# About this thing called marriage



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Ive thought of one other couple on here, that got married and you never heard from them again. I cant remember their names, BUT THEn, I think of Oxankle who found his woman online, got married, then shortly thereafter, he suddenly sells his place which was a nice one in Okla, and moves to [expletive deleted] Ark, and nobody hears from him again.
That's what im afraid of, at my age. Find a woman who sounds all the farmers daughter, get her married and then find that she likes to travel all over, likes to live in a place in Egypt, dosnt like to cook/clean/garden/can/ect
OR after getting married, tells me that ALTHOUGH she did all those things, she thinks shes too old to be doing them now, and DEFINATLY I am, and wants to move to a nice retirement community, and if I refuse, she Ds me and splits 1/2 of what I got, sells her part, which could be the land and skips. im rethinking this again. It seems the pitfalls are the pitts.


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

You're too old to cook,clean and garden?


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## quadrants2 (Apr 2, 2005)

I'm not even sure I'll marry again at my age..not sure why you would want to FBB? I believe you can take care of someone , whether it be with life insurance, health insurance or whatever but you don't need to be married. Its different if you want a family but im not going down that path again...of course..If I keep listening to you scare the hell outta me about women I may not even date! :shrug::shrug::shrug:


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## quadrants2 (Apr 2, 2005)

FarmboyBill said:


> Ive thought of one other couple on here, that got married and you never heard from them again. I cant remember their names, BUT THEn, I think of Oxankle who found his woman online, got married, then shortly thereafter, he suddenly sells his place which was a nice one in Okla, and moves to [expletive deleted]Ark, and nobody hears from him again.
> That's what im afraid of, at my age. Find a woman who sounds all the farmers daughter, get her married and then find that she likes to travel all over, likes to live in a place in Egypt, dosnt like to cook/clean/garden/can/ect
> OR after getting married, tells me that ALTHOUGH she did all those things, she thinks shes too old to be doing them now, and DEFINATLY I am, and wants to move to a nice retirement community, and if I refuse, she Ds me and splits 1/2 of what I got, sells her part, which could be the land and skips. im rethinking this again. It seems the pitfalls are the pitts.


Not exactly a ray of sunshine ....lol


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## RichNC (Aug 22, 2014)

FarmboyBill said:


> Ive thought of one other couple on here, that got married and you never heard from them again. I cant remember their names, BUT THEn, I think of Oxankle who found his woman online, got married, then shortly thereafter, he suddenly sells his place which was a nice one in Okla, and moves to [content deleted] Ark, and nobody hears from him again.


He posts often on Melissa's forum, he is doing well and happy as could be.


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## RichNC (Aug 22, 2014)

Hey, Bill, some woman can't split half of anything you don't actually own, so I wouldn't worry about some woman taking away your "farm" in OK!


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

FarmboyBill said:


> Ive thought of one other couple on here, that got married and you never heard from them again. I cant remember their names, BUT THEn, I think of Oxankle who found his woman online, got married, then shortly thereafter, he suddenly sells his place which was a nice one in Okla, and moves to [expletive deleted] Ark, and nobody hears from him again.


Maybe he is in bliss, and has no time for online..
Maybe he is living 100% off grid..
Maybe he has gone home to be with the Lord..



> That's what im afraid of, at my age. Find a woman who sounds all the farmers daughter, get her married and then find that she likes to travel all over, likes to live in a place in Egypt, dosnt like to cook/clean/garden/can/ect


Well I suppose that could be true if you married a female on the first date, duh.
I guess that's why you spend time getting to really know each other and um, using ones own discearnment and observations skills to assess if she is being truthful or not.......




> OR after getting married, tells me that ALTHOUGH she did all those things, she thinks shes too old to be doing them now, and DEFINATLY I am, and wants to move to a nice retirement community, and if I refuse, she Ds me and splits 1/2 of what I got, sells her part, which could be the land and skips. im rethinking this again. It seems the pitfalls are the pitts.


Or you could invest time and effort into getting to know a woman, (key word INVEST TIME) then decide if this is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.
If one is worried about their stuff, sign a pre-nup. Super simple.


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## Vahomesteaders (Jun 4, 2014)

Want a good woman who can cook, farm and stay with you for life? Marry a menonite girl. I've met many. They are loyal and great homemakers.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

What would you call a gal who can cook, farm, stay w/ one for life, loyal and a great homesteader AND AND AND likes to play cards, have bbq's w/ family and friends, enjoy a nice bourbon, dress up real pretty like and go out on the town a couple times a year, and laughs out loud?


