# A big mistake!



## hoggie (Feb 11, 2007)

Huh - I just got finished telling my Mum that I intend to pull DD out of school in the summer. In spite of the fact that only a few weeks ago, she said that she would help out (I was still working at the time) if we needed her to, she was furious.

She went REALLY quiet and said "I think you are making a big big mistake"

So much for the support. I know she will get over it, and once she sees that DD is ahppy she will be OK, but once again I re-examining every minute aspect of it.

Why do people feel you HAVE to follow the "norm" to be happy?

UGH

hoggie


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## Tracy Rimmer (May 9, 2002)

Welcome to homeschooling with family interaction, Hoggie. 

Honestly, it's been my experience that every home educating family, once they make the decision and start to tell people, find that the people they most expected to be behind them AREN'T and those they least expected support from are generally their biggest cheerleaders.

Ignore it. Once she sees how well your daughter does, she'll come around. Or she won't, and you'll have to work without her support on this. I've found that the only thing that works (and should only be used as a last resort) is to tell them that THEY got to raise their kids their way, now it's your turn to raise your kids YOUR way.


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## hoggie (Feb 11, 2007)

Thanks Tracy - aren't families fun ?

I think now, apart from one friend who I will tell this afternoon, and officially informing the school, I have told everyone that I feel that I need to tell personally. After that it is easy - people will gossip, decide amongst themselves that I am a total fruitcake (which they always knew anyway) and some of them "might" ask me about it LOL.

A couple of people have surprised me by being completely behind me which was nice.

But i guess people always want to have a say in how everyone else does things - and my family still very much think they should be able to run my life (it's a long story but I have learnt not to bother discussing things with them until I hav emade my mind up LOL)

Anyway - thanks for the support

hoggie


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## Sabrina67 (Mar 24, 2008)

We didn't tell many people, mainly because we don't see alot of people. But my parents knew and were supportive. I was working at the time and it was really hard, and my co-workers weren't supportive at all ! They always had some negative remark. It didn't help that I worked for the school system . But I felt it was the right thing to do for my child . It is hard sometimes, even when you go to town on a school day and people are asking why he isn't in school....people you don't even know. When he says he is home schooled, some people ask why he isn't home...grrrr Seems some people like it better when everyone is the same.


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## mpillow (Jan 24, 2003)

We went thru something similar...

But the tune is changing after the people see the bullying videos on TV and hear about the cheating in schools and the lack of innocence among the kids....and our test scores are just as decent as our children are in appearance and personality.


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## hoggie (Feb 11, 2007)

Told my friend this afternoon and, while she said that she would support us as ultimately I had to do what I thought was right for dd, it appears that by pulling her out of school, I will be doing untold damage to her ability to socialise. This is because she needs to be able to learn to deal with situations on her own, and deal with other children who are her own age. She also has to learn to "get on with it" even though she is unhappy because that is what we have to do as adults 

I am starting to be so glad that I have made my decision - I think at 6 they still need an awful lot of guidance as to how to deal with "situations" 

Oh well - guess the hard bit's done LOL

hoggie


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## AngieM2 (May 10, 2002)

hoggie - do what you know it right for you and DD.

A small story - for the first 3 years my oldest ice skated and I worked at the rink to help pay - my parents - esp. my dad - would tell me how I was raising her expectations, and that she would be disappointed, etc, etc, etc. For 3 years I hear this off and on, for three years she gets better. Then at 12 yrs old, she passed some tests, and one of the young boys there age 14 needed a new ice dance partner. I was lucky as his dad was a millionaire and took over the payment of things. But we now were practicing more, at the rink about 5 days a week, etc. THEN, my dad and family all of the sudden decided it was good.

The story is, for 3 years I had to do it my way - and when it started showing nice results, it was a great thing and I started having help with getting her to lessons, etc.

Hang in there, and sooner or later, when they see the results, it will be amazing how smart you are/were in doing this.

Angie


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## ozarkcat (Sep 8, 2004)

hoggie said:


> Told my friend this afternoon and, while she said that she would support us as ultimately I had to do what I thought was right for dd, it appears that by pulling her out of school, I will be doing untold damage to her ability to socialise. This is because she needs to be able to learn to deal with situations on her own, and deal with other children who are her own age. She also has to learn to "get on with it" even though she is unhappy because that is what we have to do as adults


Oh, please - the homeschooled kids I've dealt with are much more mature and respectful than children educated in the public school system. They're not mean, cliquish, etc., and have genuine interest in learning. 

I attended a public school all my growing up years - the treatment I received there made me hesitant to trust ANYBODY! It's something I still haven't gotten over; I still tend to be very shy and cautious of people I don't know well. This certainly isn't a sign of good socialization! On the bright side, there are a lot of wonderful people on HT that are slowly making me come out of my shell a bit more :grouphug:


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## harplade (Jul 14, 2005)

we've homeschooled dd since she was 5 (she is 12 now). My f-in-law, who has a dr. in education, told us recently that he only agreed with about 5% of homeschooling and that was the fact that my daughter got to travel to Europe with her father for an extended visit. He (purposely?) ignores all of the other cool things that she gets to do and the neat person that she is b/c she can converse with many people on many different subjects.

So all that to say, you may never win over some of them, just got to do what's right for you and your family.


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## Sonshine (Jul 27, 2007)

We went through disapproval from my in laws and my son's foster parents. (he's adopted) But now everyone agrees that our DS wouldn't be as far along as he is if he had been in public school.


