# Midlife crisis



## Oregon1986 (Apr 25, 2017)

Do you believe midlife crisis is real? I feel like I'm about to go through one. Maybe the proper word is melt down. I turn 32 next month and the realization of what I have not accomplished and what has changed,is overwhelming. The fact I've never been married (I'm in a long term relationship), I recently tied my tubes so no more babies and that I don't have the cabin in the woods my heart desires has made me feel like less than great recently. Yes I know I should be thankful I have a lot more than most but I just thought I'd have it all by now. Not so sound cocky but I am a total catch,I'm a hard worker and I deserve to have everything I want. Rant over.


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## cfuhrer (Jun 11, 2013)

I'm sorry, you have to wait until at least 40. Lol

I'm facing some of those same realizations / fears. The melt down is real; what matters is how you approach the choice of freak out or make changes.

I think the "mid-life crisis" is an excuse adults use to act like a child.


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## Oregon1986 (Apr 25, 2017)

cfuhrer said:


> I'm sorry, you have to wait until at least 40. Lol
> 
> I'm facing some of those same realizations / fears. The melt down is real; what matters is how you approach the choice of freak out or make changes.
> 
> I think the "mid-life crisis" is an excuse adults use to act like a child.


True,an excuse to throw a pity party. 40 is too far off lol


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## cfuhrer (Jun 11, 2013)

Oregon1986 said:


> 40 is too far off lol


I'll never make it that long!! Save yourselves!


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## hunter63 (Jan 4, 2005)

I don't think that you are alone but we all go thru these.....just try not to dwell on the bad, concertate on the good..and move on.

Not sure what age?...have been thru several myself.....27...about 35....45 and 51...(retired the first time at 51)...then 63 retired again...the 65 really retired this time....

DW said she was going thru a change...but she didn't turn into a pickup truck, or hunting dog....or shotgun....You know something useful?....
Oh well....Still waiting.

So...how are you feeling?.......any ideas come to mind?


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## Oregon1986 (Apr 25, 2017)

hunter63 said:


> I don't think that you are alone but we all go thru these.....just try not to dwell on the bad, concertate on the good..and move on.
> 
> Not sure what age?...have been thru several myself.....27...about 35....45 and 51...(retired the first time at 51)...then 63 retired again...the 65 really retired this time....
> 
> ...


You're right I should focus on the good. I am quit emotional lately.


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## PlayingInDirt (Aug 2, 2017)

Well, sometimes change is good. You're a lot closer to that cabin in the woods than I was at your age 3 short years ago, living in the middle of the city with bums, prostitutes, and drug dealers for neighbors. Put that energy into something positive!


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## Oregon1986 (Apr 25, 2017)

PlayingInDirt said:


> Well, sometimes change is good. You're a lot closer to that cabin in the woods than I was at your age 3 short years ago, living in the middle of the city with bums, prostitutes, and drug dealers for neighbors. Put that energy into something positive!


Yes you're right,sometimes change is good


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## PlayingInDirt (Aug 2, 2017)

You sound like you're restless, why don't you try taking up a new fun easy hobby? Or redecorating a room (on the cheap). Just something to give you a little jolt, but just all good vibes and no stress.


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## IndyDave (Jul 17, 2017)

Oregon1986 said:


> Do you believe midlife crisis is real? I feel like I'm about to go through one. Maybe the proper word is melt down. I turn 32 next month and the realization of what I have not accomplished and what has changed,is overwhelming. The fact I've never been married (I'm in a long term relationship), I recently tied my tubes so no more babies and that I don't have the cabin in the woods my heart desires has made me feel like less than great recently. Yes I know I should be thankful I have a lot more than most but I just thought I'd have it all by now. Not so sound cocky but I am a total catch,I'm a hard worker and I deserve to have everything I want. Rant over.


What I am hearing is that you have reached the point of stopping to take inventory, you realize that many of the things that matter to you have not been done, you do not have enough time left in the rest of your life to do everything you would like to do, and you are feeling a sense of insecurity or lack of fulfillment about not having that band of gold around the fourth finger on your left hand. I also understand that it is difficult to deal with such feelings even though, as mentioned previously, you are closer to your goals now than in recent memory. I wish I could offer a solution, but I am still looking for that myself.


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

Ha. I went through a little mid-life crisis a couple of decades ago. I was like, whoa! Time to get my butt in gear! I looked at my nearly impossible bucket list, and re-arranged the most important stuff to the top of the heap. Then I chopped the first half dozen of them into bits; each bit represented something I needed to do in order to make that item on the bucket list a reality. 

In other words, you can't eat an elephant in one bite. But you can eventually eat the whole thing if you carve it into smaller pieces. It's even more fun if you invite others to join you. Pass the BBQ sauce!

Looking at my bucket list now, I am at peace knowing that I lived a full and interesting life eating not one, but several elephants. The only other things on the list now are just minor things that won't break my heart if I never completed them. For example, it would delight me to no end to be able to visit Costa Rica in June with my photography equipment. I would love to shoot those awesome red-eyed tree frogs going nuts doing their froggy thing, lol. Until then, I just watch National Geographic videos and make-believe I am really there...

