# Dating - What does it mean to you?



## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

I am slowly starting to dip my toe back into the dating pool again. I don't go out often, for many reasons. My family, my personal and professional goals take precedence. However, I have scolded myself for not getting out to meet other people of the opposite sex. I mean, what's the harm, right? 

I am certainly not ready for anything serious at this point, and I express this, clearly, or so I think. Just taking time out to meet someone of like mind, maybe go for a walk, or a nice dinner and conversation, share some laughs, etc. 

Every time, (except for one) I get the heavy from them. Talking about "our" future, rushing into a full blown relationship immediately. What ever happened to taking things slow, meet occasionally, respect someone's time. Why does it have to be, now or never, pressure, pressure, pressure? 

Or maybe it is just me? Maybe I am not ready, at all. I miss the company of a man, I enjoy the way they think. But good Lawd, that doesn't mean I am ready to fly to Vegas and get married by an Elvis impersonator. 

Should I just give up on the notion of dating, all together?


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

You know, I wonder sometimes if there isn't a subconscious clock ticking within older people who are in the dating pool. And, behind it there are thoughts like "I'm not getting any younger and time is running out." Also like, "I know what I want so I don't need to play the field like a kid anymore." 

And then there are those who want to get back what they had with only a couple of changes. They think it should be easy and everything will just slide back into place. Except with a different person. They don't even consider that they may be making all the same mistakes as the first time. Pressure to get their lives back to some semblance of what they remember, blinds them to the pitfalls of hurrying into a relationship. Just musing here. Don't really know how much the above might pertain to it.

H. S. and college; the times when most people form serious romantic bonds, have the advantage of a much larger dating pool to draw from than many older folks can utilize. Maybe that contributes to it, as well.

ETA: Don't give up RR.


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

I guess it depends on your age bracket, for both you and your date. 

Dating was horrible for me, so I stopped. I too, wanted to take things slowly, particularly talking and getting to know someone. It seemed like everyone that I met in person was in a big fat hurry for way more than I was. I thought it was simply because it's been over twenty years since I dated, and due to widowhood I was a little skittish. I wasn't sure where my heart really was, but got tired of all of my family and friends pushing me.

I like to take time to get to know someone, so even the people in my area I E-mailed and texted with prior to meeting face-to-face. Then we moved to talking on the phone. After a few dates, I decided I really wasn't ready for the pressure, so I stopped. 

Younger people seem to know how to just 'hang out' without freaking out and crowding your space. People in my age bracket that I dated seem in a really big hurry to make it a boyfriend/girlfriend thing. 

I take a while to warm up to people, even friends. Certainly to someone that I feel I might be attracted to (which just doesn't happen very often) for a long-term partnership.

But for me now, I wouldn't date just for a social activity. I'm not interested in dating someone unless I've gotten to know them well enough to know we'd share the same lifestyle interests, the same long-term goals, and other important aspects. I'm not particularly social anyway, so...YMMV. I'd rather be friends and see if that friendship grows into something else. Little things are very important to me, as opposed to things like house, income, vehicle and the like. Quite frankly, I have only gotten to know one person in over four years alone that I truly wanted to date. That didn't work out, so I'm pretty much just not interested currently. Perhaps again in the future.

I think you have to define what dating is for you - just social activity, or a true search for a partner. I'd be in the latter category if I decided I was ready again. 

Best wishes, and to quote a funny singles quote I found online:

âWhy is it that people treat being SINGLE like itâs the plague? Iâm sorry, but itâs not leprosy people! Where in the Old Testament does it say âBoils, locusts, hail and being single?â ~ Joy Maniscalco​
I'm quite content, unless I truly meet someone who could really make a difference in my life, and I theirs.

~ST


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

My last date....was going to a Lowe's. I'd feel danged awkward going out to dinner and a movie. My current problem(ok, one of them) is I rarely leave the property. I have too much to do. It is danged difficult to meet someone if you never actually get outside of the gate. I keep hoping for my ideal homesteading mate to parachute out of a plane and land beside the garden with overalls on, a hoe in his hand and an overwhelming appreciation for good southern cooking. 

Absolutely keep dating! I'm surprised you are having trouble finding a casual relationship. That seems to be what most folks are looking for these days.


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

No, Don't ever give up on dating?, To me, a date is a predetermined meeting with someone,that I am going to share some TIME with. I think that we put too much pressure on ourselves when it comes to dating. I know that everyone wants to present themselves, as good as possible( don't want to show up drunk, or unkempt). I just try to be myself-I am honest to a fault-"What you see is what you get". I think it may be best to start the conversation out, on a "first date"-,as to what your expectations (if you have any?) may be. I smile a lot, and I usually have good manners. I am not always like this, and I don't expect everyone else to be too. I say, " Just go for it", and have some fun, Good Luck on your Adventures** To put it into perspective, just think how many people could only dream ,of being able to go out with whoever they feel like going out with. We are SINGLE, we are FREE***- enjoy it***


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

TxMex said:


> My last date....was going to a Lowe's. I'd feel danged awkward going out to dinner and a movie. My current problem(ok, one of them) is I rarely leave the property. I have too much to do. It is danged difficult to meet someone if you never actually get outside of the gate. I keep hoping for my ideal homesteading mate to parachute out of a plane and land beside the garden with overalls on, a hoe in his hand and an overwhelming appreciation for good southern cooking.
> 
> Absolutely keep dating! I'm surprised you are having trouble finding a casual relationship. That seems to be what most folks are looking for these days.


ROFL......................
And a copy of Farm Show Magazine hanging out of his back pocket? LOLOLOL


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

sustainabilly said:


> ROFL......................
> And a copy of Farm Show Magazine hanging out of his back pocket? LOLOLOL


That would work, but hopefully he would have the current issue of American Bee Journal peeking out of the other pocket


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

They always ask me when I enter the local Farm Stores( Tractor Supply, Rural King, Feed Stores), If they can help me find what I am looking for? The next time I go, I am going to tell them, I am looking for a Honest, Good looking, Friendly, Country Girl!-Who wants to Laugh,and have some fun! I'll get back with you, and post on my responses*


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

One of my problems is that I can be really okay holed up in my own little world. Even though my past had some very hard lessons attached with it, I am trying to be opened to possibilities. Who knows what one might find. My best friend came to me out of the blue and if I hadn't taken the chance to meet her, I would have never known such a beautiful soul, am so thankful she is in my life!!

Plus, if you don't meet in person, how do you know if there is an attraction, or not one. Anyone can say who they want to be, or pretend to be someone they want YOU to know. But until you meet them and then let your "gut" sift it out, how would you know? 

I just had a conversation with a gentleman I met a few weeks ago. He started giving me this guilt trip, how could I do this to him. He had such a great time, he thought there would be more. Well, I had a great time too, until he started talking about inappropriate things. But it is still, my fault for breaking his heart after ONE date?!


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

RubyRed said:


> I just had a conversation with a gentleman I met a few weeks ago. He started giving me this guilt trip, how could I do this to him. He had such a great time, he thought there would be more. Well, I had a great time too, until he started talking about inappropriate things. But it is still, my fault for breaking his heart after ONE date?!


Ah yes. The current trend in our society...go out to dinner and then get into each others pants. It is assumed that this is where a date is going. This is so unattractive! I have no desire to be a notch on some man's belt. I especially would not want to be intimate with someone that has a lot of casual sexual encounters. It seems that old fashioned ideas and values are simply not in style.

LOL....I'm normally not in style anyhow. 

