# Need serious advice...



## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Okay, so I am still blown away and a little bit numb but here it is... 

It is about the guy I have been seeing. Last night I went to the fire works with my two boys and met up with some good friends. One of them is a girlfriend of mine that I dance with , and do zumba with. We got to talking about my guy and she mentioned that they had also been talking previous. I found out that a month ago when I had gone out on a date with my guy at the craw fish festival that he was supposed to have gone out on a date with her then as well. Meaning that was supposed to be her date time with him. During the festival she caught on that he had also been talking with me and backed off. I didn't know it was also supposed to be a date with her? 

So what the heck?


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Okay, I know that didn't make much sense, but I am not sure how to put it into words. Sorry.


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

He's a playa, :run:


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## Guest (Jul 5, 2012)

And you been played


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

Yeah, he's a jerk. Had that happen to me before too. Run, run, run, and don't look back! You deserve better than that!


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:donut:

I want to see this as a "no harm, no foul" situation ... I don't want to see this get blown into a bigger deal than it really seems to be.

Now if something like "this" were to happen again ... after several exclusive weeks of being together ... then I'd wonder "what in the world."

It'd really be no different than if it were YOU initially set to attend with someone else and, well, plans change.

:donut:


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

JohnnyLee said:


> He's a playa, :run:


Are there any men left that aren't for real? I mean, this was the guys issue that I dated off on on for nine years as well. What is with guys that want to have more then one?


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

It is no big deal. People, including myself, date more than one person at a time. If you were in a serious relationship at the time, then that would be a problem.


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## Guest (Jul 5, 2012)

You'd might as well ask "What is it with women that want more than one?" It does go both ways, ya know.


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## Groene Pionier (Apr 23, 2009)

I am probably the last person who should respond... but what I think mostly is when ppl talk about their ex or show you things they do (behaviour wise): what they can do to them, they will do to me too one day...because I am or will be ever an exception.


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

The other issue to look at is she may be jealous and trying to cause problems. It wouldn't be the first time a woman was bitter for not being the one chosen.


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## Vickie44 (Jul 27, 2010)

People that are getting to know each other at a public event when they met at a public place dont really have much of a commitment , if he has not gone out of his way to contact your friend since then it is likely that there is no harm, no foul.


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## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

Raven12 and glazed have a good point as do the guys. You're gunshy after a lousy experience so maybe too suspicious. Why don't you ask him about the situation? You're planning or were planning on marrying this man; communication and honestly are integral to a good relationship.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

You and the guy were not a couple at the time? You knew he was GF shopping, not really any of your business who the competition was. 

Nothing personal for guys, why do women have to try to make it personal?

The guy had many dating options, he chose YOU!


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Raven12 said:


> It is no big deal. People, including myself, date more than one person at a time. If you were in a serious relationship at the time, then that would be a problem.


Before we went to the Crayfish Festival we had talked that we wanted to be in a relationship or going out with each other only so to speak. The very next day was the day that we met my friend at the festival. When I came up to them sitting across the table from each other I thought nothing of it only because this is a small town and I know alot of people here. ???


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## NewGround (Dec 19, 2010)

CL, your situation happened wham bam out of the blue...

Is it possible this was a date set before you two hooked up? 

And yes, there are some men out there that mean what they say...


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

cindilu said:


> Before we went to the Crayfish Festival we had talked that we wanted to be in a relationship or going out with each other only so to speak. The very next day was the day that we met my friend at the festival. When I came up to them sitting across the table from each other I thought nothing of it only because this is a small town and I know alot of people here. ???


Why would he double book at the same festival? What she is telling you doesn't make sense. Or else I am not following the story.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:donut:

Don't do anything rash, Cindilu.

Be wise as a serpent, harmless as a dove.

Keep your ears, eyes, hands ... and heart ... OPEN.

Don't shut off because of this.

:donut:


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

cindilu said:


> Before we went to the Crayfish Festival we had talked that we wanted to be in a relationship or going out with each other only so to speak. The very next day was the day that we met my friend at the festival. When I came up to them sitting across the table from each other I thought nothing of it only because this is a small town and I know alot of people here. ???


Okay, you became exclusive only the day before the Crawdad Fest.

Any understanding or misunderstanding between him and any other women previous to that time DO NOT COUNT in your relationship to each other.

You get to choose. Do you trust and respect this man? Or do you trust and respect the woman friend more?


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

I have sent him a text message asking about it and what was going on. Still no response, so will sit back and wait to see I guess. 

Thanks for letting me vent and thanks for the good advice.


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## JohnnyLee (Feb 13, 2011)

cindilu said:


> Before we went to the Crayfish Festival we had talked that we wanted to be in a relationship or going out with each other only so to speak. The very next day was the day that we met my friend at the festival. When I came up to them sitting across the table from each other I thought nothing of it only because this is a small town and I know alot of people here. ???


He was AT the festival with your friend?? Wow!