.


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## GTX63 (Dec 13, 2016)

Each day should stand on it's own. Know that somewhere someone is having their own crisis and covets the life you currently lead.

Thru my 20s I lived like I was immortal.
My first goal was to be independently wealthy by the time I was 30. Be careful what you ask for and make sure you speak clearly.
At 30 I was independent of wealth and wife.

My moral is that no one, NO ONE, can spin 10 plates on poles at once. You can spin 3 or maybe four. Any more will simply break and cause lost time and energy from the important ones. Pick the best plates and do the absolute best show you can do. Then when you give up the ghost be buried with your favorite plate.


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## alleyyooper (Apr 22, 2005)

I my self don't believe it is a myth. Many a mans eye has wandered when they were in their 40's and I do believe understandable to some extent.
Married right out of HS and raised kids right off the bat and struggled to make ends meet and put food on the table.
Some time in their 40's when they have been married over 20 years and the excitement of being with each other has died due to neglect it happens.

Now me I guess I went thru it but not over women or a woman since I didn't marry till i was 38 and had enjoyed my self a lot and did things I wanted to. But when I was just in my 40's a car caught my eye a sporty faster than the old 4dr. famiy car. 
So I bought it paid the insurance, quickly learned the names of all the local cops too. I sure enjoyed that car for 3 years, learned what scary speed was and then grew up and sold it.
My fling was over and got my nose back to the grind stone and went to work on retiring at 55. I made it and haven't looked back.

 Al


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## HDRider (Jul 21, 2011)

CajunSunshine said:


> Ha. I went through a little mid-life crisis a couple of decades ago. I was like, whoa! Time to get my butt in gear! I looked at my nearly impossible bucket list, and re-arranged the most important stuff to the top of the heap. Then I chopped the first half dozen of them into bits; each bit represented something I needed to do in order to make that item on the bucket list a reality.
> 
> In other words, you can't eat an elephant in one bite. But you can eventually eat the whole thing if you carve it into smaller pieces. It's even more fun if you invite others to join you. Pass the BBQ sauce!
> 
> ...


Beautiful advice. Take heed, and do in deed.


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## Texaspredatorhu (Sep 15, 2015)

Oregon1986 said:


> Do you believe midlife crisis is real? I feel like I'm about to go through one. Maybe the proper word is melt down. I turn 32 next month and the realization of what I have not accomplished and what has changed,is overwhelming. The fact I've never been married (I'm in a long term relationship), I recently tied my tubes so no more babies and that I don't have the cabin in the woods my heart desires has made me feel like less than great recently. Yes I know I should be thankful I have a lot more than most but I just thought I'd have it all by now. Not so sound cocky but I am a total catch,I'm a hard worker and I deserve to have everything I want. Rant over.


It’ll all be ok in the end. Make your goals attainable and you can reach them. If you know what you want you also know what you need to do to get it. Don’t let anything stand in your way and like I always said to my marines, lay waste to those that oppose you!


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## Steve_S (Feb 25, 2015)

Midlife crisis @ 32 ? Consider it more as a Graduation from Tween (Teen -> 20's) to adulthood and NOW is when stuff starts to happen. IF you all of a sudden get an urge to buy a small red 2 door ragtop or some other completely useless car... Then your in trouble... buy another hammer, a box of nails and ask your man where the property is so you can build something and FAST ! As for feeling crisis, don't worry in the next 20 years you'll learn a lot more about when to feel in crisis... Wish I would have done what my gut was yelling at me to do @32, which was to buy a property and get cabineering. Ohh well doing it now.


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## Irish Pixie (May 14, 2002)

I think PlayingInDirt has the right idea- more restless than midlife crisis. It's slowly moving toward spring and I think you'll feel better, I know I will.


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## wdcutrsdaughter (Dec 9, 2012)

I agree with PlayingInTheDirt and Irish pixie - winter can definitely bring on these types of feelings - have you had your vitamin D tested? I recently found out mine was severely low and I never would have guessed that. 
It is possible your body is sending you a message with the feeling of "restlessness"

Also, for me, "expectations" are a big part of what can make me feel "crisis" like. I try to keep away from expecting things will be a certain way at a certain age or even day to day. (not always easy to do). The idea being if you don't have an expectation, you won't be disappointed, or feel the "crisis" that something is missing. 

Of course this doesn't mean you don't have goals - cajun sunshine broke that down real well - tiny steps get to the big goal. 

You might also find the practice of mindfulness helpful. The practice of keeping your awareness in the moment. One of my favorite parts of practicing mindfulness is observing yourself without judgement - for example in this situation you'd just say to yourself - hey it makes me feel upset that I didn't reach all the goals I thought I would by now. But remember that doesn't define you as a person-the feeling or the fact you didn't reach your goal. it just "is what it is" and once we accept things as such it gives us the freedom to move forward instead of getting stuck in the bad feeling. 
I also want to add that it is called a "practice" of mindfulness because it takes time to develop this way of thinking

https://www.mindful.org/what-is-mindfulness/


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## Jolly (Jan 8, 2004)

Happens to all of us and the magic number does not have to be 40. Or 32. Or whatever.

