# People stuff when they go to prison



## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

My daughters boyfriend was arrested on drugs or what ever.I still dont have all the info. What do I do with his stuff that is at my house and in my yard? He has a busted up car here. Bunch of tools in my garage, had started collecting scrap mettle and dropped in my woods. (that happened when I was out of state and didnt notice it). Has stuff stored in my basement ect... I told his father to come get his stuff, but that didnt happen.


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## TripleD (Feb 12, 2011)

How long is he going away for ?


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

I'd just get rid of it forcast. sell it or dump it after you've given his father a stated amount of time to come get it. actually I thought you were talking about Jared Fogel binge eating in prison when I saw the title. yeah I know. I didn't get much sleep last night and none the night before. ~Georgia


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## wr (Aug 10, 2003)

Forcast said:


> My daughters boyfriend was arrested on drugs or what ever.I still dont have all the info. What do I do with his stuff that is at my house and in my yard? He has a busted up car here. Bunch of tools in my garage, had started collecting scrap mettle and dropped in my woods. (that happened when I was out of state and didnt notice it). Has stuff stored in my basement ect... I told his father to come get his stuff, but that didnt happen.


My first concern would be to make sure he hadn't stashed any drugs on your property or in your home. 

You may want to call a lawyer to find out what the proper legal procedure is in situations like this or it may be easier to just box up his personal belongings and drop them off with the father.


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## Lisa in WA (Oct 11, 2004)

How about making your daughter responsible for getting rid of it since she allowed him to bring it into your home and onto your property?


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Is your daughter staying with him? If not then clearly you should dump his stuff with his dad. Call the sheriff about the car and how to legally get it off your property.

If she is going to stay with him then use your daughter as a liaison to tell the bf that he needs to pick few things he wants and the rest needs to go. Then he can contact the his dad or whoever to take his junk.


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## 1948CaseVAI (May 12, 2014)

Give the father a couple of days to remove it and if it doesn't get removed then just have it hauled away to the dump. This happens all the time. When I was on the police department I worked off duty for a guy who made a nice living cleaning out apartments or rental houses of cons who went away. It was at the request of the landlords. He sold anything of value and kept the money, other stuff he trashed. He also got paid by the landlords. The point is when you go to prison you are no longer able to take care of your stuff and no one cares.


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## mnn2501 (Apr 2, 2008)

Why was your daughter going out with a druggie?


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## TnAndy (Sep 15, 2005)

Lot of scrapyards will come pick up the car for scrap value.....I did it all the time as a landlord when people moved and left a vehicle on my property. Same with the scrap metal....run an add on Craig's List, you'll be over run with people that will come get it (just watch them like a hawk...many of them are druggies as well). The rest of the stuff, put out for trash or donate to goodwill. 

The law only requires you to take ordinary care of abandoned property for a very short time. If you notified the father, you've more than satisfied that requirement, now move on to the disposal phase.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

heck, at that age, who isn't a druggie anymore, DANG FEW that live in town. Odds are, sometime in a girls life shes gonna hook up with one. Most girls wade through all the bad boys they can before they think their looks are starting to fade, then they go through the ones they waded through the first time, hoping to find a sucker ready to take the leavings. They usually do, then later divorce him when they get lonesome for the wild life again.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Id tell DD to contact him and ask what to do with the stuff. If he don't know, OR says keep it, Id tell her to tell him it aint staying. Tell her to tell him that his dad hasn't made a move, so her dad is, and that move is to get rid of what YOU DONT WANT.


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## Wolf mom (Mar 8, 2005)

Please, do everything by the book. You never know what kind of "learning" someone will pick up in jail and you don't want anything to come back on you. 

BTW: He's probably in jail not prison - big difference.

Get an abandoned title on the car. Easy to do, then get rid of it. You don't want that to come back on you as auto theft, no matter how decrepit it is.

Tools - if you plan on getting rid of them, make sure you have a paper trail. Registered letter to his dad to get them by a certain date (2 weeks) with consequences if he doesn't. If the kid claims that was his "livelihood" - how he earned his living, he could sue (small claims court) and the possibility you'd be accountable is there.

If he's in jail then goes on probation, find out who his probation officer is and speak to him.


