# Musings 1 - Find a Partner



## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

For those you who are single, find a partner before you get old. I am at the point I can't physically keep up with all the routine maintenance and have any time left for other things. The deer, rabbits, and the weather all ganged up on me. 

Every time we get strong winds, I have to pick up about 50 tree branches, mostly small, before I can cut the grass. I can work standing up pretty good, but all that bending over to pick up branches wears me out. Last week's storm took down 2 tree size branches I need cut up before I can haul them off. Then new fencing for the garden to try to keep the deer and rabbits out. Hardly any rain this spring so daily watering of the garden. I need to put new gutter guards up before fall when the leaves start coming down. And I have another thread about trying to fix the landscaping on the hill from constantly being overrun with weeds.

I have uncompleted projects everywhere I look. Some of you may remember I tried to sell my house last year and at the last minute the contract fell through. I knew I couldn't keep up with the property any longer which was one reason for selling. Now with the economy the way it is, I think I'm stuck here. 

Things happen and we sure didn't see the pandemic coming followed by inflation and a likely recession. I had my priorities wrong and I'm offering my situation as a cautionary tale. Make sure you have your priorities right.


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## painterswife (Jun 7, 2004)

Sounds like you are recommending slave. You only mentioned the work aspects, not the love and companionship.


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## muleskinner2 (Oct 7, 2007)

MoonRiver said:


> For those you who are single, find a partner before you get old


I agree, find a partner. Who is younger. With money. And a bass boat.


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## painterswife (Jun 7, 2004)

A partner can just as easily become more work than help. You are better off making enough money to pay someone to do those chores and only look for a partner for love.


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## Hiro (Feb 14, 2016)

MoonRiver said:


> For those you who are single, find a partner before you get old. I am at the point I can't physically keep up with all the routine maintenance and have any time left for other things. The deer, rabbits, and the weather all ganged up on me.
> 
> Every time we get strong winds, I have to pick up about 50 tree branches, mostly small, before I can cut the grass. I can work standing up pretty good, but all that bending over to pick up branches wears me out. Last week's storm took down 2 tree size branches I need cut up before I can haul them off. Then new fencing for the garden to try to keep the deer and rabbits out. Hardly any rain this spring so daily watering of the garden. I need to put new gutter guards up before fall when the leaves start coming down. And I have another thread about trying to fix the landscaping on the hill from constantly being overrun with weeds.
> 
> ...


I am lucky enough to be married to the sweetest girl in the world. 

I still have uncompleted projects and always will.

It is better to have uncompleted projects with a partner, imho.

You are still kicking and may find a partner. 

My best advice, which is worth what you paid for it, is to find a partner you love and loves you rather than someone to help you pick up branches that look just fine where they are. 

Carry on.


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## Cornhusker (Mar 20, 2003)

I'd like a partner who loves me and one I can trust and depend on.
I'd like a partner with similar goals in life.
Someone who would accept my family and treat them as her own.
I'd like a partner who didn't need booze to get through the day.
If she had a boat, that would be nice too, but not a deal breaker.


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## link30240 (Aug 22, 2021)

painterswife said:


> Sounds like you are recommending slave. You only mentioned the work aspects, not the love and companionship.


You're always so negative


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## painterswife (Jun 7, 2004)

link30240 said:


> You're always so negative


So do you think recommending getting finding a partner when you are young just so you have someone to help with the chores is a positive?

I have just lived 5 months with my "partner" being unable to contribute to anything more than making himself a coffee. I also had to care for his 89 year old father. I did not know if he would ever be able tick things off on the chore list. Let me tell you it got pretty bleak there for a while when I did not know if there was going to be a light at the end of the tunnel and it was only for 5 months. Love is what got me through it.

Imagine if you only had a partner to get things done for you. Really bad situation.


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## GTX63 (Dec 13, 2016)

Everyone has their own idea of what works for them, and there are plenty out there who fit the bill.
Nothing wrong with a mate for keeping the homestead going. Practical over romance is what many of our ancestors were, and likely thankful for it. In fact, love came later.
The definition of love between two people is fluid, and If you can find someone who shares your interests in getting the work done, then good for you.


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## link30240 (Aug 22, 2021)

painterswife said:


> So do you think recommending getting finding a partner when you are young just so you have someone to help with the chores is a positive?
> 
> Imagine if you only had a partner to get things done for you. Really bad situation.


No where in Moonrivers post said or implied the only reason to look for a partner was only to share the labor. Normal people would look at the post as a moment of reflection , and normal people would offer encouragement or simply keep your negative opinion to yourself and move on. The majority of your posts are negative condescending and overly opinionated. 

We all go through tough times, and nothing wrong with venting about ones thoughts or regrets. 

Try offering some encouragement sometime, It might make you feel better about your own life. If you cant there is nothing wrong with holding your tongue.


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## Evons hubby (Oct 3, 2005)

painterswife said:


> So do you think recommending getting finding a partner when you are young just so you have someone to help with the chores is a positive?
> 
> I have just lived 5 months with my "partner" being unable to contribute to anything more than making himself a coffee. I also had to care for his 89 year old father. I did not know if he would ever be able tick things off on the chore list. Let me tell you it got pretty bleak there for a while when I did not know if there was going to be a light at the end of the tunnel and it was only for 5 months. Love is what got me through it.
> 
> Imagine if you only had a partner to get things done for you. Really bad situation.