You wake up one day, you realize that you aren't where you want to be, maybe not as special as you thought and life has decided you don't "deserve" what you think should be coming your way. But look around...For most people, there are folks better off or luckier than you and there are folks worse off than you are. It's time to take stock of where you are, count your many Blessings and decide how you want the rest of your life to go.

It's a time to be realistic and fanciful at the same time. Realistically know that you probably won't be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company or the pinnacle of your profession. Fanciful, in that now is the time to maybe start that new business, look for that land or follow some of your heart's desires. But remember, even though the grass may look greener on the other side of some fences, it's still grass.


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## painterswife (Jun 7, 2004)

Midlife crisis to me is the point when you realize you are not 25 anymore with all the possibilities spread out before you. The time when mistakes have a bigger impact on your life and are not as easy to shake off.

32 is far too young to be in that position. You have lots of time to make your dreams come true.


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## anniew (Dec 12, 2002)

I'm more than twice your age and now realize that as you age your have less physical stamina to do things...so you have at least another 32 years plus to get going and doing whatever you want...and stop whining...please.


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## CIW (Oct 2, 2007)

It sounds as though you may need to get more formal about your goals. Right now you are having to hold all your goals in your brain. I know from reading your posts that you are wanting to do a lot. Organization is the key.
You can write each goal down on a card. I used recipe cards. You could have a hundred. I would probably only put the first 20 on cards and list the rest on a sheet. And move them to a card as needed. It doesn't matter how absurd they are. Arrange them in order of importance to you.
Now go back to each card and list the steps to achieve the goal. I used to keep the top 6 on my bathroom mirror. I would read each one out loud, each morning, to myself while getting ready for my day. Then briefly, update any progress on the back, along with dates.
I know that this is remedial, but it works. You can have all the goals in the world, but unless you organize and prioritize many will be for not. In fact most will be for not. By doing so you develop a direction.
The good thing about this is you can see advancement and you can see where effort needs to take place.
As you mature in this process you may not need the cards because you are actually teaching your brain to take on and organize tasks. Your mind will develop triggers to cause it to work on your tasks to reach your goals.
The one thing that I had to do was make sure of was that I was listing only my goals, and not someone else's. And really concentrate on prioritization. That doesn't mean that someone can't be part of my goal. It means that I only concentrate on my part of it.
Periodically, I did it once a week at first, lay out your goals in front of you and rearrange them. As time goes on this will start to happen automatically. There will be times that you will look at a goal that was high on the list. Something will have happened that can take it completely off the list or move it way down. That isn't a failure. It's organization.
When you achieve a goal. Keep the card for review periodically.
Now move on and build a 1 year, 5 year, and 15 year plan for yourself and deal with them the same way you deal with the goal cards.
You will find that much of your feelings and anguish will subside.
I'm sure that you just want to get a lot done, but are just spinning your tires.


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## LittleRedHen (Apr 26, 2006)

what are your goals aside from a cabin? Are you in a long term relationship only not marriage because you dont want to be married or he doesn't? Would a legal document from the state make your relationship any more of something? I was married for 16 years. I am only a little older than you. I am 36. I became a widow just after my 35th birthday. I am in a relationship now where I cannot get married for the next 12 years because survivors benefits cease in remarriage. So I am a year into a long term relationship that will never be marriage and that is okay for me. The legal document of marriage really doesn't have anything to offer me beyond a title. I have POwer of Attorney already which has more legal rights attached to it  I like the title though too. But its just a mind thing really.

I have a dream of leaving Michigan and living in another state. I want to start over fresh somewhere else. I need to start out at least visiting other states first lol. There are some vacations I have wanted to do forever~! I hope I can do it some day if finances ever allow it. 

I think the 30s are just the age where we start to realize that we aren't going to live forever. We are old enough that we have "lost" 10-20 years doing whatever we did.. We still have time to make good and go somewhere in life.I mean truly we could have 50 years yet. But there is still something about having 10-20 years of adult years left to do it. It seems to make our decisions in daily life something that needs to be a little more deliberate. We realize how fast the years will fly now. Something we didnt really notice in our 20s. 

Anyways im rambling


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## Irish Pixie (May 14, 2002)

anniew said:


> I'm more than twice your age and now realize that as you age your have less physical stamina to do things...so you have at least another 32 years plus to get going and doing whatever you want...and stop whining...please.


I don't see Oregon1986's post as whining, and your post was a bit rude when kindness was needed. Just my opinion.


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## Cabin Fever (May 10, 2002)

One word we do not use in this house is "deserve." We know many kids your age who seem to feel they deserve everything. They have new cars, new houses, new appliances, new furniture, take cruises, $5 cups of coffee, etc. etc. What they really have is a debt burden that will take forever to pay off. Please don't follow their lead.

