# Wow- so hard to not be judgemental



## Becka03 (Mar 29, 2009)

I went to the Catholic Thrift Store today- I know they help people in need- in need -is the key phrase here... I wanted to look for skirts as I want to start wearing more skirts than anything else- I like the idea of the modesty and my boys need shorts- I know they are cheaper in the CTS than even our goodwill...I work- my hubby works- we still struggle- I bust my butt- I have a part time job ontop of my regular 40 hour a week job....
I turn and see this young woman with a top of the line purse- nail freshly done the acrylic kind- fancy hair do- name brand jeans, shoes and top- what is she looking for in the store? NOTHING- she is getting a Gas voucher for 50 bucks- her nails would have cost her 65 in our town at the cheapest place- and they had to have been done in the last 2 or 3 days to look that nice-

This is the kinda Zombies- we are dealing with- I know it- grrrrr


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

If you offer it, they will come. And come and come and come.................

Can't wait for the " you shouldn't judge" remark. After all, she could have been walking the street, desperately seeking any kind of work, when a national show picked her for a complete make over.


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## Pam6 (Apr 9, 2009)

Just think that when the Zombies do come you can run faster than her because you will have sensible shoes on so she is just Zombie Bait!!


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## Ohio Rusty (Jan 18, 2008)

A catholic thrift store ?? Is that where the old used Nuns end up ?? <lol>

I have discovered no matter someones place in life they will take what ever they can get. Some folks really feel like they are entitled to everything for free and cheap and not have to work for it. It's Ok to ... 'Grrrr'.

Ohio Rusty ><>


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## Becka03 (Mar 29, 2009)

Pam6 said:


> Just think that when the Zombies do come you can run faster than her because you will have sensible shoes on so she is just Zombie Bait!!



Ohhh excellent point!


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## Guest (Jul 6, 2012)

it's possible she was dressed up for a job interview.


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## tailwagging (Jan 6, 2005)

Maybe she works at a salon/school and has her friends do them. maybe the purse and jeans are fake or gifts.

All we can do is live our own lives and know that they will reap what they sow.


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## Becka03 (Mar 29, 2009)

veggiecanner said:


> it's possible she was dressed up for a job interview.


Only if the job interview was for jersey shore- the tv show... the tattoos looked nice and fresh with her Ambercrombie tank top

I know I know - reap what we sow- it is a hard pill to swallow- something I struggle with every day.. I try I promise
I am just having a hot miserable day- 
I was up late making croutons so my bread wouldn't get moldy, lemonade out of the 15 lemons I had so they wouldn't get all brown and mushy, dehydrating jalapenos so they wouldn't go bad.... and I really wanna change my bedroom and I passed up curtains for 4 bucks a pair - cause that seemed too pricey LOL- then saw that girl- and I had a moment of wanting to scream


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## Sawmill Jim (Dec 5, 2008)

veggiecanner said:


> it's possible she was dressed up for a job interview.


Yep since hard times have hit maybe Hugh Hefner needed extra gas in the limo :shrug: For the interview :hobbyhors


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## AngieM2 (May 10, 2002)

And maybe Becka is right on the money in her assessment of the situation.


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## tailwagging (Jan 6, 2005)

becka03 said:


> only if the job interview was for jersey shore- the tv show... The tattoos looked nice and fresh with her ambercrombie tank top
> 
> i know i know - reap what we sow- it is a hard pill to swallow- something i struggle with every day.. I try i promise
> i am just having a hot miserable day-
> i was up late making croutons so my bread wouldn't get moldy, lemonade out of the 15 lemons i had so they wouldn't get all brown and mushy, dehydrating jalapenos so they wouldn't go bad.... And i really wanna change my bedroom and i passed up curtains for 4 bucks a pair - cause that seemed too pricey lol- then saw that girl- and i had a moment of wanting to scream



((hugs))


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## Becka03 (Mar 29, 2009)

I shouldn't complain- I probably - well I know I have a most awesomest life- considering my 16 yr old told me the Lemonade was the best thing he ever drank and my 8 yr old told me I was the best cook in the world as he had a glass of lemonade and a bowl of homemade croutons LOL
And I will be able to out run any bad guys LOL in my sensible shoes


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## Rainy (Jan 21, 2010)

Hey I have been there too, sometimes its all just to much after working your behind off.
Big Hugs and i hope your day gets better.


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## Browncoat (Jun 8, 2009)

There may be another explanation. 

At an office where I used to work, we always wondered how the errand runner who had no education and even less sense could afford the fancy car, the bling, the name brand clothes, and so forth, when she was on public assistance and didn't get paid much at the office for her few hours of work per week. She also had the latest nail job, fancy hair, and expensive phone. 

As it turned out, she was also selling drugs, and that's how she could get all her fancy stuff while us poor working idiots were doing without. Now, I don't expect people on assistance to be totally grungy and disgusting, but I'm always a little suspicious of folks with major bling and all the other goodies living off my hard-earned tax dollars. I just don't trust them.


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## tailwagging (Jan 6, 2005)

AngieM2 said:


> And maybe Becka is right on the money in her assessment of the situation.


Could be. 
But how does that help her?

My adult son (i use to be the same way) always likes to complain about what others have..big house..more land..new cars... but we have no ideal how much debt they have or how close to the braking point they may be.
does it help us to be bitter about it, thinking that they are one upping?


It is easier and more up lifting to be thankful for what we do have.
All of us have it sooo much better then many in the world.

easier said then done, i know


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## Guest (Jul 6, 2012)

A job interveiw at a tattoo shop?

Looks like your right, I woud cover my tattos for a job interveiw.
I know what you mean at one time it was nothing to spend $100 for a sheet set, now 50 cent is to much.
Every once in awhile I think they are the smart ones.


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## Guest (Jul 6, 2012)

And maybe you are all right.

Which is the problem. You are ALL right.

It would not take much effort to find examples of all of the examples everyone here has cited thus far and more besides. 

There are all kinds in this world.

Be the change you want to see and let the rest go.


