# Still no job or home BUT I'm VERY grateful...



## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

Two days ago my 17 year old pregnant daughter tried to commit suicide by jumping off the overpass. Her boyfriend had just broken up with her.
Someone called in seeing her and the sheriff grabbed her in time...
She is now in the psych unit until Friday. I went to see her today. She's begging to come home...

Talked to doc and caseworker yesterday and she's been diagnosed with severe OCD, which I did not realize. It's not the usual repeatedly doing things. So anyway, the OCD is why she has issues with hypervigilance and nothing is ever good enough in her eyes. It explains a lot. Why she has a hard time dealing with everyday life...this kid has taught me so much, but I'm really ready to quit learning now. Really, I am!

Doc told me to check into a girls home named Florence Chrittendon. Do any of you know of a place like this or have experience with it? Apparently it's nationwide. I looked it up and it sounds like what she needs. She would be there for 7 months. I'm calling them tomorrow for more info.

If anyone knows how I can place a cease and desist order with God...tell me how, please? I've had my fill...more than my fill... :help:

Thanks.


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

Please, Don't ever request or even want a"a cease and desist order with God"

Bajiay, You and your Daughter,,,Remain in my prayers,,,,,My prayers to God,,,


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## Cornhusker (Mar 20, 2003)

Sorry to hear of your troubles
Sounds like you are on the right track though


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## rkintn (Dec 12, 2002)

I agree with LA. Speaking from experience, keep praying and moving forward everyday! It sounds like you are on the right path for your daughter. Prayers and good vibes for you both!


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

I just mean that I can't take anymore crap happening...NOT that I'm giving up on God.


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

bajiay said:


> If anyone knows how I can place a cease and desist order with God...tell me how, please? I've had my fill...more than my fill... :help:
> 
> Thanks.


No cease and desist....

Maybe God is the one that intervened, perhaps that is why someone notified the authorities and that is why the Sheriff was able to catch her in time...miracles happen every single second. They may not be how we fantasize them or how they are portrayed in movies, but they are there. 

Take comfort that she is alive, her baby is safe and pray for continued strength. This too shall pass, the darkness and fog will lift. You and your daughter are in my prayers.


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## dustyroad (Nov 13, 2013)

This may end badly but I am use to being the odd man out. My intention is to help.
Be very careful when accepting a "professionals" label. It may fit the present circumstances and your frame of mind but it is a tag that once in place your child can never leave behind. Once the "authorities" label her they will never give her the chance to prove its not true.
I have more miles on me than you and I have seen numerous people tagged in this way and never able to live it down. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Obviously I don't know any, never mind all of the details but I have only rarely found a kid who cannot be successfully engaged to improve their world. It's all in how they are approached. This is not intended as being critical of what has happened up to this point just a statement of my experience.

I would venture an opinion that putting anybody into a situation in which they do not have the freedom to leave will seal their fate no matter what triggered the event.


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## Oxankle (Jun 20, 2003)

Dusty; The Florence C. homes are maternity homes for women who have no resources. They will take her in, give her medical attention and see that she is delivered of her baby safely. The social workers there will help her get her head on straight.


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

Bajiay, glad to see you are still around post 12/24 lady  

Be strong - my thoughts are with you.

((hugs))

~ST


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

SimplerTimez-yeah....it finalized...he showed up yesterday with my Christmas present and showed me his NEW CW permit and his shiny new gun! ;(

When I read about the home I felt a peace within...


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## L.A. (Nov 15, 2007)

It's hard to fathom all Bajiay and her daughter have gone through this year,,,,

You are very strong,,I admire the way you're handling it.

Better days ahead,!!


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## Jim-mi (May 15, 2002)

The Florence Chrittendon out fit has been in business for many many moons...
So I am hoping--for your sake-- that this longevity means that they are doing something reasonably right........


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

L.A.-I wouldn't wish anyone to go through the crap that I have, but I don't want anymore of it either! Strong? No...just what other option do I have then to plow ahead?
Besides! If I were to wake up dead tomorrow, I wouldn't get anymore chocolate! I haven't found the part in the Bible that says there's chocolate in heaven so I'll just stay here thank you.


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## dustyroad (Nov 13, 2013)

I always say that I learned far more from my kids than I did my parents. My parents gave me words but I had to live it with my kids. Big difference.
I wish everyone the very best of whatever they need but my heart aches for a kid in so much distress.


