# Ex Boyfriends.



## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Am I the only one this keeps happening to???

I was just contacted by a guy I used to date 25 some years ago and this is not the first time this has happened. It seems to happen all the time to me. Guys I have dated in the past keep coming out of the wood work. This guy I dated and was engaged to, it didn't work out, he married since and just recent left his wife and wants to go out for coffee. :huh:

This is not the first guy that has done this, it happens to me all the time, what in the heck is up with that?


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Don't go out with him, he is just trying to find a compass point in time to tune into so he can make sense of his life. He might want to go back to his life before his wife and then restart his life where he left off, which most likely means that he will just pass you by.

Find a guy at the country fair.


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

Dunno, but I'm of the opinion if it didn't work out back then, why would it work out now?

Also, what's this "let's just be friends". Does that ever work?

I just know for me it don't, so I just bask in the glow of that burning bridge! Ah, nice and warm!

LOL!


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

City, other then going out for coffee to catch up since we still have mutual friends I am NOT interested in being in a relationship with him. 

I just got my wings of freedom, do you think I want them clipped now, no way. 

BUT, does this happen to any of you, guys, or gals that keep coming back and asking you out after years of being apart? I think this is about the umpteenth guy that has done this?


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

What happened to the milkchocolate'man.........????


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Yes Cindilu, I got asked out 2 days ago, from an ex boyfriend. I cant help it that my charm just over flows with poo....LOL!!!


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

Never to me, well, one time, but, usually, if anything is left after the fire, I explode that bridge, and dig a chasm so wide you can't see the other side.

Or, just move to another state and get a new cell number, that's a lot easier! LOL!


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

IMO you can never go back.....move forward Cindi.....that's exactly what I'm doing, looking forward.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

Coffee is fine, but remember they are an ex for a reason! This thread makes me think of Why Not's signature line...maybe she will be so kind as to post it here for us....


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

Fowler said:


> Yes Cindilu, I got asked out 2 days ago, from an ex boyfriend. I cant help it that my charm just over flows with poo....LOL!!!



Fowler, With you they are just looking for a "Fast'Ride" on your ATV'thingie.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

Sourdough said:


> What happened to the milkchocolate'man.........????


Who says things like that??? Oh, wait...YOU do!!!


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## Groene Pionier (Apr 23, 2009)

I guess it also depends on the why it was ended? I think it is fun to meet old friends from a far past. Drinking a coffee doesn't mean you are getting married straight after that. Or you have to go to Vegas (ok got that from the movies)
It is nice he asked you out for a coffee imo.
Just have fun
(and don't go to Vegas)


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Drinking coffee is okay, and that is all I am going to keep it as, but he isn't the first guy to approach me after many years of not being together. There is my rich Dr. Friend in Cali that would be get married in a heart beat if I let me, my very first boyfriend asked me to marry him last week, kidding around of course, but if I let him he would be serious. Several others that were way in the past have come to me, all thanks to FB and found out where and how I have been all this time. 

What the heck???


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

It's because there is something about you that they never forget!


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Perhaps they're trying to recapture some of the old, good moments & Memories?


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

Ardie/WI said:


> It's because there is something about you that they never forget!


this^^^^^

you were so hawt in those feather eyelashes btw!!! you sparkle! 

If the guy was a good person, a good friend that you still value, go ahead and go out and enjoy. It would be interesting to hear how far you each have come over the years, what life has taught you. I say go for it!


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

I am friends or acquaintances with many of them still. One says hi at least a couple times a month.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Ardie/WI said:


> It's because there is something about you that they never forget!


Yeah, that is what they keep bringing up, LOL. Or maybe that I was a pain in the behind and they are trying to get back at me or something.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Perhaps, Cyndi, it's life trying to tell you something that you haven't realized yet. And I do not mean that you "missed" one of them and should rekindle. 

A lot of the times it seems that patterns repeat themselves for a reason and until you figure out what it is you are to learn from that, it will continue. I don't mean something about the relationships necessarily but about yourself.

