# Gardening can be depressing



## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

While looking at some amazing pictures Elkhound posted, like many of you, I began to get inspired to get busy in the garden. Then it hit me that I would be planting a garden for 1 again this year. I planted a huge garden last year hoping that it wouldn't be just me when it came time to harvest. Heck I couldn't even give away veggies and wild critters ended up getting a lot of it.

This is the first time in my life that I am simply not excited about gardening. The prospect of having nobody to share it with is overwhelmingly depressing. This surprised the socks off of me as I have always been an enthusiastic gardener.

Are there any homesteading activities that bother you to do or that you don't do because you are single?


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

nope.....i am going to do as much as i can, when i can, as often as i can, no matter the number of people.

my love of homesteading and such wonderful things doesn't hinge on another..

i have tried to give food away in past...i tell people you can have it if you pick it. if i pick it i will can it myself. in all my years of gardening i only had 2 show up...onepicked a few squash and said this is hardwork...the other filled buckets of green beans up from vines i was through canning from for myself.


focus on the good and positive and try ya best not to dwell on bad,sad and negative to bring yaself down.

its a wonderful life....dream it,do it and live it.


"lifes a garden...dig it"...joe dirt !!


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

elkhound said:


> nope.....i am going to do as much as i can, when i can, as often as i can, no matter the number of people.
> 
> My love of homesteading and such wonderful things doesn't hinge on another..
> 
> ...


*Amen.*


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

you know whats really depressing in a garden...root maggots,cut worms and high wind on corn just about ready to pick......that hurts my feelings big time.


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## dlskidmore (Apr 18, 2012)

I'm not single, but I do sometimes grow more than just two of us can use. We've driven down to the homeless shelter with supplies. I asked them what they wanted more of, and they said lettuce, which surprised me because lettuce goes bad so quick, but they serve salad with every meal and go through a lot of it. Ask your local food pantries and shelters what they want and grow that, just keeping out the portion you need for yourself. Shelters are more likely to want perishable goods, food pantries are not always open every day or have enough clients every day to go through perishables.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

My oldest has left home and my youngest is not into vegetables. I had intended to make a flourishing yard with glorious food and a impressed family, but that never DID happen and now it ever will: my family is simply not into vegetables and they do not CARE that the eggs were laid just moments ago! They would rather eat poptarts!

So, I know just a bit how you feel.

Last year I made a decision. I decided that I would raise what I loved raising, and give it all to the food pantry if it were not wanted. And I DID! I imagined kids eating bell pepper strips and I found it rewarding! Especially as the staff was glad to see me bringing in the cukes and such. 

I love my garden full of nourishing and lovely vegetables, and while we may not need them there are some folks who could use the vitamins! May they be that much healthier for them.


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## Ramblin Wreck (Jun 10, 2005)

It's the deer that hurt my feelings come gardening time or fruit harvesting time or hunting season time ('cause the great white hunters around here can't seem to harvest the buggers when the season is open...first day after the season is over though, one or more of us will probably plow into one with a car or truck).


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## reneedarley (Jun 11, 2014)

It's the snow at midsummer that hurt my feelings this year :facepalm:


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## DW (May 10, 2002)

it's the grasshoppers that "kill" me...I am thrilled every year when they are not bad


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

I'm with Elk on this one. I always want a BIG garden with LOTS of stuff in it. What I cannot eat I offer to others. If no one wants to come get veggies then the cows can have it. 

I draw the line at harvesting, washing and carrying food to those who don't have the initiative to come get it for themselves. 

I gave a bunch of chickens to a fellow once--told him he could have as many as his freezer would hold. He came and got a half dozen of them, skinned and gutted them in my barnyard while I was away. Same fellow asked me once if I was planting a garden "again this year". I answered in the affirmative and he said "Well, I guess there is no need for me to plant one then". Wrong thing to say.


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## dlskidmore (Apr 18, 2012)

I'm too far out of town for those without cars to come to me. Even if they did, they'd spend enough gas to significantly eat into the "free food" budget. If I drive in to the shelter the gas is burned once instead of once for every person helped.


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## Paumon (Jul 12, 2007)

TxMex said:


> While looking at some amazing pictures Elkhound posted, like many of you, I began to get inspired to get busy in the garden. Then it hit me that I would be planting a garden for 1 again this year. I planted a huge garden last year *hoping that it wouldn't be just me when it came time to harvest. Heck I couldn't even give away veggies and wild critters ended up getting a lot of it.*
> 
> *This is the first time in my life that I am simply not excited about gardening. The prospect of having nobody to share it with is overwhelmingly depressing.* This surprised the socks off of me as I have always been an enthusiastic gardener.
> 
> Are there any homesteading activities that bother you to do or that you don't do because you are single?


Maybe you're due to do some gardening for a different reason besides the harvest of things to eat, even if it's for just a temporary change of pace. Gardening doesn't have to be only about food.

I don't garden with the harvest of food as the ultimate goal. I garden for the joy of doing it, for the pleasure of all my senses and my health, for the beauty of it and for the benefit of nature around me. If I get some things that are edible to harvest from it later that's just an added bonus but it's not the sole purpose and is not essential to me.


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

There is something magical, yet primal, about gardening. Its a delight to all of the senses. It gets you down and makes you look at and notice things you wouldn't otherwise. I feel such a connection to the earth when I'm digging, weeding, harvesting, etc.


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## Buffy in Dallas (May 10, 2002)

Plant flowers! Lots of flowers!


