# Speaking in Code...



## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

Since stepping into the shark infested waters known as online dating, I have learned there are many words or phrases that can mean something different than what they mean on the surface. There's also a whole lot of lingo I've had to learn, but it's kind of fun!

Bass fishing vs Cat fishing... Anyone know these two? 

"Let's meet for drinks" - this one I think is explanatory, but I'm surprised how many don't know. (as an aside, I never ask this - I only ask to meet for coffee 

I'd be interested to hear words others have heard or used!


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

I know what the term catfish can mean in regards to online activity. Asking someone out for drinks is code for sex? Cause I had no idea. I'm too old for this mess lmbo


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

Cat fishing - pretending to be someone outrageously different from who the person actually is. (like, a girl pretending to be a guy or vice versa...)

Bass fishing - catch and release. It's easy. It's fun. It's *mean*. In essence, trying to "hook" someone from the opposite gender, not even with the desire of fooling around, but just to stroke the ego. Both guys and girls are guilty of this I hear.

Yes. Asking someone for drinks tends to be a polite way of asking for the potential of something more carnal.

"I'm busy", "Things are really busy right now" - means I'm too busy for you.

"Looking for friends" - Sometimes this *does* actually mean what it says, but often it means either that they're looking for no strings attached stuff or to sign up for the "free meal of the week" program.

Pictures of someone doing yoga in St Barts or some other exotic island locale - "my ex was a Dr / Lawyer... I'll be expecting you'll take me to the same kinds of places.

"I was out with my girlfriends last night" - typically (tho not always) means they were out with another love interest.

Morning texts - they're definitely in to you.
Morning phone call - even more so.
Asking pointed questions about career, life goals, or exes - They're either unsure and sizing you up, or they're really looking at you as a potential partner.

"It's not you, it's me" - no... it's definitely *you* unfortunately
"I don't deserve someone like you" - I feel bad, but I'm still dumpin' ya.
"I need to spread my wings and fly" - I'm gonna see another guy


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

That sounds awful.


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

If a fellow tells you, "I have no feminine side", he really means, "I'm self-centered, and I don't care about anyone but ME."


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I doubt if any guy is going to fess up bout having a feminine side, whether he does or not, to another woman. Most of us think that we got to act macho, self assured, in control of ourselves and any situation that may come before us


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Acting self assured, and in control of yourself and any situation that may come before you has nothing to do with having a feminine side; nor a masculine side, for that matter, Bill. It's just what adults do. What would you consider to be some of the elements of a guy's feminine side, Bill? Like, could you give examples? I reckon they'd probably have to do with stuff women feel comfortable talking about, that guys would shy away from. But I'm curious what you think.


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## Declan (Jan 18, 2015)

Not sure if it translates into anything as far as the dating scene, but sometimes I have decided to meet up with people from online when I am traveling to their area whom I know through forums/discussion boards and ask about places to go and see when I am in their area.

I have discovered the following Guy Talk codes (particularly for bigger cities):

"Hey let's grab a beer when you come."=They are straight and you will end up at a sports bar.

"We should go out for drinks when you are in town"=They are probably not straight,and if they are, you are going to end up in a place too expensive to get a good buzz going.

"There is this place me and my friends hang out. You should come by and I will buy you a cocktail."=You are about to see the inside of a gay bar firsthand, but it will take you like 10 minutes to say to yourself "This is strange. There aren't very many women in this place for a Saturday night".


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

As to your last D I was in a les bar once and thought the same thing about men. There wernt any. 

I have a feminine side billy, but I wont go into divulging it. I also have to disagree with you respectfully as to having one or the other being just what adults have.

Because I know I have a feminine side, I took up fighting in the SCA. I took up quick drawing. I took on any dare that was aimed at me, It was my way of trying to stay above its power, not knowing where its power would lead me. Being a Libra didn't help[ in that either lol.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Bill. The reason I brought that point up is because your post seemed to suggest that the reason some men don't show or talk about the feminine side of their character, and are more concerned with showing that they're in control and self assured, is because, to them, their feminine side is in opposition to their manliness. To them, appearing self assured and in control is somehow an attribute that's more closely associated with manliness, than with being a woman. Hence, to talk about it, or display that side of themselves would, somehow, make them appear to be less masculine, not in control...etc.

Now, there's no doubt that there are lots of guys out there who think it goes against the 'code of manhood' to be that way. And, to them I'd say, "Hey, whatever floats your boat..." But, I think they're shortchanging themselves because they're relegating themselves to a one dimensional way of thinking. 

The point I was making, Bill, and the reason I called BS on your comment, is that those attributes; self assurance and being in control of oneself, may indeed be qualities that lots of men possess. But, no more than lots of women. That's something I think lots of men seem to overlook. Like they have a blind spot when it comes to that, IDK. And, women see that and don't much appreciate it. Because, and I'm only guessing here... because it belittles a woman's worth. 

Those attributes have nothing to do with whether a man is afraid to show or talk about his feminine side, or not. Because they aren't in opposition to that side. If they were, then how would you explain the combination of a very feminine woman who is _also_ self assured, and in control of herself and any situation that may come up?

In fact, I believe it's the very fact that a man _is_ self assured and in control, that allows him to not feel like less of a man when he shows his feminine side.


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

Lordy, Farmboy and I are both Libras lol! (who knew we had so much in common Bill 

I think, to me, I wouldn't really know what a "feminine" or "masculine" side was... I mean, if I started dressing in all pink that would probably qualify... But, having three daughters, I never say things like "you kick like a girl" or "hit like a girl" or "throw the ball like a girl"... to me, it would be disrespectful to say such a thing (and my daughters can throw a football with the best of em'! )

I'm perfectly happy to show my emotions, love it when girls work out, and actually like it when they *don't* wear makeup. Don't know how that would really fit in to the scheme.

