# Mid-Life Crisis



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Men, I would really appreciate your honest insights.

What makes (what appears to be) a normal man turn into a different person when he gets into his late 30's / 40's?

Story after story I hear the same thing:

He's not the man I married.
He dresses like he's 18 years old.
He's having an affair with a woman 10-25 years YOUNGER than him.
He acts like a child.
He is so irresponsible / makes bad decisions and he was NEVER like this.

3 different people yesterday talked to me about their 'woes' with a 38-48 year old men. 

What makes a family man, church man, job holding, mortgage paying man wake up one day and decide that dressing like he's a teen aged boy / having an affair with a woman young enough to be his own daughter / and destroying his family ...........what makes a man do this?
What's going on in his brain?

I am NOT bashing.........I just don't understand.
I want to understand.


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

Heck, I don't know. My forty year old niece just kicked her husband of 15 years to the curb (her 4th husband we think...and we really liked the first one a lot), bought a new Camaro (and you ought to see the driveway she has to drive that thing down), and is basically worrying my oldest brother and his wife to death. We're also worried about her/their fourteen year old son. He's being very quiet about things. 

For whatever reason some people grow old with grace. Some have to buy the Porsche (or Camaro or $70K loaded truck). I took the middle ground and got a Kubota tractor. Go orange.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Some people go kicking and screaming to the grave. I was one of them. Never quit my job, or kicked the wifie out cause of IT. Just tried to hold onto, and use what I still had that looked youthful. Encouraged wifie to do the same, which helped keep us together OVER THAT. I never went to town on non farm business, that I wasn't dressed to the 9s, looking as young as I could. At farm related events, I looked like Old MacDonald. I knew that one day that is all I would likely look like, but I fought it as long as practical.

You ask why? I don't know, other than afraid of losing something that, once lost, couldn't be gotten back. 

NOW< IF youll tell me why women cut their hair short once there married, Start wearing plads, and stripes instead of solid colors, why there breasts go south a few years after marriage, why they wear loose clothes, Maybe we ll both learn something about each other sex


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## simi-steading (Sep 27, 2012)

Something tells me it has to do with genetics and reproduction and such.. 

Men aren't so much like deer, or wolves, to where the Alpha is kicked to the curb since they aren't as reproductive and able to provide good offspring.. 

OH WAIT.... If you can't fit the part physically, might as well act like you can..


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

I'd post my opinion but I'd get super infractions or banned!  ound:


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

simi steading, who are those people?
Obviously, I live in a cave.....and dont have tv, rarely go to movies, etc


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Falling levels of testosterone freaks many men out, especially if they're married and their wife is peri-menopausal.


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## Jim-mi (May 15, 2002)

Sherry . . those are the Hollywood "image" of what absolutely every one should look like.
Don't you look like her . . . . . . . . . . . . .LOL
At my advanced age I can out do him . . . . . . . . . . . LOL

All this junk TV provides an image that all too many sheeple try to become......


I have no idea who they are.......not a tv watcher........


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## simi-steading (Sep 27, 2012)

sherry in Maine said:


> simi steading, who are those people?
> Obviously, I live in a cave.....and dont have tv, rarely go to movies, etc


Sharon Stone... Not sure who the guy is, but he's obviously a much younger boy toy... A pup as the cougars like to call them... 

What I'm getting at is, no wonder men get freaked out.. the women their age are looking at the younger breeding stock... so need to feel virile and chase after the younger girls.. 

It's all evolution, genetics and natural instinct


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## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

That's probably about the time guys start asking themselves "Is that all there is?"


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

MoonRiver said:


> That's probably about the time guys start asking themselves "Is that all there is?"


I'm sitting on my hands to keep from responding.........


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

Ardie/WI said:


> I'm sitting on my hands to keep from responding.........


Don't hurt yourself!


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Ramblin Wreck said:


> Don't hurt yourself!


[email protected] RW!! 

My uppermost response to Laura's question would be that the men in question are horse's rears. And, dressing like male teenager makes then look ridiculous.

