# First date



## TxGypsy

Well I took the plunge and put myself out there on a dating site. After weeding through a lot of still married fellas, I am down to first dates with some that I'm hoping are actually divorced...lol. I have a first date today and another tomorrow. I'm as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs!

Dug out my rollers and have some stuck to my head presently. Going to put on a little bit of mascara, but that's about it. I've decided that they will have to like me for me or I'm just going to move on to the next one.

I'll be texting a girlfriend when I get to the site of the date, midway through the date and when I leave. Any other bits of advice?

Y'all wish me luck!!


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## Doggonedog

Good luck! Listen to your gut, if he (or she) makes you feel uncomfortable leave as soon as possible. You don't have to be polite about it either. 

I hope you have fun.


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## Guest

Do not, under any circumstances, tell anyone your last name or where you live.. Second date can be in another public place .. Until you have his name address and birthday, there is no 3rd date before the background check.. Seriously.. Waaaaaaaaay too many whackos out there and they dont have signs around their necks!!
Mutual friends are always preferred.. Arcticow was thoroughly vetted before he first looked into my eyes..
A girl cannot be too careful..


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## newfieannie

I for one wish ya all the luck in the world TM. just don't do like I did and forget to take one roller out.~Georgia


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## TxGypsy

Yes ma'am Mrs. Lesley.

Oh heck. How do I greet him? Handshake, kiss on the cheek?


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## Doggonedog

bostonlesley said:


> Do not, under any circumstances, tell anyone your last name or where you live.. Second date can be in another public place .. Until you have his name address and birthday, there is no 3rd date before the background check.. Seriously.. Waaaaaaaaay too many whackos out there and they dont have signs around their necks!!
> Mutual friends are always preferred.. Arcticow was thoroughly vetted before he first looked into my eyes..
> A girl cannot be too careful..


If I accept a third date there has been a thorough background check done. I buy the special yearly rate at one of the best online background check sites.  

A woman's safety is most important, but there are many gold diggin' men out there too. And with three marriages under my belt, my advice is always get a pre-nup. My daddy told me when I wanted to marry the first time that "If he truly loves ME he'll sign the paper" and I have never married a man that wouldn't. Of course, I've always insisted on paperwork protecting his assets as well.


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## willow_girl

> If I accept a third date there has been a thorough background check done.


If I accept a third date, there's a pretty good chance that by the end of the evenng, I'll be wearing nothing but a tattoo and a smile! ound:


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## TxGypsy

Once it gets to that point I'd be wearing less.....no tattoos.

Ok. Hair is done. Brushing my teeth and walking out the door. :help:


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## sustainabilly

I don't want to set this thread adrift. So, first and most important is Good Luck TxMex. I hope you have a great time.

Lesley, IIRC you are, or were, working in the corrections system? So maybe you have an inside track to success with background checks. My ex-BIL is a LEO, and he does. But they're not supposed to use the NCIC for anything but official business. 

We tried, with dubious success, to use a BC service at a company I worked for. And, I've had problems with the internet version of a dog and pony show when dealing with other online BC sites; even after due diligence in reading several recommendation articles.

So, what service is good? I've heard (or read) several people say that many times a BC will miss stuff.

Sorry for the thread drift TM. It occurred to me that info like this would be good for people who want to be careful, but don't know how to choose a reputable BC site. 
LOL, like me.


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## Doggonedog

willow_girl said:


> If I accept a third date, there's a pretty good chance that by the end of the evenng, I'll be wearing nothing but a tattoo and a smile! ound:


I prefer to get to know a man before he is allowed to see my exquisite taste in lingerie, or my tattoo. I tend to to date quite a bit, so it just isn't safe or healthy to allow every man that I have a third date with to gaze upon my splendor. I've never met one that did and was satisfied with just one glance though.


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## nehimama

Amanda, you're a lovely, lovely woman, and I wish you the very best. Good for you for taking the plunge! I hope you meet a man worthy of your very best.

(((HUGS)))


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## homefire2007

Good luck, girl!!!


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## Doggonedog

sustainabilly said:


> I don't want to set this thread adrift. So, first and most important is Good Luck TxMex. I hope you have a great time.
> 
> Lesley, IIRC you are, or were, working in the corrections system? So maybe you have an inside track to success with background checks. My ex-BIL is a LEO, and he does. But they're not supposed to use the NCIC for anything but official business.
> 
> We tried, with dubious success, to use a BC service at a company I worked for. And, I've had problems with the internet version of a dog and pony show when dealing with other online BC sites; even after due diligence in reading several recommendation articles.
> 
> So, what service is good? I've heard (or read) several people say that many times a BC will miss stuff.
> 
> Sorry for the thread drift TM. It occurred to me that info like this would be good for people who want to be careful, but don't know how to choose a reputable BC site.
> LOL, like me.


I use Intelius, to be completely honest, the family business pays for it to do employee background checks but no one minds if I run a potential third date through it. I'm the keeper of all records/person that does the hiring at my family's businesses. 

No background/criminal check is perfect but all information helps. I use the marriage and divorce records and criminal/civil records most.


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## RideBarefoot

Have fun, TxMex! I realize you may already be on your date, but handshake first! Keep the "personal space" boundary until you know you want to know him better!

And just for the record, I was vetted by the Secret Service to get onto the White House grounds with a honkin big trailer... we all went "whew" when they passed us through, then thought "crap, what if they don't let us out?"


