# Stressed HELP!



## Ohio dreamer (Apr 6, 2006)

I feel safe here so I'm going to post this. Please don't flame me, etc, as my nerves can't take much more.

I need ideas/ suggestions for a very bad situation I feel I'm in. It's 4:30 and my kids are still not done with school (we are taking just the 3 R's here). I have taken their books away and said to just forget it, go clean their rooms. What the oldest has done is not the quality of work one should do in 6th grade etc. The house is a wreck and has been since we moved back a year ago. Kids are refusing to do work or anything requested of them. I am finding myself yelling, screaming, threatening, etc. Nothing is working. DS started this "I don't want to and you can't make me" attitude about 3 yrs ago. DD is picking up on it and doing it, too. 

Oh, they are 8 and 11.

I see 3 options in front of me, so far. (If you can come up with any other PLEASE tell me!)

1) kids get their act together and life becomes tolerable again. ( I admit I'm to the point that I' like to just throw in the towel and walk away- which I won't do. But I am questioning why I have kids.)

2) public school

3) take 3-4 week off school, strip clean the house. Take LOADS of stuff to Goodwill so there is less to "use" to mess up the house. Try school again and go from there. Mess = Stress for me. I can't stand clutter and piles everywhere that's all we have had to live in for more than 12 months. With less clutter and mess I might be able to better focus on the kids.

We go on vacation in 2 weeks (adding more stress to me). DH needs to go and get away (I'm the one that suggested it back in June). I'm very worried about his health and the stress at work, but the funds to do this are stressing me out as well. We will be tapping into the savings to do this, which is hard for me to do. In the balancing act of this, it's more important to get away for DH, then for me to keep the $ in the savings. I'm not sure if the break will do me good or not with the "school thing".

My mom is a school teacher (taught k-2, now does after care and subbing) and is telling me my son is 2 years behind in Math (I don't know...the book he's in says 6th, it a good curriculum, and he can do the work), is a momma's boy and I need to let go. She says the best solution is for him to go live with them so he can go to her school (a Catholic school...not public). We already said no. She also says DD can't read on level and doesn't know her phonics, etc. Well, she reads fine for me but is not in anyway confident in her own reading and will not read for others. She knows her phonics when you ask her (while reading) what a sound, blend, etc makes when she stuck on a word. Yes, I agree some (possibly many) kids her age can read better, but she's only just turned 8 a few weeks ago. All of this, adds to the feeling I'm just a failure and should give up. I hate people who think homeschool kids need to be tested by them, but she's my mom I can't tell her to go away.

My son does have social issues (and is extremely strong willed). He will be 12 in a few months but acts like he's 6 much of the time. Thinks his opinion, thoughts, questions are more important then anyone else's and will interrupt anyone any time he feels like it for any reason (including an instructor in a class to teach you how to do something) and will often tell adults they are wrong, when he is the one that is wrong. Of course this is also my fault, even though his sister who has grown up in the same house is not like this at all. We have just signed him up for scouts and is now old enough for our church youth group (this is a VERY good Christ centered youth group and does not have the "issues" most do) hoping more social interaction will help.

Any other ideas, suggestions, etc???? I'm at my wits end.


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## ovsfarm (Jan 14, 2003)

The first advice I give to all homeschool moms for all situations is to sit down and breathe. You can deal with this.

Are things okay with you and your dh or your finances or living situation? Kids can pick up on this if there are concerns and often their anxiety manifests in some pretty irritating and unproductive ways. Plus you also have all the anxiety of the move and a new living situation to deal with.

However...none of that is an excuse for bad behavior. An explanation but not an excuse. I like the option 3 of taking some time off to get reorganized. Why fight an unruly household in addition to difficult kids? Although I wouldn't give the kids the time completely off. I would insist they keep up with a couple of their favorite subjects just so they don't lose the habit of school completely. (My dd would choose art and science, for example.)

At our church we are going through a DVD study by Ted Tripp about Shepherding a Child's Heart. (I agree with several of his basic ideas but so far he is long on theory, short on practice.) One of those basics is that although you may possibly be able to force/trick/bribe your dc into the outward behavior you want, if you don't change their hearts you will be fighting a constant battle and they will still do whatever they want when your back is turned. So during your regrouping time, I would work to figure out why your ds feels he doesn't want to be a valuable and committed member of your family and why he doesn't feel that you have the authority to command his obedience. And why your dd is following the same path.