Keep your standards. If you lower your standards you will be settling and likely will be back in the same situation you are now sooner rather than later.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Dating? What does it mean to me?

Darned if I remember


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

Don't get me wrong, sex is great, with the right person. I have to have feelings for someone before I can jump in the sack. 

What this particular person did after the date is what made me uncomfortable, the next day all he talked about was sex. Sorry, but talking about what someone is going to do to other the one, doesn't do anything for me. 

If there is mutual attraction, then bring on the passion! But seriously, there are 800 numbers for other things...lol Or is it 900 numbers? I dunno....


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

RubyRed said:


> Don't get me wrong, sex is great, with the right person. I have to have feelings for someone before I can jump in the sack.
> 
> What this particular person did after the date is what made me uncomfortable, the next day all he talked about was sex. Sorry, but talking about what someone is going to do to other the one, doesn't do anything for me.
> 
> If there is mutual attraction, then bring on the passion! But seriously, there are 800 numbers for other things...lol


Well he was obviously no gentleman. By doing that he was showing you how little he respected you. The good news is....you didn't have to invest a lot of time in him before he showed you his true colors.


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## plowhand (Aug 14, 2005)

Dating.........what's dating.............I seem to remember something called dating.....ain't tried it in about twenty year


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

Ruby, Not all guys are that way. Sure, there's the horn dog stereotype. And, it would be silly not to admit we all got needs. Both sexes. But, it's frustrating for men too. I reckon you just gotta kiss a lot of frogs, you know?


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

TxMex said:


> Well he was obviously no gentleman. By doing that he was showing you how little he respected you. The good news is....you didn't have to invest a lot of time in him before he showed you his true colors.


Exactly!! But it's my fault he was turned away...weird.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

sustainabilly said:


> .... I reckon you just gotta kiss a lot of frogs, you know?


Which can be REALLY difficult if you're thinking of fried frog legs!

Mon


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Dating simply means going out into your real world environment and find people who are not seriously attached to others romantically that you enjoy spending time with and if your lucky you won't be repulsed by how they look when they first wake up if your dating process grows to that stage of social interaction.

Basically the same things we all went through as teenagers only with a few more wrinkles, often some extra weight, possibly some extra family or emotional baggage and for some extra hair sprouting in our ears and noses and less hair on their heads where they want it.


Its dating, a social activity, not rocket or computer science or complicated chemistry.


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Shrek said:


> Its dating, a social activity, not rocket or computer science or complicated chemistry.


I think I would be better at rocket science :happy2:


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## davel745 (Feb 2, 2009)

just a word.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Good Grief. How complicated can it be? 

If you are interested enough to really want the company of another you will send out subconscious signals. SOMEONE will pick up on them. If you are interested, go, if not say NO. When you are interested enough to say YES, then the problem is over. 

Don't sweat over it. 

Men; if you are old enough that the women in your pool are the kind who have been taught that nice girls don't hit on boys, watch for the eye. Then check that one out. The younger ones will let you know pretty quickly.


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## viggie (Jul 17, 2009)

Some people see dating as a serious method of sizing up a potential life partner. 

Some treat it as recreational where the other human being is their toy and entertainment and think somehow at some point in the future it'll magically turn into something serious right when they want it to. 

I just don't understand the latter approach.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Viggie, I once thought of it as you do. It was that way for most people when I was young. 

Today, from what I see and read, there are people who see "dating" as a quick and convenient way for sex, for "hooking up". People shack up, have kids and part without much thought. Mia Farrow, Woodie Allen, years of shacking up, gathering kids, then parting enemies. 

College kids hooking up for one night stands. It happens and no one seems to think much about it.

In fact it hardens the soul. Enough of that and people lose the ability to form permanent bonds, real lifelong attachments. So you see people that drift along finding sex wherever it happens to be, just finding a convenience, married or not, and staying so long as the demands on them are not to great.

Sometimes they just become misfit loners. Sad, but we reap what we sow.

Ox


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Dating? What does it mean to me?

In my mind, a date looks like this:

One person initiates by asking if the other person would like to grab a bite to eat, see a movie, go_______.
The other person says "yes".
That is a 'set date'.
As an adult, I would say the two people would meet at a predetermined destination.
Let's says "happy's restaurant".
They get a table, and talk, a LOT. 
This is 'question and answer time'. Where both people dig around to see if there is any point in a second date.
They ask questions to see if there are common interests, common lines of thought, common politics, common religion, common......you get the idea.
At the end of the date, the initiator pays, and either says "thanks for the good time, don't call me I'll call you" or sets a time / date to meet again.

Dates and "hook ups" are not the same thing.
"Hook ups" happen after too many shots of Patrone.
"Hook ups" are never, 'dates'.
They are, what they are.
If the person you are on a 'date' with, doesn't know the difference?
Run.
"Here's your sign".


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

Oxankle said:


> Men; if you are old enough that the women in your pool are the kind who have been taught that nice girls don't hit on boys, watch for the eye. Then check that one out. The younger ones will let you know pretty quickly.


Thank you for pointing this out. 

I was raised by my Grandparents. If my Granny would have ever caught me calling a boy rather than a boy calling....she would not have left enough of my backside to hold up britches! 

So while I am a bit younger than the generation you would assume this would be an issue with.....this is how I am. I have been told by quite a few folks that I ought to just go ahead and tell a guy I'm interested, but I feel so horribly awkward that I can't hardly make myself do so. Fortunately southern chatty friendliness gives me an excuse to strike up a conversation with just about anyone, but they would definitely have to 'watch for the eye'.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

To quite a few, "dating" means never having to sleep alone. 

Mon


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Um I just had something very weird happen this morning. Last week a man I have worked with for years came up to me and said that he was just blindsided by his wife of 22 years. He wondered if I would mind talking to him about my experience. He said he didn't want to talk at work and would I mind meeting him this weekend. We agreed to meet a local diner.
I thought could try to be helpful. I know how traumatic the ending of my marriage was and in truth still is. Well I met with him and found out that his wife told him she was having an affair for the past year and was moving out , getting a divorce and marrying the guy. This was 17 days ago.
He then asked me if I wanted to go to the movies! I am flabbergasted . When I said I wasn't dating he then asked if I wanted to go hiking with our dogs. I again said I wasn't dating..... 

What the heck. I really have lost my ability to read people. I was under the impression that he was hurting and wanting some tips on how to make it through a tough time...
I quickly realized he viewed out meeting as a date and wanted another one.

I think it will be awkward at work tomorrow.

How on earth can someone be blindsided and ready to date days after...how can you profess to love your mate and do such a thing?

My life is weird.


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

Life is weird, Roadless....I take things deliberately, so like you, yes, I would only think he was wanting to talk with someone that had experienced the same traumatic situation. 

It is called REBOUND. Trying to sweep the pain under the rug so it doesn't hurt as bad, preoccupy himself with another person. Sad. And what's even more sad, someone that is lonely and confused will get caught up in his need for preoccupation and yet another injured soul...a vicious cycle, me thinks.

At my age, it isn't about sex. It is about finding someone compatible, and enjoyable to be around. I am very upfront, if they don't get that, they are never gonna get it.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

It seemed to me like a bait and switch.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

RubyRed said:


> Don't get me wrong, sex is great, with the right person. I have to have feelings for someone before I can jump in the sack.
> 
> What this particular person did after the date is what made me uncomfortable, the next day all he talked about was sex. Sorry, but talking about what someone is going to do to other the one, doesn't do anything for me.
> 
> If there is mutual attraction, then bring on the passion! But seriously, there are 800 numbers for other things...lol Or is it 900 numbers? I dunno....