With that said, set a goal (sounds like you have one) and work toward it. Baby steps. Just make sure that your dream is his dream and that you're pulling on the rope in the same direction. If it's a team effort, it will happen! Eventually that light at the end of the tunnel will become brighter and brighter.

My wife and I did not achieve our goal of a cabin in the woods until I was 50.


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## TripleD (Feb 12, 2011)

Just don't pay attention to the negatives . I try to place reasonable goals on myself. If I don't complete it in time there might be another day. I bought 350 tee posts at Tractor Supply last month the lady there said it will take you forever to drive all those. I told her 50 a day and I should be finished in a week.....


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## Jolly (Jan 8, 2004)

LRH wrote:


> The legal document of marriage really doesn't have anything to offer me beyond a title. I have POwer of Attorney already which has more legal rights attached to it  I like the title though too. But its just a mind thing really.


May not want to do it, but if you want to legally change your surname to his, you can do it. Gives the public the illusion of being married without the license.

I do sympathize with your situation, though. The government should not cut survivor's benefits just because somebody remarries.


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## anniew (Dec 12, 2002)

At 32 you have loads of time to get where you want to go, if you have the health and ambition to make it happen. Sorry if I sounded snarky, BUT in today's world people need a little kick in the butt rather than coddling. Life isn't fair, so you have to take control of what you can to do what you want to do. Get a plan and start working on it. Prioritize so you don't waste time and money on fluffy stuff...or not...you are the momentum behind your actions and your goal.


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## Oregon1986 (Apr 25, 2017)

PlayingInDirt said:


> You sound like you're restless, why don't you try taking up a new fun easy hobby? Or redecorating a room (on the cheap). Just something to give you a little jolt, but just all good vibes and no stress.


funny,SO suggested doing something for myself too. He's going to help me make a rabbit colony


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## Oregon1986 (Apr 25, 2017)

LittleRedHen said:


> what are your goals aside from a cabin? Are you in a long term relationship only not marriage because you dont want to be married or he doesn't? Would a legal document from the state make your relationship any more of something? I was married for 16 years. I am only a little older than you. I am 36. I became a widow just after my 35th birthday. I am in a relationship now where I cannot get married for the next 12 years because survivors benefits cease in remarriage. So I am a year into a long term relationship that will never be marriage and that is okay for me. The legal document of marriage really doesn't have anything to offer me beyond a title. I have POwer of Attorney already which has more legal rights attached to it  I like the title though too. But its just a mind thing really.
> 
> I have a dream of leaving Michigan and living in another state. I want to start over fresh somewhere else. I need to start out at least visiting other states first lol. There are some vacations I have wanted to do forever~! I hope I can do it some day if finances ever allow it.
> 
> ...


SO has actually recently started talking about us getting married,so it gives me hope. He was in a horrible horrible marriage for many years so it's taking him longer to come around to the idea of getting married again. We do everything a married couple does and share everything,i guess for me i just want it official.


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## Oregon1986 (Apr 25, 2017)

anniew said:


> At 32 you have loads of time to get where you want to go, if you have the health and ambition to make it happen. Sorry if I sounded snarky, BUT in today's world people need a little kick in the butt rather than coddling. Life isn't fair, so you have to take control of what you can to do what you want to do. Get a plan and start working on it. Prioritize so you don't waste time and money on fluffy stuff...or not...you are the momentum behind your actions and your goal.


great advice


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

The classic definition of a midlife crisis, according to my nursing instructor, is when a person realizes that "I am 40 and this is what my life is and I wanted more".

Sounds like you are going through one early.
...........................................................................

Now, this is my own opinion. This I what I WISH I had done when I was 32. I WISH I had asked myself "what am I doing today to make the farm ( my cabin in the woods) come true"? Are you setting aside a little money every month? Looking at areas?

The truth is, you have children and children are a powerful distraction. Speaking from experience, it is very easy to put your dreams on hold until your kids are grown. The problem is, life happens, and personally the very week that I was "FINALLY! able to put a down payment on land at the age of 49, I got sick and I haven't been well since.

I seriously do not regret the time and effort I put into the kids, but...... I could have bought the land earlier if I had put even $5 a week into a separate account for land, and then drop a few extra dollars in from time to time. Yes the kids benefited from the educational toys I bought instead but my own dreams were worth it as well, and I neglected them for a while.

Cabins in the woods are not free: If I were you I would start a cabin bank account, and drop at least $5 a week into it. Because your dreams matter just as much as your children's dreams do.


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## big rockpile (Feb 24, 2003)

Been bummed last few years. 64 Realize I'm done, my wife you can't do that your too old. Banker you can't get a Loan, too old. Then there is the Doctor take it easy your not young as you use to be.

My Son was freaking because he was planning on being Retired at 38 and he wasn't.

big rockpile


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## Jolly (Jan 8, 2004)

Terri said:


> The classic definition of a midlife crisis, according to my nursing instructor, is when a person realizes that "I am 40 and this is what my life is and I wanted more".
> 
> Sounds like you are going through one early.
> ...........................................................................
> ...