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## wr (Aug 10, 2003)

Wolf mom said:


> Please, do everything by the book. You never know what kind of "learning" someone will pick up in jail and you don't want anything to come back on you.
> 
> BTW: He's probably in jail not prison - big difference.
> 
> ...


Thanks for better clarifying my point.


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## FarmerKat (Jul 3, 2014)

Please do everything by the book for your sake. Your local PD or Sheriff's office should be able to advise you what the proper procedure is without having to pay a lawyer. But you really need to know what the law is.

My DH's former girlfriend left some property at his house. She passed away long before DH and I met. It was nothing too valuable - you can buy the item new for less than $300 and it was several years old. He made attempts to return it to her mother and the mother would not receive it. Thankfully he kept it as 3 or 4 year later(we were married by then), the mother hired a lawyer claiming he stole it. We ended up having to hire a lawyer to protect ourselves. The lawyers arranged a time and place for DH to deliver her daughter's belonging and - to this day - we keep the signed receipt.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

He didn't abandon the stuff he left it in your care. 
Golden Rule time. 
If you were run down in the street and stuck in the hospital for the same amount of time how would you WANT others to treat your stuff. ? 
Treat it like that.


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## wiscto (Nov 24, 2014)

Before you do anything it's probably worth it to consult local officials and/or a lawyer. I'm sure every state has it's own laws. Normally it eventually qualifies as abandoned property, but since he won't be able to collect it, there could be some hoops to jump through.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

FarmboyBill said:


> Id tell DD to contact him and ask what to do with the stuff. If he don't know, OR says keep it, Id tell her to tell him it aint staying. Tell her to tell him that his dad hasn't made a move, so her dad is, and that move is to get rid of what YOU DONT WANT.



He is in jail. Do you expect him to take the weekend off and come move his stuff ?


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## AngieM2 (May 10, 2002)

FarmboyBill said:


> heck, at that age, who isn't a druggie anymore, DANG FEW that live in town. Odds are, sometime in a girls life shes gonna hook up with one. Most girls wade through all the bad boys they can before they think their looks are starting to fade, then they go through the ones they waded through the first time, hoping to find a sucker ready to take the leavings. They usually do, then later divorce him when they get lonesome for the wild life again.


That's really a very sad commentary about the people you know and the outlook shown.

I really hope you are only commenting on those you know. And I hope you are really really wrong.


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## watcher (Sep 4, 2006)

A visit to a lawyer should let you know what to do and how to do it. The odds are you will need to contact him via registered letter saying that he has X number of days to arrange for removal of his property or you will dispose of it.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

If the dad or some other authorized person do not want to pick the stuff up then try to get some money for the stuff to pay you back for all the head ach.

If you can legally scrap the car it is worth it. You could get up to $500 for it. 
Make sure all the tools and the rest of his stuff is not stolen because if you sell it you could charged with selling stolen goods. 

You might have to just give the scrap away to whoever will haul it away. It is better then dumping it yourself. 

What a nightmare. I don't envy you.


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

Thanks all never had any body close to my family in jail. So just dont know what people do. Im not bailing him out thats for sure.


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## wr (Aug 10, 2003)

AngieM2 said:


> That's really a very sad commentary about the people you know and the outlook shown.
> 
> I really hope you are only commenting on those you know. And I hope you are really really wrong.


It could be a regional thing. In Alberta, any woman who turns down a guy's offer to check out the backseat of his jacked up Dodge is obviously a lesbian :rotfl:


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## Declan (Jan 18, 2015)

It varies by state. My state law requires a letter to him and a given number of days to remove it, and after that you can dispose of it however you want. I have known some peopel who have rented a storage unit and paid it for a month or two and sent the letter with the key inside and said, " It is aid through X date. You either need to get it, make arrangements to keep paying it, or your stuff will be sold at an auction for unpaid rents."


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## Bearfootfarm (Jul 13, 2006)

I wouldn't be in a rush to dispose of anything since it appears your daughter gave her implied consent for him to leave items there.