Then I would speak with each of them separately and make your expectations very clear. I would also discuss with them your perception of why they are behaving in such a manner. I would take all of their extra perks and make them earn them back. Make it clear to them that you are doing this to illustrate to them how real life works. You and your dh have to earn money to get the things you want, regardless of whether you want to work to earn it or not. 

If they want a favorite food for lunch, it must be earned by good behavior during the morning. If the behavior is not there, then lunch will be your favorite, since you paid for it and are cooking it. Do this not as punishment, but as training. Talk to your ds about how things would be in your family if everyone chose to not do the work they did not want to do. Everyone can choose to work together to create a pleasant environment or everyone can do only that which pleases them and live in a miserable environment where no one has any fun. They will have to make that same choice many times in their adult lives. Some kids have to actually experience the down side of this to "get it", so talk to your dh beforehand and be prepared to let ds learn through actual experience.

Talk to dd about how you have noticed that she seems to be following the bad example set by her brother. Discuss how following a bad path can lead to disaster and how there will be no one to share the blame at the end, even if they were the guides.

In general, I try to teach my dd that while my love for her is unconditional, that in this life things must be earned. Treats and privileges are conditional based upon her behavior, not my whims. And I try to help her see the value of cooperation and mutual respect. Sure, we all get irritable sometimes and make poor choices. But that needs to be the exception not the rule.

And as far as the homeschooling, keep in mind that they might well be behaving the very same way if they were in public school or even worse. Plus you would have all the administrative headaches to fight and the negative influences of peers. There is absolutely no guarantee that they would be learning any more or would be any happier there.

Your children are not trick ponies, trained to perform for Grandma. There are threads here on diagnostic tests you can have them take online, which might be a good activity for your break period. 

Sounds like your ds may need a bit firmer hand for a while. Rudeness, interrupting, and arrogance are just not acceptable in my book. Again, I would suggest talking with him about what he is doing, try to figure out why - is he covering up some inner insecurities or is he uninformed about how offputting it is for others to be around a braggart and know-it-all? IMO, every kid wants to feel special and appreciated. By educating him to how his behavior is perceived by others and how it will affect their willingness to want to be friends with him may help bring his ego down to a more appropriate size.

And when you get it all together, I will write to you and you can help me get my dd straightened out! It is always so much easier to figure out what others should do with their kids than to figure out your own situation.

You are not a failure. You are monitoring the situation, aware that there is a problem, and working toward correcting the problem. That is what caring and successful parents do. (All the while feeling like screaming and giving up!) Breath, put your feet up occasionally, and hide a stash of emergency chocolate.


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## Sonshine (Jul 27, 2007)

I only homeschool one child, DS 12, but he has learning disabilities, so at times it seems like I have a dozen.  One of the things I learned when the stress level gets too high is find fun ways to do school. Play learning games, take field trips. In other words, take a break from the formal curriculumn for a little while. It'll still be there when you get back to it. As for the kids being on grade level in certain areas, everyone has strengths and weaknesses, if YOU feel they are not at grade level then adjust accordingly, the key word being YOU. Well meaning family members and friends don't know your kids like you do. My MIL was aghast when she found out I was going to homeschool DS, now she tells me that she doesn't think DS would be as far as he is had he attended public school.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

My sisters homeschooling routine:

1. Breakfast.

2. Everybody does the dishes: that means that evetyone puts in their own breakfast dishes and does a few things.

3. School for a bit, then RECESS! Recess for them was go outside with the dog or catch a frog or whatever.

4. School

5. Lunch

6. Everybody does dishes again: mostly their own

Etc. 

The idea is to have the kids do a LITTLE work to take some of the load off of Mom. It also breaks up the day so that the kids are less bored and do not have to work such long hours without feeling like they have had a break.

And, Your Mom asked you to give you her CHILD?!?!? How RUDE!!!!!! AUGH!


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## Nina (May 10, 2002)

It sounds like your discipline either isn't firm enough (do you *follow through* with clear consequences for unkind, rude, or just plain bad behavior?), or your consequences aren't _nearly _tough enough. 
Your mom probably isn't up to taking on your son. Maybe, though, she'd be amenable to paying for your kids to do Catholic school without moving them out of your house.