Think of all the reasons why this would happen to you and not say, to me or anyone else you know. When it seems like something "unusual" is happening in my life, I look at what may be the underlying theme. I have my own suggestions for this for what you have described but it's probably better you come up with your own.

See attached, aforementioned, sigline....which may or may not help you out.

I have exs show up once in a while - usually it's to tell me they were stupid in their decisions at the time and they learned a lot from our past relationship and they are usually married and unhappy when they show up. I cannot do much about that, I also cannot "make them feel better" for the moment or for however long.

People move into and out of your life for reasons...sometimes those reasons are very clear, sometimes not so clear. Sometimes the more you revisit one thing or another the more meaning you derrive from it or the more you understand about yourself. Use this as an opportunity to look more deeply into yourself.

I raised my daughter, essentially alone. I had a few relationships after my divorce but I prioritized my daughter and myself. When I came to the realization at some point that was going to have an empty nest in a year or two...it dawned on me that for the first time in my life, literally, I didn't have to focus on someone else as much. I could actually do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I almost had a crisis because I had no clue what any of that was.

Figure out what/who the new you is, you only need you to do it and when you do...the whole blessed thing (life) just *poof* not quite as frustrating and mysterious.


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## Groene Pionier (Apr 23, 2009)

guess it is time to start a dating agency? lot's of men who are wiling to marry and you know lot's of girls?
put 1 and 1 together I guess?


cindilu said:


> Drinking coffee is okay, and that is all I am going to keep it as, but he isn't the first guy to approach me after many years of not being together. There is my rich Dr. Friend in Cali that would be get married in a heart beat if I let me, my very first boyfriend asked me to marry him last week, kidding around of course, but if I let him he would be serious. Several others that were way in the past have come to me, all thanks to FB and found out where and how I have been all this time.
> 
> What the heck???


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## bruce2288 (Jul 10, 2009)

cindilu It just shows how unforgettable you are.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

bruce2288 said:


> cindilu It just shows how unforgettable you are.


Unforgettable as in pain in the behind maybe.


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

you know what I'm thinking c-lu!


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

wyld thang said:


> you know what I'm thinking c-lu!


Ya I know and don't you dare say it, LOL.


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## Guest (Jul 17, 2012)

Since life is a motion, dynamic rather than static, the "me" I am today is much different then the "me" I was years ago. Therefore, it is completely rational to expect that 2 people, each having moved forward in a dynamic life, could cross paths again, and as 2 completely different people have the ability to get along. Of course, everybody don't think rationally.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

For me they do not come back years later. I do not want them. If we broke up ether they are crap, I am crap, or we are crap together. Most of the women that are my x's I hate and I will most likely hate them for the rest of my life.

One did come back once and I brought up all the things about myself that she nagged and complained about, driving me up the wall towards the end of the relationship. Then I told her that I did not change and that I still do all those little things that bugged her (jeeze, tie-dye your underware and socks one time and people just can't handle it. i thought we lived in a bold and new world?) but now I do them even more. I told her that my hair was even longer (she hated that) and that I was going to grow it down my back. Then I asked her if she still wanted me. She said no and I said see you later and hung up.


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

City Bound said:


> For me they do not come back years later. I do not want them. If we broke up ether they are crap, I am crap, or we are crap together. Most of the women that are my x's I hate and I will most likely hate them for the rest of my life.
> 
> One did come back once and I brought up all the things about myself that she nagged and complained about, driving me up the wall towards the end of the relationship. Then I told her that I did not change and that I still do all those little things that bugged her (jeeze, tie-dye your underware and socks one time and people just can't handle it. i thought we lived in a bold and new world?) but now I do them even more. I told her that my hair was even longer (she hated that) and that I was going to grow it down my back. Then I asked her if she still wanted me. She said no and I said see you later and hung up.


dang it! I wish I had a picture of the THOUSANDS of tiedyed undies for sale at the fair here in Oregon! Boxers! thongs! bikinis! tighties! boy shorts! bloomers!


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

hahah. yeah, that chick did not dig my colorful undies. Maybe if I was at the country fair I could of had a chick on each arm and a few hangin on my back.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

City Bound said:


> hahah. yeah, that chick did not dig my colorful undies. Maybe if I was at the country fair I could of had a chick on each arm and a few hangin on my back.