Going to "jail" isn't the same as going to "prison" so don't act without knowing the actual laws for your state, and more precise details about the situation


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## Agriculture (Jun 8, 2015)

I'm not one usually to take chances on things without knowing the specifics of what I'm dealing with, but in a case like this, jail, prison, reform school, whatever the difference is between the various places which those types of people find themselves, it wouldn't really matter to me. I'd take the chance and the stuff would be gone from my property. Like the former cop said, I wouldn't worry too much about this fine upstanding young man finding a lot of support within the legal system when trying to come after me when looking for his stuff after his term of service is complete.


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## AngieM2 (May 10, 2002)

wr said:


> It could be a regional thing. In Alberta, any woman who turns down a guy's offer to check out the backseat of his jacked up Dodge is obviously a lesbian :rotfl:



Sorry about that up there. Around here, it's a lady with morals.


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## Fishindude (May 19, 2015)

I'd sell anything you could, and throw the rest away.
You can sell a junk car you don't have the title to as scrap. I've done it.
I wouldn't worry about any legal repercussions from a jail bird. He left the junk on your property and you are tired of looking at it.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Forcast said:


> My daughters boyfriend was arrested on drugs or what ever.I still dont have all the info.


Get all the information before you make a decision.



> What do I do with his stuff that is at my house and in my yard? He has a busted up car here. Bunch of tools in my garage, had started collecting scrap mettle and dropped in my woods. (that happened when I was out of state and didnt notice it). Has stuff stored in my basement ect... I told his father to come get his stuff, but that didnt happen.


Did you and the boy have an agreement? Where you two shook hands on a deal of him using your property to store his junk?
If so you have to honor that deal, if you want to be known as a 'man of his word".

IF you did NOT give permission:
I am assuming that we are talking about 'adult children' (over 21) so I would go to the daughter, who allowed this to happen on your property w/o your permission and tell her SHE has 30 days to get this junk OFF your property (I would put it in writing and have it notarized). THEN I would change the locks and not allow her on the property until she complied / or explained why things happened the way they did.

Again, assuming she is an adult (over 21) she is free to make her own life choices and if she chooses to waste herself on druggies, drunks, and the like, that's her business. BUT do not bring it onto YOUR property. THE END.

I would get, in writing, how local law enforcement would handle this and I would contact an attorney.
I have always heard "possession is 9/10ths of the law' but I don't know if that is just an old timey saying or true........


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## Irish Pixie (May 14, 2002)

AngieM2 said:


> Sorry about that up there. Around here, it's a lady with morals.


Did you intend for this to sound so "not nice"?


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

It seems like this has been a very not nice thread


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Bearfootfarm said:


> I wouldn't be in a rush to dispose of anything since it appears your daughter gave her implied consent for him to leave items there.
> 
> Going to "jail" isn't the same as going to "prison" so don't act without knowing the actual laws for your state, and more precise details about the situation


Yeah.... Why don't you write him a letter and ask him what he wants done with his stuff? 
He will likely want the money if you sell it. I think it would be worth giving him the money if you could get the junk car gone before weed tree grows into the engine and it falls into a heap of rust.


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## FarmerKat (Jul 3, 2014)

Terri said:


> Yeah.... Why don't you write him a letter and ask him what he wants done with his stuff?
> He will likely want the money if you sell it. I think it would be worth giving him the money if you could get the junk car gone before weed tree grows into the engine and it falls into a heap of rust.


If you go this route, any $$ you make, you should charge that same amount for your clean up effort. I would not send him a dime. But I would just want to properly dispose of it so he cannot claim theft when he gets out.


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

He saw judge yesterday, no bond,no bail he has to sit and wait for court date. My daughter did not go to court for him and talk nice about him like his father wanted. So I guess she decided this is not the man she wants to be around. As far as the stuff, no he and I did not have an agreement to store his stuff. Just kinda happened store a box here and this there. I did talk to Magistrate in my town and he said I can move his stuff thats in my way, but not throw it out till I give him or his family time to collect it. If I dont want him on my property I will need to get a court order costs about $75 . Not the same as a restraining order. I cant think of what it called. But it like a divorce paper between friends. So basically I have to send him a letter in jail and ask him who can pick up his stuff, bag and box his stuff and write it all down. Then send him a signed copy by who ever boxed the stuff and who took the stuff. One of his friends that went to court yesterday said looks like 1-10 years in jail. Thanks for all the ideas.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Can you send a certified letter to his dad and him in jail, stating they have 30 days to get his junk off your property, or you will throw it away?
Get it notarized.
Like an 'eviction' notice?