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## cindilu

Wow Texmex, you sure do go after something if you want it. My hat goes off to you and I am pretty sure I need to take lessons from you on the getting it done. Good luck girl and enjoy yourself. Dates you say, we need details??? :buds:


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## Classof66

When I met my late S/O we were strangers, however he was a local truck driver, and my friend's husband was also and knew him. He said he was the last person he ever expected me to meet, but the guy was OK.

On our first date, we had dinner at a family restaurant and went to see a train derailment.

He passed away 4 years ago this Dec 26. We were together 15 wonderful years.


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## Doggonedog

Classof66 said:


> When I met my late S/O we were strangers, however he was a local truck driver, and my friend's husband was also and knew him. He said he was the last person he ever expected me to meet, but the guy was OK.
> 
> On our first date, we had dinner at a family restaurant and went to see a train derailment.
> 
> He passed away 4 years ago this Dec 26. We were together 15 wonderful years.


I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my first husband to a car accident. We'd only been married 10 months.


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## frogmammy

TxMex said:


> Yes ma'am Mrs. Lesley.
> 
> Oh heck. How do I greet him? Handshake, kiss on the cheek?


I'd shake hands, but then again, I'm not known for my people skills.

Mon (I've been known to end dates that way also)


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## Guest

sustainabilly said:


> I don't want to set this thread adrift. So, first and most important is Good Luck TxMex. I hope you have a great time.
> 
> Lesley, IIRC you are, or were, working in the corrections system? So maybe you have an inside track to success with background checks. My ex-BIL is a LEO, and he does. But they're not supposed to use the NCIC for anything but official business.
> 
> We tried, with dubious success, to use a BC service at a company I worked for. And, I've had problems with the internet version of a dog and pony show when dealing with other online BC sites; even after due diligence in reading several recommendation articles.
> 
> So, what service is good? I've heard (or read) several people say that many times a BC will miss stuff.
> 
> Sorry for the thread drift TM. It occurred to me that info like this would be good for people who want to be careful, but don't know how to choose a reputable BC site.
> LOL, like me.


I have relatives who work for...shall we say, "an organization" LOL..,,the guys who know what you ate for breakfast type of organization...I work in Corrections...have for decades...love it..but there is no way to have a peek at anyone except current offenders...and I have no need to look


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## arcticow

bostonlesley said:


> Do not, under any circumstances, tell anyone your last name or where you live.. Second date can be in another public place .. Until you have his name address and birthday, there is no 3rd date before the background check.. Seriously.. Waaaaaaaaay too many whackos out there and they dont have signs around their necks!!
> Mutual friends are always preferred.. Arcticow was thoroughly vetted before he first looked into my eyes..
> A girl cannot be too careful..


LISTEN to Mother Lesley!!!


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## simi-steading

hhhhhmm..... must be a good date.. was walking out the door around 4, it's almost 10 now... 


Not that we're paying attention or anything..


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## TxGypsy

simi-steading said:


> hhhhhmm..... must be a good date.. was walking out the door around 4, it's almost 10 now...
> 
> 
> Not that we're paying attention or anything..


ROFL! Y'all are great!

I had a very nice evening. He was running late and very flustered. Typical awkwardness when first meeting someone even though we've been talking on the phone. He seems to be a very nice man and we agreed that we'd like to meet again and get to know one another better. Probably going to do a much more casual date next time. Fishing was mentioned. I think we'd both feel more comfortable in overalls and bare feet!

I have another date tomorrow night. Though I met him through a dating site I have actually seen him in person before because of the business he is in. He seems to be a nice fella as well. So I'll see how that goes.

I was always hesitant to make the first move, but I finally said what the heck. Worst they can do is say no or nothing. Kind of figure it is like sales. Generally if you knock on X number of doors....X amount of people will buy the product. So I started sending little hello notes to any fella with a reasonable profile. I got quite a few responses back. I figured men would think I was too forward, but that doesn't seem to be the case. So far so good!


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## FarmboyBill

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
didja give him a peck or a hand shake?


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## FarmboyBill

I don't think I would be to put out if I didn't get either on the first date.


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## TxGypsy

I shook his hand when I met him. Bless his heart, he went to give me a kiss on the cheek goodbye and ended up with a mouth full of hair! I told him I'd wear it up next time. Nothing more awkward than trying to figure out how to end a first date


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## Classof66

If you have Judici on your county or state, you can always look them up is you know the last name.


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## Terri in WV

Well, it sounds like you had a nice time. May you have many more!


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## cindilu

Did ya catch the details? I am pretty sure she is having more and this time with another gentleman. Girl, I really really do need to take lessons from you. I have gotten so scared of men that I won't even talk on the phone with them. Ya, I need to get over that fear, but in the mean time I can live through you and your dates. Fishing, I would go fishing on the next date with said number one guy. Fishing is more much comfortable then dinner movie type of thing.


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## nehimama

:ashamed: I'm so bad! Just couldn't resist! :hammer:


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## Bret

Classof66 said:


> When I met my late S/O we were strangers, however he was a local truck driver, and my friend's husband was also and knew him. He said he was the last person he ever expected me to meet, but the guy was OK.
> 
> On our first date, we had dinner at a family restaurant and went to see a train derailment.
> 
> He passed away 4 years ago this Dec 26. We were together 15 wonderful years.


Not all train wrecks are train wrecks.


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## Oxankle

Tex; when I was looking I never contacted a woman unless she first responded to my POF posting. The woman must choose the man--No man ever prospered by chasing a woman who had shown no interest.

Go ahead, tell them you are out there and would like a chance to look them over.

Now tell us about that second date.
Ox


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## FarmboyBill

Alongside the water might be kinda cold. Might have to snuggle up real tight.