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Bajiay, your daughter is safe tonight. I know that it is so very hard, but your daughter is safe tonight.

Sleep well.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

I'm no doctor, and I don't play one on TV.....

But your daughter has had some PRETTY big 'events' go down in her life, especially the last 12 months.
A divorce.
A move
A pregnancy.
A break up from her bf.
All at age 17.
No 'home', stability, or perceived future with this boy she loves, father of her child (I am assuming) and back that up with the fracturing of her own family (no blame here, stay with me, just facts..)

That much trauma after trauma, combined with a less than ideal diet / inappropriate rest, compounded with hormones?

Humans have a break point. This is enough to break even the toughest.
I'm not blaming anyone....please don't read that.....but her 'attempt' could be as simple as 'she snapped....she is either desperate for attention, or sick of the drama in her life and made a snap, bad, decision'......and NOT a mental illness.

Oh please, don't let them give her any drugs while she is pregnant. Not until you have 2 or 3 different doctors with labs to back up the 'mental illness' diagnosis.....

Sometimes when we are at the end of our ropes, we don't have the strength to tie a knot and hang on. We just want to let go. 
And we are so glad, someone is there to catch us in our moment of weakness.
Because it's just a moment.........


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## thesedays (Feb 25, 2011)

Oxankle said:


> Dusty; The Florence C. homes are maternity homes for women who have no resources. They will take her in, give her medical attention and see that she is delivered of her baby safely. The social workers there will help her get her head on straight.


Would she be allowed to keep her baby, or are they still forcibly taken from their mothers at birth?


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

Michelle, Thank God* that your daughter is Safe tonight. I Pray that You ,and your Daughter's Lives start changing for the better.


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## Brighton (Apr 14, 2013)

thesedays said:


> Would she be allowed to keep her baby, or are they still forcibly taken from their mothers at birth?


Just from the bits I have read about them over the years (had a friend sent to one of their homes in the late 70's), and again today, they advocate adoption, but no longer force adoption, and do give the girl the tools she will need to live and be a good Mother to her child.


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

She does not want to give her baby up and that will be one thing I check into among many others.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

She certainly was willing to do something much worse than giving it up for adoption by jumping off that bridge .... grrr!

This is a tragedy in the making: a young mother who clearly is not equipped, practically or emotionally, to raise a child, and a baby whose life is likely to be circumscribed by poverty and the risks associated with being the child of a single parent.

I really hope that all the responsible adults involved in this girl's life are strongly encouraging her to consider adoption.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

My heart goes out to both you and your daughter.
She is blessed to have you. God is good!
Praise God she is now safe and you are looking into a place for her to stay and get the support she needs.
(((hugs)))


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## summerdaze (Jun 11, 2009)

Wow, I'm really sorry to hear about all this stress and chaos in your life. But I'm glad that you haven't given up on God. Sometimes He's the only one who can bring you through all the crap that life slings at ya. 
I hope this new place will help you and your daughter, and give you some peace. I'll be praying for you.


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

I know this may sound nutz, but this event may be a blessing in disguise and a turnaround point for your daughter. In reference to her diagnosis, you mentioned that_ &#8220;It explains a lot. Why she has a hard time dealing with everyday life...&#8221; _

Generally, I am very wary of shrinks and pill-pushing doctors (and prefer natural healing methods for garden-variety illnesses), but in the case of suicide prevention her greatest hope is in treating her mental issues. 

Research in Europe and the United States indicates that more than 90 percent of completed suicides are associated with mental disorders and addictive personalities. The National Alliance on Mental Illness is also in agreement with this finding.
http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Se...Management/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=23041 (Of course, this is not saying that everyone having mental problems will attempt suicide.)

She is in the best possible place she can be! You can also be assured that the doctors will take all possible precautions against medications contraindicated in pregnancy.

Your daughter's multiple and major life-stresses--along with mental illness--has been a recipe for disaster (which has been blessedly averted). Now that intervention and identification of some of the problems have been addressed, improvements can begin.

Meanwhile, you&#8212;as the strong one&#8212;are naturally feeling a bit worn down and perhaps overwhelmed by your own multiple and major stresses! Michelle, I have the impression that you are very spiritually minded. This is good. People who have a close relationship with God find that he has the best glue there is for holding everything together. 