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> What would you call a gal who can cook, farm, stay w/ one for life, loyal and a great homesteader AND AND AND likes to play cards, have bbq's w/ family and friends, enjoy a nice bourbon, dress up real pretty like and go out on the town a couple times a year, and laughs out loud?


A keeper.


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## quadrants2 (Apr 2, 2005)

Ditto Wolf.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Definatly


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Minnonite and Amish gals don't typically marry out of their own religion. ALSO, Theres NO amish around here for 40 miles.

Well If Chucks happy, then so am I. BUT to another example, Nsoitgoes has wrapped a lucky guy around her left ni, er, finger and hes pulled up stakes to satisfy her. Them wimmins is capable O doin that, and I done moved all Ima gonna for the next decade I HOPE.


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## coolrunnin (Aug 28, 2010)

Vahomesteaders said:


> Want a good woman who can cook, farm and stay with you for life? Marry a menonite girl. I've met many. They are loyal and great homemakers.


I'm going to assume you didn't marry one. I know 2 guys that married Mennonite and they changed for the worst...


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## reneedarley (Jun 11, 2014)

FarmboyBill said:


> around here for 40 miles.
> 
> .


40 miles!!!! Tom moved 4000 miles to marry me:run:


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## Nsoitgoes (Jan 31, 2016)

FarmboyBill said:


> BUT to another example, Nsoitgoes has wrapped a lucky guy around her left ni, er, finger and hes pulled up stakes to satisfy her. Them wimmins is capable O doin that, and I done moved all Ima gonna for the next decade I HOPE.


*NO*. He is pulling up stakes to be near his sons and grandchildren. He was already planning to move to OK before we met. He currently lives 1800 miles away - how (or why) would two people contemplate a serious relationship at that distance if they have only met in person a very few times?

Even so. Even though we are both looking for a good, stable, long term relationship we are taking it slow and learning about each other. We have different lifestyles: like you, Bill (loosely anyway) I do not intend to leave my little homestead. Unlike you, however, I don't care if he wants to participate in my homesteading. I have essentially been doing it all myself for - I don't know, probably close to 30 years I guess - I am set up to do that. His participation is not essential. 

What I want from the relationship is a best friend, a great companion and (I hope) a lover. Not a gardener, a livestock manager, a builder, a cook or a housekeeper. So far, so good. He already knows I will not be leaving here. The only fascination here (apart from my good self) is the huge garage/workshop, so I doubt he will be wanting to leave his own house to take up residence. Which suits me fine. I don't want remarriage. Nehi and Shrek have the sort of relationships that appeal most to me.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

CR, Who changed for the worst. The men or women. And how? I knew 2 guys who wernt married when I knew them and was young. They were the greatest to be around. One got married, then he was like everyone else who was married. Not bad, but not great anymore either.

I think, as a person, for someone to be around, Im more entertaining now than if I was married. I don't know why that is, but I deffinatly know it to be true, that unmarried people tend to be more fun to be around than married ones.


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## ceresone (Oct 7, 2005)

Guess when you're happy and settle down, the single life isnt appealing anymore--think that might be it, FBB?


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## coolrunnin (Aug 28, 2010)

FarmboyBill said:


> CR, Who changed for the worst. The men or women. And how? I knew 2 guys who wernt married when I knew them and was young. They were the greatest to be around. One got married, then he was like everyone else who was married. Not bad, but not great anymore either.
> 
> I think, as a person, for someone to be around, Im more entertaining now than if I was married. I don't know why that is, but I deffinatly know it to be true, that unmarried people tend to be more fun to be around than married ones.


Neither lady kept any of the attributes most people would put to mennonites/amish, they left all that behind when they left the order I guess, and became like the proverbial ministers daughter.

I have a sort of brother in law that is ex mennonite, that is mostly a pretty good guy, but was wild as a march hare when he first left...


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

coolrunnin said:


> but was wild as a march hare when he first left...


Lol..Here comes Peter Cottontail.....:dance::nana:


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## quadrants2 (Apr 2, 2005)

A lot of people associate being married with being settled down and single people as still living...wild for lack of a better word...I'm single and consider myself pretty boring and settled down. Couldn't tell you the last time I went out to a bar or anything else. Most people would say I'm more likely to be reading or researching something than getting wikd. But I do enjoy the new Best ---- Root Beer on time off...such a party animal.


