# Want To Homeschool 8th Grader



## Peacock (Apr 12, 2006)

My son is in 7th grade right now. For the last 3 years he's been really struggling in school. He's very bright - was put in the gifted program in 5th grade but blew it same as he always does because he won't put in the effort. He can get 100% grades when he tries, but it's just as likely he'll bring home scores in the 50s. And he is *terrible* about turning in homework even when he does it. 

We have tried everything I can think of - taking away computer/video games, grounding him, rewarding him for doing well, etc. He'll do great for a little while then slip right back again. 

He's just like ME. I had the same problem as a kid, gifted but erratic. Just couldn't get it together, at least not till high school - and that's partly because I went to a different school, a private school that gave me more attention and held me more accountable. Well, I don't know what they did, but somehow it worked for me and I made honor roll.

Sending him to a private school isn't an option. I've been wanting to homeschool him for years now, but my husband refused to consider it. He believes that homeschooled kids have crippled social skills (of course I know that's untrue) and since we moved to this area specifically because it has good schools - pay higher taxes for it - he considers it a waste. I'm not completely sold on the quality of the school. Let's just say in my experience the ratings are based on test scores, but they don't tell the whole story.

On the other hand, my daughter is doing very well and always has. But she's a different kind of kid.

Now hubby is finally ready to consider homeschooling. At first he put it out there as a threat. A threat! I seized the opportunity and explained that our state has a great homeschool curriculum, it's free, and we *are* paying for it through taxes too, so why not use it? 

I would be an awesome home school teacher. With my personal attention and enthusiasm, I am sure he would be able to get the grades he's capable of getting - and maybe even start to care about his education. 

My problem is that hubby's still holding it out as a threat. Every time my son's grades slip again, "that's it, we're gonna homeschool you," and my son wails Noooooo! It shouldn't be a threat. It should just be an option.

I would think he'd *want* to be homeschooled. I explained the benefits. He'd get to sleep late. Neither of us are morning people, and getting up at 5:30 to catch the bus is the pits. He could eat what he wants for lunch. He would only have to work 3-4 hours a day and then have free time. He could eat snacks while doing his work. We could go on field trips when everyone else is in school. What's not to like?

But he'd miss his friends. Well, there are always sports and Scouts - but now he wants to quit Boy Scouts which baffles me. I think he can still participate in school sports if he's homeschooled - is that right or wrong? He's a wrestler. And maybe he could even go to school for some stuff like PE or Art - I'm not sure how that works. And of course he can still see his friends socially! Plus there are homeschool groups in town. He could make new friends.

And I guess it's just not "cool" spending all that time with mom, at age 13. Bummer. 

And I also suppose next year girls will be more of a factor than they are now. OMG, if he's having trouble now, what will it be like when the hormones hit full force and there are girls all around?

Could anybody give me some advice about doing this - am I right or wrong about the whole thing, just tell me if I'm totally misguided. And regarding keeping up with his school friends, the sports etc. And how the heck I can stop my husband from acting like homeschool is a punishment. Ugh.


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## Lisa in WA (Oct 11, 2004)

Edayna, knowing you from your posts over the years, I would suggest The Calvert School's curriculum.
It only goes up to 8th grade but it is a beautifully classical curriculum. Lots of literature and writing. It really is a great program. 
And everything you need comes with it. You open up the Parent Education guide and the lessons are already planned out for you. 
My youngest daughter did 5th, 6th and 7th grade thru Calvert and skipped 8th grade and went right into high school where she holds a 3.95 GPA at the end of her sophomore year.


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## Peacock (Apr 12, 2006)

I'll definitely look into it.

That is another good reason to homeschool. I'm not entirely sure he is ready to move on to 8th grade right now. If I homeschool him, we can help him catch up and get him back on track in time for high school.


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## Lisa in WA (Oct 11, 2004)

edayna said:


> I'll definitely look into it.
> 
> That is another good reason to homeschool. I'm not entirely sure he is ready to move on to 8th grade right now. If I homeschool him, we can help him catch up and get him back on track in time for high school.


Absolutely. When we took Caroline out after 4th grade we had to split Calvert's 5th grade curriculum into 2 school years till she caught up. She really learned how to study!
Even if he didn't like Calvert...you would love teaching it!


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## kinderfeld (Jan 29, 2006)

I would suggest to your husband that you try it out over the summer break. You should also go to your local library get him and you some books to read about it. My local library has a couple books that list different types of boxed curriculum, along with information on each. The library is a very wonderful resource. 