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## Becka03 (Mar 29, 2009)

A.T. Hagan said:


> And maybe you are all right.
> 
> Which is the problem. You are ALL right.
> 
> ...


thanks
I think we are all correct- 
which is why I like to be able to get it off my chest and hear everyones posts and thoughts- I always feel better


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## Sonshine (Jul 27, 2007)

We never know another person's true circumstances. She may have been doing well and just lost her job, or she could be scamming the system. When I see folks like this I tend to think the worse, but I've also had people think the worse of me in some circumstances without knowing the whole story, so I try not to judge a person by their clothes or nails, or whatever. Although I do understand where the OP is coming from. It's frustrating to see people getting help when they seem to spend money on things that seem like nonsense to us.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Becka03 said:


> I went to the Catholic Thrift Store today- I know they help people in need- in need -is the key phrase here... I wanted to look for skirts as I want to start wearing more skirts than anything else- I like the idea of the modesty and my boys need shorts- I know they are cheaper in the CTS than even our goodwill...I work- my hubby works- we still struggle- I bust my butt- I have a part time job ontop of my regular 40 hour a week job....
> I turn and see this young woman with a top of the line purse- nail freshly done the acrylic kind- fancy hair do- name brand jeans, shoes and top- what is she looking for in the store? NOTHING- she is getting a Gas voucher for 50 bucks- her nails would have cost her 65 in our town at the cheapest place- and they had to have been done in the last 2 or 3 days to look that nice-
> 
> This is the kinda Zombies- we are dealing with- I know it- grrrrr


As Believers, we are called to make 'right judgements' (think of the verses about the tree and it's fruit).
You did NOT condemn her soul, or Judge if she was or was not saved.
You did use 'a judgement' (think discernment) and that is commanded.

You have done nothing wrong.


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## pumpkin (May 8, 2012)

I would not judge her - her money is as good as anyone else's. 

All the thrift stores that I shop at (and have helped out in) sell items that are donated to earn money to use for other projects. It isn't just the concept of inexpensive items for sale to those at lower income (or the thousands who are just frugal ) but it is the cash earned by the sale of these items that is also valuable. I've gone to shop in thrift stores straight from work in a designer suit and looking like someone much wealthier than I am. I never thought that people would judge me and think that I was too rich to shop there. I guess I should wear a sign that says "I bought this fantastic suit right here for $15".


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## Wags (Jun 2, 2002)

pumpkin said:


> I would not judge her - her money is as good as anyone else's.
> 
> All the thrift stores that I shop at (and have helped out in) sell items that are donated to earn money to use for other projects. It isn't just the concept of inexpensive items for sale to those at lower income (or the thousands who are just frugal ) but it is the cash earned by the sale of these items that is also valuable. I've gone to shop in thrift stores straight from work in a designer suit and looking like someone much wealthier than I am. I never thought that people would judge me and think that I was too rich to shop there. I guess I should wear a sign that says "I bought this fantastic suit right here for $15".


Uh - I think you missed the part about her picking up a $50 gas voucher. She wasn't shopping in the store and I don't care if she was headed to an interview, a fancy and expensive manicure isn't going to help you get a job.


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## Becka03 (Mar 29, 2009)

pumpkin said:


> I would not judge her - her money is as good as anyone else's.
> 
> All the thrift stores that I shop at (and have helped out in) sell items that are donated to earn money to use for other projects. It isn't just the concept of inexpensive items for sale to those at lower income (or the thousands who are just frugal ) but it is the cash earned by the sale of these items that is also valuable. I've gone to shop in thrift stores straight from work in a designer suit and looking like someone much wealthier than I am. I never thought that people would judge me and think that I was too rich to shop there. I guess I should wear a sign that says "I bought this fantastic suit right here for $15".


oh Pumpkin- it had nothing to do with her shopping she wasn't shopping at all- she was receiving a free 50 dollar gas card...
I never shop in a real store first- I shop thrift stores first LOL-


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## pumpkin (May 8, 2012)

Wags said:


> Uh - I think you missed the part about her picking up a $50 gas voucher. She wasn't shopping in the store and I don't care if she was headed to an interview, a fancy and expensive manicure isn't going to help you get a job.


I didn't miss it. Maybe she has shopped in the store before or perhaps she is one of the people who donates items or volunteers there to pick up items and gets a gas voucher to cover her expenses and thank her for her generosity.

Depends on the job. Perhaps she is interviewing for a job at a nail salon or as a stripper. Or perhaps she is a hooker who is trying to get out of the life and the church is helping her by paying for a gas voucher to allow her to go to job training and take her kids to daycare. She probably wouldn't change her style of dress and grooming right away. 

And a designer purse and brand name jeans can be bought in thrift stores. Or be received as a gift.

And maybe she did her hair and nails herself. My neighbour's teenage daughter does the most beautiful manicures and decorated nails - just for fun. She has also helped me with my hair on special occasions and would make a great hairdresser but wants to be a lawyer.


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## pumpkin (May 8, 2012)

Becka03 said:


> oh Pumpkin- it had nothing to do with her shopping she wasn't shopping at all- she was receiving a free 50 dollar gas card...
> I never shop in a real store first- I shop thrift stores first LOL-


It is surely possible that she is a person who leaches on society and spends her money in selfish and egotistical ways but I always like to think possitive until the ugly truth hits me square on. Many times in my life I have made rash judgements based on appearance and circumstance that were very far from the truth.


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

It's not even the probable misuse that has made me lose whatever good will I can muster these days.
It's the constant drumming from the media, grant funded social lobbies, rich people who tell the rest of us what to do, etc about every problem that demands my money and attention- from druggies to Syrian atrocities to green house gases. It's constant and has worn out, used up and driven out almost any charity in my soul.
It's like the expansion of Medicaid in the recent health care decsion. It comes with a litany of how this poor person will finally be able to receive what they deserve while all I can can think about is how close I am getting to being that person due to the demands of paying and paying for these things.
So with fear of having nothing left of what I worked to save all my life in mind, I have had it with the never ending demands of the entitled poor.

And for that matter, the rich are not in my good graces either. If they take the risk of seeking gain, they should suffer the loss of making the wrong choice


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

Boy that was a loaded whine of mine. I have found myself getting shorter and shorter tempered with such stuff but to have let myself complain like that- I need to apologize.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Maybe it's because of where *I* am in in my life.....but I don't even notice.
My personal life is such a foxtroted up mess, I really don't give a spit about who's getting a freebie that doesn't deserve it.
I don't give a poop if the lady in front of me is gettin' t-bones on food stamps when I am eating bologna after working 50 hours. 
I just don't care.
I have too much on my own plate to dabble my fork on someone elses plate.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Maybe it's because of where *I* am in in my life.....but I don't even notice.
> My personal life is such a foxtroted up mess, I really don't give a spit about who's getting a freebie that doesn't deserve it.
> I don't give a poop if the lady in front of me is gettin' t-bones on food stamps when I am eating bologna after working 50 hours.
> I just don't care.
> I have too much on my own plate to dabble my fork on someone elses plate.




