# How the heck do people date nowdays?



## Fictionprison (Sep 24, 2020)

I have been separated from my wife for more than a year now, and we finally agreed to divorce. She has a number of mental illnesses, and I tried to stick around and be there for her, but she is just too far gone now. Her bipolar disorder is out of control, even on meds. To be honest, my life was a living hell for the last year and I actually felt a bit of relief when she asked me to divorce her. Maybe I am old fashioned but I believe one should do whatever it takes to make a marriage work and stand by their wife even through the worst of times. But that is hard to do when she doesn't want to stand next to me...

So now that we have agreed to part ways amicably, I find myself wondering how the heck do I start over? I have been married the majority of my life so haven't been involved in the dating scene for a long time. I am not a young man any longer and finding a woman that shares my same dreams seems difficult. We had plans to start a homestead and live a more simple stress free life and be self-sufficient. Now that she is out of the picture, I still want to pursue that dream. My retirement is coming in a few months, and I am not even sure how to meet another woman. I am not looking to date anyone just yet, I am not interested in doing that until my divorce is final. Just a matter of principle. 

But I like to plan ahead and if anyone can offer advice, I would be very appreciative. It doesn't look like these single boards are very active, and I am really unsure of internet dating sites. I am not a sociable person, I don't get out much since I am an introvert, so meeting new people is not my strong point. And besides, I have yet to meet anyone that shares my interests in homesteading. When I mention picking wild mushrooms or being self-sufficient, I get looked at like I am an odd-ball. Maybe I am an odd-ball. Surely there is an odd-ball woman out there for me. Just not bipolar odd-ball, I had my fill of that.


----------



## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Many single folks who live in my area do like soldiers have done when stationed in a new stateside base and attend the local church service and activities to meet other singles.


----------



## Fictionprison (Sep 24, 2020)

But that involves being around a bunch of people and socializing! I was hoping that my dream girl would just show up at my door one day without me having to go looking. But I guess this is reality and it doesn't work that way. Man, I am already getting stressed out and apprehensive about looking and I am not even looking yet.


----------



## robin416 (Dec 29, 2019)

Don't look. Work on a friendship with another guy that can drag you out with him on outings. You can check out senior centers without really being a part of the center. Talk to people in the fresh produce or pet food aisles. 

I met my husband when he came to my house to fix something I messed up. He's gone now but that chance meeting at a time that I was enjoying my singleness was serendipity.


----------



## Redlands Okie (Nov 28, 2017)

I think its kind of like fishing. Tired, hot, and ready to call it a day. Just one more toss over in that very unlikely spot before you go......Then it gets interesting and hard to hold on to the reel. 



Unfortunately no useful idea from this corner.


----------



## 101pigs (Sep 18, 2018)

Fictionprison said:


> I have been separated from my wife for more than a year now, and we finally agreed to divorce. She has a number of mental illnesses, and I tried to stick around and be there for her, but she is just too far gone now. Her bipolar disorder is out of control, even on meds. To be honest, my life was a living hell for the last year and I actually felt a bit of relief when she asked me to divorce her. Maybe I am old fashioned but I believe one should do whatever it takes to make a marriage work and stand by their wife even through the worst of times. But that is hard to do when she doesn't want to stand next to me...
> 
> So now that we have agreed to part ways amicably, I find myself wondering how the heck do I start over? I have been married the majority of my life so haven't been involved in the dating scene for a long time. I am not a young man any longer and finding a woman that shares my same dreams seems difficult. We had plans to start a homestead and live a more simple stress free life and be self-sufficient. Now that she is out of the picture, I still want to pursue that dream. My retirement is coming in a few months, and I am not even sure how to meet another woman. I am not looking to date anyone just yet, I am not interested in doing that until my divorce is final. Just a matter of principle.
> 
> But I like to plan ahead and if anyone can offer advice, I would be very appreciative. It doesn't look like these single boards are very active, and I am really unsure of internet dating sites. I am not a sociable person, I don't get out much since I am an introvert, so meeting new people is not my strong point. And besides, I have yet to meet anyone that shares my interests in homesteading. When I mention picking wild mushrooms or being self-sufficient, I get looked at like I am an odd-ball. Maybe I am an odd-ball. Surely there is an odd-ball woman out there for me. Just not bipolar odd-ball, I had my fill of that.


Number one. Wait until you have your Place where you will be living. A lot of city women will say Oh i love to live in the country. After they get married they will want you to sell and move into the city. When you move to your new place in the country start doing the things you enjoy doing. Hunting, Fishing, Raising Pigs etc. When you are settled then you can start looking for a lady. Church, Dance, Movies, travel, etc. Do what you enjoy most. Pick a lady that likes to do what you do. 
When i first started looking when young my wife said i love to fish and she would go fishing with me all the time. After we were married no more fishing for her. She said i hate fishing  Anyway she loved to travel and visit her kinfolks and movies. So it did work out after the 1st child came there was no way but to stay married.  She was a school teacher till we got married. I talked her into staying home and taking care of the kids we had and to do the housework and cooking. She did not know how to cook so i helped with that until she learned to be a very good cook. After all the kids were grown and in college she went back to teaching at the college. Worked out great. 
If you just want to stay home and not go anywhere thats ok also. There are a lot of women that prefer staying home most of the time. Going on-line is not a good way to find a mate.


