# My Darling Children



## Guest (Nov 23, 2013)

I've looked at the threads and posts from the last few days. Nobody sees the giant elephant in their underwear: You all want too much, and you're willing to give too little. Seriously. Look at how much you demand. look at how little you'd give. Would you guys even succumb to yourselves?? 
Whatever. Here's a poem for ya. Dylan, of course.

Nothing was delivered
And I tell this truth to you
Not out of spite or anger
But simply because it&#8217;s true
Now, I hope you won&#8217;t object to this
Giving back all of what you owe
The fewer words you have to waste on this
The sooner you can go
Nothing is better, nothing is best
Take heed of this and get plenty of rest
Nothing was delivered
But I can&#8217;t say I sympathize
With what your fate is going to be
Yes, for telling all those lies
Now you must provide some answers
For what you sell has not been received
And the sooner you come up with them
The sooner you can leave
Nothing is better, nothing is best
Take heed of this and get plenty rest
(Now you know)
Nothing was delivered
And it&#8217;s up to you to say
Just what you had in mind
When you made everybody pay
No, nothing was delivered
Yes, and someone must explain
That as long as it takes to do this
Then that&#8217;s how long that you&#8217;ll remain
Nothing is better, nothing is best
Take heed of this and get plenty rest


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## viggie (Jul 17, 2009)

If one of the guys here has a giant elephant in his underwear, I'd like to ask him out.


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## Guest (Nov 23, 2013)

Exactly proves my point.


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## viggie (Jul 17, 2009)

No it's a joke not a point. The only thing I've asked for in the recent threads is someone to care for.


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## Guest (Nov 23, 2013)

Look back at the "lists" threads. Everybody wants perfection from their prospective suitors. Not a single person has offered perfection. Or even offered anything. It's all been "what I demand". Everybody wants something, nobody giving nothing.


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

I am perfect!! A perfect "pain".


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## viggie (Jul 17, 2009)

I'm not disagreeing, but I haven't done what you are talking about either. I'm willing to give up all I have and move for the right person. But no ones ever been interested in me.

But I've also never heard the phrase elephant in your underpants either, so something had to give.


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## Guest (Nov 23, 2013)

Ah, well, I make up my own expressions, since most are so overused and under-explanatory.


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## Guest (Nov 23, 2013)

I tease the New Dear Hubby that the reason I flirted with him is: "he had a full head of hair, a full set of teeth, and a hawt car! The TRIFECTA of the 40-year old world."

>_<


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## Guest (Nov 23, 2013)

What's wrong with honesty anymore? How about " I think you're the best thing since fried eggs and I don't ever want to wake up without you?" Screw all that " you gotta be between 5'3 and 5'4 and weigh 114 pounds and never have gotten high and don't smoke and don't have kids and blah blah." And then look at the person making the "List of unreasonable demands" Really?? Are people really that out of touch? No wonder why people stay alone for years and years, all the while fooling themselves that they're waiting for the "perfect love" 
You don't get the perfect love til you are the perfect love. And perfect ain't a list of unreasonable, ridiculous demands.


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## Guest (Nov 23, 2013)

zong said:


> What's wrong with honesty anymore? How about " I think you're the best thing since fried eggs and I don't ever want to wake up without you?" Screw all that " you gotta be between 5'3 and 5'4 and weigh 114 pounds and never have gotten high and don't smoke and don't have kids and blah blah." And then look at the person making the "List of unreasonable demands" Really?? Are people really that out of touch? No wonder why people stay alone for years and years, all the while fooling themselves that they're waiting for the "perfect love"
> You don't get the perfect love til you are the perfect love. And perfect ain't a list of unreasonable, ridiculous demands.


My reply was a funny... Ya ever seen that really famous picture of Sitting Bull?
that's what i look like: Teensy eyes, bad hair, huge mouth, wide jaw. I'm Indian, so THAT isn't a joke.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

zong said:


> Look back at the "lists" threads. Everybody wants perfection from their prospective suitors. Not a single person has offered perfection. Or even offered anything. It's all been "what I demand". Everybody wants something, nobody giving nothing.


Nope, not everybody...


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Whoa! Now hold on just a doggone minute!