Imagine not being able to fix a cup of coffee and not having a partner. I’m so very grateful to have my Yvonne.


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## robin416 (Dec 29, 2019)

I was in the same situation as @painterswife except mine lasted for two years. Luckily I had been single for most of my life so I knew how to do things on my own. The challenge was doing them and keeping him as healthy as possible during that time. He lost the battle and now I'm on my own. Where I'll remain. 

Even in my 70's I still do. Actually I'm doing more than before since I'm redoing my kitchen and clearing more of my land. I have the tools I need to help me with the work I do. Will I ever have everything done? Not a chance. But it's the doing that is keeping me in good physical shape.


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## painterswife (Jun 7, 2004)

robin416 said:


> I was in the same situation as @painterswife except mine lasted for two years. Luckily I had been single for most of my life so I knew how to do things on my own. The challenge was doing them and keeping him as healthy as possible during that time. He lost the battle and now I'm on my own. Where I'll remain.
> 
> Even in my 70's I still do. Actually I'm doing more than before since I'm redoing my kitchen and clearing more of my land. I have the tools I need to help me with the work I do. Will I ever have everything done? Not a chance. But it's the doing that is keeping me in good physical shape.


Love is what makes it bearable and rewarding even when difficult. As you illustrated it does not mean that person will be someone there that can help carry the load when you need it..


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## painterswife (Jun 7, 2004)

Evons hubby said:


> Imagine not being able to fix a cup of coffee and not having a partner. I’m so very grateful to have my Yvonne.


I did everything for myself for the first 40 years of my life. I treasure the help and love I have had for the last close to 25. I know how wonderful that is. You know how bad it would be if that person did not love you and decided the work involved was not what they wished to continue with. You are very lucky to have Yvonne. She is a treasure.


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## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

painterswife said:


> Sounds like you are recommending slave. You only mentioned the work aspects, not the love and companionship.


And maybe English isn't your primary language because it doesn't seem you understand it.


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## painterswife (Jun 7, 2004)

MoonRiver said:


> And maybe English isn't your primary language because it doesn't seem you understand it.


I understood perfectly. All you talked about was what a partner could do to make your life easier. You could pay someone to do that just as easy. Backhanded insults don't bolster your post.


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## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

What I meant to say, if it wasn't obvious, is I had other priorities that were more important to me than having a wife. Since I was 19, I have suffered from fatigue that can be overwhelming at times. I had to choose between getting married or pursuing a career, I didn't have enough energy for both. If I was to relive my 30s and 40s, I would make the same decisions again. I did the right thing for that age.

People who have this kind of fatigue understand what I mean. When you get up in the morning, you plan your day by allocating your energy to things you need to do. It's like you have $10 to spend that day and that's it. How will you spend the $10 because when it's gone, you are done for the day?

But I didn't want the post to be specifically about me, but a life lesson I have learned I thought might be helpful to other singles who are starting to get up in years. At some point in the last 20 years, my priorities should have changed. Instead of buying a house and land that takes all my time and energy, I should have used my time and energy to find someone to share my life with.

What I had hoped others might get from my post was to reflect on their situation and see if they have their priorities straight. Maybe what you wanted 10 years ago is no longer what you want now. Take a step back and be sure you are moving in the direction that will be the most fulfilling for you.


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## painterswife (Jun 7, 2004)

That post is far more informative.


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## link30240 (Aug 22, 2021)

painterswife said:


> I understood perfectly. All you talked about was what a partner could do to make your life easier. You could pay someone to do that just as easy. Backhanded insults don't bolster your post.


Do yourself a favor, Go read Hiro and Cornhuskers post's above then re-read yours. You will clearly the difference between a supporting post and how insulting your post can be perceived.


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## painterswife (Jun 7, 2004)

link30240 said:


> Do yourself a favor, Go read Hiro and Cornhuskers post's above then re-read yours. You will clearly the difference between a supporting post and how insulting your post can be perceived.


You are free to ignore me. My post said what I wanted it to and made my point well. Getting chores done is not a good basis for a relationship unless it is a paid one.


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## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

painterswife said:


> I understood perfectly. All you talked about was what a partner could do to make your life easier. You could pay someone to do that just as easy. Backhanded insults don't bolster your post.


No, you don't understand. You are interpreting what I wrote based on your past.

I never said a single word about what I expected of a partner. I never said I wanted someone to help me with the work. I never said I wanted someone to do the cooking and cleaning. These are all things you made up in your head.

I was reflecting on a life that has led to being overwhelmed with the day-to-day grind of maintaining my property with no time and energy left over to socialize, meet people, have a relationship, to find a partner.


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## painterswife (Jun 7, 2004)

MoonRiver said:


> No, you don't understand. You are interpreting what I wrote based on your past.
> 
> I never said a single word about what I expected of a partner. I never said I wanted someone to help me with the work. I never said I wanted someone to do the cooking and cleaning. These are all things you made up in your head.
> 
> I was reflecting on a life that has led to being overwhelmed with the day-to-day grind of maintaining my property with no time and energy left over to socialize, meet people, have a relationship, to find a partner.