Yeah, the ONLY ONE TIME in my life have I ever dated two girls at once, and I told them BOTH at the time that I was and they were cool with that, wound up marrying one of them.

I stand by my orginal gut reaction from before, he's a player :flame:


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

cindilu said:


> What is with guys that want to have more then one?


MORE than ONE.........???? I was last with a woman in 1998. (It was nice)


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## GarlicGirl (Mar 12, 2010)

He may be a player, but he may also not be a player. I don't think you have enough information to determine that yet.


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## lonelytree (Feb 28, 2008)

Sourdough said:


> MORE than ONE.........???? I was last with a woman in 1998. (It was nice)


You better get to town before you go blind.


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## MoonRiver (Sep 2, 2007)

cindilu said:


> Are there any men left that aren't for real? I mean, this was the guys issue that I dated off on on for nine years as well. What is with guys that want to have more then one?


Sometimes we fish with 2 or 3 poles trying to catch the "big one". 

Why not just ask him?


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## MDKatie (Dec 13, 2010)

cindilu said:


> I have sent him a text message asking about it and what was going on. Still no response, so will sit back and wait to see I guess.


You sent him a text? Why not call him? I don't understand talking about relationships through texting!:shrug:


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

MDKatie said:


> You sent him a text? Why not call him? I don't understand talking about relationships through texting!:shrug:


I guess because my personality is not on in your face type of thing, I am curious how he is going to respond and if he plans to back peddle etc? I don't want to come off to him as being accusing, but rather give him a chance to talk or tell me when and if he is ready.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:donut:

I hate to be placed into a situation where I KNOW no matter what I say (or how I say it) it's not gonna look too good ... man o'man o'man.

:donut:


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## coolrunnin (Aug 28, 2010)

The written word is about the worst form of communication available, that said face to face doesn't have to be nor should it be confrontational.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

Surely you and your friend have talked and seen each other since this festival? She's just now mentioning this?


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

I think that you're blowing this all out of proportion.

You and he have just (yesterday) decided to make this exclusive. Give it some time and leeway. However it goes, the truth will come out in the end.

How long have the two of you been dating?


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## Guest (Jul 5, 2012)

Ardie. They live together.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:donut:

they do?

dadgummit, how in the world do i get so far behind ... really?

:donut:


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

yes i thought they had moved in together too. last week? and his daughter was planning the marriage. all the best Cindi. ~Georgia.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Ardie/WI said:


> I think that you're blowing this all out of proportion.
> 
> You and he have just (yesterday) decided to make this exclusive. Give it some time and leeway. However it goes, the truth will come out in the end.
> 
> How long have the two of you been dating?


No, yesterday we didn't decide to make it exclusive, we did that a month ago, right before the festival. 

That is why I am asking, not trying to blow it out of proportion.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

We live together, meaning he stays at my house all the time. Until this week, now it isn't so much because I took a daycare child that comes at 5:30 in the morning which means I work 12 hours full on with kids. And because I have fans in my room so it doesn't get to hot. Even in the heat he walks around with a jacket on, plus because of all of his medical stuff going on he has a tendency to want to be up all night. I NEED sleep because I work 12 hours + a day. 

His daughter is planning a wedding, he hasn't asked me to marry him, but his daughter wants me to be mom and for the record she is a very sweet girl and I really enjoy having her around the house.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Terri in WV said:


> Surely you and your friend have talked and seen each other since this festival? She's just now mentioning this?


Actually, this was the first time I have really seen her since the festival, she has missed alot of Zumba and now that summer is here we are all out doing the same music events.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

What cr just said. Look how many times people have got mad at posters including me cause they red something into the words posted that was NEVER ment to be there. Id rather get nothing than a posted message saying get lost. And SD I hadnt been out on a date since 91


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## Vickie44 (Jul 27, 2010)

Nevermind


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## HermitJohn (May 10, 2002)

Best strategy is to just start throwing rocks anytime another human comes within range. Much safer that way.


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

FarmBoyBill said:


> And SD I hadnt been out on a date since 91



Yes, But I look like Sam Elliot............:hijacked:


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Sourdough said:


> Yes, But I look like Sam Elliot............:hijacked:


Yes, but do you sound like Sam Elliot, it is his voice that makes him so dang sexy.


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

keep an eye on him and look for signs that he may either be a player or he may be playing you.


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

cindilu said:


> Yes, but do you sound like Sam Elliot, it is his voice that makes him so dang sexy.


Sadly I do NOT sound like Mr. Elliot.


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## GarlicGirl (Mar 12, 2010)

Sourdough said:


> Sadly I do NOT sound like Mr. Elliot.


Dang...(unpacking suitcase).


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

I have talked over the phone with my guy and got his perspective on the whole thing... 

It was not meant to be a date between him and her or he would not have brought his daughter. She had asked him to go with her and some of her friends. I had also planned on attending and since we were supposed to be dating or in a relationship invited him to go with me which was why we met there. That was when I came and found them sitting at the same table. Not trying to blow it out of proportion and make it a big deal. 