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## Elizabeth

I met my husband here on the forum. We just celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary a few months ago 

But, about that fishing thing-

Our first date was a fishing date. We actually went fishing three or four times the first week. Well, three weeks later we got engaged, and three weeks after that we got married. We haven't been fishing since  

I always accuse him of the ol' bait and switch, lol.


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## Classof66

Bret...This train wreck was on the Illinois Central.

I will say this tho, it was a cheap date.

I could not walk much as my dog had bit me a few days before and I had stitches and a really messed up ankle.


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## TxGypsy

LOL @ bait and switch!!!

Well I've got my clothes laid out and rollers in my hair again. Unfortunately it is dripping rain outside and the chances of there being curls in my hair once I get there is pretty much zero. May leave the rollers in until I'm nearly there.

Gals you gotta put yourselves out there. If I can manage to do it, y'all sure can! Wasn't getting anywhere sitting here behind the gate wringing my hands. I'm not expecting to meet Mr. Right immediately. I plan on being danged picky. 

Possible next date lined up for Saturday night


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## homefire2007

You are such an inspiration! I haven't bought clothes, make-up or really updated my hairstyle in ten years. Yesterday, I bought three brand-new outfits. some make-up and updated my hair. What a revelation. It felt so good to have some feminine fripperies. And it's done wonders for my confidence and general sense of being a woman...again  Not out to catch a man per se but the possibilities are now being entertained.


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## cindilu

Good for you Homefire, this is so very exciting. I am sure enjoying this thread and hearing all the stories of ya'll getting fixed up and celebrating life.


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## TxGypsy

Good for you Homefire!

A while back I even went an bought me some fancy undies. I made myself throw out all the cotton granny panties. I draw the line at fancy bras. None of those are comfortable. The new drawers are made out of bamboo and I love them! Not only are they lacy and pretty but comfy as well.


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## Bret

You still have time for a tattoo. 

I had ta!


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## TxGypsy

Bret said:


> You still have time for a tattoo.
> 
> I had ta!


Ummmm....NO.

I'll be walking out the door in about 5 minutes. Y'all wish me luck :thumb:


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## homefire2007

Good Luck!!!!!!


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## BlueJeans

Good Luck !!! Have fun !!! We'll keep the porch-light on.


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## Terri in WV

Alone to speed dating! Enjoy yourself.


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## spacecase0

TxMex said:


> Ummmm....NO.
> 
> I'll be walking out the door in about 5 minutes. Y'all wish me luck :thumb:


good luck, and sounds like you are going to find a good one if you keep trying that hard


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## TxGypsy

Could have been much worse. Several red flags were raised, so there won't be a 2nd date. Currently lining up 2nd date with the other fella.

Onwards!


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## Oxankle

Whew; that was close. New fancy panties, makeup, curly hair---if he'd been a nice guy he could have been hurt. 

This next guy had better be careful.
-------------------------------------------------------
Hmmmmm, 
Do they make shorts of that bamboo fabric? 
Ox


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## Doggonedog

TxMex said:


> Could have been much worse. Several red flags were raised, so there won't be a 2nd date. Currently lining up 2nd date with the other fella.
> 
> Onwards!


You have an excellent attitude. My philosophy is date as many men as you possibly can and have fun.


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## TxGypsy

Oxankle said:


> Whew; that was close. New fancy panties, makeup, curly hair---if he'd been a nice guy he could have been hurt.
> 
> This next guy had better be careful.
> -------------------------------------------------------
> Hmmmmm,
> Do they make shorts of that bamboo fabric?
> Ox


LOL....I even put on a bit of barely there pink shiny lip gloss. 

Here ya go.
http://www.amazon.com/Texere-Mens-Athletic-Boxer-Briefs/dp/B00BBGLLNM


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## Oxankle

Not gonna get me into anything that tight. That would be like locking a kid in a closet.

Awww, Foo! I just looked up the bamboo stuff. It is rayon, just made from bamboo rather than trees. 
Well, rayon, as I recall, was pretty slick--it substitutes for silk in a lot of places. A handful of woman in rayon would not be something to pass up.
Ox


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## cindilu

Or go without and just breathe, you cannot get more natural then that. Just sayin.


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## elkhound

*
:buds: :sing:  :facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm:


[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hbHH6Cb4dc[/ame]
*


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## Terri in WV

I'd like to spend a day or two with that granny!


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## Oxankle

Isn't today the second date with the nice guy?


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## TxGypsy

Possibly. Still working out logistics :thumb:


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## FarmChix

Way to put yourself out there TxMex. I admire your ability to do it. While I am married, the prospect of dating someone I don't know terrifies the bajeebees out of me. Guess I watch too many Dateline episodes! If anything were to happen the Hubs, I would be destined to be an old spinster! I laugh at myself--I'm in sales and am around people comfortably all the time. I guess I am just an enigma. Hopefully, all went well with your date. Can't wait to hear about it. The first stages of love are always so exciting.....happy for you, if that is where this is headed.


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## TxGypsy

My life is kind of crazy right now. The one guy can't seem to get his act together enough for a 2nd date though he is interested in me. I thought he was just that nervous/high strung due to it being a first date, but I'm beginning to think that may just be normal for him.

Sooooo the one that I had ruled out and figured I'd not hear from again has been pursuing me. I had a 2nd date with him today and had a very nice time. It seems as though everything conspired against him the other night. I've had days like that. So I'll go out with him a couple more times and see.

I have also had a couple of long time friends express some interest this week. When it rains it pours!!