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## country_wife (Sep 24, 2004)

Dreamer, I met you and your family last year at the get together (or was it this year? sheesh..see what homeschooling has done to my brain? lol). Anyway, you have a lovely family. 

I know how it can get stressful, especially when they are all causing mischief at the same time, or at least it seems that way. 

You really have to do what works for you. Your idea of a few weeks off may be the best option. Getting the house in order can make you feel more in control of the rest of your life. 

Maybe try a few homeschool activities that are less structured? There are a lot of history type events going on this time of year. Mohican Outdoor School will have A Walk In History coming up in November, and of course the HOOT events.

It seems this time of year, with the seasons changing and more time spent indoors can cause a lot of stress for kids.

Wishing you the best and feel free to email me anytime!


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## cjean (May 1, 2007)

Have you ever heard of Barb Shelton? Check out her Oasis for Homeschoolers:
http://www.homeschooloasis.com/

She has some great words of wisdom!


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## halfpint (Jan 24, 2005)

I'm guessing you need to be firm on discipline and do not accept the back talk from your children (see if your Library has the book "Backtalk" and read it - it could be helpful here). I've found that by eliminating the backtalk, much of the other behavior was modified. You will probably have to take many things away - mp3's, TV, computer time special dinners or nights out, recess (when I did this, I made them do some physical activity during recess, things like pushups, running laps around the house, jumping jacks or jump rope, carrying bags of chicken feed, moving rocks or getting out tree roots - be creative). Sometimes if I run out of things to take away I will add things like extra chores, extra schoolwork etc. My children purchased used Ipods with their birthday and earned money this last year and it has been one of the greatest incentives to getting school work done as they don't get their Ipod (nor computer time) until I have checked off all their work, and they have to give it back to me at a specific time each night (some nights vary).

All that said, Enjoy your vacation! If you're camping or staying in a motel or condo with a kitchen, they are old enough to help you plan meals and prepare them. 
Dawn


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## jamala (May 4, 2007)

Take a few weeks off and relax. We are going to do that next week and clean out the house and re-organize. I have been subbing in a school since Aug. 2 so my mom and dad who recently retired have been doing homeschool with my kids. Tomorrow is my last day subbing and so we are going to take a week off, organize and relax and get back started the next week. As for discipline, I am fighting that battle with my soon to be 15 year old. I will let you know if I have a breakthrough, I am reading the book "have a new kid by Friday" and it has some great ideas.


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## Ohio dreamer (Apr 6, 2006)

Thanks all, I will re-read and print out this post so all the advice sinks in. Dh said IF we go with the public schools we should wait till the semester break. That way it's a true decision and not a gut reaction. He has a valid point. Maybe just a semester with them in PS would be enough then we could homeschool again next year.

The entire day today the kids have spent in their rooms cleaning, with the exception of their gymnastics class. It should not be taken that long, but they are DEEP cleaning. DH isn't sold on the "slow down school and clean the house" idea....but....um, he's not here during he day so what we do is what we do. I think the school slow down and cleaning is a must. Now, if I could just get de-stressed enough that my back would bend! I think tomorrow I will strip clean the kitchen cabinets....after a morning of learning games.

DD's scout troop is doing "a year of service" and one of the things they need to do it to take 3 bags of stuff to Goodwill on a set day next month. SO I think we will try to make it 3 Jeep loads, not just 3 bags.


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## Lizza (Nov 30, 2005)

I remember once when I was having a really hard time many years ago, I talked with a long time homeschooler, she always seemed to have it together, kids were very nice, well behaved, ect. So I asked her "I am so stressed out, don't you hate it sometimes", she said there were times she locked herself in the bathroom and cried. I was like....oh, no!...but in the end I realized I wasn't alone, raising kids plus homeschooling them, HARD. 

My advice, take an at home vacation, keep the tv and computers off, but let the kids play, you re-group and breath. Nothing is going to happen in those few weeks to throw off their academic careers. Then work on your behavior problems, I've always been strong on telling them to do it with a happy heart, I read something once that taking off an entire year to work on happy hearts really is not a bad idea if the family is in a bad way (emotionally or spiritually). 

