# How Much Should Children Help



## Piney Woods

I'm not sure what to do. Approaching early retirement age with several disabilities. It's all I can do to drag myself out of bed each morning but I do. Looking forward to retiring. Here's the catch - I have very little saved for retirement. I was a single mom for most of my kids' lives and raised them with very little financial help. Helped raise one grandson for a few years and have helped older daughter with groceries, child care, etc. She was a single mom to three kids. Younger daughter has done well for herself, married a well-to-do man. Take several vacations a year in addition to a big house, nice cars, etc. They spent over $30,000 last year remodeling their master bath. I'm happy for her. But....

all my life, I thought I could count on younger daughter to help me when I get old and/or need help. We both know older daughter will never have a pot to pee in but she helps physically when she can. Younger daughter has even said - from the age of 8 up through last year - that she will "take care of me" or "help me". Now that it's getting close, I'm having the face the fact that I can't count on her. When I got laid off last year due to my age, I lived with her for five months trying to find a job. Don't ever want to live inside her house again and I don't think she'd ask me unless I was in dire straits. Son-in-law says no way can I put a yard barn in the back and live there - they do have a small lot. And I do have three rescue Chihuahuas. One is elderly and will be gone soon. I won't replace them when they pass away. They give me so much love and companionship. Both daughters want me to get rid of most or all of the dogs.

Younger daughter is pressuring me hard to rent an apartment near her - which I would love but even though they are less expensive than where I'm living now, I would have to keep working until I die. I have fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis and am in severe pain all the time. And I'm tired of working. Have worked since before I was a teenager (about to turn 62). My sister died when she was 67, both parents when they were 71. 

I have a lake lot paid for two hours from the city but nothing on it. The bylaws are pretty easy - I could do an RV, park model, yard barn 400-599 square feet. But it's two hours away. I realize if the time comes that I am truly unable to care for myself I'll have to move in with her or something. 

So I think it boils down to working until I die to pay for a subsidized apartment near my daughter or living a couple of hours away and not working. Nothing within an hour to hour and a half drive is affordable in this big city.

I welcome your thoughts, ideas, suggestions. Need help figuring this out.


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## whiterock

I really don't know the answer to your question. I'm 66. Live on the place I greew up on. City limits is now on or will be in a month on my property line. I used to live 6 miles from the city limits. I'm south of Dallas. Growth is huge. I find I'm more alone now than ever. Live alone. Son in Nebraska, daughter in town to the south. MOst friends too busy to spend time . Thinking when growth drives me off this place I'll have to go to a smaller town. Don't want to get too far away from my trusted Drs. Would have to find a more affordable place, would want smaller town. That would put me away from the friends I have, farther from kids. Hard decision. 

I would have to have help of some kind it I moved off, but would it have to be kids, or hired? You have to make decision based on your needs and wants, no one can tell you what to do. I think I would go where it is more affordable, that would be the lake in your case, for the time being anyway. Then if you have to go to another place later, you would have to make another decision. NOt a pleasant thought, I understand that.


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## Terri

I have some ideas.

1. Rejoice you live in America

2. How much will your SS be? Is it greater or lesser than what you've been living on now? What will it be if you work until you are 65-66? 

3. What about medicare/ medicaide and such? Some nursing homes and retirement homes will take your government benefits and give you $25 spending money back, and everything is paid for. Though after you pass the government will then want your assets. My MIL went this route. 

4. Do you qualify for Section 8 housing? Requirements vary from state to state.

5. Lastly look at Mr. Money Mustache. I wish I hade seen it earlier (I am your age) but I did not. It is still a good read, as people share how to retire at age 30 by savingnd investing money. Some of the things they do-like walking instead of drivng- are not practical for me as I am handicapped, but it still has some ideas that can be useful.


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## COSunflower

Check now to see what your SS benefits would be if you took early SS at 62. That is what i did. Then check to see if it qualifies you for subsidized apts. that cost according to your income. You can really cut back if you are not working. Don't have to buy as much gas, clothing, lunches etc. as before and will have the time to cook from scratch. Living on a limited budget is very doable - just requires some sacrifice and a lower standard of living.


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## Belfrybat

I have no kids and so have no one to depend on, so I can't help you there. 

I took SS at age 62 and worked part time on and off for a couple of years to meet medical expenses (I was on Christian Healthcare Ministries instead of traditional insurance so costs were lower). Best thing I ever did. I now live in a low income senior independent living apartment complex. Rent is $465.00 a month and includes water/ garbage pick up. My electricity bill averages $60.00 a month. So I have good housing for about half of my SS. There are folks living here who are also on Section 8 and pay as little as $200.00 for rent. 

Depending on the amount of your SS check, you should be able to get subsidized housing. Medical insurance might be expensive since you have several physical issues, but if you are close to a metropolitan area there are probably clinics that adjust the fee according to income. 

Long winded way of saying you are probably in better shape than you think. Just do some exploring.

I see you are in East Texas. Don't know how far you are from Nacogdoches, but the Senior Village there is run by the same owners that run the one I live in. They are very nice. 

Nacogdoches Senior Village
605 Harris St
Nacogdoches, Texas 75964
Ph: (936) 462-8688


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## pixiedoodle

we all seem to have similar issues as we age. we are still making house paymnets. if i was widowed i def. could not stay here nor do i want to. however senior living based on 30% of your income would leave me with not enough $$ to afford anything else beyond food & utilities. def no car, no supplemental F plan or drug plan. it's something we hould have worked out yrs ago but felt like we were never far enough ahead to get it done. well, here we/I am & i see nothing but trouble in the future. just do the best that you can with what you have. don't be in hurry, take your time. it will all work out in the end. maybe not like we think it should but it it all works out the way it was meant to be whetehr we like it or not. just go with the flow the best you can.


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## motdaugrnds

Piney Woods, I'm one who believes children should help their elderly parents all they can without harming themselves physically, emotionally, psychologically and/or financially. 

I have been on both sides of this issue. My mother developed a chronic illness called parkinsons disease; and I started tending to her needs in the early 90s. Her fear was that she'ld have to go to a nursing home and I promised her that would never occur. This was definately a hardship on me; yet I came up with a solution that would tend to my needs simultaneously, i.e. I put us on a small farm where I could grow our own foods. I did this without creating any debt and this made it possible to keep my promise to her even though our monetary aspect throughout all this was near poverty level. So, I as a child, saw helping my mother as a blessing and I highly valued the time I got to spend with her despite the turmoil of her illness.

Now I'm 75yrs old and living alone on that same farm. I only have one child who is a grown man now. I cannot depend on him even though I know he loves me. Thus "should" he help? Yes! Would he help? Yes! However, the price I would have to pay, which would be my peace of mind and Christian life style, prohibits his help. This of course means I, myself, am keeping my only child from helping.

We simply have to weigh the help we need with what we're willing to pay for it; and I'm not talking about financials nearly so much as the emotional/spiritual costs.

Knowing me, were I in your situation, I would opt for that land near the lake. Also, were my health as yours is, i.e. fibromyalgia and RA, I would raise a garden year round with a small orchard and "eat *only* live food in season". I would do this because doing such would keep your body akalined instead of acidic and it is purported such a diet would significantly diminish the pain if not totally getting rid of it. At any rate, my peace of mind is of more important to me than my physical comfort. Still not all can do such a thing; so, of course, this leaves you with the decision.


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## Maura

You don&#8217;t have to work until you die. Take your social security. _It&#8217;s yours,_ not a hand out. You can&#8217;t get Medicare, but maybe your DD would pay for your health insurance. She might agree to it if it meant you would move near her.


