# Hilarious First Date Disasters That Will Make You Laugh



## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

So you think you might want to start dating again...really?

Hilarious First Date Disasters That Will Make You Laugh
My personal description:
Dating; only for the really bored, brave or ... add your own, I'll keep my real opinion in my head.

Run Time 10:03


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## HDRider (Jul 21, 2011)

Some were funny, some were sad, some were scary


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## Summerdaze7 (May 13, 2018)

That was hilarious! 
On my first date with the x, I had dressed up in a pretty little dress, heels, etc, and was very nervous. As I went to cut the first bite of my steak, the bite managed to stay on the fork while the whole steak slid into my lap, making a horrible mess down the front of my dress!! I was mortified!


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## emdeengee (Apr 20, 2010)

Funny and yet some were very sad. The one rule I followed and passed on was that a first date with someone you don't know well should never be dinner but just coffee. Dinner takes too long if you discover that you are not interested or suspect that they may be on the very odd spectrum.


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## frogmammy (Dec 8, 2004)

Not a date, but....

I was in my 20's and my girlfriend wanted me to out with her, to a local bar, so she could dance. Ok, no problem. I don't dance but ok, I enjoy watching.

She met a guy she liked, and soon she brought him and his work buddy over to the booth. She and dance partner took off to dance and left me with the buddy. Ok, we talked. Don't guess he could dance either.

Soon becomes apparent that she and dance partner have disappeared. Meanwhile, Buddy is sitting there with his right hand in a fist, hitting into opposite palm. Then he asks me, "What would you do if I hit you"? I reply, "Probably kill you. Why do you ask"?

Turns out he believes his girlfriend is cheating on him, why he left Louisiana and came to Texas. We have a good long talk about how sometimes, things look way more bad than they actually are, and hey, if she's a _____, wouldn't you rather find out NOW than get married and have to pay child support for someone else's kids? Told him to talk to her and find out if they were a couple, splitsville , or just every now and then a couple, and then count his blessings no matter HOW it went. Stuff along those lines.

Couple hours later I tell him I have to leave, got work in the morning. He mentions he came with his friend and since friend and my friend aren't back, he probably will have to walk home. So I offer to give him a ride. Yeah, I know.

Get to where he's staying and he's slow getting out of the car, so tell him I really need to go. He thanks me for talking with him, helping see his options, maybe he over reacted, and hey, could he kiss me?

Well. Told him I thought he was a nice guy, good looking, obviously a hard worker, and nice to talk to, BUT...we just met and I REALLY don't feel I know you well enough for a kiss. I WOULD like to shake your hand though!

He says, "Shake my hand"?

I reply, sure, I just don't know you well enough for a kiss.

So, he shakes my hand, gets out of the car and I wish him well.

Three days later my no-good girlfriend shows up and asks, "What did you do to him"?

The guy disappeared, didn't pick up his last paycheck, get his deposit back from the landlord, didn't talk to anyone, just GONE. Never knew what happened to him.

Life is mysterious sometimes.

Mon


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## Redlands Okie (Nov 28, 2017)

How about the first time out with your date and going to a establishment you have never been in before. Only to be seated a few tables away from a table with two past experiences setting at it............. gees.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I once took my stead at that time 66 to a drive in. I went at intermission to get us drinks. I got a big tall cup of some kind of yellowish soda. I handed hers in to her, but when I went to hand her mine, it hit the top of the door and spilled all over my crotch. I got in and squirmed through the rest of the night taking sips from her drink. When we got to her house, her mom insisted on me taking off my slacks and underwear which had turned yellowish by that time and she washed them. Wanted me to take a bath, but I didn't go that.


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## [email protected] (Sep 16, 2009)

my cousin and I took two girls from the other high school to a drive in movie. every little while they would get out of the car and go talk to some of their friends. then come back and repeat the procedure again.
finally my cousin says, enough !! starts the car and we leave.. those two girls ended up heading for home, about 6 miles away.. luckily my brother came along and recognized one of them. gave them a ride home.
58 years later, I am still married to one of them..


