# Am I A Bad Person?



## big rockpile (Feb 24, 2003)

Ok my wife is having the bulk of her Stomach taken out to lose weight. The deal is for the Doctors to have a couple do this at the same time so they can support each other. I told the Doctor off and said there was no way I would have this done.

Question is how can I think of supporting my wife on this when I think it is wrong and stupid?

big rockpile


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## Poriggity (Nov 8, 2018)

Is she doing something like a gastric bypass, there they tie off her stomach, or is she actually having stomach removed? Is there a medical reason she needed to have this done, or did she just choose to have it done to help with weight loss?


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## big rockpile (Feb 24, 2003)

Poriggity said:


> Is she doing something like a gastric bypass, there they tie off her stomach, or is she actually having stomach removed? Is there a medical reason she needed to have this done, or did she just choose to have it done to help with weight loss?


She is actually having most of her Stomach permanently removed. They wanted to take all mine out. Once it is done it is permanent. 

She just decided to do this to lose weight. I told her a Good start would be to quit drinking nothing but Diet Pepsi but the Dietician up there told her it was just fine, she is telling me these people know far more than me.

Some ways I feel I'm wrong because I'm very mad at them and her. Doctor got mad at me because I told people at the meeting what I thought. Told my wife yes he would be mad because it knocks him out of thousands of dollars.

big rockpile


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## Poriggity (Nov 8, 2018)

big rockpile said:


> She is actually having most of her Stomach permanently removed. They wanted to take all mine out. Once it is done it is permanent.
> 
> She just decided to do this to lose weight. I told her a Good start would be to quit drinking nothing but Diet Pepsi but the Dietician up there told her it was just fine, she is telling me these people know far more than me.
> 
> ...


In my opinion, you are not wrong. I am a big believer that changing diet does wonders for your physical well being, before any type of surgery will. It does seem though, that her mind will not be changed. If I were in your shoes, I would try hard to help her, and show her support for what she wants to do, but I would also make it clear that you have no intentions of having the surgery. Do a little research on diets such as the "wheat belly" diet. In my opinion, if she really wants to trim down, the wheat belly diet is the way to go.. not to mention cutting out sugars from sodas too...


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## Alice In TX/MO (May 10, 2002)

Your behavior was less than gentlemanly. 

You can have your opinion without confrontation. 

Your wife doesn’t need your permission to have the surgery. 

You aren’t a bad person, but you behaved badly.


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## Evons hubby (Oct 3, 2005)

No, rocky, you're not a bad person.... You are a man. Men are not bad, not even evil.... We are simply wrong!


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## big rockpile (Feb 24, 2003)

I have a sign in my room.

If a man is alone in the forest with no women to hear him. Is he still wrong?

big rockpile


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

Considering Rock's other health issues I seriously would question if he should have any surgery, much less an elective surgery such as stomach stapling. 

My cousin had her stomach stapled/removed. Left her with a tiny bit of stomach so she started out by eating little bits of food, but all day long since she could not handle larger portions. At first she lost weight, quite a bit of weight. Her skin got saggy and droopy and she then needed to have some removed. Since she didn't change her diet or eating habits other than the portion reductions she ended up regaining about half the weight she had lost. Since she was still eating all the time her stomach ended up growing again and is now almost back to it's previous size.

While I support your decision to refuse the surgery, you probably should have said quite a bit less to the doctor during the consultation. Your wife is determined to have it done. You are determined to not have it done. I don't know what the doctor said to you that made you so mad but IMO simply doing both people at the same time for "moral support" is a poor reason for undergoing a very risky surgery.

You can support your wife by doing exercises with her and changing your diet along with hers. Eating healthier foods and eating smaller portions can go a long way toward helping with weight loss now and later, even without surgery. I don't know what a good exercise program would be that both of you can tolerate but many stretching and low weight training programs would help.


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## GTX63 (Dec 13, 2016)

My wife struggled for several years with dropping about 15 lbs and asked me to cut back on the heavy meals to help her. Well, with two boys still in the house that ate like jackals, I didn't want to miss out on the party.
I wouldn't do the surgery. Sorry, I just don't do doctors well. But I also have the mindset that if I want to make something happen, it will happen. If my wife was at that point, I'd sell the side by side and hang a little dorm fridge on the wall and have at it with her.