----------



## Wyobuckaroo (Dec 30, 2011)

Going on-line is not a good way to find a mate. 

+++
Maybe not for most people.. Coincidentally, Sweetie and I were known to one another from another homesteading forum for 10 years or so while we were both single again. We started communicating about some common interests and it progressed from there.. ..

Never say never, but it is wise to be EXTRA cautious..


----------



## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Since you've apparently been married for a long time...don't try to find someone. First find _yourself_, know what you alone like because that has changed over the years. You've had people sharing your life. Go it yourself for a bit, let yourself develop into what YOU like. May take a few weeks, months, or years, but it's worth it.

And to cheer yourself up, remember...the older you get, the more single women will be vying for your attention!

Mon


----------



## Mars Hill Homeschool (Jun 9, 2020)

frogmammy said:


> Since you've apparently been married for a long time...don't try to find someone. First find _yourself_, know what you alone like because that has changed over the years. You've had people sharing your life. Go it yourself for a bit, let yourself develop into what YOU like. May take a few weeks, months, or years, but it's worth it.


Yep. I am learning this, myself. I spent so many years trying to fashion myself into what my ex wanted me to be that I completely lost sight of who _I_ am! It takes a while to learn how to like yourself in your own skin.



frogmammy said:


> And to cheer yourself up, remember...the older you get, the more single women will be vying for your attention!
> 
> Mon


----------



## Mars Hill Homeschool (Jun 9, 2020)

But in all honesty, I am right there with you. The whole concept of "dating" is downright scary.


----------



## kinderfeld (Jan 29, 2006)

Fictionprison said:


> But that involves being around a bunch of people and socializing! I was hoping that my dream girl would just show up at my door one day without me having to go looking.


Mail order brides! If you have the money, you pretty much have your pick of the lot.


----------



## Wolf mom (Mar 8, 2005)

Those in the know say "no" to dating for at least one year....You need to know your new self, to become comfortable with yourself and become self reliant.
To even entertain the thought of dating, right after a divorce, even after a long separation, smacks of being needy. Do you really need someone to complete yourself?


----------



## Fictionprison (Sep 24, 2020)

I do get it. Being that I have been married for most of my life and suddenly found myself alone for the past year, I guess I am feeling needy. That's why I asked for advice and I am glad I did. From what I have read, from more than one person, I need to work on me first. I will go ahead with my plans and do my own thing and not worry about having a woman in my life right now. Thank you everyone for your input.


----------



## GTX63 (Dec 13, 2016)

Something else you might consider, even when older folks are looking more for companionship than romance; ignoring divorce rates for a moment, young couples tend to blend easier as they don't have the history and the experiences, nor the knowledge yet. Once both males and females have hit their 30s, they have a routine and habits established. They know more about their likes and their dislikes.
If a single or widowed person understands that going in, it can lessen some of the frustration with trying to a suitable partner and identifying those who might not be ready or willing for a caring, sharing partnership.


----------



## robin416 (Dec 29, 2019)

What everyone said about taking time for you is spot on. I was single for 20 years before I met my second husband. Even refused to marry him for five years until I was certain I could give up my autonomy. We got 30 years together in the end. Heck, you might find you'd rather keep your independence in the end. I know I will be. 

I was in the garage working on something listening to the radio when an advertisement came on about a sort of shindig thing. That is another decent way to meet people, going to the different events that happen. Whether it's farm day or pioneer day or arts day. They are so much more laid back and strangers start talking to strangers just because.


----------



## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Fictionprison,

The main thing about attending a church or just talking with friends you would normally visit in person in the real world is to let them know you are now available but not desperarate and avoid internet dating sites or "mail order brides" because if you do possibly find a interested woman, you could possibly get a date with a gal with a handle bar mustache expecting you to pay the cost of mustache wax. LOL

The best way to pursue a date is to simply socialize as best you can while as others have said , as you do your thing and get your lifestyle together.

If along the way a dating opportunity presents itself take a chance.

If a dating potential presents itself and you notice an Adam's Apple, keep in mind that over the past few years gender identification and attitudes have changed and in many cases become more ambiguous and you will have to consider that and how it fits your preferences .

The one thing I learned is that when dating , my best dates seemed to show up when those in my pack knew I was available and steered me towards some when I wasn't actually actively hunting for a date.

When 35 years after my first GF's parents split us up and my parents liked the split and pushed me to my college years and career, she heard from one of my friends who lived beside her after she had moved back to the area here where we grew up after her third marriage ended that after two marriages, I was single again also and she called me.

We have been dating ever since and I have my little place here in the country and she has her folks old place in the town 8 miles away and we are one of the "two homes / one relationship sector" and it works for us.