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## Ernie (Jul 22, 2007)

It gets better. My parents were both disapproving of our decision to homeschool, however my wife and I were in a position that we didn't need their help nor their approval. Years later they finally accepted our decision.


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## The Monkey Mama (Mar 30, 2008)

I think homeschooled kids are their own best defense. We've been homeschooling for 4 years now [my oldest is 9] and when we started, *everyone* was so negative about it - we got so much garbage from our families, it was unbelievable. 

4 years later and several VERY bright, well spoken, well behaved children later, and most of our family now *promote* homeschool and brag about how awesome it is. 

It is also becoming more popular, and now people seldom raise an eyebrow when they hear we homeschool, where as even 4 years ago it was much less heard of and more cause for 'scandal'. 

Good luck - you'll never regret it.  

Kelly


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## harplade (Jul 14, 2005)

one of my in-laws arguments for sending my daughter to school is that she would enjoy the athletics. B/c my m-in-law played basketball, she thinks my daughter would love that. 
But dd rides horses and whenever we converse about it, my thoughts are I know alot of older people who ride horses, pass on their love to younger people through teaching, etc and I've never heard of an adult basketball league where 60 year olds are still running up and down the court. 
My husband and I often say we hope that we can let our children live their lives with our blessing rather than need them to do it how we did. Think we can do it?


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## Karen (Apr 17, 2002)

Went through it too. Even after homeschooling all my children and foster children, who all scored in highest percentile on SATs; one daughter excepted to both Harvard and Yale; several disabled children who have changed into productive and happy children; etc., etc., etc.......

Until the day my parents passed away, they still thought it was a horrible decision for me to homeschool. I still go through it with my brothers and other relatives.

It's easy to say, just ignore them; but in real life it isn't at all that easy. It's sometimes heartbreaking and stirs up anger in you that you didn't even know you had! But the thing is, as much as you love your Mum and wish for her approval and support, your child is your top priority - not your Mum. You have to do what you know is best for your child. That's your job! 

Don't ask me why people get so riled about homeschooling. I've never understood it, and don't understand the reasons they give for disapproving. Personally, I feel it's none of their business anyway...LOL. Parents of grown children don't get a say-so in their lives any longer. What they do get to do is support you in your decisions. I think parents don't understand that and think that just because they love their children and grandchildren, they still have the privilege of butting in. :help:

The only thing you can do is draw a line in the sand and let your Mum know you love her and respect her opinion. But this is something you NEED to do. Ask her to please be supportive, or in the very least, not make it an issue that will cause division or undermind your obligation in rasiing your child; nor your relationship with your Mum. Bless your heart for taking your child's education and happiness so seriously. Stay strong!


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## hoggie (Feb 11, 2007)

Thank you all. 

I don't know why it is such a surprise to me to find that people are going to disapprove, considering how much everyone has tried to dissuade me in the past. 

I find it quite scary just HOW ingrained the whole school thing is. I pointed out to my friend how artificial and RECENT an invention school was, and she didn't have an answer. 


The other thing that kind of worries me is that people are so easy about their kids being unhappy. Time again I hear "oh all kids are unhappy" "no kids like school" or "she's got to learn to do things she doesn't like"

I wonder what the responses will be in 20 years time "oh, so her husband is beating her, she'll just have to put up with it" 

What happened to wanting our kids to be happy. My mother is also convincecd that by homeschooling her I will be denying her opportunities later in life. When I asked what she meant she said well what if she wants to go to college or be a Dr. I pointed out that she was quite able to take exams as a homeschooled pupil and she just puled a face and said I wouldn't be able to teach her all the subjects she would need.

I just give up I think. I spoke to one of DD's Godfathers last night and he at least is behind us (shame he is in a different country LOL) but was very supportive and said he is there if we need any help 

Anyway - thanks again everyone for the support - I really need it from all angles at the moment LOL

hoggie


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## The Monkey Mama (Mar 30, 2008)

"Oh, all kids are unhappy"?!??? This person obviously doesn't know any homeschooled kids! LOL!

We are part of a HUGE homeschool group in our area and all the kids are "happy", sweet, polite, well mannered and smart as they can be. 

I had to laugh about the grandma worried about basketball - depending on where you are in the world, many communities have organized homeschool sports now. My kids participate in Homeschool Soccer, Homeschool Baseball, and Homeschool band. 

Any other objections folks?! LOL!

Kelly


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## hoggie (Feb 11, 2007)

LOL Kelly - I am never quite sure whether I find it funny or sad, that everyone always comes up with exactly the same arguments but they are all totally convinced that their arguments are totally original and they are the "one" that will manage to convince you 

I have to say though, that one of the disadvantages of where I live is that there are NO other homeschoolers at all. So there is no possibility of a co-op or anything like that.

hoggie


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## momof3boys3cats (Apr 23, 2008)

Where would I find out the " rules" and guidelines for homeschooling. My oldest will be in 3rd grade, my middle son is only 3 and my youngest is 1. My oldest HATES going to school. He is a little scrawny and alot taller than all the other kids in his class. He made the honor roll the last 9 weeks. His cousin does homeschooling and I mentioned homeschooling to my mom and she went irate saying how it would be a horrible idea. She has been a public school teacher for 30 years. Can anyone tell me some good and bad of homeschooling before I make the big decision.


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