Iffen one of the ladies here are looking at that type of man as date/marriage material, run like the wind.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Dawgs, I remember singing that song after I got married. AND, When it was new, I didn't like it.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

In my business i see this phenomenon a lot. And don't kid yourself it happens to both sexes equally. 

Men and women simply change throughout their lives, ( surgery, injuries, illness, finally growing into themselves) their goals, interests, perception of who they are, what they need, a million different factors change. The problem is many times these people should have never married to start with. How many people think about if their partner will support and nurture changes in their lives in 20, 30, 40 years? Some couples marry for the right reasons, they are the ones we all see at fair, grocery store, bowling alley, or strolling down the walking path hand in hand on obviously still very much in love 20, 30, 40 years later. :thumb:

Some folks just can not, or will not talk or express themselves, that's a huge reason things go south. Other folks are Narcissists, that's obviously not going to work too long for most people. 

Furthermore, In my humble opinion men and women often seek help and advice from the absolutely worst sources. Dysfunctional buddies and gal pals, bartenders, hairstylists, whacked up moms, mean spirited dads, internet forums, or facebook! :buds: What the.....!!! Our parents should be a good source of advice but not all parents were good spouses. If there are problems in a marriage many times its just smoothed over with quick fixes like a VACA or new car, different home, and lord help them a new baby!!! :facepalm:

Rarely does the couple seek couples marriage counseling as counseling is hard, uncomfortable work. Lots of younger people, especially now with a disposable mentality, want quick easy fixes. Sometimes the selfish partner just wants some "strange", :facepalm: what a crock. If that partner simply expressed to his/her spouse the need for varitey or whatever and had worked in the past to nurture an awesome relationship with the spouse most likely they would be more than happy to oblige. 

My last thought is that "cheaters" suck, if it ever happened to them with someone they truly loved, the memory of the pain would keep them from doing that to someone else.


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## Vahomesteaders (Jun 4, 2014)

Well I'm in my mid 30's. Been married 15 years and don't ever plan to change. But statistics show is the woman who changes more. It's the woman who lacks sex drive. It's the woman who hates the rut and wants more out of life and end up having affairs. Men do to but today more women are filing divorce than men airing irreconcilable differences. Meaning he don't like my cooking and can't pick up his socks so i quit.lol


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

MoonRiver said:


> That's probably about the time guys start asking themselves "Is that all there is?"


There's some truth in that. Of course the mystery that is common to all women is not without appeal. When young there's no sense of mortality. The future has no end. There will always be a tomorrow. Some men do not go quietly to the grave. That's putting a very harsh spin on it because it makes it seem like many have given up. That is not the case. There's a comfort in the long known that's delicious on many levels. For the men that enjoy that, a long term partner is everything in every way.

For the woman that is hitched by word or law to someone that can't handle the thought that the days are running out, don't fall into the trap of comparing yourself to the younger woman. We all belong to a cohort with a normal upper and lower range of years. The men looking outside of that range should be pitied if anything. The short term soothing of what is an inability to accept reality is another fact of life. It's youth by association and possibly another, unexpected, subconscious, chance at another child.

When it comes down to it, most of us aren't important to humanity. It's though our children that we may potentially have made an important contribution to the future.


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## Vickie44 (Jul 27, 2010)

Recognizing you own mortality causes attempt at " youthful " behavior. Sometimes it can be endearing .


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

There is recognizing mortality. For some understanding that hopes and aspirations will become dust is negative. What if it's a chance for a merging with Gaia, a term not entirely fitting but close enough to indicate an enormity that transcends anything


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## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

MoonRiver said:


> That's probably about the time guys start asking themselves "Is that all there is?"


I wasn't referring to the wife or girlfriend.

What I meant was at some point, for many people there is a subconscious and maybe a conscious awareness that what you thought your life would be like and what it actually is like are drastically different. How one handles that kind of personal conflict shows the kind of person you are.

My experience happened when I was around 50. I remember playing Peggy Lee singing _Is That All There Is?_ over and over again for about a week.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

i'm a bit older than most of you, and I've seen a lot of this. 

