# Why are you alone?



## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

A spin off of the what did you learn thread. Little Joe asked a lot of questions wondering why. After I went to bed, I really got to thinking about it. So, why ARE you alone and I don't just mean, because you haven't found the "right" one yet. 

For me, my kids are a large part of it, but I know there's more also. I've made no attempt at dating/finding someone since hubs died. The older I've become, the more hermit like it's made me. I have little desire to go on the hunt for another mate as I don't want a full time one in the traditional sense. That being, a couple living together under one roof. Shrek has, what I consider, an ideal relationship. Being a couple and still maintaining your own places.

I wonder if there's a dating site for that?


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

Well, I am working on getting that land back to build an off grid cabin and become even more of a hermit. Not too many women lining up for that! LOL!


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## Cornhusker (Mar 20, 2003)

I haven't been looking either
I wonder how long it takes to be ready to move on?
Maybe when you get to a certain age you just don't move on. :shrug:


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)




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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

I'm where I am because I'm not somewhere else. 

I don't think life gives you a printed & copywritten path, for the most part. I think there are times you are supposed to have another, closely, in your life and times that is not in the agenda. For everything, there is a season.

Mon


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

I have learned something about myself from my past relationship and it was a daycare parent that brought it to my attention. I have ptsd or what ever it is called. Because of loving so deeply and being hurt so badly I go into flight or fight when the current dating person brings up certain topics or says something that causes me to go into flash backs. That made perfect sense to me and since I have to be honest with myself then I have to admit I do that. 

Now I keep myself busy working on my house design so it will pass inspections and codes. Getting the property and then working on developing it. Right now I also work a average of 50 to 70 hours a week and also go to school for my degree as well as be on boards for education. There is NO TIME. 

Hard because the first time I have been out all week I took my son and his GF to a corn maze about one hour away. Everyone there was a couple, that is when it gets hard.


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## NickieL (Jun 15, 2007)

I was very alone.... When I was married!! Since I dropped the ex, I am never alone. Surrounded by wonderful loving people. 


Sent from my iPhone using Homesteading Today


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## Guest (Oct 20, 2013)

I was alone because I chose to be highly selective ..not dating anyone seriously unless we shared commonality of basic morals/spirituality/intellect/character.. 

Incredibly happy that I waited for "Mr. Right-for-me".....


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

B /l/u/s/h!!!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I am alone cause I choose to be.


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## Guest (Oct 20, 2013)

All day long you work
At making your tomorrow
You get what you built.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Very true Zong.


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## starjj (May 2, 2005)

Cornhusker said:


> I haven't been looking either
> I wonder how long it takes to be ready to move on?
> Maybe when you get to a certain age you just don't move on. :shrug:


 
In my case I moved on long ago. It is the effort of getting to know someone. I think when I got to a certain age I said if he doesn't make the effort to get to know me then I was not going to waste my time. I have meant two men in KY that while they talk it is always about themselves and neither made the effort to ask about me. I get tired of hearing about them them them. How can they be interested in me if they don't act interested in knowing what makes me click.


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

I'm alone in that *I* live in my home, and *he* lives in his home. We get together often, and, so far, it has been ideal.


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## davel745 (Feb 2, 2009)

I have been out of the dating thing for a long time and am afraid to even try. I am getting up there and it is hard to even get ready to go out. And then I don't know what to do, I can be polite and nice but as you all see I am a little passionate about what is going on in this country, I am afraid I wouldn't make a good partner.


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

I don't want to kiss all the toads before I find a prince. 

I don't feel like I have dealt with all the issues from the past relationship.

Oxankle had some good advice " Be the kinda woman a man would be looking for." I feel like I am except in apperance and to be that I couldn't stay true to myself. I would be a fake and I can't do that.

A man hasn't come strolling through my living room yet.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

I'm not sure I am alone? 

I meet lots of good men all the time. I truly believe it will take years to build the relationship I want with a man who is capable of stepping into it. Hayseed and I have been working through our relationship without commitment for almost 3 years. I like where we are, trusted friends and neighbors working toward something more, with the freedom to pull back to working friendship at any time.

I think people at our life stages have so much baggage from past relationships. It really should be unpacked slowly and examined carefully, not haphazardly dumped in the middle of someone's living room. I want to poke around his head, his heart and his duffle for spiders, snakes, fleas and flying monkeys before it comes into my home. The men interested in relationships want to do the same.

Even though I knew PrairieMan for almost 15 years, and I loved learning more of him after I became single, there was so much I didn't know. Concepts he only hinted at or suggested as theory were core parts of his being. I only learned about these depths at his memorial after he died.

More reasons I may be alone. I am odd. I am of a culture that was dying out 40 years ago. There are very few of us left and I will only choose a mate from this culture. I will not compromise on that again! There are a lot of good men worthy of trust and respect who are perfect for other women. We call each other friends. Our ideas of having a blast don't match and we know it.

I am enjoying my relationship freedom.


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## viggie (Jul 17, 2009)

Honestly, I just started looking in the last couple of years. I knew I was one of those introverts that was "less experienced with life" than other people and would take more time to find myself. I didn't want to make a young-and-dumb choice for something I'll have to live with for a lifetime. I do think it was wise, as I'm looking for a completely different person now than I would have as a youngster and I did want a chance at a career. It was a really frickin lonely road though and I'm ready for that to end.


