# Women want security. Men want security



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

So far, the women have been trying to describe their ideas of what the term security means to them.
Got to wondering, dos the word security mean the same things to us guys, or does it have a different meaning.

Security, to me, now, dosent mean neccesarly money, or much of it. I used to be scared of living near the cliff of financial insecurity, But now, on SS, I have learned how to adjust to living near it at the end of the month. I have learned how to better budget myself, and so, it dosent scare me near so much. I guess, now, Security to me, means companionship. It means a dedication to survive, and succeed. It means doing things together, living a frugal, but satisfying and contented life. But then, who do I know.


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

A woman is sitting in starbucks, relaxing with a cup of coffee, feeling completely secure..

She has finished her Christmas shopping, the tree is decorated, truck is running good, and the animals are healthy and the feed bin is full...Aww,,feeling so secure, she can actually really relax......

At this very moment, her secure time,,,her house is burning down..She doesn't know.....

Security is an Illusion


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

"Security to me, means companionship. It means a dedication to survive, and succeed. It means doing things together, living a frugal, but satisfying and contented life. But then, who do I know."
I don't think I could add anything to that thought. . . . .


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

L.A. said:


> A woman is sitting in starbucks, relaxing with a cup of coffee, feeling completely secure..
> 
> She has finished her Christmas shopping, the tree is decorated, truck is running good, and the animals are healthy and the feed bin is full...Aww,,feeling so secure, she can actually really relax......
> 
> ...


Well, Merry la la la. Lol. That is awful cheerful. You need some special eggnog. Lots of rum.


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

Men are easy to figure out. Food, sex, and a woman that nags a little. (They like a little sass.)


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

U got that last wrong.

BUTTcher close lol


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

L.A. said:


> A woman is sitting in starbucks, relaxing with a cup of coffee, feeling completely secure..
> 
> She has finished her Christmas shopping, the tree is decorated, truck is running good, and the animals are healthy and the feed bin is full...Aww,,feeling so secure, she can actually really relax......
> 
> ...


Can I give a big fat Amen?
*seÂ·cuÂ·riÂ·ty*

[si-kyoo&#8201;r-i-tee] Show IPA noun, plural seÂ·cuÂ·riÂ·ties, adjective. 
noun 1.freedom from danger, risk, etc.; safety. 

2.freedom from care, anxiety, or doubt; well-founded confidence. 

3.something that secures or makes safe; protection; defense. 

4.freedom from financial cares or from want: The insurance policy gave the family security. 

5.precautions taken to guard against crime, attack, sabotage, espionage, etc.: The senator claimed security was lax and potential enemies know our plans. 

1, 2, 4
Not possible.
You can have 'moments' when you 'feel' secure. But TRUE freedom from:____
Not on this planet.
3
Yes, a 'safe' or 'bunker' or 'sidearm' gives us the 'feeling' of security.
But true freedom from 'risk' is not achievable on this planet.
5
Again, we can take precautions and not put ourselves in positions where danger is imminent, but we are never 'free from the risk' so long as we walk on this planet.
I strive to be confident in my choices, knowing that nothing in this life is a 'sure thing'....(IE security) but that I will make the best choices possible, and stick close to the Lord. He is my only True Security.


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

Raven12 said:


> Men are easy to figure out. Food, sex, and a woman that nags a little. (They like a little sass.)


W R O N G... as women constantly oversimplify men...


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## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

arcticow said:


> W R O N G... as women constantly oversimplify men...


Very true.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Emotional security. Unfortunately we've all been whacked like pinatas so it's hard to find that security within ourselves. Without having it within ourselves, we can't show it to others or see it in them. Self sabotage due to Fear of Failure.


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

Emotional security is hardest to come by - even harder than financial or physical, and no one can "give" that to you. It has to come over time, looking within oneself honestly and compassionately.

Least that is what I have learned from being whacked like a piÃ±ata for a long, long time.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:donut:

I have found that a little sting is good.

:donut:


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

arcticow said:


> W R O N G... as women constantly oversimplify men...


My pooh bear likes all three. :shrug: I must not be doing something wrong.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Raven12 said:


> Men are easy to figure out. Food, sex, and a woman that nags a little. (They like a little sass.)


Standing naked with a plate of food in one hand, a beer in the other, while sassing him to get his boots off the coffee table....LOL


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Raven12 said:


> Men are easy to figure out. Food, sex, and a woman that nags a little. (They like a little sass.)





arcticow said:


> W R O N G... as women constantly oversimplify men...


Yeah...this is pretty typical. Amazing how double standards and generalizations seem to be permanently sewn into the fabric of gender relations. Disillusioned? Pessimistic? Whatever. I prefer to call it educated optimism. 

Whatever one thinks of security or others' definition of it, I guess I have to float my stick same as roadless on that other thread. And even that is illusory when you consider that even faith can be shattered. 

So, I put my faith in God. Smith and Wesson handle security.


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## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

Would I like to feel secure? Sure. Do I think I ever will be again? No.