One little piece of advice, is training them to get their school work done. Also getting out of the house helps. Tell them if they do their school work everyday for 4 days, on Friday you will do something fun (this can be something really cheap, park day, a family drive, whatever). Let them pick the fun thing (within reason of course). If they do it, then for sure take them, if not let them try again next week, don't lecture them, just say "well, we will try again next week". Then add in their chores, if they get them all done as well, then they can go something on Friday. What does it take 21 days to retrain yourself? So many things we all just do out of habit. 

Also for whatever reason, we've always just done everything together, chore time, learning time, clean up time, dinner time......they really weren't expected to do any of it by themselves per se. I don't know, it's worked for me over the years. My day's always looked a lot like Terri's sisters day. I had free time after 3 and before Dad came home, while I started dinner, they did whatever, besides that though we pretty much did everything together. My oldest had issues, I am a very unorganized person, but I had to become organized out of sheer self preservation, so our day was pretty organized in that there was a time for everything. Putting everyone on a schedule (yourself included) can alleviate a lot of stress. 

Know that you are not alone.....parenting......it's not for the weak!


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## Lizza (Nov 30, 2005)

As a total side-note....I have found that taking a week or two off to deep clean and get a good schedule written up is a MUST, it just must be done for self preservation, so you are totally doing the right thing as far as I'm concerned!


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## sheepish (Dec 9, 2006)

The biggest part of your issue sounds like a lack of respect for you and for the family. I would start with practicing "I messages." That is saying how you feel about their behaviour. Use statements such as "I feel humiliated when you refuse to clean up and expect me to do it all." or "I am worried about the way you don't put enough effort into your schoolwork." 

Don't make it all negative. Use positive feeling statements as well.

If you need some ideas about feelings http://www.psychpage.com/learning/library/assess/feelings.html has a good list.

I found that this helped tremendously with my kids. It gave both them and me insight into the way we affect each other.

I don't know what your approach to housework is, but in our family, we never helped mom clean the house, or whatever. We had family helping jobs. Mom is not the slave of all, begging for help, but rather an insightful team member who has a better idea of what needs doing than the rest. My kids are all grown now, but eventually they became more insightful than me about what needed doing. Their houses are much neater than mine.


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## highlandview (Feb 15, 2007)

For behavior, try positively rewarding good behavior. It might spur the kids to want the praise they see their sibling receiving. For education, try taking a break from "book learning" and do a really fun week or two. You might try a couple weeks of science experiments www.homesciencetools.com has some great ideas. You could also read a story aloud to all the kids over those few weeks. My kids are all different ages but the all enjoyed _My Side of the Mountain_. For stress, try to focus on the positive and make an effort to list things you are thankful for each day. Share these positive thoughts with your husband. It really does help melt stress. For your Mom, don't make the mistake of confiding every little problem to your mom because it skews how she will think of your family - share with her the positives. If you find her turning negative on you just be too busy to let the conversation go that far. She is probably comparing your kids' progress to her best students, most teachers do and fail to teach all the children in their classrooms. I can't recommend it from experience but I am going to look into Terri Maxwell's books Managers of Their Homes and Manager of Their Chores. Purging and cleaning your house might really help. Everytime we see something we need to do but haven't it adds a layer of stress to our lives. Get the kids involved in helping especially if you will be donating to the needy. God Bless.


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## ThisLittlePiggy (Oct 4, 2010)

I have 3 sons all now in their 20s. They were all supposedly ADHD and the schools were heavily pushing Ritalin but I didnât want to put my sons on medication so I took them out of school. The defining moment was when the special education teacher told me she was glad that I could accept that they would not do as well as other kids. I took the two oldest out of school that day. So my oldest dropped out of 1st grade, the middle one out of kindergarten and the youngest never set foot in a school. This was back in the day when homeschoolers were as scarce as henâs teeth so everyone told me thatâ¦ 

1.	I was ruining their lives. 

2.	They would never get into college. 

3.	They would be social misanthropes. 

It was really stressful to hear all those negative comments.

To make matters worseâ¦

When my boys were little my first husband had decided marriage and parenthood were not his thing. I was young, broke and horribly insecure. I was selling firewood and doing odd jobs to make ends meet. I was in the middle of building a house. In the beginning I had no electricity or running water and when I did have them they existed only because I did the work myself â by hand. Heck the summer I started the house we lived in an Army tent. That was chaotic! So I was hardly a paragon of virtue & patience. A better description would be tired, overworked, stressed and frankly more than a little moody at times. If anyone should have failed it would have been me so when I tell you that your kids are fine Iâm not spouting empty platitudes. Iâve been there and I know what I am talking about. 