Rock, regarding your husbandly "tact", if your wife doesn't know you by now she hasn't been trying.


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## Evons hubby (Oct 3, 2005)

My Yvonne had her stomach stapled and nearly all of it removed last year. She lost a lot of weight, and still eats like a bird. She is happy, therefor I am happy.


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## Ellendra (Jul 31, 2013)

Personally, I've heard too many horror stories to ever consider that kind of surgery. If your wife is determined, then it's certainly her choice. But I'd encourage her to explore every possible option first.


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## HermitJohn (May 10, 2002)

Its ultimately the individuals decision, but I would think unless the person has pressing health issues connected with obesity, that its maybe not the cure all some imagine it to be. It will give temporary relief, even reversing diabetes. But unless diet also changes....


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## Karen (Apr 17, 2002)

I had gastric bypass and it saved my life. Or I should say, it gave me a life! It isn't a cure; it's an amazing tool. That tool is fabulous the first year because you simply cannot eat too much or eat the wrong things. If you do, the body's will turn against you and make you so sick you vow to never do that again. It's like a miracle for someone like me who simply can't know when I'm full. HOWEVER, it's after that is when people start to put weight back on if they aren't careful because that pouch stretches and that old nemesis "hunger" shows backup. But eating properly and healthy is much easier if you get determined to stick with the plan because your hunger is still controllable. The key is choosing the right foods and stopping when your "satisfied" as opposed to when your "full". 

Another plus side to gastric bypass is 90% of diabetics are no longer diabetic almost immediately after surgery -- before they even go home from the hospital. I was one of them. Doctors and researchers aren't sure why this happens, but believe it may be because your body chemistry and metabolism literally does change after gastric bypass.

Everyone has heard horror stories about the surgery but 99% of them is either from when the surgery was new, was a stomach stapling, or just plain lies. Today, the surgery is safer and lower risk than having a knee replacement (which is next up for me on December 4 -- prayers please; I'm a wimp when it come to pain..lol). If you read the gastric bypass forums, almost no one ever says they wish they handn't had it done (after they heal that is!). It really is a life saver for so many. Give her your support. She'll need it. You don't have to approve of her decision and you don't have to do it yourself, but you can support and encourage this choice for her to get healthy.


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## mekasmom (Jan 19, 2010)

Ellendra said:


> Personally, I've heard too many horror stories to ever consider that kind of surgery. If your wife is determined, then it's certainly her choice. But I'd encourage her to explore every possible option first.


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## mekasmom (Jan 19, 2010)

Sorry. I pushed the wrong things and the first post went out with no reply. I'm sorry. I wish your wife the best. I hope she decides against this though. May God bless her and heal her quickly, in Jesus name. So be it. And, NO, you are not being mean by not wanting her to do this. You want her to live and be healthy. That is a good thing.


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## #1 WV BonBonQueen (Sep 16, 2018)

Just wondering if your wife has tried other methods of weight loss, like Weight Watchers, or Jenny Craig? I do know of a person who was going to have this done, she had to go to a support group, try for 6 months to lose weight in other ways.
She did all she was supposed to do, lost weight and they deemed her "worthy" to have the surgery. I wondered how they could say she was "worthy" if she could lose the weight by other means, why not just keep doing that way to lose weight? 
Her biggest answer to being overweight was, " I like to eat" and when I told her that is why all people who are fat are in fact fat, they also like to eat. 
If by chance a person has tried all the ways to lose weight and can't for some reason, then..... I would agree with them about having the surgery.
If a person is having this surgery, to lose weight more easily, then NO, they shouldn't even be considered "worthy" to have the surgery.
So, no, you were not being mean, by telling her/doctor/group what you thought about the surgery. Maybe a bit more tact would have helped to get your point across without them becoming more defensive. 
Have you never heard the old saying, " You can attract more flies with honey than with vinegar?" 
It is in fact a true fact, if you are attacking anyone, on their choices, you will NOT get them on your side of thinking, by attacking their choices. 
Good Luck, hope it all works out, but yes, the Doctors are all about MONEY, and that is more important to them, than the person they are treating. JMHO


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## HermitJohn (May 10, 2002)

Karen said:


> Another plus side to gastric bypass is 90% of diabetics are no longer diabetic almost immediately after surgery -- before they even go home from the hospital. I was one of them. Doctors and researchers aren't sure why this happens, but believe it may be because your body chemistry and metabolism literally does change after gastric bypass.