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

katydidagain said:


> Would I like to feel secure? Sure. Do I think I ever will be again? No.


Yes you will. You will feel secure in yourself!


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## summerdaze (Jun 11, 2009)

L.A. said:


> A woman is sitting in starbucks, relaxing with a cup of coffee, feeling completely secure..
> 
> She has finished her Christmas shopping, the tree is decorated, truck is running good, and the animals are healthy and the feed bin is full...Aww,,feeling so secure, she can actually really relax......
> 
> ...


But what was it that made her feel completely secure? Did she somehow think she was above anything bad happening in her life? If so, you're right, that WAS an illusion. 
I belive that you can STILL feel secure, even when bad things happen. 
She may have all the security she needs if she has one, some, or all of these: A loving family, a loving husband, (they can hold onto each other, and reassure one another that it's going to be alright) good friends who will be there and help with whatever they can, good neighbors who will pitch in, or at least verbalize support for them, a faith that they can stand firm in, and know that God is with them, even now in the midst of all this chaos and heartache.
I think it's still possible to walk through the fires (troubles in life) with your security intact. Just depends on who/what you put your trust in I guess.

I will say though, for the person who doesn't have these people in their lives, I hope they have REALLY GOOD INSURANCE!


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## mekasmom (Jan 19, 2010)

I think men want to feel wanted, appreciated, and validated. They want to have a mate who respects them enough to let them be who they are without constantly fearing that she will run off with someone else or will take all his earthly possessions just because she gets in a snit. They want to live in peace without constant whining, nagging, yelling, and being put down. Men seem to have really vulnerable hearts. Maybe because they can't express themselves verbally as well as women? They just hold everything in, so it makes their hearts more vulnerable. Mean words, nagging, constant put downs wound them. 
Plus.... they want sex. Sex to men is part of love. They see the act as interchangeable with the emotion.


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

glazed said:


> :donut:
> 
> I have found that a little sting is good.
> 
> :donut:


Whack him again. Maybe some candy will come out!:hysterical:


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Mekasmom. I think you got us guys fingered uot lol.


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## Centralilrookie (Jul 12, 2012)

I think Mekasmom nailed it! Supposed to be so strong, but really so vulnerable. It's a double edged sword. No wonder I drink. It shouldn't be so hard.


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## Spotted Owl (Jul 5, 2010)

glazed said:


> :donut:
> 
> I have found that a little sting is good.
> 
> :donut:


At times I suppose we do need to be kept on track and properly focused. Depending on what is going on at the time. Can you properly time and properly place you sting? 



mekasmom said:


> I think men want to feel wanted, appreciated, and validated. They want to have a mate who respects them enough to let them be who they are without constantly fearing that she will run off with someone else or will take all his earthly possessions just because she gets in a snit. They want to live in peace without constant whining, nagging, yelling, and being put down. Men seem to have really vulnerable hearts. Maybe because they can't express themselves verbally as well as women? They just hold everything in, so it makes their hearts more vulnerable. Mean words, nagging, constant put downs wound them.
> Plus.... they want sex. Sex to men is part of love. They see the act as interchangeable with the emotion.


This is about as close as I have seen. Lots of good stuff in these words.



Owl


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## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

mekasmom said:


> I think men want to feel wanted, appreciated, and validated. They want to have a mate who respects them enough to let them be who they are without constantly fearing that she will run off with someone else or will take all his earthly possessions just because she gets in a snit. They want to live in peace without constant whining, nagging, yelling, and being put down. Men seem to have really vulnerable hearts. Maybe because they can't express themselves verbally as well as women? They just hold everything in, so it makes their hearts more vulnerable. Mean words, nagging, constant put downs wound them.
> Plus.... they want sex. Sex to men is part of love. They see the act as interchangeable with the emotion.


99.99999% of this fits a woman's needs/desires/dreams/wishes. People want to be treated as humans it seems.


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## lathermaker (May 7, 2010)

Security is knowing that whatever crap life throws at you, you have the common sense or wherewithall to deal with it. If you have a partner to help, it makes it much easier. Am I totally secure with my life?? No. But, after dealing with the pinata of life for most of my entire life, I've developed SKILLS!


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

The best is finding a guy who is about the lovemaking.

happy dance, happy dance, happy dance


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

I'm just gonna kinda ramble around here...

I just had a great night talking with an old friend. Who is a SIL of an old BF of mine, a very very special person to me, def a soulmate. I have felt in the ether of the universe that this old friend (BF) has been unhappy for a long time--I dont' talk to him, I jsut feel the unhappiness and so I pray for him (woo-woo meter, I have always wondered at this, am I just maing stuff up, or what, apparently not, and then I'm like wow...how strong we are able to connect with some people...) Anyways, she summed up his unhappiness as his inner child has been crushed in his marriage.

I think, it is a man thing to feel secure--either conscious or not-- that his inner child is delighted in and nurtured. I don't mean nurtured in a mothery sort of way...at least primarily.