Sometimes she spends the night here and sometimes I spend the night at her place and sometimes we spend a few hours together before one of us goes home and we both care for our dogs in our own homes and private space.

Like I said, when she called me I wasn't looking and when we started dating again, she wasn't interested in marriage and with both of our attitudes, although both of us nearing our 60s, our senior years steady dating suits us both.

As has been said, find yourself but also let those you know you are available and see what comes along. Most of all keep yourself safe in this now topsy turvy world we find ourselves in.


----------



## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

hardware store! i found one there about 3 weeks ago. not much you can do though right now . staying 6ft apart and a face mask. ~Georgia


----------



## RJ2019 (Aug 27, 2019)

Fictionprison said:


> I have been separated from my wife for more than a year now, and we finally agreed to divorce. She has a number of mental illnesses, and I tried to stick around and be there for her, but she is just too far gone now. Her bipolar disorder is out of control, even on meds. To be honest, my life was a living hell for the last year and I actually felt a bit of relief when she asked me to divorce her. Maybe I am old fashioned but I believe one should do whatever it takes to make a marriage work and stand by their wife even through the worst of times. But that is hard to do when she doesn't want to stand next to me...
> 
> So now that we have agreed to part ways amicably, I find myself wondering how the heck do I start over? I have been married the majority of my life so haven't been involved in the dating scene for a long time. I am not a young man any longer and finding a woman that shares my same dreams seems difficult. We had plans to start a homestead and live a more simple stress free life and be self-sufficient. Now that she is out of the picture, I still want to pursue that dream. My retirement is coming in a few months, and I am not even sure how to meet another woman. I am not looking to date anyone just yet, I am not interested in doing that until my divorce is final. Just a matter of principle.
> 
> But I like to plan ahead and if anyone can offer advice, I would be very appreciative. It doesn't look like these single boards are very active, and I am really unsure of internet dating sites. I am not a sociable person, I don't get out much since I am an introvert, so meeting new people is not my strong point. And besides, I have yet to meet anyone that shares my interests in homesteading. When I mention picking wild mushrooms or being self-sufficient, I get looked at like I am an odd-ball. Maybe I am an odd-ball. Surely there is an odd-ball woman out there for me. Just not bipolar odd-ball, I had my fill of that.


You had me at "I pick mushrooms". LOL!!

Seriously. I don't know. I think the youngsters do some kind of internet dating websites. I'm steadfastly against the idea so I just kind of try to not worry about it. Been divorced for 6 years and haven't really found anything I would consider worthwhile yet.


----------



## RJ2019 (Aug 27, 2019)

newfieannie said:


> hardware store! i found one there about 3 weeks ago. not much you can do though right now . staying 6ft apart and a face mask. ~Georgia


Are you going to tell us all about him or what?


----------



## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

not much to tell right now . we were all standing in line keeping our distance but once a newfoundlander opens their mouth another one knows immediately even with a mask.

we had lots to talk about. he gave me his no. and i gave him mine when we found out we were both single. he has a bubble and i have a bubble but not the same bubble. ns is the most strict province i believe. we have no cases now as far as i know ~Georgia


----------



## Elevenpoint (Nov 17, 2009)

I'm going with the you have your place I have mine.
Not interested in 24/7
I like my pups hiking fishing hunting etc
Not permission.
I'll do my thing you do yours
We can do X amount together but no keeping tabs on me what I'm doing with who or when or wherever
I'll return the favor


----------



## ceresone (Oct 7, 2005)

It would be nice to have someone to talk to, once in a while.especially with quarenteen hanging on! The farm gets lonely, but I sure dontvwant a husband


----------



## Esteban29304 (Apr 29, 2003)

I have done very well with online dating. The pay services are better because they keep out the " riff-raff." I have dated women in the 2 areas I have lived, that I met online. You do have to be cautious, but you have to be with anyone you meet, today. There may be some disappointments, but there are in any dating. Some of the women I dated did not work out, but we are still friends ! I have been going with the same woman I met online, for 17 years. We both agree to not be interested in marriage. She has her place & I have mine, 30 miles away. I encouraged a shy widower to join a dating service 3 years ago. He was the most negative person about online dating, I have ever heard. He & his lady-friend he met online are very much in love & have been dating for over 2 years.


----------



## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I dont know your age, but I can tell you, at 72, with the luck ive had, BY AND LARge WITH WOMEN, AND AFTER 49YRS ME AND cHERYL HAD FINALLY FILED AWAY OUR GRUDGES AND GOUGES, and lived in harmony monstly apart, that I WONT look for another woman for a keeper. I wouldnt mind running into one at the sale for conversation, even several at different months, but as for trying to put on the harness again and hoping for a together pull, Im done with that.


----------



## CKelly78z (Jul 16, 2017)

I would get settled in your new life, and start following your homesteading dream without even trying to attract a mate, otherwise, you will tend to look desperate. Once your life is in order, your whole persona/aura will be more pleasing, and calm.


