# Singles....Why Internet Seeking and not Locally?



## moonwolf (Sep 20, 2004)

Don't know if anyone has actually brought up such
A question.....but why put in so much effort seeking 
some possible mate ( if THAT is your intent) so far away
via the Internet, if there are possible contact locally closer?

Here is why I ask...and it intrigues me....a fellow worker 
met up someone far away in Asia...he spent gobs of time
and money to go meet her there, and she ended up moving
here to marry....so far they are okay....
He was local born and raised....married twice to local
ladies before seeking overseas...

I'll be honest and say I interacted on the Internet with
persons of interest of the oposite sex in farther than 'local'
I may never meet them...or want to! But who knows these things?....
as Alexandros would say.... Lol

I almost can't imagine if I didn't know someone locally
who had gone so much out of the way to meet someone.
:shrug:


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

The point of internet dating is to exclude distance to find a good match. 
Local would be great but finding the right match at the same time is better.


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## moonwolf (Sep 20, 2004)

Interesting....I would probably have better luck 
from chatting up someone coming in the door at
my workplace...a big store...and many rural types come in
if I were interested in a 'country girl'. Not only that, but
enough are around from somewhere else, not local bred...
So, I guess it's the opportunity of the technology not being
face to face that interest those folk....
Interesting thing is the guy mentioned could easily found another
local district girl if he wanted to.....more exposure and outgoing
than I'd ever be.....interesting....interesting.....


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Well one reason I look beyond Okla, is that there are no small farms in this part of Okla that I ak aware of. There are in upper states, Kans, Neb, Ia, Mos, Ark, Ill, and so on. Bad thing about that is, If they want to see their family, and they surely would want to sooner or later, than its a trip of hundreds of miles. I went through that with my folks, and then with my kids, which is why I am here. I H A T E TO TRAVEL


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

All dating only exists in the real world , be it your local area or a destination to which you chose to initially vacation at even if later you decide to relocate.

The internet is nothing more than a tool of introduction as the telephone call initiated by friends , pen pal clubs as our school teachers used to set up, travel brochures etc.

When I was actively dating I only further pursued relationships with women who understood the internet was simply a limited tool of introduction and I avoided the women who felt they had to be jacked in online constantly.

Of the couple dozen women I gained introduction to via the internet, once we were in real world contact because we weren't internet dating , we were real life local dating.

Sometimes it was local for me and vacation destination for them or the other way around depending on which of us road tripped for us to meet or we both vacation destination dated at a location approximately halfway between us.

Playing and having text published online may be an amusing way to kill some time but when it comes to dating , it has to be face to face in a place that is local to someone or at least a pleasing get away locale.

Singles who dwell on "internet dating" without realizing it is simply the telephone party line type introduction tool of this century are more likely to continue to find themselves still alone and feeling as if something in their life is missing in the best case and in the worse case they often find themselves victimized by stalkers, catfishers or other con artists at a much higher rate than in real life.

The internet can serve purpose as introduction, sorting out some aspects of past failed relationships and evaluate potential new directions however ultimately for anyone to enjoy the pleasure of dating they must eventually go back out into their local dating environment or a vacation destination dating environment and do their relationship sorting in real life as we all have since we first discovered the flu like symptoms of romance.


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## Huckleberrie (Sep 23, 2015)

The dating pool is extremely limited for what I require.


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## painterswife (Jun 7, 2004)

Met and got to know my husband on the internet. Married almost 16 years. Lived 1200 miles apart. Found the right person who was at the same stage in life that I was. If I had met someone locally that would have been great but it would not have been him and not so perfect for me.


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## Huckleberrie (Sep 23, 2015)

One more obstacle, men want young. Every single woman I know offline says the same thing.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Although mom was 10yrs older than dad, Id have to agree with both your last postings.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

maybe its mens way of trying to be the dominant part of the pair, and of course, theres the visual, but thinking about it, that's not true either, at my last. Guys generally get married in their early 20s, OR USED TO. Women in their twentys and thirtys look much sexier than girls in their teens. AND THERE SMARTER. That may be why men avoid same age partners or older. They don't like the threat of having someone as smart or seemingly smarter than they. When men are twice that age and older, I think they get over that,


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

moonwolf said:


> Don't know if anyone has actually brought up such
> A question.....but why put in so much effort seeking
> some possible mate ( if THAT is your intent) so far away
> via the Internet, if there are possible contact locally closer?


