# How to get your significant other into homesteading



## Greybush (Mar 30, 2014)

Ok so my wife and I moved into our house last year and so far I've been doing all the homesteading by myself, we've been together for about five years married for one and we've never really lived in the country besides my bringing up but she's always said she liked doing the country style life but we move her and she just doesn't seem to be interested at all and was wondering what's some good ways to get her to experience new things and possibly like some of them


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## rags57078 (Jun 11, 2011)

flower beds , herb beds . Start small and go from there .


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## 1shotwade (Jul 9, 2013)

In my opinion the best thing you could do is NEED lots of help! "Honey come hold this board for me!?" Once my wife gets going then they start seeing things differently.Of course I always make it a point to take a lot of breaks and talk about how fresh the air smells or how pretty the flower are.Works for me!


Wade


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## Moboiku (Mar 7, 2014)

Animals. For me, a fuzzy chick was irresistible. For some it might be a lamb or goat kid or piglet. Whichever way she leans, get her some babies and she'll get so involved in caring for them that before she knows it, she'll be tending animals in inclement weather and all through the night and she'll never know how it happened.


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## dizzy (Jun 25, 2013)

You may also have to resign yourself to the idea that she will never truly become interested in it. Good luck.


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## Greybush (Mar 30, 2014)

dizzy said:


> You may also have to resign yourself to the idea that she will never truly become interested in it. Good luck.



You know dizzy you might actually have a point because since out son was born (6 months now) she can't stand some animals because she finds it a burden on her while taking care of our son too but as for the gardening idea I think that I might have a chance there maybe because she's mentioned wanting to put out a flower garden and she enjoys watching the progress in the garden from seedlings to plants 
But keep the ideas coming I'm open to try anything I'd like her to look back one day and be glad she learned how to be a true country girl lol


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## GREENCOUNTYPETE (Jul 25, 2006)

some people see gun and garden magazine and think that it is the country thing , if you haven't see this publication give it a look some time , lots of better homes and gardens type pictures of these wonderfill country homes not a flower out of place clean groomed dogs that stand nice for the picture and not what country living is for 99% of us 

your going to need to find her interests and work together to do them , with a young baby in tow that will make it even harder 

so figure out what she likes and try and do that with her


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## simi-steading (Sep 27, 2012)

Sounds to me like something to discuss with her.. not us... It may be she likes the quiet of the country, but has no interest in having a garden.. Only she can tell you what she thinks or is interested in..


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## Greybush (Mar 30, 2014)

simi-steading said:


> Sounds to me like something to discuss with her.. not us... It may be she likes the quiet of the country, but has no interest in having a garden.. Only she can tell you what she thinks or is interested in..



Well That's why I'm asking to find other things I could show her to see if she likes it she's the kind you have to help push her to do something new she won't just jump into it and have the attitude of "I got this I'm going to learn something new" she's alittle more insecure unlike me hell I joined the marine corps without having to hear the recruiters bs stories so enough said for me lol


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## GREENCOUNTYPETE (Jul 25, 2006)

well if your looking for outdoor things to get interested in 

bee keeping 
gardening 
composting 
fishing 
atv rides or Snowmobile depending on where you live 
orcharding 
canning 
raising live stock , anything from chickens to pigs to goats 
hunting 
camping
trapping
mushroom hunting 
looking for wild asparagus 
berry picking
target shooting 


some people just like to live out in country so they can make a little noise and have a bon fire , maybe some friends over , I was talking with a lady who started an annual music fest for a bunch of friends they have enough friends in blue grass bands that they invite everyone together they bands set up on the porch and the party is in the yard bring your own beer

dogs or dog training 

some people just like a little space to spread out and otherwise they don't have anything special they like to do that they couldn't have done in city except watch be close enough that you can hear when the neighbors are fighting.

my wife really likes nature photography


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## Marthas_minis (Jan 28, 2014)

I love Garden & Gun magazine. Some great ideas in there...

