's kitchen and especially love creating desserts.
So we get married...and I learn I don't know so much as I thought. During the first couple months of our marriage I bumped into various kitchen tools:

DH "Why don't you use the garlic press on the garlic cloves?"
Me "What's a garlic press?"
DH :gives me a look and holds up the garlic press: 
Me "Oh! Is that what that's for? We only ever used that when we played with playdough"

I walk into the kitchen and gape at my mother-in-law (who also happens to be a professional wedding cake maker) using a pastry cutter. "So THAT's what that's for!? We only ever used that for playdough!"
Dear mil got me my very own pastry cutter that Christmas. ^_^

My sil came for a visit and took out an apple-corer-slicer and used it on an apple. Guess what my comment was? "We loved using that on playdough"

My husband bought a spatter screen and I asked him what it was for. He grinned and asked if I also used it for playdough. I told him "No, we used that to sift sand in our sandbox..."

:sigh: I really can cook! I just never learned the names and proper uses of some tools.  and in my defense, I have a lot of younger siblings that I babysat often.


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## unregistered358967 (Jul 17, 2013)

Tabitha said:


> so I acted like it was the most natural and normal thing to stand on a roof in m bra and talk business with a total stranger, who also rose to the occasion and never acted like anything was amiss.


Probably was a bright spot in his day. :thumb:


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## unregistered358967 (Jul 17, 2013)

I could not get something to print. Did some troubleshooting and found out the printer was offline. I spent about half an hour on various forums searching and tried everything getting more and more frustrated...

I just looked down and someone had unplugged the printer. :smack


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## TnMtngirl (Jun 30, 2002)

My son bought the dog a bag of veggie chips & set them on the kitchen table.I wasn't paying attention & heard the bag crinkle, & crunch crunch,,DH says shewww I bet the dog wont even eat these.


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## Breezy833 (Jun 17, 2013)

My cousin, and a friend of mine come from a breed of naive and gullible that is ASTOUNDING. Here are their stories. 


While visiting my cousin in Ohio she informs me that there is a restaurant in town that has a tunnel underneath it that "helped the slaves escape to the north"

I say " oh ok, its apart of the underground railroad."

She says " NO, its a TUNNEL." :smack

I say " your tellin me you think the underground railroad was a real railroad UNDERGROUND?" 

She stopped and thought about it for a second. It then became the joke of the entire visit. 
__________________________________________________________

A friend of mine was just whining on social media about not knowing her purpose in life. Someone replys to her that she has a purpose, and even a clock thats broken is right two times a day. 

Her reply to that fact:: "what time is that?" :smack

lord or lord you wait till my generation is in charge.. its gonna be hell


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## VA Susan (Mar 2, 2010)

We live off the beaten path up a long driveway. You can't see our house from the road. Most people don't even know anyone lives here. I was about 8 months pregnant and was out sunbathing in our yard in a two piece bathing suit and wouldn't you know it, a car with Jehovah's witnesses came driving up!


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## WoolyBear (Nov 9, 2011)

My sister came to visit me one day. As she was leaving she passed a planter with a fake dumbcane type plant in it. She stops, feels the leaves and says "what type of plant is this?" I never missed a beat and replied " it's a 'plasticus valorus'" DSis starts asking all kinds of questions about what it's needs are, does it flower. My son was next to me almost rolling on the ground laughing. Please understand that my sis was in her 50's at the time and had been taking all kinds of environmental classes. The bruise on my arm was so worth the look on her face when she realized what had just happened. To this day I still don't let her forget about the plasticus.


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## unregistered358967 (Jul 17, 2013)

Tabitha said:


> .... so I acted like it was the most natural and normal thing to stand on a roof in m bra and talk business with a total stranger, who also rose to the occasion ..


When I first read this I thought, hmmm...does that mean he stripped down to his bra as well? :shocked:


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## ronbre (Apr 26, 2009)

been there


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## Sumer (May 24, 2003)

This one isn't me but he is related and just too funny not to share.