Fortunately, our endurance does not have to be totally dependent on personal strength. God promises that he will abundantly supply needed endurance to those who rely on him. So we can rightly pray for his help, including the wisdom needed to deal with a particular trial. (Romans 15:4,5; James 1:5). He also promises that he would never permit anyone's being subjected to a trial that would be impossible to bear. (1 Cor 10:13; 2 Cor 4:7-9) This means that _there is no limit to the strength on which we can draw from._ Just think, we can have the greatest power in the universe at our back!

I'd like to share with you a few things that helps me to stay balanced when life is rocking my world and threatens to knock me down. You can draw strength from them, too.

One of my favorite go-to Scriptures when I am feeling overwhelmed by trials is Isaiah 41:10:_ &#8220;Do not be afraid, I am with you. Do not be anxious, for I am your God. I will fortify you, yes, I will help you. I will really keep fast hold of you...&#8221;_ Deuteronomy 31:6 and Hebrews 13: 5-6 also assures me that God will neither desert me nor leave me and will be my helper.

Another favorite is Philippians 4: 6,7 which assures me that through heartfelt prayer along with thanksgiving, _&#8220;...the peace of God that excels all thought will guard your hearts and your mental powers by means of Christ Jesus.&#8221; _This Scripture is especially comforting because it means that the peace that God gives which _ &#8220;excels all thought&#8221;_ is stronger than _anything_ else in my mind, and helps me to keep my balance so that I do not become overwhelmed by my troubles. 

One of the hardest lessons I have ever learned is how to truly rely on God 100%, because I am by nature, an independent survivalist sort! I had to first learn the lesson at Psalms 55:22, which says you can throw your burden upon God, and he will sustain you. And, if you are just too worn out to throw anything anywhere, then you can roll it onto him...(Proverbs 16:3). It's easy enough to do, right? It wasn't easy for me because I had a bad habit of giving my burdens to God, then taking them all back by worrying about them and trying to &#8220;fix it all&#8221; by myself. I had to learn to be balanced in doing the best I reasonably could, then turning it over to God. Only then, did I experience the awesome _&#8220;peace of God that excels all thought&#8221;_...even in the face of the most terrible nights and days of my life. 

Michelle, I'm praying for you and your daughter to find the peace that you so richly deserve. Hang in there. There is nothing in life with which the grace of God cannot help us cope.


.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

willow_girl said:


> She certainly was willing to do something much worse than giving it up for adoption by jumping off that bridge .... grrr!
> 
> This is a tragedy in the making: a young mother who clearly is not equipped, practically or emotionally, to raise a child, and a baby whose life is likely to be circumscribed by poverty and the risks associated with being the child of a single parent.
> 
> I really hope that all the responsible adults involved in this girl's life are strongly encouraging her to consider adoption.


I know it sounds harsh, but adoption sounds like the best option for this baby. Your daughter needs to focus on healing herself. A baby deserves to be raised by two parents who are financially and emotionally stable. These are things your daughter cannot provide right now.
She has her whole future ahead of her. So does that innocent baby. I hope she thinks this through.


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## thesedays (Feb 25, 2011)

willow_girl said:


> She certainly was willing to do something much worse than giving it up for adoption by jumping off that bridge .... grrr!
> 
> This is a tragedy in the making: a young mother who clearly is not equipped, practically or emotionally, to raise a child, and a baby whose life is likely to be circumscribed by poverty and the risks associated with being the child of a single parent.
> 
> I really hope that all the responsible adults involved in this girl's life are strongly encouraging her to consider adoption.


Bajiay, would you consider adopting the baby? No matter what happens, you need to consult a lawyer regarding child support and all that if she keeps the baby or the adoption is intra-family. The lawyer who did your divorce could handle that; believe me, they see situations like this all the time.


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

Some of you may think I'm nuts, and that's ok, but this is the deal...When I found out that she was pregnant, I was "told" that this pregnancy was what was going to "save" her.
I've prayed many times to see if she is suppose to give the baby up, or if I'm suppose to adopt it, but I'm told she is to keep it. I've been worried about many things obviously because of her age, the father, etc. but I keep being told that it will work out. So this incident happens with her the other day, and then I'm told by the doc about the group home...under normal circumstances I, as a parent, want to raise my child in my own home. The many issues with her, and some I have not revealed, plus the confirmation that I received when I read about the group home, tells me that that is the best chance she has to learn to become a successful adult and how to deal with her issues and be a good mother to her child. IF she does not go into the home then I feel other actions will probably be necessary. The way things are right now, I know that she is not capable of raising that child.