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## Oxankle

NO, Tex, it is not the rain that brings on the pour. When the flower blooms, the bees arrive. You've shown some interest and the boys are noticing. I'll bet the glow can be spotted a block away.


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## TxGypsy

Oxankle said:


> NO, Tex, it is not the rain that brings on the pour. When the flower blooms, the bees arrive. You've shown some interest and the boys are noticing. I'll bet the glow can be spotted a block away.


Awww that's so sweet! Thanks


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## Laura

Long time friends are interesting!


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## TxGypsy

3rd date....and before y'all ask....no, he has not checked me for tattoos yet 

He's been a gentleman and both of us are content to take it slow. Of course...I haven't cooked for him yet. I have received marriage proposals after cooking up a dinner of fried chicken, mashed taters with lots of butter, corn on the cob, homemade rolls and from scratch apple pie. LOL....gotta be careful with something that powerful.


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## Oxankle

Gotta go wipe the drool off my chin. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes with butter.......the woman is dangerous.


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## willow_girl

> He's been a gentleman and both of us are content to take it slow. Of course...I haven't cooked for him yet. I have received marriage proposals after cooking up a dinner of fried chicken, mashed taters with lots of butter, corn on the cob, homemade rolls and from scratch apple pie. LOL....gotta be careful with something that powerful.


ound: ound: ound:

The coup de grÃ¢ce!


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## Guest

and those red flags which were waving on that first date...??????? I'll play devil's advocate ( cuz I R yur friend).....LOL..your first instinct was that this man had too many of them flying about in the wind...what changed that instinct?


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## TxGypsy

I always try to give folks a 2nd chance. I think that he just had a lot of bad luck come together at once. I'm still keeping an eye on the things I was concerned about. Pretty much he has some less than lovely relatives, which I totally understand about since I have the same problem. I'll send ya a p.m. with details 

I've been wrong about several relationships....including one I was positive was going to lead to marriage. So, I figure the best thing to do is spend lots of time with a person without jumping into the deep end too quickly. 

It would be nice if I or my dog were a better judge of character. My little dog just wallered all over him yesterday. He loves anyone with hands that is willing to pet him!

Ox, when I got that marriage proposal I was using freshly churned butter I'd made earlier that day. LOL....I don't play fair


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## Bret

willow_girl said:


> ound: ound: ound:
> 
> The coup de grÃ¢ce!


Cup of gravy? Yea, that will probably do it.


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## Jade1096

> I have received marriage proposals after cooking up a dinner of fried chicken, mashed taters with lots of butter, corn on the cob, homemade rolls and from scratch apple pie. LOL....gotta be careful with something that powerful.


With great power comes great responsibility.


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## Jade1096

Good luck.

You may have to weed through a lot of unacceptable ones before you find a good one.

I found Manthing on okcupid. We've been together now going on 5 years. (or is it 6?)


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## cindilu

bostonlesley said:


> and those red flags which were waving on that first date...??????? I'll play devil's advocate ( cuz I R yur friend).....LOL..your first instinct was that this man had too many of them flying about in the wind...what changed that instinct?


Lesley, I might be wrong but the date she had with the red flag guy was another guy she went out with. Not the first guy, the first guy seems to be nice, then she went out with another guy who raised a lot of red flags. She is not going out with him again but booked a second date with the first guy. 

Does this sound about right TexMex?? 

And if ya cooked that food for me, I would ask ya to move in and be a room mate. You could have your own little cabin, lol.


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## TxGypsy

Actually Lesley has it correct. The first guy seems to still be very interested but can't get his act together enough to ask me out on a 2nd date. He either has self confidence issues or is so flighty that he can't get it together. Not sure which....maybe a bit of both.

I'm giving the 2nd guy another chance as a big part of the red flags were raised by a family member of his rather than he himself.

The big consistent problem I'm having is that I'm not a drinker. It seems like the rest of the world is.


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## reneedarley

I can follow you on that. Being tee total myself I was surprised at many peoples attitude to me NOT drinking alcohol. I mean, it would be a different story if you were trying to preach what you practise.


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## TxGypsy

The first fella just shot himself in the foot and won't get another chance. He just sent me a huge text message a bit before 5 am this morning. My phone whistles for each text that comes through. Impossible to sleep through 4 whistles! I can't go back to sleep and I am not a happy camper!

Yep, I have gotten the same reaction Renee. I've tried to drink a bit to make it work and I just don't like it. I do not understand putting 'drinks occasionally' on your dating profile when you drink daily! 

I've gone out with the one fella several times to see if the drinking is just an on the weekend sort of thing, but I don't think it is. It is looking like it is back to the drawing board.


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## Laura Zone 5

TX, are you enjoying the 'process'.

When *I* read your posts it seems so 'exhausting'....'time consuming' for a whole lotta nuttin'......
But are you enjoying this process?? Going out, figuring out if they are a thumbs up / thumbs down kinda person?


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## Oxankle

Hang in there kid; there's a good one out there somewhere. 
Ox


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## TxGypsy

Laura Zone 5 said:


> TX, are you enjoying the 'process'.
> 
> When *I* read your posts it seems so 'exhausting'....'time consuming' for a whole lotta nuttin'......
> But are you enjoying this process?? Going out, figuring out if they are a thumbs up / thumbs down kinda person?


No I am not enjoying the process. It's a huge time waster and I don't like wasting time. I really wish I could meet another homesteader. At least we'd have something in common. I suppose lots of folks would enjoy 'the process', but I don't.

Wish I could be content being by myself. Unfortunately I'm just not geared that way. It just feels wrong. This is going to sound wrong..... but it just doesn't feel normal not to have someone to do for. I have trouble motivating myself to do things just for me. I hate cooking for 1. Why bother doing so and so when it is just me, etc.


