# Pooh story



## viggie (Jul 17, 2009)

Maybe 5 years ago, I stopped by after work to my then boyfriends apartment for our weekly dinner. I brought my own and he goes to cook some meal in a box for himself. But the smell that's filling the room isn't browning hamburger. Definitely brown though. Very brown. I hear a horrified gasp from the kitchen so I go to check on him. The "pantry" was just where he kept the cats litter box and the poor thing had some seriously explosive diarrhea. The entire pantry is covered in it about mid thigh high.

I calmly walk to the window and open it. I stay there for breathable air. He's too upset to move or do anything but stare at the closet in disgusted fascination. He comments on impressive amount of coverage. After a few minutes of gasping for air at the window he asks if I am going to come back to help him clean up.

I'm normally all about working together as it's a great way to bond. But....no. 

No. [ ] Way.

I just shake my head. I don't think he's surprised. He just turns to clean up some cat splatter.

What is your best pooh story? I know you've got one.


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

HH=homes are for humans....critters go outside or at/in the barn.

i just cant do it....lol.....my gag reflex is going off just reading your story.....:tmi:


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

i use to move 28 tons of liquid manure at a time wearing rain gear does that count....lol

took 3 days to empty the pit....lol


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

I can beat that one but it involve an ex girlfriend. I still feel bad for her. Here's ho it went down. 

We had dated about 2 months and she was living out of town. So this particular weekend she was spending the first weekend with me. We were on the same page so to speak and this was to be our FIRST weekend, if you know what i mean. 

So we did a funny movie in town, and then stopped at a nice restruant for a late dinner. I had Mexican, she ordered a fish/Mexican taco looking thing. When it came i took one sniff and i was glad i didn't order it because it smelled bad to me. She said it was fine and we ate our dinner. 30 minutes after dinner finished we were at home clawing at clothing to get to dessert. 

Then suddenly she excused herself, i thought OK she needs to freshen up or slip on something pretty whatever. 45 minutes later i gently knocked on the bathroom door to see if everything was OK. it was not. Apparently she had eaten bad fish and had explosive diarrhea , accompanied with projectile vomiting..... 

Mother of all that is holly

As i walked in she was sitting the toilet literally crying her eyes out and the odor that hit me i hope to never smell again, my poor cat was in the corner covered in something, and here eyes were as big as quarters! The cat bolted for the door and girl had another bout of the exorist as in both ends at once while crying. She tried to cover her mouth. Bad idea it came out anyways and splashed back on her face, flew in her hair. went on the wall, I swear I'm not fibbing here, my whole bathroom, her and the cat was covered in nastiness! It was too awful to be funny it was simply a very terrifying ordeal for everybody, even the poor cat.

She was utterly devastated, physically, and emotionally, and my bathroom needed a remodel job. I started the shower and told her to cleanup while i did what i could. It was so bad i just sweep stuff up in the dust pan and flushed it down, then bleached everything, I used every towel i owned and did 2 load of laundry at 12:30 A.M. 

She asked if she could sleep in the bathroom and I said of course if she wanted to. I had to work at 7:00 AM so i left her crashed on the floor. I came home to a dear John note and $20 for cleaning supplies! LOLOL 

I called immediately and said i would not allow something like that to wreck our getting to know each other, i assured her it was fine and that it was a growing experience for us. We dated 6 more months until she got a great job offer out of state.

I never seen or heard of anything as bad as that ever in my life. My cat agreed! LOLOL


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## viggie (Jul 17, 2009)

Poor kitty!!!!!


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

i am sitting here with sides splitting.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

doingitmyself-That is horrible! She was probably soooo embarrassed!!! I would've been too!


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

When my son was just a toddler, I bought him some cheap toy on my way home one Friday evening. The next morning I got up early, he was awake and I went to change his diaper. Inside of the diaper was a perfect little brown terd, with a gold foil sticker in the center that said, "Made in Taiwan".


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

^^^^ now thats funny^^^:clap:


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

When my daughters were toddlers I put them in a bath together while I was in the bedroom next to it. When I checked on them they had opened a huge bottle of baby oil to "wash" their hair. One of them pooed in the tub.....so all over their glistening bodies were little flecks of poo!! I couldn't get a grip on their slippery selves. They thought is was great fun sliding all around......


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

bajiay said:


> doingitmyself-That is horrible! She was probably soooo embarrassed!!! I would've been too!