Thanks for all of the advice and thoughts. Who knows where it will go from here as he is now not happy with me for questioning it. I give up on this whole dating thing.


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## naturelover (Jun 6, 2006)

You have a crawfish festival in Oregon??? I didn't know there was any crawfish worth mentioning in Oregon let alone have a festival, I thought they were most common in the south and southeast. I learn something new everyday. :grin:

.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Crawfish and wine, don't forget the wine and good blues. Ya got me at the blues. I love me some good down home music. They had them brought in from who knows where, Portland Or I think and they were farmed, not natural in the natural sense. Oh, and don't forget the wine, I love me some wine.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

cindilu said:


> Who knows where it will go from here as he is now not happy with me for questioning it. I give up on this whole dating thing.


:donut:

I think it is understandable ... I don't jump for joy, either, when my integrity is questioned ... so be empathetic, and patient, there.

That is, if you really like the man.

And, if you really do like the man, then take a deep breath and don't give up.

(( hug ))

:donut:


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## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

glazed said:


> I think it is understandable ... I don't jump for joy, either, when my integrity is questioned ...


She asked for an explanation; it seems he had a plausible one. That he wasn't pleased about her inquiry would be a huge red flag to me. They've just begun and already she's not supposed to ask questions? What kind of communication is that?


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## Sourdough (Dec 28, 2011)

GarlicGirl said:


> Dang...(unpacking suitcase).



I could fake-it for one night..........:kiss:


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## Echoesechos (Jan 22, 2010)

Cindi, it sounds plausible as an explanation. Why your friend would put it the way she did, I don''t know. I'm hoping it all comes out ok.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

katydidagain said:


> She asked for an explanation; it seems he had a plausible one. That he wasn't pleased about her inquiry would be a huge red flag to me. They've just begun and already she's not supposed to ask questions? What kind of communication is that?


They've just begun, and they are already living together, and she was going to worry about what did or did not happen BEFORE she began sharing her bed with him? 

Of course she is supposed to ask questions! It just seems to me that some questions (if they are going to be asked) are better asked before you go to a deeper level.

The timing of inquiries are just as important as the inquiries themselves ... and so are the reactions of both parties. 

Despite all my disappointments and pain, it is amazing I am not bitter/hardened ... I still prefer to give others the benefit of the doubt, and prefer to assume the best.

I don't have "rose-colored" glasses on ... but I don't have "red ones" either.

Not everything has to be a "red flag."

I prefer to wear pink glasses.

And that pink mindset has colored my responses on this topic from the very beginning:

Be wise as serpents, harmless as doves.

:donut:


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

This is the inherent problem with lots of people. The jealous friend, the new relationship, the previously hurt people, unsure about trusting or being trusted...etc...blah.

If he's being honest and wasn't leading her on or anything then he shouldn't be mad at asking him what the real deal was. Unless the questioning was...you know...bare bulb inquisition questioning.

What's interesting in this whole thread to me is...none of it would have made me personally wonder or worry...but the getting angry at being asked would. haha. Another inherent problem with people...asking advice over the internet where people do not really know-know both parties...and we all base our reactions to your experience on what we have experienced and not with the person in question.....

It's all a toss up. What really tells is behavior over time...yet another reason to put going slow at the top of the list.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:donut:

Is he angry? Did he really get mad? 

All I said was that I could understand him "not being happy" ... big difference.

And did he say she is not supposed to ask questions? Or is it just assumed that because her question did not make him happy that she shouldn't ask any more ever again?

Please don't allow negativity from the past into your present ... please, please fight it.

:donut:


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:donut:

I feel compelled to say THIS right now ... before someone assumes something opposite:

Cindilu is my friend. I am NOT against her. I am FOR her. I love her. She asked for a serious exchange of opinions, and I have given her my serious opinion. 

Whatever she does, for her own Self, is just fine with me. I will stand beside her and say, "That's right." 

:donut:


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## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

I don't see how giving CL the benefit of my experience is negative. In the beginning I didn't ask questions or the right ones. Oh, I sure thought I did. I'd been fooled before so I insisted on meeting his sister and I spoke with his friends. My mother passed away in 2005; I didn't have anyone to talk to about my emerging misgivings prior to getting caught up in his world. My family loved him. (If that isn't a red flag, I don't know what is!) Once I was stuck, I wasn't allowed to question ANYTHING; actually I could but I was likely going to get smacked around for doing so. In hindsight I realize my inquiries had been brushed aside from the get go; I was too lovestruck to see the pattern.

I don't think a true friend means you just agree--I think a true friend tries to protect their friend from missing signals and getting hurt--a true friend is prepared to be a shoulder should things go awry.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

glazed said:


> :donut:
> 
> I feel compelled to say THIS right now ... before someone assumes something opposite:
> 
> ...