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## Oxankle

Amen. When the old folk said that man was not made to live alone they knew what they were talking about. I had a good wife--she gave good, clear instructions and I followed them. Now I have another who gives good, clear instruction, and I follow them. LOL
up to a point.


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## Laura Zone 5

TxMex said:


> No I am not enjoying the process. It's a huge time waster and I don't like wasting time. I really wish I could meet another homesteader. At least we'd have something in common. I suppose lots of folks would enjoy 'the process', but I don't.
> 
> Wish I could be content being by myself. Unfortunately I'm just not geared that way. It just feels wrong. This is going to sound wrong..... but it just doesn't feel normal not to have someone to do for. I have trouble motivating myself to do things just for me. I hate cooking for 1. Why bother doing so and so when it is just me, etc.


:yuck::yuck: 
*exhale sigh of relief*
I loathe wasting time.....so.....I thought 'maybe' I was 'reading more' into your posts because of my own biased......
Nope.

I'm in the "learn how to put Laura first" mode. Haven't done that, um, in at least 25 years.....I am hoping once I figure out how to take care of myself first, then others, THEN I will be able to be in a 'healthy / normal' relationship!! 

Tx I hope things work out sooner than later for you!! Thanks for posting your process....I really really appreciate seeing the process!!


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## TxGypsy

LOL....I'm glad someone is getting some good out of this! 

I've had lots of folks tell me that I need to learn how to be happy by myself. Until I reach that level I'll never find happiness, blah, blah, blah. 

I accept (and love myself anyway....see, therapy worked!) that I am simply happier with a mate. Well, not just any mate. I am definitely happier without my ex. 

Not everyone has to be happy by themselves.  Just as not everyone has to be happy with someone. We are all different and what works for one may not work for others. I think for some folks it may be stressful to think that they HAVE to be able to be happy by themselves.

I enjoyed being a wife. Being a good wife gave me a lot of personal satisfaction and fulfillment. 

Just my 2 cents worth. Not aimed at you at all Laura. Your posting just got me to thinking about that and it is something I've been thinking about a lot lately.


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## rkintn

Just having a profile up on an online dating site is a time waster. I live in a very rural area and there aren't a lot of opportunities outside of a bar to meet eligible men. There has to be a better way but I'll be derned if I know what it is.


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## TxGypsy

rkintn said:


> Just having a profile up on an online dating site is a time waster. I live in a very rural area and there aren't a lot of opportunities outside of a bar to meet eligible men. There has to be a better way but I'll be derned if I know what it is.


Yes this!!!!!!

I just don't know another way of meeting someone since I don't get off the farm much.


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## doingitmyself

You ladies do realize the difficulty meeting a good, decent, emotionally available, homestead oriented, without 6 kids from 5 different men kind of women is precisely the same for us men folk right? You in no way have the market cornered in that area. I also think the distance that we are all spread out certainly makes things tougher. 

Some of the higher end matching sites are fairly effective. E Harmony cones to mind. The better ones are not free, or cheap and they require divulging a lot of information. They make you look in yourself, that in itself weeds out the jobless, paranoid, and social whack jobs. I had some success a number of years ago. I would consider using one of these services now, but at this time with dads challenges there honestly is no dating time left.


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## doingitmyself

Thinking about it, its too bad this particular section of the forum is not more single, looking, and available only. It certainly puts the right kind of people together. Well sometimes, on occasion, once in a while, i'm sure it has happened at least once.


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## moldy

I'll say it again: farmersonly.com!

Will you find some losers on there that really don't homestead? Absolutely. 

Could you find a great guy that is amazing, strong, incredibly talented (in many many things!), morally good, and perfect for you? I did.


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## rkintn

doingitmyself said:


> You ladies do realize the difficulty meeting a good, decent, emotionally available, homestead oriented, without 6 kids from 5 different men kind of women is precisely the same for us men folk right? You in no way have the market cornered in that area. I also think the distance that we are all spread out certainly makes things tougher.
> 
> 
> 
> Some of the higher end matching sites are fairly effective. E Harmony cones to mind. The better ones are not free, or cheap and they require divulging a lot of information. They make you look in yourself, that in itself weeds out the jobless, paranoid, and social whack jobs. I had some success a number of years ago. I would consider using one of these services now, but at this time with dads challenges there honestly is no dating time left.



I am well aware that this is a problem for men and women. All I have to do is read a few profiles of the men there to see that. 

The problem I run into is that whether it's a free it not site, the same guys are on both. I would much rather meet guys in person. Dating sites aren't really flattering for any of us. A bad pic or poorly written profile can knock anyone out of the running.


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## sidepasser

Well if you are in a less than urban area, the odds are that you won't find Mr. Right when you are milking a goat on your farm  There just are not that many to choose from (men or women) out in the country.

I liked using the pay sites as it sort of weeded out a lot of "dead" wood  That said, if you do like I did and focus on finding someone as your priority, it seems that it works pretty well. It took me about a year to actually meet Mr. Sidepasser from the time I put finding someone to Priority One on my to do list.

I know that doesn't sound real romantic, but at my age, I don't have a lot of patience to "just wait and hope that the right one will come along while I am at the feed store buying stuff" or at the vet's or at an auction. 