But you know what, we talked of that experience several times, it was no fault of hers, it was totally just bad luck. Hey, $%^* happens, we got through it and had some great times together. I miss her.


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

You were a good guy for being understanding. 
I'm sorry it all didn't work out though...


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## Guest (Dec 20, 2013)

I first posted this in poopreport.com in December, 2007. I'm just pasting the post from then. 

About 30 years ago, I had surgery for a hernia. Went home and after a week, i became acutely aware that i had not yet had a bowel movement. Called the doctor, who recommended MC(Magnesium Citrate) to me. I drank a bottle, nothing happened. The next day, I got 2 bottles, drank them, nothing happened. i called the doctor, he told me I probably needed to drink more MC. He was a foreign doctor who did not have a good grasp of the English language and not only could I not understand much of what he said, he clearly wasn't understanding much of what I said. Anyway, I got 4 more bottles of MC and sipped all day, still nothing. By then, I had been out of the surgery and no bowel movement for 11 days, I was so full that I actually hurt, and felt like I was going to rip my surgery stitches from being so bloated. Not only that, I sloshed when I walked. Called the doctor yet again, he said I probably was impacted and recommended I stick my finger up my butt. So i sat on the commode and did just that. Well.....when I pulled my finger out, I just exploded. I sat there with a hand outstretched, full and running over with diarea, and feeling like those rockets we used to see on liftoff at cape canaveral, shuddering under the power blasting out of their bottom, I'm sure you've seen those films on TV. I remember thinking something along the line of "What's happening to me?" There would be no pinching this off. The commode got so full that it flushed itself. It was indescribable, and seemed like it would never stop. Finally, it was over, i got a chance to wash my hand and went directly into the shower, so much had splashed on me I had to shower it off. After 11 days and 7 bottles of MC, it was over... i thought. But, there were several minor followthrough visits to the bathroom that afternoon, and the next morning I was as good as ever. (I was only 24 years old then) Like I said, it was 30 years ago, and I still remember it. For constipation or a blockage, it's the real deal. I've recommended it to a few people since then and based on their experience, if you're blocked or just need a good dump, it'll work. If it don't work for you, then you have a different sort of problem.


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

.........


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

Oh, I bet that goes POOF! ^^^:happy2:


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

Terri in WV said:


> Oh, I bet that goes POOF! ^^^:happy2:


it did....someone might get offended over a cartoon rear end.....so i deleted it.


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## viggie (Jul 17, 2009)

My innocent eyes were already tarnished by it.


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

viggie said:


> My innocent eyes were already tarnished by it.



nothing like poopin a nuclear war had out...roflmao


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

elkhound said:


> it did....someone might get offended over a *cartoon rear end*.....so i deleted it.


I missed it!!

Did he post a pic of me,,??,,,,Dang it Elk,,,,,:hair


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

this might turn out as many views as my how to give yourself a enema with a bladder bag to avoid dehydration thread in S&P......lol


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

L.A. said:


> I missed it!!
> 
> Did he post a pic of me,,??,,,,Dang it Elk,,,,,:hair


i will send by pm....at first i thought it was ok....then i thought somebody going to say a cartoon rear end is nudity or some such nonsense.


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## viggie (Jul 17, 2009)




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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

viggie said:


>


you better hope i dont step in that....lol.....we can get in the truck and put the blower down on the floor vent and enhance it......:happy2:


i is 12...lol


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## whodunit (Mar 29, 2004)

The housecat just pooed in the washer the other day. I think DW added detergent and just ran it through a cycle. Problem solved.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Not a bad trick if the cat would do that all the time, no liter box, no litter to buy, just add soap and hit the button! Umm.....


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## calliemoonbeam (Aug 7, 2007)

I missed Elk's post too! Seems like I miss all the good stuff, lol. By the time I get here it's gone poof whether by choice or not. 

Well, this is a really embarrassing story, but I'm going to tattle on myself anyway. When I was 19, I didn't know much about medical stuff (now wish I didn't know SO much, lol). I had been given pretty high-dose narcotics, and no one told me they would cause constipation. Well, in my case, it was severe constipation.

I had taken every kind of laxative, stool softener and enema I could find at the pharmacy, and nothing worked, including several bottles of magnesium citrate. After 12 days, I was crying from the pain, was unable to eat, throwing up, and couldn't even stand up straight, so I went to the ER.