One factor, I think, is character. The way we were brought up, our sense of values and our ability to express affection---all of those things are entwined.

I've never met a man who claimed to be more man than his wife can handle---If foreplay starts at breakfast the day before there is no man who can outlast his wife.
If foreplay starts with a drunken leer no wife even wants her man. I say sex has little to do with the "middle age crisis".

I suspect it has more to do with the realization that "This is what I am, and I don't see much change ahead". Those who don't like what they see do some foolish things. One fellow I know took up jogging and fancy cars, left his wife and children and ultimately lost his job, home, family. 

Most of us go thru this stage; a sense of humor, honest conversation with the spouse, perhaps some change in routine, even a change in life's direction TOGETHER can be the answer. As the Wreck said, a new tractor can do wonders--No man will leave a new tractor.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

I think my midlife crisis was when I realized that SOME of my dreams were NOT going to come true, as life was not going to be long enough to get it all done. For a while I became dissapointed with life.

I think we all hit this point, sooner or later, and that how we react reflects the person that we have become.


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

guessing my midlife crisis came when dh died a few years ago....there wasn't any 'new cars, clothes, boobs, or hairstyles' but there certainly was a lot of re evaluating and stumbling around, trying to be strong.
I realized later that I also went through menopause during that same time; it wasn't traumatic like the commercials lead you to believe. Of course, I had some other stuff on my mind.
I just keep doing what I always do (and yes, I guess I am 'old', but sometimes it is a surprise....but I get over it quickly) I exercise daily, try to be clean, neat, polite and respectful.
Guess the biggest difference is that I dont give a hoot what the opinions of others are anymore....(at least not people I dont love) It's very freeing.

I've never not been interested in lovemaking; yes, when kids are small or there is other 'stuff' that hasn't been resolved, or if you've been treated like dirt, you dont often feel loving or close or special to someone else. 
well, none of this is directly related to subject, but here it is anyway.


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## CountryWannabe (May 31, 2004)

I don't know. I wonder sometimes if there isn't the "Look! I can still do anything!" mindset. Early in marriage, money is often tight, children take up a lot of time and energy, ambitions are either put on hold or at least slowed down. Life can get dull and "same ole, same ole". Do we really let go of the youthful dreams, though? Probably not most of us. Doesn't it feel great to have time to yourself, without a kid throwing a hissy fit or a spouse asking what's for dinner/ have you fixed the bathroom faucet/ where are my grey socks? Or automatically taking control of the remote? Isn't it fun to drive that cute little red convertible? Isn't it flattering when someone we thought way too young shows some interest? (Oh, come on! Be honest)

I also think it is very easy to blame the spouse for all the unrealized ambitions. "If only I hadn't had to stay home and look after the kids/ work the boring job to keep food on the table I could have been XYZ. It's all *their* fault for holding me back" It's difficult to admit - even to ourselves - that we usually go exactly as far as our drive, ambition and talent takes us. 

Mary


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

My reality check was when younger women started holding the door open for me. It wasn't meant to be a conversation starter. At least I didn't make a fool out of myself thinking it was.  

If you really want a wake up call, grow a beard for thirty plus years and then shave it off. You won't believe the mirror.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

So am I hearing from the men correctly that when men get to a certain age, they long for their 'youth' (and all that goes with it; bad decisions, dressing like a tool, skirt chasing, etc) SO instead of looking forward to the golden years with the wife of their youth, they trade in all that is good and right.........for selfish pleasures? And they are willing to lose everything (friends, home, family, wife, children, jobs, etc) to relive their 'glory days'??? Or worse prove "they still got it"??

Is this like menopause for women? Where our chemicals and hormones change?
Does a man's brain just shut off, and all thoughts and impulses come from a more southern region????

I know women can be tools too......that's another thread.

It seems that there is an epidemic of 38-50 year old men losing their minds.


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## sdnapier (Aug 13, 2010)

simi-steading said:


> Something tells me it has to do with genetics and reproduction and such..
> 
> Men aren't so much like deer, or wolves, to where the Alpha is kicked to the curb since they aren't as reproductive and able to provide good offspring..
> 
> OH WAIT.... If you can't fit the part physically, might as well act like you can..