This is a pretty powerful post. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the kids (I wanted mine to graduate from college debt free) that we miss doing some things that mean a lot and are time dependent.

It takes time to grow fruit trees. It takes time to clear land a bit at a time. It takes time to get a garden just right. It takes time to build a small herd of animals.

Life is best lived balanced, and sometimes it's balance and not just getting ahead, that is so hard to do.


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## MoBookworm1957 (Aug 24, 2015)

big rockpile said:


> Been bummed last few years. 64 Realize I'm done, my wife you can't do that your too old. Banker you can't get a Loan, too old. Then there is the Doctor take it easy your not young as you use to be.
> 
> My Son was freaking because he was planning on being Retired at 38 and he wasn't.
> 
> big rockpile


Your only as old as your mind and body lets you be.
I'm 60, some day when weather is cold and icy like today. 
Then I feel tired and old.
My body aches,knees snap crackle and pop.
But some days, nothing hurts, mind is clear, feel like I can whip the world.
You have to decide when you get out of bed, what kind of day you're going to have.
Today, I got a pot of soup on the stove bubbling away.
And been quilting.
Granted I have been ill for quite some time lately.
But today I feel about half my age.
Who know what tomorrow will bring.
But as long as I can take a breath and wake up each morning then every day is a good day.


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## Fishindude (May 19, 2015)

If there are things or experiences you really want, then you need to act soon and make it happen.
None of us know how much more time we will be granted on this earth.


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## emdeengee (Apr 20, 2010)

You just sound stuck andfrustrated. And of course facing the end of a part of your life (babies) is always a challenge. But there is always a lot more if you look for it.

Make a lists and/or charts of all the things you want to accomplish over one, three and five years as well as the money and effort (support systems etc) that it would take to accomplish each one. If you intend to continue in your long term relationship then it is advisable to get his input as well. And if marriage is important to you then that should be on your list. Putting your goals down and sharing them should help you to accomplish them and know that you are living the life you want. If there is no support for what you want then you may have to decide whether to make a change for you or to accept what you have.


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## Lisa in WA (Oct 11, 2004)

Though I don’t agree with conservative writer and commentator Dennis Prager politically, I think he is onto something in his book Happiness is a Serious Problem and some of his writings and musings about happiness.
Lowering expectations of what we will get or deserve in life, gratitude for what we have and realizing that being happy is somewhat of a moral obligation to our significant others, children, coworkers and society in general. 

Check him out.


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## keenataz (Feb 17, 2009)

I am now 58, since I was 32 I have started anew 3 times. Marriage divorce, 2 cross continental moves for jobs. So at 32 you have a whole life ahead of you. This is not to minimize what you are feeling though.


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## Evons hubby (Oct 3, 2005)

CajunSunshine said:


> Ha. I went through a little mid-life crisis a couple of decades ago. I was like, whoa! Time to get my butt in gear! I looked at my nearly impossible bucket list, and re-arranged the most important stuff to the top of the heap. Then I chopped the first half dozen of them into bits; each bit represented something I needed to do in order to make that item on the bucket list a reality.
> 
> In other words, you can't eat an elephant in one bite. But you can eventually eat the whole thing if you carve it into smaller pieces. It's even more fun if you invite others to join you. Pass the BBQ sauce!
> 
> ...


you could turn your furnace way up, get the house nice and warm... Say about 112f, climb in a nice warm shower and do some serious working out. If you can find a couple thousand mosquitoes, a few snakes and spiders to join in the fun, It'll give your imagination less to deal with, you will have come very close to really being in the tropics!


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## Forcast (Apr 15, 2014)

We reset ourselves every 7 years. Hormone s might have a lot todo with how you feel right now.


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## CajunSunshine (Apr 24, 2007)

Yvonne's hubby said:


> you could turn your furnace way up, get the house nice and warm... Say about 112f, climb in a nice warm shower and do some serious working out. If you can find a couple thousand mosquitoes, a few snakes and spiders to join in the fun, It'll give your imagination less to deal with, you will have come very close to really being in the tropics!


Ha ha! Having spent the first half of my life in the New Orleans area (city AND bayou country), I got the heat, skeeters, snakes and bugs down pat. Now I just want to be in the company of a few hundred red eyed tree frogs...they are so photogenic!


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## Evons hubby (Oct 3, 2005)

CajunSunshine said:


> Ha ha! Having spent the first half of my life in the New Orleans area (city AND bayou country), I got the heat, skeeters, snakes and bugs down pat. Now I just want to be in the company of a few hundred of these:


LOL!! I really should pay closer attention to who I'm talking to and where they reside! Normally I just read the post and respond accordingly. Sorry bout that.


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## hunter63 (Jan 4, 2005)

Suggestion to the OP....
Buy the Harley and get it over with....LOL


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## PlayingInDirt (Aug 2, 2017)

I was thinking about starting some rabbits for the fertilizer too! Let me add to the 3 miles long list, 1/4 mile down. Haha!

