# Ok gals y'all need to leave some for the rest of us



## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Maybe it is just men in my age range. Seems like a lot of the guys that I am meeting are so messed up due to what their ex-wives have put them through that they are no longer relationship material. They'll never trust, confide, commit, etc. again with another woman. 

Will y'all please quit messing up all the available men!! :hair


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## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

I hear ya- know how many first (and last) dates I've been on? Argh!!!!

Course I live in LiberalLand, maybe, just possibly, it could be me scaring the crap out of them!


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## moonwolf (Sep 20, 2004)

Yeah, I know for myself the trustworthy issue mostly comes 
from the past ex spouse gone rogue with truth. It's unfortunate,
but I dot feel sorry for myself about it....a lesson
learned about the make up of human nature.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

Wasn't me!


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

I'm not sure about that logic Tex. If those women stop doing those things to mess the men up, then more than likely those won't be available men.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

TM Did we go out when you were a kid?? lol


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

maybe the women did it to the men because the men are the reason they did what ever they did to the men.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

That's kinda a bunch of bull. They might have been messed over but they have control over how they let it affect the rest of their life. Just like the rest of us. It's far too easy to place all the blame on the other person while refusing to admit your part. I wouldn't want anyone like that anyway. It shows a lack of maturity and personal growth.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

I don't disagree rkintn. It just seems like all I am meeting are guys with trust issues or all they can talk about is trying to figure out ways out of paying child support, etc. Maybe there just aren't any good men left. How depressing!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Mebby U got it right.

We have been messed up, AND we have control FINALLY, over our lives, so we aint gonna let it happen again. Now, back to the OP statement.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I Gave my X the check to pay the bills. She didn't pay the CS> One day they called me to the office where a nice man in a blue suit gave me a pair of bracelets and a ride downtown, or rather uptown ion W Planes Mo.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Forcast said:


> maybe the women did it to the men because the men are the reason they did what ever they did to the men.


Could you repeat that, please? But a lot sslllowwwerrr....? Thanks.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

OK GALS, YALL NEED TO LEAVE SOME FOR THE REST OF US< So we can have the chance to mess up the mens heads so that they'll never be good relationship material, so they'll never trust confide, or commit to another woman again.

WILL YALL QUIT MESSIN UP ALL THE AVAILABLE MEN


LOL


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## viggie (Jul 17, 2009)

FarmboyBill said:


> WILL YALL QUIT MESSIN UP ALL THE AVAILABLE MEN
> 
> 
> LOL


I'm sure there's a man out there for you. You are fishing in a different pond than the rest of us anyway


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

TexMex, I don't know, but I think if I went out with a guy and he talked about how to "get out" of something, I'd be REALLY glad I found out what type person he is!

If you can see a guy at possibly, the worst time in his life, and he STILL is a decent person, maybe that's the one to give a second look.

Mon


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

Ok, I'll admit it*, I am a little messed up*:nana: But I take full responsibility for myself. And I still have faith, that I could be a good partner to a Special Woman.


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Men don't want to get hurt anymore than women do. But let's face, the rules aren't the same for both genders. 

Y'all ladies had the short end for hundreds, even thousands, of years. In recent decades, most developed cultures have seen the discrimination against women go down to levels that are nearing, or much less than, those of other segments of society that get discriminated against. Your fight for nothing more than a level playing field in life has gone from some fringe groups of women's lib whackos to an accepted societal norm. 

And, in practically every way you have it. Yet, in many ways you....let's say, want to have your cake and eat it too. You want all the benefits that equality has to offer, and you willingly accept the responsibilities that accompany those benefits. Yet how many times have you heard a woman say that she feels that making the first move in relationships is a man's job. She just doesn't feel comfortable in doing it. Why? If both genders, and all things, are now equal, so is that aspect of it. See the disconnect? 

I'm all for equality of the sexes. Anybody says otherwise doesn't know me, and frankly, is talking out of their butt. Y'all have deserved that equal place for a long time and I'm happy you have it. Yet, the seed ideas behind the women's lib movement were never meant to propel women to a dominant role in society. They were simply the concepts of equality that said women are entitled to an equal share; an equal chance to prove themselves. 