The doctor said I had a severe impaction or possibly an obstruction that might require surgery, but he was going to try to "manually disimpact" me first...yes, that's exactly what it sounds like. He put on a double set of rubber gloves and proceeded to dig into my colon like a miner looking for gold with a pickaxe, lol. I could have used a few pain pills right then! I was totally mortified, and I don't know how he kept a straight face! He was pretty young himself.

I never knew anything could hurt so bad and yet feel so good as it finally started working. He filled up TWO bedpans before he quit and set them to the side. He said he couldn't get "high enough"  to get it all, so he gave me a large enema and told me to lay on my side as long as I could stand it before going to the bathroom. 

Well he left the room, and the longer I laid there the worse those bedpans smelled, and finally I started throwing up just from the smell. I had to call the nurse's desk to ask someone to come in and take them away, and they not only had to deal with THAT disgusting mess, but also the vomit all over the bed and the floor. I mean, that stuff came out of ME, and I couldn't even stand it, but then someone else had to deal with it too!

That is the MOST humiliating experience of my life, but I can (kind of) see the humor now. Truly sorry for anyone I grossed out, but you asked for it Viggie, lol!


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

I guess I have 2; one I told a few months or year ago on st. One happened just this summer! (wheeeee!)

1. My 2nd dd was an infant, and I was feeling 'blah', 'fat', and uninspired. I bought some 'vitamin' pills that helped block fat, rev your metabolism, etc. I followed what it said on the bottle, didn't eat any sugar, or bread, sweets. I ate plenty vegs and some fruit. One day, I bought some red bell peppers home to make a salad. They looked so good! I had to eat one. Apparently I snarfed it down really fast (boy was it delish). Hours later, I visited the toity. Turned around to flush when I noticed 'Mr Poopy' had the red and yellow bell pepper sticker on it. I dont remember eating the paper sticker.....


The other 'incident' was this summer when I was experimenting about fermenting vegetables. I had a bunch of fresh grown beets, oh, so sweet and small! Decided to ferment them. I followed the directions, waiting eagerly while they fermented. The only thing I guess I didn't read in the directions was-- when you eat them, only have a small teasponful at first, because they are magic on your intestines.....The plumber had come that day and shut the water off. I had eaten half a cup of them, when I became really uncomfortable. My friend said 'drive down to town and go into the bathroom at McDon--' I tore out of the house and ran as fast as I could to the woods, praying no one saw me pulling my jeans down as I ran. (knew I might not make it). Stumbled far enough into the woods so that the young plumber couldn't see me. As I squatted, just in time, it felt like blast off at the airport..... Glad I had strong legs, it took a bit. Relieved, I stood, buckled up, turned to go. I was amazed at the projection of those beets. They travelled a long way from my butt to the ground--about a foot and a half away from the exit hole.

Also, thanks you all for giving me another laugh!


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

On a hunting trip, we set up camp, found a big bush not to far away, dug a hole and set up a potty chair for the girls behind it.

Later that afternoon one of the girls bashfully headed for "relief center",,,, Her husband sneaking quietly behind her with a shovel. He hid on this side of the bush and waited for her to get situated.

He very carefully slid the shovel through the bush, under the potty chair and then sat, intensively listening for her to,,uh,,finish.

Soon he, again very carefully, slid the shovel back,,and quickly snuck back to camp with shovel full of POOP!

We are all amused and grinning as we watch all this,,Every minute we waited for her return,,it got funnier,,,,,She remained back there for about 1/2 hour searching for her "deposit",,,When she finally came back, the complete confusion on her face was priceless. She knew she pooped,,Where did it GO!!!

She wondered what we were laughing about, well we didn't tell her until the next year. 

I can't keep from laughing now as I remember that look on her face,,


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

When I was 7, I found this box in the kitchen drawer, it was full of white Chicklet Gum*- Yummy- I ate the whole box (swallowed) on the bus , going to school .By the middle of first class-I could feel a pain in my belly like I had to go #2.:ashamed: . I asked the Sister if I could please use the lavatory? After sending one of the other boys in to check on me twice, she yelled through the door-"are you ok Tommy?"-I exclaimed-"no- I have a bad tummy ache. The Sister called my mom to come and pick me up-sick.My mom figured out what I had done ,when she found the empty ex-lax box in my pants pocket- Lessons learned that day.... ex- lax is not candy*


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

My boy and my youngest daughter (then about 4 and 6) decided to sneak up on the cat, while she was in the little box.
See, I had a 'house type' litter box...big, had a lid with a nice filter, etc..