All you said was having a partner would help with the chores. Your subsequent post explained what you really meant. I understood fine.


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## GTX63 (Dec 13, 2016)

MoonRiver said:


> What I meant to say, if it wasn't obvious, is I had other priorities that were more important to me than having a wife. Since I was 19, I have suffered from fatigue that can be overwhelming at times. I had to choose between getting married or pursuing a career, I didn't have enough energy for both. If I was to relive my 30s and 40s, I would make the same decisions again. I did the right thing for that age.
> 
> People who have this kind of fatigue understand what I mean. When you get up in the morning, you plan your day by allocating your energy to things you need to do. It's like you have $10 to spend that day and that's it. How will you spend the $10 because when it's gone, you are done for the day?


Someone close to me has endured the same thing for most of their life, and your $10 bill analogy is spot on. They wake up and they have x amount of time and x amount of energy. While their spouse can work until they have no more time, they have to ration each thru the day. Pacing and breaks are important.
They plan their day via list, and if something unexpected comes up, they may or may not have the energy to get it done, regardless of size.


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## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

painterswife said:


> All you said was having a partner would help with the chores. Your subsequent post explained what you really meant. I understood fine.


No, I didn't. The only mention of a partner was "For those you who are single, find a partner before you get old." Everything else you filled in based on your past.


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## painterswife (Jun 7, 2004)

MoonRiver said:


> No, I didn't. The only mention of a partner was "For those you who are single, find a partner before you get old." Everything else you filled in based on your past.


You posted nothing more than you thought people should have a partner to help with the workload. I just did not assume you meant more than you posted.


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## GTX63 (Dec 13, 2016)

FGS, I just reread Moons post. Do you have to start on the guy this early? There is nothing offensive in his OP, and even if there was, people are free to find love that suits them, right? 98% of his post dealt with his struggle to get work on his property done, and you want to make it about judging what you think his idea of a relationship is.
I can sympathize with people who are miserable in their lives, but not so much the ones who can't seem to keep from spitting their own misery onto others.


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## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

GTX63 said:


> Someone close to me has endured the same thing for most of their life, and your $10 bill analogy is spot on. They wake up and they have x amount of time and x amount of energy. While their spouse can work until they have no more time, they have to ration each thru the day. Pacing and breaks are important.
> They plan their day via list, and if something unexpected comes up, they may or may not have the energy to get it done, regardless of size.


Exactly, that's why I mentioned the deer, rabbits, and storm knocking down tree limbs. Somehow I have to find the energy to get those things taken care of. They will get done, it just throws me off track for a few days.


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## GTX63 (Dec 13, 2016)

I have been with them over a weekend and watched them as they would make a list out for ie Monday, Tuesday. It was as you said, like planning for a grocery run with a tight budget.
I don't believe it is anything treatable; it is simply getting older in the body faster than in the mind.


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## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

GTX63 said:


> I have been with them over a weekend and watched them as they would make a list out for ie Monday, Tuesday. It was as you said, like planning for a grocery run with a tight budget.
> I don't believe it is anything treatable; it is simply getting older in the body faster than in the mind.


As I understand it, food eventually gets broken down to electrons that are used by the mitochondria to make energy. Somewhere in this long chain of processes, there is a problem resulting in an energy deficit. The body has to keep vital organs functioning so they get the first shot at the energy. 

Other ways of getting electrons into the body like being exposed to sunlight (photons) and grounding by walking barefoot or getting your hands into the earth (gardening) can help some. I do much better in the summer and try to get sun exposure several hours a day.


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## starrynights (Oct 7, 2021)

MoonRiver said:


> As I understand it, food eventually gets broken down to electrons that are used by the mitochondria to make energy. Somewhere in this long chain of processes, there is a problem resulting in an energy deficit. The body has to keep vital organs functioning so they get the first shot at the energy.
> 
> Other ways of getting electrons into the body like being exposed to sunlight (photons) and grounding by walking barefoot or getting your hands into the earth (gardening) can help some. I do much better in the summer and try to get sun exposure several hours a day.


Recently someone pm'ed me and wanted to chat and said he would like to know more about me. So I answered him, his questions and told him a bit about myself including my bad back which removes any ability to do outside chores...I was totally honest with him, that I also would like a partner to share the days and nights with. I guess honesty is not what he wanted because he never even acknowledged my answer to his pm. So here I sit.


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## link30240 (Aug 22, 2021)

starrynights said:


> Recently someone pm'ed me and wanted to chat and said he would like to know more about me. So I answered him, his questions and told him a bit about myself including my bad back which removes any ability to do outside chores...I was totally honest with him, that I also would like a partner to share the days and nights with. I guess honesty is not what he wanted because he never even acknowledged my answer to his pm. So here I sit.


Your "right" person is out there. dont give up hope and never quit trying


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

MoonRiver said:


> People who have this kind of fatigue understand what I mean. When you get up in the morning, you plan your day by allocating your energy to things you need to do. It's like you have $10 to spend that day and that's it. How will you spend the $10 because when it's gone, you are done for the day?