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

I'm with paumon and handymama...the food was a bonus. I just love tending to things and watching them grow...even thorn bushes. I'd jump at the chance to have the "problem" of space to plant something in right now. But...I will make it until I can get back home....which should need plenty of tending now that I have been gone almost 3 years.


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## CountryWannabe (May 31, 2004)

To me the garden represents hope. The hope of watching something grow and develop and nourish. Whether it nourishes me or someone else is really by the by. 

If you don't want to grow vegetables this year - plant some flowers. Flowers that you can cut and admire. That have a delicious perfume that will make you smile.

As some of you know - my DH died a few days ago. I am planning my garden for next year as I have done in years past. I am simply looking for normality right now. A reassurance that life will go on. But I will be planting a few flowers as well as veggies this year

Mary


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Wanna get happy? How 'bout better concentration? Or, possibly even increased disease fighting abilities?

Do like elk. _*Dig it!!*_

A strain of bacterium in soil can help.

_"Mycobacterium vaccae, has been found to trigger the release of seratonin, which in turn elevates mood and decreases anxiety. And on top of that, this little bacterium has been found to improve cognitive function and possibly even treat cancer and other diseases. Which means that contact with soil, through gardening or other means, is beneficial."_

http://www.hortmag.com/blogs/gardening-blog/dirt-can-make-you-happy

I saw this and posted it about two or three years ago. In addition, vitamin D3 can help you get through the winter doldrums when the amount of sunlight you'd normally be exposed to in summer is reduced.

There. One more reason to...Do It In The Dirt!!


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

mary...so sorry for your loss...garden on...its needed now more than ever !!


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

CountryWannabe said:


> To me the garden represents hope. The hope of watching something grow and develop and nourish. Whether it nourishes me or someone else is really by the by.
> 
> If you don't want to grow vegetables this year - plant some flowers. Flowers that you can cut and admire. That have a delicious perfume that will make you smile.
> 
> ...


May God Bless You Mary, my thought are with You this Christmas.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

My condolences as well Mary. I think you have the right idea to fall back on the regular, every day comforts you need so much right now. I didn't know. I wish for you, that this new year will see you coping with the passing of your beloved DH in a way that allows you to cherish your memories, as well as make peace with your loss.


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## RichNC (Aug 22, 2014)

I am so sorry for your loss Mary, so sorry. 

To the OP, be glad you have room to garden, and can physically do it, and stop finding things to be depressed about. So you don't have a man, well a lot of other women and men don't either, try to be happy with what you have.


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## sdnapier (Aug 13, 2010)

TxMex said:


> While looking at some amazing pictures Elkhound posted, like many of you, I began to get inspired to get busy in the garden. Then it hit me that I would be planting a garden for 1 again this year. I planted a huge garden last year hoping that it wouldn't be just me when it came time to harvest. Heck I couldn't even give away veggies and wild critters ended up getting a lot of it.
> 
> This is the first time in my life that I am simply not excited about gardening. The prospect of having nobody to share it with is overwhelmingly depressing. This surprised the socks off of me as I have always been an enthusiastic gardener.
> 
> Are there any homesteading activities that bother you to do or that you don't do because you are single?


Sending a PM


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

CountryWannabe said:


> As some of you know - my DH died a few days ago. I am planning my garden for next year as I have done in years past. I am simply looking for normality right now. A reassurance that life will go on. But I will be planting a few flowers as well as veggies this year
> 
> Mary


I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Hugs!!


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## DEKE01 (Jul 17, 2013)

My seed order arrived from Southern Exposure today!!! Warm season transplant trays will get started in a couple of weeks. And cool season things will go in the ground as soon as I get back from an Xmas visit to the in-laws in a week. The two year old peach trees have 3/4 inch fruits that have to be thinned. 

Sunday, the pastor of the neighborhood Lutheran church agreed to send teens to harvest the surplus later this year for their weekly soup kitchen. 

And while I was puttering around the garden today, mowing, pulling weeds, checking turnips, for the first time ever, DW and DD came riding up on their horses with our BDE (best dog ever!) running along beside them. DW and BDE moved here last month and DD is home from college. This week is the first time we've ever all been on the farm together. 

Then it started raining which saved me from a 4 hour chore of watering 100+ fruit trees. Life is good and it will be even better once my irrigation system is installed. Merry Christmas! Best wishes to those of you alone this Christmas.


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

I have tomatoes and jalapenos growing in two of my worm bins now.


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

TxMex said:


> This is the first time in my life that I am simply not excited about gardening. *The prospect of having nobody to share it with is overwhelmingly depressing. * This surprised the socks off of me as I have always been an enthusiastic gardener.


Aww, honey...but you_ do_ have somebody to share it with! Share your garden goodness with a few folks who loved to garden, but can no longer grub in the dirt like they used to. I guarantee their eyes will light up, and they will bless you with the goofiest smiles you ever did see... They would be more appreciative of what you shared than anyone else in the world!


.


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

(((Mary & TxMex))), my prayers are with you both. We three have recently lost someone dear to us...

May you find comfort in your garden. I do. There's just something about being so close to God's creation that warms the heart and calms the soul...


.


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## spacecase0 (Jul 12, 2012)

I moved to where I am now to be with family, grew a big garden, lots of things that they said they wanted, as it turns out they did not want much from the garden at all.
it was pretty depressing, 
now I have a better idea of what they will eat, so it is not so bad now.
but something else came up, it turns out that I can't be out in direct sun ever again, 
I can just wear full covering clothes, gloves, and hat, but it does not work well out in the sun when it is 105F in the shade, so I have to go garden at night in the summer, and in this area it is just not safe to do that, 
I have no one to go lookout for large animals that would hunt me while I garden at night, not even sure how I am going to deal with that issue
it has to be the saddest gardening event ever in my life, I am going to miss the sun more than I can express
I looked all over the web, and it turns out that vampires just don't garden. (other than me)
but like all things, there are solutions, and nothing lasts forever, don't loose hope 

TxMex, and all the others that have no one at the moment, 
my heart goes out to you,


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

Could you garden in a really big greenhouse? That's awful. I'm so sorry.