I'm not ignorant...or being blindsided because she is my daughter. I want what is best for her and the baby. I have to go with my gut and with God.


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## dustyroad (Nov 13, 2013)

I know our circumstances are very different and it sounds like you have been through the mill but I for one would be doing cartwheels to have a baby in my life again even if only for a short time. Babies are always a blessing no matter how they get here or what the circumstances. I'll take 4 please.


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

dustyroad-I know exactly what you are saying. If she's not able to keep the child, I will try to adopt, but I have to have a job and a place to live in order to do so as well.

I received a email this morning and I have unexpected money coming to me from the bus accident, which may enable me to make the move to a different town that I've been wanting. The Lord works in mysterious ways...


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## dustyroad (Nov 13, 2013)

There are more doors open to you, and everyone else all the time. It's overcoming our own blindness to them that is the real challenge.
Don't be a stranger.


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

bajiay said:


> I received a email this morning and I have unexpected money coming to me from the bus accident, which may enable me to make the move to a different town that I've been wanting. The Lord works in mysterious ways...


Aren't you glad you didn't ask him to bu** out....?  Congrats! The power of ones will is a very strong entity.


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

I didn't ask him to do that and that was never a thought...I just can't take anymore stuff being dumped on me and that is what I wanted stopped.


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## RubyRed (Sep 24, 2011)

Understandable. 

Maybe I am misunderstanding you, but I don't feel that God dumps stuff on us. Many times, it is life happening, and, I also am a believer in Karma. God, to me, is the strength and direction I seek when life dumps its mess, not to mention, the one I thank as well when he intervenes. That's just my view. 

Life is a learning process, sometimes its learning curve can be very trying.


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

You know the saying, "He'll never give us more than we can handle?" Well, I can't handle anymore. I'm PAST my limit...That's my point.


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## foxfiredidit (Apr 15, 2003)

Here's hoping you catch a break, and find what you're looking for.


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## Patchouli (Aug 3, 2011)

shanzone2001 said:


> I know it sounds harsh, but adoption sounds like the best option for this baby. Your daughter needs to focus on healing herself. A baby deserves to be raised by two parents who are financially and emotionally stable. These are things your daughter cannot provide right now.
> She has her whole future ahead of her. So does that innocent baby. I hope she thinks this through.


Adoption is no more perfect than being raised by a child's birth parents. My parents may have met the financial requirements and passed whatever home studies were required but they were abusive and should have never had children. 2 parents does not mean anything.


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## nehimama (Jun 18, 2005)

My heart goes out to you and your daughter. You have my prayers and best thoughts.


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## Jim-mi (May 15, 2002)

If there is an opening do you think your daughter would / will go for the Florence C place. .. .??


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## Twp.Tom (Dec 29, 2010)

Michelle, Good Evening*,story to share about young Motherhood. One of my ex's-while still Married to her second Husband-came home one evening-to a discussion with her just 14 year old daughter(she was still sucking her thumb In her sleep),a kid herself-"Mom I think I'm pregnant?" My Ex just broke down, and fell to the floor. How would "they get through this as a family" Due to my ex's Moral standards(no abortion),and adoption was out of the question. They did what would come as natural. Her 14 tr. old had to do what was right.(Mom and Dad helped as much as possible) I am sure that it was very difficult along the way,but she raised that little girl, as best she could. She did graduate from High School,got her own apartment/job. And she did it. She went on to Tech. School ,was married to a much better Fellow(Babies daddy disappeared-gave her up). I think she did a pretty darn good job-against the odds she was facing. That Little Baby has Blossomed/grown up. She is the most Sweet,Well-Mannered, Beautiful young Woman. You never Know what is going to Happen, all you can hope for is the best. The decisions that You ,and your Daughter,make- will have to be lived with. Trust Your Heart/Soul- Love your Daughter, and just do the best you can. Trust/Hope. My Prayers go out ,to the Both of You*.