Well kitty goes in to do her business, and the kids sneak in and start beating on the lid like it was bongo drums!

It freaked the cat out so much that she ran into the inside sides of the litter box, then jumped straight into the top of the litter box....finally getting her bearings and bolting out of the box.

The kids are screaming in laughter.......then dead silence.
I came into the laundry room to find the two of them standing in front of the cat box, with a "oooooo this is gonna hurt' look on their faces.......

I saw the box, and the floor, and said "where's the cat".
They replied "uh, she's in the bathroom"

The cat box is covered in crap.
The floor is covered in crap.....
And the WHITE cat, hiding in the bathroom, is covered in crap.
It's a full blown code brown in our house.

So I called for the kids dad.
HE let the beast in (I am SO not a cat person) so many winters ago....this is HIS cat.
I said "she needs a bath".
Yeah right heh heh heh

He turns on the shower. 
Scruffs the cat.
Holds her in the shower till she is crap free.

I told the kids if they EVER bothered the cat while she's doing her business again, I would come in and scare the crap out of them when they are trying to get THEIR business done......


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## City Bound (Jan 24, 2009)

This thread stinks.........literally! I can smell it all the way up in the Homesteading Families forum. Someone clean this mess up already, pee-ehh. (gagging and running our of this thread)


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## fordson major (Jul 12, 2003)

years ago was milking 90 Holsteins head to head (thank god!!) crew before us had chopped the corn early and was very runny rich stuff that made the cow runny as well. I ran the milkers so was on the business end of the cow a lot, you got to know when they were going to explode!! they would COAT the wall opposite them and after milking you would turn them out and scrape the wales. the dairy inspector came for a snap inspection and when i told her to get out from behind the cows, stood there and argued as the cow I was milking wound up for a round and covered the inspector head to toe!! she did not take it well!! directed her to the shower in the milk house and for some reason we ran out of hot water that day! 
elk hound, amazing how technology moves!! we can now pump 60,000 gals an hour through hoses to a field and give a field an even coat in hours what used to take days!


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## swamp man (Dec 25, 2005)

This is a great thread. As a card-carrying member of the YSA (Yard &%$ters of America), a group of landscapers and grasscutters who dookie behind your azalea hedge, I have many stories.
One of the plentyoffish gals I got to talkin' to a few years back invited me to her house for supper and wine. She was hot enough to justify the hour-long drive, so I went, and we feasted on gumbo, red wine, and each other, a fantastic evening all the way around. At the end of our evening, lying in bed with this exceptionally hot chick, I realize it's time to take the Browns to the superbowl. Problem being, it's a weird, old house, the bathroom is located in the center with three doors, and the scent will waft all four quadrants of the domicile. I opted to hang onto it until morning, when I would go to the convenience store for a "pack of smokes", where I would drop the kids of at the pool...the perfect crime, or so I thought.
I woke at daybreak at what I would estimate at seven centimeters dilation, and starting to crown.....this terd was out of patience, and warn't gonna' wait any longer.
I made my way to the bathroom, and the battle began. It was what I imagine giving birth might be like. She knocked on the door. "are you in there?". "NO", I replied, hoping to confuse her, I guess.
I flushed, and watched the water and the giant monstousity rise towards the rim of the bowl. I worked the plunger like a human jackhammer, and eventually, the overworked toilet took my leavings to terd heaven.
It was a narrow escape.


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

wow Swampman, thanks for the laugh! Fordson major, lol!!


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

You all are lucky that the event i spoke of did not happen to swampman, because he tells a story much better than I do !!! ROFLAO :runforhills:


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## dustyroad (Nov 13, 2013)

Jogged my memory there.
Once upon a time I was a boy and threw bales. It was a dairy farm not far from Lethbridge Alberta. They built a new milking barn and there was a holding pen just outside the barn for close to 300 cows. Heavy metal railing, new milking machines but more importantly a new compressor. The first time they got the cows into the holding pen and brought in the first shift they cranked up the compressor and every single cow in that holding pen let rip with everything they had.
Maybe this was early in the big rig game of these things but the exhaust of the compressor vented out over the holding pen with no muffler and it was seriously loud. I can't figure out today why nobody had seen this coming but it was truly a sea of deep muck!


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## fordson major (Jul 12, 2003)

dusty, they puta new milk parlour in at a dairy farm a mile and a halfaway, unmuffled it sounded like a helicopter landing on the roof! as they milk 3 times a day, got to be a bit much! closer neighbors got it muffled!