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

FarmboyBill said:


> CR, Who changed for the worst. The men or women. And how? I knew 2 guys who wernt married when I knew them and was young. They were the greatest to be around. One got married, then he was like everyone else who was married. Not bad, but not great anymore either.
> 
> I think, as a person, for someone to be around, Im more entertaining now than if I was married. I don't know why that is, but I deffinatly know it to be true, that unmarried people tend to be more fun to be around than married ones.


 It isn't so much that single folks are more entertaining when unencumbered with being married and the related responsibilities and time constraints, the married folks just have to make their plans around their family and related time constraints.

I for example when in my early 20s decided one Sunday to load up with my single friends and GF to drive 70 miles south to the only place in the state that sold beer on Sunday and we went to a swimming hole there.

A couple hours later someone in our pick up load of 15 or so remarked how nice it was and why not drive the extra 100 miles or so to the beach on the Gulf of Mexico and we did and Spent that summer Sunday night no gear camping on the beach.

The next day we started the trek home and it started to rain and when we saw a camper shell for sale for $70 in a yard on the road we were traveling , we all kicked in a few bucks to keep the folks in the bed dry by C clamping it down with 3 clamps in my toolbox I had behind the seat.

By the time we were in our 40s most all of us were married with the related responsibilities and wouldn't consider driving 140 miles round trip for beer on Sunday , let alone a two day road trip and beach campout. 

People age and their values and priorities change with them.

We singles who choose to keep livestock and pets along with our modern homesteading pursuits are often faced with similar constraints to being married even if we have no children at home because although we are single we have critters and home places that need to be tended to same as if we were married.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I havnt been out in at LEAST 8 mos. RB is a treat for me also. I even have 2 bottles of the RB Extract.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

CR, I saw some TV shows where the M&A kids had quit the order and went mainstream, and were just about like any other kids.


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## coolrunnin (Aug 28, 2010)

FarmboyBill said:


> CR, I saw some TV shows where the M&A kids had quit the order and went mainstream, and were just about like any other kids.


Those shows aren't real...lol


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

I suppose There isn't a Santa either?


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## coolrunnin (Aug 28, 2010)

WolfWalksSoftly said:


> I suppose There isn't a Santa either?


Sure there is, you just have to believe.


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## tamarackreg (Mar 13, 2006)

quadrants2 said:


> A lot of people associate being married with being settled down and single people as still living...wild for lack of a better word...I'm single and consider myself pretty boring and settled down. Couldn't tell you the last time I went out to a bar or anything else. Most people would say I'm more likely to be reading or researching something than getting wikd. But I do enjoy the new Best ---- Root Beer on time off...such a party animal.


Same here! 

I'm living better than ever, just not "normal" (as we were taught), LOL.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

quadrants2 said:


> A lot of people associate being married with being settled down and single people as still living...wild for lack of a better word...I'm single and consider myself pretty boring and settled down. Couldn't tell you the last time I went out to a bar or anything else. Most people would say I'm more likely to be reading or researching something than getting wikd. But I do enjoy the new Best ---- Root Beer on time off...such a party animal.



In a GOOD, solid marriage, you can 'get wild' (meaning you can go out with you friends and kick up some dust) every once in a while, AND have the spouse come get you when you've had too much to drink!

1. Every once in a while.
2. Out with friends
3. Just kickin' up dust, drinkin, dancin, stuff like that.

In a solid marriage where there is trust, honor, integrity, honesty......you can do the SAME thing single people do AND go home to the one you are in love with and committed too.....


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

WolfWalksSoftly said:


> I suppose There isn't a Santa either?


Wait until you see what happened to the Easter Bunny!

Mon


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

You're just full of good news. Lol


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Laura, how are you supposed to know if the other in the (partnership) feels as deeply about it as you do.
How do you know if they are faced with the level of temptations as you are.?
How do you know if there level of resistance is the same as yours, despite the best of intentions?

I had been cranking my grandpas 34 CC Case since I was 12. Once some so called friends came out to the place, and a guy who was a body builder couldn't get it to start.
WHY?
Cause although he had way more strength than I, He didn't know when to apply it.

Somehow, that correlliates? with the above. Some peoples levels of just about anything are different, usually through no fault of their own, and when exposed to things they shouldn't be, they will react differently


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

FarmboyBill said:


> Laura, how are you supposed to know if the other in the (partnership) feels as deeply about it as you do.


Communication.
Intimacy (not sex, but deep intimate conversations)
The more time together and the more a couple invests in each other, the more know each other.



> How do you know if they are faced with the level of temptations as you are.?


If the above is the norm for a couple, if he is filling her up, if she is filling him up; they both know what they have to lose, and NO is a complete sentence.....especially if they are over 40.