What about working on a project together? If you have a landscape plan in mind; sketch it out, & ask for her input. Could be as simple as building a fire pit or deciding what kind of garden you want to build and where. I have a notebook I keep with notes, magazine clippings, sketches, etc. Maybe start there and build your dream together. If you have a vision of how you see your homestead life being like; be sure to share that vision with her. Find out how she envisions homestead life. You may both have totally different ideas of what you want. 

There are also some really awesome homestead blogs out there run by women that are super inspiring. 
Many didn't have a country or homesteading background but they do it all, babies strapped to their hips. 

My DH works a very stressful, time consuming job & in the beginning, homesteading was probably not his first choice of things to do when he's not working. He was raised in the city so beyond dogs & cats and mowing the yard he had no clue what he was getting into when he agreed to move me back to the country.
I luckily have a husband who above all else, knows the value of a happy wife.  
Since homesteading is my thing, I plan everything here and he gives his input. There was a lot of handholding at first but he has come a long way and loves it as much as I do. Now, we have projects & plans that are his as well as mine and ours. His favorite things to do now are pasture management, engineering & building things, and tending the stock pond. I am positive we are going to have the fattest fish once they are big enough to catch! 

Be patient & don't push. You already love homesteading for your reasons, you have to allow her to learn to love it for her own reasons. She may be happiest taking care of the home & family right now and that -is- a very vital part of homesteading with a family.


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## simi-steading (Sep 27, 2012)

Ok.. I get what you are saying.. .

Here's one that shocked me with my wife... Maybe something you can try...

She sort of took an interest in guns.. so I passed a few through her hands.. most scared her.. 

Then I got to thinking, she really likes eating squirrel. She grew up eating it... .. .so I bought a 10/22 and let her shoot it, and I'll be danged if she isn't a deadeye with the first trifle she ever shot.. She's a natural.. 

So, now she keeps telling me and everyone else, she can't wait to take her new gun out to get some dinner... 

hhhhmmm.. is this a legal transfer? I bought the 10/22 for me.. DOh! +wink wink+


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## Moboiku (Mar 7, 2014)

Marthas_minis said:


> My DH works a very stressful, time consuming job & in the beginning, homesteading was probably not his first choice of things to do when he's not working. He was raised in the city so beyond dogs & cats and mowing the yard he had no clue what he was getting into when he agreed to move me back to the country.
> I luckily have a husband who above all else, knows the value of a happy wife.
> Since homesteading is my thing, I plan everything here and he gives his input. There was a lot of handholding at first but he has come a long way and loves it as much as I do. Now, we have projects & plans that are his as well as mine and ours.


Wow! I could have written this. Every word of it applies to me as well!!!

I first suggested animals but I see your reply that you have a 6mo old baby and she doesn't care about animals. I will change my advice. Let her be. Accept that this may be more your dream than hers and that at this stage in her life, her focus is on raising the baby. It sounds like your happiness is her priority too, or she wouldn't have agreed to move there. Now it is time to let her enjoy the baby without pressure to also enjoy homesteading since it doesn't sound like it is her priority. Find common ground - eat out once a week, get a sitter and go see a movie or do something the both of you enjoy. And the rest of the time, let her raise the baby while you work on the homesteading. Maybe as the baby grows into a toddler and then a child, she will become more interested in the homestead and maybe she won't. Either way, be content that she is willing to let you realize your dream, and support her realising hers.


