# Online dating stuff / question



## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

So this online dating stuff.......
How does it work?

When I was a kid (back when dinosaurs roamed the earth) I remember telling my bff that people should have to fill out a survey / questioneer before they dated to make sure they were compatible. 
((I KNEW I should have trade marked that :hammer)

ANY WAY
What if I just wanted to find a friend? Someone that has some commonalities with me......just to be friends with.
Not make out, hook up or go clubbin' with.

Is there such a thing?
Where I work, everyone I work with is 1/2 my age.....they come to me for 'mom advice'.....:facepalm:
So making friends at work is a no go.
I do not nor do I want to 'belong' to a church.....BTDT and got burned. Go figure.

Ideas / inputs / suggestions are very welcomed!!!:thumb:


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## sidepasser (May 10, 2002)

I met my DH on seniorpeoplemeet.com 
most of the men on there were employed and I dated three different guys before deciding to only date DH.

I stayed off POF (plenty of fish). Most of those I encountered there were looking for a good time or a good paycheck. Blech..

Match.com did not match anyone with me..I think I was not "city enough" for that site.

Farmers only had no farmers in my immediate area but there did seem to be some really nice men on there. I know one HT person who met her spouse on Farmers Only and as far as I know, they are still together.

I think the sites I used that required payment were a much better match for me than the free ones. On seniorpeoplemeet.com the ages were around 50 up and most guys that contacted me had a home, farm, or were into the outdoors.

I had absolutely no luck with at all with eharmony. I did the questionaire and was told that there were NO men registered that matched my profile - lol..I guess horses and outdoors/gardening plus my age were a hinderance there.

You treat a dating website just like real life. Never meet except in a very public spot. I met DH at Barnes and Nobel on a Sunday afternoon. Can't get much more public than that. I also did a background check on him before I decided to get serious. He didn't mind..he holds a high security clearance with the Government  but I wanted to make sure I wasn't dating a Jack the Ripper type. 

All the men I met were employed or recently retired, a few owned businesses and were turning the reins over to their grown children. Many had lost their spouse. A few were older and had small children. 

Best thing to do is make a profile and be honest about what you like, expect, etc. Well unless you are digging for gold, I don't believe I'd tell that ..lol.
But if you hate smokers..state that, can't stand drinking..state that. Love to dance and expect to continue..state that. Otherwise you will not meet a person that will be a good match. I was pretty upfront and I met DH and we have been married 3 years.

It's fun, and just like real life, you are going to get some lemons and you won't be right for some guy and he will tell you and vice versa. Enjoy the journey and hopefully you will meet someone.

I was sort of like Oxankle. I decided I had been single long enough and I made finding a husband my number one priority, just like job hunting. I was not willing to bend on certain things (small children, loads of debt, no job/income, must like horses, etc.) and I did bend on things that really don't matter to me (football watching all winter long was one as when DH is watching a game, I am riding my horse).

Have a great time and never, ever disclose your real name on line, make one up and do not give an exact location..I just had my city and state. Also, stay far away from the dating sites on craigslist - that one tends to result in really bad things happening to people.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

I finally put together a profile for POF. I very rarely go there to look and decided that my heart just isn't into the dating game. And I have always decided that in my heart I am okay with that decision. Here is what I put together for POF. 

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=67201432


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Nice profile and pictures Cindy!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Yup, what he said


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

doingitmyself said:


> Nice profile and pictures Cindy!


Is the profile really okay, the reading part this is?? Does it pretty much describe who I am and ya'll know who I am cuz ya get to listen to me rant all the time.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Yes, it really is fine, especially if is exactly who you are !! Now, if you were just closer... :kiss:


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

what the price of the sites? I did eharmony many years ago had one date it was not fun, then didnt get matched till the fee ran out and I didnt re up.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

POF is free, not sure about the rest of them though. EHarmony is the best from what I hear. My kids said they would pony up the money for me to be on there. Nope, that site is for serious people wanting to hook up and I am not serious.


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## starjj (May 2, 2005)

My experience with Farmers only was not very many people in my area which considering it is very rural was disappointing. The ones there that were over 60 were looking for 18-35 year olds which to me means they are just looking for someone to take care of them or their living in a fantasy world.


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## Guest (Dec 4, 2014)

I spent a decade having LOTS OF fun on dating sites. Not promiscuous, but DATING! I am still friends with one guy with whom I had lots in common, but no magic sparklies! He often joins DH & I for lunch.

I liked Match.com and back when Yahoo Dating wasn't quite so raunchy, I had a couple hiking buddies with which I spent many weekends. eHarmony wasn't around back then, nor was POF or Farmer's... Been a while. 

I had a few guys that were really not screened well, apparently.  Stay smart and do your homework.

My one tip would be that you NOT waste a month of chatting via eMail or phone before meeting your potential date. 
Somehow, our imagination takes over if we dawdle too long, and then we really don't see the actual person across the table through the fog of illusion you've created...

Swap a couple of eMails, and then take the plunge and meet him for coffee one mid-morning. (Coffee is long enough to gauge but not so long as to get sucked in. Get a sample, and then line something up for three days later, if you want some more time!)

