# Financial Discussion(s) - ever have one with ___?



## Micheal (Jan 28, 2009)

Over the years I've read many articles about how kids should be approaching the parents - or the other way around - to discuss the daily/monthly financial aspects of growing old(er)? 
This *is not* about estate planning or dying but just everyday living as in bill paying, money drains, income short-falls (or not), where money comes from or goes, etc.....
Anyone have or attempted this type of conversation with your parents/kids?????? 

I've tired but to no avail. The daughter doesn't want to hear it, the wife could care less, and I don't think I'd trust the financial maturity of the Grandkids, not with the sharing of any of our financial data anyway, be it daily, monthly or final........

Sooo, have you had this type of financial conversation with your parents/kids as such; and the outcome?????


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## ceresone (Oct 7, 2005)

I have a budget book--where income and monthly payments are listed on each page, and the kids know where to find it--in my desk drawer, along with a will printout for each of them. We never know if we will wake up every day!


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

Yes. They see what you do for sure. They understand that you have to put some away and that when you save, it could be for someone else.

You lost my interest when you talked about the financial aspect of growing older. 

The inability to put a little in the rainy day fund each week suggests that we already have a problem that needs a careful look. 

Good luck MONY (Micheal of New York)


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Discuss the everyday financial aspects of getting older? Those are the same as the everyday financial aspects of living. I think my daughter would not be interested in a long discussion about the rise in price of ex-lax (and related items) as I would be in the cost of diapers (and related items).

Sure, a pasiing interest, as in general conversation, but detailed? Why?

Mon


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

I've had a tendency to let everyone else figure their own way with finances, up until the point they want to borrow money, which then makes their business my business.


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## Nevada (Sep 9, 2004)

Micheal said:


> Over the years I've read many articles about how kids should be approaching the parents - or the other way around - to discuss the daily/monthly financial aspects of growing old(er)?


People under 30 don't care. I mean they REALLY don't care. They don't even want to hear it.

I recall being that way. When I was about 30 (say 1980 or so) we had a situation in this country where congress was raiding the FICA fund with no meaningful accounting. I was ready to replace SS & Medicare with something that I would be more confident would be there. Saving SS & Medicare wasn't a priority to me. In the end (well, in 1983 anyway) Reagan reformed FICA to require replacing borrowed funds with treasury notes, which is the system we still have today. We calmed-down and contributed to FICA without cmplaint after that.

But this stuff IS important. I wish there was something I could do to make my kids understand that.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

You know, come to think of it, I DID have one of those conversations with my daughter! Slipped my mind!

Told her that if the time came that I was unsalvageable, please pull the plug ASAP...I want my $$$ to go to her, not a bunch of multimillionaires. The talk was short.

Mon


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## Micheal (Jan 28, 2009)

Bret said:


> Good luck MONY (Micheal of New York)


 Gosh, been called lots of names/things before (some good and some not so), but never thought of that one....:bow: :hysterical:ound:

Anyway, the main reason I brought up this subject of having "financial discussions" I was just wondering if'n anyone else has tried sucessfully (or not) to discuss the ins and/or outs of the daily, weekly, or even monthly aspects of money handling that we as retiree(s) deal with. 
Couple that along with the current rash of articles about the rise of dementia in the elderly (more forgetfulness, and not Alzheimer's) and one has to wonder if'n this wouldn't be a good conversation to have????? 

Nevada - Sadly, I'm finding that it's not just people under 30 that don't sorta "care" nor "want to hear" about it. 
There are those that just don't want to be bothered, have a fear of _____ (whatever), are to involved within one's self being (it's me and me first), or just maybe not capable of handling more than one thing at a time..... who knows all the reasons?


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## FarmChix (Mar 3, 2013)

We have had those conversations with all six of our children. (Our youngest is now 22) A good book that we gave to every single one--The Richest Man in Babylon. I highly recommend it.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Micheal said:


> Over the years I've read many articles about how kids should be approaching the parents - or the other way around - to discuss the daily/monthly financial aspects of growing old(er)?
> This *is not* about estate planning or dying but just everyday living as in bill paying, money drains, income short-falls (or not), where money comes from or goes, etc.....
> Anyone have or attempted this type of conversation with your parents/kids??????
> 
> ...


If I had it to do over, I would have been VERY open with my/our day to day bills, and debt.
1. I think I would have made better choices (debt) because knowing it was out in the open for all to see and hear would have made me more accountable.
2. It would have given every a great sense of how much work has to be done to have lights, running water, underware.
3. The importance of keeping accurate records, and a good check register.
4. The OOOOBER importance of NO DEBT NO DEBT NO DEBT.
and finally;
5 I would have had to show them savings and giving.......and maybe I would have actually saved and gave.....

I would have started when they were SUPER young.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

yes it's not only people under 30. my son is 50. he's all i have. he doesn't want to hear about it whatsoever. just says. dont think of that mother .you will outlive us all. he has never married and i think he's scared to think about me going. (probably worried about losing out on all that grub he gets now)lol. ~Georgia.


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## COSunflower (Dec 4, 2006)

We always talked about money and the "cost" of living day to day with our kids. We still talk and they are 35 and 36. I certainly don't want to leave them with a great big mess to take care of when I'm gone so I am trying my hardest to make it all easy for them by having my finances in order, no debt, a will and all of the "stuff" already moved from my home. Everything is taken care of except I'm STILL dejunking the outside sheds. They have told me many times that they appreciate that I'm doing this all ahead of time!!!


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## Wolf mom (Mar 8, 2005)

I work with the elderly and think there's deeper underlying issues than just a talk about money.

From what I can glean from discussions with the elderly and their families, it's talking about death and or trust/lack of trust coupled with control/loss of control of more aspects of their life as they age. 