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## Oregon1986 (Apr 25, 2017)

I don't envy anyone out there still dating trying to find "the one". I was horrible at dating! I was picky and straight to the point. Men rarely made it to second date. I had a lot of things on my list that just were not negotiable,luckily DH met every quality and then some.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

I realize that nobody is going to have a clue what to expect on a first date. After reading some of the cupups these guys did, I can say that I would have been in like Flynn with them after the experiences they narrated


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## IndyDave (Jul 17, 2017)

Oregon1986 said:


> I don't envy anyone out there still dating trying to find "the one". I was horrible at dating! I was picky and straight to the point. Men rarely made it to second date. I had a lot of things on my list that just were not negotiable,luckily DH met every quality and then some.


I have reached the point in life I just don't see a reason to bother.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Bill reported; "I once took my stead at that time 66 to a drive in. I went at intermission to get us drinks. I got a big tall cup of some kind of yellowish soda. I handed hers in to her, but when I went to hand her mine, it hit the top of the door and spilled all over my crotch
"
I was in a summer class in college after I got out of the army. There were several young school teachers there for summer classes, and one was a very hot brunette, just my ticket. I could tell she was interested too, so I asked her if she'd like to get some coffee at the student union after class. I spilled my coffee in my lap. That was the end of that. Fortunately there were more fish in that sea than fishermen, and some of them did not know what a goofball I was.

Bless her heart; one of them dumped me while I was out in the oil fields working, and on my return to school I found myself in a class with her. I started flirting with the gal on my right and bringing her cokes from the machine in the hall. She understood, played along without much interest but a good bit of curiosity. It took about two weeks, but it worked. The dumper was a darling, but not marriage material for me. She had one feature that stood out though; if she fell on her face her arms would not reach the ground.


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Not a first date but a hilarious near disaster after we started going steady and I had started letting her drive my muscle engine'd pick up especially when I had been drinking since I drank bourbon and she sipped Boone's like most of the girls then.

One of her ex boyfriends started trash talking her and I was getting ready to loosen his lugs with the extra leverage length lug wrench I had under the seat and she started screaming at me not to bash his skull in and she squealed my truck off and I barely had time to do a head first dive in the passenger door and get it closed as she hit the highway by the hangout parking lot.

As she topped 80 mph and I was begging her to slow down I heard the truck making a shrill whine sound and told her to slow down because something under the hood was seized.

Lucky for us there were no cops around because I looked back to see two of our 10 speed riding friends holding onto the side of the bed with one hand and steering their bikes with the other.

As I made her aware of our two wide eye passengers and she cooled down enough to slow from the 90 plus she was at, as we dropped to 50 and the bikes turned loose to bank off like fighters from a air formation off to a forked side road at the intersection we were passing.

The next day while at her house using rubbing compound to get the bike paint off the truck, she said she was sorry for putting our friends lives at risk.

I loved the look on her face when I told her that I had seen them that morning as I drove them and their 10 speeds to the bike shop 20 miles away and they weren't mad about it but I had to pay for wheel bearing and spoke repair but Tim said next time he saw her he wanted $25 for the new bicycle seat on his.

When she asked why he needed a new seat , I told her of the two , he was scared more and butt suctioned the vinyl cover and foam cushion off when she topped 70 and she was lucky he did charge her for the ER visit to get the blockage removed.


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## Oregon1986 (Apr 25, 2017)

IndyDave said:


> I have reached the point in life I just don't see a reason to bother.


Nothing wrong with going at it alone. I personally couldn't handle it because i'm a cuddler and affectionate person


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## IndyDave (Jul 17, 2017)

Oregon1986 said:


> Nothing wrong with going at it alone. I personally couldn't handle it because i'm a cuddler and affectionate person


I wouldnt say I am truly alone. The real empty spot I felt was not having children. I have a totally awesome 17 year old who has adopted me. She needs a dad and I need a purpose. It works out very well.


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## HermitJohn (May 10, 2002)

frogmammy said:


> Three days later my no-good girlfriend shows up and asks, "What did you do to him"?


Should told her you buried him out back.


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## emdeengee (Apr 20, 2010)

Not all are disasters but interesting none the less. I once had a very unexpected “first date” that lasted over 8 hours. On a plane coming home from Europe. A lovely young man was my seat partner – only two seats to a row in those days. 