I think its just because with resulting tiny stomach, the body cant digest the carbohydrates fast enough to jack up the blood sugar beyond what the pancreas can handle. Type2 is mostly from non alcoholic fatty liver disease, meaning liver gets lazy and cant convert excess blood sugar to fat fast enough. The pancreas then maxes out insulin production to try and make up difference and let cells use it, removing it from blood, but eventually cant make up difference. Type2 is a liver problem, not deficiency in insulin. But you do extreme reduction in carbohydrate consumption, then you are lowering blood sugar level to where there is enough insulin to deal with it without liver being fully functional.


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## Fire-Man (Apr 30, 2005)

I know several that have had their stomach stapled, Lost a lot of weight---Most---to only gain it all back in a few years because of their eating habits. They were looking for the simple way. I feel looking for a good diet and stick with it would work better, But I am a Man. BUT I chose to loose weight, by lightly cutting back and slowing cutting back a little more. I lost 50lbs in 22 weeks eating the same foods as I always had---just less. I still drink pepsi's---usually just 1 a day instead of 15. Eat steaks, and potato's, garlic bread, hamburgers, rice and gravy, eat the same as before---just smaller amounts. The weight came off slow. After loosing all I wanted to loose---My mind was trained on this is the amount I can eat. If I had of had to drink diet drinks, weight watcher meals---I would have never lost the weight.


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## LittleRedHen (Apr 26, 2006)

The best thing you can do is support her. It is also something that is not for me. I know a lot of loved ones who have had it. I would rather have the excess weight than experiencing what they go through with the surgery. PUking within 15 minutes into Thanksgiving meal is not my cup of tea! To be a support, hold her hair back when she pukes. You do you, but support her in what she wants to do. That's how to be the best hubby.


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## Ellendra (Jul 31, 2013)

#1 WV BonBonQueen said:


> She did all she was supposed to do, lost weight and they deemed her "worthy" to have the surgery. I wondered how they could say she was "worthy" if she could lose the weight by other means, why not just keep doing that way to lose weight?
> Her biggest answer to being overweight was, " I like to eat" and when I told her that is why all people who are fat are in fact fat, they also like to eat.
> If by chance a person has tried all the ways to lose weight and can't for some reason, then..... I would agree with them about having the surgery.



Actually, I can see the logic behind their method. If a person has a metabolic issue, it might be biochemically impossible for them to burn fat. Hypothyroidism is one common example of a metabolic issue, but there are others. Some are hard to test for.

There's a complex chain of reactions that converts stored fat into energy. If a signaling hormone is deficient, or missing entirely, then that sequence can't happen. To do stomach surgery on that person would probably kill them. They could starve to death, even while not losing weight.

The fact that they can lose weight through other means, means that the metabolic processes are working fine.


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## Bob M. (Nov 5, 2018)

big rockpile said:


> Question is how can I think of supporting my wife on this when I think it is wrong and stupid?


Got me on if you were wrong but I would of refused to have it done to me also. imo, supporting someone isn;t jumping off the bridge with them 'together'. you know your wife better than anyone else even maybe more so than she herself knows herself, and you may also know the reasons she is wanting to go through this or if she has too....not sure I would of 'told someone off', or what your definition of telling someone off is, but I wouldn't think that in and of itself would make you a bad guy.


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## gilberte (Sep 25, 2004)

Fire-Man said:


> I know several that have had their stomach stapled, Lost a lot of weight---Most---to only gain it all back in a few years because of their eating habits. They were looking for the simple way. I feel looking for a good diet and stick with it would work better, But I am a Man. BUT I chose to loose weight, by lightly cutting back and slowing cutting back a little more. I lost 50lbs in 22 weeks eating the same foods as I always had---just less. I still drink pepsi's---usually just 1 a day instead of 15. Eat steaks, and potato's, garlic bread, hamburgers, rice and gravy, eat the same as before---just smaller amounts. The weight came off slow. After loosing all I wanted to loose---My mind was trained on this is the amount I can eat. If I had of had to drink diet drinks, weight watcher meals---I would have never lost the weight.