Y'all, or most, have TV's. Think about all the commercials you see that denigrate men in one way or another. Is that what you want? Ya think men don't hear the underlying message there? Or, take a common word we've all heard for example; chauvinist. I wonder how many women automatically, subconsciously pair that word with male. You might think they're supposed to be connected because that pairing of words will forever be associated with the women's lib movement. So naturally, you associate it with your struggle for equality; your fight against the despicable, domineering male of the species. FYI, chauvinist _is not_ gender specific. Look it up.

What I'm getting at is, there are many subtle undertones of inequality that the men of today are suddenly finding themselves coping with. (Something y'all have a lot of experience dealing with.) IMO, this is almost assuredly due to the pendulum swinging back too far past the intended goal of the women's equality movement. 

Maybe instead of complaining about all the gun shy men out there, you could take a minute and try to realize that for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction. Try to look at the picture from another's point of view. Then, because you've been there, and done that, use some understanding and maybe even lend a helping hand to those men who now find their gender's stance in this world in a different place. Unless, of course, you're of the opinion that you don't need 'em anyway.


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## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

rkintn said:


> That's kinda a bunch of bull. They might have been messed over but they have control over how they let it affect the rest of their life. Just like the rest of us. It's far too easy to place all the blame on the other person while refusing to admit your part. I wouldn't want anyone like that anyway. It shows a lack of maturity and personal growth.


I have trust issues, and because of them, I have control over how it affects my life. Because of what went on in my marriage, I have chosen not to let another person have control of my life or my finances.

And for what it is worth, rkintn, it was well over 90% her that caused the problems, and she will admit it if anyone asks.

TxMex and I have discussed this situation between us several times. She knows far more details than I will put here, but she can back me up on this post.

BTW, I'm well above her age range.

Ed


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

The men I have encountered are players, No matter how old or young, they always want something from me...,gre: except me.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Hmmmmmmm

Maybe those men need 'mommy'....and there's a reason they are divorced; because the wife was treated like 'mommy' and he was an immature self absorbed brat?

Maybe those men are using the age old pick up line of "ooooo my mean old ex wife, wa wa wa" so YOU can show them what a REAL WOMAN is like (nudge nudge, if you know what I mean)

Maybe those men have never taken responsibility for ONE THING in their life, and all they know how to do is blame blame blame......

Maybe it's true.
Maybe he was a loving husband, upright class act, loved his wife, loved his children, was an honest, hard working man that had goals, hopes and dreams and was working towards them. Maybe he was tender with his wife, treated her like a lady, honored her as the mother of his children; his love for her was evident and obvious to all......maybe he was "Mr. Right" and she was just a psycho.

Ha, yeah right!!!

I have COMPLETE faith that there are REAL men out there. Good men. Honest men.
I know there are. 
My son, is one of them.

However comma, I highly recommend reading about Narcissism, Sociopath and Anti Social personality disorder and Boarderline Personality Disorders. 
Both men and women.
THEN choose wisely!!


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

whiterock said:


> TxMex and I have discussed this situation between us several times. She knows far more details than I will put here, but she can back me up on this post.
> 
> BTW, I'm well above her age range.
> 
> Ed


Which is a darned shame because you are a sweetheart!


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## ZEUS (Nov 28, 2014)

Look at all those potential sister wives.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

sustainabilly said:


> And, in practically every way you have it. Yet, in many ways you....let's say, want to have your cake and eat it too. You want all the benefits that equality has to offer, and you willingly accept the responsibilities that accompany those benefits. Yet how many times have you heard a woman say that she feels that making the first move in relationships is a man's job. She just doesn't feel comfortable in doing it. Why? If both genders, and all things, are now equal, so is that aspect of it. See the disconnect?


This doesn't equate. Men and women are equal, but different. Possibly this is a bit regional as well. Most men would think badly of me if I were to make the first move. However, fortunately, being southern has it's advantages and southern ladies are quite good at flirting and being friendly enough to let a fella know that they would be amenable to him showing some interest. 

Then there's me :hammer: I'm probably about as subtle as cannon fire just before dawn.



sustainabilly said:


> Y'all, or most, have TV's. Think about all the commercials you see that denigrate men in one way or another. Is that what you want? Ya think men don't hear the underlying message there? Or, take a common word we've all heard for example; chauvinist. I wonder how many women automatically, subconsciously pair that word with male. You might think they're supposed to be connected because that pairing of words will forever be associated with the women's lib movement. So naturally, you associate it with your struggle for equality; your fight against the despicable, domineering male of the species. FYI, chauvinist _is not_ gender specific. Look it up.