Amen!!!


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## mpillow (Jan 24, 2003)

Can I tell you....People on welfare are getting twice as much money as someone on unemployment....We are a family of 5---- on welfare including foodstamps, heating, childcare, health ins...we'd make about $40k a year in benefits.... but we are on unemployment after 25 yrs we get $386 a week or almost $20k a year and qualify for ZERO else....gas money to look for work come out of the grocery money....

So I'd be the sweaty grimy barn smelling person you'd see because I've been working diligently in my barn and garden.


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## Guest (Jul 6, 2012)

I don't think i care so much about what other people are getting, but I am getting more protective of what I own. 
about 12 days ago some guy got in my dh's lunch box and ate a mayo jar of sllced ham. this guy gets disability and food stamps, he must have run low on food toward the end of the month. Normally i would have felt sorry for him and let it go. But this time I was way passed ticked off. I guess i still am.
Me and dh are living on almost nothing and this guy gets twice what we live on. Dh makes sure he thaws the lunch meat now and makes his sandwhich before he goes to work, instead of taking the stuff to make the sandwich to work with him. Not even sure why this guy thought what he did was ok.


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## tailwagging (Jan 6, 2005)

where I want to said:


> It's not even the probable misuse that has made me lose whatever good will I can muster these days.
> It's the constant drumming from the media, grant funded social lobbies, rich people who tell the rest of us what to do, etc about every problem that demands my money and attention- from druggies to Syrian atrocities to green house gases. It's constant and has worn out, used up and driven out almost any charity in my soul.
> It's like the expansion of Medicaid in the recent health care decsion. It comes with a litany of how this poor person will finally be able to receive what they deserve while all I can can think about is how close I am getting to being that person due to the demands of paying and paying for these things.
> So with fear of having nothing left of what I worked to save all my life in mind, I have had it with the never ending demands of the entitled poor.
> ...


((hugs))


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## tailwagging (Jan 6, 2005)

where I want to said:


> Boy that was a loaded whine of mine. I have found myself getting shorter and shorter tempered with such stuff but to have let myself complain like that- I need to apologize.


no, a hug.


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## secretcreek (Jan 24, 2010)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> As Believers, we are called to make 'right judgements' (think of the verses about the tree and it's fruit).
> You did NOT condemn her soul, or Judge if she was or was not saved.
> You did use 'a judgement' (think discernment) and that is commanded.
> 
> You have done nothing wrong.



FINALLY!!! Someone who gets it. 
Thank you Laura Zone5!

-scrt crk


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## tailwagging (Jan 6, 2005)

&#8220;Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 *For in the same way* you judge others, you will be judged, and *with the measure you use*, it will be measured to you. 

Matthew 7:1

better not dress too well or.....


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

secretcreek said:


> FINALLY!!! Someone who gets it.
> Thank you Laura Zone5!
> 
> -scrt crk


Ya gotta go back to the Greek.......the ORIGINAL language.
There are several words judge with several meanings. You really have to dig to understand.
The English translation did not do the Greek intention justice. Actually has led many to make wrong choices....because they don't understand the language!!

Nice to see others who 'get it'!!!


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## tailwagging (Jan 6, 2005)

aahh yes always the translations.

Don&#8217;t judge according to appearances. Judge with right judgment.&#8221;

John 7:24

the only way we would/could know "right judgement" is if we were her or knew her life.
for goodness sake her dad might be dieing and she needed gas money to get there. 
my family used the red cross to fly my hubby home when I was hospitalized. I had nice clothes (family gifts) and my nails done (cosmetology school) then too. but was poor.


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## Guest (Jul 6, 2012)

tailwagging said:


> âDo not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 *For in the same way* you judge others, you will be judged, and *with the measure you use*, it will be measured to you.
> 
> Matthew 7:1
> 
> better not dress too well or.....


Do you realize you are thew one being judgemental? The OP posted as she is feeling flustrated over the situation that is our country right now. last thing she needs is critisism. Any one living it knows it is a real situation.
If it was some one who was standing in the food stamp line, you all would be more than compasionate for her.But because she chooses to stand on her own 2 feet she is some how deserving of critisism.
This isn't about debating the Bible.
It's about showing support for our fellow forum members.


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## tailwagging (Jan 6, 2005)

veggiecanner said:


> Do you realize you are thew one being judgemental? The OP posted as she is feeling flustrated over the situation that is our country right now. last thing she needs is critisism. Any one living it knows it is a real situation.
> If it was some one who was standing in the food stamp line, you all would be more than compasionate for her.But because she chooses to stand on her own 2 feet she is some how deserving of critisism.
> This isn't about debating the Bible.
> It's about showing support for our fellow forum members.


This was NOT directed at the OP!!!
Not at all! but ones (Believers) who think it is OK (called) to judge someone.
please go back and read


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## naturelover (Jun 6, 2006)

Not being familiar with vouchers I have to ask a question about them.

When the woman in the thrift store was getting a $50 gas voucher, was the voucher free or did she have to pay for the voucher? 

If the voucher is free, what qualifies the person for getting the free voucher? Do they have to purchase other goods in the thrift store to qualify for the free voucher or can they just walk in and ask for the free voucher? Or what?

Someone please explain to me how this works. Thanks.

.


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## Guest (Jul 6, 2012)

Since this was a church, I think she probably had to show a need for it, and it would be free.
That's why I assumed she had a job interview.


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## naturelover (Jun 6, 2006)

If the person has to show a need for it what has to be offered as proof of need?

.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

i've been wondering the same thing. every Tom,Dick and Harry can't go in there and just ask for 50 dollars for gas can they? ~Georgia.


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## Guest (Jul 6, 2012)

That part I wouldn't know. I've never been in that situation. Every place would be different I guess.
Could be as little as telling some one you need help.


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## tailwagging (Jan 6, 2005)

It has been so long since I helped with a voucher or thrift shop (other then shopping), things may have changed.
Most often government assistance proof (food stamps,wic....) or income and # of dependance, proof of need( notarized doctor's letter, death certificate) and proof of who you are.
Many who work in "needs help" view that if someone does lie, God will give them what he feels fits and the giver a jewel in their crown for the mitzvah


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## Guest (Jul 6, 2012)

For all we know they trade gas vouchers for used goods, or she did a job as a volunteer and they paid for fuel that she needed to do it.
Maybe she got stuck away from home and they helped with gas so she could finish her trip.
There is lots of reasons the Churchs help when they can.


