# Youth socializing in an era of video games



## hintonlady (Apr 22, 2007)

I remember when I was a kid (Iâm 35 so it wasnât the dark ages) we had like a million things to do OUTSIDE. We would ride bikes, roller skate, take a basketball or bat and baseball to the park, play barbies or GI Joes (depends on gender of friend that day). We would even go on what seemed like exciting adventures pretending we were star wars characters. As I got older there were trips to the mall but there was also a lot of 4H animal projects, sleep overs, going swimming, walking around the neighborhood talkingâ¦you name it.

Fast forward to the presentâ¦

DS isnât allowed to have any video games in the house. He is too young to understand moderation and had major behavior issues in and around video games. 

What saddens me though is how much the lack of a video game console and free access to the internet stifles his socialization. ALL of his friends are allowed to play video games as much as they want, watch television all they want and surf the internet IMâing friends or looking up their myspace pages all they want. DH is supervised online as any teen should be, has to limit television and is expected to see the light of day from time to time. I donât think that is too much to expect. Problem is the low expectations of his friends parents. They are good people, donât get me wrong. Just a different parenting style.

None of DHâs friends make much effort in calling one another. Over the summer DHâs friends simply donât like to come to our house because they get bored?!?!?!? We have a basketball hoop, a small above ground pool, bikes, a 4 wheeler, acres and acres to camp on or do other guy stuff, I cook great snacks and meals and stay out of their way. (I know it isnât a parental supervision issue) Since we only allow two videos in a row and no video games before encouraging them to find something to do they donât have fun. (just a guideline when we knock at the door and suggest they do something outside. NOT a hard and fast ruleâ¦just trying to redirect)

When DH goes to their house they will spend the ENTIRE time glued to video games and wonât spend a single moment doing anything else unless they suspect a girl they know may be online. While I realize boys will be boys I think itâs sad that these kids have no social skills or interests outside of their gaming console. The scout leaders son (ds best friend) actually quit scouts in spite of loving to camp because he would rather stay home and play video games.

Just sad for me to see DS go through this. He LOVES to be outside but gets lonesome without friends to share it with.


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## sterlingfarms (Apr 27, 2009)

too bad you guys aren't in Connecticut. All three of my kids are outside right now. The 14 and 9 year old boys are in our yard playing bikes, skooters, and tag...my 16 yo son is out with his friends skateboarding. They like to play video games sometimes, but usually prefer to be outside.


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## sterlingfarms (Apr 27, 2009)

How old is your son?? I am assuming no siblings


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## mowrey1999 (Aug 25, 2005)

Just my opinion but as the electronics age has progressed I now see men who can,t stay off the phone , Text constantly with other workers /girlfriends ect or who ever will listen about really nothing but garbage from what I can tell and the same men can,t wait to get home to play the newest video game , so I feel its like gambling ,smoking or drinking some people just are addicts almost. I know my son never had a cell Phone in school ,had a computer available whenever he wanted to use it but wasnt real interested , A lot of his friends were into sports , wrestling, baseball, football ect. and would usually be out doing outside activities rather than inside playing video games/so I feel it is not that kids won,t go outside and socialize but they just have to have a challenge thats more of a challenge to them than the video games and they feel its more rewarding than the video games,I new people growing up who didnt have video games and werent social people and when they got older they turned to alcohol and went in a corner to drink to be alone , there have been kids in the 50s,60s and so on who were not social ,but the internet and video games have just gave them a avenue to go and concentrate the behavior,I believe a lot of parents also work 2 jobs and used the video games as a babysitter for kids thinking as long as they arent outside getting in trouble they are at least at home and not in trouble so were more than happy to buy all the video games the kids wanted since that usually kept them at home , I would say looking back at my sons friends that probably 90% seemed to turn out ok and got more socializing after high school when they were in the public more and in the military , college, workforce , ect, verses when we were kids we got more of the socializing skills when we were younger and had them before even getting out of high school, since we were working at 10-12 years old back then and with kids,and other people all day usually .


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## pickapeppa (Jan 1, 2005)

We have trouble with our son and video games too. It's like it sucks away their imagination. When the time comes to quit, it's like pulling teeth to get him to shut it down. I've gotten to where there will be no video games before anything important, and very limited use (maybe a half hour a couple of days a week) during down times. I'm finding video games make more work as a parent than they prevent by entertaining the kids.