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## farmgal (Nov 12, 2005)

I am single because the men I meet have, one of 2 big issues. 

Many are very negative. Constantly living as if they are a victim and life is just terrible. Bad things happen to them and its not their fault. Any excuse to avoid the responsibility of their pathetic life. Negative perspective on everything. Those men just suck the life right out of your day. 

Next batch of men are in debt beyond reality. If they arent living in a friends basement or under a bridge, then they have refinanced their mortgage every few years to keep up with taking out more debt. They are 55 years old with a 30 year mortgage and no end in site, because they have not changed their ways. Many are very critical without cause. 

I live life on purpose and with a plan and a goal in sight. I cant find any men who do the same. They wonder through life with rose colored glasses and a narrow mind...:spinsmiley:

I think, I really gave up. I have recently lost all interest in even looking anymore. 
bummer.....


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## biggkidd (Aug 16, 2012)

After my wife moved out a bit over two years ago I decided that my two daughters and I were enough. I haven't even tried and don't intend to. Life is busy we are happier than ever. My girls do try to set me up with their teachers and friends moms etc. But I am not interested. So right now its just a choice I made. It may change later but with a homestead, two girls in school, MS, and things I want to get done. I just don't have much to offer a good woman. I was married to the other kind and enough is enough. 

Larry
A World Away


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

A very thought provoking question...

I was widowed suddenly and very unexpectedly, so there is that. 

The rest of it? I don't fit into any box, I am a very different person (and I don't mean this in the 'I'm such a special little snowflake' kind of way either). I'm not of the same religion as most people, I'm not a very political person, I eat differently and I have a vast array of interests and the desire to learn things like a sponge. I tend to be rather blunt and sometimes lack tact and I ask difficult questions of people at times. I always try to view more than one side of an issue, and most people simply will not. I'm neither country nor city - I can function in both quite comfortably but have a true desire to live back in the country once again.

I've had some very traumatic life experiences which I've survived, and attended therapy to overcome. But a great deal of it has come from simply the grit inside of me. As such, I'm a pretty strong personality - usually classified as "intimidating" or "overwhelming" - which is rather ironic since I'm quite the introvert on the whole and prefer to read, write, listen to music, putter in a garden and just generally be left alone.

I've not socialized a lot since my second marriage began - we were both introverts and that suited us, and then I spent a few more years in a remote location by myself at my place. I didn't even work in an office for years, but remotely from home. So it was an inner world of two, then one, and that is my preference really.

I have a very demanding job that requires I be on call four nights a week and less than five miles from my computer at any given time. But I have to have it in order to accomplish any of my goals.

It took me some time to figure I might be ready to date, so I tested the waters via online dating. That was a fiasco. I live in a highly urban area currently where there aren't many people with my interests. And dating is far different than being married - I don't do it well. I connect best with people through writing, getting to know them, them getting to know me.

I am not easily attracted to people, either friends or potential romantic interests. It takes a lot to get my attention, and when you do, you get my full on attention and energy, whether in friendship or romance. That gets tiring when it falls flat. I don't have a whole lot of extra energy and time to expend to start with. I thought there was one, but apparently I was wrong.

So, add up different person, introverted, works a lot of hours, in a place where there aren't likely to be good potential partners and you have where I am. I don't care for it, but it is what it is. I've simply decided that I have to move forward with the goals that I want to complete. If/when someone comes into my life that might make it interesting and complementary for both of us, then I'll take a look and see what the risk/benefits are at that time. I guess my biggest fear is that I will get so far down that path that I will be in 'automatic no' mode if such should appear. It is a hard thing to balance, and balance is not my forte.


~ST

View attachment 16607​


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

I am not really alone at this time in my life...as my daughter and 3 granddaughters live with me....but I am alone as in not with a man...but my life is so full and so rich that it doesn't really seem like a bad thing for me right now. I used to prefer to be alone but even that is changing. I learned that isolating myself is not very good for "me"...even though I prefer to spend time by myself doing all the things that I love to do, it is still not in my best interest to do so all the time...I am enjoying my life now...I have friends that I spend time with and go places with... I am really not looking for a man...but that being said I think I would enjoy the company and conversation that would come with a special friend...and that special friend and I might find that we have much in common and more could develop. But for today??? I am good..I like where I am and if that ever changes in the future to include a man then great...and if it doesn't? then I am perfectly ok with that too...


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

zong said:


> All day long you work
> At making your tomorrow
> You get what you built.


I LIKE what I've built and most of the time I like where I'm at in life. I'm content with my own company, but I do miss the closeness of intimacy occasionally.


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

I'm alone because this week Friday and Saturday were both date nights and today is a me and my dogs day. If I am up at 3 in the morning I may take the dogs out, go to her house for a shower and breakfast after she gets up for work , then come home to take the dogs out again then go back to :zzz:.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

MIL did not remarry after her second husband died, but she did not stay home either! She said that she did not want to nurse another husband through his last illness. Again. 

She was done with being a nursemaid to an ailing man and she wanted to do something else. So she made poppies for her veterans group, she kept up her garden, she allowed her daughter to move back in (that ended up badly), and she did things that did not involve marriage. 

