# Pain in your soul, no recourse...



## sidepasser (May 10, 2002)

I have been a very long time member here, since 97 and have seen people come and go.

I see pain here, I see people who are afraid to reach out, I see myself here. I am tired. I have been so tired, so very tired.

I want to tell those here, don't be afraid to take chances.. no matter how it ends, don't be afraid.

Willow Girl and Wild Thang, you have been most upfront and honest, both admirable qualities. I can always count on Willow to be just plain honest, Wild Thang I can count on to persevere no matter the odds.

Roadless - ---- girl, you have been through the wringer and come out the other side better for it. You go Gal, you are something else.

I applaud my friends - _Nick you know I love you,_ I can't do much for you since you are so far away, 

Ox - take care of your wife, she needs you.

FBB - I really don't know what to say to you..I think you want someone, but make sure that will never happen.

Shy - there are some good people out there, they are rare though and hard to find.

StarJ - love your mule, _more reliable than loving a person._

I am going on a walk about, I am so very tired. I hope all of you will take care of yourselves, not fight and bicker and that Fowler finds someone to take care of her and the sheep. Hankie not included.

I watch you folk, _I think about what you are and who you are_, and I find myself thinking that I should be one of you.

I am not, yet I am. You are all worthy, you are wonderful people. Yet so many are too afraid to reach out. Reaching out..yes, it is painful, yes it hurts, but there can be rewards.

Reach for each other, do not be afraid. LA - you are so cute in your pic, I don't know why one of these ladies hasn't picked you right up. I know I would if I could.

Take care folks, be considerate and kind with each other - we all have our battles, our trials and tribulations. I will miss all of you, every last one - _KK that means you too._ I hope you found your dreams.

Take care of yourselves, *reach out, be kind to each other.* May we meet again in a better life.

Sidepasser


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

dont be running off so fast...we need you here posting and yaking with us.


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

Sidepasser, (Love the name & a horse that knows how)!!

Are you Okay?

I look forward to your posts here and always consider you part of this group,

I'm Praying for you now,,,,, When I'm having difficulty with my Soul,,I search inside for my spirit or my share of the spirit,,,It's there I find real peace....

God Bless you Sidepasser,
L.A.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Sidepasser? R U OK?


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

*Psalm 30:5*

King James Version (KJV)

5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, *but joy cometh in the morning.*


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Don't leave us! Please? We need you!


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## Guest (Apr 30, 2014)

There's always recourse..always..
please post again..you sound so sad..you are very much loved...


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

Don't just close up shop and go away... Folks here for you to reach out to... And it doesn't have to be public...


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

Sidepasser reach out someone is there to grab onto you and won't let go. Reach out!


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## COSunflower (Dec 4, 2006)

You are a solid friend here!!! We NEED you!!!


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

Pm me if you want. Pm me if you don't want anyway.


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)




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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)




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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

Will check back in an hour.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

Sidepasser, you have said some very kind and thoughtful words. It sounds as if you are in need of reaching out to someone now though. Know that any and all of us are here for you. Please let us walk with you and help you through whatever it is you may be going through. Please...


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

Checking back.


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

Again and hoping you are well.


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

Hoping things are ok.


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## starjj (May 2, 2005)

Just leaving for work this morning and I wasn't going to sign on but something lead me to.

PM me please. I have always admired your words of wisdom. The mule is a good friend you are right BUT you need to reach out to friends tht can talk back.

I would like to think there are people I could reach out to so I want you to know you DO have people that care for you very deeply.


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## BetsyK in Mich (May 14, 2002)

If you must go, leave us with the plan in mind to return. But consider reaching out to the folks here who may be able to help. We've been here a long time, you and I, and I always read your posts and would miss your wise words and kind thoughts. Life throws us some nasty curves sometimes, friends can help. Good luck with what you're dealing with.


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

Never, never, never give up. My search has ended, I have found the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with, because I never gave up!

John


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

I wish I were closer.
I have said this before, and mean it every time I say it.
I don't know you from the man on the moon....but I assure you, that you matter.
I don't know what your are going through, but if I can help in any way, please let me know.
Praying for you right now...