Now I will tell you in Indiana it is up to the local public school superintendant if the homeschool child can be involved in their sports. Ours won't permit our children. He stated "If our schools are not good enough to send your child, then no." 

Have you researched homeschooling laws in your state? You can check out the homeschool legal defence association at www.hslda.org The website will have your state laws and connections for homeschool groups. 

Currently we use the Abeka progam. Our child is in Kindgergarten and enjoys it. NOw for my stepson we just pulled him out of 6th grade and our trying to fix what he struggled with in public school. We use Saxon math, National Geographic, library books, and the state park has educational activities on weekends we go to. I have used www.worldbook.com/typical-course-of-study as a guide for him. 

Hope this helped!


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## Ohio dreamer (Apr 6, 2006)

edayna said:


> I think he can still participate in school sports if he's homeschooled - is that right or wrong? He's a wrestler. And maybe he could even go to school for some stuff like PE or Art - I'm not sure how that works.


No one here can advise you on this, really. The rules are made by your state and school district. Where we live if you are not enrolled in the school system (online public school does not count) then no school sports or classes. Your best bet for good information it to check with the local homeschool groups you mentioned and your school district for this topic. Some of the other school districts in our county allow kid to take one or two classes, but none allow sports.


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## mekasmom (Jan 19, 2010)

Intelligent, gifted kids do great with child directed curriculum. Honestly, we homeschooled for well over 15yrs, and I have seen dozens and dozens and dozens of homeschoolers over the last 20yrs come and go. With the attitude that you have about your son not putting in his best effort, not caring about his education, and you feeling your enthusiasm will solve it with a structured curriculum..... You are looking at problems. He will be resistant, not want to do the work you put in front of him, there will be a power struggle.

If he isn't excited about what he is learning and wants to learn it, it's not going to be easy, especially at that age. Gifted kids who are not motivated, as you are describing your son, do not do well in a forced structured curriculum. He needs to learn something he wants to learn. 

I thing trying homeschooling is an excellent idea. But when you become frustrated at his resistance, then consider switching to a child directed learning type program. He would flourish in that.

I've seen so, so many moms so discouraged because they buy tons of structured materials that they are so excited about, but the kid is resistant. Expecting them to do three worksheets a day in 5 subjects on things that do not excite them is really difficult. What works better in most cases is letting the child study, research, write and do labs about something that interests him. If he loves building, then let him build something, look up architectural ideas, figure out the angles he will need for roof joists of a clubhouse or whatever. If he loves computers, then get him a couple of good Programming books along with a Visual Basic program and tell him you expect him to program a new video game by Friday. If he likes playing piano, then have him research his favorite composer, give you a report on the composer, learn to play a song by the composer, then compose his own song in a similar tone. If he likes making movies then tell him to make one, write a script or documentary and direct his own movie. Whatever excites him, make the work you assign be part of his passion.

So my advice would be, YES, homeschool. And if you want to buy a structured curriculum, that's fine. But I wouldn't spend a lot of money on it at first. If he does great in structured curriculum "in a box" then great. But if and when you run into attitude problems, and I would imagine that you will, then consider fitting your "school" into his interests instead of being upset if he isn't interested in the boxed curriculum. A lot of the boys, especially the ones who are resistant at school, just don't like the super structured boxed curriculums.


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## mekasmom (Jan 19, 2010)

As far as sports, most homeschoolers find private sources for sports, music, arts. My boys did soccer with the part district, DD did ballet and gymnastics. My DIL took piano lessons privately, as did my son, and she also took flute and violin from the university.
There are homeschooling basketball leagues that have a big tournament every year in Colorado (I think). I know one of the boys in the first Coop we were part of actually went to Russia to play in the Basketball tournaments at one time.
Even if it is legal for the schools in your state to take in homeschoolers, they are often met with resistance at the local level. Hopefully you will have a better experience with your local school than most homeschoolers throughout the nation do when it comes to sports/band/art.
Homeschool coops are a wonderful way for your kids to meet other homeschoolers and have social times with them, plus drama, lab, sports, etc.


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## Peacock (Apr 12, 2006)

I hear what you're saying about the structured curriculum. I would agree with you if he wasn't already going into 8th grade. If he were a younger student I would be thrilled with the unstructured, child-led approach that let us just kind of free-form his education, but at this point he needs something that can be evaluated consistently. And also, this is considering that he's coming from 8 years of public school already. It's what he's used to. 