Throw that oneback into the river! I would be offended if a man "came on" to me by talking about sex too.

Just keep in mind that there are millions and millions of ppl in the world and half of them are male. Keep on trying them on for size (figuratively speaking) until you find the right one!


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

TxMex said:


> ...I was raised by my Grandparents. If my Granny would have ever caught me calling a boy rather than a boy calling....she would not have left enough of my backside to hold up britches! ...
> 
> *I have been told by quite a few folks that I ought to just go ahead and tell a guy I'm interested, but I feel so horribly awkward that I can't hardly make myself do so. * Fortunately southern chatty friendliness gives me an excuse to strike up a conversation with just about anyone, but they would definitely have to 'watch for the eye'.





roadless said:


> ... What the heck. I really have lost my ability to read people. I was under the impression that he was hurting and wanting some tips on how to make it through a tough time...
> I quickly realized he viewed out meeting as a date and wanted another one.
> ...*How on earth can someone be blindsided and ready to date days after...how can you profess to love your mate and do such a thing?*...





Ardie/WI said:


> Throw that one back into the river! I would be offended if a man "came on" to me by talking about sex too.
> 
> *Just keep in mind that there are millions and millions of ppl in the world and half of them are male.* Keep on trying them on for size (figuratively speaking) until you find the right one!


All the above points of view, taken into account as a whole, lead me to believe that some things haven't changed. At least in the area of interest that I'm concerned with. However, in light of all you hear and read these days about the ascendance of women in every facet of today's society, you would think the trend is toward a more aggressive approach in matters of what women feel is proper and comfortable, when a man peaks their interest. Something to note is that trends like I'm referring to probably take in all age brackets and demographics. I've been mulling over this one, too. I even thought about starting a thread asking the ladies here what their views were on who should make the first move, as it were.

So it's probably still a good question in that, in most cases, people still gravitate towards those in a roughly similar age bracket. It's been said here before that the idea of dating a person young enough that they could be your child is...just unsettling. I would agree with that. It's more than simply a matter of propriety. It's a matter of a common base of experiences; many times due to a common generational upbringing. Ox's advice above is what I generally go with. 

Yet, it needs to be pointed out that while women are enjoying the freedoms and privileges they deserve, and have long been denied, often this re-shuffling of roles leads men to try and decipher mixed signals. That may be part of the problem. And, not just for men. Men who feel that a certain level of dating protocol should be maintained, are finding out that some of the rules have changed. And, some men interpret this more aggressive behavior as a loosening of morals. And then, because there are some women use that societal shift in attitude to 'hook up' any time they want, men tend to accept this as a definite possibility. It seems that those attitudes are cyclical in nature. Kind of reminds me of sexual attitudes of the 60's and 70's.

Where it used to be the status quo for the man to initiate a dating request, now he sees that it's entirely acceptable for a woman to do it. The world around them is saying one thing while a particular woman of interest is saying something else. Let me say here and now that I _do not_ condone the behavior Ruby Red or roadless described. Just keep in mind that while you ladies are navigating a world that is wide open to your dreams, men are also being required to make adjustments to their social behavior. And, just like people everywhere in every time, there are some who just don't get it. I don't think this thing will sort itself out in our time.

ETA: I think respect is still the order of the day and no still means no. But, I also think that it would be easier on men in general, and me personally, if more women of my generation didn't feel so apprehensive about letting their feelings be known.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

Dating is spending time in social interaction with others getting to know them better to learn if there is enough to make it worthwhile to pursue the idea of relationship. Dating is not Relationship. The purpose of a 1st date is to have fun and get a 2nd date.

The date ends immediately, along with any idea of further dates at the first hint of sex or my house. Those are things saved for discussion after Relationship happens.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> In fact it hardens the soul. Enough of that and people lose the ability to form permanent bonds, real lifelong attachments.


Ehh. That's a popular meme in Christian circles, but I'm not sure I buy it ... that we somehow lose the ability to love deeply, as we're being punished for our sinful fornication! Tsk tsk! :nono:

I have to wonder if there isn't a whiff of sexism here as well. Generally no one looks askance at a young man who sows his wild oats, but if a woman does the same, she's someone damaged her ability to marry and be a good wife and mother? Hmmm ... :huh:

Like I said, not buying it! :icecream:

I think it's much more likely that some people don't tend to put down deep roots. They haven't been "damaged" in some way ... it's just how they roll. My fourth husband once remarked that I live life like a butterfly. I thought about that and decided there were worse things to be compared to! ound:

And ... I think a bigger problem among singles involves people who go through a horrific relationship and/or painful divorce and are left so scarred and embittered that it impairs their ability to love or trust again. In their next relationship, they're still fighting the last war ... or they build their walls so high that no one can get over them (or, maybe, no one figures it's worth the trouble of scaling them?). And sometimes one failed relationship is all it takes to put a person in that state. Sad, very sad!


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Roadless.......my first thought was: "Dirtbag".
Then the next thought was "no wonder she's leaving him, he just wants a mommy".
Then the next thought was "poor dude, he's so freaked out, he doesn't know what to do".

My personal 'bindside at 22 years' left me reeling.....not looking for a 'date'.
But.
Everyone reacts differently.
I did some things that were TOTALLY out of character for me, and really took me by surprise.
I don't know the guy, so I don't know if he is a master at douchebagery, or if he is really just freaked out.....


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## Zorro_Bones (Nov 1, 2005)

I've pretty much given up on dating. Not that there aren't women out there, there are but I've gone from being as my friend says a ladies man to being almost a complete hermit. This is due to some embarrassing moments and now I check for rings.
I don't get out much aside from church and work so there really is no real pool to date from and if there where most don't want to live the farming lifestyle.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

LauraZone5...what scares me is my seemingly inability to pick up on clues. I have taken people at their word and I have had devastating consequences due to that in my marriage.

Had my coworker said to me "I would like to get to know you better. Would you like to do something this weekend ?" then I would have known what I was getting into. I would have politely declined but it would have been more accurate to what was going on.

To my way of thinking playing on my sympathies was not cool.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

roadless said:


> LauraZone5...what scares me is my seemingly inability to pick up on clues. I have taken people at their word and I have had devastating consequences due to that in my marriage.
> 
> Had my coworker said to me "I would like to get to know you better. Would you like to do something this weekend ?" then I would have known what I was getting into. I would have politely declined but it would have been more accurate to what was going on.
> 
> To my way of thinking playing on my sympathies was not cool.


Thing is, he doesn't want to get to know you better. He wants to date you for the sole purpose of dumping his pain on you, not to have a relationship with you.

It took awhile for my light bulb moment to happen and I realized men wanted to occupy my time for other reasons besides sex or relationship. They are selfish, I don't want another one of those.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

" My fourth husband once remarked that I live life like a butterfly. I thought about that and decided there were worse things to be compared to!"

I said nothing about damaged; I simply said they lose the ability to form permanent bonds. I rest my case. No offense intended.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

I would equate losing the ability to form permanent bonds to being damaged.

But it's a chicken-or-the-egg question: Did said person have the ability at some point, and lost it by having too much recreational sex, or did they simply lack the ability from the get-go?

And we've all seen cases in which a person played the field quite egregiously until they met "the one," and finally were smitten, and were willing to settle down.