And most of all -- HAVE FUN!

There aren't really any "bad" dates. There are less-than-stellar participants, but the date itself is usually fun! If nothing else, you are out and having a new experience! Enjoy it! :-D


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

LOL; Sidepasser has it right.

I tried a couple of the pay sites and had nothing better than was offered by Plenty O' Fish, the free site.

I was honest about myself, said the woman I married would run our household and that I would interfere only if it seemed that our families or our finances were in danger. 

I got "matched" with women a third my age but never met one. Met several really nice ladies, one ripped out some heartstrings, communicated with one especially who thought we were a good match but we were just too far away for our families. One of us would just about have to give up our children.

Then one day I got a response from a woman who said she wrote only because I knew how to use a semicolon. What the heck; she's close enough that I can be there and back in a day--I'll call her and drive over for lunch. End of story. Going on five years now. Way better than I deserve.
Ox


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## sidepasser (May 10, 2002)

I think I paid about 10.00 for 3 months on http://www.seniorpeoplemeet.com/
It is free to sign up and search.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Oxankle said:


> ......
> Then one day I got a response from a woman who said she wrote only because I knew how to use a semicolon. What the heck; she's close enough that I can be there and back in a day--I'll call her and drive over for lunch. End of story. Going on five years now. Way better than I deserve.
> Ox


I told DH the only reason I went out with him was because he was the only person I had ever known that used elucidate in a sentence.

Vocabulary counts! LOL!

Mon


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

OX, has it been five years ago already? Wow, time sure flies huh? For serious, I guess we have all been on here that long, but man time is sure flying by.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

"...but man time is sure flying by."

Yes it is, Cindilu. For those of us who are/were serious about finding another mate time counts. Those who are not driven may find one day that they have let too many years go by. 

I recall with crystal clarity my first kiss--today I cannot remember where I left my hat.
Once I was six feet tall, 175 pounds, merry and carefee. Today I'm 5' 10, 230 pounds, old, bald, ugly and bad tempered.

Don't waste time.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> My one tip would be that you NOT waste a month of chatting via eMail or phone before meeting your potential date.
> Somehow, our imagination takes over if we dawdle too long, and then we really don't see the actual person across the table through the fog of illusion you've created...


Very good advice there. :thumb:


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## Cabanaboy1313 (Oct 15, 2014)

Match.com worked for my and my Gal. I got lots of dates. Then again I am in a metro area of 2,000,000. I never solicited the dates, I only responded to contacts made by the women. I had a few longer relations with a couple of gals. I still maintain a fairly close friendship with one of the ladies I meet on Match. Hope it works for you.


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## moldy (Mar 5, 2004)

> Farmers only had no farmers in my immediate area but there did seem to be some really nice men on there. I know one HT person who met her spouse on Farmers Only and as far as I know, they are still together.


Not sure if sidepasser is referring to me and rancher or not, but we are still very happily together! We celebrated 5 years of marriage in July - and I still think he gets better every day!

My big thing when I got online was that I would reply to any one who contacted me. There were a few that I had to tell "I don't think we're looking for the same thing, but good luck in your search," but I did keep that promise to myself. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there - we should be as kind as possible.

E-harmony didn't work for me - the men looked nice enough, but they looked like they spent more on shoes that I did on my car. I wanted a man with work-rough hands and the confidence to be my spiritual head - I found (or rather God found for me) the perfect one for me in rancher. He was on HT as well, but we met on farmersonly.com


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## Guest (Dec 5, 2014)

My grandfather told me to look at a man's hand and teeth... And I have always. One can tell a LOT from those two gauges. 

Working hands and clean teeth (or completed dentistry) weighs a lot in my life.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

After reading this thread, I decided to go fishing (pof)......again. Had a guy message and then let him text me today. Third text in, he's asking for pics. I posted pics on my pof profile. I'm ready to close my account again.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

I love it when they ask where you live and what you do for a living and you are like, um read the profile dude.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

I just don't get it. I really and truly don't.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

cindilu said:


> I love it when they ask where you live and what you do for a living and you are like, um read the profile dude.


I'd guess the poor guy is just trying to make conversation? Maybe he's not the sharpest knife in the block, and that's all he can come up with. Ehh, help him out a little! 



> Had a guy message and then let him text me today. Third text in, he's asking for pics.


Was he hoping for NAKEY pics? ound:


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

I'd guess the poor guy is just trying to make conversation? Maybe he's not the sharpest knife in the block, and that's all he can come up with. Ehh, help him out a little! 

If he isn't the sharpest knife then he best move on to the next person, lol. I LOVE having my mind engaged in good smart conversation. Get to my mind and the rest of me follows. LOL.


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## sidepasser (May 10, 2002)

I would ignore that guy and move on.."next"!!!