It may be worth the 75.00 to keep him off your land. 
He's now familiar with you land and home.......that's scary.


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## suitcase_sally (Mar 20, 2006)

mnn2501 said:


> Why was your daughter going out with a druggie?


That's not really your business, now is it?


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## simi-steading (Sep 27, 2012)

Isn't it funny how those who break the laws are the first one to cry about someone breaking them when it effects them?


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

suitcase_sally said:


> That's not really your business, now is it?



Well then. Nothing here is so why have a forum.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

simi-steading said:


> Isn't it funny how those who break the laws are the first one to cry about someone breaking them when it effects them?



Everyone breaks laws so of course they are the first AND the last And everything in between.


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## simi-steading (Sep 27, 2012)

I think you kinda missed my point AS...


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

suitcase_sally said:


> That's not really your business, now is it?


My youngest daughter just would not be put off this man. No matter what. Such is life. She was 18. I have a beautiful grandson from it. But I can say I dont hate a lot of people but this one I do. I bentover backwards to help him get right. Set him up in real good jobs, he messed up every one. Sent him to rehab, he stayed 6 days. So I stopped saving his ass and all it took was 3 weeks for him to get arrested 3 times. This last time he had horin in his car. Monday I hear he will get 1-6 years in jail, then Friday I hear he is getting out this Tuesday. I guess I dont understand our system. I did have someone move all the junk to one location.Looks like he was collecting metal to sell. Daughter gathered all his stored stuff as well so it should be a fast in and out pick up for whoever comes to get it. Its a lot easier if he is not in jail as far as removing his junk. But sure wish they would keep him locked up a long time. I guess I tried to help him for my grandson. But looking back over the last 4 years I was just an enabler. That is hard to except, harder to understand. My own kids never got into drugs or drinking other than smoking weed. One got arrested for paraphernalia I didnt bail him out. Let him figure it out on his own, I stood quietly in the back ground in cause things didnt go well, but I let him take the lead. It worked out well and had no other problems with any of the kids on the drug front. Picking the wrong partners is another thing. But then I didnt do so well myself maybe thats why I tried to fix this young man. My daughter seems to have moved on I guess the last straw was a heavy one. He has lost his apartment because of his arrest. The owner put all this stuff in a storage unit for one month. He pays he can have his stuff back if its done in time. Im not sure how they were able to do that so easy, I was told I had to jump though hoops. Oh well I learned a lesson. Thanks for all your input I really appreciate you thoughts. I know we dont really know each other on this site but it felt like I had friends I could go to and was not alone.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Sorry forecast. You can't fix people. Mostly cause they don't want to be cause truth be told they arnt broken they just have different values than you.


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## Bearfootfarm (Jul 13, 2006)

> Monday I hear he will get 1-6 years in jail, then Friday I hear he is getting out this Tuesday.
> I guess I dont understand our system.


You're confusing "jail" with "prison"

He could be facing a possible 1-6 years in *prison* if convicted.

"Jail" is where they are *temporarily* held until they either get out on bond or are tried in court. 

The terms are often misused but really aren't interchangable


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Where I'm at you can do up to a year in jail. So yes a 1 to 6 could include jail.


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## MDKatie (Dec 13, 2010)

FarmboyBill said:


> heck, at that age, who isn't a druggie anymore, DANG FEW that live in town. Odds are, sometime in a girls life shes gonna hook up with one. Most girls wade through all the bad boys they can before they think their looks are starting to fade, then they go through the ones they waded through the first time, hoping to find a sucker ready to take the leavings. They usually do, then later divorce him when they get lonesome for the wild life again.


:yuck: :facepalm:


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## Bearfootfarm (Jul 13, 2006)

> Originally Posted by FarmboyBill View Post
> heck, at that age, who isn't a druggie anymore, DANG FEW that live in town. Odds are, sometime in a girls life shes gonna hook up with one. Most girls wade through all the bad boys they can before they think their looks are starting to fade, then they go through the ones they waded through the first time, hoping to find a sucker ready to take the leavings. They usually do, then later divorce him when they get lonesome for the wild life again.