I don't have TV and haven't for a very long time, so I have no way of knowing what is said about men on there. We'd all be a site better off if fewer folks had TV's. 

I run into real life chauvinists all the time. I'm trying to do agricultural business in Texas. Goodness knows I've never done anything the easy way or I'd give up on this! This is one reason I still have contact with my ex. Literally I have to have him make phone calls for me to get things done because they will either not deal with a woman or will not deal fairly. No I am not exaggerating...yes it really ticks me off. In no way am I looking for special treatment, just would like to be treated as though I'm not an imbecile because of my gender.



sustainabilly said:


> Maybe instead of complaining about all the gun shy men out there, you could take a minute and try to realize that for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction. Try to look at the picture from another's point of view. Then, because you've been there, and done that, use some understanding and maybe even lend a helping hand to those men who now find their gender's stance in this world in a different place. Unless, of course, you're of the opinion that you don't need 'em anyway.


I have never made any remarks that say anything other than that I am looking for someone in my life. I've been really open and very consistent about it.

I am not complaining.....I'm actually trying to make a point(with a bit of humor which you seem to keep missing) that women are being so brutal to men when they divorce that they are giving them some major trust issues. I don't blame them....however, I didn't do this to them. 

I guess I'm a lot more resilient than many men. After what my ex put me through I should be a radical feminist and never want to speak to another man, but instead I am the gal that all my guy friends call when they need to talk to someone.


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## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

TxMex said:


> After what my ex put me through I should be a radical feminist and never want to speak to another man, but instead I am the gal that all my guy friends call when they need to talk to someone.


i had to laugh- that's me, too! I should be jaded beyond belief, but I refuse to give up. So many men that I was willing to give a hand up to, were willing to take a hand out instead. I know, my fault for not seeing the difference, but, older and wiser!

There IS someone out there for me, but he will have to pitch in and help me finish building my house:sing: Oh, and I need a chicken coop, and raised beds, and my trailer re-painted, and,and,and.....!


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

TxMex said:


> I don't disagree rkintn. It just seems like all I am meeting are guys with trust issues or all they can talk about is trying to figure out ways out of paying child support, etc. Maybe there just aren't any good men left. How depressing!


Just adopt the attitude I had when single.......Next??

I just told my DGD23 that there are millions of people in the world and half of them are male so keep trying them out until you find one. Or two. Or three.

As for trust issues...BAH. That's just an excuse and a lame one at that.


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## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

Ardie, nothing is ever an issue until it is, and when it is it is.


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## Bret (Oct 3, 2003)

FarmboyBill said:


> I Gave my X the check to pay the bills. She didn't pay the CS> One day they called me to the office where a nice man in a blue suit gave me a pair of bracelets and a ride downtown, or rather uptown ion W Planes Mo.


Did you get the run the si rene.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

I'm just not capable of that attitude Ardie. I tend to jump in with both feet and my whole heart. It's just not something I'm able to be casual about. When I was a teenager I couldn't even date more than one boy at once. It just felt weird/wrong.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

TxMex said:


> I'm just not capable of that attitude Ardie. I tend to jump in with both feet and my whole heart. It's just not something I'm able to be casual about. When I was a teenager I couldn't even date more than one boy at once. It just felt weird/wrong.


Maybe that's the issue! Dating shouldn't be so serious! Dating, for me, was going out with a guy to have fun. To laugh, to enjoy the moment...just two ppl spending time together. 

The all or nothing attitude might be driving the guys away and ileaving the not-so-desirable-ones an open path.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Bret, hard to do with my hands behind my back.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Ardie/WI said:


> Maybe that's the issue! Dating shouldn't be so serious! Dating, for me, was going out with a guy to have fun. To laugh, to enjoy the moment...just two ppl spending time together.
> 
> The all or nothing attitude might be driving the guys away and ileaving the not-so-desirable-ones an open path.


You are probably onto something there. I tend to be a pretty intense person....very focused and goal oriented. I've had several friends tell me that I probably intimidate the heck out of most men.

However, if they don't like me for me....there's not much point in dating them is there?


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## am1too (Dec 30, 2009)

TxMex said:


> Maybe it is just men in my age range. Seems like a lot of the guys that I am meeting are so messed up due to what their ex-wives have put them through that they are no longer relationship material. They'll never trust, confide, commit, etc. again with another woman.
> 
> Will y'all please quit messing up all the available men!! :hair


Unfortunately I am not like dark chocolate coffee - hot - rich and keep you up all night.