My just turned 13 year old nephew wants to be a zoo keeper or work somehow with wild animals. So he became concerned when he heard about a new animal transmitted disease.
He asked his Mom what kind of disease can you catch from alligators and crocodiles?
She had no idea what kind of disease you can get from alligators and crocodiles.
He says then, just what is "a reptile dysfunction" ?
He turned 5 shades of red when she explained it.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Reading about Tabitha's roof adventure brought to mind my own roof adventure where I tried to play the Statue of Liberty. Back in the 1980s I had purchased one of those dollar box lots at an auction. In the bottom of the box was a nicely folded super large American flag. This was the size that hangs on tall flag poles outside government buildings. There were big grommet holes down the side for hanging it full width. 

My thought was that I could use the long tomato ties with the thin wire to connect through the grommet holes to a corresponding place on our TV tower. I tried it out at ground level and yep, that would work, so I stuff my pockets with the tomato ties and start climbing the TV tower. It was easy going up and the flag was attached easily enough, all at a height of about 40 feet. And just when I got the last tie in place a big wind came up. I was crying happy at how pretty and regal my flag looked, whipping and flapping in the wind, and really happy that the multiple ties were holding well with the addition of duct tape covering them. 

And then it came time to climb down. Whoa! I grabbed the pole and froze. The wind was still kicking. The pole was swaying back and forth with a big flag and a frozen person, me. I had my first ever authentic panic attack going and nothing was going to make me look down again. 

Time became irrelevant. At some point I noticed out toward the hill on the highway all these cars and trucks are stopped. It slowly dawns on me that they're looking at my flag, but no, I think maybe they are pointing at me. I don't know what was worse, having a panic attack or being the idiot stuck on a TV tower in front of all my neighbors. I still don't know how but I finally managed to climb down that tower screaming all the way. 

DH still swears that some of the neighbors call me Lightening.


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## Goat Servant (Oct 26, 2007)

Sumer said:


> This one isn't me but he is related and just too funny not to share.
> 
> My just turned 13 year old nephew wants to be a zoo keeper or work somehow with wild animals. So he became concerned when he heard about a new animal transmitted disease.
> He asked his Mom what kind of disease can you catch from alligators and crocodiles?
> ...


 Classic!


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## pheasantplucker (Feb 20, 2007)

ten years ago when my oldest daughter got hitched, I was getting into the truck to drive to the wedding. Wouldn't you know that I ended up ripping a big hole in the crotch of my tuxedo pants. Glad my wife ended up talking me into not going "commando" that day!


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

Sometimes I need to say to myself "Open door THEN go through."


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## Sanza (Sep 8, 2008)

First of all I'm surprised no one else had admitted to this..... 

I was once the "woman with the back hem of her dress stuck in her pantyhose waistband". 
I had used the washroom in the foyer of the hall just before I stood in the lineup to sign the guestbook, and all of a sudden I felt a tug on my skirt. I turned around to see a couple grinning at me and the woman told me that she had just pulled my skirt out. Every time we saw each other that night we had a good giggle.

If I can remember correctly I am also guilty of the toilet paper stuck on the shoe.... 
*Now I make sure to double check everything!!

A friend is guilty of zipping up his fly and catching a good chunk of shirt tail and not noticing, and no one at the wedding would tell him!


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## Buckhuntr (Oct 4, 2012)

Irish Pixie said:


> I not only made it to work but it took a coworker to notice that I had on two different black shoes. They were pumps with the same heel height or I would have listed to one side, I think I would have noticed that. :happy2:


Once after lunch I realized I had worn one black wingtip and one black Rockport shoe to work. All day and nobody else noticed, or if they did, didn't say anything to me about it. :hysterical:

A few years ago I was cooking Thanksgiving dinner while DW was in the living room with our guests. I was having trouble getting the gravy thickened, so added some cornstarch.  Immediately it foamed up and boiled over as I frantically moved the pan off the burner, cursing a blue streak, and the conversation in the other room stopped. Deathly quiet. I looked at the container of cornstarch and saw... Baking soda!?!? :facepalm:


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## sdnapier (Aug 13, 2010)

mzgarden said:


> I've left my coffee cup sitting on the top of one of the fence posts around the barn so many times, we've considered super gluing a coffee cup on the top of each post and pretending they're supposed to be there.