(I suspect that the idea that if you have too much casual sex, you'll be 'ruined,' is being put forth by conservative factions in an attempt to scare young women into behaving in a more ladylike fashion than they would otherwise.) ound:


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

roadless said:


> LauraZone5...what scares me is *my seemingly inability to pick up on clues*. I have taken people at their word and I have had devastating consequences due to that in my marriage.
> 
> Had my coworker said to me "I would like to get to know you better. Would you like to do something this weekend ?" then I would have known what I was getting into. I would have politely declined but it would have been more accurate to what was going on.
> 
> To my way of thinking playing on my sympathies was not cool.


I have always had the 'gift' of being able to read people....and 99% of the time, I was right......
But the one time I was wrong, dang, I mean WHOOOO dang, was I wrong.
And it disseminated my self-confidence, the gift, etc.
It's taken almost 3 years to get half way back to normal.....but whoo dang it's been a long road.

Sounds like the guy is just a master at douchebagery. 
I am sorry he was not forth right and honest. 
People like that I hope they get a flat tire and explosive diarrhea at the exact same moment.


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

Well,,,Oh,,wait,,what was that,,hmmm,,Oh Yea,,,

,Welp,,,,I had a Skype date tonight,,,Looks like I've been stood up,:Bawling:,,,

Sooooo,,,all you Girls,,uh,,,I need advise, consoling,,and pity,,,

Would ya all like to go out to do that,,and,,hmm maybe catch the sextet playing around the corner from Laura s house and I'll feel a little better,,,,


:nana:


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Tell you what, Willow Girl: The very best way to prove that one can play around for years and then settle down to a permanent relationship would be to stick with the man you've got. 

It's a challenge; you will undoubtedly last a lot longer than I will, so it will be up to the rest of the youngsters on this board to watch and see if you move on to number seven. 

How about it? Will you accept the challenge?


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## Guest (Feb 10, 2014)

There once was a small community of sociopaths who were from diverse backgrounds with diverse philosophies. The most unpleasant members of the community were unsettled by the fact that everybody wasn't as unpleasant as they were, furthermore, some of the sociopaths seemed to be downright pleasant. They decided, while talking to others of their ilk(I knew I'd get to use that word someday!!), to bombard the entire community with their unpleasantness, hoping to turn mildly unpleasant sociopaths into bitter harridan sociopaths, and make the undecided believe that being a bitter, shopworn harridan was desirable. 

A few members of the community tried to stem the tide with logic, humor, or whatever tools they had at their disposal. One member thought to herself, "Wait a minute, I'm not even a sociopath. What am I doing here?"


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

I know that voice. Hey, aren't you the guy who did the monologue in the beginning of Charlie's Angels? Can I get your autograph, dude?
For free?


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Laura said:


> Dating is spending time in social interaction with others getting to know them better to learn if there is enough to make it worthwhile to pursue the idea of relationship. Dating is not Relationship. The purpose of a 1st date is to have fun and get a 2nd date.
> 
> The date ends immediately, along with any idea of further dates at the first hint of sex or my house. Those are things saved for discussion after Relationship happens.


I agree almost verbatim with the above. But my reason for the first date is that i have spent enough time talking on the phone with the perspective "datee" to know that she is one of the good ones and worth a personal investment of time to get to know better. I don't "try" to have fun, the date either is or isn't fun. That's the chemistry part that we are all looking for. If that is there then the in person date is considered a success and a 2nd date is almost always wanted by both parties. 

People and circumstances are different and things move at different speeds. I try to stay flexible and open as long as things are healthy, positive, and there is understanding on each end.

I dont believe distance has to be the end of all, it just means creativity and patience is tested and developed. It would be a shame to miss out on the real deal due to the cost of a tank of fuel once a month, especially considering how we pay more for bottled water than a gallon of fuel. Just my 2 cents!! LOLOL


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## sustainabilly (Jun 20, 2012)

[YOUTUBE]FPH9D6mBVYE[/YOUTUBE]


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Oxankle said:


> Tell you what, Willow Girl: The very best way to prove that one can play around for years and then settle down to a permanent relationship would be to stick with the man you've got.
> 
> It's a challenge; you will undoubtedly last a lot longer than I will, so it will be up to the rest of the youngsters on this board to watch and see if you move on to number seven.
> 
> How about it? Will you accept the challenge?


Good Lord, that sounds boring! And, life is far too short to be bored in a relationship!

My mother once told me that I had a short sttention span when it came to men! I guess I did so I kept trying until I got it right and the journey was great!


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## billooo2 (Nov 23, 2004)

One of my last "first dates" was meeting a lady at Lehman's Hardware........and after wandering around, admiring the variety of merchandise......we ate hot dogs at the concession stand that is right in the store.

It was a pleasant way to spend an afternoon, but did not lead to anything further.

How many women are out there that would consider an afternoon at Lehman's Hardware as an attractive option for a "first date?" :shrug:


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

roadless said:


> Um I just had something very weird happen this morning. Last week a man I have worked with for years came up to me and said that he was just blindsided by his wife of 22 years. He wondered if I would mind talking to him about my experience. He said he didn't want to talk at work and would I mind meeting him this weekend. We agreed to meet a local diner.
> I thought could try to be helpful. I know how traumatic the ending of my marriage was and in truth still is. Well I met with him and found out that his wife told him she was having an affair for the past year and was moving out , getting a divorce and marrying the guy. This was 17 days ago.
> He then asked me if I wanted to go to the movies! I am flabbergasted . When I said I wasn't dating he then asked if I wanted to go hiking with our dogs. I again said I wasn't dating.....
> 
> ...


Say, maybe the guy just wanted some company to go to a movie or go for a hike! Personally, in that situation, I would have gone because you never kmow who the man knows and who he can introduce you to.


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## Terri in WV (May 10, 2002)

billooo2 said:


> How many women are out there that would consider an afternoon at Lehman's Hardware as an attractive option for a "first date?" :shrug:


Only us real ones.


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## roadless (Sep 9, 2006)

Ardie, He is my co-worker......the only reason I went was because I thought I could help with his situation....it was clear he was attracted I wouldn't want to encourage him at all.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

roadless said:


> Ardie, He is my co-worker......the only reason I went was because I thought I could help with his situation....it was clear he was attracted I wouldn't want to encourage him at all.


I get ya'. Romance in the work place isn't a good idea! I guess that he might have found you attractive before, even when he was married! There is nothing wrong with that in of itself, but it isn't someting you want to get into. Rebound is too messy!


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## Jaclynne (May 14, 2002)

zong said:


> ...... They decided, while talking to others of their ilk(I knew I'd get to use that word someday!!), ......


You should get a double like for using 'ilk'. Some words are just too good to waste away.


L.A. - Speaking of double likes.....How did you manage to 'double like' Ardie's post? I didn't think that was possible. Are the internet fairies on your side?


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

I've found "Dating" to be extremely difficult,,,,mainly because,,

All the girls my age & older,, are to old for me,,,
And
All the girls younger are,,, to young for me,,,

I've tried dating myself a couple a times,,,but,,hey,,,I just ain't good look'n enough for me...sorry just the way it is,,:grump:

So,,guess I'll remain singl,,,uh,,
,,,Independently Owned and Operated ....(With benefits)
:grumble:


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## wyld thang (Nov 16, 2005)

The past two years have been amazing in the "dating" realm--which I'm loathe to use the word "date" because it just all about getting together with friends and having fun without expectation of the picket fence. All of them...ALL are now lifelong friends that care about me and I them. There were a few one night stands as it were...but again, profound friendship connection things took place and the love will never go away. I chose each with careful thought and consideration. Sure some have called me a floozy sowing my wild oats. But I know what I know and I've got precious true friends that I will never regret any of it. 