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

Sorry that you are weary Sidepasser. If you do go walk about, take care and come back rested and content...and happy on top of that would be nice.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

Sidepasser, you say I'm honest to a fault, so I'm gonna be really honest here: It sounds like you are thinking about suicide.

And from this, I can tell that you are a Southern woman, because no Northern woman in her right mind would think about killing herself NOW, when spring is finally arriving, and she's not freezing her butt off anymore. ound:

(Did that make you smile a little bit? I hope so, that's what I was going for there.)

You say there is pain in your soul, and no recourse, but you're 50 percent wrong there -- there is ALWAYS recourse! If nothing else, there is Time, which does a pretty good job of, if not erasing memories entirely, making them tolerable at least. 

If nothing else, there is a _chance_ things will get better. If you kill yourself, you take away that chance. 

I tried it twice, when I was 14 and 19, and when I look back now on all the things I would have missed out on if I'd been successful, I'd like to go back in time and beyatch-slap that stupid girl who almost threw it all away!

I don't know the source of your pain, but I can tell you with 99.99% certainty that whatever it is, someone has walked down that same road and emerged victorious, and probably created a roadmap that will help you follow their path. There _is_ a solution. You just have to stick around in order to find it.

Reach out, keep reaching. There are a lot of people here who care about you. PM us. Hang on -- it gets better.


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

Sidepasser, not a sidestepper. Keep on the trail. Keep looking up and forward. There is good stuff ahead and more good people to meet on the trail. Dundee went on a walkabout too.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Willow...we were separated at birth.
I simply have to meet you.

Sidepasser..listen to her. She's dead on balls right.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

I think some of us knew deep down this was coming. I've been thinking about her for ages. I wonder though if we could have done anything. ~Georgia.


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

Still watching for anything you want to say.


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## Rick (May 10, 2002)

http://www.homesteadingtoday.com/co...2-posting-my-cousin-house-ten-acres-more.html

Here is a possible way to contact her family. 

Will someone call her cousin and try to leave message saying YOU have an emergency?

At the least the cousin would try to make contact. 

I will do it if one of you friends does not. 

I can counsel and comfort, but am way out of her loop. 

Please PM me if you make the call.


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## sidepasser (May 10, 2002)

I thank each and every one of you for your concern. I asked WR to remove this thread, but I think she may be busy.

I am going off for a while, no suicide in the plan - but at times it has seemed a good option except that burn in hell bit at the end. I never was too fond of fire and brimstone sounds worse.

I am in a great deal of emotional pain and overstressed at work and at home. I will be back when I get a handle on all of this and I, again, apologize for causing any worry.

I do feel a bit like Alice behind the looking glass. It is very difficult to find one's way when all ways appear to be closed. 

You know I love all of you..
Sidepasser

Please do not call my cousin - her daughter just lost her home and all possessions in the Bay Village tornado and she has more than enough to deal with right now.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

.... glad to learn suicide is not in the plan -- you gave everyone a scare! I hope you find what you need, truly.


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

SP You know we all just expelled a collective sigh of relief at your words about your plan. 

Reach out when you can. I hope spending time with an equine figures high up in that plan of yours. Remember....there's something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a (wo)man.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

sidepasser said:


> I thank each and every one of you for your concern. I asked WR to remove this thread, but I think she may be busy.
> 
> I am going off for a while, no suicide in the plan - but at times it has seemed a good option except that burn in hell bit at the end. I never was too fond of fire and brimstone sounds worse.
> 
> ...


You need a break! Everyone gets to that point a time or three! Take the time to be kind to yourself and come back.

I've always enjoyed your opinions and I hope to see you here again.


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## Rick (May 10, 2002)

So glad you came forward. 

If You need somebody to talk to other than your friends here, give Ann a call. You will enjoy speaking to her laid back self

I will PM our number.


I doubt you can leave where you are , but if I am wrong come stay with us back in the boonies (no electric or plumbing) for a spell. 

We do have an empty barn, and 75 acres. 

