# Homeschooling again...kinda long...



## KayJay (Oct 3, 2006)

Well, here I am again... lol. A bit of background:
My son started kindergarten at a public school in California in Summer 2006, things were working very poorly so I took him out about halfway through and started homeschooling him, which worked out great. We moved to Wyoming in the late spring of 2007, and since everyone I talked to raved about the schools in our area, and my son wanted to go to public school again, I enrolled him in first grade at the local elementary school. People neglected to tell me that what they meant by "great schools" was that the schools push most kids beyond their ability and expect more from a first grader than even I was doing as a third grader, and I was considered a gifted student. Not to mention my always wonderfully sweet, well behaved son has started to turn into an impolite, argumentative little [deleted by mod]. It's pretty much the same situation here as it was in California, in that his teacher(s) tell me that he can't do things that he very obviously can (like knowing letters and numbers, reading certain words, adding/subtracting, etc). I've had periodic talks with my son about homeschooling again in the hopes of convincing him that it's what's best for him, because, even though the ultimate decision is mine, I don't want him to be against it, because I know he won't learn if he doesn't want to do it. I explained to him all the benefits and all the things he'd be able to do if homeschooling, and asked him what it was he liked so much about public school that we couldn't make up for in some other way. I told him that when we got his 2nd quarter report card I'd make a decision. Well, his report card came last week, and what do you know.... once again the report card (which actually comes with an explanation of why your child got the grades they did, which I think is great) shows that he is unable to do things that I know for certain he is able to do, so what gives? He wanted to know what the report card said, so I showed it to him and explained it all. His reponse? "I hate public school! I don't want to go back to that place! They said I can't do those things and I can! Mommy, I want to do homeschool again!" Soooo, here I am starting all over again. There was a link before on here showing guidelines for what your child show know at each grade level (I just want to use it as a guideline  ) but I can't seem to find it. Can anyone help? And thanks for listening/reading.


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## Happy Palace (Sep 21, 2007)

I don't have the link (I'm kind of new here), but I wanted to welcome you back "home". What an awful experience for your son to be discouraged like that so early in his education. My son is in preschool for just this year and his sisters and I can't wait to bring home & love and teach him ourselves. (((hugs to you both))).


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## ovsfarm (Jan 14, 2003)

IMO, you should contact your son's former ps teacher and ask her why he was thought not to have the skills that he was consistently demonstrating to you. Not in an accusatory fashion, but to gain insight into what happened. Perhaps he has trouble working in a group setting, or was feeling lots of performance anxiety, or even being bullied. I would want to know what the problem was so that I could address it, whether homeschooling or not.

Also, please use caution about bouncing back and forth between educational methods whenever one isn't working or something greener appears on the other side of the fence. Few educational options can be realistically evaluated in less than a year of application. Important skills will fall between the cracks between the different schooling methods and you may get some ugly surprises later when working on incremental skills only to find that your child missed out on crucial information in first grade by switching options in mid-stream and that is causing big headaches for learning the more advanced material. Be sure all the fundamental bases get covered.

And finally, I would first gather information, then make a decision and then inform a child of your ds' age what was going to happen. I don't think early elem. level kids should have much input into issues that they cannot fully grasp. What color of bowl for breakfast, fine. But not the bigger issues. I would ask the child why they did like ps or hs, what they thought the problem was, etc. but I would not put them into the position of having a substantial say in the decision making. That is a responsibility too great for them to handle. And then you have to deal with the fall-out of them wanting to change their mind again at the first spot of difficulty in the new system. I would say, "I talked to your teachers, I looked at your grades, I listened to what you had to say, I evaluated what I saw of your skills, and this is what I have decided we will do...". Don't be afraid to take charge, it gives most kids a feeling of security knowing that a loving parent is making good choices for them when they aren't able to make those wise choices themselves.


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## KayJay (Oct 3, 2006)

First of all, thanks for the responses. 
Thank you, Happy Palace, for the welcome and the hugs. 


ovsfarm said:


> IMO, you should contact your son's former ps teacher and ask her why he was thought not to have the skills that he was consistently demonstrating to you. Not in an accusatory fashion, but to gain insight into what happened. Perhaps he has trouble working in a group setting, or was feeling lots of performance anxiety, or even being bullied. I would want to know what the problem was so that I could address it, whether homeschooling or not.


I have actually been in constant contact with his teacher about this, and that is how I came to the conclusion that it's simply being in a public school setting (especially one that pushes the kids so hard) that has been detrimental. I do know what has been going on, I certainly wouldn't have made this decision just because and without determining what the issues were, though I appreciate your insight. 