"Those" are not real. People with money will always be able to afford the youthful aka fake look. They will also make you believe they have it all.
Shut out the messages on the TV about how the right car or lipstick or iPhone will make our lives perfect. We need to stay involved with our own lives and learn to enjoy the "seasons"


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Darren; you can get the same wake-up call just looking at the pictures of yourself when you wore the uniform. 

LOL: I have one grandson who looks just as I did at his age. Even the same personality traits. Little toot, twelve years old at the time. Well, one day I said to the boy "Melvin, take a close look at me; this is what you will look like when you are eighty years old"

I got a quick and emphatic denial.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> So am I hearing from the men correctly that when men get to a certain age, they long for their 'youth' (and all that goes with it; bad decisions, dressing like a tool, skirt chasing, etc) SO instead of looking forward to the golden years with the wife of their youth, they trade in all that is good and right.........for selfish pleasures? And they are willing to lose everything (friends, home, family, wife, children, jobs, etc) to relive their 'glory days'??? Or worse prove "they still got it"??
> 
> Is this like menopause for women? Where our chemicals and hormones change?
> Does a man's brain just shut off, and all thoughts and impulses come from a more southern region????
> ...


That's not at all what i read from these replies, but it kind of sounds like that's what you want to hear. :shrug:


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## hawgsquatch (May 11, 2014)

delete.

We are all capable of failure. Some express that failure far more publicly than others. 

What is with women getting all wrinkly and saggy and disinterested...you know about 38-48 years old?

Generalizations always suck.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

No............I do not want to 'read anything a certain way'.
I want to understand.

I have a handful of regulars that are female that pretty much have the same story.
I volunteer with a person who's 44 year old dad is dating a 26 year old female.

((I'm not talking about my situation; that's a whole other topic))

None of the women are physically unattractive.
They all work (1 actually makes more than her ex).
They all have children.
They were all middle class folks.
They all have pretty much the same story. 
The handful of females I am talking about do not; work together, hang out together, go to church together. 
They are perfect strangers to one another, but they all have the same story.

The kid I volunteer with his dad sends him photo's of his latest 'conquest'. 
The kid is in his early 20's. 
The last photo was captioned "no hitting on my new girlfriend" (because she is 26 and he is 44, and his son is the girls age)

I'm a bartender, and it's amazing what folks will reveal to a bartender......but they do.
People come in 3-4 times, and feel comfortable enough to share very personal things.

What I am hearing from different folks, who do not know each other; is the same.

I'm just trying to understand if this is an epidemic of characterless people?
Is this a phyiological thing like menopause 'for men'?

What is happening?


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

> NOW< IF youll tell me why women cut their hair short once there married, Start wearing plads, and stripes instead of solid colors, why there breasts go south a few years after marriage, why they wear loose clothes, Maybe we ll both learn something about each other sex


I don't know why young women cut their hair short, but those in their late 40's and up? 
Hot flashes...long hair sucks during menopause. 
Also, later in life, women seem to not give a rats butt what anyone thinks, and it's easier for them to manage short hair so they do it.
Maybe young women cut their hair after they get married because the only reason they had long hair was to lure a mate. 
Once she has him, she cuts it all off?

Plaids and Stripes?
Child bearing is harder on some ladies than others. It changes and rearranges the body. "Busy prints" hides all that.
OR
They have captured their mate, and they let themselves go and busy prints hide the extra weight?

National Geographic figures? Gravity is Gravity. Ain't nothing you can do about it.
Babies and Gravity.

Loose clothes? Could be they do not want to appear to be 'on the market' to other men. 
Could be they don't like clothes 'touching' their skin (having babies makes one weird about how their clothes fit and feel). 
Extra pounds? 
It's more comfortable, and they are no longer trying to attract a mate?