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## newfieannie (Dec 24, 2006)

yeah, move on to the next. don't give up just because of one. might happen a few times like that. lots of other fish there though. you'll hook a good one yet. ~Georgia.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

willow_girl said:


> I'd guess the poor guy is just trying to make conversation? Maybe he's not the sharpest knife in the block, and that's all he can come up with. Ehh, help him out a little!
> 
> 
> 
> *Was he hoping for NAKEY pics?* ound:


Kinda thought that might be it. I didn't hear anything else from him when I told him I had posted pics on my profile

NEXT! lol


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

rkintn said:


> After reading this thread, I decided to go fishing (pof)......again. Had a guy message and then let him text me today. Third text in, he's asking for pics. I posted pics on my pof profile. I'm ready to close my account again.





rkintn said:


> I just don't get it. I really and truly don't.


I didn't create a profile, just answered the questions (female seeking male, etc) and looked at profiles.

Then I switched it (male seeking female) to see what the other gals profiles looked like.

I think I need to see a shrink.
NO, really.

When I was looking at the male profiles, it was pretty obvious who was looking to "hook up".
When I looked at the female profiles, most of them said "NOT looking for a hook up".
SO this tells me that this site is pretty much a hook up site?? Seems to be a lot of talk about it??
SO I asked my stylist (who is gay) and he said that he's been on that site (POF) and everyone who replied to him wanted "pics" (that means nudes) and only wanted to 'hook up'. (new term for 1 night stand).

My stylist is my age. GOOD LOOKING man.....excellent condition, tons of fun, super active...
He said he's tried several dating sites; all the same; folks just wanting to hook up.

Then there's this new thing called Tinder, where the GPS on your phone alerts someone else who has Tinder on their phone that ya'all are within so many feet of each other.....so you can get together and hook up. LOTS AND LOTS of 'pics' on this site......oy vey. I'm gonna puke.

If I click the option "isn't seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment / wants to date but nothing serious" (meaning to ME that I just want a friend or a few friends to go to the movies / dinner / bowling with) THEN EVERYONE thinks "I'M" looking to 'hook up'.

No, really...I'm gonna puke.

I feel so "awkward" going to a "meet up" function (www.meetup.com). I went and played cards a couple of times, and I had a great time!! I love to play cards!!
Mostly older than me folks, married, widowed, divorce, black white straight gay......it was a SUPER diverse group!! But I had a good time.
I felt "weird" because at the time, I was married, but going alone.....and the marriage was a joke anyway......
I just feel super 'weird' going alone. Like....iduno, like I'm desperate......that's not the right word, but I can't think of the right word......
But hopefully you get the idea.

Is there a book, a class, something that will help me make this transition from married 25 years to recently divorced?
OMG I feel so lame.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

Apparently, I'm crazy (doing same thing, expecting different result), yet still hopeful LOL I've been on POF off and on for a few years, and I always see the same guys...same pics, same profile...and it makes me wonder, "Is that really working for them or are they just too lazy to hide/delete the profile?" 

Haven't heard anything else from pic guy lol but I've exchanged messages with a couple of other guys. My biggest pet peeve is that the guys I have run into don't seem to know how to have a conversation. They just make a few statements but no questions and if they are asked a question, they just answer it. If this is how the converse with women in real life, I don't think it's a mystery as to why they are single. An engaging and witty conversation with get a guy a lot further than the monosyllable reply. Whether the guy realizes it or not, a lack of conversation flow indicates to me a lack of interest. FTR, this is an observation about men who STARTED the messaging. Color me confused.


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## whiterock (Mar 26, 2003)

My son put me on Westernmatch when I got divorced. I get mesages fairly often but not a paying member and can't respond. Had a free period to begin with and met a nice lady, but she was ready to get married again and I was fresh divorced so that didn't work out.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> ....My stylist is my age. GOOD LOOKING man.....excellent condition, tons of fun, super active...
> He said he's tried several dating sites; all the same; folks just wanting to hook up....


So, if you just want to go out, have fun, meet people, you and the gay guy
go out...you can be each other's wingman.

Mon


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

frogmammy said:


> So, if you just want to go out, have fun, meet people, you and the gay guy
> go out...you can be each other's wingman.
> 
> Mon


Oh yeah, that's gonna happen.
I'm gonna see if he wants to spend some time w me.
But we have two very different lifestyles.......so maybe he can hang w me in a 'straight' place, and I can go downtown to a drag show with him.....
IDK....something!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

rkintn. I can see where a guy could think. Just answer the question ONLY, CAUSE, adding too much to it, ESPECIALLY in print might make a perfectly good answer go south.
All guys know, I believe that any conversation can go south regardless of the best of intentions of the guys not to cause it so. Ive had that happen several times here amongst people who have heard me for years, and should know pretty much my line of thought and humor. If women on here can take offense against what I considered fun posts, OR slightly needling posts at women at large, NOT at any particular one, then imagine how people who don't know hardly a thing about each other will take posts


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

FarmboyBill said:


> rkintn. I can see where a guy could think. Just answer the question ONLY, CAUSE, adding too much to it, ESPECIALLY in print might make a perfectly good answer go south.
> All guys know, I believe that any conversation can go south regardless of the best of intentions of the guys not to cause it so. Ive had that happen several times here amongst people who have heard me for years, and should know pretty much my line of thought and humor. If women on here can take offense against what I considered fun posts, OR slightly needling posts at women at large, NOT at any particular one, then imagine how people who don't know hardly a thing about each other will take posts


Well, messaging in an online dating atmosphere is a tad bit different than posting here. I guess if the guy is too scared to talk about his likes and dislikes, then he really isn't the guy for me anyway.