If I tell him he has to do this or that - because the OHVA requires it - it's gonna carry a lot more clout than if I just arbitrarily say we're doing this or that today. Their rules, not mine. BUT--I am the one who helps him, encourages him, gives him attention to help him stay organized and on track. 

I've given this some thought, about the sports thing. All he does right now is the wrestling team. It'd be sad to see him off the team, but we were kind of upset at the way it was handled last year anyhow - and there is an *excellent* private program right up the road from us that a lot of kids from the school participate in anyway. 

My intention at this point is to homeschool one year and get him prepared well for re-entry into public high school. BUT . . . honestly if it does go very well, I'm willing to do it for another 4 years. I'm considering all the pros and cons of public high school - I don't want him to miss out on all of those wonderful memories and experiences, but then again, if his academic world crashes and burns . . . you know. His 5th grade teacher was so upset at his lack of success that she warned me of the terrible future she envisioned for my son--the wrong crowd, drugs and all that--I think she was projecting a bit because he's not like that at all, but I saw her point all the same. 

My daughter is also considering homeschooling for next year. I don't know how she'd handle it because her social life is SO important to her, she'd miss out on JROTC and sideline basketball cheer . . . and besides, she's doing very well. They are totally different kids.

Would it be weird homeschooling him and sending her to school? I don't know. She's always been the squeaky wheel while he's quieter and kind of keeps to himself, so I think it might be nice to have all day to devote to just him. Might be just what it takes to help him bloom.

One more thing - from what I've gleaned so far, Ohio seems to be very friendly to homeschoolers. I've heard anecdotal reports of kids who go to the schools for one or two classes like P.E. or other "specials." We have several local organizations that offer programs specially for homeschool kids - the arboretum, the YMCA, etc. I also know one family with a boy my son's age who homeschools - though my son doesn't really care for this kid, we've maintained friendly terms so I could go to them with questions. I think it'd work out fine.


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## mekasmom (Jan 19, 2010)

I am not familiar with Ohio laws on compulsory education and homeschooling. Look at HSLDA.org to find laws for your state.
http://www.hslda.org/laws/default.asp?State=OH

My kids did child directed learning all through school. I did buy books at times, but I let them do what interested them. When my second son was high school age, he spent a lot of time working on both music and building. Third son loved Liszt, and did lots of his music, studied him, wrote on him, etc. Son 1 was really into maps and map making. He also had a great "ick" love concerning Mad Cow Disease. He called people all over the world learning about the disease BSE. I remember him speaking to a wonderful scientist in Scotland who spent a lot of time explaining prions and the correlation of scrapies vs BSE. Back then BSE was still called Mad Cow Disease. Son 1 ended up writing a research paper using studies faxed to him from different scientists and people studying the disease around the world. His paper won a purple "best in show" ribbon from state for 4H. From our own experiences, I can assure you that child directed learning does work all through school. But we had the advantage of starting early with the help of Dr. Moore when he was alive. If you ever decide to try it, you might look into Moore Academy and the writings of Dr. Moore on the subject. Their words explain it much better than I could.


http://www.moorefoundation.com/

http://www.moorefoundation.com/article.php?id=5


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

edayna said:


> My son is in 7th grade right now. For the last 3 years he's been really struggling in school. He's very bright - was put in the gifted program in 5th grade but blew it same as he always does because he won't put in the effort. He can get 100% grades when he tries, but it's just as likely he'll bring home scores in the 50s. And he is *terrible* about turning in homework even when he does it.


Why does he put forth such little effort? Is it not challenging enough? Is it boring? Is it over his head? 
Or is this a 'discipline' issue? 



> We have tried everything I can think of - taking away computer/video games, grounding him, rewarding him for doing well, etc. He'll do great for a little while then slip right back again.
> 
> He's just like ME. I had the same problem as a kid, gifted but erratic. Just couldn't get it together, at least not till high school - and that's partly because I went to a different school, a private school that gave me more attention and held me more accountable. Well, I don't know what they did, but somehow it worked for me and I made honor roll.


Sounds like he needs constant accountability. Someone there, 24/7 to hold him accountable.



> Sending him to a private school isn't an option. I've been wanting to homeschool him for years now, but my husband refused to consider it. He believes that homeschooled kids have crippled social skills (of course I know that's untrue) and since we moved to this area specifically because it has good schools - pay higher taxes for it - he considers it a waste. I'm not completely sold on the quality of the school. Let's just say in my experience the ratings are based on test scores, but they don't tell the whole story.