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## mpillow (Jan 24, 2003)

After being perfectly honest about our assets...with the state folks on the phone...we had life ins and over $12k in ira/401k not so much that it offsets the 40% penalty!...I was told by two of my neighbors exactly what and how to get around this issue and have more....shift assets and lie....
Might as well become a prostitute right?
Or maybe I should go into the green energy biz and get some real money out of .gov!


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## KnowOneSpecial (Sep 12, 2010)

There might be a good explanation for her appearance. 

Clothes...could be a job interveiw or she might be really good and lucky with her thrift shopping. I know I've snagged some Tommy Hilfiger and other name brand stuff at thrift shops. If you hit the right neighborhood on the right days you might get a good deal at a garage sale, too. Of course fatties like me usually aren't that lucky, but if she's a size 8 or 10 then she might have hit the jackpot more! 

Tatts...if she's young, her tats will look fresher longer. It's when you get into older skin that it shows the wear and tear of life. A lot of times in the African american community it's not unusual for someone to buy another person a tatt-especially if it's a memorial tatt. She might have gotten them in better financial times or she might have gotten them from someone working on their portfolio. I know when I got my tatt it was $30 for a 3 inch by 3 inch square color one. 

Nails...I had a friend when I lived in a trailer park who was going to cosmetology school and needed to practice doing nails. For the cost of materials (under $5) I got a new set of nails every month and fill ins were free! Since we were rather poor, I viewed it as my cheap thrill for the month. After she graduated it went to $25 and I stopped having nice nails! But for that time it was lovely. 

So for under $10 she might have the skills to look like a million dollars! Admire her for that!

OR.....
A friend of ours worked for the Salvation Army and his job was giving out shoe and heating vouchers. He said many times he'd put the $15 Payless voucher or the $50 heating voucher in a hand that had a $60 nail job. It made him very angry when a Mom would come in demanding shoe vouchers for her 5 kids while she was wearing Nike shoes. He also said that he had more offers than he could count for free sex in return for an extra voucher. :huh:

I used to work for a park district and every season we had a guy who came in asking for vouchers for his kids to have free classes or free pool passes. He'd give his tax return and qualify. Then he'd get into his new Lexus or BMW and drive away. He had a new car every year. We always wondered how he swung that.


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## chamoisee (May 15, 2005)

Most of my jeans are Calvin Klein...not because I'm a snob but because that's what fits me the best. Every single pair (as well as the Ralph Laurens) were bought at a thrift store. Asics running shoes- thrift store. Brooks Brothers dress shirts- thrift store. 

I don't know what to say about the manicure. I don't care how much money a woman has, manicures seem like a disgustingly wasteful and unattractive use of cash to me...but that's only my opinion. She could be a kept woman whose man pays for her beauty upkeep but controls her by limiting gas money. She could be a user, like you thought. She could have a job that requires manicures or she could have a job that requires pretty hands and this is her way of curbing a nasty nail biting habit. 

The only thing I can say is that I've found that it does me no good to obsess about why other people dress and act the way that they do. It's a waste of my time and does nothing to further my happiness or productivity.


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## AngieM2 (May 10, 2002)

From the Catholic Charities DC site....

</title> <meta name="keywords" content="" /> <meta name="description" content="" /> <link href="/main.css" type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" /> <title> Catholic Charities

Just to get some idea of what is needed to qualify there.


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## chamoisee (May 15, 2005)

naturelover said:


> Not being familiar with vouchers I have to ask a question about them.
> 
> When the woman in the thrift store was getting a $50 gas voucher, was the voucher free or did she have to pay for the voucher?
> 
> ...


Typically you have to tell them why you need the voucher. Generally you must give some proof of who you are, where you live, what your situation is and what you plan is to become independent. I've asked for a lot of gas vouchers when my son stole all my gas money for the remainder of my fall semester in college. There were times when I hitchhiked to school. Generally there is a limit to how many gas vouchers you can get per place. Sometimes it's a one time thing, other times it's once every 6 months. Some places only give the gas voucher if the need is critical, such as the time my son missed the bus home, stayed overnight at the homeless shelter, and I had enough money to go to town to pick him up, but not enough to get back. 

What I am getting at here is that even if she scammed them once, it isn't something where she will be able to do this repeatedly. They keep track of who they helped and what the story was.


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## Smalltowngirl (Mar 28, 2010)

From Angie's link it looks like there are some pretty strict guidelines for assistance.

*GUIDELINES TO RECEIVE FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE**:
*In order to receive any financial assistance,client must bring the following to the appointment:​ 1. PICTURE ID &#8211; examples: Driver&#8217;s license, work ID, Dept. of Corrections ID, Recreation ID card, etc. (The driver&#8217;s license may be from another state)​ 2. CURRENT PROOF OF ADDRESS &#8211; example: a bill from a utility company, a phone bill, etc.​ 3. PROOF OF EMERGENCY &#8211; example: loss of income, illness, accident, unforeseen expense with paid receipt (such as a car repair/medical bill) etc. Documentation of the emergency is REQUIRED at the time of appointment.​ 4. PROOF OF INCOME &#8211;examples: pay stub, letter from employer on company letterhead, unemployment benefits, Social Security benefit letter, etc.​


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## naturelover (Jun 6, 2006)

chamoisee said:


> The only thing I can say is that I've found that it does me no good to obsess about why other people dress and act the way that they do. It's a waste of my time and does nothing to further my happiness or productivity.


I have to agree with this ^.

I don't understand what the problem is about how the woman was well dressed. ANYBODY who knows how to be a frugal and discriminating shopper can do it on the cheap and look like they just walked out of a high fashionista salon.

I am a very well dressed person, when I get spiffed up I look like I'm worth a million bucks. I color and style my own hair. I do my own manicures and cosmetics. I make my own bodycare products. I make my own jewellery out of real stones and gems that cost me next to nothing. I have ALWAYS done all my clothes shopping at Value Village and thrift stores. That includes furs or leather coats, classy boots and purses, skirts and dresses of silk and fine laces and many "name brand" items, although I couldn't care less about "name brand" and never have. It's what looks good that counts with me, not who made it. 

If other people hate me and judge me because I know how to be a discriminating shopper and how to make myself look good all on the cheap then those people are bitter and poverty stricken in spirit and heart and losers like that won't get any sympathy from me.

.


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## KnowOneSpecial (Sep 12, 2010)

Just because you value things like good muck boots, a hay hauling truck or a purebreed goat doesn't mean everyone does. 