That's just sad


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

BFF not being a smarty pants here but I'm curious do you take drugs?
Or have you ?


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## Bearfootfarm (Jul 13, 2006)

AmericanStand said:


> BFF not being a smarty pants here but I'm curious do you take drugs?
> Or have you ?


If you want to discuss me , start a new thread.
This one is about something else


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

Oh you all made me laugh THANKS! No word on how he did today at court "we did Not go".


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## wr (Aug 10, 2003)

Bearfootfarm said:


> If you want to discuss me , start a new thread.
> This one is about something else


It could be continued in the 'who is wr sleeping with' thread.


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## Bearfootfarm (Jul 13, 2006)

wr said:


> It could be continued in the 'who is wr sleeping with' thread.


I'm not sure we should have sex and drugs in one thread.
Things might get out of hand


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## wr (Aug 10, 2003)

Bearfootfarm said:


> I'm not sure we should have sex and drugs in one thread.
> Things might get out of hand


Add some Rock & Roll and it could get interesting.


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## MO_cows (Aug 14, 2010)

Bearfootfarm said:


> I'm not sure we should have sex and drugs in one thread.
> Things might get out of hand


Before you know it there would be rock n roll too.


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## Bearfootfarm (Jul 13, 2006)

wr said:


> Add some Rock & Roll and it could get interesting.





MO_cows said:


> Before you know it there would be rock n roll too.


Well, now my entire life's story has been told, so there's no need for a new thread

:rock:


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## Cornhusker (Mar 20, 2003)

I think I would have got rid of the crap before now
Let him make a junk yard at his own dad's place


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Cornhusker said:


> I think I would have got rid of the crap before now
> 
> Let him make a junk yard at his own dad's place



Why not his own ?

Problem is that the OP allowed it and now has certain legal and moral obligations.


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

I'm hearing this third or fourth hand.! He has till April 19 to find a live in rehab. Has to be a 60 day or more long rehab. He has to be drug tested each day in the rehab if he ---- tests bad he go's back to jail.


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## Elevenpoint (Nov 17, 2009)

Forcast said:


> I'm hearing this third or fourth hand.! He has till April 19 to find a live in rehab. Has to be a 60 day or more long rehab. He has to be drug tested each day in the rehab if he ---- tests bad he go's back to jail.


Plan on that...forced rehab does not work..
Maybe a day where that lifestyle does not work and he finally says....no
Until then....nothing.


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

up date on my drama: boy is still in regional jail, but heard he has a bench warrant out for him from Fredrick Md. So I have know idea what that means when you are already in jail. I dont think he is getting out anytime soon. He has not even tried to call my daughter. Daughter heard this from his father.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

you seriously need to have a talk with your daughter about her coupling up with a guy like this. Thank god she has you to fall back on because otherwise her life would be turned completely upside down and she might have ended up homeless because of this guy. She needs a better man. talk some sense into her. talk gentle and kind and she might hear your words.


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## 1948CaseVAI (May 12, 2014)

1948CaseVAI said:


> Give the father a couple of days to remove it and if it doesn't get removed then just have it hauled away to the dump. This happens all the time. When I was on the police department I worked off duty for a guy who made a nice living cleaning out apartments or rental houses of cons who went away. It was at the request of the landlords. He sold anything of value and kept the money, other stuff he trashed. He also got paid by the landlords. The point is when you go to prison you are no longer able to take care of your stuff and no one cares.




I should have clarified that he is really in prison, not jail. If he is just in jail then there may not be much you can do about it in the short term. If he has been convicted and sentenced to prison and has gone there then it is game over for his junk.


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## Bearfootfarm (Jul 13, 2006)

Forcast said:


> up date on my drama: boy is still in regional jail, but heard he has a bench warrant out for him from Fredrick Md. So I have know idea what that means when you are already in jail. I dont think he is getting out anytime soon. He has not even tried to call my daughter. Daughter heard this from his father.


It means he won't be released on bond and may be extradited to MD to face those charges. 