That's the best I got FBB


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## itsb (Jan 13, 2013)

sherry in Maine said:


> simi steading, who are those people?
> Obviously, I live in a cave.....and dont have tv, rarely go to movies, etc


that's simi and the miss, there in there now work attire getin ready to go out and do chories :banana: lol just kidin


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## hawgsquatch (May 11, 2014)

Laura, 

To seriously answer your question:

I think its a very loud minority. You just don't see the millions of very faithful very satisfied men who stay at home and behave. The guys with the flashy cars and flashy clothes and trophy girls are trying very hard to be noticed. 

I don't figure age into it. Lots of women don't like the way the new age young boys act. They are feminized and don't act like men. I shudder to think what will happen when todays gamer skater boys are forced to put down the IPhone and pick up a rifle and defend a nation. We are pretty much hosed. I have and will continue to date women considerably younger than me as long as they meet my criteria. I don't consider them conquests, I consider them companions. However, my definition of "dating" doesn't include sleeping with anyone I am not married to. Lets call bad behavior bad behavior and not let the age count . I "Look" 25 so if you saw me out with a 25 year-old you would never guess, and thus you would never judge. Does it make a difference that I am 40? Never smoking ,drinking, or doing drugs pays off in the aging department. 

When my ex went through an early menopause she became so different that she dumped me and moved on in an asexual life. Good for her. I like me more when I am not around that kind of negativity.

I also wonder if these women are hanging out at your bar looking for some younger guys as well. I know a few guys who hang out at hotel bars near divorce support group meetings for a reason.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

My bar isn't that kind of 'gin joint'.
2 gals are re married
2 gals are still single.

I agree with you totally on the 'girly men'. Gross.
I look like I am in my early 30's........but I personally could not date anyone in that age bracket......gross lack of life experience and "I have raised all the babies" I wana raise!!


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Laura; could the observations you are making be the result of the sample you see? Hawgsquatch touches upon it. 

Perhaps it is men who hang out at bars who act as you see them---the millions of us who take our leisure elsewhere (fishing, hunting, playing with the wife and kids, travel, etc) may be different. 

Consider this; According to the law of large numbers, a group of ten thousand men who attend church regularly will have fewer thieves, rapists and swindlers among them than will a group of ten thousand men who profess no religion. 

So it may be with men who attend bars---if you study large numbers of them you may find they differ from men who don't attend bars.


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Men, I would really appreciate your honest insights.
> 
> What makes (what appears to be) a normal man turn into a different person when he gets into his late 30's / 40's?
> 
> ...


 
The same sort of factors change a mans attitude as those that turn sexy, sweet and interesting women into insufferable over bearing miserable old crones. They simply grow to be that way  over their life as they feed more negatively from what life has to feed them instead of taking both the good and bad that life dishes up for them to grow in a strong and positive direction.


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## okiemom (May 12, 2002)

I am now 39 and I am starting to see where some of this may come in. I lost my mom last year after taking progressively more and more care of her for 2-3 years. For then year after she died I did very little just the basics. I knew I was grieving and didn't want to do crazy stuff. Afte the year I started to come out of the fog and realized I had lost a year. boys were older and now my oldest is in high school. I have spent so many years care taking for others and being responsible that I now want to have a bit of fun before I die or get to old and the boys are gone. that said I would never mess with my marriage... ever! I do think the ruts can become really deep and we all need to try and keep life fresh.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Shrek said:


> The same sort of factors change a mans attitude as those that turn sexy, sweet and interesting women into insufferable over bearing miserable old crones.
> 
> 
> They simply grow to be that way over their life as they feed more negatively from what life has to feed them instead of taking both the good and bad that life dishes up for them to grow in a strong and positive direction.


Yeah, I have heard plenty of men complain "she never lost the baby weight / she is always on the phone and never cooks and cleans / she's never home, always gone volunteering for this or that / etc."

I've never heard a man say "wow, she's just not the woman I married X amount of years ago; she's always negative and down in the dumps"??

Maybe I misunderstood your comment?


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## hawgsquatch (May 11, 2014)

There is always the "Happy factor" I see women telling each other at that age that they "deserve to be happy." 

I agree, but it aint my job to make you happy. Its your responsibility to find happiness where it exists and stop holding me responsible for your discontent.