Oodles of reasons.

They want someone 1/2 their age, that will worship the ground they walk on, so they seek 'over seas' ladies who want out of their country/situation so bad they would marry anyone.

They have 'created' this online persona (that is nothing like who they are in real life) and 'bait that hook' to reel in a catch.

They have found that creating an online persona is easier than real life.
Easier to be 'who they want'. Easier to 'deceive'.

Then sometimes it just happens.......you meet someone in a land far far away (could be the next state, or a world apart) and things click?



> Here is why I ask...and it intrigues me....a fellow worker
> met up someone far away in Asia...he spent gobs of time
> and money to go meet her there, and she ended up moving
> here to marry....so far they are okay....
> ...


Call me lazy.
Call me cynical.
Call me inexperienced.......
But.
I would never 'fall in love' on line because I am very much a body language reader. 
How they act, how they treat others, what little things tick them off, what little things bring them joy (i have to see that w/ my eyes).
The pitch and tone of their voice. Meet their family, their neighbors.

I don't think I could chat someone up on line for a day or a year, and develop "feelings" with a screen or printed words.....even skype or face time. It's just 'not real' to me.






moonwolf said:


> Interesting....I would probably have better luck
> from chatting up someone coming in the door at
> my workplace...a big store...and many rural types come in
> if I were interested in a 'country girl'. Not only that, but
> ...


I am coming to grips w/ the fact I will probably be alone for the rest of my life.
I am one of the dinosaurs that still roam the earth, and want to meet someone in real life......
The longer I am on my own, and I don't like it, the more I adjust myself to BE alone. 

What I want in life, seems no one else does..............


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## painterswife (Jun 7, 2004)

Laura Zone 10 said:


> Oodles of reasons.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


You don't fall in love with them on line. You spend the time getting to know them, If you spend the time you can become very good friends without the "chemical attraction" thing getting in the way. Then you meet them in person and see if you can take it farther.

Yes some people think they are in love but more often than not they are lonely and somewhat needy and jump the gun on all relationships, virtual or local.


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## oneraddad (Jul 20, 2010)

I fell in love with a young voice from England over the phone 25 years ago. After being dumped by the first wife just months earlier, it felt really nice.


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## reneedarley (Jun 11, 2014)

Laura Zone 10 said:


> Oodles of reasons.
> 
> They want someone 1/2 their age, that will worship the ground they walk on, so they seek 'over seas' who want out of their country/situation
> 
> ...


That is why I chose Twp. Tom :rock:


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## Bottleneck (Apr 22, 2014)

well, i don't look very far away in comparison, maybe 100 miles or so. but mostly because there is literally only 3 single girls, my age group, in the 20 mile radius. and I work with them.

also, I don"t really do the club scene, and stuff i do tends to attract people 10-20 years my senior. doesn't leave many options.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

your last, I found also 20yrs ago. Doubt if id have that problem nowadays. Anybody 10/20yrs older than me is likely in a home, IN HOME, or leaves by 8 lol


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## offgridlocked (Oct 22, 2015)

I homestead in a region with very low population density and pickins' -to put it mildly and facetiously- are slim. My original hopes with looking online were that I could outline who I was, what I was looking for and what I was doing with my life- and find someone to whom it was appealing(and vice versa). 

Thus far, it's proving more a playground for people who are dissatisfied with their lives or not getting enough attention from a significant other.

Hi FarmboyBill... I'm down in S/E OK.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Hi grid. U say the women are slim pickins. They aren't here. For the most part. there FAR from slim LoL


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## cfuhrer (Jun 11, 2013)

When I met my husband online I was working a sixty hour a week professional/office job and taking care of a ten acre sheep ranch (almost single handly).