I haven't noticed anyone "demanding" anything! And I've noticed plenty of us OFFERING a lot!

You've got that "cat that ate the canary" tenor in your words. (That self-satisfied tone. . . . )


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

Let he who is without earthly desires cast the first dirt clod:icecream:


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## Guest (Nov 23, 2013)

Go look at the "must haves" thread, among others. I think its a tragedy, people wanting so much before they'd even consider you as a potential. Maybe I just see it differently. But, my point of view is based on a pretty observant life. Folks making unreasonable demands, all the while spending years alone. I, like you and a lot of others, was widowed, and was completely bewildered by all the insanity, paranoia, and game-playing I found in single-land. I've seen the adventures you've posted, just as you've seen mine. You were screwed over time and again by game playing hypocritical liars. I'm just pointing out the obvious. Too much demand, not enough acquiescence. Surely you've seen that enough to agree?? Nobody ask more of you than they were willing to deliver themselves??


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

"You were screwed over time and again by game playing hypocritical liars. I'm just pointing out the obvious. Too many demands, not enough acquiescence. Surely you've seen that enough to agree?? Nobody ask more of you than they were willing to deliver themselves??"

So, WE are at fault for desiring honesty & genuine caring from a potential? Notice I said "desiring"; not "demanding".


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## Guest (Nov 23, 2013)

You really need to read that whole thread, and the others like it the past few days. It wasn't a matter of people wanting honesty. More a series of specifics as to what people wanted before they would even consider a partner. I can go back, look, and paste some of the demands. It was pretty disheartening to see how people who had supposedly been on the short end of the stick had such high requirements. Give me a few minutes, I'll post a composite list that will blow your mind.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

I know I have much to give, I just wanna increase the odds that who ever receives it won't toss it away again.


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## Guest (Nov 23, 2013)

College Degree
Owns his own home
Makes more money than me.
Good-looking with facial hair.
Must like cats.
Country local who is kind, happy and owns his own space.
A kind heart
A sense of humour
A sense of adventure
At least a clue in the kitchen (i usually cook but sometimes i just can't)
A clue in the boudoir (at least a little)
A good idea of who she is
A plan, or be willing to build one with me.
Must be responsible financially
Must be a one man woman (not negotiable)
First would be telling me I'm going to hell. Not go to hell! Going to hell. I have a strong opinion on that. Religion could be a make or break. Second would be smoking. Sorry, can't handle smoking. Third would be no drugs.


Thats only from a few posts on page one of at least 4 pages. I can tell you it got worse from there on, go read it. Do you see anywhere on there "Willing to put up with my own faults and failures"? Or "wants to be loved from now on"? 
Everything that some people think are paramount are irrelevant. Except, of course, to themselves. So, picture you, in your own set of circumstances. You're a grown person, have your own strengths and weaknesses. Do any of those demands appeal to you?? why wouldn't somebody say " I want a decent person and am willing to give and take for such"?

Note that not one person thought somebody should put up with their foolishness. not one person realized how ridiculous they sounded. not one person was willing to admit they may not know everything. Not one. And wonder why they're alone?? People, please.


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Some of those demands are not at all unreasonable! They're quite defensible, in fact. Some were offered in pure jest. Some are preferences that you have interpreted as demands.

"Must be responsible financially" *IS* an absolute must for those of us who have been driven to BK by previous, devious "partners".

"Must be a one-woman man." Oh, Heck yes! Who wants the "gifts" he's gotten from multitudinous others!?!?

"Own his own home". Also reasonable for those among us who have been parasitized by previous, devious "partners" who were homeless bums in every sense of the word!

"A kind heart, a sense of humor, a sense of adventure". Dear Zong, those are preferences or desires, nice-to-haves; not demands!

I've read many responses in which the author has offered a LOT.

You have your heart's desire now, in the lovely, wonderful lady you've married, and we're all happy for you. Please don't brand us all with the "demanding" label because we aren't as lucky as you!


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

I guess I'm guilty. I had to go back through that thread and noticed that I said I wanted a little bit of mental stability. :smack

I guess it's a good thing I didn't say I wanted a lot!