That was the first time I ever recall a guy doing one of those comic double take looks and stumbling down the aisle. He returned with the stewardess and asked if I would mind if he changed seats and sat with me. She was very concerned that I would not be comfortable. I was only 16 at the time. I said I would not mind but he better behave himself. All the stewardesses and stewards kept checking up on us. It was like being under guard.

Amazing young man and we talked the whole time. Arrived exhausted. At the arrival terminal before he went off to customs he asked if he could call on my father. That was different but obviously from his culture.

And sure enough he did. My Dad liked him but told him not to contact me for 2 years and if he could stick to this then they would talk again. Dad knew that he would probably find someone else in that time. We wrote for many years after that but never met again and he did marry about 5 years later and by then I had found my guy as well.


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## Scott SW Ohio (Sep 20, 2003)

I responded to a personals ad in Cincinnati Magazine in 1990 and talked on the phone a couple times with Lee Ann, who seemed to like me well enough. When I asked to meet her for dinner she agreed and suggested a place called Zeno’s on her side of town. I followed her directions and found the place easily enough, but as I turned in to the parking lot I noticed weeds growing up thru the asphalt. Then I saw that the restaurant was boarded up, the “Zeno’s” sign hanging comically askew. It looked like nobody had been in the place since the Nixon administration. A classic brushoff, thinks I - she is surely whooping it up somewhere right now telling this story to her friends. I was sitting in my car in that forlorn parking lot, unsure what to do, when she rolled in. It turned out she had just had a mental hiccup, so we drove down the road to the Friendly’s and had dinner there instead. Many comic episodes later we got married, and we each are still finding ways to make the other scratch their head and wonder what they have gotten into.


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## snowlady (Aug 1, 2011)

Hubby and I had know each other for awhile before we dated but we hadn’t seen each other for about 6 months. He called in sick for our first date. Yep, that’s right, I got a call from HIS MOM, who I’d never met. Turns out, he was in the hospital diagnosed with diabetes. His doctor took one look at his labs and said to the hospital now, do not go home first. 29 years later, married for 27 of them, were still together and his mom is the best mother in law.


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## ridgerunner1965 (Apr 13, 2013)

I met a girl on the internet about 02, she didn't have a way to post a pic or a cell phone to send one. she said she wasn't ugly and i would not be disappointed.
I was skeptical to say the least. she wanted to meet at Walmart after her shift. she told me where she would be at what time.

I told her since I didn't know what she looked like to have a sign ready that said "hey im ….I and im looking for a date"

she recognized me right off and showed me the sign.

she was very pretty and we went out to dinner and then to a local hillbilly bar to play some pool. we ended up married for 2 years then divorced. 12 years later we got back together and will prob live out our lives together.


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## emdeengee (Apr 20, 2010)

snowlady said:


> Hubby and I had know each other for awhile before we dated but we hadn’t seen each other for about 6 months. He called in sick for our first date. Yep, that’s right, I got a call from HIS MOM, who I’d never met. Turns out, he was in the hospital diagnosed with diabetes. His doctor took one look at his labs and said to the hospital now, do not go home first. 29 years later, married for 27 of them, were still together and his mom is the best mother in law.




In a nice way your first date was an introduction to his mom and the best mother-in-law. I have never been nervous about a date but meeting parents is another thing altogether. I bet there are some great stories out there. My Dad was terrible to dates who came to the house to pick us up and we were not allowed to go out with anyone until they had been vetted. The funny thing was that although he really enjoyed himself torturing the dates and they were terrified of him it was really my Mom that they should have been aware of.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

My first serious love affair was almost an accident. I was working in a mental institution and late one night the head nurse mentioned that she was going to clean house on Saturday because all her family was going to a big air show and she'd be alone. I grinned at her and winked, and she turned in a huff and stalked off.

About an hour later she came walking down the hall and asked if I'd like to join her for steaks on Saturday evening. That lasted until I left school and had to live far away. I lost track of her for almost fifty years.

About ten years ago, after my wife died, I drove up into Missouri and put a footstone on her grave. "Kind, Gentle, Loving and Beloved"

Sometimes a man thinks he is given more than he deserves. I have had the great good fortune to have never been associated with a mean -spirited woman.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

#2 ONLY was mine


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Chuck, Sounds like we both looked for the same things in girls when young lol


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

LOL, Bill? Steaks?