I tell my daughters to do well in school and seek a respectable well paying career. To not rely on a man. To know how to check tire pressure, oil, and antifreeze. I've shown them how to wire an outlet (all power was off ... I'm glad none of them ever really took to pink, and in general can kick some patootie if they have to - not bowing to anyone. They're not really tomboys, but they do a lot of the same that I did when I was a kid.

Feminine. Masculine. I don't use those terms so much.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

hmmmmm Another time, long ago


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

yeah Billy, Butt on the udder hand, Look at the hoods, wanna be punks, bikers, that exude confidence, power, self assurance, ect ect, and the women find them like a magnet.

As to my feminine side, I choke up at every sad movie, at saving the seals, or dogs, or wounded warriors, at every sad thing.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

When learned to fightin the SCA, We were taught that because of our knowledge, and abilitys, we were above most men, and could take their S to a point cause we realized that they were just wannabe us, therefore we could excuse them to a point. WE didn't have to puff ourselves up, run a bluff, try to scare away apponets..

I have always tried to hold myself to The Old Code, as shown on the movie Dragonheart

My life is sworn valour
My heart knows only virture
My strength uphol;ds the weak
My blade defends the helpless
My word speaks ever truth
My wrath undoes the wicked

Its worked out pretty good so far.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

OK code crackers, tells me what's up w/ this........

Joined a meet up group.
Tonight is a group sports activity.
You have to alert the group that you are coming "RSVP" button.
Did that.
And in the first 5 min, I get a message......it was incomplete sentences, no punctuation, and hard to follow.......anyway, he asks if I have a face book.
I completely ignore it.

I get a second message. Same dude. Totally ignore for day.
I replied yesterday "I am just coming to watch Monday, I do not have the equipment at this time, but I am looking!"
IMMEDIATELY he replies "i have extra, got a phone number?"

Ok, this is not some 22 year old........this dude is over 50.
Is this normal?


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## Dutchie (Mar 14, 2003)

Laura Zone 10 said:


> OK code crackers, tells me what's up w/ this........
> 
> Joined a meet up group.
> Tonight is a group sports activity.
> ...


He doesn't sound quite right to me.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

I don't know about normal, but it definitely sounds as though he wants to be ahead of the pack with the new girl in the group.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Warwalk said:


> But, having three daughters, I never say things like "you kick like a girl" or "hit like a girl" or "throw the ball like a girl"... to me, it would be disrespectful to say such a thing (and my daughters can throw a football with the best of .




Lol the best shot on my sons basketball team is a girl , a tiny gangly pink wearing girl. 
So "you throw like a girl" is a complicated compliment.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Dutchie said:


> He doesn't sound quite right to me.



Unless he is the coach. ?


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

AmericanStand said:


> Unless he is the coach. ?



Would have been really helpful if he had made mention of that. I don't think Laura would have asked about it had he done that.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I agree with rkintns first post, but I didn't understand 1/2 of it all


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## Dutchie (Mar 14, 2003)

AmericanStand said:


> Unless he is the coach. ?


True. My highly cynical mind hadn't thought of that.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Call me old fashioned or whatever, but if i have to talk in "code" to get a date I honestly don't think i would consider dating that woman. The only time i would consider talking "code" is after we had been dating a while and had secret intimate words between ourselves. I certainly would consider that as a way of engaging in a form of "tantalizing teasing" , which may well run the length of the entire day, leading to an eventful evening. :duel: :happy: :clap:


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

I'm out of tops, you know where to get any trees ?


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

sustainabilly said:


> Bill. The reason I brought that point up is because your post seemed to suggest that the reason some men don't show or talk about the feminine side of their character, and are more concerned with showing that they're in control and self assured, is because, to them, their feminine side is in opposition to their manliness. To them, appearing self assured and in control is somehow an attribute that's more closely associated with manliness, than with being a woman. Hence, to talk about it, or display that side of themselves would, somehow, make them appear to be less masculine, not in control...etc.
> 
> Now, there's no doubt that there are lots of guys out there who think it goes against the 'code of manhood' to be that way. And, to them I'd say, "Hey, whatever floats your boat..." But, I think they're shortchanging themselves because they're relegating themselves to a one dimensional way of thinking.
> 
> ...


 I love this commentary. It further explains the guys not talking and the weird energies going around. We have all these men who are there but they don't talk. They act like they don't like us, turns out they really like us. More than that, they respect us and that makes them scared to show themselves. There's one recently started being everywhere I go. Last week he stalked me around the store. I ducked down feminine products, doubled back and caught him coming around the corner just in time. Like a border collie I had him pinned between a concrete pillar and spring fresh douches.

He looked like he came face to face with my 150 lb. cougar. Now if a man can't have a conversation with a lady in the presence of feminine products I doubt he's capable of having a relationship with a person of the feminine persuasion. I stuffed down that Foghorn Leghorn masculine energy that gave me the urge to step up grab him by the shirt and start slapping him while shouting, "Speak up boy, got something to say then say it, what's the matter, cat got your tongue? Speak up!" I kept smiling and walking. He still shows up.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

oneraddad said:


> I'm out of tops, you know where to get any trees ?


LOL :nono: LOL


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Laura said:


> I love this commentary. It further explains the guys not talking and the weird energies going around. We have all these men who are there but they don't talk. They act like they don't like us, turns out they really like us. More than that, they respect us and that makes them scared to show themselves. There's one recently started being everywhere I go. Last week he stalked me around the store. I ducked down feminine products, doubled back and caught him coming around the corner just in time. Like a border collie I had him pinned between a concrete pillar and spring fresh douches.
> 
> He looked like he came face to face with my 150 lb. cougar. Now if a man can't have a conversation with a lady in the presence of feminine products I doubt he's capable of having a relationship with a person of the feminine persuasion. I stuffed down that Foghorn Leghorn masculine energy that gave me the urge to step up grab him by the shirt and start slapping him while shouting, "Speak up boy, got something to say then say it, what's the matter, cat got your tongue? Speak up!" I kept smiling and walking. He still shows up.