I most definitely understand this! This is imposed on me by the meds I take because of my transplant rather than something that is within my body. Kidney works great. The meds are beyond horrible. 
Extreme fatigue, shaking, ringing in the ears, etc. My normal condition is being wonder woman and doing ALL the things....and doing them now. It is incredibly difficult to take these pills twice a day knowing they are responsible for how terrible I feel all the time. I have a new Dr and working on swapping over to new medications so I have some hope. The energy level is getting better. 

The problem with the men I found when I was younger is I had no wisdom or really any knowledge to use when making that choice. My Daddy was a lousy judge of women so I came by it honestly 😁
Honestly if I were to marry again I would want a partner. I don't want a passionate knock you head over heels emotion-fest. Someone I could do projects with would be great. A friend would be my goal. Compatibility and the same goals would be crucial.
For example, I am good with money. Mostly I'm good at holding onto it and actively work on ways to spend less. My last husband was high maintenance 🙄 
I am ok alone and tremendously better off than being with someone that makes me miserable but I don't really enjoy being by myself. 
I sometimes wonder if we shouldn't consider non-romantic partnerships among more mature singles. Line out all the financials so nothing is misunderstood. Maybe even line out who cooks which night lol.
Maybe I should start something like an intentional community but in a big house with several people 🤔


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## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

TxMex said:


> I most definitely understand this! This is imposed on me by the meds I take because of my transplant rather than something that is within my body. Kidney works great. The meds are beyond horrible.
> Extreme fatigue, shaking, ringing in the ears, etc. My normal condition is being wonder woman and doing ALL the things....and doing them now. It is incredibly difficult to take these pills twice a day knowing they are responsible for how terrible I feel all the time. I have a new Dr and working on swapping over to new medications so I have some hope. The energy level is getting better.
> 
> The problem with the men I found when I was younger is I had no wisdom or really any knowledge to use when making that choice. My Daddy was a lousy judge of women so I came by it honestly 😁
> ...


If I had the money I would build a little community for senior singles and possibly couples. It would be small homes, 1 bedroom plus a garage that could be used for whatever. Small yards. Community area for gardening. A community center with a swimming pool. Probably a max of 12 units.


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## 67drake (May 6, 2020)

I was going to say I have my wife do the indoor chores, and I have my girlfriend do the yard work, but this thread got too serious, so I won’t suggest it.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

67drake said:


> I was going to say I have my wife do the indoor chores, and I have my girlfriend do the yard work, but this thread got too serious, so I won’t suggest it.


I wouldn't mind having 2 men. I talk to both of my exes pretty often so I've pretty much got the training. 😁
I'd want all of us working on things together unless we were needing some alone time. EVERYONE needs alone time.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

MoonRiver said:


> If I had the money I would build a little community for senior singles and possibly couples. It would be small homes, 1 bedroom plus a garage that could be used for whatever. Small yards. Community area for gardening. A community center with a swimming pool. Probably a max of 12 units.


I like this idea but economically speaking it would be better to build something like a well insulated and sound proofed apartment building. I would enjoy having meals with others and many hands make light work. So I'd do a bedroom, sitting room and bathroom for private space then have the rest of the building as common area. 
I almost bought a church to do this with. There are lots of really large buildings that are difficult to sell. Sometimes they have land with them. An older courtyard hotel maybe?
I think the word for this is commune lol. I'm trying to improve upon the invention of the wheel 😁


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## Max Overhead (Feb 22, 2021)

I've thought at times that we should make slavery great again. Every day there are one million possible projects and limited time (energy is not much of a problem for me). My mind keeps going back to the film "Multiplicity" and how useful a couple of clones living in the shed would be. A good man Friday would be a force multiplier and be provided food, shelter and companionship.
Back before supermarkets were widespread, if you didn't grow it you didn't eat it, and so large families were necessary to the division of labor. I agree with a previous comment that alliances were made in the past for practical reasons, not feelings, which came later if at all. The Hollywood romance is only possible or halfway realistic in a world of supermarkets and fiat currency. Personally, I'm as stubborn as my father and impossible to live with. I wouldn't get a marriage license, send my children to public schools or allow them to be given shots. Toys would not be given, but tools to make them would. Rich men have told me that their success in life hinged on compromise. Personally I'd rather be poor and content. 
A commune would never work, but a community of sharecroppers could work on enough good land. Thinking about the original poster's predicament, I'm still not afraid to be alone in my old age. My buddy Ray is about 80, lives alone, has a van (with hay in the back which he can sleep in) and a single wide. His neighbor lets him run electricity from an extension cord and he collects rainwater to do his washing. His heat is a little propane cooker. He is handling himself fine and is a wealth of knowledge, but a person who didn't know him would think he was in dire straits. I've read about a blissful bodhisattva living in a shack, with the screen door hanging by one hinge, possessing a single pot for his rice and a single cup for his tea. He has one friend. His yard is overgrown. In past especially cold winters the ceiling boards were burned for heat. And yet his contentment is beyond all bounds. I think that our expectations in life have been warped beyond recognition by our Western civilization, which is doing to us what it did to the Native Americans. The man whose style of life is not dictated by neighbors, relations or customs is an original and we need plenty more of him.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

This topic is like kicking a dead horse that has 9 lives. It keeps coming back for more lol


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## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

TxMex said:


> I like this idea but economically speaking it would be better to build something like a well insulated and sound proofed apartment building. I would enjoy having meals with others and many hands make light work. So I'd do a bedroom, sitting room and bathroom for private space then have the rest of the building as common area.
> I almost bought a church to do this with. There are lots of really large buildings that are difficult to sell. Sometimes they have land with them. An older courtyard hotel maybe?
> I think the word for this is commune lol. I'm trying to improve upon the invention of the wheel 😁


I had thought about doing it in a big, old southern home. The biggest problem I was concerned with was privacy and security. I am also concerned if it is too communal, as people get older and less able to do things for themselves, others might feel pressured to provide free services to them. There is a fine line between helping out a friend and feeling obligated too.