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## malinda (May 12, 2002)

Laura, if you're just looking for friends, just say in your profile that you want to be friends first, but you'd be open to more if things go well. That takes you out of the 'hook up' group, yet leaves the door open for genuinely nice guys. You do need to do a lot of sifting on those sites, just like in real life. 

I've been on POF off and on and there seems to be quite a lot of guys who get all bent out of shape if I don't message them back within a few minutes! I can spot the 'hook up guys' a mile away, some mens' profiles make it quite clear as to the reason they're still single, and others are just hopeless. Sift, sift, sift. That's just part of life.


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## notwyse (Feb 16, 2014)

I have never tried the dating sites. But I did start hiking with a group I met online. I met great people of mixed ages and relationship status. It was a stress free way to not be lonely. I didn't date for five years after my last divorce. I needed to learn how to interact with men without the complications of a dating situation. I was the common denominator of my failed past...and I needed to figure it out. Now I am in a long term relationship. And I figured out how to be me. You don't have to be lonely or settle. You do need to be happy.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

U could be right rk.

I wouldn't be afraid to speak my mind, as I imagine most of you know NOW. I would have been 25yrs thereabouts ago. NOT because I was afraid of speaking MY mind, BUT afraid that the one receiveing it wouldn't understand. Its not always about how the guy feels about himself that scares him, It can be about the woman he has never seen/spoke to, and hasn't the tiniest idea about her mindset.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

I signed up for a dating site this week. O M G!!!! 

I started looking up some of the acronyms :teehee::shocked:

I've lost track of the men that have contacted me that their "divorce isn't final yet". No, no, no,no!!!!


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## Guest (Dec 10, 2014)

At one time, I was the queen of online dating sites..LOL...I started collecting funny profiles..( had nothing else to do)...some of my favorites from POF:

Man...photo shows a guy who has to weigh over 400 lbs..first words on his profile? " Please do not be obese, it disgusts me."

Man..nice photo, nice profile until this sentence..." Hope that you, like myself, have an appreciation for the joys and health benefits of frequent colon irrigations, especially when done as a couple."


Oh yes..LOL..and then there was the teacher...
"Hi. I am hoping to meet a nice girl. We could perhaps take a walk in the park ... there are trees. or maybe have a picnic on the beach,... there is lots of sand. We could have dinner, a meal shared by the two of us , and then see a movie, a film in a theater." ..

my memorable date from POF was that guy ( some of you have heard this already) who asked me , "Would you mind if I took a whizz in your driveway?"

Sooooo romantic!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

hmmmmmmmmmm My divorce isn't final lol


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Ugh.
Sounds like this whole 'dating on line' is time consuming and 8 out of 10 times a colossal waste of time!:grit::grit:

I asked my boss last night if I could switch my night off for a couple weeks so I can go out into the world and meet a few people.
((Which saying that out loud made me feel super lame))
He gave me the green light!!


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## malinda (May 12, 2002)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> Ugh.
> Sounds like this whole 'dating on line' is time consuming and 8 out of 10 times a colossal waste of time!:grit::grit:


Trust me, going out to 'meet people' is certainly not any less of a time waster! At least I can work on my projects at home that need to be done if I'm pre-selecting people online rather than having to spend time sifting through people in a public place.


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

Anything worth having in life usually takes time and effort*. Some folks catch a fish as soon as they cast their line. Others spend all day, and end up empty handed.Such is Life* I have always considered anything that was challenging-helped me develop more patience-enjoy the ride, it can be as enjoyable as the destination*


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

I had two guys sitting at the bar last night.
Young men (late 20's maybe 30) professional men.
Nice looking fellas. Good shape.
A little dorky / awkward.

They were talking about dating.
One man said "choose 9 woman". Then go out with them. By the time Valentines Day rolls around, you will have winnowed it down to the one you want to spend the evening with. 
NOW from the way these 2 were talking he was not talking about 'getting lucky / hooking up" he was talking about starting a lasting relationship.
Said "that's how I met ______"

***BIG DEEP BREATH***

Is this 'normal' in 2014?


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## reneedarley (Jun 11, 2014)

I don't know but that is how I chose my car


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Who knows at that age.


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## susieneddy (Sep 2, 2011)

Susie and I met through an online dating site. Once we met it just clicked. For 9 months we drove every weekend for 5.5 hrs each way to see each other. She was going to be transferred to another state which would most likely end our relationship. No way to see someone living over 1000 miles away that often. Luckily she chose me over her job and moved to be with me. That was 5 yrs ago..no regrets at all


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Laura Zone 5 said:


> I had two guys sitting at the bar last night.
> Young men (late 20's maybe 30) professional men.
> Nice looking fellas. Good shape.
> A little dorky / awkward.
> ...