----------



## Macrocarpus (Jan 30, 2018)

LOL; I want to agree with those who say to give yourself some time. Death or divorce, give it at least a year. As to "sources", all I've seen mentioned will work, but I disagree with those who say "nothing on line". I dated women on Plenty "O Fish, found most of them sensible even if inot suitable. Then I read a piece by a psychologist who said the best candidates for older men were widows from good marriages. Found one ten years ago and she turned out to be one hell of a lot better than I had hoped. 
Be careful of distances---if either of you are too far from family you lose contact. Remember too that you marry the entire package---you cannot ignore your kids nor she hers. Fair is fair in marriage as in sports. Then too, advice to OLD men is the same as for YOUNG men: YOU KEEPS 'EM THE SAME WAY YOU CATCHES 'EM.


----------



## Fictionprison (Sep 24, 2020)

I appreciate all the advice, it seems I came to the right place. I do want to clear up that I am not desperate, just lonely, and there is a difference. I just wasn't sure how to go about getting back out there, if I even want to try at this point in my life. I do know what I want to do with my future and I have big plans. It may or may not work out like I planned, but I will just adjust fire and make a new plan. One thing I learned in the military is "flexicution" or being flexible and executing a new plan if the original plan doesn't work out. My plans do not currently include a woman in my life and I am looking forward to a new chapter in being alone. I know everything will work out in the end and if someone comes along, great, if not, no big deal.


----------



## Fictionprison (Sep 24, 2020)

Normally I am a very private person and it took me a bit to realize why I even started this thread. I suffer from low testosterone (common in men my age) and started this thread the day before my next bi-weekly shot. I think I was having a bit of a low emotional moment. I have since took my shot and feel much better. A friend told me that my testosterone was so low I was practically a woman. I had to laugh at that comment. He too suffers from low testosterone, so he knew what I was going through. So just wanted to explain why my tone was so sappy and emotional at the time. Hormone imbalance really sucks. Any other men out there have this same issue? How does it affect you?


----------



## robin416 (Dec 29, 2019)

Fictionprison said:


> Normally I am a very private person and it took me a bit to realize why I even started this thread. I suffer from low testosterone (common in men my age) and started this thread the day before my next bi-weekly shot. I think I was having a bit of a low emotional moment. I have since took my shot and feel much better. A friend told me that my testosterone was so low I was practically a woman. I had to laugh at that comment. He too suffers from low testosterone, so he knew what I was going through. So just wanted to explain why my tone was so sappy and emotional at the time. Hormone imbalance really sucks. Any other men out there have this same issue? How does it affect you?


Well, we now know you understand how hormone imbalance can wreak havoc on a woman's mental wellbeing.


----------



## Alice In TX/MO (May 10, 2002)

I have a good friend who has to take hormone suppression shots to prevent a return of prostate cancer. He has frequent hot flashes.


----------



## vickinell (Oct 10, 2003)

Newfieannie, what's a bubble?


----------



## Redlands Okie (Nov 28, 2017)

robin416 said:


> Well, we now know you understand how hormone imbalance can wreak havoc on a woman's mental wellbeing.


I thought the imbalance problem was genetic.


----------



## geo in mi (Nov 14, 2008)

I had a very good work friend (lady) tell me when I retired: "Now you just beware of any grey haired grandma that show up at your door carrying a casserole."

I bought a couple of one month only subscriptions for oldies' websites--and she was right.

😳

I have contacted one who wants a travel companion, pen pal, friend. I'll see how it goes. I won't be going to any movies, ballrooms, or restaurants, or airplanes for now anyway--not until I get vaccinated. Pen pal, friend is all I can/will do for now.

geo


----------



## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

vickinell said:


> Newfieannie, what's a bubble?


sorry Vickie i was offline for 3 days and didn't see this. dont you guys have bubbles? just means we can only have a certain amt of people that we can have around us. i'm not sure how many. last i heard it was 10. stiff fines being handed out if we go above that. 

masks are also mandatory and social distancing. might be more today. i haven't been listening. i only have 2 in mine. my son and myself. ~Georgia


----------



## RJ2019 (Aug 27, 2019)

newfieannie said:


> sorry Vickie i was offline for 3 days and didn't see this. dont you guys have bubbles? just means we can only have a certain amt of people that we can have around us. i'm not sure how many. last i heard it was 10. stiff fines being handed out if we go above that.
> 
> masks are also mandatory and social distancing. might be more today. i haven't been listening. i only have 2 in mine. my son and myself. ~Georgia


Bubbles, that is interesting! Can you elaborate a little more? Do any bubbles overlap as far as person to person contact?

What we have here might be similar or it might be way different. In my state we aren't supposed to have gatherings of more than 10 people, or something like that. The rules change so often I dont keep up anymore. I know at one point it was gatherings of over 10 people were not allowed. The 'bubbles' overlap a lot here which makes it kind of ineffective.