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

A thought on the "college degree" and "makes more money than me" - Some of us ladies have borne the brunt of a lesser-educated man's resentment & anger at our higher earnings and higher education. That does NOT make for a happy union! I'm living proof! Although, a lesser-educated man who doesn't resent me for my education can be a true gem in my eyes.


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## Guest (Nov 23, 2013)

All you guys got a lot to offer. I understand that you're afraid. I gave my best, and was played for a fool, too. I know that feeling good as anybody. When you withdraw inside yourself, the "enemy' has won. she, or he, had made you draw back inside yourself to reflect on your shortcomings while she(or he) moves on to the next fool. I know that feeling as good, if not better, than anybody. Still, you just can't let some opportunistic biscuit, or son of a biscuit break you. You just can't. You are yourself. Do you want somebody to put restrictions on you? NO!! So don't put restrictions on them!! Be free, let them be free. Anybody that cares about you will be good for you. So what if they're not 5'10"?? Or 5'2"? Or weigh 145 pounds? What craziness. You want somebody, be free and let them be free. You want to have a slave and be a slave, then go with the restrictions.


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Terri in WV said:


> I guess I'm guilty. I had to go back through that thread and noticed that I said I wanted a little bit of mental stability. :smack
> 
> I guess it's a good thing I didn't say I wanted a lot!


LOL!!! Hot coffee all over my keyboard! I DEMAND recompense for the ruined keyboard, Terri, AND for the mental anguish subsequent to the electrical shock following the coffee on the keyboard!


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

Well, it's your own fault for drinking that nasty stuff!


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

When I wrote 18 to 80 blind, crippled, and crazy, I was referring to what *I* could bring to the table. Just sayin.


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## Guest (Nov 23, 2013)

I seriously doubt that " a little bit of mental stability" was one of the more specific prerequisites listed. Still, if you read that thread, and some very similar ones over the past few days, and you think "a little bit of mental stability" is the sort of "demand" that I'm referring to in this post, you've missed something. Or else, more power to ya. I've checked out the posts of the last several days and seen what I've seen. I imagine that if you look at them in composite, you'll see pretty much the same thing. It's not a matter of me finding someone, more a matter of, as stated, many posters here having unreasonable expectations in one thread, then some time in another thread, wondering why nobody seems to want them, then later on, claiming they're perfectly happy alone. If perfectly happy, then why the "I demand" posts? Or the "Why am I alone?" posts? I'm just saying what everybody can see. I'm not trying to be argumentative, believe it or not, I'm trying to help. Read the threads over the last couple days, see what's there. If you were a stranger, looking at those lists, would you want to court any of those list makers?? From my POV, if they want all that, why ain't they talking about what they're willing to give??


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

Well, zong, here's a bit of honesty for you. 

You went out vigorously searching for a partner. After several misfires you found one. That's great!

There are quite a few of us here that have said we're not looking. Maybe you missed some of that? Have you ever thought that it's not about being afraid, but maybe some like their own company? Not everyone has to be half of a couple to be happy.


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## Guest (Nov 23, 2013)

I know you guys like me, and you know I like you. Nobody has ever misinterpreted when I disliked them. None of the shopworn harridans have appeared in this thread. Like Cyrano de Bergerac, I have made my greatest weaknesses into my greatest strengths. I am not trying to crow at my accomplishments, 
I am merely trying to point out that if I can do it, so can you, and I didn't do it by what "I want". I tried to see if what she wanted fit with me. Sure, there are differences. Big ones. BUT, the most important things all click. For example, as a non-smoker, if I had demanded no smoking as one of my most important "must haves" I'd never have the contentment I have now. I gave some, I got some. By working at give and take, I gave her what she needed, and she gave me what I needed. No, we're not a perfect match, by far. But, we're grownups, we give and take, and we're as happy with each other as is possible. Why? Because we never made demands of each other. WE ACCEPTED EACH OTHER AS WE WERE. All my many documented faults, she accepted, by realizing I was a good guy who would never let her down. See how easy life is? Why all the demands?


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## Guest (Nov 23, 2013)

Well, if you don't want nobody, then why post what you want? I don't get that.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

Actually post 56, I stated exactly that.