I think we should all be invited to the wedding, and I just might show up too.


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## Oregon1986 (Apr 25, 2017)

hunter63 said:


> Suggestion to the OP....
> Buy the Harley and get it over with....LOL


Lol how about I pull a Britney Spears and just shave my head. Jk


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## Oregon1986 (Apr 25, 2017)

PlayingInDirt said:


> I was thinking about starting some rabbits for the fertilizer too! Let me add to the 3 miles long list, 1/4 mile down. Haha!
> 
> I think we should all be invited to the wedding, and I just might show up too.


I'd invite you all,lol. We are talking about when we do get married,having it on our property. Nice small farm wedding


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## Oregon1986 (Apr 25, 2017)

Forcast said:


> We reset ourselves every 7 years. Hormone s might have a lot todo with how you feel right now.


According to SO I been extremely hormonal since getting my tubes tied and getting off birth control


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## Lisa in WA (Oct 11, 2004)

Oregon1986 said:


> According to SO I been extremely hormonal since getting my tubes tied and getting off birth control


That sounds like mansplaining. Is he still unconscious? How hard did you smack him?


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## Terri (May 10, 2002)

He should count his blessings. *HE* could have been the one with the tied tubes!


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## Evons hubby (Oct 3, 2005)

Oregon1986 said:


> I recently tied my tubes so no more babies and that I don't have the cabin in the woods my heart desires has made me feel like less than great recently.
> 
> I am quit emotional lately.
> 
> According to SO I been extremely hormonal since getting my tubes tied and getting off birth control





Lisa in WA said:


> That sounds like mansplaining. Is he still unconscious? How hard did you smack him?


It could also just be "doctorsplaining". Hormones can play a vital role in a woman's emotional well being. And a mans physical well being if he dares mention the subject to his spouse when those hormones are out of whack!! Don't ask how I learned this!


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## Jolly (Jan 8, 2004)

hunter63 said:


> Suggestion to the OP....
> Buy the Harley and get it over with....LOL


Not to quibble, but check out the Indian Scout and Scout 60.

http://www.indianmotorcycle.com/en-us/scout-sixty-thunder-black

Seat height is really low and they are a lot smoother than the Harley.


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## Pschmidt (Dec 31, 2017)

I kinda had one after my former hubby passed away in 2012. Fought stage 4 cancer for 2 years, he was barely 40, best man I ever knew (besides my daddy). I was 41 and just didn't care about anything anymore. Grieved, drank too much, got fired from jobs, lost everything or gave it away, decided to hit the road and lived out of a van for a while. Took stock. I will thank the road for that. Having nothing except what's in your van was liberating. Really focused on what's really important in life, there had to be meaning out there, right? If only I could find it.

Took me 5 years but I'm finally past that. What matters? To me, it's the people and your relationships with those people. I'm extremely picky on who I choose to give my time and energy to. It's also your place in the world. All that 'stuff' out there is just that: stuff. And I don't want it, it wasn't me. I want my own little world, if you will. My place, my sanctuary. My freedom from this weird world. Decided the best blend is making my world as far removed from the misery of normal thinkers, yet staying close enough to keep the people that matter to me nearby. Decided to make roots.

Fast forward to now. Never thought I would be, but I remarried recently. New husband, new stepson. My first grandbaby was born last year, I was in the room for it. What a blessing!!! My daughter's little family live 2 hours from me, not great, but not bad, either. Decided to go back to school, have been going a year already, will graduate a year from May. Aiming to get a remote job and do that til we save up enough to cover the monthly expenses from the interest, which will take some years, yes. Years I'm looking forward to, now. Those years I plan on getting the homestead going. Learning as much as I can. Make mistakes. 

Man, didn't mean to write a book, sorry. Just that, I know the feeling. Mid-life crisis, go for it!!  Bring it! You will probably learn and grow from it!!


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## mreynolds (Jan 1, 2015)

Pschmidt said:


> I kinda had one after my former hubby passed away in 2012. Fought stage 4 cancer for 2 years, he was barely 40, best man I ever knew (besides my daddy). I was 41 and just didn't care about anything anymore. Grieved, drank too much, got fired from jobs, lost everything or gave it away, decided to hit the road and lived out of a van for a while. Took stock. I will thank the road for that. Having nothing except what's in your van was liberating. Really focused on what's really important in life, there had to be meaning out there, right? If only I could find it.
> 
> Took me 5 years but I'm finally past that. What matters? To me, it's the people and your relationships with those people. I'm extremely picky on who I choose to give my time and energy to. It's also your place in the world. All that 'stuff' out there is just that: stuff. And I don't want it, it wasn't me. I want my own little world, if you will. My place, my sanctuary. My freedom from this weird world. Decided the best blend is making my world as far removed from the misery of normal thinkers, yet staying close enough to keep the people that matter to me nearby. Decided to make roots.
> 
> ...


That sounds like something I would end up doing. Just hit the road.