Well, that's sort of how I am looking at things. Especially since I am an adult now and not a teenager, I'm kind of set in my ways, but willing to be flexible on some things. When you are young you kind of mature together. I'm dating other mature adults that are also kind of set in their ways. So my theory is that I will have to spend some time seeing if we are set in our ways in a complimentary fashion and if we are willing to be flexible on the same things. 

So, it is not an unreasonable hypothesis.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

TxMex said:


> ... seeing if we are set in our ways in a complimentary fashion and if we are willing to be flexible on the same things....


Oh, dearie! The trick is not to be flexible on the SAME things, but to be flexible on *DIFFERENT* things! Unless you are looking for a mini-me, in which case, throw all the rules out except for the one that says, "You MUST be JUST like me!"

Mon


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

frogmammy said:


> Oh, dearie! The trick is not to be flexible on the SAME things, but to be flexible on *DIFFERENT* things! Unless you are looking for a mini-me, in which case, throw all the rules out except for the one that says, "You MUST be JUST like me!"
> 
> Mon


LOl...that's what I meant. It just didn't come out right. Maybe it is because I currently have curlers in. Maybe it is affecting my brain.


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## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

Even us set-in-our-ways people continue to learn, grow, and evolve. I think the trick is to find that person who's feet are on the same general path.

Oh, and ya gotta be headed in the same direction on that path!


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

TxMex said:


> LOl...that's what I meant. It just didn't come out right. Maybe it is because I currently have curlers in. Maybe it is affecting my brain.


Well, curlers make MY brain ache!

Mon


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> They were talking about dating.
> One man said "choose 9 woman". Then go out with them. By the time Valentines Day rolls around, you will have winnowed it down to the one you want to spend the evening with.
> NOW from the way these 2 were talking he was not talking about 'getting lucky / hooking up" he was talking about starting a lasting relationship.
> Said "that's how I met ______"
> ...


I think that's very good advice.

It's easy to stand out in a crowd of one! 

If you're lonely and there's only one person in the picture, what d'ya think is likely to happen? Yeah. 

So by all means, date a few people. It will give you perspective! 

However ... Laura, are you still planning to move out-of-state once your house sells? Maybe now isn't the best time to get involved with someone, unless you're willing to jettison your plans if the right guy comes along. :teehee:

Of course, there is always Mr. Right Now ...


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## susieneddy (Sep 2, 2011)

just remember the old Steven Stills song "Love the One Your With"


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

I'm not looking for a hook up.
I could do that any day of the week......


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

I understand that, but if you happened to meet the right guy, would you be willing to give up your dream of living on the beach?! A WARM beach? Just something to think about. That's all!


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## reneedarley (Jun 11, 2014)

I know if I met a man he would have to cope with my cold snow:thumb:


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

> I understand that, but if you happened to meet the right guy, would you be willing to give up your dream of living on the beach?! A WARM beach? Just something to think about. That's all!


No.
Not at this juncture.
I "gave up" 25 years of my life......and only have 3 kids to show for it (which by the way are THE best people in my life, ever).
I did the 'good wife' role.....

It's me time. No more giving up on my dreams!


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

Well, maybe it would be best to avoid getting involved with someone right now? If you're hoping to move out of the area soon? Because what the odds he would be able to come with you?

Although ... it just occurred to me that perhaps you're looking for information to use in the future ... not right now. Duhh! :smack

OK, I'm a little slow on the uptake here.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

P.S. 


> I "gave up" 25 years of my life......and only have 3 kids to show for it (which by the way are THE best people in my life, ever).


My (unofficlal) MIL says something similar ... that her kids were the only thing to come out of her marriage! But they are very good to her, too. Hopefully it makes it all worthwhile.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

willow_girl said:


> Well, maybe it would be best to avoid getting involved with someone right now? If you're hoping to move out of the area soon? Because what the odds he would be able to come with you?
> 
> Although ... it just occurred to me that perhaps you're looking for information to use in the future ... not right now. Duhh! :smack
> 
> OK, I'm a little slow on the uptake here.


YOU are adorable!

I am just freaked out at the way "dating" happens today. Wondering what is normal and what is not?
I am definitely not 'dating' anyone here in IN. Kinda pointless since I will be packing up (one of these days) and heading to Florida.

The whole 'online' dating thing seems so strange to me....I'm just trying to feel my way around it.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

It's not really so weird; it's just a way to meet people. I met my third husband on Match.com. It was a happy marriage until he decided he'd had enough of farm life and wanted to move back to town. (Blargh!) Before we got together, I had dated a couple of other guys, too; one seriously. I wouldn't hesitate to do it again if I were single.

The person back on page 1 (please pardon me for being too lazy to go back and look up your name!) who suggested not lingering too long in the virtual realm gave good advice. You won't know if you really have chemistry until you meet IRL, and it's painful to have really interesting, fun exchanges with someone via email, over the course of weeks, and starting thinking, "Hmm, this may be the one!" only to meet and realize ... Pfft. Nothing! :yuck:

Also, especially at the outset, date a lot of people casually ... don't shoot right out of the gates and fall madly in love with the first one you meet. I made that mistake, too ... hoo boy ...:teehee:

Otherwise, it's a good introductory tool. You will find players and losers, just like in real life, but there are some nice people out there, too. Just like in real life.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

I'll add to the above that there are ways to meet people online besides dating sites. I met my last husband on a chat forum similar to this one, although geared to slightly different topics (mostly news and technology). And, of course, I met Numb right here on HT!


