# More on brother Rob's cancer.



## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

Last check up he had bone cancer which caused a weak Pelvis and a break. They operated in November and glued it back together. They also found cancer had gotten to his brain, they finished Chemo a week ago today and were going to do radation (I am guessing bone only.) starting the 26th. 


His wife said he had given up when the chemo ended and didn't go into any details other than he has stopped e mailing friends and family Also refuseing to talk to any one on the phone. 


Yesterday my sister called and talked to Kare said brother was in extreame pain and couldn't walk. Said at the local Hospital they did exrays and found both side of the pelvis had breaks now. they couldn't deal with it with what they have so sent home to a Hospital in Grand Rapids MI about 3 hours from home i am guessing.


Sister was not sure which hospital they sent him to so I need to find that out. I believe it is best I pay him a visit before it is to late.

Just lost a friend to cancer in December I was planing on visiting in thre spring. I should have went earlier as I never got to say good bye to him.


 Al


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## Alice In TX/MO (May 10, 2002)

My sympathy is with you and your family. Huggs.


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## robin416 (Dec 29, 2019)

Al, I went through this with my husband so I know the agony everyone is experiencing over his diagnosis and current condition.

If you go be prepared for him not to want to see you. Since he's refusing to communicate with everyone at this stage he could very well refuse to see you. Be there for his wife, she needs you and the emotional support you can give her. My own refused to see his family when he reached end stage. Not because he was in a bad place but he didn't want them to remember him as he was at the end. 

I'm sorry just does not seem to be enough.


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## Irish Pixie (May 14, 2002)

I'm truly sorry, Al.


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## dorner (Oct 30, 2012)

Al, I am sorry for you and your family. I agree with Robin, if your brother won't see you, be there for his wife.


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## IMFoghorn (Jan 28, 2012)

Very sad news Al. Stay safe on your trip.


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

So sorry you got this dire news. Prayers for your family.


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## Witch's Broom (Dec 23, 2017)

AY. My heart goes out to you, and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

All too often when those who are sick or have passed that were close to us, we put our own needs last, so do try and stay strong and take things one day at a time.


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## mzgarden (Mar 16, 2012)

Difficult times for everyone in your family. I'm truly sorry.


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## Hiro (Feb 14, 2016)

Best wishes for all. And, as others have mentioned, don't take it personally if he doesn't want to see you. Everyone facing death has their own way and often their way is to spare others from the pain of seeing them in pain.


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## MichaelZ (May 21, 2013)

I am sorry to hear about your brother. I wish you the best.


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## thesedays (Feb 25, 2011)

I didn't like your post because I liked what you said, but because I wanted to give you my support.


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## wdcutrsdaughter (Dec 9, 2012)

So sorry Al. Hope he can find some respite from the pain. Sending love.


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

My uncle and bio father both refused to see anyone in their last stages of cancer. It's common for people to close themselves off and just sit and do nothing.

Hubbys mom was just diagnosed with stage 4 bladder cancer that has metastasized as well as severe kidney disease. It's very difficult on all involved.

Ask your sister in law if your brother objects to a short visit. If he doesn't, then go see him.


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## Irish Pixie (May 14, 2002)

Danaus29 said:


> My uncle and bio father both refused to see anyone in their last stages of cancer. It's common for people to close themselves off and just sit and do nothing.
> 
> Hubbys mom was just diagnosed with stage 4 bladder cancer that has metastasized as well as severe kidney disease. It's very difficult on all involved.
> 
> Ask your sister in law if your brother objects to a short visit. If he doesn't, then go see him.


Cancer is such an ugly disease. Thinking good thoughts for all involved.


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

Crazy mess hard to get any information from the hospital, local ones have visiting restrictions because of th flu and a resptory thing going around.

They wouldn't even tell that little bit. Sisterbeing a preachers wife and being a pushy person, finally got us both on the list yesterday to get information from his nurses and others. 

they gave him radiation Wednesday afternoon, Thursday and again Friday. had him on morphine for pain. then I got a text from him late Friday afternoon they were releaseing him.

Said should be home by 6PM. gave him some steroids Setting up Physcal Therphy near his hme did nothing about the broken pelvis saying not much that could be done due to the cancer.

Sister called last evening said they were home and he was in need of a ramp into the house.

I got bitchy then and said all his friends from the VFW post he thought so highly of and the church people where he went should all get together and build one in a couple days. OH wait the ground uop there is frozen so they couldn't set any post for support.