I have another lifelong childhood friend, we still connect in that childhood free innocense. He lets me in to play with that deep part of himself he edits for everyone else. While I love him dearly I also know we aren't meant to be "together"(yet we are "together" in the way it needs to be, if that makes sense haha)--ie he's got expensive tastes and I am a dirty hippy ha. I watch him choose relationships with the same sort of girl--financially well off, "well-dressed", high maintenance etc. It's been a curious thing to watch the cycle repeat as he looks for security and happiness in those things(and ends up being disappointed as the girl doesn't like to "go camping"). 

He says I give him a place to exist in peace and freedom outside mistakes and regrets he has made in his life and to enjoy his quirkiness and be that child again all innocent and full of wonder...and I was there way back then.I know it doesn't make sense--I mean if we share such closeness as that we should be together in a relationship, but on the other hand like I said elsewhere money makes me nervous, I dont' have expensive tastes and I know that would drive me crazy after awhile. Somehow we've worked out this was to share what is good to be shared without losing it. I know I will be with another person, yet I can still have the preciousness of this friendship.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Makes perfect sense to me baby.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

mekasmom said:


> I think men want to feel wanted, appreciated, and validated.
> ***They want to have a mate who respects them enough to let them be who they are without constantly fearing that she will run off with someone else or will take all his earthly possessions just because she gets in a snit.
> ***They want to live in peace without constant whining, nagging, yelling, and being put down.
> ***Men seem to have really vulnerable hearts. Maybe because they can't express themselves verbally as well as women?
> ...


I have come back to this comment a zillion times......wishing to say something but fearing it will come out wrong.

A lot of folks 'liked' this entry, and a couple men said this is about spot on.
That has my curiosity up.
Folks hate the 'broad brush stroke' approach....so I am going to ask:

Is this description about right for _most_ men? Like 8 out of 10?
Is the key word here "_men_"? Not boys.
If a woman has provided everything in this post, and more, yet she is treated very poorly....is one to *assume*that the "man" in the relationship is not a "man"?

I am so curious.


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> I have come back to this comment a zillion times......wishing to say something but fearing it will come out wrong.
> 
> A lot of folks 'liked' this entry, and a couple men said this is about spot on.
> That has my curiosity up.
> ...


Glad you asked this, Laura! The responses should be telling! (Maybe make it a new thread, in case it's missed?)


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## Guest (Dec 11, 2012)

You can only lump all men together if you can lump all women together. Either way, you can do it, but you will be dead wrong. I am no more like the last guy you knew than the you are like the last woman I knew. The whole concept implies that humans have no individuality at all. And I'll guarantee that some of the people that think the list reflects reality also think their little dog Toto has human personality traits.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

zong said:


> You're not sure what used to be here.


Darn, Zong! You closed up shop?

Mon


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Men see sex as part of the love. As part of the emotion, or something like that.
I say, yes it is, and no it isnt, IN SOME CASES

I doubt if this is going to come out right, but here goes

Men have that within them that demands that they persue sex. They cant stop it at all. They can detour as it were in it, But its there and cannot be controlled. They wake up every day with this in them laying latent and waiting, but getting stronger and stronger by the hour. 
Some men feel that its a part of being a man and embrace it without question
Some men worry about it and try to control it.
One way or the other, its in there minds subconcious all day and night long. 


I dont, see sex, AS PART of loveing. IN ONE SENSE. I see Love being a trigger that propels that latent force within men, and gives it strength, to which, before hand, they may have held onto some control.
I think there are men who hate haveing sex in a relationship cause, either hes wanting it too soon, OR not soon enough, OR hes not good at it, OR hes so good, he must have been around a buncha women.
In other words, its just another possible obsticle men have to worry about going into a relationship
He might be a wonderful person, to look at, to listen to, He may be funny, and caring, and concerned, and feel for the feelings of a woman, BUT, If the sex isnt as she feels it should be, that will cast a damper on the wonderfulness of the rest of his personality.

BUTT THEN, What the heck do I know about this lol. Whats your thoughts,


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

I don't think men are worser communicators than women--they do it just as much, and IMO many times with more creativity and outside the boxness(which is a comment on how women have been boxed up culturally, Stepfordized, "venusized"), I mean, I think some women(NOT pointing any fingers) obsess on talking as the only and/or best way to communicate. I find men have plenty to say, and if it can be a "fault"(heh) they ARE more picky/discerning who they reveal deep things to. Prove yourself worthy of that trust and WHAM taste the rainbow!

The definition of what is a "man" is a wonderfully complex thing, and while what is a "woman" is a part of what is a man, IMO being the right sort of woman doesn't conjure up a "real man" or put the bulk of the blame on him if things dont' work out. I dont' know, to even say or imply such a thing just really gaks me.

Heh, the door to door meat man was an excellent communcator yesterday...he asked me if I was a vegetarian and I had him at "HECK NO I love meat" (subbing heck for something else haha). While he had actual beautiful meat for sale, he ended up saying forget this meat here's my number, I got a whole lot of other kinds of meat for ya. Not ever gonna call him(safety rule for myself, I dont' do unknown/blind), but I sure had fun poking his "man" buttons and he liked having them poked ha.