My idea for the small individual homes is you would buy your home and pay a monthly fee for the use of the common grounds. The community center would have a kitchen and entertainment room so those so inclined could share meals there, watch TV/movies, play cards, etc.


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## starrynights (Oct 7, 2021)

MoonRiver said:


> I had thought about doing it in a big, old southern home. The biggest problem I was concerned with was privacy and security. I am also concerned if it is too communal, as people get older and less able to do things for themselves, others might feel pressured to provide free services to them. There is a fine line between helping out a friend and feeling obligated too.
> 
> My idea for the small individual homes is you would buy your home and pay a monthly fee for the use of the common grounds. The community center would have a kitchen and entertainment room so those so inclined could share meals there, watch TV/movies, play cards, etc.


I live that way now. It's called a community and it has HOAs...every month. It also has nasty people in your face. And it works marginally. I am still trying to find something better. I like the idea of tiny house commune where you have personal property and may rent or buy a unit.


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## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

starrynights said:


> I live that way now. It's called a community and it has HOAs...every month. It also has nasty people in your face. And it works marginally. I am still trying to find something better. I like the idea of tiny house commune where you have personal property and may rent or buy a unit.


I don't like HOAs either, but without the common grounds and center, it's just a bunch of houses. I have been trying to figure out how to create a community so older singles don't feel so isolated, but still maintain their independence and privacy. Someplace where it is easy to socialize if you choose to, but also where it is not forced on you. And most importantly, where it doesn't cost $400K for the house and another $300/month HOA fee.

If you could find 10 or 12 interesting people to join, it could be a very stimulating place to live.


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## starrynights (Oct 7, 2021)

MoonRiver said:


> If I had the money I would build a little community for senior singles and possibly couples. It would be small homes, 1 bedroom plus a garage that could be used for whatever. Small yards. Community area for gardening. A community center with a swimming pool. Probably a max of 12 units.





MoonRiver said:


> I don't like HOAs either, but without the common grounds and center, it's just a bunch of houses. I have been trying to figure out how to create a community so older singles don't feel so isolated, but still maintain their independence and privacy. Someplace where it is easy to socialize if you choose to, but also where it is not forced on you. And most importantly, where it doesn't cost $400K for the house and another $300/month HOA fee.
> 
> If you could find 10 or 12 interesting people to join, it could be a very stimulating place to live.


Well I'm in if you do it...but I found a place in Montana today. A 12 home community with new 700 sq ft homes...tiny homes. they are really nice, just north of a few towns I am familiar with. Dr., meds, food and all that 8-10 miles away. These are rent only and that is perfect for me...rent is just right....600-800 and nobody around. I am going to try to C&P a photo so ya'll can see. If not I'll post the website. I hope to hear back tomorrow but I am going tp pursue these because this is how I want to live.


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## starrynights (Oct 7, 2021)

starrynights said:


> Well I'm in if you do it...but I found a place in Montana today. A 12 home community with new 700 sq ft homes...tiny homes. they are really nice, just north of a few towns I am familiar with. Dr., meds, food and all that 8-10 miles away. These are rent only and that is perfect for me...rent is just right....600-800 and nobody around. I am going to try to C&P a photo so ya'll can see. If not I'll post the website. I hope to hear back tomorrow but I am going tp pursue these because this is how I want to live.





starrynights said:


> Well I'm in if you do it...but I found a place in Montana today. A 12 home community with new 700 sq ft homes...tiny homes. they are really nice, just north of a few towns I am familiar with. Dr., meds, food and all that 8-10 miles away. These are rent only and that is perfect for me...rent is just right....600-800 and nobody around. I am going to try to C&P a photo so ya'll can see. If not I'll post the website. I hope to hear back tomorrow but I am going tp pursue these because this is how I want to live.


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

starrynights said:


> Well I'm in if you do it...but I found a place in Montana today. A 12 home community with new 700 sq ft homes...tiny homes. they are really nice, just north of a few towns I am familiar with. Dr., meds, food and all that 8-10 miles away. These are rent only and that is perfect for me...rent is just right....600-800 and nobody around. I am going to try to C&P a photo so ya'll can see. If not I'll post the website. I hope to hear back tomorrow but I am going tp pursue these because this is how I want to live.


Will your son be moving with you if this place works out?

I hope you find something better than where you are now.


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## starrynights (Oct 7, 2021)

Danaus29 said:


> Will your son be moving with you if this place works out?
> 
> I hope you find something better than where you are now.