----------



## TedH71 (Jan 19, 2003)

Fictionprison said:


> Normally I am a very private person and it took me a bit to realize why I even started this thread. I suffer from low testosterone (common in men my age) and started this thread the day before my next bi-weekly shot. I think I was having a bit of a low emotional moment. I have since took my shot and feel much better. A friend told me that my testosterone was so low I was practically a woman. I had to laugh at that comment. He too suffers from low testosterone, so he knew what I was going through. So just wanted to explain why my tone was so sappy and emotional at the time. Hormone imbalance really sucks. Any other men out there have this same issue? How does it affect you?


I probably have it but my wife and my doctor don't see the need for me to get any hormonal therapy. I currently have high blood pressure and high cholesterol and I'm on meds for that. I suspect that is the cause of some of my health issues. I also have gout issues. I have no idea what to look for in low testosterone.


----------



## TedH71 (Jan 19, 2003)

In any case, I met my wife on Myspace then we moved to Facebook. We ended up meeting maybe 4 months after that and history was made. Been married for 14 years and have 2 kids.


----------



## Macrocarpus (Jan 30, 2018)

FictionPrison; I would enter a word here not addressed in my first post. Consider age---. No young woman needs a man so much older than she that he becomes a burden. Find one near your own age.


----------



## arachyd (Feb 1, 2009)

This can be a very scary thing to face. I agree with all those who say to take some time for yourself. Go ahead and start the homestead you've looked forward to. There are habits, likes and dislikes that are already part of you and getting involved in a romance tends to blur that and we find ourselves sacrificing some of what we enjoy only to find it wasn't worth it. Enjoy foraging for mushrooms and all the things you love. Believe me, after a while on your own when someone questions anything dear to you it will send up red flags and you won't hesitate to "friend zone" the person. I once discussed hunting with a person I dated for a short time. I talked about loving the woods, nature and being able to put healthy food on the table for my children. His reply was to put an arm around me and say, "Well, maybe you won't have to do that anymore" in his most manly "I can provide all you need" tone. Needless to say he did not get another date and I had no hesitation in my decision. He wasn't my cup of tea. Had I dated him a few years earlier I might have compromised and then regretted it ever after. Figure you out and don't compromise on the things that are important to your happiness. It's ok to compromise on little things that may take a bit of effort but won't diminish your enjoyment of life.


----------



## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

OMG! don't you just hate that? "why ever would you want to be out there digging and what not day and night when you have a beautiful home and every thing you need"? 

why don't you just grass it all over or better yet get a condo and start the easy life. i almost threw up on that one! i had a condo and the "easy life" buddy and almost ended up in a straight jacket!

as far as i'm concerned this is the easy life. it's still only 6am and here i am just waiting for daylight so i can get out there and plant 200 bulbs for next spring. then i'm heading for the country and clean out my sheds etc. ~Georgia


----------



## GTX63 (Dec 13, 2016)

Good for you newfieannie!
I'm in the office working. I woke up early and am doing paperwork until the sun stands up and says "Feed the critters."
Then I have a roof to put on a shed.
It will be a beautiful blue sky day in the high 60s. Why would I want to spend it on the couch or in a shopping mall?
I'll have pigs nudging my legs, chickens pecking my tools and two dogs laying outside the pen waiting for me to finish; even if it takes all day.

Regarding the OP- I have found dating to be difficult and complicated, especially for the last 22 years come February 14th.


----------



## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

I have gone beyond the point of compromise, I think. Got a plaque on the mantel, says,"Mi casa es Mi casa". When I think of getting into a relationship, I think about the ones I have been in, and, that is all it takes. Would like one, not willing to lose what I have managed to keep.


----------



## Macrocarpus (Jan 30, 2018)

LOL; This threat makes relationships seem so complicated. They are NOT COMPLICATED. If you want a mate, COMPROMISE and be prepared to make changes. If you are a man remember that a woman must by nature give more than she gets out of a man-woman relationship, so be prepared to let her have her way so long as it does not bankrupt you or damage the family. You are only the protector and provider--SHE makes the family what it is. Remember that and your woman will follow you around like a puppy.


----------



## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

in your dreams these days Chuck and i've never felt the need to follow any man around like a puppy and you better not let Barb see that. ~Georgia


----------



## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

whiterock said:


> I have gone beyond the point of compromise, I think. Got a plaque on the mantel, says,"Mi casa es Mi casa". When I think of getting into a relationship, I think about the ones I have been in, and, that is all it takes. Would like one, not willing to lose what I have managed to keep.


Proper thing Ed! i have known several men when my church would help at the food bank who lost everything they had due to a bad relationship. started drinking and went downhill from there. ended up on the street.

you don't think of it happening to a lawyer. but it happens in all walks of life. he eventually committed suicide. she's living it up in a condo in Panama City Beach!. ~Georgia


----------



## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

A man I grew up with has been in contact with me recently. He was feeling sorry for himself. A lawyer, divorced 3 times. Major hit in the money department. He had broken a leg and wanted someone to cry to. I told him he should have both legs broken at the same time, find out he has chronic leukemia at the same time, have his GF leave him in a wheelchair. Develop lymphoma. All this after a heart attack, bypasses to the legs, losing home to fire, a divorce, forced retirement and myriad other things. Made him feel a lot better. He couldn't understand how I was HAPPY. The Lord just blessed me. What he took away, he replaced. One form or another.