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

SpaceCase, try indoor gardening. I do it, and it's a blast! Regular ol' cheapie fluorescent shop lights will grow the most awesome edible greens ever. (It will help to take the edge off the "gotta-get-in-the-garden" disease that we seem to have, lol.) The only time you need higher powered full-spectrum lighting is when you want to grow flowering veggies such as tomatoes, etc. 

Sweet potato vines are beautifully exotic looking and can be grown near any window or under fluorescent lights. The leaves are absolutely delicious and powerfully nutritious, too. They are sold in markets and eaten in other parts of the world, including Caribbean islands, Africa and Asian countries (and in my kitchen too). Google it and be amazed. The mild tasting leaves can be added to soups, stews, omelettes...or prepared as a side dish. Yum!

If you think you will be in your location for a while, you may want to consider putting up some kind of fencing around the garden area (make it closer to the house) for safer dawn or dusk gardening, if dangerous predators are a concern. Electric fencing is quick, cheap and easy to install. 

My current homeplace is cursed (or blessed, during hunting season, lol) with an over abundance of bears (and now mountain lions too). I am hearing impaired, but a lil' barker-dog is mighty handy as a warning alarm system. I garden with a shotgun in a sling over my shoulder. Maybe you could do the same? Some folks think crossbows can be awesomely handy, too. 

Motion detector lights rigged around the garden (pointed outward) will alert you to predators and give you good shooting light in the dark.

Right now, I am back in Louisiana taking care of family business and dealing with swamp monstas, lol. I don't know which is worse. Seems like everywhere I go, there's something out there bigger than me to worry about. Well, one good thing. I have good recipes for bear chili, alligator sauce piquant, etc. 

What kind of critters are you concerned about? I'm sure I'll have a good recipe to share. Mais cher! Don't be afraid of anything you can eat!




.


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

SpaceCase, maybe you could also consider gardening during the milder early Spring and late Fall, and going out early in AM and late, late afternoon. Then wearing long sleeves, etc. won't be so restrictive. Also sun is not as powerful then, and you could wear much thinner fabrics then, too.

I am about to cut mid summer gardening out of my schedule because of the heat and bug problems. And the never-ending summertime watering chores are a serious pain in the neck, too. I'll be planting stuff that can survive without my help... Old time heirloom Seminole squash, etc.

Good luck to you!



.


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## spacecase0 (Jul 12, 2012)

mountain lions are the largest risk here, 
I like the idea of motion sensing lighting around the fence of the garden, that might work
close to the house or fences will not happen here due to trees, other people, and building codes 
my electricity is from solar here, not cost effective to not just use the sun direct on the plants, 
greens are one thing, but getting base calories from solar electric is far out of my price range 
along with the rest of what is up with me, I can't really eat much meat either, so i will just jerky all of it and have it tiny bit at a time (if I get any)
allergic to Sweet potatoes, but have a mountain yam that does well here if I keep the gophers away, 
been breeding a cold weather rice crop that seems like it is going to work out quite well, 
and rice is super easy to grow, takes nothing flat to up the water level to one inch over the soil 
one rice plant is still living and seems to be perennial if it does not get colder than just frost 
quite excited about that...
I guess after all that has gone wrong, I am still an optimist


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## spacecase0 (Jul 12, 2012)

CajunSunshine said:


> SpaceCase, maybe you could also consider gardening during the milder early Spring and late Fall, and going out early in AM and late, late afternoon. Then wearing long sleeves, etc. won't be so restrictive. Also sun is not as powerful then, and you could wear much thinner fabrics then, too.
> 
> I am about to cut mid summer gardening out of my schedule because of the heat and bug problems. And the never-ending summertime watering chores are a serious pain in the neck, too. I'll be planting stuff that can survive without my help... Old time heirloom Seminole squash, etc.
> 
> ...


that is pretty much what I did this summer, 
even Seminole squash needs watered here, (grew it 2 summers ago and did not like eating it) 
I can get a potato harvest spring and fall without watering them, 
extreme dryland methods work quite well here in the spring for a pea, radish, turnip, and suspect turnip harvest 
most winter grains do fine in low solar activity years (like the last few), but I am allergic to them as well...
I have a off grid system worked out for food here, but sadly I can't live on it, or even harvest it for that matter (painful attempt was made)
I am testing more things this winter and likely it will work, just takes time.


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

Check this out... www.bountifulgardens.org/ 

These folks specialize in seeds for food plants that are sustainable, high calorie and grow in demanding conditions.

I grow a lot of greens near trees, along with other low-light garden veggies because I live on the north side of a mountain in thick woods. There is only one little spot where tomatoes and such can live happy. The rest is a challenge!

Hmmm. No recipes for minoux cats, lol. I can tell you that they don't like barkers at all. I've seen pictures of mountain lions treed by neighbor's dogs, and the cats won't come down until the dogs are gone. 

Do be careful. I worry about the cats more than gators or bears, because they are so... stalky. Tip: Do not be a creature of habit, such as going out at the same times every day. Mix it up. The cats study things like this. Do not have prey animals living near the garden. Definitely have light/sound activated motion sensors. I also have a Water Scarecrow (motion sensor that shoots water, lol). 