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## bigjon (Oct 2, 2013)

southern belles?does belle mean dingaling? 38yrs ago I was engaged to one.still makes me chk dark corners for moving shadows.bluejeans knows I just lately lost the love of my life-married happily for 35 1/2 years.in time I will look for another partner.don't need a mom=got one.don't need a maid=I clean up my own messes,don't need a cook-i'm a good one.i can also.just want a woman to share the rest of my life with,chores and all that life brings


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

am1too said:


> Unfortunately I am not like dark chocolate coffee - hot - rich and keep you up all night.


I have no idea what this response has to do with my original posting that you quoted.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

bigjon said:


> southern belles?does belle mean dingaling?


That's pretty danged insulting. Just thought I'd bring that to your attention just in case you'd like to rephrase or retract it.


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## am1too (Dec 30, 2009)

Fowler said:


> The men I have encountered are players, No matter how old or young, they always want something from me...,gre: except me.


That's bout what I have to say on women. All take an no give. No thanks.


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## am1too (Dec 30, 2009)

TxMex said:


> I have no idea what this response has to do with my original posting that you quoted.


Think bout it some. It is merely consumed. and the empty cup is usually tossed aside.

I have a neighbor who is looking for mr right. This means some one who can solve all her problems and play all night. She goes thru men or these superficial relationships one right after another. Her idea of love is lunch at the "y". Oh and she is the boss. All I see is she is looking for useful toys she can toss aside like trash.


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## am1too (Dec 30, 2009)

bigjon said:


> southern belles?does belle mean dingaling? 38yrs ago I was engaged to one.still makes me chk dark corners for moving shadows.bluejeans knows I just lately lost the love of my life-married happily for 35 1/2 years.in time I will look for another partner.don't need a mom=got one.don't need a maid=I clean up my own messes,don't need a cook-i'm a good one.i can also.just want a woman to share the rest of my life with,chores and all that life brings


Reads pretty reasonable to me. I am personally looking for a partner, not the benefits. Maybe I should say services you just described. Mom was either very good to me or very cruel. I am in your category as a man. I found the prettier they are the more 'tude they sport.


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## am1too (Dec 30, 2009)

TxMex said:


> You are probably onto something there. I tend to be a pretty intense person....very focused and goal oriented. I've had several friends tell me that I probably intimidate the heck out of most men.
> 
> However, if they don't like me for me....there's not much point in dating them is there?


Physically or mentally? Neither would be out of reason these days.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Tex; Go find yourself a widower, a man who was happily married and knows how to relate to a good woman. Don't go looking for a sissy boy; if he was a happily married man he won't put up with a lot of shoving around but he will make ajustments to suit and please his new wife. Widowers don't have child support to pay, they won't be complaining about an ex and they will be grateful for the warmth and love of a new spouse. One word of warning; if he says his wife was an angel and compares you unfavorably to her, ditch him. Get that settled early on. 

I'd say you are a prime candidate if you are seriously looking. Your attitude is good, you work hard, you seem sincere about your desires. The failures will be those who are bitter and soured on men. 

By the way; did you see the article on the news tonight about the dating site called FARMERS ONLY?
Ox


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## bigjon (Oct 2, 2013)

TXMEX-I do apologize to u and every southern woman.except one in particular.will u forgive me darling?:ashamed:


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## bigjon (Oct 2, 2013)

Am1too,thks.mom raised me to be a kind&caring man.now that i'm a widower(txmex) I have the skills to look after myself-but miss companionship-among (other)things.i've got flaws just like anybody else.heart on my sleeve etc....


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Oxankle said:


> Tex; Go find yourself a widower, a man who was happily married and knows how to relate to a good woman. Don't go looking for a sissy boy; if he was a happily married man he won't put up with a lot of shoving around but he will make ajustments to suit and please his new wife. Widowers don't have child support to pay, they won't be complaining about an ex and they will be grateful for the warmth and love of a new spouse. One word of warning; if he says his wife was an angel and compares you unfavorably to her, ditch him. Get that settled early on.
> 
> I'd say you are a prime candidate if you are seriously looking. Your attitude is good, you work hard, you seem sincere about your desires. The failures will be those who are bitter and soured on men.
> 
> ...


I'm just not running into many widowers in my age range. 

I am genuinely, seriously looking. Just difficult when I don't get off the farm much.