 This, and learn to eat more slowly. My brother-in-law can inhale three pieces of pizza in the time it takes me to eat my one slice.


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## big rockpile (Feb 24, 2003)

Ok I don't eat with my wife and have my own Exercise Routine. As matter fact I don't spend much time with her. She will help me if I ask, same with her I'll help her if she ask.

As far as what the Doctor had to say it was in front of a Large Groupe and I told them all what I thought.

big rockpile


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## reubenT (Feb 28, 2012)

Had an aunt who had hers tied off to loose weight, it worked, she lost all her excess, had some extra surgery to get rid of excess folds of flesh that was stretched out from the excess. (she was at least 400 originally and was not all that large of stature to support it) Got a career going in home nursing. But some years later she ate a taco or two, maybe got a bit too much. and suddenly pain hit her, before they could get her anywhere and do anything she was dead with severe stomach pain, her tied off stomach broke and spilled into abdomen. (I've also heard of people dying from over use of diet drinks, the chemicals used in them are very bad for our system). I would never recommend anything like that to loose weight, it's a substitute for self control and that's stupid. Much better off just deciding to do something drastic with the diet and doing it. And not the normal drastic either. The very best diet anyone can do is to eat as much as you want, but only of certain things. Raw vegetables and fruits. And make some delicious smoothies of the same. They can be very delicious and we can get where we love them just by deciding to like them, telling ourself we like them even if we don't, and the mental discipline will react on the mind and we will actually start liking them. It is much more filling than junk food and therefore self limiting on quantity. 
Most people think overweight is over nutrition. Evidence suggests the opposite. That it's actually under nutrition. The body doesn't get the mineral nutrition it needs and stores fat in attempt to make up for the lack. Eating nothing but whole foods, and that mostly or completely raw will help alleviate the nutrition issue. And then there's the other issue. The soils are mostly washed out and depleted of minerals, the lack attempting to be supplied by chemical food to the plants to get a crop, but the quality, and therefore flavor of the food suffers. And thus we don't like eating it because it doesn't taste very good fresh. (alleviated somewhat by playing with various combinations, like adding pineapple to green juice and such things) 
So the very best solution is to develop our own food production, use the High Brix/ Nutrient dense system of plant feeding and soil fertility methods. Get that produce super tasty, it can go far beyond what most people can imagine in wonderful flavor. I'd approximate that plant genetics have maybe 20% effect on flavor, fertility makes up the other 80%. I've had carrots that were supremely tasty and sweet, and had a lot more that were practically inedible. Last 30 years I've had trouble finding any that are any good. The growers are satisfied with just a product to sell and don't take the trouble to research and strive to enhance fertility for flavor, many not even realizing that mineral fertility and soil management has anything to do with flavor and nutrition. The flavor actually reflects the nutrition of the produce, and the better nutrition it is the better it feeds our body and the fat storage genes can get turned off. The wonderful heath that can be had from such a diet is well worth pursuing no matter if we have health issues or not, since the anti aging and anti disease properties of nutrient dense raw food is so great it can potentially lead to almost unheard of benefits. Extreme athletic ability and who knows how old one can get. The most extreme example is of Li Ching-Yuen of China. A few others have done similar. One man made it to 132 and died of a trail riding accident (not his official age, just the best guess of his last wife) and a man in Europe who died at 152 when his died changed back to normal cooked with meat. (he was eating all raw out of just personal convenience, because he hated to cook, and when his wife died he just quit cooking his food) None really official because birth document doesn't exist on any of them, they were born in places and times when birth documents were not done. A young man in AU went on a raw diet and built endurance very rapidly until he could run 100 miles a day several days on end. And that on only 500 calories a day. It seems once our body adapts to running on raw food it runs way more efficiently. Raw wheat grass juice has an extra special effect that way. But if one does it with commercial supplies of produce the maximum results may not be possible, a home grown nutrient dense diet with full mineral supply to the plant, and really healthy soil can actually develop B-12 in the plants and not need that for supplement either. 