> Also, please use caution about bouncing back and forth between educational methods whenever one isn't working or something greener appears on the other side of the fence. Few educational options can be realistically evaluated in less than a year of application. Important skills will fall between the cracks between the different schooling methods and you may get some ugly surprises later when working on incremental skills only to find that your child missed out on crucial information in first grade by switching options in mid-stream and that is causing big headaches for learning the more advanced material. Be sure all the fundamental bases get covered.


I agree wholeheartedly with using caution when bouncing back and forth, and that is why I've decided that there will be no more public school, period, not even if he wants to. The only reason he went back at all was because it was a whole new area, and although it turns out that the school here is no more beneficial to my son, it is in fact very different and much better than in California. I've also been in contact with his teacher about where they are in class so I can make the transition as easy as possible and make sure nothing important is left out.



> And finally, I would first gather information, then make a decision and then inform a child of your ds' age what was going to happen. I don't think early elem. level kids should have much input into issues that they cannot fully grasp. What color of bowl for breakfast, fine. But not the bigger issues. I would ask the child why they did like ps or hs, what they thought the problem was, etc. but I would not put them into the position of having a substantial say in the decision making. That is a responsibility too great for them to handle. And then you have to deal with the fall-out of them wanting to change their mind again at the first spot of difficulty in the new system. I would say, "I talked to your teachers, I looked at your grades, I listened to what you had to say, I evaluated what I saw of your skills, and this is what I have decided we will do...". Don't be afraid to take charge, it gives most kids a feeling of security knowing that a loving parent is making good choices for them when they aren't able to make those wise choices themselves.


I understand what you're saying here, and I think you may have misunderstood what I was saying. I did not let him make the decision, the decision was made for him, and I explained to him that I would make the decision when the time came. I did explain things to him ahead of time in hopes that he would understand, it just makes everyone happier and makes things much easier when he understands why I've chosen this path for him rather than it being something we don't agree on. I didn't say, "Ok, we're going to homeschool now because you want to". I had already told him that I would be making a decision by the end of the weekend, and this past weekend I let him know that I had decided to homeschool him. What I did say was essentially what you said you would say.  I suppose I could have explained more thoroughly, but I didn't want to make my long post any longer. That'll teach me to take shortcuts, eh? lol Anyway, thanks a bunch for your valuable insight.


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## ovsfarm (Jan 14, 2003)

Sorry if I misinterpreted your op. Sounds like you have covered all your bases.

There's a whole series of books called What Your (First) Grader Needs To Know. I think the author's name is Hirsch. They have them for all the grades. You can get them from the library. You also might try contacting your local ps district about a website that has your state's scope and sequence or benchmarks and indicators, or whatever terms are popular in your state for what the ps kids are doing. Here in Ohio I can go online and find out exactly what skills are slated for teaching at what grade levels. (Keep in mind, of course, that not all ps students "get" all these skills perfectly, that is why there is lots of overlap from one grade to another.) If for some reason your state doesn't have this, you can easily use another state's info!

Whenever I am doing something in an extremely ecclectic manner, I will consult the ps s/s to see if I have forgotten anything or am trying to work way off grade level. I use their stuff as a guideline, not as a set of absolutes. For example, if my dd isn't ready for a particular skill when the ps would have taught it, I will usually start a file folder and toss in book ideas, activity sheets, or whatever I see that I could use, and then review it at the end of each 6 months to decide if she is ready for it yet, and I have all my stuff ready to go. Our problem area tends to be that of sequence. When they are studying American history, for example, is the year we are studying ancient history, so I just make note of what they did and save it until we are ready for that time period.

You might want to try to get involved with a local hs support group, for several reasons. They are aware of any administrative or legal hassles in your area. They have lots of experience and can advise you during rough spots. They usually have multiple play dates and field trips so that you can easily cover the need for socialization. And best of all, they usually have a used curriculum sale at the end of each school year! That way, you can look at and try various options without risking large sums of money on things that you later find you both hate.


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## KayJay (Oct 3, 2006)

Thanks again ovsfarm! I had never thought of looking online to see if the public schools had their stuff on there, I will spend some time looking into that! Great ideas, thanks so much!  I have looked into support groups, and I can only find one in my state, and though they don't require it of members, council people have to sign a statement of faith, and I'd really rather look for a group that isn't going to be faith based (nothing at all against it, I just don't want it for us), but we'll see, maybe I can try to start my own group.


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