She was only in her late 50's when her second husband died, and she figured that she was finished with being married.

I think that below was what she was aiming for. 



Fair Light said:


> but my life is so full and so rich that it doesn't really seem like a bad thing for me right now.


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## Paumon (Jul 12, 2007)

What Simpler Timez said (post 21) is like a photocopy of my own story, we are like too peas in a pod, so I'm letting ST's post speak for me.


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

Guess I have to realize I'm still alone by choice. I've met some interesting gals, but knew I wasn't ready at that time, for even a long term relationship. Guess I had a mad-on for women for a time? One good one showed up on my doorstep, and promised to make me happy? I told her no thanks. She married a friend of mine two years ago, and yes, she does keep him happy! I still run into them on occasion, and I can tell by the way she looks at me, she'd still like to make me happy.

I do still like my aloneness, as well. Dated a little senorita for three years, with a my house, her house situation, thinking we might iron our differences out. She was a good person or I wouldn't have stayed that long. But she had worldly ways, and I tend to be a minimalist in some things. She told me once, she has now seen the beauty in living simply and deliberately, and I was about as simple as they come. Well, I added the last part.  It seems almost impossible for a person to change their thought pattern, even if they think they want to?

I like comfort, but I also want to keep my financial footing. I had a lot of debt at one time that ---- near wrecked me. But I kept my nose to the grindstone and battled it to a easily manageable level now. I was raised to be a responsible person, and I don't plan on letting a woman change that by her whims of nicer things. There could be a day for it, but not until then.

It doesn't keep me from looking though! There is a lot of work in getting to know a person of the opposite sex. They still interest me immensely though! And the ones that have that seemingly inner glow of being happy are the most interesting! You never know where you'll meet one? And you'll never know anything at all about them unless you take a few minutes to talk. I'll go out of my way(well, a little)  to get that chance.

I'm probably ready more now than ever to meet that person. All my life, I've worked by myself for the most part, and still do. So I'm usually kinda shy and introverted. But I've kinda forced myself beyond old boundaries. There is nothing to lose, and everything to gain!

I've got a first date next weekend to a judged chuckwagon cookoff. I had no idea if this gal had any interest in one or not? She's always been really friendly with a ready smile when I see her anyplace. Plus, she did give me her number once upon a time. I gave her a jingle, and told her what was up. She had never heard of one, nor knew anything about one. She took a big interest in it! Whether it moves forward or becomes a wagon wreck, is to be seen? lol 

Dating people isn't hard as some of you make it to be. I like simple things, and if they don't...ya just don't know unless you ask? If your worried about that first kiss, then don't. Just lick 'em in the eyeball or something? 

Ok, guess I'm rambling on...sorry folks!


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## kalmara (Aug 21, 2011)

FarmboyBill said:


> I am alone cause I choose to be.


yep this is it for me as well.

I'd be happy with someone that had their own place and I could stay at mine


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

As noted above, being in a relationship is no guarantee you won't be alone, and not being in a relationship is no guarantee you will be lonely. If you are blessed with family and friends, you have "insurance" that helps protect you from acting too hastily and getting into a bad relationship...which is much worse than no relationship. Lesley and AC are good examples of the great things that come to those who are patient.


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## summerdaze (Jun 11, 2009)

davel745 said:


> I have been out of the dating thing for a long time and am afraid to even try. I am getting up there and it is hard to even get ready to go out. And then I don't know what to do, I can be polite and nice but as you all see I am a little passionate about what is going on in this country, I am afraid I wouldn't make a good partner.


You might not make a good partner for someone who's not into politics, but some women ARE just as concerned about what is going on in the country! Ya just need to find you one of THOSE!


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

I am alone, now again lol.....because I choose to be. For a long time it wasn't by choice and then...somewhere in there I grew up I guess and realized some things. But certainly this time it is because I choose to be. Again.

At least I got my brain back lol


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## summerdaze (Jun 11, 2009)

For me also, it's the effort of getting to know someone. It all seems so overwhelming. I don't want to date around. I want to find a like minded person who wants the same things and we just decide to make a go of it. But in reality, I'd be to scared to do that, so instead, because I'm afraid of being deceived by someone, I take wayyyy too long to divulge anything personal about myself, (for internet friends that show interest)
I could never go on a blind date now. Nope, it would have to be someone from a site like this that I've talked to for a while, or a co-worker, or someone from a group I already belong to. 
I also have some insecurity issues I guess. Now I'm way older, and I've never felt so unattractive in my life. Things just start happening to the body when your in you 50's! I'm a good woman, and I think I could make someone a happy man, but I'm not sure on the outside, if I'd measure up now. Men are so visual, and I'm afraid someone would be disappointed. 
I also don't want to spend my remaining days alone, so it's a dilemma.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

I have opened this reply window 4 times and closed it. I know why, but i don't have the words. It was a tough weekend, I think i need a long weekend canoeing/camping and looking at the colorful leaves.


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## LoonyK (Dec 12, 2009)

aliens abducted her


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## NoClue (Jan 22, 2007)

I'm alone because what I want, I can't have, and what I can have, I don't want.


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## plowhand (Aug 14, 2005)

NoClue said:


> I'm alone because what I want, I can't have, and what I can have, I don't want.