I know you are a friend and I am okay with all of your responses. I am still trying to put together in my mind what happened and still talking it over with my guy. I think she was hurt that what she wanted in a possible relationship didn't go further which was why it hurt her. I felt bad because I did not know that as her intention when I stepped into middle of it. He is mad because he feels like his integrity in is question. And I am super sensitive in this area because my x husband cheated as well as my nine year off and on relationship. So this is my sore area so to speak. I am sure we will find out more and more about each other as we go along if that is what we decided to do. It takes a long time to learn someone and yes we moved fast. Maybe to fast, so we are both slowing it way down.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

katydidagain said:


> She asked for an explanation; it seems he had a plausible one. That he wasn't pleased about her inquiry would be a huge red flag to me. They've just begun and already she's not supposed to ask questions? What kind of communication is that?



Yeah, I wondered about that too. Why is he unhappy about being asked for clarification of what when on....something to think about.


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## Guest (Jul 5, 2012)

Besides from me, is anyone here *NOT* on drugs?? I mean, for crying out loud.....


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## GarlicGirl (Mar 12, 2010)

Sourdough said:


> I could fake-it for one night..........:kiss:


One night! Sheesh, I'm not that kind of girl.......:nono:


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Ardie/WI said:


> Yeah, I wondered about that too. Why is he unhappy about being asked for clarification of what when on....something to think about.


I think it depends on HOW it is asked would answer WHY he would react with some negativity. Was in an innocent inquiry or did it come across as questioning his integrity? How much hurt and anger is Cindilu experiencing over this, and who is she expressing it to? (besides us)

Thing is, one of the differences between men and women is the importances we place on events. The man says it "wasn't a date." To most men, even dates are meaningless events right along with meeting each other's families. Totally meaningless. These are Big Freakin' Deal Events to women.

The Big Freakin' Deal to a man is each step into true love, trust and commitment. They happen inside.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Laura said:


> I think it depends on HOW it is asked would answer WHY he would react with some negativity. Was in an innocent inquiry or did it come across as questioning his integrity? How much hurt and anger is Cindilu experiencing over this, and who is she expressing it to? (besides us)
> 
> Thing is, one of the differences between men and women is the importances we place on events. The man says it "wasn't a date." To most men, even dates are meaningless events right along with meeting each other's families. Totally meaningless. These are Big Freakin' Deal Events to women.
> 
> The Big Freakin' Deal to a man is each step into true love, trust and commitment. They happen inside.


Exactly, which is why I first did it with text, then later phone. I am not one to throw stones, but rather ask and like I explained to him, I just wanted to know what was going on. I want stuff out there dealt with, the move on and it should be end of story, for him I guess it isn't so easy. I really do think she wanted more and got her feelings hurt, which was not my intention either. No anger for me, more hurt and confusion as I have been down this road before. But I also have to take him at face value and believe him till he proves me other wise.


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## GarlicGirl (Mar 12, 2010)

cindilu said:


> No anger for me, more hurt and confusion as I have been down this road before. But I also have to take him at face value and believe him till he proves me other wise.


Making a relationship successful requires continuous effort. That's why it is called "commitment". The reward is in the quality of the relationship. Take a deep breath and talk it out when you are together. If you two are unable to do that, how are you going to handle the tough stuff? Right now this probably feels like tough stuff, but is probably a misunderstanding.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

cindilu said:


> Exactly, which is why I first did it with text, then later phone. I am not one to throw stones, but rather ask and like I explained to him, I just wanted to know what was going on. I want stuff out there dealt with, the move on and it should be end of story, for him I guess it isn't so easy. I really do think she wanted more and got her feelings hurt, which was not my intention either. No anger for me, more hurt and confusion as I have been down this road before. But I also have to take him at face value and believe him till he proves me other wise.


It's something that happened in a small window between him making a commitment to you the night before, and a "see ya' there and hang with your friends" with her.

If he hasn't dated her since his commitment to YOU, where is this fear of cheating coming from and why are you introducing it into this relationship?


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

cl, from what I've read so far, it sounds as if you've been through the fire and come out the other side. Unless you're a dunce, and I don't get that impression from reading your posts, you've learned a few things along the way. Trust your gut. Be honest with yourself and others. Don't compromise your values. 

Most people that have been down that road subconsciously devise tests to gauge honesty in others. Trust your tests, but don't let the drama make you second guess your instincts. 

This is from a prayer that I've paraphrased for my own journey, "I will strive for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."


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## Guest (Jul 6, 2012)

You're never gonna believe it, but I see patterns. Spelling, punctuation. You can fool some of the people some of the time.


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## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

zong said:


> You're never gonna believe it, but I see patterns. Spelling, punctuation. You can fool some of the people some of the time.


I believe you that you see patterns; I never dropped acid and only tasted a persimmon once (blech) so I haven't clue what they look like.  Elaboration is a fine thing on this day of truths...post #?


