# "Here, Hold My Beer!" and Other Misbegotten Declarations



## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

Just a lighthearted exercise. 

There are some phrases that, upon their utterance, do not bode well for a pleasant outcome. They pretty much announce an impending disaster. We're all familiar with the one in the thread title. I can think of a few others:

"I used to do this all the time!"

and

"We'll never get caught!"

and

"How hard can it be?"

Can you think of others?


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Ya buy the ticket, U take the ride.


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## no really (Aug 7, 2013)

I saw it on youtube, it's easy..


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

"I've got an idea!"


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Got to admit, I have learned MORE from the simple phrase, "How hard can it be?"...the learning being, just how hard it CAN be! And branched learning out into areas I had never considered before. So, not all bad.

I think "Watch me!" is right up there with the OOPS! factor.

Mon


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

There's a cop behind us, don't turn around


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

Follow me !


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

"You worry too much."


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## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

What's the worst that could happen?


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

"Trust Me"


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## sewtlm (Mar 22, 2006)

"I got 4-wheel drive"


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

"It's foolproof!"


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Jus cause it happened to him, it aint gonna happen to me


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Front wheel drives don't get stuck.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

"Only one way to find out..."


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Ill put more propellent in this toy rocket, and shell go way higher. (This happened last week.


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## tamarackreg (Mar 13, 2006)

You think too much.


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## LuLuToo (Dec 19, 2015)

Let's just add a little bit of lighter fluid to that fire!

LuLu


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

Of course it's true! I learned it on the internet.


.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

"I do."


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## LonelyNorthwind (Mar 6, 2010)

I promise


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

It's not loaded.

Sometimes you have to pump the brakes a couple of times.

The creeks not that high.

I'm going to drop the tree right there. You don't have to move the truck.

I air split rims up all the time without a cage.

We can make it across before the bull gets close.

It always makes that noise.

I can handle that goose.

I don't need blocks, I won't be under it that long.

Reach your hand in there and grab it out.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

"I'm a natural athlete."


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## Clem (Apr 12, 2016)

Any time you need a ride give me a call.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I can take it, Im a tough ole fart.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

"I can do this with my eyes closed."


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

He don't bite.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

She just needs a little tender loving care.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Just one won't hurt you.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

"I saw how to do this once in a cartoon..."


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I'll be right back.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

"It'll only hurt for a second."


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## Clem (Apr 12, 2016)

I can handle this.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

"I swear on my mama's grave!"


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

"I got yer back."


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

"Of course I turned the power off!"


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

We're just friends, like brother and sister. Ewww!"


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

ROFL, ok, vicker, that was ba-a-a-d!!!

"We don't need a doggone map."


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Let me do all the talking, and well get outta this


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

"That means he likes ya"


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

"It's only another 20 miles to the next gas station. We'll make it."


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

We've been around. Haha!


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

They're friends of mine.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

What!? Bo, he'll yeah I hit permission!


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

ROFL, some of you seem really well versed in these!!


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Your secret is safe with me.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I've got the keys.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

They won't be home till --:00


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

It's suppose to taste like that.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

That's just the wind.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

This is how my mamma did it.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

It scares me, how many of these I've heard.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

It ain't loaded.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Do you really think I'd come way out here and not bring the keys?


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

"I double-dog dare you."


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

"I'm sure it's deep enough."


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I know the owner.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

[content deleted]l, it ain't even knee deep.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

"If it was dangerous, it wouldn't be legal."


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

They ain't no snakes in here.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

If you don't bother them, they won't bother you.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

"I think it's asleep."


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

You have to tap it softly, like this...


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

It'll fall that way.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I'm pretty sure this will work.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

That ain't mine!


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

How hard can it be?


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Well ain't she cute.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

It's not the same as talcum, but it'll work.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

You may feel se discomfort.


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## Nimrod (Jun 8, 2010)

He's more afraid of you than you are of him.

The ice is thick enough.


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

"Mind over matter, ain't mine,don't matter!"


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

We're here to help.
Your recovery shouldn't take long.
The Doctor will be in any minute.
This will make that work better.
It's a routine procedure.
You want to get better don't you?.
Now you will just feel a little pressure.
We're feeling much better now aren't we?

Bunch of lyin bastages, I could go on and on about the Medical Profession.


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## tamarackreg (Mar 13, 2006)

Stand back while I whip this out!


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

I'll stop whenever you tell me to!


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

Oh, it happens all the time.


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

But I Love You!


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## LisaBug (Oct 13, 2002)

Keep the tires out of the ruts and you'll make it through.

Don't stop until you get on solid ground.

Those rungs are solid.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Go entertain yourself....


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

What's that smell. ?


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

She's got a great personality.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

I'll set you up with her sister


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

We are out of that but this will work


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

How fast will that go


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Can we get this in the plane?


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Looks kind of short you sure we can land there ?


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Did you hear that ?


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

The Dog did it.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Oh-oh.....

Mon


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Yeah, your not supposed to use this cartridge in this old a gun, but they made them stronger in the old days, just in case.