Unfortunately my son will not be going with me if I go to Montana again. He likes it here and so I will go on my own. I also found another place in MT today and owned a house there in the early 2000's. So we'll see.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

This has turned into a fun mental exercise on all of the ways this could be set up.
Ok so I'm going to use the big church I looked at buying a couple of years ago. It was huge and had a separate building for classrooms, big kitchen, etc. 
Very easily could have built 50 studio apartments into the buildings and still had a large communal kitchen and lots of shared space. 
The church was under $100,000. Let's say that the purchase price, doing the remodeling and acquiring 10-20 acres adjacent to this hypothetical church ends up costing $300,000. That works out to $6,000 per studio living space. Not bad!
So the thought I had earlier was to have people put money on deposit. For each apartment the person occupying the apartment would put $22,000 on deposit. So they would own their apartment. The Church commune would then place these deposits into an interest bearing account. If all apartments are occupied that would be a deposit of 1,100,000. Naturally we would be a not for profit 😁. So if a safe investment were made paying 6% annually (yes I can get better than this but this should be a safe average). That is $66,000 per year. Let's say the half those moneys go to paying off the initial investment. That's a 9 year pay off as long as there is no interest being charged and yes it should probably pay the original investors interest. 
So why would people be willing to pay $22,000 for a studio apartment? Because the co-op would buy it back from them if they decide to leave for $20,000 minus the cost of any make ready that was required to bring their apartment back up to new condition. So their stay there cost them $2,000 plus individual electric costs. That $2,000 goes into a permanent interest bearing account. 
The portion of the interest that isn't going towards paying back the original investment would be used to pay the bills on the communal portion of the building. At some point the permanent fund would be generating a decent amount of money and that could be used for improvements like maybe fencing, covered carports, exercise equipment, hiring a cook(s) or housekeepers.
How great would that be?!! 

There could be a monthly payment option for those that don't have the money to deposit all at once. Now they would end up paying interest on it since their money isn't generating interest. Let's say they would pay $600 per month with $500 going towards their deposit until they are fully vested. 

This would keep expenses very low for residents and permit a very high quality of living. The numbers could be scaled up or down easily depending on the building and desired number of people. 
I think people would end up feeling resentful of paying rent to a central person when the idea is to have a community.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

starrynights said:


> Unfortunately my son will not be going with me if I go to Montana again. He likes it here and so I will go on my own. I also found another place in MT today and owned a house there in the early 2000's. So we'll see.


So where would you go in the winter?


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## starrynights (Oct 7, 2021)

TxMex said:


> So where would you go in the winter?


I would stay there. I have lived 15 miles from Canada while in Mt before. You just gotta be prepared for snow and storms. It gets down to -45 in the winter and there is the wind, oh---a plug in needs to be in your car...Unfortunately I will not be going to the tiny house place thing as it is very close to North Dakota and the Bakken. Counts me out....onward I go, got nuttin to lose.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

@starrynights is it sunny or overcast most days in the winters? I don't particularly like cold but I can put up with it. I absolutely cannot take not having sun! I am solar powered!! I get seasonal affect disorder sooooo bad. That's why I ended up spending winters in Mexico in the tropics 😎


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## geo in mi (Nov 14, 2008)

MoonRiver said:


> If I had the money I would build a little community for senior singles and possibly couples. It would be small homes, 1 bedroom plus a garage that could be used for whatever. Small yards. Community area for gardening. A community center with a swimming pool. Probably a max of 12 units.


They already exist. They're called independent living centers. You sign over all of your future estate to the nursing home next door, then as you age and become no longer "independent" they take the house and move you into a room with a window in the nursing home. Someone else gets your former house and the process starts all over again. For you, it's not bad while it lasts.

geo


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## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

geo in mi said:


> They already exist. They're called independent living centers. You sign over all of your future estate to the nursing home next door, then as you age and become no longer "independent" they take the house and move you into a room with a window in the nursing home. Someone else gets your former house and the process starts all over again. For you, it's not bad while it lasts.
> 
> geo


That's not anything close to what I have in mind. People would be free to buy and sell (probably with some restrictions) as they pleased. Probably have to require everyone have a will and living will or equal to purchase a home.


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## starrynights (Oct 7, 2021)

TxMex said:


> @starrynights is it sunny or overcast most days in the winters? I don't particularly like cold but I can put up with it. I absolutely cannot take not having sun! I am solar powered!! I get seasonal affect disorder sooooo bad. That's why I ended up spending winters in Mexico in the tropics 😎


I need the sun also and would not choose a place that didn't have it. Would love to live in the upper northwest but generally there are only 165 days of sun there a year.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

well i got money but i dont have a bass boat! heck i dont even have a dory! i'm not really into the water which is why i sold my condo on the coast. 

all kidding aside it's not the easiest trying to hold it all down ourselves although i have done it for years with 2 properties. the bending part is what i find hard also MR. what i do is kneel on a foam pad to do most of that stuff. i also have one of those grabbers.

sometimes i forget when i want to get stuff done in a hurry and bend anyway. then i suffer for a couple days . like when i was repairing my cement steps 2 days ago. i kept bending over too far. today i've been taking ibuprophen. it's not stopping me though . i'm waiting for the sun to dry off said steps so i can paint them. i'll just make sure to sit or kneel. it will just take a little longer but be safer

no trouble getting a man (yes i am old(er) but i'm not dead yet and i happen to like men) but like i've mentioned before the men i know want to travel and just lay around on a beach somewhere most of the time and there's nothing wrong with that but it's not for me. i tried it and all i could think about was how my gardens were coming along without me. couldn't get back home fast enough. ~Georgia


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## Clem (Apr 12, 2016)

My experience is that if you offer yourself up to become a slave, you'll find lots of takers. On the other hand, if you're honest, want someone who is willing to share in the costs qnd effort, along with the benefits, you'll be extremely unlikely to get much more than ridicule.