Had an elderly neigbor that said almost the same thing, except that she said it like this:

What I want, I can't get
What I can get, the Devil woudn't have!

In my case, I guard my ole heart awful close, maybe too close. I've seen enough trouble and hassle in other people relationships, that if I find myself half way attracted to a certain lady, I run like a scared rabbit, or purposely get a little surly and stand-offish.


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

NoClue said:


> I'm alone because what I want, I can't have, and what I can have, I don't want.


I think this about says it all....sums it up well NoClue...


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

I've noticed the longer you're alone, the more you hide and become less social. My question is have we out smarted ourselves? Do we know too much through lifes lessons? Will anyone ever live up to our expectations? Fixing one's self also fixed others from coming into our lives. Speaking for myself of course, it seems no one is good enough. So I hermitized myself and blocked my heart from hurt. I can't really believe the perfect human for me is just going to show up out of thin air. Like I stated I know too much about me and what I want in a relationship, that it could/is hurting any possible courters that may be interested. Just my 2 cents in my head.


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## NoClue (Jan 22, 2007)

I'm more social since having realized the above than at any point in my life. I have more friends, and spend more time with them, than at any time since high school. But then I go home by myself.

Until very recently, I didn't think I was even capable of really wanting romance. Then I found out otherwise - I can feel it. The first time I saw her smile, I started mumbling poetry to myself. My best and most sincere efforts aside, the law remains the law: if I want it, I can't have it.

But I can still see that smile, and no amount of rejection can take it away from me.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Fowler, that is so true, the longer you are single the harder it gets to mesh with another person. I am afraid I am going to become the old lady who lived in a shoe with two many kids she didn't know what to do.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Ha ha cindilu that made me laugh., I was speaking for myself noclue, I have thrown myself into my farm, I dont have the want to be social and listen to other peoples drama. I have secluded myself from society. And I'm starting to like it...that scares me.


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## moonwolf (Sep 20, 2004)

'aloneness' might be simply an acquired introvert characteristic that, especially introverts, are seemingly comfortable with being. As for craving a mate, that might be a more involving process to pursue. Thus, one might choose 'being alone' in a 'non-mated' existence and still be happy with being with someone sometimes.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Something I have come to inner peace about and it is aloneness. There is no hard and fast rule that I NEED to be going out on a Friday or Saturday night and enjoy parties, dinners, movies or whatever. I can be completely okay with being on my own, in my pjs and enjoying quiet alone time. No one says just cuz the weekend is here that I have to be out in it. Does that make sense?


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## Groene Pionier (Apr 23, 2009)

After my divorce, I was quite done with men in general. Now, my only task is to get my children to become grown ups and leave the house (yeah counting the years) so I can go on with the next stage of my life: buying some land in France, I have saved enough to be able to put in a small down payment, so who knows what the future brings and I can fulfill that goal.


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## Jim-mi (May 15, 2002)

Makes lots of sense.
Fri . .just another day of the week.........

I have desired to meet a couple or so, here on HT just because of their attitude--that I perceive--from their posts. .. Unfortunately it isn't gonna happen ...

Had a woman move in for a while . . .Time brought out to many differences.

The younger I get the more difficult it is to find common ground. . .

I still have a soft spot wanting a hug a day............


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## BamaSuzy (May 10, 2002)

I am content being alone but that doesn't mean if some homesteading considerate guy came strolling into my little general store that I wouldn't be interested....but like someone else said here, I'm NOT interested in kissing a lot of toads before I find my prince....if he comes along that is great....if he doesn't I will continue my hermit-like ways....it's been nearly 15 months since husband died....


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Suzy, you are far from Hermit Like. You have all the people that have become family come into your little store. So by the time you are actually alone it is probably like a breath of fresh air.


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## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

I never wish to be "unequally yoked" ever again, and I've not met my equal.


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

my knuckles drag the ground and i am turning into an wild animal...i went to the woods like Thoreau to only face the essential facts of daily life....and i turned into Sasquatch.


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## viggie (Jul 17, 2009)

elkhound said:


> my knuckles drag the ground and i am turning into an wild animal...i went to the woods like Thoreau to only face the essential facts of daily life....and i turned into Sasquatch.


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## homefire2007 (Sep 21, 2007)

I am alone because I want to be. Raising kids take up a lot of time  My youngest is seventeen. Years ago, I had a list of all the things I would do once the kids were grown. I've since realized it's been a blast and I really never missed out on anything.

Every now and again a wistful feeling pops up...like yesterday when I was trying to figure out how to light the cranky furnace and that ' wouldn't it be nice if ' feeling came over me. But then you move on.:happy:


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## fordy (Sep 13, 2003)

.................Well , let's see , I don't need a boss , I don't need someone looking over my shoulder , I'm aware of all my faults , I'm not socially correct , I burp , fart , and Cuss the stupid TV loudly when it makes me madd , I can exhibit my whole range of emotions without another person looking at me like I'm crazy , etc . 
.................Being alone isn't the same as being lonely ! And , finally , I can allocate my time anyway I please without having to justify why I waste so much of it . , fordy:happy:


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

fordy said:


> .................Well , let's see , I don't need a boss , I don't need someone looking over my shoulder , I'm aware of all my faults , I'm not socially correct , I burp , fart , and Cuss the stupid TV loudly when it makes me madd , I can exhibit my whole range of emotions without another person looking at me like I'm crazy , etc .
> .................Being alone isn't the same as being lonely ! And , finally , I can allocate my time anyway I please without having to justify why I waste so much of it . , fordy:happy:


I'm socially incorrect! lol! A tv I do have, the kids watched movies, and #3 son was the last to turn it on, It's been a few months.