I don't think I could handle them either....Sorry, CB 

But then again, I am not a fan of underwear to begin with....


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

shanzone2001 said:


> I don't think I could handle them either....Sorry, CB
> 
> But then again, I am not a fan of underwear to begin with....


Who cares what they look like. They are not meant to stay on very long.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

City Bound said:


> Who cares what they look like. They are not meant to stay on very long.


I beg to differ...the ones that aren't meant to say on very long ARE supposed to look good...that is the whole point!!!

The ones you wear day to day that nobody is looking at are the ones that don't matter!


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

errr, don't get hung up on the gift wrapping. It is the gift under the wrapping that means the most.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

City Bound said:


> Who cares what they look like. They are not meant to stay on very long.


Or just don't start out with them on in the first place, they are a pain in the behind and get in the way.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

cindilu said:


> Or just don't start out with them on in the first place, they are a pain in the behind and get in the way.


I agree that they are a pain....however, there is a time and place for the pretty ones!!!


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

City Bound said:


> errr, don't get hung up on the gift wrapping. It is the gift under the wrapping that means the most.


But what about the fun of "unwrapping?" Come on, CB!!! :bash:


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

shanzone2001 said:


> I agree that they are a pain....however, there is a time and place for the pretty ones!!!


Um, yeah, I have two whole pairs of those and that would be my entire undie collection, lol.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

cindilu said:


> Um, yeah, I have two whole pairs of those and that would be my entire undie collection, lol.


Well, your collection (small as it may be) seems to have made an impression on a few men...hence the sudden surge of ex boyfriends!!! :kiss:


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

oh brother. Yes the wrapping paper can be pretty, but why waste too much time on layers of clothes when you can mingle and unwrap eachother's senses, soul, and mind.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

no undies in summer = free air conditioning. At least that is what I heard.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

City Bound said:


> oh brother. Yes the wrapping paper can be pretty, but why waste too much time on layers of clothes when you can mingle and unwrap eachother's senses, soul, and mind.


Because it is fun to get dressed up and then undressed!!! And I never said layers of clothes...we are talking about underwear here!

Don't you "oh brother" me there Buddy!!!! :catfight:


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

hahaha. ok. how is oh sister? Better.

undies are clothes.


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## lemon (Jul 9, 2012)

Undies have thier place. Like covering all the stuff hidden in the undi drawer


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Dont forget shan CB is amish, he probilly also thinks black socks are sexy....LOL!!


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

All my amish women love a man in black socks. The women wear black socks also.


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

WhyNot said:


> Perhaps, Cyndi, it's life trying to tell you something that you haven't realized yet. And I do not mean that you "missed" one of them and should rekindle.
> 
> A lot of the times it seems that patterns repeat themselves for a reason and until you figure out what it is you are to learn from that, it will continue. I don't mean something about the relationships necessarily but about yourself.
> 
> ...


Yeah, I agree with what she said.

Basically she said that sometimes people from our past keep popping up like the moles in that "whack-a-mole" game, until you LEARN something about yourself that you need to learn.

Kind of like a scary rendition of "Groundhog" day, until you learn that you are good enough, your smart enough, and dog-gone-it, people like you! AND YOU DESERVE BETTER! So go out there and get it!


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Uhmmm...yeah sure. I'm not sure I should have used the energy on that post.

Anywhoo...yes I know I'm a big "downer" and no one wants to admit they might think at all. So...just get naked and pick out the next one. Seems to "work" for some. :shrug:


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

WhyNot said:


> Seems to "work" for some. :shrug:


Really? Do tell....


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## Frenchy (Sep 28, 2005)

wyld thang said:


> dang it! I wish I had a picture of the THOUSANDS of tiedyed undies for sale at the fair here in Oregon! Boxers! thongs! bikinis! tighties! boy shorts! bloomers!


