# Thinking of moving out of my fiance's



## Prismseed (Sep 14, 2009)

Need to vent.

That cat and the dog are driving me bonkers. I haven't been getting any sleep thanks to the cat and getting rid of it isn't an option. I darn near punted it at 1 am this morning when it tried to slip out the house. The miniature pincher while often adorable is constantly up our butts and impossible to house break, not to mention turns into a barking mad dog at the slightest noise outside.

The house is an in town rental(so not worth any major investment to improve) with an invasive tree that is putting up saplings everywhere in a 20 yard radius. Imagine my fury to find that thing leeching my garden beds and sprouting under the concealment of my zucchini and squash. The flowerbeds are a poorly arranged aggravation picked out by her gay landlords from the end of season clearance including a gangly rosebush under the bedroom window that scratches the wall on windy nights. There is mexicans up the street and garbage blows into our yard from theirs (honestly how to people who supposed have so little make so darn much trash!!!). A clam packing plant in the back yard is a constant mechanical drone and a frequent source of spoiled seafood smell. A woodworking place acrossed the street, while a source of free scrap firewood blows wood shaving and sawdust into our yard and threatens to bury the sidewalk. On the corner is a dog park where people bring their dogs and while cute to watch barking dogs all hours of the daylight gets old, especially when the pincher fells like barking.

I love and adore her, I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but not here or with these animals.

At the very least I need a break. Packed up some camping gear and going to go stay on my parent's property. I'm thinking about buying a shed kit and living out of it through the warmer months, at least at my parent's land any work I do will mean something, and not be hindered by landlords.


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## anniew (Dec 12, 2002)

sounds like you need to tell her, not us.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

They make doggie litter boxes now. 

We never intended to sleep with the dog in the bedroom, but he was a rescue dog and he developed separation anxiety so we compromised: the dog bed is next to my bed!

Good luck!


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

This doesn't sound good for the future of this relationship!


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## summerdaze (Jun 11, 2009)

What you described sounds like an absolute hell to me. My roommate has a yappy, high strung little dog that is high pitched, and barks at every little thing too. My cat, is confined to just my room now since she is allergic and yappy dog won't leave him alone. So he's (cat) gotten rather clingy, and although he's pretty good when the lights go out, every once in a while (like this morning) he thinks it's time to get up and party at about 5 am.

Yeah, I think you need to tell her too. Nothing says you have to live with her before the wedding. If you had listed personal things about HER, I would be more concerned. If she's renting, the lease is going to end at some point, so there IS an end in sight.

I think you should have a heart to heart, and begin to plan together about a place in mind for the both of you that would be more peaceful and more accommodating for pets. 
Are any of these things you mentioned bothersome to your girl? I'd see where she's at on all this.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

What future? Those small dogs can live 20 years, and so can some cats....gonna have a WHOLE lotta campin' goin' on! 

Mon


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## Prismseed (Sep 14, 2009)

We have talked and she understands. It's an open lease but finding another place close to her job (beach resort city) is tricky between shortage of land(on the ocean), property value, and allows pets.

The dog has cancer and treatment only adds another 2 years life expectancy tops. The cat is 13, and probably the kind of jerk that will live to break records in his 20s


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## tamarackreg (Mar 13, 2006)

Well, bye!


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## tiffnzacsmom (Jan 26, 2006)

Do her a favor and pack off. Nothing sounds pleasant to you and it isn't likely to change so go off so you can both be happier.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

When I get overwhelmed I go to my happy place......which for me is to walk by a river or creek.
It soothes my soul and I gain perspective on what I have contol over and what I don't .

It sounds to me you need to find your happy place for a bit, then come home and have a heart to heart with your honey.&#9825;


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## Wolf mom (Mar 8, 2005)

Let me see....
Barking collar, crate, close bedroom door, ship dog off to a trainer.

Just reread your post - forget the above...move!


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

well, I could be wrong but I do believe Prism has had some problems with depression over the years and he finally found a woman who would except that and probably wants to keep that relationship going as long as he can. this would drive me bonkers and I don't have any problems. I couldn't take that. I'd be hanging from the chandelier by this time. this stuff could drive him back into depression and worse. jmo but he probably should take a break and go to his parents land in peace and quiet for awhile until things are worked out. ~Georgia


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

Yep,When in doubt, head to Nature and clear the Mechanism.


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

oh you're so right! I can't wait to head out tomorrow. I told my son I would be there at 10:30 but i'll probably be there at 6am to watch the dawn break . I'm so glad I didn't sell it. ~Georgia
.


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

Good for you! I love being outside at dawn to watch and listen to everything wake up.


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

Whew...that's some crazy-makers, f'sure. But the bright side is that they are ALL temporary! Don't forget the temporary-ness of the bad stuff, and keep your eyes focused on better times ahead with the love of your life!

Remember, how you react to the badness is making an impression on HER and may eventually be regarded as too toxic... She apparently dealt with it ok before you showed up.