I went to Alberta, Canada once. Drove along a stretch of road that had a ball cap on every single fence post. Miles of it. Maybe a "coffee cup" type thing.


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## unregistered358967 (Jul 17, 2013)

Another coffee story - I was at the gas station yesterday and while trying to put the lid on (I forgot my reusable Tervis), I managed to somehow get the cup to fly into the air. 10% of the coffee went on the floor. The other 90% you ask? My purse. Not on it.

IN IT.


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## Oggie (May 29, 2003)

Until one day about a week ago, I thought that Jethro Tull was a guy who played the flute.


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## TRAILRIDER (Apr 16, 2007)

There's a lot of things you should not do in the dark. For one...weed eating. But I already posted that story on another thread. The little MacIntosh Apple tree did survive by the way.
I also no longer get dressed in the dark anymore (well not very often.) The day I went to take my CCDW course I had to get up way before dawn to get my goats milked and barn chores done then make the drive into the city for the course. It was only after I sat down...in the front row...for the class that I realized I had a big, dark grey stain around the front of my shirt beneath the neckline. (Apparently it was one of my "farm only" t shirts, not to be worn in public.) I just pretended not to notice and of course no one mentioned it. The day was a success in the end.


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

Jax-mom said:


> Another coffee story - I was at the gas station yesterday and while trying to put the lid on (I forgot my reusable Tervis), I managed to somehow get the cup to fly into the air. 10% of the coffee went on the floor. The other 90% you ask? My purse. Not on it.
> 
> IN IT.


But isn't it handy to know whether your purse is water tight- just case you need an emergency water bucket?


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

ah classrooms. If I had a dollar for every time I've embarrassed myself there...

It was in the 1990's and I was working 2 jobs trying to help our son with pharmacy school expenses. Sleep wasn't something I did except when I sat down in the classroom for Saturday work-related training sessions. I tried to always arrive at those sessions early enough to get a back row seat, but this particular Saturday had me arriving late and the only seat available was front row center and next to the aisle, almost directly in front of the class presenter.

And yes, you can easily imagine what happened next and as the classroom lights dimmed for a slide presentation so did my own lights go out and fast. 

I woke up to nervous laughter and slowly realized the upper half of my body was almost levitating in the aisle. The only thing still seated was about an inch of my rear end on the edge of that chair. 

My coworkers sitting in the back of the room had a field day doing a pass the sticky note betting pool on whether I would crash in the floor or not. I didn't but it seems it was touch and go there for awhile. For what it was worth I did offer an apology to the training instructor after the session.


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## unregistered358967 (Jul 17, 2013)

LOLing at these. 

I have the habit of singing lyrics..(wrong)..and am constantly embarrassing myself when I sing in front of other people and they look at me like I'm an idiot, because I refuse to hum the words I don't know, I usually go with what I *think* the words are.  Like that song by Lorde..I was singing it with my daughter and got to the lyric "..you can call me creepy..". She looked at me and rolled her eyes. "Mom, it's 'you can call me Queen Bee'. 

I admit that does make more sense. Haha. But I still sing it my way.


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## Kaitlin (Aug 3, 2006)

I answered the door once when we lived in Germany, quite unaware that I still had the red mesh bag which had once held tangerines stuck on my head after I had been messing around with the children. Oh well, they always thought we English were bonkers!


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## SJSFarm (Jun 13, 2012)

I was a 911 dispatcher and had to send two officers to a call on Blue Belle Drive. Well I'd just come back from my weekend spent canning a ton of fruit from the orchard.