He was working sixty hours a week and his days off were Tuesday and Wednesday. 

Neither of us was into the club/bar scene.

But I agree with shrek - online dating really should be called online meeting because there is a certain amount that has to be done in person for the whole thing to work.


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## Bottleneck (Apr 22, 2014)

offgridlocked said:


> Thus far, it's proving more a playground for people who are dissatisfied with their lives or not getting enough attention from a significant other.


That's no joke. It seems that most the profiles talk about what's wrong in their life, rather than what's right. I tend to turn away such profiles just because they are so negative.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Im only looking at anybody who writes a letter. Looking at who likes you on FO means that somebody has looked your looks and or profile, and that's that. I get many of them every day. I did it when I first joined, looking at pics and liking or not their looks. Didn't know then how to access profiles to the pics, but, I quit looking.


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## offgridlocked (Oct 22, 2015)

I tried F-Only... be wary. The paid membership is misleading. After you pay a membership you find out that you have to upgrade again to 'gold' status for the people you can now contact to message you back- unless they also are a premium member.


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## CircleStarRanch (Dec 24, 2010)

Internet dating (and it's older counterpart, classifieds) can be useful for meeting others. I met my wife of 8 years on the 'net. The whole issue comes down to being honest in your introductory plug for yourself. Something like this may or may not work for you, mileage will vary:

_I love holding hands and long sunset walks,
The smell of freshly mown hay, a cooling summer rain,
and poking dead things with a stick._

- Dutch


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## Bellyman (Jul 6, 2013)

I met my wife on the internet. I wasn't really looking at her as a potential mate at the time but that's how we met. It started as casual emails, then moved to phone calls. Several months later, we met in person and were married shortly thereafter.

One thing about an internet relationship, it puts off some of the awkward stuff until you (if you're honest with each other, that is) know each other a little better. Over the internet, there's no worry over "do I try to hold her hand", "is it too soon for a kiss", "will she like my friends or I like her friends", "what if...". It takes a lot of that stuff out of the equation and you can just talk. Then when you meet, you're not strangers anymore, you're meeting someone you already know. Again, it's only if you're both honest to start with.

For us it worked out great! Married 14-1/2 years and enjoying it very much!


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

offgrid, Yeah, Im on there also. Don't hold out much hope over it tho


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## Allen W (Aug 2, 2008)

Laura Zone 10 said:


> Oodles of reasons.
> 
> They want someone 1/2 their age, that will worship the ground they walk on, so they seek 'over seas' ladies who want out of their country/situation so bad they would marry anyone.
> 
> ...


I don't know if T still has his or not. He was hoping his parents would pay to get her over here and they could live in his bedroom. That would only be until she got a job and made enough they could move out.


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## offgridlocked (Oct 22, 2015)

I still hold enough 'hope' that the web is a viable alternative to the (lack of) local dating pool. 

I have myself listed like a piece of meat on what? Half a dozen sites? Homesteading, prepper, farming, organic- thinking it's specialized enough to find someone of my own ilk. The member-base is pretty small on most of them and my personal experience with 'farmers only' was that most users are the same as on the free sites or they had this weird hollywood image of 'farm/rural living'. I had been balked at more than once for being 'too far from Walmart or Starbucks'.

Even a few who seemed amazed that I didn't visit the grocery store but maybe twice a month.

In the 'real world', I'm an anomaly. Actually having a desire to get 'back to the land' or raise my own food and live in a responsible, ethical way- the cost being my entire lifestyle revolves around it, all the extra labor, etc... appeals to a very select crowd. Let's face it. Facebook, drive-thru windows and box-store shopping are the standard. Chickens and horses to most folk are glorified pets and how many of the general populous would do anything but panic if they weren't bound to a routine of 9-5 workdays and blissful ignorance to the rewards of a life so many of us have found or always known?

What are the alternatives but to hunt online and hope someone like you is out there doing the same?

Sorry for the ramble... I don't have a lot of humans to talk to and the dogs just agree with everything I say as long as they get fed.