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## Piney Woods

Sorry, I've been away from my computer but I want to address the responses and give you an update.

I've been told I will receive $1,513 per month. Biggest problem is that I have a $565 car payment that I cannot get out from under on without filing bankruptcy which I don't want to do at this age. They make you pay everything off anyway. I know - stupid to have done it but I pay a little extra each month and have taken a big chunk out of the upside-down-ness I'm in.

Section 8 housing here has a 5 year + waiting list. Not even taking names any more. Subsidized apartments are the ones I think I listed - $589 and $637 per month. That's the least it will go. Plus electricity, internet and phone. I did check out the apartments in Nacogdoches - very nice. I think they are $434. They sure are far away - 1 1/2 hours farther of a drive than the already 2 hours from Dallas to the lake.

Doesn't matter how much I would make if I work to 66 and 7 months - I cannot work that long. I believe it would be about $400 more. 

Not ready for a nursing home yet and don't have Medicare anyway until I'm 65, and they've raised the rate for Part B to $134 for next year. I'm thinking about CHM for health insurance. I have RA and fibromyalgia but am allergic to almost all the drugs that help so the doctors can't do much but prescribe pills and I can't take them. 

I really like my lake lot but there is nothing on there. I did find a small house that is only 6 years old about an hour and a half away from Dallas. IF I can get a mortgage on it, it would be between $250-$300 a month. Something I think I can pay for even on just SS. Fenced yard, only 484 square feet. There are a couple of things I'd like to do to it but it's liveable just as it is. I could drive to work and live there a few months while I pay everything but my car off and put in raised beds so I can raise a lot of my food. It's five miles from an "emergency urgent care unit" and Walmart, etc. They also have a really good flea market on the weekend and I noticed several "local produce" stands. 

I think if I could rest, relax, get away from the stress and look after myself at my own pace, and eat well, I would feel much better. If I don't feel any better, well at least I won't have to drag myself to work - some days literally. I could shop at thrift stores if I need something - I'm not a big shopper.

Had a talk with daughter this weekend and have concluded I can't depend on her for much. I asked if she could just help with groceries, that if I could eat better I would feel better. She said "would this be every month or as needed?" Not the answer I wanted to hear, and then "Wait - are you saying you would have to budget in my help?" 

Last Christmas I asked her for 1-1 1/2 hours a month alone with one-on-one time, for coffee, visiting, etc. We've had my gift a couple of times but she's usually too busy. I suspect that time with me is what she'll miss most when I'm gone.

I don't think I can come up with all the down payment and closing costs for this house on my own - about $9,500 - if they require 20% down. Althought I may not even be able to get a mortgage that small. In that case, I may ask if they will owner-finance it.


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## FarmerJoe

Can you sell the lake property to get the down payment, buy the house, or pay off the car or some combination that is helpful?


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## Laura Zone 5

IMHO

Sell the lake lot.
Pay off the car.
Find an affordable home (affordable on SS) close to people, and buy it.
Do not, do not, rely on anyone to take care of you. 

We no longer live in a time where we take care of family; where we raise our children and then when we are aged, they care for us. That's just not reality anymore.


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## MDKatie

I agree, Laura. I am of the opinion that parents help their adult children only until they're at the age where they can be on their own (or pay rent if they need to live at home). I will not allow adult children to mooch off us because they're too lazy to bite the bullet and act like an adult. 

I will also not put our future in jeopardy by paying for college for adult children. If they want to go to college, they can save up/work through it or get loans to fund THEIR future. We will, of course, help them as much as we can...so if they want to live at home and work/go to school, they can do that rent-free. 

I also expect our parents to prepare for their future as much as they possibly can. If they own a home (or property), they are not "broke". Don't waste your money as an adult and then expect us to bail you out. JMHO. 

We are all able to plan for the future. It's coming whether we like it or not! And I sure don't mean to sound heartless, but we can't put our financial future in jeopardy if family members don't properly prepare for theirs.


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## Maura

If you take your social security you can still work. There is a limit, but between the two it may fit your needs. I agree with Laura. Sell the lake lot and use it for a down payment.

Is it possible to sit down with your well to do son in law and discuss your financial options? You need a financial planner, but someone you can trust.

Write up a will leaving a few momentoes to your &#8220;rich&#8221; daughter and everything else to your other daughter. it would not be fair to split everything in half, which is what will happen if you die without a will. Look for ways to avoid probate.


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## MDKatie

Piney Woods said:


> Biggest problem is that I have a $565 car payment that I cannot get out from under


That's a huge expense. Can't you sell the car and buy a more economical one? How much longer until the car is paid off?


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## Fishindude

I think it is wrong to expect your kids to help financially. If they choose to do so, be grateful and count your blessings, but don't expect anything. You have some options, but you need to take action. Suggestions:


Sell that lake lot for whatever you can get.
If you own your current residence, sell it for whatever you can get.
Work towards being pet free, it limits your housing options.
Have a yard sale or auction and get rid of any unnecessary belongings.
If you have a car, sell it for whatever you can get and eliminate that ongoing expense, use public transportation.

Don't know your particular situation, but in most communities their is income based, subsidized senior housing and public transportation available. If low enough income you can probably get on medicade. May also be able to get some Federal disability aid?

Tough decisions, but doing nothing is a worse option.


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## mrs whodunit

I'd work like crazy to get that car paid off and not make that mistake again. 

Sell the lake land and use that $ to pay off car.

After the car is paid off then start looking into a house that better fits your needs.


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## mnn2501

> Biggest problem is that I have a $565 car payment that I cannot get out from under on


What are you driving, a Lexus?
Why can't you sell it?


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## pixiedoodle

do what works best for YOU. you already know what you have & what you need. just find a middle & do what works best for yourself. always sounds easy when it's not you. you are the only person that can change your situation. again, do the best you can.


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## Terri

My disabled son lives on about $400 per month, not including his rent and utilities as he is in section 8 housing. Every few months they throw the waiting list open, and he had to wait for a year once he was on the waiting list. 

So, assuming you spent $600 per month on rent and sold the car, that would leave you $900 per month to live on. Could you manage on that?

My son does not have a car: I take him to the grocery store once a week. That about $400 per month he gets for his expenses is what I give him for helping me with my housework, as I am disabled myself. 

My area has a small bus that will come out to take the handicapped places for a reduced fee: you might see if you can do that instead of owning a car. I think you need to find out what your area offers for low-income seniors: you have paid taxes your entire life. You are entitled to those services! I believe in my area the reduced fee is $1.50 for 10 miles one way, which is way cheaper than running a car!

I believe it would be cheaper to sell your car at a loss, if you can. I do NOT know if you would have to pay the amount up front, or if they would take payments: I have never done this though I have heard of people who did. When my SIL used my MIL's credit to buy a car the dealership agreed to take it back and not charge her any repossession fees. Then they simply resold it. It was agreed that they would not refund MIL any of the 3 months she had paid, they would not charge her anything at all for the repossesion, and they would not bring charges against my SIL. 

So, if you call the place where you bought it, they might agree to take it back and resell it. I have no idea what (or if) they would charge you. But, that payment is a huge chunk of money for you! This year I bought a pretty little pickup in good condition with 100,000 miles on it, and my car payments are half of what yours are! I like the truck, and, I expect to get another 100,000 miles out of it.


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## Terri

OH! 

What I would do would be to find out how I could legally ditch the car, then rent the cheaper apartment near your daughter, and start on the retirement SS paperwork.

I know only a bit about how to legally get out from under the car. The dealership might take it back if you explain it is making a hardship for you, and if they would accept the difference in value between now and when you bought it I would see if they would accept low payments. 