Me: "Respond to 11 Blue Ball Dr"

Long silence, then male officer: "Dispatch? Confirm Freudian slip?" :facepalm:


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## big rockpile (Feb 24, 2003)

I get up I middle of night thinking it is morning.

big rockpile


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## Cornhusker (Mar 20, 2003)

When my kids were little, they had a little Nerf basketball hoop with suction cups so you could stick it to a refrigerator or some other surface.
One evening, I stuck it to my forehead, and the kids had a blast bouncing their Nerf balls off Dad's face.
A good time was had by all until the next morning I noticed I had a dark purple, 3 inch "hickey" right in the middle of my forehead.
I'm glad I was able to entertain my coworkers as well as my children :grin:


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## unregistered358967 (Jul 17, 2013)

I had to revive this. Yesterday we stopped at a gas station and I told my kids I'd treat them to an Icee. Sure enough the sign said half off on Fridays. 

We went up to pay and I was charged full price. I politely argued with the woman, insisting that there was a picture of an Icee on the sign and I was confused that she just didn't get it. Finally I relented and handed over my money.

As we were driving home my daughter piped up, "Mom, you do know that today's Tuesday, right?"

lolol..


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## cricket49 (Apr 20, 2014)

The guy had sprayed the backyard and I forgot and walked outside barefoot.

Once I remembered, I went inside to clean off my feet. I ran the tub water just enough to get my feet wet. Then I soaped the bottoms of both feet at the same time. :facepalm: Needless to say, I fell so quick and never had a chance to catch myself. I hit my shoulder hard. 

I told the dr. who does that? :doh:

Torn rotary cuff.


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## mnn2501 (Apr 2, 2008)

Jan in CO said:


> Have gotten into a same colored car USING MY KEYS then discovered the interior was a different color. How to make a hasty retreat so the owner wouldn't see me and think I was breaking into the car. Dealer informed me there were only so many keys and it was possible to have a duplicate.


Years ago my FiL parked in the hospital parking ramp to visit MiL (his wife)who was in the hospital for a few days. He was driving her car at the time a blue Chevy Caprice. 

Did his visit, went out to the parking ramp, got into a blue Chevy Caprice, started it with his set of keys for her car and was driving down the ramp to exit when he realized it was not his (her) car.

He parked it in the first open spot and walked up to his blue Chevy Caprice and drove home. He always wondered if its owners found it a floor down from where they had parked it and what they thought.

But yes, there are only so may ways a key can be cut. Probably different these days with the electronics but this was in the 1970's


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## crazyfarm (Oct 29, 2013)

I've been getting throw away tires from the local tire shop for awhile. I do things with them. Anyway, my husband went with me last time and he about died. The tire guys were up in the trailer handing tires down to me talking about my playground and the kids. Then one says, "I had to dig around for it but I knew you'd love this one." It was a beautiful tire and I showed appropriate appreciation for the effort. lol My husband was really dying that I had grown mechanics digging around for pretty tires voluntarily. 

I'm famous at the local urgent care facility because I cemented my duck pond, naked. I didn't want to ruin my clothes............ I didn't know cement was corrosive. lol My husband didn't even know what I was up to. I hear him come outside and yell, "ARE YOU NAKED?? WHAT IF THE NEIGHBORS SEE" I told him if the neighbors were able to see me they'd been using a telescope and they deserved to see it. lol I asked him to bring me shoes when I was done but he refused so I had to walk to the house barefoot. Then every time I'd walk past him he'd shake his head. I kill that man. The Dr. loved it though. I had him look at my hands because they were the most damaged but he was dying to know where else I had cement burns. I'd just laugh and wink. That Dr. still laughs when he sees me.


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## crazyfarm (Oct 29, 2013)

When I was in Junior High I was in All City Children's Choir. I was in the lesser choir that all wore blue shirts. The upper choir wore white shirts. I got a bit turned around back stage and walked up with the upper choir. I realized but was convinced I could fake it and no one would know. Unfortunately the choir director was determined to get me to leave and ended up pulling me off the bleachers and pushing me out. It's been recorded by a million people, shoot me!


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

Guess I'll throw in my attempt to use a discount card at the wrong grocery store. It still worries me that I didn't know where I was. Isn't that one of the things professionals ask to see if you need to be committed?