I blame it on a society that has grown so decadent that people actually believe that if their lives don't mimic reality TV or a Lifetime movie that there is something wrong.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

OMGosh I wish I could like that 1,000 times.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

LZ5, like you, I've seen this phenomenon in both sexes and I just don't get it. I think the reasons for it are probably as varied as the people who act this way. I saw my dad toss my mom to the side after 23 years of marriage, for a younger, not as attractive woman. A woman who was the polar opposite of my mother. Go figure. It wasn't that my mom was a horrible person (she wasn't) and it wasn't that the other lady was a better person than my mom (she wasn't), it's about my dad's selfishness and unhappiness within himself that destroyed our family. People grow and change and when that growth and change doesn't happen equally, well, then that's when the problems start and they just grow exponentially from there unless there is a lot of open communication.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Oh for crying out loud! For each of one there is the other. Women are just as bad. They deserve each other. Unfortunately, some of us get in the way.


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## Vahomesteaders (Jun 4, 2014)

The reason most marriages fail today is one, they made it so easy to divorce. I think it should go back to the old laws of infidelity/adultery or abuse and make the cost astronomical unless those two criteria are met. And two, men and women not following natural order. Men should work hard and provide for and sacrifice all for the family. Women should work hard at caring for the family and keeping the affairs of the house in order. If we do that there is less friction and less reason for mid life crises.


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

hawgsquatch said:


> There is always the "Happy factor" I see women telling each other at that age that they "deserve to be happy."
> 
> I agree, but it aint my job to make you happy. Its your responsibility to find happiness where it exists and stop holding me responsible for your discontent.
> 
> I blame it on a society that has grown so decadent that people actually believe that if their lives don't mimic reality TV or a Lifetime movie that there is something wrong.


If I could, I would "Like" this three times! That's been my mantra forever.
If you aren't happy, I can't fix that for you. Your happiness is Your responsibility. No one else can be your happiness.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

"If you aren't happy, I can't fix that for you. Your happiness is Your responsibility. No one else can be your happiness."

I can't fully agree with that. It is true to a point, but once a man and woman have promised to love, cherish and obey (the old form of marriage, and it is usually HE who obeys) they each have a responsibility for the other's happiness. 

No man of decent character will neglect the well-being and happiness of his wife--even to the point of changing jobs, locations, lifestyle--so long as her desires do not endanger the welfare of the family. No woman of decent character will ignore the welfare of a husband who is good and kind and loving. 

OK, I know there is always the exception to the rule, but there are millions of such good and faithful and loving couples. 

It goes back to Hawgsquatch's observation--where are you getting the sample from which you draw your conclusions? This forum, for example, would be highly biased toward broken relationships. For every person here with a happy marriage there are probably five or more from dysfunctional matches.


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## sdnapier (Aug 13, 2010)

FarmboyBill said:


> NOW< IF youll tell me why women cut their hair short once there married,


My sister gave me the answer to this one. It's the same reason they often quit wearing earrings and necklacesâ¦babies love to grab them. Have 2 or 3 children and you just get out of the habit of long hair and jewelry. It's simply a practical thing


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

I have heard from countless men that their wives lost interest in sex during or after menopause. 

Maybe by going with a woman 10-15 years younger, he figures he'll at least get a few good years in before this next one peters out on him, too? :teehee:


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## CountryWannabe (May 31, 2004)

willow_girl said:


> I have heard from countless men that their wives lost interest in sex during or after menopause.
> 
> Maybe by going with a woman 10-15 years younger, he figures he'll at least get a few good years in before this next one peters out on him, too? :teehee:


Probably works the other way round, too. I know several "ladies of a certain age" who complain that hubs isn't up to the action any more. I think it's telling that the ED meds are on the top of the pharma companies Best Seller lists.

Maybe a Toy-Boy is a female's equivalent of Viagra?