I don't have a TV, so no I haven't seen the story. I tried Farmers Only for a little while but had no luck. I need to get a better recent picture and try again. 

LOL...I had several people contact me after the last picture thread and say that they wanted a REAL picture of me. Apparently that one didn't fit the image they had of me in their head. If I can ever catch anyone out here when I'm in overalls with a pistol strapped on I'll have em take a picture


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

bigjon said:


> TXMEX-I do apologize to u and every southern woman.except one in particular.will u forgive me darling?:ashamed:


Much better. You may be salvageable


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

TxMex said:


> ...
> I am not complaining.....I'm actually trying to make a point(with a bit of humor which you seem to keep missing) that women are being so brutal to men when they divorce that they are giving them some major trust issues. I don't blame them....however, I didn't do this to them...


I was going to answer everything in the order you wrote it. But this jumped off the page. 
C'mon...not complaining? Yes you were. No, it wasn't a rant type complaint. And yes, you did inject some humor into it. I'm not a total drudge you know. I do recognize most forms of humor. I'm often misunderstood because I inject a humorous comment into a serious subject. Yours, however, had just the right amount in it, IMO. It's just that your OP, along with some other subsequent posts in this thread and one other, jump started some thoughts I've had on this subject for quite a while. And whether anyone is pleased or angered by them, I'm glad the chance to write them down presented itself.

Maybe you don't think much about this, maybe you don't even care, but threads that start with OP's like this one did, are magnets for the bitter, hen house, coffee clutch crowd of man-bashers to vent the same old, never changing, never diminishing frustrations. It's cyclical; happens two or three times a year. Normally, during the mud slinging, comments de-volve from specific gripes about any one particular woman's 'objet de dÃ©rision' to more scattergun-like, general put downs of the way men behave. I'm pleased to see this one hasn't gone south yet. Hope it doesn't.

But getting back to my point, men read those aforementioned posts too, you know. How do you think they feel about them? How would you feel? 

I'm not even going to try to speculate as to what those men think when they read comments like that. But, I'd say it'd be a safe bet to say that, just like you wrote about yourself above, the fault doesn't lie with any of those male readers either. Almost all the men who are regulars on ST know better than to even try to start a conversation --in a public forum, mind you-- of that nature. Every time it's happened, female HT members came from out of the woodwork trashing that behavior and that man or men. Yet, it seems to be a given that women are allowed to have their say. Why? What's equal about that? Or is that one of those "equal, but different" exceptions? Regardless of the why, it's a perfect example of inequality that highlights the point I made when I wrote "the rules aren't the same for both genders."

I had a lot more to say. Specifically, to answer each one of your comments re: my post. If you'd care to hear it just sing out. But not tonight dear. I have a headache. 

Then again, I get the sense that people don't really want to hear much that disagrees with their opinion. Myself, I enjoy a civil conversation with opposing viewpoints. As long as the participants make an effort to keep it civil. That's what -usually- sets ST apart from the other sub-forums on HT. Besides, how else are new ideas supposed to develop? 

Unfortunately, this doesn't seem to apply, IMO, to women being told how they might not be acknowledging a different (man's) point of view. Or maybe it's just this subject, IDK. I've noticed that when delicate subjects like this are brought up; subjects that are potentially contentious, a few are awfully quick to jump to conclusions and begin to see every comment as either an attack on women in general, an excuse to jump on the bashing wagon, a personal attack, or any combination thereof. Although many are awfully free in the doling out of their own opinions, they're not happy if you don't either agree with them or keep your mouth shut.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

am1too said:


> Think bout it some. It is merely consumed. and the empty cup is usually tossed aside.
> 
> I have a neighbor who is looking for mr right. This means some one who can solve all her problems and play all night. She goes thru men or these superficial relationships one right after another. Her idea of love is lunch at the "y". Oh and she is the boss. All I see is she is looking for useful toys she can toss aside like trash.


Actually, yes I got what you were getting at. My point was that what you wrote has nothing to do with what I posted that you quoted. 

Not all women are players and looking to take a man for all they can.



am1too said:


> Physically or mentally? Neither would be out of reason these days.


Well....I guess I probably intimidate men both ways. 

After a few months of marriage my ex turned to me in exasperation one day and said 'quit using those big words what I don't know what they mean'.