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## Guest (Jul 6, 2012)

OK, since you ask. cindilu has as her username, all lower case letters. Yet, out of respect, everybody that addressed her uses upper case as in "Cindi" or CL" Except someone who might have a job obsessed compulsion with spelling, capitalization, etc. Keeping that in mind, remember the recent past. I'm aware that everybody don't have a near eiditic memory. Everybody can't remember every post from the past year. But I do. Nothing that anybody can ever do will escape the patterns they have made for themselves. Just is.

"Is" is "Is"


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## Guest (Jul 6, 2012)

Did you ever see a poster who never made sense, couldn't spell worth a hoot, and only posted once a month turn into a spelling phenomenon, 50 posts a day, bright poster? Then turn back to his or her former self? And you never once thought "What happened here??"


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## Guest (Jul 6, 2012)

I see patterns


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## Shygal (May 26, 2003)

MDKatie said:


> You sent him a text? Why not call him? I don't understand talking about relationships through texting!:shrug:


I thought they were living together, why not talk? :stars:


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## acde (Jul 25, 2011)

Cindi, 
Communication skills are deminishing. You should talk face to face so the other can read your body language and hear your voice. 
If your man is use to being accused that is how he will take your text. A person who gets upset over a simple question based on a situation that is important to you is going to be a lot of work, Are you willing to put in the work?


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

I look at things differently I suppose....

If he is upset that you asked, then I would ask myself why. Part of any new relationship IS asking questions and getting clarity about the other person and his/her past. If you have nothing to hide then questions should be welcomed and answered honestly.

Personally, I think the guy should be flattered that someone as wonderful as yourself cares enough about him to make sure things are ok between the two of you. If he cares for you the way he claims, then he should be working double time to assure you that YOU are the only woman he wants to be with.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

I agree with acde on the communications skills thing. Timing is part of that. Something like this can wait for a quiet in-person conversation. 

I think getting a text would make me feel blindsided.


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## katydidagain (Jun 11, 2004)

shanzone2001 said:


> I look at things differently I suppose....
> 
> If he is upset that you asked, then I would ask myself why. Part of any new relationship IS asking questions and getting clarity about the other person and his/her past. If you have nothing to hide then questions should be welcomed and answered honestly.
> 
> Personally, I think the guy should be flattered that someone as wonderful as yourself cares enough about him to make sure things are ok between the two of you. If he cares for you the way he claims, then he should be working double time to assure you that YOU are the only woman he wants to be with.


Can I have an Amen?


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

katydidagain said:


> Can I have an Amen?


Amen, Sister!!! lol


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

naturelover said:


> You have a crawfish festival in Oregon??? I didn't know there was any crawfish worth mentioning in Oregon let alone have a festival, I thought they were most common in the south and southeast. I learn something new everyday. :grin:
> 
> .


I've got some dandies in my pond. Was just talking tonight with a friend about harvesting a bunch of them instead of letting the raccoons eat so well!

cindilu, I'm not saying this to hurt you, truly. But I've made an observation that might be useful to you. At least, that's my purpose in stating it -- to give you something useful. I think you're a girl with a generous heart and you deserve to share it with someone who will appreciate all you have to give.

So.... slow..... down. A lot. Don't give so readily.

It feels like it was only a few seconds ago that you were saying no more, no men, you were done with them. Then a wedding was being planned by a daughter, and even the fact that it was permitted to be discussed is unsettling. I've watched you go through several difficult times with fellas in the brief space of time since I've gotten to know you, and it just seems like a lot of heartache might be avoided by taking more time at the outset of these... entanglements. 

There ARE good men out there. There are wonderful men who don't play games. But they mostly lay in the weeds for awhile until they figure out who you are and if you are a good fit together. I strongly urge you to do the same.

Big hugs, sweetie. I know you feel everything clear through to your bones. I hope it works out as you want it to. And I hope he doesn't turn out to be a toad. But I'm afraid he might be.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

Raeven said:


> It feels like it was only a few seconds ago that you were saying no more, no men, you were done with them. Then a wedding was being planned by a daughter, and even the fact that it was permitted to be discussed is unsettling. I've watched you go through several difficult times with fellas in the brief space of time since I've gotten to know you, and it just seems like a lot of heartache might be avoided by taking more time at the outset of these... entanglements.


I have learned the hard way to protect my heart. I don't want you to give yours away easily. A good man will work for your love and affection, and with a true, honest man you will never have to question his love for you. You will know it deep in your core. 

Not saying this man isn't a good match for you, but keep guarded and if you want to ask something then ask!!! Any man who has gotten to know me will tell you that I am the queen of questions...and it goes both ways.

You know I love you and if you love him then I am happy for you....just be sure he feels the same times 100!!!