I also have solar powered electric fencing. Strips of meat draped over the lower wires is a great training aid to deter all kinds of critters...




.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

TxMex said:


> While looking at some amazing pictures Elkhound posted, like many of you, I began to get inspired to get busy in the garden. Then it hit me that I would be planting a garden for 1 again this year. I planted a huge garden last year hoping that it wouldn't be just me when it came time to harvest. Heck I couldn't even give away veggies and wild critters ended up getting a lot of it.
> 
> This is the first time in my life that I am simply not excited about gardening. The prospect of having nobody to share it with is overwhelmingly depressing. This surprised the socks off of me as I have always been an enthusiastic gardener.
> 
> *Are there any homesteading activities that bother you to do or that you don't do because you are single?*


Ex and I never did anything together......so.........
I will miss the extra set of hands to do heavy lifting.......well, no I won't because my son will do that for me!!!

I had this 'vision' in my mind of 'how it was going to be' but it was not, nor was it ever his vision. 
The *hardest* part for me to was to realize: it was all in my head, and never real anyway.....so there's nothing to miss!!

My homestead sold last week.
I will be starting from scratch.
Now, I could spend my time whining around about "how it could have been and should have been" OR I can get off my arce and CREATE whatever I want, however I want, where ever I want.

I may not grow 125 tomato plants this year.
I may not get one thing in the ground this year.
God is still good.

I am so sorry your heart hurts.
If you love gardening.......then you get out there and get after it.
Pick a family you can 'garden for' or pick a charity you can garden for.
Someone would LOVE to have bags of frozen veggies!!!
If you are used to a huge garden, scale back and then you can spend more time fussing over the soil / sun / water / compost feed and maybe harvest more on less plants?
Experiment with new seeds.
See if there are any 4-H kids in the area that would like to help.
See if there is a girl scout troop that may be working towards a badge, and they could come out an help.....

I wish you were closer lady! We could garden our guts out together!!

PS: Ignore the nonsense.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Wannabe: Been there, done that. The first holidays are the hardest. To watch the world celebrate while you are in misery is hard indeed, but time heals and you will one day be able to smile and laugh again. 

Plan the garden, look about you and plod on thru the sad days. In time they'll go away. 
Ox


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## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

There is nothing more theraputic than sticking your hands in the dirt.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

SpaceCase, YOU can DO it!!!

My own solution was to go out at sunrise and sunset, and to carry a large glass of ice with a little water. That way I can douse my shirt with ice water if I start to overheat. A few of my shirts get a bit TRANSPARENT, but there is never anybody out here to see me! 

I toy with the idea of also bringing a solar powered fan out with me on a small cart, but I do not wish to pull the cart! For now, the ice water dribbled on my arms and shirt are working.


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## Paumon (Jul 12, 2007)

spacecase0 said:


> ....... but something else came up, it turns out that I can't be out in direct sun ever again, I can just wear full covering clothes, gloves, and hat, but it does not work well out in the sun when it is 105F in the shade, so I have to go garden at night in the summer, and in this area it is just not safe to do that,
> 
> .....*but like all things, there are solutions*,


I had to stop working in direct sunlight 30 years ago. When temps get into the high 90's to 100's I don't work outside at all in daytime and do all my gardening in the evenings in the hours just before and after sunset. In high summer sunset doesn't happen here til around 9:30 pm and it doesn't get truly dark til 11:30 so I still have a window of about 6 - 7 hours total of cooler temperatures in natural light in the evenings. Portable lights provide for the rest if I want to work longer after midnight and the portable lights and a radio is a deterrent to the cougars and bears but I usually don't bother with the radio. I'd rather be able to hear all the other animals around and if strangers or something big and predatory comes nearby the smaller animals all give advance warning anyway so I can be alert and prepared. I keep a firearm, some bear spray and a sling shot handy but have never had to use them. All the sharp tools that I use for gardening can also be used as weapons if necessary but I've never had to use them for that purpose either. 

On days when it's sunny but not too unbearably hot I do work outside in daylight and wear broad brimmed straw hats and silk garments to cover up. Silk is best for protection from direct light, it reflects UV light, is light weight, breathable and wicks moisture away quickly. I get them from second hand shops and thrift stores like Value Village. The idea for wearing silk came from observing so many Asian farmers here working outside fully covered in light coloured silk garments for hours and hours in all kinds of weather.

I always keep a spray bottle full of water in it and keep my whole body spritzed with that often. When silk garments are sprayed with water it has an even more enhanced cooling effect as it's drying which is better than just spraying the water on exposed skin alone.

I try to make a point of always working in shade. I time my activity so that I follow the sun around the garden spots so that I'm always in the shade of something. If there's no shade available I take my shade with me in the form of light weight portable patio umbrellas supported by adjustable tripod stands. Two of these in line with each other and with a shade cloth or tarp draped and clothes-pegged over the two of them together creates a shaded area like a long tent that's quite large to work under. The yellow one pictured below was the example I found of a tripod stand on internet, but the umbrellas I use are both dark blue so I don't often have to use a cover on them. 

The umbrellas are good to use in the dark too because if you hook up a portable light or trouble light under one or more of the umbrellas it reflects way more light from the underside of the umbrella than what you would have without the umbrella. Some aluminum foil on the underside of the umbrella reflects even more light again so often only one light is needed.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

TxMex, my condolences on the loss of your loved one.