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Thank you for voicing your point of view, Bill. That was well-worded, obviously well-thought-out, and appreciated!


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

FarmboyBill said:


> Men see sex as part of the love. As part of the emotion, or something like that.
> I say, yes it is, and no it isnt, IN SOME CASES
> 
> I doubt if this is going to come out right, but here goes
> ...


you are [email protected]@#$%^^&&**&^%$%^ amazing Bill, I salute you. With the old fashioned Woodstock Kitty Salute.


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

So......I need a reason, to want to get laid?????

Hmmm,,,,,,

How about I'm just Horny... or do I need a reason for that too????

Been a long day this morning....:grin:


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## Evons hubby (Oct 3, 2005)

I find it amusing how so many women here seem to know what men want. I cant speak for all men but the best description I ever heard that fits my idea of security goes something like this:

Just a little beer money
Just a little food money
and every now and then
Just a little

Oh... and nagging is not desired at any time!


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Yvonne's hubby said:


> I find it amusing how so many women here *seem to know what men want*.
> 
> I cant speak for all men but the best description I ever heard that fits *my idea* of security goes something like this:
> 
> ...


YH, clearly I know nothing......that's why I asked!!:yuck:

So "your idea" mentioned above; would you say that out of 10 men asked, 8 of them are similar to your idea? 
What number would you say is accurate (your best guess, based upon the men you know...)

I am soul searching and that is why I am asking questions like this.:help:
Thanks!!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

HA YH/ IF I were a man your age, AND Since I dont drink but a 6pk a year, and again for the 3rd year, I didnt drink that, AND IF I have to go out and buy my meals, AND IF I have to wait to get it NOW AND THEN. I need to be looking for another woman LOL lol


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## Guest (Dec 11, 2012)

Yvonne's hubby said:


> I find it amusing how so many women here seem to know what men want. ............


Considering that this is singletree, and the women who know what men want are(purportedly) single, there's some possibility that they not may *not know* what men want.


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

zong said:


> Considering that this is singletree, and the women who know what men want are(purportedly) single, there's some possibility that they not may *not know* what men want.


I'll admit it--I haven't the foggiest idea what you guys want or when or why you want it.

That's why I have a dog.


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## Guest (Dec 11, 2012)

Therein lies the problem. There are no "you guys" there are, however, individual guys. If you ask what I want, I can answer. If you ask what all men want, there is no answer.


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

zong said:


> Therein lies the problem. There are no "you guys" there are, however, individual guys. If you ask what I want, I can answer. If you ask what all men want, there is no answer.


Since I haven't figured out the answer or even received an answer on an individual level, sorry to say, you are now a collective.

Remember, vampires come in both sexes.


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## Guest (Dec 11, 2012)

If you didn't ask, it's your own fault for not asking. If you asked a guy "what do you want?" and he answers "I don't know" that is man code for "I don't know" On the other hand, if his answer is "Nothing" *that's* man code for "nothing" 
Now, if you ask him "what do you want" and he says "I want you to quit asking me what I want" that's man code for "I want you to quit asking me what I want"
Glad I could help with that.


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## Evons hubby (Oct 3, 2005)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> So "your idea" mentioned above; would you say that out of 10 men asked, 8 of them are similar to your idea?


I dont know exactly who wants what, but based on my discussions with the men I know (out of earshot of the ladies of course) I would say this assessment would be about right in at least the majority of cases. I do agree with Zong.... its really hard to put a box around all men... we are all individuals, but there are some things that the majority of us find desirable, and security is one of them. As near as I can tell men tend to place more emphasis upon financial security than they do emotional security. As long as they have enough to eat, a place to sleep, and someone to share a bed with now and then, that about covers our needs. There are those however who need more emotional security than others of course. It has also been my experience that the majority of women are wired a bit differently, needing lots of emotional support, and they assume that men are the same.


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## Evons hubby (Oct 3, 2005)

zong said:


> If you didn't ask, it's your own fault for not asking. If you asked a guy "what do you want?" and he answers "I don't know" that is man code for "I don't know" On the other hand, if his answer is "Nothing" *that's* man code for "nothing"
> Now, if you ask him "what do you want" and he says "I want you to quit asking me what I want" that's man code for "I want you to quit asking me what I want"
> Glad I could help with that.


LOL This is soooooo true, and for whatever reason seems to be almost incomprehensible to a lot of women. Most men say what they mean... without having to be deciphered or decoded! Women on the other hand seem to speak an entirely different language. Yes means no, no mean maybe, maybe means yes..... or at least some variation of the above. 

He asks "Whats wrong?", she replies "Nothing".... yeah... theres something wrong alright, and the poor guy is on his own to figure out what it is coz he's sposed to know and she aint about to just tell him. That would be far too simple! LOL BTDT too many times!