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## crazyfarm (Oct 29, 2013)

We were on the roof this weekend trying to fix a leak. The stuff around the roof vent was cracked so we had to recaulk. Anyway, I had the caulk gun of roofing tar and my husband was going behind me with a spatula thingy smoothing it out. I slipped a bit and reached to him to catch me. BAM right in the face with the caulk gun. He had this HUGE streak of roofing tar from his eyebrow to his mouth. I about died laughing. I couldn't stop. Just going on and on. My husband never said anything or did anything but try to pretend I wasn't there. That's my man!


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## crazyfarm (Oct 29, 2013)

When I am pregnant my lovely husband goes to every appointment with me. With our first child my husband went and it was the first appointment where they check your cervix and such. So I'm undressing and my husband is literally dying. "What are you doing? Why are you taking your clothes off? Stop it!" I had a male Dr. and my husband could not look at him the entire time. He had no idea.......


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## crazyfarm (Oct 29, 2013)

I like to wear dresses. I've had to invest in really nice underwear. Wyoming is really windy.... I've flashed near the entire state at this point.


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## renienorm (Nov 2, 2013)

It is nice to know I am not alone. I went to the grocery store with my aunt and I had a new car. She decided to stay in the car and tried to give me some money which I refused. Made a quick trip in the store and returned to my car and as I sat down I saw money in the console I started to chide my aunt only to find a strange lady sitting next to me with a frightened look on her face. I apologized and we both started laughing as this was her daughters car not mine. Just yesterday I stopped to get lunch lunch for dh and I. I signed for my card only to realize I signed my maiden name. I have been married for almost 40 yrs and hardly remember my maiden name. How in the world did I do that? I call these senior moments for me but for some of you younger folks you can`t use that excuse. 

RenieB


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## notwyse (Feb 16, 2014)

Oh my. Where to start? Once I walked up to a busy cardiologist at work... Started the conversation by calling him "Mommy.. ".


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## shepmom (May 29, 2003)

Thank you for reviving this thread. Still LOL. I have these moments quite a bit these days the only one I currently can recall is putting the milk in the microwave thinking it was the fridge. When I went to reheat a cup of coffee I found the milk. Quart glass jar just sitting there.


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## MO_cows (Aug 14, 2010)

I had another one just this morning. Parked my car in front of the barn last night, my usual space was taken. No biggee, right? Wrong. It rained a LOT last night and I was parked in a low spot, my car was in a deep puddle when I went to leave this morning. Choices: go back in the house for the rubber boots, or get creative. I went around to the passenger side, the puddle wasn't as deep over there, so I got in the passenger side and crawled over the console (bucket seats). It was not graceful! Another one of those moments when you are glad the neighbors are a mile away..........


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## big rockpile (Feb 24, 2003)

Does it count if your under the influence of alcohol?

Sober I have been hunting, killed a Turkey, gutted it, left Shotgun in the woods. Was driving home from town, 25 miles. Asked my wife where we were? She said she thought I was taking the scenic route.

big rockpile


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

DH took the scenic route one time. Many years ago he went with the neighbor on a golfing Saturday to the state park near here. DH had avoided going golfing with him because he was a beginner, but this was one of those times that he couldn't come up with a good excuse not to go. It was a quick trip back home as DH stumbled in the door looking a real mess. He had grass stain on his clothes, weeds sticking out of his cap, and one of his clubs was broken and hanging over the side of his golf bag. I wish I'd had a video camera as DH explained what happened with almost tears in his eyes. Seems the neighbor insisted on driving the golf cart and drove them over the edge of a small cliff. Thankfully it wasn't the end of their friendship but if he hadn't been a close neighbor I doubt DH would ever have talked to him again, but he did, and they finally got to a point in time where they could laugh about it. That dear neighbor died last month and we're still grieving our loss.


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## TerriLynn (Oct 10, 2009)

Recently my husband and I decided to try our hand an making our own wine. We really know nothing more than the fact that you need fruit, sugar, and yeast in a jar with some form of airlock. 