I can perhaps relate to how you feel. I was an only child, born when my parents were older, and they died pretty young by today's standards. I have a few elderly aunts and uncles I haven't seen in almost a decade, and cousins I wouldn't recognize if I passed them on the street (unlikely, since most live 2 states away).

Many of us, especially as we get older, may find ourselves in a place where (to put it plainly) no one loves us. And that is indeed a sad and lonely place ... but I think the remedy may be to simply_ go out and love others_! Maybe you'll be loved in return, or perhaps not -- life doesn't come with guarantees! -- but in any case, you'll be shining a light in the darkness. I mean, what would happen if everybody just sat back and waited for someone to love _them_?


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

willow_girl said:


> TxMex, my condolences on the loss of your loved one.
> 
> I can perhaps relate to how you feel. I was an only child, born when my parents were older, and they died pretty young by today's standards. I have a few elderly aunts and uncles I haven't seen in almost a decade, and cousins I wouldn't recognize if I passed them on the street (unlikely, since most live 2 states away).
> 
> Many of us, especially as we get older, may find ourselves in a place where (to put it plainly) no one loves us. And that is indeed a sad and lonely place ... but I think the remedy may be to simply_ go out and love others_! Maybe you'll be loved in return, or perhaps not -- life doesn't come with guarantees! -- but in any case, you'll be shining a light in the darkness. I mean, what would happen if everybody just sat back and waited for someone to love _them_?


Thanks. My Daddy died when I was 13. My Mother is evil/useless. My Grandparents pretty much raised me since Daddy worked such long hours. My Grandpa died when I was 14, so it was like losing 2 Dad's in 1 year. Everyone else that I cared about is dead.

I am the one that reaches out. I am that friend that you call when you need something. I try loving others but there's not a lot of reciprocation. 

Today I am thankful for my ex. He came over and spent the day with me even though my eyes are nearly swollen shut from crying and I've just about lost my voice. Yes, I know there is likely an ulterior motive, but right now I don't really care.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Folks, everybody heals at their own pace. 

As a rule of thumb, folks HAVE TO grieve BEFORE they can heal and rebuild. Some things cannot be sped up: for grieving there are no shortcuts!


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

It's okay to have a pity party once in a while. It's healthy actually and better than holding it in all the time. I've cried up rolls of toilet paper before, shoot I even threw myself a pity party in there about three pages long last year. I haven't had one since...it was good to get it out and let someone, anyone, maybe no one if they didn't read it know that something was happening and sometimes that's how you meet people it's happen to to that can't don't or won't have a pity party so they know that they aren't the only ones that break sometimes, and that is is okay to break sometimes. It's okay to say you've had enough and can't take one more thing.

Get it out TxMex...send it off out of you...cry it on your pillow, stomp the ground...be mad, sad and angry. Howl at the moon, shake the trees, scream at the stars.

Many people won't understand but for a lot of us, it's how the strong stay standing.

I Am a Wild Woman - by Melissa Clary (aka, Bright Star Woman)

I am a wild woman
I know, inspite of myself
and in spite of what I've been told
that there's beauty in every age
no matter how old

I am a wild woman
I've learned what it means to be a life bearer
to bear children
to create art
to plant seeds of love

I am a wild woman
from the depths of the dirt underneath my fingernails
to the height of my very soul
I am one with the Earth
the winds from the four directions whisper through my skin

I am a wild woman
and the spirit of every wild woman coalesces in me
for we are each wild women
and we are all the spirit of the wild woman
I will follow the voice in my heart

I am a wild woman
I sing from my heart
I dance with the stars
I howl at the moon
I love uncontrollably

I am a wild woman
from the deepest, darkest, most sacred part of me
I am fearless
I cry in strength
I open my arms to the sky and welcome the rain

I am a wild woman
I nurture, love and protect
I stand, strongly, silently, sweetly for my brothers
I walk dutifully, prayerfully, joyfully upon the mother
and I will not be stopped


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

When you are sliding down a rope at warp speed, you tend to burn your hands.
Life is like that......some times it just poopin' hurts. And you're sick of the slide.
Tex, when you get to the end of the rope, burnt hands and all, tie a knot and hang on.
What you are feeling / experiencing is VERY REAL. 
It's not pity you seek, and what you are going thru is NO party.
You have come to the place in life where you have more questions than answers; not enough people around you day to day to give / suggest answers and came here because 99% of the time, folks are gentle, but stern, and definitely NOT mean spirited.....
But you will get those that should hold their tongue, (or fingers) that do not.

Like strangers that you walk past with stinky perfume or BO........hold you breath and move away from the stench as fast as you can. 
Don't look back. 
Don't try to tell them they are stinky.....just run.  
Ditto on comments that are not helpful.

www.meetup.com

It's not a dating site, it's a site where folks get together to do an activity.
Like play cards, or hike, or whatever.
Heck you can even start you own group if you want.

Once I get to FLA I will be checking this out big time!!!
Hang in there lady....I wish I could give you a big ole bear hug!!


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> I am the one that reaches out. I am that friend that you call when you need something. I try loving others but there's not a lot of reciprocation.


Don't keep score. That's not the point.
_
You want to see more love in the world? Be the one to put it there. _


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## Paumon (Jul 12, 2007)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> www.meetup.com
> 
> It's not a dating site, it's a site where folks get together to do an activity.
> Like play cards, or hike, or whatever.
> ...


That meetup site gets a big :thumb: from me and it's one I've recommended in the past to a lot of people locally here where I am. It's great because you can narrow your search down to groups in your own community or expand to nationwide or internationally. Even if you don't want to or are unable to actually meet up with groups in your community in your area of interest you can still connect up online with many individuals or groups either in your community or all the way across the continent or on the other side of the world.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

I asked several times that this thread not be reposted. I'm very hurt that it has been, especially since all the ugly stuff wasn't deleted out of it. 