You may have a different opinion, or even different experiences. After all, I've only been around 71 years, but my experience, in particular the last 10 years, has hardened me to the point I'm not even inclined to have an open mind(or heart) any more.
And, of course, I'm aware, due to my past conversations with both partners, and potential partners, it was, is, and always will be completely and solely my fault.


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## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

newfieannie said:


> i also have one of those grabbers.


I just ordered one, actully 2 in one package. I have seen my neighbor use one to pick up trash in his yard but kept forgetting to order one. It would be a game-changer for me if I can pick up small tree branches with it. I have one huge tree that drops 20-30 branches every time we have a storm. Usually, I have to pick them up over 2 days to prevent hurting my back. 

I ordered a short and a long one.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

they do work. i'm glad you're getting some. i have 2 also. i keep one downstairs in the laundry room to take out clothes from the dryer instead of bending. ~Georgia


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## ofanevening (9 mo ago)

> Now with the economy the way it is, I think I'm stuck here.


I'm kind of confused. Do you mean you can't afford to buy someplace smaller? Because I would think you could sell your place easily, no? 

Me, I can't imagine having a partner unless and until I own a homestead. And even then, I disagree (I think) and think I would hate having a partner once I'm old. I don't want to fall apart around someone else. I'd rather be alone.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

not everybody when they get older falls apart. some of us enjoy a very active life. most of my family lived to be late 90's early 100's and were working at one thing and another. only one was ever in a nursing home. ~Georgia


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## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

ofanevening said:


> I'm kind of confused. Do you mean you can't afford to buy someplace smaller? Because I would think you could sell your place easily, no?
> 
> Me, I can't imagine having a partner unless and until I own a homestead. And even then, I disagree (I think) and think I would hate having a partner once I'm old. I don't want to fall apart around someone else. I'd rather be alone.


2 bedroom 1 bath on 3 acres. People that want a small house want a small lot and those that want a large lot want a large house. The market for my property is a small fraction of home buyers. When the market is hot I can get top dollar but in a slow market, I can't. People can buy a 4 bedroom 2 1/2 bath on a small lot for what they would pay for my 2 bedroom, so my buyer has to be someone that wants what I have. To the right person, the price I was asking was very reasonable.

I want a partner to talk to and do things with, not work the homestead.


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## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

Over a decade ago, I looked through some dating sites for a mate my age. It seems there is a reoccurring theme. She's broke and looking for someone to step in and support her. I've seen old guys accept a hot young chick, knowing it is a tradeoff of his money for her sexyness. But, by the time you are 60, 70, 80, and you have nothing to bring to the relationship but a smile, that doesn't make it. I've heard it bluntly put, "Ladies, you aren't sitting on a gold mine anymore." 
Wanting a partner so you can maintain the dream you've been striving for is unrealistic. As we age, alone or as a couple, the size and scope of projects must be reduced. It often happens faster than we recognize. I've taken a wheel off my truck, pried the tire off the rim with a pry bar and screwdriver the bead with a piece of rope and a stick, while sitting in the gravel driveway. Today, if I get a flat, I phone for that service. 
You can have a partner that you are deeply in love with. But we need to understand that we are all about three diaper changes away from being put in a nursing home.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

oh haypoint i refuse to think about that! i only hope if that time comes i'll be lucky enough to be aware of it in time so i can down every pill and whatnot i have saved up. you're probably right though. my sil is my age and she has been there for over 20 years. ~Georgia


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## Evons hubby (Oct 3, 2005)

haypoint said:


> You can have a partner that you are deeply in love with. But we need to understand that we are all about three diaper changes away from being put in a nursing home.


I’d hope a good partner would change a few more diapers than that before shuffling their mate into a nursing home. I know I would.


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## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

haypoint said:


> Over a decade ago, I looked through some dating sites for a mate my age. It seems there is a reoccurring theme. She's broke and looking for someone to step in and support her. I've seen old guys accept a hot young chick, knowing it is a tradeoff of his money for her sexyness. But, by the time you are 60, 70, 80, and you have nothing to bring to the relationship but a smile, that doesn't make it. I've heard it bluntly put, "Ladies, you aren't sitting on a gold mine anymore."
> Wanting a partner so you can maintain the dream you've been striving for is unrealistic. As we age, alone or as a couple, the size and scope of projects must be reduced. It often happens faster than we recognize. I've taken a wheel off my truck, pried the tire off the rim with a pry bar and screwdriver the bead with a piece of rope and a stick, while sitting in the gravel driveway. Today, if I get a flat, I phone for that service.
> You can have a partner that you are deeply in love with. But we need to understand that we are all about three diaper changes away from being put in a nursing home.


I'm with you on calling road service. I remember the last time I had to pull into a church parking lot to change a tire. 