The one we do allow freely is the Wii, and the neighbor kids like to come play the games here. All of the kids have different games for the Wii, so get a variety when they go neighborhood hopping.

I've noticed that when my son doesn't play them, he's much more involved in real life, which is what I want to see. He's interacting with me, the rabbit, the chickens, the neighbor kids, riding his bike, practicing golf and archery, and pitching in to help around the house. He also enjoys learning keyboarding with Mavis Beacon teaches typing. A better babysitter is the discovery channel. It's educational and entertaining.

Nothing irks me more than watching my kid sit and play a video game (his current obsession is world of warcraft, and he's much to young for it) and if he's not playing it, he's watching dad play it. Friends will come over to play with him and he's just mesmerized by this game. It's gotten so bad my husband can't even play the darned thing until after bedtime.

Kids do need games - like air hockey, pool, ping pong, volleyball, baseball, etc. We sent our son out to the yard with some old garage sale golf clubs and before you know it, the other neighbor kids start putting in their yards too. And they all love coming over to shoot arrows. The next thing on the list for the kids to play is an air hockey table. Who doesn't like that?

I plan on setting up the garage as a game room for the kids to come over and visit, and play a variety of things nobody else around here has.

It sounds like they've gotten sucked into a fantasy world where they never need to stimulate their own imaginations for entertainment. Not good. I've been working very hard to prevent that here and the first step was basically banning all video games when I'm the only parent around. Our days have been positively peaceful ever since.


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## Marsh (Apr 29, 2003)

Video hasn't been a problem here. We have an XBOX (older then the 360) and there is a single DS in the house. (DS is used for the math tutor game, big brain academy game, and bible game) It works out rather well. The neighbors kids come here to play video games because they have one DS between a few kids. But the kids know. You earn your video time here. The kids are good about it too. This winter I had a sled of wood when I went out and no one around. Also the neighborhood kids help to my daughter with her animals at times. (DD is public schooled the neighbor kids are homeschooled, so the homeschooled kids help secretly while DD is in school)This is how they all earn video time here. They only ask when our daughter is here and when I say enough they stop playing. Before they leave they thank us because they are grateful they were allowed to come play. The kids do play outside together and have a good time together as well. They also come just to hang out, doesn't have to be to play the video games. They ride bikes together etc. 
Everything in moderation we believe and we supervise what they play when it comes to video and what they watch on tv. some kids seem to want to do what they want and your interupting them. No sense of anything but the games they play. This is not the norm for all kids I am sure, just the ones we have come in contact with since moving.
We allow 30 minutes every other day of video (computer, xbox,etc) tv is allowed on only if you ask and that is for 1 movie a day or 1 hour if your watching a tv series. Other than that you can listen to the radio and do other things. Some kids come here once and never come back because they dont like the rules.(mainly public school kids) We have tons of other things for the kids to do, then ,shall I say, use electricity. The homeschooled kids like to come here and help out and are rewarded. 
Here is a good one for you, this came from a situation here. I was watching a relatives child. 

child: So what do you get paid for all these chores you do?
DD: The ability to keep all my animals!
child: I get $50 a month for my chores. (they have no animals)
DD: That might feed my animals for 2 weeks.
child: Hmm....I think your getting a bad deal here.
DD: *shakes head and walks away from child* saying "I rather have my animals thank you"
child: are you done doing chores yet? Can we go play XBOX? 

This situation happened while said child watched DD do her animals chores. 
DD was thrilled when this child went home. I had to explain to DD not all kids nor relatives are the same as we are. Just like the kids at school aren't the same as us.


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## Callieslamb (Feb 27, 2007)

My older sons had the same issues in HS. All that anyone talked about were their video games, or TV shows we didn't allow them to watch, or movies we didn't go and see. 

same issue today, only we do allow DS, 8, to play ceratin games on the computer for a limited time each day. He is not good about playing alone and alone is what he has. 

Kids need to live in the real world rather than the surreal world of video games. Video games are easier than face-to-face interaction. We have a very lazy culture.


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## hintonlady (Apr 22, 2007)

sterlingfarms said:


> How old is your son?? I am assuming no siblings



15 this month with a 3 month old sister.

We live out in the sticks too so socializing always involves a level of transportation and communication. The communication is a lost art amongst he and his peers. None of them care to pick up a phone. So, he misses out on the walk over and knock on the door type friends.

His 4H softball league is now in it's third week of rain delays...missed the first 4 games going on 6...no end in sight.:shrug:


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