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## Raeven (Oct 11, 2011)

I don't find the 'either/or' choices posited by the OP to be mutually exclusive. Personally, I can keep an eye out in both places and have no problem doing so. As I told someone recently, I am never and always looking for the right person with whom to share my life. I have no interest in forcing a relationship, but neither do I discount the potential in anyone I may meet either in my day-to-day goings on or in my online travels. Each way of meeting someone poses its own special set of challenges.

In general, I prefer online interactions for the reasons mentioned by *painterswife*. I much prefer getting to know a friend first. If that works, the rest may or may not follow. Can't tell till you meet 'em. And I agree too with those who have said that it depends entirely on the extent to which people are utterly honest about who they are and what they want.

As many here know (and are probably sick of hearing), my late husband and I traversed half a globe to be together. The relationship was so right, it was easy. Not fun (the getting-together part was not fun -- the relationship was lots of fun!), not simple, but easy -- because we had no other choice but to be together. That's the relationship I want.

*offgridlocked*, I wish you success in your quest. Lots of us on this site are not what you are after because we are geezers, but you're a cutie and a half with clear eyes. I hope you find that awesome homesteading woman! There are some excellent prospects on this site, but do take your time and get to know them well. There are some serious game players around. That's the best advice I've got for you.

Incidentally, I detest formal dating sites. They are the epitome of superficial, so far as I'm concerned. The men that interest me are the ones who enjoy a nice long conversation above all else. The rest takes care of itself... or it doesn't, and it's ok either way when you're truly friends first.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Had someone on FO flirt with me. Said she was 38. I said, Do you realize im 68 yrs old?


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## FarmerJoe (Nov 14, 2009)

> Had someone on FO flirt with me. Said she was 38. I said, Do you realize im 68 yrs old?


 Maybe she has unresolved daddy issues. Or just wants a sugar daddy! lol


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

She hasn't replied back. Id bet FO just put her in a herd of women and said that they had LIKED me.


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## Huckleberrie (Sep 23, 2015)

offgridlocked said:


> Thus far, it's proving more a playground for people who are dissatisfied with their lives or not getting enough attention from a significant other.


Every single guy I have met online has had someone (or more) on the side. Playground is a good word for internet dating.

Update: I have met a nice boy offline. I don't know how far it will go but he is of 100x better quality than anyone I have met online. I met him through an event while participating in a hobby of mine.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

yes, but is he into homesteading/gardening/farming??


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## Huckleberrie (Sep 23, 2015)

FarmboyBill said:


> yes, but is he into homesteading/gardening/farming??


Yes and no. He would like to but can't because he works 10-12 hours a day. Considering what is out there on the market, I am satisfied.


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## coolrunnin (Aug 28, 2010)

FarmboyBill said:


> yes, but is he into homesteading/gardening/farming??


Why, you want to date him?


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

No, not really lol. I was just thinking that Huck said she had met him due to them both liking the same hobby. I was thinking about the above poster who married a guy she likely met under the same pretense, and because of that they got married and then she found out he hated homesteading, and split.
I might have been able to meet a couple gals on here who were into the SCA. That BY FAR wasn't reason enough for me to be interested in them. They didn't talk about their homesteading, just there involvement in the SCA, so I didn't carry it on.


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## susieneddy (Sep 2, 2011)

I met Susie online and it has worked out great for us. We had spent hours talking on the phone before we met for the first time. She lived in another state and after that first meeting it just worked out. After that weekend we spent the next 8-9 months driving back and forth to see each other every weekend no matter how bad the weather was

Before I met Susie I tried meeting women that were local to me. After you exhaust that search you start widening out your search area. Then that area gets larger and larger until the whole US is your search area.

I know some men do want women younger but believe me women do the same thing.


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## offgridlocked (Oct 22, 2015)

Huckleberrie, best of luck to you and your new find.

I still hold out hope for the web- to my own detriment possibly but still feel it's my only option these days. 