Any way he is hime now again so I will set up a time with him and his wife when I can visit.


 Al


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## robin416 (Dec 29, 2019)

I'm glad he's home. What I don't understand is why the radiation? I know you don't know but at this point it just seems to be one more misery added to his long list. 

Unless a pelvis is dislocated they usually don't do anything with them. His bones are so brittle now they wouldn't be able to do anything that didn't cause him more harm.

There has to be a way to do something about a ramp into and out of the house until the ground thaws. This probably needs to be resolved soon. Even though we bought this house for its lack of steps there is still one leading into the house, my husband struggled a lot to make that one step. I can't imagine what it would be like for someone with multiple steps.


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

I didn't under stand the radation either?

In september when the first crack in the pelvis was found they worked a tube in there and glued it.
Breaks are in different areas now maybe they couldn't run the tube in there?

 Al


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## ladytoysdream (Dec 13, 2008)

A older family member has a flat ramp that is metal. Does not take up much space.
The family is borrowing it from some place and when he no longer needs it, it will go
back and someone else will get to use it.

We just lost a good friend to cancer this week. Very sad. We go back over
40 years. Lots of memories. Cancer is so cruel.

Al, the quicker you get to see him, the better. Share some old memories.


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## robin416 (Dec 29, 2019)

alleyyooper said:


> I didn't under stand the radation either?
> 
> In september when the first crack in the pelvis was found they worked a tube in there and glued it.
> Breaks are in different areas now maybe they couldn't run the tube in there?
> ...


They offered to do that same procedure for hubs when he had a vertebra collapse. He opted to not have it done. 

My guess, and it's only a guess, is that due to brittleness they would just be putting him through a procedure that is of no real benefit.


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## Alice In TX/MO (May 10, 2002)

Radiation can reduce pain by stopping or slowing the cancer’s progression. 

Y’all are in my prayers.


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## crehberg (Mar 16, 2008)

Prayers and well wishes for all of y'all Al.


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

We were given the option of chemo or radiation for my mother in law. Hubby and I both know cancer survivors who would never again endure the treatment, especially at an advanced age. Treatment can prolong life but there is a cost. We all agreed to let mom go without the burden and expense of treatment. But the patient has the right to chose if they want treatment or not.


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

My brother is 2 years younger than me by 3 days so is only 71. I guess some would call that advanced years.
It is his choice to do radation and chemo both.

My farther in law was a old timer with the belief that radation broke up the cancer and spread it thru thr body even more and would not allow them to do it to him.

 Al


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## robin416 (Dec 29, 2019)

It is his choice. Some docs don't make that clear though that they can refuse treatment. Even though I wanted my husband around until we were old and were decrepit it was his choice to carry on with treatment. I always asked what he wanted to do.


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

I don't consider 71 to be advanced age. Pop's dad had the whole shebang at 80 something years old. Although 90 is pretty advanced, IMO. It all depends on what the patient wants and how much they can understand what is involved and the side effects.


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

Iam not sure where Robs mind is as he has cancer on the brain also and has not replyed to any of my attempts to talk with him.

Not even answering he phone and stopped e mailing me about a month ago.

 Al


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## robin416 (Dec 29, 2019)

You're describing what my husband went through. I can't even tell you in how many ways things began to slide as the lesions grew in his brain. He didn't know how to answer the phone. And if I gave it to him he was unable to carry on a conversation. 

The one thing I hoped is that he did not recognize what was happening to him.


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## Cornhusker (Mar 20, 2003)

Al
My opinion is that you should go see your brother whether he wants you to or not.
Tell him you love him.
That's about all we can take into whatever awaits us after this life.
Prayers for all of you.


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## alida (Feb 8, 2015)

Cornhusker said:


> Al
> My opinion is that you should go see your brother whether he wants you to or not.
> Tell him you love him.
> That's about all we can take into whatever awaits us after this life.
> Prayers for all of you.


I agree. When my mother's cancer came back it was in her brain too and the person that was, wasn't anymore. However when two of her oldest friends came for a visit she was so happy to see them. Please make the visit;if your brother doesn't recognize you so be it but he may surprise you. My mother couldn't talk on the phone anymore either, she could hear the words but something in her brain didn't make the connection between the words and a actual person. Brain cancer can work that way.


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## robin416 (Dec 29, 2019)

You described it very well, Alida.