And yes, you're right, some posted what you think are unreasonable expectations. You have a right to that view, just as they have a right to what they want. Why do you think your ideals are any more important than someone else's? FWIW, I do agree with a lot of what you're saying, I don't like when absolutes are used to describe them though. 

Many are probably alone because of those expectations. That is their choice. There was a lively little conversation just the other day about some of those requirements.  Folks were answering honestly, the questions being asked and that I don't see anything wrong with.


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## Guest (Nov 23, 2013)

I'm not here all the time like I use to be, and will be here less and less in the future. BUT, I feel like I've made friends here, in this forum. My point is not that my ideals are more important, I've not even posted a word about my ideals. My point is that by making demands, people are cutting off 95% or more of potential mates. For instance, if you say you're not interested in smokers, that cuts off maybe 50% of all potential mates, a few of whom might be perfect, except for smoking. When you're 90, looking back on the last 40 years, will the "non-smoking" requirement that may have kept you from a partner really be all that important then? Not likely. All I do is look to the future, then, when there, look back to today. Everything I do, I see where I can screw up, big time. I have no way to know that by categorically refusing a smoker into my life I will somehow be karmicly rewarded by having a non-smoker, of higher character, thrust into my life. The concept is categorically ridiculous. Why would I reject a decent person because she didn't fit into one of my demands? And seeing as how that was such a poor concept for me, why would I think it would work for others? It won't. 
Many years ago, 1998, I entered the world of on-line singledom, after my youngest daughter's mother left. 2011, after my wife died, I entered the same world again. Surprisingly, to me, most of the same women were there, with the same lines. 12 years later. They were either playing a game, or fooling themselves. I met other women, most of whom were both fooling themselves AND playing a game. 

Hey, anybody wanting to get real and make a connection, they can do it. I have been in ST for a couple years too. I notice a bunch of pretty nice people. Why ain't they connecting with somebody? Maybe they don't really want to. Thats OK. But, then again, a few of them might want to make a connection, and don't understand why they can't meet the girl of their dreams who is 5'3', 114 pounds, employed as a lawyer, grows 5 pound tomatoes, owns 400 acres, and has a deep sea fishing boat who is interested in a guy on disability for being a crackhead. Maybe some people should back off their expectations. Everybody is not gonna be perfect, but everybody is somebody. I'm just stating what I see. Not what I think about what I see. Facts: People demanding too much. People unwilling to compromise. Good men and women. People unwilling, or incapable of making a relationship. All facts. How is pointing out the obvious going to help? Maybe it won't. But, then again, maybe somebody will re-examine their list of demands and realize, " Hey, Joe from Kokomo is a really good guy except he fell outside my restrictive list, let me give him a shot" and she calls him up and they meet and so on. Who knows? It'll never happen as long as she has a list of demands, though. Cause if I was Joe from Kokomo, and I saw a list, I'd run. And I ain't the only Joe from Kokomo who would run at being presented a list, either.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Those threads are about what we want in a partner. What we have to offer would be a different thread we haven't started yet. Baggage thread would be after that.

My list is 5 without a single physical characteristic on it. I'll accept 2 out of 3 if there's genuine awesomeness, but why would I waste time dating in a pool I know isn't satisfying to me when there are so many men who fit my 5 specifics?


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

Hi Zong! Are you giving one of your inspirational talks? 
Sometimes, I think that making lists is just part of socializing for some. You know, something else to chat about. 
That's why they are here.
I dont think I read (or made) any lists, but I have a nice friend.
If I made a list, I dont think he'd be on it. 25 years ago, he wouldn't have been on my 'radar'....Not because of his looks or smoking etc.
After dh's death, and when I was ready, the things I looked for were basic; wanted someone sweet kind & caring, who could see humor in things, and would be good to my kid (and that she would like him, the most important thing)

I hope you are doing well, Zong! Say hi to your wife. I miss reading your goofy stuff.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

re-thought


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Zong, how did you get out of my cellar!! Was it the squirrels?
I started the must haves thread because a man I dated didn't get my sense of humor, it got me thinking about what was important to me. Men that get me, I have a spark with and everything else just fits. And I very much enjoyed reading everyones thoughts, now I know that I don't fit anyones expectation, I may fit half their list,..or nothing on their list. And with a name like Poo fairy, not many will get my humor, the threads have taught me a lot about the people I really like here on ST and I am glad to see them open up.