Am I ready for a monogamous faithful long term relationship? hell yeah. How did he know? it was the candy corn up the nose. 

My dates ranged from guys young enough to be my sons and old enough to be my dad. What did we talk about? "tell me about being an EMT at Burning man" or "tell me about Haight-Ashbury in 1965(the year I was born ha)" "tell me about climbing Kilimanjaro" and even "here let me help you with your garter belt"

Whatever happened to having fun?


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

billooo2 said:


> One of my last "first dates" was meeting a lady at Lehman's Hardware........and after wandering around, admiring the variety of merchandise......we ate hot dogs at the concession stand that is right in the store.
> 
> It was a pleasant way to spend an afternoon, but did not lead to anything further.
> 
> How many women are out there that would consider an afternoon at Lehman's Hardware as an attractive option for a "first date?" :shrug:


Um me, sign me up, this is the perfect first second third date... 
Yep this... 
How many women are out there that would consider an afternoon at Lehman's Hardware as an attractive option for a "first date?" :shrug:[/QUOTE]


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> Tell you what, Willow Girl: The very best way to prove that one can play around for years and then settle down to a permanent relationship would be to stick with the man you've got.
> 
> It's a challenge; you will undoubtedly last a lot longer than I will, so it will be up to the rest of the youngsters on this board to watch and see if you move on to number seven.
> 
> How about it? Will you accept the challenge?


It would be six, not seven, Ox (well, unless you count the shack-ups ound: ) and this one is so good to me that he probably couldn't chase me off with a stick.


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## no really (Aug 7, 2013)

Gonna jump in and probably make a fool of myself, won't be the first time... 

For me a date is a building block, the first step in getting to know someone, for both sides. Seems in my age group to many think that sex is involved, sorry not interested, don't know the person enough to trust them.. And yeah when I was younger I jumped the gun a bit and was pretty dang disappointed, kinda changed my thoughts on the subject.. LOL

I really enjoy getting together with a group of longtime friends, would I date any of them yeah.. done that, fun but not romantic... 

One of my favorite dates was a trip to the gun range to due some sight adjustments.. The guy was knowledgeable and fun.. We still are in touch, just timing is wrong.. and see each other when we can. It is a relationship without pressure..


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

I got to thinking about the title of this thread! Now...you got to understand that I haven't "dated" in 35 years so maybe I'm out of touch.

When I'd go out on a date, I went out to have fun! Just plain fun! (And, no, not sex!). No expectations. No nothing! If it didn't turn out to be fun..oh well, there is another guy around the corner!

That was my attitude and maybe that's why I had a good many dates back then!


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

Wow! 7 Ladies * , have "Liked " , Billoo's post about a date at Lehmans. I live about 40 minutes Northwest of Lehman's, Would any of you Local Ladies Like to meet for some harmless coffee, and Conversation? Lehmans, is just the tip of the iceberg, I have been going down to Holmes, and Wayne Counties, for many years, I know all of the backroads,local shops, hot spots*. I always noticed lots of Ladies, while passin through Berlin, Millersburg, Kidron, and Mt.Hope. And when there are the big machinery sales, at Kidron/Mt.Hope-it is wall to wall Country Men! So Fellas*, now you know, where the ladies want to go! Ohio!, right in my back yard! LOL I notice many tour buses , and such, I could give you a "personal" tour, of Amish Country. There are weekly Sales, and Auctions, Awesome resale shops (this is where I have gathered much of my "non-electric" lamps /lanterns, and households). Walnut Creek, and Troyers, have fantastic country bulk stores! Zincks Fabric-is a favorite for the ladies also*. Any one interested? 
P.S.- I promise, I am not a Vampire* Lol*****


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## RideBarefoot (Jun 29, 2008)

If I didn't already have an Ohio guy wrapped around my finger, I'd take ya up on that...


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

SimplerTimez said:


> over twenty years since I dated, and due to widowhood I was a little skittish.


I'm not skittish at all, it apparently gives the same results lol.



SimplerTimez said:


> Younger people seem to know how to just 'hang out' without freaking out and crowding your space. People in my age bracket that I dated seem in a really big hurry to make it a boyfriend/girlfriend thing.


This hasn't been true for me. First of all, I prefer men 5 to 10 years older than I. Just always been that way. Now that I'm almost 40, anyone older than me is either highly suspicious, so much so they won't even talk to me or they have been knocked so far down in self esteem and confidence that they will not tell me how they actually feel or ask me out. I find out about it later usually, when they have settled for someone else and then decide to tell me about it.

So *sigh* I have been on dates with men younger than I. Wow. That's all I have to say. Usually we never even make it to meeting, they chicken out. If they don't, they don't have much to draw on so it's a lot of nervous talk about sex. Which loses me every time. It's not very sexy to be talking about your exploits on a date. In fact for me, it's extremely boring. I don't get offended even, it's amusing to try to watch them sell themselves for the only thing they "think" they've got a handle on.

No matter their age though, as soon as I start actually getting to know and like them, they usually bolt. For one reason or another...and it's never been because they found someone else or think I'm crazy. Later though, if they find someone else they like to call or message me and tell me how they regret not following up with me. OR! And this is "the best" they let me know the reason they stopped seeing me is that they are actually married and felt guilty about leaving me without explanation. 

This is all a huge pattern I can't seem to figure out my way around. Apparently there is no way around it.

I was dating a guy that I thought might have some great potential for the last couple of months, he recently bolted as well. I'm not sure why, he refuses to talk to or see me. All I know is that it was directly after I said, "From what I understand we are good friends and are dating, why would it bother me if you had dinner with another friend?"

I never got an answer. So I can only assume that in a few months I'll hear from this one too after he has settled for someone that shows more jealousy. :shrug:

So what I have learned from dating is that men are just as freaked out and scared as women are. Whether they know that or not is another story. I KNOW I get freaked out, as sure of myself as I am, I'm not so sure about other people. I don't mind signs of vulnerability, that is what is usually ingratiating about a man, but signs of being flim-flammy or unstable are generally things that make me back off.

The only other thing I have figured out (or think I have) from talking with the people that have taken the time to get to know me, friends and co-workers, they can't figure out why someone as great as I am is single. But then again neither can the serious people I have dated and that is scary for them. I'm scary.

BOO! *giggle* 

DISCLAIMER: This is not meant to come off like I think I'm perfect, far from it, but as they say I really am a heck of a woman. Just poking around and trying to find a heck of a man.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

Oh and as far as what dating means to me...it means you spend time with someone to see if there is something there that makes you want to be friends with the underlying notion that if you can make it that far the next thing to see about is a relationship beyond that.

Seems that a lot of people don't know how to be friends and want to skip that part. 

Oh and to back up again on the people talking about sex on dates...as I said, seems that the men younger than me want to talk about it because they know they have that to offer (perhaps they think that is the only reason I am going on a date with them) and the older men want to make sure I know they still have it or CAN have it LOL....as if that is the only reason I am going on a date with them.


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

WhyNot said:


> I'm not skittish at all, it apparently gives the same results lol.


Skittish perhaps was not the correct term &#8211; reluctant may be more applicable. I had not reached the place where I truly was ready to consider trying to form another relationship, which is my only approach to dating based on my historical life experiences. I have never been an active &#8216;dater&#8217;, and certainly never carrying on with more than one interest at a time. I tend to focus on getting to know someone very intensely in order to accurately gauge compatibility in many areas.