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## littlejoe (Jan 17, 2007)

cindilu said:


> Okay, so I am still blown away and a little bit numb but here it is...
> 
> It is about the guy I have been seeing. Last night I went to the fire works with my two boys and met up with some good friends. One of them is a girlfriend of mine that I dance with , and do zumba with. We got to talking about my guy and she mentioned that they had also been talking previous. I found out that a month ago when I had gone out on a date with my guy at the craw fish festival that he was supposed to have gone out on a date with her then as well. Meaning that was supposed to be her date time with him. During the festival she caught on that he had also been talking with me and backed off. I didn't know it was also supposed to be a date with her?
> 
> So what the heck?


People are always willing to give advice and pass judgement when they don't know which end of a horse gets up first? Actually we don't know a darn thing 'bout your relationship with this man.

Perhaps a perspective, might be asked, which is a different thing, than judgement? I can honestly say, I don't know diddly!

You best talk to him, and make your mind up for yourself.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

I have talked with him and in my mind it has been worked out, maybe not in his, but at least I have a understanding of what happened. Once I have it worked out then it is a done deal and for me doesn't need to keep being brought up. Done is done. He has not been staying at my house this week because he is trying to respect my space and allow family time considering my son just moved to Denver Co and I am not taking it very well. He has stayed away so we could have time as a family, get my son packed and do all the last minute details, so I could not talk to him face to face. Considering my night last night I know I won't be seeing him tonight either but rather trying to catch up on sleep. This is one of those times that I do wish I could go to a Doc and get sleeping meds or what ever they give out. 

Thanks for all the advice and thoughts.


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## WolfWalksSoftly (Aug 13, 2004)

Cindi you should be thinking intellectually instead of emotionally.... RUN!


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

WolfWalksSoftly said:


> Cindi you should be thinking intellectually instead of emotionally.... RUN!


Wolf, right now my mind is not thinking but rather numb. My eyes are swollen and I am sporting baby butt desitin under them to hide the dark circles from crying all night long. Denver is looking better and better all the time.


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## homefire2007 (Sep 21, 2007)

cindilu said:


> I have talked with him and in my mind it has been worked out, maybe not in his, but at least I have a understanding of what happened. Once I have it worked out then it is a done deal and for me doesn't need to keep being brought up. Done is done. He has not been staying at my house this week because he is trying to respect my space and allow family time considering my son just moved to Denver Co and I am not taking it very well. He has stayed away so we could have time as a family, get my son packed and do all the last minute details, so I could not talk to him face to face. Considering my night last night I know I won't be seeing him tonight either but rather trying to catch up on sleep. This is one of those times that I do wish I could go to a Doc and get sleeping meds or what ever they give out.
> 
> Thanks for all the advice and thoughts.


Cindilu, sleep deprivation might have a bearing on this. Go get some melatonin and try to catch up on your sleep....things might seem quite different when your rested and at your best. I don't know your situation. only you do. But it will look a whole lot better when you've had some decent rest and your energy is back.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

Good news is today is Friday and you have the weekend off...stay in your pajamas and SLEEP!!! Your body needs the rest and your heart needs a reprieve. Sleep can be a great escape sometimes....

Love you, Friend!!!


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

I think I will take that advice tomorrow Shan, love the pj's idea and just being in my own little quiet world.


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## Raven12 (Mar 5, 2011)

There are hippies in Denver.


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

...

ohmygoodnessgraciousravencracksmeoutx12

...

(((hugs for cinidlu)))

...


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Ya know me, I will always follow the hippies, lol.


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

Cindilu try some Melatonin. It knocks my lights out. My sisters son left for basic training for the army June 25. He is her youngest but she seems to be taking it ok or she is just making me think she is. Her oldest son did the same thing but it really upset her when he left more I guess because he was the first to leave the nest. Hugs to you girl. Be kind to yourself.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

cindilu said:


> Okay, so I am still blown away and a little bit numb but here it is...
> 
> It is about the guy I have been seeing. Last night I went to the fire works with my two boys and met up with some good friends. One of them is a girlfriend of mine that I dance with , and do zumba with. We got to talking about my guy and she mentioned that they had also been talking previous. I found out that a month ago when I had gone out on a date with my guy at the craw fish festival that he was supposed to have gone out on a date with her then as well. Meaning that was supposed to be her date time with him. During the festival she caught on that he had also been talking with me and backed off. I didn't know it was also supposed to be a date with her?
> 
> So what the heck?


I have not read all the replies.
I do not know anymore than what you have posted above.
Based upon that.....
Run.
No, seriously. Run.
YOU are worth more than rubies!
YOU are an amazing person that deserves better than this!
YOU deserve more integrity and respect.
YOU are worth MORE than what you are receiving.
RUN NOW, while you can.......and don't look back.

ETA:Are there any reasons that Denver is out of the question?
Sounds like you have BTDT and have the scars to prove it (cheaters).
YOU are worth more than that type of person.
You are worth, so much more!!


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

cindilu said:


> Ya know me, I will always follow the hippies, lol.