What does the boy say about home schooling? Not that he should 'rule the roost' but if the father is against it, and the boy is against it.....you are fighting a loosing battle. It's very hard to home educate when the parents are not united in the decision....



> On the other hand, my daughter is doing very well and always has. But she's a different kind of kid.
> 
> Now hubby is finally ready to consider homeschooling. At first he put it out there as a threat. A threat! I seized the opportunity and explained that our state has a great homeschool curriculum, it's free, and we *are* paying for it through taxes too, so why not use it?
> 
> ...


That is no good......your dh sees home schooling as a 'bad thing' and is projecting that on the boy every time he 'threatens' him with it....



> I would think he'd *want* to be homeschooled. I explained the benefits. He'd get to sleep late. Neither of us are morning people, and getting up at 5:30 to catch the bus is the pits. He could eat what he wants for lunch. He would only have to work 3-4 hours a day and then have free time. He could eat snacks while doing his work. We could go on field trips when everyone else is in school. *What's not to like?*


His father has made it clear that home schooing is 'bad'.
He will not be around his peers, and if he's a quintisential teen, that would be devastating. 
He would have to learn a whole new routine.
Those are just a few of the 'what's not to like' from the child's perspective....



> But he'd miss his friends. Well, there are always sports and Scouts - but now he wants to quit Boy Scouts which baffles me. I think he can still participate in school sports if he's homeschooled - is that right or wrong? He's a wrestler. And maybe he could even go to school for some stuff like PE or Art - I'm not sure how that works. And of course he can still see his friends socially! Plus there are homeschool groups in town. He could make new friends.
> 
> And I guess it's just not "cool" spending all that time with mom, at age 13. Bummer.
> 
> ...


www.hslda.com
That will tell you all the laws in your state. It will also tell you how to contact your local co-ops, and when your annual home school convention is.

IMHO?
I'd drop it.
The husband sees home education as a 'bad' thing. He is projecting that to his son, and the boy is feeding off of it. If the husband and wife are not on a united front, the child will see the division, and sides will be chosen. 

The school does not have to let him participate in their Varsity sports. Club level is different.
Check www.hslda.com to see if the school "HAS" to allow you access to a classroom. Trust me though, that will open a whole other can of worms.

Home schooling is a 'lifestyle' as much as it is a means to education. Your dh and son are not seeking a lifestyle change.....so this would be torture for them. 

If the boy had his choices......what would he rather be doing than schoolwork? Is he an artist? Musician? If he is only getting good grades when he is threatened, then he's only getting good grades to keep his folks off his back. Those grades, have no value to him.......I would find out why?
(rehtorical questions)
Is there a lack of consistant discipline? Is that a lot of chaos and drama in the home? Are there a lot of emotional uphevals at home that would cause him to 'rebel' like this? If he has "ocd / add" tendencies, and his room is cluttered and chaotic, that will short circuit his brain....
Little things like that.

Really the big one is open communication.
Find out why he doesn't give a rats backside about his grades. Find out what is interesting to him.


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## ovsfarm (Jan 14, 2003)

We are also in Ohio, so I am somewhat familiar with Ohio laws regarding homeschooling and sports participation. It is usually decided on a district to district basis. For example, one family we know in our school district discovered that there is no way, no how that their son could participate in sports or any other public school program. Another family we know about 15 miles away but in a different school district is allowed to enroll their daughter in the TAG science classes and other extracurriculars whenever they want. You will need to check with your local public school district to determine how it is there.

Regarding your husband's resistance, I would have your son take a good achievement test. Not one of the dumbed down ones, but maybe something like the Stanford test. If the results show problems, I would take this to your husband and discuss with him the specifics of what is happening academically with your son within the public school system and whether homeschooling could change that. Perhaps you could try it provisionally with testing again in a year to see if you have been able to make any gains.

I realize that many do not agree with testing, but sometimes you need to have concrete markers to be able to evaluate things. He would have all 4 years of high school to rediscover a passion for learning, but only if his father can be brought on board NOW.

I second the above mention that you need to find out what is really causing the problems at public school. Because unless you know what is going on, then you don't know whether it is something that would respond well to homeschooling. Talk to his teachers, Scout leader, Sunday School teachers, or anyone else that can offer you insight into why he is so erratic and unmotivated.