So we rigged up a hose to cap the brewing jar with and the other end in a glass of water, and about 2 months later the bubbling stopped and we had wine......but it didn't taste real great, we let a friend sample and the words prison brew were thrown around. So it was decided that the wine needed to age a bit.....to improve the flavor.

Well after checking around a relative had some empty vodka bottles with screw on lids she wasn't using and offered them to us, and I had a wine bottle sized bottle with a wire bail lid and rubber stopper, so we bottled it all up and stuck it in a cupboard in the back of the pantry and basically forgot about it.

I don't know how much time had passed since the wine had gone into storage, but one afternoon I was in the panty to get something and I noticed something red and sticky all over the front of the lower cabinet door, and all over the floor, I am thinking "well what in the world?" and my next thought was "that wine!" I opened that door and there was a vodka bottle in pieces on the shelf, and everything in that cupboard was a sticky mess!

I quickly realized that a bottle had exploded and concluded that it must be because that wine must still be working! So I immediately began unscrewing lids to release pressure and had all the bottles relieved except the one with the wire bail.............and I distinctly heard a voice in my head very clearly say...."you better do this over the sink".....and after only pausing for a moment I thought, "naw!! It'll be ok" (you really should ALWAYS listen to that voice).

As I slipped that wire bail off the mouth of the bottle of wine, I can't describe the amount of pressure that blew up out of the bottle, and of course I leaned over the bottle to be able to see better to get that pesky bail back on where I should of left it in the first place. I thought I need to get to the sink, which is much farther away than I ever realized, I see an empty crock pot minus the lid, and I aim for that. 

In the meantime I have successfully aimed the bottle away from my face and body, which is at this time my clothes and hair are dripping with red, fermented liquid. By the time I reached the crock pot, all I can do is hold the bottle over it, but to be honest not much of the wine is going towards the floor, it is all spraying up and around.

By the time the pressure had settled down the bottle was only about 1/8 full and maybe another 1/8 of the bottle had made it into the crock pot. The rest of it was all over my ceiling, and walls, and shelves, and jars and cans of food, as far as over 5 feet away I have found evidence of my afternoon adventure. But on a positive note, really not much at all on the floor.

So a couple of hours of cleaning up my pantry, and it smelled like a brewery back there for over a week, I had some bare wood shelves that soaked up quite a bit of the stuff and are now permanently a cheery pink color. We decided that maybe we should get a book...............we're no quitters!


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Reminds me to caution people not to try and keep canned peas for too long. I had several cans of LeSeur Petite Peas stuck in a deep desk drawer along with other items I was keeping as part of a survival mini pantry. Like you TerriLynn I forgot about them, for years. I was sitting at the desk working on documents for work when a very loud explosion rattled the entire desk and me. One can of peas had decided to explode because it was about 6 years out of date. I'm lucky the desk is a heavy wood; otherwise I could have been seriously hurt with all the flying shrapnel. That can was shredded.


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## unregistered5595 (Mar 3, 2003)

I've never heard of canned peas exploding. I don't doubt you, I've just never heard it. Is this well known and I missed it somehow?

I was reading off an address on the phone, trying to sound out the name of the street.
Busl- (end of line go to next line)
ine
I said: Boozleyen, Boozlynee, trying to figure it out.
Busline! Duh, felt like an idiot.


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## soulsurvivor (Jul 4, 2004)

Feather In The Breeze said:


> I've never heard of canned peas exploding. I don't doubt you, I've just never heard it. Is this well known and I missed it somehow?


I did an online search and others have had similar can/jar explosions, fruit, jam, mixed vegetables. No specific answer to why it happens, but many guessed that it could have exploded when fermentation/yeast was building up inside the can and produced gas that had to expand.


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## Goat Servant (Oct 26, 2007)

That reminds me, I am Pac NW born & raised.
We have Puget Sound. Had Captain Puget. The pronunciation was clear
but for some reason while learning how to read I didn't get it.
"Poo-get. Pud-jet". :hammer:


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## SJSFarm (Jun 13, 2012)

Reading about the attempts to drive vehicles not ones own made me recall another all I had as a 911 dispatcher.