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

I jusy got an apple out of my desk drawer. The first thing I saw was the little sticker on it and thought of this thread. I will never not think of this thread every time I see one now!! :grit::yuck:


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

swampman you got my sides hurting with laughter....roflmao


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## fordson major (Jul 12, 2003)

just had a regurgitated repressed memory pop up!! buddy and I worked together pumping liquid manure, he and I got hosed one night 1 AM. just soaked!!! got out of our clothes and hosed each other off as best we could then hoped in the truck and headed for home!! (1 hour away!!) got stopped by a cop on the highway and he was shaking his head when he saw us in our underwear. he did not even glance in the box (reeked bad enough I suppose11) and let us off with a warning about exceeding the speed limit.


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## starjj (May 2, 2005)

The only one I am willing to tell. Many years ago my daughter had a cat that loved to eat Christmas ribbon. You know the satin kind. Well we found a string of ribbon in the litter box with perfectly placed chunks of you know what. Sort of like a Christmas ornament you wouldn't place on the tree.


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## Guest (Dec 22, 2013)

Years ago I had a pretty bad case of colitis..I had memorized the location of every public toilet in Central New Jersey and parts of Philly near the Ben Franklin bridge..
I had lunch with a client of mine..foolishly ate a delicious plate of spicy pasta..on my way home, my gut began the countdown..10 minutes to find a bathroom..9..8..7..6..I saw the public library..SAVED !! Parked the car at the entrance, ran up the stairs and inside..5..4..walked very fast past a group of kindergarden kids sitting in a "story circle"..3...2..into the ladies' room, tossed my winter coat on the floor, made it into a stall just as the countdown ended..

The blast, as it were, was tremendous, echoing off the tile walls...

from the adjacent stall came a very tiny voice..one of the kindergarden kiddos ....
"WOW !!!!!!"...I then heard the toilet flush, the washing of tiny hands..little feet headed out of the door...

When I exited the ladies room , every single one of those little kids stared at me..OMG...somewhere in New Jersey, there is a 35 year old woman who is telling the story of the day in the library bathroom...LOL


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## tiffnzacsmom (Jan 26, 2006)

I have inflammatory bowel disease and didn't know what it was for years but it rarely bothered me. One day I was out on a first one on one date with a guy, we were walking in the woods at a local park when my stomach got squirmy. I told him we needed to head back to the car and halfway back I thought a fart was sneaking out. Luckily I was passing the lake and no one else was around. I had to take an impromptu bath and washed my clothes and shoes as he brought the car down to give me privacy. 

He kept a change of clothes and a towel in the car that I ended up using to be decent on the way home. 

We ended up married.


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

Tammy---just be sure you remove the label before you eat it....just sayin'...
Lesley, lol!


once, while stationed in Korea, my friend Sue and I walked into the common latrine area, you know, sinks, shower, toilets, etc. ( We'd been carousing all night, laughing it up, drinking like sailors. ) We were probably having the kind of conversations that most drunks have.....pointless, stupid, etc. Just at that moment, a very uptight, unfriendly, anal retentive woman we worked with came rushing in and flung herself into a stall, slamming the door shut.
We resumed our pointless slurring, when -BOOOM! BAM! RATATATATTAT!! The latrine walls quivered and we both jumped. I know because we were drunk we both burst into laughter, and shouted 'what do you think THAT was?' 'how's the morning constitutional?' etc....normally you dont bother people when they are crapping in common areas (since you also have to do same) but we were drunk, stupid and really loved annoying her. We stayed there for a while, toothbrushing, giggling, but if I remember right, she didn't leave the stall til long after we were gone.


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## tambo (Mar 28, 2003)

Oh believe me I took it off first thing.


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## arcticow (Oct 8, 2006)

Well, I (snicker) for one, (snort!) am mortally (giggle!) offended by this whole (cackle!) malodorous , crude (LOL) CROWD!!! ROFLOLOL,!!!


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## vicker (Jul 11, 2003)

Well, I have an exlax story too. My family at one time ran a small gas station/garage. My uncle and I were working there one day, it must have been slow, as I was bored and messing around. I noticed that a box of exlax fit nicely on top of one of those little brownies we sold in the snack rack, so I stuck them in the sandwich oven and melted the laxative right there. It looked nice, very professional and I was well
pleased with my infernal device. A customer came in for gas and I had to go out. I placed the item on a low shelf, did my duty and returned to
find that my masterpiece was MIA, and Shadowfax, my uncles German Shepard, had a smug look on his face. He had eaten an entire box of exlax. Of course I had to tell my uncle, who didn't actually kill me after all. He was pretty busy for the next couple of days anyway.