Homeschooling is not easy. We are going to be doing 8th grade in the fall with my daughter. It will take her about 4 or 5 hours to complete all the work each day. You mention that Ohio has free curriculum materials available, but that is only if you are doing one of the virtual online schools, through which your son would still be enrolled in the public school system. If that is the case, then you HAVE to work with their materials, you will not have the flexibility to pick and choose the curriculum. You will also have a ps teacher who will periodically oversee his progress. You would not be an independent homeschooler if you choose this option and some of the homeschool support groups do not welcome "virtual students" since they are still officially registered as public school students.

If you choose traditional homeschooling, you will be responsible for paying your local public school taxes and then purchasing your curriculum materials on top of that. There are no tax breaks in Ohio for doing so. However, for our 8th grade curriculum, I have spent only about $250 for everything, since I found a lot of what I wanted through various used book outlets.

Socially, I greatly prefer that my daughter is homeschooled. We have often received complements from other adults about how well adjusted and socially adept she is. She has both public and homeschooled friends, although she does spend more time with the homeschooled ones because they are more available during the days. She has made many great memories with them and few bad ones. Honestly, public high school was fun but a bit of a jungle when I went there many years ago. My public schooled nieces assure me that it is worse now. They have to deal with things that I was never exposed to, such as avoiding unwanted lesbian encounters in the restrooms (not saying that all are like this, just at their school), rampant drug use and sales on school property, a daycare set up for the children of the unwed mothers among them (it is full with a waiting list to get in), an incredible increase in severe girl on girl violence (one of the fastest growing categories of crime today), etc. Thanks, but I will spare my daughter this type of social experience. As a homeschooled kid, she has already been invited to a couple of public school banquets and dances by her public schooled friends. We go to a few local public school football or basket ball games each year to cheer on players we know. We know most of the families in the stands and it is a fine social event. My daughter does not have to be enrolled in public school to enjoy this.

In general, I wouldn't attempt this unless your husband is at least provisionally on board, or unless your son is obedient enough to your authority that he will make an honest attempt to do a good job of learning the material. I would also make it a priority to try to determine why he is not succeeding academically in public school before switching.


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## Lisa in WA (Oct 11, 2004)

edayna said:


> Would it be weird homeschooling him and sending her to school? I don't know.


I homeschooled my younger daughter while the older went off to high school. Not weird at all.


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## vicki in NW OH (May 10, 2002)

We homeschooled our son from 7th grade on. It went well. I am not one to put an emphasis on the grades but rather just on learning. After you start homeschooling, you get a better idea of exactly what your kid's strengths and weaknesses are. Socialization was no problem. Once he was taken out of school, our son actually made more friends and had a broader spectrum of good life experiences than when he was in school. He is now a seminarian in Columbus at the Josephinum.


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## cwgrl23 (Feb 19, 2004)

LisaInN.Idaho said:


> I homeschooled my younger daughter while the older went off to high school. Not weird at all.


I too homeschool our youngest DS with his brother and sister still in public school. I really wanted to pull our oldest out this year as he has really been struggling with many issues there. Most are related to poor staffing choices by the school district. But he wanted to finish out his senior year there struggles and all. We are just really looking forward to fall when he can start college!

Carrie in SD


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## Peacock (Apr 12, 2006)

Talked to the mom of my son's best friend for a while tonight. His friend is JUST LIKE HIM -- it's amazing. Same intelligence and sarcastic wit, same lack of motivation. I guess that's why they're best buddies. Helps that they live within walking distance, in a rural way -- on opposite sides of a 16 acre field that belongs to neither of us. 

His mom (who is wonderful) was so shocked tonight when I told her I was so close to homeschooling, but she did tell me she knew for a fact that our district will allow homeschooled kids to participate in sports IF they go to school for one subject. So I am guessing I can send my son to school for PE class - which will be good to give him some interaction with his friends - and homeschool him the rest, and he'll be able to participate on the 8th grade wrestling team. Between that and his extracurricular social interactions - just calling/texting/chatting online with his friends, visiting etc. he may be able to survive 8th grade socially while being homeschooled. Best of both worlds, and I get one year to put him back on track academically.

I am totally sold. Let's hope everyone else agrees.

Lisa - the Calvert catalog came a couple days ago, and they've been calling me. I'm definitely checking it out.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

Last year we homeschooled my son for 8th grade and kept our daughter in public school (4th grade). They are different kids and have different needs. I teach full-time, but we enrolled him in a homeschool program where we had an advisor. I planned his work and took him to my ex husband's every day to do his work. I don't regret it at all.
He has been in public high school for 9th grade and he is doing ok. I think he just needed some time to mature as well as 1-on-1 studying with Dad.


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