Mornin comes... and I like to walk out the door and buck and fart a little...like a colt turned out to pasture... just cuz I feel good!

Had an accident once or twice...just cuz I was feelin' good!


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## Jim-mi (May 15, 2002)

Fordy, I'm a lot like you . . .
except for three important items.....
I don't fart
I don't burp
and I don't dress for dinner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .LOL


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## Kiamichi Kid (Apr 9, 2009)

summerdaze said:


> For me also, it's the effort of getting to know someone. It all seems so overwhelming. I don't want to date around. I want to find a like minded person who wants the same things and we just decide to make a go of it. But in reality, I'd be to scared to do that, so instead, because I'm afraid of being deceived by someone, I take wayyyy too long to divulge anything personal about myself, (for internet friends that show interest)
> I could never go on a blind date now. Nope, it would have to be someone from a site like this that I've talked to for a while, or a co-worker, or someone from a group I already belong to.
> I also have some insecurity issues I guess. Now I'm way older, and I've never felt so unattractive in my life. Things just start happening to the body when your in you 50's! I'm a good woman, and I think I could make someone a happy man, but I'm not sure on the outside, if I'd measure up now. Men are so visual, and I'm afraid someone would be disappointed.
> I also don't want to spend my remaining days alone, so it's a dilemma.


I've seen photographs of you and found you to be a very attractive woman.......Don't let being in your 50s keep you from being the beautiful woman that you are.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

LoonyK said:


> aliens abducted her


:hysterical: This made me laugh!


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

Jim-mi said:


> I have desired to meet a couple or so, here on HT just because of their attitude--that I perceive--from their posts. .. Unfortunately it isn't gonna happen ...


Why not? There's been quite a few meet ups.


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## Jim-mi (May 15, 2002)

Great distances are most often a real excuse.


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## Kiamichi Kid (Apr 9, 2009)

No woman in her right mind would take on this train wreck


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## Fair Light (Oct 13, 2010)

Kiamichi Kid said:


> No woman in her right mind would take on this train wreck


You might be surprised... a lot of us have walked away from our own train wreck...just saying


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

elkhound said:


> my knuckles drag the ground and i am turning into an wild animal...i went to the woods like Thoreau to only face the essential facts of daily life....and i turned into Sasquatch.


 
That's hot!! want some jerky?....lol!!


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

Fowler said:


> That's hot!! want some jerky?....lol!!


you aint fooling me....trying to lure me into that root cellar....:gaptooth:


let me sing to you...lol....and no i aint shaving my back hair or getting waxed

[YOUTUBE]EBBWKsxfPiE[/YOUTUBE]


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

ROFLMAO


[YOUTUBE]j39qWfynuZY[/YOUTUBE]


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Right now I'm alone because I'm the only one that comes to work at 6am LMAO! :gaptooth:
I get more done in the three hours before they all show up than I do the rest of the day. Listening to music and waiting for more espresso....letting my day form itself. Lookin pretty dang good so far!


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

I'm am not alone however i am single now because i didn't want to continue being with someone that really only wanted me around to fix stuff, remodel a kitchen, landscape her yard, use my gear/tools, and cook supper for us. Usually while she partied with her drunk friends at every invitation she got which was very often. I came to realise she had no hobbies besides "hanging out", i never knew that could be a hobby. :buds:

Too bad she realised i was what "she needed" (according to her text) a few weeks after the time limit i set for myself after our end. I wished her well and asked not to call or text anymore. 

That is why i'm single.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

doingitmyself said:


> I'm am not alone however i am single now because i didn't want to continue being with someone that really only wanted me around to fix stuff, remodel a kitchen, landscape her yard, use my gear/tools, and cook supper for us. Usually while she partied with her drunk friends at every invitation she got which was very often. I came to realise she had no hobbies besides "hanging out", i never knew that could be a hobby. :buds:
> 
> Too bad she realised i was what "she needed" (according to her text) a few weeks after the time limit i set for myself after our end. I wished her well and asked not to call or text anymore.
> 
> That is why i'm single.


Yep, I'm the one with the farm and animals, and the gardening and canning, but it was too much work and not enough partying, until they figured out the grass on the other side was actually poison ivy...LOL....and playing in the poo and mud was a lot more fun than they first thought...ROTF!!!


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## Sara in IN (Apr 2, 2003)

As a widow of nine months, it's too soon to think about a relationship that would have any lasting power. I expect it will take me at least two years to come to terms with my late husband's unexpected death for me to become a person who could develop a good relationship with someone new. After 24+years of a rather happy marriage, yea, I'm gonna be picky this time, too. 

Yes, some persons can remarry quickly after their spouse's death and have a long term successful relationship, but I've seen too many crash and burn badly on the rebound from widow/erhood.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Just now getting my 'mojo' back after the abrupt end of my marriage....so who knows what the future may bring.