Umm...glad I could help?


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

sustainabilly said:


> Umm...glad I could help?


Moral of story: The closest some guys can get to being in touch with their feminine side is being a douche.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Well, now that we got _that_ cleared up, Laura, maybe Warwalk can come up with another _scintillating_ thread topic for ~~~~Days of Our Singletree~~~~ LMAO

Sorry. I'm just feeling like a smart -- dang moderation limits -- today. LOL


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

I appreciate Warwalk's guide to internet dating vocabulary. Having words for the behavior helps. The behaviors are grouped and listed under mental health codes. These things aren't normal or healthy. It's appalling to me that so many people participate in treating people badly for entertainment. That's why everyone is scared.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

I liked the topic too. I'm not treating anyone badly. Just poking fun, yes fun, at the way we all, yes me too, sometimes take ourselves way too seriously. It's good to know the real meaning of some of these phrases. I'm not dissing that at all. It's just that, some people are always really intense. And, often they're also easy to get all riled up. For someone like me, who looks at life from a different perspective, it's too tempting to pass up. Just ignore me, I can handle that too.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

I know ya'll like to poke fun at me because I use big words and talk funny. 

I don't internet date because of the gaming. Life is too short for that. Some of these terms came up recently in conversations, I thought we took a turn to talk fishing. I stated the only bass fishing would be big mouth bass holes in inland warm water and I don't go there. I didn't feel like crashing on the rocks for sea bass when there's salmon to catch. 

Sometimes clueless has it's advantages. I understand it makes life interesting. Clueless doesn't mean gullible.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

I don't know who all would be included in y'all, cuz I've been the only one bustin' your chops in this thread. Plus, since they changed my meds the voices've been kinda quiet. so, I'm... reasonably sure it's just me.

I can't speak to why anyone else might want to razz you either, Laura. But for me it's not because you use big words or talk funny. It's because you're easy, lol. Meaning, it's easy to get your goat. I'll bet you're fun to watch in person when you get all frazzled, too. And, well... aww hell, I'm a child. ROFL!!


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Perception's a funny thing. I don't frazzle  and I have no goats to get. I sold them to the Mexicans at a premium price and a darn glad deal for both of us!

I get razzed by everyone eventually. It gives me permission to dish it whenever I please....within the limits of the forum host.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Reckon I'll just have to take your word for it.


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

I got more codes.... 5150


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## Allen W (Aug 2, 2008)

Somebody call the popo


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Code brown on isle 2


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

So am i understanding the drift of this thread correctly? Is it that when a man shows sensitivity, or nurturing tendencies, or an otherwise softer side, is that the definition we are using for a man showing his feminine side?

I got news for ya, real men do gets tears in the eyes, especially when our finger somehow happens to end up between a 6 pound sledge hammer a piece of red hot iron and/or the anvil! :rain: We also don't drop kick 6 week old kittens when they finally emerge from under the tool bench. Sometimes we even toss bits of our BLT to the kittens to watch miniature WWF wrestling feline style! :duel: We give em names like killer, stripes and stars, and striker. 

We also speak freely to women when it is appropriate and return civilized dialogue when they speak to us. We don't "hit on" women, that has always been lame unless both are drunk. When we show genuine interest in a lady in a proper and respectable way we are rewarded by big smiles and respected for that. If for some reason the woman of our interests is not interested or otherwise unavailable, it is not unheard of for her to give us an introduction to a nice and available lady friend of hers! 

Interestingly, it seems real men get labeled the same as socially challenged men that are by all accounts highly immature and very near to the point of behaviour of what i would call an adolescent male. 

Just a morning rant, i think i need more coffee...:nana:


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

@ Laura Zone 10 - If that guy is that pushy up front I'd actively seek to push him away... it's an unfortunate aspect of dating (whether online or elsewhere) that sometimes you'll find some loons. It's not only the women that this happens with either - I had a girl banging on my door at 5:30 in the morning once because I hadn't answered my phone. This was after two weeks. I'd definitely steer clear of that type of person, and (on the off chance they could be nice) get to know them "from afar".

@Doingitmyself - I understand completely what you're saying about not "talking in code"... how it's much nicer to simply communicate as people. Still, if you've never done it, it can be quite the experience... a person puts up their profile - skeptical, but curious as to what people might think. Then you get a like, and say "hey, that's kind of cool?". You study the person... ask yourself if maybe you could like them and vice versa. Then, two minutes later, another like (so now you've got choices, and that's cool). Then a few more minutes and another like. 

If you've ever heard popcorn popping, this is an apt description. A few slow pops at first, followed by a brisk popping, and then a cacophony of sound: one like becomes two, two become ten, ten become a hundred and fifty (and I can only *imagine* what it's like for the females lol!). 

At first, it's flattering, then in turn intimidating (how can I possibly respond to them all?), and finally jading, as each person is no longer a person but simply a number... one number out of many many many. This is when a reality check is in order in the dating process - as they are *all* people. People looking for love, or partnership, or just someone to play horseshoes with. 

One almost has to speak in code in order to not hurt others, as there's only so many hours in the day, and sometimes being completely frank and honest is the most hurtful thing of all.


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

@Doingitmyself - As I wrap up my last cup of coffee I thought of one last thing from your post. You'd written:

"...We don't "hit on" women, that has always been lame unless both are drunk. When we show genuine interest in a lady in a proper and respectable way we are rewarded by big smiles and respected for that."