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

I chose to over look the smoking thing in my last marriage. It was mistake. It was a grain of sand that turned into a boulder. It made me miserable because it effected me very negatively. It made him miserable also. I am a very affectionate person. I love loving on the person I'm with except one that has a cigarette hanging out of their mouth. Right or wrong good or bad it is the way it went. Now a dipper, I can taker a dipper better than a smoker. A dipper doesn't effect me unless they spit at the garbage can from 15' away. That bothers me!!


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Zong! Congratulations on things going so well!:nanner:

I think that everybody has a list: I know that I did. The question is, can the list be thrown out if a person knows somebody really cool? Because, a list will not keep you warm at night!

Then again, there are a few things on that list that are vital, such as not being a crackhead abuser. Because there are more important things than being kept warm at night. My sister broke up with her fiance' because he and her small son disliked each other, and it wasn't getting any better. He was also hiding a few things, such as 3 previous marriages. Sometimes lists are good........

I threw my list away when I fell in love, but if he had been a bad guy I would have avoided him. That was non-negotiable. The part of the list that I threw away included things like musical ability (there are musicians in the family and it was a big part of my life) and an interest in homesteading. 

Sometimes lists are vital (no crackhead abusers) :umno:and sometimes lists get in the way. (DH is tone deaf in a big way). 

There are lists and there are LISTS!


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

We learn things in life for a reason. Experiences teach us what we can live with and what we can't. Experiences are what I base my list on. There may be things on my list that are negotible we shall see. List can be a good thing.


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## catspjamas (Jul 14, 2013)

zong said:


> College Degree
> Owns his own home
> Makes more money than me.
> Good-looking with facial hair.
> ...


It's a whole lot easier to find out up front if a guy is allergic, or can't stand cats, then to start dating and a month or two down the road, learn he's just been tolerating the cats. My cats are my kids, and they were here first, and they will be with me until the day they die. I'd rather be alone with my five cats, then be with a man that doesn't like cats.


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

Geeez,,,,,I only requested,,, Boobs,,,,,,,


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

We're a match, I have those! ound:


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

I find it interesting that Oxankle said the same thing for years...and both of these fine, wise gentleman are happily remarried. I agree with you, Zong. Having a list definitive enough to put down into writing is a killer. It's a way of creating barriers and walling oneself off and putting the blame on others for not taking responsibility for our own happiness. A way of telling others Hey I'm looking (but not really) because I've set the bar so high no one can meet it and it's not my fault I can't find someone cause I'm looking!

The thing is, I would truly love to find someone else. I am a loving and caring person and know that my life and the life of my kids could be greatly enriched by having a good man in our lives BUT (and here's the kicker) I have been hurt so badly that I am scared to reach out and open myself up to finding that man and I totally realize that fault lies within myself. I've put myself on the sidelines and I don't know if that will ever change. 

Just my .02 and YMMV.


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## starjj (May 2, 2005)

While I agree with what you say as far as everyone wants too much (not everyone) but a lot of them. I will say you come across as preachy much like Ox does. It seems since you and him have found your "perfect" partners you think it is easy to just go out and find someone. I can tell you it is not. My age is much like yours and you found someone quite a bit younger, an option not easily avaliable to "older" women as it is to men. I have seen exactly two men in my area on farmers only and one of them is my age and is looking for someone 33 to 26 years younger.

Unless I start looking for someone 100 hundreds of miles away there are slim pickins in my area.


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

starjj said:


> While I agree with what you say as far as everyone wants too much (not everyone) but a lot of them. I will say you come across as preachy much like Ox does. It seems since you and him have found your "perfect" partners you think it is easy to just go out and find someone. I can tell you it is not. My age is much like yours and you found someone quite a bit younger, an option not easily avaliable to "older" women as it is to men. I have seen exactly two men in my area on farmers only and one of them is my age and is looking for someone 33 to 26 years younger.
> 
> Unless I start looking for someone 100 hundreds of miles away there are slim pickins in my area.