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

Mais cher! I think I'll pick up that cute lil' baby gator and take it home...Mama Gator is nowhere around...



.


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

It tastes like Chicken.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

smells like fish, tastes like chicken lol.


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

Come on in, the water is just right!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

So you cant swim. The waters chin deep out to 50ft.


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## D-BOONE (Feb 9, 2016)

When the guy hunting with the elephant gun turns and says"whats a deer look like again?":shocked::shocked::run:


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## D-BOONE (Feb 9, 2016)

EVERYBODY ELSE IS DOING IT:hammer:


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## D-BOONE (Feb 9, 2016)

Let me show ya how to do it!!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

AHH she only looks like that to make you THINK shes mad.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Dare ya to cop a feel. Girls really like it, they just don't want to let you know.


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## D-BOONE (Feb 9, 2016)

Stand back I am a professional


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## D-BOONE (Feb 9, 2016)

Whatcha think about........:hammer:


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## D-BOONE (Feb 9, 2016)

I only had 1 beer......


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

OK so you can drink White lightenin. Lets see whatcha do with Ta kill ya


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

"Yeah, it's fine. I checked it twice."


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## tamarackreg (Mar 13, 2006)

One more


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

It sure is quiet tonight (never say this at work)


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

rkintn said:


> It sure is quiet tonight (never say this at work)


ROFL, awesome one, *Rhonda*!! Ain't it the truth??


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

We are making good time.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

What could go wrong?


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

I don't NEED directions, I know where I am!

Mon


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I guarantee you I can lay that tree between the house and the car. PLENTY o room


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

So were onna hill in the rain looking for the cows. This bigga pasture, hows lightening gonna hit you or me?


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

Here, have some! It's not too spicy-hot...



.


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## tamarackreg (Mar 13, 2006)

He doesn't buck, bite or kick.....


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## Clem (Apr 12, 2016)

I'm not an alcoholic or anything, I just really like drinking.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

And I can stop anytime I want to,


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## OffGridCooker (Jan 29, 2010)

Just one more wafer thin slice!


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

tamarackreg said:


> He doesn't buck, bite or kick.....


I heard that is credited to the best horse trader ever known as he sold a horse that had dropped over dead 10 minutes before the potential buyer arrived


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

LOL. And hes tame.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Just floor it.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

This one horse town? Cops are never out this time a night


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I think I can make it.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

"Make it a double."


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Lol! I'll never forget a lesson I learned in S. Korea. I'd stopped in a little bar in the way home from work, had a couple of beers and needed to use the facilities. Those were out the back, through a little courtyard. As I was walking by, I saw a little puppy sitting in an open peach crate. He wasn't much bigger than a mouse. As I was passing I reached my finger out to touch it on the nose. That little puppy of a ***** liked to have gnawed why while finger off in about .35 seconds. I bet that thing but me ten times. I had to laugh, but I had a terribly mangled finger.  Darn little needle teeth.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Sometimes things are a lot bigger than the look. 
Sorry for all the typos in that above post. It won't let me edit. Says my title is too long. Vicker ain't very long.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

It's ok. We read Typo.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I'll be quiet as a mouse.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

vicker said:


> I'll be quiet as a mouse.


LOL, that one probably goes hand in hand with, "You'll never know we were here."


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

They couldn't hit the broad side of a barn from there.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

There may be a little ice on that side of the mountain, but it won't be bad.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Oh sure, sure. Yall'll be fine. Suppose be blue sky and sunshine all day long.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Well, how hot can it get?


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

"Trust me. I know the way."


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

And how can we not mention;
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

It's just a couple of miles.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Alright! This thing is **** proof!


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Yeah, it's a little red.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

There may be a bit of a learning curve.


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

I'll be ready in just a little minute, cher!


.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

"We don't need to measure. Just drop that turkey in there!"


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

When your in a Civil War Reenactment, the fields usually really small, so you almost HAVE to stand in front of the cannon. They wont hurt you.


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## Nsoitgoes (Jan 31, 2016)

vicker said:


> It's just a couple of miles.


When I first arrived in the US, from London where there is always a liquor store within a 5 minute walk, I was in Dallas. I asked the guy at the front desk where the nearest liquor store was and he said "Just down the road". Three dry counties later...


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

lol. Is there but one in Bristow?


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## Nsoitgoes (Jan 31, 2016)

I think there is just the one, Bill. If I need alcohol I buy it in Tulsa. I drink so rarely that it has been probably 18 months since I bought any, and my liquor cabinet is still pretty full...


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

"Don't worry. I won't forget."


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## Clem (Apr 12, 2016)

Have we met?


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## tamarackreg (Mar 13, 2006)

That can't be my kid


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Now, when you pick up that round bale, raise it high enough so that you can see good underneath it.


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## summerdaze (Jun 11, 2009)

"This meeting should last ABOUT an hour".......

(At a work meeting) "Speak freely! There ARE no bad ideas!"


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Hold this nail. Ill show you I can drive a nail with my eyes shut.


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## tamarackreg (Mar 13, 2006)

I'll put this right here where I'll always remember where it is


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