Fast forward 2 decades and they are all mature well educated adults. The ADHD seems to have disappeared (if it ever existed â lol) They received GPAs of 3.7 and above and all made the Deanâs list in college. While they were in college I was considering adoption and their professors wrote wonderful recommendations to the adoption agencies telling them what a terrific educator I was.

I am telling you this for a reason. The hardest part of homeschooling is the fear that comes with responsibility. We all want to do the best thing for our children and we donât have the luxury of blaming the schools, the teachers or their peer group for the things we feel are going wrong. We donât want to let them down so we have to be perfect and by extension they have to be perfect. That is WAY too much pressure but it is where we are as a society. Give it a few more decades and homeschooling parents will be able to relax because more people will be able to tell you that kids bounce. Think how nice it would be if your mom or someone you knew could tell you that all the things you are going through was normal. I promise you it is.

If this is what you want you can and are doing it just fineâ¦

You are way more together than I was on my best day. Just keep telling yourself âif that nut did it then I know my kids will turnout just fineâ because that is the truth. 

Love your mom but ignore her on this subjectâ¦ homeschooling is nothing like public schools. She is trying to compare apples and oranges. As a mom with adult children I find myself offering advice on subjects I know nothing about all the time out of habit more than anything else. (I drive even myself nuts.) Do what is in your heart and what feels right to you and your husband. If you want to put them in public school that is fine but only do it if YOU think it is right. Donât do it because your mother or anyone else has made you feel insecure.

That said I am now going to offer âmotherly adviceâ so duck 

Your son is 12, I donât care what you do he will be a know-it-all for at least another decade. I have one who is still trying to get past that stage. LOL That is just the way teenaged males are and your son is reaching that age. If it drives you nuts or you want to use it to your advantage tell him to prove he is right. I canât tell you how useful the simple phrase âprove itâ can be. Pride will drive a male to amazing lengthsâ¦ if they think they can gain your respect by proving they are right they will work their butts off (and learn a few things in the process) I promise he will outgrow it somewhere around the time he is 20-24. All it takes is living in the adult world a few years. That is the only cure as far as anyone can tell me. Just brace yourself and ride it out. Donât worry about the fact that he is interrupting adults etc. just tell him to polish his way of doing it so people will take him seriously. 

Your daughter is just fine too. All kids are insecure about something. Encourage her to read books she likes to herself and give her time. Her confidence will grow.

Now, do what you need to do to feel less stressed because by doing so you are teaching your kids something more important than reading or math. A day or even a month missed will not mess them up.

Oh, BTW if you are wondering if it is worth itâ¦ I have a 3 month old daughter and I am going to do it all again. I wouldnât trade the experience for anything.


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## mekasmom (Jan 19, 2010)

My advice would be to choose a book to read to them. Read for a half hour to ALL of them each morning. Have each of them write for a half hour on something related to the book and according to their age. Then spend a half hour or 45 min on math each day. Then DONE. No matter how much they do, they are done for that day. If they do enough to satisfy you, then give them a reward. If not, then no reward, no TV, nothing, just cleaning and rooms. They will learn to work hard enough on school to please you. 
Realistically, school shouldn't take more than 3hrs of desk time a day at most. And chooseing to do things together will greatly simplify your life. Read them Little House in the Big Woods or another book all at the same time. have the youngest pick out some spelling words from teh book and write sentences with them. Have the older one write a report on something from the book like Bears, etc. Just make assignments from that book according to each of their abilities. 
Next time, choose a book that has science in it or social studies. Holling Holling has some wonderful books you can learn about maps with like Tree in the Trail, Paddle to the Sea, etc.
If school isn't fun and educational, then you are doing it wrong. You homeschool, don't try to school at home. There is a difference.


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## Pigeon Lady (Apr 4, 2004)

Thislittlepiggy, I just loved your post! 

One thing I would do, when it seemed my son might be going a bit pear-shaped; I would find a thread on HT, where someone was complaining about their kid, and show it to my son. I'd say "Wow! look at this poor woman, Thank goodness I have a kid like you, I'm sure glad I'm not stuck raising a kid like that!"

