# When You Die?



## big rockpile (Feb 24, 2003)

Ok we decided to be Cremated and have a Big Party.

Got a friend we have known for years going back to Kansas to die from Cancer I've been keeping an eye on for years.

I asked my wife if we wanted to just have a Regular Funeral for the next couple generations to visit our Grave. She said not that many would visit lets just go as planned.

Another question. If I get Cancer I'm really thinking of not doing the Cemo because it has always made all I know that has been so sick.

What are your thoughts?

big rockpile


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## Clem (Apr 12, 2016)

Rather not suffer, or be hooked up to pipes and wires. I've lived a good life, and when it's time to go, I'm packed. 

As to what happens to my body, the forensic body farm at WCU. Lay out in the sun, and rot. Just like nature intended. Screw spending thousands of dollars to preserve my body, my memory, or anything else. I was given this life, I've used it good, and I'll leave no real damage to the earth when I'm gone. 

With cancer, they'll probably give you enough pain medication to save up, and leave from here when you just can't take it anymore. Do not be afraid, you're living every second until the last one. 

Don'y worry, live life now.


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## chindian (Sep 8, 2014)

Everyone in my family has been cremated, so there's no question about that. In my culture one would commemorate the dead every year on the anniversary of their death, but my parent's generation stopped doing that.
As for cancer, it's hard to say unless you've been there. When mortality is staring you in the face, could you really just give in? Or would you want to hold on to this life as long as possible? I think it would depend how old I am, how old my kids are, etc. I would probably go the raw juicing health nut route before chemo. I think....


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

Well it depends on the cancer way I see it. I know of a few women who are still going strong 20 years after having breast cancer. One of the guys I hunted with lived 15 years after prostrate cancer to the ripe old age of 85.
I guess if you don't have the will to fight you might just as well go crawl under a rock some place and die.

I saw back in the 1970's people do not visit kin's grave sites on decoration day like they did in my youth. I have decided to just be cremated in a old fridge box and ashes flung out a car window going down a old two lane farm road.

 Al


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## po boy (Jul 12, 2010)

alleyyooper said:


> *Well it depends on the cancer way I see it. *I know of a few women who are still going strong 20 years after having breast cancer. One of the guys I hunted with lived 15 years after prostrate cancer to the ripe old age of 85.
> *I guess if you don't have the will to fight you might just as well go crawl under a rock some place and die.*
> 
> I saw back in the 1970's people do not visit kin's grave sites on decoration day like they did in my youth. I have decided to just be cremated in a old fridge box and ashes flung out a car window going down a old two lane farm road.
> ...


Yes Al, It does depend on the type and has little to do with will!
I know a lady that was diagnosed with breast cancer December 2013. She had a lumpectomy and radiation. This lady was diagnosed December 2015 with breast cancer, went through chemo and had a double mastectomy. Diagnosed March 2017 with cancer of the brain as well as several lesions in her lower body. Was told she had 6 to 8 weeks to live unless she had radiation of the full brain. She did that and agreed to chemo if it included a promising trial study. That study required new scans. Scans came back with new brain tumors, all tumors in body increased is size and many new ones. Her liver has so many tumors they can't count them and the main vein feeding the liver is clogged. The results of the new scan eliminated her chance of getting the trial. The doctor suggested more brain radiation and the problem with that is they still can't treat the lower body tumors until 21 plus days after radiation is done. She is in a catch 22 and chose no other treatment. That lady is my wife, she didn't lose her will she ran out of options.

It's not like buying a one size fits all hat!!

She has chosen cremation and her ashes will be spread on our farm in her beloved Enchanted Forest!!


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## Micheal (Jan 28, 2009)

po boy, I can sorta and I repeat sorta, feel what your going though and can relate....
Wife here over 6 years ago was diagnosed with cancer. She went though the radiation and chemo and was told she was "cancer free".
For over 5 years she was "cancer free" then opps, ahhh, well ah, it came back, that was just less than a year ago. Then she was told surgery was her only way to "cure" it; BUT due to past chemo etc. they may have to remove more "stuff" because of the scar tissue and damage done.
She elected no surgery; much to the dismay of others - I do support and live with her decision - I have never nor will express anything other than her wishes........
This past Jan another chemo was approved for her cancer and she elected to go though the treatment; she finished treatment five weeks ago. We now are waiting for the results of some tests and have some scans, etc on the schedule.
Hopefully.........

Back to big rockpile's question - we both are to be cremated as was our son. No, pomp nor dragged on display for people to say how good we look  or to ease their guilt for whatever they feel guilty about.......

Let me add, because of what my wife has and is going though, if I was told that I had cancer that would be the end of it. I would live with the diagnose to the end - no treatment or surgery..... that's why my other post about healthcare proxy is so important.....