How do you know she wasn't a good thrifter looking at you with sad eyes because you don't value nice nails?! 

Different people have priorities.


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## naturelover (Jun 6, 2006)

Angie and Chamoisee, thanks for the explanations.

.


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## AngieM2 (May 10, 2002)

naturelover - I'm happy you can and do all those things.

BUT, at least in the US there is a large section of those that welfare fraud. The work the system. They may have many under the table incomes, etc.

I did live 2 years in the government assisted housing after the divorce and once I started working again. There were those that really had nice cars, and good clothes and you see them bringing in with the store bags on them, etc.

So, while you may be outstanding and shop such I have not heard you say you go to churches and places to get vouchers.

I totally understand why this was noted by Becka - I've been in the grocery store many years ago and had $20 to shop with, fortunately that was a decent amount back then. The car we had (while I was still married) was one his family had bought for $300 and given to us, and it was about what you'd have expected it to be.

But more than once I've seen the food stamps (before the debit cards) used, on the food we could not purchase, and get into a very new year car. And they do have those cars.

so, you may not have experienced it, but it does happen often 

That is why Becka had those thoughts and why it is not totally out of the realm of being exactly what she said.


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## longshot38 (Dec 19, 2006)

where I want to said:


> Boy that was a loaded whine of mine. I have found myself getting shorter and shorter tempered with such stuff but to have let myself complain like that- I need to apologize.


no worries, we've all felt like that from time to time.

dean


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## Becka03 (Mar 29, 2009)

pumpkin said:


> I didn't miss it. Maybe she has shopped in the store before or perhaps she is one of the people who donates items or volunteers there to pick up items and gets a gas voucher to cover her expenses and thank her for her generosity.
> 
> Depends on the job. Perhaps she is interviewing for a job at a nail salon or as a stripper. Or perhaps she is a hooker who is trying to get out of the life and the church is helping her by paying for a gas voucher to allow her to go to job training and take her kids to daycare. She probably wouldn't change her style of dress and grooming right away.
> 
> ...


There are no hookers in our area- I would be snarky and say there are only old men who prey on disadvantaged kids- aka Sandusky- but that would be beating a dead horse LOL... They are not allowed to give out gifts for donations- only a paper that says what the taxable gift amount is.. so I know it wasn't that- She had to have brought in a welfare receipt that or something like that to receive the gas voucher-that was all I could get out of someone who works there- I am going to ask a friends aunt who volunteers there what the procedures are- just to see...
and if the purse and manicure was a gift- I would be more appalled that a 'friend' would think I would need a 300 dollar purse and a 65 dollar manicure more than food and gas...


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## Becka03 (Mar 29, 2009)

I also wanted to reiterate that I am very grateful for all the posts and responses so far- I have not felt attacked or 'yelled' at all- and veggiecanner- thank you- you are totally right I was frustrated and irritated and wishing I had more money today as I was buying needed shorts for a growing child and not the curtains for 9 bucks and the person getting a freebie just tossed me for a loop- I was hot and irritated .. and really exhausted- I take care of an elderly woman in the evenings - once or twice a week- and I love her to death but last Thurs- my MIL had knee surgery - and FIL can't drive- due to dementia- well they are the type that have $$ but don't keep any food in the house- I have done the grocery shopping- the meal fixing for the freezer for them when we have to work all day so they can eat and doing Physical Therapy with her since last Thursday- Hubby has been staying over there every night and I am having things getting close to wasting in our own fridge that I was up late fixing them LOL- and the laundry - wow- we don't use the dryer to save on electric- it might rain this weekend- so I have been doing laundry each night after work in-between running errands- to hang on the line before bed- 
WHEW- LOL- maybe I shouda just cracked and bought the 9 dollar curtains LOL

50 bucks for gas would rock right about now between running from home to the inlaws!


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## Becka03 (Mar 29, 2009)

veggiecanner said:


> Do you realize you are thew one being judgemental? The OP posted as she is feeling flustrated over the situation that is our country right now. last thing she needs is critisism. Any one living it knows it is a real situation.
> If it was some one who was standing in the food stamp line, you all would be more than compasionate for her.But because she chooses to stand on her own 2 feet she is some how deserving of critisism.
> This isn't about debating the Bible.
> It's about showing support for our fellow forum members.



thanks Veggiecanner- it is exactly the state/situation of the country and the moment hit me bad...
DH and I have said- not really meaning we'd do it- but we know so many around here that do- having him quit his job- and I keep working- we get all the freebies- 
but manalive I can not imagine being dependent on the gooberment
and I am a Christian- that don't mean I am perfect- and it sure as heck don't mean I pretend to be LOL!


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## edcopp (Oct 9, 2004)

Browncoat said:


> There may be another explanation.
> 
> At an office where I used to work, we always wondered how the errand runner who had no education and even less sense could afford the fancy car, the bling, the name brand clothes, and so forth, when she was on public assistance and didn't get paid much at the office for her few hours of work per week. She also had the latest nail job, fancy hair, and expensive phone.
> 
> As it turned out, she was also selling drugs, and that's how she could get all her fancy stuff while us poor working idiots were doing without. Now, I don't expect people on assistance to be totally grungy and disgusting, but I'm always a little suspicious of folks with major bling and all the other goodies living off my hard-earned tax dollars. I just don't trust them.


And they get to vote just like you.:bored:


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## Work horse (Apr 7, 2012)

It's human nature, when we don't know the details, to fill them in with our imagination. Things are not always what they seem.


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## lathermaker (May 7, 2010)

where I want to said:


> Boy that was a loaded whine of mine. I have found myself getting shorter and shorter tempered with such stuff but to have let myself complain like that- I need to apologize.


Don't apologize for stating what a whole bunch of us are thinking!


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> As Believers, we are called to make 'right judgements' (think of the verses about the tree and it's fruit).
> You did NOT condemn her soul, or Judge if she was or was not saved.
> You did use 'a judgement' (think discernment) and that is commanded.
> 
> You have done nothing wrong.





Laura Zone 5 said:


> Ya gotta go back to the Greek.......the ORIGINAL language.
> There are several words judge with several meanings. You really have to dig to understand.
> The English translation did not do the Greek intention justice. Actually has led many to make wrong choices....because they don't understand the language!!
> 
> Nice to see others who 'get it'!!!





veggiecanner said:


> Do you realize you are thew one being judgemental? The OP posted as she is feeling flustrated over the situation that is our country right now. last thing she needs is critisism. Any one living it knows it is a real situation.
> If it was some one who was standing in the food stamp line, you all would be more than compasionate for her.But because she chooses to stand on her own 2 feet she is some how deserving of critisism.
> This isn't about debating the Bible.
> It's about showing support for our fellow forum members.