The other day at Lowe's I was loading 3/4 inch plywood onto a trolley and a couple were coming up the aisle and the man very nicely offered to help me load the rest of them that I was getting. His wife was smiling with well deserved pride at her very nice husband. He gets on the end closest to the cart. I lift up my end and he can't seem to pick his up off the floor. I looked at him and asked if he'd rather I got that end. To this day I feel badly about crushing his ego like that.....I just didn't think about it in time.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

bigjon said:


> southern belles?does belle mean dingaling?


ound: Thank you for the much needed laugh! 

FWIW-Tex, I didn't see that as an insult towards you, after all you said that there were southern ladies flirting and then there was you.


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## thesedays (Feb 25, 2011)

TxMex said:


> all they can talk about is trying to figure out ways out of paying child support, etc.


And they wonder why their wives divorced them.

Bet they all said they didn't see the divorce coming, either.

:huh:


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## bigjon (Oct 2, 2013)

txmex?post pic of gun!


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

bigjon said:


> txmex?post pic of gun!


LOL!! Which one?!


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

My mother once told me that there was an old Bohemian proverb that ran "In the dark all cows are black". She explained that this was intended to warn young people against judging prospective mates on physical beauty alone. 

The man who chooses a woman simply because she is beautiful is likely to wind up with a spoiled brat who expects MORE of everything without contributing much to the relationship. 

There are men like that too---like the fellow I know who inherited a large farm and succeeded in turning it into a very small farm. 

This is especially important when we reach middle age and are beginning to show the effects of hard work, a little wear and tear. By middle age a man's record and achievements are far more important than his looks. All that speaks to character, which is where the judgement should be.
Ox


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

> Then again, I get the sense that people don't really want to hear much that disagrees with their opinion. Myself, I enjoy a civil conversation with opposing viewpoints. As long as the participants make an effort to keep it civil. That's what -usually- sets ST apart from the other sub-forums on HT. Besides, how else are new ideas supposed to develop?


OOOOOOOOO I like this.
Human A can disagree with Human B AND still validate Human A's 'feelings'?
Example.
Human A was snubbed by someone who 'claimed to love' Human A.
Human A's feelings, got hurt.
Logically, Human A should expect NOTHING less out of the offender.

SO Human A's hurt feelings may not 'make sense' from the logic brain sense, BUT Human A's feelings are hurt all the same.

SO
You can tell Human A, in a civil conversational way; HEY offender is who they is.....they have always been this way, do not be surprised, stop it. 
YES I understand your feelings are hurt, that was a poopy thing to do.
HERE IS HOW to head these 'feelings' off at the pass so that this does not happen again.

1. Validation that yes, feelings are hurt, that sucks, I wish that didn't happen
2. Logical brain kicks in and works the scene out with no 'emotions'.
3. Solutions are offered / sought after.

Would you say that this is a 'civil' way to discuss not so civil topics?


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## lazyBum (Feb 27, 2012)

I have trust issues with women. It takes a long time to get to know somebody. Almost all of the women ive met wanted to jump in while i was testing the waters with my toes. Ive known myself for a long time. I dont trust me either. I know if those boots are attached to an attractive woman Im going to let them walk all over me. I dont have the guts to tell a horrible person to get out of my life.


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## Allen W (Aug 2, 2008)

I went to high school with a young lady who left a lot of whining, messed up cry babies in her wake. Most of them were paying to play in one way or another, the older she got the more it cost to be in the game. I never saw the attraction but she had them fighting for a chance.

Remember everybody is crazy you just have to find your kind of crazy.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Sheesh, and all she said was that she would like to find a man. 

Turned uncivil quickly; a lot of piled up bitterness.


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## am1too (Dec 30, 2009)

TxMex said:


> Actually, yes I got what you were getting at. My point was that what you wrote has nothing to do with what I posted that you quoted.
> 
> Not all women are players and looking to take a man for all they can.


I'd for one darn sure like to know where they are. I consistently fail to get one to engage me about anything of importance when it comes to a relationship. No those matter do not just simply take care of themselves. If they did there would be much less divorce.


> Well....I guess I probably intimidate men both ways.
> 
> After a few months of marriage my ex turned to me in exasperation one day and said 'quit using those big words what I don't know what they mean'.
> 
> The other day at Lowe's I was loading 3/4 inch plywood onto a trolley and a couple were coming up the aisle and the man very nicely offered to help me load the rest of them that I was getting. His wife was smiling with well deserved pride at her very nice husband. He gets on the end closest to the cart. I lift up my end and he can't seem to pick his up off the floor. I looked at him and asked if he'd rather I got that end. To this day I feel badly about crushing his ego like that.....I just didn't think about it in time.


