# I'm losing the battle



## lickcreek (Apr 7, 2006)

I was doing pretty good for several weeks with my cleaning "plan". But it seems it all fell by the wayside this week. I don't know if it is life in general, or the time change, or what I can really blame it on. I guess I can only really blame my lack of "will power".

My reasonably clean porch now houses a bunch of DH's tools, a large cardboard box from a tree stand, and various straps for the stand, DS's tools and a stereo speaker that he promised would go away, but hasn't. 

My fairly clean mudroom is now housing a pile of collected empty cardboard boxes (I collected these in anticipation of the kitchen remodel - I need something to store the rest of my cabinet contents when we go to move them out), a LOT of DH's shooting supplies, and a large box with a pocket door frame (for DH's gun room wall when we get it built) and PILES of coats and boots that everyone has been digging through since the weather changes from minute to minute, but no one can see fit to pick up and put away once they find what they want.

My utility room and hallway are almost full again, since I decided to jump the gun and start cleaning the cupboards out, so I wouldn't be doing it at the last minute when they decide to start on the kitchen. DH is one of those people who will just decide at a moment's notice that NOW is the time... LOL. I am fully aware that I have no one to blame for this mess but myself.

My kitchen has boxes of tile flooring (for gun room), a huge box holding my stainless steel kitchen sink, another box with the faucet and water filter system, and a table I cannot find covered with DH's and DKid's stuff. I actually looked at it last night, and found only 2 things that were mine to put away. (well 7 if you consider I had 6 quarter collection books! LOL!)

In the meantime, DS has announced that he is moving back in. This move was originally to happen after the first of the month, but is now happening this week. He is on his way to get his second (and final) load of stuff today. As I type! Thank God he doesn't have much. This is a mixed blessing, as he will be living in the living room again for a while, as I have not been upstairs to make room for him. So there goes the livingroom. On the up side, he will be here to help with the remodeling when it gets started, and is much better at sticking to a project than his DDad, so once started, it will probably get finished in a reasonable amount of time.

In the meantime, I don't know where to start. I have done nothing really for the past week. It's depressing, really. I am hoping to get some ambition back, and maybe work on the upstairs hall and closet, and a place for DS upstairs this weekend. It just seems like for every room I make progress in, 2 more get trashed.

Okay, pity party over. Thanks for giving me a place to vent!


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## Ninn (Oct 28, 2006)

Sweetpea, it sounds like you need to have a cleaning party!! Call a few of your best girlfriends. You know, the ones you move laundry off the couch for when they stop by. Make popcorn and pizza. Brew lots of coffee. Get out 3 trash cans and label them keep, toss, sell. Choose a room and go to town. If something goes in another room, toss it into a basket, to be returned to it's home later. When you put those items in their rooms, DO NOT be tempted to clean the room before you put that thing away. That room is for next weekend.

Enjoy the fellowship, clean the room that is most important to you first. Sounds to me like DS's room and then the living room. The mud room is really always going to be a mess. That's pretty much it's function for now. A semi-organized "this pile is for this project" type mess is ok while you work on other stuff.

Be prepared to take the "toss" can's contents outside and burn them immediately following the cleaning party. This is where the glasses of wine and the relaxation come in. Sit down, watch the fire burn and socialize. Wine is optional, you can have cocoa if you prefer. 

Institute a new rule within the cleaned rooms. If I get up in the morning and it is on the floor, it must be trash and it is GONE! Stick to it. No matter who it belongs to, including yourself and your DH. No matter what it is or how expensive it was. It will only take a couple of times that they lose something important before they get the idea.

Schedule the next party at a friend's house and help them do the same, in preparation for the holidays. Let your kids do them with their friends in order to clean out their own spaces. It's fun and it makes a long, tough job a lot more enjoyable. In a few weeks, the more public spaces in your house should be tolerable. After that, you can seriously purge through stuff, a little at a time, as you clean. 

And before your remodel? Take out everything in the kitchen except for 1 place setting for each member of the family, and your pots n pans. The rest can be boxed up and accessed as needed. Less stress for you!