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

Men want playful, fun women. That is what men want. Not debbie downers.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> I have come back to this comment a zillion times......wishing to say something but fearing it will come out wrong.
> 
> A lot of folks 'liked' this entry, and a couple men said this is about spot on.
> That has my curiosity up.
> ...


@LauraZ5, I'm only 1 of 10, but I'll go out on a limb here. Out of 10 [_men (chronologically speaking)]_, 8 of them (if they are really men) would say the man in your example is not. IMO this person may not have always been, but certainly is now - a cull. Do not torture yourself over this. Sometimes He will not let us know why. 

I had more, but don't feel like squabbling over semantics and minor details with other posters. Way too much of that already. Suffice it to say that while reading this thread it has become clear that the generalizations haven't been confined to replies by female posters. Way too many cooks working on this soup. 

Alot of people have this need to homogenize their world in order to make it fit their picture of right and wrong. I would have to disagree with this. Variety and spice and all that... That is why I'd disagree with the other statistical generalization I read in this thread.


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## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

Raven12 said:


> Men want playful, fun women. That is what men want. Not debbie downers.


Um, okay.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Raven12 said:


> Men want playful, fun women. That is what men want. Not debbie downers.


No Raven, I want a woman I can trust. That's where my feeling of being secure stems from. Not play. Play is fun but, by itself, it's just an illusion.

With trust comes totality. The play, the serious, the giving and taking (without keeping score), all the "together" things, all the "she/he is off doing what they like and I'm OK with that" things. The things marriage vows were meant to symbolize.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Discribe fun and playful


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

FarmboyBill said:


> Discribe fun and playful


Lol. You are making so much sense to me lately.


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

yep, the good ones are the ones who will hold your hair while you vomit. No nagging, no ridicule, no babytalk.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

No nagging, no ridicule, no babytalk. Read my lips. NO PUKING!


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

sustainabilly said:


> @LauraZ5, I'm only 1 of 10, but I'll go out on a limb here. Out of 10 [_men (chronologically speaking)]_, 8 of them (if they are really men) would say the man in your example is not. IMO this person may not have always been, but certainly is now - a cull. Do not torture yourself over this. Sometimes He will not let us know why.


thank you.
I would never put 'all men' in 'one box', no more than I would want to be put in a box.
I was looking at it the way you saw it.
Thank you for answering.



> *I had more, but don't feel like squabbling over semantics and minor details with other posters.* Way too much of that already. Suffice it to say that while reading this thread it has become clear that the generalizations haven't been confined to replies by female posters. Way too many cooks working on this soup.
> 
> Alot of people have this need to homogenize their world in order to make it fit their picture of right and wrong. I would have to disagree with this. Variety and spice and all that... That is why I'd disagree with the other statistical generalization I read in this thread.


I wish you would have shared more.....



> LOL This is soooooo true, and for whatever reason seems to be almost incomprehensible to a lot of women. Most men say what they mean... without having to be deciphered or decoded! Women on the other hand seem to speak an entirely different language. Yes means no, no mean maybe, maybe means yes..... or at least some variation of the above.
> 
> He asks "Whats wrong?", she replies "Nothing".... yeah... theres something wrong alright, and the poor guy is on his own to figure out what it is coz he's sposed to know and she aint about to just tell him. That would be far too simple! LOL BTDT too many times!


*
YH that's why I ask so many questions.*
*I* am the one who says what she means, and means what she says.
*I* am the one asking "what's wrong" and getting "nothing"
*I* am the one when something is out of wack / needs to be called as BS....*I* am the one who does this.

That is why I ask so many questions and don't really comprehend most of what is going on.
I know sometimes my questions appear to be stupid.....but I truly don't know the answer. I come here looking for ideas, answers, direction, insight, you name it. 
I have no where else to turn.
There are a few who (I think) every time they read my entry, it hits their gag reflex, and it shows in their comments.......that's ok. One can even learn from their comments!!
I don't ask "stupid" questions to stir the pot.......I ask because my life is a nightmare, and I am trying to figure it all out.


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> I have come back to this comment a zillion times......wishing to say something but fearing it will come out wrong.
> 
> A lot of folks 'liked' this entry, and a couple men said this is about spot on.
> That has my curiosity up.
> ...


The key word is "most". Men don't dump on women... Some women seem to choose boys. :bash:


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

Tommyice said:


> I'll admit it--I haven't the foggiest idea what you guys want or when or why you want it.
> 
> That's why I have a dog.


We all have PM boxes that hold 200 messages now... A S K. :cowboy:


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

wyld thang said:


> yep, the good ones are the ones who will hold your hair while you vomit. No nagging, no ridicule, no babytalk.


Not only hold your hair OUT of the way, but clean up while you go lie on a cool floor... :yuck:


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

arcticow said:


> The key word is "most". Men don't dump on women... Some women seem to choose boys. :bash:


Agreed.
Now what?


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

arcticow said:


> We all have PM boxes that hold 200 messages now... A S K. :cowboy:


I appreciate the offer Articow, but as I've learned and has been stated here, you all are individuals. The one I want an answer from doesn't check his PM box anymore.