I graduated early from HS, and worked during my entire time in school. I was always out of step with my peers and as such, lived a far different lifestyle. I was living on my own and working two jobs at seventeen &#8211; they were still going to school and partying with no responsibilities. As such, I never really &#8216;dated&#8217;, but rather hung out in group functions when I had time off from work and could do so. People that were interested in me tended to be many years older, as I was already in the business world as a secretary by day and a cocktail waitress at night.

I tended at that time, and still find myself in this pattern, of finding a person with which there was mutual interest by observation, and making that relationship work. No one that I&#8217;ve ever seriously dated has ever left my life except for the inheriting fiancÃ© &#8211; they became partners nearly immediately, we never dated others after meeting and eventually we married. In my real life face-to-face dating experiences since widowhood, I have always been the one to end it, usually very quickly due to obvious things &#8211; and have had some difficulties extricating people from my life, like they didn&#8217;t understand &#8220;Thanks, but we&#8217;re not compatible.&#8221; I will not ever string someone along, as their time is valuable, just as is mine.

Casual exploration is not my style, and that is where I find myself at variance with the social dynamics of today. Since I know I am not staying here, beginning a relationship locally has no interest to me. I&#8217;m not looking for someone to just take me to dinner and entertain me &#8211; I can do that with female friends. The men that I have met locally that have expressed interest are not my type unfortunately, something quite difficult to get across to them since I&#8217;m not actively living the lifestyle and as such, really don&#8217;t look the part, lol. And I&#8217;ve reduced my social outings in lieu of saving my money to pay off my debt so that I _can_ go live the life that I want, thereby limiting my external activities quite a bit. 



WhyNot said:


> This hasn't been true for me. First of all, I prefer men 5 to 10 years older than I. Just always been that way. Now that I'm almost 40, anyone older than me is either highly suspicious, so much so they won't even talk to me or they have been knocked so far down in self esteem and confidence that they will not tell me how they actually feel or ask me out. I find out about it later usually, when they have settled for someone else and then decide to tell me about it.


When I used the term boyfriend/girlfriend in my last post, that was a genteel way to say that they wanted physical intimacy far, far ahead of any emotional intimacy, which I absolutely require for the first. If possible, I find men far more sexually aggressive at our ages than they were when I was young. Maybe it is because there is no pregnancy fear and social mores have relaxed. I am intensely sexual, but not in casual relationships whatsoever. I&#8217;m not interested in test driving a lot of different models. There comes a time and place that frank sexual discussions are quite welcome &#8211; it is a critical part of relationships. But my experiences have been that it is like it is expected that if they&#8217;ve bought dinner, by golly they better be getting dessert on the house. Sorry, I don&#8217;t fly that way. First, it takes me a while to discern if someone is of intellectual and other interest levels, before &#8216;woo-hoo&#8217; factor is allowed to become even a possibility. I am also very clear with a man if I have interest beyond the basics, in the extremely rare event when that happens. I need clarity as I don&#8217;t do subtle or cryptic well &#8211; and I assume men would appreciate the same. However, my brother told me that when I do such, I remove the &#8216;unobtainable&#8217; factor (hah!) and that men do not care for a sure thing, they want a chase<throws up hands> So there goes clarity out the window! I guess only if you feign disinterest is one interesting, and that&#8217;s not in my personality makeup. I only know one way to give, and that is with all of me with direct honesty &#8211; and that&#8217;s only after I know someone is also interested in me. 

I generally find the entire thing confusing and quite daunting despite my excellent communication skills, my apparently reasonably acceptable physical appearance and a love for all things fun and goofy but hidden inside a fairly intense personality. The good feedback that I have is that those who know me in real life from forums confirm that I am the same in real life as I am here &#8211; WYSIWYG.

I am rather like TxMex - I guess one is going to have to fall into my life wearing a sign lettered &#8220;INTERESTED&#8221; , for me to feel comfortable enough at this time to even look at someone with anything beyond the same friendship vibe that I would extend to a female friend. 

~ST


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## TxGypsy (Nov 23, 2006)

SimplerTimez said:


> I am rather like TxMex - I guess one is going to have to fall into my life wearing a sign lettered âINTERESTEDâ , for me to feel comfortable enough at this time to even look at someone with anything beyond the same friendship vibe that I would extend to a female friend.
> 
> ~ST


:rotfl: You've certainly got me pegged!

I am the same way, I have trouble 'dating'. It feels too much like cheating. I understand that is isn't, but it feels like it and that is not at all like me. 

I don't understand why there is so much emphasis placed on sex at the getting to know you stage, except it is a symptom of how casual relationships have become. Generally that is not the problem in a long term relationship. It's all the other stuff that is the hard part. I know that usually when a man is getting the cold shoulder in the bedroom it is not because of his 'performance' but rather something that has happened outside the bedroom.


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

I appreciate everyone's opinion, dating means different things to different people. It depends on what they are seeking at that moment and possible long term. No right or wrong answer here. 

I have decided that I am still going to accept offers to meet and go on a date. Of course, this person will have already met the first date requirements.... This does not included jumping into bed, any anticipation that this person is the "one", or rushing into anything. 

It simply means to me, that going out with someone that shares some of the same interests as I do, that I feel comfortable with, if not, the date wont get past 5 minutes long. He must know how to converse, that in itself an art. So, basically, I guess I am testing the waters for more an activity partner/causal companion to help break up some of the monotony of homework and work. Again, NOT sex. 

I look at it this way, if I come across someone that everything "clicks" then great! If not, then I have made a possible friend/acquaintance. 

My motto: KISS - Keep It Simple Stoopid. LOL


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

I think that is a good way to go, RubyRed. It's what I do for the most part. I keep myself to two rules in the way of friends or dates or anyone that I let into my life (as it is a privilege to be in anyone's life), one is to not compromise my happiness and the other is not to compromise my safety. After those two are covered, I just enjoy the moment. Even if that moment is learning that the guy is a  .


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

TxMex said:


> <snip>
> 
> I don't understand why there is so much emphasis placed on sex at the getting to know you stage, except it is a symptom of how casual relationships have become. Generally that is not the problem in a long term relationship. It's all the other stuff that is the hard part. I know that usually when a man is getting the cold shoulder in the bedroom it is not because of his 'performance' but rather something that has happened outside the bedroom.


Perhaps because men and women still view physical intimacy differently, despite the changing times. I know women who have taken a more 'male' approach, for definition's sake, and have sex at the drop of a hat (errr, pants, whatever). But they still get hurt when men don't stay in contact afterwards or it doesn't move to another stage of relationship. I have also known men that get hurt by this behavior in a woman as well.

Many men (and some women) view physical intimacy as just another thing that you do, with no emotional context. You know, let's go see the gardens, have lunch and sleep together - we're friends, right? I can't wrap my head around that.

Having been married long term, while intimacy is the 'glue' that often gauges the health of the entire relationship, eventually you spend more time out of bed than in it - and what happens outside of the bedroom has far more impact than anyone measures. I think it was Ox a while back that explained an understanding that many lack - what goes on all day has a huge impact on what happens at night <or at lunch, or before he heads out the door for work > Too many people fail to grasp this I think. One can learn the physical intimacy tempo of another, but getting along outside of the bedroom? That's crucial. How one is treated, how one is operating in tandem with another, those are the big things. Get that right, and most women that I know well enough to discuss such with will make any man happy, any time, any where. 

Shrug. We'll always be different, men and women. Hopefully each of us will find one with whom all of these things can be figured out while smiling and being happy 

~ST


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

RubyRed said:


> I appreciate everyone's opinion, dating means different things to different people. It depends on what they are seeking at that moment and possible long term. No right or wrong answer here.
> 
> I have decided that I am still going to accept offers to meet and go on a date. Of course, this person will have already met the first date requirements.... This does not included jumping into bed, any anticipation that this person is the "one", or rushing into anything.
> 
> ...