Seems SurvivalistSingles is down... that one was/is free but mostly peopled with more extreme end of the world types- a lot of whom are a bit beyond my scope. 

Any other sites you guys are using? I've tried FarmersOnly, GreenSingles, SurvivalistSingles, etc...


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Ned, I hate to travel. I would expect, IF I found someone in another state, that they would want to visit their kids and grandkids often, and id be expected to go along. That's why im only looking around here, but since this is all ranch country, I aint having any luck with that either.


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

I didn't read everyone's answer. The reason I used online dating was because I was a mom, with kids at home.

I couldn't go hang out or cruise main street, or whatever. 
I had to be at home.
I met a guy the next town over. (I was looking local, but I did get regular notices from 2 particular males - one from Utah and a mormon (so he said) and another from Fl, I think.


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## sherry in Maine (Nov 22, 2007)

I will say the man I am with now I emailed for a while, before meeting.
When I met him, he didn't strike me as particularly 'sexy' 'handsome' or 'perfect'.
He was very nervous (and has add ) and jumpy.
We talked more by email, then met again.
There are things about him that I find attractive. He is a very sweet kind man. That is also attractive.


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## Huckleberrie (Sep 23, 2015)

sherry in Maine said:


> There are things about him that I find attractive. He is a very sweet kind man. That is also attractive.


Does that not go far? Players got the swag but they are such garbage to even consider for a serious relationship. There comes a time in life where being a gentleman is sexy. I am being courted. I didn't think these guys existed.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I think that a lot of women think theybe been played with when, in order to nail a guy down towards commitment, they give out the goodies faster than hes comfortable with, and he splits. I would think that usually, these types have not much in common to begin with, so she gives sex to bridge the gap. Im sure that happens with men also.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

FarmboyBill said:


> I think that a lot of women think theybe been played with when, in order to nail a guy down towards commitment, they give out the goodies faster than hes comfortable with, and he splits. I would think that usually, these types have not much in common to begin with, so she gives sex to bridge the gap. Im sure that happens with men also.



That seems silly. 
You can check sexual compatibility. Pretty fast. I'd want to check that out right after visibility compatibility and while doing the long hard work of personality compatibility. 

It just doesn't make sense to do it any other way.


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

FarmboyBill said:


> I think that a lot of women think theybe been played with when, in order to nail a guy down towards commitment, they give out the goodies faster than hes comfortable with, and he splits. I would think that usually, these types have not much in common to begin with, so she gives sex to bridge the gap. Im sure that happens with men also.



I'm not sure you are equipped to speak to a woman's motivation to " give out the goodies." I can only speak for myself and my reasons for having sex usually are I like the guy and I wanted to. Hate to break it to you, but there are women who like sex just for the sake of sex and not as an ulterior motive to capture some poor hapless man lol


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## Huckleberrie (Sep 23, 2015)

offgridlocked said:


> Maybe I'm getting old...
> 
> Sexual compatibility is a lot lower on my list than it used to be, though I guess it's in there somewhere. Do other men really get uncomfortable if 'the goods are given' right out of the box(possible pun)? Given my own experience, time-frame for consummation of a relationship seemed to have no bearing on it's duration.
> 
> But then again... I forgot what 'sex' actually means... it has something to do with getting in trouble and sleeping on the couch(again), right?



Plus a woman can always train a man. It's not like they know what they are doing. :shrug::


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

Huckleberrie said:


> Plus a woman can always train a man. It's not like they know what they are doing. :shrug::


Too old to put on clinics, do 'on the job training', or play teacher.......

Show me something I've never seen........

I could have sex w/ a different man, every day, for the rest of my life, and it's just sex.

Makin' love is on my radar.
Two people who, like a red and blue candle in an oven, melt together to form a whole new color; when they are breathing each others breath, when the two truly become one......when you are so lost in each other you lose all concept of time. 

Yeah.....amateurs need not apply.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Train a man huh huck , heh heh heh


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

"And in just seven days I can make you a man!"


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Heck it took Uncle Sam longer than that, and that's what his reps said theyed do lol


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