A "bench warrant" is usually for "failure to appear" on other charges


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

Thanks all. My daughter has moved on. .. Has moved from part time to full time job she loves and taking her nursing classes as well. I watch the baby and all seems so good and peaceful with out all his and his families drama. My sons are visiting more to fill in for the missing father figure for my grandbaby . We have gotten all his stuff packed up and put out of the way. And as far as the metal pile its being hauled off Monday prices are way down here but what ever it brings is better then me paying someone to haul it away. Just seemed so overwhelming to start with I am glad I had you guys for the imput.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Why is it so many girls need to have a baby with this kinda guy BEFORE they move on ?


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

AmericanStand said:


> Why is it so many girls need to have a baby with this kinda guy BEFORE they move on ?


 I wondered about that also. Maybe because they find it liberating. Maybe they think they will have less pressure and responsibility with a guy like that. Same goes for guys that go after women like that. In the end the thoughts and behaviors that one thought would be liberating become a constant destructive force that leads to less freedom and more suffering.


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## Elevenpoint (Nov 17, 2009)

Forcast said:


> Thanks all. My daughter has moved on. .. Has moved from part time to full time job she loves and taking her nursing classes as well. I watch the baby and all seems so good and peaceful with out all his and his families drama. My sons are visiting more to fill in for the missing father figure for my grandbaby . We have gotten all his stuff packed up and put out of the way. And as far as the metal pile its being hauled off Monday prices are way down here but what ever it brings is better then me paying someone to haul it away. Just seemed so overwhelming to start with I am glad I had you guys for the imput.


Sounds good. All of us are capable of bad decisions.
Hopefully things work out for him too...At times..man has to have some beatings to get on a good path.


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## Mish (Oct 15, 2015)

AmericanStand said:


> Why is it so many girls need to have a baby with this kinda guy BEFORE they move on ?


Because most young girls think they can change men. They're special enough that he's going to want to become a better person just for them, given enough time and enough chances. It takes life slapping you in the face a few times before you learn (and some never learn).

Then again, that ignorance and willingness to put up with a lot of crap that older women aren't willing to put up with is a big reason older men find younger women so attractive. So there you go.

Forcast, I'm glad your daughter has you and that things are working out so well now.


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## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

In Michigan, jail is up to a year, prison is over a year.
I doubt you or your daughter will know the truth of what he did. Courts generally plea bargain a crime to something lesser. A guy caught selling $10,000 in drugs, first conviction, might be able to plea guilty to possession of drugs. A guy that breaks into a few homes to steal drugs might be able to plea guilty to trespassing. Speeds up the court process buy getting a guilty plea, they can't appeal later and the judge can still slam them with the max on the lesser charge.

To learn the truth, you'd need to read the pre-sentence investigation to know what all he really did. 
Selling any titled vehicle to another person is theft. 
Placing personal property in storage and paying two months rent is legal in most states. Get the key to him certified mail and let the storage company deal with his stuff when the rent is past due.


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## joebill (Mar 2, 2013)

As a fellow grandpappy with a similar situation in our past, I would urge you to urge your daughter to use this time to permanently terminate this guy's parental rights while he has other stuff on his mind. The innocent child will forever be a basis for him to complicate her life ( and yours) until and unless that happens.

You can't rely on the law to keep him bottled up in today's world. He'll be out before you know it, needing a place to stay, some money, a car, whatever. He'll proclaim his undying love for his child, petition for visitation, anything to keep the turmoil rolling and his hopes of getting something from you folks in return for disappearing ONE MORE TIME. Obviously, your mileage may vary, but the job will never be any easier than it is right now, when you know exactly where to serve him with papers.

Not nice to "kick him when he is down?"..........I disagree. It's the very best and safest time....Joe


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

I can't think of anything lower than stealing a kids dad. 

This guy may or may it be trash but that's for him to prove. 

Don't take the kids dad away or the kid will hate you for it and the dad will always have a excuse.


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## flewism (Apr 2, 2007)

AmericanStand said:


> I can't think of anything lower than stealing a kids dad.
> 
> This guy may or may it be trash but that's for him to prove.
> 
> Don't take the kids dad away or the kid will hate you for it and the dad will always have a excuse.