Breathe in. Breathe out. The world will not stop spinning just because you can't serve tea off your hallway floor. It's ok to take a break and work on other things too!


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## RedTartan (May 2, 2006)

Check out www.flylady.com

 RedTartan


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## lickcreek (Apr 7, 2006)

RedTartan, I have been to the FlyLady site. I wasn't able to work her schedule into mine, but I did borrow the "zone" idea, breaking my house into workable zones, and planned to attack one a week. Regardless of what I got done, it would be better than it was at the beginning of the week. Or so went my theory.

And it worked, to the extent that the area I worked on looked better by the end of the week. What didn't work was that while I was concentrating on that week's area, my DFamily was trashing last week's room(s)!! It seems there is no way to stay ahead of them!!!

I have threatened to go through the house with a box of books, tucking several under the legs of every piece of furniture that has a flat surface, so that whenever they lay something down, it slides off onto the floor. I believe this is the only way to have clean flat surfaces in my house. BUT I realized that everything the fell off would just be piled on the floor, and I would have to step over it all the time!! Not really an improvement.

I just want to throw them all out!!!!! DD is a pack rat, but I can usually get her to confine her stuff to her room. DS travels light, but does tend to be like his dad in that he lays whatever he is using down wherever he used it last and there is where it lays until he needs it again. And, of course DH is in the house doing the same! THEN has the nerve to criticize me because the house is always a mess!!! His shop is always a mess, but he blames that on everyone else who walks in. The SHOP can't be my fault too! I seldom pass through there!

Like I said, I am just frustrated and needed to blow off steam somewhere. Should do it at home, but now doesn't seem like a good time. I know, there's never a good time... I'll get there, I just need to regroup and plan a new attack! Thanks for putting up with me.


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## moongirl (May 19, 2006)

RedTartan said:


> Check out www.flylady.com
> 
> RedTartan


I have tried that "fling" thing with me kids.LOL Counting the items they are throwing away keeps them from whining so much! Anything that helps...... LOL


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## Ninn (Oct 28, 2006)

I have been known to get this frustrated and do what my children now lovingly call "the trash bag drag". I take a trash bag into whatever room is offending my senses at the time. If I can see it, it goes in the bag. Period. Then the bag goes away with the trash man. Sometimes, this means I have to replace something I really love. Usually, a hard cover book. BUT, if I've had to get this drastic with a room, it's usually worth it. I don't recommend it for everyday cleaning, but if a room is really making you crazy, try it. Give your family a chance the first time out-use a box and let them retrieve their stuff from it and put it in THEIR rooms. Nowhere else. Let them know that next time, it's the burn barrel for all of it. Sometimes, you just gotta get mean about stuff to be taken seriously. After all, I burned the playstation before my kids got the idea.


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## lickcreek (Apr 7, 2006)

Ninn, I wish I could be so brazen about trashing things, but DH would rip me to shreds.

I didn't get very far this weekend. Friday DD and I went and cleaned my mom's house. Hers is much less cluttered, and easier to clean. I felt the satisfaction of being able to clean, but when I got home, it was depressing that I wasn't able to do the same with mine!

I got a lot of laundry done, several loads of DS's clothes, as they were in a pile in the livingroom. He went for a job orientation Friday, and starts this morning. He promised to work on the bedroom when he gets home, and try to find the bed and get his stuff out of the living room as much as he can this evening. He will be getting up about 4:30 the rest of the week, so he can be at work by 6 am. This means going to bed a little sooner than usual, so he wanted to be able to sleep somewhere besides the couch. His prefered sleeping place is the couch, so I'm happy about this!! 

The fan on my heater/defroster went out this morning on the way to work. It's been dieing a slow death for some time now. DH wasn't very happy about that, and I told him a long time ago it was acting up. He thought it was the switch then. AND it's possible that we will need to replace the water heater elements very shortly. When it rains it poors, right? 

From here I will take it one day at a time, and not concern myself about "how much I get done". Seems like surviving the next few weeks will be an accomplishment!