ST has filled a pretty big void in my life up until now. Somewhere I could come and share. That is no longer the case. Someone that does not normally post in this forum came in and proceeded to beat up on me. It doesn't matter that he didn't use his fists. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but they'll heal.....hurtful words last forever. This was the straw that broke the camels back. I explained why this was not welcome and he just kept coming at me. Since I would not tolerate someone doing this in real life I see no reason to tolerate it online.

So I may visit and may comment occasionally, but I will certainly not ever share here again. I really didn't need to become even more isolated and alone at this time, but I should be used to getting kicked in the teeth. One day I guess I'll stop trusting altogether.


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

TxMex said:


> I asked several times that this thread not be reposted. I'm very hurt that it has been, especially since all the ugly stuff wasn't deleted out of it.
> 
> ST has filled a pretty big void in my life up until now. Somewhere I could come and share. That is no longer the case. Someone that does not normally post in this forum came in and proceeded to beat up on me. It doesn't matter that he didn't use his fists. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but they'll heal.....hurtful words last forever. This was the straw that broke the camels back. I explained why this was not welcome and he just kept coming at me. Since I would not tolerate someone doing this in real life I see no reason to tolerate it online.
> 
> So I may visit and may comment occasionally, but I will certainly not ever share here again. I really didn't need to become even more isolated and alone at this time, but I should be used to getting kicked in the teeth. One day I guess I'll stop trusting altogether.


Once a thread has become a discussion with the other members of the group, it belongs to the board , not just the OP.

That is why we often remind posters to rethink their postings before they click the submit reply icon to shoot it out into the Ether for eternity.

If you want to participate occasionally or at the frequency you have been is up to you . We do not force participants to participate. We only enforce the policies of the site to ensure our little part of HT stays within limit as we did by doing mod review and pruning of over limit portions of this thread.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Amanda, it's not your style to let someone run you off like this. As you pointed out they only post on occasion, and your here all the time. I don't know the reason for the other guys post, kind of sounded to me like he was having a worse day than you were. No other reason I could see for posts like that. But I do know the reason for your posts. You were correct in assuming you had friends here, its the perfect place to share, you know that. Here's the thing.... If you don't share then likely someone else will not share, then someone else will not share, and so on, and so on. 

Please consider the factors at play this time of the year, and the factors around your specific life. You have been worn down by environmental, physical and family issues. In your normal everyday life this guys post would not even have made it past your submissions or editing room. 

In a few days we all get to start over with a new year, and I suspect you will be absorbing vitamin D via trans-dermal method south of the border, and there's no frowning allowed on the beaches of Mexico. I believe after a few weeks of vitamin therapy, some time to grieve for your Aunt, and some time away from this thread you will be back sharp as a tack ready for the 2015 planting season! 

Hey, if you don't want to plant a garden by yourself then come up here to Illinois and help me get mine in!! LOLOLOL I'll even call when it's time to can it up. That way you get to help me and get the whole experience without actually having to deal with the garden!!!! LOLOL 

See ya Amanda!!!! :kiss::thumb::buds:


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## Bellyman (Jul 6, 2013)

Hi TXMex,

I confess I didn't read every post thoroughly before starting to type. Made my heart hurt a little to read your opening post. Wish I could make things better for ya...

One of the things we kind of enjoyed was when we had extra produce from the garden and we just didn't have use for it and we took it to our local food bank. They seemed to be very appreciative of fresh stuff. They had quite a bit of boxed stuff but not a lot of fresh. I know if I were getting food there, I'd appreciate something fresh out of the garden.

I thought of something else, not sure if you'd be interested or not. You could maybe look at trying your hand at growing things maybe you wouldn't have been growing before. How about growing some wheat for your own bread or baking needs? (Might require two kinds, perhaps a hard wheat for bread and a soft wheat for pastries.) Or maybe you'd like to try your hand at some cotton and see whether you could spin it and weave it into useful things for yourself. Perhaps more of a challenge than anything all that practical but maybe the challenge would be a good thing. It would give you something to work towards that would be beyond the typical and maybe require some out of the box thinking to do things.

FWIW, I have bouts with depression at times myself. And some days really just do not go well. But the sun comes up again and there is hope for a better tomorrow even if I don't know how that's gonna happen. 

Take care. ((((((( )))))))


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

TxMex said:


> I asked several times that this thread not be reposted. I'm very hurt that it has been, especially since all the ugly stuff wasn't deleted out of it.
> 
> ST has filled a pretty big void in my life up until now. Somewhere I could come and share. That is no longer the case. Someone that does not normally post in this forum came in and proceeded to beat up on me. It doesn't matter that he didn't use his fists. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but they'll heal.....hurtful words last forever. This was the straw that broke the camels back. I explained why this was not welcome and he just kept coming at me. Since I would not tolerate someone doing this in real life I see no reason to tolerate it online.
> 
> So I may visit and may comment occasionally, but I will certainly not ever share here again. I really didn't need to become even more isolated and alone at this time, but I should be used to getting kicked in the teeth. One day I guess I'll stop trusting altogether.


I hope not.

I posted thoughts before that I wished could take back and that I do not let out of my containment system. A reader described it to me as unbridled journaling and that it was good to do. (exact words lost forever) The person explained it as writing and did not try to fix me.

When we plant, do we know if we will harvest? There are weeds. You know what to do with them. 

We have seen that you have some very real friends.