HEY! come to the OregonCountry Fair chickie, I'll show you a good time. Step into my tent of magical delights...


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

wyld thang said:


> HEY! come to the OregonCountry Fair chickie, I'll show you a good time. Step into my tent of magical delights...


I plan on doing just that and then some. I plan on drinking some good beer, dancing up a storm and who knows how much more trouble we can find our selves into. Looking forward to meeting you chica.


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## sidepasser (May 10, 2002)

Cindilu Who - remember me? As a person who observes a lot of person to person contacts and sits back and wonders what the F..

If a man makes me wonder: 1.. If he is faithful - I am outta there
2. If he has any common sense at all - I am outta there
3. If he is a paranoid schizo - I am outta there..

which outta there rings your bell?

Truly GirlFriend, if you are already wondering..it's time to move on out and find a man that don't leave you wonderin what he's all about..

Truly..you are a bright, beautiful, healthy, vivacious lady..no sense in making things difficult for yourself, just move along and find a man that appreciates YOU and thinks the sun rises and sets on YOU.

My man thinks I hung the moon and stars and had something to do with the sun making it's orbit..

that is what you need. A man that wakes up in the morning and says: Honey, can I bring you coffee or do you want tea? 

and you say: what do you think? and he says: it's Saturday and in the Park, lovely fourth of July..Saturday, in the park, I think it should be Coffee..and he brings you a cuppa and you sip and say..You know, you are doing alright, why don't you come back to bed?

and he does..
and you never wonder where his heart is or where he is inclined to travel. And when you get up:

you fix HIM breakfast and it goes like this: Hon, do you want bacon? yep..do you want eggs? Yep, and do you want an omelet, and he says "Hon, if you fix it, I'll eat it" and you do..

and all is good is both of your worlds.

Lord Have Mercy Hon..if you are wondering where your man is..or wondering where he wants to be.. at this early stage of the game..
He AIN'T the MAN for you

you are too good for this!


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

Mead

special brownies

mud

fur


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## sidepasser (May 10, 2002)

wyld thang said:


> HEY! come to the OregonCountry Fair chickie, I'll show you a good time. Step into my tent of magical delights...


WT - you make me laugh out loud.. I just gotta get out there and ride with you on the cycle and Lord Have Mercy, I may never be the same again.

I surely do like Oregon, I especially like Eugene, and Grants Pass..are you near there?

I am so glad that things are working out for you, I do worry about you. I surely do.


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

^^^^^omg I'm so laughing. I'm not sure if it's better to interpret that(mead, brownies, mud, fur) as what my man will get, or the trouble cindi and me will find....

love you peeps!


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

sidepasser said:


> WT - you make me laugh out loud.. I just gotta get out there and ride with you on the cycle and Lord Have Mercy, I may never be the same again.
> 
> I surely do like Oregon, I especially like Eugene, and Grants Pass..are you near there?
> 
> I am so glad that things are working out for you, I do worry about you. I surely do.


Thanks SP! I can be near Eugene/GP  I am an hour from POrtland.

I will be ok. The trouble I've seen has been really bad...it's all better from here. I see the good in having nothing left to lose, then there is everything to gain. 

I love the blues. This song has been getting a lot of play on the radio around here lately. I'm really diggin it. It makes it better.
[YOUTUBE]C6up076lSH8&[/YOUTUBE]

(fixed the words)
I've been run down
I've been lied to
I don't know why, 
I let that mean man make me a fool
He took all my money
Wrecks my home
Now she's with one of my good time buddies
They're drinkin' in some cross town bar(sorry couldn't come up with a replacement for this one, but it's close enough)

Sometimes I feel
Sometimes I feel
Like I've been tied 
To the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post 
Good lord I feel like I'm dyin'

My friends tell me
That I've been such a fool
And I have to stand down and take it babe,
All for lovin' you
I drown myself in sorrow
As I look at what you've done
Nothin' seems to change
Bad times stay the same
And I can't run

Sometimes I feel
Sometimes I feel
Like I've been tied 
To the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post 
Good lord I feel like I'm dyin'


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

wyld thang said:


> Mead
> 
> special brownies
> 
> ...


Oh my goodness, you had me laughing out loud on that one. I LOVE mead, so I really need to get a game plan going on how to stay the night or something because I really do like mead, almost as much as I like tequila. It is a toss up there. 

Brownies, last time I ate one on accident I called my best guy friend on the phone because I couldn't figure out why my bed was swimming. 

Mud, you get all the mud ya want girlfriend, but I will be your cheer leader on the side lines. 

Fur, do I really want to know? LOL.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

wyld thang said:


> ^^^^^omg I'm so laughing. I'm not sure if it's better to interpret that(mead, brownies, mud, fur) as what my man will get, or the trouble cindi and me will find....
> 
> love you peeps!