VC she was not slamming the OP, it was me.


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## pumpkin (May 8, 2012)

Becka03 said:


> There are no hookers in our area- I would be snarky and say there are only old men who prey on disadvantaged kids- aka Sandusky- but that would be beating a dead horse LOL... They are not allowed to give out gifts for donations- only a paper that says what the taxable gift amount is.. so I know it wasn't that- She had to have brought in a welfare receipt that or something like that to receive the gas voucher-that was all I could get out of someone who works there- I am going to ask a friends aunt who volunteers there what the procedures are- just to see...
> and if the purse and manicure was a gift- I would be more appalled that a 'friend' would think I would need a 300 dollar purse and a 65 dollar manicure more than food and gas...


There are hookers in every area. They go by different names - hooker, streetwalker, call girl, escort. Some are visible some are not. The more invisible the higher the price. You would think that the "----ty" quaility of dress would denote the cheaper model but it does not. Many have day jobs. Hookers do not just service the dregs of society. If they did it would not be the billion dollar business it is. If you look around at the people in your life you can bet some of them are using or have used hookers. Probably more than you would ever imagine. Anyways that was just one scenario in my head. 

Perhaps she is a recent widow - even a war widow - who is having trouble getting her life together. Or has a sick husband who is not working. Or someone who recently lost their job or whose husband has lost his. So many people live paycheck to paycheck with no savings that they are completely without funds in a month. They are not leaches, merely foolish and unprepared. That would explain the fact that she is well dressed and expensively groomed yet in financial need. 

Because of work I have done in the past I have had to seriously retrain my thoughts because I always thought the worst first. Still do a lot of the time and yet there are so many charitable possibilites. And that is what charities are for. To help ANYONE when they are in trouble. I remember the first time we did deliveries for the food bank. We went to a neighbourhood that I could only ever dream of living in and the house had a triple garage. The woman who answered the door with a little boy was young. I thought what a lazy person to not even bother to drive to pick up food at the food bank. I mentioned this when went back to the food bank and Father Rob said she is legally blind and her husband just died in a car accident. oops.

And guess what? Here I sit judging you. Sorry - but believe me not harshly. This charitable stuff and understanding people and not jumping to conclusions is harder than it looks.


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

I spent a lot of time thinking about this post and the responses, including mine.
I think that a lot of people have decided that you can not make a decision about the behavior of someone else- that some scenario can always be concocted where it is perfectly good to be doing something that appears bad. The theory is that you are wrong to judge others while, of course, throwing that judgement at the person they perceive as being judgemental.
So I spent some time looking up the origin of the word "judge" which turned out to be, not what we think of as judging, deciding what is right or wrong, but fretting or obsessively moaning and groaning about others. 
I could not see how it is possible not to judge others in the sense of deciding an action is right or wrong, because that would apply to oneself and lead to horrible behavoir. One is not required to be an oblivious fool.

This, I think is OK. I live next door to a woman who is a poop thief. She once asked me, after informing me that I obviously had more than I needed, to take what she wanted from my compost pile. That put my back up and, even though my original feeling was that she could, I said no- at that time I was using all I had for the garden and fields. 
A couple of weeks later, I found a strange garden fork standing in my half gone pile. I asked and sure enough she had been taking it anyway off my property and forget her fork.
I thought about it and decided that "poop" was not worth fighting with a neighbor. especially as I could not really stop her anyway. It did inconvenience me as I found myself sneaking out to my own compost pile at inconvenient times to get a load before it disappeared. But on the whole I let it go.

This does not mean that I am wrong to think that she is dishonest and unneighborly- just that it is harmful to me to waste energy and create anger over poop.

So, I will not feel bad that I think it is most likely that this woman has at best very poor judgement to have spent on "acrylic nails" while being OK to use other people's money, and she would be much better for learning some discretion, I will try not to let it take up too much time or emotion.


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## mekasmom (Jan 19, 2010)

I know it seems unfair. I feel that way sometimes too. But it isn't my business. What she sows, she will reap. The only thing that is my business is my life, my actions, my attitude and things under my God given authority. When something like that bothers me (which does happen on a regular basis), I have to behave and quiet myself like a child weaned from her mother. I repeat over and over Yahweh Ra ah chacer...... Because yahweh is my shepherd, I have no lack......
Look up the Hebrew and meditate on it. You are blessed. That is all you have to know. The other things are just irrelevant.
Psalms 23 (Blue Letter Bible: KJV - King James Version)

Believe me though, I do understand the struggle of not paying attention to what seems wrong. But we are instructed to not fret over those who prosper.... Ps 37.7

Sometimes I wonder if it's not God's way of maturing us to teach us to only rely on Him, and to not envy those who prosper when they seem to be in sin.
Psalm 37:7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.


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## pumpkin (May 8, 2012)

where I want to said:


> ISo I spent some time looking up the origin of the word "judge" which turned out to be, not what we think of as judging, deciding what is right or wrong, but fretting or obsessively moaning and groaning about others.
> 
> 
> That may be the origin of the word "judge" but it also has more modern applications and meanings which is how the word is used today.
> ...


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

But, if you are using ther authority of quote for justification, you should get the quote right.
But I do agree that the point should not be to suspend all judgement, but to learn how to do it well and how to use it.


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## Sunbee (Sep 30, 2008)

I had an out-law niece go to beauty school (my in-laws' in-laws are my out-laws, right?) and those young ladies had to practice their skills on each other. So new hair styles, perms, dye, nail jobs, two or three times a week. Not because they were paying to get them done, but just because they started on the dummies, then each other, then actual clients.


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## meanwhile (Dec 13, 2007)

Hang in there.


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## mpillow (Jan 24, 2003)

Somehow part of me thinks that learning to size up or judge a situation, person, what have you... is a VERY necessary skill to have....especially as times get tougher....I'm not going to invite the people dressed like that with their hand out to come help save my farm....guess what I'll likely end up without?

On a good note....I went to the Food Pantry today and got a car load of "pig food"...I salvaged enough peaches/plums/nectarines/strawberries to make 3 pint of jam and 3 pint of sauce for pancakes...it was entirely too hot for canning but my family will thank me later!........and........
Some free books that we will read and return next week, some "old"(not really) frozen food....a Friendly's ice cream cake(still good)....my kids have wanted ice cream for 2 weeks!