----------



## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

my god i'll never understand some women. to leave a man in a wheelchair or when they get cancer or when they get ED or lots of other things. i've heard it all. not to brag but i nursed 2 and a friend right to the end and there was nothing in the way of nursing that i didn't do. 

yes i did leave one because he was so controlling but as soon as i found out he was sick back i went and took care of him. yes i'm likely stupid that way but i did it anyway. and i sleep well. ~Georgia


----------



## Macrocarpus (Jan 30, 2018)

L:OL, Georgia, you girls just don't like to admit it but there are men who CAN keep a woman around for life. All the while the woman thinks she has a male love-slave. In the meantime the man gets a home, sll the sex he can stand, three meals a day, a nurse when he is sick, children (and in-laws) and someone to take messages when he is out. 

All the man has to do is work like a dog to provide for his wife and children, make sure that they don't starve if he is killed or dies, think of some soft and sweet words a couple of times a day and three ti0mes on Sunday, be kind and friendly to, or at least tolerate, his in-laws, and do as his wife says---WITHIN LIMITS. Not al all hard for men with hair on their chests. The problems arise when the man fails to do his part. 

Of course one must choose a decent woman---psychos, gold-diggers, the flagrantly amoral must be avoided. (Most men can tolerate a teensy bit of amorality before marriage)


----------



## CKelly78z (Jul 16, 2017)

My parents are celebrating 60 years of marriage next week, and set a good example for my brother, and I. He has been married for 37 years, and my wife, and I for 32 years...happy for most of them even with many health issues.


----------



## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

My parents were married 60 years when Dad died. My divorce was final 28 days after my 32nd anniversary.


----------



## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

my parents had many years also. i had over 40 myself and would still be with him if he had lived. actually i guess you could say he is still with me since he's in my bedroom in a can. ~Georgia


----------



## Macrocarpus (Jan 30, 2018)

47 years, 5 mos and 21 days , then ten years going on eleven with this one. A lot of water under those bridges. LOL, Georgia; we have Barb's husband in a valise in a closet--he goes with us when we go.


----------



## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

Oh my stars Chuck! i didn't notice your last post on this thread. someone else like myself. i don't take him around where ever i go though. that's a bit much! but i brought him from the country to the condo and then here to this place. that's where he's staying.

i usually don't talk about it. people look at ya funny. if i remember correctly it was the queen of Castile Joanna who use to travel everywhere with her husbands coffin and most thought she was mad. ~Georgia


----------



## Macrocarpus (Jan 30, 2018)

NO, GEORGIA----HE DOES NOT TRAVEL WTH US------I MEANT THAT HE WILL BE BURIED WITH US. LOL, HE WOULD LAUGH AT THE THOUGHT OF GOING TO TEXAS AND BACK---HE WAS WITH THE UN, WORLD HEALTH, AND TRAVELED AROU0ND THE WORLD.


----------



## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

Going on a first date is such an agonizing experience for me I gave it up a few years ago. Got tired of feeling like the hunk of meat in the big cat enclosure at the zoo. 

Did decide to be a little snarky with one gentleman who was laying it on thick with a single-minded goal.

Told him I don't believe in pre-marital sex.

Only time I didn't insist about going dutch. He paid and was out of there in 15 minutes.


----------



## Kiamichi Kid (Apr 9, 2009)

newfieannie said:


> my god i'll never understand some women. to leave a man in a wheelchair or when they get cancer or when they get ED or lots of other things. i've heard it all. not to brag but i nursed 2 and a friend right to the end and there was nothing in the way of nursing that i didn't do.
> 
> yes i did leave one because he was so controlling but as soon as i found out he was sick back i went and took care of him. yes i'm likely stupid that way but i did it anyway. and i sleep well. ~Georgia


Early December will be 18 years since I divorced my Ex due to her infidelity. I was heartbroken and have remained single until this day. I have dated a few times and even thought I had a chance at having a relationship,but things just weren’t meant to be.
Last week I learned that my Ex is in a nursing home just a stone’s throw from where we had lived together. She’s been a resident there for at least three years as I have been told.
She has been an insulin dependent diabetic for many years. I myself have carried her in my arms into the Emergency Room not knowing if she would live or die.
The person that she cheated on me with and later married knew of her diabetes. 
As the disease progressed she required dialysis and later a kidney transplant. She eventually also had a stroke. 
The individual she married threw her out into the street as if she was yesterday’s trash. I will never be able to understand how someone could treat their spouse in such a manner.

My heart is breaking all over again..


----------



## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

sosrry KK


----------



## vickinell (Oct 10, 2003)

Kid,,,,, , ,
I am iso sorry you are going through this. ting

My iPad is actiiiiweird


----------



## Macrocarpus (Jan 30, 2018)

Kid--put it behind you and move on. People make choices, and sometimes those choices hurt other people. You have fine sons to be proud of and I suspect they would like to see you happy.