> How do you know if there level of resistance is the same as yours, despite the best of intentions?


I don't.
That's where KNOWING each other is key.
Trust comes in too.
And sometimes, you get burned.
If there is no communication, intimacy, respect, give and take take and give......yeah, then infidelity is a real possiblity.



> I had been cranking my grandpas 34 CC Case since I was 12. Once some so called friends came out to the place, and a guy who was a body builder couldn't get it to start.
> WHY?
> Cause although he had way more strength than I, He didn't know when to apply it.
> 
> Somehow, that correlliates? with the above. Some peoples levels of just about anything are different, usually through no fault of their own, and when exposed to things they shouldn't be, they will react differently


I'm not a man, and I don't play one on TV.
I can tell you as a woman, I have been crap faced drunk, and never cheated. Never crossed my mind.......
I have been drunk sober and inbetween on the dance floor when Mr. Wants To Grind danced up behind me.....I smiled, and moved. 
If he moved closer, I showed my ring and then shot a dirty look......if I had enough to drink I was not polite.
It never crossed my mind to cheat, ruin my marriage, wreck my home, put my kids thru the misery of divorce, embarrass myself for being a sleeze......

It never, crossed my mind.

I don't know how it works for guys.


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

Laura,Your inbox is about to be full.Get ready.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Wolf, SURELY I am not the only woman that operates like this????

Maybe the reason I was 'hit on / asked out' A LOT when I was married was BECAUSE I was married, and a "challenge"?

No one seems too interested these days LOL
That's ok.....I have crap to do. Buy a house, get it fixed, fix the greenhouse and garage, work the soil, get some birds and goats, etc....


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Well, Im proud to say that I NEVER had sex with another woman ANYTIME I was married, Or danced with anyone she s didn't know about.


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## quadrants2 (Apr 2, 2005)

My thoughts now..after things that I have learned from people much smarter than me...

Behave when you're out alone the same as you would if he were next to you.

Women make love all day..men for a few minutes. This is why men can hurt a woman's feelings on Tuesday and she's still not in the mood Wednesday. ..men can fight with her and 15 minutes later are ready for the bedroom.

Treat her/ him the way you'd want someone to treat her if she were your sister, your brother, your mom, your son.

Treat her like you would in front of her dad.or him in front of his mom.

Realize that we all have traits that make us a diamond in the rough...you can polish the diamond and bring out the shine but if you try to change it too much it could break.

When having a fight ask yourself ..if this was my last day with this person would I want to fight about this? It just may be.

Make sure if you are mad that you are mad at the one mistake that was made and not every mistake over your lives together.

If something is bothering you its probably bothering them too. Talk about it.

Love is a verb...not a noun and not a feeling.


Funny how being single for awhile...getting a little older, and learning from the past can be quite an eye opener.

Just my 2 cents about relationships...


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Yer getting there. I agreed with all but #3.


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## FarmerJoe (Nov 14, 2009)

> Laura, how are you supposed to know if the other in the (partnership) feels as deeply about it as you do.
> How do you know if they are faced with the level of temptations as you are.?
> How do you know if there level of resistance is the same as yours, despite the best of intentions?


 You need to spend time with a person and get to know them. Not just read a few lines off a profile.
Sometime in the past, I think it was someone from this site, recommended dating for 2 years before marrying. That way you get to see the true person. I mentioned that to the marriage counselor when I was going, and they said 3 years.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

FarmboyBill said:


> Minnonite and Amish gals don't typically marry out of their own religion. ALSO, Theres NO amish around here for 40 miles.
> 
> Well If Chucks happy, then so am I. BUT to another example, Nsoitgoes has wrapped a lucky guy around her left ni, er, finger and hes pulled up stakes to satisfy her. Them wimmins is capable O doin that, and I done moved all Ima gonna for the next decade I HOPE.


Yeah, I was wondering who would want to go and pull up stakes to live on a rez, lol. Don't see that happening any time soon, so I guess I get to just keep on being me, lmao. :hobbyhors


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Geeze, once again it seems I missed a few juicy posts. :bored:


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

OK I REMEMBER what I posted that was deleted............
And I remember what FBB posted......

I am not sure why it was considered "R" rated???

I don't know what happened AFTER my post, but from my post up, I have NO idea why it was removed???
Was it a "reported" post?
Did another mod complain?
I just don't get it?


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

This PC compliance policy is running amok.


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## quadrants2 (Apr 2, 2005)

It seems that we get posts or threads deleted with no report on why...it would seem that to prevent future mistakes or unwanted comments the moderators would tell us what was wrong with them so we knew what NOT to do?