I try to bring a dzn of our eggs each week for the folks that run the show....and we help pack things up for the next town....and of course we discuss gardens...its very much encouraged...

I wonder if the fake nails woman offered to sort and price for an hour or so in exchange for that voucher....? Was she kind or impatient? Was she grateful? Did she wish the person well that waited on her? Did she appear to be drunk or stoned or otherwise cracked up?

There is room here for both Biblical teachings and a good dose of common sense...


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## Guest (Jul 7, 2012)

mpillow said:


> Somehow part of me thinks that learning to size up or judge a situation, person, what have you... is a VERY necessary skill to have....especially as times get tougher....I'm not going to invite the people dressed like that with their hand out to come help save my farm....guess what I'll likely end up without?
> ...


We have found as the economy gets worse there are more scams and scammers. It's been my experience that they will use any thing to get your dollars and your living.
Part of survival may be being able to judge who is a a taker. And i see it getting worse as the goverment us unable to provide, they will look to others who are trying to do for them selves for what they can get or take.
The original poster was on her guard and that's not a bad thing.
As sad as it may seem it will be up to them to prove they are not takers.
As much as it is up to us to figure them out.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

I think we need to remember who sits in judgement and pay attention to the moats in our own eyes.

Things are not always as they appear.

And if they were, she wasn't stealing from YOU, she was stealing from GOD, which makes it none of your business. He can handle it Himself without our indignation and sour grapes.


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## chamoisee (May 15, 2005)

Sunbee said:


> I had an out-law niece go to beauty school (my in-laws' in-laws are my out-laws, right?) and those young ladies had to practice their skills on each other. So new hair styles, perms, dye, nail jobs, two or three times a week. Not because they were paying to get them done, but just because they started on the dummies, then each other, then actual clients.


When I was young and homeless, my husband decided it would be fun to take me to the beauty school and get me made over, for $6. I didn't really want to as makeup has never been my thing, but he was insistent. Now picture a young woman dressed in shabby clothes that have only been washed by hand in the river, riding a bicycle with whatever belongings on it, looking every part of a homeless person, only with full makeup, done up hair and manicured and pained fingernails! I was so embarrassed. People stared as I pedaled past them. It was a relief to wash it all off....


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## Guest (Jul 7, 2012)

Laura said:


> I think we need to remember who sits in judgement and pay attention to the moats in our own eyes.
> 
> Things are not always as they appear.
> 
> And if they were, she wasn't stealing from YOU, she was stealing from GOD, which makes it none of your business. He can handle it Himself without our indignation and sour grapes.


It is our business to make sure that charities that we give to, don't waste.
At least it used to be. There is all kinds of information on charities so we know how they use the funds, and we can pick and choose,
We cann't blindly give.


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## tailwagging (Jan 6, 2005)

since it was a church they may think

Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you
Matthew 5:42


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## Becka03 (Mar 29, 2009)

Oh believe me I am sure the minute I get to Heaven the first words outta God's mouth are gonna be " Welcome Home Amanda, let me explain why A,B and C comments and thoughts were totally unnecessary, but, you are still coming in"

that is why we have churches- if we were perfect we wouldn't need'em- but guess what- we have them - on almost every other block LOL


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## triple divide (Jan 7, 2010)

Finally, my wife brings the truck home not nearly out of gas, and everybody gets all riled up... Geez!


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Becka03 said:


> Oh believe me I am sure the minute I get to Heaven the first words outta God's mouth are gonna be " Welcome Home Amanda, let me explain why A,B and C comments and thoughts were totally unnecessary, but, you are still coming in"
> 
> that is why we have churches- if we were perfect we wouldn't need'em- but guess what- we have them - on almost every other block LOL


Lemme see if I have this about right:

Life, is frustrating enough, and when you observe what appears to be an 'injustice', well, that's it!!!
You vent.
Ok.
Others out there can totally see where you are coming from.
Some attack.
Some accuse.
Some pull out Scriptures to help teach and correct.
Some just listen.

At the end of the day, the* emotion* called 'frustration / injustice / and uncomfortable (heat related)' took over.
You didn't condemn this woman to hell by Judging her. That is why we should NEVER allow 'emotions' to reign and rule our lives.
And yes, each one of us will be called to account for every word we have spoken............that' why it's "eternal life" because you poor souls inline behind me have a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG wait. 

No sweat sis.
Pray, ask for forgiveness, pray the Lord helps you see others through His Eyes, and Praise Him for His Mercy.
Done!
Have an amazing day today!!!


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## mekasmom (Jan 19, 2010)

tailwagging said:


> since it was a church they may think
> 
> Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you
> Matthew 5:42


We were the buyers at a mission for a few years. ( you know, we bought the meat, beans, bread, shoes, backpacks, school supplies, etc among other things) This was how I felt. It really bothered me (angered me) when the mission would pick and choose who to turn away or who to help. I know we were sending 75 garbage bags of clothing and things a week to GoodWill, yet I saw them turn away people way too often. They would say things like they "didn't want to feed the spirit of greed" by giving things to people too often. Or they would say that if they gave people too much then they would turn around and sell it, so they made the rule that people could only come get help once every three months.

That attitude really bothers me. Isn't God big enough to take care of those types of abuses? I think if we had the stuff, and they said they were in need, then we should give it to them. If they are lying or "using" us, then let Jesus take care of it. I just couldn't understand their unwillingness to help some people. I remember once when an older man came in and got 4 shirts. One of the women there was having a fit because we should have only allowed him to have 2. That was ridiculous. We sent dozens of extra shirts a week to GoodWill, so why not give them to someone in need instead? We had more than enough to give many to a person in need.

It's a good thing we worked in the financial office instead of the intake office. We would have helped almost every person who came in instead of trying to judge whether they really "needed" it or not.