I think it's a disservice on both sides if these discussions can't take place. If they can't, then I think the parents need to have all finances written down (not just a will) as it's traumatic enough for a parent to die (most times) and to make life a little easier for those left living.

BTW: I am elderly & need to take my own advice.....


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## Maura (Jun 6, 2004)

When DD #1 got married, and we were 50, she and her husband made plans for us to come and live with them. I guess that was just their feeling like adults. I don't intend to live with them, but it was nice to know they have us on their radar.

We do not specifically have money discussions. But, right now they can see what is happening with their grandparents, how we are coping. Each month one of us (11 siblings) send money to my mother for her condo fee. She handles December. I told her, you have eleven kids, I'm sure we can help you out. 

Our kids are seeing their parents (us) downsize into a smaller house that, in 18 months will be reroofed, etc., and fixed up so that we will not have to think about those things when we are truly elderly. This is modeling behavior. We've talked about the possibilities that people have as they age, living independently, semi independently, and nursing homes. We aren't prepared to discuss our finances, but when the time comes my SIL is CFO of a large company and understands money pretty well. We are actually going through this with DH's parents and he and his siblings have recently put their parent' affairs in order.


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## TheMartianChick (May 26, 2009)

My parents talked about money every day. As kids, we learned the lessons of frugality and saving something from every paycheck. However, they never discussed "real" money. I had no sense of what a living wage was growing up. One of my first jobs was at Burger King. I was making minimum wage and brought in $112 each week and thought that I was rich...RICH!!!

My sisters and I are given a new packet every 5 years or so. Inside is a packet of information relating to our parents' banking information, keys to the house, legal information, birth certificates, VA stuff, etc... We all know where Mom's budget book is kept so that we can step in and take care of their few monthly bills.


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## emdeengee (Apr 20, 2010)

This is part of an article by my favourite financial advisor, Gail Vaz-Oxlade. I used these tips when I needed to talk to my Mom.

*Aging Parents - Talking about the money*
We often get involved in our parents' financial lives when we begin to worry about little things falling through the cracks. It starts simply enough: arranging for automatic payment of expenses such as utility and insurance bills, or for the direct deposit of pension and benefit checks. Sometimes it means setting up a joint account with on-line or telephone banking privileges so we can do a quick check to make sure everything in the account is going smoothly (no overdrafts!).

Over time, as our parents' physical and mental health becomes more of an issue, we begin to worry that our parents' affairs are in order, and that we will be able to step in, should that be required. Sometimes a serious accident or severe illness can force us into our parents' financial lives. Sadly, we find that we have no idea where all the important stuff is - the money, the investments, the insurance, the safety deposit box, the will, the powers of attorney - so we must scramble to find them just when we're also scrambling to cope with a parent's death or disability.

You've got to talk about this stuff with your folks. If you don't take care of business, the long-term repercussions can be very serious. A case in point: It is vital that your parents execute a will and powers of attorney if they have not already done so. Without them, your parents will have lost their ability to name a trusted representative to be in control of their affairs. Even if you have joint ownership of assets such as a home with your parent, you won't be able to make changes until someone is appointed to represent your parent's interest.

Just beginning this discussion means facing difficult issues such as death or incapacitation. People are hugely resistant to talking openly about them. For parents who are reluctant to sign documents that they feel reduces their personal control over their finances, and even their lives, suggest the naming of two children (or a child and lawyer or accountant) to act on their behalf. The two parties named then act as a check on each other. And the power of attorney can be left with a third party with specific instructions as to its release. As well, it can be limited in terms of the specific time period or specific acts.

Don't minimize your parent's need for a sense of personal control. And don't confuse physically frailty with mental incapacity. A high-powered executive used to controlling his environment will push back hard. It'll be exhausting. And you'll have to put limits on running around at his demand. Being old doesn't mean your parents will suddenly turn into docile lambs, so brace yourself. A strong parent remains a strong parent.

Give aging relatives as much control and involvement in financial decisions as possible. If you must assume full responsibility for a relative's finances, continue to share information with other family members. You might even want to consider family meetings to discuss finances, just to keep everyone current on spending and income.

Reluctant to talk with your parents about financial topics? Welcome to the club. One study showed that 35 percent of people agreed to the statement, "I avoid discussions about money matters with my family." But there's real danger in not knowing. If you're out of the loop on your parents' financial status, it's hard to know what type of care would be affordable if they have an accident or get ill.

Parents unwilling to talk to you? You might choose to use a friend's death as a place to start talking about the "what ifs." Or the death of a celebrity may provide an opening. You might also use your own financial review to ask for parental advice and begin the discussion.

Still feeling icky? You're not prying. You don't need to know what's in the will, just where it is. You don't need to know how much insurance, just where it's kept. By becoming informed about where all the financial stuff is, and by talking about how your parents would want matters handled if they couldn't do it themselves, you'll be able to take care of them in the way they would want.

*Your Approach*
Approach your parent practically and in a non-intimidating environment.

Know that you may have to suggest a discussion several times, or take small steps toward a full disclosure.

Parents reluctant to talk to you specifically? Offer to help in finding a professional advisor and back out once they're in good hands.

If you find stuff you just weren't prepared for: unpaid bills, misplaced documents, unfiled tax returns, don't panic and don't blame. The job at hand is to fix the problems.

Don't judge your parents' choices. So what if your mother has $30,000 sitting in a savings account earning .25 percent in interest. That's her choice. Remember, it's her money. You might make suggestions for changes, but the decision should still be hers.

*What You Need To Know*
You need to know where to find personal and financial documents in the event of an emergency. Find out:

where they bank
where their investments are held
who their advisors (accountant, lawyer, broker, financial planners) are
where the will is kept and who the executor is
where other legal documents such as powers of attorney are kept


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