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

*Why are you alone?*

Cuz, me and elkhound are closely related, at least we look alike in the video!

Those really made me laugh...I've only seen one or two when I was around a tv.


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## billooo2 (Nov 23, 2004)

I would rather be single than be in a bad marriage. :shrug:

I have not dated a lot of ladies, but I feel very blessed to have dated the ones that I have had relationships with. (Some really wonderful ladies.......but we would not work in marriage.)

I used to be part of a circle of friends........but that group has dwindled away over the years. I am thinking that I need to find some new friends.


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## CamM (Dec 6, 2008)

Probably because I am a bum without much ambition and don't feel like changing that enough.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Guess I should half-way be serious. I am alone because my husband was rude enough to die and leave me here. Will be five years this coming Christmas.

Like Dame Maggie Smith said, "It doesn't get better, it just gets different".

Mon


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## Kiamichi Kid (Apr 9, 2009)

Fair Light said:


> You might be surprised... a lot of us have walked away from our own train wreck...just saying


I'm always open to the possibilities.... but I've decided that I'll never put my life "on hold" again for anyone...life is waaay to short for that and I am gonna live every day as if it is my last day on earth....Maybe.... just maybe I'll find my Bobby McGee.


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## SugarMag (Jun 30, 2011)

I'm alone because I'm cranky and stubborn and I've never met a guy who can put up with me.
True story.


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## SilverFlame819 (Aug 24, 2010)

I enjoy my singularity. The older I get, the more I think that Mr. Right doesn't exist, so I don't bother trying to find him. I think it's easier to spend my time enjoying what I have, rather than wasting it searching for something that might not exist.

Also, I'm weird in that I have zero desire to start up relationships with people I don't know just to see if we'll be a fit, so I don't "date"... And none of my my male friends are the kind of guys I could see myself settling down with (nor do any of them seem to be interested in me outside of a friend).

Also... Inertia. And fear. The two forces that keep everything static. *shrug*


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## GrammaBarb (Dec 27, 2012)

Hi Folks,

The short answer is that my beloved husband died of cancer just under two years ago, and I still wear my ring. 

The long answer is a bit more complex. After a couple of less than stellar relationships, I fell into the "real" one, only to, as mentioned, lose it after 13 wonderful years. Now, back in the days most of us seem to wish to return to, it was necessary to pair up, just to get everything done to survive, and that was a real factor in relationships. In more modern (meaning convenient) times, it seems to be an option. OK, I can roll with that. 

But society is geared for couples. Surely I'm not the only one who feels a bit odd sitting alone in a restaurant, just as an example. However------

---where does one find someone who really enjoys having a 37 year-old step-son, and 13 year-old step granddaughters? Someone who understands my two dogs and a cat and that's just too bad about the animal hair on the old carpet for a day or two. (Poor sentence; you get the idea.) Where is someone who likes heating and cooking with wood, and cutting, bucking it up and stacking it? Where is that someone who understands that it is way more important to have power to the motorcycle shed than to the house? (And who will smile and wave as I head off for a 3-day camp and ride with women friends?) 

Anyone hiding the "Mark II" version of the guy I lost? *Is* there such a beastie lurking out there? Ah, I have it: If I find someone, it will be someone who really admires that I can build a motorcycle or milk a goat, and who will buy me perfume for my birthday! 

(I know, Ladies. I know: "If only! ......If only!!")

A...n...d.......that's why I'm single! 

Barb and the various critters


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## no really (Aug 7, 2013)

Guess I'm alone since I don't have a significant other. But my life is full and I really never think about it. Great family and friends, job that keeps me busy and fulfilled. 

Lonely not that I can notice. Seems I just don't put being in a relationship as something that has that much significance, right now. I do enjoy dating but with my job I just don't have the time to put into much more and I don't really mind.

Having been to the point a couple of times that I nearly married and realized it was just because I felt it was what was expected of me by others not what was best for me.


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## davel745 (Feb 2, 2009)

GrammaBarb said:


> Hi Folks,
> 
> The short answer is that my beloved husband died of cancer just under two years ago, and I still wear my ring.
> 
> ...


 
My story is so much like yours. even the time together. Wow. brought a tear to my eyes. Take care.


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

It's simple, I don't want to compromise and nobody would put up with me. 


That and I don't trust anybody with my emotions but my kids and grandkids.


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

Aren't your emotions, yours? Why relegate them to your kids or grandkids?

Probly something I'm not understanding here?


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

littlejoe said:


> Aren't your emotions, yours? Why relegate them to your kids or grandkids?
> 
> Probly something I'm not understanding here?



You're probably a good guy Little Joe, but I don't trust you.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

And I guess that's why Joe. lol.
I don't trust you either, OR radad. BUT then again, I don't trust me either. lol


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

I can't trust myself either, I do some of the dumbest sh** you can imagine.