Prace, Love and Comfort to you.


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## AngieM2 (May 10, 2002)

sidepasser - I've pm'd you my phone number if I can do anything. Even just meet and me listen.

Be safe.


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

Prayer will be going out for you...


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## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

Thank you for stopping back in to relieve our worries. There are good, caring people here, don't hesitate to reach out to someone when you are ready. 
In the meantime, I'll be praying for your strength and clarity.


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## where I want to (Oct 28, 2008)

sidepasser said:


> I thank each and every one of you for your concern. I asked WR to remove this thread, but I think she may be busy.
> 
> I am going off for a while, no suicide in the plan - but at times it has seemed a good option except that burn in hell bit at the end. I never was too fond of fire and brimstone sounds worse.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your kindness to post this. Many people have been in that dark place and truly feel grief at the thought of another human being there too.

I was, I think, actually saved by a person who took the time to take me on hikes in this most beautful place I live now. There are places and beings that can act as a bridge for others to carry them over what looks impassable. 

I suppose that it is just prejudice that makes me think that a place like this of wild ocean meeting wild redwoods will heal anything but if you think it's worth a try, let me know.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

SP, thank you so very much for coming back. I've been concerned and praying since you posted. 

Know that you never have to go it alone. There is always someone that you can lean on. Reach out and let us hold you up. 

Hugs and prayers.


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

prayers for you SP.


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## homefire2007 (Sep 21, 2007)

Hang in there, sidepasser, it ain't over till the fat lady sings and I'm not planning on singing anytime soon. Sometimes, a person can be too strong for too long. I don't know what is happening in your life right now but see that you are in a terrible place of pain. Gosh, you've been here forever and I've always enjoyed, learned and valued your posts. It's okay to fall apart...cry, scream and wonder what the hay happened to the happy plans we had for our life. 

There are some pretty awesome folks who have posted here. You are valued and needed. I can only echo what others have said, you've got friends here who want to help in any way we can. Prayers going up for you, please keep in touch.


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

Don't ever do that again!

Now if you will excuse me ,,,uh,,
I need to change my pants.

Prayers 
L.A.


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## Guest (Apr 30, 2014)

Everyone else already posted what I have to say...

thinking of you...


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

Glad for your follow up. Radar did go off but I felt you were tough. Frequency change approved.


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## moldy (Mar 5, 2004)

SP - There is not much I can do for you, but to pray. Your kind words helped me greatly when I was going thru a rough patch. I haven't forgotten. You are an amazing person with such compassion for others, and it's easy to get burned out.

I will be praying and sending you good thoughts. May you see something today that reminds you how much you are truly cherished and loved.


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## starjj (May 2, 2005)

Lots of love to you. I was hoping for a PM. I thought of you several times today and shed tears of concern. Hey it ain't easy working with red eyes and running nose. I have been there and still dwell in the dark place almost daily so I know your struggle.


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## Vickie44 (Jul 27, 2010)

My thoughts are with you~ Vickie


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

I Hope and Pray for Positive Change for You*


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## COSunflower (Dec 4, 2006)

Prayers for you from me also SP!!!! God has His hand on you.


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## Litlbits (Jan 6, 2014)

Sidepasser I am fairly new to ST but I am reaching out to you with prayers. May God bless you and keep you in his loving arms. Take time to rest and regain your strength. I look forward to your return. Litlbits


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## summerdaze (Jun 11, 2009)

Oh man, am I relieved! Was nervous there for a bit. I hope you know from all these responses how highly you're thought of, how respected you are, and how much we value you and your words of wisdom here. I think we all consider you our friend, and hope that you consider us your friends too! There are many good people here to reach out to, so I hope you will, sweetie. 
Go, be good to yourself, get healed, and come back stronger, healthier, and happier. Many here will be praying for you, myself included.


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## wr (Aug 10, 2003)

sidepasser, I'm thinking about you and know that with your strength and logic, you'll get things sorted out soon. Nurture yourself and come back when you can. 

I did send you a pm but your inbox is likely full but I don't have the ability to delete and that would be up to Shrek and Terri.


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