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

Al, go visit him. If he has a favorite book you can read to him or just talk about the old times. 
Mother in law can't follow a phone conversation but she enjoys visitors and likes to talk. We may have the same conversation 5 times in an hour but she enjoys the company. Besides, having someone else for her to talk to allows her other son (the caretaker) to have a bit of a break to do laundry or dishes or rest.


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## Cornhusker (Mar 20, 2003)

alida said:


> I agree. When my mother's cancer came back it was in her brain too and the person that was, wasn't anymore. However when two of her oldest friends came for a visit she was so happy to see them. Please make the visit;if your brother doesn't recognize you so be it but he may surprise you. My mother couldn't talk on the phone anymore either, she could hear the words but something in her brain didn't make the connection between the words and a actual person. Brain cancer can work that way.


When my grandpa was dying of a brain tumor, my brother and I went to see him.
He couldn't talk, and spent most of his time asleep, but when he opened his eyes and saw us, he was so happy his eyes actually twinkled, and had the biggest smile I ever saw on him.
He squeezed our hands and I know he was telling us he loved us.
That was the last time I saw him, and I'm glad I did.


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## Grey Mare (Jun 28, 2013)

I am truly sorry to hear this...love him and let him know you do. Allow him to grieve as that is what he is doing at this moment...hugs to you as well.


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## Elevenpoint (Nov 17, 2009)

Only time I saw my dad cry was when his brother died, his brother lived in another state. About the age you and your brother are, my dad died a few years later.
My dad and I sat at his kitchen table, drinking whiskey, while he told me about their life as brothers, most about as kids growing up.


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

Sister sent an E mail this morning said Brother was in church Sunday and is looseing his hair a huge change in a week.

she had no Idea when he was not going for treatments or therphy either. Didn't think it a good Idea to just drive the 3 hours up there and hope he was home.


 Al


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

Those 3 hour drives get to you quick. We have a 3 hour, one way, trip to see hubby's mom. 3 hours if we don't stop, have good roads and go a bit above the speed limit. I always have to stop. I just can't handle being in the car that long.

Doctor appointments are overwhelming at the beginning. It seems that is the only place you go is the doctor or hospital.


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## robin416 (Dec 29, 2019)

alleyyooper said:


> Sister sent an E mail this morning said Brother was in church Sunday and is looseing his hair a huge change in a week.
> 
> she had no Idea when he was not going for treatments or therphy either. Didn't think it a good Idea to just drive the 3 hours up there and hope he was home.
> 
> ...


Al, having been there I can tell you what is possible. You can go to see him even if he's at the hospital getting treatments. The hospitals my husband was in were very accomodating to those that came from out of town.

Hubs decided to have his head shaved. He said the itch when he began to lose his hair was driving him nuts.


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

If he doesn't have a schedule, he doesn't know where his brother will be or when he will be there. About the only thing you can do then is call in the morning and ask if he has anything going on that day.

Al, does your brother still drive himself to his appointments?


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## robin416 (Dec 29, 2019)

Danaus29 said:


> If he doesn't have a schedule, he doesn't know where his brother will be or when he will be there. About the only thing you can do then is call in the morning and ask if he has anything going on that day.
> 
> Al, does your brother still drive himself to his appointments?


He has a schedule for when he's going for treatments. Believe me, I've got plenty of experience with the chemo and radiation treatment schedules. There is also the weekend. There are no treatments on the weekends.


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

Al doesn't know the schedule, in the post you quoted he said the wife doesn't know the schedule. And yes, treatments are done on weekends, if necessary, as determined by the needs of the patient.


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## robin416 (Dec 29, 2019)

If the wife doesn't know it's because it's a new round and the full schedule has not been determined yet.

The only time I saw TX's being done was on the weekend when hospitalized. On the weekends the TX center in the hospital clinic was closed.


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

This is a new round of treatment and to also throw in the therphy he is doing.

Brother finlly answered my E mail sent Monday since he doesn;t talk on the phone any longer nor much to people in person. His vioce was greatly effect with the last round of esophagus cancer he was being treated for in Sept.

He said:::
*Yes I am home but have treatment until the first Friday in March. Late in the day. Try and make arrangements later.
*
Kares dad also had treatments on Saturdays. Like my brother it was/is being done at a private Cancer treatment center seprate from any hospital.

 Al


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

Just keep texting him for now. I am willing to bet he enjoys reading your texts even if he doesn't answer right away.


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

I can only text people with an apple I phone, tablet, lap top of desk top computer.

So any one with no apple stuff can't get a text from me.

 Al


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

Apple to apple? 