Opps, I shoulda read that post before I went and posted mine. :nanner:


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

sidepasser said:


> Cindilu Who - remember me? As a person who observes a lot of person to person contacts and sits back and wonders what the F..
> 
> If a man makes me wonder: 1.. If he is faithful - I am outta there
> 2. If he has any common sense at all - I am outta there
> ...


This I will have to think about and on, good advice though.


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## sidepasser (May 10, 2002)

WT- I do worry about you, if you were near me, i would bring you food and listen to you and take you to yard sales and say "bless your heart, you didnt know that he was such a dip----"

and I know I will probably receive some sort of censure, but I've been a member since God was a youngster, so maybe I won't get an infraction.

WT - I truly do think you a one of a kind and I hope that if there is anything you need, anything I can help you with, anything that I can send you.you will let me know.

And Greg Allman ain't all that and a bag of chips young lady..

you need to meet the man.. the real deal, the one that thinks woman are it:

Here ya go.. cause I think you are one:

[YOUTUBE]3fPQC4eRJuk&feature=related[/YOUTUBE]


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

wyld thang said:


> Mead
> 
> special brownies
> 
> ...


Is this the old game of which one of these things doesn't belong?

I'll go with fur...yep, fur. 

I've had a lot of good old days and can conjure up memories, but none of them include fur(not unless it would be in reference to a hairy man).


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

:donut:

This playful banter is kinda sorta starting to remind me, vaguely, of a quote ... but I cant for the life of me think of where it came from ... but it went something like:

"Well I, for one, am not going down Hippy-Dippy-Doo Lane with you!"

Where in the world is that from? Who said it?

:donut:


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## glazed (Aug 19, 2006)

btw, I love me some honeywine ... yes'm I sure does.


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

sidepasser said:


> WT- I do worry about you, if you were near me, i would bring you food and listen to you and take you to yard sales and say "bless your heart, you didnt know that he was such a dip----"
> 
> and I know I will probably receive some sort of censure, but I've been a member since God was a youngster, so maybe I won't get an infraction.
> 
> ...


chips shmips--your love is all that AND a giant plate of bacon wrapped dates stuffed with blue cheese. thank you


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

or you could let me ride your horse! ha!


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

Terri in WV said:


> Is this the old game of which one of these things doesn't belong?
> 
> I'll go with fur...yep,* fur*.
> 
> I've had a lot of good old days and can conjure up memories, but none of them include fur(not unless it would be in reference to a hairy man).


dont' worry, there will be pictures!


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

and no Bill, not THAT fur


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## Guest (Jul 7, 2012)

I keep thinking about that episode of CSI where people dressed up like animals and had some sort of orgy. Or something. "Furries" or "Furbies" Anyway, I couldn't help but wonder exactly how low they had to set their AC. You know?


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

wyld thang said:


> dont' worry, there will be pictures!


That should be very interesting!


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

zong said:


> I keep thinking about that episode of CSI where people dressed up like animals and had some sort of orgy. Or something. "Furries" or "Furbies" Anyway, I couldn't help but wonder exactly how low they had to set their AC. You know?


"furry scritching"
google dat n smoke it!
(bwahahahahaa! oh I love the places ST goes!)


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

none of this is any of my business, from what I have read (tried to read all of the posts but might not remember something)
you found out a friend was supposed to hang with him at fair.
He may have meant 'to see her at fair' but not a date.
He since is with you (and no one else, I think . . . is that true?)
If he has been with only you, why is it a problem? 
If it hurt your gf's feelings, it is too bad
You are also torn up about your son growing up/leaving, that's kind of part of the hurt feelings. Plus, you have your own business, and that takes up lots of your personal time.

Your friend is a bit insulted that you questioned him, but if he told you the truth, and he's been a 'one woman man' since you've met, what is the issue?
I realize you have met some people who did you wrong; but dont project onto him and hurt yourself (unless he has shown you he isn't worthwhile)

If I have missed something, I'm sorry. Just curious.
Are you mostly blue because son is leaving/left?
Or is other stuff the major issue?
I'm sorry, I hope I'm not insulting anyone, or missed anything . . . .


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

sherry in Maine said:


> none of this is any of my business, from what I have read (tried to read all of the posts but might not remember something)
> you found out a friend was supposed to hang with him at fair.
> He may have meant 'to see her at fair' but not a date.
> He since is with you (and no one else, I think . . . is that true?)
> ...


Sherry, you have it pretty much nailed down. So much more to say but I am just going to keep all that quiet for now. 

He has been a one women man since meeting me I think. It did hurt my girlfriend which was not my intention. I am really missing my son which is making it much worse, and I work 12 plus hours a day which gives me almost no time for a relationship period. My guy doesn't work due to issues, can stay up all night which he does, then sleeps all day. I can't do that because of obvious reasons. And then there is the other stuff which is something I need to figure out how I can deal with. 

Anyways, I think I have it worked out about the girl etc, for now. I have only seen him one time in person since Tuesday night, he did come over yesterday while I was working. Today we are going to get together and talk.


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