I don't know the whole story of Ox or Zong, but if memory serves me correctly, they both were dead serious on finding someone. That was their intentions and goal. Much like a job they had set out to accomplish. At least for Ox, if I remember right. 

Now with that type of mindset, it can either focus on someone to seek out, or, "settle", for several reasons. One being, loneliness. I recall Ox in no way being comfortable being alone. I felt his ache every time he would post. He not only needed someone to be there daily, but it was existence, or quality of life, depending on it. I am not here to judge or critique his reasons, they are his. Is he happy and fulfilled now? I have no idea. Did he make the right choice? Maybe, for him he did. Some people would view that as being desperate. Maybe Ox viewed it as a compromise. 

Everyone has their reasons, situations and circumstances. No one can be placed in an exact category. We can have similar experiences, wants and needs, but like the saying goes. No one knows that other person's story until they have walked in their shoes. 

If Ox and Zong are happy, on their terms, whether they are settling, or confirming, it's their life and choice. 

Many of us, like you mention Starjj, obviously we are experiencing the same issues, for whatever reason. It is, what it is....until something, or someone, changes.


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

viggie said:


> If one of the guys here has a giant elephant in his underwear, I'd like to ask him out.



this is the funniest thing i ever did read..knee slappin in fact.

you rock....:buds:


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## farmgal (Nov 12, 2005)

Your being very judgemental Zong. My neighbor is 68. Her husband died of lung cancer. she went through hell for 3 years of chemo etc, watching him die. So now she is too picky when she looks for someone that doesn't smoke? You arent even making sence. 

Sure we can all settle, but we arent desperate. Desperate people settle. 

Sorry, I have no interest in kissing an ashtray or supporting a bum... I guess I'll be alone forever...ound:


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## Shygal (May 26, 2003)

Read my post in your other thread, Zong.

You think because you found what was right for you, that you know all the answers to whatever is right for everyone else.
Everyone has a right to have their own lists, wants, hopes, dealbreakers, whether you think they are too picky or demanding or whatever.

A smoker WOULD be a dealbreaker for me because I could never stand living with one, smelling the smoke smell, KISSING a smoker or a dipper. I would be miserable. So how is that being too picky?

You have all the signs of settling for someone. I wont ever do that again. Im happy alone, if I ever met someone I think I would want friends with benefits, and that would be it. Separate houses, etc. like Shrek has 

Im not desperate, and I dont think anyone else here is either.


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Shy!!!!!...I missed you.


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## doodlemom (Apr 4, 2006)

If I were to have a list...Dudes that stay up drinking wine then wake me in the middle of the night....:bandwagon:


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

doodlemom said:


> If I were to have a list...Dudes that stay up drinking wine then wake me in the middle of the night....:bandwagon:


Dont judge me man....oh....I'm not a dude.......LOL I'm a ninjette!!!


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## Guest (Nov 24, 2013)

In one of the "lists" threads over the past few days, a guy said he didn't want a fat woman. And was excoriated over and over because he had his "list" All I could say about that is that it's a lot better to be treated good by a fat woman than be treated bad by a skinny one. However, by making a list and putting fat people as a big "NO" guys will miss that one woman, who while she may be fat, would treat him better than anybody else. 

As to my being smug or anything else, feel that way if it works for you. 

Some of the same people who criticize me in this thread also criticized the guy who had no fat women on his list, explained his rationalization, however unpopular it was, and stuck to his guns. The lesson there would be that some people just want to criticize. 

As to the comment about somebody dying, I've been around death, also. I took care of someone in their final months. I could trade gut-wrenching stories with anyone about that. And mine was from medical incompetence. Unfortunately, everybody has or is going to die. Someday I'll watch somebody else dying. Or be the one dying, myself. All the more reason to live now, while you can.


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

so you came to criticize the people that criticized the guy who criticized fat women....lol

for the record.....fat people are more comfortable cuddling in bed...fat people put off more heat on a cold winters night too....i just get tired of others putting their fingers in my bellybutton.....i say hey what ya doin there...they all say the same thing....lookin for dum dum suckers....roflmao


p.s.zong i am glad you found a woman to love and are not lonely for the missing half that makes a pair.