I'm not sure if it's the same thing or not, but if I'm friends with a woman and there's an interest I'm definitely going to let her know - *provided* I believe the feelings are reciprocated. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you like em', go after em'...


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

WW I liked your post and see your point about speaking in code. Being completely honest and frank is not the same as, nor is it a license to be brutally blunt, boorish, and bullish. I know you already know this, but some people, both he and she, enjoy "shooting down" others! To my way of thinking its a self culling move from the dating pool. Honesty always wins. It will set you apart from many of the other guys, that are immature. :clap:

Who knows, if after getting to know someone a little better you may find that the one that " you just didn't have chemistry with" proves herself to be a most excellent friend leading to a slowly kindled interest! :happy:


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

I really don't think you gotta keep putting down someone different than you. There doesn't always gotta be a bad guy and not all the younger generation is screwed up. So just stop with the generalizations.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Now I'm aware of this language code I'll be more careful where I say, "Last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it!"  I'll continue telling catch and release fishermen if they don't have enough respect to take their catch home and eat it, to go to the national park where recreational pretenders are welcome and they don't care how many fish you kill as long as you put them back in the water. I don't date big mouth bass-holes or catch & release fishermen. I didn't know I was having conversations about them, with them. I'm glad I'm the first to walk away from those conversations...... LOL!

DIM I recently came to the conclusion many people in my area simply do not know how to act adult. It's purported to be a hyper-aggressive patriarchal culture, what I found is it's driven by incredibly mean insecure women. The men are stuck in neutral energy watching from the sideline, the clowns are stuck in hyper-drive aggressive suck. Bypassing their passive-aggressive antics and speaking directly turns many into blubbering whiners, hot tin dancers and whack-a-weasels.

I like being in the feminine. Unfortunately that looks like food to some people. They are mistaken. Feminine does not mean helpless and it doesn't mean manipulating shrew either. I'm sure it scares the heck out of neutral energy men who stand back and observe the predatory stalker clowns, who do not accept the word No, be told loudly they will be gutted like a fish if they approach again. 

No, be respectful, be respected, learn how to have a conversation!
The last couple of years were tough, too many funerals for gentlemen friends.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

You know... it's hardly worth the effort, ord. Whether your above comment was meant in general, or aimed at a specific person, in the end it'll be no more than yesterday's news. Everybody's a critic. Or, maybe these days it's better to say everybody's a wannabe social engineer. 

Once people reach adulthood they're so entrenched in using the language code of posturing, generalization, innuendo, and braggadocio they've been cultivating since adolescence, most don't even consider that they're speaking in code. Then, if ever a _real_ person is encountered, I know for myself anyway, that I'm so jaded from dealing with the rest of the crap that my first impression is, really?...really.

And, it's multiplied a lot by the internet. Heck, even when you think you know enough about someone to be reasonably sure they're not projecting an image, it happens. Eventually some situation comes up. Things are said. Later, you might be thinking about the exchange, and it hits you. You put the past together with what you've recently been told and realize that someone you thought was an honest, upfront person is just another poser; just another online persona.

I've noticed that lots of folks, the ones that put me in mind of the ant in _The Ant and the Grasshopper_, from Aesop's Fables, have the attitude that if you're not like them, then you _must_ be like the grasshopper. For them, it appears, there's no middle ground; until it comes to their accepted list of subjective exceptions. They are so sure of their obviously unimpeachable rationale, they never consider that the palette of humanity is not monochromatic.

In my case, I'm not a carbon copy of the ant. News flash! That doesn't make me the grasshopper either. It just makes me someone who believes that working hard to prepare for winter doesn't have to be all drudgery. I don't want to get to the end of my life and realize that I don't have enough laugh lines on my face to offset the callouses on my hands.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

After we consider the ant, let's move on to the wonderful world of bees. Wow! There are a lot of different kinds of bees that pollinate our crops. They all make honey to feed themselves through the winter even though not all bees are honeybees. Bumblebees are my favorite.

Hornets, wasps and yellow jackets are members of the bee family. Although we know them as a-holes, they serve a purpose in the grand scheme of symbiotic relationships in nature.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Careful Laura. The bees might lead to the birds. Then, next thing you know we're hearing about the twins and the pups... the saggin sisters...blah blah blah, lol.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

yeah, and then I might start in lol


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

Our kind have always been code talkers.

Cavewomen throws spear at staring caveman. Caveman thinks, "she likes me."


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Bret said:


> Our kind have always been code talkers.
> 
> Cavewomen throws spear at staring caveman. Caveman thinks, "she likes me."


Is this more evidence to the theory men like mean women? If they can't find a mean woman, they find a nice one and make her mean?

Is it in fact true nice ladies are boring?


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

What has a bottom at its top? A leg. Pass it on.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

I don't have time for codes, don't care about them, not going to try to decipher it all. If a man can't say what he means and mean what he says, I've really got no time for it.

....and therefore....I am single.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Nice ladies are NOT boring to men around my age. 40yrs ago, might be different.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

You've got about 10 yrs on me, but it's the same for me, Bill. I don't need the drama. I'd rather play nice. Problem is, I'm also at the stage in life where I'm not going to just sit back and let someone say whatever they want and walk all over me. Sometimes it's hard to balance the two. And, sometimes no matter what you do it doesn't work out right.


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

I think all of your people need a puppy............:hysterical::hysterical:


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Sourdough said:


> I think all of your people need a puppy............:hysterical::hysterical:


It's my puppies who've convinced me that --how did Randy Newman put it?-- short people ain't worth my time.


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## tamarackreg (Mar 13, 2006)

WhyNot said:


> I don't have time for codes, don't care about them, not going to try to decipher it all. If a man can't say what he means and mean what he says, I've really got no time for it.
> 
> ....and therefore....I am single.