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## littlebitfarm (Mar 21, 2005)

doingitmyself said:


> Hey, if you don't want to plant a garden by yourself then come up here to Illinois and help me get mine in!! LOLOLOL I'll even call when it's time to can it up. That way you get to help me and get the whole experience without actually having to deal with the garden!!!! LOLOL
> 
> See ya Amanda!!!! :kiss::thumb::buds:


Whoa! Time out! She's stopping at my place and telling me how I'm screwing up with bees, planting my garden, then she can head north! 

Kathie


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

Being my usual shallow self...can anyone find the hidden horse in TexMex's avatar? Quick, they're coming for me to take me to the dining hall. Apparently, I don't see things the way normal people do.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I love to garden, and Id like to put in a big garden. I have all the tools, Big, medium and small. But I also like the challange of seeing how much I can get into my 18 X 36 as I know that someday thats what ill be down to. With water being a problem here, thats about all I wnt to have to water.
I hope that when I get moved up by my kids that theyll be interested in either helping me garden, OR at least healping me eat out of it, AND ill have water up there which will make a huge difference in attitude
I h


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

littlebitfarm said:


> Whoa! Time out! She's stopping at my place and telling me how I'm screwing up with bees, planting my garden, then she can head north!
> 
> Kathie


Well, she drives a Prius and has time, so I think she can make time for both of us. Actually I think the best plan is she could come this far north first and help me plant, I can take her to our favorite Mexican eatery, then head back your ways. That way she's fed, and all rested up from a relaxing day in the garden so you girls can sit on the deck. You can break out some of that awesome coffee cake, have a shot of whatever women folk drink and engage in some sturdy woman talk, you know like bees, spinning, chickens, kitchen skills and all will be as it should be. Then you both could come back up this way and I could invite a few more friends and cook a hunk of beast on the grill... ya that's how we can do it!!! LOLOL


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## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

Bret said:


> Being my usual shallow self...can anyone find the hidden horse in TexMex's avatar? Quick, they're coming for me to take me to the dining hall. Apparently, I don't see things the way normal people do.


 Bret - I guess I'm shallow too, for certain I don't see the world like others. Everytime time I see TexMex's avatar I don't see a hidden horse, but one of the woods monsters from the "The Village". All it needs is a splash of red. :facepalm:

TexMex - I'm sorry you were hurt/are hurting. I don't think the offending post was meant to hurt. It seems your feelings were too tender for the direct sharp edged delivery. You couldn't help your feelings being extra tender, you are grieving, and he might not can help his delivery, some of us are just direct in our speech. 

I don't really understand the part about 'he doesn't normally post here'. He made read here everyday and just not post. Sometimes we read others postings and responses so long we feel we 'know' them. But we don't. I didn't know you were grieving a loved one until after the upset and you posted it. I didn't know it was your aunt until I saw it in DIM's response today. What I'm trying to say is, we think we know someone or some situation and we respond according that perception. 

If you feel you must leave, then you must, but I wouldn't take my marbles and leave over this anymore than I'd stop my infrequent posting over a misunderstanding. But then its not about me, huh?

And for what it's worth, I've miscontrued a post and responded incorrectly. I didn't have all the information needed to understand the post. But if we all erred on the side of caution, no one would ever respond to a post.


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## Paumon (Jul 12, 2007)

Bret said:


> Being my usual shallow self...can anyone find the hidden horse in TexMex's avatar? Quick, they're coming for me to take me to the dining hall. Apparently, I don't see things the way normal people do.


I had to go squinty eyed to spot it but I do see it. Only it looks to me more like a goat or a pit bull than a horse.


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## homebody (Jan 24, 2005)

TxMx, I would miss your posts if you leave. I read almost every subject here and am familiar with a few posters and their trials and tribulations. btdt is my response sometimes as I read. Most of ya'll are more real to me than some on the other sections of the forum.
I am asking TxMx to stay, she makes st so real and can so very eloquently put her thoughts down. Her openness is refreshing and I'm sorry someone was sharp with her. I know first hand if you open up, that the spiteful will sometimes attack, hey, they do it in real everyday life, too. Try to roll with the punches and let no one have power over you. We need you, you are a part of this body,to leave would make a hole here that no one else can fill.


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

homebody said:


> TxMx, I would miss your posts if you leave. I read almost every subject here and am familiar with a few posters and their trials and tribulations. btdt is my response sometimes as I read. Most of ya'll are more real to me than some on the other sections of the forum.
> I am asking TxMx to stay, she makes st so real and can so very eloquently put her thoughts down. Her openness is refreshing and I'm sorry someone was sharp with her. I know first hand if you open up, that the spiteful will sometimes attack, hey, they do it in real everyday life, too. Try to roll with the punches and *let no one have power over you.* We need you, you are a part of this body,to leave would make a hole here that no one else can fill.


This ^^^^^^^^^


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## Guest (Dec 31, 2014)

You are always welcomed here....you and that little dog who doesn't know he's a dog...there's a cool little house for sale directly across the street from us..just the right size...they'll rent if that's what you want...you can live there, or visit with us...no ex allowed..LOL..see Missouri..bring your bees..no work necessary!
Just bask in being loved....and of course we'd borrow your tools..ROFLOL..oh..and I work with hundreds of correction officers!!! We'll have a party!


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## Paumon (Jul 12, 2007)

bostonlesley said:


> You are always welcomed here....you and that little dog who doesn't know he's a dog...there's a cool little house for sale directly across the street from us..just the right size...they'll rent if that's what you want...you can live there, or visit with us...no ex allowed..LOL..see Missouri..bring your bees..no work necessary!
> Just bask in being loved....and of course we'd borrow your tools..ROFLOL..oh..and I work with hundreds of correction officers!!! We'll have a party!