I intend to go for it as a career and make my living with mainly greenhouse production of produce. But it's taking much time and work to get there. Since I have aged parents to help my brother care for, (who are not willing to eat right in order to stay alive and healthy, too old and mentally run down to understand why even) striving to get a house finished building. But when that's done I'll be starting on a greenhouse system with the aim to heat it really cheap on independent power of some kind. Only way I can really make it work is to have operating expense really low. I believe this is the real solution to poor health and excess weight problems. As well as ridding oneself of any disease known to man. I've heard many cases of cancer being beat by such a diet, and even a few cases of AIDS being knocked off. One young woman I read about in Canada came down with some rare African disease which was deemed incurable by the medical profession, she got pretty sick nigh unto death before her own research uncovered the benefits of the raw diet, she started it and in 6 months was completely cured. Yep. I'm going to do it myself, all the wonderful tropical fruits I could grow in greenhouses would be an amazingly delicious and satisfying diet, along with all the usual garden produce. I've had my home grow tomatoes so delicious they where a real taste sensation to enjoy, I want a continuous supply of them, and plenty to share.


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## #1 WV BonBonQueen (Sep 16, 2018)

Fire-Man said:


> I know several that have had their stomach stapled, Lost a lot of weight---Most---to only gain it all back in a few years because of their eating habits. They were looking for the simple way. I feel looking for a good diet and stick with it would work better, But I am a Man. BUT I chose to loose weight, by lightly cutting back and slowing cutting back a little more. I lost 50lbs in 22 weeks eating the same foods as I always had---just less. I still drink pepsi's---usually just 1 a day instead of 15. Eat steaks, and potato's, garlic bread, hamburgers, rice and gravy, eat the same as before---just smaller amounts. The weight came off slow. After loosing all I wanted to loose---My mind was trained on this is the amount I can eat. If I had of had to drink diet drinks, weight watcher meals---I would have never lost the weight.


YES, everything in Moderation, a good Motto. We sometimes forget that is the best way to handle what our bodies need.
Hope it all works out and She does decide to not have the surgery, but learns Moderation in all things.


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## ShannonR (Nov 28, 2012)

big rockpile said:


> I have a sign in my room.
> 
> If a man is alone in the forest with no women to hear him. Is he still wrong?
> 
> big rockpile


In a word... yes.


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## Jlynnp (Sep 9, 2014)

#1 WV BonBonQueen said:


> Just wondering if your wife has tried other methods of weight loss, like Weight Watchers, or Jenny Craig? I do know of a person who was going to have this done, she had to go to a support group, try for 6 months to lose weight in other ways.
> 
> I for one have had the surgery and am VERY glad I had it done. I had a very good surgeon and I was required to go through a pre surgery program before I was approved for surgery. Just because you can lose a small amount of weight before surgery does not mean you will keep it off. The surgery is a tool, one of many you will need to use to be successful with permanent weight loss. Yes I tried a huge laundry list of diets both fads and the programs such as WW, none of which worked or even addressed the root of the problem. It was only through education, surgery and months of follow up with the staff at the bariatric center I used that I was able to be successful. Rock your wife will need your support and encouragement not your put downs and snarky comments.


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## mnn2501 (Apr 2, 2008)

Weight loss surgery is only a tool, you still need to watch what you eat and exercise. Every fat person (me included) wants "The Magic Cure" there is no such thing!!


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## big rockpile (Feb 24, 2003)

Well I had a talk with her telling her my feelings and she still won't change her mind on this but like I told her she knows 100% how I feel.

Me maybe I'm just as crazy. I told her it is supposed to warm next week and I'm thinking of going Deer Hunting, does she need me? No. Ok fine I'm going, hopefully I won't get down, she said if I do she has someone to go get me.

big rockpile


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## big rockpile (Feb 24, 2003)

Well she had the surgery.

My BIL and his wife was there talking about how they was glad they had it done and was asking the Doctor how to lose more weight?

He told them to change their diet and exercise more. I'm thinking shouldn't they be doing this instead of the surgery?

My BIL sat in front of me and ate a bag of chips. 

big rockpile


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## Danaus29 (Sep 12, 2005)

Yes they should be getting more exercise and eating less or at least better than chips food. But many people simply do not have the willpower to eat less and claim they have no time to exercise more. Like I said before about my cousin, she had the surgery, lost nearly 100 pounds. Never changed her eating habits and has since gone back to her old eating routine and has gained most of the weight back. Only people who change their eating habits and exercise more have a successful long term outcome after stomach reduction surgery. I am surprised that doctors do not require surgical candidates to attend diet and exercise classes.


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