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## hunter63 (Jan 4, 2005)

Jolly said:


> Not to quibble, but check out the Indian Scout and Scout 60.
> 
> http://www.indianmotorcycle.com/en-us/scout-sixty-thunder-black
> 
> Seat height is really low and they are a lot smoother than the Harley.


After using up 6-7 of my 9 lives personally...... I stick to bigger 4 wheel vehicles these days
The Harley statement was a metaphor for "just go ahead and do it (plug in your own current wishes)...."

You know you want to......but the practical side have been yelling at you 'NO'.... the "wild and crazy side" prodding you to the YES...then add in "Time is running" ......


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## lmrose (Sep 24, 2009)

Oregon1986 said:


> Do you believe midlife crisis is real? I feel like I'm about to go through one. Maybe the proper word is melt down. I turn 32 next month and the realization of what I have not accomplished and what has changed,is overwhelming. The fact I've never been married (I'm in a long term relationship), I recently tied my tubes so no more babies and that I don't have the cabin in the woods my heart desires has made me feel like less than great recently. Yes I know I should be thankful I have a lot more than most but I just thought I'd have it all by now. Not so sound cocky but I am a total catch,I'm a hard worker and I deserve to have everything I want. Rant over.


Hi; You didn't mention where you live or how many children you have? If you live in a Northern part of any country where days are shorter and sun less; you might be experiencing depression brought on by a lack of vitamin D. I have to take it in the winter myself.
Also I remember in my twenties being alone with four children to raise and having those feelings of not being able to do what I wanted. I felt trapped in a life that wasn't what I had planned or expected. All my dreams of having my own little farm were shattered and it looked hopeless. 
But then I looked at my kids and realized they didn't ask to be born. I wanted a family and they deserved all of me as a mother and they were all that mattered. My dreams and wants were secondary now. But someday these children would grow up and have lives of their own and then it would be my turn to choose how to live my life.
Life has a way of putting up obstacles to the path we want to travel. I had plenty of things to over come and it has taken a lot to persevere . Through it all both my husband and I kept planning for when we would be free to live the way we wanted. 
I wish we were 32 yrs and 33 yrs now instead of almost 72 and 73 yrs! So I say to you even though you feel life is passing you by it really isn't. You are just on a detour right now. You are definitely not old yet ! Keep planning what you want to do so when you are able you will be ready. At our age we have more time behind us and less in front but we will carry out our plans as long as we are able. This life is a temporary journey not a final destination. But I intend to live it the best I can for as long as I can while I am here. Hope you feel better soon.


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## Oregon1986 (Apr 25, 2017)

lmrose said:


> Hi; You didn't mention where you live or how many children you have? If you live in a Northern part of any country where days are shorter and sun less; you might be experiencing depression brought on by a lack of vitamin D. I have to take it in the winter myself.
> Also I remember in my twenties being alone with four children to raise and having those feelings of not being able to do what I wanted. I felt trapped in a life that wasn't what I had planned or expected. All my dreams of having my own little farm were shattered and it looked hopeless.
> But then I looked at my kids and realized they didn't ask to be born. I wanted a family and they deserved all of me as a mother and they were all that mattered. My dreams and wants were secondary now. But someday these children would grow up and have lives of their own and then it would be my turn to choose how to live my life.
> Life has a way of putting up obstacles to the path we want to travel. I had plenty of things to over come and it has taken a lot to persevere . Through it all both my husband and I kept planning for when we would be free to live the way we wanted.
> I wish we were 32 yrs and 33 yrs now instead of almost 72 and 73 yrs! So I say to you even though you feel life is passing you by it really isn't. You are just on a detour right now. You are definitely not old yet ! Keep planning what you want to do so when you are able you will be ready. At our age we have more time behind us and less in front but we will carry out our plans as long as we are able. This life is a temporary journey not a final destination. But I intend to live it the best I can for as long as I can while I am here. Hope you feel better soon.


Thank you this made me feel a lot better.. I live in Oregon where it rains a lot


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## lmrose (Sep 24, 2009)

Oregon1986 said:


> Thank you this made me feel a lot better.. I live in
> Oregon where it rains a lot


Good Morning; Hopefully you will continue to feel better. Being inside in rainy weather is a good time to spend time with that adorable little boy I see in the picture. Do you have other children? I missed a lot of days enjoying my four kids because of struggles I was going through at the time. I regret that because those young years can't be retrieved. Later we did have 18 years to enjoy our grandson living with us. I made sure we had plenty of time playing together. By three he played checkers and simple card games with me. Later it was Monopoly and scrabble. At sixteen he taught me about video games. We hiked in the woods and went sledding on hills in the winter . He played on a soft ball team from 7 yrs. to 12 yrs old and we walked for miles to get to various ball fields. He went in the woods with Papa that he called my husband and learned the names of trees. They were good years but went by too fast. I was in my forties and fifties raising him.

When I was alone raising four kids it was different because we were in a city. Although I was over whelmed with problems and poverty I did take them to city parks to play and swim. I wish I could go back and spend more time with them when they were little. But this life has no dress- rehearsals. You live it once and rearing your children to become happy responsible adults is one of your greatest callings. 