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## Ninn (Oct 28, 2006)

That's probably the best approach you can take. First off, there is just too much to do to try and look at all of it. Secondly, life happens right when you make a working plan. Thirdly, we are coming into the beginning of the silly season, when everything seems to start feeling rushed. Take your time, do what you can and really enjoy that you have accomplished even one small task. Sing while you work, even off key. Remind yourself that you love taking care of your family and your home. That's why you're a wife and mother. Your joy will spill over and others will pitch in just out of companionship. 

I still like the party idea though. I think we might be doing one at my daughter's place next week!


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## lickcreek (Apr 7, 2006)

I love the party idea too! But I don't feel right inviting anyone over to help, when it feels like we can't really accomplish much. I think I'll save that idea for when the remodeling is done. We'll really be able to see what we've done, then!

DS got the bedroom cleared yesterday to the point that he can sleep in it (and DID last night! ). His clothes are still in the livingroom, but DD had his dresser full, and is suppose to spend today getting it cleared out for him. That should help some.

Once my livingroom is better, I believe I will just start clearing out the end of the room that DH wants to partition off. We'll save the kitchen for later. I know that is where he really wants to start, and the kitchen is just a "guilt" project, because it has been on the list longer. (And I would like to have the new window in before the snow and ice are blowing AND before it gets broke on the front porch, but I digress....) But maybe if he gets something done that HE wants, he won't be such a grouch about the rest of it. Only problem with this plan is I can see us spending all the money I've saved for the kitchen on his gunroom!! Guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

I am not getting as much done as I'd originally hoped according to my plan. But I am feeling better about it right now. Turns out I thought I had a meeting this Sunday, and it really isn't until the following Sunday! Something about having a full weekend this weekend makes things better. So we'll see if I can get back in the swing of it. :hobbyhors


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## Ninn (Oct 28, 2006)

So, how did the week go? Are you making progress? 

It might help to just focus on one room at a time instead of looking at the whole house. I know I used to get overwhelmed looking at all that had to be done in my big house. Tackling one room at a time, and breaking it down into smaller tasks that I can fit into my regular routine made it much easier.


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## manygoatsnmore (Feb 12, 2005)

Oh, my, I feel your pain. It sounds like it's not so much dirty or cluttered, as it is "under construction"! Most of what you listed is due to a remodeling project of some kind. Sounds like my house, lol! Do you have any place NOT in your house that you can put all this stuff until the projects are actually underway? Not having to look at it all would probably help your stress level.

I second Ninn's suggestion....breath in, breath out!


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## lickcreek (Apr 7, 2006)

My weekend was pretty much a bust from my side. I didn't have as much time as I expected, as I had to wait til they fixed my car, so I could get to town and get groceries. (usually do this during the week) And I shot some photos Sun afternoon for DD's friends. But I did survive. DSon got most of his stuff upstairs, we still have some small boxes and a few other things to get up to his room. But that was an improvement.

I HAVE been leaving DD a list of things to do each day. Not a lot, but enough that when I get home I can see something was done, and I feel better. (Dishes, sweep, vacuum, laundry, trash, every day things.) This has gone a long way towards my sanity. She's not working, and living here for free, so she might as well be "working" for me, right?

As for the construction supplies, we already have drywall and lumber in an outbuilding, and the countertop is sitting inside a bus right now! LOL! I am running out of other places to put these things. I may put some of the kitchen things back in the cupboards, but still in the boxes, so they are ready to be pulled out in a moment's notice, as it looks like it may be a bit longer before we actually get started. (Told my DAunt Friday, we're not remodeling yet...just collecting!)

Harvest season coming on, and while we don't have a lot of crops out, a very dear family friend is sick, and DH is helping get their crops in. I do not begrudge him this. My indoor projects can be done anytime, DF needs the help NOW. Besides, DH is much easier to live with when doing household projects if he doesn't feel that he should be elsewhere. 

In addition, we have another friend staying to help with DF's harvest, so once again, my couch is full! LOL!!! I told DH that it was okay, I'm sure the couch was going through withdrawal, as noone had slept on it for almost over a week! LOL! 

I must be feeling a little better. I can laugh about it now.


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