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## no really (Aug 7, 2013)

I'm confused too. I read most of those posts and apparently I'm not a nice person cause I missed the R part.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Face it Laura you are a Baaaaaaad girl.


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

I didn't used to be considered offensive until I started being influenced by the people here in St.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Quadrants, what you said last has been brought up several times, Along with a request for a dictionary of the wong words to ruse. nothing doing. We get nipped on the fly, and were flying blind.
Their remarks to me have always, nearly, been gentle, and I never felt any harm had been done to my stirling reputation, so, Sall good.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

FarmboyBill said:


> Quadrants, what you said last has been brought up several times, Along with a request for a dictionary of the wong words to ruse. nothing doing. We get nipped on the fly, and were flying blind.


Bill is right, and the problem gets discussed every year or two.

In a nutshell: moderators are not allowed to post a dictionary of what not to say. But, we CAN say that this is to be a family-friendly board, that general guidelines are in the FAQs: http://www.homesteadingtoday.com/faq.php , that profanity is not allowed, that women are never to be called female dogs or any other disparaging remark (I assume that also means no name calling for men but I think that has never come up), and the general tone of the board is "be nice".

These are the guidelines that we all agreed to enforce when we became moderators. 

Now, every moderator has a different definition of "be nice", and so there is some differences in what is allowed on the different boards. Homesteading Families is a very different place than Politics! But, we try.


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## quadrants2 (Apr 2, 2005)

Terri said:


> Bill is right, and the problem gets discussed every year or two.
> 
> In a nutshell: moderators are not allowed to post a dictionary of what not to say. But, we CAN say that this is to be a family-friendly board, that general guidelines are in the FAQs: http://www.homesteadingtoday.com/faq.php , that profanity is not allowed, that women are never to be called female dogs or any other disparaging remark (I assume that also means no name calling for men but I think that has never come up), and the general tone of the board is "be nice".
> 
> ...


I appreciate the response..I didn't really have any plans to get wild like FBB does but he may start to influence my otherwise cherub-like demeanor..


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Quad,

This thread took a definable tangent swing into the R rated content zone not allowed on HT due to a combination of replies in the tangent that each contributed a bit more to the over G/PG content allowed on HT.

Posters just need to keep in mind that here on Singletree we keep our content to the limit required by the host site.

With that fact in consideration , the posting here on the HT hosted side is maintained in the G/PG content range and as the PB host requires compliance to the FCC safe harbor time period R rated limits.

As such in addition to serving our group as the off HT server "crash board" where members can meet if HT is down, it is also where R rated topics can be discussed.

When we do delete threads or drift tangents here, if members wish to continue their R rated discussion on the PB hosted side of Singletree I do offer to send a copy of their deleted reply here to their PB Singletree inbox so that they have the option of starting a thread based on their over HT limit topic in R rated environment allowed by the PB host of the other side of Singletree.

As complying to HT limits and giving Singletree participants latitude to discuss R rated topics makes us a "two room" message board with HT hosted ST as our publically viewed room, I do require that members register on the PBST side with the same user name and email they used when registering on HT so we know that we are interacting with the same folks regardless which room of Singletree we are in.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Shrek ...... That sounds complicated. 
As a moderater has it ever been explained why HT chooses not to list words or clearly define the limits ? 
Can you share that with us ?


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

I think ST should be like the Politics Area..like a members only type of thing for people who want to be here....it must really be bad over there.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Heck, the stuff I say aint worth following roun to find it to reply on. I would only consider that IF what I said I ment to say and knew that it was a restricted subject. Letting a wrong word loose unintentionally, or unknowlingly isn't worth the trip. ESPECIALLY since nobody else hardly goes there to continue the conversation.


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## quadrants2 (Apr 2, 2005)

I'm afraid if I went to the R rated side of things I may never come back. What if I like the 'dark' side? What if they have pizza? More legroom? Free cocktails? I can't take the chance...I'll just stay here.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Your getting a feel for the thought process of the entire room LOL


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

quadrants2 said:


> I'm afraid if I went to the R rated side of things I may never come back. What if I like the 'dark' side? What if they have pizza? More legroom? Free cocktails? I can't take the chance...I'll just stay here.


Pretty sure that on the R rated side of things there would be plenty of leg room.


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## quadrants2 (Apr 2, 2005)

cindilu said:


> Pretty sure that on the R rated side of things there would be plenty of leg room.


Be good Quad, don't say anything..be good..you can do it...  ..


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