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## Evons hubby (Oct 3, 2005)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Agreed.
> Now what?


Find a man... leave the boys alone.


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## mekasmom (Jan 19, 2010)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> If a woman has provided everything in this post, and more, yet she is treated very poorly....is one to *assume*that the "man" in the relationship is not a "man"?
> 
> I am so curious.


All men are little boys sometimes, immature, selfish, unable to face problems head on,enjoying play more than other things. And all women are whiny, nagging, shrew-like, and controlling sometimes. It is just a fact of life that we are all human, and every human has those gender related faults at times. The goal is to tame our tongues enough to get through the momentary "human" faults and move on. You have to look beyond the faults, and love him for what is good about him. We have to deny ourselves a little bit at times. We do not always have to have our way in every decision. We do not have to always have the last word. And we do not always have to be right even if we are right. 

And we need to be sure we all look in the mirror and see our own short-comings too. It is never all the other person's fault when we have strife in a relationship.


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## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

Yvonne's hubby said:


> Find a man... leave the boys alone.


Or find a *** ....can't say it here...could on the survival forum...they all have at least 1.


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## SilverFlame819 (Aug 24, 2010)

We don't always have to be right even if we are right? 

MAN! That's where I'm screwing up.


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

Right won't get you very far down the road... not if you have to be right instead of the bigger person...


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## SilverFlame819 (Aug 24, 2010)

I have a problem with people who can't admit they're wrong when they're wrong... So we probably wouldn't have made a good match anyway.


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## Shygal (May 26, 2003)

zong said:


> If you didn't ask, it's your own fault for not asking. If you asked a guy "what do you want?" and he answers "I don't know" that is man code for "I don't know" On the other hand, if his answer is "Nothing" *that's* man code for "nothing"
> Now, if you ask him "what do you want" and he says "I want you to quit asking me what I want" that's man code for "I want you to quit asking me what I want"
> Glad I could help with that.


Also, don't ask a man directly what he is thinking, and NEVER use the word "feel" in any way, with any man unless you are inviting him to test the firmness of breasts. 

The best way to talk with a man - get out something to do together, a video game, working outside, something that the man can focus on and not feel uncomfortable like he is under a microscope. Then start talking about stuff, any kind of stuff, after a while when he is involved in whatever you are doing, then you can start talking about the thing you want to....but again dont ask a direct "What do you feel about........" type. Its better to start with "I was thinking (or wondering) what would happen if....." That way the guy does not feel like he has to come up with the "right" answer (its part of the guy's need to "fix" things, they want to "fix" the conversations with the 'right' answers too) and he will be more likely to give you what he really DOES think about something


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

You have it Shy.
You can mention feel in a sentence, Just nothing like
How do you feel?
More like, W$hats your feelings abvout our problem?
How do you feel about the problem
Any Feelings you care to talk abour., ECT


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## Marshloft (Mar 24, 2008)

katydidagain said:


> Or find a *** ....can't say it here...could on the survival forum...they all have at least 1.


 I think I used that word once.
NO,, you can't say it here, or even in GC.


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## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

Marshloft said:


> I think I used that word once.
> NO,, you can't say it here, or even in GC.


Honest, it's quite in vogue on the survival forum. I think you can talk about female dogs on the Pet forum. Not sure.


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## Spotted Owl (Jul 5, 2010)

OK just speaking as a guy for myself

Don't wonder or think. Instead ASK. Strait out ASK, don't beat around the bush or dillydally with neat ways to word things just ASK. Cause if I have something you can be darned sure that's what I'm gonna do. BUT. ASK the questions you want answered. If I'm asked that is what I will answer. Don't go fishing with a question to use the answer in what you were really wanting to know. Example, that was on this board the other day, if you ask what I took for lunch I will tell you, with out even thinking that you were really wanting to know what I ate for lunch that day. Nothing hidden at all I just answered what was asked with out thinking about what you might have been fishing for. I have no "code" in my thoughts, questions, answers or speaking. DON'T ask questions and then be upset about the answer you may get or if you get and answer you didn't like. I don't always have a lot of tact in my thought to speech conversions.

I am not afraid at all of confrontation, I will stand toe to toe and nose to nose, BUT. I don't like being spotlighted or blindsided. Secret, I'm a guy sometimes I look for a wizzing/confrontation match just to get the blood pumping at times.....SSHHHHH. Don't tell OK. That is with other guys though, most fish, bigger set of horns, a challenge is a good thing for me. Challenge yes, "games" no. I don't like games anymore than anyone else does. That said I don't do well with nagging, whinning or berating. Now there will be times I ask you to handle something because I know it will be better handled and the out come much more pleasant for all involved. If their is no wizzing back and forth at times in a union then someone is a sheep and have rolled over, that ain't me at all and I certainly hope it's not you either. What a miserable life that would be for BOTH involved.

I'm a guy, for the most part, I don't feel, I think. If you were to ask what I feel about something, I will probably shrug my shoulders and grunt in some way that I don't feel anything. If you were to ask about my thoughts on a matter I will tell you what I think about it. 