Email then, since he got the other one. Just let him know you are thinking of him.


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

Yup way my lap top works only apple to apple.

I have let him know we are thinking of him.
Ask questions? Remember skunk going nuts when you dove under the water.



 Al


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

Sounds like a good story. I bet it brought a smile to his face.


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

Yup bet it did to. He and skunk were bonded special.

We had went down to the lake for some thing our other right after Rob had gotten her. 
Decided to go for a swim and she wouldn't join him even though he kept trying to call her in. 

But he dove under and she was in the water looking for him.

 Al


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## kinnb (Oct 23, 2011)

late to this, Al, it's rough for sure, and lots of thoughts from my pack to all of you...


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

Thank you very much.


 Al


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

*Robert*
11:54 AM (4 hours ago)
















to me














Just got home from oncologists not good news. Right now chemo is out. They have suggested I contact hospice. My cancer is stage 4 in all area's. You talk to Joan and make arrangements for us to have a family meeting/gathering.


 Al


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## robin416 (Dec 29, 2019)

I know how much you don't want to do this. But he's asked you to. There is no part of this that is going to be easy for any of you. 

The day the doc said the chemo wasn't working was a devastating day for me. The cancer had eaten into my husband's brain to the point I don't think he knew what that meant. I can hope he didn't. Rob knows and that stinks.


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

Already have the ball rolling on that. The preachers wife and our sister cn't hardly say No can she?

 Al


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## Lisa in WA (Oct 11, 2004)

I’m so sorry.


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## kinnb (Oct 23, 2011)

sending peace in the process....


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## light rain (Jan 14, 2013)

alleyyooper said:


> Already have the ball rolling on that. The preachers wife and our sister cn't hardly say No can she?
> 
> Al


Thinking of you and your loved ones.


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

I am so very sorry to hear the prognosis.


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## IMFoghorn (Jan 28, 2012)

This is very sad news. Peace for strength for you and your family.


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

I will get along with my life. Went thru sepration nearly 40 years ago when we no longer lived together, hunted together, fished together, snowmobile together, rode dirt bikes together and worked the same place.

Just want to set a bit and share memories laugh at pictures and more.

Thank you every one.

 Al


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## Irish Pixie (May 14, 2002)

I'm glad you have wonderful memories to sustain during this, Al. Enjoy them.


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## Cornhusker (Mar 20, 2003)

Al,
Sorry to hear your brother isn't doing well.
I'm glad you are going to share some memories with him, I think that's important for both of you.


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

Working on a meeting so far Friday will be it. Trying to get the Baby sister to come also, she only lives about a mile from him though.

From our spring dinner meeting half way for all of us. Rob on the left, Joan oldest sister in th emiddle and the old fat guy is me.










 Al


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## robin416 (Dec 29, 2019)

Good looking family. You all have those good memories, cherish them. Even though there are hours of seperation you still found ways to get together.


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## Robotron (Mar 25, 2012)

Support the brother, support the family, but make sure you are taking care of yourself. It’s easy to lose oneself with this. They need you to help of them and that means healthy as can be. It’s not going to be easy, I know I broached this subject with my kids. They need to get a plan together for when I’m not here. Mine is still remission but now down with pneumonia. It never seems to stop. Hang in Al, I think both of us are in for some bumpy rides.


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## crehberg (Mar 16, 2008)

Al, we'll be thinking of you and keeping you in our prayers along with your family my friend.


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## georger (Sep 15, 2003)

Sorry to hear of this. There’s no good in Cancer.


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## alida (Feb 8, 2015)

I'm glad you're getting together Friday; it sounds like you'll all have a good time talking and remembering - and hopefully laughing at some of the stories too!


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

Fridays Meeting was changed to Monday, Brother had some thing he felt more inportant to do.

Was to happen this coming Monday, Sister Joan calls this morning and says Monday is off he made an appointment to sign closeing papers on his home.

Ticked me off so I said tell him I will see him in his casket with a good by. 

She said to wait a bit she thought it may be him trying to call. I hung up and ate breakfast She called back before I finished and asked how does Friday the 13th sound.
I said if he remembers he has this meeting then that will be fine. Hung up started to get ready to go take care of my kids. Blowing snow and rain coming down so we will have to play fetch in the barn I guess.

Ihave my hand on the door handle and the phone rings pause and it is my sister again and said Monday is still OK? I say sure that was the plan she said the pepers would not be ready for him to sign Monday.
His Neighbour is buying the place for his son.