A guy called and said he lent his car to his friend while he was out of town for a week. He arrived back and found his car still there. Bu then his friend came to his apartment and returned his keys and said 'thanks for letting me borrow it!'

Well they went outside and found the car the friend had was the same make, model and color. AND THE KEYS WORKED!

Sure enough, it had been reported stolen! 

Obviously, neither were in trouble and the owner was happy and understood the error.


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## SJSFarm (Jun 13, 2012)

When my daughter was about 6- she was a great reader and reading long chapter books by that age- we were in Target looking at greeting cards. 

Loudly she said "Mom, what does  mean?"

There was a picture of a dog on the card!


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## SJSFarm (Jun 13, 2012)

Another 911 story; got a call at about 3-4 in the morning from a man .

"Can you help me? My baby wouldn't stop crying and driving in the car always gets him to fall asleep. Well he's out like a light, but I'm lost. I don't know how to get back home!"


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## Marilyn (Aug 2, 2006)

I just shared this story with a niece after seeing a photo of her with a rifle up to her shoulder on FB........I am righthanded, and the first time I went to the firing range for practice, I couldn't understand why I couldn't see through the sights whenever I got into position. I backed away, stood up, relaxed, and proceeded to lower my face back to the gun again - same result: when I got my face close to the gun, I lost the ability to see through the sights. 
As it turned out, as I was getting close to the gun, I was winking my *right* eye!


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## Queen Bee (Apr 7, 2004)

These are great! My grandson (7) received a package of gliders for a BD gift. They are a little fancy- they are soft foam and have a little handle with rubber band to "launch them with. Sat., Grandson asked if I could show him how to use it.. Me? " Of course I can. "

I step out to the edge of the covered front porch. I explain how easy it was, Showed him how to place the hook on the rubber band, pulled it back .. And with great pride , I said 'see? and let it go..... We watched as the plane ascended ; quickly made a huge loop back toward the house and crash landed on the roof! My grandson, turned and said "Gran, thank you , for showing me how, but can we not do it your way , every time?


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

Queen Bee said:


> These are great! My grandson (7) received a package of gliders for a BD gift. They are a little fancy- they are soft foam and have a little handle with rubber band to "launch them with. Sat., Grandson asked if I could show him how to use it.. Me? " Of course I can. "
> 
> I step out to the edge of the covered front porch. I explain how easy it was, Showed him how to place the hook on the rubber band, pulled it back .. And with great pride , I said 'see? and let it go..... We watched as the plane ascended ; quickly made a huge loop back toward the house and crash landed on the roof! My grandson, turned and said "Gran, thank you , for showing me how, but can we not do it your way , every time?


What a polite grandson you have.......


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## OnlyMe (Oct 10, 2010)

I'll chime in. I have a lot of these "moments" & can totally relate. 

A couple of years ago, we had a winter storm that knocked out power for a few days. Fortunately, we have a generator that is tied into the electrical panel allowing us to keep the furnace running so we have heat & hot water. It's not on standby so some switch flipping has to take place. 

Finally spring rolled around & we had a crazy 90+ degree day - in New England this is HOT. Time to turn on the AC. The fan came on but there wasn't any cold air. Hmmm. Tried it a few more times but didn't have any luck so I told hubby I was calling the heating/ac "guy". The "guy" comes out & he too can't figure out what's wrong. We went to the outside unit & he puts in his probes. No power.

Then it hit me ~~~~ since it was winter when we lost power, I didn't bother to flip the circuit breaker to the AC back ON! 

Sighhh, I was so embarrassed & was now out $75 for the house call. Live & Learn....


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## michael ark (Dec 11, 2013)

Only me don't feel bad i got calls like that all the time.One time i had a call of now heat. I go and check unit it wont fire. Go outside look at gas meter and it has a plastic lock on it from gas co. I call the gas co. and ask if it should be on .She tells me yea it was turned on and unlocked 3 days ago.I told her it wasn't .She argued for 30min telling me the meter that i was looking at was on . I hate being called a liar.I guess they were scared they would get the bill for the service call cause it was their fault the unit would not come on.