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## elkhound (May 30, 2006)

this thread sure is some funny ....roflmao...:teehee:


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## swamp man (Dec 25, 2005)

tiffnzacsmom said:


> I have inflammatory bowel disease and didn't know what it was for years but it rarely bothered me. One day I was out on a first one on one date with a guy, we were walking in the woods at a local park when my stomach got squirmy. I told him we needed to head back to the car and halfway back I thought a fart was sneaking out. Luckily I was passing the lake and no one else was around. I had to take an impromptu bath and washed my clothes and shoes as he brought the car down to give me privacy.
> 
> He kept a change of clothes and a towel in the car that I ended up using to be decent on the way home.
> 
> We ended up married.


LOL. Ya' know, this thread reminded me of that story when you posted it years ago, I just couldn't remember who posted it...too funny. Good pooh stories never die.

Zach had a gal come visit from Colorado, I had a lady-friend in from Louisiana, and we kinda' went on a bender. Zach is a known sharter. I woke up early, like I always do, with no Zach in sight. I didn't sweat it, as Zach is a true outdoorsman, and will get drunk, wander into the woods, and just get some yonder for a coupla' days. Colorado girl stumbled in and asked me "where's Zach?". 
"Don't know" I tells her. "Probably went for more beer".
Three hours later, and still no Zach, and Colorado girl was startin' to freak out. Zach finally shows back up a bit before noon. As it turns out, Zach was going "commando", blew a disaterous shart, and had nairn else to put on but a pair of long johns. It was cold outside, but he got in his truck to drive to his mom's house for clean clothes, ran out of gas miles short, coasted intonthe entrance of a hayfield, and took off hikin' in his long johns. I know the spot, it's at least three miles from his mom's house, and Zach is still drunk from the night before. He makes the hike in his long johns (the kind with the poop flap), puts on clean clothes, and gets his little brother to take him to get a can of fuel and back to his truck, where he was immediately taken into custody by the sheriff's department....apparebtly, the landowner was having trespassers during deer season, saw the truck, and called the law. Zach is the only person I know to bust a shart so bad that the police had to get involved. He was released without charges, I assume because the cops felt sorry for him.
In another incident only 50% related, Zach, Red, and myself went barhopping shortly after Zach's shartastrophie. I spied me a reeeeaaaaal Purdy girl at the bar, sittin',all alone. I ain't shy, so I introduced myself and invited her to shoot some pool. A few games in, I realized that I way way,way too drunk to do this girly justice, so I gave her to Zach and me and Red went to a different bar. She brought him homr to Possum lane the following morning, jut as I was headed into the yard with a gimpy TV that was on my nerves, and the 9mm to put it out of my misery. She'd never fired a weapon before, so we went through a brief tutorial, and she had a heckuva' good time blowing the TV to bits. She announces that she's gotta' split for the laundry matt to put her laundry in the dryer, and I'm thinkin' "what kind of weirdo does laundry so early in the morning after a night of partying?". Of course, I grilled Zach for the juicy details as soon as she left.... "SO, did ya' hit it?'. I asked.
"No, I passed out and peed all over the bed", which totally explained the early-morning laundry trip, and made me make a promise to myself to never, ever hand perfectly good squirrel over to Zach again. I may not have shown her the performance of a lifetime that night, but I'm pretty sure I coulda' done better than peeing in the bed.


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

That story about Zach gave me quite a laugh!


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

Pull my finger,,,,,

Here I sit, broken hearter
came to s----, and only farted,,,,,


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## KnowOneSpecial (Sep 12, 2010)

A few years ago I bought some AC/DC flannel sleep pants. But my DH and I fought over them because, well, they have the rock band AC/DC on them! Anyways, I had the pants on one morning and I felt a little.....Off. I let what I thought was just a heavy toot out only to realize it was a 'gas with mass' situation. I quickly got out of bed, ran to the shower and quietly put the pants in the washer. 

DH noticed the now clean pants that night and wore them. Apparently I had a virus because that night the same thing happened to him. He was really embarrassed the next morning when I asked him why he changed jammie pants. 

He put his head down and said, "I pooped them drawers." I started laughing hysterically. It was a few minutes before I added, "Yeah, me, too!"