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

Jimmi-Yes, they have a bed available. I've talked to them twice today asking questions. Daughter is being released tomorrow. We are going to see the home on Monday. I'm hoping she will see it is what's best for her and the baby. I'm praying she does. She's not to keen on the idea at the moment. That's why I want to take her there. Let her talk to some of the girls too.


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## shanzone2001 (Dec 3, 2009)

l said it before but it bears repeating....she is blessed to have you!


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

Thank you...
This is really hard and I'm out of chocolate!! :{


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

I know of many successful stories of single mothers who raised their children under excruciatingly impossible circumstances without resorting to adoption. Some are in my own circle of family and friends. Others, I have read enough stories about to realize that adoption is not always the best option.

There are so many heartbreaking accounts of mothers who regretted the decision to give up their children, and felt deep remorse for the rest of their lives. (I can't begin to imagine how it would feel to wonder whatever became of my child or grandchild!) And, so many adopted children spend agonizing years trying to track their birthmother... It's just so unnatural. 

I do realize that there are some situations where adoption may be best for all, but not as often as some would think. Where the heart is, there will be a way...against all odds. Love is all about making a way out of no way. And, in many cases where the adoption process is the best option, it is love that makes this difficult decision possible.

Michelle, I am praying for you, your daughter and grandchild's success!

.


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## Laura Zone 5 (Jan 13, 2010)

bajiay said:


> You know the saying, "He'll never give us more than we can handle?" Well, I can't handle anymore. I'm PAST my limit...That's my point.



TELL HIM.
Read that Scripture back to Him.
Remind Him that He keeps all His Promises, and He is NOT a liar.

1 Corinthians 10:12-14
So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don&#8217;t fall!. 
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. 
And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. 
But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

(The Greek for _temptation_ and _tempted_ can also mean _testing_ and _tested_.)

Pour out your complaint, in full, at the top of your lungs if you want....but let Him hear it..all of it.

Then seek Him.
Please don't let your heart get hard.
Seek Him.


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## willow_girl (Dec 7, 2002)

> I've prayed many times to see if she is suppose to give the baby up, or if I'm suppose to adopt it, but I'm told she is to keep it. I've been worried about many things obviously because of her age, the father, etc. but I keep being told that it will work out.


That's contrary to all the statistics that tell us the children of single mothers are twice as likely to develop a mental illness, twice as likely to commit suicide, more likely to be raised in poverty, more likely to become addicted to drugs or alcohol, more likely to end up in prison, less likely to do well in school, etc., etc. The list goes on and on ...

And that's not even taking into account that the mother of this baby is a teenager who has been diagnosed with a mental illness, the father isn't likely to stick around or be of much help, and Grandma-to-be is homeless and jobless. 

See, I don't have an imaginary voice inside my head telling me that everything will be just fine! My gut instincts tell me this is a train wreck in the making. But, it's also none of my business, other than the fact it's been posted on a public forum, which I suppose invites commentary. Thus I've said my piece, and will step aside now. 

You have my sincere wishes for a good outcome for this sad situation.


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## Jim-mi (May 15, 2002)

I am really glad to hear that she is willing to go look at the FC place.. and not being foot stomping rebellious against it.
Being as they have been doing this "service" for so many years they have heard all these questions . . . . .and more than likely can/will guide to help the outcome.


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

We do all have a right to our opinion and I appreciate everyone's.

I do have to say though, that "imaginary" voice has never led me astray...


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

Bajiay, I suspect that you will not have much say in the matter. It will be hard for you regardless: gentle hugs!


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## thesedays (Feb 25, 2011)

Any further updates? I've been thinking about all of you.


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## Lazy J (Jan 2, 2008)

Wow, praying you can discern God's guidance.


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## bajiay (Apr 8, 2008)

She's home now. We went today and visited the girl's home. I was very impressed with it. Very Very impressed...and it takes a lot to impress me.

I've just been listening to her the last few days...
Trying to de-stress both of us...

Thank you for caring...


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## SimplerTimez (Jan 20, 2008)

So glad to hear bajiay. Thank you for keeping us updated.

~ST


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## Jim-mi (May 15, 2002)

Glad that you were impressed.
What with all the nastys in your affairs, sure seems like DD going there would help your stress factor a great deal.
Luck to ya in the decision making.........


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