Not to make light of TxMex's situation but I don't know how anyone could turn down an offer like that. And she could grow a garden with many likely prospects in mind. Surely, out of all those hundreds of officers, Mr. Right Stuff has to be one of them.


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## Guest (Dec 31, 2014)

Paumon said:


> Not to make light of TxMex's situation but I don't know how anyone could turn down an offer like that. And she could grow a garden with many likely prospects in mind. Surely, out of all those hundreds of officers, Mr. Right Stuff has to be one of them.



and..the little house has an acre of land


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

Bret said:


> Being my usual shallow self...can anyone find the hidden horse in TexMex's avatar? Quick, they're coming for me to take me to the dining hall. Apparently, I don't see things the way normal people do.


I realized, too late, that this has the appearance of not seeing or minimizing feelings about hurting and grieving and I am sorry.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

TxMex said:


> I asked several times that this thread not be reposted. I'm very hurt that it has been, especially since all the ugly stuff wasn't deleted out of it.


I can no longer see 'ugly' stuff.....I think it's all been deleted.



> ST has filled a pretty big void in my life up until now. Somewhere I could come and share. That is no longer the case. Someone that does not normally post in this forum came in and proceeded to beat up on me. It doesn't matter that he didn't use his fists. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but they'll heal.....hurtful words last forever. This was the straw that broke the camels back. I explained why this was not welcome and he just kept coming at me. Since I would not tolerate someone doing this in real life I see no reason to tolerate it online.


ST has been an AMAZING hang out for me too.....and yeah there are a couple a 's that love to take pokes at me (and they come in here ONLY to "poke".)
They haven't been back SINCE the last poke.
1. Everyone knows who they are
2. Everyone knows why they said what they said
3. No one takes their comments seriously, and everyone knows they are :trollface

It especially sucks, when you are already down, for someone to come in and kick the embers in your face. 
Not cool. Not at all.

UNFORTUNATELY this is a public board, and we do have to 'put up with' certain unpleasentries. J
ust like going to Wal Mart....it's no fun to stand in line in between 2 people who have not bathed in weeks.....but soon enough, we can be away from them.
((This is where the Mods clean up the mess)):thumb:



> So I may visit and may comment occasionally, but I will certainly not ever share here again. I really didn't need to become even more isolated and alone at this time, but I should be used to getting kicked in the teeth. One day I guess I'll stop trusting altogether.


When I have a major thing (especially if it's a relational / emotion based situation) I no longer lay it out there. I have a few folks I will PM, but I have been blasted enough for asking honest questions or 'letting off steam'......knowing there are those laying in wait so they can pounce and spew? Yeah no thanks. HA HA

If you ever wana let it out, you are more than welcome to PM me!!!


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Thank you all very much for you support. It truly means more than you can know. Yes, normally I'd have just given that person a set down, thumbed my nose and gone on. The timing was absolutely horrid and I just couldn't take even one more thing.....likely still can't. There is a lot more going on than just my Aunt passing. Several of you know about that and can understand. I don't put everything here on the forum. 

Lesley I am amazed at your restraint...lol....figured I'd have already received the real estate listing in my inbox by now  Hugs!

DIM and Lilbit I'll be seeing y'all in the spring! As DIM alluded to, I'm going to be headed to Mexico. I'll be starting out tomorrow. It will take me a while to get to my chosen beach. I've got a bit over 1200 miles to drive. So I may be on sporadically. Hoping to be able to relax and gain a bit of perspective while sitting on the beach sipping fresh fruit juice. I'll be posting pictures!

Thanks y'all :grouphug:


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## sidepasser (May 10, 2002)

Be careful on your journey. I envy you sitting on the beach, I love the beach and haven't been in ages. Maybe it's coming time for me to take a trip to the beach too.


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

Juice?


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

Enjoy Your Vacation, have fun, and be safe*. Everyday can be something Special, hoping that good things come Your way Amanda*


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Bret said:


> Juice?


LOL! It confuses the heck out of folks down there as well. I may be the only non-drinking Gringa in all of Mexico  

I drink alcohol so seldom that you might as well say that I don't drink. Especially when I am by myself in a foreign country, I don't figure it is a great idea not to be at my best/sharpest.

Fresh squeezed juice is amazing!!


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## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

NOw you are starting to sound more like yourself


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## Guest (Jan 1, 2015)

Ha ha!!! After 10+ years you know me well Grasshopper...the ONLY reason that 
the real estate listing wasn't plastered on a PM for you to see was that since they didn't sell it and now have a "for rent" sign up on the lawn, there is no listing to send..My devious plan was to take a photo of it tomorrow and send THAT to you...LOL...Mexico and sunshine and beaches...or...Missouri in January...easy choice !!!!! see you in the Spring..


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

whiterock said:


> NOw you are starting to sound more like yourself


It's the thought of all the great Mexican food and seafood I'm about to be eating. Fresh papaya, avocados, pineapples, mangos, fresh orange and carrot juice....oh how I miss the mercados! Afternoon snacks of a warmed tortilla folded over slices of absolutely ripe tomatoes and avocados with a bit of queso fresco sprinkled in and coarse salt....mmmmmm. Which reminds me....I need to pack my juicer!

The little $40 really really bright light setting 2 foot from my face also seems to be helping a bit along with massive doses of topical vitamin D. Texas has been like living in a cave for the last several weeks. Where the heck is the sun?!!


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