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## po boy (Jul 12, 2010)

Thanks Michael,

In my wife's case it is not curable, just a little more time in diapers and drooling.


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## [email protected]n. (Sep 16, 2009)

My wife is adamant about being cremated.
Now I am considering it also.
instead of giving all that money to the cremators, we will do like my oldest sister did after her husband died. rent a hall and have a nice sit down meal..

my dad had cancer. he always said that if he ever got cancer he would not be cut open.
he believed that once they cut on you, the cancer would spread like wild fire.
he stuck to that belief. 

there is no way to compare which way is best.
because you can't go both ways and then choose..

if I follow in my dad's outcome, I will also choose no cutting..

.......jiminwisc......


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## sisterpine (May 9, 2004)

I have given this topic much thought and I would like a funeral pyre here on the farm and then do what ever with any remaining bones. Regarding the cancer ordeal: I believe I would give some kind of cure a try on the first appearance if the cancer were fixable. Were it going to be surgery/chemo/radiation for a possible fix I would likely just finish my life when I choose to end it.


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## Wolf mom (Mar 8, 2005)

At 73, If I were to be diagnosed with cancer or another stressful illness, I would just go peacefully. That's what Hospice is for. I've lived a full, interesting life. Not much more I could ask for. 
All set up to be cremated with my ashes mixed with forget-me-not seeds to be strewn alongside a stream.


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## In The Woods (Apr 27, 2017)

I've put some thought into this. I have a couple diseases that will shorten my life quite a bit. I'm not yet 60 years old but feel that these diseases have added 20 years to my life already.

Cancer - no treatment for me. I already suffer daily with pain, fatigue, and immobility. In fact one of my medications is actually for cancer but at a very low dose. Please just give me something for the pain and let me try to enjoy my final days. No heroic measures and no cancer teatments.

My wife is in a similar situation. I always remember when I ask her what she would like for her birthday every year - her response is to have a pain free day.

We both still have the fight to keep going the best we can, but with something like cancer I think it is just time to go as easily as possible at that point.

I don't want a funeral or burial. Just spread my ashes in the woods where I am happiest.


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## po boy (Jul 12, 2010)

Wolf mom said:


> At 73, If I were to be diagnosed with cancer or another stressful illness, I would just go peacefully. That's what Hospice is for. I've lived a full, interesting life. Not much more I could ask for.
> All set up to be cremated with my ashes mixed with forget-me-not seeds to be strewn alongside a stream.


I'd like to push up some tomatoes!


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## big rockpile (Feb 24, 2003)

Ok I've been watching for Esophagus Cancer was told once you have it, most you have is two years.

As far as being Cremated thought about having this done. Big Party down at the river where we was Baptized and discreetly put my ashes in the river. 

big rockpile


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

My brother had Esophagus Cancer 2013, they removed part of it plus chemo. Cancer of the liver 2015 again removed part of it and chemo and is still alive today. In fact his e Mail to me this morning was about cutting his lawn with the lawn tractor, trimming around flower beds, trees and shrubs. Then using his push mower in places to tight for his lawn tractor yesterday. For weeks he has been telling me about starting seeds for his garden when it warms and dry's up. Saturday he was hauling sand to fill a hole in his drive way.

 Al


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## emdeengee (Apr 20, 2010)

It takes courage to live and it takes courage to die. No decision is wrong. I think it all depends on what you have to live for and if you feel that you have had enough time. It also depends on the treatment you can get and the cost. 

I have been fighting my blood cancer which is incurable for nearly 11 years now. A friend of my neighbour was diagnosed with the same cancer at the same time as I. She decided that she would not have chemo or any modern treatment but went with natural treatments. She died after just 14 months. Her choice but she left a 10 and 7 year old behind. I had no intention of leaving my family and wanted more time so did what was necessary. And yes I was sick.

But as my best friend said - just hang on until the next discovery comes along. Two Stem cell transplants and one type of chemo kept me going until this new chemo I am on which is having exceptional results with me and around the world. 

I live in a country with universal health care so knew that I would get exceptional treatment and my fight for my life would not bankrupt my family. I wish this for everyone.


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## Jlynnp (Sep 9, 2014)

I have been diagnosed with cancer twice. Had surgery both times and a full recovery, I know I was fortunate. If I am diagnosed with it again it will depend on a lot of factors what my decision will be.

However when the time comes I will be cremated and my ashes will be mixed with those of a couple of my dogs who I have had cremated as well. We will then be scattered on the family farm.