Some couples bond over fun experiences. We bond over pooping the same drawers!


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Not 'zackly a pooh story, but in the realm:

Years and years ago, I was fairly newly arrived to Japan, and accepted a dinner invitation at the home of a sweet, friendly Japanese family. I knew NOTHING of the language, but had taken a crash course in table etiquette. After the meal, I excused myself to use the restroom.

I entered the chamber, and Lo! and Behold! There sat a new-fangled, fancy-schmancy toilet that boasted ALL KINDS of button & levers, all labeled (of course!) in Japanese. 

After taking care of bidness, I chose to operate the most obvious lever, and, BINGO! It was the flush lever!









I was wondering 'bout all the other levers and buttons, and, not content to QUIT WHILE I WAS AHEAD, I let my curiosity get the better of me. :doh: Never mind that I could not read any of them! :ashamed:

I pushed a button, and, Good Grief! This angled tube rose up out of the depths of that toilet, began to rotate, and proceeded to spray water all over me and all the surfaces of that restroom! :rainprf:

I grabbed a towel, and mopped up as best I could, but was WAY too embarrassed to inform my hostess of my idiotic mistake! :frypan:


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## rhaige9 (Oct 31, 2010)

Ok, two stories. First one a horse story.

I worked for this man one summer on his "ranch" guiding trail rides, mucking stall, and breaking horses. He got real cheapo during the summer and would get ugly carrots by the dump truck load to feed the horses instead of hay. You know, the gnarly ones, the ones with two sprouts off them, twisted ones. Not pretty enough for the grocery store. 

We'd feed em by the wheel barrow load. Draft horses got a full barrow, dude horses got half. He didn't bother switching them over gently to let their intestines acclimate, just started morning feed with hay, and evening feed with carrots. 

The next morning we had a whole load of boy scouts come out to go for a ride for an hour. We scrounged up every kid friendly horse we had and even pressed old retired Moon into service. Moon was a 30 year old, grey appy horse with the disposition of an angel. Moon and Dunny, his pony friend, always had to go out together with Moon in the front. They were bonded at the hip. 

All the horses were having the carrot squirts and there were puddles of bright orange horse poop all up and down the line at the hitching rack. We get all the kids mounted up and lined out, headed down the trail. With over 20 kids and three adults we had one of us riding front, me riding up and down the line of horses and a third rider bringing up the rear. 

I hear Moon start to cough, and didn't think nothing of it. He's an old horse and the dust gets to him sometimes. I turn my horse and start riding to the back of the line, chatting with the kids when I see Moon put his head down to cough, and shoot neon orange, runny poop out his back end. It hits Dunny square in the forehead and splashes back all over this poor boy scout. The kid starts yelling, "His horse pooped on my head. His horses pooped on my head." I'm trying not to fall out of the saddle laughing. The kid on Moon is crying because he thinks the orange poop means his horse is dying. 

I ended up putting the kid on Moon up behind me, trying off Moon's lead rope to the back cinch ring, and leading Dunny off the other side with his orange crap covered kid. One of the parents came with me, and we headed back to the ranch. Poor kid had to take a shower in the hose clothes and all.


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## rhaige9 (Oct 31, 2010)

Story #2 is all me. 

I have Crohns disease. Sometimes when it's bothering me, when I realize I have to go, I have to go NOW. Don't pass go, don't collect $200.So here I am stuck in traffic. There had been a micro burst storm that knocked down power lines over the main roads and they'd diverted traffic into a subdivision. One of those subdivisions that have a block wall around them, 500 houses, one road in and out, and all these squiggly roads going nowhere inside. 

I gotta go now. I'm squeezing my poor butt cheeks as tight as I can, but I'm just not going to make it. I pull off down a street that has just back yard block wall fences for the first couple hundred yards. Jump in the backseat and thank god there is an empty plastic bag in the back. I've been trying to pinch it off for so long, my intestines are quivering unsure if it's time to let it go or hold it back. 

I could have powered myself to the moon with the force of the explosion when it finally let go. I have tears streaming down my face from the fumes. I sacrificed my undies to wipe with and tied it all up in the plastic sack. I was worried about it leaking in my back seat, so forgive me, but I shimmied my pants back up, got out of the back and tucked the bag under my car. 

I left that deposit in the bag lying there at the curb and drove off. I always wondered if some poor fool came upon a full bag in the street an opened it to see what was in it.


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## Wavertree (Dec 1, 2013)

I have one...happened about a week ago.