That doesn't mean you can't plan and learn and prepare for when you can do other things like living in the woods. I understand that dream because it was instilled in me by listening to stories from my Grandma who raised me. She was born in 1880 and lived in a log cabin. My Dad was always looking for a better piece of land even though he had a good two acres and gardens and chickens. But he wanted more isolation which he finally got but after his three kids were grown. 
You didn't say how your partner feels about your feelings or if you ever discussed how you would like to live? Whether he wants what you want or not you can still read and acquire new skills. There is much to learn and many things you can do no matter if you live in a city, town apartment, house or live in the country. On this forum and others there is so much information about skills to learn that will benefit you no matter where you live. If you focus on your children and learning new things it will help you and maybe your children will enjoy learning with you. I hope you will find peace and happiness in what you already have until you can have what you desire. I always remind myself of this. The past is called such because it is gone. The future we don't know because it hasn't arrived. I live in today which is a gift called the present. Have a nice day.


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## HDRider (Jul 21, 2011)

Pschmidt said:


> I kinda had one after my former hubby passed away in 2012. Fought stage 4 cancer for 2 years, he was barely 40, best man I ever knew (besides my daddy). I was 41 and just didn't care about anything anymore. Grieved, drank too much, got fired from jobs, lost everything or gave it away, decided to hit the road and lived out of a van for a while. Took stock. I will thank the road for that. Having nothing except what's in your van was liberating. Really focused on what's really important in life, there had to be meaning out there, right? If only I could find it.
> 
> Took me 5 years but I'm finally past that. What matters? To me, it's the people and your relationships with those people. I'm extremely picky on who I choose to give my time and energy to. It's also your place in the world. All that 'stuff' out there is just that: stuff. And I don't want it, it wasn't me. I want my own little world, if you will. My place, my sanctuary. My freedom from this weird world. Decided the best blend is making my world as far removed from the misery of normal thinkers, yet staying close enough to keep the people that matter to me nearby. Decided to make roots.
> 
> ...


Very uplifting story. I am glad you are happy.


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## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

Perhaps the gift of mid-life is perspective. I am young enough to be full of life, but experienced enough to temper my idealism; vital enough to enjoy a spark of chemistry, but wise enough to no longer major in it. I learn from the past with forgiveness, cherish the present with gratitude, and work toward the future with vision.


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## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

Life is like a Cross Country race. We all start out in the same place and end up about the same, just everyone's times are different. If you recall the times the wind was at your back and dismiss the times the going was steep, you'll end up happier than those that don't. If you intended to have a big kick towards the end, you'll find you waited to late. As you race through life, look around, take in the sights, sounds and smells, you'll not pass this way again.


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## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)

And then one day you realize you're older and fatter than old fat Elvis.


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## catsboy (May 14, 2015)

Oregon1986 said:


> Do you believe midlife crisis is real? I feel like I'm about to go through one. Maybe the proper word is melt down. I turn 32 next month and the realization of what I have not accomplished and what has changed,is overwhelming. The fact I've never been married (I'm in a long term relationship), I recently tied my tubes so no more babies and that I don't have the cabin in the woods my heart desires has made me feel like less than great recently. Yes I know I should be thankful I have a lot more than most but I just thought I'd have it all by now. Not so sound cocky but I am a total catch,I'm a hard worker and I deserve to have everything I want. Rant over.


Just don't stop trying to achieve your dreams. I am turning 60 this year and I have finally got to a place where I can live my dreams. My cabin in the woods is being built as we speak and my homestead life style that I wanted to live is becoming a reality this June when I can retire and become my life long ambition of becoming a farmer.


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## Al Yaz (Jun 13, 2017)

I believe in it, only cause I did some research on it for a paper, while going to university. While I am far from saying I know anything, my angle was that of hormonal changes as we progress through life. You wouldn’t believe how many people struggle simply with thyroid issues alone. Stress (sometimes you don’t even realize it) can kick the crap out of us. Sometimes it may be worth looking at health / medical reasons and not just assume it’s all in your head. If you live in an area where doctors rely on the old standards for thyroid tests, then go see a naturopath. Just sayin... Good luck and don’t just accept that you’re feeling off.


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## Oregon1986 (Apr 25, 2017)

catsboy said:


> Just don't stop trying to achieve your dreams. I am turning 60 this year and I have finally got to a place where I can live my dreams. My cabin in the woods is being built as we speak and my homestead life style that I wanted to live is becoming a reality this June when I can retire and become my life long ambition of becoming a farmer.


That is so great, congrats!!


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## haypoint (Oct 4, 2006)




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## lmrose (Sep 24, 2009)

haypoint said:


> Perhaps the gift of mid-life is perspective. I am young enough to be full of life, but experienced enough to temper my idealism; vital enough to enjoy a spark of chemistry, but wise enough to no longer major in it. I learn from the past with forgiveness, cherish the present with gratitude, and work toward the future with vision.


What a wonderful way to view and live life!


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