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

you know its a viscous cycle...i criticized the criticizer that criticized the folks criticizing the critical guy.....i feel dirty now....i think i need a bath in de-hypocritical solution.


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## catspjamas (Jul 14, 2013)

zong said:


> Some of the same people who criticize me in this thread also criticized the guy who had no fat women on his list, explained his rationalization, however unpopular it was, and stuck to his guns. The lesson there would be that some people just want to criticize.


Geez louise, is it not understood that it wasn't that he didn't want a fat woman but because he was very derogatory towards fat women? I'm not going to rehash it all over again, I really don't think anyone cared if he doesn't want to be with a fat person or not. I certainly don't care. In fact, I really don't want to be with a guy that is shorter and smaller than me. Bigger guys make me feel petite, and more feminine. I know good things come in small packages, and I'm probably missing out on some really great guys, but I'm just not comfortable with a guy that is shorter and smaller than me. But I would never say derogatory things about them.


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## catspjamas (Jul 14, 2013)

elkhound said:


> for the record.....fat people are more comfortable cuddling in bed...fat people put off more heat on a cold winters night too....i just get tired of others putting their fingers in my bellybutton.....i say hey what ya doin there...they all say the same thing....lookin for dum dum suckers....roflmao


You know, if it's the right person putting her fingers in your bellybutton, you might just enjoy it.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Man, I miss Viggie, Roadless, Elkhound, Fowler, L.A., Rubred, Sheri in Maine......
Too bad so many are gone because of a handful of meanness.


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## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

I read far more than I post, and I don't particularly care to jump in and respond in a negative manner, but Zong, let me tell you a story...

Years back, I was actively looking for a partner. Someone contacted me from a dating site, not too far away. First impression from his photo: don't like his eyes, something about them speaks of a violent nature. Reprimanded myself harshly- am I going to judge someone on a picture? Not very fair, gotta give him a proper chance, right?

So we talked, and dated, and he was very attentive, affectionate, I'm thinking this could really go somewhere. Couple years later, he convinces me to move from my home to his. 

From the moment my belongings crossed the threshold, things changed. I was "installed" as the little woman at home. Attitude changed, sex stopped, and life as I knew it became a living Hell. I ended up paying all the household bills, enduring constant threats, and being lied about to everyone in his hometown. 

With covering my bills and all the house bills, I didn't think I could move. Then my dog disappeared. A-hole went with me to the shelters as he knew where they were, I was not as familiar with the area. Dog did end up returning several months later, nails worn to nubs. He had traveled some hard miles.

Finally found out from his former best friend (former because his new fiancee was friend's girlfriend) that he had dumped my dog. Believe me, I could have fed him his own heart upon learning that. 

So when he and fiancee went to her parents for Thanksgiving, I put everything in storage, moved into a trailer that a friend gave me use of, no running water or electricity. Went from financially solvent with my own house, to ---- near broke and living in a camper, but my dog and I were safe. 

And when he got back, he left messages on my phone that I had better get back @#$%^& home. One sick SOB.

Moral of this story: more than once I discounted some things I was seeing, on the premise that no one is perfect and I shouldn't be so judgmental. 

Stupidest mistake I ever made in my life, trying to be fair and not listening.


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

I just feel that an elephant in my underpants would feel very award. And, they have those short little hairs and rough skin. It'd be itchy and scratchy. I'm not for it.


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## indianjoe (Jan 12, 2011)

Hi Zong,
miss your interesting posts and still use your bisquit recipe.


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## Allen W (Aug 2, 2008)

RideBarefoot

Always trust your first impression, it has taken almost 25 years for my wife to tell me why I have never liked her brother.


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## Clem (Apr 12, 2016)

There is a very clear difference between not liking something(as in "didn't like his eyes") and making eye color, eye expression, or anything else on a "list" to predetermine who you will or will not speak to. As far as I know, there is no physical description to suit "I just didn't like his eyes".

I also have to wonder if the unlikable eyes was what caused the personality traits that made you want to leave eventually? Or caused the traits that made you want to move in initially? Strikes me, although I wasn't there, as the eye thing was irrelevant to the relationship as it both evolved and then deteriorated.