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

I told my doc at my yearly physical years ago that I only plan to live until I die, all I pay him for is to prescribe braces or anti inflammatory or lowest level pain meds to help me move through the pains I cant suppress with my mental concentration as I get older and closer to dead and I am not interested in any lifestyle changes to add to the dementia and adult diaper years on the back end of however many years I have left.

When he suggested the prostate exam, I told him mine worked fine for the things it's function was related to so my answer was no.

Then he asked about cancer screening and I told him I was not interested because unlike folks in his industry, I considered cancer a normal no fault thinning of the herd by nature and although many folks wanted to live as long as they could and willing to swap all they have for a little extra time, if I ever contracted cancer that would just indicate I was close to finishing my living until I was dead and I would finish enjoying my time here at home.


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## Fishindude (May 19, 2015)

I want to go peacefully in my sleep like grandpa.
Not screaming, yelling and in a panic like the passengers in the car he was driving


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## Pyrpup2016 (Sep 11, 2016)

I've given this subject a good deal of thought also. There is a site - Final Exit - which demonstrates how to end your own life painlessly - I fully intend to do that. Also have stockpiled opiod pain killers if I choose to do it that way. I don't want to spend time in a nursing home or hospital as a veg. Of course, situations change, and I hope I'm in control enough to do it when I want to! My daughter is well aware of my feelings, knows where everything she needs to get to will be. I'm about to be 75, in good enough health right now, just a lot of pain from PMR and arthritis. Can't take pain meds because of poor kidney numbers. Will be cremated, because we live too far from old family burial sites to use them.


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## Murby (May 24, 2016)

I think its important to note that you should have the party first, then get cremated... It doesn't work so well the other way around.. 
The best way to end your life painlessly is to put a bag over your head and insert a tube connected to a helium tank.. its painless, enjoyable, reliable, and doesn't make a mess. Its cheap too..

Just make sure you buy the helium six months ahead of time.. it would look bad if you buy it, off yourself, and the media starts labeling helium as a dangerous substance that needs to be controlled.


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## Pyrpup2016 (Sep 11, 2016)

I don't know about the helium, but CO2, or dry ice, will do the trick and quickly. Available at most grocery stores to keep items cold on the way home (don't drive with windows closed and AC recirculating air, or you might not make it home!) I've used it on small animals that need to be dispatched - cats, chickens, rabbits. They die very quickly with no evidence of distress at all. Google it!


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## big rockpile (Feb 24, 2003)

Ok few years ago I almost died in the Hospital. I was basically out of it, the Doctor kept talking to me asking if I was still in this World. It wouldn't have been Bad if I wasn't like I say I was out of it and no pain.

big rockpile


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## FCLady (Jan 23, 2011)

Sometimes it's the pressure of family not wanting to lose you that makes cancer patients go thru what they do.
I had a lump on my thyroid and a history of thyroid cancer in my family. After a few biopsies they said it was benign.
Well, it started to grow so they removed the lump with my thyroid. At my follow up exam doctor said "oh yah, it was cancer."
I did the radiation pill for a week. No problems since with cancer just problems not having a thyroid!!!

I think making the decision before is wise. I know I'll not go through chemo or radiation again. I know my DH doesn't want to either. Both his parents and my mom all died from cancer.


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## Harrier (Mar 1, 2015)

Where there is a will, there is a dead man.


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## SLFarmMI (Feb 21, 2013)

Anyone that knows me knows that I detest the whole stuffy, stodgy funeral thing. And since putting my body on a wooden boat, lighting it up and pushing it into one of the Great Lakes is probably illegal here, I'm going with cremation and sprinkling my ashes in our woods under the black walnut trees. Then I want the remaining friends and family to have a loud, raucous, drunken party in our meadow. I want someone to be in charge of blasting my playlist from my iPod until someone calls the Sheriff. I expect the bourbon and moonshine to be flowing liberally (although not in the same glass, that would be gauche). I don't want tears but I do expect hangovers or I won't feel it was a proper sendoff.


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## MELQ (Feb 27, 2011)

id like a simple pine box and buried on my land


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## thequeensblessing (Mar 30, 2003)

I had breast cancer 21 years ago. Because I agreed to treatment, I've had 21 awesome, amazing years with those I love. I was a much younger person then, but if it were today, I'd probably go through treatment. If the cancer continued to spread despite treatment, I'd most likely give in and die as peacefully and with as much dignity as I could muster given the circumstances after ending treatment. I'm not one who fears death to the point of making life agony for myself or those I care about, but I love life and would do what I could to preserve it, within reason. I think its a personal and intimate choice for everyone. As far as treatment of my remains goes, as long as I'm buried alongside my eternal companion, I don't care where I am. Just don't spend a small fortune on it. Do it as inexpensively as possible but with as much dignity as possible.


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