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

no, girls who if falling forward wouldn't hit their hands LOL


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Yeah, Bill; I never again dated a woman with so much to offer. Sweet girl, too but I just did not see how we could make it work. I hope she married well and had ten good kids.


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## AmericanStand (Jul 29, 2014)

emdeengee said:


> Not all are disasters but interesting none the less. I once had a very unexpected “first date” that lasted over 8 hours. On a plane coming home from Europe. A lovely young man was my seat partner – only two seats to a row in those days.
> 
> That was the first time I ever recall a guy doing one of those comic double take looks and stumbling down the aisle. He returned with the stewardess and asked if I would mind if he changed seats and sat with me. She was very concerned that I would not be comfortable. I was only 16 at the time. I said I would not mind but he better behave himself. All the stewardesses and stewards kept checking up on us. It was like being under guard.
> 
> ...


But but but What was going on in both your lives at two years ?


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## Esteban29304 (Apr 29, 2003)

Met a woman on an online dating site, who seemed to be very nice. After talking with each other a few times, I asked her to meet me for coffee. We met & everything was going pretty well. 
THEN , she said , " We are getting along great ! " " If I turn out to be " Miss Right," how long will it be before you ask me to marry you ?" 
I told her that I was not getting married, so she got up & left.


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## Shrek (May 1, 2002)

Esteban,
You may have caught the bill for the coffee but sounds like you dodged a 81mm mortar shell instead of a bullet on that one. LOL


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

yup, what Jay said


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Dumb answer unless she looked like a bad accident. All you had to say is "about thirty seconds" and she would have busted her butt trying to be "Miss Right". It would have been a glorious, maybe short, good time.

Women really do try to please, and they put up with a lot of beastly behavior by men they care for. I see guys who obviously need new shoes and are driving old clunkers with wives and happy children around them. Then I also see and know a bunch of old men living alone amid their own bad habits, the detritus of lives gone wrong.


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## JeepHammer (May 12, 2015)

I have a couple...
I was in the Marines, and almost always deployed.
The old saying goes, "If the Marines wanted you to have a wife the would issue you one."
My sister and her kid decided to set me up with a teacher at the kid's school on a 'Blind Date'.
I got to the restaurant and the woman was indeed white cane/red tip BLIND.
(Do they think I'm THAT ugly?)

We actually had a good time, and I invited the woman to a movie afterwards, and my sister went BALLISTIC saying blind people don't 'Watch' movies,
But the young lady immediately said there was a movie on she wanted to 'See', so we went and left the relatives to stew in their own juices...

Another time they set me up with a 'Friend' of theirs,
She showed up for a lunch date with everything she owned stuffed into her car, ready to move in with me!
I paid the check and left without her, as you can imagine...

No more set-ups from my family!

My wife was an 'Aid' at the VA hospital I would up in several times,
Kind of a 'Hippie Chick' I couldn't stand her being a career Marine, now disabled and feeling sorry for myself.
She grew on me!
She used to sneak us cigarettes & pizza, Whoppers & sodas on the floor, and was kind of our partner in crime.

I stayed drunk A LOT for about two years, in and out of the VA hospital,
She's the one that finally smacked me in the back of the head and asked how long I was going to feel sorry for myself and make me consider a life after the Marines, even being disabled...
It's EXACTLY what I needed.

Our first 'Date' was an outdoor concert which got FLOODED out, and she didn't complain about shin high water getting back to the car,
Our second 'Date' turned out to be me canning the garden telling her I couldn't go out, and she showed up to help, bringing her pressure canner and canning equipment.
(The garden doesn't check your schedule for 'Dates', when it's ready, it's ready no matter what you had planned)

That's about the time I figured out there was something different about her (a work ethic AND common sense!) and she didn't get rattled about things out of our control...
So, the disable Marine and the farm girl/Bohemian chick got together about 30 years ago...
I guess opposites do attract sometimes!


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Jeep: When you say "Bohemian" are you referring to her ethnic background or her habits? I ask because where I came from there were real Bohemians, people from the part of Europe that was once the kingdom of Bohemia. In later years they were referred to as Czechs. The girls were dark-haired beauties. The church burial record for one of my own great grandmothers says "Born in Bohemia". After 4 generations now we are all just "American".