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## tailwagging (Jan 6, 2005)

mekasmom said:


> We were the buyers at a mission for a few years. ( you know, we bought the meat, beans, bread, shoes, backpacks, school supplies, etc among other things) This was how I felt. It really bothered me (angered me) when the mission would pick and choose who to turn away or who to help. I know we were sending 75 garbage bags of clothing and things a week to GoodWill, yet I saw them turn away people way too often. They would say things like they "didn't want to feed the spirit of greed" by giving things to people too often. Or they would say that if they gave people too much then they would turn around and sell it, so they made the rule that people could only come get help once every three months.
> 
> That attitude really bothers me. Isn't God big enough to take care of those types of abuses? I think if we had the stuff, and they said they were in need, then we should give it to them. If they are lying or "using" us, then let Jesus take care of it. I just couldn't understand their unwillingness to help some people. I remember once when an older man came in and got 4 shirts. One of the women there was having a fit because we should have only allowed him to have 2. That was ridiculous. We sent dozens of extra shirts a week to GoodWill, so why not give them to someone in need instead? We had more than enough to give many to a person in need.
> 
> It's a good thing we worked in the financial office instead of the intake office. We would have helped almost every person who came in instead of trying to judge whether they really "needed" it or not.


they should have given him 7. so everyday of the week he would remember that someone cared.


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## MJsLady (Aug 16, 2006)

The clothes, purse and shoes could have been thrift store finds. Just giving benefit of doubt on it.

As stated the nails and hair could be the work of friends, gift cards for a bday or something.


I watched a bit on TV. A reporter was asking MEN, young grown able bodied men in a food stamp line about things like cable, cell phones, high speed internet, game systems and so forth. 

Now for some a cell is needed since cells can be cheaper than a regular land line. (We are on such a plan) Internet can be helpful in searching for deals but high speed is not needed for that, you can also use a library computer.

How ever these funky dressed men (new clothes designed to look like bums) had cable and at least 1 game system. When asked what they did they said played games all day. 

These are the kind of folks I want off the dole.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

veggiecanner said:


> It is our business to make sure that charities that we give to, don't waste.
> At least it used to be. There is all kinds of information on charities so we know how they use the funds, and we can pick and choose,
> We cann't blindly give.


Sure, as Christians giving through church charities, we MUST operate in the fruits of the flesh because it pertains to OUR MONEY. Nevermind what Scipture says.

If you can't give with a cheerful heart, don't give.

I work for pay and volunteer for a secular community-supported charitable organization. Part of the work is in a building shared with two other community-supported agencies. When you feed the sparrows, eventually the crows and rats show up. The rats are starting to come in and we deal. We've always had the crows. 

We feed and clothe and house and protect huge numbers of sparrows, some for a short while, some are long-term. We treat them with dignity, they are a part of our community and are persons of value. I even talk to our clients socially when I see them away from work.


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## mekasmom (Jan 19, 2010)

Laura said:


> If you can't give with a cheerful heart, don't give.


That is true. If we don't "let go" of the gift we give, we really aren't giving it correctly at all. It is important to sow into good ground. But we have to judge good ground by scripture rather then by the flesh.


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## Smallhomestead (Feb 25, 2011)

Becka from what you said it sounds like you are burned out and need time to relax. 22 years in the medical field have taught me there are givers and takers but when you are running around like you are it frustrates you that there are people who look like they need no help but are getting it. Just relax for a few hours. Once took care of a women who had eight kids and all the bling and hairdo and nails done. I made the mistake of asking how she could afford all that with 8 kids she politely told me she doesn't sleep with poor men. Every since I learned to relax and let GOD do his thing. I will pray for you


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## Becka03 (Mar 29, 2009)

well well well- all that praying for me- LOL- the sermon today was in line exactly with what I needed to hear- the parable about the vineyard landowner who hires all the people every few hours and they all get paid the same- and how it isn't about whining that you worked harder or longer- it is about God's Grace- we all get a chance to have it- no matter what...
I thanked the Pastor- it was a good sermon one I needed to hear!!!!


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## Sonshine (Jul 27, 2007)

where I want to said:


> I spent a lot of time thinking about this post and the responses, including mine.
> I think that a lot of people have decided that you can not make a decision about the behavior of someone else- that some scenario can always be concocted where it is perfectly good to be doing something that appears bad. The theory is that you are wrong to judge others while, of course, throwing that judgement at the person they perceive as being judgemental.
> So I spent some time looking up the origin of the word "judge" which turned out to be, not what we think of as judging, deciding what is right or wrong, but fretting or obsessively moaning and groaning about others.
> I could not see how it is possible not to judge others in the sense of deciding an action is right or wrong, because that would apply to oneself and lead to horrible behavoir. One is not required to be an oblivious fool.
> ...


All of us come to conclusions based on our own life experiences. I am very slow about judging others, but that has not always been the case. What changed my way of thinking was back in 1976 when my first two kids died in a housefire. A couple of weeks after the fire I was in a grocery store with my Dad. Now this happened in a very small town. I heard a couple of ladies in line behind us discussing the fire and what I heard shocked me. One of the ladies made a comment that she had heard the Mother of those babies (talking about me) had left the children alone to walk down the street to Dairy Queen. I was shocked that people that knew nothing about me, and obviously nothing about what happened that day, were discussing me in such a way. I wish I had not been there, because if I hadn't I wouldn't have seen sights that no mother should have to witness. Since that day I try to be very careful about judging others without knowing the whole story.


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

What a horrible experience. Both the fact and having to listen to stuff like that when you were so hurting. 
I still can not see that judging can be avoided. As I have aged, I have found many more opportunities to keep my mouth shut and to be aware I don't know all the facts. But that is more about not spreading gossip than not holding an opinion. 
If you see someone holding a cell phone to their ear while driving, do you not decide that person is to be watched as a distracted driver? If you see someone with multiple tattoos of an ugly nature, do you decide to keep your distance? If you see someone in the position of asking for support from strangers, do you not try to take thought about how to avoid being there yourself? You don't know any of these things are valid judgements, and I would never suggest taking action against a person based on these ideas. But these thoughts are food for thought about taking care of yourself and others. 
To judge constantly is how people are- it is unavoidable. What you do, if you have the opportunity to do anything, based on these judgements is something else.


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## mekasmom (Jan 19, 2010)

Sonshine said:


> One of the ladies made a comment that she had heard the Mother of those babies (talking about me) had left the children alone to walk down the street to Dairy Queen. I was shocked that people that knew nothing about me, and obviously nothing about what happened that day, were discussing me in such a way.


I'm so sorry. As any mother who looses a child, I have heard some stupid things said too. It just digs in like a stake when your heart is so broken anyway.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

mekasmom said:


> I'm so sorry. As any mother who looses a child, I have heard some stupid things said too. It just digs in like a stake when your heart is so broken anyway.


For the most part, people don't know what to do or what to say when a child dies. When my baby died of SIDS, the most viscious, untrue gossip came out of the mouths of women who'd been warming the pews of their church for 50 years.

By their fruits ye shall know them.


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