I can actually multitask. Personally I do better talking to someone when I am doing something at the same time. Don't know why, BUT. If I don't have to think about it directly I can communicate it better and with you better. Not disrespectful just me. I am usually thinking about other things while I am talking about this or that anyway.

I am a big time fixer. If it's busted or not right it needs fixing. If you don't want a fix tell me that before you unload your problems of the day on me. However please do unload them on me, that's what I am for as your guy. I will still want to fix them though, so be ready no matter how hard I try. I slip up now and then.

I will defend my family to the death. I have I have been in very hot water over this before at work. I can think of one time I had a guy off the ground by his throat up against a snag for spouting off after being warned to back down. I have talked to the cops(cuffed) before after someone touched my son and my at the time wife. Please don't test this, because I will pass this test with flying colors every time! I have VERY, VERY high standards/expectations as to how my family will be treated, talked about/to and dealt with.

I am a Dad. I live my life as an example to my kids(and anyone else who may be looking). For my son to know what a guy is supposed to be and do in life and in a family and how to treat others, especially the weaker vessels. To my daughter to see what a guy should be and what she should be looking for in such. How she should be treated and what to expect. 

I AM NOT A MIND READER, CODE BREAKER, OR ANY OF THE LIKE. I don't expect you to be either. Everything is not always MY fault any more than it is YOUR fault. It's OUR fault. Don't bring in more than is there and at the same time don't take away from what is there.

BUT, I am a guy and I like to be silly and goofy like a kid at times too. I make mistakes and I'm sure I still have a few whoppers left in me. I'm sure I don't know every time either is happening at the time.

I am a guy. either you are OK with that or you are not. Let me be a guy. Don't try to turn me into something YOU think is what I should be or want. We have enough panty waist males now days. I don't want anything to do with them. Especially by becoming a heck pecked shell of what I should be. I don't want to change you, please don't try to change me. Take me for what I am and what I say. Also don't be surprised if the rough and tumble comes out now and then when perhaps it should maybe not have so much. 

I'll be the guy. You be the lady. Kinda works well that way, kinda the way things were designed to work.

I'm a guy, in many ways I am just as breakable as you are. You just may not see the cracks before chunks start falling off.



Owl


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## SilverFlame819 (Aug 24, 2010)

I don't THINK this has anything questionable in it...... It applies to this conversation though.

[YOUTUBE]FryOjV7J4lQ[/YOUTUBE]


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

I really like a guy I can just ask a straightforward question to. And expect a straightforward, honest answer. I can take it.


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## Evons hubby (Oct 3, 2005)

SilverFlame819 said:


> We don't always have to be right even if we are right?
> 
> MAN! That's where I'm screwing up.


I have maintained for years that when you know you are right... beyond any doubt... the best thing you can do is apologize to her immediately.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

...

I have *spots* in my eyes.

...


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## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

Yvonne's hubby said:


> I have maintained for years that when you know you are right... beyond any doubt... the best thing you can do is apologize to her immediately.


 
Is this another way of saying - what's the goal here, to end the argument or be right?

Jackie


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## SilverFlame819 (Aug 24, 2010)

I know it's ridiculous, but I just hate when people are wrong and continue to argue, thinking they're right. Everyone I know knows that I won't argue unless I'm positive I'm right. Saying, "I'll bet you" usually shuts them up. (Most people only make the mistake of betting me once... A few stubborn folks have made the mistake of betting me more than once.)

For me, it's not about the fact that I'm right and you're wrong. It's about the fact that it's frustrating to me that people won't have a clue what they're talking about, and they just want to argue. WHY?

When my close friends and I have a disagreement about something, I have learned to just smile and shut my mouth. (They always find out later, without my help, that they were wrong, and come back and admit to me that they were wrong...) Of course, this now translates as, "You are wrong, but you'll see" to them. As soon as I shut my mouth and smile, I get the angry, "ARGH! I'm wrong, aren't I?!" reaction now... *lol* I just can't win! Either I prove that they're wrong, or I say absolutely nothing and shut my mouth, but either way it makes them angry, and either way, they're still wrong in the end (which has GOT to be frustrating... But if you don't KNOW you're right, why are you arguing?!)...


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## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

Some people can't seem to ,or won't, stop themselves - they just need the last word.

I don't like to argue, I don't have to be right either, and sometimes I'm wrong. When I argue, its to come to a resolution, not be right. You can be right, but if the other person is still hurt or angry, you haven't gained anything except being right, and you already had that.

Jackie


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

mekasmom said:


> All men are little boys sometimes, immature, selfish, unable to face problems head on,enjoying play more than other things.


That is human nature, and applies to women too.
The difference here is this: having "moments" like what you have described, and LIVING like what you have described.



> And all women are whiny, nagging, shrew-like, and controlling sometimes. It is just a fact of life that we are all human, and every human has those gender related faults at times.