_what good would picture of those undies do without ya modeling them for us now Wyld  :cowboy: 
_


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Frenchy.....how com you only show up when people are in their undies?  haha


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

shan I think it's safe to say that there's not a man here that would not appreciate you modeling in your birthday suit, heck even I would like to see that.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

Fowler said:


> shan I think it's safe to say that there's not a man here that would not appreciate you modeling in your birthday suit, heck even I would like to see that.


You are killing me!!! :kiss:


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

WhyNot said:


> Uhmmm...yeah sure. I'm not sure I should have used the energy on that post.
> 
> Anywhoo...yes I know I'm a big "downer" and no one wants to admit they might think at all. So...just get naked and pick out the next one. Seems to "work" for some. :shrug:


SORRY WhyNot, didn't mean to offend you by summarizing your post! You can hit me on the head at the party at my place! :bash:


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

I'm not offended JL. I don't know that your summary fit my post, IMO...but maybe I don't understand it or didn't make my point clear...which happens often. And I really don't have the energy to deal with it...and probably shouldn't have posted it in the first place.


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## Grizz (May 11, 2002)

Dam this is a tuff bunch!! People chang what do u got to lose by goin out?mite not work than again 2nd chance around it mite!!


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

WhyNot said:


> I'm not offended JL. I don't know that your summary fit my post, IMO...but maybe I don't understand it or didn't make my point clear...which happens often. And I really don't have the energy to deal with it...and probably shouldn't have posted it in the first place.


I think your post was insightful and is true for me.


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## Shygal (May 26, 2003)

I'm still wondering what happened to the gym guy with the limp that you moved in with and planning a wedding with? :stars:


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

roadless said:


> I think your post was insightful and is true for me.


I'm glad for that roadless. Reading it again I guess JL's summary works alright...I had just hoped for it to come off a little bit differently...positively. I dunno. I was tired then and I'm not awake yet. lol

Shygal: I think that the limping chocolate gymnast was sharing his pommel horse or...attempting to use someone elses balance rings...in any case...he is no more.


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## Wolf Flower (Dec 21, 2005)

Several years ago, I got back together with an old high school sweetheart. It had been about 23 years.

It was absolutely wonderful. I had reallly never stopped loving him, even after he dumped me in high school, I pined for him... then when I got over that, we became friends again. But as people do, we lost touch after a while.

When I found him again, I hadn't seen him for about ten years. He was going through a divorce and I was single. We started up a relationship, and it was magical. 

The re-relationship only lasted about six months, as he lived about 800 miles away, and neither of us was willing to move. So we both realized it wasn't going to work. However, we remained close, even after I got married. I think he is coming to visit soon and will be bringing his new girlfriend--I can't wait to meet her, and make sure she is good enough for him.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

cindilu said:


> City, other then going out for coffee to catch up since we still have mutual friends I am NOT interested in being in a relationship with him.
> 
> I just got my wings of freedom, do you think I want them clipped now, no way.
> 
> BUT, does this happen to any of you, guys, or gals that keep coming back and asking you out after years of being apart? I think this is about the umpteenth guy that has done this?


No one asks me out. May have something to do with the fact that I don't go anywhere, I dunno. OTOH, I caught an old lady at Walmart ogling me last Sunday. Guess that doesn't count though, does it? I think my parents never told me I'm related to Rodney Dangerfield and Eeyore.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

billy, you sound like me. I am invible to the women.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

There's a line in a John Wayne movie where this younger woman says "Well, your comfortable" to the Duke. I think, at 54, when younger woman see me looking at them or when I cut up and joke with them, it's kinda like that line. They don't percieve me as someone they need to evaluate. Is he hittin on me? Should I let him or blow him off? Just an unintimidating, older guy. 

Course I'm not dumb or disillusioned enough to think I'd stand a snowball's chance in Hades with a younger one anyway. Probably, alot of the older ones are married or busy and harried with a lot to do and they're not 'looking', if you know what I mean. I can relate to that. When I've got errands to run I'm focused and tend to look through other people. It's not like I'm hangin in study hall, 'checkin 'em out' and being checked out.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

billy you do not need a young one.

I think it is great when when people can just relax and be natural together as co workers, neighbors, friends, because if there really is some love potential it will just come out naturally through mutual exposure and then you have one of those really nice comfortable relationships where both people just get to be themselves.