[YOUTUBE]M0awIFCcDn8[/YOUTUBE]


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

Well, I trust you, LJ. You are a good one.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

I'm too independant, mischeivous and non needy. Men like women that cause drama and are needy. I would like to have a man to help me, cuddle me, put up with my crazy sense of humor and have ridiculous sex with, . But so far no takers...none that I like anyways....LOL


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

I'm alone cause 8 out of 10 voices in my head say, "Stay at home! Clean your gun!". AND Fowler scares me! (so does that dude at the range! lol)


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Be afraid, be very afraid...I am so unique I scare myself...LOL


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

oneraddad at the shooting range! lol

[youtube]fX7gZ4i9C0o[/youtube]


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

shanzone2001 said:


> Well, I trust you, LJ. You are a good one.


i trust him too.


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

I believe that I am a pretty good judge of character, well, men's character anyway (women just flash me their boobs and Im their slave! lol), but I would trust LittleJoe in just about any situation. IF you have been on the board as long as I have, you will find he is about the most trust-worthy individual on here.


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

I don't trust God, has nothing to do with LJ.

I have a small circle of trust and I'm good with that. Trusting someone with the keys to my house or car is different then giving someone the keys to my heart.


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

Remember this is "Why I'm Alone" and not about LJ, he's not my type.

I just don't want to compromise and I don't trust humans.


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

Geesh folks! I'm as human as the rest of ya'll are. I'm still thankful that I know ya'll as much as I do, and look forward to meeting you at some point in time.

I'm kinda humbled at this point. Thanks my friends!


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Well now we know why oneraddad is alone...LOL


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

yep. Hes about put himself where ive tried to put myself. outa reach lol


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Fowler said:


> I'm too independant, mischeivous and non needy. Men like women that cause drama and are needy. I would like to have a man to help me, cuddle me, put up with my crazy sense of humor and have ridiculous sex with, . But so far no takers...none that I like anyways....LOL


.....
Little Miss Poohlicious innocently whispered to Joe Bob Gullible. He raised one eyebrow in interested animal speculation while she daintily stood beside her camouflaged cellar trap, cradling her "secret hankie" behind her back.

RUN JOE BOB! RUN!


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

sustainabilly said:


> .....
> Little Miss Poohlicious innocently whispered to Joe Bob Gullible. He raised one eyebrow in interested animal speculation while she daintily stood beside her camouflaged cellar trap, cradling her "secret hankie" behind her back.
> 
> RUN JOE BOB! RUN!


Aw Naw...come on now, its a duck blind... Really!! :angel:


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Spiritually we are always alone. Loneliness helps us find ourselves and then to eventually seek out others. If we constantly find our self in failing relationships loneliness and pain will nudge us to make some self examination to see where our character flaws may destroying or changes of real love. Then, hoefully we get it right the next time or at least a little better. Every step in the right direction is a step in the right direction. Eventually we will get there, if not in this life then in our next life.

Relationships are gifts from the universe that can be revoked at anytime. We come and go like seasons blowing in the wind. 

You have to love yourself to be able to love another. I think the Beatle Paul said it best: "the love you take is equal to the love you make."


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## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

I guess I'm alone because I've figured out that at this point in my life I really ENJOY living by myself. Well, not quite alone, my dog is great company...


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## wintrrwolf (Sep 29, 2009)

I choose to be alone as in no relationship because I raised my sisters since I was the oldest and my mother worked all the time, I raised my 4 kids and am now taking care of my mother who is only 66 but went through lung cancer and chemo a few years back. Does it sound selfish that I really don't want another person to have to take care of or tell me what to do? Don't have grandbabies yet and am happy that my kids are being smart and waiting until they are secure, and enjoying their youth since I never had much of one.
I finally have my goats, horses, chickens and such on this small farmstead and though I have to do everything myself I only have one person now making demands of me and she earned it.
I wonder at times if there is some guy out there and then I think wait do I really want to run the risk???? Bahh being a women can suck at times I tell ya!


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

RideBarefoot said:


> I guess I'm alone because I've figured out that at this point in my life I really ENJOY living by myself. Well, not quite alone, my dog is great company...


Wow! Shouldn't ride 'em barefoot so long that they can't keep up? Sucks, riding by yourself, no? LMAO!!!!

I've got a dog as well, although not great company. Buster is Catahoula, border collie, n blue heeler. A thorn mostly, but still entertaining! A dog in need of a job! He steals tools, digs holes in the yard, and has dug up planted trees. Anywhere there is water, he fights with it. I lay it on the drought we have. 

Still... he is a good potlicker, and chief dishwasher. He's enjoying the tail end of a crockpot of pintos, that I added a big smoked ham bone too, with lots of meat. Took the bone out for him.

They were awesome, but very gaseous after eating them as a bachelor eats... like a frickin' starving coyote!  Cooked a bunch of really good chile when the kids were home, and one had a date. Pretty dang tasty! #2 son said never again!

What can I say? Does the food we eat have any bearing on why we are alone? LMAO!


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## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

Buster sounds like an interesting companion. My dog would love to have the job of potlicker and dishwasher; but I've disqualified him from those positions because I know danged well he licks his own hiney every day.


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## DJ54 (Jul 27, 2013)

I don't mind living by myself, although it would be great to have someone to share interests, hobbies, lifestyles, etc. I have dated several over the years, and one in particular more than several years back, was an awesome lady. We had a serious relationship, but she broke it off. She had married the love of her life, and he dumped her after 20 years of marriage for a younger girl. She was so afraid of getting hurt that bad again, we parted ways. Still friends, but haven't seen her for 3-4 years.