And men can be whiny, nagging, shrew-like, emotionally manipulating.
Immaturity and selfishness knows no gender.



> The goal is to tame our tongues enough to get through the *momentary* "human" faults and move on


I whole heartedly agree......when 'human faults' are 'momentary'.



> You have to look beyond the faults, and love him for what is good about him/her. We have to deny ourselves a little bit at times. We do not always have to have our way in every decision


Well absolutely. 
That's the 'give and take' theory behind all relationships.
In a healthy relationship, this will happen between a man and a woman who are committed to each other, and committed to the covenant.
Unfortunately, in an unhealthy relationship, one will take advantage of the others 'ability to deny themselves, and look past the faults'.....for their own personal gain.



> We do not have to always have the last word. And we do not always have to be right even if we are right.


The last word game is for children.
I cannot imagine being in a relationship where one or both 'had to have the last word'.....
However.
In a healthy relationship, the one who is "right" should be humble enough to walk away....KNOWING the one who is wrong is invested enough in the other to come back and say "I'm sorry, you were right".
That's a two way street.

Letting poor behavior hang around in a marriage, opens doors for worse behavior. The longer you leave it unchecked, the worse it gets.



> And we need to be sure we all look in the mirror and see our own short-comings too. It is never all the other person's fault when we have strife in a relationship.


Amen to that. It takes two to tango.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Spotted Owl said:


> OK just speaking as a guy for myself
> 
> *Don't wonder or think. Instead ASK. Strait out ASK, don't beat around the bush or dillydally with neat ways to word things just ASK. *Cause if I have something you can be darned sure that's what I'm gonna do. BUT. ASK the questions you want answered. If I'm asked that is what I will answer. Don't go fishing with a question to use the answer in what you were really wanting to know. Example, that was on this board the other day, if you ask what I took for lunch I will tell you, with out even thinking that you were really wanting to know what I ate for lunch that day. Nothing hidden at all I just answered what was asked with out thinking about what you might have been fishing for. I have no "code" in my thoughts, questions, answers or speaking. DON'T ask questions and then be upset about the answer you may get or if you get and answer you didn't like. *I don't always have a lot of tact in my thought to speech conversions.*
> *
> ...


Ok Owl, I figured it out.
I think I am part dude.
All that I highlighted? Is me.....It's how I operate, it's me....
I wish you could meet my kids.....
You would know inside a 10 min conversation with each of them that I am not lying or stretching the truth....
I am a female version of you.

HOWEVER your comments should bring hope to all single women in the world that there ARE REAL men out there!! :clap::clap::clap:


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## Guest (Dec 13, 2012)

I grew up mostly around boys...consequently, I was never taught the "codes" and what comes out of my mouth is exactly what I think..tell me your problems and I will instantaneously come up with several methods to make them better. 

The only time I bat my eyes is when I have a gnat in one of them..

I have no hidden agendas...sometimes, I wish I had that coy gene..sometimes..


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I used to know a redhead girl from Ireland who had grown up in the middle of seven brothers. That girl was a hoot!  Just didn't want to make her mad. Lol


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## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

bostonlesley said:


> I grew up mostly around boys...consequently, I was never taught the "codes" and what comes out of my mouth is exactly what I think..tell me your problems and I will instantaneously come up with several methods to make them better.
> 
> The only time I bat my eyes is when I have a gnat in one of them..
> 
> I have no hidden agendas...sometimes, I wish I had that coy gene..sometimes..


 
I've often thought my understanding of the opposite sex was hindered because I had no brothers or father at home while growing up.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Spotted Owl said:


> OK just speaking as a guy for myself
> 
> Don't wonder or think. Instead ASK. Strait out ASK, don't beat around the bush or dillydally with neat ways to word things just ASK. Cause if I have something you can be darned sure that's what I'm gonna do. BUT. ASK the questions you want answered. If I'm asked that is what I will answer. Don't go fishing with a question to use the answer in what you were really wanting to know. Example, that was on this board the other day, if you ask what I took for lunch I will tell you, with out even thinking that you were really wanting to know what I ate for lunch that day. Nothing hidden at all I just answered what was asked with out thinking about what you might have been fishing for. I have no "code" in my thoughts, questions, answers or speaking. DON'T ask questions and then be upset about the answer you may get or if you get and answer you didn't like. I don't always have a lot of tact in my thought to speech conversions.
> 
> ...


I love this ^^^....and your honesty.


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## mekasmom (Jan 19, 2010)

Yvonne's hubby said:


> I have maintained for years that when you know you are right... beyond any doubt... the best thing you can do is apologize to her immediately.


And that makes a happier marriage, doesn't it? or at least an easier one. LOL


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## Evons hubby (Oct 3, 2005)

mekasmom said:


> And that makes a happier marriage, doesn't it? or at least an easier one. LOL


It works fer me!


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Security to me is my semi automatic with full magazine hot with one in the pipe in its holster with two spare magazines under my armpit and my 38 snub revolver on my ankle as back up.

Everything else is just comforts and luxuries of life to me.


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