Ditto from the other side!


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Sourdough said:


> I think all of your people need a puppy............:hysterical::hysterical:


 Now that I know what I'm talking about ain't what others are talking about, you confirm my intuition a new dog is a good idea.


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

Just pick one.....guaranteed a puppy will not to leave the toilet seat up.........and they will LOVE you for ever and ever just the way you are, they will not try to change you.

https://images.search.yahoo.com/yhs...s&fr=ytff1-yff32&hspart=mozilla&hsimp=yhs-006





Laura said:


> Now that I know what I'm talking about ain't what others are talking about, you confirm my intuition a new dog is a good idea.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

I'm too old for puppies! I'm too old and slow for another border collie. Right now I'm feeling kinda sorry I put the old aussie on B12. It helps her nerves, but she also figured out it's easier to catch birds while they're sleeping. 

The kids are dog shopping shelters in civilization this week for a mastiff weight, short hair utility farm dog. I gave them parameters for looking at the misidentified dogs; presa canarios, bandogges and told them don't be afraid to bring home an ugly dog.


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

Laura said:


> ......... and told them don't be afraid to bring home an ugly dog.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Sourdough said:


>


 LOL! Yes, I did ask the kid about a dog's wrinkles. Wrinkles add expression to the character. What's most important is the smile.
We discussed turning a suburban dog into a country dog, how to train a dog who's afraid of the dark and never encountered predators bigger than a raccoon. I'm sure the old aussie will teach him her best Lassie tricks


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

Raeven said:


> What has a bottom at its top? A leg. Pass it on.


This stand-up riddle has legs.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

Bret said:


> This stand-up riddle has legs.


I always knew you got my sense of humor. 

And thanks for not making me the butt of your joke.


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

Raeven said:


> I always knew you got my sense of humor.
> 
> And thanks for not making me the butt of your joke.


I know how to toe the line. I'm just not good at it.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

Bret said:


> I know how to toe the line. I'm just not good at it.


Well, I thighed with relief, all the same.

(Hey, are we speaking in code?)


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## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

I'm still trying to figure out if "puppy" is some sort of code...


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Sourdough said:


> I think all of your people need a puppy............:hysterical::hysterical:


I have a snake, hope that counts.


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

So long as it is NOT the type to be jealous if you bring a man home.



WhyNot said:


> I have a snake, hope that counts.


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

Puppies ? Did someone say puppies ?


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

RideBarefoot said:


> I'm still trying to figure out if "puppy" is some sort of code...


 If it is I wouldn't know. 

Unless it's Bill. Everything Bill says is code for one thing.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

LOL lol. Actually 2


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

See, I thought I was unique in saying "puppy"... 
...
*laughing 
Ba WOOF!


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

Puppies is old school. I got a kick out of this on youtube. 

https://www.youtube.com/embed/_CwHrJt8Oz8?rel=0


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

Okay, so speaking of "speaking in code"... I went out on a date to this restaurant a few days ago.
Now, for the viewing audience that follows, they'd quickly raise their hands and point out that 1) I swear all the time about how much I want to be friends, and 2) That I always go for coffee, never out to eat.

But she was *c'yoot!*... so I broke my own rules.

So, I suppose the code here would be that, for as much as us guys want to pretend how ironclad and strong we are, we can *still* be kind of soft underneath it all 

As is common with online dating, I'm sure there are a solid 200 guys right behind me making eyes at her. But I don't concern myself with the direction *they're* looking... more important to me is the direction *she's* looking - and right now that's at me, so that's a good thing.


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

Darren, that was *awesome* lol!!!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Cn yoot. What kinda code is that lol


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

That was great Darren.


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## simi-steading (Sep 27, 2012)

oneraddad said:


> I'm out of tops, you know where to get any trees ?


Yeah... We usually cut them down over by the ski slopes, so the snow bunnies don't bogart it all..


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Laura said:


> Is this more evidence to the theory men like mean women? If they can't find a mean woman, they find a nice one and make her mean?
> 
> Is it in fact true nice ladies are boring?



Kinda like nice guys. ?


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Tell it AS. I been saying that for years.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

Maybe the people who think they are nice really aren't as nice as they think are.


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

Dating update, and putting practical skills to good use:

So the girl I went out with decided I was worth another go 'round, thereby making me break my "no eating out" rule again... So all good. 

And then this morning I get the "morning message"... so we're on the right track. 

Still, at this point it's all just footsies. This is the easy part. The fun feelings. 

We'll see what happens as we get to know each other and see what the other wants. 

I think she's curious as to why I haven't tried to smooch on her, as she continues to move closer. But I really want to get to know her better... and I'm glad I'm at least sticking to some of my core ideas and putting friendship first.

And it *is* nice having her put her head on my shoulder and wrap her arm around my own... nice that she wants to feed me something from her own plate. 

Lordy. Good feelings.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

sucka LOL


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## RichNC (Aug 22, 2014)

FarmboyBill said:


> sucka LOL


I know you think you are being funny, but they have a 100% better chance than you do, at least they are trying!!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Wishem well!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Id have you know that ALOTTA women say that I am trying.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

AmericanStand said:


> Kinda like nice guys. ?


Some women only like party boys, and would never date a "nice guy"! They will tell you this up front! Then they complain when their boy friends don't stop partying. 

Humans are not logical!


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Terri said:


> Some women only like party boys, and would never date a "nice guy"! They will tell you this up front! Then they complain when their boy friends don't stop partying.
> 
> *Humans are not logical!*











Oh, so true!!


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Warwalk: My favorite aunt once told me that she married my uncle because he was a "nice man who did not put all the moves on her at once". Apparently he gave her a bit of time to get to know him.