You might take a finer pencil to your profile and state that you do not drink and don't care to meet those that do. That would definitely weed out a few of the "social" drinkers and most of the alcoholics 

Just keep plugging along, you will meet someone that you like. Yes it is time consuming, but anything worth while generally is. I knew by the third date I was going to marry Mr. Sidepasser, it took him a few more dates and a tornado hitting Huntsville to realize he needed to ask me  

Is he perfect? nope. He's opinionated and bull headed sometimes, but then again, I am also. Thankfully we are not usually on the same page at the same time so arguments are few. There is no "perfect" person out there, and I finally figured out that my "needs" list should be shorter than my "wants" list as far as characteristics go. When I eliminated "multimillionaire, horse breeding enthusiast with vast wine cellar and summer home in Italy" my man choices were so much broader. That seemed to do the trick.

Maybe finding a man that likes flowers, enjoys gardening and appreciates good home cooking, doesn't drink, would net someone instead of "must want to homestead". (just putting that out there as most folks have no clue what homesteading is but I guarantee you that the average guy is thinking "oh heck, that sounds like a huge amount of work"..lol..

Keep on keeping on and before you know it, you will have found Mr. TxMex.


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## Laura Zone 5

TxMex said:


> LOL....I'm glad someone is getting some good out of this!
> 
> I've had lots of folks tell me that I need to learn how to be happy by myself. Until I reach that level I'll never find happiness, blah, blah, blah.
> 
> I accept (and love myself anyway....see, therapy worked!) that I am simply happier with a mate. Well, not just any mate. *I am definitely happier without my ex.*


Amen girl!!



> Not everyone has to be happy by themselves. Just as not everyone has to be happy with someone. We are all different and what works for one may not work for others. I think for some folks it may be stressful to think that they HAVE to be able to be happy by themselves.
> 
> I enjoyed being a wife. Being a good wife gave me a lot of personal satisfaction and fulfillment.
> 
> Just my 2 cents worth. Not aimed at you at all Laura. Your posting just got me to thinking about that and it is something I've been thinking about a lot lately.


I totally enjoyed being a wife...and I echo what you said!! 
I loved cooking, keeping house, gardening. 
I was looking forward to having some chickens, maybe goats, for sure a cow.
I loved everything about being 'a wife'....
I was looking forward to the kids flying the nest and the ex and I doing our own thing!
So, that didn't work out......plan B.
Still trying to figure that out. HA HA 
I believe I was Created to be that 'helper'....the completer.
Right now I am not alone, as all 3 kids still live at home....but.....sooner than I care to admit I will be on my own. 
Well me and my little dogs!! (Wizard of Oz reference)

I like meeting folks the 'old fashioned' way...face to face.
Become friends, hang out, etc.
THEN after time, decide if 'next level' is right.
This whole 'dating on line' thing, freaks me out.

I'd LOVE to do a 'speed dating' thing......that looks like a GAS!!

I was not Created to be 'alone'....but.....it is what it is right now.
I don't have to like it, or 'get used to it'....but it's the here and now, so I gotta deal with it!!

Tex, I love your straight forward honest approach. You rock!


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## RideBarefoot

TxMex, another thing that goes along with "drinks occasionally"- I talked to more than one who, after hearing that I absolutely will not tolerate ANY drug use, say "well, I smoke pot sometimes"... but checked the "don't use drugs" box

Argh.


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## Oxankle

Tex, weed out the potheads and the heavy drinkers quickly. Even a light drinker will run thru a lot of dollars quickly. Best indicators are continuous
job history, some accomplishment appropriate to his age, a marketable skill and solid ties to his extended family. \

I was amused by Sidepasser's comment "He's opinionated and bull headed sometimes". For most men that should be "He's opinionated and bull headed." Get used to it...that's the way we're made.


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## cindilu

TxMex said:


> Actually Lesley has it correct. The first guy seems to still be very interested but can't get his act together enough to ask me out on a 2nd date. He either has self confidence issues or is so flighty that he can't get it together. Not sure which....maybe a bit of both.
> 
> I'm giving the 2nd guy another chance as a big part of the red flags were raised by a family member of his rather than he himself.
> 
> The big consistent problem I'm having is that I'm not a drinker. It seems like the rest of the world is.


Oh wow, okay, lol. I guess I need to do a better job of keeping up on all this love life stuff. I seem to be lagging and it is not the first time. Will go back and reread that thread so I can get it right. In the mean time keep up with the good work of dating, hair curlers and putting yourself out there. It WILL pay off in time. All good things will come your way, I am sure of it.


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## cindilu

Dating is hard stuff and hard work I have decided. Hard to find that one person you want to spend the rest of your life with. But for those of you who are putting yourselves out there to find Mr, or Mrs right, my hat goes off to you. We all deserve to be happy and have a companion.


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## FarmboyBill

Wuz u wearing your hat when you typed the above?? lol


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## Ramblin Wreck

moldy said:


> Could you find a great guy that is amazing, strong, incredibly talented (in many many things!), morally good, and perfect for you? I did.


 Yeah, and his pantry ain't bad either...especially after you guys get through canning season.


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## Guest

I wasn't depressed being alone..just felt "wrong" as has been said by others..I loved being "wife" and "mother"..it was my chosen place in the world..without being married, I felt like a jigsaw puzzle missing one piece. 

There is a vast difference between wanting to feel "complete" and ignoring life until you are....life is what is happening today..now..this minute..I always found it helpful to actively seek out "now" stuff...any little thing which made my heart soar...hawks circling a meadow...painting a seascape..listening to Blake Shelton, Pavarotti, and The Rolling Stones at full, window-rattling volume...walking on crackling snow..dreaming page by page over seed catlogues..LOL...
Concentrating on the "now" kept me from making a quest out of dating..something that I had done in the past..not good and I don't recommend it.