Or I would sell it, after finding out what the dealership would insist on how you would pay off any balance. Possibly in payments? 

I would also check the bus routes near the new apartment, and not immediately buy a cheap car. 

Then, once you are on Obamacare and have the paperwork in *AND* your first SS check in your bank, retire.


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## Hiro

The biggest financial problem you seem to have is your car payment. That is quite a payment. How much is the loan principal and interest rate? How much is the car worth?

I am not an advocate of forgoing financial obligations freely entered into; but, depending on your answers to those questions, it may be in your interest to walk away, so to speak. Depending on the principal owed vs. the value of the car they may agree to a keys for note deal, rather than doing a repol. If you feel guilty considering that, they (whoever loaned the money on the car) are looking out for their best interests, so there is nothing wrong with you looking out for yours and inquiring.


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## Terri

Perhaps you could borrow the smallish amount between what you owe on the car and what it would bring? Or use a credit card for that amount?


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## Piney Woods

My car is a 2013 Honda mini van. I wanted to have a dependable car to get to work now, and one that I could camp in when I retire. I figured it would probably be the last car I bought. At the car dealership I called my son-in-law who is a CPA and the CFO of his company, ran the numbers by him, and he said it sounded like a good deal. I also wrongly assumed that no one would finance the car if the loan was way higher than the value of the car. A credit union financed it and then I found out I was $14,000 upside down. The dealer would not take the car back without a $12,000 to $14,000 cash up front payment. I pay extra every month and am now "only" $10,000 upside down. I have just under five years left on the note. Every other month I try to trade it in but I'm always too far upside down. If and when I am able to get out from under it, you can be sure I won't make the same mistake. I never had before.

I have to have transportation to get to work. There is no bus or train to my job, which took me forever to find because of my age. The apartment near my daughter is even further from work, with no public transportation there either.

When I lost my job in Missouri, my daughter said "sell everything and we'll help you get new stuff here. Just get home." So I sold everything, gave away what I couldn't sell and moved back to Texas. I am living like a minimalist with a bed, small chest of drawers and two chairs. Not much else left to sell. And I bought everything I have with no help from the "we".

I own a small home in Missouri and tried to sell it when I left but it wouldn't sell. So I rented it. Get more than the mortgage payment in rent. It is just now starting to build equity. I thought I had it sold a couple of months ago but the deal fell through. The tenant has a lease until June of 2017 so an investor would have to buy it, or someone willing to wait to move in. I thought I would ask the renter if they are interested in buying it. I will probably only clear $2,000 to $3,000 when it sells. Good money to be sure, but no gold mine.

So I rent an apartment in Dallas and the rent just keeps climbing. My lease is up in May. I did a lot of searching to find one this reasonable. Rent is ridiculous here, and home prices are even more so. 

Yes, I can work part time when I draw SS but the two subsidized apartments I found have strict limits on what you can earn, which is not much more than my SS. The rents for those two apartments are $589 and $657 respectively. That is the subsidized rent. 

fishindude, I will probably never be totally pet free. It's the only love and companionship I have. I have one very elderly dog. When she passes, I won't replace her. Then I'll have two. When one of them passes, I won't replace him/her and then I'll have one. If that one passes and I am still able, I'll probably get another single dog. Just so much love unconditionally.

Laura, I'm not sure what you mean to buy an affordable home, close to people. If you mean near MY people, that isn't going to happen. Nothing here in the Dallas area for a reasonable price. I have looked and looked and I have a Realtor looking as well. 

I can't file for disability because if you are working, you aren't disabled. If I quit work so I can file for disability, who will support me? It takes two or more years to get disability, IF you get it.

I updated my estate plan a few months ago - will, trust, power of attorney, etc. I have a decent life insurance policy with a little bit of cash value at this point. Any help with a down payment would be paid back when I die, if not before. 

The lake lot is worth about $4,000. Not enough to pay off the car, not enough for a down payment. The house I'm looking at is $38,000. If I can get a mortgage that small, they will most likely require a 20% down payment, plus closing costs. That's about $9,300. The death benefit of my insurance is $41,000. My daughter and son-in-law would not be putting their future in jeopardy by helping with the down payment or buying groceries. Their names wouldn't be on anything so if it all went belly up they wouldn't be affected.

As hard as it is, and as embarrassing as it is, I will probably sit down with my daughter and son-in-law, as she has suggested. I'm assuming he will be his usual arrogant self and make me feel like a heel. His mom and dad were married all their lives, both worked and didn't have financial problems. So when she sold her house, she had several hundred thousand dollars to play with. 

I do appreciate the comments and suggestions and well wishes. I think a lot of it is just getting used to the fact that she promised all those years and now that the time is here, it isn't going to happen.


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## Terri

It sounds like your SIL knows more about numbers than about cars! If you ever buy another car, I suggest you check the Kelly Blue Book value before you sign. In fact, you can watch the value on your van change. http://www.kbb.com/?psid=20000&siomid=v9xhcljc_dc|9312723206|kelley blue book|be|26285ajd51861 Because, while every new car drops in value when you drive it off the lot, DANG!

I do not think your family is going to give you cash. They did not when you moved, so......

As for a place to stay, have you seen this? http://caretakergazette.tumblr.com/ Basically, people who travel but do not want to leave their home empty will give someone a bedroom in exchange for keeping the place clean while they are gone, and because empty homes can be vandalized.

Edited to add: this is not a short term housesitting deal, this is long term A friend of mine styed in one place for a year.


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## FarmerJoe

Are you sure of the value of the lake property? That just seems low to me for any property that can be built on. Especially that close to a major city. Check with some relators for a current value. Your SIL didn't give you good advice on the car and I would be careful about the the sit down meeting as he may not have your best interest in mind. Good luck.


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## Terri

I had a thought......

Many years ago, when we tried to trade an older car in at a dealership, we were told they would either give us less than what the old car was worth r they would jack up the price of the car we were buying: which would we prefer?

We preferred to sell the old car ourselves by running an ad in the paper, as we ended up with more money that way.

You, too, might find it more profitable to sell the minivan yourself, rather than use it in a trade in.

Earlier this year, when the transmission went out on our old car, I went car shopping over a couple of weekends. I saw a used vehicle I REALLY liked, went home, and DH checked it on the Kelly Blue Book. We then went in, DH offered them what the Kelly Blue book said I was worth (over $1000 cheaper) and they accepted it. 

The fact that they accepted the offer of what the vehicle was worth tells me they paid LESS than what the vehicle was worth to the man who traded it in. Because the dealership is in business to make money off of cars, and they WOULD NOT have sold it at a loss or even at a break even price. 

So, I am pretty sure you would get more money if you sold the minivan yourself. That is my FREE advice, and it may be worth every penny you pay for it, LOL!


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## Belfrybat

> A credit union financed it and then I found out I was $14,000 *upside down*. The dealer would not take the car back without a $12,000 to $14,000 cash up front payment. I pay extra every month and am now "only" $10,000 *upside down*.


I'm not sure what you mean by the term "upside down". Is that the amount you still owe on the vehicle? If so, sell it and get something with more reasonable payments. I just purchased a brand new Kia Soul and my payments are $279.00 for a five year loan. 

At any rate, you've gotten some good advice on this thread. $1500.00 a month is plenty to live on if you get a subsidized apartment. I live on $1200.00 and do quite well.


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## Clem

Belfrybat, upside down on a loan means you owe more than it's worth. For instance, being $10,000 upside down on a car loan means that you owe $15,000 on a car that's only worth $5000. Here's an article on Kelly Blue Book about the problem: http://www.kbb.com/car-advice/articles/upside_down-on-a-loan/

There is not going to be an easy answer, short of winning the lottery. It may be worthwhile to consider living "pay as you go" and never buy anything you can't actually afford. If you need a car, save up for it, rather than go in debt.