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

So the update... here we were, about to go out (or so I thought), it's 5:30, she sends me a picture looking really cute, I ask what time we're heading out...

And she says she's going out with "her girlfriends". AAAA!!! 
She said "sorry Warwalk". And that was the end of our communication, until she texted me at just after 5:00 this morning to say "good morning".
***Shot down in flames lol***

So, it's confusing... and I don't 'do' confusing. I ain't 16.

went on to have a good evening out and about with some of my guy friends, and have formulated my outtake from this: 
1) Just because they hang on your arm doesn't mean they can't be hanging on someone else's.
2) Whether she went out with her girlfriends or not is irrelevant. It was rude, and shows a lack of interest.
3) I plan on putting this on the back burner. I'll wait for her to ask *me* out, and if not I'm not going to lose sleep over it.

One can be a nice, respectful guy and still draw firm boundaries.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

I'm so sorry.
I would lose her number.
That kind of blatant disregard for someone is not a 'one time' thing. 
It's a pattern of behavior......
Run.


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

I agree Laura... I mean, I could understand if it was a lunch date or something, but to cancel on a Saturday night with only an hour to spare without so much as a phone call... it's just not very nice. 

Still, I know stuff like this happens all the time, and I don't feel *too* bad, as the plans for the evening was her wanting to go to a bar / club (which is completely not my kind of thing... the thought of buying overpriced drinks while my ears ring from loud music just isn't enjoyable). 

She's texted several times today, but if I see "wyd" come across my phone one more time I think I will indeed lose her number  (one would think the ability to form full coherent sentences would be a no-brainer, but the whole texting lingo makes me want to pull my hair out lol!)


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

Agreed... 'wyd' must be code for 'Warrants Your Dismissal.'


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

what even does WYD mean?


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

I don't text and I don't speak in code, but if I had to hazard a guess, I'd say it means, "What're You Doing?"


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## tamarackreg (Mar 13, 2006)

"DELETE"

That was easy.

Go do something fun!


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

Thanks y'all  I actually said as much to her this evening. I kept getting texts all day and they were driving me nuts, so at about 4:00 this afternoon I asked "can you please call? I have a bunch of groceries and can't text and unload". She said "later". At 10:15 I said I'm going to bed... Then I went ahead and told her:
"I'm going to take a *big* step back. I'll wait for you to call. I'll wait for you to ask to do things. I'm easy like that.  " 
And that, for me, is that. No need for anything grandiose. No need for foul language. I'm sure she's got someone else that is working out better for her, so I don't get too upset. It happens. (and dollars to donuts she'll be texting and asking to do stuff before the week is out - but I really don't need this kind of silliness. I'm 42 - not 21)


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

@Laura - Texting lingo (which drives me nuts):
Wyd - "what (are) you doing?"
Ttyl - "talk to you later"
Bet - "you bet" / an affirmation or acknowledgement
Ikr - "I know, right?"
Gm / Gn - "good morning / good night"
Traffic - "there are others around that might be eyeing my phone or use of my phone, such as coworkers or nosy friends"
Brb - "be right back"
g2g - "got to go"

This lingo drives me crazy, as it's not *that* hard to type something out... and, worse comes to worse, pick up the phone lol.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

She sounds "young" (like 25-30 years old). 

I am NOT into texting.......it's ok for "did you make it home ok" or "can you get bread on your way home" etc.

Otherwise, for me personally, it's a big, red, flag.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

War, all that lingo might make it easier when a woman is driving a car while texting and checking her face for perfection in the mirror.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Hmmmm I know an almost 50 year old man that texts this kind of nonsense.....what's his excuse? ha ha


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

@ Laura Zone 10. I finally had to put a stop to the silliness this morning with her. No anger, no muss no fuss. She texted early (after I had said I would wait for her to speak to me / invite *me* out), and I said "Please call, I'm not in the mood for texting". 

Finally, miracle of miracles, she calls... and she says to me she's "so sorry" about this past weekend, that her girlfriends had taken her out, etc etc... She said she wanted to see me, but that she was still thinking about her ex who had cheated on her...

Now, a 'Me' from the past would have let her continue... but I think (despite myself) I've become somewhat jaded (or, perhaps, I simply draw my boundaries better?).

I told her that I understood where she was coming from. Understood about being conflicted with an ex... about wanting to move slow. But that didn't excuse rude behavior and that realistically I wouldn't accept it from *anyone* in my life - friend or amorous relation or whatever. I told her to go back, figure out what she wanted, and get back to me once she did... that in the meantime I'd go back to living *my* life.

She said "I thought you were my friend?... you *know* I think you're attractive". I said again "figure out what you want to do - that's all I can tell ya". We hung up. She texted "I think I miss you". I rolled my eyes. Back to living life.

I wasn't mean, but I did try to be firm. She's a cutie patootie, but I'm not having the silliness - not at my age.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

DUDE you just dodge a HUGE bullet.........DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT communicate w/ her again.
Boundaries are good things, and drawing a line on what is, and what is NOT acceptable behavior is GOOD. 

Man, good thing she showed herself before you wasted any more time or money.
Back to the drawing board my friend.

I am so curious.......how old is she?


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Nothing makes a man think of a woman as much as when it seems she is so busy all the time and that you have to take a number to see them. I have known some women to play this game a lot. It was even mentioned in a "woman's guide to dating" a few years ago. :duel: To me it seems a game for high schoolers.

I don't know any men that play this but I am sure some do.

Try that stuff with emotionally mature men and woman and one finds oneself off the dance card!


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

This actually brings up a good point too... and could be practically another subject altogether: 

_*"Friend - to be, or not to be... that is the question"*_

It's almost like the whole argument from "When Harry Met Sally". 
I personally have many female friends. I've known them for years. We'll talk perhaps every few weeks, once a month... sometimes less frequent even than that.