The very best advice that I ever received about dating was from Bill002 right here on ST...make it your business to be doing.......doing what feeds your soul...when you are, you will look up one day and see someone else doing the same thing...and "wow"...there you are

Arcticow and I are the one puzzle piece for each other...


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## TxGypsy

Y'all are all such awesome people!



doingitmyself said:


> Thinking about it, its too bad this particular section of the forum is not more single, looking, and available only. It certainly puts the right kind of people together.


I may have said this before and if I haven't I meant to  It would be very helpful to have a little icon that appears next to the name or something of the sort that indicates married or single in this forum! My memory is fairly short to non-existent. I just can't remember who is what unless I know them personally.

Moldy that is where I am on and yes I am a paying member.


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## Guest

RideBarefoot said:


> TxMex, another thing that goes along with "drinks occasionally"- I talked to more than one who, after hearing that I absolutely will not tolerate ANY drug use, say "well, I smoke pot sometimes"... but checked the "don't use drugs" box
> 
> Argh.




Yes, and they can flat out fib about it, too. Even when you ask them to their faces. And clarify that you left your Ex due to chronic weed smoking... I'm just sayin'.


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## malinda

FarmersOnly was a total bust for me. I was on there a grand total of 24 hours before giving up. I'm not really interested in dating guys who are 30 years older than me!

Went out last weekend with a POF guy, he was nice but I doubt there will be a second date.


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## Laura Zone 5

Have you ever went out in a 'pack'.....met up with another pack.......
Finally ONE male (the alpha) breaks away from his pack to approach one female in her pack.
Then the floodgates open....the others followed suit until each one became a pair.
Everyone sat around, had a soda, talked, etc.
Some exchanged phone numbers.....some just said good night.

That was normal when I was a kid!


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## cindilu

Laura, I have thought about putting together just a group of singles to do just that. Go to the movies, out to dinner, just something fun as a group of singles. Not to hook up, but just to hang out and have someone to do something together. 

I am finding that as my youngest son gets older there is less US time and more Me time. I am not into the ME time as it is to quiet. But I am also not into huge groups of people either. A small group would give me company and allow me to come back to my quiet space at the end of the day.


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## FarmboyBill

I have seen MANY girl packs in the last 50yrs. They never separate enough to be hit on, and because of that, the guys never try.

Many girls in a pack feel that there letting their buddies down IF they take on the advances of a guy, as it seems the pack idea was just a reason for all of them to get out and hang out, NOT a reason for one of the bunch top luck out.

IF guys still hang out, id guess it would be in sports bars, where there are few women, many drinks, and the thoughts and convo is all on sports.

In my day when I hung out in a pack, One of them would always when drunk wanna start a fight. I think it make him look good either to us or girls or maybe even himself. I decided I didn't need it and broke off on my own.


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## Oxankle

Cindilu; All the books would have told you that the kids would grow up and move away. Sitting there letting the years roll by until you are old and wrinkled is the wrong move. the kids won't want a single mother with nothing to do but try to tell their wives/husbands how things should be done. Find yourself something or someone to do now. If you are interested, that is. Too many women sit home "for the kids" when it would be far better to have a husband AND the kids. 

Just remember though, when a man enters the house he sits in place of the father--to make him sit silent while children misbehave is stupid, but I've seen women do it.


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## cindilu

I am pretty sure I have my own personal project list lined out for me. Right now I work 12 hours a day five days a week. I also am going to school to get my early childhood education degree. I am also up to my neck in putting together the paper work for a 2,000. grant that I found out turned into a 3,000. grant. Paper work at this point in my life seems to be the name of the game. When I have time I also drive down to my property to try to get work done on that which is slow going because it is long distance. I found the actual house I am going to build and finally got a hard quote on it. I am saying this Ox because I understand what you are trying to tell me but I think I am way past time and it is to late already. I am now old and wrinkled and chubby and not looking like I was when I was younger. I am tired, beyond tired. And I am not sure there is any time left over to date, or even try to find a date. Does that make sense, am I being wrong here?


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## whiterock

Hard to be in a pack when you are the lone wolf.


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## rkintn

Cindi, no one looks like they did when they were younger! Once you get past some of your projects you may change your mind. I go thru periods of time where I don't think dating and whatnot are worth the time and energy. And that's okay! You are a wonderful, beautiful, vibrant woman and any man would be super lucky to have you...when you are ready and not one minute sooner.


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## FarmboyBill

Chuck, That cost my DD her last relationship with what I thought was a wonderful guy, as did everybody else who knew him. Other than the kids, he did have a few faults, but who don't.


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## Terri

It is HARD to be a step parent!


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## doingitmyself

cindilu said:


> I am pretty sure I have my own personal project list lined out for me. Right now I work 12 hours a day five days a week. I also am going to school to get my early childhood education degree. I am also up to my neck in putting together the paper work for a 2,000. grant that I found out turned into a 3,000. grant. Paper work at this point in my life seems to be the name of the game. When I have time I also drive down to my property to try to get work done on that which is slow going because it is long distance. I found the actual house I am going to build and finally got a hard quote on it. I am saying this Ox because I understand what you are trying to tell me but I think I am way past time and it is to late already. I am now old and wrinkled and chubby and not looking like I was when I was younger. I am tired, beyond tired. And I am not sure there is any time left over to date, or even try to find a date. Does that make sense, am I being wrong here?