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## Janis R (Jun 27, 2013)

I tried "personal ads" for dating back before internet dating, what a joke. Right in my ad I stated I was a Christian, didn't smoke, drink or do drugs and I was a heterosexual women. I got responses form all kinds, most didn't represent themselves honestly. Many men were amazed that even as a Christian women I didn't believe in premarital sex, pushing the issue on the first phone call (also the last). Good luck.


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## sidepasser (May 10, 2002)

I am truly surprised at the number of women who say they get "bad" responses on dating sites. I only had a couple out of many who responded that were "bad" as in "only wanting sex". I just clicked delete.

The ones that responded that I knew were "not for me" I answered and was honest and told them I appreciated their response but we would likely have little to nothing in common.

The three guys I dated were extremely nice, well educated and very, very polite. I married the last one :sing: but the guy before him was a hot Italian man with a good education and we closed the Mexican restaurant down laughing and talking. But he wasn't "the one" but it was fun. The one before him was a helicopter design engineer and he had small children and was looking for a surrogate "mom" - not for me..but we still had a nice dinner.

Maybe it is the area? I don't know but I have been treated very nicely in Rocket City.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

I joined OK Cupid today and have had a ton of responses...from scammers. I just want everyone to be aware that they are definitely out there. You can weed them out pretty quickly by running their profile pic thru google images. Do this especially if the picture seems to be professionally done or if they seem too good to be true. Another red flag is the distance from me. The further away the more likely they are to be a fake. Another clue is how well, or not, they communicate. This one is a little trickier, but if the messages seem stilted or no quite right...be wary. 

If you have the capability, you should watch Catfish: The Movie or Catfish: The TV Show. They have lots of tips on how to avoid being scammed.


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## bigjon (Oct 2, 2013)

I will admit a co-worker got me to sign up for pof.i'll echo the looking for a paycheck!not a nice experience.think i'll wait for spring to look for a lady who knows to put bull--- in the garden/not in my ears!


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

rkintn said:


> I joined OK Cupid today and have had a ton of responses...from scammers. I just want everyone to be aware that they are definitely out there. You can weed them out pretty quickly by running their profile pic thru google images. Do this especially if the picture seems to be professionally done or if they seem too good to be true. Another red flag is the distance from me. The further away the more likely they are to be a fake. Another clue is how well, or not, they communicate. This one is a little trickier, but if the messages seem stilted or no quite right...be wary.
> 
> If you have the capability, you should watch Catfish: The Movie or Catfish: The TV Show. They have lots of tips on how to avoid being scammed.


How do you run their pictures through Google images? I would love to know how to do this?


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

I just have a tab up for google images and a tab open to the profile. I right click on the pic and drag it over to google images and it does the all the work


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Oh how much fun is that, going to head on over to POF and find out how many guys are legit or not, lol. 

How many guys have you caught there that are not legit, curious and all?


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

I actually checked two on OKCupid and I reported them. The one that really made me mad was a guy claiming to be in the military, in Afghanistan. I haven't really found any on POF yet but OKCupid is FULL of them. I don't think I'll be staying there long.


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Watch out for the guys who claim their income is $175,000 to $1,000,000,000! Yeah, right! Watch for very stilted English in their profiles or messages. Such as, "I will like to meet you." Also, be VERY wary of those who want you to add them to Messenger, so "I will like to know you better."


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

I imagine the ads placed by women include a certain number of "I need fiddy dollah to make you hollah" types, too. :facepalm:


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

:facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm:

Oy.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

willow_girl said:


> I imagine the ads placed by women include a certain number of "I need fiddy dollah to make you hollah" types, too. :facepalm:



Oh I'm sure there are just as many women scammers as well. I don't read the profiles of the women, though.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

I got to talking to a local guy last night, first time I saw his picture come up. Turns out his daughter also teaches preschool in the same town and he gave me her name. I snoop doggy dogged her name on facebook and it turns out she is legit and a cute girl with a cute baby. So that tells me he might be legit as well. 

So what do ya'll wear on a first date? I am curious? And hair curlers? I don't even curl my hair, or have any thing other then jeans. Help.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Go shopping. It can be walmart, but you'll feed more confident in something new.

Woohoo! Way to go Cindilu!!!


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## Darren (May 10, 2002)

cindilu said:


> I got to talking to a local guy last night, first time I saw his picture come up. Turns out his daughter also teaches preschool in the same town and he gave me her name. I snoop doggy dogged her name on facebook and it turns out she is legit and a cute girl with a cute baby. So that tells me he might be legit as well.
> 
> So what do ya'll wear on a first date? I am curious? And hair curlers? I don't even curl my hair, or have any thing other then jeans. Help.


Just be you. 