I've known them since high school... or college... or from work. I know their husbands, or I've heard of their boyfriends. We keep the conversation warm but civil. There might be mild flirtation on a rare occasion, but we each know our boundaries and stay well clear of them.

Why then could I not be the same with someone that has only *recently* entered my life? Point in fact, I could. And would. I in fact think that establishing a relationship with a base of a strong friendship is of utmost importance.

But, sometimes, in the battle of the sexes, the fallback position of "friends" is used far too often. It is a loose term that can mean anything - ranging from friendly relations to friendly acquaintances to "please don't hate my guts" to friends with benefits... all the way up to true, legitimate friends.

And some of those I'll accept. And I'll be the best "friend" possible - for whatever that entails. But I'll never be "the friend", as meant by the negative connotation. I won't listen to someone new talk about their ex... I have limited time and limited funds, and would prefer to use them seeking out my *own* happiness. Is this shallow of me? I'm not sure...

I could keep on typing, but I'll pause momentarily... see what y'all think


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

@ Laura Zone 10 - She's 34 
(you were pretty close)


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Warwalk said:


> This actually brings up a good point too... and could be practically another subject altogether:
> 
> _*"Friend - to be, or not to be... that is the question"*_
> 
> ...


 I ask for their definition of "friend." It doesn't always line up with mine.


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

And it's good Laura... I agree... asking a person what their intentions are is a right and proper move - male or female.

Many times though, people (male or female) tend to hide within the grey areas of life.

There are men who would profess whole-heartedly to wanting a partner... earnestly so, even. They will shower their date with affection and attention. But they will still find any small fault in their female counterpart to allow room for the next person that comes along. These men are jerks, and make it difficult for other guys.

There are likewise (unfortunately) women who would swear they're looking to meet that special someone, but really (short of George Clooney seating himself in front of them) are card carrying members of the "free dinner of the week" club. They have no intention of truly making a relationship with anyone, or at least not in a way that substantially matters.

This pair, male and female, are collectively "sport daters"... they have no intention of being with anyone, but will give a very convincing story to the contrary.

When they exit the life of the opposite sex, one must be prepared with a thick skin, as there will be no apology - let alone communication. They work from one girl to the next - one guy to the next.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

War. As to your 3rd para. I am NOT YET EARNESTLY looking. Ill admit that. I don't want to until I get the place bought and then get it fixed up. IF after that, I find that I like the way ive fixed it up, and that a woman may not like it, I will likely be satisfied in my new home made nest and stay alone.

I have set the permeters as to what im NOT looking for in women. Should I or any guy have to settle for someone who just isn't quite the right partner for them? It isn't like the woman would be paying for the dates. Just her time. BUT HEY, its his time to. Theres likely going to be a few women who fulfill all my requirements, and yet, still not be quite what I want in a partner. IF someone could find out everything about a person on one date, rather than have to go through months of dates to find a slip up on the others part, or a candid confession from them that the times been a waste, because, Then id be all for going on a date tomorrow. The sooner I can get past alla that and get settled down to the life still left in us, the better, BUT, it cant be that way. either just because it takes time, OR she is riding the fence, with her radar still out while she does HER culling.

That's just the way it is/works.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Warwalk said:


> And it's good Laura... I agree... asking a person what their intentions are is a right and proper move - male or female.
> 
> Many times though, people (male or female) tend to hide within the grey areas of life.
> 
> ...



Dude......that's messed up.......:smack


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

@Laura z10. The sport daters are unfortunately everywhere, and the internet makes it all the easier. I got two messages from that girl this morning as a matter of fact, after telling her explicitly I didn't want to be a part of things. Each message said "gm" (good morning). After the second one I replied "good morning to you as well. How are you?". Hours later - no response. 

(I figure she just hadn't gotten around to clearing me off her mass text list.)


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Warwalk..........if and when I ever date, it will be with a man no more than 5 years my JR. and 5 years my SR.

I am not trying to raise any more children, and I don't want to be someone's nurse.

Most men my age (or 5 years either way) want someone HALF their age......or younger. 
Not sure why? 
Either they need a nurse; they are not growing old gracefully; Viagra (hahahah, no seriously); they are trying to 'recapture' their youth; or they never matured........

Breathe guys, I'm not hating on the male species; I LOVE men. They're my favorite flavor! BUT 'men', like adult men, seem to be in short supply.......

When I was farting around on Plenty O Fish I put in 'seeking men from x age to y age" (my 5 years either way of my age) and MOST of those men (80%) were looking for women 25 and up........what in the world does a 40+ / 60- year old man have in common w/ a 25 year old? (other than sex)

Gross.

I have faith that there are, for real, good men out there. 
I KNOW they are. I just know it.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

What amazes me is that, mens sexual drive begins to diminish in there late teens, so its got to be something more than JUST sex. You make it sound like the woman they have/had couldn't keep up with them. I think that they don't want so much MORE sex than they had been getting, they just want it with a younger, long haired, perky gal instead of what they have/had. They don't/wont figure out that a gal 25yrs younger, and in her 20s/30s, will likely want it more than they want to provide it. ALSO, they don't/wont look at that belly there forming. Receding hairline, ect.


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## tamarackreg (Mar 13, 2006)

I'll have you guys know, I'm late forties and have younger friends, some half my age, that I can run into the ground, play or work. They are active, non-video playing, non-smokers, light drinkers. 

Not all men in their 40+ / 60- years are fat and sedentary.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

tamarackreg said:


> I'll have you guys know, I'm late forties and have younger friends, some half my age, that I can run into the ground, play or work. They are active, non-video playing, non-smokers, light drinkers.
> 
> Not all men in their 40+ / 60- years are fat and sedentary.