Cindy, I promise that feeling you have will change in a flash when you have the time and the right guy smiles at you!! As a matter of fact I would wager hard $$$ on that!! Life changes us all, and to be honest that's a good thing. I am not as strong, I have less hair, I carry more weight on belly, and my glasses need to be stronger.... That said i am smarter, wiser, know what i want, and realize I don't have a lifetime to find my mate, I now have less than half a lifetime! LOLOL Makes certain aspects of my life much more worth putting more effort and time into. 

Cindy, you just need a really great, fun weekend date to put the sparkle back in your eyes, some bounce in your step, and a mischievous smile on your lips!!! :thumb: You never lost any of it, you just put it on the shelf for a bit!!!!!


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## cindilu

Or a whole lotta sleep so I can think straight and lose the now very dark circles under my eyes, lol. Or maybe catch up on some much needed house work and yard work. So much that needs to be done and so little time.


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## Oxankle

Cindylu:
I fail to understand the defeatist attitude. "Way past time" is silly---I was 76 when I lost my wife, almost 79 when I married again. 

You seem to have your head on straight, work and goals are big positive features in anyone, man or woman. As for looks, I think most of the men here would find you a pretty hot number. 

But I CAN understand the obstacles--I waited to marry until I could support a wife. That may have been a mistake---many men married when penniless, got thru school on their wife's income. Some then ditched the woman who put them through school. Not my way of doing business.


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## cindilu

Thank you Ox for being positive and lifting up my spirits. I am telling ya sleep. I need sleep and if I could just get caught up I would have my positive outlook again.


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## handymama

Cindilu, I've seen your pics and you are a very beautiful woman. You most certainly do not look old or fat! 
You need to stop being your worst critic and be nice to yourself. Its okay for us all to look in the mirror and see that we have a different body than we once did. We've EARNED every wrinkle and every scar. A perfect body is evidence of a boring and sheltered life, IMO.
PS, my great granny, after being both divorced and widowed, married her third husband at 79, and she got eleven wonderful years with a good man. He was ten years younger than her. I assure you she was not a supermodel. Here she is.


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## cindilu

Well your granny is beautiful, no doubt about it. Yeah, I know, I am telling ya sleep. Maybe then I won't feel so old and cranky, lol.


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## cindilu

Okay okay ya'll. After catching up on house work and sleep this weekend I will give POF another go around and actually try to chat.( uggg) with people. Or maybe catch up on house work, put the tree up, do a ton of paper work and get ready for a state inspection. Oh and Christmas is next weekend and I haven't even started shopping, or decorating, or any thing. Put that on this weekends to do list. Well, maybe I will start the POF thing next weekend, lol.


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## Guest

There's an online thing that for the life of me I can't recall the name..argggggghhhhh!!! People who have similar "likes" sign up and get together as a group for the fun of going out as a group....does anyone know what the name of it is??????


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## sustainabilly

Meet Up


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## Guest

sustainabilly said:


> Meet Up


Thank you !!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## FarmboyBill

funny you don't remember Lesley, as you and I were at one together, and I was at 3 total.


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## sustainabilly

She wasn't asking about an HT homesteader's meet, Bill. The meetup she was wondering about includes groups of people from everywhere and comprises a boatload of different kinds of interests. 

http://www.meetup.com/
Meetup is the world's largest network of local groups. Meetup makes it easy for anyone to organize a local group or find one of the thousands already meeting up face-to-face. More than 9,000 groups get together in local communities each day, each one with the goal of improving themselves or their communities.


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## sidepasser

Cindy, I am 55 and DH is 57 this year. DH had never been married when he met me at 53..lol. 

Give your self a chance. You are very pretty and I bet you have all your teeth  that is a southern thing..

You will find the best man for you when it's time.


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## FarmboyBill

ooops. Sorry bout that


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## WhyNot

Well...I read it all lol.

Good for you TxMex in getting out there! I am proud of you, it takes some gumption. I have tried out most of the major dating sites, even paid for upgrades for a few months with some just to see.

It's a LOT of time...whew! So far I'm still single lol. Been on good dates, bad dates and some that turned into dating for a few weeks until one or both of us realized it's not going to go further and I don't regret it.

Someone on page one said go with your gut, I find that to be true. If the gut says something is wrong, even if it can be explained...it's probably not going to work out. But have fun, enjoy the attention...I find it good in doses.

I would have never thought so but I have finally realized my standards are too high for the majority of people on dating sites to be of real interest to me. But then again, I hold myself to high standards of integrity especially..not everyone has good character and integrity, they haven't grown enough.

Number one on the list is honesty which knocks out 80% of them right off the bat. Some are being honest as far as they know but you have already uncovered the ones that think they are once in a while consumers of alcohol when they really get knee bending drunk three times a week lol.

Over the last five years of on and off profiles on dating sites I can say I learned a lot of things about myself that I probably wouldn't have learned otherwise.


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## RideBarefoot

Word of advice: do NOT post on Craigslist. I made that mistake; my email trash bin would have been a transvestite's dream. Why oh why do people send those pictures?


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## whiterock

Whynot, ain't it funny that you want honesty and so many others don't like it? BTW I'm know for brutal honesty, according to my ex.
Ed


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## WhyNot

I actually find it quite sad, Ed. It's a life I wouldn't want for sure, too much remembering and/or drama when people find out. I have enough to do than to have that in my life whether it comes from me or someone else.


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## bigjon

cindilu,none of us here are as young/unwrinkled/lite as we used to be.at 57 I've discovered I like a nap now and again.stubborn lbs don't leave easy.but too late? good lord I hope not.in the spring i'll start looking for a new life partner,she will need jeans&a big heart.open mind.and like to garden.one other requirement-she's gotta love pickups!just sayin......


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