Have friends all the time trying to "fix me up" with someone that has absolutely nothing in common. I've dated several others, and most of them seem to be looking for a meal ticket. I was fortunate to have a good job, and retire at age 50. I don't have a lavish place, but it is comfortable. Basically the homeplace where I grew up. Parents passed, so bought out my Sis's half. I'm in the process of making it suitable to me. 

I do have horses, and enjoy trailriding, and horsecamping. I finally got back into some veggie gardening this year, and did manage to get some items put up by canning and freezing. Lot's of other interests and hobbies along with it.

I do seem to attract one's that like to spend other's money, LOL... But smart enough to turn them away. I would prefer to find someone without children... Just my preference. I do get comments from wives of friends that wonder why I'm still single. I just tell them I haven't found the right one yet. One even went as far as telling me she may have married the wrong guy, in front of her husband... Did not go over well..., LOL...

I do have a personal on a dating site, and have found more then several I've enjoyed chatting with. Problem is, they live 200+ miles away.

So where are all of you single, no kids, horse loving, gardening loving, doesn't mind if a guy smokes, girls..??

And the last one, smoking seems to be more of a deal breaker that anything. Everything seems great, except I smoke. Doesn't matter that they have 4 kids, and umteen grandkids I'm supposed to give free rides on the horses to, along with whatever friends they bring along, LOL... I'm not running a riding stable here...

So come on ladies speak up.....!! Anyone near SE Central Ohio..??


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## NickieL (Jun 15, 2007)

DJ54 said:


> I don't mind living by myself, although it would be great to have someone to share interests, hobbies, lifestyles, etc. I have dated several over the years, and one in particular more than several years back, was an awesome lady. We had a serious relationship, but she broke it off. She had married the love of her life, and he dumped her after 20 years of marriage for a younger girl. She was so afraid of getting hurt that bad again, we parted ways. Still friends, but haven't seen her for 3-4 years.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Well... Ya had me till the smoking. It is a deal breaking. Kissing a smoker is nasty  as is the smell on the clothes and not to mention the Heath risks. 


Sent from my iPhone using Homesteading Today


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## DJ54 (Jul 27, 2013)

Yeah, I get a lot of that... No problem... On the other hand, it seems to be perfectly OK if they drink... I'm not fond of kissing a wine, or liquor bottle either, or at least anymore..., LOL...


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

There seems to be many nice men ...in cyberspace....miles away..:Bawling:


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

There are roads that connect those miles....

200 miles=approx. 4 hours drive

Is 4 hours really too much to drive?


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Interesting question Terri in WV......drive 4 hours for a date huh? Maybe if it involved bacon!


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

DJ54 said:


> I would prefer to find someone without children... Just my preference.


This is the problem I find in my age bracket.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

Speaking from experience, sometimes the travel is worth it, for the benefits at the end.


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## DJ54 (Jul 27, 2013)

In my world, yes a 4 hour drive is too much to have a relationship. A 1 hour drive would be pushing it... I live in a highly populated area, so I'd think there would be someone close. Not everyone gets on the information highway... And not everyone maybe goes out amongst them as much as some...

Before I retired, many of my jobs wee 2 hrs. away, and we'd work 14 hr days lots of times. Just kind of burned me out on driving the long distances...


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

Then you'd be better off advertising locally if an hour drive is going to bust you.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

roadless said:


> There seems to be many nice men ...in cyberspace....miles away..:Bawling:


Women too...  Im going to start a new thread so as not to hijack this one.


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## awhobert7 (Jun 1, 2002)

I have a hole in me I don't know if it can be filled. I hope to fill it some day.


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## BamaSuzy (May 10, 2002)

DJ54, I just want to address the smoking issue: the no smoking ideal is on my list of what to look for in a man because I sat here and watched my husband of 34 years die of heart disease, cancer, and COPD after he smoked all his life....I would have to unhook the oxygen til the bitter end and let him get a few puffs....if he had quick smoking after the two heart attacks seven years ago he might still be with us....but he couldn't or wouldn't....I am severely allergic to cigarette smoke as well....it's your right to smoke if you want to but two of my adult children watched as their daddy, who was 6 ft 4 inches, dwindle down to 60 pounds and that was a good enough incentive for them to just quit smoking...I can understand you not wanting to date anyone with children....I won't date anybody that has younger children....mine are all grown....best wishes...


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Sometimes I'd rather smell smoke then some of the womens and mens cologne they wear. I am always burning tree limbs outside so I always smell of smoke, it also covers the fact that I smoke...LOL Just an FYI mouthwash is your friend...LOL


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## BamaSuzy (May 10, 2002)

I heat with wood (my only heat) so I always smell of wood smoke too but it's a different smell than cigarettes! and yes some women and men's cologne and perfumes are overwhelming!!!! that makes my allergies go nuts too!!!


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## NickieL (Jun 15, 2007)

BamaSuzy said:


> I heat with wood (my only heat) so I always smell of wood smoke too but it's a different smell than cigarettes! and yes some women and men's cologne and perfumes are overwhelming!!!! that makes my allergies go nuts too!!!



Agree... Love woodsmoke/campfire smoke. It's a completely different smell. 


Sent from my iPhone using Homesteading Today


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