Thank goodness! . And not all women in their 40s are ready to dye their hair blue and start wearing support hose. I'm just getting started lol


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Best squeeze every ounce of fulfillment out of life you can, while you can. Cuz, you can't take it with you, that's for sure.


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

FarmboyBill said:


> What amazes me is that, mens sexual drive begins to diminish in there late teens, so its got to be something more than JUST sex. You make it sound like the woman they have/had couldn't keep up with them. I think that they don't want so much MORE sex than they had been getting, they just want it with a younger, long haired, perky gal instead of what they have/had. They don't/wont figure out that a gal 25yrs younger, and in her 20s/30s, will likely want it more than they want to provide it. ALSO, they don't/wont look at that belly there forming. Receding hairline, ect.


Geez Bill, I've known women double that age (50-70) that would give you a run for your money. :happy:


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I think that was what I was saying Billy.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

FarmboyBill said:


> I think that was what I was saying Billy.


Are you referring to my use of the word fulfillment? If so, I wasn't talking about sex. And, I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure Laura Z 10 wasn't either when she said _"...what in the world does a 40+ / 60- year old man have in common w/ a 25 year old?"_ I was talking about an entirely different, and broader encompassing, type of fulfillment. The kind gained by sharing common interests, common life experiences, etc., which are often much more similar in people who are closer to each other in age.

FYI, Bill. Firstly, I think you're essentially right in your description of that stereotypical behavior in some men. And also, in pointing out the fly in the ointment as far as what those men are overlooking. And, we all know the same sort of stuff happens, as well, when the genders are reversed.

However...(and it's not a BIG however to me. I just thought you might be interested in getting the facts straight.) 
You're making an incorrect assumption when you use the term sex drive. I'm guessing you've heard, or read, that testosterone levels peak, then begin to taper off during the teenage years. And because you assume that male sex drive equates with known testosterone levels in males within given age groupings, sex drive tapers off too. Did you know that while testosterone levels do decline slowly after age 18 or so, the amount is unnoticeable? The reduction in testosterone isnât generally measurable until age 30. According to the Mayo Clinic, by age 30, a manâs testosterone levels are decreasing by about 1 percent a year. 

But, here's the thing. Testosterone levels, are a measurable _physiological_ quantity. While male sex drive is _not_ physiological. It's _psychological_. Yes, testosterone plays a part in maintaining sex drive. But, by making them essentially interchangeable, you're assuming the testosterone level plays a much greater role than it does. At least, as far as men in the age group you're referring to. 

Bear with me here. I believe that the raging hormones which play such a large part in the physiological development that occurs during our teenage years, likely _do_ have an effect on our psychological outlook during _that_ time. But, by and large, for most of us males of the species, the psychological growth and maturity we undergo during our twenties and thirties moderates that uncontrollable physical urge to purge, lol. And the pleasure we get from sex, then, is derived as much, if not more, from things like anticipation, the knowledge that our partner is pleased, the happiness and excitement we feel during mental foreplay, etc., than it is from the actual physical climax. In short, our sex drive; not testosterone.

I don't know about anyone else. But, it would be a lot easier for me to find that pleasure if I already had the comfort of shared life experiences, common interests, and trust.


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

I'm 42 and I haven't missed a beat since I was 16. But, I exercise frequently (which I've read actually *increases* testosterone... so that might play a role 

Still, one huge difference now than when I was younger is I'm far more selective of who I'm looking for. When I was in my late teens I probably would have wanted whomever was interested. Now, I'm far more selective (which is why it's friends first).

I agree with Sustainabilly - my desires, while just as high, are tempered by the fact that "what I do has consequences", even if it's only the prospect of hurting myself or someone else.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Same here WW in all aspects u mentioned


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## Warwalk (May 25, 2011)

@ Laura z10
I agree with what you're saying about how it can be so difficult to find a good guy, but they're definitely out there.

Sometimes tho (ducking for cover just in case)... Females can be their own worst enemy. I'll use the words of a really good lifelong female friend as an example. She's an ex sorority girl, ex flight attendant. She says she only wants two things from a guy - "over six feet, and over six figures". And she has never had anything but problems, as she winds up with one player after another. 

Now, I'm definitely not saying it's true of all, but I think it's far more true than some care to admit. Tall guys (over 6') only represent 15% of the population. Six figure earners are the same. But my friend keeps going after the 15% tall guys, keeps getting burned, and then blames the other 85% right along with them. 

If a guy put up a post that specified "girls over xx pounds need not apply", that guy would be a total jerk. If he mentioned a certain cup size, he'd be an even *bigger* jerk. But almost one female post in five on online sites requests a 6' minimum... and they ain't jokin'.
It makes it tough for us shorties lol.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

That's why I find this whole ritual repulsive.

The guy I was talking about in the other thread was a little taller than me, so let's say 5;8-5'-10.
Hands had a good amount of callouses......um super sexy to me. lol
Face was 'a little' weathered (age, smile lines, sunshine) and that tells me the man knows how to live.
Weight? 170-180? ish that would have been my guess.
Good lookin' Harley he rode in on.
NOT a poser.......he's legit.

Chatted up another guy when I first got here......
6'4; 250lbs of solid muscle, skin was a flawless milk chocolate....
Big deep voice.......
6 figures, at least. (found that out after chatting for a while)
Married.
Having issues w/ his adult child that we talked about......
He didn't have one callous. 
HOWEVER he was 8 layers of sexy w/o them!!!

Yeah, there are things I find more attractive than others (rough hands, snake skin boots and a southern draw.........oy vey, that could buy me a lot of trouble lol)

BUT
I just find so much of this shallow.
Especially old men and old women, dating those 1/2 their age.
Come on........there is no intellectual match, maturity match, life experience or goals match......zip.


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