I carried a torch for years- She married for money, died alone and childless. I was routed around a disaster area. There are millions of GOOD women out there and it is nature's way for them to want to make a home with a man just as a man supports and defends his family. Pick one of rthem and make it work for both of you. Living alone is the pits---been there, done that.


----------



## andiplus8 (Nov 6, 2009)

I realize most of these posts are from 2 months ago, but I'm throwing in on the subject anyway.
I got divorced in 2019. I left in March and scooted on into the wilds of the Missouri Ozarks to get away from ALL men for a time. Well wouldn't ya know it? A single man lived down the road! Being what my young adult children call "thirsty", he and I began a friendship that turned into a relationship. Come to find out being needy is a horrible way to find a partner and a mate. Turns out he was married. The wife was back up North. They were separated..... yada yada yada....tale as old as time.
I gave up my cabin and land to go in on a bigger piece of land with him so we could blend our homesteads. He supposedly gave up his place as well. About 4 months in, I get hurt at work. I had the full time pay for everything job and he had a handyman job. So he realizes he's gonna have to get a real job to pay for everything I was paying for. 2 1/2 months later I find out several things.....1. he's got another woman or two. 2. he hasn't been paying the land payment cuz it was in my name. and 3. he never gave up his place, just let me think he did.
So now I'm sitting in a travel trailer in the West Texas heat trying to start all over again. I'll be 51 next month so I've got time, but I haven't even looked cross eyed at a man in months and months. I run into men at the grocery store, the hardware store, walmart (when I absolutely have to go there) and the truck stop gas stations. There are more men here than I can shake a stick at! Oilfield and all... I did meet a man that I thought I might go out with and gave him my number. But then I remember what it was like last time and thought twice. He calls and texts me, but he's getting no milk out of this cow.
Moral of this long and probably boring story is Don't pick the first one outta the gate! Live your life and in the living if you come across one that's living the same way and is HONEST, give friendship a chance. Friends are great about helping out and being there for ya. They also like to pick mushrooms, if you meet the right friend!
Once you know you can be friends, work well together, and pick mushrooms, then maybe you can take it on inside and see if it translates to something else. Otherwise, just be happy being single. There's no one around to tell you what to do, when to do it, or how to do it. It's absolutely liberating! (although now I'm at a point where I would probably give someone a shot at friendship. I could use some help pounding these T posts!) LOL


----------



## andiplus8 (Nov 6, 2009)

whiterock said:


> I have gone beyond the point of compromise, I think. Got a plaque on the mantel, says,"Mi casa es Mi casa". When I think of getting into a relationship, I think about the ones I have been in, and, that is all it takes. Would like one, not willing to lose what I have managed to keep.


LOL I just have to laugh because this is EXACTLY what I do! Someone asks me out and I think, "hey, maybe......"
Then that still, soft voice whispers, "remember when.......?" And I'm like oh yeah, never mind....😂


----------



## RJ2019 (Aug 27, 2019)

andiplus8 said:


> I realize most of these posts are from 2 months ago, but I'm throwing in on the subject anyway.
> I got divorced in 2019. I left in March and scooted on into the wilds of the Missouri Ozarks to get away from ALL men for a time. Well wouldn't ya know it? A single man lived down the road! Being what my young adult children call "thirsty", he and I began a friendship that turned into a relationship. Come to find out being needy is a horrible way to find a partner and a mate. Turns out he was married. The wife was back up North. They were separated..... yada yada yada....tale as old as time.
> I gave up my cabin and land to go in on a bigger piece of land with him so we could blend our homesteads. He supposedly gave up his place as well. About 4 months in, I get hurt at work. I had the full time pay for everything job and he had a handyman job. So he realizes he's gonna have to get a real job to pay for everything I was paying for. 2 1/2 months later I find out several things.....1. he's got another woman or two. 2. he hasn't been paying the land payment cuz it was in my name. and 3. he never gave up his place, just let me think he did.
> So now I'm sitting in a travel trailer in the West Texas heat trying to start all over again. I'll be 51 next month so I've got time, but I haven't even looked cross eyed at a man in months and months. I run into men at the grocery store, the hardware store, walmart (when I absolutely have to go there) and the truck stop gas stations. There are more men here than I can shake a stick at! Oilfield and all... I did meet a man that I thought I might go out with and gave him my number. But then I remember what it was like last time and thought twice. He calls and texts me, but he's getting no milk out of this cow.
> ...


You know.... not so very long ago I had an interesting experience with a guy I was interested in. He isn't really local but doesn't live all that far away. Like totally in driving/day trip distance. He asked me, and I started kinda seeing him for awhile. Anyway... he never wanted me coming to his house, or meeting his kids, never was into sharing his personal life with me, it was kind of strange. I gave him the benefit of the doubt for about a year, but I just couldn't get past the red flags there. Few months back I caught him in a lie over something completely stupid that shouldn't have mattered and decided then and there he had used up all of his benefit of the doubt. I don't know what he was hiding, and I don't care, but I didn't want anything to do with a weird situation like that. 