I know man who needs care but is semi independent. He has a little apt but joins us for meals. He thinks the building is too hot so he like to leave his front door open. We catch him at it and tell him no, you cant leave your door open because it is winter. It has been an ongoing battle since the weather turned colder.

A mouse got into his apt and somehow he caught it. He didnt want to tell the caregivers about it because he knew he'd get another lecture about having the door open. He didnt know what to do with it so he stashed it in the toilet. He didnt flush the mouse. He just went on with his life as usual. He doesnt flush the toilet much at the best of times.

We noticed that he was raiding the fridge a lot on the weekend but didnt think much of it. On Monday morning, a staff finally found the poor sodden mousie. It was floating on a 'raft', awash in a sea of cheese slices.


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## Classof66 (Jul 9, 2011)

My late s/o and I were traveling across Kansas on a Sunday night, watching for a motel. We saw a sign board for one advertising a free breakfast, so we hunted it down. The new road had bypassed it, so we had to hunt for it. It was cheap and we were the only guests. The room was fine. We went to bed.

About 3 in the morning, my s/o woke me up. He could not open the bathroom door. We had been in there earlier in the evening, but now the door would not open. Being half asleep, handed him the wastebasket and said to pee in it and I'd take it outside and dump it. He looked at me, and said, "I am afraid its gonna be worse than that." So, still half asleep I emptied a Walmart bag and lined the wastebasket and told him I'd step outside. Afterwhile he said I could come back in, he had the plastic bag of poop tied up really neat by the handles. We went back to sleep.

Morning came, and we got ready to leave. We took the bag out in search of a trash can. All of a sudden, "Can I help you!" It was the motel owner, right in our faces. We explained we were looking for a trash can, and said he had a dumpster in back and nearly grabbed the bag out of s/o's hands and walked away. S/O turned to me, with a little smile on his face and said, "I bet he looks in it."

I said, "Lets get out of here." S/O said "No, we were promised a free breakfast, we are going to get it." So we drove around to the motel office in search of the free breakfast.

The owners wife was in the office, and she had a box of bakery donuts and made coffee. That was the free breakfast. She explained we were the only ones there and we could have the rest of the donuts. They were considering buying the motel and were running it for awhile to see how it worked out. I explained about the bathroom door not working. 

My guy was really good about getting his moneys worth, even if it was a dozen gooey donuts. I have always wondered if they bought the motel.


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## Groene Pionier (Apr 23, 2009)

thought you all were talking about Winnie *sigh*


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

hello Xant! Sorry to disappoint you!


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## Groene Pionier (Apr 23, 2009)

sherry in Maine said:


> hello Xant! Sorry to disappoint you!


Only shows my narrow mindness or/and lack of understanding English, Sherry


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

no, not narrow minded, but probably more refined and classy than we are.....


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## Fowler (Jul 8, 2008)

Ha Ha Ha, this thread is awesome, I am laughing so hard. Looks like I not the only one that flings poo....LOL!!!


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## Guest (Dec 23, 2013)

One more.

Sometime around 1999, I was still married to my youngest's mother, who got really difficult when she drank, which was quite often. One night, as she had a big bottle of rum, she ran out of mixer, and demanded that I find something and make her a drink. There was nothing here. She asked "What's in that green bottle in the refrigerator door?"
Well, it was Magnesium Citrate, a weapon of mass destruction that caused the explosion in my other story. "What does it taste like/" she asked. Kinda like 7up, I guess. 

At that time, she was already on the way out of our lives, so, I let her have what she wanted, although I most certainly did give her a clear warning.

At any rate, some time later she was sipping a mixed drink. Then she made another. A little later, as and was beginning to doze, she sat bolt upright, made a really funny noise, and headed for the bathroom, but didn't make it to the hallway. All I could think of was "You really are full of it." My Lord, what an incredible mess. Later in the night, I heard the unmistakable sound of projectile diarrhea. Imagine waking up half drunk, 100% hung over, crap sprayed everywhere, and it's time to go to work. Man, if I hadn't been laughing so hard, I woulda felt sorry for her.


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

what I want to know, Zong, is, who cleaned it up?


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

These stories are a hoot!! Love the honesty....enjoying the giggles!!


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Fowler said:


> Ha Ha Ha, this thread is awesome, I am laughing so hard. Looks like I not the only one that flings poo....LOL!!!


Well,... i never flung it yet, butt i have had to clean it up!!  :facepalm:


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