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## painterswife

Sell the car *now*. Don't continue paying interest. Bite the bullet and pay it off. Then buy a cheap car. You should be ahead with in a few months instead of behind for years.


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## MDKatie

I find it very strange the credit union financed a car for $14,000 more than it's worth. Every time we've gotten a vehicle loan, the bank (or credit union) has used the NADA value of the car in determining loan amount. 

I have a very hard time thinking a bank loaned you that much more than the car is worth. Have you run a NADA estimate for it? Kelly Blue Book is ok, but I've never been to a bank or CU that uses it...they all use NADA.

http://www.nadaguides.com/


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## Laura Zone 5

Piney Woods said:


> My car is a 2013 Honda mini van. I wanted to have a dependable car to get to work now, and one that I could camp in when I retire. I figured it would probably be the last car I bought. At the car dealership I called my son-in-law who is a CPA and the CFO of his company, ran the numbers by him, and he said it sounded like a good deal. I also wrongly assumed that no one would finance the car if the loan was way higher than the value of the car. A credit union financed it and then I found out I was $14,000 upside down. The dealer would not take the car back without a $12,000 to $14,000 cash up front payment. I pay extra every month and am now "only" $10,000 upside down. I have just under five years left on the note. Every other month I try to trade it in but I'm always too far upside down. If and when I am able to get out from under it, you can be sure I won't make the same mistake. I never had before.


Did you buy this car in 2013 off the lot?
How much did you pay?
How much do you owe?

I owed a Honda mini van, and with 350,000 miles on it (and it was ROUGH) I sold it for 1000.00........they retain their value.



> I have to have transportation to get to work. There is no bus or train to my job, which took me forever to find because of my age. The apartment near my daughter is even further from work, with no public transportation there either.
> 
> When I lost my job in Missouri, my daughter said "sell everything and we'll help you get new stuff here. Just get home." So I sold everything, gave away what I couldn't sell and moved back to Texas. I am living like a minimalist with a bed, small chest of drawers and two chairs. Not much else left to sell. And I bought everything I have with no help from the "we".


You have transportation, and a job.
This is a great start.
Now you need affordable housing.



> I own a small home in Missouri and tried to sell it when I left but it wouldn't sell. So I rented it. Get more than the mortgage payment in rent. It is just now starting to build equity. I thought I had it sold a couple of months ago but the deal fell through. The tenant has a lease until June of 2017 so an investor would have to buy it, or someone willing to wait to move in. I thought I would ask the renter if they are interested in buying it. I will probably only clear $2,000 to $3,000 when it sells. Good money to be sure, but no gold mine.


You need to decide (1) keep it, and use it as a rental (which could be tricky cause you live 1000's of miles away; how would you know if they are trashing the place?) 
(2) Clean it up and sell it. Get that off your plate.



> So I rent an apartment in Dallas and the rent just keeps climbing. My lease is up in May. I did a lot of searching to find one this reasonable. Rent is ridiculous here, and home prices are even more so.


Dallas, is not cheap. Is there a small town outside of Dallas (30 min from your job) that you could investigate?



> Yes, I can work part time when I draw SS but the two subsidized apartments I found have strict limits on what you can earn, which is not much more than my SS. The rents for those two apartments are $589 and $657 respectively. That is the subsidized rent.
> 
> fishindude, I will probably never be totally pet free. It's the only love and companionship I have. I have one very elderly dog. When she passes, I won't replace her. Then I'll have two. When one of them passes, I won't replace him/her and then I'll have one. If that one passes and I am still able, I'll probably get another single dog. Just so much love unconditionally.


Dogs, are amazing Not only for their love and companionship, but they are your 'first alert' (barking at noises, strangers etc).



> Laura, I'm not sure what you mean to buy an affordable home, close to people. If you mean near MY people, that isn't going to happen. Nothing here in the Dallas area for a reasonable price. I have looked and looked and I have a Realtor looking as well.


Just people. So you can get to know neighbors, so that if God forbid something happens, you are not isolated in the woods all by yourself, but you have folks close that you can count on.



> I can't file for disability because if you are working, you aren't disabled. If I quit work so I can file for disability, who will support me? It takes two or more years to get disability, IF you get it.
> 
> I updated my estate plan a few months ago - will, trust, power of attorney, etc. I have a decent life insurance policy with a little bit of cash value at this point. Any help with a down payment would be paid back when I die, if not before.


Can you tap into your ex's SS? Are there laws in place where if you were married for X years, divorced, and you never remarried, that you can tap into and receive part of his SS?



> The lake lot is worth about $4,000. Not enough to pay off the car, not enough for a down payment. The house I'm looking at is $38,000. If I can get a mortgage that small, they will most likely require a 20% down payment, plus closing costs. That's about $9,300. The death benefit of my insurance is $41,000. My daughter and son-in-law would not be putting their future in jeopardy by helping with the down payment or buying groceries. Their names wouldn't be on anything so if it all went belly up they wouldn't be affected.


Did you have a qualified Real Estate Agent give you a quote on the property?
If you put 20% down, you will not have to pay PMI.
If you go FHA you can put down 3% and pay PMI. It's not that much, and it gets you in the home. When you re-fi, that PMI falls off.

Do not do not do not do not rely on daughter and SIL.
DO NOT.
Work this out like they live on the moon and are dirt poor.
Do not, rely on them, for anything.



> As hard as it is, and as embarrassing as it is, I will probably sit down with my daughter and son-in-law, as she has suggested. I'm assuming he will be his usual arrogant self and make me feel like a heel. His mom and dad were married all their lives, both worked and didn't have financial problems. So when she sold her house, she had several hundred thousand dollars to play with.


IMHO I would not.
Do not compare your life with anyone else's.
Play the cards you are dealt.



> I do appreciate the comments and suggestions and well wishes. I think a lot of it is just getting used to the fact that she promised all those years and now that the time is here, it isn't going to happen.


Yep. That sucks.
It sucks that people say one thing and do another.
It sucks more when it's your own flesh and blood.
Dig in, get this done w/o their help.
You can do this!!


----------



## Terri

MDKatie said:


> I find it very strange the credit union financed a car for $14,000 more than it's worth. Every time we've gotten a vehicle loan, the bank (or credit union) has used the NADA value of the car in determining loan amount.
> 
> I have a very hard time thinking a bank loaned you that much more than the car is worth. Have you run a NADA estimate for it? Kelly Blue Book is ok, but I've never been to a bank or CU that uses it...they all use NADA.
> 
> http://www.nadaguides.com/


 Nada sure is easier to use!!!!!!!!!

Piney Woods, the Kelly Blue Book site I have you is a true pain to use: If I were you I would use Nada. 

Always double check what a car salesman tells you. the longer you hold that car the more money the company makes


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## mnn2501

> At the car dealership I called my son-in-law who is a CPA and the CFO of his company, ran the numbers by him, and he said it sounded like a good deal.


Sounds like he shouldn't be in charge of a checkbook, let alone be a CPA. Or he was purposely trying to mess you up.


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## Maura

Your SIL is just evil.

Contact whoever is the Federal overseer of credit unions. What they did may have been illegal. 

Where is your other DD? Can you move closer to her?

When you sit down with SIL, go in with steel in your spine. Point out to him his error is stating this van was a good deal. Really get in his face. Get in both their faces about their promise to help you out. Write things down on index cards if you must and memorize the words. If either of them treats you disrespectfully, walk out. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are honest and true.