I wear an old pair of boots, jeans and in the winter a Carhartt that's seen better days, holy but not immaculate. I'm not a candidate for GQ. I had one woman diss my beater which is OK with me. Might as well get that over before things progress. I'd rather fix and reuse than buy new. I'll arrive clean and smiling. WYSIWYG.


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## BlueJeans (Jan 17, 2009)

* sigh* Now you've done it !!! Made me curious...and I sneaked-back to farmers.com. I signed-up a few months ago, but never paid so I can't actually correspond/respond to anybody. I've piled-up a bunch of 'flirts'...which is fine. But heaven help me...there's a new man, who lives in my area. I don't know him, but probably know someone who does. He 'looks' interesting. But NOPE...I am NOT going there. And I'm not coming back to read this thread again.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Darren said:


> Just be you.
> 
> I wear an old pair of boots, jeans and in the winter a Carhartt that's seen better days, holy but not immaculate. I'm not a candidate for GQ. I had one woman diss my beater which is OK with me. Might as well get that over before things progress. I'd rather fix and reuse than buy new. I'll arrive clean and smiling. WYSIWYG.


Honey, if you showed up on a date wearing anything Carhartt I would melt, just sayin. 

I have always down played dressing up on a date in the past. Only because I want to be the truest me. If you don't like what you see, then I would rather not waste both of our time. Make sense?


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

BlueJeans said:


> * sigh* Now you've done it !!! Made me curious...and I sneaked-back to farmers.com. I signed-up a few months ago, but never paid so I can't actually correspond/respond to anybody. I've piled-up a bunch of 'flirts'...which is fine. But heaven help me...there's a new man, who lives in my area. I don't know him, but probably know someone who does. He 'looks' interesting. But NOPE...I am NOT going there. And I'm not coming back to read this thread again.


Yes you do, don't ya just want to be a tiny bit curious? Like what is his favorite food, does he like to bonfire? Does he like to bring ya coffee, or go for long drives out in the woods? His smell, but all of those things are just yummy.


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## BlueJeans (Jan 17, 2009)

* Stop that !! * :facepalm:


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

:nono: Thought you wasn't looking here anymore? 

BTW, I think you should check him out too.


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## BlueJeans (Jan 17, 2009)

Did you ever try and succeed at "not looking" at a thread? eep:


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

:heh::heh::heh:

.
.
.
.
.
.
And yes, I have. Not this one though!


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Oh cripes!! I'm glad no ones home but me right now. Y'all're priceless.!!x2
:rotfl:ound:..............................
I'm, laughing so hard I'm crying. :sob:.......................

Y'all ladies should do this gag for money!


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## BlueJeans (Jan 17, 2009)

Sheesh. Go ahead and laugh at an old lady leering at even older men...then being encouraged to remember how they SMELL...


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## bigjon (Oct 2, 2013)

gotta tell u all-i'm loving this and can't stop laughing!


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Smell is a big one ya know. If they smell good ya just want to drink them in, the smell of skin, yummy. Skin covered in Carhartt is even yummier.


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## BlueJeans (Jan 17, 2009)

** deep sigh ** Oh yes !!! ** deep sigh **


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## BlueJeans (Jan 17, 2009)

Great idea I just had ! Dating-sites should have 'scratch-and-sniff' pictures. :thumb:


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## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

BlueJeans said:


> Great idea I just had ! Dating-sites should have 'scratch-and-sniff' pictures. :thumb:


Um, no.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Just saying but I would be scratch and sniffing, lol. Snoop doggy dog here I come, lol.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

BlueJeans said:


> Great idea I just had ! Dating-sites should have 'scratch-and-sniff' pictures. :thumb:


Yes!!! Oh my yes!


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

That wouldn't work for me, I'm afraid ... I work on a dairy farm! ound:


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

I came across a profile on POF one day when I was bored. The man didn't fill it in too much, but one sentence he wrote led me to understand that he feels the same love for and responsibility towards his animals as I do. (He raises and trains horses.) The pic he put up on his profile was a pretty goofy-lookin' photo. (Not your usual Tall, Dark and Handsome.) I thought to myself, "Goofy doesn't matter too much. He *might* have a great personality that transcends looks. Ya never know." Still, I thought, "Do I really want to do this?", and I took a chance and clicked on the "Show Interest" button.

Holy Cow! SMART fellow, with PUH-LENTY of personality, well thought of by his friends and neighbors (He introduced me to them, as well as to his grown daughters and grandkids.) A background check revealed a truthful widower, my age. And, SPARK! Oh, yes, the spark is there! (He doesn't look so goofy in person - LOL!)

We've visited back & forth several times. Each time he's been here, he's undertaken a strenuous job for me, such as splitting wood for kindling, hauling firewood up to the house, moving hay bales for me, whacking down 10-ft tall weeds that totally obliterated the propane pig, and more. When I'm at his place, I bake bread, cinnamon rolls, and stuff like that. He obviously likes "doing for" his woman, as I like "doing for" my man!

He's invited me to spend Christmas at his home, only 2.5 hrs away by car. And, I'm taking my 3 bottle baby goat kids with me!