Maybe you do not understand the dynamics of lifting together. I get frustrated working with other people who can not be flexible enough to do anything except their way. Generally I just sigh and comply if I need the help or simply walk away.


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## am1too (Dec 30, 2009)

lazyBum said:


> I have trust issues with women. It takes a long time to get to know somebody. Almost all of the women ive met wanted to jump in while i was testing the waters with my toes. Ive known myself for a long time. I dont trust me either. I know if those boots are attached to an attractive woman Im going to let them walk all over me. I dont have the guts to tell a horrible person to get out of my life.


I do and try my bestest to not let them in in the first place.


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## copperkid3 (Mar 18, 2005)

TxMex said:


> Maybe it is just men in my age range. Seems like a lot of the guys that I am
> meeting are so messed up due to what their ex-wives have put them through that
> *they are no longer relationship material.
> They'll never trust, confide, commit, etc.
> ...


*********************************************

*Nailed it!!!*:facepalm:
Now that's not to say that I don't clean up good and would be a presentable 'date'.
But I've always had trust issues when it comes to women. Which explains a bit on
why it took 10 years before I figured out that I'd found the one. The problem however,
was that apparently I'd done very little research into how the "ONE" handled her finances.
The day after the marriage, she presented me with two credit card bills that had been 
maxed out and said: "These are now yours - take care of them please." A couple years
earlier, I'd bought her house note and had reduced the payments for her.......when I then
asked what she was going to do about it now.....her response was: "Oh we're married now.....
You just ate that one as far as getting it paid off." Throughout the remaining 17.5 yrs of
wedded 'bliss', she tried to get me to change the beneficiary to my life insurance policy from
my mother to herself.....without success and had the audacity to say: That it was a major 
trust issue with her......REALLY???!!!! Twice she made statements that she was planning on
killing herself and we got her professional help. Eventually she told me that she no longer 
loved me, but still wanted to be friends and that she wouldn't take anything out of the 
marriage, as she hadn't contributed to it and it wouldn't be fair to me. Of course, her
sister and her female attorney talked her out of such nonsense and in the end, she 
didn't even look back at the path of destruction she left in her wake. Should I have
seen it coming? Certainly, but "I thought I was in love and decided to try my best,
to make it work." Just prior to her deciding to move out before the divorce (although
it took her 7 months before she found her own place) she saw me looking at an on-line
dating site and stated: "Well you didn't waste anytime did you?!!!" Told her, "Nope, as
you've made it abundantly clear that you don't want to try and work things out.....
won't go to couples counseling or therapy because it's a waste of time and money...."
But that's all I've done since then.....just looked at the sites; never signed up and
paid and certainly haven't given any thought to actually going out with them either.

I opened myself up nearly completely to the previous 'lady' 
(I use that term loosely as she was a southern gal and still 
a member of HT; although doesn't participate much anymore), 
but it certainly wouldn't be fair to any other woman that might 
show an interest in me......or even fair to myself, to begin a relationship
that I know will never stand a chance to blossom and bloom as it should.
Because the trust will never be there and I cannot afford to make that mistake again.

If I could be fooled once after 10 yrs of dating......it could/would likely happen again.

Besides, at this point, what are the benefits besides someone to warm the bed on cold nights?
I can already cook and clean and do the chores each day.....heck, did that when I was married too.
Plenty of blankets, and a couple of cats are much cheaper and dependable in the long haul.


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## homefire2007 (Sep 21, 2007)

We are all grown ups here. We all have our war stories, hurts and baggage. It takes real courage to move on and take chances. I've seen a lot of success stories. It's not up to others to prove they are trustworthy and not the ex..... I've seen people run like scalded cats the minute a prospective friend/mate said or did one thing that didn't line up with their must haves/must not do mindset.

Keep it simple. Are they ethical, kind, hard working? If I could count the dumb things that popped out of my mouth I'd be a wealthy woman. Thank God my husband looked past the roadblocks I put up and took a chance. We had some great times. It was our second go at things... If he were still alive, would we still be together? I can't answer that. But I wouldn't have changed taking a chance. I saw some real grains of gold in him, he didn't disappoint.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

LB< You nailed it for me. Couldn't have said it better.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

I didn't see Texmex' OP as taking a swing at men who are dating too soon post break-up. She's calling out the Mean Girls and there's plenty of them. We see them, know them, we're friends with them, perhaps been one, and we've ALL been on the receiving end of them. We can all agree it's a traumatic experience.