Mary


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

willow_girl said:


> I have heard from countless men that their wives lost interest in sex during or after menopause.
> 
> Maybe by going with a woman 10-15 years younger, he figures he'll at least get a few good years in before this next one peters out on him, too? :teehee:


As far as I can tell....this is a myth. I've been in 'menopause' for a long time due to a hysterectomy at an early age. Nothing at all wrong with my sex drive. Actually kind of wish I could get it to chill out a bit.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

I am embracing my mid-life crisis. It's a bit like being a teenager again....a bit awkward and uncertain at times. 

After a very long, fairly miserable relationship was finally over, I was finally able to look around and take stock of things since he was no longer occupying all of my physical and emotional energy. 

Wow what a revelation! I no longer spend most of my day doing things for or worrying about other people. I can take time to do things for myself. Amazing! Took a look in the mirror....yikes! While struggling and dealing with life over the last 20 or so years I have let myself go. 

When did freckles start to suspiciously resemble age spots?! Where did that worry line between my brows come from? Is that a wrinkle? Holy smokes....gravity is NOT my friend! I am very grateful to my Grannies genetics....not a grey hair in sight(knock on wood). Thank you Granny!

I'd assume that men start noticing changes in their bodies at about the same time (I'm 43). Teen age girls/early 20's focus on things like makeup and clothes, while young men tend to focus somewhere between their belt buckle and their knees at that age. Soooo I can sort of understand why middle age men act this way. In the last year I have spent more on cosmetics and beauty treatments than I probably have in the rest of my life combined. Those of you that know me in person are probably shocked to find out that I do actually own cosmetics


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Something else just occurred to me. When I hit 40 I became a Mature Woman. I just thought I was mature in my 30's, but I wasn't at this level yet. It may get even more pronounced as I get older. I no longer put up with what I once did. I'm fully self confident and self dependent. 

This is a bit rough on some men's egos. I really, truly do not NEED a man. Generally, younger women think that they do need a man. I think that this may play a role in men wanting much younger women. Men like feeling depended on and they like admiration. They are much more likely to get this from a younger woman than they are someone above the age of 40. 

I am much more likely to go ahead and accomplish something rather than batt my eyelashes at a man and tell him what a big strong manly man he is and that, eyelash batt, I would weally weally like for him to do this, eyelash batt. LOL...now I will likely tell him to grow a set, grow up and move his backside. 

Not trying to be at all offensive. I think men are just hard wired this way.


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## Guest (Sep 7, 2014)

Women lose their sex drive???? LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

Honey, ( she said purposefully), it all depends upon the skills of the man stoking the fire.....


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## Vahomesteaders (Jun 4, 2014)

bostonlesley said:


> Women lose their sex drive???? LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL
> 
> Honey, ( she said purposefully), it all depends upon the skills of the man stoking the fire.....


Or it could be the fire barrel done rusted out. Lol


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

bostonlesley said:


> Women lose their sex drive???? LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL
> 
> Honey, ( she said purposefully), it all depends upon the skills of the man stoking the fire.....



So basically....you are saying....we have a serious lack of skilled workers?! :hysterical::rotfl:


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Matches and Lighter make 'quick' fire.

Carefully selecting the right location; preparing the spot (by removing all other debris, building a fire ring so that you are not careless and destroy the forest with your fire) then seek out the tender sticks, twigs, and leaves... arranging them in such a way that fire can be achieved....then begin working a bigger stick to cause enough friction that the little things ignite; gently fanning those little flames until they are bigger flames.....then slowly adding more and more wood; until you have a roaring fire. 

But hey, why do all that work when you can use 'matches and lighters'? 
True 'outdoors men' know how to make a roaring fire out of the materials in front of them.


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## Vahomesteaders (Jun 4, 2014)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Matches and Lighter make 'quick' fire.
> 
> Carefully selecting the right location; preparing the spot (by removing all other debris, building a fire ring so that you are not careless and destroy the forest with your fire) then seek out the tender sticks, twigs, and leaves... arranging them in such a way that fire can be achieved....then begin working a bigger stick to cause enough friction that the little things ignite; gently fanning those little flames until they are bigger flames.....then slowly adding more and more wood; until you have a roaring fire.
> 
> ...