 Al


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

I hope you two can get together while he is still feeling feisty.


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## robin416 (Dec 29, 2019)

I don't know what to say. I know it's frustrating for you since it's not a simple drive down the road to see him.


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

I'll see him one way or another, dead or alive.

So many pictures he took when we were doing things because he had bought a nice camera. 
But he is in this on on his Polaris 340 TX snowmobileing in the UP


With a cola at a lunch stop UP snowmobile trip.


With our dad on the left and my self on the right with a big Canada fishing trip Northern. Our camper and my Jeep in the back ground.


With our pet pig peanut butter. Rob on left about 5 or 6, them my self 7 or 8, cousin Jimmy next to me 4 months younger than me, (cancer got him 8 years ago.) his sister Cora and my moms twin sister Emma in back of us.


 Al


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

Ya It happened, My sister Joan did good hosting Rob and my getting together again.
Was sad to see him in so much pain, he had a hard time talking, but did and remembered some of the things we had did together.

Told me he was such a royal pain going to Mom and Dads deer hunting 1968 my first year since getting drafted.

He was whineing the whole 3 hour drive up there he didn't know why he was missing work to go deer hunting as he wouldn't get one he never did.
Just before the folks house I told hiom to just drop me at the farm I had my car there so I could go back to work after I got my buck. 
I sure didn't want to disapoint Donnie Downer and him go into the woods and stumble over a dead buck.

Was really mad and asked when he ever gave any postive though to getting a buck during rifle deer season?
He got a buck opening day for 13 years in a row after that second day the 14th year and back to the first day for 10 more after that.

He is nearly bald now hard to see he was looseing all his hair. tolk us he is not going to do any more chemo, or radiation just wait till the fat lady stops singing.



















Sister Penny in the orange shirt has COPD bad and was on her way home from a doctors appointment. Texed my sister Joan she was going to stop by Joans oldest daughters and play with the babies a little first.

Joan told her to come there and see up for a little.

Been a good while since I had seen her too.

 Al


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## Cornhusker (Mar 20, 2003)

Glad you guys finally got together Al.


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## robin416 (Dec 29, 2019)

It was a good thing you were able to give each other a rough time about the past.


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

I would ask if he remembered some thing, just a no. the older couple from Shepard. He lit up then and said we passed them on the way to Pine stump juction and then we turned off toplay on some trails thru the timber not groomed. We got to Pine Stump and walked in, they waved us to their table where we talked about the 5th wheel trailer he had remodled ro haul their skiroule snowmobiles. they left before us then we had a awfull time passing them.

I would just have to jog his memory a little. Remember Skunk growling at me for wanting to sit in the passanger seat when we were going to go hunting togrether.
that got him started on all the adventures she and he had along with her and I getting sprayed by a skunk.

 Al


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## po boy (Jul 12, 2010)

Al, I am sorry to hear of your brother's illness and hope that you get to share more memories before he passes.

I hope his passing is peaceful.


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

I am glad you got to be together while he could enjoy your visit. Good memories should be shared. 
I am truly sorry to hear about his illnes. Cancer sucks. It slowly sucks the life out of a person. I pray that your brother does not have a lot of pain and discomfort in his final days.


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

I am afraid the bone cancer is causeing him great pain. I watched him yesterday and could see it.

I just hope he can go with out suffering more after he finishes to get his after wishes taken care of..


Do yours now do not wait till the last minute of your life to set up trust write a will apoint a executor to do the thing you have in your will disposed of per your wishes. 


 Al


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## ladytoysdream (Dec 13, 2008)

Glad you were able to get together and make a few more memories.


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## po boy (Jul 12, 2010)

alleyyooper said:


> I am afraid the bone cancer is causeing him great pain. I watched him yesterday and could see it.
> 
> I just hope he can go with out suffering more after he finishes to get his after wishes taken care of..
> 
> ...


Al, does he have morphine??


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

No I don't even think he has an opioid drug for pain. Think he is just useing the over the counter aleve.

 Al


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## Alice In TX/MO (May 10, 2002)

Hospice will help with meds to make him comfortable.


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

Yes I do believe they will. They did my dad when his time came.

 Al


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

Hospice gave hubby's mom morphine toward the end. She had painful bone issues from years of kidney disease. The doctor had her on steroids but hospice switched her to morphine.


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## Irish Pixie (May 14, 2002)

Roxanol (Morphine Sulfate) oral is most often used at end of life.


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