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## Piney Woods

At the time I bought the van, I had an old school flip phone. I asked my daughter and son-in-law to check the price and see if it was good. They both had phones with internet. I'm assuming they didn't check. Son in law drives a Lexus, BMW before that so the price probably sounded good to him. 

Ultimately, the car was my mistake. I can't blame anyone else. I'm stuck with it but it IS a good dependable vehicle, holds its value well and I can camp in it. I bought it 13 months ago, used for $34,000 and still owe about $30,000. Appraises for $20,000 to $21,000.

There is no paying it off and biting the bullet. Upside down $10,000 means I would have to pay $10,000 in cash to get rid of it. Don't have it. I'm still shocked that a credit union would finance something like that. NADA actually value the car less than what I've gotten it appraised for at several places.

I'm not sure son in law is evil, just young and arrogant. He does well for his company, and very well for himself and my daughter and kids. He just isn't very generous.

Caretaker Gazette is a good resource, but I don't think they would want me housesitting with three dogs. I'll check it out, in case they have a separate cottage or something.

I'm checking with a realtor on the value of the lake lot but I can see on MLS what other lots out there are going for. It's two hours from Dallas, maybe a little further. Not commuting distance but in between two nice small towns. 

The tenant in my house in Missouri is A+. She takes better care of the property than I did. Pays right on time, every month. I'm going to ask her if she or her family would like to buy it before I list it with a Realtor. At least then she'll have a heads up if someone wants to show it. I don't want to harass her and lose her as a tenant. I have a property management company that looks after it for me. When it needs repairs, which so far have been minor, they handle it. BTW, the tenant is 82 and still works. Her son lives three doors down and does the yard for her. She does all the flower beds and patios. Runs circles around me, but then, she is not disabled. I'm glad she is able to keep working if that's what she wants to do.

The apartment I live in now is 17 miles from work and takes me almost an hour to get there. I looked long and hard to find one this reasonable. The prices in Dallas are ridiculous. I could find a little bit cheaper apartment, but I would still have to work to pay for it. Many of these cheaper apartments have very bad reviews, have roaches and bed bugs and are in dangerous parts of town. 

This small house 1 1/2 hours out of town is in a small subdivision in the country. It's only on two lots (80 x 100 total) so there are several neighbors. They came out and checked us out when my brother and I were looking at the outside Sunday. I like that - nosey neighbors. I'm going to look at the inside next Saturday and have talked to a local bank. I may be able to get a loan with a smaller down payment. My cash would be "borrowing" the cash value from my life insurance and I don't think they'll let me do that. If my daughter could loan me the money (as a gift) then I could pay her back very soon, if not later when I die with all the life insurance. 

It's close enough that I could work maybe a month or two after I move. Rough days but I think I could do it to get a couple of things done around the house before my income is so limited. I can draw widow's benefits but they're only $1,100 which is less than what I can draw on SS. 

My alternate way to do it all by myself is to pull the $4,800 out of my life insurance and see how big of a yard barn with electric wiring I can rent, prepare my lake lot with gravel and live in the yard barn until I can add water and septic. Would have to be careful to lay low from the HOA but it can be done. There is a shower house where I could take showers and get water for cooking, etc.


----------



## Terri

What is "A yard barn with electric wiring you can rent"? That is a new one for me!

Is It alike a shed?


----------



## Piney Woods

Yes, a storage shed. You can get them wired for electricity and then delivered. Some places will let you do rent to own with only one or two payments paid in advance.


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## Terri

Piney Woods said:


> Yes, a storage shed. You can get them wired for electricity and then delivered. Some places will let you do rent to own with only one or two payments paid in advance.


Ah.

Somebody on another forum DID that, but she had no HOA. The HOA might be a problem for you.

For her it worked. She applied her savings from not paying rent to things like getting water piped in.


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## mmoetc

Just a random question. How did you come up with the amount owed on the vehicle? Is it the total you would owe if you continued making payments for the life of the loan or have you contacted the lender to see what the pay off would be if you wrote them a check tomorrow? Often the numbers are quite different and there are usually no prepayment penalties on car loans.


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## Piney Woods

Terri, a shed will work for a roof over my head but there won't be much in savings on rent because if I move to the lake, it will be on SS only. Too far to commute to work. I can save and have water and septic put in but it will be slow going.

Our HOA at the lake allows what they call a "skid camper" which is basically a storage shed of 400 to 599 square feet. I'm not sure I can get 400 sq ft in a rent to own, wired for electricity, on what cash I will have. But hopefully so.

The $30,684 figure is the actual payoff on the van.


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## mmoetc

Piney Woods said:


> Terri, a shed will work for a roof over my head but there won't be much in savings on rent because if I move to the lake, it will be on SS only. Too far to commute to work. I can save and have water and septic put in but it will be slow going.
> 
> Our HOA at the lake allows what they call a "skid camper" which is basically a storage shed of 400 to 599 square feet. I'm not sure I can get 400 sq ft in a rent to own, wired for electricity, on what cash I will have. But hopefully so.
> 
> The $21,000 figure is the actual payoff on the van.


Then you should be able to sell it for the appraised value and get a vehicle more in tune with your needs and budget. You should talk to the credit union and dealership. They may well be able to work out a trade for a less expensive vehicle even if you have to roll part of the payoff of your current van into the new loan. You can find decent, low mileage vans for half the cost of your current one which should finance at much less than your current monthly payment. 

Good luck but take someone who knows car values with you next time and don't be afraid to walk away, think about it and come back later to finalize the deal.


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## Solar Geek

Piney woods, just a wild idea but we did if for our DD#2. 

Ask SIL if he will pay the $21,000 for you (so paying off the loan in full. Then, you pay him back with 1.5% interest over the term of the current loan. Set it up as a recurring payment in a bank he banks at (you open an account) as an automatic transfer so he knows you will pay him. We did this with our DDThat interest is more than any bank CD is paying and you would be done with it at the same time but with a much lower payment by you and still more than he can get elsewhere. 

Here are the facts with my scenario:

$364 New Monthly Payment

$810 Total Interest Paid	

$21,810Total of 60 Payments (I figured 5 years)

Nov, 2021 Pay-off Date


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## dodgesmammaw

Piney Woods - I agree with some of the others have said. I do not think you should expect anything from your daughter and sil. Be proud for them they are doing well. Have someone advise you. There are places that will review your assets and debts.


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## MDKatie

mmoetc said:


> They may well be able to work out a trade for a less expensive vehicle even if you have to roll part of the payoff of your current van into the new loan.


No no no! That's exactly how you get upside down on a loan. That's a terrible idea, because unless you have gap insurance, you could "total" the vehicle and still owe money on it. 


Piney_Woods, did you trade in another vehicle when you got your van? Is that how you got upside down, by rolling another vehicle's owed amount into this loan too?


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## mmoetc

MDKatie said:


> No no no! That's exactly how you get upside down on a loan. That's a terrible idea, because unless you have gap insurance, you could "total" the vehicle and still owe money on it.
> 
> 
> Piney_Woods, did you trade in another vehicle when you got your van? Is that how you got upside down, by rolling another vehicle's owed amount into this loan too?


And I won't disagree with you in principle. But that's where smart shopping and taking someone who knows car values can come in handy. She's not really upside down or if so not by much. Hey payout and the value of the vehicle are about the same. There are undoubtedly vehicles on the dealer lot or on another's lot that are undervalued. Bargains can always be had. Getting out of this vehicle which she can not really afford is the first priority. Getting into one she can is second. Finding a vehicle being sold for less than its value( and yes they exist) is the key. Even if you have to roll some of the payout of the old vehicle into it you can still come out ahead with a vehicle worth more than you've financed. It's all about being smart. And, yes, most people aren't.