I don't think you can make yourself fall in love with someone, but there is no reason, especially at an older age, we can't find someone whose company we enjoy and with whom we enjoy doing things. You don't have to be madly in love to enjoy a romantic dinner or a few days at the beach.


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## GTX63 (Dec 13, 2016)

MoonRiver said:


> I'm with you on calling road service. I remember the last time I had to pull into a church parking lot to change a tire.
> 
> I don't think you can make yourself fall in love with someone, but there is no reason, especially at an older age, we can't find someone whose company we enjoy and with whom we enjoy doing things. You don't have to be madly in love to enjoy a romantic dinner or a few days at the beach.


Isn't love a choice?

I am slowly migrating from doing all my own mechanical work, to bringing in the rims for new tires and taking them back home to put on the truck, to having the tires rotated while having the first oil change done on my vehicles for the first time in 40 years. It is a process the deals with both age and ego.


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## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

GTX63 said:


> Isn't love a choice?


Not for me. When I have fallen in love in the past, I had no choice.


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## GTX63 (Dec 13, 2016)

Oh Moon, you probably just ran your own thread off the rails, lol.


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## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

GTX63 said:


> Oh Moon, you probably just ran your own thread off the rails, lol.


I fall fast or I don't fall at all!


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

Evons hubby said:


> I’d hope a good partner would change a few more diapers than that before shuffling their mate into a nursing home. I know I would.


i did! countless times and none of them saw a nursing home either. ~Georgia


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## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

Evons hubby said:


> I’d hope a good partner would change a few more diapers than that before shuffling their mate into a nursing home. I know I would.


But at that point, what we hope has little to do with reality.


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## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

MoonRiver said:


> I'm with you on calling road service. I remember the last time I had to pull into a church parking lot to change a tire.
> 
> I don't think you can make yourself fall in love with someone, but there is no reason, especially at an older age, we can't find someone whose company we enjoy and with whom we enjoy doing things. You don't have to be madly in love to enjoy a romantic dinner or a few days at the beach.


Exactly. At an older age there's lots of things you should feel free to do. The time for "saving one's self for the special one" is long past.


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## starrynights (Oct 7, 2021)

newfieannie said:


> i did! countless times and none of them saw a nursing home either. ~Georgia


Same here. I took care of my mother at her home before she died. Then I took care of my ex's Grandmother at her home before she passed. And then when my MIL (ex's mother) became ill (at 59) she insisted she die on the sofa in our family room...so I took care of her for 3 months in our home before she died. They were all terminally ill and I would not have ever thought to agree to a nursing home for them. I was lucky---I had my nursing experience to make things a little easier. From my 40 +- yrs of medicine I have decided the best way for me to go is to fall asleep in bed with my big comforter around me.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

haypoint said:


> Over a decade ago, I looked through some dating sites for a mate my age. It seems there is a reoccurring theme. She's broke and looking for someone to step in and support her. I've seen old guys accept a hot young chick, knowing it is a tradeoff of his money for her sexyness. But, by the time you are 60, 70, 80, and you have nothing to bring to the relationship but a smile, that doesn't make it. I've heard it bluntly put, "Ladies, you aren't sitting on a gold mine anymore."
> Wanting a partner so you can maintain the dream you've been striving for is unrealistic. As we age, alone or as a couple, the size and scope of projects must be reduced. It often happens faster than we recognize. I've taken a wheel off my truck, pried the tire off the rim with a pry bar and screwdriver the bead with a piece of rope and a stick, while sitting in the gravel driveway. Today, if I get a flat, I phone for that service.
> You can have a partner that you are deeply in love with. But we need to understand that we are all about three diaper changes away from being put in a nursing home.


This goes both ways. I always end up supporting men financially. 
The ideal would be to both be in a similar financial position. Then agree what things will be paid jointly. I just turned 51. At my age people are pretty much set in the financial position they will be maintaining for the rest of their life barring an unusual event.


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

Clem said:


> And, of course, I'm aware, due to my past conversations with both partners, and potential partners, it was, is, and always will be completely and solely my fault


Of course it is, you're a man. Just kidding, sort of. Too many women refuse to believe they are damaged goods. Women who claim they have no flaws can never compromise enough to make a relationship work.


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## Browsercat (Aug 2, 2003)

Get a housemate and make helping out a condition of lower rent.


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## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

Browsercat said:


> Get a housemate and make helping out a condition of lower rent.


Why?


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## Evons hubby (Oct 3, 2005)

newfieannie said:


> i did! countless times and none of them saw a nursing home either. ~Georgia


And you are the crown jewel of the treasure chest!


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Someone told me once that in ANY relationship, there's always ONE person who loves more. Which do you want to be?

Just something to ponder on...

Mon


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## Max Overhead (Feb 22, 2021)

The ducks don't have any problem with it. Maybe we're overthinking. If you want to mate to make family it shouldn't be hard if you have discernment. There's Netflix and TicTok now, so many people aren't right in their heads and you wouldn't want them in your home. If Hollywood got in your head and you want lots of women then reality will bite you. If you want a "partner" that's full of pitfalls too, best to seek Jesus or find a Good Man Friday to help you in your tasks (and you his). We're not alone in this struggle, we just believe that we are, since all of our societal conditioning predicates fulfillment upon other people.


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