Allen W, I agree, first impressions are the most important ones. If you meet somebody and they're a total butt, you'll not likely want to spend any more time with them. You could probably never get a first impression if you refuse to meet someone because they failed to meet a criteria is a preconceived list. I've met a lot of people that I just didn't like. BUT, I didn't dislike a lot of people before I met them. Nor did I refuse to meet anyone because they didn't have a good credit rating. I understand that nowadays, internet dating sites are populated by people who have a great deal of concern about their prospective mates ability to pay off a new car, or something. Whatever the whole credit rating thing is about, it doesn't intrude in my life, so I don't even know what impact it has on anything. Other than if party A wanted a new car and hoped party B had enough credit to get a loan.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Man, I miss Viggie, Roadless, Elkhound, Fowler, L.A., Rubred, Sheri in Maine......
> Too bad so many are gone because of a handful of meanness.


 You might take a look in the mirror, Laura. The list of people who have mentioned to me in PMs and emails that the reason they no longer post here is because of the nastiness you visit on others, is not a short one.

One way of being mean is resurrecting zombie threads to try and point your finger at who you think is mean. I know as many people who stuck around because of zong, as left because of you.


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## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

Clem, it wasn't that cut and dried as in "didn't like his eyes". It was the gut feel I had looking at the picture- and I cast it off as myself being judgmental. He was a psychopath who was very good at what he did. Twisted.

From now on, my dog picks.


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

*****


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## Tommyice (Dec 5, 2010)

Raeven said:


> You might take a look in the mirror, Laura. The list of people who have mentioned to me in PMs and emails that the reason they no longer post here is because of the nastiness you visit on others, is not a short one.
> 
> *One way of being mean is resurrecting zombie threads to try and point your finger at who you think is mean. * I know as many people who stuck around because of zong, as left because of you.


Laura, your distaste for a particular member must have consumed some time to find the right 3 year old thread to resurrect just to mention much beloved people who have posted in it that no longer participate at HT for varied reasons. 



Laura Zone 5 said:


> Man, I miss Viggie, Roadless, Elkhound, Fowler, L.A., Rubred, Sheri in Maine......
> *Too bad so many are gone because of a handful of meanness*.


Yes some is meanness but also they have found some other interests more suited to their time. What I'm about to say is not solely directed at you, however I do think you can benefit from this unsolicited advice. Don't let internet crap turn you petty and toxic. It will fester and boil until you're no longer a nice person any more.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

The 'Ignore' feature is not always your friend.


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## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

I must skim too fast sometimes- didn't realize it was a 3 year old thread! Just thought Zong must have popped back in...


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## summerdaze (Jun 11, 2009)

Well, I didn't know anything about any mean people...new one on me. I thought it had to do with new site owners, lack of trust with with them, or some such. Never did really understand all that drama.
Regardless of why some folks aren't here anymore, I still miss them, and very much feel the loss around here.


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

The Singletree forum message board has been available to participants for 16 years now and this room under the HT host umbrella for 14 years. During those years some came, some left and some passed away.

Many years we had at least one or two members return to say they had found their future path.

During the same 16 years we had a few who stopped their life path here.

Regardless of who the host owner was, the participants personalities or message board issues that surfaced, Singletree continues to attract new participants as they decide this board meets their preference .

As some go away, others arrive to add their perspective and look toward their tomorrow and in the process sometimes help some of those who have stopped here for a longer time to better introspect themselves and choose their own path out of the Singletree message board group to the degree they are comfortable with.

Many return to share their happiness or reiterate their lack of productive outcomes. Both of course help others in evaluating how they identify themselves and hopefully they can offer those still looking for a path effective steps to consider as they pursue their goals.

Yes , we may all miss some who have moved on for whatever reason but Singletree is still here for those who find it to their preference .

As discussions on Singletree progress, even on dredged up old threads as this, Terri and I strive to ensure the discussions remain as civil and within current host content limits.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

Tommyice said:


> Laura, your distaste for a particular member must have consumed some time to find the right 3 year old thread to resurrect just to mention much beloved people who have posted in it that no longer participate at HT for varied reasons..



Nope not really. 
I frequently find very old and obscure threads when searching for a particular topic. 
Some of which are plum funny viewed from today's perspective.


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