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## GREENCOUNTYPETE (Jul 25, 2006)

Marthas_minis said:


> I love Garden & Gun magazine. Some great ideas in there...



the best ideas in there so far for me are what bands to look at for our music festival and my wife has picked those out

my mother in law thought he likes guns and gardening so she got me a subscription when one of the kids was selling magazine subscriptions for something, there is an interesting gardening aticle now and them but i have to admit when i see it i see adds for watches i don't even like that cost far to much , "cabins" fancier than my house , fancy houses I used to work on fancy houses some some were in better homes and gardens , you know what i see when i see them now , work lots of work and ocationaly a gun story but they are almost always about over priced side by sides or over and unders and well I am more of a working class pump gun shooter , and i don't need to dress up fancy to go shoot stuff my overalls are good all the time

my point however was that people see a lot of different things when they envision country living some se garden and gun typs stuff , I don't If i never mowed again i could live with that , just plant hay to withing 30 feet of the house , or put the house in the woods and just wood chip the tiny yard and leave the woods be, thats for me 

I worked for a guy when i was in high school we mowed 16 acre every week , I was tired of mowing before i even had a yard just mowing isn't sow bad but it had about a hundred trees to mow around what a pain to edge them all


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## big rockpile (Feb 24, 2003)

simi-steading said:


> Sounds to me like something to discuss with her.. not us... It may be she likes the quiet of the country, but has no interest in having a garden.. Only she can tell you what she thinks or is interested in..


Got o agree My wife in 17 years very seldom got away from the house, so she had no idea what was going on but she was very good at anything in and just around the house.

I was living with one woman that was willing to try living in the country but down deep couldn't handle it. So we split because of this.

You have to both be in agreement on what kind of life you want. If she don't want to be involved she needs to be honest and you have to accept it and know all the work is on you.

big rockpile


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

Does she work outside the home or is she a stay at home mom? Chances are she is just plain _tired_!! Set up a small herb garden near the house and a place where the baby can play really close by.


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## Greybush (Mar 30, 2014)

View attachment 27977

Made this for the wife from your ideas of a little garden flower bed thing and saw this online and liked the idea and made my own improvements right now there's just strawberries in it but she seemed pretty excited about it


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## mrs whodunit (Feb 3, 2012)

My hubby is just happy I am happy.

Most all of the work is on my head but thats OK because most of the time I dont considered it work as I enjoy it so.

He works full time plus all the over time he can get and is going for his masters.... the poor guy really doesn't have time to help me right now.


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## Greybush (Mar 30, 2014)

View attachment 27980

Well I've always got my companion to jeep me company while I do my projects lol


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## aweegato (May 5, 2014)

My partner got into it for the food. There was a lot of " whatcha makin there, hon?"

I'd share the cheese, veggies, and ciders and pretty soon he was giving suggestions for the garden, recipes, and projects. 

Unsurprisingly the way to his heart was through his stomach.


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

My wife keeps telling me she wasn't a city kid although you can see the cities water tower across the corn field across the road from her child hood home on 2 acres. When we met and married she lived in a subdivision with homes so close together I could spit two ways from the front porch and hit one on each side. She had been married be fore and I really got tired of hearing me and ex hubby were going to do this or that when I mentioned planting a garden building a garage or what ever.
After listening to that crap for 4 months I told her it was time to get *our home. *
Took us 9 month of B/S once we found the place but now it is ours. First thing she loved was the wild life that come to our front door to feed on shrubs planted there.





Deer in the back yard even bucks.



Wild turkeys pass thru along the creek in flocks and all alone.



They bring their babies to show them off to us too.



Even the Great Blue Heron comes up out of the creek to preen near the house.



What that has did is get her to want to go for walks thru the woods and vacant field next door to see what critters are about and what they are doing. Got her wanting to plant flowers and shrubs where she spends a whole bunch of time fiddling around. She has 3800 sq.ft. of perennial flower beds and I don't know how many shrubs. 



She isn't interested in chickens, goats, sheep, cows or horses.
Her passion is honey bees to the point we were over 100 colonies in 2 counties in out yards. She like us raising queen bees likes the honey and is a fanatic with the stuff we sell to the point it drives me crazy with her wants on straining it cause there is a air bubble in it.

She makes the syrup to feed them in the spring and fall. she makes the pollen patties we give them.

With a little baby it is hard to spend much time outdoors doing chores. There are enough to do inside fixing meals caring for the baby doing laundry and keeping the house clean and tidy. Allow the child to grow and start walking before pushing too hard.