He'd look over the thread and get all wide eyed. "You right, I would never talk to you like that!" He'd puff out his little chest and all attitude would be gone. Sweetness and light all over again  Worked every time.

As someone else said, try to concentrate on praising and playing up the good behaviors at every opportunity. 

Pauline


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Ohio dreamer said:


> I feel safe here so I'm going to post this. Please don't flame me, etc, as my nerves can't take much more.
> 
> I need ideas/ suggestions for a very bad situation I feel I'm in. It's 4:30 and my kids are still not done with school (we are taking just the 3 R's here).


I promise not to flame. But I will ask a lot of question that I have already asked myself!!!

WHY are they not done? Do they need help? Is the tv on? Are you not in the room with them? Are they goofing off? Is the work over their heads?



> I have taken their books away and said to just forget it, go clean their rooms. What the oldest has done is not the quality of work one should do in 6th grade etc. The house is a wreck and has been since we moved back a year ago. Kids are refusing to do work or anything requested of them. I am finding myself yelling, screaming, threatening, etc. Nothing is working. DS started this "I don't want to and you can't make me" attitude about 3 yrs ago. DD is picking up on it and doing it, too.



Sounds like they are in control and have been for a while.
Time to take back your authority.
Stop all "schooling" now. You need to regain the authority and respect that a mother should have.
Do not threaten if you do not intend to follow through. THIS is to your own demise. If you say you are going to throw shoes in the trash if they don't get picked up.........sister they better be in the can when they are left out AND AND AND you do not buy them another pair.
Do not threaten if you do not intended on following though.
Don't raise your voice again.
Silence is deafening. A calm, cool, collected voice......with a half smile......from a mother who meets out consequences to wrong choices, consistantly........is the most terrifying thing on the planet.

Stop schooling. 
Get them in a routine. M-F in bed at ___, every single night.
Get up M-F at ____, every single morning, with NO lip service.
Cut out all artificial sweeteners, colors, additives, soda, chips, processed packaged foods...trust me on this.
Lay out the rules of respect and authority.
Lay out the consesquences.
Follow through.

If not cleaning their rooms means grounded from the x box.....then take the x box. If that doesn't work. SELL THE X BOX.......trust me, that grabs attention[/quote]



> Oh, they are 8 and 11.
> 
> I see 3 options in front of me, so far. (If you can come up with any other PLEASE tell me!)
> 
> 1) kids get their act together and life becomes tolerable again. ( I admit I'm to the point that I' like to just throw in the towel and walk away- which I won't do. But I am questioning why I have kids.)


Tolerable is unacceptable. 
They need to respect you.
You need to draw CLEAR lines in the sand.



> 2) public school


Why do you home school?
I know why I do, and no matter HOW bad things got....because of my core reasons, I would NEVER EVER send them to public school, ever.
Find out why you homeschool......



> 3) take 3-4 week off school, strip clean the house. Take LOADS of stuff to Goodwill so there is less to "use" to mess up the house. Try school again and go from there. Mess = Stress for me. I can't stand clutter and piles everywhere that's all we have had to live in for more than 12 months. With less clutter and mess I might be able to better focus on the kids.


*THIS is a great idea.*
Take off November.
One room at a time. Top to bottom. Until every single room in the house is empty. NO video games or tv from 8am-6pm M-F in the month of November. This is a great month of teaching.....
Box it up, get it out.
Good will ,free cycle, trash. 
This will teach them the value of a dollar. What is "trash" and what is still usable. How to use things up before throwing it away. How what they think is junk, has value to someone else.........so many valuable lessons can be learned here.
THEY MUST help you. 
This is where YOU can practice NOT screaming.....but using a very different tone of voice, and where you can practice following through with a threat.
I think this is a great idea!!



> We go on vacation in 2 weeks (adding more stress to me). DH needs to go and get away (I'm the one that suggested it back in June). I'm very worried about his health and the stress at work, but the funds to do this are stressing me out as well. We will be tapping into the savings to do this, which is hard for me to do. In the balancing act of this, it's more important to get away for DH, then for me to keep the $ in the savings. I'm not sure if the break will do me good or not with the "school thing".


Cleaning all the clutter out of the house will make everyones stress level come down.
No more screaming and yelling will bring down the stress level.
Changing your diet, will greatly reduce the stress level.