But the main thing is to talk to the credit union and anyone else involved and explore her options.


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## Piney Woods

I mis-typed when I put $21,000. That is the last appraisal I got. The payoff, as of yesterday, was just under $31,000.

I traded in a Toyota Matrix which was $4,000 upside down. So I knew I would be a little bit upside down but never dreamed it would be almost $14,000. 

I was not smart, it's my own fault, and I take responsibility for it. I let myself be charmed by the salesman, but no one held a gun to my head.

I do have GAP insurance on it. 

I have spoken with the credit union and they won't budge. I wonder if they weren't hoodwinked as well. So I make my payment every month, on time or early and throw a few extra dollars at the principal to hopefully help.

I think I've come to the conclusion that I'll just find a cheap apartment when my lease is up and plan to work until they carry me out in a body bag. I can't see any other way around it.


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## mmoetc

Piney Woods said:


> I mis-typed when I put $21,000. That is the last appraisal I got. The payoff, as of yesterday, was just under $31,000.
> 
> I traded in a Toyota Matrix which was $4,000 upside down. So I knew I would be a little bit upside down but never dreamed it would be almost $14,000.
> 
> I was not smart, it's my own fault, and I take responsibility for it. I let myself be charmed by the salesman, but no one held a gun to my head.
> 
> I do have GAP insurance on it.
> 
> I have spoken with the credit union and they won't budge. I wonder if they weren't hoodwinked as well. So I make my payment every month, on time or early and throw a few extra dollars at the principal to hopefully help.
> 
> I think I've come to the conclusion that I'll just find a cheap apartment when my lease is up and plan to work until they carry me out in a body bag. I can't see any other way around it.


I'd quit paying anything ahead. It's really not buying you much off the back end and you could better use the cash on hand.


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## mmoetc

Do you have anything like an Area Agency on Aging? You might be able to sit down with somebody from an organization like that at get some advice. There are free resources available and it could really help you find someone who might be able to analyze your situation and give you better advice than you'll get from me.


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## Terri

Piney Woods said:


> I think I've come to the conclusion that I'll just find a cheap apartment when my lease is up and plan to work until they carry me out in a body bag. I can't see any other way around it.


It might be.

You might also ask for advice from any professional you can think of. A bankruptcy lawyer, agency for aging, free credit help of some sort, whoever. 

I regret I do not know more!


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## Maura

I don&#8217;t understand the widow&#8217;s benefit. When you get SS you can take whichever is greater, yours or his. If you mean another benefit, such as a pension, then you can collect it along with your SS.


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## Queen Bee

This subject scares me more than any other! I would be devastated to have to depend on my children. 

We took are of my mother and sister physically ( they were both very ill) and we cared for my mother in law financially. I want neither from my children. 

I would call your counties dept of aging and ask what your options are.. Good luck


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## Piney Woods

The small house I was looking at sold last Friday. So back to square one.

I talked to the shed people and a 400 sq ft shed which is the minimum square footage I would need - rent to own it would be $485 a month, and that doesn't count having it wired for electricity. So can't afford it. Maybe if I could get a regular loan the payments would be smaller but not sure I could qualify as it would not be a "home". You can't tell the finance company you plan to live in their shed.

I've looked at all the area agency on aging or whatever else they're all called and all they really do is help destitute and homeless elderly. That's a great thing for them to do but not a resource for me. If anyone else can find a resource I would love to hear of it.

They do have what they call DMM but that's where you turn over all your money to them and they pay your bills - as in someone abusing an elder's finances. Not turning anything over to anyone like that.

Dave Ramsey's group wanted $175 to sit down with me. They do good work I guess but paying that amount doesn't make monetary sense to me.

I did contact the "Financial education" resources through the aging websites to see if someone would just sit down - on a one time deal - and help me figure this out. No response from either of them yet.

Thought about following through on buying a Casita if I can get the financing, but then the problem arises of where to park it. 

I got the results of my CT scan back on Friday and found out (among other minor issues) that I have a hole or indentation or "less dense" area of bone in my hip socket, probably from the RA. One and a half inches long. :shocked: Several bone density tests said I was great with no osteoporosis. At least it explains the pain I've had for some time. Doctor said "be careful and try not to fall". Well, then. Up until now I've been TRYING to fall. I'll cross that right off my list. :hobbyhors


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## Midgard

Piney Woods - I do wish you well. You are certainly in a difficult situation. I do wish you well. I do know that living in a small community in northeast Washington that services that one takes for granted in a suburb or city are just not available. Employment opportunities are few and far between. I would suggest that you try to determine what makes you happy and go from there. Your daughters should help out even if the help is minimal. Unfortunately, my daughter married a deadbeat. (I am being kind in my choice of words. So her mother and I have had to help her family a lot more than we should have but that is beside the point. I just wish that my two grandsons would come to Washington for a visit. I would certainly help pay for the airfare. I do wish you the best of luck. If it is any comfort, please remember that you are not alone. 

Ed


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## Terri

Piney Woods said:


> The small house I was looking at sold last Friday. So back to square one.
> 
> I talked to the shed people and a 400 sq ft shed which is the minimum square footage I would need - rent to own it would be $485 a month


$485? AAAGH! GASP! CHOKE! WHEEZE! You might ask for on-line quotes from other companies! Though, to be honest with you, I do not know what a shed that size sells for. The one we bought this year was only 10 by 12

As for Dave Ramsey, take advice from Dave Ramsey, and check his book out at the local library. :bored: Renew it as often as you need to, or turn it back in and then check it out again. Pat yourself on the back for saving $175. 

I am pretty sure there are free credit couselors somewhere, but for the life of me I cannot remember who does that!


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## TheMartianChick

Terri said:


> $485? AAAGH! GASP! CHOKE! WHEEZE! You might ask for on-line quotes from other companies! Though, to be honest with you, I do not know what a shed that size sells for. The one we bought this year was only 10 by 12
> 
> As for Dave Ramsey, take advice from Dave Ramsey, and check his book out at the local library. :bored: Renew it as often as you need to, or turn it back in and then check it out again. Pat yourself on the back for saving $175.
> 
> *I am pretty sure there are free credit couselors somewhere, but for the life of me I cannot remember who does that!*


There is an online resource that I've used and recommended to clients over the years. It is called Creditboards and can be found at www.creditboards.com .

The site is a forum(like HT) where you create a user id. The participants are average people with various levels of experience with credit and a variety of credit scores. There is a section for people with student loan questions, another for mortgage questions, etc... There is also one for people with credit issues relating to vehicles. 

The site isn't just for people with credit issues...It is also for regular people who just want information. I visit the site whenever I want to make an application for a new credit account. They have a database of creditors that can give you an idea of which credit report is pulled by the company and what credit score is needed to get the account opened. They currently have 160,000 members but when I joined many(many, many, many) years ago there were fewer than 5000.

I probably sound too much like a commercial, but the site probably houses the best information relating to credit on the internet and it is completely free to anyone willing to spend some time reading and posting questions. 

The methods taught there are better than the Ramsey method. While many have had success with his methods, he pretty much wants people to get out of debt and not utilize credit at all. The problem with that is not using credit can kill your credit score and cause your insurance rates to increase because insurance agents pull credit reports to help to determine your rates. If you don't have a credit card, it can be difficult to rent a vehicle if you need one. 

Creditboards helps people to get out of trouble and use credit responsibly so that it is available to them when needed. The site also teaches participants how to fight for their legal rights against shady creditors and those who violate laws relating to banking and credit. This is a site for anyone who ever uses or has used credit. For those on a fixed income, it can be an important tool.


