# For your Critique and Consideration



## th_Wolverine (Apr 15, 2013)

This is a novel I've been working on for several years, and only now am getting ready to publish. I'd love your feedback on createspace if you have a moment to read my first chapter!

https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1172082


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## Heritagefarm (Feb 21, 2010)

See my comment on your previous thread.


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## Maura (Jun 6, 2004)

Since you&#8217;ve ignored my suggestions from before, I&#8217;ll just comment on what you are presenting here. 

I went to a &#8216;get a literary agent&#8217; seminar a little while ago. They will read the first page and decide if they want to read any more. They may toss it after the first sentence.

They like action. You stop the action when you begin to describe the two sisters and what their life was like. The fact that she has pearl earrings tells us that she is probably well off. I would skip all that and go right to the paragraph &#8220;The Alatrarian people dwelt high above&#8230;&#8221; I would even say &#8220;The Alatarian Elf people", or "The elf people of the Alatarian tribe&#8230;&#8221;

Your second chapter gives the detail of who they are, princesses, etc. so it&#8217;s not necessary to tell us that while Paige is on the run. She is scared for her life, thinking about what bandit lies behind every leaf and if her family has all been killed, not thinking about her past life as a pampered princess.


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