Nope do it now if your daughter agrees the choice is hers alone. He can always get them back if he proves the ability to do so. Take away something he might value that much, then he might understand what was lost. He might use it as an excuse and continue to be an excuse. If he has visitation he will be in your daughter's life minimum and thereby yours. If he is an addict, he will not change until he loses something he cares for more than dope. If daughter is waiting for him upon his release, then game over and get ready for round two.


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

Daughter has been debating do that now


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## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

flewism said:


> Nope do it now if your daughter agrees the choice is hers alone. He can always get them back if he proves the ability to do so. Take away something he might value that much, then he might understand what was lost. He might use it as an excuse and continue to be an excuse. If he has visitation he will be in your daughter's life minimum and thereby yours. If he is an addict, he will not change until he loses something he cares for more than dope. If daughter is waiting for him upon his release, then game over and get ready for round two.


Round two and then baby number two.


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## Agriculture (Jun 8, 2015)

AmericanStand said:


> I can't think of anything lower than stealing a kids dad.
> 
> This guy may or may it be trash but that's for him to prove.
> 
> Don't take the kids dad away or the kid will hate you for it and the dad will always have a excuse.


He's already proven it. Having no father may not be the best option in life, but it is better than having a bad father. There is still a chance that the child will turn out OK, expecially with a decent grandfather close by to set the example. If the girl ever gets her head on straight and figures out how to date decent guys, all the better, but having a loser for a father who is there to set the example will eliminate the possibility for any chance that the child might have. He'll be better off without him. Way better.


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## WatchRyder (Feb 22, 2016)

Forcast said:


> I'm hearing this third or fourth hand.! He has till April 19 to find a live in rehab. Has to be a 60 day or more long rehab. He has to be drug tested each day in the rehab if he ---- tests bad he go's back to jail.


Sounds like meth to me, that's what happens to the tweakers near to where I live. The can actually get felony's expunged if they do a 1 yr course of drug awareness or somesuch nonsense.


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## flewism (Apr 2, 2007)

This country is full of highly successful men that have been raised without fathers. Eliminating any threat to that child's ability to thrive is paramount.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

flewism said:


> This country is full of highly successful men that have been raised without fathers. Eliminating any threat to that child's ability to thrive is paramount.



FULL ? Lol there may be some but the country isn't even full of any type of highly successful men.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

flewism said:


> Nope do it now if your daughter agrees the choice is hers alone. He can always get them back if he proves the ability to do so. Take away something he might value that much, then he might understand what was lost. He might use it as an excuse and continue to be an excuse. If he has visitation he will be in your daughter's life minimum and thereby yours. If he is an addict, he will not change until he loses something he cares for more than dope. If daughter is waiting for him upon his release, then game over and get ready for round two.



Why should the choice be the woman's alone ?
This entire thread is about her poor judgment and the results of that.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Agriculture said:


> He's already proven it. Having no father may not be the best option in life, but it is better than having a bad father. There is still a chance that the child will turn out OK, expecially with a decent grandfather close by to set the example. If the girl ever gets her head on straight and figures out how to date decent guys, all the better, but having a loser for a father who is there to set the example will eliminate the possibility for any chance that the child might have. He'll be better off without him. Way better.



What makes you think that no father is better than a bad father?
What makes you think that the child has a good example and his grandfather? After all he has proven in capable of raising children to make good breeding choices. (sorry forecast. )

I think you guys are looking at this from the wrong side. It's not about taking a child away from a man who doesn't deserve one. It's about taking a father away from a child who does.


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## FarmerKat (Jul 3, 2014)

Just curious ... how did we get from dealing with stuff that was left at OP's house to terminating parental rights?????


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## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

FarmerKat said:


> Just curious ... how did we get from dealing with stuff that was left at OP's house to terminating parental rights?????


All threads drift. Among the "stuff" left at the OP house was his daughter's broken heart and a grandchild that deserves a lot more attention/concern than the scrap metal piles and box of underwear and socks.
In an attempt to regain a bit of normalcy, removal of all reminders of this fool is imperative. His car, his photographs and his parental rights are a good start.


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## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

Sometimes good people go through a bad patch. Sometimes good people make bad choices.
But from my experience, by the time the courts are willing to spend a lot of money keeping you locked up, you have exhausted many chances to reclaim your life. Often takes hitting bottom to wake up. Some never wake up. Trying to make it easier on them prevents the bottoming out. 