 Al


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## Jade1096 (Jan 2, 2008)

> You have to both be in agreement on what kind of life you want. If she don't want to be involved she needs to be honest and you have to accept it and know all the work is on you.


Quoted for truth.




> she just doesn't seem to be interested at all and was wondering what's some good ways to get her to experience new things and possibly like some of them


Try talking to her and asking her what she might be interested in. Ask her to come out and help you and be involved in the day to day tasks around your place.
Understand that with caring for a 6 month old, she may not have the interest or energy to do anything else.


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## Melesine (Jan 17, 2012)

Give her time, caring for an infant is exhausting. It took me a good 9 months before I really looked up at the world outside my first baby. She has plenty of time later to decide what country living things she wants to do.


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## Melesine (Jan 17, 2012)

Greybush said:


> View attachment 27977
> 
> Made this for the wife from your ideas of a little garden flower bed thing and saw this online and liked the idea and made my own improvements right now there's just strawberries in it but she seemed pretty excited about it


Oh I really like that. I'll have to see if my husband can bring some pallets home from work. I've been eyeing that style of herb planting anyway and trying to figure out a design. Right now I have everything in pots or the main garden.


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## Greybush (Mar 30, 2014)

Melesine said:


> Oh I really like that. I'll have to see if my husband can bring some pallets home from work. I've been eyeing that style of herb planting anyway and trying to figure out a design. Right now I have everything in pots or the main garden.


It works really well once the roots get established and looks neat to


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## Melesine (Jan 17, 2012)

I love your idea of using it for strawberries because they take up so much square footage in the ground vs vertical plants.


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## Micheal (Jan 28, 2009)

dizzy said:


> You may also have to resign yourself to the idea that she will never truly become interested in it. Good luck.


After skimming all the posts this is the one I found to really ring true! 
My experience - 50 plus years of marriage (to the same woman), living here, on our 57 acres, for over 43 years. During this time I've had animals, gardens (veggie and flower), built buildings, done haying, still cut firewood, and enjoy all the advantages with hopefully managing the disadvantages rural living has. 
The wife? She enjoys the "living in the country" idea and let us leave it at that! 
Oh, she does enjoy the veggie garden(s) as long as I plant, tend, pick the bounty, cook it and put it on the table. :facepalm: :hysterical:ound:


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## Greybush (Mar 30, 2014)

Micheal said:


> After skimming all the posts this is the one I found to really ring true!
> My experience - 50 plus years of marriage (to the same woman), living here, on our 57 acres, for over 43 years. During this time I've had animals, gardens (veggie and flower), built buildings, done haying, still cut firewood, and enjoy all the advantages with hopefully managing the disadvantages rural living has.
> The wife? She enjoys the "living in the country" idea and let us leave it at that!
> Oh, she does enjoy the veggie garden(s) as long as I plant, tend, pick the bounty, cook it and put it on the table. :facepalm: :hysterical:ound:


I needed to know this trick lol


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## Greybush (Mar 30, 2014)

Well as the days grow longer I believe I've found out what has her motivated flowers and chicks and I disconnected the tv


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## iti_oj (Jul 15, 2014)

1shotwade said:


> In my opinion the best thing you could do is NEED lots of help! "Honey come hold this board for me!?" Once my wife gets going then they start seeing things differently.Of course I always make it a point to take a lot of breaks and talk about how fresh the air smells or how pretty the flower are.Works for me!
> 
> 
> Wade


This. Good advice. Plus some c people like being in charge , maybe let her plan, set up, and run something, like a herb garden of course help with the labor. Show of all successes.


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## Greybush (Mar 30, 2014)

iti_oj said:


> This. Good advice. Plus some c people like being in charge , maybe let her plan, set up, and run something, like a herb garden of course help with the labor. Show of all successes.



That's a good idea actually about the herb garden I got abunch I need to get planted might show her how to do it


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