Thank you for sharing your story with us, and for reaffirming for me that I made the right decision to forget about that guy.


----------



## andiplus8 (Nov 6, 2009)

At least you were smart. Mine was throwing up all kinds of red flags and I charged right at 'em like a bull at a bullfight! LOL
I may be a hard learner, but I wont make that particular mistake again.
Good for you though. If they lie about the little things...well you never know what else they're hiding. And always, always, always trust your gut!


----------



## RJ2019 (Aug 27, 2019)

andiplus8 said:


> At least you were smart. Mine was throwing up all kinds of red flags and I charged right at 'em like a bull at a bullfight! LOL
> I may be a hard learner, but I wont make that particular mistake again.
> Good for you though. If they lie about the little things...well you never know what else they're hiding. And always, always, always trust your gut!


I really feel like he was hiding something and it was a feeling I couldn't shake. I don't think I would have ever been able to truly trust the guy if it came down to it. Granted, I probably wouldn't be able to trust most other people anyway.

I'm grateful you got out of your situation before it became any worse, though!


----------



## andiplus8 (Nov 6, 2009)

I've been burned so many times I cant count. It's hard to find a way to trust again, especially these days. But I've learned 2 very important things. 1.Trust your gut (which you did so well done!) And 2.Dont get bitter.
Just because I made the mistake of picking every loser that came my way doesnt mean there weren't some good ones I didnt even notice....lol
I do love hearing from women and men who trusted their instincts and either got out or went all the way in. Have never heard of it turning out bad either way when they did!


----------



## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

at least you have a good attitude about it all. some people would give up altogether .you'll do fine. my first husband told me not to ever give up my land. at least i would always have that to come back to and i still have it.

i've never lost out though . in my travels with men i've only acquired more.(that doesn't sound quite right but you know what i mean) i've been lucky that way. my friends not so much. i lost a good friend to suicide for practically the same as happened to you. all the best, ~Georgia


----------



## andiplus8 (Nov 6, 2009)

newfieannie said:


> at least you have a good attitude about it all. some people would give up altogether .you'll do fine. my first husband told me not to ever give up my land. at least i would always have that to come back to and i still have it.
> 
> i've never lost out though . in my travels with men i've only acquired more.(that doesn't sound quite right but you know what i mean) i've been lucky that way. my friends not so much. i lost a good friend to suicide for practically the same as happened to you. all the best, ~Georgia


Georgia,
I'm so sorry about your friend. That makes my heart sad.
I guess I've never given up because I have my daughter. My 4 sons are grown and gone, but my daughter is high functioning special needs. She'll always be with me and really has no where else to go. She's kept me going.
And she has physically saved my life not once, but twice when an ex got extremely violent. 
If I didnt know any better, I'd think she was my guardian angel.


----------



## vickinell (Oct 10, 2003)

I have a widow lady friend at church that started meeting a man friend for lunch at a halfway location. They live 90 miles apart and neither like to drive at night. One of her friends she was visiting with at a wedding introduced them. They talk on the phone for hours several times a week. Well he had a friend that was going to direct him to her home and she invited me to go and have brunch with them.

Now we are planning our third lunch date. We have so much fun talking and enjoying a meal together. My friend is around 75 and her man friend is 86. I am 71 and my man friend is 75. Because of the holidays and covid we don't meet that often but it gives us something to look forward to. We also text and talk on the phone.


----------



## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

so happy for you Vicki! hope everything works out well. ~Georgia


----------



## andiplus8 (Nov 6, 2009)

vickinell said:


> I have a widow lady friend at church that started meeting a man friend for lunch at a halfway location. They live 90 miles apart and neither like to drive at night. One of her friends she was visiting with at a wedding introduced them. They talk on the phone for hours several times a week. Well he had a friend that was going to direct him to her home and she invited me to go and have brunch with them.
> 
> Now we are planning our third lunch date. We have so much fun talking and enjoying a meal together. My friend is around 75 and her man friend is 86. I am 71 and my man friend is 75. Because of the holidays and covid we don't meet that often but it gives us something to look forward to. We also text and talk on the phone.


That's great! And sounds like a lot of fun!


----------



## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Posted 12/7/20 12:15 AM CST

The longest distance dating I did was a distance of about 750 miles with a woman who was our prime contractor contact . When we took it to the next level, when she came to my plant, she stayed at my apartment and when I had to go to her plant, I stayed at her apartment . For the most part of 2 to 3 years we were both at one or the other facility together but working on multiple contracts with only one that we were both assigned to. As we weren't together all the time at work and home so it worked.

Sometimes she flew on her employer's dime as we moved back and forth and sometimes she rode with me as I always drove to have my own truck and preferred driving for 12 hours instead of the hassles of flying commercial.

It worked until I was sent on a 15 month out of country on site support TDY and she said it was too long for her to wait for me to be rotated home.


----------