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

cindilu-I have been thinking about this and I wanted to share my experience.

14 years ago I decided to leave Ohio to get away from my controlling stalking crazy ex-husband, and before I could leave town, THREE of my ex-boyfriends came by several times, begging me to stay. It blew my mind because they all three had done me soooooo wrong. BUT, I can look back now and see that someone upstairs was trying to send me a message that I was actually worth something, and that me leaving the area was a good thing, because three months later, clear across the country, I found my long lost cowboy who was searching for me, his soulmate.

When I got across the country, I made a list of what my next husband would be like. The only thing I left off was the cowboy part. That was just extra!

Make yourself a list....he will come along. While you are waiting, just take care of yourself.

((((hugs))))


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

WhyNot said:


> Perhaps, Cyndi, it's life trying to tell you something that you haven't realized yet. And I do not mean that you "missed" one of them and should rekindle.
> 
> A lot of the times it seems that patterns repeat themselves for a reason and until you figure out what it is you are to learn from that, it will continue. I don't mean something about the relationships necessarily but about yourself.
> 
> ...


Hey there, 

I read what you said and am just trying to process and figure out how it applies to me. 

I am LOVING empty nest and not wanting to hook up with ANYONE at the current time. I am having to much fun living life again, going out with friends, music events, have something planned for every single weekend of this summer so far. I have not gone into crisis over it, minus the first week of crying non stop since my oldest son moved out. I am loving the new me and not wanting to saddle down with one person but having to much fun hanging out with people in general. 

This thread was started not because I am trying to figure out my life, but because I am trying to figure out if guys who you have dated in the past keep coming back because they want to continue dating even though years have passed between times. And why?


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

City Bound said:


> billy you do not need a young one.
> 
> I think it is great when when people can just relax and be natural together as co workers, neighbors, friends, because if there really is some love potential it will just come out naturally through mutual exposure and then you have one of those really nice comfortable relationships where both people just get to be themselves.


I hear that! Way too much baggage! I'm definitely not young, dumb, and full ...
Well, I'm not young anyway:hrm:


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Quote: from cindilu
This thread was started not because I am trying to figure out my life, but because I am trying to figure out if guys who you have dated in the past keep coming back because they want to continue dating even though years have passed between times. And why?

Why, why, why... You stirred it up cl. The why is because women are from Venus and men are from Mars. No one will ever figure it out. But it's still fun to talk about. 

So get back on that Harley and TEAR IT UP, MOMMA!


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

Why? Most likely because you left a good impression on them. That is my optimistic interpretation.

There are some women from my past that left a good impression on me that would consider revisting. Will I revisit them? Most likley not because I am haunted by the horizon and it keeps calling me onward to whatever is new and wonderous awaiting me.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

City Bound said:


> Why? Most likely because you left a good impression on them. That is my optimistic interpretation.
> 
> There are some women from my past that left a good impression on me that would consider revisting. Will I revisit them? Most likley not because I am haunted by the horizon and it keeps calling me onward to whatever is new and wonderous awaiting me.


This reminds me of "Two Out Of Three Aint Bad", Meatloaf.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

[youtube]TgK6dBefpu8[/youtube]


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

I have decided to go straight to the source and come right out and ask them.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

You know what I think, Cindilu? I think you were caught up in the emotions of your son moving and since it happened at the same time as the gym guy (notice I refuse to refer to someone by the color of their skin) you might have been more emotional than usual.

I am sure that if you had met him and all this had transpired during a less emotional time in your life you wouldn't have blinked an eye saying goodbye to him!!!


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

shanzone2001 said:


> You know what I think, Cindilu? I think you were caught up in the emotions of your son moving and since it happened at the same time as the gym guy (notice I refuse to refer to someone by the color of their skin) you might have been more emotional than usual.
> 
> I am sure that if you had met him and all this had transpired during a less emotional time in your life you wouldn't have blinked an eye saying goodbye to him!!!


NO kidding on that, both happened at the same time and I was a hot mess there for a bit. 

We are over that thank heavens.


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