When dealing with a small child, dragging him along while daddy figures out what he is going to do with his life and learns if he can kick the habit and develops a normal behavior pattern, has a high likelihood of negatively impacting the child. 

Watching the male role model in his life destroy everything around him, becomes this child's new normal.

It is not uncommon for women in bad relationships to return to the same toxic person in an attempt to "fix" them and develop a good relationship. This path leads to baby number 2 or 3.


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## joebill (Mar 2, 2013)

The instances I have seen where young mothers took tweakers back into their lives and their children's lives ended in episodes of extreme violence, months of extreme poverty, with no food in the house and the utilities turned off, vehicle repos, the situation kept secret from the girl's family because the tweaker wanted to "own" her and was more than willing to beat her and confine her to keep her and the kids in line. She grew more and more afraid of him, but more and more afraid her family would kill him and leave her alone.

It took over a year for one child to get over his screaming night terrors because his "daddy" used to come screaming into the house at all hours in a rage because everybody was sleeping and he couldn't get any sleep himself because his blood was on fire with meth.

Yeah, it's a REAL cruelty to cheat a grandchild out of THAT, all right. I put the qualifier into my previous post that "your mileage may vary", but in my limited but ample experience, the above is by far the most likely result of not terminating his parental rights at the earliest opportunity, and it is far from rare for the results to be far worse, including the violent death of the child and/or the mother.

At my former son-in-law's most recent trial, the judge told him;
"You often threaten to kill yourself when you don't get your own way. Well, if you are willing to go ahead and do that immediately, I'll release you right now so you can get on with it, otherwise, I am sentencing you to another 90 days of enforced sobriety in jail."

Didn't help him any. I repeat........I earnestly pray your daughter will remove this threat from the lives of herself and her family before it is too late....Joe


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

I certainly wouldn't argue that not every male makes a good father. 
Specially right off the bat. In this case it will be the mother's responsibility to make sure that the father's visitation is carefully supervised. The mother will have to set explicit rules and guidelines. She will need to enforce them vigorously. 
She will have to explain the father's failures fairly. 
No doubt about it she has created a very difficult situation for her and her child. However the child deserves as much father as the father can give. 

Of course there are things she can do to mitigate the problems created by the father. 
The next man in her life can be a carefully chosen good man. A good man that is willing to put up with the problems that she has created.


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

Nicely Said American Stand. My daughter is doing very well. When Daddy comes up in conversations that the grandson is around to hear. Nothing negative is said. Daddy is simply at work. So far that has worked to explane his absence. She has not gone to see him in jail. And I dont think she would take the boy. He does call her from time to time but it's becoming less frequent. My daughter said she feels so much better without all his drama.


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## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

Any time you normalize destructive behavior, the exposure hurts the child and his chances of a normal life. Children raised in an alcoholic home, often marry an alcoholic. It feels normal.
Children raised in an abusive home, marry an abuser that he/she intends to &#8220;fix&#8221;. It feels normal.
Children that spend their weekends in the Prison&#8217;s visiting room learn that Prison has a more comfortable feel than those that view Prison from afar.


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## joebill (Mar 2, 2013)

I'll close out my involvement here by stating that the Mother needs to always be fully informed as to what is coming before making any decisions. Often, if the "drug daddy" is granted visitation by the court, the court will make the rules rather than the Mother. That includes pickup and delivery to and from the location of the supervised visitation, who supervises, whether the "daddy" needs to be clean and sober during the visit, and whether or not he is allowed to badmouth the mother during said visit.

Obviously, I am biased and bitter, so my experience is not universal and I readily admit that, so I simply urge that no young lady turn her fate or the future of her child over to people or entities that she cannot control. 

Ask a few folks who have been around meth-heads and heroin freaks for advice before you decide anything, and know you are in our prayers......God bless......Joe


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Like joe let me wish you and you daughter and grand kid the best. 
I know you will try to help but they both have a hard row to hoe.


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

Thanks all, things are so calm and happy here almost feels like I walked into a different home.


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## Elevenpoint (Nov 17, 2009)

Forcast said:


> Thanks all, things are so calm and happy here almost feels like I walked into a different home.


Remember that.


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