I don't know where this will end up, but I am sure enjoying the company of this fine, fine man in the here and now.


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## handymama (Aug 22, 2014)

How does he smell? Have you scratched him?


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

:bouncy: Nehi!!!

I was just thinking about you. Was browsing through craigslist and someone has bottle baby dwarf nigerians for sale. Thank goodness they were all males or I'd have likely ended up with one! Nothing cuter than a baby goat!


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

handymama said:


> How does he smell? Have you scratched him?


Oh gawd I think I strained something!!!!! :rotfl:


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

handymama said:


> How does he smell? Have you scratched him?


He smells like horses, leather and outdoors!!!


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## reneedarley (Jun 11, 2014)

Then he is a keeper. Enjoy every day Nehimama.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

I am so so excited for you Nehi, love looking at your baby kitchen goat pictures and love even more then you have a hunk of a good looking, smart and nice smelling man. I think for me smart would be at the top of my list, smart is a good thing.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

I got a wedding and reception to go to today and i have nothing to wear, as in nothing except a fresh new pair of Carhart jeans, or scrubs. Its a member of my extended family and were are doing the wedding at the nursing home where dad and his brother are. All family members know i have tools not fancy clothes, as they call often to have me fix stuff for them. I don't mind looking like the guy i am too much, but in hindsight i probably should have picked up a pair of slacks or something last weekend. Of course ill be dateless, that means everyone will be fixing me up to dance with any available women. All in all it won't suck, as its a wedding, but i go to very, very few of those. No cologne, no jewelry, will wear a new winter shirt i got. Do you ladies think am i slumming it too much???:hammer:


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

I think you need to pick up a nice pair of slacks and shirt to go with it. I love Carhartt but I also like a nice dressed man. Kinda like a man to go with all forms or walks of life. Versatile I think is what you would call it.


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## BlueJeans (Jan 17, 2009)

If you have time, consider cindilu's advice. If you are at the wire time-wise, I think you should relax, go for it and have fun !!!


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

I think you should go in what you have that makes you comfortable. They invited you, not your clothes.

That reminds me of the time one of my extended family members was getting married. She was from the very country side of the family and she was insisting that her dad buy a suit for her wedding. Well, Uncle Harold told her he'd gladly buy a new pair of bibs to wear, but he'd be danged if he'd spend money on something he'd never use again.


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## BlueJeans (Jan 17, 2009)

Terri in WV. LOL In my neck-of-the-woods...men wear Wranglers or Levis. Most have to be gagged-and-bound to get them in even dress-slacks. A dress suit and tie...even worse.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Besta luck on your new man, AND whata Christmas present, not to mention looking forward into the New Year.


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## BlueJeans (Jan 17, 2009)

"doingitmyself" is out without supervision. Did anyone give him a curfew?


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## Guest (Dec 20, 2014)

handymama said:


> How does he smell? Have you scratched him?


That's the funniest thing that I've read here in years....ROFLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Well here is a pic of my NON date today. I was Christmas shopping and run into a old friend who asked me if I wanted to meet him at our local fruit and veggie stand, good ol Kruse Farms. I love that place so of course I said yes. Well that turned into a country drive which turned into local wine tasting which turned into a half case of wine someone finding its way into my van. Did I get done with my massive to do list? Nope. Did I enjoy myself and have a good time? Yep. Had so much fun I might be doing it again this Christmas Day.


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

And here is a pic of our local winery, good ol Melrose Winery. I love me some good wine and a beautiful barn.


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## sassafras manor (Dec 5, 2009)

By nothing more than chance I came across an old friend of my younger brother on Facebook and her and I have hit it off nicely. The two of us had been FB friends for the last several years and I have know her parents and family for nearly 20 years since they attend the same church as my family. It all started with an innocent comment of hers regarding my youngest daughter's birthday hairstyle on some FB pictures I had posted. Since she lives in Louisianna and I in Illinois (she did come to visit over Thanksgiving) it has given us an opportunity to get reaquainted over the phone. She will be traveling up here again next week to spend time with the kids and I over the holiday break and we will see here it goes. If we decide to pursure things further, she does have the option to relocate her position to the STL area. 
Anyways my point is that you never know who you will run into from your past that may be in the same position as you. Plus with those type of folks, some of the background work wa completed long ago.
Best of luck to you!


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## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

cindilu said:


> And here is a pic of our local winery, good ol Melrose Winery. I love me some good wine and a beautiful barn.


OMG, I think I'm in love, and it's a winery!

(Excuse me while I go have a personal moment....)


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## sidepasser (May 10, 2002)

Nehimama, before you hotfoot it off to this guy's place (2.5 hours away), you might leave your destination and when you should be home with a friend or relative so that if you do not return on time, they can find you - send police - etc.

Just saying I know he has that "new man smell" but some new men like to leave that embalming smell on their new lady friends and I don't want that to happen to you.
I know, I know..you already been there..but..still..till you know for sure..leave where you are going with someone you trust.

And where are the pictures of the goats drinking their bottles?


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

Here is a picture of the inside looking up. I decided I want the galvanized steel look in my new home/barn. Enjoy...


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