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## Alice In TX/MO (May 10, 2002)

Hubby is first generation American of Moravian descent. Moravia is next to Bohemia. Bohemian is slang for Czech in central and south Texas.


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## mreynolds (Jan 1, 2015)

JeepHammer said:


> I have a couple...
> I was in the Marines, and almost always deployed.
> The old saying goes, "If the Marines wanted you to have a wife the would issue you one."
> My sister and her kid decided to set me up with a teacher at the kid's school on a 'Blind Date'.
> ...



Hate those "blind" dates. Mine was a friend set me up on one and I didn't want to go. As a rule I don't go on blind dates. So far only one to date. He told me "his" girl wouldn't go out with him unless he fixed her friend up. 

He begged. 

He pleaded. 

I relented. 

So, when we got there, I met her. She was beautiful and seemed nice but it was just off for me because it wasn't what I do. We were standing outside the theater waiting to see Creepshow (which I really didn't care to see). A friend drives by and sees me and says "I have two tickets to Night Ranger and Poison. You really need to come with me." 

Like a cad I went and left her standing there. I had already paid for the movie tickets so there is that at least. It was probably the biggest thing I am not proud of* ever*. You would think that is the end of the story but it isn't. 

FF 2 years later and the neighbors daughter has a new boyfriend. She brings him and his sister to meet us. Yep, you guessed it, It was the girl I left standing at the theater and didn't even remember her name. 

Oh, she remined me though. 

2 years later we were married but divorced anyway for other reasons later. I don't hold her any grudges nor does she hold them against me. She wanted the big city and I was too country. A few other things but that's in the past. 

She did make me watch Creepshow though after we got married. 

I was glad I went to the concert instead.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Alice; how far from Weimar? My mother's home town. 
She spoke Czech, German, and of course English.


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## Alice In TX/MO (May 10, 2002)

About 60 miles.


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## JeepHammer (May 12, 2015)

'Bohemian' as in free spirited.
Kind, gentle, open to new experiences, was willing to 'Date' a guy that spent every free minute building a homestead as far from a small town as he could get.


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## FarmboyBill (Aug 19, 2005)

Guess nows as good a time as any to ask. What sex is hammering a jeep? lol


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

Whut???


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## JeepHammer (May 12, 2015)

> Guess nows as good a time as any to ask. What sex is hammering a jeep? lol


White, Hetro, Male.
Farm boy for 17 years, 16 years as a US Marine, approaching 60 faster than I care to admit.
(Like a bug headed for a windshield!)

A 'Shade Tree' mechanic is also called a 'Hammer Mechanic'.
I have an unhealthy relationship with old Jeeps (anything before fuel injection).
When we off road, people break things, and I'm known to use hammers & prybars a LOT to clear Carnage so we can fix the problem...
That's where the JeepHammer name comes from.

I don't understand people very well, but I get along with gears & wires quite well (they make sense and work the same way everytime).

I can figure out why a pizza is made round, stuck into a square box, but eaten in triangles,
But don't ask me to figure out why people act the way they do...


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## mreynolds (Jan 1, 2015)

JeepHammer said:


> White, Hetro, Male.
> Farm boy for 17 years, 16 years as a US Marine, approaching 60 faster than I care to admit.
> (Like a bug headed for a windshield!)
> 
> ...


I have the same relationship with wood.


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## JeepHammer (May 12, 2015)

Old Jeeps = Fast Tractors.
Dirt simple to work on, any idiot can keep them running (I'm proof).
Build, Wheel, Break, Repeat...
When you can't break it anymore, then it's ready!

My favorite is a V-8 go cart, a '73 CJ-5 mountain goat.
Manual brakes, manual steering, manual shift, manual lockers...
You would have to be at least 50 to know how to steal it! 
No 'Millennial' will steal it, way too ugly, skinny steering column, key on the dash, no 'Wireless' or push button to get it started, and the 'Choke' button would confuse them when it came up on 'Google'...

I built the homestead with it, including plowing the gardens & fields the first three years.

When I got a 'Girlfriend' I went a bought a 'Bikini' top, still don't have doors or top past the roll bar...


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