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## Maura

Martian Chick, I&#8217;m glad you have our book on your thingie. I had forgotten all about it. Just downloaded it. Thanks.


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## TheMartianChick

Thank you, Maura!


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## DarkUnicorn

Can you save up around 2500 for a cheap older camper? If your careful you can find a reasonable deal. I live on the south side of Fort Worth so my hubby and I can help you look. We live in a camper in Keene right now. We could help you set up and tow a camper up to 35 ft bumper pull, no 5th wheels.


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## Piney Woods

DarkUnicorn - thank you for the offer, I may be in touch. Where to put the camper is the issue and if it's in good condition. Most of the ones in that price range I've looked at leak and have mold issues.

I did check out credit boards and Marvbear told me I'm pretty much stuck with my van, as I suspected, due to being so upside down.

I found out I can finance the shed for about $250 a month. That will be roughing it - it kind of scares me a little, but if I can have electricity I think I can manage. You have to have AC here in the summer - about 5-6 months of the year. I would have to haul water from the shower house for cooking, etc. Space heater in the winter which is pretty short lived.


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## Piney Woods

And I did sit down with my son-in-law and went over my finances. He's obviously used to dealing with companies' money and not human beings.

His suggestions were to get rid of the dogs (and save $36 a month), get a roommate off of craigslist, move in with my other daughter who is constantly evicted for not paying rent, having my drug-addled grandkids selling coke and heroin from the kitchen, etc. He also suggested that since I hadn't "needed" any of my belongings that were in storage that I should just throw them away. I didn't need them. Every earthly thing I have is in the storage unit - family photographs, etc. I am living in a small apartment with bare walls, one sheet, one pillow case, two plates, two towels, one pan, etc. 

I'm still in shock that he would suggest some of those things. It's clear they aren't going to help so I'm just trying to figure it out on my own.


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## thekibblegoddes

Gah! SIL needs a reality check. May I suggest something? Could you perhaps take what you need to furnish a small apartment, and any item you truly LOVE out of the storage unit and set up your apartment as a home? Then you could sell the remainder of the goods that you are not going to need in the foreseeable future and put the money to your debt. Then get rid of the storage unit, and put that money towards your debt. It will be hard to get rid of your stuff, but anything you don't have an emotional attachment to can be replaced later if you find yourself in a better position. Just a thought.


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## Terri

Piney Woods said:


> And I did sit down with my son-in-law and went over my finances. He's obviously used to dealing with companies' money and not human beings.
> 
> His suggestions were to get rid of the dogs (and save $36 a month), get a roommate off of craigslist, move in with my other daughter who is constantly evicted for not paying rent, having my drug-addled grandkids selling coke and heroin from the kitchen, etc. He also suggested that since I hadn't "needed" any of my belongings that were in storage that I should just throw them away. I didn't need them. Every earthly thing I have is in the storage unit - family photographs, etc. I am living in a small apartment with bare walls, one sheet, one pillow case, two plates, two towels, one pan, etc.
> 
> I'm still in shock that he would suggest some of those things. It's clear they aren't going to help so I'm just trying to figure it out on my own.


This does not make sense. If your apartment is so bare, then why the storage unit? Why are you not USING your stuff instead of storing it? I am not talking about moving your big furniture in I am talking about taking home your towels and such.

Box up your precious things like the family photographs and take them home with you. Put the boxes under your table if you have one, and throw a tablecloth over the lot. It will be lovely. 

It is not ugly if you put stuff in white bankers boxes and stack them to the ceiling. Box up things with sentimental value first, then box up the more valuable stuff. 

The things that you merely like can be given away.

There are racks you can put in a closet so that you can stack things from the floor to the ceiling. That means you can store a LOT! Get stuff from the storage unit and store it there.

You can do ANYTHING but you cannot do everything. It is NOT frugal to pay hundreds of dollars to store your spare sheets: the sheets and such are NOT worth that much! It is a loosing strategy! Instead, take home the things with sentimental value and give away the rest! Then you will not need the storage unit.


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## Solar Geek

Terri, you are so right! In April 2001, We stored tons of stuff for what was supposed to be 6 mos. till we built our house (our old one sold the 1 DAY AND WE HAD TO BE OUT IN 19 DAYS! And the entire process fell over Easter so it was a crazy time. 
_But it was a 100 year old home and the buyer offered 95% of list AND NO INSPECTION if we could be out in 19 days._) 

23 mos later we moved into the new place. *Storage cost us about $3400,* albeit the furniture stored was worth a ton more than that and more than furnished the new house and some were family pieces I would never sell (still have them) but we also gave away tons when we opened the storage containers. We had given away tons of stuff - children's bedroom sets, rugs, couches etc before the move. But, because the actual packing up of boxes/clothes etc took 7 full 24/hour days attic to basement (2 little kids with STUFF!) when I added up the time, we did not have time to sort out the actual furniture which we were not giving away as we moved. 

Was it worth storing? Likely yes and again, we only had such a short time. BUT in your position, it is not worth it unless you have very valuable antiques or such. My friend who was strapped for cash did the same thing you are doing and after 4 years finally moved all the stuff to her apartment garage. She spent $200/mo for 4 years - for stuff she never needed during that time or surely did not go get. 

Please, although your SIL is not a great guy, look at some of his suggestions logically and see what you can do or part with. 

I mean this as only a help, not a criticism.


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## Piney Woods

The problem with the stuff in storage is that it's 9 hours away. I sold all my furniture, even my bed, when I moved from Missouri to Texas because my daughter said "we'll help you get new stuff here". No help was forthcoming so I went into debt for a mattress set, a recliner, tv and console. And two plates, two cups, one sheet, two towels, etc. so I could get an apartment and get out of their house. All that's left in storage is my very favorite household things, art work, tons of photographs and documents. 

To rent a truck and go up there and get it and move it back to Texas would cost me at least $1,000 or more for a truck, gas, and movers. I'll do that one more time but don't want to do that just to move again in May. My lease is up, I can't afford the apartment, I have to be out in May.

I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday and have scheduled a day of vacation so it doesn't come out of my paycheck. As soon as I leave the doctor's office, I'm going to the SS administration and sitting until they can see me. They don't make appointments you have to just go and sit. I've gotten three different answers in three different calls. Hopefully I'll get the real story face to face.

At this point, it's looking like I'll be in the van with the dogs. I'm working out a plan to have a camping kitchen in the back hatch of the van and thinking about what else I will need. 

My daughter absolutely broke my heart last week and said that she thinks my son-in-law's suggestions are smart and I should follow each step. The fact that she thinks it's okay for her mom to move in with someone on craigslist just floors me. In any event, it's clear there is no help or support of any kind, so I am on my own. I'll just do the best I can, that's all I can do. This happened the same week an MRI found a mass on my hip. I'm taking one day at a time and trying to make as good decisions as I can. 

I do appreciate all the suggestions and thoughts on here. Really appreciate it.


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## Belfrybat

Hang in there -- this will work itself out. 

I think going in person to the SS office is the right thing. I was divorced and my husband died a couple of years later. When I hit 60 I thought I would be eligible for benefits so I called SS. I was told I wouldn't be eligible until my own retirement age. Fast forward two years and I applied to receive my own SS, and an agent called me to ask why I didn't apply for survivors benefits as they would be more. When I told her about the previous call, she said there is a difference between divorcee benefits and survivor benefits and the other person apparently didn't realise my husband had died. I had been eligible all along for benefits. Long story to say unless you use exactly the right words, different agents will tell you different things.