> My mom is a school teacher (taught k-2, now does after care and subbing) and is telling me my son is 2 years behind in Math (I don't know...the book he's in says 6th, it a good curriculum, and he can do the work), is a momma's boy and I need to let go. She says the best solution is for him to go live with them so he can go to her school (a Catholic school...not public). We already said no. She also says DD can't read on level and doesn't know her phonics, etc. Well, she reads fine for me but is not in anyway confident in her own reading and will not read for others. She knows her phonics when you ask her (while reading) what a sound, blend, etc makes when she stuck on a word. Yes, I agree some (possibly many) kids her age can read better, but she's only just turned 8 a few weeks ago. All of this, adds to the feeling I'm just a failure and should give up. I hate people who think homeschool kids need to be tested by them, but she's my mom I can't tell her to go away.


Again, why are you home schooling?
Of course a 'school teacher' will tell you your kids are behind.....
People who are educators, and who have no experience in home education are fearful of it.....therefore, denounce it.
Find out 'why' you are home schooling. If you feel you need a little extra, go to www.hslda.com and click on your state. It will tell you the home school groups in your area.



> My son does have social issues (and is extremely strong willed). He will be 12 in a few months but acts like he's 6 much of the time. Thinks his opinion, thoughts, questions are more important then anyone else's and will interrupt anyone any time he feels like it for any reason (including an instructor in a class to teach you how to do something) and will often tell adults they are wrong, when he is the one that is wrong. Of course this is also my fault, even though his sister who has grown up in the same house is not like this at all. We have just signed him up for scouts and is now old enough for our church youth group (this is a VERY good Christ centered youth group and does not have the "issues" most do) hoping more social interaction will help.


IF this is not a physiological issue, and it's a 'self disciple' issue, you will need to really spend a lot of time on top of him to train this out. 
It does't sound like a 'socialization' issue as much as it sounds like 'he gets his way, no one corrects him, so why change' kind of thing. No one in youth group will correct him either...as this is not their focus, they will just work around him. 
Work with him so that when he goes out into the real world he is prepared!





> Any other ideas, suggestions, etc???? I'm at my wits end.


No flames here, no 'judging', no fingerpointing......
BTDT.
It's not easy.
It's not fun.
But it IS worth it in the end......trust me!!


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## cwgrl23 (Feb 19, 2004)

I have not read everyone's thoughts but this is what works at my house. Your mileage may vary. 
In my house, this is when more physical exercise/exertion is due. Either more chores or bike riding or something. I have found the more exercise in a day, less attitude problems. This seems to work for DS 17, DD 13, and DS 11. Bad attitude means icky, hard, tiring projects. Again, this is what works here. Sometimes choices of school or icky job makes school much more appealing.
HTH
Carrie in SD


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## cindy-e (Feb 14, 2008)

cwgrl23 said:


> I have not read everyone's thoughts but this is what works at my house. Your mileage may vary.
> In my house, this is when more physical exercise/exertion is due. Either more chores or bike riding or something. I have found the more exercise in a day, less attitude problems. This seems to work for DS 17, DD 13, and DS 11. Bad attitude means icky, hard, tiring projects. Again, this is what works here. Sometimes choices of school or icky job makes school much more appealing.
> HTH
> Carrie in SD


Me too. And it's not cause I am being mean. It's because I know what physical exertion does for my attitude. It works! It helps. I also know how much teens/pre-teens *need* to work off some hormones. L!

Cindyc.


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## Louisiana Mom (Oct 15, 2004)

The first reply from ovsfarm sounds just like me talking...lol.
I've been where you are a few years back. I finally just said "I'm done with this garbage." We did take academics off except for reading for 2 weeks. During that time we cleaned-up & cleaned-out. Got rid of lots of clutter & got organized. The main thing we worked on was obedience! 
I think quiet time is needed too. We spend at least 45 minutes during week days in our own rooms reading or listening to books on tape, etc. but on our own quietly. It's a great little bit of time to just have.
I don't know your religious views, but another was I started getting up and reading a little devotion for mom's book before the kids were awake. I get a cup of coffee & just take a deep breath and pray that the Lord would help me along the day.
Then during breakfast I would read either a children's devotion for the day or just read from the Bible. This has lasted through the years and when we get out of starting our day this way for a while I can tell a change in all of us. So.... I make this a very important priority.


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