Definitely have to select the right location. Nothing smells worse than burning trash pile with leftovers in it.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

Oxankle said:


> No man of decent character will neglect the well-being and happiness of his wife--even to the point of changing jobs, locations, lifestyle--so long as her desires do not endanger the welfare of the family. No woman of decent character will ignore the welfare of a husband who is good and kind and loving.


I think the above is what really makes for a lasting marriage. Striving to be attentive to one's partner is what has been lost in recent history. Too many have turned to being self absorbed rather than giving.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

TxMex said:


> Something else just occurred to me. When I hit 40 I became a Mature Woman. I just thought I was mature in my 30's, but I wasn't at this level yet. It may get even more pronounced as I get older. I no longer put up with what I once did. I'm fully self confident and self dependent.


Exactly! And yes, it will get more pronounced as you get older. Just wait until you hit 50!


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> Women lose their sex drive???? LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL
> 
> Honey, ( she said purposefully), it all depends upon the skills of the man stoking the fire....


Mmm, I'm not so sure about that. I've had a couple of those fellas, and they seemed just fine to me! 

Mind you, I didn't say ALL women lose their sex drive at menopause (I sure hope not anyway ... I'm 47) but I've been told that SOME do.

And, yes, some guys peter out, too ... pun intended! ound:


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

hmmmmmmmmm When young I used to start and stoke fires the size of my kitchen range. Maybe it wasn't a wildfire, but it got plenty hot, and things got ta cookin. 

Bout the time I ended up starting those fires, it seemed like I was trying to start a steam engine with the same fire. They wuz old, and they wuz cold, and a fire that size didn't even tickle them LOL

But then we digress to what is called blue humor


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Terri in WV said:


> Exactly! And yes, it will get more pronounced as you get older. Just wait until you hit 50!


Oh wow! Maybe I should come with a warning label to caution men. Not sure there are many that will be able to handle me by 50 if this gets more pronounced


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## Guest (Sep 7, 2014)

TxMex said:


> Oh wow! Maybe I should come with a warning label to caution men. Not sure there are many that will be able to handle me by 50 if this gets more pronounced


Hey...then there are the 60's..


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## Guest (Sep 7, 2014)

Terri in WV said:


> I think the above is what really makes for a lasting marriage. Striving to be attentive to one's partner is what has been lost in recent history. Too many have turned to being self absorbed rather than giving.


My very best advice given to my adult children before their weddings was, wake up every single morning thinking two things..."How do I please God today and what can I do to make my spouse feel loved?"
If BOTH husband and wife do this daily, never will divorce be an issue..


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

^^very well said^^ :clap:


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## Buffy in Dallas (May 10, 2002)

doingitmyself said:


> My last thought is that "cheaters" suck, if it ever happened to them with someone they truly loved, the memory of the pain would keep them from doing that to someone else.


Thats what I thought until I found out that the woman that stole my husband had been cheated on and dumped by her first husband. :hrm: So she goes out and does it to me? :grumble:

Oh, and he ran off just after he turned 50. I guess it scared him.


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## bigjon (Oct 2, 2013)

laura?guess i'll take a shot at explaining .background-married at 22-she came with a little girl.found out after 5yrs she was cheating with old bf.kicked her out for 30days-make up your mind.we had (our) child-now thirty.i've always worked-supported-been there for my wife/family.and yes I cook and help clean my home....But-my biggest complaint is this------I wish I had the woman I married BACK.she doesn't get it.never will.my daughter(I adopted her)asked me 2 days ago why I still put up with her mother?35yrs we've been married.to me it would be cruel given her health,mental and physical to divorce now.mid-life crisis?u can control it/don't let it control u.and yet I wonder-is that all there is?:hrm:


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

In my opinion this is the worst age/generation ever to date in. Times have changed and I dont fit in. I still have morals, values and integritiy, and a awesome sex drive, no man wants that when they can have draaaama......LOL


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

What I lack in morals, values and integrity, I make up for in sex drive! :sing:


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Lesley, I wish someone had told me that the day before I got married. Great advice.

Willow. I bet that you and Mae West would have had a heckuv a run together goin through the men.


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