You never know what can come out of getting to know someone...a friend, maybe. Or, that date might have a brother, cousin, buddy that you'll get to know through that friend.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Just an observation but if one feels the need to make it clear that there will be no sex before going on the date then perhaps one is not dating the right kind of guy in the first place? Not judging at all, but think about it.

To be honest if i were told there would be no sex before a date i would cancel the date! And not because i would be getting no sex. But because it would sound like they date men that normally do expect sex. You may want to rethink that predate verbiage. Or not.

The last date i had the subject of sex was not brought up, nor should have it been. We had far too much other stuff to talk about!! Things to look at, laughing so hard, people watching, shopping for leaverites, price checking, grabbing craft ideas, and generally having a good time! It was the perfect date.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

doingitmyself said:


> Just an observation but if one feels the need to make it clear that there will be no sex before going on the date then perhaps one is not dating the right kind of guy in the first place? Not judging at all, but think about it.
> 
> To be honest if i were told there would be no sex before a date i would cancel the date! And not because i would be getting no sex. But because it would sound like they date men that normally do expect sex. You may want to rethink that predate verbiage. Or not.
> 
> The last date i had the subject of sex was not brought up, nor should have it been. We had far too much other stuff to talk about!! Things to look at, laughing so hard, people watching, shopping for leaverites, price checking, grabbing craft ideas, and generally having a good time! It was the perfect date.


Yes, I agree! It's been a long, long time since I dated, but I don't recall that subject ever coming up before or during the first dates! If it would have, I'd have laughed in the guys face!

I just asked DH about it! He said that if I would have brought up the subject of sex on our first few days, he'd have cut and run!


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

cindilu said:


> Um me, sign me up, this is the perfect first second third date...
> Yep this...
> How many women are out there that would consider an afternoon at Lehman's Hardware as an attractive option for a "first date?" :shrug:


[/QUOTE]

I can't speak to a date at Lehmans (but that would be awesome for me), but i can speak to shopping, cost comparing and reading ingredient labels at a Amish General Store. Talking to like minded other people, it was actually extremely relaxing, fun and educational. Plus, i got to hold hands a little, make some giggle jokes, and got to know her better!!! LOLOL


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## cindilu (Jan 27, 2008)

I would love love love to go to a Amish store, or just try to move into the store or just try to live amount the people for awhile just to learn and take notes. It would all work until I had to go to church with them, then the inner Pentecostal in me would be screaming for release. They would burn me to the stake at this point. 

BUT I would still love to see Amish country, stores, Lemans, what ever I could get my hands on.


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

I keep dating in the realm of public spaces. Why would I need to tell a guy no sex? That's obvious.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

Laura said:


> I keep dating in the realm of public spaces. Why would I need to tell a guy no sex? That's obvious.


[email protected] I have images of couple ducking under tablecloths or picnic tables.


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## fordy (Sep 13, 2003)

RubyRed said:


> I am slowly starting to dip my toe back into the dating pool again. I don't go out often, for many reasons. My family, my personal and professional goals take precedence. However, I have scolded myself for not getting out to meet other people of the opposite sex. I mean, what's the harm, right?
> 
> I am certainly not ready for anything serious at this point, and I express this, clearly, or so I think. Just taking time out to meet someone of like mind, maybe go for a walk, or a nice dinner and conversation, share some laughs, etc.
> 
> ...


 
.................Some of the best days in your life happen when you learn to be at peace with yourself and be able to eat a meal without anyone at your table . Some folks just can't seem to function unless they have another echo in their home besides their own voice . I know a couple that consult each other when the person calling asked to speak to the husband , not the wife............she listens to the caller then discusses the callers question with her DH before he answers . 
..................Tell any future obnoxious boyfriend your home maybe repo'ed and can you borrow 20k just to tide you over . Put a cork in his bottle . , lol , fordy


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## Lizzie Bella (Feb 14, 2008)

Here is your answer: 
1. Drive your own car
2. Pay for you own meal
3. Leave in your car after you pay for your meal and then go home.
4. No kissing on first date.


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

Very wise words Fordy!!


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

The best dates are when I date myself. I know I'm gonna have a good time getting to know people. Once in awhile I'll get a Bad Boy Player up in my space flipping Feel Good switches all the way to the parking lot. All I have to say is, "WOW, I wanna trash your truck!" He's GONE!

I think perhaps the keeper is the one who's truck can't be trashed. He says, "Good luck trying, but how 'bout I throw power steering in first so it will be fun?"

Those weeks leading up to dates and dating seem to be incredibly stressful to most people. Perhaps dating yourself to learn more about yourself before adding another person to the experience may help dating be more positive.


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

doingitmyself said:


> To be honest if i were told there would be no sex before a date i would cancel the date! And not because i would be getting no sex. But because it would sound like they date men that normally do expect sex. You may want to rethink that predate verbiage. Or not.


To me, when a person starts spelling out what won't happen, ever, it can come off as controlling or bitterness.

Like the vampire Vicker posted his exchange with. She simply WILL NOT EVER dye her hair for a man because of the last man...blah blah blah....

When I see or hear that sort of thing from men or women, it does not make me want to meet them, date them or be friends with them. They obviously have things they need to work on.

My two "rules" apply here. If it's going to dampen my happiness to visit with someone that has the potential to drone on endlessly about how they have been dumped erroneously, cheated on, etc, etc, etc...that's not very happy and I won't even go there.

Same as my other "rule" of safety. I don't give out my address to people I've just met, it doesn't matter to me if I have spoken to you for a week and we decide to go out to lunch or dinner. I also don't go to people's homes that I have just met. It's just how I am. They aren't going to hear about that it's because of this or that experience or man that jilted me, because it isn't. It is my personal preference and the boundaries that I need to, again, make sure my mind is peaceful about my happiness and safety.

That is all. No one wants to know there are pre-conditions on anything and even if they do see a person with a list of do not's and will not's, likely they are going to be the ones that are going to try to break those rules because they are up for the challenge and not really wanting a regular relationship anyway lol. They are the ones still in college mindset of, "I'm going to tap that because no one else can" and somehow that will make them feel like they have conquered a great challenge and have gone where no man has been...ever or in however long.


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## Ardie/WI (May 10, 2002)

WhyNot said:


> To me, when a person starts spelling out what won't happen, ever, it can come off as controlling or bitterness.
> 
> Like the vampire Vicker posted his exchange with. She simply WILL NOT EVER dye her hair for a man because of the last man...blah blah blah....
> 
> ...


Very wise words!

I'm still wondering about the hair dye thing! If some man would have wanted me to dye my hair dor whatever reason, I'm afraid that I would have gotten the giggles on my way out the door!


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

I do have to say something. I met Articow at his home, Fowler at her home and Ms. Donut Hole at her home without meeting them in a public place first. To me, this is different. First of all I came under my own power...secondly, I had an escape plan. Seriously. LOL I laugh...but seriously...I did. People knew where I was going and what to do if they didn't hear from me.

With dates I just don't.
Usually.
But.
Well.
Sometimes.
If there is a motel.... 

LMAO


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

Dating these days is so much more different than when I was younger . I have discovered these past few weeks, that you have got to get off the sidelines and get in the game. It's the only way to really figure out what any of it means. As for sex and dating, I'd say that is just as varied as the people involved. I certainly will not judge what two consenting adults choose to do with their free time or how they choose to get to know one another. I know what works for me and when a like minded person comes along, it's all good


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

Ardie/WI said:


> Very wise words!
> 
> I'm still wondering about the hair dye thing! If some man would have wanted me to dye my hair dor whatever reason, I'm afraid that I would have gotten the giggles on my way out the door!