As you take measures to chill out, reassure your lady that you are NOT rejecting her, maybe invite her to escape with you, if a pet-sitter can be found?

Remember this bad stuff is temporary!



.


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## Prismseed (Sep 14, 2009)

I've talked with her about all of this and we're going over options and trying to find remedies.

Venting here helps put some thoughts into words better(I write better than I talk) not to mention some outside perspective from everyone here could help me 'think outside the box from a different angle'

The cat is on house arrest now. Using a spray bottle when he gets to nagging.

Apprehensive about a shock collar on the dog. Cancer is lymphoma and the glands in her neck are really swollen.

Fiance is visiting her sister for easter and darn do I miss her.

A day at my folk's already helped wonders in clearing my head. Toying with part time living arrangements and switching back and forth to find a balance of the things I need.

Most of these issues are small and trivial on their own, but when they start piling up though it gets trickier to handle them.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Everybody's solution will be different. 

Some people will put their dog in a crate during the nights they can sleep without being woken up: instead I find my dog is as good as gold as long as he can sleep next to my bed at night. My dog would bark in a crate, but some dogs simply go to sleep when they are in a crate. There is no one answer because what works for one dog may not work for another.

You spray the cat with water when he nags: I gently push my cat away when I am working and he nags for affection. My cat HAS learned that when I push him away from me it means "No petting right now" and that nagging will not work. So he quits trying because he knows it is no use.


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## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

One trick I use is to try to determine if this will matter 6 months from now. If it won't, it's not worth getting upset about or worrying about.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Ok sorry cause it's way of topic but what does the clam factory do with the shells ?


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

I feel your pain as far as the punt sized dog. Every mini-pin I've met has been a habitual barker. If I understand dog speak, small dogs seem to constantly say, "Don't step on me!" "Don't step on me!" "Don't step on me!" "Don't step on me!" leading you to the nasty thought of wondering just how far you could drop kick that sucker.

Does having nasty thoughts of mini-pin and toy poodle mayhem invoke bad karma for the next time around? Not good!


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

Darren said:


> If I understand dog speak, small dogs seem to constantly say, "Don't step on me!" "Don't step on me!"


Unless it's a Chihuahua, Then it is "I might be small, but It doesn't mean I won't put you down if I have to", ..and could someone turn the heat up?


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Look, guy....moving out "for the summer" is not a good remedy. It's like saying, "I can't handle it, YOU do it." Whatever happened to the I'll go through anything for you stage of the relationship? I seriously think moving could weaken the relationship you have.

You need to work TOGETHER on this, and together the* two* of you can find solutions and work-arounds.

Mon


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## Fishindude (May 19, 2015)

Too many put animals ahead of people.
If she won't get rid of the dang animals, move out. You can and date if you still want to spend some time with her.


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## thekibblegoddes (Jun 24, 2014)

There is a good reason there is an engagement period before you get married and live together. You are supposed to work all this stuff out BEFORE you get married, and THEN you move in together. Much easier on the emotions and the brain.


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## Echoesechos (Jan 22, 2010)

Instead of a bark collar there is a collar that sprays with a citrus/ lemon smell. My neighbors dog was a terror and that is what worked. Didn't have to have the collar tight to make it work. A spray bottle of water worked for my sister's dog to get it to stop barking. 

Cats are a different matter. They want outside. So make it a critter proof pen it can go into during the warm days outside.. Win win. Expecting someone to give up their pets really is cruel. I don't think you are cruel and maybe taking small breaks is a great solution. I think if you lived where you were happy it might be such a streeser. So make the animals go outside. The pen could be used dually maybe. The critters already live together so pen them up outside together. Might comfort them too.

Would building a large cage outside to big of a job to find peace and a middle ground with beds, perches etc? Think totally enclosed chicken pen. Wood and chicken fence etc..

As to the yapping, that would send me up the wall but spraying it with water every time it started should be a shorter duration job to train it to stop. 

Hang in there.


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## Prismseed (Sep 14, 2009)

AmericanStand said:


> Ok sorry cause it's way of topic but what does the clam factory do with the shells ?


No clue.



> Would building a large cage outside to big of a job to find peace and a middle ground with beds, perches etc? Think totally enclosed chicken pen. Wood and chicken fence etc..


Rental property in town, even a closet sized chicken coup needs a permit(another hassle)



> There is a good reason there is an engagement period before you get married and live together. You are supposed to work all this stuff out BEFORE you get married, and THEN you move in together. Much easier on the emotions and the brain.


It isn't that simple. You can't predict every issue. Sometimes you don't know until you're in the middle of it all.


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## Echoesechos (Jan 22, 2010)

Prismseed said:


> No clue.
> 
> 
> Rental property in town, even a closet sized chicken coup needs a permit(another hassle)
> ...


Even when it's for a dog and cat? Well check I was hoping it might get them and you a break from each other for a couple of hours a day.


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