Which is the most scary? Trusting someone or having them trust you?


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

am1too said:


> I'd for one darn sure like to know where they are. I consistently fail to get one to engage me about anything of importance when it comes to a relationship. No those matter do not just simply take care of themselves. If they did there would be much less divorce.Maybe you do not understand the dynamics of lifting together. I get frustrated working with other people who can not be flexible enough to do anything except their way. Generally I just sigh and comply if I need the help or simply walk away.


I worked construction for quite a few years. I've worked on a farm or something else physically demanding nearly all my life. I know how to lift and lift with someone else on the other end if they can handle their end.

I am absolutely stunned that you are still single considering the charm that you are demonstrating here. Crazy world huh?


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Oxankle said:


> Sheesh, and all she said was that she would like to find a man.
> 
> Turned uncivil quickly; a lot of piled up bitterness.


I think I have a malfunction in my keyboard. I type one thing and people read something TOTALLY different.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Isnt that the way? lol


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

Laura said:


> Which is the most scary? Trusting someone or having them trust you?


Them not trusting me would be their issue, but I probably should be more leery in that I am too trusting....


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## TRellis (Sep 16, 2013)

After reading through every single post in this thread, re-reading every post again and then comparing it with everything that I have ever experienced in life, I have come to believe that the only way for men and women to get together in a loving, caring and mutually respectful relationship is to.......


..... uhhhhhh! ummmm!

Forget it!!! 

I've got nothing......:facepalm:

TRellis


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## sjerseyaaron (Nov 29, 2014)

Ladies, not every guy is messed up. My soon to be ex wife imploded our marriage. I have full custody of our perfect baby girl, I pay for everything, and am completely Aok (minus the singes on the back of my clothes) lol Just saying.


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## am1too (Dec 30, 2009)

TxMex said:


> I worked construction for quite a few years. I've worked on a farm or something else physically demanding nearly all my life. I know how to lift and lift with someone else on the other end if they can handle their end.
> 
> I am absolutely stunned that you are still single considering the charm that you are demonstrating here. Crazy world huh?


Mom says I'm way to picky and she's been a widow for 25 years. When I ask her about men she turns out to be just as picky. Just has not been anyone who has turned me on.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

"Just has not been anyone who has turned me on."

Another whole point made. There are people who just do not have the drive; they don't feel the need. Some men, for example, only feel the need for a woman when the moon is full twice in one month. Others cannot feel comfortable unless they have a woman singing in the kitchen. (When they sing in the kitchen you know you've done well.)


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## bigjon (Oct 2, 2013)

Amen,ox


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## am1too (Dec 30, 2009)

Oxankle said:


> &quot;Just has not been anyone who has turned me on.&quot;
> 
> Another whole point made. There are people who just do not have the drive; they don't feel the need. Some men, for example, only feel the need for a woman when the moon is full twice in one month. Others cannot feel comfortable unless they have a woman singing in the kitchen. (When they sing in the kitchen you know you've done well.)


Unfortunately I am not talking about drive and associated ideas. If you do not want to talk about things with genuine interest I might be interested in or at least show passion about what you do, I am not interested. Can you also play chess and other board games (scrabble for instance) along with a few card games? I like to active visit. I do not like to participate in gossip. I can take care of all my needs without another person. Please notice I said needs.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> Her idea of love is lunch at the "y".


You talk like that's a bad thing! :teehee:

(I'm ound: that that apparently slipped past the mods.) :thumb:


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## Doggonedog (Dec 4, 2014)

am1too said:


> Her idea of love is lunch at the "y". Oh and she is the boss.


This is a bad thing? I always thought it was a prelude to the main event so to speak. Many men like a woman to be little bit bossy.


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## am1too (Dec 30, 2009)

willow_girl said:


> You talk like that's a bad thing! :teehee:
> 
> (I'm ound: that that apparently slipped past the mods.) :thumb:


So sorry you seem to misunderstand. There was no implication by me that was or is bad.


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## am1too (Dec 30, 2009)

Doggonedog said:


> This is a bad thing? I always thought it was a prelude to the main event so to speak. Many men like a woman to be little bit bossy.


I'm told different strokes for different folks.


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