When you go to the SS office, since you have been married previously, be sure to take along your husband's SS number, copy of the divorce certificate (or his death certificate) as well as your own information. Without those documents, the agent won't be able to fully help you.


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## Terri

Rented truck? Movers? 

No.

You drive a large vehicle. Start driving on Friday afternoon. Stop after 4-5 hours for the night. Start driving Saturday morning and arrive Saturday noon.

Pack your precious momentos in your vehicle and also take as many of your beloved things as you can. If you know someone with a trailer you can possibly borrow it. Then drive home. Either make a return trip, or abandon the rest

If you pack sandwiches for most of your meals you can probably do it for $300. 

Are you paying $200 a month for storage? $200 times 12 months means that it will cost you $2,400 to keep the unit rented. That is on top of the $1,800 you have already spent. All together that would be $4,200 if you keep it for the upcoming year. 

Lastly, if you are homeless, will you be able to keep the rental unit? Because if you default you will not only lose the things you love, but your photographs and family mementos as well. 

If you let the storage unit go and drive down yourself you will save thousands.


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## Piney Woods

I am disabled. I cannot drive that many hours, load and unload in three days. I can't load or unload period. For the most part. I've made a couple of trips up there and picked up what would fit in my car. One especially meaningful item in storage is an armoire I designed and my brother built for me. He'll never be able to build me another one, or anything like it. And if I have to move out of this apartment in May, what's the point of the cost of moving everything out of storage to here, and then moving it again in May. I need to move once more and be done with it.

I've been thinking about the possibility of oving back to Missouri. -Daughter wants me to live a block away from her but will not help financially, even though I would have to keep working full time to afford the apartment. -If she won't bend and won't help, moving back to Missouri may be the answer. -I don't think I could afford my house payment up there, so I need to keep pursuing getting that sold. I thought about nursing school student as a roommate in my house, but I don't know. -

There are low income senior apartments for as little as $295 for a studio. -Checking on the income limits and pet policy. There are also co-op townhomes that are only $2,500 transfer fees but management fees of $497 a month which includes water, sewer, trash and most maintenance, and they have a small fenced yard. Maybe I could find something part-time I could handle and actually "own" my own little place. I have lots of friends up there that I grew up with and went to church with. -Sliding scale low income medical and dental since I won't be eligible for Medicare yet, and several food pantry opportunities. Missouri taxes are oppressive, but I would probably fall under the line as far as income tax.-

Moving away from my daughters, grandkids and brother at this age is kind of depressing. But if I'm retired, I can come visit any time I want.-

I don't know - might be a possibility.
-


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## Terri

Piney woods, those are very good ideas. 

My advice? Find out more about the senior housing in each state: how much each is and what the pet restrictions are. Find out what your SS will probably be. Then do a sample budget for each potential home. 

Then, assuming you can afford either, decide what you WANT! 

You are probably not the first person who needs help with moving something heavy: can you call or e-mail the storage people and ask if there is someplace you can call for help? If they say no, perhaps you can google a Texas employment agency to hire 2 strong backs for half a day? I am guessing, here. I have not actually DONE it.

It looks like you have many choices, not to mention a lot of math ahead of you!

You CAN figure this out. 

To get accurate figures it IS going to require you to go back through the last few months to make up a list of your expenses. If I were you, I would assume what you have spent over the last couple of months, excepting for housing costs and the cost of the storage unit, is the amount you need to live on once added to the different rent amounts. 

As for the storage unit, I do not know what it costs and I do not NEED to know what it costs. Figure 3 more months of rental fee and will it be cheaper to move your furniture once, or twice? 

And to which state?

PineyWoods, my first budget ever meant that I wrote down my expenses and a bit more to cover a months worth of insurance costs, added 1/12 of my auto renewal fees, and subtracted it from income. It wasn't very good and I missed a couple of things, but it gave me an idea of what my decisions needed to be. 

If I were you I would do a budget for living in Texas, living in Missouri, staying employed, or retiring. That is 4 budgets. 

THEN, after I decided where I was going to live, I would decide if it were cheaper to move the armouir (spelling) now or later.

Now, I am only 62 but I am pretty badly disabled. I need a cane to walk, and when driving I would need to lie down every hour. This is how I would move the armouir. (sp)

First I would decide where I would live.

Secondly I would see if I could rent a pickup for 5 days (drive an hour rest an hour, for me it is a 2 day drive each way) 

I would find out from the storage company or the employment agency where I could hire 2 strong backs once I arrived.

Add things up, and see if it is cheaper to move things now and move them twice, or move them 3 months from now and move them once. Either way you will have to get help with the armouir (sp). The main question is, is it cheaper to hire help once and move the armoir once, or is It cheaper to hire help twice but only pay the rental fees through the next month?


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## Michael W. Smith

Piney Woods said:


> Moving away from my daughters, grandkids and brother at this age is kind of depressing. But if I'm retired, I can come visit any time I want.-
> -


I would have to wonder why you are even concerned about your daughters? From what I've read, you moved to be closer because you were going to receive "help", and once you got there, you quickly found out there is no intention of helping you.

I think you need to do what is best for YOU - and don't worry about the family. It seems they aren't worrying about you.


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## Piney Woods

Cheapest senior housing I've found in the Dallas area is $589 per month. Cheapest senior apartment I found in Missouri is $425. $315 if I rent a studio. Two pets allowed, meaning I have to get rid of one. (that's a whole other post)

SS told me I will draw $1,559 per month. I can work and make up to $16,920 per year. 

I did total and complete actual expenses when I sat down with my SIL so budget is done. I've had a good working budget for years. It's housing that's killing my current budget (besides the van) and housing that's making retirement difficult (besides the van).

I assume the storage unit can line up a couple of guys to load the trailer, but not sure if they will come to my home to unload. It makes more sense to leave things in storage until I move and move them once. It looks like I'll be moving to Missouri which will also be a shorter distance and cheaper to move my stuff. Might be able to line up some guys from church to do at least part of it.

You can rent a pickup for local moves but not for long distance. So a pickup could be rented to empty the storage units, however, it would take a whole bunch of trips. Better to use a cargo trailer or truck and get it all done at once. $100 for a day truck versus $1000+ for a long road trip truck. Plus loading/unloading.

The co-op townhouse people told me they very strictly enforce the two-pet limit. That was my favorite place because I could decorate however I want, it has a small yard and there are tax advantages. The other apartments will probably say the same thing as far as two pet limit. 

If I can get all my ducks in a row, I anticipate moving to Missouri mid-June. If my kids want to see me, they know where I am since they were born and raised there. I can also come down and visit them for holidays.


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## Terri

You do good work!


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## Maura

If you call a Federal agency, Housing and Human Development for instance, they probably know where to find movers. Some churches have volunteers only for church members, but others will help anyone. There may be an organization that helps out seniors for free or minimal fee. I worked at our local one for a while and those people have the skinny on all things volunteer, not just federal programs.


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## carolpalmer

Check for reliable, accessible, affordable rental trucks. There are some storage services which has got vehicles specially designed for household moving. Check for moving services, which would allow the driver to arrive at your pickup location, help you load, deliver and unload your cargo. make sure they pickup and deliver larger items for smaller fees, quicker at our desired time and location. If need be, take more suggestions from professionals regarding best storage solutions available. Do check for few tips on choosing a good self-storage company in this article http://www.ultrastor.ca/blog/storage-space/choose-good-self-storage-company/.
Remember to be careful with packing part. Extra cautious with fragile and breakables. I would suggest bubble wrap for them. While packing them have them stuffed with crumpled paper. But do not over pack rather leave space for our item to move around.


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