Yes, that's a good point. However, if he first asked if you would consider it and expressed a desire for a few highlights. After consideration you decide to oblige him. He offers to drive you there, insists on prepaying for the salon services, then picks you up and take you out for dinner afterwards to express his thankfulness for your choice why would a girl refuse??? LOLOL Plus then i make more $$$ LOLOL :drum:

Or change your mind and get a pedi/mani? Hey, a girl had to have options right!!! LOL:rock:


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

I like the way you think DIM, lol! Are there men that do such? 

~ST


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

SimplerTimez said:


> I like the way you think DIM, lol! Are there men that do such?
> 
> ~ST


YES THERE ARE! Usually though I have only seen it in men that are seeing a woman who already does those things. Basically really girly girls, toes, nails, hair, etc done at least once a week. I've seen men on the second date start scheduling work to be done on them during the next week so the woman is "ready" for the next date on the weekend...they pay for it as well. Funny thing though...they seem to go from woman to woman LOL.

I have to say if a man in my life wants to surprise me of a gift of that or if I say "I sure would like to...." and he offers to pay for it or something like that...I'd take him up on it.

But if it is some sort of prerequisite to making him happy...I am pretty sure I am not the woman for him. I can break manicures in one day installing a server easy.

Just the same, I'm not going to ask a man to shave his beard or insist he grow one or something unless he wants to if I meet them and they are one way, I accept that they will be that way and if something changes...well..shave off the beard I feel like I'm with a different man for a while...it's pretty sexy LOL.

I tend to change my hair often...very often. They'll figure that out if they know me for 8 weeks.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Nother thang I got against women round my age. Most don't like to change there hair color, and mosta them are silver or white, OR BLUE. mines STILL dish water blonde, and I don't color it. 
I don't want to be reminded im getting old by having to look at a old white haired woman every day. Being retired, I couldn't even get away from her for 8hrs.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I grew a beard and moustache for a CW Event this Sat. I H A T E it, and it will be gone by Sat night. BUT it came out as white as could be, so I did dye it.

I didn't want the rebs to say, Hey, don't waste your shots on him, he looks like he oughta be daid anyhow.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

SimplerTimez said:


> I like the way you think DIM, lol! Are there men that do such?
> 
> ~ST


Yes, yes there are men that like to spoil the lady in their life on occasion! There are also women that spoil their men by shopping for jeans, underwear and such for the man in their life!


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

I ain't had a Date since ???,,,I don't even remember,,,,

,,,But I think a Date is just kind of a big raisin,,,,,:icecream:

Any of you girls want a raisin with me???


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## WhyNot (Jun 21, 2011)

From reading everything in this thread, L.A. it looks like it would depend on what is raisin.


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

I've started dating and I really can't believe how shallow people are. I'm sure it's not just men. I talked to the couple of men that I went out with on the net, then on the phone, then met them in a public place, and it's amazing how different some acted in person. The process of dating, I am not fond of at all...BUT I have met someone. 
I didn't kiss him on the first date either. But I sure did on the second!!! 

And yeah, DON'T SETTLE! I'm staying away from anyone that resembles my first two ex's!


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

I was talking to a kid I work with: his folks just divorced after 25 years of marriage.
His dad is out 'dating' and the kid met his dads new 'girlfriend'.

Just the sound of that has me using a napkin to wash off my tongue.
ANYWAY......
I asked him how he felt about all that......and he seemed "ok" with it.

I told him, "I don't think I could have a 'serious' man in my life until my kids are completely moved out.....but on the other hand, if I wait, I will ancient and used up and NO ONE would want me."
He said he really thinks that is what his mom is gonna do.
He also said he would treat his mom's 'men friends' like a father treats his daughters bf's. 
As long as the man friend is respectful and treats his mom well....there won't be a problem!!

This whole dating thing freaks me out.

My grammy, after my grand dad died in 1969, NEVER HAD another man......ever.
And she passed over in the mid 90's.

It all just freaks me out.


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

I understand what you're saying Laura. In my case, I felt I needed to do it to help me get over him. Cuz even though I left HIM, it was for his stupid mistakes...I had to get past all of it and going out helped me. It was very weird talking to other men and looking across the table at someone I did not know. Very weird...


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

I'm gonna be honest, at the place I am now?
Casual, non committal, sex is less freaky than 'dating'.
And that sounds super freaky.
But less than 'dating'.

There are only 2 things more precious than 'my time' (God and my kids) but my 'time' is very precious. I hate it SO MUCH when someone wastes my time.
Steal from me, lie to me, beat me down....ok.
DON'T waste my time.

Dating just seems "SO time consuming".


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I agree with ya Laura, IN the traditional sense of dating. NOW, If the date is accomplishing a chore, or task, then that would be alright.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I took DKsmom to an auction as a date. That rather accomplished a thing worthy of doing.


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## viggie (Jul 17, 2009)

I think you are right there FBB. My last first date was working in the yard together. Real world situations where you have time to talk and see how you work together (literally) is a much better way of getting to know each other and set realistic expectations of your time together than your classic faking it over a fancy dinner and sitting quietly through a movie.


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## doingitmyself (Jul 30, 2013)

^^^^^^^that right there^^^^^

I have always tried to date like that, not just the yard, sometimes a much needed break and a canoe trip, or going to sidewalk sales, garage sales, or like FBB said an auction. Honestly i think if they don't want to do something productive or simple and i HAD to wine and dine em then honestly that is not my kind of woman. And the other poster is correct how can i learn anything about you in a movie house? I am not cheap by any means, but i not going to blow the stash on the first date!!

I will wine and dine them but at the park, in the woods, on the bank having Walleye shore lunch or at the homestead, yours or mine. I figure it like this, we both could act all pretty and crap but sooner or later the real us come out, might as well know what that is right up front so we don't waste each others time if we are not comfortable together. Still can have a nice dinner, whether or not we have a second date. 

I used to do the "death march" date which was a canoe trip in low water in summer where we had to work together to drag the canoe on occasion, that instantly brings out the best and worse in a woman. But as age adds up it has gotten tougher even for me to drag that canoe for 1/4 mile in ankle deep water, so the "death march" dates are a thing of the past!!! LOLOLOL


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## Laura (May 10, 2002)

See, right there DIM nailed it. How can we find appropriate homestead mates if we date like townies? Is the lack of dating by ST males because of conflicting ideas of FUN? You think *this* would be a blast, but society says *that* is what a date looks like. 

Some of us country women have no interest in going 70 miles for dinner and a movie, and we don't have much interest in men who think that's fun. Now the well made up glamour girl in the red sports car may expect it, but will she be interested in helping you dig potatoes?

Dating is about getting to know one another and weeding them out early, before there's attachment.

Off to start a new thread on Great Date ideas for country folk......


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I think I could find out a lot about someone at the sale. IF we walked past the chikckens and rabbits, id suspect for her to randomly talk about her experiences with this or that breed. IF by the guns, if she was interested in them, of what guns shes had/shot over the years. If by the dozens of rows of STUFF, say, seeing a canner, or jars,, or a tiller, or push plow, or whatever that she had had an occasion to use, or something that her family had that she used or saw used. That would tell me a lot as to whether she liked, and reviered her memories of said things, or whether she dispised and hated them./


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