One time i drove 3 hr to go deer hunting in wma.I brought the tent but forgot the poles. I draped a tarp over the truck bed and slept in the space between in the bed of the truck.My friend slept in the cab of the truck.Now i carry 2 tents. This winter went hunting with the same guy and forgot the poles again but had the backup tent. On that first trip i had a buzzard attack my turkey decoy . I will never forget either trip.


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## unregistered358967 (Jul 17, 2013)

I took a quick exercise walk yesterday and was having a bosom problem, shall we say. I had my hand in, readjusting everything as I walked pretty fast. A car was parked way up the street but I ignored it because people park their cars there all the time near the business. I finally got things squared away just as I got close to the car. As I passed it I noticed it had tinted windows..yet there was a dude in the front seat eating his lunch, grinning from ear to ear and apparently watching the peep show.

:umno:


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## Marilyn (Aug 2, 2006)

You just made me laugh out loud and spew iced tea Jax-mam. Thank you, I needed a good belly laugh.


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## unregistered358967 (Jul 17, 2013)

There's been a rash of stories lately about babies being left in cars.

Yesterday I was at Target. When I came out I passed by a car that was running with windows up and happened to notice nobody was in the driver's seat. I then saw a carseat in the back with little legs kicking. Not wanting to be nosy, I got into my nearby car and waited for a bit to see if someone would appear. I waited 5 minutes and nobody came. I started to get a little worried and decided to check it out further. I walked toward the back of the car and nearly jumped out of my skin.

A Somalian lady was sitting in the back seat, nearly invisible. Her long hijab was the color of the interior seats and she literally blended in. She sat there for a second watching me, and then I smiled and motioned 'i was just checking'..I think she understood because she smiled and nodded. I gave her the ok sign and went back to my car.

Good lord. That freaked me out. But I knowI did the right thing. Dogs and babies being left in cars..I will always investigate things like that.


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## TerriLynn (Oct 10, 2009)

Having a large family I always try to buy in bulk when I can to save money, and repackage in recycled containers. Yesterday morning my 16 year old got up and was looking for something to eat, and I had made pancakes earlier in the morning and he decided to eat those.

Well saying he isn't a morning person is an understatement, so I just kind of gave him wide berth while he was fixing his pancakes, and he asks me "why is this syrup so runny?" very clearly annoyed. I replied "runny?" obviously a little confused. 

He then held up a recycled catsup bottle and kind of shook it, and I told him "ohhhh.....yea it's runny cuz its not syrup, its vanilla" He had already poured a generous amount onto his pancakes and REALLY looked annoyed at that point. 

Well the rest of us, who had already eaten couldn't help laughing at him, and I mean laughing really hard. He started laughing too, until he remembered to be grumpy again. He ended up pouring the syrup over all of it and eating it anyway......said actually it wasn't that bad.

I am still chuckling when I think about it.


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

No one has laughed at themselves since July? It happens to me every day.  

During practice and Survivor I ran the bread machine in the background for fun. The kitchen was a little cold, so I thought I would add a little extra yeast.

Do you remember the funny I Love Lucy huge bread coming out of the oven episode? 

Mine was more like Jack and the Bean Stock. I'll back it off a little the next time.


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## unregistered358967 (Jul 17, 2013)

Haha - I just saw that episode.. 

Let's see...what did I do lately that was dumb...I have to think about that for a bit!


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## southrngardngal (Oct 18, 2005)

Several years ago I ordered a pizza to be delivered. It was supposed to be there in 30 minutes but at 45 minutes I had not heard from them. So I called to check on it and they kept telling they didn't have an order for me. I argued vehemently with them. My daughter Lisa said "Mom who are you talking to?" I said "Dominos." Then she proceeds to tell me that I had ordered from the Pizza Hut. I quickly told the poor guy "I'm so sorry. Wrong number."


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